#(basically aubrey has two gay uncles why not)

[magentagalaxies]

Kids in the Archive: Episode 7

currently procrastinating on writing my own comedy sketch for my college class that's due tomorrow which means it's time for another episode of kids in the archive! the show where i highlight iconic kids in the hall sketches that i have procured the original scripts for and break down a behind-the-scenes comparison of script and screen

Previous Episodes: Episode 1 - armada finale ("do we make it?") Episode 2 - fran & gordon: the vacation Episode 3 - comfortable Episode 4 - cathy & kathi: is he? Episode 5 - danny husk: kidnapped! Episode 6 - Trappers

on today's escapade, i take you to the s2e5 sketch Sizzlers and the Bank!

imo sizzler and sizzler embody the best things about kids in the hall's recurring characters that you don't get in any other show. despite only appearing in 3 main sketches, none of their appearances were formulaic and they were given genuine depth and character arcs while still hitting all the beats of great sketch comedy. i truly hope i get a copy of "treatment" someday so i can go even deeper into what makes them some of my favorites

Bruce's Character

The first notable change in this draft version of the sketch is that Bruce's character is present from the very beginning. Now, in the first Sizzler and Sizzler sketch, Bruce's character of the nightclub owner provides some of my favorite lines (I still quote "the pre-show part of the show", "the show part of the show", and "the describing the show to the police part of the show" all the times, or some variation like when i tell a rambly anecdote and refer to "the story part of the story"). however, there aren't really any notable bruce lines in the first half of this sketch, so it's unsurprising his character was cut until the second half.

The Love Triangle

as the sizzlers are playing with their hostages, in the sketch that aired their antics are limited to making people put their hands up, mixing up the shoes, and choosing two people to fall in love. in the original draft, their antics are more drawn out, including setting up a love triangle

The Ending

the ending of the script is largely similar to the version that aired, albeit with some extra dialogue upon leaving the bank. the most major addition is that both jerry sizzlers shoot each other prior to proclaiming the city a "madhouse" (which happens on the following page, it's the only line on that last page so i didn't include it)

out of the three sizzler and sizzler sketches, i'd probably give sizzlers and the bank the bronze medal. this isn't because the sketch is bad, it just doesn't hook me as much as the first and last of their trilogy. i always found the turn of jerry shooting jerry a bit abrupt (that is slightly lessened in the script with the stage direction but not by much) - and while i know the justification for every sizzler and sizzler action is "he's crazy," it just typically doesn't manifest in explicitly violent ways so the turn feels jarring. still, i appreciate its place in the sizzler trilogy and the fact that it managed to build continuity (you can still see the bloodstain on the robe in "treatment," and it could be argued that jerry got put back in custody after the shooting leading to the final sketch)

the sizzler sisters are a bit similar to tammy in how, despite being common character archetypes, they are dealt with so differently in the course of their 3 sketch runs that they would never fit on a more formulaic show like snl. both the sizzlers and tammy go through full arcs in their trilogies (god i hope i find an excuse to do one of these about tammy), cross between live sketches and prerecorded media, and are given satisfactory endings. snl will occasionally do a sendoff for their characters when the actor leaves the show, but those tend to be the only break in their pattern. vs kith, where the pattern is fully realized characters who can still make you laugh in under 5 minutes.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE HAPPIEST SEASON

You guys! I finally watched the lesbian holiday movie!! Though when I texted my mom to tell her I was finally watching this, she thought I was talking about The Prom and I laughed for a real long time about it (mainly because it will take me an even longer time to get around to hate watching that!) It already took about a month to get to this one. There is a lot to discuss here - and also one wig!

