#(he would even just settle for all doing different things in the same space honestly it's just an way of asking for it)

[harrysfolklore]

casual - ln4

summary: you’re in a situationship with lando norris, one that you know is going to break your heart, but you can’t seem to walk away. wc: 11.7k

folkie radio: i was about to scrap this entire fic bc i just didn’t like they way it was turning out but i finished it 😭 i’m still not really confident about it but i hope you enjoy it. disclaimer: this is angsty !!

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

You and Lando. Lando and You. An undefined space, more than friends, less than a relationship. You remember it like it was yesterday, though almost a year has passed.

It started innocently enough. As a data analyst and strategist for McLaren, you often found yourself working late nights, poring over race statistics and performance metrics. Lando would sometimes wander into the office, restless after a day of simulations and meetings.

At first, your interactions were purely professional - discussing tire degradation rates or fuel consumption patterns. But gradually, conversations began to drift, getting more personal and personal.

The shift happened subtly. One night, after a particularly grueling race weekend, you were both exhausted, sprawled on the office couch analyzing data. Lando's head drooped onto your shoulder, and for a moment, neither of you moved. The air crackled with tension.

"We shouldn't," you murmured, even as you turned to face him.

"Probably not," Lando agreed, his blue eyes flickering to your lips.

The kiss was inevitable, months of built-up attraction finally finding release. And then came another, and another.

When Lando suggested heading back to his place, you found yourself saying yes without hesitation.

Before you knew it, you were in his apartment, you could feel the tension in the air. Lando stepped closer, his hand cupping your cheek.

"I've been wanting to do this for a while," he murmured, before leaning in to kiss you again.

Clothes were shed as you made your way to his bedroom, falling onto his bed in a tangle of limbs.

The next morning, sunlight streams through unfamiliar curtains, and you blink awake, momentarily disoriented. Lando's sleeping form beside you brings the memories of last night flooding back.

Lando stirs, his blue eyes meeting yours. "Morning," he mumbles, a shy smile playing on his lips. "So... that happened."

You nod, unsure of what to say. "It did."

An awkward silence stretches between you, the weight of the previous night settling in. You would be lying if you said that you didn't enjoy it. You did. You enjoyed it a lot. But you knew the implications of getting close with someone like Lando Norris.

"Look, Iast night was great," finally, Lando speaks. "But my life, my career... it's complicated."

"I understand," you reply, trying to hide the embarrassment on your face, "I mean, we're work colleges after all, it's complicated for me too."

"I'm not saying I regret this," he quickly adds, "I just... I can't offer you something else right now."

You take a deep breath, weighing your options. "So what are you offering?"

"Honestly? I don't know," Lando runs a hand through his tousled hair, "But I'd like to keep seeing you, if you're okay with... not defining things?"

And so begins, your undefined journey with Lando Norris. From that moment, your relationship existed in a grey area. At work, you maintained professionalism, but stolen glances, brushed hands and the way your clothes always ended up in his bedroom floor told a different story.

You know it's not ideal, to have a situationship with Lando Norris. Not when you know you could really fall for him and jeopardize your job. But at the same time, you can't walk away.

You love you job so much, and the fact that you're willing to shut the rest of the world away in order to focus on what you needed to do proved it.

As the Japanese Grand Prix weekend unfolded, you found yourself buried in work. The Suzuka circuit always presented challenges, and you were determined to give the team every advantage possible.

You were so engrossed in your data analysis that you barely noticed Lando enter the temporary office setup. His hand on your shoulder made you jump.

"Christ, Lando! You scared me," you exclaimed, pulling off your headphones.

He grinned, but there was a hint of something else in his eyes. "Come with me," he said, taking your hand and gently pulling you up.

"Lando, I'm in the middle of-"

"It can wait," he insisted, leading you out of the office and towards his driver's room.

Once inside, he closed the door and leaned against it, watching you with an intensity that made your heart race.

"I miss you," he said simply.

You felt a pang of guilt. It had been weeks since you'd had any real time alone together. "I've been busy," you replied, trying to keep your tone light.

"Busy doing what?" Lando raised an eyebrow.

"Coming up with strategies so you can win races, actually," you retorted, a hint of challenge in your voice.

"Oh really? And how's that going?" he stepped closer, a teasing glint in his eye.

"Well, if you'd stop distracting me," you tilted your chin up defiantly, "Maybe I could finish and you'd find out."

Lando chuckled, closing the distance between you. His hands found your waist, pulling you against him. "Maybe I like distracting you," he murmured, his breath warm against your ear.

You shivered involuntarily. "Lando..." you warned, but there was no real resistance in your voice.

"Tell me about these strategies," he said, his lips now trailing along your jawline. "How are you planning to make me faster?"

You struggled to maintain your train of thought as his touch sent sparks through your body. "Well," you managed, "I've been analyzing your cornering speeds and-"

Lando cut you off with a kiss, deep and passionate. When he pulled away, you were both breathless.

"Sorry," he grinned, not looking sorry at all. "You were saying?"

"You're impossible, you know that?"

Before he can even reply, you drag him for another kiss. His fingers tangled in your hair as he pulls you closer, your hands slid under his team shirt, tracing the lean muscles of his back.

When you broke apart, Lando's eyes were dark with desire.

"I thought I was the one who distracted you. Seems like you're just as needy as I am," he smirked, his voice low and teasing.

"Don't flatter yourself, Norris," you felt a blush creep up your cheeks, but matched his playful tone, "I'm just... thorough in my research."

Lando's laugh was warm against your neck as he pressed a kiss there. "Is that what we're calling it now?"

"We're not calling it a relationship, aren't we?" you blurted out before you could even think about it.

Lando's expression softened for a moment, a flicker of something unreadable passing through his eyes. But quickly, his trademark grin returned.

"Well, we're not calling it a relationship," he said, his tone light and teasing, "maybe we should call it a 'performance enhancement program'. You know, for the sake of the team."

You couldn't help but laugh, even as you felt a twinge in your chest at the casual deflection of the relationship topic. "Oh, is that what this is? And here I thought I was just your favorite data analyst."

"Oh, you definitely are," Lando murmured, leaning in for another kiss. "The very best at... analyzing my data."

You rolled your eyes at the innuendo but smiled despite yourself. "As tempting as it is to continue this 'program'," you said, gently pushing him back, "I really do need to get back to work. Those race strategies won't write themselves, you know."

"Fine, fine. Go make me faster on paper. But don't forget, I might need some hands-on analysis later."

"We'll see about that, hotshot," you replied, straightening your clothes and heading for the door. "Focus on your qualifying first."

It's late, well past midnight, when your phone buzzes with a text. You're still up, reviewing data from the day's practice sessions. The message is from Lando, of course.

"Room 507. Now. Please?"

You can't help but smile, imagining the impatience and desire behind those words. You type back:

"Demanding, aren't we? What if I'm busy?"

His reply comes quickly: "Busy with what? I know you're probably still working. Take a break. You deserve it.”

You laugh softly. "I deserve it, huh? Well, when you put it that way..."

"So you're coming?"

You pause, pretending to consider it, even though you both know you're already reaching for your room key. "I suppose I could spare a few minutes."

"There's my girl"

You slip out of your room, heart racing with anticipation. You've done this countless of times before, sneaking out of your hotel room to end up naked in Lando's, but you still felt like a teenage girl every single time.

The hotel corridor is quiet, your footsteps muffled by the plush carpet. You're so focused on reaching Lando's room that you almost collide with someone rounding the corner.

"Whoa, sorry!" You step back, then freeze as you realize it's Oscar, who looks equally surprised.

"Oh, hey. Bit late for a walk, isn't it?"

Your mind races, searching for a plausible excuse. "I, uh... couldn't sleep. Thought I'd grab some ice."

"Ice?" Oscar's brow furrows slightly, "At this hour?"

"Yeah, you know... for my water," you say lamely, cringing at how unconvincing you sound. "Helps me... think better. For work."

"Right," Oscar says slowly, clearly not buying it but too polite to press further. "Well, don't let me keep you from your... ice-enhanced thinking."

You force a laugh. "Thanks. Goodnight, Oscar."

As you hurry past him, you can feel his curious gaze on your back. You silently pray he doesn't mention this encounter to anyone else on the team.

One of the main reasons why you agreed to mess around with Lando without a label was exactly that, the fear of putting your job at risk. You worked hard for it, and you would never forgive yourself if you lost it due to getting in a relationship with one of the drivers.

Which lead you to getting in a goddamn situationship.

Finally reaching room 507, you knock softly. Lando opens the door almost immediately, pulling you inside with a grin.

"Took you long enough," he teases, his arms wrapping around your waist.

"Yeah, well, I just had to convince your teammate that I'm wandering the halls at 1 AM in search of ice. So thanks for that," you retort, but there's no real annoyance in your voice.

"You ran into Oscar?" Lando's eyes widen, "What did you tell him?"

"That I needed ice. For thinking."

"Ice for thinking?" he bursts out laughing. "That's the best you could come up with?"

"Hey, you try coming up with a believable excuse on the spot!" you protest, swatting his arm playfully.

"Fair enough," Lando concedes, still chuckling. "Now, where were we? I believe you were going to help me with some... performance analysis?"

As Lando leans in, your lips meet in a passionate kiss. The tension that's been building all day finally releases as you melt into his embrace. His hands roam your body, pulling you closer as the kiss deepens.

"I've been thinking about this all day," he murmurs, his voice low and husky.

"Oh really?" you tease, running your fingers through his hair. "I thought you were supposed to be focusing on your lap times."

"Who says I can't do both?"

Lando's lips find your neck, trailing kisses along your jawline. You tilt your head back, a soft sigh escaping your lips. Your hands slide under his t-shirt, tracing his sides.

He guides you towards the bed, your bodies pressed close together. As the back of your knees hit the mattress, you fall back, pulling Lando with you. He hovers over you, his weight supported on his forearms.

"You're beautiful," he whispers, his eyes roaming your face.

You reach up to cup his cheek, drawing him down for another kiss. This one is slower, deeper, filled with unspoken emotions.

As things heat up, clothes start to come off. Lando's shirt is the first to go, followed quickly by yours. Skin meets skin, and the world narrows down to just the two of you, lost in each other's touch.

The night stretches on, filled with whispered words, soft moans, and the rustle of sheets. You can't help but think that this undefined thing with Lando is getting more complicated by the day but you decide that's a problem for future you to worry about.

After an exhausting triple header across three different countries, you finally have a well-deserved two-week break.

The past few races have been grueling, with long nights analyzing data and strategizing for each track. While you love your job, the intense schedule has left you drained. Now back home, you decide it's time to unwind and have some fun with your friends.

It's Friday evening, and you're getting ready for a girls' night out. Usually, you’d spend your Friday with Lando, but this time you were dying for a chance to let loose, dance with your friends and forget about work for a while. 

And maybe, forget about your little situationship, too.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, they say. Because as if on cue your phone starts buzzing with an incoming FaceTime call. Lando's name flashes on the screen.

You answer, propping the phone up on your dresser. "Hey, Lan," you greet him while still doing your makeup.

"Hey, you," he replies, his eyes widening slightly as he takes in your appearance. "Wow, you look hot. Are you going somewhere?"

You nod, turning back to the mirror to continue applying your eyeshadow. "Yep, heading out tonight. It's been ages since I've had a proper night out."

"Oh," Lando says, his tone curious. "Like, out out? Are you... um, going on a date or something?"

You can't help but smirk a little at his barely concealed interest. "Why, Lando Norris, are you fishing for information?" you tease. "I mean, I could be going on a date. We're not exclusive, after all."

Lando's expression falters for a moment before he catches himself, forcing a casual laugh. "No, no, of course not. I was just, you know, curious. Making conversation and all that."

You watch him in the phone screen, noticing how he's trying to play it cool but failing miserably. His jaw is tense, and he's fidgeting more than usual.

Taking pity on him, you decide to put him out of his misery. "Relax, Lando. It's just girls' night. After that triple header, I need to blow off some steam with my friends."

"Oh, right. Cool, cool," the relief on his face is palpable, "That sounds fun."

"Were you jealous, Norris?" you raise an eyebrow at him.

"Me? Jealous? Nah," he scoffs, but the slight blush creeping up his neck betrays him. "I mean, like you said, we're not... you know."

"Exclusive," you finish for him, feeling a familiar twinge in your chest at the word.

"Right," Lando nods, looking a bit uncomfortable. "Anyway, I hope you have a great time tonight. You deserve it after all the hard work these past few weeks."

"Thanks, Lan. I plan to."

"Call me if you need me to pick you up," Lando assures, making you smile softly. Maybe he actually cares about you, you think.

"Don't worry, I can handle myself."

Just as Lando was expecting, you call him around 2 AM, asking if he could come pick you up from the club.

He doesn’t think twice before he’s getting up, putting a hoodie on and grabbing his keys to leave the house.

His car pulls up outside the club about 15 minutes later. You make your way to the vehicle, sliding into the passenger seat with a giggle.

"Thanks for coming," you say, leaning towards him with a grin.

“Of course, love,” Lando looks you over, a playful smirk on his face. "Looks like someone had fun tonight."

“I did, but I missed you,” you say as he starts driving, you’re not sure if he’ll take you to your place or his, but you don’t want to sleep without him, "Oh! I have to tell you something,"

"Well do tell," he encourages, glancing at you with interest.

"There was this guy at the club," you begin, noticing how Lando's eyebrow quirks up. "He was really handsome, and he was flirting with me."

"Was he now?" Lando asks, his tone light but with an undercurrent of something else.

"Yup," you say, popping the 'p' sound. "I pushed him away. Because even though you might not be my boyfriend, I only want you. No one else."

Lando's lips curl into a pleased smile. "Is that so?" he says, his voice low and teasing. "And here I thought I was just your favorite Uber driver."

You burst into laughter, the sound filling the car. Then, feeling bold, you place your hand on his thigh. "Will you sleep with me tonight?"

Lando doesn't even flinch. Instead, he shoots you a mischievous look. "Just like that? Usually, I at least buy you dinner first."

You groan, moving your hand from his thigh but he quickly catches it and kisses your palm before resting it there again, “Of course I’ll stay with you, baby.”

As you arrive home, Lando helps you inside, his arm steady around your waist. You stumble a bit, giggling as you lean into him.

"Careful there," he says, "Let's get you sorted, shall we?"

He guides you to the kitchen, one hand on the small of your back. You hop onto a barstool, watching as he moves around your kitchen with surprising familiarity.

"Let's get some water in you," he says, filling a large glass. "And maybe some food too. When's the last time you ate?"

You scrunch your nose, trying to remember. "Um... before we went out? I think?"

Lando shakes his head, a fond smile on his face. "No wonder you're in this state. Drink this," he hands you the water, "and I'll make you a sandwich."

You sip the water obediently, watching him as he rummages through your fridge. "You don't have to do all this, you know," you say softly.

"I want to," he looks up at you, his eyes soft. "Let me take care of you, yeah?"

As you finish your water, he slides a plate with a sandwich in front of you. "Eat up, pretty girl. It'll help sober you up."

You take a bite, suddenly realizing how hungry you are. As you eat, Lando leans against the counter, watching you with amusement and something else you can't quite name.

"So," he says casually, "tell me about this handsome guy at the club."

You swallow your bite, looking up at him. "Jealous, Norris?"

"Just curious," he shrugs, a smirk playing at his lips. "You said you pushed him away?"

You nod, setting down the sandwich. "I did. He was nice, but... he wasn't you."

The words hang in the air between you, heavy with implication. Lando's eyes sparkle, but he doesn't say anything.

You slide off the barstool and step closer to him. Your hands find his chest and you lean in, pressing your lips to his. He kisses back, his hands settling on your waist, pulling you closer. The kiss deepens, and you feel a warmth spreading through you that has nothing to do with the alcohol.

But then Lando pulls away gently, resting his forehead against yours. "Let's go to sleep, pretty girl," he says, his voice low and a bit rough. "You need rest."

You pout, your fingers playing with the collar of his shirt. "But I want you," you whisper, leaning in so your lips are inches from his.

"And you can have me," he says softly, cupping your face with one hand. "But right now we're going to sleep."

You start to protest, but he silences you with a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

As he leads you to the bedroom, Lando's mind is in turmoil. He's acutely aware of the growing feelings he has for you - feelings that go far beyond the casual arrangement you've had so far. The way his heart races when you're near, the constant urge to make you smile, the fierce protectiveness he feels - it all points to something deeper, that both thrills and terrifies him.

But with these feelings comes a familiar fear. Commitment has always been hard for him. The demands of his career, the pressure of the public eye, the fear of letting someone down - they all contribute to his hesitation. And yet, as he looks at you now, soft and vulnerable in his arms, he can't help but wonder if you might be worth the risk.

In the bedroom, he helps you change into comfortable sleepwear. As you both lay down, you curl into his side, your head on his chest. The steady beat of his heart is soothing, and you feel yourself starting to drift off.

"Lando?" you ask, your voice sleepy.

"Hmm?" His hand is running through your hair, the gesture comforting.

"Do you push away the beautiful girls that come up to flirt with you? Like I did tonight?"

You feel his chest rise with a deep breath. There's a pause before he answers, "I do," he says softly. "There's only one girl I'm interested in."

You lift your head slightly, trying to look at him through heavy-lidded eyes. "Really? Who's that?"

He chuckles, the sound rumbling in his chest. "I think you know, pretty girl."

You're fighting sleep now, but you're determined to get an answer. "Well, I don't believe you," you mumble, the words slurring together. "Prove it."

Lando opens his mouth to reply, but he realizes you're already asleep, your breathing evening out. He looks down at you, a fond smile on his face. Pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, he whispers, "Maybe I'll show you soon."

The Hungarian Grand Prix has just concluded, and the atmosphere in the McLaren garage is torn between elation and tension.

Oscar has claimed his first Formula 1 victory, a monumental achievement for him and the team. However, the circumstances of his win have left a bitter taste in Lando's mouth, casting a shadow over what should have been a moment of pure celebration for everyone.

You're standing off to the side, your mind racing. The strategy call wasn't yours directly, but as part of the team, you can't help feeling partly responsible for the decision that affected both drivers.

As Lando storms into the garage, his face like thunder, you brace yourself for the fallout. His usual easy-going demeanor is nowhere to be seen, replaced by a storm of anger and disappointment. You've seen Lando upset before, but this felt different.

"Lando," you start, reaching out to him, your voice soft and tentative.

"Save it," he snaps, his blue eyes flashing with anger as he brushes past you. The coldness in his voice makes you flinch. "I don't want to hear it. Not from you, not from anyone."

For the rest of the day, Lando avoids you like the plague. You take separate flights home so you don't really see him or hear from him after you left the circuit.

Over the next few days, you try reaching out via text, each message more desperate than the last. But they go unanswered, each 'read' receipt another twist of the knife. This isn't like Lando, to shut everyone out so completely. You can't help but wonder if this is about more than just the race.

Finally, unable to bear it any longer, you decide to go to his place. It's a risky move, you know, but the thought of leaving things like this is unbearable. Using the spare key he gave you months ago - a gesture that had felt so significant at the time - you let yourself in.

The apartment is quiet, but not empty. You can feel his presence, sense the tension in the air.

"Lando?" you call out, your voice echoing slightly in the silent space.

You hear movement from his bedroom, and soon enough he emerges, dressed to go out, and freezes when he sees you. His expression hardens, the warmth you're used to seeing in his eyes replaced by a cold, distant look. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk, Lando," you say, your voice firm despite the nervous flutter in your stomach. "You can't just shut me out like this. It's not fair, and it's not right."

"I don't have time for this right now," Lando's jaw clenches, his gaze darting away from yours, "I'm heading out."

"Of course you are," you say, unable to keep the bitterness from your voice. "Because going out and partying is so much easier than facing your problems, isn't it?"

His eyes narrow, a spark of anger igniting, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're running away," you say, taking a step closer. "From the race, from the team, from me. We're all just trying to do our best, Lando. The team made a call, and it worked out for the best. Why can't you see that?"

"Because it wasn't the best for me!" Lando explodes, his composure finally cracking. "Do you have any idea what it's like? To have victory in your grasp and then have it taken away? To be told that you're not good enough, that your teammate is the better choice?"

"That's not what happened, and you know it," you argue back, your own frustration bubbling over. "It was a strategic decision, not a judgment on your abilities. You're letting your ego cloud your judgment."

"My ego?" Lando's laugh is harsh and humorless, "That's rich, coming from someone who's never had to make these kinds of sacrifices."

The words hang in the air between you, sharp and cutting. You take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions inside you. You's never had an argument like this before.

"Fine," you say finally, your voice quiet but firm. "Go out if that's what you want. But don't call me when you're feeling lonely later tonight. I'm not just some convenient comfort for when you decide you need me."

Something flashes in Lando's eyes – hurt, perhaps, or regret. But it's quickly replaced by a hardness that makes your heart ache.

"Don't worry," he retorts, his voice cold. "I can always find another girl to keep me company. I don't need you for that."

The words hit you like a physical blow, and you take an involuntary step back. The undefined nature of your relationship, once thrilling in its potential, now feels like a weapon being used against you.

"Is that what this is to you?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper. "Just a convenient arrangement? Someone to warm your bed when you can't find anyone else?"

Lando's expression softens for a moment, regret flickering across his features. But he doesn't take back his words. Instead, he turns away, his hand on the front door.

"You know your way out." And with that, he's out of the door.

A week later, Formula 1 has moved to the iconic Spa-Francorchamps circuit in Belgium. The air is thick with anticipation - not just for the upcoming race, but for the looming summer break that follows.

You've thrown yourself into your work, burying your emotions under a mountain of data analysis and strategy planning. The tension between you and Lando hasn't gone unnoticed by the team, but thankfully, everyone's too focused on the upcoming race to pry.

You haven't spoke to Lando after your argument at his place, and you blocked his number, leaving him unable to contact you.

As you make your way through the paddock, your arms full of printouts and your mind racing with tire degradation calculations, you spot a familiar figure approaching. Lando, clad in his McLaren team shirt, is walking purposefully in your direction. Your heart rate spikes, and you quickly duck into a nearby hospitality area, pretending to be engrossed in conversation with a group of engineers.

This dance continues throughout the day. Lando tries to catch your eye during the team briefing, but you keep your gaze fixed on your tablet. He lingers near your station in the garage, but you find urgent errands that take you elsewhere. It's exhausting, this game of cat and mouse, but you're not ready to face him - not yet.

As the day winds down, you're making your final rounds, double-checking that everything is set for tomorrow's practice sessions. The paddock is quieter now, most team members having retired for the evening.

You're so focused on your checklist that you don't notice the approaching footsteps until it's too late.

"We need to talk," Lando's voice, firm and tinged with frustration, breaks the silence.

You spin around and Lando stands before you, his blue eyes intense and determined. He's changed out of his team shirt into a simple t-shirt and jeans, his hair slightly tousled as if he's been running his hands through it.

"Lando, I-" you begin, but he cuts you off.

"No, don't give me another excuse," he says, stepping closer. "We've been dancing around each other all day. Enough is enough."

Before you can protest, he gently but firmly takes your arm and starts guiding you towards the McLaren motorhome. You could resist, but something in his tone, a note of desperation perhaps, makes you comply.

The motorhome is quiet and dimly lit as Lando leads you inside and up to the second level where the drivers have their private areas. He ushers you into his room, closing the door behind you.

The space is unmistakably Lando's - a gaming setup in one corner, a few personal photos tacked to a board, his race suit hanging neatly on a hook. The familiarity of it all makes your heart ache.

Lando runs a hand through his hair, pacing for a moment before turning to face you.

"I'm sorry," he blurts out, the words tumbling from his lips as if he's afraid he'll lose his nerve if he doesn't say them immediately. "I'm so sorry for how I acted, for what I said. It was awful, and you didn't deserve any of it."

You stand there, arms crossed, trying to maintain your composure even as a lot of emotions overwhelm you. "You were an asshole, Lando," you say quietly.

"I know," he nods, "I was angry and frustrated, but that's no excuse. I took it out on you when you were just trying to help." He takes a step closer, his eyes pleading. "I've been miserable this past week. I missed you so much, and the thought that I might have ruined everything between us… it's been killing me."

Despite your best efforts to stay strong, you feel your resolve weakening. You're weak when it comes to him, and you're pretty sure he knows it.

"I missed you too," you admit softly. "But Lando, we can't keep doing this. We can't just pretend everything's fine and then lash out at each other when things get tough."

"I know, I know," Lando nods eagerly. "I want to do better. I want to be better," he pauses for a moment, his gaze dropping to the floor before meeting your eyes again. "And I didn't go home with anyone that night, by the way,"

You furrow your brow, momentarily confused by the seemingly random statement. Then, like a flash, you remember his cruel words from that night in his house.

As you laid in bed the night of the argument, you couldn't help but wonder if Lando had gone home with someone else, and if that was how it worked when you were not there.

And it hurt more that you ever thought possible.

"Oh," you respond, aiming for nonchalance but not quite hitting the mark. "That's… I mean, you didn't have to tell me that. It's not like we're…"

You trail off, unsure how to finish that sentence. What are you, exactly?

Lando takes a step closer, his blue eyes intense as they lock with yours. "I know I don't have to tell you," he says, his voice low and earnest. "But I want you to know. I only want you to keep me company, not anyone else."

Your heart skips a beat at his words, a warmth spreading through your chest. But almost immediately, a more cynical part of your mind chimes in. He wants you, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. He wants the comfort, the intimacy, but not the commitment.

"Lando, I…" you begin, but the words catch in your throat. You want to ask for clarification, to define what this is between you, but fear holds you back.

Lando seems to sense your inner turmoil. He reaches out, gently taking your hand in his. "I know I messed up," he says softly. "And I know things between us are… complicated. But I mean what I said. You're the only one I want."

You look down at your joined hands, then back up at Lando's face. Despite despite the voice in your head warning you to be careful, you feel yourself giving in. The pull is too strong, the desire to be with him overpowering your rational mind.

"Okay," you whisper, squeezing his hand.

Lando's face breaks into a relieved smile, his eyes lighting up. He pulls you into another embrace, holding you close. You allow yourself to sink into his warmth, pushing your doubts to the back of your mind for now.

When you finally pull apart, Lando's expression is soft, almost reverent. "Are we good?" he asks, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

You take a deep breath, considering the question. Are you good? There's still so much left unsaid, so many questions unanswered. But looking at Lando, feeling the comfort of his presence, you can't bring yourself to disrupt this moment of peace between you.

"Yes," you say, managing a small smile. "We're good."

The early morning sunlight filters through the curtains of Lando's Monaco apartment. You stir slowly, consciousness creeping in as you become aware of the warm body next to you. Opening your eyes, you're greeted by the sight of Lando's peaceful sleeping face, his features relaxed and vulnerable in a way they rarely are when he's awake.

It's been two weeks since your conversation in the motorhome at Spa, and true to form, you and Lando had fallen back into your familiar rhythm without missing a beat. The race weekend had gone well, with both McLarens finishing in the points, and you'd flown to Monaco with Lando for the first part of the summer break without a second thought.

As you watch Lando sleep, you can't help but feel that being here with him feels right in a way that's hard to describe. You know that this thing between you, whatever it is, is a ticking time bomb if you don't define it soon. But every time you think about approaching the subject, fear holds you back.

So you've chosen to ignore it, to live in this blissful bubble for as long as you can. You tell yourself that you'll deal with it later, after the summer break, after the next race, after the season ends. There's always a reason to put it off.

Lando begins to stir, his eyelids fluttering open. When his gaze focuses on you, a slow, sleepy smile spreads across his face. "Morning, beautiful," he murmurs, his voice husky with sleep.

"Morning," you reply softly, unable to help the smile that mirrors his.

Lando reaches out, his hand cupping your cheek as he leans in for a kiss. It starts soft and sweet, but quickly deepens as he pulls you closer. His other hand trails down your side, leaving goosebumps in its wake. You sigh into the kiss, your own hands exploring the familiar planes of his chest and back.

As things start to heat up, Lando rolls you onto your back, hovering over you. His lips leave yours to trail kisses along your jaw and down your neck. You arch into him, your fingers tangling in his hair.

Just as things are about to progress further, there's a sharp knock at the front door.

"Ignore it," Lando whispers, leaning in to capture your lips again.

You lose yourself in the kiss for a moment before another, more insistent knock breaks through. Lando groans in frustration, dropping his forehead to your shoulder.

"I should probably see who that is," he sighs, reluctantly pulling away.

You watch as he gets out of bed, admiring the view as he pulls on a pair of sweatpants before heading downstairs.

Curious about who could be visiting so early, you decide to follow after a few minutes. You grab Lando's discarded t-shirt from the night before, pulling it on. It falls to mid-thigh, long enough to be decent for a quick peek downstairs.

As you descend the stairs, you hear familiar voices from the entryway. Your heart drops as you recognize the second voice - it's Max Verstappen. Panic sets in as you realize the compromising position you're in, but it's too late. You've already rounded the corner, coming face to face with both drivers.

For a moment, everything freezes. You stand there, a deer caught in headlights, wearing nothing but Lando's shirt. Max's eyes widen in surprise, darting between you and Lando. Lando looks equally shocked, clearly not expecting you to come downstairs.

Mortified, you turn on your heel and bolt back upstairs, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. As you retreat, you hear Max's voice, tinged with amusement and surprise.

"Dude, isn't that one of your strategists?"

You don't hear Lando's response as you shut the bedroom door behind you. This is exactly the kind of situation you'd been afraid of, the reason why leaving things undefined was so dangerous.

Downstairs, the conversation continues.

"Yeah, she is," Lando admits, running a hand through his hair nervously.

"Wow, okay," Max lets out a low whistle, "So… how long has this been going on? Please tell me it's recent and not, like, during the season or something."

Lando hesitates for a moment before answering. "It's… been a while actually. Over a year."

"A YEAR?!" Max exclaims, his voice rising in disbelief. "Lando, mate, are you serious? You've been hooking up with a team member for over a year and nobody knew?"

"It's not just hooking up," Lando defends, though his voice lacks conviction. "It's… complicated."

"Complicated?" Max raises an eyebrow, "Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen if you ask me. Does the team know?"

"No," Lando shakes his head, "And I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything. It's not affecting our work, so no one needs to know."

"Hey, not my circus, not my monkeys," Max holds up his hands in surrender, "But seriously, Lando, be careful. This kind of thing can blow up in your face if you're not careful."

They exchange a few more words before Max takes his leave, reminding Lando about their plans for later in the week. As soon as the door closes behind Max, Lando bounds up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

He finds you in the bedroom, already dressed in own clothes. You're pacing nervously, chewing on your bottom lip - a habit he knows you fall into when you're anxious.

"Hey," he says softly, approaching you cautiously. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't expect Max to show up unannounced."

You stop pacing, turning to face him. "It's fine," you say, but your voice is tight. "I should go."

"What? No, please don't go," Lando's face falls, "Max won't say anything, I promise. He may be a bit of a prat sometimes, but he can keep a secret."

"I'll just have a walk around the harbor, I'll be back," you say as you grab your phone from the nightstand.

"But why?" Lando asks, a note of panic creeping into his voice. "Is this because Max saw you? I swear, it's not a big deal."

"I'll meet you for lunch, okay? you say softly, avoiding Lando's gaze.

"Okay," he replies simply, not pushing for more.

Without further conversation, you gather your belongings and head for the door. Feeling more conflicted than ever before.

