#(QUITE A FEW OF THEM WOULD PROBABLY BE INCORPORATED INTO THIS TOO SOMEHOW)

[imaginespazzi]

Nivi, bestie, I can’t believe this is it! The final part, and hence the final review (and potentially the longest? 😅):

The flashback scene is so incredibly perfect. I can’t really describe how much I loved this scene – probably one of my favourites of the entire fic. Just thinking of how far they’ve come since then, with their first kiss not happening until 5 years later, then finally being together in the same place at the same time almost a decade later.

You talk about being a nostalgic writer and this scene just fully encompassed the feeling of nostalgia, you know?

Their WNBA game against each other was also so good, and it just really boosted my craving of a Paige-Azzi rivalry in the W irl for at least a few years. With the way everybody’s tuning into all the W relationship drama right now, I just know that Pazzi on court rivalry mixed with all their off-court sweetness would hit like crack for everyone haha.

Even though I know we already saw it in the snippet, seeing Paige bring up the bloody UCLA decision again and using it against Azzi took me back and still got me a little mad lol, but I know it was necessary to show the growth and I did love seeing that play out. Plus, you had to add in a little bit of angst, and I’m always appreciative of that.

Side note: Cam being in charge of recruiting – ofc she would be, who else? The sweetest soul, indeed. This actually also made me think of what if Azzi gets drafted to GSV, then after Cam’s rookie contract ends with the Sparks, the Currys also lure her over to GSV. And then the year after that, Paige goes over and joins them?! Let me cook (and be delulu) here, bestie. Ofc, I still would love to see our big 3 that never quite was (Li, P, Az) but I wouldn’t be opposed to a P, Az, Cam Big 3 either.

The 2am phone call took me back to that phone call, but a much happier version this time ofc. The “come home” – yeah, there were definitely tears by this point.

And then the airport reunion 🥹 “Do you want me to drop you woman?” – was that a callback to an earlier flashback scene (I could totally be making things up here but that was the first thing that came to mind haha)? Also, I see you let P really be her 6ft self here 😂. Nah I believe her.

Then ending it the way you did, with their first WNBA championship, it doesn’t get more perfect than that. And when you talked about Azzi having been there for the state championship, then the college natty, and then finally the league championship. Man, I so hope that’s what reality has in store for them too. Like just how special it would be having been there for each other’s high school achievements to hopefully winning the natty together next season, then hopefully winning a WNBA championship together at some point. It’s the way that if you described their story to a random stranger, it really would sound like a piece of fiction, fairytale and daydreams, but like it’s not, it’s real, they’re real. Insane.

And tying it all back to that first scene. You’re like the master of that. Like I said, it was the perfect ending.

Well this is usually the part where I would put my thoughts for what’s next but I guess there is no next huh (big sad):

Nah for real, cannot thank you enough for letting me, well all of us, live out this Roman Empire.

Who would have thought one comment from 5 months ago would have led to all this?! The one good thing that came out of that horror UCLA game 🤭

Also, if somehow Paige does end up at the Sparks and Azzi at GSV, I will never not think about UCLA fic Paige and Azzi ya know, they’ll be my roman empire forever now. It would be incredibly poetic though if they do both end up at Minnesota someday. Then I’ll know you were just writing the script for them all along 😌

Oh and I see you incorporating “in between shades of blue” at the end there 👀 I’m sorry we never used the actual title when referring to the fic 😭 You ate with that though.

Favourite lines:

“It’s peaceful out here,” she says quietly, sounding shy even to her own ears and she can’t help but wonder when the hell that happened, “you wanna stay a little longer?” “Yeah okay let’s stay longer,”

She swears she feels her before she sees her.

“This. The same exact thing you did. For someday.”

Alternate lyrics:

I don’t have one this time. I was hoping you’d use This Love tbh and had the biggest smile when I saw the lyric. I think I recall you mentioning one time how much UCLA Azzi was This Love-coded and I’d always thought it was the perfect song for this fic so, no notes.

Instead, as I was listening to This Love, I was kinda replaying the fic in my mind, and these were the scenes that came to mind so I guess you could say they’re my favourites (with the ones in bold being the most special to me):

When Azzi first shows up at Paige’s Airbnb in LA

Paige seeing the pictures of them on Azzi’s wall

Their first kiss outside the bar

Paige circling the Fudd house a billion times while Drew’s dying in the passenger seat

The phone call after Azzi’s date with Zoe

The night at the Cayman Islands

Azzi returning P’s stuff

All of Paige’s unanswered messages

Paige seeing Azzi at the natty game and Azzi celebrating with her and the team

Draft night

The date

Dancing in the snow

Their kiss after Azzi wins the natty

Stargazing

The phone call where Azzi finally chooses Minny

The ending

You did it, bestie! I don’t know if you have a holiday planned during your summer break, but I hope you do (get those 3,562 pictures taken! 😂), you definitely deserve it after gifting us with this masterpiece!

I don’t know what’s next but trust I’ll always be tuned it to whatever you write, whenever that may be again. Got a fan in me forever 💗

See you around, Nivi!

Much love always,

-🙋‍♀️

WE DID IT BABEEEEE <3 Before I start replying to what you said, I just wanted to THANK YOU BESTIE because this fic wouldn't exist without you. You've shaped so much of the story and your chapter reviews were my biggest source of motivation.

I'm really glad that sense of nostalgia came through because I definitely felt it while writing it. And I couldn't help but think just how far they've come since that scene and just the beginning of the fic tbh

Fun fact, the WNBA scene was initially a part of Here's to Eternity but I didn't like something about how it fit with that fic so I had it saved to add into this one. And I've been so tuned into the Nai-Lyss drama, that I just had to include Pazzi-esque version of that tension.

LMAO I knew you'd be mad at Paige lol. Listen in this fic, she's the kinda person who needs to take a step backwards so she can take five forwards. But yeah, I really wanted to bring things full circle with her being supportive this time, so I hope that came through!

PAIGE AZZI CAM BIG THREE WOULD SAVE LIVES (well after everyone dies of happiness first lol) but I'm a big Cam Brink fan and she felt like the perfect cameo to add here

The way you just get my writing >>> Cause I was fully gonna add in a throwaway line about the other 2 am phone call but then I was like nah I'mma do the show not tell thing and hopefully people will see it anyway (idk if anyone else did but as long as you did I'm happy)

I really hope that even if this an AU, real life mirrors it a little bit and they're about to get a championship at every stage of their career and live it out with each other. And you're so right, they're straight out of a novel by God Himself.

As we've established now I think, I do love a good full circle moment.

Why did you saying "I guess there is no next" make me so emotional like damn

That UCLA game might have given us emotional trauma but at least we made lemonade out of the lemons and all of that right?

AHAHAH yeah I wanted to do an ode to the title at the end even if nobody really refers to this fic by it's title because I did have some reasoning behind that being the title and them finding forever in between shades of blue

This Love is honestly the overarching theme for this whole fic so it felt fitting to the end it with that as the main theme song and I'm glad you approve!

3,562 picture is insane and unlike Paige, I literally will not let anyone take that make photos of me

Please keep coming back here bestie because I'mma miss you so much if you don't. Love you babes <3

[minecraftmobtournament]

I started actually playing right after the aquatic update, though I liked it for I think a year or two before that? It was honestly a bit funny because I loved the Evolution SMP, and the gimmick of it was that they moved through versions of minecraft bit by bit, starting in beta 1.something, so I might have been more familiar with the early version of it right when or w but before I started, aha,,

It wasn't like I was clueless because I did watch Captain Sparklez's original let's play before I ever heard of Grian, but that also was recorded a some few years earlier, and I was VERY confused about why enchanting didn't take up all 30 levels and needed lapis for a while.

...And I also had a major obsession with minecraft as a whole, so before I ever even got it, I planned out exactly what steps to take—exactly how much wood to get, exactly how much cobble to mine, exactly how much food to acquire, exactly how much time it would take to kill each animal with different tools, exactly how much everything basically—multiple times to recheck my work and in multiple variations depending on what biome I ended up in to account for differences in mobs (I read and reread the minecraft wiki section for biomes, and everything else too if we're honest...extensively, to say the least. I had a fair bit of it memorized)

I still somehow was more used to the overall graphics of beta though, since of course all my knowledge about regular minecraft came from the wiki and captain sparklez who I hadn't watched in a while and/or started incorporated mods (this at one point led to me being very sad when I found out you couldn't tame bats with pumpkin pie)? A lot of my rambling probably contradicts itself, but this, to be fair, was a while ago and my memory contradicts each other :')

That's quite a story! It's so fun how there can be all sorts of approaches to playing the game. There's so many details to obsess over and it's really cool how people can use them to be faster, more efficient or just know more about minecraft's possibilities! ✨

Also i think it's kinda funny how people are shocked playing minecraft when they're only used to older versions, different editions or modded minecraft ahjgsk so sorry about the bats tho 🦇

[dollofdeath]

art summaries for this year >w<

template by @/Taxkha

(I / II / III is a comm i haven't posted anywhere / IV / V / VI / VII/ VIII / IX / X / XI / XII)

template by @/sabattons

more stuff under the read more, because there's quite a few stuff i actually liked this year!

january

this was a comm for kiz, but i think it came out pretty bomb. any hypsters who are into projmoon/projmoon fans into hypmic pspspsps --

actually i think this was my first ever piece this year, so it's interesting to see how much i've improved in over the past couple of months!

also i did some comms between feb and may to help raise some money for my relatives in the philippines, but i don't think i should post the ones i really like since the project isn't complete yet. but i think they came out bomb too, trust me -- (the volo art in my art summary is one of these comms lol)

april

i just wanted to post these two together since they're a set LOL thank u arb for giving me flowers that aren't roses to associate with hifugen....

also here are the unblurred versions of this set lol

may

this is just one of my fave hifugen headcanons KJFSDJKJKF

gentaro about hifumi: 🙄😒😑 gentaro about hifumi, when hifumi's fangirls are around: *draping himself over hifumi* excuse me ladies, do you have any business with My man?

KJFSJKDFSJKJH

august

i think i went rly hard in august. august was really a turning point for me this year too i think, so maybe my art reflected that haha, but anyhow. i really love these

everyone and their mom has done a religious jakurai art, but i wanted to do one too... the detail i rly like is the blood on his hands. because i like to headcanon that jakurai has vitiligo on his hands. i like how i incorporated that hc in this without making it too busy lol

THIS ONE. HELL YEAH. this is a redraw of an older art i made for thanatos' anniversary, and i thought the first one was cool but i was like "i think i have the skills to make this even better now" and I DID!!! idk, i'm glad i could capture the horror vibes more poignantly

september

this one is?? i don't think i made her a full reference sheet, i realized lol but i started streaming for friends because i have a bunch of game recs and no attention span to play them WKJGJKD so i decided streaming them so i could be held accountable for them would be the best way to do it LMFAO

anyways this is my pngtuber. they have no name, but she's a shopkeeper of a mysterious antique store. originally that doll on the bookshelf was gonna my pngtuber and i came up with a bunch of lore for her, but then i realized i had another oc design i really dig and was also simpler, so i revamped that for streaming FJKSDJKF but i would like to put that doll to use somehow or another. anyways if u can pinpoint all the references on the shopkeeper and their bookshelf and even her store's very existence, i love u --

catch me on twitch on sundays and mondays for mhyk and ace attorney respectively --

october

as much as possible, i try to do a vanistar anniversary art because noël is my baby boy... i'm so happy with how this year's came out!! ofc there's areas that could use work, but i like the colors and lighting c:

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO DO AN IBERIA AU FOR JAKUDO FOR SO LONG... probably as long as the koibito AU for hifugen, but i just haven't been able to put it into words... i'm glad i could at least do a bit of this year, and i hope one day i can manage the whole concept!! also this idea's been in my head for so long that arb managed to reveal demon designs for both jakurai and doppo, sparing me the effort of designing them myself FSJKJKKJH

this one is also a set, so i wanted to post them together hehe again this is based off a horror rpg concept me and gianna came up together back in high school that will probably never see the light of day lol this probably doesn't surprise anyone who knows us, but these characters are based on us FKJSKJH

wah... i think my artist wrapped really covers what i have to say! quantity-wise, i'm not too happy with how much i made... it can't really be helped considering how busy and tiresome it's been this year, and i really wish i could say i can do more next year, but it's likely i'll be posting less and less in the future TwT but as much as possible, i'd still like to share my work! i think this might be my time to start focusing on original stuff, but i still wanna do fandom related stuff because there's still a lot of ideas and concepts i wanna see realized!! also i just love my fandom blorbos a lot lol, so i'll find ways to do things for them >w<

quality-wise though, i think i'm pretty pleased! last year i got csp, so i was still figuring it out, but now i think i got a better hang of it! and that means my art looks more confident i think haha. of course, there's still a lot of room for improvement, but it's nice that i can look at my stuff and go "yeah i like this!" i'm excited to see where my artistic journey goes from here!!

but yeah, maybe it wasn't a plentiful year for me re: art, but i made some pretty nice stuff despite that! thank you all for the support, and here's to next year!!

[gender-roles-can-suck-my-dick]

And i mean yes, he has that "staring without blinking" autistic charm but that's not too important

Alright, lore time: political history from the ner world gets t) a point where the closest thing to a princess of a relatively small territory figures out the puddles (by stealing a certain chrysanthemum child's life work and getting "rid" od him → he's in a vegetative state. Which is funny because they're plents. Please laugh.

She sent several scouts (one of them was younger Gin, before his "death") to the human world, some came back and some didn't. Finally, she went on an exploration to the human world without dying first, and her brother helped preserve the body (in a vegetative state as well) and she wasn't quite-so-prepared for the effects that switching sides like in algebra would have on her. Picture this: that's not your world, you have 5o substain your existence in some way, shouldn't you?

Well, that way is cannibalism 👍at first it is hintedcat with the blue iris lady, then with gin (neri figured out with the plant lady that she has to eat them, and got gin some chrysanthemums before he dissintegrated) but you'll start to deform if you consume stuff that's not of the same origin as you- for humans it should be easier, because humans are of the same genus (although there are very few humans in the ner world, obviously), but for ner? They have to consume the same plant as their origin. If they don't, they fade. If they eat a different plant, they become... Creatures

Like in myths, picture dangerous w*ndigos and kelpies and gnomes that bite your eyes off. Nahuales. Depends on the original strength of the ner and the things they consume, and that's how i will try to incorporate multiple mytholoies and folklore from all parts of the world. As many cultures as possible, although that's research i still need to do :)

The princess (she doesn't have a name yet) is a rare ass plant and she didn't know that she was rare when she got to the human world (she had a shifty understanding of everything, with her scouts. They informed her that she shouldn't, under any circumstance, eat plants that weren't her own, but she didn't know that not every single type of flower could be found in Convenient Little Spots in the human world. She hurried a bit, ahe wanted to know all of the human world first-hand, and didn't wait foe her sacrifices scouts to collect enough information for a safe mission. She waited barely 5 years. (Gin was 12 when he was first sent as a scout, equivalent to like 24 here but still a child mentally and biologically for a ner). Timeline will be fixed later, i need some plot to fix the plotholes. Ages will be adjusted, probably)

Well, neither she nor the people who went with her cpuld find a specimen of her mother plant, and ‼️‼️she couldn't come bqck empty-handed, she hhad a bet to win against her brother‼️and she was dying. And, she reasoned, if she couldn't eat the other plants, what other option was there but to eat a human? (Try to picture a creepy flesh plant. That's what she started turning into). She tried to hide it from what was left of the crew, but. Yeah (i still need to think of the effects and in-universe plausible explanation for the transformation) and when she was getting pretty used to eating humans (whole humans) and a human child (human children could usually see ner, while most adults couldn't, made them harder to eat because, somehow, if they can't see you it's like you can't touch them. Interesting) from a city nearby her camp who she had talked to before came (willingly, mind you, she must have made friends with someone from your team) and offered her a flower of hers ("it looks like you, ms. Fairy"). Well. You bit her hand off, alongside the flower.

But the flower, combined with the fact that the child tried to run and that you were already weak and getting weaker, something happened and you felt your face glue to the child's arm. It was terrifying, it was horrifying, being the parasite qnd AAAAAAAA yeah you got incorporated like those fish that bite into the female fish to become portable testicles. And the child, well. They don't remember anything of it, luckily, but they were kept there and alive by your team for about a human month, they tried to save you but it was futile (you tried to eat the human and the human- in a way- ate you). When they saw the child start to wake up, with no trace of you lying there, an eye inside their brain, they gave it back to its parents (you remember the Ye Olde Days stories of "my child got taken by changelings and now it's a weird kid (autism hadn't been invented yet)"? That's kind of what happened to Neri, from their parents and siblings' point of view.

So hurray! He grew up with a bit of the magic-soul-subconscious-eye of a magic plant princess on their brain! The princess' brother was still trying to get her back so he kept sending scouts (some stayed, like the blue iris lady. What was the guy going to do, go himself to get them back? Nah, they were living happily as creatures of the forests and jungles and meadows. Alone, most of them, but happily). Some of the scouts sent to the area where Neri lived as a kid sensed something, and when he wandered too far they started chasing him (most of them just wanted answers, but Neri's fight or flight instinct kept the trauma response to seeing plant people approach. Some of them did hurt him, but the other kids at school did too, so there wasn't any proof to show to their parents or siblings that it happened).

