#(due to his past trauma and fear of losing his loved ones again)

[ask-sunshine-the-hedgehog]

✿

Sunshine sees Lucas as a younger brother and is very protective of him, he sometimes will even jump in to protect Lucas in situations where he's completely capable of defending himself, although he's been trying not to do it as much anymore so the boy doesn't feel underestimated or smothered.

They enjoy cooking together and will often trade foods from each others worlds and teach each other recipes made from said foods.

[steveslevis]

i love you, it’s ruining my life

azriel x cassian's sister!reader - part 2 of 3

summary: Rhysand sends you on the mission to Windhaven alone, and things do not go as planned.

warnings: mentions of violence/blood, poison, mentions of previous assault and past trauma, Azriel being oblivious and upset again

word count: 5.5k

Windhaven, the place you once called home.

Now the place you avoided at all costs, the place where you lived through your worst nightmares and recollected them every single night while trying to sleep in the hell hole of a cabin you were going to be staying in for the night. 

You tried your hardest to forget about the night that would haunt you for the rest of eternity, tried to will it from your memory, tried to put up an obsidian wall around it to lock it in. 

But there was no forgetting what happened to you, not now, not ever. There was no trusting a male fully ever again, all thanks to the Illyrian customs.

Cillian was the first and last male you ever trusted. He gained your trust, made you fall in love with him, then ripped you to shreds, mentally and physically. The only male you ever trusted was the same one who lured you into that wretched cabin alone and held you down with a knife. 

I love you, he had whispered in your ear all those years ago while pinning you to the floor, your wings spread as the knife pressed against one of the central tendons, I just have to do this so everyone knows you’re mine. So you can be a normal Illyrian female. 

He was mere centimeters from clipping your wings when Rhysand heard your silent cries, busting into the cabin, making the wicked male scramble away in fear of what might happen to him. 

You knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep at all during your stay in the camp, but it was probably better that way. That way you could stay on guard all night, that way you could watch your own back. You had to prove to Rhysand and the rest of the Inner Circle that you could be treated like a grown female, that you were willing to do anything for the Night court. 

There wasn’t much time when you arrived at the cabin, you had to set your bag inside and leave almost immediately, heading towards Lord Devlon’s hall for dinner. 

As much as Devlon hated your brother, he had nothing but respect for you. That might be partially due to the threats you’d set into his mind a few hundred years ago, or the fact that you’d beat him during training multiple times, but the reason didn’t matter. It was more beneficial for you to be the one to show your face in Windhaven this time around and you knew that, regardless of how much it made your stomach turn. It was important that someone from the Inner Circle came to Windhaven every once in a while under the guise of making sure the camp was still in order, so this was the perfect opportunity to gain important insight as well. 

So you sat at the long table for dinner, chatting with those around you in the most civil tone that you could. You couldn’t bear to eat in all honesty, just the thought of having to stay in the cursed cabin for even eight hours for sleep was enough to make you lose all appetite. So, you opted for pushing around some potatoes and meat on your plate all while chugging down four glasses of faerie wine throughout the two hours you were there.

You coincidentally sat to the right of Cormac during the meal, who had Balvard sitting on the left of him, making it almost too easy for you to infiltrate their minds and figure out their foolish plan. The two of them were under the impression that they would be able to take out Devlon with a faebane dagger and control the camps with ease. It made you scoff to yourself when you discovered that neither of them had a backup plan, as if that was going to work out so smoothly for them. 

The remainder of dinner after finding out the information you needed consisted of you bantering with some of the Illyrians you had grown up next to, ones who had turned into great warriors through training at Windhaven. The sun had been set for hours by the time you made your way back to the cabin, setting up some wards as you stepped over the threshold. 

Exhaustion hit you almost immediately upon changing into your sleep clothes, eyelids heavy as you relaxed onto your side in the large bed next to the fire you’d just lit. You’d assumed you would be wired at this point, you’d planned on not sleeping at all due to the fear instilled deep in your bones. 

You cuddled into the blankets, the familiar scent of your old home giving you an eerily comforted feeling passing through your gut. Solace filled you once you threw up a final shield around the small cabin, setting you at ease to know nobody could come in unless you let them in.

Before you knew it, you were fast asleep on the bed.

You awoke a few hours later, disturbed by the noise of the front door swinging open. Your body felt paralyzed in the moment, lethargy taking you over as you slowly turned your head towards the noise. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion as you watched the two males stalk through the door, unable to react in any way as your eyes trailed up to see Cormac and Balvard stepping over the threshold. The smirks on their faces told you everything you needed to know about what was about to happen. 

You wracked your brain for how this could’ve happened, how you were immobilized by these two lowly, evil men in front of you, how you fell into their trap so easily, and how the hell you were completely unable to use any power or energy in this moment. 

Faebane.

How could you be so foolish? You should’ve known better than to drink the wine so freely at a table of men you barely knew, especially after infiltrating Cormac and Balvard’s minds and discovering they wanted to use the same fucking poison on Devlon.

“Stupid female.” Balvard spat at you as Cormac inched closer to you, hand reaching out for your ankle. “You really thought you could come here, infiltrate our fucking minds to find out our plans, and just get away with it?”

You couldn’t speak, it was like someone was pressing down on your throat as you tried to breathe, there had been some gloriella in your wine, too, you were sure of it. Your body was pulled from the bed and flipped over in one swift tug, you were thrown onto the floor in an instant.

Images of Cillian flashed through your mind as your helpless form was pushed onto the floor, images of his wicked grin that matched the ones both of the males in front of you were wearing currently. 

A silent tear slid down your cheek as Balvard spoke, but you couldn’t hear his words. He was still rambling on about how stupid of a female you were, and how you deserved nothing but pain after what you were planning to do to them, but you tried your hardest to drown them out. 

There was nothing you could do at this point, as Balvard held your legs down, as Cormac pinned your wings with one large hand while the other pulled a sizable knife from its sheath. There was nothing you could do but close your eyes and hope that it would be over soon. 

You had never felt this helpless before, not even when Cillian had pinned you down. At least then you were able to fight back, at least then you had a shred of dignity and pride left, at least then you hadn’t been so foolish as to let someone fucking poison you. 

You cursed yourself internally as you squeezed your eyes shut, pain rippling through your body at the first slash of the knife against your wing. The first cut was against the base of your right wing, a long slash that would take months to heal, if it ever did. 

A prayer to the Gods repeated itself in your mind as you felt the blood trickle from your wing and onto your back. Your heart ached as the silent tears flowed, wandering to the furthest corners of your mind as you tried to think of anything aside from the pain that was being inflicted upon you. It took everything in you to realize that you had a sliver of power still running through your veins, just enough to call out to your daemati brother, Rhys.

As you shot a quick thought down the bridge of Rhysand’s mind, you were met with a welcoming talon of power. You could feel his concern as you pushed one-worded thoughts to him to get his attention.

Everything alright, sister? He questioned through your mind, urging you to let him see what you’d experienced in the last twelve hours with a kind caress of his power in your mind. 

You only had enough power to cry out silently to him, Send help, please. Your mind was closed to him as quickly as it had opened, everything went dark on your end as your energy ran out and you were blinded with even more pain, throwing you quickly into unconsciousness. 

The next thing you remembered was waking up to the sound of wailing and begging from behind you, the two men who had you pinned down minutes before were thrown against the wall as their High Lord took pleasure in tearing them to shreds in a slow and painful death. The cries came to a sudden halt moments later, Rhys growing tired of their begging as he decided to shatter their minds and put you out of your misery as quickly as possible. 

“R–Rhys–” you sob once their cries stopped, unable to do anything aside from lift a weak finger to point towards the man in the doorframe. 

The High Lord’s gaze turns from one of pure rage to one of a worried friend once his violet eyes flick toward where you lay in the middle of the cabin. He takes in the sight in front of him slowly, your pained expression and tear-stained cheeks There’s blood pooled around your midsection, drenching your sleep shirt as you pant in pain on the dusty wooden floor. One of your wings looks fractured in multiple spots, while the other one is mangled from the beginnings of a mutilation.

The sight made Rhysand shudder with anger, fists tight at his sides as he slipped into your mind in order to understand the extent of the situation you found yourself in. You let him in without resistance, unable to hold any kind of mental shield up anymore. 

They were going to clip your wings, take away the one thing you had to remind you of your mother, take away the one thing you held so dearly, take away your ability to fly. They were going to make you into the ideal complicit Illyrian female before wiping your memory of the entire night, which he assumed from the extremely prohibited memory tonic rolling on the floor next to you. 

Rhys was glad he’d shattered the two traitors inside and out once your memories were collected, realizing how ruthless they had been with you moments before he stormed in. 

“D–Don’t tell Cassian.” you plead, eyes focused on Rhys as he took another step into the cabin. 

Your pleas took Rhys back to that fateful night all those years ago, the night he found you in this same room, sobbing in the middle of the room after being defiled by another Illyrian male who he nearly ripped to ribbons in the same exact spot where Cormac and Balvard laid in the corner, the male who fled from Windhaven the next morning, likely from threats from Rhysand himself.  

Four hundred and fifty years ago was when he vowed to protect you like his own sister. You had begged him that night not to tell Cassian about what he’d seen, the vulnerable state the situation had left you in. The two of you had even made a bargain that night, that he would never be able to reveal the truth about what happened, so long as you remained loyal to him and his family, which he knew you would do regardless.

Four hundred and fifty years ago he promised to be the one to look out for you and make sure you were protected in situations you knew your brother’s unadulterated rage couldn’t handle.

And now, four hundred and fifty years after that fateful day, he’d failed you. 

Rhys gave you a sympathetic look, opening his mouth to speak in response to your request, but was interrupted by your brother pushing through the doorway past him. Cassian nearly tripped over his own two feet at the sight of you, stomach churning when he saw your mangled wings slumped on the wood over your limp body. 

“Don’t look, Cass.” you beg your brother as he stares at you with wide eyes, knowing the sight will spin him into a fit of rage. In your dazed state, you could see him beginning to seethe at the possibilities of what could’ve happened to you, his breaths quickening at the thought. 

Before Cassian can reply, Rhys slips into his mind. She needs her brother right now, not the Lord of Bloodshed ready to avenge her. Let’s get her back to the house before you make any rash decisions, we can come back and rip whoever else deserves it to shreds once she’s safe. 

Cassian chokes on a breath as Rhysand tries to reassure him that you’ll be alright. It takes everything in him to compose himself, but he does it for you, his twin, his fiery sister who he’d take an ash arrow to the heart for. 

“I can’t—can’t feel—“ you choke out, squirming and groaning in pain as Cassian picks you up from the floor. “My w—wings. I can’t feel them. Did they—they take them away?”

Your pained words strike Cassian like a dagger to the heart, tears welling up as he thinks about how much pain you had to be in. 

“No, I promise. They didn’t take them away. They’re–they’re still there, Y/N. It—It’ll be okay,” your brother says in a stern tone as he chokes back his own tears, eyes wide as he watches you struggle in his arms while walking through the cabin’s front door. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

It sounded almost like he was trying to convince himself that it would all be okay as he shot into the sky with you curled up in his arms. 

You were in and out of consciousness the entirety of the flight back to the House of Wind, babbling nonsense as Cassian tried to keep you stable in his arms. 

The entire Inner Circle was already at the house when Cassian landed, an air of worry carrying through the group as they saw the state of you, more specifically the state of your wings. 

Rhysand immediately called for Madja upon seeing the extent of your injuries, and ordered Cassian to take you to your room and to keep you awake until she arrived. 

Cassian was up the stairs in a flash, Feyre and Mor on his heels as he rushed to your room, with Azriel quietly following behind them. He laid you on your side, your bloodied wings spread across the bed as you curled up near the edge of the large bed. Your eyes landed on Feyre as he stepped away, a dazed smile spreading across your lips as you reached out a hand for her. 

The High Lady gives you a small smile in return, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, which were filled with worry. She grabs your hand, squeezing it gently as she begins to tell you something that you really can’t comprehend over the ringing in your ears.

After a while of her speaking to you and you babbling nonsense in return, you try to sit up abruptly. Both Cassian and Feyre are on you in an instant, pushing you gently back onto your side, quickly telling you that you need to lay down and stay there. 

“What is it?” Feyre asks quickly, gripping your hand as you easily give up and fall onto the bed, “Is something wrong, do you need something?”

“Az…” you whimper, fighting the urge to fall asleep right then and there, “W—Where’s Azriel?”

The shadowsinger had been outside the door keeping watch, but his shadows had been listening in on the conversation within as well. The shadows curled around his ear, whispering your name to him, telling him that you requested him, so he silently strode in when he heard. Your tired eyes lit up at the sight of him in the doorway, hand slipping from Feyre’s to weakly beckon him over to you. 

Something about seeing you in this state tugged on his heart, tugged on it so much it felt like it was going to rip from his chest. He couldn’t deny your request for him to come closer, not when you looked so desperate and in so much pain, not when his absence in Windhaven was part of the reason you were in this situation in the first place. 

He made a mental note to ask Rhys who did this to you as he made his way over to the chair Feyre left for him to sit in, wanting nothing more than to show them what Truth Teller could do. 

Azriel’s hand fell next to you on the bed and you immediately rested your own atop his, grinning widely as what felt like delusion set into your bones. Shadows twined around your fingers while the others skittered across your wings as if to soothe them.

“They may—may not be able to save my wings, Az.” you choked out, a bitter giggle coming out as you spoke.

“I’m sure Madja will be able to heal you right up, Y/N. You’ll be better in no time.” Azriel assured you, but he wasn’t sure that was entirely true. “She’ll be here any minute.”

“I—I don’t even care. I just—just need my mate.” you say abruptly while shaking your head, voice barely above a whisper now as you stare at the male, glassy eyes meeting his sharp yet confused gaze.

“Mate?” he replies with a furrowed brow, lips drawing into a frown at your words. He was wondering if you even knew what you were saying at this point, if you were just saying whatever came to your disoriented mind.

“Mate.” you say a little louder this time and the whole room is silent as you reach out for Azriel, your shaky and blood-crusted hand coming up to stroke his cheek. “My mate.”

