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#(THAT YOU SHOULD READ . BY THE WAY. READ KATIES FIC.)
fatmaclover · 6 months
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its late im high and i rewatched dee's dating a retarded person and i cant stop thinking about how gentle dennis is with joyce the whole episode. how he engages her interests and passions in a way they both can enjoy, building on her ideas with her, trying to lift her up, and idk. maybe im trying to be optimistic but dennis even looks worried for her once she runs off stage. him insulting the crowd for hurting his friend, trying to defend her, or get some sort of revenge, or something...
also something about how joyce is willing to perform in front of people with dennis but not mac despite her and macs friendship having lasted longer. idk. something about that is really meaningful to me.
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scribblesofagoonerr · 8 months
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Because I can't loose you | Inner Demons
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⟫ Alphabet Challenge, B- Because I can't loose you
Pairings: leah williamson x teen reader, arsenal wfc x teen reader
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Thanks for all the love so far on this fic. It's overwhelming to see the response and thank you to those who reached out.
Also, I’d also like to thank @samkerrworshipper for giving me the courage to actually post these fics and not just keep them in my drafts 🫶🏼
Again, none of it's been proof read as I just wrote whatever came into my head right now so I apologise if it doesn't make sense at all.
Here's pt. 2 of inner demons :)
Is this something that you guys would be interested to read more if I turned it into a small fic series to write about the struggles which a teenager has with the added pressure of a professional football career while she is battling her inner demons.
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Waiting in the hospital for you to wake up, it's clear to see how much all of the girls love you and there'll always be there through the ups and downs in your life.
TW: heavy angst and talks of SH, MH, suicide and death.
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"God, she looks so tiny in that bed" Alessia was the first one to break the silence for the first time since you had been admitted to the hospital.
"She shouldn't be here-- I mean, she shouldn't be here in this... in the hospital right now" Laura struggles to express her emotions as her face sadens while she looks at your unconcious body attached to all the different wires and monitors.
"I... I'm not used to her like this, she's always laughing and joking around. This is different" Kyra says, the Aussie girl has never known you to be like as she is used to your cheeky and vibrant attitude, not the reserved and broken shell of a girl that you had become once again. "She'll be okay, won't she?" she asks quietly as she looks at the rest of the girls around the room.
"She has to be" Lotte states as she nods her head.
"She has us, she's family and we don't turn our backs on family no matter what" Kim tells them in a determined tone of voice. "Whatever her struggle is, we'll be there for her through it all. She's one of our own" she adds.
The last 24 hours had been harrowing for every single one of the girls on your team.
News had quickly spread round to the rest of the team and as soon as they heard, they all made their way to the hospital to join the rest of the girls.
They were all now sat waiting in your hospital room with anticipation for you to wake up.
"We should have realised sooner" Lia speaks up with a certain quiver in her voice.
"Why hasn't she woke up yet?" Beth was the first to ask the question that all the girls wanted to know the answer too as well but were too scared to ask.
"It will take time" Viv replies as she moves her hand to gently place it on her girlfriends' shoulder and give her a reassuring smile.
"But she should be awake by now, right?" Katies' eyebrow's nit together in confusion as she looks at the rest of the girls for any response. "I... I mean, you know, it's been a good few hours now, hasn't it?" she continues to ask.
"I... I don't get it. She was doing better" Steph swallowed the lump in her throat as she spoke up.
"No, no, she was... She is doing better. This is just a slip up" Katie tries to convince them as she casts a glance to your frail body lay in the hospital bed.
"This isn't just a slip up, Katie. This is different" Jen sighs in disagreement.
"You don't know that, we don't know what has happened or what's been said to cause her to do this" Caitlin states while she shakes her head.
"If she wakes up" Katie mumbles quietly, avoiding the hardened glare from the rest of the girls in the room. "I... I mean, it's been a while, hasn't it? She still doesn't show any sign of coming round any time soon" she tells them to defend herself.
"Jen's right, this is different" Steph turns to her fellow Australian as she bites her bottom lip in realisation. "This isn't just a slip up this time, this is... I think Y/N has been suffering in silence for a while" she tells them.
"Why didn't she tell us? We could have helped her with whatevers' been going on" Beth asks confused.
Nobody could know the answer to that, nobody could realise the inner demons that you were battling inside of your head once more.
The somber silence was quick to turn into intense commotion as all of the girls threw numerous questions around the room.
Did you stop going to your therapy appointments? Yes, they judged you on whatever you said.
Did you stop taking your meds? Yes, they made your brain foggy.
Have you feeling like this for a while and we didn't realise? Yes, you kept it quiet to not be a burden to anyone.
Was it something you saw that triggered it? Yes, your not as strong as people think you are.
There was only one person that hadn't uttered a single word in the whole 24 hours since you were admitted.
Leah, the one person who hadn't left your side the entire time.
The blonde just sat there with, a numb expression plastered on her face and her hand clutched onto your own tightly, afraid to let go.
Her sunken eyes were a enough to certify the blonde hadn't slept at all, instead she fought to keep her eyes open while she kept her eyes focused on your small vulnerable body lay in the hospital bed, where the wires were connected to the monitor that showed the slow, steady rhythm of your heart.
You shouldn't be here, you were doing so much better. You should be on the football field, partaking in the training session ahead of the game.
Why was that not the case?
"Girls, stop. None of these questions are helping right now" It was your Arsenal captain, Kim to speak aloud in her usual stern voice that quickly got the attention of the room.
"Yeah, you're right" Katie exhales a sigh and bites her bottom lip.
"How about we go and get some coffee? The doctors will round soon to check her vitals" Kim suggests to them all, a subtle way to get them all out of the room to take a breather from the tension in there.
"That would be a good idea" Steph agrees with the Scots' women and slowly moves to stand up from her seat in the room.
Most of the girls get the hint and exit the room until it's just Leah, Lia, Beth, Viv and Katie.
"Kims' right, it would be a good idea to stretch our legs" Beth states as she glances at the remaining girls in the hospital room.
"Yeah" Katie is a bit more hesistant to leave you but goes to stand up.
"Leah--" Leah begins to speak to the blonde.
"I'm not leaving her" Leah broke her silence for the first time since you had been admitted, a quiver in her voice that spoke for itself of how run down she was. "I'm... I'm not leaving her, Wally. I have to be here when she wakes up" she adds in.
"That might be a while yet" Viv admits quietly.
"It might be good to get some fresh air, Le" Beth's hesistant to suggest to the blonde incase she snaps at her.
"No" Leah was quick to decline.
"You haven't moved from the chair since you got here, Le" Lia says as shows her concern for the blonde defender.
"No. I'm not... I'm not leaving her" Leah's voice shakes with fear as she continues to stare at you. "I can't leave her" she tells them.
Knowing it wouldn't be any to try and fight her decision, the girls all begin to exit the room slowly as they turn back to look at the blonde with apprehensive looks as if they were hesitant to leave her.
"We'll be back soon, we have our phones on us if you need anything" Viv rests her hand on the blondes' shoulder as she starts to walk out.
As soon as it was just the two of you in the room, Leah let out a shaky breath as she let her vulnerability show.
"You need to wake up, Y/N/N" The blonde cries as she moves to bow her head down on your bed as she still keeps a tight hold of your hand. "Please, Y/N. Wake up, I can't... I need you to be okay" she continues to sob freely.
The noise of the monitors was soon drowned out by the loud wails' of the blonde, her whole body trembles as tears continue to spill down her cheeks.
She couldn't lose you, you were more than just her team mate to her.
You were her family, whether it was flesh of blood or not.
You were a part of her life, she couldn't watch you die.
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lea-russo333 · 9 months
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Arsenal x Teen-Reader
hi! this is the first fic that I've ever done so it's probably not going to be the best, but I still hope that some people like it! i will do a pt2 if people enjoy this one 😊
warnings: angst! eating disorders, mentions of throwing up, mentions of body shaming (pls let me know if I've missed anything)
please don't read if any of these things will trigger you.
proofread: sort of
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2:15am
You had to be up in a few hours for an early morning training session, but here you are on your phone scrolling through the endless rabbit hole of nasty Comments directed towards your appearance, especially your body.
You had only just come back from an ACL injury that had you out from playing and the public eye for nearly a year, and in that year, you had been working hard to regain your strength making your body stockier than you use to be, and people had noticed.
“She looks like a man.”
“that’s not attractive.”
“She looked better before.”
Your eyes started to sting, a few tears slipping out of them. You turned your phone off and turned around, you tried to stifle your sobs not wanting to wake up Beth and Viv who were sleeping in the room next door.
You had been living with Viv ever since you joined arsenal at 16 as she was your national teammate, so it was only reasonable, Viv and Beth had both taken you under their wing becoming a mother figure to you. Now at 19
You took a deep breath and squeezed your eyes shut holding the teddy bear that Katie had giving you for a birthday present, tears were still streaming down your face when sleep found you pulling you into a deep sleep.
Your blaring alarm startled you awake, you looked towards clock feeling as though you had only just shut your eyes.
7:30am
You groaned, you had to be at training in an hour. Waddling your way to the bathroom, you could hear Beth and Viv both talking down the hall; more than likely in the kitchen making coffee and breakfast for all of you. When you reached the bathroom and took a look in the mirror you froze taking in your appearance, your eyes were puffy and red, swollen face and hair disheveled.
“Liefde” Viv's voice echoed through the house “do you want to have breakfast here or at the training ground? I’ve made pancakes for Beth and I if you want some?” you heard her gently knock the door. Panicked, you quickly splashed cold water on your face and patted down your hair, hoping you didn’t look too much of a mess as you did be for.
You heard her knock again.
“Are you okay sweets?” it was Beths voice speaking now.
“yeah” you took a deep breath, opening the door, they both looked at you, taking in your disheveled form, looking at each other with a concerned look.
“Are you sure Liefde? You look like you’ve been crying’’ it was Viv that spoke this time, her hand reaching out to touch your face. You moved away frowning.
“I'm fine I was just watching some sad videos last night” you brushed both the girls off, giving the two women a half-asked excuse. You heard Beth laugh under her breath, putting her arm on your shoulder.
“Now why would you do that to yourself love” she laughed while patting your back, both girls seeming to believe your lie. “Now how are you feeling about pancakes?” the older women asked whilst dragging you and Viv to the kitchen. You stomach turned and you pulled your hand back shaking your head.
“I'm alright thanks, I think I'm just gonna have breakfast when we get there” you said whilst slowly making your way back into your room to get ready for training.
-
The car ride to training was fast and you quickly got your training gear out of the car before thanking the two older women and heading for the change rooms. Viv and Beth watch you walk away from them with worried looks on their faces.
“I'm worried about her” Beth turned her head towards Viv.
“I know, so am I” Viv spoke while putting a comforting hand on her girlfriends should, the two heading into the training facility.
-
When you got in the change room, only a few girls where in there, Steph, Manu and Katie. You quickly said hello before rushing towards the showers, not wanting to change in front of them.  You had been changing in the showers for the past few weeks, knowing that if you changed in front of everyone that they'd see how much weight you’ve lost in a short amount of time, and you’d be caught. You waited in the showers until you heard the girls leave for breakfast. You let out a shaky breath that you hadn't realized Youd been holding and sild out of the change rooms and making a bee line for the gym; wanting to get in some extra exercise before practice started. You knew everyone would be at breakfast, so you weren't fussed with anyone catching you. What you hadn't anticipated though, was for your skipper Leah to be in the gym as well. you would never admit it out loud, but Leah intimated you. She was a good captain, hardworking and stern, she always tells it how it is and wasn’t afraid to call someone out when they were acting out or not putting in the effort.
As soon as you entered, she turned to look at you, eyes scrunching in confusion. You mumbled a quick apology and went to leave when she spoke up.
“You alright y/n? why aren't you at breakfast?” she was walking towards you.
“I'm sorry I didn’t realize anyone one was in here, I just wanted to get some extra time in before training” you said rather quickly, eyes looking anywhere but at her.
“Why would you need to do that when we already have an hour gym session today?” her eyebrows still furrowed “you didn’t tell me why you aren't at breakfast” her tone was stern and unwavering as she kept her hard gaze on you.
“I ate breakfast at home” you told her “Viv made pancakes” she looked you up and down almost scanning your body before her gaze turned back to your face her eyebrow rising slightly as if telling you she didn’t really believe you. She looked away as you gulped. That was another thing about Leah, she always seemed to know when you were lying to her, and right now didn’t seem to be an exception.
“Right well trainings about to start anyway” she said while turning your body in the direction of the door “lets head out to the field” she pushed you forward, a silent way to tell you to lead the way. You rolled your eyes and shook your head, speeding up your movement so you didn’t have to walk with her.
As training progressed you could feel your body getting tired, you hadn't eaten anything this morning and thrown up your dinner from last night. You knew it was bad, but you couldn’t stop…it was an addicting feeling.
By the time lunch time had rolled around and training was finished for the day, you were absolutely exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in your bed and sleep. Your body was sore, and You hobbled slowly towards the changing room, your breathing was uneven, and your head was pounding.
You were the last to make it to the changing rooms, you could her Alessia and Katie making dinner plans for tonight and was asking people if they'd be able to make it. You mentally rolled your eyes as Beth excitedly said that you three would be attending.
“Hey, you alright mate?” you groaned at the question, having heard it one to many times that day for your liking. You turned to see Caitlyn behind you.
“Yes, I'm fine” you huffed out, slowly growing agitated.
“Are you sur- “you cut her off before she could finish.
“Yes, I'm fine! I’ve already said it about a thousand times” you huffed grabbing your stuff and storming out of the room, not even bothering to change, leaving behind shocked Caitlin and confused teammates.
“I’ll go talk to her” Beth muttered after a few minutes of awkward silence. She grabbed her training kit, as did Viv, and walked out of the room. They looked in countless empty rooms before heading to the car park where they found you waiting by the car scrolling on your phone once again, they had noticed you had been doing that a lot recently.
As soon as you heard the car door click, you jumped inside, not wanting to have the conversation you knew was about to take place. Both Beth and Viv entered soon after having a short conversation outside. No one said anything throughout the drive home, the two women sharing glances with each other every now and then while you opted to stay on your phone, scrolling through your Instagram comments.
When the three of you got home you headed straight for your room, closing the door behind you. Both the women sighed as they watched you. They had both noticed a change in you, they had noticed how you went straight to the bathroom after dinner, telling them you needed to “shower”, they had believed you at first until Beth had overheard you vomit in the bathroom 2 nights in a row. They had noticed that you weren't eating the snacks you love anymore or that you weren't eating breakfast in the mornings with them anymore, they had also noticed the mass amount of weight you had lost in such a little span of time. Of course, they had noticed it, practically the whole team had noticed it, with some voice their worries for you every now and then.
“She needs help” Beth stated as she stared at your bedroom door.
“Yeah…I know.”
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Thank you for reading!! pls write some feedback if you have any :)
and if people are interested then I will do a pt2 💕
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httpswritings · 9 months
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The Great War — Katie McCabe x Reader
Additional info: Story inspired Taylor Swift’s The Great War. I’m in my Katie era, but I’m also planning on writing about other players, especially Alexia, which I have like four ideas to write about. We’ll see. I also have a draft of Ruesha x Katie inspired in Moth to a flame by The Weeknd, but I’m doubting about posting it or not. Maybe in the future I’ll write a Caitlin x Katie fic, but I don't have a clear vision of them yet to properly write about them.
Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, throwing up and therapy, sensitive topics overall, avoid reading if you find them triggering. Angsty Katie.
Word count: 1691
Right after Katie ended her relationship with Caitlin Foord, she met Y/N. After some time, they got into a relationship together. They enjoyed every single second of the magical connection they seemed to have. With the passing of time, Katie became more and more anxious about her relationship with Y/N. She doubted she could be what Y/N deserved, even though her girlfriend took her time every day to remind Katie that she's never been as happy in a relationship as she was with her.
«My knuckles were bruised like violets
Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked»
Two heartbreaks in such a little time, with both her Ireland National Team's member Ruesha and girlfriend of seven years, and her Arsenal's teammate Caitlin Foord, who was her girlfriend during half a year, made the Irishwoman insecure about her ability to love, to trust, to have a happy fairytale ending. Katie knew these thoughts would damage her relationship with Y/N, but she couldn't help but to spend most of her day tracking every single detail that built her relationship to the obsessive point where she felt absolutely sick of herself.
«Spineless in my tomb of silence
Tore your banners down, took the battle underground»
When she reached her limit, she told Y/N about what was going on. Y/N responded well and helped Katie, and it started well. Really well. But after some time, Katie fell back into a cycle of doubt and anxiety, and those sensations kept growing when she noticed any change in Y/N's mood, as she took it too personally. This made her re-experience in her mind those moments of stress while she was with Ruesha or Caitlin.
«And maybe it was ego swinging
Maybe it was her
Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur»
Y/N tried to understand her, she tried and tried but eventually, she reached her limit.
“I want to help you. I really do. But I can't continue like this. I'm not Ruesha, nor I am Caitlin. I am aware that being in a new relationship it's difficult for you, so maybe we should take things a bit slower. I don't mean to take a break, but maybe I should go back to my flat. We will move on slower than we did before, but I do think it's the only way to work it out.”
«All that bloodshed, crimson clover
Sweet dream was over»
“Yeah, maybe you're right´”, that was Katie's only response. Y/N limited herself to sigh. That night, Katie slept alone in her bed. Her body reacting to the cold sheets and crying herself to sleep.
«My hand was the one you reached for
All throughout the Great War»
Sweet morning messages from Y/N, “Good morning, baby. Do good at training today! Love you ;)”
Surprise visits from Y/N, lovely gifts, usually handmade ones, brought Katie to tears as she felt endlessly loved.
«Always remember
Tears on the letter
I vowed not to cry anymore
If we survived the Great War»
Katie prayed for things to get back as they were during the first months of the relationship. The feeling of her not being a good girlfriend to Y/N haunted her even in her sleep.
«You drew up some good faith treaties
I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone»
Y/N suggested going to a therapist together, but Katie was unsure about that. She thought that if she couldn't quite open to her girlfriend about her feelings and thoughts, she wouldn't be able to talk about what was bothering her to a therapist. Such a huge contrast between the two parts of the relationship that drew them even more apart.
«You said I have to trust more freely
But diesel is desire, you were playing with fire
And maybe it's the past that's talkin'
Screamin' from the crypt
Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did
So I justified it»
“No, I'm sorry, but I'm not doing this. I feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger about our issues.”
“I know, baby, I was just suggesting it. Let me explain you why. We are aware of having some problems in our relationship, but we don't really know how to get through it. We've tried and things keep getting worse. Maybe talking to someone who's out of our relationship can make this whole situation clearer for the both of us.”
«All that bloodshed, crimson clover
The bombs were close and
My hand was the one you reached for
All throughout the Great War
Always remember
The burning embers
I vowed not to fight anymore
If we survived the Great War»
Katie took some weeks to meditate Y/N´s idea. She was terrified of being judged by the therapist they would talk to. Even more scared of Y/N realizing she didn't do any good to her. Eventually, she agreed.
“Maybe she's right. People attend therapy sessions. It's normal, Katie. It's normal”, she said to herself.
«It turned into something bigger
Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed»
Katie was not new to getting help from a therapist. She was very open about her mental health in different areas of her life, whether that included football or not. The first time she attended a therapy session was when she was a teenager. It went well, so did the first sessions with Anna, Katie's and Y/N´s psychologist.
Making progress is not a linear process, and making mistakes is a part of the success. Mistakes are a victory in themselves, it means that you're still trying. One day, Katie had an individual session with Anna. Anna felt it was Katie's time to open about her two past relationships; a young adult romance that lasted for more than half a decade and a short but intense romance of one year after a breakup.
It was a slow conversation filled with many pauses from Katie.
“Are you gonna tell Y/N what I'm telling you?”
“No, Katie. This stays between me and you”, said Anna.
As Katie told her her experiences in love, she broke down.
The wall she had built, in order to avoid being hurt and judged, collapsed in that therapy room.
“Don't be afraid to cry. You have nothing to prove to me nor to Y/N. This is about you and your healing process. Y/N will help you and accompany you, but it's crucial for you to work on yourself, especially being a public figure.”
«Your finger on my hair pin triggers»
As Katie arrived home, she unlocked her phone and asked Y/N to come over.
“I've asked Anna, and she told me it was a good initiative and a great way of gaining some independence in our relationship, leaving her out of it for a while. Don't feel obliged to!”
“I am exhausted, baby. Work was something else today, and I’m a little bit irritated because of it, lol. Maybe another time? Love you.”
As Katie was about to spiral, she remembered Anna's advice. She breathed deeply. Y/N was setting her boundaries. She trusted Katie enough to tell her the truth and not to make any excuses. She felt tired from work. Y/N is not mad at her. She didn't do anything wrong. Everything’s okay.
«Soldier down on that icy ground
Looked up at me with honor and truth
Broken and blue, so I called off the troops»
The next day Katie woke up to a text from Y/N.
“Good morning, princess. I had a great sleep, what about you? How did you sleep? I’m up to seeing you today if you feel like it. Love you.”
Still slightly asleep, she smiled.
“I can't wait to see you today, beautiful girl. I had a good sleep, too. Good to have the bed all to myself ;))”
She frowned after sending the text with that joke at the end.
“Breath, Katie, let these useless thoughts pass. Both you and Y/N feel comfortable teasing each other”, said Katie to herself.
“Ha, ha, really funny. We both know you missed having me snoring next to you.”
“How do you know?!?!”
«That was the night I nearly lost you
I really thought I lost you»
As Katie was preparing herself to go out with Y/N to have lunch, she remembered the night where Y/N left her house.
She doesn't freak out to the thought of it, but instead she does an exercise of introspection. She sees herself in her mind, almost throwing up, completely emotionally depending on her girlfriend while pushing her away and bottling up her feelings.
«We can plant a memory garden
Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair
There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair
And we will never go back
To that bloodshed, crimson clover
The worst was over»
Now she looks at herself in the mirror. She sees herself, Katie, as the woman who knows that she's loved, and she's deserving of being it. The woman who respects her girlfriend’s boundaries and doesn't freak out at the tiniest change that she perceives. The woman who's going to take her girlfriend out to have a good time having lunch, not worrying about anything but what order she's going to have.
«My hand was the one you reached for
All throughout the Great War
Always remember
We're burned for better
I vowed I would always be yours
'Cause we survived the Great War
I would always be yours
'Cause we survived the Great War
I vowed I would always be yours»
As they arrived home back from the restaurant, Y/N walked towards Katie.
“I’m so proud of you, baby. You did this. You are doing it every day. I’m so excited to see where our relationship leads us to.”
As Katie sobbed, she softly laughed, “It’s nice to cry sometimes. God, I feel so relieved. I’m so proud of myself, too, of us! Thank you for being there for me, Y/N, thank you. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life as your girlfriend.”
“Even when you'll wake up to my snoring?”
“Especially when I'll wake up to your snoring.”
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imagine-that-100 · 1 year
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Will We Talk? | Part 2 |
Description of Part 1: Alex Turner x Reader | Being Katie Cook’s best friend means you see a lot of a certain band, so it’s too bad that the lead singer can’t seem to stand being in your presence. You’re all too aware that you get chatty when you’re anxious, and despite being around each other for a decade, Alex still makes your heart race (and not in a good way). But then he asks a question you never expected to hear, and it changes everything: “Do I make you nervous?”
Word Count: 15.2k
Warnings: Smut 
A/N: Besties, hellooo! I honestly can’t explain how shocked I am that with the response to Part 1. Alex stans you’re back and I’m thrilled you enjoyed the first part! I’m so excited to share this one with you, I can’t believe after almost 2 years this fic is finally coming out and I’ve finally finished part 2 ahahhaa. Really hope you enjoy it, can’t wait for your reactions. Let me know if theres anything that you want to see happen in part 3 because I’m very interested! Thanks again to @alovesreading and @kennedy-brooke for putting up with me pecking your head and helping with this chapter, it’s much appreciated! Thanks everyone for reading, and I really hope you enjoy! Thanks a million x
| My Masterlist | 
| Part 1 |
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Just as you were turning yourself around again to head upstairs, Alex leaves you shell shocked when he asks you, “Do you want to fuck me?”
Instantly your eyes are the widest they could possibly get and you’re sure your jaw falls open. Looking at him intently to try and make sure you’re not dreaming this, you deadpan, “Excuse me?”
“Do you want to fuck me?” Alex asks, putting the record back like it's the most casual thing to ask someone he barely speaks to, “Is that why I make you nervous?”
This should be the easiest response you’ve ever given him.
“I-”
But your words fail you. Your heart feels like it’s about to beat out of your chest.
Wait… Do I want to fuck him?
You scorn yourself, not needing that question answered right now because you’re so confused, you have your own questions that need answering.
Your words are immediately defensive and you don’t hesitate to narrow your eyes as you ask, “What have I done to make you think that I want to fuck you?”
“Well everything that I just mentioned is what rules out fan behaviour.” Alex tells you saying this like it’s the most normal thing leaving his mouth, “It was just something else that popped into my mind whilst I was trying to figure you out.”
Why is he trying to figure me out in the first place though?
After a second Alex raises his eyebrows at you, curiously wondering, “Well?”
“I- I’ve not- ever really given it much thought.” You stumble on your words, because in truth you think you’d maybe twice looked at him and guessed he was good in bed and you didn’t let your mind wonder past that.
When he asks, “Do you not think it would be good?” after waiting for your answer, you’re sure he can read your mind.
Your brain is whurring around, but you can get it together enough to say, “I never said that.”
Alex smiles a little at that and he takes a step closer as he asks, “So your answer is yes then?”
“Never said that either.” You shake your head, taking as much of a deep breath that you can without making it obvious.
Alex shrugs a little as he watches you, “Well it's a simple question.”
Is he deluded? This is the furthest from a simple question he could ever get.
“You sound like you want to fuck me.” You fire back at him, hoping he’d give you some inclination of how he even wanted you to answer.
He smirks at you as he says, “I mean, I'd be interested in seeing if your mouth can do something other than talk at a hundred miles an hour.”
Holy fucking shit.
If you’re honest this feels like you’re having the biggest practical joke of all time played on you. You have no other idea where all this would be coming from, because you certainly can’t imagine Alex Turner - out of all the people you know - saying suggestive things to you.
You’re truly shocked to your core. Never did you ever think that this brief trip to your house would have you gawking at Alex like he was a headless chicken. But because he just said that, you’re a bit fuming now.
“You’re sounding pretty cocksure.” You frown a little at that, getting defensive, “Why does me being nervous and chatty around you automatically make you think I want to fuck you?”
“You’re not like this with anyone else.” Alex smiles as he tries to explain himself, because to him it makes perfect sense. He’s experienced it before which is why he’d rather hear you tell him straight and he hopes that explaining where he’s coming from will make you more vocal, “Which tells me you can’t blame every interaction we’ve had on you being an introvert. And you don’t know me well enough to be nervous around me because you really like me, so that leaves me with the assumption that you might want to fuck me.”
