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onf-headcanons · 4 years ago

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ONF in Cafe AU

(Establishment)

A/N : 200 followers special!! This different universe from Baker Yuto

Settings : A total brand new universe where they just gather by pure coincidence. Or an alternate universe where ONF later when their contract ended, they gathered to open a cafe once Yuto return to Korea from graduating his bakery course back in Japan. Hyojin, Seungjun and Jaeyoung helped by researching how to register+open business in Korea.

Roles

Yuto : The bread maker

Seungjun : Barista

Hyojin & Jaeyoung : Chief waiter and in charge of cashier

Minkyun : Assisting waiter and more of a helper in the kitchen preparing ingredients

Changyoon : In charge of other menus such as sandwiches/bagel sandwich and dessert

Reader : could be part timer or the regular guest (bonus a fan of ONF as well)

Bonus : Minseok might occasionally drop by to visit or Minseok as another member in the kitchen (i mean have you seen his IG???!!!!!)

Headcanons

As Yuto is more of a bread lover, the cafe would be a bakery+cafe style eatery.

The menu is made and proposed by all 6 of them. Also before they start running business, the kitchen gang has already tried making food to do taste test. (Including WM family)

The menu is written in Korean, English and Japanese.

Yuto would keep trying on making the best bread so he would experiment with different options such as more milk or less flour

Hyojin would always give ideas to improvise. And members trust Hyojin's thoughts because he is such a foodie XD

Seungjun would research and practice on his barista skills.

Changyoon would do graphic design of the menu

Minkyun and Jaeyoung would go out to find spot to rent and open cafe

Once the cafe is opened, this is how they run it.

Because of ONF's nature, I personally think they will test the timing of business by doing a few around of simulations.

This would be suggested by Changyoon and agreed by the leaders

So before they opened, they really tried it out at the empty cafe and simulated with full house for 3~5 days straight. Then they are content with the current timing as below.

I also think Seungjun Jaeyoung and Yuto would keep suggesting adjustments on the timing.

Especially Seungjun and Yuto. Seungjun in the bystander view because he is the barista and Yuto sharing the perspective on what timing those outside kitchen should alert those in the kitchen. They would run timer using their phone.

Bakery closes on 6pm, tidying done by 7:15pm, head out for dinner or simple dinner by whipping up some left over ingredients.

Grocery shopping on 8:45pm or 9pm, headback for cafe for preparations if necessary

Next day 6am at cafe to do early preparations, bakery side and morning take away opens on 7:30am,

10:00am opens for eat in + buffet, they do not do dinner so closes at 6pm and repeat for every day.

They closes on big event public holidays, end of the year+new year.

(They will get quick lunch by ingredients whipped up from the kitchen. Hyojin will switch with Jaeyoung, Seungjun will switch with the part timer, Yuto will get quick bites while waiting for dough to rise, Changyoon and Minkyun will switch)

(BTW this is just reference from my weak experience working on restaurant)

There are 5 walkie talkies. Hyojin, Seungjun and Jaeyoung have 1 each, 1 at the cashier and another is at the kitchen with speakers. This is for them to communicate and alert each other about the crowd and also any food items that are running out.

BTW should we are using the Minseok as one of the member in kitchen, he did not join immediately. But he do drop by to support his hyungs and being the 2nd food taster.

His hyungs and Yuto are a bit reluctant to recruit him but, to their surprise, Minsk volunteered himself.

And oh boy his hyungs all in awe at how good this baby boy's cooking is!!!

Funny moment when Seungjun caught Hyojin eyes are gleaming with bliss after Hyojin tasted Minseok's food. And then only the other hyungs swarming over wanting to taste Minseok's cooking lol

(Hyojin already numb due to so many times food tasting lol but cos he loves to eat he still finishes all the samples. But Minseok's cooking was a breather for him at that exact moment)

Also Changyoon has an idea that putting surveys on each table and let guests to fill in. When they submit to cashier, they might get coupons (?) or maybe discounts about 83%

Or maybe some collectibles and when they got all six stickers, they get 83% discount? (its flexible)

The cafe gains popularity because of the quality and due to good looks of chief waiters and barista.

Also, I think in their menu, (should this is the contract ended ONF universe), they might integrate the member recommendations, it is flexible either food or drink. Or maybe both

Hyojin definitely going to recommend 2 smoothies.

Changyoon would recommend pasta and dessert

Minkyun will go for a sandwich

Jaeyoung might recommend Yuto's sourdough bruschetta

Seungjun will recommend one type of latte

And Yuto will recommend 1 or 2 breads found at bakery/buffet corner. But for menu he would give out tips like which bread type goes better with which cheese or jam

（BTW I think its cute should they use their mascot deer, shark, maltese, gorilla, cat and bread as avatar/icon that appear at recommendations!）

And on their birthday, (this could be Seungjun's idea) there will be a 83% discount sticker placed on the recommended food/drink by the member.

And since we talked about menu...

Again its a bread themed cafe, so the main would be bread, brunch and all day breakfast.

Bread type (buffet) : mini croissants, mini buns, scones, baguette, bagel, white loaf, sourdough

Bread type (bakery) : croissant, buns, garlic bread, scones, baguette, bagel, red bean bun, packed bread loafs

Let me explain about buffet first.

Buffet is for brunch+lunch, which starts on 10:30am to 2pm. Its a 90 minutes course. In that course you can pick 1 of each option of bread, salad, toppings, sides (sausages, hams, cheese and baked beans) and also random desserts.

They offer butter (salted and unsalted), 3 to 4 types of jams (strawberry, mixed fruit and marmalade), variety of paste to go with bread (mashed avocado and Parmesan garlic pesto). also Nutella

For buffet, beverage there already stocked variety of juices, warm coffee and tea (that are already prepared earlier) and fresh water

Cheese they will go for cheddar, Havarti, Feta, Mozarella and brown cheese.

Should you don't go for buffet, they have eat in cafe menu. Which are separately made set meals that comes with beverage. Like sandwiches, bagel sandwiches, spaghetti/pastas, or bruschetta with topping of your choice (6 the most)

Seungjun would prepare freshly brewed coffee, latte, tea, frappe and even smoothie.

Desserts are all simple desserts, like mini tarts and mini cupcake. For specially ordered ones would non baked stuffs that Changyoon and Minkyun made early in the morning and stored in fridge (because dont wanna clash with Yuto baking should any bread nearly sold out. Also can have more flexible timing should Yuto need help they can back up)

Initially, Changyoon will always make extra desserts by x2.5 amount, especially mini tarts or mini cupcakes at the buffet area. He is a worry wart.

BTW the bell Changyoon presented Yuto during OnDaeJeon? Its later used at the cafe lol. As the alert tool for waiters that food is done come and take it

I think on early years, at most 2 years, they are not going to do delivery or food app order service just yet.

But they will run an Instagram or twitter account for the cafe and using it just like how they are doing with they current twitter account. Promoting food and giving out random recommendations also a glimpse of their daily lifes running the cafe and bakery

I think Changyoon would upload a pic of seasonal fruit and a teaser for new seasonal dessert? And then lol it will sometimes plot twist ends up being seasonal beverage that made by Seungjun lol

Should Minseok is not a member running the cafe, the boys consult with him occasionally about adding new seasonal,time limited items.

Also Hyojin and Yuto being the photographer taking picture of the food. Oops I forgot, the pictures of food items in menu are both taken by them too!

Minkyun will bring along one of his fave part timer to do emergency grocery shopping should he needed a hand.

Hyojin and Jaeyoung will try to help customer to decide by suggesting recommendation

Also Hyojin, who would sometimes keep an eye on how customer do combination on their food and get inspiration from it then later try to propose to the team.

As chief waiters, both Hyojin and Jaeyoung would always during at the cashier, asking customers should they have any suggestions or proposal (even if they submitted the survey). Values communications and feedback between staff and customers.

Also Seungjun will help out keeping an eye in case they miss out someone trying to call a waiter. Later after a year of profits, they upgraded to bell calling service type, press a button and they come serve you in a minute.

Initially, Hyojin and Jaeyoung would make use of walkie talkie to recite orders that they get so that Seungjun, Yuto, Changyoon and Minkyun can get them

After maybe a couple months of profit, they upgraded it to tablets. while the walkie talkie is used as mentioned above, to alert regarding to run out/sold out food items.

Also, once reached closing hours, I think they will also have a brief meeting. Especially for waiters team. I think Hyojin would guide and critique on performance.

In overall it is very warm to work with ONF but you have to keep up because they are also strict.

I can see should they know part timers birthday, they would wish them. Maybe Changyoon/Minseok will shove special dessert or pasta for them.

It will be funny that some fans went there hoping to see Yuto, Changyoon and Minkyun but they are busy, do not want to disappoint, Hyojin and Seungjun might try to call them out using walkie talkie. (only apply to the contract end universe)

Oh I had a thought, maybe not the public knows that Minseok joined? I think maybe its also Minseok's terms and conditions because he does not want the spotlight he just wanna help running the business

Also should WM family drop by to visit, the first word as they enter the door, both sides will go “Aigooooo~~~~!!!” (Refer to RTK where Oh My Girl drops by to check out ONF for TWML practise)

Should that happen, its a big day for the fans

BUT!!! I can think ONF cafe later be the hangout spot for WM family? like member’s birthday? lets go to ONF cafe! Because Yuto baked a cake specially for us!! and off they go~

I mean its a great deal, considering Yuto’s love for bread and he did not sell customised cakes. So its personalised stuff he made for those he cared about.

That is why mostly the gathering will happen after 6pm or

Maybe WM managers drop by to pick up the special cake

Also, Yuto let part timers to have leftover breads or desserts at bakery and buffet area for free. His hyungs agreed because you should not waste food. Plus freshly made bread are their selling point so they won't recycle them.

A/N : gonna stop here and should there is more, I might do a part 2~!

