#(OK I SOLVED HALF OF THE KEY ISSUES)

[koushirouizumi]

Me: ... (*tries seeing if old P.C.'s issue has fixed itself yet {again, after multiple past tries}*) ME, TYPING, WHEN: . . . M E: OK, what the eff did I hit *back then* to accidentally to make it type BACKWARDS??? Me: (*looks that up*) M E: M E: I can't believe this it's typing right to left and has been doing so this wHOLE TIME for MONTHS

[thisismeracing]

Screw him | MS47 (Patreon Exclusive)

read the full piece here

― Pairing: Mechanic!mick x reader (she/her) ― Warning: +18! mentions of alcohol, food, and cheating; graphic description of sex (fingering, handjob, public sex, and choking); dom!ms47; 5k words. ― Summary: When you move to a different neighborhood and discover your hot neighbor is a mechanic, half of your problems evolving your old car are solved. Your issues with your current boyfriend aren’t though. You too need a fix, and Mick may be the perfect guy for it.

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preview

The first thing that called your attention to the next-door neighbor the second you stepped out of the car were the chords of Californication – at least it’s good music, you thought. The second thing was the black car parked in the garage with open gates. If you could guess, you would say that some kind of single rocker uncle in his sixties lived there, he probably had a bike too considering the helmets hanging in the garage, he was most likely part of a bike club, drank beer, and wore worn out jeans and a cap.

But your guess turned out to be wrong when you walked back to the car to grab your things from the truck and a blonde guy around his twenties was smoking in front of said garage. He was wearing a black hoodie contrasting with his pale skin, and when your eyes met, you felt your body flutter. He had a pair of deep blue orbs that you could tell from a distance paired with pink lips that turned upward just a tiny bit – enough to indicate that he wasn’t unpleased by your appearance or staring. Giving him a small, polite wave you got back to loading your new house with your old stuff. 

-

If you were to be honest, you didn’t mind Dave that much. The sex was mid at best, he knew how to be rude, and he had a jealousy issue, but he was familiar. Something you got used to. Something that got to you during a hard time in your life, just like Natalie Diaz once said, grief and love are alike, they can blend in a way you can’t tell which is which. 

You held him like you held to your grief. 

However, you were in a new place. Physically and mentally. That new place included kind people like Mrs. Angelina, Mick, and the twin neighbors – Amina and Aman, a new community. 

And, of course, when you called Mick late at night after being unable to reach Dave, he answered on the first ring. 

Friday night.

Past eleven.

First ring.

Instant pickup.

You were still trying to digest the whole thing when his voice sounded on the other side of the line. You have been interacting long enough to pinpoint precisely how his voice shifts, to notice the hind of worry in his tone. 

“Yn?” He tries again after your silence. “Is everything ok?”

“Y-yeah, hm… Are you busy?” you bit the inside of your cheek wanting the metallic taste to anchor you. Your mind was everywhere but where it needed to be. 

You heard shuffling around and his rock music being turned down, “Nah, I’m just working on the missus, as usual.” The missus being his black Benz EVO II. “What happened?” 

“Bluey stopped working in the middle of a shortcut I decided to take,” you spilled everything, using the nickname you got for your car when you first got it.

“Oh shoot, you should have let me look at him that first week,” he mumbled, and you heard his keys jingle. “Send me your location, I’m on my way to tow that old bastard.” 

“Please, show my Honda some respect,” you joshed and he chuckled. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you could almost see him rolling his eyes playfully. “Don’t hang up, keep talking to me so I know you’re safe.”

“I’m ok, Mick, it’s just a weird and dark road, but no signs of snakes or frogs so all good.”

“How funny, did you get extra sugar on your coffee today, sweets?” 

It was your turn to roll your eyes except you did it to prevent your smile from growing. 

“Yup, extra sugar and extra syrup. I got you a venti iced, but if you keep being this sassy I’ll drink it all before you get here.” 

“You wouldn’t.” 

“Oh, I would, Mick. I totally would.” 

He huffed, and you both giggled like a pair of teenagers before a comfortable silence was installed. 

Sure enough, five minutes later he was looking inside your Honda’s motor while you held your flashlight beside him. His hands and arms were stained with oil and car grease from working on his car earlier that day. 

-

You took a step back. Your ass found the grill of his black Mercedes, and your eyes lowered to his black Converses, suddenly finding the creases and dirt on the shoes interesting enough, until they stepped between your legs. His sturdy body claimed its space there.

Mike didn’t need to say a word – his cigarette and drink were forgotten beside you, and his free hands found your waist, pushed your body on the hood of the car, and fully stepped between your thighs. His strong waist made you open wide for him. He didn’t need to say a word, yet he did and wanted to hear you say it. 

“Will you let me give you an orgasm? Show you what that loser of a boyfriend probably never did.”

There it was his crudeness again, laced with filth. You gulped, staring into his ocean-blue eyes, and after a beat, finally, nodded.

Mike’s pink lips tipped up in a smirk, and he dipped his head so his mouth was close to your ear, “Wanna hear you say it, sweets.” 

He wanted you to be part of his dirty game. He wouldn’t do it alone. He wouldn’t take the blame. Or maybe he just rejoiced in knowing there was a part of you as filthy as he was, that craved the illicit with him. His honesty, though unsettling, draped over you like a blanket. It was warm. Maybe too warm. It would most likely burn soon, but you didn’t care. You wanted his body to be draped over yours too. Wanted the gush of air that left his mouth when he whispered against the skin of your neck. 

“Please, Mike.” 

“You gotta say it.”

“Fuck. Fuck me.”

And everything he did after felt like a fever dream.

────── ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hi! I hope you guys liked this lil sneak peek! Make sure to like and reblog if you did *mwah* and PLEASE, LET'S INDULGE IN THIS MECHANIC!MICK UNIVERSEEEE, I'M KINDA OBSESSED WITH IT dskgjsdkgdg

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[the-orion-scribe]

A critique of Northwest Mansion Mystery – how Pacifica nearly upended the show’s narrative

Note: This essay has been in the works some months before the Book of Bill release. But my opinion hasn't changed much, and highlights concerns from other GF fans.

This might be a little controversial. Don’t get me wrong, for first of all, I’m a dipcifica shipper and I like the episode very much. But every time when people ask around in the fandom (particularly on Reddit) what’s the best episode, Northwest Mansion Mystery would certainly be among the top choices. Reasons would, of course, include the darker tone and visuals, the mystery, the backstory, lore and, above all, the hints of a romance that kicked off the fandom’s most popular ship. It certainly scored very well in terms of the mystery and dark elements that are key to its popularity.

NMM certainly also fleshed out Pacifica a lot more, giving depth to what was initially a rather one-dimensional antagonist. In this episode, we are offered a glimpse of her family’s dark history and her struggle against their expectations. All of that humanized Pacifica, turning her from the stereotypical “mean girl” into a more sympathetic figure. This transformation was one of the episode’s strongest points.

But, unfortunately, as a Gravity Falls episode, it isn’t really the greatest. Truthfully I think the episode also had set false expectations of what was to come, and is rather reflective of the pro-dipcifica reddit side of the fandom and what they wanted more of the show, despite it going against some of Hirsch’s expectations and intentions.

Let me explain.

In my opinion, sometimes the fandom tends to forget what is actually core to the show. Yes, the mystery element is certainly one thing. But there’s another which doesn’t get talked about as often – the sibling bond in the show. What’s sorely lacking in this episode, and what many really overlooked, is the lack of any sibling moments between Dipper and Mabel. Ok, we still have the beginning when Mabel nudged and urged Dipper to negotiate with Pacifica three invites for the party, but after that, the twins went their separate ways.

I understand of course that Pacifica specifically requested for Dipper’s help, and Mabel might not be as attuned to the supernatural. But of all possible things the writers could have done with Mabel and co, they sidelined her to another romance subplot. Really? They could have perhaps made better use of her and her friends at the gala (some fans I've spoken to even suggested she could have joined with Wendy to uncover the ghost backstory). I can get the girls wanting to have fun, but I think it's a bit boring to fall back to some crush rivalry subplot. Especially after what happened in Sock Opera and her trying to move on from failed crushes in Society of the Blind Eye.

It’s actually a chronic issue not rather unique to this episode, I would add. In much of the first half of S2, while Dipper takes the lead in solving the mystery of the mysterious Author, Mabel takes more of the backseat and becomes goofier. This is quite a change from S1, when in episodes like Headhunters and Irrational Treasure, both twins worked together as the Mystery Twins and Mabel still considerably contributed in both cases. Into the Bunker is what I identify as the turning point where Mabel’s character and role regressed to being that goofy sister that messes things up (mostly by accident – I must add) instead of being the supplementary role to Dipper’s mystery-hunting. And that quite led to much of the fandom overlooking what actually was core to the entire series, and also fuelling a bit of the Mabel hate in the fandom. By pushing Pacifica into the spotlight and hinting at a potential romance with Dipper, the episode diverted the fandom's attention from this central theme.

The show quite elevated Pacifica’s character and her importance, to the extent that some in the fandom believed she would play more of a part in the show afterwards. This is rather implied from a few moringmark comics showing her moving in with the Pines. Understandably, this builds from the Bill tapestry at the end of that episode. However, she was never planned to be important to begin with, and she ended up playing very little part in the WMG episodes. It was largely only due to her popularity in S1 that she was given a character arc over two additional episodes. As Hirsch has discussed in past commentaries, he never even planned to develop her in the first place, since she was mainly a foil to Mabel, like how Gideon was to Dipper, but did so for the fan service.

Sometimes I feel like he cares about what fandom thinks too much. But as we've seen in other interviews, he thinks of himself as a fellow fan in the service of the fandom and not just the fandom god. Nevertheless, It’s great that Hirsch never detracted away from his vision of the show. After this episode, he returned the narrative to its original focus on the core mystery and the sibling bond between Dipper and Mabel, while drawing some parallels with the Stans twins.

This certainly left some fans feeling disappointed, as the character development and relationships they got invested in were not given the resolution or continuation they had hoped for. In many ways, this episode highlighted a conflict between fan service and narrative integrity. I would agree it’s certainly a missed opportunity to give a bigger part for Pacifica after the episode, but we already had a much shorter runway to Weirdmageddon. The remainder of the show barely juggled featuring Ford more, and so there was already no way to feature more of Pacifica or even build a romance the fandom so desired. The only nod to that tapestry in the show in the end is Preston attempting to make a deal with Bill, which, of course we know how that ended up.

In conclusion, while Northwest Mansion Mystery is undoubtedly a fan-favorite episode, it kind of stuck out as a sore thumb given it nearly disrupted the show’s delicate balance between mystery, sibling bond, and character development. This shift, though temporary, had some impact on the fandom’s expectations and the perceptions of the show’s later episodes. Nevertheless, Hirsch compensated this by featuring Pacifica more in some supplementary material in Lost Legends and as of late, The Book of Bill, to satisfy the fans.

Ultimately, Gravity Falls remained true to its core themes, but Northwest Mansion Mystery stands as a testament to the challenges of maintaining narrative cohesion while exploring new character arcs and storylines.

Check out more of my essays here! Feel free to comment and reblog!

