#(ahem. also why i kin him. ahem)

[happystarzarchive]

YOU GUYS i just saw someone point out how argos’ eyebags like almost DISAPPEARED after he finally got with mr plant and like. i cant stop thinking about that now. man probably LIED AWAKE AT NIGHT thinking about him…. the fucking YEARNING that we all know went down was somehow even more intense than we thought…………. i am not ok about this information

[sprinklenoodles]

Okay!

This one is going to be shorter since I am trying not to stay up late! (Future me. I lied but I made it! It's not 12 this time! WOOOOO!!!) 'Tis 11pm rn instead of 12 or 1am. Decided to read And Then I Go And Spoil It All By Saying Something Stupid Like "I Love You" Did more art today so I didn't have a lot of time to read that much! Also, it's Jin and Kijo! The doomed gays!! I had too! Also, sliding this in. Hope you had good celebratory time!!! I'd say more but I forgot how to use more words. Yay for celebratory noises! As for my vaguely silly comments for the fic, it be good. Short, sweet, got the TUMI lore in there. So, pretty neat! Not crazy or anything since it's a little oneshot into the lives of Kijo and Jin in their youth, but still!! Makes me think more about these two. Mostly Jin because I never even cared about him much other than "HEADMASTER" and "KYOKO DAD". That kinda stuff. Never even took account like... his personality and what he likes, dislikes, or even how he was in his youth. Guess he kinda just existed in my mind before so it feels nice finally thinking critically about his character a bit more. With Kijo, I always had that intrest because he's so much of a mystery. In the game, there's only the allusion of his preseence cus "Duh! Byakuya came from somewhere. Not some money hole like some money mole" (heehee that rhymed) And like, the only stuff of Kijo IS his name. So I already was in that mindset to wonder about him. What kinda of guy would be responsible for the creating of Byakuya. Which, honestly, maybe I just need to one day go and just... look into the depths of Jin lore. A Jin Journey. Cus I know nothing and it is a crime. Realized this didn't have much fic talk in it and more just me blabbering about Jin and Kijo so I hope you don't mind! Also, since why not add some out-of-pocket thought, I must say this cus it's true and happened yesterday on my end and it's a wild realization. AHEM. I think Byakuya Togami made me realize I might be aroace or like, on the aroace spectrum. This sounds so dumb but it's true. Also think your headcanon for him helped me realize that. I thank you for good fics, interesting ideas, and self-actualization somehow. Like, no one could have guessed that to be on the bingo card. So, by the time of your reading this, it'll be like, 2 days since I had that realization which I'm still shocked about! I digress though. Thus, to end this off, take this MS paint doodle I made in like... less than a few minutes.

The way I drew Kijo is so freaking funny to me. He's so head empty. You bonk that head and he just doesn't react cus there's nothing in there. Also, would their ship name be Jijo or Kin? Kijogiri? Jingami? Also, I will give Kijo better hair some day. I promise!

That little one-shot is one of my favs. It's both recent and is just a nice little addition to the TUMI universe, which I always love to do.

It was also just time for Jin and Kijo to get something that focuses just on them, even if it was just a prequel... but who knows, that might become more...

But I really liked writing it and I'm glad u liked reading it :D

Loved the little doodle too! Poor Kijo's hair tho 😔 And I dunno what the ship name should be... Maybe something ✨creative✨

As for what you've realized, congrats! I'm glad my fics could help with that, though I'm not that surprised that they did. One thing I've noticed is that quite a lot of my readers are aromantic.

Also, I recommend watching this video by JaidenAnimations! It's her coming out as aroace and was quite eye opening for me back when I watched it the first time!

But congrats on figuring that out! If you ever have any questions or whatever, you know where to find me!

[annymation]

What things annoyed and infuriated you the most in Wish 2023 (or Canon!Wish)?

OOOOH BOY! You just gave me permission to open a whole can of worms! Let's gooo!

Okay so here's a list:

I don't like how weak the reveal of what Magnifico actually does is. Asha finds out that he doesn't grant all the wishes, awesome, that would be a cool reveal, except, it's not a reveal, she freakin KNEW THIS! Asha herself said to a kid "It could be you someday" COULD! Asha, you said COULD, as in, there's the POSSIBILITY he'll grant that kid's wish, not a certainty! Not to mention if he only grants ONE wish per month then OF FREAKING COURSE not all wishes are granted. Okay, case in point, there's no grand reveal that the king is doing something no one knew, Asha apparently just forgot how their kingdom works.

Now hear me out, I am NOT one of those people that says Magnifico is a hero and Asha is a villain, I wanna make this clear, because although I find people who legit think like that kinda funny and I reblog their takes from time to time, I also find it frustrating that Disney managed to make a STRAIGHT, WHITE, MAN, IN A POSITION OF POWER, MORE LIKABLE THAN THEIR SECOND BLACK PROTAGONIST! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? IT'S SO EASY TO MAKE US HATE HIM!!!-ahem- But, although Magnifico is the most likable character in the movie, I do not see him as a hero, no no no, keeping the wishes away from the people of Rosas is bad, pretending that he'd grant Sabino's wish only to say SIKE was bad, saying he'd never grant Asha family's wishes was bad. So, am I saying Magnifico is a villain?... No. That's topic number 2, Magnifico wasn't a villain, he was a jerk. A jerk does not a villain make. I didn't feel threatened by that man for not a single minute, and that's including when he was possessed by the evil book, speaking of which.

That dang book both ruined and saved the movie honestly, because yeah, although it's a stupid way to make Magnifico an actual villain, but in a way that makes us sympathize with him since he's not in his right mind, and the last thing you want is for the audience to feel bad for your villain... Well, there's exceptions of course, but that's a whole other subject. But even though the book caused all this damage, it also gave us King unhinged, campy, straight up evil, fruity, voiced by Chris Pine having the time of his life Magnifico, and I loved every second of it, I ate possessed Magnifico up, I was living for every cringe cliche evil dialogue that came out of him, like hell yeah, that's what I've been waiting for, that's what it's all about WOOOOOO!!! I loved him so much I just copy pasted his personality into the Magnifico in my rewrite, although, my version is actually willing to kill teens, while Canon Mag seemed more hesitant for some reason, my headcanon is that Magnifico was fighting the curse deep down, and that's why his magic actually didn't hurt anyone, so... That's sad, hope he breaks out of the mirror and kills them all Idk

We're on topic 4 and this is not even half of my problems oh my... Anyway, Asha is boring. And I mean like, in a way that feels intentional, how did they do it? It's fascinating how she has nothing going for her, she doesn't stand out, doesn't have any internal conflicts at the start of the movie, something ALL Disney princesses have: Belle doesn't fit in with her village, Mulan struggles to make her family proud, Mirabel struggles to make her family proud x10.000, Moana wants to explore the sea but can't, Ariel wants to explore the land but can't, Jasmine wants to get out of the castle but can't, Cinderella is a victim of domestic abuse, ya'll get the idea, all these girls get their struggles that make them compelling, what's Asha's struggle that has been with her for most of her life?... Uh... Her grandpa, this dude we just met and seems pretty happy... Doesn't have his wish granted yet... Ok, what else? Oh yeah everyone in town seems to love her and dance along with her to show tourists how cool the kingdom is... Uhum... So yeah she has no compelling struggles that hook us with her from the start, and the conflict she DOES get, as I explained before, feels underwhelming.

The setting, oh the setting. Like, don't get me wrong, the architecture is pretty, but nothing about it screams SPAIN to me, where is the cultural food? Where are the bulls? Where's the stuff we associate with the Iberian Peninsula? They did such a good job in Encanto, what the heck happened? Oh and did I mention that most of the animals that appear in the forest are not even native to the Iberian Peninsula, there would be no racoons in a medieval setting there, considering they're an invasive species that was brought there from North America, something that, I assume, wouldn't be possible back then, as I don't think the americas were even discovered yet, but anyway, there they are, racoons hanging upside down from their tails, something they can't even do. Sorry for expecting biology accuracy from my disney movie guys, but you can't just make Encanto, that was freaking amazing with it's inclusion of so many gorgeous latin American animals, and then do whatever Wish is, like bruh where were the Lynxes??? They're an endangered species there, Disney could've raised awareness!!!

The music...

Valentino was absurdly annoying, and it would be SO EASY to make a baby goat cute! Baby. Goats. Are. Cute. SO WHY DID YOU MAKE HIM UNFUNNY GOAT THAT MAKES BUTT JOKES???

Characters were unmemorable, Asha's mom didn't do anything, Sabino, whose supposed to be the backbone of the story, is barely a character, and again, it's not like Disney hasn't made likable elderly people before, Moana's grandma, Mama Coco, but my guy Sabino was just... There.

Aaaand I probably could go on and on but I can't think of anything else, feel free to share your own problems with the movie yall.

[drearygenie]

psychoanalyzing paralyte (my favorite kinnie)

(i do have kyborg week's day 3 but ill post it tmr)

(obvious spoilers for up to the very end of infinights)

prattle is obviously pretty neglectful of luce, because his priority was always boulderay

even when he reached out to luce after she left, it was for the sake of boulderay. he couldnt care less that she had a life outside him. also the fact that they meet in the sangrianite mines, meaning he's already distrusting her power. then why does he want her to be mayor? he figures that AHEm can shape her into a perfect mayor (he did it for brink, meaning he was already trained to teach people how to turn into leaders). what matters is that prattle would rather put the lives of luce and all the innocent people working in the mines than trust his daughter not to hurt him (i dont say himself because he's already dying from the sangrianite).

and after Luce has her big tantrum(i only bully her because i kin her), prattle asks her to help these random people become diplomats even though she herself wouldve likely done a better job. so Luce thinks he still doesnt trust her to do that job right. that makes Luce bitter.

so she fucking steals prized artifacts from the countries boulderay is supposed to ally with !! and mayor prattle, does he care that his daughter just committed a crime? NO ! he cares that a crime was committed and now he has to clean up after it. if he had ANY faith in her, if he believed that she had potential to change, he wouldve held her accountable. but why would he? shes not his problem. shes a threat to boulderay and everything will blow over once she dies.

she doesn't care about prattle's well being either. i mean, she knows he's dying and she put locked him up into a cold prison. hes just a weird delusional old man to her. and when she executes her plan, the people who she was supposed to count on, the infinights, rejected her. (ik this isnt chronological shh) and this is where she parallels her father. as soon as they stopped listening to her, the infinights became tools. they are pawns that if she plays right, can be used in her favor. but you know, i think she still was rooting for them somewhat (grisleve, ifykyk).

so when she went to jail, was she remorseful? NO! so the big money: why was she doing all this?

easy. she didnt want to be a leader. she didnt want to help people. she wanted to prove Prattle wrong. she wanted to prove that she could do what he did and better. little miss luce "im here once again to save everyone's ass" prattle built herself a savior complex with her insecurity.

and what i found super interesting was her character arc. because she obviously didn't become a more moral person. (murder, still believes she's a great leader, still using her gloves, etc). what changed about her was her motivation. she stopped believing she needed to prove prattle wrong.

ok ill stop projecting now

[marblesphere]

Clan Leader Gojo Satoru AU

A short one-shot to enjoy! 😆

!!Warning!! Implied smut, suggestive theme and violence. MDNI, please.