Your eyes fluttered close with those words, a smile on your lips as you’re overtaken by sleep in the moment. Your hand falls from Azriel’s cheek and onto his lap, and that’s when he feels it. That’s when he feels the shadows of his mind clearing, bringing that band of golden thread to the forefront. A band of golden thread that was tying his soul to yours. 

Before Azriel could process the situation unfolding in front of him, Cassian was pulling him from the chair so Feyre could tend to you once more. The High Lady tried to wake you, but nothing worked. Thankfully, Rhysand and Madja rushed into the room mere minutes after you became unconscious, immediately going to work on getting you back to consciousness and ready to be healed.

Cassian tugged at Azriel’s shoulders as the whirlwind began, trying to drag him into the hallway. The shadowsinger resisted, standing behind Feyre as he watched you closely. You awoke immediately when Madja began to tend to your bloodied wings, the sensitive membrane torn to shreds. A cry escaped your lips as she gently worked on them, as Feyre tried her best to keep you in one spot while Madja worked her magic. 

Azriel watched with wide eyes, rage rippling through his body as he watched you writhe in pain. He wanted nothing more than to take away your pain, to make sure nobody ever hurt you again, to keep you safe with him forever. 

Your brother continued to try to move Azriel from the room, knowing it wouldn’t end well if he continued to watch you writhe in pain as Madja made quick work of healing you. He continued to resist, shoving Cassian multiple times before Rhysand breached his mind, stopping him in his tracks.

I’ll make sure she’s okay. He spoke to Azriel in his mind, staring him down as he squeezed your hand, beginning to take away your pain. She’s safe with me and I’ll take away whatever pain I can, but we need you to leave before you do anything stupid. The bond is too new and who knows what you’ll do if you continue to see her like this.  

Azriel straightened against Cassian’s grip, nodding at Rhys as he silently assured him that you would be okay. Eventually, he let your brother guide him into the hallway, noting the glamour Rhysand had added to the bedroom to drown out your cries as Cassian closed the door. 

It isn’t until he steps into the hallway that he’s finally able to fully comprehend what just happened. That’s when guilt and fear and pain wash over his body, stinging his chest all at once, right down the bond. 

“This–It’s my fault.” he says, falling back against the wall opposite to your bedroom in the hall, his legs unable to hold him up anymore. “I–I could’ve fucking stopped this, I should’ve been there, I should’ve known that this would happen–”

“Woah, Az.” Cassian interjects, reaching for Azriel’s shoulders once again. “You and I both know how stubborn she is. She would’ve refused to go if you were going, and you know it. She thought she had to prove herself to Rhys, just like she always does.” 

“I should’ve just–Fuck!” Azriel yelled, shoving his hands into his hair to tug on it roughly out of frustration, “I should’ve fucking sent my shadows, I could’ve seen their plan, I–”

“Azriel.” Cassian interrupted once again, grabbing the shadowsinger to get his attention. “Would you shut up for one second? She would’ve torn those shadows–and you–to shreds if you did that. She’s still under the impression that you fucking hate her, Az.”

Azriel let out a shuddering breath at the thought, a whirlwind of emotions taking over. His mind was racing as he thought of you in the next room, how his shadows couldn’t even infiltrate Rhysand’s glamour to see if you were alright. None of it made sense, you deserved more than him, you should be with someone who actually could keep you safe.

“How long have you known?” Azriel pressed, stern gaze on Cassian as he finally let go of his shoulders.

“Az–”

“How. Fucking. Long.” he insisted, blue siphons flaring with power at his wrists as he reached for your brother. 

Cassian sighs, shoulders sagging in defeat as he looks to the helpless man in front of him. “Two–Two years.” he’s quiet as he speaks, voice wavering in fear of what anger the fresh mating bond could bring out of his brother. 

“You’ve known for two fucking years?” Azriel seethes, gripping Cassian’s leathers tighter as he growls, “how fucking dare you–”

“I couldn’t tell you and you know it, Az.” Cassian says, releasing himself from Azriel’s grip. 

“You’re my brother–”

“And she’s my twin, my real fucking blood sister. I couldn’t betray her like that.” he interjected, shaking his head at the shadowsinger. “She would’ve torn me to shreds, then came for you next. You should know that nobody should interfere with a mating bond, you had to find out from her.”

Azriel took a deep and shaky breath at his words, knowing that Cassian was right in every sense of the word to not tell him for all this time. Eventually he nods at Cassian, deciding that words probably aren’t his strong suit at this moment, he didn’t want to say or do anything he’d regret later. 

“C’mon, we should go somewhere else to get your mind–”

“No.” Azriel snarled, shaking his head firmly as his shadows swirled at his shoulders, siphons flaring with that ultramarine power once again. “I need to stay here, to see that she’s safe.” 

There was something damn near animalistic in Azriel’s eyes as Cassian gazed at him. In that moment, he knew there would be no getting through to the shadowsinger, not when his mate was on the brink of death on the other side of the door. 

Cassian nodded slowly at him, watching carefully as Azriel finally let go of his shoulders. The shadowsinger’s own shoulders sagged and he leaned to rest on the wall behind him, while trying to calm himself. He needed to be in that room, needed to see you, needed to hold you, but he knew there was no use in trying. Not even his shadows could slip under the door to check on you, Rhysand had glamoured the whole room to high hell in order to keep him out and to keep your healing as uninterrupted as possible. 

He knew it would take hours, maybe even days before that door opened again, but he didn’t care. He’d stay right there waiting for that lock to click and that glamour to fall just so he could see you again. 

And so wait he did. 

He waited one hour, which turned into two, which turned into four, which turned into eight. 

The wait was so long that Cassian eventually pulled two chairs out of his bedroom so they could sit, and the House nearly forced them to eat some stew that was placed upon the empty chair Azriel refused to occupy. 

He only paced, mind racing with thoughts of you, of how he couldn’t feel you any time he tried to tug on the bond. He wasn’t sure how the mating bond worked, how much a glamour could mask it or how your unconsciousness would affect it. Every time he tugged on that golden strand in his chest, he felt nothing on the other end, just resistance that he could only assume was from the inability to fully reach you.

Each unsuccessful tug only drove him closer to insanity, closer to clawing down the door between the two of you to see if Rhysand was truly the reason he wasn’t able to reach you or not. 

Just as Azriel was on the verge of another outrage, after waiting for nearly ten godsdamned hours, your bedroom door’s lock clicked. Both Cassian and Azriel’s attention whirled to the door, only to see Feyre standing at the door frame. The door was barely cracked, just enough to see her face, hiding the commotion behind her, hiding the sight of you behind her. 

The moment the door opened, a wave of nausea flowed through Azriel’s stomach, the smell of you, the smell of your blood reaching his nose immediately. 

The High Lady held out a hand as Azriel took a step towards the door, ready to push her over to finally see his mate. 

“She’s waking up now,” Feyre interjects, giving the shadowsinger a stern look that tells him to behave, “she might be really confused right now, she’s been in and out of consciousness for a while so who knows what she really remembers. Be gentle with her, she may not remember what she said before you left.”

Azriel stands up straighter at the High Lady’s words, nodding sternly at her command as Cassian stands at his side finally. Both take a moment to compose themselves while she pulls the door open, revealing the room behind her at last. 

The room is in much less of a disarray than they’d expected, likely thanks to a simple snap of Rhysand’s fingers. The only blood to be seen in the room is on your wings, which is currently being wiped away by Madja as you stir slowly. 

It takes everything in Azriel not to run up to your side right then, to push Mor from the chair next to you, to take your head into his hands and kiss you and never let you go. But he holds back, waiting for you to finally wake from your sleep. 

Your eyes flutter open a few moments later, a wave of confusion washing over you as you do. The last thing you really remember is being picked up by Cassian, off the floor of that Gods forsaken cabin. You really don’t remember how or when you made it back to the House of Wind, or what actually happened to you. At this point, judging by the shooting pain in your back, you weren’t sure if you wanted to remember what happened to you. 

Your brother’s name was the first thing to fall from your lips, your weak hand reaching out for him with a watery smile. Tears filled your eyes as he took a step toward you.

“You’re a stubborn little shit, you know that?” Cassian said with a bittersweet smile, eyes flickering between your bruised face and your tattered wings. 

“Gotta keep you on your toes all the time,” you rasp out, a small laugh from you finally filling the tense air. 

Cassian sat next to you, talking to you lowly as he tried to keep things light, tried to keep your spirits up after he caught a glance of how mangled your wings were, how ruined they might be. 

You barely noticed the shadowsinger standing behind him until a shadow skittered across your stomach, trailing to your bandaged wings to survey the damage. It wasn’t until then that you stopped to look at him, to see how stoic he looked while staring at you. His face paled, his jaw clenched as he stood silently at the foot of the bed.

“Are you here to mock me, shadowsinger?” your voice interrupted his thoughts, finally making him look up to meet your eyes.

Azriel’s brow furrowed at your words and Cassian tensed at your side. He only shook his head, an apologetic look crossing his face as he opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off by you. 

“If you’re here to tell me how I should’ve just sucked it up and gone with you, how I’m only a weak female and I can’t handle missions like this, I don’t want to hear it.”

Oh. Oh, no. 

Realization struck Azriel in an instant, you didn’t remember anything about what you’d said to him. He tried to tug on the bond, a sympathetic look in his eyes as his heart lurched for you, but felt nothing. 

The pain tonics, they mess with the bond. She cannot feel you, brother, Rhysand said to him wordlessly, watching quietly from the other side of the room, she does not know that you’re reaching out to her, she doesn’t know that you know.

Azriel felt like he was going to vomit, he couldn’t handle it anymore. He couldn’t go another minute without you knowing that he knew. But he knew better, he knew better than to throw this on you while healing from something so severe. So he looked at you once more with a calm and stoic expression, into your fiery eyes, knowing you were putting on a show of hatred just for him. 

“I wasn’t going to mock you, Y/N.” Azriel said matter-of-factly, shaking his head at the thought, “I was only going to tell you that I hope you feel better soon, and that I am sorry, for everything.”

Your stern gaze wavers for a moment, confusion crossing your once stern face at his last words. Before you could retort, he was rushing out the door, leaving one shadow behind to keep watch over you.

He thought you needed space, that you needed this time away from him to heal fully before he threw his heart at you, before he confessed how in love he’d been with you for so damn long. 

So he left. Left the House of Wind immediately, deciding that you were better off without him for now. 

But he missed the tear that slipped from your eye once he fled the room. He missed the way you were tugging against the bond as well, the golden strand too clouded by the tonics and poisons running through your veins to reach either side.

He missed the way you let out a small sob at his absence, fully recoiling into yourself as you thought that the only male you wanted couldn’t stand to be with you for more than two seconds. 

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[seirei-bh]

Jason Mendal's facade. Deep analysis about him: his past, traumas, ideologies and subsequent development -Theories

I'm going to try to do a deep analysis here about why Jason is the way he is and how he became the person he is now. At least the little info que got about him until ep 5. Before start to read, you have to keep in mind that although there is some canonical data here, there is also a lot of speculation on my part, so these theories may be refuted in future episodes.

I am going to talk here about all the possible reasons for how his behaviour is today, applied to his business, as well as to his relationships of rivalry, friendship and romance. About his ideas, mentality, his heart, and everything related to the little we know about his childhood, personality and way of behaving. It will be a long analysis with many points to discuss.

Backstory and possible traumas

To begin with, another theory about Jason that I have after ep 5 that I'm going to add to my huge list of theories about him (you can read them in some of my previous posts, like this one and others in my Jason's headcanons post) is that, regarding the big number of brief romantic partners he had, and why he doesn't want to have a long and stable romantic relationship with anyone, I think one of the reasons to that fear may also be related to the death of his father and with his own actual “perfect” life in general.

First, I mean the fact that his father died when he was a teenager has made me think that perhaps Jason's emotional situation could be similar to Anthony from Bridgerton series, who after losing his father and seeing how much his mother suffered from that loss, that created a trauma that made him never want to fall in love for fear of losing someone else whom he loves again and suffering for it.

Perhaps his mother had depression after the death of her husband, maybe because of this she neglected her son or even lost her job, so they even had financial problems, and Jason having to deal with tons of responsibilities since he was too young. That also made Jason become a person more focused on getting money and power at any price and as quickly as possible.

We do not know how his father died, it is most likely that it was due to a car accident or some serious illness. About Jason and his mother, I wonder if maybe they never got along, or if their relationship deteriorated after his father died. But regardless of that, the death of one of your parents in your teenage years is something that can affect you greatly. This makes me think about what kind of situation Jason would live in high school, I’ve the feeling that he wasn't very popular, or at least not at first, and that he was one of those people who go from being one of those who suffered bullying to those who end up bullying others as a wrong way to show that he could be stronger and thus create some popularity with which he would stop feeling alone and unprotected. I bet his "charming personality" started to come through here, and the death of his father had a lot to do with it. Being a person who did everything possible to try to fit in, even if he had to destroy others to do so.

I also wrote a long time ago in another post that it is possible that other children made fun of Jason at school for having white locks, and that he perhaps dyed his hair all brown for a long time, and that perhaps his poliosis was also a consequence of Waardenburg syndrome, which can have other consequences. Which would only add more insecurities to that little Jason and cause him to accumulate more resentment.

He saw all those popular boys at high school who were very confident guys, seemingly charming (even though they were really jerks), rich, dating with all the pretty girlfriends they want, and who had everything going well in their lives, while him, being a good and nerdy boy couldn't achieve anything and who felt more vulnerable than ever after losing his father, so he told himself that to succeed and be stronger that was the law of the jungle that prevailed and that he had to be not only like them, but better, imitating them and also later going further than them in life, whatever was the price to pay. Succeeding the unpleasant way.

To add here something more: Chinomiko said originally when New Gen was still in the previous High School ideas, Jason was a character like a “stupid comical villain”, so at least we can imagine he ended been being a jerk in his teenage years for sure. Probably the typical pathetic bully who likes to bother others, but since his character had the best glow up I also guess that now he's more complex than before too.

And all this will also manifest itself in being obsessed with the ideal of perfection and in projecting an image of himself of absolute self-confidence. Which would also make him start faking a perfect image not only at high school, later at work, but among his “friends” and with his romantic partners, so it would be exhausting for him and would end getting bored of them and don’t make him feel happy. But by the other hand, he’s afraid that a woman could find out his true self and be disappointed, so he prefers to hide his insecurity and prevent them from seeing them, ending the relationship as soon as possible.