“That's possibly the most arrogant thing that’s ever left your mouth.” You frown at him but Alex can’t help but think it’s adorable. Like a mouse is angry at a cat.
But then you make him fully grin when you say in your anger, “Besides the fact you think my mouth would be occupied before yours, that's hilarious in itself. No wonder you’re single.”
Stop fucking talking Y/N. Nulled your point completely there, you idiot. Stop thinking about it!
“So you’ve planned this out already.” Alex smirks, “Good to know.”
“No I-” You stop yourself from saying anything else you regret as panic bubbles in your stomach. You take a deep breath with your eyes closed and you start to say, “Alex can you p-”
But your words halt and your eyes open when you feel his hand come to rest on your hip. You see he’s right in front of you now and he’s looking at you reassuringly with only a vague amused smile on his lips.
You’re positive you stop breathing when he asks, “Can I kiss you?”
Your eyes go wide again, and unable to stop yourself you ask, “Right now?”
“Yes.” Alex nods with a small laugh.
“No,” You shake your head, and shock is so clearly seen on your face and heard in your voice when you say, “You can’t.”
Alex has to ask you, “Why not?”
At the end of the day a kiss could make up your mind. Something so innocent is surely something you wouldn’t be opposed to.
You almost make Alex burst out laughing when your defence is, “Because I’ve not had a drink.” and not because you don’t actually want to.
His lips are curled up into a smile when he asks, “Why do you need a drink for me to kiss you?”
“To help me relax.” You tell him like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and the singer has to keep it together.
Feeling the need to remind you he blankly states, “It’s a kiss.”
“Sorry,” You shake your head, looking at him like he’s just told you he has three big toes or something abnormal. What a fucking idiot, it’s not just a kiss when you’ve not had a drink. You had to ask him, “When was the last time you kissed someone sober that wasn’t a person you were seeing?”
Alex laughs openly for a few seconds there and the way he’s laughing does seem genuine. It’s the same laugh that you’ve heard when he’s in Miles’ company or anyone else who he actually likes to spend time with. You just really don’t know why you’re hearing it, but it does calm you down.
Both of you share eye contact for a few seconds as you watch him laugh and you’re processing the past few minutes in your mind. Alex Turner, your best friends’ husband’s best mate, has as asked you if you want to fuck him. And he’s pretty much told you that he wants to fuck you. And he’s asked if he could kiss you.
And as you’re thinking all of this, you’ve subconsciously settled into his hold on you. Both his hands are holding your hips now, resting gently as his thumbs move over the soft material of your skirt.
You’ve not realised you’re now looking at him inquisitively, you’re looking up at his features like you’re curious. And truthfully, now you are. The longer you look at his face, the more you wonder if his skin is as smooth as it looks. The more you catch sight of his lips, the more you wonder how he’d use them when they are against yours.
So Alex asks you a simpler question in a quiet voice, hoping to not scare you out of the trance you seem to have got yourself in. “Do you want me to kiss you, Y/N?”
You try not to think about what he’s said, instead you look up into his eyes during this quiet moment you’re sharing. He seems to understand that you’re silently asking him if he actually wants to kiss you, so Alex just leans down and answers your question.
The moment his lips connect to yours, you feel like your heart is about to go into cardiac arrest. Like it’s the last burst of energy before it ultimately gives up on you and you pass into a peaceful and less anxiety inducing afterlife.
But you don’t die on the spot. Instead, your lips move against his slowly as you let him lead you.
And Alex kisses like he has no other place to be apart from right here. The previous rush of needing to get back here and get changed before Katie and Jamie come to pick you up is as if that was never the plan at all.
You’re trying not to spiral or let your erratic nervousness get the better of you, all you try to do is focus on every movement you feel. On Alex’s hands wrapping further around your back, tightening his hold on you as he kisses you sweetly.
You're taken aback when he deepens your kiss which ends up with your hand taking a hold of his shirt and you pull on it a little as you whimper into his mouth. The noise you release doesn’t phase Alex in the slightest, if anything it encourages him further and he no longer treats you like you’re about to break.
It turns heated and Alex is pleased that you’re responding so well to him. When he draws a moan out of you, he can’t help but feel proud of himself and when you tug a little on his shirt to keep him in the kiss, he really likes it.
He’s not been able to get the thought of what you would be like to kiss or fuck since that night you came to his gig. And finding out that you were available and that you weren’t seeing anyone when he walked you home that night earlier in the year, meant that it was all Alex could think about since getting back home from the latest leg of the tour.
You’re a little breathless when he pulls away and you’re dazed to say the least. Alex opens his eyes first and sees that yours are still closed as if lost in the moment. Your grip is still strong on his shirt like his is around your waist.
“That was good, yeah?” Alex asks softly when you open your eyes.
Your words start to fail you immediately, “I-” so you end up looking down as you feel your cheeks heating up.
But the last thing Alex wants is for you to go back into your shell. “Y/N?”
You have no idea why, but you’re in so much shock at what’s just happened that you blurt out, “I don’t do one night stands.”
Alex smiles a little at that, edging his bets a little when he raises his eyebrows, “Who said it had to be one night?”
“Well, I- I’ve never done the friends with benefits thing.” Blinking a few times, as if to get your thoughts in order, you add, “In fact, I don’t even know if we’re quite friends.”
“We’ve known each other for nearly a decade Y/N,” He fakes a little hurt, “You wouldn’t call me your friend?”
“I’d call Jamie my friend. I’d call Miles, Matt, and Nick my friends.” You're honest when you say, “But I think this is the longest time you’ve ever spent alone with me.”
Alex just grins, “I think this is the only conversation we’ve ever had where you’re not speaking at double speed. Is that because you’re too nervous to even speak now or because you’re shocked?”
The singer is pleased that you don’t go back into your shell at his teasing. Instead, he’s met with the firery side of you that he met earlier when he asked if you wanted to fuck him.
“This might be the only conversation we’ve ever had. And it’s very much the shock.” Some self consciousness kicks back in though as you step out of his arms, “Do you even think I’m attractive or are you messing with me for your own amusement?”
After you move away from him a little, Alex goes and perches on the arm of your settee and folds his arms together when he answers, “I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask that.”
“It’s a perfectly valid question.” You tell him, mimicking his movements and crossing your own arms.  
“No, I’m not messing with you. I think you’re really attractive.” Alex tells you truthfully.
It’s confirmed. You’ve definitely accidentally fallen into an alternate reality where this Alex Turner is a hell of a lot nicer than the other one you're used to.
You just believe this further when he adds, “I have done for a long time, but only wanted to do something about it the last few times I’ve seen you.”
“Are you on drugs?” You deadpan, crossing your arms as you walk towards him to stare into his brown eyes hoping for a sign that there’s a fucking party of drugs in his bloodstream.
But Alex laughs as you check his pupils and he shakes his head, “No. Not even had a drink yet.”
And you believe him because his pupils are a normal size and he seems with it in every way other than the words spilling from his mouth. And that just leaves you so beyond confused.
Running a hand through your hair, you scorn him as you begin to pace, “You could have at least hinted or something.”
“I definitely did.” Alex tells you.
Bullshit.
You shake your head as you pace, scoffing, “When?” as you don’t expect him to have an answer.
“When I told Jamie to invite you to our shows,” Alex holds one finger up and adds a second and third when he lists, “And I gave you that triple A pass, and I got you a drink.”
“You’ve got to be joking,” You stop right in front of him. Wide eyed, you go into teacher mode on him and say, “Half the time you answer me in as little words as possible when I speak to you, that's absolutely no indication that you want to fuck me Alex! I don’t even think you spoke to me that night.”
“I bought you a drink!” Alex argues his point, an amused smile still playing on his lips though. You’re funny when you’re feisty.
You want to roll your eyes at him. You end up counterarguing, “How was I meant to know that was you trying to come on to me if you don’t follow it up with a conversation or a shitty pick up line at the very least?”
Clearly Alex remembers the night better than you do because he tells you, “We had a conversation and you barely let me get a word in edgeways.”
And just as you’re about to argue back to try and wipe that victorious smirk off Alex’s face, your phone starts ringing. Quickly walking around Alex to grab your small bag that you had on before, you pull your phone out and see that it’s Katie calling you.
“Fuck,” You look out of the window and see the taxi pulled up at the side of the road. “They're here.” and you’re not fucking ready.  
You briefly answer the phone and tell your best friend that you’ll be out in a minute. You hang up when Alex gets up from his seat and you start rushing around trying to find your tights again because now you really have run out of time.
But you can’t even do that because when you turn around to try and check in another shopping bag, Alex is there and he quickly kisses you again which catches you by surprise. It doesn’t last anywhere near as long as the other one but it still leaves your lips tingling and wanting more.
Pulling away, Alex tells you, “I’ll go and tell them you’ll just be a minute. I think we’re going to have a fun night, don’t you?”
And all you can do is gormlessly stare after him before he pulls his jacket back on and leaves your house with you genuinely not being able to process the last 10 minutes. And you don’t even have fucking time to process it because you needed to be out of the door 2 minutes ago.
So you opt for the last thing you wanted to do when you left the Cook household. You slip your ripped tights off and throw them in the bin before you leave the house and once you have your bag and your boots back on, you lock up and get into the taxi.
You’re cold already which you’re not pleased about but your temperature is the furthest thing from the front of your mind as you climb in the black taxi and you’re seated beside the man who’d just kissed you twice. He looks at you with an amused grin but you don’t give him any satisfaction of looking back at him.
The annoyance in your system grows when Jamie nods down to your bare, and thankfully smooth, legs and asks, “What’s happened to new tights?”
“I couldn’t find any.” You brush his comment off and just look out of the window so you don’t say something you regret like, ‘blame your best mate for asking if I wanted to fuck him and then he kissed me twice’.
You have to bite your tongue at Jamie’s quiet comment back, “Could have saved you the dull walk back if you’d listen to me, Y/N.”
That trip home is the furthest thing from dull that’s probably ever happened to you.
~*~*~*~
At the club Alex has been quite different to how you were used to him - he seems to always be keeping an eye on you, trying to stay close to you at all times but not in an overbearing way, simply wanting to spend more time in your presence.
And whilst that’s enough to have your mind spinning after what had happened back at your house, his casual flirting is only making you even more aware of the change in his behaviour.
If it wasn’t him briefly brushing your waist with the pads of his fingers before joining your chat with Katie, it was him getting you another drink and whispering in your ear about how good you looked. Everything he did slowly drove you insane, and it was no surprise to you that you drank more as a result.
Thankfully now you’re relaxed about it, the more he’s been doing it, the more you’re enjoying it and want him to continue. But that doesn’t mean his behaviour doesn’t affect you. On the contrary, there were multiple occasions in the first few hours at the club he boldly flirted with you when only you were in earshot and he left you completely at a loss for words. But you can’t lie to yourself, it got your heart racing.
So when he comes up behind you at the bar and smirks as he jokes into your ear, “Christ, do you wanna slow down?” you don’t mind at all.
You laugh as you finish taking the sour shot you just got for yourself, “Nope.”
Being properly tipsy Alex notices definitely loosens you up a little. You don’t look anxious all the time, and you’ll actually laugh at the jokes he’s telling you and you’ll look like you’re not nervous to be around him all the time which he much prefers.
There’s something about the way he’s standing behind you but with his arm on the side of the bar, trapping you in your spot beside him that you quite like. And when you look up at him you’re trying not to smile when you see the way he’s looking at you entirely entertained, like he can’t bring himself to tear his eyes away from you.
You feel your stomach fill with that nervous feeling as he keeps your gaze, but instead of blabbing on like you usually do, you ask, “Do you want to do a tequila shot with me?”
“Yeah, okay.” Alex nods and you quickly ask the bartender who served you just a minute ago for two shots.
The singer is standing close to you as you both watch the bartender move, but when you feel Alex’s hand move from holding the bar to the small of your back you look up at him. Almost as soon as you do, Alex turns to look at you too and the time that you hold eye contact, you feel that pull between you that you felt when he kissed you earlier.
And you can’t help but want him to do it again. But you need to get something off your chest before you even think about what he offered you earlier. You lean up a little so you can say into his ear for only him to hear, “I'm nervous around you because you’re always grumpy and distant with me. You never engaged in any conversation I’ve ever had with you, except tonight and the time you walked me home.”
“So there…” You lay it all out on the table for him, and you pull back a little so you can see his face again, “Before tonight nothing to do with it was about sex.”
“And I’m sorry about that Y/N. I really am.” He looks and sounds sincere as he says that, and you believe him when he tells you, “I’ll do better.”
“Good.” You nod, “So you should.”
Alex can’t help but smile as you turn back to the bar to grab your shots. The bartender has put the lime on top of the shot for you and you move them towards you.
Leaving Alex’s shot in front of him, you grab the salt shaker and lick the back of your hand before sprinkling some on the same spot before you pass it to Alex. You watch as he does the same and you pick up your lime and shot and wait for him to get to the same point you’re at.
Once he is, you’re both grinning as you turn to face each other properly so you can do the shot. “Cheers.” You smile and raise your glass up to him.
Grinning, Alex clinks his shot against yours and he watches intently as you lick the salt from the back of your hand, him doing the same simultaneously. The shot is next and he can’t help but be a little shocked when you don’t pull a face when you swallow the spirit but there is a little relief on your face when you bite into the lime.
Grinning as you both put the shot glasses back down, you can’t help the small intake of breath as Alex’s hand finds your hip this time and he holds you against him as he asks over the loud music, “Can I buy you a drink?”
Of course, you accept with a smile, “Yeah okay.”
You really do quite like this friendly side of him, whether he’s flirting with you or not, you don’t mind now you’ve had enough to drink. You much prefer this version of him to the grumpy bastard you’re mostly used to.
Pleased with your answer, Alex asks, “Amaretto?”
Nodding, you grin, “Please.” still finding it both amusing and shocking he knows your drink of choice.
Alex orders drinks for you, a double Disaronno on ice, and for him, a whisky coke. Once you have them the bartender asks the both of you, “You paying for everything together?”
And as you shake your head, Alex verbally disagrees telling them, “I’ll get them all please mate.”
“No,” You shake your head, looking at the bartender and saying, “Let me get the shots.”
“I’ve got them Y/N/N.” Alex gently knocks your hand with your card in, out of the way and puts his card on the machine before you can get yours there.
You sigh and look at Alex who now has a shit eating grin on his face and frown. But instead of scorning him like you want to, you tell him, “I’m getting the next ones.”
“I’ll hold you to it.” Alex smirks despite having no intention to make you pay for anything tonight.  
You pick your drink up and smile at him, “Thank you.” as you take a sip.
Alex smiles as he picks his drink up too and he rests his hand on the small of your back as the both of you make your way back over to your friends. It's about 10:30pm now and you’ve had a great night so far, especially after Kelly came out to join you too along with Nick and Kirsten.
You always thought Nick's divorce was amicable, thankfully nothing like Matts (although you will and always will be on Breanas side of it). But you’ve always loved that Nick never made Katie feel like she couldn’t bring her friend out with you all, and it helped that Kirsten always got on with Kelly and she just became another friend.
Before you take a seat, you thank Alex again and he smiles and nods as he moves to sit beside Nick. You perch yourself down next to Katie as your previous seat and seeing an opportunity arise you lean in and kiss her cheek to draw her attention.
“Hello gorgeous.” Katie grins, her eyes lighting up seeing it was you who kissed her.
“Oh stop it.” You can’t take a compliment to save your life so your cheeks heat up a little.
Albeit, not as much as they’ve been heating up as a result of Alex flirting with you since you got to this club. His flirting made you glad for the low lighting because you don’t want him seeing just how much he can affect you.
Katie asks, “Where have you been?”
“I went to the toilet and then went to the bar to get a shot, but ended up doing a Tequila with Alex.” You explain why you’ve taken so long.
Katie can’t help but smile at this. It feels like you and Alex have somehow slowly become much less awkward with each other the past few times you’ve seen each other and your best friend is thankful for it.
She knows it’s not from your lack of trying, despite how shy you are. Katie is just glad Alex is finally giving you a break and not being a colossal twat.
So she smiles at you as she points it out to you, “You and Alex seem to be getting on easier today.”
“Yeah,” Your eyes go a little wide at her saying that.
You’ve not told her anything about what was said at your house earlier, nothing about the kisses or the proposition to fuck. So you know she’s just being genuinely happy for you that you’re not feeling awkward on a night out with him.
And you really don’t fancy opening that can of worms and making things awkward for yourself by telling her. Because, despite loving your best friend with all your heart, you know she won't keep her mouth shut and it will make you so overly paranoid, you’d rather pretend like it didn't happen and just keep silently enjoying being flirted with.
“He’s not acting like a total dickhead and ignoring me which is helping conversation.” You nod, chuckling a little as that is usually what made your skin crawl in the past.
“Well yeah, that will do it.” Katie laughs.
You let your eyes glance back to the man who bought you your drink and your heart stutters a little when you see he’s already looking at you. You feel your cheeks heat up again as a result of his stare, but you smile back at him as your stomach flips and you give your attention back to your best friend.
Alex on the other hand, can’t take his eyes off you, or more specifically your lips. Since you’ve returned to your friends, you’ve not stopped licking your lips, making them more plump by the second. All the singer can think about is having them on his own again, and he’s dying for it. He should have kissed you at the bar like he wanted to.
He’s half certain you’re doing it unconsciously as a result of the tequila shot, as he can still taste it on his lips too. You only seem to be doing it when you’re not talking, so he realises that must be the reason you’re doing it and not to just silently torture him.
You girls manage 5 minutes of chatting to each other again before you hear the start of Beyonce’s Single Ladies fill the room and it's Katie who gasps and stands up immediately. She drags you from your seat, demanding that you go and dance with her and after that tequila shot, you’re in no position to deny her.
Kelly and Kirsten join you and you’re not sure how many songs pass, it all becomes a bit of a blur as the boys come up and hand you more drinks when they spot you’ve finished your others. Alex is the one who comes up and gives you yours, the first time you notice his eyes scanning your body and you feel no need to hide under his stare like you usually do, you feel great and you’re having too much fun so you thank him and let your eyes take him in.
He looks fucking great. The Chelsea boots paired with his blue jeans that are tight on his arse, and since taking his leather jacket off earlier, he has rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt making him drool worthy. His hair is a nice length again now, longer on top instead of the buzzcut makes him look younger again.
Alex doesn’t miss the way you look at him that time, and he doesn’t miss it half an hour later when he brings you your next drink up to the dancefloor. He catches your eye and raises the glass that you can tell is yours by the shape and you wave him over, and he makes his way over to you.
You’re borderline drunk now, but for you the night feels like it’s just getting going. Little do you realise that your friends are going to have to leave in a little over 45 minutes to get back to the kids.
Alex smiles as he stops in front of you, a little out of breath and sweaty from singing and dancing but he can’t help but think you look so vibrantly alive and full of the best type of energy. This is how he wishes he’d seen you all along, this is the side he wants to see more often of Katie’s shy and nervous best friend.
“For you.” Alex hands the drink over and you eagerly accept, needing something to soothe your throat.
You grin, and take a desperate sip before saying an appreciative, “Thank you.”
Alex’s eyes move back to the people dancing behind you and over to the other 3 girls who he sees are still dancing away but quickly become distracted by Nick and Jamie bringing them their drinks. But Alex looks into your eyes as he points out, “You look like you’re having fun.”
“I am,” You nod, and because your inhibitions are so much lower now than they were earlier, you ask over the loud music, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Course.” Alex nods, smiling at the mere fact you want to.
Stepping closer to him, your chests almost together, you lean up and say into his ear, “Do you actually want to fuck me?”
Alex smirks, but instead of teasing he just leans down and lets his lips brush your ear as he confirms, “I wouldn’t have put so much effort into flirting with you if I didn’t.”
Whilst he loves the small whine you let out, he can’t help but be a little amused yet concerned by the way you rub your temples. You move back a little and tell him, “You’re fucking with my head.”
Alex thinks you look a little stressed about it again like you did earlier, which is the last thing he wants. You’d got so close tonight that he was sure you were feeling the same way he was.
So Alex tries to reignite that flirtiness with you, he leans back in and says, “I’d rather give you head, if that’s any consolation.”
Your cheeks flame at the same time your heart skips a beat and your stomach drops. You didn’t realise how much you like the thought of Alex being the one to do that until it’s offered to you. And the fact he’d said it so bluntly, there was no way you could find a way to twist his words.
He wants to do that. Alex Turner wants to go down on you. And you’ve somehow got to survive the night after hearing that, you have no idea how.
“You- I-” Trying to tell him off is pointless, and giving a coherent answer is even worse, so you end up asking, “Is your aim to make me flustered every chance you get?”
Alex smirks, and instead of answering directly, he just tucks your hair behind your ear as he grins, “You’re cute when you go all stuttery.”
Again you can’t fathom any words, you’re left a little blindsided by the compliment so Alex takes over. He leans into your ear and says, “Would it help your decision if I told you that I want you to agree? That I want you to say yes.”
When he moves back to look at you, in his eyes you can see he means it, along with the lust that’s beginning to shine through too. Whilst it’s finally nice to actually know what’s going on in his head, it doesn’t make things any easier in yours.
“I-” You start but both you and Alex get interrupted.
“Guys, we’re off.” Kirsten shocks both you and Alex out of your conversation and you both turn to her and Nick who you hug goodbye.
Not 10 minutes after they leave, Kelly decides to call it a night which you don’t entirely blame her for because after the last shot you three girls had, she looked like she could fall asleep at any moment.
After getting her safely in a taxi, you and Katie come back up to find the boys and you see them now by one of the pillars with a table around it that isn’t too far from where you were dancing earlier. You do notice now just how busy the club has got, everyone dancing is like a sea of bodies, making it very easy for the singer and guitarist to maintain their anonymity.
Katie, being the loving wife that she is, kisses Jamie deeply after she takes her new glass of wine from him, making you avert your gaze from the couple and focus on the singer again. Alex smiles at you and holds out your new drink for you to take.
“Thank you.” You say loudly over the music and reach to take it from him.
“Ah,” Alex pulls it away from you before you can take it. Over the music, he says, “I have a question.”
“Go on.” You raise your eyebrows prompting him to continue.
Alex only smirks and leans down, resting a hand on your hip as his lips brush your ear and asks, “Can I kiss you?”
The feelings both the proximity to him and the question stirs up in you isn’t unwelcome. The opposite even, but you’re just so shocked he’s asked when your friends are right there.
Kissing like teenagers and definitely not paying attention to the two of you or not, you can’t believe he’s asked when you’re barely a metre away from them.
Not wanting to say no, you bargain with, “If you dance with me?” instead of giving him what he wants on a silver platter.
You’re going to make him work for it. You don’t just sleep with anyone for the sake of it.
But before Alex can even respond, Jamie gets his attention over the music and you see him put two fingers to his lips and simulated smoking.
“Shame,” You lean up to Alex’s ear as you say that. “Maybe later.” You smirk, patting his chest before you grab your drink from him, followed by catching your best friend's hand and pulling her back to the dancefloor with you.
But it’s only about 10 minutes later when you and her find the boys in the smoking area and you tell Jamie that you think she needs some air. Katie almost decked it twice whilst you were dancing and once on the way outside so you think it’s best for her to slow down a bit before they go home,
And when you look at the happy couple, you can’t help but think Jamie will probably be worse for wear tomorrow too. Thank god it’s a Friday night and you know none of you have anywhere to be tomorrow morning.
You’re giggling with Katie as she leans against her husband and the wall one minute, but it’s when you tune out of their slurred conversation you hear your favourite song being played and you think fuck it as you disappear back inside. Once the music is loud again and you’re back in the middle of at least a hundred sweaty bodies, you let yourself loose to the music.
Despite no longer having your best friend to grind against, you let yourself have some fun. Something that if sober you saw, she would probably cringe from the way you’re moving but all your inhibitions are gone. You’re moving freely to the music and you feel fantastic.
You’re unsure how long passes before you feel a large hand hold your waist and a body pressed up behind you. But you don’t panic like you normally would, you let yourself enjoy the feeling of being held.
It’s only half way through the new song that you even turn to look at who it is, and when you do you can’t help but smile and lean back into him when you see it’s Alex. At this point, he looks about as drunk as you, if not more but you don’t hesitate to let your hips move as they were with him now pressed up against you.
You would think you were throwing caution to the wind if it wasn’t for the fact you know your friends are nowhere in sight. Alex wouldn’t be this obvious about it if they were.
With the way you’ve just started grinding against him, Alex can’t think very clearly. You know exactly what you’re doing, teasing him by rubbing your arse against him where his dick keeps twitching for you.
You absolutely love the way the singer can’t keep his hands off you. If you weren’t as drunk as you are you’re sure that you’d be judging yourself right now but feeling him holding you against him and the way you can feel his lips on your neck you let all your inhibitions go. You feel the best you have in a long time and you don’t want to let that feeling go.
So when you’re encouraged to turn towards him you don’t hesitate. You carry on dancing though, putting your arms above your head as you carry on moving to the music, but then you grin at him as he pulls you into his chest and you let your arms fall on his shoulders.
It feels hot as the both of you continue to move against each other but you feel out of breath when Alex dips his head and he starts kissing just below your ear. Letting one hand fall to the side of his neck, you encourage him to continue, leaning your head in the opposite direction so he can carry on his teasing.
But there’s only so much you can take, you need more. So you pull back a bit so he moves and looks at you again, but as soon as you do you lean in and kiss him.
And this time it's like your body sets on fire, goosebumps erupt all over from the intensity of it and you want to savour every second of it. Alex pulls you into him, both his arms wrap tightly around your lower back so you can’t escape him, but you don’t want to. You want nothing more than his lips against your own now and for the rest of the night.
So much so that you don’t hesitate for a single second when Alex deepens the kiss. You welcome it in fact. It feels like its suddenly just the two of you, neither of you care that your surrounded by dozens of bodies, all you can think about is each other and how fucking good it feels to be pressed against each other.
You feel dizzy and breathless the more you kiss him which leads you to pull away for just a second, Alex stays close though and you can feel him smiling against your lips which has you doing the same. The haziness that the alcohol has made you so much more relaxed about it all, and you even find that you love the way your heart is beating out of your chest in reaction to all of it.
On the dancefloor, you kiss for a minute more until Alex ends up making you moan from the way his hand ends up sliding down and grabbing a handful of your arse. It’s at that point he pulls you away from the crowded floor and down what looks to be a corridor that leads to a staff room.
He stops you in the middle of the dark walkway but there’s enough light to see that you're grinning at each other as he backs you up into the wall and dips his head to kiss you again. It gets intense faster this time, as there’s no need to ease into it. Sparks are flying and you feel like you could combust at any second.
It feels instinctive this time and the way Alex holds you, his hand coming up to grab your jaw to make sure you don’t move from how he wants you is getting you more flustered than you were before.
When you need to part, you end up tuning in to your surroundings again, over the sound of your own heartbeat you can still hear the loud music playing in the other room and feel the bass vibrating through the wall you're pressed against. But that doesn’t mean you don’t love the way Alex is kissing your neck, his lips are so precise with what he’s doing that you can’t help but want him to continue.
