#(he's just struggling with facing all the responsibilities etc so he tries to talk himself into that she'd be better at saving the world)

[faaun]

ok let's catch up quickly

[monkiinart]

Arne's older sister, Ellinor!

[domreader-headcannon-scenarios]

Kinktober day 4; Docking/ Sebastian + Baldroy

-

Honestly you were annoyed with the attitude Sebastian had given Baldroy all day. Typically Sebastian’s nitpicking with Baldroy was limited to his cooking, but today he was trying to correct his behavior outside of the kitchen. He tells Baldroy to stand up straight, talk in a clear but soft tone, don’t refer to Master by their name, etc.

But you put up with it until Sebastian sassed him for trying to give you a kiss on the cheek in front of another servant. Mey-rin had thought it was absolutely adorable but Sebastian grabbed Roy and dragged him out of the room, undoubtedly to give him a lecture in private.

You excuse yourself and follow them to one of the empty rooms. You catch Sebastian practically shakes Baldroy as he growls out insults and corrections. “You can’t defile our Master infront of people!” You hear him take a fake huff before he was about to fuss more you stepped in.

“Sebastian stop, be a good boy come here. Get on your knees.” You shut the door and locked it. Sebastian hesitantly obeyed and knelt down in front of you. You ruffled his hair as you walked past him, leaning up to give Roy a kiss. He happily reciprocated. With a glare towards Sebastian you order him to get undressed and lay on his back.

You see a light blush decorate his face before he obeys and places his clothes down on a nearby table. He doesn’t meet your gaze as he is left displayed. His blush darkens as he notices you both eyeing him. You gesture to him. “Have some fun with him, it’s his punishment to endure it.”

Sebastian gave you a shocked look. “‘Punishment?’ What did I do?” He murmurs out, eyeing you both nervously as Baldroy approaches him. Baldroy was about to go between Sebastian’s legs when Sebastian moved away and closed his legs, not caring that his cock was exposed.

Baldroy gave a playful huff and sweated himself ontop of Sebastian’s legs. The demon was visibly confused and watched Baldroy pull his pants down just enough to slip his cock out, spitting in to the palm of his hand, he rubbed said saliva onto the head of his cock, pulling the the skin back first. You watch him stroke Sebastian till he was hard as well, he awkwardly tries to line their cocks up, but Sebastian wouldn’t sit still, even wiggling just enough to avoid direct stimulation.

You help him by grabbing hold of Sebastian’s arousal and tightening your grip on the base. Baldroy helps you get Sebastian’s cock in the position he wants, with the head fully exposed and his cock pointed towards Baldroy’s.

Baldroy didn’t wait or bother telling either of you what he was planning, instead you watched in amusement as he presses the tips together with a teasing rub. He pulls the foreskin forward so it covers Sebastian’s cockhead. The reaction was instant.

Sebastian bucked up with a moan, despite the fact he looked disgusted over Baldroy using spit, you can see in the way his legs involuntarily opened. Baldroy was quick to slip between his legs earning annoyed groan. Roy pulled the skin back and then repeated the motion, making Sebastian’s thighs trembly around him.

With every few strokes, Sebastian’s thighs tried to close but couldn’t with your other boyfriend in the way. Roy laughed at the response. “Look at him, shaking like a leave!” Sebastian blushed at that.

“More like a virgin on her wedding night.”

While Roy laughed Sebastian cried out in protest. “Don’t laugh! Master, what did I do wrong?!” Sebastian tried to move out from under Roy. You watch the little power struggle go on for a second or a few before you introject.

“Sebastian, I command you to stop struggling and let Baldroy do as he wants to you.” You give his cock a few strokes matching the pace Bal had set. “This is for lashing out, getting mad at Baldroy for giving me a kiss, since you lashed out at him im letting him chose to punish you.”

Sebastian whimpered in response, Bal quickened his pace earning a guttural cry from the demon. Sebastian cries out as the stimulation drives him over edge, he trembles when it wears off and he’s left overstimulated. He trembled but can’t move even as the ache from the overstim gets worse.

“He really listens to everything you say, huh?” You nod and Baldroy as if he can test it. You nod and before you can ask he pulls out a cigarette and light it in front of Sebastian. You have a strict ‘no smoking inside’ rule that Sebastian was very keen on. When Sebastian did nothing but yell at him once then stop with a quick glance to you. “Damn, ya really got him disciplined, huh?“

“You have no idea.” You laughed out.

Baldroy blew a puff of smoke into Sebastian’s face

[kokusfluffyhair]

Headcanons on Kokushibou’s reaction to finding out fem reader is going through depression? Like, Koku noticing that she is showing any type of signs that hint towards depression even if she tries to hide it by maintaining a cheerful, laidback and positive facade around him and others, telling everyone that she feels fine, but internally struggling with feelings like - loneliness, sadness, emptiness, hopelessness etc. especially when alone. (The signs of her depressive state becoming more apparent each passing day as her usual optimistic, relaxed and cheerful personality slowly diminishes (though not outright telling anyone how she’s feeling, only vaguely responding if they notice any changes).

(Been going through such a state for the past few couple of months recently, it’s getting harder and harder everyday to try and act fine, people around me don’t take me seriously, notice it or simply - they do not care at all, but it’s fine.)

(If you’re not comfortable with writing for such topics, I understand :) , thank you for taking the time to read my request anyway <3, srry for kinda pouring my heart out too, it was unnecessary ik. Also, I love your headcanons, you’re one of the few people on this app that I always look forward to see posts from :D)

Kokushibo When You're Depressed

(I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. I struggle with periods of depression, too, and as it's getting closer to winter where I live, it's not about to get better 😅 Thank you too for the compliment on my work. I really appreciate it💜 And I apologise for the delay)

+ Even though he doesn't seem to be in tune with his own emotions, Kokushibou is good at sensing those of others. He would know right away once you start to seem down.

+ At first, he would not do much of anything. He would think that maybe you are having a bad day, or that it's nothing serious. He wouldn't want to confront you about it and possibly make you feel worse by forcing you to face your troubles. He also would never want you to feel that you are a burden to him for feeling bad.

+ Kokushibou can be quite melancholic himself, so he tends to project his own experiences with sadness on to how he should deal with the sadness of others.

+ He would try to go on as if everything was normal, but the more he takes in your personality's diminishing, he begins to feel like he's failing -- how can his love not be feeling better?

+ He still would not want to confront you on it. He knows that if someone came to him and asked him if he was sad that he would feel shame for it. So, he still wants to be subtle.

+ He would make suggestions to spend more time together, claiming that he isn't getting as many missions from Muzan and would like to be with you. (Even if he is still full with missions, he would figure out a way to make it work.)

+ He would do small things for you, like cook your favourite meal or bring you other things he knows that you like. If you ask him why he's doing it all of a sudden, he would just say that he felt like it.

+ Eventually, if you decide you need to talk to him, he will listen, but will not tell you that he noticed that you were troubled for some time. He would try his best to be supportive and comforting.

+ Kokushibou would reassure you that you are never really alone as long as you are with him. He would take your loneliness personally, as if he might be responsible because he has his work he has to do for Muzan. He would ask you if there is anything he can do to make you feel less alone while he has to be away.

+ He would maybe suggest getting a large, huggable toy that reminds you of him, so that when he isn't there, you can still feel something from him through the toy.

+ He would look forward to when you start to feel better, and would have the patience to stick this out with you, even if it takes a long time.

[seventeenlovesthree]

This comes a little out of nowhere but I had this idea for a while, that digimon tri would have been more cohesive if it was about the original 8 adventure kids looking and searching for the missing 02 kids and therefore stumbling into this reboot plot with Maki and Alphamon etc (like asking Maki for help searching, she leading them to Meiko and Meicoomon). I think this would let them focus on the adventure kids without painting them as bad friends or without dissapointing the 02 fans. It also would make the original 8 more pro active in my eyes! Where the plot doesnt just happen to them. What do you think?

No worries, I do like thought experiments like that! And I do believe I had mentioned it before myself, because I am convinced that you are right and it actually should have been the underlying plot point in Tri. And if you think about it, one of the first scenes showing the 02 kids getting defeated was basically the perfect set-up for that.

I am currently not at home and without access to my PC/resources, but I am pretty sure there were articles mentioning that there had been several creative differences, which is why the pacing felt so off. I think a major problem may have been that they wanted to a.) include more fanservice and b.) try and give all characters focus "episodes"/"moments" to justify the Ultimate evolutions. Which, in my opinion, still backfired, because the evolutions felt very "tacked on". The idea of "overcoming ones darkness" has ALWAYS been vital to the original 8 and the themes were there (most obviously in Mimi staying sincere to herself, Jyou accepting responsibilities for himself), sometimes very cleverly integrated into the plot (Koushirou figuring out how to save the mons and Tentomon choosing to sacrifice himself the same way Kou always committed himself to the cause), but other cases were very forced (Takeru literally just said "Go for it", Sora had to go through forced suffer porn that didn't even really help her to move forward).