[cowedeakamatsu]

Ahem Ahem. Welcome everyone to yet another cowede peptalk about themselves cos... lets face it i have an issue. (part 3)

So! like i said my mental health got a bit better, my libido is back motherfuckers, theorically all should be way better! Welllll my libido did came back... but a biiiiiit too strong. As in insanely too strong, and it came back with a looooot of frustration build up, and a overflowed ego that I feel like I have to flex or else i'll re-despair over self confidence and go back to being dark cowede (and big shotout once again to the "close to cowede gang" @plaindanganplain and stoopid name cos during those 2 months i was half depressed half flirty over everything, and complained cooooonstantly. and now ? i'm half flirty half a total bitch, which is probably just as hard to deal with but the thing is im the fucking best so i dont care~) and with that frustration, came frustration conscerning this whole shebang of 1 person vs multiple (harem) once again, @makoto-naegi-stud-and-friends @plaindangan and even the good @carnyreborn if they have good memory know its a thing i always tried, because while im absolutely NOT into the whole alpha thing, i have a strong kink for feeling loved, and... look X aint the only person I had to do multiple person for even though i fucking HATE IT (heck even in my first RPS (without the erotic) back in da good ol days, i found myself planning those monster hunter type / scooby doo esque quests about solving a mystery then tracking what will be a good fun creative stuff to fight (it wasnt dnd, we didnt even really had rules, just a setup universe all our character evolved in, it was on skype and factually ive never been happier) and I had to develop all those side characters and keep track of everything only for a KEY ELEMENT given to 2 other players not being disponible because while the quest was going on those 2 decided to NOT play their part and literaly go in a private room to erp instead ? and for those who say "yeah but thats what a gm does" know i wasnt a gm. I helped create the plot and all but there was no real gm just a bunch of people co writting a cool fun story half stolen on kingdom hearts character because i'm a fucking fanboy. ) and this kinda stuff happened on repeat for other a year. and when i got into erp ? a gooood chunk of them was for absolute assholes who asked the world and gave minimum effort. So anyway i kinda became allergic to doing multiple chars, i hate it, when im super horny im down for anything, but even this i have NO FUN doing at all. BUT since i did sooooo many I developed a desire to be "the center" of those harems. and i already asked all of the affordmention goats to try one erp harem style with a character of my choice (no surprise if it was very often shuichi, kokichi sometime) annnnd well none of them really worked. for carny it was a time and disponibility issue. for plain, well it did kinda work but i ended up overcomplicating things and then I felt bad for it so i sabotaged it, and with the last one well, i jumped to an episodic 1 V 1 formula, cos since the plain accident i feel easily bad for overworking people. back on our subject : X. so what happens is, im back in the game, after 2 month of not responding to our last rp i respond, i try to make my answer fit all their kink especially cos, its at that point a 1 on 1. aaaand they say afterward that they dont want to continue it. OK im in the cowede isnt depressed anymore mood, so its annoying and frustrating cause i know that in Z point in time youll guilt trip me into making another new thing that will be even mooooore focus on X's because they dont want to continue our older stuff but dont want to create a new one but dont want to not have a harem. So i decide "ill just be like "ok" and will come back later. (part final comming soon)

[omegaprotocol]

Jason Falls for Hailey Again

In Jason’s apartment, Jason, Omega and Hailey are sitting down relaxing with each other. Jason and Omega are playing a game of chess, per Omega’s request. Jason is losing horribly and has his head in his hands. Omega looks very relaxed and is just happy to be spending time with her friends. Hailey is on her phone reading emails. She sees that she has been rejected for eight more jobs. Defeated, she switches on an online form for robotics. Many of the comments are about her losing the national defense contract with the government. She reads several of the comments ridiculing her for not being able to stack up to the government's standards before she puts her phone down and lets out a heavy sigh.

“Everything ok Dr. Hailey?” Omega chimes.

“Yeah everything is fine.” she gives a small pause before continuing. “Hey Jason, I think we should go to the store and pick up something to eat, your fridge is looking kinda empty.”

“Yeah yeah whatever I just need a second.” Jason is not paying any attention, his full focus is on the chess game and how to salvage the totally lost position.

“That is ok Jason, you can go with Dr. Hailey to the store.” Omega moves one piece forward delivering a checkmate. “There. Now the game is over!” Devastated, Jason stands up and gets his keys.

“Ok, let's go.”

At the grocery store, Jason and Hailey are standing in the frozen aisle. Hailey is not really paying attention to what is going on around her and Jason is looking at frozen pizzas.

“Hey, do you like pepperoni or do you want a supreme.”

“Jason, I think my life is starting to fall apart.”

“I’m picking pepperoni.”

“I’m being serious.”

“You're a prodigy and leader in your field. You have written multiple books, made a ton of money, and have a phd. You also created a fully sentient life form so I don’t know what more you want.”

“I just… I don’t know. Things are different now that I lost the defense grant from the government.”

“What do you mean? You're like this generation's Einstein.”

“They didn’t like what I made. They asked for defense systems from an unknown threat we don’t know how to fight, and when I built defense systems they hated it. After they sent me a letter of correction I fixed all the original issues and even made Omega, a robot designed to solve complex problems and save the world, and it still wasn’t good enough. They wanted me to make a weapon that could destroy whatever they pointed it at and I couldn’t build it. So they took the grant away and when my peers found out, they started criticizing me. They all think I can’t do it.” Hailey pulls her phone out and sees she got rejected from another job. “Maybe they’re right.”

“No, they aren’t. You are easily the smartest person I’ve ever met. And fuck the government for asking for a weapon. As if they need another giant gun that they can wave around and threaten people with.” Jason looks at Hailey and sees that she genuinely feels hurt.

“But that’s the issue, I couldn’t solve it. I tried for months trying to figure out how to stop this threat and I couldn’t do it. So instead I built Omega, thinking that she would be able to figure it out.”

“No one else would’ve been able to do that. Half the people that are criticizing you would’ve just built a weapon for the money, and they would’ve made the world a worse place. Tell me this, do you genuinely think that anything anyone could have built would stop this alien thing?” Hailey leaves a long pause to fiddle with the charm on the phone even though she already knows the answer.

“No… I don’t.”

“Right. And even if anyone else had the idea for Omega, no one would actually have the know-how to build her. What you made was a true AI. One with thoughts and feelings, one with dreams and wishes, and most importantly a desire to want to save the world from something. That has literally never been done before.”

“Yeah, it’s true.”

“See? The government has no idea what it’s doing, and you do. Your colleagues have no idea what you’ve made, and you do.” Jason picks up a frozen dinner from the shelf and stops to think. He hesitates for a moment before talking again. “And I also think it’s rude of you to make me go to the store in order to have this talk away from Omega, she would agree with me and tell you how awesome you are.”

“I just don't want Omega to learn anything that isn’t helpful to her. She is going to carry the literal  weight of the world on her shoulders and I want her to reach her full potential.”

“She will, after all she’s got you as a teacher.” Hailey puts her phone back in her pocket and smiles at the complement.

“Thanks for helping me Jason, I know you didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course I did. After seeing Omega’s ‘disguise’, I knew you didn’t have what it takes to hide a super robot from the government.” Hailey chuckles to herself. A second goes by with them just walking to another aisle.

“Could we get the supreme pizza instead?”

“Not a chance, I want pepperoni and I have a job.” They both laugh at the joke and leave the store.

Back at the apartment, Jason and Hailey walk in and see Omega sitting on the couch. Omega is almost surprised that they are home already.

“Oh! Welcome home! How was your trip to the store?” Jason goes to the kitchen to unload the food and Hailey sits down on the couch and turns on the tv.

“It was fine. Were you ok by yourself?”

“Yes, I was fine.” There is a tone of sadness in Omega’s voice, Jason hears this and yells from behind the kitchen counter.

“Hey! Let's watch a movie tonight, we can let Omega pick it out.” Omega’s face lights up and she quickly grabs the remote and begins surfing through movies. Omega picks a nature documentary, and all three of them sit on the couch and watch it together. Hailey falls asleep first and rests on Jason’s shoulder. Jason smiles at how peaceful she looks before falling asleep himself. Omega stays up and finishes the whole documentary interested in every word. After realizing that Hailey and Jason have both fallen asleep, Omega slowly gets up.

“Have sweet dreams of good things.” She whispers. She walks over to the window, opens it, and sits on the fire escape watching the world below her. She enjoys looking at the beautiful city that people have built, and wonders who would ever want to destroy it.

[foundfamilynonsense]

Ok but in the Ahsoka leaves the order arc… Ahsoka was in the wrong.

Ahsoka is my favorite character but like, she was wrong. She was wrong to escape and she was wrong to run around and try to solve this by herself and the reason she did it is probably because Anakin taught her some bad lessons.

Honestly I feel like the whole fandom suffers from Main Character Bias in this arc like. If it were Barriss seen doing all that (video footage of her seemingly force choking that woman, escaping prison and running into the undercity and being found next to a shit ton of evidence) no one would blink at the order expelling her in order to be judged by the courts. The only issue people have is that she’s a main character and we like her and know she didn’t do it.

Like the only real issue I had with it is that if Ahsoka had done it she would have done it Better than this. And the council should know that. Ahsoka wouldn’t be this stupid if she had actually blown up the temple. But like. What is the council supposed to think?

Everyone’s like “they knew ahsoka they should have known she couldn’t do that” but like they also knew Barriss. They also knew Krell. They knew it had to be a jedi and they trusted every jedi. And they didn’t even find her guilty. They just said you have to face trial without us. And then when she was found innocent at the trial they welcomed her back.

Mace was kinda an ass saying it could all be looked at as some big test like :/ yikes ok. But that’s still only one line and it’s a stupid ass line so I’ve elected to ignore it.

However, I do think Ahsoka was right to leave. Not because she would do better as a “grey Jedi” (not a thing, completely fandom made). Or that the Jedi were corrupt and whatever. But because she realized she couldn’t understand what being a Jedi was during war time which is valid.

Like, she was angry at the council. I believe that anger was not justified but hey sometimes you just get angry. She was wronged, and even though it was, at least partially, due to her own actions, she’s still allowed to be angry about it. And she obviously just couldn’t figure out how to let go of it.

So what were her options? Go back to the order and pretend she’s not angry? No! That’s why Anakin fell you can’t just shove your emotions down. Or she could leave and figure herself out. Go back after the war was over and try to learn what being a Jedi actually is during peace time. She legit gave up power because her emotions were getting the better of her and I think that makes her the best example of someone who uses the light side of the force.

I think a lot of her contradictions were from having Anakin as a master. Anakin loved her, and was good to her, but he did not understanding the emotional side of being a Jedi. And therefore couldn’t quite teach it to Ahsoka.

Remember how in the Mortis arc Ashoka’s older self tells her ���you may never see your future if you remain his student” and “there are seeds of the dark side in you planted by your master” like yes exactly. Ahsoka handled this whole “being framed” thing very badly. Because she assumed this is how Anakin would have done it. She had assumed the key card had been left by Anakin. And afterwards she was obviously really, really angry. Which… she also got from Anakin. So she took her older self’s advice and she LEFT.

Like damn what a good character arc for her. Understanding her own flaws and weaknesses and realizing she needs to step away? Like that’s a Good. Thing. Hot damn.

And we see bits and pieces of how the council respects her for her decision. Obi-Wan let’s her take half the 501st to Mandalore even though there’s literally been an attack on coruscant. Yoda and Mace welcome her into a Jedi war meeting and ask her if she’s planning on rejoining. They don’t tell her everything but damn they probably wouldn’t have anyway she was just a padawan and this is kinda big shit.

I just… love Ashoka’s arc ok? I love it. The fact that she was definitely planning to go back, too? So good. And I get annoyed that people take all of Ashoka’s agency away, let her go guilt free “she did nothing wrong the council was bad owo” and therefore take a lot of the self discovery aspects out of her leaving the order. I think it hurts Ashoka’s character more than it hurts the council.

And like, I know filoni wrote this as a “the jedi council is wrong” like whenever he talks about it but fuck that. Yeah they were wrong, I guess, in the sense that Ahsoka wasn’t guilty but I feel like we’re once again blaming the council for not knowing something it was literally impossible for them to know. Like Obi-Wan says in season seven, yeah the council isn’t always right. They’re not gods. Imagine how angry people would be if they had caught Barriss in the beginning and decided to stand by her despite evidence against her? Imagine if they did that with Krell? They can’t win.

Anyway, please respect all of Ahsoka’s arc of making mistakes and learning and growing from them because it’s amazing and so is she. Leave the council alone they’ve done nothing to you. Ok thanks.

[devilyn]

is that too much to ask? | tsukishima kei

— alexa, play: love somebody by lauv

I don't wanna be the one to say

That we gotta have a conversation

I don't wanna watch the tears roll down your face

Know, I hurt you, and I, I'm sorry

All I wanted was to love somebody

— synopsis: tsukishima avoids physical affection with you as often as he can, and you wonder what it is that you’re doing wrong in your relationship.

��� genre: angst, happy endings, & the product of my writer’s block

— word count: 2.6k

You knew Tsukishima wasn’t the affectionate type--you knew that when you asked him out in your second year of high school. You knew that if you hugged him in front of his volleyball teammates, he’d stiffen and cringe away from your touch. It was natural for you to start reaching your arms out towards him before stopping yourself and resorting to a proud pat on the arm and a bright smile. It was to the point where even Hinata once commented that he’d never even see the two of you hug.

Now that the two of you were in university, and almost three years into your relationship, you started wondering what exactly it was about physical affection with you that Tsukishima hated so much. You started to experiment--slipping your hand into his when you walked back to your shared apartment together after his long volleyball practices, or tossing your arms around his neck in excitement after he wins a tough match. Each time, he’d react the same way. He would pull his hand from yours, or he’d put his hands on your shoulders and put some distance between the two of you.

At first, you believed it to be embarrassment. He didn’t like PDA--you could understand that. Even you had a limit to how much you could flaunt your relationship status in public. But even when the two of you were in the comfort of your apartment, you wondered why he never initiated any physical affection.

“Kei,” you whispered his name softly, and he looked up from his phone to meet your eyes. “Do you...not love me?”

He blinked, raising both brows in genuine surprise and slowly lowering his spoonful of cereal back into his bowl. 

