#(hopefully…i’ve been trying to change it for ages lol)

[clovariia]

little angel and an even smaller devil

[mercvry-glow]

Hey Lover

parings. jack abbot x younger!reader

warnings. age gap (jack late 40s, reader late 20s/early 30s), hospital setting, reader has a sprained ankle, reader isn't treated the best by the ed, nothing too serious overall, reader is considered to be bratty, some suggestive parts but it’s just comments between reader and jack, let me know if there's anything else!

notes. I love jack and younger reader, I felt there was a lot of me in this one lol! since so many of you requested this hopefully y'all don't find her demeanor annoying, I read it as the reader is a bit scared and defensive knowing that the ed doesn't particularly like her for whatever reason. but as always please enjoy and feedback is appreciated as always!

wc. 2200+

You could admit you weren’t the easiest person to get along with.

You liked your oat milk lattes extra hot, your lip gloss to match your water bottle, and your schedule planned down to the exact minute. You didn’t do chaos. And people around here—meaning, this godforsaken hospital where your fiancé worked twelve-hour trauma shifts—tended to mistake that kind of organization for being high-maintenance.

And Fine. You were a little high-maintenance. But you weren’t mean… And you definitely didn’t deserve to be sitting in some back hallway of the PTMC ER with your hair still in a claw clip, mascara running down your cheeks, and one ankle the size of a grapefruit.

You sighed dramatically, shifting on the gurney. Your baby blue workout hoodie was streaked with tears and did little to hide the shame you felt in this very moment. Your phone was cracked. And worst of all—your favorite pilates socks had blood on them.

Today was not your day.

“I’ve been here for forty-five minutes,” you muttered, crossing your arms and wincing when your movement tugged your wrapped foot. “And if one more person tells me to ‘just wait,’ I’m going to scream.”

The nurse behind the little desk—tight bun, tired eyes, and feeling high and mighty—didn’t even look up. “Ma’am, we’re triaging other trauma patients—”

“I am also a trauma,” you said, gesturing at your foot. “Just because it happened in pilates at 5am and not a bar doesn’t make it less traumatic. I heard a crack.”

From across the nurses’ station, someone mumbled, “No wonder Dr. Abbot keeps her a secret.”

You froze. The room spun a little, but not from the injury.

Jack.

You blinked hard, biting down on your tongue. You knew what they thought. What they always thought. That Jack Abbot—with his calm voice, sharp eyes, and salt-and-pepper curls—couldn’t possibly be serious about you. That you were too much. Too loud. Too shiney. Too young.

But he’d never made you feel like that. Not once.

You tucked your phone tighter under your arm and exhaled through your nose, preparing to wait another hour—until the door to another room swung open into the hallway.

There he was.

Jack in a white long-sleeve under his scrubs, his stethoscope around his neck, and his hazel eyes already scanning the room. When he saw you—half-dressed like a ladies health magazine, clutching a cracked phone and looking entirely out of place—his whole face changed.

“ Are you serious right now?” he muttered, storming toward you. “Why didn’t anyone tell me you were here?”

“She didn’t ask for you,” someone muttered.

Jack didn’t even look at them. He was crouched in front of you already, gently brushing his hand over your shin, checking the wrap someone had done.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” you said quietly, lip wobbling just a bit. “It’s just an ankle. And, like… mild humiliation.”

His jaw ticked. “It’s not just anything if you’re hurt.”

“I fell trying to do that stupid split thing you like—”

He gave you a look.

“Okay, gracefully collapsed trying to do the split thing. And my instructor screamed, so then I screamed, and I cried in front of a room full of strangers.”

“Sweetheart.”

“I ruined my socks.”

Jack sighed and kissed the top of your knee, just above the bandage. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Take me home? Get me out of this place in a timely manner?”

His laugh was quiet but real, and he kissed you again, this time on the forehead.

Behind him, someone coughed pointedly. He stood, slowly.

“She needs a reevaluation. Now.”

The nurse gave a half-hearted “x-ray is backed up” shrug.

Jack’s tone turned colder than ice. “Then she’s priority after critical. Or get someone who cares and tell them why I’m walking my injured fiancée to get care, myself.”

That got people moving.

Jack helped you up, one arm tight around your waist. You clung to him dramatically, batting your lashes like you weren’t totally milking the attention—but under it, you could feel his heart racing.

“You okay?” you asked, glancing up.

His voice dropped low. “Not until you are.”

You smiled, a little smug. “Told you pilates was dangerous.”

He just shook his head, holding you closer. “I should’ve never let you sign up.”

“You didn’t let me. You said, and I quote, ‘try not to flirt with your instructor this time.’”

“Yeah, well. Next time I’m going with you.”

“You in pilates?” You snorted. “Please. Your hips are too tight.”

“I have very flexible hips, actually.”

“Oh, really?”

“Bed's ready,” a night shift nurse called.

You smirked at Jack. “To be continued.”

He groaned. “This is why they all hate you.”

You winked. “They only hate me ‘cause you love me, other than that I don’t know.”

And by the way he looked at you—like he’d walk through fire just to kiss you again—you knew you were absolutely right.

The space they gave you wasn’t fancy, but it was private. Probably borrowed from someone in observation or cleared just for Jack’s peace of mind. He didn’t say a word as he helped you onto the bed, tucking a blanket over your legs like you were made of glass.

“I’m not dying,” you said, wrinkling your nose as he fussed with your ankle.

“You’re really annoying,” he muttered. But his hands were gentle, steady as always, checking your range of motion and rewrapping your foot with crisp, even lines.

You watched him work, the little furrow between his brows, the tiny flecks of gold in his hazel eyes that always showed up when he was worried. His curls were a little messy, probably from running his hand through them a hundred times today, and his sleeves were pushed up, exposing the veins on his forearms you’d once drunkenly referred to as "your Roman Empire."

“You’re staring,” he said without looking up.

“You’re so hot,” you replied simply.

Jack huffed but didn’t argue.

He finished taping your ankle and stood, brushing your hair back from your face. “You’re gonna be okay. It’s a sprain, not a break, but you need to stay off of it for at least a week. Actually stay off it, not your version of resting.”

“Which is?”

“Pilates in a boot.”

You grinned. “Sounds like a challenge.”

“I’ll cancel your gym membership myself.”

You gasped. “You wouldn’t.”

“I pay for it, try me.”

You didn’t win that stare-down. He kissed your forehead again instead.

“Get some rest. I’ll check in after I get off here in a few.”

You pouted. “You’re leaving me?”

Jack gave you a look. “I’m an attending. I can’t just disappear mid-surge.”

“Tell Robby I said please, I saw him walking around.”

That got a faint laugh out of him. “No more sass. Be good.”

You made an angelic face. “I’m always good.”

He was halfway out the door when you added, “And please ask someone if they can bring me an ice water! Or tell them you’ll do it.”

“I just said—”

You batted your lashes.

Jack muttered something under his breath and disappeared into the hallway.

Twenty minutes later, Jack was standing near the lockers, hands on hips, when Robby stepped in with two bottled waters and a raised eyebrow.

“Your girl okay?” he asked, handing Jack one.

Jack nodded, cracking the lid open. “Sprained her ankle trying to impress a pilates instructor, apparently.”

“Sounds like her.” Robby sat beside him, stretching his legs out with a sigh. “She looked like she was about to throw hands when the nurse offered her ice chips.”

Jack huffed out a quiet laugh. “That tracks.”

“She really hates being fussed over, huh?”

Jack shot him a look.

“Okay,” Robby amended, hands up in mock surrender, “unless it’s by you.”

Jack didn’t argue. He leaned back against the wall, letting the silence hang a minute before Michael spoke again—more careful this time.

“She’s got some… strong energy going on today.”

Jack didn’t respond right away. Just glanced down at the bottle in his hands, then back up. “You don’t have to pretend you like her, man.”

“I’m not trying to judge,” Robby said, more gently. “You know that. I just… never pictured you with someone so… you know.”

“She’s also the first person I’ve met who makes me laugh like hell and still checks if I’ve eaten when I forget to eat. And she always puts me first. Even when it costs her.”

Robby’s brow creased slightly, more thoughtful than anything. “I get that. I do.. She always asks if I’m looking after you, like I’m the one keeping you alive.”

Jack’s lips twitched. “You kinda are.”

“Okay, but—” Robby pointed a finger at him. “She brings you little smoothie things and reminds you to call your sister and randomly knows what you need on your worst days. I see that. Doesn’t mean I fully get her, but I’m not against her.”

Jack finally relaxed, his shoulders dropping a bit.

“She’s not always easy,” he admitted. “But she’s real. And when it’s just the two of us? She’s… soft. Like, the kind of soft I didn’t know I wanted. She brings out all this stupid shit in me.”

Robby tilted his head. “You’re kind of a sap.”

“Don’t tell anyone,” Jack deadpanned.

Robby smirked, bumping his shoulder. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

Just then, a nurse poked her head around the corner, clearly amused. “Dr. Abbot? Your fiancée says she can’t find her lip balm and her lips feel like they’re about to crack. She says quote—‘You know the one I mean.’”

Jack didn’t even blink. “Little pink tube, side pocket of her purse. Tell her I’ll grab it.”

The nurse grinned and ducked back out.

Robby blinked slowly. “You really do know her inside out.”

Jack shrugged, already standing. “She’d do the same for me.”

As he disappeared down the hall, Robby watched him go, still smiling. He might not fully understand your dynamic—but he didn’t have to. Jack was happy, the girl loved him, and honestly? That was more than enough as a friend. 

A bit later you had barely settled into your space—fluffy blanket over your lap, perfectly stacked hospital pillows behind your back, and a comically large cup a nurse had left on the tray—when a soft knock hit the doorframe.

You glanced up, lip gloss freshly reapplied despite the fact you were still in the hospital.

Michael leaned in with his hands in the pockets of his blue hoodue, looking not nearly as judgmental as you were expecting.

“Hey,” he said, voice lower than usual. “Jack’s finishing up his last consult, so I figured I’d check in. How’s the ankle?”

You gave a bright (but very practiced) smile. “Swollen, hideous, and humiliating. But I’m surviving. Thank you.”

Robby chuckled lightly, stepping further in. “Well, the good news is you’ll walk again.”

“Oh, thank god. I was already mentally rearranging my living room for crutches.” You paused, then added, “I promise I wasn’t being dramatic earlier. I just… hate being in here. Even not as a patient, hospitals just freak me out.”

His brow lifted slightly. “You hang around one enough.”

“Yeah, but usually I’m here with iced coffee and lunch for my fiance, not a bum ankle.”

He smiled at that, leaning a shoulder against the wall. “You really do come in like a hurricane when Jack’s on shift.”

You looked down, suddenly fidgeting with the edge of the blanket. “Yeah. Sorry if I’ve been too much. I know I’m not exactly… subtle.”

Robby tilted his head. “You’re not.”

You blinked, and he quickly added, “But you clearly care about him. And that counts for a lot.”

You looked up again, surprised.

“I wasn’t sure at first,” he continued, more thoughtful now. “You’re different from what I imagined for him. But then I saw how he talks about you. How he looks at you.”

You felt your face heat up.

“He’s a lot lighter with you around,” Robby said simply. “Which is wild, because I didn’t even think that was possible.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “He’s not really the warm-and-fuzzy type.”

“No, but he’s yours,” Robby said with a small shrug. “And that seems to be working out.”

You stared at him for a second, then leaned back against your pillows. “So… you don’t hate me?”

“I never hated you,” Robby said honestly. “I just didn’t know you.”

You let out a soft breath, genuinely touched. “Well. You’ve officially been upgraded to my favorite of Jack’s coworkers.”

“That’s a low bar,” he quipped. “But I’ll take it.”

The curtain rustled suddenly and Jack poked his head in, curls messier than beforer and his hazel eyes immediately scanning you.

“You good?” he asked.

“She’s fine,” Robby said before you could speak, already backing up toward the door. “Being brave. And dramatic. But mostly brave.”

Jack gave you a long, warm look. “Dramatic is her default.”

You stuck your tongue out at him.

Michael was already halfway out the door. “Later, lovebirds.”

Once it was just the two of you, Jack pulled up a chair beside your bed and took your hand.

“You okay?”

“I will be,” you said softly. “Especially now that I know your work bestie doesn’t think I’m a total disaster.”

Jack smirked. “You are a total disaster. But you’re my disaster.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide the smile tugging at your lips.

“Shut up and kiss me, Dr. Abbot.”

And he did.

mercvry-glow 2025

[whimsiwitchy]

Controversially Young Girlfriend (part five)

Hugh Jackman x popstar!reader 

series masterlist & main masterlist

summary: y/n is a globally beloved pop star. She is known for her talent and dedication towards her craft. Recently, she has also been known for her preference for older men. After a breakup with her former older boyfriend, she had a run in with the hottest dilf right now, Hugh Jackman. Y/n tried to warn him, but what can she say, she has an effect on hot, older men. 

warnings: age gap (23/55), cursing, y/n used, implied shorter reader, afab reader, she/her pronouns, sexual themes.

warnings will change as the story progresses! all descriptions of real people in this story are FAKE. I do not know these people and this is purely fiction. Please let me know if I missed anything!! <3

authors note: the wait is over. yay! This isn’t how I expected this part to end but I let my mind take charge…plans change. I hope the end is okay, i’ve never written anything like that before so i’m a little nervy for y’alls reactions lol. let me know what you guys think! Enjoy <3

part five: new york changes you

The whole ‘friends for now’ deal you set with Hugh has been an enthralling experience so far. A month has passed since that night in your living room, a month of struggling to resist the charisma of Hugh Jackman. Right now, your two lives couldn’t be more different: your album had dropped three weeks ago, one week after the deal was made. It has been an absolute success with four of your songs sitting in the top ten since the drop. You were doing interview after interview and rehearsals for your tour started up this past week. Meanwhile, Hugh was living the simple life. He has been done with his Deadpool and Wolverine promo for some time now and he’s been enjoying his free time. That was something you didn’t have much of as of recent- free time. You were trying to balance the few moments of freedom between all of the people you cared for, which mostly consisted of Ashley and Hugh. It’s gotten to a point where you were inviting your friends to the tour rehearsals just to be able to see them. When the idea first popped up, you had been afraid that they would be too distracting but the outcome was the opposite. Having a mini audience that weren’t part of the tour team, allowed everyone to make changes to things with the input of outside opinions. Ashley and a small group of your other friends were rehearsal regulars now.

You’d been seeing Hugh more privately, both of you agreeing to stay out of the public eye for a little bit while the dating rumors died down. Ashley had been a little too enthusiastic about your decision to be Hugh’s friend and nothing more. You loved reminding her that it was hopefully a temporary situation while we decided if being together exclusively was the right choice for both of us. She liked to ignore that part. Her despisement towards Hugh has been a mystery to you. She was always a little protective over you, as any normal friend would be, but it had never been to this extent. 

“Ash, do you wanna come to rehearsal tomorrow. We’re finally putting the choreography on the actual stage. I think you’ll like it. It’s gonna be fun.” You ask. The two of you were currently at Target shopping for her new apartment. “Uhhh of course. I need to catch up on all of the songs I missed. Then maybe you’ll consider putting me up on stage.” The last sentence comes out more singsongy than usual as she tries to convince you. She has brought up being on stage so often, you were beginning to feel bad, but she was a shit dancer. You didn’t have the heart to tell her. “Cool. I have to be there at seven, but I was thinking you guys could show up at noon. That’s when we’re scheduled to move over to the stage.” Her eyes light up. “Ooo. Who else is coming? Please tell me you invited Taylor again, she’s fun.” She rambles on as she pushes the cart through the lamp aisle. “Oh. I didn’t invite the girls again. It’s uh…it’s just gonna be you and Hugh.” She puts the lamp she’s been observing back onto the shelf. “Actually, I just remembered I have plans tomorrow.” She states flatley and starts to push the cart again. You follow her, waiting until you enter an aisle that was free of people before confronting her. “Ashley, don't be like that.” You whine. “I’m not being like anything y/n. I just forgot I had plans.” She shrugs as she busies herself by looking at the bathroom decor on the shelves. “What do you have against him?” You blurt out. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Cut the shit Ash. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I can’t even mention his name without you trying to change the subject. I can’t even talk to my best friend about the guy I like because of this weird fucking grudge you have against him.” She stares at you, giving you a few slow blinks before speaking again. “Fine. I’ll be there but I can’t promise I'll be civil.” 

You didn’t push her any further, her answer was good enough for now. Target wasn’t the right place to fight with her about this and it probably wouldn’t do any good anyway. As much as you loved Ashley, she had a tendency to do and say wherever she pleased but when it came back to her, she played victim. It was becoming harder to deal with now that you weren’t children anymore. Later that night, while on facetime with Hugh, you decided to warn him about the shitshow which he was bound to end up in tomorrow.

“I’m not really sure what her deal is honestly. She won’t tell me why she doesn’t like you.” You pout. “It’s okay baby, not everyone is going to like me. I can handle it.” 

The endearments had been something that Hugh didn’t drop after the ‘just friends’ talk. You thought about talking to him about it but the words sounded too good rolling off of his tongue. You argued that it wasn’t any different than your other friends calling you ‘babe’- it wasn’t the same at all but you didn’t care. You knew it meant more to both of you. 

“I know, but it would be really nice if you two could be friends, ya know? She just gets too overprotective I guess…” You tell him, not really believing your own words. “You don’t have to come tomorrow if you don’t want to. We can pick another day for you to come if you feel like it’ll be too awkward.” “Tomorrow is fine y/n. Everything will be okay. Don’t think about it too much, I’m sure I can charm her a little bit, get her on my side.” He assures you.

Ashley was on her worst behavior and it was pissing you off. It felt like you had covered Hugh in blood and thrown him to the sharks- when you think about it, he probably would have had a better shot at fighting off the sharks. The entire day so far had been full of eye rolls and snarky comments. When you had a moment alone with Hugh, all you could do was apologize for her behavior and he swore it was fine, it wasn't your fault. Ashley was acting weird towards you the entire morning. When you offered her to get up and learn some choreo, she brushed you off saying that she still needed to wake up. You glanced over at Hugh and Ashley every few minutes as they talked. It looked civil. The music was too loud to hear what the conversation was about and it was making you nervous. Hugh kept his eyes mostly on you as he spoke but Ashley’s were set on Hugh, never looking your way. You tried your best to ignore it, focusing on doing your job.

 For one of the songs, you would be giving one of the dancers named Ethan a lap dance. He had become a good friend over the past year you had known him and he made the whole grinding on him thing a lot less awkward than you thought it would be. “Are you and eye candy over there still playing friends?” Ethan asks as he gestures towards where Hugh and Ashley sat. “Yes..but it’s more lenient. Kinda like dating but nothing exclusive.” You explain, eyes on Hugh. He’s looking back at you and you’re sure he can tell that you’re talking about him. “You should do the dance for him, since he’s a special guest today and all.” He offers, smirk present on his face. “You don’t think that would be too mean? I want him to want me but I don’t wanna ruin the man. At least not yet anyways.” A similar smirk to Ethan’s was rising to your lips at the thought of Hugh being flustered over you. “I think you should do it.” You think about it for a moment and shame yourself for how quickly you made your decision. “You’re a bad influence.” You tell Ethan. Hugh’s eyes are still on you and you point your finger at him and wiggle it, motioning him to come here. 

“I’m gonna go sit down, have fun.” Ethan says and goes down the stairs to the stage as Hugh walks up them. “What’s up sweetheart?” He asks. “Ethan isn’t feeling well right now, would you mind standing in for him? You don’t have to do anything, just sit in that chair.” You point to the metal fold up chair that sits in the center of the catwalk. “Yea I can do that.” His smile is authentic, happy to help. “Thank you baby.” You say and you reach up to leave a quick kiss on his cheek. You pick up the mic that you sat on the stage floor earlier and turn it on. “We’re ready to go for the next one.” You announce through it so the sound crew could hear you. They announce ‘places’ and Hugh sits down in the chair. You walk over to the marker on the floor that indicates your starting position for this song. It’s about five feet behind Hugh’s chair, leaving him clueless on what’s happening. 

The song starts and you strut to the beat until you reach the chair. Your hands are on either side of Hugh’s chest and you move your hands around the same way that you had practiced many times before. His chest was hard and you could feel the muscles of his pecs. You slide your hands up to his shoulders and walk slowly around the chair until you're right in front of Hugh. The song slows at this point, giving the perfect moment for you to slowly drop yourself into his lap, arms around his neck. There’s three quick beats and you bounce up and down. Hugh’s eyes are wide in surprise. He’s a lot taller than Ethan and his thighs hold more muscle. It took a moment to get used to as the routine went on. The entire dance was pretty stereotypical: a lot of grinding, ass popping, and touching. You spent a good majority of the song whispering the words quietly to Hugh. He kept his hands to himself, not wanting to interrupt whatever move you had to do next. When the song ends, you’re out of Hugh’s lap and standing a foot in front of him for your ending pose. The crew gives you the okay to move and you turn back to Hugh, mischief present in your face. “Thank you Hugh!” You squeal, giving him a quick hug once he stands up. “Yea. yea…You’re such a tease.” He says the second part low enough so only you hear. As he walks back to his seat, you could have sworn you saw him trying to discreetly reposition whatever was happening in his pants. 

During your lunch break, Ashley’s strange act continued as she made up some excuse for her to leave- you could tell she was lying. Hugh and yourself ended up ordering subs from some local deli and ate in your dressing room. “So what do you think about everything so far?” You ask, referring to the choreo you’d been learning for the past three hours. “It’s…fun.” You huff at that. “You’re so terrible at describing things Hugh. Oh my god.” You complain. “I’m sorry…It's good.” You give him a blank stare, not satisfied with his answers. “Okay okay, don’t give me that look. You’re phenomenal…watching you dance and feeling you dance on me is making it really hard to just be your friend.” He shrugs, taking another bite of his sandwich. His answer makes you blush, familiar butterflies fly around your tummy. “Oh.” It’s all you could say. “You don’t have to accept my invites if it’s too hard on you.” “Hm. That’s not it, babe. I definitely want to be here. Wouldn’t have wanted to miss that little stunt you pulled earlier.” He winks as he refers to the lapdance. 

Comments like that had been frequent throughout the past month. Hugh Jackman was a natural flirt. That was a fact you had the pleasure of learning from personal experience and the displeasure of learning from the internet. You had seen countless videos of him being a flirty slut- as a married man. It worried you and had been something you’d been thinking about nonstop since the discovery. Him flirting with you was one thing, but you didn’t like the idea of him flirting with others when he was ‘yours’. You’d also seen videos of him mentioning multiple times that he liked older women, which had become another concern that ate at your brain. Last week, Hugh had come over for a movie night and you planned on casually mentioning the apprehension you had around the issue. 

“Sooo, I heard you liked older women?” 

Casual had never been your thing. 

“Uh..yea. It’s a preference of mine.” You could tell that the question made him uncomfortable. The tiny little toxic part of your heart was happy about that. You let out a short hum. “What was that for?”

 “What was what for?” 

 “Your little ‘hm.’.” You shrug as you speak your next words. “It’s just interesting.” 

 “What’s interesting.”  “You having a preference for older women.”  

“How is that any different from you liking older men?” He asks genuinely and you could honestly smack him right now for not seeing the issue and you would if he wasn’t across the couch. “Hm. I don’t know. Maybe the fact that I’m currently interested in an older man and you’re straying quite far from your preferences Mr.Jackman.” He lets out a deep belly laugh. “Why are you laughing at me?” You cross your arms, a small pout sits on your lips. “You're jealous.” He smirks. “I’m not jealous. I’m skeptical.”  “There's no reason to be.” His eyes are gentle.  “If you say so.” You didn’t want to damper the mood but your mind was filled with ‘what ifs’ and you needed reassurance.

 “Hey. Come here sweet girl.” He motions for you to sit closer to him. You crawl over and his arm drapes over your shoulder. Your head rests on his chest and his cheek is resting on the crown of your hair. “I promise you have nothing to worry about. I like you and only you.” “Pinky promise?” You look up at him, holding out your pinky. He lets out a chuckle and links his pinky with your own. “Pinky promise.” He was looking down at you. You were staring in his eyes, watching the reflection from the flame of the pumpkin pie scented candle that sat on the coffee table flicker. He slowly leaned down, allowing his lips to softly touch yours. It was a lazy kiss, lips moving every few seconds. You could feel every part of Hugh’s lip slide against yours. The slowness of it all was arousing- the heat from his body wasn’t helping. The upward stretch of your neck became sore after a few minutes,  giving you the perfect excuse to climb into his lap. The makeout session lasted about thirty minutes, never speeding up, both of you enjoying the intimacy of the demure, slow kisses. You ground your hips into his in an undemanding manor, not wanting to rush the moment, just needing to feel him against you. A few whispered moans were thrown about, a few neck kisses here and there. The rules were beyond broken that night. You liked to imagine what would have happened if there wasn’t a knock on the door from the food you ordered earlier. 

Your cheeks heat up at the memory as you pick an onion off of your sandwich. Hugh was right, you were a tease. That night, he had initiated the kiss but you turned it into so much more. You could've stopped it, blaming it on the pain in your neck, but you wanted more. With Hugh, you always wanted more. It was your stupid idea to be his friend first and it was torturing you. “What’re you thinking about, pretty girl?” Hugh asks, dragging you out of your thoughts. “Nothing...These onions are too strong.” You flick the onion you picked off onto the paper that was once wrapped around your sub. “You sure that’s it? You can talk to me babe.” He’s sincere. He’s always so patient and caring towards you. It makes your heart swell. “I was thinking about our movie night.” You admit. “Anything in particular from that night?” He asks, knowing exactly what you’re thinking about, the wide smirk on his stupid perfect face makes that obvious. “I wasn’t thinking about that, you perv. I was thinking about how I forgot to tell you that I’m going to New York next week.” He didn’t need to know that you were for sure thinking about every detail of his dick that you could remember and you really did forget to tell him that, so you weren’t technically lying. “Hm. I wonder what made you forget?” Smirk still plastered on his face. “I’m gonna ignore that comment.” And you did ignore it, immediately talking about your upcoming trip. “It's kinda gonna be my first time there. I performed a show there but I was gone the next day. I have an entire four days to explore this time. Well except for when I work but whatever.” You shrug at the end, voice filled with excitement ready to see the city in its full glory. “What do you have scheduled when you’re out there?” 

“I have a photoshoot, meetings, then the Tonight Show.” 

“First time on Fallon?” you laugh. “First time on any big talk show, I'm so fucking nervous.” 