Talking abour siblings, Neri (at 17) was an older brother to a 10yo and a 9yo, (they're thought of after two of my siblings (i have one 13yo brother and 2 10yo sisters) :) and that's what i always say about projecting too much onto Neri, i need to cut that off and make him a real character)

So he finishes highschool and gets sent to the city where the main sroty happens (before they cross the puddle), to work a bit before starting college and whatnot. And stuff happens, as you might know

I am SO IVESTED IN THIS STORY VAL I AM ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT

[engie-ivy]

(@wolfstarmicrofic No Angst, just a (maybe funny) Fluffy Wolfstar Get-Together! That I somehow managed to incorporate an olive into😂)

7th: Olive

Sirius can't go out with Dearborn because Mary is having a party. Remus just has to inform Mary about this.

You Should Tell Him

“So I asked my mother, ‘which one is it?’ I asked, ‘do you want to punish me, or do you want me to stay away from the annual family dinner?’ I told her she was being quite contradictory, and it’s either one or the other.”

“Sirius, you didn’t!” Remus laughs, and takes a sip from the cappuccino he got on his and Sirius’ daily coffee run before their last class of the day.

“I sure did!” Sirius exclaims. “So what do you thing she did? Well, she-”

“Hi there. I was hoping to run into you.”

Sirius stops walking as Caradoc Dearborn approaches them. Caradoc Dearborn, who’s looking like he’s on his way to the gym, though Caradoc Dearborn always looks like he’s on his way to the gym. He looks like the kind of guy works out every day, Remus thinks sourly.

“Oh, hey Dear.” Sirius gives Dearborn a small wave. “You know that on a day packed with classes, you’ll most likely find me where the coffee is!”

Dearborn laughs. “That I do, B.”

“B?” Remus only realises he said it out loud when Dearborn turns to look at him.

“Yeah, I figured if Sirius calls me by an abbreviated version of my last name, I should do the same for him, and there’s just something so unsexy about Bla, don’t you think?” Dearborn turns back to Sirius with a sly smile. “And anything unsexy is definitely not fitting for Sirius.”

“As opposed to the immense sex appeal of the letter B,” Remus mutters, but he’s not sure if Dearborn even hears.

“So, B,” Dearborn says. “I wanted to ask you out for a drink tonight.”

“Oh!” Sirius looks surprised, though Remus can’t understand how he didn’t know Dearborn is into him. Sirius briefly glances at Remus, who does his very best to look uninterested as he takes another sip from his drink. Sirius looks back at Dearborn. “Uhm, yeah, I suppose I-”

Remus has no idea what on earth possessed him, but before he can think better of it, he says “Mary is having a party tonight.”

Sirius blinks at him in confusion. “A party at Mary’s? Tonight?”

“Yeah,” Remus says, surprised himself at how convincing he sounds. “Did you forgot to put it in your calendar again?”

Sirius frowns and scratches his head. “I guess I must’ve.

“In any case,” Remus says. “You can’t make tonight, Mary is expecting you.”

Sirius gives Dearborn an apologetic smile. “You heard it. I’m sorry, Dear. Another time, okay?”

“Sure,” Dearborn mutters, throwing Remus an annoyed look.

Remus just smiles innocently at him, feeling very pleased with himself, until he remembers he now has to convince Mary to throw a very last-minute party.

Crackling music is playing from Mary’s laptop in the corner. On the kitchen table are a few old bottles of beer found at the back of the fridge, a couple of half-empty bottles of wine, half a loaf of bread to tear off a piece and dip in a jar of mayonnaise, and a jar of olives with some tooth picks.

Besides Remus and Sirius, Mary and her roommates Lily and Marlene are there, though none of them seems entirely pleased with that themselves. Peter, who luckily let himself get dragged out of the house to a party he knew nothing about without asking too many questions, and James, who’s always excited to go to Lily’s and is probably the only one who doesn’t seem disappointed as he’s happily dipping his bread in mayonnaise, are there. Amelia and Edgar are there, though they don’t seem to know why themselves, and the Prewett twins are there, as they always seem to manifest themselves out of thin air whenever someone mentions the word ‘party’.

“Mary!” Remus hisses. “This party is terrible!”

Mary gives him a deadly glare. “Gee, I wonder why,” she says through gritted teeth. “One would almost think I had to throw it together in an hour!” She turns on her heels and stalks off to yell at Peter for using his fingers instead of a tooth pick to pick an olive out of the jar.

A very groggy-looking Lily walks up to Remus. She’s wearing pyjama bottoms and has got her hair up in a messy bun. “I asked Mary what possessed her to keep us away from our beds for this,” she says, placing her hands on her hips. “And she told me to take it up with you. So, Remus, what the hell?!”

“Caradoc Dearborn wanted to take Sirius out tonight,” Remus says sourly.

Lily blinks at him in confusion, then understanding dawns on her face and she pinches the bridge of her nose. “Remus John Lupin,” she says slowly. “Are you telling me that the reason we’re all missing out on our vital sleep is because you don’t want Caradoc Dearborn to get into Sirius Black’s pants?”

“What else could I have done?”

“What else could you have done?” Lily asks. “What else could you have done?! You could’ve just told him you don’t want him to go out with Dearborn because you’re absolutely mad about him yourself, like you should’ve done bloody months ago!”

Remus goes pale, and Lily sighs deeply. “He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?” She turns around to indeed find Sirius standing there, wide-eyed, frozen in place, his hand tightly gripping his beer bottle. Lily shakes her head. “You know, maybe tomorrow I’ll feel guilty about this, but right now, I’m just too damned tired to even care,” she says, before walking away.

Remus wishes the ground would swallow him up whole.

After a very awkward moment, Sirius scrapes his throat to undoubtedly have a very awkward conversation. “She does have a point, you know. It would’ve been better to tell me rather than making poor Mary go into the books as the person who threw the worst party in the history of college.”

“Yes, thank you,” Remus replies. “In hindsight, I can indeed see I made some unfortunate decisions.”

“Would’ve been more effective too.” Sirius is looking down at his beer bottle, playing with a loose corner of it’s label. “I mean, if I had known you’re interested in me like that, I wouldn’t have told Caradoc ‘some other time’.”

“What...” Remus scrapes his throat as his mouth has suddenly gone completely dry. “What would you have told him?”

Sirius looks up at Remus. “I hope I would’ve told him I’m not interested in having drinks with him ever as I’m already dating this amazing guy whom, for the record, I’m also absolutely mad about.”

“Yeah, that... that’s...” Remus swallows. “You should tell him that.” He takes a step forward closer to Sirius. “Next time you see him, you should tell him that.”

Sirius smiles and arches an eyebrow. “Should I?”

Remus leans in so that his next words are almost whispered against Sirius’ lips. “Yes, you should.”

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Day 52: Tattoos

When he left the Wizarding World, Harry hadn't thought too much about what would happen to Draco Malfoy after he testified for him at his trial.

If pressed, he probably would have assumed that Malfoy would have continued in his father's footsteps. He would have imagined well tailored suits and robes, long blonde hair, the same aristocratic nose tipped in the air.

So, perhaps his jaw all but hitting the floor when he saw the other man for the first time in five years was understandable.

And it wasn't the fact that he was walking into the muggle bar that Harry worked at that shocked him, it was the fact that Malfoy had trimmed his hair short on the sides and left the top long; it was that he'd dyed it hot pink.

It was the fact that his left arm had a muggle tattoo covering the dark mark that had once been there with beautiful, bright flowers; new life coming out of death. It was the dragon tattoo peaking out of the collar of his shirt, that Harry guessed, was shaped around his namesake constellation.

It was the loose, black v-neck, muggle t-shirt tucked into skinny jeans that were cuffed just above his ankles. And the three earrings in the cartilage at the top of his right ear.

It was that he looked nothing like the stiff, tidy, pretentious twat that Harry would have envisioned him growing into and it made Harry wonder what else he was wrong about.

Malfoy caught sight of him a few second later and literally froze in place.

"What can I get you?" Harry asked, giving him a little smile.

"Sorry," Malfoy said, cocking his head uncertainly, "You look like someone I used to know."

(Read more below the cut)

And that was fair, too, Harry supposed. He didn't look anything like the scrawny, desperate teen he'd been the last time Malfoy saw him, either. Harry had grown a good six inches since then, his shoulders had filled out, he'd grown his hair long because the curls were less messy that way, he'd grown a beard that he kept short and tidy, and he had a few tattoos of his own. "You look like someone I used to know, too," he replied, "But you can't possibly be the same person that I thought I knew and I'm sure that I'm not quite what you thought either." He tilted his head at Malfoy, "What can I get you?" he repeated.

"What would you recommend?" Malfoy asked as he slid into a bar stool with a touch more caution than Harry liked.

"Do you like sweet drinks?" he asked, "I have this cotton candy drink that we make with cranberry juice and raspberry vodka," then he added, "And cotton candy, obviously."

"That would definitely be something I've never tried before," Malfoy replied with a little smile.

"Done." While Harry was making the drink he said, "So what brings you so far from home?"

Malfoy cocked his head, "I left home ages ago," he said. "Disowned, as a matter of fact."

Harry frowned as he reached under the bar to fetch the cotton candy, "What? Why?"

Harry saw him lift one shoulder casually before having to stick his head into the cupboard below to reach the bag of cotton candy in the back, "Apparently, Malfoys are allowed to make all sorts of mistakes and commit all sorts of atrocities, but being gay was just one step too far for them."

Harry bashed the back of his head against the bar in his haste to stand up, "Wait, you're-?" he started before registering just how badly that had hurt, "Ouch, fuck," he said, rubbing the back of his skull.

"Here," Malfoy murmured, holding out his hand, "Let me."

Harry leaned over and Malfoy gently cupped the back of his head and murmured something under his breath. A moment later a warm, tingly feeling suffused Harry's head and all of the pain disappeared.

"Wow," Harry said, rubbing the back of his skull again and feeling for any tender spots, "That was amazing."

Malfoy shrugged and Harry went back to working on the drink. "I was training to be a healer," he confessed softly so no one would overhear, "But then I had one too many people refuse to let me help them because of-" he broke off and shook his head, "Well you know."

"I'm sorry that happened to you," Harry said with a frown as he slid the drink across the bar. He was about to say more when Ben, one of his regulars, came up to the bar for a refill, "Hold that thought," he said, making his way over to get him another bourbon.

"This," Malfoy said, pointing to the drink Harry had made him when he returned a few minutes later, "Is actually quite tasty, Potter."

He laughed, "No need for the tone of surprise, this has been my job for nearly five years now. And you can call me, Harry," he added.

The corner of Draco's mouth tilted up, "Oh I can, can I?"

Harry nodded, "And I think I'll be calling you Draco."

"Bold of you," he said but he was smiling so Harry didn't take him too seriously.

"Gryffindor," he replied, pointing to himself with a wink. "So tell me about yourself, Draco," he said.

And to his surprise and utter delight, Draco did. He sat at the bar, sipping that martini before switching over to lemonade, all evening, telling Harry about his life and asking questions about Harry in turn.

One things led to another and by the time Harry was getting ready to leave, Harry was really not ready for the night to end.

"Can I walk you home?" Draco asked, apparently he wasn't ready for it to end either.

Harry smiled at him and nodded toward his house, they set off down the street talking about nothing. He only lived a few blocks away and they found themselves standing at the bottom of Harry's steps all too soon.

"Will you punch me if I kiss you?" Draco asked him.

Harry shook his head with a smile he couldn't quite hide, and leaned forward to meet Draco halfway. The moment their lips met, Harry's veins felt like they'd been set on fire. He reached out and clasped the fabric of Draco's t-shirt in his hands and pulled him forward, crashing their bodies together.

"Come inside," Harry begged against Draco's lips.

Draco pulled back, brow furrowed slightly, "You want this? With me?"

"Godric, yes," he groaned. "Please."

The other man gave him a breathless little smile and Harry dragged him up the stairs and straight to the bedroom.

Afterward, Harry got up to order them some pizza and when he returned, Draco was laid on his back on the bed, his pink hair fanned out across the pillow, Harry couldn't help but think that his body looked more gorgeous than any work of art he'd ever seen. And Harry sat up beside him admire him better, "I thought this one was your constellation," he murmured triumphantly, stroking his fingers over the dragon that curled over his collarbone and up his neck.

"Well spotted," Draco said, a smile in his voice.

He brushed his fingers over the snitch on Draco's chest, "I've got one of these, too," he murmured, leaning a bit so Draco can see the snitch he has on his own hip.

"Yes, I noticed," Draco replied, giving him a little smirk, "What does it say under it?"

"I open at the close," Harry said.

Draco hummed, "You'll have to tell me the story sometime."

"I'd like that," Harry told him, surprised to find that it was true since he'd never wanted to talk to anyone about the war. He trailed his fingers over the flower that had been tattooed over Draco's heart. "For your mum?" he asked.

He gave him a sad smile and nodded, "The black narcissus."

"These are for my parents," he told him, pointing to the antlers adorned with lilies along his collarbones.

"What are these ones?" he asked, trailing his fingers over the Marauder's map style footprints on his bicep and shoulder.

"These," he said, twisting to show Draco that they wrapped around his shoulder and onto his back, "are names of the people who have held me up, some of them still living, and others who live on in me." He grinned at him, "I'll show you the map they're modeled after the next time I have it out."

"Do you have any others?"

"Yeah," Harry said, collapsing onto his back so he could show Draco his ankle, "Deathly Hallows on my ankle."

Draco's fingers brushed lightly over his skin and Harry's spine tingled pleasantly.

"Do you have others?" he echoed

He nodded and rolled over onto his stomach and Harry had to hold back a gasp, "Beautiful," he whispered, trailing his fingers lightly over the wings covering Draco's shoulder blades.

"They're to remind me that I am free. I made my choice to fly instead of staying shackled."

"They're beautiful," Harry repeated.

Draco reached back and pointed to his neck and Harry's eyes followed to a compass. "To remind me that I choose the direction of my life from here on out."

"I love that," Harry replied, flopping back down on the bed next to Draco. "I'm planning my next one."

"Oh?" Draco asked, turning his head to the side and resting it on his forearms so he could look at Harry.

Harry nodded, "A constellation as well, Sirius, and wolfsbane incorporated somehow."

"Are all of yours for people, then?"

"Yeah," he replied, about to say more when the doorbell rang. "That'll be the pizza. Do you want to eat in here or in the kitchen?" he asked as he stood up and started looking for a pair of pants to put on to answer the door

"I should go-"

"Draco," he said, leaning in and stealing another kiss, "Stay. Please."

"For how long?" Draco asked.

The doorbell rang again and Harry stumbled into his boxers, "For as long as you want. Stay forever if you like."

And he was surprised to find that he was only half joking.

--------------

Please go look at this GORGEOUS art by @pato-roldnart. I'm completely in awe of how talented they are. It's just like I imagined it and I am totally in love!

--------------

Day 51: Parents | Day 53: First Anniversary

[finelinevogue]

HI I JUST WANTED TO SAY I FOUND UR BLOG LAST NIGHT AND IM ALREADY ADDICTED TO UR WORKS. YOURE SO TALENTED !! could u do a blurb where the reader is harry’s gf and watching him perform on stage and he invites her up on stage to dance ?

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! LOVE YOU ALREADY!!! this one is for you <33 ;

Harry was an absolute beast up on stage.

Night one of Vegas was a complete success so far and you never wanted it to end. From the moment that you woke up in your Vegas hotel room to the moment when he popped up out of the centre stage to start singing Golden, there wasn’t a moment where you didn’t feel an intimate and enormous amount of pride for him. He looked just so happy and that’s all you could ever wish for.

You were stood next to Jeff and Glenne, watching as Harry performed his beautiful heart out on stage. A lot of the fans around you had spotted you and were calling your name to grab your attention and get photos of you, but you were too shy to respond to any of them. So you kept on watching Harry perform.

The funky and even more upbeat version of Canyon Moon started playing and you knew what was coming next. Harry had prompted you that he might incorporate you somehow into this next segment and you were excited at the time, now you were just completely nervous. Shaky hands, goosebumps, the lot.

“Now I know you all loved the dancing for this next one,” The fans started screaming and shouting, because they instantly knew he was on about Treat People With Kindness, “but unfortunately my dance partner Phoebe is not here tonight.” He kept pausing to let the fans scream, prolonging your nerves, “however,” he walked from the main stage down to the B-stage, “there is someone here tonight who knows the dance and how to dance with me specifically.” He smiled, fiddling with his earpiece.

Your heart stopped. You think?

“Oh my fuck.” You muttered, as Jeff nudged your shoulder playfully and people around you started screaming your name even louder.

Then the light shone on you and you were blinded, only to see what was directly behind you and to the sides. You had to squint or cover your eyes if you wanted to see Harry. You shoved your hands inside your blazer pockets, fidgeting with your fingers inside out of nerves. Harry could instantly tell how you felt.

“Now she’s slightly nervous, so please be kind to her. Y/N, my love?” He asked sweetly, making it hard to say no to him. You squinted to see he was wearing a plea full smile and you wanted to wipe it right off his cheeky face. God he was irresistible. “Come on. Please?” He begged.

“Go on!” Glenne pushed you forwards slightly, making you shuffle sing in your cream-white boots that matched Harry’s.

“What am I doing?” You asked yourself, as people began to chant your name and egg you forwards. Seriously, what were you doing?

You started to walk forwards and through the barriers where Harry would run off the stage later. You said hello to a couple of fans on the way, giving them a quick smile and wave. Harry stood at the end of the platform, holding out a hand for you. One of the security guards gave you a leg up and Harry pulled you the rest of the way, embracing you in a tight hug when he got ahold of you.