It could also be possible that Jason's father, before he died, was a very humble and good man who had high expectations for his son and convinced him that he had to reach very high levels professionally, either because he positively supported this and had great dreams and hopes for the future of his son so he could have the better chances in life he couldn't achieve, maybe even his father was the one who had the dream about “Goldreamz” and had the desire to start his own company one day, OR on the contrary, because he was a cold man who put a lot of pressure on him to achieve excellence, because he had no expectation that his son couldn’t achieve anything like him (I think it's more probably the first option than this second one because the second one is too similar to Nathaniel's father, but who knows). Both which also led Jason to want to achieve a high professional goal, either so that his father could have been proud of him and make their dream come true, or because he wanted to show him that he could be better than the low expectations that his father had.

Someone may think that Jason getting "daddy issues" and most of his problems being caused because of this is very cliche or simple, but we have seen that before with other Mcl characters, whether due to negligence and parental abuse (Nathaniel's parents), due to little attention and abandonment (Castiel's parents, Nina's father) or due to the death of their parents or one of the parental figures (Lysander, Armin and Alexy's biological parents, or Violette's mother), so I think it wouldn't be so strange for Jason to have a trauma related to that and that a lot of things that he try to goal in his life were in some way related to that, same about why he has that behaviour in his relationships.

Another thing: Jason mentions in ep 5 that his parents were not millionaires, and his birthday was rather modest. He is quite dry and serious when mentioning this, which makes me think that it is a detail of his life that he doesn’t like to talk about, since he may consider it a weakness. And it doesn't surprise me, since Jason couldn't set up the company alone, he needed the help of various private investors to whom he now owes money and favors. Also in his description he says that he likes expensive brand clothes and numbers (I guess this refers to money, not maths XD) So the fact of appearing to be a man with a lot of money is something that probably has him obsessed, and that it has cost him a lot of sacrifice to achieve, and he may also have still debts to those investors, but he does his best to pretend that everything in life is going very very well. He won’t want his rivals, his companions, or any flirt to find out that there are things in his life that are either not going so well or have not gone well in the past. (I’m not saying he’s broke, but I mean he’s not so rich as Amanda, despite of he tries to do his best to look like that, especially because all his company investors are probably rich men of very high category, high social standards you know), basically about this Jason is a bit like Jordan in The wolf of wall street movie, in the sense of someone who started very low in the social scale and ended up climbing to the top, according to him with clean methods, but who knows if he or any of his investors actually have any illegal secrets about his finances, and I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case and Jason purposely ignored this, since he himself said in ep 5 that he didn't know how some of his workers did their jobs and that he "wasn't interested in knowing it." He said this about Danica, but I think it really implies that he applies it to everyone who works with him and for him.

His business ideology:

There is a saying in Spanish that is quite famous in the world in marketing and great finances and that can be applied perfectly to Jason to explain and summarize his behaviour in business and his way to see the life: it is said that in business you need to have a "mentalidad de tiburón" (literally have a mind like a shark), this refers to a white shark, if it doesn't move it sinks, and means this is the mentality that an ambitious man of business must follow in order not to sink and continue continuing with his goals and dreams, the mentality of a person whose main motivation is money, who does not mind jumping the limits of ethics and morality in order to achieve it.

The equivalent in English here is “wolf-like mentality”, it’s similar to what I’ve explain, but includes too the saying of “divide and conquer” and to clarify this even more to understand Jason’s character, here I add all the main points it includes, something that can perfectly fix in Jason’s character to understand him better, a very Maquiavelo-like:

This can also apply to his personal relationships (romantic ones included), this way of thinking can explain it very well too what could be other of the reasons why he feels he cannot have a long romantic relationship: because his business are the first, and also can explain why perhaps he lost the interest in women very quick, because he’s mostly focused in the mentality of immediate results and thinks maybe the other choice is a lost of time + the fear for the previous trauma about the attacked and losing someone I’ve mentioned before.

And about wolf mentality and his rivalry and work…

Now let’s talk about the matter of his rivalry with Devon.

Maybe the answer is just a simple as: Jason was just frustrated for not be able to achieve his dreams for all the stuff I’ve been wrote before, which led him to steal the project from Devon (whether it was stealing it by himself acting alone and by himself in a desperate act or because some third person manipulated and convinced him to do it), but even if those were the main reasons, I still think there's something more here we still don’t know. Something more that happened between them before or during the town hall project thing, something more personal and complex than what we've been told, or at least that there's something more here that Devon doesn't know.

Maybe could be also for envy too. Devon was a good person and didn't have to pretend to be perfect to achieve his dreams like Jason did to have friends or a romantic partner and Devon seems to had a loving and stable family, maybe they meet each other since they were teenagers, but we still have no confirmation about this, so maybe I’m wrong, the only thing we know for sure is that at least they didn’t meet each other since childhood, since Chinomiko said it on Instagram long ago. But still this doesn’t feel enough (to me at least) to explain Jason’s behaviour.

For now, I also keep other of my old theories about there is possible a third person involved in all this problem. We’ll see what’s the real answer to this question.

Although here I want to add one more point, and that is that Devon and Devenementiel curiously represent the exact opposite of Jason and Goldreamz in the business approach, the called “sheep mentality”, and these are the differences between them:

Ironically, today in the competitiveness of modernity in business, it's considered that in reality the best entrepreneurs are neither one nor the other, but a mix between both types of mentality. Does this mean that there will be a time in the future when both companies find themselves in a delicate situation and decide to collaborate in order to mutually triumph against a greater enemy (Ioann and his company, f*ck Ysa's ex boyfriend, I hope we can punch him, that Ioann is gonna be the new Debrah and main villain mark my words) by overcoming their differences? Well, only time will tell...

Now, about Ysaline-Jason:

There is the small detail that Ysaline comes from a rich family, or at least her mother became rich and famous in her work in recent years, and thanks to that Ysaline was able to do private and expensive studies abroad (and Jason clearly knows this, he's an stalker who got her number and email easily XD and other characters like Thomas and Amanda knew Ysaline's mother was rich too just searching some info about her on internet). And that may also cause some insecurity in Jason, fearing that perhaps Ysaline may be disappointed if she finds out that he's not as perfect as he seems or at least that he was not at all in his past. Maybe he even had an ex girlfriend who, after she found out that, felt disappointed about him and left him, and that made him more superficial and cautious with her subsequent love conquests, or maybe since he only get romances once he started to put on his popular guy facade and succeed, he thinks he needs to impress and seduces her in the same way he did it with other women, because he thinks she will only be seduced by him by superficial stuff like his charms, attractive, money and work. Until Ysaline shows him what she wants is really get to know him, with all his weakness, in heart, mind and body, and until he realizes he really wants to know her better just because he loves to spend time with her and she makes him happy, and we know that will happen.

I've read some theories from different people and social webs that some think that Jason wants to use Ysa's family's money to invest in his own company, but I think his intentions are not in that way, but rather:

I think also one of the reasons why he agreed to help in ep 5 her was not only to seduce her or to show her Goldreamz so that she would want to work there with him, but also because Jason is able to see her potential, since a person with her studies, her family money, all the important contacts her mother has, and with the previous experience of having worked in a big important company and who has also shown him face to face that she has a competitive and brave side, she can undoubtedly go very far, and obviously he wants her to go far having her by his side, but of course he will also have a conflict here since I don't think he is the type of person who is comfortable mixing love with business, not like Ioann, the hell with that shitty man.

Obviously he also wants to manipulate her or at least bother Devenementiel somehow with all this. The little we have seen of Danica in ep 5 is that she is someone very efficient and fast at her job, Jason saw that and brought her to his side, now Jason sees that although Ysaline has failed in one of her projects, she still has potential to become a great event organizer. He also wanted to closely observe how she works when she is motivated and has someone guide her in the right path, when she is herself, and maybe even Jason sees in her the person he was before he achieved excellence. And Ysaline has ambition, she herself told Devon in one of the previous eps (if you follow Devon's route) that she dreamed of one day becoming a big star in the world of events and had the goal of being one of the best at her job. Even in one of the dialogues you can get in ep 2, Jason asks Ysaline "Aren't you willing to do anything to achieve success?" Jason knows that they are both similar in that way, and he wants to take advantage of that.

However Ysaline not only has ambition and a competitive will, but also a certain level of morality and feeling of unity with her co-workers, boss and her family and friends. And although it is still early to assume this, it's quite possible that she is the character that represents the perfect mix between the two business ideologies, both the wolf and the sheep. I'll call that fussion "the kitten mentality" because I can.

Of course, returning to the relationships issue, one thing to try his best to seduce her and make her work for him or at least have her as an ally and briefly as lover, and something very different is what we know will happen: that he will fall in love with her and both will want more, but he will feel that he cannot and shouldn't go further.

So we have here all this matter about his fake perfect facade of rich, charming and popular man of business + his humble origins + wolf-like mentality + his trauma about the losing of his father and more people in the future. A perfect cocktail to be afraid to have a stable relationship.

Greetings to all Jason fans like me who have him as a route and loves to suffer. In this house we love traumatized fictional men with red flags.

And let's add of course there will probably be many more problems that will make him fear having a relationship with Ysaline once he falls in love with her, because problems already numbered in more than 2000 words weren't enough first because he will try to convince himself that he only wants to manipulate her so that she change sides and join to Goldreamz, and to seduce her so that she'd end up in his bed (and she maybe would believe that too), but then when he finds out he's in love with her, and she with him, Jason will have to make the decision about whether to go ahead with his revenge against Devenementiel or not, because he knows that will end up hurting her, since she could suffer if her colleagues and boss find out about her relationship with him and distrust her or if that even ruins her reputation, which is was already bad in her previous company because she slept with her previous boss, and above all because she will never forgive him and will hate him if the Devenementiel closes and all his friends and her loses their jobs because of Jason's actions. And having a relationship with him makes her feels more guilty for what happened, like believing she was part of his plans and she helped him in some way, and then she could believe she was nothing except another more of his conquers and everything was a lie (her ex-boyfriend trauma attacking again here), or at least she wasn't as important to him as she thought.

And perhaps, even if he tries to stop those actions, and not harm Devenementiel further so as not to make her harm her, perhaps, by then, it will be too late to stop those revenge plans...

So he will lose another person that he loves and wants in his life. The only person who accepted him and loved him exactly who he really is and who really knows him. His biggest fears making true, again.

but this is an otome game, guys, everything will be solved at the end and everybody will be happy, don't worry!

[yanderes-galore]

Can I get a Steven from Steven Universe Future yandere alphabet, please?

Sure! Here's what I came up with :)

Original Steven Concept I Did Here.

Yandere Alphabet - Steven Universe

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Clingy behavior, Fear of loss, Trauma/PTSD, Steven's a mess, Blood, Violence mention, Attachment issues, Jealousy, Anger issues, Manipulation, Stalking, Kidnapping, Dark themes, Poor mental health, Angst, Possessive behavior, General yandere themes, Delusional behavior, Unhealthy behavior, Forced relationship.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Steven is naturally clingy due to his past. He doesn't like leaving you so he comes off as smothering. He's used to losing others and now that he's found someone new... he doesn't want to let go.

Steven comes off as intense, even when he doesn't mean to. He just wants to cover you in hugs and kisses. He just wants to feel your warmth and not be alone again.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Steven has always been a person who wants to solve problems by talking them out. However, with his new unpredictability... there may be times he gets more violent than he'd like to be.

He feels conflicted and horrible the moment he sees blood on his hands. Yet he quickly hides it. After all... you shouldn't view him as a monster just yet, right?

He wants to enjoy you for a while longer before you leave him.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Steven would not purposefully try to mock you unless you set him off or something. He's impulsive though, which may lead to him kidnapping you without thinking things through.

Abduction would be a last ditch effort for him to not lose his darling. He cares for you the best he can all while trying to self soothe himself in your embrace. In abduction you can truly see how messed up the poor young man is.

He always asks how he can help. He denies you your freedom and quickly becomes the only thing you see. He's in denial of everything... including his toxicity.

He's been struggling to find a purpose, but when he meets you... He just knows he's needed you since he met you.

He just hopes you understand him... eventually.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He probably doesn't mean to, but it ends up happening anyways. He's so caught up in what he wants or trying to "help" and "care" for you... only to forget you really need space, not him.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He may try to hide it, but in the end he's very vulnerable with you. He struggles to be open but it ends up spilling out of him anyways. When he's vulnerable... it's almost upsetting when he holds you close and sobs.

However... he's still dangerous... and you know that.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Genuinely upset and you may set off his temper. He may fight back verbally, but even with just words... his powers can get hectic by accident.

If he ever hurt you by accident, he pauses and either isolates himself or tries to make things better again.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No and he hates it.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Well, with this one there can be a lot of candidates due to how volatile Steven can be. As I said before, he'd never mean to hurt you but he may do it by accident.

Seeing his mental breakdowns... seeing him snap at others... at some point he'll take it too far.

In a fit of desperation, he may accidentally harm you or someone close to you. You're terrified once you see his hands and the floor covered in blood. The realization of what he's done may break both of you.

The thought is unnerving... as that blood can either belong to someone you know... or you.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

In the end, somehow, Steven wants to have you two married and happy together. Yet he's so emotionally driven and plagued with trauma, that even if you tried to help him, it only hurts the both of you.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Yes. Steven has a fear of being left behind. So when he sees you turn your attention to other people, it affects him. He'll usually try to deal with it alone, often going into a depressive state and crying about it in his room.

Honestly, him just being sad is the better option. All you have to do is comfort him afterwards. Although... he is fully capable of lashing out, which would be dangerous for anyone around him. We've seen in Future how he gets.

Left unchecked and someone may get hurt.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Obsessive, Clingy, Affectionate, Manipulative, Controlling, Needy, Volatile, Possessive, Intimidating, Caring, Smothering.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Pulling from my older concept, you two most likely met after he left home to have a fresh start. You offer to be his friend, to help him, and he ends up feeling attached. However... soon friendship turns into more than friendship.

He wants you to be lovers, to be married, to support him.

He's moving too fast with his feelings which causes issues for both of you. He stresses out over the fact you don't feel the same and worries you'll leave him. He doesn't want to lose you...