“Don’t be. Jimmy’s a great guy and you’re good at talking. It’s easy to pay attention to you.” 

“Do you pay attention to me because I'm a good talker or do you pay attention to me because you think I'm pretty.” You were completely fishing for a compliment and you carried no shame for it. “Both.” 

Hugh had become a really good friend and not just because the two of you shared an occasional kiss. He was there for you when you had no one else. The next day, Ashley came over and you tried to ask her why she lied about needing to leave rehearsal early. She either gave a vague answer for each question or completely dodged it. You never asked Hugh about what they talked about, wanting the answer from your best friend, but it was looking like you would have to turn to him to get closer to the truth. You invited her to New York the second you found out you were going. Trying to get her out of her funky mood, you brought it up, asking if she was excited that it was coming up so soon. She quickly agreed to the excitement but each word came out flat and uninterested. About an hour after she left your house, you got a text. 

bestie boo: hey. i’m actually not gonna be able to make it to new york. sorry, ttyl. 

The text caught you off guard but it wasn’t a total surprise due to Ashley’s behavior while she was at your house. That didn’t mean it hurt any less though. The consistent dodginess from her made your throat tighten up. Your first instinct was to text Hugh, so that’s what you did.

You: hey, are you busy rn? 

Hugh <3: Hi baby. No, I'm not busy. What’s up?

You: can you come over? :(

Hugh <3: On my way! 

When you opened the door for him, worry was written on his face. “What’s wrong?” He takes off his shoes, the same way he has the past few times he’s come over. “I feel like you’re always asking me that.” You slump over slightly. “I gotta make sure my girl is okay.” All of the sadness you had over Ashley almost vanished entirely. “I’m your girl?” You ask looking up at him. “Of course you’re my girl y/n. Just waiting for the day you wanna label it.” He smiles down at you and offers his hand. “Now c’mon, tell me what’s got you all blue.” You grab his hand and he follows the familiar route to your living room couch. He sits down and pulls you down towards him. You’re sitting next to him, your side against his. He pulls your legs up so they lay across his lap and he rubs slow circles into your thigh.

 “What’s got that pretty face of yours frowning?” He pinches your thigh lightly as he asks the question. “It’s Ashley, she’s being really weird Hugh. She always tells me things and now she’s just…not.” He has his own frown now. “I’m sorry baby….Is this about me again?” 

“Kinda but not totally. I just wanted to know why she doesn’t like you. You’ve become so important to me and I plan on having you around for a while. She’s been my best friend since we were kids, I want her to like you and be able to be around you.” You put your hands over your eyes, your palms applying  pressure on them to prevent the tears from falling. All the pent up frustration was starting to reach its limit. “Hey, look at me.” He grabs your chin, a gesture he’s done more times than you can count. “Don’t let me come in between your friendships.” You sigh. “It’s not your fault Hugh.” 

“I…I think it might be my fault a little bit.” He admits with a guilty expression, making your heart sting. “What do you mean?” 

“She uh… Ashley might have flirted with me yesterday. I shut it down but…” He sighs nervously. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I didn’t know how to tell you to be honest..” The room around you both felt stuffie and too small. The tears that were held back by the palms of your hands just a few minutes ago, spill out. You were feeling too many emotions: hurt, anger, betrayal. 

This wasn’t the first time Ashley had done something like this. She’d done it with Pedro when the two of you were already together. The only difference is that she felt so guilty that she confessed. This time, Ashley was too much of a coward to tell you what she had done to your face. You didn’t want to lose your best friend but you couldn’t keep her around when all she seemed to do was hurt you. Hugh holds you as you cry, not saying a word. He leaves little kisses on your head and tells you that ‘it’s okay’ over and over. He let you cry without knowing what it was you were crying about. You felt so stupid to have let this slip past you. It had been almost the exact same situation before. Ashley acted weird towards Pedro, she starts being vague, and then you find out what she did. Déjà fucking vu. You couldn’t help but laugh. “What’s funny sweetheart?” Your mind had been racing so fast, you almost forgot that Hugh’s was still here holding you. He had gone still, the only reminder of his presence was the weight of his arms around you. “I just can’t believe she did it again without me noticing. I feel dumb.” His body jerks in surprise. “Again?” 

—

It was Saint Patrick's day and you were at Ashley’s place getting ready for a party. It was a weird holiday to throw a party for but people used any excuse to get drunk. Leading up to this day, Ashley has been yapping non stop about going to her first celebrity party but tonight, she couldn’t have been more quiet. You excused her behavior for nerves, not questioning it more. Her demeanor has been different for a few days. Ashley wasn’t one to open up quickly or talk about her problems. You only pried as much as you could before being shut out and right now you had been completely blocked off. You tried your best to ignore it, trying to focus on the night ahead of you. 

Billie is who had invited you to the party as the two of you grew close. Being the same age, doing the same job, and experiencing the same things made it impossible for the two of you not to be friends. The party was going to be filled with people you’d never met before, so you asked her if you could bring a person or two- Ashley and Pedro. It was when you told Ashley that Pedro would also be coming, that her prior eagerness for the party dissipated. 

Just as you sat down to start your makeup, Ashley finally spoke. “Y/n…I think I’m gonna skip out on the party tonight.” You lift your head to look at her through the mirror.“What, why? We’ve been talking about this for weeks.” 

 “I just don’t feel like going anymore.” She’s scrolling through her phone. “You’re such a shitty liar, Ash. What’s up? Why don’t you wanna go anymore?” You turn the spinny chair your in to face her. She put her phone down and the look on her face was one you wouldn’t ever forget. It was a look full of guilt, shame. You were trying to comfort your best friend while she was about to tell you the most heat shattering words. “I don’t think it’s smart to be around Pedro.” Your brows knit together in confusion. “Why not. I thought you guys were good now, that you liked him?” She’s fidgeting with her hands. “Y/n we kissed.” 

“Who kissed?” You ask, hoping you were misinterpreting what she was saying. “Me and Pedro.” You hadn’t misunderstood her words. 

Your heart shattered. Pedro has only been your boyfriend for a little over a month but it still hurts. You were still in the honeymoon phase, where everything felt like love even though it was just over infatuation with the new relationship. Without thinking about it, you started collecting your things to leave, gathering the makeup you just placed onto the table back into its bag. “What are you doing?” Ashley asks nervously. “I’m leaving.” She didn’t try to stop you. 

When you got home, you felt numb. There was a strong ache in your chest where your heart sits but there wasn’t an ounce of emotions flowing through you. The betrayal of the person you trusted most in this life was worse than any other pain you could think of. You spend hours laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling, when a knock finally pulls you out of whatever trance you were in. “Hey baby. Ashley texted me saying I should come check on you.” He steps into the house and follows you down the entry hall. “Oh I didn’t know you guys were on texting terms now…” You trail off for a second, not leaving Pedro enough time to say anything before you speak again. “Huh…You know, I guess it would make sense, seeing as you guys are apparently on kissing terms.” You stop and stare at him, looking dead in his eyes. He winces. “She told you about that.” The statement pisses you off. “What the fuck do you mean ‘she told you about that.’? Were you planning on keeping it a secret?” Your voice gradually rises alongside the anger in your body. “No, but I-” 

“but fucking what Pedro? You kiss my best fucking friend and then hide it from me??” Your finger hurts from the pressure of pointing it into his chest. “I didn’t kiss her.” You ignore him. “When did it happen?” “Baby, listen to me. I didn’t kiss Ashley.” He ignores you. “WHEN DID IT HAPPEN?” You scream at him, all of the emotions spilling over. You sink down to the floor, abandoning your prior standing position, and you cry. 

“I didn’t kiss her babygirl. I would never hurt you like that.” He sits down next to you, his back against the wall. You don’t speak. “It was last Tuesday, when she came over to talk to me like you asked her to. She said it was because you wanted her to like me, for us to be friends. She started acting differently and before I knew it she was kissing me. That’s all that happened baby.” He explains as he runs his fingers along the baby hairs on your forehead. “You didn’t kiss her?” You look into his big brown puppy eyes, searching for the truth. “I didn’t kiss her.” He affirms. “I promise, babygirl.” 

“Pinky promise?” He interlocks his pinky with yours. 

You didn’t speak to Ashley for two weeks after that incident. You wanted so badly to know why she did it, but in the end you didn’t think it mattered, each outcome still ended with her being a selfish person- a bad friend. You didn’t really talk things out either but you decided to forgive her. The friendship was too important to you at the time to give up but you wouldn’t let her be anywhere near Pedro again. The idea of them being friends was out the window. 

—

 “What a bitch.” His thick accent shining through extra hard with his own anger.- it makes you laugh. “I don’t even know what to do at this point. I don’t think I can trust her anymore.” he nods in agreement. “I know sweetheart but I'm here for you, no matter what you decide to do. Okay?” it's your turn to nod. “Okay. Thank you Hugh, really. I don’t know what I would do without you.” You look up at him, giving him a small smile and a quick kiss on his side. “You know what sucks more than possibly losing my best friend for good?” You ask, humor shines in your eyes. “What’s that?”

“Losing my New York tour guide.” He laughs. “You’re laughing now, but it’s serious. She created these crazy itineraries for us to be the most obnoxious tourist. Now I have to rely on my own planning skills, which aren’t great.” Hugh goes quiet for a moment. You search his face for his thoughts and he seems unsure of what he’s about to say. 

“I could..uh. I could go to New York with you. I kinda need to go anyways, been meaning to go.” He says and when you don’t speak right away, he panics. “You don’t have to say yes. I know we’ve been spending a lot of time together and I understand if you want some time for yourself..” You giggle at his overthinking. “Hugh, I would love for you to come to New York with me.” He lets out a breath you didn’t know he was holding. “Okay good. That’s great! I needed to go back a few weeks ago actually so this works out for the both of us.” 

“Why didn’t you go back when you needed to?” His cheeks go red. “Oh my god! You totally stayed because of me didn’t you?”

 “Maybe..” He admits. “I was scheduled to fly back to New York before your album party, but then you texted me. I couldn’t pass that up.” 

“You keep acting like this and you’re gonna make me fall in love with you Hugh Jackman.” A smug smile falls onto his lips. “You better.” 

The few days leading up to you leaving for New York were short. Hugh left for the city the next day, promising he would see you the moment you landed, sealing the promise with a quick kiss. You busied yourself with tour rehearsals and interview prep. It had been a lonely few days. Hugh was gone and you weren’t talking to Ashley, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You and Hugh texted daily but it wasn’t the same as being in his presence, a presence you had come to enjoy having around. You were close to saying ‘fuck it’ and be fully committed to him but a part of you was still hesitant. Too much has happened recently, it feels like you can’t think straight half the time. Your last relationship was only a few months ago, your best friend was trying to steal every man you liked, and you’re at the peak of your career. You needed a mental breather. 

LAX airport was cold and stuffy. People were walking casually towards their destination with a few runners here and there. While you loved traveling, airports made you feel uneasy. There were so many people going to the most random places on the most random days and random times. It was uncomfortable to think about. You sat there in silence, too afraid to wear headphones. You liked to know what was happening around you at all times, a freak peeve. When it was finally time to board the plane, you were already exhausted from it all. Almost seven hours later, you landed at JFK airport in New York City. Once you turn off airplane mode on your phone, you see a few texts from Hugh. He insisted that he could pick you up from the airport and take you to your hotel. Your ‘personal chauffeur” he jokingly called himself. You texted Hugh back as people hurriedly grabbed their belongings and scurried down the thin aisles. 

You: just landed! see you soon hot stuff ;)

He told you beforehand that he made arrangements to pick you up in a private area, away from prying eyes. You weren’t nearly famous enough to know what that means, so you simply followed the instructions he gave you. It was a little confusing at first, having only been in the busy airport once before. With some help from workers, Hugh was finally in your view. He had a big smile on his face with his arms open wide for you. You walked with a little pep in your step, suitcase rolling behind you. When you got close enough, you let the handle go and ran the rest of the short distance to Hughs arms. His embrace was warm and welcoming, a familiar place. 

“Missed you sweet girl.” He mumbles into your hair. You pull back slightly, arms still holding him. “Missed you too.” Your voice is shy, almost forgetting how it felt to have his attention on you. You had missed him, more than you thought you would. Hearing his voice again made life feel real again after the past mundane days you’ve endured. The walk to his car was intimate- his arm sat atop your shoulders as you walked side by side. He insisted on rolling your luggage for you and wouldn’t take no for an answer when you protested. A true gentleman. He opened the passenger door for you, making sure you were in before putting your suitcase in the trunk and hopping into the driver's side. He looked a lot more presentable than you did. He wore a pair of blue jeans and a black shirt that hugged his biceps in a way that almost made you drool. It was simple but he looked delicious. Your sweats and hoodie couldn’t compare. His beard had finally grown in, no longer the prickly stubble that rested there a month ago. It was full and you hoped he would let it grow to that length that made him look even more expensive. 

“The option to stay at my place is still on the table if you want it babe.” He says, resting his hand on your thigh as he begins to pull out of the hidden parking lot. There was something so attractive about a man driving. Hugh’s side profile was godly and him driving really did something to your brain. “That wouldn’t be very friendly of us Hugh.” You rest your hand on top of his. “I think that’s the friendliest thing I could possibly do. Offer you a place to stay while in town instead of staying in a dingy hotel.” He eggs on trying to convince you. He first pitched the idea the night he offered to come to New York with you. You immediately declined, not wanting to invade his space. You wouldn’t know how to handle it, it made things too real. He had been over to your house countless times, but you had never been to his. You thought it best to keep it that way. You weren’t sure you could control yourself around him when you were surrounded by all things him. “Nothing is ever friendly between us Hugh.” He squeezes your thigh. “I have to argue with you there baby. In my humble opinion, we are too friendly.” He glances over to you and gives you a wink. He hasn’t been afraid of letting his intentions known. To let you know that he wants you, not as a friend. You’ve seen just how bad he craved you and it was tempting. He knew he had a dangerous effect on you, one that you worked really hard to control. 

“You’re always so horny.” You mumble. “It’s hard not to be when I have a gorgeous girl like you around all the time.” God he was so good with his words. His voice and his way of speaking. It was no mystery as to why he had people swooning for him left and right- you included. “Whatever.” You open your phone to text Stacy, letting her know you landed and in good hands. It was weird flying solo. You got so accustomed to flying along Ashley or Stacy. You weren’t particularly mad at the change if it meant you got to see Hugh’s face light up just at seeing you again. “Will you at least come over once?” He asks, hopeful. “I’ve seen your house, I’d really like you to see mine. It’s where I live most of the time. It would mean a lot.” The squeeze on your thigh lingers, his grip lasting longer than the previous one. You didn’t know how to explain that you really didn’t want to do that- be in his house. You didn’t think he would understand what you mean when you say ‘it’s too much’. The desperation in his voice, the yearning he felt to have you in his home. You couldn’t say no. “Yea I can do that.” The small smile that rested on his lips grew, his face lighting up. It made your stomach twist up in knots. 

The hotel that Stacy booked for you was grand. The elegance and class in the places you’ve stayed at while traveling has never failed to amaze you. Growing up, your family didn’t have a lot of money. When you went on family trips, the cheapest hotel, usually a motel 6, was your usual nightly accommodations. The places you stayed in now would have little you screaming and running around. The whole ‘entering fame’ process had been a huge culture shock that you were still learning to navigate appropriately. 

“Hm. Not too shabby, my house is better though.” Hugh says as he sits your luggage to the side. He had put a hat and sunglasses on, trying to make it less obvious that it was him- trying to hide that it was him who was with you. The hat, sunglasses, and beard combo was doing a number on your body. It took a lot of strength to keep yourself from dragging him to the bed and riding him until you were satisfied. Though, you’re not sure that you could ever be fully satisfied with Hugh. Not because you were scared he wouldn’t be good in bed but because you knew once he had you, you would need him again and again until you physically couldn’t handle him anymore. You  felt him that one night on the couch, movie night, you knew that man was packing and that it wouldn’t take much for him to bruise your cervix.

 “Hugh, please.” You warn him. He puts his hands up in defense. “Sorry, sorry…Just don’t forget that it’s an option.” “I don’t think you’d let me forget..” You let out a breathy laugh after. Hugh sits down at a small table and watches you as you walk around, exploring the room. You unpack a few things to make it easier on yourself later. “Are you up for exploring today?” He asks as he walks into the bathroom, where you’re placing your toiletries along the vanity counter. “Oo! I’d love to explore. I have one weird request though.” You're still facing the mirror when Hugh comes up behind you. His arms wrap around your waist, sitting a little higher due to his height. “What’s that baby?” He’s watching you through the mirror, as you organize your skin care. “I wanna go to Trinity Church to see Hamilton's grave.” You say nonchalantly. Hugh laughs and questions you. “I need to sing the ‘he’s buried in Trinity Church near you’ line from Hamilton.” Hugh continues laughing. “What!?” He barely gets the words out. It somewhat offends you.  “I thought you’d understand, being a theater nerd and all but I guess not.” You cross your arms and try to break through his hold to walk away. “Mhm. I’m sorry, come back. I wasn’t trying to make fun of you. You’re just full of surprises.” You relax in his hold. 

“Does that mean you’ll take me?” You look at his eyes through the mirror. “Yea i’ll take you.” He smiles. You look at Hugh in the mirror, observing how the two of you look together. He looks really good holding you and not to toot your own horn, but Hugh and yourself made an attractive couple. He looked good on your arm and you looked good on his. “You're so pretty, baby.” He whispers. “Every time I look at you, I’m blown away that you’re hanging around with me.” His arms tighten around you. “Hmm. I think we look good together, don’t you?” You reach your neck up to look at him as best as you can given the angle. He studies your two bodies in the mirror before agreeing. “Yea we do.”

Walking around with Hugh felt freeing. You’ve been trying so hard to keep things private lately that every time you weren’t in the secure confines of your house with him, you felt panicked. It was something that crossed your mind before the two of you left the hotel but he assured you that it wasn’t very likely that someone would notice both of you. You were a little doubtful in his words, opting to dress in a way that protected you from the early fall breeze and from making it too obvious of who you were. Hugh had been right though, you both were able to walk around pretty freely, undisturbed. He brought you to trinity church first and reluctantly filmed a video of you dramatically singing the line from Hamilton. To you it was peak comedy and Hugh was being a big hater. He took you to a few of his favorite places, hidden gems. It was perfect. You wanted to hold his hand, bodies brushing against each other as you walked, but you couldn’t. The night ended by Hugh taking you to get traditional New York pizza. He ordered a large pepperoni and you both walked back to the hotel. The moment your room door was opened, you were pulling your heeled boots off. The walking destroyed your feet but you’d gone beyond your daily step goals- a win is a win. Sitting at the table with Hugh, you both grabbed a slice of pizza. He waited for you to take a bite first, looking for your reaction. When you took a bite, you let out a moan- you weren’t sure if it was because it tasted that good or because of how hungry you were. “That good?” Hugh asks in amusement. “Yes, I was starving.” He chuckles and takes his own big bite. The two of you down the entire pizza at an embarrassingly fast rate. “Did you have fun today?” He asks you. “Yea, I really did. Thank you Hugh.” 

When Hugh left, you scrolled through all of the pictures and videos you had taken today. You snuck a couple of Hugh and you might have stared at them a little too long. You watched the Trinity Church video so you could post it on TikTok. As you uploaded it into the app and were giving it one last watch before hitting post, a sound caught your attention. You grabbed your headphones and connected them to get a better listen. As you were singing, you could hear Hugh quietly laughing in the background. The sound brought a smile to your face, replaying it over and over just to hear it again. You hit the ‘post’ and called it a night. 

The next morning was an early one. You had to be at the photo shoot at five am to get ready, meaning you were out the door at four. Stacy met you down in the lobby and led you to the car she had waiting for you. “How was your first day in New York? You and Ashley have fun?” She asks as she buckles her seatbelt. “Oh, Ashley didn’t come, we aren’t friends anymore. My first day was good though, really fun.” You smile at the memories of the day prior, ignoring the small pain from hearing Ashley’s name. Stacy gives you a questioning look. You sigh before explaining, “She was being weird and it turns out she was flirting with Hugh the other day when they came to rehearsals. She didn’t even have the decency not to do it in the exact same room.” Her expression turns to an understanding one. “Well, good riddance. I knew after the first time that the girl was nothing but trouble. Good for you babe.” She types on her phone for a moment before turning her attention back to you- your staring out the window, taking in the somewhat empty streets that were full of people the night before.

“So, what did you do yesterday that was so fun?” You don’t look at her when you respond. “Hugh took me exploring, showed me the city.” She snorts. “Hugh, huh?” You look at her sheepishly. “Yea. He felt bad that I didn’t have someone to go with me so he offered.” You shrug. It wasn’t that big of a deal. “I told you.” 

“Told me what?” 

“That you wouldn’t be able to stay away from that man.” She shakes her head. You sometimes forgot just how well Stacy knows you after years of her by your side. The car comes to a stop outside of a short building, shorter than the other ones around it anyway. You sat in hair and makeup for a while, talking to the artists as they worked. You always liked making conversation with the people that helped you, it was always interesting hearing everyone's stories. The photo shoot wasn’t anything crazy. It was a well known photographer that had worked with major stars, her most recent model being Zendaya. It was a huge compliment that she wanted to work with you. It wasn’t like other shoots you had done before, this had been way more artsy and free. You were so used to doing things for brands or for your own music, where everything needed to be a certain way. It was nice to work on projects where you didn’t have to think but just be you. 

When the shoot was over, you sat in a small lobby with Stacy as you waited for the car to come pick you up. You opened tiktok to see what people were saying in the comments of your latest post. Most of them were freaking out over the laugh in the background, over analyzing it to find out who it was. There were a few comments that speculated that it might be Hugh and it made you laugh, shocked by the crazy detective skills your fans had. You kept scrolling when you saw a comment that caught your attention.

‘Y/N GET YOUR MAN UNDER CONTROL SDJFJSDF’ 

You clicked on the ‘view replies’ tab under it trying to figure out what they were talking about. Thankfully, other people were just as confused as you were with multiple ‘context?’ comments under it. 

‘look at hughs recent instagram post 😭’

In curiosity, you closed Tiktok and opened instagram. You went to the search bar, clicking on his username from your recent searched section. You click on the most recent picture making it enlarge and you let out an audible gasp. “Are you okay?” Stacy asks. You almost forgot where you were for a second. “Yea i’m fine…funny tiktok comment.” You tried to play it off, hoping she’d buy the excuse. It seems to work as she gives a small nod, looking back down to her phone. You look back down at your own device, in complete and utter shock. You knew he was built, seeing other pictures he had posted and endless edits of his greasy hawaiian rolls from Deadpool and Wolverine. 

This however seemed so much slutier. He was in, what you assumed was his home bathroom, taking shirtless pictures of himself. You could tell it had been recent because his beard and hair were the same length that it’s been for the past week. You felt frozen, not knowing what to do. He looked absolutely scrumptious. Pulling out your airpods from your purse, you put them on to listen to the attached audio. You had no fucking clue how you were supposed to look him in the eyes the next time you saw him. His voice was something special. It had the ability to make your knees weak at the sound. This was no different. It felt like he was teasing you subtly. You quickly screenshot the picture and swipe out of instagram, opening your message app. 

You: I leave you alone for less than 24 hours and you’re over here posting thirst traps for the internet… 

Hugh <3: I just wanted to thank my team. As the caption said…I am grateful. 

You: hmm you say it’s being grateful, I say it’s being a SLUT!! 

You: you look really fucking good though…

Hugh<3: 😂😂😂

Hugh<3: Thank you baby. Do I get to see you today or are you still busy? 

You: I have meetings the rest of the day :( 

Hugh<3: It’s okay sweetheart. I’ll see you tomorrow? 

You: I have fallon tmrw night but i’ll be free at 8pm if you wanna meet up then? 

Hugh<3: That works for me. Text me when you’re done for the day, okay? Talk to you later baby

The car finally stops signaling that you were at the first meeting of the day. There were endless introductions, hand shaking, and smiling. It was a lot more tiring than it sounded. Stacy was doing most of the work, covering major details for whatever was being discussed- again you mainly sat and listened. There were a few times when you really had to pay attention as key points were being made but nothing would be final until your team and lawyer looked over whatever deals were being discussed. There was a short two hour break of freedom that Stacy and yourself used to grab some food. Then it was right back to work. You were somewhat grateful for Stacy scheduling all of the heavy work stuff on one day because it meant you didn’t have to do this again on the remaining days of your trip. Stacy liked to set it up that way, giving you more time to be free from work, you loved her for it. The two of you had dinner together and went your separate ways after. You got back to your hotel at ten and to say you were worn out was an understatement. Your head was hurting from all the talking and bright fluorescent lights of each office you sat in today. 

You: I’m finally freeeee!! 

After hitting send, you hopped in the shower. The best thing about staying in an expensive hotel was how great the water pressure was. The hot water felt like heaven against your sticky skin, the thick body glitter from the photoshoot finally slipping away. You let your mind wander back to the picture that had been in your mind all day. Running your hands down your body, teasing yourself while imagining that it was Hugh’s wide hands instead. You let your hands disappear in the place that ached the most, working as your mind played the fantasies that ate away at you. You could almost feel Hugh’s mouth whispering against your ear as the feeling of ecstasy washes over your body, the running water muffling the sounds of your pleasure. 

Hugh still hadn’t texted you back when you had gotten out of the shower. It was unusual for him to take so long to respond but given the time- and his age- he was probably asleep. The downside to dating older men was their need to be in bed so early. You giggled to yourself thinking about the thought of Hugh being knocked the fuck out in bed after yawning since the clock hit 7pm. Laying in bed, you whipped out your phone opening twitter. You tweeted a quick post, reminding your fans to watch Jimmy Fallon tomorrow night. You scrolled lazily for a while, feeling the sleep take over you but when you saw one post in particular, you felt wide awake. 

‘Hugh Jackman and ex-wife seen walking around New York together a year after separation.’ 

You had no right to feel the jealousy and anger that sat tight in your chest. His ex-wife was something you were completely aware of but it was a subject neither Hugh or yourself had talked about. You understood that she would always be around, after being married to her longer than you’d even been alive. You laugh in disbelief. It sounded so stupid when you put it like that. The age gap never bothered you until you put it in perspective. You couldn’t help who you liked though. The overthinking hit faster than you could stop it. You wondered why he didn’t tell you that he was seeing her today. His smile in the picture was a little too wide, he looked too happy. He wasn’t even yours to claim, yet you wanted her to know that he had you now, that he wanted you. The vile thoughts that danced around your head were making your temper rise. You set some alarms and tried to get some sleep. Most of the night was tossing and turning, thinking about Hugh’s ex-wife. 