After Max caught you together in Monaco, you stayed a few more days with Lando before reluctantly going back home, and he took on a trip with his family. You don't really see him for the rest of the summer break, until he showed up at your place two weeks before it was time to get back to work.

"So," Lando says as you laid in bed, "ready to go back to being all professional and proper soon, Ms. Strategist?"

"Oh, I'm always professional, Norris. It's you who can't keep your eyes off me during briefings."

"Me? Lando gasps in mock offense, "I'll have you know I'm the picture of focus and concentration."

"Sure," you drawl, "That's why you kept 'accidentally' brushing against me in the garage."

He leans in closer, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. "Can you blame me? You're irresistible when you're talking about tire strategies."

You laugh, pushing him away playfully, trying to ignore the flutter in your stomach at his proximity. "Smooth talker. Is that how you charm all the girls?"

"Nah," he grins, pulling you back towards him. "Just the brilliant, beautiful ones who can calculate pit stop windows in their sleep."

Your breath catches as he nuzzles your neck, his stubble tickling your skin. For a moment, you consider bringing up the conversation you've been avoiding all summer. "Lando," you murmur, "we should probably talk about-"

He silences you with a kiss, deep and passionate. "Or," he says, his eyes dark with desire, "we could make the most of our night."

You know you should resist, that you should have that conversation you've been avoiding. But as Lando's hands start to wander, you find your resolve weakening, as always.

You don't really hear from Lando after that night. He says goodbye after breakfast the following day, and then it's radio silence.

You try not to think too much of it, the break is coming to an end and he has responsibilities and work to go, it's not personal, you try to convince yourself.

But your mind can't help but wander. Is he with someone else? Is he avoiding you? Did you make him upset and you failed to notice?

But you don't dare to bring it up to him. He's not your boyfriend, after all.

The transition back to work after the summer break is jarring. The McLaren Technology Centre buzzes with activity as everyone prepares for the upcoming race. You're immediately swept up in meetings, data analysis, and strategy sessions. Despite working in the same building, you and Lando barely cross paths for days. The few times you do see him from afar, he's always surrounded by engineers or caught up in simulator work.

Finally, the team arrives at Zandvoort Circuit for the Dutch Grand Prix. The atmosphere of the paddock envelops you as you make your way to the McLaren garage, your arms full of strategy documents and your mind racing with last-minute considerations for the race.

As you approach, you spot Lando and Oscar chatting animatedly near the entrance. Your heart does a little flip at the sight of Lando, and you can't help but smile. You've missed him more than you care to admit.

"Morning, boys," you call out, aiming for a casual tone as you near them.

They both turn, matching grins spreading across their faces. "Hey there, stranger," Lando says, his eyes twinkling with that familiar mischief that never fails to make your stomach flutter.

Oscar, ever the gentleman, moves to take some of the papers from your arms. "Let me help you with those. How was your break?"

You smile gratefully, handing him a stack of documents. "Thanks, Oscar. It was lovely, very relaxing. How about yours?"

As Oscar launches into a story about his time back home in Australia and his trip with his girlfriend, you can't help but steal glances at Lando.

He looks good - tanned and relaxed, with a hint of stubble that you know from experience feels delightfully rough against your skin. You quickly push that thought aside, reminding yourself of where you are.

"Oh, that reminds me," Oscar says suddenly, turning to Lando with a sly grin. "How did that lunch go the other day? With Emma?"

You feel your body tense involuntarily. Lunch? Emma? Who's Emma?

Lando's eyes widen slightly, and he shoots a quick glance your way before looking back at Oscar. "Oh, uh, it was fine. Just a casual thing, you know."

But Oscar, oblivious to the sudden tension, presses on. "Come on, mate, don't be modest. Emma told Lily it went really well. Said you two really hit it off."

You feel as if all the air has been sucked out of your lungs. The documents in your arms suddenly feel impossibly heavy.

Lando runs a hand through his hair, a nervous habit you've come to recognize. "It wasn't… I mean, it was just lunch, Oscar. Don't make a big deal out of it."

"I'm just saying," Oscar continues, still grinning, "she seems really into you. Might be worth giving it a shot, yeah? It's about time you settled down with someone nice."

You can't bear to hear any more. "I should get these to the engineers," you mutter, already turning away. "See you guys later."

As you walk away, you hear Lando call out your name, but you don't stop. You can't stop. If you stop, you might fall apart right there in the middle of the paddock.

You make it to the back of the garage before you hear rapid footsteps behind you. "Hey, wait up," Lando's voice comes from behind you, slightly out of breath.

You turn slowly, trying to school your features into a neutral expression. "What is it, Lando? I'm kind of busy."

He looks at you, his eyes searching your face. "About what Oscar said… it's not what you think."

"What do I think, Lando?" you raise an eyebrow, fighting to keep your voice steady. "We never defined what this is, remember? You're free to have lunch with whoever you want."

"It was just a favor for Oscar," Lando steps closer, lowering his voice. "His girlfriend's friend is new in town, and they asked if I'd show her around. That's all it was, I swear."

You want to believe him. God, how you want to believe him. But the memory of those blissful days during the summer break, followed by days of silence and now this… it's too much.

"Look, Lando," you say, hating how your voice wavers slightly, "we both knew this couldn't last. We have jobs to do, careers to think about. Maybe… maybe this is for the best."

"What? No, that's not…" Lando starts, reaching for your arm, but you step back.

"I really need to get these to the engineers," you say, gesturing with the documents still clutched to your chest like a shield. "We should both focus on the race this weekend. That's what we're here for, right?"

Without waiting for a response, you turn and walk away, your vision blurring slightly as you blink back tears. You can feel Lando's gaze boring into your back, but you don't turn around. You can't.

As you round the corner, out of sight from the main garage, you lean against the wall for a moment, taking deep breaths to compose yourself. The rational part of your brain knows you're overreacting, that you should hear Lando out. But the emotional part, the part that's been dreading this moment since this situationship began, is in full fight or flight mode.

With one final deep breath, you push off the wall and head towards the engineering room, burying your personal turmoil beneath layers of race strategy and tire calculations. Lando Norris was consuming every part of you.

The tension between you and Lando remains palpable throughout the race weekend. You both maintain focused on your jobs, but there's a hint that something is not right with you.

The truth is, your situation with Lando has been consuming you for weeks now. What started as a casual arrangement has grown into something much deeper, at least for you.

The more time you spend with Lando, the harder you fall for him. And it's terrifying. Being casual isn't enough anymore; it hasn't been for a while. You've reached a point where you don't think you can continue this way. The pain of loving him in secret, of always being on the edge of something more but never quite reaching it, is becoming unbearable. You need clarity, commitment - or you need to walk away before you lose yourself completely.

To make matters more complicated, Lando wins the race at Zandvoort, securing his second victory of the season—one he had been craving since Miami. Your heart breaks even more as you realize you can't even celebrate this moment with him properly. Watching him on the podium, champagne in hand and pure joy radiating from his face, you feel like crying right there.

You want to run to him, throw yourself into his arms and celebrate with him, tell him how proud you feel and how much he deserves this. But you can't, not until whatever is going on between you gets sorted out.

It's not until after the race, when the celebrations cool down and the team begins to pack up, that Lando finally corners you in a quiet moment.

"Can we talk?" he asks, his voice low and urgent. "Please?"

You hesitate, glancing around the garage. Most of the team is busy with post-race duties, paying you no attention. With a sigh, you nod and follow Lando to a more secluded area behind the motorhome.

"First of all, congratulations on the win. You really deserve it," you say as soon as you're alone, trying to keep your voice steady.

Lando gives you a bittersweet smile. "Thanks, but that's not what occupies my mind right now," he replies, his eyes searching yours with an intensity that makes your heart race, "I don't understand what happened back there. Why won't you believe me about Oscar's friend?"

You cross your arms, a defensive posture you're all too aware of. "It's not just about her, Lando. It's… everything."

"What do you mean, everything?" he asks, brow furrowed.

"I mean this whole situation," you take a deep breath, trying to organize your thoughts, "I thought I could handle it, but…"

"But what?" Lando steps closer, his voice softening, "Talk to me, please."

"But it's getting harder," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. "Every time I see you with someone else, every time we have to pretend there's nothing between us, it hurts a little more."

Lando reaches for your hand, and this time you don't pull away. "You're the only one I want," he says earnestly. "You have to know that."

You let out a humorless laugh, shaking your head. "You always say that, Lando. But you still won't fully commit to me. It's hard to believe it when you won't put a label on us, when you go out with other women-"

"That wasn't a date," Lando interrupts, a hint of frustration creeping into his voice. "I told you, it was just a favor for Oscar."

"I know, I know," you say, pulling your hand away and running it through your hair. "But that's not the point. The point is, I don't know where I stand with you. We've been doing this dance for over a year now, and I still don't know what we are to each other."

"I thought you were okay with this. With us staying without a label. You agreed to keep things casual."

"I was okay with it," you turn away, blinking back tears. "But it's not enough anymore. At least, not for me."

There's a long moment of silence. When you turn back, Lando is staring at the ground, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

"What are you saying?" he asks finally, his voice small.

"I'm saying that I can't do this anymore, Lando," you say firmly, "I want more. I need more."

"We agreed it was too complicted," Lando looks up at you, his eyes wide and vulnerable, "That we couldn't be in a relationship."

"I know what we agreed," you say, your voice cracking slightly. "But feelings change. People change. I've changed, Lando. And I can't keep putting my heart on hold for a someday that might never come."

Lando steps forward, reaching for you again. "Please, don't do this. We can figure it out. I'll try to be more open about us. We can tell our friends."

You shake your head, cutting him off. "It's not just about telling people, Lando. It's about commitment. It's about knowing that when I go home at night, I'm not just someone in your bed. It's about building a future together, not just living for the moment."

"I don't know if I can give you that. Not right now," Lando's face falls. "My career is at a great point, and-"

"And mine isn't?" you interrupt, a flash of anger cutting through your sadness. "Do you think I'm not risking just as much as you are? If not more? But I'm willing to take that risk because what we have… what we could have… it's worth it to me."

You watch as emotions play across Lando's face - confusion, fear, longing. Finally, he speaks, his voice barely audible. "I don't want to lose you."

Your heart aches, but you stand your ground. "Then give me a reason to stay, Lando. Show me that I'm more than just a convenient distraction between races."

Lando opens his mouth to respond, but you hold up a hand to stop him. "Don't answer now. Think about it. Really think about what you want. Because I can't keep going on like this. It's not fair to either of us."

With that, you turn and walk away, leaving Lando standing alone behind the motorhome. As you make your way back to the garage, you can feel the weight of unshed tears burning behind your eyes. But you don't let them fall. Not here, not now.

You've laid your cards on the table. Now it's up to Lando to decide what he's willing to do with them.

The Monza race weekend flies by in a whirlwind of noise and action. You keep yourself busy, diving deep into numbers and race plans to avoid thinking about your feelings. It's easier to focus on tire strategies and pit stop timings than to deal with the ache in your chest every time you see Lando.

When you do have to talk to Lando, you both act normal and professional. But there's a tension in the air between you, like a tight rubber band ready to snap. You catch others giving you worried looks sometimes, and it makes you feel even more on edge.

Lando has not given you any kind of response to your talk in Zandvoort, and it's been just a week, but you feel like you know his answer. He's not willing to give you what you ask for. And it hurts, more than you can say.

As Sunday night gets closer, whispers of Carlos Sainz's birthday celebration begin to circulate through the paddock. You know Lando will definitely go - he and Carlos are really close friends. A small part of you wishes you could go too. You imagine laughing with your coworkers, having a drink, and forgetting about all the drama for a while.

But then you think about seeing Lando there. You picture having to smile and act like everything's fine when it's not. The thought of making awkward small talk with him, or worse, seeing him chatting happily with someone else, makes your stomach churn. It feels like too much to handle right now.

In the end, the thought of facing Lando and all those people is just too much. You decide to skip the party, even though a part of you feels guilty and a bit left out. But the relief you feel at making this decision tells you it's the right choice for now.

As the sun begins to set after the race and everyone gets ready for the party, you retreat to your hotel room. You order room service – a plate of pasta that you barely touch – and settle in for a quiet evening alone. You try to lose yourself in a book, but the words blur on the page, your mind constantly wandering to thoughts of Lando. Is he at the party now? Is he having fun? Is he thinking of you at all?

Meanwhile, at Carlos' birthday celebration, Lando finds himself struggling to enjoy the party. He mingles half-heartedly, his laugh a beat too late, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. He can't help but scan the room periodically, hoping against hope that you might have changed your mind and decided to come.

Max, observant as ever and knowing his friend too well, notices Lando's distraction and pulls him aside.

"You alright, mate?" Max asks, "You look like you'd rather be anywhere but here."

Lando sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Is it that obvious?"

Max nods, taking a sip of his drink. "Want to talk about it?"

For a moment, Lando considers brushing it off, but the weight of the past week suddenly feels too heavy to bear alone. "It's about her," he admits quietly.

Max doesn't need to ask who 'her' is. By now he knows the situation his friend is caught up in, "Trouble in paradise?" he asks.

"More like paradise lost," Lando lets out a humorless laugh, "I think I really messed up, Max. I was so worried about keeping things casual, about not complicating our working relationship, that I didn't realize how fucked up the whole thing was."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Max asks.

Lando looks around the room, at the laughing faces and clinking glasses, and suddenly feels very out of place. "I don't know. I just know I can't be here right now. Not when things are like this between us."

"Then go," he says simply. "Go find her. Talk to her. Life's too short for regrets, especially in our line of work."

Lando looks at Max, a hint of his usual playful smile returning despite the situation. "When did you become so wise, Verstappen? Did all those championship trophies finally knock some sense into you?"

"Someone has to be the voice of reason around here," Max rolls his eyes, but there's a fond smile on his face, "Now go on, get out of here before Carlos finds you and makes you stay, I'll distract him."

"Thanks, Max. I owe you one," Lando chuckles, patting his back.

"You owe me several, but who's counting?" Max grins, clapping Lando on the shoulder. "Now go get your girl."

With a newfound sense of purpose, Lando slips out of the party. His heart pounds as he makes his way to your hotel, not even sure if you would want to talk to him.

When he's finally standing in front of you door, he knocks softly, hope and fear warring in his chest as he waits for you to answer.

You're curled up on the bed, still trying and failing to focus on your book, when you hear the knock. Confused, you glance at the clock - it's barely past 10 PM. The party should still be in full swing. Who could be at your door?

As you pad over to the door and peer through the peephole, your breath catches in your throat. It's Lando, looking slightly disheveled, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

You hesitate, your hand on the doorknob. Part of you wants to fling the door open and throw yourself into his arms. But another part, the part that's been hurt and confused for the past week, holds you back.

Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, you slowly open the door, trying to keep your expression neutral despite the emotions inside you.

"Lando?" you say, trying to sound calm even though your heart is racing. "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be at Carlos' party."

Lando looks a bit messy, like he rushed over. He shifts from foot to foot, looking nervous. "I was," he says. "But I couldn't stay. Not when you weren't there."

You lean against the doorframe, crossing your arms. You're trying to protect yourself, even though you want to believe him. "You left your best friend's birthday party early because of me?"

Lando nods, looking right at you. His eyes are so intense it makes your heart beat even faster. "Can I come in? I think we need to talk."

You hesitate for a moment. You're scared of getting hurt again, but you also really want to hear what he has to say, even if it breaks your heart. Finally, you step back and let him in.

As he passes by, you catch a whiff of his cologne mixed with the faint scent of the paddock - a combination that's uniquely Lando and achingly familiar.

Lando walks into the room, running a hand through his hair. "I've been doing a lot of thinking this past week," he begins, turning to face you. "About us."

Your heart starts to race, but you force yourself to remain calm. "And?" you prompt, when he doesn't continue.

"And you were right. About everything," Lando takes a deep breath, "I've been so focused on not complicating things, that I didn't realize how much I was hurting you.”

"Lando, I-"

"Please, let me finish," Lando interrupts you softly, "The truth is, I've been scared. Terrified, actually. Of commitment, of letting someone in completely, of potentially damaging our careers if things went wrong. But this past week without you… it's been hell", he takes a step closer to you, his voice dropping to a near whisper. "I've dated before, had relationships, but nothing has ever felt like this. What we have… it's different. Special. And I've been an idiot for not seeing it sooner."

Your breath catches in your throat as Lando continues, his words coming faster now, as if he's afraid he'll lose his nerve if he doesn't get them all out. "I kept telling myself that keeping things casual was the smart thing to do. That it was protecting both of us. But all I've done is push you away and make you doubt how much you mean to me."

He runs a hand through his hair, a gesture you've seen him do countless times when he's nervous or frustrated. "The truth is, I'm crazy about you. I think about you all the time. When something good happens, you're the first person I want to tell. When something goes wrong, you're the one I want to turn to. And it scares the hell out of me because I've never felt this way about anyone before."

Your heart is pounding so hard you're sure Lando must be able to hear it. You want to speak, to tell him how much his words mean to you, but you can see he's not finished yet.

"I know I've messed up. I know I've hurt you by not being clear about my feelings, by not giving you the commitment you deserve. And I'm so, so sorry for that," Lando's voice cracks slightly, and you can see the sincerity in his eyes. "But if you're willing to give me another chance, I want to do this right. No more hiding, no more pretending we're just casual. I want to be with you, properly. I want to tell our friends, take you on proper dates. I want everything."

He takes another step closer, close enough now that you can feel the warmth radiating from his body. "I can't promise it'll be easy. Our careers, the media attention, the travel - it's all going to be complicated. But I'm willing to fight for this, for us, if you are."

You stand there, momentarily stunned by Lando's words. Your mind is racing, trying to process everything he's just said. You've dreamed of hearing something like this from him for so long, but now that it's happening, you find yourself almost paralyzed.

Taking a shaky breath, you finally find your voice. "Lando, I… I don't know what to say. This is everything I've wanted to hear from you, but I'm scared too. What if we try this and it doesn't work out? What if we end up ruining our friendship, our work relationship?"

Lando's hand finally makes contact with your cheek, his touch impossibly gentle. "Those are all valid fears," he says softly. "And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about the same things. But I think what we have is worth the risk. Don't you?"

You lean into his touch, your eyes closing for a moment as you savor the feeling. When you open them again, you see Lando looking at you with such tenderness it makes your heart ache.

"I do," you whisper. "I really do. But Lando, I need you to be sure, if we do this, I need all of you. No more half measures, no more hiding."

Lando nods, his thumb gently caressing your cheek. "I'm sure. I want all of you, and I want to give you all of me in return."

The sincerity in his voice, the look in his eyes - it's everything you've been longing for. Unable to resist any longer, you close the distance between you and press your lips to Lando's. The kiss is soft at first, tentative, as if you're both afraid this moment might shatter. But then Lando's arms wrap around you, pulling you closer, and the kiss deepens.

It's not your first kiss, not by a long shot, but it feels different this time. There's a promise in this kiss, a commitment that wasn't there before.

You pour all your pent-up emotions - the longing, the frustration, the love you've been holding back. Lando responds with equal passion, one hand tangling in your hair while the other presses against the small of your back.

When you finally break apart, Lando rests his forehead against yours, a smile playing on his lips.

"I've missed you so much," he murmurs. The relief and happiness that flood Lando's face are beautiful to see.

"I've missed you too," you admit. "More than I wanted to admit, even to myself."

Lando's hands start to wander, tracing patterns on your back that make you shiver, you melt at his touch, but then your mind starts racing again.

"Where do we go from here, Lan?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

Lando takes a moment to consider your question, his hands still gently caressing your back. He pulls back slightly to look into your eyes, his expression a mix of tenderness and determination.

"Well," he starts, a small smile playing on his lips, "I think we take it one step at a time. We don't need to rush anything, but we also don't need to hide anymore."

You nod, encouraging him to continue.

"First things first," Lando says, his voice growing more confident, "I want to take you on a proper date. No sneaking around, no pretending we're just colleagues grabbing a quick bite. I want to take you somewhere nice, hold your hand in public, and not care who sees us."

The thought makes your heart flutter. "I'd like that," you reply softly.

You wrap your arms around him, feeling a sense of peace settle over you. For the first time in a long while, you feel truly happy and hopeful about the future.

"So," Lando says after a moment, a hint of mischief in his voice, "since I left Carlos' party early to come here... does that mean I get to stay the night?"

You laugh, playfully swatting his arm. "Cheeky," you tease, but there's no real accusation in your voice. Instead, you lean in and kiss him.

As the kiss intensifies, you both start moving towards the bed, hands roaming and clothes starting to come off. This time, there's no holding back, no pretending this is just a casual thing. Every touch, every kiss is infused with the promise of something lasting.

Two weeks later, you're in Baku for the Azerbaijan Grand Prix.

You're in the McLaren garage, eyes fixed on your tablet as you analyze the latest telemetry data. The familiar sounds of mechanics working and engineers discussing strategy fill the air, but you're completely focused on your task.

Suddenly, you sense a pair of eyes on you. Without turning, a smile tugs at your lips. You know exactly who it is.

"See something you like?" you ask playfully, still not looking up from your work.

You hear a low chuckle, then feel a warm presence behind you. "Just admiring my girlfriend," Lando's voice is soft, meant only for your ears.

He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you gently against him. His lips brush your shoulder in a tender kiss that sends a shiver down your spine.

The past fortnight has been a whirlwind of emotions and adjustments. True to his word, Lando has taken you on proper dates and you've made your relationship official. You still feel giddy every time Lando calls you his girlfriend, a fact that hasn't escaped his notice. He seems to take particular joy in introducing you as such, his eyes always seeking out your reaction.

"How's the data looking?" he says, giving you a quick squeeze.

"Pretty good, actually," you turn back to your tablet, but remain in his loose embrace. "Your last practice session showed some promising improvements in sector two."

"That's my girl," Lando murmurs, pride evident in his voice. "Always making me look good."

You chuckle, elbowing him gently. "You do that all on your own, superstar. I just provide the numbers."

You turn in Lando's arms, facing him with a soft smile. The garage bustles around you, but in this moment, it feels like you're in your own little bubble.

"You know," you say, your voice low, "I never thought I'd be standing here like this with you. In the middle of the garage, no less."

Lando's eyes crinkle as he grins, his hands resting comfortably on your waist. "Having second thoughts?" he teases.

"Not at all," you shake your head, your smile widening. "It's just different. Good different."

"The best kind of different," Lando agrees, echoing his words from that night in your hotel room.

"I should probably get back to work," you say reluctantly, not making any move to step away.

Lando nods, but doesn't loosen his hold on you. "Probably," he agrees, a mischievous glint in his eye. "But first…"

He leans in, pressing a quick but tender kiss to your lips. It's brief, mindful of your surroundings, but filled with promise.

As he pulls back, you can't help but laugh softly. "You're incorrigible, you know that?"

"You love it," Lando grins, finally releasing you from his embrace.

"I do," you admit, your heart full. "Now go on, superstar. You've got a car to drive soon."

As you watch him blow you a kiss which made you throw your head back in laughter as he left, your heart feels full.

You and Lando. Lando and You. Finally, together.

[godzexperiment]

thinking of nix- puppy eyes, pouty lower lip just slightly vibrating like 'hi yes can we play scrabble' just so visibly wanting to interact with somebody/have fun but so petrified they'll say no even if are pretty chill (of course no is an option, but doesn't mean he wont go off and be upset about it)

[thedamselzelda]

So Wake Me Up When It's All Over

Featuring: Chūya Nakahara

Author Chat: Hello everyone! I hope you guys are excited for this "Side B" as I'm calling it. Before you hop in, I want to give a little explanation to this installment of Dream A Little Dream Of Me. I wanted to emphasize the "every side has a story", and the fact that we don't all remember things the same, or interpret them as the same. Therefore, there will be some dialogue differences, but this version will follow similar dialogue as Side A: Dream A Little Dream Of Me in certain places. In summary, it's playing on the unreliable narrator trope slightly. You and Chūya just... saw the story a little differently. :)

wc: 11.8k, fem!reader, sfw with some warnings: mentions of PM activity (this includes but is not limited to human trafficking, manipulation, murder), mild cursing, slightly proofread (but im honestly so braindead rn after reading it over again, I just hope it comes out how it was intended), a little angsty again

Before Mori, you were a shadow - nameless property of the Port Mafia’s human trafficking ring, a tool for their whims. When he uncovered the ability you'd desperately hidden, he molded you into "someone". Yet even now, a part of you longed to simply close your eyes and awaken to a world where the weight on your shoulders felt lighter.

The oddly lit room in Mori's clinic cast strange shadows across your face as you stood, hovering over him while his pen scribbled across documents. You'd only been summoned here once or twice since he ascended to Port Mafia boss, and the unfamiliarity of the space set your nerves on edge. 

You tried to stand silently, but the soft clicking of your teeth betrayed you as you attempted to pull a sliver of skin from your thumb. Your other fingers were already red and raw from this compulsive habit, with scars and fresh blood pricking around them and underneath your nail beds. Behind your back, your nails mindlessly rubbed together, resulting in a similar state of damage. A nagging voice in your head insisted you needed to break this habit, but the compulsion was too strong to ignore. 

"Alright, my dear. I've finished with that business," Mori's voice cut through your spiraling thoughts as he swiveled in his chair to face you. With a weary sigh, he reached up and gently but firmly grasped your hand, pulling it away from your mouth. "My dear," he said, using your full name – a name that felt alien after your long assimilation with the Sheep. "I wish you'd stop this harmful habit." 

You glanced down at his hand clasped around yours, briefly considering biting the hand that interrupted your task. Instead, you settled for a look of pure disdain at the unwelcome contact. You gave a quick nod to move away from the subject, returning your hand to join the other behind your back, restarting the process once again. 

"What whispers do you bring me today?" Mori asked, his soft smile not quite masking his displeasure at the retreat of your hand. 

"One… I hope… you can c-confirm is not true, sir." You swallowed hard, anxiety building as he looked at you with growing curiosity. "Some… mafiosos, sir… they c-claim to have seen the old boss; that he has returned from the dead." 

Mori gave you an understanding nod before rising to his feet. He moved toward you, his hand lightly caressing falling strands of your hair from your face. The touch sent an involuntary shiver down your spine. "And I trust you silenced these whisperers?" 

Your eyes darted to his before quickly looking down, unable to hold his piercing gaze. "Of c-course, sir," you stammered. "Any who claimed that they would seek him out, to those who barely even questioned the rumor; all… silenced." 

Mori hummed contentedly, stroking your cheek with his thumb. The gesture felt possessive, making your skin crawl. "I promise you, my dear. The rumors are just that: rumors. I would never let the old boss return to bring harm to you." 

You forced an appreciative smile, hoping it would be enough to please him. Thankfully it was, as he returned to his chair, crossing his legs and fixing with you an expectant look. 

"In addition to these rumors," you continued, your stutter lessening as you focused on relaying information, "there is also information attached, saying Arahabaki might have something to do with his return. Uh-unfortunately, I have nothing additional to support that claim, sir." 

Mori nodded again, turning to grasp a ledger from the pile on his desk. He opened it, beginning to write down the information you'd shared. 

"About how many men did you kill because of this rumor?" he asked, his tone casual, as if inquiring about the weather. 

Your teeth pulled at a stray, chapped piece of skin before answering, "Tw-twelve, sir. In various positions, no one from the sub-executive or executive level." 

"Very good." He scribbled down your words, closing the book with a snap before turning back to you. "You've done very well; I'm very pleased." 

"Thank you, sir." You gave a slight bow of your head, awaiting his next words. 

"I suppose I'll have Dazai seek out the source of these rumors, see if there is any basis in them." 

You exhaled sharply at the mention of Dazai's name, but you remained silent. Mori gave you an expression of disappointment but continued. "Where are most of the rumors circulating from?" 

You felt a sharp prick within your nail as you spoke, "I traced them back to Suribachi City, sir." 

You brought your hand to the side, quickly examining it to find fresh blood trickling from underneath your nail and down your fingertip. You quickly looked up, sighing quietly in relief that Mori had returned to whatever had been on his desk before. 

"Tricky, that's within the Sheep's territory…" Mori looked around on the papers about his desk, as if looking for a specific document. You waited, teetering back and forth from heel to toe, anxiously awaiting his word of dismissal. He picked up a sheet of paper, pointing to an address. "Persuade the Sheep to go after this shipment of booze I just had imported. I'd much rather keep them busy with things that are easier to replace, wouldn't you say?" 

He gave you a look that left no room for disapproval, so you nodded quickly. You remained rooted to the spot however, mind racing as you processed the orders you'd been given. Slowly, you began to outline potential outcomes, your lips parting as a request formed on your tongue. But you quickly closed your mouth, unsure if you could make such a weighty plea. 

"Speak your mind," Mori said, his tone deceptively gentle as he rose from his chair. He approached you once more with measured steps, his hand finding your chin and tilting it upward. Your name left his lips in a hushed whisper, coaxing you to speak. 

"If... if anything h-happens," you began, your eyes darting between his. "All I ask is that no harm comes to them… throughout whatever you have planned. They're just children." 

Mori hummed, a knowing look in his eyes as he sensed your growing fondness for the children you'd watched over. 

"If it gets to that point, you have my word," Mori said, his thumb moving softly across your chin. The touch made you want to recoil. "However, for now, I need you to play your part, my dear." 

You bobbed your head, praying he'd let go. But Mori's hand stayed put, his eyes drilling into yours like he was trying to see through your mask. "One more thing, my dear," he said, his voice low and measured. "Ensure that our young friend doesn't damage any more of my planes. My patience, like my fleet, has limits."

You had to fight not to smirk, even as a flash of annoyance hit you thinking about the Sheep making calls without you there. "Got it," you mumbled, barely louder than a breath.

The door clicked open behind you, but you didn't move a muscle as Mori's eyes flicked to whoever was coming in.

"Well, if it isn't Dazai. Just who I wanted to see." Mori's gaze swung back to you, dismissive as hell. "You're excused. Do try to avoid further damage to those lovely hands of yours."

His fingers left your chin, and you watched him return to his seat. You seized the opportunity to retreat, exchanging a loaded glance with Dazai as you passed.

As you descended the stairs and exited Mori's clinic, your mind raced. What was Dazai's role in all this? He wasn't even an official Port Mafia member... Dazai “helping” Mori didn’t seem to be in the Mafia’s best interests, since he has on several occasions said ‘No’ to joining as an official member. Yet still, he always comes back…

"Penny for your thoughts, sweetheart?" A gentle tap on your forehead snapped you back to reality. You blinked, realizing you had mindlessly retrieved the spare helmet from Albatross without even acknowledging him.

"Sorry, just... got a lot on my mind," you said, shaking your head as if to dislodge the uneasy feeling settling in your gut about whatever exchange was now taking place between Mori and Dazai.

Albatross squinted at you, worry etched on his face. "You okay? Don’t tell me the boss is givin’ ya a hard time again?"

You forced a weak smile. "It's nothing. Just... you know, same bullshit, different day."

He nodded slowly, clearly unconvinced but knowing better than to press further. "Well, if you need to talk..."

"Thanks," you cut him off, not unkindly. "But right now, I just need to clear my head. Mind if we take the long way back? Same drop off as always."

Albatross grinned, revving the motorcycle's engine. "You got it, doll. Hold on tight."