So it seems he must prevent that somehow.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Well, he's not really trying to mask anything. He may try to hide his darker nature... but you'll find out eventually.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

He doesn't like hurting you, the only times he does is by accident. So your punishment may be something like... forcing you by his side or something like that. Isolation punishes him too, so he'll do the opposite.

He'll use his powers to chain you to his side until he knows you won't leave him.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Most of them if it meant he wouldn't be left behind.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

I like to think at first he's really patient... but as he gets worse and worse... he's impatient.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Honestly, if anything bad happened to you, he'd snap. Like... monster Steven snap.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

A little and maybe.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Childhood trauma. One of the main things dealt with in Future.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Steven is used to helping. He'd do whatever he can to see you happy again. Sometimes he's even unaware that he could be the one causing it due to his delusions. He'll hold you close, kiss your head, and just stay beside you. He hates it when you're upset.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

SKIPPED

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Get this man the help he needs, put up boundaries, and probably get the poor man a therapist. He'll be much easier to manage. (Also he just really needs help.)

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Unintentionally, afterwards he panics and tries to fix things.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Steven may actually be a worship yandere at times. There's times he's just so grateful that you want to help him and he just wants to keep you forever. He'd do anything to have you. Just so he can keep your warmth all to himself.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Anything from months to a couple years.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Not on purpose.

[snoocupz]

okay I'm a sucker for a rare pair and even more for a rare pair ot3...pls propagandize me im very curious :0

Hi! Oh my god, that makes me SO happy! I never expect my little shipart to get this much attention - let alone have people like the ship and wanting me to talk about it!

I wasn't sure whether I want to share my whole headcanons about them getting together yet or not, and decided to instead collect some headcanons about these 3 that I love! So here;

My little collection on Klapolloquill headcanons! 🩷

- Simon and Klavier have briefly been friends before Simon went to jail. Klavier, as a new and young prosecutor, desperately seeked contact in the office and loved Simons style from the start. Dark clothes, an interest for music and an ex bass player - all while still being somewhat of a nerd abour psychology & birds. He had tried to build up an active friendship to him - unfortunately it was cut short due to Simon admitting to murderer and going to jail. (Klavier should feel this pain again in the following years as not only his best friend Daryan, but also brother go to jail).

- Once finally free past Dual Destinies Apollo and Simon build up some sort of friendship thanks to Athena. Quickly they realise they were mistaken about each others characters and after a whole they start to bond on a deeper level due to the trauma they had experienced... mostly because of Apollo losing Clay, and Simon losing Bobby. (Bonus angst points if Claypollo and Blackbright were secretly canon and they bond over the loss of their ex lovers).

- Klapollo starts dating first. Klavier had feelings for Apollo early on after meeting him, but it took a lot of time and change for them to finally get together.

- Klavier, however, is also the one who is self aware about being Polyam. He previously had crushes on more than one person at the same time and once time passes and he builds up the friendship to Simon he wanted to have he eventually starts crushing on him. Hard.

- He confesses his crush to Apollo, fearing the worst. It is a huge insecurity of his and he doesn't get it across without tears and apologies, clarifying how much he loves Apollo as well, just to be... very perplexed about how calmly Apollo takes it. In fact, Apollo starts gently teasing Klavier about his obvious crush. He finds him adorable, blushing when looking at Simon like this. Apollo is ultimately the one who convinces Klavier to ask Simon out.

- Unknowingly Simon has a little crush on Apollo anyways. This young defense attorney shines brighter than any sun, he is smart, pretty, such a gentle and stronger soul than he believes of himself. Simon enjoys himself around the both of them, so endlessly much, and with passing time Simon feels lovable again, after prison and losing Bobby (the only person that made him feel lovable before).

- Eventually all 3 shyly allow themselves to get closer. Especially Klavier with his gigantic crush on Simon can hardly believe it everytime he gets to sit between both of them on the couch. Just having his knee slightly touch Simons makes his head spin and they keep smiling at each other more when passing each other on the prosecutor halls.

- And hey! Who would have thought! They fall in love! Each of them, with one another. And in fact, their ideas of love fit together perfectly. All 3 of them long for nothing more but a calm, domestic lifestyle.

- What that looks like...? Easy. A cozy apartment, many plants, falling asleep cuddling, with one cat and one dog at the side. Breakfast on the balcony as Klavier slurps his vanilla latte, Simon makes them eggs, and Apollo tries to stop Taka from stealing bacon straight from his bagel.

- Mikeko (Apollos cat) adores Simon. No day passes where this cat doesn't chose to sit on his legs or lap. Whenever the cat chooses him, Simon is careful to not move a single inch. May she rest as long as she wants to!

- Taka (Simons hawk) adores Apollo. After being afraid of her for months (sorry, Taka has always been female in my brain LMAO) Apollo realises that she is not only well behaved but also seeks active contact to him. Simon falls even more in love with him when seeing Apollo feed the bird on the balcony and daring to pat her feathery head.

- Vongole (first Kristophs, then Klaviers dog) is the most sweetest girl of girls. Greeting all of them with enthusiasm and DEMANDING to sleep in the bed at all times, she won each of their hearts and can be considered the true Queen of the house!

- However, it can be complicated to cuddle, ESPECIALLY if you are Simon Blackquill, and a living cuddle sized heater. He must always sleep in the middle automatically as Apollo loves to rest his head on his chest while Klavier has the most freeziest hands in the history of forever. And yes, he will randomly warm his hands under Simons shirt at every possible moment.

- Funnily enough, their household works very smoothly together. Apollo cooks at most, but his desk easily looks like it explodes after one use. He keeps leaving things around and forgetting about them. Simon cleans, and he has no issue cleaning after Apollo at times. Klavier is the one to take the dog and plan their dates, and no date has ever been dissapointing, he's fantatsic at planning them!

So at most! This ship is really fluffy and comforting in my eyes, so here are some random thoughts on them! Thanks for listening to me rambling! <3

[ithaquasbbg]

Hello I hope you are doing well!

I wanted to request some Joseph x reader headcanons!

I was wondering what you would think would happen if Joseph's s/o didn't exactly agree with camera world/him wanting to be immortal? because it obviously seems like he is striving to especially immortalize his loved ones. do you think his fear of death would cause problems in the relationship or anything else would arise due to this? (you can put this as yandere or not depending on how you interpret it. srry if you don't do yan I couldnt find your rules.)

thank you whether or not you decide to do this!

take care!

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Yoooo thanks for the Joseph request I love my George Washington knockoff 🫶 /j

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Joseph with a reader who dislikes the photo world ~ Headcanons

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Tw : paranoia, mentions of murder (Joseph’s camera world), dependency, trauma mentions

Extra : I didn’t go full “yandere” route partially because that’s not how I see jos, but I did play on him being a little possessive and desperate

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|🎀| Joseph is a man heavily influenced by the loss he has experienced throughout his life, and he couldn’t bear to lose you like everyone else, hence, he shares the concept of the photo world with you

|🎀| But when you make your intentions clear you have no interest in being preserved, his anxiety ramps up tenfold, though he’ll try his best to avoid showing it.

|🎀| Quickly becomes more protective of you, because he knows that he cannot keep you safe in his photo realm, no matter how much he may want to.

|🎀| Thankfully (for the both of you)- it’s quite hard to actually pass in the manor, though Joseph’s irrationality would get in the way of that fact.

|🎀| Joseph would probably be hurt by the fact that you don’t support his efforts to preserve the lives of others for two reasons. The first is that he is genuinely blinded by his trauma and believes he’s doing what’s best for everyone, and that it would be the best for you. The second reason is that he’s terrified you’d see him as a murderer and leave him like many other people had done in the past.

|🎀| He’s always been plagued with nightmares, though after the confrontation, he’d have more and more frequent nightmares, specifically of losing you and being unable to do anything, like what happened to Claude.

|🎀| Joseph may want to immortalize you, though he couldn’t bring himself to betray your trust. He has lacked a sense of security in his life since he was young, and you provide him that security he so desperately seeks out.

|🎀| If you return from a match injured, he’d be quick to find out who it was and shoot them no small amount of looks.

|🎀| That is.. after panicking over you of course.

|🎀| If it’s a little injury, such as a scrape or some bruising, Joseph would likely be a little tense and immediately try and bring up the idea of the photo world again, and would become dejected when the idea is declined.

|🎀| But if it’s a large injury, something severe, he’d be inconsolable, panicking and trying to get your permission for him to photograph you.

|🎀| The worst is when you’re sick, especially after the whole photo world debacle. Joseph is very self sacrificing by nature, and would destroy his own already frail health in an attempt to help you.

|🎀| However, there’s always the chance he’s gone against your wishes (if he got desperate enough) and taken your photo anyways, that way he could save you if you needed it.

[argisthebulwark]

You've walked through fire, let me tend your scars.

summary: Time passes and healing occurs but for some of us, trauma still sneaks up. Snippets about some of my favorite Skyrim men reacting to their significant other experiencing triggers due to an abusive prior relationship. gn reader, no pronouns or y/n used. featuring: Farkas, Brynjolf, Vilkas, Miraak, Erandur warnings: explicit depictions of triggers, PTSD, and direct allusions to past abuse. These are all based on my personal experiences as an abuse survivor, please do not read if you feel this could be triggering or upsetting to you in any way. original request from this ask!

Farkas was shocked by your reaction - you'd flinched. His hand froze in midair, laughter dying as he worked through the last few moments. He'd intended to pat you on the shoulder, a friendly gesture after you'd shared a laugh over his story. He noticed the way you curled away from him and refused to meet his gaze, the nervous flush in your cheeks. He'd never seen you have an issue being touched before - it was the gesture, he realized. You'd flinched from Farkas raising his hand. He retracted, stomach roiling at the thought. To see you cower away from him made Farkas sick with worry. He didn't say a word as he exited Jorrvaskr, relieved to feel you at his side. He stared up at the stars while you explained your past, each story confirming his worst fears. He fought down the reactive instinct to hunt down whoever had harmed you. He waited, allowing you to reach out for him before daring to touch you again. Farkas would quickly learn to maneuver around anything that triggered you without bringing it up. He would always remember how painful it was to discuss that first time, intending to never put you through such a conversation again. He wanted to be a beacon of love for you, the one you sought out for comfort. He'd go to the ends of the earth to ensure you never feared him. "I'll be more careful." He'd vow, forehead pressed to yours. "I will never make you feel like that again."

Brynjolf knew he got a bit rowdy after a few drinks but it was a night of revelry! You'd made it back alive and he never intended to lose you again. Ale flowed and platters of food disappeared as the group of thieves spent their evening in the Flagon laughing and swapping tales. When their glasses raised and shouted a cheers in your name he expected you to laugh or brush them off, your deadly silence was out of character. Your body was rigid, blood draining from your face. He felt you shrink away from him, eyes staring far off in the distance. You looked ready to disappear. Brynjolf leaned closer, all mirth gone at the unsettling expression on your face. "What's wrong, love?" He murmured, stunned by the unfocused look in your eye. "Nothin'." You lied to him, gulping. "Just, I cant - the noise -" Brynjolf's heart broke at the exhaustion in your tone, the sheer fear he heard. You'd shared bits and pieces of what your last relationship but noise was new, he'd never encountered this reaction before. Through the haze of drink he knew his only mission was to get you somewhere you felt safe. "We're headin' home for the night, lads. If I have another drink I'm liable to keel over." Brynjolf wrapped a protective arm over your shoulders, paying extra mind to his volume. "Enjoy the victory on our behalf." His words left no room for argument, offering a much needed escape. In the quiet of your home he waited, seated on the floor to give you space. Brynjolf allowed your shaky fingers to mindlessly braid his hair while your mind unwound, flipping through some ledger as he waited. Brynjolf would become vigilant, regular check-ins with you becoming part of his schedule. He considered himself lucky that thieves were a quiet bunch but would never fully let his guard down. He had an escape plan for every room you entered, excuses prepared in case you needed a quick out. "You're always safe with me, love. I'll make 'em all whisper if that's what you need."

Vilkas had never regretted anything more than that one moment. Your eyes pinned him in place, a hateful glare he'd never received before burning at his skin. "Don't fucking touch me." You snarled, wrenching your hand out of his. He couldn't believe how cold your fingers were. "My love -" That glare crumbled at his voice and he watched you dissolve, swallowing the terror that threatened to choke him. "I can't Vilkas. I - I, oh gods." You gasped, tears streaming down your flushed face. "I'm so sorry." "Don't apologize." He didn't move, watching you shrink away from him like a wounded animal. You mumbled apologies into the hands clasped to your face, watery eyes never straying from him. Vilkas wanted to reach out but knew better, hands wringing uselessly at his sides. "You have nothing to apologize for." He couldn't stand the sight of you so obviously in pain but remained still. Fear left his heart racing in his chest, terrified of hurting you again. He asked for no explanation, waiting patiently as he observed the ways you soothed yourself. It felt wrong to sit there but he knew what your reaction meant, the words you'd danced around saying for so long. Your jittery fingers were petting the wrist he'd grabbed as if trying to brush off the sensation of being touched. Vilkas forced himself to watch, to memorize every little reaction so he could help in the future. He would never make that mistake again. He would catalogue anything that hinted at your discomfort, threatening violence upon any that dared to put their hands on you. "I will tear them to shreds. With your permission, of course my Harbinger. Just say the word."

Miraak had never known a rage like the one that burned through him in that moment, white hot and suffocating. His fingers ghosted over the scars, sickened by the tension in your body. He knelt before you, each touch so tender when he cupped your face. The fear in your eyes only fueled his bloodlust, the all consuming need to hunt down whoever had inflicted such pain. "Who did this to you?" He murmured, each word carefully measured. Your eyes were already watering and he refused to add to that fear, thumbs tracing across your cheeks. "Miraak," you rolled your eyes at him, blinking back the threat of tears. He clenched his jaw against the vitriol threatening to spill from his tongue. All of his fury would be reserved, unleashed only on whoever had left such scars on his beloved. "Who hurt you?" Miraak wrapped you in his robes, gently wiping at your tears. He burned with a deep need for violence but restrained himself - your comfort came above all else. When you finally rested he held you in his arms, kissing the scars that broke his heart. Miraak would ruin whatever stood in his path to find who had harmed you. He would not rest until the world was cleansed of their presence, promising only happiness to the person he'd waited lifetimes for. "Their pain will be repaid tenfold, my beloved. They will not know another moment of peace."

