#(but like. I'm going to keep going on and on about this topic indefinitely if I don't leave so I am going to go join the offline world now)

[musical-chick-13]

Still obsessed (derogatory) with that post I saw that talked about how all f/f stories they found were either "too boring" or "too problematic" when two of the things they listed as "Good M/M Romance™" involved a protagonist who was a gang leader and dub-con as a turning point in the characters' relationship becoming mutually romantic.

[rom-e-o]

Bess and Wolf going to a business dinner with Bob and Ethel and a couple other associates and their spouses. (I imagine this is sometime after Starry is born and the Sunflares opted out for family time.). The dinner is going well; everyone is talking friendly business and such, even Ethel, impressing the hoity-toity associates with her knowledge and savvy (because Ethel is a business badass). At least, almost everyone is talking; Bess is the most quiet one. She engages when she can, but... she doesn't understand the topics like the others. Her business savvy really only extends to a farmer's market stall, after all--nothing at all on the level this group is speaking of.

She suddenly has a call and excuses herself to take it. Once she's finished there, she heads to the ladies room where she hears the voices of the other women from their party, sans Ethel, speaking. About her. Not in the most kind way:

"Well, they've certainly made it longer than I believed they would; I had my money on them splitting after three months."

"You don't think they'll actually wed, do you? A man like Ben Scrooge with a little floozy like her? For a spell of fun and excitement, yes, but to marry? I thought he had more sense."

"Sense does not factor in for any man when young cunt is so easily and willingly at the ready."

"True, but Ben's never seemed the type to throw all intelligence to the wind indefinitely, even for such things. Neither Twin has: Look at Ebenezer. True, he also married a younger and American woman, but at least she is closer to his age and has proven to be quite an asset to the business. She turned out to be a suitable if still questionable choice. Ms. Sullivan--what could Ben possibly see in her?"

"Mmm, I agree. For all the claims of her being a nurse, she seems quite lacking in the field of mental capacity. She's hardly contributed to the conversation all evening, and any contribution she has made thus far has been positively insipid and uninspired."

"You know she only has a job as a nurse of her aunt. And even then, Euphemia was only able to get her into the worst hospital in the city. If that doesn't speak to the girl's lack of intellect, I don't know what does."

"Clearly, tonight has proven that breeding means nothing, as a farmer's daughter is able to speak with more intelligence and insight of the business world than a woman with a pedigree. No wonder Gerald and Effie never speak of her. Mr. Marley must me rolling in his grave at his daughter's lack."

"I can only imagine how disappointed Ben must be with her. He hides it well, but doubtless he's ashamed."

"Mmm. We can only hope that Shane brings him round on her before it's too late."

When the women leave the restroom, Bess hides in the curtains to keep from being noticed. The rest of the night, she's particularly quiet, though she manages to hide the pain of what she overheard well enough that no one is suspicious. But she can't help but wonder.

The next day, she stops by the Sunflares' at an hour she's sure she'll catch them both and asks them if she can get their opinions on something. She explains to them the evening prior. It's much easier to recount than she thought it would be, as long as she has an adorable baby snuggling into her arms and happily suckling away at a bottle. But her vision is still swimming by the time she finally gets around to it: "Be honest with me: Is Wolf... ashamed of me? Or even just disappointed? On some level? I know I'm not exactly... the ideal catch. Or much of a catch at all, all things considered. I definitely leave a lot to be desired."

Secretly, or not-so-secretly, Adonis and Connie are plotting a way to find out the identities of whoever they were dinner guests with. Bob and Ethel will be good informants~ There will be dirt dug up, that's for sure. In the meantime, they both listen to Bess' story. They could tell when she first rang at their flat that something was amiss. Holding Starry obviously helps, but they can see that she's still troubled.

As Bess retells the story, both listen calmly, but Adonis' brow furrows with every words, and Connie's shoulders have hiked up to her ears by the end.

And they have a nice, long chat.

"I-I beg your kindest pardon, but did you just say you're NOT a catch?" Adonis huffed in disbelief. His eyes were wide as saucers, but his brows still pinched and framing deep lines that formed on his forehead.

Bess nodded quickly, almost embarrassed, and he was on his feet a mere second later. "Elizabeth! Now, I will NOT entertain such nonsense!"

"I must agree," Constance said. She stood in tandem with her husband, but opted to drift over to the sofa and sink into the vacant spot beside Bess, her hands going to the younger woman's shoulders and giving her a reassuring squeeze. "You think Wolf would be ashamed of you? Whatever for? You're easily the most brilliant woman he's ever been with!"

"Gods, I'll toast to that," Adonis said, his voice deepening as memories of his brother's older partners drifted through his mind. "Drink to it, as well. Heartily."

Bess blinked back tears before managing a weak reply of, "I-I'm not good enough for him." Like those ladies said.

Starla let out a light burble as a warm tear from above landed upon her tiny fist.

"Love, I've seen the women who aren't good enough for him," Adonis said, lofting a hand to the sky in exclamation. "Years after years - for literal decades, I watched Charlie fall in and out of love. I watched ladies that swooned one moment then turn on a heel and leave him, insulting him and all but kicking dirt in his face on their way out the door." Connie reached over the arm of the sofa to procure a tissue packet from her nearby purse. While Bess cradled Starla as if she was a cooing teddy bear (to be fair, she filled played the role quite perfectly), Connie dabbed her eyes gently. Bess murmured a soft 'thanks', but did not make eye-contact, fearing another incriminating tear would fall.

"Not only are you beyond good enough - you're EXACTLY the kind of woman Charlie needs," Adonis continued. With his long legs, he walked to the flat's panoramic window and gazed out, his lips drawn into a thin line. Constance recognized the nervous movements. He was getting animated, and if left unchecked, it wouldn't be long before he started to raise his voice. "Anybody who can't see that has their head so far up their own arse, they see their own failings as those of others!"

"Their own failings?" Bess repeated, glancing between the two. "On me?"

"They're projecting their insecurities on you," Connie supplied softly. It was treatment that Constance had endured as well, though to a far lesser degree. London's elite ladies had taken to gossiping about the Scrooge twins and the 'Yankee fleshpots' that had ensnared their hearts. Constance had many years of experience as a socialite in New York's most stuffy and yuppie-stocked inner circles, and the metaphorical battlefield had trained her aptly in the arts of parrying crude remarks and humbling perpetrators appropriately. The last time one had dared to imply her lack of intelligence because of her nationality, Constance had engaged her in amicable discussion of recent scientific discoveries. The chat resulted in the other woman leaving in a humiliated huff with the realization that perhaps she wasn't the second coming of glory that she had thought she was, and that her well-bred British sensibilities had failed in a pathetically one-sided match with some orphan from Manhattan.

It was hard, but whatever Constance had experienced was nothing compared to the scrutiny that fell upon Bess. The trust-fund ladies and other members of gentry took joy in looking down their noses at good people like her, all while using them as a merry distraction from the troubling facts that they did not possess any practical skills of any sensible merit. Bess had knowledge of medicine and practical business dealings - whereas the ladies that mocked her couldn't get into their Swiss boarding schools without their fathers pulling strings.

"But ..."

"I venture to say that those showboating harpies have very much in common with the other ladies who tried to woo my brother," Adonis mutters, his voice more terse than it had been before. Then, when his eyes flashed to Bess, they softened again. "All bluster, and no substance. They're jealous."

"Jealous? T-That can't be right."

"I'm quite serious. Whether they'll admit it or not, you are exactly the type of lady they want to be. They want their money, but your life experience. Your stories. Your intrigue."

Constance nodded, giving her soul-sister's shoulders a firm caress.

"When a man’s brother vouches for you like that, dear, that’s a powerful endorsement. He’s seen the women that have come and gone from Charlie’s life … the ones who never connected with him. Not like you. You and him have been magnetized to each other from the day you first reconnected and locked eyes. You are a woman who possesses a key understanding for the important things in life. You are kind, charitable, gentle-hearted and wonderful with children. Plus, you're a dark-haired beauty that is often described in romance novels - long, black hair and rosy cheeks. Blue eyes. A beautiful voice that draws crowds from all across London and beyond."

