#(and in the third one erika is playing his mother so really it's two for two for campaigns where that was even a possibility) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sweet-savvy-slytherins · 4 years ago

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Hi, everyone!

Developing characters is something I really enjoy, so I had a lot of fun putting together a twin set of MCs! This is the first of the two, Evangeline! I’d love if people would give her a read, and let me know what you think of her!

For clarification, I used the Classified Text Generator in a few spots. That way, I didn’t have to leave any information out, and those who had reached that part of the game would recognize what I was talking about regardless, but those who hadn’t wouldn’t be spoiled.

Name:

Hypatia Nadine Linwood, originally

Evangeline Nadine Desrosiers, currently

Usually goes by Vany

Initials spell “END,” which she finds hilariously ominous

Gender: Cisgender female

Age: 16 years old

Birth Date: October 20th

Species: Human (despite her mother’s insistence that they’re part Veela)

Blood Status: Pureblood

Sexuality: Openly homoromantic and homosexual

Alignment: Chaotic good

Ethnicity: Afro-European

Residence: A condo in Bristol

Myer Briggs Personality Type: ESTP-A, the Entrepreneur

1st Wand: When she was eleven, Evangeline was matched with a dogwood wand that was nine inches in length, with a dragon heartstring core.

2nd Wand: In her fifth year, after she unwisely challenged Madam Rakepick and had her wand broken as a result, Evangeline found herself paired with a spruce wood wand, this one nine and two thirds inches in length with a phoenix tail feather core. While she resents Rakepick for breaking her first, Evangeline does admit to feeling like her second wand suited her better.

Animagus: Evangeline never becomes an animagus.

Miscellaneous Magical Abilities: Unlike Jacob and Enola, Evangeline is not a born legilimens. However, just like her mother, she is a Seer. (Because that is just like her mother, isn’t it? To pass on the world’s shittiest super power?) Most of the time, this ability manifests in the form of a vague sense or a murky dream. To this day, she’s only had one proper vision, and it was when she was very small.

Boggart Form: Her mother showering her with praise, and saying she was proud of the witch she’d grown to be. This tends to confuse her peers, since it seems so positive—but Evangeline knows her mother. The narcissist that she is, Mireille would never have praised her like that unless she molded Evangeline into her double. That is Evangeline’s worst fear: becoming her mother.

Riddikulus Form: Mireille more or less being turned into a cymbal-banging monkey, with a kazoo in her mouth, cymbals in her hands, and a silly hat.

Amortentia: When Evangeline smells amortentia, the scent is a combination of broom handle polish, leather, and buttered toast. If someone’s amortentia were to smell like her, it would smell like cherry lip gloss, orange pekoe tea, and, again, broom handle polish.

Patronus: A crow. Although they’re best known for supposedly being an omen of death, they’re also believed to symbolize destiny, flexibility, and mischievousness.

Patronus Memory: About a month before Evangeline turned nine, there was a night where her entire family—Aunt Felicienne, Jacob, Enola, and Casper—all let her paint their nails. They all talked and laughed the entire night, drinking cocoa and admiring their nails, and it was the first time they felt like a proper family.

Mirror of Erised: Her family not only together again, but being treated with the respect they deserve. Her brother’s bad reputation erased, the whispers about her aunt for being a squib silenced, and the ghost of their parents’ actions exorcised.

Specialized/Favorite Spells: Evangeline has an affinity for fun spells, like Colovaria and Orchideous. They may not be the most practical, but is that such a crime? Not every spell can serve a greater purpose.

Physique:

Athletic build, due to her involvement in Quidditch

Strong limbs and a toned figure

5′8 in heigh

Eye Color:

Dark grey in color

Always decorated with pristine eyeliner and a light brush of mascara

Hair Color:

Deep brown

Occasionally experiment with different hair colors using Colovaria

Naturally curly, but is often straightened

Hip length (when straightened)

Skin Tone:

Light brown

Warm undertones

Body Modifications:

One piercing in each ear

Scarring:

Extensive burn scars on both forearms — gained at 7 years old

Thin scar directly across the bridge of her nose — gained at 25 years old

Inventory:

Her favorite cherry lip gloss

A bag of butterscotch candies

A hair clip or two

Her treasured leather journal.

Fashion: Though Evangeline consciously tries not to be vain, knowing it was one of her mother’s vices, she does take pride in her appearance, and enjoys looking good. When not outfitted in her school robes, she usually tries to aim for a classy, feminine sort of style. More often than not her outfits consist of trendy sweaters or turtlenecks (never t-shirts), tea length skirts, and oxford pumps. As for accessories, Evangeline is quite fond of dainty earrings and delicate silver rings, as well as pretty hair clips. The one exception to her style tastes is Erika’s sweaters: they’re over-sized, a little more traditionally masculine, and more worn out than Evangeline likes to let her clothes get. Still, she absolutely covets them.

Hogwarts House: Slytherin, house of the cunning and ambitious. It’s garnered such a reputation for being the “mean house” that people always seem to be surprised to learn that Evangeline was placed there. But, as she’s always quick to remind them, “mean” is not a requisite for being in Slytherin. It’s just an unfortunate trend.

Ilvermorny House: Thunderbird, house of the soul, home to the adventurer.

Affiliations/Organizations: Obviously, as first a student and then an alum, Evangeline is affiliated with Hogwarts. She also joins ███ ██████ ██ ██████ out of support for Enola, and, later on, is a member of the Order of the Phoenix.

Professions: After working as a spy for the Order during the second wizarding war, Evangeline builds a career as a grief counselor for magical children.

Class Proficiencies:

Astronomy: A

Charms: E

DADA: O

Flying: O

Herbology: P

History of Magic: A

Potions: A

Transfiguration: E

Electives:

Divination

Muggle Studies

Both are total goof off classes, considering she’s a Seer who was raised in a muggle community

Quidditch:

Seeker on the Slytherin team from third year onward

Played one season as a beater in her fourth year

Extra Curricular:

Art Club

Frog Choir

Favorite Professors:

Professor Hooch — fellow Quidditch lover

Professor Trelawney — endearingly kooky

Least Favorite Professors:

Professor Snape — killjoy

Professor Sinistra — uptight

Brother: The eldest of the Desrosiers children is Theron, who renamed himself Jacob after his parents’ death. Of his three younger siblings, he’s arguably closest to Evangeline, since she shares his charisma and occasional haughtiness. Evangeline understood, better than any of the others, how badly he wanted to restore both the Kastellanos and Desrosiers family names to their former glory. No, actually, not their former glory—a new glory, built on talent and respect, rather than on the subjugation of those considered “beneath” them.

Other Siblings: Older than Evangeline by six minutes, Enola is the second oldest Desrosiers sibling, and easily the one Evangeline is closest to. People can dismiss the notion of twin ESP all they want, but Evangeline believes it. Different as they may be, her and Enola have always been finely attuned to each other. They can read each other easily, and always know exactly what the other needs. There isn’t a chance they could ever be as close with someone else as they are with each other.

Evangeline also has a younger brother. Helios Kastellanos, renamed Casper by their Aunt Felicienne, is five years younger than the twins, and truth be told, Evangeline’s never had too strong of a relationship with him. It’s not like they argue, or they hate each other. They’ve just...never connected. He’s always clung to Enola, so Evangeline figures that it’s a trade off she had to make. She gets to be close with Jacob, at the cost of being close with Casper. Enola gets to be close with Casper, at the cost of being close with Jacob. It evens out.

Father: Truth be told, Evangeline remembers very little of her father, Proteus. Beyond not spending a lot of time at home, Proteus was more concerned with his male heirs than either of his daughters. Everything Evangeline knows about him, she’s learned secondhand, and even then, it’s very little. Felicienne and Jacob always waved off her questions, telling her she didn’t want to know about him, Enola remembered as little as she did, and Casper was only three when he died. Evangeline knows that he was a Death Eater, and that’s more or less it.

Mother: Now, her mother, Mireille, on the other hand...Evangeline remembers her quite vividly. Mireille was a woman who prided herself on beauty more than anything, and wanted to raise her daughters to be just the same—as long as they were never more beautiful than she was. Though she came from a family of blood purists, Mireille was the first Desrosiers to become a Death Eater, and Evangeline suspects that she got in over her head. It’s her theory that the stress drove Mireille crazy, and that was why she was so prone to paranoia and explosive bursts of anger. One of Evangeline’s most vivid memories of Mireille attempting to throw a pot of boiling water in her face when she was seven years old; Evangeline threw up her arms to defend herself, and she still bears the scars from the attack all these years later.

Love Interest: Evangeline has a big, fat, gay crush on Erika Rath, and she’s not ashamed to admit it. She’d already been attracted to her on an entirely physical level, and then Evangeline had to seek out her tutelage when the Slytherin team was short a Beater. Discovering the awkward, uncertain girl that existed beneath the gruff exterior completely sealed the deal. They bonded over their love for Quidditch, continuing to train together even when Evangeline switched back to playing Seeker, and with time, came to find that they really enjoyed each other’s company. Evangeline could make Erika laugh like no one else, and Erika felt like one of the only people Evangeline could be entirely herself with, even if that meant exposing the ugly pieces of herself as well as the polished ones. Finally, Evangeline asked Erika to the Celestial Ball, and the rest was history. It’s rather funny to see them side by side, with Erika, perpetually dressed in her jersey and scowling, towering over Evangeline, with her pressed skirts and sunny smiles.

Best Friends: One of Evangeline’s dearest friends at Hogwarts is local contraband dealer, Jae Kim. Truth be told, he was initially quite intimidated by her. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but despite Evangeline’s bubbly disposition, something about her always struck him as distinctly...eldritch. Like she was something unusual, and not entirely human. Maybe it was just the way she could flip her emotions on a dime, entirely of her own volition. Watching her be seething mad and then slap on a bright, sunny grin as she turned away, easy as flipping a switch, was unnerving. Regardless, the two bonded throughout their time spent in detention, and Enola is quite proud to boast that she’s one of the few people that can almost wrangle Jae into following the rules.

She’s also quite close with Penny Haywood and Diego Caplan, two Hufflepuffs who share Evangeline’s popularity and social skill. Evangeline likes to joke that she’s “Penny, but with edge.” Penny gets a kick out of it. Diego, on the other hand, did initially have slightly selfish reasons for befriending Evangeline—namely, his hope that she could help him get closer to Enola, who he had a crush on—but ended up genuinely bonding with her somewhere along the way. She’s his favorite dueling and dancing partner, and they trust each other more than anyone seems to realize.

Rivals: Some people might not understand how two people on the same team can be rivals, but Evangeline and Skye Parkin make it work. It’s not a mean rivalry by any means, but it’s an intense one, with both of them aiming to be the star player on the Slytherin Quidditch team. Evangeline also considers herself rivals with Emily Tyler, who reminds her uncomfortably of her mother, and Merula, who competes with her in, well, everything.

Enemies: Logically, Evangeline knows that there’s really nothing wrong with Talbott Winger. He’s an entirely decent guy, who minds his own business and keeps his head down. She has no reason to dislike him the way she does. But she just can’t help it. Maybe it’s his aloofness that rubs her the wrong way—Evangeline’s always liked to be liked, not to mention the nosy streak she possesses and she finds people that reserved and guarded frustrating. Maybe it’s the fact that she thinks he has eyes for her sister, when Enola could definitely do better. (Of course, this is only Evangeline’s perception. If she really wanted to know who had eyes for Enola, she’d have better luck looking at her best friend, Jae.) Either way, Evangeline isn’t a fan.

Dormmates: Evangeline shares a dorm with Rowan Khanna, Liz Tuttle, Skye Parkin, and her twin sister, Enola.

Pets: On the record, Evangeline has only one pet, and it’s a very old, exceptionally grumpy, melanistic Sphynx cat named Toodles. Despite being more or less a crotchety old man in cat form, Toodles is absolutely the light of Evangeline’s life, and she dotes on him like he is her actual child. The amount of money she’s dropped on Toodles is honestly kind of staggering, but Enola insists that it’s entirely necessary. Sphynx cats require a lot of careful care, and if Evangeline has her way, Toodles is only going to get the best of the best.

However, off the record, Evangeline has also grown unusually close to one Thestral in particular. She’s been sneaking into the Forbidden Forest to study them since she was in her 2nd year, and during one such excursion, she witnessed a Thestral foal being birthed. Since it provided a prime opportunity to study the life cycle of a Thestral, Evangeline focused most of her observations on that foal, which she named Melinoe, after the Greek goddess of ghosts and spirits. It took some time to build trust, but eventually, Melinoe and Evangeline were thick as thieves, and Melinoe greeted her like an excited puppy whenever she came to visit the forest. Leaving Melinoe behind is perhaps what Evangeline’s dreading most about her graduation from Hogwarts.

Closest Canon Friends: Jae Kim, Penny Haywood, Diego Caplan, Nymphadora Tonks, and Tulip Karasu.

Closest MC Friends: Outside of Enola, none yet, but looking!

Pre-Hogwarts: Hypatia was born the third child of Proteus and Mireille Kastellanos. She spent the first eight years of her life in Greece, living on her father’s family estate, roaming the grounds with her siblings, enjoying the abundance of wealth at her fingertips. It should’ve been a charmed life...but it wasn’t. See, Proteus and Mireille were both Death Eaters, and neither were much suited for parenthood. It was a household strife with unease and contempt, and if the ruthless mental (and occasionally physical) abuse Hypatia experienced wasn’t enough, her childhood was also plagued by terrible visions. In this visions, an explosion burst in her family parlor, leaving both her parents dead on the floor.

Then, when she was eight years old, the premonition came true. Aurors raided the manor, and in the ensuing fight, both Proteus and Mireille were killed, with their two young daughters bearing witness. The children were whisked away from the home, and eventually sent to live with their maternal aunt, Felicienne Desrosiers. A squib who had fled her Pureblood-supremist family to live in England, Felicienne was hardly equipped to take on four young, magical, traumatized children, but still, she stepped up to the plate, determined not to fail them the way that their parents had.

The first thing she did? She sat them down, and helped them choose out new names. While her family name wasn’t exactly sparkly clean, it carried less of a stigma than their father’s. And thus, Hypatia Kastellanos died with her parents, and Evangeline Desrosiers was born.

From that point on, Evangeline grew up to be a rather well-adjusted girl. Or, as well-adjusted as a girl with her experiences could be. The only real point of concern was the fixation she began to develop with death; she played funeral director far more often than she ever played princess, and was prone to checking out books on embalming methods from the local library. However, she wasn’t hurting anyone or thing and showed no desire to, so Felicenne decided it wasn’t anything to worry too much about. It was simply Evangeline’s way of coping. Throughout the years, Evangeline found happiness with her new family, and despite Jacob’s disappearance, despite Felicenne’s failing health, Evangeline is determined to protect that happiness.

2nd Wizarding War: As the war starts picking up steam, Evangeline establishes her allegiance to The Order of the Phoenix, and starts working as a spy, able to rely on her charisma and family heritage to gain the trust of dark wizards. She’s not accepted into the inner circle, not nearly, but she’s silver-tongued enough to get information from those that are. During this time, she secretly elopes with her long-term girlfriend, Erika Rath. She fights in the battle of Hogwarts, and in doing so, gains a scar directly across the bridge of her nose.

Post-War: Following the war, Evangeline finds that her ambitions have changed. Despite having wanted for years to be a mortician, she finds that the idea now lacks the appeal it did when she was young. Perhaps she’s just seen enough death. Still, she’s determined to put all of her years of research to use. She ends up finding her calling providing grief counseling to children, and, specifically, to magical children. She makes the unconventional choice to train Thestrals as a sort of therapy animal for children who have witnessed death. Her and Erika, now going public with their marriage, also adopt a set of siblings—an eight year old named Winifred, and a six year old named Josephine, the daughters of a friend of Erika’s who was, unfortunately, killed in the war. It’s difficult, considering both girls are old enough to remember and miss their parents, but Evangeline’s grief training comes in handy in helping them cope with the loss. It may take time, but eventually, they do truly feel like a family.

There's a lot more to Evangeline than there appears to be at a glance. Upon first meeting, she seems...well, vivacious. She loves to laugh and lights up a room with her smile alone, and is playful and a little mischievous by nature. She's also quite the hopeless romantic, and ultimately wants to end up happy with someone she loves. Some may say that this makes her pathetic, but she doesn't view it that way at all. What's so wrong with wanting to be happy?

Though Evangeline may not hand out her trust too quickly or freely, she is always willing to provide a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. Her loyalty to those who find a place in her heart is admirable, especially when it comes to her family, and she would willingly fight to the death to protect those she loves. She always finds some way to show her affection, whether it's through a warm hug when one is needed or a good laugh provided when sadness seems to be taking over. She’s charismatic and enigmatic and attractive, and most everyone she meets consider her to be a delightful young woman.

And then her smile sharpens just slightly, glinting like light on the blade of a dagger, and all of a sudden, it’s abundantly clear why she was sorted into the house of the cunning.

Now, the image Evangeline puts forth isn’t a lie. She is genuinely friendly and outgoing, and the majority of the time, everything she says and does is sincere. However, certain traits are exaggerated because she wants to present a specific image of herself—or rather, she wants certain parts of her to go unnoticed, so she emphasizes the ones she wants people to see and lets the other ones slip out of the edges of their perception.

Beneath the girlish laughter and perfect grins is a master manipulator, always poised for battle, whether they be fought with words or fists. The sweetness, the flattery, the pretty little smiles, they coax information out conversations faster than threats ever did. A true Slytherin at her core, Evangeline has long since learned how to use her beauty and natural charisma to get what she needs out of people and accomplish her goals, which are, fortunately, mostly altruistic. Who knows what sort chaos she could wrought, if she put her mind to it?

Total theater kid. She attended muggle primary schools prior to Hogwarts, and you can bet your bippy she jumped on every opportunity to get on stage that she was offered. Notable roles include Belle in Beauty and the Beast, the Wicked Witch of the West (ironically enough) in The Wizard of Oz, Wendy in Peter Pan, and Queen Zixi in Queen Zixi of Ix.

It’s no secret that Evangeline’s one premonition was of the raid that her parents died in. Her siblings all know, and none of them blame her. She was just a child; she didn’t understand what she was seeing. The secret is that, even if she had understood, Evangeline doesn’t think she would’ve warned anyone.

#hphm oc #hphm mc #jacob's sibling #hogwarts mystery #hphm #harry potter #hogwarts #slytherin #evangeline desrosiers #evangeline and enola #hogwarts mystery mc #hogwarts mystery oc #oc

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episims · 4 years ago

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Foxfire Families

I suck big time at making notes for myself and tbh I don’t usually even need them, but sometimes they would come handy and since I tend to make better notes when I post them in public...

Many Foxfire Forest characters have family members that won’t make an appearance ‘cause they’re not really part of the hood, but I try to keep track of them so here are some of my sims off-screen families “revealed” :P no pics, just a boring wall of text (<- the reason for the cut), sorry.

I’m only going to list those whose family I’ve already mentioned at some point and I might edit this later to add the others, or to specify some descriptions. This describes their families as they were when I started playing the neighborhood.

Warnings for mentions of deceased family members and broken family backgrounds in general.

Becca: Her dad and older sister are also in the military career, her mother (whom personality she takes a lot after) has been pretty much at home since she met Becca’s dad.

Ruby: Her other mom is a car mechanic who runs her own business. The other works at the office of some boring corporation - she’s the one from whom Ruby inherited her cute ears. She has no siblings.

Cloud: He’s the only child of what he would describe as a boring, middle-class family. His mom and dad both work as professors.

Erika: Her mom was a plantsim who lived most of her life alone and grew Erika from a spore. She’s already passed away.

Lydia: She’s an orphan and knows nothing of her biological parents. During her whole childhood her foster family changed at least once in every few years.

Troy: His dad was a single parent, and frankly highly irresponsible as one. Troy doesn’t know who his other dad is and has no siblings that he knows of.

Will: His parents were already quite old when they got him, and they’re both now deceased. He doesn’t have siblings which is quite unusual for a werewolf family.

Jamie: His parents divorced when he was young, and he doesn’t know his dad well. His mother still lives in a nearby desert village, and so does his two older brothers.

Luke: He was raised by his grandmother who actually isn’t related to him by blood since his grandfather got impregnated by aliens. She’s already deceased.

Esther: Her mother is an ambassador who’s currently trying to make her third marriage work. She has three siblings, older brother and sister and a younger brother, but she’s the only child from her mother’s second marriage (which was with a male werewolf).

Tess: She has two moms but since the other one was a human, her vampire mother raised her alone to make things less complicated. No siblings that she knows of.

Jonas: His parents (both plantsims) run their own additional nutrient company that has succeeded quite well. He has a twin sister.

I’d love to have pictures of their family members but tbh, there are so many of them that I doubt I’ll ever have the energy to actually do those :’D

#text #text post #foxfire forest #foxfire forest extra #i just like writing weird listings okay #especially when i should be doing some schoolwork instead #also guess which twin is the responsible one lol

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yet-another-greek-myth-gay · 5 years ago

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Since I am currently very deeply invested in Hogwarts Mystery, I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time developing my version of Jacob’s Sibling in my mind. I’m kind of proud of the character I created, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to put her out there in the character universe of Hogwarts Mystery OCs.

Now, full disclosure, I’m not an artist. I don’t have any beautiful drawings attached to give you an idea of what I’m visualizing (at least, not any I drew). More or less, this is just going to be a bunch of word vomit about the character I’m crafted, and I’ll probably go back and edit it a bunch of times as I think of more details. If it isn’t too much trouble, I’d love to hear people’s opinions of her! Thank you to anyone who reads, and I hope you like her as much as I do!

BE WARNED THAT THIS CHARACTER SHEET CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR HOGWARTS MYSTERY.

FULL NAME: Helena Winifred Bancroft.

NICKNAME: Most people call her Nellie; only her mum calls her Helena. She also occasionally gets Nel, and Jacob used to call her Pip, short for Pipsqueak. Her and Rowan also had unique nicknames for each other, with Nellie calling Rowan “smart girl” and Rowan calling Nellie “sweet girl.”

DATE OF BIRTH: March 11th. She’s a Pisces.

BLOOD STATUS: Half-blood.

