#(as if it ever went well for anyone else)
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How it is trying to fight this absolute menace
#(as if it ever went well for anyone else)#sun Wukong#the destined one#jttw#black myth Wukong#journey to the west#fanart#monkey king
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aand done!! This took forever, but it's the first time I've successfully finished one of these templates and it was a lot of fun :]
#wings of fire#wof#wings of fire art#wings of fire fanart#wof fanart#ani's art#peril wof#luna wof#moorhen wof#pearl wof#(im her biggest and perhaps only fan)#(i will write that fic of her Someday)#lynx wof#blaze wof#i was actually planning to do reed for the underrated character initially but like. people still at least Acknowledge he exists#and he's well liked among the ppl who do remember him#whereas i have never seen anyone talk about pearl in depth ever#maybe im just very confined to the wiki community tho idk#anyway !! love how royal seawing family history repeats itself#so of course i designed her to look like anemone#went ham on her design since she doesnt have much of a canon description to go off of#but everyone else's was colorpicked from their official art#Just realized I forgot to color pearl’s earring fuck my stupid baka life
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rereading the hivebent commentary makes me so annoyed that people are never really willing to analyze the actual effects that alternian culture clearly had on every troll, especially the highbloods. pretty much the only troll who ever actually gets taken in the context of her upbringing is vriska.
no one ever seems willing to think about the character arcs of trolls like equius and terezi, who are also bluebloods with extremely hypocritical and toxic understandings of the people around them-- equius is boiled down to a gross creep who is just like that naturally and definitely didn't get it from his society in any way, whilst terezi is scrubbed of virtually all her flaws and turned into a strange sort of woke love interest character who is all about being gay and too cool to be tricked by any of the alternian propaganda. quadrants? classism? how silly! terezi would never believe in stupid shit like that. she's quirky! and GAY!
despite the fact that equius and terezi both obviously have much, much more to their personalities than that-- and the alternian empire is informing way more dangerous things about these kid's beliefs than "you can kiss your enemies".
#hsmeta#op#terezi wants to be a cop and views herself as responsible for vriska BECAUSE of her hypocritical ideas of justice#shes NOT just obsessed with dealing with vriska because shes interested in her - she has weird freak codependency because of COP HYPOCRISY#she is also gay for vriska but thats part of the Turmoil. thats part of her struggle with her motivations.#terezi thinks shes Holier Than Everyone and that shes the only one who can kill vriska w/o it being 'petty revenge'#while ignoring that she's actually the one with more emotional investment in vriska than ANYBODY#man there are so many interesting things to say about terezi but everyone is too busy making her the mouthpiece for their Woke Jokes#bcuz they actually think terezi is woke. and not a deeply confused and distraught girl with more issues than bones#i also like equius but ive made posts abt him before. lol#homestuck#i could talk about eridan and feferi and gamzee too actually#and how i rarely ever see anyone talk about them In The Context Of Alternia. its always just oh well they did a bad thing that annoyed me.#vriska gets hundreds of thousands of pages of discourse into why alternia / her upbringing affected her actions. but nobody else does#idk. i went on for too long in these tags already LOL#btw the inspo for this post was my lovely partner as usual#💫
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Just discovered the term les4les. Are we really trying to make biphobia cool again
#it was on a blog with sapphic in the username too 🙃 but les4les in their about and tagged on every one of their posts#like you realize sapphic includes bisexual women right?#went to the tag just to make sure i wasnt insane and half the posts were also tagged with wlw#like you realize that ALSO includes bisexual women right??#some dumbass was like 'the discourse around les4les is insane how come we cant say that but bisexuals can talk about#how they wont ever date women' like ??? where are all these mythical bisexual women who hate dating women#someone else was bragging about being gold star#what the hell is happening. is this 2014? we're returning to 'women who date/have dated men are tainted by them' discourse#but this time asking people to pretend its not hateful#and also reappropriating all the terms we created specifically to build community between lesbians and bi/pan women?#(bc of course none of them even acknowledged the existence of pansexuality as a label either)#first blog was also like 'i need butch mutuals 🥺 why do no butches follow me 🥺'#well idk about any other butches but IM not going to follow anyone whos biphobic to my friends and partners#and as someone who identified as 'old fashioned' they should EXPECT me to protect my femmes anyway right?#anyway. probably shouldnt even bother posting this but that was such a stupid thing to wake up to#rambling
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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award for most devil’s sacrament moment of the year goes without a doubt to this morning when my coworker (delivering presentation) (screen projected onto wall in front of me and god and everyone) opened a new tab in google chrome and in the number one spot among the collection of icons for frequently visited websites was. the ao3 logo
