#(and today was very eventful as i celebrated my birthday with my gf and my parents)

[silhouettecrow]

365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 147

Adjective: Angry

Noun: Chrysalis

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Angry: feeling or showing strong annoyance, displeasure, or hostility, or full of anger; (of the sea or sky) stormy, turbulent, or threatening; (of a wound or sore) red and inflamed

Chrysalis: a quiescent insect pupa, especially of a butterfly or moth; the hard outer case enclosing a chrysalis; a transitional state

[elliothier]

A happy 26th birthday from the fun year of 2021, future me! It is nearly 1am as I write this, just at the start of my official birthday, unlike last year when it was midnight at the end of the day.

So, let’s start things off with how things have been going. Today we temporarily move out to get the renovations done in the house -- I hope this is the only time renovations will be a Bother, you can laugh bitterly if they continued past these 5 weeks, it’s okay -- so I anticipate not necessarily having enough time to write this out later. Or, y’know, my brain might just be entirely dead, because today has been quite eventful in its stead!

The day (yesterday, technically, the 24th) started off with the local grandparents vising for the bday, and you know how that is, she’s loud, which is perfectly fine, but hell on the waking eardrums. We had that 25-50-75 party on the 3rd this year if you remember that, but forgot to take a picture, so I brought that up and we did that. Gran fussed over not having lipstick on, mom cleaned hers off and offered it, and for the hell of it I joined in and for the picture all three of us were wearing the same lipstick. Very fun! Luke came by later as well to pick up his stuff, brought along a gf, which was lovely meeting her. I’d say we vibed.

And then, the main event. Well, first some gaming in between, A Dance of Fire and Ice, got 4 achievements today! Beat world 12, perfectly, then world 3 speed, and world 6 speed, which I barely completed in time for D&D. That’s right, just like last year, D&D plays a role, we were still on voice when the day rolled over and I couldn’t wish for a better start.

We were on a halloween one-shot (part 2), the Death House, where I got to play with Courage and made his instrument a kazoo. It was glorious. He was still possessed when we started, making him extra terrified and throw a minor tantrum when it became evident we had to go to the basement. Ace had to convince him to go down, scaring him with ghost stories of what could happen if he didn’t join them, which worked. Oh, how the table turns. Further in Ace first scares the crap out of Courage to pick the lock on the chest he was trying to open and steal the treasure from under his nose. Mini was nice, at least, but Courage really did not like Ace for that move. And then even further, in the very depths, the two of them get to the central platform when figures appear, chanting that “one must die”. Ace was the only one to realize what’s going on and immediately turned on Courage, trying to kill him and very nearly succeeding, living on 1 HP! Ka bit his ankles, but Mini tried to persuade the monster in the corner to devour Ace. It woke up. And Ace ran tf away, informing them that was the very reason he was trying to sacrifice Courage as it would devour them all. All make it out, barely, but phew! What a session! Including requested kazoo send-offs for the ghosts of the couple that owned the house.

Phew, that was a long story, but I had such a good time I had to remind you of it. I haven’t even shared it with Emily yet, but I will, probably after this. Today will probably suck, but the early celebration at least I would say has been a success. And no, there has been no new instrument this year (djembe last year, guitar the year before), but I did improve at guitar playing this year, so there’s that! I hope that by now the music room has been fully set up and has seen some use. I’d say plenty of use, but let’s be realistic here, yeah? A couple of sessions is already nice.

So how are you? Has the day been treating you well? Will the day be treating you well? What about the year? I had my correction shortly after last birthday, that’s recovered decently, I hope the scars have faded more since. Oh, and I started at the workplace that teaches coding a few weeks ago, been there 3 times now and do think I like it. Very curious to see how that will pan out in the long term. Came out as enby there too, reflexively, but hey they sure do try. Oh, did His Dark Materials season 3 come out yet? I’m looking forward to that, if it didn’t come out yet surely it will soon!

So anyway, after that exciting day, I hope you’ll have a similarly good experience either today or the day before or somewhere in the vicinity! And I hope you are very much starting to thrive, in whatever way that may be 💚

Now to write something for The Box, I sure hope I didn’t forget about that last year 😂

[shananigans402]

1-65 will do, please. Thanks fuck face :)

I knew exactly who this was and I was so tempted to not reply, but your punishment is having to read through all my answers and remember them forever or you fail the friend test. To everyone else, please do not click unless you want to be very bored, my answers are not interesting lol

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nope

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Assuming 5 is the most, 1. Maybe 2. 

3. The person you would never want to meet? The person who sent me this (jk I’m excited for our eventual meet up where we hit up a strip club first thing 🙏)

4. What is your favorite word? I answered with ‘conniption’ the other day and still have not found a word I like more.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Already answered this, fruit tree! I also like palm trees, maple trees, and willow trees. I know that’s not the question, I’m just saying random shit now.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? It took me a long while to remember where I was this morning. I honestly don’t remember, I was rushing to get ready for an early morning meeting.

7. What shirt are you wearing? My Orlando Strong shirt 

8. What do you label yourself as? Lesbian

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping? Possibly checking on a feverish little beeb who was going through it with her second dose of the vaccine.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? No idea. I like various ages for different reasons, but this age so far is not bad. 

12. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my sister 🤷‍♀️

13. Your worst enemy? The person who sent this ask.

14. What is your current desktop picture? The apple pic of Catalina island that changes based on time of day (yes it’s the default, don’t judge me)

15. Do you like someone? Lol yeah I hope so 😂

16. The last song you listened to? Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko 

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Definitely @raginage

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I feel like I can only attack Raginage so many times. Can I pick a fictional character? This week I was real mad at Dave in The Darkness. BaBe!​

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Lol no one, you’re talking to a person who feels very uncomfortable with anyone doing anything nice for them.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Not this again. Last time I said eyes? Still no pics, sorry

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? What would I look like? Do I get to design myself like a sim? I honestly don’t know what I’d do because I doubt the world needs another clueless white man walking around, so maybe just stay at home. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. And my last answer to this was awful. I do think I have a fantastic ability to annoy my friends but in a way that’s just amusing/endearing enough to make them still want to talk to me 😌

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Unique? Uhm well my two big fears are confined spaces and deep water so a submarine is like my worst nightmare.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh this is going to sound so odd. To be clear, I’ve had better sandwiches, but my go-to is provolone, turkey, roast beef, and spicy brown mustard or whole grain mustard. Please don’t judge me.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Travel budget for future trips to visit my buds and get into trouble and eat food. I know $100 won’t go far, but it’s something.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, after my last answer I want to visit my friends! But there are too many people to visit and I only have one ticket. So change of plans. I’m going on a solo trip to Greece. Or Argentina. Or Iceland. Or Bali. Damn, I’m indecisive. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Rabble red blend. Just a solid red wine. Also because @viola-lloyds stole my answer the other day (Juneshine; to be fair I asked her this question but whatever) and I don’t want to copy her.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Oh I answered this one, something about respecting others. Yeah, a nice rule like that. Want to establish some healthy communication on this island.

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s still fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? But what about my PLANTS. Can they count as loved ones? Probably my laptop, I know that’s lame but like...I have a lot of stuff on here. Or the collection of cards I have that my granddad drew little drawings in, I want to get them all framed.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? To be honest, I don’t know if I’d change big life events in case it altered the trajectory of where I ended up. So idk maybe the ending of Bly, let’s give those lesbians have a happy ending!

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Italy! But wait, let’s get back to this sleeping with celebrities and super-powers bit...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Oh that’s a really tough question. I always wanted to meet my great-grandma Olga because she seemed like a really awesome lady. 

34. What was your last dream about? I can’t remember, this is bothering me because I wish I could! I’m sorry. My gf recently had a dream where I kissed a dude right in front of her. It made us both very uncomfy lol

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you���d like here]? I hate this question because I can only think of one thing.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? For surgery, yeah

37. Have you ever built a snowman? But of course!

38. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing any? I was wearing blue ones earlier. Jfc my answers are so boring.

39. What type of music do you like? Lots! I tend to listen to indie, classic rock, and some pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or a variant (chocolate peanut butter, chocolate caramel)

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) LA Rams or Seattle Seahawks. I know they’re in the same division. It’s tough. (Please don’t ask me why these teams)

43. Do you have any scars? Yep, mostly from burning myself on ovens. I simply get too excited for my food.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I...have graduated? 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Well bestie recently said I have “lesbian hands” and I think that’s code for man hands so maybe that hahaha

46. Are you reliable? I try to be!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? How many more times will I watch The Darkness before I learn my lesson? (Related: When does other bestie finally admit to her fetish?)

48. Do you hold grudges? Not typically, no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dog and an otter? Can we domesticate otters? No, a horse and a large bird, create a pegasus and then free travel.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh god. I don’t even know where to start today tbh. Damie and pokemon and cosycon and looming and feet and [redacted] and developing apps for VP. So many fantastic conversations. 

In real life, probably the time I was at a laundromat in Italy and this guy wandered in with a beer, sat next to me and my male roommate, assumed we were a couple, and proceeded to give us bizarre life advice. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was so odd.

51. Are you a good liar? Hmm I’m okay at it I think, that is, I can convince people I’m serious when I’m actually joking. But I don’t like actually lying if it’s not just teasing someone. 

52. How long could you go without talking? Probably a few days if I had to.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? The haircut I got before studying abroad! It was too short and I was so sad.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? For a birthday? No. For fun? Absolutely.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Not well, no

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and/or honey and/or jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? My beautiful depiction of a scene of chapter one of Private Dancer. 