Arranged marriage…

You would think in this modern era, that ancient method is already nonexistent. But it actually still lives… albeit most people have modified it to suit the modern era… that is what we call blind date.

But I am in fact, being arranged a marriage with a man whom I have never seen the face. Objection is not an option, so I have no choice but to be married off. Such is the fate of the weak clan in jujutsu world. There are number of reasons why the old fossi… ahem, I mean elders choose the weak clan to be the wife of the head of the current strongest clan, the Gojo clan.

First off, as we are weak, we are easier to control. I can be a spy for them who can observe the head of Gojo in the closest distance… which of course, I am not going to do. In fact, I would do the opposite.

Second, we are a weak clan, but as weak as we are, we are good at collecting information. Thus, many of my kins are windows or work in the admin of jujutsu circle and the best part, is they have access to all information available, including information that has no relation to jujutsu world. Thus the main reason for me being placed as the head of Gojo clan’s wife.

Third, my appearance… no, I am not saying I have an Earth-shattering, Heaven-defying type or even a beauty that will ruin the nation type of appearance. But according to them, my so-so appearance (according to me) and petite height are also a weapon to reign the wild clan head.

Fourth… apparently, I have the ideal body structure to accommodate pregnancy, labour and delivery… so, they want me as children breeding machine. Probably thinking if they can’t get the Gojo head to surrender to their whim, our children will.

On that note, they can #$$^%^$%&^*&%^%$&^% themselves.

But it’s not all bad. If there’s one thing I know about my husband be is that he is unbelievably handsome. Who wouldn’t want a handsome husband to look at? Granted, I might not be able to look at him every time I want… I don’t even know if I can see him after the wedding. But… well… whatever happens will happen. If the time comes, I can just look at the wedding picture to savour his appearance.

And today is the day of the omiai, the day I will meet my future husband-to-be for the first time. we have been sitting for an hour in the… whatever room we are in now, waiting for the esteemed head of the Gojo clan, Gojo Satoru to come.

The noisy old fossils are gritting their teeth now, that Gojo Satoru must have done it on purpose. This deserves a thumbs up, but since I am also waiting and getting tired too, I must retract my thumbs up.

After another eternity… which is actually just five minutes in reality, the shoji door slides open, revealing the head of the Gojo clan, in his kimono, saunters in like he owns the room… okay, he owns the room since we are in Gojo mansion now. He didn’t bother to be polite or pay any respect to old fossils.

He plops on his seat cushion, hands inside the sleeves and eyes surveying the glares he is receiving with glee. ‘Ah, this is a routine.’ My mouth twitches at his reaction.

“Gojo Satoru!” one of the old fossils started by calling his name.

‘Haaa… he is on it again.’ I let out a small inaudible sigh behind my furisode sleeves.

“Mutsuki Fuuka.” Another one calls my name and I know I am going to listen to their nonsense again… it’s about how to be a good wife, how I must bear a male heir… blah blah blah… it’s something they have repeated for the nth time and something that I have never listened to for the nth time. Instead, I just doze off.

I don’t doze off for long before I suddenly feel my body lurches forward. I jolt awake and see my angle of view have shifted. I am staring at the floor… I peer up and see my husband to be is peering down at me, smirking with amusement dancing in his eyes. He then shifts my body, so I am being carried in princess style.

“That’s enough nagging from you,” he said.

“We only talked for 5 minutes.” They barked.

“Shut up.” Gojo Satoru glared, effectively chilling the temperature and his curse energy spiked up. “My wife is tired, she needs her sleep.” With that said, he carries me out of the room, leaving the screeching-but-can’t-do-anything elders.

“Where are we going?�� I struggle to focus on my bleary eyes.

“My room. It’s comfier to sleep there,” he smirked.

“Oh…” I drop my head into the hollow of his neck and continue sleeping.

The next day, I woke up in a comfy huge bed, with my hair undone and furisode changed into a yukata, and on the side of the bed was my future husband-to-be. I tilt my head, trying to remember what had transpired last night. “Oh.” I hit my fist on my palm. I was carried here so I could sleep better. Now… I look at my sleeping husband-to-be. Can I get out of bed without waking him? Should I just step over him? Can it be done? With my short legs? Maybe I can just step on him?

“Pft.” I look at my now awake future husband who is trembling while holding his laughter, one of his pretty blue eyes is peeking at me… he must have been awake for some time. “You sure are calm for someone who woke up on a bed with a stranger.”

“…We are going to get married?” I tilt my head to the other side while answering his question.

“Yeah, we are.” Gojo Satoru sits up, tousling his hair. His messy from sleep yukata is revealing part of his torso. “Like what you see?” he stops ruffling his hair and teases me instead.

“Yeah. Looking at pretty things can elevate my mood.” I nod without batting an eye.

“Well~” he drawled. “Looking at pretty things does make the mood better for sure.” He purrs.

“?”

“In any case, nice to meet you, wifey.” This sentence means he will accept the arranged marriage. We do share a common interest in making the old fossil go bald or even better if they died because of high blood pressure.

“Likewise, hubby.” We shook hands and sealed our fate together. ~”~

The wedding ceremony happens pretty fast after our initial meeting. In one week, I have officially and legally become the wife of Gojo Satoru, sitting in the position of Mrs. Gojo. The old fossils are anticipating the birth of the heir, but here’s a secret… the two of us haven’t consummated our marriage yet. The reason is simple… it’s all to drive the old fossils crazy and also we promised each other that not touching without consent.

For the flashy show my husband gave to the world to see, he is an upright and morally just… okay, a bit questionable because he sometimes pulls crazy stunts to make the old fossils die quicker. But he is not a philanderer or whore or gigolo or anything remotely close to that. Man is busy leading his own clan and out to exorcise curse spirits all day around… or he is the master of hiding all of his scandalous affairs.

*Flick*

“Ouch.” I rub the sore red spot on my forehead.

“You are thinking about some strange things again, aren’t you?” Satoru rolls his eyes.

“I am not. I am just thinking whether you are a gigolo or not.” I answered.

*Flick*

“That’s what I call a strange thing.” Satoru deadpanned. “…Seriously, do I look like one?”

“Absolutely.” I give him a thumbs up, the highest praise I will ever give to someone.

“Seriously?” he sweatdrops.

“Seriously.” I nod.

“…”

“So, are you?” I ask.

“It hurts when your own wife doesn’t believe in you. Oh, woe is me.” Satoru clutches his chest, where his heart is. I am just staring at him, waiting for his answer. “…I am not.” His palm drops on the top of my head.

“I know. Just want to clear the doubt. There is a 0,0000000000000000001% chance that you were hiding them.”

“At the very least, I can promise you I will never lie to you,” Satoru mutters. Our marriage is one of mutual respect for each other… and in the scheme of how to make those old fossils die out of anger.

Life is all and good. We have a very very peaceful life for a short while before the old fossils can no longer wait for the pregnancy news. Since the nagging has no effect… well, not like we listened to it anyway. They take a drastic measure that we never expected to.

The two of us just came back from dinner. The servants of the mansion inform us that noisy old fossils are waiting for us in the drawing room. Satoru narrows his eyes but says nothing. We make our way to the drawing room. Opening the door, the sharp gazes of old fossils zero to me. I blink at the blatant hostility. Satoru takes a step forward and shields me from them, with his chin up and eyes looking down at them. “Speak. If this is not important, I will make sure you spend the rest of your lives in the hospital awaiting death.” His cold voice, though spoken normally, still instils fear into the people present.

“Hmph!” one of the ancient fragile fossils harrumphed. “If it’s not because of your incompetent wife, we also don’t want to waste our time here.”

“Oh?” Satoru cocks his brow, his curse energy is simmering… as if waiting for the right moment to erupt.

“That’s right! Your failure of a wife still hasn’t gotten pregnant yet despite being married to you for a month.”

“…” I blink, tilting my head. I have a hunch they will come to hound us about this sooner or later… but not this soon. Just like they said, we only have gotten married for a month… shouldn’t they have at least waited for about… half a year?

“So?” Satoru pressed.

“We have chosen another more suitable woman to bear your child. Come-” A flash of red flies straight, brushing the speaking elder and straight out to the veranda and garden, effectively destroying the room and garden.

I hear a high-pitched shriek and a woman scrambles away in fear. My mouth takes an ‘o’ shape as I see what she is wearing. The woman basically wearing the skimpiest of clothing that it’s borderline illegal to wear in public.

“What did you say?” Satoru’s massive curse energy releases a suffocating pressure. The elders are trying to get the words out. “What did you call my wife? A failure?” the pressure grows heavier and it starts affecting me too. “How about I show you the fate of the one who dares to slander my wife?” even bigger pressure is enveloping the room… probably the whole mansion. The woman has already fainted from the said pressure and her body is twitching. I hope she will be okay and hopefully not foolish enough to believe these old men in the future.

Now… on to the more pressing matter…

“…Satoru…” I tug his sleeve, trying to get his attention. “I can’t breathe,” I mumbled softly. In an instant, the pressure dissipated and I could breathe normally again. “!” Satoru lifts me into his arm.

“Do not show your faces here anymore or next time it won’t end without you all retiring six feet under.” His eyes glow as he looks at them and clicks his tongue. “This will be the last warning I give you.” with underlying promise, Satoru brings me back to our bedroom and sits me down on the bed. He starts firing a barrage of questions in panic to check me if I am alright.

“I am fine. I don’t think I suffer any internal damage.” My mouth twitches at the contrasting sight of my husband. He was so ready to turn into a serial killer just a moment ago, and now he is like a lost puppy who is guilty of doing something bad.

“Are you really sure? I shall have Shoko do a full checkup on you.”

“You are exaggerating.”

“Worrying for your wife's well-being is not exaggerating.” He pouts, resting his head on my thighs.

“I will be fine after you feed me a lot of sweets.” I smile, burying my hands into his white tresses, stroking it, earning content hums from my hubby.

“We will be having our own Tour of Sweets starting tomorrow.”