#onf #cafe au #onf headcanons #onf imagines #onf headcanon #onf scenarios

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kagayamasthighs · 4 years ago

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weeeee hi min! i came across ur blog n ab to dive into ur works (am pumped) but first saw that u just got ur tongue pierced and im SO CURIOUS— how was the pain level/healing process been?? (only if u dont mind me asking!) im highkey a wimp and just got a diff piercing done myself but ngl was eyeing that for a hot sec, only the place i went to wasnt doing below mask piercings. but i’m considering!!

tongue piercing stuff

hihi!! i’m so happy you found my blog 🥺 i’m gonna answer your questions and also add some other stuff that might be helpful!

is it painful?

ok so I have a pretty high pain tolerance?? built: different but when i got it done, the feeling was similar to what a lot of other people have said online about the pain. i expected it to hurt a lot more than it did, it just kind of felt like when you bite your tongue by mistake but for a longer period of time? the pain doesn’t get progressively worse or anything while they’re getting the jewelry ready to go in the new piercing it just? kinda remains the same. Once the jewelry is in, it doesn’t hurt as badly. like immediately after i had it done I could talk pretty normally and stick my tongue out without much pain

how long does it take to heal?

generally, tongue piercings take 4-6 weeks to heal which is super fast! mucous membranes like the tongue bounce back really quickly! when you first get your tongue pierced, the bar is really long (5/8 of an inch or 7/8 of an inch long, depending on your tongue) so that there’s lots of room for it to swell. after the 4-6 weeks you can go back to your piercer and they’ll put in a shorter bar for you, sometimes even for free!

recovery essentials

these are some things that are essential for the recovery process (please follow your piercer’s instructions!! i’m not a licensed piercer, this is all my personal experience):

a new, soft bristled tooth brush (i bought a pack of kids’ toothbrushes from cvs)

a good, alcohol free mouthwash. most piercers recommend biotene, and I like it a lot because it’s made to help with dry mouth, and the first few days i was just chilling with my mouth open because the swelling made closing my mouth all the way a little uncomfy. Brush your teeth and rinse with mouthwash after consuming anything other than water (sometimes i just rinse with mouthwash or saline solution though)

distilled water and non-iodized, natural sea salt (warm up the water, adding 1/4tsp salt to every cup of water) to make a saline solution. swishing a little warm saline solution really helps with the healing process and makes it feel much better during the early days of healing

pain reliever! i got motrin because it’s also an anti-inflammatory.

ice! i crushed a little ice at a time in the blender and just?? ate little spoonfuls of it for the first 5 or so days

also i’d avoid spicy food/ any food that’s intensely flavored (like salt and vinegar chips or sour candy) for about a week at least bc that shit hurted me ;~; i had salt and vinegar chips on day 8 and my tongue was like pls stoP but like,,, i paid money for the chips so i ate them and suffered

recovery process

(i’m currently on day 11, so i’ll only be able to tell you about what’s happened so far dshjfsgjkghsg)

day 1: some slight discomfort when talking, not a whole lot of noticeable swelling. for some reason as soon as i got home my stupid ass tried to eat a banana and it kinda hurt unless i took really little bites. eating feels really weird and hurts a bit at first.

day 2: i woke up and the swelling was worse than on day one. The pain was a bit worse too? but that might have just been me not noticing the pain as much on day 1 because the adrenaline of actually going out and getting it done haha. talking makes the pain worse, and sticking my tongue out was pretty uncomfortable too. i think i ate mac and cheese? the pain and swelling weren’t super bad so i was confident i’d be good eating it

day 3: ok so day 3 is are when the swelling usually hits its peak: it usually doesn’t get any more swollen than it is on day 3. that being said shit was VERY swollen, all my meals were smoothies of some sort. I ate lots of ice but had to use a tiny spoon because opening my mouth super big hURT.

day 4: my tongue was still pretty swollen, slightly less than day 3, but not like noticeably better. more smoothies. more ice

day 5: i noticed that the swelling was getting better on day 5 but it still wasn’t super close to normal. might have had pasta? i think?

day 6: i don’t know about day 5 but im positive i had pasta by day 6. Swelling was still noticeable but it was going down. not very painful! just felt a twinge if i tried to stick my tongue out or moved my tongue around a lot.

day 7: swelling was still going down! much closer to normal than day 3 though. very close to normal i think. i found out i can eat most things (like,,, texture wise. spicy food is still a no go) without much trouble by this point any pain was more like,,, soreness? overall not bad. the pain was so minimal i’d just?? forget to take it every 4-6 hours and only took it when i noticed it was kinda painful

day 8: by day 8 i felt pretty much back to normal and didn’t need to take pain relievers. i didn’t really notice my tongue feeling or looking very swollen either so i got overconfident and had some potato chips. texture wise? i was pretty ok eating them, i just had to be careful. but my stupid ass thought salt and vinegar would be a good flavor to try having. it was not a good idea, and it stung but like,,, i bought them so i ate them anyway

day 9 - now: totally normal!! but it’s important to keep rinsing and brushing extra because even though it feels fine it’s still healing

let me know if there’s anything else you wanna know! i hope this helps!! and thank you for following me @scrappydaisies !!

#scrappydaisies #min's rambles

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designerfieldnotes · 4 years ago

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Field Guide #1: A Designer’s Guide to Instagram

Photo from Unsplash.com Photo taken by Luke van Zyl

Field Note #1: Make That First Post!

The entire point of being on social media is to get connected with other people who have similar interests. People cannot connect, or even become interested in what you are interested in if you aren't posing. Social Buddy(1) states “Aim to post on Instagram between one to three times per day increases your engagement.” A good start if this seems like too much is posting one every other day on your feed, but post daily on your stories. Also don't forget to post your feed in your story. Numerous people see your story before your feed because it shows up at the top. Use this to your advantage!

Field Note #2: Show Your Personality

Think about it, bread is dry on its own. No one ever says, “oh man let me get a piece of bread and eat it for lunch! Yum, delicious!” It's all about what you add to the bread that makes it delicious. The bread in this scenario is your instagram page, nothing is there, however you need to make a sandwich, I mean be present on social media. Maybe you add some butter (that's like you filling out an interesting bio and adding a photo)! Awesome, we're off to a great start! Now, add meat and cheese. This would be like your first few posts on your account. The more you add to your sandwich the better it gets. Don't rush to this process, the best sandwich is layered!

Field Note #3: Show your fun side! (Don't be all work and no play)

No one wants to only be pushed to buy. “Look at this poster I made, it's $15!” or “Oh, look at this shirt I designed, it's $25 and limited in stock!” You are not Target, you are not just here to only sell. You're here to give it a story, a backdrop, a brief insight on you as a person. Dont be afraid to show non-art related posts. Show pictures of your dog or cat, or your house plants, or what your latest hobby is. Even if you aren’t into many other things, tell people what you favourite tv shows are or the movies you are watching. What video games do you play? What are your favourite local shops? What is your go-to coffee order? What supplies have you bought recently or what kind of clothing shops do you like? Post your favorite TikToks. Get people interested in YOU, and what makes you happy! Many people will post these kinds of things in their stories, it builds engagement in a small, meaningful way. You don't have to get too invasive or hyper-personal, but make sure people know you are not a robot. People want to know who is behind the screen, show them you are a real person with real interests and goals.

Field Note #4 : Document your process!

If you are working on a new project, don't be afraid to post about it as you go along. Sha'an d'Anthes, aka Furry Little Peach, (2) does this well on her instagram page. She shows pictures of her sketches, color pallets, ect. She shows her process. Don’t be afraid to show your process! You don't have to do this all live. You can complete it first and then post later (which is highly recommended). This allows you to enjoy the process and not worry what others may think. Don't forget to live in the moment! If documenting everything is preventing you from enjoying it, don't do it. Think of it as a concert, sure you want to get a couple photos, a video or two, but don't rob yourself from the experience purely for views.

Field Note #5: Have Fun & Make Friends!

Instagram is like a playground! So much is going, and it's easy to get lost. Instagram is important for getting your work out there, but never indicative of true success. You want to make a following who has similar interests to you. That's why making posts about your interests are just as important as the ones about your work. You are more likely to connect with people with similar interests. Follow people whose work you enjoy. Don’t be afraid to comment, like, and share. See who they are following and their interests. Who knows, maybe you will find someone who loves hopscotch just as much as you do.

Works Cited:

https://unsplash.com/photos/Fs1hfkNOGsQ

https://socialbuddy.com/how-often-should-you-post-on-instagram/

https://www.instagram.com/furrylittlepeach/

#social media #instagram #fieldnotes #design #illustration

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derxwnakapsyla · 6 years ago

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my official review of the calamity mod for terraria is as such:

it has a lot of fun elements to it, the quality of life elements are outstanding. the bosses it adds are a decent difficulty respective to when you fight them (the desert scourge isn’t a hard boss fight since it’s early game still, while providence is. pretty fucking painful, since it’s the first post moon lord boss) and in general, once you get the hang of them, they’re pretty fun to fight (bobbing and weaving through the devourer of gods attacks is really cool). some of the items feel a bit broken at times, but i’d wager that it’s because they haven’t been fine tuned, or it’s because i was never not fully stanced up with potions and money for reforging. another thing i like is the introduction of lore elements; terraria by itself doesn’t have lore, which i find absolutely okay, but this mod gives most every boss some sort of back story or quip by who we expect to be the final boss. the music is also absolutely phenomenal and if you haven’t heard any of it yet then click these links and educate yourself because good lord it’s amazing (be warned, all of them are spoilers)

i think my only big complaint about the mod itself has nothing to do with the difficulty per se, or the items per se, or the lore per se. as you can see, it’s not that i have issues with those specifically, it’s the existence of something else that pervades within those three; the level of memery/joking/slightly fourth-wall breaking condescension at some points. there’s things such as an enemy called the “devourer of thots”, an add that the devourer of gods spawns during revengenace mode. alone it’s pretty innocuous, and if that was the only thing i don’t think i’d have an issue, but i wouldn’t comment if there wasn’t other things. there’s also the elemental’s (storm, brimstone, desert, etc) items, which are accessories that give you a minion when equipped; these are refereed to as “[elemental] waifu” (brimstone waifu, stormy waifu, etc). i feel like it’s... a bit too on the nose? i dont mind it but it, along with their designs, feel very. deliberate, which comes off as slightly jarring at times. there’s also a weapon called the lacerator that has the tooltip “someone thought this was a viable weapon to use against the [devourer of gods} lol”, which is apparently a micromeme within the mod’s community. you could make the argument that said tooltip was written by the same person who tells you the lore, but considering it was added post-discovery of the cheese and nerf to the weapon, i’m inclined to believe otherwise. these are just a few of the things that come to mind that irk me slightly about the mod itself, but they weren’t enough to turn me away from it.

tl;dr calamity is a pretty good mod that has fun ideas and executes them pretty decently. it does have a few weak points, but they aren’t too bad in the greater picture of the mod. if you’re looking for a way to enhance your terraria experience, give yourself more things to do, more toys to play with, i highly recommend this mod, afterall,

who doesn’t love a weapon that can make it rain boulders from the sky.

#long post #terraria #calamity mod

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vaalinors · 7 years ago

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you’re the anchor (that i tied to my brain)

Edward Elric to the last jedi 9 pm DON’T BE FUCKING LATE IM TALKIN TO U YAO: pray tell where the fuck is my brother

Edward Elric: it is 8 o fucking clock

Edward Elric: im locked the fuck out of the house

Edward Elric: and al STILL ISN’T BACK FROM HIS GODFUCK SHITHOLE DATE

Paninya: ed take a deep breath n hurl urself into a pond or smth

Paninya: als been freakin out about mei for at least 38478392 years now

Paninya: let him relieve his thirst

Paninya: AND BTW THIS IS UR OWN DAMN FAULT

Edward Elric: how in The FUCK???? is this MY FAULT??????