“...Are you dumb?”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes and tightening your grip on your keys.

“It’s whatever,” you murmured, pulling the front door open and not bothering to spare him a glance over your shoulder. “I’ll see you.”

You left quickly to not have to deal with the aftermath of your sudden question, the door shutting firmly behind you.

Was it selfish of you to want more proof of his love for you? Sure, there were small things. Things like how he always helped you study for your exams if he could, or how he’d make you a cup of coffee before you left because he knew you struggled with staying awake during your morning classes. You knew he loved you because of these things.

But there was always a small voice in the back of your head asking if he only did those things to drag your stagnant relationship on. For a year now, it felt as if every day was the same with him. Actions were repetitive, dates were infrequent and only occurred when you asked, and at times, each day with him felt like a clone of the previous. Which is why you started wanting to hold his hand, and melt into his warm embrace.

Your fingers tightened on your tumbler, holding the contents of your boyfriend’s love--the coffee he made you this morning. 

Even at home, he would merely pet your head when you cuddled into his side on the couch. Kisses were rare unless you initiated, and he’d always tease you whenever you whined about wanting him to kiss you first. It’s not like you two never had sex either, so what was so wrong about your relationship that left you wanting more?

Your phone buzzed in your other hand, and you glanced at it briefly.

u ok?

You tucked your phone back into your pocket without replying. You never should’ve asked. Now you’ve disrupted the peace you had in your stagnant relationship.

Though, maybe it was okay to want more.

“Is it really a problem?” Kuroo sipped his drink through his straw, raising a brow in your direction. “You’ve been dating for three years. I’m more surprised that you didn’t bring this up to him earlier.”

Your fingers tapped rhythmically against the half empty tumbler, teeth gnawing anxiously at your lower lip.

“...I think I was too scared in the beginning,” you murmured.

“Mm,” your friend hummed softly in agreement. “You’ve changed. You were always affectionate before.”

You blinked, raising your gaze from the table between the two of you to meet Kuroo’s grin.

“How’d you know that? We just became friends in uni--”

“Tsukki told me,” he cut you off, and your fingers stopped tapping against your drink. “And it’s not like I don’t notice that you hug me more than you hug your boyfriend.”

“First of all, don’t say things that can be so easily misunderstood,” you tossed a crumpled up napkin at the former captain, and he quickly dodged it with a short laugh. “Second, what do you mean Kei told you? He said I used to be more--affectionate?”

This was news to you. You never thought that he would notice how you changed to make him feel more comfortable with your relationship.

It was true that towards the beginning of your relationship, you were always scared of upsetting him, so you did everything you could to change to his needs. You held back words you knew he wouldn’t want to hear, and only ever spoke up if something truly bothered you. It worked up until the end of your first year before you started opening up to him slowly. But something you could never seem to breach was Tsukishima’s habit of avoiding physical affection. 

“You know how he is,” Kuroo waved his hand dismissively, “Your boyfriend’s terrible with emotions. I tell him all the time that I’m surprised you lasted so long--”

“Don’t talk badly about him like that,” you scolded your friend with a scowl, to which he snickered quietly.

“Well, you can’t deny it, can you? He sucks, but he has his good points. That’s why you’re still dating him, right?”

It was true that you couldn’t deny it. Tsukishima had many faults, and his lack of desire for physical affection was only one of them. Still, you were just as much at fault for not communicating with him out of fear that he’d leave you.

“He’s just scared, y’know,” Kuroo rested his chin in his upturned palm. “Just like you. Even after three years, he’s not used to affection. Why don’t you just talk to him instead of sulking about it to me? I feel like I might as well be the third person in your relationship with how often you two come to me about each other.”

You were quiet for a bit, swirling the now cold coffee around as you processed the thought of confronting the issues you’ve been burying for so long.

“...he’d never date you,” you finally murmured, turning your gaze out the window.

“Ah, and you would?”

You didn’t need to look up to see Kuroo’s smug smirk.

“You wish.”

But no matter how much you didn’t want to admit it, there was some truth in Kuroo’s words. You had used him as a therapist far too many times, when your issues could easily be solved by confronting your fears and sitting down to talk with the man you lived with.

If only speaking to Tsukishima about your problems was as easy as it sounded.

By the time you finally gathered up the courage to even speak his name, your boyfriend was standing from the dinner table to grab your plates and heading towards the sink where his dishwashing responsibilities awaited him. The sight of his broad back seemed to glue your lips shut. 

You couldn’t get the words out.

“Do you hate being touched by me?” was the first thing you wanted to ask.

“Is it wrong for me to ask for you to tell me you love me sometimes?” would probably be the second, paired with, “Can you just kiss me once in a while without complaining about it?”

It all felt so childish, even before the words left your lips. So instead, you sat frozen in your chair, gazing at your boyfriend’s back that you longed to embrace.

Slowly, you stood. Before your brain could tell you how stupid of an idea this was, your feet moved forward until you were standing just a step away from Tsukishima’s much taller form.

Your arms wrapped around his waist from behind, and you could feel the way he jolted in surprise as you rested your cheek against his warm back.

“I’m washing--”

“Do you hate me?”

Silence.

Well, that question didn’t come out as expected, though it’s not like you didn’t wonder that too.

“Don’t turn around,” you pleaded quietly over the running water. To someone else, you must’ve looked like a fool, clinging onto your boyfriend like your life depended on it while he soaped up your dirty dishes.

He granted your wish, and didn’t whirl around to pull away from your touch. Instead, he continued scrubbing at your dinner plates.

“You have until I finish washing the dishes to explain yourself,” he stated calmly, and your arms tightened around his waist. It was a demand.

“I heard...from Kuroo that you said I used to be more affectionate before we started dating,” you stammered out quickly, “If you knew that, then why do you get so stiff and push me away when I try to initiate physical affection even after we’ve been dating for three years? Do you hate being touched by me so much?”

The kitchen was quiet, now that your boyfriend was drying the dishes. His hand stopped moving robotically over the wet plates, and he slowly set them down on the counter instead. You could tell he wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure how. So you continued.

“I do know that you love me, Kei,” you murmured weakly, voice muffling against his shirt as you shifted to rest your forehead against his broad back instead. “I do. I know you’re always thinking of me, and I love that about you. But when you push me away, I can’t help but think that you’re just pretending to love me for the sake of convenience.”

“If I wanted convenience, I wouldn’t date you,” he mumbled under his breath, and the words stung to the point that your arms dropped from around the middle blocker’s waist.

No longer confined by your embrace, Tsukishima spun around and grabbed your shoulders, his eyes wide with panic.

“Y/N wait--I didn’t mean it that--”

“You’re such an ass,” you averted your gaze from his, trying to blink away the tears that began to blur your vision.

“Listen--” his voice was frantic, but you didn’t let him continue. You were scared to hear what would come next if you did.

“I guess I was wrong, and the voice in my head is right,” you cut him off, voice trembling. “So I’ll just tell you everything that I held back since it’s all going to fall apart anyway.”

It took all your courage to turn your teary gaze back to his deceivingly sorrowful golden eyes.

“Is there something so disgusting about me that you don’t even want to hold me? Even after this many years?” you began, fully prepared to spill every one of your fears from the past three years. “Am I asking for too much when I ask you to kiss me every once in a while? Is it wrong for me to want you to just tell me you love me sometimes? Am I a bad person for thinking our relationship has become so boring because neither of us want to make the first step to try and change because we’re both scared of scaring each other away?”

You rubbed your arm against your eyes, trying to pretend like you weren’t sobbing into your sleeve. Though you’re sure you weren’t a very good actor, with the way you hiccuped and took shaky breaths between your questions.

“Did I make a mistake trying to change myself to fit your standards? Should I have never confessed to you back--”

Your voice was suddenly muffled into your boyfriend’s chest, and you gasped at the suddenness of his hug.

“Please don’t regret it,” he requested weakly, his voice trembling just as much as yours.

Those simple words were all it took for your sobs to come out freely, your shaky hands clawing upwards to grip onto Tsukishima’s t-shirt, clinging onto him as if he was the only thing keeping you grounded. It was a hug you’d been craving for ages--one he initiated. You hated that it took you throwing your heart at him for it to happen, but what were you to do?

He allowed you to cry as he continued.

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” he murmured into your hair. “There’s nothing wrong with what you want. I was...just scared, like you said.”

“Of what?” was what you wanted to ask. And like he read your mind, Tsukishima elaborated.

“The more I hug you, and the more kisses we share, the more I fall for you,” he whispered, as if fearful of the words he was admitting to you. “The deeper I fall, the more scared I get that you’ll leave me when you remember how bad of a boyfriend I am. I want to give you 100% of me, but at the same time, I’m too scared to do exactly that.”

Your cries were quieting down, and you took shaky breaths, inhaling his familiar scent each time. Just his embrace managed to soothe your frantic sobs.

“So I avoided anything that would make me fall too much in love with you, but it’s already too late,” he laughed bitterly, pulling back slightly so he could cup your cheeks, thumbs brushing at the wet streaks staining your skin. Your lips pursed into a small pout, and he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips. “I already love you too much to let go of you, and you know it.”

“...you’re really, really not allowed to be cute right now,” you grumbled, and he laughed.

“Yeah, I could say the same to you,” he joked, leaning forward so his lips could brush over your forehead.

“...can you kiss me now?” you murmured shyly, and his grin morphed into a weak smile before his hands tilted your jaw up towards him. His lips met yours softly, and though this wasn’t your first kiss, it was the first time you’d felt this way with Tsukishima in three years.

When he pulled away, you were crying again.

“Stop crying,” he cursed, “If someone saw you right now, they’d think I was bullying you.”

You babbled something incoherent through your tears of joy, and your boyfriend’s expression softened in a way you hadn’t witnessed in what felt like years.

“You have to take responsibility, you know,” his palms cupped your jaw, pulling your teary gaze back up to his as his thumb brushed over your lower lip. “For making me fall so deeply in love with you again.”

You laughed, tears dripping down your cheeks as you wrapped your arms around Tsukishima’s neck to pull him down into another love-filled kiss.

“Until when?” you grinned when you pulled away, his eyes closed as he sighed happily and rested his forehead against yours.

“Until I make up for the three years I put you through,” he mumbled, and you smiled softly as your lips grazed over his lightly. As you pulled back, he leaned forward and peppered kisses across your face.

“So, until forever?” you teased with a quiet giggle.

“Until forever,” he whispered, lips meeting yours once more.

[realcube]

comfort with the haikyuu!! boys hcs 💝

characters: kenma, bokuto, ushijima, tsukishima, akaashi

thanks to anon for the request (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

ALL AGED UP! (no mature themes though) (i just like the post-timeskip domestic dynamics)

tw// hurt! reader, swearing, mentions of death, fluff, angst if you squint

Kenma Kuzome

bb has cat senses so he can tell when you’re sad

he can also tell bc you do the exact same thing he does when he’s sad, which is cuddle underneath blankets in bed, play animal crossing and blare lo-fi music to conceal your faint sobs

so when he walks into your shared room and notices you wrapped up in blankets on the bed, he does his best to suppress a snicker whicH HE FEELS SO BAD FOR HAVING IN THE FIRST PLACE

like he knows you’re sad but a part of his mind is just like ‘heh, (y/n) burrito.’ like you just look sO FKN CUTE!!

anyway, the first thing he always does when you’re down is approach you on the bed, sneak under the blankets and join to you to become a (y/n) & kenma burrito 

also, he might turn the speaker off depending on how loud the music is lol but if it’s at an okay volume then he’ll just leave it on and vibe with you for a bit as he desperately wracks his brain, trying to come up with something reassuring to say 

you usually comes up with the something basic like, ‘what’s wrong?’ but i mean, you don’t really mind - at least he’s making an effort and you know it must be difficult for him to think of things to say lol

depending on how sad you are, you might just tell him straight-up what happened or you might text him bc you don’t think you’ll be able to choke out an answer without bursting into tears again

then he’ll ask you if you want to be alone and act accordingly 

assuming that you say ‘no’ bc you want his presence, he’ll just recollect on the last time you comforted him while he was down and mimic it tbh

..you always comfort him so well 🥺 and whenever you console him, he always feels so much better so he just thought that maybe if he imitates you, then it’ll work just as well

so he started off by resting his head on your shoulder and whispering kind things in your ear just like you did to him, ‘you know i love you, right?’ , ‘i hope you feel better soon’, ‘do you want me to bring you some food?’

he’ll seriously do everything in his power to make sure that you’re as comfortable as possible 

and he’ll stay as a (y/n) & kenma burrito until you feel better or until the sun rises  ( *^-^)ρ(*╯^╰)

Kōtarō Bokuto

i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again - he’s such an empath and so overdramatic

so when he comes home from work and you don’t run up to the door to give him hugs & kisses- he’s about to burst into tears himself

so he sulks up to your room now IMAGINE HOW SHOCKED HE IS WHEN HE WALKS IN TO SEE YOU CRYING UNDER THE BLANKETS

emo-mode engaged :(

his hair deflates as he pounces on you and wails, ‘(Y/N)! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! ARE YOU OKAY?! WHO HURT YOU?!’ (ಥ _ ಥ)

and the bitch dives on you while you are under the blanket, essentially scaring and suffocating you 

‘bokuto, get off me!’ you shrieked, wriggling out of his grip and out from under the blanket

 when he notices you had escaped the blanket with tear-stained cheeks, he felt even worse 

he threw himself into your arms, howling, ‘(Y/N)!! I AM SO SORRY!’

at this point all the blood had rushed to your head and you had kinda forgotten that you were sad for a moment or two

‘bo! you should know you’re own strength by now.’ you muttered, rubbing the underneaths off your puffy eyes

‘I KNOW!’ he wailed once more, burying his face into the crook of your neck

you sighed while rubbing his back, unable to supress a slight giggle, ‘bokuto..’ 

there was ages of silence between the two of you before he pulled away to look you in the eyes and asked, ‘(y/n), why were you crying before i got here?’

you’d explain the issue to him and he’d do everything in his power to solve it because the way he sees it, why should he try console you when he can just fix the variable that’s making you sad in the first place?

like, if you were just fired from your job, he’ll go full karen and he will call corporate to demand for your job back if you don’t stop him

or if your loved one died, he’ll become a fkn medium or study resurrection

or if you’re just stressed from exams/tests, he’ll just be like ‘why do you need to go to uni anyway?’

