#(except the last one bc. 10 pic limit)

[wyrmfedgrave]

Pics: Bert Terhune related notes.

1. Mary Virginia Haws, Bert's mom was a writer of novels, travelogues, memoirs, domestic manuals, etiquette booklets & cookbooks.

2. Cover of 1 of her house 'running' books.

3. Who doesn't recognize a Lassie poster? This being for 1 of her many movies.

4 & 5. Covers of some of Bert's many works.

6. At least 1 of Bert's short stories focused on the danger that spies & assassins posed to General George Washington.

7. Poster for the "Ogre" TV movie, with a great tagline!

8. Bust of Cleisthenes, the Father of Athenian democracy.

9. Bust of Alexander Pope, the English poet, translator & satirist on society & politics.

10. John Dryden painting, an earlier English poet, literary critic, translator, satirist & playwright.

Notes (on yesterday's post):

1. The Adventurers Club of NY was a private men's club founded in 1912 by one A. Hoffman.

Its main functions were monthly dinners & a weekly lunch.

Their main rule was that "No one talks about Fight Club!"

There's complete silence on most of their activities.

Yet, for a secretive group, they certainly went out of their way to announce their events.

First, they published The Adventurer, a monthly newsletter that ran until 1960!

Then they had a weekly radio show, the Gold Seat Associates, where club members spoke of the most exciting moment of their lives.

The Adventurers Club finally faded out during the 1970s.

2. Lassie is the star of an American TV series (1954 to 1973) & several movies.

'She' (actually male dogs were used!) is a smart & fearless collie living in a Virginia farm with her companions - human or otherwise.

Later in the show, Lassie worked with forest rangers - out in the wilderness!

There's also an animated series that brought Lassie's heroic acts into the 2000s.

Lassie's latest film came out in 2022...

3. Mary V. Haws wrote several novels set in the southern states before the Civil War, which began in 1861.

(But, this was actually only after many decades of rising tensions - mostly on the subject of slavery.

It only ended after 4 years & some 610,000+ deaths!!)

Haws completed her last book at the age of 88 - while she was quite blind!

4. Other books by Bert Terhune are: "World's Great Events", "Famous American Indians", "Wonder Woman in History", "Around the World in 30 Days" & "Superwomen."

5. Scribblers are people who write for hire or as a hobby. Usually, scribblers worked for newspapers & magazines.

It's just that readers don't actually like their articles!

6. The American Revolution lasted from 1775 to 1783. Its causes were British taxes, the Boston Massacre & the Intolerable Acts.

Only 45% of colonists supported this war - as it forced neighbors against each other!

In Ben Franklin's case, it permanently tore his family apart...

7. Don't know why Lovecraft equates the famous folk he mentioned with ogres - except for Bonaparte, maybe.

Ogres are hideous looking, human eating giants from fairy tales & folk- lore.

It's no better in slang, as it describes "a person who's monstrously ugly, cruel or barbarous."

(Shrek they are not!)

Ogre comes to us thru France. But, it's actually from Etruscan (ancient north Italian nation & language) "Orcus", God of the Dead & punisher of oath- breakers.

8. "Where freedom 1st arose..."

A. This would be ancient Athens, in Greece on 508 BC. That's when Cleisthenes 1st set up a democratic government there.

(But, Howard could be referring to the American Revolution again.)

B. In that case, Congress did approve in becoming independent on July 2nd, 1776, thru the Lee Resolution.

We now celebrate when our politicians started signing the official Declaration of Independence, on July the 4th.

But, it took some time before all of the congressmen actually did so...

England didn't really 'recognize' our victory until the Paris Treaty of 1783!

Even then, Britain tried to 'reacquire' its 13 colonies during the War of 1812...

9. HPL seemed aware of his writing limits.

His evoking of imagery & emotion rested upon his skill at following strict poetic structures & his own aesthetic taste.

Lovecraft thought it more important to be formally correct, rather than to be creatively interesting.

10. As to Howard's personal writing style, it's actually his own copying of the forms of A. Pope & J. Dryden.

Pope was 1 of the most prominent writers of the 1700s.

Dryden was the 1st Poet Laureate of England & is chiefly responsible for introducing heroic couplets & the triplet into English poetic structures...

END.

[staticevent]

based on a true (?) story; the gallery

[rouiyan]

hi! i hope you don’t mind me asking but i was wondering, how do you make your header pictures (ie. the ones on your collectives)? you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to!

have a nice day!<3

hey bubs 🤗 i don’t mind answering at all !! but it’ll have to be under the cut since i wanted to be as thorough as humanly possible** and thus it’s very long >3< apologies 😢

** i understand that you might not have the same devices and platforms as i do, so i’ll write out both what i did and also a web-based / free version !! hope this isn’t confusing </3

𝟎𝟏 — 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐏

i’m doing this tutorial (?) for specifically the headers on my collectives m.list so i wanted them to be all the same size. i used my in-app editor for my phone to crop them as so. the first set of images are of me doing so, the second is of a free website service that does about the same thing.

on the last pic, you’ll get to choose from different width to height ratios (width : height) and also whether it should be vertical or horizontal. if you’re doing more than one header of the same format then this comes in handy bc they’ll all come out the same size !! one drawback is that you don’t get much say in the exact size as you can only use the ratios they provide.

for the non-apple version, i just searched up “crop image” and clicked on the first thing that came up which happened to be iloveimg.com. it allowed me to directly change the size and position of the crop edge which was more freedom (?) than my prior method.

𝟎𝟐 — 𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐙𝐄 / 𝐉𝐏𝐆 -> 𝐏𝐍𝐆

now this step is only necessary since i wanted the transparent background (png format) for the words to float on. if you just want the words on the picture then to step three you go !! the first section of pictures is for procreate on the ipad which is what i personally use to edit, animate, draw etc. the second section uses autodesk sketchbook which is a free app and also what i used to use !! (they’re similar in function but i do think procreate is a good investment.)

so when you pull up a new canvas, keep in mind that it'll be the size of the whole image, like the transparent frame of it. my go-to is what i labeled "standard horz." which is 2400 x 1350 px.

in the transform tab at the top, you can change the dimensions of the picture by clicking any one of the blue border dots. and if you go into the snapping tab at the bottom, turning on snapping or magnetics allows you to position the image in the center (indicated by a yellow line when used). then, if you go to the layer managers near the top right, you can hide the background by unclicking the check box which turns the canvas into a png !! don’t save it just yet, bc you can do the last step on procreate as well (and that’ll keep the resolution pretty clear instead of importing from app to app).

autodesk is pretty straightforward as well. when you load up a new sketch, they only have certain presets for the device size you’re using it on. in this case, i just did it on my phone so the largest (and thus clearest) size i could get was 1109 x 2400 px. after you import the picture and position it where you want (there’s no centering tools that i’m aware of ??), hide the background + everything else except the image and save it into your photo library.

𝟎𝟑 — 𝐀𝐃𝐃 𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓

i get all my fonts from dafont.com which is a basically just a giant font archive. whether you’re adding text on procreate or the other app i’m mentioning below, obtaining the font is the same.

i took screenshots for this too but i’m closing in on my image limit 😭😭 so i’ll be as coherent as i can, word-wise. you can navigate dafont via the different categories at the top and when you want to use one, just press download (and then confirm if your device asks).

after you have the font downloaded to your device, go to the tool tab at the top of procreate and under “add,” there should be an “insert image.” the left pic should pop up and you just have to press the Aa edit text option at the left and then “import font.” after you edit it to your liking, save it by going back to the tool tab and under “share,” you’ll find where you can press PNG to save it with the transparent background !!

for the free version, the app i’m using is phonto which is every starting editor’s best friend tbh. to get your desired font from your files into the app, there’s a little 🔍 at the top after you download it on apple devices. if you don’t have apple, i think you just have to go to your files like in the second pic and share it into phonto. there’s usually different variations that come with one “pack” like italics and bolds so just install the ones you want when in phonto.

phonto has the lil camera at the bottom and after you press it, select “photo albums” to import the png from before. click anywhere and it’ll give the “Add text” option. you’ll find the ones you’ve downloaded and shared into phonto under “fonts” and then “my fonts” at the bottom. the text editor is pretty versatile so you can play around with the shadowing, alpha, curvature and whatnot. the share button’s on the bottom right when you’re done. just make sure to click “Save as PNG” or else you won’t get that transparency !!

anywho, here’s my lil end product. the one and only lee jeno. i’m sorry if the images were blurry, i had to combine multiple into one bc of the 10 image limit 🤬 but i do hope this was helpful lovely anon !! i’ve never done something like this even tho i spend 90% of the time i dedicate to writing to instead editing LMAO,, have a nice day yourself, thanks for stopping by 🤗💗

[villanelleskiss]

KILLING EVE SEASON 3 EPISODE 1 REVIEW

ok... so i’m going to address the elephant in the room before we get started.

this season obviously has it’s issues, the biggest one being that eve got curbed a lot here. she had a lot of potential for a lot of growth here, but we barely see any of it, which leaves a lot of her growth to possibly be half assed in season 4 ( which i hope is not true ). 

the writing overall is ok, as i understand that suzanne heathcote was left with a lot to try and figure out how to pick up. i think overall, she did a good job but it left a lot to still be desired and i do hope that season 4 will address this. 

so now, with getting that out of the way, let’s get on with the show

opening recap here is amazing, i’m sort of upset we didn’t get something like this for season 2. 

also we see young dasha here and i’m wondering if she killed that guy as a contract kill or if she was just a psychopath and the 12 recruited her from that kill. 

totally forgot that villanelle got married. 

here speech here is trying to let us know that she has gotten over eve, but she clearly hasn’t. this is all a gimmick for her to try and force herself to pretend she has. she also talks about Maria in a way that she is only looking at her for what she can give her, the clothes, the house, the pool, etc. not at who she is. 

i just really love this shot. 

so after that whole ballroom scene, they probably instantly got divorced. 

villanelle always looks so good after she’s just gotten beat up, idk what it is about her. 

she still doesn’t like when people use her real name, regardless of who they are to her. (except Eve) 

we see eve’s scar here, and i’m still a tiny bit upset that they didn’t mirror where their scars are. but that’s ok. 

somewhere in here we do see eve shopping at the market buying a lot of junk food ( i will pick back up on this in a few ) 

i love mirroring scene, one of my favorite parts of this episode. 

her room is such a mess, ( to pick back up at the junk food section ). she’s depressed, spiraling, learning how to deal with knowing she killed someone, knowing that she herself was almost killed after she saved that person, then was betrayed by them. 

villanelle just looks so good here and i love how we see tiny bits of her struggling with what she did to eve. she obviously regrets it. 

kenny!!! i love him. 

but let’s take a second to notice the bed pads to the right of him. i have made a post about this before analyzing this which i will link here. this girl is plagued by nightmares and she can’t even escape them in her dreams. i’m so sorry eve. you are the last person who this should’ve ever happened to. and i’m even more angry that the writers took this liberty to do it, bc it’s pretty bad when even the actors were angry about it. 

