#(actually a lot)

[nobie]

If anything happens to Phee it’s on SIGHT. I’m throwing hands.

[doyouknowthisjewishcharacter]

Do you know this Jewish character?

[azacharie95]

When your SPM brainrot comes to haunt you and then gives you the best ideas but you’re stuck in freakin’ wRITERS BLOCK- So instead, here’s my take on all of the Count’s minions before they join him + headcannons and anything that comes to mine-

This is mostly just word vomit and it’s not proofread so sorry for all the spelling errors- started this at 3 am and now finishing 12 hours later- yIpPie- maybe some day I’ll have the energy to write all of these down into a story one shot thingy-

The first I want to start with is O’Chunks because he needs some love (and by that I mean I’m about to throw against the wall of ideas because OH BOI-).

O’Chunks suffers from nightmares of the day that all of his men were killed, which also led to him having a really hard time trusting anyone other then The Count thinking they were going to betray him before get got close with Nastasia

I like to think that O’Chunks have always had semi crushes on each other but have been very blind to it since Nastasia was mostly blinded by The Count

Before his life with The Count he lived somewhere near York Town in another town before he had gone to war and got he and his men sold out and murdered (did he watch? Yes. He had to as captain.)

He was then saved before he was killed by The Count but by then the damage had already been done and he was now blind in his left eye and his head had been slightly bashed in making him kinda forgetful about a majority of his life that didn’t come to haunt him in his dreams

Before his life with Bleck, he did in fact have a family that he had to leave behind but now he can’t remember what they look like or even how to get home (or an even worse option, his entire home was raided and ransacked so there was nothing to go back to anyway and he just couldn’t remember what he was missing forever-)

As for his family? I like to think he may or may not have had a wife but he definitely had a daughter who acts a lot like Mimi making him grow very familiar with her quickly

He also really likes grapes for this-

Up next on the chopping block is Nastasia herself, and I’ll be honest I didnt have a lot at first before it hit me like a train wreck in my sleep-

I like to think she was a halfblood of The Tribe of Darkness, her father being of the Tribe and her mother being a kind of vampire/monster that many people feared (hence the similarities of skin tone with The Count)

She was raised by her mother for a long time but was chased for most of her life for not being ‘human’ or the Ancients just really wanted to get her because they didn’t like halflings because it was a waste of their magic potential and dangerous- maybe they were just speciesest- idk

She was caught in a magical trap deep in the woods and left to starve there for awhile up until Count Bleck had found her and freed her (because this was weeks after the Timpani incident so he still had a heart to help others)

Being so grateful and having nowhere else to go, she tagged along with The Count where she was given her more human like bat from so she wouldn’t run into any trouble anymore (that and at first she was sure he was going to kill her for just being alive

Now Dimentio is a really really tricky one because I have some ideas based off of different things I really liked (the idea of him being younger like Mimi is one of them but as for cannon wise I wouldn’t be so sure-)

One things for sure though is I truly believe that he was The Magician’s son and Shadoo was his older sister

His mother and father were the original leaders of The Ancients and The Magician was one of the writers of The Dark Prognostics (it was handed down to each of the original leaders of The Ancients/he or his wife originally wrote it because of vivid nightmares of the future-)

I fully believed that Dimentio’s mom would be like Master of Time or something- making Dimentio call himself the Master of Dimensions (yes I just gave him mama’s boy syndrome- no I will not be taking it back-)

He and Shadoo were close as she was his older sister that took care of them and had very promising magical abilities leading his father to take her everywhere with him to try to make those powers stronger while Dimmy just mostly tried to help where he could seeing as his powers wouldn’t kick in until later and wasn’t as strong as hers at first

While The Magician and Shadoo were away, The Tribe of Ancients was attacked/a spell had gone wrong setting the entire tribe into a state of panic because no one could escape

As a last ditch effort, Dimentio’s mom (What her name would be? I have no clue-) sacrifices herself to save what she came of the tribe and kind of freeze Dimentio in time hidden away where no one could really find him and wake him back up

Now you can play with HCs and CC here and say that Count Bleck and his minions accidentally woke him back up or someone random did because they were looking around where they shouldn’t have been (leading him to either be a child when the game rolls around or he escaped and trains before going to look for The Dark Prognostics because he had no idea what happened to him over 2,000 years)

For cannon I like to think that he escaped and went to go and train to get back his father’s book before ultimately going bonkers because everything he ever knew and loved was violently ripped away from him and he was left alone (making it a big reason why he both despises and adores The Count as having The Ancients blood in him).

So he wants to create perfect new worlds to bring back the world he was forced to leave behind and kill everyone in the process since it’s the worlds fault he was stuck like this anyway

For Fannon tho? I like to think that maybe Bleck had been the one to wake him up and witness his mental break when he realized his entire family and tribe died over 1,500 years ago leading The Count to take care of him forcefully because his bleeding heart over his wife screams “DON’T LEAVE BROKEN CHILD TO GO CRAZY-“

The ultimate reason he betrays The Count is because he doesn’t want his new family to die twice and is willing to do anything to create a new perfect world where he can bring back his original family and bring his new one along even if that means manipulating them to do what he needs to do to “save them” and become the forced king of the new world

Mimi’s is one of the more darker ones IMO and was the main reason that I came up with any of these and decided to throw it onto the internet-

Mimi was raised by her mother and father in a kind of poor situation before being sold (or kidnapped- idk what to go with here) to a wannabe tribe of darkness who wanted to recreate the magic of the ancients no matter the cost

Fully 100% convinced Mimi is a minor (no sure exactly give or take 13-18)