58. What would be you dream car? An electric car of some sort. I don’t know enough about cars tbh

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope but sometimes I’ll play music and dance and maybe softly sing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yep! Definitely 

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Almost never unless someone sends it to me.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Already answered, A

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs! 🦕

64. What do you think about babies? What do I think about them? They’re pretty cool. Just tiny little humans. 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I was very nice and let you correct your mistake and submit one after the fact:

In your opinion what is the best thing you can cook, like your speciality? My favorite thing to make is pasta, I started making my own sauce and I’d love to make pasta from scratch sometime.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #320

we on a spree today!

Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? Give me the happiness, please. What happened the last time you cried? I was having a PTSD episode. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something? I think the most nervous I've ever been was in elementary school when I won the D.A.R.E. essay contest and had to read my paper in front of the whole 4th and 5th grade in the gym. There may be something else, though, there's just a LOT of instances where I've been an anxious mess. What was the greatest television show of all time? Meerkat Manor, man. I canNOT wait for it to resume, I believe this summer. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it? Maybe petting a meerkat, particularly a descendant of a Meerkat Manor character, Flower Whiskers in specific. I would cry, and that is a promise. I am just... so thankful for those little creatures. Because of them, I've met so many irreplacable friends and developed a hobby that was a way to dump my creativity into since I was what, 10 years old? What celebrity would you trade lives with? BITCH let me be Amy Nelson (Mark's gf) for OBVIOUS REASONS. Haha on a serious note though she is an INCREDIBLE person that I'm so glad Mark found. :'''') What story do your friends still give you crap about? Nothing, really. What is your weirdest dealbreaker? I'unno... define a "weird" dealbreaker. I find mine to be pretty reasonable. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day? Well, look at myself in a mirror? See how I look. What is the weirdest quirk your family has? We have this thing where we say "I love you mostest period" at random to imply we love the other person more than they could love us, indisputably. How old is the last person you kissed on the cheek or lips? On the cheek, it was either my niece or nephew, who are 4 and 6. The person I last kissed on the lips is 22. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Not anymore, no. I don't wear jeans. Do you think you could live with your best friend? I would fuckin LOVE to. Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around? I'm most comfortable with myself around Sara. What were you doing when you found out Michael Jackson was dead? I was swimming in the pool while Dad was grilling lunch. The last person you kissed, was it a drunken or sober? Sober. Have you ever introduced yourself with a name other than your own? Online, I've introduced myself with my account name, but generally, I say I'm Brittany. Are any of your siblings married? I don't know about the half-sister I don't know, but two are married, and one is engaged. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Not usually, no. When was the last time you had a lot of fun? A lot of fun? That's one damn good question. Probably not since I last hung out with Sara. The last time you cried, who was there to comfort you? I was alone. What was your most recent reason for smiling / laughing? I chuckled at something in a John Wolfe video. Are you attracted to the last person you talked to? Um, that would be my mother. So no. Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you? It's pretty, but I hate having it. It's one of the most common white chick middle names ever. Are your toenails painted? No; I don't paint my nails. When was the last time you couldn't stop laughing? Why? Probably a funny YT video, I dunno. Any ways in which you're very different from the person you love/like? We have some differing political views. Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? The timing felt right and I love(d) her. Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Yeah. Who was the last person’s voice you heard? Besides via YouTube, my mom's. Who do you get along with best in your family? Mom. Have you ever been kissed in a car? Yeah. Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? Oh, absolutely my mother. Has your phone ever gone off in the middle of a class at school? Oh god no, I'd die. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. It adds oil to your hair, and mine is naturally oily enough. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? DARK. Do you have an item of clothing that reminds you of someone? Tell me about it, and the person it reminds you of. I have a good handful of those. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I just listen, usually. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Does more than one person like you? *shrug* You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? I fucking hate that my answer is "Jason." If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long? As far as I'm concerned, my hair will never be long again. I love it so much more short. What if you were told that your life has to stay exactly as it is right now, and nothing will ever change? How would you feel about that? I'd... honestly probably kill myself. I don't know that with certainty, but yeah. I'd be pretty damn devastated. What’s the most expensive thing you own? Probably my snake. Name something you really can’t wait for? MAY!!!!!!! GIMME MY TATTOOOOOOOO!!!!! What do you want in your future? E.g marraige, kids… A great career, a healthy and permanent relationship, lots of pets, adventure, life satisfaction... Got any major celeb crushes? m a r k e d w a r d f i s c h b a c h Do you have any glow-in-the-dark items in your room? If so what? No. Have you ever stalked anybody? Yeesh, no. If you could be on any TV show, which would it be and why? I'll just hypothetically say I WANTED to be on television for this, because irl, I don't. Ummm. I guess That '70s Show, because I love the '70s, and it'd be so cool to have a big group of friends like that. What is your favorite brand of hairspray? I don't use hairspray. What is the last thing you tripped over? Our doorstep, lmao. Do you were glasses or contacts? If so what color are your frames/contacts? I wear black-rimmed glasses. Do you like stickers? If so what kinds do you like? Yeah. I used to collect them as a kid and put them all over my dresser. Do you like coloring? Yes. What is in your backyard? Some bushes and a shed. Maybe a tree. I've been out there like, once. Do you own a globe? No. What is your favorite wild cat? Snow leopards are the prettiest, imo. As animals in general, I find lions the most interesting. How many continents have you been to, and which ones? I've never left North America. How many continents has your best friend been to, and which ones? She hasn't, either. How many continents has your dad been to, and which ones? Same as above. Have you ever been so terrified that you felt paralyzed? Yep. What’s a place you have a strong emotional connection to? The community college I first went to. Particularly where Jason and I took his senior prom pictures. Who was the last relative you visited? Grammy, before she passed away. My uncle was with her, too. Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Oh, certainly. I wonder all the time what would have happened if Jason didn't leave. I could still be horribly depressed, or dead, considering ultimately, the event led to me finding the help I so desperately needed. Or maybe I'd be perfectly happy with kids and know how to be an actual adult. I was only a teenager, and yet with him, I never felt more mature and just... capable. When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? Yes. Have you ever bought something really expensive and ended up returning it? I don't believe so. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Amy Lee is the brazenly obvious answer. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, rock, indie. Same general category, I know, but it's almost all I listen to. Is there anything you’d like to say to your last ex? We're best friends, and I talk to her regularly, so I can tell her anything. Where did you buy your dishes from? No clue. We've had the same plates and bowls I think my entire life. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? No. Have you ever been on a ship? Boats, yeah. I think ships are just the really big ones, right? Sails and all? Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David Lee Roth. He's an arrogant bastard, but boy can he sing. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? I don't know. Maybe the Joker. Do you watch The Office? Gossip Girl? Grey’s Anatomy? None of 'em. Name someone you know with a birthday in December: Sara! What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. What is your dad’s name? Kenneth, but he's just called "Ken." When was the last time you slept in a bed with someone else? Not since I last visited Sara. Do you have any indoor pets? Both my pets are indoors. How do you feel about teenagers claiming to be in love? It's entirely possible. I was; nobody could EVER convince me I wasn't. Are you dating anyone? If so, for how long? No. Do you know anyone with Down's Syndrome? I think so? What animal that is endangered is your favorite? Oh yikes, I don't know. I don't really know every endangered animal, y'know, and I love all animals SO much. Maybe elephants or tigers. How do you believe the Earth and life on it was created? I feel like there was SOME sort of ultimate intelligence that created the universe, but I don't know anything about it/him/her/whatever. Then I believe in evolution. Basically, some sort of conscious creation, and then let life do its thing. What’s your religion? I don't have one. You could say theism, but is that even a proper religion? Do you like your teeth? No. During my worst depression, I was very bad at taking care of them, and now they have a yellowish tint. Have you considered getting contacts that change your eyecolor? What color? Oh yes, I've wanted to have more sapphire blue eyes. Do you wish you lived somewhere else? Yes. Living in the suburbs just isn't my jam, but it works for right now. What’s the craziest color you’ve seen on a house? I think I've seen a pink house before? Don’t you hate the texture of lotion on your skin? Yes. What’s the prettiest cat you have seen? There's this brown British Longhair with beautiful green eyes that I adore on social media. Name's Smoothie. What is your favorite doughnut? Chocolate frosted or glazed. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? No. What is your favorite party game? Man, I don't even know popular party games, haha. Do you or your parents rake your yard? Neither of us do. No matter where we've lived, ever since Dad left, no one rakes. Do you buy drugstore make-up or high-end make-up? We always buy drugstore makeup. What’s the last good love story you read? I don't think I've read a love story since The Notebook. Do you own a lava lamp or disco ball? No, but I wish I had a lava lamp. When was the last time you went to the roller rink? It's been many years. Do you own a kaleidoscope? No. I did as a kid, though. Have you ever made an inspiration board for your room? No, but I absolutely plan to once I get a big enough board to hang on the wall, and my "office" is cleaned out. I want that room to be full of motivation. Who is the best-looking male celebrity? Take a wild guess. Where would you like to travel to next? Yellowstone. I want to spread Teddy's ashes there in an area with wolves to rest in his roots. Less importantly, I want to take looooooaaaaaaaddddddsssss of photographs. Where are three places you go to relax? Just my room, really. If you became famous, would you change your name to something exotic? No. What color is your favorite pair of shorts? I don't wear shorts, ever. List five items on your current wardrobe wish list. I've wanted a black, studded leather jacket since I was in high school. I also really want big, spiked leather boots, too. Then there's tons of band tees I want. Who makes great song covers on YouTube? JONATHAN YOUNG!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!! LISTEN TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!! Who is one of the best songwriters? Otep Shamaya. Painting or drawing? I strongly prefer drawing. Painting that shows brushstrokes or painting that looks like a photograph? The latter. The former can be quite stylistic, though. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair, but if you mean my actual body, my chest. Brown or white egg? I don't even know the flavor difference. Favorite time of year? October-December. Do you own a gun? I legally can't due to a suicidal history. Have you ever been in a castle? Excluding the Disney World castle, no. Are you a clingy person when it comes to relationships? I honestly am. Have you ever been bitten so hard that there teeth marks were there after? I mean, I've had hickeys before. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do? Call the cops and stay with it until they arrived. What is the most personal question you have ever been asked? I'd rather not repeat it. When was the last time you wished time would move faster? Literally every waking moment of my life. It's so sad, thinking about it. I'm just rushing my life away. Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Do you enjoy hearing birds chirp? I do. Have you ever hiked a mountain? No. Where did you meet your first crush? School. Who is your favorite little girl? My sweetheart niece. What is your favorite song by the last band you listened to? Oh boy, don't make me pick. Does your best friend have kids? No; she doesn't want any, either. Where did you go the last time you drove for longer than an hour? The beach, I think. If you were pregnant, would you want a boy or a girl? Hypothetically, a girl. How often do you get fountain drinks from a gas station? Rarely, but every now and again. Who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? Mufasa. What junk food can you never pass up? Donuts came to mind first. But I think that's because I'm craving donuts, haha. Have you ever had a UTI? Yeah, multiple. I don't drink nearly enough water. I've had one so bad my kidneys hurt like a bitch. What's the last color you dyed your hair? Red.