“Y’okay?” He asked into your ear, even with all the noise throughout the arena you could still hear him as clear as a new day.

“Probably.” You spoke unsure, knowing you were in the direct spotlight now. Harry chuckled and pressed a kiss to your cheek, making the fans go absolutely wild. You both laughed and walked hand in hand back to the main stage.

“Give it up for my beautiful Y/N!” Harry shouted into his mic and you had to bite your lip from grinning like an idiot. He made you feel so safe and loved and you’d have to especially thank him for that later. The fans screamed for you, many of them shouting that they loved you as you walked past them. You blew kisses to a few of them threw your mask and they pretended to catch them.

Harry dropped your hand to go and set up his electrics for TPWK, grabbing a couple of pride flags as he did so. Harry handed you one and he took the other. It was so warm up here and you understood why Harry was so sweaty and hot now, not that you were complaining at all about how he looked because fuck did he look like a God below. You placed the flag between your pink trousered legs that matched your suit jacket, only to start pulling off your jacket, teasingly slow just for Harry, and throwing it off to the side so you were now just in your cream-white bralette and pink trousers. You were excited that you matched Harry.

The fans screamed so loud when it took your jacket off and pointed their cameras towards Harry, either to film his reaction, which was him just shaking his head and looking away from you otherwise he wouldn’t be able to control himself, or to encourage him to whip off his jacket too.

“Off, off, off!” The crowd shouted, you hoped to Harry because you having your tits out fully would probably get you arrested unlike you - double fucking standards just because you were a woman…

“Oh shut up! You can already see everything!” Harry laughed into the microphone, making you and everyone else laugh too. You wrapped the pride flag around you, tying it up so it wouldn’t fall off. Harry just held onto his instead.

The song began and you stood their, kind of awkwardly, waiting for Harry to let you know what you were allowed to do and where to go. Harry came over to you, strutting like he was on a cat walk, and twirled you around with the arm holding the flag. You laughed at how messy and uncoordinated you both were, having never performed this before now. When you were up here with him though, everything else sort of disappeared as if it were just you and him. It allowed you to become more comfortable in yourself and before long you were dancing around like a maniac.

You spiralled the stage, waving to fans and dancing how they were dancing too. You blew kisses and gave air hugs to people, complimenting the fans that you could see with their epic outfits. Harry was always on the same side of the stage as you, wanting to be as near to you as possible in case something went wrong, because then it did.

When the bridge part of the song came, Harry put down his microphone and started doing the dance that he choreographed in the TPWK music video. You quite happily danced along with him, pretending it was just you and him again dancing at home with one another instead of on a stage in an arena in front of thousands. It was going well until you accidentally tripped over a cable, falling over and landing on your bum. Harry was really worried at first, the song still playing in the background, but as soon as he saw you laughing he joined in and pulled you back up to him.

“Y’alright?” He shouted and you nodded, still laughing through the embarrassment and the shock. No doubt that would be trending on twitter tonight. You were just trying to give your best performance though, that’s all.

You and Harry danced through the rest of the song together, twirling around in each others arms and dancing as if nobody else was watching you but each other. It was so fun and you couldn’t believe that you’d actually been nervous at one point. You finished the song the same way the music video ended, Harry leaning over your arms and you holding him to make sure he didn’t fall. It was such a good finish and the atmosphere felt electric. It was charged with so much positivity, you swore you could never not be happy ever again.

Harry stood back up, giving you a kiss to your lips without second thought that everyone could see. You didn’t mind though because he tasted so good and felt even better. He made you so happy and you could just feel him giving off the same energy as you. You laughed as he let you go and took your hand for a bow.

“Y/N, everyone!” Harry shouted through his microphone and everyone cheered for you. You bowed once more to the other side of the stage, before collecting your jacket and running back off stage so Harry could continue the show without you.

He didn’t let you go without telling you he loved you so much, though.

[middleearthpixie]

TRSB 2022 REVEALS!!

Here is a little taste of my TRSB fic, done for this amazing moodboard done by @joyfullynervouscreator!!

Title: Showstopper Rating: G Character(s)/Pairing(s): Bard/ofc Aislinn Dale, Elrond, Gandalf, Radagast, Saruman, Thranduil, Legolas Warnings/Triggers: N/A Summary: Only three remain. Aislinn Dale, Thranduíl Greenleaf, and Bard Bowman are the last bakers standing in the Great Middle Earth Bakeoff, with three challenges left and the title of Middle Earth’s Best Baker on the line.

All three have proven themselves worthy and skilled, but in the time they’ve spent together, both in the tent and out, they’ve become friends as well. And for two, something even larger may loom on the horizon, something that might be just as wonderful as the crystal plate proclaiming them the winner of the Great Middle Earth Bake-Off…

Check out the rest of the story, and the complete artwork on AO3

***

The absolute worst thing about being in the tent was just how damn hot it was in there. Aislinn Dale exhaled harder than she meant to and sent her too-long bangs straight up for a brief moment. 

Still, she had to admit, she’d rather be sweating her ass off in the tent than be at home watching others sweat their asses off on the Great Middle Earth Bake-Off on television. Even so, she picked up her recipe card to fan herself—for all the good it did—and looked around at the now-mostly empty tent. 

What had begun as a field of twelve bakers had been whittled down to three. And Aislinn kept pinching herself, trying to convince herself she was actually one of the finalists. Over the last few weeks, she’d watched as her fellow competitors fell when their bakes betrayed them by being either over-or-underdone, or by not quite reaching the taste standards the judges had come to expect. The most bizarre dismissal had to be Nori, who’d been voted off the previous week when he’d been caught trying to steal his Kitchen-Aid mixer and several whisks. When pressed, he confessed he’d been swiping things almost since the first day and had amassed quite the collection of mixing bowls and spatulas. It was only because he promised to return every single item, and actually did so, that no charges were pressed against him. All in all, it made for a very interesting week.

But somehow, she’d managed to hold on week after week, despite one spectacular fail when the mousse in her chocolate tarts Showstopper for Desserts Week refused to set. When Elrond cut into one to sample, the filling simply bled from its shell to ooze all over the serving plate, and she would have gone home that week, except Dori had a meltdown no one could have possibly seen coming, that began with Tauriel taking his ice cream from the freezer for what was supposed to be a moment, only to forget to return it to said freezer. When Dori when to incorporate it into his dessert, and found it more soup than ice cream, he dumped the whole confection into the garbage, leaving the judges with nothing to judge. That was the only thing that saved Aislinn that week and although she felt terrible for Dori, who was way ahead of the pack and probably a shoe-in for a finalist spot, if not the overall winner, she was also thankful for Tauriel’s screwup. 

So now it was her, Bard Bowman, and Thranduíl Greenleaf in the finals. 

Thranduíl was still in the tent, his pale gold hair pulling free from its normally sleek ponytail.  Those wispy strands floating about his face were the only indication that he felt the heat. Where she and Bard spent as much time fanning themselves as they did double and triple checking their recipes, Thranduíl went about putting together one amazing bake after another. He had an eye for design and an innate gift for bringing together flavors that had the judges—Gandalf and Elrond—questioning his choices at first, but marveling over them with the first bites. Nothing seemed to rattle him, where as she spent a great deal of time muttering and swearing under her breath. 

“Do you plan to just sleep here tonight?”

Aislinn looked up as Bard strolled back into the tent. He was the surprise, the dark horse in the field. To look at him, Aislinn would think he could barely boil water, as he just didn’t seem the sort to spend much time in the kitchen. It didn't take her long for her to realize how stupid her assumption had been, as he’d proven himself to be a fairly good baker. He preferred simpler bakes, but with unusual tweaks to them, and had won Star Baker three weeks in a row as a result. 

“Are you talking to me?” She tugged the elastic holding her ponytail sort of in place off and as her hair spilled down over her shoulders, she eased the elastic over her hand, wincing as it snapped against her wrist. 

He nodded. “I am, yes. Are you?”

“Not if I can help it. Cakes tomorrow? I have to go home and practice until I can’t stand the sight of such things.”

Thranduíl peered at her over his shoulder. “What is there to practice? We don’t know what the recipe will be, how do you practice?”

“I look over every cake recipe I can find and hope I can remember the little details.”

“Well, Thrandy and I were going over to Ike’s and unwind a little.” He shook his longish dark hair from his eyes. Like Thranduíl, he wore it pulled back when they were baking, but now it fell about his face in shiny, almost-black waves. “Care to join us?”

She hesitated. Tomorrow’s challenge was the technical one, where they would be given a skeleton of a recipe and had to figure out how to bake the good in question. She wasn’t kidding when she’d said she planned on reading cookbooks to practice. But if she was completely honest with herself, a beer sounded far more preferable than cookbooks, so she nodded. “I’d love to, yes.”

“Great.” Bard’s dark eyes gleamed as he smiled. “Get your stuff and I’ll meet the two of you—” he looked over at Thranduíl—“out front.”

She looked over at him as well, and as always, Thranduíl was serene, a slight smile playing at his lips as he said, “I’ll make certain to hurry her along then.”

“Hurry me along?” She shook her head. “I’m ready to go and you’re still cleaning up.”

His smile grew wider, and he winked as he reached behind him to tug the elastic from his hair. It spilled down over his shoulders, a waterfall of gold so pale, it looked almost white. “I’m done. So, shall we?”

Aislinn slipped off her apron to drape it over her station and moved to the rear of the tent, where they kept their personal belongings. She lifted her black backpack to one shoulder, tucked that same, annoying loose lock of hair behind her ear and said, “We shall.”

The three of them made their way from the tent, with Bard bidding good evening to the judges and the hosts—the more-than-slightly disheveled Radagast and the elegantly disapproving Saruman—before they crested the hill’s gentle slope. In the distance, the soft gold lights of the Carriage Inn, upon whose grounds the competition was being held, were like oversized fireflies leading their way toward civilization. It was a balmy June night, with just a hint of humidity in the air, and as twilight streaked across the sky, the light morphed from gold to coral to almost purple. 

As the tent receded into the distance, the tension lifted from Aislinn’s shoulders. She knew the men in the tent had gone out and socialized a few times, but this was the first time she’d been asked to join them. 

They passed the inn and the world seemed to change. The bake tent was set far enough in on the inn’s grounds that it was quiet and peaceful there, but as they reached the sidewalk, the city reclaimed them, with the sounds of traffic both foot and motor, the dazzling lights of the shops and restaurants along the way. 

Ike’s was across the street, and they dashed across, only getting honked at once, and Bard tugged open one of the doors and held it, saying, “After you.”

She ducked her head as she stepped into the softly lit old-style pub. The evening crowd was already there, hanging about the bar and the front of the taproom, and a hostess offered up a pert smile. “Three?”

Thranduíl nodded. ‘Please.”

“Of course. Is the dining room all right?”

“The dining room is fine,” Bard chimed over Thranduíl’s shoulder, as if he was afraid the taller man—Thranduíl towered over both her and Bard—would object.

“I was going to say that,” Thranduíl replied, his voice as it always was—even and smooth and low. “You know I don’t like sitting at the bar if I can help it.”

Bard grinned. “Just being careful. Never know when you might decide to surprise us, Thrandy.”

“Are you ever not going to call me that?”

Aislinn looked from him to Bard, who just stared up at Thranduíl. Then, his expression one of utter seriousness, Bard shook his head. “No. You are forever Thrandy from now on.”

A laugh rose in her throat and she mashed her lips together to hold at bay when she saw the pained look on Thranduíl’s elegantly angular face. He closed his eyes briefly, drew in a long, slow breath, and exhaled slowly before replying, “Wonderful. I should have known.”

“You absolutely should have,” Bard winked, then nudged her with a gentle elbow. “Right, Ash?”

Ash? Nobody called her Ash. Until now, anyway. But before she could answer, the hostess, who had been just watching the banter between the two men, lifted three leather bound folios from the slot behind her. “If you’ll follow me, then. I’ll show you to your table.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Thranduíl said, leading the way as they followed the hostess into the somewhat quieter dining room, where she seated them in a far corner. The dining room was not even half-full, and as she slid into her chair, Aislinn said, “You sure you guys don’t want to sit in the bar? Yankees game is on. Judge is on fire this season. Talks are he might break Roger Maris’ record.”

Both men made faces simultaneously and Thranduíl shook his head. “Thank you, but no. Baseball puts me to sleep.”

“Same.” Bard sank into the chair across from her. “You actually like that sport?”

“Yeah. It’s great to have on in the background. You can look away for half an hour and not miss a thing.” 

“Katie will be your server,” the hostess broke in as she pressed menus into their hands, “and she’ll be by in a moment to take your drink orders.”

“Thank you.” Thranduíl said, flipping open the heavy-leather bound folio. “I don’t know why I even bother with this. I get the same thing every time. It’s almost boring.”

“So, what do you boys recommend?” Aislinn asked. Her menu opened with a creak and she stared down, her eyes almost bugging at sheer number of different wines, liquors, and beers offered. 

“Stick with the simple pub stuff,” Bard assured her, flipping to the next page. “The burgers are good, the fries a little greasy, but they’re worth it.”

“Hi, guys. I’m Katie and I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” A tiny brunette came up to them, all white teeth and wide eyes. “Can I start you off with something to drink?”

Aislinn set her menu down. “I’ll have a Shock Top, please.”

“Certainly. Would you like a glass or just the bottle?”

“Just the bottle is fine.”

That got her looks from both men and Bard offered up a slow smile. “I’ll have the same, bottle only, please.”

“I’ll leave the beer to you two,” Thranduíl said, tapping his bottom lip with a long forefinger, “And I think I’ll have a Grey Goose martini.”

“Two Shock Tops and a martini.” Katie tapped her notepad. “Are you ready to order now, or do you still need a few minutes.”

“A few minutes, please,” Bard said, looking up at her.

Her eyes seemed brighten and it was tough to blame her. Both Bard and Thranduíl were both strikingly handsome, a yin and yang of dark and light and Katie wasn’t the only woman who smiled at either of them. Aislinn bit back a smile of her own at the approving looks each one got from what seemed like every woman in the bar. 

Katie bounced off and when she returned a few minutes later with their drinks, Aislinn sat back in her chair, lifted her bottle, and smiled. “Here’s to surviving to the final.”

Bard and Thranduíl leaned in to clink glass and bottle against hers and with a grin, Thranduíl said, “Who was surprised that Nori only tried to steal the mixer?”

“Oh, you heard Radagast, he took a bunch of other things,” Aislinn told him, lowering her bottle. “Three weeks ago, Thorin said he was pretty sure he saw Nori pocket a couple of thermometers and a blowtorch. Just stuck the torch down his pants and walked off like it was nothing. But since Thorin had already been voted off, he didn't think anyone would believe him, that it was sour grapes, yada yada. And really, why would anyone stick a blowtorch down their pants?”

“Too steal it, apparently.” Bard took a long swallow of his beer. “Wonder what else he took?”

“I heard when he returned everything, he had bowls, measuring cups—Pyrex and dry—measuring spoons, the blowtorch, and he seemed overly fond of spatulas. I think Saruman said he returns nearly dozen of them.”

“Damn,” Aislinn stared at him in disbelief, “Never mind the mixer, why all those spatulas?”

“Got me.” Thranduíl shrugged. “Although, if I had to guess, I’d say because they’d be the easiest to steal. Slip them into your waistband and go on your merry way.”

Bard chuckled. “I’d be afraid of them slipping all the way down and coming out the bottom of my pants legs. I wouldn’t want to have to explain.”

“Didn’t seem to stop him. But, it’s almost too bad he didn't nick the mixer. If he’d gotten that, he’d be legend.” Aislinn lifted the bottle to her lips for a sip. The beer was cold and light, with just a hint of orange to it. “I’m impressed by the blowtorch, myself.”

“Well, he did say crème brûlée was his specialty,” Thranduíl said, lifting the olives from his martini. He popped one into his mouth, chewed for a moment, then swallowed before saying, “What do you think we’re going to have to make tomorrow for the technical?”

Bard shook his head. “I haven’t the slightest idea. Cake is the best I can guess.”

That earned him a long look from Thranduíl. “Well, no shit, Bard. It is Final Week. Biscuits first. Bread for technical and now cake.” He glanced over at Aislinn. “Pardon my language.”

“Have you heard me when things aren’t going my way?” She took another swallow and set the bottle down. “You must. You’re only right in front of me.”

“You swear?” Bard asked, looking from her to Thranduíl and back. “Is she serious? I can’t see it.”

Thranduíl offered up a grin and slowly nodded. “Yeah, she does. Like a sailor when properly riled. The other week, when her mousse didn’t set… I’m telling you, I didn't know you could string together that many swear words.”

Aislinn shrugged as Bard threw his head back and laughed. “I was mad about that,” she said with a shrug. “I must’ve made that mousse a half dozen times in practice and had no trouble. But when it counts? The whole thing goes to hell on me. I was pissed. The only reason I didn’t get voted off was because Tauriel melted Dori’s ice cream.”

“Really?” Thranduíl asked dryly, one manicured brow arched. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk,” she told him. “Don’t think I didn't hear you today when your fruit began to scorch while you were reducing it.”

Thranduíl rolled his green eyes. “That was totally different.”

“It was totally the same and you know it.”

He grinned then and nodded slowly. “Okay, you win. It was the same. And I didn't think you heard me. I didn’t think anyone had.”

Bard chuckled. “I didn’t, if it matters at all. I did, however, hear you.” He gestured to Aislinn with his bottle. “And you were colorful.”