You swung your leg over the seat, placing the helmet over your head. You leaned, wrapping your arms around him. Albatross barely waited for you to get situated before gunning it. The bike roared to life, lurching forward with enough force to make your stomach drop. The wind whipped past, tearing at your clothes and hair, drowning out the noise in your head. As the city blurred around you, you closed your eyes and leaned into Albatross's back. You tried to focus on the rumble of the engine, the rush of air against your skin, anything to push away the conflicting knot building within your stomach.

You heaved a heavy sigh as you closed the massive metal door behind you, its weight causing a dull thud to echo through the corridor. You knew it was only a matter of moments before the inevitable rush of kids descended upon you.

The newer recruits, some barely older than Chūya was when he first joined, were completely infatuated with you and your ability. Their wide-eyed enthusiasm didn’t bother you – it was the older kids that grated on your nerves a bit more. It was as though some of them felt entitled to your time, puffing up their chests and boasting about how long they've been around, how much they've seen. They insisted on needing a good night's rest and happier dreams over the younger ones, all fabricated thanks to your ability.

As you make your way down the dimly lit passageway, their excited voices begin to reach your ears, bouncing off the concrete walls.

"She's back! Ane-san's back!"

"Finally! We missed you!"

They flooded around you like a tidal wave, some grasping at your jacket with small, eager hands, others clinging to your fingers. You couldn’t help but bask in the feeling of being wanted, even if a part of you knew it wasn’t entirely yours to enjoy. The warmth of their admiration was a double-edged sword, comforting yet tinged with guilt.

Two of the children began to shove one another, their voices rising as they squabbled over who would get your attention tonight.

"I'm next, she promised!"

"No way, it's my turn!"

You rolled your eyes, reaching out to gently push them apart. "Hey, cool it, you two. I'll make time for both of you tonight, alright?" The compromise seemed to appease them, though they still eyed each other suspiciously.

Suddenly, the chatter began to lessen, a hush falling over the group. You followed their gaze to see a familiar figure approaching, his presence commanding attention even from the youngest recruits.

"Well, happy to see me, Nakahara?" you asked, unable to keep the teasing note from your voice as you meet Chūya's scowl. It was amusing to see how he always put on this prickly act when others are around. When you're alone, it's... different.

You watched as he shifted his weight, seemingly uncomfortable with the attention. He gave an irritated huff, crossing his arms defensively before speaking. "Did you come back with anything useful?"

A smirk tugged at the corner of your lips, amused by his attempts at nonchalance. "Of course. I never disappoint, do I?"

You caught the faintest hint of color creeping across his cheeks before he turned away quickly, hiding his face. "Whatever. Let's just get this over with," he grumbles, "so you can get back to filling their heads with your usual nonsense."

You couldn’t help but laugh, trying to muffle it behind your hand. Looking down at the sea of expectant faces, you started walking as you speak. "Sorry, kiddos. Gotta go for now. I'll catch up with you all later, promise."

A chorus of disappointed groans followed as you began to walk backwards toward Chūya. You waved them off with a playful grin, spinning around to fall into step beside him. You walked in silence for a moment, studying Chūya's profile.

The tension in his shoulders was evident, his jaw set in a tight line. Despite his stern demeanor, you couldn’t help but smile at his familiar presence. Your heart quickened slightly as you took in his features - his striking red hair, his intense bi-colored eyes.

"If you're that envious, I can give you a dream to see what they're so excited about." You reached out, placing your hand gently on his shoulder. Unexpectedly, he stopped, spinning around to face you, though your hand remained in place.

"I'm not jealous, alright?!" His voice cracked slightly. You offered him a soft, understanding look. His eyes meet yours, showing you a swirl of emotions swimming in their depths. You feel a familiar pull, as if you could lose yourself in that gaze if you're not careful.

You remembered his confession about not being able to dream, how he only experienced darkness. It explained his defensiveness, the vulnerability hiding beneath. "It's alright, Chūya. I remember you once told me you couldn't dream. I could at least try, that way we could find out if it's really true, you know?" You keep your voice gentle, hoping he doesn't interpret your words as mockery.

Chūya's eyes searched yours, seeming to weigh your sincerity. Instead of accepting, he clicked his tongue. You hear him saying your name in a hushed whisper as his hand wrapped around yours, slowly removing it from his shoulder. The brief contact caused your breath to hitch, and you fought off the unrealistic urge to intertwine your fingers with his.

"Whatever. This isn't the time for that right now, 'kay? We've got more important things to deal with."

"Oh, yeah," you responded, trying to maintain your composure despite wishing the moment of connection could have lasted longer. You forced yourself to refocus on the matters at hand. "I heard about your little show today. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you supposed to have approval from all council members to do something of that magnitude?"

You brushed past him, feeling his gaze following you as you continued down the corridor.

"We simply took a vote since you weren't here." The defensive edge in his voice was back, a clear sign you'd touched a nerve.

You sighed, waving your hand dismissively above your head. "I would've voted no, would've told the others to as well. You attacking a Mori Corp airplane has put a big target on us." You exhaled softly, muttering under your breath, "But what's done is done."

You smirked when you heard him scoff as he trailed behind you. A moment passed before his rebuttal came, "I was sendin' a message; had to show we aren't to be fucked with."

You turned quickly on your heel, and he stopped mere inches from your face. Your breath caught in your throat at his sudden accidental proximity. "Now, now, Chūya." You chided him, trying to give him a smooth smile. You hoped he couldn’t see how much you were having to keep yourself together. You didn't realize he was following you so closely. "Our time to act would've come, but now, because of you, we have to act. If you only patiently waited for my return, you'd know the rumors swirling about the Port Mafia now. Then, you'd know the time to strike would've been any time after yesterday."

He gave a small chuckle, as if you’d just told him a silly, pathetic joke. But you couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t step back. He simply smirked and leaned forward, to where you can feel the heat of his breath. Your pulse quickened, and you were suddenly acutely aware of every inch of space between you.

"Oh yeah? And why's that?" he asked, his voice low and challenging.

You trained your eyes on Chūya as you spoke, your gaze tracing the familiar contours of his face. No matter how many times you did this, it was still nerve-wracking. You weren't lying, merely directing the Sheep toward another path. Still, keeping your focus on him was the only thing that calmed your nerves, but you could see your lingering eye was having a different effect on him. A faint flush crept up his neck, though under different circumstances it would be barely noticeable.

Even when you tried to break eye contact, you caught Shirase giving you a small, knowing smile from the corner of your vision. It wasn't that he made you uncomfortable, but you understood the intentions behind it. You weren't oblivious to his advances. So, you always brought your gaze back to Chūya when you spoke, finding an inexplicable comfort in his bi-colored eyes.

"They'll be distracted for a while," you started, shifting your weight and placing a hand on your waist. You watched as Chūya's eyes darted to the map before him on the makeshift table. A tinge of something you couldn't quite place tugged at your chest. Had you done something wrong? You pushed the thought aside, telling yourself to focus on the task at hand.

"There are rumors circulating about the current boss and his predecessor. I guess the depths of hell couldn't hold him after all." Your voice carried a hint of bitterness you couldn't entirely mask.

You gritted your teeth as Mori's words echoed in your mind. I would never let the old boss come back to harm you. You blinked harshly, shaking off the thought. You weren't someone important to him; just Mori's messenger as the old boss lay dying. You didn't cause what happened to him... besides, Mori saved you for a purpose, for a reason.

Your finger landed on the exact location Mori had shown you earlier, shifting it between two spots close together on the worn map. "So, it's the perfect time to strike. Two cases of newly imported liquor, with four or five men each guarding them. The Port Mafia will be too preoccupied with handling the rumors to properly defend them."

You had barely finished speaking when a familiar groan left Chūya's lips. Here he went again. "No. No way."

You scoffed, straightening up to rest your hand once more on your hip. "Something wrong, your majesty? We can handle it, even if you don't wanna join. It's a quick in and out."

He shook his head, walking around the table and other council members to stand before you. The sudden proximity made your heart skip a beat. There was no need for this; he had already been directly across from you. Why the sudden move?

"That's too dangerous regardless, and for some booze?" He gave you a look of uncertainty, his brow furrowed as if trying to decipher your reasoning. "You want to send barely armed, non-ability users into Port Mafia territory? Are you tryin' to get 'em killed?"

You raised an eyebrow in question, meeting his intense gaze. "Who said I wasn't gonna go with them?"

You studied him for a moment as his eyes darted between yours. You could see he was debating the possibility of it going wrong, something that was always smart to consider. However, you knew there was nothing to worry about. It would be no issue since Mori had directed you to the cache.

His face shifted in frustration, settling for questioning you further. "And what if somethin' goes wrong?" His voice sounded gruffer than usual, a hint of concern lacing his words. "We can't just throw the Sheep into danger on a whim, a rumor."

You stood straighter and thinned your lips at the assumption, feeling a pang of hurt that he doubted your judgment. You had never led the Sheep astray with your suggestions. But you kept quiet, clasping your hands behind your back and began picking at your nails again, not wanting to argue further with him. "We could vote, if that would make the decision easier?"

You swept your gaze across the room, observing as the others exchanged whispers and uncertain glances. Chūya's exasperated sigh from beside you broke the hushed murmurs. "Obviously my vote's 'no'."

Your eyes locked with Shirase's, and he gave you a subtle nod, signaling his agreement. You returned a simple nod of acknowledgment, hoping he wouldn't misinterpret it as anything more than gratitude. The rest of the group seemed indecisive. They had agreed with you plenty of times before, but with Chūya disagreeing, they appeared conflicted about going against their "king".

Another huff of irritation escaped Chūya's lips. "Fine, but I'm not savin' your asses if you get caught."

"No." You looked among the others in the room, noting the tension in their postures and the uncertainty in their eyes. It dawned on you that a true decision couldn't be made with you present; your mere presence was swaying the votes. 

"I'll leave the room, allowing everyone the opportunity for an anonymous vote, that way no one feels pressured. Chūya has doubts." You turned to meet his eyes again, confusion painted across his face. "You should at least state your case. I have the others to tend to anyway now that my job's done."

Your eyebrows furrowed as you turned to leave, a mix of emotions churning within you. Mori wanted them distracted by the easy grab for a reason, but you couldn't force the decision upon them. It was too risky to push so hard. Instead, you'd let them come to their own conclusion. And if that conclusion was to not go... well, you'd just have to find another way.

As you reached for the door handle, you cast one last glance over your shoulder. The dim light cast long shadows across the room, highlighting the tension in Chūya's shoulders and the uncertainty on the faces of the other Sheep members. With a quiet sigh, you stepped out into the corridor, leaving them to make their decision without your influence.

You tiptoed out of the small room, your footsteps barely audible on the cold concrete floor. Even if you had made a sound, you knew the children wouldn't stir from the sleep you'd induced - not until well into the morning. As soon as you closed the door, a voice piped up, your name spoken with giddy anticipation. You turned to see two teens standing before you, their eyes bright with excitement despite the late hour.

"Please, can it be our turn now?" one asked eagerly.

"Yeah, we'd like a good night's rest with fun dreams too," the other chimed in.

You sighed, already feeling somewhat drained from soothing the other two to sleep. You were wary about using your ability again in such quick succession. That was the downside of your power; utilizing it too much and too quickly rendered you susceptible to its effects. You didn't say 'no', however, preferring the physical exhaustion over the nagging that would ensue well into your next return.

You followed them up to the warehouse attached to the Sheep's underground base. The metal stairs creaked under your feet as you ascended. Some preferred the silence of the city instead of the eerie echoing of the tunnels. You wouldn't know what either felt like, as you hardly slept anywhere that wasn't your apartment.

You watched as they settled into their tattered futons with eagerness, though exhaustion was etched across their young faces. The dim light cast long shadows across the warehouse, emphasizing the wear and tear of their makeshift beds.

You knelt down, sitting on the back of your heels with your hands in your lap. "So, what's the dream you two want to experience?" you asked softly.

"Ooh! I wanna have a dream where I take charge of a mission and it's super successful!" the first teen exclaimed.

"And I wanna dream about killing some of those Port Mafia executives! They—" the second began, but you cut him off.

"No. I'm not giving you that," you said firmly, pressing your lips into a thin line and giving him a stern look.

"But—" he tried to protest.

You closed your eyes and shook your head, "That's not the purpose of the Sheep. Our purpose is to defend territory, not kill mercilessly."

The boy huffed in disappointment, crossing his arms over his chest. He mumbled something, but it was too incoherent for you to understand.

You sighed, "I'll just give you the same dream if you don't speak up now."

"Fine," he grumbled.

You grabbed his shoulder, your touch gentle but firm. "Hey, if you go to sleep angry, it'll modify the dream. Cut that out."

You motioned your hands in front of your chest, encouraging him to breathe in and out to soothe himself. The cool night air filled your lungs as you demonstrated, hoping he'd follow suit.

"Hey, you're still gonna kick ass in this dream, so it's the next best thing," you assured him with a small smile.

He gave a small smirk in return, still slightly unsatisfied but noticeably calmer.

They both proceeded to bundle into their futons, taking deep breaths and closing their eyes. The warehouse fell silent save for their steady breathing and the distant sounds of the city beyond.

You motioned your hands above their heads, reciting once more within your head: Ability: Exhaustion. A faint blue and purple hue emitted from your hands, trickling down upon their heads. You watched as their breathing deepened; the tense looks on their faces dissipating before your eyes. Peace overtook them as you placed them within the beginning phases of sleep, tucking away the dream within their mind for REM sleep.

A soft whisper of your name came from behind. Your hands instinctively closed into fists, recognizing the voice immediately. He always seemed to find you, no matter where you were. Taking a deep breath, you turned to face him.

Your heart skipped a beat as your eyes met Chūya's. He looked... tired. Deep shadows lurked under his mismatched eyes, and there was a slight slump to his usually confident posture. Despite this, he still exuded an aura of strength that had always drawn you to him, though you wished you could help alleviate the struggles that must’ve come with being called ‘king’.

Without a word, you stood and walked towards him, casting a glance back at the sleeping forms of your fellow Sheep members. Chūya's voice was low, tinged with curiosity as he whispered to you.

"I thought your ability was just making dreams?"

A small smile tugged at your lips, finding his interest in your ability both amusing and endearing. Not many in the Sheep understood the complexities of your power; you rarely spoke about it in detail.

"Dreams are just one part of it," you explained softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "I can manipulate the entire sleep cycle, pushing someone through the stages to fit the situation. However, I'd say the real power in my ability is controlling sleep's restorative effects."

You watched as Chūya nodded, his brow furrowing in concentration as he tried to grasp the concept. The sight was... cute, for lack of a better word. The fierce fighter of the Sheep, looking like a puzzled schoolboy.

"So, you're what? Giving them super-sleep?" His eyes met yours as he spoke, a hint of amusement dancing in their depths.

You couldn't help but let out a small laugh, quickly stifling it to avoid disturbing the sleepers. "Sure, something like that, I guess. They'll wake up from the best sleep they've probably had in years."

As you studied his face, illuminated by the soft moonlight filtering through the abandoned building's dirty windows, you realized now was the time. You hadn't mentioned Arahabaki; that information wasn’t quite for the Sheep. With a quiet huff and a nervous laugh, you snaked your arm around his, feeling the warmth of his body through his worn jacket.

"Let's go," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I have one more piece of info to give."

Chūya instantly began to protest, pulling you back slightly. "What? Where are we going?"

You leaned in close, your lips nearly brushing his ear as you cupped your hand around your mouth. Your whisper was so soft it was barely audible, even to him. "Somewhere the walls can't listen."

You linked your arm around Chūya's once again, gently tugging him along as you began to lead him down the dimly lit corridors of the warehouse. The contact felt oddly intimate, even though you hadn't intended it to be. Gradually, you felt him relax against you, even pushing his arm closer, your arm now flush with his side. The warmth of his body seeped through the thin fabric of your clothes, and you tried not to dwell on the sensation, instead focusing on the roof access door just ahead.

Unfortunately, a voice called your name from behind, shattering the moment. You internally groaned, your face twisting into a mask of irritation. Why was Shirase always appearing at the most inopportune times?

You spun around quickly, pulling Chūya with you. Your lips thinned as you saw Shirase's eyes darting between you and Chūya as he approached.

"Shirase," you said, your tone leaving no doubt about your displeasure at the interruption.

His hand ran through his unkempt hair as he spoke, "Hey, so... I was wondering if you'd mind, maybe... you know." He raised his hands, wiggling his fingers in a poor imitation of your ability. "Doing that thing... your ability.. on me? I wanna see what all the others have been talkin' about."

You knew his true intentions - he only wanted to be alone with you, to try and get to know you better. But he would never get the chance. You'd never let anyone in the Sheep know the real you. They liked this persona, this façade you played. Some days, you preferred this role more than who you were in the Mafia.

"I'm honestly super tired, Shirase," you lied smoothly. "I already put four kids to sleep. I'm also leaving early in the morning for the next assignment, since I'm guessing we aren't going for the booze." Your eyes darted beside you to Chūya, then back to Shirase. "You know how it is."

Shirase's face fell before you, his attempted charm crumbling as you rejected him.

"Oh... yeah, sure. I totally understand. It's no big deal. Maybe some other time." You watched as Shirase gave Chūya a look, his eyes lingering on your linked arms.

You cleared your throat, hating that Chūya was receiving more of Shirase's anger than you, who was actively denying his request. "Look, Shirase. I appreciate the thought, but my ability isn't something that I can just use whenever I wish. It takes a lot out of me, and right now, I want to conserve my energy for tomorrow. You get it, right?"

His eyes fell to the floor as he mumbled a reply, "Yeah, of course. The mission always comes first."

"But hey, like you said, maybe some other time." Instinctively, you tensed your arm against Chūya's, wishing this awkward moment would quickly end. "We should all get some good rest."

Shirase mumbled a disheartened goodbye, shuffling off back down the corridor, allowing you to finally relax your arm.

"Well... that was..." Chūya broke the silence once Shirase's form had disappeared into the shadows.

"Yeah," you sighed out, trying to laugh it off. "It was. Come on, I still have something I've gotta tell you."

You finished the short walk to the door, pushing it open to welcome the cool night air. Grasping a rung of the ladder, you began to hoist yourself up, climbing at a steady pace. As you ascended, your eyes fixed on the star-studded sky above, an uneasy feeling settled in your gut. Telling Chūya about the possibility of Arahabaki was one thing but informing him of Dazai's incursion into Suribachi City to search for leads... you debated whether to even mention it.

Reaching the top, you pulled yourself onto the roof with a triumphant sigh. Glancing down, you saw Chūya looking up at you, and a playful smirk spread across your face. "Couldn't you have used your ability to get up here quicker?"

A laugh bubbled up from below as he reached the top of the ladder. "Where would've been the fun in that? Besides, I was just followin' your lead. Chivalry isn't dead, you know."

You chuckled, offering a playful, albeit pathetic, curtsy. "Oh, how very valiant of you, King Chūya."

Turning on your heel, you walked to the edge of the roof and settled down. Chūya soon joined you, the warmth of his leg brushing against yours. Your eyes, however, remained trained on the vast expanse of stars above.

Knowing that you'd likely be absent from the Sheep for some time, depending on what Dazai discovered tomorrow, you decided to start there. "I'll... I'll probably be gone for a while."

"Oh? You plannin' a vacation or somethin'?" Chūya's tone was light, almost teasing.

You huffed out a laugh, grateful for his attempt to keep things casual. "Wouldn't you want to stay out longer after an awkward encounter like that? I think I heard Siberia's lovely this time of year."

Glancing over, you caught the smirk playing on his lips. "I haven't really been on the receivin' end of attention like that."

You shifted to face him, feigning exasperation. "Are you kidding me? Yuan literally has hearts over her eyes whenever you so much as breathe in her direction."

Chūya's eyebrows shot up, genuine surprise evident in his mismatched eyes. It stirred an odd feeling in your stomach, but it lessened when he shook his head dismissively. "Nah, I don't really notice her like that. She just probably wants to see my ability or somethin'."

Your lips curved downward as you looked away, pondering if that was the only reason any of them showed interest in either of you. "That's the thing though, isn't it?"

Pulling your legs to your chest, you rested your chin upon your knees. The city lights sparkled below, a pale comparison of the view from your apartment. "It's like... to them, we're these larger-than-life beings. Not quite gods, but not quite human either. In the Sheep's eyes, we can do anything. We are the kings and queens because they believe we are."

Silence fell between you. You glanced at Chūya, who sat staring out at the bright cityscape. Your gaze dropped to your fingers, absentmindedly picking at the skin you hadn't quite finished earlier in Mori's office.

"But we're not," Chūya's voice drew your attention back to him. "I'm no king, not a leader... even though they keep callin' me one. We're just... us, right?"

You turned and his eyes were already on you, piercing in a way that seemed to glow in the dim light. A soft smile graced your lips, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken connection between you. But beneath that smile lay the weight of your true identity - not just a girl, but a watcher, a listener, a member of the Port Mafia. The looming specter of your inevitable departure from the Sheep hung heavy in the air, an unspoken truth you couldn't bring yourself to share with Chūya.

"Yeah," you answered, your voice barely above a whisper. "We are. But sometimes, I wonder if anyone else sees that anymore." Your gaze drifted back to the night sky, legs stretching out before you. Your hands resumed their nervous habit, picking and rubbing at your skin with increasing intensity. The familiar sting of raw flesh signaled you were digging deeper than usual, a physical manifestation of your inner turmoil.

Suddenly, warmth enveloped your hand as Chūya's fingers intertwined with yours. You looked up, meeting his concerned gaze, and felt an immediate sense of grounding. It was as if his touch alone could anchor you in the present, pushing away the storm of thoughts threatening to overwhelm you.

"There's something else..." you began hesitantly, "about the old Port Mafia boss. Something I can't say with everyone else around." Your grip on Chūya's hand tightened involuntarily.

"Yeah? What about him?" Chūya's voice was low, encouraging.

You swallowed hard, steeling yourself. This man - the former boss - was the reason you had endured the horrors of human trafficking. The whispers of his worsening illness were just the tip of the iceberg compared to the darker secrets you had shared with Mori.

"The rumors... his return is tied with Arahabaki somehow." The words felt heavy on your tongue, laden with implications you didn't fully understand.

Chūya shifted, leaning in close until his face was mere inches from yours. His eyes widened, a mix of disbelief and intense curiosity. "What? What do you mean? How?"

You shook your head, frustration evident in your furrowed brow. "That's all I know. Just that they were somehow mixed together. I really did try to find out more for you, I really did. I'm sorry." The apology tumbled out, unbidden.

Chūya's shoulders sagged slightly, but his gaze remained sympathetic. "Hey, nothin' to be sorry about. I mean, I know getting' that information must already be hard enough to get."

You hummed in agreement. He wasn't wrong. The process of tracking down rumors and coercing men to loosen their tongues was far from pleasant. It often led to situations that left you feeling hollow and used, a reminder of your past you'd rather forget.

A forced smile tugged at your lips. "Anything to do with the Port Mafia is always exhausting. Even if I'm... even after being their property..." You trailed off, realizing you had nearly revealed too much. A fleeting thought of Dazai crossed your mind - he would be near Suribachi soon. If Chūya found him, he might uncover more about the Arahabaki connection.

"Oh, but there's something else." You squeezed his hand, drawing his attention back to you. For a moment, you hesitated, your gaze flickering between his eyes and his lips. The weight of the information you possessed felt suffocating. "I also heard that a Port Mafia member would be searching around Suribachi tomorrow, looking for more leads."

The words rushed out, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. As soon as they left your lips, you felt a twinge of regret, as if you had set something irreversible in motion.

Chūya's reaction was immediate. "Dammit. Of course they're gonna fuck around in our territory." He groaned, his gaze sweeping across the cityscape as if he could spot the intruders already. Then, a spark of realization lit his eyes. "But, it could be an opportunity."

You reached out to grip Chūya's jacket with your free hand, a sudden feeling of dread washing over you. "Just... just promise me, nothing reckless. Not like you did today." Your voice trembled slightly, betraying the depth of your concern.

A playful smile spread across Chūya's face, his teeth glinting slightly in the dim light. The sight of it eased your worry, if only a little. "Shouldn't I be tellin' you that? You're the one constantly puttin' yourself in bad situations. Always in the Port Mafia's business. I'm sure you're like, number one enemy on their list."

You wanted to laugh, but you kept yourself composed, playing the part you had been forced to adopt all these years. Even though the emotions were genuine, you had to maintain your facade. "I have my ways. Men are easily persuaded with a good dream and restful sleep." The words tasted bitter on your tongue, a reminder of the methods you sometimes had to employ.

Chūya huffed out a laugh, causing you to join in despite yourself. You were surprised when he asked, "Speaking of, if you were to give me a dream, what it'd be?"

Your eyes drifted back to the cityscape, noticing how some lights were beginning to go out as the night wore on. Yet the brightness of the city never truly dimmed, not until the break of day. You gave his question some thought, wanting to craft a dream he'd be excited about, something he'd strive toward. You always gave dreams with purpose.

"Well, I'd have to say a good life... one where... you didn't constantly worry about us, the Sheep, or even if it wasn't us, just whoever you lead. Where being seen as a 'king' had the simple meaning of being strong and respected; where you didn't constantly worry about the weight on your shoulders." You turned back to him, seeing genuine surprise in his eyes. "I'd make that true for you."

He nodded, looking away with a smile playing on his lips. You could see he liked the idea, though you knew you wouldn't have enough time or energy to give him a dream like that tonight.

"Sounds like a good dream." He waited a moment before nudging your shoulder with his, his voice taking on a lighter tone. "But hey, who needs dreams when we've got this?"

His hand swept out to encompass the surroundings, but your eyes remained fixed on him. You couldn't help but smile at the way he refused to stay serious for long, not when it was just the two of you.

You exhaled, rolling your eyes playfully, "For sure, we're living our best lives here in our luxury penthouse."

"Exactly!" His grin widened as he began to elaborate, "What with these five-star accommodations, breathtaking view, and excellent company..."

You pressed your lips together, trying to suppress a wide smile as heat crept up your face.

"I mean, what more could a guy ask for?"

You couldn't contain yourself any longer, laughter bubbling up from your chest. It was partly because of the irony of it all. In your other life, you had everything he described – luxury at your beck and call. You weren't an executive yet, but you still had everything you could want, even while, in reality, having quite nothing at all.

As your laughter subsided, you spoke softly, "You know, whatever happens with all this Port Mafia business, whatever you learn about Arahabaki during all this... I think it's gonna be all okay, 'cause we've got this, right? You, me, the Sheep... we're gonna figure it all out."

"Yeah, for sure. We've got this." Chūya's voice was warm, reassuring.

An idea suddenly struck you as you sat in thought some more. You let go of his hand, noting his quizzical look as you unzipped your jacket. "Here."

He hummed questioningly as you balled up your jacket, fashioning a makeshift pillow. You patted it gently, encouraging him to lay his head down.

"I'm gonna give you a dream. A quick one, twenty minutes tops."

He hesitated for a moment, so you nudged his shoulder. "Oh yeah? I'm pretty sure that dream of yours would take a little longer than twenty minutes."

You chuckled, watching as he finally rested his head against your jacket. You brought your hand up, hovering over his forehead. "No, I just had another idea. This dream is gonna be where you'd actually win when we play an arcade game for once."

His hand shot up, grasping your wrist. His grip wasn't tight, but he moved it away from his face to look at you. "Hey! That was one time."

You smirked, leaning down until your faces were inches apart. "Oh yeah? Then how come you keep losing?"

A scoff escaped his lips as he released your wrist. You shook your head as you straightened up, scooting closer as he mumbled, "Whatever, let's just try and see if you can get me this dream."

Your hand darted away from his face, lightly tapping his chest. "Hey, knock that off. Even if you act like you're angry, you might affect the dream and lose again, so stop it."

His lips curved up slightly as he closed his eyes, exhaling deeply.

You did the same, before reciting aloud, "Ability: Exhaustion."

You watched as Chūya's face softened, his breathing becoming steady as he succumbed to the effects of your ability. You hoped a dream would manifest, wishing for it with all your might. You wanted to prove him wrong, not for the sake of being right, but for him to feel slightly more human. Even if it was just as simple as a dream.

Within the early hours of the morning, you gave an exhausted sigh as you climbed down the ladder into the dark caverns of the Sheep's underground tunnels. The metal rungs were cold against your palms as you descended, your muscles aching with fatigue. Running around on orders from Mori for the past couple of days while also keeping up with the demanding concerns for the Sheep were beginning to weigh on you. You hadn't been back since you returned Akira and Shougo to the base, quickly scolding them about going on missions without you or Chūya, quickly adding you wanted to stay far from Port Mafia activity, which everyone understood. 

Despite hoping for peace in these early hours, shouting amongst the members reached your ears, with Shirase's voice rising above the rest. As you neared the commotion, your concern grew. Your fingers began to rub together in anxious anticipation. 

"He's one of them now!” 

“He knows everything!" 

"He'll rat us out!” 

“What if he's been a spy this whole time?!" Yuan’s voice spoke up with concern. 

Dread pooled in your stomach as you neared the source of the commotion. You approached the cracked open makeshift door, giving it a slight push as you entered. The hinges groaned in protest, and everyone in the room immediately looked at you, whispering your name under their breaths.  

Shirase approached you, a look of anger upon his face. His usually boyish features were twisted into something ugly and unfamiliar. "Did your boyfriend tell you what he was doing? Joining the Port Mafia?" 

Your expression twisted from concern to anger, the emotions genuine despite your act. "He's not my boyfriend, Shirase. And I have no idea what you're talking about." 

You tried your best to keep your voice steady, staying focused on the act you had been forced to play for so long, hoping this moment it wouldn't crumble as you were being verbally attacked. 

"Well, Chūya seems to have joined the Port Mafia," Shirase spat. "Ever since you went up to the roof alone with him, something's been off." 

You took a step forward, getting in his face, your anxiety fueling your aggression. "I only went up to the roof to talk with him. I haven't even seen him since." 

He leaned in slightly, his eyes narrowing. "Oh yeah? Then why did you two go up there alone, huh?" 

"Well, honestly, I don't see how that's any information for you," you retorted. "But since you're so ready to point fingers, I gave him a dream with my ability. That was it." 

His expression darkened as he looked at you, as if you had finally shattered that last bit of boyish affection he held for you. 

You gave a slight smirk in satisfaction, even though it was probably out of character. You were beginning to see the point of Mori and Dazai's plan now. It was never about watching the Sheep. 

Your voice lowered to a hushed tone, so only Shirase could hear. "When you don't ask, my willingness to do things out of my own volition means more." 

His jaw clenched as he backed away from you. A vein throbbed at his temple, his eyes flashing with a mixture of anger and betrayal. "Fuck this, I'm done with your games," Shirase spat, his voice laced with venom. He spun on his heel, striding back to the makeshift table – a weathered piece of plywood balanced precariously on cinder blocks. Leaning against it, he addressed the group, his tone cold and final. "Chūya's out. No debate. We're here to decide what that means for us." 

"Hold on a damn minute!" You surged forward. Your gaze swept across the crowd of teens – faces you'd known for years, now twisted with suspicion and hurt. "You all named him king! And now what? What do you guys plan to do?" 

Silence fell like a heavy blanket. Eyes darted between faces, but no one dared speak. The only sound was the distant drip of water echoing through the tunnels. 

Shirase's voice cut through the quiet, devoid of emotion. "We're allying with GSS. Chūya knows too much." The words hung in the air, and you realized with dawning horror that this decision had been made long before you'd arrived. 