Erandur always panicked when he felt you jolt upright in the middle of the night. With clammy skin and wild eyes you gasped for air, unconsciously creating distance from him. Guilt at his inability to act still nagged at Erandur but he'd learned the hard way to give you time. You clutched blankets to your chest and he paid close attention to the way your breathing slowed, growing less ragged with each minute that passed. He'd grown accustomed to your nightmares. Over time it became easier to discern how to help - when to offer a grounding touch and when you needed space. Placing one careful hand on your back he waited, opening himself without saying a word. When you collapsed into him Erandur's heart broke. It pained him to hear broken sobs as you curled into his chest, drawing loopy patterns in your sweaty skin. He wished to do more but this was your direct instruction, to simply be there for you. He knew how terrifying nightmares could be and offered himself for your comfort, whispering quiet prayers to Mara against your skin. "I would take them all for myself if I could, dearest. I am sorry I cannot take them from you."

[fantasylover145]

Whilst, I'm glad that Bobby is going to come face to face with one of the survivors of what happened to his family and see Eddie actually grieve and get closure, we've dealt with Bobby and his grief for the last six or so seasons. Plus, we had an entire season of Eddie going to therapy and getting better, I'm just kinda sad to see more Eddie angst, i just want him happy. And I love Eddie and I am glad he will finally deal with his grief and get closure, stop looking at the past with rose coloured glasses and move forward to have healthier and happier relationships. Despite this storyline really creeping me out a little, it's still vital for his health and recovery.

However, I honestly want more main storylines to focus on Chimney, Athena and Hen. I feel like they give a lot of the big long storylines to the white main characters (Maddie, Bobby & Buck). I definitely do want Buck to have a breakdown after all the shit that he has been through, but it looks like we're never going to get that. Since the writers always brush off his trauma like it doesn't matter, just so they can put him through more. I want him to get the therapy he actually needs and focus on his passive suicidal and self harm tendencies due to his childhood emotional neglect. Buck needs to actually deal with how he feels like he has to keep giving pieces of his body away to feel worthy and that if he isn't doing something for someone he's worthless, since he was born to save people, which could really affect how he views his relationships as conditional. Also, I would love a possible ADHD diagnosis storyline that would be amazing, since that would be so important to show people getting diagnosed later on in life and the negative affects that can have on them, their relationships and their health.

But mainly, I want to see more of Athena dealing with the trauma that comes with the job, how the kidnapping of Harry affected her, her grief and devastation of losing her first love. I'm so glad we got to see her finding out what happened to that little girl, but we need more storylines focused on her. I loved that storyline where she was finding the rapist, how badass she was, but also the terror, the fear and intensity. Hated that she got hurt, that will always be one of the most painful moments for me.

But I need it to focus on her not on Bobby and how Bobby felt about her going back to work, I hated when he lied to her and sympathised with a women who purposely drove drunk with her child in the back and then basically said it was payback for not discussing returning to work. Also, I want to see her adjusting to her job and the new intense fear she has of losing her kids, her calling them because she had a nightmare or as soon as she hears about a child being kidnapped because she needs the reassurance that they are okay. I need more of Athena going on her journey with therapy. Moreover, I want her to heal and I would love to show her and Bobby connecting over losing the first love of their lives and her remembering him.

Furthermore, I need more of Hen actually dealing with the traumatic stuff that happens to her at work. They put Hen through not ONE but TWO separate occasions of different people dying and her being accused of wrongdoings because of it and it not being her fault. We got one ep of her dealing with the car crash in therapy but that was it?! And then they brought up old wounds with that guy dying at the scene after he refused care and people made her think it was her fault AGAIN and we're supposed to move on?! Like neither of those were her fault, I wish they made it clearer to her. I wish Chimney stood by her more because he was the only one that actually saw everything and KNEW the patient refused care and that you can't force it on them. I wish we got to see her struggle with trusting her judgement more and how that trauma affected her. Her dealing with that in therapy, her thinking maybe it's a pattern. Also, I'd like to see her dealing with how she got shot when she was younger, her relating to both Eddie and Bobby and how that changed her life.

I fucking hate that they are forcing everyone to forgive their shitty family. So I really want to see more of how Chimney grew up, if he stayed with the Lee's whilst his mother was going through cancer treatment, what he felt when he realised his father completely abandoned his mother to die alone, how he probably felt like an orphan. I want to see how his dad could possibly make up for all of that, I want Chimney to get the space he deserves to say decades worth of anger and resentment and have his dad actually listen, more than we already have. I'm so glad he wasn't at the wedding but I'm sad Albert wasn't, I wish we got to see more of how similar Albert and Chim are. I find it so hilarious that they are both terrible liars, I wish we got more brotherly bonding moments and maybe Chimney helping Albert find his place in the world, even if it's not firefighting.

I love Bobby but honestly after him having SEVEN seasons of basically the same storyline over and over again, I am a bit tired of it. I know it's realistic and shows a natural progression of grief, trauma, addiction recovery and finding new triggers. I'm not saying it's not important or trying to devalue the storyline, but there are also other really important stories that could be told, especially with the main poc characters! The others don't get as much recognition and they so deserve everything and more!! They don't get to grieve over SEVEN seasons for the loved ones they have lost, they don't get the same treatment and I wish they would.

[ultraericthered]

Another King Magnifico Post

A common criticism of Wish is that King Magnifico, like pretty much every character in the film, doesn't seem to have any solid motivation driving his actions in the story, and that the backstory we're given doesn't sufficiently set up any such motivation. I partially agree, but partially disagree. It's not that motivation for Magnifico's villainy isn't there in the story, it's that the presentation of it in the movie that fails because ironic enough for a simple fairy tale, they overcomplicate it.

King Magnifico's motivations, made simple:

Keep his crown, his power, and his iron-fisted control over Rosas and the system of wishes he created so that he may continue to make his own wishes come true, even if at the expense of all other wishes, and his people's reverence of him and dependence on him endures.

King Magnifico's motivations post-forbidden magic book:

Still that, but with the added feature of him being so drunk on power that he wants to take and break wishes, along with Star itself, to add to that power with which he'll quell any dissent to his rule and re-subjugate the dissenters, and in this state of mind, he would rather see his kingdom razed to the ground than relinquish that power.

King Magnifico as seen in the movie:

Safeguard all wishes in Rosas because he sincerely believes in the value of wishes due to his tragic backstory, so that THAT will never happen again and no one in the kingdom he built will suffer the sort of trauma and heartbreak that he did...but he's a little too tight with how he asserts his control, is too paranoid, biased, close-minded and self-interested in how he judges which wishes to grant and which ones to not grant, hoards so many ungranted wishes away for their magical blessings, and doesn't simply return the wishes he won't grant because reasons, possibly because he fears pulling away that carrot on a stick would disillusion people with him and he'd lose his relevence, attention, adulation, and respect. 'Cause he's a malignant narcissist who is so comically in love with his own self-image that he has a God Complex/Savior Complex that makes him more arrogant and power-hungry, don'tchya know. But he also loves his wife, wants to protect her too, and will trust her judgment when she advises him to not go to extremes...except when he doesn't. And when Star is in Rosas spreading a new magical power that isn't his, Asha acts out in rebellion against his rule and system, and the people all start to question him rather than give him the blind respect, adoration, and complacency he feels so entitled to, he spirals into madness and villainy to the point of opening up the forbidden magic book...which drives him to madness and villainy even more, and once he's drunk on this power and learns that breaking wishes enhances it, he wants to break wishes and add Star itself to his power and make everyone all sad and disspirited forever with no more wishes so that they'll stop resisting and he can oppress them without consequence. Because he's evil, has lost all good in him, and nothing about the character that was set up in the first half of the story really matters anymore.

Where was I? Oh yeah!

Had the movie shared a fuller account of Magnifico's backstory with us at the very beginning, and then alluded to it at only a few key points in the story to clearly link how Magnifico presently percieves something and feels about something with what happened in his past that set him down his path to becoming the bad man he is now, and otherwise just played straight the simplified motivations of the first two paragraphs up there, his characterization and descent into full-on villainy would've been all the stronger and easier to follow for it.

[daz4i]

please please please share dazai fear analysis 🤲

hehe well i'm not gonna get too in depth (mostly bc my brain isn't at 100% atm) but a short version bc i don't wanna leave you hanging,

i'm basing this on no longer human and yozo, like most of my dazai analysis hehe. in nlh he talks often about how painfully afraid he is of p much everything, because he doesn't understand people, and he doesn't want to get caught if he does anything wrong, too afraid to say no because he doesn't know how the other person will react, etc

i think. if you apply this reading to bsd dazai, a lot of his behavior makes sense, as well as adds depth to him and his more questionable actions

a p obvious example: the whole meursault arc, i think he is genuinely afraid to die, because he knows if he does then fyodor will come out on top and hurt his loved ones, destroy the whole world even. clearly, he is afraid of losing the people dear to him (but that's a very normal reaction lbr lol)

a general example: his constant acting like everything is fine to hide his real emotions - which, during his early mafia days, took form in looking blank and emotionless - can be a fear response of not knowing how other people will react to his true feelings, either due to past trauma where his emotions were dismissed or he got hurt for expressing them, or imo, more likely, due to a lack of understanding other people and not quite knowing what'll tick them off

(which might sound silly, bc he purposely ticks people off and looks to annoy people. but, this is a way to have control over the situation. that if the other person gets mad at him, he clearly knows why, he knows what he did to cause this, so this is like a precautionary measure to make sure he's not caught off guard. his fear isn't quite of their anger, or even getting hurt by their anger, but rather a lack of control or understanding of the situation)

a possibly controversial example: the way he acted with akutagawa during the dark era. i think, if you look at his actions as "basically a kid who is afraid to see this kid he found get hurt in combat, so he tries to make him stronger no matter what, and in the meantime is afraid to get attached in case the other kid does die so he tries to distance himself from him emotionally" it ofc doesn't excuse his actions, but imo, makes them. a bit more understandable, in a way. at least enough to somewhat empathize with him more

[this might be a slight side tangent but i have this hc i firmly believe in, that dazai caused ryuu's lung disease by injuring him somehow (given how he doesn't have it in the beast universe), and one of the reasons he's more gentle with atsushi is because he's afraid to hurt him too. not the main reason, but i do think it may add some depth here]

i do think he eased up after being in the ada for awhile - life became mostly predictable, nothing he couldn't handle - but. things changed, and now he's on edge again (turning you to story's lovely analysis that i keep referencing in a lot of my own dazai analysis bc it's so so good). fyodor coming back into his life certainly didn't help, either

now. since i can't not bring up his relationship with chuuya. i do think he has an easier time trusting chuuya because he knows he can handle himself. he doesn't feel the need to control him - always leaving him a choice in their plans - because he's not afraid of what could happen to him, he knows chuuya will be fine. also, their relationship started in such an awful way he doesn't need to hide his emotions around him :P this is why i think he has an easier time being with chuuya really, he's a momentary break from being in constant fear. this might also be why he's so obnoxious when chuuya's around lmao (idk how much of this is actual analysis rather than "if you read them this way it adds a nice depth" so feel free to take this part with a grain of salt, i will always be the first to admit i'm not the best at reading skk hehe)

and while i didn't finish sb yet he does seem to be. really afraid in a lot of the scenes he's in, from what i read so far askjdfg bc now chuuya is in real danger! in a way he can't predict! this hasn't happened yet! (but i could ofc bc very wrong abt that lol)

(also i gotta say. i think this is what odasaku was for him too - ofc in addition to other things - bc he knows odasaku wouldn't hurt him or react in a bad way even if he did anything outrageous. and that's in part what made his rejection in beast so devastating for him, bc it shakes up one of the only safe things in his life)

i'd say, dazai's fear isn't paralyzing, at least not for more than a second a time. it makes him active, makes him overthink, over-analyze, over-prepare. and at the same time, he does it mostly from behind the scenes, through nudging and subtle encouragements, because he may possibly fear that if he went at it with full force, the people he already got attached to will reject him (bc at his core, i think he doesn't want to be alone, but that's a topic for another time). but more importantly - that he will become like fyodor, or like mori, who see people as disposable if it helps them further their goals

^now this is more of his current self, at least. i'd argue mafia!dazai's fears were different, more of a direct fear from people and how they might hurt him, so it's best for him to go along with what they say. and, a fear of a lack of meaning. he does constantly look for a reason to live, and that may come from a fear that his existence is truly meaningless (and while for most people this fear may express itself as fearing death as well, in dazai's case it's his suicidal tendencies. kind of like proving his fear is real, the way a kid might look at the monster they think is scary to convince themselves it can't hurt them. he will die and prove his existence WAS meaningless, but that idea can't actually hurt him at the end of the day if he chooses it. idk if this analogy makes sense to anyone but me tho lmao sorry)

i. don't know how clear this is. i may have lost the plot there at some point. again let me clarify this is obviously not a "this is how dazai is and any other reading is wrong" but more like "if you apply this reading it changes the context of his characters and explains his behavior and how i personally see him". also a lot of projection 👍 ajsdfghj feel free to see it as just a thought experiment if it doesn't quite fit your perception of him :)!

[the-andromeda-effect]

20

TW - abuse mention, violence mention, injury mention, mental trauma, ptsd

Caliban had taken many women to his bed the first night he’d met them, and that was the only night they’d spent together.  Some he’d dated for a while before becoming sexual.  None of those had ever brought about the conflict that he currently felt with Adira as she returned to the bathroom to finish changing.  It was not that there was not the physical desire for her, or that he knew that it would be far more than one night with her, but rather that the physical was so far less important at the moment than making sure that she felt safe and secure mentally and emotionally.  The other could wait, and he would wait, because he knew how wounded she was in all ways. He did not want to add to that in any way; certainly not if there was a chance of losing the way she looked at him by rushing or pushing for anything.  Whenever her eyes and his met, there was something that he could not describe within them, something that awoke a part of him that hadn’t been touched before, and he was finding he liked it.  