Long story short; I believe thar they should have committed to a theme: Either slice of life with monster-of-the-week stakes to give the kids singular moments to shine. Or: remove the slice of life/fanservice and commit to a plot. The older kids getting alarmed by the disappearance of the 02 kids and URGENTLY trying to figure out how to find them. No onsen trips, no school festivals. Them getting confronted by Daigo, Maki and Meiko (with Maki still being corrupted and trying to manipulate the kids to her advantage). There being a conflict in the group as to whether they should work with them/trust Meiko, with everyone showing varying degrees of stress with the situation.

You could still have Jyou's conflict like that for example; him worrying sick over Iori, but still prioritizing his studies at first and hating himself for it...

Mimi being dead worried about Miyako and looking at Meiko's glasses remind her of her the entire time; but she pushes through, trusting in Meiko, but butts heads with Koushirou who tells her to follow their plan (him and Yamato are suspicious of Daigo and Maki), but she's blinded by her drive. As is Koushirou, who overworks himself, but may actually get pulled out of that for once...

Hikari and Takeru being torn about the entire situation, asking themselves why they were not affected/targetted, if they can even fight properly without their Jogress partners, what'd happen if they had to face them at some point...

Taichi sees it all as an opportunity to bring the group closer together again, as he had been afraid of growing up and drifting apart again. Him and Yamato are actually not fighting for once, but still struggle with their obligations, as does Sora. But this time... They actually manage to talk things out, because they all have a common goal:

Getting their friends back and, in the process, reassessing their priorities, relationships, values... Especially with a reboot ahead of them and that strange girl in the middle of all.

I mean, I look at singular screenshots I took and feel like... Man, it could have fit wonderfully if the 02 kids had been the motivation all along.

[senjuushi]

Memory Au — Character Info Post

Time for a New Au! >:D This one uses a scenario where, through an unknown summoning glitch, the gunboys are temporarily returned to the physical and mental state they were in when they were first summoned... and before all of the abuse and trauma had fully started happening. Or had only just started.

Overall, that means innocent, trusting, openly needy guns who don't have the experience or awareness to hide their more vulnerable traits. Some are outwardly much better off than how they'd later end up, some just have a different set of issues.

For asks/requests, you can take the chance to treat these un-broken versions of the gunboys with kindness... or you can be their first truly terrible experiences. The aftermath of the switch is also a fun part to think about; when they go back to their normal selves, yet retain all of the memories of what happened to them while they'd been changed.

Requests are open for this now, so have fun! General questions (about the Au itself, character personalities, etc) are welcome!

. . .

F

Sweet, somewhat shy, and deeply eager to be a good Musketeer just like his useful, reliable brother. He’s soft-hearted and emotionally sensitive— both praise and disapproval affect him massively. Cries easily and is awful at hiding his emotions. Physical affection makes him melt, but he’s easily flustered by too much attention or intimate touch.

Belga

Still hyperactive and more than a little stupid, but behaves more like an overexcited kid than a battle-happy maniac. He’s constantly pestering his Master and seeking out attention, eager to learn about everything they like and join in on their happiness. Shows his soft-hearted crybaby side far more often, and runs to his Master whenever he wants comfort.

Mikhael

Soft-spoken, gentle, and almost angelically elegant. Delicate in both body and demeanor. Rather than being disconnected and distant from the world to protect himself, he adores the beauty of the world around him and is far more willing to open up and connect with others. He can be slightly spacey and frequently ends up lost in his thoughts.

Ninety

Just like an eager puppy, he’s clingy, happy, and excited by nearly everything. He’s able to talk in this state, and not afraid at all to do so. While he still does have a rather anxious personality, to some degree, he’s more willing to show how helpful and clever he can be, and nowhere near as panicky. He’s full of energy and usually fidgeting because of it.

Ghost

Still aware that he’s a failed prototype, and anxiety-ridden because of it. Terribly insecure and afraid of abandonment, yet still hopeful that he can prove himself useful to earn his Master’s attention. Follows his Master like a persistent shadow, though he’s too nervous to ask for attention outright. Highly emotional and not jaded enough to try to hide it.

89.

While he’s still introverted and prone to depressive spirals, he’s much more hopeful and optimistic. Shy and highly responsive to any kindness from others, he quickly grows attached to those who show interest in him. Quickly gets clingy and needy with a kind master. He’s still awkward around other people, but without the beaten-in fear of rejection.

Eins

Emotionally stunted and struggles with empathy, yet puts in effort to connect with the other guns. Caring, protective, and often fills a “big brother”-like role. Does his best to fulfill whatever orders he receives; takes commands very seriously, especially when they come from his Master. Far more gentle than his size and stoic face would suggest.

Fal

Though he still has high expectations of himself, he’s far more willing to take his own needs into account. Eager to be of use and make the most of his capabilities, and often pushes himself too far to please others. Much more relaxed and open, though he’s still polite and deeply respectful. Has a close relationship with F and tries to help him succeed.

Kirsch

Needy, attention-seeking, and as much of a brat as ever, but in a very different way. He’s only experienced the first steps of the abuse that would follow, so he doesn’t yet see sex as love. Mischievous without being sadistic, and without his usual vicious envy. Wants his Master’s love desperately, but in the form of cuddles and praise instead of being used.

Hokusai

As hyperactive, upbeat, and energetic as ever, but without the scattered thinking and impulsive decision-making. Incessantly cheerful and excited to be of as much use as possible. Still has his blood/red phobia, but to a far lesser and more manageable extent. Eagerly hopeful for his Master’s attention and wants to earn it in whatever way he can.

Love1

Since his gun is a faulty mess, he’s been afraid and in pain from the beginning. Far more panicky and plain because he lives in fear of his flaws being noticed. Lacks his usual faked persona and persistent sense of humor, but also doesn’t yet have the reflex to hide his needs with a Master who’s kind to him. Clings to Like2 as a “protector”.

Like2

Open about how badly he wants to be spoiled and loved. Seeks comfort and nice things in whatever way he can, and melts into any affection. Desperately wants to make himself pretty and sweet and worth being loved, but without his usual method of doing that. Cries more easily and often and admits when he’s uncomfortable or in pain.

Mauser

Sweet and eager to be of service however he can. Instead of being stoic and aggressive, he’s openly adoring of his Master and almost prefers being a lap dog over being a bodyguard. Always trying to cling to his Master’s arm or hold their hand. Responsive to praise and any kind of attention, with a precious smile whenever he’s treated kindly.

Parume

Instead of keeping up a cutesy, well-behaved front, he’s openly and happily an eager little menace who enjoys causing mischief at every chance he gets. Smug and somewhat cocky, but turns into an eager, adoring mess when with his Master. Far more trusting, without the same fear of people knowing his true self. Loves attention and feeling spoiled.

Muku

He’s still kind of not okay— in the sense that he has serious issues with emotional processing and disturbing responses to violence—, but he hasn’t reached the point of believing he deserves nothing but suffering and pain. Desperately wants kindness and affection, with no idea how to get it. Immature, mentally distant, and highly naive.

Marks

Though his personality is mostly unchanged, he’s somehow even more annoying. With no experience telling him that he can’t be near his Master constantly, he’s unbearably clingy and embarrassingly eager to please. A little less viciously protective, since he’s not yet fully aware of how many threats there are in the world. Pathetically naive.

Like Two

Lacks his usual abrasive, hot-tempered persona. Though he’s still pretty tsun, it’s more of the flustered, vaguely in denial type than the angry type. More willing to admit to his feelings, especially when he’s upset or in pain. Presents himself more femininely and isn’t as desperate to hide the things he likes. Openly needy, especially when he’s stressed.

Herme

Deeply afraid of making mistakes because of his status as a near-perfect gun. He hasn’t convinced himself he’s a lump of iron yet, so he has no mental barrier to make him think he’s flawless. He’s still calm, polite, and highly functional, but he lacks his usual ego and has very little ability to completely conceal his emotional responses. Desperate to be “good enough”.

Arisaka

Quiet and spacey, but not fully dissociating. His awful memories of his past as a weapon aren’t quite so all-consuming. Enjoys people-watching and trying to connect with others despite being terribly awkward and stiff. Clings to people who offer comfort even though he feels guilty for it. Not completely accustomed to violence and pain yet.

Springfield

His body is still weak and sickly, but the damage is nowhere near as far along. With some lingering hope of being useful to his Master, his self-esteem is slightly better. More outgoing and not as self-conscious, and eager to find ways to make even his fragile self worthwhile. Still tries to hide what’s “wrong” with him, but opens up more easily.