Your lips parted, shock coursing through your body. They meant to kill Chūya. This wasn't just faction politics – this was murder. You'd planted seeds of doubt in Shirase's mind through his dream, true, but you never imagined it would lead to this brutal conclusion. 

"You can't – you can't seriously be considering killing him," you hissed, your voice raw with disbelief. "He's—" 

"He's Port Mafia now!" Shirase roared your name, slamming his fist on the table. "Protecting the Sheep comes first. Always." 

You took an involuntary step back, shaking your head. "This isn't us. This isn't who we are. I won't be part of this." 

As you turned to leave, two Sheep members stepped into your path, their faces grim. One spoke, his voice tinged with regret, "We can't let you go. You might warn him." 

You stared at them incredulously. "I don't even know where he is!" 

"Maybe not," another voice chimed in from behind, "but who's to say you won't join him? Betray us like he did?" 

The realization hit you like a physical blow. You spun around to find the entire group had encircled you, closing ranks. Panic fluttered in your chest as you felt hands grip your shoulders. 

Instinct took over. You activated your ability, feeling the familiar rush of power course through you. The hands on your shoulders went slack as their owners crumpled to the floor. 

Ability: Exhaustion, you intoned within your head. A shimmering, lavender aura radiated from your body, filling the cramped space. One by one, the Sheep members began to sway on their feet. Eyes drooped, limbs grew heavy. Bodies slumped against the rough-hewn walls or collapsed onto the concrete floor. 

You turned quickly, grasping the edge of the makeshift door, its rusted hinges groaning in protest as you pushed it beyond its limit to steady yourself. Carefully, you stepped over the fallen forms of your former comrades, pushing back your own exhaustion beginning to overwhelm you. A mumbled version of your name made you pause. 

Turning, you saw Shirase upon the floor, struggling against the effects of your ability. His eyelids fluttered as he fought to stay conscious, his jaw set with determination even now. 

You met his gaze, your voice low and filled with a mixture of sadness and resolve. "A good leader doesn’t act upon assumptions. Chūya… he did everything right… I made you feel like this… Wherever you end up, Shirase… you’ll regret what you’ve done, just as I am. And long after… you’ll still remember how you were leader for a day." 

You pushed open the doors of Mori’s office with vigor. 

“Mori! Mori! The Sheep… t-they mean to kill him! They—they… they’ve allied with GSS!” 

Your eyes dart frantically between Dazai and Mori as tears begin to cloud your vision. Mori quickly arose as your breathing as it became more erratic. 

“You—you can’t let them kill him! Please! He did nothing wrong!” Tears began to stream down your face as you cried. Mori grasped your forearms firmly. 

Mori's grip on your forearms tightened, his fingers digging into your flesh. His voice was smooth, a calculated attempt at reassurance. "Compose yourself. I assure you, Chūya's life is not at risk." 

You struggled to breathe, your chest heaving with panicked gasps. Mori's grip remained firm, anchoring you. "Breathe deeply. No harm will come to the boy." 

“It’s all going how it should,” Dazai spoke from behind him, saying your name as though you should’ve known this was coming.  

Your breathing hitched as you listened to him, processing his words. Anger quickly took over your anxiety as you bolted from Mori’s grip, grasping onto the fabric of Dazai’s shirt and jacket as you slammed him against the bookshelf. Heavy books rattled with the impact, and Dazai's breath left him in a rush. 

"This was your doing?!" You snarled, your face inches from his. "You planned all of it?! You knew I would tell him about you investigating around Suribachi!" Angry tears threatened to spill over as you glared into Dazai's exposed eye, dark and fathomless as the abyss. "You heartless bastard! We're not just pawns in your game, Dazai! We're people – kids! Do you even care?" 

Mori spoke your name from behind you, “That’s enough.” 

You released Dazai, his heels hitting the floor with a soft click. Your gaze remained fixed on him; fists clenched at your sides as you fought the urge to strike him. Thoughts flooded through your mind – the arcade, the capture and release of Akira and Shougo, your instructions to sway the Sheep against Chūya. It had all been Dazai's means. 

"What makes you so certain he'll join?" You spat. "One successful mission together and you think that's enough to win him over?" 

A cold smile played at the corners of Dazai's mouth. "My plans don't rely on dreams or chance. They come to fruition through careful design." He gave you a pointed look before turning to leave. "I'll handle the rest, Mori. My team needs briefing." 

You whirled to face Mori, who had returned to his seat behind the imposing desk. "You gave me your word. No harm would come to them." 

Mori didn't look up as he spoke, his voice eerily calm. "The order stands. No child will be harmed. Our target is GSS alone." 

A small measure of relief washed over you as you watched Dazai's retreating form. At least that directive would be followed. 

"Now," Mori's voice drew your attention back. "Your Sheep assignment has concluded. I have a new task for you." 

You looked down, fingers fidgeting restlessly as you braced yourself for Mori's words. A simmering anger burned within you - you had unwittingly played into Dazai's hand, following orders blindly as you always had. The realization of your own stupidity bit at you, promising to haunt your thoughts for a long time.

Mori's voice cut through the tense silence. "A troublesome syndicate in Tokyo requires... attention. Infiltrate and dismantle from within."

You shifted your weight, eyes still fixed on the intricate patterns of the carpet beneath you. "Departure time?" Your voice was steady, betraying none of the chaos stirring inside.

"Soon. You'll have time to... conclude matters here." A note of cruel amusement crept into Mori's voice, sending a chill down your spine. "I imagine our newest recruit will be quite interested in learning where your true allegiances lie."

You refused to give him the satisfaction of a reaction, your face a carefully crafted mask of indifference. "Understood, sir. But... but please, if I can make one request?" The words tumbled out before you could stop them, a rare moment of vulnerability in Mori's presence.

Mori's head bowed slightly, a wordless allowance for you to continue.

You swallowed hard, gathering your courage. "I-I don't want him to know. I want... I want to just let him be here... in peace. If he knew, I fear it would... just make things harder for him." Your voice trembled slightly, the weight of your deception heavy on your shoulders.

To your surprise, Mori nodded, a flicker understanding passing across his features.

"Despite your emotional outburst," Mori's voice halted you as you turned to leave, "your performance was commendable. I am interested to see where your time with the Onikai takes you."

A short hum of acknowledgment escaped your lips as you resumed your exit. The gravity of the situation settled over you, knowing it would be a long time before you returned to this room. The thought bothered you, your mind racing with questions about the life Chūya would lead in your absence, wondering if this twisted path was truly the life you had dreamed for him after all.

You stood before the full-length mirror, hands gliding over the luxurious maroon silk of your floor-length gown, smoothing out imaginary wrinkles. Your fingers drifted upwards, fidgeting with the delicate gold chains artfully woven through your hair. A soft sigh escaped your lips as you lowered your arms, steeling yourself for the evening ahead. Even with the special security clearance expediting your journey, the drive to the venue would take a solid hour.

Your gaze locked with your reflection, a stranger staring back. After everything that had happened, you wondered if you even recognized yourself anymore. What would Mori say when he saw you tonight? No doubt he was eager for your return, especially now that his right-hand had abruptly departed. But the thought of facing him sent a shiver down your spine. How could you confront him when you barely knew the woman in the mirror?

"My lady?"

The gentle call snapped you from your reverie. You turned to see Yue, your ever-loyal assistant, standing in the doorway. Her eyes, filled with a mix of respect and concern, swept over your form.

"The cars are ready for departure, ma'am," she said softly. Noting your hesitation, she added, "Unless... you'd like for me to tell them to hold off?"

"No," you replied, pressing your glossed lips together. Better to arrive early and have the option to leave early, you reasoned. "I'm ready. We can go now."

Your heels clicked a steady rhythm against the hardwood floors as you strode past Yue, hearing her fall into step behind you. Without breaking stride, you scooped up the elegant peacoat draped over the back of your couch, making your way to the elevator.

As the doors slid open, you stepped inside, Yue close on your heels. She flipped through her ever-present clipboard, ever efficient.

"Did you want to go over the guest list that Mister Mori sent over?" she inquired. "It might help—"

"In the car," you cut her off, your attention fixed on your phone as you scrolled through a flood of emails and reports that had arrived in the last hour. "Did you inform Daisuke that I would be out? That he would have to keep watch for a bit?"

"O-of course, ma'am." Yue's eager response barely registered as you mentally braced yourself for the onslaught of faces – familiar and new – all gathered under the pretense of corporate camaraderie.

You swept into the lobby as the elevator doors parted, your purposeful stride never faltering. Employees bowed respectfully as you passed. The doorman of the Mori Corp Tokyo Satellite campus held the door, allowing you to glide effortlessly towards the sleek black car waiting outside.

As you reached for the handle, Yue swiftly intercepted, opening the door for you. A flicker of irritation crossed your face - you were more than capable of such a simple task. Yet, you couldn't stay annoyed. You were their boss, their Mori; you commanded their attention and respect. You had more than earned it after four years.

Settling into the plush leather of the back seat, you crossed your legs and propped your chin upon your hand. Yue took her place beside you, and the car pulled away, the city's bustling daytime activity beginning to blur past the tinted windows.

You squeezed your eyes shut, silently willing Yue not to bring up the guest list again. The last thing you wanted was to hear his name spoken aloud if executives would be present. You had told him to forget, yet here you were, still drowning in memories.

Your mind drifted to that day on the beach. You stood shrouded in black, a hood shadowing your eyes from the harsh midday sun. Dazai's men surrounded you, but every fiber of your being yearned to rush forward, to slow the wound that Shirase's knife had undoubtedly inflicted. Your hands fidgeted restlessly as you listened to Dazai's exchange with Chūya, still toying with him even as he sat in obvious pain.

"Got that, everyone? As we discussed earlier, no hurting the kids." Dazai's voice cut through the salty air as he leapt from his perch. The men parted, leaving you standing alone. Dazai's amused expression as he approached caused a churning feeling in your stomach. His voice dropped to a whisper meant only for you, "Pathetic ‘king’. He'll make a much better dog."

You scowled as Dazai darted past, heading towards the cliffside where GSS and the Sheep awaited. Then it was just you and Chūya on the sun-drenched edge of the beach. He hadn't noticed you yet, which you understood. You doubted he even suspected your presence.

Your feet carried you through the lazy push and pull of the tide, oblivious of the growing weight of your soaked jacket. It wasn't until you crouched before him, guilt overwhelming you at the sight of his pained grimace, that he finally realized your presence. His lips parted, but you spoke first.

"Heard some rumors about you, Chūya," the words tasted bitter on your tongue. "And about the Sheep."

You pulled a handkerchief from your jacket, eyes scanning his injuries. "The Sheep... the Port Mafia is going to split them up, that way... something like this doesn't happen again."

His hazel and azure eyes darted frantically between yours. "What about you?"

You offered a soft, sad smile, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. Reaching out, you gently swept the stray hairs from his face, damp with sweat from the heat and pain. You longed to stay with him, to wait by his side, but that wasn't why Dazai had brought you here.

"I'm not really a member of the Sheep though, am I? Once property... always... property." You dabbed the sweat from his brow, unable to meet his gaze as you continued, "So... it's best you forget about me."

Your voice cracked, betraying the truth - you didn't want him to forget. But it would be easier this way. "But... I have a feeling that dream I thought of for you... it'll be true; the Port Mafia will take good care of you, Chūya."

His eyes narrowed, struggling to focus on you, as if you were a mirage shimmering in the heat.

"You'll be a 'king'. Just... don't let people get too into that head of yours." You tried to smile but felt on the verge of shattering. Cupping his cheek, you felt him lean into your touch, as if trying to memorize its warmth. Leaning forward, you closed your eyes and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. Your lips hovered over his skin as you whispered, "Even though we always differed, through the bickering and fighting... of all the dreams I've had, you were always in my favorite ones."

Your eyes fluttered open, the familiar streets of your hometown coming into view as you neared your destination. A wave of dread washed over you anew.

Yue spoke your name in a clear tone, indicating she wanted to begin listing the guests for tonight's event.

"Go ahead. Just state the affiliate groups," you said, more to appease her than out of genuine interest. Your mind wandered as she spoke.

She was a watcher, a 'gift' from Mori upon your ascension as the Onikai's leader. His way of keeping tabs on you, ensuring you upheld Port Mafia standards after Dazai's defection. Everything always circled back to Dazai...

"Mister Kimura Daichi of the Nagano Shirubā Sanzu group will be in attendance. Their branch deals with machinery and electronics, largely for supplying the Port Mafia's casinos and even the machines that verify smuggled gems."

You rolled your eyes in disgust. The one time you tuned in, it would be someone you'd hoped not to hear about. No doubt he'd seek you out, vying for your attention.

Yue continued rattling off names as the car wound through streets you once walked as a Sheep member and other times as a Port Mafia grunt. How far you'd come in such a short time…

"Miss?" You glanced at Yue for the first time during the hour-long ride. She held out a mirror, allowing you a final check of your appearance.

You brushed under your eyes, though there was no real flaw to fix. You fluffed your hair, fiddling with the golden strands once more.

The car door opened, a suited man extending a gloved hand. You slid out carefully, mindful of your dress. The opulence of Mori's chosen venue was grander than expected, and you smirked at the ridiculousness of it all as you ascended the stairs.

Inside, the high ceiling and sparkling chandeliers almost made you laugh at the facade Mori insisted on maintaining.

You scanned the room for Mori, hoping to avoid locking eyes with anyone.

"Drink, miss?" Yue offered a flute of champagne, which you accepted and downed instantly.

She gave a slightly concerned look, glancing around to see if anyone had noticed.

"Calm down, Yue. It's a party, isn't it?" You offered her a soft smile and a light laugh, moving further into the room.

Polite bows and smiles greeted you, but an emptiness persisted as you glided through the crowds. Once, you would've been laughing with Albatross and Doc in the corner at events like these. Now, the room felt less familiar, and Yokohama less like home.

"Suddenly missing Yokohama, my dear?"

You turned at the sound of that familiar, silky voice, coming face to face with the man of the hour. Mori stood before you, standing with radiance in a perfectly tailored black suit. His enigmatic smile, as always, held secrets behind it.

You offered Mori a fond, if slightly guarded, smile of your own. "I'm always missing the town I once called 'home', Mori."

He returned your smile, his eyes twinkling with a mix of affection and calculation. Mori took a step closer, deftly plucking two champagne flutes from a passing waiter's tray. He offered one to you, which you accepted with a nod of thanks.

"And yet, you've made quite a name for yourself in Tokyo," Mori mused, taking a small sip of his drink. "The Onikai's influence has grown impressively under your leadership."

You inclined your head slightly at the compliment, even as you felt the familiar pang of homesickness. "Tokyo has its charms, but there's something about Yokohama that can't be replicated."

Mori hummed in agreement, his gaze sweeping across the opulent room before settling back on you. "Indeed. The city has a way of getting under one's skin, doesn't it?" He paused, swirling the champagne in his glass. "You know, there's always a place for you here, should you ever wish to return."

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, but you kept your expression neutral. Mori was leading up to something; you could feel it.

"Is that so?" you replied, your tone light but cautious. "And what place might that be?"

Mori's smile widened a fraction. "Oh, I think we both know you're far beyond the rank and file now. Perhaps..." he leaned in slightly, his voice lowering, "an executive position might be more fitting for someone of your caliber."

The offer hung in the air between you, laden with implications. You took a measured sip of your champagne, buying yourself a moment to process. Returning to Yokohama as an executive of the Port Mafia - it was a tantalizing prospect, but one that came with its own set of... complications.

Another waiter wandered by, and you placed the glass upon the tray, moving your hands behind your back in nervous consideration. You couldn’t… not when Chūya was an executive… not when he didn’t know and would undoubtedly be livid.

Mori's enigmatic smile softened slightly, a hint of nostalgia creeping into his eyes. "I just wish you would return, my dear. I could instate someone else for you to come back. It's just too nice to finally see you in person again." He paused, his gaze becoming distant for a moment. "Ah, it makes me remember your youth."

The unexpected sentimentality in his tone caught you off guard. For a brief instant, you saw not the calculating leader of the Port Mafia, but the man who visited you in the depths of the Port Mafia’s trafficking ring, plucking you out and shaping into the woman before him. However, you quickly regained your composure, your lips curving into a knowing smile.

"And let my hard work go to waste?" you countered, your voice a mix of amusement and determination. "Come now, Mori, you know better than I that this has been the best venture for me, for us." You emphasized the last word, reminding him of the mutual benefits your position in Tokyo had brought.

Mori chuckled, opening his mouth to respond, but before he could, a familiar voice uttering your name cut through the ambient chatter of the party.

You watched as Mori turned first. The sound of your name, spoken in that unmistakable tone, sent a jolt through your system. You forced yourself to turn, swearing your eyes were betraying you.

Chūya stood a few meters away, his mismatched eyes wide with surprise. He was impeccably dressed in a tailored suit, a hat perched atop his fire-red hair. The sight of him stirred a whirlwind of emotions you had long tried to suppress.

Mori chuckled, but you hardly registered it as you and Chūya remained looking at one another, as if he was deciding whether or not you were real.

“I’ll let you handle this one, dear.” Mori patted your shoulder, and leaned toward your ear, “Seems like it’s finally time for you to clean up your mess.”

Your eyes fell to the floor as you figured out what you were going to say. This day was coming, you’d practiced what you wanted to say thousands of times. But that didn’t compare to the horrible feeling in your chest. You wanted nothing more to hug him, act like everything hadn’t happened…

A sharp exhale escaped your pursed lips, and you felt the muscles in your shoulders tense as you harshly swallowed. You had to look up, there was no running. 

Your eyes met his once again, and you bit your bottom lip. You furrowed your eyebrows as you looked at him, hoping he could see the apprehension within your eyes. “Chūya… I—I can explain.”

[justtryingtobecreative]

Neteyam x human reader

Chapter 1

(Tw: A fuckload of smut + size kink)

Summary: Neteyam and Y/n have been best friends since childhood, but lately your big blue guy has been acting strange. It all comes to a head when the both of you have a bit too much to drink... and have to deal with the repercusions in the morning.

The reader is referred to as 'she' or 'you'. Neteyam and reader are aged up to twenty-one.

Disclaimer: Neteyam wil never ever ever die on my page, because fuck that.

It had been a couple years since the small group of human's were allowed to join the clan. Although they were considered outsiders even after al they went through together. It was still hard being part of "The sky people", but you were glad to live here anyway.

You had been a friend of the sully kids for years. But if you were honest Neteyam and you had always been the closest, over the years you and Neteyam became thick as thieves, not one day spend apart.

That is how you became close with the other Na'vi of your age, your smaller form constantly seen with Neteyams friends. They ofcourse did things without you, but all the things you could do with them they gladly took you with.

Neytiri, Neteyams mom still thought of you as a 'sky demon' but honestly considering the circumstances you didn't blame her.

Problems began to arrise as you entered adulthood, people around Neteyam were expecting him to take a mate soon. Your blue guy remained cool on the outside, but in private he told you his reasons for not taking a mate yet.

He told you one quiet evening by the fire, just a few days before a big celebration in the clan honoring Eywa. You two tired and burned out after helping prepare the decorations.

"I guess i am just waiting for something." Your big blue guy had muttered when you asked, before grasping your hand.

His eyes were closed and he looked lost in thought, the spots on his nose lighting up in the darkness. He was beautifull. You weren't stupid enough to deny that, you knew he had many unmated female suitors.

That totally did not at all bother you.

You give his leg a pat, "I guess i understand that.. I have a feeling your dad and Norm are trying to get me and spider together.." you let out a loud scoff before giving your friend a nudge "They will surely relent soon"

They had indeed tried to get you alone with Spider all week. Creating strange scenarios like a fusebox broken in the basement that you and spider had to fix, But 'accidentally' losing the key locking you in for about two hours. There had been multiple other 'broken' things that had never broken before and them being locked in small spaces.

Neteyam's face turned toward yours in a flash startling you a bit, he seemed to gather himself before sighing "Just what are these people up to.." he muttered with a strange expression on his face. He just pulled you under his arm, his bare skin brushing across your neck.

You shivered at the touch, a warm sensation settling into your chest. "Don't worry you big blue alien, your still my number one guy" you joked trying to cheer him up. It didn't really work and the small smile on your lips fell quickly.

After a while of loud silence he spoke up again, "Do you like him?" He asked in a wary tone, reseating himself. He seemed slightly insecure, which wasn't something you saw often.

"Who?" You asked bluntly.

"Spider"

You remained silent for a second, really thinking about the question. You didn't really feel a lot for spider except friendship, but you did admit that the efforts of Jake and Norm had changed something there.

You knew Spider thought the same, you two would just be friends for now but after everyone else around you get mated you both will get together as well.

"It's just friendship for now" You muttered softly looking him in the eye, his pupils dilating. You looked at your grasped hands, you were so different but also strangely the same. Those realisations of the fast differences between you and your best friend came often, these days it made you a bit sad though.

"Its friendship.... for now" He muttered seemingly more to himself before sitting up straight and removing his arm from your shoulders. The skin there now feeling strangely bare. You stared at him with wide eyes.

You didn't like this behavior, at all.

Neteyam stood up a bit too fast for it to be normal, him starting to walk away instantly.

"Teyam?" You yelled as you basically had to jog to keep up with his fast pace. "Are you allright? Is something the matter?"

Neteyam threw his hands in the air in exasperation letting out a frustrated groan, his arm almost hitting you in the face.

He sighed, his eyes turning distant "Just.... just.. I'll see you in two days at the party, im going ...away for a few days." He muttered with an unsetling sigh. He strolled away fast, and you knew you would be too slow to follow him.

This wasn't like the normally calm and gentle Neteyam at all, and a sinking feeling dropped in your stomach as you remembered the tortured look on his face as he left.

~~~

It was the next morning that kiri told you her brother had indeed left, he had bargained with his father for permission. After a while even Neytiri had caved, understanding that their eldest son was responsible enough to go into the wildernis alone.

The days leading up to the party were long and incredibly boring without Neteyam there. And for the first time ever you found yourself missing his touch. You wondered why you hadn't noticed the strain between the two of you before. It now seemed so stupid.

~~~

It was finally the day of the party, and with a bit of bargaining from their side you, Kiri and Tuk had all made a full day out of it. The celebration would start in the evening, and everyone needed to look the part too. So you were all picking out options together.

The Na'vi brought out their best jewelry, tops and loincloth's. You had completely refused to wear anything Kiri had recommended at first, most of the clothes showing wayy more skin than you were comfortable with.

In the end you had settled for a short twirly dress, you Kiri and Tuk had filled it with gorgeous beading and shiny gems. The colour of the beading reflected in colourfull lines around your eyes, your arms covered with painted blue lines. All in all you looked gorgeous, not in the Na'vi way, but in your own.

You could honestly say that even with the dress showing your legs, arms and a bit of upper boob, it was still better than wearing a literal bikini. You were NOT the same as Spider in that regard, who was covered in painted stripes and only in his underwear most of the time.

Kiri and tuk, who were wearing absolutely gorgeous jewelry and beaded loincloths walked next to you as you crossed camp to get to the top of the tempe. All around you the Na'vi were painted and done up just as the Sully family would be.

A heavy feeling settled in your stomach,

Kiri put a soft hand on your arm in support "It will turn out allright, im sure you'll have fun." She whispered as you walked onward together.

The temple had been decorated beautifully with colourfull cloth hung on walls and glowing plants decorating the branches above you casting the crowd in a blue light.

The place looked absolutely aetherial. You had to take a shaky breath to settle your nerves.

Located on the other side of the crowd on a higher platform than the others sat the current Olo'eyktan and Tsahìk, also known as Jake and Neytiri. Their clothes were decorated even more intricately than the people in the crowd, with big feathers and glowing facepaint showing of their catlike features.

Jake stood up starting his speech, but right at that exact moment your gaze fell upon a stern looking Neteyam standing a bit behind his father. He was wearing one of his intricate loincloth's, his face painted with orange stripes that complimented his yellow eyes perfectly. In the soft light you noticed the toned muscles and broad shoulders Neteyam now posessed. Not to mention the beautifull braids that framed his face.

He looked, handsome...attractive,

You saw him search te crowd with his eyes, but as his intense stare met your own you quickly looked away. He had totally caught you staring, you thought as a blush spread on your cheeks.

You patted your warm cheeks as you gathered yourself, "Oh noo, this isn't good" you murmured a bit too loud. Kiri giving you a strange look.

Jake was apparently finished with his speech as the tribal music of the Na'vi began playing. It seemed tonight was a sort of dancing/socialising occasion as people either went to talk to people they knew or to dance.

Tuk pulled you with her taking your arms and wiggling them about basically making you dance with her. You laughed as she spoke,  "let's dance y/n!" Tuk yelled loudly as she twirled you around.

Kiri grasped on of both of your hands, joining your little circle with a soft smile. Dancing here together like this felt so special, so magnificent that for a moment you forgot the war and the confusing feelings you had for Neteyam.

After what felt like hours and after Spider and Lo'ak had joined your little group a little while back, you finally excused yourself to get something to eat. Only you weren't really hungry at all.

You strolled to a quiet corner your eyes scrolling past the crowd in search of one particulair Na'vi. And finally you found him,

On the other side of the crowd, just visible through all the wiggling bodies. Was Neteyam, he stood against the far wall of the room. His face blank of emotion, his eyes intently fixed on.. you?

It was like you were magnetic, both drawn to eachother as you started through the crowd toward him. You noticed Jake Sully demanding attention from the Na'vi at the front, allready starting a speech. A small glance showed that he had skiretshe a sort of Na'vi drink held in the air, you didn't stop your pace toward Neteyam but the crowd was too dense to get through because of Jake's sudden speech.

The people around you started passing on goblets of the Na'vi alcohol, and it was for sure about to be some kind of ritual thing. As a Na'vi you recognised as one of Neteyam's friends handed you a small cup, only the bottom filled with the drink. He gave you a teasing smile at your questioning look before making his way through the crowd again.

Norm had told you to stay away from the drink, he had said one sip of the stuff was equal to two shots of vodka. You didn't know what vodka was, but you doubted it was really that bad. And who would you be to refuse a gift?

You glanced at the greenish liquid that sloshed about in the cup, you counted about five sips maybe more. What was honestly the worst that could happen?

A loud cheer ran through the temple as Jake finished his speech, you bringing the drink to your mouth in one fluid motion just as the people around you had done, you chugging the bitter liquid down.

You almost hurled it back out, but thankfully stopped yourself.

Your eyes ran to the other side of the room again, Neteyam placing down his much larger cup no doubt formerly filled with skiretshe on a nearby table.

The travel toward your friend felt way farther than before as the blue light of the plants started to look even more magical than before, thereby distracting you.

Finally you broke free of the crowd, being elbowed a bit too many times in your rush. You suddenly found yourself stood in front of Neteyam, and a weight that had never been there before now rested in your stomach.

"Teyam?" You asked softly placing a tentative hand on his arm. He seemed transfixed on your features, him placing his hand on the side of your neck just below the oxygen mask. It was like he was checking your pulse,

He had his eyes closed for a second before he sighed. "Y/n I don't really have anything to say to you. I can't... be friends with you anymore... I just can't" his voice was like a knife to the heart.

"You can't decide to suddenly leave. I love.. i mean you are my best friend" You choked out stuttering over the words.

"You don't understand, i can't" he gritted his teeth. You went to place your hand on his arm but he pulled away harshly. He gave you a wide eyed stare Him rushing into a small alcove between two houses, no doubt trying to run once again.

You followed him into the shadowed alley, anger and confusion swirling in your stomach.

"Neteyam! You stop. Right. This. Second!" Your yell echoed through the alley,

He stopped with his back turned to you, you saw his jaw clench, his body shaking. The dark hid a lot of his other features, the spots on his back glowing.

You walked toward him, about to tap his back to get him to turn around. Before you could even graze him he turned his musculair body around. His tall form looming over you, you both standing a bit to close to one another.

He let out a breath, it fogging up the top of your oxygen mask. You could see his eyes glow in the dark, the edges of his face blurring.

He leaned into you and slowly cornered you between the wall and him. "I need you to push me away" He muttered inhaling into your hair, letting out a shaky breath.

The drink from before might have kicked in more than you thought as you spoke without any shame "Teyam, you could do anything to me. And i'd let you." Your hand touched muscle, your hand placed upon the underside of his stomach.

Neteyam let out a shaky breath, his cheeks turning a shade of purple. "I will then... i will do what i want to you" he slid his hands under your thighs lifting you up against the wall, basically stradling him. You let out a startled squeek.

You squirmed around a bit at the new position, you weren't nervous anymore probably due to the alcohol. But you were stradling him just over his loincloth, it felt a bit to good to rub against him.

He groaned "Please stop" his deep voice whispered in your ear "You should only do that if you are ready for everything".

You stopped for a second just looking at the man holding you, he looked beautifull like this, flushed, glowing and focussed on you. The warm undeniable yearning came back full force, your hips buckling toward him automatically.

You let out a moan, your cheeks warming up at the unfamiliar feeling between your legs. Neteyam groaned as well, slightly pressing himself against you. He attempted to place his forehead on yours, he let out a unsatisfied groan as his skin hit the glass.

You placed your arms around him in response your hands resting on his toned back, "Please.. i need to touch you" you gasped.

Neteyam seemed to think for a second before letting out a loud whistle, his Ikran appearing within minutes. He carried you on the back of the huge beast placing you down in front of him, making sure your body was still straddling his. He had a serious expression on his face, and bathed in the soft moonlight it was almost like he was years older.

He seemed selfassured, like he knew exactly what he was doing and what it would entail. A thought swirled around the back of your mind wondering if your family would notice you were both gone. You shook it off.

They took off right away, Neteyam holding onto you with one arm, pressing you against his body tightly. Once in a while he would give you a glance, you weren't sure what kind it was but you saw the hunger in his gaze.

While in the air it was largely quiet, and somewhere inside you sat the worry that he would be sober enough to refrain from touching you when you'd arrive. Your own hazy mind didn't even consider stopping, the entire thing had allready dampened your underwear anyway.

He guides the large winged beast downward making sure he decended right before the human lab. He grasped onto the small of your waist tightly and with a jump of the Ikran, you accidentally rub against him with the movement.

He gritted his teeth, "I need you...right. now." he breathed not waiting on a reply. He threw open the door closing it behind him in one fluid motion. Strolling toward your quarters without issue, having seen the inside of the lab countless of times.

His big Na'vi body made the trip in minutes whereas a human would have taken twice as long, you where reminded once again just how different you two were.

"Teyam?" You asked whilst trying to catch his gaze, he turned to you in question. "You really need to get an oxygen tank" you finished seeing the realisation in his eyes. He softly put you down on the ground.

"Im going to get it" Neteyam quickly left the room, giving you a few seconds to gather yourself and to take of your own mask. You took a deep breath in and out, fidling with a loose bead on your dress.

Your mind was growing hazier by the second, the alcohol hitting full force.You startled as Neteyam returned too soon, now standing before you with a gaze fixed intently on your form.

The ache inside your stomach became almost unbearable. Only one word slipping of your tongue "Please..." You breathed out.

The words brought new life to your best friend stood before you, his dark eyes fixed onto your dress. He stalked forward, his hands finding the dress instantly. When he couldn't find the clasp you felt his strong arms pull you fowards.

His hands felt the edges of the dress "I need this off right now" he muttered. "There is a zipper down the back.." Your voice felt stange coming out of your mouth, you turned your back toward him.