“Okay. I am looking forward to it.” I let out a light giggle as I continued stroking his hair. “But to be honest… I was expecting this to happen, but not this soon.”

“They were a bunch of old fossils that can’t think of anything except playing with young girls. There’s no need to heed their stupid nonsense.” Satoru grumbles.

“I won’t… but they will surely bring this up again in the future.”

“Would they dare? I wasn’t threatening them. I was promising them that death would greet them next time.” he snorts.

“You know they would…”

Satoru lifts his head to look at me, “Haaaa…” and lets out a tired long sigh. “I have a surefire way to shut them up permanently.”

“By burying them six feet under?”

“Tempting, but not that.”

“Oh, do tell.”

“I just need to make sure you are pregnant with my baby.”

“…”

“…”

For a while, the two of us are just staring at each other. *boof* and a small blush covers my cheeks as I quickly push Satoru’s head down, squishing him to my thighs.

“F-Fuu?” Satoru twists and turns just to take a peek and is absolutely gleeful at my flushed cheeks.

“...will… will it end after I got pregnant or… do you have ulterior motives?” I asked softly.

Satoru blinks, pushes himself up and plants his hands on either side of my legs, face hovering close to mine. “Will you get angry if I say I absolutely have ulterior motives for doing this?” His voice is barely above whisper as if he is saying his deepest secret.

“Depend on the ulterior motive…” I reply with the same hushed tone.

“I want to dote on you… even after you are pregnant with my child… even after the child is born… even after you grow old… and will still dote on you even after you reincarnate…” The gap between us is just a hairbreadth. If I tilt my head up just a tiny bit, the gap will be closed.

“Was the last part necessary?” I blink, amused.

“Yes… absolutely…” his lips graze mine. “I want us to be together for our next next next life… for eternity…”

“Can you really do that?”

“Of course. I am the strongest.” He purrs as he manages to get me to lie down on the mattress, deliciously pinned underneath him, with one of his legs wedged in between my legs.

“Then, if you don’t hold up on to your promise, I will curse you for all eternity. You won’t be able to get it up.” I said.

“It can never get up unless it’s for you.” A wide predator grin adorns his face. Satoru doesn’t bother to mask the burning desire in his eyes.

His gaze prickles my body, making it hotter, all the while sending shivers down my spine.  “...nn…” and a barely audible moan escaped my lips.

Satoru growls and buries his head in the crook of my neck, sweating and breathing heavily. His hot puff of breath does nothing but contribute to my arousal and his hot pulsing erect limb is pressing right on my aching core.

“Fuu…” he licks a stripe up my neck. His voice is thick with need and desperation.

“Satoru…” my own voice is also thick with desire. “Make me yours and in turn be mine completely.”

Being given the brightest green light ever. Satoru is quick to get to work. In no time, the annoying barrier called dress, clothes, pants and underwear are scattered on the floor…

Skin touching skin, lascivious delightful moans and groans followed by obscene squelching sounds echo in the bedroom. No more words need to be exchanged between us. The raw primal need and the carnal desire to be one is enough as conversation for tonight.

Stroking, groping, licking and thrusting. Each of those actions spoke volumes of how we have yearned for this… yearned for each other. Despite only knowing each other for a month, we are so sure that we are the one for each other.

Satoru's guttural growls and groans are ringing deliciously in my ear. The way his hot burning hands stuck themselves tightly on my hips. Each sharp thrust of his is taking me higher and higher to euphoria.

The way he pushes his load back inside with each thrust is turning me on more and more.

Satoru swears as he blows another load into my womb as I cum for the nth time tonight. But instead of going soft, his limb is still hard…

“So greedy…” he teased and abused my overstimulated hole. “...still refused… to let me… go…haaa… perfect…you are perfection…” stream of praises flowing out of his mouth like water.

My delirious mind can no longer comprehend what he said, incoherent babblings of his name is what I could say for the rest of the night. Wanting to feel more pleasure… even more than this… legs locked tightly on his waist, refusing to let go.

“Yeah… I will definitely get you pregnant after tonight.” Satoru pressed a kiss on my forehead and continued to drown me in his love.

After tonight, Satoru unlocked his hidden fetish for breeding kink. Just the image of his wife’s stomach swelling with mini him is enough to send blood rushing to his dick. Coupled with the image of his cum overflowing his wife’s tight hole… let’s just say he won’t be stopping anytime soon. ~”~

I was awakened by gentle kisses across my face. I let out a small whine because my sleep was disturbed. I am still tired and sleepy. My whine only serves my husband to laugh even more.

“Noisy…” I groan, burying my face deeper into the comfy pillow.

“It’s not my fault that you are so adorable.” A big hand wrapped itself around my stomach, pulling me flush against my topless hubby's hard chest. His hand wriggles around until it rests inside my (his) button-up shirt, on my bare lower stomach, slowly tracing patterns on where my womb should be.

“Do you think you are gonna get pregnant?” He whispered.

“...” with how many times he poured his load yesterday…

“Well, I can always try again today.”

“...I am still tired.”

“I will do all the work, wifey. You just need to sit back and enjoy it.”

From that day onwards, date is a routine in the day and physical intimacy is the routine for the night. I also picked up his habit of goading me to have physical intimacy by stroking my womb… and it succeeded more often than not.

The next day after, Satoru will wake up energetic, happy and sated… while I will wake up tired, happy and sated. I really wonder where he got his bottomless stamina… It's quite an envious trait.

Satoru is a very affectionate person. He doesn’t care when and where, he will dote on me when he feels like it. His doting will be in the form of having me sit on his lap to feeding me sweets… Be it in the middle of the meeting with old fossils or when he is out doing missions by calling while in the midst of exorcising curses… speaking of mission, he refuses missions that will cause him can’t go home for the night. When he was asked for the reason…

“I want to get my wife pregnant. Isn’t this the first and foremost priority?” He shamelessly threw the sentence to their faces. He was laughing hysterically when recounting the event to me.

Well, it’s not long until two red lines show up in the test. And 9 months later, an additional family member to the Gojo clan was born. ~”~

[sobeksewerrat]

Okay so- if you saw my aroace chr headcannon list, you probably saw Adam from Hazbin Hotel on there! It's been a while since I have written an essay, but honestly I really wanted to expand on my asexual Adam thought and @kiichu asked me to so here we go ;)

[ Just. Don't expect any actual thoughtful analysis. I am mostly just grasping at straws and projecting because I kin the dude ]

[ Oh yeah and I will reference the Trans Genesis AU a lot. Nope, Stanley and I did not abandon it. Sorry not sorry ]

First things first, let's look at his first appearance in episode 1.

Needless to say, he was a bit of an asshole. But something really stuck out to me.

In one of the scenes, he was recounting a date/one-night-stand he had to Charlie (because of course he was).

He clearly seemed to be describing the dinner date itself in detail, but he literally just caps it off with "and then we fucked, and it was awesome".

This line can be read in a few different ways, depending on your view.

1. They didn't actually fuck, the woman ditched him or didn't exist to begin with and he's lying to seem cooler.

2. It wasn't awesome (*at least for him, but yk could go both ways) and he wasn't about to go into detail about his less-than-stellar sexual encounter (I feel. Really uncomfortable writing this, I am too ace for this shit).

3. The logical explanation of the writers not wanting to include it for rating reasons and because of the episode's already short run time and also because we as the audience don't really need to know that. Though I think that if that were just that, a better alternative would've been that Adam either continues describing the date or starts describing the sex and either Lute or Charlie (or both) stop him.

For my interpretation of the ace Adam, we'll go with the second interpretation.

Allos love pointing out how "asexuals can still date/have sex" but they always neglect one thing: that's not exactly how sex-favourable and sex-neutral aces work.

I can't speak for everybody on the spectrum (especially since I am mostly repulsed), but wanting to have sex doesn't mean you feel sexual attraction.

So yeah this doesn't disprove him being asexual, though I am aiming for a very different interpretation.

Sex-repulsed Adam.

NOW, PLEASE HEAR ME OUT I KNOW I SOUND CRAZY!!

Ace men rarely get any representation, and a lot of men (especially cis men, but trans men too) don't realize they're ace or are actively in denial about it because of this thing called ✨toxic masculinity✨

I don't think it's too much of a hot take to say that Adam clearly falls into a lot of toxic masculinity stuff.

Being literally the first man, the original dick (or the original pussy if we're talking about the tgau), he is probably expected to uphold these harmful beliefs of masculinity or at least thinks he has to to be taken seriously (or be percieved as cis at least-).

Therefore, he's probably is in deep, deep denial of his asexuality and tries to cover it up by, well, sleeping around I guess (*hopefully not with human souls because i don't need any of the implications that come with that).

But that doesn't necessarily mean he enjoyed it, you know.

Now I don't wanna go too deep into this honestly quite depressing line of thought, so to keep it brief that's probably why he wouldn't go into detail about that one night stand- even though he totally seems like the type of guy who would talk about this stuff in excessive and unnecessary detail (can you tell I love torturing this guy. I mean if yk the TGAU you probably already know but shush).

That or because a lot of aces literally cannot talk about sex seriously. It has to be a joke or about an ao3 smut fic.

*ahem* Moving on-

The infamous "Now, I'm going to FUCK you" scene that every Adamsapple shippers love (no hate to Adamsapple shippers btw, except @roryheart fuck you Rory /lh silly (I love you buddy don't take this seriously)).

Just. Just look at his face when Lucifer says it.

It could just be pure confusion, which is quite understandable tbh.

Or we could go with the funny interpretation of Adam being so autistic and ace, he thought for a second that Lucifer was actually hitting on him this whole time and he just didn't notice. Purely because this has actually happened to me before and I wanna project-

Moreover, he looks lowkey disgusted by it and just attacks Lucifer immediately.

Whatever, now we get to the ✨angst potential✨ of ace Adam.

Elaborating on the bit of toxic masculinity from earlier, maybe he thinks that his aversion to stuff like is why both Lilith (and presumably Eve) cheated on him with Lucifer, because he wasn't a real man.

And if we wanna get really depressing, all we have to do is just remember that his only purpose was to have as many children with Eve (and previously Lilith) as possible to populate the Earth.

Yeah, sounds like a total nightmare scenario.

I have a few other ideas, but they're really half baked and not really well put together and stuff- idk I just think ace Adam is a cool idea.

Sorry if this wasn't exactly the essay any of you were looking for but I genuinely just think it'd be fun and kinda interesting to explore really.

Btw gonna make "sobek rants" exclusively for angry rants and gonna repurpose "brainingsewer" for essays and analysis and stuff. Not that anybody really cares about my tagging system.