*not pictured* but we see a scene where villanelle kills again, just a shop keeper and she mirrors one of dasha’s kills, but as villanelle is walking out we get a shot of green screen that apparently the editors forgot to fix. i would put a pic of it here but tumblr has a shitty 10 photo limit on posts. 

rip Kenny. forever in our hearts. and this was absolutely unnecessary. 

this may be the weakest season openings, but i still enjoyed it. 

rating 6.5/10

[mxvladdy]

Talon Sugar Daddies

Heyyy yo! Was gunna post some stuff last night but then....ya now... *waves hands vaguely*  I just needed to lay down and eat some pancakes. But I’m better today. 

Heres something I made a while ago but never posted bc idk.

As usual Minors DNI and the nsfw is under the cut :*

Maximilien-SFW

Plucked off the streets and thrown into a land of opulence and grandeur, nothing makes Maximilien happier than introducing you to his world. He wants you cultured. 

School, paid for. Travels around the world, done. If he can’t go with you he wants a video call every evening. Operas, wine tastings, art exhibits, galas, balls, he’ll take you anywhere. He’ll dress you like the prized jewel you are for these occasions. Designer brands are the only thing he allows on your skin each tailored to match your shape perfectly. 

Knowing he is the only one allowed so much as to touch you is the biggest high. The jealous looks of his compatriots make him preen. Go ahead, give him a twirl! Make the others jealous of what they can never have. 

You don't have to ask for a thing from him. He just knows. If your gaze ever wanders to a store front during an evening out you can expect whatever it is by sun up. You also try to give him gifts too. But what could you give him he can’t get himself? It's endearing nonetheless.

Biggest pleasure for him is having you on his lap during his meetings, the solid warm weight of your body an odd comfort for the omnic. Especially with all he has to deal with.

Reaper-SFW

“Turn on the news baby I got you something.”

Reaper delights in providing only the best for you. Nothing is off limits if it gives him a chance to see you smile. To show that he can and will do anything for his baby. Your collection of stolen artifacts is starting to rival world renowned museums now. Jewelry, art, gemstones of exorbitant value all given to you with pride. Your gifted loft apartment is covered in stolen goods and high end electronics. He won’t take no for an answer when he brings out his gifts. But is touched by your concern for his well being, no matter how unneeded it was. 

You don’t get to see him physically often due to his “career path”. So video chat became your go to for communicating. He enjoys watching you through your laptop doing the most mundane things. Cooking, cleaning, painting your nails while telling him the latest gossip from your friends. It doesn’t matter, as long as it's you. 

Due to his infamy it’s sometimes hard to do things together but that doesn’t deter him. He’ll take you anywhere under the cover of night. Sneaking you into stores and venues after hours (with the help of Sombra of course) so you could both enjoy the quiet. Sometimes though you have to talk him down from pocketing things he sees you fawn over. 

A surprisingly huge movie buff. On days he’s around and you don’t want to go out he is more than happy to hold you close on the couch and watch movies. Though most of the time movie night divulge into him criticizing or sharing some interesting fact about the film instead of watching it.

Doomfist: Akande- SFW

Like Maximilien,  Akande desires perfection in his sugar baby. Your education and social standing are important to him. To him you are his magnum opus. Your schedule living under his roof is meticulous, not that you minded too much. He still gives you plenty of time to meet up with friends. As long as you remember the mornings and evenings were his.

He loves to wine and dine you, having you sample his favorite liquors and spirits with him at a restaurant of his choosing.  He compliments you on your apparel or taste in food every time he gets the chance. Keeping you flushed and blushing the entire evening. 

Once he thinks you are refined enough he plans to take you to every event he can showing off his taste in partners and encourages you to network. He one day hopes to have you join his little organization. When he trusts you enough he starts to groom you to become his protege for business off the field.

Vacations are a grand mix of business and pleasure. He enjoys spending time at high end boutiques finding things of both yours and his taste. You also have free rein to wander the sprawling city or countryside, soaking up the scenery as Akande takes care of business. Sometimes during these vacations you hardly see him. Not the planned outcome of the trip but these things happen, and he enjoys that you are happy regardless. If anything he makes time for you on the plane ride back, getting a little handys as you somehow manage to straddle his legs.

Maximilien-NSFW

He loves to watch you touch yourself. Sitting legs crossed in his overstuffed leather wingback watching you writhe before him, pretty little hole stuffed to the brim with your fingers or toy. 

Speaking of toys…

Out of all of his worldly possessions, his toy box is his favorite. Even for as large as his collection is he makes sure you are familiar with each and every piece of it. He is a strict daddy when it comes to sexual intimacy, many rules are in place for what you can and can’t do. Only good little ones who follow them all get to come. 

When you do come undone it’s only to be done bouncing on his lap with his favorite toy of the hour bringing you to nirvana, soaking his expensive three piece. Sweet praises rain down on you as you relax into his steel frame.

But gods help you if you’ve been naughty. 

Physical punishment is beneath him, he has no wish to damage his little treasure. No, there are other ways to get his point across though. He will ignore you, leave you touch starved for weeks on end in his penthouse. Alone with nothing but your thoughts, to reflect on your actions. All his gifts swept up from underneath you, your room bare except for the essentials. 

When he does come back you better have a good apology ready. 

Reaper- NSFW

Gabriel likes to take things slow, building up to the main event. He doesn't know the next time he'll see you, so why rush? He’s pretty kinky and will bring it out in the bedroom. Only if you are comfortable with it. He loves having you at his mercy.

Blinded, gagged and bound a top your bed he will savor you. Tongue tracing and finding every blemish and mark showing affection to the parts you are the most sensitive about. 

Eat you out like a champ, 10/10. He probably traded his tongue with the devil's if you’re honest. 

Edges you to the point of pain, till you’re crying through your gag. Just enough to get you thrashing body hungry for more. Finally after what seems like an eternity he’ll claim you, taking you rough and hard, hell bent on leaving a mark on you. Something to remember him by till next time.There is no way you’re moving tomorrow once he's done with you.

Be prepared to be pampered and coddled afterwards. He never wants you to forget how much you mean to him.

Even when he can't be around you he makes sure you know he wants you. You can always expect some devious gifts in the mail while he's away.

Phone sex with Gabe is an experience. That rough raspy voice moaning in your ear all the sinful things he wishes he could do right now. Listening to his guff pants of passion as he strokes himself to completion your name echoing in his dark room.

“Does daddy's gift feel good baby? Sí? But not as good as me right?” 

He has every picture you ever sent him saved for when the mood hits. Sometimes you are woken up by your phone binging loudly, a message from your daddy. He is the only man you have ever met that is somehow able to take tasteful dick pics. 

Punishment with Reaper can be scary but it takes a lot to get him to that point. He uses sex as a punishment thinking only of himself those times. Spankings and verbal degradation are staple in his arsenal. Though he would be lying if he thought he could stay mad at you for long. These sessions are savage but short, giving him plenty of time to see to you afterwards.

Doomfist: Akande-NSFW 

Oof. You’ll be walking funny for a few days that’s for sure especially if you rile him up. Nothing gets him going like showing off the latest lingerie fashions for him. Custom made for both of your pleasures. He’ll watch from a distance at first circling you like a predator, getting steadily closer each rotation. You can almost feel the heat of his gaze. Slowly and leisurely just to tease him you remove each article watching him watch you. Surprisingly gentle when he finally starts, kissing and tasting you after getting impatient with your little strip tease. Large hands remove what you haven’t gotten to yet carefully. 

Prep takes some time but damn if you don’t get off from it. His fingers and tongue alone get you going, lapping and sucking. Large fingers stretching you open, the burn only adding to your excitement. One large hand is all it takes to pick you up wrapped around your waist. You are his favorite little cock sleeve, and he tells you this regularly groaning at the tight feel of you around him. So wet and sloppy, the lewd noises of your hips meeting only punctuated periodically by loud gasps of pleasure. Watching you come undone under him and around him as he fills you is euphoric. 

Messing up is expected, to become perfection takes work. He won’t be too hard, you’ll just need extra lessons. A better teacher; a firmer hand, himself perhaps...

[sunshineysprinkles]

ok oop sorry for the awkward formatting, but!!! thank you for the ask, lovely! (assuming they’re for me ofc, but they were replied to my reblog and a follower so!!) hope you’re having a grand day and taking care of yourself! xx

2. favorite book(s)?

omg...you've done it. you've stumbled upon one of the things i can ramble abt for paragraphs upon paragraphs. i'm gonna control myself though and limit to 3 things...

1. the harry potter series. i have 0 respect for jk rowling left in me, but the world she created definitely always has a place in my heart and i remember reading them for the first time. i loved them so much i blew through them all in less than 2 weeks (my fav from the series are 4-6) 2. the percy jackson + heroes of olympus series. massive nostalgia trip for me !!!! and i'm p sure the first series where i read about an lgbtq+ chara. v cool concept, funny and relatable charas, 10/10. recommend the musical too 3. the secret history by donna tart. i actually read this one like last month and it renewed my love for books/reading. bc of this book i've finished 3 others since then. the plot is rlly interesting and different. her writing is phenomenal, i love the way she describes things and her metaphors. wish i could forget it to experience it all over again. francis abernathy is me idk

31. 3 random facts?