Bess shook her head softly. "I just ... I feel I leave so much left to be desired. Wouldn't a man like him prefer someone more ... I don't know. And that's the problem. I don't know. I can't even find the words, whereas I'm sure those ladies in the powder room would have n-ooo trouble."

Starla stared up at Bess' tear-streaked face with wide, opaque blue eyes. She reached up and toward her visage, as if if trying to wipe away the tears that were just barely out of reach.

Adonis sighed softly. "My dear, you have been wronged by too many when it comes to understanding your worth and beauty. You respect my brother's heart and soul. You've nurtured him and have helped him heal. Before you came along, he was a mere shell of the lively, albeit maddeningly sarcastic--"

Bess chortled at that.

"--Happy man he is when he's by your side. You don't shun his emotions - you encourage him to feel them. You respond to his romantic gestures and thank him graciously. You ...and correct me if I'm wrong, but you love him HIM for WHO he is, not for what he can give you."

After a moment, Bess nodded softly. "I do."

As the words left her lips, her lips formed a soft, crescent smile. "I do love him. Very, very much."

Adonis smiled. "I know."

Unlike the others, he could see she was truthful. His brother's heart was safe with her, and her heart was safe with him in return.

Constance laid her head on her soul-sister's shoulder. "What a wonderful thing, isn't it? To possess such an enduring affection for another, and to have that affection returned?"

Bess sighed, as if a weight had been lifted. "It ... is quite wonderful, yes."

A little cry came from her lap, and she looked down to see Starla fussing with the tip of an empty bottle.

"Oh, sorry, little one," Bess said, one hand lofting to wipe away a swatch of beaded mascara. "A-All done."

Such was also true for her tears, which had mostly dried by that point.

By the time Wolf rang the doorbell an hour later to pick her up, any suspicious puffiness had long-since vanished.

After paying a quick tribute to Starla, he returned faithfully to Bess' side and looped a casual arm around her waist. He wasn't lewd about his contact, but did pull her close to him, a twinkle in his eye while he did so. "Well, while last night's dinner was perfectly decent, I think I'm ready for us to enjoy a slightly more private evening," Wolf husked softly. "How about it? I made reservations for just the two of us tonight. Dinner and dancing at that new jazz club, Leuna."

"R-Really? T-That place is exclusive. I didn't know they were taking reservations."

"I have my ways," he quipped confidently. Then, by the next breath, the timbre of his voice quieted to a tone more befitting of speaking a private vow. "I hope you'll join me."

Sincere excitement shimmered in his eyes as he issued the inquiry. Behind his masculine bravado was an air of boyish sheepishness. Despite his age and status, at the end of the day, he was a smitten man of flesh and blood laying his heart bare for his woman.

Bess, in all her eternal gentleness, handled it with care and love.

"Nothing would make me happier."

[sae-something]

saw A online and it just was more chaos. idk man. she's been a bit chaotic and it's just been two weeks not of spending 80% of therapy time on repairing misunderstandings and ruptures and all that. and it's going fine. like. I still trust her. I still trust she cares. so that's a lot more steady than it used to be.

but also. it's just painful. and I'm not just lashing out either - for two things now, she's been like, well, now that we talk it through I get your point and it wasn't the most helpful thing I said, I'm sorry.

but ALSO I get this feeling there's something happening internally & parts keep purposefully nitpicking everything because time spent on this crap means there's less time for any of the difficult ("forbidden") topics, and also less time to feel actually connected. it's like I'm in a flow of just being a nitpicky bitch and I can't stop it. I just keep fighting her. I just keep feeling so horrible,

because now. session ended with me sobbing that I feel like an island, and every interaction I have with A adds an extra kilometer of water between me (the island) and her (she's wherever the rest of the world is). every attempt I make at vulnerability and sharing and opening up. everything I try just makes things worse.

and I needed her. I needed connection. because tomorrow I'm texting my parents that I want to maintain the No Contact indefinitely and that I'll let them know if anything changes. and I am 100% behind this decision!!!! don't get me wrong, 100%. and also I am absolutely terrified. I am terrified my parents will text/call/email/show up at my door. I am also terrified they will not do anything and just remain quiet.

I needed A. I needed her so fucking desperately. I tried talking about feeling like the only reason I'm allowed to exist is to make my parents happy, which I am 500% going against with this text about NC. but instead she felt the need to mention her own children (and how they don't have to make her happy at all). at which I lashed out, because, like, way to rub it in, bitch. which we then spent the rest of session working through, because of course A was like "I don't really like how you said that". so I tried explaining myself. and I kept crying. and I kept failing. and I still didn't feel like she got it.

and then she offered to read me a poem (which usually means the world when she does that) but she read one she already read to me 2 weeks ago. and 2 weeks ago I told her why that poem stung. and she read it to me again now. and it didn't feel helpful or make me feel connected. it just stung. so I cried some more. and she tried saying we'll continue this on monday, but, like, how can we continue anything on monday? I have to text my parents. the world might end.

so now it's 2pm and it's bad. I'm drinking. I haven't had a drink since somewhere in november, before I got sick. I only had one drink but it hits because, whoo. I don't know man. I don't know. I'm sorry for this mess. I'm so sorry.

[oraclekleo]

Tiny Tarot Game

Status: CLOSED

Hello my dear Kleotics and random visitors of this blog!

I'm back from my Christmas celebrations and it's time to get those tarot juices flowing a little bit again.

I can't tell whether I'm going to continue as strong as I used to with these games, though. I feel like I need something new in the terms of tarot in order to feel that same excitement again. I need some new approach, new spreads, new topics... We will see what I can come up with. You are always welcome to suggest something, as long as it's not future spouse reading 😂

So! What is it about today? I'm going to limit the game to 20 asks this time. The first 20 asks following the rules will be answered. I'm sorry in advance to those who can't make it into this game. Yes, it's unfortunate but the fact is that I can't keep games open indefinitely and serve 100 or more people. These things are about good luck. 😊

First some rules:

Potentially NSFW game - minors do not engage! (I'm going to use a wholesome deck but if I see a NSFW message for you, I will mention it. Most responses are likely to be SFW, though)

Anons are allowed.

I'll pull only one card for each ask.

Provide at least some info about yourself (sign, MBTI, favourite colour, etc.) - my regulars are freed from this condition since I already know them

Request ONLY through inbox (no DMs)

Tarot isn't a science and this whole game is for entertainment only, I can never guarantee any of it

I don't read energies, I don't meddle with yours or anybody else's

Do NOT call my readings future spouse readings! Even if they refer to love life, they are not future spouse readings and I never call them as such so don't try to rephrase my prompts, please

Feedback is HIGHLY APPRECIATED but not mandatory

You can also take on the challenge and pull a card for Kleo with the same question to practice your own tarot skills - I will give feedback or discuss the results with you

Ready?

One thing you are encouraged to do and/or realise in order to attract your next lover to you!

This is not a future spouse reading, guys! Do not refer to it as such. Those who call it a future spouse reading will be disqualified from the game and won't get their reading done! 😂 Yes! Kleo is tough! Be respectful to those, who don't share your belief in the future spouse concept and respect the neutrality of my readings. Thank you 💖

Deck used: Cozy Witch by Amanda Lovelace

[finnlongman]

Cambridge University libraries work on a system of automatic renewals. Functionally, this means you can keep a book indefinitely until somebody recalls it, at which point you have a couple of days to return it before you start getting increasingly unhappy emails reminding you that it's overdue (they have largely abolished fines, but the automated emails don't seem to know that, and continue to threaten you with them).

For the most part, if you're working on a fairly niche topic, you're likely to have months of uninterrupted usage of a book. Which is great. In practice, however, I will go months with none of my books being recalled, and then I'll leave the city (on holiday, or for a conference), and the day after I leave, somebody will recall a bunch of books that are currently locked in my house where nobody can get to them. They never recall them when I'm around! But every time I go away, this happens!

And then I have to come home, hastily type up all my notes while still in the post-travel recovery period, before shamefacedly showing up at the library with a severely overdue book and an apology. It's embarrassing. It keeps happening. I'm sure they think I'm lying about going away but whoever is recalling my books just has terrible timing.

(Those that were recalled while I was in Ireland were particularly overdue, because I was there three weeks and then returned with COVID, and thus those books did Not go back in a timely manner.)