‘so i can get a qualification.’

‘why do you need that?’

‘so i can apply for a job.’

‘why do you need a job?’

‘so i can make money, so i don’t starve.’

‘you can have my money!’

you couldn’t help but chuckle at how much life-experience bokuto had, yet he will still so naïve; honestly, you couldn’t even tell if he was joking or not. ‘what if we break up?-”

“DON’T SAY THAT!” he gasped, instinctively tightening his grip on you

Wakatoshi Ushijima

both you and ushijima’s pride did not allow y’all to cry in front of one another 

if you ever had to cry, you’d just run to the bathroom, lock the door, turn on the tap to drown out the sound of your sobs and just let it all out

and if he ever had to cry, he’d just do it in the shower

but like- you both knew when the other one had been crying because of their puffy, damp eyes but you both mutually agreed to not mention it

i mean, up until now y’all had both been able to flourish in the relationship while dealing with emotions on your own so why bother changing?

and if anything, you both felt more comfortable crying to yourselves

 that was, until today

you had cracked under the pressure of your job - you were simply sitting at your desk in the study room, doing some work then it all just came crashing down

ushijima had just stepped out of the shower in his towel and was currently wandering around the house in search of you, to inform you that he ran out of shampoo so it would be greatly appreciated if you were to add it to the shopping list 

but when he entered the study to see you sitting there by your computer, bawling you eyes out..he froze

like he had to do a whole double-take bc he wasn’t sure if he was seeing this correctly

your face was buried in your hands so you didn’t notice him at first but then you heard him awkwardly clear his throat from the doorway and your neck immediately jerked to look at him

it was quite embarrassing for the both of you, ngl

like he was standing there half-naked, staring into your red eyes in hopes that what he saw was just a hallucination

after what felt like hours of deafening silence, ushijima broke it by muttering under his breath, ‘uh, is everything okay?’

‘everything is fine, toshi.’ you replied, forcing a bright smile onto your face as you went back to typing, ‘did you come down here to tell me somethi--’

‘i can tell that there is something wrong.’ he stated, walking towards you while using one had to hold his towel in place and draping the other over your shoulders to pull you into his chest. ‘do you want to tell me?’

you let out a long sigh, resting your cheek against his chest while still staring at the many tabs you had open on your desktop 

but ushijima quickly fixed that by taking your chin in-between his thumb and index finger, then turning your face to look up at him, 

‘work?’ he hummed his assumption

‘yeah.’ you mumbled, quite surprised at how understanding he was being

but then again, ushijima obviously knows what it feels like to be overworked and burnt out too, so he was able to provide a lot of empathy in that sense

Kei Tsukishima

ok a bit of tsukki slander but i feel like tsukishima would make it worse WEILUBRGBE

wait no well, he doesn’t make it worse but he doesn’t make it better either

like he’ll walk into the living room and see you curled up under a blanket on the couch, lightly sobbing from underneath- and he honestly doesn’t know how to act

this is the first time he’s seen you cry bc usually y’all keep your emotions to yourselves - you’re both v independent like that （￣︶￣)

anyway, mans thinks he can just tease the sadness out of you 🙄

‘awh, is my little couch goblin feeling sad?’ he said shakily, clearly intimidated by your figure lying on the couch, and you could tell he was nervous per his use of the nickname ‘couch goblin’

‘‘TSUKISHIMA, FUCK OFF!’ you barked, hastily wiping away your tears and clinging to blanket to prevent him from pulling it away, as the last thing you wanted him to see was your weary figure just so he could tease you about it 

‘bitch, i live here.’ he hissed, rubbing the back of his neck - feeling rather conflicted

on one hand, you seemed serious when you asked him to leave; plus, the last thing he wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable by staying when you’re already sad

but on the other hand, he genuinely wanted to help

he’d feel bad if he were to just leave his s/o in tears when he could’ve done something to make you feel better 

‘do you really want me to go?’ he asked and for a change, not a hint of mockery or sarcasm was found in his voice

there were several moments of silence until you mumbled from under your blanket, ‘no.’ then proceeded to lift up your arm to allow him to crawl under the blanket and join you

he did so, pulling you against his chest so you could sob lightly against his cotton shirt while being engulfed by warm darkness

‘what could’ve possibly went wrong to make the evilest blanket demon cry?’

‘evilest blanket demon’ - that was definitely a new one, and you’d be lying if you said a small snicker didn’t escape your mouth at how monotonously he was able to deliver such a unique nickname

and after years of being in a relationship with tsukki, you’ve learned to find comfort in these nicknames considering they were a big part of how he expressed love 

in his vocabulary, ‘you’re so annoying.’ is equal to ‘i love you’

so him calling you an ‘evil blanket demon’ was, in his eyes, the highest and most sincere form of flattery

you eventually tell him what happened that made you sad and he just listens 

feel free to ramble on about anything/everything that’s worried you for the last few months bc he’s all ears 

he figured that other than make you dinner and hug you, that was the best thing he could do to help bc he was far from a romantic who’s good with words 

if he tries to console you verbally it would probably come out like ‘uh, don’t cry - i understand what you’re going through, i think, but like- cry if you want. this must be tough for you, to be honest.’

so he just listens to what you have to say and occasionally inputs a lil’ ‘mhm’ or ‘yeah’

he’s probably the most patient with you so you could stay sad on the couch for the next few weeks, as long as you’re eating the meals he delivers to you and you’re staying healthy, he’ll just let you mope until you feel better tbh

Keiji Akaashi

boyfie material right here

i’m hardly an akaashi simp but he’s probably the best at comforting you while you’re sad tbh

because he’s literally been dealing with bokuto and his emo-mode for god-knows how long so he’s very good with reassuring people😌

also, i just know that this man can detect emotions so well- evEN THROUGH TEXT ISTG

he’d text you the usual ‘goodnight ❤’

and you’ll quickly wipe away your tears that were blurring your vision to reply ‘goodnight 💕’ 

then he’ll deadass text back like ‘i’m coming over. what’s wrong?’

HE JUST KNOWS!! don’t question it bc he doesn’t even have a logical answer lol

anyway, he’ll arrive and immediately begin with the reassurance before you even tell him what’s wrong 

‘you’re coping so well, (y/n).’

‘i’m so proud and i love you so much.’

‘is there anything i can do to make you feel better?’

‘would you like a hug?’

‘you’re beautiful, (y/n). i hope you know that.’

‘do you want me to get you ice-cream?’

a king- 👑

also, you weren’t embarrassed to cry in front of him either bc you had seen him cry before 

plus, y’all both established at the very beginning of the relationship that you’d both try be as honest and open with your emotions as possible

so now, you were both sitting beside each other on your bed while sharing a banana split that akaashi made (you put the sprinkles on though so you basically gave it flavour ✨)

akaashi is definitely the therapist friend to so he gives great advice 

but if you don’t want his advice and you’d prefer him to just listen, then he can do that too 

honestly, he’d do basically anything to make you feel better 🥺

[1234-angelika]

Red

an: Track two of Red (Taylor's Version). This is my first time writing for any of the avengers so, I hope I did ok. Please remember to like/reblog if you enjoy this piece. I do hope y'all enjoy.

words: 1.2 k

warnings: whirlwind romance, breakups, arguing, minor mention of alcohol, minor mention of food (ice cream)

“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street/Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”

Your relationship with the Star-Spangled man started like something from a dream. Walking down the crowded New York streets, you were balancing a coffee, your phone and keys in one hand and your portfolio in the other. A balancing act like no other but not anything out of the ordinary. In the hustle and bustle of the morning commute, someone shoulder-checked you from behind, sending you stumbling into Steve Rogers himself. Upon collision, even though he grabbed your arms to steady you before you could fall, your coffee spilled all over his shirt—staining the once snow-white t-shirt with a big brown splotch. He introduced himself to while you sputtered apologies, trying to hide your embarrassment. Steve just laughed it off and invited you to coffee—to get to know you and replace the beverage you lost. Again, you apologized, saying you were running late for your meeting and gave him your business card, telling him to call you before walking away.

Ever since that first date, your relationship had been nothing short of affectionate. Behind closed doors, of course, his 50s ideals were still so deeply ingrained in him. And you were okay with that; he was a perfect gentleman. The relationship had started off a little faster than most—there was a lot less dancing around each other and awkward interactions. But it was a whirlwind, and as a result, you fell for him faster than you thought possible. Any faster, and you would've had whiplash.

And when it ended, it was totally out of left field. It came out of nowhere, and there was no room for discussion. Steve showed up one night at your apartment, face stoic when you opened the door—a contrast from his usual warm smile. Before you could say anything, he did.

"We need to break up. I'm sorry."

Then he was gone. Your eyes followed his frame until it disappeared into the elevator. Once you closed the door and took a seat, the dam broke. Tears were flowing freely, and you couldn't stop them. You felt like the world had come to a screeching halt, and everything around you had just collapsed.

“Fighting with him was like/Trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer/Regretting him was like/ Wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.”

Arguments between you and Steve were few and far between. Most issues were resolved with a calm discussion. But when you fought, it was bad—Tony had even compared it to world war 3. There were a few times Tony had asked you and Steve to take it outside because you were being too loud. Even in your loudest fights, though, it was rare that anything hurtful was said; it mostly just trying to argue your points of view. The complex he had developed in his time being Captain America made it pointless to argue with him. No amount of evidence could dissuade him in a fight once he had made his mind up. It was one of the most frustrating things in your relationship.

Countless nights were spent on your couch watching comfort movies and nursing pints of Ben & Jerry's, only to be washed down with your favourite wine in a fruitless attempt to heal your heart after the breakup. And you were alone. You didn't have a support system since you had ghosted Natasha and Wanda after your breakup with Steve; you were still relatively new to New York and hadn't had the chance to put down roots.

One night, about a week and a half after your split, you were just overcome with regret. Not from being with him, because that relationship was special to you, no matter how whirlwind it was, but regret from letting him in. You held so much regret, to the point that you were angry with yourself on the fact that you allowed him to get through your walls. Through the very walls, you had built yourself to protect your very fragile heart. But he broke them all down with ease using his dazzling smile and gentlemanly personality. The way he loved you so deeply and passionately and stronger than you had ever been loved only made the pain worse.

Healing was hard. It was a tedious process that spanned over many weeks, and those weeks turned into months. One thing you had concluded was that you would never let anyone love you like that again. And you spent countless nights wishing on the stars--most of the time, they ended up being helicopters--that he never loved you the way he did, that you never found out just how strong that love could be.

“Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes/Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go/But moving on from him is impossible/When I still see it all in my head/In burning red/Loving him was red.”

Three months passed, and you had yet to move away from New York, but it was time. You needed to go, and the longer you stayed in the city, the better the idea seemed to get. Just walking through the city, you would get random flashbacks as you walked past the places you had gone with Steve. The worst was Central Park, the two of you spent the most time there. Walking along the path, you were passed by multiple joggers and a mommy group out with their kids, but when you passed the bench nestled under the massive Elm tree, you grew misty-eyed. Memories of winter's past flooded your mind.