However, that doesn’t mean the situation doesn’t make the anxiety spike in you once more. All of the thoughts about Katie and Jamie and the risk of them catching you or what the prospect of a night with Alex could mean come flooding back to your drunk mind, and it scares you enough to ask the man whose lips are still on your skin a question.
“If you take me home, will we talk in the morning?” You ask, revelling in the feeling of his lips on your neck. You close your eyes in complete bliss when you continue, “Or is this going to go weird for everyone involved?”
At this point you don’t really care for an answer though. You want him to keep going. You want his hands all over you. But you know that you’d regret not asking.
You feel dizzy kissing him, and you’re only sure that it's real when your eyes open for a split second where you make his face out. Lust is clear in his eyes as he attaches his lips back to yours and you can’t mute the moan that vibrates from your tongue to his.
“Promise it won’t be weird, sweet. I just want you so badly.” He almost groans before his lips attack yours again and that's enough for you for now.
You kiss him with no inhibitions on your end then, you wrap your arms around the back of his neck, forcing him into keeping the kiss going. The thud of your heartbeat is the only thing you can hear and it makes you a little gutted that you don’t get to hear the moan that you drag from Alex’s lips, even if it was silenced against your own.
Feeling like a teenager in a club again is not something Alex has felt in a long time, so maybe that’s why he lets the both of you get a little too carried away. But he can’t stop himself, you’re just so enticing. If you would let him he would probably take you here and now after you start grinding your hips against his when his leg slips between yours to keep you pressed against the wall.
By the time you pull back from the kiss, you want more than just his hands on you though. You want more than just him kissing you, and that yet again brings back one last seed of doubt into your mind. And your nervousness makes you voice it.
Your breath is ragged when you pull back and express your last worry to him, “I don’t usually do this kind of thing, Alex.”
“That's okay,” Alex promises, kissing your lips hard again once more before pulling back to ask, “Are you up for just enjoying tonight and thinking about tomorrow when it arrives?”
“Or do you want to stop?” He cups your face and looks into your eyes to tell you sincerely, “We can stop if you want to.”
You can tell just by the way he’s looking at you that he’s serious. That he won’t pressure you if you don't want this, but that alone settles your worries. You trust him enough to know that he won’t be a dickhead if you let him take you home.
You shake your head, as that’s the last thing you want, “I don’t want to stop.” before you lean back up to kiss him again.
One kiss turns into two, and two turns into three and throughout all of them you can feel Alex’s smile against your lips. So there’s no surprise that he’s grinning when he pleads, “Then let me take you home, sweet.”
And this time, you don’t hesitate to say, “Okay.”
After that Alex books an uber, probably the fastest he ever has. But the both of you stay tucked away in your private spot, stealing kisses and making each other breathless until Alex gets the notification the taxi is only a minute away.
There’s an excited anticipation to how you both interact with each other on the way down to the taxi and the way you both rush to it is enough of a give away of that. But as you set off, it turns out that it’s a good thing you did both rush in because when Alex goes to put his phone on do not disturb he notices a missed call from Jamie and an unopened text.
Where have you gone? Is Y/N with you?
Alex decides to play with the truth a little in his reply. Nothing that would get either of you in the shit but the last thing he needs is you overthinking about Katie and Jamie when you were so clearly excited to be leaving with him.
Yeah sorry mate she was dancing and when we came down to find you and we assumed you’d gone because we couldn’t find you. In a taxi with her now.
You’re sitting in the middle seat, as Alex slid in the door you also entered in so you try and let your eyes focus on the words he’s typing one handed as the other runs up and down your thigh. He’s certainly the best tease you’ve encountered in a long while, and you’re focused solely on his touch and the way that once he’s done with the text he drops his phone to his lap and uses his free hand to tuck his finger under your jaw and angle you towards him so he could kiss you again.
It doesn’t get as intense as it did in the club, mostly your doing, for the sake of the driver. But Jamie doesn’t give either of you long anyway as Alex’s phone vibrates and lights up the back seats again
Thank god. Thanks for getting her home safe
Alex has never typed a reply faster.
No worries mate
And its then Alex flicks Do Not Disturb on, and he intends to have you as his sole focus for the rest of the night.
~*~*~*~
Katie was right, his orange settee is a complete and utter eyesore. And the fact that your head is a little fuzzy doesn’t help that too much, all you know is that one second you were stepping into his flat and looking around at his decor and the next your lips were on his again and you were being pressed up against the nearest wall.
It’s nothing that you don't want, because you do desperately want him now you’ve had the idea in your head all night. The more drinks you’ve had along with all the flirting has let your mind spin.
So much so that you moan when your back slams against the wall, and you eagerly respond to the way Alex kisses you. Your arms fly around his neck, keeping him close and with his hands grasping at your hips, it’s only a minute you’re like that because the next thing you know Alex has encouraged you to jump up and wrap your legs around his hips and he presses you into the wall again, this time his hands groping your arse as he kisses you harder.
There’s absolutely nothing romantic about this. It’s just pure desire that's fuelled by alcohol and how horny the two of you clearly are. Which is why a minute later Alex walks you to his settee and eases you both down onto it.
Both of you are sprawled out across his hideous couch and you’re underneath him responding to his kisses and his touches in a way that fuels him to pull more noises from your mouth.
You can’t even make his fucking face out, you’re mind is so drunk from both the alcohol and the kisses you’re receiving. You want them to endlessly continue, you feel so good about every little touch he leaves on you. Thankfully you don’t need to see his face, you just keep your eyes closed and kiss him back.
The way he’s grinding your hips into yours has you breathless and your mind is spinning even more. But it’s the feelings he’s stirring up inside you now that have you wanting more.
The way he holds under your knee with his free hand and he teasingly rocks his hips into you has you whimpering in pleasure and he fucking loves the way you sound. The way your legs tighten around his waist is enough for him to know you want this, but he continues to tease you anyway.
His lips travel down your neck and he loves the way you're encouraging him, giving him more room and cupping the back of his neck to keep him against you. Not to mention the way you whine when you want him to kiss you again, and when he finally gives in to you he can’t help but tease. He bites your lip and he loves the way your eyes roll back because of it.
After you force him into kissing you hard again, it’s only when you’re breathless that Alex pulls back. But when he sees you blissed out underneath him, he only wants to bring you more pleasure and he’s craving more now he has you where he’s been dying for you.
“Can I taste you?” Alex asks in a husky voice.
If you were sober, that question would have your cheeks heating up, eyes scrunched shut, and you putting your hands over your face in an effort to hide away. So it’s very lucky you’re drunk, you just look at him and nod, “Please.”
He kisses you again then, but this time you feel his hand that had a tight grip of your thigh has moved to slide up your skirt. The way his fingertips trace the inside of your thigh making its way higher you feel your heart start beating faster.
It all but stops beating for a second when he traces over your underwear and he groans when he already feels how wet you are. You think he’s about to tease you for it but he can’t help himself any longer, he moves the material to the side and before you can even process it, his fingers push inside you.
The way you whine and moan almost makes Alex smirk against your lips. He knew you’d make the sweetest sounds for him and he’s proven right when he starts thrusting and curling his fingers inside you.
Your grip on his hair is almost distracting. But it’s that along with your moans and the way he feels you clench around his fingers drives him on.
Alex doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget the way your whole body seems to malfunction when his thumb starts to trace small circles on your clit. The noises you’re making are to die for and it has his dick growing harder with every second that passes.
He works you up, getting you breathless for him while you whine and moan beneath him. From the sounds you’re making he knows you’re getting close, and you have his dick twitching in his pants. But with the ache growing more intense but there’s no way he’s not making you cum at least once before he gets any pleasure himself.
However, to you it doesn’t seem like the case because one second your eyes are scrunched closed in bliss, and the next you’re whining and gasping disappointed because he’s not touching you anymore.
“Why’d you stop?” You whine, opening your eyes to see him smirking above you.
You’re about to ask why he’s being cruel and smirking at you but your complaints die on your tongue when you see him bring his fingers up to his mouth and he sucks on one of them. Your jaw falls and he makes you feel dizzy again when he groans in pleasure.
It makes you clench around nothing, aching for him even more. But your previous protest is lost in your mind as you try to commit this scene to memory. Alex however, answers your question without hesitation as he gives you his other finger that he’d yet to suck clean for you to do the job for him. And you do so without a complaint.
“Because you’re going to cum on my tongue first.” He tells you, loving seeing you desperate for him to do anything. Seeing you practically beg with your eyes is enough for him to carry on what he had planned.
He kisses you once he pulls his fingers away, and you can taste more of yourself on his lips. Before you even realise he’s kissing down your body and your breathlessly watching him descend. You shrill can’t really believe that this is how your night has turned out, but all anxieties tied with what this means have been thrown right out of the window. You’re loving every fucking second.
Your skirt might as well not be on at this point. He’s hitched it up enough that it's not even covering you anymore, and he moves himself further down the orange settee after hooking his fingers into your underwear and you lift your hips for him to pull them off. Alex has no shame in watching you and his eyes don’t even stray when he pockets the material.
He leaves hot kisses down your thigh before his head dips further and you feel him lick a bold strip up from your entrance to your clit. Your surprised moan makes him smirk but he can’t carry on teasing now he’s had his first taste, he buries his face into you and starts eating you out with little to no self control.
You encourage everything he’s doing with the moans that leave your mouth. His tongue showing your clit the attention it deserves has your hands rooting into his hair and tugging on it as encouragement.
The way he hums against you like he’s enjoying a meal makes you close your eyes, the vibration of it feeling too good. But when his mouth dips and his tongue is at your entrance and his nose rubs against your clit, you accidently rut against his face.
It makes him smirk but he doesn’t let up. Alex starts boldly fucking you with his tongue and he has to hold your hips down so he has you exactly where he wants you, in his control.
He can tell from the way you’re moaning to the way your legs begin to shake that you’re about to finish and it drives him on. Hearing you gasp his name and tug on his hair as he relentlessly fucks you with his tongue has him clouded by desire and he doesn’t let up for a single second.
It’s no surprise you orgasm in the next minute and he loves the way he makes your back arch off the settee as the pleasure takes over your body. It washes through your system in waves and he doesn’t let up until he feels you push him back slightly, clearly over-stimulated.
You’re gasping for breath when Alex moves backup, smirking as he says, “I knew you’d sound fucking amazing.” and he doesn’t hesitate for a second to kiss you properly again. It grounds you back to the moment and he makes your heart stutter all over again, you love kissing him, it’s certainly a fun way to pass the time.
As you’re getting off with him though, Alex presses himself back down between your legs. With him grinding against you, there’s no doubt he’s making a mess but the friction is so good on your over-stimulated self you don’t care, all you can do is release a few pleasured hums that he silences with his lips. But the singer can only take so much before he needs more.
Alex pulls away, feeling his dick throbbing in his pants, and asks, “Can I fuck you now?
“Yeah,” You nod, opening your eyes to plead, “Please.”
He leans down to press a long kiss to your lips before grinning, “Let’s go to my room then, sweet.”
The singer helps you up and on the short walk to his room there’s many a stolen kiss as you both begin shedding each other of clothes. Alex’s shirt was the first to go, you pushed it back over his shoulders and it hit his bedroom floor seconds after he closed the door.
Before it even hits the ground, Alex has managed to get your top off, and to be perfectly honest you’re glad to be rid of it now. He kisses you fiercely again as he undoes your bra, and he manages to find the zip of your skirt without pulling away and once that’s pooled by your feet, you’re left bare in front of him.
Something which Alex can’t stand an extra minute without taking a glimpse. When he pulls away he doesn’t shy away from looking at your body and it’s everything he’s dreamt of and more. He holds back a groan to tell you that, “You’re stunning.”
His gaze is too intense though. He didn’t even look you in your eye to tell you that, and it makes self consciousness slip back in. You begin to pick your arms up to at the very least cover your chest, but the singer catches you and stops you, “No,” He shakes his head, looking you in the eyes now, saying, “Don’t hide yourself away, you’re stunning.”
Somehow his hands manage to slip between your body and arms so when he pulls you back against him, you’re flush against his chest. He holds himself back from kissing you for just a second so he can swear, “I’m going to make you feel so good, I promise.”
Again, the way he says it and the look in his eye has you believing and trusting him. So much so that you’re the one that grabs his jaw and pulls him down into another kiss.
Making out with him becomes more than passionate again. It’s like something else takes over the both of you. It’s not pretty or sincere, it’s lustful and fierce and it sets your skin on fire. You end up on his bed, him purposely hovering over you so you’re getting no relief, but that at least meant you were able to unzip his trousers, but that has Alex reaching a whole new level of desperation.
“Turn over and get on your knees.” He instructs you, pushing himself back up off the bed as he quickly grabs himself a condom from his drawer.
You can feel yourself throbbing now, the ache between your legs getting more intense when you’re positioning yourself how he wants you. Thank fuck there’s alcohol stopping you from overthinking because there’s no way you could do this sober, the embarrassment would eat you alive.
The anticipation is killing you, and hearing his trousers fall to the ground, presumably his boxers along with it has you wanting to whimper. You can practically feel him behind you, and when you hear the condom wrapper tear and then Alex’s soft grunt as he rolls the latex on, it makes you clench around nothing again. You’re desperate now, your desire for him is getting out of hand.
“You sure you want this sweet?” Alex asks, pumping himself a couple of times as if he’s not painfully hard already.
“Please.” You beg him, whining a little in anticipation. It’s a little pathetic of you to admit but you can’t stop yourself from continuing, “I need you.”
You can practically hear his smirk, “Need me?”
“Yes.” You tell him, and so he doesn’t make you say again you just add, “Please.”
Something excites you at the fact you’ve not yet seen how big he is. You don’t know what to expect, all you have to go off is the way you felt him through his trousers and you don’t think you’re going to be disappointed.
Feeling his hand run down your spine, you expect him to gather your hair or something, seeming like the type to want to pull on it, but instead he eases your shoulders down so your chest is against the duvet and it's just your arse is in the air for him. Without another moment to leave you wondering, you feel him grab your hips one second and the next the tip of Alex’s cock nudges your entrance which makes you gasp. But it's when he pushes forward between your legs letting him graze your clit too that has you whining for more.
Alex smirks hearing you, absolutely loving that he is the one having you react like this. The it’s him who is the one making you this desperate. He’s wanted nothing more for months than to fuck you, and he lines himself up because can’t waste another second.
You moan loudly into his duvet as he enters you and fills you to the brim. The sensation is eye watering. He feels so good. You don’t know why you’d waited all night to get it, you should have accepted the offer before you ever left your house.
He’s so much bigger than you thought. It’s a lot to accommodate to after a long time without any action, but you don’t quite know how you’re going to survive it. You just try your best to take a few long deep breaths in hope that you’ll relax a bit more and Alex seems to notice because he asks, “You okay, sweet?”
“Yes.” You nod, but your voice comes out pathetically weak, so you repeat yourself saying louder, “Yeah.”
“Good.” Alex takes a nice firm grip of your hips then, and he tells you, “Let me hear them noises you make.”
He pulls out a little then and thrusts back into you making you want to whine against the bedding again. But you hold them in until you can’t anymore. He’s deliriously good, his actions, his rhythm, the way his fingers dig into your skin, it's all so much but you can’t get enough.
Once Alex finds his fast but steady pace, you can’t control any of your reactions. It’s too much for you to mute the gasps and whines he’s drawing from you and you must admit that you like that. You’re glad everything feels good enough that you don't have to fake anything. He pulls you against him with each thrust and it makes you whimper.
You're gripping the sheets so hard you feel like you could tear them. And you know his grip on your hips will no doubt leave a bruise or two, but he feels so fucking good you don’t care. The angle makes you feel him so deep and he’s hitting the right spot over and over again and it’s making you see stars.
You think you’re doing well at not being too vocal, mostly because you don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how good he is after being so cocky earlier. But then he opens his mouth and all of that goes out the window.
“Good girl.” He praises, squeezing your hips as he pulls you back to meet him that bit harder. He can’t help but watch as he disappears inside you over and over, and he groans at the sight and the feel of you, “Taking me so well Y/N.”
Unable to stop yourself, you moan loudly at that. And the sound itself had Alex following with a long, pleasured, “Fuck.”
“Harder, please.” You beg, knowing that a bit more pressure will have you finishing again sooner rather than later.
Alex doesn’t hesitate for a second, he does exactly what he’s asked and forces himself against you with that bit more intent and it has you clawing at the sheets. The noise of your skin connecting along with both of your moans is pornographic and it turns the both of you on even more.
Your skin has the fine shine of sweat coating it now, another tell tale sign that you’re getting closer to your climax. And with the way he keeps talking you up there’s no doubt that you think you’ll get there.
You bring your fingers up to your clit needing your release now and you groan, loving the way it’s adding to your pleasure. Alex, however, catches on and you only feel the bliss it brings you for a few seconds before it’s stolen from you.
Instead, you feel Alex pull your hand away and he secures it behind your back, holding it in place with his hand on your wrist.
Immediately, you beg, “No please. I-“
But Alex interrupts you, “I’ll make you cum, sweet, don’t worry. But I’ll be the one who decides when.”
“Fuck,” You scrunch your eyes tightly, the ache in your lower stomach and your throbbing clit is almost too much, “Alex, please.”
He can tell you're getting close, so he tells you, “Hold it.”
But that makes you beg even more, “Please I-“ but that has Alex wanting to edge you. He slows his thrusts right down almost to the point where he stops, “No! Don’t slow down.”
The singer takes no pity on you though, instead he leans down so his chest is against your back, enough for him to be able to whisper in your ear, “Don’t be greedy, you've already cum once.”
“But I- please Alex.” You whine, needing your release. You were so close and the now gentle slow thrusts have made it dissipate.
You want it to be back like it was, but Alex has other ideas. As he picks himself back up he warns you, “Take it or we stop.”
That makes you worse. You have to bury your head into the duvet for the minute he slows down. He’s loving dragging it out and teasing you, committing every moment to memory and he revels in it.
The way you’re mewling below him has him grinning, and he continues thrust slowly into you, he can’t help but tease, “Sound so needy for me now Y/N.”
It’s what he wants. He wants you desperate for him. So much that you’ll be happy with whatever it is he does give you, and the mere fact he’d brought you close once he knows it will make your orgasm all the more intense.
When he feels you getting more desperate and trying to back up into him, he gives in and asks, “What do you need, sweet?”
With half your face pressed into the bedding, you just about manage to get out, “You to fuck me harder.”
Alex squeezes your wrist that bit tighter to get you to continue, “And?”
“Play with my clit.” You beg pathetically but the singer doesn’t hesitate for a second.
With his free hand, he slides his hand over your thigh, between your legs once more and he finds your clit with ease. “Like this?” Alex cockily asks for confirmation, as if you aren’t already yelling out for him.
The way he starts fucking you hard again, each thrust hitting you exactly where you need him and that combined with him teasing your clit has you gasping for breath, “Oh fuck.”
It’s almost immediately that you feel your orgasm building again, this time so much more intensely. You can’t help but call his name as he ploughs into you over and over, “Alex!”
Clawing at the duvet isn't even working now. You’re being fucked so good it has you succumbing to every little desire and he keeps praising and saying filthy things to you as well which adds to everything tenfold.
“Can’t believe just how soaked you are for me.” Alex praises as he carries on stimulating your clit, feeling how drenched the tops of your thighs are from everything as well. He groans when he says, “Half want you to cum on my tongue again.”
“No, please,” You plead. You’re almost there now, you can’t have him changing things up again. You genuinely think you would cry if he did. “You feel good.”
“So do you.” Alex breathes heavily, punctuating each word with a thrust.
The volume in the room gets louder as your skin gets hotter. You can’t handle much more, you know you're almost there now and when Alex lets go of your wrist that he was still holding behind you back, and he reaches forward to grab your hair, wrapping it around his fist and using that as his leverage to pull you back into him. It has your back arching and your loud moan filling his bedroom.
“That’s it, sweet, can feel you’re close.” Alex praises, wanting you to give in now, “Let go for me.”
It only takes a few more thrusts from him until you’re seeing white and ecstasy takes over. You clench around him and Alex finds it difficult to fuck you through it, you feel so damn good and the sound of you reaching your climax has the singer finding his seconds later.
You’re not sure how long passes until you come back around. All you know is that when you finally do, your mouth is dry, your muscles ache and Alex’s grip on you is loosening. When he pulls out you whine and Alex utters a small apology, but you can’t bring yourself to move anywhere, you only do so when he goes to his ensuite to get rid of the condom.
When Alex wonders back into his bedroom, you’re just lying flat on his bed, still on your stomach. Now you’re just further up the bed and have your head on a pillow. He doesn’t blame you for resting, the whole thing took it out of him so he can imagine how much you’re aching.
Both of you are still out of breath when Alex lies himself down beside you, only he’s on his back and you’re still on your front. He can see that you have your eyes closed which he doesn’t exactly blame you for after that, but he also doesn’t want to call it a night just yet. Now he’s got a taste of you, he wants more.
“Are you alright, sweet?” Alex asks after about 5 minutes of you both catching your breaths.
You hum confirming you are, letting your lips twitch up a little before blinking your eyes open properly. He looks stupidly good, hair a little unruly and sweaty but also a little flushed and
Alex smiles a little, “You had fun?”
Despite having the best time with him, that embarasses you enough to not be able to verbally answer him. Instead you just nod into the pillow and give him a little hum again and you let your eyes fall closed again.
Sweet, is all Alex can think of the sight in front of him. You’re beyond sweet, it's almost sickly, he’s not used to it at all but because it’s you and you’ve been spiralling around his head for months he lets himself indulge.
After another minute of silently watching you, he almost chuckles when he points out, “This is the most quiet you've ever been.”
“Get out of my house right now.” You mumble into the pillow your face is squished against.
Alex laughs a little then, which you only realise why when he chuckles, “We came back to my flat.”
You open your eyes and look at him and his room around you and realise that you’re at a point now you’ve never been at before.
This gets your heart racing a little, what the fuck are you meant to do now? Do you awkwardly get yourself up and dressed to leave? Does he want you to stay? Do you just go to sleep now? You more than likely could as that was a workout in itself but does he want you to stay? But are you even supposed to stay?
You’re fairly certain that if it’s a one night thing you’re meant to leave? Hell, you even think that to maintain the boundary of friends or whatever the two of you are, once the benefits have ended, you’re meant to say thanks and bye and head your separate ways.
As you’re mulling all of this over, slowly getting more anxious about it, Alex feels like he can see the cogs turning in your head. You’re definitely overthinking something, probably having a hundred worries at once, so Alex opens his mouth ready to tell you to stop, but before he gets there, you ask him a question.
“So…” You feel so awkward asking, but you’d rather be told straight now than fumble over the predicament later, “Is this the part where you say it was a mistake and tell me to get out then?”
Alex almost laughs but he stops himself, before he shakes his head and tells you, “This is the part where you stop over-thinking and you let me make you cum again.”
Your eyes go a little wide at that. “You can go again that fast?”
The singer can’t help but chuckle at that being your initial reaction. He fucking loves the fact it wasn’t a rejection or a look of distaste on your face, just one of shock and curiosity.
“Can’t get enough of you, sweet.” Alex grins as he rolls onto his side so he can easily brush your hair behind your ear, before cupping the back of your neck. He whispers, “Come here” as he leans down and kisses you again.
And it was as easy as that for him to encourage you to ride his cock. Something which after you both got off with each other again, you definitely wanted just as much as him. You’re sure he’s not human because he keeps finding and unlocking all of these different things that you enjoy about being in bed with someone and he keeps using them to his full advantage.
Not that you’re complaining. You absolutely love it. And you can’t get enough of the feeling of his cock inside you.
Riding him feels different, and not in a bad way at all. You can still feel him just as deep inside you but it’s just a little more precise with where you want him. And god does he feel good.
One thing about it pissed you off though. You do all the work in the position and he’s just lying there, yes his hands are tight on your hips and you know you’re doing well because he’s moaning and groaning every time you roll your hips but you want more. You want him the way he was just before.
“Tell me I’m good.” You instruct with a pout, slowing down your movements just a little to give him more encouragement to do so.
However, this has him smirking, raising an eyebrow at you, “Oh, you want to be praised do you?”
He just knew that with the way you get anxious about things, you would definitely have a praise kink. And he can’t lie, he’s glad. He wants to see your reactions to his filthy compliments. Unfortunately for him though, you don’t see the amusing side.
“Just fucking talk to me like you did before Alex,” You snap almost because you didn’t even want to ask and you don’t want to be embarassed for asking when he should just act how he did before, “It’s fucking shit when the other person is silent.”
“Okay sweet, calm down.” Alex wants to laugh but he knows you’ll lose your temper at him if he does, so he does as he’s told, “Come on then, show me how good you can be for me.”
It has your hips moving as they just were again and Alex lets every little sound out of his mouth to try and encourage you. But when you start bouncing on his cock more he can’t help but praise you, whether you instructed him to or not, “You take me so well Y/N/N.”
You whimper at that, because you really fucking are. He’s big and you can feel him stretching you open every time you move, but it’s so much better than the last sexual experience you had however long ago now. You want exactly what he made you feel earlier and that only makes the urge you to carry on even stronger.
Alex can’t help but love the way you’re clawing at his lower stomach as you use him as leverage to move. You look so fucking good bouncing on his cock, your tits moving in time with you and the way your jaw falls open each time you bottom out on his has the singer wanting to bite on your swollen, wet lips even harder.
“Look at you go.” Alex grins, enjoying the feeling and sight of all at once, it makes it even harder to not burst into the condom there and then. He groans as he watches you roll and grind your hips on him before picking yourself back up and slamming your hips down again to meet his. “Riding me so good,” Alex groans loudly before adding, “Like you’ve been doing it for years.”
The praise almost makes shivers run down your spine, going directly to your core making you clench around him as you continue. His words light a familiar fire in you that's been dormant for a long time, to do better, to make him feel good - you’re certain you can get more out of him. Using your pelvic floor to your advantage, you clench tightly around him, making his eyes go wide and his grip tighten on your hips.
All you want is for him to think about you. You want to be good for him after he’s been so good to you, giving you two orgasms already. But you need to make sure you’re not easily forgettable, you want him to continue wanting you how he seemed to want you in the club. You want him to beg for you to be like this.
You love having him beneath you, entirely at your mercy with you controlling how it goes. The pleasure is too good to want to stop but you’re sure if you did you would hear pretty pleas and groans come from those swollen lips of his, begging for you to carry on. You haven’t felt this good in a long time, you’re soaking up the way the praise fuels your ego and makes you so much more confident.
This is how you want him to see you, not a nervous wreck every time he chats to you. If this is just for one night, you want him to remember you as the woman who made him lose his mind with want. The woman who gave him a good show that he will be thinking about for months and every time he sees you again.
The way Alex’s jaw drops and the groans he lets out as you ride him confidently makes you get into it more. You’re getting off at the sight and sound of him getting pleasure from you and it only makes you more sure of yourself. Especially when he starts losing his words over you.