[meowcats734]

(prompt response) A tiny dragon and a crow fight over a gold coin. They’re both equally strong, and both can fly. The crow is smart enough to dodge the fire, and the dragon is trying not to melt the coin. They tussle on the street.

We were set for shelter thanks to the Redlands' forgiving climate, and Mairel's ghost combined with my foraging skills meant we were good for food and water. I wasn't exactly sure what the limitations of the ghost were, but Sansen assured me that the soulspace entity from the Plane of Nostalgia was limited in what it could do—mostly, bringing memories from its past to life, spending them one by one.

I felt a little sad taking advantage of the ghost of Sansen's old crush like that, but it was clear from experimentation that the clump of soul fragments that made up Mairel's ghost wasn't sentient, and was perfectly happy to help us in any way it could. If we could have a slightly higher chance of not dying before we found Jiaola and got the hell away from this nightmare war, I'd gladly sacrifice a hundred ghosts and memories to save one living person. 

"So how come it's not sentient, but people like Odin and I am?" Meloai asked. I had no idea how her clockwork body repaired itself, but she seemed to have recovered from her flight through the Plane of Elemental Cold, because she could walk longer than any of us—and for the entire day, too. She offered to shapeshift into a horse and give us all a ride, but... something about that just felt sleazy, and it was pretty clear that she had no idea how to control a horse's body anyway, so we all walked for now until we could think up a faster method of transport.

"I think it has something to do with the number of memories that happened to agglutinate at that point in soulspace," Sansen said. "Or maybe the diversity of memories? I could tell that Mairel's ghost was... well, Mairel's. There weren't any elements from other people's minds, as far as I can tell."

"Hey, yeah. And that creepy little mimic I, er, threw into the void way back when—the only soul fragment that came out of that was my mother's. And it sure as hell wasn't sentient."

"That reminds me—what were you doing in the Plane of Elemental Falsehood in the first place?" Lucet asked, tilting her head towards me.

"Odin was fucking with me," I said. It was the safe response. Liquid metal flushed through my soul, but I ignored it. "So, wait, Meloai, when we're feeding you the soul fragments from the animals we hunt, is that making you... smarter, or something?"

Meloai giggled awkwardly. "Sort of? But not in the way you think! I have to, uh, consume a certain amount of memories per day. In theory, I could survive indefinitely by consuming my memories as quickly as I produced them—that's how most soulspace entities just sort of keep existing—but then I wouldn't get to form new memories with you guys, having a good time and learning about the world. So... I consume other things' memories, instead." She paused, frowning. "It's not very efficient, though. I need to eat the right... kind... of memories. Ones charged with insecurity."

"Huh." Lucet turned to Sansen. "Hey, speaking of which, do you have any idea where memories that get eaten by soulspace entities... go? Our old teacher sort of stonewalled us on the topic."

Sansen shrugged. "Too theoretical for my tastes. Wouldn't they just get destroyed?"

"Soul fragments can't get destroyed, only transformed," Meloai said. 

"According to the Academy," I added.

"Okay, yeah, but if there's one place where we'd expect a little less propaganda, it'd be the realm of science, no? It's an empirically observed fact, and we ran some experiments to confirm it."

"Yes, true, cool—counterpoint: the Academy harvested our fucking emotions to power their war machine. I'm not trusting anything that came out of that 'education' that I can't verify with my own two hands."

"Hey, uh, guys?" Lucet said. "I hate to interrupt, but... are you three seeing this?"

Sansen muttered something about poor old eyes, but Meloai and I stopped in our banter, turning to face the end of the dirt road we'd been following for the past week.

The village was utterly and clearly ruined, even from this distance. The sky was scribbled over with slashes of darkness, and there wasn't a building taller than an outhouse left standing. 

"What is it?" Sansen asked, squinting at the horizon.

Nobody wanted to say "probably a massacre," but I was a Redlander. I was used to it. "Probably a massacre," I said, and my voice was surprisingly calm. It was only the third village I'd seen this way, but it already felt... familiar. Like slipping into an old torture rack, made comfortable from years of use. "It's a standard Redlands tactic. There's some valuable piece of land that everyone wants—a particularly fertile field, a really good aquifer, whatever—but nobody's able to hold it for long. So someone who knows they can't have it decides nobody else can, either, and tears open rifts until the place is uninhabitable. Then they move on to go fight over some other piece of land and forget about it until a year or two have passed and the rifts have mostly closed over. And the next batch of villagers settle in, name the place after the rifts that killed the last group of poor bastards to live there, and hope they have a decade or so before the cycle repeats itself all over again."

"Fuck," Lucet murmured. "I'm sorry, Cienne."

I shook my head. "It's... it's just the way things are. Come on. These rifts don't look as bad as they could be—let's check for survivors."

"What kind of rifts are we walking into?" Sansen absently asked.

"Darkness," I said. "If we encounter a shadow, we should probably just run. Demons of Fear can be fucking terrifying, and I don't... there's nothing here to be happy about. I can't use joy right now."

"Let me see," Sansen said, and two lenses of possibility swirled into existence around his eyes. He shook his head. "Very unlikely for there to be demons in the near future. Best bet is that the forces that clashed here—and let's be real, this was the Silent Peaks against the Order of Valhalla—already dealt with them, one way or another."

"Then let's get going."

Grimly, the four of us marched towards the ruined village, three of us keeping a lookout in space, one of us keeping a lookout in time. Nobody detected any threats, but I was still jumpy for the entire journey.

Meloai and Lucet seemed like they had a pretty good coverage of realspace, so I closed my eyes and looked into soulspace. The cluster of memories that made up Meloai was beginning to grow into visibility, although it was still small in comparison to the souls of the three humans in the party. Aside from us, though, there weren't many lifeforms in the village, and those that were seemed to mostly be dumb animals. I could tell from the emotions—mostly monotone, tiny drops of joy or crystals of sorrow...

...except, wait, I'd nearly overlooked it, since its soul was so small, but there was a more complex soul. It had the simple emotions like sorrow and fear, yes, but there were glass shards of shame and sticky black thorns of self-hatred, and those were emotions I uniquely associated with what it meant to be human.

"Hold on," I said, eyes still closed. "I think I found something. A sapient soul, this way." I pointed towards where the soul would have corresponded to in realspace. Nobody questioned me—with my nine attunements, I had by far the broadest range of emotions I could see with my soulsight, and even though it didn't make me a master witch by any means, it gave me an edge in situations like this.

Even as the four of us inched closer to the broken rubble that I'd sensed the soul in, in my soulsight I felt the soul breaking apart. Fuck, the only person who could tell us what had happened here was already dying. "Quickly," I said, kneeling down to excavate the rubble.

Meloai pushed me aside without even thinking and hefted, clockwork tick-tick-ticking as strength a dozen times more than I could possibly output lifted a massive wooden beam off the ground.

At what she saw beneath, Meloai froze—not in the living, breathing way a human might, but in the perfect form of a statue that reminded me of her home in endless halls of oil and clockwork.

The girl who'd been crushed beneath the falling beam was undeniably dead. Nobody could survive watering the grass like that.

But the soul I had sensed stirred, and I knelt down, lifting up the girl's hand to reveal... a crow. Jet-black, beautiful, bloodied, and broken. But still alive, for now.

"Can you—" Lucet began.

"I never attuned forgiveness," I said, and it was disgusting how level my voice was. "It's not an emotion for me."

"Fuck," Lucet whispered. "And there aren't any other sapient souls in the village?"

"Not that I can sense," I said. Calm, sorrow, passion, insecurity, joy, fear, spite, guilt, self-hatred—even with the nine fields of magic I could now touch, I couldn't even save a fucking crow.

Well. At the very least, my oldest attunement was in perfect working order.

The crow shifted in my hands, letting out a faint wheeze. For a moment, I could have sworn it was trying to tell me something.

And then, in a flash of insight, I realized that it still could.

"You two. Choose an emotion," I said, "and I'll open up a rift. Meloai, you just do what you do."

Lucet blinked, uncomprehending, but Meloai got it immediately. "What?" Lucet asked.