#when i tell you it took everything i had in me not to visibly or audibly react#and she didn’t react at all! so either she has a great poker face or didn’t notice or else also subscribes to the whole devil’s sacrament#mindset i.e. ‘well if they recognize it they have no room to judge’#which is of course correct! i’m not judging! i’m simply experiencing The Kinship That Must Never Be Acknowledged very acutely in a public#and professional environment!#this is also not really new information to me like i don’t know for sure if she’s on this website but i could For Sure have pegged her as#an ao3 girlie at least and i’m sure she knows the same about me#(throwback to the runner-up for the most devil’s sacrament moment award from last week when i (clearly online) mentioned that i don’t spend#much time on youtube but i find other ways to waste it and she was like ‘oh such as?�� and i cursed my big mouth and awkwardly went ‘well i#read a lot of fiction’ (true but NOT what we were talking about and we both knew it perfectly well) and then we both had to sit with that)#anyway! mini heart attack moment for sure seeing that symbol in that context but fun times overall :)#and this is why i will never ever open ao3 in a non-incognito tab lest my computer too decide to betray me. forever amen#[REDACTED] on the OFF CHANCE YOU END UP READING THIS and recognize yourself and thus learn my online identity. please don’t tell anyone#let’s keep the devil’s sacrament between us#caseyposting
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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contemplating deleting my blog soon I might make a new blog but idk
#.bdo#i just need to work on some insecurity issues is all. been on a long self journey this year#can't shake the feeling that every time i say anything it's wrong somehow#and there is some reality to that. i have been wrong several times I've even been downright mean to people over misunderstandings#i just haven't been able to break out of the habit of feeling permanently embarrassed about every small mistake I've ever made#& old insecurities from my childhood are resurfacing#like when i was a kid/teen and no one would ever tell me when i was breaking social cues but they'd make fun of me behind my back#i have 3200 followers and most of my posts get 0 notes sometimes i get 1-5 so it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong#i end up deleting a lot of them...#almost every post of mine that's gone viral was just a screenshot or picture saved from somewhere else....#and the times that i have gotten attention over a post that stands up for people who aren't like me it makes me terrified#that i look like i'm trying to play a savior role or like i'm virtue signaling#i have a few good mutuals who i love so much and that's why I'm still here#it's also the only social media i use currently#but it does really hurt when i put a lot of thought into something like spending hours making a funny meme or a thoughtful post#just to find out that the only people who find them interesting is my extremely small circle on here if anyone at all#it's so dumb i shouldn't be feeling like this over fucking numbers....it's not even real#i find a little bit of (petty) solace in the fact that there are people on here who are loudly and repeatedly saying way more embarrassing#shit than I've ever said#but even then when i know someone is absolutely wrong it makes me feel nervous like what if im the next person to fuck up that bad#and i find out through public ridicule#well that actually kinda did happen on here once but not on that scale#last year i sent someone something i thought was funny and they sent back an 'ok'#and then immediately made a huge long post about how you shouldn't talk to strangers like you're already friends#called it parasocial behavior...got tens of thousands of notes and i knew it was about me...#i wholeheartedly agree some people go too far with parasocial behavior but i never fully understood what part of what i said/did was wrong#and i went back to feeling like the kid who never found out they were doing something wrong until they heard that they got made fun of#i don't even attempt to make new friends on my own on here anymore because i'm terrified of that happening again#almost all of the people I've become friends with on here came to me first and i love and appreciate them for that#but even then i feel too nervous to socialize that often bc i never find out/realize that i fuck up until later on
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I've been trying to figure out a dynamic between neve and rye that I find more compelling, because right now there's not much of anything there for me to sink my little teeth into. but I think I've landed on something delicious with the idea that especially after minrathous gets fucked, rye looks at neve and sees myrna -- someone he feels he keeps letting down horribly no matter how hard he tries not to and can't quite achieve the approval of/connection with that he wishes so it's better to just pull away completely and disengage rather than stay in that unshifting shame. neve is (very understandably) measured and distant with him after what happened, and he's flashing back to his student days of myrna gazing at the perpetually hungover heartbroken heap of a person of him on the other side of her desk every time he missed the deadline of a paper or project like '...can we at least both agree that this is. a bit disappointing. especially considering your potential.' (and him all smudged black eyeshadow and numb ruefulness being like 'sure that's a very kind way to put it myrna thank you'.)