His fingers struggled with the small zipper for a second. "No, this is a waste of time" he muttered in your ear before pushing you forward a bit too harshly you grasping one of the metal edges of the bed in suprise.

"I am sorry, i will accept your anger later" he murmured before you heard a hash ripping sound, a chill running down your back.

"Oh. my. god." you let out, your mind running eight miles an hour your ruined dress barely clinging to your form. This until you felt a soft touch on your neck, this continueing downward as Neteyam placed soft kisses down your back.

"You wear too many clothes.." he groaned, his breath fanning your lower back. His hands grabbed your bra, simply tearing the clasp apart.

He helped you stand and turn toward him, pulling your dress and underwear of your body throwing the clothes behind him.

You shivered a bit, the cool air perking up your nipples. You automatically placed your hands around your body hiding the most 'indecent' places.

Neteyam stood stock still in front of you, his eyes dark and filled with unbridled lust. "You should remove those arms right now." there was a warning in his words. You hesitated for too long, your best friend walking closer to you.

His hands wrapped around your arms moving them to the side as he pushed you down on the bed, the metal groaning at the movement. You letting out a loud whine at the sudden move.

Neteyam hovered above you effectively pinning you down, placing his legs over yours to hold you still. He nuzzled his head into your neck, releasing a shaky breath.

His head moved upwards to stare into your eyes, not removing his hands of your wrists at all. Your face felt hot and your arms slightly ached from his strong grip, you were lost to the world.

He glanced down at your body, "You are soft" he leant his head down, nuzzling your left breast, his nose tickling the soft skin "Soft, and mine" he murmured. You let out a wanting moan at his words, Neteyam's eyes widening at the sound.

You glanced down at his body, "I want to see you," you whispered looking into his eyes, he normally would have hesitated, but at your own bare body laid out beneath him he only cared of touching your skin with his own.

He leant down expertly releasing the straps of his loincloth revealing the massive erection underneath. You gasped, your mouth filling with saliva at the sight.

Your hazy mind did not even consider it not fitting, more in awe at the lewd sight. Neteyam pulled you upward with one fluid motion placing you in the middle of the bed.

Neteyam grasped your chin softly turning your head toward him, "This is the last time i will ask you if you are sure," his eyes were half lidded, "If you let me kiss you, i won't be able to stop" he slightly pushed himself against you.

"I want you, all of you" you didn't hestitate softly placing your hands on his cheeks, looking him back in the eyes.

"I need you, to make love to me" You whispered softly giving him a small smile, his eyes darkening at the words.

Neteyam leant down covering your body with his, placing his weight on his arms and legs but making sure his torso covered most of yours. All you saw, thought and felt was Neteyam.

His lips hit yours in a kiss, your wet mouth finally covered by his as he deepened the kiss. You sucked on eachothers tongues, kissed his lips and shared saliva. The lewd sounds and little moans echoed through the room, the sounds hollow because of the metal.

His hand slid between your legs without warning making you let out a squeel, he felt around your folds, one of his fingers brushing over your clit, his rough hand hitting the spot harshly.

You let out a choked moan into his mouth, he removed his mouth from yours pausing to stare in your eyes. He experimentally went over te spot again, you letting out another moan beginning to pant slightly.

Neteyam smirked at you, a knowing look on his face as he moved his hand lower. You felt one of his four fingers circle around your entrance slowly covering his finger in your essence before reaching up and sucking his finger clean.

You let out a moan as his hand traveled downward again, him placing his palm on your clit and slowly dipping one of his fingers in your cunt.

His eyes ran over your face searching for any discomfort. When he didn't see any he slowly added another, you grinded into his hand a bit at the action. This was an unfamiliar feeling, you had experimented with your own fingers. But now you didn't have the control at all, completely at the mercy of him.

You felt his fingers far inside of you, the foreign feeling strange and exciting.

"So soft," he murmured as he started pumping his two fingers in and out of you at a steady pace. He kept a firm eye on your face, making sure to make you moan. You felt a sudden knot forming in your stomach, his long fingers almost hitting that spot that you wanted them to.

"Another, please" you murmured, his eyes widening at your words. He slipped another finger in without hesitation making you let out another moan.

You were now starting to feel the stretch of his fingers, Neteyam obviously realising the tight grip on his fingers as well. He set a lazy pace, rubbing a bit at your clit every thrust.

His breaths began to get uneven, you knew he had to get oxygen soon.

The knot in your stomach coiled tightly, slowly unraveling at the pleasure. Neteyam pulled out of you slowly, reaching over the side of the bed and breathing in oxygen from the oxygen tank.

"Are you allright?" You murmured softly sitting up slightly. The big alien didn't respond, just crawling back on the bed and pushing you back down. He parted your legs in a smooth motion, entering his fingers back into your body.

You let out a broken moan at the sudden feeling of fullness.

He just gave you a satisfied look rubbing over your clit purposefully as he thrust his fingers in and out of you, the wet sound echoeing through the room.

"You are almost prepared, im going to add one more" he whispered in your ear, sliding his fourth finger into you. The stretch was a bit painfull, your face pulling into a grimace.

Neteyam placed a soft hand on your cheek, "You are doing so well, you are squeezing my hand so tightly." He kept fucking you with his hand, cooing at you during.

You began to shake softly your body tilting toward him and pressing yourself closer to his hand. Neteyam observed you, running his eyes over every inch of you. "You like my fingers don't you? I can't wait to see you take me." He whispered as his breath fanned your cheek.

The knot in your stomach finally came loose at his words, releasing your juices on his hand and overwhelming you with pleasure. "Neteyam." You murmured, his eyes glinting dangerously at your words.

"Yes you are mine." He quickly reached his hand down feeling how far you had stretched, a satisfied expression on his face.

Now again if the two of you had been sober you might have let reason overcome you. But you weren't sober, and you both Really wanted it to fit. So you were going to make sure it did.

You shimmied upwards on the bed closing your legs momentarily, your hands grabbing ahold of the metal bed frame above you. "No, you don't hide from me. You are mine, mine alone." He growled as he grasped your legs and pulled them apart harshly.

He lined himself up right away, rubbing the large tip just between your folds. His eyes found yours again, "You still want this right?" He asked softly, still running the tip of his cock over your clit making you squirm and honestly kind of influencing your decision.

You eyed his member it almost as large as your underarm, the tip was a bit bigger than the rest of his lenght which was covered in dark blue veins. It looked daunting, but you really wanted him inside you.

You nodded your head without hesitation, your liquid courage dissepating your fear. "Yes, i want you so much" you finally murmured.

Neteyam simply nodded bracing himself on the metal of the bed. "I am going to start slow, he murmured" not wasting any time as you instantly felt the tip of his cock entering you.

The pain registered in your body and you squirmed a bit as it stretched you out. The pain was almost blinding, but you got to catch your breath as Neteyam held still inside you.

He let out a low groan, "You feel so warm" he murmured, "Are you allright?" The tip fully popped inside your body, your vision turning white because of the pain.

The haze in your mind lifted a bit, "Please just, just hold still for a second" you whispered, catching your breath and tightly clutching onto the headbord.

Neteyam took the time to reach over the side of the bed and take a puff of oxygen. The movement accidentally pushing him in a little more, you choking on a breath at the sudden pain and pleasure. He let out a harsh moan at the unfamiliar feeling letting out a small "sorry".

He rubbed your cheek with his large hand rubbing away your tears and whispering sweet nothings in your ear, you hadn't even realised you had began crying.

It took a while and you were near to giving up, when the big stretch finally started to feel less so. So when your big blue best friend reached over again to get some oxygen, you let out a startled moan at the sudden burst of pleasure as he moved inside of you.

Neteyam let out a tortured groan, before quickly scrolling you for any sign of pain. You breathed heavily your hips having a mind of their own as you fucked yourself into his lap. His gaze was heavy as he watched you move at just the tip of him.

"Please, give me all of it. I can take it." You mumble with half lidded eyes.

He let out a groan, not complying right away. "It is too big to go in all the way," he mumbled, it seemed his liquid courage wasn't as much in effect anymore.

No way were you going to back off now. You lifted yourself up startling him, placing your legs around his hips and harshly driving him right into you.

Neteyam let out a shaky moan, you feeling his entire cock sitting in your stomach stretching you out painfully. His hands holding onto you carefully like he was unsure if he would hurt you.

You squirmed, him letting out a harsh moan.

Neteyam sat up in a sudden motion, keeping himself sheated inside you as he moved you upwards on his lap, him now sitting on the bed and against the wall with you stradling him.

You whimpered a bit as this new position drove him even deeper. Your legs sat around him gravity pushing you down, there was no way to adjust yourself in your current state.

There was no way to lift yourself off even the tiniest bit of his cock, Neteyams arms folded around your shoulders keeping you firmly in place. He had his eyes closed for a second, his breath shallow. "You feel so good, so tight" he murmured in your ear before letting his eyes graze over you with a satisfied look.

The unfamiliar feeling of being filled to the brim felt lewd. The thought of someone seeing you seated on the large aliens large member strangely exiting you a bit. Not to mention the way he was wrapped around you... and you were wrapped around him.

He let out a groan as he scanned your body, his fingers softly dragging over the remaining blue lines on your shoulders

Neteyam's eyes grew wild, his pupils dilated. He hungrily observed the place you were joined together. Him letting out a low groan before he placed his face in your neck scenting you, his nose brushing your skin.

His hips began rutting into you a bit, the movement pushing you up and down on his member. You moaned at the sudden pumping, the coiling pleasure steadily building in your stomach.

His eyes widened at the feeling, the tight grip around his member setting his entire being aflame.

Neteyam let out a vibrating growl as he pushed you back down on your back, suddenly grinding into you harshly. Almost making you pass out from the sudden sensitivity.

He picked up his pace moving hard but at a slow pace, every thrust brushing his pubic bone against your clit.

You were being emptied and filled again at an impossible pace. Him pressing you down against the matress as he slammed into you.

His eyes were glassy and dialated, his features seeming more like those of an wild animal rather than the ones of the calm boy you knew. His tail wrapped around your leg and braids brushing your face as he ingulfed you completely.

He was truly lost to the world, his body seemingly moving in and out of you instictively. You kissed and sucked on his neck, a groan escaping him. His hand felt the bottom of your stomach, very pleased at the bulge in your stomach of his cock sheated deeply inside of you. He let out another groan.

You were incredibly overwhelmed at the full feeling circling your stomach, your mind beginning to grow hazy again as bolts of pleasure ran through your body.

He leant down to kiss you, placing his tongue in your mouth without warning. The warm and moist feeling of his mouth on yours distracting you as whimpers and wet sounds echoed in the room.

The sounds, the act, the creaking of the bed it was the most sinfull thing the both of you had ever done, and it was also one of the most risky.

They both knew that if one of their parents or mentors came to the lab, they would instantly get caught.

You both couldn't find it in you to care.

He was like a wild animal as he growled in your ear, "I'm going to fill you with my seed, you are mine." He was hitting you in the most sensitive spot, his harsh pace not letting you breath for one second as the tip of his cock consistently stretched you out. You felt him swell inside of you,

Your vision started to get blurry as your orgasm approached. Neteyam's hard thrusts hitting you so deep in your stomach you could see stars. He faltered above you, his movements growing erratic as he grasped onto you with his whole being.

"You feel so good, im never going to let you go again" he rambled as his strong hands held onto your soft flesh and his strong body covered yours from the world.

"You are all mine" he said with a harsh moan as you felt his seed spill deep into you, the warm liquid seeping into your womb. His cock still pumping it further into you.

You moaned at the strange feeling, your vision turning white as your own pleasure came to it's breaking point sending you right over the edge, letting out a loud whimper as you felt yourself clench and unclench on his cock.

"You are squeezing my cock so well, you were made just for me." he groaned not stopping his rutting into you. He placed a hand on the bottom of your stomach again just over the spot his member and seed were pressed inside of you.

"Iet me stay inside you a little longer" he mumbled as he sluggily lifted you with him while he took a puff of oxygen, now attaching the small tubes to his nose and laying down on the bed.

"Im so tired," your voice was weak and your body was spend. He placed a few kisses on your face and neck, a smile circling his lips as he gazed at you.

"You can go to sleep now, you are safe with me"

Neteyam gave you a satisfied look, before tucking you in his arms and pulling you under the covers. Neither having the energy to clean up.

You both fell asleep quickly, responsibilities forgotten.

~~~

A harsh knock echoed on the door, a male voice echoeing through the room. "What?" You asked loudly, your mind not working yet. A sigh from the other side of your door before the voice repeated itself.

"I said! Is Neteyam there with you? Neytiri and Jake are combing out the whole camp searching for him." Norm's voice echoed through the room a panicked undertone very present.

Your eyes shot open, the sun peeking through the blinds instantly blinding you. "Just a second Norm! Jeez!" You screamed.

For the first time since waking up you look around the room and feel the warm chest you are laying on, something still connecting the two of you. Your gaze locks with Neteyam's yellowish ones, your eyes widening.

"Jesus christ Y/n, just answer me." Norm said releasing a loud sigh as he knocked on the door again.

"No,oo he's uhh not here" You speak up as Neteyam's hand ran over your shoulder, your voice breaking slightly and tumbling over your words. A bit too pre ocupied with assessing the damage done to your poor now lopsided bed and yourself.

"Uhhm okay wel uhh if you find him send him to us" Norm said, obviously unsure of your answer.

"Will do!" You yell The pitch in your voice a bit too high to be natural. Norm either didn't notice or he just didn't want to deal with it, but you finally heard his footsteps walking away.

"Oh my god," you murmured putting your hands over your face. He nodded aswell. "Oh my god indeed" he murmured, having the gal to look more pleased than he did in weeks.

He was covered in orange and blue spots from both of your body paints, dark fingerprints set into his forearms from where you had held onto him... as he.... "Oh. my. God!" You murmured again.

He was examining you as his eyes slid over your figure without any shame, seeming bothered by the dark fingerprints covering your own softer body. "I hurt you" he muttered with a conflicted look on his face, carefully grasping your arm in his hands to observe the soft skin

Your skin almost burned at his touch, you softly pulling your arm from his grip. "It isn't your fault, you murmured softly. "Besides it seems i did a number on you as well" you gestured to his underarms.

Neteyam observed the bruises with facination, "You really held onto me tight." He murmured obviously reminicing, a distant look gleaming in his eyes.

You both heard distant chatter in the hall, being pulled out of your little bubble. You tried to sit up, failing immensely as your muscles ached and you came to a horrid realisation as he let out a groan.

"You are still..." you trailed off as you felt the weight of him sitting inside your stomach, every nerve on fire because of the beating from last night. His cock was still entirely burried into you.

"I'm sorry," Neteyam muttered as you felt his hips start to push up into you softly. He sat up slowly, seating himself against the wall again, you still stradling his hips. The movement send you up and down on his cock, sudden hot pleasure running through you.

His slow thrusting persisted, as your tired mind still tried to keep up with the situation. His eyes were searching your face for any discomfort, his own filled with lust. You placed your arms around his shoulders, your fingernails partly digging into his skin as you raked your hands across his shoulders.

He moaned loudly,

Rustling filled the hallway outside your room again, but Neteyam either didn't notice or didn't care. The voice of Norm echoeing through the room again, as you desperately hoped he didn't hear the squelching noises you were making.

"Y/n? They still haven't found Neteyam yet! Can you come to the avatar room in a second?" Norm yelled.

You took a second to gather yourself, Neteyam's intense gaze fixed on your face as you rode him. "Uhmm, yes Norm i'm just going to uhh take a s,shower and then i'll get over there" You finally responded.

"Uhhmm allright, i'll see you soon" he murmured before you heard his footsteps fade away again.

You and Neteyam rocked back and forth slowly, him going half out of you and then pushing back in. It was like a slow form of torture.

"Teyam? We need to figure out how we are going to hide this" you murmured. It was like he purposefully slammed himself back into you as you let out a broken moan.

He grasped onto your chin "First i will spill my seed into you one last time" he murmured with a teasing smirk. He didn't seem to be embarassed about their actions at all.

Rustling started up in the hall again, making Neteyam let out a sigh. "I'm taking you to the shower" he murmured as he took of his oxygen mask and lifted you up walking you over toward the small bathroom.

Neteyam barely fit through the door, but could thankfully stand up straight once inside. He didn't know how to work the buttons, so you reached out and set it to the right temperature.

He was still rutting into you softly whilst you waited for the water to warm, one of his fingers rubbing your clit gently. An orgasm beginning to build up steadily, you noticed him picking up the pace as well. Your back hitting the cold tile as his form pressed against you.

Your tired body cramped together one last time as you softly clenched and unclenched around his member. A shaky moan escaping your throat, legs shaking violently whilst his seed spilled into you again. Neteyam let out a deep groan at the sensation, burrying his face in your hair.

You both gathered yourself, Neteyam's wide eyed gaze looking toward the mirror. You turned your gaze toward it as well, gaping your mouth at the sight that awaited you.

You looked just as roughed up as him, paint everywhere and your makeup smeared across your face. But that wasn't why Neteyam looked so shook up. His huge form loomed over yours dauntingly, your body looking incredibly small next to his.

But mostly it was the sinfull sight of his arms around your waist, whilst you were stretched out to an extreme extend on his large member. It was a sight that shouldn't have been possible, but here you were anyway.

He turned back to you with an appraising look, "Look at you taking me." he mumbled before kissing your neck and pecking your mouth.

"You did so well." He cooed as he stepped into the shower, before finally sliding himself out of you. You let out a whine, at the feeling of both of your liquids pouring out of you. Neteyam seemed almost proud when he saw, placing you down on your feet with a look of discontentment of having to let you go.

Your knees buckled almost sending you to the ground. Your big blue guy luckily being able to steady you. "Are you allright?" he asked as he gave you a worried look. His arms instantly wrapped around you again, you noticing a little smile cricling his lips.

You nodded softly "I'm just really tired" allthough your body ached about everywhere. Not to mention the almost unbearable ache between your legs.

You finally sighed in contentment as you felt the warm water on your skin. Neteyam grabbed your bar of soap rubbing it between his hands before running them down your body without consulting.

You were too tired to even resist as he softly washed your skin. Running his fingers through your hair after, softly massaging your scalp. After he was finished he quickly lathered his own body with soap too.

"Wait shouldn't i help you too?" You asked confusedly.

He turned to you with a soft smile, "You have done more than enough for me" He softly brushed his palm over your cheek before leaning forward and giving you a gentle kiss.

After you both were finished in the shower you moved back to the bedroom, him dressing himself in his clothes from the night before and you quickly pulling on loose sweatpants and a long sleeved top.

You sat on the edge of the bed, him sitting next to you, "How in the hell are we going to hide this from your parents? Or, oh shit! What about Norm?" You groan loudly placing your head in your hands.

You felt Neteyam put his hand on your shoulder. "We'll think of something, for now I'm jumping out the window. And your going to the avatar room." He said sympathetically.

You let out a breath, "Yes.... yes good idea" you stood up carefully, the ache between your legs still very much present. You were about to head to the door when you felt yourself being pulled back and pressed into his stomach.

Neteyam's soft voice filled your ear "I see you" he said, his heavy gaze zet on your eyes. You took a second to process the words.

You blushed finally feeling the words tumble out your mouth "I see you." you finally whispered, a sense of love filling your stomach.

A huge smile spread on his face as he pulled you into one last kiss before placing his forehead on yours. "I shall see you tonight." he mumbled in your ear before he turned around for the window. You yourself leaving your room with shaky legs.

You caught your breath in the empty hallway, a boast of air leaving your lungs as you let out a loud sigh. "Well holy fuck,..." you muttered to yourself, before quickly stumbling toward the avatar room.

~~~

When you arrived in the large metal room, you were suprised to see Jake sitting together with Norm. Their eyes instantly turning to you as you came into view, "Y/n there you are!" Norm greeted as he gestured for you to sit next to him.

You awkwardly did, trying to hide the discomfort between your legs as you sat down. "Uhm Hello!" You said with a strained smile.

Jake and Norm were observing you silently and Jake in particulair was being incredibly intimidating whilst he stared you down.

Finally after a few agonising seconds Jake broke the silence, "So...this is the case," He said curtly "Neteyam didn't come home last night and the last person he was seen with was you."

They stared at you,

"So you want to know when i last saw him?" You murmered, hoping to give yourself a few more seconds of thinking time.

"Yes Y/n i want to know that."

"Well uhm... i saw him around the middle of the party?" You asked more than said, a sheepish expression on your face.

Jake sighed in annoyance, "And then?"

"Oh yes... okay... jep he left"?

"Y/n you better cut the crap"

You sighed "Okay well, we saw eachother around the middle of the party... and afterwards i haven't really seen him anymore... we took the skiretshe" You mumured softly, your mind finally giving you an excuse.

Jake let out a sigh, "And your one hundred percent sure you haven't seen him since?"

"Not in what i remember..." The implication obvious as you shrugged.

"We better find him soon." He gave you a warning look before he stalked off toward the door.

Norm gave you a dry look, "You are so weird today. We are going to talk about the drinking later." He murmured, before taking off as well, this a perfect time for you to rest your aching head on the cold metal table.

You would have to face the situation soon, you weren't ready at all.

(WELP that was VERY dirty, and i hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know if you want a part two, i usually only update fics that do well. (Maybe the next can be with some more sneaking around?) Hehe)

Part 2 made it through! Here's the link!:

[starry-eyes-love]

Chapter 5: Woodland Fun

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader (18+, Minors DNI), Post-outbreak

Summary | Joel Miller thinks you are a complicated, irritating, and frustrating woman. You're the reason he can't sleep, can't work, and can't do anything without thinking about you. So for once, he gives in to his own urges and lets himself have you in his mind. What he didn't expect was for you to come storming into his personal space yet again. This time though he doesn't think he can stop himself from having you, but he's going to try.

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI. Smut (a lot), language, male and female masturbation, mutual masturbation with each other, dry humping, fingering (male & female), edging, daddy kink, fluff (if you squint), major argument with angst, yelling, a lot of dirty talk, pet names (little girl, baby, honey, old man, etc.), kissing, body description without being too specific, referencing past trauma, referencing sex with his ex-wife, referencing pregnancy with ex-wife (if you squint), infidelity reference, fertility issues reference (if you squint). Don't know how this happened but this is mostly smut/porn of one version or another (sorry, not sorry). Just know, you have been warned. Enjoy :)

Word Count: 10.3 K (not sorry)

Joel needed to let off some major steam, he needed to give in to this urge in his mind to have you the way he needed to. Just this once, he thought, just this once I get her the way I want her. Then that's it. As he slowly took himself in his hand he felt himself throb painfully. To try to curb his arousal a bit, he gently squeezed the base

Over the next month life seemed to slowly settle into somewhat of a comfortable domestic routine between the three of you.  Ellie and you continued to go through storage areas; collecting clothes, games, and supplies. You also worked on trying to start growing seeds in the house, which proved to be very difficult in the beginning of winter. Periodically you would collect and chop firewood also.  Joel would set and check traps, scout the area, fix the roof and the siding, help chop firewood, and hunt for food.  At night the three of you would sit around the fireplace and talk, play board games that either you or Ellie found, or read in silence.  Joel and you still maintained separate bedrooms when it came to the sleeping arrangements. He said sleeping together right away would just muddy the waters of a relationship.  Basically, everything continued to be the same with Joel as before. The only difference was that once in a while he’d give you a quick peck on the lips when Ellie wasn’t looking.  Nothing ever transpired besides that, and if you were being honest, it was incredibly frustrating.  You understood why Joel didn’t want to have sex right away, but you wanted and needed something more from him.  A hand hold, the ability to cuddle; heck even for him to check you out, something.  You were beginning to believe that Joel Miller was a man of all talk, and very little do.

“Hey dude, like I think that dish is clean,” Ellie said while you were washing the dishes.

“Oh yeah, sorry" you stated. "I was just lost in thought.”

“You were like lost in thought for 10 minutes cleaning that same dish, what gives?" she teased. "Are there problems in the love department again?"

“Love department? Again? Ellie, I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you tried to say without giving your voice away.

“Pleeease. I may be younger than you, but I ain’t stupid” she told you.  “I know you have a thing for Joel, and honestly he has a huge thing for you. But ever since the two of you have decided to do this dating shit, which by the way is soooo stupid. You both haven’t been the same, and it’s annoying really.”

“Ellie, I don’t know what you’re…wait. Who said we were dating?” you asked her with a puzzled expression.

“Oh come on, I heard the two of you the night Joel woke up moaning in bed. He woke the whole damn house up with all of that moaning that he was doing. I honestly laid in my bed feeling sorry for him, thinking that he was, you know, thinking about his daughter or somethin’. But then I heard ya and what he told you," Ellie said with a shake to her head.  "Then I finally thought that the two of you were gonna give in to that animal heat phase thing or somethin’, and ya know- maybe fuck it out. But nope, dry as the desert'' Ellie said while laughing out loud shaking her head more.

“Well, it’s not from a lack of trying on my end," you quipped to her in defense.

“Oh I know" she said, tapping your shoulder a few times. "I gave Joel advice about it 2 weeks ago, of how to go about dating cause it’s been awhile for him. Kinda pathetic really, if you ask me.” Ellie said while huffing out a sigh. “Apparently he didn’t listen to a damn thing that I told him,” she states, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“What did you tell him?” you ask nervously.

“That he shouldn’t think about it. That he just needs to talk to you, spend some time with you. Teach you something and then just, I don’t know. Give in to what his body is trying to tell him, and then just ya know, do it” she said.

After a moment of standing there and processing the information you couldn’t help but get frustrated.  You thought that Joel was trying to hide things from Ellie. But in reality he was asking her for advice on how to get to know you, when he could just ask you instead.  Not that a teenager couldn’t give him advice, but goddamnit, you were right here.  You could tell him what you liked, because after all, you knew yourself better than anyone else.

Ellie could sense your frustration and anger rising to the surface. She went to try to defuse the situation fast, because honestly, she didn’t like it when your temper got the better of you.  “Look, y/n. Try doing something that teases him, ya know. Like try coaxing that stubborn man out of his shell by forcing his brain into rut season like a deer or somethin,'” she said softly, trying to encourage you.

“Rut season like a deer? Wow, that’s a new one Ellie, Jesus” you said while shaking your head laughing. 

“Yeah I know, thought of it myself” Ellie commented while giving you her typical big Ellie grin. “But no seriously y/n, do something that turns him on. Or at least gets him to look at you. Go out and chop firewood.  He told me that your ass looks nice doin’ it.”

“He told you my ass looks nice chopping firewood?” you say, somewhat puzzled of why a 50+ year old man would say that to a teenage girl.

“Well no, he didn’t exactly say it directly to me,” Ellie reassured you.  “He was looking at you chopping firewood about 2 weeks ago and said to himself ‘damn it woman, you’re gonna be the death of me with those tight pants on that nice ass of yours,'” Ellie said trying to mimic Joel’s scowl that he does.  

After a moment of silence where you kept fiddling with your hands, Ellie approached you and said, “Y/N, go and chop firewood for Papa Bear. He’s tense and needs something to unwind with. So give that old man a show, just don't give him a heart attack.”  She said laughing while walking away down the hall.

You decided to finish washing the dishes first, while mulling over everything that Ellie had told you.  You knew from previous interactions with Joel that he does love it when you give him a little sass, and when you help him with some of the heavy lifting. Sure, he calls you a smartass while you're doing it, and tells you to stop being so difficult. But nevertheless, you do know that he appreciates your help.  

“Hey, I think I’m gonna go and chop some firewood for awhile" you yell down the hall at Ellie after you finish the dishes. "We’re getting kinda low in here.” As you exit the cabin you grab the axe that was sitting outside and glance over to the area where Joel usually has firewood pieces to chop up.  When you noticed that there weren’t any pieces to chop, you decided to go out into the woods and chop down a tree.  You’ve never chopped down a tree before, and honestly you had no idea what you were doing. But you figured that you’d have to learn sometime.  It can't be that hard, you thought to yourself. 

As you approached the woods you glanced back towards the house to see if you could spot Joel working outside. When you didn’t see him, you figured he must have be checking traps, or hunting for food. After traveling into the woods, you found a tree that you believed you could chop down easily. As you approached the tree you said out loud to yourself, "Ellie, you better be right about him loving my ass as I do this." As you started to pull back the axe you said to yourself "well here goes nothing," and just before you moved to hit the tree you heard a Southern drawl behind you speak up.  

Joel had been out scouting and checking traps all day. He had gotten up early and left the cabin by himself, wanting to have some alone time. This domestic dating life shit was getting on his nerves. Not that he didn't like being with you, that was never the problem. The problem was he desperately wanted to fuck you all the time, and he couldn't do that with Ellie always being around. He also didn't know if you were just looking for a one-time quick lay, or if you truly were serious about a relationship. 

As Joel walked around and checked the traps he kept thinking about you and the interactions the two of you have had. He couldn't stop thinking about how soft you had felt underneath him, or the first time the two of you had sex. He internally hated himself for how desperate he was, and how he didn't give you any proper attention before he fucked you. Joel also knew that you were the reason for his constant worry, his lack of sleep, tense muscles, and a deep ache that he couldn't relieve. He knew he felt something for you, but he didn't know if it was true love, or just infatuation. 

Joel thought that if he was a better man, he would tell you that he was too old for you, that he couldn't be with you, that he'd stop and leave you alone. But Joel wasn't a good man. He pined after you, had a deep urge to be with you, not just physically. He knew he couldn’t stay away from you or stifle his feelings for you much longer. At the end of the day, Joel wanted you. He had a deep urge to have you, to claim you as his, and to ruin you for every goddamn man in the future that thought they could have you. His need to claim you grew stronger with each passing day, and it was getting harder for him to ignore.

Joel noticed that he was almost back to the cabin. He was in a small pine grove near the edge of the woods, close to where the yard would start. Joel knew these woods here like the back of his hand, wanting to know how the land changed just in case trouble came around. He always had a need to keep both you and Ellie safe, so each day he’d hike around and get to know the terrain. Today was quiet and peaceful in the woods, something that was a rarity. Joel, desperately needing to sit down and take a break for himself, wandered over to a pine tree and sat down. As he sat against the pine tree, his thoughts kept drifting to you, and he felt himself slowly harden inside his pants. "I'm old enough to be her damn father, she's too young for me", he said sternly to himself, which did nothing to curb the slow throb that came from his hardening cock. He sat back and closed his eyes as he slowly palmed himself in the front of his jeans. He tried to think of anything else or anyone else besides you. But the truth was, he didn't want anyone else. He only wanted you, laid underneath him and willing for him to do what he wanted. He wondered how you’d taste. Would you be sweet like honey, or a tangy citrus flavor? Would you beg for his cock or beg for him to come inside your tight little pussy, or inside your mouth? 

No. She’s irritating, aggravating, and a pain in my ass, he thought to himself, trying to will away his erection. But even then, when he focused on your sassy attitude and your confidence, it turned him on even more.  He didn't want to admit it, but he loved your demeanor. He loved your challenging behavior, that you weren't afraid to stand up to him. He saw that you had a fire in your soul, and that fire called to him like a siren that had found her next victim. He wasn't stupid, he knew you'd be the death of him. That if he got too close, he'd never be able to escape. 