Hugh<3: Good morning sweet girl. I’m sorry for not getting back to you last night. I fell asleep on the couch waiting for you to text me lol 

It was what you saw first when your alarm went off. It was sent a few hours ago since you gave yourself some time to sleep in, given the trouble you had getting to sleep last night. You ultimately decided that you wouldn’t be mad at him for it, you didn’t have a reason to be. If the two of you were official, things would be different, but you weren’t. You were going to try your best to swallow the jealousy and let it be. 

You: good morning baby! I figured that’s what happened lol

Hugh<3: Are you excited for Fallon tonight? 😄

You: yea…only a tinsy bit nervous 

Hugh<3: You’re gonna crush it babe, I know it. I still get to see you after yea? Miss you

You: I miss you too :(

You: do you wanna meet at the hotel after or…?

Hugh<3: I can pick you up and we can go to my place? 

You stared at the message contemplating it. Hugh’s house was already a fear of yours but his house at night seemed a lot more intimate. You felt the need to be that intimate with him though- it was fueled by the pictures from last night, you knew it was. If that hadn't happened, you’d be saying no, making up excuses not to. You needed the validation too much to think straight. 

You: yea we can do that :)

Once you get to the Tonight Show studio, you barely have time to put your things down before you're being guided around. Thankfully, you warmed up your voice before leaving your hotel room just in case you didn’t have time to do it here. The crew had you and your dancers do a quick run through of the song to make sure everything was working before you were sent to your dressing room to get ready. Kat, your stylist, and Amari, your makeup and hair artist, were already in the room ready to get to work. You took the time to catch up with both of them, the three of you falling into a familiar routine. Your nerves started to build up as it got closer to the filming time. About twenty minutes before you were called to stage, Jimmy came back to introduce himself. He was a really sweet guy, super bubbly and humble. It eased your mind a little bit but they shot right back up when your name was called. “Y/n L/n everybody!”. The studio audience erupted in cheers as you walked to Jimmy’s desk. “Welcome to the show, how are you doing tonight?” He asks. “I’m doing amazing, thank you so much for having me.” The cheers finally slow down. “So, I got told that this is your first late night show interview, is that right?” 

“Yes, it is!” 

“I’m honored to be the first.” 

“I’m glad it’s you who popped my late night talk show cherry, Jimmy.” You joke, using your song's title as a pun, which he does his famous laugh at. The interview was going really well, most of the questions being ones you’ve answered countless times before.

“There have been a few rumors going around after a tiktok you posted the other day and I have to ask.” You nod ready for whatever question he’s about to ask. “Is the laugh behind the camera Mr. Hugh Jackman?” Your smile falters for a second before you put it right back on. This was something you weren’t prepared for at all. You let out a laugh. “The fans can keep speculating. A girl never kisses and tells.” It probably wasn’t the best answer- you know it wasn’t the best answer- but it’s all you could come up with in that moment. You just hoped no one noticed the split second your calm facade slipped, that it felt longer than it had actually lasted. 

Hugh was already there when you were free to leave, having texted him in the spare moment you had while getting changed into your performance outfit. Once you were in the car, he didn’t hesitate to ask how it went. “It was good. He uh…he asked about you.” You don’t why you were concerned about how he would respond, but you were. “About me?” He glances at you quickly before focusing on the road again. “Uhh..yeah. I posted the Hamilton video on tiktok and you can hear you laughing in it. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal but people started to guess it was you. I’m sorry.” You slump down into the seat, waiting for his anger to come but it never does. “Don’t apologize baby. I want people to know I’m with you.” He never fails at knowing what to say, his words always flow out of his mouth effortlessly. “I kinda redirected the question though, not really giving a solid answer. I don’t know, it really threw me off.” He nods. “They like to do that, be sneaky.” 

It took a little longer than expected to get to his place, New York traffic moving at a snail's pace. When you do finally arrive, he’s pulling into an underground parking garage that sits under a skyscraper that you can’t see the top of. The elevator ride up was easily the longest one you’d ever been on, his penthouse being on the 56th floor. He opens the door and turns on the light switch that is conveniently placed in the entrance. “Welcome to my home. Mi casa es su casa.” He jokes and you let out a short snort at the stupid joke. “Would you like the official Hugh Jackman house tour?” Excitement was radiating off of him and you thought it was cute that he was this worked up about you being here, in his space. “I’d love one.” He offers his hand and you take it. Your once icy hand being warmed up instantly from his large, warm one. 

As he dragged you to the living room, you started to feel that uneasiness again, like you shouldn’t be here. It kept nagging at you in the back of your head but you refused to pick at it. This was making Hugh happy, you weren’t going to ruin that because of whatever issues you were hiding. After showing you the living room, he pulls you into a large kitchen. A vase full of bright pink flowers, balloons, and a cookie cake that reads ‘congrats’ sits on the counter. You let go of his hand and walk over to the island while he stays put. You run your fingertips over the soft petals of the flowers, peonies- your favorite. “Do you like them? I uh..wasn’t sure what your flower preference was, so I chose peonies because of your song.” 

The gesture makes you emotional. You’d never had a man go out of his way for you like this. He hadn’t known what flowers you liked but he remembered your song title to fill in the blank. A song where you had one line that says: ‘you got me roses when you know I like peonies’. A song from your debut album. “I love them. I love this.” You gesture to the display. You walk back over to where he stands and reach up to grab his face, bringing it down to give him a quick peck on his lips. “This means a lot to me, thank you Hugh.” The previous perturbation vanishing from your head, that cherished easiness you felt with Hugh slips back in. You were meant to be here. 

“Shall we finish the tour?” You ask, spirits high. “Of course my lady, right this way.” He leads you room to room, giving you a mini explanation for each one. It was an average home, well average for a millionaire. It was obvious that a single, older man lived here but not in a bad way, there just wasn’t a woman's touch on the place. “This is bathroom number two, the one I use most frequently.” Something about the room seemed familiar as you looked around. There were a few art pieces on the marbled wall, a large mirror across from them. You were looking at the suspiciously large mirror when it clicked. 

“OH MY GOD!! This is the thirst trap bathroom! I can’t believe I have the pleasure of being in such a sacred place.” You move around the space in a theatrical way, pretending you were in a place of true importance. 

“Oh god…shut up.” He groans in embarrassment. “Could you reenact the moment? It would really help me get the full feel of the room.” You’re still teasing him but that question came back to slap you right across the face. You see a smirk on Hugh's face and he’s reaching his hands down and starts lifting his shirt off- but not in the practical way but in the super sexy crossed arms way. “WAIT! I was just kidding.” You practically scream at him, not mentally prepared to see Hugh shirtless in person. He stops and shrugs, turning around to leave the room. Before you can stop yourself, the horny part of your brain is speaking. “Wait no, keep going.” He slowly turns around with that stupid sexy smile of his and the raised eyebrow thing he does. The atmosphere of the small room changed instantly. He’s pulling at his shirt again, painfully slow in your opinion. As he inches it up, you analyze each slither of skin that’s freed. There is a patch of hair below his belly button leading down into his pants. A strong v-line and a thick vein practically popping out of his skin, begging to be traced with your tongue. The shirt goes higher and higher, revealing more of his chest. Each ab pops out and it’s like a gift from God right in front of your eyes. He pulls the shirt over his head, biceps flexing slightly, and drops the shirt onto the floor. You're frozen in place, not believing that this is real. 

You never have been one to believe in karma but you must have been a saint in your past life to deserve this. You see his mouth move but don’t hear a word he says. All you see is the hairy chest you’d been thirsting over, moving closer until it’s right in front of you. He grabs your cheeks between one hand and faces your eyes up towards his own. “Are you okay y/n?” He has a worry behind his eyes. 

“You’re like really hot. It’s actually frustrating how hot you are.” His grip on your face loosens as you speak. “You asked to see, I was only fulfilling your wishes.” You felt dizzy. He hadn’t even touched you and the way your whole face sits in his one hand and the way his abs are begging to be licked, had you flustered. You were drunk on Hugh. “You're wandering again…maybe I should put my shirt back on.” He goes to reach for it but you reach out, lightly grabbing his arm to stop him. “Not yet.” It’s mumbled and quiet, aimed more towards yourself than it was to him. 

Hugh stands back up, his height towering over you. You couldn’t decide if he had always been so tall. Towering over you in a way that made your heart beat faster. Your mind was battling itself: the arousal wanting nothing more than for Hugh to do whatever he wanted with you while the more reasonable side knew that there were too many things that needed to be talked about before crossing this line. The line had been crossed many times before with the kisses, touches, hand holding- the night on the couch… Sex was different. You weren’t fond of casual sex, it was too intimate an act to categorize as such. Whatever was happening between Hugh and yourself was far from casual though and you trusted him not to hurt you.

“You’re kinda scaring me here, pretty girl. Are you okay?” You couldn’t tell him that seeing his chest had sent you into a horny dazed confusion. You looked up at him, into his worried eyes. He was always so concerned about your well being and he cared so much about everything going on in your life. God, you prayed that this wouldn’t come back to bite you in the ass.

“Kiss me please.” Your voice is shaky, unstable. “Are you sure baby?” His hands rest on your shoulders, eyes searching yours for any doubt. 

“Please Hugh. I need you to kiss me.” His once troubled eyes turned dark as he bent down, kissing you like he never had before. The kiss was messy, full of hunger. His hands trailed down your sides until they cupped under the base of your ass. He effortlessly picks you up to sit you on the bathroom counter, lips never breaking contact. You could feel his tongue prodding at the entrance of your mouth as it asked for permission to enter. Granting access, your lips open, a throaty moan draws out as you feel his tongue swipe against yours. He pulls back for a moment. “Can I take this off? Is that okay?” He asks, referring to your shirt. His usual thick australian accent was soft in his breathy voice. You nod shyly and he doesn’t hesitate to reach down. You put your arms up to aid him as he gently pulls the shirt up and he sucks in a sharp breath. “Fuck baby…so fucking pretty.” His hands cup your bra covered breast, thumbs softly trailing over your stiff nipples causing you to drop your head back with a moan of pleasure. “We never finished the tour, sweet girl.” His hands are still fondling you and you lift your head back up to look at him. “What?” 

“There’s one more room I didn't get to show you.” His hands finally drop from your chest and he’s grabbing your hand, leading you towards whatever room it was that you hadn’t seen. He opens the door and the air surrounding you smells like Hugh. It was almost enough to make you pass out, head already light and fuzzy. 

You don’t have time to look around, Hugh immediately turning you to face him, attacking your mouth once again. His hands are reaching for the button of your jeans, pulling them down slowly once he’s got them open. Hugh’s lips escape yours and trail down your neck, your chest, the sides and your body, and finally your stomach as he slowly lowers himself to sit on his knees. He lifted each of your feet, helping you out of each pant leg. At each lift of your leg, he also pulls each sock off, kissing your calves as he does so. You're left in nothing but a black bra and thong. “Mhm. Can I touch you baby?” He asks looking up at you. You nod, the position he was in, all too arousing. He practically growls at your answer and starts leaving messy kisses on your thighs, his hands gripping the back of them. His lips trail up higher, ghosting over where you needed him the most. You could feel his breath through the thin cotton of your panties. Your own breath hitches as he licks a long teasing path between your two folds, the cotton dipping into them from the weight of his tongue. He looks up at you through his lashes, asking for permission. You mouth a small ‘please’ the only word that seems to be in your vocabulary at the moment. 

His thick fingers slip between the fabric and the skin on your hip on either side of your body, pulling the soaked thong down your legs. Before he continues, he’s standing up and guiding you to the bed. “Get up there and spread that pretty pussy for me baby. Wanna see it.” You waste no time doing what he asks, climbing up the unusually tall bed and laying on your back. You don’t open your legs right away, shyness creeping in. You were almost fully exposed to Hugh, the only thing still covered being your boobs, while he was almost fully covered, only his shirt being off. “Don’t go all shy on me now baby.” He says, guiding your legs open, pussy on full display. “Fuck..look at you sweet girl, all wet for me.” His thumbs pull back each fold, exposing the pink that was partially hidden. He leans town and licks from your entrance to your clit. “Mhmm fuck.” You moan out at the feeling. His tongue felt hot against your warm center, beard tickling your skin as he moved. The sound encourages him to continue. He dives down again, tongue lapping around your needy clit. The constant pressure causes your body to jerk voluntarily. Hugh brings both of his hands to hold you down at your legs, tongue still abusing the small bud. Loud moans escape your mouth as his tongue trails down to your entrance sliding in. “Oh fuck me.” You moan out. “Your pussy taste so fucking good.” He mutters against your skin. His right hand moves from its position on your hip, his middle finger sliding down to your opening. He slowly slides it in, the small stretch feels too good. He starts moving it, hitting the spongy bundle of nerves over and over again. “Fuck baby, i’m gonna cum.” You warn him. His head dips back down, tongue returning to your clit and one suck is all it takes for you to come around his finger. You let out a string of moans and curses, Hugh never letting up until your climax is over. He does one more lap around your pussy with his tongue, cleaning everything up before moving up the bed next to you. 

“Been wanting to do that forever baby. Knew you’d have a perfect little pussy.” His words make you cover your face with your hands in embarrassment. Even with your own orgasm washing the need out of your body, you were still turned on. The sight of your slick in Hugh’s beard and the very noticeable tent in Hugh’s jeans made it worse. You sit up and go to move. “Where are you going?” Hugh asks, sitting up on his forearms to look at you. You don't respond, instead you reach for the button of his jeans. “You don’t have to do that baby.” He assures you. “I want to.” It was the first coherent sentence you’ve been able to muster and it makes Hugh fall back into the bed. You pull his jeans and boxers off in one go, too impatient to wait. His cock springs free, red and angry. It was long, thin, and veiny- exactly as you imagined it being. It made your mouth water. He had a thick patch of pubic hair and it turned you on even more, you were such a whore for hairy men. 

You sat yourself between each of his thighs, running your hands up and down them. He’s watching you as you take your right hand, wrapping it around the base of him. He sucks in a breath. You're looking him in the eyes as you lean your head down, letting your tongue swirl in slow circles around his tip. “Fuck…” You take the tip slowly into your mouth, sucking on it while your tongue still circles. Your left hand replaces the right on his dick, right hand moving down to cup his balls. “Shit..” He hisses out. “Haven’t done this in a while baby, not gonna last long at all.” He confesses but men coming fast had always been something that excited you, so you got to work. Your head dipped lower, taking more of him in your mouth while hollowing your cheeks, creating a dangerous suction on him. Your pace was steady as he moaned. “Yea baby, just like that…mmm fuck.” He was a talker and you loved it. You took him out of your mouth, moving down to his balls instead. You sucked on them as your hands worked his shaft. He was breathing rapidly. “I’m gonna cum baby….ohh fuck baby don’t stop.” You immediately moved your mouth back to his tip, sucking every drop of cum from him, not letting any go to waste. You can feel his thighs clenching next to yours. When you're confident that he was done spewing, you swallow it down happily and smile up at him. 

“You’re a dream, you know that? So fucking perfect for me.” He sighs in content as you crawl up to lay on his chest. “You really believe that?” You ask. “I really believe it, y/n. Haven’t felt this way in a long time..” You didn’t want to ask him what that meant, he would tell you eventually. “You wanna stay here tonight?” You look around, seeing the time on the digital alarm clock he had on a bedside table. It read 11:30pm. “Yea, if that’s okay.” You didn’t want to inconvenience him, even if he’s the one who asked. “More than okay sweet girl.” 

The two of you took a quick shower together, the main goal was to get clean so you could hit the hay. Hugh strayed from that a little bit at the sight of your boobs, which he hadn’t seen fully during the fun you had earlier. He gave them small kisses, worshiping them as you washed your hair. He gave you a shirt to sleep in and you opted to go commando, not wanting to put your dirty underwear back on- Hugh didn’t complain about this. His own pajamas being his boxers and nothing else. The two of you laid in Hugh’s bed, you cuddled on his side running your fingers through the hair on his chest. A silence fell over the room, sleep creeping its way in.

thank you for reading!

part six

series taglist: @chronicallybubbly @spideybv28 @pear-1206 @robertthehoover @reidsworld @bloody-bunni666 @quillycrow @kythefangirl25 @bluetimeombre @cskidjgsjaoaknayan52782 @thewiselionessss @annagraceevanss @peterparkernotfound @rogueinmymind @samsamsantos @wolviesgirl @white-wolf-buckaroo @weskerussy @marvelgirlie-4 @honey-ros3ss @nonamevenus @nizem8 @chaimshelii @rockerchick05 @starryeddie @saylak @haytchee @godlypresley @mega-kittyglitter-1 @acescutejeans-1247 @bethexo07

Please let me know if I missed you or if the tag doesn't work! I fixed a few for this one but please let me know if it's still not working.

If you want to be added to the taglist, please comment on this post ot the masterlist for the series. thank you <3

[nyrrwrites]

✮⋆˙ 🩻 — 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 | 𝐥. 𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲

✮⋆˙ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : lo’ak 〤 omaticayan!reader

✮⋆˙ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 : in which 4 years have passed after the incident. Change was normal to occur, but so was loss and grievance within that change. Change was something that had occurred within the youngest Sully boy when the RDA returned, when he had to flee from home and leave you behind, when the incident happened. When the Sullys returned after two years, Lo’ak instantly seeked for you, yet you’ve noticed he had changed both for the better and worse, and sometimes, most days, it had become for the worst. You’d given him many warnings throughout the year, as both of you have now reached adulthood and have committed to a relationship that at first begun with the constant lovesickness for one another, never ending touches, stolen kisses, but that was when you were mere teenagers, and as time went by, as change and grief and war came upon you, your relationship took a shift. Harsher he became, more reckless, impulsive, ignorant, inconsiderate, yet he promised he’d change for you. After every act and word, he promised to search within himself, within the past to try and find the Lo’ak he once was, the proper mate you deserved soon, the Lo’ak who you adored with your entire soul. Yet if you were to be sincere, you knew that after all these major events that happened to Lo’ak and after the months of not seeing him, he would not be the same, especially after the loss of Neteyam. You wanted to hang onto the sliver of hope, of sanity for yourself, because Lo’ak had not been the only one to have lost something, someone, yet it seemed that everyone always excused him for his behavior, nobody cared, especially Lo’ak. He was constantly out flying, ‘on patrol’, never returning to the hideout the Omaticaya People still had to endure, and his excuses only became more and more unreasonable. His father said the boy’s just under a lot of pressure, Kiri said he’d come around, but Neytiri did not; while she too grief, she too experienced major changes, it did not give her son the excuse to treat you with such heartless behavior. You loved Lo’ak, and you loved him ultimately and beyond compare. You loved him too much however, to the point where it blinded you from seeing the harsh reality that this indeed was not your Lo’ak anymore. The strong substance your people had, he somehow always found a way to consume it, practically reek of it without his family knowing — and you didn’t dare ‘rat’ him out. He wasn’t yours anymore, and every ounce of pain, of grief, of sadness you felt for him soon disintegrated. He was supposed to be your boyfriend, he was supposed to be the one bound to be your mate when the time came. But now, it seemed that he wasn’t suitable for you, and while 14 year old you promised his 14 year old self to never leave, you realized now why promises wound up empty. Everyone reaches a breaking point, and you are now finally acting upon it.

✮⋆˙ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 / 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 : aged up!lo’ak, ANGST, 18+, thigh riding, fingering, grinding, mild kuru play?, overstimulation, soft!lo’ak, teasing, drinking/alcoholism — lo’ak’s insecure, stubborn, harsh and grieving still but masks it a bit well, reader is slightly sensitive, fed up w him, gives in to one more chance w him tho — italics in dialogue signifies they’re speaking Na’vi!

✮⋆˙ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : pretty long, lol

✮⋆˙ 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 : @bambithewriter @lilghostiequinni @pandoraslxna @avatarloverfrfr @strongheartneteyam @talanyra

✮⋆˙ author’s note : Just in my feelings rn, LMAO. Neteyam series prologue will be posted soon ( hopefully….I just want to make sure it’s good and there’s enough but not too much detail to give away what may happen in future chapters — it’s one of those things where I’ve written the following chapters just not the one I should have actually put time in😭 —) but just thought I’d drop this — Lo’ak lovers, rise up! I hope you like it! Please don’t hesitate to comment, reblogs are appreciated! <33

“Good. You are up here.” You are met with his back facing you mere feet away, the unkempt pattern of his stripes and the tense rise of his shoulders is more than enough for you to know it is him, especially when knowing that this spot is the single one reserved for him. Lo'ak Sully was left in a state of utter bewilderment, a feeling he thought he had long surpassed. Over the years, he had honed and heightened each of his senses to such an extent that no ordinary being could startle him anymore. However, you were no ordinary being, and that was precisely what captivated him. Your ability to always bewilder and astonish him in unexpected ways kept him constantly alert and intrigued.

He gave a subtle glance to the object in his hold — a minor wooden cup filled to the brim with an alcoholic beverage — naer — one the Na’vi can smell before even spotting it for its scent is strong, vigor. At this point, there is no trying to hide or deny it from you. Even if he did try to throw it off the large branches he sat upon, the scent would be there, reeking around and on him. He had given you the vacant promise to back away from it, or very least try to yet make no effort in doing so. This drink that, while it tips one over for a bit of time, it also deprived feelings you could no longer do. Whatever had happened in his life, each burning drop down his throat and to his mind managed to fix for a minimum amount of time. Of course Lo’ak would not give this up — the opportunity to not feel anything to the bone.

“Your father said you did not show up for your training.” Your tone of voice was deficient of its common disappointment and despair, simply uttering as if you didn’t spare a care for it anymore.

“My father should learn to mind his own business and worry more about leading his People and fixing the damage done from the Sky People.” Lo’ak finally spoke, voice curt and Na’vi language gaining a thickness as he heard your subtle footsteps against branches. “I am not a child anymore.”

“You are right. You are not. But he is still your father, he worries for you. So does your mother.” You reminded him as if it were not known, reaching your spot next to his sitting frame only to see what you have already suspected in his hold, taking in his physical state.

“Yeah well, he shouldn’t. He has no reason to, and neither does she.” His quip made your lips squirm down but said nothing as you observed the drink in his hand, the way his ear flitted from his own words, from your words in adding onto that his mother worries. A quirk settled between your browline but held your tongue for you did not want to start some meaningless quarrel. But Lo’ak could feel the distaste radiating from you, how you’re fighting the urge to scold him for his incapability to uphold his fair share of promises. What he doesn’t understand is why have you not done so?

“You look very pretty. Sevin ( pretty ).” He softly stated.

A small smile was all to be offered — one filled with slight remorse. His legs had been dangling down the edge of the thick glowing lodge, and you pondered on doing the same as you have always done since you were children; swinging them above the small lake of water at the same pace he would, teasing him with a light nudge of your foot. But this time was different. Instead, you settle beside him, knees bent beneath you and slightly tilted your body towards him. Lo’ak’s blazing irises scrutinized you the way he typically does, recognizing the strain your shoulders formed, as if you were on edge because of him. So, he took one more small swig of the liquid before his face started inclining forward to plant a light kiss on your lips. One that was fleeting – everything tied or related to Lo’ak was always fleeting.

Lo’ak’s lips very often suffused your mind from thought, so incongruous from right and wrong.

One moment Lo’ak offered his physical affections and pretty words.

The next, not even a split moment, he was the cause of your suffering stars.

You now pondered where exactly this little act would land the both of you in.

You were the first to retract away from Lo’ak, not wanting to fall into his patterned act. The kind of act of loving Lo’ak too destructively that overflowed everything with a single touch, and tug you back into him.

“What iss wrong?” He inquired, dark brows quirking.

Your coils lightly sway at the head shake given, yet he knew before you could have a chance to verbally utter the lie. “Lying is not a good look for you.”

“I am not lying.” You were quick to snip out before you could contain your tone, palms pressing into your thighs that indicated the falseness of your words.

“Right.” His eyes rolled and bit, “There’s something you would like to say?”

You can’t help but blink a few times. This was an opening, to say what was in your chest. “Srane ( yes ).”

A hum of boredom rang through the air. “You could have just said that then. No need to take the hard way around.” His golden eyes were drawn to the liquid in his hold, watching its faint glow swirl with the light flick of his wrist, and you wondered just how far gone was he. Normally, Lo’ak would have some sort of facade going on, one that’s filled with his now dry jokes and teasing smiles despite the fact that the both of you knew it was just a show. Yet now, he was unfazed by your presence as he brought the cup to his lips, throat bobbing with the largest swings he took.

Perhaps if you were standing, you might’ve tipped over and fallen into the lake. He simply saw it written in bold letters right across your face. “I am not here to fight with you.” You quietly started.

“Then don’t.”

An exhale flared your cat-like nose at his crossed tone. “Okay, I will not but I am going to need you to drop whatever tone it is you are trying to achieve with me, Suli.” Lo’ak, despite the abrupt changes spiking in him, was still your Lo’ak, so when he heard your warning, his ears pinned down by the sides of his head and eyes strayed to the ground below as an act of regret. This gave you some sliver of hope.

Not necessarily did you want Lo’ak to be unstable or uncertain with himself, it made you quite content that he has grown into his fierceness. What was bothersome to you were his drastic changes, and it seemed what once went as two souls that twined perfectly for one another was now misplaced — your presence within his life was not necessary any longer. The intoxication he was constantly washed in came with a smell too strong for your liking, too nauseating, too overwhelming for your senses. Tears swelled up in your eyes, yet you contained them. “I had thought you were going to quit.”

“If we are speaking truthfully, I told you I would try.” He corrected, smug voice paired with a stupid smirk.

“Hm, and have you?” You retorted and his brows hitched beneath his two thin cascades of braids. “Have you tried to quit?”

“And you have got proof that I haven’t?” You despised this, despised the person he’d become, despise that he seemed to knew precisely what he was doing and didn’t give two fucks about it.

“Let us see — there is Kiri, there is Spider, oh there is even Tuk who tells me this!” Your voice carried a feign sweetness and surprise, watching how his brows crashed together with your sneered words. “This is the brother you wish for them to see? This is the person you want your future People to see, Lo’ak? Their possible future leader, the Tippling Olo’eyktan?”