When Adira was once more behind a closed door, she leaned against it, holding the PJ pants to her as her heart thudded within her chest.  She had no idea what had made her so bold as to walk over to Caliban like that and just assume he would welcome her touch upon his bare skin and her help in disrobing.  It hadn’t been until she had actually been in the act of doing it that her brain had kicked in.  By then it had been too late and the only thing she felt she could do was continue, and now she was thankful that she had.  Just his initial response of covering her forearms and hands with his own had almost made her knees give way in relief and also a warm and safe sensation that had flooded her whole body.  She craved him in a way that she had never craved Mircea, in a way that she couldn’t even put into words. It wasn't blind lust, it was something deeper. 

From the day that she had met Mircea, she had known that they would be married.  It was why her father had introduced them.  Also from that day, she had alway tried to garner his approval, to please him, to make him proud, to elicit praise.  He had at least pretended in the beginning to be somewhat fond of her and that her efforts were more than enough.  The lack of overt affection understandable due to theirs being an arranged marriage, but it was one he seemed to desire, something that still confused her with how things eventually went.  However, the longer their relationship went, the more it was obvious that she was not who he wanted and that her efforts would never achieve the results that she hoped for.  She had still tried, no matter how many times she failed to live up to standards he seemed to change on a whim.  Up until the day she had been kidnapped, she had relentlessly tried.

Caliban was completely different from Mircea in every conceivable way.  One could say that their marriage was no less arranged than hers with Mircea had been.  It was not built on love, but an agreement to provide for her and keep her safe.  The difference was that even in the beginning of her relationship with Mircea she had not felt as safe and secure with him, nor had she felt as accepted.  Then there was something about the way that she felt when she was held in Caliban’s arms, the way just his voice calmed any fear or anxiety in her, the look in his eyes when he looked at her, his gentle and soothing touch when she was upset or hurting - it was all so new to her;  at the same time, it was like what she had always been looking for in the past, but never found.  

It was in wondering how he had not found a wife previously, with everything he had already shown her of who he was, that Adira came upon the thought that made her stomach turn: what if there were other women he was in a relationship with when he had saved her?  Could she do that again?  Could her heart take other women also being in a relationship from someone other than Mircea?  If there were, could she even do a fake marriage?  Her breath caught and her heart burned at the thought.

By the time that Adira finally opened the door again, Caliban had started to worry if things were okay with her.  The room had been too quiet, and she had seemed to be in there too long.  He had to keep reminding himself not to rush her.  Patience was never one of his virtues, but he knew that if he wanted to unwrap the delicate gift that was the true nature of the woman he now called his wife, he was going to have to learn some.  There was something about her that made him confident that whatever new skills he might have to learn or test he might feel like he was enduring, in the end, it would be worth it.

“Is everything alright?” He finally asked as she silently crossed over to the bed and began to place her jeans in the bag that he had brought up for her.  She hadn’t looked at him when she came out of the bathroom, nor even when he spoke to her, and this concerned him.  Before she’d gone back in, they’d once again been affectionate with one another and she’d seemed to be relaxing.  Had she had another panic attack of sorts?  

Still not looking at him, Adira’s voice came out soft and stuttered, “I hadn’t thought to ask before if…” She paused, gathering the courage to say what had come to her mind as she realized how much she was attracted to Caliban. It was as if the question was stuck in her throat, refusing to come out.  There was a fear of hearing the answer once it did.

“If what, sweetheart?” Calban asked cautiously, as head cantered.  He had heard the hesitation and nerves in her voice.   He pushed off of the dresser he’d been leaning against to walk over to her.  There was definitely something wrong, but he couldn’t figure out what could have changed in just a few minutes.  

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, her head still bowed as if looking down into her bag.  “If you had…someone you were with..you know, when you..we...”  As she let her breath out, she steeled herself for the answer.  Her hands had balled to fists around the clothing she was holding, as if that would somehow protect her from the answer hurting her.  She had known many men who would be with multiple women simultaneously.  It wasn’t like she was naive to the way the world of rich and powerful men who looked like him operated.  Even those who were married often had more than one girlfriend on the side besides their wife. This was often the life wives of family heads led.

So that was the issue that had suddenly come to bother her.  The tension Caliban had been feeling waiting to hear what had upset her faded instantly.   He was glad her back was to him because he could not keep the devilish smirk off of his face.  Not that he was laughing at her, far from it; no, he was delighted that the beauty was concerned that she might have competition for his affection.  To him that meant that she too was starting to feel something for him in the same way he was for her.  Otherwise she wouldn’t care if he was in a relationship with someone else while being fake married to her.  Being fake married to Adira seemed to get better every time he turned around, and now he was going to have at least two weeks secluded with her in a mountain cabin.  Who knew what could happen then?

“And it would bother you if I did?”  The shaky inhale of breath after his question gave him his answer, just before his arms wrapped around her from behind.  She couldn't hide the slight tremble in her body from him, a tremble that he hoped his next words would quell.   Placing his chin on her shoulder, he let his warm breath fan across her neck with his next words, “my darling wife, if there had been, the moment I slipped that ring on your finger they no longer existed.”  He gently kissed the crook of her neck and continued, “there is now, and from now on always will be, only you, unless it is you who wants things otherwise between us.”  Caliban was never one to share a woman, nor did he expect a woman to share him.

As much as his words comforted her, she also felt like they were too good to be real. “Are you sure that you can be happy that way?” Adira was afraid to even hope, even if she prayed, to a god she had long since stopped believing in, that it was true.  She was under no illusion that Mircea had ever been faithful in their marriage, even from the beginning.  He’d always blamed her; of course it was her failure as a wife that led him to have to find others.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”  He kept his chin on her shoulder and laced his fingers with hers now that she’d covered his hands with her own.  Every time he thought he’d figured out how much damage that Mircea had done, something more was revealed.  There was no doubt the coming days and weeks would reveal more, and he would try his best never to repeat those wounds.  If he could, he would instead heal them.  

“Well,I…I don’t know.  I just know that no matter what I tried, I was never enough for Mi-” Suddenly Caliban’s hand was over her mouth, cutting her off as she felt herself fully pulled back against him.  Her eyes closed, her breathing stilled, and she waited for the pain.  Pain always came after the wrong things were said.  Hopefully Caliban would not be as brutal as Mircea had been.  She still ached from being dragged by Kondrat and the abuse in that basement.

banners by: @cafekitsune

[animeyanderelover]

Here are the Gintama Hc’s as promised. You actually did surprise me, I was 100% sure that under the 5 requested characters would be Shinsuke.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, manipulation, guilt-tripping, sabotage, gaslighting, stalking, sadism, paranoia, threats, bullying, violence, abduction, death,

Yandere Gintama Hc's

Sakata Gintoki

🍨He lazes around a lot and is known to get excited to see random beautiful women. Chances are that he brushes his initial feelings off as something similar for his darling. He doesn’t take his emotions seriously and hangs around you with this conviction. It takes him a good while before he realizes that this might be more than a random crush and that’s when Gintoki suddenly pulls back. He’s suddenly scared. His whole ridiculous personality is a way to cope with his trauma and he feels insecure all of a sudden, isn’t sure if he wants to risk love. All of a sudden Gintoki is more distant and unsure around you, sometimes even downright rude and sadistic with his remarks he makes. He’s aware at one point and is even more afraid of his darker emotions, tries to make himself as unattractive as he can so his darling leaves him before anything can happen. He could never make you happy after all. He’s broke, lazy and doubts in his capacity to protect those he loves after Shoyo’s death.

🍨Gintoki is heartbroken though whenever he has to push you away even if he tries to hide it behind his childish facade. Sometimes he appears to be more thoughtful and serious though, a distant look in his eyes. Desperate attempts to push you out of his mind fail miserably and instead he has a whiplash effect. The more he tries to forget you, the more you consume his mind and his heart hurts with longing he knows he shouldn’t have. Gintoki is due to his past trauma extremely protective and most likely ends up weaseling his way somehow back to you even if just via stalking. He can’t really forgive himself for his mistakes of the past nor for his obsession but he could never accept his darling getting hurt either if he can prevent it. Whilst the silver-haired male might appear dumb sometimes, he’s actually quite good if he decides to manipulate you. He’s just not the type you’d expect it from and does it so discreetly with his comments and behavior that you barely notice.

🍨There’s a possessive side inside of the former Joui rebel, something Gintoki tries to tone down as much as he can. Jealousy ends up being a way where he lets his lingering emotions shine through since he slips up. Admittedly, he often ends up acting more like a bratty child than a grown man but that is because he doesn’t want his s/o to realize initially that he likes them nor does he want them to see his less childish side. He’s sarcastic, blunt and downright ridicules someone, is occasionally even petty enough to bring Kagura and Shinpachi along since chaos will be ensured and so it doesn’t look like he’s the only one acting strange. In an established relationship he acts differently, not shy to throw an arm around you, be more touchy and give the other person a forced smile, asking who they might be and not sparing them from his sarcasm. He sometimes still acts like a damn whiny child though who ridicules himself and the other person too.

🍨He was called White Yaksha for a reason and looking into the Anime, he snaps when someone seriously harms his s/o. He just loves you so goddamn much, feels occasionally like he doesn’t even deserve you due to dwelling insecurities and fears to be traumatized somehow again. His district is a wild one, Gintoki knows that. There are certain ruffians lurking around corners. He usually threatens people with showing them a bit of his strength and skills which might just be enough to scare them, not to mention that you’re loved by all his friends too. If someone actually hurts his darling, Gintoki loses his shit for a while. He’s deadly silent and just attacks without a word. Chances are that he’s completely blinded by his rage, can’t think clearly and if his opponent is strong and skilled enough, they might manage to flee somehow even if not unharmed. Gintoki is not vengeful but this is one of few times where he itches for revenge.

🍨Being a part of it and being the unofficial fourth member of Odd Jobs means that you can fight in your very own ways. He doesn’t want to disrespect that yet he frets for your safety and when a real crisis arrives, he almost begs you to stay away or at least don’t wander around alone and instead stay with one of his friends. He trusts his friends, knows that they’re strong and spirited. I’d say Gintoki wouldn’t kidnap his s/o simply because he can’t. Where is he supposed to hide them anyways? He lives basically together with Shinpachi and Kagura and probably lacks money to provide you with the things you would need if he would permanently take you. Instead he has another shameless method which is somehow ending up invading your space when he feels like it. Otose, Catherine and his friends often scold him for leeching off on you like this because he makes himself at home in your house and even if he acts like the usual jerk, Gintoki believes their words.

🍨Sort of selfish when it comes to his beloved sweet things but he probably ends up mellowing out enough to share them with you if he’s in a good mood, which he is mostly when he is with you. It’s likely that he manages to do nothing to help you with yet somehow he does. He often lazes around and nags to you when you ask him for a favor yet somehow he manages to do it even if he manages to get in all sort of problems beforehand. Gintoki does a lot behind the scenes which you don’t even know about unless it is mentioned to you. He handles things his own ways after all. Being in a relationship with him means having to endure everything with him so Gintoki feels simultaneously bad for dragging you into all of the troubles as well as feeling grateful for enduring it. When he’s drunk he most likely laments about the fact that he’s too broke to have a partner and even ends up admitting among all of the whining that he sometimes thinks that he doesn’t deserve you.

Hijikata Toshiro

🚬Toshiro is extremely stubborn once he gains feelings for his darling, veils all of them behind a annoyed and rude mask which often leads to you believing that he just plainly dislikes you. Just like Gintoki, Hijikata feels too insecure due to his own past. He couldn’t protect his brother, pushed Mitsuba, his first true love, away and thinks that his lifestyle isn’t fitting for you since you deserve someone who can make you happy. He believes that avoiding you is the best yet similar to his addiction of chain smoking and mayonnaise, Hijikata’s weakness is quitting his obsession. No matter how much he tries, you claw at his mind with immense force and somehow seeing you being happy with someone else leads to a jealous and possessive reaction which he tries to burn down by fleeing from the scene and smoking multiple cigarettes. He is a strict individual with a planned schedule and the piled up stress he has because he can’t forget you leads him to slip ups.

🚬He’s desperate and his mask sometimes cracks yet he refuses to let anyone find out about his growing feelings. He reaches a low point when he starts stalking you, patrols a lot around the district where you live in. Toshiro is very protective and places immense importance into getting rid of all trouble makers and problems in your streets so you are at least safe from troubles. He never dares to initiate small talks unless the situation calls for it and acts tsunderish when you end up conversing with him a bit. Yet such small and seemingly insignificant encounters and moments stay in his mind and he obsessively recalls even smaller details you probably forgot within the same day. A relationship takes awhile but reveals some of Toshiro’s not so charming aspects. He’s very controlling and strict, has an established set of rules he believes to be needed in order to have a harmonious and safe love life with him and can be very possessive at times. He’s not deaf and is a bit open to listen to your wishes but has troubles shaking this behavior of his off.

🚬He’d never want to admit to anyone when he feels jealous and always denies it if someone asks him yet he can be quite ridiculous with his attempts to hide it. From excessive smoking, ugly smiles and silent glares, hidden violence, petty and very obvious ‘accidents’ such as spilling his beverage, letting his sword slip, trip someone up to coughing to disrupt an interaction that went on too long or was too intimate for his taste. Really everyone can sense and see his boiling jealousy at one point yet he continues to deny it vehemently even if he ends up interrogating you later on about the person and the relationship between you two. He refrains from PDA or too much affection in public since he wants to keep his image yet he probably will end up pulling you closer and glare at someone who won’t get a hint. If someone bluntly flirts with his s/o and makes inappropriate comments, chances are that he pulls his sword out and asks them if they want to be killed by him.

🚬He abuses his reputation as the Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi quite a bit and he probably doesn’t feel bad for it. Hijikata is sometimes a bit paranoid in regards of your safety and his overprotective and possessive side tends to trigger the darker aspect of his love. He doesn’t feel guilty when he cuts someone down who hurt you nor does he feel bad by arresting someone and putting them into prison if they troubled you. If he gives someone a warning, he expects them to either understand the situation and back off or bear the consequences. He’s named the Demon Vice-Commander for a good reason and isn’t above being a bit sadistic when it comes to manhandling everyone he labels as threats ruthlessly.