So this is the first (big budget) holiday lesbian movie, which I am very here for. However, most of the movie feels like a combination between My Best Friend’s Wedding, Meet the Parents, and The Family Stone but with lesbians. Those movies were made between 1997 and 2005 and this movie feels like it should exist somewhere in that time as well. The whole plot of the movie is basically that Kristen Stewart (Abby) has to pretend NOT to be Mackenzie Davis’s (Harper’s)  long-term girlfriend for the sake of Harper’s conservative family with local political aspirations while also spending 5 days with them during Christmas. It’s a conceit that exists solely in these brand of garbage holiday rom coms but definitely one that feels bizarrely antiquated as well. 

Anyway! There is only one wig in this movie which belongs to Davis, who had a vastly superior lesbian wig in that one episode of Black Mirror that made us all cry. We first see this under this hat where it should have hidden for the rest of the film! 

Sadly, the next scene involves the full emergence of this wig and truly: NO. This thing is dried out, bent, and disheveled in not a cool way (Stewart’s actual hair is disheveled in a cool way, though). The entire presence of this wig bothers me because: just have her have whatever hair she has? This is not a historical recreation (that I’m aware of?) and she is not playing a real person! This feels like when SNL cast members wear wigs in sketches for similarly non-existent reasons. However, SNL wigs are vastly superior to this mess!

So anyway, Harper invites Abby to have Christmas at her parents’ house in the heat of the moment during a very romantic (?) Pittsburgh Christmas lights tour which is apparently something that exists. Abby conveniently, and completely for the sake of this plot to work (?) does not like Christmas and also is an orphan, getting rid of any possible Christmas plan conflicts. And then literally on the way to visiting Harper’s family, she is all: by the way, they don’t know you’re my girlfriend or that I’m a lesbian and you have to go along with it for sake of this movie to exist even though this is absolutely a terrible thing to ask of anyone, periodt. But we are beginning to find out that Harper’s character is as full of garbage as her wig. 

So we meet the parents, who are Victor Garber, Mary Steenbergen, and also Mary Steenbergen’s iPad which vulture correctly identifies as the star of this movie AND IT IS. Especially during the end credits where we get to see all the pics the iPad takes! But I’m getting ahead of myself. The parents live in one of those cavernous houses that is definitely a mansion but tries to feel homey even though it probably has about 12 bedrooms and usually only exists in a Nancy Meyers movie. Despite its amount of bedrooms,  Abby has to sleep in a basement bunker which also doubles as a well organized rubbermaid storage unit. For the rest of the movie, Abby is treated like a subhuman trash person much in the way Ben Stiller is treated in Meet the Parents and Sarah Jessica Parker is treated in The Family Stone, except they don’t also have to pretend to not be in a relationship with the family member they arrived with. This conceit becomes so degrading that you honestly wonder why these people are still together!

Abby endures scene after scene of total nonsense and still looks better than the wig on her terrible girlfriend. Which starts actually looking better in a few of these scenes but still is very much a terrible and noticeable wig which is on par with Rachel McAdams’ wig in Mean Girls in that we are constantly told that these women are gorgeous and every single time I ask “YOU MEAN WITH THAT TERRIBLE WIG ON THEIR HEADS????” I suppose this wig was “necessary” because Harper’s two sisters also have long-ish brown hair so they were going for some sort of familial consistency except one daughter has a terrible wig and the other two have hair. Also one sister is Alison Brie, who plays a harpy so awful that she starts to make Harper look palatable and one sister is Mary Holland, who also cowrote the script, and definitely wrote herself the only character who I’d like to meet in real life. 

Along the way, we also meet Aubrey Plaza, who I usually hate because she is just one-note sullen, but here is actually great as Harper’s high school ex-girlfriend who Harper outted and allowed to be bullied and wow Harper - you have been terrible for decades!! Also compared to Harper, Aubrey has beautiful (real) hair, doesn’t lie to her entire family, and has actual chemistry with Abby. I very much wanted Abby to end up with Aubrey and I am not alone! Harper somehow avoids Abby for most of the time they are both staying in the same (albeit huge) house and there is even a dumb subplot about Abby being framed for shoplifting while trying to buy a gift for the parents’ very important white elephant gift exchange during their very important Christmas Eve party and I wonder if any of these people really knows what a white elephant gift is or how to exist in society? Meanwhile, as Harper reverts to being more falsely  heteronormative at her parents house, I started to wonder if her wig was trying to serve a larger purpose in showing how fake this character is but: no it’s just a bad wig. Also this movie really does the impossible: it makes me care about and feel bad for Kristen Stewart! 