[reapkusho]

pookie im halfway thru answering ur ask but im no where near finishing it (its gonna be a long ass post) why must you make me suffer this way /j

so I'm gonna ask u the same question *laughs in evil* >:) whos ur fav bsd character and y?

BEH I FELL ASLEEP WHILE I WAS MAKING MY ANSWER OMG IM SO SORRY

Ahem anyway. Apologies.

it's chuuya !!

Why, you ask??

Well.

It's a bit of a typical answer but bear with me. DISCLAIMER I actually haven't read stormbringer in full and my copy is taking a long time to get here so like ... my opinions are sorta invalid about him rn /lh

(1) He doesn't really have blaringly terrible character traits (being perverted, annoying, incompetent, whiny, etc.) He's a really charming character to me. He's willing to kill but he's not sadistic; he's not egotistical but he's not insecure and whiny about the hell he's been through—he's just confident (and effortlessly perfect but shhh).

I think his loyalty is actually one of his traits that stood out to me. Chuuya is loyal — almost to a fault because he keeps falling into the wrong hands. Kinda bothers me how a lot of people in the fandom treat him as a joke (and even actual canon). I think Chuuya has a whole "I have the strength, so I have to be responsible" mindset and that leads him to rationalize everything done for him/to him as above and beyond — because he isn't even human, so basically they're worthy of gratitude and repayment. At the same time I also think at some point Chuuya knows he's being used, but the thing is he doesn't mind, as long as he's indebted to them, he's ready to do anything.

CHUUYAAA THE MAN THAT YOU ARE.

Also I could go on forever about how Chuuya didn't deserve to be treated as a weapon (of course). The Sheep were kids, yeah, but he was a kid too. And his nature is to fully devote himself to his friends or people who gave him even a semblance of a home, so imagine how he must've felt when the Sheep discarded him as a traitor.

He's a really devoted character. To people who are important to him at least. Chuuya's also surprisingly kind as a mafioso?? Like.

And also that he's so contradictory as a character. Yes, he would kill and steal and blackmail, but he also probably thinks kids shouldn't smoke or drink and you should help old ladies with their groceries.

I think he'd be a good boss to his subordinates AND a good friend if ever. (Also all I ever wanted in a man frfr).

Aaaand I kin him. He's so similar to me it's not even funny sometimes lol

That's it beh. Enjoy

[ssho197]

Modern au xiao brain rot rn can't even anymore.

my pfp and header won’t load in properly and idk why

i wrote this during school and in class so

I would so kin a high school au xiao bc he’s smart asf but still super creative art-wise AND FUCKIGNFNJNKJD ATTRACTIVE ASF SJFLKKJVEK.

Anyways i think i used to have a list of all the senior subjects he would have but i “lost” the list so imma try to recreate it. Im pretty sure his list of subjects was literally almost the same as my subjects :skull: anyways i think it was, advanced english, advanced maths + extension 1 or 2 maths, sor cant remember how many units, visual arts, chemistry, biology or physics. PLS I CANT REMEMBERRRRRRR. HE WOULD SO LISTEN TO ODETARI. ODETARI XIAO SUPREMACY. Anyways he would not know how to talk to anyone for shi. Prolly acts super cool but either gets super flustered or cold if you were to help him with picking up smth, def DOES NOT get bullied bc hes so cool and way too attractive (also scary) for anyone to do anything mean to him. IM FUCKING TELLING YYOU. GIRLS WOULD DROOOLLLL OVER HIS ASS. (i wouod) AHEM AHEM AHEM. this whole paragraph is me on something. The only thing making it barely readable is google’s autocorrect. NOW THEYRE TELLING ME TO CAPITALISE THE G IN GOOGLE AW HELL NAW. IM HERE TRYNA TALK ABT XIAO. he probably tried to fail religion so he didn;t have to do it but then someone told him its mandatory and him failing RE affects his whole grade soo. Teahcers can’t decide whether to hate him or love him cuz he does the work quietly but he's a sassy little B-I-T-C-H. He also probs gets cautions and detentions bc of his shirt being out but prob rarely gets cautions bc he says to the teachers face that he looks better with it out and most teachers don't have the BALLS to tell him off or give him a caution. Probs only the same teachers giving him cautions anyways but theres always gonna be one girl in his class telling the teacher that xiao does look better with his shirt out. Now, would xiao play video games? Ngl probably not since hes like too busy doing his work. OMG HE SHOULD SKATE HE SHOULD SKATE. YES, OK SO. HE SKATES IN HIS FREETIME AND THATS WHY HES SUPER BEHIND ON SOCIAL MEDIA TRENDS. He does have an instagram but his pfp is still just the plain og grey one. He has no posts but he does post on his story sometimes. He follows you and definitely stalks your acc whenever he gets the chance. He looks through your acc THROUGHLY like he def examines everything, where you are, what you're eating, who your friends are and everything. he srsly doesnt have anything better to do with his time. Theres only so much work you can do before you go out to skate, then theres only so many cuts and scratches your body can take before you have to go home, and there are only so many posts on her instagram you can stalk :( I LOVE XIAO!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS MY FAVOURITE AND I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bro def got forced to go to the counsellor once, he hated it and was very aggressive the whole time but its ok bc hes pretty.

OMG IJOWRFBJKKJLNSFVLJSVKSJKJBSFSKFBBFKJ MAGINE LAWYER XIAO

I CANT EVEN ANYMORE RKLOJEFJKVBELSKLNKLSDKL JUST FUCING QDJFW [K J just imagine xiao in a suit and like lawyer xiao. But then i mean like, all lawyers are old and wrinkly and as old asf so idk if i could do that to my bb xiao

[lazyzineknightwobbler]

Fanfic idea. Jaskier's mom and her descendants are cursed to be a raven until they can marry their fated partner.

Jaskier's mother was cursed, as was her descendants. So, in turn, that was also another reason why he left his inheritance and family. He had enough of all the bad luck and wanton nonsense that was provided so 'kindly' by his kin.

The curse was an old one cast into his mother when she was but a child. It read that 'at the quater age of thee the seer of death and ill begotten luck would cover their line in muck. Only until they are bound to their mate in fate will they then be free of hate.'

Now Jaskier thought this was total bullshit. He is now well into his early 40s. Sure, the occasional shit fiasco happened to him, but he blamed that more on his profession, and well, ahem, his own personality, he guesses. Not something an old coot said to scare a child nearly sixty years ago.

This would be very wrong to think in his case because, what he did not take into account was, his father's line was mixed with quite a few long-lived beings. So this curse would not affect him until now.

The curse first starts with a need to collect objects of importance to the victim. In this case, it was things that Jaskier could make into instruments. So, when the prison guards gave him a spoon, he didn't think twice when putting it in his pocket.

Well, that's all I have for today. Thanks for reading. If this gets a lot of attention, then I might continue with it. If not, feel free to add your own twists. Thank you for the inspiration.

Okay but why did Jaskier have two spoons in the prison in season two? Did the prison meal just... come with two spoons? Did he barter with a guard for a second one? Has he been there long enough to have multiple meals with multiple spoons??

[akkkkollle]

Tokrev boys as bottom/subs. Pt 2: Chifuyu, Kazutora, Hanma, K*saki, Badji (they will both be at the end, so if someone is uncomfortable reading them, don't read them).

Tags:semi public sex, master kink, hair pulling, size kink, dressing up, blowjob, pet play, kink for praise, kink for humiliation, mentioning blows, playing with nipples.

🎴Chifuyu~

×Ahem, so. I think I'm very depraved, but timid.

×As I mentioned earlier, call him a kitten, please.

× Also pet play... Well, just imagine him wearing a collar and with cat ears...

×So-so.So . When he buys a pet store, fuck him there, please. He will be so embarrassed that you can be heard, and if Kazutora finds out about it.... Well, he'll be even more confused, heh.

× Loves doggy style, yes (although in this case it's kitten style, hmm).

× Master Kink, yes. Don't make me change my mind. I just think he's very impressed by the difference in position in each other's eyes. Well, that is, you will still be taller there, that is, his master, and he is your pet and ... yes, I'm very sorry.

× So, a kink for praise, definitely. He would really like to hear it, and to be honest, if you don't praise him, he will become very tearful.

× The boy is sensitive, I think 3 is the most sensitive boy. Just excessive stimulation with the refusal of orgasm, and that's it.

🎴Kazutora~

×This boy will do anything. To be honest, he doesn't mind almost anything. He just doesn't want to lose you because he thinks he's going to disappoint you... (sorry).

× I think he likes the attention, but he will never say that. That is, a very pleasant date before thoughtful sex... The boy may cry.

×Due to the fact that he spent 15 years in prison, he is enough... Reveres authority (although maybe he was, not the point is important), therefore... If you ever want unconditional submission...

×Dressing up. Maid costume. He. The chain is clear, right?

×Ahem, please touch his bell on the earring. Yes, it will melt.

Besides, I think he'll like it if you call him a tiger cub, why not?

I also think he likes to leave marks on his boyfriend, well, that is, on you. It doesn't matter which ones. Hickeys, bites, scratches. Everything.

🎴Hanma~

× He is so... yes. It's weird, but I like it.

× If you like regular vanilla sex, I will hasten to disappoint. He does not like boredom and monotony (well, that is, if you like this kind of sex, of course, but very rarely).

×To be honest, he doesn't care how to have sex. Beat him, praise him, humiliate him, do whatever you want, as long as it's exciting.

Now let's talk about his moans. Did you hear his voice? I think he would have almost the coolest moans.

×Very tantalizing. Although he's always like that, yes. But simply, if he wants sex, he will make his boyfriend want it too. In any way.

× He has... Sensitive nipples... I do not know, I just look at him and such thoughts appear.

×And, sorry. But he doesn't get tired after sex (only after very intense) and goes to smoke, yes (my kin) and... He can offer you if you smoke and you romantically cuddle on the balcony, smoking cigarettes.

🎴Badji~

×So, he is. He's just teasing, I'm serious. Perhaps even a slightly dominant bottom (or maybe even very much, but I don't write that😯)

×To obey, as I think you have understood, it is not easy to force him. But... Pull his hair, just do it.

×Plus sign to you if you are taller/bigger/stronger or something like that. It has a kink on the size difference.

×And as I mentioned(how many times will I say this...), since he likes to tease you, he will wear all sorts of depraved things. Like a skirt or high hips (or maybe a suit of some kind, if he's in the mood).

He will definitely call you by some nickname as a joke (he will just try everything, and then choose what you react to more).

×He has long fangs. He likes to bite. Take care of your shoulders and neck, please.

By the way, fuck him in his pet store, please. He will be in such ecstasy that you can be caught by Chifuyu or Kazutora.