Siegblut

Eager to prove himself as useful and capable, without the tough-guy act to hide that. Proud of himself and his work, yet still highly responsive to praise. He willingly shows his “housewife” behavior in the hopes his skills will be recognized and admired. Nervous about if he’ll be stuck in his brother’s shadow, but lacks the assertiveness to stand up for himself.

Gras

Desperate for affection and recognition, but with no ability to control his distress when he’s rejected or disliked. Lacks his usual coping methods of violence and sex, so he’s prone to awful meltdowns instead. Highly needy and emotional, and still prone to vicious jealousy, but without the unpleasant walls to keep his surprisingly sensitive heart guarded.

Murata

Proud and proper, but far less distrustful. Affectionate and highly protective toward his Master, similar to how he behaves around Arisaka. Much more comfortable with receiving affection and care, though it still flusters him quite a bit. Happy to be relied on. Not quite as quick to resort to violence (or attempted murder) despite his temper.

Hachikyu

Much less depressed and withdrawn, though he is still prone to self-consciousness and anxious moods. Tentatively willing to reach out to people and socialize, without so much of a fear of rejection. Easily attached to those who treat him kindly. While he’s still quiet and awkward, he’s not assuming everything in his life will stay awful and unhappy.

Benetta

While he’s still serious and fairly calm, his “little gun” side shows a lot more. He’s more openly clingy with his Master, willing to seek out attention and try to stay close to their side, but he’s also a little too eager to fulfill their orders. Quiet, somewhat dense, and still naive about a lot of the world; can easily be confused by new concepts and expectations.

Carcanore

Openly blunt, aggressive, and far less cheerful. He feels out of place and worries that his Master will view him poorly, and is self-conscious because of it. Highly uncomfortable with affection and kind treatment— both because he’s not used to it, and because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it. A little too willing to put his body in harm’s way if it’s of any use.

[livuvur]

Favorite Edwin moment? Either 03 or BH?

Oh god that's a hard one... Considering I love every moment the two of them are on screen together but I will try, (also note I'm not including the most well-known, iconic moments aka gun scene/proposal, etc.) Just to keep the variety a little, I'm gonna focus more on moments that I believe have very high significance to their relationship but simply don't get talked about nearly enough. (Not in particular order)

1. This moment, especially in the manga makes me very very soft, in the page before this one we see ed being all miserable by himself, he goes to call winry (who is also being all miserable by herself) and I really do love the approach of this moment as it is not Ed trying to comfort Winry after Hughes' death nor bringing up the topic at all, since he himself doesn't know what else he could say about it, on top of the fact that he feels responsible for what happened to him, instead, he just tries to make sure winry doesn't go without eating because it would do her no good, and attempts to leave, but then she just takes his hand and leads him into her room and his face as she does so is just so utterly adorable... I love how soft that panel is, and how despite Ed not being one to comfort her she is still non-verbally asking him to stay, because she needs him by her side in those moments, and his presence alone is enough, and then, despite how he had just eaten he still accepts the apple pie Winry made because she put so much of her heart and her effort into it. And once he sees the tears gathering in her eyes he is simply physically incapable of saying no to her.

2. I think I've talked about these panels before on here, something very interesting to me is how the first panel shows ed admitting he always saw Winry as someone so upbeat and cheerful, to the point it is easy for him to forget how much pain she's actually been internalizing the whole time, and then scolding himself for not understanding her feelings at all. And then you have Winry seeing right through Ed, saying she knows he is just trying hard to be tough (and that he is an idiot, *cough*). The thing is, Winry has seen Ed at his worst, she was there taking care of both him and Al when they had lost everything and Ed was struggling under the weight of his guilt and pain, she saw him crying and sobbing everyday, she even mentions that at nights he just couldn't stop moaning from the pain and fever automail caused him. And on the other hand, Ed had been thinking quite the opposite about Winry, because she was always there being a rock for both him and Al even after having lost her family herself, she was there, always smiling for them and supporting his every step with such strenght he couldn't even imagine she was simultaneously grieving as well. Ed always saw Winry's strenght, but she always knew his weakness all too well.

3. Self-explanatory, I'm a sucker for edwin parallels: she thinks of him while she's dying, he thinks of her while he is fighting to stay alive. They are obsessed with each other, next one.

4. THIS MOMENT, GOD. “seeing it made me realize I couldn't go home”, “I want to be able to help you, so your road's not so hard” this whole scene is just so overlooked it hurts, cause it just goes to show Winry's love and dedication to Ed, and how his determination and resolve inspire her own, she is always looking to improve in any ways she can to help him, Ed literally is able to walk and to continue his journey because of her, (and he reminds it to her in one of her darkest moments) and I just think it's amazing how they're both always challenging each other under different circumstances, this is just one of them, with Winry declaring she is gonna push herself to be the fucking best she can so she can be there for him. (Also his sudden self-awareness and blush when he realizes he is staring at her smile... *blows them up with dynamite*)

5. Again, self-explanatory. Absolutely fucking love some good male rage when his boo is threatened, Bradley didn't even have to lay a finger on her and this guy was ready to strangle him right there. (Also Olivier's entire speech in BH saying Ed's eyes were “desperate” and of “a boy who would do anything to protect the things he loves” when he refused to tell her anything about the homunculi because Winry was a hostage, even tho he knew Olivier could have chopped him in little pieces just because of that. <3

6.

Damn apparently I can't add more images lmao but basically this whole thing they unspokenly have going on where they give each other an item that belongs to the other so they keep it as a reassurance/promise they will see each other again: Ed giving winry his red coat after the gun scene, Winry giving Ed her earrings and asking him to keep them safe for her, and even in their very last scene, Winry keeping Ed's white hoodie, the one he wore when he came back home to her. Just. They are so. Yeah.

Believe me I have many more I could go on for hours, I wanted to include some 03 moments too, but it's 1 am and I need sleep so yeah (also forgive any grammar/spelling mistakes on this I really do need to 💤)

thank you for the ask !

[echotrinityme]

See You Again Chapter 5: Numb The Pain Away

Rupert is having a tough time after he was discharged from the Government. He's been spending all his time at the bar and is bitter, angry, and sad. 

Warning: Alcohol abuse and just alcohol use in general. Don't do what Rupert is doing in this chapter... EVER! Alcohol is bad for your liver and mental health. Drink responsibly and when you're old enough. 

Rupert drowned another shot of vodka and put the shot glass down. 

Rupert put a hand on his forehead as he thought about what happened these past few days.

He murdered Henry, lost his status as a captain, and lost everyone that he cared about. Rupert sighed as he felt his heart shrivel up and struggle to keep beating.  He felt hot liquid streaming down his face, started shaking, and started sniffling.

He didn't know what to do.

After he was discharged, he returned to his apartment to devise a plan. 

His mental health was getting worse.

His depression was making him drink and have nightmares, it doesn't help that little voice in his head has been telling him he's worthless, scummy, an idiot, he's a bad person, etc. He tried to ignore it but the voice kept getting louder and louder. 

"It's not fair..." Rupert muttered to himself, "It's not fair,"

The bartender gave him another shot as he left him alone, the bartender tend to the other patrons. Rupert drank the alcohol as two people walked in. 

Drake Camper and Josh Taylor wanted to have a drink before Quentin finds them and lecture them for being idiots. Drake noticed Rupert was drinking and brooding, he tapped Josh's shoulders and Josh glanced where Drake was looking at. 

"What's he doing here?" Josh questioned incredulously.

"Drinking," Drake stated the obvious.

"Can't blame him, I mean if I murder someone, I would drink heavily too,"

"C'mon, let's try to cheer him up!"

Drake and Josh quietly went over to Rupert who was silently sobbing. Rupert was too busy wallowing in misery that he didn't notice the presence of Drake and Josh. Rupert heard someone ordering a fruity drink and sat down next to him. He heard another voice and heard someone sitting down next to him.

"Hey, Rupert!"

Rupert looked to his side to see Drake Camper smiling at him and holding a fruity drink, he looked to his other side and saw Josh Taylor holding a drink. 

Great.

The two idiots who always get drunk are here and they are here to bother him.

"What do you two want?" Rupert croaked, "Can't you see I'm drinking,"

"We just want to cheer you up," Josh responded.

"How?"

"By drinking with you of course!" Drake answered with such enthusiasm.

Rupert didn't want company and he was wondering why Drake and Josh wanted to cheer him up considering he had done something horrible to Henry. However... he's been feeling rather lonely ever since Henry's murder. 