"We've got exactly one witness to what happened here," I explained, "and their memories are about to be scattered throughout thoughtspace. Maybe if we're lucky, we can catch them as they go."

"Worth a shot," Sansen said. "I'll take care of my own rift, thank you."

"I'm... comfortable with the Plane of Sorrow," Lucet said. "You just focus on yourself."

I nodded, oil welling up from my soul as I let my passion swell. The dying crow almost seemed to nod at me as three witches and one demon prepared to dive into the crow's memories.

Then the crow's soul shattered, and I slashed my way between realities to try and catch a shard before it was lost forever.

And I was no longer Cienne, the helpless little boy who was still hopelessly in over his head.

I was the crow. I liked shiny things and eating clams. I disliked fire and pointy knives. I was the crow. I was the crow—

###

Astrenn needed the Shiny. Even though my feathers were singed, even when the Angry Thing swiped at me with its claws, Astrenn needed the Shiny. And so I would get the Shiny. It didn't matter how long it took, it didn't matter how distracting the village was (ooh! Is that tinsel? I love tinsel. No. No, focus. Astrenn needed the Shiny.) The Angry Thing was dumb, and even though it was strong and magical, I was clever-clever, fast-fast. I would win eventually.

The first thing to do was to get to a friendly nest. Right now, we were near the nest of the Large Baker—who used the Angry Things for cook-fires and shooed away me from the Delicious Breads. If the Large Baker came out on the street to investigate, Astrenn would never get the Shiny. So I flew to a nearby bin of Smelly Rotten Mush and tipped it over with a wingflap.

I knew this much about the Angry Things: they had a powerful sense of smell. And so as soon as the Smelly Rotten Mush poured out onto the street (to the dismay of the Large Baker), the Angry Thing awkwardly flapped away, the Shiny in its claws. I grabbed a small pebble (and a tinsel, for later), and shot into the sky, my feather-silent wings swift where the clunky, impossible weight of the Angry Thing farted along on inelegant wind magic.

"Caw," I said, and released the stone.

The Angry Thing must have been stupid, because it didn't even try to dodge the stone that thunked on its head. Unfortunately, the Angry Thing was a big ball of scales (shiny? No, not Shiny. Focus. Astrenn needed the Shiny) and probably wasn't even hurt by the rock. Which was no fair. Even the hard-hard-hard clams from the market got split open by a high-heavy-dropped rock. But at the very least, the Angry Thing dropped the Shiny, letting it twinkle to the ground like a wish upon a star.

Astrenn would get the Shiny. Astrenn had to get the Shiny.

I dove down, folding my wings tight and close to my body like how I'd seen the swooping-fast-kill-above birds do, and snatched the Shiny out of the air. The Angry Thing dove after me, but it had fallen into my trap.

For these fields of amber grain were the nests of the Old Farmer, and they appreciated me for my ability to hunt-find-eat mice more than the Angry Things that set their barns and crops on fire.

The Angry Thing dove after me, heat lighting up in its maw as I settled on the ground, and I knew the Angry Thing thought it had victory in its stupid little claws.

But then, like a thunderbolt, a broom head slapped the Angry Thing out of the sky as the Old Farmer scolded it.

"Back, you silly little dragon! I won't have you burning the barn down today!" The Old Farmer had skin like wrinkle-walnuts, and he was unamused by the Angry Thing's presence in his nest. Another two broom slaps swept the defeated Angry Thing away, and the Old Farmer gave me a piercing look.

"Say... you're my daughter's friend, aren't you?" The Old Farmer chuckled to himself. "You clever little thing. Well, go on. She's waiting for you where we buried... oh, why am I bothering? You can't understand me; you're just a crow. Astrenn! Your crow's here to visit!"

I flapped towards the barn, where Astrenn was waiting. The little girl who'd once taken me in, feeding me, and keeping me warm when the nights grew cold. Astrenn had saved my life when she was a hatchling, and I would do anything for Astrenn in return.

Astrenn needed the Shiny. And finally, I had delivered.

Astrenn looked up from the small lump of freshly-turned earth, the small, carved rock that stood where a mother should have been. Her cheeks glistened with sparkling droplets of water, but for once, I only wanted to wipe these shinies away.

"There you are, you silly lump of feathers." Astrenn sniffled and held out her arm; I hopped on and nuzzled her cheek. "What've you got for me today?"

I said, "Caw," and relinquished my treasures. A single gold coin for Astrenn, and a bit of tinsel for me.

Astrenn giggled. "You crazy crow—where'd you get this? Mother would have fed you plump for days. Come on—we can still send her off, if we hurry."

Astrenn pocketed the Shiny and hurried into the market, exchanging the Shiny for some smaller sparkles and a bouquet of fresh flowers.

Then Astrenn and I returned to Astrenn's mother's grave, placing the flowers in the center. After a moment of thought, I delicately balanced my tinsel on top, and Astrenn closed her eyes that shone like stars.

"She would have loved you, you pretty little girl."

"Caw," I said, perhaps agreeing, perhaps simply being there for my friend.

And Astrenn and I knelt there in mourning, until the sun bled red and the greatest shinies of all twinkled in the night sky above.

###

Time flickered, stepped, and jumped, and I was back in my body. Back in realspace. Back in the ruined, darksky village.

Back by the corpse of a girl named Astrenn who loved to feed crows.

"It was them," Lucet whispered by my side. "The Order and the Peaks. They fought here."

"Yeah." The words came out of my mouth. "I get that."

My friends gave me odd looks, but I couldn't hear what they said next over the sudden rush of my heartbeat in my ears. Worried, Lucet stood to put a hand on my shoulder, but as if I was in a dream, I walked forwards and my friends fell away.

"You guys keep looking," I managed to say. "I'll be right back."

"Cienne, where are you—" Lucet started to say, before someone cut her off. Probably Sansen. I loved Meloai, but... it would be Sansen who stopped her. 

I stepped into the middle of a blackened, ruined field. Now that I knew what to look for, it was obvious that this was where the Peaks had called down one of their devastating strikes of pure light. The crops here had been burnt to ash, but that was okay. The bodies, the blood, the ruins—they would just make more fertile soil, more desirable targets for the next time war came to this horrible, beautiful place that I called home.

This coming spring harvest we'll do it again

From the first bitter dawn to the pitiful end.

My heart thumped to the mournful tune of the Redlands Anthem, and I clenched my fists and my jaw and my soul and my everything, everything was dense and hot and furious—

So lift up a glass for the heroes who fell

And the bastards that got them, we'll see them in—

I let loose a wordless, bloody, guttural shriek, and a torrent of fury and sorrow and self-hatred screamed out with it, heat that warped the air as much as my tears, frost that numbed my flesh as deep as my soul, and I was falling, shrinking, fading into nothingness as the storm of ice and fire that was my love and loss reached so high it nearly split the sky in two.

When it was over, I was curled up in a patch of melting frost, surrounded by ruined, incinerated earth. My soul was empty. I was empty. I was so, so weak, and if a gust of wind so much as touched me, I would blow away into dust.

From behind me, I heard the frost crunch as someone stepped up to me, waited, then laid down by my side. Reaching out to loop one arm around my chest, holding me tight and close. 

I closed my eyes and let Lucet hold me, the anthem of the Redlands echoing in my ears as my soul went quiet and still, falling asleep in a cradle of frost and flame.

A.N.

Soulmage is a serial written in response to writing prompts. Stick around for more episodes, or join my Discord to chat about it!

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[rmbunnie]

Watched through adventure time start to finish for the first time and of course it was great and of course I'm going to be drawing fanart at some point in the not-distant future (can't say near tho lmao school is keeping me busy) but my god the finale. I already knew the plot points tbh because i Am Online and Like Cartoons and if both of those things are things you are, you see the bubbline kiss and Finn saying "I always thought i'd go out a hero" and that's pretty much unavoidable, but what really got me was Time Adventure.