FAMILY: Nellie’s family consists of her mothers, a pureblooded Auror named Juliette and a muggle school teacher named Carolyn, and her half-brother Jacob. (Juliette is mum, Carolyn is mama.) Both her and Jacob’s respective fathers were muggle men that Juliette was involved with in the past, and neither are involved in their lives. The Bancroft bloodline is matrilineal, and while not necessarily famous, prides itself on producing particularly powerful witches.

BACKGROUND: She grew up in a small coastal community, where she was an avid swimmer, frequent visitor of the beach, and overall just a total water baby. Her family was comfortable financially, but chose to live fairly humbly, and Nellie was content with that. While she occasionally played with the local muggle children, most of Nellie’s time was spent either following Jacob around like a little shadow or playing with the fairies that lived in her mama’s garden. (She spent all her time telling them how pretty they were, so they tolerated her.) Unsurprisingly, she was a bit of a loner.

HOUSE: A proud Hufflepuff, just like Jacob.

DREAM: First and foremost, to find Jacob. However, in the long term, she’d really like to own a Hippogriff sanctuary and work as a breeder (with entirely moral methods, don’t worry). They’re by far her favorite creature, and she wants to spend the rest of her life working with them.

DEEPEST SECRET: That she wonders all the time if Jacob is worth saving. Growing up, he was her best friend and her hero, and there was no one she loved more. But watching how he changed in the last year or two prior to his disappearance, and hearing some of the stories at school, she honestly wonders if the loving brother she remembers exists anymore. And if he doesn’t, is the boy he left behind someone she wants to bring back?

She’s also been hiding a growing resentment toward her mum. While Jacob’s disappearance took a toll on them all, she sometimes feels like her mum’s put so much of her emotional energy into missing Jacob that she doesn’t have enough left to love her anymore, and she secretly hates her mum nudging her to find Jacob, even if it’s at the cost of her own happiness and safety.

...sometimes she wishes it had been Ben.

MOST TREASURED OBJECT: For years, it was her seashell locket, a gift she’d gotten from Jacob for her sixth birthday, with the little sculpture Barnaby made her for their Valentines Day date coming in at a close second. Now, it’s a spare pair of Rowan’s glasses, which Nellie had kept on hand since their first year, given how often Rowan misplaced hers.

WAND: Nellie’s first wand is ten and a half inches long, made of pear wood with a unicorn hair core. Her second, which she purchases in her fifth year, is eleven and a quarter inches, with an alder wood base and a phoenix feather core. Lastly, her third, which she gets after she graduates and keeps for the rest of her life, is ten and two thirds inches long, built from beech wood, and possesses a unicorn hair core.

PATRONUS: An African Bush Elephant.

ANIMAGUS: A Kooikerhondje dog.

BOGGART: Jacob’s corpse, shambling towards her like a zombie, sobbing about how she failed to save him.

BEST MEMORY: Jacob trying to teach her spells when he came home for his first break in his first year of Hogwarts. She would’ve only been five—they’re six years apart—so it’s a faint memory and she couldn’t do any of them anyway, but it was still happy enough to stick with her.

WORST MEMORY: The year Jacob disappeared, their mum mandated that he come home for breaks. (He’d been staying at school the past few years, but with everything that was happening, their mothers wanted to keep an eye on him.) He was on edge the entire time, bitter and aloof, and when Nellie tentatively tried to get him to play, he exploded at her about wasting his time. In that moment, his face twisted and red with rage, his tall, lanky body looming over her, Nellie didn’t recognize her brother at all, and that scared her more than anything. For the longest time, that was her worst memory.

Now, her worst memory is being in that forest grove, staring down at Rowan’s unmoving body, her gaping mouth and empty eyes. Even decades later, Nellie has dreams about it. Certainly, no memory will ever be worse than that one.

QUIDDITCH: After being trained by Skye, Nellie played as a Chaser for two seasons and a Beater for one, before retiring to a reserve chaser. There just wasn’t enough time, and she didn’t really have the competitive spirit for it. However, she remained friends with Skye, Orion, McNully, and Erika, and still enjoyed training with them to keep her skills sharp.

GREATEST STRENGTHS: Nellie is an overwhelmingly compassionate person. Her mama likes to joke that Nellie could spend all day waiting for a scoop of her favorite ice cream, and she’d still offer it to the first gloomy person she saw on the street. (Basically, if there’s a little pink heart next to a choice, that’s the one she’s making. Empathy is definitely her highest stat.) She never fails to go out of her way to help people, even if it’s to her own detriment. She just has a very warm energy, which makes it easy for people to feel safe confiding in and depending on her.

GREATEST WEAKNESS: Unfortunately, Nellie’s compassion is a bit of a double edged sword, and she can be guilty of stretching herself too far trying to please everyone and, subsequently, letting herself fall to the wayside. She’s also embarrassingly naive (a negative consequence to her desperate belief in the inherent goodness of people), and has a tendency to get a little too emotionally invested in things. She also stakes a lot of her personal value in her ability to keep others happy—if she isn’t capable of keeping those she loves safe and content, she feels she has no value at all.

APPEARANCE: In short, Nellie is about as far from intimidating as any one person can get. She never surpasses five feet tall, nor does she develop past her scrawny adolescent physique. Her face is round, with a little button nose and big ocean blue eyes. She’s covered from head to toe in freckles, and has a slight case of buck teeth with a tiny tooth gap, though nothing she considered worth getting braces over. She also has a scar on her thumb from the time her mum tried to teach her how to whittle. It didn’t go well.

However, her most defining physical characteristic is her hair. Curly and sandy blonde, she grew it long for the first fifteen years of her life, only cutting off the occasional inch to keep it healthy. It was very carefully maintained, because although Nellie doesn’t consider herself a vain girl, she loved her hair, which grew to reach her thighs at its longest. It was the only feature of hers she considered genuinely and objectively beautiful, and she prided herself on it. In the summer after her fifth year of Hogwarts, she chopped all that treasured hair off into a bob, her only reasoning being that it was more practical. It certainly had nothing to do with the fact that Rakepick had grabbed her by her exceptionally long braid when she’d tried to run to Merula’s aid in the Buried Vault.

STYLE: Nellie dresses exactly how you’d expect a stereotypical Hufflepuff to dress. She favors bright, pleasant colors, likes embroidery and floral print, and values comfort over anything. Her current favorite outfits both involve overalls, with one consisting of denim overalls with embroidered butterflies on the chest pocket and a white t-shirt, and the other being a pair of faded overalls that she personally painted with flowers, despite being an absolutely terrible artist, and a yellow turtleneck. She pretty much always wears a pair of light weight, embroidered boots, and is never seen without her seashell locket.

VOICE: I picture her sounding similar to AnnaPantsu. There’s a reason she was able to make the choir, after all! (Even if she ultimately surrendered her spot to Merula.)

BEST SUBJECT: Unsurprisingly, Care for Magical Creatures. Her kind nature and respect for all magical beings makes her a bit of a natural. She’s also proven herself to have a knack for Divination. She’s no Seer, but she’s pretty good at deciphering omens and swears that she does sometimes see visions in crystal balls. She’s also decent at Transfiguration.

WORST SUBJECT: Anyone would suck at Potions if Snape spent the entire class glowering at them the way he does at Nellie! It’s awfully hard to focus when your professor is breathing down your neck, staring dismissively into your cauldron like you’ve already made a mistake. She also just has a really poor memory, so any class that requires her to follow a sequence of meticulous steps is going to be one she struggles with. She also has difficulty in History of Magic for a similar reason—all of those dates and names just go in one ear and out the other.

BEST FRIEND(s): Rowan. Nellie loves every member of her eclectic group of friends dearly, but Rowan was her first friend, and will always, always be her dearest. For whatever reason, they just clicked perfectly, and completely got each other. Her death changed Nellie irreversibly. For at least a year after Rowan’s death, Nellie wore the spare pair of glasses she’d kept for her everywhere. Even once she stopped, they were almost always in her bag. Nellie was eventually able to manage again, but she never really moved on.

The runner up was undoubtedly Bill. He completely adopted her as (yet another) younger sibling, and they never quite lose that closeness, even when Jacob comes back into the picture. After all, Jacob can’t replicate the experiences Nellie had with Bill. While he was doing his part to protect Nellie as best he could, and that’s admirable, it wasn’t him that was by Nellie’s side throughout every trial she faced at Hogwarts. It was Bill, and Jacob would never be able to imitate the connection that gave Bill and Nellie.

In the wake of Rowan’s death, Nellie also develops a surprisingly close friendship with Erika Rath. They’d already been developing a friendship, but Rowan’s passing was the catalyst for them growing closer. During one of her training sessions with Erika (which Erika had told her she could sit out of, given the circumstances, but Nellie insisted), Rowan’s glasses fell off, and cracked. The damage was minor and entirely fixable, but Nellie had a complete breakdown, allowing herself to cry for the first time since Rowan had died. And Erika sat there with her, holding her tight, the entire time. While the rest of her friends were tiptoeing around her, not sure what she needed and scared of saying the wrong thing, uncomfortable in the face of such overwhelming grief, Erika took everything Nellie threw at her in stride. The fits where all Nellie could do was scream and cry, the anger that had her beating her fists against the ground and snarling threats brutal enough to make her sick, the guilt that left a hollow pit in her stomach and made her wish it had been her instead. Every ugly thought, every wave of emotion, Erika stuck with Nellie through them all, keeping her grounded her during a time where she felt she could completely drift away. It’s impossible to describe the sort of bond that gives people.

WORST ENEMY: For a while, it was Emily Tyler. With Merula, at least she has qualities that Nellie can respect—her ambition, her bravery, her fierce determination—and they’ve had a few moments where it feels like some genuine bonding has occurred. She may not approve of a lot of Merula’s behavior, but at least she can sort of understand her. But Emily Tyler is just so superficial and mean spirited, and Nellie simply can’t stand her. Now, though, it’s easily Patricia Rakepick.

LOVE INTEREST: Barnaby Lee, though not at first. Nellie housed an absolutely fierce crush on Skye Parkin for a while, but it quickly became apparent that Skye didn’t return her feelings. To Skye, Nellie was like the sister she never had, and Nellie didn’t want to jeopardize that. There was also some sort of tension going on between her and Merula in their fifth year, but nothing ever came of it. After the events that transpired in the Vault, Merula decided Nellie wasn’t worth the trouble. It’s one of her biggest regrets.

Barnaby was actually crushing on Nellie long before she had any romantic feelings for him—ever since that first duel, actually, when she completely whooped his ass while apologizing after every blow. (A scene I actually explored here.) It took a little while, but Nellie eventually fell for Barnaby’s good heart and noble nature. He may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but he never fails to make her feel cared for. He can make her laugh when nobody else can, and although she’d loathe herself if he got hurt for her sake, it honestly feels a little nice to have someone trying to protect and take care of her for once, instead of the other way around. They also both love magical creatures, so a lot of their “dates” just consist of them hanging around the Care for Magical Creatures paddock and feeding whatever they find. Random little fun fact, Nellie’s pet name for Barnaby is just to say “Barnaby dear” as though it’s one word, and it never fails to make Barnaby feel super giddy.

PETS: Whoo boy, Nellie’s pets. First and foremost, there’s Astrid, her Lesser Sooty Owl. A remarkably intelligent bird, Astrid is usually found occupying the rafters above Nellie’s head, watching over her like a worrisome mother. She usually sleeps in Nellie’s dorm, rather than the owlery, and has a habit of picking at knots in Nellie’s hair (and, surprisingly, Rowan’s as well) with her beak as though she’s trying to straighten them out.

While she adores Nellie, Astrid is notably less fond of Klepto, her mischievous Niffler. If Astrid is like Nellie’s mother, Klepto is like an obnoxious toddler, always causing trouble and fussing for her attention. He’s remarkably clingy, enough so that Nellie’s taken to hiding him in the dorm rather than keeping him in the grasslands. (She can’t help it! He throws a fit if he can’t sleep pressed against the soles of her feet!)

Then there’s Flora, a particularly slothful fairy who has taken to riding in the pockets of Nellie’s robes, content to spend the rest of her life being carried around and lavished with compliments and sweets. Her and Astrid have a sort of tenuous truce, since they both have a bit of a fierce streak when it comes to defending Nellie.

There’s also a Hippogriff and a Common Welsh Green on the grounds, both of which Nellie is determined to befriend, but that’s still a bit of a work in progress at the moment.

FUN FACTS:

• Nellie ends up going grey—or white, rather—fairly early. Her hair’s almost entirely white by the time she turns thirty. She’s insecure about it for a while, then decides to just embrace it. It looks elegant, and Merlin help the person who tries to tell her otherwise.

• Given how incredibly physically affectionate Nellie is and how much she adored Rowan, it’s no surprise that she almost always kissed Rowan on the top of the head when saying goodbye. Just like she did in the forest grove, chest tight with anguish but eyes painfully dry.

• Barnaby and Nellie are married by the time they’re twenty. Maybe it’s a result of almost dying young on multiple occasions, but Nellie wasn’t keen on waiting. She didn’t want to take the risk of never getting the opportunity.

• Nellie has always wanted a big family. After how fractured hers became when Jacob disappeared, that desperate desire only increased. Fortunately, Barnaby, with his tiny, miserable family, wanted to create a large, happy one just as badly.

• On that note, they end up having five daughters: Ivy (Ravenclaw), Jade (Ravenclaw), Miri (Hufflepuff), Aurora (Slytherin), and Rowan (Hufflepuff). Many were surprised Nellie waited until her last child to name one after Rowan, but the truth was, she just wasn’t ready. She’d always known she wanted to, but it always felt too soon.

• As a frequent visitor to the Burrow, Nellie grew close with all the Weasleys. She actually babysat Ron and Ginny a far bit after she graduated Hogwarts.

• Bill and Jacob never get along. Though Bill can logically understand that Jacob was trying to protect Nellie, he can never really forgive Jacob for the distress he put Nellie through. And while Jacob understands that Nellie needed support and he wasn’t there to provide it, some part of him resents that Bill stepped into his role as Nellie’s brother.

• Although they were once close as sisters, Nellie and Skye’s friendship definitely changed for the worse in their sixth year. The drama surrounding Nellie getting trained and befriended by Erika all occurred in the month leading up to Rowan’s demise. Having Skye—someone Nellie considered a close friend—be so caught up in her own grudges and jealousy that she called off their friendship in a fit of anger not even a week after Rowan had died, while Erika—a friend she had only just started to make—acted as her rock throughout the whole grieving process, really changed Nellie’s perspective on Skye. To be fair, Skye did eventually apologize, and they picked up the pieces as best they could, but things were never the same.

• While Nellie focused more on the changes her friends went through after the events in the Buried Vault, there’s no denying that she changed as well. She hardly slept her entire sixth year. She cut off all her hair, and she jumped with every loud noise. Her naivety, one of her defining traits, withered, and left only wariness behind. She went from trusting everyone, to trusting no one. Then Rowan’s death came, and she crumbled completely. For a long time after it, she couldn’t function at all.

Thank you to @treebels, for the lovely artwork.

#i know she's a little lame but i really love her okay #she's like my baby #my meticulously constructed baby #hogwarts mystery #harry potter #hogwarts #hphm #hphm oc #jacob's sibling #helena bancroft #nellie bancroft #hogwarts mobile game #spoilers #hphm spoilers #hogwarts mystery spoilers

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winryofresembool · 5 years ago

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Edwin family fic: Don’t Forget

Summary: The Rockbell-Elric family has a new reason to not forget October 3rd.

A/N: I know, it’s been 3000 years and more! But here it finally is, a new fic in honor of the FMA day :) This fic is sort of a “collaboration” with @criis55 who did this totally adorable piece of art of our fankids. Go check it out if you haven’t!

A little info on the fankids: I (and Cris) HC that Edwin has 6 kids. Here are their ages in this fic:

Alan: 16

Emma: 14

Elena: 11

Arthur: 10

The twins (Henry & Erika): 5

If you wanna know more about them, feel free to check my art/fic tags or ask about them directly from me :D I am always happy to share some info!

Genre: Fluff. Oh, I’m back to my ol’ habits.

Words: 1600+

Warnings: none

...

“Hey Ed”, Winry tried to catch her husband's attention once they had put their kids into bed. “I was wondering...”

"Yeah?" Ed asked curiously.

"You know what day tomorrow is, right?" Winry asked a bit hesitantly.

"It's October third… The twins' birthday. And the day when..."

"Yeah, the day when you and Al... Left for your journey." Winry said carefully, not really wanting to bring up what else the boys had done that day.

"That's one way to put it..." Ed sighed and sat down on the bed. "It's been 24 years since then..."

"A lot has changed. For the better."

"You're right." Ed nodded, a bit absent mindedly as he was recalling the events from his youth.

"That's why I would like to do something special for that day,” Winry surprised him.

"Hmmm?" Ed asked. "What do you have in your mind?"

"You... Remember that family picture your family took when you were just little kids?"

"Oh course, it was when my father...."

"My point is,” Winry stopped Ed before he could start his usual rant about his good for nothing father. “That old photo caught my eye the other day and I realized we haven't taken one of the 8 of us after the twins were born. They turn 5 already so it would be about time, don't you think?"

"Mmmm... Sure, why not,” Ed agreed. “But you know there's a reason why we haven't gotten them into a picture? Because one moment they are sitting on the sofa petting the dog, and then you pat your eyes once and suddenly they are throwing the dog's food at each other like it was a snowball fight."

"Maybe we have better luck this time. It's worth trying, right?" Winry asked.

"Yeah, of course," Ed admitted, although still slightly skeptical.

"This is gonna be good. I promise."

The next day started pretty much the way Ed had expected. Alphonse and Mei had gotten the twins a birthday cake because Winry had been working long hours on a new automail and teaching Alan some new techniques she had learned, while Ed had been busy babysitting and writing his new book. However, they had unfortunately forgotten that the twins hated all the dairy products, even more than their father. That’s why, when the birthday kids saw that the cake had a cream frosting on it, instead of something that tasted a little less like milk (like chocolate), the hell broke loose.

“Dad! I’m not eating this!”

“I want a chocolate cake!!”

“Henry, your uncle brought it, you’d better be more polite! Erika, chocolate has also milk in it, it’s no different than this!” Ed scolded his kids.

“You’re mean, dad!” Erika screamed, the 5-year-old brain of hers shocked about this information.

“Hey Rika, if the cake is not edible, then no one can eat it, right?” Henry asked slyly.

“Yep, you are right, brother!” Erika nodded, with a gleam in her eye that usually knew nothing good.

“DON’T DO IT!” Ed yelled, but too late. The twins had already dug into the cake and caught big pieces of it in their small hands, and they were now throwing them at each other. The blue shirts their parents had picked for the photograph later that day were covered in cream, and the cake was ruined.

“And what are we supposed to eat now?!” Ed growled after taking an entire minute to calm down a bit. “And what are you gonna wear for the photo? Your mum is gonna kill me when she gets home.”

…

Thankfully, the household was full of helpful people. The twins had been bathed and changed into clean clothes (green ones this time), Alan had cleaned the kitchen, and an apple pie courtesy of Al, Mei, and Elena was in the oven by the time Winry arrived from running her errands. She looked at her family a bit suspiciously when they were sitting so peacefully at the table but said nothing about it at first. She did, however, notice the new shirts on the twins and couldn’t not ask: “Ed, what happened to the blue shirts? Didn’t we decide…”

“They messed them up, mum,” Emma said, tired of everyone trying to keep a poker face. “… Started playing with the cake…”

“Cake… I thought… I thought this was what you guys brought…” Winry gestured towards the apple pie with confusion.

“Sorry, Winry… It was my fault, I should have taken better care of them,” Ed said before she could raise her voice at the kids.

The mother of 6 took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment.

“Let’s just… forget about it for now and try this pie instead. But twins, you will apologize to uncle Al and aunt Mei once we’re done. They got the cake for you to eat, not to destroy.”

“Don’t worry about it, Winry,” Al waved it off. “Kids will be kids. I should have remembered they have my brother’s blood in them, and they can’t handle cream.” He threw a sly look towards Ed.

“Hey!” Ed barked back. “It’s not like I /taught/ them to hate dairy products!”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you had,” Al retorted and the rest of group started laughing.

…

“OK, is everyone ready for the photo? Alan, why are you still in your working clothes?! You don’t have time to change them anymore. Emma, why are you wearing black? Didn’t we agree on blue? Elena, sweetie, you are the only who is dressed up decently. Yeah, yeah, Ed, you look nice too. Have I told you I like your beard?”

Winry did her best to make sure everyone was looking their best in the picture. Sure enough, most of the kids didn’t have the clothes they had originally planned, but she knew her family and she knew that if she started nitpicking, it would take the photographer at least an extra hour to get his work done. Besides, wasn’t it better that they looked like their usual selves rather than some people they were not?

…

Here’s how the photo ended up looking:

Before the photographer had arrived, Alan had been practicing the new automail model his mother had taught him earlier, so he was, while a bit tired and dirty, also very content in the picture after a successful day of working.

Emma, on the other hand, looked like she wanted to be anywhere but in the picture, but she had managed to make her parents promise that her dog Key could be in the photo as well, so she couldn’t talk herself out of it.

Elena was used to being in front of camera, and to her mother’s relief she had also picked a cute dress as her outfit, so compared to everyone else, she looked like a model citizen in the photo.

The music loving Arthur had just read from some magazine that artists should try to stand out, so instead of blue, he had picked a red shirt, and he was trying to do the pose he had seen many young musicians do in the PR photos.

The birthday kids stood out with their green shirts and lively expressions, but the parents were happy they had managed to get them to calm down for a moment. Or maybe it was the photographer who had promised the kids sweets once he was done.

All in all, Ed and Winry thought the photo was a success, and worth the trouble they had seen.

…

“Can you believe?” Ed asked absentmindedly while looking at the brand-new photo on Winry and his nightstand.

“Believe what?” Winry asked with confusion, sneaking her arms around her husband’s torso while peeking over his shoulder.

“That this is our life now? Who would have thought 24 years ago…”

“Hmmm?”

Ed was a quiet for a while, but finally he opened up a bit: “I was a lost kid, with just one goal in my life: to get Al’s body back. I couldn’t let myself think of anything else. That’s why I also…”

“Burned down your house…” Winry said quietly.

“Yeah…”

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but… while I was so scared for you two that night, I also… I think I also admired you a bit,” she confessed.

“Why? We did an awful thing!”

