#(and B: that when I do speak I speak it like i've been speaking for years which is a HUGE shock to me and i am so so pleased)
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24/10
I worked a seasonal position as a receptionist, and my boss offered me a temporary position helping out in another department for a month once my contract was up. I accepted on the basis that it was 30 hours a week max and all I'd be doing was admin tasks, no speaking with clients. Which after a season full of holidaymakers I was desperate for.
The week I'm supposed to start I receive no communication from who I was told was my new boss until the day before I'm supposed to go in for a little bit of training, and she's put out when I reiterate that that week there's two days I can't do due to previous commitments I made while I thought I'd be unemployed. And when I get to work on the training day, the person who actually will be my boss doesn't ever work that day, so my poor previous boss had to scramble to find something for me to do, since no one could train me nor could I get on the company system properly as my new boss hadn't sorted my contract.
I'm annoyed but hey, things happen. It's the first week, so there's bound to be hiccups, right?
I get to work the next week and my new boss starts to train me with the system I'll be using, only to be pulled away because we have an auditor in and of course that's more important. I don't mind that at all, but don't have me come in to work if you know you don't have time to train me. The same thing happens the following day and there's another new hire from a different department in the same position as me, so we end up doing hardly anything all day and feeling like spare parts. By this point I'm fairly pissed off that the three shifts I've done have been pointless, but I'll persist.
I do two more shifts this week, both of which are actually me being trained and working, and it's becoming very apparent that I will actually have to speak with clients for this role; it's not just helping the department catch up with paperwork. I'm very much feeling lied to, messed about, and like I'm not the right fit for the job, so I take the weekend to think about it, and message my new boss on Sunday morning to tell her that I'm grateful for the chance but I won't be coming back in. I was very polite in my message, I didn't mention my frustration with the disorganisation in the department, the fact that everyone looks down on you for actually taking your lunch break rather than just working at your desk while you eat, or that, morally, I cannot be involved in helping sell holiday homes to people on a site that's severely rat infested and crumbling, but the general manager refuses to spend any money to revamp the place.
I was very final with my message, which I think was obvious by the fact that I wished my new boss the best of luck and a good holiday season, so I figured that would be that. I'll admit my anxiety has me refusing to check whatsapp so I can't see what she's said, because a) I'm not ready for that and b) to me, it's done and dusted.
She's tried to call me five times in the last 20 minutes. I don't know what the hell she wants, but I'm not answering. My best guess would be she wants me to work my notice, but there's absolutely no point. I'm still not trained properly to do this new job, so at least some of my one weeks notice would be me being trained for a job I'm leaving. Normally I'd never quit without giving and working my notice, but in this instance it's pointless.
I'm not going to answer her calls or call her back. I don't care. Honestly, working on reception was bad enough; it's very clear that the company as a whole values profit over guests' happiness and safety. It's one thing to sell someone a holiday on our shit hole of a site, but it's another thing entirely to be a part of them becoming an owner of a run-down holiday home. At least with guests, I can give them vouchers or money off a future holiday or at a push a refund. With this new job, I can't do anything but apologise for the shitty situation I've helped put the new owners in. I wish I was brave enough to say that to my now ex-boss.
Posted by admin Rodney
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ok, more on this because apparently i have to say all of this. if responding to it makes the hate worse i honestly could not give less of a fuck about it than i already do. i am here to express myself so u best believe that is what my ass will be doing!!
this is gonna be a bit long and a bit winded bc ive been keeping this close to my chest for a while.
i genuinely don't fucking write for an audience. if i was writing for an audience you'd have never seen me post fair's fair. you'd have never seen me writing flesh currency! i write what i want. when i'm horny. when i want to make other people horny (i guess?). when i feel like it. when im healthy enough to do it.
no my fics are not the magnum opus. no they arent being strung up in the goddamn louvre. that isnt what im trying to do. i juice joy out of my fanfic writing and am KIND enough to put it on the internet for others to enjoy if they so wish. nobody is holding you at gunpoint to read my "shit writing".
fanfic writers either dont post enough or they post too much you really, really gotta pick one.
i spent like 5 months on hiatus in debilitating pain and was in and out of the hospital for a few weeks out of those months. i couldnt even write a goddamn diary entry. you have no idea how happy i am to have my creative voice back.
its... my winter break. of fucking course im writing lol i dont have anything else to do!!!! there's nothing else id rather be doing because i actually like this!
id rather write as a hobby than crank out anon hate, personally. maybe that's a me issue?
then, a bit more on identity and the role of identity in all of this
ive had to start counting the amount of anons i get with hateful slurs in them. since coming back i've been called the r slur. the f slur. the c slur. the b slur. everything in the fucking book. not only is it uncreative, its regressive.
y'all either dont like me because im annoying or blatantly showing autistic traits or outspoken abt being marginalized or bc you dislike my writing or because you have absolutely nothing better to do (the latter of which is particularly pathetic)
regardless you are weaponizing my identity to either try to terrorize me in general or drive me off of this site. think about how weird that is.
also so many of these asks are laden with an undercurrent of ableism. like, oh my god, the disabled girl is posting a lot ! woah! holy shit! call the fucking news outlets!
oh my god, the disabled girl is showing autism traits on main!!!! should we call autism speaks? should we invite sia?
this isnt even me defending myself, i feel no obligation to defend myself against these fuckers. i just did want to arrange my thoughts for the dash. sometimes talking helps me compose that sort of thing.
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It's out
I'm not finished but here it is so far
I don’t want a man or anybody I just need a warm body to hold. I don't want love of any kind. I don’t even love my friends its not like a hate them. I just don't love very often. That doesn't mean the people I love are any special. The main person I love is not “the one” whatever that means. If they were, it would be incsest. The only person I truly love constantly is my sister. This is not to say i dont care about humanity or the people in my life i just dont love them. I dont feel anything in my heart for them. Not my parents, not my friends, not the guys that ask me out because i'm pretty. I hate it when anyone says they love me because i can't love them back no matter how badly i want to. The guilt and disgust I feel when I hear the word love aimed at me like a missile that could kill a hundred men or more.