🎴K*saki~

× Eh, he... He really does not want to obey, he is used to controlling, but still he will obey.

× In general, he is a tsundere, I think. So there are a lot of loud, provoking phrases in your address always.

×Are you taller than him????? Aww. He loves you even more.

× Actually, I think he likes it when you take off his glasses during sex and put them on yourself. It's his... Well, let's say it's very embarrassing.

× He would have sucked you off in public sooner or later. Just to see your reaction.

× Will always analyze what you like and what you don't. And it will always use this information for its intended purpose.

×And, uh... Fuck him in the gang office... With the door open... He'll moan like a bitch, please.

[iamafictionfreak]

Kinnporsche - theories/predications/nattering's and potential spoilers, you have been warned:

One moment (as I scrounge around google images for a screen capture of...)

THIS GUY!

Big.

Now… one other thing that I’m enjoying (immensely) about KinnPorsche is the total absence of the light/dark motif (good/evil and so on and so forth) seemingly inherent in all forms of fiction in the present day.

I see no hero or villain - just multitudes of grey and white and black all mingled in.

Kinn and Porsche are the protagonists, and I suppose in a very loose sense of the word, you could fit them into the ‘good guy, bad guy’ paradigm, but it would be poor – plus old – storytelling.

Besides, why limit them from the get-go, right? Pre-existing themes decide the fate of the characters – we already know what’s to come because of it. That, and it allows for all kinds of savagery and brutality to be done in the name of good and to have sympathy and compassion bestowed upon evil. We allow evil to win and we love to villainize good.

And, it’s a very external conflict – good and evil, bad guy, good guy, light-dark; there’s a deciding outer struggle which tends to be the main focus of a show/movie/book. Bad guy surfaces to oppose everything the protagonist hero believes in and fights for yada yada yada.

But KinnPorsche features very internal conflicts of the heart and soul. What makes it so much more original (despite being based on a BL novel) is that this shades of grey drama, comedy, thriller, romance and hopefully soon to be filled with beautifully filmed sex-capades, is also a show focusing on how two men - who appear very different but are actually a less commonly used kind of similar - can fall in love in a very rare way. It’s less good and bad than it is morally questionable acceptance of a prolific, potentially cutthroat, violent, and debasing environment versus the reality of various internal awakenings of the intensely sexual variety leading to a hopefully wholesome understanding.

It isn't even subverting expectations at this point - a show like this is a wild ride BECAUSE it's rare.

So, when I say that Big is possibly not to be trusted, I don't mean that he's a bad guy. Just that he's another different kind of grey zone.

This honestly isn't based on much :

In episode 1, Big gets shot - this paves the way for Porsche to fill in for him whilst he heals, now... it was a veritable kill zone there (that Big led them into, AHEM). A tight space, no corners, no places to duck and dive, boxed in and their opponents are on motorcycles with semi-automatics. This is pull the trigger, spray and prey that you get as much 'human meat bag' as you can. It could have been a fluke, it really could have, but in all likelihood he should have been riddled with bullets and he wasn't.

He was also the sole bodyguard to survive???

The other thing is that whilst we have Ken being this wise-ass, very in need of a father figure (which is probably why he loves Kinn and this family so much) sarcastic self as he pulls Porsche to pieces, Big is far too defensive about it. Again, this could just be a deep loyalty that he feels Porsche is walking all over with his defiance and disrespect. But he seems genuinely angry. At nothing much really.

(I mean, yes, he's been shot, but it almost felt like Kin hiring Porsche was a personal slap across the face-)

So either I'm making too much of this, OR... Big is two-timing. Or spying. Or he has two bosses. Or something, I don't know.

Doesn't make him a bad guy - also doesn't necessarily make him someone who dislikes Kinn, since he works for him. There's a lot of history we know zilch about - but if I'm right, Big might be betraying him so there's at least one subplot that'll cause problems.

I LOVE PROBLEMS.

And with there being a second family, could a man have two masters - one within each family?

WAFFLE FINISHED... I bet I'm talking absolute crap with this.

[philosophicalparadox]

📗📗 I am greedy, I desire two please. (for a fanfiction you haven't written but daydream about) thank you

Oh boy. Maybe I was the wrong person to ask for two from, cause this got Long!

I am mildly obsessed with Berserk right now, so mostly my brain has been viciously whipping up WIPs for that, but interestingly two of them are crossover fics. (Well actually 3)

However I also have at least one Blue Exorcist fic I have not written, but keep mulling over. This one's brief as its still in its concept stage: An anthology series I keep imagining but not writing in which I explore mainly Samael's past; I have from his conception, sometime way back in early Mesopotamia, up until things turned sour with Lucifer circa the fall of the Western Roman Empire sketched out. My favorite part so far is writing his relationship with Azazel, who I think of as very knowledgeable but punky, spunky, and a lil bit mean (ahem, courtesy Shiro, Myth of Aries, Myth of Odin, Myth of Zephyrus, and a few other wind and storm gods, plus actual mythological Azazel being a weirdly nice but also kinda douchey and temperamental demon)

The one that is most planned out however is a Blue Exorcist X Berserk crossover in which The Berserk Crew gets caught in a dimension-splitting slash by Skeketon Knight and wind up just over 700 years in the future, in a radically different timeline (The world of BE) Mephisto is no stranger to accidental time-space travellers, and usually keeps an eye on them, but stays away. Most of them die anyway, from the shock to their systems, or go completely mad, especially ones travelled so far. But, they wash up in Tokyo Bay, and he just happened to be nearby, so why not? After all, time travellers who survive the jump Always instigate change, at times radically, sometimes good, sometimes bad; in which case he's in prime position (the only position really) to either "help" or "abate" those changes (translation: they live or they die). He's the only one that can speak to them, anyhow - not a human left speaks Middle High German on a regular basis but him. Plus, Griffith has a very interesting little "toy" called a Behelit, which is of his own kin - how could the devil resist?

Highlights thus far include (long read):

Mephisto forcing the group to live in his Library, because it's the safest place he can think of where they will also be able to remotely educate themselves (Well. Griffith and Casca to a point.)

Rin meeting Guts after sneaking in and thinking he is THE coolest dude ever, and Guts being painfully awkward and shy about it cause he's no one's hero and isn't sure he wants to be; he wishes he could explain that that giant sword has cut horses in half without scaring the kid but he does not know how. Griffith is no help, he's just glad not to be fawned over for once, even if Mephisto has a creepy degree of interest in him.

Yukio finding out about these time travelling medieval knights and absolutely freaking out because Rin is oblivious to how fucking dangerous these people are or what the word "mercenary" means. He works with Mephisto to try and keep things hush hush. Rin is convinced otherwise.

This leads to a sorta well fleshed out situation in which the BE crew get to glimpse these knights in action...while fighting Amaimon, of all people. (Guts has faced apostles near that level of "oh fuck no" so I have faith he would be undeterred). The demon King nearly kills Griffith, who, in desperation and having done plenty of "reading" on summoning circles, (and conveniently has been slipped a paper) summons a Kirin by pleading for some kind of horse; he and Guts both are Cavalry, and without the heft and speed advantage, nothing is gonna get through Amaimon's scaly, armored tail. Kirin are stubborn, though, and very hard to tame - but once they bond with a person, they stay with them for life. Griffith pleads, and his love for Guts and sheer dominating willpower works, and the Kirin Yields, much to the utter shock of even Mephisto, who quite expected a different creature to appear (Behelit being kin of Time and Griffith possessing qualities that make him A Primo target for Kin of Light). Guts and Griffith, using the super speed of the Kirin and the weight of Guts' oversized claymore, gravely wound a fleeing Amaimon, much to the surprise of everyone watching, especially Rin, who is just starting to piece together that these are Dangerous People; but Rin also thinks that that is the most awesome display of (human) power ever. Even more awesome though is the healing scene, which I won't spoil much; it's very tender and sweet and defies what even Mephisto assumes is possible, so there's that.

Following this is a plot point I've drawn up, but have not worked out much, in which this encounter attracts attention and Mephisto is forced to reveal them to the Vatican. Griffith, Guts, and Casca are the only ones to attend - and it is here that they find out they can never go back home. They're too far away; to get back to where they were would take generations of time jumping, which is not something the King of Time is inclined to do. But, he can take them back to the same time, more or less. Just not the same place. But for a price, of course; what this price is, Idk yet.

What I do know is that Guts is very susceptible to possession, even as he is in the Golden Age. (Severe trauma will do that to a guy) And this is very well known to Mephisto, who has been riling him up all the while they've been in audience with the vatican - until something gives, and for a moment, in plain view of all, Guts is possessed by a kin of Spirit. (Upon closer inspection, Beast of Darkness is more Kin of Azazel than Kin of Armumahael) The Grigori were initially impressed, after all, that medeival humans with no formal training in exorcism had managed to so wound a demon King, and were quite willing to take them on as esquires/exwires. But Guts's instability is a liability, and would need to be ironed out first. The ramifications of this on Guts relationships with Griffith and Casca are...tragic. He could go demon at any time; and he has no way to stop it. Angst punctuated by tender, heart-throbbing fluff ensues.

In light of this, I think I'd like for Guts to have a budding friendship with Rin. They have quite a bit in common, and the fear of going berserk at any time is but one more thing to share in common.

Eventually, they will temporarily be assigned as "commissioned exorcists" which are essentially mercs. Rin will slowly come to realize that maybe Guts is not his friend in the way he envisioned - certainly the man has no love for demons, and is utterly ruthless in killing them. He kills the way only a man who has spent his whole life killing can - and it both scares, nay, terrifies, and excites Rin, because on one hand, for the first time he sees a human being that might be able to kill him before he can even react, with such deftness and efficiency he probably wouldn't even know he was dead. This is very scary for him. On the other hand though, that might not be a bad thing - he would rather be executed by someone he admires if it came to that. Plus he definitely wants to study these guys; Guts is terrifying, and frankly so is Griffith, who is just as deft and ruthless, but who also runs this show, and can bark out commands that are followed to the letter with absolutely zero recourse and definitely knows wtf he is doing. Judeau is a fucking phantom, coming out of nowhere, skirmishing, then vanishing again. Casca follows the same pattern, avoiding direct prolonged contact, but she can certainly hold her own with an arming sword. Pippin is a great vanguard, and a living mountain. Put a warpick in his hand and he is indomitable. Rin - along with the other exorcists assigned to the location, are utterly engrossed in the way these people fight, doing precisely what every exorcist should never do, fighting up close and personal, and being damned good at it. But more impressive to them still is how cohesive they are - something even Berserk mentions makes the Band of the Hawk so unique and effective. It inspires change in the way things are thought of, and Mephisto quietly muses over the fact he's been hurled into a different timeline, again, but isn't sure how this one is going to pan out. Time travellers always, always change things, either radically or minutely, for good or for ill, and he both hates and loves it when they happen.