aside from the 'if I let him get too deeply into this he'll go the way of brom and it'll be all my fault (again)' element, neve thinks rye is dismissing her and her city/being a bit callous in the same way he was after varric's death (listen. how fucking wild must rook's reaction to losing a beloved mentor seem to the rest of the crew who aren't seeing the blood magic paper doll ghost varric the whole time, especially those who got to see them interact. you WOULD think 'there's something wrong with this guy. putting the job first is one thing just not seeming to react at all is another this is fucking freaky', wouldn't you, especially after seeing the warmth in that dynamic in action beforehand.) perfect storm of two people who grit their teeth and turn inwards in pain deciding that not talking about it is their best bet (NEWSFLASH: IT ISN'T) lmao
(rye spent his last year of watcher training on a mostly joyless bender and then got it together enough to finish the eternal orb project last moment in a fevered near-sleepless week instead of the half a year that was intended. emmrich is both astounded and distressed to hear this. "a week? but -- but that is an astounding accomplishment rook!! and also why in the maker's good light would you ever do that to yourself?" ("well you see there was no one to stop me from doing it like that but me. and under those conditions these things tend to happen".) rye was working through/looking up stuff around transitioning and doing every kind of OTHER high level watcher research through that whole time, but ultimately he's an excellent watcher and a terrible student, at least under traditional methods. adhd from here to the fucking moon. touched by something akin to divine inspiration in moments of high tension that pulls all the threads into one coherent unbreakable cord, a bit of a frayed mess in most other settings. in our world he'd be dropping out of a masters program at the very last hurdle in this moment maker bless and protect him)
#myrna is actually really proud of him for pushing through and becoming a very fine member of the mourn watch#(and a good man)#but she is also. well. myrna. so she has never expressed as much to him. (she thought it went without saying. it did not!)#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#neve gallus#considering how satisfying the Arc with davrin has been I hope this can liven up neve and rye's interactions for me!#also very interesting and fitting b/c davrin will come for you where you live and go 'and hey btw ANOTHER THING --' no bullshit#which rye finds SO annoying but is probably why their relationship has grown so deep so quickly b/c davrin won't let him avoid him#while neve is ironically a lot more like him and it means they have a much harder time reaching each other b/c they're both so watchful#and guarded. they vibed so hard in the beginning it was all neve approves all the times b/c they have similar instincts. and now look at us#we live in the same house and politely pretend the other one doesn't exist. we're making ghosts out of each other!!!#explaining why he's semi-avoiding her. he thinks he's being thoughtful in giving her her space but uh. well.#perhaps more flight behaviour in that than he's willing to gaze at directly haha#rye looks at lucanis claiming he's a mess and goes 'oh buddy you should've seen me the first day in a year I was fully sober#and working on that fucking orb with head pounding and eyeliner running. even like this you're one of the tidiest#and most disciplined people I've ever met. you're literally fine.'#the reason the romance is so slow is not even mostly on lucanis I think rye is the slower to truly open up one in that dynamic lol#hey. I love rook. I love him so much. my trying his best underachieving babyboy who killed god when he got it together#I suspect this is going to be a situation where I've planned multiple other playthroughs#that will inevitably be hampered by '...but where is rye tho. I wish rye was here. does anyone else miss rye' lmao#for reference I've finished DA:O at least 4 times. and all four of them was sophia amell doing exactly the same things. I have a Pattern lo#a pattern I have only really broken in da:i where I have three inquisitors I care about sort of equally (adaar is my fave#but I have fondness for them all)#hawke I basically play as always the same person just AUs of him haha. what if he was a mage instead and it was somehow even sadder#that sort of thing
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Noooo…… first it’s Yuuta and Shoko, now they’re yo-yoing back around to Megumi.