[szopenhauer]

If money was no object, would you change your wardrobe? I would add to my wardrobe more than change

How do you/did you get to school? walk, then by bus

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep

Is the idea of having a secret admirer creepy or romantic? creepy

What was the last song you sung out loud? https://youtu.be/wycjnCCgUes

Were you excited to learn to drive, or scared? worried that I’ll waste my money

When was the last time you felt incredibly tired? today

In your opinion, who doesn’t deserve to be famous? many people

Was it hard for you to get up this morning? not really

When was the last time you colored with crayons or colored pencils? few months ago

Do you feel comfortable talking about your disorders, if you have them? depends

Where did you go on your last field trip? not sure which was last

Do you think you make a good first impression? no

Do other people’s first impressions stick with you? might

Have you ever had to give up on someone? sure

Would you rather break up with someone, or them break up with you? them break up with me (not my decision) but usually it’s the other way around

Do you think it’s okay to like a cover more than an original? umm...

Are you calm in emergency situations? depends

Who are you most attached to? my dad

What do you depend on other people for? money mostly :(

What goes through your mind when someone breaks up with you? depends

Do you match your shoes with your outfit? sometimes, it’s not that I have enough shoes to do that lol

Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? female 

What was the last thing you bragged about? not sure what was last

What’s the ugliest thing on your wall? umm...

Who’s your favorite philosopher? Schopenhauer because of all the memes

Do you think Freud was out of his mind? well I prefer Jung

Einstein? he was cool

Who’s your favorite painter/artist? I like many 

What day is it? Friday

Are you wearing anything blue?  nah

Do you know anyone named Graham? just bread :P

Are you sitting next to anyone? not currently

Do you dislike the last person you Facebook messaged? nope

Who’s the quietest of all your friends? K. always was 

Are you home alone right now? If so, where are the people you live with? my mom’s home, my dad is at work

Are you a chocoholic? noooo

Is there a song that reminds you of the person you love/like? Do you listen to that song often? one of them is t.a.t.u. - All the things she said

Do you listen to music while you fill out surveys? sometimes

In the past week, what song have you listened to the most often? not sure

While playing video games, do you prefer being first or second player? second 

How many people do you depend on? not many

How many people do you think depend on you? they could live without me

What is the worst color combination? brown and black?

Have you ever injured yourself walking around in the dark? yeah

What’s so scary about clowns, anyway? nothing to me and it’s annoying that they’re part of so many horrors

When was the last time you acted like someone you’re not? sigh...

How many hats do you own/wear? shitload

Do you ever receive comments on your weight? ppl are jealous of my weight so basically my illness :(

Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? of course

What was the last thing that you wrote down [with a pen/pencil]? not sure what was last

Has anyone told you that you have a nice smile? my gf only

Are you uncomfortable with being photographed? yup

Do you like playing tic-tac-toe? I always win What about hangman? I played it couple of times Are you dangerously in love with someone? woah 

Are you cute or sexy? cute Is English your 1st language? it’s not Did you ever perform in front of your entire school? elementary - more than once Did your older sibling ever tell you freaky stories that you believed? one time she told me that school was flooded and there were fish and frogs and then I said that to my mom and she called me a liar and got mad even tho I explained to her it was my sister’s idea :(  Are you single and proud? you can be single and proud as well as be happy in a relationship too, I am in one now  Are you more happy when you’re with people or alone? 90% of time alone What do you think about guys shaving their legs? that’s their life Do you wear lipstick? nah Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced. I don’t wanna talk about it

What music album would be used for a movie about your life? soundtrack to my life would have to be a mix of songs from different bands/vocalists

Who was your first crush and what made them special? she was just adorable with her clumsiness and her perfect body and that face and voice and she was just a pretty cool friend to me and I wanted to take care of her so badly, she was the very first girl I ever had a crush on irl if not in general but she was hetero and she changed a lot (not in a good way in my opinion) Write about your first kiss. Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be? I... I never imagined my first kiss before it happened?...

Write about something you now know that you wish you knew earlier in life. How could this knowledge have helped you? blergh

Name one thing you feel brings out the good in people. there’s no such thing, it’s all about the person  If you invented a device that could fix one problem you are facing right now, would you use it? What problem would you like to solve? absolutely, my health issues Name something you found; what was it and where did you find it? I’ve found shitload of stuff but one thing was the most odd and that’s a taxidermy ferret shawl someone left on a bus stop - at first we thought with dad it must be alive but we came closer and realized someone lost their piece of cloth and we took it  Describe the longest amount of time you have ever been away from home. almost a month, I was in hospital Name a celebrity or famous person you wish would take you out on a date. - Have you ever seen a ghost? it seems, it was not just white but a little bluish, no legs and weird face - shaped like in a clay, mostly transparent, slightly glowing, it was in open doors of my room, I woke up with a weird feeling that someone’s watching me and I got really scared so I hidden under a blanket and didn’t look there again until morning, I was trying to convince myself it’s just a shirt that was hanged in the hall but mom said there wasn’t anything like that there at night, now I wish I could see that again hoping I would try to do something more brave about it, I kinda worry I was rude towards them whoever it was 

*btw my grandma said that after death some chemicals leave the body and fly like a fog through the cemetery if casket and grave aren’t blocking it too much Describe your note-taking style and habits. everywhere and usually not in line, can be even upside down, just random, different size, clue words etc. Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? suffering to deserve heaven? Have you ever done something just to feel the danger, or to feel alive? I hurt myself today To see if I still feel I focus on the pain The only thing that's real What are all your thoughts on god? overthinking... What did you learn today?  for example - that explaining things to people make me realize more than just thinking about something What 5 traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time? ask them Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? poor tree :( In what ways have you traveled? car, bus, train, bike, even a little bit by ship What historical events happened the year you were born? nothing interesting

Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970’s or earlier? sure

What would you do if you saw a complete stranger dealing drugs in public? nothing If you don’t have to be up by a certain time, do you like to sleep in as late as possible? no longer than 11 am What are you wearing at the moment? Is it for any particular reason? pajama because it’s past midnight and I should be asleep but I have to finally finish this survey then dry my hair and drink some water first Are either one of your parents retired?  my mom is and my dad will be soon Do you buy a lot of DVD’s, or do you tend to just watch everything online for free? watch online, I have no money for buying movies that I’ll watch less than 3 times Does everyone in your household own their own computer? nope

Are you a good gift giver? I try my best and been told that I am despite not being rich 

Do you know what XOXO stands for? hugs and kisses

What’s the first person who comes to your mind when you hear the word blue? me

Have you seen any of the Harry Potter movies? first ones

Do you like your significate others siblings? I don’t know her brother

Have you ever recieved a singing birthday card? omg I loved those and I wish I got one :(

Do you remember who your kindergarten/pre-school teacher was? I liked her so much I’ve been sending her cards on holidays years after

Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? never

Do you own anything made of lace? hmm...

How many people do you share a name with? I don’t know anyone with my name

Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? if it’s not an apartment then of course it does, highest possible and thick as I don’t want to see or be seen by my neighbors

Do you own any yellow shoes? yep

Can you type fast? very

In school were you bullied? I was

Are you sarcastic? yeah

Do you read the newspaper? nah

If you died today where do you think you’d go? hell :(

Have you ever been to therapy? few times, didn’t help

Do you use online dating? did

Did you miss alot of school? I was sick often

What was the last thing you got falsely accused of? not sure what was last

What was the last thing you ordered online? shirt, I’m waiting for the package now

Have you ever been kicked out of a store? no :o

Do you feel like you accomplished anything today? hmm...

What is/was your favorite teen magazine? trzynastka or however this shit was called

Would other people describe you as creative? I guess

What color are your slippers? grey and white

Are you haunted by memories of stupid things you’ve said and done? constantly

Did you like high school or college better? didn’t go to college

Who was your favorite Olsen twin? I didn’t have a favorite 

Do you ever listen to Celtic music? used to, with John

Do you know a lot of rich and spoiled and selfish people? had classmates like this and neighbors too

Do you enjoy mornings? rarely, not really

Have you ever feared going to jail or thought about what it would be like? thought

Did you know that the zodiac signs (the regular ones) are Greek? ok

Have you ever learned about Greek mythology in school? didn’t like it

Do you stay up late? as you can see

what do you hear right now? nothing

what is one thing in your life you feel truly guilty for? personal

have you ever been slapped in the face? I’ve been slapped without any reason, I was bullied

how about punched? hit with a ball only and my head was hit with a bottle too once

have you ever come up with a memorable quote yourself? I’ve been quoted 

what do you think about masturbation? personal

What color did you first ever dye your hair?: either red or black

What’s the color of the bath towel you use most often?: green

Ever eaten a piece of dog or cat food out of curiosity?: ewww, nooo

Can you name one song by Prince?: Purple rain for example

Would you rather paint or make pottery?: paint

Are you currently taking this survey before or after 9pm?: after, I started over 5 hours ago...