Although I did find it highly questionable that though they are the stars of a romantic comedy, neither Kristen Stewart or Mackenzie Davis is funny AT ALL. Like not even a little! Which makes the “comedic” plight of Stewart all the more upsetting! All comedy is left to the one good daughter (Mary Holland) and also all gay men in the movie. This is mainly Abby’s bff and national (Canadian) treasure, Dan Levy and also Drag Race faves Jinxx Monsoon and Ben De-La-Creme in this one gay bar scene which is honestly truly inconceivable and except for further cementing the fact that Abby and Aubrey really should get together. 

In the end, Alison Brie finds out Harper’s TERRIBLE SECRET THAT NO ONE IN 2020 COULD POSSIBLY FATHOM (that she’s a lesbian) and they have a fight in the middle of the white elephant party which reveals that all the family has been competing for years for each other’s love which is really really messed up and now I kind of hate everyone in this family. And also Harper is outed to her entire terrible family and also Ana Gasteyer (and also a room full of other randos). And she denies her lesbian truth!  I recently watched Uncle Frank which is essentially everything Hillbilly Elegy wanted to be but is Shakespeare compared to that mess, and a similar scene occurs but that character bravely faces the truth - and in 1970s SOUTH CAROLINA!! I don’t know what time or space this movie thinks it exists in but it is baffling. Still, Dan Levy gives an emotional monologue about how no one can decide when anyone else is ready to come out of the closet so: FAIR. And then Harper does come out and the entire family kind gives absolutely no reaction to this until Victor Garber says it’s ok?? ABSOLUTELY AND TRULY BIZARRELY PATRIARCHAL. And then Harper and Abby get back together in the parking lot of a Love’s convenience store which is as cheesy and clunky as any garbage holiday rom com so I guess this is definitely a new holiday “classic” which I’ll probably watch 100 more times and hate Harper and her terrible wig each time about as much as I hate Laura Linney’s terrible life choices in Love, Actually. AS CONFOUNDING AS HARPER’S WIG OR THE CHOICE TO GIVE HER ONE AT ALL!

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

[chicagocityfclanspromoblog]

Marquis Anderson → Aubrey Joseph  → Hunter

→ Basic Information

Age: 23

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay

Birthday: October 28th

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Religion: Atheist

Like Marquis? Consider taking him in our Hunter Giveaway Event! We will be waiving applications para samples, personalities and histories requirements for all canon hunters. Just send in the first and last name of the hunter(s) you would like to the main.

��� His Personality (one to two paragraphs)

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Hunter

Scars: Scars running along the back of both arms from a hunting accident

Tattoos: None

Two Likes: Lo-Fi Music and Riding the L

Two Dislikes: Betrayal and Neon Yellow

Two Fears: Being the center of attention and Witches and Warlocks

Two Hobbies: Sketching and Crime/Mystery Solving (human cases)

Three Positive Traits: Strategic, Persistent, Loyal

Three Negative Traits: Brooding, Quiet, Secretive

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Alexus Anderson (Mother): Alexus isn’t a bad mother but isn’t the best either.

Samson Anderson (Father): Samson used to be there but he has been missing lately. Marquis will leave with him in a heartbeat if it comes up.

Sibling Names:

Nia Anderson (Sister): Marquis likes Nia but she pays too much attention to him.

Trevon Anderson (Brother): Trevon is a great brother but a horrible friend.

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

None

Platonic Connections:

Grant Anderson (Uncle): Grant is his uncle. They’re on good terms.

Imani Anderson (Cousin): Marquis likes his cousin. She introduced him to Alice and Helena.