🚬Hijikata ends up memorizing your schedule so he knows most of the time where you are and what you’re doing and it gives him a feeling of relief. He’s paranoid, fears rebels might kidnap you and use you against him. When something is going on, he either pesters his darling to stay at home or give him a call or message him every hour so he knows if they’re fine. Forgetting it once can already end in him worrying and spamming you only to scold you harshly for concerning him over nothing as soon as he reaches you. You know that something is messed up when Hijikata ends up snapping enough to turn a bit more delusional and start defending his actions of locking you inside the house or even using his police position to force you into house arrest by threatening to take you to the police if you don’t do as he says. Whilst he won’t go as far as kidnapping, he is willing to restrict your freedom under certain circumstances.

🚬The other Shinsengumi members eventually find out, either because you two are at this point partners or because someone, let’s be honest and say it’s Sougo, had their suspicions, spied on Hijikata and spilled everything to the other members. Kondo congratulates him, Sougo just wants to mess with Hijikata by using you which makes Hijikata on the other hand a bit paranoid. Sougo acting nice and trying to befriend you is a red flag yet Sougo always manages to make Toshiro look like the crazy one in the end. Which is why Toshiro probably doesn’t really want his s/o over at headquarters too often. It’s likely that Toshiro feels bad for Sougo though because he accepted you but rejected Mitsuba back then, fears that Okita might dislike you secretly for that reason and apologizes for it since you shouldn’t have to suffer because of him. Toshiro is privately more affectionate than he is whilst under people as soon as he has relaxed enough.

Okita Sougo

😈Sougo is a certified sadist so he gives his darling a little taste of hell every time he appears. I’d actually label him as lucid so he guesses that he is obsessed with his darling but he winds up simply not caring about it after some time. Due to his sadistic nature he’s surprisingly clingy, he stalks you and follows you only so he can bump into you by accident when he feels like it and make fun of you a bit. It’s likely that he’s gone too far a couple of times already which made you angry and brought you to tears yet you’re the only one who snaps since Sougo stays calm, the usual deadpanned expression on his face. Sougo is oddly enough aware when he’s gone too far though and most likely gives his s/o some time to calm down, times where he’s somewhat nice. He has always some ulterior motives behind nice gestures though so as soon as you’ve somewhat recovered, the cycle begins again.

😈Sougo is manipulative and cruel with his words. He manages to twist your own words against you and make them sound like something entirely else. Guilt is always put on you and worst is that you’re the only one who always loses their self-control which only leads to enhanced mocking from his side where he chides you for letting your temper get the better of you. Sougo is enough of a jerk to search for some dirty secrets and if you threaten to leave him and tell the Shinsengumi about him, he simply holds them above your head and tells you with a little smirk on his face that he’ll let everyone know about it. He’s a possessive bastard so he won’t allow his darling to leave him and maybe that steams from the fact that he already lost his sister Mitsuba. Despite that all, Okita is also protective. Granted, he doesn’t allow others to hurt you since you’re pretty much his so he’s the only one who has the right to do anything to you. He also knows about the discrimination against humans from aliens and about the rebels so you have a potential target on your back due to being his partner.

😈Sougo is already the undefeated champion when it comes to humiliating and ridiculing others but he’s extremely terrible when he is jealous. He never outright says that he’s jealous but his rude and sarcastic comments increase. He either mercilessly picks the one apart who makes him jealous, and in the worst cases he actually uses his sword to give them a minor injury as a warning, or he completely humiliates you if you show any reaction of being flattered or enjoying the attention. He ruins your chances with anyone of you haven’t accepted him yet by scaring competition or spreading rumors about you which make you look more unappealing and even lies to others that you two are a thing or have already slept together, might even forcefully kiss you. If he knows that you harbor feelings, he might even try to make you jealous in return by flirting with someone else as a sort of revenge just to see you going a bit possessive. He wants an apology if he got the impression that you enjoyed everything and you might have to literally go down on your knees.

😈A walking menace, a living devil. Everyone is screwed when they trigger Sougo and he is especially happy to display his sadistic tendencies when someone messes with his s/o. We’ve already established that he sees them as his possession so no one else has the right to touch them if they don’t want to lose their hands. Even someone courageous tends to run when Okita pulls out his sword and has that excited glint in his eyes, his insane bullying is enough to make a grown man ball his eyes out. If someone hurts you though, they’ll probably lose a limb or two and might barely make it out alive. If someone tries to kill you, they’re dead within the blink of an eye as soon as Sougo has tracked them down. He shows zero hesitation and mercy for anyone, they’re all cut down.

😈Surprise, surprise but Okita Sougo won’t kidnap his darling. He doesn’t see the need too, mainly because he thinks that it would be too much work to find a place, keep it a secret from the other members of the Shinsengumi and because you might wreck havoc in his house as some sort of way to blow off some steam. You’d make too much trouble. There is a tight leash the Shinsengumi member keeps on you anyways so that’s the second main reason he doesn’t feel the need to abduct you. A sadistic part of him thinks your reactions as long as you think that you are free are funnier anyways, especially when he can ridicule you in front of people. Your facial expression when you find him in your house where he makes himself at home is also worth gold.

😈He expresses his affection the only way he really can and that is sadly by annoying and teasing you until you go insane. Sougo just can’t help it. He punishes his s/o too by gagging them, tying them up or simply revealing a secret that you don’t want anyone to know. Somehow he always finds a way where you have to crawl back to him since he’s the only one willing to help, if you repay his kindness of course. Probably buys a pretty collar to wear so everyone knows who you belong too and calls you pet names. Treats his darling somewhat endearingly when they did good for him and punishes them when they made troubles. Okita just can’t shake that side of him completely off and it probably needs a darling with extreme patience for him to be more genuine with his affection.

Kamui

👊Kamui is quite the sadist himself and that is mainly to blame for the fact that his darling is a itty bitty human. They’re weak and Kamui despises weakness yet that clashes with this fatal attraction he feels for them which results in this mean streak of his. He’s constantly mocking his darling, scares them with his brute strength and just bullies them for their weakness, all with this closed-eyes smile on his face. Very possessive and violent because even if he dislikes your weakness, he can’t bring himself to kill you since you stir something up inside of him. The simplest solution is keeping you and he’s willing to use all means to fulfill that goal of his. Kamui is physically violent just as much, willing to leave bruises or break bones as methods to teach you to not run away and know your place, which is under him.

👊The Yato man is also fully convinced that someone weak like you needs someone strong like him to protect you. The earth was overrun and conquered by the Amanto because humanity didn’t have the strength to fend for themselves, his darling is no different. They should be grateful that he decided to take them under his wing. He expects gratitude and wants you to admit that without him you would die within a few days and he rubs it especially under your nose when he did save you from someone or something. He attempts to make you worship him a bit and really see him as your savior. Somewhere deep down he just wants to feel like he can actually protect someone since he hates himself for having failed to save his mother and sever the emotional tie with his family.

👊Kamui is trigger-happy and in the best case he swings a fist and sends someone flying through the walls. It’s likely that he just looks down on anyone he doesn’t recognize as strong which applies to a good bunch of living creatures in the universe. His disgustingly possessive side forbids anyone besides maybe Abuto to really interact for longer than a few seconds with his darling. He normally pulls you closer by your hip with a bruising grip, the usual smile on his face before he uses his terrifying strength to smash their face with only one hit beyond repair. You aren’t safe from him either, in the worst cases he’s yanked you by your hair to expose your neck only to shower it with blue and purple hickies to show anyone that you belong to someone already, him.

👊He enjoys fights already so he enjoys it just as much to beat someone who flirted with you or tried to save you. There is less fun when someone actually got through him and managed to hurt you though since Kamui already failed to protect his family once so that stirs this unpleasant feeling of failure up. Of weakness. In that case his smile falters and he stares at his opponent with murderous eyes and if he sees his darling being nearly killed right in front of his eyes, he completely snaps and lets his Yato blood take control. He can neither control his searing wrath nor his strength and probably snaps out covered in sticky and red liquid with a mess of smashed bones and flesh in front of him. A body that has been annihilated by him. Kamui is spiteful after, blames you for your own weakness even if he looks out more for you and still cares for injuries.

👊Kamui kidnaps his darling at an early point. He’s a space criminal after all and travels through space. He can’t leave you behind to roam unprotected and freely on earth. He doesn’t tell anyone about his plans either. Kamui simply walks one day to you, greets you with his smile and tells you that you’ll come with him before he knocks you out. Abuto can stare flabbergasted at best when the captain returns with a human over his shoulders and announces that he’ll take them with him. When you wake up, you have a massive headache accompanied by a huge bump on your head. You’re shackled and alone in a room until Kamui eventually returns and explains with a slight grin on his face that you belong to him from now on.

👊He can’t regulate his strength at times so even if he tries to be affectionate, chances are that he ends up bruising you with his touches. Kamui doesn’t feel too bad about it in retrospect though, sees it as signs that you belong to him. By the way, the man is very touchy with his s/o and shameless about it too. Abuto is pretty much the only one from his crew he actually really trusts and Abuto is the one who winds up feeling bad for you somehow. When Kamui is in a bad mood and hurts you, it’s Abuto who tries to explain why the boss is acting like he does. Kamui doesn’t want his s/o to know about his past since it’s his weakness and he fears that after all the talk of him being the only one who can protect you, you might make fun of him. It’s a sensitive topic in general for him.

Yoshida Shoyo

💔He’s a split personality of Utsuro who has managed to gain control of the body and has resigned to a peaceful life where he can teach children. What Shoyo doesn’t expect is falling in love and yet he does. His mind often wanders to you as he wonders what you’re doing at the moment and a blissful, small smile graces his lips as he gets lost in thoughts of you. His students catch him sometimes and wind up teasing him and asking him who his crush is. Shoyo wavers with his decision to be with you though since he isn’t who you might think he is. He’s immortal and his past selves have slaughtered thousands. He doesn’t know if he deserves his darling since the Shoka Sonjuku is a way for him to atone for his past sins. The man is very protective though, asks you constantly how you’re doing and reminds you to take care of yourself. He’s observant, usually senses when something stresses you and quickly offers his help.

💔He’s good in remembering the little things about you and constantly surprises you with it. He’s caring, very caring, often brings you small treats and presents he can afford or made himself to make you happy. Shoyo can be just like a mother hen, very coddling. Despite his attempts to hide his affection, it is extremely hard for him since his heart hurts with longing. He’s never loved someone before in his entire life but now he has his adorable students and you and his heart is bursting with joy and infatuation. The way he occasionally brushes his hands through your hair or the way he looks at you are telltale signs of his feelings for you. Due to his very kind nature he might appear to be very manipulative from time to time simply because he draws people to himself because of his philosophy and kindness, his darling probably never suspects him and that makes him feel guilty. He knows that his love tips into the unhealthy kind.

💔Honestly, Yoshida is far too patient and lenient to fall easily into the temptation of jealousy. It isn’t like he doesn’t feel the small needle of pain when he sees his darling happy with someone else but he’s good when it comes to suppressing his dark urges and wants his darling happy. The moment his students find out they’ll probably be the ones who try to interfere as they fall into a shipping fever. They want that you get together with their sensei and Yoshida scolds them later on for behaving that way in front of you and making you and the other person uncomfortable even if he knows that their intentions weren’t bad. If he is in a established relationship with you, he feels reassured and trusts you. He isn’t even really hostile against someone else if they understand the hint when he laces his fingers with yours and presses a kiss against your temple. If someone still won’t take a hint, he is more sturdy and reminds them that he’s already your partner and that you’re happy with him. He might not even be completely mad if his students come to his help in this case too even if he still belittles them later on.

💔He’s killed for centuries without an end, has become wary to take lives again. Yoshida desires a peaceful life even if he still won’t hesitate to grab a sword and defend those he cares about. He wants to solve problems without having to resort to murdering someone so he usually threatens and warns someone he actually sees as a serious threat despite his more kindhearted nature. He wants them away from you if they torment you physically or psychologically and don’t have any intentions to stop and/or apologize. If a situation escalates into a fight, he opts to hold back and knock the person out or immobile them somehow. He holds back too because let’s face it, if he would go all out that person would be dead. If he somehow succumbs to his darker emotions and nearly kills someone or really murders them, he probably feels a bit guilty and ashamed that he lost control just like that.

💔He’d never abduct his darling or restrict them unless they’re injured and need to rest. You probably end up assisting him or even teaching in his private school yourself so a big time of the day you’re anyways with him and his students. Considering the fact that Shoyo is a really good partner, it might be a mutually agreed decision to live together at one point in the relationship. Shoyo is joyful with that decision since it means that he can see you nearly the whole day. He provides you with everything he can give you too out of sheer gratitude for returning his feelings and overwhelming love. You never really understand since you don’t know his past and Shoyo isn’t sure if he really wants you to know either out of underlying fear that you’ll leave him if you’d ever find out the truth.

💔Has to keep the bunch of students away that swarm around you as soon as he introduces you to them, especially Gintoki, Takasugi and Katsura. Although he loves watching the children and you interacting since all the people who make him happy are together. Shoyo is most likely starved for affection due to never having been loved before but tries to control it a bit. He greatly enjoys it when his darling tells him that they love him, care for him or show him physical affection. He wants to marry his darling really badly too and just do everything he can to make them feel loved and happy. The constant fear deep inside his core that Utsuro might one day return stays with him though.

[ur-frndly-neighborhood-memer1]

Luz's Trauma Is Downplayed

In The Owl House, we've seen many kinds of trauma, abuse and abusive relationships.

Hunter is the most noticeable example. It's easy to see his PTSD because we've witnessed the abuse that he suffered from his "uncle"s hand.

And it's hinted that it was Belos who gave Hunter the scars on his cheek and ear.

Just like how he gave him the new scars...

So we know that Hunter is a victim of long life abuse and very likely to suffer from PTSD (or "Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" to be clear)

No wonder why he was having panic attacks in season 2.

And it's the same case for Amity. We've seen her stormy relationship with her parents.

And especially with her mother. Because Odalia isn't only strict but also a narcissistic mother who was emotionally abusive towards Amity.

And her father was mostly neglectful towards her too.

So just like Hunter, it's easy to see Amity's trauma.

And for Eda's case, we've seen her broken relationship with her sister in season 1 finale.

How her own sister cursed her for the sake of being a member of Emperor's Coven, a dream that shared by both sisters. And we saw Eda giving up on her dream because she didn't want to fight her sister. But Lilith on the other hand, went as far to curse her own sister...