The city had just been coated from the first snowfall of the season. For most of your life, winters were cold, but you rarely saw snow, so when you woke up, you were excited. You waited until the clock read six am before picking up your phone. It rang and rang, and on the last ring, before it reached voicemail, your boyfriend's voice filtered through the speaker.

"Good morning darling, what're you doing up so early?"

You couldn't help the excitement in your voice. "Steve look outside. It snowed! The first dusting of the year."

He chuckled at your excitement, and then the two of you made plans for the rest of the morning. He would pick you up from your apartment, and then the two of you were going to take a walk in the park. You spent a good while getting bundled up, preparing to face the cold. When he got to your apartment, you hurried downstairs, thermos in hand—excited to get into the snow and to spend time with your superhero boyfriend. You greeted him with a hug, and then he interlaced your fingers, and the two of you set on the path to the park. Together you walked around the park before you started to get a little too cold. Finally, you stumble upon an old wooden bench, snow-free and under the protection of the Elm tree. Snuggling into Steve's side, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder in an attempt to pull you closer, to keep you warm. And you spent the next little while people-watching—making up backstories and names.

As you came out of your memory, you chuckled with a watery smile and wiped away the stray tears that had fallen from your eyes. You knew it was time to let him go. You might never get an answer as to why he broke up with you, but you needed to give yourself a chance for a fresh start. To heal completely. And to be happy again, whatever that would mean.

“His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street.”

[lizwuzthere]

If you had created TFA... How would you make Sari Sumdac suffer consequences for her actions or truly learn her lesson to be somewhat more responsible with the Allspark Key?... How would you handle the cyborg girl plot-twist and her origin (I dislike her being Meg’s kid, but that’s your choice)?... Or would you get rid of the cyborg plot and upgrade all together?... Also, what limits would you give her Key or would you delete the Key plot as well? 🔑

I wouldn't have made the Key itself so powerful. A lot of Sari's issues stem from the fact that she's given this key to hang on to and keep safe (for some reason, despite being a literal child) and she can just fix all her mistakes with it, easy-peasy. If the Key were less of a fix-all device, it might have been more interesting.. like for instance, in the season 1 finale, Optimus literally dies, but it's like oh no problem. We'll be sad for half a second, but then Sari will bring him back to life! Problem solved.

Well. I guess. But narratively, that's kind of unsatisfying imo. Maybe if the Key couldn't go quite as far as that, or if using the Key had 'consequences' like Optimus wasn't quite the same or still had to recover somehow throughout....

Another interesting point about the Allspark Key, in season 1 when Sari briefly wanted to sabotage their ship so the Bots couldn't leave, they Key literally stopped her and repaired the damage she did. So I mean... the thing is kinda sentient too. So that's an interesting point. Maybe make the Key an actual character that Sari has to struggle with to get it to do what she wants.

Anyway, I don't have a specific way in mind that it could be better, I just know that it really didn't help her character.

Also, I don't mind Sari being Megatron's daughter and a cyborg, but I don't like the upgrade part. That sucked and was a little creepy. I preferred to see her as a little girl... like, ok have the Key give her a jetpack and cool robot arms or whatever, but making her appear older was a little odd and I'm not here for it.

[coffeecakecafe]

So I have a few questions about the dp x bnha crossover.

Does Danny get to the bnha universe before or after Ultimate Enemy? If it is before how does danny discover his Wail?

Did Dani exist in the dp universe before Danny left?

Does Vlad come looking for Danny? If so how badly does he get beat by all the pros who have adopted ghost child?

Does Danny spend some time being a vigilante before the pros find him or do they find him right away?

What did the door/portal look like on the bnha end?

Is the language barrier being addressed?

That was a lot of questions sorry. I am in love with this crossover.

Thank u for all of the questions I love it, send as many as you have I’m always game for it. Okay so:

1 - Danny gets to the bnha universe like, right after Ultimate Enemy. I’m fudging the UE a little bit in that the key problem changes (Danny is a little older and instead of the threat of cheating it’s the threat of dropping out of school entirely, this will loop back into the Plot later) and the identity reveal sticks with Lancer and his folks - so Danny decides to spend some time away from home in the Zone, and goes through a floating door without reeeeeally considering the consequences. So he has the Wail but he’s only used it like, twice.

2 - She doesn’t! I waffled on the timeline for a while but since it’s right after UE we don’t hit s3. There was a v v early concept I had where she just,, also went with him,, but it didn’t stick lol

3 - ok so I think Danny is p cut off from the Zone (also will be Plot relevant, in as much as I have a plot) so Vlad can’t like get to him but the mental image of him getting his ass handed to him on a platter is v nice thank you

4 - they find him right away! Danny comes through pretty injured specifically bc I personally wanted to skip any drawn out initial misunderstandings - there’s a short fight where the nearby pros try to assess the threat level of this scary glowing child, but Danny only makes it through a couple of solid moves before he passes out and they quickly realize that this is Not a villain, this is a Child.

5 - I’ve just kind of been picturing it as a literal doorway, like Danny opens it in the Zone and comes out of the front door of like, a half-built shopfront.

6 - I don’t knooooow this is my biggest conundrum. Like on the one hand, it should definitely be an issue. On the other hand I don’t have the foggiest idea how to solve it or write for a multilingual setting, so I may just gloss right by it.

7 - He does have his family and friends back home, but I’m not sure yet how he feels about trying to find a way back. I’m leaning towards him coming to terms with his relationships as they were, but being stuck here anyway with no way home. So he has to just kind of make peace with his old life and make a new start? But like I’m not settled on it. I’ve got a 3k outline and no ending I’m really struggling with specifically this haaaaaa

[raposarealm]

Exe Characters as Magia Record Units Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

(Ok disclaimer I had this draft half done and then tumblr just... lost it cause I hit the wrong key. So this is attempt two, and I might go back and change stuff later when I remember what info was lost.)

Ok I lied I’m not gonna wait to do the rest of these. 

Yesterday I posted my prompt response for day 18 of Magitober, an Inktober-style drawing challenge for Magia Record. Day 18′s prompt was ‘crossover’, so I decided to do something with Exe, because of course I did. I decided to rewrite the main Cross Fusion trio from the anime into playable magireco units, and started with Netto. Here I’m gonna put my rewrites for the other two, Enzan and Laika. Despite how they act in canon, I’m designing their units to function as a cohesive team.

(Even longer post than last time warning ahead)

First, let’s start with the egghead. I actually began working on Enzan’s rewrite first, because for some reason Blues just screams ‘blast gorilla’ to me. I dunno, but I went with it. Onto Stats!

Ijuuin Enzan (Cross Fusion Ver.)

Element: Flame

Type: Attack

Growth Pattern: Balance

Disks: ABBBC

Now, magireco is very particular about elemental alignments, in that every character must have one, even if it’s not particularly relevant to them. Null element, or ‘Void’ as it’s called in-game, is reserved to characters who have made a very specific type of wish. Obviously, none of the Fusion trio are meguca, hell, they’re not even magical girls (boys?), so that makes an issue for a character that was originally null element. Fortunately, there’s an out here. Blues doesn’t have any elemental association, but Enzan sorta does, with his name. It’s spelled “炎山” in kanji, and hey would you look at that, the first kanji is the term for ‘flame’! Problem solved!

Connect: Take My Strength

Blast Damage Up, Defense Up

Blues is tankier than Rock is, and has a shield in the games, so I think it’s ok to give Defense Up here. As for the name, Blues says a similar line in Axess 27, while forcing a Soul Unison to complete. I get that it’d be more relevant to give something that Enzan says, but I can’t think of anything there.

Magia: Sonic Boom

Damage a Vertical Line, Blast Damage Up (Self/ 2 turns), Chance to Stun (Enemies targeted/ 1 turn)

The stun chance is there because, realistically, an actual sonic boom would disorient someone, since it’d A) kill their hearing, and B) surprise the living daylights outta them. 

Second Magia: Cursed Blade Muramasa

Strengthened Damage a Vertical Line as HP is Lower, Blast Damage Up (Self/ 3 turns), Attack Up (Self/ 3 turns), Defense Down (Self/ 1 turn)

To my knowledge, I believe the Muramasa sword does show up in the anime; however, I don’t remember that version. I do remember the manga’s version quite well, though, since there Blues wielded the sword as his main weapon from volume 7-ish on. The manga version could be ‘activated’ to deal a crapton more damage than usual -- however, to force that power up, Blues would have to sustain damage, and quite a lot of it. I’ve emulated this here with the ‘more damage as HP lowers’ effect, which at the moment is only seen on Ren and Yukika in-game. As for the defense down, I mean, if you took that much damage, you’d be less combat-ready, yeah? Plus, the ‘give-and-take’ mechanic is always fun.

Like last time, I’ll come back to Spirit Enhancement once everyone’s kits are done. Moving on!

Last up we have the sniper. Now, I knew immediately that a magia build did not fit Laika (or Search), but neither did a blast kit. I eventually decided that emphasizing charge made sense here, since a sniper would specialize in shooting down a target in one hit, similar to how charge-blast strats work. Onto stats!

Laika (Cross Fusion Ver.)

Element: Forest

Type: Support

Growth Type: Attack/Defense

Disks: ABBCC

Our only non-gorilla unit! I’m modeling Laika’s build here off of ‘honorary Chargius’ units that are based around charge but are not charge gorillas, like Sis Momoko or Yaito’s long-lost cousin Hagumu. Search easily has the most armor of the three navis, and therefore, Laika doesn’t get to be an Attack type. (Also I needed a defensive unit to round things out.) He gets the forest element, because his clothing/amor is green and I can’t think of any other elemental reference here. 

Connect: (I can’t think of a name here oops-)

Damage Up, Guaranteed Anti-Evade, Damage after Charge Up

Yeah, I couldn’t think of a name. If you’ve got one, lemme know. 

Magia: Circle Gun

Damage 1 Enemy, Damage Up (Self/ 1 turn), Guaranteed Anti-evade (Allies/ 2 turns), Damage after Charge Up (Allies/ 1 turn)

Circle Gun was the name of Search’s attack in the games, if I remember correctly?

Second Magia: Satellite Ray*

Damage 4 Random Enemies, Damage Up (Self/ 2 turns), Guaranteed Anti-Evade (Allies/ 3 turns), Chance to Darkness (Enemies targeted/ 1 turn)

*I don’t remember if this was exactly what this attack was called, but I’m going with it unless I’m corrected.

Since this attack involved what I could only assume were lasers, I assumed that anybody not killed by it would probably be somewhat blinded by the flash anyways. I removed the Damage after Charge Up to make room for it. Since Laika’s a Support type here with only one Accele disk, he’s not gonna be using magia often, if at all. As a result, it’s not that critical that the second magia be a stronger version of the normal magia. Also I couldn’t think of anything else to use here.

Again, I’ll get to SE in a separate post, because this was a lot of writing and I don’t want to make this any longer. I’ll add the link here when that post is done.

[crazypsychonerdstuff]

Hello! Can I ask for some domestic hcs for alucard (hellsing) pls? :D

Well Hello yourself, anon! here you go! To be honest, I think only about half of these may class as "domestic" (the rest are just random "dating Alucard" H/Cs.) I guess I just got carried away again with the whole writing thing! I couldn't help it! (this is Alucard we're talking about, my brain's "off" switch refuses to work when it comes to our favorite Nosferatu!) either way, hope they're alright!! 

Almost guaranteed that you are also a member of the Hellsing organisation. If you weren't when he first met you, you almost certainly are now. 

Eventually you move into his basement quarters with him. Don't expect this to happen quickly though, he needs to find out if he really can trust you as much as he wants to be able to. It's been hundreds of years since he's loved someone, so understandably he'll be hesitant at first. Though once you have earned his trust, you are likely the only person he would trust 100%. This boy has serious trust issues, so to earn his complete trust is definitely something special! (wow... there were a lot of "trusts" in there! is that even a word any more?!)

if you're not a vampire yourself, you'd better get used to becoming nocturnal pretty quickly! 

sleeping arrangements, at first, are a little awkward. there would definitely be less problems if you were a vampire, you two would just get one coffin big enough for the two of you. Problem solved! Whereas if you were human, you guys would have to make some compromises. You two would probably end up with a coffin/bed hybrid (a little like the one Seras has). hopefully if this is the case you're not claustrophobic... 

talking of sleeping arrangements... he's clingy. Will wrap himself around you in his sleep. Note of advice: make sure (double, even triple check if necessary) that everything you need to do before bed is done, you will not, under any circumstances, be leaving his arms for a few hours. 

if you are a human, he may once or twice attempt cooking food for you, but its probably not going to turn out too great, (in his defense, it has been a few centuries since he has found it compulsory to consume anything other than blood.)... at least he tried, the thought was there!

