#(and also bc of the general tendency to place more import on brother-brother relationships than brother-sister)

[markantonys]

people are always splitting the trakand family dynamic into elayne vs. her brothers, but if you ask me it's actually more like

[earths-roots-grow-up]

Headcanon abt Prussia’s psychology and historical relationship with Poland underthe cut. I hope you like it :)

Fact: The Polish-Teutonic wars were a series of military conflicts that started in 1308 when Teutonic Order took over polish city of Gdańsk (Danzing) and annexed it (event is knows as Slaughter of Danzing). After that came the first Teutonic War, in which the Order won Pomerelia from Poland. It was the beggining of larger Polish-Teutonic conflict that lasted for over 200 years and some following wars include:

- The second Teutonic War, a conflictr that took place between 1409 (when the Grand Master declared war on Poland and Lithuania) and 1411 when the conflict ended with Battle Of Grunewald. Teutonic Order lost and had to retreat, then manage to withstand the Siege of Malbork. The Knights did survive the defeat, but they never again gained their previous influence and power, while Poland-Lithuania was established as one of main powers in Central Europe. After wiki: "Most of the brothers of the Order were killed (during the final battle), including most of the Teutonic leadership". Many Teutonic fortresses were taken over and only eight castles reminded in Teutonic hands after this conflict. - The Thirteen Years' War, when the Order's Prussian territories began a revolt against the Order and asked Poland for help. Poland was like ‘hell yeah, let me make this my problem!’ and Prussian Confederacy/Kingdom of Poland truce was created. This war ended with the Knights losing and having to give up Western Prussia to Poland. - The Polish–Teutonic War 0f 1519–1521 that ended with a treaty of Kraków - this treaty resulted in parts of Order's Prussian territories becoming secularized as the Duchy of Prussia under polish rule (4 years later). This was sealed by the Prussian Homage of 10 April. There were more conflicts between 1308 and 1521, but I don't want to write an entire book here, so I reccomend the Polish-Teutonic War site on wiki, it has a pretty comprehensive list :). So in super short oversimplified terms, as I understand it: The wars started at the beginning of the 14th century with Teutonic aggression and lasted for over 200 years, during which Poland and the Order pretty much became THE RIVALS. The turning point was the battle of Grunwald when the Order lost a lot of its power, but still had some fight in it. It ended with Teutonic Knights secularizing and becoming a vassal state to Poland. This of course completely turned upside down after Prussia became independent again, got the status of a Kingdom and pretty much whipped Poland off the map in 1700s for 100 years, so I guess Prussia never forgets (which is one of my fav HCs for him xD).

Headcanon:

So my most obvious headcanon that comes from this is the hate/hate relationship that Poland and Prussia have. I believe they really can't stand each other and view each other as enemies. Their whole history is pretty much one somehow dominating the other or attempting to dominate him - from the Teutonic Wars, through Prussia becoming Poland’s vassal and then tables turning and Prussia (& Austria & Russia) partitioning Poland into nonexistence & and the Germanization that followed, until WW2 when they also fought. It’s a pattern.

It's like they live for revenge and each revenge has to be more brutal and dramatic than what happened before. It’s a snowball of anger that escalates. And I HC that yes, all of this was seen by both of them as revenge for the previous hurts and both of them believe the other deserved it for what he did before. The difference between them is that Poland views himself mostly as the victim that fights back (due to Polish martyrology culture, which is strong in the historical nation narrative [The Christ of Nations, etc], and the general belief in the “Germanic Aggressor”) and Prussia sees himself as the conqueror who has been humiliated by someone lesser (due to his general lack of empathy for those he sees as victims, so he would never cast himself as one, he himself wants to be casted as the aggressor, as to him this position means power and agency).

Prussia can never get why Poland kinda glorifies himself as the Victim and The Martyr (an important element of Poland’s identity), as to him that makes no sense, being a victim is pathetic, right? and Poland can't understand why Prussia glorifies himself as the conqueror as to him he's just a bloody tyrant so why would you be proud of that, right?

They see value in different things to the most basic level, which makes communications very hard - and both of them see value in things that end up being destructive to them, bc both the ‘Might is Right!’ and the ‘My suffering makes me SpEcIaL!’ thinking is not healthy. They are both messed up, just differently. But the way they are messed up kinda... makes them the perfect enemies and makes it easy to escalate conflict. They fit in this very pathological way, when Poland needs to “suffer” for his national identity of the Martyr of Europe to make sense and he needs someone to cast as the aggressor, while Prussia needs to attack and conquer to see himself as the badass powerhouse of Europe he wants to be. They are like the perfect toxic relationship - they bring out the worst in each other due to their specific world-view quircks, so it kinda makes sense that their history is so bad.

But my second less-obvious headcanon is:

Prussia began the Teutonic Wars with the slaughter of Danzing because he was young, ambitious and very impulsive. Gilbert has a hot temperament and a strong desire to be active - and he did exactly that, without really thinking through the ramifications of attacking a big established country while being just a young Knights Order. You can see this on macro scale in the Teutonic Wars and on micro scale in the Battle on lake Pejpus where he charged on a frozen lake. He was so into attacking that he never even considered the environment. The thing is, this failures (and his hot temper!) almost killed him. He literally almost died due to the lost wars, lost most of his power and had to completely re-invent himself from a military crusading catolic Knights Order into a secularized Duchy just to SURVIVE and ended up under the Polish boot for years. His biggest enemy’s boot. And he needed to kneel in front of him. This is IMO an incredibly important moment for how his further development went. The Ordnung Muss Sein discipline-is-key culture and the strategic mindfulness that become a second nature to him start here, when he almost dies because of his reckless actions. It also ingrained a sense of deep humiliation connected to the Prussian Homage that only installed the need for power EVEN MORE. Before he wanted power because he hated the feeling that he is less important than Actual Counties and believed he was given unfairly bad cards by being born without land. Now tho there's an extra motive: fear. Fear of being subjugated. And revenge. This kick started the process of creation of Kingdom of Prussia as we know it - so the transition from a wild-child-Order that just went with the flow and threw himself into battle on literal iced-over lake, into a very calculating, rational thinking soldier who assesses the room and everyone in it at the moment he enters and is hyper aware of all the environment and situation that accompanies his conflicts. So I guess the short version is: Prussia is very disciplined and controls his anger very well but that's not how he always was. He’s a powerful force of nature, a wildfire, that is being reigned in by the self-imposed diligent soldier discipline in order not self destruct. It becomes his second nature, he becomes the Machine, bc if he stayed the Wild Child he started as, he would have perished and he is aware of that. So this explains why he is so merciless about his discipline and order - it’s not just a preference he has, on a more primal level it’s about survival to him. Natural tendencies still sometimes slip through, especially when he's tired, drunk or in any way vulnerable. I like to HC that you can hear the more crazy part of him when he laughs - it's such a loud, boisterous, overwhelming laughter that it does not seem to fit his cold, diligent matter-of-fact soldier-persona at all. It's bc what's inside is spilling out in the laughter. You can also see it when he parties ;)

You can also see it in violent outbursts of anger that happen when he is REALLY on edge. They are kinda scary. But most of his ‘anger outbursts’ (and wars)  are calculated and planned to get his way with minimal consequences. The truth is, he feels like he failed himself whenever he really looses control.

My other HC about Gil as Teutonic Knghts can be found here, here, here and here if you like my rambly takes :)

[nineteenninety-six]

Crooner

REQUEST:  Hi! I love your writing and I have a little request since I’m in quarantine and so down and bored. I don’t know if you’ll be able to do it but here it goes! Pairing Tommy Shelby x reader, they were together for a while but they split bc Tommy is focused in work and the f!reader (or OC) is tired of Tommy’s cheating so she goes to London and stays with Ada and there she meets a crooner (Alex Turner it’s in my head haha) and Tommy is searching for him bc is an important communist and +  + and when Tommy finds him the reader is flirting with him so Tommy goes to Ada’s to tell her about the crooner. The reader comes back to Ada’s and starts telling her about the crooner how handsome and awesome he is etc even though Ada tries to stop her and Tommy hears until he is so pissed off that he comes where they are and idk how it ends between Tommy and reader actually haha bad prompt I know but maybe you could use the idea. Thanks, I’ll keep reading and I hope you’re okay! 💖

I know this is bad but I really struggled with it and I’m p sure, it’s been in my inbox for like 2 months and it needed it to be done and I’m not going to do a 2nd part, it was hard enough to do this one.

I’ve been watching NCIS on Netflix recently and I never realised how funny it was lmao

“You’re not serious.” Tommy gaped

“I am.”

Tommy stared at the woman in front of him in shock. After several years together, (Y/N) had decided to end the relationship, she had reached her limit of lonely night after lonely night along with Tommy’s lack of presence, in general, made her realise that their relationship was very one-sided with her being the only one who made an effort, not to mention her suspicions of him cheating.

“Why?”

“Why?” (Y/N) scoffed, “You’re not that clueless, are you?”

“(Y/N)--”

“Tommy, you are practically married to your work!”  

“Without my work, we wouldn’t be where we are!”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Tommy!” (Y/N) bit back

“Then, what are you saying?!”

“There’s a difference between being invested in your work and being so involved that you start to push the people around you away!”

Like every conversation they’ve had over the past month, it descended into a shouting match. It was another reason which prompted (Y/N) to leave, the fact that they couldn’t even have a conversation that didn’t end with one of them storming out in anger was a problem.

“Where are you going?” Tommy asked with a resigned sigh.

“London. I’m going to stay with Ada.” 

“Alright.” Tommy nodded at her before turning around and leaving the room.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes at his overdramatic behaviour before picking up her bags and leaving the house. She wanted to leave Small Heath as soon as possible.

-----------------------------------------

(Y/N) had settled into London nicely, Ada had gotten her a job at the library and she hadn’t seen nor heard of Tommy since she had left Birmingham. She knew that Ada kept in contact him with him but the other woman had thankfully never brought his name up.

