#(i also main him)

[stealingpotatoes]

tried to tell my faithful eunuch Tucker that he was basically tumblr famous, but he was too focused on defending the homestead to care

[chloesimaginationthings]

What if Mike and Jeremiah are the guards in FNAF 2..

[egophiliac]

was this anyone else's first thought, or

[edithdraws]

Hello Adam Warlock nation 🧡

[ikiprian]

Ghost Kitchen (brought to you by criminal entrepreneur, Red Hood)

Danny’s got the easiest job in Gotham.

He works as a fry cook at a shoddily-run, independent burger joint. Hardly anyone comes in, despite prices being criminally low, and portions insanely large, and while the manager looks like the average tough-as-nails ex-con, he lets Danny mess around in the kitchen whenever the place is empty. (Which is often. This place has to be the city’s hidden gem or something!)

Mr. Manager’s the only one ever there with Danny, except for sometimes when his buddies come over to smoke and play cards. Danny would find it shady, except part of his job is not to ask questions. Literally, he was told during the interview.

(It was a weird interview. Why would they need to hire someone who’s been in a gunfight before? Like, he has, but Gotham’s idea of “hirable qualities” is so bizarre.)

So instead he whips up some killer burgers with the frozen ingredients, and basks in the praise as the guys tell him he shouldn’t have, he does too much for this joint, ain’t that friendly!

Now, Danny’s a chef on the newer side. As a teen he’d preferred the look of Nasty Burger over anything with Michelin stars, and he only really took up cooking after Jazz moved out for college. But just like ecto-exposure used to turn the groceries sentient, Danny’s low-level ecto signature imbues all his food with something historically haunted Gothamites just love! And Danny’s never been one to half-ass a job when it makes people happy.

With fresher produce, real meat, Danny’s sure he can take his dishes to the next level. It takes a couple months of badgering, but his manager finally agrees to contact the mysterious store owner, who keeps the place going, despite profits Danny knows have to be in the red.

Danny spends the morning prepping. He pours his heart into his food, eager to impress. The big boss will be here soon, and he wants to prove that despite the dangerous location, this place has real potential!

It isn’t until the Red Hood shows up that Danny realizes he’s been working for a money laundering scheme.

[hinamie]

thank u canon plant nerd megumi for my life

bonus:

[nooskadraws]

the wizard of waterdeep ✨💜🔮

[heartorbit]

figure skating set right now please. thanks

[iseeyoujon]

The S1 Archives main staff was composed entirely of people who (at least partially) liked men. I choose to believe the OIAR will continue the trend of being equal but opposite to the Archives by having the entire S1 main staff like women.

[mohntilyet]

still i think the one of the more fun differences drawn between illario and lucanis that was lost would be illario's ability to endear himself to others but serious lack of empathy, vs. lucanis' (self perceived) inability to be charming but how much he cares. it's interesting that the game has gone with the "lucanis' ability vs illario's lack thereof" because i think illario being the dellamorte 'best in show dog' vs. lucanis' attack dog would have made me so unwell.

lucanis is... awkward. he's not unlikable, because he is usually very polite, but he doesn't speak much and only seems to care about the other dellamortes. he once sent viago de riva a knife with no note (who knows what he could have meant by this). he does what caterina asks of him, and by his own admission, cannot say no to her. he is a dramatic and prolific killer, and that makes how untouchable he is even worse.

and the crows like illario, sure, AND he's a good assassin! he's even a good crow! he's so good that he can make lucanis smile, and so he is the charming, sociable one. he's the one that stays in treviso and can be relied upon to care, illario's even the one people prefer over caterina and lucanis!

but illario is decoration. he's the prize poodle, and even if poodles were bred to be working dogs, nobody will ever pick him to protect the house over the german shepherd that regularly mauls intruders. anyways the analogy is getting away from me. the point i'm trying to make is that i want illario to have a different kind of jealousy/hatred that's not just over 'being bad at killing' but also an arrogant loathing for everyone around him that is getting harder to hide, because they've forgotten he can bite and is just itching to rip someone's jugular out. illario is very good at hiding his family resemblance to caterina, while lucanis suffers under his grandmother's, and his own, reputation.

[abusivelittlebunny]

Carlos can't keep his dick out of the cuties of the grid and that's why he was banished to Williams

[hughmanbean]

Blue Screen

Danny is the type of guy gal ghost to Commit To a Bit. This is very common knowledge

But he may have overdone it this time.

---

Dan and Ellie had met the Red Hood, who seemed yucky. Ellie said this herself. Jason was not amused, and did not appreciate them following him around for the rest of the week.

After a bout of panic, Danny had finally tracked the tykes down. After seeing who they were with, he sighed. Of course those two would. Well he could play at that game.

Danny had popped in and pecked him on both sides of the helmet, leaving a casual lie before legging it.

"Hey hun, thanks for watching the kids. I'll take it from here."

---

It's been a month now, and somehow he has two kids with a notorious crime boss and goes on nightly dates with him.

[porrigens]

a thin-ice double suicide (x)

for @cryptidzero

[impsandstars]

He’s beauty and he’s grace ✨

[bookalicent]

yeah so this was insane

[hinamie]

playing around w slightly different hair renders