“It was because you were so determined,” Winry answered calmly. “I trusted that with that determination – or stubbornness – you’d manage to do what you were set to do. And you did.”

“Yeah… You know we got a lot of help, though,” Ed tried to shrug it off.

“And none of it was undeserved. You tend to see your mistakes, but you did a lot of things right, as well. Look at your kids, for example. They may have inherited the Elric way of showing it, but… I know they love you a lot. And… so do I, of course.”

“Thanks, Win… However, I wouldn’t have been able to do two of my proudest accomplishments without you. One, kicking that Father guy’s ass without your automail, and two, these little brats.” He pointed at the photo, smiling.

“Well, I admit that latter could have been a bit hard without me,” Winry chuckled, “but that’s why we make a good team. We created some pretty great kids, didn’t we?”

“Yeah. Even the twins,” Ed said jokingly.

“Even the twins,” Winry laughed. “Now,” she pushed Ed down on the mattress playfully, “would you like to share with me why they hate milk so much?”

“I can’t explain it, it’s in their genes!” Ed yelped before starting a wrestling match with his wife.

#edwin #edxwin #fullmetal alchemist #edward elric #winry rockbell #my fics #woop woop

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greenishbucket · 5 years ago

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Fifth Hausmate

Fifth hausmate – whose name she still isn’t totes sure about but is possibly Erin or Erika or Eliza or something with an E – is giving Lardo like, the dirtiest look known to humankind.

Lardo & Mystery Fifth Haus-2.0-mate, 1.3k, for @lardo-week day 1: beginnings. Also on ao3!

---

The first Lardo sees of the fifth hausmate is on a Sunday and it’s the door shut tight, lit up around the edges. Lardo’d only ventured into the basement to invite Ransom and Holster to play Mario Kart and get wrecked for the eighth time in two days, but the door makes her hesitate.

She hadn’t even realised the fifth hausmate had like, moved in. Even though Rans had shared the arranged deets with everyone and said it would be this weekend. She hasn’t gone anywhere other than down the road for emergency snack runs since Friday, though, so fifth hausmate must’ve been pretty sneaky about moving all her shit in.

That and the closed door are pretty solid signals: not in the mood to chat. Lardo can roll with that, even if her manager-brain is nudging her that this is a situation to be managed. She turns right to bang on Ransom and Holster’s doors instead.

The second time, it’s early morning and Lardo is both thoroughly fucking hungover and too nauseous to sleep. She’s curled up on the couch wrapped in the softest of Shitty’s hoodies she could find (while he was being a lucky, still-asleep asshole) and listening early morning chat shows on low volume; the combination is slowly, slowly healing her, but mother of fuck she feels ancient.

There’s also a woman Lardo has never seen before in the kitchen making breakfast but like, considering the reasons for and implications of that requires braincells Lardo really doesn’t have just then. Thankfully it’s nothing particularly strong-smelling or chunks would be blowing. She floats through an amount of space and time, really regretting everything, until she senses someone else in the room.

Fifth hausmate – whose name she still isn’t totes sure about but is possibly Erin or Erika or Eliza or something with an E – is giving Lardo like, the dirtiest look known to humankind. If fifth hausmate didn’t have the cutesiest home sweet home sign on her door and wasn’t currently wearing cupcake-patterned PJs, Lardo would be a little freaked.

“Morning?” Lardo croaks, in a hopefully friendly, conciliatory way. Fifth hausmate has dark shadows under her eyes and it’s only then that Lardo considers they’d maybe been kinda pretty loud getting back in last night. She’s not sure what fifth hausmate does but she’s out a lot and probably likes her sleep when she can get it.

Fifth hausmate scoffs and replies, super acidic, “Yeah, it’s morning,” then stalks off into the kitchen. Lardo almost warns her there’s some stranger cooking in here; before she can she hears, in a tone about ten million times softer, fifth hausmate’s “Babe, I was going to make you breakfast.”

Lardo isn’t so hungover that she can’t connect the dots. Also isn’t so hungover that she can’t feel a bit bad about lowkey interrupting fifth hausmate getting some. What Lardo is is just hungover enough that the breakfast is actually starting to smell really good. She kinda wants to ask if she can get in on it, but – luckily for the state of fifth hausmate-everyone else relations – she’s too hungover to actually get up from the couch.

The third time, Lardo is painting her toenails at the kitchen table because it has the best lighting. Shitty has submitted to one hand being done as a warmup while he reads through some dry as shit legalese, even though Lardo knows he’ll scratch it all off by tomorrow, and Ransom and Holster are arguing noisily about whose turn it is to clean their bathroom. Fifth hausmate is silently scrubbing a pot which had already been left to soak with an air of grim determination.

“It is literally not my turn to do it,” says Holster, opening the fridge and then closing it again for no apparent reason.

“Bro, it literally is,” says Ransom, turning to the cleaning rota he’d taped to the fridge. It’s been AWOL for at least two weeks but Lardo lets Ransom realise that himself. “Dude. Did you throw out the cleaning rota so you wouldn’t have to clean the bathroom?”

“Brah,” says Shitty, without looking up. Lardo knows that brah; it’s the ‘seems a little pretty fucking unreasonable, don’t you think?’ brah.

Holster expresses a similar sentiment by replying at a volume like, just slightly below yelling, “Are you seriously suggesting I stole the rota, bro?”

There is a part of Lardo, in all legit honesty, that does sometimes love to rile Ransom and Holster up. Like, for starters, she’s not going to remind them that they were the ones that took down the cleaning rota because they wanted to chuck paper airplanes down the basement stairs.

Except Lardo also can’t help but notice the way Holster’s booming has fifth hausmate’s shoulders rising inch by irritated inch. And she can’t help thinking about the fact that fifth hausmate has to share that rank bathroom with Ransom and Holster, too.

“Maybe I just won’t clean it either until someone finds the rota, then,” Ransom is saying, now doing his own version of the pointless fridge opening routine. Maybe it’s a stress reliever.

“Ransy, why the fuck would I hide the rota? I know I’m right.”

“Brah,” says Shitty again. It’s the ‘oh, dude, now you’ve done it’ kind this time.

“You know you’re right?” Ransom repeats. He’d started angrily and incorrectly watering their row of window hausplants but stops to give the derisive look he’s directing at Holster his full focus. “You just know, of course, sure you do. Except everyone else could also ‘know’ that you’re ‘right’ if you hadn’t taken the rota down.”

Fifth hausmate has stopped scrubbing her lost-cause pot and at a glance Lardo can see her jaw is supes clenched. Shitty is the bro to take charge of stuff like this, but he doesn’t pick up on the details like that early enough. Lardo does; she takes it as her cue.

“Dudes,” Lardo says. The kitchen falls silent. It’s kinda good to know she’s still got it. “Remember you have to share that bathroom with…”

The quiet stretches, suddenly less one of respect and more of awkwardness. Yikes. Lardo perhaps has got it less than she thought. She’s stuck half-gesturing over to fifth hausmate, caught out as having no fucking clue what her name is.

“Erin,” fifth-hausmate-Erin helpfully supplies once she realises she’s being included in the conversation.

“With Erin,” Lardo continues, “so maybe you should just clean that shit together and call it even.”

With much grumbling but a little cowed by the realisation that fifth hausmate – Erin – exists and halfway to a best-friends-activate joy-and-rainbows spree, Ransom and Holster head off to clean the bathroom. Shitty absentmindedly kisses a fingertip and presses it against Lardo’s face in a thanks that doesn’t require him looking up from his work. Lardo carries on painting her nails and Erin goes back to scrubbing her pot.

It’s quiet for a while, or as quiet as it gets with the sounds of scrubbing, Shitty humming to himself, and Ransom and Holster bickering downstairs.

“Hey,” says Erin, and Lardo is so unaccustomed to hearing her speak that she almost doesn’t look up. When she does, it’s even weirder, because Erin is like, almost smiling at her. Lardo’s pretty sure she’s never smiled at any of them before.

“Sup.”

“Thanks for that,” she says, smile actually becoming a smile.

“No thanks needed,” Lardo settles on as the easy, hausmately response. “I couldn’t even remember you’re name so like, thanks extra not needed.”

Erin shrugs. “Still.”

Lardo just about manages not to roll her eyes. She won’t stand for any kind of self-depreciating attitude like that in her Haus 2.0, and they may not have got off to the best of beginnings as hausmates but now the barrier is broken Erin is included in that. “Seriously, don’t accept me or anyone else being a dick.”

Shitty nods sagely. “Sing it.”

Erin shrugs again, turns back to her pot. “Well, thanks anyway,” she says, “especially since it was actually my turn to clean the bathroom.”

#my writing #lardo week

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sambart93 · 6 years ago

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2019.03.20 and 22 Tsuki ni Hoero, Yoru wo Kogegase-kun Yo [Review]

I was highly anticipated the sequel to a stage I saw last year -- first stage’s review is here.

Official Website here Official Twitter here Press Coverage and Video 1, 2, 3, 4

CAST and CHARACTERS

Oguri Ryo as Byakki / Byakomaru Satake Uki as Mibu Sumika Maruyama Shogo as Gedomaru (Young) Hattori Takeo as Yumemaru Yamamoto Mayu as Suzuran Kadono Sho as Kagami Saizou Hanaoka Meika as Nadeshiko (Young) Iwasaki Koji as Yagara Keiji Harigaya Saori as Kohaku Sekiya Mayu as Yukikusa Kimura Yuryou as Kumasaka Gyouki Aina as Hikime Shouji Masato as Takagai Eiji Nishimura Misaki as Tsubaki Tanaka Hiroki as Sayo / Tenkokumaru Mizuki Momoko as Nazuna Araki Miyu as Yukinashi Matsuda Misato as Fuji Oobaya Chieri as Kaki Tsubata Maruyama Raiden as Gedomaru (Old) Ogura Erika as Ayame Ishiibe Yuichi as Mibu Taigoku Takeda Tomohiro as Sunayama Ukon Ensemble: Umeda Shohei, Oda Shunpei, Uruhata Mirai, and Soga Kaoru

NON-SPOILER REVIEW

Overall: Unfortunately my gut instinct that I got before the show started, turned out to be true: This didn’t live up to past ASSH stages, and this is the first ASSH stage that I’ve been somewhat disappointed in them. This play is still very good: great acting, great characters; the stage, the costumes, the music are all beautiful; and the comedy is very good and had a lot of the audience laughing really loudly.... I was especially in love with the background of the stage this time around, and I thoroughly enjoyed the falling cherry blossom petals that we got throughout the play too. One of my favourite scenes is a ‘in the river/lake’ scene; the sound work during that scene was great. And I also loved the Ryo vs Sho fight scene too! BUT the story didn’t have anything new or surprising. I felt the character introductions were too long (it’s something we’ve seen a billion times, no need to explain who’s fighting against each other etc.), and that they were trying to fit in too many story lines -- There are like 6 or 7 storylines in this and at least 2 of them have nothing to do with one another. Upon my second rewatch, you could’ve easy cut out the 3 - 5 characters who were part of this Women’s Only Fight Club, and that would’ve made the story stronger and would’ve cut the play down by about 20 - 30 minutes (the play is 2 hours and 25 minutes!) -- which we could’ve used to develop other character’s relationships. A thing I can’t blame them for is, I went on Shonichi (the very first performance) so of course it’s not going to look or be perfect. But in the first show, their fight scenes and choreography was very slow. But luckily at the Friday night show, their movements were much more refined and the speed was up and I could really appreciate some moments. Personally, this stage would’ve flourished more if they’d either: A. cut a storyline out, OR B. cut out about 2-3 characters, OR C. cut the introductions down, in order to make it a tighter show. I’m still hoping for a third stage though but it would be nice to have Sayo/Tenkokumaru as the main this time and not as the Storyteller as he has been the past 2 times. Rating: 6/10

SPOILER REVIEW

STORY:

So we follow Gedomaru and the Young Boy around on their travels when they end up at a village where someone recognises Gedomaru. Soon, they are ambushed by a group of girls who claim that Gedo is the reason for their mother's death and that they are out to avenge them. All the while, the Young Boy is curious as to how he and his father met, so Gedo recites how. Soon enough Gedo realises that the group of girls' mothers had a part to play in that part of his history and the stories begin to entwine.

The backdrop to Gedo and Byakko's meeting is in the middle of two warring states (which are coloured Green and Orange). But in order to create peace, one side, Green, sends their daughter to be married to the other, but the other side (Orange) had other mischievous plans in mind.

COMMENTS

☆ I absolutely adored the background this time around. They made it look like the starry sky and had lots of glitter on it! It was so beautiful!

☆ I also loved what they did with the lighting! Depending on which side of the war we were on, the lights were either more green/blue, or more orange/red.

☆ The sound was great too! There is a scene where two characters are in a river and the timing of their movements with accurate water sounds were perfect! The music itself was great! Some tracks I could recall being in the first play too so it felt very familiar and nostalgic at times, especially some of the fighting and high tension(?) songs/tracks.

☆ Once again, Oguri (along with Sho this time) did the choreography for the fighting scenes! You could tell they were the more skilled ones, because the fight between them two (compared to everyone else') was so tense and so high speed and their movements were much more fluid. I really enjoyed one specific move Hiroki did too. It was when the Girl Gang attacks them and he does this move where, in order to stop/block the person behind him, the wings his sword around and behind him without even looking where his target is! And I thought it was hella cool. I also really enjoyed the choreography with the two Ninjas, they had lots of high kicks, lots of slides, lots of cartwheels etc. which I enjoyed watching (as an ex-gymnast myself).

But I will say, on the first day, all the fight scenes were very slow. You could tell it was their first performance, because there were a lot of minor slip ups, and it wasn't perfect, and it looked very, very clunky and slow. But on my second viewing (which was the 5th show), they had drastically improved and I could see how fast and how comfortable they had gotten with the fights.

☆ Of course I thoroughly enjoyed the acting! There were some moments and some characters that really stood out.

☆ BUT, and this is a big butt, I didn't really enjoy the antagonist this time around. I don't know why but I found the bad guy very 1D and very bland. I don't even have a specific reason why. But he felt very much like an after thought; it felt like he was put in at the last minute because 'damn we need a big bad guy'. I'm not sure how to describe it. But, let me tell you his arc: So he's on one side of the warring states, the Orange side, and he's very much ready to fight and battle with the other side til one of them is standing. But agrees to take their sister and 'marry her'. But as soon as she's in his hands, he holds her hostage and eventually kills her. He then starts a big battle against the other side. But when his henchmen go against him, he doesn't hesitate to kill them, even though he was having a sexual relationship with one of them. To stop him advancing, the Greens and Byakki team up and defeat him. His arc and his story takes up like 10% of the entire play. He's killed off about 30 - 40 minutes before the end (or at least felt like that) so.... I don't really understand WHY he was chosen as the 'antagonist'. This play could've very easily stood well on it's own without him. We could've cut his stage appearance out completely and just had people discussing him and it would've had the same amount of impact. Maybe I missed something but I personally didn't find him compelling or interesting. In fact, I was more interested in his daughter's story.

☆ His daughter, Sumika, has ran away and gone into hiding because she holds the power of seeing the future when she sleeps. She believes she's cursed, and because of her power, she believes she's to blame for everything bad that has happened and now she's on the run, because both her father and the Greens are trying to find and capture her (for different reasons). She finds Byakki via one of her dreams and manages to track him down; she begs Byakki to kill her. But he refuses, twice. Her journey is basically questions why she was born, why she has these powers, and finding solace in Byakki who has also been ostracised for his 'abnormality'. I loved her and Byakki's relationship! And there's a scene where the Ninjas track her down and Byakki defends her, but once he's taken too many blows, she gets in the middle of them and yells 'he's not a monster! He's a human just like us!' and it really hit me in the feels.

☆ Another character I thoroughly enjoyed was Nadeshiko. She was played by Hanaoka (and if you remember, I absolutely loved her in Zigoma!) who is just one of the funniest women I know. Her comedy and the way she delivers her comedy is always so spot on and so well done! She has the perfect balance of being cutesy-funny and then switching to a 'deep-voice' funny. She's also not afraid to make fun of herself or her fellow actors. She had some GOLD comedy moments in this.

☆ There was a cast change with Young Gedomaru... I have to admit, I was not happy the first time around. I felt like there was a complete change in his personality compared to the first version we saw of him. But then I saw how much laughter he was getting from the audience and how much the audience accepted him. Also this is set before the events of the first stage so of course he'd be a bit less mature, and more child-like and would have a more happy, positive view on things, so then I came around to this new Gedomaru and I just enjoyed his upon my second viewing. He is very funny and is another main source, besides Nadeshiko, of the audience's laughter and the comedy. He falls in love with Sumika straight away and vows to protect her. Also his stubbornness of wanting to win against Byakki so much. It's both admirable and stupid at the same time, and Byakki feels the same. But fighting against each other is what tightens and strengthens their relationship.

☆ Sumika was really cute. I loved how quiet and how pleasant she was. But she was also going through a tough time and kept it to herself which proved how strong she was. She was also determined about dying while also showing how vulnerable and scared she was which was beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed her relationship with Byakki too. BUT I really wish we'd removed a character or a storyline or two so we could've expanded other scenes and relationships like this one. I would've loved an extra 20 or so minutes with Sumika and Byakki building a relationship, because it felt very much like: They met -> he protects her in a fight or two -> crying and super sad because he has to kill her -> End. It felt very rushed and I couldn't get emotional about the scene at all! So I would've appreciated it more and would've been more invested if we'd actually spent time to develop their relationship and feelings.

ALSO! The entire show I was like: Yo is this Young Boy's mother?! Are we finally finding out who she is?! But alas, she dies in the end so we're still left wondering who tf his mother is!! Grrrrr. We better be getting a third stage to finally answer that god damn question!

☆ Also on the topic of Young Boy and Hiroki; I was so pissed he was playing the story telling again! He was barely in the stage because he was only needed when we were in the present or hoovering over some of the past scenes. COME ON! GIVE HIM THE LEAD ROLE HE DESERVES! I was disappointed we got him as the Story Teller again -__-

☆ In this we got to meet Gedomaru's older brother! Who is a priest at a temple. I loved how much obvious love he had for his brother, but also allowed his brother to grow independently and learn from his mistakes. I thoroughly adored the last scene with him where he tells Gedo that he's going back to the temple and accepts that Gedo will be going off with Byakki, and his last line is something like 'you know you can always come back to your home at the temple' which was really sweet. But now there's the mystery as to what happened to his brother, because in the present Young Boy asks 'how's your brother now?' and Gedo replies very vaguely like 'it's best if we don't meet again.' so I'm like super suspicious! What happened to his brother?! I hope he gets killed and Gedo goes on a manic revenge spree or something that Byakki has to save him from! Ohhhh that'd be good!!

☆ Towards the end of the play, we get sakura / cherry blossom petals falling down from the ceiling and oh my did it look beautiful! It was such a beautiful touch and I am so glad they added it into the stage because it's so emotionally and visually beautiful! I know it's such a simple thing and it IS used in so many stages, but every time, I can't not appreciate it!!

Now I want to get into the negatives in detail for a moment.

☆ For me this was their weakest stage so far. I've always been so impressed with their stages, and I had a feeling this one wouldn't quite hack it, and unfortunately, I was right.

☆ For me, I didn't find anything surprising or new in this stage. I am so used to ASSH taking a simple story and just having them put in such surprises that my mind is blown by the end of the story. But I feel they played it very safe in this one. There were no surprises, and nothing new. Also ASSH are known to be brutal with their killing off of characters but no one major died. No one's death was really that surprising or emotionally hurt.

I will admit that Sumika's death was impressive but that was all thanks to the actress' skills. She first gets her ear cut off and her scream during that moment is just pure gold and absolutely amazing voice and physical acting! But in terms of WHO died, there were no high stakes at all. Like ASSH have killed of WHOLE casts before!! Now that's theatre! That's drama! That's WOW! But this one was just ... safe.

☆ I also felt that even though the story was very stereotypical: two warring states/kingdoms and their daughters getting caught up in the shit shit, yet I spent we OVER-spent time introducing the war and who was on who's side. I seriously think you could've completely cut out the two leaders and just had his underlings talking about him. I felt the presence of the two big leaders were unnecessary and you could've easily just had them AS spoken characters -- I hope you understand what I mean: they could've just been talked ABOUT rather than actually getting actors and having them physically onstage.

☆ They also spent a whole scene dedicated to the three Girl Gang members and explaining their tragic past and why they joined this group. You could've cut out both of these parts.

☆ There were also too many story lines. Let me break down the groups and relationships:

Present Day:

(1) Old Gedo with Young Boy, eventually Old Nadeshiko joining. (2) Girl Gang: out for Revenge on Gedo because of what happened to their mothers.

Past Day:

(1) Orange Clan: We have the Leader who's marrying Green's girl but ultimately wanting to battle, and absolutely hates his daughter and trying to track her down thanks to his ninja henchmen. His henchmen are slowly questioning their leader's leadership, sanity and motives. (2) Green Clan: Just wants a peaceful land, sends daughter to marry Orange so they can have a peaceful, political agreement. After the daughter gets killed, they try and find Sumika for either help or entrapment. (3) Girl Gang (4) Nadeshiko and Sumika on the run and trying to find Byakki. (5) Byakumaru bumping into Gedo, becoming spar buddies and eventually friends. (6) Gedo and his brother: Out on their travels and find Byakki and won't leave until Gedo defeats Byakki. (7) Sumika and Byakki: After finding Byakki, she really wants him to kill her so her powers can stop. (8) Gedo falls for Sumika at first sight and now sees Byakki as a love and fighting rival.

As you can see... there is just too much. This stage/story would've benefited if they had either: cut 2 or 3 characters out, OR cut one story line out completely. Upon my second watch, I realised that there is literally NO POINT to the Girl Gang at all (besides gender equality and girls can fight too and being a conflict to present Gedo), so I think they should've cut them characters out completely. Also physically cutting out the two leaders and having them only in the dialogue would've saved a lot of time too.

☆ This play is 2 hours 35 minutes long. If they had cut out the parts I wanted, this could've been under 2 hours. AND if they really wanted, they could've used that extra time to actually DEVELOP relationships between the remaining characters. I have no problem giving that time to Gedo and Byakki, or Byakki and Sumika! We need their development in this story in all honesty! And thinking about it, to say Byakki is the same character, he's in it almost a little as Young Boy is! He's barely in the stage compared to some many other characters.