“Oh fuck- sweet,” Alex groans loudly and breathlessly, “Fucking hell- fuck Y/N.”
Hearing him say your name like that, all whiney and desperate, feels like something you should be allowed to listen to on repeat in times of need just like this. You would love to see him like this all the time.
Rolling your hips with even more intent, you clench around him that bit tighter, enough for Alex to gasp and dig his nails into your skin, “Trying to make me cum, aren’t you?” He asks breathlessly, and when you just smirk down at him that bit breathless yourself, he can’t help but buck his hips up into yours as he tells you, “You feel so good Y/N/N.”
It goes on for another few minutes, Alex entirely spellbound watching you bounce on his cock, your tits almost begging to have his mouth on them as you tease them yourself, but he can only focus on clawing at your thighs and hips to make sure he doesn’t finish before you do. You’re worked up, Alex could see every single stage it progressed and how you got more confident in yourself when he started praising you, and he won’t stop, he just knows you’re growing tired.
“You getting tired, sweet?” Alex asks, not patronisingly at all, he just wants you to be honest.
You nod defeatedly, clearly not wanting to admit it even to yourself but definitely not to him. If he hadn’t already given you two orgasms, you’d have no trouble getting him and yourself off like this, but he’s made your legs weak one too many times already. There's only so much you can do and Alex knows you’ve definitely been trying to focus on his pleasure more than your own. So Alex decides to change that.
“Get yourself off, don’t worry about me. Focus on you.” Alex tells you as he grabs your hips, his thumbs pressing into where your hip meets your thigh, and pulls them down to solely grind against his own.
Your jaw falls open when he helps pull your hips forwards and your clit gets the attention it deserves. You close your eyes and moan at the sweet friction and the pleasure it builds inside you and lean forward even more, your hands resting over his heart to keep yourself up now and you can faintly feel the rhythmic beat under your palms.
“Just like that,” Alex smiles, his hands grasping your hips tightly to encourage you even more, “Good girl.”
You rock your hips against his over and over so your clit constantly hits his pubic bone and your jaw keeps dropping from the sheer intensity the pleasure is building with. White heat begins to pool at the bottom of your stomach and it grows with each passing second. You want more though, you need more of the man beneath you, so you put him to work.
Picking one of your hands up off his chest, you grab his wrist and demand, “Give me your hand.”
Alex doesn’t hesitate to let go of your hip and let you have control of him for a second, he must admit he’s a little curious what you were after. Surprise is not something the singer experiences often anymore, but when you move his hand up to wrap around your throat, Alex almost loses his composure because he’s so shocked.
“Oh,” The ‘fuck’ that Alex wanted to say he keeps to himself, and instead he teases, “You're not as innocent as you make out to be, sweet.”
Your eyes are dark as you backchat, “Never claimed I was anywhere near.”
It makes Alex tighten his grip on your neck, enough to have you moan and he feels the vibrations of it beneath his palm. It only spurs you on, grinding your hips against his with even more intent and it gets you so worked up you end up moaning loudly with every movement of your hips.
Alex fucking loves watching you get off and it’s him that’s the cause of your pleasure. He can feel you clenching and throbbing around him so he knows you’re getting closer to your high, and despite not feeling direct pleasure from you grinding your hips into him, the sight of you getting yourself off with his hand wrapped around your throat and you rutting against him could make him cum any second. You’re so fucking hot, it takes everything he has not to flip you over and fuck you until he’d be certain you couldn’t walk tomorrow.
Despite loving your pornographic cries, Alex moves his hand from around your neck and he traces your lips with his thumb before demanding, “Suck it, sweet.”
You do as you’re told, parting your lips and dipping your head so you take his thumb into your mouth and you suck on it. He presses down on your tongue enough to have your moans muted and he smirks when he teases, “Gotta keep that mouth of yours occupied so you don’t wake the neighbours.”
In another moment, you probably would have wanted to curl up into a ball and die at the thought of anyone but him hearing you and you probably would have scorned him for making you paranoid about it. But before your brain could even get there, the singer fucks up into you causing you to release long pleasure filled whines.
It goes on for another minute, and Alex knows you’re getting close, he can feel it and he can see the way the ecstasy inducing actions have you looking almost drunk. He’s going to make you cum a third time, and he’s very aware of it.
“You close?” He asks, not even needing a response because he knows you are.
Despite that, you nod confirming it for him, and he knows your answer before he even asks, “Need me to fuck you hard again, sweet?”
You whine and pull away from his thumb to say, “Please.”
“I got you, Y/N/N.” Alex promises as he lets his thumb trace your swollen lips before he drops his hand so his thumb can tease your clit.
“Shit Alex.” You gasp, needing that direct stimulation even more and it has you trying to bounce on his cock again.
You’re whiny and begging with everything you have other than your voice but you can’t stop, you’re so close, you just need that little bit more. You grab his wrist so he has to continue but your legs fail you miserably. You look to the man below you, those lust filled brown eyes meeting yours and you barely even have a chance to get out, “Al, please.” before he’s on the case.
In a swift movement, he rolls the both of you over, so your back is on the bed and he’s hovering above you. He quickly kisses you, just a quick intense one before pulling away, biting your lip as he does, and he asks, “You gunna cum on my cock, sweet?”
Nodding, you beg, “Please.”
Your nails are already digging into his shoulder blades and he feels them scratch down his back when he starts fucking into you with no remorse. His hips hit yours over and over and it makes pleasure burn through you. It’s constant, steady, endless and you only stay grounded when your fingers root through his hair and grasp it tightly when he kisses your neck.
His lips stay there, barely breaking contact from your skin even when he continues to praise you and tell you just how good you’re doing for him. But you lose your mind when he trails his hand down to your thigh and grabs it and pushes it higher, so he can fuck you deeper. It makes your world stop.
You don’t know what words fall from your lips as your orgasm finally hits you. All you know is that you’re loud and your body feels like it’s been electrified. White heat shoots through you and your nails scratch their way down his back and your other hand pulls harshly on his hair.
Alex is certain he’ll never forget the moment he made you cum for the third time. The way you scream his name, clench around him, and your nails dig into his skin is something he’ll remember forever. He’s obsessed with the way you lose yourself entirely, and after fucking into you a few more times he finishes himself and it’s the sweetest relief Alex thinks he’s maybe ever experienced.
The singer lifts his head, and you see that he looks all fucked out above you, and you’re certain you look the same. Alex can’t help but think you look so fucking stunning, all distant and dizzy and he will certainly take pride that he is the reason you’re so overwhelmed with pleasure. He’s so glad you agreed he could take you home.
Oh, what a night.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 
A/N: Well then... Really hope you enjoyed part 2! Let me know what you fancy seeing happen in part 3, I have ideas but I'm curious where you all reading want it to go! Please let me know what you thought of this part, and I will get on with writing part 3 for you. Whilst you wait, please check out another AMAZING Alex fic called Constant Repeat by @alovesreading you’ll love it I have no doubt! And thank you again for reading x
Taglist: @alovesreading @kennedy-brooke @red---moon @ladydraculasthings @mrsschw4rtz @quicksilvers3000 @indierockgirrl @heartachenurse @bellaturner @am-monkey @alexturnersmommy @anxiousbeech @cassettecarter @malina-33 @yourorganiccigarette @clownrrai @harleyql @jeonxjinxed @andrews-lovr @justacaliforniandreamer @missbabyjay @hdebay @mirrorbvii​ @olliemybeloved777 @kaybee87​ @simpfortoomanymen​ @inmyownfantasywrld​ @ohladymoon​ @findmeincorneliastreet​ @faveficz​ @parkerizzy​ @thereisaplaceintheheart​ @hazskillerqueen​ @bai-wuxiangs-mask​
 Let me know if you want to be added to the Taglist x
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updownlately · 10 months
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you said, ‘forever’ (and i almost bought it)
| steph catley x reader | angst | 0.9k | a/n: okay so i feel like i need to put the warning that this is purely fiction here. i've got nothing against any of the people mentioned in this fic lol. in fact i love them all. but anyways, i read @reminiscingtonight's fic australia a few days ago and it just hasn't left my mind (it's a masterpiece if you ask me). and so it prompted this idea :) hopefully this is decent bc i wrote it all at 3am but yeah, happy reading amigos! 🫶
~~~
You don’t know why you did this to yourself. 
You really don’t.
All you know is that your stomach’s dropping six feet under and you have no one but yourself to blame.
Oddly enough, you shouldn’t even be feeling this.
You shouldn’t be feeling your heart break into two, chest tightening impossibly as your stomach knots and your throat closes up. 
The team’s just won the derby and you should feel elated. You should be celebrating like a maniac, probably joining Katie and Beth as they run around the field celebrating with the crowd. 
You should be joining Kyra as she goes around and sprays people with her water bottle.
You should be doing the victory lap with Viv and Cloe.
What you shouldn’t be doing is just looking towards the crowd by the bench- the friends and family section. 
You shouldn’t be staring at Steph, your hands pressed tightly to your sides in a somewhat successful attempt to hide how much they’re shaking.
You also probably shouldn’t be swallowing hard, your breath shaky as thoughts of what if run endlessly through your mind.
You want to tear your eyes away, forget the way she immediately ran to the stands to wrap her arms around someone that wasn’t you.
You want to ignore the way her hold around him is so easy, so fitting, like it was meant to be.
You desperately want to forget that she ever existed to you as anything more than a teammate
But you can’t find it in yourself to, instead choosing to let yourself suffer, lump in your throat getting bigger with each passing second.
You hate that it’s those three words that come to your mind when you see them together - ‘meant to be’- the words like poison on your tongue.
Jaw clenching as you feel your eyes burn, cheeks colouring as you anger begins to course through you, you will yourself to look away, head turning to the side as you try and focus on Victoria chasing Kyra around with her own bottle
The image of her in another’s embrace is seared into your mind though, haunting you even as you’re turned away.
There’s still a bitter taste in your mouth.
You know it’s childish, but you hate that the three words are being used for someone that isn’t you and her. 
You hate that it’s what your mind went to.
It used to be you. 
You two were meant to be. 
It’s what she said to you years ago, when the two of you were lying in your shared bedroom back in Portland. 
Back when the world felt right, with her in your arms, her little huffs of laughter at your stupid jokes filling the otherwise silent night. 
Back when love felt right- when it felt like a hug, a warm blanket tucking you in, like the warm sunshine on a cold winter night.
When love felt anything but like this- like the taste of blood from the way you were biting your cheek in an attempt to distract yourself from the cruel pain in your chest. 
Like anything but the feeling of your nails digging into your palm as you tried to direct your focus to the pitch, to the fans, to the team- anywhere really- anywhere but towards the blonde you once called yours. 
You two were meant to be, she’d said. 
Whispered into the inches of space between you as she’d looked in your eyes, moonlight making her look more angelic than ever, her hands intertwining with yours as she’d tucked herself into your side.
She’d promised you forever that night, a gentle kiss sealing the words.
‘Whatever happens, it’s you and me.’
All that only to go and break your heart months later, Arsenal contract signed easily, a shitty letter apologizing for leaving- a letter you now kept shoved in a cardboard box in the back of your closet, along with all of the other mementos from your three years together.
You two were forever, she’d sworn.
And yet, here you were, head thrown back, eyes pointing at the sky as you willed for the tears in your eyes to not fall. 
Shaking your head as you took a shuddering breath, you brought the bottom hem of your jersey to cover your face, covertly wiping the single tear that escaped you.
How was it that you’d won today and yet somehow all that you could feel was the sickening feeling of your stomach turning? 
How was it that all you could think about was what you used to have, mind wrapping around the fact that at the end of the day, win or lose against the blues, you’d already lost something greater than any derby would ever be.
Running a hand over your face, you did your best to plaster a fake smile on your face, betraying the way you wanted to curl up into a ball and just comfort your shattered heart. 
Swallowing your emotions down, you put your absolute focus on making sure you didn’t look behind you- didn’t let your heart break again.
Instead, walking up to Lia and Noelle, you let yourself fall into step with them as pieces of your broken heart trailed behind you on the pitch. 
‘Maybe’, you concluded bitterly, ‘maybe this ‘falling in love’ thing just wasn’t meant for you.’
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wosowrites · 1 year
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Kids and Katie (Katie Mccabe x Reader)
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warnings: mentions of su1c1de, slight smut
a/n: longest fic i’ve written in a while and it’s based off this request here
prompt: Katie’s and you are out on short term injury so you bring Katie’s godchildren to watch the game together.
When katie twisted her ankle, she got ruled out for a month. She was pissed, but secretly a little grateful. In all honesty, she needed the break. Her friends and her godchildren were set to be in town for a week and she had been worried about not spending enough time with them due to training and games. As her best friend, you had been in charge of telling her she was a great god parent and that her friends and their kids would come to the arsenal games and that she would spend the perfect amount of time with them. But then she got injured and she was off the hook. For you though, playing without Katie felt weird. You would scan the field for her because you knew she was somehow always open and then you would remember that she was injured. That didn’t last long though, as in a game vs Reading where you were winning 5-0, their keeper got angry and scared as you started sprinting towards her with the ball on a breakaway. Katie, of course, was sitting in the stands and saw the whole thing go down. She saw their keeper run out of her box and body slam you, sending you flying backwards, body crashing into the turf and head smacking against the ground. You didn’t move for a solid ten minutes, your head throbbing horrifically and realizing that you had been knocked out.
But eventually you got up and got stretched off the field. It was nothing but a nasty concussion but that did lead you to be sitting in the stands watching Arsenal take on another opponent. Only this time, you had two boys and a girl with you. You had told Katie’s friends that they should walk around the city without their kids for a bit, and had taken the responsibility to babysit Katie’s godchildren for the day.
So, you entered the stadium through the players entrance, Katie holding the hands of the two older boys, and you carrying ten month old Aya in your arms. You specifically made it clear to the Arsenal media and photographers to not take any pictures of the kids faces, and they of course, agreed. Although you and the kids parents knew that bringing them to the stadium meant that pictures of you and their kids would be taken, they didn't seem to mind, but you did.
"Who are these little munchkins?" Leah said as she walked up to you and Katie, smiling at the two boys and the heading over to the little baby girl you were holding. "That's Aya and this is Liam and Will," Katie said, pointing to each of the kids, "they're my godchildren," she added. "Someone trusted you with their kids if they-" Viv made a quick signal of slitting her throat with her thumb, "-D-I-E" she added. "Oh shut up Vivianne!" Beth said, shoving her and smiling at Katie. "Katie would be a great mother," she said, trying to reassure the Irishwoman. "You know who else would be a great mother? Y/n." Viv added, winking before walking away. You were left blushing furiously. trying to hide your face with Aya as Beth apologized for her girlfriends behaviour. "She's not wrong though," Katie said as you made your way up the stairs of the stadium to sit at the top, hopefully away from watchful eyes. "Not wrong about what?" you asked, looking at Katie as she stopped walking up the stairs.
"You would be a good mum."
She left it there, the boys tugging on her arm and rushing her to hurry up the stairs.
You sat in your seat beside Katie, your heart pounding.
Maybe a little context was necessary.
Three months ago, you did something you never ever did, you got blackout drunk. Your sister had just committed after fighting a silent battle with mental health for years. It took you about three days to fully process that your sister was gone. She had attempted when you were 13, and again when you were 17, but you had always found her and always watched out for her. You felt as though you had failed her.
So you got drunk, super drunk. So drunk that Viv and Beth, who lived in the apartment down the hall from you got woken up by the sound of an extremely loud crashing sound. The sound in question was you breaking your glass coffee table. They had rushed over, found you lying on the couch, sobbing and bloody from the cuts the glass had given you. And in the fit of mumbling and crying, you said something about Katie. They told you the next morning that your exact words had been. "How is she so blind. I've liked Katie for two years. You guys see that, right?"
So now they knew your secret, they knew about your soft, very soft spot for the Irishwoman, and you didn't know what to do about it. And maybe it shouldn't have, but seeing how well she sealed with kids turned you on more than you could ever have admitted.
But you focused on the game. No way you could sit there, thinking things about Katie with her godchildren around. You weren't that delusional... right? Right.
Aya had soundproof headphones over her ears and she was an all around angel. The twins, however, were a bit much. Will wanted to run around and Liam just wanted to do whatever Will was doing, so the mix was not good.
In the 20th minute, Arsenal scored and the stadium went insane, which made the twins freak out. "Beth! Can you please take Aya till we get the twins to calm down because they're driving Katie insane and-" you started saying, turning to Beth who was beside you. "Yeah, yeah hand her over," Beth said quickly as she took Aya who was just chilling. You thanked her and rushed over to Will who had escaped Katie. Liam was tucked away soundly under Katie's arm, the woman unbothered by the boys kicking.
You were quick, and smart, it was a combination Katie liked about you. So it wasn't hard for you to hop over the last row of chairs and snatch Will.
"William O'Sullivan. If you calm down right now I'll give you ten bucks, a freezie and I'll let you play punching bag with Katie," you whispered in his ear, all while Katie watched you. You moved to look into his eyes. "Okay. Deal. But first you gotta kiss Katie first because mum and dad say that you two are lovers who don't know it yet and mum and dad kiss all the time and they love each other so..."
You almost choked at the little boy's words, shock growing on your face. It took you a hot second to recover from the ambush, a second in witch you looked over at the Irishwoman, who gave you a raised eyebrow before looking back at the boy. "Freezie, 10 bucks, Katie punching bag or time out," you repeated, adding the threat of a punishment. "Fine!" You grabbed his hand gently and walked him over to your seats. "Okay, we're good." you told Katie. "She wants to kiss you," Will said.
"WILLIAM!" you screeched. "Sit down right now," you said, your heart pounding.
You didn’t feel well. You were getting major flashbacks of getting outed in tenth grade. You felt sick to the stomach and when William sat down, you pushed your way passed Katie and down the stairs, away from them.
Katie watched you rush off, concern on her face, and although she was annoyed with William, he was just a kid, he didn’t know any better. "William, you can’t do that. You can’t say things like that," Katie said, disciplining him lightly. "Did I make her mad?" he said quietly. Katie smiled at him softly, brining out a side of herself she never showed. "A bit. I’ll go talk to her. Stay with Beth and Viv?" she said, addressing the ACL duo. "How did supporting our club turn into a babysitting gig?" Viv groaned as Will and Liam got settled in Viviannes lap. "I’m sorry i’ll be right back," Katie said, rushing after you.
You had a key card to the door leading to a hall leading to stairs leading to the locker rooms, so that’s where you went. You knew Katie had one too, but what you didn’t know is that she watched you. She noticed that every time you felt nervous before a game, Leah would let you sit at her cubby. You were always at Leah’s cubby, maybe because she radiated comfort. Not as much comfort as Katie did but you were scared of letting drop any indicator about your feelings for the irishwoman.
To be completely honest, there were at least thirty people who watched Katie rush after you, but for once, she didn’t care about who watched her. She just cared about getting to you. And she did.
The irishwoman opened the door leading to the changing rooms with her key card and slipped into the tunnels, making sure the door was well and locked behind her. When she was convinced it was, she turned and started hurrying towards the Arsenal changing room.
Katie opened the door swiftly and as expected, you were sitting at Leah’s cubby. You lifted your head to look at her briefly before looking back down to the floor. "Katie…" you said, exhaling in slight annoyance.
"No, please don’t Katie me. Just- what did he mean?" Katie asked, sitting across from you.
You took it as a sign that she was annoyed with you, in reality it was simply because if she sat too close, god knows where her hands would go. Under your shirt was the most likely scenario.
"You mean what did the unhinged 6 year old who I love very much but let’s be honest, causes nothing but trouble, mean when he said that I wanted to kiss you?" you asked, sitting up straight and then leaning back against the wall. "That’s exactly what I mean," Katie said softly, looking at you through her eyelashes.
You held her look for a while. You didn’t recognize Katie right now. Katie was fierce. She took things into her own hands, always. If she wanted to kiss you as well, she would be straddling you in the changing room right now.
Katie didn’t recognize you at all. You were being directed, holding eye contact and speaking clearly instead of your usual nervous reck and blushed sentences. But she wanted to respect you. If she could take her things into her own hands, she would be on top of you right then and there.
"What did he mean, y/n?" Katie asked again.
"I don’t even know! I don’t know where he got that from but- but he’s not wrong, Katie. He’s not wrong," you let out.
Katie had never been frozen before. No one had ever said something to her that took her so off guard that she just… stopped.
"Jesus just say you don’t like me back instead of watching me like a deer in front of headlights it’s humiliating," you groaned, standing up and heading towards the door.
You weren’t able to take five steps before hands wandered your waist, first softly and then harshly.
Katie pushed you up against the wall, only slightly taller than you, and attacked your lips almost violently.
It was all you had ever wanted. You let your hands roam her toned stomach as she did the same to you, your lips a tangled mess, your teeth clashing and your tongues fighting for who would come out on top.
You moaned into her mouth when her hand cupped your pussy but you quickly had to push her off.
"The kids. Emilie and Clark would murder us we need to get back to them. Like right now," you said, grabbing her hand and opening the door. She groaned almost hungrily but obeyed and followed you out.
You rushed back up to the spot the kids, Viv and Beth were sitting at, feeling guilty for leaving them.
Once you got up there, you smiled at Viv and Beth who looked a little all too knowing and took back Aya as Katie handled Will and Liam who had calmed down significantly.
Arsenal won 4-1 versus Everton, and then you all went down to the pitch. You handed Aya over to Viv who had funnily taken a liking for the dutch, and then picked up Liam and placed him on the field. He quickly went running around and you smiled, watching him run after his brother.
Katie stood beside you, only inches between you both. She was trying hard not to lace her hand around your waist and you could see that so you gently stepped to the side, trying to make her life easier.
After congratulating the team on the win and a lot of feelings of fomo from not being on the pitch, you gathered up the twins and Aya and headed out to your car. The kids were tired and slept the whole ride back to Katie’s apartment, and you and the irishwoman didn’t talk much either. You didn’t know what to say.
So, you pulled up to the apartment complex where Emilie and Clark were waiting for you guys and let them take their kids.
"Thank you so much, you have no clue how nice it was to just be alone for a bit," Emilie said, hugging you and then Katie. "Nah we get it. No worries. The offer is still up if you want to ditch the hotel and stay at the apartment," Katie said.
Emilie looked between both of you and smiled slightly. "Thank you… but you two clearly have something to talk about," the mother said.
You blushed and said goodbye to her before heading up to Katie’s apparement.
She unlocked the door and you sat on the marble counter. Katie gently came towards you, placing her hands on your knees and spreading your legs apart to stand between them.
"Can I be your girlfriend? I want to be yours," Katie said.
You smiled widely, looking down at her and cupping her face. You placed a soft kiss on her forehead and then her nose. "Yes, you can be my girlfriend."
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604to647 · 10 months
Text
Safest with You - Ch. 3 (The Drycleaner)
3.2K / Modern AU Retired Mob Enforcer!Din Djarin x fem!reader
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Summary: You listen to a sign from the universe and it leads you to Din.
Warnings: Some pining and then more fluff 💕 although Reader is a bit of menace as she straight up ogles Din like a piece of meat 😂, brief mention of female masturbation, reader is described as shorter than Din, first use of pet name “Pretty Bird”.
A/N: The series is slow but sometimes falling in love be like that. I pinned a series masterlist, so you can always jump to the smutty one shots that happen later in the timeline when these two are in an established relationship if you need a fix. The fact that Din boxes is 100% attributed to @djarinsbeskar's Boxer!Din AU which was the very first Din fic AU I ever read on Tumblr and remains one of my favourites and one I revisit often; making Din a former boxer/owner of a boxing gym is my small but humble homage to Rachel's genius. Also from that same AU is this piece of art from one of my favourite artists, @kate-komics that I think about often also. Thank you both for the inspiration!
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“He bought you books?!?”
“Well, technically, he bought us all books.”
The whole table laughs; your friends were delighted when you handed out the books, but they’re entralled at the background story that comes with.
“And he didn’t leave you his number or anything?”
“No! Told the cashier he didn’t want to want me to feel ‘obligated’.”
“It’s okay, babe.  We’ll find him,” nods Katie, whipping out her phone. 
Bea starts typing on her phone as well, “Right.  He said his name is Din?  How do you spell that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is it short for something?”
“I don’t know.”
“How old is he?”
“I don’t know.  40s?  He’s greying,” you picture Din’s soft curls and bury your face in your hands, “it looks so fucking good on him.” 
“Where does he work?”
“I don’t know.  Not downtown.”
“Well, what does he do?”
“I don’t know.”
“Babe. What do you know?”
“I know his coffee order is Ice Quad Expresso in a Venti cup with extra ice and six shots.”
“Ok, so we know he probably has a heart condition.”
Everyone bursts out laughing.  Your friends have good reason to be so enthusiastic – it’s been ages since someone has caught your eye.  You don’t date a lot, and that’s always been your preference.  You have a picky temperament to begin with, but the truth is, you’re happy and at peace with the way your life is now after years of hard work.  There simply hasn’t been room or a need for a partner, and your friends don’t push you to date (except Jen who always reminds you that there’s a guy at her firm she wants to set you up with, but even that’s more in good fun than anything).  But right now, you look flushed and besotted over this stranger; positively smitten.  They love it for you.
After a few minutes, no one has found anything on social media, any dating apps or Google – admittedly, there wasn’t much (anything?) to go on, but you’ve seen these girls work internet detective miracles before.
Oh well. 
You sigh, “I need to get drunk and forget him.  Or painfully obsess over every detail I can remember.”
And you all cheers to that.
---
Huh.
A week later on the Saturday, you’re out running errands, and you find yourself standing in front of your drycleaner which has unexpectedly closed.  A handwritten sign in the window reads: “Emergency Closure.  Reopening to be announced.”
The drycleaner’s is supposed to be your first stop of the day and you don’t really feel like carting your dirty clothes with you to run the rest of your errands.  Moreover, you’ll need a few of the items in the coming weeks.  You take out your phone to look up other drycleaners in the area when something in your mind clicks: Peli’s Drycleaning on 14th.  You search it and see it actually exists, and has a pretty good rating to boot.  But, it’s sort of out of your way, not really in the same area you’re in at all.
You shouldn’t go.
Should you go?
And what if you do?  Do you… ask about Din?  That’s weird. 
But you’ve been thinking about him non-stop all week: daydreaming about his soft smile during your work commute, remembering the flex of his strong hand covering yours as you answer emails, getting lost in thoughts of his big brown eyes while out walking the dog.  You flush at the memory of touching yourself in bed while recalling his deep and rich voice.  Every attempt to forget your handsome Quad Ice over the past week has utterly failed.
Eff it. What are the chances that you unexpectedly need a new drycleaner, and it happens to be the only thing tangentially related to Din that you know? Maybe the universe is trying to help you out.
Before you can characteristically overthink it, you flag down a cab and give the driver the address you looked up; your heart pounds the entire ride over.