Is the sun shining bright outside right now?: it’s the middle of the night!

Would you rather watch a horror movie or a romantic comedy?: romantic comedy ^^”

[livingwithlosingyou]

Living with Losing You - 10/1/2022

Happy Heavenly Birthday, James. 

Today was tough. I knew it would be, but knowing and mentally preparing doesn’t mean that it actually would have been any easier.

I woke up semi refreshed, I probably got about 5-6 hours of sleep. So, not so bad. I made a post to celebrate you. I chose the boomerang of you pretending to be a dinosaur when we went to dinosaur world as the first one. The second post I chose the “pick of the patch” photo that I had you take because I thought it would be cute. I also make sure to put it to Birthday Song (the “all I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe” song) since that was tour thing your did with all of your friends. I think you even sent it to my dad one year for his birthday. I loved your sense of humor. I had some mileage that I needed to make up for, so I decided to run this morning before the walk. It turned out the walk (which I will go into a little further later) was only about a mile long. I also realized that I hadn’t logged all of my September mileage, so once I did that I was at the 150 mile mark. Yay! I still need to add today’s mileage too. 

Anyway, I ran 2.5 miles this morning. I didn’t go very fast, but it’s honestly still hard for me to breathe. Adjusting to the time change and the climate change, I am trying to give myself some grace. Since the project is completed, I can talk about it now. I had two of James’s white coats from UCSD, and I put them into Shadow boxes and wrote cards for both of his parents. I brought the coats and put together the boxes here since it would have been too hard to travel with them. This morning I ran to Kroger and before I turned around form my run, I quickly went into the store and grabbed two cards. It was funny because I put them in a plastic bag (still free here in KY, by the way) and ran back home with them in my sweater. It was funny!

When I got home I quickly ran upstairs to put the cards away, then I stretched in the living room. It was too cold to stretch outside. I should mention that before I went on this run, I ate part of a GF poptart and a banana. The sugar was a bad idea, it made my body feel a bit tanked for the run. Anyway, Biggie has this thing where he wants to always be around you after you work out. It’s cute, but kind of gross too. The cat really likes sweat. Once I was done stretching, I ran upstairs to grab the shadow boxes that I had put together yesterday, and wrote my cards. I then started to get ready for the walk. I just realized that I only got a picture of the front of the shirt that I had made, but the back of the shirt said #jamesmadisonforever #iloveyouandstuff. Two things that we always said. 

It was weird putting that shirt on. It was hard for me to look at that picture on it, to be honest. I just miss you so much. You were my best friend. I finished getting ready, and then grabbed your mom’s shadow box with her card and brought it down to her. I could tell that it was an emotional moment, it’s just been so hard. There should have been more whitecoats. There should have been more time before we put this into a shadow box. You mattered. You should be here. 

I quickly helped her with one other thing, packed up my stuff, and then headed out to the venue where the suicide prevention walk was happening. I told your dad that I would stop by the house before the walk started, but I needed to check in. Plus, I was meeting aunt Gretchen and your grandma at the venue, so I wanted to touch base with them first. I got to the venue and immediately checked in. We raised over $14,000. INCREDIBLE. They were in awe at the check in, and so grateful for our team’s contribution to this event. This was the  first every event in Lexington, so maybe this will become our tradition to celebrate your birthday each year. I collected my shirt (and your mom’s), wrote a button with your name on it, signed the poster, and grabbed a necklace. They had color coordinated necklaces based on the loss. Mine was red since it was the loss of a partner. To quote Taylor Swift, “Loving him was Red”. 

After that I quickly ran to your dad’s house to drop off his shadow box  and card. I also realized I brought NO sweaters. Why did I not bring a simple sweatshirt. So, I wanted to go up to your room to grab a sweater and maybe a beanie, etc. I had your dad grab the hat, so it was already backed in his car when I got there. He ended up giving that to me at the event. Anyway, I gave your dad a big hug when I got there. I could feel the tears through my shirt. So heartbreaking. You were so loved, and still are. I quickly ran upstairs by myself (still tough) and walked in to still see the bullet hole in the wall. I turned, went into the closet, grabbed what I needed, and walked up to the spot where you took your life, and quickly prayed for your peace. 

I left and headed back to the venue to meet up with the group that was walking for team James “Jake” Nichols. There was a pretty good turnout, we had about 15 people show up to walk! I was bummed because I did not get to say goodbye to everyone. There were people from your dad’s office, old friends, etc. Even the guy that cleaned the carpet after your death was there. Lots of people came to show their support. Since we raised the most money, we were asked to be at the front of the group, holding the banner. It was a honor to be asked that (even though I did it begrudgingly, it was a windy day). I can only imagine the news footage (LOL). There was an article that was posted about the event, and there we are on the main picture. That was pretty cool. We did you proud today, I know it.

After this event, I was wiped. Emotionally and physically needed a break. I am still thrown off by the time change, and then I hadn't eaten really much of anything all day. I decided to go to that GF bakery to get a sandwich. I also ordered a non-baked pizza since we were planning pizza night this evening with some of your family. I headed back home (home is James’s mom’s house, as I reference home. I know I did earlier) and ate my sandwich and chips. 

I felt like I was holding my emotions back to be strong for everyone else, and to be strong at the walk itself. So, when I got home and started to go through the piñata T-rex filled with notes that I made for you for your birthday in rehab last year, I broke down. Seeing the things I wrote, and the knowing that we will never have that future breaks me heart. It’s so hard to think about. I know I still have so much a head of me, but it just sucks that you’re not by my side. I also brought the card that you sent with the flowers that you sent me on your birthday last year. I was interesting, because we both wrote each other basically the same note that day. The sentiment was that our favorite things about each other, was everything about each other. I took you at your best and your worst. I loved you so much. That card made me cry last year, it meant so much that you wanted tp put a smile on my face. You said that in the card too. That the thing you wanted in this life was to bring a smile to my face. So sweet. 

After a solid dry, I curled up into a ball on the bed and knocked out for about an hour. Unfortunately it was one of those naps where you wake up confused and groggy. I decided to shower since I was still gross from the walk, and thought it might help with the headache and the exhaustion. It did. I put on some comfy clothes then went back downstairs. I hung out for a little bit before I decided to make a run to the store. I wrote out a list of things I needed because my ADHD brain is easily distracted and forgetful. The funny thing is when I was at the store, that exact thing happened. I got easily distracted by this fancy goat cheese and completely forgot to grab one item. I remembered as I was checking out, but there was no universe that I was going to get out of line just for mushrooms. 

I drove back home and then talked with Beth until the rest of your family came over. She ordered pizzas, and I baked mine. I was super delicious. You aunt Stacy picked up an ice-cream for me (banana and chocolate, dairy free) and a turtle ice-cream pie for everyone else who can enjoy the glutens. We all chatted an talked. Had some good laughs. I was really wishing you were there. You were, just not physically. 

I got to talk to your cousin about her candle business, and her aspirations. She is also going to help me get some new running shoes (YAY!). So, that will be very helpful. Oh, and I also signed up for a 5k on the 15th of this month. I love that your aunt convinced me to do it. I am hoping to place well, and hope my lungs will let me actually semi-compete. Dom called us today, it was great to talk to him. Your friend from Med School, Lydia also sent a VERY sweet and kind card, along with super cute photos of you. My heart aches at the fact that you are purely a memory now. 

Overall, today was alright. I allowed myself the space to grieve, but also had a lot of gratitude for you and your life today. I know I need to get some sleep, but that nap really threw me off. Luckily last night I didn’t have any nightmares, and the door was cracked regularly. Still not exactly sure how that door would have been wide open like that. But I am sure it’s fine. 

Happy Heavenly Birthday, James Burton Nichols.  You were a gift to this earth the day you were born, and you touched so many lives. Matthew 6, 19-21 talks about storing your treasures in heaven. You, James, were one of my greatest treasures. I love you, endlessly. 

Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols

10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022

[jackymedan]

tagged by @serialexperimentslayne

1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better. (whoever wants to)

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo - I have at least one piercing (if regular earrings count.. I have 3 in each earlobe.. and I HAD a lippiercing but I had to take it out after 6 months)- I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces (had in my teens)

PERSONALITY - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it (idk maybe?) - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY - I can sing well - I can play an instrument (I could sort of play the keyboard but I haven’t in a long time) - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner (used to be at least..) - I can draw well - I have a good memory (for some things like random trivia) - I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute (I’m never underwater so idk but I can hold my breath for a minute above water) - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch (maybe, depends what counts as a ‘recipe’) - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority (I mean.. yeah kind of.. because they’re my special interest) - I do some form of martial arts

EXPERIENCES - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport (this is very team sport centric, there are no ‘winning points’ in athletics but I did win a few medals back in the day) - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting (I’ve watched an entire anime (loveless and also gravitation on another day.. I remember very little of both) in one sitting because it had only short episodes and 1 season and my gf at the time showed it to me) - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year (this is probably cheating but I literally go to the local ER every week because I work there on the sunday cleaning staff.. I also visit the dermatologist every few months though - as a patient) - I have beaten a video game in one day (possibly idk) - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts (musician, not band.. and I don’t listen to him much anymore but I was really into his music back then)

MY LIFE - I have one person that I consider to be my best friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month (been to her birthday? is it ‘hanging’ if there’s a room full of other people) - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush (does it count if they admitted theirs first? I’m a huge coward as for taking the first step) - I get crushes easily (I used to in my teens, I had multiple simultaneously.. but I don’t really get crushes on IRL people much anymore lately.. only friendship squishes.. on people I only know online..) - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year (once.. for like.. 2 years total I think. the one other time it lasted 6 months) - I have had feelings for a friend (both were friends first)

RANDOM - I have break-danced (I refuse to bold this but I was forced to take a break-dance course in high school once.. I don’t like dancing in general) - I know a person named Jamie (I think I had a classmate once but idk) - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I speak at least two languages - I have made a new friend in the past year (maybe idk, my sense of time it The Worst.. not IRL at least, maybe online.. but idk if that was in the past year or not)

[sereinxa]

Self-Recovery Progress: Day 4 + Birthday

Day 4 – is quite eventful and tiring. Had the day planned, as usual, and especially because it was my birthday. Nothing special though, but I had a movie date + coffee date with a close friend and her gf. It was fun. I’m not one who regularly watched movies in cinemas but this one’s different and it was cool. The movie was fun! The café was cool too! Garden themed! So IG-worthy but I suck at photography so.. u.u But anyway, I had fun especially since I’ve been celebrating my day with this friend for two consecutive years and it’s just so nice. And she’s one of those who’s been keeping me sane in the past days so I’m glad to have a hug from her.