☆ Also I went there for Hiroki and his has the smallest part... again! He's playing the story teller... again! So of course my bias heart is sad about this! I really thought we were going to get HIS story this time around! I really thought we were going to find out who his mother was this time around! But alas, this stage was set in the past and he's just a bystander again *cries* I really hope we get a third stage and that he's main next time!

Don't get me wrong, this is still a solid play, with amazing acting and lots of great characters. Also it has a lot of charm, a lot of amazing scene and nice moments, some great lines, some very funny parts. However, this was just their weakest one for me. 'Safe' is definitely the word to describe this play. I am still hopeful and wanting a third stage! But seriously, if the next stage is not about Hiroki and his mother, I swear to god! xD Anyway, thanks for reading as usual!

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castellankurze · 6 years ago

Note

FSF: Someone (or multiple someones?) takes a bubble bath.

fanfic for Completely Normal RPG, run by @lordcaliginous. Also tagging @mystictheurge and @tamsynspeaks as per what is now standard procedure.

Takes place sometime in the month of December.

A Completely Normal Week

Monday

The motorcycle’s engine throbbed as its rider took the final turn into the driveway and slowed to a stop. Shouko dismounted and unlocked the carport before walking the bike inside, pulling her helmet and hanging it off one of the handlebars. The interior of the carport was a disaster, with her mom’s car tucked snugly up against the left side where it had accumulated a fine layer of dust while the rest of the available area was full of tools and spare parts. Some had been left behind by her father, and Shouko had added to the motley collection over the years until the back wall of the carport was hardly accessible, but it wasn’t like they ever used the decorations stored back there.

“Hi mom, I’m home,” she announced as she stepped through the front door, tossing her keys into the nearby basket with a jingle. The Kogawa household was a snug, two-story place with a pair of bedrooms and a bathroom on the upper level with everything else downstairs, and the only response to the girl’s voice was the slow churning of the ceiling fan she’d left on last night.

Once she’d stripped off her riding leathers, Shouko settled down at the table in the family room to do her homework. This consisted of a block of time lasting no more than one solid hour, subjects broken up by use of an egg timer. Over the years she’d gotten pretty good at judging how to mostly finish any given piece of homework in the time allotted, and if she was off, well, partial credit was better than none. She answered questions as fast as she drove her bike, though with considerably more guesswork. 'You could be an A-rank student if you wanted it,’ more than one of her teachers had groused at her. Shouko had come up with any number of excuses over time, but by and large as long as she maintained a D most had learned to live and let live.

At the conclusion of her hour, Shouko packed away her school stuff and left it by the door, there to be grabbed tomorrow morning. That done, she ran upstairs to change her clothes into a set of gym shorts and a plain white shirt, stuffing her earbuds in her ears before heading off to the treadmill.

Most of Shouko’s teachers had guessed at her athletic ability, but those who dismissed the girl as a slacker would have been shocked to see the utter concentration on her face as she sprinted at top speed on her mother’s treadmill, a dumbbell clutched in each hand, stopping only for the occasional drink of water. There once was a time when she would have been soaked with sweat at the end of the workout, but an hour’s run nowadays was little more than maintenance.

When all was said and done Shouko retired to her bedroom, a cavern of rebellious rock music and video game posters from both Japan and America and a battlestation that looked like something that might have been ripped from a NASA installation. Shouko spent her stipends on two things: her bike, and her computer. Lately Saika had been a third, but both longstanding habits were things that that she’d dove into headfirst until she could take apart either and put them both back together blindfolded.

“Oh great, a Genji,” someone complained almost as soon as she’d locked her Overwatch character in. "Nice match everyone, better luck next time.“ Thirty-nine kills and two deaths later Shouko wished everyone a nice day. Quickplay was so damn stupid, and on the next match she chose Roadhog just to mix it up. Someone else whined about multiple tanks and Shouko rolled her eyes. 60% of team damage taken. It wasn’t her fault nobody else could find the point.

"I’m going back to TF2,” she growled aloud, grabbing for her pack of cigs. Of late she’d taped a warning to the front in black capital letters: TWO A DAY. Miyumi always got squirrely when she lit up and Saika always winced. Since she couldn’t avoid the former and felt bad about the latter she’d been cutting down. Given her life lately, it wasn’t like she was gonna live long enough to die of cancer.

She showered and collapsed in bed, lit by the soft red glow of her electronics.

Tuesday

The motorcycle thrummed and growled as she cut the engine and stowed it.

“Hi mom, I’m home.” The keys jingled as they landed in the basket.

An hour for homework. She finished all of it this time.

Today was arm day, and Shouko spent her workout hour doing curls and lifts while Netflix ran some anime she barely payed attention to.

“Hey Eowyn,” someone said as soon as she logged into FFXIV. "Can you craft me a thing?“

"Sure.”

Ten mintues later. "hey are you up for a Castrum Abania run"

“Patch is in like three weeks,” she said with a bit of a sigh in meatspace.

“ya but I really want that sword for glamour plate its ok if you dont wanna go”

“It’s fine I can blow it up with you.”

“thx youre the best blm”

“Hey, Eowyn.” She blinked. That last one had been a whisper instead of guild chat.

“What’s up?”

“I just wanted to say, you don’t seem yourself lately,” her guildmaster said. "Just wanted to check and make sure you’re alright.“

"Yeah I’m good. Just been super busy with all the schoolwork lately.”

“I know the feeling. Are you gonna be full-time again in January?”

Shouko frowned. "I’ll try.“

"Just take care of yourself. Game comes after real life.”

“:) I will.”

She showered and slept a little fitfully that night.

Wednesday

A series of whispers alerted her to the attention of several classmates glancing her way. "Hey, Shouko, can you…“ one of them asked with a blush, curling one arm.

With a grin, she pulled up her sleeve and flexed, to a flutter of giggles. Shouko was never gonna be as strong as Erika, but her daily regimen was having noticeable effects, like leaving her look cut as hell. She was probably down to 15% body fat by now, looking lean and mean.

"Hey, Shouko?” Saika asked at the end of the day. "Would you like to do something Saturday?“

"Sure,” she said, hefting her bike helmet and making sure Saika clipped the spare’s chinstrap in place. "What did you have in mind?“

"Nothing much, just…dinner somewhere?”

Shouko turned the ignition and revved the throttle. "Sounds great.“

After she dropped Saika off she made for the gym, where she could get the type of workout that wasn’t so easy at home. Balance beam, rings, parallel bars - it all came back as easily as breathing. Shouko could spin rings around any of the other girls there. When she wanted to, she could sprint down the balance beam and leap to the vault and from there catch herself on the rings in a split-second one-two-three move that sometimes provoked gasps from newbies.

As little as three years ago, Shouko had been doing this kind of thing pretty much daily. She wondered, sometimes, what her old teammates were up to these days. She didn’t wonder enough to come in on any day but Wednesday, thought sometimes it was extremely tempting to show up jsut to show the lot of them what she could pull off nowadays. She’d never been a Simone Biles, and probably never would be - in fact now that it crossed her mind she wondered if Simone had had an awakening of her own? - but she could have thrashed the regionals nowadays. Funny how things worked out.

She swam a few laps in the pool to cool down and showered before heading home.

"Hi mom.” Jingle.

An hour for homework.

She played a little Mortal Kombat and crushed some jackass who made fun of her tag.

Thursday

The Honda thrummed as she pulled into the drive.

“Hi mom.” Jingle.

Her phone buzzed while she was doing her homework and she didn’t bother looking up until she was done.

“Hi Shouko, they asked me to visit our office in Melbourne while I’m down here, so I’ll be hopping a plane tomorrow. I’ll be a few more days. Have my phone if you need me. Love you!” read her mom’s text.

Shouko stared at it for a minute and texted back “k lu2

Her feet slapped hard against the treadmill. She needed to replace the damn thing when nobody was looking. She was getting to the point where she really needed a higher top speed.

Her Star Wars RPG group canceled again, so instead of playing her Jedi she just spent some more time in CoD blowing holes in people while Fullmetal Alchemist played in the background.

“How are you even watching that,” someone complained in voice chat at one point.

“Listen,” she growled around a cigarette, “don’t hate because Olivier Mira Armstrong has my back.”

He responded with an insinuation that technically wasn’t wrong, but still got him blown to smithereens several times before he finally ragequit.

Shouko stayed up until almost three in the morning before she slumped into bed.

Friday

“A 99. Excellent as always, Ms. Aratani,” the teacher said as she handed out papers. Shouko could see the way Miyumi’s lip trembled as she took the proffered test like it was about to bite her hand off.

“87. Good step up, Shouko,” the teacher said when she reached her.

“Thanks,” she said as she took the paper.

“I mean it,” the woman said, leaning closer. "When you put your mind to a subject you really show your potential.“

Shouko was silent as the teacher moved on. "Thanks,” she grumbled under her breath. The paper crinkled as her hand crushed it.

“Um…excuse me, Kogawa?” the voice caught her as she was walking to her bike.

“Yo?” she said, turning with a blink of her eyes to see a semi-familiar face. One of the girls who’d been looking at her the other day.

“Do you mind if I ask you for a piece of advice?”

Shouko blinked again. "Uh?“

"It’s just…you and Saika…” The girl was blushing hard. "How did you. Um?“

Shouko couldn’t help a chuckle, and she pulled out her customary after-school cig and lit it with a snap of flame from her dagger. The girl didn’t even double-take. Normal people saw what they expected to see. Shouko didn’t even bother carrying her lighter anymore. "Look. You want my advice? Just go talk to her,” she said as she straddled her bike and pulled out her favorite wraparound shades. "Life’s too fucking short and we gotta make time with the people we got before we get left in the dust, you know what I mean?“

"Um…I guess?” the other girl said, rubbing her cheek.

“Trust me. Jump on it,” she said before she revved the throttle.

“Hi mom.” Jingle.

She did her homework so fast her handwriting looked like the fevered sprinting of a deranged chicken.

Her fingertips ached with so many push-ups.

She ended up mostly just browsing the net that night and went to bed.

Saturday

She came out of the bathroom that morning to the sound of her phone buzzing insistently.

“Saika?!” she asked sharply, heart racing.

In the little mirror on the opposite wall, she could see the way her own face dropped.

“Oh. Hi dad.”

She did the math. It was eight in Hitachinaka, which meant it was ten in Ontario. PM.

“It’s super late. You should get some sleep. The plant won’t want their engineer showing up super tired. No, not her, I haven’t seen her in months. Saika’s nice. Yeah, bike’s running great. School’s fine. Mom’s in Australia now, they called her down from Jakarta. I’m fine. Dad, I dropped gymnastics like two years ago. Yeah, tell Karen I said hi. Maybe in a year. Yeah. Bye. …love you too.”She threw the phone against the pillow and did her daily run outdoors. It was cold as hell and overcast besides, but sweatpants and a sweatshirt were all she needed with the way her heart was pumping.

She was gone two hours. When she got back she had a missed call and another text. Saika.

“Hi Shouko, I’m sorry but I don’t think I can go out tonight. I think I must have eaten something bad. x.X I feel like crap. Call me when you can.”

“Want me to bring over some soup?” she asked when the phone picked up.

“No,” said a mewling voice. "I just want to curl up under ten blankets.“

"I’m sorry,” Shouko said.

“No, I’m sorry. I don’t want to leave you hanging. Promise we’ll make it up, k?”

“You know it. Get some rest. L- …later.”

She looked at herself in the mirror.

The flame daggers hissed as they glanced off Shizuka’s katana. Shouko was fast, but the Eventide rep was more experienced and fast as hell for her own part. The open field was about the only place where the pair of them - any of the girls - could really throw down and get a workout in the most important manner. Dojo masters tended to take it bad if you blew up a wall.

“Your concentration is bad today,” Shizuka observed when they finally broke in the late afternoon.

“Yeah. Hey, Shizuka, got a question for you,” she said around the butt of a cigarette. Typical for her, Shizuka didn’t reply verbally, but only raised an eyebrow. “You ever heard of anyone who stayed friends if one went Eventide and one went Radiant?”

Shizuka glowered.

“Didn’t think so."

The Honda chugged as she parked it in one of the narrow bike-only, and she didn’t bother taking off her leathers since it wasn’t like she was going mallratting. She stopped off at the pharmacy and bought some soda, some beer, some chocolate, and some soap.

"Rough day?” the attendant asked in a sympathetic tone. She barely even glanced at Shouko’s ID.

“Uh huh,” she confirmed. In the parking lot, she slid the candy bar she’d palmed out of her jacket sleeve and munched it.

Once home, she dumped the soap in the tub and ran hot water until the foam threatened to spill over. Then she lit a cigarette and slipped in, groaning slightly as it almost scalded her. She let her phone play American synthwave until the battery ran low and the water was cold and she was prune-fingered.

She looked at the battlestation and threw herself into bed, wrapped around her spare pillow. The wind blew hard that night.

Sunday

Two hours for homework instead of one. Weekends.

There was no meeting of the study group this week and so the day was uneventful, except for one instant when she was flipping channels and there was a news report on the ongoing decommissioning of Fukushima which caused her to mash the power button. Natural disasters were not something she wanted to think about right now.

She ordered pizza and spent the evening playing Brutal Doom and listening to Rage Against the Machine.

Tomorrow was a brand new week.

#kurze writes #asked and answered #fanservice friday #Shouko #completely normal RPG #:)#starcunning

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daniactuallysnuffledthatpopcorn · 6 years ago

Text

Once Upon a Time

Summary: A retelling of Cinderella; an unapologetic fairytale.

Rating: Gen

Word Count: 2.1K

[A/N] Written for the Phandom Writing Challenge 1: the Anti-Trope Challenge. Beta’d by the amazing Jasmine.

Dan barely remembered his mother. She had passed away when Dan was barely six years old, and his father had remarried so quickly that he had completely grown into his new situation. His stepmother brought two children with her: a son and a daughter. Although Dan had tried to befriend them at first, he had soon retired his efforts when he realised that they were not at all interested in being nice to their new, young stepbrother. It had taken years for him to understand why they were so hellbent on picking on him: they were jealous. Jealous of his curls and his dimples and his laugh that made everyone around him smile with him. And it wasn’t just Mark and Erica, his stepmother seemed jealous too. Every other day she came home with presents for everyone but Dan, dressing her children in expensive clothes and putting shiny bracelets around their wrists, while leaving Dan with their hand-me-downs.

Dan’s father died, four years after his remarriage. Dan abruptly gave up complaining about the situation. Now that the only person who seemed to care about him was gone, he was forced to resign his campaign. He grew quieter with every passing year, simply waiting it out until he would be old enough to move far away and start anew for himself.

One day, when Dan was sixteen, spending his days doing chores and being silent, Erika came dancing into their main room. She was holding a beige envelope, and from the corner of his eye Dan could see the red royal mark, stamped on the front. “Mum, Mark, come in here!” She tossed the envelope on their futon and waved a letter at her family. “The prince is looking for a partner. He is holding a royal dance for the most beautiful people in the country to choose from. And we’ve got an invitation.”

“Who is ‘we’?” Mark asked.

Erika waved her hand dismissively, “You and me, of course.”

Dan, who had been paying close attention from the corner of the room before, sighed and returned his attention to the ironing board.

The peace and quiet returned as his stepmother and stepsiblings left to go buy outfits in town. They left the letter on the table, unattended, and Dan couldn’t contain his curiosity. After a quick glance out the window to make sure he really was alone he picked up the piece of paper and read it. At the bottom, in chic and loopy handwriting, were the names of Mark, Erica, and himself. He was on the list. He stood frozen in place for a moment as he thought over his options. Of which there weren’t many, admittedly.

When his family came home he was immediately set to work, sewing sleeves just a bit tighter to show off Mark’s biceps, embroidering flowers onto Erika’s dress, and attaching feathers to his stepmother’s hat. And as they were all sat in the main room of the house, Dan did something he hadn’t done in a very long time: he spoke up. “I was invited too.” It was quiet, but not inaudible. Three pairs of eyes focused on him, confirmation that they had all heard him loud and clear.

“Excuse me?” His stepmother raised her eyebrows almost mockingly.

“My name. It’s on the invitation.”

Erica rolled her eyes, “Probably a mistake. Focus on your sewing, it’s crooked over there.”

“They wouldn’t let you in. Could you imagine? You look like a scarecrow with a bird’s nest on your head.”

They all laughed. A loud cackling that filled Dan’s ears, ensuring he would shut up and never bring it up again. He sewed in silence.

On the day of the ball the household was up in arms from the moment they woke up. Dan was busy making last minute amendments to clothes, while Mark and Erika perfected their own and each other’s hairdos and makeup. Their mother was circling around them, perfecting her children’s looks, before going back to her own styling. She insisted on going to ‘make sure all went well’, but Dan knew she secretly hoped the prince’s eye would fall on her. As if an eighteen-year old royal would fall for an angry-looking middle-aged woman. He said nothing.

When they all got in the horse-drawn carriage, Dan was left alone in the cold house. The street was deserted and the other houses around them dark. Everyone was at the ball tonight. Dan retreated to the kitchen, where he knelt next to the small fireplace, crying as he tried to warm himself up. He was trembling, holding his hands over the small flames of a fire no bigger than his hand. Salty tears streaked his cheeks and dropped down into the ashes, shaping into grey steam as they made contact. Suddenly, the tiny wafts of steam started mingling, forming an ever-growing cloud that rose above the fireplace and made Dan fall back onto his butt, crawling away. The cloud started sparkling, becoming a shiny silver rather than grey, and eventually mixing in all the colours of the rainbow until it disappeared and a small old woman appeared in its place.

Dan was dumbfounded, staring with open mouth at the lady with her soft white hair tied back in a bun and her wrinkly but open face. “Don’t cry, sweetheart.” She said, approaching carefully, “I am a fairy and I will make sure you can go to the ball. We’re short on time, so quickly, go to the basement and catch four mice. Then meet me in the garden.”

After being used to following commands pretty much all his life even in his baffled state Dan managed to get to his feet and obey the request. He ran down to the basement and collected four mice in the pockets of his apron.

When he brought them to the woman in the garden, she took them and gave his next order, “Find me two lizards and pick a pumpkin.”

Again, Dan went off to follow the instructions. Catching lizards in a garden proved much harder than catching mice in an enclosed basement, but he still managed, holding the slippery animals tightly as he hurried back to the fairy woman. “Excellent.” She exclaimed, taking these from him, too.

She put all the items on the ground, where for some reason they all stayed in place and made no attempt to escape. With a wave of a thin wooden stick the pumpkin and mice grew first, shaping into a beautiful white carriage and four grey horses with glittering white manes. Dan couldn’t believe his eyes, stepping closer to touch on of the horses, just to make sure it was real.

While he stood there and examined the animals, the fairy waved her wand over the lizards, and out grew two footmen dressed in chic red velvet dress coats and high white boots. They curtsied to Dan, a boy in shabby clothes with dust in his hair from retrieving boxes of jewellery from the attic that morning.

“There, all ready to take you to the best night of your life.” The lady said contently.

“But I can’t go looking like this. They would kick me out.”

“Gosh, I almost forgot. How silly of me.” She stepped closer, and gently tapped his forehead with the wand, sending cool shivers up his spine. When he looked down at himself, he saw a beautiful golden suit, stitched with silver thread, and a pair of shimmering grey dress shoes on his feet.

“It’s beautiful.” He exclaimed breathlessly.

“Now go, and have an amazing evening.” The fairy said, “But remember that you need to be out of the palace by midnight, as my magic loses its power then and all will return to how it was before.”

“I can’t thank you enough for this.” Dan said.

“You don’t need to. Now go.” With a tap of the wand to her own forehead, the lady disappeared.

One of the footmen opened the door of the carriage and Dan stepped inside, sitting down onto the soft red futon.

The palace lit up brightly in the distance and as they approached Dan could make out the candles and lights decorating the imposing building. Outside, servants were taking coats and directing carriages. They curtsied for Dan as he entered through the gates into the ballroom.

The moment his feet touched the wooden floor the orchestra on stage stopped playing and the people stopped dancing. All eyes turned to the new entrant and his radiating looks. The crowd split, forming a path to Prince Philip who was already making his way over.

“May I have this dance?” He offered Dan his hand, and Dan gracefully accepted.

The prince’s first dance was for Dan. So was his second. And his third.

The people around them were murmuring to each other, speculating about the identity of this beautiful boy who had captured the full attention of their royal. In a corner of the room were Mark, Erica and their mother, pouting and complaining. “He should give others a chance. This is so unfair.”

But Dan and Philip had no eye for anyone else. They danced all night and Dan had never felt happier, spinning around light as a feather in the prince’s arms thinking of nothing but him.

Until the clock struck twelve. Dan was roughly awakened from his haze and pulled away from Philip. “I have to go.” He said, and turned around. On the seventh beat of the clock he was out of the palace, tripping down the stairs and losing a shoe along the way. He had no time to come back for it, disappearing into the night.

Prince Philip was left by the gates. “I don’t even know your name!” He shouted into the darkness. Just as he was about to give up and go back inside he noticed the shoe on one of the steps in front of him. He quickly made his way down and picked it up, turning it over in his hands.

As he ran home, Dan’s clothes changed back into his cotton trousers and shirt, but his one shoe remained the same. He took it off and stuffed it in the pocket of his apron. He reached home barefoot and cold, going straight to the kitchen where he curled up in spot by the fireplace and cried himself to sleep.

Mark, Erica, and their mother woke Dan up with their shouting upon returning to the house, but he didn’t stir, pretending to still be asleep. He could hear them complaining in the next room about how if Dan had just ironed Erica’s dress better or made the buttons on Mark’s suit shinier, the prince would have chosen one of them. Their mother was trying her best to console them, “He still might choose one of you. After all, that mysterious prince disappeared. Who knows if he’ll come back.”

Prince Philip, however, did not seem keen to let it go. The day after the ball the country was plastered with posters, advocating that whoever fit the Silver Shoe, Philip would marry. In an attempt to stay positive Erica proclaimed, “It says ‘whoever’ and doesn’t specify a gender. If it fits me, he’ll have to marry me.”

They waited impatiently for the royal servants to reach their house and offer them the shoe to try on. Dan watched from behind the ironing board as his stepsiblings eagerly grabbed the shoe from a servant’s hands and fought over who could try it on first.