Ada decided to take her to a small club one evening, for a girls night out. The club was full but not packed and on that particular evening, there was a band performing who’s singer sparked something in her. As soon as he began singing, she was starstruck, her eyes never left him and her mouth was slightly agape, it didn’t help that he had noticed her gaze and threw her smirks, winks as he was performing. The man was handsome, with his dark hair and dark coloured eyes, he had a certain allure to him. 

Ada watched in amusement as her friend watched the band with rapt attention until they finished their set and it was only then was she able to snap out of her daze.

“Wow…”

Ada giggled, “You see something you like?”

“Ada!” (Y/N) shrieked, “It’s not like that.”

Ada continued to laugh, not believing her words before she abruptly stopped, her eyes going wide once she spotted something behind (Y/N), who didn’t notice Ada’s sudden silence.

“Hi…” The person behind (Y/N) whispered, causing the woman to gasp and turn around in shock.

“Hi…” (Y/N) whispered back, eyes wide.

“I’m Alex.” He grinned and stuck out his hand for her to shake, “I saw you from the stage. Did you like the songs?”

“(Y/N).” She shook his hand, “Yeah, I thought they were great.”

Alex smiled at her causing a rush of heat to flood to her cheeks. He was as charming as he was handsome.

“Would you like to go out together sometime?”

“I-I uh...sure! Absolutely.” (Y/N) stuttered.

“Heard of ‘The Ivy’?” 

(Y/N) nodded.

“How does Wednesday at five sound?” Alex asked.

“Sounds great.” (Y/N) smiled at Alex.

“Great.” With one last smile and wink, Alex left the women.

Once she was sure he was out of hearing distance, (Y/N) squealed with Ada, unable to believe what just happened.

“Holy shit..” (Y/N) breathed.

“You’re telling me.” Ada sighs

Wednesday came quicker than (Y/N) expected and before she knew it, she was stood in front of a mirror, looking over of her outfit one last time before she had to leave and after a thumbs up and a wish of good luck for Ada, she was off to The Ivy.

The more time (Y/N) spent with Alex, the more she fell for him. He was gorgeous, charming, and a gentleman, she was falling hard and she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Alex was also safe, he wasn’t involved in any gangs or bad business as far as she knew, and it was the complete opposite of Tommy.

While (Y/N) was on her date, Tommy had travelled down to London to meet with Ada, he knew she still had communist ties even though Freddie had died and he needed her help with tracking down someone in particular.

“I need contact with your communist friends Ada.” Tommy pushed past his sister and walked into his house.

“They’re not my friends, Tommy.” Ada rolled her eyes.

“Right, you call them comrades don’t you?” Tommy sarcastically said.

“Tommy.” Ada wasn’t in the mood to deal with Tommy and his attitude.

Tommy pulled a photo out of his pocket and showed to Ada, “His name is Alex Turner and I need him.”

Ada blinked in shock at the photo that laid before her, it was the man from Saturday, the one who (Y/N) was currently on a date with and she was most definitely not going to tell Tommy anything about him.

“I’ve never seen him or heard of him,” Ada said nonchalantly.

Tommy huffs, “That’s why I want you to contact your friends Ada.”

“If it’s so important Tommy, then you can contact them yourself.”

Then opened his mouth to bite back but was interrupted but the front door opening and you voice ringing loudly through the house.

“Ada! Ada! Oh my god, Alex is so perfect and we’re going on a second date on Saturday.” (Y/N) gushed as she walked through the house, trying to find her friend.

Ada quickly motioned her brother into the kitchen before she rushed out to meet her friend.

“(Y/N)!” Ada met her friend in the hallway just before the kitchen and quickly turned her around and dragged her to the living room, “A second date already? You must seriously like him.”

“I do. He’s such a breath of fresh air.” (Y/N) confessed, “It’s so peaceful compared to Tommy.”

Tommy had overheard everything in the Kitchen and he lost his patience at what heard and stormed into the living room, surprising the women who sat there,

“One month and you’ve already moved on?” Tommy scoffed as he stopped in front of them.

“Tommy? What are you doing here?” (Y/N) stood up, confused

“Can’t I visit my sister?” Tommy sarcastically ask

“You know that not what I meant!” (Y/N) huffed, already frustrated with him.

“Who are you going out with?” Tommy changed the conversation back to the original topic.

“It’s none of your business. God, it’s times like these that I’m really grateful that I’m no longer with you. You’re a controlling freak!” With one last glare, (Y/N) stormed out of the room.

Tommy turned to his sister and raised his eyebrows but she merely shrugged, not wanting to get involved but she did believe, (Y/N) had a point,  Tommy had a tendency to be ‘too much’.

Tommy huffed at his sister’s lack of reaction and left the house in a strop, too angry to remember the original reason why he came to Ada’s in the first place. 

[obeymematches]

gumdopfairy matchup request~

Hello! May I request a matchup? Sorry if it is too long. ><

Synopsis: I come off as distant and awkward. I don’t talk much and if I do, I am agreeable and soft-spoken. I would say I am sensitive, transparent, emotional, understanding, curious, carefree, and clumsy. I am expressive and am not afraid to show my feelings, people would say I am an open book. I always cry at sad movies or scenes where you’re supposed to cry. I have 4 siblings and it’s fun but tiring at the same time, I’m the butt of every joke and am treated like the youngest. I also like to tease those I am very close with. I am expressive and (sometimes childish) with those I am very close to and agreeable with the general public. In a group work setting, I am diligent and reasonable when doing my job.

Habits/Interests/Dreams: I say ‘what the heck’ a lot, it’s a habit tbh. I rant when I am passionate. A dream of mine is to enjoy life with people I love, to travel, capture beautiful scenery and eat lots of sweets! I like learning about international cultures, languages and funky things like did you know smelling your own fart prevents  Alzhimer’s disease because of hydrogen sulfide and egg-smells? LOL.

Travel, psychology, and society-related documentaries interests me. I am currently a (elementary) A2 level Korean, I want to study more of the language because I like Korean music and culture. The concept of time travel, multitudes of reality and isekai worlds intrigue and fascinate me, I like reading fictional stuff about it. I have good knowledge of geography. My siblings always tease me when the number 13 shows because…..I want to always avoid the number and really hate that number. I used to do judo in high school and I have a fascination with martial arts. :D

Likes/Dislikes: I like pastels, sunsets, flowers, photography, sweets, fried foods, skincare, sparkly stuff, lip gloss, memes, dad jokes and games.

I dislike it when people assume things about me like they know me (when they really don’t), condescending people, ignorance, waking up early and seafood. I like my freedom and want to be independent, and dislike it immensely being forced to do something I don’t want to do. I really don’t like listening to lectures (doesn’t everyone though?). I’m not academically inclined but I have decent grades. I really don’t like math and chemistry T_T

In depth: I am pretty sensitive when people criticize or judge me only if it’s constructive but if it is outright just to insult me than I will say something bc that upsets the heck outta me. Because I have such a big immediate family (there’s 7 of us) I am family-oriented so playing Obey Me really reminds me a lot of my family(esp siblings I have 4). In fact, I do get irritated easily and I am working on my short-temper. I am understanding and always try my best to not look at things just in my perspective but others as well. I am pessimistic in nature but I do genuinely want to see the good in people and in life. When thinking about my feelings and knowing the why I feel the way I do and how it affects others, you could say there is emotional intelligence. :)

My insecurity without a doubt is caring too much on what people think of me and how content I am with myself. I think this is because of me, my past “friends” who judged me so critically which had a negative effect on how I see myself. Because of that, I have very few friends. In fact, I don’t really have any. I kind of just lost my self of self and trust for people. And my insecurity with of how unrefined, incompetent or unlikable I am, I’ve been told a lot to “grow up” and “stop asking dumb questions.”

I want to be loved and not to be judged so harshly. Since I am slowly becoming an adult I have to discard my awkward, playful tendencies in front of others. Even though I have low self-esteem it bothers me when being told that I did something or said something, it discredits my character and what gives one the right to tell me what I did or said when I know myself more than them?

Relationships: I honestly never had a boyfriend or any real close, close friends but I have a very close sibling who I grew up since I was an infant and it’s my younger sister (only by 16 months). She is truly my best friend and sister. I tend to like who are confident but also cool, they’re not domineering. I also find myself liking those who are opposite from me. The airheadness in me juxtaposed with my partner’s grounded nature. I’m pretty reckless and clumsy myself so it’d make sense if someone is reasonable and well-coordinated which would balance us out. My pessimism balanced with his optimism and/or realism.

I can offer my close companionship, humor, someone to listen to your troubles/ranting, and someone you can have ramen with and have conversations about anything without having restraint. Someone who I can be free with. Someone who can accept my flaws and who can help me improve myself and I would do the same for them.

We can laugh together, spend time with each other, make each other cry, fight and be there for each other when we are feeling low. A best friend and a partner for life, someone who would not harshly constrain, judge or tear me down as an individual. Wow, I am crying writing this. I am so idealistic about what I want in my relationships mainly because I never had one but deep down, I don’t think it’s like that in real life.

Hobbies: otome games, learning Korean, pilates/ workout videos, eating, and bothering my siblings

My Fangirl self: I am a big fan of Avatar:The Last Airbender and One Punch Man (Genos is husbando material lol). I also really like Free and Haikyuu. Hot 2D men, babies, and puppies are my weaknesses. I read a lot of romance, isekai, and action webtoons/mangas and like watching it too. 

Appearance wise, I’m 163 cm, and Asian so I have medium standard straight dark hair and I’m slim.

---------

Hey! Thank you for your request! Sorry for the wait!

It was pretty hard to decide who would be the best partner for you. I thought about Beelzebub or Leviathan. Because Levi is into animes, mangas and Asian culture, but Beel loves food and his siblings especially Belphie. Hope you like my decision, because I decided to choose Beelzebub!

Here is why:

I think it’s ideal for Beel to have a quite clumsy girl with him. I can imagine when you, for example, fall down on the stairs and he catch you! He would protect and take care of you. He would be right there for you when you can’t reach something! 

He may look serious and mean, but actually he isn’t!

When you watch a sad movie or when someone judges you, he would try his best to make you feel happy again. Make you some food or maybe cuddle with you! 

You mentioned that you are an open book which would make Beel understand you even more. Being transparent is very important if you want a healthy relationship!