Went home and did all the cooking single-handedly. We were incomplete, Dad’s in AU, Kuya and Atsie at work, so it’s just me, mom and the twins. It was tough, I was sooo damn tired that I wasn’t able to enjoy much of the food (though I am currently hungry now, and it’s not even 4 hours since we had dinner). But despite it I had fun mainly because I was on the phone with some of my longest friends while cooking. They kept me entertained (and distracted that I burned the garlic I was sautéing. XD) and I missed them. Had a video chat with dad, though I barely remember what was happening because my body and brain are sooo tired. Medyo tampo na he’s not with us but it’s okay. He has a gift daw (sister joked that it was a gown with a Kangaroo sleeve or something. That crazy girl XD)

Had plenty of greetings but there are those which touched me the most. Like Atsie who isn’t really vocal with her affections but tried her best to give me a sisterly greeting (but attached a super ugly photo of me. Like.. that’s so her!), Chean, who even consider me as her ‘all-time rode model’ I was like.. ???? Like.. our friendship started quite sour, mainly because of my communications issues and how I am closed off to people but she was able to break my walls and even up to this point I would still cringe and cry because of how dramatic we were, but she’s almost a younger sister I treasure a lot (even though I suck at being a friend, up until now). But this line got me. “Sobrang buti mong tao at alam yun ng mga taong nasa paligid mo. I have always been impressed by all you do and the care you show kahit na sobrang layo mo.” This made me cry because I certainly do not deserve this, especially coming from her. I suck as a friend. Sometimes, (most of the time, duh..) I just pass by her posts on the feeds when clearly there’s something going on. I only message her when I feel like she’s about to do something dumb or that she’s super down (I mean, this has been our issue parati. The lack of communication especially coming from me), so for her to say this to me??? I don’t deserve. But in a way I am grateful that she thinks of me that way and it makes me want to strive to be that person she deems me to be. So that’s a challenge. My best friend isn’t in the town until next week but she also sent a greeting that’s very simple but I know we’re both not too expressive with our affections towards each other too, and I am warmed and touched by her greeting. Another one made a smule cover (Winter child. Should’ve been Autumn child though XD) and it was so sweet. Another one wrote a poem and I’m just so overwhelmed and beyond words and sooo grateful for that.

 I guess my mind is too tired to think of my realizations this day, and all other realizations during my 27th year. I’ve got hardships at the latter part, and September hasn’t been too good to me most of the time, to think that it’s my birth month. Especially this year. I’ve come to a point when I literally don’t know what to do and that I am close to seeking special help. During the past weeks my mind is in a chaos, I’m so overwhelmed with everything, I break down so easily, little things make me cry and I am so fragile, like a wet paper that will tear when touched. But the thing about plunging deep is how you recover from the fall. How you pick yourself up. It’s not easy. I had told people other about recovering oneself but when you’re in that shoe, it isn’t easy. It’s hella difficult. But somehow I made it. Well, not yet really but I’m getting there. Each day is getting better, little by little. And I know one day I’ll learn a lot from the emotional slump that I’ve had/been having.

 Today is okay. Maybe beyond okay. And I’m happy.

Today I’m happy.

** additional  note. I saw my mom’s greeting. she said “don’t forget to pray” I should take this advice seriously. :(((

[writerinthedarkabyss]

do all the 100 qs you posted... please

Sure, why not?  

SO I’M TAGGING ALL OF YOU PEOPLE. IF I MISSED ANYONE, FEEL FREE TO DO IT ANYWAYS. @racheltuckerrr @mgsawyer @villainousunsub @catherinegrant @villainousunsub @uniquelykaydt @lost-your-memory

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

Not yet but I’m starting to become hopeful which is never a good thing. 

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgivethem?

Yes, it’s all water under the bridge now.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

My kittens

4: What’s something you really want right now?

A Kitkat

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

No, not really. I just never look forward to went it ultimately ends in heartbreak. 

6: Do you like the beach?

I love the beach but there are none where I live. At least not real beaches.

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Well yeah, I sometimes fall asleep during movie night with my parents

8: What’s the background on your cell?

A picture of my two best friends and I during New Years

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Mine, my mom’s, my best friend and my brother’s

10: Do you like your phone?

Yeah but I liked my last one better.

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

Not at all and I’m trying to not think about it.

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added toyour contacts?

Study buddy from my Spanish class.

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Rottweiler, no question.

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional pain. At least I know when physical pain will end and why it happened. Emotional pain is just too much for me. 

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Art muesum all the way. (I’m actually going to an exhibit next weekend with a good friend)

16: Are you tired?

WHEN AM I NOT TIRED

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

Since 7th grade (we were 12 years old)

18: Are they a relative?

Nope just a friend that I don’t really talk to anymore

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with anyof your exes?

Yes, but only one of them.

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared akiss with?

Right after our last kiss, four months ago.

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marrythem today?

No only because I think that marriage should be something celebrated and not rushed. 

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

NO NOPITY NOPE

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

None

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

“We are who we pretend to be. So we must be careful what we pretend to be.” - Kurt Vonnegut

25: What’s on your mind?

Homework, a Supercat story I need to finish and the fact that I might have just royally fucked up my life.

26: Do you have any tattoos?

Yes, I have one on my shoulder. I’m planning on getting another one with my best friends soon.

27: What is your favorite color?

Royal purple or royal blue.

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

First I have to get the nerve to ask him out on a date.

29: Who are you texting?

My best friend and my dad

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you everkissed them on a couch?

Yep, our first kiss was on his couch.

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going tohappen and you were right?

ALL OF THE FUCKING TIME.

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talkto?

I think so.

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

Romantic feelings nope, sexual/lusty feelings then yes.

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yeah, that’s the most common one.

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone rightin front of you?

GOOD. Maybe then he would finally move on.

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

Yep, same as every other year.

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

NO AND I WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH HIM. EVER.

38: What do your friends call you?

Cat, Catherine, Kitty, Freak

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Yeah, a couple of people have.

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

Yes. I can’t help the fact that I’m a very emotional person.

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

Uhm, which one? I have several. I’m such a klutz that I wake up with bruises. 

42: What is it from?

I think it’s the one on my hipbone and it’s from banging into the counter.

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere reallybad?

Last week, I really needed to get away from everyone and everything.

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

One of my best friends because it’s her birthday today.

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

No, not that I’m aware of/

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

I try to, my mother makes me take them off in the end.

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Nope. I enjoy my long hair too much to ever consider it.

48: Do you make supper for your family?

Sometimes, although I prefer making breakfast.

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

Yes? 

50: Top 3 web-pages?

AO3 Tumblr and Youtube (and 8tracks)

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Quite a few people actually

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

Well lets see. My knee is still sprained. My lungs still hurt and I think I have a cavity because I have a toothache. So yes.

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

If I’m pretty much forever parting ways with them then yeah. Otherwise not so much.

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Haha I hate this questionaire. It was wine a couple of hours ago.

55: How is your hair?

Always greasy and brittle. No I actually like it now.

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

Cry because I have to get up. No, I check my phone.

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

I’s like to think that’s a possibility. I really hope so.

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

I was like 9. So… yeah.

59: Green or purple grapes?

PURPLE!!!

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

Probs in a couple of days when I have dinner with a friend that I haven’t seen in so long.

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Yeah, somewhere warm like a tropical island.

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

Uhm, probably right after this questionnaire.

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Still her, in my bed. But sleeping.

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Still here in my bed. But actually sleeping.

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Unfortunately yes. Wow I really make bad relationship decisions. 

66: Is there one person in your life that can always makeyou smile?

Yeah, there’s a couple of people like that for me.

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

Nope

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed lastnight?

A thought that I can’t say for PG reasons.

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gottendisappointed in the end?

All the time.

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

Four

71: How many fingers do you have?

8 because your thumbs aren’t fingers. You sneaky little shit

72: What is your ringtone?

A Fall Out Boy song.

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

Just turning 19

74: Where is your Mum right now?

Downstairs in her bed, sleeping.

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in lovewith or almost in love?

Because we realized that we were better off as friends.

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past threedays?

No, I don’t think so.

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends withtwo years ago?

My best friends are still my best friends. So yeah.

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

OH MY GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS?? But yeah.

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

Yes, a few people actually.

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Yes.

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

Two? I think

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3days?

Yes

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

I’m still deciding if I should try to start talking to them again.