Hope that satisfies!

[mxvladdy]

heyy i just read your fic Case of the Munchies on ao3 and im Loving it!!!! its amazing!! i was wonder if youre accepting requests and if you haven’t done it could you write the same for the rest: mammon, levi, satan, belphi, dia, barbatos and smth for simeon and luke (ofc platonic) like how angles have a true form and that means they can never relax around mc and how solomon has so much power at his fingertips he can just snap and end them or smth like that? pretty please and thank you!!!!

A/N: Of Course! Of Course! I already did Mammon and Levi HERE so I’ll do the other four in this request! You sent me a lot of good ideas and I’ll sprinkle them out into other requests soon!

Hope you like it!!

Case of the Munchies prt 3!

Word Count: 4.2k

Characters: Satan, Belphie, Diavolo, Barbatos

TW: Mentions of eating and cook humans, very mild gore

Satan

As the only full-blooded demon of the seven, he has thought about it...just hypothetically of course. When you were new to the Devildom he did find your scent more appetizing than the others. It’s a good thing he has the most restraint and control of all his kin, especially when it comes to his more base urges.

He doesn’t hide this knowledge from you. It’s readily available in the library and his own room in the history books. He just won’t bring it up. So if you don’t say anything, he won’t either. What would he say anyway? “Yes, I’ve thought about it, up until it was outlawed it was a staple of our diet after all…” Ye, probably not the best thing to say.

When you finally brought it up he was exasperated. Did you have to bring it up during the few hours he had alone with himself? He wasn’t going to lie but the thought of hurting your feelings would just about do him in.

He will alleviate your worries if you have any. If Satan was anything, he was genuine.

Mini Fic

His wine curdles in his stomach, turning sour along with the take-out he had nabbed for the two of you to enjoy tonight. Drinks and dinner were becoming a staple in your T.V. night tradition. If one of you had had a rough day you would drop by your favorite shop of the hour and pick up a meal to share while you vent.

Today in particular had been a shit day for him. Failed experiment after failed experiment, and one bottle that didn’t explode on impact with the potion he dropped. Sigh. At least your comforting words soothed his wounded pride a little. You chuckle at his escapades glad to see he is not hurt at least. It was nice to have someone to see the humor in something that normally would have dampened his mood.

“You’re a pest.” He laughs at you while snapping his takeout chopsticks in half to use. “I need sympathy-hours of work wasted.” You snort into your own bowl of udon.

“You need words of praise like Beel needs another stomach.” Satan gasps in mock insult pointing a sauce stained chopstick at you.

“How dare you insult your host! After I toiled over this meal of-” What did he get exactly? Honestly, when he placed the order he was near boiling with rage at his careless fumble. It was to be a surprise for you, something to give you a bit of magic while supervised by himself. He knew how frustrated you were with your lack of magical ability in class so he wanted to gift you something grand. Now he has to wait months to try again.

Ah, well...nothing ventured nothing gained as they say.

You watch him sulk over his soup dumplings, his mile away from the comfort of your company and his room. “Come on blondie.” You poke him with your foot before burying them under his pajama-clad thighs on the couch. “Eat your ‘hard earned’ meal before I do.” You snatch up his D.D.D forgetting your own food for a moment to set up your favorite streaming service to cast to his small T.V. “Want to watch a bunch of humans fail miserably at baking?”

"I thought you would never ask."

Satan feels you stiffen in his arms two hours into your bake-off marathon. Your takeout boxes are cold and forgotten on his coffee table, a bottle of wine gone between the two of you. He glances down at you curious.

You were transfixed on the screen. The novice baker on screen was struggling to keep his monstrosity of a cake upright. It was the annual Halloween episode and this fool went for a Silence of the Lambs inspired cake. A good concept really, but very poorly executed. The fake body parts and sugar blood weighted the pastry down dangerously. If he were, to be frank, the cake was also tacky as hell. Heh, he'd have to try to make this for Lucifer.

"Does his abuse of the piping gun offend you that much?" He jokes wrapping an arm around you.

Your laugh is breathy and lacks its usual warmth. "It is excessive isn't it?" You look up at him. "Hey, Satan-have you ever eaten people before?"

"Uhh…" Great, how eloquent. This came out of nowhere, did Lucifer set you up to this? No-no you wouldn’t. Would you hate him if you knew? “I have.” He admits through clenched teeth waiting for your reaction.

“Didn’t Diavolo ban it?” He can tell you are doing the mental math in your head.

He chuckles dryly. “Well, you never asked if I did it legally.” You move away from his touch and pause the show. “I mean...I did it legally! ” His mouth runs freely, his brain screaming at him to shut up.

“Satan.” You cross your arms unimpressed.

“It was a new law and I never meant to eat it for the most part. It was at a time where I was still struggling to control myself.” Young and stupid as Lucifer had said defending him every step of the way when he would slip up. Was it sold on the black market now? Yes. Did he know how to get it? Sure, but he would never nor would he tell you about it either.

You nod thinking about his words. “I can empathize.” Oh, thank the Devil. “Have you thought of eating me?”Ahhh. “Oh my God, you have.” You chuck a pillow at him with a laugh.

He catches the pillow and clutches it to his fiery hot face. “Everyone did at first!” If he was going down then he was going to take every one of his brothers down with him. “I wasn’t going to act on it! It was a spur of the moment-why are you laughing!”

“Sorry, sorry.” You wipe at the tears in your eyes wishing you had your phone to take a picture of his blushing face. “I kind of figured you did.”

Satan looks at you incredulously. “Shouldn’t you be a bit more torn up over this?”

You shrug. “After everything we’ve been through? I admit it was a shock to think at first but I mean, you would have done it by now right?”

“Well, thank you?” He flops back on the couch, still clutching the pillow to act as a barrier between you two. He’ll take it as a compliment.

You scoot close, nudging his knee with yours. “You ok?” He nods. “Can I touch you?” He nods again eagerly. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and squeeze. “Sorry, I made you uncomfortable.”

Satan chuckled, dropping the pillow to hug you back. “It’s ok.” He peaks your forehead. “Now, with that out of the way. Shall we finish this?” He swipes up his phone to hit play. You nod, flinging your legs over him to snuggle closer. “Good, I’m dying to know how he tries to save that thing. I’m putting money on icing.”

“You know.” You break the silence once more, unable to stop yourself. “I wouldn’t be opposed to being eaten...in some ways.”

Belphegor

After your first *ahem* encounter, he doesn’t bring up the whole food thing. He is afraid that if you learned about it, it would be the last strike for you and his relationship. Perhaps it’s paranoia on his part but better safe than sorry.

In all honesty, he didn’t eat it that much anyway. Killing humans was something he did often in his youth as a demon. A stupid attempt at revenge on his part. It filled the holes in his hearts to hurt those he believed killed his sister.

But to eat their flesh? Disgusting. He tried it a few times and it turned his stomach with every mouthful. He just hated them too much to even stomach them. He’s mellowed out with time but still never got a taste for it.

When you asked it was a shock but welcomed in a way. Like he could finally get this weight off his shoulders every time he looked at you.

Mini Fic

“It’s gross.” Belphie yawns, jumping up to sit on the high garden wall. He bends down to help you up placing you gently next to himself. The wind catches you by surprise threatening to topple you back from the wall before he rights you. He tosses his sweater over you with a nod of satisfaction.

You snuggle into the fleece lining burying your nose into the fabric. It smelled of elderberries and honeysuckles. Belphie watches you curl up into his side with a fond smile. “Seriously, you all are nasty.”

“Ouch!” You push his shoulder with a grin. “I feel like I should be offended on behalf of all humans.”

Belphie snorts, looking up into the bright colors of the night sky. “Good. Be offended. You, humans, are slimy.” You squawk indignantly. “It’s true, never in all my years would I willingly ingest it.” He shudders theatrically.

“Rude.”

“Shouldn’t you be happy? Lest I eat you?” He growls playfully, taking a swipe at you. He pulls you close to kiss the pout off your face. He stops only when your face is hot and your smile threatens to pull a muscle. “I’ll keep you safe, always.” He vows resting his chin on your head.

“Do you think other demons would try to eat me?”

“Have you met my twin?” He teases. He takes your jab to his ribs with a smile. “But if one of those lesser demons even tries to breathe in your direction I’ll kill them.”

“Ok, Mister sleeps till dinner.” You joke. His vow warms your heart a little, chasing away the small bit of fear that had rested itself in your chest. You saw how some demons looked at you at R.A.D, the longing and hungry looks got to be a bit much sometimes. A few older demons would discuss it loudly when they knew you were close by. Apparently, it was a long standing tradition of demons eating humans both body and soul when a pact was concluded.

Imagine what those brothers would do to them…

You shake your head hugging Belphie closer. You had nothing but his word that he would keep you safe, yet that was enough for you. Besides, he wasn’t one to follow the rules even at the best of times.

“I’m serious. You're off limits for everyone.”

You nod into his shirt, closing your eyes to enjoy the peace of the moment. “I’ll hold you to it.”

Diavolo

It is so far from his mind that when you say something it is like a rug was taken out from under him. He could be diplomatic about it, but you deserve better than a half-truth.

He was a wild child in his youth. Sometimes he would overindulge in his father’s heritage and gorge himself on his newfound powers and privilege. He would dine with the elders and eat with abandon under their proud eyes.

He regrets it now, in your company it brings up a slurry of emotions. Sometimes when he looks at you he sees flashes of his past behavior.

The urge is stronger in him than the brothers, a constant nagging tug in his guts, but he is strong. Stronger both in willpower and sheer physical prowess than them so the pull is more of an annoyance than a burning need. He can temper the hunger in other ways if need be *wink*

He fears what you might think of him if you ever found out the truth, but however you take it he will handle it in stride. He loves you too much not to.

Mini Fic

Dinners, when Diavolo could eat alone, were a rare and special treat. The solace of just being allowed to exist without constantly checking his posture or presentation was a blessing, just him, his thoughts, and a good meal. It was nice to have no paperwork to worry about staining this time or a tedious meeting where he couldn’t savor his meal. No, no this was good. He looks down at his heavily laden plate and smiles. Well, almost… Pulling out his phone he snaps a quick picture and sends it to you with a simple question. Join me?

Private meals were wonderful, but with you, they were perfect.