He is very close to his brothers. He would do anything for them. His best friend is Belphegor, and I think it’s good because your best friend is your sibling too. Imagine all of you hanging out like a super big family!! I think Beel can get along with pretty much anyone. 

Beel is very positive and rewarding so it would be ideal for you as there would be a balance. 

Both of you loves to eat, it would be a great date to go eat something, or make food together. I’m sure he will share his food with you! (Especially if you share your food with him too) Trust me he knows the best places to get food from! Also when you travel, he is going to encourage you to try food you maybe wouldn’t otherwise!

He would think your “what the heck” habit is cute though. Imagine him smiling so cutely to hmself every time you say it! If you two hang out a lot he might start saying it a lot too!

Beel would love to hear your voice so talk to him about everything! You can trust him! He is not too talkative himself, so your tendencies to rant gives a good balance!

Moreover he would support you in everything! He is one of the most supporting brothers!

Also don’t worry. He has 6 siblings, it’s much worse than 4, he knows what you mean when you say you are tired!

Beelzebub would join you to watch differents shows  or animes, but make sure there’s food!

I’m sure you would enjoy the time that you spend together! He can be very adorable and careful. Maybe he would invite you to the gym or hiking (or maybe to do judo), but reward you with a kiss for example.

He would make your day better for example with a romantic dinner or to just go out and watch the sunset with a picnic even if it’s the day you don’t like, so he tries to get your mind off it. 

Leviathan would join you if you want to play games or listen to kpop. Of course while this make sure you give food to Beel to make him less jealous. But he is not the most jealous type, so really there’s not much to worry about. 

Furthermore, if you don’t want to wake up early, he would stay in bed with you and cuddle. But sometimes Belphegor would be a better partner for this and he would treat you as his sister.

He would hold your hand until he falls asleep. Think about that!

Chemistry and Math is definitely not Beel’s favourite ones as well. You better get help from Lucifer or Satan! But Beel won’t judge you based on your grades!

He would laugh at your jokes, and try to make you laugh too!

He wouldn’t judge you and say mean things to you because he would really value you and you would mean the world for him beside food.

He needs emotional support though.(SPOILER depending on where you are in the story) Sometimes he blame himself for some mistakes. Thats why it’s nice that you are emotionally mature, he definitely needs someone he can rely on emotionally as well. 

Also he will make sure that you don’t think about what others think of you! He loves you the way you are! 

He is the youngest, so you can be childish together!

He is pretty flexible and confident, so no turn-offs so far!

He is the tallest one so I think you would look super cute next to him (he is like 205 cm lmao)

I think he is really patient and actually encouraging so hanging out with him will definitely boost your confidence!

I think in canon he never really had any relationship before either, so it would be amazing to learn about relationships together! 

I think theres no thing like “thats not how it is in real life”, you just have to keep looking. Fortunately Beel has similar values as you, as he can be shy and that makes opening up to someone hard - meaning the friendship can last some time before you establish a relationship. A healthy relationship is based on being best friends with your partner, so I think you are on the same page. 

Maybe sometimes you and Belphie would team up to prank him, what do you think?

He definitely adores that you care for yourself and that you are stylish! Asmo probably knows more about these than Beel, but thanks to Asmo’s influence Beel will suprise you with how much cosmetics he can name!

So in conclusion he is a very supportive boyfriend, and you are also supporting him through the journey of healing from the past. A very cute relationship and you two can do anything together. He can get you do some sports and you can get him to watch some shows on rainy days. However food is something you both enjoy a lot, so restaurant or cooking dates are common! Even if you travel. Knowing that you can trust the other no matter what will boost the confidence of the both of you! He can be less talkative but that’s fine because you can talk! He is also rather optimistic, so there is a balance in that as well. Sometimes he might get jealous of Levi or Belphie if you hang out with them too much, but thats just something to have a conversation about. He is cool and rather chill, definitely gets along well with your family too, which is very important because both of you are family-oriented! 

[onelichtwolich]

stealin’ this from @forsakenpumpkin <3 i love these character sheet things

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑬𝑻.

Repost, don’t reblog.

BASICS.

full name. chaalupa taaco. nickname. lup, obvi. taako also calls her lulu, lupala, froot lup, lu, and sis. barry also has a slew of romantic pet names. <3 gender. trans lady. height. 5′3″ age. 132 zodiac. gemini, baybee. twinz spoken languages. common, elvish, mongoose, prob could pick up just about anything if bored enough honestly. she has a proclivity towards linguistic shit like that.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair color.  naturally blonde. she likes to put red and orange in it; sometimes dyes it black (w red and orange in it). changes it up. eye color.  green. skin tone.  tan/light brown. she’s a sun elf, baybee. accent.  nope. voice.  prone to lilting in a way very similar to her brother’s. her voice is higher, though, and has a slight rasp to it. also is very loud. she is Unapologetically Herself and she makes sure the entire world knows about it. dominant hand.  gonna say she’s ambidextrous ‘cuz i can do that. i have the power. (prefers the right, though. Taako prefers the left.) posture. sometimes also floating LMAO, when it’s not that she tends to walk p casually but upright, not at all shy or hunched over, chest out sometimes. when in more casual situations she has a tendency to Sprawl and Hang Upside Down off of things like beds and couches. scars.  i do tend to think she has a large one goin’ down her back. doesn’t get many bc of being an elf and healing p quick, but she hasn’t exactly had an easy past free of fightin’. tattoos.  she might like some red phoenix wings or smth, maybe where the scar is. birthmarks.  is this a place to mention she has freckles? probably not. they’re not the same thing, but they are all over her body. maybe has a beauty mark under her left eye. most noticeable feature(s).  well, if you’re not from a world with elves, then probably the ears. they’re v expressive. and also, y’know. she’s a lich. so in that form it’s probably that whole situation.

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth. her homeworld of twosun. birth weight. i dunno? healthy weight, i’d imagine. (i myself did not have a healthy weight so i have no reference LMAO). birth height. I DUNNO. manner of birth. just... a natural birth? first words. this is easy. “koko.” :D siblings. ...koko!! eheheh. she loves her twin brother taako more than anything. he’s her heart. parents. ya, she had some. parental involvement. not great. something Happened to them when the twins were both young, so young she doesn’t rly remember her parents and only remembers coming to live w her aunt and grandfather at the farm.

ADULT LIFE.

occupation. universe-saving astronaut, baybee! at least she was, b4 Isola. and v proud of it, so this is gonna be a hard adjustment for her. current residence.  archimedes. close friends. the whole crew. recently Undyne is the Best Friend bc of Cupid Shuffle shenanigans. ;3 relationship status. married 2 one fine nerd in denim named Barry Bluejeans. financial status. not struggling or anything, and she’ll always b grateful. driver’s license. naw. criminal record. oh yea she’s been kinda a thief ‘n’ a gambler w T before. u do what u gotta to survive. vices. they are canonically listed as “lust, gluttony,” and “pride.” she proudly guesses them before being accused and freely admits to ‘em. no guilt on her end.

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation. bisexual, baybee. romantic orientation. bi/panromantic. preferred emotional role. whispers what. what does this... mean? she likes bein’ there for her husband in whatever way she can, discovering and learning new things together, talking well into the night about stuff, supporting and holding each other through the good and bad times, makin’ music, makin’ food (on her end), just... ...he’s one of her best friends? her role is just... ...what she has w him? she’d never want for anything else. he’s the love of her life. (and she’s poly, too, ‘cuz i say so.) preferred sexual role. this i, personally, as a mun both don’t know about and don’t want to talk about. lup’s not sex-repulsed but i sure am. MOVING ON. libido. it’s healthy and she’s unashamed. what more can b said. turn on’s. denim ;D. a good brain is also sexy. a creative side and a daring side. a nice smile ‘n’ warm hugs, too. kindness. turn off’s. not a big fan of jerks in general. intolerant of cruelty towards herself or others. love language. ...hold on, i’m gonna take a quiz abt this. yup, it’s what i suspected--lup’s a Quality Time kinda gal. she’s big on just spending time w her loved ones and being in their presence, no matter what they’re doing. having experiences together is important. Physical Touch is almost tied. she’s very touchy-feely. relationship tendencies. oh, she’s very casual about it and teasing about it but she’s a Big Ol’ Romantic Sap. once Lup loves you she loves you with her entire being. she’s v passionate and v into the idea of soul mates, largely bc she found hers. she’s hesitant to commit, at first, bc she takes trust and relationships so seriously--it’s a big reason for such a slow burn--but once she does, she’s all in. she’s present with you, she’ll always show affection for you and be around you and help and protect you.

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. i made a whole playlist of ‘em, which i won’t link to here! i think my fav example of a Lup song is “New Constellations” by Ryn Weaver, in terms of summing her up pretty well. hobbies to pass time. i’ve listed ‘em! you can find ‘em in stats. mental illnesses. PTSD for sure, yeah. physical illnesses. nope. fears. failing to protect her loved ones. failing at the mission. losing any of the people she loves forever. harming innocent people. self-confidence level. pretty dang high, LMAO. Lup does not lack in confidence; she’s been through hell to get hers and she’s holding onto it at all costs. she has moments of insecurity just like anyone, but. vulnerabilities. she has a very big heart. cares a whole lot. Taako gets exasperated with her for this, esp when it comes to risking herself for strangers, which he generally wouldn’t do (to him, it’s them vs the world; to her, it’s them for the world). her loved ones being threatened, the idea of harming people, just... she can’t stomach that.

tagged by: no one, baybee. renegade tagging: do it if u want, my friends!

[srnokedmirrors]

* . day to night , dark to light     fall the  s a n d s  o f  t i m e .

                         { ross lynch, twenty-one, trans male, he/him } Have you seen ZELD CYELN “CIEL” NOHANSEN walking around?  Little do they know, they’re the child of LINK & PRINCESS ZELDA from THE LEGEND OF ZELDA, and they HAVE TWO SIBLINGS ( one older, one younger ) .  I guess that explains why they’re so CHARMING & ARTISTIC and GUARDED & INSECURE.  They are a STREAMER. — penned by eve.

FIRST THINGS FIRST.