Though he may not be the best at cooking, he does try to help out with other things sometimes, though if hes helping you clean or tidy up anything, under no circumstances are you allowed to remove the cobwebs. They are part of the decoration, his aesthetic is dark and sinister with a sprinkling of goth thrown in to the mix, the cobwebs reflect this. they must not be removed. don't push it, he will sulk... Or just act like a bratty child... as fun as it may sound in theory, it's not. Just please leave the cobwebs. Dust and dirt can go and he'd be more than willing to help you with this, but please leave the cobwebs. Did I mention that the cobwebs cannot, under any circumstances, be removed?

If you're human, for your own sake, DON'T try getting him to eat human food. It will not end well. He'll probably try making you drink blood as payback.

If you don't do gory, violent movies don't, under any circumstances, agree to a movie night with him. 

 his sense of humour is VERY dark. You'd think he'd have had enough of death, guts and violence with his everyday life as the Hellsing organisation's "Secret Weapon". but no. The darker and more violent something is, the more likely he is to end up laughing at it. 

dates with Alucard are pretty low-key to be honest. Either moonlit walks through the forest, weather permitting, or just staying in, watching movies while cuddled on the sofa together, sharing a bottle of wine. 

Ok, now don't judge me on this one maybe it's just my wishful thinking but I firmly believe that once you have gotten to this stage with Alucard, that he can be quite a softie and even a bit of a goofball at times (behind closed doors, obviously. He doesn't want the world knowing

Unless getting chased around the Hellsing mansion is your idea of fun, don't tease him. 

Be warned, he WILL steal items of your clothing just to get your attention if he's feeling ignored.

Honestly I could carry on forever, I have so many ideas! When I'm bored and looking for something to write, I might make a part 2 to this if they keep nagging at me... Might... 

[skvaderarts]

Devil May Cry OC Week Day 4!

I’m actually really excited for @dmc-oc-week day for because it gives me the opportunity to talk about Sirrus without delving into spoilers! Yay loopholes!

This contains slight spoilers, but nothing super important. Just keep that in mind. it won’t effect anything, but if you want to go in totally blind, tread carefully.

Dislikes:

Note: if your wondering why I did dislikes first, it’s because that’s just how Sirrus is lol! He’s not a downer, but he likes to think of himself as a realist, but he’s slightly closer to being a pragmatic nihilist, and that lack of optimism lingers in his day to day life because he’s naturally going to have his guard up at all times. He can’t be disappointed if his expectations are nonexistent. Big mood, Sirrus.

1. His father. As previously mentioned, Sirrus is not on good terms with his father. At all. In fact, he’s actively waiting for his father’s hubris to catch up to him along with some of the enemies he’s made along the way so that he himself doesn’t have to confront him and possible end him because he knows he has it coming, but he doesn’t have it in him to do it himself. He’s probably powerful enough, but he just doesn’t have the heart. Despite everything, he’s still got a small ounce of compassion in his heart towards his father that he can’t let go of, something that he loathes about himself. It’s pretty unhealthy.

2. People that abuse power, authority, or social standing. This is actually a large issue in his own immediate family, and that’s part of why his dislike for it is so powerful. He genuinely believes that you should positively contribute to the lives of others if you have the means to, and if nothing else, that you should not detract from them. As a result, he’s developed a dislike of a large portion of people in power because, I mean, fair enough. But his family does not escape this designation, and that’s a large part of why he does what he does. Not because he believes he has superior judgement or standing over others, but because he cannot solve a problem that he does not understand. So as a result, he has to go out into the field and learn from those his work effects. Assuming that he knows what’s best for everyone while simultaneously never having met those people is literally what he hates most about most people in positions of power, and he strives to not do the same. Being powerful doesn’t mean that your smart, and he knows that first hand. I feel like Sirrus would be into the “eat the rich” thing if it was a thing in the DMC universe. Very into it.

3. His mother. I feel like this one may come as a bit of a surprise to some of you who know more about him from the fic since he’s literally only mentioned her once, and doesn’t speak of her in any broad sense, but Sirrus isn’t on the best of terms with his mother, either. He doesn’t harbor any negativity towards them for splitting up when he was young. In fact, he considers it the best thing that either of them has probably ever done. But he has his reasons for not being on good terms with him mom. Day 6 will cover family and background, so I’ll get to go in depth on that day! For now, lets just put it under the broad but totally accurate category of “extremely toxic and codependent relationship” and go from there. Maybe I’ll make a family tree you you can see how messed up everything is! Yea, that would be fun! Would you like to see that?

4. Extreme heat and sun. In truth, while he does in fact become more powerful in bright sunlight, he still hates it. Why? Simple. It gives him migraines due to one of his existing (but not yet disclosed) abilities. And he just hates to be hot. He’s on the pale side (Ok, he almost makes V look like he has a tan.) so he gets sun burned. And because he’s used to a cooler climate, hot places drive him NUTS. I suppose you could say that “Discomfort” is a dislike of his, too.

5. Desk work. This one probably seems pretty random, but as an adjudicator, he actually has to occasionally file reports, and he ABSOLUTELY HATES EVERY SECOND OF IT. He’s good at what he does, no question there, but it’s kind of like being good at sending corporate emails when you hate the fake corporate politeness that you have to maintain, and you basically despise half of the company you work for. Why does he keep the job? Simple. Because no one can abuse the power of the position he’s in if he does it himself. And for him, that’s worth hating a large aspect of his job,

Likes:

1. V. Yup you read that right. Sirrus absolutely adores V, something that he himself is not used to. At this point, he’s not entirely sure what he feels towards him since they haven’t known one another for very long, but he does realize that he means quite a bit to him. After V saved his life in the fic, he really started to pay more attention to him. Before, they were friendly and he had to admit that he actually did find both V and Nero (and Nico, for that matter) really cute, but that was about it. And then as they started spending more time around one another, Sirrus realized that perhaps he liked being around V for a reason. He’s still working on understanding what he feels, but with everything going on in the fic, for now he’s just there to help and figure out what’s going on so that everything turns out alright. Then he can worry about everything else. But for now, he’s just working it out as he goes and trying to distract V from everything going on in the fic. He realizes that he’s got a lot going on, and he genuinely just wants him to be happy for a few damn minuets.

2. Being around equally strange people. Sirrus feels like an outcast most of the time, so as a general rule, he tries to associate with people as little as possible. That being said, the DMC crew makes him feel right at home, and the supreme otherness that he feels much of the time dissipates when he’s with them. It’s a welcome feeling to be sure.

3. Wine. Sirrus actually enjoys wine quite a bit! It’s something he likes the taste of, and due to his biological inability to drink, it’s something he can basically enjoy without consequence. That being said, his favorite wine is absolutely disgusting to basically everyone who’s ever tasted it (aside form V, much to his surprise) and that may be because of a certain added ingredient that was put into it for flavor. What can I say, he has unorthodox tastes!

4. Cooking good food. Sirrus doesn’t actually need to eat, but he does like to entertain those around him. If he likes you, he will cook for you. It’s that simple. It’s something from his own culture that’s been instilled in him; the idea of taking care of those that show kindness to you. And believe me, that doesn’t happen to him very often. He’s largely ostracized in most social interactions despite the fact that he says and does nothing to cause this. Its a key reason as to why he doesn't talk about what he is. It makes people... uncomfortable. And to add to that, he has a sort of aura to him that unnerves people. The way he tends to look at people at though he’s looking through them instead of at them doesn’t help.

5. Fine arts. Something that doesn’t come up much in the books is that Sirrus has hobbies. And a love for the fine arts. All of them. The more unorthodox, the better. Sirrus is that person who is dead inside and will stare at a piece of artwork for ridiculous amounts of time, pondering it’s meaning. Not in a pretensions way, but in a “what the hell am I doing with my life” sort of way. He’s a walking essential crisis, but he’s nothing if not self aware. But in regards to the arts, if it’s a form of expression, then he’s all for it. And he will probably ask you to teach it to him or become a financial patron to your work. He thinks that art and the people that make it are under appreciated, and the idea of art dying out genuinely scares him to death. He doesn’t think a world without art is worth living in. As an extension to this, he loves history. He considered much of it distasteful, but he recognizes it’s importance.

Bonus: Sirrus likes to send extravagant gifts. This is partially due to the fact that he has a very large sum of money and nothing to spend it on. It’s a regular occurrence that you will mention liking something in passing and then end up having it sent to your house out of nowhere. Sirrus did this to V with basically an entire house of furniture, and V is still trying to process it. But this isn’t the only time he’s going to do something like that. Not by a long shot.

Let me know if you have any questions! I love answering them :D And if you have any input, I’ve love to hear that, too!

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Destiny

Co-Created with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Chapter 1- Breaking Point

Chapter Summary: Struggling to cope following the birth of their youngest, Katie has been hiding her feelings from Steve until an incident at home causes her to blow. Later, she takes a drive to clear her head and ends up in a familiar place, where she encounters and even more familiar face…

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. Deals with the subject of Post-Partum Depression so please avoid if this triggers.

Chapter Pairings: ��Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So this little Mini-Series is coined from an idea @icanfeelastormbrewing​ sent to me a while ago. It deals with some gritty subjects and is going to be quite angsty in places. I really hope I’ve done this sensitively. Huge thanks to Storm and @southerngracela​ for being my unofficial betas here.

Please let me know what you think- comments and re-blogs muchly appreciated.

Chaos. That was the only word to describe the Rogers household at that point in time. Flossie was teething and screaming as a consequence whilst Katie was trying her best to sooth her, but to no avail. Emmy was supposed to have taken Jamie and Rori out for the day, but she’d been invited out with friend and because Katie didn’t want her to have to spend her spare time helping her out instead of doing something fun, she’d told her not to worry about it and that she’d manage. And for the most part of the morning she had.

But not now.

Katie sighed as the screaming from the Den grew louder and rolled her eyes. She turned to the only one of her kids that was quiet at that time, Harry, who was sat at the kitchen table colouring, his little tongue poking out in concentration.

“You ok for a minute baby?” Katie looked at Harry.

He nodded “Yes momma.” She looked at him, before she headed to the den to see what carnage awaited. When she walked in the door she saw Jamie stood there, the body to Rori’s Barbie doll in one hand, head in the other. Rori was screaming and stamping her feet.

“What the hell is going on?”

“HE BROKE MY ARMY BARBIE!” Rori screamed.

“Not on purpose!” Jamie said.

“YES YOU DID!” Rori continued “You PULLED it and said that…”

“Ok, ok…” Katie sighed, cutting her off. “Jamie, why did you even take it from her in the first place?” “She was hitting me with it.” “Rori is that true?” Rori looked down at the carpet, dragging her toe slightly across the light blue rug “Maybe…”

“You know, I don’t need this today.” Katie sighed “Flossie’s mouth hurts, your dad is busy with stuff at work…” “It’s a Saturday.” Rori pouted “He should be with us.” “Yes, and he said he was sorry.” Katie looked at her “But he explained to you this morning he had to help some of his students as they have exams next week. He’ll be home soon and said he would make it up to you both tomorrow…” “But I want him here now…” Rori stamped her foot and Katie felt her temper starting to snap.

“Well, too bad!” she said loudly and Rori looked at her “Sorry, but he isn’t so you’ll just have to put up with me, and I know I’m a huge disappointment compared to your father but…” she shifted Flossie in her arms who had finally stopped crying. “Now, Jamie, go put the doll on the side in the kitchen.” Jamie walked out of the room as she turned to Rori. “Daddy will probably be able to fix it when he gets home, ok?” “Ok.” She nodded.

“And In future, don’t hit your bother with it.” Katie looked at her “Because then stuff like this happens.”

Rori opened her mouth to argue but one look from Katie made her shut it again. “Now, why don’t you bring the Scrapbook and do it at the table whilst Harry colours? Let Jamie play his computer in here alone.” “Ok Momma.” Rori nodded.

Satisfied that splitting them up would at least, for the time being, solve the issue Katie waited for her to gather the various bits of craft stuff she wanted to use and she pottered into the kitchen. Jamie was stood next to Harry who was enthusiastically pointing at something on the page and talking to him animatedly. She had to give it to her eldest son, when it came to Harry and Flossie, he had the patience of a saint but Rori…well, she pissed him off and to be honest Katie could understand why. She could be a damned nightmare and when she was in one of those moods, the only person that seemed to be able to quell her bad behaviour was Steve. One annoyed look from her Daddy and she would stop dead, it normally took Katie a little longer and as for anyone else…well, they might as well just all go to hell.

Taking a look at Flossie who was now mouthing at her collar bone, she moved to the freezer, grabbed a teething ring and settled her in the little bounce chair, the 5 month old seemingly calmed for the time being.