My life is pretty okay right now. Im in my first month of my semester of college and three boys have asked me out and two have asked me to parties. I like to think they asked me out because of my smart and witty comments in class but in reality its because of my face and boobs. I hate collage boys. Well most of them one is pretty alright he is in my biology 101 a first noticed him when I accidentally saw his test score on a pop quiz. I just happened to be looking that way. I was staring day dreaming about my sci fi fantasy world i've been thinking about since I was 5. The main thing that pushed me to try so hard to learn to read was that world. I needed to write it down and publish it one day. Maybe some other bullied kids would find as much comfort in that world as me. Anyways he was one of three people who didn't get a D or below on that test and this girl I didn't know were the only ones who got a decent grade.The third person who got a decent grade was me.I know this because everyone else growed or looked very sad or angry. The girl was so excited she passes she let out a tiny shriek. He got an A+ I got an A.
“Congratulations on your grade, that was a difficult quiz,” was the first thing I ever said to him.
“Thanks, hopefully you didn't do too bad.” I chuckled. I still don't know why I did that.
“I got an A. I figured I would get a B or C,” I said i was surprised i told him that last part.
“Why would you suspect a C you always make amazing comments in class. Sometimes it seems you know more than our professor.”
“You notice what i say in class? I thought no one payed attention to the professor much less me." Wait, I didn't mean to say that out loud.
“Sometimes your comments in class teach me more than Professor Browns,” he chuckled after he said that. His chuckles are like music. I don't love him. Don't get this twisted, this is not a love story. And this is definitely not one of those love stories that says that it's not a love story in the beginning of the movie but by the end they are in love.there was a short pause then he spoke again.
“I forgot to tell you my name, I'm Bayley but my friends call me Bark. I have a feeling we will be friends,” after he said that he grabbed my purple pen and started writing something a the straw rapper from his pesi. “Here is my number. I need more smart friends,” he said smiling and handed me his straw rapper.
“My name is Sophia but I hate my name so call me whatever you like.”
“Well I better get to my next class bye So-” he stopped himself from saying Sophia and just waved and smiled.
I kinda hope I see Bayely again. Something about him
seem different from the other guys who gave me their numbers. I think I might actually message him. I hear a ringing sound from my phone it's a phone call from my sister.
“Hey Sophia, how are you? We haven't talked on the phone in so long. I apologize for that I've been busy with school.” I could not help but smile it makes me happy when my sister calls me. She is the only one who I actually don't mind calling me Sophia.
“Hey Emma, I'm doing pretty well. Speaking of school, another guy gave me his number.”
“Wow, isn't that like the 5th guy or something? Do you think you are gonna go out with him? Is he hot?”
“He is the first guy to give me his number and not ask me out I think he wants to be friends or something. He said he needs more smart friends. It's weird a guy wants to be my friend and doesn't see me as just a hot body.”
“So Sophia, do you think you are going to text him?”
“Yeah probably he has a rare combination of brains and being attractive. He actually made me chuckle I don't know how he did that.”
“Does someone have a crush?” She said that in a sing song voice she is clearly in her romance obsessed high school phase.
“No but if he asked to fuck i might say yes.” I probably shouldn't have said that. It's okay Emma is a senior in highschool. She lost her virginity last summer to her now ex girlfriend.
“College must be wild.”
“It's really not especially compared to high school which is probably for the best.”
“I have to go Sophia, I still have some homework.”
“Okay Emma if you need any help with your homework call me back cause I'm kinda a huge nerd.”
“Okay bye I love you sister”
“Love you too Emma” I mean it's true I love my sister and myself are the only ones I really love in this world.
I begin to type out “hi this is Sophia”. Remembering when Bayley was about to call me Sophia but stopped himself I really liked when he did that. I press send hoping he doesn't ask me out. A few minutes later I hear I ding from my phone. It's Bayley. “Hey this is Bayley. How are you?”
“I am okay just bored I finished my homework ages ago. How are you Bayley?”
“This is a weird question but can I call you?” Bayley texted
I didn't text him back, instead he called me himself.
“Hey Bayley, why did you want to call me?”
“I just want to be closer to you.” Oh fuck he wants me doesn't he?
“I'm sorry Bayley, I don't want to go out with you.”
“I don't want that either I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that I just really need someone to talk to it's getting boring. I hate being alone and I am not on good terms with my family. Oh shit I didn't mean to say the family stuff out loud. I literally just met you. I am just really awkward.”
“It's okay Bayley. I need people to talk to as well my friends from high school were shit I only have my sister and she is 2 years younger than me.”
“How old are you So-” he stopped himself from saying Sophia he remembers I don't like that name how sweet. I still don't love him.
“I'm 19. How about you?”
“I'm 20 I turn 21 in October. I don't know what I'm going to do and who I'm going to hang out with. All I know is I don't want to spend my birthday by myself.”
“What day is your birthday, Bayley?”
“It's October 20th”
“Okay,” I said looking up how many days till then on Google. It's 21 days till then. Woah I can't believe it's September 30th already.
“Do you want to hang out this weekend? There is an orchard right by my house where we can go there.” I asked hopefully he says yes. I really need something to do.
“Yeah that sounds fun. I mean how could it not you are witty and pretty.” I laughed loudly when he said that.
“Shit it's already 7:30. I need to eat dinner.” I feel a little sad to end our phone call.
“Alright bye So” he said it just like he was saying someone's name. I think I like So better than Sophia.
I hang out every weekend till his birthday. Those 21 days were some of the best of my life. I still don't want to date him or anything. However every time we hang out he gets hotter. I really want to fuck him but I don't want to ruin my only friendship I have. So I resit the urge to tell him how handsome he looks every time I see him. The more I see him the happier I feel. Hanging out with him is good for my mental health. I like his jokes. He has called me pretty a couple times so maybe calling him handsome wouldn't be so bad. It's not like it means I want to date him or anything.
My alarm rings at 9 am on October 20th. My first class starts at 10:30. The first thing I do after seeing that it's Bayely’s birthday is I texted him a message that reads “Happy birthday Bayley I've really enjoyed getting to know you. It's really nice to have something to do on the weekends besides homework, job and watching New Girl.” I could help but think Maybe I could do you sometime. Of course I didn't send that. I made him a card already and drew him. I'm not very good. It was the first thing I drew in a year. I was depressed so I stopped drawing a year ago and I just never started up again. I might as well start now. Anyways the card has two paragraphs in it describing how I felt on our adventures with him. We have been hanging out every weekend for the past 3 weeks and we have coffee and do our homework for our biology 101 and help each other.