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of yourcar window, you’re with?

My two best friends who are even drunker than me because they’re such lightweights.

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

He was that’s the problem. Seriously though like why do I do this to myself?

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last timeyou went to see a movie?

It was just a great date with my boyfriend at the time.

87: Who was your last received call from?

My moma

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over acandle, would you?

NO!!

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Sleep, money, patience, book smarts. The list is eternal.

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

One of my many faults.

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

Only in the summer.

92: Do you get along with girls?

Yes??

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to knowthe truth?

Yep and it’s not going to be good when I tell her the truth

94: Does sex mean love?

No, not by a long shot.

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed,is that a problem?

YES! OH MY GOD. YES!!

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

Nope

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

Yes

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

A few things actually.

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yeah, I do.

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promised?

I can’t remember??

[videostatusking]

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[steamishot]

Mid-November

Wow. It’s been an eventful past two weeks. I feel like I’m still on vacation mode because it’s almost Thanksgiving and then winter break a few weeks after that. Work has been at a steady pace – I have things to do so it’s not totally boring, but it’s not very busy to the point of being stressed out.

The day before Halloween, I came to work half day and then bounced. 10 hour red eye flight to London later, I arrived at noon. I waited for Matt who arrived an hour later from NY. He had just got a haircut, and they didn’t do him good ($5 NY Chinatown haircut), so he wasn’t as attractive when I first met him. He also gained weight from residency and the stress aged him. On my flight, I also got a swollen eyelid. I remember feeling pretty sad on the flight because I didn’t wanna look dumb with a swollen eyelid in my Europe photos lol. I felt it when I woke up from a nap, and immediately asked a flight attendant for some ice. The swelling did go down, but it lasted for another 2 days.

London was pretty fun. I had the impression that the UK has the worst food in the world (lol) but I was pleasantly surprised by the food we had! It could be that we just chose good restaurants (on the fancier/more expensive side). We reached a level of comfort where we farted a lot throughout the trip and pooped freely in front of each other. I was also surprised that our digestive systems were keeping up with all the eating we were doing. Not once did I feel constipated, as I felt in Asia after overeating. We were pooping like 3-4x a day I think lol. Because of the cold, my face started peeling after a few days too.

Before arriving to London, a small concern I had was being an “outsider” because of my American accent, but I think because London is a big multicultural city, I didn’t feel like I was different. I heard plenty of other people with American and non-British accents. I really liked their transportation system, the tube. It was smaller than any other subway I’ve been on. Instead of buying a pass, we were able to use our contactless credit cards as a substitute. It cost about $9.50 for unlimited tube usage per day, which is a bargain imo, given how efficient their system is. I also loved their style – dark and grungy, just like their weather. Their milk tea was surprisingly delicious too.

Amsterdam – our hotel was really nice. Architecture is beautiful. I can understand how my cousins who visited from France seemed unimpressed by LA – our city is not very aesthetically pleasing architecture wise. I ate a space cake and at first thought it was a tourist trap because I didn’t feel anything. But after an hour and a half, it finally hit me. I had a nice high and was giggly/happy.

Matt and I came back to LA, and it was his first time back in LA after 5 months. We spent 6 nights together in Europe, 2 nights in our respective homes, and then 3 nights at his place, 1 night in our respective homes, and the last night at his place. I joked to myself that LDR is like periods of neglect, then periods of smothering. I did feel annoyed with him during some points of our time together and I wasn’t used to the amount of time we had together – I craved for alone time after our trip. I learned that it’s best to just voice it instead of bottling it in, but it’s sometimes hard to when he’s a tired resident and you feel a little sorry for them. It took him like a week and half to return to his old, happy and relaxed self. Traveling isn’t quite relaxing because we’re always on the go. When he got back to LA, he was still extremely tired, and had feet pain from months of being on his feet for long hours without appropriate shoes.

I had 3 meals with his family (his dad is still in China) by his mom’s invitation – Saturday dimsum, Sunday Japanese lunch to celebrate cousin’s birthday, and Tuesday hot pot dinner. His mom also bought me a blouse. It was a coral color and too girly/not my style, and it looked a little cheap lol. It was a nice gesture, but I ended up giving it back to her because it didn’t fit. Matt will be coming back to LA for an interview in Palm Desert in a few weeks, and she was already planning what to cook. Tuesday was their family’s first time going to eat hot pot ever. Their dad is not a fan, and the two boys and mom never really cared for it either. Matt only started eating hot pot (my fav) after I introduced him to it. It made me happy when his 15 year old brother said- I always thought hot pot was not good until today. The whole family (and grandma) all enjoyed the dinner, and the mom said she’ll make hot pot at home (first time) the next time matt’s in town. She extended the invitation to me. By the third meal, I felt more comfortable being around them. Their family is much more academically inclined. His mom and cousin were talking to me about Chinese proverbs and history.

I also met all his close friends on Saturday night. I was intimidated at first, but once I was in the space I was pretty comfortable and was able to talk to them easily (alcohol helped). Another friend brought his white girlfriend out, and it was everyone’s first time meeting her too. I looked through his group chat the next day, because I was curious if they said anything about me lol, and one guy said “Just wanted to say, your gf is very kind. Considerate. Same thing” which got lost in the chat because they’re not very responsive to people’s texts. The next morning I got breakfast with another one of his friends and someone from the night before.

With my past partners (D & J) where I’ve met family/friends, I was never too crazy about the idea. It could be that I’m more social now, an age thing, or that Matt’s friends and family are the type that I mesh well with – but I had a great time with them. They’re lowkey, smart, into yoga, and clean eating (and they’re older, so they’re over the partying phase). Definitely nicer than David’s ratchet friends. I’m thinking about what to gift Matt’s mom for treating me well when I see her next. Feels like I have a mother in law lol.

Another cute thing we did was a “family day”. Months ago, Matt talked about wanting to do a family day like all go to Disneyland together. His mom brought up Venice canals and we ended up going there – mom, grandma, brother, and two cousins after the cousin’s bday lunch. His family’s not really the type to go out and do things together as everyone’s quite busy and they don’t value family time/just hanging out very much. We got a really cute group photo and the mom was in our faces one time taking a photo of us lol. Matt ended up sending the group photo to his dad in China. After all this time with family and friends, I felt integrated. I have a better idea of what my sister in law feels when she hangs out with us. The dynamics do change.

Eating with their family, I thought “man, big and tall boys must be expensive to raise because they just eat so much”.  It was nice to see him interact with his mom and being excited over food. At the restaurant he would ask her “mom can we order this?” like a little boy would, and the two boys (even though both are ~6 ft tall) seemed like little innocent boys to me. The mom also commented that the brother’s new haircut is nice because it makes him look like a teenager. Instead of his past haircut that made him look in his 20s. I always thought the whole looking older than you are was more of an issue with teenage girls, so it was interesting hearing that about a boy. They also walk around in their underwear at home. His mom commented that he needs to watch his weight LOL and told me to help him because he doesn’t listen to her.

On veterans day, we had a relaxing day – pho for breakfast, walk at a park, couples massage (amazing massage for cheap, but uncomfortable at times because I had just eaten), hot yoga at a bougie studio that his friend goes to. By Tuesday night, he returned back to happy and relaxed Matt. He looked younger, happier, his eye bags were gone, he was more attractive also bc he got his hair fixed, and he was more present.

Matt’s mom dropped him off at union station the day he flew out, and she gave him a full frontal hug for the first time. I asked, what’d you do? And he said he gave her a full hug too. In the past, it was like no hug, then side hug. First time full frontal hug.

Now I’m barely settling in and getting into the swing of things. Have to clean up my room/house. Things to look forward to:

Girls night – DIY pizza

Hiking

Simple Plan concert

Thanksgiving/ Friendsgiving potluck

Black Friday shopping - clothes/mattress

Matt coming back for a weekend

NY/Washington DC, Philly

[lavieboheme930]

770-Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me

Where all have you been in this world?: Various states I’m gonna make you brefagust. (: Whataya want?: Huh Are there any words that you just cannot pronounce correctly?: Sure What’s in your copy and paste?: >> This survey. What’d you dream about last night?: Taron I know that much LOL