Rupert contemplated saying no to them but they'd already made themselves at home. Rupert was too depressed to tell Drake and Josh to fuck off. Josh was telling Rupert and Drake a funny story. Well, Drake was listening while Rupert was just brooding, but he was glad he has company on the inside. 

"I am in misery

there ain't nobody who can comfort me (Oh Yeah),"

Rupert growled under his breath as he heard a song that greatly described his situation that was playing in the bar. Rupert took another drink of his alcohol as Josh was about to tell an embarrassing story about Drake and Drake didn't like it so he shut Josh up by putting a chicken wing in his mouth. Rupert would have laughed but he's not in a laughing mood. 

"So I was saying to Jose," Josh talked to Drake and Rupert, Rupert felt a little better since the duo didn't mention Henry's death or his termination from the Government which he is thankful for.

Rupert was about to join the conversation when the bar's doors opened.

"What are two idiots doing!?"

Drake, Josh, and Rupert turn to the source of the voice, they saw Quentin Alabaster glaring at them. However, Rupert wasn't sure if he was glaring at him or Drake and Josh. Drake and Josh immediately jumped from Quentin's glare. They knew an angry Quentin when they see one. 

"Don't you guys have any better to do than to drink and bother someone?" Quentin questioned.

Drake and Josh shook their head while Quentin sighed, Quentin knew the duo was trying to help Rupert after he murdered Henry but... Rupert should be left alone. Quentin came up to them and grabbed Drake and Josh by their coats like they were kids that got caught doing something bad. 

"C'mon, you guys have work to do," Quentin said as he led the boys away from Rupert and they headed out the door. Quentin stopped at the door and saw Rupert who looked sad again. Quentin gave Rupert a pity look and he left. Rupert was now alone. Rupert sighed heavily as he felt the weight of the inebriation of the alcohol seep in. He closed his eyes, he needed more alcohol but his mind told him he has nothing to live for so he can damage his liver.

"Oi, got any stronger than vodka?" Rupert slurred at the bartender.

"We got absinthe, sir," replied the bartender in a concerned tone.

"Bring me it,"

"Don't you think you had enough alcohol?"   

"NO!" Rupert roared, startling the bartender and the patrons in the bar. Rupert slammed his fist down the bar table and his eyes were red. "GIVE ME THE ABSINTHE!" Rupert bellowed.

"I don't pay myself enough for this job..." the bartender thought as he got the absinthe and a shot glass for Rupert. He gently set the alcohol down and left Rupert alone. Rupert drank the shot glass but he needs more to numb the pain he was feeling, he took the bottle and drank out of the bottle.

The patrons and the bartender watched him with shocked and concerned looks, they were wondering if they should confront him about his drinking habits but on the other hand... they don't want to invoke his wrath. Rupert drank half the bottle as he stopped, he slammed the bottle down as he swayed a little. His face started to turn green and he quickly ran out of the bar. He vomited onto the grass while everyone cringed and winced, the bartender took out a bottle of water and went outside. He cringed in disgust as he saw the vomit and Rupert stopped. Rupert was trembling as he felt like shit, the bartender slowly came up to him.

"Here," the bartender held out the water bottle, "Drink this... this will help you feel better,"

Rupert glanced at the bottle and took it, he drank the water slowly. He sighed in contentment as he felt a little better but still feel like shit. "Thanks..." Rupert muttered.

"You're welcome," the bartender responded gently.

"Sorry for the display..." Rupert apologized, "I... am going through something,"

"I know,"

Rupert avoided meeting the bartender's eyes, he cleared his throat. 

"I should be going now... put the alcohol on my tab..."

The bartender nodded as Rupert started walking away, Rupert slowly walked back to his apartment as he felt numb. As soon as he was inside his apartment, he passed out on his living room floor. The alcohol knocked him out and he slept peacefully for the first time since Henry's murder.

Rupert woke up with a killer headache.

He felt like something sucked everything but depression. He wanted to die, hit something, or just lay in bed forever. Rupert took a shower and made himself a hangover breakfast. After he was done eating, he sat down at his table and thought about what's he going to do next. Rupert closed his eyes as he took out his phone and went on the internet. 

Usually, he would talk to Charles but after what happened with Henry, Charles and several others have declared Rupert socially dead. Rupert searched for random things then he thought came into his head. He went to take out his laptop and went online. He typed into a search bar and found what he was looking for. He got up and went to his bedroom, he got out two suitcases and started packing. 

Once he was packed, he wrote something on a piece of paper. 

He took one last look at his apartment, surveying the furniture and stuff he will be leaving behind. He let out a sigh of sadness as he left his apartment with his suitcases in tow. 

He headed to the airport and got on a plane. 

Where is he going?

[orphanheirs]

I'm coming for Tristan for the Pride ask game:

3, 8, 11

And then for you!

18 and 20!

If you still have feeling in your fingers after all that typing, I'll never turn down a 21.

Omg thank you!! 🤩

3) How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

Hmm I don't have a specific Moment in mind for him to realize he was different, at least not yet; I might come up with something. But I would say he knew from a very young age. He was enamored by the fashions his mother wore; her hair, her jewelry, the perfumes wafting off of her. Before he could even read fashion periodicals he pored over the fashion plates depicting the latest modes from Paris. When he was very young and perhaps didn't fully understand that these things were forbidden to him, he tried on his sister's dresses (he has a sister who's close in age to him), but when this was discovered by adults he very quickly learned that this was not acceptable behavior. Nevertheless, the yearning to participate in this presentation never left him, although he learned to be more secretive about it. He would wait till the others were out and sneak into his sisters' rooms and try their cosmetics, attempt to dress his own hair, etc. (having observed his sisters at their toilette extensively). He developed crushes on boys quite early on, as well--family friends, schoolmates of his brothers, servants. I don't know that he recognized the crushes as such early on, but I think by the time he's 12 he's made the connection that the feelings he's having are romantic in nature.

8) Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

Yeah. :( I'm setting my story in a historically accurate regency/late Georgian period, so culturally there's little to no outward acceptance of queer people. Any affinity he showed towards feminine things or attraction to boys in his home life got such a swift and harsh reaction from the adults around him that he understands this quite well despite his isolation from the greater world. He may have overheard adults gossiping in hushed tones about some person or other being exposed for "unnatural" behavior. He may have heard of such persons being sent to the pillory or even hung. Because of this, he unfortunately internalized that this is something that's "wrong" with him, and part of why he's "bad".

11) Is your oc open about their identity? Are they more lowkey or more blunt about it? Why or why not?

When he lived with his family, he was necessarily more clandestine about it, although he still engaged in eccentric gender nonconforming behaviors to whatever extent he could feasibly get away with. Once he's run away from home he takes full advantage of his new freedom and soon experiments with incorporating elements of feminine dress into his outfits, sometimes subtly, sometimes not so much. This is mostly done in situations where he's either by himself or in the company of non-humans. Eventually he wears full dresses /complete feminine outfits as well, and sometimes does so in public, simply going about his business as a girl. I'd say Tristan is lowkey open about it lol. He doesn't necessarily talk about it or acknowledge it, he kinda just does his thing. As I mentioned above, he thinks these behaviors are part and parcel of what makes him dark and twisted and evil and all the things he thinks he is (for other reasons as well). But he also thinks this is fundamentally who he is, and, since in other realms of life he strives to be utterly himself and fly in the face of convention, this aspect of himself is included in that. He leans into his strangeness in response to the rejection and fear he dealt with growing up. If he owns it and fulfills and exceeds the expectation for him to be "scary" or "weird" then the power is in his hands. In his diary he writes "I want to be the wickedest boy in the whole world!" and what wickeder thing can a boy do than not be a boy at all?

18) Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

I'm likely not giving Tristan a specific label in-story due to the time period. Our modern labels didn't exist at the time (or most of them at any rate), and the very concept of a person having a sexual or gender identity didn't even fully exist yet. The word "homosexual" hadn't even been coined yet (and wouldn't for another 50+ years). I'm pretty sure the behaviors a person engaged in had more emphasis, and the idea that these behaviors reflected a certain type of person was still developing. I'm not sure what Tristan would call himself if he was a modern character--only thing I'm sure of at this time is he's not cis. I'm just calling him queer for now. I think Tristan's still figuring it out himself over the course of the story, but if pressed he might call himself something like "part-woman" (part-girl as it were..).

20) Have your ocs helped you in self-discovery? How?

Well when I originally made Tristan up when I was 14 in the year of our lord 2007 I was a queer goth girl outcast terrified of anyone finding out I was secretly dating another girl so. I think I was subconsciously working through some things. Lol. Tristan's original incarnation was also unabashedly, defiantly himself, something I probably wished I could be. We liked a lot of the same things, still do. I grew up with him rolling around in my head and I like to think we influenced each other. Thinking of him now I feel such a strong affection because I see my younger self in him. I also think we're both similar flavors of feminine-in-a-queer-way.