The more Joel sat there thinking about you: the curve of your ass, the shape of your breasts, and the feel of your mouth against his; the harder he got. All of these thoughts set a fire in his veins and sent a bolt of electricity to his cock. With a sigh he said, "Just this once I’m gonna do this to blow off some steam thinkin’ about her." As Joel took out his aching and throbbing member he saw that he was already leaking precum from his slit. "Fuck" he groaned to himself at how worked up he already was with just thinking about you. He hadn't even touched himself yet. "This ain't gonna last long," he said with a small shake to his head. 

Joel needed to let off some major steam, he needed to give in to this urge in his mind to fuck you the way he needed to. Just this once, he thought, just this once I get her the way I want to fuck her. Then that's it. As he slowly took himself in his hand he felt himself throb painfully. To try to curb his arousal a bit, he gently squeezed the base of his cock. As he did, he heard himself let out a long groan and he felt himself pulse within his hand. After taking another moment to settle himself, he found himself spitting into his hand and slowly sliding it up and down his shaft. He lightly ran his thumb over the swollen tip where he saw precum collecting and as he did he heard himself hiss at the sensation. “Fuck man, you gotta get this under control or you ain't gonna last long,” he said out loud continuing to slowly stroke himself. After a few more pumps he reached down with his other hand and gently cupped and massaged his balls, fantasizing that it was you doing it. 

As he continued to stroke himself, he thought about your mouth and how good it would feel for you to suck him off. Would he be able to deep throat you, and would you love it? He also thought about your hands and how good they would feel stroking his cock. He wondered how many other men you had been with, was he the biggest? Finally, he thought about your tight little hole. God he wanted to lap at it, suck it, and tongue fuck it. He knew from the first time he fucked you how tight you were. But this time he wanted to really take his time to explore you with his tongue, his fingers, and then with his rock hard throbbing cock.

"Fuck", Joel said to himself. "God baby, I need your pussy so badly” he moaned out loud to himself as he stroked himself faster and faster at the thought of you. “Yeah, come on baby girl. Just like that. Come on, baby. Fuck daddy just like that," Joel said while pumping his hand faster and faster. He was imagining fucking up into you the way he needed, with your legs wrapped around him, riding him hard and fast. He was thrusting so hard up into his hand, moaning and grunting to himself at the image of you fucking him that he knew that he was almost there, right on the edge chasing his high, a few more pumps before finally being able to blow his load the way he needed to. “Fuck y/n. Come on, mama. That’s right, fuck me” he said moaning hard as he continued.  “God damn it y/n, I want you so fucking bad right now. Please be a good girl and just fuck my cock, please baby” he panted, wanting you to be in front of him right now so bad, for you to fuck him hard. He wanted to hold on your hips and help you move your hips back and forth as he fucked you deep.  

“Yes, yes, yes” he panted, and just before he finally tipped over the edge he heard a loud “snap” of a tree branch.  Immediately Joel froze, looking through the trees to see who it was as his dick throbbed hard in his hand.  When he didn’t hear it again after a bit, he turned back to slowly give himself a few more pumps, thinking to himself “fuck man, ya gotta make this quick.”  As he started pumping his fist faster, he felt that same heat build up in his spine.  God, he was edging himself too much today, but he didn’t care, he needed release.  He hadn’t touched himself or let himself have an orgasm since the last time he fucked you.  He was desperate for release again. As Joel continued he thought of you again, and he felt himself get right on the edge once again before he heard another “snap” of a branch.  This time when Joel looked through the trees he saw someone walking through the woods, and he instantly froze thinking, who the fuck is that?

He sat there quiet, slowly tucking himself back in his pants and slowly reaching for his rifle as he watched the person walk closer to him. When you came into view and he saw that it was you, he became incredibly frustrated and said "Are ya fucking kidding me? The universe must be run by a goddamn woman, and that bitch must fucking hate me, cause she won't ever let me come." 

Frustrated Joel focused himself on taking a few slow and steady breaths. “Later, I'll finish this later" he told himself under protest. He tried to force himself to calm down the rest of the way before he was going to speak with you, because right now he didn’t think he could stop himself from stripping your clothes off and fucking you the way he was just fantizing about doing moments ago.

As Joel sat there watching you approach, he heard you mumbling to yourself. When you made the comment about Joel liking your ass with chopping firewood, it honestly piqued his interest. You weren't wrong per se, Joel did find your ass very attractive. However, he didn't need an excuse like chopping firewood to admire it. As Joel sat back observing you, he noticed that you were so focused and lost in your own head that you never saw him sitting there on the ground while you walked past. You continued to mumble to yourself about how much of a jackass Joel was, with that comment Joel shook his head thinking smartass. You also complained out loud that you too had needs that he wasn't fulfilling. He heard your comments about how unsatisfied that you were as a woman, and how you wanted him to touch you. You also voiced to yourself how frustrated you were with him that he wasn’t fulfilling all of your needs either. As Joel heard your statements, he quietly whispered to himself, “same thing here darlin', I'm just as fucking frustrated.”

When Joel heard you admit that you had no idea how to chop down a tree, he smiled to himself. He thought it was cute that you admitted out loud to yourself that you didn’t know what the hell you were doing, but you wanted to impress your man, a man named Joel. When Joel heard that, he felt a rush of blood go to his ego, and go someplace else too. So with a smirk on his face, he welcomed the show that he was sure you were about to give him with your ass, especially when they were placed in those tight pants. "Alright, baby. Show daddy what ya got" he whispered.

The longer you mumbled to yourself, the more he saw you move your weight back and forth between your feet. Those tight pants fit you nicely around your ass, and accentuated every curve you had. Joel wasn't a religious man, but today he was thanking God for being able to stay hidden in the shadows to just enjoy the show you were giving him. The longer you bent over and stood up repeatedly, the harder it was for Joel to get control of his ragging hormones and the strong urge to fuck you right here in the woods. He knew he couldn't act on it, but the urge to hold you, bend you over, and claim you as his was strong within him. He quietly adjusted his pants, reminding himself that he didn't have a claim like that over you. He took a few steadying breaths, but when he saw you bring the axe back, he knew you weren't going to hit shit with that stance. So with a smirk on his face he decided to speak and teach you a lesson. If you were going to be the fantasy of his dreams tonight, you might as well do it right, and not hurt yourself.

Right before you swung the axe you heard Joel say, “Darlin', I don’t think that’s the wisest idea there. Ya might wanna rethink what you’re tryin' to do.” You hadn’t known that Joel was sitting in the shadows behind you. You were so stuck in your own head that you never really looked around to view your surroundings to see who or what was present. You didn’t dare admit that to Joel, as you didn't want to start another argument with him. So sarcastically you said out loud, “yeah well, why is that Joel?”

When you didn’t hear him answer you right away, you turned around slowly to see where he was. With your senses heightened, you were trying to determine why he didn’t respond to you right away. All you hoped for was that he hadn't been bitten. When your eyes met his and you saw him sitting relaxed up against a tree, you were deeply surprised. He was looking at you with a shitty smirk on his face, like he was enjoying the show you were about to give him. Truly he looked relaxed and you had no idea why. As you glared at him with frustration at his easy posture, you noticed that he was slowly looking you up and down. When you caught him staring at your ass, you cocked your head and raised one eyebrow saying “I asked you a question Miller, don’t make me ask you again.”

Joel narrowed his eyes at the sass that you just gave him out of your mouth. God that mouth, he thought, what I’d love to do to that filthy mouth.  Joel felt his pants tighten once again at the thought about him fucking your mouth. He hadn’t had a woman’s mouth on him in so long that the mere thought of you doing it made him hard and weeping precum yet again. He knew he had to calm down before he lost all rational thought with you, and force you on your knees to suck him off.

As Joel stood up, he brushed the snow off from his pants, checked his rifle, and then turned away to re-adjust the front of him.  When he turned back around he saw that you were staring at his half hardened bulge still prominent in his jeans. He took in a long inhale, and as he exhaled he said “nothin' good ever comes from that darlin.’”

You were so lost in thought staring at the man in front of you that you never heard what he said. You were too focused on admiring Joel's manly features. Joel Miller was truly an amazing specimen. He had thick biceps that his jacket hugged nicely. He had powerful thighs that you knew could hold a woman up and fuck her properly. His hips and ass were perfect, sculpted by the Gods. He also had beautiful eyes. God you could get lost in those dark chocolate brown eyes. His lips, you already knew, felt amazing against your body. And his tongue, one you hoped would break you into submission again real soon.  

The longer you looked at Joel, the more you felt your body crave the man that was standing here before you. You knew Joel had said something to you, but honestly you were so lost in your own fantasy that you never heard what he said. As you came back down to Earth you shook your head saying “what?” with somewhat of a puzzled expression on your face.

Joel noticed your staring, and he didn’t care because he was doing his own staring too. Your slightly rosey cheeks, mouth slightly parted as you licked your plump soft lips, eyes fixed at the bulge in his pants. If he wanted to he could just walk over there and grab you by the- Fuck man, get it together and stop this shit right now, he thought to himself as he shook his head trying to clear his own mind.  After closing his eyes and taking a few breaths to steady himself he said while clearing his throat, “you’re gonna hurt yourself if ya continue." When you furrowed your brows further Joel added, “your form darlin’, your form is off. If ya hit that tree with that axe the way you’re holding it, you’re gonna hurt your shoulder and your back.”

You looked down at the axe that you were holding somewhat puzzled, and you realized that you were in way over your head. You felt embarrassed that you weren’t holding it right.  Here you were trying to impress the man in front of you, and you didn’t even think to ask Ellie if there was a technique required to do any of this.  You thought you could just grab the axe, swing it, and it’d work. While looking at the axe you felt stupid, and you felt that Ellie had set you up for where you were the butt of a funny joke yet again. Ellie knew how to chop down a tree because Joel showed her.  She also knew that it was a skill you had never learned before. So here you were, trying to make Joel think of you as a sexy, strong, and capable woman who could pull her own weight, when all you were doing was making a fool out of yourself.

You began to shuffle nervously on your feet, looking down and away from Joel when you said “I-I didn’t know. Um- I just thought-”

Joel could tell that you were upset, and turning slightly inward at the realization that you didn’t know what you were doing.  He hated when you turned inward like this because you weren’t completely wrong in what you were doing, just your form was a little messy.  As Joel approached you, he watched you back up slowly looking down. He felt anger rise into the pit of his stomach at your reaction.  He has never hurt you, nor treated you like shit in moments of teaching. He hated the fact that David did this to you. David was a piece of shit who had ruined what could have been an amazing moment with you. If that asshole was still alive today, Joel thought, I’d kill him again.   

Joel had realized that his anger was starting to boil to the surface, and that was something that he didn’t want.  He knew you'd take it that he was mad at you, but that wasn't the case.  He hated the circumstances of people hurting you. So he took a deep breath to calm himself while stepping forward to gently grab the axe from you while saying “Here honey, let me show you.” After he took the axe he showed you how to choke up on it before swinging it. He also showed you how to move your hand as you swung it to chop. When he was finished he gave it back to you and told you to try those hand movements. 

With a nod you grabbed the axe back from him. And as soon as you started to go to swing the axe to chop down the tree again you heard Joel say, “darlin’ are you trying to hurt yourself?”

“What Joel, what?” you bit back frustrated at him as you turned to face him. “I’m doing it just like you showed me, so what the hell is wrong now?”

Joel shook his head at your sass.  He was both turned on by it and completely annoyed and irritated by it. “Listen here little girl” he said with a little bite to his voice. “Don’t bite my goddamn head off when I’m tryin’ to help ya. You wanna know what’s wrong, it’s your stance. Your stance is wrong and I’m tryin’ to show ya how to do it right so you don’t go and hurt yourself.”  He stepped towards you and said “ now turn around and position yourself like you are going to swing the axe.”  When you didn’t move right away, he whispered in your ear, “come on darlin’, what are you afraid of?”

“You,” you answered without even thinking. “I’m afraid you’re going to-”

“Hurt ya? No darlin’ I ain’t gonna hurt ya” he said feeling the anger slowly boil underneath the surface yet again.  “I’m not like that piece of shit David. I’m. I’m just trying to help you, ok?” he said with a sigh. “Honey, I may not always be around and I want you to be able to do this right on your own. Ok? Now come on honey, show me”  he said while tucking a piece of hair behind your ear and nudging you forward.

When you didn’t move he said “Baby, come on. Please show me,” while coaxing you to continue.  You felt your heart race with how close this man was to you. It didn’t help that your head was swimming with what Ellie had said to you earlier.  You were flustered and Joel could sense it as you heard him laugh while saying “come on darlin’, show me.”

After a moment you finally found the courage to begin again.  You started to pull back on the axe once again like he showed you, but this time you felt him grab the axe to stop you from swinging it. Joel softly spoke in your ear saying “your legs are wrong baby, spread ‘em for me.”

You felt heat rise up from your spine and spread across your back and neck. Your also felt your face heat up where you could feel sweat starting to form on your brow. You also started breathing harder, almost panting for him.  You felt your underwear become slick, especially when he got closer and you could feel his chest touching your back softly.  He leaned into you closer, and you felt something hard brush up against your backside as he whispered softly into your ear asking you to spread ‘em. He was so soft and yet so commanding with you, and you loved it. You loved his roughness that he could show. God, you were so turned on by him right now but you didn’t think he meant what you thought he meant, so with a shaky breath you said “Wh-what?” 

Joel could tell how turned on you were by him and it gave him a little bit of an ego boost.  He wasn’t intending on playing this type of game with you, but he realized how his words and actions could have been misinterpreted to mean something more. But the fact that you were so flustered for him he wondered how long it had been since you gave yourself any proper attention. By the way your body responded with a simple phrase, he figured it must have been a long time.  And that was something that he needed to rectify with you soon, but not right now.  

But the longer the moment stretched on, and the more he saw your body respond to him, the more turned on Joel was even getting. God he was still so horny, not able to relieve himself fully so the thought of you getting flustered for him sent him into an animalistic nature. He wasn’t thinking clearly when he leaned in and said with a low growl, “You heard me darlin’. I said spread those fucking legs” And with that Joel put his foot in between your legs and forcibly spread your legs further apart, which caused you to almost lose balance. In an attempt to steady yourself you adjusted your hips and happened to press them hard against the front of Joel and that’s when you felt it, the full outline of his cock in his pants. At that moment instinct took ahold of you and you lightly rolled your hips against his hard bulge. 

You heard him give out a low feral growl again as he grabbed your hips while mimicking the same hip roll back into you. Pretty soon you both were panting as Joel started to dry hump you.  You knew he was turned on, begging for relief. God, he’s so fucking hard, what was he doing out here? You thought to yourself.  You started rubbing your ass harder up and down hard into his crotch, trying to give him some relief while working yourself up too.

“Yeah baby, just like that” you heard Joel say behind you.  He grabbed the axe and threw it to the ground.  He then reached around the front of you and pulled you further back into him. He immediately went to the front of your jeans and opened them up and then plunged his fingers, as soon as he felt how wet you were for him you heard him tsk behind you saying “fuck mama, this all for me?”

When you nodded your head frantically he whispered into your ear in a low growl, “good girl, now show me how you can fuck” as he slammed 2 thick fingers into your hot, wet, and throbbing pussy.  As soon as he did that you let out a low moan and frantically started humping his fingers. You felt Joel bite your neck while saying “come on baby, don’t forget to give daddy some attention.”  He angled your hips back again against his hard bulge and helped you get into a rhythm. You continued to hump his fingers while still giving him some much needed friction. “Come on princess, that’s it. Yeah, fuck me” he said while moaning against you as you both where humping each other.  

When your knees started to give out, he lowered you to the ground on all fours as he yanked down your pants further.  The next thing you knew Joel was humping you hard from behind saying “ya know, I saw two wolves the other day fuck like this and I couldn’t stop thinking about doing this to you” he said humping you hard like you both were animal’s in heat. 

“God, put your cock in Joel, fuck” you said rubbing harder against his ass.

“No, only good girls get daddy’s cock, you robbed me of another orgasm sweetheart.  I was a few more pumps from blowing my sweet fucking load before you interrupted me yet again” he said biting hard on the back of your neck. “I haven’t been able to fucking come since I fucked you in that sleeping bag” he admitted finding that the angle wasn’t giving him enough friction that he wanted.  So he quickly grabbed you and yanked your pants the rest of the way off while sitting back down against the tree.  “Well go on, if you wanna fuck so bad, go ahead. Fuck me” he said with blown out pupils.

You stilled and looked at him and said, “huh Joel, baby you need to-”

“Shut up and just do it,” he growled moving your hips back and forth over his hard bulge that was still prominent and fully clothed in his pants.  After the two of you were grinding hard back and forth, you both needed more friction. Joel quickly unbuckled his belt and freed his cock. You watched him slowly start to stroke himself while looking at you in your eyes saying, “fuck baby, what the hell are ya doing t’me? I’m so fucking horny for you that I ain’t thinkin’ clearly anymore baby.”

You watched as Joel slowly stroked his throbbing cock. You knew Joel was trying to figure out how he could stop what was happening, but knowing that he was too worked up to put an end to this.  It looked like it hurt him bad at how much he throbbed and how much precum was leaking from him. You didn’t want an argument so you scooted down his legs and then leaned back and spread your legs to him while slowly running a finger through your wet slick folds says “Joel, I’m just as fucking worked up. And I know you ain’t wanting to fuck, I’d gladly do it though if you wanted.”

When you saw Joel slowly shake his head no while still continuing to slowly stroke himself you said “yeah I didn’t think so.”

You found yourself slowly sticking a finger in your dripping pussy and moaning at the sensation as your eyes rolled back in your head. God, it had been so long since you had a proper orgasm.  When you opened your eyes again you saw Joel looking at you like he was a wolf wanting to devour his meal that was in front of him.  This gave you a boost of self esteem so you said “Joel, I’m so fucking horny, so how about we both do this a bit.  You touch yourself, and I touch myself, and we both give in to the orgasm that we both know we need.”

“I can’t darlin’, you ain’t gonna play fair if we do any more” he said while stilling his hand and closing his eyes.

“Hey, look at me,” you said gently while touching his cheek.  When he opened his eyes you continued saying “I promise we’ll just do this. No touching for either of us to the other person or we both know how it ends. I know you’re not ready for that yet. But Joel, baby, I fucking need to cum so bad right now that it hurts, so please touch yourself.”  After a few more strokes of yourself you slip your slick coated finger into his mouth so he can taste how worked up you were. 

Joel moaned when he tasted how good you were. He wanted to lap at you right now but if he did, he knew he’d forget all self restraint and fuck you hard. “Your shit to my self control love, ya know that? And ya don’t fucking play fair” Joel said after he pulled your finger out of his mouth with a pop. 

“Who said about playing fair Joel? Here I have my boyfriend, supposedly, who doesn’t want to ever do anything sexually.  First relationship I’ve ever had where he’s someone who’s all talk and no do” you say slowly teasing your clit at your words.

“Watch your mouth there smartass, or you may not like what you’ll get baby” Joel says as a warning.

“Fuck your self control Joel, and your good fucking attitude” you say while sinking 2 fingers knuckle deep within you. “I just want to fuck my boyfriend’s cock, is that so bad?” you say while moaning and pumping your fingers in and out of your tight dripping hole.

Joel watched you give yourself over to pleasure and he couldn’t help himself, he had to indulge in his own pleasure.  So he spit in his hand and then slowly started stroking himself in time with your fingers. God this is fucking hot, he thought to himself.  “Fuck baby, take my cock good like that. And for the record, your boyfriend does wanna fuck you bad” he said as he continued to stroke himself at the speed of your fingers.

When you opened your eyes you noticed Joel was matching you thrust for thrust.  To tease him a little bit you decided to slow down the strokes of your fingers while saying, “come on daddy, you know you can do better than that.”

“Fuck woman, don’t tease,” he growled at you while slowing his strokes down to match you.

“Why Joel, doesn’t it feel good?” you say, dragging out your pleasure just a little longer.

“Fuuuck” he groaned while slamming his head back against the tree, watching you slowly fuck yourself with your fingers as Joel kept edging himself in time with you.  

After a few more slow pumps of your fingers, you felt that familiar feeling of your walls fluttering around yourself.  You knew you were not going to last for very much longer. So you sped up your fingers to start to fuck yourself fast, panting and moaning for Joel.  You looked over and saw Joel panting just as hard, cursing under his breath, fucking himself hard and fast up into his hand.

“Joel baby, I want you” you say panting.

“I know baby, I know. Don’t stop Angel, fuck, don’t stop.” he said in a strained voice.

“Pleeease Joel, I need more” you say begging him, for what you didn’t know.

“I know Angel, I know. But we can’t, we can’t, fuuck” he says watching you desperately chase your high, not quite getting deep enough with your fingers that he knows that you need.  He watched you get frustrated, begging for him to help you, and him telling you no.  Finally after a bit Joel saw you slow down your fingers, pulling them out, knowing that you never came. It’s in that moment he sees your true frustration, you haven’t been able to come since he had sex with you last, not that you hadn’t wanted to, but you couldn’t.  God Joel felt like a complete asshole at this moment.

“Baby, what’s the matter?” he said as he watched you get up and put your pants back on. “Come on honey, don’t do this” he said pleading with you to not shut down.

As soon as you opened your mouth you pulled away saying “I can’t. We-we need to focus.” 

“Why? Why did you stop” he asked you as he also quickly stood up putting himself back together and zipping himself up. 

As you turned around to face him you said, “Joel, I just- I don’t know- tell me what I have to do to-”

It was then that he realized where you were going and all Joel could say shaking his head was “Don’t, don’t go there.”

“Don’t go there, seriously Joel?” you said with a bite to your voice. “No. No Joel, I want to go there. I want to know why. Why is it everytime we get alone and stuff like this happens you say no? Fuck Joel, I can feel you’re turned on, damnit I can see it still right now. We were- we-” you say while trying to put to words what the two of you were doing, because it felt like it was more than just mutual masterbation. Frustrated you said, “fuck Joel, I’m turned on. So why do you resist it, why can’t you just give in and-”

“And fuck you?” he said sarcastically. 

“Yes Joel, why? Why can’t you fuck me?” you snapped.

“You don’t know what you’re askin’ for darlin,’” he said while shaking his head and looking off into the distance.

You were so frustrated with this man. For the lack of any intimacy, for the lack of communication with you, and for the lack of honesty.  You knew he side-stepped conversations that meant something to him, or brought up strong emotions to the surface. He was a big old broody man, a man that you truly loved, but damnit, you didn’t care in this moment if he was comfortable or not. Everytime you have listened and dropped the topic of discussion, no resolution ever came later on. He’d forget it and move on, treating you as if the topic never got brought up. But not today, today you weren’t going to let him get off so easily. This man in front of you made you question why the hell you were even here in the first place.  For your own sanity, you needed to know. You had enough of the games the two of you played, this time you were going to get to the heart of this and find a solution no matter what the solution was. If not, then you were going to leave permanently.  

So with a deep breath, and nerves shaking you all over, you said “You know, for someone who says he cares and wants me as his girlfriend, you do have a funny way of showing affection. No wonder why Sarah’s mom and Tess-”

“Don’t. Don’t you fucking finish that goddamn sentence little girl, I’m warning you. Don’t.” Joel sneered at you, anger boiling fast to the surface. Who the hell gave you the right to even speak about his past relationships, something you knew nothing about, he thought to himself. 

“Why Joel, cause it’s the truth?” you say getting more and more angry.  “Why could you fuck them and not me?” you snap feeling the tightening in your throat coming on. You knew you were hitting his emotional button with anger, but he was hitting yours where you didn’t feel worthy of love.  Something you didn’t want to admit to him or even to yourself.

“If ya recall darlin,’” he said with a bite to his voice, “I did fuck you.” 

“Yeah one time Joel, one time. And I get it why you didn’t want to after that, that you wanted to date me or whatever. But shit Joel, we don’t kiss, we don’t hug, we don’t-”

“What the fuck were we just doing then y/n, huh? Cause it looked to me that we were definitely doing something” Joel snapped back.

“Yeah, until you would have came and then it would have been done, nevermind that I needed more” you say throwing your arms up in the air. “Jesus Christ Joel, what the fuck do I gotta do to get you to give a shit about me?” you snap back feeling the sting starting to burn hot in the back of your throat.

“I do care. I do give a shit y/n. Fuck, why do you think I’m even out here with you?” he snapped. He didn’t want to have this conversation, the one where he knew you backed him into the corner on having. The one where he had to admit his fault to you, the reason why he has held back for all of these years, even before the outbreak with other women. He knew he needed to turn and walk away before it went any further, but he couldn’t. He wanted to, but he could see you were breaking in front of him. You had an idea that he didn’t care and that was not the reason for this problem.  So he stayed and gave into your and his frustration, and stood there having the one argument with you that he never wanted to have. 

You were so lost in your own anger and frustration that you never saw Joel wince at your outburst, or look at you pleading with his eyes to stop, asking you not to push him any further.  You were so lost in your own emotions that nothing registered in your brain at what you were seeing before you.  You shouted at him saying, “I don’t know Joel, why are you out here? You haven’t hardly been alone with me for 5 seconds for the past month and-”

“For good fucking reason, y/n. I haven’t been alone with you for a good fucking reason. Jesus” he said throwing his hands up in the air out of frustration.

“Then tell me,” you yelled back with tears stinging your eyes and starting to slide down your cheeks. “Tell me why I’m not good enough, Joel. Why did you fucking save my life when you clearly didn’t want to. Why didn’t you just let Dave kill me, when you clearly don’t care. Tell me Joel, why? Why am I in love with a man that doesn’t fucking love me back? What do I have to do to get you to fucking se-see me?” you say as the sob escapes your lips at the admittance of your feelings for the one man standing before you.

It was in that moment that Joel hated himself. He knew you were struggling with those emotions, he knew you loved him but fuck, this was not how he wanted you to say it to him. He knew he wasn’t the guy that liked to communicate his feelings.  Tommy always said while growing up that Joel’s biggest fault was his lack of communicating how he felt. He knew that was the reason why Sarah’s mom did what she did and left, and of why Tess never fully gave herself to him. He hated talking about his emotions and feelings, but he knew that you needed to hear the reason why, because he didn’t want to lose the one person he fucking loved more than anything in this world right now, and that person was you.  Ellie was the other person he loved so much, but he loved her like his own daughter. Where he loved you like his wife, his soulmate. 

When he didn’t respond right away you shook your head and said “maybe I should just-”

“No,” Joel said interrupting you. “Please baby, don’t leave” he said looking up at you with bloodshot eyes. You saw how tears were forming in his eyes and you didn’t understand why. Why would a man who was so closed off with you, who always hated things you did really care if you stuck around. 

“Why Joel, why?” you asked feeling broken. “Please.”  

When he didn’t respond again and looked away, you decided to go pack up a few things to leave. Ellie was wrong, you thought to yourself, I was wrong, he never wanted me. You didn't want to chop down a tree anymore. You just wanted to leave, to stop this pain and to just, I don't know, figure your own life out alone. You turned and had only taken about 4 steps away when you heard Joel speak. 

“I used to do contracting work before the outbreak, I owned a business called Miller Contracting” he said.  You paused and looked over at him and waited. Honestly, you were a little baffled as to why he’d bring that up now. “That sounds pretty cool Joel, you must have done a good job” is all that you could say. 

Joel just shook his head and snorted at your comment.  After a moment he continued saying “Sarah was about 2 years old at the time. Teesh, my wife, short for Theresa, was a stay-at-home mom at the time. We had only known each other, dated for about 5 months before she got pregnant with Sarah. She was young, barely 19 when she got pregnant with Sarah and I, being in my early 20s fucking knew better. One night after a date she was so hot, wanting me so bad. It was raining outside and we were on our way back from the movies.  We had gotten into a horrible fight on our way back and she started to cry. She said that I didn’t love her. But fuck, if that woman really knew how I felt about her we wouldn’t have gotten into that argument.”

“Anyways,” Joel said while switching sides with his rifle and slowly walking up to you. “She said I didn’t care and the next thing I knew we were parked on the side of the road and she was on my lap and- well, let’s just say that Sarah was created in my truck that night. I didn’t have anything for protection and she pleaded with me to not pull out. I was so swept up in the moment that I didn’t think that she may have been ovulating” he said with a smirk.

After a moment of silence you said “Joel, I’m sorry that happened, but what does that have to do with-”

“Just give me a minute here baby, please” Joel said while wiping a tear off his face. Finally after a few moments of Joel lost in thought you heard him continue.  “Sarah was born 9 months later and Teesh and I were married when she was 5 months pregnant. Teesh and I didn’t get along much, but we put a great effort in. Well when Sarah was about a year old I started my own business, Miller Contracting, and Teesh was my biggest supporter at the time, or so I thought. I busted my ass for my family. We moved out of this shitty 1 bedroom apartment into a house that I had built for her and Sarah. Sarah was about 2 years old and Teesh said she wanted another baby. After a few discussions I had agreed and we tried, fuck baby we tried so goddamn hard to do it. But when you’re working 60 hours a week, hardly home in the summer, it makes baby making a little harder.”

“Well, one day I got done with work a little early, about 2 pm, and wanted to go home to surprise Teesh. Sarah was over at the babysitters house cause Teesh needed a break that day. I went and bought her some flowers, stopped and got her favorite cheesecake from the best bakery, and was gonna go home and show my wife that her man needed her.  I bought a card and wrote in the card ‘baby, I love you and need you, J’. And for me, that was a lot for sharing my emotions.”

“When I walked into the house I heard some moaning coming from the bedroom. I thought my wife was giving herself some much needed attention. God, I was so turned on by it, wanted to watch her touch herself and then help her finish. So I walked up the stairs to our bedroom and then froze with what I saw.”

You felt your heart race fast in your chest when you looked at Joel in the face. You saw a man that looked broken in this second, shattered. You watched him taking a few shaky breaths to calm himself. Finally after a moment you said softly “Joel, what did you see?”

With a shake of his head, Joel looked you straight in the eyes and said, “I saw my wife fucking my best friend. The man who was like a brother to me. He was balls deep in my wife, fucking her with no protection and she was begging him to come inside her. And she was fucking ovulating.”

“Oh my God Joel, I’m so-”

“Don’t. Let me finish” he said clearing his throat and swiping another tear away from his cheek. Finally after a few moments he said while looking off in the distance, “She said the reason why she did it was because I didn’t care about her, that she felt that I never loved her, yet I did.” Joel looked back at you and said “darlin’ I struggle communicating my feelings, as you can tell. But don’t ever think for a second baby that I don’t care about you, cause I do. I’m just scared. I’m scared of losing the people that matter the most to me. I’ve lost everyone so far that I’ve cared about deeply, and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t make love to you baby, not cause I don’t want to. Fuck woman, I want you more than you god damn know. I just. I can’t risk sentencing you to death or our baby to death, because I fucking knocked ya up out here.”

Joel gently grabbed your face with both hands, and with looking into your beautiful eyes he said “I see you mama. I see you so god damn much in front of me and I- I, fuck.”  You watch a tear slip down his cheek, while shaking his head he continues saying, “I see you honey, ok. And I care about you, so damn much,” and with that he leans in and puts the softest kiss to your lips.

You allow yourself to melt into the kiss, and into him.  You don’t ask for more than what he is giving you, because this was Joel showing you that he cared. After a moment he deepens that kiss and brings you closer to him.  He skims your lips with his tongue, asking gently for access to your mouth, and you grant it to him with no resistance.  He doesn’t wrestle you with his tongue, but slowly moves it in your mouth, where both of your tongues are doing a slow dance exploring each other.  This isn’t a kiss that says ‘I want to fuck you.’  This is a kiss that says ‘I love you.’  Even though he hasn’t said it to you, you can feel it in this moment with how he is kissing you, as it is so intimate.  And you communicate the same thing to him with your slow tender kiss back.