Their backstory was the best but also the most tragic part of the season 1 for me.

We also saw clear flashbacks about Eda's past during "Knock, Knock, Knockin' Hooty's Door". We saw her family tragedy when her cursed form took out her father's eye, we saw her break-up with Raine... Basically, we saw how mentally broken and depressed she really was underneath that funny and sassy Owl Lady image. And let's be honest, this attitude is nothing but a coping mechanism to deal with guilt hurting her loved ones, fear of losing them and pain of her broken dreams...

Not even mentioning "Eda's Requiem" when her abondement issues got exposed to the audience for the first time. And she afraid of being lonely so much that she literally got suicidal at the end...

And even Willow!

I say "even" because her dads never appeared abusive, just lowkey strict.

Like, how they forced her to be placed in abomination coven even though she obviously had no interest in it and was struggling a lot.

However, Willow's trauma doesn't lie in her family life, but rather in her school life.

She was constantly bullied by Amity, Boscha and their gaang. She was underestimated, made fun of; felt worthless because of this negative treatment by her classmates...

Again, we can see Willow's struggle and empathize with her quickly, especially because we've seen that she was being bullied in the very first episode that she appeared.

HOWEVER

We know very little about how Luz's life was like before she went to Boiling Isles.

Yes, we had some brief flashbacks in "Thanks To Them", but even then, we've seen them from Camila's perspective, not from Luz's.

There are a few hints that giving Luz was being bullied in the school due to her antics and neurodivergent behaviors.

Such as in "Knock, Knock, Knockin' Hooty's Door"

You can see how stressful and nervous she looks here. Which makes sense because she was afraid that Amity was going to reject her and find her cheesy... just as how it happened back in the human world too.

So it's very likely that Luz had a crush on someone, but was rejected and made fun of due to her weirdness. (Honestly, who would reject this cute, pretty little goofball?!)

"Oh no! I'm gonna be made fun of again" This line makes it clear I think.

And then when she can't hold herself anymore, Luz starts panicking and destroying everything in the Tunnel of Love.

Most people were focused on Amity's sadness here, which is normal since the camera also focus on her instead of Luz who is busy destroying the stuff.

And apart from this, we know that Luz didn't have any friends except the "imaginary ones".

This is literally all we know about Luz's social life, and most of these are still semi-canon since it's never been truly revealed.

The only we know about Luz's social/family life is that she has a very loving mother (which is great) but also that she is dealing with a deep feeling of grief and pain due to losing her father at such a young age...

It's not exactly revealed what happened to Manny Noceda, but since Camila said that they had to move somewhere closer to a good hospital in order to cure him, we can say he was sick with a deadly disease (perhaps cancer?)

While saying it like that, it may seem like a lot about Luz's personal life was revealed in the show, but believe me, that's far from being the case...

Luz's traumas are often ignored by fandom. And the reason is the show is ignoring Luz.

Think about it, she's the protagonist so she's supposed to have the spotlight, right?

But no, we know much more about Eda, Hunter and Amity's personal lifes. I'm not saying this to complain, their own stories are also very interesting, especially Eda's. But still, it's no excuse to ignore the main character.

For all we know, Luz was bullied and made fun of in school, like Willow.

She was afraid of rejection, like Amity.

She is manipulated and scarred by Belos, like Hunter.

She is secretly depressed because of her relationship with father, like Eda.

But despite being deeply hurt and broken, why don't most of us acknowledge Luz's trauma?

Well, we have Disney to thank for this... Due to shortening The Owl House, we lost a great opportunity to know more about Luz.

However, this isn't the only reason...

Despite the fact that the show is shortened, we still have detailed informations about other characters like Eda, Amity, Hunter...

But the reason why Luz was ignored is also Dana Terrace's fault too. She often neglected Luz and focused more on other characters.

Maybe some people will disagree with me, but still, it's undeniable that Luz was neglected as a character and barely had the spotlight despite being the protagonist.

It's not only Luz though. Gus and King's backstories aren't even revealed or foreshadowed at all. We know little to no about them. Yeah, King is a Titan and Gus' dad is called Perry, and what else?

Like yeah, at least I was able write a few things about Luz. But there was almost nothing to write about Gus and King.

I wish we could have a full season 3 and then a season 4, we'd at least have some time to see everything without hurry.

Now I can only hope to have a good final episode. I sure hope "Watching and Dreaming" will be a good finale.

[thatonesillyducko]

OC Ask (again lol): Wound, Midnight, Hide

for this ask game! Oh no no it's alright, you're cool, this is interesting actually. This one can be asked too as I reblog it before X)

── .✦Wound: In combat, this woman, listen to me. This woman is so self-sufficient that she injures herself. Jemíma is no stranger to physical wounds. She's been injured in the line of duty before, and has learned how to handle pain and discomfort. Most of her wounds are physical, but they can also take an emotional toll on her. Dealing with pain, blood loss, and potentially permanent injury can be mentally taxing. (small context: This woman saved Keegan's ass so many, many times, like COME ON get along for once, when a tango on the battlefield attempted to shoot Keegan, Jemíma rushed to his side and received a bullet in her upper arm (part of a ongoing writing fanfic spoiler giggling)

── .✦Midnight: She doesn't let her emotions and fears get the best of her, even in difficult situations. However, like any person, she does have nightmares and anxieties, particularly related to her personal life and the safety of her loved ones.

ᯓ★One thing that keeps her up at night are the memories and traumas, past missions, particularly those that involved taking lives or losing comrades in battle. She sometimes struggles with guilt and regret for things she has done in the line of duty and nightmares of past failures or mistakes.

ᯓ★In the small hours of the night when she should be sleeping, Jemíma will often try to distract herself with books or other activities, or she will simply lay awake with her thoughts. (go to Keegan's room and talk with that bitch)

── .✦Hide: Jemíma may hide her traumatic past as a way of protecting herself. She might be uncomfortable sharing the details of her abusive upbringing due to fear of judgment, shame, or vulnerability. Hiding her story could be a coping mechanism, allowing her to maintain a sense of control.

ᯓ★Additionally, Jemíma has developed a sense of resilience and independence through her struggles and may not want to appear vulnerable or weak in the eyes of others.

ᯓ★The act of hiding her backstory might also be a defense mechanism to prevent others from understanding the full extent of her suffering and emotional pain. This secret could add an element of privacy and mystery to Jemíma's character.

[yanderes-galore]

Could I request platonic concepts for Arthur Morgan (Red Dead Redemption 2) please? Maybe the reader's new to the group and he's kinda teaching them the ropes?

Sure! Here you go, I love Arthur.... Still new to RDR2 so I hope I get things right.

Yandere! Platonic! Arthur Morgan with Darling who recently joined the group

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Father Arthur Morgan, Manipulation, Trauma, Fear of loss, Murder, Violence, Brief blood mention, Dubious companionship.

Arthur isn't the best person, he's been involved with crime since he joined the gang with Dutch.

He's lost those he loved and has chosen to stay loyal to the gang (until he realizes the truth about Dutch).

As a result he is hesitant to be open with anyone.

He's intimidating and cold, but it capable of being kind, polite, and playful at times.

You most likely joined the gang at a young age.

You first joined at about 18/19, you were encouraged by Dutch to join as you had no other place to go.

You weren't as young as Arthur when he joined but Arthur still sees a little bit of himself in you.

I imagine Arthur tries not to get attached to you at first....

He keeps up the stoic behavior and only helps you when he has to.

But eventually Arthur is encouraged to connect with you.

He knows he isn't the best role model for you, but really who is in the gang?

Arthur almost feels guilty that he enjoys your presence.

Part of him yearns to have some kind of kid due to his past.

He tries to smother such thoughts as he doesn't want to lose anyone again.

But you still manage to make your way into his cracked heart, looking up to him with such bright eyes.

Arthur grits his teeth... he really can't say no to you.

The other members notice Arthur go from ignoring you to caring about you.

He teaches you lessons to survive in a world such as this.

Things like reading, shooting, and riding.

Dutch muses with Arthur that your companionship is very similar to how Dutch treated him.

Arthur grumbles and brushes him off.

It's just how he's taught.

Arthur is surprisingly careful with you.

He checks your grip when you shoot to make sure you don't hurt yourself.

He makes sure you're well acquainted with your mount before mounting to prevent you from being flung off.

Arthur may act calm and like he has no fear, but he has one fear.

He fears for the safety of those he cares about.

Since he sees you in the role of his kid in a way he is very attentive to your safety.

Some gang members find this funny yet endearing when Arthur acts like some smothering parent around you.

Arthur is a somewhat lucid yandere, he is aware of his actions.

Yet if it's for you he'd do anything.

He fears his own mortality along with yours.

It surprises you when Arthur's embraces are tight and his breathing is uneasy during tough times.

Arthur is a man who has no issue with murder.

He doesn't care for uneccesarry murder... but when it comes to you?

He'd be such a shotgun dad.

You know what I mean, one who'd shoot the partner of his kid if they did anything he deems wrong.

He can't risk anything.

Arthur would heavily manipulate you.

He wants you to stay at the camp with the gang while he goes out.

Arthur isn't sure if he can cope with another loss.

Which is the main reason he's so protective over you.

He normally isn't one for revenge, but if you were hurt he'd hunt down whoever did it.

I feel his honor matters and changes his yandere behavior in a way.

If he's high honor he is more considerate of you as his "kid".

He listens to you more, less intimidating, and less trigger happy.

If he's low honor, he's away more selfish.

He sees you as a coping mechanism and wants to lock you away more.

He's more willing to kill and use violence to keep you safe.

He'd even begin to scare you as he falls into this obsessive need to protect you.

Arthur cares deeply for you either way.

Although his honor changes how he'll deal with his obsession.

It occurs to him later on his manipulation is similar to what Dutch did to him.

Yet Arthur thinks he's better/is in denial.

He's not forcing you to do violence... he's protecting you.

He holds you close to comfort you and is a father to you...

Isn't he?

You love him... don't you?

He isn't the best man, he knows that already.

But Arthur would do anything for you.

He'd cover his hands and clothes in blood if it meant you'd be safe...

Soon... it'll be just you and him against the world... to Arthur no one else matters but you now.

[oh-cool-a-burning-sword]

Welp, I played and finished Fire Emblem Engage!

NGL, it's really, REALLY good.

Like the people who reviewed the game before it was released did not do it justice. (not that I cared for those reviews anyways). Sure the story is simple when compared to Houses, but that doesn't make it bad. Sure plot points are rather predictable if you've played past games, but their played out in more interesting ways.

Like while it was fairly obvious that Alear was related to Sombron. It was surprising that Lumera wasn't Alear's biological mother. Found family tropes aren't really common in FE games (since parents usually die). Yet the bond that Alear and Lumera shared, despite Alear being taught to kill divine dragons and Lumera's family dying because of the Fell Dragon... and said bond being so strong that she took years out of her own life to bring them back?

That, right there, is family.

And on the topic of Sombron and Lumera. There were already plenty of parallels before the game was even out. Lumera's name meaning light and Sombron's name meaning shadow, divine and fallen. But then you play the game and you find one more thing that they have in common. They both lost everything. In the final battle you find out that Sombron's people were killed and he was exiled to another world (aka Elyos). The difference is that Lumera found a new family in Alear and by the looks of it, moved on. While Sombron HAD someone at first, an Emblem from another world known as the Zero Emblem. Yet the Emblem vanished when Sombron was taken in by a village, and after that he decided to stay alone, pushing away people who genuinely cared for him like Veyle.

He's still obviously the villain. Even with that backstory, he hurt too many people, was willing to destroy a world just to get back to his own. Sombron killed his own kids because they were 'defects'. Because of his treatment, past Alear behaved like an emotionless puppet due to trauma and fear of being killed like his siblings. You can sympathise with a villain while still seeing them as the bad guy.

Same can be said for Zephia. She did so many horrible things, tried to erase the real Veyle, killed Marni, which honestly that scene brought tears to my eyes. When we learn her backstory, we find that she was also alone. She never got to know what Love really was until it was too late. Zephia wanted a family, a child, and she genuinely thought of the Hounds as her family. Hell in the scene where she and Griss were dying, she finds out that Griss truly saw her as a mother/sister. It does kinda make we wish that they could have joined us, but oh well.

Also glad that they actually gave an explanation as to why Alear and Veyle never turned into dragons. Past Alear gave their dragon stone to Veyle (which then breaks when Alear dies), and Veyle in a wake up event reveals that she buried her dragon stone. I would have liked to see how a Fell/Divine dragon hybrid would look like, however, as despite not being biologically related, Lumera giving her powers to Alear made them in part a Divine Dragon.

Then there's these little moments in the game that just makes it shine. Like meeting Fogado's retainers, aka Pandreo's hilarious reaction of 'Oh hey it's God... GOD!?'. King Morion (despite not lasting long) being revealed to absolutely loving both his kids was nice. I really thought that he wouldn't have been a good guy, but he was a sweetheart? I wish he lasted longer tho.

Honestly the whole Brodia fam is just great, I love them.

I like how if you get a game over during the final battle, you don't just get a game over screen, you get a bad ending. Alear loses their divine side, Veyle is under Sombron's control again and has Alear's emblem ring. Everyone dies. There's not really that many bad endings in FE games. At least as far as I'm aware? I mean there's the 'right' thing to do, finishing Grima off as Robin so that the Fell dragon's gone forever, choosing to side with neither Hoshido or Nohr to save everyone. But never an ending that straight up goes 'you fucked up big time'. Even Three Hopes, despite the fact that sure, recruiting Byleth is the 'right' decision, with the exception of Scarlet Blaze, there's no huge consequence for choosing to kill them (though the story just kinda... drops at the end so we never known what happens afterwards)

Granted it's a small scene and you get brought back to the fight soon after, but it's still really neat that they did that.

All in all I really enjoyed this game. It makes it abundantly clear that Engage was meant to be an anniversary title that got delayed. I can't wait for the next instalment which there's a 90% chance of being a Genealogy remake. We should find out about it in about 2-3 years since that seems to be the release pattern FE games have atm. Unless there's any delays.

I didn't get the DLC yet, but now I think I will. Just to see the side story we'll get and also to meet new Emblems/new Characters.

Oh and yes, I married Alfred.