He's leaned his head on my shoulder a few times it usually stays there for hours. It's like my shoulder is the place his head has been searching for all his life. What am I even saying? I really should be in love when I'm with him I feel happy but not in love. When he puts his head on my shoulder my stomach settles. I feel so relaxed I feel like falling asleep. That's not how I felt when I was in love at age 16. I felt energized and my heart would swell up and fly. I don't feel that way with him. I don't know if this is what people feel for their friends because I don't remember the last time I loved any of my friends at the time. I just feel comfortable, happy and horny when I'm with him. I don't know if this is love. I don't want to date him because that would be a change. I like how it is now. The only change I want is for me to fuck him.
My phone rings. It's 20 minutes till my class. I'm driving there now. My phone is hooked up to the speakers I'm playing She And Him. Zoe Dechanel is so amazing. Sometimes I think I'm in love with her but that's not how it works. She is a celebrity. I don't think I've ever been this excited for biology 101. I really like science but that's not why I'm happy. Augh I'm so fucking horny right now. I'm also nervous because I sorta wrote that fact on the card. I don't remember everything I wrote because if I memorized it I would not give it to him. I'm so afraid I'm going to ruin his birthday with this card. I want him to have the best birthday possibly. If he wants to I plan to take him to his favorite coffee shop this weekend and then my house if he wants. I have so many things to show him at my house. I don't want to ruin what I have with him. I don't really want friends besides the casual ones I see once a month for science club. I just feel overwhelmed with too many friends and too many people. I don't know.
Oh shit I'm in the class he is standing next to me. We both arrived 30 or so minutes early to make sure we could review the notes we took yesterday. He is just standing there with A huge smile on his face. Shit he sees the card.
“Uh happy birthday. I made you a stupid card and I'm not very good at writing or drawing. I mean not when it comes to non science stuff. Well…” I say awkwardly.
“I can't believe you remembered!” He says excitedly opening the card. I want to disappear. This is so embarrassing. I just stand there staring at him. After what feels like hours but can't be more than 5 minutes. He hugs me. I'm still in shock. I feel nothing but fear.
“I love it. You are so pretty don't worry I don't want to date you either. I kept trying to give you hints that I wanted to sleep with you, this is the best way to tell me.” he whispers so quietly I can barely hear him. I've never heard him whisper and it's so hot. My weekend plans are so happening! I look to see if anyone is in the hallway when I see no one I kiss his check them whisper. “I have several birthday surprises planned for you this weekend.” He smiled in the hottest way possible. Not the same smile as when he was waiting for the card. I think he knows one of the surprises is sex he is clueless about the others.
I can't pay attention to the lecture today. I'm just thinking about sex and Bayley’s birthday. I can't stop replaying what just happened in my head. It was perfect. Maybe this wasn't so impossible afterall. I hope he doesn't find a girlfriend. I don't want to be his girlfriend but if he found one we could never talk. most people I talk to I don't want their partner to speak to someone they used to fuck or date. I hope this lasts longer than a few months like all the others. Most people don't want what I want or they do at first then they change their mind and I never speak to them or they call me when they get drunk or lonely. It's annoying.
I snap back into reality when the teacher asks me what is a difference between cells and animal cells.Thank god we were learning about something I already know today.
“Plant cells have cell walls which add an extra layer of protection. Plant cells also have Chloroplasts which play a major role in photosynthesis.”
“Thank you Sophia, see someone was paying attention.”
I quickly glance at Bayley. He is starting. I should probably help him review the slides this weekend. He is not paying attention just like me. The only difference is he is not going into science as a major.
update!!
I started writing a story about a loveless aromantic aplatonic allosexual nonbinary person. They met a guy named Bayely his nickname is Bark. they meet in a collage biology class and they don't fall in love or get into any type of relationship. They after a few months of being friends he develops sexual feelings for the main charter. and they become friends with benefits but the benefits are sex and cuddles. he has never cuddled anyone besides family because all of his romantic partners have just wanted him for his body. their story focusses on their abnormal friendship but its not a queer platonic relationship. eventually the main charter wants a kid and has the awkward conversation of asking Bark to help them explaining that he does not have to have a father role in the kids life if he does not want to. he says yes after a month of thinking it over he says he wants a more uncle like role in this kids life. after a year of sometimes helping out with this kid he wants a more fatherly role in this kids life. a few months later he moves in with the main charter to take care of the one year old. Bark and the main character have separate rooms they are pretty much friends with befits roommates who are raising a kid together. I have not written all of the story yet I only started writing it today I have 692 words so far. I got the idea for this story while daydreaming about what I want. I might call the main charter Soe (pronounced like the word so) as a shortened version of the charters birth name Sophia. Might post somewhere if anyone wants to read it when its finished comment or like this post if this sounds interesting to you
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HELLO i'm alive, I just barely survived 9 days in Girona doing costumes for Assumpta's short film reels.....and immediately after we came back I had to do some frantic sewing in time for the week of events planned for the Dos de Mayo. I met up with some new friends I had met at the Museo de Traje two weeks or so earlier, and my Spanish has improved SO MUCH during my time here. I am so happy and having SO much fun. I based this spencer off of one Assumpta wears in Rossini, Rossini!, and had two days to make it. I did my hair how Teresa's looks in a snood in Company, but made a madroñera instead- it's a little lower class than Teresa would've worn, I think, but it was appropriate. (I want to make all of the costumes Assumpta wears in her films and make a pre-war Teresa wardrobe, though I'll be remaking this red spencer!) Over the course of the week we walked through many parks, got to see the changing of the guard, we went to many palaces, and I got to participate in the Dos de Mayo parade and battle, which was insanely cool, and where the first two photos are taken! I also got to go to a wonderful ball and danced with all my friends, which I'll post photos of soon. Now that the events are over, I'm rereading Sharpe's Command bc I have my review in my drafts and want to revisit it.