“And what the hell is it to you, huh? We already know I am not suited to be Leader.” His spiking temper was one to shut you up, but you did not fail to notice the light lash his tail made. “You are not my mother, you are not Tsahik, and you are certainly not my mate. I do not need you worrying over me. And I do not need your constant annoying questions.” Your body shuddered, more so because of the harshness of his tone rather than the biting air. Your knees dug into the branch’s crippled surface, fingers winding into fists as your eyes quickly averted from him. Eywa was witness to the sensitivity you had gain over the years, the years Lo’ak happened to be in.

“It is not common for some warm body to ask this much from their future Olo’eyktan either.”

Lo’ak’s added on words striked you with force, causing you to physically and instinctively recoil from the sharp sting of it. The deep slice within your heart, cleanly tearing into two parts. Perhaps in some pieces, some hindsight, it could have been described as that if you did not add onto the fact that the both of you grew up together, the fact that he did not have the simplicity of courage to call you by the true title he once proudly uttered you as; his. His bound-to-be mate, his love.

“A warm body? That is all I am to you?” You questioned, and Lo’ak — rethinking whether his mistake was to tell you the definition of those words in human terms or perhaps the true, more common mistake he noticed that was clearly etched in his features — gained regret behind those lax-colored eyes of his. But it was masked, tightly trapped beneath this filthy portrayal of pride, egotistical, brash and reckless man. Not even a man, a boy.

“Lo’ak!”

Instead of giving you a proper answer, he threw you a side glance, one filled with provocation. The scoff emerging from your throat was inevitable, and you nodded. If this was how he wished to act, then fine. It will make the forthcoming situation much easier for you then. The only way to get through with this was if you treat him as if he was nothing to you. “We must speak.”

Push through the heartache, the pain, the way it tore you apart. You must start to truly see him for who he was in this present moment.

And what you saw was not your Lo’ak.

Lo’ak was listening, you could tell by how his ears slightly flitted up, but he said nothing. Simply awaiting for you to proceed as he took another sip.

“I…” You felt the affliction that tried clawing its way up your throat, your eyes fixating on the ground and you stayed quiet for a while.

“Just spill it already.”

“I have come to say goodbye, Lo’ak.” His slamming shock is beyond thrilling. You had been seeking for some, any type of sign that would prove Lo’ak’s care for you — and perhaps this was the answer; the high perch of his ears, the broadening of his eyes, the hitched breath. Nonetheless, it was too late. He had created his situation, and now he would have to accept the consequences.

“What do you mean g-goodbye?” He stammered, and the cup was now abandoned and falling to the ground that was far below the both of you.

“Ah, so now you can speak!”

“Enough,” he inhaled deeply. “And answer the question.” The audacity this skxawng had. You are firmer with your words “Srane. Goodbye, Lo’ak.”

“And where exactly are you going? And when exactly were you going to tell me?” He spat out in distaste and disapproval, body fully turning towards you.

“The Tipani Clan.” You responded with an edge of sass. “I am telling you right now, aren’t I?”

His response was immediate, loud and he shook his head despite your answer was to be expected, knowing that one of your deceased parents descended from there. “The Tipani Clan? What about—” He halted his sentence from speaking of himself, of how if you left, you would be tearing away a part of him and taking it with you. But fear of vulnerability halted him from doing so, so instead he dodged it. “What about your duties here? I thought you promised to be here for your People in case the Sky People returned. To help rebuild.”

“Lo’ak, I am telling you that I am leaving and all you care about speaking is duty? Are you serious?” He instead looked away from you, too stubborn to answer, so you said his name again. He ignored you.

“Lo’ak, fucking look at me.” It was the rarity of hearing you speak English and the vulgar word thrown in the mix that caught Lo’ak’s attention, gold orbs flickering towards you in an instant and you immediately notice the diversity of emotion pooling them.

“So all that matters to you, is my duty to the Omaticaya? For me to not be here as a fixer upper for them? You only care about that being broken instead of this? Is that the only thing that matters in that head of yours?”

No. The response was, should have been a fierce no. You were constantly, always in Lo’ak’s head. He yearned for you extravagantly, and besides staying alive for the sake of his family, you were one of the few things he could find himself caring for. There would be many cold and curt swears to never trust, to never care or love after losing someone who not only qualified as a good mate, but a loving one, is what Lo’ak thought, he knew it. If you left him — when you left him, he would be done with it, with the twinge of good, of hope. He would be completely shut off from ever seeking a mate to be bonded with under Eywa’s will, he would not care of continuing the legacy of his name despite him now being the only son. His heart, the heart you once saw as fearless and strong, would be guarded by much thicker, massive walls, and that small space left would only become constricted by the waves of his tears. While you were everything to him, you were not sufficient enough to spare him the grief. At least not alone.

While he has grown, while he has sculpted his abilities and became nearly as mighty as his big brother, under all that was still a broken, hurt boy filled with guilt. He could not allow himself to get rid of that part of himself. He could not shed enough tears to move past everything that happened, that he had seen and lost.

Lo’ak loved you, he is deeply in love with you. And perhaps another thing that has changed was that he could not depend everything on you. No one should carry the responsibility of one’s whole happiness. There is no fairness in that.

So instead he found need in other things, distractions despite it being selfish. He needed to fly because it could get him away from the ground and connect to the closest thing that felt like Neteyam, he needed to drown himself in that alcohol the Na’vi made because it drowned away all the pain and misery his family went through, the burden to try and add up to something, someone he will never be able to fill. But while he was engulfed himself in all that, he could pretend that his family was not broken. That it was the same, once happy family it once was 5 years ago. The one that still had Neteyam’s presence, the one that still had a father rather than a commanding leader. In this minor haven of numbness, he could still pretend that those once fond memories were fresh, remembered the way they were supposed to be reminisced. He could not just let it go.

Meanwhile, Lo’ak’s silence was tearing you apart, fragmenting your heart into pieces. But now you knew, you saw the truth. You could not keep a desperate grasp around old words and acts anymore, for now they were faint. Empty. Pointless gifts of a said courting that was going nowhere. Loving phrases and charming grins he more than knew could accomplish in capturing your heart.

But now it was clear as day that it meant nothing to Lo’ak. You meant nothing to Lo’ak. He did not love you as much as you loved him.

His throat cleared, and thickly spoke in English. “Your place is here, Y/N.” His eyes refused to meet yours, jaw narrowed enough to demonstrate he was clearly upset, though you’ are not certain why.

“It was.” The correction you gave his words finally made everything click. His gaze lingered on the lake’s neon glow before lifting to look at you, trying to catch your own. The pretty decorated braids that framed his face moved with the motion of his head slanting to the side. He repeated your word, squinting before shaking his head and more so whispering to himself, “You’re leaving.”

Sharply exhaling, you finally uttered, “I am also here to end things between us, Lo’ak.”

Again, he was bewildered, and the cut breath he released made it known. Eyes darted over each feature upon your face, as if trying to commit it all into his memory, panic slowly seeping within him. “Can … I can say something, right?” His tone still carried its infamous jeer, but you suppose that was the last you deserved. You were the first to engage in this conversation. When you grant him the permission to speak, he wasted no second in taking advantage of it.

“W-where’s this coming from?”

You’re more than certain more inquiries will follow, and one or two questions will satisfy his little interrogation.

“What’s the motive behind all this, huh? How long you’ve been planning this, to leave me?” Lo’ak’s voice was one that never faltered nowadays — he, much like his father, was a fierce speaker. You knew that Lo’ak did not like to be kept in the unknown, in hiding. But now his voice was rather meek. His once honed gaze turned rounder, emphasizing that he may cry. What you despised most in this moment, was that it unphased you. Before this, all the trouble and conflict spiking between you and your Lo’ak, his tears were your least favorite thing in this entire existence. Out of everyone, you once believed Lo’ak was the least of them all to deserve the brim of tears. That he deserved happiness. The sight of them always managed to tear you bit by bit with every fallen droplet, and now it hardly mattered. While you do still very much believe that he indeed deserved happiness, you have reached your limit. You have devastatingly accepted that you could not restore that happiness in Lo’ak.

“Few weeks. A month maybe.” You answered faintly. You use the best of your abilities to keep a firm composure. It would be miserable to cry, especially right then and there. Lo’ak stumbled through his repetition of your answer, dubiety twisting your features, mind and heart. You cannot seem to comprehend the sudden shift of his act. The authentic perplex and strain to recall what went wrong as if he never saw this coming from you.

“Whatever I did, I’m sorry, Y/N—” His long arms extended, touch reaching to collide with you, yet he reluctantly retracted back as if he had been scorched by some blazing flame of a barrier around you. He repeated his apology, scrambling to try and find whatever pieces he has broken and bring them back together while trying with all his strength to not lose his damn mind. “Lemme fix this — y-you have to let me fix this, okay?”

His voice is desperate, pleading, and it was as if he is speaking without wanting to hear reason. Lo’ak may not be known for his smartness, but he was clever with certain things. To you, Lo’ak was everything. But even so, that usual thick headed mind of his was unable to get himself out of this one.

“Y/N, we can — it’s fixable.” His head was repeatedly bobbing up and down, and it told you that perhaps you have brought him out of his drunken state. Brought him back to Pandora, at least for a split moment, you thought.

“I think it is too late now, ma Lo’ak.” His eyes shuttered and he let out a quivered exhale.

“Baby, don’t say that, please—” He reached for you again, this time pushing through the fear and on with it. He could not help the slightness of grimace upon him when his hands cut into your self-obtained space, and it was then that he realized why that burn had been a great protection for you.

Anxious, panic-stricken he was, digits winding around the bareness of your hips and wastes no second in tugging you upon his lap. “Please…just give me one more chance a-and let me fix this, yeah? Baby?”

The expanse of his palms quivered when they lifted to your cheeks, your own gripping the taut muscles of his shoulder blades to maintain your balance, to keep yourself steady from the plead within his green-speckled hues. The air surrounding Lo’ak reeked of that forsaken alcohol, entangled through his braids, the essence of his blue flesh, his accessories.

You take him in; the faint violet flushed beneath the sockets of his eyes, the drain that highly beseeched at you with every syllable tumbling from his cloying lips. “I’m….fuck.” His breathing was escalating; more turbulent, almost hysterical as he tried retaining every part of you inside of himself.

Without your willingness, you are gently moved, yet still, your form remained unyielding.

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, and you know that.” His softly hushed words are right. You knew he meant them. While Lo’ak’s emotional avoidance over the last few years had been quite a lot, it did not make him exceedingly insensitive. He was full of many pretty words, but never once did he utter abundant words into existence without purpose. But what you only wished for was that he’d been able to say them sooner. Could have been swarmed with the realization and recognition of you before you had made it to the edge of the cliff above the depths. All that was left for you to do in order to escape was to take the act in plummeting. To end things with Lo’ak, to start anew with your own life.

It is unattainable, you arere more than convinced that this is the end of the path for the both of you. Even with that said forged in your mind, you nodded still. Purposeless it was to see him in this state of franticity and fear of the prospect of losing you burdening your heart. You may feel repentant later on, but you are to leave once this is finished, once this is over with and you would never return to the Omaticaya. Lo’ak was to be an experience of your past. He would hate you then, hate you for an eternity for what you were to do, but you knew he would be okay. What he needed was his family. To fix those cracks, to patch those injuries. To improve himself, Lo’ak must and will find a way to find his true self beneath all those layers of resentment and suffering.

That was all that ceased to matter.

“I can fix this? You’ll let me?” You nodded once more, but he did the opposite in an act of disapproval. “Nah, I need to hear it. Let me hear you.” His voice was glazed with true, raw pain, something you haven’t heard from him in such a long time. “Please, Y/N…”

“You can fix this, ma Lo’ak.”

“Y-you promise me that?” He questioned, and for a moment you faltered. It’d be much more deceiving for him to know you were lying. So you do not, and instead you let the tips of your four fingers stray to the nape of his neck and pull him into a kiss. And in this moment, you knew that you had never loved with such depth, such fervor with every fiber in your being.

You were aware that once you vanished from here, the fractures etched in your heart would scorch, ablaze to the point where you would feel every flicker and pain. With that being said, you poured it all into this one kiss, one that seized every ounce of respiration from his lungs. Vehementing it was. Vehementing you are, of course. His mind is nebulous; hazy, too fucked over — but you are here. In amidst the turmoil of an inner war, you. He loves you profoundly, and he knows you well. Well enough to know what the next day would bring. He knew why you were contributing to this, why you were granting him the belief that his pathetic attempt of resolution would be enough.

You love Lo’ak as well.

The thought of facing a day without your presence gracing his life churns his chest with a crushing sense of loss, the palpitating organ within bending and compressing as if some being had reached and tried bending it to their own taunting will. He must give you everything, he has to give you everything, risk it all, and perhaps it would be sufficient. This time it is Lo’ak who retreated from you, dark lashes fluttering against the warmth of your cheek while his eyes perused over your face just one more time.

“You know that no matter where you go, you’ll always be mine.” His words are not a question, more so a statement of persistence and certainty the both of you felt and knew deep within your bones.

“You do understand, yeah?” You could hardly form a verbal response, though you do not give him the opportunity to bask in his little glory, and instead your hands, the ones currently on his shoulders, slide to the beaded necklaces encasing his toned neck, fingers tangling through them. “If you are going to do something, get on with it.”

Lo’ak cannot help the soft smirk hoisting his cheek at your clipped tone and grumbles, “Impatient much?” Candidly speaking, this was perhaps the closest he was to being himself. That brilliant smile you haven’t seen in so long resisting the urge to be the prime focus of attention. A pity, really, for you.

“You still trust me?” He notices your indecisiveness. He does not give you time to respond for he soon adds on, “Like this?” and that almost immediately changes the answer. The adapted pads of his fingers graze down the dip of your neck and to the elegant line of your collarbone, peering down your figure. “Do you trust me enough to have you like this?”

Your chin slightly dips bashfully as you nod. His brows draw together and hisses in a breath. “I wanna hear you say it then. Make this easier for the both of us.” Your delicate beaded chest piece subtly heaves from the ascent your chest makes, and he could not help but laugh, eyes crescent-shaping with the sound, at your irritated voice.

“I trust you, Lo’ak.”

“Good.” he mutters softly beneath his breath while letting his hands fall and secure themselves to your hips.

Yes, good, you repeat the single word in your own mind.

“You’d give yourself to me right here, right now?” He question, and you stutter at this. It was not the upmost ideal thing, for this spot practically belonged to you and Lo’ak was perhaps the most reserved place within the Forest since you were children. But it was the Forest, and you never knew who from the People could be wandering around. The thought of someone stumbling upon you and the Olo’eyktan’s son out in the open petrified you.

Though it seemed your pussy thought otherwise and did not mind one bit of this idea.

“S-srane ( yes ).” Firm is your word, and it pleases Lo’ak. Muscle memory it became when his palms create a path upwards from your hips. Palms that hold such tenderness as they splay up your stomach, blunt nails beginning to faintly engrave themselves into the azure flesh of your waist, soon following your midsection to endearingly trace over the pretty stripes decorated there.

The strokes he causes make you squirm in his lap, body curling slightly to the side and your nose twitches cutely. “Lo’ak, enough—” your plea goes ignored once more by him.

“Do y’know how pretty you are?” Lo’ak’s words cause your heart to skip a rather large beat. Curse his idiotic mouth, curse him. Curse his abilities to have you melt with a single breath of his lungs.

“Our People always speak about the Great Mother’s beauties. Saying how she spent a great deal on Pandora,” You didn’t hesitate to listen, even despite the light acts created from his touch that have your abdomen twitching.

“But gosh, I think you’ve bested her.” He exhales almost breathlessly, as if the weight of his words are too grand and exquisite from being spoken to existence, to you. You see nothing but sincerity in his face, blinking rapidly when he taps your hip and utters, “Take it off now.”

His demand left no inch of a room for a disagreement, so without further hesitation, you hitch yourself a bit up while wobbly fingers perch down and into the weaves of your tewng, slipping the garment off. You more than know that when he meant to take it off, he meant to discard everything — such as your little chest piece. But almost as if it were a challenge, you do not. This draws a chuckle out of Lo’ak and you roll your eyes despite settling back down on his thigh.

His mouth moving hot against yours, and for a second your entire world stills, the remaining fragments of your heart plummeted, the wild fluttering as the single thing inside of you capable of sustaining life. Your ache, your beautiful, throbbing, lifelong ache dwindles for a moment as Lo’ak’s mouth meshes with yours. He kisses you fiercely, fingers brushing the lower swell of your breast, breathing existence back into your being, and it is then that you moaned lowly for him.

When he rips his mouth away from your own, it is when his fingers found their way down the dips of your stomach, outlining the lower section, soon curling around the upper muscle of your thighs to part them just a bit more, dragging two deftly fingers through the growing mess between.

“Even when that pretty head of yours wanna hate me, this body can’t resist me, hm?” He retracts his hand as he speaks, long enough to glide those two fingers between his lips, humming contently around them before pulling them out. They were profusely coated with his spit, making it such an effortless task to increase the mess worse. Its pads nudge back and forth between your slit, occasionally granting nurturing circles to your nub. Your mind is becoming warped within the lust, back to clutching onto his shoulders for steadiness.

Your nails puncture the muscles there with the longing to grind against something, anything. “You’re so damn wet, mamas.” The foreign nickname has force in tearing out a sharp gasp from your throat, and he huffs out a chuckle while absorbing all the moist sensation.

“ ‘m gonna have you all fucked up on my fingers, then some more with my dick, how does that sound?” The sensation of his dark plaits graze your cheek, lips adding on when they brush your flickering ear. “You want that, Y/N/N/?”

You could not do anything more than whine, allowing your hips to wind forward in hence to catch every languid swipe of his slim fingers against you. Your body quaking, head pummeling as you paddle near the pleasure.

Pleasure which you more than know was not healthy. It is as if adding a single aid to a severe wound. The following day, you will detest yourself to the core for giving into this thrilling temptation; the thrusts he gives your tightened cunt, the kisses shared between your swollen mouths, the caresses given to your skin, all of this would create much more difficulty for you to move on.

Lo’ak’s fingers waste no time in swatting against your swollen clit, pads of each digit rubbing gingerly over. Sensitive it is, every swipe causing your entire body to stutter.

You could feel more arousal oozing out of your cunt, adhering to Lo’ak’s constricting thigh. His flesh will be tainted with your slick, his dangling braids and pretty coils will be ruined with every slight tug given by the time you were done. Though he cannot not bring himself to care about it, he cannot let you go at this moment, he cannot not ever bring himself to do it.

The momentum of his overworked digits is lethal, you will be culminating in a matter or seconds. The hand currently entangled within Lo’ak’s hair suddenly disappear to slide down the base of his thick queue, fingers delicately curling around the sensitivity while you begin to subtly gyrate your hips forward, the stimulation becoming much more direct and effective.

Though the act made from your dainty touch causes his jaw to go slack, pupils engulfing the golden pools of his eyes as a soft hiss whispered from his mouth.

"Look at you go, baby…" Tongue peeks out just to glide over his honed incisors before teasingly reaching forward to lightly bite your pouting lower lip, gaze never tearing from yours, and you see it : everything is what you are to him.

The brimming of your orgasm deepen inside the center of your lower belly, spiraling bit by bit. “Hey, no, look at me, mamas.” His tone is low but beseeching, words practically breathing into you, directing you to obey his plea despite the violent desire to let your head slant back if it weren’t for another one of his pleas catching you, voice caressing the tethers of your soul.

“Please look at me, sevin. Lemme see you when you fall apart for me, yeah?” And it is then that you were reminded of your thoughts from earlier.

How fucking perilous Lo’ak’s mouth could be.

“Ma L-Lo’ak—” His name is uttered in a whine, clutch becoming firmer around the single braid of his as you compel yourself to remain in eye contact with the Sully son. He squirms yet does not reprove you and continues his work between your legs despite the building-up ache bulging between his own, three fingers dipping lower to gather more slick before adding it to his pattern against your throbbing clit.

“I-I’m close,” you huff out, and Lo’ak nods deliberately, the subtle movement of his pleading face mesmerizing you. “C’mon, lemme see it happen. Lemme see what I do to you, how good I make you feel, hm?”

"Hmm— L-Lo’ak, I am near, y-you are going to make me cum…" Perhaps you are nearly driven to tears when Lo’ak crane his neck forward again, though this time his lips peck over the pink contours of your scrunched nose first. Sweet, loving kisses falling over each star-like speck across your cheeks, beginning to create a path all over your face.

“You are doing so, so good for me. Always so fucking sweet to me." His breathy muttering ought you to look away abashed, flustered.

"You love the boy you knew, don't you?"

"You are not a boy anymore — y-you are grown, you are to be Olo’eyktan o-one day." You remind him curtly, words tumbling from your lips as you try focusing more towards your pleasure.

"Nah, no." His head shakes, the two braids aligned to each of his cheeks swaying from the motion. "Grown — Grown Lo’ak is very different from boy Lo’ak, isn't he?"

Your heart cannot help but falter at this, a muskiness kissing your waterline, blinding your senses as you stare at him solemnly. "I love every version of you, ma Lo’ak. I just love you."

Agitation suddenly crumbles his pretty features, and brokenly whispers, “Then why are you choosing to leave me?"

You truly do want to answer him despite the way your heart nearly plummets to your stomach, yet it is difficult to. His lips sweetly find their place over your face again, prickling your flesh as if pointed needles.

“L-Lo’ak." He merely hums at the low warning, nuzzling against your flushed cheekbone. "It’s okay, just go ahead mamas. I know."

"Cum for me, you've been so good, sevin. My pretty girl." Your chest heaves overwhelmingly, the tips of your ears flirting with each of the pretty, earnest words he reiterates, swelling the urge for you to sob. "Perfect and pretty. The only girl, my only babygirl."

And perhaps you will sob.

"All you have always done is take care of me, huh? But who takes care of you?" His working hand drags up, and the sudden act caused you to jolt. Lo’ak’s free arm and hand, however, waste no second in coiling around your midsection in order to keep you from moving away.

"Just wanna make it up to you, tìyawn. Just tell me that's what you want from me." He beseeches, nose nuzzling into the line of your trembling jaw.

“Y-yes, that is what I want, ma Lo’ak. Please, please, please. T-Take care of me — make me cum— make it up t-to me, Lo’ak, please." A moan rumbles in the center of your throat for Lo’ak feels it when his lips twist upwards into a wide grin. “Then do it — c’mon, cum for me, baby. Let it out…”

He did not need to instruct it twice for you come in an instant. It washes over with a moan, long and broken, your head seizing forward and into the crevice of said neck and broad shoulder. Damped lips are immediate to latch onto the future Olo’eyktan’s neck, biting, suckling, and softly licking the striped flesh, body quivering as you are thrown over the edge.

Your walls twitch around a vacant place, and Lo’ak kneads your abused nub through the aftershocks as the pearlescent proof of your release pools out of your cunt. "Fuuck, my pretty girl, doing so damn good for me." He croons sweetly, the long length of his lashing tail somehow finding its way to tenderly coil around the thigh clenched by his side.

You faintly feel the swift movements of his hands reaching down to fiddle with his own tewng, yet the dread is too heavy for you to react.

It is only then when you realize that Lo’ak was not stopping his tempting assault that you found the strength to peer hazily down at where your pussy and Lo’ak’s fingers met. He is still playing with you, flexing digits coating themselves in your sweet essence before ramming them right into your much sensitive hole.

He is immediate in starting at a brutal pace, so engrossed in searching for the spot that will have you squirting all over him.

"L-Lo’ak, Lo’ak, no w-wait, please— " Yet he has decided to not listen to your cries. Not even looking at your face, no, his gaze was enthralled with the way his fingers are digging you out, the way you swallow them whole, nearly becoming one with them.

"No, you must take it. You can take it.” He forewarns but your head is shaking in denial, a sob flying out your mouth. “K-Kehe ( no ). I-I can’t, m-ma Lo’ak—”

“But you can, baby. I know you can.” His brows furrow softly together, brushing against your browline as his forehead kisses yours. “And you know how I know that? Hmm?”

Stammers are the only that manage to form. “Because I know you, Y/N. I am the only one who knows you better.” He feeds you the answer he had been seeking for and your chin juts up and down. “Or am I not, mamas?”

“Y-yes, L-Lo’ak, it is you — just you.” A chuckle proudly spews from him. “And who knows this pretty pussy better than me?” Hips jerk forward, whining with a gasp at the harsh deepness of his digits. Your grip on his queue releases, palms scattering out and planting on each side of Lo’ak’s angular face as you keep his attention locked towards you.

“N-no one, ma Lo’ak. N-no one—”

Lo’ak nods firmly, “That’s what I thought, baby. Now, let me treat her the way she deserves to be treated, okay?” His mouth brushes over your lush one, yet didn’t necessarily grant you the yearn of a kiss. Not as he notices the subtle flash of upset striking your face.

“Just one more chance for tonight.” He adds after a pause. “You’ll let me have her for tonight, won’t you, Y/N?”

You whine shamelessly, “Y-yes, o-oh … P-please, Lo’ak—”

“That’s the Y/N I know,” His praise goes by tenderly while the act between your legs is entirely distinct, much more carving, exhilaratingly burning you. “My Y/N, my girl.”

Your pussy is well acquainted with the feel of Lo’ak’s touch, a rather hefty debate between said cock and fingers. Every single adapted ridge, divot, arch. Always, always taking him so well, so eagerly, prettily desperate for Lo’ak.

"You're so wet." He grunts, pupils dilating in awe from the brief yet sufficient enough glance given to the drenching mess. "Need you to tell me how it feels."

“So good, Lo-Lo’ak. You make me feel so, so good." Lo’ak likes you like this, all in a drunken daze, vocals all garbled up.

"You gonna cum, mamas?" You cannot even answer, not as your body actively chases every thrust. "I can feel you squeezing my fingers so good. Jeesh, you're so damn perfect." He rasps lovingly, "Love having you like this…you’re everything to me, you know that?”

The words are meant more to himself, yet you hear him all the same. “L-Lo’ak." you mutter though the tut his tongue makes keep you from proceeding, head shaking. “Shh, don’t say anything. I jus’ want you to cum for me, got it? Flood my shit.”

You feel every curl, every nudge his fingers gives the most sensitive spot within, your insides coiling, rattling all at once to the point where you nearly lose all feel of your lower body, all sense of the way your tail swivels, the way your limbs quiver. “Make a mess all over your Olo’eyktan, hm?”

The hand grasping your hip rises to press against the rising arch of your back, encouraging the pretty dip to take shape while your inner thighs clench around Lo’ak’s palm.