1. i play (more like dabble at) a few instruments! ukulele, piano, guitar, clarinet, and i took choir for over 8 years! 2. i rlly like to edit pics/videos, but they’re mainly fandom related or manips/aesthetics of ocs. with the exception of this which i’ll just leave here to show that graphic design is my passion,,,

3. i was published in a few literary journals for my schools, but in middle school the story that got published was...basically a supernatural knock off. practically supernatural fanfic about twin brother ocs tbfh HAHA

53. 5 MORE more things that make me happy?

reorganizing my bookshelf, clip clops of animals running when you call them, singing, asmr bc the community and creators (mostly) are wholesome af, and rlly pretty sunsets 

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

alpha/beta are carol/daryl foils: an analysis no one asked for; twd s10 spoilers, obviously

hoo boy. okay, so i’ve been intending to write this for days, but i had to let it marinate, and also i haven’t been sleeping and couldn’t concentrate long enough to write it down, but whatever, i digress. “we are the end of the world” was something, wasn’t it?? it is so weird to have a plotline in twd that’s like...good? and SO refreshing to have a villain who isn’t a macho, rapey, white dude. i personally believe that all showrunners should be women from now on. oh, i’m digressing again, my apologies.

here’s the actual content, under the cut bc it’s a fucking novel:

so, from alpha’s very first episode, when i saw her shaving her head, i literally thought, “oh, so she’s carol’s foil and they’re going to have an inevitable showdown, huh?” guess who was right? this bitch. but what i didn’t catch right away was how beta is also daryl’s foil, and how the main focus of this season is alpha/beta vs carol/daryl.

let’s take it apart individually first, yeah?

carol vs. alpha:

like i said, the scene that made me instantly aware of what they were setting up was when alpha shaved her head. carol’s hair was a big thing in season 9, and the fact that we had just had henry talking about carol growing her hair out long, juxtaposed with alpha shaving hers off, is what set the alarm bells off for me. i have said over and over that i don’t believe kang does anything unintentionally, and girl loves her symbolism, so those two opposing scenes was a taste of what she was setting up.

carol and alpha are both near-indestructible forces who also happen to be mother’s suffering the loss of their children at the hand of the other. (carol isn’t directly responsible for lydia, but she’s included with “the others” that took lydia from alpha, so i think alpha still sees her as part of it.)

carol and alpha both have transformed themselves to fit within the confines of the world they currently live in, while recognizing that their children weren’t meant for it, even within their own grief. let us refer to figures a and b (lol) below.

figure a:

here in “the grove” we have creepy girl who i hate and am terrified of asking carol if sophia died because she was weak, and carol straight up is like, “yes.” she doesn’t even sugarcoat it. she accepted that her daughter wasn’t going to survive from the jump, because “there wasn’t a mean bone in her body.”

figure b:

here we see alpha losing her goddamn shit, because she’s having a come-to-jesus moment with beta about losing lydia, because she can’t have lydia and be the alpha at the same time, because lydia “is not like” her. 

conclusion: carol and alpha both mourn for their daughters, but have accepted that to be the people they need to be in the apocalypse, their children needed to die (or in lydia’s case, be dead metaphorically). in short, carol and alpha are two sides of the same coin. they’ve both found ways to survive, except one is for the good guys, and the other is for the bad guys, and now they’re head-to-head, and it is d e l i c i o u s.

moving on.

daryl vs beta:

idk why the parallels didn’t occur to me when they had daryl fighting beta. i blame henry, he was distracting me by being a delightful idiot (rip my dumb bitch), but that seed was planted in season 9, too. go kang for continuity. who knew twd could do that? anyway.

the big thing that compares daryl and beta is who they were before they found carol and alpha respectively. we obviously don’t know a whole lot of details about beta’s life, but we have enough to extrapolate and compare, and extrapolate and compare we shall.

alright, so we got our favorite lovable, filthy redneck, who grew up abused and isolated, and then here comes the apocalypse, and the only person he has left is his brother, and that’s what defines him until he loses him, both when rick chained him to a roof, and then again, after a brief relapse, when merle sacrificed himself. 

next we have beta, who again, our info is limited, but he does not become “beta” until after whoever that walker alpha puts down is gone. judging by the size, approximate age, and the closeness beta had to him, i’m betting on, you guessed it, his brother. 

observe:

figure a:

figure b:

these are both turning points for these men, where they Fully Become the dudes that we know. daryl couldn’t be the daryl we know and love until merle was gone for good, and whatever his actual name is couldn’t become beta until smiley face shirt guy was smooshed. 

(side note: how fucking rank does that t-shirt have to be by now? at least the mask dries out, but do you think that t-shirt is just like, melded into beta’s skin at this point? gross.)

so time for the fun part.

alpha/beta and caryl in season 10:

season 10 finds both duos in similar circumstances, by which i mean, alpha and carol are losing their minds, and beta and daryl are like, “uhhhh, you ok?” the men are these women’s confidants, their person, the one they trust and love above all others. carol saved daryl and brought him into a community, and alpha did the same thing with beta. you want more visual aides? well, sure thing, scout!

figure a:

we’re carylers, we already know carol’s the reason daryl has the confidence and self-esteem to become part of the group, but juxtapose this with the following pic, which i will label

figure b (again):

and you will see that alpha sees something in beta that no one else does. she sees this lonely, talented man, who’s adrift and in solitude, and she essentially calls dibs. sound familiar? inorite?

so daryl and beta are now loyal to a fault to their women, and this season already has them being wary of how they’re acting. yes, i have more pictures. i like taking screenshots, okay?

figure a:

one of the first scenes we get with caryl is daryl asking carol if she’s still thinking about alpha, and if she is Dwelling, which is interesting, because...

figure b:

...that’s exactly the same thing we get with alpha and beta. the first scene in “we are the end of the world” with the two of them in present day is him questioning her motives, and then later on he’s like, “fuck, are you Dwelling?” 

and both women immediately are like:

and neither dude knows wtf to do about this, because they’re used to the women being the strong ones. carol’s whole, “you’ve got to feel it, but not me, i’m good repressing, conceal don’t feel” thing, mixed with alpha’s, “we’re living like the dead and the dead don’t feel emotions so obviously I Am Fine” motto is what their boys are used to, but suddenly carol is hallucinating dead children, and alpha is making shrines, and our poor dudes are like, “plz stop???” esp bc they know these women are FUCKING TERRIFYING, and should never be left to their own devices if they’re being crazy crackers.

ergo, both men are clinging to the hope that they can bring the women back from the brink. my last visual aides, yes i know, how sad:

figure a:

figure b:

both scenes have these dudes reaching out to their women and essentially expressing, in their own way, “i’m worried about you, can you plz stay within eyesight at all times, ilu,” bc neither daryl nor beta is equipped to have a nice long sit down conversation about feelings, and obviously carol and alpha wouldn’t bother to entertain it in the first place, so like  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. they tried. 

will it work? unlikely! because after that showdown at the end of both eps 1 and 2, these bitches ain’t about to stop for nothing. they just straight up made enemies for life, and they’re going straight harry potter with this shit, neither can live while the other survives, someone has to die, and while beta and daryl are not super on board with this whole “being bonkers and bent on revenge” thing, you better bet your ass that they’re going to make sure their woman is the winner, which means they automatically are paired up against one another as well.

so in a nutshell: we could have just stuck goatees on mmb and norman reedus, cast them as alpha and beta, and called them mirror!verse caryl (star trek reference, yay/nay?), because they’re mother fucking foils setting up for the mother fucking fight of the century, and oh my god, can you feel it in your bones how exciting it is that it’s not going to be a rick + negan dick measuring contest again? i am So Hype.

and ofc, as a hardcore caryl shipper, i obviously have to throw in that alpha and beta are totally in love (which is esp fun, bc whisperers aren’t supposed to feel love, uh oh, vulcan violation, yes i made another star trek reference, bite me), and if they are paralleling caryl, well...extrapolate from the evidence.

i love kang, you guys. i love how she tells a story. i love that she knows how to tell a story. this show is good again, and idk how she did it, but damnit, she did.

thus endeth my pointless critical analysis. forgive me. i was an english major and have absolutely no other use for my degree.

i’m ashamed too. 

that’s all. tomorrow is the early release of the caryl episode, i mean the new episode. looking forward to dying a valiant death with the lot of you. until then, friends.

deuces,

-diz

addendum: i was editing this, and was trying to think if there’s a parallel to the bracelet scene, and the only thing i could think of that alpha gives beta is his mask. she encourages him to take the face of his brother(?), and that keeps him grounded, which is interesting, bc my prediction for the bracelet is that it’s going to end up being a grounding device for carol when she’s dissociating. i don’t have a solid conclusion drawn there, but i thought i’d mention it before posting, just to plant the seed. 

k, done 4 real, bye

[chrsitophwaltz]

MICKEY MEETS FC BAYERN (PART 3/4)

for the entire houston clownery experience click here

psa: excuse my face and the pic qualities. up until this happened i haven’t really taken pictures of myself (less than 10 in the past two years for family and work purposes and NEVER selfies) and when you meet people you’ve only seen on TV in a very unexpected circumstance, then don’t expect your brain and motor functions to work 100%.

just an addition that i forgot to add in the last two parts: i didn’t get his pic or anything, but seeing Witch Doctor™ müller-wohlfahrt in person was insane. if you watch netflix’s dark season 2, and see 1986 ulrich nielsen, THAT’S WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE SDHBMFSDMNBFNMB

anyway, so i uber-ed to the mall. thank god it was only 5 minutes or so away from the hotel since i was really desperate to get a wristband for adidas. the t-mobile meet with josh and sven didn’t require wristbands, but there was gonna be a line and time’s limited and they might (and they did) cut it off at some point. thankfully, the mall just opened (ish) and i got wristband #53 for adidas. score! i also confirmed thrice with the guy that as long as i have the wristband i can get in. nice!

after getting the wristband, i went up to get in line for t-mobile. thankfully, i was within the first 5 or so people so i can do both meet-and-greets!

multi-tasking! you love to hear it!

i met up with @simplyirenic​ and a guy named nick who we met at the hotel reception a few days before and chatted to pass the time. finally it was around 1:30 to 2pm and the mall was packed with bayern fans. it was sad to see people, especially little kids, trying to line up for adidas but had to be turned away since the wristbands ran out already.

after a few line games and waves with the t-mobile people, we finally got inside the store to start the meet. while i was waiting my turn and praying that my phone doesn’t die (i only had 8% battery life left at that point), i saw richie (one of bayern’s media guys) and some guy named greg (thought he was with bayern at first, but now i’m not sure) and told them my ulterior motive for the t-mobile thing. they understood and saw that i was about to pass out from fear and anxiety and told me they’d include the footage in the final video. they weren’t kidding sbfdsnmfbmfbdsmfdb (got a gif of it here)

so. it was finally my turn and sven hasn’t looked up yet since he was signing more cards and chatting with josh. i creeped up behind them and said “hallo!” josh was so cute and perky and said “hallo!” back. sven looked like he didn’t recognize me (thank god) but i just couldn’t let it pass so as we were having our pics taken, i put my hand on his back and mumbled (while trying to smile for the cameras): “hey, i don’t know if you remembered in the hotel earlier, but i’m really sorry. i meant to take a picture with you AND leon. sorry!” i don’t know if he remembered it at all or was just being nice, but all the same he said “no, it’s okay!”

i didn’t care. BLESS HIM! my day is saved! so we said cheese one last time before i left.

extra notes: i also wanted to tell him that his red card was BS but didn;t have time for that lmao. also josh is such an angel and his hair was so fluffy and blonde i wanted to die ;__;

i said goodbye to richie and greg and waited for nick (he also had a wristband) and we went down to get in line for adidas. while lined up i met more bayern fans (hello @zomgannalolz​​ and @alex-bregman​​!). fangirled with them for a bit (and showed them my niko ass videos from the night before sdjnhdnfbdn) and finally we were in! from afar, i could only see manu bc he was standing up (benji and thomas were sitting down) and he was wearing his bright watermelon keeper kit. finally my turn came and said hi to benji again. he signed my shirt (again; he already signed it at the hotel reception) and we took pics (again). SERVUS BENJI!

next up was manu (again)!

me: hi manu, it’s me again

manu: oh hello! the hotel right?

me: *dying that he recognized me and thinking about that near-knockout experience* yessssss

he signed my shirt (again lmao) and we posed for pics. he was so. freaking. tall. i put my arm around him and half my brain was floating and making observations:

1. wrow. he tall. as h e l l.