#;ooc#;kiran goes to spain#(i had quite the crush on fernando who is in the bicorn hat)#(but he is gay LMFAOOOOOOOO just my goddamn luck)#(but he's a really amazing friend and my spanish has improved SO MUCH talking to him bc he doesnt speak any english)#(and he's patient and kind and very helpful and i've learned a lot)#(and a lot of my new friends have told me that A: my pronunciation is actually really good#(and B: that when I do speak I speak it like i've been speaking for years which is a HUGE shock to me and i am so so pleased)#(im going to be really sad when i go back home and loose this ability bc i have no one to practice it with)#(BUT i have so many photos and so much fun!!!!!!)
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been telling my siblings 'you would NOT make it in vulcan academy' when they do smth goofy recently and nobody's been able to refute lol
#just me hi#listen here you little idiot... [<- fond]#anyway i've been doing this for months and it brings me much joy hbfhsvh#to me it's just an academy. with vulcans. and they are NOT getting enrolled loll#//so speaking of siblings i've been off and about with my dad more often#which is cool but that means spending a lot more time away from my siblings and ouhhrhrhrhrhrhrhhghhhhhhhhh#[tears in eyes]#my buddies :( Where Are My Buddies :( lmaoo#staring out car windows yearnily bc i want my brother's opinion + dumb joke combo on some random thought i had but he's miles AWAYYYYYYYYYY#i'm home rn but like. Man hfbhsfbvh#//oh man but here was one time one of them used the academy thing on me and i could only sputter. touche motherfunker lolllll#//anyway i am exploding all of them with my mind [<- endearing]#my youngest siblings do art (because they saw me doing it [funkin dies and explodes and cries and stares at a wall forever] lol <3) and#they're ! ! ! ! ? ? ? ?#leo does humanoids + has a more geometric style atm and it's really cool!! he keeps asking me to help him draw hands but he asks me at like#1 a.m. when my brain isn't working practically anymore so it's just me going 'yea and the thumb bone connects to the hip bone. +~Somehow~+#[mystery chimes]' and then he goes off on some sort of random thought and we are derailed forever hgbbfhsh#and ruff is so good at drawing animals it's insane. like have you seen this kid's cats they are Sick ! ! ! i genuinely did a double-take#when i saw her stuff a couple months ago loll#/and then my older siblings are v into video games#which is cool bc if i am ever bored they have like 5000 things that i can suffer on while we all laugh hfbhsfhv#i think i'm still helping test one of apollo's games that he's working on -#he's learning code and all kinds of cool stuff - also he's insanely good at blender like Woauhghsgh. wizard shizz hbfhsvb#+ reed helps him w/ that bc i believe he's the architecture guy lol :) - also it turns out reed n i share a lot of opinions on media and#stuff so that's awesome :D he didn't know what whump was but he liked all the points of it so i tried explaining that to him the best i#could hbshfv o7#+ chess has been trying to convince me to give him + leo a ~mystery~ story to play and i finally caved lmjfhsjf#he's real good at the clues it's going well :3 i am scared for my life HFBVhsfvh#also trying to convince him to play kartrider w/ me again cuz i have leo on it now and we need a 3rd okay-to-decent player in our soon-to-b#posse Loll :33 //i ran out of tag space... ouhhh..... okay then.. ciao ciao toodles :D
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i had the day off so i spent like five hours doing budgeting. jesus fuck why is everything so expensive
#i'd need to make over double of what i'm making now to be able to live on my own#either a.) without a car + with a roommate somewhere near the city#which means i'd have to learn to use the public transport here. i've looked into it and none of the bus lines go beyond a very limited part#of the metro area so i'd need to find work somewhere within there.#or b.) with a car + renting on my own somewhere further out. the commute would be ass and the car maintenance even assier#thing is i really‚ really need to figure this out because i NEED to get out of this house for good#after i graduate i cannot land back in here.#there's this really cute girl i met at the club last month and we've been talking a lot and i'd love to be with her and i know she would to#but she's trans and my parents would legit throw me out of the house if they found out#and she doesn't deserve to be hidden‚ y'know? i want to be able to tell everyone i know and care about about us#but i just can't do that right now. and i hate the thought of missing out on relationships and stifling myself like this out of fear#i talk a big game sometimes but i'm TERRIFIED of the people and the things i've noticed i'm attracted and drawn to#because i know what my parents say about 'those' people. i've heard every mean-spirited‚ downright disgusted thing they've said#and for all the smiles and the hugs my family throws my way i know what they are. i've seen the treatment they give queer family members.#i have an uncle who didn't speak to his daughter for almost a decade when she came out as a lesbian#it was only a couple years ago that they started to reconnect and she can't even bring her partner to family gatherings because it makes#people 'uncomfortable'#i'm sorry i'm rambling at this point but i just wish things would get a little easier. instead i feel all this pressure and everything#getting harder#nothing left to do except put on my big boy pants i guess#sansgwilie
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not for nothing that roger and jeff are wearing completely identical suits for vicki's wedding down to the same pearl stick pin and it's roger that is distinguished with the accessory and the visual emphasis. that roger wears the pocket square and jeff goes plain without one, without a boutonnière (as feels the most probable and appropriate; they both wear boutonnières in roger's prophetic dream of the wedding). that not only is he wearing the handkerchief, but it's folded in such a way as so take as much space as possible – straying from accepted formality of a neat TV fold, occupying more room on the screen, drawing more attention, pointing among other things to his heart in bright white.