“Mom, can I see if Seb can come over?” Jamie asked.

“No chance.” Katie shook her head “You just broke Rori’s doll, absolutely no way is your friend coming over.” “What?” Jamie blinked.

“Actions have consequences Jamie.” She shrugged.

“But it was an accident.”

“Yeah, the doll’s head just fell off in your hands did it?” she looked at him.

“No, it was…” “Did you pull it?” “Yes, but…” “So what exactly where you trying to do if not break it?”

Jamie fell silent.

“Exactly” Katie shrugged “So no, he’s not coming over. If you behave then maybe tomorrow he can come stay, you can play in the pool.” “Dad said he was taking us to Coney Island tomorrow!” Jamie whined “So Seb can’t come then!” “Oh, how hard it must be to be you.” Katie said sarcastically “Choosing the Fair or your friend…” Jamie glared at her, folding his arms. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.” “My dad always said it was a metric for potential.” She shot back, shrugging as she turned to the dishwasher which she had been halfway through unloading when Flossie had started screaming. “Guess I’ll be a great woman one day.”

With her back to Jamie she smiled gently at the memory of the words her father had once said, and Tony’s reaction. And had she been any deeper in her memories she wouldn’t have heard the little jab that Jamie made.

“God living here sucks…” “Well feel free to pack a bag and leave.” Katie said simply as she turned round to look at her son. “In fact, tell me where you wanna go and I’ll drop you off myself.”

“Maybe I will.” He shot back.

“Like I said, go ahead, I’m not stopping you.”

“Whatever Mom.” He rolled his eyes “You can’t kick me out. I’m only 10!” “I’m not kicking you out. You said you wanted to go, I’m simply not stopping you.” He arched an eyebrow, his action making him look even more ridiculously like Steve and his hands dropped to his hips. “Fine, then I’ll just go to Uncle Bucky’s.” “Ok” Katie said, closing the dishwasher. “Go pack a bag, Uncle Buck can deal with your attitude because I don’t want to anymore.” She held Jamie’s gaze, refusing to look away. Eventually her son’s eyes flickered away from her and he turned around with a groan. “God, sometimes you’re the worse mom in the world.”

It shouldn’t have annoyed her as much as it did, because God knows she’d said far worse to Tony when she was younger, and it was a stupid flippant comment, she knew that. But, coupled with everything that had gone on that morning and how much she’d been struggling in general with the kids recently, her patience which had been hanging by a thread, finally snapped. She could quite happily have slapped him right across the face but instead she took a deep breath and shook her head, glaring at him.

“You know what? I’ve really had my fill of you today James, get up to your room.”

“What?” “You heard me!” Katie’s voice rose as she pointed to the door. “Get out of my sight and up those fucking stairs now!”

Jamie blinked at her, she had never sworn at him like that before and his mouth dropped open and he swallowed.

“I’m telling dad you used bad language.” He stuttered in response and Katie gave a sarcastic laugh. “Oh, are you? Well guess what? I don’t give a shit. You can tell him about that one too!” she blazed “Now I won’t tell you again. Go to your room.” “I hate you.” Jamie seethed, and with a final glare at his mom, he wheeled round and stomped from the room. Katie heard his door slam before she leaned on the kitchen counter hanging her head, her eyes filling with tears. And then Flossie started to cry again.

“Momma?” Harry asked tentatively and she wiped her eyes and looked up, smiling.

“Yes honey?” “I no hate you.” He said softly and she gave him a little smile.

“Me neither.” Rori said softly. “Jamie was mean.” Katie shook her head as she crossed the room to pick Flossie up. “He’s just angry because I told him off, don’t worry about it. Now can you two just behave in here for a second whilst I take Flossie into the living room and try calm her down?”

“Promise Momma.” Rori said. Katie smiled softly, this was the other side to her daughter. The sweet, gentle, sassy but well behaved one that 9 times out of 10 the little girl displayed. She took Flossie with her, gently rocking her and soothing her again until her cries became little sniffles. And then she pulled her phone out of her pocket and called Steve.

***** Steve had just finished with the last small group of Students when Katie’s call came through.

“Hey honey, that was good timing.” He said gently, smiling “I’ve just this minute finished.” “Ok.” She said softly “I just wanted to check what time you’d be home.” “Oh, erm…” Steve hesitated, “Look, about that. Bucky called before and asked if I fancied meeting him and Sam for a drink before I come back for pizza like we promised the kids. Just I’ve not seen them in a few weeks really and…” “Oh.”

Steve frowned, that wasn’t like her. Normally she didn’t give a shit about stuff like that, in fact half the time she encouraged him to go out and socialise “Sweetheart if it’s a problem I can come home straight away?” “Please.” She said softly, and then to Steve’s horror she began to cry.

“Baby, what is it?” he said, grabbing his car keys and his jacket before he picked up his briefcase and strode from his office, locking the door behind him.

“I just…” she took a deep shuddering breath “The kids have been driving me crazy. Well, ok not all of them, but Flossie is teething and won’t settle, Jamie and Rori have been fighting and Jamie pulled the head off her doll…” “Hang on…” Steve frowned as he walked out of the main door to the Art Faculty and took a right towards the parking lot. “I thought Emmy was taking those two out to give you a chance to keep an eye on Floss.”

“She cancelled earlier, said she’d been invited out. I didn’t want to spoil her plans, I mean like she said, they’re not her kids to babysit…” “Woah, she said that?” Steve reached his car and unlocked it, his frown growing deeper. “She actually said those words?” “Pretty much.” Katie sighed “But she’s right, Steve. They’re our kids, my issue to look after them. Emmy has been working all week and…” “Katie, you asked her for one favour. One favour because Flossie hasn’t been well. It’s not like you ask her all the time. She shouldn’t have said that.” Steve tossed his jacket into the back of the car, shaking his head in frustration at his eldest. “Well that’s two of us saying things we shouldn’t…” Katie sniffed

“What do you mean?” he asked. “I really lost it at Jamie. I wouldn’t let him invite Seb over because of the doll and then when he threatened to leave I said I’d pack his back and drive him wherever he wanted to go and then he called me the worse mom in the world and…” Steve paused, leaning against the open door of his car taking a deep breath “He said what?”

“He hates me too, apparently.” Katie sniffed “And I know he’s lashing out and saying stupid crap because he’s angry but I lost it at him, told him to get up the fucking stairs and…Steve I really wanted to hit him.” She started to cry again and Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. He hated hearing her like this. She had been up and down since Flossie had been born but had insisted it was merely hormones and tiredness. As he stood there, the guilt washing over him at the fact he’d left her alone today in the first place, he was starting to wish he’d forced her to go to the Doctors months ago instead of accepting her insistence that she would be fine.

“Did you hit him?” he asked softly, already knowing the answer

“No, of course no!” she said back, angrily “What do you take me for?”

“I don’t take you for anything Sweetheart” he replied not rising to her anger, despite the fact he felt equally as pissed at his son’s attitude “I’m merely making the point that it doesn’t matter what you felt. The fact is you didn’t.” “But…” “Honey, stop.” He said gently “Look, I’ll be home in about half hour. I’ll deal with him then and I’ll take them all out for a walk with Stark before dinner ok? Give you a little peace.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to ruin your plans or…” “You haven’t. They’re my kids too. We’re a team, we always will be.”

She sniffed again “Ok, see you soon.” “Yeah, hey. I love you.” “Love you too.” He cut the call and got in the car, starting the engine and as soon as his Bluetooth had synched up, he instructed the voice control to call Emmy.

“Hey Pops…” “Don’t hey pops me, I have a bone to pick with you Emily Jayne Rogers.” He said sternly “Did you actually say to your ma that you weren’t helping out with Jay and Rori today because, and I quote, they’re not yours to babysit?” There was a pause “No, that’s…those weren’t my exact words.” “Well what were?” he asked, pulling the car out of the parking lot and onto the road.

Emmy sighed “I just said that I’d been invited out and seeing as I’d been working all week and they’re not actually my kids, I didn’t want-“

Steve let out a growl “For fucks sake Em…”

“Woah, hang on…” “We asked you to help us out today because Flossie’s been bad with her teeth and your mom needed a bit of time to just concentrate on her.”

There was a pause “Well why didn’t she just say that before?” “Because she’s your mom, and she won’t ever ask you to do something like that when you don’t want to, you know this.” Steve replied. “And now I’ve just had her on the phone, crying her eyes out as Jamie’s told her he hates her…” he sighed

“Sorry Dad.” Emmy said quietly “I didn’t….if I’d have realised it was that big of an issue…” “We know they’re not your kids but if we ask you to help out it’s a last resort.” Steve continued, “I’m well aware you and Queens have your own life to lead too and we don’t want to take it for-granted that you can drop everything to help out, but sometimes…well, especially with everything that happened with Flossie, your mom just needs a hand ok? She’s done enough for you over the years. She still does.”

“I know.” Emmy said. “I’m really sorry.”

“Ok. Let’s leave it there then.” He said, his tone softer “Are you home tonight or…” “Yeah, I’ll be home around 10. I’ll apologise to mom then too“ “Fine, I’ll see you later.”

After another apology from Emmy, Steve cut the call and took a deep, calming breath as he slowed to a stop at a set of lights. He was dreading what he was going to walk into when he got home. He hated being ‘Bad Cop’ but there was no way Jamie was getting away with what he said, regardless of whether or not Katie had snapped at him.

True to his word he arrived home just under 30 minutes after speaking to Katie. He let himself in, giving Stark a quick pat hello before he was accosted by a flurry of a pink t-shirt and brown hair.

“Hi daddy!” Rori grinned at him as he swept her up into a hug.

“Hey Princess.” He smiled, giving her a kiss to her cheek. He then smiled at Harry who was toddling towards him, and with his other arm he easily picked him up too. “Hey buddy.”

With a kid held by each arm, he followed Flossie’s soft cries to the living room.

“Hi sweetheart.” He said, smiling at Katie who looked at him as she gently rocked their daughter to and fro in the little rocking crib that stood by the sofa. He took a deep breath as he looked at her face. She was exhausted, he could see that. Her eyes were red from crying, she was pale but she still managed a soft smile at him.

“Listen, can you 2 go play and let me speak to momma for a few minutes? I promise I’ll come through in a little while ok?” he looked from Harry to Rori who gave a dramatic pout but one look from Steve stopped her in her tracks and she sighed.

“Ok Daddy.” “Thank you.” He smiled as he placed them both down and they headed out of the room.

“C’mere.” He said to Katie as he dropped down next to her and she leaned straight into his open arms as he pressed a soft kiss to her head. “You wanna tell me properly what happened?” So she did. She explained all about the fight between Jamie and Rori, the broken doll, her argument with Jamie afterwards. She was sobbing by the time she finished, and Steve simply sat still, his arms round her as she pressed her face into his chest.

“So you cursed at him.” Steve said, and Katie nodded “Ok, well, I’m sure he’s heard far worse from TV and Bucky and Sam for that matter.” “That’s not the point Steve.” Katie shook her head, pulling back “I lost my temper, big time. I shouldn’t have done. I could have quite happily smacked him straight across the face.” She sniffed “What kind of mother feels that?”

“Katie, what he said was downright nasty. I’m not surprised you flipped.”

“I know he was pushing the boundaries and what he had said was out of order but still, he’s a kid.” she swallowed “I should know better than to argue back with him or scream at him the way I did.” “Honey, you’ve had a really, really stressful year one way or another.” He took a deep breath and wiped her tears with his thumb “I do think though that you should see a doctor, just to talk about things.” Katie shook her head “I’m just tired Steve.” “Katie, you said this the other month when I suggested it and you’re clearly not.”

“Steve I don’t need to see anyone.”

“You trying to convince me or yourself?” he rolled his eyes.

“I just need a nap. I’m exhausted.”

“Katie…” “Just leave it Steve.” She said a little louder. “Please.” Steve took a deep breath “Fine, I’ll leave it for tonight. But this conversation is not over.”

She looked at him, her green eyes flashing angrily before she shook her head and stood up “Whatever, I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”

“Do you want me to order you any dinner?”

She shook her head “Just get what they want, I’ll eat something later.”

He watched her go before he glanced down at Flossie who was sleeping and headed through to the kitchen.

“Daddy we get eeza?” Harry looked up at him and Steve smiled, dropping his hand to the back of his head.

“Sure are.” He smiled “What kind d’ya want?”

“Ham and ineapple.” He nodded.

Steve pulled a face “Pineapple does not belong on pizza.” “Does.” Harry insisted giggling “You silly.”

“Oh am I?” Steve asked, his hands shooting down to his son’s side as he tickled him slightly, Harry giving a squeal as he squirmed away from his touch. Steve chuckled and dropped a kiss to his head as Rori watched him.