I saw someone on Twitter or something, maybe on here, say that the antagonist of Adventure Time is personal stagnation, and it was a comeback to someone else, but it really is true that from season 7 on the show starts leaning Realllllly hard into Growth as the topic the show's about (and season 7 is like. a pretty noticeable line for this switch tbh, NOT that the first 6 seasons are unimportant to the final end point, but the change is visible.) This is especially clear seeing as Gumbald and Fern, who refuse to accept growth and change to a unique extent, and are incapable of personal growth due to being an outgrown past version of the mc held that way indefinitely by a grass curse, respectively, are the main antagonistic forces of the final season. (Betty also counts as both an antagonistic force in the finale and unable to accept growth to me seeing as she was the reason Golb was summoned and, I mean, Temple of Mars is ABOUT her being unable to grow on an internal-beliefs level despite accepting the magic of the future as an external tool, so that checks both boxes, but i'm not sure of the overall Betty opinion and also she isn't the main point.) What I'm getting at is, with the major emphasis on changing as an individual, Time Adventure is especially poignant to me, because outside of being a (still very good) meta song about the show ending, in the context of the show it reads as a song about how sad growing as a person is when you're the person who's changing, and how it would be great if you could just. always be a 12 year old kid in the first season who doesn't understand that there are problems that can't be solved and fights you can't win, who can always go back to his treehouse at the end of the day. And how with the passage of time, it's inevitable to change, but at least that kid is and will forever be in season 1, even as the only physical version of himself from the past blows away in the wind as he asks to go back to a place that's now rubble. This isn't exactly breaking news but still, in a show that leans so hard into the way maturing means changing as a person the final message being "it's hard to be a new person and lots of things ARE lost forever but all past versions of you that you can no longer be exist in the past and aren't going anywhere" instead of like, "woohoo! Maturing is neat! Look at how much everything has improved!" is really good. Idk it just kinda means more really knowing that they're sad about the change.

[eorzeanpages]

Hi I'm Going To Talk About A Shadowbrings Song: "Tomorrow and Tomorrow" (With Bonus Endwalker Spoilers)

I'm going to go through a breakdown of "Tomorrow and Tomorrow" bc I got on the topic elsewhere and it's driving me crazy Spoilers for both Shadowbringers and Endwalker

For whom weeps the storm Her tears on our skin The days of our years gone Our souls soaked in sin

This feels like it's talking about Hydaelyn and the Sundering, especially in light of the cutscene from Endwalker where Venat says, "All is excruciating pain. I breathe fire and torment. I birth a world of suffering to mire and plague. In one fleeting moment, lives come and go. Ever moving towards the unknown. And in that fleeting moment, they cry for the answer to the question: Why, given life, are they meant to suffer. To die..."

These memories ache with the weight of tomorrow

For the souls who were Sundered - those who hear Hydaelyn's call - there seems to be something... haunting about it. Pains with no source, no memory. You see this in the way people reacted to Elidibus's initial meteor storm and the mirage of Amaurot. They want to cry but don't know why.

Who fights?

It's always the Warrior of Light, isn't it? And, from the slight bit of information we know about Azem, it seems to have always been them as well.

Who flies?

I think this is G'raha, always headlong into something. To the Crystal Tower, through time and the rift, to gather your Light and throw himself away. Running towards as well as running from.

Who falls?

This seems to be very blatantly Emet-Selch, but it can also be the Warrior of Light, who fails his test to contain the power of the Lightwardens, and Azem, who failed to stop the final days.

Stand tall my friend May all of the dark lost inside you find light again

This is everyone, to an extent. G'raha to the WoL, the WoL to G'raha, the WoL to Emet-Selch, and Azem to Emet-Selch. By the time of ShB, everyone has lost so much and are longing for a better world.

In time tumbling, turning we seek amends

I think to an extent this is Emet. I think by the Qitana Ravel, he knows it will come down to him vs the WoL. It mirrors him vs. Azem in the original Final Days. I think he's honest about not wanting to fight you. I think he desperately wants to find some semblance of Azem in you.

This is also G'raha, having built up a century of lies to try to save both the First and the Souce, manipulating the WoL and Scions for the purpose. This is why I think it's G'raha that's Emet's narrative foil, not the WoL.

Eternal winds to the land descend Our journey will never end

This is a sentiment expressed right before the final battle with Emet by the Scions, but also said by Emet in the battle with Hermes in Endwalker. Both saying that no singular person should have the power to decide the fate of civilization (oh the irony there)

From those who've fallen to those who arise A prayer to keep us ever by your side An undying promise that we just might Carry on in a song

This is 100% an expansion of Emet at the end of Dying Gasp. It's further shown in the post-patch content with Hythlodaeus and the gathering of the Convocation memory crystals that Emet left for you. He has nothing to offer you but memories.

Pray don't forget us, your bygone kin With one world's end does a new begin And should our soul scatter onto the wind Still we shall live on

This is more of Emet, but with a different focus. He tells the WoL, in his own way, that the WoL is kin to the Ancients, and that as long as people continue to live, and the memories of the Ancients spoken, that legacy will continue indefinitely.

Stand tall my friend May all of the dark deep inside you find light again

This can be read two ways

The first and probably most obvious is the WoL to G'raha, who has endured over a century of heavy burdens, and feels that he is unworthy of the WoL's kindness.

The second is Azem to Emet-Selch. In the cutscene post Hades battle, Emet's poor posture is noticeably absent. This is also when "Tomorrow and Tomorrow" starts playing. This is a minor detail but I quite like the implications.

This time, tumbling, turning we make amends

By giving up the fight he had resigned himself to early on in your adventures, Emet is... not quite apologizing (I don't think he know how tbh), but saying with his actions that the fighting is stopping. By giving you the Azem stone, he's also setting Elidibus up for failure, even before stepping into the arena himself.

This, too, is G'raha's time to make amends. At the end of the conflict with Elidibus, he goes back to the Source with you and is allowed a new, better life. "It's good to be awake" echoes in my mind when I hear this line.

Eternal winds from the land ascend Here to lift us that we won't end

The WoL are the winds here. The WoL is bringing change, holding the memories of the Ancients alive, as the WoL holds the memories of everyone who's fallen.

There's a relevant quote from the Discworld book "Going Postal" that resonates with me and the themes of ShB: "Do you not know that a man is not dead as long as his name is still spoken?"

Anyway, that's my weird essay and how I personally see "Tomorrow and Tomorrow," a song about death, life, and legacy.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

days after the bit of rereading inspiring it Hraaarghh summoning the power to verbalize "i appreciate how much Everyone's Really Motivated Rn Huh & Barely Keeping Ahead Of Things is set up / converging At This Moment for the gamers in lackadaisy"

go mitzi lmao with the fraud or whatever (more importantly robbing the last friend in the world cashed in like poker chips you said it wasn't gonna be like that it wasn't supposed to be but etc Great Exchanges) stringing back together the symbolism necklace, are you sure progress is the world, all this on the line to barely hold things together a bit longer & then the payoff of this relies on what's going on with the other active players in the operation, which is "even more haphazardly strung together into an operation" and "it's going: bad"

which is to say, getting An begrudging shipment of goods based on a bluff, which hasn't been made yet, things are hanging together by a thread as it were, mostly nobody's having a good or particularly strategic time but now they're sure More In It than ever. and killing a guy from the most powerful enemy to make around here who is already on the defensive (ft. good offense style) but whoops where's the other guy? well that's probably fine, as was almost getting shot, and the entire run isn't even completed & compare this to the success of the marigold trifecta operation we were just shown. really ramping up the "no way this can go on indefinitely, & only would keep going on if you Need To Believe It Can Work Out rather than bring down disaster 5 min later"

shoutout to zib in whatever stage of imprisonment he's in where initially it's like "well dropping your access to / affiliation with lackadaisy pin down a drain could solely be about 'ha ha, now Another authority won't detect this'" but i'm supposing it's (also) about giving up on the operation / actually intending to cut his losses. But What Will Happen....and will the time devoted to his establishing any rapport with a prohibition bureau agent lead to him Learning Anything important? hmm

meanwhile there's viktor over there not wanting everything to end with paisley & regret, who's also like "wow i'm moved to tragically look at these unanswered letters from my Daughter daughter, whoops i lost (a picture of) her to the abyssal underworld (basement space) & can't manage to retrieve her (photo) from it. sure hope i don't get a call from elsa telling me a daughter figure is doing her first rumrunning challenge for the vine"