Paninya: u couldve had a perfectly gross dorm on campus bUT NO U HAD TO BE BOUJEE N RENT AN APARTMENT WITH UR BROTHER

Edward Elric: IM ONLY LOCKED OUT BC AL LOST HIS GODDAMN KEY AND I

Edward Elric: BEING THE SAINTLY BROTHER THAT I AM

Ling Yao: w0w thats a lie

Edward Elric: GAVE HIM MINE AND NOW I GOTTA SCREAM AT HIM TILL HE PUTS HIS TONGUE BACK IN HIS OWN MOUTH AND COMES THE FUCK BACK

Winry Rockbell: u reeaaallly dont gotta

Paninya: have u heard??? of this thing??????

Paninya: called????? pm?????????????

Paninya: bc its a thing u could use to bitch at al without annoyin the entire shit outta the rest of us

Ling Yao: lol lan fans at her grandpas rn and her phone cant be put on silent

Ling Yao: shes going to kick ur ass

Edward Elric: IM gonna kick ALS ass if he doesnt show up in the next half hour I DONT CARE IF HES ON A FUCKIN DATE

Ling Yao: may i remind u my sister is the girl ur brothers currently wooing

Ling Yao: u do that and lan fan wont be the only one kicking ur ass

Edward Elric: what think u can take me weakLing

Ling Yao: uh duh but i was talking about mei

Edward Elric: PLS shes what half a foot tall????? PLSSSSSSS

Lan Fan: so twice as tall as you

Edward Elric: DO,,,,,U WANT,,,,,,.,TO FUCKING DIE,,,,,,,.,.,,,,

Lan Fan: edward

Lan Fan: i am at my grandfathers house

Lan Fan: my phone is ringing so loud my neighbors think their doorbells r broken

Lan Fan: my grandfather is ready to smash it into oblivion

Lan Fan: if he does we WILL be reliving 3/10 and youll be tasting a lot more than just your stomach acid when im done with you

Lan Fan: do not make me sneak out of training to answer you again

Paninya: Rekt™

Ling Yao: mic drop

Edward Elric: psh whatever

Edward Elric: u fuckers think 3/10 scared me

Edward Elric: GUESS FUCKING AGAIN

Edward Elric: FUCKING C O M E A T M E

Paninya: o look shes typing

Edward Elric: anyway im gonna pm al goodnight and thank u

Winry Rockbell to is it gay to want to literally drink ushers voice: OI AL how was the date

Winry Rockbell: I WANT DETAILS

Edward Elric: if anyone wants to know how to be the Creepiest Fucking Person Ever

Edward Elric: talk to winry

Winry Rockbell: well seeing that i won best ed impression two years in a row now id say i do indeed know

Edward Elric: HAR DE HAR

Edward Elric: u think u fucking know me???

Alphonse Elric: Is it hard?

Paninya: yea all u rlly gotta do is yell fuck a lot

Alphonse Elric: Put ur hair in a braid with one obnoxious ass strand sticking right up

Winry Rockbell: dont forget u have to crouch down

Winry Rockbell: i recommend kneeling

Edward Elric: dont think i cant deck all u shitdicks

Ling Yao: ive just annoyed the info out of my sister

Ling Yao: it seems al is quite the casanova

Ling Yao: clearly not a family trait BUT

Edward Elric: i will piss in ur backpack

Ling Yao: case in point

Ling Yao: ANYWAYS UPDATE ON THE BET FRONT

Ling Yao: as im sure u all know ned, roy mustang and i have had an ongoing wager AKA who can wrangle the most freshies into joining his club

Ling Yao: well as of today the martial arts/dance troupe has 20 more members

Edward Elric: BULLSHIT

Ling Yao: and i believe that pulls me ahead of ned to tie evenly with mustang

Ling Yao: and really would any of u choose archery over martial arts??

Paninya: tbh i choose social life over any clubs but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edward Elric: basic bitch

Paninya: u kno it

Paninya: but srsly wtf shifty how did u get 20 new members so fast

Lan Fan: he showed off and gave his number out to like half of them

Ling Yao: :O how could u EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS

Ling Yao: I tRuSTeD YOu

Lan Fan: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edward Elric: just u fuckin wait ling

Edward Elric: ill leave both u asshats in the GROUND

Alphonse Elric: I mean first u have to

Alphonse Elric: Yknow

Alphonse Elric: Be taller than the ground

Edward Elric: I LIVE WITH U I CAN MAKE UR LIFE FUCKING MISERABLE U HEAR

Winry Rockbell to kyle ron WHOMST???: so about laser tag this weekend

Winry Rockbell: invite lings sister yay or nay

Lan Fan: why not

Rosé Thomas: It’d even us out

Rebecca Catalina: does it even matter tbh we all kno whichever team rizas on is gonna win

Riza Hawkeye: Catalina i resent that statement

Rebecca Catalina: pls point to me where thE LIE IS HAWKEYE

Winry Rockbell: ok then

Winry Rockbell added Mei Chang to the chat

Paninya: EY UVE JUST BECOME PART OF THE MESS THAT IS US SOPHS

Maria Ross: and a few seniors

Paninya: WE’RE BASICALLY A KPOP GROUP BUT BETTER (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Lan Fan: ok we’re going laser tagging this weekend you in

Mei Chang: i feel like i may die if i say no so as long as my idiot brother isn’t going i’m in

Paninya to could u actually perhaps makin bacon pancakes: [DELETED MESSAGE]

Ling Yao: wot

Alphonse Elric: Whos going laser tagging

Winry Rockbell: pan ffs

Paninya: (◔◡◔✿)

Edward Elric: fuckin RUDE

Lan Fan to Panko: what is it

Panko: i have no idea what u mean my dear

Lan Fan: uve been typing for an hour now AND i can hear your teeth grinding from my room

Panko: i have no idea what u could be referring to my sweet

Panko: i just wanna kno how ur days been

Lan Fan: this is about ling isnt it

Panko: dear

Panko: u used an emoji

Panko: u never use emojis

Lan Fan: look i get that youre just looking out for me

Lan Fan: but its fine and so am i

Lan Fan: i really dont need a pity heart to heart

Lan Fan: besides hed give out his number to everyone in the world if he could thats just who he is

Panko: well ur not wrong

Panko: is it bad to say im so glad i rarely have to deal with bois

Lan Fan: girls can be idiots too

Panko: ppl in general usually r

Alphonse Elric to WE CANT KEEP DOWN ALL THAT VODKA ON KRAFT MAC N CHEESE: So i cant feel

Ling Yao: mY FACE WHEN IM WITH U

Alphonse Elric: That and the rest of my body

Alphonse Elric: How is one person so funny and sweet and amazing

Paninya: MY SON HES IN LOVE YALL

Paninya: ITS TRUE FUCKIN LOVE

Paninya: ELRIC 2.0 TEXT ME IF U NEED ANYTHIN

Paninya: CONDOMS

Winry Rockbell: oh god

Paninya: BIRTH CONTROL

Edward Elric: PAN WHAT THE FUCK U THINK AL KNOWS WHAT A CONDOM IS

Paninya: HE IS A HORNY TEENAGE BOI I BET U MY ENTIRE ASS HES USED ONE BEFORE

Lan Fan: PANINYA

Mei Chang: uh

Paninya: oh fuck

Ling Yao: mei so it was U that made that balloon fart noise just now

Lan Fan: ling kindly shut up

Edward Elric: SO AL ISNT BREATHING I THINK HES DEAD

Edward Elric: HES BEEN STARING AT HIS PHONE FOR 10 MINS NOW FUCK WHAT DO I DO

Paninya: CALL 911 U MORON

Lan Fan: where do you live i know CPR

Ling Yao: thats hot

Winry Rockbell: MEI PRETEND U CANT READ

Mei Chang: er i can’t read suddenly i don’t know

Ling Yao: (╯°□°)╯now she gives in to the memes

Edward Elric: ok nvm hes alive

Edward Elric: buT I M NOT GONNA BE FUC KBRB RUNNINGgh

Paninya: rip in peace

Alphonse Elric to how Extra™ do u gotta be to come up with fuccboi: So we’re still down for gta tomorrow right

Alphonse Elric: Ed cant make it because i killed him

Ling Yao: the old ed cant come to the phone right now

Ling Yao: why

Edward Elric: because hes going to cut off lings fucking elbows

Roy Mustang: can you even reach his fingers

Edward Elric: listeN HERE U liL SHIT

Alphonse Elric kicked Edward Elric from the chat

Ling Yao: thats cold

Ling Yao added Edward Elric to the chat

Roy Mustang: i knew it couldnt last

Edward Elric: if any of u polefucks ever want to know how to get ling to do something bother lan fan

Ling Yao: try it again and i will Key Your Face

Ling Yao: she has a physics test tomorrow

Alphonse Elric: Wow

Roy Mustang: :O

Jean Havoc: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Edward Elric: i got the beer for tmr night

Alphonse Elric: Damn right u do im not letting u in otherwise

Edward Elric: ignore asshurt over here hes pissed i embarrassed him in front of his date

Roy Mustang: at least he has one

Jean Havoc: yeah have u ever had a girlfriend edward??

Denny Brosh: Do you know what a woman is ned????