“I was mad.”

“I gathered.”

Katie came back then and they ordered a bunch of appetizers in place of actual meals and by the time the food was gone, Aislinn was pretty sure she’d never laughed so hard. After several martinis, Thranduíl broke out impressions of Saruman and Radagast, and then moved on to Elrond and Gandalf that had her and Bard almost crying with laughter. 

It was nearly midnight by the time they decided to call it a night. The humidity had crept up and clouds now blotted out any stars, and Aislinn turned to the others. “Okay, I need to get home and get some sleep. I should’ve known better than to come out with you.”

“Why?” Thranduíl asked, looking from Bard to her. 

“Because I’m going to be beat tomorrow and now I don’t have time to go and memorize my cookbooks. And the technicals are hard enough as it is. Being half asleep and kind of hungover won’t do me any favors.”

Bard gave her a playful nudge. “You’ll be fine. Come on, I’ll split a cab with you. Don’t you live over by Branson Park?”

“How did you know?”

“I overheard you and Nori talking about the best ways to get home that first night.” Bard grinned. “And I’ll bet you he walked off with half a dozen ramekins that same day.”

“Couldn’t find a way to carry the whole dozen, could he?” Thranduíl asked dryly. “He must have an entire new kitchen by now.”

Bard held up a hand to signal for a cab, saying, “He’s probably got two of everything by now. At least, until he returned all that he took,” as he flagged down a cab, then added, “So, what say you, Ash?”

“Ash?”

“Yeah. Ash.” He smiled as a yellow cab drew to a halt at the curb and he pulled open the rear door. “It suits you. Come on. You don’t want to have to rely on Thrandy here to get you home safely, do you?”

“Why not?” Thranduíl asked, staring down at Bard as if he’d been gravely insulted. “She’s as safe with me as she is with you.”

“Okay, enough, both of you.” She looked from one to the other, then rolled her eyes and slid into the cab’s backseat with a light, “’Night, Thrandy. See you tomorrow,” and to the cabbie, added, “One-twenty Duane Street, please.”

Bard lowered himself into the seat alongside her as Thranduíl said, “Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you both tomorrow,” and closed the door behind Bard.

As the cab pulled away from the curb, Aislinn looked over at him. “I really misjudged him, you know.”

“Thrandy?” He waited for her to nod, then nodded himself. “Yeah. A lot of people do. He comes across like a spoiled rich kid, and being as quiet as he is doesn’t help. It just makes people think he’s a dick.”

“You knew him before coming here?”

“Yeah.” Bard grinned. “We were roommates in college.”

“No shit?”

“No shit.”

“That must’ve been a fun dorm room.”

“It was… interesting…” 

He turned toward the window as the storefronts slid by, and tapped the glass idly. “So, what do you do when you’re not trying to win this competition?”

“Me? I’m a nurse, actually.”

He looked over at her, eyes wide. “Really?” 

“You sound surprised.”

“I am. I’d think you wouldn’t have much free time for baking.”

“It keeps me sane, is what it does.” She shrugged. “What about you?”

“I’m a commercial fisherman.”

“Get out, really?”

He nodded. “Really. My family’s been in the industry since the beginning of time, it seems. My boat is being captained by my second while I’m here and I’m trying real hard to not obsess over it.”

“And how’s that going?”

“It’s really not, but I’m trying.”

She laughed at the note of worry that crept into his voice. “Well, we’re almost done. Two more challenges and then you can go back to your boat.”

“My family will be disappointed. They seem to like having me around more.”

This was the first he’d mentioned a family, and Aislinn felt a pang of disappointment. “They must miss you when you’re out on the water.”

“Yeah. It’s a little easier now, since they’re older, but still…” He sighed and looked over at her. “I missed a good chunk of their lives when they were little ones. My wife—” 

She waited for him to go on, remained quiet until he cleared his throat and continued, “It was easier when she was still here. For them, I mean. I don’t think they missed me much then.” He looked over at her, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “But now, it’s just them and me, and they won’t ever say anything, but I’ve a feeling they’d be just as happy if I retired and stayed home baking all day.”

“What happened to your wife?”

“Cancer. Ovarian.” He shook his head slowly. “Four years ago.”

“I’m so sorry. That sucks.”

“You know, I never know what to say when someone says they’re sorry, and I don’t mean that in a dickish way. I really don’t know what to say to it.”

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s totally okay if you don’t.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged, “but that doesn’t seem right, either. But, yeah. She fought it for almost a year, but, you know how it ends. She died and I’m raising three kids and I have no idea what I’m even doing, even now.” A soft laugh bubbled to his lips. “But, they’re patient and I muddled through and I think we’re doing okay now.”

“How old?”

“Bain’s my oldest. He’s almost twenty now. A junior at NYU. And there are my girls Sigrid, who’s eighteen and finishing up high school in June, and Tilda, who’s fourteen and a freshman. What about you? Married? Kids?”

“No. And no. It’s just me and the fish in my apartment.” She shook her head. “Work leaves me with neither the time nor the energy to date, and that’s fine. Seems to me there’s nothing but weirdos out there. I hear enough dating horror stories at work to make me kind of glad it’s me and the fish.”

“Don’t let Thrandy know you’re single,” Bard cautioned as the cab drew to a halt outside a brownstone apartment building. “He’s got a crush on you, you know.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said, her cheeks growing warm at his compliment. “But, married men really don’t interest me.”

“I’m just kidding you, Ash. He’s a happily married man with a mortgage, a son in college, and a dog. He’s not looking to cheat on his wife. Although, you’re cute, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was tempted, you know.”

Unexpected heat swept into her cheeks. “Shut up. He would not.”

Bard winked as the cab pulled up to the curb. He got out to let her out and when she stepped up onto the sidewalk, he winked again. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Ash.”

“See you tomorrow.” She smiled and threw a wave as she shifted her backpack higher on her shoulder and made her way toward her apartment building. At the door, she turned to see the cab hadn’t moved and Bard watching her from the back seat. She waved once more, and as she stepped into the vestibule, the cab finally pulled away. 

[bts-weverse-trans]

201126 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Jin

Jin: “It feels like my memories of ARMY were all a dream” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.26

Jin is calm and quiet throughout the whole interview. But while his words start out sounding like those in an everyday conversation, they soon begin to tell the story of a protagonist in the intricate drama that is BTS.

You worked on the lyrics for “Stay.” Jin: The song opens with the words, “Was it a dream?” and I came up with the theme. We used to see our fans and it was great, but now that’s something we can’t do anymore. I thought it all felt like a dream. I wanted to say, “We used to be so happy together, but now I feel like your very existence was a dream.” I came up with the intro and then talked about it with RM. He really helped me a lot.

I’m guessing you came up with the lyrics because of COVID-19. Jin: It was around two to three months ago that I wrote the lyrics for the song, when it seemed like COVID-19 wasn’t getting any better. I want to put on another concert, and, like I said, it feels like my memories of ARMY were all a dream: Ah, they always used to be there with us, and then they disappeared like a memory—was all that a dream? Will we ever meet again? Those kinds of thoughts.

It sounds like you had a hard time getting used to this new situation. Jin: Yes. That used to be a part of our life for years, so it felt like a part of my life disappeared. When we had a busy schedule to deal with, sometimes I thought maybe it would be fun to have no job, but when that work was no longer there, no matter what I did, even if I poured myself into it, it all became meaningless very quickly. I felt insecure when I had nothing to do, since I’m so used to being busy, and feeling insecure made me think more about the things I like, and what I should do to make myself happier, besides work.

Would you say that’s been incorporated into your work on BE? Just from looking at the album photos, we can see each of you expressing your own thoughts through your room designs. Jin: Mine was the jewel room. They asked me what kind of concept I wanted for my room. I thought about what I wanted to do, and I wanted to go with gems. I was imagining myself lying down with gems all around me, but V, who was the visual director, thought I was joking at first. (laughs) “You were supposed to decorate the room, what do you mean gems?” But still, that’s the image I had in mind, so we went with that concept, except it wasn’t full of gems like I imagined. But I really stand out in the picture, so I’m satisfied with the result.

Why did you choose gems? Jin: Well … I have a sort of free, do-whatever-I-want personality, and at the time, I was really intrigued by gems, so that’s what I chose. This year, with the pandemic, I had more time to think about what I want and the things I want to do, and to try some new things, like playing piano, playing games, not playing games, meeting different people. But still, I can’t tell what I really like. I don’t think I ever thought much about myself, other than the work part. The best answer I found was doing whatever I’m interested in at the moment; is being the truest to myself. I’m more of a feeler than a thinker. Some might say I should have a plan for my future, but I don’t have any. (laughs) I thought that I really just do as I please.

So what does it mean to do as you please? Jin: Like I said, I’m someone who literally lives only in the present, so I tend to forget about the past, and I don’t stress over the future. I know I won’t forget important moments or times I spent with other people, but I’ve forgotten all the bad things that happened in the past and the hard times I had, and I’m really satisfied with my life now and happy to be working hard. How can anyone feel happy over and over again from something that happened in the past, no matter how good it was? You can be happier finding 10,000 won on the ground now than earning 100 times that in the past. I think I’m living true to my feelings by living in the now rather than thinking about the future or the past.

Even though you say you do whatever you’d like, aren’t there things you still need to be careful about, being a part of BTS? Jin: There are things that should be followed as a rule, such as not crossing on a red light, for example. Because if you do, there might be an accident. So those things, I set aside as things I shouldn’t do, so I never really thought of wanting to do them.

That sounds more like self-discipline. (laughs) Jin: It’s the same as not crossing at a red light if you don’t want to get hurt. I can keep myself happy living in the present as long as I’m not doing anything I shouldn’t be doing. Some might feel a bit frustrated, but they might also be the kind of people who cross at a red light. (laughs)

The song “Dis-ease” captures each of the BTS members’ thoughts on work. Is it especially difficult for you, in particular, to separate work from your personal life? Your life is influenced by your work. Jin: To me, work makes a lot of things happen in my life. Naturally there are times I feel stressed because of work, but the work I do makes me happy and has led to some spectacular experiences. Sometimes it’s interesting, other times it might be exhausting. I think I feel an entire spectrum of emotions thanks to my work. I lead my life the way I do because of my work, so to speak.

Just as you did, the other members also expressed on BE their feelings of what they’ve been through. Other than “Stay,” what other songs did you relate to? Jin: I didn’t really think about which songs I relate to, but I can tell you which song I like the most: “Blue & Grey,” by V. I liked that song from the very first time I listened to it, so I listened to the demo over and over again.

What was the demo version like? Jin: When V first made it and gave it to me, it didn’t have the rap part yet. There were no lines for the rap but it sounded really unique. Only the instrumental was there for that part and it felt like it was time for thinking by myself. Of course, I like the full version with the rap, too, but still, I liked how there was space that made you think. It’s been a long time since I got that feeling from listening to one of the demos. The first one was “Spring Day,” and the second was “Blue & Grey.”

It sounds like you found the song right when you needed some time to think. Jin: Yes. Before our debut, I had a clear goal: to debut. I chased after that one goal. After we debuted, I was chasing after a number one hit, and after we got number one I was chasing after major awards. And after that there were a lot of other awards, like from Billboard, and performances to put on, but it wasn’t a goal in the sense that it was my goal to debut. I’m just happy to be working. Every moment is wonderful and has become like my whole life. That wasn’t how I felt when I was a trainee because I had a serious goal then. But now, my goal is to live without overthinking anything. Maybe it’s not really a goal but a kind of defense mechanism.

A defense mechanism? Jin: As you get thinking, you might somehow undermine yourself. So, as long as I don’t think too hard, I can work hard right now. Maybe that’s why I called it a defense mechanism: If I stop and think about it, I might have too many ways to put myself down.

But if you imagine someone else were to have accomplished the same things you have, wouldn’t they think they deserve to feel proud? Jin: That’s true, but I’m also one of seven members of BTS. Thinking about what I’ve done as an individual feels like a burden to me. Up until we finished working on Map of the Soul: 7, I wasn’t burdened but felt, “Okay, we all did a good job. I’m happy with this.” But after getting “Dynamite” to the top of the Billboard Top 100 and starting down this new road, I started to wonder if I deserve any of this.

But you experienced a lot of big things before. What made you think that way this time? Jin: I was waiting for the chart position to come out all day, and then right before bed, Namjoon sent a message to our group chat. That’s when I realized we were number one! I was really happy, but something felt different. Maybe it was because we couldn’t see our fans. After “Dynamite,” we got even more love from even more people, and even when I was walking down the street, people would say things like, “I’m a big fan of yours,” or, “Thank you for introducing Korea to the world.” Then I started to think, “Do I deserve all this congratulations and love? That’s not me—I’m not that kind of person.” I got over it a bit, but even until a few days ago, the pressure was so intense that I couldn’t get any work done.

How did you move away from all that pressure? Jin: I just moved on. Like with COVID-19, we all have to wait and stay put until everything gets better. And actually, after “Dynamite” made number one, we got really busy, so I was able to think less about other things and basically avoid them that way, all those questions about life. I think that’s how I endured.

If you had had the fans there with you, maybe you would have felt less pressure or worry. Maybe it makes what you’re doing now seem incomplete compared to the past. Jin: We did so much and we worked so hard, but the result doesn’t hit you the same way, does it? The—excitement, maybe?—isn’t quite there. There’s a big difference between performing for people and performing for the camera. The performance itself is hard, too, of course. I have to keep at it for months once we start. But when we perform for people, I feel alive.

Had you been able to perform “Dynamite” on stage for your fans, you probably would have felt more love and more confident taking first place. Jin: I want to look and do my best in front of the fans no matter what. It’s a lot more fun when our fans are there, right in front of us. I’m not thinking about anything else in another sense, when they’re there with us.  For people who don’t perform like we do, when they have fun, they don’t think about much else, and just focus on what they’re doing. I think we’re the same way when our fans are around. I don’t have to think about anything else, because my fans are all right in front of me. I just have fun and forget about everything else.

Hopefully you’ll feel like everything is back to normal once you can see your fans again. Jin: At first I thought I’ll probably cry tears of joy. But would I? I don’t really think so. At first I really thought I would, but now I think it might feel like going back home. It depends on who you ask, but I don’t think most people would cry just because they came back to their hometown after being away. I think that’s how I’ll feel: like I’m back where I should be.

Talking to you, it seems like the sense of being loved by your fans must be important to you, emotionally. Jin: You’re right. Getting love from the fans was my source of happiness—what can I compare this to? Like a kid who’s always showered with love by their parents, but then the parents are suddenly gone on a business trip for like, ten months. It’s kind of like that. I was always trying to make our fans smile, make them feel good, by acting cute, but now my parents have been away on their business trip for, ten months, and I’m trying to be cute over a video call. That’s what it feels like. So please, wrap up your business trip as soon as possible, and hurry up and come home so I can show you how cute I am again! And, to COVID-19: Please get lost. (laughs)

Trans © Weverse

[aktiophis]

On The Moon

Okay so I’ve talked a bit about the planetary hours before, and I’m pretty sure I mentioned the Moon, but I sort of want to talk a bit more about the sort of considerations you would give to the Moon in magic. I’m going to try and keep it as much as I can to considerations you can make without knowing how to draw up and read an astrological chart.

So the planetary hours are really one of the simplest ways to time magic. They’re very accessible and for that reason very widely used. That being said, the day and hour of Mars in itself is not going to be as powerful as say, Mars in Aries culminating at the midheaven with the moon waxing to full trine it or whatever. But without going into an in depth look at an astrological chart there are some considerations you can make to add something more to how you time spells or talismans.

The Moon is very important in traditional forms of astrology and astrological magic. It is the closest heavenly sphere, and the influences of the other planets and stars filter down onto the Earth through the Moon. In horary astrology, the Moon is also often treated as an additional significator for the querent. It’s a big deal. Even in folk magic traditions as seen in the Book of Gold (or maybe the long lost friend, or both, I don’t recall), the sign and phase of the moon play a big role in the timing of magic. Even Farmer’s Almanac’s make use of the Moon. So, if you’re to consider only one extra thing, it should be the Moon.

The Moon also happens to be the fastest moving planet, so in terms of accessibility you aren’t going to have to wait 2.5 years for it to change sign like you might with Saturn. Unless something is really time sensitive, you can push a ritual back a day so the Moon changes sign.

I’m going to start with the easiest things to identify and incorporate, and then work the way up to the more borderline chart interpretation stuff.

Phase

The Moon’s phase is just, so easy to work into things. You can really just go out and check what it’s looking like if you absolutely have no other way of ascertaining it by google somehow. Anyone who has picked up a mass market paperback on modern witchcraft/whatever will have read a copy-paste section on how waxing is for increase and waning for decrease. And honestly yeah, that’s about the gist. Most books on Western Magic will prefer a waxing Moon, simply because quite a lot of magic seeks to increase a thing. But you can work to decrease say debt, or illness, or whatever. So just by making your Jupiter talisman in a waxing Moon, that’s a step up.

One thing I will say is at least be aware of when the moon is combust (pretty much the day before and after a new moon, where the moon isn’t visible). In general, for astrological magic, no see planet=no good. There are certainly things this can be good for, and I’ve seen folk magic that specifically calls for this time period, but in terms of a planetary talisman or something of that kind, combustion is generally something to avoid unless there are other circumstances in play, like the planet is in a sign it rules, or Cazimi (which is a very close conjunction with the sun), which is conversely very good, unlike literally every other point of a solar conjunction. 