#no they’re bashing megumi even more than ever now…. sometimes some characters aren’t built for all of THIS AND ITS OKAY#he’s forever traumatized bro he just lost his sister in front of his eyes and his body was the one that killed her#same situation with Gojo who took care of his sister and he from when they was toddlers and up#megumi doesn’t want to live anymore and yuuji has already tried getting through to him he’s completely broken and even if he’s saved megumi#might not ever be the same#I feel like fans keep on forgetting that these are kids going through all of this stuff that even some of the hardest adults wouldn’t be#able to handle#they bash him but a lot of these same ppl forget what happened to getou and love him unconditionally#they’d say “’well other characters have lost a lot as well and they’re still trying!’ and I just have to#restate that again; simply not every character is built like some hard boiled shounen badass jjk is not the usual shounen that a lot of#fans still refuse to see tbh like it’s kind of built different 🗿#it’s core genres are literally horror/psychological horror like no one if gonna be bouncing back like Naruto bro#and in Naruto’s case he never got to see anyone precious to him die in front of him#who knows what Naruto would’ve went through if sasuke was killed in front of him#but then again#Naruto was already a crazy ass#he vowed to kill sasuke and die with him so nvm#but megumi ISNT crazy like that that’s the difference ajsjsjsj#he’s always been one of the more rational characters amongst his peers#he’s so normal!!! everyone else is fucked up or got larger personalities than he does#maybe ppl are pissed off at the fact that megumi simply isn’t fighting back… it’s frustrating but he’s in pain bro#I don’t see him making it out alive at all either if I’m being real#Yuuji might be one of the only characters to survive at this rate I doubt Yuuta is even going to pull through after the techniques 5 min#are up either…#rambling#the point it…… as sad as it may sound all of the characters fighting so hard now are doing so because they simply have to#Sukuna is literally a calamity and these are the only characters left who will even stand any chance against such a great entity#they don’t have much of a choice man#Gojo tried to prepare his students for the future so that they’ll be strong enough to fight back anything together. not alone#Everyone is doing what they can now
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My coworker trying to set me up with any man that comes in is absolutely hilarious.
Was the technician cute? Yeah kinda. But he also turned out to have a wife and a 19 year old child so my initial “ah he’s a technician and therefore and expert and therefore probably way too old for me” was absolutely correct.