Edward Elric has left the chat

Ling Yao to Good Shit ✔💯: hey lan fan

Ling Yao: LAN FAAAAAN

Good Shit ✔💯: what

Ling Yao: guess who i just saw in chem doodling one miss rockbells name on his hw

Good Shit ✔💯: no

Ling Yao: oh yes

Ling Yao: i wanted to take a pic but ed decided to be a good student and tore it off before handing it in

Good Shit ✔💯: does he even try in chem

Ling Yao: no but at least he doesnt fall asleep like he does in lit

Good Shit ✔💯: hemingway puts everyone to sleep

Good Shit ✔💯: read some brontë or steinbeck

Good Shit ✔💯: id say dickens too but anti Semitism and all

Ling Yao: i love it when u talk lit to me

Ling Yao: reminds me of when u used to sneak into our library and read the biggest books u could find

Good Shit ✔💯: better than you climbing up the side of my house to sneak into my room

Ling Yao: pls u loved it

Good Shit ✔💯: debatable

Good Shit ✔💯: club meetings today dont forget

Ling Yao: how can i ur always here to remind me ;)

Winry Rockbell added Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, Maria Ross, and Rebecca Catalina to ROSE TYLER DEFENSE SQUAD WHERE YALL AT

Winry Rockbell: just so we’re clear friday nights a byob sitch

Lan Fan: well wade was totally off

Ling Yao: atta girl

Paninya: wow and here i was thinkin byob meant bug ur own business

Edward Elric: what the utter fuck

Alphonse Elric: Dont act coy u LIVED a bugs life ed

Winry Rockbell: BRING YOUR OWN BOTTLE CAPICHE

Winry Rockbell: jesus now ive got the kim possible theme song stuck in my head

Edward Elric: if one of u picks yoshi i will e n d u

Paninya: no promises n its not our fault yoshi pushed ur fool ass off mushroom gorge that one time

Rebecca Catalina: LMAOOO

Edward Elric: that demonic fucking dinosaur needs to go extinct

Roy Mustang: since brosh doesnt give a shit do we want to make this a floor thing

Ling Yao: i see what ur doing mercedes benz u sneak ass

Roy Mustang: you caught up yao i can finally start trying

Edward Elric: news flash fuckers i got 5 more ppl today u can both suck my ASS

Winry Rockbell: ok but keep it small

Lan Fan: ,,,,,,,

Maria Ross: this is why timing’s important kids

Ling Yao: how much smaller could his butt get

Roy Mustang: are we even be able to locate it

Rebecca Catalina: does ned even have a torso????

Edward Elric: I HOPE U ALL ROT IN HELL

Paninya changed the chat name to eds ass is bigfoot pass it on

Winry Rockbell to Mulan but Better: is it weird that i cant stop smiling at ed

Winry Rockbell: hes sleeping in the chair across from me

Mulan but Better: a bit

Winry Rockbell: yeah

Winry Rockbell: hes such a nerd

Mulan but Better: but hes your nerd

Roy Mustang changed the chat name to WHO TE HFUCKS IDEA WAS IT O MAKE THIS AFLOOR THING

Edward Elric changed the chat name to URS U FUCKING CURLY STRAW

Paninya to wubba lubba dub dub: all of u need to see this Spicy™ video of ed from last night

Winry Rockbell: pan its 9 fucking am

Winry Rockbell: who tf is up that cares

Paninya: o dont u worry winnie the pooh

Lan Fan: yep shes still drunk

Paninya: i think ed will when he stops groaning in the bathroom there

Paninya sent a video in the chat

Paninya: srsly im postin this on ig later

Winry Rockbell: SHIT thats loud

Alphonse Elric: What the fuck is that

Riza Hawkeye: Is

Riza Hawkeye: Is he singing mad world

Paninya: u bet ur blonde ass he is

Lan Fan: was this after we took turns playing yoshi and demolishing him in mario kart

Paninya: u bet ur toned ass it was

Winry Rockbell: paninya i can barely hear anything over u shouting STRIP STRIP STRIP in the bg

Ling Yao: edward really is tone deaf isnt he

Ling Yao: oh hes stopped puking

Ling Yao: hes looking at his phone

Alphonse Elric: Rip in peace our bloodshot eyes

Edward Elric: wHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS IS THAT

Edward Elric: WHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS

Edward Elric: WHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS DID U ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS DO TO MY PHONE

Ling Yao: HAHAHAHA OH MY GOD

Roy Mustang: dear jesus what is happening

Paninya: oH MY WHICH ONE OF U DID THIS

Paninya: I WILL K I S S U

Mei Chang: there is way too much shouting this goddamn early in the morning

Ling Yao: while u were busy cackling over that video i may or may not have convinced lan fan to steal eds phone

Edward Elric: U ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS BETTER ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS FIX MY ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS PHONE OR IM ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS

Jean Havoc: hes like an infuriated duck with a lisp

Roy Mustang: siri what is the tiniest species of duck

Edward Elric: U WANNA ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS FIGHT

Paninya: pls tell me one of u hungover fucks is gettin this on video

Mei Chang: lan fan u okay?

Lan Fan: yeah too much shouting i have a headache

Lan Fan: add me back when ed calms down (◕ ‿ ◕✿)

Lan Fan has left the chat

Paninya: hey ed ill bet even yoshi can say fuck

Edward Elric: FOR ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS SAKE

Lan Fan to Guns n Roses: hey

Lan Fan: i dont know where you are rn

Lan Fan: im still sort of hungover and i kind of need someone to talk to who isnt going to get angry or

Lan Fan: try and rationalize everything and well

Lan Fan: do you ever just wish that things could change

Lan Fan: that you could be someone entirely different or that you could get out and leave and not give a damn about anything or anyone or

Lan Fan: because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Guns n Roses: Okay i was at work but i’m coming back right now

Guns n Roses: And i’m going to get you tea and you’re going to tell me whatever you want to tell me okay??

Lan Fan: thanks

Paninya to ID SING OH CANADA TOO IF MY PM HAD AN ASS LIKE THAT: ok but for real

Paninya: dicks r like mushrooms

Paninya: little funny gross mushrooms

Rosé Thomas: Paninya you’re high go home

Paninya: oh sweet flower i wish i was

Winry Rockbell: its 4 fucking am GO TO SLEEP

Paninya: time is an illusion

Paninya to TRICKY tricky TRICKY tricky: i crave the sweet release of death

Edward Elric: FUCKING KARMA

Winry Rockbell: i could hear u playing music at 5 am again today why tf have u been up so late

Paninya: my roommate was screaming french at me

Paninya: she has a test today

Paninya: also

Paninya added Lan Fan to the chat

Paninya: LAN FANNNNNNNN

Lan Fan: i didnt do the psych hw paninya

Lan Fan: and run-dmc doesnt deserve this subpar treatment

Alphonse Elric: Lan fan

Alphonse Elric: Lings been looking for u

Lan Fan: i know its ok dont worry about it

Edward Elric: A FUCKING BIRD JUST SHAT ON MY HEAD

Paninya: what was that????? u said???????

Paninya: about karma?????????

Edward Elric: WHAT IS THIS LITERAL SHIT ON ED DAY

Lan Fan: is that not everyday

Edward Elric: I WILL FIGHT ALL U ASSDICKS

Lan Fan: 3/10 edward

Edward Elric: i will fight me for only i myself am the one assdick here thank u amen and goodbye

Lan Fan to Literal Monkey™: so i hear you were looking for me

Literal Monkey™: that depends

Literal Monkey™: what did i do lan fan

Literal Monkey™: did i say something

Literal Monkey™: tell me what i did that made you so upset at me

Literal Monkey™: if i did something im sorry i really am but you cant just disappear and not even tell me whats wrong

Lan Fan: i know

Lan Fan: it wasnt you i just

Lan Fan: my grandfathers relapse and its been rough with classes lately

Lan Fan: it kind of hit me that i cant always afford to be chill all the time

Lan Fan: sorry ive been mia

Literal Monkey™: well now i feel like a dick

Literal Monkey™: ur my best friend lan fan and i think ive gotten so used to u being near i freak out when ur not

Literal Monkey™: i guess it kind of says something about me that might not be a good thing

Literal Monkey™: especially since i climbed the side of ur house to see if u went back home and u werent there

Lan Fan: you w h a t

Ling Yao to Frying Pan: in hindsight

Ling Yao: i prob shouldnt have told her about the climbing

Ling Yao: shes not talking to me again

Frying Pan: u done fucked up boiii

Ling Yao: so will u tell me whats really wrong with her now

Frying Pan: not a chance boiii

Winry Rockbell to Wannabe Alchemist: hey i know its kind of sudden

Winry Rockbell: and u prob have other things to do

Wannabe Alchemist: nah im free shoot

Winry Rockbell: could u maybe come with me this weekend

Wannabe Alchemist: …are u sure

Wannabe Alchemist: i mean of course ill go hell even if i had a meeting with the goddamn president id skip it to go anywhere with u

Wannabe Alchemist: but i dont want to overstep my right or anything

Winry Rockbell: no ed u could never impose

Winry Rockbell: its just been kind of a shit year

Winry Rockbell: i dont know if i can handle going to visit them alone this time

Wannabe Alchemist: dont worry im there for u

Wannabe Alchemist: whatever u need

Winry Rockbell: i

Winry Rockbell: thanks ed

Wannabe Alchemist: theyd be proud of u win

Winry Rockbell: :)

Winry Rockbell: not to degrade ur sentiment or anything because damn ed u can be sweet

Winry Rockbell: but id do buttfuck anything besides meet with our president

Wannabe Alchemist: i read that as u would butt fuck anything but shit u right

Mei Chang to “3/10 WASNT EVEN THAT BAD” famous last words: paninya was that you outside my school trying to sell taylor swift tshirts

Lan Fan: paninya what the hell

Paninya: ok HS GIRLS EAT TSWIFT UP

Mei Chang: you looked stalkerish as hell my principal was going to call the police

Winry Rockbell: just burn them in a rusty can like the ratchet ho u are

Paninya: what is This Disrespect™ n pls im not gonna burn them that merch cost me lk 984759 bucks

Lan Fan: sounds fake but ok

Ling Yao: and why tf would u sell them taylor swift is finally getting interesting

Winry Rockbell: yeah shes finally being savage af isnt this what u signed up for

Paninya: hey i signed up for Drama Taylor

Paninya: this is just plain whoring for attention

Alphonse Elric: Not sure those terms are mutually exclusive

Edward Elric: HOLY FUCK

Lan Fan: speaking of whoring for attention

Edward Elric: I GOT MUSTANG TO PLAY LEAGUE

Edward Elric: went straight for brand the dumb fucking pyromaniac

Alphonse Elric: Can i just remind u that ur first time ur jerk ass went right for garen

Edward Elric: GAREN is a PERFECTLY FUCKING GOOD CHAMPION TO GO FOR WHEN UR A NOOB DUMBASS

Alphonse Elric: Sounds fake but ok

Ling Yao: and a bit like neds trying to compensate for something

Edward Elric: U ALL AINT SHIT

Lan Fan: its yaint

Ling Yao: u uncultured fuck

Paninya: k first of all lol is a game for 13 year old prepubescent boys

Lan Fan: so perfect for edward

Edward Elric: DONT FUCKING TRY U KNOW UR A HO FOR AKALI

Edward Elric: ,,,,,,,,dont say 3/10 u know i would rather fucking die

Lan Fan: then perish

Alphonse Elric: Ed did U make that whale noise

Winry Rockbell: the real question here is paninya???? can actually spell???????? words???????? whAT??????

Paninya: SECOND OF ALL any of u want tswift shirts hmu (◡‿◡✿)

Edward Elric: taylor swift is fucking great why the fuck would u sell them

Winry Rockbell: ………..