2. the keeper jersey has a different feel than the normal outfield player jersey. hmmm (scratchier and more... cellophane-y....?)

3. my face is literally pressed up against his right boob. n o i c e

4. my left arm is around his waist. i can feel nice ridges. holy shit. SI D E A BS !!!!!! *scream*

yeah, it was an out-of-body-experience. i also nearly forgot to take his autograph card but he subtly inserted it into my hand as i was leaving. I LUFF U MANU!!!!

it’s probably poetic that my meet-and-greet ended with thomas. he’s my favorite player and i have his jersey. first time he signed it it only had 4 other signatures (at the hotel reception), and the second time was earlier that day at the hotel (with him eating a huge ass banana). i came up to him and he was like “hey!” HE RECOGNIZED ME I JUST----

anyway, i tried to keep it cool and said “yeah it’s me again from the hotel lmao” and he was like “so do you want a third signature?” (he saw he already had two sigs in the jersey). i didn’t care and said “if you want to! i don’t mind!”he reviewed it and quietly said “wow” when he saw my almost-full bayern haul (my jersey was full of autographs by then) and said “let’s just put it up, yes?”

he wanted to put up my müller jersey! thomas freakin’ müller himself wanted to show my jersey! tbh it was a great idea lmao so i said “cool! okay!”

i was literally the happiest binch in the world!!!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!! keep deuter-ing that raum, Raumdeuter!!!!!!!

in the end, with the exception of david (i’m sad, i really wanted pics with alabae), phonzie (saw him a couple times, but never got to him), renato (i always miss him for some reason!!!!), and c*man (i don’t really want anything from him anyway, except maybe goals, so doesn’t really count lmao), plus the other bayern kids, i got everyone!!!!!!

BEST. DAY. EVER. from despairing literally just the night before about wasting my one day extension, to unexpectedly getting more than i bargained for-- the ULTIMATE mega fan experience-- it was just insane. they’re all really nice and accommodating too! that’s how i know i support the best club ever (even if they’re such clowns sometimes but oh well lmao)

now, one last part to go. the actual best (and WORST) part of everything. if you’ve followed me for more than an hour then i don’t need to explain to you just how much i needed to get just ONE CRUMB of niko fucking kovac. and boy oh boy did i get a lil bit more than that......👀

[lifeofalaurie]

my uwc story

i remember reading through uwc blogs when i had just found out about uwc and when i was applying and going through all those months of WAITING for the next step...and they were so helpful. im so glad these exist

i first found out uwc through my brother’s friend, who actually went to UWC atlantic college (where im headed!!!!) a few years back. it was one ordinary saturday afternoon (idk if it was actually saturday but that sounds right) and we were carpooling with said friend (usually i dont participate in these but i happened to be in the car that day) and we were talking about next year and whatever and she just kinda said that she wasn’t going to be back next year bc she was going to this ‘abroad’ program. i didnt even really think about it that much. i in fact forgot about it after that...apparently my dad did not.

so my dad would talk about it here and there but i was NOT INTERESTED for that whole year..then...i started researching a bit myself and thought oh this sounds kind of cool. i still didn't really get what UWC even was or if was even a legit thing. it just sounded like another boarding school (a huge NO for me). then i saw that there was a such thing as a “short program” (or maybe someone actually told me about it) and i decided to apply for the one at the USA campus in New Mexico. i remember writing the essays over winter break and thinking they were pretty terrible (there was also a skype interview involved and that was rough) so i was pretty shocked when i found out i had gotten in but it worked out well bc my fam was going to arizona anyway a week before that so i just flew to new mexico myself after that (i say that casually but we had to cancel tickets and get new ones so that i could go to new mexico instead of home PLUS i had to fly for myself for the first time and i was pretty confused). (also, the program is called global leadership forum or GLF)

after hermit’s peak hike (ALL UPHILL FOR A SOLID 4-5 HOURS) i think it was like 8 miles IDK. view was so nice though 10/10

GLF turned out to be an amazing experience and really solidified my trust in UWC and confirmed to me that it was indeed a real thing. i really loved how much we did in those 2 and half weeks or so - camping, hiking, interacting w wolves, having important discussions - and it really pushed me to decide to apply to UWC for real. maybe ill talk more about it in another post!!!!

ok so coming home i did even more research and really really started liking UWC and decided that i might as well try to apply. i knew they never had a certain ‘criteria’ for students but i also knew it was a long and stressful process and involved really digging deep so i really didn’t think much of it (didn’t think i really had a chance) after submitting my written application. and then began the long waiting game...

here’s a nice picture of the sky @ a wolf reservation! just wanted to add a nice pic 

i never joined any of those fb groups or college confidential things for applicants and good thing bc looking at some of them now stress me out so i wouldve probably been even more stressed if i had been involved in that. also i didnt even know they existed until later so thats also probably why.

anyway i had totally forgotten about UWC (more like i was sure they’d forgotten about me or there had been something wrong like my application wasn’t submitted or something) bc i didnt hear back until the end of november (i submitted the application early october). but finding out i was a semifinalist was kind of traumatic bc in my GLF snapchat group one of my friends (who’s going to Pearson this year!!!) said he’d moved on to the next stage and i hadn’t GOTTEN ANY EMAIL. i think i just accepted it that that was the end. but then a few hours passed when i finally decided to check a different email and, alas, there it was. so a few days later, i got an email from my interviewer when we should do our skype interview and it turned out to be the same day i was taking the ACT. good

the interview turned out to be completely ok and actually really great (enjoyable even!!?). if youre at that stage, seriously the best advice i have is to just chill and be honest when youre answering. also, make it more like a conversation rather than the interviewers (yes there are prob going to be more than 1 but i assure u its ok) asking u questions back and forth. think of it as a conversation- that helped me so much to relax. the interviewers just wants to talk to you and find out what kind of person you are and if youre the same one that wrote all those deep meaningful essays from the written application - so if you were honest from the start youll be completely fine...if not, well..sry

after that, school and extracurriculars and life really went up for me and i just forgot about UWC again. i never really told any of my friends about it or anyone except for my parents. i kind of wanted it to be a personal thing- get in or not in the end.

after a really good last day of school before winter break, i went to the town library (lol) and checked my phone and therE IT WAS. I WAS A FINALIST WHICH MEANT I WOULD BE GOING TO THE UWC USA CAMPUS FOR FINALIST WEEKEND. did not know what to expect

waiting for finalist weekend felt looooong

but it came

i flew there myself AND IT WASNT EVEN DIRECT and i remember feeling so independent and proud for making it. it turned out i was one of the later ones and in the last group to be bussed over (but i met a friend on the bus who i still talk to here and there who is going to RBC this yr!!). we were so late we missed the initial meeting and first night of activities and just went straight to the hotel. at the hotel i saw my interviewer and she gave me a hug (<3) and that helped calm me down and it was also really nice to see her in person bc i remember really liking her during our skype interview. then finalist weekend happened. and im pretty sure im not supposed to expose the process so all i can say was that it was actually so genuinely fun and a real good time 

UWC USA <3 

at the end we all exchanged social media and fb and all that and started a messenger group chat -- as nice as it was to be able to connect to everyone, i think it really stressed everyone out. they told us that results would come out early that week (FALSE). THAT WEEK AFTER FINALIST WEEKEND WAS THE MOST STRESSFUL THING EVER. IT TOOK YEARS FOR IT TO GO BY. i remember constantly checking my email between classes and everyone in the group chat wondering if anyone had heard. then on wed night, we all got an email that said the results would be notified by friday instead. the worst

i remember that friday evening i was packing for my first hackathon (it was fun) and thinking the call wouldnt come until later that night. people were freaking out all over the group chat. then, as i was scrambling packing my sweatpants into my bag, the home phone started ringing and i ran..RAN TO THE PHONE. it said my interviewer’s name on the caller ID and i was like OK THIS I S REAL. and i picked it up and it turned out i was too late so i frantically called back probably 10 times on multiple different phones (my efforts did not work). but then, i got a call to the home phone again and it was her so i picked up RIGHT AWAY and when she told me... i kid you not that i screamed and ran around my house a few times. so thats it. it was kind of a really long and sstressful process for sure, but SOO WORTH IT. i definitely learned a lot just from that process bc it makes you think and reflect a lot all throughout. weeee

if youre even thinking about applying please GO FOR IT (well as long as ur in the right age limit, 16-18.... and also make sure you’ve done some research to get a feel for it).. but just DO IT. and u can ask me questions if u want and ill answer to the best of my personal ability (but remember that im just one person and one experience and each person’s experience is completely different)

here is the general website btw:

https://www.uwc.org/

i will probably do another post to explain UWC - at least in my own words and perspective!

<3 <3 <3

[nedmallory]

Weird question but do you recommend a chrome book for like studying and work like that bc I’ve heard they can be slow

Hey, not weird at all! I just got mine mid March, but I haven’t noticed it being slow at all! My laptop completely died on me during midterm season and I had a ton of papers and online exams to do, so my plan was to just use this in the meantime and return it to best buy as soon as my work was done and then I could buy an actual laptop. I obviously decided to keep it. I would recommend using a Chromebook for schooling, but only if it’s not going to be your primary device at home like it is mine (if you spend a ton of time on it, anyway)

First off, before I go into pros and cons (no false sense of hope here… under the cut I’ll tell you everything I love about it and everything I hate or get annoyed at), I should mention I’m using the Samsung Chromebook Plus 

All in all, I LOVE my chromebook. It’s got its flaws, but most of them have easy fixes. I hope this full length article helps you decide what to do! If your main concern is getting you through school/work, I say go for it! 

8/10 would recommend! I’d love to say 10/10, but there are enough flaws that I can’t in good conscience tell you to go get yourself a chromebook knowing it does some real stupid stuff.