When you step into drycleaner’s, a little bell above the door jingles to signal your arrival, and a short woman with a huge amount of curly dark hair appears from the back.  You think she might be Peli, but you can’t be sure; she gives you a huge smile and gestures to take in your clothes.  Finding her to be super friendly and chatty, the two of you make easy small talk as she neatly lists out your items by hand on her notepad.  When she gets to the coffee stained skirt, she lets out a low whistle, “Oof.  Been there, done that!” she quips.  You decide this is probably the best opening you’ll get, “Actually, that coffee stain is probably why I’m here.  Someone saw it and recommended your place.”  Peli raises her eyebrow as you press on, “His name is Din, he said he’s a friend of the owner?”
This gets her attention; the woman stops what she’s doing and studies you with great interest.  Her face breaks out into an impossibly wide smile and she exclaims loudly, “Din sent you, eh?  And he said we were friends?”  she lets out a deep belly laugh, “Babysat him when he was a kid, but yep we’re friends. Ha!  Hi, I’m Peli!”  She shakes your hand as you introduce yourself. “He said to mention his name and you would try harder not to lose my clothes,” you joke. 
“That scamp!” chortles Peli, “Don’t worry!  We’ll take good care of you!  You know… because of Din.” She rolls her eyes good naturedly.
“Of course.  Because of Din,” you grin back, “So…does he send a lot of… people who need drycleaning, your way?”
“Nope!  You’re the first!  And honestly, now that I think about it, why hasn’t he been sending me more business?”
You figure it’s now or never, “Do you know where I could find him?”
If possible, Peli brightens even more at your question, “Oh yeah, for sure!  At this time of day, he’ll be at his gym.  It’s about 2 blocks that way,” she points in the direction for you, “can’t miss it!  Big sign that says ‘Mando’s Gym’.”
Peli finishes taking down your information for the clothes and lets you know when everything can be ready.  You give her an enthusiastic thanks; when opening the door to leave, you have a moment of hesitation, but looking back, you find Peli already pointing in the direction of the gym.  You give her a smiling nod and head that way.
---
Peli was right.  You can’t miss the sign; it sits atop of a standalone three story building that’s set further back on its lot.  The front area of the lot looks like it might have once been a driveway of sorts, but is now used as a parking lot; a handful of parked cars lets you know the gym is fairly busy today.  The front of the building has giant windows that look like garage doors and makes you think that the building might have once been a mechanic repair shop; from the little of what you can see inside, you think the gym occupies the first floor of the building and possibly the second.  The big set of garage door windows are separated in the middle by an entry way that you walk through, slightly nervous.  Once inside, you see a reception but currently no one behind the small desk; instead, you peek around the partition wall behind the desk and see that the space opens up to a clean, spacious room that has about 8-10 people working out on various machines and punching bags lining the walls, all leading to a larger group of people clustering near the boxing ring centered at the back of the room.
You’re making your way towards the back, scanning over the group looking for Din when you spot him, right in the middle of the ring.  He’s got his gloved hands up, blocking part of his head, but you can still tell it’s him; when you hear him shouting encouraging words to his sparring partner, his familiar voice sends a shiver up your spine.  He’s wearing a sweat drenched grey t-shirt and his hair is messy and wet from his work out, but he looks even better than you remember.
Actually, he looks fucking delicious.  From this angle you can see the cut of his jawline and how it tightens as his grunts and pants.  His arms are flexed from his forearms up to his biceps, and are so muscular they’re straining hard against his shirt sleeves.  You must be straight up ogling him because you don’t even realize when Din notices you; you’re too busy looking at his legs and admiring how his thighs fill out his navy blue shorts so snugly.  You only look up when those same legs start walking in your direction and come to a stop at the edge of the ring.  Din is leaning towards you against the rope with a heart-stopping smile, “It’s you.”
“Yes, it’s me,” you grin, repeating back his words to you from the bookstore.
Din thinks he must be dreaming, or maybe he’s been knocked in the head one too many times today.  He had just paused the fight to show Jimmy the new combination again, when he looked over to see the prettiest sight.  You, standing in his gym, soft and dainty, with a wide eye expression on your face.  You’re looking in his direction, but when you don’t make eye contact with him immediately, Din allows himself the smug thought that you might be liking what you see and puffs his chest out a little before making his way over to you.
Now you’re looking at him with that same pretty smile that he hasn’t been able to get out of his head for the last week, and he can’t wait to talk to you again, “Are you okay to wait for 5 minutes?  We’re just finishing up this training session.”
You nod agreeably, “Sure, I can wait.”  There’s a bench running along the right side of the ring where you take a seat to better enjoy the show.  You’ve never seen boxing up close before, so you don’t know what to expect, but you find yourself mesmerized by everything Din is doing in the ring.  All his movements are intentional and graceful; he’s in total control of every motion he makes: ducking, blocking, punching.  His muscles are all flexed and his shirt stretches tight, barely containing them as if Din himself is an extension of the explosive power harnessed in his fists.  The legs that you were drooling over earlier are quick and agile; it’s true you don’t know his age but his sparring partner looks to be in his mid-20s and Din is having no problem out maneuvering him.
As he circles the other fighter, you think you spy some ink on a flash of some exposed skin and the idea of exploring what’s underneath Din’s shirt has you swallowing hard.  In short, you can’t take your eyes off of him. 
The 5 minutes is action packed and over before you know it.  In one continuous smooth motion, Din ducks under the rope, jumps down and grabs a fresh towel from a stack on the other end of the bench you’re sitting on before sliding over to sit next to you.  He looks at you almost bashfully as he towels off his hair and wipes the sweat from his brow and neck.  You think you could get used to seeing him like this: cheeks pink from exercise, bright eyes glued to yours and a grin so wide it reveals a deep dimple in his right cheek that you’re discovering for the first time.  He’s taking your breath away and you haven’t even been back in his presence for more than 10 minutes.
“What brings you to this part of town today, pretty bird?”
If anyone else had bestowed a pet name on you so soon after having met, you would have immediately gotten the ick, but the endearment rolling off Din’s tongue sounds so natural and sweet, it has you melting, “Some handsome guy bought me a thick stack of books and then made it nearly impossible for me to thank him.  Tracked him down to this gym.”
“Handsome guy, eh?”
“Yep.  Real handsome.  And sweet.  You know anyone around here like that?” you tease.
Handsome.  You think he’s handsome. Din thinks his heart is in danger of no longer fitting in his chest.  He holds his hand up to his brow, as if to shield his eyes from the light, and mines looking around gym in an exaggerated manner, “Nope.  Just a bunch of smelly, sweaty ruffians.  Owner’s a handsome guy though, maybe you’re looking for him,” he says, eyes twinkling.
“You own this gym?”
“Sure do.  Used to be my dad’s.”
“Well, he would be proud of you and what you’ve done here, Din.  It looks great.”  You mean it, and you look around the gym with a renewed sense of awe now that you know Din is the one responsible for its operations.
Din’s not sure how you knew the exact thing to say to make his heart swell, but he knows without a doubt that you’re being genuine and he is reminded again of your kind nature. 
You look back to see Din looking at you with a soft expression and before you let yourself get lost in his eyes, you force yourself to pull it together, “Oh Din!  I can’t believe I didn’t say this right away: Thank you!! Thank you for the books.  It was so incredibly unexpected and sweet!  My friends also say thank you – a few of the books you bought were for them.”
“You’re very welcome.  Have you enjoyed the books?”
You’re warmed by how thoughtful Din is, and you let him know the books are turning out to be great and you and your friends can’t believe how long you’ll have to wait for the next instalment to come out.
“Do you have plans to read tonight, or would you happen to be free?”
Even though you had been hoping that Din would ask you out, your heart leaps into your throat now that it’s happening.  “I think I should be!  If I finish up this list of errands I’m supposed to get to today, that is.  Giving Peli my drycleaning was only the first item,” you lament. 
“Peli!  Is that how you found me?  Clever girl.”
You beam at Din’s praise.  You realize you haven’t explained how you knew where he was, “As luck would have it, my regular drycleaner was unexpectedly closed.  Nearly derailed my whole errand day until I remembered you mentioning you had a friend who ran a drycleaning business.  Something else I need to thank you for.”
“I’m glad I could help.  Well, if you have a bunch of errands you have to finish before you can go out with me tonight, I’m going to scoot you out of here right now so you don’t cancel. Scoot!”  Din adds a silly shooing motion with his hands as he says this, so you know he’s not seriously trying to get rid of you.  You giggle, but nod, eager to get on with your tasks so that your date with Din might come sooner.
Din asks you if you need a ride, but you tell him you’ll be fine and jokingly scoff, “Hey!  I don’t want you putting off your work and then backing out either, mister.”
“Not a chance,” grins Din.
As you walk together towards the front of the gym, Din lets you know how much he’s been thinking about you,  “I’m really glad you came to here today.  I was about to camp out everyday at the coffeeshop in the morning and then that bookstore in the afternoon until I found you again.”
“Who would have looked after the gym if you did that?”
Din looks around at the gym; some of the boxers and staff that had been watching the two of you look away quickly and pretend to busy themselves to avoid being caught staring.  “Shoot.  This place probably would have burned down.  Looks like you just saved the gym.”
You can’t help but giggle again and Din feels a growing sense of pride in being able to make you laugh.  “How about tonight I take you out to dinner as a thank you?”
Giving him an incredulous look, you answer, “I should be taking you out to dinner to thank you.”
“I don’t think so, pretty bird.”
The pet name shoots straight to your core again. 
Din stretches himself up to his full height and looks down at you with mock stern expression, cocking his eyebrow.
You can’t say you’re at all intimidated even though he towers over you; you’ve long since felt that Din’s company spelled safety.  But to play along, you counter by looking up at him with your biggest pleading eyes.  Din is instantly disarmed and knows in this moment that he will never be able to refuse you anything.
He suggests a compromise, “How about we go for dinner and fight about the check there?”
“Ok.  But just so you know, I’m not used to losing,” you challenge playfully.
“Me neither.” Din tilts his head slightly to draw your attention to the wall you’re standing next to.  It’s the other side of the divider wall you rounded when you came in, and you see that it’s covered with awards, certificates, and articles lauding Din’s boxing accomplishments.
Amazed, you skim over the honours and achievements, “This is you?  Wow – you’re incredible Din!  …9 times weight division champion? Oh man, now I don’t know if I can take you.”
“I bet you could,” from the look on Din’s face, you’re sure that the double meaning is meant as a tease, but you can’t help squirming a little.
Blushing, you relent, “Ok, you can pay for dinner.  But I still have to thank you for the books.”
Din is finding your persistence on this point to be adorable, “Your ‘thanks’ is enough.  No need to feel like you owe me; it was a gift.”
“I know.  I just have an outrageous sense of reciprocity.  I really do want to find a way to thank you somehow.”  You reach up and put your hand on Din’s shoulder to hold yourself steady as you lift up onto your toes and kiss him on the cheek.  Despite having just gone who knows how many rounds in the ring, he smells incredible and you can’t help but linger your lips on his cheek.  You exhale softly and hold Din’s gaze as you slowly lower down to your normal height.
Din looks as affected as you feel, “Remind me to buy you some more books.”
Both of you laugh, now giddy about the prospect of seeing each other again in a few hours.  You exchange numbers and Din promises to text you later with the address of the restaurant he’ll meet you at tonight.
Heading down the street, heart aflutter and fingers trembling with excitement, you take out your phone and text the group chat: I found him.
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iamnmbr3 · 4 months
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I love your meta but it's gotten to the point for me that when I read fics and Harry says something like "He's a disgusting Death Eater" I'm like- Nope, not in character. Harry? No. 1 Draco Malfoy apologist Harry? Unrealistic, I can't.
Thank you so much! That's really nice of you to say! And lol saaaaame. I mean don't get me wrong. I love some bitter 'both-these-characters-have-literally-tried-to-kill-each-other' enemies to lovers but that's not drarry (as their dynamic is portrayed in canon). And I think that's fascinating because they should hate each other a lot more than they do but they just can never bring themselves to. I just find it so striking how little real violence there is between them despite their very intense rivalry evolving into them literally being soldiers on opposite sides of a war. And how they just can't bring themselves to really truly hurt each other the way you'd expect and how they both always risk everything to save each other even when they should have no reason to.
Personally I think that's more interesting than them just disliking and distrusting each other. Because yes there is rivalry and bad blood and hostility but there's so much more than that and that fascinating push and pull is what makes their interactions so interesting to me.
I mean, canonically by the end of book 6 Harry has shifted into full-on worrying about Draco. And he keeps worrying about him all through book 7. (Not to mention saving his life and being saved in return by Draco at the Manor). This is wild. Draco is a Death Eater. Draco let other Death Eaters into the school. Draco almost got Katie and Ron - 2 friends of Harry's - killed. Draco is indirectly responsible for Bill's face getting ripped off. He also seemingly contributed to Dumbledore's apparent murder by disarming him and leaving him vulnerable.
But Harry doesn't hate him. He understands that Draco has changed his mind and doesn't want to be doing what he's doing anymore and has realized the folly of the side he's chosen (but tragically too late). He pities him. He worries about him. He doesn't despise or blame him. He even apparently conceals Dracos's crimes from magical law enforcement and blames everything on Snape.
Given this, I always personally find it a bit jarring when canon compliant fics have Harry go too overboard with the whole "omg he was a Death Eater" angle because it doesn't fit with his actions in canon. I mean after he walks in on Draco crying in book 6 and saying some hugely incriminating things Harry's reaction is to completely back off - simply because his investigation is putting Draco in danger. Even though Draco is pretty clearly a potential danger to others. And by the end of book 6 he's even more sympathetic to him after seeing Draco's change of heart. In book 7 he's viscerally horrified by seeing Draco forced to torture Rowle and the thing that motivates him to block out his connection to Voldemort for the first time is not wanting to see Draco tortured after the escape from the Manor. And he thinks about him quite frequently. And he even puts not only his own life at risk to save him, but also the lives of his friends (who he values far more than he values himself).
Given all this, while I certainly think Harry wouldn't immediately be best friends with Draco or forget about all the bad things he and his family did, I don't think he'd be over the top hating him like I see in some fics where Harry is outraged Draco didn't go to Azkaban or enraged by his mere presence at Hogwarts for 8th year or stuff like that, given he wasn't that bothered by Draco in 6th or 7th year when he had a lot more reason to be. That level of hostility and mistrust just doesn't feel like it fits to me.
Of course everyone is free to interpret and write the characters how they like. These are just my personal views and preferences. (And to be fair I also find it a bit jarring when Harry starts talking like he's been on tumblr reading drarry metas in defense of Draco so it's definitely a balance).
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So over the past few weeks, I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a retelling of the OG series from Annabeth’s perspective.
I’m interested in doing this because though I loved the PJO when I was a child, as I grow older, I find myself craving more nuance from the stories and the characters than what’s already there on the page. I thought hopefully the show would fulfill me, but uhh….amazing character depth is not one of the things I’d call the show’s biggest strong suits, at least not for Annabeth.
Now, I’m aware of the “Daughter of Wisdom” series on AO3, a fanfic series that does the exact same thing. I read that fic years ago and enjoyed it; I thought at the time that the fic was well done. However, I have a lot of ideas for scenes and details that I don’t think really showed up in that fic series, and so I find myself craving to create the POV for Annabeth and certain aspects of CHB that I’ve always wanted to see. I also wanted to spend more time emphasizing emotions and growth for Annabeth in a fic like this, and actually have her challenge and address her pride, sort of like a “I’m overcoming my biggest flaw” journey. I want to write this series from a sympathetic yet honest perspective about Annabeth’s life and her traits…including the traits that are not so pretty.
And so I want input from y’all on what you think would be worth including in a fic like this, and if there’s anything from the OG books that I should change, twist, replace, remove, deepen, or add something new. Here’s a list I already have going:
- emphasis on Annabeth’s relationship with Chiron and how it develops
- more emphasis on Annabeth’s relationship with Grover and how they get along when Percy isn’t there. Do they talk about Percy? And what do they think of each other? Does Grover feel intimidated by Annabeth, or feel like maybe she’s not proud of him because he let her down with the Cyclops incident and Thalia getting killed? Maybe at the end of the quest in TLT, before Percy gets back from Olympus, Annabeth reassures Grover that he’s a great protector and that she doesn’t resent him at all.
- Annabeth’s view of Luke and how/why it becomes complicated; how Annabeth reconciles the objectively bad things Luke has done with her desire for his redemption
- an emphasis on Annabeth and Thalia’s relationship after Thalia returns. How has it changed, Thalia remarking on Annabeth’s growth and teasing her about her crush on Percy, Annabeth helping Thalia cope with the loss of Luke to the “dark side” and also helping Thalia cope with how much the world has changed in 5 years and how Thalia now feels so out of place, Thalia helping Annabeth cope with continuous family struggles
- an emphasis on Annabeth’s relationship with other Athena children. Do they like each other? Hate each other? Are they competitive, all vying for their mom’s attention? Do they share some of Annabeth’s struggles; were their mortal parents also unimpressed about receiving a child they didn’t plan for?
- Annabeth’s relationship with other kids at camp: namely Clarisse, Silena, Beckendorf, and the Stoll Brothers (no, I don’t ship Connabeth, btw). But I also want to flesh out Katie Gardner and Pollux/Castor too.
- a proper resolution to Annabeth’s family drama that yes, recognizes how Frederick had a baby sprung on him that he didnt consent to, and how Mrs. Chase had no idea how to take care of a kid with special needs, but a resolution that also validates Annabeth’s feelings and highlights the ways in which Mr. and Mrs. Chase messed up and failed her with their poor choices.
- a new interpretation of Luke’s “did you love me”question
- An on-page apology from Annabeth to Rachel
- Annabeth’s relationship with her little brothers and how they might still try to love each other in context of their family drama, and not repeat the sins of their parents (breaking generational curses!)
- more emphasis on Annabeth and Athena’s relationship, and how Annabeth evolves from thinking her mother is this image of perfection, to realizing that Athena is just as faulty as the other gods and goddesses, and that Annabeth has a strength over Athena in that Annabeth has a bigger sense of humanity, and can change and adapt when she’s not doing something well. Annabeth can evolve in ways Athena cannot.
Anything else?
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suckerforcate · 1 month
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LOVED your first kate stewart fic!!
a request/prompt for my queer UNIT boss babe: reader is an alien and has been hiding it from kate despite them having a Thing (relationship/flirting/other), out of fear that kate would be angry when she finds out. kate is indeed angry when she finds out, because reader's an alien? bc they were hiding it? 🤷🏻
feel free to change what you wish to!! 💚💚💚
Misplaced Doubt
Pairing: Kate Lethbridge-Stewart x fem!Reader
Word Count: 1200
Warning: NSFW being hinted (just minor), bit of anxiety
Summary: Kate finds out you're not human, but actually a Timelady. How will she react?
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A/n: So, I made Reader a Timelady, cause it fits best with the physiology. Seems the most human. I settled with Timelady but there's no use of pronouns, so it could also be read as gn!reader. Let's just ignore that the Timelords are all dead. Hope you like it!! Would love a repost, like or comment. <3
■----------------------------------------■
You were torn. Obviously, you were aware that this approach was not the right one. Kate meant a lot to you, and you really liked her. So keeping secrets was wrong. But what were you meant to do?
At the beginning, you'd just been scared of telling her. Scared she'd reject you or wouldn't want you and at some point so much time had passed that it would have just been awkward to tell her. Cause how were you supposed to tell your girlfriend of nearly a year that you were a Timelady? That you had two hearts, could very well be a different person entirely tomorrow and would live to see her die.
Right, you just wouldn't. And if one day you'd regenerate or simply not grow old, well that was a problem for your future self.
Except it wasn't. In a very stupid string of events you'd managed to fall down the ladder when trying to change a light bulb and Kate was fussing. All her motherly instincts made themselves known, and she went slightly overboard with her worry.
"It's fine, Katie. I promise." You assured her as you sat in her couch, Kate kneeling beside you and looking worried. She was convinced you should see a doctor. You're sure they'd be delighted to find out about your second heart.
"You fell of the ladder. It's not fine." She insisted, eyebrows adorably furrowed and nervously biting her lip. A side of her anyone but you rarely got to witness.
"Look at me, I'm smiling and talking and breathing. I'm fine." You assure her again and smile at her as if to prove your point. But she was stubborn, you knew that. And if she had something in her mind there was no way going around it.
"No, I'll take you to the Doctor. I won't accept a no." You sighed, knowing that there was a good possibility your little, actually not so little, secret was about to come out.
"Kate, we can't go to the Doctor." You said, sighing and defeated. She had just gotten up and turned away to get her stuff when you spoke. So she turns back around and looks down at you confused.
"Why not?" She asked sceptically and crossed her arms. You sat up a bit in the couch, already feeling your body easily heal whatever had been hurt by the fall. You looked at her apologetically, as if to apologise for what was yet to come.
"I haven't been entirely truthful to you, Kate." You sighed and rubbed your face, elbows propped up on your knees. You looked up at Kate and gestured to the armchair across from you. "Please, sit down."
And she did. She sat down, though she still looked sceptical. Her arms were crossed, and her eyes fixed on you. You felt your hearts beat rapidly in your chest the tell-tale signs of anxiety rising in you.
"There's something I haven't told you. And I'm sorry for keeping that from you. I just didn't know how..." You sighed and closed your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I'm a Timelady, Kate." There, it's out. No going back now.
After what felt like forever you opened your eyes and looked at Kate. She hadn't said a word. The silence was excruciating. The look on her face broke your heart, and you were sure it was all over now. She looked so hurt. So heartbroken. And it was your fault. She untangled her crossed arms and rubbed her palms over her jeans, then she stood up and paced up and down in front of you.
"How could you not tell me that?" She asked and besides the hurt there was an obvious layer of anger in her voice. She stopped pacing and crossed her arms again, looking down at you in the couch. She even looked angry.
"Listen, Kate I didn't mean to keep a secret or anything..." She scoffed and didn't even let you finish. She couldn't even look at you.
"You didn't want to keep a secret? Well, newsflash, you kept a secret." She shot back, and you could feel yourself shrink with every word you said. You'd ruined everything. You'd been dishonest with her and why would she want to be with someone who's not even human. It had been eleven wonderful months. But that was over now. Great.
"I'm sorry, Kate." You said again, practically sinking into yourself, eyes downcast. Silence. When you look up you nearly expected her to be gone. But she was still there. Her arms hanging at her sides and the hurt back in her features. It was killing you.
"Don't you trust me?" She asked and it sounded so broken. You looked at her confused. Of course, you trusted her. With your life. "I work for UNIT for fuck's sake. I can keep a secret.
"Course you can. That's not-..." you watched her for a second. She seemed hurt that you hadn't told her, hurt that you'd kept a secret. But...she didn't seem repulsed or disappointed or like she wanted to reject you.
"I didn't want to lose you. You're too important." Now it was her time to look confused. Silence, again. Until she sinks back into the armchair, this time leaning forward. Towards you, a good sign.
"Loose me?" She asks with that adorable high tone that she always used when she was curious about something she didn't quite understand. Her brows were furrowed as she waited for an answer.
"Yeah. Loose you." You said and shrugged helplessly. "I'm not human, Kate. Above that, I'm a Timelady. It could might as well happen that you come back from work next week and I have a different face, a different personality." You explained, dreading the second she'd understand the full impact of this. But it didn't seem to come.
"But you'd still be you." She said as if it was the easiest thing in the world. How could she just not mind at all? People would talk if she suddenly had a 'new' partner. She can be alright with that. Can she?
"But, how can you just not care?" You asked dumbfounded. Confusion written all over your face.
"I'm pissed that you kept that from me. And you'll have some making up to do for that. But I love you. I'd never leave you because of something like that. I fell in love with who you are. Not the face or the body you have." She explained, more gently now. Then she even smirked slightly. "Not to say I don't appreciate the body." You blushed slightly, still a bit shocked by her nonchalant approach to all this. This woman was truly remarkable.
"I love you so much, Katie. I'm sorry I doubted you." You said and reached over to gently take her hand in yours. "Let me start with some of those amends I have to make." You said and pulled her to her feet, immediately wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing her flush against you. She giggled and looked up at you with those beautiful eyes, filled with love and the world was back to being alright.
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the-kr8tor · 4 months
Note
This #$@% has turned into a 2,294 word fic and I'm not even at the plot point yet 😭 Someone save me please-
Today's ttn fic was so cute! I loved it and read it instantly because thankfully I had the time. I really have to lock in because I have finals tomorrow and the day after so excuse my absence please pookie. How are you by the way? I'm a little stressed but overall happy.
Indulge me ok? Bc @pleaktale has given me a lot of inspiration recently. Pirate Hobie in a port town gathering supplies with the crew. They have some downtime or Hobie just wanders off a stumbles across villager r. Just playing or walking around in the sand and it's love at first sight for my guy (favorite trope ngl).
r owns a shop whether it's a bakery, bookstore, apothecary, etc and Hobie finds out after he does some digging around. Purposefully seeking her out and damn if she isn't the cutest and sweetest thing.
He comes back to the ship with like six cases of bread or books on charting and sailing. Things he doesn't need.
Makes the crew come back to the same port each time they need to resupply. Eventually the crew finds out after seeing him (aka following him) talking with r. They make fun of him and tag along on his visits just to irritate him. Even better if they flirt with r and Hobie gets jealous. Like pouting in a corner while Ned talks about how pretty you are. (Which is nice but you'd much rather hear it from Hobie's lips-)
Gwen has had enough after months of Hobie hoarding whatever he buys from you on the ship (she be sinking a little too deep into the water) as well as those little sighs he lets out while looking out into the direction of your town. She threatens Hobie with a "if you don't tell her I will".
r is obviously smitten too but doesn't know what to do. Maybe Hobie's just being friendly? He flirts with nearly everyone he comes across. He's just naturally charming. It's a "she fell first but he fell harder" kind of deal because spoiler alert, r noticed Hobie long before he noticed her.
Conclusion, you're both idiots in love and honestly should just go makeout already because damn if this isn't the slowest burn (I'm looking at you Katy. ttn ruined me in the best way possible. It's so good 💗)
Ahhhh i get what u mean!!! The set up is so much harder to write than the main plot point bc you've had the vision for it now u just need to write the build up!! Just think that after writing the first part you can finally get to the part you really like and you can use that as your motivation to finish the first half ❤️
Ahhhh! Thank you so much! I loved writing it sm it gave me nostalgia even though I've never experienced the 80s or 90s lmaooo
I'm doing okay, angel! I hope you're taking breaks in between studying ❤️ good luck on your finals ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Are you in my walls, lovely? Bc the part where Hobie stumbles across r was the original idea for bdas!! But it didn't fit with the rest of the plot so I scrapped it in the end (we're twin hearts fr fr)
THAT'S SO CUTE!!!! HOBIE'S PINING IS SO AUGHHHH 😍😍😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Hobie with heart eyes while in R's store: I fancy yo--- I mean I fancy your merchandise, give me one of everything
R: 🤨🤨🤨
Gwen threatening to tell R 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hehehehe I have infected everyone with slow burn disease 😂😂😂
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detectivebambam · 5 months
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For the choosing violence thing.