Do you know anyone that’s painfully, socially awkward?: I don’t think so Red or blonde hair?: >> I have no preference. What would you do if a gorilla ate your homework?: WTF How do you usually pose in your pictures?: Just stand normally and smile Are you clumsy?: Very Do you know anyone that absolutely freaks out if you try to take a picture of them?: Nope Do you pick on them for it and attempt to take loads of pictures anyway?: N/A Have you ever caught yourself dancing?: I dance all the time How’s your posture?: Pretty good from all my years of figure skating  Do you play an instrument?: Used to Have you ever had to take care of a fake baby in family ed?: Never took family ed ^ were you a good mother/father?: N/A What’s your favorite way to wear your hair up?: just down and straight Have you ever played tennis?: >> No. What’s the last thing you drew/wrote on yourself?: I don’t write on myself.  Peace or love?: both Who do you love?: My parents and besties Who do you NEED?: Well now that’s just for me to know LOL Who do you miss?: my bestie...MY BERNIE!!! Do any of your friends put ‘lol’ in almost every single text they send you?: No, that’s me that does it LOL What do you think of Sarah Palin?: UGH horrible person Have you ever read a ‘banned’ book?: No What does your screen name mean?: Tiny Dancer is my favorite Elton song and 9/30 is my birthday Would you like you, if you met you?: Yes What’s your first impression of yourself?: How would I know Where was the last place you went shopping?: Plum How often do you take naps?: All the time Have you ever had to take a sobriety test?: >> No. Do you like movies more if they’re based on actual events?: Depends What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done with your cell phone?: Nothing I can think of What’s your opinion on gold diggers? Selfish, or smart? Both?: selfish What would you do if your bf/gf was hitting on someone else right in front of you?: I’d be hurt What’s something you’ve done that you’ve sworn you’d never do?: No idea Which ex of yours do you talk to the most?: N/A If you were given a country to rule, which one would you want?: I don’t know Why?: N/A Do you know anyone who lives on an island?: I live in Manhattan and that’s an island so me lol Can you recall the first person you ever drank/got drunk/high with?: Never got drunk or high ^ are you still friends?: N/A What time of day are you typically the busiest?: Morning to early evening when working And what are you doing that keeps you thus?: working Did the word ‘thus’ confuse you, or is your IQ over 10?: I know what thus means Have you ever taken someone else’s vehicle without permission?: >> No. What were you doing the last time you were videotaped?: Saying hi to a friend who couldn’t come to an outing we had Is that something you’d be comfortable uploading and sharing?: Sure, but I don’t have it LOL Which friend wears the same size clothes as you do?: No idea Is there anyone’s wardrobe that you’d like to steal?: No What do you do when you can’t sleep?: Play candy crush lol How often do you tell lies, including little white lies?: I really don’t Any secrets you’d like to share with the class?: >> No. How many scoops of coffee do you use to make a pot?: I don’t make coffee I get it at cafes ^ is it flavored or plain?: always flavored Have you ever been lost in the woods?: >> No. What did you last stretch the truth about?: >> I don’t know. Have you ever had withdrawals from something?: >> No. Someone?: Well I mean after seeing Rocketman 15 times in the theater...it was a hard not seeing Taron on the big screen so much LOL Is there anyone on your friend’s list you know next to nothing about?: Sure How old is 'too old’ for you to date?: No such thing What’s something that really pisses you off?: stupid questions on surveys.  Oh and TOURISTS!!! What’s something that always makes you smile?: Elton, Taron, and Richard.  And my conversations about them with friends Have you ever taken your frustration out on the wrong person?: No How many nicknames can you think of for marijuana?: I don’t know What about the police?: I don’t know How do you feel about guys in tight jeans?: Love it  What about cardigans?: Love it!! Do you know any computer languages?: >> No. Do you know how to use roman numerals properly?: Not really Longest period of time you’ve ever been awake?: No idea Favorite hour-long show?: None Favorite half-hour show?: Friends Best looking person you know of the same sex?: No idea What’s worse; flat soda, or warm soda?: Both...I don’t like soda Most people who’ve slept over at your house all at once?: Just 1 when I had sleepovers as a kid Have you ever stapled yourself?: Probably Steak or chicken?: >> Chicken. What’s one thing you’ve learned from a good relationship gone bad?: N/A If you could pick to be any person in a movie, who would it be?: No idea Who would you like to spend the night with?: my celebrity crush for sure

What stripper name would you give yourself?: None Is flirting really cheating?: I think so What’s something you own that’s /only/ of sentimental value?: No idea What’s your choice of chips?: Just plain

What song would you use to torture someone?: None What is the weirdest compliment you have ever received?: No idea If someone REALLY fat was upset, and saying how FAT they were, what would you say?: I don’t know What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a kid say?: >> I don’t know. Has anyone licked you today?: >> No. Three things you can’t live without?: I don’t like making lists Three things you want to live without?: read above A random stranger walks up to you and says 'you’re hott’. You say: Fuck off...it’s what I do say when this happens

[courtneysflyingthoughts-blog]

It’s been weird.

CW: sexual assault

These last few days have been really weird. With all the celebrity stories coming out daily of sexual assault and harassment, victims are constantly reminded of their own experiences and traumas. I feel like it’s all I’ve really been able to think about at times. And the last few days have been really hard.

Monday was the anniversary - should I say anniversary? I feel like that word is too celebratory... it was the one year marker of the night I was sexually assaulted in France. Dates have always been something important to me. I remembered all my friends and classmates birthdays, I made up little anniversaries in my head (the day X first kissed me, the day I accomplished Y), and those dates stick with me. So when it’s a date marking a not-so-pleasant experience, I’m usually pretty thrown off my game. It weighs on me, it reminds me of what happened and how I felt. Whether it’s been one year or 10, I feel its presence.

So, on Monday I was already feeling pretty down. Reliving the events of that night, the aftermath, all of it. Then, I got an unpleasant message. A guy who I had met once through a friend, and with whom I had had two or three brief conversations via FB messenger (nothing deeper than “How’s your day?” and “How was work?”), decided it was okay to send me the ever-famous “boner in boxers” pic. I immediately told him that it was extremely inappropriate, and like the disgusting coward he is, he back pedalled. He said things like he didn’t mean to take it, he just snapped a quick pic not realizing what it was, blah blah fucking blah. I’ve heard it a million times. I know that it’s all bullshit. I blocked him.

I was so angry. I screenshotted our conversation and posted it on snapchat. One of my followers decided to make a “joke” and say something along the lines of “why are you upset? you love dick!” Um, excuse me? I had to explain the concept of consent to a grown ass adult man. Then he said that he didn’t realize that this person was someone from my real life, which implies that because I do sex work, my consent is irrelevant. He thought it was a client, or some random dude who had found my SW twitter account, which somehow “explains” the lewd behaviour, as if that’s what I should expect from men in my line of work. Whether or not this man found me via my SW or met me through a friend, my consent is still important and necessary.

So, I screenshotted that conversation and also put it on my snapchat, and then shared it with my boyfriend. He told me that I went off on the guy with little provocation, and that my NSFW snapchat account isn’t the place for me to voice my opinions since people have paid for it and want to see me be sexy, not to hear my rants. Apparently, being a porn consumer makes you exempt from the socio-political sphere of the world and also incapable of knowing what jokes are appropriate. Thanks, babe.

To say that Monday was a fucking shit day is an understatement. Four men had flexed their man muscles and made my existence feel unimportant, unappreciated, and unvalued.

Today, I skyped with one of my best friends, and he gave me a lot to think about. We talked about my Monday, and on the presence of the sexual assault and harassment claims in almost all forms of media (”They even talk about it on the podcast I listen to!”), and then shit got serious. He told me about a time in first year of uni when there was a lack of communication with his gf at the time and she was uncomfortable with what they had done. The thing is, although he seemed very upset with himself for the way things had happened, what he was most upset about is what people might think of him if the story got out and got twisted. He was worried people would label him a monster, shun him, that he’d be deemed unworthy of love, that his career would be over. From what he told me, they had discussed the incident many times and had reached an understanding in which neither party was to blame. He is literally only worried for the most selfish reasons. Him and that ex do not speak and did not part on good terms. He’s worried she might one day try to sabotage him. He’s worried about himself and his reputation. That’s it. I’m sorry, buddy, but you do not get my sympathy for that. You do not get to be the victim of something that hasn’t - and might never - happen. That is plain selfishness.

Anyways, like I said, the last few days have been really weird. Men seem to be constantly disappointing me in more serious ways than usual. It’s exhausting.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #189

“why are the children all marching into the desert to die?”