lmao MY guy. you imply around mordecai that marigold WAS up to something that could've played into atlas's death, On Top Of that Something's Up currently that's involving him but he doesn't understand it and he can't get any info from marigold about it, it's like two nights later & he's asking gracie about it, what a special time they're having. unfortunate that it's gonna end in ten seconds based on "mordecai is pushing a guy like thrice his size along on a squeaking desk chair through the obstacle course of an abandoned brewery so i don't think that's prime conditions to evade the savoys' detection / catching up to that" and "also wip sketch pages suggest serafine's about to noscope gracie 'what's going on here' shoot first ask questions of the guy who was supposed to have shot him already later" so like, a) mordecai will presumably have the info about gracie's scheduled Next Meeting With Drago (in several days) so like hm what's he gonna do? we know drago is focused on marigold. does he have info for zib, for mordecai? how would mordecai approach a meeting with a fed out here & as little Specificity to work with as he's had in questioning gracie, even if plausibly drago Does have more relevant info? i guess you could abduct him too, for a start. risky, ups the stakes, but that's just what he's Already done (as has Everyone Else, as per the central topic of this post) and so now b) seems like the savoys' getting to go "uhhh so. what's up" about mordecai's antics (like. also do we really think the savoys believe he's Having Fun anyways. i Guess. just also probably they'll very easily readjust that belief lmao)

actually this is just a paragraph break for the hell of it. MY GUY....so that basically it's looking like another thing that'll happen is mordecai will have to accept an Affiliation Outside Marigold with the savoys, simply b/c suddenly they have all this leverage knowing he's up to something, But based on what they've Just said & done, they aren't particularly interested in Telling On Him but Are particularly interested in "yeah we don't assume we or you will work at marigold forever, so also we Do want to be allied outside marigold forever" and like seems plausible they could be interested in [find out what's going on at marigold that Concerns Them but that they can't be more privy to than they are now] designs as well anyways. difficult to imagine that they can get on exactly the same page here, but it could be some Good Enough compromise between all of them. and i hope so because they Are still crushing it out here and i certainly think their allying in recognition of We're All Out Here Doing What It Takes To Survive is a basis of encouraging clarity / accuracy on the matter and of course a powerful teamup to maintain & work with & because like lord the [this is a narrative] target on mordecai otherwise perhaps lmao like he does not have the insulation of "wow, family, beautiful" or "wow, romance, beautiful" or "wow, the 'innocence' to have been insulated from This Kind Of Situation in the first place, beautiful" or "wow, randos happen to find you useful AND personable, beautiful" or "so you're up to violence in the violence business & so is everyone else but did you see all these preceding points?? watch out" like boy he needs the backup here. fingers crossed my special little guy. and rooting for the savoys too. anyways

and like see all my murder mystery musing but ofc i dunno what marigold's other Ventures and other Warnings and other Thorns are all about, but that we know Something's Up, and it sure could be that like whatever retrenchment type of maneuvers might've led to some situation of marigold like ummm maybe we care more about an alliance with atlas being a potential liability rather than an asset and then that nonzero involvement in the interest of Indefinite Survival For The Business will have been a little domino of its own destruction set off. would be wild if such "whoops trying to outrun one's own doom was feeding into it??" & Cycles Of Violence & stuff were like some fundamental themes driving the whole narrative here. would be wild if it was like nooo not the isolated guy too Weird to everyone else nooooo....at least one way or another getting up to plenty of Drama first. that's right

[ottiliere]

I love crawling out of the depths, opening up tumblr, and seeing your art. I love it.

it is quite interesting how social media can fall to the wayside, and people on the internet can just disappear forever if they really wanted to! I admit I struggle to keep up with "public accounts", they are uniquely stressful and I solute your hibernating tenacity. always lovely to see you resurface regardless, thank you very much for the lovely compliment...

I will say in case any of my dear followers were wondering where i've gone for the past month and a half, for weeks i've been pondering how to even broach the enormity of the topic that is: I made the mistake of thinking about my most favorite character for more than 2 minutes in one sitting. I intentionally go out of my way to avoid this and have many strategies to evade this occurring because every time I do enter a sort of hermetically sealed mental chamber where it's just me and him and his life and I begin to ignore all points of previously established social contact and also my health indefinitely. It's difficult to convey the emotional experience of this or its psychic magnitude. and it's hard to say "guys i really love this character!" because that's just words. you can't see it. the 10 years of obsessively thinking about some guy so intensely on&off cyclically until you've made 20 different worlds he's living in... how does one convey the depth of these without artistically depicting them as you see them to be...? i am trying to figure it out. currently planning a longform comic for my favorite and several smaller comics for others, but logically an individual can understand this takes a while... he and I have had multiple rendezvous over the past decade and I wish I had more "historical" art to show but for many of these years I have been a bit too physically disabled to draw, the past several weeks have been spent attempting to recreate his ideal form as he exists in my head. he is starting to come around!

I typed up three separate disquisitions last month to try and explain my feelings on him and none of them felt like the proper vessel to communicate this concept. which is likely for the best. the obvious answer is "just draw him". fine with this being the case, difficult when I have so many drawing ideas I'm now sitting on 100+ works in progress and they just keep accumulating since my brain generates these like an old laptop you leave in the corner of your room to mine bitcoin. in a way I'm content with this being a very "personal" experience thus far, shared with me and those in my inner social circle (really cannot emphasize to my readers enough how fandom can poison your constitution without self-checked moderation). however... I yearn to meet others who are as passionately involved with him as I am, because I think we could coalesce our ideas, and passion, into something beautiful...

^dio brando

[bookwyrminspiration]

wait wait what the fuck. shannon set up the "immortality ALWAYS comes with a cost" thing with fallon's faulty memory + bronte's needing to keep himself involved so he doesn't lose himself + fintan and vesperas' instability and then just Did Not Talk About It.

Like what about how all of their individual falling aparts come from their abilities? Fallon is a telepath (I'm not bothering to fact check that correct me if I'm wrong) and his mind is wandering, his memory is faulty, he can't stay in the moment. Bronte loses control of himself, he's become cold and stubborn, he has to ball his negative emotions up in his chest to keep from feeling too much. Fintan is unstable like a fire, an infection, he needs to consume everything in his path and maybe or maybe not let something new grow from the ashes; fire is vengeful. vespera has gone numb and that's what happens when you feel too many emotions for too long! you lose yourself!

that's a symptom of being an ancient!! you lose yourself!!

exploring this as a parallel to fitz, sophie, marella, and keefe is interesting as well because you're seeing all these ancients fall apart and it's because of their ability. Keefe already is going numb. Marella can barely keep control. Sophie ties her emotions around themselves. Fitz loses his mind in his emotions. They know that this could happen to them. It will.

For some reason, it's never talked about how immortality (or indefinite life) is the perfect circumstance for a mind to break. Maybe elves don't die. maybe they're exiled because the weight of the years shattered them.

Oo and excellent observation and conversational topic. What really stands out to me about it is that's it's an inevitability. It's not you might lose yourself to your ability, it's not you might become unstable, it's not you might have to fight against it. It's that you live forever, so there is no escaping it. You live forever, so you will live long enough to experience the disconnect of a world moving on around you. You will live long enough that you will either have to fight to stay present--like Bronte--or distance yourself--like Fallon and other ancients. And if you chose to fight, then you will keep living, long enough that there will come a time you cannot continue to win. Perhaps you can stay in a stalemate for a while, but it will grow increasingly difficult and eventually will reach a point of no return.

And! It never ends! Elves live forever. Unless they die via unnatural means (fire, squashed, drowned, fell down the stairs bella swan style) they are going to just. Be experiencing that forever. There is no anticipated ending to losing themselves, they just continuously do so forever and ever. Some can hold on longer than others, are more present than others at the same point in time, but we're speaking in infinities! That dwarfs it all. Unless they finally discover a natural end to their lifespan, it's all practically inevitable.

But yeah, Shannon has not covered this. Likely because 1. it's horrifying, and 2. it's completely irrelevant to the battle's Sophie is facing. She has eternity in front of her, and eternity to come to terms with her lifespan. Right now she's got other things on her plate than contemplating how long she'll live and what she'll do with it and what'll happen to her. But also I think. It may have been unintentional on Shannon's part, to create such a consequence. Not that she's completely ignoring it, as she has separated the ancients from everyone else to an extent and characterized them differently. But the idea of losing yourself inevitably with time? Probably not what she meant, at least that's my assumption based on what she's intended with the rest of her world. However, maybe i'm wrong and not giving her enough credit! perhaps she knows about that, but just doesn't cover it because it doesn't fit the vibe of the series or her intended audience.