Alphonse Elric: ……………………

Paninya: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Lan Fan changed the chat name to ill take edward elric is fake Punk Rock™ for 800 alex

Edward Elric: OI U CAN BE PUNK ROCK AND STILL LISTEN TO GUILTY PLEASURE POP

Winry Rockbell: SOUNDS FAKE BUT OK

Rosé Thomas added Mei Chang, Alphonse Elric, Edward Elric, Roy Mustang, and Riza Hawkeye to Unnamed

Paninya changed the chat name to PROJECT LINGFAN

Paninya: ALRIGHT LISTEN UP

Alphonse Elric: What the hell is lingfan

Paninya: PLS WITHHOLD ALL QUESTIONS TILL THE END OF THE BRIEFING MY PRECIOUS CHILD

Winry Rockbell: she continues??? to spell????? correctly???????? what i am amazed?????????????

Paninya: ROCKBELL FULL OFFENSE STFU

Winry Rockbell: rude

Paninya: SO EVERYONE HERE KNOWS OUR GOOD FRIEND LING YAO AKA SHIFTY AKA MONKEY BOI AKA CO-PRES OF THE MARTIAL ARTS/DANCE TROUPE YEA

Mei Chang: if i say no can i leave

Paninya: AND EVERYONE ALSO KNOWS MY SPICY GIRL LIGHT OF MY LIFE LAN FAN AKA DEFINITION OF BADASS AKA EDS WORST NIGHTMARE AKA CO-PRES OF THE MARTIAL ARTS/DANCE TROUPE YEA

Edward Elric: she is not my worst fucking nightmare

Mei Chang: so you don’t turn into a stuttering baby every time she brings up 3/10

Edward Elric: U WERENT THERE U DONT FUCKING K N O W

Paninya: AND EVERYONE HERE KNOWS THAT THOSE 2 HAVE THE BIGGEST RAGING BONERS FOR EACH OTHER THAT ANYONES EVER FUCKIN SEEN YEA

Winry Rockbell: i feel like there was a better way of putting that

Edward Elric: wait hold THE FUCK UP ur fucking with me right

Roy Mustang: yes edward

Roy Mustang: she made an entire separate chat and invited all these people just so she could fuck with you

Alphonse Elric: Thats literally what the normal group chat is for wtf ned

Edward Elric: what the UTTER FUCK???? LING AND LAN FAN????????

Rosé Thomas: You were right winry he’s blind

Alphonse Elric: Dude how the hell are u so ignorant

Riza Hawkeye: Edward are you really unaware of this

Edward Elric: HOW DO U ALL KNOW ABOUT THIS WHAT THE FUCK

Roy Mustang: id ask if you saw them at the floor party but i remembered you were too busy practicing for your x factor audition

Paninya: OK ED SINCE UR CLEARLY THE OBLIVIOUSEST FUCKING PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE GODDAMN PLANET

Winry Rockbell: obliviousest

Winry Rockbell: i knew it wouldnt last

Paninya: LET ME JUST HIT U WITH SOME EXAMPLES

Paninya: LAN FAN NEVER BLUSHES UNLESS U MENTION LING TO HER AND THEYVE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE C H I L D H O O D

Paninya: WHEN LAN FAN SHATTERED HER ARM IN FRESHMAN YEAR LING CARRIED HER HALFWAY TO THE DAMN HOSPITAL AND SLEPT NEXT TO HER SICKBED FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK SHE WAS THERE

Roy Mustang: he threatened to and i quote ‘key your face’ if you bothered her again

Winry Rockbell: lan fan only shattered her arm that time because some dumbass thugs tried to jump ling in order to threaten his dad

Mei Chang: whenever lan fan doesnt answer him right away he gets all huffy and paces for hours and checks his phone like 500 times until she replies LIKE SHE ALWAYS DOES

Paninya: LITERALLY TODAY OK RIZA CAN CONFIRM IM WALKIN TO MEET LAN FAN FOR PSYCH AND I SEE HER PRACTICING A FUCKING KARATE MOVE OR SOME SHIT WITH LING ON THE QUAD

Paninya: SHE STARTS LAUGHING AND I SWEAR ON MY FANTASTIC ASS LING STARES AT HER FOR 10 WHOLE MINS

Paninya: SHES BENDING HIS LEG FARTHER THAN ANY LEG SHOULD BEND AND HES LOOKING AT HER LIKE SHES THE ONLY DAMN THING WORTH KNOWING IN THE ENTIRE FUCKIN UNIVERSE

Paninya: THIS HAS BEEN HAPPENIN FOR YEARS I CANT EVEN WITH THEIR UNNECESSARY ANGST ANYMORE

Paninya: THEY NEED TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER BEFORE I ACTUALLY FUCKIN EXPLODE JFC (╯✿◕益◕)╯︵ ┻━┻

Riza Hawkeye: That is indeed what happened

Rosé Thomas: And that’s why we made this chat

Rosé Thomas: So all of you can experience our pain

Edward Elric: ,,,,,,

Alphonse Elric: Seriously wtf is a lingfan

Mei Chang to pacific rim uprising is the sequel we didnt know we wanted and always needed no one fight me on this: you all know my name is mei right

Paninya: first time im hearin it

Mei Chang: because my calc teacher doesnt

Winry Rockbell: oh god what does he call u

Mei Chang: literally ‘mee’

Edward Elric: RIP IN FUCKING PEACE

Paninya: wot in tarnation

Ling Yao: u mean wot in pronunciation

Mei Chang: mee-eye is okay and mYE sure but MEE

Paninya: dw a teacher called me panYEA once lk??? bless u????

Edward Elric: omfg PETITION TO CALL PANINYA PANYEAH FROM NOW ON

Lan Fan: panno

Winry Rockbell: a teacher called me wine-ry in fifth grade like how in the actual fuck could u mess win-ree up

Edward Elric: maybe bc u were indeed hella whiny

Winry Rockbell: at least she knew i was there u were too smol to see over the table

Alphonse Elric: Better loud than nonexistent

Edward Elric: GTFO AL I WAS FUCKING TALLER THAN U

Paninya: “was”

Mei Chang: in any case i’m done trying to correct him hello yes my name is mee

Ling Yao: and wen it nite

Paninya: wtf r u on ling yao n where can i get some

Winry Rockbell: its another fucking meme i stg lan fan pls control this boy

Lan Fan: the kalc teachre cannt saye it rhite

Ling Yao: vINdICatION

Edward Elric to PROJECT LINGFAN: fuck this they gotta be in love

Winry Rockbell to Mulan but Better: hey theyre selling stroop waffles outside the bio building

Winry Rockbell: i can grab some for u if ur in class

Winry Rockbell: wait is that u in line

Winry Rockbell: are u wearing a lab coat

Winry Rockbell: u ran out of class didnt u

Winry Rockbell: did u not even bother to take off ur goggles u look like a nerdy terminator

Winry Rockbell: how many are u buying holy shit ARE U STUFFING THEM IN UR LABORATORY COAT POCKETS

Winry Rockbell: DID U JUST N A R U T O R U N OUT OF THE QUAD

Mulan but Better: why are you still asking me you know the answers yes

Roy Mustang to My Queen™: theyre selling stroop waffles right now

My Queen™: Has ling gotten there yet

Roy Mustang: theyre no longer selling stroop waffles right now

Rosé Thomas to 7 excellents and LAN FAN THE WAFFLE TRAITOR: It’s official

Rosé Thomas: Mustang won the bet

Winry Rockbell: wow i forgot that was still going on

Maria Ross: how’s ed taking it

Rosé Thomas: Oh how you would think he’d take it

Paninya: EYYYY EDS GONNA ATTRACT THE CAMPUS POPO AGAIN

Roy Mustang to PROJECT LINGFAN (WHAT IS A LINGFAN SOMEONE TELL ME ALREADY): if ling lost the bet he had to choose

Roy Mustang: either actually outright confess to lan fan or end whatever it is they have

Paninya: Y TF WOULD U GIVE HIM THE SECOND OPTION ALL THEY NEED TO DO IS STOP DANCIN AROUND EACH OTHER N BANG

Alphonse Elric: Paninya its more complicated than that

Paninya: WHAT IN THE 7TH RING OF HELL COULD BE SO COMPLICATED ABOUT THIS

Mei Chang: long story short

Mei Chang: our familys shit deep in politics

Mei Chang: either ling gets in there shit deep too or hes married off

Edward Elric: well fuck

Rosé Thomas: Lan fan knows

Rosé Thomas: When she messaged me after the party i found out that this is why she was so upset

Rosé Thomas: Apparently a drunk ling told her that she should leave him because ‘he’s scared about what would happen if he stopped caring and she deserves better than a coward’

Paninya: well now i feel like shit

Mei Chang: welcome to my world

Mei Chang to Secret Swiftie: remember how you came to my school and almost got arrested

Mei Chang: a couple of girls are asking about your tshirts

Secret Swiftie: call it what u want is a fuckin eargasm I TAKE IT ALL BACK ALL OF IT

Secret Swiftie: I HAVE HEARD AN ACTUAL REAL LIFE A N G E L

Mei Chang: great i’ll tell them you died

Lan Fan to WHOS FAKE PUNK ROCK NOW U FILTHY FUCKING HYPOCRITES P A N I N Y A: has anyone seen my book

Paninya: what book is it

Lan Fan: howard’s end

Alphonse Elric: Forsters great

Winry Rockbell: sorry i havent

Lan Fan: its fine i probably left it in the studio

Ling Yao: oi i was just kicked out of the dining hall what kind of DISRESPECT

Paninya: k but u were eatin all the soup

Ling Yao: is that a crime now

Winry Rockbell: u took the entire pot ling

Lan Fan: you didnt even try to be stealthy about it you just ran back to your seat giggling

Mei Chang: how are they just kicking you out now

Lan Fan: oh they have he climbs back in through the window

Edward Elric: last week u complained the rice wasnt cooked

Ling Yao: have u????? had the rice here??????? itS C R U N C H Y

Edward Elric: jfc lower ur standards ur highness this is college

Lan Fan: you dont pay 70K a year to eat

Paninya: just suck it up lk the rest of us

Winry Rockbell: its either this or starve yao

Ling Yao: :O

Ling Yao changed the chat name to fake friends™

Alphonse Elric to cAn yOU FEeL iT Now mR KRAbs: What the everloving fuck do i have to murder to find out what the shit lingfan is?????¿¿¿¿¿

Lan Fan: …..