Hello hello again , folks !! It’s EVE and if you thought I went completely feral about Resident Evil earlier you are . . . sorely mistaken because now we are in Zelda territory and Zelda encompasses literally every fiber of my being. This OC is my most beloved ( despite the fact he’s an absolute prick ) and I have been itching to write him as a next-gen of Zelink , so VOILA , but just a few things !!

I love The Legend of Zelda . . . a lot. That’s the first thing. And my friends call me the Zelda lorekeeper since I know pretty much everything about the games like that back of my hand.

Another - as it’s always been a fact about his character , Ciel here is diagnosed with Type II Bipolar. Now , I want to clarify that I also am the same , and he was originally written as a comfort character to sorta see myself in a character I wrote ( and he became his own dude over the years. ) It’s not something that’ll pop up often , but I just wanted to let y’all know since I’m not gonna erase my own rep , I write from experience since I’m the same. 

TWS AHEAD : Manipulation , mental illness

I. THE PAST - DO YOU REMEMBER ??

The second of The Hero & The Princess - Prince Zeld Cyeln Nohansen , carrying on the traditional naming conventions to keep the name Zelda in the family with obvious corruptions. Your older brother could not - and AS WELL , you are the only child in the family that possesses the holy powers of the royal bloodline that your mother carries , as shown by the brand of the Triforce on the back of your right hand. And immediately , expectations are thrust upon your shoulders before you can even walk.

It’s because of your power that you , instead of the eldest , are to succeed the throne as the next king of Hyrule once you become of age , and although your mother vows to not treat you the same as your father treat her , she often reminds you that the beautiful , sunlight-bathed kingdom will be yours. 

So you grow. You grow & you adapt to the life of royalty , the CROWN PRINCE , and your relationship with your parents is better than most. While you’re significantly closer to your mother than your father , spending your days in the library with her & learning how to paint her visage , you also follow your father out to scope the kingdom on horseback. You grow up kind & gentle , the intelligence of your mother but the softness of your father , and it is well-known throughout the kingdom that you are DESTINED for good things.

It’s when you’re fourteen years old that you meet a boy.

A boy your age , a boy who smiles at you and you get fairies fluttering in your stomach. A boy who tells you that you’re pretty and by Nayru are you getting your first crush ?? 

Hm.

But you can’t see through the lies - that even though you’re young , manipulation knows no age and you are heartbroken to find that this boy leads you to a group of bandits that go on the attack and aim to STEAL the raw power you carry. After you’re tricked into bringing magical artifacts to their clutches , that is , that your family has gathered over the years - the goddess harp , the ocarina of time , and the cursed , wicked Majora’s Mask.

Your father sweeps into rescue you , and although you feel guilty , you aren’t berated for your mistakes. He only wants to know what happened , and if you’re alright , and you’re a sobbing mess but you tell your parents everything and they recognize that the evil forces that plagued them are NOW targeting their offspring. 

You are only fourteen. But the betrayal turns you cold , and you close yourself off , now hesitant to trust. And you learn that there are DANGEROUS forces out there who want to hurt & use you in the same way , hence why you use your mother’s old study connected to her old bedroom ( now currently yours ) and you begin to research , research , research. You look back on the legends of old , and start practicing the magic of not only your bloodline , but the taboo power of shadow - such as that of the TWILI , a project aiming to recreate the mirror. You also use the mask , hoping to tap into the wicked power it carries to turn it around. You train with the Sheikah , as Sheikah blood runs in your veins as well , to master the art of using the shadows & the unseen to your advantage. You become a teenager devoted to your work - a mad scientist & magician , and the whispers of a ‘ mad alchemist prince ’ sweep throughout the kingdom due to the rumors you can stay awake for DAYS working on one thing , before crashing and moving onto the next. 

But there is still pain - a loneliness & a hurt which you try to bury deep down , but it’ll still consume you to the point where you don’t know how to think clearly. You try and mask yourself best you can , but there is still a little boy , deep down , who only wishes to be loved and cared for and cherished by people his own age. Your work is your comfort but you are also learning to sink yourself in it to the point where it’s becoming a hindrance. 

One day , maybe , you’ll get what you want - and everything will be okay. But the world is currently at your throat , so . . . how long will that be ??

Your sixteenth year changes everything. The Crown Prince goes missing , and he is lost without the comfort of his parents.

And he awakens in another day , as a new being , with only his wit & his charm to carry on.

II. PRESENT - WHO ARE YOU , YOURSELF ??

Okay so IN A NUTSHELL Ciel is the crown prince of Hyrule due to the fact he’s essentially the ‘Zelda’ of his generation - the only child that carries the sacred power of the goddess Hylia , and this kid is incredibly smart and artistic but due to being manipulated by dark forces when he was young , he’s EXTREMELY insecure and lacks trust , instead trying to become as powerful as possible by any means possible so he isn’t hurt again since now he’s a target like his parents were.

HIS CHARACTER . . . is incredibly complex. It doesn’t change much with or without memories because even though he hasn’t experienced that same shit , those trust issues & insecurities are still well-embedded into him. The main difference is that he’s still smart , but not because of excessive research on Hyrulean magic & history & technology.

ON THE SURFACE , Ciel appears to be honestly very exuberant , quick-talking , and , to some , annoying. He’s a bit of a loudmouth , he seems harmless in the aspect that he isn’t downright mean or anything , he’s just . . . a nuisance. Charming in the aspect that he knows how to talk his way out of any situation since he has a MOUTH on him , but he knows how to use it. He overshares , it seems , but in turn , he’s actually not revealing anything about himself of any importance. He’s just keeping his cards to his chest but he doesn’t anyone to see so , so he places counterfeit cards on the table.

Ciel is always one step ahead , and the best way to be is to convince everyone else that you’re far behind. 

NOW ON THE INSIDE . . . Ciel is extremely caring & gentle. He cares a lot about the people he loves , but he’s hesitant to open up or trust other people given the fact he doesn’t want to be hurt , and he doesn’t want to make mistakes. He’s very observant & again , incredibly intelligent , knowing well how to read the atmosphere and pick out things that most don’t notice. He is insecure in the fact that he constantly thinks horribly of himself , and although he’s great at hiding it , it’s easy to get his feelings hurt. He hates that he has to keep on a mask since it makes him easily unlikable , but he thinks it’s the only way to stave off the most damage. But he’s a good kid & has a heart of gold , it’s just that . . . his heart has a few booboos on it. He CRAVES love & validation & affection but he’s afraid to ask for it or to take it since he’s gone down worse roads before by opening up to the wrong people.

He’s an artist - very talented in drawing & painting !! His apartment is littered with sketches & drawings and supplies and he would’ve gone to art school but money is tight and he doesn’t know he’s a prince in his actual reality so . . . yeah.

But his day job is that he’s a VERY popular video game streamer named Alchemyst , mainly doing let’s plays of adventure games & stuff with friends to get a good laugh. He also has a tendency to go on hilarious rants in a lot of his videos , resulting in MANY fanmade compilations & memes. He’s got a dedicated fanbase that he openly adores , and streaming also sorta helps him since he is a bit afraid of going into the outside world slightly. 

It’s funny , because as a streamer , he isn’t at all obnoxious or annoying - it’s the closest he gets to acting like himself , even if he has to act a little more EXTROVERTED than he actually is. 

THAT’S THE BASIS again , much more of a show than tell character but . . . Love him. I love him.

I DON’T have much ideas for wanted connections at this point aside from like . . . friends , exes , crushes , enemies , fans of his stream , etc. When I get more of a braincell I’ll put specific stuff down , but if it HELPS his fake life is shrouded in mystery bc Ciel doesn’t like talking about it ( aka , his fake past was p bad so he just prefers to act like he came out of fucking nowhere. )

But that’s it !! I’ll b responding to starters & calls soooon ~ ! I am ALL for plotting if u guys want , so just hit me up on here or Discord n I’ll respond as soon as I can !!

[hollenius]

re neurodivergent headcanons in Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul, I think the first time (a year or so ago) I read something where someone online suggested Chuck was somewhere on the autism spectrum (high functioning/Aspergers), I laughed it off as a ridiculous suggestion, because he didn’t “fit” many of the stereotypical traits seen in other fictional characters or in the popular conception of the topic…but in retrospect, I think that came more from my misunderstanding of the “spectrum” part of it than anything else. It’s definitely a plausible/possible diagnosis comorbid with the anxiety disorder(s) he canonically has.

·         We know Chuck’s a good actor (e.g. his ability to fool Jimmy in “Klick”) and is able to mimic and slip into different sorts of social behaviors (e.g. his ability to social climb from a working class or lower-middle-class family to the world of white shoe law firms), so he’s probably capable of using masking in most public settings. This is apparently a more common trait in autistic women, but men do it as well, if less frequently.

·         Studies asking about the long-term effects of masking seem to imply it takes a physical/emotional/mental toll on the person using it, which might explain why, by the time we see him in BCS, the stress of acting “normal” in meetings and the like, when compounded with the worsening of his anxiety problems, leaves him curled up under a space blanket for hours or even days afterward. Trying to compensate for multiple issues at once is probably even more taxing.

·         He seems prone to getting overwhelmed by things and either shutting down or lashing out in reaction. The most extreme form of the former is when he goes catatonic for hours/days in response to being tazed or put in the CAT scan machine; the most extreme form of the latter is probably him completely losing it and shouting/crying/having to be physically restrained by the hospital staff because he’s so upset about being surrounded by lights/hooked up to an EKG/being recommended for a CAT scan.

·         Contrary to stereotypes, Chuck is decent at reading people (or at least he’s extremely good at reading his brother and knowing how he behaves) and he interacts well with people within a work context, but he doesn’t seem to have any friends outside of it, or much in the way of a social life–the other lawyers hold him in awe as a sort of glorified animate law encyclopedia, rather than someone they would want to hang out with or chat with informally. (Though Chuck doesn’t come across as the sort who would be interested in chit chat with coworkers anyway...) Being totally housebound and cut off from the outside world is upsetting to Chuck primarily because it interferes with his work as a lawyer–we never get the sense that he’s upset about it having any effect on his interpersonal relationships, because he doesn’t seem to have any. This is probably why losing Rebecca hit him so hard. He’s got almost nobody else, besides Jimmy and Howard, and he’s really not emotionally open and unguarded with anyone.