Also one of our coworkers but while he’s cute he smokes which is an instant dealbreaker. Like if I come in when he’s smoking I have to hold my breath through my mask it’s so fucking bad. (This goes for everyone that smokes outside the entry door but. Anyway)
#she’s. yeah. I’m not bringing up that I’m queer. she’d probably be ok bc she knows a coworker has a boyfriend but. I don’t want to.#shatters’ fragments#shatters’ nonexistent love life#and again. I’m not going to try to build a life with you if I don’t generally feel safe with you#and most people don’t wear masks anymore#so I’d never really feel safe with them#and this is kinda huge for like. boundaries I enforce and revelations#bc I’d rather be lonely than six feet under now#whereas before if you promised to say you love me I’d let you do anything to me#which. I know. is Bad#and it’s all still hypothetical bc I haven’t fucking dated anyone#and still flip flop on if I even want to (the yearning says yes. the mind says uh. no wtf not right now at the very least)#bc the physical touch I yearn for is. again. literally. a cuddly cat would be perfect fuck people I don’t need them.#and if it’s sex (which I am also unsure I want bc texturally it’s a nightmare for me) I have toys#like yeah maybe my bar is on the floor ‘wears a mask and is nice’#but also my willingness to use some Time that I could be doing literally anything else (art/friends/etc) to be now put aside for a romance??#UNSURE#sure it would be easier if someone else finds someone for me. but do I even want that?#(visions of being snug in the middle both being spooned and spooning another dance in my head.)#(but toss a heat bag over my waist and nestle myself between two giant stuffies and it’s close enough on my twin bed anyway)#hmm. could always say If You Want Any Chance At Grandkids You Have To Pay For My Therapy but. hmmm (I’m still owed therapy bc I said so)#(they took it as a joke when I said if they went with that option they’d owe me therapy for it though)#bc fuck bodily autonomy of children amiright 😭#I used to have crushes that I would TRY so hard for. but currently I just? don’t. well.#maybe that one couple that has come to both my workplaces as customers were nice THEYRE CUTE and they wear masks. for them I’d try probably#but there’s literally no reason to assume they’d ever want me. or that they’re polyamorous. or that they’re open. or anything.#but I very much enjoy seeing them around town every time I do :)#I always prefer to be enamoured with characters instead. it’s safe bc it’s not real. (I don’t want to examine that rn)#I’ll probably turn right around and change my mind and have a crush on my Sailing Guy again next time I see him but. alas. he’s wonderful#idk idk. I should. I should get up and have food
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something i always found very funny is the amy-would-absolutely-HATE-elise outrage when in the acutal game amy saves her, gives her romance advice, and the camera cuts away to both of them holding hands and giggling
#that bit when she was dashing around elise going 'A one-way love? That's so cute!' THEY WOULD BE BESTIES#why are we pitting two sweetie pies against each other#amy took one look at this repressed princess and went well is ANYONE gonna befriend her? no? leave it to me!!#and i don't think amy would mind that elise is in love with sonic at all#amy's always been empathetic and full of love - she WILL see its will done#(and‚ on a personal note‚ i like to think that amy's love of sonic is unpossessive. ya i'm aware of previous characterizations of amy#but i'm a big fan of amy realizing that someone else is in love w sonic and her first thought 'how dare they' or something like that#but 'oh‚ me too!'#bc that's just who he is. he's a very easy guy to love‚ and i don't think she could ever blame others from coming to that same conclusion)#anyways. can you tell i've been rewatching 06 clips#sth
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.
#holidays have not been what i hoped for so far 😔😔#well the first week was good but then i got sick 😭#and it's been so awful#having a cough is literally the worst i couldn't sleep it was so bad#and i couldn't even enjoy doing anything really because you can't properly focus on the thing bc ur coughing non stop#i hate it sm#and today it was gone all day only that now it is back altough not as bad as before but still#it always gets worse in the evening#like help i just want this to end#what made it even worse i had real plans to study and now i barely got anything done 😭😭#and now i'm scared for exams bc i couldn't follow the plan altough i still have more than 2 and 3 weeks left#in my mind i already think i'm gonna do badly bc i need to study more i'm afraid#and i'm also upset at myself even though it's not my fault i got sick but i keep thinking i still could have done more ughh#to make it even worse i coudn't play tennis for a whole week and i was so looking forward to playing everyday (and improving) 😢😢#i couldn't do any sports or see anyone i miss it sm#i hope at least in the new year i can do stuff again 🥺#it