Pros:

lightweight - seriously, I spent all day on campus carrying my Dell around in my bookbag and I’ve never been one to have back problems but carrying it around all day hurt. Sometimes I’d literally just abandon my bookbag (with my laptop in it) in the hall in one of the academic buildings while I went to find something to eat all the way across campus. Like, seriously. According to google the UCF campus is 1415 acres. I don’t even feel weight from my Chromebook while I’m walking campus with it in my bag.

Convenience - It’s essentially half laptop, half tablet. You’re getting the best of both worlds. Google play store (so you can play games and use the device as an e-reader) but you also get the internet at full capacity rather than the dullness of a mobile browser.

Stylus apps - This stylus was a lifesaver for me last semester. I had college algebra last semester, and with math I’m always wasting a ton of paper, so I bought a whiteboard I could carry around with me but it took up too much space at the desks in classrooms. With a Chromebook, Google Keep (note taking app) is built in. when I didn’t feel like wasting space (and dropping my calculator, pen, eraser, markers, board) I could just pull up my stylus apps on half my screen and my math modules on the other half.

Also, have you seen my newer editing attempts? Working with just my finger on this device was already pretty good, compared to on my phone. But using the stylus helped me to get a clearer view of everything I was erasing and more wiggle control

Quick boot up time - In the manual, it claims that the chromebook boots up in 10 seconds. I’ve found that it takes about half that time to start up

2 in one - it does have 360 mode, so you don’t have to use it as a laptop all the time. In tablet mode, you get all the essential uses you get in laptop mode (except the ability to split the screen) plus you can use emojis on the touchscreen keyboard that pops up

Apple Music - On my samsung tablet, I can’t access apple music (the app shows up, but I can’t download it). On chromebook, I can. No itunes though, which is a bummer, but I don’t really need it.

Easy streaming - Watching Netflix/Hulu is such a breeze. I haven’t experienced any buffering issues like i constantly did with my last laptop

Amazing touchscreen - With my Dell laptop (which, again, gave out on me) my touch screen often had meltdowns or prevented my touchpad from working. Seeing as how Samsung has essential experience in touchscreen development, I’m not shocked that I’ve never had an issue with this touchscreen

Have trouble remembering urls? no more - Built into the computer, you have what appear to be google (and other brand) apps, but they’re actually shortcuts that take you directly to their respectful websites. Google drive (which is also built in through the files app), Lookout, Google Maps, Weather Channel, etc. I don’t use them, but it’s such a great gesture.

Memory - I use a lot of space and I haven’t even begun to run out yet! There’s also a slot for external memory (an SD card like what you’d insert into your phone something I wish Apple would do instead of making me pay for more storage every month. Unfortunately for me, this doesn’t work for apps. It’s only so that you have another storage method for your files. After my previous laptop died I lost all my running club pics, so with this chromebook, I have the option to just go ahead and save them directly to my SD card so that doesn’t happen again. It’s kind of like using a flash drive for safe keeping except, ya know, it’s not a flash drive replacement.

It’s made to fit YOU - If you don’t want someone to get into your files, they can’t. You sign in with your google account, but you CAN create additional user accounts (which includes a guest account)

Resetting the computer is easy! - You can’t go wrong. Your options are

restore default settings

COMPLETELY wipe the computer of all info (the option you’d choose if you wanted the get rid of the computer, so it’s essentially… factory reset)

Virus control - While there’s no harm in buying yourself an antivirus program, you don’t necessarily need it with Chromebook because google’s actively fighting off viruses for you. I started out using antivirus programs before I realized I didn’t need it. I haven’t had any issues at all with the security of my computer, with or without any kind of protection

Cons

Limited keys - You have to make sure you remember key combinations to perform certain tasks. For example, at first I thought I couldn’t get caps lock on this computer. To do that, it’s alt+search key. scroll to the top of the page? alt+ctrl+up arrow. screenshot in laptop mode? still can’t remember which symbol matches up with that one.

Ctrl Alt…. What? - You don’t have control alt delete anymore. The task manager apparently can only be accessed through settings, which if your chromebook freaks out on you either wait for it to settle down or shut it down are your only two options. Which brings us to con #3.

Freaking out - Lately I’ve been noticing that if I have too many apps open at once, my chromebook will stop funtioning properly for a couple minutes and it’ll do one of two things

shut all my apps down without warning

system reboot

Google Print - It wants to hijack your printer, but I refuse to give google access to store info from my printer. I have my Canon hooked up to my chromebook, but I won’t allow google access to it. They’re basically asking to save the info of everything you print to their servers and your printer will only be available for devices you allow access to your google print account (can’t be set up from chromebook anyway).

USB C ports - Okay admittedly I do like these ports, It serves as the charging port, so you can charge the computer on either side. You can also use it as a normal USB port so long as you find devices with the usb c tip BUT this means you need to buy an adapter if you want to use HDMI or a flash drive/other devices that use usb 2.0/3.0 ports

Speaker location - They’re on the bottom, so as long as you’re not covering them up, your audio should be pretty decent

Google Chrome - What I LOVED about using Chrome on actual laptops was that you could have several different user profiles under the same google email on your browser. I had 2. One for my personal multi fandom tumblr, and the other for my marrish tumblr accounts. That way I could just switch windows to change tumblr accounts. You can’t do that on Chromebook. You’d need to create different accounts for your log in screen… which… is it really worth creating new emails? (says the girl who creates a new email everytime she wants to get a new free trial) Now my only option is to use 3 different devices for different tumblr accounts (I just created a choices safe main blog so I can actually find choices posts without doing a ton of searching, so I need an extra layer now)

Microsoft Office/One Drive - Who’s that? We don’t like her apparently. Seriously. You can’t have microsoft office, because all downloads come from the play store. If you like the mobile version of Word, congrats! This system is a winner for you! If not, you can always use the online version on Outlook’s website if you use that. Don’t even THINK about trying to download the one drive app. Seriously, it doesn’t work on Chromebook. I’ve been trying to sign into it since I first bought this laptop. Only when I looked at the horrible reviews last week did I realize I’d NEVER be able to log into the app.

Also streaming - There’s this god awful sound that sometimes plays when streaming on the CBS website. It usually isn’t there, but I gave up on watching SWAT (sorry shemar and criminal minds, I still love you) because I never know if this’ll be the moment when that screeching will begin. It only happens on the CBS website though (while it’s hooked up to my tv)

Ooh speaking of hooking up to my tv - HDMI sucks. that’s all. I hate the border that surrounds the chromebook’s visual. And if you’re watching videos that already aren’t full screen? Good luck streaming comfortably.

Digital Textbook app used for UCF - Okay so we use Yuzu for digital textbooks at my uni and I can’t figure out how to get the app to let me in. Pretty sure that’s the app’s fault though. You have to sign in through a mobile browser to use the app, but the chromebook uses a full capacity desktop browser so I CANT log into the app. I have to use the online version if I take my chromebook to school with me instead of my actual tablet. So whether or not this is the chromebook’s fault is a bit iffy.

Here are some photos for proof if you need to see what you’d be signing up for!

Nobody can….

Instead of a “start” menu… we have a search menu. The top bar shows your most recently used apps. 

[wonhuis]

hey! sorry for not being that active, i got one final! i didn’t expect it tbh but since subjects have a limit of 3 years i was “forced” to take at least one if i wanted to keep my regularity. so yeah i prob didn’t pass but i just need a 4 to keep it cool. ah yes! exo m had a lot of potential, i still like exo tho, they are one of my first groups. i read you put seulgi in one of your tags, do you like rv? 1/? 🍰-sss

i feel your struggle is like i want to multitask but at the same time just for a little while. the game had a 80% discount i think, it was like woah steam and its christmas spirit came early this year. fbkjsfsbk gta betrayed you! can you change it tho? thank you! my stomach didn’t help me these few days but the stress didn’t help as well. I haven’t watch it but it’s on my list? would u rec it? 2/? 🍰-sss 

idk a lot abt dramas, animes on the other hand💕 do u have any fav anime/s?jun in denim jacket is everything! it suits him very well, the red sweater he wore on going seventeen was amazing too! tbh everything he wears + black hair is my fav look. black hair suits him so well! but brown hair is my close 2nd fav. for clothes: sweaters, like a nice cream colour. i love when he wears jackets or big coats, he looks so cozy and my heart goes *boom* ¾ 🍰-sss 

question: who would get along with the most in svt? also the whole mess thats going on bc of twitter and reposters, smh. people have no shame to not only steal content but believe they have the nerves to say “it’s just a gif”, then do it yourself. a lot of ccs spend time and effort doing it. twt is pure clownery. i hope u started well this week! (besides twt drama). also vernon + bugs lmao!!! i’d have done the same ngl 4/4 🍰-sss

oh sweetie don’t worry about it!! i’m not a consistent person myself so i tend to be inactive out of nowhere for a few days as well lmao but omg hope u at least got that 4!!! what are u studying, if you don’t mind me asking?

ah yes i still do love exo as well!!i mean baekhyun is still my ult lmao if ur a cheol stan are u also a suho one? oh but u said u liked exo m better lmao i just know so many ppl that are suho stans and also stan cheol lmao (and taeil from nct????) so i’m curious about it!! 

and i do!!! we’ve been fighting a LOT recently because i really dislike the songs they dropped after bad boy but oh well, they’re still cute and i rlly like them!! not my fave gg of this generation bc twice exists, but they’re somewhere there with a few others lmao 

oh i multitask all the time it’s an addiction honestly kkdskdj if i don’t do at least two things at the same time i absolutely can’t concentrate for some reason, but one of the things can be listening to music so it’s all good, like right now i’m answering this and listening to some glee performances LMAO but omg 80% is a reallyyyyy good discount!! i think i could still return gta but i paid it rlly cheap and i’m still planning on getting a new laptop so i don’t rlly wanna get rid of it lmao also i play it when i’m at my friend’s house sometimes 

ah it was a really cute drama, but some things rlly annoyed me lmao i’d rec it because it’s cute and i’m hella biased towards jinyoung and jisoo lmao also i didn’t suffer that much but the final ep disappointed me a lot bc it felt rlly rushed :/ like the two seasons went at a certain pace and then the last ep felt too much, but it was still good!!