Alphonse Elric: Ah

Alphonse Elric: Wrong chat

Paninya: (✿◉‿◉)

Winry Rockbell: AL FOR THE LOV EOF

Winry Rockbell kicked Lan Fan from the chat

Winry Rockbell kicked Ling Yao from the chat

Mei Chang: you know they can still see previous messages

Edward Elric: fuckkkkkk

Paninya: well first time not directin this at edward

Paninya: duuuuuude u fucked up

Panko to Lan Fan: hey i saved u a seat in psych but u didnt look over

Panko: is this about kickin u out of the squad chat

Lan Fan: do they all know

Panko: uh kno what

Lan Fan: does everyone know paninya

Panko: if i answer will u promise not to disappear again

Panko: no one told anyone else about it if thats what ur angry about we all figured it out by ourselves

Panko: well except for ed but that boi is dumb af

Panko: n im not sayin u guys were obvious or anything it took a while until we saw it

Lan Fan: i think im going to go back to my grandfathers for the weekend

Panko: pls dont drop off the face of the earth again

Lan Fan: i wont i was going to go back anyway and space is good

Panko: ur not the only one in this lan fan

Panko: no matter how much u wont see it

Lan Fan: (◠‿◠✿)

Winry Rockbell to PROJECT LINGFAN (ALPHONSE ELRIC DONE FUCKED UP YALL): so lan fans gone

Winry Rockbell: when did u say ling had to make a choice mustang

Roy Mustang: i didnt??

Edward Elric: u said he had to make a decision and DIDNT GIVE HIM A SHITDAMN DEADLINE

Edward Elric: ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN NOW HONDA

Paninya: well thats just great chevrolet

Riza Hawkeye: You really didnt think this through bmw

Roy Mustang: wow at least i didnt blow our cover

Alphonse Elric: Dont throw me under the bus with u toyota at least im repentant

Paninya: alright well now that lamborgini royally fucked up

Winry Rockbell: “lamborgini”

Winry Rockbell: so close

Edward Elric: so what the fuck is gonna happen now

Winry Rockbell: ok mei can talk to ling bc she lives with him

Mei Chang: unfortunately

Rosé Thomas: I don’t know if lan fan will be willing to talk

Rosé Thomas: She used an emoji again

Mei Chang: actually i’ll talk to her someone else tackle my brother

Paninya: idk how to speak fuccboi language one of the guys gotta do it

Winry Rockbell: after roy and als fuckups who else can we choose

Edward Elric: RUDE

Roy Mustang: sit down you didnt even know they were a thing

Edward Elric: MAYBE BC I DONT POKE MY FUCKING NOSE INTO OTHER PPLS BUSINESS

Alphonse Elric: Well ofc u physically cant ned

Winry Rockbell: can u even see other ppl without platform shoes

Mei Chang: or a ladder

Edward Elric: UR FUCKING SHORTER THAN ME JFC

Paninya to milk: hate it, shouting: always, music taste: shite = I AM FORCIBLY SHUT INTO THE BODY OF A SIX YEAR OLD: RIZA TOLD ME THERE IS A PETTING ZOO 3 MILES AWAY YALL MEET AT MY CAR IN 5

Edward Elric: we’re already fucking here

Ling Yao: lol weve been here for an hour

Alphonse Elric: Mustangs been holding a komodo dragon for approx half that time

Mei Chang: winry drove us and there are llamas

Winry Rockbell: i am surrounded by puppies rn am i dead

Paninya: bitch u r to me im writin u all out of my will CLEARLY ALL MY M8S ARE SHIT

Ling Yao to Sister Mine: mei

Ling Yao: meiiiiiii

Sister Mine: i’m literally right next to you what

Ling Yao: have u ever seen lan fan with her hair down

Sister Mine: once during the floor party you all snuck me into

Sister Mine: why do you ask

Ling Yao: her hair tie broke a few days ago and she was fussing with it and i couldnt breathe

Sister Mine: when her hair is down??

Ling Yao: up, down, soaking, gone

Ling Yao: she takes my breath away, mei

Ling Yao: she takes my breath away no matter what she does, or say, or looks like and i am a coward

Sister Mine: you may be right

Ling Yao: are you ashamed of me?

Sister Mine: that depends

Sister Mine: what do you plan to do about it

Lan Fan to Literal Monkey™: hey i know its 5 am and youre probably not even awake and this is probably useless anyway considering ive been transparent as all hell

Lan Fan: but i dont think sleep is an option until i tell you

Lan Fan: youre ridiculous

Lan Fan: youre ridiculous and full of it and infuriating and reckless and beautiful and just so so idiotic

Lan Fan: id have to be too i guess

Lan Fan: to be in love with you even after all of it

Lan Fan: and i really am just that

Lan Fan: idiotic and in love with you

Literal Monkey™: thanks

Lan Fan: did you just breakfast at tiffanys me

Literal Monkey™: yes because you would understand it

Literal Monkey™: you understand lan fan

Literal Monkey™: every shitty meme or reference or word i say you’ll always always understand

Literal Monkey™: just like how you understand that im all those things you said i was

Literal Monkey™: im reckless and infuriating and indecisive and greedy and far too ridiculous to deserve you and you understand that

Literal Monkey™: and if youre idiotic for being in love with me then im a hundred times more and you understand why too

Lan Fan: i think you have too much faith in me

Literal Monkey™: i think you have too little

Literal Monkey™: come to your window

Lan Fan: what why

Literal Monkey™: because its hard to type when im barely holding onto your window frame and looking like a hero straight out of an austen novel and honestly id rather told you how much im in love with you in person

Literal Monkey™: convention and all that

Lan Fan: well alright then

Paninya changed the chat name to IT FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENED LADS LINGFAN IS REAL FUCKING CHRIST NO MORE ANGST I AM LIBERATEDDDD

Alphonse Elric: Great so can someone pls explain wtf a lingfan is now

Edward Elric: Read at 8:09 AM

FULL VERSION AND CONTINUATION HERE

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enfpstud · 8 years ago

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Exam Lifehacks: When You Only Have One Day Left

hi back again with this enfp over her in another island of an archipelago in ASEAN~ (godness im sorry im still such an awkward)

this is my continued masterpost after i posted the Exam Lifehacks: When You Still Have a Month Left << the link is linked ok whatever just click it if you want to read it too!!

i do love to make such this masterpost omg it challenges me a lot to do better, like try the methods and blah exercising on my english since its not my first language so if theres any grammar nazi i hope you die please dont bother to checking my grammar, but im trying my best so you guys could understand it;)

so, lets start it eh?

Watch Cute Videos

the picture suggests yall to watch cute animal videos to help you focusing based on a Japan research! you probably know that Sneezing Baby Panda video right? i know yall watched it, because its e v e r y w h e r e. so i’ll suggest you more cute animal videos (they’re so cute omg);

dont worry its all youtube links it wont redirect you anywhere else:)

Cats (kittens! i like them a lot<3)

[x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Dogs (who doesnt like puppies, like how?)

[x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Others (cutie cutie animals, i s2g)

[x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Eat Protein

ive experienced this one and this one works!!! really really super duper recommended method!!

ive this list of foods you should try to increase the protein inside your body!!

i searched it here but mostly, it worked on me, since not all of this food always available in my city:)

1. Eggs

Whole eggs

are among the healthiest and most nutritious foods on the planet.They are loaded with vitamins, minerals, healthy fats, eye-protecting

antioxidants

and brain nutrients that most people don’t get enough of.Whole eggs are high in protein, but egg whites are almost pure protein.

Protein content: 35% of calories in a whole egg. 1 large egg contains 6 grams of protein, with 78 calories.

2. Almonds

Almonds are a popular type of tree nut. They are loaded with important nutrients, including fiber, vitamin E, manganese and magnesium.

Protein content: 13% of calories. 6 grams per 1 ounce (28 g) serving, with 161 calories.

Other High-Protein Nuts

Pistachios (13% of calories) and cashews (11% of calories).

3. Chicken Breast

Chicken breast is one of the most popular protein-rich foods. If you eat it without the skin, the majority of the calories in it come from protein. Chicken breast is also very easy to cook, and tastes delicious if you do it right.

Protein content: 80% of calories. 1 roasted chicken breast without skin contains 53 grams, with only 284 calories.

4. Oats

Oats are among the healthiest grains on the planet. They are loaded with healthy fibers, magnesium, manganese, thiamin (vitamin B1) and several other nutrients.

Protein content: 15% of calories. Half a cup of raw oats contains 13 grams, with 303 calories.

5. Cottage Cheese

Cottage cheese is a type of cheese that tends to be very low in fat and calories. It is loaded with calcium, phosphorus, selenium, vitamin B12, riboflavin (vitamin B2) and various other nutrients.

Protein content: 59% of calories. A cup (226 g) of cottage cheese with 2% fat contains 27 grams of protein, with 194 calories.

Other Types of Cheese That Are High in Protein

Parmesan cheese (38% of calories), swiss cheese (30%), mozzarella (29%) and cheddar (26%).

6. Greek Yogurt

Greek yogurt, also called strained yogurt, is a very thick type of yogurt. It tastes delicious, has a creamy texture, and is high in many nutrients.

Protein content: Non-fat greek yogurt has protein at 48% of calories. One 170 gram (6 ounce) container has 17 grams of protein, with only 100 calories.

Just make sure to choose one without added sugar. Full-fat Greek yogurt is also very high in protein, but contains more calories.

Similar Options

Regular full-fat yogurt (24% of calories) and kefir (40%).

7. Milk

Milk is highly nutritious, but the problem is that a huge percentage of the world’s adults are intolerant to it. However, if you tolerate milk and enjoy drinking it, then milk can be an excellent source of high-quality protein. Milk contains a little bit of almost every single nutrient needed by the human body. It is particularly high in calcium, phosphorus and riboflavin (vitamin B2).

Protein content: 21% of calories. 1 cup of whole milk contains 8 grams of protein, with 149 calories.

8. Broccoli

Broccoli is an incredibly healthy vegetable, loaded with vitamin C, vitamin K, fiber and potassium. Broccoli is also loaded with various bioactive nutrients believed to help protect against cancer. Calorie for calorie, it is high in protein compared to most vegetables.

Protein content: 20% of calories. 1 cup of chopped broccoli (96 grams) contains 3 grams of protein, with only 31 calories.

9. Lean Beef

Lean beef is very high in protein, and also tastes delicious. It is loaded with highly bioavailable iron, vitamin B12 and numerous other nutrients.

Protein content: 53% of calories. One 3 ounce (85 g) serving of cooked beef with 10% fat contains 22 grams of protein, with 184 calories.

If you’re on a low-carb diet, feel free to eat fatty cuts of beef instead of lean beef.

10. Tuna

Tuna is a very popular type of fish. It is low in both fat and calories, so what we’re left with is mostly just protein. Like other fish, tuna is also very high in various nutrients and contains a decent amount of omega-3 fatty acids.

Protein content: 94% of calories, in tuna canned in water. A cup (154) contains 39 grams of protein, with only 179 calories.

11. Quinoa

Quinoa is a seed/grain that is currently among the world’s most popular superfoods. It is high in many vitamins, minerals and fiber, and is loaded with antioxidants. Quinoa has numerous health benefits.