Erica won, sitting down on the futon and shoving her foot into the dress shoe. It was too big, falling off her the moment she lifted her leg. “Wait, let me try again.” She begged as the servant handed the shoe to Mark.

“It clearly does not fit, miss.”

Mark’s foot was too big. He couldn’t even get his heel in there no matter how much he struggled.

“That’s quite enough, sir. You might break it with this aggression.”

The servants turned to Dan, but his stepmother intervened, “He’s just the help. He’s nobody.”

“The prince wants everyone to try it on. That includes him.” He insisted.

Dan avoided everyone’s gazes as he took the shoe and put it on. It fit perfectly, of course. The moment the servants realised this, they all took a knee. “Sir.”

“He didn’t even go to the ball.” Erica shouted. She was pulling on her hair in pure frustration.

“I can’t afford a wedding suit,” Dan said softly, but I do have a pair of shoes.” He pulled the matching silver shoe out of the pocket of his apron and put it on.

“The prince’s fiancé has been found.” They guided him outside, leaving Erica, Mark, and their mother dumbfounded. Erica was screaming something as Dan entered the royal purple carriage, but no one was listening anymore.

That same day Philip bought his groom-to-be a satin suit with a line of diamonds on either shoulder.

The next day, Dan married his prince.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #phanficchallenge #cinderella #a cinderella story #phanfichallenge

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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The Best Horror Movies of 2020

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2020 has been a tough year for cinema with theaters forced to close and release dates delayed. It’s a real rough break for filmmakers whose work was due to get a wide theatrical release and instead launched on PVOD or streaming services.

A double shame for horror since 2020 has been an excellent year for the genre in terms of quality, including a handful of exceptional debut films that in any other year would have been lauded in the same way as Hereditary, It Follows or The Babadook.

Den of Geek staff and contributors voted on their favorite horror movies of 2020 to produce this list – each is a gem worth seeking out.

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10. The Mortuary Collection

The problem with most horror anthology movies is there’s usually at least one segment that pales in comparison to the others, which tends to dampen your enjoyment of the whole thing somewhat, but The Mortuary Collection truly avoids suffering from the same malady.

In this debut feature from writer-director Ryan Spindell, beloved Highlander and Carnivale star Clancy Brown plays an eccentric mortician called Montgomery Dark who encounters a pretty young drifter looking for work. As Dark guides her through the strange inner workings of his mortuary, he decides to recount several unique and grisly tales that have all culminated in the need for his post-mortem services. Of course, all is not what it seems.

The Mortuary Collection immediately caught the eye of genre vet Sam Raimi, who poached Spindell for this year’s 50 States of Fright series over on the now-defunct Quibi streaming service, and it’s easy to see why: these macabre tales are all immaculately created to give horror fans the best anthology experience they’ll have had in years. – KH

9. The Wolf of Snow Hollow

Some might say that there’s only so much you can do with werewolf movies these days. Someone gets bitten, they get cursed, they’re doomed to kill innocents, and they’re mercifully done in by someone they love. Roll the credits. But Jim Cummings’ The Wolf of Snow Hollow breaks from that formula effectively while still remaining true to the spirit of the genre.

Cummings, who wrote and directed the film, also stars as a cop in a ski town overrun with a rash of brutal murders. A recovering alcoholic with anger issues, Cummings’ John Marshall is the son of the town’s ailing sheriff (the wonderfully warm Robert Forster in his final role), and John finds himself trying to come to terms with the fact that there may or may not be a werewolf in their midst.

The film’s oddball approach and deadpan humor can be a little jarring, especially when contrasted with the truly grisly aftermath of the werewolf attacks. But The Wolf of Snow Hollow paints such a sympathetic picture of its characters, and effectively builds its tension through them rather than an over-reliance on werewolf tropes, that it’s a must for anyone who needs a little more lycanthropy in their life. – MC

8. Freaky

The Friday the 13th franchise has been dormant for more than a decade. Which is just fine if we can get movies like Freaky, the best horror slasher we’ve ever seen set on that date. Stuffed with loving homages to both the Jason Voorhees franchise, as well as Disney’s own classic Freaky Friday brand, Christopher Landon’s Freaky is a wild genre mashup every bit as whacky as his previous Blumhouse high concept, Happy Death Day. Except just so, so much gorier.

Filled with slapstick kills and splatter, the movie’s real life blood comes from the dual performances by Vince Vaughn as the Blissfield Butcher and Kathryn Newton as Millie, the shy teenager he accidentally swaps bodies with. Both actors have a lot of fun playing very against type, but Vaughn’s commitment to depicting a neurotic teenage girl is especially satisfying because he so earnestly leans into it. A winking throwback with teeth, it gives new meaning to the phrase ‘gut-buster’. – DC

7. Synchronic

Synchronic is the fourth feature film from the directing/writing/producing (and sometimes acting) team of Aaron Moorhead and Justin Benson. It’s also their most ambitious yet in terms of the scope, genre, and the pair’s working with bankable Hollywood names.

Anthony Mackie stars as Steve, a single, alcoholic New Orleans paramedic who learns he has six weeks to live just as he and his partner Dennis (Jamie Dornan) respond to a series of bizarre deaths linked to a new designer drug called Synchronic. Where Synchronic comes from, what it does, and how it affects these friends propel them on a reality-shattering journey.

The two chief aspects of Synchronic that make it work so well are the overall correctness of the story at hand and the compassion that flows throughout the tale and its characters. Moorhead and Benson have addressed the themes of addiction and time in all three of their previous features, but here they mesh them together seamlessly. In some ways, the eerie Synchronic is a transitional film for Moorhead and Benson: working with Hollywood talent and more resources than they’ve had before, it may also be their most easily accessible and mainstream film to date. – DK

6. The Lodge

As a movie that’s been unfairly overlooked, even before the pandemic, Severin Fiala and Veronika Franz’s The Lodge is one of 2020’s hidden gems. The follow-up to the directors’ Goodnight Mommy, The Lodge is the rare horror movie where you don’t know where it’s going, and if you can trust anything or anyone you see.

The film works as both generational conflict between stepmother-to-be Grace (Riley Keough) and the new children in her life (Jaeden Martell and Lia McHugh), and as something of a ghost story. Once they’re snowed into a cabin, and one strange disaster follows another, the gnawing realization grows that more than one party could be unwell, and that nightmares from the past walk among them. The cataclysmic ending is rhapsodic in its despair. – DC

5. Relic

This very personal story about three generations of women is the debut of Australia-Japanese filmmaker Natalie Erika James. It’s story about dementia turned into a supernatural body horror and haunted house movie with a very distinct visual style.

Emily Mortimer stars as Kay, a woman returning to her childhood home with her daughter Sam (Bella Heathcote) when her mother Edna (Robyn Nevin) goes missing for several days and can’t recall where she was. Edna flips between indignant independence and vulnerable confusion – the true horror of the film is in the idea of watching someone you love lose their sense of self. However this is very much a horror and not just a drama and the third act takes us into very dark territory turning the house into a labyrinth and dazzling us with some deeply unsettling imagery.

Relic is compassionate and very female horror which has things in common with The Babadook, not least the emphasis on production design – it’s a gorgeous looking movie peppered with horrific moments, with a shocking but tender conclusion. – RF

4. Host

The defining movie of 2020 is a horror that runs under an hour set entirely during a Zoom chat. This feature debut from Brit director Rob Savage is absolutely one for the archives. Made in just 12 weeks from inception to its Shudder release, starring actor friends of Savage who were already close mates, Host follows a group of pals who undertake a seance via Zoom. As hokey as that might sound, the film really isn’t. In fact it’s very scary and employs some ambitious stunt work, though the heart of the movie is in the performances. Semi-improvised and extremely naturalistic, the group already has a shorthand in place so that bits of backstory can be drip fed or implied without exposition. These are people you’d want to hang out with.

A lockdown movie (rather than a pandemic movie) of the moment, details like face masks and elbow touches make this the epitome of 2020 in film form. Savage and writers Jed Shepherd and Gemma Hurley have already inked a multi-picture deal with Blumhouse and production on their next project has already begun. A rare and well deserved good news story for the year. – RF

3. His House

Ghost stories can be scary. More often though they’re thrilling; a bit of escapist camp about what goes bump in the night. Not so in Remi Weekes’ directorial debut, His House. There is a supernatural presence in the dilapidated public housing that refugees Bol and Rial Major (Sope Dirisu and Wunmi Mosaku) are crammed into. But long before the ghosts go bump, the terror of the refugee trail between Sudan and the United Kingdom is made manifest.

Technically Bol and Rial are two of the lucky ones, a pair of Sudanese survivors who crossed the Mediterranean by boat. Yet memories linger. As does the cruelty and judgment of a strange land that begrudgingly welcomes them, but also threatens to deport them if there are any complaints about their home—and there are. How can there not be when the ghosts they left behind whisper between their floorboards?

It’s a somber parable that couches real world nightmares into a genre one, teasing out that the greatest horror doesn’t need spirits to be haunting. – DC

2. Saint Maud

One of the best films of the year of any genre is this feature debut from Brit director Rose Glass. In it, newly pious young palliative care nurse Maud (Morfydd Clark), comes to believe saving the soul of her dying patient Amanda (Jennifer Ehle) is her divine calling. Set against the faded glamour and squalor of a seaside town Saint Maud is social realism through a religio-horror lens, with some truly terrifying images, not least the utter gut punch of the final shot which will leave you reeling.

This is an extraordinarily confident debut which explores the disconnects between the mind, body and soul. Ehle is terrific as the glamorous former dancer whose body is letting her down in illness, but this is Clark’s movie. Buttoned up and prim, with a fierce temper underneath, Maud believes she is on a mission from a God who talks directly to her, but glimpses of her past suggest something more troubling is going on.

Part body horror, part possession movie, part psychological thriller and part mental health drama, Saint Maud is beautiful, scary and sad and puts Glass on the map as one of the most exciting filmmakers to watch going forward. – RF

1. The Invisible Man

It’s been more than 70 years since the original cycle of Universal Monsters ended. And it feels like almost as long since Universal Pictures first began attempting to reimagine the creatures. The last decade alone saw three false starts at reboots. But that all changed with The Invisible Man. Writer-director Leigh Whannell, alongside producer Jason Blum, had the novel idea to lean into the horrific aspect of H.G. Wells’ original 1897 text, and in so doing make it terrifying for a new age.

By reworking that novel’s concept, as well as James Whale’s 1933 classic, the film pivots from following a mad scientist turned invisible to instead focusing on the woman he wants to possess. In the process, the dread of staring into the film’s deep focus corners and margins becomes overwhelming, and the concept lends itself eerily to our post-#MeToo moment.

Elisabeth Moss is devastating as protagonist Cecilia Kass, who begins the movie escaping her tech CEO boyfriend (Oliver Jackson-Cohen) by the skin of her teeth. She then must look over shoulder the rest of the film. Experiencing as much a reimagining of Gaslight as The Invisible Man, Cecilia knows she’s being stalked by her supposedly dead ex, and when no one will believe her, she’s left to take extreme measures to finally break free. It’s a harrowing showcase for Moss, and a brilliant cover of an old standard.

It revives centuries-old nightmares and finds they look exactly like our modern demons. – DC

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cutsliceddiced · 4 years ago

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New top story from Time: A New Wave of Horror Films About Women’s Deepest Anxieties Is Perfect Viewing for Our Summer of Discontent

Even if most horror movies, until fairly recently, have been made by men, women are still central to their impact and meaning. What would King Kong have been without his tiny captive inamorata Fay Wray, or Frankenstein without Elsa Lanchester, his bewigged, wild-eyed bride? Sometimes women represent fragility and innocence in horror movies, symbols of purity worth saving; other times they’re sympathetic companions or spokespeople for misunderstood monsters.

But their allure goes further and deeper than that—especially when it’s women who are doing the looking. Today, the term “the male gaze” is thrown around more loosely than its originator, filmmaker and film theorist Laura Mulvey, intended. Even when there’s a man behind the camera, the lens doesn’t always simply cater to man’s desires. Women love watching other women; we identify, we admire, and sometimes we feel a frisson (or more) of desire. Other times we recoil, though that may only intensify our fascination. So what happens when women filmmakers take control of the horror genre themselves?

Women filmmakers have been making horror movies since, well, the beginning of movies—Alice Guy-Blaché and Lois Weber contributed to the genre early on. But what’s notable now is the growing number of women filmmakers who are exploring expectations and anxieties specific to womanhood, as well as the mysteries of female erotic power. In the past two months alone we’ve seen a raft of horror movies made by women—Natalie Erika James’ Relic, Romola Garai’s Amulet, Josephine Decker’s Shirley and Amy Seimetz’s She Dies Tomorrow—that are keyed in to women’s experiences in canny, unnerving ways. To define all of these films as horror, in the classic sense of the word, is admittedly a slight stretch: some are more strictly psychological than supernatural, less studies of things that go bump in the night than maps of the turmoil in our heads. But even that is a reflection of what horror, seen through women’s eyes, can mean: the things that scare women the most are already inside them. For years, male filmmakers have been concocting outlandish scenarios for us, while we’ve been storing up material for centuries.

Rob Baker AshtonImelda Staunton and carla Juri in ‘Amulet’

Horror movies made by women and specifically addressing women’s anxieties or hyperreal strengths aren’t new—Karyn Kusuma’s Jennifer’s Body (2009), Ana Lily Amirpour’s A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014) and Jennifer Kent’s The Babadook (also 2014) are just three noteworthy examples from the past decade or so—though it’s still surprising there haven’t been more of them. No one could have foreseen that the summer of 2020, a mini-epoch during which many of us have been confined largely to our homes, unable to socialize in the usual ways and freer than usual to nurture our own personal neuroses, would provide the perfect soil and weather conditions for a new wave of horror movies made by women to flower so fully. Some of the current crop are more effective than others, but all share one trait: They’re about vulnerability but not necessarily victimization. Most of the women in these movies aren’t heroic in the superhero sense, but they’re also not the girl who needs to be saved.

Amulet, the directorial debut from actor Romola Garai (who also wrote the script), may be the most technically ambitious of these films, and through the first two-thirds, at least, it’s jaggedly compelling. An ex-soldier from Eastern Europe, Tomas (Alec Secareanu), has taken refuge in London, working odd jobs and sleeping in a flophouse. A nun with a seemingly generous spirit (Imelda Staunton) finds a place for him to live, in a decrepit house inhabited by a young woman, Magda (Carla Juri). Magda’s ailing mother is kept locked in an upstairs room—it’s dutiful Magda’s job to tend to her day and night, and the responsibility is wearing her down.

Garai layers the plot with so many feverish ideas and images that you wonder how, in the end, it’s going to come together. There’s a woman who can’t escape horrific memories of wartime rape. And Tomas, who seems to have fallen under the spell of a strange little goddess statue he’s dug out of the earth, needs to come to terms with his inflated view of himself as a protector of women, when his own interests are clearly all that matter. For him, the house itself appears to be a moist, sticky trap: It’s at first a place he doesn’t want to be, though it soon becomes one he can’t leave. Magda, meanwhile, appears to be the trapped innocent, the woman who needs saving; she’s also a fabulous cook—but what, exactly, is she serving up? Garai has some grim fun with notions of what men expect women to be vs. who they really are. The movie is marred by a confusing coda that only muddies its already too-vague ending, but it does feature one enduring image: a squirmy, newborn bat-looking thing that emerges from a womb with all its teeth. If that’s not a childbirth-anxiety metaphor, I’m not sure what is.

Sometimes the scariest things we give birth to aren’t, at least literally, living things. In Shirley, directed by Josephine Decker and based on a novel by Susan Scarff Merrell, Elisabeth Moss plays a fictionalized version of Shirley Jackson, the author of one of the most elegantly chilling ghost novels of the 20th century, The Haunting of Hillhouse, as well as the “The Lottery,” a whoppingly effective short story that was for years a nightmare-inducing staple of junior-high literature classes. In Shirley, Moss’ Jackson is the wife of a seemingly jovial Bennington academic (Michael Stuhlbarg) who actually exerts brutish control over her. He invites two young newlyweds, Rose and Fred (Odessa Young and Logan Lerman) to move into their comfortably ramshackle Vermont home, but really, he’s just looking for cheap labor: Shirley, neurotic almost to the point of being incapacitated, is incapable not just of keeping house but of performing basic tasks, like getting dressed for the day.

Shirley is controlling and manipulative in her own way, but she’s also deeply charismatic. She has a knowledge of witchcraft and folklore, and an affinity for the Tarot. But most of all, she’s blazingly intelligent, and Rose, who has had to put her own studies on hold with the birth of her first child, is drawn to her. Shirley’s lack of suitability for the real world—she’s treated as an oddity and a pariah by her husband’s university friends—means she lives in a world of her own, one in which she drinks too much and stays in bed too long, unable to move and, worse, unable to write. When she confronts a blank page, she’s really staring down a demon. She’s so difficult, in her husband’s eyes, that he’s taken up with the ostensibly more attractive wife of a fellow academic—so her sexual power has been diminished too. Shirley isn’t a horror movie in the conventional sense, but it’s a picture that stirs up the murk of so many women’s fears: If I can’t create something of worth, does that mean I too am worthless? If I have a child, what part of myself do I lose—and how do I ever get it back? This movie has a strange, heady earthiness, like an alluring perfume sourced from an enchanted, and somewhat treacherous, forest.

If the season’s most memorable horror movies have been made by women, that’s not to say men aren’t capable or interested in shaping horror scenarios from a woman’s point of view. In Leigh Wannell’s The Invisible Man, released in February, Moss played a woman stalked by the controlling boyfriend—cloaked by an invisibility suit—she’d thought dead. And Janelle Monáe stars in Gerard Bush and Christopher Renz’s upcoming Antebellum, playing a successful modern-day writer who suddenly finds herself living a very different life, in what looks like the pre-Civil War south. Never underestimate the power of the sympathetic imagination, and remember that women are free to explore the dimensions of men’s inner lives, too.

But even though men must feel just as much stress as women do when it comes to doing right by an elderly parent, I’m not sure a man could have made Relic. Emily Mortimer and Bella Heathcote play Kay and Sam, a mother and daughter who drive out to Kay’s mother’s house, way out in the country, when they learn that she hasn’t been seen for days. They let themselves in and poke around her things, tidying up and taking stock of all the placemarkers we use to track exactly where our parents are at as they age. There’s some shriveled fruit stacked in a bowl; little Post-It reminders (“Turn off the stove,” “Switch off the light”) abound, most of them exactly the sort of thing that a person whose memory is failing might write to herself. But among them is one that reads, “Don’t follow it”—a suggestion that she’s being stalked by something, as opposed to someone.

The next morning, Kay’s mother—and Sam’s grandmother—appears in the kitchen, as if she had never gone missing. But something is clearly wrong. Edna, played by Australian actor Robyn Nevin, is herself—yet not herself. One minute her eyes are dancing with warmth; the next they’ve gone cold, as if her own family members have suddenly become hostile strangers. She gives Sam, who’s always adored her, a ring, only to later angrily accuse her of stealing it. Kay, who’s filled with mostly unspecified guilt—does a daughter’s guilt ever have to be specified?—recognizes that she hasn’t been in touch with her mother as often as she should have been. She also thinks it’s time she found a safer place for Edna to live. She visits a nursing home, where the manager says with businesslike cheerfulness, “Think of it as independent living with the edges taken off.” It’s the most chilling line in the movie.

Courtesy of IFC MidnightEmily Mortimer in ‘Relic’

Director Natalie Erika James—who co-wrote the script with Christian White—uses horror-palette colors to explore tensions endemic to mothers and daughters, both between Edna and Kay and between Kay and Sam. Tempers flare over the smallest things; at one point or another, each of the three bristles when she senses another is telling her what to do. There’s nothing supernatural about any of that. But something is happening to Edna—she’s changing in ways that alarm Kay and Sam. Anyone who has watched a parent age—who has seen the number of selves one person can inhabit in a lifetime, moving from one stage to another in a gentle gradient spanning decades—will recognize Kay’s anguish. Relic’s ending is an embrace of terror and tenderness. So many horror filmmakers start out with great ideas and don’t know how to wrap them up. James caps off her debut feature with a quietly intense operatic flourish that feels earned.

If our imaginations are capable of conjuring great horrors as well as wonder, here’s a question: Can we pass our most acute fears, virus-style, on to others? In her shivery, evocative and sometimes surprisingly funny existential thriller She Dies Tomorrow, writer-director Amy Seimetz burrows deep into some of our dumbest 3 a.m. fears and wonders aloud, What if they’re not so dumb? Kate Lyn Sheil plays Amy, a young woman who, as she’s moving into the house she’s just bought, becomes seized with a fear she can’t explain: She’s certain she’s going to die the next day. In a panic, she calls her closest friend, Jane (Jane Adams), begging her to come over. When Jane finally shows up, she tries to talk sense into her friend—only to return home, get into her PJs, and suddenly feel paralyzed by the same fear. When Jane confesses her anxiety to others—to her brother (Chris Messina), to the doctor to whom she goes for treatment (Josh Lucas)—they too downplay her distress, only to find themselves captive to the same debilitating panic minutes later. The whole movie is like a game of telephone in which an urgent message is passed along from one player to another, fuzzy at first before emerging into disquieting clarity.

Courtesy of NeonKate Lyn Sheil in Amy Seimetz’s ‘She Dies Tomorrow’

She Dies Tomorrow takes place in a world much like the one we’re living in right now, one that feels untrustworthy, not fully readable. It’s also a place where we might feel regret about some things we are capable of controlling: at one point, Amy tells a guy who appears to be a fairly new lover (Kentucker Audley) that she once ended a pregnancy. His face clouds over as she elaborates; the information seems to trouble him more than it does her, even though she’s the one who will carry the knowledge of the act forever. She notes that her life would be so different if she’d kept the child; she probably wouldn’t have been able to buy this house. Her practicality is the opposite of coldness—she knows the cost of her choice, because it lives inside her every day.

And what if it’s not the greater world but ourselves we can’t trust? Our certainty that we’ll have a tomorrow amounts not to everyday optimism but to a kind of arrogance—though we probably need that self-reassurance to survive. This is less a movie about death than one concerned with how we go through life without giving too much thought about its stopping, though that’s a certainty for all of us. Even when we think we’re thinking about death, we don’t really know what to think: No one trustworthy has yet returned from the other side to tell us what it’s all about. She Dies Tomorrow is all about the unreclaimable yesterday, the day before we knew. It’s a thoughtful movie with no jump scares; its jitters are baked all the way through.