was just the worst cold/flu and idk why whenever i get it it's that extreme 😵💫#or idk is it normal that you can't sleep bc of it ... i just don't wanna get sick again ever lmao it's the worst#i guess christmas was still nice it wasn't that bad then and it was a lovely day with my family :)#and our tree was really pretty this year and i'm really happy with my gifts and also those i gifted 🥰#the week before was good i did play lots of tennis and i went on a christmas market with uni friend and to vienna for a trip with my mom ^^#but maybe it was too much sometimes i wonder if i do something wrong or if it is just bad luck like i did train a lot#and i played a tennis match for my club and won against a higher ranked opponent so yay 😁#and i played really well i feel like i once again really improved my level :)) but i did play kinda sick already so maybe that was rly bad😅#maybe i should stop doing that 😅 but i didn't know it's gonna get this bad i just had the worst headache and sore throat#well ig i should have known but i also always feel like i have to play and i love matches and like my team needs me?#who else would have won that? i'm one of the best at my team and the others who are rly good weren't there that day so i felt responsible 😅#honestly my mom possibly she is also quite good but it would have been close and i wasn't sure so i played 😅#but i have done this too often by now... playing sick i really can't help myself 🤦♀️
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god the internet is such a wild place. you have people realising truths about the world that others have known since time immemorial and acting like theyre the first person to have thought about it immediately followed by people being complete garbage trash under the guise, want, or desire of/to be morally righteous in every possible way! it's great!
#i went on twitter again#it was awful#i got mad at a vegan not understanding how consumption works#like no shit other animals have complex brains with thoughts and emotions#we've understood this as a species for like ever#well some of us have anyway#veganism as a form of moral righteousness is inherently flawed because it's built upon two things#1. putting others beneath you for an arbitrary reason#and 2. not understanding that consumption IS 'natural' and isnt 'bad' or 'pointless'#plants have complex thoughts and emotions too! should we stop eating them? No!#im all for veganism for the sake of saving the environment pr dietary restrictions or personal preference what have you#but GOD are morally righteous people the FUCKING WORST#just. fuckin. eat animals dude. it's fine. everything is meant to be consumed in like an eating way so just. consume. in like an eating way#also the whole thing about 'moral righteousness' is a topic i could complain about ad nauseum#you aren't better than anyone else in the world because of what you dont do. inaction is the same level as negative actions#i think thats in the bible somewhere#anyway that's all for my tag rambling
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#I don’t know if it’s because I went through a time in my youth where I very seriously followed people in the public eye in certain circles#*online I mean#(like somewhat well known in an extremely niche circle lmao)#and then eventually had professional dealings with them in a weird twist#to the point that i like… forgot about my youthful admiration/fixation (I don’t known if it’s as ever that bad lol) on them#but it’s part of why I’m very much like ‘celebs are just people they go home at the end of the day like anyone else’s’#and why we’re not entitled to their private lives#I don’t know the thing last night rankled me even though it’s not that big of a deal lol
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My current Clangen has had at least five murders (and I will not be surprised if we get more). Which is already wild, but then looking at the revelations I've gotten so far and then coming up for motivations is. Just. Wild
Clangen Murder Lore under the cut
I have one guy, Lupinerustle, who's done the majority of the murder (I think it's 2, maybe 3 other cats? Need to check my notes tho) He's charismatic, so finds it easy to laugh off and deflect any accusations (doesn't help that at least one of his "confessions"was a flashback/nightmare overheard by a kit who didn't understand it.) I don't have a motive yet, but at this point whenever there's a murder I'm like "ah, yeah, that was probably him".
One of them was not subtle at all, brought the guy into camp and damned him to the Dark Forest; he was an apprentice about to graduate so I imagine it was right around the assessment. Not entirely sure method or motive, but he ends up killing the apprentice (I think he name was Rapidpaw?). Debating on having Lupinerustle ambushing Rapidpaw, so he doesn't have a chance to fight back, or Rapidpaw fighting for his life.
Either way, the body is brought back to camp, Lupinerustle claims they were attacked and the apprentice ran, abandoning him and dying in the process. "In the end, he wasn't fit to be a warrior."