Protein content: 15% of calories. One cup (185 g) of cooked quinoa contains 8 grams, with 222 calories.

12. Whey Protein Supplements

When you’re pressed for time and unable to cook, a whey protein supplement can come in handy. Whey is a type of high-quality protein from dairy foods, shown to be very effective at building muscle mass, and may help with weight loss.

Protein content: Varies between brands, can go over 90% of calories, with 20-50 grams of protein per serving.

13. Lentils

Lentils are a type of legume. They are high in fiber, magnesium, potassium, iron, folate, copper, manganese and various other nutrients. Lentils are among the world’s best sources of plant-based protein, and are an excellent food for vegetarians.

Protein content: 27% of calories. 1 cup (198 g) of boiled lentils contains 18 grams, with 230 calories.

Other High-Protein Legumes

Soybeans (33% of calories), chickpeas (19%) and kidney beans (24%).

14. Ezekiel Bread

Ezekiel bread is different from most other breads. It is made of organic and sprouted whole grains and legumes, including millet, barley, spelt, wheat, soybeans and lentils. Compared to most breads, ezekiel bread is very high in protein, fiber and various nutrients.

Protein content: 20% of calories. 1 slice contains 4 grams, with 80 calories.

15. Pumpkin Seeds

Pumpkins contain edible seeds called pumpkin seeds. They are incredibly high in many nutrients, including iron, magnesium and zinc.

Protein content: 14% of calories. 1 ounce (28 g) contains 5 grams of protein, with 125 calories.

Other High-Protein Seeds

Flax seeds (12% of calories), sunflower seeds (12%) and chia seeds (11%).

16. Turkey Breast

Turkey breast is similar to chicken breast in many ways. It consists mostly of protein, with very little fat and calories. It also tastes delicious.

Protein content: 70% of calories. One 3 ounce (85 g) serving contains 24 grams, with 146 calories.

17. Fish (All Types)

Fish is incredibly healthy, for various reasons. It is loaded with various important nutrients, and tends to be very high in heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids.

Protein content: Highly variable. Salmon is 46% protein, with 19 grams per 3 ounce (85 g) serving, with 175 calories.

18. Shrimp

Shrimp is a type of seafood. It is low in calories, but loaded with various nutrients, including selenium and vitamin B12. Like fish, shrimp also contains plenty of omega-3 fatty acids.

Protein content: 90% of calories. A 3 ounce (85 g) serving contains 18 grams, with only 84 calories.

19. Brussels Sprouts

The Brussels sprout is another high-protein vegetable, related to broccoli. It is very high in fiber, vitamin C and other nutrients.

Protein content: 17% of calories. Half a cup (78 g) contains 2 grams of protein, with 28 calories.

20. Peanuts

Peanuts are incredibly delicious. They are high in protein, fiber, magnesium and many studies show that they can help you lose weight. Peanut butter is also high in protein, just make sure not to eat too much as it is quite “more-ish.”

Protein content: 16% of calories. One ounce (28 g) contains 7 grams, with 159 calories.

OMG that sounds so formal im so sorry lol. but here a warn, do not eat it “too much” because “too mush” is never ever good. yea i once got sick because over-protein lol

Make a Checklist

this is important! and if you most likely to rush something or even everything, you should try this because you probably will forget even just a little important thing!!

just dont forget to bring whatever needed in your exam, i personally dont like to use my friends’ pen because its kinda uncomfortable, sooo i know you know we all know this is one of the major importance!

Don’t Bother Cramming

this is actually true but i still found it hard to do...

but one thing that always true, LET YOUR BRAIN REST!!

Sleep on It!

never ever dare to try to not sleeping before exam!! it kills you and your health!!!! your health is as much important as your grades!! i warned you!!! sleep is important!!!

oh and here a spotify playlist to help you sleep faster and better? it works on me btw;)

Get Alarmed

you know, accident. even you sleep earlier but you still waking up late. make a backup plan, well backup alarm! and these are alarm apps that maybe you would like to try wakey wakey you sleepyhead

for android phones;

Alarm Clock Xtreme and Timer

AlarmMon

Alarmy

Good Morning Alarm Clock

Google Now

I Can’t Wake Up

Oversleep

The Rock Clock

Sleep as Android

Timely

for ios phones;

SpeakToSnooze Pro

Wake N Shake

Yocto Alarm Clock

iDigital Big

Sleep Genius

Sleep Time

wow finally, but it will be continued again to one last exam lifehacks, dont worry!! i hope it helps you out and tell me if you want more masterpost, also request is always welcomed!! i love yall!!

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lascaloriasmandan-blog · 8 years ago

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☀🌞SAFE FOODS & UNSAFE FOODS:🌞☀

SAFE FOODS: 🌞 all fruit 🌞 all veggies 🌞 coconut/almond/flax milk 🌞 deli meat (chicken, turkey, or ham) 🌞 chicken breast 🌞 salmon 🌞 almonds/walnuts 🌞 salads (look at dressings!) 🌞 cheese (small amounts) 🌞 jerky 🌞 eggs 🌞 herbs and salt free spices 🌞 sunflower oil 🌞 dark chocolate (small amounts) 🌞 coconut sugar (brown and white) 🌞 honey 🌞 yogurt

SAFE DRINKS: 🌞 any tea, aim for green 🌞 water!water!water! 🌞 bai5 waters 🌞 lemonades 🌞 occassional smoothie (no added sugar or juice) 🌞 coconut/almond/flax milk

UNSAFE FOODS: ☀ processed sugar ☀ gluten (anything with flour/bread/grains) ☀ regular milk ☀ fried anything ☀ candy bars/bags of gummies/ice cream/sweets (other than dark chocolate) ☀ soda ☀ limit potatoes ☀ processed meats ☀ red meats ☀ anything I didn’t cook or see made

🍒🍓🍉VITAMINS & PILLS:🍉🍓🍒

I take a buttload of vitmins due to an autoimmune disease. I would talk to a doctor, or at least a pharmacist, about the best vitamins for you!

I also buy mostly the gummy kinds. XD

🍒 b12 - 1000mcg, 10cal 🍒 vitamin c - 100mg, 30cal 🍒 prenatal - (each brand varies in vitamin makeup, and i take them even though I’m not pregnant) 20cal 🍒 magnesium - 500mg 🍓 green tea supplements 🍓 acai berry supplements 🍉 laxatives on fasting days (not recommended for others) also 🍉 various diet pills (one brand at a time folks!) 🍉 ibuprofen for migraines and cramps

💗💕💞SELF CARE💞💕💗

These are really important to keep on top of, your mental health will take a roll on your body unless you help take some of the stress away.

ALONE: 💗 take a bath 💗 shave 💗 lotion 💗 nailpolish 💗 hairdye 💗 read/write 💗 color/art 💗 play video games/watch tv 💗 listen to music 💗 clean/organize 💗 study/learn a new hobby 💗 do something that makes you smile

REWARDS 💕 if you’ve done well recently with your diet and exercise, take an hour to get a massage or a mani/pedi 💕 if youve got good grades or learned something new, buy a new book or journal, or a cute pen 💕 if you’re clean and tidy, buy a poster or a new decoration to display 💕 if your doing better with an illness or personal struggle, take yourself out to a movie or go to a place you’ve wanted to visit 💕 if you’re improving in any way on anything, put $1 in an envelope and at the end of each month use the money to get cute socks or stickers! 💕 if youve been working more hours or going non stop, take a 30minute nap without guilt

MENTALLY : 💞 take fifteen minutes each day to meditate 💞 practise deep breathing to keep stress down 💞 your mental state is reflected in your surroundings, keep them clean and nice. 💞 if you’re deoressed, talk to a friend 💞 write in a journal/listen to music to calm down 💞 do not beat yourself up for failures and always reward achievements

🍬🍕🍔CRAVING BUSTERS🍔🍕🍬

I have three things I make for cravings, and these are for when I’m dying to binge and neeeeed something to taste.

🍬 ACV Magic -2tbs Apple cider vinegar - small amount of sweetener - dash of cinnamon - 6-8oz or hot or cold water Tastes like apple pie, and good cold or hot! Kills cravings and helps kill appetite

🍕 Heavy Hitter - 2tbs peanut butter - small blob honey - a few nuts or cranberries Helps kill cravings for heavier foods like pastas and pizza and baked goods, and gives a little protein/sugar boost to keep your energy up.

🍔 Carnivore -few slices deli meat - thin slice cheese (like paper) - pickle spear (optional) - small but of mustard (grey poupon is best) Roll the meat with some mustard on it and the cheese around the pickle for a crunchy snack to curb cravings for sandwiches, burgers, steaks, ects.

❌🚫❎FASTING:❎🚫❌

DO NOT ❌ never try to drive during a fast ❌ never make fasting more important than safety ❌ don’t go over 36hrs or you risk going into starvation mode (stores fat) ❌ don’t over exercise when fasting, you could pass out and get hurt, keep it mild ❌ don’t fast on test days or busy work days, your performance suffers ❌ don’t feel forced to fast by anyone ❌ dont purge if you break a fast with a binge ❌ do not deprive yourself of vitamins on a fast, even if they have calories or you have to take them with milk. ❌do not fast after a bad binge, this is super harmful as it cause your stomach to swell and shrink suddenly and it’s actually another form of bulimia. Fasts should be planned after a day of your normal (and healthy food only) calorie intake

TIPS 🚫 drink your tea first thing in the morning, and take vitamins early 🚫 use a water bottle that you know contains a certain number of oz (mine has 32oz) and don’t or other sip off it 🚫 use a wet erase marker on your water bottle to tally the number of refills you’ve done for water in the day 🚫 use the ACV magic for cravings 🚫 drink lots of green tea 🚫 take melatonin before bed so hunger doesnt keep you awake 🚫 start your fast 4hrs before sleep, the night automatically gives you a 8-12 hour fast. Continue to fast up till 36hrs. But at least that minimum. 🚫 use fire teas or detox teas 🚫 (i) take laxatives (you should not) 🚫 stay busy 🚫 use the prebinge list 🚫 if i insist on eating, start with the craving busters or fruits/veggies 🚫 fast on days off, so you can choose how to distract yourself 🚫 set a timer on your phone or tally the hours with a pen on your arm, it helps keep you motivated

ALWAYS ❎ drink enough water ❎ let an ana buddy know what your doing for safety reasons ❎ be kind to yourself ❎ weigh before and after a fast ❎ drink green tea ❎ break the fast carefully, with small portions of fruits and veggies or a broth ❎ if doing a 36hr fast, double vitamin intake for those days (not the magnesium though) ❎ keep in mind that hunger pain goes away in about 7-25 seconds ❎ remember you should have been yourself to keep from eating. Do not hit your stomach, cut yourself, or any other harmful thing to avoid food! Please dont.