·         He’s got problems dealing with his emotions in general. Even when he’s trying to do his little pain/emotion/medication journal as part of his psychiatric treatment towards the end of season 3, he seems to struggle with articulating his emotional state–he’s just got “average” written down for most of the incidents he’s logged, but he’s not able to write down what his emotion is after he’s unable to sleep after insulting/lying to Jimmy to drive him away for the final time, and he seems to abandon writing in the journal after that & rapidly deteriorates psychologically. From what we see of him in the show, he seems to alternate between being extremely repressed and completely exploding and freaking out.

·         Some people have no interest in having or wanting friends, but I don’t think Chuck’s one of them. He seems pretty lonely. He remarks to Jimmy at one point in season 1 that he doesn’t really mind him hanging around to work on the Sandpiper case in his house because he’s glad for the company, which makes his systematic driving away of Jimmy and the few other people in his life all the sadder. The whole root of Chuck’s jealousy of Jimmy in the first place is that people like Jimmy, and they don’t like him. He makes attempts at being friendly, but struggles to do it on anything deeper than a surface level. (Of course, a lot of Jimmy’s friendliness and charm tends to be pretty shallow too, but I don’t know that Chuck really appreciates that or can tell the difference–all he sees are the results.)

·         He’s tone-deaf with jokes–he famously botches the attempt at a lawyer joke to his wife in the opening flashback in “Rebecca”, but he also makes an awkward attempt at humor when talking to Kim in a present-day scene later in that same episode (“the early bird gets the worm, which is good if you like worms”), which leads to some uncomfortable forced laughter from her. Some people are just serious by nature, but they probably wouldn’t bother trying to make jokes in the first place if that were the case. The fact that Chuck keeps trying to make jokes and failing suggests that there might be some impairment in that area. He sees Jimmy do it, and he sees it work for him, but can’t really manage it himself. (He seems to do ok with deadpan sarcasm though–that comment about young people loving local print journalism is probably my favorite Chuck quote.)

·         He’s very verbal and articulate, but his speech patterns can be a bit odd. He can be indirect and overly formal, which may or may not be an overcompensation for the more stereotypical autistic behavior of being too direct in speech as to be insensitive. He usually winds up still coming off as elitist and assholish anyway, though he may not be intending this/aware of this. When he’s nervous or upset, he tends to devolve into talking at people rather than to them, such as when he starts rambling on about probable cause and assorted legal precedents to the police officers who show up at his house in “Alpine Shepherd Boy”, without noticing that they aren’t even standing at the door anymore. He’s got a lot of information rattling around in his head, which he throws out as a defense, but not always in a way that is helpful; I don’t think talking about Latin translations of the Hippocratic Oath to the doctors sedating him without his consent before sending him in for a CAT scan is doing him any good (NB: the actual Hippocratic Oath is in Greek anyway, and the phrase Primum non nocere dates from a later period, so either Chuck has no idea what he’s talking about, he’s conflating two related things, or he’s freaking out enough that he doesn’t really care at this point).

·         He seems to ignore other people when they’re talking to him altogether if something sets him off or distracts him–when Howard tells him about Kim quitting HHM and teaming up with Jimmy, Chuck immediately tunes him out, to the point where Howard has to ask him if he’s still listening. Chuck says he is, but then walks off in the middle of Howard talking because he’s still distracted by what he said before, sending a confused/concerned Howard following after him. This is at its most extreme when he goes into his rant in “Chicanery” and is totally oblivious to both Galley pleading with him to stop and everybody else in the room staring at him in growing horror/disbelief until he’s far past the point of no return.

·         I’m actually sort of curious about Chuck’s abilities in court prior to the visible deterioration of his mental health, because although he clearly knows a lot about the law, his personality is a bit off-putting. I don’t know if he just sort of brute-forced his way through things because of his knowledge of obscure case law, because based on what I know from the lawyers I’m friends with, there are all sorts of subjective factors that can come into play in a court setting. The sort of things that would drive someone like Chuck nuts, like jurors who deliberately choose to ignore evidence because they’ve decided in advance that they don’t want to convict someone of a crime. (To be fair, this would also drive me completely insane, because I have a really hard time at my own job dealing with people who think the rules shouldn’t apply to them for various reasons.)

·         Chuck has an EXTREMELY black and white view of the world, and a sort of obsession with the authority of law and the importance of following the rules. He’s got really strong perfectionist tendencies within himself. I think a lot of why he gravitates toward the law is that he seems to find all the rules and procedures comforting, in a way--there’s a uniformity to the way the legal world works, and a framework in which everything proceeds--constraints which are equally binding on all participants.

·         Maybe he just knows a ton about the law because he’s a lawyer, but it might also fall into the case of it being a special interest, since his knowledge of obscure case law seems to be regarded as extensive and superlative even by other lawyers. (He reads FEC and ISO reports for fun!)

·         There’s something slightly elliptical about his thinking, and he doesn’t seem to realize that other people aren’t following his thought patterns. (He repeats his “One after Magna Carta!” justification for knowing the Mesa Verde address to Kim and Jimmy  in season 2 as well as to the officials from the Bar in season 3, which seems to suggest that he thinks it is a very obvious and logical connection that other people should grasp, though I’m not sure that it actually is outside of his head.)

·         I’m not entirely sure where the line between nervous tics and stimming is drawn, but he’s got a lot of little fidgety behaviors that come out especially when he’s stressed, especially scratching or shaking or wringing his hands. (The script to “Chicanery” indicates that he’s nearly drawing blood from digging into his hands while on his big rant, but it’s not visible onscreen because we’ve got that wonderful/agonizing slow zoom onto his face instead.) It's not clear if it predates the EHS or not. Sometimes there’s a clear tie in his behavior to perceived pain from electricity, but sometimes there’s not--sometimes it seems to result from him trying to distract himself from the electricity instead, like when he’s trying to stand outside the house for two minutes in “Bingo”. Sometimes he does it while he’s standing around in his house, thinking about something else, like while rehearsing arguments against Jimmy before he heads in to court in “Chicanery”.

·         There’s a pretty strong preference for routine/predictability & distress when it’s altered. (Most people probably would not get so suspicious if a single newspaper wasn’t delivered one day, for example. If it was repeated or frequent or a pattern, yes, but not for a single paper.) His control issues are brought up pretty frequently in fandom discussions; maybe he’s a jerk, maybe he’s just not able to function well in unpredictable situations, maybe it’s a little of both (e.g. Chuck being really bothered by Ernie bringing him the wrong kind of apples, then saying that it didn’t really bother him that much...but then telling Ernie to write it down so that he would get the right apple the next time, indicating that he actually WAS bothered by it)

·         It’s possible his perceived sensitivity to electricity grew out of an existing natural sensitivity or aversion to extremes in light or sound or anything else, but this is pure conjecture because we get so few flashback scenes. (Speaking only from personal experience, I don’t think I’m hurt by electricity, but I can hear lights when they’re turned on, and get uncomfortable/anxious under certain types of light, like fluorescents in big box stores when out shopping, so maybe someone who’s more sensitive to sensory things in general might be more prone to developing a sort of learned distress out of that.)

All of this is very inconclusive! But it’s totally plausible as a reading of the character.

[rebclheartsarchive]

╳ ▌░  TASK ONE

—— ❝ let’s start off easy. tell me the basics. ❞

[ name ] isidora cyra constantinou

[ date of birth ] august 3rd, 1639

[ place of birth ] pella, greece

[ age ] twenty-five

[ religion ] greek orthodox

[ marital status ] married

[ occupation / title ] princess consort of albania

[ gender identity ] cis female

[ allegiance ] the entente, albania and greece especially

[ spoken language(s) ] greek, albanian, spanish, english

[ special skill(s) ] sewing, dancing, embroidery, sculpting, chess, card games

—— ❝ what of your family ?? are they still alive ?? ❞

[ father ] tba, king of the greek empire - ALIVE

[ mother ] tba, queen of the greek empire - ALIVE

[ sibling(s) ] megaira calisto constantinou (26) - ALIVE younger sister (18-20) - ALIVE demetrios de bergano (30) - ALIVE

[ children ] none.

—— ❝  now let’s paint a picture of you. ❞

[ height/weight ] 5′4 / 56kg

[ built ] curvacious

[ hair color ] blonde

[ eye color ] brown

[ accent ] greek

[ voice ] soft and soothing

[ style of speech ] dulciloquent

[ scars ] a scar on her forearm from when she tripped with a knife in her hand.

[ abnormalities ] none.

[ clothing ] so many pastels, light colours, lots of lace and frills and anything high fashion. she has an interest in fashion and has a lot of input in dresses designed for her.

—— ❝ tell us, what kind of person are you ?? ❞

[ star sign ] leo

[ alignment ] chaotic neutral

[ enneagram type ] i’ll do this later

[ COLOR PERSONALITY ]  dark violet #9400D3

Your dominant hues are blue and magenta. You're the one who goes to all the parties but doesn't quite fit in at every one... you know what you want, but are afraid of what the world might think of it. You're a little different and that's okay with them, and if you're smart it's okay with you too. Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right. Your outlook on life is brighter than most people's. You like the idea of influencing things for the better and find hope in situations where others might give up. You're not exactly a bouncy sunshine but things in your world generally look up.

[ WHAT PLANT(S) BEST REPRESENT YOU ]

DANDELION - Scrappy and tough, you’re a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps kind of person. You don’t give up easily and you often thrive in situations that others would find discouraging. You have an instinct to serve others and see yourself as most useful in times or places of crisis, but you may over rely on your toughness and forget how sensitive you really are.

GINGER - Spirited. A feisty and fiery companion, quick with an opinion, a laugh or an idea. Warm, friendly and inviting, you never allow an awkward moment to pass. In fact, even cold and distant people warm up to you more quickly than others. Negative experiences or too much indulgence, however, can send you into a bit of a tailspin, and when hurt you may become quite cold and distant. Ginger people do best when their natural warmth and affection is flowing freely, giving them easy access to their love of life.