Second murderer is his mate, Frozenmane. She grew up as kind of the golden child; I imagine her and her sister Icystem having a relationship similar to Dovewing and Ivypool, where Frozenmane was able to get away with almost anything - sneaking out to the Twolegplace and eating their food, going missing for weeks on end, even returning with one of their collars - and still managed to graduate on time, yet Icystem was held back despite doing everything right. To add insult to injury, around the time Icystem graduated, the medicine cats received a prophecy. Frozenmane overheard it and thought it must be talking about her, and her sister wasn't exactly pleased when she went to tell her. "You couldn't even let me have this (my graduation/ceremony), without somehow making yourself special, could you?"
A few moons pass, and Icystem (along with a few other cats) are taken by two legs. Famine strikes, the old deputy dies and is replaced, and Frozenmane... Lives life as normal. She finds a mate, has kits (Icystem, ironically, returns the same moon her kits are born). Her mate dies, her kits grow, and she's just... A common warrior.
And it kills her inside. Wasn't she meant to be special? Hadn't Starclan chosen her? Wasn't she the favorite?
I'm not entirely sure her motive for killing this (seemingly random?) warrior, but I feel like it's related to that; her victim, Toadflood, was everything she wasn't: a relatively laid-back warrior who was just. Enjoying life. Didn't care about being special, or raising in ranks (I think they were actually from outside the Clan originally). They weren't holding themself to such a high standard, and Frozenmane hated it.
The murder just adds on to everything tho. There's that combination of horror and guilt, but also... Lupinerustle has killed at least one cat by now, and can recognize there's something off about her. TL;DR they bond over murder and become mates, honestly probably enabling each other? (Considering, y'know, Lupe is still murdering his Clanmates)
Frozenmane is eventually confronted by Falconheart, a younger warrior (and one of the deputy's current mates), who plans on sharing the revelation with the Clan (preferably after their mate becomes leader, as Antlerstar is on his last life, and Frozenmane is a well-trusted warrior; it's basically the equivalent of Firestar accusing Tigerclaw). Falconheart is hoping to find guilt, remorse, maybe to hear it was an accident, anything to keep from reporting this. Instead, Frozenmane simply replies "So? Plenty of cats - good cats - die or go missing all the time. Why does it matter now?"
After all, Frozenmane was chosen by Starclan, she can't be wrong. Her killing a Clanmate is 100% okay, at least, in her mind.
Final murder is Antlerstar, who's currently on his last life. He's old, and quite honestly seen a lot, being the Clan's first leader (and one of two founders remaining). He's actually lost all but one of his other lives to famine, so has no problem giving for his Clan; however, he's no pushover, having led his Clan to war as well.
He was once a wise and noble leader, but age, as well as the trials of leading a Clan, have made him more feeble and hesitant; he fears leading his Clan astray, causing more loss and pain. He's plagued by nightmares, mistakes and visions from his past. It's not uncommon for him to get lost in a memory, or awake from a nightmare unaware of when or where he is.
His murder of (*checks notes*) was accidental, having lost himself to one such memory. The realization of what he'd done haunts him, and he's mostly confined himself to his den, only being visited by his deputy, Cinderfeather, and his medicine cat, fellow founder and friend, Foxpath.
#clangen lore#clangen#riftclan#I'll figure out what's going on with Lupinerustle eventually#Lupinerustle and Frozenmane have the best/worst relationship ever#literally that one “you deserve each other” “keep everyone else out of your relationship” meme (or however it goes)#trying to give Antlerstar something like Bluestar/Goosefeather but idk how well that's coming across?#he went from wise to nervous and the murder was out of nowhere#so all i can imagine is “old man accidentally murders Clanmate in ptsd nightmare”#(saying this as someone with C-PTSD so I'm torn between liking it and not? don't wanna fall into that stereotype)#I'm sure I'm forgetting reveals#i KNOW Lupinerustle killed another guy but i have 0 motivation or story or ANYTHING for that gkdjd#may have to draw some of these guys at some point if anyone's interested
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