🐷🐽🐖BINGING🐖🐽🐷

These are things I do to help stop or prevent, or recover from a binge.

BEFORE: 🐽 drink a glass of ice water 🐽 light a candle that is a clean or pungent scent! (Nothing that smells like food) 🐽 boil water for tea (sometimes the act of heating water tricks me into thinking I made food) 🐽 read a book/magazine (i pick new books, they draw me in so I forget how long it’s been) 🐽 drink your tea, but make a bigger cup than normal or make two, it feels like a treat 🐽 find a craft project that gets your hands dirty! If you’re covered in glue, you can’t touch food! 🐽 look at thinspo 🐽 my biggest help is to clean, start vacuuming or dusting or scoop the yard for dog crap or the cat box for poops, or wash Windows or reorganize your clothes (looking at how big the clothes you wear are is also very motivating) 🐽 put on your goal pants! Everyone has a pair. 🐽 take a body check photo 🐽 write down the # of calories you’d be eatting, then figure out how long you’d need to work out to burn that off. If it’ll take more than a set of jumping Jack’s or crunches, don’t eat it 🐽 for every time you open the fridge or cupboard, whether you eat or not, do 25 squats or 25 push ups. 🐽 try the ACV drink or a craving buster 🐽 weigh yourself

DURING: 🐷 if you end up binging, look down at how much you’ve already eaten, if it’s less than half the amount you grabbed then drink warm water with lemon. If it’s over half, drink cold water with lemon. (The hot will help mimic a full tummy and the cold helps your body jump start to burn more calories). Don’t drink both, you may puke. And don’t eat what’s left, duh. 🐷 go eat in front of a mirror. You’ll get like one bite further then stop, I promise. 🐷 ask yourself if you’re willing to eat the same # of calories in carrots. If not, throw the rest out. If so, go get some damn carrots and throw the other crap out. 🐷 if you’re binging because someone asked you to eat, eat some, wait a bit, then claim it made you feel sick like food poisoning. Or say you ate before and are saving the rest for later (throw out later obvs) 🐷 if it’s sweets you grabbed, ask yourself if you would eat the same # of calories in strawberries. If so, go get some fruit! If not, you should remember processed sugar gives you zits and thunder thighs. Not cute. Pizzaface and burgerbutt. Groosss. 🐷 ask yourself, if I saw someone eating this, would I think they’re a pig? If no, then you may actually be eating something good for you. If yes, put the food down, piglet. Grooss. 🐷it’s not too late to make acv magic or tea! 🐷weigh yourself

AFTER: 🐖 drink cold water, slowly, so you don’t puke 🐖 take a walk, even a lap or two around the yard or each room in the house! 🐖 take some magnesium to promote digestive/bowel movements (this is not a laxative, it just helps keep stuff moving) 🐖 after about 40 minutes (so you don’t puke) do 25 sit ups, 25 leg lifts per side, and 25 lunges. Then drink some water and rest 15 minutes. Then repeat, but add 30 jumping jacks. The drink water and rest. Then repeat, but add the jumping Jack’s and hold a plank for 30seconds. If up for it, repeat the cycle from the start one more time. 🐖 Do. Not. Get. Mad. At. Yourself. Depression hinders weight loss, so be gentle on yourself. 🐖 take a bath 🐖 drink tea 🐖 DO NOT PURGE. EVER. 🐖 do some self care 🐖 weigh yourself

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ccosmeticchaos · 7 years ago

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This has been a long time coming, and although technically off topic for this blog, it can still fall under beauty because well… I don’t feel beautiful. I feel, laborious breathing and a skyrocketed heart rate when I run up the stairs to the train to get home everyday, to the point I can’t talk and I worry I will go into cardiac arrest on the train.

Typically I don’t promote lifestyle changes to happen on a Monday, it gives a hard start, and that’s not what it’s supposed to be about, and fun facts, the failure rate of starting on a Monday is about 80%. BUT, this is what is in my brain this morning so here we are.

My intention with this post is to not only provide some motivation to anyone who is suffering through their own yo-yo weight, and to give my own head a shake.

For those of you who know me as more than someone who can hid behind a keyboard with no makeup and cheese dust all over me, know that I am pretty great at losing weight. When I want to. When something snaps in me, I can do it, fast and properly. My issue is maintenance, my weakness is moderation in all aspects of life. I will never be thin, but hell yes can I be strong, and THAT is my first subject I want to discuss.

Disclaimer- I am not a professional, this is my story alone, and you should always consult a professional before starting any strenuous physical/nutritional plans. My personal profile I am basing this on is for a 27-32 year old mildly active female, standing at 5’8, who loves Doritos, poutine and works too much.

Be Strong – Not Skinny

The first time I went on a weight loss journey I lost 45 pounds over six months. Some say I was too small for my frame but I felt amazing, I was so strong, I was sleeping better and I could do things I couldn’t do before even when I was a kid. (run for 45 mins straight, leg press 300+ pounds while only weighing in at 145.) My failure? For awhile it was too much about being skinny and not enough about being strong, halfway through the journey I was just getting skinny. I had no muscle tone, my arms and legs were skinny, but looked floppy and it wasn’t a good look. I stopped looking up #thinspo (bad idea to begin with don’t go down that road), and stuck with #fitspo instead. Found this little gem and it shifted my mindset.

Side note: you are going to see at LEAST butts in this post. If you are offended by the human body, please see yourself out. I don’t wish to hear about it, we all have one. Deal with it.

The idea behind fit not skinny, is it becomes about weight goals, not lose weight goals. It’s not about losing 5 pounds, it’s about lifting 50. It’s not about if your pants give you a muffin top. It’s about can you run for 15 mins without passing out? Are you hitting those goals? If you are, your pants will fit on their own, and the 5 pounds will go away in it’s own good time.

Figure Out What Drives You

Are you competitive, do you like stats, why are you doing this? Can you be pushed by visuals? Do you need to be held accountable?

This is important. I can’t even stress how important this is. Each time I have had to drop some weight I am only successful when I am 1. Accountable 2. In competition 3. I have reportable analytics on my progress. For anyone wondering, this is my weight tracker for the past 5 years. No secrets here guys.

I need to see it, I need to see it in a chart- on a dot graph, anything really. If manual doesn’t work for you, then you can also add a page to your bullet journal or your planner if it helps. The more places I track something the more accountable I am to myself. I want to fill the boxes in, I want to make the line drop. This is what works for me.

I also strongly recommend MyFitnessPal, and actually tracking your caloric intake, for at LEAST two months. You think you know what you are putting in your body, and what you are getting from that nutritional investment, but I can almost guarantee you don’t until you do this exercise. You ate one easter egg from your kids candy? Put that in there, hold yourself accountable. Watch the things you wont eat when you have to write them down.

Nutrition

Sigh, this is the most difficult part. Many don’t seem to be able to commit to, or understand how crucial what you jam into your face is. Going to the gym for two hours 5 days a week? Awesome. Thats actually incredible and good on you for making that kind of commitment. Coming home right after that and having half a bottle of wine and a bag of chips (may or may not be self descriptive) you might as well have not gone to the gym at all. 80% nutrition and 20% fitness. This is the ratio you need to be working with. If it’s not you wont get the results you want. Guess what? This is difficult, it’s tough, and you will have to give up things you really love. That age old adage of “abs are made in the kitchen” is not a joke.

Which one of these do you think is the real challenge? Go to a birthday party while everyone else is eating cake and come back and answer me.

A few ad-hoc tips re:foods

Don’t set yourself an expectation to eat food you hate because its healthy eg- I can’t stand arugula, it’s gross. Although healthy and laced through most spring mixes, I just dont eat them. I eat spinach, or romaine or any other options.

Know what is your in your food, you want to eat that cake at above mentioned birthday party? Go for it, but know that in doing so you are ingesting an extra 400 empty calories that will not provide you a good workout later, or the real energy you need to get through that budget meeting on Monday.

Don’t let people bully you. This seems odd, but the amount of times I get food bullied in a day is ridiculous. Just have some, you don’t need to lose weight, you look great, its just a bit, omg cheese is the best you should just eat it, it’s not going to kill you. LISTEN HERE WITH THE AMOUNT OF CHEESE I WANT TO EAT I ASSURE YOU IT WILL KILL ME. AND QUICKLY. Learn to be hard and fast in your no, and not to feel bad about it. There is no food guilt here my friend.

Make an investment (if possible)

Something that really helped me if I was hitting a plateau or just feeling unmotivated was to pick up an outfit, some new runners or something of the like. Having a new pair of pants to run in at the gym almost always worked like a charm. I wanted to wear my kick ass new gear, so I would then put it on and march my ass over to the treadmill to show off my fancy threads. Yeah I can be pretty shallow sometimes, but whatever it works and gets me on the machine.

I also strongly recommend doing some research on a heart rate monitor/fitness watch. I have been a devout user of Fitbit for a very long time, (even after switching to an apple watch I promptly switched back) because people, I need to compete with my friends in step challenges. I just do.

I recently upgraded to the iconic and am happy to report how amazing it is. I even changed out the band for a sparkly new one. As an avid user of Fitbit I am more than happy to add friends, so if you are reading this, drop your contact info below and I will add you.

I could go on about smart watches and fitness tech forever. My main point is, do the research, figure out what you want out of it, and make sure it works for you. Then wear it and use it.

Final Thoughts

I am going to cut myself off here as I think we get the basics of how to make things work for you, but I am going to sum up a few last points before I go.

Not everything works for everyone, the way your body responds will not be the same as others, so set your expectations accordingly.

You CANNOT spot reduce, it’s not real. So if you think doing 600 crunches a night is going to get rid of the pooch. Nope. Only vegetables and lean proteins can do that.

Join a community or get an accountability friend, even if its just some random instagram account.

Find people with link minded goals, when you are following that instagram account, attempt to make sure it is one that has a similar body type/goal as you. It will help your mental state when you are having tough days.

Keep starting over. Start over 100 times, if it means you keep going. I’m not perfect, and I showed you how badly my weight can bounce around. But I keep going, and I will always start again, because I don’t forget the information, I just need to apply it.

ONLY do what works for you. Don’t like the gym? Don’t go to the gym. Go mountain climbing, walk, whatever you enjoy. Doing things you don’t enjoy is not sustainable.

Please feel free to share your weight loss and fitness journeys with me., I will be beginning my third time around, and documenting on my personal instagram, which I am happy to have you join me at as well. HERE

Thanks so much for joining me today for this long winded off topic fitness rant!

We all do it... #fitspo This has been a long time coming, and although technically off topic for this blog, it can still fall under beauty because well...

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