But the continuous push to your back flush you forward, thighs yanking open with the lankiness of his lower abdomen shoving between. The act causes his fingers to retreat from your weeping hole and knead them sloppily upward. The intensity of your subsequent climax comes in high waves when he slumps them back inside, pumping once, twice, three times all in one before he is pulling back to stimulate your pulsating clit.

White spasms of what can be compared to blazing stars overcome your vision, a shriek rippling from your hoarse throat while you drizzle your release all over Lo’ak, the hands once cradling his face dragging down to the length of his neck and jabbing your thumbs into the hollow of his constricting throat. Tears cascade down your glowing, flushed cheeks, a never ending streak assisted by the river flowing from your cunt — an enthralling combination that has Lo’ak feeling ecstatic.

"Mhm, that's it, baby. Just ride that shit out for me…that’s it, there you go." His encouragement has your body feeling dazed and spent as you lean forward to flush yourself against Lo’ak’s dampened chest, ear flickering at the rumbled sound he creates.

"You did so good for me." Lo’ak mutters into your other ear, mouth grazing the point of it. "So, so good." The length of his palm move to cradle the curve of your head as he feel the racketing your body creates, watching the sways your lovely tail creates before it nestles right beside his thigh.

"Your pussy's so perfect, made to take me, made to listen to me, isn’t that right?” You cannot help but to not answer from the embarrassment clutching at you, and instead nuzzle the tip of your nose over a glowing speck on his cobalt striped chest.

"Nga yawne lu oer ( I love you )." This is sincerely declared with a brush of a kiss to your head. "I do, I really, really do." He insists, and he cannot evict the sniffles following that scrunches his nose afterwards. "I am sorry, very sorry for the way I’ve acted."

You are too exhausted to create some sort of movement, but one thing that is for certain is that Lo’ak prefers it this way. It makes the act of speaking, of apologizing much easier for him.

"Damn, I really have been so selfish, haven’t i?” A deep furrow finds its way to your forehead at his self chastising, at the way he is combined, conflicted between uttering this to you or to himself. “You will still leave. You won’t be here anymore. This is really happening, isn’t it?”

Another stiff sound leaves Lo’ak, so meek, so lost before sweetly adding, “I promise I did try. For you, I really tried. F-for them — for my family. To be what they need— what you needed.” A sob strangles in his throat, mind nearly beginning to descend into that fogging darkness. “A-and I know it’s not an excuse, I know it’s been years but after we left, a-after Neteyam—”

Yet the gentle, secure entanglement of your arms pulls Lo’ak from that mindset, and he finds solace within this embrace, keeping him close, letting him feel and know that you are there.

“Q-quiet. Enough — do not do this to yourself.” You stammer out softly, a light kiss meeting his collarbone. “We still have one more chance, ma Lo’ak. One more chance within this night. One more chance to pretend that this is not our future, to pretend that everything is fine, yes? Do not waste it by recounting your regrets, okay?”

Lo’ak’s mind gear this over, and in there, and in his heart, he more than knows that he is never going to be able to bring himself to love with such force as the way he loves you. Yet still, even now he cannot express it in a good, healthy, proper way that you truly deserve. He will find a way to prove it, however. To show, to act, to live by it as if it was the very sole purpose of his life. Lo’ak will find the pieces of himself beneath all this tethered and tainted pain, and bring them together within himself in order to bring himself back to life.

Lo’ak would do it for you. For his family.

So you can learn to love him again.

But he will do it for himself as well inorder for him to learn to love himself again.

"Wipe your tears for right now, okay? I am still here. I am right here in front of you." Lo’ak’s firm arms surround your frame into a hold that is soothing, familiar, full of strength. It blossoms molten warmth within your chest, erupting an arsenal of emotions.

"Whatever you — whatever you wish to give I will take." you end meekly and Lo’ak is certain he has fallen for you all over again. Yes, his climb back to victory will be well worth it. For you to look at him one day, and to once again see him as the boy you loved, the man you will love, the man you admired so profoundly. It makes Lo’ak’s entire heart begin to tremble, along with the curves of his lips.

"Alright then, sevin. Just take a breather and rest for a while, yeah? Our night's just getting started."

︵ ✮⋆˙

[wayfayrr]

for some reason i've had another idea for a request LODGED in my damn brain ever since i wore my platforms the other week: [they are comfy to me, and the heel isn't very high, just the platform adds like- 4inches lol] someone who has tall ass shoes, and nobody notices until they take em off or something and suddenly they're shorter it sounds bad, cause why would someone be wearing platforms, but i swear i can run in em. [took some trial and error though....] also its just really goofy.

No because I'm just as stubborn with platforms the thing that gets you is stairs. I'm not entirely sure if I've mentioned it on here, but I'm a firm believer that Hylians are short. Time is seen as tall because as far as Hylians go? He is Twilight is seen as monsterously tall. Which mixes into your other ask as well - seeing as Time is fairly average height when compared to humans with Twi being tall even to humans (he grew up with humans so he adapted just a lil he's got a much higher milk tolerance sfvgf) but only Twi really knows this seeing as he grew up in ordon with humans and honestly? Means he has a reason to reach out to the reader in the first place, explaining most of the differences he noticed growing up between him and the rest of the villagers It's not the most but really at that point it's helpful to know anything. and it gets him closer to you which is what he really cares about honestly I write the chain as yandere's most of the time really, but this scenario where he's reader's best hope and they naturally get closer to him? I could see it happening really it's because he can't have a repeat of midna someone from another world stealing his heart and leaving him forever ha nope

As for platforms? that'll be fun to explain to them >:) this turned out a little bit more Twi centric than I meant for it to be but it was so fun to write and flowed so naturally !! <33 [masterlist]

“[Name]? We’re about to have breakfast, you’ll probably want to come get some before we leave the inn. Time’s saying that we’re going to be walking a lot today”

“Hm? Yeah I’m coming wild.”

His eyes looked as if they were about to fall out of his head when I opened the door. Is there something off about my appearance? I’ve just woken up I guess so maybe I just look a bit dishevelled, but after travelling with them this long? Would that really be enough to set them off like this?

“You’re shorter! Are you alright? Twi said humans are way different compared to Hylians but I didn’t assume he meant you shrink sometimes! Come on we need to go show them to know if you’re gonna be okay.”

“Wait no wild I-”

There isn’t even time for me to argue my own point with how fast they’re pulling me over to the others, his strength is impressive even for hylians I’ve been told and that isn’t something I’ll argue with. But what is he on about me ‘shrinking’? I haven’t changed height at all… He’s never seen me without my platforms. That’d do it.

“TWILIGHT! [NAME] SHRANK. IS THAT SOMETHING HUMANS CAN DO? ARE THEY GOING TO BE ALRIGHT?”

“Wild really I’m going to be fine. If you’ll just let me explai-”

“YOU CAN SHRINK? Why didn’t you tell us [name]?”

Now winds come over - great. I’ll have to count on Twi’s glare being enough to give me time to speak. 

“Wild what are you on about humans can’t - oh. You did shrink. How did that happen?”

Bingo. Now I can hopefully clear this mess up somewhat.

“I didn’t shrink. I’m just not wearing my platforms. They add to my height when I wear them, I didn’t realise this was the first time Wild’s seen me without them. Their worry was pretty cute though.”

“So you didn’t shrink..? Can I try them on?”

“Nah wind, not only are they my only pair of shoes but I think you’d break your neck if you tried to walk in them.”

He really does look kind of like a cat when he pouts, you’d assume he’s just had a lemon slice shoved in his mouth rather than being told no for his own safety. It’s nice to see that despite having to become a hero at such a young age he still acts his age.

“Then how do you wear them? You’ve been walking them for so long without issue?”

“They’re your only shoes?”

“Yeah they are Twi, there’s no issue either wild. They’re comfortable to wear and I’m used to them anyway”

Twi looks as if he’s gearing up for a lecture if the look on his face is anything to go by, the very same one that’s a warning for wild when he’s done something questionable. A short sigh, a shake of his head and it quickly softens up into some sort of lovestruck expression.

“Darlin’ It isn’t that that I’m worried ‘bout. It’s not a good idea to only be travelling with a single pair, what if they get damaged or lost? I’ve got a spare set that should fit you, you can have them.”

“You don’t have to go that for me twi, I’m sure theres somewhere here I could just buy a pair.”

“It really ain’t an issue. It’ll save you breaking in a new pair so it’s for the best really.”

There’s more to what he’s saying I can feel it, but I can’t bring it up around the others like this so answers will have to wait. 

“You don’t wanna eat while you’re, only wearing a pair of socks you? Let’s go and get them for you quickly.”

His hand is so much softer than Wild’s and his touch is more tender and is that? Oh, he’s blushing, there really is something more to this isn’t there; does he like me or something? The walk to his room in the inn isn’t long, shorter than the one to my own. 

“Give me a second darlin’ and I’ll get you them.”

 “Of course, I’m not gonna get mad at you for taking too long to get me a gift. Seriously though, thanks for this link.”

If I thought he was red before he’s downright glowing now, his face from the tips of his ears to the lowest part of his neck that I can see have gone crimson red. Matching how his rummaging through his bag has gotten ever so more frantic, his patience for finding the said boots for me gone like ashes in the wind. Then before I know it a pair of leather boots are being thrust into my arms by someone who can only really be described as a blushy mess at the moment. It’s cute. He’s cute.

“They’re wonderful thank you again Twi, really.”

“You can ah - You can call me link when we’re alone together like this darlin’.”

“If you want me to then link. I’ll just put these on then we can go join the others, hopefully, they’ve saved us some food.”

These are so soft, are they lined with something? They have to be right? It feels like some kind of fur, they should be nice to walk in so I can save my platforms some wear. It makes a lot of sense to try to keep my belongings from home safe, just to have some memories to look back on. 

“Hey link, mind me asking what they’re lined with?”

“Wolf fur darlin’”

“Is it your fur?”

How is it possible he’s gotten even more red? Answers my question though. Why would he give me something lined with his own fur?

“I - That doesn’t bother you does it?”

[bambinotattoo]

Erica’s Diaper Plan

Chapter 16

Erica’s first day of high school…and diapered like it’s her first day in pre school

Karen didn’t get much sleep that night, all she could do is think about her poor little daughter getting found out and viciously made fun of because she’s wearing and wetting diapers. As much as Karen tried to tell herself “ this is what she wanted” it’s still difficult rationalize that 15-year-old daughter will be wearing diaper diapers and getting changed at the school nurse on her first day of high school. This stress care out so bad.

Karen stared at the alarm clock as the minutes rolled closer to getting up, she clicked the alarm off a minute before it was set to go off… and headed to her daughter’s room to start getting her ready for her big day…

“ knock, knock, crinkle butt… are you awake?”

“ no”

“ yeah OK, lol… are you ready for today little girl?”

As Julie was wiping the crusty from her eyes, she replied with…

“ I had a dream that everybody saw me get my diaper changed at school”

“Aww, that’s not a very nice dream at all, speaking of a witch, let’s get on your changing table so we can get you diapered for the day…”

Erica slowly rolled over and meandered to the changing table, slowly climbed up, and let her mom start getting her cleaned.

“ what diapers are you putting me in today? It’s the thinner daytime ones right?”

“ well, honey, I kind of figured I would diaper you as sickly as possible today just so you were super uncomfortable, waddling, and blushing all day!”

“ no mom, seriously…”

“ yes grumpy, I’m gonna put you in an ABU, with an overnight booster… and then we’ll go look at some clothes and figure out what makes you the most comfortable”

“ do I have to have a booster in?”

“ well, Erica, you’ve been wetting pretty heavy… and I’m more than sure you’d rather not leak at school, right?”

“ yeah you’re right, I just didn’t want to waddle too bad, especially when I get wet…”

“ well hopefully by the time you’re wet, you can go see Miss Jasmine and she can get you changed, that’s the plan, right?”

Erica just noted her head, closed her eyes and let her mom continue wiping her princess parts, applying new diaper rash ointment, and her daytime diaper with thick booster pad. Erica was still pretty small for her age, and an ABU with a booster was still pretty thick. That definitely gave Karen a bit of pause, but if Erica is OK with it, we’re gonna go with it…

“ OK sweet girl we’re all done, come over to the closet and let’s figure out how we’re gonna dress you”

Erica got off the changing table gave a few big stretches, and commented about how she’s already waddling, and she’s not even wet. Erica joined her mother at the closet, and her mother gave some choices and options…

“ OK sweet girl so I’ve been thinking about this for a few days, I think you should wear a onesie at least off the bat… that way, your diaper will be more compacted and less noticeable I’m hoping. Secondarily, it will help keep the diaper up so if you get really wet, it won’t sag too bad. Is that a doable compromise?”

“ a onesie? Really?”

“ oh Erica, don’t be a brat… no one’s gonna know except for Jasmine.”

Karen took down a lilac purple onesie with no patterns, and put the head hole over Erica’s head. Continued and got her onesie snapped in place.

“ OK so I figure knee length or longer ski skirts would be a good option? What say you?”

“ I think that works, what about a pair of short alls? I have that pink denim pair.!”

“ oh honey, are you sure? That’s pretty tight, if you’re trying to be inconspicuous, I don’t think that’s the way to go…”

“ well I’ve been thinking to mom and I figure, the best way to desensitize me is to throw me in the fire…”

“ oh honey, you don’t mean that do you? I mean, if you walk in a silent classroom, you’re going to be noticeably crinkling and waddling… are you ready for everybody to know you wear and use diapers?”

“ I think you’re over exaggerating mom, it’s the first day… and besides, I thought I was the one that has to be comfortable?”

“ yeah honey, but… OK, let’s put them on and see what happens…”

Erica stood still as her mother helped her put the short dolls on and clipped the snaps into place. Karen stood back and all she could think of was my 15-year-old looks like a diaper toddler. Erica on the other hand, admiring herself in the mirror thought she was just cute as a button.

“ Erica, honey… walk around a few steps”

Erica raised her eyebrows did with her mother told her… in the silent bedroom the unstable wrestling crinkle of a disposable diaper was audibly unavoidable…

“ you’re OK with that Erica?” Like seriously? I’m not trying to be mean I’m trying to be supportive, but do you understand you’re going to high school, dressed like a toddler with a pretty much noticeable diaper? I thought you were nervous and scared and trying to hide that at school? Did I miss something??”

“ calm down, mom… like I said, I’m trying to desensitize myself. I understand this is my reality. This is what I wanted, people are gonna find out or they’re not I don’t think anyone’s gonna pay that close of attention…”

“ famous last words… OK Erica you win… I say we go ahead and put your matching thigh high socks on with your purple pumps? Maybe some purple bows in your hair?”

Erica immediately perked up, “YEEESS” as her eyes open widely!!

All Karen could do was shake her head for a smile and try to be supportive… if she wasn’t super nervous before she’s absolutely freaking out now…

“ OK sweet girl let’s get your bows in”

Erica absolutely looked like she was going to kindergarten not ninth grade, and the noticeable waddle and crinkle isn’t helping anyone… her mother just stared at her as she walked around, getting her stuff ready tears almost flowing thinking of how poorly this could go…

“ mom smile… it’s gonna be OK I promise”

“ if you say so, Erica…”

Erica has had a phobia of the school bus since she was a little girl, so her mother has driven her and picked her up most days since she was in elementary school. Which also meant Sara Beth would ride with them. As Erica was finishing her cereal and collecting her thoughts, side kitchen door swung open to see Sara Beth and her fresh clean new school duds smiling ready for the new adventure!!!

“ hey Second family, what’s up? Oh wow Erica, you um, look…little?”

“ see I told you, Erica…(little)”

“ Don’t you think this is cute SB?”

“ if you were modeling for baby gap, yeah”

Karen let out thunderous laugh, and decided to let Sara Beth tell her how it is…

“ is it really that bad?”

“ it’s not that it’s bad Erica, you just look like you’re wearing a diaper and that you’re 6…”

“ well I think it’s cute, and everybody is so afraid of how I’m gonna handle this… why not start desensitizing myself and everybody else off the bat… I’m diapered, I’m not potty trained, I wet and mess myself… I go to the school nurse to get a diaper change, and I suck a pacifier to go to sleep… is what it is”

“ I mean, that’s one way to think about it Erica… so when people ask me, what would you like me to tell them? Because we’re in the same classes and people know we’re best friends and people are gonna be curious… so you tell me?”

Erica looked back at her mom, and then at Sara Beth

“ don’t look at me. I’ve already had this argument this morning.”

“ Erica, what would you prefer the story be?”

“ I don’t think people are gonna be that curious…”

“ you don’t think?”

“ well shit OK, how about this? I had a really bad urinary track infection, lasted several months, and did permanent damage to my bladder and my ability to go to the bathroom. Because of this, I’m diapered full-time… and will be for the unforeseen in future. In an effort, to stave off the depression I’ve been dressing a little bit younger to help me cope with this fact”

Sara Beth and Karen just sat there staring at Erica… knowing she’s been planning this for who knows how long.

“ that was a pretty complete answer Erica” Karen said from the peanut gallery

“ you’ve been worried, and I’ve been thinking… plus, after Wednesday it will be in my medical chart that I’m urinary incontinent. So what’s the big deal?”

It seemed Erica had it all figured out, even through her Mom and best friend BOTH thought she was losing it. She just told her best friend to tell people, yes, Erica is wearing a diaper. This made Sara Beth a little uncomfortable, but never the less…this is what she wanted.

“ OK kids let’s pile in the car and get you guys to high school…”

The three exited the house and went toward the car. Instinctively Sara Beth went toward the backseat when Erica stopped her and said you can sit up front. I’ll be in my car seat!

“ wait, you’ll be in your what?!? You have a car seat, and you’re gonna sit in it on the way to high school?!?”

“ well yeah, who cares?”

Sara Beth once again and gave her a friend a very long look, she was starting to worry about her diapered friend. All of this was a lot all at once…

Sara Beth lovingly decided to ignore all of the weird and helped her friend into her car seat and got her buckled in

“ there you go little girl, do you want your pacifier?”

Erica just smiled and nodded quickly, and her friend offered her pacifier to which she accepted… Sara Beth got in the front seat put her seat seatbelt on and just gave a look to Karen. Karen was giving the same look to Sara Beth.

“ today is gonna be something… or everything”

Karen nodded and started the quick drive towards school…

They arrived in what seemed like no time, and Erica took her pacifier out as soon as she knew people could maybe see her. This action made Karen feel a little bit better that her daughter actually did have a little bit of tact.

However, she was still sitting in a car seat buckled in… they arrived at the drop off, and Sara Beth jumped out quick open the back door and started getting Erica unbuckled out of her car seat…

“ getting dropped off at the same time, was a few of their friends they haven’t seen in a few months… who just like little girls do, ran towards Sara Beth and Erica to catch up and get hugs…

“ Sara Beth…Erica…OMG I missed you guys!!” Jewel and Mellissa ran toward the two

Sara Beth froze, the two arrived while Erica was still buckled into her car seat, and her diaper poking through with all the obviousness…

“Um, hey…why is Erica dressed like my little sister, and why is she sitting in a car seat? What the fuck?!?? lol”

Sara Beth froze, Erica turned beat red and tears started to well up…at about the same time, she fully emptied her bladder and SOAKED her diaper.

“Erica, what’s up?”

“Um…uhhh…”

“Listen, she had some medical problems this summer. Really bad UTI, did some permanent damage.” SB spouted with as much confidence as she could.

“Ohhh, well damn…that’s a bummer. Better than last time. What kind of damage?”

At this point Karen helped get Erica unbuttoned, and out of the car. Her now FULL diaper made her already noticeable waddle, really noticeable. Erica took a few steps towards the three when…

“Oh shoot, are you wearing a diaper Erica?! Bahahaha. You wet you pants?!?”

Karen stood aside, her worst fears blazing in front of her. These wee supposed to be her friends, and they’re making fun of her and it’s only 8:15am.

Erica who was beeming with confidence earlier, now stands in front of night school, ugly crying, and flooding her diaper. Karen then noticed, that Erica wet herself so bad that she leaked all over herself. By the time Erica realized she not only wet herself, but the entire front of her shortalls had a growing wet spot, and was dripping onto her new shoes. Erica crying harder now, ran to her mom, buried her head in her chest and just uncontrollably cried. Her so called friends finally stopped laughing at her, and started walking towards the entrance.

Sara Beth, not sure what to do…walked towards her inconsolable friend and mother.

“Erica, are you okay?”

Sara Beth obviously upset and empathetic, locked eyes with Karen. Karen motioneded to SB to just go inside. Begrudgingly, she did.

“ Erica, sweetie… let’s get you back in your car seat, honey. Today’s not gonna happen.”

Erica listened to her mother still uncontrollably crying, incline back into her car seat for the long ride home…

Karen got in the driver seat picked up her phone and sent a text to Jasmine…

(Hey, so…today did not go well. Erica freaked out and flooded her diaper in front of her friends, leaked everywhere. I’m taking her home.)

[citrusrei]

In Every Lifetime.

Joel Miller x Reader MDNI 18+ Summary You fell for a man before the world went to hell. Nearly 20 years later, he’s there again in a different lifetime. Genre: a lil angst if you look at it right, Smut, fluff TLOU!Universe Word Count: 10.7k Warnings: Post-Outbreak!Joel, aggressive situations, a couple of hasslers, smut (piv ~unprotected~, fingering, hand jobs, creampies (again), slight breeding kink maybe? vocal dirty joel, mutual masturbation), age gap (14 years, joel is older duhh) lots of good Ol’ soft Joel, slightly possessive joel (again cause i love him), insecure joel :( happy ending cause my heart couldn’t take a sad one  *please imagine whichever Joel you’d like whether it’s pedro’s or videogame joel cause I pictured both at certain points.*

AN: This is truly one of my fav things I’ve ever written lol Joel is so babygirl in it i’m crine. also this can be read as a one shot if u haven’t read the first one~ (but read the first one hehe)

pt. 1 

listen to these as you read~

Life after the apocalypse was nothing anyone could have anticipated. Before the outbreak, you’d seen countless movies about zombies or the undead, or infected. But this was different. It wasn’t a virus, or a bio-weapon used to control the population. A fungus. A fungus that just so happened to mutate and create this global panic. 

The night it happened you were with a friend of yours testing out a new club downtown. Everything was great. The drinks were cheap and tasty, the music was amazing, the vibe was just immaculate. You and your friend Holly danced, drank, and sang the night away. A little before 11:00pm is when things got strange. The music changed, slower now. Holly asked if you wanted another drink to which you declined, but followed her to the bar anyways.

“Another sex on the beach please!” she urged.

“You’re addicted to those, ya know?” You laughed, shaking your head.

She laughed with you, “I am not! They’re just so delicious I can’t help myself.”

As the bartender handed Holly her drink, you sent Joel a quick text asking him how his birthday was. You’d been taking things slow since the night you and him finally hooked up. He had admitted his feelings for you and you were right there with him. The both of you decided to give each other a shot. You had wanted to see him today but he had told you he was working a double and wouldn’t be home until late so you had planned something with him later in the week.  

- 10:45pm Joel <3: Got home a couple hours ago. Sarah wanted to watch a movie and knocked out. Lil girl can’t run with the big dogs.

- 10:45pm Me: lol hopefully she got to see at least a bit of it! Holly dragged me to this club tonight and I’m kind of over it. Would rather be in bed with you rn 😉

- 10:46pm Joel <3: You got no idea how much I'd like that bout now darlin. You got me all weekend.

- 10:46pm Me: You better promise me that, Joel Miller!

- 10:46pm Joel <3: Promise.  

- 10:49pm Joel <3: Tommy just called me. He’s in the county jail. I gotta go get him... text you in a bit.

- 10:51pm Me: You’re kidding...... jesus Tommy. But ok. Text me once you get him. Talk soon <3

You slid your phone into your bra and sighed, not surprised that Tommy found himself in a predicament like that. He was so headstrong and stubborn. You wondered what had happened to him. 

“Everything okay?” Holly asked. You nodded but still you were unsure. Your eyes floated to a couple on the dance floor as your eyebrows knitted together. The woman began to twitch, her limbs snapping in different, odd directions. It continued a moment. People around her began to notice and step away, creating a circle around her. The man she was with held on to her as an attempt to keep her steady. She fell to the ground, her body still moving slightly. As this happened, the man pulled his cellphone out, most likely trying to call 911. In the blink of an eye, she rose to her feet, jumping on to the man in front of her and sinking her teeth into his neck. It physically startled you as you latched onto Holly’s arm. “We need to leave.” You said, eyes never leaving the woman, the crowd now starting to panic. People dispersed in a matter of moments. You could see someone trying to pry the woman off the man who laid what looked to be lifeless on the ground. That person suffered the same fate. She was on him in an instant.

Holly looked around and realized what was going on before pushing you towards the door. Once outside, everyone was scrambling. And not just people from the club but the man across the street, locking his bail bond business up or people fleeing from a nearby diner a few doors down. It was mania. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you looked around a moment, not exactly sure where to go or what to do.  

C’mon, ___! We gotta get to my car!” You followed Holly down the street to where she had her car parked when suddenly a horde of people ran by, being chased by what seemed to be someone covered in blood. Mucous and viscera gargled from his mouth as the sounds echoed through the street. The man dove to an older woman in front of him and began his attack. Holly screamed at the event which cause the man to turn his attention to her. He swung his arm out for her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her forward. You leapt into action, grabbing her body and pulling her back to you with such force, you could feel her back pop.

“Come on, run!” You screamed. The two of you sprinted to her car, not even minding the fact that both your heels had broken off in the process. She started the ignition and sped off, driving anywhere besides here.    

“What the fuck is happening?!” She yelled, checking her rearview mirror to make sure no one was following.

“I’m not sure. I need to call Joel.” You pulled your phone out and dialed his number, but it went straight to voicemail. “Fuck!” You called a few more people, Tommy, your mom, your sister. No one answered.  

“I gotta get home, ___. My-My son... I left him with the babysitter.” Holly cried, tears flowing now as she thought of all the possibilities of what could be happening to her child.

“Okay- It’s okay. We’ll go get him.”      

You and Holly sped to her home, not minding the speed limit as literally no one was. You both got to her house without a hitch, thankfully. However, upon arriving you noticed the door was wide open. Holly’s eyes widened.

“Stay here. I’m going to go in.” She breathed, shaking so bad she could barely unbuckle her seatbelt.

You nodded, checking your phone again and seeing you had a missed call from Tommy. You called him back immediately. It rang once, “Tommy! Hello? Can you hear me?”