21) Free ramble card wee

I guess I'll make a note about pronouns here..I'm using he/him for Tristan for now, as that's how he's referred to in-story in my writing so far. That may change as I develop more. Again, idk how he'd prefer things if he had the entire framework of modern labels at his disposal. I don't think he'd have a concept of they/them. It may be that by the end of the story he switches to she/her. We'll see. But yeah, in case you were wondering why I'm calling a not-boy character he/him..

[002yb]

Current thoughts: the titans 2018 tv show understandably has to deviate from dc’s messy comic timelines for coherency - and thus the need to rewrite a major part of everybody's origins- but i wanna see what would happen if everything was comic adjacent timeline wise - other then the titan's timeline. I.e. dick and Jason meet far before, Nightwing being far more established when the titans come together again and how this affects the narrative.

Basically established relationship dickjay but they don't really recognize it as anything relationship-wise (platonically or romantically), they just have this notion of “hes mine - im his” so it comes naturally. Their natural functional codependency and how Jason’s death leads to far more drastic reactions. (Because Dick Grayon hallucinated Jason for a while - just to talk to him, keep him sane, just to have his little wing back for a minute. Because Dick Grayson beat the joker to death for uttering Jason's name.)

Unironically this started because pre-crisis red-head Jason is very dear to me and he had to dye his hair to emulate dick, but I also need people to dip into the potential of him having to wear mascara and other makeup to hide other features. Just a scene of Dick watching him in the mornings, red roots and freckled face stumbling about - purely Jason - before he hides himself from the world. Maybe Dick is a bit mournful that he has to go through this length, maybe he's humored at the sight of Jason struggling with mascara so early in the morning, maybe he gets a lick of possessiveness at the fact that nobody will see Jason the way he can. And then it expanded to (everything else). (And maybe after it all he has the fleeting thought of how pretty he is in his mind, and if Jason is strangely flushed under his stare he doesn't comment.)



Also : @coffeestainsonpaper - nothing posted yet though…but there are plans i promise :,,)

Oh~ pre-established dickjay with a loosely defined, companionable relationship? Sign me up, this sounds lovely. Especially with this being their starting point! Having zero context to explain their closeness and the intimacy they share, leaving everyone to sum it up to being a 'Robin' thing, lol. This is a really cute and sweet concept, for real.

Sort of related but kind of not, but like - an AU where Dick finds his own replacement (Jason). No animosity, no drama, no angst (in the sense of jealousy or insecurity or inconsideration). Because Dick recognizes that he's outgrowing this mantle and identity he's created; it's something he sits with and stresses over for some time. Resentment growing only because he feels stifled, obligated to care for one city (Gotham), one person (Batman). It makes him feel cagey, clipped. Even still, he's resigned because discipline is in his blood, but duty was beaten into him after a decade long career of vigilantism.

And Dick just sort of spirals, losing sight of what it is Robin means to him - what it should be to this city. How he can change, adapt, grow within a cage.

And it's not that Dick passes the responsibility to Jason so that Dick can get gone - he would recognize that Jason is different. He's like Bruce (with that close relationship to Gotham), only more (because Bruce was hurt by Gotham; Jason was born from it). Jason cares for and understands the city, it's community. He knows how it works in a different way than Bruce. Jason wants and tries to help (via crime to help himself, a growing community of transients, working girls, streetkids, etc). Jason stands up for those in need although he's a runt, less than a hundred pounds soaking wet - a firecracker, steeled and gritty and wonderful.

There's something hopeful about Jason, though Dick doesn't doubt that the kid will get himself killed with how he throws himself into fights he can't win.

Which leads to Robin being a bit of a guardian angel with looking out for him.

And like. Takes of Jason being prickly at that sort of attention is cool and all, but what if he was just a sweetheart lol. Just very !! at Robin coming to defend him because guess what? Robin has been his hero for so long. An inspiration. A hope that people like Jason can be safe and protected and cared for.

Needless to say, Dick comes to love him. Quietly. With so much affection.

Jason is kind and caring and compassionate. He's tough and scrappy and resilient - always standing up after getting knocked down, always trying again and again -

Of course Jason was going to be Dick's legacy.

And uh. Yes. So much digressing here LOL. But basically Dick and Jason having a good relationship before Dick leaves Gotham and even after. Jason is Dick's Robin, after all. So they stay close. And when Dick calls, Jason comes. And it's easy between them; they're fond of each other and happy because at the core of their relationship - they see hope in one another.

Hm. Another digression mid paragraph?? Idk where the thoughts are anymore but hahaha love your idea of pre-established nightwing/robin!!

As for red-head Jason with the makeup - that could be fun! Anything with Dick quietly admiring Jason and contemplating him while also potentially being all possessive over what people do and don't see of Jason I'm all sorts of down for hahaha. Possessive!Dick is top tier.

I feel like a lot of people (I've only talked to like, two people ever so maybe not LOLOL) like red-head Jason, so potentially a hot take, but~ I'm fond of dark haired Jason because like. The comedic potential of someone asking Dick if he's attracted to Jason because Jason looks vaguely similar to him is so fucking funny to me ahahahahaha.

Sorry this took so long to reply to, anon. Life is a time. ;U;

edit: hello, hello all the best with the tumbling @coffeestainsonpaper ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯I forgot to reply to this portion of the ask whoops I hope I was the first follow though LOL

[kasaneteto]

sorry i simply must complain for a moment

ive been complaining about my roommate too much on instagram so im doing it here instead 🖕 fuck you

MOTHERFUCKER CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF!!!! tell me why this man is turning 26 NEXT WEEK and can’t remember to pay me back for the bills. won’t do any chores unless he’s asked to or HE has friends coming over. i literally feel like im living with a teenager.

i’ve recently realized just how much ive coddled him and made excuses for him because of his mental health struggles and the way his parents treated him his whole life. ive also realized that its entirely up to him to recognize that his mental health struggles & trauma are HIS problems to deal with and i shouldnt have to temper my expectations because of that. i can only tell him he needs therapy so many times before it’ll just go in one ear and out the other like every other thing i say to him. he is so incapable of any kind of self-reflection or self-awareness, has no concept of how his actions might affect others, can’t make any compromises without throwing a fucking tantrum about it. it’s exhausting. he requires so much attention and validation in order to be happy. being in the same room is like an invitation to talk to him. AND HE SAYS THE SAME SHIT. its like ive exhausted all dialogue options. he always makes the same stupid jokes that are just *goofy or purposefully obnoxious comment about what im doing* and i DONT have the energy to entertain that shit every day. but it RUINS his mood if you dont partake in his humor and then he just sulks. he cannot be serious. everything is jokey goofy fun time. when finn and i told him she’s trans & that we broke up his response was just to stare at us like a deer in headlights and go “oh. okay. sorry thats just a lot to process” which is like. just such a perfect prime example of how he cannot handle anything serious or heavy. when he got cheated on he was inconsolable and would not leave finn and i alone (and we wanted to help!!! we care about him!!!) he literally would follow us to our room and we would have to ask him for alone time!!!! he’s like a baby!!!! he’s so deadset on finding a new partner and i just wanna scream in his face NO RELATIONSHIP YOURE IN WILL EVER WORK IUT UNTIL YOU WORK ON YOURSELF AND UNPACK YOUR TRAUMA!!!!!!

he always uses money as an excuse like “ohhh i cant afford it” motherfucker. you can’t afford anything that isnt something you want. so you cant afford to pay me bills on time but you can afford a new monitor for cyber monday? you can’t afford therapy but you can afford to get a shitty fake christmas tree because THATS what’s important to you? he lives so fucking hedonistically and acts like he lives paycheck to paycheck when he makes 22 DOLLARS AN HOUR. MOTHERFUCKER YOU MAKE MORE THAN ME. YOU CAN FUCKING AFFORD IT YOU JUST DONT BUDGET OR SAVE AT ALL.

ok sorry i had to get that shit out because im so frustrated with him. i had a party the other night and he just sulked around until his friends came, hung out with them and only them the whole time, then continued to sulk and complain once they left. then sat around scrolling on his phone while my friends helped me clean everything up. my friends who actually are responsible and arent just in their own world with no consideration for others.

its not like he’s a bad person or even a bad friend because he truly isn’t. he’s just so emotionally immature and does not have the strength to look inward & realize that he is the source of most of his unhappiness in his life currently. its really hard to live around given the stage of my life im currently in.