Fear of death isn’t specific to women, obviously—the male characters in Seimetz’s movie are susceptible to it too. But maybe, given women’s often complex relationship with aging—which includes the fear of losing sexual allure—our fear of death has a slightly different tenor from the way men experience it. In Shirley, the aging, matronly protagonist is not only unable to write, which is her chief measure of her own self-worth; her husband has also taken up with a supposedly superior woman—and isn’t the moment we lose faith in our own magnetism itself a small death? Watching our parents age, as Kay does in Relic, is the ultimate reminder that we’re next; it’s also a test of our mettle when we see the traits that have calcified in our forebears begin to manifest themselves, in smaller ways, in us. In Amulet, the exhausted Magda has a different problem: she’s simply waiting for her mother to die, so she can be free. All of these movies were conceived and made before we had any sense of how a worldwide pandemic would shape and circumscribe our lives. But all, in some way, speak of constricted freedom, of carrying on with life until it decides it’s through with us. They’re about all the things we can’t protect ourselves from, what we used to call, in more innocent times, fear of the unknown. Now we know what to fear, only to realize that knowing isn’t necessarily better.

via https://cutslicedanddiced.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/how-to-prevent-food-from-going-to-waste

#Time #top stories #IFTTT #news

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svubloods · 7 years ago

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Imagine a Barba v Reagan Custody Trial THE INTERLUDE: How We Got Here (TPELB PART EIGHT)

(A/N: Sorry I’m such a slow uploader lately! Trying to be faster! I hope you enjoy this. Trying something new is always fun)

Masterlist with all the parts HERE

THIS IMAGINE IS IN THE THIRD PERSON

Imagine a Barba v Reagan custody trial THE INTERLUDE: How We Got Here

August 20th, 2003

Erika Reagan tapped the last keys of the song before being met by an applause better than she had expected, given that there were only a few patrons in the bar.

It was 2:00 am after all.

But then again there was that one guy. He had slipped in just as you started and she hadn’t noticed until she locked eyes with him while performing. He had almost made her mess up but she composed herself quickly. As she stood up the light shined brightly in her face so she couldn’t see anything. She made her way towards the end of the stage so walk down and standing at the bottom was the man she had seen.

“Let me help you,” He said, giving her his hand so she could use to get down the stairs.

He must have noticed the ‘ridiculous high heels I’m wearing’ she thought to herself as she stepped down and got back onto solid ground. Erika hated the dress code for this place, it was so unlike her to wear such high heels

“Thanks,” She smiled, quickly dusting herself off.

“You were amazing up there,” He complimented, with a slight blush but his eyes bright with confidence.

Erika finally took a proper look at him as she had previously just noticed his beautiful green eyes. He was wearing a suit essentially but without the jacket and he had taken off his tie as well as undone some of the buttons. He was well dressed, yes, but disheveled like he had just gotten off a long days work or had done that then had to drive a long time to get here. Nobody would make the trek to come to a place like this so he clearly had some sort of business in the area and stumbled here for a nightcap. It was strange though she thought, he wasn’t the sort of person who came to a bar like this. She thought about the regulars, mostly old drunkards that drove trucks. Definitely not the sort of person she would expect.

She tried to be suspicious of this stranger but she couldn’t bring herself to feel that way. She was intoxicated by his eyes and his smile was enticing. Very unlike her, she found herself avoiding eye contact with him. She almost felt self-conscious.

“Aw, thank you,” She repeated, “My boss just made get up there because he was fixing the stereo. Didn’t want any silence for our many customers,”

She said it while gesturing to the almost empty bar.

“Well, you were much better than anything on the stereo,” He smiled.

“What if the original was playing?” She countered.

“I preferred your version,” He complimented once again, “Which is a big compliment coming from me…”

“Because your opinion is important for some reason,” She teased with a wink.

“No,” He chuckled, attracted, “Because it’s my favorite song. And obviously, it would have to take a really good performance to say that it beat it,”

“It is?” She asked, surprised.

He nodded.

“It’s mine too,” She said honestly, gaining some confidence.

Both of them did.

“I’m Rafael,” He introduced.

“I’m Rosie,” Erika lied expertly despite almost forget because she was so taken by him, shaking his hand, “I like your name,”   “You do?” He inquired.

“Yeah,” She smiled.

“I like how it sounds and it’s really cute, you know?” She explained badly, she couldn’t describe it accurately, she just liked it.

“Well, hopefully, I live up to your expectations of the name?” He offered awkwardly as he didn’t really know what to say.

“You do,” She reassured with yet another shy smile.

They chatted about Bob Dylan, amongst other things for a few minutes. They had both gotten over the nervousness of approaching and or being approached someone they found attractive and were back to the usual confident selves. They were flirty, playful and curious.

“So why don’t you tell me what someone like you is doing in a place like this?” She questioned, as she had boldly taken his hand in hers and pulled him to a nearby table so they could talk.

“What do you mean by someone like me?” He countered.

“You know,” She insisted, rolling her eyes at his ‘game’.

“No, I really don’t,” He smirked, leaning forward so they were closer together, “So tell me,”

“Smart, well dressed, not a trucker ” She sighed and gave in, “annoying to a certain extent because he won’t admit that he just wants me to compliment him, hand…”

She stopped herself from continuing.

“You were going to say handsome weren’t you?” He accused playfully.

She just played it off.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” He commented.

“Because that’s what every girl wants to hear,” She responded, leaning back as he did.

“What do you want me to say?” He inquired, his eyes glistening up at her.

“Why you’re here?” She smirked.

“I just got in from upstate, well a couple of hours ago. My mom kept me occupied so by the time she let me go it was too late to call up any of my friends so I’m out by myself. Here was the closest place open to my Abuela's house,” He explained.

“Sorry, you had to end up here,” She apologized, taking a glance at the establishment.

“I’m not,” He said.

“I only say that because this is hardly a place that attorneys come to,” She clarified instinctively without thinking.

“Why would you think that I’m an attorney?” He inquired.

“It’s a look,” She excused, cursing herself internally for her slip-up, “I’m good at reading people. You have to in this job,”

“I didn’t think bartenders had to be so observant,” He commented.

“Well, they have to see,” She began before making up something to satisfy him, thinking carefully, thoughtfully and quickly.

Rafael, on the other hand, was barely listening. He was just watching her. She was one of the most beautiful people that he ever saw. Her smile was infectious and her blue eyes were deep and meaningful. He noted that she very gesticulated. Probably more than she realizes he thought. Watching her was captivating. He was just so interested in everything she had to say despite knowing her barely more than an hour.

He hadn’t expected to meet someone like her, especially at this time but he was very welcoming to this change of plans. He thought that he was going to have to spend the night drowning his sorrows in his beer. It was three years since after all. He shrugged it off as much as he could without jerking.

He didn’t want to think about her. He couldn’t change things with her or make things with her. But he could with Rosie he thought. He liked her a lot, more than any of the other girls he had been filling his time with since everything happened. She was electric.

“I never considered that,” He admitted, tuning back in.

“Got to know who to target,” She chuckled.

“Is that what you are doing, right now?” He accused teasingly.

“You approached me,” She reminded.

“You could have taken advantage of the situation,” He suggested.

“Maybe I am,” She winked.

"So what's your story?" He asked, taking a sip of yet another beer one of your coworkers brought to you.

"I don't know what you mean?" Erika replied innocently yet tactfully.

"Do you expect me to believe that you want to be working here?" He elaborated.

"I'm wondering if you would actually feel bad if I said that was what I wanted," She attempted to deflect in a playful manner.

"But it's not so why should I feel bad?" He rebutted, "Who are you, Rosie,"

Erika thought about who she really was.

"I don't know yet," She said with brutal honestly, for a second letting go of the facade, "I'm still figuring it out which is why I work here,”

“Far enough,” He offered, though slightly disappointed, he had always known what he wanted to do and ambitious that it was surprising whenever he met someone who apparently lacked the drive.

The alcohol in his system made it seem like less of an issue, however.

“What about you, Rafael?” She asked in turn, purposely rolling his name off her tongue.

She liked how it sounded and he liked how she said it.

“Well, I work for a corporate firm upstate. We handle mergers, contracts, and business deals,” He listed off in a monotone.

“And you hate it don’t you?” Erika picked up on almost immediately.

“Yes,” He responded, the alcohol making it much easier, to be honest all of a sudden as he made no attempt unlike usually to hide his distaste.

“Why are you doing it then,” She inquired, sipping absent-mindedly, keeping an eye on her ‘boss’ across the room.

“It pays really well and I’m trying to save money.” He sighed, swirling his drink before taking a massive gulp.

“What do you want to do then?” She questioned.

“I want to be the District Attorney,” He said boldly, in a tone which would imply that he didn’t believe it.

“Then go do it,” She said.

“It’s not that easy,” He insisted.

“It could be,” She pointed out, “You’re just making it complicated,”

“Ten more minutes and then you all need to clear off,” A loud voice from behind them called.

They both turned to see who it was. Erika rolled her eyes at the bellowing voice of her ‘boss’. It irritated her to no end. After that, they both realized that they had been talking her a solid two hours as 4:00 am drew closer.

Rafael went to say something when a new song started playing on the stereo. Erika jumped up and grabbed Rafael’s hand. He chuckled after the initial shock.

“I love this song,” She cried, the tipsiness taking over at this point.

“I wouldn’t ever have guessed,” He commented.

“Dance with me?” She asked though she was already dragging him to the dance floor.

“I don’t dance,” He tried to insist.

“Please, I bet you do,” She giggled, “You look like someone whose mother made them go dancing classes,”

“How did…” He went to ask.

“I’m good at reading people, remember?” She whispered into his ear as they took a position on the dance floor.

“Fine,” He gave in, though he was already moving along with her as they danced to song playing. As they danced to the song, the giggled and laughed and just had fun. Rafael wouldn’t ever usually do this but the mix of alcohol, lack of spectators and the right girl made him more carefree than he ever had before. Erika, on the other hand, would have done the same thing even if the whole bar was brimming with people. She didn’t care if people were looking. Rather cliche but life was just too short in her mind. In fact, the both of them secretly thought about how tonight had been the most fun that they had in years.

In the most unexpected place with the most unexpected person.

As the song drew to a close, they had already stopped dancing. They had begun kissing half way through and hadn’t stopped. They did until their time was up and the bar was closing for the night.

“When can I see you again?” Rafael asked as they slipped back out into the real world.

“How about seven tomorrow?” She replied, “This should all be finished by then,”

“You mean work?” He asked.

“Yeah,” She nodded, quickly “Just let me know where you want to go,”

“I will,” He agreed, “Do you want me to walk you home? It is late after all.”

“I can handle myself,” She reassured, “My roommates coming to pick me up,”

“All right, see you tomorrow,” He smiled.

“Tomorrow,” She confirmed.

With that he kissed her again before walking away, leaving her standing outside the bar, waiting. She watched him go, only back when he had disappeared around the corner. She sighed a breath of relief as a blacked out car pulled up in front of her. The window rolled down to reveal Erika’s partner Will Gorski smiling up at her.

“How was work, dear?” He teased as she quickly scrambled into the backseat.

“Not too bad considering I was just there to keep my cover for the past, oh look at that three hours,” She snapped as he began driving.

“Haven’t you always wanted to be a bartender?” He asked.

“No,” She stated as if it was obvious.

“I have,” He grinned, “Ladies love bartenders,”

“You’re disgusting,” She commented.

“Well, think about it this way. By five tomorrow you’ll never see any of those people again and you can stop being Rosie McDonald and go back to being Erika Reagan,”

“Yeah,” She said, breathing out heavily, “It will all be over,”

August 24th, 2003

“So you got any skeletons Barbs?” Erika inquired, as she took a bite of her food.

“What do you mean?” He countered, taking a bit himself of his stake.

“Anything big that I don’t know about you?” She elaborated, “It is our third date after all. I should know all big things by this point.”

“A little early isn’t it?” He posed.

“This is usually the date I decide if I want things to go any further,” She revealed.

“How are my odds?” He inquired.

“Depends on your answer,” She winked.

Rafael looked around the busy restaurant they were sitting in. You had feared that Rosie would be intimidated by a rather upscale place like this but she seemed to fit in seamlessly. A fact which confused him considering the upbringing she had described was very humble, such like his own. But unlike his own, she hadn’t had the opportunity to learn all the stuff he had during his college days at Harvard.

“Like what?” He entertained.

“Have you been divorced?” She asked.

“No,” He said.

“Ever been in prison?” She pressed.

“No,” He chuckled.

“Got any kids?” She questioned.

“Definitely not,” He ensured.

“You sound really sure about that last one,” Erika picked up on.

“I am sure that I don’t have any children.” He stated.

“You may have one and just might not know them,” She suggested.

“Stuff like that doesn’t happen in real life,” He commented.

“Sure it does,” She said, “Much harder for guys to keep trachea than it is for girls,”

“Do you want kids?” He asked rather bluntly.

“Woah! It’s the third date. That’s bit of a heavy question, don’t you think?” Erika played off rather awkwardly and not in her usual confident manner.

“No harm in knowing where your date stands in the important matter,” He shrugged.

“Kids are an important subject to you?” She countered.

“They are to most people,” He insisted.

“Okay, so what’s your view on the matter?” She argued.

“To be honest I don’t know,” He admitted, “I don’t think I do but I don’t know,”

“Well, I do know,” She said rather confidently, “I don’t want kids. I’m just not good with them you know? I’d be a terrible mother plus I’m pretty sure I was born without that motherly instinct thing,”

“Well, I guess we are sort of on the same page then,” Rafael said, “Neither of us wants kids,”

August 27th, 2003

“Come on Rosie, just tell me,” Rafael said.

“No,” She giggled, “It’s embarrassing,”   “So you get me confess all my secrets but you don’t have to tell me any of yours?” He questioned.

“That’s usually how it works,” She chuckled, “Which means I’ll never tell you why I will never tell you why I don’t like spaghetti,”

“But it has nothing to do with the taste?” He insisted on asking.

“Would it matter if it did?” She smirked before they both started laughing.

“So, what’s going on with your bar?” Rafael inquired.

He and Erika were walking down the street, hand in hand, towards her apartment. They had been going on dates every day since they had met a week ago. They were really hitting it off, despite the secrets that were looming over their heads.

“What do you mean?” She countered.

“I went by there today and it was closed,” He said.

The flashback of hauling the boss into the back of a squad car a few hours before hers and Rafaels date flashed in her mind.

“Oh maintenance,” She played off.

“Are you sure?” He went to ask only to be interrupted by Erika, in a moment of panic so she pressed her lips into his.

“Do you want to come upstairs?” She said against his lips, as they had reached the outside of her apartment building.

“Sure,” He said eagerly though he was playing it casually.

She just grabbed his hand and pulled him along inside. The silent understanding between them was clear.

The next morning when Rafael left was the last time either of them would see or talk to each other for a while after that. If you asked either of them the reason why they never reached out again, they would have different answers. If you asked each of them who pulled the silence treatment on the other, they would both give you a different answer.

October 30th, 2003

Erika tapped her foot furiously and quickly on the floor as the time passed. Her older sister Erin paced outside the door. She was speaking as fast as Erika was tapping her foot but Erika wasn’t listening to a word. She was just staring at the clock, waiting.

Three minutes.

“Erin!” Erika snapped before her voice softened, “Just stop talking,”

“What are you going to do?” Erin asked, coming back into the bathroom and dropping by Erika’s side, who was sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

“I don’t know,” She responded, not looking up, “And I don’t have to know until I get the result right? It might be nothing. You might be wrong. I hate to break it to you Erin but that might happen you know? You can’t always be right! Sure you might have been right about me cheating on that test in the with grade and when I dropped out of college and tried to hide to from everyone. But you might not be right about this, okay!”

“Erika,” Erin tried to say.

“No, Erin I just don’t…” Erika began continuing her tirade.

“Times up,” She interrupted, gesturing towards the counter.

“Oh,” Erika let out, getting up and walking over.

She steps were timid and short. As if she was prolonging the time of not knowing despite being so impatient a few minutes ago. She eventually reached the countered and picked up the pregnancy test gingerly.

“So?” Erin prompted after several moments of Erika looking down at the test.

She just shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks as she thrashed the test into her sister's hands.

“Oh sweetie,” Erin said as Erika sank onto the floor her back against the bathtub.

“I’m pregnant,” She sobbed, her head in her hands, “I’m having a baby,”

“Yeah, you are,” Erin confirmed, sitting down beside her and wrapping her arms around her so her baby sister could cry into her chest.

“What am I going to do?” She cried.

“We’ll figure it out,” Erin reassured, soothing her, “We’ll figure it out together.”

“You don’t have a plan?” Erika demanded, still so in shock that she didn’t know how to react.

She didn’t know if she was happy or sad. All she knew was that she was overwhelmed. And all she could do is cry.

“Of course I do,” Erin chuckled, “But we don’t have to talk about that right now if you don’t want to,”

“I don’t,” Erika affirmed.

“Can I ask you something?” Erin said after fifteen minutes of the two of them sitting on the floor, the pregnancy test at their feet.

“Sure,” Erika nodded, pulling herself up and wiping the tears from her face.

“Whose is it?” Erin asked.

Erika paused.

“You do know don’t you?” Erin continued.

“Yes,” She confirmed, annoyed.

“Just checking,” Erin said with fake innocence as they both stood up.

“I have to make a phone-call,” Erika announced, walking into her living room.

“Are you calling the Dad?” Erin asked, hurrying after her.

“Who else?” Erika demanded.

“Hey, I don’t know. You may have been calling your psychic for all I know,” Erin offered, disapprovingly.

“I haven’t seen my psychic in months,” Erika stated, as she tried to find the number on her phone.

“Hold on,” Erin said running to her bag and pulling out a handheld tape recorder.

“What are you doing?” Erika asked.

“Are you dating this guy? Do you think it will last? Do you think he will want to be apart of the babies life? Will he want custody?” She started to question incessantly.

“I don’t know!” Erika responded, “I know we aren’t dating. He was just a…”

“He wasn’t a one night stand was he?” Erin asked.

“I…” Erika went to say.

“Oh, Erika Rosaline Reagan!” She cried.

“God, you sound like mom,” Erika commented.

“How are you going to tell Mom and Dad?” Erin asked.

“Stop asking me questions! Let me do this!” Erika insisted, “Now, why do you have a tape recorder?”

“If this goes to court it’s better to have a record of all communication. Just in case,” Erin explained, “You don’t what might happen. Child Custody cases can get very intense.”

“Alright,” Erika agreed, pulling the ringing phone from her ear and putting it on speaker.

Erin pressed the record button.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

“Hello?” A voice on the under end responded the signal must have been bad as there were cracks but not enough that the message would be distorted.

“Rafael?” Erika questioned, almost nervous.

“Oh hi,” Rafael responded, his surprise evident, “It’s nice to hear from you? How are you?”

“Okay,” She replied shakily, “You?”

“Good,” He said, “Listen, you know I was planning on calling…”

“Rafael, I don’t know how to tell you this,” Erika began all of sudden, she couldn’t keep it in.

Rafael at this point was sitting at his desk work, back upstate. He was working late and he wasn’t expecting any calls. He was about to leave when it rang. Under the assumption that is was a casual call. He continued to pack away his things.

“Okay…” He dragged out, confused, slowing done his packing, “What’s up?”

“I’m pregnant,”

The words hit Rafael's ears. For the first five-seconds, he was silent. Then he opened his desk drawer and searched. Once he found it, he pulled it out and held it in his hands. Opening it up slowly, the memory of the first time he received it washed over. He knew what he had to do and he didn’t like it.

“Rafael?” Erika asked, thinking the connection had been lost or he had been stunned into silence.

“Are you joking?” He countered.

“No, of course not,” Erika refuted, “I wouldn’t lie about something like this,”

“Come on,” He insisted, “Enough is enough. I’m not falling for it!”

“I’m not joking!” Erika insisted, “It’s the truth! I can prove it!”

“Yeah okay, I’m sure you can,” He played off, “Listen I don’t have time for this, okay? You can’t fool me so your little trick failed. So can we just drop this and never speak to each other again?”

“Rafael, I don’t understand,” Erika sighed, her voice softening.

“I do though.This is just your attempt at a money grab, right?” He accused, “It’s pretty obvious,”

“I don’t want your money and how fucking dare you accuse me…” Erika stated.

“How many people have you tried this on?” He countered.

“I don’t know why you are thinking this way but the truth is I’m pregnant and it’s yours so,” Erika stated once again, getting angry at this point.

“Whatever you say,” He entertained, mockingly.

“Why are you acting like this?” Erika demanded.

“Why are you?” Rafael countered, “You could do much more with your life than reducing yourself to this.”

“What the hell is going on?” She demanded.

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” He countered.

“I can’t deal with you. How dare you? You don’t even know me,” She began to rant.

“You’re right,” Erika agreed, “And I clearly don’t know you either. I thought you were a decent person,”

“Yeah, let’s debate my decency,” He chuckled, condescendingly.

“You know what I can’t deal with you anymore. So I’m going to hang up but before I do. Just know when you realize that you’re wrong because you will. You will never ever see this kid unless it’s over my dead body. Are we understood? Because I wouldn’t want them to have such an insensitive moronic bastard as a Dad.” She shouted down the line before hanging up angrily.

May 20th, 2004

“See you a bit,” Erika smiled and waved while lying back on the bed as her parents shut the door behind them.

As soon as she did her eyes glanced over the bassinet at the side by the side of her bed. She took a deep breath and got up. She circled the bed and walked towards the bassinet. Stopping and placing her hands on the rim.

She looked down at the contently sleeping baby placed inside. She gently stroked her cheek and bent down so it was at eye level.

“Hi Y/N,” She whispered, careful not to wake her sleeping daughter, “I know it might seem like it is going to be just the two of us but we aren’t alone, I promise. There are so many people that love you so much already. We’re going to be okay. I promise. And even if I’m not you will be. Because my promise to you is that from today on the only job I have is to make sure you are okay. You really the best thing I’ve ever done. I love you so much. I didn’t know what alive felt like until I met you,”

July 24th, 2007

Erika let out a sigh of satisfaction as she leafed through the freshly developed photos of her daughter Y/N’s 3rd birthday party. She had finally gotten them developed after almost two months. She had honestly only did it because her sister Erin had been pressing her for pictures so she could put one on her desk.