SLIMMERY ELM -   Let��s just say you’re a vocal person. Sure, that might mean you’re chatty. But it also means you’re the one humming in the hallway, singing in the shower, speaking your mind, standing up and shouting if need be to get yourself heard. You’ve got a voice and you know how to use it. Inclined to speak up for the voiceless, defend the defenseless or simply bring joy to the joyless, you may have a tendency to overuse your voice.

[ theme/character song ] primadonna - marina and the diamonds

—— ❝ do you have anything more you wish to say ?? ❞

hahaha i’m trash, so meet my daughter isidora cyra constantinou

she’s the middle sister in the greek royal fam and v much has middle child syndrome

as a kid she was always seeking attention from her parents considering she was often overlooked by both her mother and father in favour of megaira and demetrious and all their drama.

was always lowky jealous over both of them and while she definitely does love her siblings, there’s always that part of her that’s wanted to prove she is just as good as they are

when megaira got sent away, she became very determined to fill her place at court. she wanted to be the one her parents paraded around as the perfect princess and as she got a little older she felt it her duty to represent greece and step up to the plate. she made good impressions with foreign diplomats.

she took every opportunity she could to make herself important at court, but underlying that fact, she was always proud of her country and wanted to prove herself. she wanted to be seen as someone as important as dem or meg, someone just as capable of taking care of greece.

she kind of holds a lot of resentment towards her parents, especially their mother. literally all she ever wanted was their approval and for them to notice her, and it’s still something she wants even now.

when she was twenty, albania needed help to protect their borders and turned to greece for such help. to improve the countries relationships, they also arranged a match between isidora and the youngest albanian prince.

isidora wasn’t keen on getting married at all, especially to someone of another country, but she knew the choice would never really be hers anyway and was glad at least that she wasn’t too far from home.

was hella resentful tho about that fact that she was married to a legitimized bastard and wasn’t marrying a king tho like, she’s so bitter. probs wouldn’t be that great at running a country, but she still wanted to be queen.

she never really grew to care for her husband, instead growing closer to his older brother, armir. they were similar in many ways, and went from being friends to her becoming his mistress in the last three years.

she has been ridiculously mad over the fact that her husband has been making excuses for her not to go to bern but when she found out armir had been injured, she decided it was time to come and just fuckin ignore her husband.

is lowkey really excited to be here?? she’s wanted to come since the talks started so that she could see greek fam again and be with armir and overall feel important that she’s there at all.

she really does wanna see peace happen, bc while she’s kind of a brat, she knows that a lot of people have suffered and the state of the europe rn saddens her.

[spacexace-blog]

task one ; development

there is no BEAUTY without some strangeness

general info

full name: baek jinho

nickname(s): jin, jinnie

gender & pronouns: cisfemale ; she/her

sexual & romantic orientation: heterosexual & romantic

age & dob: 23 ; 09/17/94

birthplace/hometown: seoul, south korea

parents/siblings: baek jungho ( father, 44 ) , go chaeyeong ( mother, 43 ) , baek jinyeong ( half-brother, 19 )

astrological sign: virgo

dominant hand: ambidextrous

handwriting style: very neat when she’s trying; if not, her writing almost has a lazy feel to it

language(s) known/spoken: korean, conversational english and japanese

religion: christianity

current living arrangements: lives in an apartment with @mierred‘s mijin

occupation/major: usher at local theater & her schooling is on hold until she makes up her mind about what she wants to do

appearances

picture reference: x, x, x, x, x, x

blood type: a

nationality: south korean

skin tone/color: fair

birthmarks & scars: a light brown birthmark just below her left shoulder blade

height: 5′7′’ or 170cm

build: slim & fit ; pear body shape

hair color: brunette

hair length: falls mid-back

eye color: chestnut brown

eye shape: upturned?? let’s say upturned for now

diet: tries to eat as healthy as possible under a budget -- lots of fruits and veggies, no fried meats, yogurt as her dessert unless!! it’s her cheat day. drinks a lot of water, teas on occasion, and coffee in the mornings

exercise & level of fitness: early morning runs & gym sessions twice a week -- three times if she has the chance. but it’s pretty basic stuff, just enough to stay in shape

how’s their posture ( or lack thereof )? : really straight, proper posture bc her mom was big on making sure jinho looked and acted like a lady

typical style of dress:  Jinho definitely dresses to impress, though more out of obligation than actual want most days. Her usual style is neat, trendy, and feminine – typically consisting of dresses, blouses, and heels of some sort – while her preferred style is much more laid back, consisting of a baggy shirt/sweater, jeans, and a pair of sneakers. since living on her own, she’s started to dress more casually like she prefers.

body modifications: aside from having her ears pierced, none

body language and mannerisms

how does your muse walk?

back straight, eyes focused either on the ground in front of her or off in the distance; her steps are usually unhurried unless she's short on time. even when she knows where she’s going, jinho tends to look as if she’s aimlessly wandering.

how does your muse talk?

a soft tone is most common at a medium pace, though when she’s excited or heated, her speech becomes sharper, clearer, and faster. unless she knows for a fact that she’s older than you or you two are good friends, she’ll always use polite speech.

what accent/dialect does your muse talk with?

as jinho has lived in seoul her entire life, she speaks with a seoul accent/dialect ( also known as the gyeonggi dialect ) .

how high (or low) is the tone of their voice? are they loud or quiet?

i’d consider jinho’s voice to be medium high maybe? it’s not the highest voice you’ve heard, but not the lowest by far. she usually speaks loud enough to be heard but sometimes falls back into the old habit of speaking too quietly for most to hear.

what is their laugh like?

louder than you’d expect!! a lot of the time she does the whole silent, breathy laughter thing, but if you really get her going, her laugh is loud and high-pitched.

how does your muse typically smell?

sweet!! sometimes like dessert or sometimes a sweet, floral smell -- it usually depends on the time of year and her mood. sweet, dessert scents are usually reserved for the colder seasons while floral scents are used during the warmer months. and if she’s not wearing perfume, then she likely smells like her clothes detergent. or popcorn if you catch her after work.

what kind of air do they carry? are they intimidating?

jinho doesn’t think she comes off intimidating, but she does end up appearing standoffish to those who aren’t familiar with her from time to time; she’s often in her own world and comfortable in silence, so those who don’t know her mistake that for a reluctance to socialize or disinterest. while there’s definitely a reluctance because of her introverted tendencies, she is interested!! jinho loves meeting new people tbh. as for the air she carries -- i’d imagine she just kinda?? blends in the background most of the time. like she just sort of has this presence that feels like it’s always been there and always will be, and if you’re not paying attention, you won’t notice it’s even gone.

psychology

what makes your muse happiest?

spending time with jinyeong, making him smile and knowing that he’s safe and happy. the same goes for her friends. being surrounded by pretty scenery and having the opportunity to capture it by hand. watching others admire and get lost in a piece of art, be it her own or another’s. baby animals -- kittens, puppies, newborn seahorses -- and animals in general. finally finishing something that she’s worked her hardest to accomplish.

what upsets them the most?

her parents’ inconsiderate and irresponsible choices. finding out she’s been lied to. disappointing someone. seeing jinyeong or anyone close to her upset. people making assumptions and passing judgments on her when they don’t know the whole story. 

does your muse have any quirks?

frowns when deep in thought, clicks her pen repeatedly when thinking or reading through material, won’t step foot in a place that’s considered haunted ( she’s very somewhat superstitious ) , purposely gets lost just to see where one path leads, always ruffles jinyeong’s hair at least once when she sees him, wrings her hands and bounces her leg when nervous

what are their hobbies? how frequent do/can they do them?

baking!! and maybe cooking in general now that she’s the one providing her meals. she’d consider photography a hobby as well, and while she has plenty of opportunities to practice her cooking abilities, she doesn’t always have enough free time to take photos like she wants since she doesn’t often have her camera on her. so!! she usually picks a day here or there to go out and snap photos. 

do they have any guilty pleasures?

probably anime and manga bc her mother kind of stuck her nose up at that stuff and made jinho feel like it wasn’t exactly okay to indulge. 

is your muse an extrovert? an introvert? neither?

originally i figured jinho was an introvert, but recently i’ve felt that she leans more in the middle -- she’s an ambivert!

do they have high or low self-esteem? what about confidence?

she probably has average self-esteem and confidence most of the time, but it drops whenever she starts thinking about her weight. jinho was a chubby child as well as shy, so she had to deal with some teasing and bullying when she was younger; it didn’t really help that her mother was more concerned with making sure jinho slimmed down rather than making sure her daughter felt good about her own body. that being said, she’s very confident in her character and her work -- being 100% confident and satisfied with her appearance just isn’t gonna happen at the moment.

are they easily stressed? how do they respond to stress?

jinho is a big ol’ worry wart, so she probably gets stressed out easily. when she’s feeling stressed out, she usually just needs to be alone and do her own thing or be around someone she finds comfort in being around -- like jinyeong and close friends. but if the situation doesn’t allow either of those things, jinho is going to bear and grin it and try really hard not to get snappy.

what is your muses worst fear?

dying alone : ) no but really, she might just be a tad afraid that she’ll always get in the way of herself falling in love. also!! dying before she’s really LIVED. 

what is your muses biggest dream?

publishing her own manhwa!! 

is your muse an early riser? a night owl?

both bc sleep is for the weak actually jinho is both bc she’s recently had a lot of trouble going to sleep for extended periods of time

how intelligent is your muse? do they acknowledge it?

pretty intelligent but she doesn’t really think about it. she views herself as a hard worker and credits that for her academic accomplishments.

what is their sense of humour like?

she’s got a good sense of humor -- you can thank her uncle jinho for that. you wouldn’t expect it from her, but jinho’s secretly a pun-loving meme of a girl. witty humor!! is probably her favorite tho

relationship tendencies

what’s their sexual orientation? what about romantic?

this bean is heterosexual and hetero-romantic

are they currently in any sexual or romantic relationships?

nope!! 

what is their experience with relationships?