and i looooooooooove animes lmao my all time fave is fullmetal alchemist!!! for anime and for manga! i reread and rewatch it every single year and i’ve been doing it for 10 years lmao (i do the same with percy jackson because i’m crazy like that!!) but i also love haikyuu, bnha, tokyo ghoul (rip), kimetsu no yaiba, bungou stray dogs, kuroshitsuji and i’m a huge fan of shoujo too!! my fave is fruits basket, but i love gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun, kimi ni todoke, ao haru ride, akatsuki no yona, ore monogatari, ouran high school host club, kaichou wa maid sama and others! AND ALSO!! i love those cute slice of life ones like barakamon, tanaka-kun wa itsumo kedaruge, kyoukai no kanata and hyouka!! i’m always watching new anime but i also rewatch most of the animes i’ve watched, some that i really like to rewatch (besides the ones i’ve already said, that i have rewatched a few times lmao) are karneval, yamada-kun to nananin no majo and servamp! they all only have one season of 12 eps and they’re rlly easy to watch, that’s why i watch them a lot lmao 

ANYWAY

omg yes black hair is everything to me i’m the biggest black hair suppremacist lmao BUT the brown comma hair he had during clap? AMAZING! his mansae brown hair was also REALLY nice, i rlly did enjoy the dirty blonde one from very nice too! and the pink!!!!! i love pink hair sO MUCH, I LOVE JUN IN EVERY HAIR COLOR LMAO HE LOOKS AMAZING IN ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!! (but black hair is def my fave for anyone lmao except minghao bc i loved his clap hair the most)

CHEOL IN BIG AND WARM AND COZY JACKETS/SWEATERS/COATS YESSSSSS I LOVE IT TOO!!!! big and fluffy sweaters are my fave looks ever bc it’s just so cute my heart combusts always 

also i think wonwoo? we have a similar kind of humor and we also like the same things, but even though i talk a lot i’m never the one to start the talk and neither is he, so we’d basically never talk LMAO but it’d be all good we could just hang around together in a comfortable silence while we read and pet my cats!! i’d also like to say minghao and vernon bc i love them but they’re kinda too deep for me lmao i’m a shallow person and i don’t like taking things too seriously so it’d be a problem sometimes i think… oh!!! there’s jeonghan too!! we’d definitely either love or hate each other LMAO i’m rlly similar to him when i’m comfortable with someone i think, like his sometimes devilish personality is 100% me with my close friends lmao but what about you?????

and ah yeah… the reposters…. see i get PISSED over reposters i really do despise them SO MUCH!!!!! see from 2011-2013 i had an anime blog and i used to make a lot of edits and gifs there and i always had these two accs that reposted me all the time and i got so pissed bc u couldn’t report for this back then so i just deleted my whole acc (it had over 20k followers lmao) so i still get pissed!!! this one set of mine from my nct blog got reposted and it got almost 2k notes when mine had like 500 (it now has almost 4k but still) and i HATE that lmao like nowadays ppl aren’t even supporting content creators anymore u know, the likes to reblogs ratio is RIDICULOUS. i have this one post from 2011 in my old blog that has 1800 notes and only 100 are likes, but now it’s the exact opposite and it kinda :// i always say that i don’t care about numbers bc i LOVE to read to tags and stuff like that is what matters to me the most, but if people don’t reblog there’s no tags for me to read and that’s what saddens me the most :/ i never rlly cared about notes, but it’s kinda shitty to spend a shit ton of time doing something just for fun and people don’t even appreciate it :/

also the way content creators literally are the ones that keep this plataform up and running and it means NOTHING to have a big following here, like ppl on twt and ig get sponsors for their numbers even if they do NOTHING. i hate twitter so much lmao ppl out there only stealing jokes and posts from tumblr and acting like they’re the shit, then getting 100k followers and sponsors like?? i’m sorry?? also there’s SO MANY artists on twitter that get absolutely no recognition but only those shit ass people that tweet about their foot fetish get followes, same with ig if ur rich and take nice pics of urself traveling then ur famous i HATE

I’M SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH BUT I GET SO ANGRY LMAO 

FUCK reposters and fuck tumblr and fuck twitter too 

but not fuck you sweetie, sorry pls come back ksdjnakjsd

[youwontcatchmealive]

The Fitnessgram Pacer Test™

jksdgjhsgfhjsdhgf\sj so i rly just wanna get this off my fuckin system but i can’t put it all on my twitter bc 140 characters limitation and yeah, i rly just have to let this out, idc i feel like this is an emotional fart i’ve been holding in for too long, so

these are some of my thoughts abt Supergirl, the show not the character, not only on 209 but Supergirl in general (tho it’s mostly abt 209)

i’VE MISSED SUPERGIRL SM i’d be lying if i say i didn’t

tho i never got too stoked for the next episodes bc i know there’s gonna be lots of scenes with mon hell with it

speaking of mon hell

who tf wrote his characterization and storyline

why does he act like that, being so quirky for what, for humorous purposes? ain’t nothing funny about whatever he does, he literally contributes nothing, everything he does is either boring or annoying i jUST

(i love chris wood tho, i’ve nothing but respect for him, he’s a great person)

it’s just mon hell is a very annoying and overrated character at this point

when he first arrived he was in a fucking coma (he should’ve stayed that way) and the first thing he did when he woke up was to choke Kara and give her a hard time in the next episodes by being such a pain in the ass to her

(all of these while the message the show wants to give is that mon hell is just misunderstood, he’s trying so hard to fit in, his attempts at fitting in is supposed to be funny) (it’s not, it’s annoying)

and now we’ve seen his actions (read: disastrous bs) in 209; he started working at the bar (where m’gann used to work, honestly where the fuck is m’gann, just give her like 10 minutes of screentime locked up that’d be better than mon hell doing stuff) like hOW TF DID HE EVEN LAND THE JOB HOW TF DID HE BECOME A BARTENDER WHEN HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK A CLUB SODA IS?/ ???? SERIOUSLY WHAT TO H*CK

he follows Kara around like an annoying puppy (he’s not a puppy, it’s just for emphasis) he doesn’t even listen to Kara and he thinks that Kara can’t do anything without him when the reason they got trapped together to another planet was bc he didn’t listen to Kara

he bosses Kara around, like dude pipe tf down, Kara’s been around saving the world for Rao knows how long, who tf are u again?? ????

hE’S SO FUCKING USELESS

exhibit a: he followed Kara to another planet in hopes of saving her, in the end he couldn’t do a thing bc of the red sun

exhibit b:hE GOT HIS GOT DAMN FEET CAUGHT IN SOME TRAP SERIOUSLY HOW FUCKING USELESS CAN U GET I AM APPALLED

exhibit c: he keeps on telling Kara to just escape and leave the kidnapped people behind since he and Kara can’t do anything and when the aliens electrocuted Kara hE JUST FUCKING WATCHED THERE LIKE “YOU’RE DOING GREAT HONEY” FUCKING H*CK MON HELL YOU NEVER FAIL TO DISAPPOINT

(like at this point i’m laughing everytime he’s onscreen not bc of his “funny antics” but bc he’s so fucking stupid)

exhibit d: in the end, it was Kara who saved the day, with the help of Izzy and the DEO agents, he just kind of went along with Kara’s plans since all he ever thinks of is himself

and now he wants to be a fucking hero, like Izzy is a much better hero than he is, even James who has his own flaws and has no superpowers is doing what he can in his own way to save people

literally everyone on the show is a hero in their own way, except for mon hell. he’s just strong, nothing more. he doesn’t even have the heart of a hero, he’s so selfish and i’m pretty sure he just wants to be a hero to impress Kara, to prove that he’s “good enough” for her oh pls i’ve read way too many heterosexual YA novels with the same exact plot i’m tiredt

(bet he just said he wants to be a hero so he could spend more time with Kara euhughguhgughghgh)

(apparently i hate mon hell too much)

(moving on)

i was relieved that Kara was in a funk bc she thinks stopping jewelry heist is such a mundane thing, and not bc of what happened between her and mon hell last episode

Kara being so happy for Alex is so pure (´༎ຶ ͜ʖ ༎ຶ `)♡ like all her life Alex has watched out for Kara, and i know Kara wants the best for Alex, she wants what’s best for her sister but she knows she can’t do it alone, add the fact that she’s Supergirl, she’s got so much things in her hands, and now that there’s another person who actually makes Alex happy, she’s happy as well

i love the Danvers sisters relationship so much

i mean Kara’s even giddy when Alex told her Maggie slept over in her apartment, theY’RE JUST SO PURE? /? ??? I LO V E

sanvers saved 209 for me

srsly that domestic shit omggggggggggg

that sanvers scene in the kitchen is lit straight outta fanfic don’t fight me on this

also it really reminds me of the music video for Accidentally In Love hAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and i’m glad they somehow worked things out in the end, Alex is so fragile she needs lots of Maggie hugs

shoutout to detective Maggie Sawyer for actually detecting that Kara is Supergirl

she smart as h*ck

i’m so proud of Winn omg, he has overcome his fear and self doubt, like he always thinks he’s so weak, that he can only help thru his IT skills but thanks to Alex, he’s finally seen his own worth

Winn Schott is the Armin Arlert of Supergirl (Alex is Mikasa to him oh my gdo i’m so sorry this is a terrible comparison @snk i’m over you bihh)

i’m so sad that James, Winn, and Kara’s friendship is down to 2 now, since James is keeping his Guardian identity to Kara and Kara has been busy abt other things

i miss the times when the three of them would save the day together =(((( their friendship was so pure, i wish i’d see more of their trio in the next episodes

James is my hot chocolate son

i’m kinda ‘uuuuhhhhh’ to him this season bc he feels so unsatisfied with himself (i blame the karolsen breakup [the writers’ fault, not that characters’]) he doesn’t feel happy with the position Cat gave him, the position that Cat has worked so hard to achieve, and even tho i’m so proud of him for being the Guardian it still won’t do justice since he still has minimal screentime

like there goes James saving the day, and they focus on mon hell being a big baby fratboy i’m *clenches fist*

James seems like a completely different person this season, and i’m not quite fine with it

but i still love him, he’s a pure man

Izzy inspired Kara so much <33333 and vice versa, but omg i love her sm, she definitely helped Kara at some point

i fucking hate Snapper man, i fucking hate his bald head and his permanent frown and the way he acts so grumpy like Cat and he ain’t even shit

tho i’m glad that he’s finally coming around to Kara, i still hate him

also

wHERE IS MY DAUGHTER LENA

HAVE YOU SEEN LENA

THEY MIGHT AS WELL CHANGE THE SHOW’S TITLE TO FINDING LENA

I’M SO SALTY ABT THIS LIKE

the way she and Kara ended things is so tragic

they never really talked after Lena pulled a huge ‘sike’ to Lillian

and now they completely forgot about her in 209

like i only saw her during Kara’s monologue in the beginning aND DAS NOT ENOUGH =(((( I WANT MY DAUGHTER BACK WHERE IS SHE

she basically just saved the entire alien population in National City and no one remembered it?/ ?????