i wish i could tell him all of this to be honest but hes so fucking sensitive. i HAVE tried to talk to him about a lot of these issues too (him needing to he asked to do chores, not paying me back etc) and its always the same thing. he gets better for a couple months but it quickly goes back to how it was before. im just like so done acting like his problems are mine. done asking him for favors. i hate that living with him has made me lose so much respect for him (he has no moral backbone) because like. i can see that he wants to be better. he just isnt strong enough to admit that hes the problem in his life right now. anyways. thanks for reading this if you did lol

[scottxlogan]

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

First of all thank you very much for sending this! It means a lot that you brought this my way! With my works there's a lot of passion that goes into them and I love each one for so many different reasons as once inspiration hits I get caught up in so many ideas and just get lost in them for days/months/etc. That being said I'm going to try to narrow it down to those stories that really stand out to me for reasons that really touch something deep inside of me in their creation. Again, I love them all for the most part, but these few are special for a lot of different reasons:

Damaged (pairing Scott/Logan, Rating E) Logan’s been behaving different lately and no one seems to notice it except for Scott. As Scott finds himself contemplating his colleague’s strange behavior, he finds that the mystery Logan presents turns into an obsession for him. Scott’s convinced something has changed, but when no one else seems to pay attention to Logan’s new habits, Scott takes it upon himself to discover just what has brought about the change in his teammate. Will Scott’s obsession lead to happy endings for these two or more misery down the road as this new world unfolds? This story is special to me in particular because I started it during the pandemic at a time when I was locked away from the world and stuck in this place where my only choice was to lose myself to my writing and explore a darker world that could be after Days of Future Past. This story is a long (and incomplete for now) one, but there's so much here that I would encourage any Scott/Logan fan to check it out. There's so much in it that really helped me grow and evolve in writing and there's been a lot of positive response to it. Under Your Spell (pairing Scott/Logan, Rating E)  While on a mission Logan’s deviation from the objective takes him down a surprising path when he finds himself suddenly overtaken with thoughts of Scott Summers. To this day this one remains a favorite of mine because it was a challenge someone gave me and it was fun, romantic, silly and serious all at once. It's a story that brought Scott/Logan full circle and really challenged me to try something different but man was it fun. I'll always love this story for that.

End of the Line  (pairing Bucky/Tony, Rating E) After an unforeseen disaster shakes up the city and turns Tony Stark’s world upside-down, he steps away from his old life to retreat to isolation. Hiding in the shadows of a city struggling with the aftermath of disaster, Tony crosses paths with a sexy stranger who turns his world around in ways he never knew he wanted or needed in his life.

I wrote this story for a MRBB (marvel reverse big bang) when a piece of art inspired something that I'd never tried before. To this day End of the Line is the BIGGEST story I have ever written and it was in the journey I took writing this that I fell in love with the WinterIron pairing. There have been a lot of ups and downs along the road to being a fan of this duo and along the way I learned a lot about myself as a person and an author. This pairing to me just oozes with so many opportunities for second chances and happiness to be found after a life of misery. I just love them together and this story paved the way to my attachment to them. I'm so blessed/happy that this bang happened because it sparked something in me that I feared was lost a long time ago. Writing WinterIron inspired me and changed my life for the better and I owe it all to this story and the talented artist that i was paired with. Home Again (Bucky/Tony, Rating M) Bucky returns from a grueling mission to his new best friend Alpine. He begins pondering the path he’s been on after facing the reality that some wounds can never truly be healed. In the height of his exhaustion, Bucky comes face to face with the last person that he ever anticipated seeing again in this lifetime or any other. When one of his biggest regrets manifests before him in impossible ways, will Bucky find the strength to make up for the mistakes of the past and find something even more profound along the way? Words cannot express how much I LOVE writing this story. That's probably a part of why it's been a minute since its last update because I want it to be something perfect when readers sit down to take a look at. This journey Bucky and Tony are on together is about second chances, finding your soulmate in a more traditional sense and love overcoming some pretty incredible odds. It's about healing and redemption and second chances and there's so much within this that as I get closer to the end it's hard for me to let go because it means so much. I know that I don't necessarily write WinterIron the way that so many other talented authors do, but this story...this one hits a bunch of checkmarks for me and I hope it does for readers too. I'm very proud of this work and I hope that people feel for it in the ways that I have come to in writing it! There are so many other stories that mean so much but off hand without bombarding everyone with too many those stand out. If anyone is bored and wants to delve into some of my works, I would recommend those as each one has touched me in a personal way through the years and they are so very special in their own way. Again thanks for this message and reminding me again why I love writing. Sometimes in the silence of fandom it's hard to remember why I do this and what matters. In a world where there's so much drama and tension this is a bright spot in my life and writing offers a freedom seldom found in other places. These stories reflect that and I hope if I can bring any joy to others with them then my goal is complete. Thanks again for the ask!

[justabookworm39]

Price of Knowledge (Whumpay fanfic)

@whumpay Day 4: Gore

Inscryption,  Luke Carder-centric

Warnings: EYE TRAUMA HOLY SHIT. Eye trauma, gross sensory stuff relating to eye trauma (bone scraping and squishy stuff, etc.), torture, sensory overload (mainly that Thing where you’re in so much pain you can’t talk or think), non-graphic vomiting at the end. Also spoilers for the main game of Inscryption.

Notes: The uh. Eyeball sequence in Act 1. That’s all I have to say.

(I haven’t started Kaycee’s Mod yet so don’t spoiler it I swear to god-)

---

Everything went red.

His body curled in around itself, as if trying to get away from the pain. He wasn’t even able to scream, just barely able to force himself to breathe. The smell of copper flooded his nose, the stream barely touching the side of his mouth and a few tiny disgusting drops crossing his lips. The hand clenching the knife trembled, and he faintly heard something hit the floor with a wet *plop*.

“Good.” The phantom shape of a person stood on the other side of the table, speaking to him with a calm and airy voice. “Now the other one.”

“…What?” He struggled to lift his head, could barely make his eye focus in the darkness.

“The other eye.”

For a long moment, he just stared up at her, trying to form a coherent response, or even a coherent thought, through the pain. This wasn’t right, he shouldn’t need to– where was he even, this wasn’t the cabin, what was going on–

“Mr. Carder, please don’t make this difficult.”

Something about hearing his own name jolted him awake, and he knew he wasn’t just trapped in the game, this was something else. The knife fell from his grip, clattering against the table. That seemed to draw her focus.

As it did, he swiped his hand, throwing the knife aside and forcing himself to his feet as fast as he could, even as it made his head spin. He stumbled backwards a step and a half before a hand grabbed at his scalp, nails digging into skin. Glaring at the figure leaning over the table, he just barely spat out, “Go fuck y–”

The side of his head slammed into the table, rattling the empty socket and making him bite his tongue. No matter how he pushed against the tabletop, he couldn’t pry himself from under her grip as she lifted the knife–it looked to be the same knife, which made no sense because she never bent down to get it–

It hurt so much worse the second time.

The first time, it hadn’t felt real. It had felt like when he’d gotten his wisdom teeth removed, where it was just the shifting movement and the pressure but none of the pain. The pain hadn’t kicked in until it was over, and at that point it was a simple all-encompassing pain.

This wasn’t like that.

He felt the blade being shoved past the skin and bone at the edge of his eye, scratching against the inside of his skull. It cut the eyeball itself as it did, slicing into the soft tissue by complete accident and sending another trickle of blood down his nose.

He felt the pressure as the knife made its way to the back and was pushed, attempting to pry the eyeball from the socket. The hand on the top of his head pressed down, holding his skull as still as it could.

(And again, he couldn’t scream. He could just gasp and whimper, one hand briefly clawing at the arm of his attacker and trying to throw it off of him.)

He felt the tugging. He hadn’t even noticed the nerve the first time, but he did now, felt the last thing connecting his eye and his face being pulled taut. The pressure on the eye and his head let up, but only long enough for a hand to reach for his face and–

He felt a slight squeeze on his eyeball. He felt the briefest cutting sensation.

His body was carelessly tossed to the floor. He let out a tiny yelp of pain, hands instinctively reaching to cover and protect the open sockets. The mix of blood and jelly-like fluid smeared on his palms, and his head being forced sideways meant that it now coated two-thirds of his face. Every time he tried to scream his throat seemed to close up, what little noise he made probably going unheard by the figure standing over him.

“Let that serve as a lesson.” Another *plop*, this one right next to his head, and he recoiled away from it. It was followed by the sound of metal hitting the floor, probably a few feet away. “Don’t go looking where you’re told not to.”

---

The feeling of cold metal on his forehead did little to ground him.

Luke heaved again, but nothing came out this time. His arms trembled as he braced himself against the bathroom counter, and he’d resorted to resting his head against the running faucet. He hadn’t been sleeping well for a few nights, and he didn’t really have waking up from a nightmare needing to puke in him.