Erika was sitting in her partners' car. They were on their way to go question a suspect when her pertained Will had stopped the car to get coffee for the two of them. It was a neighborhood that they never really went to. Will had parked on a residential street a few blocks away from the shop because he couldn’t find a space. The street was empty as everyone presumedly was off working.

She pulled out a picture of her and her daughter. She was holding her as her daughter tried to blow out her candles. Y/N’s eyes were shut in an effort to blow out the candles and Erika was looking at her daughter and chuckling. Neither of them was looking at the camera. Erika made a mental note to thank her younger brother Jamie for always amazing photography.

Erika held the picture up and smiled. Holding it tight in her hand as she looked lovingly at the light of her life.

Then there was a knock on the window. She turned to look, the picture still in her hand. She looked up at the face and went to say something but then the gun was pulled and she stopped dead. Her hand flew to her own but the reactions were slowed of course. She wasn’t fast enough, the confusion of it all playing apart. She didn’t have enough time before it was fired.

The last thing Erika Reagan ever saw was shattering glass and her daughters face.

Blood splatted everywhere and Erika’s lifeless body slumped to the side. She was covered in glass and still in her clenched hand was the now blood splattered photo of her daughter.

Her partner returned five minutes later and officially discovered her body.

“And now back to our main story. This morning an NYPD Detective was found shot dead in her car…”

A few hours later that day, Rafael Barba found himself sitting in a bar, watching the news absent mindedly as he waited.

“Rafael!” A voice from behind said, causing Rafael to turn around just as the picture of Erika Reagan flashed on the screen.

“Sir,” Rafael acknowledged, getting up and shaking his hand.

“I know you’re dying to know so I won’t keep you waiting,” He chuckled, “Let me be the first to say congratulations on the new job.”

“I got the position?” Rafael inquired.

“You did,” He confirmed chuckling, “Welcome to the District Attorneys Office,”

Two Weeks Ago

“Has it affected her?” Rafael inquired, looking out the window and across to his daughter.

Y/N was sitting eating lunch outside with her friends unaware of her Father’s gaze. She seemed happy. Broadly smiling and laughing. They were clearly engaged in some sort of conversation. Rafael couldn’t help but smile at her despite still caring the heavy feelings of guilt that he felt. He was good at hiding his emotions and he got the impression that his daughter was also good at it.

“We have noticed some changes,” Y/N’s principle acknowledged, “She has her version of good days and bad days,”

“What do you mean?” He asked, not taking his eyes off her.

“She doesn’t show her emotions like other people. She’s a very controlled individual. You need to know her well to be able to pick up on how she is feeling.” They recounted.

Rafael bowed his head in guilt.

“Not that I’m suggesting…” They went to rectify.

“It’s okay,” Rafael reassured, “It’s the truth isn’t it,”

“I’m to the belief that it wasn’t your fault though, correct?” They inquired.

“No, it wasn’t my fault,” Rafael confirmed, looking back at his daughter, “Thank you for letting me do this. I don’t really get to see her, this is best I can get.”

“Of course. I can’t imagine going through what you are,” They smiled.

“I’ll head off now. Thank you once again,” Rafael said, feeling overwhelmed he made a quick exit.

He walked down an empty corridor. Turning the corner he was stopped by a young blonde teacher. She was standing there as if she was waiting for him.

“Are you Y/N’s Dad?” She asked immediately.

“Um yes. Who are you?” Rafael questioned.

“I’m her English teacher, Miss Norden,” She introduced, shaking his hand.

“Nice to meet you,” Rafael smiled politely.

“I don’t have much time but I wanted to give you this because I heard you were here,” She said handing him a letter.

“What is it?” He asked, opening it up.

“I don’t have time to explain. Just read it. You need it but let me be clear that I’m doing this because I think it’s in Y/N’ best interest,” She explained, “It’s a letter she wrote as a part of some exercise with her therapist. It’s a letter to her mother,”

“How did you get this?” He asked.

“It was an accident,” She said.

And with that, she walked past him and down the corridor as the bell rang and children began filing in. Rafael continued to leave, clutching the letter in his hand as he slid into his car. Once safely in its confines, he read the letter.

It was emotional and personal. Rafael hated himself for reading it. He felt like he was betraying her trust, though it wasn’t like that she had any in him anyway. Though it was the last paragraph that peaked his interest the most.

“I feel so guilty that sometimes I feel like they all look at me and wish it was you instead. Because I know they love me but I sometimes I feel like would rather have you. They miss you so much Mom, so much. I really wish I could miss you like they do but I can’t. I feel disconnected. I hate that sometimes I hate looking like you. Because there are just things I notice. Sometimes Uncle Danny can’t even look at me because I look so much like you and he misses you so much. Sometimes Great Grandpa Henry calls me by your name by accident and looks so sad when he remembers. There are some streets on your old beat where everyone stops and stares at me because you had such an effect on them. They miss you. Everyone misses you. They all want you back.

I just wish I could feel the same way. I just want someone to love me because I’m me and not because I’m your daughter.”

Present Day

The courtroom erupted and the Judge called a recess quickly. Not wanting Y/N, who was sitting on the witness stand see the arguing. The judge gestured for the young girl to be taken back to the witness room while denying the request to be recalled. He wasn’t going to let that poor girl go back on the witness stand after that.

Y/N was directed to the witness room and then left alone.

She took a deep breath. She felt overwhelmed. She hated this feeling and she just needed to get out of here.

She wiped a tear from her cheek and bolted towards the door. She made as far as down the corridor before being stopped by a familiar case.

“I’m so sorry Y/N…”

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weekendwarriorblog · 4 years ago

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The Weekend Warrior Home Edition May 29, 2020 – I WILL MAKE YOU MINE, THE HIGH NOTE, HBO MAX and more!

Before we get to any potential theatrical releases – there aren’t many (if any?) this week – today is the day that HBO MAX launches! I hope to add it to the streaming section below, but since it’s a newborn baby launching today, it will get the lead in this week’s column…

Some of the HBO Max original programming at launch will include On the Record, the new doc from The Hunting Ground and The Invisible War directors Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering, which looks at the story of music exec. Drew Dixon and her decision to be one of the first women of color to come forward about being sexually assaulted by Russell Simmons. I’ll freely admit that I haven’t watched this yet, but my friend/colleague Candice Fredrick did this amazing interview with Dixon and the other subjects for Shondaland, which you can read right here, and it’ll make it obvious why (like Dick/Ziering’s previous docs), this one NEEDS to be seen, even if you don’t have a horse in this race.

Anna Kendrick will be starring in new romantic comedy anthology series called Love Life from Sam Boyd, each season which will follow a different person from their first to last romance. I hope this is better than Kendrick’s Quibi series.

On a lighter night, there’s a new series of Looney Tunes Cartoons, a series of 11 to 12-minute cartoon collections featuring all your WB favorites. While I was mildly dubious about new cartoons, apparently WB has been making these for a few years although they’ll now be migrating over to HBO Max. Some of the first toons will include a couple Porky Pig-Daffy Duck shorts: “Curse of the Monkeybird” and “Firehouse Frenzy”; another one called “Harm Wrestling,” pitting Bugs Bunny against long-time nemesis Yosemite Sam, and another Bugs one called “Big League Beast.” These new toons definitely have their own identity and charm and are pretty clever with wackier modernized cartoon violence ala “Ren and Stimpy” or maybe Adult Swim would be a more current reference. The series is exec. produced by Peter Browngardt, and I don’t think regular Looney Tunes fans (or cartoon fans in general) will be too disappointed by these offerings.

There’s also the Not Too Late Show with Elmo, which looks cute, but it’s definitely veering more towards the TV side of things than movies, at least for now.

Something rather strange and interesting happened leading up to this week’s “Featured Movie,” but it involves an introductory story: Just before the lockdown on March 12, I went out to see Emily Ting’s great new comedy, Go Back to China on its very last day in New York theaters. One of the actors in the movie, Lynn Chen, seemed vaguely familiar but I couldn’t figure out where from. Sometime after that, I started seeing a few tweets about Alice Wu’s 2004 film, Saving Face, which I thought I was one of the only people who knew about it, having covered it 15 or 16 years ago. This led to a Twitter conversation about Wu’s new Netflix movie, The Half of It, which made me realize that Chen was one of the two leads in Saving Face. One thing led to another and besides learning about Wu’s new movie, I also found out that Chen’s own directorial debut would be coming out soon. That movie, I WILL MAKE YOU MINE (Gravitas Ventures), is now available digitally and on DVD/Blu-ray. Got all that? Good. So that’s what I’m going to write about next.

Chen’s directorial debut is an interesting black-and-white romantic dramedy, but you really need to go into it knowing that it’s also the third part of something being labelled, “The Surrogate Valentine Trilogy,” based on two indie comedies directed by Dave Boyle. I did not know this the first time I watched Chen’s movie, which may be why I was so confused about the relationships between three Asian-American women with a musician named Goh Nakamura (who plays himself in the film). Once I watched the previous movies, Surrogate Valentine from 2011 and Daylight Savings from 2012, things became a LOT clearer.

Both those movies were quirky comedies mostly based around Nakamura’s day-to-day, but they also had romantic undercurrents with three different women over the course of the two movies: Lynn Chen’s best friend Rachel, “the professor” Erika (Ayako Fujitani) and fellow singer-songwriter Yea-Ming (Yea-Ming Chen, also playing a version of herself). It’s immediately clear that Chen’s movie is going to focus on the three women, but it my not be as evident who these women are or their relationship to Nakamura without having seen the previous two films.

The movie takes place five years after the previous one, so Chen is taking the Linklatter “Before” trilogy approach, at least in concluding the overall story with a few players from earlier movies also making apperances. Erika and Yea-Ming are still polar opposites with Erika’s moodiness being increased by the death of her father and having to care for her five-year-old daughter (Ayami Riley Tomine). Yea-Ming is still single and ready to mingle, while Rachel is now married but she is still reminiscing about Goh, who she long ago put in the friend zone despite his feelings for her.

Both the previous movies were left hanging with no real answers, so it’s quite respectable for Chen to take the reins in trying to answer some of the unanswered questions. The general idea is that all these women are still thinking of Goh, and you’ll have to watch the movie to see which one he ends up with, if any. (Not too sure how I feel about all these beautiful women chasing after the mopey Nakamura, but like the “Before” movies, you’ll be quite invested after seeing the other two movies.)

Nakamura is an incredibly talented musician, songwriter and singer (as is Yea-Ming) but not a particularly expressive actor, especially in comparison to a seasoned pro like Chen. As a director and co-star, she does a better job getting a performance out of him than Boyle did, although her character’s arc is more about dealing with her cheating husband Josh. Chen maintains the quirky humor of the earlier movies without involving as much of the bro-ness of the characters around Nakamura. Putting the focus on the three women trying to discover themselves and figure out what they want in life just makes her film a far more enjoyable experience as a whole, especially as we get to see them interacting with each other.

I particulary like this movie on its own merits due to the very funny and talented Yea-Ming Chen (whose own musical project is called DreamDate). She clearly has the best chemistry with Nakamura, but I Will Make You Mine gains so much more knowing the characters’ history together, even if those relationships were not necessarily the focus of the previous two films. There’s no question Lynn Chen has a solid future as a filmmaker, as she takes the ideas and characters introduced by Boyle’s films to a far more emotional level. I recommend watching the entire trilogy, which hopefully Gravitas Ventures will put all in one place (like a collection of all three movies with a soundtrack CD?) someday soon. In the meantime, you can find out where you can watch I Will Make You Mine on the official site, so do check it out!

I had been pretty interested in Focus Features’ new film, THE HIGH NOTE, which will be available via PVOD this Friday, mainly because it was directed by Nisha Ganatra, who did such an amazing job with last year’s Late Night. This is a very different movie, maybe more commercial but also not quite as much my thing, which is odd since it’s set in the music business, which is almost definitely my thing.

Dakota Johnson stars as Maggie, personal assistant to legendary soul singer Grace Davis (Tracee Ellis Ross from black-ish), but she would rather be a record producer. Maggie hs been practicing by doing an edit on a live album for Davis who is being drawn by her manager (Ice Cube) to take up a Vegas residency ala Celine. Soon after, Maggie meets Kelvin Harrison Jr’s David Cliff, an aspiring singer and songwriter who she decides to take under her wing, without letting him know she’s actually a personal assistant.

Written by Flora Greeson, her first produced screenplay, it’s almost immediately apparent this movie came about due to the success of the 2018 remake of A Star is Born, which did so well despite winning only a single Oscar for song. There are a few hurdles the movie had to overcome right away, the first being my general “eh” feelings about Johnson as an actor, but then there are also serious credibility issues of a Hollywood personal assistant getting away with HALF the things Maggie does in the movie. There is definitely an aspect of the movie that reminded me of Working Girl, one of the movies that made Johnson’s mother (Melanie Griffith) a household name, but this sort of “everything works out for the white girl” just seems kind of stale and played and maybe a bit out-of-tune in this day and age.

The High Note is barely a drama and more of a romantic dramedy and while the songs are decent, there’s very little way that this can be deemed any sort of “musical.” There’s also the whole “white savior” thing in play where Maggie is there not only to save Grace’s flagging career but also trying to help David make it big. Harrison is as good as he’s been in almost every role, and that seems almost wasted among the other okay performances.

The thing is that The High Note did eventually win me over, oddly with a pull-the-rug-out twist that for some reason I didn’t see coming. There is a cuteness aspect to it that makes it palatable, if not always entertaining, but I definitely expected more and better from Ganatra for her second feature. It makes it that much more obvious what Mindy Kaling brought to the table as the writer/producer on Late Night.

Next up is John Hyatt’s documentary SCREENED OUT (Dark Star Pictures), which is probably rather apropos right now as it deals with something very prominent and timely: our addiction to our devices. The movie follows Hyatt and his family who go through their own journey of dealing with screen addiction. It will be available in the US and Canada this Friday. I really couldn’t get too far into this movie, since I generally hate docs where the filmmakers turn the camera on themselves, and I’m not talking about Morgan Spurlock or Michael Moore so much, as those who make these movies about themselves without having too much to offer the viewer.

Film Forum’s Virtual Cinema adds two new repertory films this week: Philip Borso’s 1982 film, The Grey Fox, starring Richard Farnsworth (in a new 4K restoration) and Andrei Ujică’s 1992 film, Videograms of a Revolution. Film at Lincoln Center’s own virtual cinema adds Mounia Meddour’s Papicha (Distrib Films) about a university student during the Algerian Civil War who is studying French with an interest in fashion so she defies religious conservatism to design dresses for her peers. The film won the César Award for Best Female Newcomer and Best First Film, and was a selection for the recent “Rendez-Vous with French Cinema.”

STREAMING AND CABLE

Netflix’s big launch this week is the new series from The Office (American version) creator Greg Daniels (his second new one in the last month!), SPACE FORCE, a comedy based on the Trump military initiative that reunites Daniels with Steve Carell. He’s joined by John Malkovich, Jimmy O. Yang, the late Fred Willard, Ben Schwartz, Noah Emmerich and more, so we’ll see if I like it more than the Amazon series, Upload. (Granted, I’ve only seen one episode of that.)

I’m semi-flattered that Hannah Gadsby named her second Netflix comedy special, Hannah Gadsby: Douglas, after me, but honestly, I’m one of the few people who never really understood the appeal of her as a comic. She just seems like a snarky Australian who just happens to also be a lesbian, but I dunno, maybe I’ll like this one more?

Fernando Frias’ Mexican teen drama, I’m No Longer Here (also on Netflix), is about a young street gang in Monterrey, Mexico who get into a feud with a local cartel, forcing the leader to migrate to the United States.

Also, I’ve heard good things about Andrew Patterson’s THE VAST OF NIGHT, which will be available on Amazon Prime, this Friday. It stars Sierra McCormick as Fay Crocker, a switchboard operator in 1950s New Mexico, who discovers an audio frequency that can change their small town forever. It sends Fay and a radio DJ named Everett (Jake Horowitz) on a scavenger hunt into the unknown. This movie played a lot of genre film festivals last year after debuting at Slamdance, and I generally enjoyed it, since it has a very different vibe of other thrillers, even period ones. The two leads are so cute together in the film’s opening scene, you’ll definitely want to see where things are going, and the dialogue is particularly good. Maybe the movie isn’t as direct in its genre elements as others, but it goes to interesting places for sure.

Also, the We Are One: A Global Film Festival is supposed to start this week, running for a week from this Friday to June 7 with proceeds going to benefit COVID-19 relief funds with programming curated by a number of film festivals including Tribeca, the New York Film Festival, Berlin and others. You can see some of the programming here, and the festival will run starting Friday on the YouTube channel.

Next week, more movies (mostly) not in theaters!

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

#TheWeekendWarrior #TheHIghNote #IWillMakeYouMine #Movies #Reviews #Digital #Streaming #HBOMax

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imagine-loki · 7 years ago

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Taming the rage

TITLE: Taming the Rage

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 45

AUTHOR: lokilover9

Original Imagine: Imagine Odin tells Loki that he has to marry and it’s you. You’ve hated him for years. Every time he sees you in the palace he smirks knowing all the duties you’ll have to perform as his princess, making you cringe. He isn’t exactly fond of you either, but can’t help looking forward to the challenge.

RATING: Teen

On the third day of Loki’s trip, he and Jarles caught a couple of decent sized hares. Loki had gone for a swim after and Jarles went to skin and prepare them for cooking.

Buldur was gathering some rocks nearby to place amidst the fire so he could put a grate over them and boil some potatoes, when Loki approached him. “What are you doing man, attempting another injury? Allow me.”

After Loki dressed, they sat together and peeled the potatoes. “So you’ve been friends with Jarles for many years?” He asked.

“Yes we met as soldiers, centuries ago.”

“Ah. How did you become so interested in the outdoors?”

“My father loved it. He used to take my two brothers and I camping on a regular basis.”

“And your Mother?”

Buldur shook his head. “Once, but that was enough. She hated it.”

“I’ve thought of inviting Erika to camp, but I really can’t see her enjoying it much either.”

Buldur chuckled. “Most women don’t take well to not having access to hot running water and their other daily amenities.”

“I agree, but still. Erika’s tough and I believe she’d do well to thrive in the worst of situations if she really needed to. I just don’t see her as a big outdoors type.”

“Very true.” Said Buldur. “She already has through one. The loss of Asta was devastating to her family and had it not been for yours, I don’t think they would have recovered so well. Jarles is a strong man, but her death almost robbed him of his will to live.”

“I had no idea.” Said Loki.

“How could you have son, you were just a child, but I’ll never forget that day for as long as I live.” He glanced over at Jarles off in the distance and a heavy sigh escaped him.

“I know she passed in a riding accident, but I don’t know anymore than that and I wouldn’t want to ask Erika any details about it.”

“No.” Said Buldur. “Not an easy subject to discuss.”

“Do you know what actually happened?”

“Yes.” Replied Buldur. “Sadly, I do. He and Asta had had an argument over what, I haven’t a clue and she went riding to cool off. He thought nothing of it as she’d done it before and would always return shortly after. When dusk began and she hadn’t, he gathered a few friends on horseback, including myself and we went looking. We’d searched deep into the woods all night calling to her, but received no answer. By sunrise, I had a bad feeling as I knew she would have never stayed away that long. Then it happened and I knew my feeling was right.”

Buldur went quiet and his brow furrowed as he recalled the moment and Loki listened, intently.

“I wasn’t far behind him when I heard the most gut wrenching sound come out of a man that I’ve ever heard in my life. He’d come across her horse at the top of a steep hill and something told him to look over the edge. He saw her legs protruding beneath some bushes and went to her, but it was too late. She was long gone.”

“He found her.” Said Loki. “That’s terrible.”

“Yes it was. When I got to him, he was at the bottom of the hill pacing back and forth with her in his arms, wailing like a broken soul. I couldn’t get him to come up. He just kept pacing with her and it wasn’t until I went to retrieve your father that he finally returned to the palace with her.”

Loki stared at him in disbelief. “My father?”

“Yes.” Replied Buldur. “He willingly ventured to the bottom of that hill and somehow convinced him.”

“What had happened to her?”

“There were many tall and short bushes at the edge of this hill keeping it well hidden.” Said Buldur. “It’s believed the horse spotted it before Asta, stopped abruptly and inadvertently tossed her off. She’d broken her neck in the fall and died instantly.”

Loki sat there, staring at him in shock, then glanced over at Jarles. “Holy fuck.”

Buldur nodded. “That was my thought as well. Please don’t ever repeat this son. I only told you as I thought it important for you to know.”

“I’m glad you did, but why?”

Jarles began approaching and Buldur spoke quieter. “If he was that devastated, imagine what those girls went through. It teaches you a lot about a person’s character.”

A few feet from them Jarles stopped, holding up his gutted and cleaned kills. “Shall we eat gentlemen?” ********** Back at the palace at the end of this same day, Erika had gone for a bath after dinner. Thor seemed unusually quiet and when Jane noticed him staring off into space as Junior tried playing with him, she knew something was up. “Alright, I already dragged it out of a very pensive Erika yesterday what was on her mind, now what’s on yours today?”

Thors eyes widened. “What was ailing her?”

“Just worry about Loki’s time with her father.”

He breathed a small sigh of relief and Jane hands went to her hips. “Now what’s the matter with you?”

He patted the spot on the couch next to him and handed Junior a toy. “Sit down, please my love?”

“My love?” Said Jane. “Sounds serious.”

He kissed her then sighed. “It rather is. My Father informed me today that due to age and exhaustion, he wishes to abdicate the throne.”

Jane’s jaw dropped.

“As soon as Loki and Erika marry, I am to become King.”

“When did he decide this?” She asked.

“Prior to their betrothal. He wanted Loki settled so as not to burden me with choosing him a bride.”

“So their betrothal was forced for that reason?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘forced’ so much as needed in his eyes. Mother explained they were concerned any disagreements between us might ruin our ‘already fragile’ relationship.”

“They’re right about its fragility Thor. It’s taken quite some time for the two of to build any trust in one another again.”

“Yes and now I fear how he may react to this.”