I curious about your thoughts on 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24, and 25
(Your thoughts make my day tbh)
lol i gotchu pinky
the character everyone gets wrong: Dan. she's not a badass. i mean she is, but she's not. she's a scared little girl who had to raise herself and has no idea what she's doing at any given time and i love her for it
why andrew would never top or bottom: actually he does both, and tends to enjoy it. kind of an agressive top but Neil likes it, and sometimes likes to follow orders when he bottoms 🫣 i think they do anything and everything with each other. Neil could be dominant or submissive at any given time, which gives Andrew space to learn about what he actually enjoys. He finds that as long as it involves Neil, he doesn't mind
worst tumblr take I've seen: that Andrew was a misogynist because he doesn't like being manipulated, and "manipulation is a woman's weapon" like how is THAT not misogynistic be so real
why did you block that annoying person?: kept saying that Kevin abused Riko as much as Riko abused Kevin. don't know how far they had to reach into the depths of their asshole to find that one, i just hope they didn't get stuck
i don't have discord
which ship fans are the most annoying: y'all are going to absolutely murder me for this but kevaaron. 1) where did it come from? 2) what's wrong with Katie?? 3) no hate ship what u want but also, i can ship what i want? and it's fine it's literally fine
what character did you start to hate because of fanon: i hate to say it but Thea. i adored her when I read the books originally, but after 4 years of exclusively fanon content i didn't like her. but i did a reread recently and adore her again so it's all good
common fandom opinion everyone is wrong about: Andrew being a sex god. Neil is his first consensual sexual partner. like yeah he knows how to suck dick like a dying man, which he learned in juvie (when he was 13-16?) but in terms of sex? he doesn't know what he's doing and he's probably really scared and nervous
worst part of canon: kevin and thea turning their daughter into a mini Raven 😔
worst part of fanon: Renee erasure 😔😔
fandom related words you've filtered: as of currently? anything tsc related because I don't have access to it yet and people aren't tagging properly. but I also have Rinee (rixo x renee) blocked because,,, what do you actually mean
unpopular character you like and why people should like them: Aaron. yeah he's an asshole and a little homophobic but he was raised that way and he's getting better
worst blorboification: if this means what i think it means, fucking riko. like wdym "he serves cunt" he needs to serve time
answered prev
answered prev
you can't understand why this is popular: kevaaron, any riko ship, riko himself, ichirou x neil, andreil breaking up in fics ?
there should be more of this: fic: oral fixation. sexual or non sexual idc but let's Freud these bitches. fanart: ANDREW WITH LONG HAIR PLS PLS PLS
it's criminal that y'all have been sleeping on: STUART HATFORD. LITERALLY NEXT TO WYMACK ON THE FATHER FIGURE SCALE. I LOVE HIM
you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like: i don't feel guilt I'm Presbyterian
part of canon you found boring: anytime they were in class like wdym
part of canon you think is overhyped: this one is going to get me in trouble so i wanna start off by saying that yes, Riko was a victim of abuse. I'm not disputing that at all. but the part where he got beat by Tetsuji and "was more blood and bruise than skin", while being horrible, was also because of Kevin leaving due to Riko breaking his hand. Tetsuji lost one of his biggest investments because of Riko's petty ego
fav part of canon that everyone ignores: Stuart Hatford man
ship you've unwillingly come around to: Kandreil lol. i didn't like it at first but idk the more fanfic i see I'm like yeah that could be cute
topic that brings up the most rancid discourse: picture this, if you will: Nora Sakavic says something about her own damn characters. yeah that's all
common fandom complaint you're sick of hearing: "it's poorly written" it's not. if you can get over the first chapter of The Raven King, the rest is actually written very well and it's so so beautiful and depicts traumatized characters in a way I haven't seen before that is very refreshing
ty for the ask pinky ily
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panda-writes-kpop · 2 months
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Happy THREE Years of Panda Writes K-pop!
editor katie here... as a professional yapper, I'm saving your feed by putting this below a read more 🤭 apologies in advance, I'm quite sentimental when it comes to these things and I almost started crying after I wrote this 😭 y'all mean so much to me, along with the blog and the friends I've made. okie I got to stop before I keep yapping on and on
tldr: a sweet thank you note for all of your support, plus a rough release date schedule for my writing along with a few ideas I've been playing with for a while 🥰
I swear, this anniversary always sneaks up on me, even though it's only a week and a couple of days after my birthday. Hard to believe that it's already been three years. 🥹 I still feel like that rising high school senior who's trying to express herself through writing about her favorite girlies. ❤️
This blog has taught me so much about myself, my writing, and the world that I live in. Along the way, I made amazing friends and memories that I will always cherish, even if I decide to stop writing (shout out to @foolish-sparrow @kingmaker-a @sanccharine @neon-city-dreams @dark-night-insomniac @ghastlybin for being the best friends a girl could have. I'm still trying to learn and be better every day, and I'm so thankful for your patience and kindness towards me).
None of this would ever be possible without you. Even if you silently follow me and read my fics on occasion, you are the reason that I enjoy writing so much. 🫶 I read every reblog and comment, even if I haven't always responded in the past. (shame on past me, I used to be really shy on the internet until I got fully acquainted to having an online platform of sorts). The likes, comments, and reblogs let me know what fics everyone likes.
And, of course, I have to give a special shout-out to anyone who has every sent me an anon ask or an ask in general. They make my day, especially if you're talking about a fic you like (I literally giggle and kick my feet at the asks, please keep sending them 💙).
Enough of the sentimental yapping (you've all encouraged my yapping habit by being here, now suffer the consequences 😌), I want to talk about some of the fics I have cooking in my brain and (DISCLAIMER: DO NOT HOLD ME TO THIS) a rough estimate of when they might come out.
This week, I would like to write and release the Sana fluff alphabet early in the week and then the Dahyun fluff alphabet later in the week or sometime next week. After that, I will be working on the last two Pirate! Aespa fics along with SuA's birthday fic (Supernatural AU, two-part fic, SuA/Siyeon as the Winchesters iykyk). That should put me nearly at my university's start time, and I do want to have some surprises up my sleeve. But, for the sake of you bearing with me and reading my blabbering, I'll give you some hints. :)
Fic #1 - The Boys AU without the more extreme elements of the show, idol has powers similar to A-Train and is a whole mess
Fic #2 - Criminal Minds AU, idol has the likeness and some attributes of Aaron Hotchner, reader and idol are angry idiots in love with lots of romantic tension that everyone but them notices
Hey, you remember this series? Cool, cool, just making sure... 😉
plus I'd like to work on the slushie prompts so they can be wrapped up this year or sometime next year!
thank you for three amazing years, and here's the to hope that there will be many more years to come.
thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for everything. For every like, comment, reblog, follow, read, anon ask - they're all so precious to me.
thank you for everything. ❤️
~ katie/panda
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imagine-that-100 · 1 year
Text
Will We Talk? | Part 1 |
Description: Alex Turner x Reader | Being Katie Cook’s best friend means you see a lot of a certain band, so it’s too bad that the lead singer can’t seem to stand being in your presence. You’re all too aware that you get chatty when you’re anxious, and despite being around each other for a decade, Alex still makes your heart race (and not in a good way). But then he asks a question you never expected to hear, and it changes everything: “Do I make you nervous?”
Word Count: 13.2k
A/N: Well hello there besties! Alex stannies your time has come again because I’m back and this short series is going to be soooo much fun! This was inspired by a harry fic I read many moons ago and I just knew I needed to do a grumpy Alex fic. I started writing this fic on the 15th of December 2021 so it’s been a long time coming. That being said part 2 isn’t yet finished (blame @nriacc​ lol) but I felt we all needed a new Alex ficccc! Big thank you to the author of the harry fic for the inspiration, and to @red---moon​ and @alovesreading​ for helping me/ keeping me inspired for this one. I would loveeee to know what you all think so please give me your reactions! Just keep an eye out for the time jumps, it goes back and forth quite a bit but I hope it makes sense. Thanks a million for reading, hope you enjoy x
| My Masterlist |  
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~*~*~*~ 29th June 2018 ~*~*~*~
Just do it Y/N. Be polite, stop being a child.
Internally, you’re debating pretending that you don’t need another drink and to go back to Katie and Kelly without a new one so you don’t have to suffer what’s bound to be another awful encounter. Alex is standing at the busy bar with his drink in his hand, and you’d think that after 8 years of knowing someone you’d feel comfortable enough to have a chat with them at their best mates birthday party. But no. Not with Alex.
He might just be the grumpiest person you’ve ever met. He’d never once started a conversation with you, it’s always been you making the effort with him since the day you met him.
Truthfully, your tendency to talk a lot more than you should when you’re nervous probably hasn’t helped that. You’d seen interviews of him over the years and it’s clear that he really didn’t like talking to anyone who he wasn’t close to. And you’re not stupid, just because Katie is your best friend doesn’t mean that you’re someone he has to converse with.
Of course over the years you’d seen each other a lot but you’d only had a handful of conversations with him. Frighteningly few of those conversations were just between the two of you, and you were happy with things staying like that.
But this time you’re going to have to brave it. You’d promised Katie you’d grab her another drink along with getting yourself a new one.
The bar is fairly busy with a few people standing around chatting as they wait for their drinks. A few people have been standing there for the majority of the evening in this decently sized function room.
Of course for Jamie’s birthday, and with the band being back off tour for a short break, Katie had thrown her husband an early birthday party because she’s the best wife possibly ever. You’d helped her plan it and sort everything out so she didn’t get too stressed like any best friend would do and you’re so glad everything has gone to plan and Jamie seems to be having a great night.
Equally, you’ve been having a great night too. Getting to see everyone again is fun. You’d not seen Miles for a while nor had you really seen any of the band because they’d been on tour but each time you saw them it was like no time had passed. Miles has always been your favourite to chat to, you think because the both of you are just as chatty as the other so you always feel at ease around him.
You’ve always had a tendency to talk someone's ear off and even more when you’re drinking or nervous. So tonight with you being both tipsy and nervous about seeing Alex standing at the bar, inconveniently for you the only free space being one beside him, you don’t want to go over.
But you need another drink.
Just fucking do it Y/N.
Taking a deep breath you bite the bullet and head over to the empty space at the bar. You’re hoping that you’ll get served immediately but by the looks of the bar staff looking around like headless chickens, you don’t think your prayers have been answered.
Reaching the bar, you put your empty glass back down on the sturdy wooden surface and wait patiently for the bartenders to serve you.
“Hey.” You greet Alex as you turn to face him.
You smile once his eyes meet yours and you see the flicker of recognition in them. You expect a smile or something along those lines from someone you’ve known for almost a decade but no.
All you get from Alex though is a quick, “Hi.” before he glances back towards the rest of the party.
After a second of silence, you have to ask, “How are you?”
“Yeah, good thanks.” Alex smiles before taking a sip of his drink and looking away from you as if he’s searching for someone else to talk to.
Wow, great chat. Why do you actually still bother Y/N?
You make eye contact again and you can feel the tightness in your chest building as if storing up all the shitty conversations you want to blurt out to get rid of the silence. But you also don’t want to annoy him. So you don’t mention anything about the goatee that he’s grown since the last time you saw him. You want to be nice and complement him but you seriously don’t think you can survive the awkwardness of you doing that.
Thankfully you don’t have to think about it for much longer because someone else caught his attention.
Alex’s eyes flicked from yours to someone coming up behind you and you hear a male voice excitedly saying, “Alex, hey!”
A grin comes to the singer's lips then and you watch him as he enthusiastically asks, “Hey man, you alright?”
You've never seen the guy who’s taken Alex's attention before but it seems like they are friends. From Alex’s smile and the way they just shook hands you assume they must be, “Yeah good thanks, where’ve you all come back from?”
“Middle of the month we were in the States, then we went Germany, and we flew back from Denmark yesterday.” Alex explains enthusiastically and you can only imagine him ever being that engaged in a conversation you had with him.
“Christ, and you’re here now.” The guy shakes his head in disbelief, “I don’t know how you do it.”
You tune out of their conversation then and glance back at the bar. You really want your drinks so you can leave before the guy leaves and it gets awkward again.
It’s not that you want to be his best mate or anything close to that, you’d just love not to feel nervous around him all the time. In the beginning the nerves were probably due to you being a fan of the music and you’d never met him before.
Jamie was the most normal person so you didn’t quite believe Katie when she first told you that her boyfriend at the time was in Arctic Monkeys. But then you met him and clearly found she was telling the truth.
You’d met all the band by the end of the year and you got on well with them at various after parties that Katie had dragged you along to in your mid twenties. But Alex has always been quiet and marginally grumpy with you since day one.
Probably your nervous chatter that did it the first time considering he said ‘hi’ to you and nothing else. He just listened to you rambling on until he was pulled away by someone much more important than yourself.
But over the years you got to know him, even if it wasn’t directly through him.
Katie fed you all of her gossip as she thinks of you as her most trusted confidant so when someone in the band annoys her and she can’t show how annoyed she is to Jamie, she’ll have you over for a wine night. So you’re aware of everything that’s just happened between him and Taylor and a certain french bitch.
If he hadn’t have left the French bitch as what she was, a stupid fucking fling, you think Katie may have killed him. She was really close with Taylor and after finding out about the cheating she was round at your house for days trying to yell all her anger away. Obviously she didn’t want to make things more awkward by airing her current murderous feelings towards Alex to Jamie so you’re the one who heard it all.
Of course you disapprove of what he did too. But it’s not your place to have an opinion. You’re just there for Katie. But you have to admit, for Alex’s sake, you’re glad he just left the French girl. Katie would have murdered him if he started seeing her as something more.
You’re brought out of your thoughts by the guy who was talking to Alex accidently bumping your shoulder as he was turning round to head back to whoever he was with. After he apologised and you promised him it was fine, back comes the uncomfortable silence that hangs between you and Alex.
He makes eye contact with you again as he sips on his drink, the smile previous on his lips now gone, and you can feel that you’re about to start nervously chatting to him. So you’re eternally grateful for the voice from behind the bar.
“Hi,” The bartender grabs your attention, “What can I get you?”
Thank you, God.
“Can I get two Amarettos on ice please?” You ask for two of your own drink because you don’t want to come back over if the grumpy fucker beside you is still over here.
The bartender preps the glasses and adds ice before he grabs the bottle of Disaronno and the double ended measure before asking, “Singles or doubles?”
“Doubles please.” You smile and watch as he pours them.
You’re glad he isn’t stingy with his measures because you don’t want to come back for a while, and after pushing the drinks towards you, the bartender asks, “Anything else?”
Smiling, you politely ask, “Can I get a large glass of Montepulciano please?”
“Yeah sure…” You watch as the guy looks around for a second and you know from his irritated expression what’s coming before he even says it. “I’m just going to grab another bottle from the cellar, I’ll be just a minute.”
You smile, “Okay, thank you.” as you can’t even change which wine you’re after because he’s already gone. You feel bad as the guy disappears off but you can feel the nerves bubbling back up inside you.
The silence falls once again, and despite the room being busy and there being a lot of people-watching you could do, you feel like because you’ve known Alex for so long you should be trying to converse with him. You really wish you didn’t care about uncomfortable atmospheres but you can’t really help but avoid it with Alex, you wish you could get over it.
Both of you are awkwardly standing beside each other once more with nothing to say and you can’t stand the stiff air between the both of you. So you end up doing what you do best when tipsy and nervous: You talk.
“I know you don’t like me very much, but I really rate your music and I don’t think I’ve ever told you that.” You begin to nervously digress looking Alex straight in the eye, needing to get rid of the silence between you. You hesitate before oversharing, “I say that, but it took me a long while to get into your new album but I like it now. Think it’s the one I listen to most actually.”
“Right, thanks.” Alex nods, before adding in a little confusion, “At least, I think that was a compliment.”
“Yeah it was.” You nod, your mouth unable to stop from rambling now. “I know my opinion means fuck all in the grand scheme of things but I just thought ‘give credit where it’s due’, right?”
Stop talking Y/N/N, you’re embarrassing yourself.
“Right.” Alex smiles at you, but you can’t help but feel a little stupid under his gaze.
You’ve told Jamie time and time again how you felt about his music, but never once have you felt this awkward about it. It really is just a reaction to Alex at this point because you could tell he just doesn't want to know.
However, just as he looks like he’s about to say something else, probably him finally telling you to leave him alone, you’re saved from whatever it was. Whilst your blundering conversation took place the bartender had returned and had poured Katie’s glass of red and it’s ready and waiting just in front of you.
“That comes to twenty-two all together, please.” The bar man asks and you happily give him your undivided attention as you take a £20 and a £5 note from your purse and hand it over.
“Keep the change.” You smile at the bartender who looks pleased with the tip you’d just given and as you pick up your alcohol carefully you glance back to Alex who’s clearly only watching you because there’s no one else around taking up his time.
He probably wants you to get a move on so he can chat to someone who actually peaks his interest. You half smile at him as you politely say, “Can’t keep the birthday boy’s wife waiting for her drink any longer. See you later.”
“See ya Y/N.” He nods, sounding just as disinterested as when you started the conversation.
Christ. Get me out of here.  
Thankfully for the rest of the night Alex is easily avoidable. Most people want his attention all the time so even if he joins a conversation that you’re involved in, he gets ripped away from it.
Miles keeps you entertained for a good portion of the evening, both of you chatting more as you drink more and more. Closer to the end of the night, Jamie gets up and does a speech thanking everyone for coming and that’s when Alex comes up beside you and Miles.
You just about hear him say to Miles that he’s just paid for a drink for him at the bar and for him to go and choose what he wants and then once again, Alex is left standing beside you with a full beer in his hand as you both listen to Jamie’s short and sweet speech.
Obviously, the guitarist brings up his lovely wife and thanks her for everything. Jamie gives Katie a stunning bunch of flowers which you can instantly tell that she loves, but as he hands the microphone over to her, Alex grabs your attention.
“Why do you think I don’t like you?” You're shocked as you hear that question fall from his lips, but you don’t hesitate to be honest with him.
You’re a little taken aback if you’re honest. He may as well have just shouted it at you because you’re genuinely that shocked by the question despite his voice being just above a whisper.
“Erm,” You swirl your drink around the glass before looking up into his brown eyes, “You never say more than a few words to me whenever I see you.”
Jesus, this is fucking awkward.
You see him frown a little then though, and after a second's thought, he asks, “That makes you think I don’t like you?”
“Well, it doesn’t make me think that you’re overly fond of having a conversation with me.” You say with a little chuckle of disbelief as to why you had to say it outloud. “And you’ve never tried to get to know me like the rest of your friends have and whenever I try with you, I don’t get much of a response.”
“Never intended for it to come across like that.” Alex tells you, and he does look like he feels bad, but it’s not like you’re holding it against him. So you don’t need his, “Sorry.”
All your brain is telling you right now is ‘Avoid confrontation at all costs’. You’re really not equipped to have that conversation with him drunk but you did tell him the truth.
“Don’t be.” You shake your head before looking back at Katie, “It is what it is.”
You can still feel his eyes on you and you’re half sure you hear him say the start of your name but your attention is clearly ripped away from him when Katie say’s your name down the microphone.
“Y/N,” She grins at you gesturing for you to come to her, and you see Jamie now holding a bunch of flowers that turns out to be for you, “Couldn’t have done this without you Hun. I had to get you these.”
You shake your head and go over to thank and hug her, leaving Alex watching after you. He just stays in his head and drinks his drink, silently processing your previous words.
~*~*~*~ January 26th 2018 ~*~*~*~
“Hey!” Jamie shouts as he runs through the front door and quickly starts routing around for whatever it is he’s looking for.
Katie says a surprised, “Hi?” and you can see and hear the distaste that he’s back so early.
Tonight Katie had invited you round once Forrest had gone to bed because Jamie was meant to be out for the evening with the lads. She needed a wind down after a long week of work and looking after her toddler whilst Jamie was away doing PR for the new album.
You’re both half way through your first bottle of red wine as Jamie now comes scurrying into the lounge, almost frantically searching around for something. You find it quite funny too because he definitely hadn’t noticed you sitting in his lounge.
That changes a second later when comes towards you and pulls out the messy drawer on the side table just near you. He smiles quickly, “Hey Y/N, good to see you.”
“And you Jamie” You grin, seeing his wife still waiting for him to announce why he’s intruded on your night in.
After scurrying around the lounge, clearly trying to find whatever it is he’s lost, she asks, “What are you doing back here?”
“I forgot my wallet.”
You’re desperately trying not to laugh at Katie’s silent sigh, or when she lets out an annoyed, “You left the door open J.”
You look towards their door and you can see it’s half open, letting all the precious heat inside their cosy house out. The winter air is absolutely freezing and it’s causing a draft that both you and Katie can feel without coats on.
“Al, you tosser!” Jamie shouts as he continues looking around for his wallet, “Don't wait outside come and help me find it, you prick!”
You can almost hear Alex’s sigh as he steps into the house, “Not my fault you left it here.”
“Alex, please come in and shut the door.” Katie waves him in from her seat, “It’s fucking freezing.”
He sighs a little as he says, “Yes, Miss Cook.” before closing the door and walking into the house with his coat wrapped tightly around him.
He looks like he doesn’t want to be out of his own space, let alone be here. He’s not smiling like he usually is when he sees Katie and he’s practically rolling his eyes watching Jamie run around like a headless chicken.
“Ignore him. He didn’t want to come out at all.” Jamie shakes his head as he walks around the lounge and back around the corner to the hall where he came in and heads past Alex and up the stairs.
Katie continues talking to you about your previous conversation and Alex just stands under the open arch between the hall and the lounge. Or that is until you all hear a loud bang come from upstairs.
A few seconds later all of you hear Jamie make another loud bang and Katie inhales sharply through her nose. Annoyance is bubbling through her system when you all hear him say “Shit.” from upstairs, clearly very loudly.
“He better shut the fuck up or he’s going to wake Forrest up.” Katie looks at you with a death glare that’s definitely meant for her husband.
Katie gets herself up from her seat opposite you and walks past Alex to half mute her voice as she yells, “Jamie!”
“Don’t mind me,” She looks from Alex back to you as she half smiles, “I'm just gonna go kill my husband.”
Alex chuckles at that and you let out a little giggle before taking another sip of your wine as you hear your best friend walk up the stairs. That leaves a silence between you and Alex and one that you’re itching to fill. You hate that it’s always awkward between you both.
After taking another sip of your wine, you politely ask, “How are you?”
“Good, thank you.” Alex nods, walking towards the wood burning fireplace that Katie was lighting when you arrived.
You debate mentioning that his hair is a lot longer since the last time you saw him, but you decide not to. The last thing you want is to make anything more awkward, so you go for something that he’s used to talking a bit more about.
“You enjoying the build up to the album release?” You ask, praying the conversation will being to flow a little easier.
But all you get is a half hearted, “Yeah. It’s been alright so far.” as he crouches by the fire and puts another piece of wood onto it.
“Good good.” You smile despite him not even looking your way.
… And nothing. No follow up question about you, not even a smile.
You’re sure he hates you. There’s absolutely no other possible explanation for why he would make things this uncomfortable for you both if he didn’t. You can’t stand uncomfortable silences which makes you more nervous and the need to chat takes over again.
You’d think that someone who does interviews for a living would know how to make people feel comfortable and you know for a fact that he does. You’ve seen a fair few in your time being their friend, and you’d seen Alex interact with his friends and his fans. You have no idea why he makes life so awkward for you.
You try again, hoping to ease your awkwardness by asking him about something he enjoys.
“How did you find writing this one?” Is the only thing you can come up with that you’re genuinely curious about, “I think Jamie mentioned that you got writer's block or something for a while, is that true or was he bullshitting me? Because you’ve always seemed to write and record really quickly from an outsider's perspective.”
“Yeah,” Alex nods with a sigh, still not even glancing at you, making you wish you never asked, “Was difficult at the beginning, got there in the end.”
Wow.
Amazing.
Enthralling story.
Taking another sip of your drink, the uncomfortable tension feels like it's suffocating you and you’ll do literally anything to ease it. Blabbing on about where they are going seems to be the direction you take.
“Where are you being dragged out tonight? Just to the George and Dragon,” which is about a 2 minute walk from here, “Or are you going into town?”
“Heading into town I think.” Alex stands himself back up and tucks his hands back into his pockets, glancing at you as he walks back to the centre of the lounge.
After taking a sip of your wine, you politely ask, “Anywhere nice?”
“No idea.” He shakes his head.
Smiling, you try to make light of the situation. “You really don’t wanna go, do you?”
“No,” Alex shakes his head, and says under his breath probably not meaning for you to hear, but you do, “I don’t even want to be here.”
To you that’s another way of saying shut the fuck up. Biting your tongue after that is difficult, but it's easier than letting him make you feel like shit again.
After drinking your last mouthful of wine, you get yourself up and out of this uncomfortable situation. You don’t bother telling him where you’re going as you doubt he cares but you’re just thankful that you don’t have to deal with him anymore.
Disappearing to the Cook’s downstairs toilet, you’re glad when you hear Jamie race down the stairs a minute or two later, shouting, “Right Al, come on. Let’s go.”
As you open the door and make your way back round to the hall, you hear Jamie say bye to Katie, followed by Alex politely saying goodbye to Katie. He gives her a hug and his eyes make contact with yours as he slips out, not even nodding a ‘bye’ as he leaves, closing the front door behind him.
“Hiding again?” Katie turns to grin at you, knowing just how uncomfortable you find interactions with Alex after years of the same behaviour.
“He’s so awkward.” You nod laughing, but you’ve got better things to be thinking about tonight. “Come on babes, I need another glass of wine.”
Thank fuck for that.
~*~*~*~ 21st September 2018 ~*~*~*~
“Y/N, Hey!”
“Jamieee.” You grin, walking towards his open arms so you can give him a hug.
You walk into his arms and you appreciate the tight hold he traps you in. As you give him a squeeze, the guitarist says, “Missed seeing you in my house.”
You can’t help but chuckle a little at that. After greeting Nick and Kelly as you walked in with Katie, you couldn’t wait to see Jamie backstage tonight. Matt unfortunately doesn’t seem to be around this communal area just yet but you're grateful for the lead singer's absence.
“Ahh well, I've been there more than you.” You tease him, his tour has been so long it feels like forever since you last saw him, “I’ll be sleeping in your bed next.”
“Surprised you don’t some nights,” Jamie laughs as he releases you from the embrace, “You’re both piss heads.”
You can’t help but laugh and nod. You just end up shrugging, “Well, red wine calls us both.”
Both you and Katie can’t help it. You’re just living your best lives and the wine nights you share are the highlight of your week.
“Thanks for inviting me tonight.” You grin at Jamie.
You’re actually thrilled you’ve been invited to their gig tonight. Them being back home in Sheffield must be awesome for them and the fact that they have four shows back to back at the FlyDSA arena makes you happy too. It’s a proper homecoming. And after a stressful week this is definitely what you needed to let loose a bit.
“Oh, I’m not the one that you need to thank.” Jamie smiles and you think nothing of it, assuming Katie’s told him you have to come.