One hand traveled up his face, gently pressing at the dark bag under his eye. He could still feel the curve of something round beneath the skin, something resisting the light pressure he put on it. It was still there. Not that he should’ve needed to check, it should’ve been pretty damn obvious if it was gone. But instinct was instinct, he supposed.

He really needed to quit digging into that game. It seemed to be messing with his head.

Luke finally raised his head and saw his own half-asleep reflection. He stared at it for a while, holding his breath. Then, he slammed one hand on the counter and screamed.

He screamed the way he’d tried to in the nightmare. He screamed to let out the stress of the past several days, of countless rabbit holes and dead ends. He screamed for everything that sat in his chest, every minor annoyance at his day job and every loose shred of grief that you could argue led him to this point.

When he was done–when it finally died in his chest–he slammed his hand against the counter a second time, sucking in a deep breath. “Fuck… fuck.” He gagged, and he doubled over the sink again as he spat up a mouthful of bile. A cough rattled his chest, and he wiped his forehead.

He’d revisit this again in the morning. Maybe he’d throw that game out, maybe he’d decide that whatever this was would just continue until he reached the end. But for now, he needed to sleep.

[silverwhittlingknife]

Dick's struggle with anger (with bonus Tim and Jason)

Dick: But as the truth sank in, I felt a rage growing so great inside me that it felt like I was just a part of the anger, instead of it being part of me. - Secret Origins 13 (kudos to this post)

I love this quote because it's so characteristic: introspective, self-aware, and struggling with being overwhelmed by anger? Dick Grayson all over.

Dick's struggle with anger - and more broadly, his struggle with the strength of his own emotions - is a huge part of his character in the post-Crisis era, especially the early 90s. AFAIK this trait mostly disappeared in the new 52, and I miss it!

So this is a meandering post to spotlight 1) some of post-Crisis Dick's analyses of his own anger, and 2) why I feel like his struggle with his temper was sympathetic and compelling and added depth to his character.

Below the cut, panels from New Titans, Nightwing, BftC, and Batman and Robin and the things that I like about them (with bonus thoughts on how Dick's attitude toward anger compares to Tim's and Jason's):

Dick's anger in New Titans & Nightwing

Okay, so first, I think it's important to remember whenever you're talking about with a character with a temper - Dick doesn't randomly get angry. There's always a reason.

For Dick, anger is part of a powerful emotional response, not a state of being. He lashes out when his loved ones are in danger, or when his feelings are hurt, or when he's feeling guilty and pushing people away, etc. He doesn't just, I dunno, sit around in front of the TV being angry.

Dick's conflicted relationship with his own anger is developed most extensively in New Titans. Here's Dick losing his temper when the Wildebeest Society threatens the lives of the other Titans, paired with his retrospective narration analyzing the moment:

Dick: "You lousy sons - of - bi - I'LL KILL YOU!" I snapped. I tried to be calm, I tried to stay focused - but I couldn't. All I wanted was to rip off his stinking helmet and his head with it. (New Titans 75)

When Dick's mad at himself, he often contrasts himself to Batman. For Dick, Bruce is the calm, dispassionate one, while Dick's driven by strong emotion:

Dick: I...I'm sorry...I'm sorry. I know this isn't your fault. Here I'm attacking you - and you're probably just as scared as I am. I just feel so frustrated. Batman could always remain calm in a crisis. I guess that's just another difference between us. Maybe I'd be better off if I just cut myself off from all feeling like he does. (New Titans 77)

Dick contrasts himself with Batman again here:

Dick: I - I - ahh, dammit. How the hell do people like you and Bruce keep it bottled up inside you? Don't you ever have to cut loose? To let go? If I didn't...I think I'd explode. (New Titans 86)

Dick's "I can't bottle things up the way Bruce does" self-image isn't just in New Titans. It also carries over to his first starring role - in Prodigal as Batman to Tim's Robin.

Here, Dick's struggling not with anger but with agonizing self-blame and guilt - he and Tim have this exchange when he's blaming himself for Two-Face's murders and Tim's trying to reassure him:

Dick: Nearly a dozen dead already and it's just starting. What if I can't stay a step ahead of Dent? How many more are going to die because of me? Tim: You can't think of it like that. Dick: What other way is there to look at it? Two-Face makes the rules. If you don't understand what they are and you make a wrong guess then someone dies. No second chances. No time-outs. Tim: But if you put that kind of pressure on yourself you'll choke. We have to distance ourselves. Dick: The cold light of reason, huh? Distance. Maybe that's what made the real Batman what he is. I never got the hang of that.

Here's a similar, later conversation with Tim when Dick's mad at himself for losing control and trying to beat the Joker to death in Last Laugh. As in Prodigal, Tim's trying to reassure him:

Dick: I thought I was more in control than that. But I lost it. Tim: It was made right, Dick. The Joker is alive and not well in a maximum security cell. Dick: It's not right with me. I never thought I could be a killer. I'm wrong. There's a part of me I never saw before. The rage. I never felt anger like that. I feel like it clawed me up inside. Tim: It's a mistake to pull away like this. You should be with your family this time of year. (Post-Last Laugh: Nightwing 64)

I think it's worth remembering that the reason why this keeps coming up for Dick is because he values control. A character like, say, Lobo doesn't spend his time second-guessing his own anger or comparing himself to more reserved characters - Lobo just gleefully punches things!

By contrast, Dick's big dilemma is that he feels things really intensely - anger, love, guilt - but he thinks it's important to stay detached and controlled ... even though he usually feels like he can't do it or like he's failing at it.

Dick & Tim & anger (Prodigal, Nightwing)

One thing you'll notice about Dick and Tim's conversations above is that they have similar assumptions about "good" behavior: like Dick, Tim values control and distance.

Another similarity is their tendency toward introspection: Tim, too, lives in his head a lot and spends a ton of time analyzing his own behavior. Tim's self-castigating narration is less likely to be about anger - it's more often about his own distance from other people / holding back / keeping secrets / being too much like Bruce - but the inner-monologue-self-analysis is the same.

It's a subtle difference because they're pretty similar, but I also think Tim's a bit more likely to be analyzing himself even as he's doing whatever the problematic thing is, while Dick's more likely to analyze himself after the fact. Tim will sometimes do this sort of split-screen analysis where he's getting emotional but also overthinking his emotions and still obsessing about observing other people at the same time, like here:

Tim: Maybe this will do the trick. Some adrenaline to wash this sick feeling away. Dick’s watching me. Gauging my reactions. He’s not as judgmental as Bruce would be. But he’s keeping an eye on me.

The above is from Prodigal: Tim's frustrated because he had to give in to bullies to preserve his secret identity, Dick wonders if he’s hoping to work out his anger on patrol and Tim admits “I guess I am,” and then Tim spends patrol… kinda trying to work out his frustrations, but also simultaneously watching himself react and analyzing Dick watching him react.

OTOH, Dick's a bit more likely to get swept up in overpowering emotion, and then later calm down and start unsparingly analyzing his own behavior.

So for example, here's Dick upset with Bruce, losing his temper, impulsively punching something...and then immediately afterward cooling down, analyzing the rage and castigating himself for it:

Bruce is playing martyr. Keeping us at a distance. [...] Why does it have to be this way with us? WHY? Uncontrollable rage. The same rage I felt when I killed the Joker. Thought I had it under control. (Bruce Wayne: Murderer? : Nightwing 65)

(Dick and Tim also sometimes get uncomplicatedly mad when their friends are annoying them or when Bruce is being difficult, but this post is probably long enough. Anyway, though there are exceptions, in general, they're both people who prioritize control.)

Dick & Jason & anger (BftC, B&R)

By contrast, you won't see post-Crisis Jason having critical inner monologues about his own anger because Jason doesn't see righteous anger as bad. In UtRH, he thinks that Bruce can't have really cared about him because he didn't go after the Joker (tragically, unbeknownst to Jason, Bruce did lash out a lot after Jason's death - but Jason doesn't know this). For Jason, giving in to your emotions is a good thing.

This is IMO a factor in Jason's fights with Dick as well as with Bruce - Jason's constantly taunting Dick, trying to get him to lose control (and show what Jason sees as his more admirable/genuine angry side), while Dick's trying to stay controlled.

For example, here's Dick's inner monologue in their Battle for the Cowl fight:

Dick: Nothing Jason says can be taken for truth. He says Tim is dead. I'll need more proof than his word and an empty cowl. Because right now, I need to keep that hope alive. If for nothing else, then to keep me from losing control...and I won't let that happen. Can't let that happen. Can't.

And here's Jason's take on Dick from Batman and Robin 25:

Jason: Dick is different from Bruce. In the way he fights. In the way he thinks. And the way he feels. And he gets angry. Really angry. That anger, it'd make him a great Batman, if he'd let it. But he won't. He's trying too much to be like him. The good son. Man, I hate him.