not to mention that Kara was right that Lillian is behind project Cadmus and Lena doubted her to the point that she drove Kara away but she didn’t let her feelings for Kara (read: broken friendship) get between her decision to do the right thing

and all her life Lillian was so cold around her and Lillian tried to give her a chance to prove her worth by killing the aliens, bUT NO, LENA CHOSE THE RIGHT THING, LENA SAVED EVERYONE, LENA IS A HERO, I’M ON THE VERGE OF SOBBING BC NO ONE DESERVES HER AT THIS POINT, MY DAUGHTER LENA HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH EMOTIONAL TURMOIL BUT SHE’S STILL SO PURE IN HEART I’M SO FUCKIG

(why did i use an eat bulaga pic HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA VEA R U SEEING THIS)

and the project Cadmus arc was such an important arc, like most of the previous episodes revolved around Cadmus, why end it abruptly? ? ?? no explanation at all? ????

we don’t even know what Lillian is doing at this point, what my daughter Lena is doing at this point

(i know i’m bitching too early since we’re only 9 episodes thru the season and i know we’ll see more of them again in the upcoming episodes but the way they treated the whole arc like nothing happened i just *clenches fist again*)

i know Lena is a minor character, car of melt stans actually attacked me with that argument when i complained why i see less of Lena and more of mon hell but lesbi honest, Lena has actually contributed more to the show than mon hell did

Lena: inspired Kara to be a reporter, trusts Kara so much, trusts Supergirl so much as well, (included potstickers as the main course in her gala so Kara can stuff her face with them) felt bad abt Kara when she thought Kara stereotyped her for being a Luthor but it didn’t stop her from saving the aliens and turning back on her mom, has a good heart and never gives up despite the people stereotyping her for being a Luthor

mon: el

jk

mon hell: kicked Kara around, annoyed Kara, tries so hard but still falls way too short, takes too much screentime with his annoying antics, kissed Kara when he was fucking dying and not remember a single thing when he woke up, etc

Lena has did way too fucking many in her little screentime i’m so proud of her

i want Lena where tf is she

where is M’gann, pls give her lots of screentime as well

aND WHERE TF IS LUCY AND AGENT VASQUEZ, WHY DID THEY DISAPPEAR ALL OF A SUDDEN

i mean i understand Cat has her reasons why she left, bUT LUCY FUCKIGN HELL

SHE JUST GOT A POSITION IN THE DEO AND NOW WHERE TF IS SHE BIIIIIITCHHHH

like i spent my time hating on her while bing watching s1 bc she was so mean to Kara bUT SHE CAME AROUND MAN, SHE AND KARA ARE FINALLY FRIENDS, AND NOW SHE’S GONE FOR REASONS WE’LL NEVER KNOW

does anyone even remember Cat Grant at this point

Supergirl will never be Supergirl if not for Cat, i’m kinda salty no one ever talks about her anymore

she was such a vital character to the show, i miss her, i miss how she dragged men with her fire one-liners, i missed how she acted so cold and bossy when deep inside she actually has a heart of gold, i miss how she inspired Kara so much, i fucking miss her man =(((

i can’t believe they sacrificed the badass women in the show in exchange for a soggy piece of bread

((mon hell wants a superhero name, just name him soggy, at least he can wear the S crest on his chest as well, with a totally different meaning hAHAHAH))

bring Cat Grant back. bring Lucy back. bring agent Vasquez back.

give Lena and M’gann the proper screentime they deserve

s1 was wayyyyyyyyy better than s2 (tho i love Lena and sanvers so much, it’s the truth)

why is the cw butchering the show

ok i’m sorry i’ve complained a lot but yeah this was a huge, long, stinky fart and i’ve let it out, i’m so relieved

anyway das all, i’m so glad i farted this out, imma go to sleep now, deuces

p.s. Melissa has been so active lately i’m so fucking curedt, you go Mel-Mel, a hero in TV and in real life oh myg do i love you sm

[thedegenerateasexual]

more let’s talk about love under the cut, chapters 17-26:

chapter 17:

this is fully just a feenie and alice fight and tbh feenie is so in the wrong it’s ridiculous

“[Ryan] thinks we ditched you last night.”

“You did ditch me.” She laughed a little.

“Yeah. Well. Anyway, just call him.”

Alice couldn’t even pretend to be mad. Ryan had to be the sweetest person on the planet and besides, it had all worked out. “So you’re just not going to apologize?” she joked.

“Are you going to apologize?” Feenie shot back.

“For what?”

“For fucking leaving.”

(Ah, there it was.)

(Damn it.)

“Um, well, not to be petty, but you left me first.”

“We went upstairs. You actually left the party. That is not the same thing.” She looked Alice right in the eyes. “I’m not going to apologize for having sex with my boyfriend when you fucking jumped ship the first chance you got because you couldn’t stand being alone for thirty minutes. Miss me with that bullshit.”

WOW

dude she was ASSAULTED and could have been RAPED you do not get to be like that lmao it was unsafe for her to be there alone

so much for feenie being the good egg

chapter 18:

so she’s telling takumi about the fight and feenie and ryan and:

“Tell me about them. What do you like most?”

“Ryan is the literal light of my life. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as considerate and driven as him. He’s all-around amazing. And Feenie, well, she’s my oldest friend and soulmate. Her word, not mine, but I believe it,” Alice said before laughing at a random memory that popped into her head. “When we were little, people used to call us Ebony and Ivory, which is kind of offensive now that I’m thinking about it.”

“But she’s dating Ryan? And you’re okay with that?” The back end of her taco fell onto her plate with a small bit of it landing on her shirt. Takumi passed her some napkins.

“Oh, it’s not like a romantic kind of soulmate,” she said, dabbing her shirt. “Feenie’s pretty hardcore, but she has her sentimental moments. Once she said if reincarnation were real, we’d meet each other in every single life because nothing can keep us apart. We’re meant to be.”

He looked confused. “If you’re soulmates, aren’t you supposed to be in love with each other? That’s how it works.”

“I suppose it could be romantic or whatever, but she has Ryan. They’re meant to be right now, but we’re meant to be forever, if that makes sense.”

He finished chewing before saying, “Not really.”

Oh Boy

omg aw he offered to let her crash at his place for a bit until it blows over

“I never lived with my best friends, but I know what it’s like when they start dating and suddenly, everything feels like them versus you and they’re all you have. You don’t have to slink around feeling terrible. If you need space, I have space.”

She wanted to kiss his cheek.

Kiss. His. Cheek.

alice is so gone. i have only liked someone enough to voluntarily kiss their cheek one (1) time. it’s a rare feeling. i guess she cheek kisses more than i do tho. she platonically cheek-kisses!

hahahahaha and so since he’s babysitting his nieces that evening guess who gets roped into it! i would probably literally kiss a stranger on the cheek before i willingly interacted with their children alone

chapter 19:

while crashed out at takumi’s alice looks at one of his photography albums:

Near the end of the album, it happened: Takumi and the girl kissing.

“Wow, you’re real fond of that whole kissing thing.”

“And you’re not?”

“I don’t dislike kissing.” Alice closed that album and picked another. “I also don’t take pictures of myself while doing it.”

alice u liar u hate kissing

haha look at her fishing around to see if it’s safe tho

“So,” Alice began, drawing out the word, “kissing is important to you?”

“Honestly expressing my feelings is important to me.” He flipped a page. There were several pictures of a bonfire at night. A Southeast-Asian guy with dewy brown skin was wrapped in a red blanket, laughing in one photo. “Sometimes that means kissing. Or spending three days editing photos and videos together for my brother. Or letting a girl I just met stay in my house and look through my pictures because she’s scared to go home.”

i cannot BELIEVE he is being so smooth when she is literally going thru pics of him & his ex...also like How Candid honestly

“I spend a lot of time trying to figure stuff out. Like, my feelings and sorting through my thoughts. I don’t think I overthink, but I like to know why things are the way they are for me and why they’re different for someone else.”

“I think everyone does that.”

“No, they don’t. At least, I don’t think they do. Not the way I do it,” she said. “So. Like. If I ask you something and it seems strange, I’m not being weird, I’m trying to understand.”

ACE MOOD like i said it’s a contemplative existence

chapter 20:

aw man alice went back to therapy after all just to talk about feenie and ryan (theyre still not speaking)

it’s not a v long chapter but anyways

chapter 21:

Ryan caved first.

THANK GOD

Feenie took longer to come around. No one mentioned anything, let alone apologized. Her simply consisted of asking Alice if Family Night for that week could be on Thursday. When she had learned Alice had been hiding at Takumi’s, she curiously had nothing to say, no questions to ask, no teasing jokes to make Alice squirm.

yikes

yk tho for real feenie is a really well written character...like alice, you want to like her, but part of you also wonder if the relation has played its course, which is heartbreaking. nice job 10/10

anyway she and ryan are hanging out and takumi called her from a bar for a ride lol he’s hammered 

and ryan like...really really tried to get her to not leave again and she kissed him on the cheek again? and before i was like, aw, cute, how platonic! and now i am Wary of both ryan and feenie. like is he emotionally cheating on feenie with her...is that a thing...i don’t like it

OH SHIT back at his house he’s gotten kind of rambly and:

“If you were dating someone, and you knew they loved you with their whole heart, had absolutely no doubts about it, could you cheat on them?”

Obviously, that question sent her mind into overdrive, connecting all the dots. A roommate who moved out suddenly. A part-time job to cover his rent. Essie telling her he’s single “now.”

Takumi had a someone.

A someone who had, apparently, cheated on him.

hhhhholy shit

“Me personally?” she asked finally. “No. I mean, it’s highly unlikely.”

Cheating on someone was one of those things she was destined to never understand. Choosing to not have sex with someone else didn’t seem like that hard of a concept to grasp, and yet she had comforted more than one person who had been cheated on.

you should NOT have to be ace to understand this shit why are people Like this

So he told her.

All of it.

Everything Alice did and didn’t want to know.

Takumi and his ex-girlfriend and former almost-wife, Rena, had started dating in college when they were nineteen. And it just … worked. They had gone to the same college, lived together for two years, and then earlier this year, she cheated on him. She had always been a social butterfly (his words) and an innocent flirt (her words), but when it came to some guy named Thad (Alice’s words: “Really? That’s his name?”), that innocence fluttered. Except it wasn’t only Thad. She cheated again with someone else. And once more for good measure before they broke up.

They began talking again a few weeks ago, very tentative (his words). Tomorrow night, they were supposed to have dinner to talk about being friends again and possiblyseeing if that could lead somewhere back to being together, but he had seen her kissing some guy downtown earlier. Which was why he was so drunk. He realized that even though she might have missed him (her words), she didn’t really want to be with him anymore (his words).