What does your trick-or-treat bag or pail look like? Pretty sure mine was usually just a plastic orange pumpkin. How old will you turn on your next birthday? 23, wow-ie. What are your plans to celebrate? Dinner with the fam, and I don't think I could possibly pass a birthday without getting a tattoo. :') Which X Factor audition(s) was/were your favorite? Don't watch it. Were you a straight A student in spelling and grammar? Yes. Were you a straight A student in math? No, I got Bs sometimes. Were you abused or do you know anyone who was abused? I know people who were. What is the name of your favorite coffee shop in your town? N/A What is fall weather usually like where you live? Usually warmish and breezy, but sometimes super cold. Do you think you have an accent? Very slightly. Do you use plastic, wooden, or wire hangers? Plastic. What is your favorite shade of yellow? Pastel. Are there any shades of blue that you don’t like? If so, which ones? No. Are you afraid of getting yelled at? YES YES YES YES I WILL CRY PLEASE DON'T Who has the best-decorated house in your town? *shrugs* What is your favorite part of Halloween? Dressing up. Is there a cemetery in your backyard? No. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? No. ;_; What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? If I actually wanted them, take them on a hay ride (spooky one if they're older and want to), decorate pumpkins together, obviously go trick-or-treating, let 'em play in leaf piles. Have you ever seen a fox? Yes. What color are the squirrels where you live? Brown. Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? Um no. What do the trees look like where you live? There's basically a shitload of pine trees, some dogwoods in spring (which fucking stink, btw), and then there's other trees idk the name of. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? YESSSSSSSSSSSS Do you find museums boring or interesting? Interesting! What was your school’s rival team’s mascot? Uhhhhh idr. What are three issues you are passionate about? Gay rights, gun control, and immigration. Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? I mean if I had to? What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? Klonopin, back when I had to take two a day. I was just barely able to function at all on three. Do you like bath bombs? Never used one, but sure. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Pussycat Dolls lmaoooooooo Do you like Disney movies? Only heathens don't. In what type of area was your first sexual encounter? A house. What do you occupy your time with on flights? Listen to my iPod. Do you ever realize how ridiculous you’re being yet continue on anyway? Sometimes in anxiety-type situations. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? No. Have you ever been punched? No. What do you usually order from Olive Garden?
 Spicy shrimp fritas oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaah How do you like your steak cooked?
 Medium well. How do you feel about bats? I'm love them. Is anyone in your family artistic? Me. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? No. Are you emo/gothic/punk? I AM the Thicc Goth GF in my head. I'm just too poor and lazy for the wardrobe. :^) Would you date someone 20 years older than you? Nooooooooooo that's way too big a difference for me. What is your father’s middle name? John. What was the last food you got a random craving for? Sour gummy worms lmao. What is something you enjoy doing, but aren’t good at? Singing, sometimes. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, peaches, corn, cucumbers, green beans, bananas... What is your favorite Studio Ghibli film? Don't think I've watched any. If your best friend was a fictional character, who would he/she be? Why? This requires too much thinking. What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? Ninja Sex Party's cover of "Africa" is on now. No. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? Chocolate. When was the last time you complimented a stranger? Idk. Do you know how to text without looking? Not well. What about typing without looking? Yup. Have you ever thrown rocks at a girl/guy’s window? No. When was the last time you bought a bathing suit? Like, a year back? Do you like eggnog? NOOOOOOOOOOO. How often do you see your mother? Every day. When was the last time your living room furniture was rearranged? Long time ago. When you were little, did you like watching Cartoon Network, Disney or Nickelodeon more? Disney. When is the last time that you experienced rejection–literal or imagined? By no means /serious/ rejection, but I suppose it fits the definition. Asked the tat/piercing parlor I go to about working there at the desk (the place isn't busy and I'm v comfortable there, so I think I easily could), but they let me know they currently didn't need anyone. When you are feeling down are you more likely to cheer yourself up by shopping, eating, or drinking? I've gotten loads better about it, but eating. Do you think there will be a time when our current age of rapid innovation comes to a standstill? What do you think is the limit of human technological advancement? No, honestly. It may stall, but I don't see it stopping any time soon. In hindsight, what was the most misguided/unhelpful assignment you had to do in school or college? Uhhhh idk. On any blogs or social media you may have, do you try to maintain a certain aesthetic or persona? Is this consistent across platforms or just specific to one? Not really. My less-appropriate sense of humor comes out more on Tumblr, and in some areas I type in all lowercase because I find it more aesthetically pleasing. Is there an artist or celebrity whom you admire for their craft but take issue with their personality or politics? Marilyn Manson, very easily. He's talented and unapologetically unique as all hell, but I do noooot like him as a person from what I know. What is the last party or event you were invited to but declined? Why? Are there certain events that you might be invited to which you are likely to decline? An old friend's Thanksgiving-ish friends party. I was tempted, but it was explicitly stated to BYOB and weed and I just didn't want to be in an environment where there was lots of drinking and smoking something that's still illegal in the state. I was already uncomfortable enough last time I went to a party at her house and there was so much smoking. You were also supposed to bring a piece of Thanksgiving food to contribute, but I can't cook and I didn't wanna bother Mom about it. For the last question, it's just about a "never" situation where I'm invited to a real event besides family birthday parties or meet-ups with Dad and his wife. Off the top of my head, I'd never go to a club if I was invited. Imagine your life three years from now as if things have gone perfectly, better than you would typically predict. What do you see? Living with a happy Sara in the mountains, very successful in photography and thus financially stable (or hopefully a bit beyond that), excelling in school, back to my healthy weight, my mental health is great and I'm on way fewer meds, Sara's able to breed snakes and write as a real career, COVER ME IN TATS BITCH, more piercings, a treatment/medication for hypotonia has been discovered, my niece and nephew have met Sara and been taught our relationship is not wrong (I doubt it though :x), I'm happy, it'd be nice to write with more people, I have at least one poem published, Teddy, Venus, Kaiju, Roman, Mitsu (now totally comfortable being held), and Sara's babies are still alive and kickin', Venus and Crowley have had a clutch, Sara's PMDD is under control, Dad's stopped smoking, Mom is in a healthy, fulfilling relationship, both Mom and Sara are at the weights they aim for, Nicole is with a guy she truly loves and he reciprocates properly, Mom has been treated for depression and has forgiven Dad... Man, lots of things. This question really made me look forward to creating this future. What about your personality makes you good at your job? Alternatively, why do you find yourself uniquely suited for or drawn to your ideal career path? No job, so I'll just respond to the second. Photography is pretty surprising as it requires serious communication, which y'all know isn't my forte in the least. However, I'm so passionate about it and feel knowledgeable enough on it to be confident. Plus I just love showing how beautiful the world is capable of being. Do you find it valuable or important to respect those in positions of authority simply because of their position? Does this vary based on what that position is? Nope. I'm not gonna respect an absolute asshole just because you're of a high position. It doesn't vary to me, either. Do you find that you often desire and/or enjoy sex? If not, why not and how do you negotiate those feelings with your partner? If so, what is it that you enjoy about it in particular? I'd say I desire it to a normal degree, and yeah, I enjoy it. Why, #1, it's such a passionate and intimate way to communicate how much you love and trust your partner. Then I mean it feels good so. How many times have you seriously injured yourself? Idk. Seriously... three? When was the last time you were a passenger in a car and sat in the back? In the back, idk. Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Yes. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? Yes, flute. What is the best thing you’ve ever bought at a thrift shop? This cool crashed ship lamp! It's beside my bed. Have you ever ordered an unusual drink at a bar? No. What is your favorite thing about summer? Swimming. That's it. When was the last time you went to your local library? Whew, years. Can you do a proper cartwheel? No. Have you ever been pulled aside by security at the airport? No. Are you a fast-thinker or a slow-thinker? Slow. If you were to donate to charity today, what would you donate to? The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention or The Trevor Project. What is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? Magic: The Gathering and not since my PS3 broke (I had the Duel of the Planeswalkers store game on there and I WANT IT BACK). Who was the last person you cuddled with? Sara. Did you ever go to summer camp when you were younger? No. What is your favorite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times) Gingerbread men!! Are there any television shows you own in entirety on DVD or VHS? Meerkat Manor. How far away from your house is the nearest gas station? Like, two minutes. Do you know anyone who is fluent in a second-tongue? Yeah. What is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen and who did you watch it with? The Rite, but only because the whole "raped and impregnated by a demon" shtick is a fuck to the no from me. Watched it with my younger sis years ago. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? A looooooooong time ago, I don't like baths. What was the last strong scent you smelled? Poop. Good job, Bentley. What did you buy the last time you went shopping for new clothes? A bra, I think? How did you discover your favorite band? Mom's CDs. When I was getting into my rock and metal love, I went through them and listened to albums with cool covers or bands I knew she loved, and the first happened to be Ozzy. :') Does the weather affect your mood? If so, in what ways? Yes. I have a greater tendency to feel down when it's real cloudy and sometimes rainy. If it's really hot, I'm in a worse/cranky mood. When are you most likely to be bored? Late afternoon/evening. What was the last big decision you made? Hmmm. Going back to school, maybe? Where was the last place you traveled to, and what did you do while there? Illinois. Hang out with my bby. :') What is your favorite thing to go shopping for? Clothes at Hot Topic ahhhhh. What was the last thing you received in the mail? Something for VR. What is one of your wildest dreams or ambitions? Become a well-known photographer. When was the last time you performed in front of a group of people? Years ago for dance. Who was the last person to upset you? How about the last person to cheer you up? Mom; Sara. Is there anything or anyone you’re trying to get over or let go of? No. What was the subject of your last phone conversation? Uhhh something short with Ma that I don't remember. How close do you have to be with someone before you’ll consider them a friend? I have to feel decently comfortable around them. How do you feel when a mostly unheard of band (or tv show, movie, etc.) that you love suddenly starts to gain popularity? I'm happy for them! I just hope they don't change. When was the last time you listened to new music? Uhhh recently. Do you think it is strange when a couple says “we are pregnant” rather than “I am pregnant” or “my girlfriend is pregnant”? No, I actually prefer it. You're in that shit together. Do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong era? What decade would you most like to have grown up in? No. I'm good with the '90s. What was your most memorable concert experience? Only been to one. :| But Alice was great. If you have any, are you close with your sibling(s)? Has it always been that way? Not very, and no, at least with my younger sister. We were pretty close. Do you require “closure” after things like break-ups or do you move on easily? I. Need. Closure. How long does it take for someone to earn your trust? Good luck. Do you like peanut butter? Yesssss. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school? Do/did you prefer wearing it than regular clothes? In middle school. Hell no. What’s the last thing you got really excited over? Going to Sara's. Is there a genre of movie that you just can’t watch? Action-y. What was the last song to give you nostalgia? "Holiday" by Green Day. Do you have a certain color grape you like the most? Purple. What’s your signature thing you do when drinking that will make your friends say, “Alright, they’re drunk”? N/A Have you ever been on a hot air balloon? No. What’s your definition of weird? I try to keep the mindset that "weird" doesn't exist as I'm not one to talk about things being so, yet I'm hypocritical about it and do find some things, ex. fetishes, extremely weird. Do you use shaving cream? For my legs. When was the last time you cleaned your room? Is your room clean? I dusted my whole room a while back. I need to vacuum baaadly, but ours is broken. ;-; Have you ever personally known any girl who shaved their head? Yes. Have you ever known anyone who committed suicide? Sadly. Have you ever tried to commit suicide? Yes. Have you ever coughed up blood? No. How do you wish you could die? Surrounded by family and painless. Do you have any apps on your Facebook? If so, what? No. What kind of mouse pad do you have? Don't have one. What color is your mouse? Pink. Do you know any who might be anorexic? Do you know anyone who has bulimia? Maybe? Did you ever want a pony when you were little? Idr. What’s your favorite dessert food? Ice cream. What is the closest thing to you right now that is alive? My dog. Do you exercise? I'm starting to again. Do you dislike writing school essays? Not if it's a subject I like. Are you a very open-minded person? Yes. Are you modest? I believe I am. Do you skate? No. Are you in a band? No. If you were to make it big with your own band, what would its name be? *shrugs* It depends on the members. Would you rather a friend come over to your house or you go over there? I go over there. Have you ever had rabies? No. Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot? Idk. Have you ever gone hunting? No, never would. Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb? No. Have you ever received a note in your locker? I think once from Aaron?