I have some complaints about this arc, but I really love this voiceover because of the cool multiple-perspectives aspect. Here, Jason's describing Dick-and-his-anger (and Dick's attempts to be more controlled, like Bruce) in terms similar to how Dick thinks of himself. But where Dick sees his anger as a flaw to overcome, Jason sees it as a good quality that he resents Dick for repressing.

Something else I like: because Jason values righteous anger and thinks Dick should too, he assumes that Dick's only repressing his anger out of an attempt to impress Bruce - to be "the good son" - not realizing that Dick might value control on his own behalf. After all, Robin!Jason and Bruce argued about control, and Jason resented Bruce's restraint as being callous and uncaring in the face of injustice. So Jason's (understandably!) projecting his own relationship with Bruce onto Dick's relationship with Bruce.

But contra Jason's assumptions, even though Dick sometimes waxes in admiration of Bruce's calm... in practice, Dick's more likely to be the one insisting Bruce control himself, not the other way round. In Lonely Place of Dying (and the comics immediately prior to it), for example, the whole point of Dick and Tim's intervention is that Bruce is too emotional and needs to get himself under control.

So Jason isn't reading Dick quite correctly, but his analysis makes sense given his own experience and values.

Final thoughts on Dick

Let's pause to admire the consistency of Dick's characterization here, because the panels I've grabbed span two decades of post-Crisis comics!

1991-92: New Titans 75-86 1994-95: Prodigal 2001-02: Last Laugh (Nightwing 64) 2009: Battle for the Cowl 2011: Batman and Robin 25

A final note - for me, Dick's attitude toward his anger is as important a part of his characterization as the anger itself. It's true that you can find plenty of panels, especially in the early 90s days, where Dick's just unselfconsciously snappish - he's only human, and when he's under stress, sometimes he gets grumpy.

But there are also lots of panels like these ones where you can see that Dick's self-aware and actively fighting his anger - even when he's got every reason to be angry. And that struggle is all wrapped up in Dick's uneasy relationship with his own emotions. Dick cares a lot about control, which is why he's so hyperaware of the times when he loses it.

Look, I just think he's neat <3

[davestriderpostscratch]

Please talk more about your ideal epilogue. My ideal epilogue would have everyone sorta ficking around in an interdimentional style tone where they just kind of veiw alt universes and timelines like some entertaining reality show and also sollux is transfem. She's dating jade, aradia, and feferi who are dating terezi and nepeta in a sort of greater portland area transbian polycule situation.

MY ideal epilogue is this

jade leaves earth c to explore the dream bubbles, not content to be stuck in one place for eternity, and becomes sollux and aradia's third. she's always seeing new things and is never lonely

karkat becomes a public speaker and eventually a campaign manager when dave eventually runs for office; karkat himself refuses to have any sort of governmental position higher than city council but establishes himself as "the guy who knows a guy," so to speak. he's probably responsible for half the employments in the city he lives in just out of various referrals and recommendations he's made. he and aradia are intergalactic pen pals

jake and jane are partners in business but not in romance. jane agrees to merge their respective empires into the crockercorp-skaianet conglomeration, which is publically traded and centered on community service--trolls and carapaces are kind of weird about representative government, so the CS corp kind of takes the place of the legislature in terms of like. what people's tax dolars are going towards and stuff. jake is coming out of his shell a bit and makes a good check/balance for when jane gets too zealous, and jane's been good with making sure jake doesn't procrastinate or avoid his actual job. they do good work, surprisingly

rose and calliope take it upon themselves to compile a library of all surviving texts (mythological, scientific, governmental, etc) from the 5,000 year time skip period, which is an incredibly large and therefore perpetually ongoing project. jake helps them on the archaeological front but calliope especially has found her calling in archivism and anthropology and is having the time of her life

roxy and davepeta spend their time experiencing everything earthly life has to offer, soaking in everything roxy, dave and nepeta missed growing up--restaurants, dance classes, college, organized sports. roxy is very active in her community with stuff like municipal art projects and environmental efforts and enjoys the feeling of belonging somewhere. davepeta is less tied down to one place but takes up little temporary jobs wherever they find themself, finding a lot of fulfillment in helping people in small ways, even if they're strangers

john still struggles with depression, especially in the face of jade's absence and jane and jake's success, but eventually takes up a job after jane begs him. it's more for enrichment than anything else, it's not like he needs money, but he respects that jane wants to help and goes along with her promise to "set him up somewhere", which turns out to be as a consulting partner at a law firm with terezi. they get into less petty spats now that they're not thirteen anymore, and the partnership is superficially contentious but solid and functional. he doesn't hate it but he feels a bit stuck in a rut in his current life and is sort of... waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak

kanaya is in charge of the brooding caverns. she worries about her and rose's ability to adequately take care of their own children so she kind of compensates by becoming a daycare operator or maybe a teacher, mentoring older jadebloods to take her place some day. as the equivalent of a vampire she's very much immortal and she takes a melancholy sort of pride in watching her students grow up every generation

left to his own devices once more without any immediately obvious Goal In Life dirk's guilt over various things (both deserving and not deserving of said guilt) begins to eat him alive. egged on by jasprose, he tries in vain to return to the past; he becomes obsessed with trying to rebuild the auto-responder, coding chat bot after chat bot, intelligence after intelligence, just for one more conversation, one more apology. he never succeeds and eventually the fixation drives him to reclusive insanity

vriska (sort of a paradox space pirate, looting dream bubbles and chasing lord english) goes ultimate and dave (stockbroker turned senator, avoiding the entertainment industry out of a desire to avoid becoming his alpha self, too scared that he won't live up to the dave that exists in dirk's mind) has his villain arc. they start scheming together and their plans (which are partially really clean and elaborate and partially slapdash and stupid) eventually culminate in the complete social and economical ruin of earth c. following this they fuck off in vriska's spaceship (which is like a sort of treasure planet-esque flying galleon) to some random corner of the galaxy to have weird creepy sex until the heat death of the universe

terezi and karkat enter a failmarriage in order to stave off the creeping sense of abandonment and not being good enough for their respective partners but being together actually just makes it worse. they have sex with the lights off

john, who was expecting not this, exactly, but SOMETHING to come and break the peace, feels responsibility for dave, his errant best friend, for vriska, his one-sided lost love, and even a little bit for terezi, the work partner he's come to appreciate more than most people, and the utter upheaval of the world becomes the catalyst he needs to snap him out of his funk, at least for the time being

jake and jane scramble to use their influence to stabilize the infrastructure of the planet; karkat warns aradia, sollux and jade to keep an eye out across paradox space; roxy tracks down dirk, attempting to restore him to optimal functionality; kanaya, rose and calliope try to keep everyone in their vicinity alive and well; davepeta puts john in touch with meenah, and he and terezi take off for the dream bubbles on the tail of vriska and dave

and the rest. dear reader. well that is up to you

[affogatoandristretto]

I need to talk about the car scene again 😫 but I really wanted talk about Blitz’s POV…

So I’ve already done a ramble about Stolas bc of all of the like “surprised pikachu” memes and how it absolutely was a truth bomb that he needed to hear….because up until this episode that was mainly how he WAS coming across. Like he only wanted Blitz for sex.

BUT in this episode he clearly shows that he wants a relationship with Blitz. He is awkward and nervous and overdresses for their date. He talks about how he’s excited bc it is their first official date, tries his best to make small talk, etc etc

(Pics bc awkward Stolas is a WAY bigger mood than Gabriella)

And of course…when Blitz says he’s not in the mood for sex….there’s this line:

Which Blitz rejects and tells him not to pretend like their relationship is anything more than sex.

And…..okay oof heartbreaking for sure. But with everything we know about Blitz this is just absolutely what he would say.

He has trouble with emotional intimacy (his subconscious via Moxxie literally told us that). He doesn’t think he is worthy of love. He is confident but has some kind of self esteem…thing…going on. (Based on the fact that he’s literally crossed his face out of photos)

Aaaaand yeah. For someone who struggles with self worth his response makes complete sense.

Like Stolas could have literally said “I like you and I want a romantic relationship with you” and Blitz would’ve had the exact same response.

He’s not just saying this to Stolas. He’s saying this to reinforce this narrative to himself. Because he literally can’t fathom the idea that Stolas actually WOULD want something more than just sex with him.

So where to go from here? Well on top of all of that…there’s the book deal kinda looming over them. Idk what it would actually take for Stolas to convince Blitz that he actually wants a relationship with him but ending the book deal would be a HUGE start for sure. (And let’s face it kinda mandatory if he wants a real relationship for him)