Who knows! Either way, it is a very interesting and also horrifying thought. Thanks for prompting it!

[thefirstknife]

I'm actually really glad TFS got delayed for entirely selfish reasons--I like to take my time and enjoy the game so that usually means I'm still doing some wrap-up on gathering gear, crafting, or powering up stuff until late in the season. But this time around I wouldn't have been able to do that because I had gender affirming surgery scheduled for the tail end of the season, and if there's been any complications or it was a rough recovery I'd have risked missing out on any finale stuff. The delay meant I could take my usual sweet time, enjoy everything at a relaxed pace, and not risk missing out on anything that'd be removed at the drop of the new expansion

Honestly same! Long seasons have been a fave of mine since Arrivals. It just gives you so much extra time to take things at your own pace and make sure you're not stressing out about finishing everything. Most people don't play this game as a job! People have other things to do and they don't want to clock in at the Destiny factory to play 24/7 so they don't miss something. I play a lot, and yet there's still a lot of stuff I haven't done! I still haven't finished my GMs this season because everyone has been busy; if not for the delay, we would've had to cram everything and risk getting annoyed or burned out before the final expansion.

I really really hope that with Episodes they do something about this urgency to finish things in a specific time slot or else... My greatest wish for Episodes is that they will be the type of content that can stay in the game indefinitely instead of being removed after a year. This is a super complex topic btw (the whole thing with seasons leaving, as well as vaulting) that I think a lot of people tend to oversimplify because it's easier to just say we don't like it and assume malice. I might make a post about it and my thoughts on it because damn, I really don't like story elements being removed, but also there's so many interlocked issues with the type of game this is and how it works that it's a huge undertaking to talk about it in a responsible and neutral way, instead of just farming easy upvotes by saying "vaulting bad" (and for the record, yeah, it is bad, especially for the story).

But yeah, the thing I want the most out of Episodes is that something about the content cycle is fixed and that we get to keep them so we can continue playing at our own pace instead of feeling forced to grind when we might not be into it or we don't have time. Keeping things for a year is better than before, but I would really like if this content is something that we can play (and replay!) for as long as the game is alive.

So yep, totally agree. Love the extended seasons and the amount of time it gives players to breathe and not stress out. It makes the game more enjoyable since you can take a break and come back and feel refreshed about playing again.

And congrats on your surgery! I hope the recovery is going well for you and that you're happy with it! :D

[loosesodamarble]

Hello senpai it’s 🖤  anon for the ask game can you answer 2, 4, 11, 12, 19 and 25. I hope it's not too many.

🖤 anon! It's always a delight to have you in my inbox! Thank you for all the questions!

And don’t worry, it’s not too many! 💖🥰 I’m more than happy to answer!

2) a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

A small WIP (that I really should address soon) is centered on Gauche's character and I've only written for him once before and years ago. I find him fascinating because of how exclusive he is with his care (initially, he branches out his love in canon). He's not self-centered the way, say the Dark Triad are. But he's not sociable and giving the way someone like Asta is.

I guess most people are like that, they have their circle of who they care for deeply. But Gauche is a lot more intense about it. And that's what makes him fun.

I really hope I can get him right with the WIP.

4) a story idea you haven’t written yet

So I answered this question earlier but I can answer it again all fresh because AAAAAHHHHH! I have a lot of story ideas that I have yet to write out.

An idea that has been plaguing me recently is the thought of writing different endings for certain dating sim routes. The "Normal Endings" from Radiant Tale have a bit of range to them.

In Zafora's Normal Ending, mc Tifalia and him don't end up in a romantic relationship (which is kinda the goal of a dating sim) but he usurps his corrupt uncle's position of power and Tifalia is his secretary. That sounds normal enough. Meanwhile in Ion's Normal Ending, Tifalia ends up in an indefinite coma due to injuries while Ion has his heart frozen to keep him from being used as a living puppet. So both of them are essentially dead to the world. The ending had me going "the heck just happened in my sweet yet adventurous circus otome?!?!?!" And then Paschalia's Normal Ending just... Fucking slaps Ion in the face with how ideal it is in comparison.

I would like to write alternate endings for RadiTale's routes that fall more in line with the tone of Ion's Normal Ending because, man, I cannot have him suffer alone!

11) a WIP you’d like to finish someday

AAAAAHHHHH! I have a WIP for a second chapter of a fanfiction I wrote for the Cinderella Phenomenon games.

It's such a cute idea! Lucette wants to give Klaude a special gift but ends up adding a bit more to the gift so it suits Klaude a little more while still keeping the original idea in tact! KHDIGUAETHIAETH! But I'm hung up on a transition point so maybe I'll skip the transition scene and get onto the real meat of what I want to write and maybe then I'll finish the WIP!

12) a trope you’re really into right now

Aside from the possessive lover trope I mentioned earlier, I will always and forever be a sucker for "I will love/forgive you no matter what" dynamics (one of the core ideas to Nacsele so no surprise there).

Unconditional care is my jam! I do get that some relationships work better with the dynamic one apologizing and the other finding it in themselves to accept and forgive (Silvas siblings, the beloveds). But I will forever prefer relationships where someone has done wrong (and acknowledges/shows remorse for it) and feels like they can't be loved/forgiven, but the other person just brushes it aside in favor of showing love (Finral and Langris, Yami and Nacht, Yves x Ceres [Virche Evermore], Ignis x Kotone [Cafe Enchante], Nacsele).

Love me characters who embrace the one who hurt them because their love is stronger than their pain.

19) the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

🤔 Most interesting topic I’ve researched?

Maybe it was whether or not lye used for soap making was available during a specific era in Japanese history.

I guess recently I did a quick search on terminology used in city planning. Not all that interesting or in-depth though.

I honestly don’t do that much research when writing fanfiction. I know I’m not expected to be an expert in every possible topic that comes up in a fic and readers probably come in knowing my breadth of knowledge isn’t that great. So I end up not putting that much thought into researching and any inaccuracies on certain topics are likely forgivable.

25) besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

Another question I answered before but I can still give fresh answers to.

So I'm not sure how much of a hobby this is but I collect soap bars and then make my way through them. I go to a particular soap shop because I love how big and colorful they make their soap. I sometimes get tempted to bite into the soap because the colors are so, like, candy-esque.

[usercookie2008]

What is the the Generation AU is about?? 👀

IM GLAD YOU ASKED :D

ready for a ramble here, it's gonna be a bit long

Alright so The Generations AU is an Au that goes off the passage of time and Generally poses the story Upon how Nightmare has to experience those he loves pass away with due time and life basically Circling through as it does

Now this is also like a Dadmare kind of Au with NM having a really Close relationship with his gang members (Cross, Killer, Horror, and Dust) or more of less Sons.