Ebony Anderson (Cousin): Ebony is cool. They don’t hunt much together.

Jazmine Anderson (Aunt): Jazmine has bad vibes around her. He stays quiet when they’re in the same room.

Raven Jenkins (Cousin): Raven is his favorite cousin. She doesn’t ask questions or get too involved.

Alice Colt (Good Friend): Alice is the leader of their friend group and the person who gives them pseudo missions. He likes her, though he knows she just sees him as muscle.

Helena Stone (Good Friend): Helena is a good hunter. She likes to be cruel like Alice, but they get along ok. She wants to run away too, and he understands why.

Churchill Darling (Mentor): Churchill was the one who got Marquis started on PI work. He’s been a big help with knowing police procedure and even gave Marquis the paperwork to become a PI. He’s not sure why Church is doing it, but is chalking it up to him wanting another hunter “off” the street.

Douglas Gish (Connection to the Police Department): Douglas is Marquis’s local contact at the police station. He calls him when he has the case solved, and has even dropped off detained criminals. Douglas doesn’t push too much info wise, but Marquis knows he uses his info to officially solve the cold cases.

Hostile Connections:

None

Pets:

None

→ History (paragraph(s) on background)

→ The Present (paragraph(s) on how the character connects to the plot)

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Aubrey Joseph [1][2][3][4]

[chicagocityofclans]

Marquis Anderson → Aubrey Joseph  → Hunter

→ Basic Information

Age: 23

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay

Birthday: October 28th

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Religion: Atheist

→ His Personality (one to two paragraphs)

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Hunter

Scars: Scars running along the back of both arms from a hunting accident

Tattoos: None

Two Likes: Lo-Fi Music and Riding the L

Two Dislikes: Betrayal and Neon Yellow

Two Fears: Being the center of attention and Witches and Warlocks

Two Hobbies: Sketching and Crime/Mystery Solving (human cases)

Three Positive Traits: Strategic, Persistent, Loyal

Three Negative Traits: Brooding, Quiet, Secretive

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Alexus Anderson (Mother): Alexus isn’t a bad mother but isn’t the best either.

Samson Anderson (Father): Samson used to be there but he has been missing lately. Marquis will leave with him in a heartbeat if it comes up.

Sibling Names:

Nia Anderson (Sister): Marquis likes Nia but she pays too much attention to him.

Trevon Anderson (Brother): Trevon is a great brother but a horrible friend.

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

None

Platonic Connections:

Grant Anderson (Uncle): Grant is his uncle. They’re on good terms.

Imani Anderson (Cousin): Marquis likes his cousin. She introduced him to Alice and Helena.

Ebony Anderson (Cousin): Ebony is cool. They don’t hunt much together.

Jazmine Anderson (Aunt): Jazmine has bad vibes around her. He stays quiet when they’re in the same room.

Raven Jenkins (Cousin): Raven is his favorite cousin. She doesn’t ask questions or get too involved.

Alice Colt (Good Friend): Alice is the leader of their friend group and the person who gives them pseudo missions. He likes her, though he knows she just sees him as muscle.

Helena Stone (Good Friend): Helena is a good hunter. She likes to be cruel like Alice, but they get along ok. She wants to run away too, and he understands why.

Churchill Darling (Mentor): Churchill was the one who got Marquis started on PI work. He’s been a big help with knowing police procedure and even gave Marquis the paperwork to become a PI. He’s not sure why Church is doing it, but is chalking it up to him wanting another hunter “off” the street.

Douglas Gish (Connection to the Police Department): Douglas is Marquis’s local contact at the police station. He calls him when he has the case solved, and has even dropped off detained criminals. Douglas doesn’t push too much info wise, but Marquis knows he uses his info to officially solve the cold cases.

Hostile Connections:

None

Pets:

None

→ History (paragraph(s) on background)

→ The Present (paragraph(s) on how the character connects to the plot)

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Aubrey Joseph [1][2][3][4]