she’s dated a few guys, but jinho usually ends things the moment she feels things aren’t going to work out, or if she believes she feels more strongly for her boyfriend than he does for her. so she definitely has some experience with the social and emotional aspect of dating; however, she’s pretty inexperienced when it comes to physical intimacy bc like i mentioned here, it scares her a little. 

how does your muse view the idea of friends with benefits? have they ever had one, or would they ever?

the friends with benefits deal seems like a horrible idea to her bc she really can’t see how friends can expect to have that sort of arrangement and expect?? to not?? catch feelings??? and then one or both parties end up hurt and she’s just not down for that :// she’s never had one and never will.

sex, is it important to your muse?

jinho definitely views sex as a huge milestone, but it isn’t something that’s going to be a deal breaker for her. like if her bf says, “ actually i wanna wait till marriage, ” jinho will be perfectly okay with that and can actually appreciate the choice bc for her, sex is an act of love and commitment. that being said, she’s going to be a big bundle of nerves the first time she does it because it is such a big deal in her eyes, so it’d help if her loved one understands that and realizes the significance of jinho’s choice to do it with him.

overall, tho, jinho is more about the emotional connection in a relationship than the physical, so while she’ll enjoy having sex with her guy, it won’t be a huge deal if they don’t do it often. she’s more likely to go with the flow and adapt to her partner’s libido than to really act on her own.

what are their biggest turn on and turn offs?

big strong hands!!! especially if they’re grabbing and holding her!! praise and compliments bc she’s a self-conscious babe who needs reassurance (๑♡3♡๑) possessiveness but mostly during the act, i think? and in general she likes it when the guy is dominant, but!! she also lives to please, so once jinho gets the hang of things, it’ll be enough just knowing she’s the one turning her bf into a mess ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) as for turn offs, she’s probably going to dislike it if her bf gets a lil too rough, but she doesn’t always need to be treated like porcelain, either. i think she’ll be kinda?? open to trying new things if her partner wants to, but the important thing is not SPRINGING it on her in the moment. bring it up beforehand so jinho has time to mentally prepare herself ( and research bc she’s definitely going to do that ) . she wants to make her bf happy, but she also needs to feel comfortable.

does your muse find it easy to make friends? 

yes and no -- it’s easy for her to befriend someone and get on friendly terms, but it can be a bit hard for jinho to initiate things on her own. it’s easier to make friends if she already has a mutual friend beside her in the process.

how important is friendship to them?

super!! important!! friends are the family members you choose -- jinho’s a strong believer in that.

quantity or quality of friends?

quality for sure bc there was a time that she had quantity over quality and she hated it sm

how important is family?

super freaking important. that’s what she was raised to believe and why she can’t bring herself to hurt her parents and tell the whole truth despite feeling hurt and betrayed by them. but like... she’d fight someone for jinyeong. she’d take a bullet for jinyeong. she’d die for jinyeong. don’t touch her baby brother ໒(  ◉ ◡ ◉  )७

are they close to their family? why or why not ?

she’s super close with jinyeong, but her parents have royally screwed up their relationship, so they’re not even on speaking terms rn. my original intro post pretty much gives the short and sweet version of what’s happened.

headcanons

weak for gong yoo ever since goblin

he’s replaced lee jong suk as her homescreen wallpaper ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

probably really loves!! bittersweet endings ( happy endings are still the best tho )

90% of her jeans have stains on them from her paints and markers

i think?? she’s developed insomnia since moving away from her parents, but she honestly had some trouble going to sleep even before that

the bright side is you can text her at any hour of the day and she’ll probably be awake to answer : )

you can probably find jinho at conventions selling her artwork 

she doesn’t like being touched without her permission!! but if u have permission she’s ready for full on cuddle mode okay

would love to learn how to dance!! but that is a secret desire that she may never act on

jinho is not only guilty of pronouncing meme as “meemee” but also guilty of pronouncing pepe as “peepee” at one point in her life

she loves mysteries!! and thrillers!! and horror in general if it has a nice backstory/plot!!

secretly a sass master okay don’t leave yourself open for assault

[kennothythebard]

Things I’ve learned about writing DEH characters

THIS IS NOT A GUIDE BY ANY MEANS THIS IS JUST SOME OBSERVATIONS AND THINGS I DO.

So while researching for and writing “A Worthy Explanation” (pls read i crave validation) I’ve noticed a lot of little things that I don’t always see mentioned in writing guides for these characters so I thought I’d point some of these out. Idk how love this is going to be so I’ll prolly put a cut here.

General

I like to create kind of a “loneliness chart” and graph the kids on it (looks kinda like those political alignment things). On one axis theres introverted vs. extroverted, and on the other theres like polite vs. rude I guess? But in summary: Evan is introverted polite, Jared is extroverted rude, Alana is extroverted polite, Connor is introverted rude, and Zoe... is just kinda generally lonely. Where she falls really depends on what’s going on with her (but she typically is a less extreme introverted rude than Connor).

Obviously each character has their own faults, but I often see these faults viewed quite selectively, see “cinnamon roll evan” and “fucking larry” for two very different examples of this phenomenon. Evan is not perfect and always trying to be nice, and Larry is not a super abusive parent who deserves no happiness in this life. They’re both complex and it’s hard to let go of our misconceptions to write truer to the characters (e.g. I really, Really don’t like Larry. I see him as a lousy father who just kind of chose to be “the strict one” but does nothing but criticize and dole out punishment, ignoring his kids any other time), but that’s an important part of deh, is that people aren’t always what we perceive them to be.

Evan

Evan is often viewed as like a cinnamon roll, but in act 2 especially Evan gets mean. Like, he’s dismissive and rude and angry and just a jerk. Evan can be just as bad if not worse than some of the “angrier” characters

Ppl often talk about his lying as his biggest character flaw, but I’d argue that most of the lying we see in the show just stems from the one lie which he was kinda forced to make bc he was in a bad place (i mean, thats pretty much the entire point of awe).

The character flaw that I don’t see discussed enough is that he’s ashamed of his mental illness. He’d rather pretend it’s not there, even when it impacts every part of his life. He doesn’t do the letters the way his therapist assigned them, he’s apprehensive towards medication and stops taking it, and basically feeds into his self-destructive tendencies, arguing his mother sees his as “broke” or something to be fixed.

Jared

I love writing Jared

There’s already a lot about what a complex character he is and stage directions, but one thing that most people notice is his actions frequently contradict his words. Take the sincerely me reprise at the start of act 2. Why would he try to insert himself into the narrative at this point? What good would that do at this point? When evan dismisses him he gets annoyed and defensive. He says that he can’t do anything until Monday because he’s hanging with his camp friends (whom he claims are his “real friends,” a term he will later ascribe to himself regarding Evan in Good For You), and when Evan dismisses him again he tries to offer to help with the kickstarter, but is quickly shot down once more by Evan. Despite what seems to be a natural ending place in the conversation, he insists on continuing to talk with Evan, and when Evan cuts him off again he becomes rude and slightly threatening. This happens over the course of maybe three minutes and it’s one of the most insightful scenes to jared’s character

When writing a canon-compliant Jared, his actions and thoughts should conflict with his words. He cares about Evan but he’d never say that out loud (in more canon-compliant fics), and it hurts when he’s pushed away, which he responds to with anger.

Zoe

Zoe is one of the most difficult characters to write, imo.

She’s often portrayed in a slightly sweeter, saccharine way in fanon as just like a fun, silly girl who is just a tad sarcastic, but really you can tell that she’s Connor’s brother. She’s angry, blunt, unafraid of speaking her mind, etc. Yes, she is funny and kinda sarcastic, but her sarcasm isn’t always of the funny variety. She’s obviously angry at her parents, but this often comes across as a “doesn’t love them” variety of anger when her real feelings seem to be much more complex. 

Basically, I’m still learning a lot about writing her but I think just like the other kids she’s a little lonely, so Evan comes along and he’s there and that’s enough for her. She has such a wide range of emotions that I don’t feel are always accurately represented, even by me. (especially by me)

Alana

Hella, hella lonely. Covers it up by talking to people and doing extracurriculars. Sure, “college apps” is her excuse for why she does so much, but it’s not the real reason. If she keeps busy, she doesn’t have to be alone with her thoughts. But at the same time she has similar fears to Evan about people seeing the worst of her. “Close acquaintances” seems to be a statement about how little she makes friends, but I also see it as a defense mechanism. If she remains “close acquaintances” with people, she’ll never have to be their friend and they’ll never have to see the worst of her.

She’s cheerful and annoying, but in the way that pisses high schoolers off. Like, we all knew that one kid who was just way way too nice, and most of us were like “yeah ok they’re pretty cool i guess” but like some people just hated their positivity. It also doesn’t help that she tries to insert herself in situations she hasn’t been invited in, and does some questionable things to help her accomplish her goals. (Evan/Alana contrast: Evan does questionable things to accomplish internal goals, Alana does them to accomplish external goals)

Gets easily distracted. Forgets to sign Evan’s cast in scene 1. Her mind has a million different thoughts at any given moment. It wouldn’t be out of line to headcanon ADHD Alana (some of the things she does reminds me of the things I do when I forget my meds).

Connor

?????

We don’t see a lot to really get a huge insight into his personality. We know he was angry and had some serious mental illness.

We also know that he could recognize when he went too far and would go out of his way to make amends. (Why was he in the computer lab? Why did he sign Evan’s cast?) He may recognize a kindred spirit in Evan.

Clearly he doesnt hate his family (he goes to school despite not wanting to go, and seeing Zoe’s name is what sets him off showing possible concern), and it would not surprise me to learn that he thought his family would be better and happier without him. He clearly has intense emotions and reactions even to things that might seem minuscule or inconsequential. When writing him in canon, I think of a rubber band stretched too tight, and any characters action could loosen or tighten the pulling.

Heidi

Such an emotional character, I nearly break my own heart when I’m trying to writer her.

Theres two odd kind of paradoxes in a parent-child relationship like that between Heidi and Evan. For Heidi, the paradox is that the more she wants to do for Evan, the less she can actually be there for him. For Evan, he wants his mother to succeed and loves her so much that he might even encourage her to not worry about him or spend time with him, but then resents that she’s never there. Or at least when he meets a mother who can provide and be there.