“Why? It’s nothing of your doing.”

“I know, but Loki may not see it that way. There’s always been animosity between us regarding the throne, especially after he learned of his true heritage.”

“You said his betrothal was ‘needed’ according to them. Why?” Asked Jane.

“Mother has known for years of his true feelings for Erika, despite Loki being in denial of them. I learned only today, they were requested betrothed to each other by her Mother long before she died.”

“Did they say why Asta did this?”

“No, but they feel Loki and Erika were meant to be together and strongly believe their union will bring him peace and happiness.”

“What about her Thor? Her entire world was stopped because of this and she wasn’t happy about that at all.”

“Are you aware of how she feels now?” He asked.

“Not extensively. I do believe she’s come to care for him, but with all that’s happened to her recently, she must be more confused than ever about her life.”

“I can imagine. Unfortunately, neither of them has a choice but to remain together. Do you think she could ever love him?”

“I don’t know.” Said Jane. “Do you think he could ever love her?”

“Yes.”

“How can you be so sure?”

He smiled and looked her in the eyes. “Because Jane. He already does.”

Unbeknownst to them, from the moment Thor informed Jane Odin was abdicating, Erika had been listening from a nearby corridor. She hadn’t meant to, but was returning from her bath and stopped dead in her tracks upon hearing this, then couldn’t help but continue. After learning what she had from Frigga and Edgar, then hearing Thors final words, Erika leaned against the wall with a lump in her throat. ‘It’s true.’ She thought. ‘He loves me.’

#Loki #Angst #God of Mischief #Submitted fic #submission #Taming the Rage #chapter 45 #lokilover9 #odin #chuckling #arranged marriage #duties #princess #challenges #cringing

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eichy815 · 6 years ago

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‘Big Brother’ Is Being Watched By Us! – Part 2

CONTINUED FROM PART 1

Season 2 (where the game’s format itself was retooled and reimagined) featured the sassy Monica Bailey, a Brooklyn candy store manager who tragically lost her cousin in the 9/11 attacks (which took place during the tail-end of Season 2). Her best friend in the house, Krista Stegall, was a charming country girl (although housemate Kent Blackwelder constantly made references to Stegall’s alleged “Nyquil addiction”) – she and Bailey were jointly targeted in Week 6 as a “Power of Two.” Bailey ended up coming in third place, and really should have been selected by producers for re-entry into the house during Big Brother All-Stars (she would have been far more entertaining than the reincarnated “Chilltown” duo).

Speaking of Chilltown, though, I have to give mad props to Will Kirby (aka “Evil Dr. Will”), universally regarded as the best Big Brother winner to ever play the game. Despite being put up on the block for eviction every week, Kirby managed to repeatedly squirm out of danger using a combination of psychological mind games and bouncy charm. Everyone kept underestimating “Evil Dr. Will” as a jury “non-threat” – and he went all the way to the end with Nicole Nilson Schaffrich, ultimately defeating her in a 5-2 vote.

Nilson Schaffrich, who (along with Hill) was a sworn enemy of Kirby and “Chilltown,” also became a favorite of mine. Initially, she came on really strong to her housemates as she attempted to fit in as this zany, spontaneous, chatterbox of a “fun girl.” But after the game’s first-ever HoH, Malin, nominated her for eviction in Week 1, Nilson Schaffrich morphed into a depressing, negative, confrontational, bitchy cloud of gloom-and-doom (she also had OCD when it came to cleaning, and deeply missed her husband, Jeff). Will and Nicole developed a classic love/hate relationship – where Nicole would constantly threaten and berate Dr. Will, while he simply laughed it off and continued playing the role of “class clown.”

I could relate to Nicole – which is why I think I enjoyed her, even though she was a total darkened contrast to Monica, Krista, and Dr. Will in terms of personality. The epitome of Will and Nicole’s rivalry was when, during a competition, the producers asked houseguests to craft little puppet-style dolls in their own likenesses; Nicole refused to do it, and so Will energetically volunteered to create Nicole’s doll for her – he proceeded to draw/paint a skimpy bikini onto the doll’s fabric, and then mocked Nicole in the Diary Roll while making the Nicole-doll “talk.”

Despite the bad casting of Season 3, I did enjoy another unlikely alliance formed: that of Jason Guy, a born-again Christian videographer in his mid-twenties, and Danielle Reyes, a mouthy and brassy media buyer (and mom to two daughters). Their alliance went largely unnoticed by other houseguests (except for the season’s eventual winner, Lisa Donahue). Although I’m usually not a fan of born-again Christians, Jason was just an all-around nice guy and good person; meanwhile, Danielle made me laugh and kept me entertained with her colorful, verbose, and cocky Diary Room confessionals. Once that season’s evicted houseguests went home and watched Danielle’s sessions in the Diary Room, they viewed her as entitled and pompous...which was largely why she lost the jury vote to Lisa. This was ultimately why, beginning with Season 4, Big Brother producers shrunk the size of the jury while keeping jury members sequestered in a plush Jury House (so they wouldn’t be swayed by what was said in the finalists’ Diary Room confessionals).

Season 4 had David Lane, a former Army ranger who was evicted early in the game (Week 3) but was a likable dude very much in the mold of Jason Guy. That season’s winner, Jun Song, shepherded the “floater” strategy (alongside the even-more-reviled Alison Irwin, with whom she went to the Final Two) while having the house wrapped around her fingertips as she played the simultaneous roles of “house chef,” “chic chubby girl,” and “firebrand comic relief.” Song even earned the vote of her ex-boyfriend, Jee Choe, on that season’s jury.

Pilates instructor Erika Landin, who would later return for Big Brother: All-Stars (where she placed second to Malin, after entering an ill-conceived “showmance” with him) was competitive-yet-boring, but I enjoyed her if only for her gaudy pink hat that she was forced to destroy during a wardrobe-burning competition. Irwin’s ex-boyfriend, Justin Giovinco, was the leader of the Three Stooges Alliance (consisting of him, Jee, and Erika’s ex-boyfriend, Robert Roman). Giovinco had the most charisma and best leadership skills of the “Three Stooges” (which is probably why the rest of the house targeted him before Jee and Robert)...plus he looked great with his clothes off!

The standout of Big Brother 5, by far, was Nakomis Dedmon, a Goth-like Texas hostess whose chill-but-assertive gameplay got her all the way to the Final Four. Nakomis helped to conceive and execute the first “backdooring” strategy (evicting someone by NOT initially putting them on the block, and waiting to nominate them until after the Power of Veto has been used). Her in-house reunion (which had been secretly orchestrated by the producers) with long-lost brother Michael Ellis (aka Cowboy) was rather poignant...even though they ended up at odds with each other, and ultimately, estranged. When she returned for Big Brother: All-Stars, Dedmon was the second houseguest evicted due to her reputation from Season 5 as a strategic threat.

I also enjoyed Will Wikle, a gay R.N. who was a part of the Pinky Swear Alliance put together by Nakomis. His strategy wasn’t that great, but Wikle was carefree, outgoing, and had a fantastic body. Drew Daniel, the winner of that season, was both sexy and humble...and, really, the only redeeming member of the Four Horsemen Alliance. Sadly, in the years since, Drew has followed the paths of Jasinski and McDonald, being tasered by police when resisting arrest after having domestic violence charged filed against him.

Marvin Latimer, Season 5’s resident house chef, was a South Carolina mortician who shared tentative partial-alliances with both the Four Horsemen and Pinky Swear Alliances. His “floater” strategy got him eliminated mid-game, but he brought a lot of high energy and many entertaining quips to his time on the program. Latimer now hosts a YouTube broadcast known as “The Marvin Show.”

In spite of her creepy and pathological obsession with Cappy, Season 6 runner-up Ivette Corredero was someone who I actually found endearing with her outspokenness and fiery Latina personality. I thought Janelle Pierzina was amusing in blending her “ditzy blonde” demeanor with fierceness in winning competitions, and I can understand why she became a “fan favorite.” Howie Gordon was a loud, overbearing train wreck – but I have to give him points for being amusing to watch...mostly due to his obsession with “boobies,” his sexually-unbridled banter, and the fact that he made life miserable for Lewis (coining the nickname “Busto” for her).

Big Brother All-Stars was so disappointing that I will skip over most of it. I just couldn’t get past Malin’s atrocious presence (for which Rosie O’Donnell later called him out, on The View). One of the few highlights was when Nilson Schaffrich, Song, and Latimer returned as guest co-hosts for a food competition (since they each had histories of cooking extensively for their respective housemates).

My favorites from Season 8 were Kail’s onetime alliance mates in the short-lived Mrs. Robinson Alliance. With Kail being the middle-aged mother figure in the house that season, she initially aligned herself with three young guys: Mike Dutz, a contractor/model who got himself evicted by targeting Evel Dick; Nick Starcevic, a former college football player remembered for entering a “showmance” with Evel Dick’s estranged daughter, Daniele, who was paired with her father as part of that season’s “Nemesis” twist; and Zach Swerdzekski, a dimwitted-but-likable graphic designer who had a penchant for self-deprecating nudity. Out of all of them, only Swerdzewski made it deep into the game (placing third to both of the Donatos).

Even amid the trash heap that was Big Brother 9, there were a few decent houseguests: TMZ reporter Parker Somerville, who was shafted by the season’s “Soulmates” twist; Alex Coladonato, a charismatic Staten Island DJ, who, much like Somerville, was voted out early due to the twist; and James Zinkand (aka “Crazy James”), who went on to become the “fan favorite” due to his garishly-dyed hair and adventurous personality.

Season 10 marked a resurgence in quality for Big Brother. There were more twists, better casting, and heightened drama. Brian Hart was the handsome and charismatic techno-entrepreneur who had the distinction of being the first one voted out, due to houseguests’ perception of him as a Nakomis-like strategic threat. Despite her perverse friendship with Jerry/Ollie/April, I found Michelle Costa to be saucy and spirited...and I wish she would have lasted longer.

Then there were the season’s two Dynamic Duos: Keesha Smith, the outspoken sweetheart who bonded with the baudy and lovably loud Renny Martyn (a hairdresser from New Orleans, who always sported garish outfits amid a spicy tongue with which she lashed out at household troublemakers).

However, Season 10’s winner, Dan Gheesling, and runner-up, “mixologist” Memphis Garrett, formed the memorable Renegades Alliance. Gheesling perfected an under-the-radar strategy by being down-to-earth and endearing, staying out of all the boisterous drama of the house...basically laying around and reading (especially his Bible) while everyone else shouted each other down. He defeated Memphis in the show’s first unanimous jury vote once they cruised into the Final Two together. Gheesling’s Diary Room confessionals – where he borderline-shouted his observations, probably as a consequence of being a high school football coach – were priceless.

Season 11: this was the season that marked a turning-point for the power of “showmances” in the house. “Fan favorite” Jeff Schroeder (single-handedly responsible for getting Jessie evicted via the “Coup d’Etat” twist) and Jordan Lloyd formed one of the show’s most memorable and enduring “showmances.” Jeff fell on his sword by overplaying, midgame; but Jordan was rewarded with the half-million dollar prize by taking the much-hated Natalie Martinez with her to the Final Two. And, to this day, the relationship between “Jordeff” remains solid.

Other likable contestants that season were brainy scientist Michele Noonan, who tried to play a low-key game but was later forced to embrace her role as a “quiet devil;” Kevin Campbell, the gay graphic designer who aligned with Jessie’s allies while keeping his distance from Jessie himself; and Casey Turner, a fortysomething married father and DJ who was just plain fun and chill.

In spite of the disappointment that was Big Brother 12, I have to give major props to that season’s winner, Hayden Moss – jovial, loyal, humane, free-spirited, uninhibited, and competitive. It’s not surprising that Moss went on to compete in Survivor: Blood vs. Water (where he placed seventh) – the first Big Brother contestant to do so. Pharmaceutical rep Britney Godwin was also hilarious in her Diary Room confessionals, and Reilly’s “showmance” partner Brendon Villegas was overall a really good (and hot!) guy, despite being utterly clueless.

Out of the newbies in Season 13, Dominic Briones (who would later go on to marry housemate Daniele Donato in real-life) was a convivial and boisterous dude who was evicted way too early (due to Schroeder’s bullying). Likewise with Cassi Colvin, a bold and candid young woman evicted right after Briones (due to Reilly’s bullying). And, although she was evicted during the jury phase, Daniele was given a much greater opportunity to shine this season compared to four years earlier when she’d played second banana to her father.

Season 14 was when Big Brother began to get really good. The “Coaches” twist (and especially the returns of Gheesling and Godwin) featured some of the most eclectic newbies in years. Among them: Frank Eudy (son of professional wrestler Sid Vicious), a mop-headed competition beast whom Malin adopted as the newest member of “Chilltown;” JoJo Spatafora, a cheeky Staten Island bartender who, much like Somerville, Hart, Briones, and Colvin in seasons before hers, was evicted way too early; Jenn Arroyo (known affectionately by housemates as “JennCity”), a lesbian heavy-metal rocker; Shane Meaney, a hunky Vermont house-flipper who also dominated the physical competitions; and, of course, the lovable Ian Terry, a nerdy-but-shrewd Tulane graduate (and eventual winner of Season 14) who, as a lifelong fan of Big Brother, memorably blindsided Malin – his own former “coach” prior to the reset.

Just last summer, even amongst the “racists and fools” of Season 15 were some gems: McCrae Olson, the pizza delivery guy who formed a “showmance” with house bully Amanda Zuckerman; David Girton, a studly lifeguard who was the first one evicted (after forming a “showmance” with house racist Aaryn Gries) that summer; and the season’s “housemother,” Chicago political consultant Helen Kim.

Unfortunately, the season’s winner and runner-up, Andy Herron (Big Brother’s first openly-gay winner) and GinaMarie Zimmerman, also displayed much bigotry and depravity...which was witnessed by those watching the live feeds, but didn’t make it into their television edits (which, because they were so favorable, caused me to really like them both). Also, GinaMarie developed an obsessively-entertaining infatuation with houseguest Nick Uhas (the second player evicted), a cute-and-hilarious pro skater who, like so many others before him, went out way too early.

As I write the above recollections from the past fourteen years, it only reinforces to me how Big Brother is a microcosm of our flawed society. Sometimes people get rewarded for bullying or idiocy, and sometimes they get called out on it. Sometimes entertaining and sociable people make it far in life, but other times they’re stymied by those who view them as “a threat.”

This is probably why I find myself getting wrapped up in who stays and who goes, as I watch, every summer. When I love a houseguest, I want her or him to make it far in the game – because it’s like spending an hour a week with a good friend. By contrast, if I loathe a houseguest, I want him or her to be evicted (and to see them humiliated based on their negative antics) because that’s one less week I have to endure them on my TV screen.

And, of course, there are always the “train wrecks” – houseguests whom I enjoy watching solely for entertainment value, even though I can’t take them seriously as a contestant (and, in reality, they have no decent shot at actually winning). Often times, these overwrought players will function as “tokens” who create hilarity and chaos in the house (giving my favorites more of a chance to go farther in the game).

Just some of the most hilarious memories from Big Brother history...

Identical twins Adria Klein and Natalie Carroll revealing the “Twin Twist” to their Season 5 housemates, as they’d been switching clothing and spots in the house for weeks at that point.

Newly-minted HoH Pierzina chanting “Bye, Bye, Bitches!” after putting up two members of The Nerd Herd (Ausburn and Vasquez) on the block.

Stein revealing he was secretly “America’s Player” during the Big Brother 8 finale.

All the drama caused by the Season 10 houseguests on Keesha’s birthday...which was all instigated, of course, by Jessie. It culminated in the houseguests serenading Keesha with a half-hearted version of “Happy Birthday” – after which, the fighting picked right back up (again, no thanks to Jessie!).

Jeff using the Coup d’Etat, which led to Jessie’s eviction.

Kevin becoming exasperated when Natalie, Lydia, and Chima basically formed a “mini-cult” venerating Jessie in the aftermath of his eviction (which was eerily similar to the “Cult of Cappy” perpetuated by “The Nerd Herd” in Season 6).

The “wild child” and much-tattooed houseguest, Lydia Tavera, having an epic meltdown after her ally, Jessie, was evicted.

Julie Chen interviewing Malin, Reyes, Pierzina, and Evel Dick about their views on Season 11 (watch for the moment when, after Malin partially defends Chima’s state-of-mind which led to her expulsion, Evel Dick tells Malin that he “should jump off a bridge”).

Britney calling out Malin, after he stopped ignoring her, six days into the “Coaches’ Season” (Big Brother 14).

Malin watching his “goodbye videos” after his blindside eviction...and learning that Ian had a large hand in his demise.

Gheesling orchestrating his own “funeral” (after emerging from a solitary confinement punishment) in order to get himself off the nomination block.

So far this season, I have my least favorites. Two of them have already been evicted: Devin Shepherd, a mashup of Godderz and Littman (with a little bit of Kass McQuillen, from Survivor: Cagayan, thrown in), whose strategy and logic were completely nonexistent during his three weeks in the house; and Paola Shea (known as “Pao-Pao”), a walking caricature of the “deceitful Filipina” stereotype...who, based on her individual behavior, was just plain annoying.

Then we have Donny Thompson, the kind-hearted Duck Dynasty reject who is clearly designed to be Cowboy 2.0 (although he’s a lot smarter than Cowboy – not that that’s saying much). Caleb Reynolds is a young redneck whose romantic obsession with housemate Amber Borzotra borders on pathological, rivaling that which GinaMarie had toward Nick last season (or that which Natalie Cunial had toward Matty in Season 9). And there’s Victoria Rafaeli, a complete waste of space due to her utter pointlessness (could she become the next April Lewis or Adam Poch?)...obviously, her audition for Shahs of Sunset didn’t work out.

Who do I like this season? Along with Amber, I’m really digging Tucson barista Christine Brecht (and her “chickmance” with fellow geeky housemate Nicole Franzel). Hayden Voss (one syllable away from the namesake of Season 12’s winner) is a super-cool surfer-like dude who doesn’t actually surf (he drives a PediCab in Long Beach). Palm Beach economics graduate Zach Rance and sales account executive Cody Calafiore would totally be my “bromance” partners, if I was in the house.

And I want Frankie Grande (the real-life brother of pop music superstar Ariana Grande) as my husband!

This season, Grodner has introduced the “Team America” twist, where America voted for three houseguests (Donny, Frankie, and Rhode Island cop Derrick Levasseur) to perform acts of sabotage all season long; each member of Team America will be awarded $5,000 for every mission they successfully complete.

Also, every week TWO Heads of Household are crowded, and each of them nominates two houseguests for eviction. Then, the four nominees compete in the “Battle of the Block,” where the victorious pair automatically comes off the chopping block and overthrows the HoH who nominated them.

So what twists would I add to the Big Brother House? How about a season where we return to there being only one HoH each week – and he or she has the choice to nominate two, three, or as many as four individual houseguests for eviction. If four different houseguests are nominated for eviction, there would be two Power of Veto winners in the veto competition; and if one or both of those veto-holders chooses to leave the nominations intact, then one or two of the nominees would automatically come off the block based on an online vote (the result would still be the same: only two houseguests remain on the chopping block when it’s time to vote for eviction).

But why would an HoH nominate more than two people? Isn’t that just extra blood they’d be getting on their hands (pissing more people off)? Maybe – but, alternately, it could be a good strategy for targeting a large alliance, for taking out one of many multiple threats (strategic or physical), or for trying to get a “floater” evicted by stacking the chopping block with several covert allies.

I also would switch up the “Haves/Have-Not’s” competition (including the food reward and penalties) each week. First, while putting the losers on “slop” was entertaining during the first few seasons when it was used as a punishment, it’s gotten old. I still think there should a be “food restriction” for losers, but it should become a bit more creative than merely placing the losing team on “slop” and two bizarre items.

What I would do is turn it into a three-team competition where three separate groups of houseguests compete to become either the “Haves,” “Could-Haves,” and “Have-Nots” each week. Additionally, during weeks when the number of competing houseguests isn’t equally divisible by three, the statuses of “Haves,” “Could Haves,” and “Have-Nots” would be assigned via a collective house competition (everyone other than the HOH receives the same status, depending on how they do), or perhaps dispersed on the whims of a reward competition winner, or maybe even be based on failure to meet an endurance standard in a timed competition.

Under my blueprint:

Haves would receive: an unlimited gourmet food selection (compiled from a lengthy grocery list of their choosing), unlimited access to all of the Big Brother House’s amenities, and even some luxurious theme parties (which the “Could-Haves” and “Have-Nots” would be unable to attend).

Could-Haves (most likely, the runners-up in the competition) would receive: basic food rations (including, but not limited to, peanut-butter-and-jelly) that fall into every category on the food pyramid, standard house privileges (including hot showers and comfortable beds), but zero access to “special events” (with the exception of things specifically approved by producers, such as celebrating a houseguest’s birthday).

Have-Nots would receive: a very limited selection of approximately one dozen “bizarre” foods that are voted on by America, cold showers (producers turn off the showers’ hot water when a Have-Not is preparing to shower), and horrible sleeping conditions.

These “bizarre” foods (assigned to the “Have-Nots”) would be items that fans could vote on through the CBS website each week. The top twelve foods (voted on by America) would be the only edibles (aside from water and condiments) which the “Have-Nots” may consume during that week. These “culinary delights” could include morsels such as escargot (snails), tofu, mole, seaweed, pickled peppers, sea cucumber, whelk (sea snail), squid, octopus, sea urchin, frog legs, ostrich, kumis, fava beans, chicken hearts, kielbasa, reindeer, salo (pork belly), head cheese, jellied eels, herring, conch meat, duck livers, mussels, fish maw, Spam musubi, lutefisk, roti (Indian wholemeal bread), fresh durian, salak, ube (purple yam), wheatgrass, flax, nettles, etc.

Also, “slop” would still be available for the “Have-Nots” to exclusively consume – but only on a voluntary basis. So why would any contestant voluntarily agree to eat that rancid stuff? For every full bowl (16 ounces) of “slop” that a “Have-Not” is able to successfully consume during their “Week of Hell,” that contestant receives $1,000 (per bowl).

There are countless twists they could add...and, most certainly, countless seasons of Big Brother ahead of us.

As you can see, based on how long this article has run, my addiction to Big Brother is one that I’m not going to kick anytime soon.

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