“___! I can hear you but barely.” He was staticky. The call was barely hanging on. “Where are you? Are you safe?”

Tears began to prick your eyes as he spoke, his voice comforting you. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m with Holly. We’re getting her son. What is happening? Are you with Joel? Is Sarah okay?”

Tommy sighed, “I’m not sure. It’s a mad house. Av-oid downtown bu-t drive west. We’re over that w-ay. I was with Joel and Sarah b-ut I got sep-arate-d. Meet us p-ast the theater o-n the west side, okay? I got to g-” Suddenly the call dropped, showing no signal. At the same time Holly ran out with her son RJ in her arms. She set him in the back seat and jumped into hers, her tires squealing as she backed out of her drive way. Just as she pulled out, the babysitter came running out of her front door, growling animalistically. Your eyes flashed from her to RJ, checking for any wounds which you found none. He was bawling, completely terrified.   

“Hey, Tommy said drive to the west side past the theater and we can meet them there!” You said, climbing into the back seat to comfort RJ. You cradled the 2-year-old and hushed his sobs. He clung to you for dear life as you rocked him back and forth. You drove just outside of Austin, avoiding the mobs of people. Many people had the same idea as you but the flow of traffic stayed decent, only stopping every so often. The three of you rode in silence until a blockade came into view. It looked like the military was stopping people and directing them east. The exact opposite of where you needed to go. As Holly pulled up to the officers, they signaled her to roll her window down.

“How many in the car?” he asked, shining his flashlight in the vehicle.

“Just us three.” She answered.

He nodded, typing something on a tablet he held, “Okay, head east 15 minutes from here. There’s a larger Military presence over there and they’re taking survivors. I’ll add 2 women and a child to the list so they know you are coming.”

“No-No, we need to head west! We have people we need to meet!” You said quickly. The officer scowled and shined his light back to you and RJ who had calmed down into sniffles.

“Sorry ma’am but you can only go east. West side of Austin is under lockdown and no one can leave or enter. You go east.” He finished, walking to the car behind us.

You set RJ down next to you, buckling him in before returning to the front seat. “We need to find Joel and Tommy. We can’t go East.”

Holly shook her head, turning her tear-soaked cheeks to you. “No, we’re going east. I have RJ to think of, ___. If Joel and Tommy are smart, they’re already there waiting for you.” You sighed, defeatedly. She was right. The Miller brothers were very resourceful. It was a possibility. Maybe they were already at the safe zone. Same with your family. You nodded, your heart twisting in your chest as you agreed with her and then you were off.

It was a 15-minute drive but you could see the lights and helicopters before you even got there. It was massive and there were hundreds of people and tents popped up everywhere. It would be forever before you found anyone. The officers let you all in, setting you and Holly into a medical tent with a few other people. RJ slept in his mother's arms as the Doctors and Soldiers came in and out of each tent. Your leg bounced with anxiety. You glanced around the tent and around the area in general. People sobbed and cried and yelled, asking where their loved ones were, or what was going on, and saying they wanted to go home. You couldn’t help but to agree. You wanted nothing more than to go home and go to sleep and wake up and have this all be dream. 

Some time passed before the fedra soldiers came back with water and blankets. They said they were transporting people to quarantine zones as soon as possible. You wanted to fight back and say you had people to find, but everyone was saying that. So you sat and obliged.  

Finally, the doctors made their way into your tent, checking on the other habitants first. They did a full body check on the young girl sitting on the cot. She was clean. Next was the mother, she didn’t speak any English. She cried to the doctor, “Por favor, doctor. No estoy enfermo. Quiero irme a la casa.” The doctor just looked at her, checking her body over anyways. She cried and cried and your heart broke for her. It made you sick. You wanted to go home too, desperately. You wanted your mom or your sister. Or Joel. The doctor finished his search and nodded to the soldier. The soldier came over to the woman and dragged her away. Her daughter screamed on the cot as they subdued her. You couldn’t look anymore, it hurt too much. You averted your gaze back to Holly and RJ who was awake now, rambling in her arms. She raised her hand to wipe the hair out of his eyes, and that’s when you saw it. Your eyes widened as you noticed the three scratch marks on her wrist.

         Present Day.                                                                                                    It was fall now. Mid-October. The cold decided to make an early appearance and you were thankful for the older couple you’d stumbled upon a few weeks ago. They’d stocked you up with a good amount of food and a thick winter coat. The old man had been saying it was going to be a Winter with a sharp bite and offered you the jacket. Who were you to deny an old man and his wisdom? They let you stay there a couple days. Maybe they had been too trusting. You could have easily killed them while they slept a few doors down from you. You’d even thought about it. They had plenty of food and a barn with a couple cows and chickens. You could just take it if you had really wanted to. You hated that those were thoughts you had. They were showing you such kindness and trust, hell, the older woman even baked you a pie. A fresh baked pie?! It had been probably 20 years since you’d had one of those.

The course of the last 20 years moved in a blur. From you being split from anyone you’d known and sent to a QZ in Illinois, to that said QZ being destroyed by fireflies only 5 years of being there. You’ve had to do horrible, heinous things to survive; which you hated yourself for. You searched and searched for anyone familiar. Someone you’d gone to school with, babysat, or maybe a neighbor. Anyone. And that never happened.

As you scrambled for a place to find shelter, dark storm clouds rolled in, bringing a late fall storm. The trees all shades of burnt sienna and burgundy as their leaves fell to the ground, leaving the smell of their decay lingering in the air. It was a comfort to you. You’d always been a fall type of person and being out here in Wyoming, it was almost magical. You adored the whip of the wind across your skin as the air became colder, a few drops of rain kissing your cheeks. In the distance, you could see a small shack, clearly (hopefully) abandoned. You trudged on forth, minding the ache in your knees. You’d been walking for a while now, and you definitely weren’t 22 anymore.  

As the shack came into a better view, the rain began falling harder. You picked up speed, not wanting to be completely soaked and thankfully mother nature allowed you to reach your destination before it really pelted down. Once inside you looked around and no surprise, it was empty. It was a small, dusty home. Only having a living area, kitchen and bathroom with a bedroom off to the side. You sat your backpack and rifle on the couch as you sat next to it, reclining and stretching into the cushion. You were so comfortable as you listened to the rain patter against the roof. The room was dark and cold, you couldn’t help but close your eyes and drift off for a bit.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but when you woke up it was still raining. You stretched, shaking off any remaining drowsiness but when you went to reach for your backpack a gun cocked at the back of your head. You froze, raising your hands in compliance.

“Stay fucking still.” The voice said. You blinked, annoyed with yourself that you let your guard down. “Don’t plan on going anywhere.” You retorted.

You sat there a few moments before another voice spoke, “Hey, kid! What are you doing?” The gun’s nozzle stayed firmly planted against your skull, “She was in here asleep! I was getting the upper hand!” The other person came up to your assailant and pushed the gun away before stepping in front of you, hand at her gun on her hip.

“Who are you?” She asked. She was average height, darker skin tone and had these beautiful braids in her hair. She seemed a bit younger than you but had to have been in her mid to late thirties.

“Doesn’t matter, I’m just passing by.” You sighed, not really in the mood for an interrogation. I mean, you’d just woken up.

“Why are you in the area?” she asked, probing further. The other person, a young girl, went to stand next to her, eyes locked tightly onto you. Did you really come off as that threatening? The girl had to have been 13-14 no older than that. Maybe 15. You couldn’t really tell.  

“I told you. Just passing by.”  

“Maria, she doesn’t really look like much of a threat...” The younger girl hushed. The older woman, now known as Maria, sighed. “What’s your name?”  

“If I tell you, will you let me leave?” You asked, your annoyance increasing.

“It’s pouring still. You want to leave in the middle of a storm?” The younger one remarked.

You sighed, “It’s ___. My name is ___. I don’t have any intention of hurting or robbing or killing any of you. Just needed a place to stay while it rained. Is this your place? I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Maria shook her head. “No, it’s not. We were out on a hunt and it started pouring. Saw this place and had the same idea as you, I suppose.” Maria relaxed, removing her hand from her hip and settling down on a chair opposite from you. “I’m Maria. This is Ellie.”  

Ellie scoffed, “Maria! We could have used fake names!” You smiled softly, loving the kick-back. Maria just shrugged, relaxing further into her chair. “Where you from, ___?”  

Your eyebrow quirked as you thought of an answer, “Good question. Kind of everywhere. Midwest originally. Stayed in the Chicago QZ after the outbreak. Didn’t last long. Been traveling since.” Which was mostly true. You were in Texas of course for a while, and there had been groups you stayed with since the QZ fell, but none of them worked out in the end.

“Why Wyoming now?” She pondered.

“Well, just kind of found myself here. Was with a few people and that ended. Now? Well...”

“What happened to them?” Ellie asked.

“Doesn’t matter. Looks like the rain is letting up. Am I free to go?”  

Maria sighed as she hesitated for a moment. Ellie watched her intently not quite sure where she was going. After some time, Maria spoke. “Alright. You can go if you’d like. Want to follow us though? We have a town a bit north from here. Could set you up a place to stay for a few nights, get you some food, a shower...?”

“A shower?” You asked incredulously. It’d been so long since you’d had a proper bath and you knew you needed one desperately.

She chuckled, nodding.  

“A hot shower too!” Ellie chimed in.

You hesitated a moment, weighing your options. One, you could go and have an amazing shower and meal and sleep in a safe place... maybe even on a bed. Or two, it was a trap and they were going to sell you off or maybe even kill you and cook you. If it were the latter, they probably would have killed you by now, so you decided. Fuck it.

“You have a deal.”

You followed Maria and Ellie a few miles until a rather large town came into view. You could see the area had power as the sun had begun to set. Lights twinkled throughout the homes and your heart almost got caught in your throat. “You guys have electricity?”  

Maria nodded, “Yep. We have a dam nearby that give us power and stuff.”

You all walked a bit more before finally reaching the town. It was massive considering things. As you approached the guarded gate, you could hear people chattering and kids laughing. What were you about to get yourself into?  

Maria raised her hand at the guard who stood at his post, signaling for them to open the gate. As they did, a man rushed to Maria’s side pulling her into a tight hug. You didn’t pay much attention to it as you peered into the town, eyes wide.

“Where have you been? It’s been hours! I was worried sick!” He spoke. Maria rolled her eyes, “I don’t know if you knew this but it was raining cats and dogs about an hour ago? Ellie and I found a little shack and waited it out. We found her too.” She said, pointing towards you.

Your attention was brought back to Maria and as you looked to the man in front of her, your eyes widened even further. His face matched yours as you both stared at each other.

“T-Tommy...? No fucking way.” You stood there like you’d seen a ghost. Tears pricked your eyes and you blinked them away immediately, scared that if you looked away, he’d disappear. Tommy rushed to you, pulling you into a tight hug, squeezing the air out of your lungs. You clung back to him, letting the tears fall freely.  

“___… I can’t believe it.” He breathed into the side of your head, bringing his hand up to your hair.

“I’m guessing you know each other?” Ellie asked.

The two of you embraced a moment longer before he let go of you, keeping you at arm's length. “What... where... I can’t even formulate a sentence right now.” He said, tears of his own stinging the corners of his eyes. You laughed, biting back more tears that dared to spill, “I’m in the same boat, Miller. It’s been so long.”

Your heart was pounding as you reunited with your former friend, just stuck in a  state of shock that after all these years, you’d run into someone like Tommy Miller. What are the odds?

“This your place, Tommy?”

He nodded, “Yeah, Maria and I oversee things for the most part. Come on, let’s get some food in ya.”

You followed Tommy, Maria, and Ellie through the town until you reached the mess hall in the middle of it. As you walked through the streets, people greeted Tommy and Maria. They were doing their duties or relaxed on their porches, enjoying their space. Enjoying their life. Their guards totally let down. It was a sight to see. Children played with each other, splashing in the fresh rain puddles and chasing each other down in a game of tag. It was almost unreal.

The four of you entered the mess hall, the smell of fresh cooked food entering your nostrils. You’d been living off canned beans and peas for the past few weeks so your stomach was instantly rumbling. Tommy sat you at a table while he went and grabbed you a bowl of chili and bread. You could have cried as you ate your first bite; it was hot and fresh. “Is it good?” he laughed. All you could do was nod, stuffing your mouth with another spoonful.

After you ate, Tommy and you caught up to date as best as you could. Ellie and Maria had wandered off somewhere else leaving the two of you to yourselves. “So, you and Maria?” Tommy smiled, “Yeah. Couple years now. Even married her.”  

Your eyes widened, smiling at your longtime friend, “No shit! Wow, who would have thought Tommy Miller to be married.”  

He laughed, “Yeah, yeah. Such a shock, is it now?” You just laughed back, looking down at your empty bowl.

“What about you? Anyone special over the years?”  

You rolled your eyes jokingly, “Maybe a few here and there. Nothing serious though.”

“Don’t know why. You’re still a looker.” He poked.

“There’s the Tommy I know and love.” You grinned, pushing his shoulder playfully, “Not everyone has the luxury of living in a town like this one and meeting the love of their life.”  

Tommy leaned back in his chair, agreeing with you. “Well, maybe it’s sudden but you know how I am. You know you have a place here with us. We’ll set you up with a lil’ house. Get you on the board for some jobs. Wasn’t a doubt in my mind when I seen you out there that I was gonna let you leave again.”

“You gonna hold me hostage, Tommy?” You laughed.

“Might have to.”

You’d be a fool to pass it up, you knew it. But you were nervous. How could you adjust to a life of ‘normalcy’ after being essentially feral for so many years.

“Mind if I think on it a bit?” Tommy shook his head, “Take all the time you need. In the meantime, I got someone you might want to see.”

Your eyebrows knitted together in thought. Who could he have been talking about? And then it hit you. In the excitement of everything that had been happening in the last couple of hours, you hadn’t even considered the idea that Joel could be there. Your heart started pounding in your chest again, butterflies swarming in your stomach as the thought of seeing him entered your mind. You’d convinced yourself that he’d died years ago. That both him and Tommy had died and Tommy was in fact here before you. It’s been 20 years and the idea of seeing Joel Miller still sent you spiraling. “He isn’t…” you began. Tommy smiled at you as he radioed someone over the talkie, “Anyone got eyes on Joel?”  

Your heart hammered so hard Tommy could probably hear it. He had to have been pulling your leg. You started becoming self-conscious. You hadn’t showered in weeks, you were grimy, you had aged. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself because when was the last time you’d had to worry about that?

“He just got in from patrol, you need him?” A man said on the other side of the radio.

“Yeah, send him to the mess. Got someone he needs to see.”

“Roger that.”

Tommy made small talk while you both waited for Joel to arrive. You couldn’t process anything though. You were suddenly so nervous. How was he going to react? Would he be just so happy and cry? Yeah right, that was so anti-Joel it was laughable. Would he just be nonchalant? Like, wow. Been a while. Nice to see you. You couldn’t even predict it. Tommy could sense you were anxious and placed a hand on your shoulder to calm you down. “Hey… it’s Joel. You know him. No need to be nervous.”

He was right. You did know him. But the keyword was did. You knew him 20 years ago. You’ve changed since then so of course he’s changed as well. What if he didn’t even remember you? God, you’d be so embarrassed. “Y-You’re right. I’m just in my head I guess.”

“Well get out of it. I think you’ll be surprised. Want a drink?” He offered.

“God, yes. What do you have?”

“Well,” he began “probably don’t got those fruity little drinks you used to like but I can sure get you a glass of whiskey.”

You laughed, exhaling a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, “Okay. Whatever you got.”

Tommy returned with the drink quickly. You downed it as soon as it hit the table, the whiskey burned the back of your throat and chest as it went down.

“Still can’t shoot whiskey, huh?” Tommy teased. Your face scrunched up into a look of disgust, “Fuck, guess not. That’s awful.”  

Tommy opened his mouth to say something but was distracted by the mess doors opening. There he was. Joel Miller in all his glory. Tommy walked up to the man, patting him on the back before striking up a conversation. You were out of earshot so you couldn’t hear anything but you weren’t sure you wanted to. If you were anxious before, you didn’t even know what to call how you felt right now. You felt like you could throw up on the spot, but maybe that was the whiskey talking. He was the same. A bit aged, but still Joel. His hair was grayer, bit longer too. Still scraggly, but it’s always suited him. Maybe he was a bit more muscular but you couldn’t exactly tell cause of all the layers he had on. You stirred in your seat as your heartbeat went a thousand miles per minute. He was here, and he was alive.

Tommy led Joel over to the bar and poured him a glass of amber liquid, maybe in a way to prepare him. Joel took a sip, not noticing that his brother had signaled you over. You stood from your chair, stomach in your ass as you made your way over to them. Nothing could prepare you for this. You had half a mind to run out and never look back. But your heart yearned for him, even if it were just to be in his presence, even just to say ‘Hi’.  

You reached both men, standing at the chair behind Joel who had his back facing you.  

After a moment of you trying to talk yourself up, you spoke. “I’ll have another one, Tommy.” You said, sliding your glass over to him. Joel turned around, finally aware of your presence. His eyes scanned up your body until they met your face.  

A chill ran up Joel’s spine as he heard a voice ask for another drink. It was a voice he knew all too well. One he hadn’t heard in 20 years, besides in his dreams. His eyes met yours for a moment, until you turned away under his gaze. No words were said and honestly you didn’t feel like they needed to be. He stood from his chair and faced you fully, eyes shimmering behind the tired look on his face. Almost like he was renewed.  

“Hi, Joel.” You managed to get out, your words finally finding you again. Confidence found you too as you looked the man in the eye. He sputtered a moment, not quite sure what to say before he decided nothing was best. He wrapped his big arms around your frame, pulling you in for a hug that was even tighter than Tommy’s. You hugged back, gripping to the back of his flannel. He smelled the same with just a hint of something new. That warm, musky Joel smell that reminded you of cedar and whiskey with the added sent of pine. You could have gotten drunk off it. Not in a million lifetimes could you have imagined the day would come where you were reunited with him. You had to have been dreaming. More tears spilled and you cursed yourself, tired of all the waterworks.

Joel held on to you for what seemed like an eternity. You didn’t mind at all. In fact, you welcomed it. It’d been too long since you’d been touched in general you hadn’t realized how much you’d been craving something like this, let alone from him.

“I’ll give the two of you a moment.” Tommy said, knocking on the bar and walking over to Ellie who was coincidentally walking up to you all and pulling her away with him, “Oh c’mon, Tommy!” She yelped.

Joel finally pulled away, but still keeping you at bay, “I don’t... I don’t understand. Where did you come from?” He was breathless. He kept thinking it was a dream, you being here. He didn’t want to wake up.

“Well, that’s a long story,” You laughed, “Most recently from Colorado. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t even know how we’re both here to be honest.”

Joel smiled down to you, his grip tightening, “It’s kind of unreal, right? I kind of.... thought-”

“That I died? Trust me, when I saw Tommy, it was like I’d seen a ghost.” You recalled, eyes softening as it really hit you that Joel was here in front of you. Unchanged, just slightly grayer.

“I-I looked for you... For years. I kind of went mad about it for a while. So much happened that night.” His face twisting into a look of discomfort as he remembered the night things started.  

The two of you sat and spoke for hours, catching up on everything. Joel told you about Sarah and how Tommy stopped that soldier. You cried when he spoke about her; he teared up too. You told him about Holly and how she’d been taken that night. How you looked after RJ until he got sick one winter when he was 8. He didn’t make it either. He told you about the Boston QZ and people he’d met along the way. How he met Ellie and how that went down. You did the same. A lot was similar in the way you lost people, and a lot was different. 

At some point during the conversation, Joel reached over the table and took your hands into his. You couldn’t even imagine pulling them away. By the time you caught each other up to speed, the clock above the mess door said it was nearly one in the morning. At this point, it was only you and Joel in the room. It was so strange to you how 20, almost 21 years had passed and it was like you’d talked to him yesterday. You both fell so naturally in line with each other, you had no idea why you were so nervous to begin with. The two of you sat in silence while Joel rubbed circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. You hadn’t felt this kind of comfort in so long, you didn’t want it to end.

Suddenly, the doors burst open to reveal an irritated Ellie and an exasperated Tommy. “Joel, you have all day tomorrow to catch up. You promised me you’d teach me that dumb song on your guitar.” she said, throwing her body down on the chair next to Joel.  

“I’m sorry, we tried everything in our power to keep her entertained. You know how she is about her Joel.” Tommy joked, pushing Ellie’s head forward slightly.

Ellie scoffed, “Yeah, right. This old man? I’m just making sure he makes good of his promise.”  

“You know I always do. But, she’s right. It is gettin' late. I’m sure you gotta be tired.” Joel said, looking over at you. You nodded, finally paying attention to how exhausted your body was.

“Yeah, I am. I’ll give you Joel back, Ellie.” You said smiling to her, “Tommy, you said you got a place I can stay a while?” He nodded, beckoning you with his hand to follow him. You went to follow him but not before Joel grabbed your wrist, stopping you from going any further.

“Promise we’ll talk tomorrow?” His eyes searching yours for something you weren’t sure of.

“’Course. I’m not going anywhere.” Your answer seemed to satisfy him as he gently let go of your wrist and stood. “Alright.”

The next few days flew by. You’d gotten cozy in your tiny home. Which really wasn’t so tiny. Two bedrooms, a working bathroom and kitchen. You could have died there you loved it so much. Tommy had taken you to the pantry to get some essentials stocked up in your house. They gave you a few days to settle in before getting your answer on if you’d be staying long term. Which, of course you were. You saw Joel and Ellie every day. She was always in tow behind him which you thought was the cutest thing ever. She’d been growing on you and you hoped you were growing on her as well. She acted tough at first, almost like she wasn’t interested in getting to know you, which Joel told you she’d come around. You really hoped for that. And you succeeded. 

It seemed like Joel made up any excuse to see you throughout the day. Literally the most mundane things, and there he was. Knocking on that red front door of yours.

“Tommy told me the sink has been leaking. Figured I’d come take a look at it.”

“Actually, the sink has been doing just fine.”

“Oh, well. Maybe I should take a look anyways.”

Or, “I made an extra sandwich. PB&J. Ellie said she didn’t want it. I figured we could have lunch together.”

“Oh, I actually just made some eggs. Also, aren’t you on patrol today?” He pouted, “Oh, yeah. I have a lunch break though. It’s alright if you don’t want it. Jus’ thought I’d ask.”

“... a peanut butter and jelly sandwich sounds pretty good right now.”

And even, “Hey, Maria said they’re playing that one movie you liked at town hall tonight. The one with the green guy and the donkey?”

“Shrek?”

“Uh, yeah. I think so. Want to go watch it me? Or, uh... I mean, Ellie and I?”

“Sure, Joel. I’d love to.”

It was so funny to you. But you loved it. It was so in character for him to beat around the bush or to just make the little excuses to see you or hang out with you without just plain saying “Let’s do something.” You’d come to realize Joel really hadn’t changed much at all in the decades you’d been apart from him. At least, in the ways he’d been showing you. You also realized maybe you hadn’t changed much either over the years. You found yourself falling into ‘normalcy’ easily. You lived for the moments where Ellie would come over and ask you to have dinner with them. Or the little excuses Joel made up to see you. It filled your heart in ways you weren’t even aware of. You were excited to wake up each day, knowing you were with people. Maybe even your people.  

Days turned into weeks and you’d even been assigned work at the preschool during the day. Sometimes you’d take shifts at the mess halls bar, serving drinks to the men and women in the town. You figured it was a good way to make friends. Joel and Ellie always sat at a table near the bar when you'd work with the excuse of keeping you company. Not that you minded, at all.  

One night, a few months after settling in Jackson, you called Ellie over to the bar, “Hey, come here. Wanna teach you something.” Ellie pointed to herself making sure you were talking to her to which you nodded, smiling to her.

“What’s up?” She asked.

“Wanna learn how to make a drink?” You offered. Ellie’s eyes lit up and she agreed eagerly, “Um, yeah, duh! What drink?”

“Well, let’s see what we got. Not much to work with but here,” You said handing her the glass, “Put some ice in it, and fill it up to here with this.”

You handed Ellie the bottle of bourbon on the shelf behind you. She opened the bottle and filled the glass halfway, eyeballing it to exactly where you had pointed. “Hmm, how about we top it off with this?” It was an almost empty bottle of ginger ale. She followed your instructions, filling the glass to the brim. “Okay, now take this spoon, put it at the top of the cup and slam it to the bottom.”  

Ellie looked at you with her eyebrows quirked, “Slam it? But why?”  

You laughed, “Just do it. Trust me.”

Ellie tilted her head, unsure, but did it anyways. She slammed the spoon down, causing the glass to fizz up, nearly spilling over the edge. “Oh shit... Can I drink it now?”  She asked eagerly.  

You laughed again, now tilting your head as you thought a moment, “Well, not too sure about that one, Ellie. Why don’t you go ask your dad?”

Ellie grabbed the glass and carefully walked over to the table Joel was sitting at. You watched from a distance as she asked the older man if she could drink her creation. Joel looked over to you and gave you that look, you mouthed a sorry and stifled a giggle. “Not today, kiddo. Try again when you’re older.”

“Oh, c’mon, Joelllll. I can’t even have a sip?” She whined. It was endearing.

You watched as the two of them went back and forth, arguing over the drink and who was going to drink it. You smiled to yourself. The moment felt so... domestic. You didn’t know what to think of it. But by the way your heartbeat picked up, you figured you might have liked it.

You were cleaning glasses and organizing the liquor when a couple of men sat at the bar, and removed the hats off their heads. “Back from a late patrol, boys?” You asked, placing cups in front of them and pouring some whiskey into it.

“Yes, ma’am. Not much out there when it’s ‘bout 10 degrees and snowing.” One of them said. He was a regular. Here at the bar every Thursday and Friday. Maybe Sunday’s. You’d picked up from his friend that his name was Luke. He was younger. Probably about 25, maybe 26. His friend, who you learned was named James was a bit older. Mid-thirties, married, had two kids. They were both nice, however, James was a flirt despite being wed. Luke tried but he was pretty inexperienced. Both alright looking though, the younger being taller and thin, blond hair and blue eyes. The older one was shorter in stature, bit thicker, with darker hair and green eyes. If you were honest, you weren’t the biggest fan of James, but a you remained cordial.

“It is a chilly one out there,” James began, “Luke needs someone to keep him warm at night. You’re single, aren’t ya, ___?” He said, smiling. His grin somehow gave you bad vibes, but you smiled back nonetheless.  