So they started experimenting on her to turn her into a pixel and try to recreate the powers that they used a long time ago but they really messed it up and turned her into a kind of walking corpse

She still could use the powers of a shapeshifter pixel, she just didn’t look the part because they replaced a lot of her ‘human’ parts with metal gears and wires turning her into a walking zombie pixel corpse as a child who only wanted to go home

this is also the reason she kind of has to snap her neck to change from her OG form to her preferred ‘human’ form because she isn’t copying anyone so it hurts more to change into something she wants rather then copying someone else’s while they’re right there (or maybe it is a copy and she keeps a copy of every person she’s copied and it’s just more painful to change into someone else based off of memory or from a long distance? Up to you really-)

The Count had found her because he had heard rumors of people trying to copy after his people and figured maybe it was Timpani trying to find him again but it turned out to be so much darker and killed the wannabes to save Mimi’s life

Since she had no where to go, The Count brought her along thinking that maybe Timpani would like her just as much as he did like a daughter they never could have

She is the silent favorite amongst the minions and everyone knows it minus The Count who says he doesn’t play favorites (yes he does-)

Then we have Mr. L HC simply because he is part of the team and no one will let him think otherwise-

He kind of plays an older brother role to both Mimi and Dimentio (which is why they pick on each other so often and why Mr. L and Dimentio hit heads all the time)

He also gets along well with O’Chunks and they fight/train a lot (I saw this on another person’s HC list and I loved it so I had to add it here-)

Stepping into Fannon territory- He sees Count Bleck and a mentor and boss figure since The Count treats him more like a human then his parents and friends ever did

Even after he isn’t brainwashed anymore he can remember being treated with kindness by the other members and being brought along and invited to things more then his brother and his friends ever did

He doesn’t fully forgive Dimentio for what happened but slowly warms up to the idea of coming to peace about it since no one really wanted to forgive him until they knew why he was so desperate for it

He’s slightly frightened of Nastaisa even to this day because of what happened and that someday she might just snap and jump him again (even if he knows he could take her down perfectly well, he isn’t going try because she’s much faster then him)

Then the dear Old Count himself- picking up random people and children to fill in his broken heart no matter the cost-

Timpani and Blumiere knew each other for longer then the flashbacks gave us credit for (over the span of like 6 months to a year I would think-)

She’s also the reason he had so much light in his heart and hope for other people- to this day it’s her fault that he loves the stars so much and seems to have a child like curiosity about things he doesn’t understand

His father was also highly abusive into making sure his son would follow the right path into taking up the tribe leaving The Count to have many scars on his body along with his heart since Timpani was the only person who ever listened to what he had to say about things (he couldn’t have any friends since he was the chief’s son either so it was like a breath of fresh air to him-)

When his father told him what had happened he believed that his father sent her away while she was dying and so, Blumiere left the tribe to go and look for her before he ever came back to read the Dark Prognostics

5 years passed before he ever returned and his dad tried to convince him to come back only for The Count to murder everyone that was left in his tribe/in the castle they all lived in before reading the Dark Prognostics

As Blumiere died, so did his love for everyone and everything making it so that he was living from a 3rd person POV making him mentally and emotionally detach from his minions who had grown onto him.

It isn’t that he shows he doesn’t care either because he stopped caring about everything they did, only wanting the end of all worlds to come so that he didn’t have to live in the constant said of black and white that his father put him in all those years ago

[s3d-sd]

It’s shit, but I know I’ll chicken out if I don’t post it now.

[iapetusneume]

This story will not end. The deadline is 10 pm tonight. (There are no more extensions.) I am internally screaming.

[good-morning-czernobog]

I fully believe anime that bomb (especially when we get like fifty bajillion isekais and weird light novel adaptions) should be able to get the ghost stories treatment. Same goes to older anime that previously bombed.

[marisatomay]

People will claim to be a fan of some thing and then hate all of the themes and motifs and story lines and plot lines and protagonists and antagonists like man I don’t think that you actually like it here

[mythtakens]

“these characters should be mentally healthy before they get together 😌” ummm no I actually think we should smash their mental illnesses together like clumps of play-doh and see what colors it makes

[starrysharks]

ghanaian miku

[inbabylontheywept]

i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.

adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.

right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.

it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.

still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.

i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.

i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.

so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.

coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."

and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.

still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.

i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.

so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went

...oh.

and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.

so i did.

i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.

i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.

it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:

*ptooie.* "that all you got?"

i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!

but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.

my coach did not.

i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.

"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"

and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said

"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."

which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.

and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.

fine.

but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.

and then he left.

and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."

but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.

and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.

he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.

and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.

[angelicgarnet]

the way people online talk about autism is getting really weird, like do they know that neurotypicals still have interests? that someone being passionate about a hobby doesn't mean they're autistic? you guys know that right

[tuttle-did-it]

David Tennant for Prime Minister, please.

edit- Since this is getting so much attention, edited to include descriptions of screenshots.

This woman has lost her fucking mind.

Jo, are you okay?

[nothing-impt]

HELP

this is so fucking stupid

[tariah23]

White people are miserable, racist losers period. They’ve even been getting mad at Japanese people for correcting them about Yasuke as well.

[whats-this-mustelid]

I just think that 'animals are living intelligent creatures that have feelings and deserve to be respected' and 'when done properly farming is beneficial to both people and animals and there's nothing wrong with raising and killing animals for food, clothing, and other products' are concepts that very much can and should coexist

[tentacleteapot]

solved the paradox of the ship of Theseus btw!! turns out the answer was “it depends”. hope that helps, have a good weekend everybody!