Heidi pretty much worries herself sick over Evan. Evan comes before everything else in her life, and so it’s easy for her to feel like she failed him, which is a huge reason for her intense reaction in Good for you: evan has just confirmed her fears that she’s failed him.

Heidi tries so hard, but she isn’t perfect. She’s clearly very sensitive about money or about Evan’s father, and this sensitivity can easily change to anger or passive-aggressiveness. She has deep insecurities that we may never see or fully comprehend.

Cynthia

Mom. like shes completely a mom. like, “can i speak to your manager?” type mom.

Loves her kids and tries to be supportive but struggles communicating with two very headstrong, sarcastic kids

she probably wouldn’t say this, but takes connor’s death very personally. wonders why he would do this to her 

Is desperate for her children to listen and understand her. Which Evan is more than willing to do.

A little bit selfish? Like, thinks about what will make her better rather than accepting everybody grieves differently

Larry

Fucking larry. I don’t like him and he’s the hardest character for me to write.

Ok since I made such a big deal about it in the intro i’ll try to be nicer than id normally be

A masculine archetype. Sports dad, wants sports son, which Connor isn’t

He’s got some really ableist/misogynistic tendencies that causes the intense demonization of him in the fanon but I mean... he could be worse i guess? (that’s literally the best i can say about that so yeah i dont like him at all)

Really just oblivious. Completely ignored Connor’s need for help, does not know how to read a room, you could say he frequently has a foot in his mouth if it weren’t so intentional.

I mean...probably a good guy if you can get past all that stuff? just really, really self absorbed.

yikes that was long. Again, not really a guide, just some things I think about when writing these characters. if you read this far at all thank you for indulging me this much.

[makeroomforthejolyghost]

OK!!! saint-loup. it is saint-loup o’clock. i do not have these thoughts well formulated so this might get kinda long n messy but i promised myself i’d Talk This Out w/ myself on this reading, so. icee straw kazoo.

ok so saint-loup is the narrator’s friend tho like... to the extent this term is applicable in friendships m’s kinda The Unrequiter, often exhibits w/out expressly saying that he feels kinda guilty for Using Him or at least for like. not being able to match the energy saint-loup brings to the relationship. in fact the main thing he consistently notices in saint-loup is energy, strength. but also solicitude! which combination to me seems weird? i’m fond of saint-loup but he makes me uncomfortable, i think bc while, on one hand, his slightly sophomoric intellectualism and nervous quickness and tendency to be officiously solicitous*--which 3 traits m associates w/ saint-loup’s ability to assimilate quickly (3.98, 153)--all remind me of me, and also of many people i’ve known, but then...? on the other hand, i have never seen those traits (esp. solicitude) in a strong person; saint-loup is passive-aggressive and i have only ever observed that demeanor in weak people--most of them sick, bats and/or non-men; certainly not in a straight-passing man (as saint-loup does at this time) if he’s also healthysane--since passive-aggression is so. roundabout, and mind-over-matter &c. like. all the things i have in common w/ saint-loup are traits i’ve developed because i’m not a man, not straight, not neurotypical, not strong, u know? and certainly these traits are ones people like me are supposed to dislike in ourselves, but i find that recognizing them in someone usually makes me more comfortable around them, because... well, you know. because the ways in which we’d be likely to hurt each other are basically the same?

meanwhile early in volume 3 you get this scene where saint-loup introduces m to a bunch of his friends, all adorably over-eager to Show Off m’s intellect, make sure he makes a good impression, and

“No? You don’t agree about Stendhal?” he went on, with a naïve confidence in my judgment which found expression in a charming, smiling, almost childish glance of interrogation from his green eyes. “Oh, good! I see you’re on my side. ... The Chartreuse is after all a stunning work, don’t you think? I’m so glad you agree with me. What is it you like best in the Chartreuse? Answer me,” he urged with boyish impetuosity. And the menace of his physical strength made the question almost terrifying. (136)

N.B. THO that here and elsewhere m fuckin glories in that strength. here, for example:

My departure depressed me less when I was no longer obliged to think of it alone, when I felt that the more normal and healthy exertions of my energetic friends, of Robert’s brothers-in-arms, were being applied to what was to be done (179)

but also, before we even GET to rachel:

“I’m furiously jealous,” Saint-Loup said to me, half laughing, half in earnest, alluding to the interminable conversations apart which I had been having with his friend. “Is it because you find him more intelligent than me? Do you like him better than me? Ah, well, I suppose he’s everything now, and no one else is to have a look in!” (Men who are enormously in love with a woman, who live in a society of woman-lovers, allow themselves pleasantries which others, seeing less innocence in them, would never dare to contemplate.) (153)

idk, like. i’ve had multiple people talk that way to me? but i possess what almost seems like an “only we can say it” sentiment about it--only people who don’t pass for straight men, maybe, or only weak people, neurotics. and saint-loup has that entire demeanor he seems to think he’s entitled to it as an intellectual or maybe just picks it up from m and rachel but it’s weird on people whose intellectualism does not compensate for frailty of body and/or “willpower,” idk. he does the fuckin... what do i mean, um. OH!--i associate his flirtatious self-deprecation w/ the thing women do in victorian books and in old movies; the thing lizaveta nikolaevna does in demons when she asks what’s his face whether he’d still wanna hang if she broke her leg. and possibly i’m wrong to see saint-loup’s comments as the outpost of a similar thing? but

“You know,” I said, “I did come to say good-bye to you the day I left Doncières. I’ve never had a chance to mention it. I waved to you in the street.”

“Don’t speak about it,” he replied, “I was so sorry. I passed you just outside the barracks, but I couldn’t stop because I was late already. I assure you I felt quite wretched about it.” (233)

haha yeah no i don’t think i’m wrong. so maybe it’s like the last few days’ irritation at hearing my mom employ the detached, bodily-self-contemptuous infodump tone i often use irl to talk about My Limitations--sitting like i do then, w/ that buzzardy hunch as though to tell a secret, and w/ the same aporetic expression--without having also to euphemize, circumlocute, pause and screw up her face and twist her wrist around for long intervals, blushing, trying to think of a less self-flattering [vulnerable] word for what she means, like i would in that situation. but i think it’s... also that i’m uncomfortable on m’s and rachel’s behalf? that in order not to intimidate or seem to condescend he adopts a piece of their demeanor that makes him look harmless. because like. another way in which saint-loup attempts to Regain His Dignity (or at least vent frustration) during his fight w/ rachel is that when the journalist w/ the cigar refuses to put it out, um,

“Would you mind, sir, throwing away your cigar? The smoke is bad for my friend.” [...]

“There’s no rule against smoking that I know of,” said the journalist. “If people aren’t well, they have only to stay at home.” [...]

“In any case, sir, you are not very civil,” observed Saint-Loup to the journalist, still in a mild and courteous tone, with the air of appraisal of a man judging retrospectively the rights and wrongs of an incident that is already closed. (239-40)

and see THIS IS ME this is exactly how i act when i’m angry at someone in public (incl. or maybe esp. if that someone is myself ha), fuckin carrying on another conversation in the background as proof ur Still Sane, BUT THEN

[A]fter the courteous words that he had just uttered, he brought down his hand with a resounding smack upon the journalist’s cheek. (240)

AND LIKE?? i don’t think this would creep me out nearly so much if the pretext (tho obv not the reason) for it weren’t. an ableist comment. “If people aren’t well, they have only to stay at home.” but i’ve more than once gotten angry w/ someone, chewed someone out, for saying something ableist to my friend (tho in the case that comes to mind the comment could be applied to me as well), and in my experience that kind of vicarious anger is?? because you know your friend’s upset about it but don’t know what to say to help them, so you resent the perp for showing you your own impotence, for distracting your and your friend’s attention from more important things w/ their needless judgmental bs. and THAT makes sense here? but without those other layers--of 1. “this insult implicates me also” and 2. “you have upset my friend and therefore obliged me to Avenge them since i don’t know how to make them feel better”--it’s... weird. it’s just so Not His Fight i guess, and. i’ve actually written a similar scene, too? in which case some of the interest was in like... the assumption by stronger people that we’ll be flattered to see them use their greater strength in defense of Our Honor, when. no, saint-loup; that’s a nonsensical n paternalistic pretext to vent ur own unrelated anger? m neither needs nor wants a healthy person to punish ableists’ contempt of his ill health? and in fact it’s embarrassing in the first place when ppl respond to our not making a fuss by making the fuss for us?? blugh! i don’t know. i can point out so many gross things about this but still am not satisfied i have identified The Thing About It that makes me so uncomfortable; maybe it’s just because at the same time i do understand both m’s fetishistic admiration of saint-loup’s strength and aristocratic solicitude and saint-loup’s paternalism itself. i’ve been on both sides, tho without the... punching. thing, ha. on that note:

Now that to the measured conversations of the diplomats, to the smiling arts of peace, had succeeded the furious onthrust of war, since blows lead to blows, I should not have been surprised to see the combatants wading in one another’s blood. ... Fortunately the journalist who, staggering back from the violence of the blow, had turned pale and hesitated for a moment, did not retaliate. (240-1)

M OH MY GOD ur purely academic understanding of How Fights Work! sees a guy 2 whose general opinion on violence he defers punch someone n is just like “well, shit, this is it, we’re all gonna die” fdlahgsdf ur......my favorite, and also, same, but possibly this is a mistake we both oughta quit making. Fuckin Liberals &c. &c.

*appropriate since he’s a sergeant!! but what i mean is e.g. when rachel (his gf w/ whom he needs to break up) makes him feel small in public saint-loup will then try to get back some dignity by turning to m like “You oughtn’t to stand about in the cigar smoke like that, it’ll make you ill” (3.237). it’s like what i said yesterday about my own solicitude--that it’s about liking to feel useful, liking for there to be a subject on which you know what to say. but it’s jarring to me to see this sense of return to familiar ground detached from same-feeling--to see the “useless person’s dream come true” phenomenon in a situation where saint-loup has no obvious reason to consider himself an expert other than his general aristocratic + busybodyish(!!!) tendency to anticipate people’s interests, to want to Know Everything about his friends.