She usually does that when she’s invited somewhere anyway. She really likes taking you out with her and sometimes out of your comfort zone.
Katie calls you over to the fridge in the communal area where she asks you what you want to start the night off with. You’re shocked as to how much alcohol is in the fridge, there’s got to be at least 30 cans of beer and there’s also wine in there. Bottles of red are left on the side beside it too.
“Fucking hell, I can’t believe they get this much stuff every night.” Your eyes go a little wide seeing the fridge.
Katie laughs at that, “I know they are greedy, I’ll have a route to see what there is.”
You watch her astounded at just how much alcohol is in there. But your attention moves to the scouser who’s just walked through the door.
“Y/N.” Miles calls your name from across the room and you grin when you turn to see him.
“Course they had you come for their home shows.” You laugh, throwing your arms around him.
You adore Miles. He’s been a good friend for a long time and you feel really comfortable around him. Unlike his best friend, Miles seems to listen to what you have to say and he’s interested in it.
It meant that you’d been close for a long while and he always makes an effort to check in with you every month which you love him for. He’s honestly such a good person and you think the world of him.
“I’ve been here the past two days and I’ve been asking for you.” Miles informs you, “I was going to text you but Katie said you were busy?”
“Yeah sorry, I’ve had some planning to do for work and had to see family the last few days.” You shake your head, not wanting to think about all that right now. You grin at Miles, clearing your head, “So glad to be here now.”
“Ooo Y/N/N,” Katie gets your attention and she has a big grin on her face as she tells you, “There's a full bottle of Amaretto in here. Not seen this before.”
“Oooo amazing.” You grin, selfishly loving the fact you won’t have to pay for your own drinks until the after party later.
Miles traps you in another conversation whilst Katie makes you your drink. Before she pours your drink though, she can’t help but wonder why the bottle is there in the first place.
“J?” Katie calls her husband over and when he’s standing beside her, she asks him, “When did you add this to your rider?”
“I didn’t know we did.” Jamie frowns in confusion looking at the bottle of Disaronno. He knows no one in the band drinks it so he asks his wife, “Why? Who drinks it?”
“Y/N does.” Katie tells him, ”It's her favourite.”
“Well, happy days then.” Jamie smiles and shrugs it off, thinking nothing of it.  
Drinks flow for a while after that. Now you’ve had two glasses of your favourite, you really feel like it’s a Friday night and you can finally have a bit of fun.
That thought slowly dies though when Alex comes into the room with Matt in tow. You’d seen him a few times since the night you couldn’t get an Uber home from the Cook’s house and he walked you home but he still wasn’t all that chatty with you.
It was a little easier but you were still the one making all the effort and actively trying to make conversation with him. You can’t imagine anything different happening tonight, christ, you’ve still not mentioned to him that you like his new buzzcut.  
In fact, you imagine he’ll be a little worse because he’s got everyone who he wants around him and you’re just Katie’s plus one. Thankfully you’re distracted for a minute by the bubbly man that is Matt Helders.
He’s a gooden too. You do love him but you can’t lie, he made a questionable decision with his love life. Why anyone would leave Breana you have no idea.
Like Katie’s rants about Alex doing the dirty on Taylor, you heard the same rants for her about Matt cheating on Breana. Once again, it wasn’t really your place to have an opinion so you just let her rant at you.
But Matt had always been lovely to you, so obviously you wouldn’t bring the things you heard about him into your dynamic. You chat to the drummer for a few minutes and he makes you laugh countless times at how tipsy he is.
You genuinely don’t know how he can perform for two hours when he’s like this before. But you can’t blame him, and he seems to be having fun and you know he’ll put on a good show.
Matt wonders off to grab himself another drink leaving you alone at the side of the now busy room. But you don’t mind people watching, it’s quite a good pass time for someone like you who doesn’t like awkward encounters. Anything to keep you from rambling on like you always do when you’re drunk and nervous.
Your eyes mostly roam over the people you don’t know, you find them more interesting to try and figure out. Guess which members of the band they know and how they’re friends.
But your people watching hobby fucks you over royally. As you eyes glance over at who Alex is chatting too, the singer's eyes connect with yours and you avert your gaze immediately.
You honestly just can’t deal with the awkwardness today. You need more alcohol to deal with that. Being drunk was the only reason you survived that walk home with him.
But turns out you’re not so lucky, because when you glance back, Alex is on his way over to you which almost makes you spit your drink out. What the fuck?
Miles, your absolute saviour, runs into his best friend though and wraps him into a hug which you can’t help but laugh at. He kisses his cheek which makes Alex laugh and the smile lingers on his face after Miles tells him whatever it is he needs to tell him.
They chat for a minute and you just find yourself watching them. They chat so easily. It really makes you wonder what you’ve done to piss Alex off so much that it seems like he couldn’t care less if you were in the room with him or not.
If you had to bet, it would be your nervous rambling. But that’s not your fault. That’s your shyness taking over and your hatred of awkward silences.
Your jaw almost falls open though when Alex smiles at you from over Miles shoulder, and even more so when he moves around his best mate as greets you, “Hey Y/N.”
“Hey,” You say, a little surprised that he’s stopped his conversation with Miles to come over.
“How’ve you been?” He asks, which makes you want to pinch yourself.
Did he really just ask me how I was before I asked him?
You just about manage to smile as you say, “Yeah I’m great, how are you?”
“Good thanks, excited for the gig.” The singer smiles, and you can’t help but find it unnerving that he’s giving you his undivided attention. Alex follows up like he’s curious, “I didn’t think you were coming to any shows?”
“Oh no.” You shake your head, thinking Katie must have forgotten to tell the lads she invited you. “What's better than a gig, right?”
“Right.” Alex smiles, and it shocks you because it actually seems genuine, “Glad you could make it.”
Is he drunk? Why is he talking to me? He’s glad I could make it????? What now?
You smile at each other then. But your brain is all too aware that after two seconds there’s nothing more to say. So as you try to stop yourself from getting skittish, or making it more awkward.
“You been enjoying the tour?” You ask him, but you don’t give him any time to reply because you start your nervous talking, “I’ve seen a few videos and they’ve been good. Four Out Of Five seems to really pop off. I like that one, might be my favourite off the new album actually. But I really like One Point Perspective too.”
“Good choices.” Alex chuckles and you can’t help but silently scorn yourself for being awkward.
God, you wish you could have one normal interaction with him.
“Oh,” Alex’s eyes seem to light up for a second before he tells you, “Follow me a second, got something for you.”
You frown at him, not believing what he said in the slightest. You ask in confusion, “Me?”
“Yeah.” Alex nods and turns with a gesture for you to follow him.
The shock of it is what actually makes you move. You can’t help but whisper a small, “Oh.” though.
He surely has to be drunk?
But what’s mind-boggling is that he really isn’t. On the way out Miles asked him if he wanted another drink and Alex responded yes and added ‘this is only my first, definitely need one more before I go on’.
He leads you out of the room everyone was in and around the corner to where a group of the crew guys are. There’s a quiet word exchanged with who you assume to be the main crew guy and you watch from behind Alex as the guy nods at him and a second later he hands the lead singer something.
You shake your head as soon as you see Alex turn back to you and hold up the AAA pass that’s hanging from the lanyard he’s trying to give you.
“Oh Alex, I don't need that.” You shake your head, “I like watching from the arena.”
Half of them in that room watch from a box which is where you expected to be watching from. It’s no issue to you where you are in the arena, it’s nice enough you were invited by Katie to come tonight for free. Christ knows you wouldn’t have been able to get a ticket on Ticketmaster.
“Come on,” Alex presses on, “I’ve never seen you back here.”
Because you really like watching from the arena. You’ve never been at the side of the stage and you’re not sure if you want to be. You’ll just feel like you’re in the way.
You try to argue your point, “But-”
“No buts,” Alex smiles as he puts the lanyard over your head so it falls around your neck like a necklace. The singer continues, “You can’t be leaving Katie on her own. She’s been missing you for the last two weeks. I’m sure Jamie will like you being at the side of the stage too.”
He gives your shoulders an encouraging squeeze and the smile on his face makes you believe that you’ve swapped bodies with Katie for a hot second. He’s never talked to you like this before.
“Thanks Alex.” You smile sheepishly, not really knowing what else to do other than accept in this situation, “You really didn’t have to do that.”
The singer shakes his head like he doesn’t need your thanks. He just smiles at you and says, “It's nice seeing you here.”
It goes silent for a second then between you and your mind scrambles for something to talk about so this surprisingly good interaction doesn’t take a turn for the worst. You’re thankful it’s not your rambling that ends the conversation though.
Someone from the crew a bit further down the hall shouts Alex’s name then which makes the both of you turn to look at where the voice came from. You both see someone wave and then they tap their ear at the same time they almost do the Asda Price bum tap thing.
Whatever it is goes straight over your head. But Alex seems to understand because he nods and holds up a finger telling him one minute.
“Sorry to be a pain,” Alex says as he turns back to you, “They are shouting me for something about my mic pack.”
“It’s okay.” You smile.
Alex smiles back at you, and he says, “See ya in a bit Y/N, hope you enjoy the show.”
“Always do.” You smile and as you turn back around, you say, “Break a leg.”
The singer just smiles at you and you head your separate ways.
Great. Now you just sound like a fucking suck up. Go and get another drink Y/N/N. For fucks sake.
~*~*~*~
Surprisingly, that isn’t your only interaction with Alex tonight. During the short interval between the encore, when they came off stage both Alex and Matt came over and talked to you whilst Nick and Jamie spoke to their wives.
You were tipsy at that point so you started chatting their ear off like you usually did and Matt of course entertained you, but what surprised you most is that Alex was actually smiling. He actually seemed interested in what you had to say - even if it was just nervous bullshit - and he didn’t try to look for someone else to talk to which was very surprising to you. But that was probably just because Matt was there though.
Expecting that to be it, you didn’t give the singer much thought other than that. Knowing that you’re all going into town after this with quite a lot of people settles your nervous energy. You’ll probably have Katie and Kelly to yourself for most of the night because of their men interacting with everyone who wants to speak to them.
And for the most part you’re right about that. Katie gets you drunk, to the point where you’ve had to stop drinking for about an hour so you don’t throw up in the toilets. But the party is still in full swing and you - along with everyone else - have had a nice night.
You’ve just come back from the toilet and you’re looking around for Katie who has now disappeared from the table you were previously at. Kelly had gone home a little earlier, leaving Nick here to have his fun, so you and Katie had been chatting the night away and you’ll be getting a taxi with her back home because you live a 10 minute walk away from her house.
You just take your seat back at the table you were previously sitting on and pull your phone out. The last thing you wanted to do was interrupt anyone else's conversation so you were happy waiting for Katie to find her way back to you.
Sitting there, your still tipsy mind is paying no real attention to what you’re seeing on Instagram. You do find yourself singing along to the Tame Impala song that's playing in the room which you can just about hear over the noise of the busy chattering.
“Hey,” Alex's voice startles you out of your thoughts as he comes and sits himself down next to you with a smile on his face as he asks, “You enjoy the show?”
“Hey, yeah,” You nod, taking a deep breath to stop your shocked heart from giving out. Smiling, you tell him, “Well done.”
“Thanks, Y/N.” Alex grins back at you, and he places a glass down in front of you, “Got you a drink.”
“Oh,” Your eyes go a little wide looking at the whisky glass he’s put down in front of you, “Thank you.”
You pick it up and swirl the liquid around the two ice cubes and initially you thought it was whisky like he’s currently drinking, but you notice the liquid is lighter and a little thicker. Is this your favourite liqueur?
And the singer confirms that it is your favourite drink when he must notice you glancing at your drink. He brings you out of your thoughts and you look back at him as he speaks.
“You drink Amaretto on the rocks when you’re out, right?” Alex nods down to your drink like he’s worried he got it wrong.
“Yeah, yeah.” You nod, completely baffled that he knew that about you, but you smile nonetheless, “Thank you, you didn’t have to get me that.”
Christ, what a good guess on his part.
Alex smiles, “Least I can do.”
You take a sip of the drink and you can’t help but love the taste of it. And after not drinking for an hour or so, the taste is lovely and refreshing on your tongue.
“Did you enjoy your show?” You ask to fill the silence between you.
Granted the noise in the busy room makes his absence of conversation not as bad, but you hate the awkward feeling in your chest. Talking always makes it feel better and your tipsy self can’t control what you say anyway.
“I bet you don’t hear that a lot, or I guess you might.” You ramble, “But I imagine, with performing like that, you just get a lot of people telling you that they enjoyed themselves despite you maybe not feeling it was your best or whatever.”
You notice his lip twitch up at that and you feel like you’ve just shot yourself in the foot. “Sorry, that made it sound like I’m saying you were shit. I’m not. You weren’t. I’m just saying, bet you don’t really get asked a lot. So yeah, um, sorry.”
After the singer takes another sip of his drink, he smiles, “You don’t need to apologise… Yeah, I enjoyed myself. It was probably the best night this week.”
You nod at that, taking another sip of your Amaretto before you open your mouth again, “That’s good. I guess it makes the home shows more special. Has anywhere ever beaten home shows? I imagine all the UK ones are pretty special with you all literally travelling around the world.”
“God, big question.” Alex chuckles a little, before looking at the ceiling as if the answer was written up there. He comes back with, “I think home shows are the rowdiest and loudest which is fun. I think the best ever was Glastonbury though.”
You grin, “Which one? First or second time?”
“Full of good questions.” Alex smiles before he swirls his glass around as he thinks which reminds you of something else entirely.
“Oh,” You practically giggle, which brings his attention back to you, “You make me laugh when you do that ‘losing your train of thought’ thing on stage. Wasn’t aware that an Arctic Monkeys show is actually shitty stand up comedy these days.”
“Offended you think it's shit.” Alex scoffs which makes you drunkenly giggle.
As you finish laughing you shrug and tell him, “Was better in the days that you did the kung fu fighting thing still.”
“Damn,” Alex shakes his head, “Need to step my game back up. Any other suggestions?”
You think about it for a second and you’re just about to give him a long spiel of awkward suggestions that probably should never leave your mouth. But they thankfully don’t because the most gorgeous wife in the world comes back over and grabs your attention.
“Hey Y/N,” Katie grins at you with her coat folded over her arm and she asks, “You ready to go?”
“Yeah,” You nod, grabbing your coat from just beside you, “Yeah.”
As you slip your coat on and finish your drink in a quick mouthful, Alex keeps Katie entertained.
“Mrs Cook.” Alex grins, taking a sip of his beer after calling her out, “You lightweight.”
You have an amused grin on your face as she frowns at him, “Some of us have kids to look after in the morning, Turner.”
“I’m so glad I'm not you right now.” You laugh honestly.
The last thing you’d want was to be hungover and then have to get up early to deal with kids in the morning. Definitely not happening any time in your near future.
“You and me both.” Alex chuckles before he glances back at Katie. “Did you have a good night Mrs Cook.”
“Stop calling me Mrs Cook, you make me feel old.” She playfully scorns him.
“You are old.” Alex fires back just as cocky as she was, pointing out some fair points, “You’ve been married for half a decade and you have a child.”
Katie scowls at the singer then, and she fires back, “Well at least I don’t have a fucking ugly orange settee where I choose to live.”
You have to laugh at that. You’ve heard about how weird and wonderful this sofa is. You know she’s hated it ever since she’d seen it when he moved in, but Alex apparently likes how his furnished flat came. So he’s not changing it.
Alex argues back, with a look of determination, “It matches the blue walls.”
“Your flat looks like a pop art painting.” Katie fires back, narrowing her eyes at him.
“You’re just jealous because you can’t have pretty things like that because your kid will draw on it.” Alex defends himself with a grin, before adding his final joking remarks, “And you’re boring because you have your Mum brain on all the time.”
“At least she’s a milf.” You grin at her, “It’s very lucky Jamie is away so much. Get her all to myself.”
Katie burst out laughing at that and you hear Alex chuckle at you too. Not that you’ll remember any of this tomorrow, you can practically feel the memories already leaving your mind.
Christ, that one extra drink has really done you over. You feel just as drunk again. God you already don’t want the hangover tomorrow.
Katie tells you that she’s going to go and find a few people to say goodbye to and that she’ll meet you over by the door in a few minutes. So you politely ask Alex to let you up from the booth you’re in and he does so without any argument.
As you stand in front of him, the singer wonders aloud, “You’re coming tomorrow, right?”
“Oh I, um,” You don’t really know what to say other than, “I didn’t know I was invited?”
The last thing you wanted to do was be in the way again. Because god knows at some points tonight when the crew was running around you, Katie, and Kelly you felt like you were in the way. And you never want to outstay your welcome anyway.
“Course you are,” Alex tells you, and he says as if it’s obvious, “You’ve been on the guestlist all week, Y/N.”
“Oh.” You say, a little dumbfounded because you really didn’t know and his gaze still makes you feel a little uneasy.
Well if Katie had told you she’d done that for you you might have been able to come a few dates earlier. Or maybe not considering it’s still been a little awkward tonight with Alex, you’re grateful for the conversations you’ve had though.
But you won’t remember your discussions with him because you’ve had so much to drink. And tomorrow you’ll blame your hangover on Katie for more than likely asking Jamie to put the Disaronno in his rider.  
“You don’t have to,” Alex backtracks a little, but it’s nonchalant and you think nothing of it anyway. He follows it up with, “Just thought that you usually spend your saturday nights with Katie and she's here anyway. You’re welcome to come again.”
How kind of him. He must have been abducted by aliens and this is a nicer clone. There's absolutely no other explanation to your tipsy mind.
“Thanks, yeah,” You nod and the singer smiles at you when you confirm, “I’ll be there.”
Because you won’t be turning down free live music or alcohol any time soon.
You glance at the door and notice Katie giving Jamie a kiss so you figure it’s time to get going yourself. You look back at Alex and he smiles knowing what you must already be thinking.
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N/N.” Alex grins and you give him a smile and a small ‘bye’ as you turn to leave.
But the singer shouts your name after you take a few steps away, so when you turn back to him, he answers your earlier question, “First time. First Glastonbury blew my mind.”
All you seem to be able to do in response to that is grin. You nod a little before saying, “See you tomorrow Alex.”
~*~*~*~ 20th August 2018 ~*~*~*~
“I want to cry, the Uber cancelled again.” Katie whines, pouting slightly as she looks out of the window at the rain.
“Just our luck for not booking a proper taxi in advance.” Jamie sighs, scorning himself for not thinking better of it earlier.
Tonight you, Katie, Jamie, and Alex had been out separately but you’d all convened back together at the Cook household so Jamie’s parents could be relieved of babysitting duties. You and Katie shared another bottle of wine and gossiped for another 2 hours whilst the boys drank their beer and chipped into the conversation now and again.
“It’s not the end of the world,” Alex tells them, “We don’t live that far away.”
“Yeah, I’ll just brave the cold.” You assure Katie, and add in a little jest using air quotes, “At least it’s ‘summer’ and not snowing.”
“But the rain.” Katie points to the window.
Yeah walking home at the end of the night in the rain can be a little shit. But it was nothing you’d not done before. Granted you were like 21 the last time you’d done that but it’s really not the end of the world.
“It’s not heavy, I'll be okay.” You promise her to try and ease her worries, “At least I’ll go home looking like a drowned rat and not the other way around.”
You grab your coat from near the door and Katie follows you saying, “You can’t walk home on your own at three am, Y/N.”
“I’ll be fine.” You tell her as you slip your shoes back on.
Alex shocks both you and Katie to your cores when he says, “I’ll walk her home.”
Katie mustn’t be able to believe her ears because she asks, “What?”
You almost laugh, because she sounds like she’s as shocked as she was when Alex walked in on your wine night with Jamie and Nick the other month and she first saw his buzzed hair cut.
“We live the same way with about five minutes between us.” Alex points out, and he looks at you and nods, “I’ll walk you home.”
So that is how you’re currently walking from the Cook’s house to your own with Alex by your side.
Since Jamie’s party when he came up to you and asked why you didn’t think he liked you, the singer had surprisingly been a little better with you. He said hello to you and he seemed to engage a little more.
He’s still quiet around you, but you’ve noticed now that he goes like that around most people he doesn’t really know that well. You guess you can’t really change that though considering whenever you start asking him questions he doesn’t really give you much of an answer.
You’ve come to terms with that thought which is why you’re biting your tongue as you walk beside him. The urge to start asking him a bunch of questions is really strong but you’d rather not have the sinking feeling in your chest when you just receive one word answers back.
To occupy yourself as you’ve been walking the past few minutes, you’ve been running over the lyrics of your favourite song in your head. Alex seems to be in his head as it is so you don’t feel too bad as you walk despite the strong urge to rid yourself of the awful silence between you.
All you really focus on is making sure the umbrella that Katie lent you keeps you dry. Alex had a coat with a hood and even when you offered to share the umbrella with him he told you it was fine and that was the last thing you said to each other.
Or that was until Alex speaks up and asks you, “Am I right in thinking you were married?”
“Yeah for four years.” You nod, glancing over at him, and chuckling a little, “If you can believe it.”
Thank fuck he spoke up. The silence was eating away at you.
Alex’s eyes go a little wide, “Really?”
The poor man probably shouldn’t have asked, because the floodgates you were holding shut have just burst open and your nervous chatter just comes out. And considering you’re drunk, there is no chance you can stop it.
“Yeah, together since we were sixteen. Married at twenty one and stayed together for four years. But we just didn’t love each other anymore. Well, not in the way that qualifies you still be married to someone.” You ramble on before continuing, “Don’t get me wrong I would be devastated if something happened to him. Touch wood nothing does. But we just lived separate lives, went to work, came back home, and went to bed. Half the time he did shifts so I never saw him.”
You carry on to explain, “My life was just boring and I thought to myself I shouldn’t be feeling bored aged twenty-five. I wanted to travel and see the world but I just got a mortgage straight away so the only travelling we ever did was when we went to Vegas and got married.”
“So I got divorced, and how sad is it that I've got to tell people I'm a thirty one year old divorcee.” You finish off with.
But then you realise who you’ve said all of that to. And that he doesn’t like chatting to you at the best of times. So he probably didn’t care about anything you just told him, or appreciated the amount of rambling you just did.
You feel the need to say, “Sorry.” and you glance at Alex as you sheepishly say, “You didn’t really ask that, did you?”
For fucks sake Y/N. A ‘yes’ would have done!
“It’s okay.” Alex assures you with a small smile.
“No, it's just me rambling when I'm drunk and nervous.” You scorn yourself, hating the uneasy feeling in your chest. Unable to understand why you do it, you still end up saying, “I’m sorry. I’m a chatty person in general and getting alcohol into my system just makes me worse. Not to mention if I'm nervous too… Can never stop me going then.”
You guess getting it off your chest and him knowing that about you may make you easier to understand. Maybe he won’t find you as annoying because the last thing you want is to annoy him. You’re close with Katie and Jamie so you’re bound to run into each other more now he’s going to be living in Sheffield.
The singer frowns a little then before looking back to you to curiously ask, “Why are you nervous?”
Because you’re the most awkward man to talk to possibly ever?!!??!??!?
Course you can’t say that though. So you give the other true reason.
“I don’t like walking home in the dark usually.” You tell him sincerely, because it does freak you out. “I don’t know, bit of an irrational fear at this point but someone followed me home when I was younger and it really freaked me out. So um yeah… Thank you for doing this.”
“It’s really not a problem Y/N/N,” He smiles at you in what seems like a genuine way then, “I wasn’t going to let you walk home alone.”
You can’t help but think that’s really kind of him considering he really doesn’t know you very well. You tell him, “You’re a gooden, Alex.”
The singer just smiles a little at that, but you can see he’s being completely genuine when he says, “Sorry that happened to you.”
You give him a small smile then, appreciating how sincerely he said it. But you don’t really want to dwell on that whilst you’re walking in the dark so you change the subject.
“Do you prefer being back in Sheffield after all your time away?”
Alex wonders in what context you’re on about, so he questions, “You mean like over tour?”
“No, I mean like from living in different places because you were in New York when I first met you. Then you were in LA and you’ve got a place over there, right?” You double check, looking to him for assurance.
Alex nods and you continue, “Then you were to and from LA and London, right? And now you decided to come and stay back home? Or do you not plan on staying now?”
And you’re pleasantly surprised at the lengthy answer he gives you.
“Oh I'm definitely staying in Sheffield now… At least for a little while after the tour is finished.” He explains, “I think I just need time back where everything is normal and familiar again. Like Miles goes and stays back home quite often and I’ve not been back here for more than two months maybe since I was twenty two… It’s a long time away and it's quite nice to just come back and feel normal.”
You understand what he’s saying completely, but you can’t help but jokingly add, “Well… As normal as you can, being the front man of Sheffield's pride and joy.”
Alex laughs a little at that which shocks you because you never expected to make him laugh. But he does remind you, “You’re forgetting about Pulp.”
“You’re forgetting Pulp haven’t released anything since 2012.” You raise your eyebrows at him as your defence.
“Fair dos,” Alex laughs a little and you take what joy you can out of the fact that you made that happen. “But yeah, I like being myself back here and I like that I’m with most of my good friends and I get to be a proper uncle to the kids over here now.”
“They talk about you all the time. It's funny.” You can’t help but grin at the thought of your little god children, “Katie blames Jamie for being gone on you so when Katie has Kelly and Nick’s kids round too they complain like ‘Why has Uncle Alex taken Dad away again?’” You mimic in a whiney voice that again makes Alex laugh.
Alex chuckles, “I need to have a word with that Mrs Cook. She’ll get me into trouble with them.”
You promise him, “It’s nothing a chocolate bar wouldn’t solve.”
“I must owe them so much chocolate.” Alex grins.
You nod and begin to slow your walking down because you’re about to reach your house, “Oh yeah, you definitely do.”
“I’ll get Katie to invoice me.” The singer says as he notices you glance to the houses just beside you both and you slow down.
Matching your speed, you both come to a stop just in front of your house and you smile at the singer, “Thank you for walking me home.”
“Not a problem, Y/N.” Alex smiles back and you’re really glad that
You start slowly moving closer to your house as you say, “I hope the next leg of your tour goes well.”
“Thank you.” He says as he watches you get closer to your house.
“See you soon Alex.” You say with a smile as you unlock your door and push it open. “Thanks again.”
Alex smiles, “Bye Y/N.”
~*~*~*~ 24th November 2018 ~*~*~*~
Chaos. That is the only word to describe the current situation that you’re in.
The Cook household is manic, Forrest is running round like a mad man as any toddler who’s just been given sweets by his uncle would be doing.
Toys are everywhere and Jamie is running around too as he’s been tasked with tidying them before the grandparents get here to babysit. Katie scolded Alex for giving Forrest sweets before they were due to go out before she went upstairs to get ready.
Katie’s Mum wasn’t here yet to babysit Forrest for the night whilst you were all going out and that added to the stress because the taxi was due in about 25 minutes. So you’re trying your best to be the good Auntie that you are and calm your godchild down before you all go out, but your good nature results in a causality.