“I am. But I'm not looking right now. Sorry, Luke. I’m old enough to be your mom!” You laughed, finishing up wiping a couple of glasses and setting them in a tray under the bar. “Barely! Maybe if you were a teen mom or something.” He retorted. You just smiled and went about your business.  

A little while later after a few more people came and drank, it was almost time to call it a night. You peaked behind the people finishing up their drinks and sure enough, Joel was still there, with a book, listening to the random music that played on the stereo. You bit your lip, hiding the smile that adorned it. He was always there.

“All I’m saying is that, if I weren’t married, I’d be all up on that! Luke, c’mon she’s a single cougar. Get your head in the game.” You overheard James's whispering to the younger man next to him. James sighed, “I don’t know, James. She’s been seen with that Miller guy. Not Tommy but the other one. He’s scary. Heard he’s killed a bunch’a guys.”  

“Oh, come on. He’s not that bad. Just an old dude. Plus look at her. She’s fucking worth it, man. The ass she has on her? God, and those tits.” James continued.

You mentally scoffed. You figured he was a slime ball but this was just flat out gross. Thank God the mess hall was closing soon because you were about ready to give the man a piece of your mind. Suddenly, James said something, attempting to get your attention but you pretended not to hear.

“Helloooo! I said can Luke get another drink here?” He repeated himself.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll pour you one more but we gotta close up soon.” You replied, filling Luke’s glass once more.

“Jesus, Luke. You see that? Dumb and hot. I bet you could convince her to get in bed with you.” This was your last straw. You get they’d been drinking but they clearly lacked common sense. You turned to the sleazy drunk, ready to tear him a new one but it turned out you didn’t need to. You stood there; arms crossed waiting for whatever was going to happen next.

“What’sa matter, baby? Suddenly want a piece of what Jamesy-boy has to offer? Got enough to go around!” Your eyes rolled as he tried again, digging himself a further hole.

“Don’t think she likes what you’re offering her, Jamesy-boy.” Joel said behind him, placing both of his hands on either of James shoulders. Luke’s eyes widened at what was happening, or at least about to. He had some decency to know what James was saying was wrong, but he lacked the balls to say something about it.

“Wha-What... How would you know what she likes and doesn’t? How dare you come up and put your hands on m-” James bit his tongue when he turned around to see a seething Joel behind him.  

“Wanna repeat what you were about to say?” Joel asked, leaning down into the man's face. James shook his head quickly, struggling to move from his seat as he was so frightened.

“If I see or hear you talking to her again, hell, even lookin’ at her, I’ll mess you up so bad, your wife won’t even want what ‘Jamesy-boy' has to offer. Y’hear me?” Your eyes widened at Joel’s threats and you couldn’t help but like what he was saying. His words turned in your stomach as you felt the heat build there and further down. Only God knew what that said about you.

James nodded, trying to slip past Joel. Luke got up as well, ready to follow his friend out. “I didn’t hear you say it. Out loud, now.”  

“I-I won’t talk or look at her again. S-Sorry about that.” He stuttered.

“Good. Don’t apologize to me though.” Joel said, signaling over to you.  

“I’m sorry, ___. It-It won’t happen again.” You nodded, acknowledging him, waving him away.

The two of them scurried away like the rats they were. Good riddance. You looked at Joel who was now sitting at the bar. “Jesus, Joel...”

He scoffed, “What? Was that not okay? He was harrassin-”

“I think you’ve gotten softer in your old age.” You chimed in. Joel stared at you, confused as to what the hell you were talking about.

“Excuse me?” He asked. “I told him I’d beat him so bad he’d be disfigured and that was soft?”

You laughed, finishing up the last of the cleaning before close. “Yeah. The old Joel I knew would deck a guy for saying something to me.”

Joel sat there a moment as he recalled the night at the bar where he broke a man's jaw for calling you a slut. He smiled lightly, “That’s right. You’re right... maybe I have gotten soft.”

Your eyes rolled as you grabbed your winter jacket and throwing it on, “Come on, softie. Walk me home.”

Joel obliged, getting up from his seat and following you out of the mess hall. The two of you walked into the frigid air, almost instantly shivering from the lack of warmth the place provided you. The sun had set a long time ago, leaving the milky blue hues of the night appear next to the luminescence of the moon. It was a sight. You stared up at the floating rock in the sky, entranced by its beauty. If everything in this world has changed, the moon stayed the same. You were a big fan. You were so engrossed in the way the moonlight shined; you had no clue someone was doing the same but to you. Joel walked with you, paying no mind to the road ahead of him. His eyes were on your frame, on the swell of your breasts, on your lips. He noted how your irises twinkled as you peered up to sky. It caused a lump to form in his throat, his heart rate picking up as he tried to swallow it down.

“Hey, Joel?” You asked suddenly, his gaze quickly leaving you as you looked to him.

“Yeah? What’s up?” He replied, clearing his throat.

“Back there… in the mess. I could have handled that myself.”

Joel was taken aback for a moment before chuckling softly, “Oh, darlin’ I know. He should have been more scared of what you were gonna do to him instead of me.”

You laughed back, nudging Joel on the shoulder with your own, “I mean it! I would have tore him apart had you not been there.”

Joel smiled, “I know, I know. Maybe I just wanted some points in my favor with you. Make me look cooler, maybe make you like me more.” He continued.

You looked at him with a confused face, “Like you more? Joel, I’m not sure if that’s even possible. I think I like you too much.” Your nerves started getting the better of you as you realized what you’d just said. Joel’s eyes widened but only for a second. He started slowing his steps down as he turned to you, “Like me too much, huh?”

“Just forget I said it.” You piped in quickly, trying to back track.

“Don’t think I can do that, darlin’.” Joel said, stopping you from going any further. He wrapped his calloused hand around your wrist, lightly pulling you to him. Your eyes softened as you looked up to the man, your cheeks reddening under the yellow-toned streetlight the two of you stood under. You wanted to look away. You didn’t want Joel to see the way he so easily made you blush. “Stop hiding from me. You look so pretty, tonight. You always do.” Joel placed his free hand under your jaw, leading your eyes to meet his.  

“Why can’t you forget I said anything?” You hushed, entranced in the way he was looking at you. Like you were the most precious thing in the world. He just laughed, bringing his hand from your wrist to the other side of your face. “Don’t want to. Think I might like you too much, too.”

You smiled, heart racing, stomach flipping; everything. You brought your hands up to Joel’s jacket, running over the wrinkles until you hit his neck and kept them there. Snowflakes began to litter from the sky and danced around the two of you, melting as soon as they hit your bodies. “Well, Joel Miller. If you like me so much, why don’t you kiss me?”

“Can I?” he asked softly, nudging his nose with yours as he closed the space between you. All you could do was nod as your words failed. That’s all he needed before his lips were on yours. His soft lips met yours, only a little chapped. You moved with him as he kissed you, one of his hands wrapping around the back of your neck while the other fell to the nape of your spine. Your own hands wrapping around his neck and lacing through the bottom of his hair. You both stood there for what felt like forever, just enjoying the embrace. At one point Joel nipped the bottom of your lip, asking for an entrance. Your tongues moved and intertwined with each other as Joel deepened it even more. You didn’t want to break away as you were quite literally seeing stars and hearing fireworks but Joel stepped away first. “We-We need to stop, baby girl.” He said breathlessly.

“Why? I want to kiss you more.” You insisted, moving your head to kiss him again.

Joel grinned, pecking you again lightly once, twice, maybe a third time. “Trust me. I need to kiss you more. But not here.” You agreed with him as you pulled him further down the street. It was a straight shot to your house when suddenly Joel stopped again.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

He hesitated, his face etched in concern. “You’re not gonna regret taking me home with you, are you?”  

Your eyebrows pulled together as you looked at him like he’d said something ridiculous, because it was. “Joel, do you think I’d regret it?”

He hesitated, unsure of himself, “Don’t know... ‘S why I’m asking you. Don’t want you mixed up with the ‘crazy old guy’.”

You paused a moment, almost laughing at how silly it was. You walked right back up to Joel, placing both of your hands on his cheeks a pulled him into you, kissing him once again. It was full of intensity. You wanted to show Joel just how badly you wanted him, crazy or not. Hell, you were old too. Joel fell naturally into it, wrapping his arms around your body. He chased your lips like he was addicted. It sent you soaring. After a moment, you pulled away, “Come on. Take me to bed.”  

Joel placed his forehead against yours, holding you to his body. You could hear the heavy, desperate breaths coming from him like he was wagering with himself. Joel cupped your face once again, his lips ghosting over yours before whispering, “Let’s go.”

The trip to your bedroom was hazy. You were so out of your mind with want for this man you were shaking. As soon as you both entered your room and the door was shut, Joel was at you. He shed you of the thick winter jacket you had on and the fleece sweater under that. You did the same to him, pushing off his coat and flannel in one go. Your lips met fiercely, your hands running up his chest to his neck, pulling him closer. You wanted to be engulfed in him in every way. It scared you a bit at how much you wanted him in this moment, how much you needed him. You shivered at the lack of clothing as Joel pulled your jeans down, leaving you in your bra and underwear. He stepped away but only for a moment as he discarded his shirt and worked on his pants. His eyes ever left your body. His breath grew heavy again, watching the way his chest puffed up and down. You could see the strain of his length, begging to be released as he stepped out of his own pants and returned to your body.  

Joel kissed from your clavicle to your neck, biting and sucking as he saw fit. You moaned as you wrapped your arms around him, scratching his back lightly. He grunted, shuddering from the pain as it turned into pleasure. Joel grinded against you, his erection poking your belly. Your hand flew down to it, rubbing him through the fabric of his boxers. He sighed, kissing up your jaw to your mouth as he fucked into your hand. “f-fuck, baby girl. You’re drivin’ me insane.” He stuttered, his hands at your panties as he slid them down. He left them just below your ass, gripping your cheeks and kneading them in his large hands. You moaned again, your own hand slipping into his underwear as you continued your ministries. His cock was already slick with precum. God, he was so needy for you. Never in his life had he had a desire this intense. Both your bodies felt like fire as your fingertips danced over the expanse of each other’s skin.  

You were just as desperate. You could feel the wetness drip from your folds on to where your underwear sat, your swollen bud just aching to be played with. It’s like Joel could sense that, as one of his hands left your ass and dipped inside of you. He circled your clit slowly at first which you could have cried at. You needed more. You bucked your hips into his hand and he got the hint, picking up his speed. You both stood there at the side of your bed, getting each other off. Both moaning into each other’s mouth, licking up his jaw as he did to yours.

“Baby, need to be inside of you. F-fuck, I’m goin’ crazy.” He breathed; his breath muted as he spoke against your lips. You were already so close from Joel working so hard on your clit, but you knew coming around his cock would be way more gratifying. You nodded, separating yourself from him as you shucked your bra off and climbed on to your mattress, minding the way you wiggled your behind ever-so-slightly to which Joel moaned out loud at. Joel rid himself from his boxers and climbed over to you, hovering over your body as he pecked hot, open-mouthed kisses up your body.

“You’re so f-fucking beautiful.” He spoke, eyes on you. Your own eyes rolled as you wrapped your hands around his neck pulling him in for another kiss.

“Quit buttering me up, Miller.” You sighed, licking a strip up his tongue. Joel’s grip on your waist tightened. He was so hard it was beginning to hurt. “Not doing no such thing, darlin’. You’re so fuckin’ pretty. Look at how hard you get me. Been doing this to me a while now. Just lookin’ at you, I could cum.” His words went straight into your heat as you clenched around nothing. You needed him in you or you’d quite literally die.  

“Oh yeah? How long you been touching yourself to me?” You asked, your hand returning to his cock as you lined him up at your entrance. Joel slid his leaking tip in between your folds, running it up to your clit, rubbing there for a moment.  

He laughed softly, “Long time, baby girl. Here and there before. But now that you’re here with me again; it’s almost every night.” Your back arched at his confession. There’d been many nights you’d lay awake since you moved to Jackson. Your mind thinking of the events of the day, but they’d always end up on Joel. They way he’d sip from his glass of whiskey, or bourbon. The way he’d come into the mess hall after a patrol, always a little disheveled and sweaty. Or the way he was always so intense with you, never looking away when you spoke, when you laughed. How he’d always find a way to have a hand on you, just to be as close as possible.  

“Joel, put it in, fuck- all the way. Please fuck me.” You begged, your legs wrapping around his waist.

“You ready for me, sweetheart?” He asked, teasing your needy hole with his tip, pushing it in slowly. You nodded, lips back on his. Joel pushed himself in easily. You were beyond ready for him. He gasped at the sensation. He loved the feeling of his cock being swallowed up by you. He looked down at your cunt as he bottomed out, moaning at the sight.  

“Jesus... you take me so well. Y’always have. Like you were made for me.”  

His words sent you spiraling, your eyes rolling back as you felt his fat cock fill you up. He started at a slower pace that was still intense. His lips on yours as he kissed into your open mouth. You couldn’t help the moans and sighs that escaped your reddened, plump lips, abused from Joel’s own. Joel pumped into you, your slick mixing with his as you both created a symphony of wispy moans and slaps against each other’s skin. It was fucking beautiful. His hand pushed the stray hairs away from your face as he picked up speed, thrusting into you as the claps became louder. “Yes-s, take it. Let me see that pretty face of yours. So fucked out ‘cause of me.”

You loved how vocal he was. It was a driving force as he slammed into you, on the edge of his high. You were right behind him, the coil in the pit of your stomach on the verge of snapping. Joel’s thumb worked on your swollen bud again, circling quickly as he wanted you to come with him.  

“Joel I-I'm so close, fuck!” You cried out, your arm thrown over your eyes as he rutted into you.

“Move that arm of yours, wanna see you when you come for me.” You obeyed, your arms wrapping back around his neck pulling him down to you. Joel kept his pace steady, and with a few more flicks of his thumb, you were unraveling. Your hand flew to his hair, gripping it as you moaned, calling out his name. Joel felt your cunt tighten around him, gripping him to you. “Yes, fuck, take it! ’s all yours, baby. Always yours.” His pace slowed; you felt the hot ropes of cum filling any leftover space inside you, coating you. Tears pricked your eyes as he continued the remainder of his thrusting, everything becoming too much.  

Joel’s softened dick slid out of you and was replaced by two of his long fingers, “Don’t want you to waste a drop. Keep it all in, baby doll.”  

Your eyes closed; body enamored with pleasure as your legs shook from the af effects of your orgasm. Joel collapsed on to you, pecking your chest and neck with more kisses and love bites. His hands found their way up to your hair and weaved into it. He wanted you close, but you weren’t going anywhere.

The room was quiet besides the sounds of both yours and Joel’s labored breaths. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears as you basked in the comfortable silence. It was a while before either of you spoke. You actually thought Joel had fallen asleep which sucked, cause while you loved him being on top of you, he was getting heavy.

“Do you regret it?”  He spoke suddenly.

You pushed yourself up onto your elbows as you peered down to the older man on you. You looked at him incredulously, like you’d been shocked. “Regret what we just did?” He nodded slowly, eyes on yours.

“Joel,” You began, fully sitting up as you pulled him with you, “Why would you even ask that?”

“I just... Dunno. Just feel like you could do better than an old, crazy guy. Lots of guys ‘round here dying to have you even look at ‘em.”

You sighed, your shoulders slumping. Your hand reached out to Joel’s face, petting the grayed scruff on his jaw. You took some time to figure out how to say exactly what you were feeling, even then it was hard to explain. “If you think that, genuinely; You really must be an old, crazy man.” You laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

“I don’t think you realize that I am absolutely in love with you, Joel Miller.” Joel’s breath hitched as his eyes widened slightly. His heartrate picked back up. He really wasn’t expecting to hear that.  

“Not Luke. Not James. No one else. Ever. I get that might be a lot to place on you so sudd-”

Before you could even end your sentence, Joel’s lips were on yours again. He kissed you so deeply, so passionately, that you could have exploded. Your body was so warm even with the bite of the negative temperatures outside. He pulled you on to his lap and just... held you. He held you so delicately, like you’d break with any amount of pressure. After a moment, he broke away and maybe you were just seeing things, but you could have sworn you saw a little tear drop, threatening to fall. Your eyes glazed over, tears of your own beckoning an appearance. You truly were just so in love with him, it was crazy. You’d only been reunited a few months back but, it was as if you’d spent the last 21 years with him. It felt as though no time was spent apart at all. Things between you just worked so naturally and flowed so well. Like you were made for him, just as he said. And as though he were made for you.

Another comfortable silence lingered in the air. You both just genuinely enjoyed the presence of one another. Joels hands rested at your waist, one them made its way to your back, rubbing small circles on to your skin. His head fell into you, resting just above your breast as he breathed you in. Your own hand had moved to his hair, scratching his head lightly.

Joel sucked in a big breath of air before speaking, “Don’t think I’ve heard those words in a couple’a decades.” You nodded along with him. It’d been a long time for you too. Joel looked up to you, too comfortable to move any further. His eyes glimmered as he looked into yours. It was as if you held the universe within those orbs of yours. He couldn’t look away.

“I am absolutely in love with you too, my sweet girl.” Now it was your turn to be surprised even if you weren’t really. Not like you’d been expecting him to say it, but it was still something. You couldn’t help but smile as a tear fell. You didn’t want to cry, not at all. But you couldn’t help it. Your body swelled with emotion as every cavity of you filled with love and admiration for this worn-down man in front of you. Both of you changed in so many ways, some for the better, maybe some for worse. But when you really looked at it, not so much was different. He was still Joel Miller, and he was yours.  

“Good.” Was all you could say as more tears threatened to fall.

Joel smiled, a small laugh escaping his lips. “Good.”

taglist: @paleidiot, @aestheticangel612​

i hope u all like this part! soft joel is my absolute weakness and i love writing him. i think i might take some requests so if anyone has any ideas for Joel Miller or even Din Djarin :o i’d be glad to see them! also lemme know if anyone else would like to be added to a taglist <3

likes and reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed <3

[rayshippouuchiha]

Um… Hi, Ray! Hopefully this isn’t weird, I’ve just been thinking lately, and, uh. I guess I wanted another opinion? Someone to tell me if I’m being dumb? Hopefully this isn’t a bother, I’m just stressing a bit and worried I’m making a big deal out of nothing-

So, to get down to it, I used to be really into theatre when I was younger- Think elementary to middle school, I guess, it’s been a while. I dunno how good I was, because, you know. I was a kid. But I liked it, even if I never got big roles! It was fun, though looking back, our theatre teacher and the one who directed all the plays was kind of a dick, lol. Lots of favoritism there. Same for his wife.

Except something that’s made me more uncomfortable the more I think about it is one… Incident? Basically, uh, I was something of an early bloomer in regards to my. Chest, I guess, and puberty in general. And they’d often film rehearsals to watch them back and go over things with us, like what we needed to work on. And one day his wife pulled me aside and pointed out that my breasts were visibly moving in the recording and kinda. Scolded me? Guilted me? For it. I dunno. I was an anxious kid though, left me hyper aware of how my body moved, and it stressed me out enough that I dragged my mom with me to the store in hopes of finding a more restrictive bra. The one I settled on was super uncomfortable and tight and made it hard to breathe, and it ultimately didn’t fix the problem, or at least I felt like it didn’t. Because again, I was now hyper aware of my body and could still feel them moving. Because. That’s how movement works. But it stressed me out to the point that I started wearing jackets all the time, and would zip them up during rehearsal to hide myself and try and make sure no one saw anything. I definitely overheated a lot because of it.

It’s been years and I’ve since gotten better about wearing jackets All The Time- I can take them off at home or in the car or at work- But I still need one relatively close or I start getting uncomfortable. I’m still hyper aware of the way my body moves and get nervous moving too much around others.

I dunno, I feel. Kinda dumb for freaking out so much about this. I’m worried I’m being over dramatic and I just. Wanted other thoughts, I guess. Thanks for listening Ray, hope you’re doing well.

You are absolutely not being dumb, darling.

You were approached by someone in a position of authority over you at a young age and inappropriately scolded for something that was both natural and already hard to deal with at a time in your life when you were young, vulnerable, and likely already stressed because your body was changing.

It's understandable that something like that could stick with you even into adulthood.

Just try to remind yourself that it was wrong of her to do that, your body and the way it moves is nothing to be ashamed of or to hide, and just be gentle with yourself.

[davidtennantgenderenvy]

eternal youth is overrated - a good omens one shot

Summary: Heartbreak and loneliness have left Crowley marked in more ways than one. Aziraphale helps him see that this isn’t such a bad thing.

NOTES: I’ve always had a bit of a bittersweet fascination with aging (David Tennant’s crows’ feet make me emo in ways I cannot hope to describe), with the sadness but also the beauty inherent in it, and I thought it could be interesting to bring this idea to good omens. The concept was “what if Crowley started getting grey hairs after Aziraphale leaves, if, over time, his physical appearance subconsciously changed to reflect his mental state?” The fact that I wrote this as a 19 year old honestly just shows how much I need therapy, but it was honestly incredibly cathartic to work through some of my own mental struggles via Crowley in this fic. Aziraphale’s pov was equally fun to write, as I basically just got to write how he feels about Crowley based on what I feel about David (lol). Hope you enjoy my first Good Omens one shot- I may or may not make an A03 account if it gets enough engagement, I’m honestly pretty proud of it! Special thanks to my wonderful partner in crime @flyingfluse for providing some much needed inspiration!

PS: The title is actually from a song I wrote called Grow Old With Me (hopefully will be available someday fingers crossed)

——————

It had been a year.

Nothing to a demon, really. In the vast expanse of six thousand years on earth, not to mention the innumerable eons Before The Beginning, a year didn’t count for much more than a blip. But heartbreak is a funny thing. Time, for Crowley, now seemed to pass in a much more human fashion- the year that had elapsed since Aziraphale’s return to heaven, a year devoid of anything resembling laughter or joy, a year spent largely either sleeping or stewing in self-loathing, had seemed longer than the past hundred combined.

Crowley’s gaze blearily wandered to the rearview mirror of the Bentley. His reflection, as everything seemed to these days, mocked him.

Those sickly yellow eyes, reminding him of all he was and all that he could never be, like the sulfur he had been cast into all those millenia ago. On his worst days, it was like he could still feel it, eating away at him from the inside out, decaying his soul and with it, his body. It carved shadows into his cheeks and circles beneath his eyes, deep and dark as caverns. It rose in his throat until he choked on it, leaving his voice hoarse and acrid. It spewed out of him onto everything and everyone, every time he opened his mouth, an acidic bile of rage and bitterness.

He had been destroyed and rebuilt over and over through the millenia, and the product was a rough, hardened callus of a being, like a patch of skin that had been picked at too many times. He felt grotesque, untouchable, damaged- there would be no point to pursuing any new connections when no one would understand, nor why would they want to, when he seemed to turn everything he held to ashes? 

A ray of sunlight leaked through the window of the Bentley, catching upon Crowley’s hair, revealing it to be littered with strands of grey, collecting dust-like in his copper mane. How the mighty have fallen, he thought bitterly. Falling, always falling, like leaves in autumn, their color draining as their forms grow brittle and they become one with the earth. From dust they were made, and to dust, they shall return.

Perhaps in a year, he would be dust too. What would he care?

Demons didn’t naturally age, or so he had thought. But loneliness seemed to have made a mortal out of Crowley, centuries of it crashing down upon his corporation, wearing it to the bones, etching his torment into his skin. He could always just miracle any part of himself back to the way it was, reverse all this damned erosion… but what would it matter? Why even try to keep his hair from losing its color when all the color had drained from his life the second his angel had left it?

He felt so, so old.

A single, desperate sob escaped Crowley’s mouth, cracking out of him like splintering firewood.

As he weeped against the steering wheel, the Bentley switched on its radio in sympathy. 

I’ve walked too long in this lonely lane,

I’ve had enough of this same old game.

I’m a man of the world, they say that I’m strong,

But my heart is heavy and my hope is gone.

-----------------

    The demon lay curled in Aziraphale’s lap, clinging to his chest as a snake might in search of warmth. It clutched at Aziraphale’s soul to see Crowley this vulnerable, the swaggering and smirking stripped away to reveal a heart in desperate need of care and healing- a task Aziraphale considered his greatest duty and greatest pleasure, for he knew Crowley would do the same for him. 

    Aziraphale ran his fingers through Crowley’s hair, earning a deep sigh from his beloved, whose brows turned up in fragile, stirring comfort. He loved doing this, both to see how much his touch moved Crowley and because he simply loved his hair itself. Bold, striking, an instant head-turner, just like everything else about him. It was now the longest it had been since biblical times, falling in elegant waves past his shoulders. But oh, something else was different… it was streaked now with rivers of silver, gathering in deltas at his temples. It lit a familiar flame in Aziraphale’s chest; that bittersweet blend of desire and sympathy.

    “You’ve changed your hair, I see”, he said softly. 

     Crowley takes a labored swallow, strain and self consciousness seeping into his face. Whatever he says next, it’s clear that the admission is going to cost him.

     “When you left, I suppose I… let myself wither away.” His voice is lodged deep in his throat, thick and murky, leaking out of him like tar, a sound from the depths of his own personal hell. “Oh, Aziraphale…” he exhales, and it’s one of the most poignant Aziraphale has ever heard.  “I’m so tired. So worn down. So bloody ancient.”

      “So am I, my dear,” he says, trying to come across more soothing than concerned.

     “Yes, but you still shine in the same way you did all those millenia ago… still so bright, so soft.  I’m all tarnished and rusted up… I don’t know how you still want to touch me.”

     Aziraphale gazed down into Crowley’s eyes, piercing and pleading and fragile, like shattered stained glass. At his craggy, rough-hewn cheeks, all bones and edges he’d happily cut himself on to caress. At the deep, deep lines around his eyes, carved there by every grin and grimace and longing and ache. And oh, the silver in his hair… it suited him so, both rejecting and combining black and white with a color all his own. It wasn’t normal for immortal bodies, ethereal or occult, to bear the marks of time and experience as Crowley’s has. But then, Crowley was never an ordinary demon, or angel, was he? No, he was something far more exquisite. 