#i wrote about this in the tags of that gifset but i thought i should accompany commentary with images.#i've... for sure mentioned this scene before but i've read enough tonight that i feel more confident speaking on it more#than only – omg roger is wearing the same clothes. they could switch places. i wish they would switch places.#625.#it's a category of ds analysis where i do hesitate before ascribing importance but it's not going to stop me entirely.#a) davis could have just not put on the pin he was supposed to and that's the end of that story. not unlikely. but b)#the details *matter* in menswear – dark shadows costumes (in the present day) rely heavily on contemporary codes of fashion‚ class‚ leisure#many Many of the male characters mostly or only wear suits – the subtle differences in those suits (between characters; between days#and arcs) are responsible for communicating a great deal to us about who these people are – their place in the structure of things#and what they want right now.#and in costume design – when two characters are wearing an identical costume (a uniform; a wedding suit) the distinguishing features#take on the role of communicating details of character.#in american weddings the groom is dressed much more like his groomsmen than the bride and the bridal party – this is something#the costume team is going to be aware of and be purposeful about. even if they weren't purposeful: assume a 60's viewer who knows the rules#of suits‚ of weddings‚ of pocket squares (who knows much more than i do)#roger and jeff are dressed so much alike for vicki's wedding as to be nigh indistinguishable – it could have‚#had things played out differently‚ been roger in jeff's place.#both the script and the players elide the two in vicki's perspective (''why hasn't roger come back?'' ''you mean jeff don't you?'')#this being a wedding that he tried to stop – one in which he sensed disaster – one in which you already have the notion that maybe he does#wish it was *him* instead‚ though he won't say that. but his first and foremost priority in 625 and 626 is her happiness.#he takes the responsibility (and the shame) from vicki's shoulders of telling the guests that jeff left and there's no wedding.#he chases jeff down to the cemetary‚ to try to stop him from digging up a grave‚ and *implores* him to focus on offering vicki a life.#he has a large role in these eps perhaps especially because he's the one that had the premonition against the wedding; but also because#vicki is one of the few people he cares about – and he says as much. all this to say. roger is grabbing attention with his extravagant#pocket square – he's pulling focus visually; narratively; from the groom (in terms of vicki/the wedding – jeff has more to do with eve/#the graveyard/peter) vicki is spending as much time thinking about roger as she does jeff. and the moment where roger comes up to her room#to see her is .... well. there's more shared in the way they look at each other than all v/j's professions of love between them.#(and it's a distant echo of her first night in the house: roger at her bedroom door)#in the ds in my head (my beloved ds in my head) this is where the paths ought to have diverged. that vicki – no matter how much she loves#the past‚ how dearly she remembers the 18th century and peter and their ill-fated jail cell‚ has to choose now. not the grave‚ life.
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OK this is the last post I make on the topic because I don't like being too personal on Tumblr (not anymore at least) and tbh I might delete this after a while but it is so upsetting to see people shit on people who are addicted to gacha games. It doesn't matter what it is an addiction is an addiction. I've heard of people going into debt over these things like do you understand how sad and terrible that is. And like maybe idk we shouldn't laugh at them for spending 1k+ on some anime waifu maybe we should idk treat them like a human being and help them.
#turning off reblogs on this because i dont want this spreading#i say personal because ive been affected#not the extent that i've put myself in debt or anything wild don't worry#and to me its less how much i spent and more how fucking fast i was to spend it#but thats as much detail as i'll give#because a) i dont want to discuss it with you guys i love y'all but i have to set my boundries#and b) because as i said i would literally get made fun of for it#and people justify it like 'oh the characters are well written!' yeah because they want you to care about them so you spend money#its literally what the whole system is based on#in gensh!n at least i cant speak for other gacha games#the fundemental system is still fucked up#and look i wouldn't judge anyone for playing these games because that would be hypocritical#so like if you play them whatever#but just do really really think about what you're doing#for your own sake#i know its hard too i wont lie i miss gens!n because i used to play with my gf#she was so understanding though when i came away from it love that woman so much#not sure i would have stopped if it wasn't for her#im probably making it sound worse than it was but then again its probably like oh it wasn't that bad but if you think about it kinda was#just not as severe i suppose#and like final thing but the fact that i literally dont feel i can talk to anyone about this#im much better than i was because ultimately just coming away from the game and the fandom helped#but like because of the stigma around it on and offline i wouldn't feel safe talking about it unless its a professional therapist#and that's so fucked up#sounds like im looking for sympathy im sorry im really not (maybe a little subconsciously) but i want people to know that yeah its fucked#and you're not cool or better because you bully people for it especially if you play them yourself#sorry this post is all over the place ill def be deleting this in a few hours LMAO i just need to get it off my chest#and in fairness to y'all ye're good listeners#ask to tag
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interestingly the only mention i can find of a monastery loquarium is (rendered "loquorium") in "the california padres and their mission" by charles francis saunders and joseph smeaton chase, a book in the public domain:
The Mission relics at Santa Inés are many and interesting. Besides those used in the present-day church services, and the beautiful old vestments that are in the sacristy, there is a considerable collection arranged for interested visitors in an interior room of the convento — a room formerly used as the loquorium, where daily, after dinner and after supper, the friars were at liberty to come to rest for an hour from their laboring and praying, and relax in human chat.