When Joel had finished exploring your mouth, he gently pulled back and nipped your chin and jaw.  He then pulls you close into his arms and wraps his arms tenderly around you saying, “I care about you kiddo, don’t ever think differently, ok? And I promise baby, I’ll work on the affection part. But know that I care about ya, alright. I fucking care and want you more than you’ll ever know.” He gently starts swaying you side to side in his arms, caressing the back of your head and kissing you periodically on the top of your head.

“Ok, old man,” you say, and you hear him chuckle above you. “But ya gotta give me more than just the cold shoulder Joel. If you want me to believe you, and that you do care, you gotta give me more than just telling me these things baby. You gotta show me, and don’t worry, we’ll go at a pace that is comfortable for both of us, ok?” 

“Ok mama, ok.” he says and gives you the softest kiss on your lips again.  After pulling all the way back he picks up the axe that had dropped and hands it to you while saying, “ok smartass now swing that fucking axe and let me see that nice ass of yours." As you turn around he playfully slaps your ass.

You burst out laughing and say “ok Papa Bear, you better go sit down or you’re gonna have a heart attack if ya don’t watch it.”  And with that you glance back over your shoulder at him before you swing the axe towards the tree.  As you line up, you glance back to see if your form is ok. He nods once at you in a silent encouragement to keep going and you hit the tree.  As soon as the axe hit the tree you heard him say “good job baby, now do it again.” And so you follow his instructions.  Pretty soon the tree was chopped all the way down by you.  He had given you instructions and feedback along the way, encouraging you to keep going.  He had offered you to let him finish chopping the tree down for you when you got tired, which you promptly told him if he moved one muscle to grab that axe you were going to swing it at his head.  He laughed at you holding his arms up in surrender, and told you to continue then.  

Once the tree was chopped down he grabbed the axe from you and told you to go sit down to rest. He showed you how to check the tree for closer damage and how to chop some of the unhealthy branches off first. When you offered to drag the tree back to the cabin he said to you “nah baby, I got it” and then you followed him back watching him flex his muscles for you. Once you were back you immediately started sectioning off the tree into easier sections for firewood. Joel helped you chop wood, quietly glancing over at you as you both worked.  Once you saw him glance at your ass and stare at the curve of it.  You smiled and said “eyes up here cowboy” and pointed to your face.  He quickly cleared his throat and said “was looking behind you, not at ya,” as he adjusted his jacket with a red face from embarrassment that you caught him looking.  

You thought Joel being embarrassed looked cute, so you walked up to him and said with a smile “ya I know, my behind is sexy isn’t it?” Joel never answered you, but looked at you with intense eyes as he tightened his jaw.  When you walked away you heard him say under his breath “yeah baby it fucking is” and then you watched him re-adjust the front of his pants yet again.  Ellie was right, you thought to yourself, points go to the cocky teenager for being right.  You make a mental note that next time you talk with Ellie about something like this, you tell her that she was in fact right.  Papa Bear does love it when you go out to chop firewood.  You also make a mental note that you will definitely be making a trip out to the pine trees with Joel yet again. 

-End of Chapter 5-

A/N: Wow, this is the filthiest thing I have written so far. Once again there will be other chapters with these two. I already have a few written, had to split up what I originally wrote for this chapter into 3 separate chapters. Things eventually will heat up with these two and they eventually will fully give in. If you want to be added to the taglist let me know in the comments (tags only added to completed chapters or upcoming one-shots, not teasers).

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow

[aithusarosekiller]

I saw your Jegulus post about them not being the typical teenage romance and can I just give you a double high five in agreement! I then HAD to find one of many moments I've written for them which exemplify this and share it with you. And this one is the one I settled on. Remus' POV, year five for the Marauders, year four for Regulus. Context is, this is the first time Remus has spent time with James and Regulus together after discovering their secret relationship. It's James' birthday and Lily wants James occupied all day so she can prep for his party. Lily also knows about James and Regulus BTW, makes contextual sense in the story (Sirius does not know, doesn't apply to this scene though).

Hope you enjoy. :)

>>><<<

There were people who loved each other, like Remus loved Sirius. He would have handed Sirius his body, heart, and soul. He loved him with every ounce of his being. And yet… There were people who loved each other, and then there was James and Regulus.

Remus could think of no other way to describe it. They weren’t two hearts beating for each other. They were the void between heartbeats. They occupied the infinitesimal moment as an inhale became an exhale. They were two people, who shared a single soul. And being around them was both intoxicating and strange. Remus felt like if he breathed too hard in their direction he’d mess with their air, which was exactly perfect between them as their breaths mingled. For surely two people so melded would only breathe the air of the other. And then they would poke fun at each other and their aura would brighten, literally bringing each into sharper visual focus, before it blurred again as they melted back into each other. 

They didn’t even have to be touching (though they nearly always were) for this phenomenon to take place. And for half the day Remus thought he was merely groggy from the Pamoja wielding. He thought his brain was sending him confused signals as he watched James and Regulus be James and Regulus. 

But a massive lunch, plenty of teenage goofing off, and exploring the surrounding forest left him with a very clear mind and the same mental signals. At which point Remus decided James and Regulus were an exhibition in their own category of relationship, absolutely unique to them. Love was not the word he would use to describe them. It was so much more. They filled the spaces no one else even noticed. And it merged their existence into a single organism. 

It was fucking intense. 

After they parted ways, as James and Remus continued up to the castle together, Remus said tentatively, “hey, so is it always like that?”

“What do you mean?” asked James absently. 

“Er, do you really not know.”

James glanced over at him. “It’s always like that, yeah.”

“Bloody hell.” Remus couldn’t get a good read on James’ face for they were walking side by side, but he thought James might be smiling. “I knew he had to be something special and way more substantial than he looks to withstand your affection, but Godric James. I don’t even know what to call that. I’m not sure it’s physically sustainable.”

“He’s my star.”

“Mate, he’s your fucking universe.”

James playfully threw out an elbow and definitely didn’t look at Remus. 

“What can I say, we are infinite. Don’t look so scandalized, you and Sirius aren’t so different.”

“No, we are very different. We exist in the physical world James. You two are already way out there in your own orbit.”

“See why I can’t lose him.”

They took several paces before Remus spoke.

“James, I’m scared for you. That kind of connection has to be dangerous.”

“Want to stop and have a smoke?”

“Took the words right out of my mouth mate.”

<3

JUST REMEMBERED I HAD THIS IN MY INBOX FOR AGES I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS

But honestly it's one of my favourite things about them, the poetic quality makes it feel like they're finding each other again just when they need it at the same time as we're finding them when WE need it, you know?

That's so real though, the idea of the two of them being able to almost spiritually feed off of each other's presence is so true. Like existence is centred around them for a moment. They take over everything.

And it's probably bad in the long run but it's so beautiful that the pain is okay. Because without all of the painful bits, were the good parts really all that valuable?

Also I love your style, it feels real and almost factual if that makes sense? Even when you're describing metaphysical aspects the certainty gives a strong feeling of truth and rationality. I like it.

[film-in-my-soul]

Hey!! For the a ship, a trope, a sentence ask game: How about Icemav - accidental secret realtionship with "you guys walked in on us in the locker room, more than once, how did you not know?"

Maverick is nervous. He knows, realistically, that he shouldn't be. DADT had been repealed, Slider did a whole coming out thing for his niece the year before, hell, Maverick's seen Wolf with his hands down Holly's pants. But still, this is different. This clarifies that what he's got with Ice is here to stay, not a relative (well-loved as she is) or a hook-up when it's easy.

A hand slots into Maverick's, a body saddling up next to his in the bar booth. The hand is large, familiar, and heavier with the weight of the ring he'd slipped down Ice's fourth finger without complaint. It slides away just as quickly, old habits worn into the other man, but Maverick doesn't complain, not when Ice puts that same hand on Maverick's thigh.

"Could feel your leg shaking all the way from the door."

Maverick scoffs. "Sure you could."

Ice knocks their shoulders together and doesn't leave space between them when he settles again. It makes Maverick smile, opening his mouth to tease again when Slider's loud and unmistakable voice draws his attention.

"Alright, break it up, love birds," he slides into the space across from them, Hollywood hot on his heels.

"Where's Wolf?"

Slider rolls his eyes, and Hollywood winces.

"Might have accidentally told him the wrong day. He and Cindy took the kids to dinner."

Maverick kicks the other man under the table and doesn't look sorry when Hollywood yelps. All his previous nerves slip, and he pushes menus towards the new arrivals, waiting until their food's put in and they have drinks to try and broach why he and Ice have gathered them.

When he can't manage, picking at the corner of his bottle, Slider sighs.

"Alright, you two gonna tell us what this is all about? Cause if I gotta learn Maverick knocked up some Admiral's daughter, I'm making you pay my part of the bill."

And somehow, Slider's ability to shit talk right through a thick atmosphere has Maverick's tongue loosening.

"Ice and I are gettin' hitched." He doesn't even need to drag Ice's hand out with the simple silver engagement band, the man at his side doing it himself with a raised brow like he's daring either of the other men to say something about it.

They don't, though arguably it's worse than if they had. Hollywood spits out the beer he'd been sipping, and Slider's jaw drops damn near to the table.

"You-"

"I'm sorry, what-"

"When the hell did all this happen?" Slider settles on, waving a hand between Maverick and Ice. It makes Maverick's brows furrow, but Ice drops his arm over his shoulder, too, so what minor irritation had been forcing that expression smooths out, leaving only blatant confusion.

"What the hell do you mean?" There's a bit to Maverick's tone.

"Hey," Holly says, finally done choking, "it's not that we're not happy for you guys, hell yeah, marriage and all that, but... just... isn't it a bit fast?"

It's Maverick's turn for his mouth to slacken. He'd say they're fucking with them, but honestly, Hollywood's a shit liar, and Slider would have made some crack about them being married already.

"Are you both saying you didn't know?" Ice asks, drawing Maverick's eyes to him. He's unsurprised to see an equal amount of surprise pinching Ice's lips into a downturned line.

"I mean... we haven't seen you both in a while." Slider hedges, shrugging, and Maveirk's had just about enough. He throws up his hands.

"We've been together since '92!" comes his exclamation, "You guys walked in on us in the locker room more than once. How did you not know?"

Slider is the one who chokes this time, and Hollywood, flush high on his cheeks, probably remembering something he ought to have forgotten grimaces.

"Whoops?"

Maverick feels even less bad slamming the toe of his boots into the other man's calf a second time.

What a bunch of idiots.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

honestly maybe it's just me but buck is literally repeating the same steps as with natalia and taylor as with tommy. they meet, he has a crush, go on a date, it's awful and the date leaves, they then come back, then try for real. Like it sounds like even though Buck is off the hamster wheel in regards to his sexuality he very much is still on the hamster wheel when it comes to repetitive mistakes when it comes to his relationships.

Hey Nonnie

I woudn't say that at all. Yes of course there are some similarities - there always will be - between Buck dating Tommy and the Buck who dated Taylor or Natalia. But the reality is they are worlds apart.

For starters Tommy didn't leave because the date was awful, he left to give Buck some space to do a bit more figuring out - he said so himself that his what he was doing. He chose to leave the ball in Bucks court, understanding this was a big new thing for him and that it wouldn't be right to continue anything until Buck was ready. Buck then contacted him when he was and they met up and decided mutually to give things ago.

This is very different to both Taylor and Natalia - both of whom left after something big had happened in Bucks life (Eddie being shot and Kameron popping up out of seemingly nowhere) and then they were the ones to come back - to chase after Buck.

Look we can have whole conversations about the chasing being chased aspect of things but the long and short of it is That both Taylor and (to a lesser extent) Natalia, Ali and Abby chased Buck in one way or another and when it suited them. Tommy has never chased Buck - he shot his shot, sure, made his interest known, but he hasn't once chased Buck. Buck has always mistaken things for him doing the chasing (he is an very unreliable narrator) becuse he gets invested fast and so pursues things. His mistake is moving to fast - falling to quickly for people.

This is the major fundamental difference with Tommy, who is older and wiser and settled with who he is and what he wants. He also has the understanding of being queer and coming out later in life - of discovering that part of yourself that has been hidden and the fact it might take Buck a minute to figure out things.

The other big thing for me is the level of honest Buck is being here - this isn't something we've seen before in this way. He has been completely up front with Tommy when it has been important for him to be so (I would argue he did do the same for Natalia but that he was more forced into it by circumstance). That coffee they had was a very very clear example of that, he sat down, appologised and laid his cards out on the table. He's told the two most important people in his life that he's bi and interested in Tommy and yes maybe going to a wedding is a bit fast, but he also knows most of the people there so he's not walking in to a big unknown in t hat respect and he has a lot of goodwill with the firefam at this moment after flying them to the curise ship so they could rescue Athena and Bobby.

In all honesty I'm far more circumspect about Natalias behaviour as well - far more than a large portion of fandom was towards her. Did I like her as a character or for Buck, No I didn't, but she also didn't do all that much wrong in my eyes, her wanting to take a minute when presented with all that Bucks life is, to think things through before jumping into something is perfectly acceptable and healthy behaviour. The reality is that she was more interested in Bucks death than she was in his life and thats probably what brought her back - that itching need to know more about his death and what it was like.

But she came into his life when he was in a rough place mentally and it was never going to go well for that reason alone. All of Bucks girlfriends have that in common - they met him on the job and then come inot his life when he is having some form of internal crisis. Abby when he had just lost his first person on the job - making him emotionally vulnerable. Ali when he's accepted his relationship with Abby wasn't going anywhere a new guy had just started at work (yes they were getting on by this point but it is still new and an unknown) and his sister had just come back into his life after having had no contact for several years - and he knows she's in a fragile place. Taylor messes hm around but when she comes back into his life and wants to date him - Eddie has just been shot and he's looking after Christopher - he's massively emotionally compromised. None of these are good times to start a romantic relationship.

That isn't the case with Tommy - Bucks actually in a pretty decent place - yes the whole discovering he's queer could be argued as making him emotionally compromised, but he's being given the grace to do things at his own pace - in a healthy way - Tommy is letting Buck dictate the pace they go at.

We also have to remember that we are in a tv show - every single character who isn't a main (or to a certain extent a recurring) is there to act as a storytelling vehicle for one of the mains - their character traits are always going to be those which help get a main character from A to B, to move the story along and to make sure our mains learn something about themselves and their fellow mains along the way.

Abby was about getting Buck from being a bit of a clueless player into a long term (ish) relationship - about growing him out of his jock ways and getting him (and us) to recognise that he isn't a player that he wants real love and a long term relationship. Ali was about him getting over his first big disappointment - about getting hm to move on and about getting him his own place to exist. Taylor was about learning what love didn't look like, about how to treat others and showing him what he wasn't looking for and teaching him not to compromise on his morals. Natalia was all about Buck reconciling himself with his death and rebirth and as soon as he had done that, she was gone.

Tommy is about Buck discovering his queer identity, having a safe space to explore that and about getting him ready for Eddie - its why Tommy is soooo similar to Eddie - Buck will come out of this relationship (whatever form it takes) understanding who he is, and recognising what he wants is what he already almost has - Eddie.

Tommy is also about helping manoeuvre Eddie into questioning himself - another reason why he is so similar to Eddie - Eddie needed to see a gay version of himself - and with Buck to actually start thinking about himself and who he is and what he wants.

So all this to say that Nonnie - Buck has very much got off that hamster wheel and he is very much not making the same mistakes over again. I'm very excited to see how it continues to play out and I'm overjoyed with how the show is handling telling this story.

[mvltixcc]

Girls Like Girls - Robin Buckley X Cheerleader!Reader

Summary: Robin has a crush on the new girl in town. Y/N is also a new member of the cheer squad, which means Robin sees her all the time at games and other school events. Unfortunately, Robin is put in a tough situation. She's scared to talk to her because the cheerleaders have a reputation of being mean girls and she fears that Y/N may not feel the same. Little does Robin know that Y/N does not appear as she seems. Y/N becomes best friends with Eddie, which seems unlikely at the surface due to different social circles. This leads to rumors of course and word spreads like wildfire here at Hawkins, which then makes Robin's feelings even more confusing. After hanging out with Steve and the gang, Robin starts to see a different side to Y/N. Will they end up together or will they just remain friends?

Word Count: 3.7k

Pinterest board for inspiration

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Chapter 6

You heard the ding of the bell as someone had entered the book store. “Hey there, welcome to- oh hey you!” You say looking up to the customer but seeing Robin instead. Your mood had instantly lifted. It had been months since the Christmas party at Steve’s and things were going great between you and Robin. You guys were hanging out a lot more. You had things that turned into weekly traditions. Like going to the movies every Friday night, going to the diner every Sunday morning and getting breakfast, and now that it was getting warm out you went on walks after school everyday. You loved the time you got to spend with her. It just felt right between the two of you. You had missed her and were grateful to have her back. “What are you doing here?” You asked with a smile.

“Oh you know, just bringing you some lunch. I figured it might be a slow day so I thought I’d keep you some company.” Robin said, setting down some food to share between the two of you. 

“Well aren’t you just a peach!” You say walking from behind the counter and giving her a hug.

“You look so pretty today.” Robin complimented as she took your hand. You did a twirl while still holding her hand. You were wearing a white top with a black skirt, something simple but still so beautiful in Robin's.

You blushed at her compliment. “Thank you sweet angel!” You thanked her. 

The pair of you sat and ate the food that Robin had brought. You chatted about spring break plans as it was coming up in a few weeks. Steve of course wanted to throw a party since his parents would be gone and Eddie wanted to go on a road trip with everyone. But you and Robin just wanted to stay back and have a nice relaxing time. Sadly it was not an option as it was split in the middle and it was up to the two of you to decide what you all did. 

“I mean if we pick a party at Steve’s, maybe it won't be a big thing? You know, just make it like a few of us or something?” Robin suggested.

“Yeah that could work honestly. You don’t wanna be stuck in a van with Eddie, it can get super gross and smelly. He is a man after all! Plus all of us confined in such a tight space like that, we’d probably kill each other eventually.” You chuckled. The thought of that could make Robin spiral, she had avoided Eddie as much as she could. If she were around him, she’d just get angry and sad all over again just like that night at your house all those months ago. 

“So it’s settled then, we’ll have a small party at Steve’s. I’d better call him and let him know, can I use the phone here?” She asked, you handed her the phone and cleaned up the trash from lunch.

“Hey Harrington, we made a decision. We’ll have the party. BUT, only if it’s just our group. No big Harrington bash. I’m serious!” She said. Robin continued the phone call with Steve as you finished cleaning up. “Yeah yeah yeah, whatever dingus. Look I gotta go okay? Bye.” Robin said, hanging up the phone shortly after. People were starting to stagger in and look around, which meant Robin had to leave. “Alright well, I guess I should head out and let you go.”

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow angel!” You said waving goodbye to her and quickly started helping people find what they needed. You liked working at the bookstore, it was usually pretty calming most days. Plus when it was super dead, you were able to read some of the books yourself. You were currently hooked on reading The Lord of The Rings series and you had just finished The Hobbit not too long ago. You wished you could buy the full set, but it had cost way too much. 

“Did you find everything all right Mrs. Gibson?” You said as you were checking out one of your usual customers. Mrs. Gibson would come in every week to find new books for her young granddaughter. It was sweet and you enjoyed the conversations you would have with her. 

“Oh yes I did! How have you been my dear?” She asked.

“I’ve been great! Just been working, going to school, and hanging out with my friends. I hope you’re doing well!” You replied. 

“I’ve been doing good! Any fun plans for spring break?” She asked, pulling her wallet out of her purse. 

“Your total is $13.45 by the way! Me and a few friends are gonna have a small get together, but that's all that I have planned. How about you, do you have anything fun planned?” You say to her.

“Well Mr. Gibson and I are planning on heading to Florida with the family, we have a little beach house there and we go a few times a year!” Mrs. Gibson replied, handing you the cash. 

“That sounds lovely, I hope you and your family have a wonderful time!” You handed her the receipt and exchanged goodbyes.

The rest of your shift went by rather quickly, you soon headed home to get dinner and ready for bed as you had school in the morning.

 You stood at your locker getting your books for the next few classes, when suddenly you see a pair of feet before you. You close your locker to see Robin standing there. “Are we still on for tonight?” She asked with a grin.

“Yes we are, but I do have to help Eddie study for exams after school. I will absolutely be there to pick you up at our usual time once I'm done!” You say as you walk with her to your next class, which you just so happened to have with her. 

“Seems a little early to be studying for exams doesn’t it?” Robin questioned.

“Well you know Eddie, he’s gotta start early if he wants to graduate with us.” You said. This was important to you which meant it was important to Eddie. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone, especially you. He cared too much about you to let you down. So if that meant he had to buckle up and study, then that's what he would do. 

“I guess that makes sense. As long as he doesn’t take you away from me for our movie night then we’ll be good, otherwise I’d probably have to beat him up.” You chuckled at her joke but Robin was only semi joking. You both took your seats as class was starting.

“Alright everyone, pop quiz time!” The teacher said which made the class groan.

Robin sat on her front steps waiting for you to pick her up for the movies. She continuously kept checking her watch, she feared that you were gonna be late or not show up at all. She knew how you got when you would hang out with Eddie. As Robin got caught up with her anxious thoughts, she heard a honk. She had checked her watch for the time. There you were right on time as you said you would. Robin let out a sigh of relief, she hated thinking the worst at times. Especially when the thing she was so anxious about ended up working out and being fine in the end.

“You ready to go?” You asked as Robin got in the car. She nodded and buckled her seatbelt. “Alright then, let's go!” You said driving off to the theater. 

You make it there and stand in line to get your tickets. As you were deciding which film to see, you heard a voice behind you. “Oh well well well, look who it is, girls?” You and Robin turn around to see who it is, but deep down you know already.

“Hello Chrissy.” You say with an unpleasant sigh. “Can we help you with something?” Robin asked.

“Yeah you can actually, why don’t you both go crawl back into whatever hole-” Robin held up her hand to Chrissy.

“Would you just give it up already and go bother someone who actually gives a shit?” Robin stated. She was a little shocked with herself. She never stood up to people like Chrissy. 

“Ugh whatever! Let’s get out of here girls” Chrissy scoffed as her and her friends walked away. 

“Next please!” The ticket holder called. It was your turn in line. You bought your tickets and made your way inside to get snacks and catch your seats. You had decided on seeing Gremlins as Robin hadn’t seen it yet and she knew how much you enjoyed horror films. Plus it had a little bit of a Christmas feel to it, which you knew how much Robin loved Christmas.

The movie was going well and you were both enjoying it. Robin was so tranced at the screen that she almost jumped at you holding her hand, but that feeling had soon faded as you started to rub your thumb against her skin. It was a simple act of affection but it meant so much to Robin. It brought her so much comfort and reminded her of the first night that you ever held her hand. She got butterflies just thinking about it. 

“So did you enjoy the movie?” You asked as you drove Robin home. 

“I actually did!” Robin exclaimed, she was rambling on about the cinematography and anything else that she could having to do with the film. “I’m rambling again aren’t I? Oh god I’m sorry, when I get excited-” 

“It’s okay, I find it cute the way you ramble. Especially when you get excited about things.” You reassured her. You turned to her and moved a piece of hair out of her face gently. “There, now I can see all of your pretty face!” You say with a giggle. Robin just sat there with her mouth open, all she could do was sit there and turn a light shade of pink. 

“I um-” She coughed trying to clear her throat. “Thank you.” Robin said, looking straight ahead. For the rest of the ride home you talked about what you both would do before the party at Steve’s. You had decided on going to the park and reading a book with her and going to the music store to check out the new records that were in stock. You were both excited to spend more time together, just the two of you doing things that you both enjoyed.

“Roads go ever ever on, Over rock and under tree, By caves where never sun has shone, By streams that never find the sea; Over snow by winter sown, And through the merry flowers of June, Over grass and over stone, And under mountains in the moon. Roads go ever ever on, Under cloud and under star. Yet feet that wandering have gone Turn at last to home afar. Eyes that fire and sword have seen, And horror in the halls of stone Look at last on meadows green, And trees and hills they long have known”

You read aloud as you lay your head in Robin’s lap. You were both lying in the field at the park as the sun was setting. You were finishing up reading The Hobbit to Robin as she hadn’t read it before. Eddie let you borrow his copy. As you were reading, Robin played with your hair with one hand, while you held the other. It was a perfect moment and neither of you wanted it to end. Once you had finished the book, the pair of you just stayed where you were. Enjoying the company of one another until the sun had fully set. Robin helped you clean up once it was time to go. 

“So do you know who’s gonna be at this party tomorrow?” Robin asked. She wanted to make sure Eddie wouldn’t be there to ruin her moment. She was finally going to take Steve’s advice and ask you out. She felt that things were going well with the two of you and you had been spending more time with her than with Eddie. 

“I’m honestly not sure, I know it’ll be us, Nancy and Mike, maybe Dustin, Lucas, and Max as well.” Robin let out a sigh of relief. Surely you would know if Eddie were coming and if you did then you would have told her. The both of you continued to talk more about the party as you drove Robin home. 

“So I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 8 and then we can stay at my place after the party!” You say as Robin stands outside the driver side door. 

“That sounds perfect to me, I’ll see you then! Drive safe!” Robin replied as she made her way to the front door. 

“Don’t I always?” You chuckled and drove off. 

Tomorrow was going to be a big day and Robin just hoped it would go the way she had planned it all week.

It was finally the big night of the party and Robin was a nervous wreck. She tried to hide that from you but you knew her too well. “You okay there?” You asked. 

“What oh uh yeah, yeah I’m okay.” Robin replied, fidgeting with her fingers. You grab her hand and rub your thumb like you normally do. You could tell something was eating at her, but you never pushed her to tell you anything she didn’t want to talk about. 

“Well whatever has you all anxious, just know I’m here for you, however you need me, okay angel?” You say still rubbing your thumb on her smooth skin. She nods her head and thanks you. 

You both arrive at the party and already there’s a good amount of people there. You make your rounds to say hello to everyone and suddenly the doorbell rings. 

“What’s up, party people?!” Eddie shouts over the music as he and a few of the other members of the Hellfire gang walk in, setting the pizza and soda down on the table. 

“Oh my god Eddie!” You yell in excitement as you jump into his arms. You hadn’t seen him for a while and you missed him like crazy. “I missed you so so much Eds!”

He spun around with you in his arms. “I missed you too peach!” Eddie exclaimed. 

Robin went into the kitchen to hide away, she was angry. She felt like her entire plan was ruined. Steve came into the kitchen to see what was wrong.

“Hey, what the hell is going on?” Steve asked as Robin was hunched over the counter.

“Why is he here?!” She asked, anger seeping in her voice.

“Well when I was inviting Dustin, Eddie may have overheard so I had to invite him too. I felt bad, I didn't want to leave him out.” Steve responded and gave his friend a sympathetic look. “Robin, I’m really sorry. I should have told you that he was coming. Y/N didn’t know, don’t be mad at her.” 

She let out a harsh sigh. “Whatever.” She said brushing past Steve and going back to the party. 

Everyone was watching a movie in the living room so Robin sat in the recliner and watched along to try and get her out of this sour mood. She was determined to get her moment with you, no matter what it takes. She wanted it to be perfect.

There you were sitting on the sofa with Eddie, your legs on his lap as he held onto you. She couldn’t take it anymore. She stormed out of the room and went outside and sat by the pool. You soon followed after her to see if she was okay. 

“Robin? Hey, what's the matter?” You say sitting next to her.

“Why does HE have to be here?” Robin scoffed.

“Who?” You asked.

“Eddie, that's who!” She yells.

You had never seen Robin this upset before. You tried to comfort her the best you could. ‘Had something happened between them? Why was she so mad at Eddie?’ So many thoughts were racing through your mind you didn’t know what to think.

“Did something happen with you guys?” You questioned Robin.

“Yes- well no. Not exactly.” She began to quiet down and look away from you, trying to hide the tears that were forming. You could hear her voice breaking as she spoke.

“Hey, angel. Talk to me, what’s going on?” You said trying to get her to look at you.

“It’s just- it’s not fair.” Robin began to say.

“What’s not fair?” You asked.

“That HE gets to be with you. That he gets to make you laugh the way that you do, that he gets to do the things that I should be able to do with you. It’s just so goddamn unfair!” She sobbed. 

“Robin-” She interrupted you before you could continue.

“That’s why I didn’t talk to you for that period of time, I couldn’t stand seeing you together the way that you are. I’ve been through this with Vickie. It broke me so badly and I never wanted to face that kind of rejection or humiliation ever again and now it’s happening all a second time. I had this big plan to ask you to be my girlfriend and to go to the prom with me. I love spending time with you. I love the way you twirl around in your skirts. I love the way you scrunch your nose like a bunny. I love the way that when the wind hits just right, I can smell your perfume and how sweet it is. I love the way that your eyes sparkle in the moonlight. I love the way that I feel when I’m with you. I love you. I love you so damn much. But I can’t bear to see you with Eddie anymore. I just-” You pulled her face towards yours and kissed her. She didn’t know what to think, she hadn’t done this with anyone before. It didn’t take long for her instincts to kick in. Robin began to kiss you back. Your lips began to move in sync with hers, like it was meant to be. You tasted sweet, like strawberries. She knew how she felt about you and she knew this just felt right. 

“Robin, Eddie and I are just friends. I promise you that. He’s my best friend and that’s it. Eddie is my Steve.” You began to say. “He was the first friend I ever really made. I never had any growing up, I got picked on a lot. He understood me in ways that no one ever had. We both lost our mom’s and our dad's aren't the greatest.” 

‘That would explain why she lived with her grandparents.’ Robin thought to herself. You began to wipe away her tears gently. 

“Robin, I’ve had feelings for you for so long. I tried to give as many signals as I could, I just thought that you maybe didn’t feel the same. You are so special to me and I care about you so much. You mean everything to me. I love the way you ramble when you get nervous and even about the things that you're passionate about. I love that little hair that hangs in your face. I love that I can be myself when I'm with you. I love how funny you are, I just love you Robin.” You admitted to her. 

“Really?” She asked.

“Yes really!” You giggled.

“So does this mean-” Robin started.

“Yes, I will be your girlfriend!” You said and you kissed her cheek. 

“Cool, that’s- that’s super cool.” She said getting flustered. You giggled at her and stood up from where you sat. 

“Come on, let’s go back inside and have a good time.” You suggested, holding out your hand to help her up. She took your hand and got up, following you back inside. The group ended up having fun the rest of the night, watching movies, eating junk food, and playing games. It was around midnight when everyone started to head home.

“Hey Munson, wait up!” Robin called to Eddie as he headed toward his van.

“What’s up?” He asked, turning around to face her.

“Look, I’m really sorry for the way I’ve treated you as of late. You’re a good guy and I was just-” She let out a sigh. “Just jealous of you and I thought that you were with Y/N, so I acted horribly to you and that wasn’t fair. I’m really sorry Eddie.”

He chuckled. “It’s alright Robin, really. You didn’t know and I don’t blame you for that. I appreciate the apology. Just hope that we can be friends now.”

“Definitely!” Robin proclaimed. 

The two said their goodbyes and Robin made her way back to your car. You drove off back to your house, holding onto her hand. She began to think to herself about how Steve was right all along once again. “Damn you Harrington.” She muttered to herself.