Sign

You can also consider what sign the Moon is in when selecting a time. Continuing with a Jupiter Talisman, the Moon being in Pisces or Sagittarius works well, because those signs are ruled by Jupiter. That sounds a bit wishy washy, but it’s based on the concept of reception. If the Moon is in a planet’s Sign, that planet is receiving the moon as a guest when the Moon is in said Sign. This in turn gives us a link between the planet and the Moon, which is, to reinforce what I’ve said, the body responsible for focusing the planetary force onto the Earth and something traditional astrologer’s seem to spend a lot of time fussing about. Jupiter receives the Moon by exaltation in Cancer, which could be another one for that example, especially since the moon rules Cancer as well.

Aspect

The Moon being in an appropriate sign is great, but more often what you find books looking for is the Moon aspecting the planet, specifically by a trine or sextile. That would require a chart to be drawn up, and I’m sort of trying to keep this to things that don’t require the ability to draw up a chart or read a wheel chart. So, no degree based aspects. But, if you know where the planet is, so say Jupiter is in Aquarius as of writing, you might pick a day when you know the moon is waxing in Taurus, which is a sign based sextile from Aquarius (a sextile is 60 degrees, so 2 signs. Trine is 120 degrees, which is the same as moving 4 signs. A square then is move three signs and an opposition 6, for completeness). Extra brownie points because the moon exalts in Taurus. A degree based aspect is obviously preferable, but ignoring that, just googling what sign a planet is in and finding a day when the moon is in a sign either 2 or 4 signs onwards or previous is as good as you’ll get.

Beyond this point, I’m mainly mentioning things for completeness, because If the moon is a bit slow but Jupiter is really strong and everything else is good, just do it anyway. Plus these are starting to enter territory where you should really have drawn up a chart and they’re extra considerations to help find the best date for something big.

Lunar Mansion

There are 28 Lunar mansions for the just under 28 days of the Moon’s sidereal period. Christopher Warnock has a good book covering them, but they’re another consideration you can use, and there are a whole class of talismans specifically using the Lunar Mansions for different goals. Naturally if you’re making a Lunar mansion Talisman this will be much higher up the list. I think Lunarium has a widget that shows the current Lunar Mansion.

Speed

So this one I don’t know how you would evaluate  without at least an ephemeris, but there’s probably a calculator somewhere that can tell you what speed the Moon is going at. The idea behind this one is easy enough too: Moon go more fast, magic go more fast. The speed of the planet’s generally is quite important to some astrologers, and William Lilly seems to consider a fast planet a bit more dignified and a slow one a bit more debilitated. 

Void of Course

Lunarium also has a little widget for this, but you should just make the damned chart and get over it at this point. There are a few different definitions of Void of Course which I’ve seen and I’m sure there are people with personal views on what does and doesn’t count, but personally I would consider the moon void of course if it is not currently applying to an aspect with a planet or Lunar Node. There are some that say “if it does not apply within the next 30 degrees” or “before the end of the sign” and a few others, but honestly just pick one and work with it and see what happens. To be honest I think the importance of VoC is overstated, but the idea is if the Moon isn’t applying to an aspect, it’ll be harder to achieve what you want to because there isn’t anywhere for the Moon to work on because it isn’t forming a new connection.

Anyway to tie it all together, without doing too much legwork you can decide you want to do a Jupiter talisman, and it just so happens that on a Thursday the moon is waxing in Pisces and you happen to know that Jupiter is in cancer (it isn’t but just pretend it is). Without having to read a natal chart, you have an election in the correct day and hour, with the Moon increasing it’s light, and the planet you’re working with is strongly placed, (mutually) receiving the moon, and making a good aspect with the Moon. That is quite a step up, and frankly beyond that you’ll want to start learning how to read a chart because this still doesn’t address like, Saturn and Mars. Like honestly by the time you’re addressing void of course you should really know how to read a chart.

[snxxiao]

Your Fall | Tsukishima Kei (feat. Yamaguchi Tadashi)

—Pairing: Tsukishima x f! reader, Yamaguchi x f! reader (kinda, not really)

—Summary: When you were head over heals for his best friend, how was Tsukishima meant to tell you his real feelings? 

—Content: angst, fluff, friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, unrequited love, pining, everyone is really bad at emotions, drinking (of age), mentions of vomit/nausea, innocent! reader, college party, heartbreak, heated make out sessions, a bit of groping, young love, clueless (read: idiot) everyone, corruption kink if you squint,  slow burn (?), yams and tsuki are kind of ooc, loss of innocence? (kinda idk), walking in on two people doing the deed, cussing!!, virgin! reader, possessive! Tsukishima, tsuki is a little out of a perv?, very very loose discription of a panic attack if you squint real hard, vi I think that’s it?? Tell me if I’m missing something :)

—WC: 8.5K 

—Notes: first full blown one-shot for this blog!! Woo!! It’s not even nsfw, idk how I managed to do that. I just got into an angst reading mood and decided to write this so here we are! I’m still not fully happy with it, but I never really like the things I write so it’s okay :). I’m not happy with the ending, either, so at some point. I might come back and fix it. Umm,, oh! There will be a nsfw part 2 at some point called “winter”. I was originally going to add it here, but by the time I finished the main story, I realised it was already 8k (plus I didn’t really know how to include it bc I hate when smut is just thrown into a fanfic without incorporating it to the plot) and decided just to include it in another part :) when it’s finished I’ll like it bother here and on my Masterlist :) have a nice day!! Sorry if this was bad!!

—Masterlists <3

Yamaguchi was an easy man to love. You knew that very well. How exactly couldn’t he be? With his big puppy-dog eyes and his warm heart to match, how was anyone meant to not fall for him? 

He was the type to carry around hair ties or pads just in case you needed them. The type to always offer up his jacket when you were cold.  Not to mention the freckles- oh my god weren’t his freckles just the cutest thing? He was the perfect man. You knew that, of course you did.

You had been nursing a crush on him since you first made it into Karasuno. You had bumped into the then second year on your very first day. You had somehow managed to get lost enough to end up in the second-year hallways, and he, being the oh-so-kind gentleman he was, helped you back to class.

Back then it was just a crush, puppy-dog love if you wanted to call it that. To be honest, you even followed him around like a lost puppy. But you couldn’t help it, you were just so enamored by his being. All logical thoughts didn’t matter, only those surrounding your senior did, and that was okay. Of course it was. 

Ever since that day, you did everything you could to force your way into his tight nit friend group- even if that meant having to put up with the berates of Tsukkishima Kei. You just wanted to be around Yamaguchi in any way you could, and if that meant putting up with the mongrel that stole your food and called you an idiot, you would take it. It was all worth it for Tadashi. 

He was like spring- the warmth, the happiness, the new beginnings. It was amazing. 

To everyone else, your crush on him was obvious. Whenever you were around him, whenever he was giving you the slightest bit of attention, your cheeks would always become flushed. Your words would stutter. You’d give him gifts you that you didn’t seem to give anyone else. Not to mention how you would go all out for valentines day, spoiling him with homemade chocolates and any gifts you could find. 

How could everyone not notice when it was so very obvious?

But, as stories like these go, it wasn’t obvious to him. He just thought you were nice. Maybe shy like him! You guys could understand each other because you were both so timid, must’ve been one of the reasons you were always around him and Tsukki, right? You must’ve been too nervous to make friends with anyone in your own grade. He didn’t mind, he liked your company. He hoped you guys would stay friends even after high school. You were a kind, calming personality to be around- a perfect comparison to Tsukki. 

He was naïve, you both were. 

Of course, he didn’t know about your feelings.

Tsukkishima, on the other hand, was the first person to notice. How could he not? No other girls really gave his best friend the attention that you did. None of them brightened at the slightest amount of physical affection from his friend. None of them made food or brought snacks to him. Obviously, he made fun of your antics, how could he not? You looked so stupid with your ears pink, your voice stuttering.

You were especially cute when he was teasing you, how your personality did a 180-degree flip for him. He got to see the side of you that you never let Yamaguchi see out of fear that he wouldn’t find you appealing. The side that was quick-witted and loud while still managing to maintain an air of innocence. The side that would surly make Yamaguchi turn his head up at the idea of even dating you. It was the same side that made Tsukkishima actually like to be around you. He loved your reactions; they were always so funny. How could he stop himself from teasing you? Especially when Yams was around.

Tsukkishima would never admit that he found you cute though- anytime the thought crossed his mind he’d push it away and shun it. You weren’t cute, just annoying, and stupid like everyone else. It wasn’t his fault that you gave amazing reactions. That’s all he wanted- a reaction out of you. Not for you to pay attention to him, to get your attention away from Yamaguchi for one goddamn minute of your life. Not for you to let go of that faux, overly shy persona that you had when it was his best friend around. Of course, it wasn’t that.

Thankfully, much to Tsukkishima’s delight (even if it was delight he was not yet willing to admit to), as you grew closer to the two men, you let the personality you had around Yamaguchi falter a bit more. The longer you three stayed friends, the more comfortable you must’ve felt. Yamaguchi didn’t really pick up on any difference, but Tsukkishima, whether it was consciously or not, did.

He noticed how your words would stutter less, how you slowly gained more confidence around them. How you were more willing to fight back against Tsukki, even in the presence of Yamaguchi. He liked it, it made you more fun to be around. They weren’t just your seniors anymore; they were your best friends.

You three did everything together- shopping, karaoke, meals. On special days you even brought Tsukki a bento box. He didn’t like to admit it, but he loved your cooking. The cute touches you added made him smile inside. Still, he kept convincing himself that the only reason he wanted to smile was because your childish antics were so stupid.

The only time he even came close to realizing his feelings for you was when he finally noticed how many guys confessed their feelings to you. When he picked you up at your locker (a habit he gained after learning you two attended the same cram school), more often than not there was a confession letter waiting inside. He never really noticed them, though. That was until white day, March 14th.

 He saw you coming down to your lockers after your club activity, a giant stuffed dog held firmly in your arms. That was something he surly noticed. Something he couldn’t miss. 

“What the hell is that?” he asked, glaring slightly at the offending object in your possession. He had no right to be jealous, he hadn’t even come to terms with the fact he liked you. But he knew you having something like that made him upset.

“Hmm? Oh! This? Some guy gave it to me,” you smiled, a pink blush dusting your cheeks, “His name is Ruffus!” He rolled his eyes at the stupid name you gave the stuffed puppy before smirking slightly. You were blushing, that meant Yamaguchi must’ve given it to you right? You did give him home made chocolates on valentine’s day. You were probably so happy because this meant he was finally reciprocating.

“Ahhh, I get it. Yams gave that to you huh? So, you two are finally a thing? Took both of you long enough.” You blushed at his comment.

“Of course, not you idiot, some guy in my class gave it to me. I didn’t even give him anything for valentine’s day.” You told him as you opened your locker. He looked inside, noticing quite a few pink cards located inside. The same type of envelopes those guys put their disgusting confession letters in. The feeling in his gut sparked back up.

You didn’t pay them any attention though, you just stuffed them into your bag so you could write them each a letter back, rejecting them as politely as you could. That’s what you normally did, anyway. The letters weren’t really anything new. 

“Yams’ didn’t get me anything.” You said, forcing a smile, “I would say there’s next year, but you two are graduating, gonna leave me all alone! How will I survive!” You smiled at him and continued on your way to the train station. He actually felt bad for you. He normally doesn’t feel bad for anyone, but there you were, still pining after a guy who hadn’t shown any interest in you for over a year. He knew you had plenty of options (himself being one of them), but there you were, still going after his best friend who saw you as northing more then a cute little sister.

He wanted to tell you to get over him, but he was never very good at expressing what he wanted to say in words. Even if he did tell you, you both knew your feelings wouldn’t just go away. He could just tell you that Yams liked some other girl, but something in him told him not to. He didn’t want to see you sad.

So, instead, the next day he popped into your classroom early in the morning. Before you were even able to greet him, he walked over to you, put a stuffed frog on your head, then left the room without saying anything. He had never done something like that before, he wasn’t the type to give people gifts. You were confused, very confused over his actions. But happy.

He knew a gift from him was different then a gift from Yamaguchi, Yamaguchi was better than him after all. But, he had the urge to help in some way, so getting you a gift was the least he could do.

---

When graduation rolled around for your third-year best friends, you were there to support them. You always would be. You had flowers for the two of them, as well as a big dinner planned for later that night. You were going to treat them. The thought made you smile, they really deserved it.

After the ceremony, when you arrived to their classroom, Yamaguchi looked as handsome as ever, but then again, when didn’t he? His smile looked so pretty talking to his classmates. You wished he was smiling at you. But then again, when didn’t you?

Tsukkishima finally came over to you before Yamaguchi did. He had an annoyed scowl when you gave him the flowers, but then again, he always did, didn’t he? You were so proud of your friends that today you didn’t mind the teasing or the typical rude comments. You just wanted to spend a nice, happy, last day of high school with your crush and your best friend.

---

Your friends had both gotten into the same university, a university that you hoped to attened yourself the following year. You couldn’t imagine going anywhere else. You wanted to be with them again.

When the next school year started up you realized how terribly you missed the duo. Sure, you had other friends in your classes, but it wasn’t the same as the time you got to spend with the seniors you held so close to your heart. So, what else could you do other then put your head into a book and study? You worked as hard as you could to be able to make it into their university. Then you’d get to spend time with your friends once again.

As expected when their classes started up you didn’t get to see them as often, typically only getting to text them rather then actually meet in person. Yamaguchi seemed really supportive about you going to university with them, often sending you texts of encouragement on long nights of studying. Even better was when he had the time he took you out to get coffee, then to the local library to help you study. It reminded you why you started to like him in the first place; you wanted to be better for him. Better then just a silly little high school girl with a silly little crush.

Tsukishima, while you hoped would be just as supportive as Yams, didn’t really seem to care much. The occasional hangout still took place, you both still texted. However, college was stressful; it was really hard. Never mind his volleyball career and the countless hours he put into practice. The time you used to take up in his life was now consumed by school. You didn’t really expect any more or any less from him. At least you still had Yamaguchi, that was who you really needed, right?

 He was your springtime, remember?

---

Finally, you managed to do it! You graduated your final, painstaking year of high school! Even got into your top university, the one Tsuki and Yams went to! You were so excited. You couldn’t believe it when you got your acceptance letter.

Finally, you would be re-united with your best friends again. It would be just like high school all over again, right?

As per usual, you were wrong. It seemed like most of the time you were. While they were both happy for you (overjoyed actually), when you finally started attending the university, the dynamic was drastically different than before. You hoped you would get to spend time together once again, just like you did back in the good old days. You hoped you would all get to eat lunch together, hang out after school, study together. But none of that was really the same.

Your and Tsuki’s schedule always lined up together, however, Yamaguchi’s always ended being the opposite. Which left you and Tsukishima to hang out a lot more often, something neither of you could really argue with. He missed you, a lot more then he was willing to admit. You missed your big old oaf as well, especially your late-night talks about life. More often than not, he ended up in your room until the moon was high in the sky, just, talking to you. After his long, stressful days, you were the exact break he needed.

Your talks never got emotional, at least they didn’t on his end. But that was okay, you didn’t mind. That was always just… him. And you liked your friendship with him. Whenever your conversations ventured to Yamaguchi, he made sure to never talk about his friends love life. The crushes he had on other girls at the time, his friends ideal type, none of that. Maybe that was a mistake, he didn’t know. Maybe you would have finally taken the hint and gotten over your feelings. He just didn’t want to hurt you. The way your eyes lit up when his best friend was around, he couldn’t take that away from you. That just wasn’t right. He just wanted to see you happy. That was his excuse.

As the years continued on, your puppy-love that originally began in high school had only grown and bloomed into a full-fledged love for none other than Yamaguchi Tadashi, the innocence with it still carried over. He had nurtured that love without even knowing it himself. He was an easy man to love. In your second year of college, you knew that for sure.

There you were, laying on the floor with Tsukishima occupying the bed like most other nights. That day you had gone out with the two of them, now, you were flustered. Mad even. That day, while you were out, you noticed Tadashi staring at a pretty 4th year girl. His cheeks were completely flushed, and when she managed to bump into him on accident, he could barely utter a word. The two of you were opposites, that was pretty obvious, even if it was just based on looks alone. She was graceful and elegant, and so very mature. While you were still cute and innocent; your second year of college and you hadn’t even had your first kiss yet.  

It hurt, it really, really hurt to see that. So, you now sat there, stewing in silence as Tsuki kicked your head for the umpteenth time trying to get your attention.

“Oi, you fre-“

“I think Tadashi is into experienced girls.” You said abruptly, finally breaking out of your once quiet demeanor. Tsuki shifted uncomfortably, not really knowing how to traverse around this.

“What the fuck are you on about this time?”  Was the response he settled with. You turned around, finally making eye contact with him.

“Think about it! We both saw how he was around that girl today!” You pouted, standing up. You put your hands on your hips. Kei thought you looked stupid (cute) like that, with your cheeks all puffed out in obvious irritation.

“Yeah and?”

“Do you think if I was more experienced then I would have a chance with him?” He really didn’t know how to answer this one. It was one of the subjects he always avoided. He knew Tadashi’s ideal type, but he would never actually tell you it.

“(y/n)..” he signed out, rubbing his face slightly in irritation. That’s when you said words he never thought he would actually hear from you.

“Could you teach me how to kiss?” It was silly of you to think knowing how to kiss would suddenly make him fall in love with you, but people did silly things for love didn’t they? You crawled between his legs, looking up at him with a smile and a pale pink blush adorning your features.