the next paragraph also mentions this room now housing relics "patiently got together from all sorts of places," including "from the earth of the surrounding fields as the plough turns it up"
#originally the search yielded archive.org's text version which seems to have been like that autogenerated version from (their own) scan#where it clearly results in a lot of typos as it's ''misread'' like ''inés'' becoming ''in6s''#so it made it difficult to cross reference w/the pdf scan lol...''convento'' had become ''comento'' like i figured that was wrong but had t#actually see the original text to know what had gone wrong there#speaking of limited information recorded in specific places....#how that santa inés is i believe from saint agnes; the portuguese form being inez#akd's character in ''the outside story'' being called ''inez'' in some articles but in the movie they're only called/credited as ''izzy''#a potential nickname; i could believe that this jumped off from them being named inez but thus far it remains apocrypha lol....#pentiment#it's also ofc like; how many resources on olden monastery rooms that aren't scanned / converted to text / public domain available thusly...#but you can somewhat expect Monastic Trivia to potentially show up in other sites or even via like online dictionaries....#checked as much by looking up another [term for Special Room in a monastery] and getting various results defining it#oh now i'm remembering some fun research moment learning that some like Christian Order was defined by standing during prayers instead of#kneeling...and the definition is available and they're all exactly the same b/c they all come from One Resource offering that definition#this came from that ''i'm drawing winston's Standing Posture a certain way'' moment where i read the wikipedia page for [standing] lol#which stemmed from reading the wikipedia page for contrapposto in an effort to learn other Artistic Terms For Standing Certain Ways#orthostasis....yep there it is in the ''see also'' section of the wikipedia Standing article: agonoclita / the agonoclites#7th century christian sect who Never Kneeled...name from greek for like ''i do not bend the knee''...One Citation = everyone's sole citatio#oh also noticing that a loquarium was probably all the more relevant when piero seems to note The Rule frowns on too much conversing for fu#like i've been to Dinner With Benedictines In Their Monastery multiple times lol no such pressure modern day to not chitchat#but that when Rule manifestations were thusly; a room that was like ''exempt'' from that would be unsurprising....fun chitchat hq#monasteries of w/e various orders having zones dedicated to being more chill than is supposedly required outside it....#hmm wikipedia's saying benedictines maintain silence As Much As Possible outside bonus silent hrs / social convos are Limited#news to me. also says ''but such details'' abt the day to day life is technically left by The Rule up to whatever Superior of an abbey#evidently the way of doing things at the one i was familiar with / around were not so pressed about silence / rare/limited socializing
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i gotta say that i'm grateful for food metaphors because a) they make What Codependency Actually Is way, way easier to explain, and b) they give enough of a buffer to explain said things without delving too much into gory details of one's personal experiences
#moogletalks#i am in the process of writing up a very long post about this. some highlights are:#a) codependency is not loving commitment. it is the opposite of loving commitment#codependency is not about being more than the sum of your parts together; it is not about keeping each other fed#it is about cutting off parts of yourselves and each other; it is about depriving yourselves and each other of food.#it is inherently about making you and your relationship /less/#b) codependency is a huge spectrum of traits; features; power imbalances; intentionality; toxicity vs abuse; and direction of the abuse#but what all of it has in common comes down to that.#c) codependency is care and support in the same way that crunch is productivity and love for videogames as an art form#d) why the fuck would you /want/ to do that to someone you love. why would you want to be a part of that process#e) on the flipside: why the fuck would you /want/ to taint someone's love for you by making it into a runaway train#and forcing them to watch helplessly as you park your car on the tracks in front of them and call it love#which. i /do/ know why. it fucking sucks so much and it's so hard when it feels like that's what love is. i've been there.#it's not. i promise you it is not. you deserve better and your loved ones deserve better; and better exists#f) people are unbelievably fucking cruel to codependency survivors and their allies who try to speak up and educate about the harm of this#because they want to sound cool and edgy and counterculture; and coo about their ships#and get clout off of dumbass '''profound''' aesthetic posts about devouring each other and living in a bog because it's Romance or whatever#instead of actually taking any responsibility for knowing what words mean and thinking about the things they say#because they didn't like the tone of some survivors who called them on it and therefore everyone who does is ~cringe~#g) the irony of this is that you stupid motherfuckers sound like people saying 'teehee i stepped on a leaf the intrusive thoughts won!!!'#there is zero difference here. none. you are being that guy.#and it is not any less harmful /or/ embarrassing when you are doing it to codependents instead of people with OCD#you're just embarrassing yourself on tumblr instead of tiktok#i am begging you. learn to take correction. just take the L#and admit that getting all your life advice from bogposts on tumblr is as dumbshit as doing the same with buzzfeed mental health listicles#abuse cw#ableism cw#codependency cw
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st john youth prizegiving tonite ..... only one more week and im FREEEE
#i will b switching to a relief leader role next year bc im so burned out i keep having nightmares abt this voluntary role i do for free#it's a shame bc it used to bring me SO much joy ...... but im just so fucking tired man .#literally all our kids are hardcore adhd and like. it's manageable w the teens cos like ...#they're very communicative about their accommodations#and they genuinely want to have conversations abt the broader systemic influences underpinning our lesson topics#so even when we get off-topic it's still on-topic in a way. and also just rly fun to explore those ideas with the younger generation#but i've been teaching primarily the younger kids this year and. OOF.#i had to tell a nine-year-old not to lick a table last week.#we've been working w a skeleton crew all year and also moved locations FOUR times. the entire leadership team is Exhausted.#kiwi speaks
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Me, literally doing nothing and minding my own business:
My fuckass shitstain brain: kill urself. It's imperative. You are legally not allowed to think abt anything else.
#like. brother. please. do we rlly need to b doing this rn#like. I got frustrated that I don't have a desk out here and the room is too small. but otherwise I've been doin fine#so why the fuck are we doing this rn. it's very hard to Not be depressed when any even neutral thing is overwritten by This Shit#eugh.#(I am fine dw- like safe lmao /gen)#armchair speaks#tw suicide mention#suicide mention
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CHRISTMAS!JJK FIC RECS
santa baby, slip some good d under the tree for me >< the list will be edited as i find more (recs/suggestions r welcome!) happy holidays <3 mdni, may contain nsfw content!