Alex catches your arm as you almost fall over a mountain of toys Forrest decided to pull you through, but as you tried to salvage your footing you must have caught the leg of the table your shin smacked into as well. It didn’t hurt too much, the initial shock of it got you and the fact you almost fell over, but then you hear the awful sound of fabric ripping, it makes you wince. You know what's happened before you even look down to check.
“You’ve got to be fucking joking.” You mutter under your breath before you quickly glance at Alex and say a small, “Thanks.” as he stopped you from going arse over tit.
Alex asks slightly concerned, “Are you okay?” and that’s the first interaction with him since you walked in the door ten minutes ago.
You could blame that on the fact the Cook’s household was fucking mental, but it’s more than likely just normal that he doesn’t want to talk to you. You’re just glad he caught you if nothing else, the last thing you need is to fall and bruise yourself.
“Yeah, thanks,” You nod, letting go of his arm you were still grasping to perch on the back of the settee so you can get a look at the damage done to your tights, “Can’t say the same about them, for fucks sake.”
They are beyond salvageable. There’s a massive hole in the calf which is that big it almost fully reaches round to your shin. Theres now a massive fucking ladder up the side of them which makes them more transparent and you can feel it’s gone right up to your arse too.
“I can’t go out like this.” You sigh, wondering what you can do but it also pisses you off because you literally arrived a matter of minutes ago in your taxi feeling really good about yourself for a hot second, but now that’s all fucking disipated.
Jamie shrugs, suggesting, “Take them off.” as he watches Forrest play with some toys across the room.
“Oh yeah,” You roll your eyes, and your sarcasm rings clear telling him that you’re not in the mood for such a simple comment like that. You wore them for a reason, and that reason is because it’s fucking freezing outside, “And get fucking hypothermia because I’m shivering all night? I don’t think so Jamie.”
You’re only wearing a skirt tonight because Katie asked you to anyway. She wanted you to wear the skirt version of the dress that she had which you were fine with doing.
Katie was wearing a really cute red tartan dress with a long sleeve black top underneath whereas you opted to buy the dark green high waisted tartan skirt and you paired that with a white long sleeve top and you had your tights and ankle boots on.
You’re bloody freezing as it is, the last thing you want or need is to be taking your tights off. It’s a strong no from you.
“I mean you wanted a quick fix.” Jamie holds his hands up in innocence and you just ignore him for a second before walking out of the lounge and to the bottom of the stairs after hearing your best friend begin to walk down them.
“Katie, do you have tights I could borrow?” You ask her as she gets to the bottom of the stairs.
“I binned all mine the other day and ordered more but they haven't arrived yet.” She tells you and your once jolly mood plummets further, “They all had holes in them… How come?”
You show her your right leg and you turn slightly to pull your skirt up a little, making sure the lads don’t see but Katie can see just how high the ladder runs up.
“Oh.” Katie winces at that, feeling bad she can’t help you.
“I’ve got stockings you could wear?” She offers as the both of you walk back into the lounge, “They’d come up to your thigh?”
You almost want to slap her. You know exactly where those items of her clothing have been, which is why you give her a disgusted look as you say, “I’m not wearing stockings that you’ve been wearing whilst Jamie’s railed you.”
“They’ve been washed.” She scoffs.
“Thanks, but no. I can’t wear these though.” You sigh as you both walk into the lounge. You stick by the arched frame though and after a second of deliberation, you say, “Whilst you're sorting yourself out, I’ll walk home and change.”
Katie looks at you with concern filled eyes, “But the taxi is due in twenty minutes.”
“Exactly, and you don't have the time to be messing about.” You say as she’s clearly still got things to sort out. She’s only just now plugging her straighteners in and she doesn’t have her shoes on yet either. You continue with, “And your Mum isn’t here yet to look after Forrest. If you can pick me up on the way out, that’d be grand.”
Katie nods at you through the mirror as she starts parting her hair so she can style it, “Yeah that’s fine.”
“Right, I’ll go now then.” You tell the room before turning to grab your coat from the bannister.
But you almost stop dead when you hear Alex say, “I’ll walk with you.”
Did those words really just leave Alex Turner’s mouth?
They clearly did because he’s pulling his jacket back on and taking a step towards you. Not wanting to be a burden, you shake your head, “You don’t have to, it’s not that late.”
“It’s okay, I’ll walk with you.” Alex insists, giving you a look that’s assuring but he makes it lighthearted by saying, “Gives them more incentive to come and pick the both of us up from yours then, right?”
You assume he must remember from your walk home a few months ago that you didn’t like walking home in the dark. You see no other reason for him as to be so kind to offer. So you don’t argue with him further, even though you already feel nervous to have to spend time with him alone.
“Right.” You nod and avert your gaze from his. You look back to Katie and Jamie and say, “See you in a bit.”
~*~*~*~
The walk home was uncomfortable to say the least. Despite your speed walking, it really did seem to take forever to get back to your house with silence between you and the singer.
You’ve got past the point of trying to start a full conversation with him at this point, so you just opted to repeat the lyrics to your favourite song, Not fair by Lily Allen, to yourself three times knowing that by the time you finish the song in full for the third time you should be home. And when you’re correct, you’re very thankful.
Unlocking and getting into your house leaves a new sense of anxiety in your stomach though. You’ve left the place a fucking mess and you hate that when someone new walks in. Especially someone like Alex who hasn’t always been the nicest to you in the past, so you start rambling again as you let the both of you in.
“My house is a tip so sorry about this.” You tell him as you quickly slip your boots off so you can change your tights when you get a second. “Please ignore everything you see. I’ve really not had any time to clean up today. I was out this morning and then by the time I got back katie was mithering me to get ready for tonight which is fucking comical because she wasn’t ready even before we left.”
Alex closes the door behind and walks into your home and you don’t need to look at him to know he’s already looking around at your possessions. Most people do when they walk in anyway considering the back wall of your lounge displays your ever growing record collection.
You’re unsurprised when you hear him say, “Christ, that’s a lot of records.”
“I know right,” You smile and walk the both of you further into your home.  
And because you can’t handle silence as you start searching your shopping bags for a new pair of tights, you give him another anecdote, “My Dad gave me all of his from back in the day. Couldn’t believe it when he said I could have them all. I’d only just started my collection at the time and I probably had about twenty of my own and then he gave me all of his because he said it was old technology and he’ll never have any use for them anymore. And then my grandparents followed suit and they gave me all theirs too. Couldn’t believe my luck.”
“Three generations worth of collectors then?” Alex smiles and you nod.
“Yeah, I guess so.” You nod, not bothering with the bag you were currently routing through anymore because you’re a little bit taken aback by the fact he’s pulled your favourite Gorillaz album out.
Abandoning your search for replacement tights for the moment, you carry on your story as you watch him, “Been fun adding to the big collection though. I love just putting on a record to pass the time. It’s why my Spotify unwrapped is always so shit because I always listen to my LPs and not on my phone so at the end of the year it’s like ‘you listened to two thousand minutes of music this year’ and it’s bullshit because I just listen to so much more but it’s all on my turntable unless I'm walking to work.”
Alex hums with a smile on his face as he continues searching for more records. He’s pleased to see all of his own up there, including his EP, the TLSP albums, and the Submarine soundtrack. And when he pulls out Miles’ latest album Coup De Grace, he can’t help but chuckle seeing that Miles had signed it and written a message to you saying, ‘Y/N/N, my biggest fan in the world. Love you loads and I hope you enjoy the new tunes. All my love, Miles x’.
When you notice the singer looking at that, you laugh and tell him how Miles had given you a lovely message on the front of all his LPs.
“Bless Miles, he always writes me a nice message on each album I get sent.” You start to ramble as you search for new tights. “I don’t really remember when he started doing it… Oh yeah I do, I think it may have been when I mentioned when I first met him how much I liked Age of the Understatement and we were talking about it for ages. And then like a month later I get the record in the post and he’s signed it and it had the sweetest message on the front to go with it and he’s never stopped. He’s a gem.”
You stop talking about Miles when you get baffled for a moment how your tights weren’t in the shopping bag from the shop you thought you bought them from. So your search persists as you carry on routing in other bags you’ve yet to take upstairs.
As you do though, your nervous chatter persists. You really hate that you can’t stop it, and you’re sure you’re annoying your guest but he doesn’t stop you, and thankfully he doesn’t look annoyed by them today. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t take you by surprise today by actively starting a conversation with you.
Just as you’re about to run upstairs to your room, you hear Alex ask, “Can I ask you a question?”
If Katie would have asked you that, you’d have said ‘You just did’ but because it’s Alex and you’re certain he doesn’t get your humour, nor would he tolerate it, you just say, “Yeah, of course you can.”
And you walk back into your lounge so you’re not being rude as you wait for his question. Alex looks as relaxed as possible as you feel like your heart is going to start beating out of your chest despite him still plucking records from your shelves.
His brown eyes linger on you as he asks, “Do I make you nervous?”
You certainly weren't expecting that question.
“What do you mean?” You find yourself asking, not understanding where that’s come from and you feel like you’re frozen in your spot.
Alex seems to think about his words before they leave his mouth next. And your heart that's thudding ten to the dozen in your chest doesn’t feel like it’s able to cope for much longer so you’re very thankful when he says what's on his mind.
“Well when I walked you home in the summer, you said that you ramble when you're drunk or nervous. And yes, on a few occasions we've seen each other lately we’ve been drunk, but you’re not now and you’re exactly the same.” Alex points out as he looks between you and the track listing on the back of your Brian Eno LP.
“You’re really chatty and jumpy when I come near you and it's like you’re flustered and jittery... Like the way a fan usually is but you’ve known me for too long for it to be that, so that’s why I'm asking,” Alex repeats himself, “Do I make you nervous?”
“Erm, yeah.” You nod, unable to say much else, “I guess you do.”
“In what way?” The singer asks you as he puts the record back where he found it before giving you his full attention and starts making his way over to you.
“I’m not scared of you or anything… You just really stress me out. I can never read you, never read what mood you’re in or even whether you like me as a person or you just think I’m Katie’s annoying friend that never shuts up.” You struggle for your words because you truly don’t know how to tell him without offending him. The last thing you’d want is for him to dislike you anymore.
But Alex’s gaze and increasing proximity makes you say more, “I don’t really know why you make me nervous after all this time. But you definitely unsettle me.”
You want to curl up into a ball and hide. You feel fidgety with the closer he gets and you want to avoid his gaze. But because he’s pointed it out, you don’t allow yourself. You stay strong and keep his eye contact despite his teasing.
“When you’re around me you talk like you- I don’t know how to describe it… You almost act like someone who's addicted to the E-numbers in sweets.” Alex grins, almost like it’s a little inside joke with himself. You try to keep yourself calm when he reaches his point, as he stops a few feet in front of you. “So that's why I’m curious if I made you nervous or not.”
“Well I guess the simple answer is yes.” You nod, but now with him so close, you try to look anywhere but at him.
This is far too awkward for your liking. Alex hums in response to that and he plucks another record that you recognise to be Histoire de Melody Nelson from your shelf that’s just beside you.
You think you’ve escaped the conversation now and you pray you can just go back to being awkwardly silent with each other and never relive that again. But apparently that’s not the plan.
Just as you were turning yourself around again to head upstairs, Alex leaves you shell shocked when he asks, “Do you want to fuck me?”
Instantly your eyes are the widest they could possibly get and you’re sure your jaw falls open. Looking at him intently to try and make sure you’re not dreaming this, you deadpan, “Excuse me?”
“Do you want to fuck me?” Alex asks, putting the record back like it's the most casual thing to ask someone he barely speaks to, “Is that why I make you nervous?”
This should be the easiest response you’ve ever given him.
“I-”
But your words fail you. Your heart feels like it’s about to beat out of your chest.
Wait… Do I want to fuck him?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: So... What did you think??? What do you think is going to happen next??? Did you enjoy it? I really hope you did! 
Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist x
Taglist: @alovesreading​ @kennedy-brooke​ @ohladymoon​ @hazskillerqueen​ @more-multifandom-of-maddness @thereisaplaceintheheart​ 
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dystopicjumpsuit · 9 months
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Stars Beyond Number - Chapter 19
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The Way the World Ends, Part 3
Rating: T (rating varies by chapter; mature content will be tagged; regardless of rating, minors DNI)
Pairings: Echo x Riyo Chuchi; Gregor x OFC Cerra Kilian
Wordcount: 2.9k
Warnings and tags: angst; suspense; canon-typical violence; someone gets punched; blood and injury; language.
Suggested Listening:
Summary: Echo arrives in Pabu; the team disagrees about how to proceed.
A/N: This story shares continuity with Martyrs and Kings, "Double, Double Boil and Trouble" (part 2 here) and "Do It Again," but all the fics can be read as stand-alones.
Start here | Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist | Sign up for my tag list | Read on AO3
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…This is the way the world ends…
—T. S. Eliot, “The Hollow Men”
To say Pabu was beautiful would be grossly inadequate: it was the most idyllic place Echo had ever seen, and he’d seen a kriffing lot of the galaxy. He didn’t know if a worse hell existed than Skako Minor, but it was difficult to imagine a heaven that was lovelier than Pabu. He wished Riyo could have been there with him to see it.
It felt very strange to sit in the sunshine and enjoy Shep Hazard’s feast, to drink whatever fruity cocktail the mayor had made from the fermented tropical fruit that grew on their island—all while conscious that the rest of his team was either stuck in that dingy underworld garage or out on missions that were equally likely to end in gruesome disaster as success. He didn’t blame Hunter for wanting to keep the rest of the Batch—and particularly Omega—safe in this paradise.
Despite all that, Echo didn’t regret his decision to join Rex for even a second. The team’s success at Balmorra had only reaffirmed that he’d made the right call. But he couldn’t deny that it was very good to see his family again. Hunter made it more than clear that Echo would be welcome to join them, and if he were honest with himself, Echo admitted that it was a tempting prospect: a peaceful life in this beautiful place, surrounded by the people who were closest to him.
But what about the others? The ones who weren’t lucky enough to have found peace and safety?
“Echo, you've seen the power you're up against,” Hunter said. “You can't defeat them.”
“It's not about that,” Echo insisted. “It's about fighting for our brothers.”
“I understand why you're doing this,” Hunter sighed, “but when will it be enough?”
Echo didn’t reply immediately, but the unspoken words hovered between them nonetheless: Not yet.
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“We have to tell him,” Fireball insisted.
“What good would it do?” Rex asked. “We need to get that data spike decrypted. If we tell Echo now, he’ll want to join in the search. We have to think about the bigger picture.”
“We could use some karking help with the search,” Nemec pointed out. “We still don’t know where Cerra is or even who took her.”
“My contact is looking into it,” Rex insisted. “If she’s in Imperial custody, we should know within a day or two.”
“And what if she isn’t?” Fireball asked. “How are we supposed to find her when we have no actionable intel?”
Riyo’s stomach churned. She couldn’t even believe they were having this conversation. Rex’s jaw was set firmly, but she could see the torment and self-doubt that swirled in his eyes.
“What if the situation were reversed?” she asked Rex. “If Echo knew something had happened to Cerra, and he decided to keep it from you?”
“I’d say he made the right decision,” Rex said. “The mission comes first.”
“That’s a kriffin’ lie,” Gregor said. “You’d burn the galaxy to the ground.”
“And what makes you say that?” Rex demanded harshly.
Gregor stared at Rex without flinching. “Because that’s what I’d do.”
“I have to agree,” Riyo said. “I’m sorry, Rex. If you don’t comm Echo, I will.”
Rex sighed and dropped his head into his hands. “Just… Give me a day. If I don’t hear back from my contact by then, I’ll comm Echo myself.”
“And what if you hear back?” Gregor asked.
Rex didn’t respond, and Riyo knew he was considering the possibility that his contact wouldn’t have any information.
“Then we’ll make a decision at that point,” she said decisively. 
Rex met her eyes and nodded in acknowledgment. She wasn’t particularly thrilled, but she understood Rex’s reservations. There was really nothing Echo could do right now, and his mission was important. But the minute they had a shred of intel, she would comm him—Rex and his bigger picture be damned.
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“Previous transfer records recovered from the ship's logs list other clone prisoners detained by the Advanced Science Division,” Tech said, “and Crosshair is one of them.”
Wrecker spoke the thought that sprang to all of their minds: “You mean Crosshair turned on the Empire?”
Echo stared at Tech. If this were true, it could change everything. Crosshair had chosen the Empire, and he’d claimed to have done it without the influence of his inhibitor chip. Echo harbored private doubts that Crosshair’s chip had truly been removed, even if he thought it had. Regardless, if Crosshair had a change of heart about the Empire, that meant that there was hope that he would be willing to come back to the squad. Echo had lost too many brothers already. If there was the slightest chance that he could save Crosshair, he had to do it.
Tech and Echo threw themselves into the task of combing through the data he’d recovered from the Gozanti, and then into hunting down any leads they could find on Hemlock and the Advanced Science Division in Republic and Imperial records. There was precious little, and after an exhaustive search, Echo sent a message to Rex asking for assistance. 
Echo was surprised by how quickly Rex commed him back. He answered the call aboard the Remora; better for everyone involved if the Batch knew as little as possible about the details of Rex’s operations. The more they knew, the bigger the targets on their backs would grow.
“Echo,” Rex greeted him without preamble. “My contact came through with limited intel on your Dr. Hemlock, but we do know that he’s set to travel to Eriadu in two rotations.”
“That’s not much time,” Echo frowned. “What’s he doing there?”
“Attending some sort of summit at Tarkin’s compound with a bunch of Imperials. Not sure who else will be there, but given how classified it is, safe to say they’re all high-level officials.”
Echo grunted. “Tight security, then. Couldn’t take it with an army, but maybe a strike team could infil. Anything else?”
Rex shook his head, his expression troubled. “Someone has gone to a lot of trouble to make it seem like Hemlock doesn’t exist. They’re not going to be happy to see a squad of wanted fugitives tracking him down.”
“We don’t have a choice. If he has Crosshair, we have to get him back,” Echo said firmly. “He’s our brother. Besides, Hemlock is holding other clones, too.”
“I understand,” Rex replied, but doubt clouded his eyes.
“We could use some backup,” Echo observed. 
“I wish I could send it,” Rex said. “Echo… there’s something you need to know.”
“What is it?” Echo asked. “Riyo—”
“She’s all right,” Rex said. “It’s about Cerra.”
Echo’s short-lived relief spiraled into a sense of foreboding. “What happened?”
“She went missing on an extraction mission. We still don’t know who took her.”
“I’m coming back,” Echo said flatly.
“Negative,” Rex replied, his voice stern. “The whole team on Coruscant is working on it. Your mission is too important; we have no idea if or when we’ll get another lead on Hemlock.”
“Kriff Hemlock—” Echo began.
“Cerra would want you to put the mission first,” Rex interrupted. “You know it’s true.”
“Cerra has a karkin’ death wish!” Echo snapped. “She’s been looking for an excuse to self-destruct since I met her.”
“We won’t let that happen. We will find her. I need you to stay focused on your mission. We can’t spare the men for Eriadu, and we couldn’t make it in time anyway. It has to be you, Echo. We’re counting on you.”
Echo sat alone in the Remora for a long moment after Rex ended the holocom. He knew Rex was right, but it didn’t ease the sick feeling of dread when he thought about Cerra. Dank farrik, he’d only just begun to get through to her, and now he might have lost her for good—his last link to Fives.
The mission comes first.
He’d get his brother back first, and if the team hadn’t found Cerra by then, he swore by the Force he’d get his sister back, too. 
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Cerra awoke to the familiar gray walls of a Venator brig. She’d never been held in one before, but she’d seen them plenty of times during her years of service. She had no idea how much time had passed or even which Venator she was on. Her body ached, and hunger gnawed at her stomach. She took a quick stock of her situation.
Naturally, she’d been stripped of her weapons and armor, which was karking annoying. It was just her luck to lose her armor on the very first mission after she finished the modifications she’d been working on with Echo. The loss of the blasters cut deeper. Jesse had customized them for her specially years before, and they were all she had left from him. Even if she managed to escape, the odds were spectacularly bad that she would be able to find them on the Venator, if they’d even made it aboard.
That was assuming she lived long enough to escape. She had no delusions about her chances: she was being kept alive long enough to interrogate. Once they’d ripped the answers out of her, she would be terminated and jettisoned with the rest of the trash. If she were lucky, it would happen in that order.
All of which meant that she needed to escape before they had a chance to extract her secrets. All she had to do was break out of a completely secure holding cell, make her way through an enormous and heavily guarded starship, steal a ride, and jump into hyperspace before the Venator could engage its tractor beam—all without getting captured again. 
Easy peasy. 
She scoffed and flopped back down on the kriffing pathetic excuse for a bed. Clearly, prisoner comfort was not high on the list of priorities for jail cells. Nor was entertainment, which she discovered over the course of the next several days. Had she been bored when she was alone in the garage? That had been a paradise compared to the endless, colorless monotony of a Venator cell.
She slept, she woke, she slept again. Nothing changed, and she was forced to confront the very real possibility that she was going to die in this cell. She didn’t know how many days passed before the heavy tread of a TK trooper sounded outside her cell door.
“On your feet,” he barked. “Hands behind your head.”
She complied, keeping a wary eye on his blaster. He shut down the ray shield and entered the cell, then shoved her against the wall as he secured her wrists in a set of binders behind her back.
“You know, I usually expect a man to at least tell me his name before I let him tie me up,” she said, hoping to catch him off-balance.
“Quiet, scum,” he snapped.
Ah, well. Worth a shot.
“Get moving,” he ordered, nudging her out of the cell and into the corridor with the muzzle of his blaster.
“Where we headed?” she asked conversationally.
“Interrogation,” he replied shortly.
“Any chance we can stop at the commissary?” she asked. “I wouldn’t mind a snack. The prisoner rations here are—”
“Shut up,” he snapped. “Eyes front.”
Unfortunately, he never let down his guard, and his blasters were properly secured. Trust her to encounter the only competent TK trooper in the entire kriffin’ army. He marched her to the interrogation room and thrust her through the doorway. She stumbled, but righted herself in time to see the door slide closed and the lock engage. 
She took a quick inventory of the room. There was nothing inside except a table and two chairs; nothing she could use to escape or even loosen her binders. She paced around the room impatiently. After waiting a frankly impolite amount of time, at last she heard the door hiss open behind her.
“Cerra Kilian. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
Oh kark. 
She would recognize that voice anywhere, and she fought against a reflexive urge to snap to attention. Instead, she turned slowly around and inspected the man who’d entered the room.
“Admiral,” she drawled in greeting, hoping that he couldn’t hear the pounding of her heart or see the damp sheen of sweat that she suddenly felt on her forehead.
“It’s colonel, actually,” Wullf Yularen replied.
“Apologies, I didn’t realize you’d been demoted,” Cerra replied. From his narrowed eyes, she could tell the barb had struck home.
“It was a lateral move,” he replied. “An opportunity presented itself to be of greater service to the Empire.”
“Then I suppose congratulations are in order,” Cerra said.
“I can’t say the same for you,” Yularen said with a faint look of disgust as he surveyed her from her shaved head to her booted feet. “What on earth have you done to yourself? You used to be almost pretty.”
Always such a charmer. 
“Well, new Empire, new me,” she said glibly. “I think the new look suits me.”
“I suppose I shouldn’t expect better from a deserter and a traitor,” he said.
Cerra smirked. “Deserter, I’ll give you. But I hardly think a few shady back-alley deals constitute treason. If they did, you’d have to arrest the entire senate.”
Yularen clenched his jaw, but he didn’t rise to her bait. “You saved my life once, Lieutenant—or rather—Miss Kilian, and out of respect for that, I am going to give you a chance to do this the easy way. Tell me where to find your companions, and I will let you go free.”
Kraytshit, scughole. The only way you’re letting me out is in a body bag.
“I don’t have any companions,” she said. “I’m a free agent.”
Yularen’s lips tightened. He began to circle her, slowly, his shoulders ramrod straight, and his hands clasped behind his back.
“What were you doing on Daiyu?”
“What does anyone do on Daiyu?” she asked. “I was picking up a shipment of glitterstim.”
“You expect me to believe you abandoned your highly decorated military career to become a spice runner?” Yularen’s voice dripped with skepticism.
She shrugged. “Girl’s gotta make a living.”
He narrowed his eyes. “We know you were involved with the insurrection on Raada.” 
It was hardly an insurrection. I just blew up a speeder.
“What’s Raada?” she asked insouciantly.
“We have surveillance holos of you on the base. There’s no point in pretending ignorance.”
“Oh, you mean Raada, the moon,” Cerra said. “I was thinking about moving there, but I didn’t care much for the neighbors.”
“I see. I must admit, I was surprised to see a familiar face when we began to investigate the Raada incident. Careless. Almost as careless as trusting a spice runner not to give you up at the first hint of a reward.”
So that’s where the hole in our opsec was, Cerra thought grimly. Poor fucker.
“Hell of a reward,” she said. “Why do you care so much about a blown-up speeder, anyway?”
“Don’t pretend to be so innocent,” he gritted out. “Where is Ahsoka Tano?” 
“Who?” Cerra didn’t need to fake her confusion this time; she was truly baffled.
What in the galaxy does Ahsoka Tano have to do with anything? Cerra had met the young Jedi several times before she was transferred to the Ro-Ti-Mundi, but didn’t know her particularly well. Certainly not as well as Rex did. As far as Cerra knew, the girl had died along with the rest of the Jedi Order, even if she was a lapsed member.
“We know an adolescent Togruta Jedi killed an inquisitor on Raada and escaped mere days after you were caught on holocam at that base. Where is she?” Yularen demanded in a harsh tone.
“I thought all the Jedi were dead. What’s an inquisitor?” Cerra asked curiously. She hadn’t heard of them before, and she figured she might as well try to get as much information as she could on the off chance that she walked away from this mess.
Yularen backhanded her, hard. He struck so fast she never saw his fist coming before it smashed into her face. Her head snapped to the side, and she stumbled, but righted herself quickly as agony exploded in her mouth.
“Rude,” she gasped painfully. “I thought we were having a conversation.”
She tasted the salty, metallic flavor of blood, and she spat it onto the floor in front of Yularen’s feet.
“I gave you your chance to cooperate,” he said. “But it seems you’ve chosen to do it the hard way.”
“You know,” Cerra said, “you were a decent commanding officer. Bit of a hardass, but I never took you for a stooge. I guess you can never really know someone.”
“Strong words for a woman who betrayed everything she ever stood for,” Yularen said.
“I didn’t betray shit,” Cerra snarled. “And my only regret is that I dragged your fascist ass into the escape pod instead of saving more clones.”
He glared at her. “You will tell me everything.”
“Don’t hold your breath,” she said.
“I won’t need to. Guard!” Yularen snapped. The TK trooper stationed outside the room entered immediately. “Escort the prisoner to the enhanced interrogation room, and notify Agent Daivik that his services are required.”
“Yes, sir,” the trooper said, taking aim at Cerra. “Move it, scum.”
Cerra shot Yularen an impudent, bloody grin. “Be seeing you.”
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