Tsukishima sat up straighter than he had before, and looked at you with evident shock across his features. You, his innocent little best friend, was asking him for kissing lessons? You were sitting so prettily between his legs? You weren’t actually serious were you? Sure, he knew how to, he had quite a bit of experience and that kind of thing didn’t mean much to him with other girls. And sure, the idea did excite him- but no. No, he couldn’t do that. Not to his best friend who was in love with their green-haired counterpart.

“Idiot, stop talking out of your ass.” He said, turning his face away from yours, a pink settling on his cheeks as well, “You wanted to save that for someone you cared about.” He knew this, of course he did. And he wasn’t that person. For some reason, at the thought of that, something panged in his heart.

“So what? It doesn’t matter anymore does it? I don’t care about that kind of thing anymore.” Yes you did. You both knew you did. Kei was the only one who was willing to admit it though.

He signed and tried to push you away from him slightly, “Yes you do. You just need to sleep this idiocity of yours off.” He was blunt about it, he always was. But, suddenly he felt a gentle tug on the bottom of his shirt and he instinctively met your gaze once again. His eyes couldn’t help but widen.

“Pl-please Kei…? I… I really need your help… I’m too inexperienced… I trust you a lot.. and I really need your help with this…” Now you were just flat out begging him. It tugged on his heart strings; it really did. He never wanted to make you sad.

He signed, you were always able to make him give in to stupid things. Only you though.

“Fine. But don’t come to me asking for shit like this again.” He stated bluntly. And suddenly, all the sadness vanished from your face, replaced with that big stupid smile he told himself he hated.

“Thank you! Thank you so much! You’re the best person in the world!” And for once, maybe he believed it. When you spoke things so earnestly, it was hard for him not to believe them. He rolled his eyes.

“You better not regret this okay?” He spoke softly. He slowly reached out and took you chin between his forefinger and thumb, leading your face closer to his.

“I promise I won’t.”

And with that last bit of consent he needed, he kissed you.

It was gentle, so gentle. It was too easy to kiss him back. Your grip stayed firm on the bottom of his shirt, your eyes screwed shut awkwardly tight. Eventually, he pulled away only to kiss you again, this time deeper and more passionate. He felt years of weight rushing off of him all at once and he had no clue why. All he knew is that for some reason he was finally able to relax. He removed his hand from your chin, instead resting it on your waist gently.

Before he realized what he was doing, he gently licked your bottom lip, asking for entrance. You squeaked but nevertheless obliged, opening your mouth just enough so he could move his tongue inside.

He kiss itself was slow and passionate. He slowly coaxed out what he wanted from you without exchanging any words. The only time the two of you pulled away was to take a breath before he kissed you again and again, each one rougher then the last. Eventually, you began to relax into his touch, into him as he kept going. You never really thought just kissing another person could feel this good.

At some point throughout the exchange, Tsukishima had managed to take hold of your ass, pulling you onto his lap. You let out a little whine when he gripped you too hard. That whine excited him. He didn’t think he could take it anymore. He was getting hard, too hard. Your innocence, your inexperience. He loved all of it.

He wasn’t thinking anymore, why should he think when he gets so drunk off of just kissing you?

Oh right.

That’s why.

Because its you. His best friend of 5 years who was hopelessly in love with someone else. Someone that wasn’t him. It made him upset, deeply so. Why didn’t you love him the same way you loved Yamaguchi? What did Yamaguchi have that he didn’t?

Wait, was he in love with you?

Thoughts over the last 5 years finally registered with him as you began to pull your shirt off. As much as he wanted to continue, this was all too much for him to deal with him at the moment. Years of feelings and emotions that he kept supressed rushed out of him like the Niagra falls. It was too much. This was too much.

That’s when he remembered, you weren’t doing this for him. You were doing it because you wanted Yamaguchi to like you. He had to stop this.

You moaned again and pulled away from the kiss, once again attempting to remove the annoying material known as your shirt. If he didn’t know the truth maybe he really would believe it, that you actually cared about him and wanted to do this.

Abruptly, Tsukishima stood up, causing you to fall back onto the plush, stuffed animal covered bed. You looked at him confused. He must’ve just been nervous to take things farther, he probably thought you didn’t want to. It was okay! You needed to learn about that stuff too anyway if you were going to show Yamaguchi how mature and elegant you could be. Just like that other girl. The girl he really liked.

“‘S okay!” You smiled and sat up on the bed, “We can keep going, I don’t mind.” You looked at him with hopeful eyes, expecting him to move back on top of you to continue. But instead, he began to grab his things and make way for the door. You were confused. Why was he acting like this all of a sudden? Didn’t he say he would help? Didn’t he wanna do this? You quickly got up and grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“Did I do something wrong? Was I that bad?”

“No.” He bluntly stated, not looking back at you. He couldn’t deal with this. He pulled his arm away, “Just confess to him already. This is getting annoying. Shit it’s been annoying. It’s been 5 fucking years!” Suddenly, you felt insecure. You felt rejected.

“Wh-what? But I thought…”

“You thought wrong. Just tell him you like him.” And with that, he left your dorm room. He really didn’t understand why he was getting so upset, he didn’t exactly have a right to either. He had never felt this jealous before. He didn’t feel it when he fucked around with girls, didn’t feel it when guys hit on the other girls he had been interested it, but you were different. He needed to come to terms with these newly discovered feelings, yet he didn’t know if he could ever actually face you again. Not with you still head over heels for Yamaguchi.

So, the days trailed on with no sign of Tsukishima. Yamaguchi was showing up less and less, too. Presumably, he was meeting up with that girl again, Riko, as you learned her name to be. You saw them around campus a few times. But you didn’t let yourself admit the truth. You didn’t want to. It was better to just protect your heart. They were just friends, study partners. Had to be right?

The worst of it was that whenever you tried to talk to Tsuki, he always left you on read or said something so dry that you couldn’t reply to it. Seems like your spring, your happiness, your youth had finally faded.

Over the coming weeks you were alone again. Just like high school, you took to studying to drown out the feelings of loneliness. Helplessness maybe. Eventually, you stopped trying to spend time with them. It was obvious Kei had been ignoring you since that night, and Yamaguchi was clearly occupied with his summer fling.

That’s it.

This had to be the feeling of summer. Uncomfortable, alone, and warm. School was over, it wasn’t as easy to be around friends. There were still pretty flowers, they just weren’t around you. You had to seek refuge in your cool house. The cold was much more calming.

But eventually, you got tired of that too. You were tired of this. All the awkward tension, all the avoidance of each other. Maybe, just maybe, if you couldn’t save your relationship with Tsuki, you could at least save it with Yamaguchi.

You chose a day and marked it on your calendar. That was the day you would finally tell him your true feelings. Up until now, you were too scared of the rejection, too scared of loosing him, but you practically already had. Your friendship with the two men was in shambles, so if there was an all or nothing chance that could make things better, you decided you needed to take it.

If he rejects you, you decided that you could take it. You have to take it. You cant just sit there pining after him anymore. Back in your younger years you thought that you might still have a chance if you just waited it out. Maybe he would confess! But he never did. Maybe you just needed to confess your feelings to get over him. Maybe just maybe that’s what you wanted.

Or maybe you wanted him to accept you with open arms. You didn’t really know what you wanted. You just wanted to be done with the drama your crush on him has brought you so you could go back to spring.

But seasons change. The cruel clock continues to tick on and on without stopping. Once you passed spring you couldn’t get it back.

—-

Finally, when that fated day arrived, you walked up to his dorm. You tried your best to look nice and calm, but you knew you weren’t very good at that. Even when you tried your hardest you always looked slightly disheveled. You once hoped it was something Yamaguchi would like about you, but it never seemed like it was. Tsukishima loved it though, he was finally willing to admit it too.

You looked down at his door handle and noticed a sock placed on it. Looking back on that moment, you wished you knew what it meant. That might’ve saved you from seeing what you did.

You had a lot of wishes.

But alas, you never got that lesson from your female friends- hell you didn’t really had any close female friends other than the guy’s team managers in high school. So, in your naïveté, you gently took the sock off the handle, maybe it somehow ended up there when he was doing the laundry? He was clumsy like that. You shrugged it off and twisted to see if it was locked. It was.

That should have been your second red flag to turn back, he always kept his door unlocked.

But, once again, you always seemed to make the wrong choice.

You found your keys, pulling them out of your pocket. Located on the ringlet was the same key he had given to his dorm back at the beginning of the school year. Back when the 3 of you were closer. You suck it in the keyhole and turned it before opening the door, the sight inside scaring you.

Yamaguchi had his face scrunched up in pleasure, his cock buried deep inside Riko’s cunt. She was on her hands and knees with her back bent at an angle that couldn’t have been comfortable. Your eyes went wide as the sound of skin slapping against skin was all you could hear. Suddenly, you felt hot. Very hot. You couldn’t breathe either. It was like you had just run a marathon in 90-degree heat. It was awful.

You wished you had just turned around and ran before Yamaguchi saw you, you really wished you did. But you were frozen in place. It was like the summer heat had dragged you down to the fiery pits of hell.

Eventually, when he did see you, his face flushed even brighter than it had been before. He quickly pulled out of her, hurriedly dressing the two of them while you just stood in place. How long did you stand there? You had no idea.

You should have been happy for your friend; you really wish you could have been. You wished you could have just said something funny and walked away like nothing happened. If only your 5-year love for the man wasn’t in the way. Without it, this would have just been an awkward experience, not an utterly heartbreaking one. You didn’t have a right to be upset either, you knew that; you didn’t have a claim over him. But it still hurt. It hurt more than anything else. Like a sunburn after a long day at the beach.

“A-ah! (Y/n)! I didn’t know you were coming over!” Yamaguchi laughed out awkwardly, finally pulling up his pants. Of course he wasn’t hurting like you. He was in a relationship. You wanted him to be happy. Its what he deserved after making you feel so happy, so cared about for so many years.

So, what else could you do other than you force a smile onto your face. You could wallow in your own emotions another time.

“Yeah! I just needed to um.. grab something! I didn’t know you were in here.” You said, fumbling with your words a bit, “But I see you’re busy! I’ll head out!” You quickly closed the door, leaning against the wall right next to it. You needed a moment to compose yourself before your walk back to your dorm. You didn’t want to burst out into tears in the middle of the campus for everyone to see.

“Who was that?”

“Oh, she’s just my friend from high school!”

“Just a friend? Why did she have a key to your place then? I know I locked the door.”

“Ah, you don’t have to be so worried about her, she’s like my little sister. Sometimes she needs my help with things.”

You wished you just left. Wished you just ran straight home. Wished the walls weren’t as thin as they were. Wished they weren’t standing so close to the door. Anything you could have wished on in that moment you did. Just a high school friend. Just a little sister. Not even one of his best friends. The words made you feel sick. Who cares if anyone saw you crying, you just needed to get out of there. You held a hand over your mouth as you practically ran home, afraid you might actually throw up if you didn’t.

Oh, how the summer stung.

---

You hadn’t left your dorm in days; you really shouldn’t have been as upset as you were. You didn’t have any right to. The most you ever did with poor Tadashi was hold his hand- even that wasn’t in any sort of romantic manor. But still, there you were. Heartbroken. It was only natural really, you knew he didn’t owe you anything, you knew you weren’t in a relationship. He could do whatever he wanted! But that didn’t stop it from hurting. You didn’t think it would ever really stop hurting.

It was on the fifth day that you decided you needed to do something. Something to forget. Go out to a party, get drunk, fuck some random guy. It didn’t matter. Maybe you just wanted to continue the destructive streak you already had going. Why not fuck around and loose your virginity? None of it mattered anyway. Not when the man you had loved since your first year in high school never even thought about loving you back.

Unrequited love was a bitch.

You decided that you needed to get over yourself, get over this pity party you were throwing. Maybe if you went out tonight you could get over him. Maybe then the summer bee sting would finally go away.

You didn’t have many clothes for going out, it wasn’t something you were really into. So, you tried your best to put together an outfit to make yourself feel appealing. Did your hair to make yourself feel pretty. Put on some makeup to feel a tad bit more confident. Even if your skills weren’t that great, it didn’t matter. You felt prettier then you had the whole week. That is what mattered. You didn’t really think guys cared how you dressed anyway, only what was underneath, so it didn’t really matter.

When you finally left the dorm and arrived at one of the various parties going on, the moon was high in the sky. The confidence you had walking to the building had all but vanished when you finally manouvered inside. The music was loud, people were sweaty, the place was a mess. But that didn’t matter right? All that mattered was getting over your spring, some other girls Yamaguchi Tadashi.

After all, one thing that stays the same is the seasons changing.

You made your way over to the kitchen to grab a drink. You never really liked the idea of drinking, the smell making you feel sick, but you needed to let loose. That’s what alcohol was for anyway, wasn’t it? That what all the teen movies you watched as you cried into your pillow told you. It was really childish of you, but you had never gone through heart break before. Maybe you were just a late bloomer. Maybe this was the moment that would make you mature. As you took your first sip, your nose scrunched up, but you kept downing it.

Eventually you made your way to the dance floor, the alcohol taking a firm hold on your system as you finally let loose. You relaxed as you swayed to the music and laughed easily. Your consciousness was still there, you were still clear enough to make decisions. A certain wall had just otherwise broken down.

A guy came up behind you and began grinding against your ass as you danced. You giggled and turned around to face him. He wasn’t unattractive, far from it. If you were going to do this now would be the time to.

“Hey.” You smiled at him. He smiled back.

Little did you know, the source of one of your problems was also there that night, also there trying to drink away his feelings. He was so stupid. Tsukishima knew very well he was. All this time and he never realized his liked you more than just his idiot best friend. And now that he did know, he knew he had no chance with you. Every emotion he didn’t understand surrounding you from all those years came rushing at him tenfold. He didn’t like the dog because he was jealous, he didn’t like the confession letters because he didn’t like the idea other men could have you.

He loved you smile, he didn’t think you looked stupid, he thought you looked adorable. The stuffed animals that he once made fun of you having were now the cutest thing. The reason your food was so good was because you made it, not just because you were a good cook. He was pretty sure you could feed him garbage and he would love it all because you were the one who gave it to him.

He knew why he didn’t like talking about Tadashi with you- it was because he wished he was Tadashi. He wanted to be the one you loved and cared about. But now he knew that that would never happen, all because you loved someone other then him.

He had been avoiding both you and Yamaguchi since all of those realizations. He tried quick fucks to make up for the feelings you left him with, but nothing helped. He was there again that night to try to do the same thing. To look for an easy pussy to stick his dick into as an attempt to get over you. It was better that he did, for all three of you.

That was when he saw you on the dance floor, with some other man’s filthy hands all over you. Hands that should be his. At first he honestly didn’t really believe it was you, he just thought it was whatever drink he was having that night making him delusional. You wouldn’t be at a party like this. You couldn’t be. But when he inched closer and closer, he realized it had to be you. You were standing there in the skimpiest skirt he thought he had ever seen and thigh-highs, with some guy biting disgusting marks into your neck.

When the man whispered something in your ear, you blushed. Tsuki’s face was red for other reasons. He saw the guy take your small hand into his own and start to lead you up the stairs. Wait, no. He couldn’t let that happen. He shouldn’t let that happen. You should be with him. He listened to the thoughts in his head and rushed over to you, pulling you against his chest. The other man stepped back in an offended manor.

“Huh? What are you doing here?” You mumbled out, a pout forming on your lips, your cheeks pushed out just the way he liked. It was so cute. He loved it so much. But right now was not the time to get caught up in his own feelings.

“It doesn’t matter. What are you doing?” He said in a stern manor, glaring down at you dangerously. You giggled and stood on your tippy toes to whisper in his ear. His aggressive deminior didn’t really mean anything.

“I’m gonna get fucked! I think this guy likes me!” You giggled; your cheeks dusted with rose. He scoffed in annoyance, could you really be that stupid?

“No, you’re not. You’re drunk.”

“Hush! I’m not drunk! Perfectly sane!” You smiled, while the other man stared at the two of you awkwardly.

“Hey uh… I’m sorry if this is your girl. I had no clue… Um… I’m gonna go… I don’t wanna be a part of your weird jealous fuck… I’ve been roped into that one too many times before, and it’s never a happy ending.” The stranger said, before awkwardly trotting away and grabbing himself another drink. You whined and pushed at Tsuki’s chest, sad your fuck to get over Tadashi had now walked away and seemingly had no interest.

“What did you do that for?!” You whined and squirmed around cutely like you were actually disappointed. He really hoped you weren’t.

“We’re leaving.” He murmured bluntly, picking you up and carrying you outside of the building. You squirmed the whole time, constantly berating him about putting you down and how he ruined your night. He didn’t listen though, only carried you back to his dorm, most likely waking up all of his neighbors in the process due to your voice.

Only after you finally made it inside did he put you down, dropping you on his bed. He turned his back to you, scavenging through his dresser.

“I cant believe you! And when I was this close-“ He interrupted you, handing you some of his clothes to change into, “What the fuck are these for?” You said, holding them up and shaking them slightly for dramatic effect.

He only sighed and sat down at his desk chair, “You don’t see me as one, but I am a man, (y/n).” You only looked at him confused, but he sighed again, opting to not explain himself further, “You’re staying the night. You should be comfortable.” He turned around in his chair, now facing away from you. Oddly, you missed his gold, piercing stare.

“Oh, so just cause you’re a guy you cant keep your dick in your pants?”

“That’s not what I meant you idiot.”