Y I K E S

ohhh man this is so sweet though like he asked her for relationship advice and she totally fumbled through it because of limited experience but she honest-to-god tried her best

chapter 22:

lol alice’s mom called and is on her ass about being a lawyer again...alice was like gimme 3 weeks to come up w/ a new plan bc i cant deal w/ being a lawyer im proud of her

oh shit it’s feenie backstory time

“Marie called me yesterday.” Marie—Feenie’s mom. “She worked whatever connections she has and had my case for fighting that dude in the bar last year thrown out. Apparently, that gave her the right to interrogate me. She wanted to know when I was going back to school, why I was wasting my life, why I was embarrassing her like this.” Feenie exhaled. “I want to have a family with Ryan because that’s what’s right for me. I don’t get how me wanting to get knocked up and be a housewife affects her. She doesn’t want me to have kids, so she’s never going to see them. Even if I die, she will never see them.”

Alice knew that. She’d known it for years.

In elementary school, when they were told to be doctors and astronauts and firefighters, Feenie stood up and said she wanted to be a mom. Back then, her favorite game had been House. Feenie was always the stay-at-home mom, while Alice was the working mom, and they had seven stuffed-animal children. Feenie did all the cooking, cleaning, and made sure Alice had her newspaper when she got home from work.

She wanted to be everything Marie hadn’t been for her even then.

Their relationship ultimately died when Marie wished Feenie had never been born. She said Feenie ruined all the plans she’d had for herself.

ohhhhh honey ))): okay some of my waryness has abated no wonder she’s like that

oh nevermind feenie immediately bit her head off when she mentioned takumi feenie sucks

chapter 23:

movie night with takumi and alice!! not much to copypasta but this near the end:

She took a deep breath. “I’m not ready to share. I don’t want to tell you.”

It was his turn to fix her hood. (He knew not to touch her hair.) “Okay,” he said. “You don’t ever have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

But part of her did want to. Her secret shouldn’t even have been one—it should have been a nonissue. Why couldn’t being asexual just be accepted?

Why did she have to spend the rest of her life coming out over and over and over…? And once she did, would people always expect her to talk about it? It would always be a huge deal, she would always be subjected to questions, and she would always have to defend herself.

Would it ever stop feeling like A Thing, a barrier, between her and everyone else?

LITERALLY! god what a mood

chapter 24:

also short, but when alice spotted feenie shopping for wedding dresses and offered to come along we had this exchange:

Feenie clicked her tongue. “Sure you can pry yourself away from Takumi long enough to spend time with me?”

Alice sighed and stood up. Feenie didn’t stop her.

ok look 1. feenie was so disappointed they didnt bang and now this?? 2. she gets to ditch alice at the party to be with her BF but alice doesn’t get to date anyone?? wow

chapter 25:

i could have honestly pasted the entire thing because it’s so goddamn cute and i can’t pick a favorite part but the tl;dr is that takumi is sick and alice went over to take care of him and he kept talking about how great she was in a slightly fever-addled way

wait no i can paste my least favorite part:

“Yeah. I haven’t heard from him in two days, but he called in sick on Saturday.”

Ryan twirled the screwdriver between his fingers, focused. “Are you sure he’s actually sick?”

“It’s either that or he’s packing and needed some time off.” Alice shrugged. “He already signed the lease for his new place.”

“Maybe he’s doing something else that doesn’t involve you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ryan’s face was so open, so honest. It always told the truth before he was ready to speak.

(Basically, he couldn’t lie to save his life.)

“I just think it’s funny that you talk to him and see him every day and all of a sudden he disappears and doesn’t tell you why. I mean, you’re guessing he’s sick or packing. You don’t actually know.”

WHY are they being like this with her wow they are HORRIBLE best friends

also, theyre getting married in 6 months vs two years suddenly. feenie moved up the date :/

chapter 26:

ALICE AND FEENIE AND RYAN ARE FINALLY HAVING IT OUT:

“You spend a lot of time with him.”

“You two spend a lot of time together without me.”

“That’s different. We’re engaged.”

“So I’m just supposed to sit around and wait for you both to remember I exist?”

“Of course not, but you shouldn’t edge us out. You’re the one making it as if it has to be him or us.”

“How am I doing that? And why is this all my fault? Why do you two have a Get Out of Ditching Alice pass that I’m supposed to accept because you say so? How is that fair to me?”

“We don’t ditch you,” Ryan said.

“You do. You have for years. I just don’t say anything because I don’t want us to fight, but the second I find an actual friend on my own, you two act like this. Neither of you said anything when I spent time with Margot. Why is Takumi suddenly different?”

shit dude! she’s right! and then feenie enters:

“Maybe we minded then and didn’t say anything either.”

Alice whipped around at the sound of Feenie’s voice. Feenie leaned against the refrigerator, arms crossed.

“Maybe,” she continued, “we were really hurt, but you were too busy being happy to notice. Just like right now.”

An enraged fierceness made the edges of Alice’s vision turn red. She balled her hands into fists. “I wouldn’t even have met Margot if you hadn’t decided to move in with Ryan at the last minute. The millisecond you two started dating, he came first. You started to choose him over me every single time.” She turned that rage on Ryan. “And you have always chosen her over me.” Her phone buzzed. “Takumi’s outside.” She slung her purse strap over her shoulder while marching for the door.

man this is fucking sad i hope they make this better somehow :/

anyway she goes to hang out w/ takumi and 

“You wound me, madam.” He clutched his chest, wincing. “Especially since it’s your fault. It’s hard not to have an ego when you’ve told me you love my beautiful face.”

“Shut it.”

“How beautiful are we talking here? What’s my code?”

She groaned. “Not this again.”

OMG IS SHE GONNA TELL HIM...i’m on the edge of my seat here

“Tell me and I’ll bake you cookies when I’m not sick.”

“What kind of cookies?” she asked, leaning back into his arms. “And you have to use real flour. None of that ultra-buckwheat high-fiber stuff.”

“Oatmeal chocolate chip?”

“Deal.” She stared at the ceiling. “Black. I’d like two dozen cookies, please.”

just shrieked

“Black? I thought the Cutie Code was Green to Red.”

“It is. Was.” The gears and wheels turning inside Alice’s head locked into place as realization sank in. Meeting Takumi had challenged everything she thought she knew about herself, made her work to find out who she was on a fundamental level. He challenged her in the best way possible, wholly unaware of the effect he had on her, pushing her so far out of her comfort zone she had to question everything. She had discovered, no, was still discovering, who she was now, who she wanted to be, what she could and could not handle. He had given her a reason to reconnect with herself.

Feenie had been right—this, he, would always be someone she would want to remember.

“You exceeded my Cutie Code,” she said. “You’re the reason why I retired it. I don’t need it anymore.”

NOOOOO she should keep her cutie code! don’t throw it away fro some boy! even a great boy! it’s too good!

“I need to tell you something.” She took a step back. “Like, whatever you’re going to say, don’t say it because I need to tell you this first.”

O H S H I T HERE IT COMES

i know this is probably a happy book and he’ll accept her but i’m still so stressed out

“So you know how some people like jogging?”

“I’m one of those people, so yes.”

“Ah, yeah, okay. That worked out.” Her breathy laugh sounded forced. “So, you see, I am not one of those people. I don’t care about jogging.”

“Mmm…” He squinted at her for a moment. “Somehow, I knew that.”

“Oh, great. Good. This is going well.” Her hands began to shake. She pressed her fingers to her lips to steel herself before continuing. “Now take the word jogging and replace it with sex.”

“You don’t like sex?”

(Wow, he asked that fast.)

“No.” She held up her hand. “No, the correct sentence is I don’t care about sex.” She took a deep breath and held it. “Because I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.”

HTAT’S A GREAT ANALOGY

that’s much better than my “i’m the way gay guys feel about girls and the way gay girls feel about guys all at the same time”

“Huh,” he said, face neutral. “I thought you were bisexual.”

“I am. Minus the sexual.” She waited, watching him process through her answer. She waited for the judgment, the questions, the confusion, the thoughtful concern followed by the inevitable interruptions. Second by second, it dawned on her that she waited in vain because he was waiting for her. “My sexuality is nope.” She laughed with relief because still, second by second, he continued to wait, to listen. So she laughed again, tiny bubbles of happy that floated out of her.

HES LISTENING TO HER I LOVE THIS NOBODY ELSE BOTHERED BUT HE’S LISTENING

“How many people have you told?”

“Explicitly? You’re number four. Feenie, Ryan, and a counselor I’m seeing.”

Takumi started to speak but closed his mouth and stood up straight, focusing on the counter. Each second he didn’t look at her made tiny seeds of dread bloom in the depths of her soul. “That’s why you’re happy,” he mumbled. He nodded as if he couldn’t stop and sighed before looking at her again. His eyes had taken on a glossy, reddened tint.

“Thank you for trusting me. Realizing that, um,” Takumi said, pausing for a moment, “that hit me kind of hard.”

“What do you mean?” Alice asked quietly.

“Four. Obviously, you’ve been keeping this a secret for a reason.”

She hadn’t been thinking about trust when she told him. Ryan and Feenie had been there when she figured it out (thank God). Dr. Burris had to pry it out of her, didn’t he? And she still couldn’t say the word properly to him. Telling Takumi had been a choice—not by chance or out of necessity. It was her decision, completely on her own.

(She trusted him.)

htis fucking book hasnt made me cry in like a dozen chapters and i thought the heavy shit was over but nooooooo

and like lol i keep saying this text is calling me out...not to get personal, Again, but literally u realize stuff about urself when you read shit like this...i always play like i’m so comfortable with everything but the truth is i put ace on my profile and let other people google it and it has nothing to do with me i never see it--i dont think i’ve ever told ANYBODY irl so like...tbh i couldn’t get it out as well as she did i bet like you go alice

“I wasn’t trying to have sex with you the other night,” he said. “And I am so, so sorry if I made you feel that way.”

He was so close and so far away, as if there was an imaginary pane of glass between them. She wanted him to hug her and make the tension go away.

“No, I didn’t think that at all. That’s not why I told you.”

“This should go without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, partly because I want to, but also because I think you need to hear it. If knowing you’re asexual makes someone see you differently, then they don’t deserve to be in your life. My feelings for you are exactly the same as they were an hour ago. This doesn’t change anything between us.”

HEYYYYYYYYYY YEAH!!!!! i’m so happy for her!!!!!!!!!!!!! if anybody ever said anything like this to me i’d die on the spot!!!!!!!! YOU GO ALICE

gotta break this post here bc it’s getting long again, hopefully i can finish the rest of the book before dawn & in the next one