gojo all i want for christmas is you - fushitoru santa doesn't know you like i do - sugurus-thoughts loosing focus every time you speak, girl - madamechrissy beneath the mistletoe - lostfracturess (just meet me at the) apt - norikuna candy cane kisses - dark-and-kawaii last christmas, i gave you my a** - moonlitwitchdaisy like my stockings - versupital a nonsense christmas - mianaissante hoe hoe hoe - touyota monopoly - teamatsumu the lap mishap - jazzthatonewriterchick skip santa, we're both on the naughty list anyway - risoula sant✩'s present - toji-bunny-girl you're my wishlist - cocoamide duvet days and vanilla ice cream - madamechrissy gojo christmas fic - cuntphoric santa claus and his treats - riaki how to fake date a doctor - lostfracturess
geto bed chem - norikuna nothing beats the real thing - comatosebunny09 cindy lou who - sugurus-thoughts milk and cookies - indiewritesxoxo down the chimney - chaepink all i want for christmas is you - risuola last christmas - jujuscrolled christmas gift - loveanddeepdick
nanami santa baby - nininikki no one should be alone on christmas - moonlitwitchdaisy i'll be home for christmas, i promise - risuola white christmas - sugurus-thoughts
choso emo!choso - confietti ribbons with choso - creamflix looks like we're snowed in for the night - risuola under the mistletoe - osohchoso last friday night - norikuna
toji santa's cumming to town - nkogneatho he's a little bit older (like super old) but damn it, he's so hot .ᐟ - rosesaints an early christmas bonus - preciousamethyst "that's too much whipped cream" - theorphicangel 13 days til' christmas - esmedelacroix you'll be santa claus, i'll be mrs - myluckluv grinch's b!tch - toji-bunny-girl toji x reader christmas - madamechrissy the lap mishap - jazzthatonewriterchick santa's prettiest elf - saberlibrary that's so true - norikuna
sukuna baby, it's cold outside - kurooh mistletoe with sukuna - creamflix wanna let him unwrap me & get on top of him by the fireplace.. - gojoscinnamonroll like you're my queen - arminsumi i've been a naughty girl - candycandy00 i don't need a mistletoe to kiss you - risuola where the poison grows at christmas - daryascurse
yuuji under the mistletoe (smau) - adoresia kinikiling - mononjikayu
megumi stuck in a cabin - saberlibrary a spritz of peppermint - riaki secret santa with megumi fushiguro - twiishaa
etc all they want for christmas is you - sonarspace jjk christmas headcanons - kentosovertime jjk men as pervy mall santas - candycandy00 dear santa, i've been naughty (smau) - dreamingkitsunewrites christmas: christmas tree time (smau) - swirlingcurses christmas: secret santa preparation (smau) - swirlingcurses d!lfmas - tonycries telling them you signed them up for christmas caroling without them knowing (smau) - nanaslut “your christmas present is on the bed when you get home” (smau) - nanaslut santa tell me - tojicide holiday headcanons - kamitv
#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk fanfic#jjk gojo#jjk geto#jjk choso#jjk toji#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#geto suguru#nanami kento#toji fushiguro#choso kamo#sukuna#sukuna ryomen#sukuna jjk#ryomen sukuna#jjk sukuna#sukuna x reader#nanami x reader#jjk nanami#nanami smut#kento nanami#gojo#gojo x reader#gojo smut#geto x reader#jujutsu geto#suguru geto
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#crying reading a fic where character A was letting character B know that he should actually say when things r making him uncomfortable#or when things are too much#and char A was thinking that yeah maybe but it's nit how he's been taught how to do it#but rather to endure things and keep eveeything bottled up#and yeah. same. and lately I've been interacting with people who ACTUALLY know their limits and know how to communicate#when things are not right for them are just too much like they know how and when to speak up#but I personnaly just. don't. and have never done that in my life#if something makes me uncomfortable i'll just go through said thing without saying anything because because that's how i've been taught to#do it#to not bother and keep quiet and not be annoying#and it's part of why i'm fucked up now and why i am sooo not stable mentally like#yeah.#sometimes fics make you think and stuff as simple as that will hut u like a brick#hit*#(lmao sorry for the typos i can't type with my long ass nails😭)
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what are we? ── bakugo k. (1.4k)⊹ ࣪ ˖ part two
"so.. who here has a secret boyfriend we don't know about?" mina asks the first thing that came to mind not even a minute after this impromptu slumber party that's currently held in yaoyorozu's room
after a long week of training and pro hero studies, you lot decided to why not unwind by having a little sleepover at one of the girls' rooms. yaoyorozu was kind enough to volunteer to hold it in her room as she has never experienced sleepovers with others
you all looked at each other with curiosity. curious if anyone was actually in a committed relationship that the class didn't know about. not like it was their business or anything..
"what? nobody? that's kinda hard to believe.." hagakure comments, genuinely surprised since usually at this age where everyone is in high school, you're bound to get into relationships
"i mean it's like we have the time to mingle around since we're busy with training and on top of that, trying to keep afloat with our academics" tsuyu points out, a finger on her chin as she recalls if anyone actually had free time to spare amidst all the chaos your class has been through
hearing what tsuyu said, mina whines, dramatically flailing her arms around
"ugh i hate that what you said is true, tsuyu-chan.. but what about crushes! do you guys have a crush on anyone in class or anyone in ua?" mina continues to bombard everyone with questions related to romance. to you it almost feels targeted because you're not too sure if she knows something about you
"crushes?" uraraka trails off. all of a sudden she shakes her head vigorously.
"what's wrong uraraka-chan?" tsuyu asks, worried
"oh my god! are you crushing on someone?!" hagakure squeals, "you have someone in mind don't you!"
the girls (minus you, tsuyu and yaoyorozu) start to bombard her with questions
"is it midoriya?!"
"is it iida?!"
"who?!"
"it's nobody!" uraraka defends herself, shaking her hands around. mina pouts but drops the subject.
you didn't even realize that you were holding in your breath til jirou points it out
"what's with the sigh of relief, y/n?" jirou pokes your side jokingly.
wrong move on your part
suddenly there was a certain glint on mina's eyes. like you just walked into her trap
"you haven't said anything since we started talking about crushes, y/n-chan.. anyone in mind?" mina grins mischievously.
"no one" you say abruptly but it turns out your own body betrays you. you can literally feel the heat creeping up to your cheeks
"oh my god she's blushing! WHO! IS IT IN OUR CLASS OR CLASS B? WHO?! WE NEED TO KNOW" hagakure squeals in joy, suddenly clasping your hands together as she shakes you
"it's nobody you guys-"
"i've been meaning to ask, y/n-san.. if there's anything going on between you and bakugo-san" yaoyorozu speaks up for the first time tonight
mina and hagakure both scream in delight
"what makes you say that, yaomomo?" you ask, trying to calm your heartbeat at the mention of the boy you think you're seeing..
you and bakugo had a weird, for lack of better word, "relationship" going on at the moment. one would call it a situationship but you're still not 100% sure if it's even heading to that direction
it all started after the provisional license exams. the same night where he and deku had a brawl at ground beta. right after bakugo and deku got dismissed by aizawa, you bumped into him in the kitchen. obviously scared out of your wits that he was looking all beaten up, you brought him to the nearest bathroom to clean his cuts and bruises
since then you and him had found yourselves in this weird "relationship". sure, he's still the same bakugo you first met during the first day of classes. always brash and rowdy but when it was only the two of you.. he was.. a littler calmer than usual
to others, he was his usual explosive self but when it came to you, his tone would be a little softer. still, it's still rough around the edges but the subtle change is noticeable if you were a close friend of his
overtime, you and bakugo slowly became touchy with each other. there were lingering stares, lingering touches when you two were paired up to spar during training and what not
obviously with this sudden change of attitude towards you, the whole class noticed it. why were you getting treated differently by the king explosion god himself?