“That’s what it seems like. I was hoping to have that effect on someone else you know! Not you!”

“I know.”

“Then why the fuck did you take me away?!”

“You were going to regret it. Can you please just shut the fuck up?” He signed, rubbing his temples. It seemed like you were really itching to get in a fight that night. He kind of deserved it, he didn’t have any right to drag you away. What you wanted to do was your choice, he shouldn’t have any say in it. But he couldn’t just stand there and watch as you got taken from him- even if he decided that you would never like him in that way.

You scoffed and stood up, “I’m leaving.” You didn’t want to go.

“Don’t...” You didn’t expect him to say that. You expected him to laugh at you and say see if I care. Did he… care..? Maybe, you didn’t know. It didn’t matter though, as you listened to her stern, dominating voice, you sat back down on the bed, just as he wanted. You stained into his muscular back with confusion and annoyance.

“What do you want Tsukishima.” You asked, well, more so stated. And he really didn’t have an answer for you. He wanted you to fall for him instead of that green haired twig who couldn’t see the amazing thing right in front of him. For once he wanted to be in a dumb romcom where he was the guy the girl actually fell for instead of just the supportive best friend. He wanted you. He wasn’t going to say that though, opting to just change the subject entirely.

“Why were you going to do that?” He questioned, still not able to bring himself to turn around and face you.

“Do what?”

“Fuck him. It wasn’t to.. You weren’t just trying to make yourself more experienced for.. for him right?” He was having trouble finding the exact right words to say. However, when a sudden sharp laugh (a laugh that he loved) moved past your lips he whipped around quickly, watching you almost keel over in laughter.

“Him?” You laughed, “You mean Yamaguchi? Hell no! I was trying to get over that cabbage patch kid.” You calmed yourself down, while Tsuki just stared at you, now it was his turn to be confused.

He had no clue about the events that happened between you and Tadashi, so you explained, “I know, finally right? I walked in on him fucking that chick. I threw myself a pity party and now here I am, trying to get over him before you so rudely pulled- no sorry, carried my ass away.” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, you were finally trying to get over him? He knew he should’ve felt bad, your heart had been broken and he wasn’t there to help, but the only thought going through his head were thanks to whatever god there was.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, yeah, here comes all the teasing and mocking, I know the drill. You can spare me from it.”

“I’m sorry that happened.”

“Haha yeah the jokes all on me- what?” You were bamboozled! You had never heard him say those words before, even when he made you cry from mocking you about your creepy pasta phase in high school.

“That sucks, I know you really liked him.”

“I… Yeah.. Yeah it does suck.” You pulled your legs up to your chest, not really knowing how to react in this situation. He had never been this emotionally open with you, never really showed you any form of empathy. You kind of wanted to cry, let your emotions out now that you finally had someone to actually listen to you. All he did was nod, trying not to pay any mind to your pink panties that had now been exposed due to your new position.

“Get changed okay?” He said gently. It was a tone you weren’t used to hearing from him just yet. You nodded your head before he turned back around in his chair. You took that as a sign to get started, pulling off your top and exchanging it for his bigger, comfier volleyball jersey he had handed to you earlier. The sweats he gave you to wear were huge as well, but they were really your only option. You didn’t want to go back to your dorm anymore, it was much too hot there. Summer emotions were strong and evident. But Tsuki’s room, it was cool like fall.

Oh, how you were soon going to love fall.

When you finished changing, you perched yourself back on his bed, nestled into the corner with all the pillows. His bed was comfortable, maybe you wouldn’t mind this sleepover.

“You can look now, I finished.” When he turned around, he should’ve known what to expect. However, he was not anticipating the effect you had on him. If he thought you looked amazing in that skirt, you looked even better in his clothes.

He wouldn’t say anything about it though, you didn’t need that right now.

You fiddled with the bottom of your shirt; things normally weren’t this awkward between you. But then again, you two hadn’t talked for the last couple of weeks, and the last time you did you were begging him to teach you how to kiss.

“So,” You decided to try to make some form of conversation at least, “Why were you out tonight?” You smiled slightly at him as he took his glasses off, “You normally just like to say home and study.”

Same reason you were. “The rest of the team went to it; I just went for them” You nodded in understanding.

“You can come over here, you know? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I wont bite unless threatened.” You smiled, patting the spot next to you in bed.

He hesitated for a moment before you sweetened the deal, “I’ll watch your lame volleyball games with you.” At that he stood up and slid next to you in bed. You couldn’t help but cuddle up to him, resting your head gently against his shoulder, waiting for a nudge off of him that never came. He pulled his phone out and pulled up a game for the two of you to watch. This was nice, this was peaceful. It was like autumn. Your autumn.

After awhile of listening to him talk about the game, you fell asleep nuzzled up to his neck.

—-

In the following months you and Tsuki grew closer- a lot closer, much to his delight. Those late-night talks came back and eventually morphed into sleepovers. Sleepovers where you always found yourself cuddled up to him by morning. Eventually, he even starting initiating affection in his own, albeit rough way. It was relaxing, he was so nice. Well, not literally. He still made fun of you, which resulted in you making fun of him back.

But on those nights where he would be softer and open up to you, it would make you so happy.

Eventually, after seeing you and Tsuki walk around on campus, Yamaguchi realized the friendship he had been neglecting with the two of you. He started hanging out more and more, but the shift in your trio’s dynamic was obvious. You and Tsukishima seemed a lot closer then you two had before, which Tadashi only saw as a good thing. He was happy his friends were finally closer! He smiled at the thought of you three remaining friends even after college.

He was still clueless about people’s emotions towards him, always had been, always will be.

So, your friendship with the boys was back in full bloom. You were excited about it, finally realizing how relaxing it could be to spend time with your friends without stupid emotions in the way.

That was until emotions did, in fact, start to get in the way again.

They always did.

Yamaguchi’s girlfriend broke up with him, and of course, who did he come running to other then you? You let him cry into your arms. You had to. You wanted to make your best friend feel better, but that “making him feel better” did not include him kissing you, at least on your end it didn’t. To him though, it did.

In the middle of his shaking and crying he looked up to you with his red puffy doe eyes. Before you knew it his lips were on yours. You weren’t expecting it, you didn’t know what to do. The moment you had been waiting your whole life for had just presented itself, and all you could think about was Tsukishima and how he kissed you, how he made you feel so good with nothing but his tongue.

You pulled away and stood up, apologizing quickly, and leaving your dorm. Yamaguchi sat there confused as well. Why did he kiss you? He didn’t have the slightest clue either. He was probably just so upset, maybe looking for a rebound. You shouldn’t be his rebound though. He was probably just confused. That’s what the both of you told yourselves anyway. He couldn’t have actually realized his feelings for you in that moment. Tsukishima would’ve told you he didn’t deserve to.

When you arrived at the door, you were hot again. Summer was back and you didn’t know why. But, Tsukishima could cool you down, he always managed to. When he opened the door and saw your distraught figure, he did nothing but open his arms. When you were upset you always seemed to want to be held. He didn’t get it, but making fun of you in that moment wouldn’t help.

You lunged into his arms and held him tight, burring your face in his shirt in an instant. He slowly picked you up, closed the door, and maneuvered over to his bed to sit the two of you down on it. You needed a friend right now.

“Wanna tell me what happened?” You stilled for a moment, taking a long hesitant breath before speaking. You wanted to try to remain as calm as possible.

“Y-Yams he.. his girlfriend broke up with him… He kissed me…” Tsukishima tensed up at this and started to rub circles into your back.

“Oh, he did? Dream come then?” You were gonna leave him again weren’t you?

You only shook your head, “I-I….I don’t think so…” you managed to squeak out, “I don’t know what I’m feeling… I just know I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Tsuki looked at you confused before sighing, now wasn’t the time to have a talk about your potential feelings for him. You just needed to rest.

“Emotions are shitty aren’t they?” He sighed out, you nodded and relaxed against him. Hopefully, you wouldn’t leave him for his idiot best friend. Not this time.

“T-Tsuki… I know I’m being really selfish right now but… I want you to make the pain go away.. I-I don’t think anyone else can do it..” You looked up at him with your eyes watering. It felt wrong to kiss Yamaguchi, like you were enacting a sin that god forbit you from. It felt dirty and wrong.

“What do you want me to do?” He sighed, pushing a strand of hair out of your face. It was sad how easily he gave into you.

“I-I don’t know.. I just feel dirty.. I feel wrong..” You said, bottom lip quivering slightly. He was honestly amazed at this. How could he make you feel like this? Why did kissing Yamaguchi make you feel dirty? Why did you think he could cleanse you? He shouldn’t act. He really shouldn’t. But your lips, they were so soft and inexperienced he kissed you.. would they be the same as last time? Would you be so quick to make a sound? He wanted to know, and he wanted to make you feel better.

So, he leaned down and kissed you. You didn’t pull away, didn’t scream in disgust. Rather, it seemed to be exactly what you wanted. A soft mewl of approval you let out shot straight through him. You learned into his touch, finally starting to cool down. This is exactly what you wanted, exactly what you needed. You need Tsukishima. It finally dawned on you that that’s why you were so repulsed by Yamaguchi kissing you, it was because you didn’t want anyone other then Tsukishima to be doing that kind of thing to you.

Once the kiss finally broke, a string of saliva connected your mouths. You were panting, your head dizzy from the overwhelming emotions. Tsukishima’s eyes just stared down at you, lust clouding his vision as his breathes labored slightly. He wanted to take things further, but he refused to let himself do that just yet. He had already indulged himself too much, but you looked so happy.

“Th-thank you..” You finally breathed out, “I-I.. thank you..” you mumbled, collapsing against the blonde’s chest. The effect he had on you was unbelievable, but it filled you with such pure and utter satisfaction.

He smiled down at you, a real genuine smile, “Get some sleep.” He told you, and you listened.

The following morning wasn’t as awkward as you thought it would be. When you woke up, he just held you against his chest. After a long talk that was much too sappy for Tsukishima’s liking, you two eventually decided to give dating a shot.

It scared you a little, you had to admit. You were nervous about your inexperience, most guys your age wouldn’t like that kind of thing right? But he reassured you, adding in a line making fun of you, calling you a baby to lighten the mood. He was happy. So happy. You both were.

This was right, it felt right.

As summer melted away into autumn, you found a new love, a new hope.

Maybe a new start wasn’t spring. Maybe a new start was Autumn after all.

Your fall, your Tsukishima. <3

Thank you all for reading!! Part 2 will be up at some point!! Have a lovely day <3

—masterlists

—rules/ requests

[groggythoughts]

The Opensource OS Buffet

This post is a summary of my journey to find a replacement OS to Windows on my new computer.

Technically the computer is just contemporary 2022 by any account, it's not bleeding edge nor antiquated. It's no speed demon nor slouch I think: -> Intel N6000 + UHD Graphics -> 8GB RAM + 256GB SSD -> 1080p OLED touch screen -> WiFi + BT -> Front + rear cameras Nothing that any modern OS couldn't handle.. right?

I do have a little list of what to look for in the OS that is going to run this computer: -> light on RAM, CPU, SSD -> sprightly touch friendly UI -> easy-ish configuration -> supports the hardware i.e. CPU, GPU, WiFi, BT, etc. -> pi-hole + unbound to make the internet pleasant-er -> runs Google Chrome & Brave browsers Not terribly demanding by any measure.. right??

So off to DistroWatch.com to check out what's on offer in the world of Opensource OS!

>>> Long story short, I spent weeks experimenting ... >>>

Never have I thought that I would cycle through so many OS to find so few that works with my hardware.

I've cycled through MX Linux / Debian / Manjaro / Slax / Slitaz / PopOS / EndeavourOS / FreeBSD / NomadBSD with no success.

For a time I felt that Manjaro was going to be the OS to be. It supported most of the hardware sans the cameras, ran all of the apps I need .. but pi-hole + unbound somehow always didn't end well. pi-hole would work and unbound too, albeit not in tandem, I just couldn't get them to play together, that's probably my fault for not knowing to configure each that well. It was also rather heavy on RAM at almost 4GB which probably is GNOME's fault. Yes I used GNOME, only because it has better touch screen support than the other Window Mangers and Desktop Environments.

Manjaro GNOME has its quirks, sometimes, something glitches and the UI craps out on me, but generally it works well, is sprightly, but it sips quite a bit of battery juice when in Sleep mode., and Hibernating is almost akin to rebooting which doesn't bode well for just picking up the computer to do a quick search or read or watch something.

The Debians and BSDs were wrote off shortly after their first boot. The problem was they couldn't detect the OLED display. I couldn't control brightness, set resolution or adjust color at all, which Manjaro somewhat managing with exception color adjustment.

Alas poor Slitaz .. honestly, I was hoping that it would be the one that works, but it didn't even manage to boot. I was quite dismayed.

So that is why I almost resigned to using Manjaro seeing that it was the only Linux that actually-mostly-worked on this computer, but .. there was one more OS I wanted to try on this computer, it came on my radar only because it can now run Linux apps, so just maybe, it could fare slightly better than Manjaro..

-> ChromeOS Flex

Back in the day, I'm already aware about Neverware and what they were doing to bring ChromeOS to the average Intel / AMD x86 / x86-64 computers. When they were bought over by Google, their product, CloudReady, became ChromeOS Flex. Now that it is Google-fied, tehre is a whole lot of convenience in keeping my browsing preferences in sync across different computers.

With Google incorporating Linux containers in ChromeOS Flex, this was one avenue I was keen to explore to satisfy my desire for OS-wide ad blocking & DNS identity privacy.

And I am pleased to have finally managed to tinker my way to a working installation of pi-hole with unbound in ChromeOS Flex. It's a little klunky, having to start the Linux VM on every boot for pi-hole+unbund to work, but it works.. for now.

[ghoulia-yelps]

Ranking all the Monster High Abbey Bominable dolls!

i was feeling bored so thought i'd rank them all !! (everything past #1 under the cut!)

1. Wave 2 

I feel like this is quite obvious, seeing as this is her basic doll, but still. I REALLY wish i had this one, i think they needed to incorporate more white into the clothes of her dolls, makes her look much more icy.

2. Ghouls Rule

I really like this line in general, lots of detailed designs, but this doll SPECIFICALLY is just so pretty imo. The snowflakes on her dress!!! I actually plan on buying her eventually on ebay.

3. Music Festival

While this one is much much more basic than the last 2, i just find her very nice. Probably one of the few colorful Abbey dolls i like.

4. I Love Fashion 

This one is so simple, but i think it really works somehow? The dress is super cute and so are her boots. And the additional outfits are really nice, I like the shirt and pants a lot.

5. Picture Day 

I actually own this doll!! so in that way i'm probably quite biased. Nevertheless, she's really well made. I was able to buy her off ebay in the box, but this was years ago, and i took her out of it.... I was so stupid back then. 

6. Dead Tired 

I love all of the dead tired line, honestly, its one of my favorites. Theyre very simple dolls... and yet they're just so cute!! They're little slippers are one of my favorite details. The tiny little ice cream too oh my god.

7. Dot Dead Gorgeous 

This one actually comes in a 3-pack set with draculaura and ghoulia, and honestly all three are very nice. Abbey in particular though looks so good! Again, i really like it when they'd put more light colors on her dolls. 

8. 13 Wishes 

Honestly, if her dress was white, she would be way higher. So well made though!! I love the curly hair and gold accents.

9.  Art Class 

While this doll is very simple, i find that it actually manages to really work. I enjoy that pink is an accent color rather than a main one, and that theres something fluffy on her outfit! (one of my favorite details about her dolls)

10. Classroom 

And this is where things start getting a bit less nice. While i think this doll is pretty, she's just missing something, not quite as complex in design as she has the potential to be. On the plus side, however, her hair is really cute!

11. Skull Shores 

I don't have much commentary for this one, other than theres a bit too much purple. She could do with another hat, but the base-doll is beautiful (as always).

12. Scaris: City of Frights 

Although she’s quite low on the list, I actually really like this doll. While Scaris isn’t exactly the most complicated line out there, I find that she makes quite a nice basic doll.

13. Skultimate Roller Maze 

Honestly, nothing against this doll... she's honestly quite nice, but, overall... very in-cohesive color wise. I mean, green...? Roller Skates cool as hell though.

14. Geek Shriek 

All I really have to say about this doll is that I basically like none of this line. the glasses are just a bit cheesy imo, and i wish the outfits were more than these simple dresses. 

15. Coffin Bean 

Cute face and hair, but so boring otherwise. Hasn’t she had these same style of shoes like 2 times already? I’m pretty sure the only cute coffin bean dolls were clawdeen and draculaura. 

16. Sweet Screams

Ugh.... I feel bad for putting such a complex doll so low on this list, but god everything about her is just too much. She’s got that same ugly over saturated color palette as the reboot dolls, despite being made in 2014. maybe i’ll change my mind, but right now all i have to say is that black, deep purple, and bright teal is not a very nice color combo when overdone.

17. Party Ghouls

As with most fans of Monster High, I’m not a huge fan of the reboot. Thankfully though, all of the reboot Abbey dolls are fully articulated! While I don’t really like this particular doll, i must give credit for giving her actual fuzzy material on that dress.

18. Welcome to Monster High

This design is not my taste. Cheesy outfit and cheap plastic fur + those huge eyes don’t make for something all that desirable.