You arrive faster than he expected, flushed face and clutching a stitch in your side from rushing over. He almost felt bad before he saw the eager look in your eyes. Barbatos helps you with your school bags and coat before placing another plate of food across from the young lord. He winks at the prince before disappearing back through the door.

“Thank you for the invite!” You beam taking your seat across from him. “I hope you don’t mind that I'm not dressed for the occasion. I was just wrapping up a study session with the boys.” You look down at your rumpled lounge clothes.

Diavolo waved his hand disregarding your concerns. “I would emulate you if I had the time.” He looks at his own pressed school uniform. He had another meeting this evening, much to his distaste. “You look rather comfortable.” You smile in delight before tucking into your own plate.

You eat in a comfortable silence reading the room well enough to tell that he wished for some company but not needless chitter-chatter. Barbatos arrived moments after you put your fork down and left with the plate leaving behind a delicious smelling hot drink. You couldn’t put your finger on the flavor but it tastes spicy like cinnamon and coats your throat like warm honey.

Whatever was in the drink seemed to work some magic on the prince. His shoulder droop, his back sinking into the chair as his legs stretch out till they are close to brushing against yours. He starts talking over the drink, eyes slowly lighting up with delight. You drink, nodding along with him as he builds up steam. It was nice to see him so unguarded and light. You listen to him talk about simple innocent topics. You knew how he tried to have these conversations with the others to no avail. The brother’s always tried to stay clear of him, and Lucifer simply dismissed these things most days. Barbatos and the angels were a bit better but still listened mostly to placate him.

“Ah!” Diavolo stops mid-sentence as his door opens once more Barbatos holding a small platter in his gloved hand. Dia claps his hands in delight. “I’ve been wanting to have you try this with me for forever. The human palate is so different, but I hope this is tasty.”

“What is it?” You eye the covered plate curiously.

Dia says a word in infernal. It is harsh and guttural in his throat but his delight was evident in his tone. “It is like...a roasted nut? Sorry, it is difficult to explain but it has been a favorite treat of mine since I was a boy. I hope you like it too.” He opens the lid with little ceremony and tilts the bowl to you. Inside were several golfball sized pods piled on top of each other. Even from across the table you could feel the molten heat radiating from the porous black shell. It looked...ugly. Like a hunk of dried lava. You eye it suspiciously as Diavolo picks one up with his bare hands and bits it. The shell cracks under his sharp teeth, a fang catching in a weak spot with a noise that makes you shiver. Underneath the thick casing, you could see a dark red and fleshy core. He hums in delight pulling put the meat of the seed and discard the shell pieces onto an empty plate. He makes quick work of the innards already reaching for another by the time you casually pick up a seed.

The seed itself was dense and warm to the touch. You squeeze it, noting that the porous coating felt like a mass of steel in your hand. “Dia-how do I open it?” No way you could bite it, not without breaking your jaw in the process.

“Allow me.” He takes it from you and effortlessly cracks it. “It is a tradition to break them with teeth, instead of hands or utensils. Something about a show of strength. I just find it fun.” He shrugs, handing you the broken seed.

“Fun!” You marvel at his pearly fangs. “Those are some big chompers.”

“All the better to eat you with my dear.” He chuckles.

You blink in shock, eyes widening. “Would you? Eat me?”

Diavolo’s smile drops. “No.” He lies on reflex, his political nature kicking in. “No-no wait.” He shakes his head. “I...at a time would have without hesitation.” He feels you recoil. “It was common practice back in the day. To the common demon it was a great meal and for the ruling class a show. He looks down at the broken fragments of shell on his plate. Breaking the shell was far too reminiscent of other things. He squashes the unwanted wave of memories coming up. Instead, he looks up at you.

You sit quietly mulling over his words. You haven’t run yet. “Why did you stop?”

He leans back with a loud exhale. Why did he stop? There were many reasons, none he wished to divulge into at the moment, but he had to say something. “I grew up, and began to resent and regret it.” He used to read human stories of demons and his kind. They hurt their characterizations of him and his people. Yet, they had all been scarily accurate. He wanted to prove that they weren’t stagnating beasts, slaves to their desires. Even if it wasn't a popular opinion.

“I see.” You pick up the seed again. “Thank you for telling me. You didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to, and to apologize… such admissions must have ruined your appetite. If you wish to retire-”

“Is it weird if it didn’t?” You cut him off. You felt-not apathetic to the knowledge but close to it. It confirmed a lot of things for you and put certain things in perspective. You still felt safe with him even with this new bit of knowledge. Without a second thought, you pop the treat into your mouth. You gasp in delight. The flavor and texture were not what you were expecting, but was delicious all the same. “Can you open another for me?” You push your plate over to him.

“Of course!”

The food was as wonderful as his company.

Barbatos

You knew he cooked it. He probably knows a million different ways to prepare a human. He is also very blunt about his dabblings in the market.

He doesn’t eat it, hasn’t ever. He sees no reason to, especially since he doesn’t need to eat anyway there is no temptation. He did find the meals he created beautiful though.

Once he lived for the praises of the courts and his young lord. He was a master at all mediums he cared to work with. Time, decorum, or of the flesh.

He is 100% unashamed of his past with the dark side of the Devildom’s history. In fact, he is damn near proud of it. He is a demon and it was a part of his life, if that frightens you, well there is nothing he can do about it.

He’ll entertain your questions and will try to put any lingering worries at ease. Just don’t expect to be coddled when he does.

Mini Fic

Barbatos had very few personal pleasures in his life. His schedule simply didn’t have the space for such things. So why even bother looking for a pastime. It wasn’t until Diavolo gifted him with an old worn cookbook did he find it.

Cooking was a necessity for his prince, but with that little book, it became something he looked forward to doing. Slowly, he began to seek them out, filling his growing quarters with cookbooks and loose-leaf slips of paper. He enjoys reading them. Each book was a little time capsule into the cook's life and memories. Could a mix of spices really remind someone of the arid heat of their motherland? Or does following a certain way of aging meat really honor the writer's late grandfather’s memory? He tries them all, each recipe a little invasion to a happier time.

He wrote his fair share of cookbooks too in his day. Simple modifications to things the young lord liked to the odd machinations of his own imagination. He got good at experimenting with flavors and textures over the years, mastering certain cooking techniques and flavors just for fun. He didn’t share many of them, a lot of his recipes were just too complicated for most. Luke was allowed to look at his pastry books only. The little cherub was enamored with his techniques and wanted to learn as much as he could in the short amount of time he was in the Devildom. Admirable, but he made sure to keep some of his...less savory books away from the boy. He shudders to think what Simeon would do if he scarred the young angel.

You are the only one who has full access to his collections. Whether you liked to cook was inconsequential to him. He simply enjoyed sharing this interest with you. Some nights you would take it upon yourself to be his “sous-chef”. Which meant you sat in the corner of the kitchen and read out the ingredients and steps for a recipe he knew by heart. Sometimes you would add in extra steps in an attempt to stump it. Cute...but ultimately failed each time. So, most nights when you tagged along to the kitchens you just flip through his collection, reading his immaculate scribblings crammed into the corners of the pages or where he scratched out certain ingredients for more demon-appropriate foods and more sustainable options.

You had gone through many beautiful books before you found it. The cookbook was small and inconspicuous compared to most. Just a simple black cover with a well-worn spine. What made you take notice of it was just how dusty it was. That wasn’t like him to do. Barbatos would never let something get so dirty. You wished you never had opened it. You weren’t stupid by any means, but after reading a few pretty graphic recipes it had unsettled you. So you withdrew from Barbatos trying to forget about the book tucked away deep in the bowels of your school bag.

“You’ve been distant.” You choke, hand flying up to your chest as you swear your heart skipped a beat. Damn demon. Should put a bell on him. “What’s wrong?” His eyes are piercing, cutting away at your feeble defenses.

“Nothing…” You fiddle with your bag’s strap. Your eyes drop to the floor taking in the differences between his polished shoes and your scuffed boots.

“Of course not…” You could hear the skepticism in his voice. “I trust that if there was something wrong you would feel safe enough to confide in me.” His words hit like a ton of bricks on your shoulders. He sighs seeing that his words got no reaction. “Please?”

Wordlessly you rummage in your bag and thrust the book into his chest. “Sorry. It shook me up more than I thought it would.”

Ah. He knew this book all too well. For a time it had been his favorite, one to pull out with Diavolo had guests or a deal that needed to be sealed. He accepts the book, noting how much your hands shook. “I understand.” He slips the book into his breast pocket making a mental note to hide it in one of his lesser used rooms. “Would you like to discuss this? In my room perhaps?” You follow with a timid nod.

“Where shall we begin?” Barbatos asks the moment he closes the door to his room.

“You don’t seem perturbed.” You frown. Barbatos shrugs, pulling the book out and opening it. He had a lot of good memories stored here. Some of these were still considered signature dishes, oftentimes a visiting dignitary would lament to him about the good old days when he could show off his craft when flesh was plentiful. He takes pride in that still to this day even. For as much as he loved you, he would not be ashamed of this.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” You shake your head when he says as much. “It just confused me. Do-do you see me as food?”

“I never saw humans as food, no more than I see demons or angels as it.” He picks at an imaginary bit of lent from his pant leg. “As for seeing you as food no. No matter how sweet your lips are, or how honeyed your words can be.” He smiles, taking impish delight in your squirming. “I merely did my job as a butler for my lord.”

“Oh- sorry for not coming to you sooner.” You felt foolish now. Barbatos waves it off, pleased to have this issue put aside so quickly and cleanly. “Wait-" You gasp as his words finally sink in. “Have you prepared angels before?”

He flashes you a mischievous smile putting a single finger up to his lips. “Perhaps~ do you wish to read that too?”

[reddaui]

Ahem here's who I think each OC would date in Obey Me: Shall We Date cause I'm tired (extras at the end for who I think each OC would.... Kin? Idk)

Who they dating

Trevor: Lord Diavolo himself, hed be like "can I fuck the literal demon Kings son" then immediately fall in love with how dumb and loveable Diavolo is.

Sam: this one is kinda hard to pick but either Mammon or Levi, Mammon because he is such a fuckin tsundere that Sam finds it extremely adorable and she thinks she can easily top that wimpy little bitch. Or Levi, because you can't tell me Levi doesn't give off bottom energy and you know Sam loves to be able to tease tf out of someone like him.

Celia: because she's a lesbian, if you could date Thirteen they'd obviously pick her, since she's the only woman in the game so far, but if she had to pick someone you can actually romance, they'd pick Satan. Satan being the avatar of wrath the both of them can cause so much chaos, and she's into chaos.