“What was that?” You asked, looking over to her.

“Oh nothing, it was nothing.” Robin replied with a huge smile on her face.

Next chapter

[shadowreader23]

Jason Todds Revenge (prolouge)

"Are you sure?" Talia asked him for what felt like the millionth time as he packed his bag to leave

"Im sure Tals just you wait. Bruce is all to prepared for a physical confrontstion hes prepared for that but a mental one? He'll have no idea what hit him.

"Me and Damian will join you as soon as possible i need to make sure my father wont follow us. Thank you for everything you'vr done for me you'vegrown into someone im proud to call my son" Talia said honestly she had been going down a dark path without even realizing it. Jason had helped pull her bacl to the light and she couldn't be mpre greatful.

"Take care of yourself T, Call me if you need anything" He said closing his bag and leaving the room. He had a plane to catch and a plan to get revenge. B wouldnt know what hit him until it was too late. ________ Gotham was exactly the way he remembered it. Some things never changed. The first thing he did was set ip several hideouts for himswlf across the city and refamillarise himself with his surroundings. He did so by walkimg through the pouring rain of gothams streets. Some things Never change. ----------------- "I have to go to this confetence Dick. Bruce Wayne is expected to be there" Bruce wayne said walking to the civillan garage and selecting a car that would be worthy of being 'Brucie Waynes' transport for the night. He settled on the silver mercedes and got into the drivers seat only to hit his head on the top of the inside of the car. Dick couldnt help it he burst out laughing especially when bruce started to scowl last time hed used this car there had been a small space between his head and the top of the car so why wasbt there now? The seat appeared to be in the exact same position. As he drove his car to the event he could tell something else wasnt right but couldnt quite put his finger on it there was something different about the car but nothing obvious had it been because he hadnt used it for a while? Pulling into the event he parked only to clip his elbow on the wingmirror as he walked away from the car. What was wrong with him today? Maybe Alfred was right. It was time he got a full nights rest especially if it was affecting his preformance like this.... he walked into the event deep in thought while a figure several roofs away watched the incident with his binoculars. Bruce wayne was going to have 99 problems and Jason was going to be responsible for all of them.

(This is just the prolouge what do you think should i keep writing it? Sorry for any spelling errors im typing this on my phone that doesnt have spellcheck)

[hippolotamus]

Tease Tidbit Tuesday/WIP Wednesday

Thanks for the Tuesday tags @elvensorceress @loserdiaz @spotsandsocks @hoodie-buck @weewootruck @wikiangela @giddyupbuck @daffi-990 @tizniz @diazsdimples Tagging you back for WIP Wednesday and looking forward to all your works 💖

So don't be mad, OK? I'm posting another snippet of this. (Under the cut because it got long) That being said, it's going to be the last one for a while until I finish some other stuff. Aaaand it's written in a POV I'm not sure I'm gonna keep. With that in mind... enjoy???? Also everybody who's into this thank James for forcingmaking me flesh out more details and @watchyourbuck for threatening me (with love ofc).

no pressure tagging (lmk if you want added or removed) @stereopticons @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @disasterbuckdiaz @theotherbuckley @apothecarose @barbiediaz @buckaroosheart @buddierights @chaosandwolves @eowon @fortheloveofbuddie @gayedmundodiaz @giddyupbuck @heartshapedvows @honestlydarkprincess @indestructibleheart @jesuisici33 @ladydorian05 @lemonzestywrites @monsterrae1 @spaceprincessem @statueinthestone @steadfastsaturnsrings @the-likesofus @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @thewolvesof1998 @vanillahigh00 @watchyourbuck @wildlife4life @your-catfish-friend @epicbuddieficrecs @rmd-writes @welcometololaland @lizzie-bennetdarcy and anyone else who wants to 😘

Shit. This moment calls for a lot of different emotions, but that one is the most prominent. The glaring neon sign at the forefront of her brain as she registers the second pink line that’s becoming increasingly blurry. 

She brings a hand to her mouth, covering a silent exclamation. She wouldn’t have to. It’s not like there’s anybody around to hear. Just the secondhand furniture, personal items moved from her Mom’s place, and a few decorative things she bought to make the apartment more cozy. 

She sinks to the bed still clutching the plastic stick tightly between her fingers. Something about sitting there feels almost like she’s breaking the laws of a sacred space. Normally that would be right up her alley. Poking at the edges of societal norms just to see what she could get away with. But right now, perched on the edge of the mattress with a positive pregnancy test feels wrong. Even if it is the same place it happened. The place where her and Eddie first stumbled into something more than friendship together after too many drinks at the bar one night. Where they woke up the next morning and muddled through Did we just… and We could do it again. Where they kept landing until they had the guts to admit it was fun, but not what either of them really wanted. Because they both missed their best friend and enjoying each other without the expectations of romance. 

Not to mention the Evan of it all. Shannon had seen it coming from a mile away. From the first week her and Eddie met him at the Brass Bell and kept managing to run into him as he settled into town. 

A few people, one or two of her girlfriends included, whispered about Eddie and Evan getting together so quickly after the “breakup”. Some, thinking they were being supportive, came to her bitching about how rotten the situation was and that she deserved better. How dare he leave her for someone he barely knows? Honestly, it gave her a great deal of satisfaction watching them go pale when she casually mentioned she not only didn’t mind, but had pushed Eddie towards him. 

It was already obvious that her and Eddie weren’t heading for anything serious. And, as his self proclaimed platonic soulmate who knows him better than he knows himself, she felt it was only a matter of time anyway. Why delay the inevitable?

She looks at the two lines again. How is she going to tell him? He’s the happiest she’s seen him in a long time. Maybe ever. Without question, he’s going to feel that overwhelming sense of loyalty and responsibility. The same fiercely protective instinct he has for Sophia and Adriana. Shannon can already see him devoting himself to this– Fuck, she can’t even think the word to herself. But he’ll throw himself into caring for her and break Evan’s heart. She can’t let him do that. Not when she doesn’t even know if she wants to move forward with everything. 

Shannon sits up a little taller, wiping away the remaining dampness from her eyes and cheeks, and makes a decision. She walks the test to the closest trash can, ties up the mostly empty bag, and drops it down the building’s garbage chute. 

When she returns to her apartment, she navigates to the last picture Eddie texted of him and Evan. They look… blissful. Content. He and Evan have their arms wrapped around each other while Evan presses a kiss to Eddie’s cheek. His skin is flushed and rosy, making him look almost bashful. 

She can’t tell him. It’s as simple as that. Eddie hasn’t said anything, but he doesn’t have to. She knows that look. He’s in love. Even though it’ll be ages until he allows himself to admit it and say the words out loud, that doesn’t make it any less true. 

There’s still time, she thinks. Time for her to get a checkup, to gather facts, to evaluate what she wants to do. Time to let Eddie be in love and hope he forgives her for not saying anything.

[spider-bren]

It has been a year since July 3rd when I watched IJ5 and came on this tumblr account to write Vollber and Boyd…I look back on these moments I shared, the friends I made. Some I don’t speak to anymore, some I still am in contact with. I guess I’m nostalgic. In April last year I was watching Narcos and obsessing over Mr Holbrook that still has me in a chokehold….

I want to thank everyone for still being here even if I have become inactive.

A lot has happened since July last year and a lot has happened since I started writing Vollber. I met this other Vollber writer from ao3 on here and…I didn’t expect to be where I am now. I didn’t think the Vollber brainrot would last so long honestly and I didn’t think it would mean what it means to me now. It’s more than just a ship now…it’s a bond that I formed with this person.

Because it became a way to express ourselves, our feelings. A way to truly reveal through fiction and explore different dynamics. It has become so much more than just a ship because I get to share it with my other half–my co-author who just completely understands me. It takes a lot for me to open up and especially be able to collaborate and co-write something that needs to flow and be cohesive. I found a companion that I can write with in a way that feels entirely natural. And that is special.

When Blue sent me that prompt to write sadistic Klaber and dm’ed me to ask if I wanted to collab, I never really knew why I said yes. I didn’t know Blue, I didn’t know if we would write well together. I didn’t know what she was like. I didn’t know how well we’d get along. I had no idea where this would lead. I had no idea that I would be as close to her as I am now. That I felt as soon as we started talking, it didn’t feel like we were strangers for a moment.

Our writing flowed so beautifully. We just understood each other. We were always thinking the same thing and I could break down my writing in a way I never could with anyone else. She thought we’d stop talking after finishing our fics, but I couldn’t stop talking to her. I couldn’t stop smiling whenever she sent a message. I got to know her. Truly let her in…

Over time, I realised that I treated her differently than my other friends. I found myself not able to pull myself away, not able to stop myself from letting her in and sharing parts of my life with her. I feel entirely comfortable bearing pieces of my soul with her…I found myself realizing that I cared about her more than I ever cared for anyone this way before.

I caught myself one day point blank just reading back the texts I sent her and understanding just how special she is to me. How I'd listen to her talk about anything, how her voice calms me, and how I feel like every moment we engage in conversation feels like a secret, private moment that just the two of us shared…

No one else knows what we shared, the things we called about late at night. And I suppose it was inevitable that I would fall for her…

I'd do anything to make her happy and I just want to know her and share in her life, for her to make a space for me in her life. Because she has carved out a place in my life that only she can fill. She nestled under my ribcage and I'd be damned if I ever let her leave. Truly, I would bathe in her presence and be content to stay by her side for the rest of my days.

From the moment we started talking I immediately felt the connection. Before I even saw her face I knew I'd like her. Because it didn't matter what she looked like…and then when I realised she was beautiful face to face as well…I fell for her intense gaze and perfect face. The way her voice moved me before I ever saw her body. Her voice settles into me, infiltrates all my senses and my entire being. I can't even explain how it affects me. Every tone and her voice in every instance mesmerises me.

The way she talks makes me eager to listen to her for hours. I would like to peel back the layers and kiss her brain, worship the matter that makes up her thoughts and dreams and desires. I would touch and tease over it. To love there, too. Underneath it all. Her skin. Her bones. Everything that she is.

The more we shared about our lives, the more I wanted to know her. Every little part. Every little thought. I am amazed how easy it is to delve into the depths of myself. And I want to continue knowing and loving every part of her as well…

Our conversations ebb and flow effortlessly. The respect and understanding we have of our individualism, boundaries, and space. How we seem to always be in sync even oceans apart. We feel each other across the distance. She is always somewhere with me. And when I fall asleep at night, I picture her in my arms. I am instantly calmed and soothed by her presence. Her existence stills my restless soul. I long to meet her one day, for her eyes to land on me. To inhabit the space she resides. To be near her…it's all I want.

She is my Blue. I named her. I know her. And she knows me.

Although we're not together, I am hers.

I never felt closer to another human being.

For me, I am taken.

I never shared these parts of myself with anyone but her.

But I want to share this piece with the world now….

I love her.

I hope she always remembers that.

Happy One (1) Year Anniversary to our Vollber fic! And happy one (1) year to knowing you @blueeyedcitadel ❤️

[zileans-big-cl0ck]

Hii, if ya feel up to it could you write some comforting headcanons for Yasuo and Talon? They need some good hugs but honestly what league champion doesn't

(if you feel like writing for others too go for it, I like to read anything you make)

✦–Comforting them headcanons.✦ (SFW)

✦Hurt/comfort, because they also deserve a hug. A lot of hugs. Every single one of them.

✧ prompt: ✧ hurt/comfort.

✧ champions: ✧ Talon, the Blade’s Shadow; Yasuo, the Unforgiven; Cassiopeia, the Serpent’s Embrace.

✧ reader: ✧ gender neutral.

✧ author’s note: ✧ oh, dear readers and anons, you don’t even know how appreciated I feel whenever you send me some positive energy or compliments, haha! Every time it’s so adorable, I couldn’t feel any better. Thank you for everythig, especially since english is not my first language, so. I basically have no idea what I am doing. Ah, but apart of this anecdote, the reader is really into self care, but I think it shouldn’t be a problem since we are doing a comforting post.

masterlist

✦Talon, the Blade’s Shadow.

He left his blade by the door, because he would never want you to see it in the comforting space of your home, begrimed with blood and disgustingly obscure.

He has lost his prey. His target fleed - he failed; he didn’t manage to complete the only merit of his life that he truly named his own, his passion and devotion, the thing he has been created to do.

If he fails in something so elementary, a thing fankled into his soul and his whole being, an aspect pierced into his heart, then what is his worth?

You spotted his inconvenient posture imidiately, sensing an unnatural twist in his mood, so used to his everyday harshness, enriched by a little bit of sweetness towards only your person. But this time he was different - apathetic with stilted aura of dullness around. Talon let himself tiredly slide on your shared bed, ignoring you just because of the guilt that has been oppressing his heart.

And you, instead of letting him perish alone, you offered him your silent comfort - just yourself by his side. You sat there, your head on his shoulder, gentle touch of your hand on his back, maybe even the tip of your fingers making little circles, massaging.

You asked him what happened, though for the most of the following time you remain quiet, relishing the moment, only you two as the centre of the universe.

But he still felt the enveloping sensation of the failed mission, a feeling he had never experienced before; he has dishonoured his sacred mission. Should he be allowed to feel comforted after a mistake so unforgivable? If he could, he would wear the disgrace as a punishment, visible and vociferous, so everyone would see his shamefull attempts to find comfort in someone else, unworthy of it and pathetic.

Talon was always a mysterious person, but you were like a stronghold for him - it wasn’t a long time until you heard these thoughts of his vocalized out loud, honest and brutal. He murmured them into your ear, while you listened silently, cherishing this sacred moment of his true, intimate self, the person behind the blade.

His thoughts seemed like a form of self-flagellation, noxious and malign. Something pitiful that made your eyes wet, little droplets settling on your eyelashes.

You couldn’t listen to him anymore, saying those denigrating and disgusting statements about himself. All it was untrue, made from the years of abandonment and loneliness, and you were positive to cure it.

But how many times more will you hear him saying that his name doesn’t matter? That as an assasin he is not a human being - he is just a blade that cuts efficiently, deeply and terminally.

“I couldn’t wish for a better person in my life than you, love.” You beggined with you voice brittle, like you were telling him a unconfronted secret. “There is nothing that could make me feel even slightly different. I love you the same amount, as you should love yourself.”

Your words were prosaic, menial. But these were honest promises of adoring him countlessly times, endlessly and for eons, until he comprehends the feelings you wanted him to nurse not only for you, but also himself.

And at some point Talon chuckled, though it wasn’t a sign of joy - it was depressing, unnatural. He tried assuring you that it wasn’t a problem big enough to enwrap you, his beloved one, in - but you could sense his poignant sadness running through his body, just like you could feel his pulsing heart or heavy breath.

You promised him to dedicate to him all of your time, just to assure Talon in his human ability to make mistakes, even so meaningful; to help with his low esteem, even if he firmly disagreed to have anything to do with the mythical term of the mentioned ’low esteem’.

You wrapped your hands around him, tigh and lovely, planning on imprisoning him in a cage made of adoration from someone, who could gave him the comfort he deserved.

Talon left his blade by the door as a symbol of rejection - he rejected the person beyond this place, the one who covered his face with a hood, exchanging him for a more relaxed one, the one made from flesh and honest feelings, the real ones, the right ones, and the absolutely normal ones.

✦Yasuo, the Unforgiven.

As we know, Yasuo escaped Ionia after the unfortunate tragedy that led him despair.

He was lost and longing for a company, though he stated out loud that he didn’t want anyone nerby - he was still too fragile, still in shock of the brutal act he allowed himself to do, bewildered, horrified by himself.

He didn’t want to hurt another human being again. He didn’t want to accompany yet another person, only to betray them nor to give up on them. Another loose would be too painful, too demolishing.

For them, of course. He thought he could handle all of this crushing on his mind.

But Yasuo wouldn’t survive seeing his acquaintance being betrayed by him, once again.

He wasn’t eager to befriend new people here, in Bilgewater; he didn’t seek anyone particular. You found him by yourself, and soon became his only comfort in those times, only way to drift his depressing thoughts away.

And even though it was admirable, your acts of desperate tries, as he considered you as the most valued person in his life, you knew he shouldn’t be feeling so much pain. It could broke even the toughest weilder. His nailed heart pulsing right in his chest was aching and trying to free itself every time Yasuo bestowed you with his deep, sad eyes.

He suffered in silence, though he claimed that you were the only cure for this desease that was gutting his body.

You could name this curse - it was guilt in its purest form. And you were determined to free Yasuo from it.

At some point, he must have opened himself before you, render a vivisection of himself, show you his insides and the putridity that has enveloped his heart and soul. Something you should despise, scream and shout at the sight of, bewildered and cheesed.

But instead of pushing him away as he expected, almost desired, instead of feeling overwhelmed by the emotions he had dropped on your shoulders, you hugged him tightly, the words of comfort pouring from your mouth.

”That wasn’t your fault.” ”You regret this, and you are not the same person you were back then.” ”That was an accident.” ”You are always there for me - let me be here for you now.”

So he declaimed the weight of the world like a poem. About his past and his brother, who has lose to his blade in the accident. You cried with him, mixing your own tears with his own, brushing his problems and concerns off.

You couldn’t even imagine how deeply was he hurt. But humans tend to crawl for the concept of empathetic co-suffering; it makes them feel understood and is crutial when it comes to comforting, therefore it was enough for him: getting the heavy burden off his own mind, sharing it to the world, admitting that he had commited something unforgivable.

You forgave him, though he has never hurted you. But any mercy given from a human being was a relief for Yasuo.

✦Cassiopeia, the Serpent’s Embrace.

Cassiopeia didn’t need your comfort. She despised it. It made her look pathetic and weak, even if she already looked miserable as half a serpent.

But she was a proud woman, a lover of many in her halcyon days of glory. Everyone longed for her and everyone needed her like an antidote for a deadly poison. It was a desire not in a lovely, romantic way, but in a frantic, melodramatic and amusing form of begging for sparing a life.

She manipulated the whole nation of pathetic Noxians into her hands, toyed with them on one of her palms, treating those little figures like ants, just simple pawns on the board that she created from her life. She would be considered infantile if anyone knew what a little mouse wanted to adhere to her, hug her scaled waist and tell her that… she deserved love.

Of course she did! You should have seen her when she was still human, not an abomination, just a twisted figure of her past self.

”No, I am not thinking like this of myself, little mouse. Do not approach me, we can bargain from a distance-”

She would admire your confidency with honesty, if only you weren’t so… clingy. Your hugged her in a devoted way that spoke without words - that you will always follow her as her dearest worshipper, even if she turned into something more fearsome than a half-snake. Even if she turned into a sculpture, you would attend her every day.

Cassiopeia indeed had to admit to herself, in her own convoluted way of a serpent, that your confession made her feel better. Like she had one person that was truly her admirer, not just another human she led on and wrapped around her claw, ready to allure and use. And that her little mouse was kind of adorable; more like a pet, but at least a faithful one.

It was a change of perspectives for her, a phenomenon that made her smile softly, her hand slidding from the top of your head to your back, where she pushed you closer, admiring and loving.

[fromtheasheslikeaphoenix]

All that ends will begin again

Short Frieren/Himmel self-indulgence because it's either no straight ship for me or pain - so since canon gives pain I give comfort

-

It had been a great many years.. but not since the start of a journey, or the start of war. A couple hundred years, maybe, maybe a few decades less.. A bit of time, for sure, since the end of an age - the era of Frieren, Fern, Stark and their adventures.

She’d known, of course she had, that what she gained she’d lose again. This time more so than before the loss was so.. graspable. She didn’t give up, not on her progress or forging bonds, but.. it wasn’t the same, as for every layer of defenses the interactions had stripped her of, the damage seemed to multiply.

By the time Frieren entered a town she hadn’t been to before, the tales of the hero party made up of her and Himmel, Heiter and Eisen weren’t forgotten, but.. estranged, myths with evidence fading every day.

And yes, even she was starting to notice the strain of time. With each new bond formed and lost, the space her first companions held in her dreams decreased to make way for Fern, Stark, Sein, Denken, all of them. It made her appreciate everyone’s appearances, however short, in her mind just a little more, a little different from before.. but it also opened her heart up to melancholic reminiscing, bittersweet and ever so gentle yet vile.

It was the strangest curse of all, she could have it all yet keep nothing somehow all at once, even spells were slipping her mind due to the sheer amount she’d gathered.

The disease of reminiscing caught her once again as she entered the town. Chatter, laughter, peace in the air washed over her as she headed for the center where her mind quieted at the sight of the statue kept in pristine condition.

Heiter, he’d been just sober enough for long enough to finish his statue. Eisen, ever stoic and unmoving was done first as he’d always been, hers.. well, the eyes were improvised as she’d fallen asleep partway in.. and there he was, sword in the air, smiling, so far gone in history yet young and present.

There was a pain in her chest, a loss of strength in her grip that made her drop the suitcase she was holding. This had started a while ago, honestly probably before they’d even reached “Heaven”.. but she’d still not learned what to do against it. Someone, she couldn’t recall their name, had told her one night that sometimes all you can do is let emotions drown you, until you arrive back at shore for long enough to breathe - and somehow life turned into a lot of that, the longer she remained as all else grew and crumbled in the knick of time.

„Oh my, are you alright? Here-“

Whatever noise had been trying to escape her stopped at once as her line of sight trailed and locked onto the person to her right. It all just stopped.

Light blue eyes, soft and kind. A smile so warm and welcoming. Hair that never troubled their owner, fluffy yet tame. The voice of true charm and kindness that she’d struggled to find again.

The stranger's pupils dilated, as if his subconscious recalled her but then the expression shifted to curiosity and concern, much too genuine at that.

„Is everything alright?“

Frieren felt the corner of her mouth lift, her head nod as warmth and peace enveloped her.

„It’s nothing. I was just thinking that really, all that ends will begin again..“

The stranger's head tilted to the side, yet he laughed a moment later.

„I’m not quite sure what you’re talking about, but I would like to hear all about it, if you allow me to.“

Frieren took a deep breath as she reached for her suitcase that he’d picked back up for her, letting her gaze wander over the ring Himmel had given her many human lifetimes ago that she had continued to wear stubbornly like a vow like it meant a thing. Then she smiled again.

„I would like to.

Maybe it is time for me to settle down for a few decades.“

„Mmmh.. I’m unsure if this town is big enough for two beauties at once.“

The stranger winked and for the first time in this specific circumstance Frieren couldn’t help but.. laugh.

„I’m Frieren. Who are you?“

„My parents named me Himmel, for my outstanding visual similarities to the hero.“

„It’s nice to meet you, Himmel.“

It truly was.

-

Basically a reincarnation starter, Himmel is most probably aware but wants to tease/test Frieren

Hope you enjoyed, I'm just currently brain deep into them and have to go somewhere with it.

[lisascorner]

omg omg omg another hc post?!?!?! in 2 days?!?!?! that's crazy

anyways here's the ninja and what tech they have!

nya

okay i think her battlestation would be like. slightly above average, but she most definitely uses linux since she's too annoyed by the mac price point and windows just didn't do it for her. BUT she has an iphone 13 in blue, duh

i don't think she'd have an ipad honestly...i feel like she just draws all her blueprints for the stuff she makes on paper then scans it because she likes the feeling on paper or sumn...

she probably only has wired earphones and trusts only wired earphones.

jay

jay has like three laptops all for different things and an ipad and a samsung tablet. no way he doesn't have allat to play games on their respective platforms frfr... (e.g. pjsk is region-locked and the japan and global versions of the game have some slight differences, so some people have to log out of their apple ids and change it to a jp one so that they can play the jp version. it was tedious, so jay just got 2 ipads.)

his iphone would be like the midnight blue 13 pro max or something. he'd probably have one of those stupid gaming phones too (he bought one off the market, found that it didn't run properly, and just made another one that actually worked himself. LMAO)

specifically has the apple wired earphones and airpods. i don't really think he's a headphone guy.

lloyd

the green ninja unfortunately does not have the option to buy a green macbook, so he settled with a space grey 13 inch air with the M1 chip and bought a green skin for it. 💀 fortunately, he could buy his phone in HIS green with the iphone 13 pro max once again!

he's not an ipad kid. he doesn't have one, and he doesn't need one. he might have a borgwatch though.

lloyd however IS a headphone boy and he wears sony XM4s like the elite he is. augh.

kai

latest iphone, latest mac, latest ipad, that has red options. nothing else needs to be said for this social media DIVA ❤️‍🔥

airpod pros for this boy. he has red headphones from beats by dre but uses it purely for aesthetic.

cole

the bare minimum. HOWEVER, his phone would be a galaxy S23 bc i said so. and he has nothing earbuds! don't be fooled by the non-apple name those are the same price as a base airpod model i think. yeah but cole mainly uses his phone to browse and listen to stuff, so he's alright. 🙏

zane

i don't really think i need to explain this

arin

he probably has one of those limited edition ninja x xiaomi collabs where there's a subtle design of lloyd's gi (like the armoured robes from s11) or something like that. this guy is too big a fanboy to not have purchased every single thing the ninja were remotely associated with.

he wears bose quietcomfort 45 headphones. HE'S JUST LIKE ME FR

sora

also kind of enough said?? iphone 10,000 or something. or at imperium's rate of technology advancement there won't even be phones anymore. but strictly speaking if we were to talk real world terms she'd probably have an oppo or a vivo (trust me some of these brands from china are ridiculously good and RIDICULOUSLY CHEAP so yeah)

wyldfyre

she would much rather lay in the grass and smell the air than look at a screen. but, in case of emergencies, she has a nokia indestructible.

riyu

he's the ipad kid. he's the one with the 2 terrabyte ipad pro 13 inch 2020 that stores all his shows or something.

OKAY THAT WILL BE ALL! thank you for your kind attention and i shall shrink back into my corner of the internet now

[canmom]

more baldur gate

I think I've gathered most of the party now. time to venture forth

we did find another warlock it turned out. they've got a spin on him as a kind of demon slaying folk hero, which is cute. what's weirder to me is when characters will just casually speak of game mechanical stuff like being a 'warlock'. like, oh yeah i made a pact with an eldritch entity beyond space and comprehension, but it's no biggie, you know? there's one in every neighbourhood. though that is something of the problem of Forgotten Realms, it's such a kitchen-sink setting that it's very hard to figure out any sort of coherent narrative thrust for any of it.

my character seems to be settling by default into the kind of default 'pragmatic, generally prosocial crpg hero' model. most of the other dialogue options just seem needlessly standoffish. they do have certain party members disapprove when you take plot hooks, but honestly that all feels a bit silly to take as a prodding to play a more selfish character because like. what do you want me to do, not engage with the game? occasionally you get to click a 'hey, look, I'm also from baldur's gate!' dialogue option, but it never adds up to much.

it's frustrating in a way, because this being so specifically D&D-based really calls attention to the difference between CRPGs and TTRPGs. at the tabletop, I can give my character a distinctive voice, motivation, general habitas - and other players can respond to that and react appropriately. of course, this is not possible in a CRPG to the same degree, except within the rails laid down by the game writers. since the main character is unvoiced and characters react to dialogue the instant you click it, she is even further diminished from the voiced characters.

something noticeable in this is that it has a similar line reading problem as a lot of Bioware RPGs. characters' lines will sometimes noticeably differ in how they're acted - intonation, force, etc. - and there's that ever-noticeable cut between individual lines of dialogue. it has the feeling that the lines were recorded separately in a studio without much in the way of context.

overall the NPC acting in this game is... well it's that classic modern AAA videogame problem right? the character models and rendering are very lifelike when they're still, but the way the characters move is a bit stiff, a bit broad, a bit unnatural. of course nobody has the money to individually hand-animate every single dialogue line in a CRPG of this sort of scale, so they're leaning on canned animations and procedural blending techniques, and it works sorta well enough. it's got that fuzz of videogame jank to it.

it looks like we're about to run into the Evil Races D&D Problem pretty soon, oh boy! the goblins are attacking the poor tiefling refugees. why? i'm sure it will be given a clear understandable motivation and not just that they're evil by nature, right? this is something that I'm pretty sure the game is inheriting from the OG Baldur's Gate games - I definitely remember venturing into a mine to fight gnolls or something. Minsc was there. I have no doubt Minsc will show up in BG3 as well - he's like the most iconic character in the series.

the contrived nature of the premise is classic D&D shit. "you all meet on a mind flayer spaceship, united by parasites in your brain" is definitely the sort of thing that a human DM would cook up as a campaign starting point. that said, it does feel a little weird that everyone on the mind flayer ship between them cover most of the player classes, each with their own colourful backstory and an identically sized tent that they can pitch in your mysterious extradimensional campsite. I think the fact that the introductions are spread out a bit makes it feel more artificial - I get why they didn't want to frontload it with every single character right at the beginning, but it's like, 'damn, this guy has a player character sort of vibe, i bet he was on the airship' and sure enough, he was...

(speaking of the immersion-breaking camp, the respec guy really seems kinda unnecessary as a diegetic element. just have a menu somewhere, trying to make this skeleton guy make narrative sense just raises way too many questions.)

but I mean I can't complain too much that a videogame is a videogame, right? as I recall, in BG1, the recruitable party members were just random adventurers who you'd run into here and there. this is more of a KotOR II-like scenario, where every character has a thing in common that pushes them together.

the Tactician difficulty level, combined with the squishiness of level 2 characters, is definitely pushing me a bit. I had a fight with some bandits. all of them had names and unique voices, interestingly - really applying the Apocalypse World principles. however they will not like, surrender or anything. don't ask me why I was fighting these people to the death, I don't think they did anything that really did any harm to my character, but I wanted to unlock the respec character and you have to get past them to do it. not that I knew that when I saw hostile characters.

anyway, it was a cool fight because it was a bit of party-vs-party - the enemies were using the same abilities I was, and using the environment to their advantage (read: blowing me up with exploding barrels, the nerve of it). Larian of course have their fancy fluid sim system from the Divinity series, which actually integrates rather well with certain D&D spells like Grease. there's a lot of potentially interesting tactical possibilities, although in the end, it came down to the familiar tactics of 'split them up', 'disable them with debuffs' and 'focus dps'. D&D combat is very swingy - once I took out a couple of that other party, the fight was pretty much decided, but when I'd taken a few downed party members, there wasn't really much reason not to just load the quicksave.

I decided to spec my 'lock as a bladelock - I'm playing a chainlock on tabletop so this seemed like a good way to mix it up. of course then it turned out that Wyll is also a bladelock, so he's probably not gonna get much time in the party ^^' but maybe I should bring him along and we can just be warlock buddies. that said... the 4-person party size is... I can see its necessity as a balancing measure, but it does feel like it pushes me towards the standard healer (shadowheart)/tank (lae'zel)/rogue (astarion)/me structure. since I need someone to unlock doors, I need someone to heal, and I need someone to stop the enemy beating up my poor squishy party members. but now I'm a bladelock, maybe I can take over from Lae'zel as the frontliner and free up a slot for one of the other guys. probably it's a big enough game that there will be room to mix and match parties over the course of it.

one thing I do kinda miss from Bioware's games is the intra-party dialogue triggers. the characters here mostly don't have random conversations, at least so far - maybe they will later in the game. that stuff did a whole lot to add life to your party members and make them feel more like characters.

honestly? this is making me want to go back to various isometric CRPGs like Tyranny. so far, despite spicy elements like the mindflayer thing, I'm not fully hooked by this story. but I will give this one a chance all the same.