19. 2017 Collector Doll

And finally, we reach the end. This whole outfit + accessories are so garish i don’t even know where to begin. Those eyebrows... That hair... The bright pink shoes out of nowhere. Too much to unpack, why did they do this to her </3

Well, that’s it! I doubt anyone actually read this, but it was very fun to put together, if you’re reading this right now, i hope you enjoyed reading, and i’d love to discuss if others have different opinions!! :)

[kekoma]

— kageyama as your boyfriend.

milk boy🥛is typing... hope you enjoy.

milk boy only knows how to do 2 things.

find good yogurt/milk and play volleyball.

relationships? he doesn’t know what that it is.

ahh just kidding~

anyways, dating tobio? 

it’s definitely possible but you gotta have patients.

promise his mind isn’t always focused on volleyball and becoming the best— OR about milk based products.

tobio here developed a crush on you just like any other normal boy and of course he somehow made his way into a relationship with you.

but he did go over if his emotions for you are true or if it’s one of those moments where he simply finds you attractive and you’re starting to take effect on him beforehand. (different meanings here. iykyk)

has spent countless nights with you running through his mind and days where he finds himself daydreaming about you along with the cute things he wants to do with you as well.

after countless days that turned into a few months (just 2), tobio finally found himself acknowledging that his crush for you is real and he actually wants a relationship with you.

now the confessing part could go two ways;

a) he’s bold enough to tell you straight up “i like you and i want you to be mine.” 

or.

b) there’s no second option... he knows what he wants and that’s YOU so why sugarcoat it.

jokes again~

b) he’ll come to you with a blush and confess his feelings with something along the lines like; “please go out with me. if you’re free this weekend then i would like to take you out.” (if you look at his ears, bet they’re redder than his cheeks)

bonus choice c) you confess first and he can’t help but become super flustered. most definitely accepted your confession in a heartbeat.

boom! new couple alert. (that we stan and love)

although... in the beginning, the relationship was quite odd.

nothing too extreme that you’re like “damn... sir i’m five seconds away from ascending from how awkward things are.” 

but just know it’s... weird.

he never attempted any kind of skinship or did much of anything that was consider couple like.

it’s not because he wasn’t interested or anything, he just had to go over the pros and cons of showing it with you since nothing was discussed about it.

tobio’s constant thoughts were; “would it be okay to just go for it...? what if i end up getting slapped or punched. but if i don’t go for it then would i be a bad boyfriend? what if she wants to already and i just haven’t picked up the signs...”

literally spent some days just analyzing you just in case he really did miss any hints you gave and when he’s unable to find any (if you haven’t made the first move already) the first few weeks, you two showed no true notions of dating.

although he did make up for the lack of skinship by bringing a second yogurt drink and giving it to you.

“here.”

“hm? what’s this?”

“a drink. i may have brought a second one.”

“on accident or on purpose~?”

“do you want it or not..? b-because i can easily drink it without your teasing.”

“i’ll take it. thank you for being so sweet~”

“whatever.”

proceeeds to give his cute little pout while looking away.

although after a while he brings it up and you two discuss what’s allowed and what’s not allowed.

even then, he’s still bizarre about it because he’ll randomly grab your hand and hold it strangely or say out of no where “please... hold my hand.”

could really go on and on about the awkward stage but you didn’t come here for that.

so let’s discuss the relationship currently. probably been dating for a few years now.

100% more stable with no miscommunications about anything.

all the doubt and worrying about what’s okay is no longer evident on him and he’s actually more relaxed in a way.

but do expect him to be honest with you straight up now and he would like if you do the same from as well.

since you two have been together for so long, it’s only right to be completely honest anyways, yeah?

anyways kags is extremely— let me say it again... EXTREMELY caring towards you.

it’s not noticeable off the rip since he’s still going to be a bit closed off and sometimes pretend he isn’t huge softie for you, but the way he shows that he cares is through subtle things.

like picking up what you like, dislike, what kind of people you tend to avoid and/or tolerate temporarily, funny habits you’ve developed when you were younger and etc.

occasionally he’ll go out of his way to buy you something if you mentioned it and gifts it to you one day. 

you don’t even have to say ‘i wish i could buy this’. tobio either saw the item from your screen one day or you just so happened to have asked his opinion about it (with no true intentions of buying it) and he’ll remember.

there’s never a dull moment where he isn’t being attentive you.

yet something to point out is that his true personality is there still.

it’s just more water down and only makes a true appearance when someone decides to flirt with you.

vv protective and a bit possessive too.

tobio won’t right away put whoever is hitting on you in their place if it looks like you’re confident enough to handle it on your own.

but it’s quite easy to tell when he’s a little irritated by someone trying their luck with you due to the atmosphere around him (so dark).

however, if it looks like you’re extremely uncomfortable and can’t handle the situation then he’s already making his way towards you.

he’ll wrap his arm around you before telling the person off. sometimes you gotta stop him because he won’t hesitate to make them cry.

besides that; another part of his personality that occasionally makes an appearance in the relationship would be his short-temp.

which brings us to the topic of arguments because of that temp ties in with it.

not gonna say they happen often since they don’t and he constantly works on that part of himself for you (and himself).

but when arguments do happen, then tobio will end walking away from you to chill off if he feels that things are getting pretty heated since he’s capable of saying something extremely hurtful.

honestly he can’t stay mad at you long so when he’s back to normal then best believe he’s coming back to you and saying sorry.

even if it’s not his fault, he’s still going to apologize.

might take you out to eat/buy you snacks in hopes you’ll forgive him faster.

really tries his best to not let fights occur and may even try talking them out if he’s able to.

moving along~ 

if you expected this man to be an grade A flirt... it’s not happening.

no matter how long you’ve two been together, he hasn’t gotten the flirting aspect down to a pack completely.

but does he still try? of course he does. will he ever stop? probably not even if it’s embarrassing.

the only thing you can do is just accept it and like it. A for effort.

bonus: he probably asks his teammates about advice on flirting... just don’t be surprised when he uses one of the pick up lines he learned from noya and tanaka. 

def the loyal type.

if girls finally decided to notice him and shot their shot at him then he’s quick to shut them down.

could literally offer this man all the money in the world just to stop being loyal to you and he would decline.

we stan and love loyal boyfriend tobio <3

because of you, he does better in school. although he hated the thought of studying, he actually starts to love it since you’re the one teaching him and if you incorporate rewards (like a kiss or milk candy) then he’s completely down to work harder.

plus kageyama loves it when you praise him for making high test scores.

also want to add that he’s also the kind of boyfriend who’s interested in anything you like.

since you’re apart of what he likes, volleyball (if you decide to ask him about teaching you about the spot or just showing up to his games), then he’s always down to show interest and support for the things you like.

quickly let’s get into nicknames. top ones for you are 🥁🥁🥁  dummy/my dummy, babe, my love/love and chipmunk (don’t question the last one.)

pda. pda. pda. 

everything is the same in both the public and private department. he’s down with holding hands, kissing you, cuddling and something he LOVES doing the most with you is headpats.

don’t know why but he loves doing that and he also during lunch (and at home), he loves when you two are alone so he can finally rest his head on your lap and take a short nap or just generally lay there.

could go on about public affection too but let’s briefly move to dates.

dates with tobio consist of you bike riding, going out to eat, walks in the park, picnics and just generally anything cute but also simple.

literally treats you like a goddess and as much as i would like to make a whole essay about dating him— i’ll cut it short here.

tobio = best boy & best boyfriend.

© all content belongs to kekoma 2020. do not repost, modify or translate.

[amysubmits]

Hi Amy! If I recall correctly, you and CD were a couple before you formally established yourself as a having a D/s dynamic? How long did it actually take you both to learn enough about the lifestyle, become confident in your roles, and feel “legitimate.” My partner and I are so new and it feels like our dynamic is very flimsy due to inexperience. I guess I want to know what is a normal amount of first dynamic awkwardness and what might hint at a problem (incompatibility, disinterest, etc. etc.)?

Hello!

Yes, we were together for a few years before we started intentional D/s.

Your question is a really good one and I am not sure I have a real definitive answer, unfortunately. I imagine it may vary quite a lot?

I'll share some personal experience but keep in mind this is just us and others are likely different. Also keep in mind this is like 6 years ago for us so my memory is probably imperfect.

By far the most awkward feeling thing for me was punishments. From what I recall that awkwardness at least started to fade after a few times of it happening.

Some more casual aspects of our D/s never really felt awkward to me. And then on occasion, we still have awkward moments. We had an awkward moment yesterday, oddly enough. I think awkwardness with D/s can sometimes just be a lack or confidence or clarity in what is expected, but that doesn't necessarily mean that either (or both) of you aren't comfortable with your portion of the dynamic.

But then other times I do think it feeling awkward or unnatural can be a sign that it's not right for that person. I recall reading a blog post a long time ago where someone said that after trying D/s for a long time their partner confessed that they had always felt like they were pretending to be someone else or like they were acting when trying to be dominant. I don't know that I can put a specific timeframe on it, but I do think that if one person feels like they're acting when they're doing D/s after they've been trying it for a good while then that's likely a sign that it's not right for them.

Though it may also just be a sign that the specific style of D/s isn't right, too. I think I would always feel really awkward trying to do high-protocol D/s stuff, for example. Because that just isn't my style of submission so I don't think how much experience I had at it would make it feel more natural to me.

I guess in a way it's easier for me to share signs that it IS working, rather than signs that it's not?

For me some clear signs that it is right for your partner would be:

They suggest aspects of D/s that they want to try out or incorporate in your dynamic. For example, they suggest a new form of protocol, or express that they'd like you to start asking permission for something specific, or they suggest a certain rule.

They show naturally dominant behavior. They lead or take responsibility kind of instinctually. This will be subtle behaviors that are "vanilla" in a sense...if you're new to D/s you may not be very aware of what subtle natural dominance looks like, so it could be right under your nose and you aren't really recognizing it. But basically any sort of instructing, guiding, leading. It is often forms of service or caregiving though those can be hard to detect as dominant or not as submissives are also naturally drawn to service and caregiving a lot of the time...and of course people who aren't doms or subs often do, too. I guess maybe it's about whether they perform service or caregiving with the intent of taking responsibility for others?

They reject or negotiate your ideas for your D/s. Sounds a little backwards, right? But when someone is trying to do D/s just to please the other person, they'll often just agree to everything the other person suggests. If your partner says "Nope, that rule/ritual/protocol doesn't work for me, not doing that." then that's a sign that the other aspects of D/s that they have agreed to are things they really do want to do or at least are truly comfortable with trying out.

They initiate conversations about your dynamic or D/s in general. Again, this is a sign that it's an interest of theirs, too.

You can see or feel that they have an emotional reaction to your submission. I don't mean to suggest that you should sense that they have warm fuzzies every time you ask permission for something. And in a new dynamic it may take a good bit of exploring different aspects of D/s before you find what really 'does it' for them. It can be a complex thing to make happen sometimes. But when someone really strongly feels your submission and it really does something for them emotionally...you can see it and feel it.

Something to keep in mind is that most of these would be signs that you would see eventually...not necessarily early on. I think sometimes people can be naturally dominant or naturally submissive, but they aren't aware of it so they start D/s for the other person, and then discover how powerful D/s feels for them personally. That's kinda what happened for CD and I. It took a little bit for us to figure out what aspects of D/s spoke to him most...but once we got it, it was very obvious that we had sparked something major.

Despite finding that 'spark' spot...I think we did still continue to grow more and more confident with each other and our D/s over time. In some ways Tumblr helped, seeing what D/s looks like for others and seeing similarities between ourselves and others helped me to realize that we 'fit' in the D/s world...though there are also a lot of ways that we differ from others so I guess I can also see how online communities or seeing others' D/s can hurt more than help...but I think for us at least, it mostly helped. I think we were probably a few years in when our confidence in our D/s really peaked? And that basically came from hardships, honestly. I think seeing ourselves have to adapt to managing D/s in really tough circumstances helped us to gain confidence that this is absolutely who we are because we're going to hold onto it no matter what. Exactly what it looks like may vary quite a bit depending on circumstances, but it's not something we can let go of. For me, for whatever reason, that realization was really empowering.

I also think part of it is that you just have to trust that your partner will say so if they decide that it doesn't feel good to them or they don't want to keep trying. Hopefully if they say they want to keep trying it's because they're either 'feeling it' or they're at least interested in continuing to explore to see if they find something that does make them really 'feel it'.

I hope this is somehow helpful! I feel like it's really all over the place, but I think what you're trying to determine is just a really complex thing, and one that sometimes takes quite a lot of time to truly determine.

[kareniliana]

Elijah: Bloody Introduction

A//N: Okay I’m back, I'm sorry. School is no joke this quarter. I really hope I was able to portray Elijah. Oh and I kinda wanna write some Legacies one shots too... Or I should wait a while, idk. I'll figure it out!

xx Karebear 💛🧸

Part 1, Part 2

Growing up in New Orleans was probably your favorite part about your life. The vampires, witches and werewolves are always fighting each other. And the humans have to pay the price. They attack you and get off with it. They kill your tourists for sport. You kept your head down and worked. The art and music soothe you, brings the reminder that humanity hasn’t been lost yet. This city still holds goodness and fun activities.

One night after an awful date with a man who’s working on his fourth divorce, you weren’t about to be the fifth. You walked home, a route you don’t normally take.

You were on the phone with your best friend, Camille. “He kept going on and on about how he’s ‘won’ every post break up.” You said holding back a laugh.

Cami scoffs, “What does that even mean?” You could hear her pour herself a glass of wine.

“Like how after a break up whoever is moving on the fastest wins the break up.” You explained laughing, turning the corner to an emtpy alley.

“Yeah then he marries her and the cycle starts all over again. I hate dating, I hate men.” Cami wine rambled

“You’re insane, you can’t go three days without talking to that original vampire.” You joked. You chuckled as you heard liquid pour out of the bottle, she served herself another glass of wine. Well, it could be bourbon but in you convinced yourself it was wine.

“Ha-ha, you’re so funny. I seriously need to find you someone good to date. Someone who is a gentleman, but assertive. Undoubtedly loyal, kind. Handsome and charming.” She rambled, making you smile.

“Oh yeah and where do you send in your application? Dream-Man Maker incorporated?” You snickered at your own joke. Granted you made terrible jokes but you thought you were funny. Which makes everyone think it’s kinda funny.

You could hear Cami begin to ramble on about whatever, but you didn't pay any attention as soon as you heard glass break behind you. 

You kept your pace, inching it faster and fast. Reaching into your bag grabbing your wolfsbane/ vervain/ pepper spray, knowing of this whole town’s inside secret, you had to learn how to protect yourself. You stayed out of everyones business in hopes of being out of collateral damage. So far you’ve been able to get yourself out of sticky situations. But somehow you didn’t feel too confident tonight.

“Hello? Y/n? You still there?” Cami must have realized you weren’t speaking to her anymore and got worried, her voice was raised and you could hear the chair fall over. Your fear began to make the hair in the back of your neck shoot up, instantly you stopped dead in your tracks. Feeling the odd presence of someone behind you.

You turned to look and suddenly a man shows up right in front of your face.

Vampire

He looked up at you and you could see the dark red, almost black, veins coming from his eyes in the fangs. You quickly brought out your pepper spray can and instantly sprayed his face. You turned around, sprinting to the end of the alleyway. You stop dead in your tracks when another tall male vampire jumps in front of you, scaring the living day lights out of you.

He grabbed you, drawing his head back, preparing himself to attack and feed on you. You went into full panic mode, fighting against his hold, struggling to keep going. You force your eyes to stay open, closing them would mean his face was the last thing you saw. 

Then suddenly he relaxed, you stopped struggling once you saw his face relaxing. Hearing the sound of someone ripping his heart out from his back, his body fell to your feet. You shuddered at the sight of the dead vampire, not believing your eyes. You turned around to see the first vampire fleeing the scene. He sure didn’t want to deal whoever the hell just tore his friends heart out!

“Y/n?” His soft accent calmed you enough to turn around and look at him without terror in your eyes. “I’m Elijah, Camille’s mentioned you time and time again.”

You looked at the finely dressed man, suit, tie and cuff links. You took your time to look him up and down, a handkerchief cleaning the blood that dripped from his hand. He looks sexy, suave, beautiful, and scary all at the same time. You gulped once you realized that he noticed you basically salivating over his appearance. He smirked shyly, turning his face to the side then turns to look at you again.

You smiled sheepishly, your face turning a few shades of pink. You thanked the lords it was dark and he couldn’t see. 

“I’m Y/n... But you already knew that... yup, that’s embarrassing.” Your face kept burning red, but the cool air helped.

He chuckled a little, “Oh it’s quite alright, you must be frightened. Marcellus hasn't been keeping a good job at controlling his people. I do apologize hon behalf of my associates, something I’ll have to sort out at a later date.”

He smiled genuinely at you, nodding your head. “Well, it’s nice to meet you Elijah.” You reach your hand out for him to shake. His once bloody hand reached out, taking your hand. Placing a gentle kiss on your knuckles.

“It was my pleasure, and I do apologize. This is not how I expected to make an introduction.”

With a fake English accent you said, “What a bloody introduction it was though.” You chuckled, your pun made sense but you were the only one who would have found it funny. Elijah smirked at you, he got the pun. 

After a short moment of silence, you walked closer to Elijah. “Uhm, I'm normally fine with it, but- could you possibly walk me home? I don’t walk these streets often.” You asked shyly.

He smiled at you, offering his arm for you to loop your hand through. Which you did. “How about you tell me about yourself? I would love to get to know you.”

You smiled at Elijah, Cami talks about you to the Originals. You caught the attention of the noble one.

You felt pretty special.