    “Oh, but I do… I  do…” Affection surges through Aziraphale as he kisses every crease and wrinkle, every scar and every glorious grey, every sign that his dear Crowley has lived. He feels Crowley’s hands winding through his hair in response and kisses those too, those eloquent, spindly fingers and calloused palms…

   “Crowley, my most cherished books… the covers are peeling, the pages are torn or yellowed with age… so why would you be any different?” His heart seizes up, his voice breaking a bit. “I have seen the fire and rain rage within you for so long, and I have seen the marks they have left upon you, and each one is precious to me. You know how I love to read… Why would I not want to see the story of my beloved written upon their face? My 

dear old serpent, my survivor…you don’t have to fight anymore…”

     He pulls Crowley tightly to his chest, drawing the tension from his shoulders and back before cupping the sides of his face as Crowley stares back, looking overwhelmed and old and so, so beautiful. “I want you exactly as you are. Rough and hard and frayed at the edges… you will never be too much of any of these things for me. In fact…” A slightly wicked twinkle forms in his eye as he smiles pointedly at Crowley: “They make you more tempting to me than ever.”

    Crowley processes this for a moment. “Well…” he croaks out, that hint of playful snark finding its way back into his throaty timbre, “I suppose there is something to be said for… shades of grey.” Aziraphale laughs, remembering the words he himself said to Crowley all those years ago, on the same night he realized just how much he adored him.

   Crowley smiles, that crooked, twisted, perfectly imperfect smile that Aziraphale missed, his eyes crinkling magnificently at the corners. “Kiss me,” he whispers, and Aziraphale is happy to oblige. Happy that Crowley, bold, fierce, independent Crowley, could finally let his guard down, could finally embrace that all of his scars and imperfections, every mark of time upon his face, everything he ever thought made him damaged and ugly only made him more beautiful in his sight.

[cyberthestarmedic]

Howdy! I saw your post and thought "why not?"

Could you do a TFP/RB where Optimius is a guardian to a teen girl around Miko's age (reader, platonic of course) and they go to Griffin Rock for something (it's been awhile since I've seen Rescue Bots)?

Maybe Heatwave and reader get along because of their sarcasm lol?

Howdy! Sounds ace! I’ve enjoyed writing this!

(p.s love your profile pic!)

hope this is what you’re after!

The Unheard of Visit

y/n was finishing her homework after a boring week at school, it had been a drag to find much motivation with her growing cabin fever and Optimus acting a bit strange.

Optimus had been no less polite of course but there had been some random looking contact she’d briefly overheard before starting on her homework.

Deciding it was worth just asking instead of pondering she walked over fiddling with her h/c hair and scratchy g the back of her neck — something she’d picked up from Jack.

“Hey Optimus…who were you speaking to earlier? It just seems a bit off for you” y/n explained as her guardian had looked about briefly before answering her.

“there are others, who are no involved in the war and must remain hidden but seeing as they are welcoming to humans — perhaps it can do us both benefit to go and visit — as I am aware of your restlessness growing” he replied offering his servo to climb into.

y/n smiled climbing in as he headed for the ground bridge and walked through as they walked out into a street a flying lobster came right at y/n!

though she had put up her hands in defence — nothing hit them. Cautiously peering over her hands she’d seen a red bot! he had a blue visor down and had caught the lobster with a huff. Then he’d saluted Optimus, y/n was surprised to see his different insignia though.

It had the Autobot one but in like a circle around it and he wasn’t armed, plus looked a lot like a fire bot — Bulkhead had talked about a few various jobs a week while ago.

“Promise talker wasn’t the intended greeting Optimus and who’s with you?” “This is y/n, she has come as company as she needs a change of scenery” Optimus explained smiling a bit.

“Well then nice to meet you y/n, names Heatwave and welcome to Griffin Rock — all sorts of crazy high-tech malarkey happens here but me and the team are atop of it— most of the time” he sighed as a robotic dinosaur ran past leaving y/n gaping.

“How do you keep up with everything?! It’s like chaos is round every corner!” She exclaimed as Heatwave smiled and nodded.

“I wonder the same thing sometimes too, but it’s not home without it and I do actually have the reports written this time Optimus — Chief gave me a hand while Chase was trying to beat Gram at chess.

Ha, I’d never seen either so competitive” he chuckled as they walked to a faint red firehouse where other bots were just hanging about with the t-Rex that had ran past.

“So can I have a wonder about here?” Y/n asked hopefully as Optimus looked to Heatwave who then looked to Cody:

“Cody would you show y/n around Griffin Rock while me and Optimus talk paperwork and other things?” “Sure! Nice to meet you y/n!” Cody chirped as she smiled.

“Thanks for showing me about — so much high-tech here” “yeah, it’s wild how much there is — say what interests you?” Y/n hummed thinking.

“Something cool and adventurous!” “I know the place! Let’s head to doc’s lab and see what he’s working on!” He chirped jumping on his hover board and y/n sent him a confused look.

“Sorry! Let’s go for a wander instead — everyone is busy” “no fuss, so what’s the coolest place here to you?” Y/n asked as they walked to the centre of town.

They felt a rumble under their feet, the pair shared a panicked look as a manhole cover was shot up into the air by a green slimy gloop!

“err what do we do?!” Y/n shrieked as Cody and her ran away as sirens were heard not far away.

The ground beneath their feet was sent flying up and sent them rocketing into the sky as they started fall y/n scrunched her eyes closed but felt herself being caught swiftly.

she’d looked up to see Heatwave, he’d caught her as she sighed with relief. “I know I said I wanted an exciting day but dang. That was certainly an uplifting experience— and thanks Heatwave!” She chirped as he rolled his eyes.

”yeah a sky high experience, no wonder why Optimus speaks so highly of you” he chuckled back as he put them down and got to helping with a vacuum like device that was getting rid of the gloop.

y/n had met back up with Optimus with a wide grin, “I can only assume your cabin fever has been resolved?” “Nah! I think I need a drive!” She giggled as Optimus only shook his helm as they headed back to base.

…

hope you’re having a ace whatever time!

Cyber 😊

[local-loudmouth]

it’s crazy that 2023 is almost to an end! Another year that just flew by!

I’ll be honest, I was desperate to post my art somewhere. It’s been kinda a rough couple of years for me. And recently.

I was extremely sad last year. Around this time, actually. Let me paint a picture.

Last year, I switched schools. Which I guess doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it was to me. My whole life was at my other school. My friends. They were the best. As u can probably imagine, I starting at a brand new school is hard. Especially when everyone already knows eachother. This might come as a shocker, but I’m kinda Anti-social when it comes to ppl around my age. (Especially cuz ppl my age are such bitches Lmao) for the longest time, I coped using discord And tik tok. I Even made my own little group. But ofc, that had to come to an end too. after that, I was sad again. For the longest time I had all these ideas, but no one to really share them with.

(cuz none of my irl friends like nor watched tmnt) and recently I ended a friendship w/ someone. We were both in the wrong, I’ll admit. I did say somethings behind her back. Nothing too bad. But it did call her a hypocrite. Because she would always complain about our other friends leaving to hang out w/ other ppl. When she does the exact same thing. And I was alone. Alone at lunch. Just sitting there. She would treat me so..rudely. Just plain rude. I asked her a question (Idk what is was exactly) and she responded with such a rude response. And that was on fucking Halloween. (Which I was sick on) so that’s when the entire friendship fell to shit.

Since then I’ve been hanging out by myself in the library (well, the times it’s open anyway) so u can probably imagine how I feel. Then one day, it all changed. I discover this wonder escape. Tumblr. I signed up and made this acc. And I met such amazing ppl on it.

@allyheart707: has given me good advice on my little comic series, genially super nice, fun to chat w/. I think I’ve been mutuals w/ her for the longest.

@ghosty-0w0: very silly, I have so much fun doing art collabs w/ you!! Again, very nice and thoughtful. Mutuals for a bit but it feels longer!!

@mikey-rottmnt: the ultimate silly, whiteboard was to much fun (I’m gonna try and make another board for us lol), I have no idea how we became mutuals lmao. Very fun to chat w, always open to listen, caring and sweet. I enjoy having conversations w/ u!

@c00kietin: I had a lot of fun drawing u!!!, Irish gang 🍀☘️, that one time I didn’t get sleep was chaotic, very chill, a local amphibia fan!! I wanna talk more w/ u, cuz ur js so cool!!

I Hope y’all have an amazing new year! May the year bring u luck, kindness, adventures (hopefully) not artblock, and alot of ideas!! (Not that anyone of u need them, cuz ur so creative!!)

and dw..Hehe..I will make u all suffer w/ ANGST ANGST AND…fluff. JK MORE ANGST >:))

(no but real talk I will not js do all Angst I swear—)

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE OTHER MUTUALS THAT IK AND ARENT ON HERE, ITS CUX I FORGOT UR TAGS!!!

[destinyc1020]

Hi 👋🏽 lurker here. I love your page but honestly feel too grown to comment on tumblr most of the time 😂

just wanted to chime in to say the biracial/black women convo is important and I really appreciate your perspective. I’m around Zendaya’s age, (slightly) older and I’m also a (biracial) light skinned black woman. Same foundation shade as Zendaya actually 😂. I can tell you this discourse was not a thing growing up. We were black, considered black by society, etc. it wasn’t until the past 5 years that I’ve seen people feel the need to distinguish us as “biracials” and honestly it has been a little hurtful and neglects our experiences as biracial black people. Yes we have privilege, absolutely. Now that I live in a city, I feel that more readily. I was also raised around a lot of white people so I can adapt fluidly in white spaces, which has been immensely helpful in my career. But all grass isn’t always greener on the other side, if that makes sense.

For example, I grew up in a rural sundown town. Guess what? I was the only black person many of them had ever seen, and on top of that being biracial made me, and I quote, an “abomination”. Can’t tell you how many times I heard that growing up. And I imagine even in hollywood there are remnants of some of that (less harsh) sentiment there. Is Zendaya privileged and does she have access to more roles because she’s lighter? Yes. Is she still probably fighting off “stereotypical” castings, being met with executives who say “a black star won’t make us money in China/Korea/europe/whatever”, is she offered less than her white counterparts, probably also yes. I think it’s important that we can acknowledge that Zendaya (and light skinned black people) is more privileged but I get so salty when I see people try to strip her of her identity or overly criticize her because she’s “not black enough”. I feel like the discourse around biracial people in particular has been on fire in recent years. I can understand the frustration people feel with society around light skinned folks and I absolutely admit that some light skinned folks abuse their privilege or don’t give back, but the discourse is really stripping us of our identity as BLACK people. I’m a black woman, society sees me as such and I am PROUD to be a black woman. Having one white parent doesn’t erase that from my identity.

hopefully people don’t take this the wrong way, but thanks again for your take. Love your blog!

First off, thank you so much for your sweet and kind words about my blog Anon. 🥰 I appreciate it!

I also wanted to say thank you so much for providing your views and your input as a biracial black woman. As a monoracial black woman myself, I can't personally know first-hand how it feels or what biracial black women experience in this country. It's nice to hear the "other side of the coin" for a change.

You and I are probably around the same age, and you're right, growing up there wasn't such a huge demarcation line btwn who is "black" and who is "biracial". Back then, everyone was just considered "black" if you have "one drop" of black blood lol. 😂 But over the past few years or so, there's really been a strong desire for some to classify. I get it... I think biracial black women (especially) do get a bit more favorable treatment in society and people tend to treat them differently, and they're deemed more "beautiful", etc. Not always, but a lot of times the underlying current is there, and it can be frustrating for those of us who are monoracial black to constantly see society uplifting ONE type of beauty over the other. I can see why some want to "clarify" or put certain people in a box.

I think everyone's experiences might be unique just simply due to their skin tone, or even how someone looks, attractiveness levels, size, region of the country they're living in, etc. So, there are a LOT of factors, so I totally get it.

With that said, I totally agree that while it is definitely frustrating to see certain ones in the "Black Community" being given opportunities more than others, at the same time, we really don't know what some of these "lighter-skinned" actresses have had to endure, what they're being told, or how they can be made to feel like an "other" or a "token" for some of them. 🤷🏾‍♀️

My main gripe with Hollywood is that it seems as though monoracial YOUNG black women are constantly being ignored in the industry. 😔 Growing up, I used to at least be able to name some popular monoracial black women who were famous/popular. We at least had Keke, isn't Raven black? lol..... But now days?? It's very hard to even see monoracial black women (young) who are given lead roles in mainstream films.... We're RARELY playing the lead, or even the love interest. 🥴

A lot of roles meant for "black women" are going to biracials lol. Again, I'm not mad (I love to see a fellow woc getting some shine), but it would just be nice to see some black women onscreen who look more like ME, and who are around my age. Yea, it's nice seeing Lupita Nyong'o (for example), or Angela Bassett (who I LOVE!), Kiki Layne, Janelle Monet, etc.... but every now and then, it would just be nice to see some younger monoracial black women who look like myself on the major screen again. 😔 Anyway, let me stop rambling....

[bisluthq]

she's being really super fucking nice to me lately, which is concerning to me, because I feel like she's never normally this nice for this continuous a length of time. I know this lady a long time and normally like there are quicker shifts in what she thinks should happen and she enjoys criticizing me wayyyy more than she has been lately and idk if I freaked her out PROPERLY with the full blown episode and some of the other stuff that happened or if she's planning something lol - I actually lean to the former, I think I proper freaked her out, and I also think she reaaaaally hates FG so an FG free world is a world she actively wants to live in lol)

//////

Armchair diagnosis, not trained in anything health related, but a long time patient and had a chaotic childhood.

This sounds like a classic trauma response to me, and not an unreasonable one by any means, she’s shown a pattern of giving and taking, pushing and pulling, so it makes sense to be cautious of her. So please don’t think I’m being dismissive!

If I may give advice that my therapist gave me and it took me YEARS to be able to do properly - let her be nice to you, try to assume the best, but don’t give her much info about yourself IN CASE she pulls the rug again. Like if she messages or calls you, you can tell her a lot of meaningless shit (like the quesadilla lol) but make it look like you’re sharing.

How are you today?

Don’t focus on your mood, focus on events of the day, so don’t say you’re sad and cried in a portaloo and some actress asked what happened and then some dude hit on you and you just wanted to scream

Do say: The kids were well behaved, one is a bit disruptive so I need to work out how to pull him into line - maybe he has a learning disability? I’ll try to do that. My boss asked me to stay on longer, so I’m feeling really good about that.

- it’s still true (well idk about the second part lol) but it gives no insight into YOU or how you are actually doing.

Have you completely broken up with FG? What’s happening there?

Don’t say you speak every day and told him you miss him or anything.

Just keep it to things like, of course I’m sad, but I’m enjoying this time on my own and feel positive about the future. But I’ve been speaking to some cool people when having a smoke outside - there was one guy who… and then this woman who…

- you’ve completely changed the topic and would probably make her think you’re moving on away from him. But you’re not sending any red flags to be concerned or to giving her an opportunity to talk about FG (hopefully. I know stubborn people can repeat the question and be like “FUCKING TELL ME WHAT YOU AND HE ARE DOING!!!!!” but hopefully the distraction works)

And the big one, are you taking your meds/ eating/ anything to do with health - this is one I needed to learn how to phrase.

- don’t go into details about medication and any changes

- don’t talk about what you do in therapy, any questions like ‘is your therapist doing anything about your *insert any problem here, it could be a genuine struggle you have or something she thinks is something about you that you need to change*

- - stick to things like, it’s hard, can be tiring but I’m doing the work, following their advice, they understand me and are a great support system, we’re working through things as they come up and keeping an eye on everything, monitoring symptoms - the usual stuff.

- - - - I say something like this, because it says literally nothing. It paints a calm enough picture where people don’t feel the need to intervene, they can’t google your meds and symptoms and say how Sally on Twitter said she was taking those pills but they made her constipated and ask if you’re pooping enough or have an opinion on it the drs are doing the right thing or wrong thing because, again, SALLY ON TWITTER SAID — lol. Ages ago my family would ask me how I was going in therapy and I stupidly would say what we spoke about, which was childhood trauma and how their bad decisions/ mistreatment has fucked me up 😂 they would get defensive and add their opinion on how I was wrong, or how I should focus on the things fucking me up now (my dudes, it is the trauma response from living with y’all 😂) and then later my dad would ask if I’m doing CBT and tell me the side effects of my meds and how there are other drugs with better side effects lmao - he was trying to understand, he was trying to be helpful, but it felt like an interrogation. And if I had a panic attack, he’d insist I find a new therapist and meds because clearly what I’m doing isn’t working, which just felt like being kicked when I was down but I think he thought of it all like seeing a physiotherapist for a sports injury and being “fixed” after a few appointments? Idk.

I just find the less info I give people, the less room there is for their to share their opinion aka add more stress. Some people I’ll share more with and say I’m struggling because of whatever but only to people who consistently validate me (or at least don’t invalidate me) and the worst I get back is toxic positivity.

Good luck with them and sending love 🧡

this is all AMAZING advice. Thank you. I *am* going to follow most of this. Genuinely thank you.

[itsfennix]

so uh I didn’t cross over to Sovngarde lol

had a lot going on with school, my health, and roommate issues, so I had no energy or time to be on social media much. I’m getting my degree in Illustration, and these classes demand so much energy that I’ve been not wanting to draw for myself lately. I’ve basically just been mindlessly pressing buttons to let off steam whenever I can haha

now, a GAMES UPDATE!

1. I have acquired Dragon Age: The Veilguard!!! (dunno if I said that already…) Got it as a Christmas gift to myself, and I’ve been pretty obsessed lol Not done with my first playthrough yet, but I think I’m nearing the end??? Maybe??? Once/If the forked Frosty Toolsuite Alpha release no longer requires an encryption key, I have a bunch of mods I want to make and even more I want to use!

2. I have been severely neglecting ESO, but I somehow thankfully haven’t been kicked from my guilds lol I think I’ve burnt myself out from events and achievement hunting, so I’m gonna try to get back into just roaming around for a change!

3. I’ve been slowly but surely solidifying my modlist for Skyrim! I’m pretty sure I’ve got all the content mods I want, so I’ve been focusing on environmental and visual overhauls. Been learning more about DynDOLOD and its associated programs so that I can improve performance.

4. I’ve also not been playing BG3 much, but that’s because I accidentally updated the game to the patch that includes the mod manager, and it messed with my mods. I’ve since fixed most of them, but… my save no longer works. Which sucks cause I was literally at the very end of this playthrough lmao

Lately, I’ve become unhappy with the abilities of my current graphics card, so I may look into upgrading that! I recently got a new external SSD to help with storage and organization. In the past, I’ve added more RAM and replaced my broken WIFI antennas (that’s easy tho) so upgrading/repairing PCs thankfully isn’t completely unfamiliar to me.

Anyways, I’m not dead! I’ve been busy, but I’m also playing and working on some game stuff :) I’m excited to see y’all’s content again, and hopefully I’ll have some of my own to post soon! 💜

[jodilin65]

I’ve always considered myself an empath but have become less of one the more I see and realize that for the most part, people cause their own problems. Like voting Republican and then crying about lost rights. What do they expect? That’s like teasing a tiger and then bitching about it if it bites.

However, if the journal entries I’ve been editing and publishing from 2014-2015 were written by a total stranger, I would feel SO bad for them. It’s just so much torture both physically and emotionally that I went through! Even after all this time, I’m still angry that I had to suffer so much while the so-called experts blew me off and gave me suggestions that weren’t the least bit helpful in the end. They should have had a much better idea of what was going on with me and provided me with much better solutions rather than being so dismissive or blaming my problems on simply being anxious. Denying other possibilities was totally unprofessional, including that not everyone’s normal is in the so-called normal range of numbers.

I get that we know our bodies better than anyone else and that it’s hard for people to figure out or understand what they’ve never experienced first-hand but that’s still no excuse. They should have had enough info based on others who, like me, experienced the same problems. I was far from alone in what I went through between the medication and menopause.

I almost considered deleting Doc A for a minute after remembering the way she tried to tell me that levothyroxine can’t make you anxious, and that losing weight doesn’t affect your thyroid levels but only the life of the thyroid. How can any doctor say that to a patient?!

Also, the way I had to pry for menopause info or look online as if it’s a taboo subject and something totally unnatural that half the population doesn’t go through was ridiculous. I thought back to Doc C who knew damn well what my age was at the time, yet she never once said a word about menopause or perimenopause.

LOL, I just sent the last few paragraphs to Doc C on Facebook. She probably won’t see it though, as she definitely seems to have abandoned her account. And all because of what? A former patient who wanted to be her friend? Whatever. Her prerogative. It’s been 51 weeks since my last message to her which was actually an accident. It was a flower picture I meant to send someone else.

For the second day in a row, I’m tired because my sleep got broken up. I got up to pee and had trouble falling back asleep. Knowing that this meant I would automatically be tired when I got up, I removed the mouthguard. I was surprised not to find any spikes in oxygen levels after sleeping without it.

My only complaint is that the thing is making my jaw and teeth sore but I confirmed that while it can move teeth and make your jaws sore, it can’t knock your teeth out or anything like that. Hopefully, I’ll get used to it but if I don’t, yet still find it helpful (when thunder isn’t waking me up and I’m able to get back to sleep after I wake up to pee), I’ll ask Rhonda for a referral so I can get one custom made. For now, maybe tomorrow I can get back on with the testing! Part of having trouble sleeping might be my fault. It’s very hard to resist laying down when you’re tired and I might have laid down too much and gone to bed too early. I’ll try not to do that as much throughout the night.

There is some good news and that’s that some of my test results came back and I do not have an infection after all. I’m guessing the yellow discharge is simply the way I am in this day and age. Hormonal changes can cause it but it’s rarely a symptom of cancer so I’m not worried about it since I don’t have any symptoms. Hopefully, she won’t want to do further testing. The urine culture results are still a few days away.

More good news. The bed has been ordered! From Amazon, we have a metal frame that’s 14 inches tall and supports up to 3,000 lbs. The whole ensemble should be about 1,000, though.

I also got a couple of fitted sheets, one in Rio Red that will go with an extra pillowcase we have with red rosebuds on it, and one in Dusty Lavender which can go with an extra plum-colored pillowcase.

From the waterbed store, we got an 8-inch plush waterbed cover with free-flow tubes. It will come with 7 tubes that run the length of the bed and not the width. If I feel the cover is plush enough, I’ll just use an extra fitted sheet for a mattress pad. If not, we have extra plush mattress pads.

Tom will get a sheet of plywood to put on the bed frame since it's not a solid platform. There are gaps between the rails and we don't want to put the waterbed mattress on that. Also, I want to put the soundproofing blanket on top of the plywood and underneath the waterbed because I sometimes still feel and hear bumps and bangs from car doors given how close these houses are.

So now my survey savings account is almost empty! I’m going to get some little things before I save up for anything big again. I want to indulge in some Chinese food and a variety of incense from The Dipper. Then I want to finish the exterior bedroom wall.

Magic straws aren’t so magic. They have these flavored straws for milk and I decided to try the chocolate one but didn’t notice any chocolate taste at all.

Going to make dinner in a bit. A baked potato and chicken wings since I had salmon last night.

My weight is up a couple of pounds after having to raise my TSH a bit but it sure stopped my racy heart. You know how it is for me; it’s either be calm and be fatter or wound up and not as fat. The first choice is definitely more comfortable.

What was that the honker was just looking at? He just honked in and then I saw him step over in front of his lanai and peer between us and Ray at something. A rabbit?

[winderlylandchime]

I actually had QueerAnon as my number 1 podcast omg. Hopefully that tips off Jordan and Randy that they need to get their asses back to recording.

I honestly think the therapist knows about the show. I mean from what my brother has told me about him, the guy is around the same age as my brother and they’ve talked about movies, tv shows and music so I feel like he either knows it since the beginning or went to look it up. But the idea of him not knowing and just knowing my brother will lose his mind when his beloved show is over, is equally funny. I mean my brother vented to him about Brian getting cancer and about Ethan so he’s seen him at his worst throughout this show.

And as for the last few episodes: His plan is to watch them all at once. One after the other. Today. So I hate to report that the ‘straight man watches qaf in the year of our lord 2023’ is officially coming to an end. Do you remember that scene in Finding Nemo when the fishes try to escape from the tank and the starfish says ‘THE TANK IS CLEAN!’? Well he woke up today, walked into the kitchen and quoted the whole scene but changed it a bit, so it was: ‘good morning! Todays the day! The sun is shining, im watching the last episodes and I am finishing the sho- IM WATCHING THE LAST EPISODES!’ He even filmed himself and sent it to our family group chat and to his friends thinking how funny he is and immediately afterwards I got bunch of texts from our cousins, our uncle, our parents and 3 of his friends. And literally every single one of them is worried how he will handle it. My cousins basically said ‘good luck’ (they know how it ends and they also told majority of the family). My uncle is now fully involved (but only for his entertainment purposes) but he does think my brother might experience a mental breakdown after he sees the finale. His husband and him over the weekend watched the finale to try and judge how he will react and according to my uncle when the credits rolled, his husband looked at him and went ‘oh he is soooo fucked.’ And his friends told me that he told them he thinks it will be a happy finale bc no way would anyone do all that and then not make sure they end up happy, together and in love. They even brought up the Iron Man aftermath and im worried they’re right. So heartbreak is inevitable.

I will try my absolute hardest to send updates as soon as we finish the finale. But I apologize in advance if it either ends up being sent really fucking late at night or really fucking early in the morning. I already know I’m gonna be a mess watching the finale (i think I’ve seen it only a handful of times, maybe even less) but i am not ready to witness that first ever heartbreak due to the finale that my brother is only hours away from experiencing. It’s been years since I first saw it and i still remember how much it hurt so rip to the straight man. So who the fuck knows what his reaction will be to literally any of the next 4 episodes but especially the finale.

I'm guessing that the tumblr fandom is responsible for that podcast's listens this year. And I do hope Spotify wrapped sends up the bat signal that they need to make more episodes! C'mon Jordan and Randy!

I agree, it is just as funny for the therapist to think "I have no idea what is going to happen but Brother Anon is so unhinged about this, no matter what, it's going to be a crisis."

RIP to the tag "a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023" after this week. Btw, instant regret for choosing such a long tag but oh well! I'm not even christian! It is NOT the year of my lord... lol.

I'm glad the whole family is aware that this is going to ROUGH (understatement of the year) on your brother. I think having some things to help him immediately will be helpful - an episode of QueerAnon, a bts youtube clip, a favorite fanfic - and maybe letting him know there is a whole group of us cheering him on? Like he's heartbroken but he has friends he never even knew were out there? IDK.

Good luck. Don't worry about what time your messages come in. I have a super busy day tomorrow, so if I don't get to them, that's not a sign of anything. I just have a doctor's appointment (where I will *not* discuss qaf with my doctor) and then a bunch of appointments straight through until night.

Good luck and godspeed dear sweet anon. I have the feeling you're going to need it.