and before you even noticed it, you found yourself almost by his side at all times in the dorms. may it be in the kitchen where you're basically his second in command when he was in charge of cooking, in the lounge whenever everyone decides to have a little movie marathon or a little celebration, literally everywhere to the point everyone had made assumptions that you two have something going on
have you guys said anything about your little situation? no
have you guys shared a kiss? maybe
have you guys been caught holding hands? definitely. on multiple occasions
but nobody dared to question it. or else they would've been blown away by boom boom boy himself.
that is until, the girls found an opening which was tonight at yaoyorozu's room, in the middle of your slumber party
"i didn't mean to eavesdrop that one time but i overheard you giving him your notes when he was under house arrest for a few days" yaoyorozu sheepishly admits. she suddenly clasps her hands together and bows as she spews apologies for eavesdropping that one time
and like a domino effect, it seems like all the girls have noticed something about the two of you all along
"that reminds me! when we were practicing for the school festival, one time i saw bakugo teaching y/n how to play drums!" jirou quips
"did you guys notice the look on bakugo's face during the joint training with class 1-b when she got hit by gevaudan?! he was pissed!" uraraka adds
"don't think we didn't notice the look you have on your face whenever bakugo comes home from their remedial classes" hagakure teases
"god i've been dying to know! kirishima keeps telling me that he hears bakugo laughing to himself late at night at times now it's all clicking!" mina gushes
all this time you thought you and bakugo hid it well. then again it's like you two even had the chance to properly talk about whatever you two have going on
"so what do you have to say for yourself, y/n-chan? or cat got your tongue?" mina teases, nudging your shoulder
all the girls lean forward, awaiting for your answer
"... we're friends- yeah that's right! we're just friends you guys" you say awkwardly, scratching the back of your head as a nervous habit to top it all off
mina and hagakure don't buy it
"that's not very nice of you to deny your boyfriend like that" mina teases, poking you multiple times in hopes you break (you almost do)
not wanting to say anything else that could potentially jinx whatever you have going on with the blonde, you shrug. it might be a little embarrassing on your end to admit that you and the infamous bakugo katsuki were in a little dilemma you call a situationship
sensing that you weren't gonna budge anytime soon, mina moves on with the subject. talking about what quirks they wished they have from the class
you took this time to pull out your phone and send a little update to your.. friend
[9:24PM] you: so the girls asked me if i had a boyfriend.. [9:24PM] kitkats: and what did u say?? [9:25PM] you: i said no lol cus i dont have one [9:26PM] kitkats: ?? [9:26PM] kitkats: so am i just an arm accessory now or?
right before you were able to reply back, mina snatches your phone from your hands.
"no texting during the slumber party!" she yells, before taking a peek at who you're messaging
"give it back, mina!" you scream, trying to get your phone back to prevent her from reading what seems to be a new message from bakugo
"oh my god it's bakugo! wait let me send him a pic so he won't disturb our party" she squeals, taking a quick selfie of everyone with you looking all stressed out
"and.. sent!" she smiles proudly. after what seems like torture (it was only a few seconds) mina tosses your phone back to your hands before continuing on whatever you guys were talking about
not even a minute later, bakugo replies
[9:30PM] kitkats: raccoon eyes you better not set yn up with someone else when im literally right fuckin' here
#bakugo imagines#bakugo x reader#bakugo scenarios#bnha imagines#bnha x reader#bnha scenarios#mha imagines#mha scenarios#mha x reader#my hero academia imagines#my hero academia x reader#my hero academia scenarios#bakugou imagines#bakugou x reader#bakugou scenarios#bakugo katsuki imagines#bakugo katsuki x reader#bakugo katsuki scenarios#bakugo fluff#boku no hero academia imagines#boku no hero academia x reader#boku no hero academia scenarios
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19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.
The royal visit to Wolf Hall was, then, the most constant and closest proximity in which Jane had ever observed the King, for by the time she served the Queen he did not take pastime in her chambers any longer, and by the time she served her usurper, he did not leave the Boleyn circle for anything save statecraft, and the Seymours were rarely invited inside either. Although she rarely observed him alone…but paired. They would oft not deign to descend upon the household save for the occasional meal, only if ever and whenever weather nor natural night did not lend towards the comfort of viands outdoors; both sweat-dappled, gliding in from far afield as they stripped off their hawking gloves. Jane marked the days, each more insufferable than the last, each ended by peals of laughter ricocheting down the hall by evening, and worse, much later, peals of moans pierced her sleep. He did not seek her out at Wolf Hall. That would be how it would have gone was this some chanson, some Arthurian tale, but no, he did not even notice her, especially, at Wolf Hall, not with the Marquess dazzling him at every turn. He merely granted her the selfsame, detached courtesy he gave the rest of her family for hosting.
#anon#fic ask meme#im a huge bitch -- freckle from caleb gallo.jpeg#NT previews#i have to craft and form a plausible psychological blueprint for all this#which is basically that...progress was some form of renewed honeymoon/ vacation bcus while they're alternately promoting reform and#strengthening the ties of support with their allies and sporting and traveling from place to place#even gaining support...as chapuys was aghast but required to report#they are united#but once they're back at court all the same pressures and expectations come to the fore again#and then the cracks in their relationship start to show again#and their shared intimacy diminishes once they are back in 'routine' again#the constant audience + the constant pressure; again#actually their progress seems to have been fairly joyous so i've never liked how it's fictionally depicted#they were gaining supporters and norris remarked that the king had never in his life#'signed so few documents' ahr5gwrfshdfawegrifhuzc#a) speaking to perhaps how the reputation of henry as someone that left all that to wolsey has been overstated#(when i do my wolsey flashbacks i plan on depicting them as more collaborative; the best wolsey biographies depict this)#b) anne was recorded as being pregnant like...very soon after this progress?#i choose to believe it was because they were too busy fucking#tl; dr i don't actually believe jane seymour was in any way a threat at this time; only later#i feel like the visit has been endowed with significance just bcus we do know what happened later#even tho henry taking a mistress during his wife's pregnancies was pretty much de rigeur#not a new thing.#*to wolsey and to cromwell too; i should say#*psychological/emotional blueprint; i should say also
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