Cold: Beelzebub or Simeon. He loves how much Beel really cares about MC and his brothers, and he also loves how much the dude loves food, Colden relates to that. I feel like he'd have like a love at first sight situation with Simeon, there's no real reason why he loves Simeon so much he just really enjoys the character. He would also adopt tf out of Luke.

Audrey: same situation with Celia, but if she had to pick she'd choose Asmodeus. Avatar of Lust? How can she not romance him?

Who they relate to

Trevor: Lucifer. Grumpy old man who loves his family and can kill someone in an instant. Also sadistic.

Sam: Simeon. Of course she'd be an angel, she's only got angelic qualities.

Celia: Thirteen. I haven't met Thirteen in game yet but from what I hear she's very chaotic and just wants to have a good time 24/7.

Colden: Beelzebub. Again, Beel really loves his family, and feels guilty for many things that he can't control. Man's also works out a lot and is obsessed with food (he's the sin of gluttony it isn't surprising).

Audrey: what a surprise, its Asmodeus. I don't need to explain. Audrey is all about looking good and is full of lust constantly.

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[violexides]

The DreamSMP Explained (By Someone Who Has Never Watched Any DreamSMP Stream)

cracks knuckles. okay, fucking FINALLY doing this. ahem. 

Couple things to preface with, will keep this brief. 

This isn’t entirely blind. One of my best friends has helped out in places, just because I wanted to hit on everything (accurate or not), and I know mutuals/friends who post and write about DreamSMP (though how much of that is AU or canon-typical, I can’t say. I can’t tell). I’ve never seen a single stream, but I’ve seen a few clips. So, my understanding is a bit more than the title may imply, but still not a lot. Sorry.

Also, this will be very, very long (near 2k words). All under the cut, will TW this with themes of abuse, death, manipulation, unreality, hallucinations, and me having an abrasive sense of humor where I revel in the glee of calling these guys European twinks. Though, speaking of. This is ALL about the actual characters, not the people. I don’t know anything about most of these actual streamers, so, no hate to them. In fact, I think they’re pretty cool for having come up with a… somewhat coherent… narrative, all through using Minecraft as a medium. Anyway.

Sigh. Without further ado, 

So. There’s this place. Made by Philza, AKA God, AKA one of like six different gods. Philza, born from the womb acting like someone’s 43 year old uncle, has three kids. Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo. There are other people here, with some scattered ancestry that raises some questions, but I don’t really care who fucked an Enderman and had an 8’0 tall kid (Ranboo DNI).

There are also places! Sometimes! On a good day, there are actual, intact locations. We’ve got hits like “The Badlands”, which I think was taken from about three different dystopian novels I read in third grade, “El Rapids” (Quackity, Subpoena (autocorrect wins this round), and Karl made this one), “Pogtopia”, no comment on this one, and “L’Manberg”, which Wilbur made. 

Only one of these is going to be important.

So, might be a good time to say this: I don’t know what the inciting incident of DreamSMP is? I don’t know what was the catalyst for all this shit, but I’m going to take a guess and say Wilbur blowing up L’Manberg had something to do with it.

… That’s going to be a pattern, by the way. Just. Stick with me here. 

So, Wilbur is an older child who read the Hamlet parts in literature class and can only cope by ripping down the very creations he has and taking the entire world down with him to hell. Which is to say, he throws a pity party after Jschlatt (some bitch who abused Quackity, that’s another trend, yippee) wins an election and decides to blow up the fucking kingdom and kill Jschlatt.

Little does Wilbur know, the devil may work fast, but Jschlatt getting a fucking stroke and dying out of nowhere works faster. 

I’m not kidding. He gets a stroke, he dies, and Tubbo takes over. I’ve tried to puzzle out the government structure of DreamSMP for a while and have drawn zero conclusions. In any case, Wilbur also tells Philza, his… father…, to kill him. And Philza fucking does? For some reason, like, holy shit.

Anyway. Wilbur is now a ghost. So is Jschlatt. The… life system, on this server, is really strange and I don’t know how to fully explain it. Just know that nothing has permanence here. 

I’m going to throw this out here because I don’t know when it’s relevant, but I wrote down something about Karl being in a place called the In Between. I don’t know how the hell he got there or what the hell he’s doing. This might be where the discs are? I can’t explain the discs. I… think they are fighting over the discs? Don’t know why, Wilbur makes music himself, I feel like you have enough to go around.

(Stream Saline Solution it reminds me of my best friend only if you want okay thx)

L’Manberg gets blown up again. This time, Techno did it. He did it just after giving this speech about Theseus, which, jokes aside-- the writing of DreamSMP is actually really good. That was all done on improv, and I did watch an animatic with some of the audio from it, and damn. I’m a whore for metaphor and I love this for him.

This happens, and Ranboo and Tommy decide to do a little hehe and burn down George’s house. Who is George? Good question: a king. Of what? Good question: call me the antithesis of a Ranboo kinnie and get me some discs because I hear no answers.

Dream gets pissed off by this (who gave him authority, I don’t know) and builds a wall. He for some reason decides that if Tommy, and only Tommy, breaks some rules, the wall will stay up forever. So, naturally, Tommy immediately yells at him, and Tubbo gets pissed (what happened to the whole, who are you without me, yourself, thing?). Dream exiles him, which is bad enough, but then Dream burns down his house, so now he’s double exiled.

Dream kins Julius Caesar but Julius Caesar does not kin Dream and I think that’s important. 

(It had to be important enough for me to literally go back and edit this in, for no reason, because I think I’m really fucking hilarious.) 

Techno takes in Tommy and shows him his super secret cave of evil, which Tommy promptly screams at. Philza and Ranboo visit sometimes, but mostly Tommy just sits there. Dream says “fuck you” to Techno, but Techno decides to wage war on L’Manberg, so Quackity and co. come over to try and kill Techno, but Techno kills Quackity with a pickaxe, but Quackity has three lives for some reason, and then Dream blames Ranboo for blowing something up for literally zero reason, and can you tell how tired I am.

Ranboo sees a smiley face in his notebook and zones the fuck out while Dream tries to kill… Tommy? No, Tubbo. No, fuck, no it was Tommy. I don’t know why people suddenly care about it n- NO, NO IT WAS TUBBO, he is TRYING to kill TUBBO. 

I hate Europeans. 

Ahem. Dream goes to jail, but he has books in jail, which is a horrible idea. Everyone knows that if you give a war criminal some novels he’ll accidentally haunt someone else’s dreams and launch psychological warfare with the prison guard, Sam, who has zero idea what he’s doing because he probably didn’t sign up for this.

Also, I’m gonna say this here because I don’t know when it will fit in. There’s this place. Called… the Egg. Now, I don’t know what goes on in the Egg. I don’t know what the Egg is. I don’t know who decided to name all these fucking things, because I think the Egg is just a box made of bedrock. I think Ranboo hallucinates about it, but Ranboo hallucinates about everything so I’m not really sure. I’m going to call it here and say that this is probably a bad sign.

People are trying to talk to Dream. First BadBoyHalo, who gives Ranboo this little note from Dream with a smiley face. Or maybe that was SapNap. Either way, Ranboo hallucinates seeing Dream, and then actually sees Dream but he thinks he’s hallucinating? I don’t know. 

Then we get Tommy. Basically he kind of comes in here and Sam, being a good prison guard, allows Dream to beat Tommy to death and then revive him (don’t ask about the revivals just pretend it makes sense please). He tells Tommy he’s also going to revive Wilbur which Tommy isn’t a big fan of, considering that Wilbur, uh. Vague hand gestures. You get the schtick. Hopefully. I don’t know.

Anyway. Uh. Quackity loses his shit, also.

As in he talks to Jschlatt, the ghost of his abusive husband. Makes a deal-- if Quackity here loses, he revives Jschlatt. I don’t know what the winning conditions are, but, thankfully, they don’t matter because Quackity loses damn near instantly. 

So he goes to Dream and Sam gives him really powerful gear for no reason. Dream is a bit terrified by this situation, and Quackity is like “give me the fucking book”, and then we never find out what happens because Quackity ends up covered in blood about to blow up El Rapids. I hadn’t expected to mark Quackity off on the demolitionist bingo, but hey, all’s fair I guess. My next bets are on Tubbo or whichever bitch became god of the sea. 

(I also made a joke to my friend about me kinning Quackity (the character not the streamer could you fucking imagine), to which they said “you’d torture someone for information”? So. I guess Dream, uh. Hm. That explains why Quackity was bloodied. Uh. Oops. Don’t know why he’s playing Poker, though.)

So, for my sanity, as we come to a close, I’m going to start listing lore details that I don’t know nearly enough about but are probably important. Just… bullet point them. Might be a bit tacky of me but I have shit to do, dammit. By that I mean, I don’t have shit to do, but I’ve had this doc open for literally 1-2 weeks and I just want to be freed.

List Of Other Shit That Happened:

Ranboo started an arg, so there’s a character named Z now. Can’t believe the kid I knew in middle school who didn’t know where the Middle East  was made it into the dreamSMP omg! 

Tubbo did something immoral, and we still don’t know who his dad is. By we, I mean me. 

Eret exists. That’s all I’ve got for this one. They’re important. Probably.

Karl hallucinated six versions of himself and left the In Between to go to hell. (Lil Nas X girlboss gaslight gatekeep in this motherfucker!!!)

Ranboo and Tubbo got married because taxes exist </3

More on this last point: they opened a hotel, despite Tubbo being a king, and Tommy got mad at them for getting engaged without his permission. But Tommy was literally dead when they had the wedding so I’m not exactly sure what he was expecting. Either way, he’s fine with it now.

Kids getting adopted oh shit oh fuck. Also, mpreg is canotical. Make this what you will. 

DreamXD is a god now. I don’t know who DreamXD is. I don’t think anybody else does either.

I’m like 60% sure George is dead. 

I’m like 60% sure Philza is immortal.

Going through my ‘notes’ to make sure I didn’t miss anything and I’m just getting more confused, so I think I’m going to call it here. Props to everyone in the dreamSMP for creating kickass lore, I would not summarize any of it ever again if you held me at fucking gunpoint, and thanks to my mutuals/friends for letting me ask a lot of really stupid questions as I try to puzzle this out. And also, another thanks to you all for reading this. I hope to God this was funny. 

I really, really, really fucking hope that Tumblr doesn’t cut this off for a long character count. This is longer than some of my fucking oneshots. My God. This was so fun, don’t get me wrong, but I also want a hit of a candy cigarette. Make it two, actually. Or three. All at once. 

Anyway. Drink some water, stay safe, and remember that statistically speaking, 100% of people with a name starting with “T” need to put down the Greek mythology books and learn about the ethics behind pyromania. Goodbye, Theseus.