Now in the begining of the Au it really seems like a Simple ordinary run of the mill Bad Sanses Found family with a shit ton of Headcannons sorta spewed in there (like Cross is into Photography, Dust does Needle felting, Killer does carvings n stuff these actually play a part so much later too so like duely note this) but as it progresses Nightmare begins to watch his Boys Grow up and make families of their own, and that time they're still absolute menaces to the AUs yeah though it's a little calmer with Nightmare scheduling accordingly cause he doesn't want his boys to miss out on time with a loved one or ones cause some do indefinitely have kids in the far future

Now yk things seem to be going perfectly fine though theres the first Hick up with Cross's relationship really starting to fall appart with Swap. I'm not too sure what happens majorly between this point Appart from Nightmare being Absolutely pissed at Swap and also Nightmare getting to actually Meet Cross's kids for the first time since he and swap were temporarily taking a break from each other after a really heated argument they had about each other's Jobs of their respective teams, usually wasn't a problem but over the topic it was hard scheduling for making sure they were cared for when they had to do their jobs while Cross did indeed have that and could plan ahead, Swap was often Dragged away at the same time or anytime by Ink and Swap suggested that possibly Cross could Retire from the bad Sanses

Anyways so Cross Lives back in the manor for that time being and NM gets time to spend with his Grandchildren

Not much happens again though more time passes and more and more Problems or just inconveniences happen

But then that's when things kinda go for the worse for Nightmare when he finds Cross unresponsive and ultimately dust's due to a heartbroken soul

With Cross being separated from Swap, which due to the arguments getting worse with every time one arose Which had grew more and more constant by the day they had decided that their Marriage is over (oh yeah did I mention they were married? Er well they were), it left Cross very upset and in Abit of a bad headspace. Cross to kinda put it is like a person with a heart on their elbow (that's what it is right? Recently heard about it and really thought wow it kinda fits Cross quite a bit). He didn't do anything to himself but Fell down due to just how bad he felt and upsetting the whole ordeal was, especially because he still loved Swap even if the relationship was over

Noting Cross had the custody of their two kids, Fluke and Cort, Nightmare takes it upon himself to Protect and Raise them and this point Its where Nightmare kinda realizes or more or less remembers that he's inmortal, but his gang isn't. Even so doesn't really deter him from exactly Promising/swearing to himself that he'll take care of these generations

Maybe,,

Idk there's actually a lot still in speculation did only Thought up of this Au like 4 days ago but The ideas are brewing frfr

But uh yeah the general thing is Nightmare Watching over the generations of their Children and their children's Children and ECT ect for however long with the reoccurring of the kids wanting to follow in their parents footsteps plus nightmare ofc adopting more Sanses in the long run

Now though THE ANGST oh boy do I got Ideas

So knowing how these kids are basically similar like mini versions of his found family, there's probably been so many times Nightmare has to keep himself from Bursting into tears whenever he sees of of his kids in their childrens faces or just something that one of them did before that seemed to carry on through the kid like Habits or something

Also the General grief Nightmare would have with every Soul he has to watch pass by knowing he'll Never, Never, See them ever again and he'll live with that forever. Eventually he likely mellows out to acceptance but I don't think he'd ever truely recover from losing his boys that actually made him see life as actually something Truly beautiful instead of a Dark pit it had seemed to much like before they cracked through that wall he built around himself because of his Au and experiences before he even had a chance to really live

On a side note Nightmare does actually get some Support that also tag along with him through these things or more or less ends up picking up a few immortals along the way too so Noot gets some comfort but uh yeah that's kinda all I got of now

I don't even have a solid Baseline for this Au yet and I'm already thinking of All the Different times n stuff for it lol

Though it seems more centralized in the time period not too long after Nightmare looses all his Boys and is around the point of Raising a few of their kids and some Fusions he found too of what will be known as the first generation :>

Oh also here's some art cause I do have a bit of a doodle with Noot

I'm not 100% sure if I'm going to keep that jacket (I might change it later) but I do know I'm going to keep the Layers underneath it

Also planning on adding accessories that Nightmare was gifted from his kids, maybe something like a Locket from Cross, A Knife from Killer, yk like something that meant a lot to them and They Gifted Nightmare these things cause it resembled them (especially so to Nightmare even if to anyone else they just seem like normal items)

Also here's the initial Screenshot of me conjuring up the Au Idea and my brain has been going Bonkers over it since then

Also anyone feel free to ask more questions about the Au (or really any of my Aus) and I will be so Happy to answer 💥

[gross-text-adventures]

Text Adventure Next Steps

tldr: Karkat Text Adventure is on indefinite hiatus; new text adventure coming soon; some changes to how they'll work; poll to vote for the content of the next adventure.

Starting at point one, yes, Karkat Text Adventure is on indefinite hiatus. It's been a while since I did anything on it, and I need some time before I think about going in and continuing it (or alternatively cleaning up some of the things I wrote before to change its format). It's not done for good - I'll come back at some point to continue the paths that are started and maybe add a few more, but I can't promise when that will be.

However, I really enjoyed the process of doing KTA! So this absolutely won't be the end of this blog. I'm planning to get another text adventure going in the next little while, though with a different setting and character so I don't burn out on the concept. The character is already decided to be Jake, but for the concept, I'm opening things up to you a bit! More on that later.

As I mentioned above, there will be some changes to how I do text adventures. First of all, I'll be focusing in on a single kink or collection of related kinks for the story. Switching between different and unconnected kinks such as ABDL and weight gain in a single story gave me some whiplash, so the scope for this project will be a bit tighter.

On a related note, the path will also be tighter. I won't be giving as many suggestions for directions to take (though I remain open for inbox suggestions), and I'm going to prioritise pushing forward in deep paths as opposed to making a broad tree of shallower options.

You can probably tell why just from looking at this graph of the beginning of KTA. Even only looking at responses within 5 clicks of the start, that number of branches makes consistency difficult. So yes, expect fewer but deeper branches for Jake Text Adventure - I'll likely keep on a single path until that one either reaches a conclusion or stops receiving responses, then move back to wherever the most promising branch-off appears.

Now, the promised poll! Pick one of the three kinks below to decide which will be the main focus of the next text adventure. There are some kinks which may feature in all of them - they all have room for hypnosis, for instance - but you can imagine there are some topics which are pretty exclusively one camp. For clarification, 'Transformations' means things like inanimate object transformation, flattening, hyper proportions, species change, etc.

When it looks like the poll has settled (so possibly before the week is up), I'll declare the winner and open another poll for the specific scenario. Feel free to send in asks suggesting scenarios! Either something for one specific fetish ("Jake should go to a magic buffet") or something that fits with more than one of them ("What if Jake got messed with by a magic phone app?"), both are fine. I'll take user suggestions that seem doable and add them to the next poll, and when that poll runs out, Jake Text Adventure will begin, so keep an eye out!

[wubwubnparmaham]

You writers are soooo incredible, I don't understand how you do it. i've been following you for years, and you JUST. KEEP. HITTING. i've never reeally tried to write, well maybe once but it wasnt that good. what is it even like to create something this massive as love endless and get to look back on it like "dam i really did that." ig on behalf of all of us readers, i just wanna thank you! <3 <3

You're a gemmm. By "this massive" I know you mean by word count, cuz it definitely isn't a famous fandom tale by any means, more like an underground cult classic people happen to vibe with, but I digress. Writing is fucking stupid hard, and anyone who tells you differently doesn't put much emotion into what they do. I'm a drug addict (9 years clean but God do I miss the rage), so love endless to me is a HUGE allegory for drug abuse, and sometimes it took a lot out of me to write about overdoses and cravings and whatnot, because I go through life constantly just wishing I could have all that back even if it ruined my life (gettin real stupidly deep here, bear with me), and I wrote things like all the opium they did to live even more vicariously, sooooo jealous of the fact that they could bask in opiates indefinitely and nothing bad would ever happen to them and they wouldn't experience the bad sides. I've also lost a lot of people, friends and family, to expected or unexpected and tragic deaths, some of them drug-related but all, so I wrote in the return of the dead cuz, ya know, what I wouldn't give to bring some of those beautiful people back in my life. OYCBMA (the story I'm ironically more known for) has tons of personal life shit baked into it too, of a different kind.

Overall, it's no overstatement to say that one puts one's soul into one's writing, and the same goes for any creative expression / passion. It's a release, and sometimes, therapy for trauma. I have other books in the works that deal with other things absent from my ao3 stories, like sexual abuse and that sorta shit that I went through for years, and it's just all around liberating to write through emotions like that, but also immensely difficult sometimes, and potentially re-traumatizing.

That said I am proud, yes, and sometimes I'm like hell yeah, this is my legacy, as small as it is, it's enough—because actually, my deepest, darkest feelings are irrevocably entwined with it, so to say it means everything to me for people to support the story is an understatement. It's so much more ❤️ in my twisted perspective, it's like you're supporting MY life story without knowing it lolol, even if I'm just the man behind the curtain.

Ig my advice if you do wanna write is just to let your emotions guide the way. If you do that, it'll touch people, and a sort of pseudo-bond will grow between author and reader, and it'll feel nice and communal. Idk man I have lots to say on this topic, but I'll cut it. Didn't mean to say this much anyway.

In conclusion, thanks for your support! I appreciate it ☺️