“I agree with Harry.” She said “Ham and pineapple is the best.”

“Well I’ll get you a large one and you can both share it, that ok?” Rori nodded and he smiled “Ok, Rori I need you to do me a huge favour. I need to go and speak to Jamie. Flossie is sleeping but if you hear her wake up I need you to come get me ok?”

“He broke my doll.” Rori said, frowning, “Look.” She pointed to the side and Steve looked up, taking a deep breath as his eyes fell on the beheaded toy.

“I know, and that’s what I’m going to speak to him about.” He looked back at his daughter “Now, Rori, I want you to tell me honestly, what were you doing to him to make him break it.” She looked at him, her green eyes round as she blinked and then looked down at the table “I hit him with it.”

“Why?”

“He was being annoying, he wouldn’t let me watch my programme on TV.”

“Ok, well, you shouldn’t do that.” Steve looked at her sternly. “That was naughty.”

“I know. Sorry.” She looked down again before she glanced back up. “Momma said you might be able to fix her.” “I’ll have a look.” He nodded

“If not then Jamie can buy me a new one with his allowance.” Rori shrugged.

“Erm, no he can’t.” Steve shook his head “It serves you right for hitting him with it in the first place.” “But…Daddy!” Rori exclaimed, utterly horrified.

“Aurora…” Steve looked at her, shaking his head “Don’t argue with me.” She pouted and then let out a dramatic sigh “Fine.” “Now, can you do what I asked whilst I go speak to your brother? And then once I’m done we can go to the park for bit before we order dinner.”

“Yay! Park!” Harry cheered as Rori nodded. Steve ruffled her hair before he headed up the stairs.

He knocked on Jamie’s door and then walked in, closing it behind him. Jamie glanced up at him from where he was sat on his bean bag playing on his Xbox, and one look at Steve’s face made the 10 year old avert his eyes.

“Yeah, you might as well look like that.” Steve said sternly “James, I’m so disappointed in you. Do you have any idea about how upset your mom is after you told her you hated her?”

“I didn’t mean it.” Jamie said, his voice quiet.

“I should hope not.” Steve said, sitting down on the edge of the bed “Why did you say it?”

“Because she was shouting at me and she made me angry.”

“You make us angry too sometimes.” Steve looked at him “How would you feel if we told you we hated you?”

Jamie looked down, swallowing as she shrugged a little “Sad.”

“Exactly.” Steve watched him. “Now, you know why was your mom was shouting don’t you?” “Because I was fighting with Rori and broke her doll.” Jamie said, before he took a deep breath “But she was hitting me with…”

Steve cut him off, holding his hand up “Yes, I know she was being a pain in the ass but she’s younger than you and sometimes you just need to rise above it. We’ve told you before, if she’s annoying you, you come find one of us to deal with her.” “But Flossie was crying so I didn’t want to give mom more to deal with.” Jamie sniffed and Steve saw him reach up to wipe his eyes. “I’m sorry.” “It’s not me you should be apologising to.” Steve said gently.

“I know.” Jamie looked down “I’ll go find mom.” “She’s gone for a nap so you can apologise later when we get dinner.” 

“Ok.” Jamie nodded “Do you think she will forgive me?” “Of course she will, she’s your mom. She loves you.” Steve shrugged “But that doesn’t mean what you said is ok or that it won’t hurt anymore. And if I ever hear you saying that to your mom, or anyone of us for that matter I’m gonna be really mad, you got that?” Jamie looked down, his tears falling onto his carpet. “Yes dad.”

Steve took a deep breath and then spoke again, this time his voice was a lot gentler. “You know Rori wants me to make you buy her another Doll out of your allowance.”

“I will if I need to.” Jamie shrugged and Steve smiled, reaching out to gently lay his hand on his son’s head.

“Well, I’ve told her if I can’t fix her doll then its tough luck because she shouldn’t have hit you with it” Steve said. Jamie looked up at him and gave a soft smile. “But that doesn’t mean you breaking it was acceptable.” Jamie nodded to show he understood.

“Ok, well, I’m gonna go check on your momma then we can take Stark for a walk. Get some fresh air at the park. But when we get back, you’re having dinner and going straight to bed ok? Actions…”

“…have consequences, yeah I know.” Jamie nodded.

“Ok, get your stuff and grab Stark’s leash and I’ll meet you downstairs in a minute.” “Ok Dad.”

Steve stood up and headed out of Jamie’s room, over to the landing. He quietly opened the door and as suspected Katie was curled up on the bed, the TV playing gently in the background, her eyes closed as she slept. He walked over to her, dropped a kiss to her head before he turned off the TV and headed back out of the room, closing the door behind him.

*****

When Katie woke the house was quiet and empty. It wasn’t quite 6pm yet, so she assumed Steve had taken the kids out as he had suggested before. But the quiet was as suffocating as the noise had been and she needed to escape. She headed into the hallway, grabbed the keys to her Range Rover before she hesitated, and with a smile took the ones to her Camero instead.

She drove and drove, not paying any attention to where she was going. Just letting the feel of her beloved car sooth her as she turned the steering wheel, the leather smooth in her hand, the noise of the engine reminding her of the day Tony had given it to her.

She drove and drove, and when she finally focused on her surroundings she realised she had driven herself to the old compound perimeter fence. She kept going a little further round, finding the parking lot for the Memorial Gardens before she parked and climbed out. She hadn't set foot on the Garden grounds since that day, 5 years ago almost, when the President has opened them. Once the rubble had been cleared from the grounds, the remaining area of the facility had been refurbished and she had agreed with Pepper to donate it to a Military Charity, although Katie had her suspicions that Ross had gotten his claws into it, even if she couldn't prove it. That area stood behind a huge fence but the rest of the grounds has been converted into public gardens. The lawns were well kept. Shrubs pruned, flower beds well-tended. You would hardly know that a brutal battle had taken place here. But Katie knew, she remembered it like yesterday, and her eyes could pick out that spot from here. The spot she had watched her brother succumb to the injuries he sustained from wearing the gauntlet. She didn't need the little plaque that told her where it was. She could find it in her sleep. Her eyes strayed to the right, to the path that led to the woods round the side which contained the clearing where she had spent so much time with Steve and Nat, and suddenly she craved for it. She craved the peace and sanctuary that little clearing has given her. She strode over the lawns, ignoring the curious looks she was getting from some people who were out in the gardens and slipped through the gaps in the oak trees and headed along the now overgrown track until she came to the little clearing. Smiling, she saw the initials still carved into the tree. SR KS in a heart, Steve's joke one afternoon as they'd snatched half an hour at lunch between his training drills.

“Seriously?” she snorted as Steve turned to her, grinning as he folded his pocket knife up and slipped it into his utility belt.

“This is what we did in my day doll, no graffiti…” he grinned and she shook her head, snorting.

“No, just vandalism on a poor, defenceless tree.” she laughed as his arms circled her waist, his chin dropping to her shoulder.

“Not like the tree can feel it...” He said, kissing her neck.

She gave a little snort at that memory, wondering what exactly Thor’s friend Groot would do if Steve tried to carve their initials into him... The ground was dry thanks to the summer weather so she happily dropped to the grass, her back to the trunk of the aforementioned vandalised tree and pulled her knees to her chest. She took a deep breath, allowing the silence to wash over her, to calm her. She thought about all the times she had spent here and on the compound. The good times had far outweighed the bad, in fact one of the happiest days of her life had been on the lawns out there- her wedding. What a beautiful day that had been some 15 years ago. A time before The Accords, a time before Thanos, a time before the death of her best friend and her brother had ripped a huge hole in her life. Laying her head back against the rough bark she took a deep breath and her mind flicked to the events of the day and how bad she felt about her outburst at Jamie. No one had told her motherhood would be easy. In fact, quite the opposite. But she had coped. And to be honest she thought that her and Steve had done a pretty good job so far. But Flossie had been hard work from the start. She had struggled to feed, struggled to settle at night, the only one out of her and Steve's 4 biological kids to ever fall sick for longer than a day at a time and all this coupled with the fact it had taken Katie almost 2 months to recover from her operation had left her feeling helpless.

She hadn't been able to drive to any of the paediatrician appointments, any of her follow up hospital appointments, hadn't been able to take the kids to school, sports clubs or take Flossie out anywhere to escape the house without help. Steve had stepped up, because he was that kind of man, a good one doing right by his wife and kids, but still the fact she was limited to leaving the house when Steve or someone else was there to lend a hand had been hard on her mentally. This hopeless, dark despair had festered in her chest and she felt useless because she hadn't been able to look after any of her kids alone. And then, as if by magic, the cloud had lifted. She had still been a little down on some days, but on the whole just better. She was given the all clear to exercise so threw herself back into that, losing not only the baby weight from Flossie but taking it a little further and finally ridding herself of the extra 15lb Harry had given her. She felt good, she looked good all things considered, and it showed. She felt happier at work, happier at home and far happier in the bedroom, Steve seemingly couldn't keep his hands off her...but she knew that he would have been like that regardless of what she looked like. That was one thing in her life she was confident in- that her soldier loved her no matter what.

All this meant the noise in her head had quietened to a point where she could shut it out completely, she could get on with life, concentrate on her husband and children, control her emotions...until her outburst today.

Fuck, maybe Steve was right. Maybe she did need to speak to someone. They had warned her at the hospital that she’d feel some mood swings- all part and parcel of recovery as her body went through the damned menopause, thanks to her hysterectomy, and they’d told her that support was available…but the thought needing it made her feel even worse. After everything she had faced, through her SHIELD and Avenging days, her suffering at the hands of HYDRA...she’d never once had PTSD or depression beyond a few nightmares and panic attacks. The thought that she now might need counselling of some description because she was struggling to cope with her baby and her damned emotions made her feel weak.

“What kind of mother can’t cope with her own children?” she mumbled out loud to herself. “I mean, what on Earth is the point of me even being in their lives if that’s the case?”

She fell silent again, as she wiped a tear from her cheek before she closed her eyes, remaining quiet simply listening to the birds and noises of the stream which ran through the woods to the lake…and then a voice spoke. A voice she hadn't heard for 7 years bar in her dreams. A voice she had known all her life. A voice that had comforted her, disciplined her, argued with her, encouraged her...

"I like what they did with the place. A little smaller memorial than I would have liked, but, suppose it’s the thought that counts." Her breathing grew erratic and her eyes flew open, the tears now steadily pouring from them. With a shuddering breath, Katie scrambled to her feet and looked straight into the deep brown eyes of her bother.

Her dead brother.

Her dead brother who was standing in front of her, dressed in one of his usual 3 piece Tom Fords, that typical Tony Stark smirk on his face as he glanced at her, his smile growing even wider.

“Hey Kiddo.”

[pod95]

Pairing: Finn Balor X OFC (Ciara)

Word Count: 1981

Warnings: Mature to explicit as the story goes on.

Description: After moving to the USA from England to start her career as an NXT superstar, Ciara gets to meet her long time crush, NXT champion Finn Balor. It's clear the pair have chemistry, but when tensions start to rise, will they find they want more than a no strings attached relationship?

So this is the first piece of fanfic I have written literally ever. I will be posting them here periodically, but I already have 6 chapters out on my Wattpad, AO3 and FanFiction pages.

This series will involve romance, drama and (although it will take a little while) some smutt too. Hope you enjoy it! 😊

Chapter 5: Prince Charming

I had a quick shower in my locker room before heading out to the car park, where Fergal was coolly leaning against his car. I was feeling kind of nervous. Up to now every time I'd seen Fergal it was down to pure coincidence. Now we were very intentionally going out for food together.

"Ready to go?" he smiled as I approached his car. I nodded sheepishly in response. "Good. We'll swing by your place so you can drop of your stuff and change if you want."

"That would be great, thanks!" I threw my gym bag into the trunk and climbed into the passenger seat. Fergal turned the radio on low and pulled out of the car park.

"So can you drive back in England?" he asked me.

"To be honest no, I never got my licence"

"Really? How come?" I hesitated for a moment before answering. The truth was simple: I could never afford to. But the reason why was something I wanted to run so far away from that I'd never think about it again.

"Well... I grew up in a poor area and money was tight for a lot of my life. I guess I just... Never got around to it," I lied, before lowering my head in embarrassment.

"Ya know," he piped up eventually, clearly noticing my discomfort, "I didn't learn to drive until I joined NXT. Dusty actually taught me" he admitted, with a hint of sadness.

"You must have some great memories with him"

"Oh I could tell you some stories, " he smiled at me before turning his attention back to the road.

The journey was filled with laughter as Fergal recounted his driving lessons, and soon enough we were pulling up outside my apartment.

"Right, won't be a minute"

I jumped out of the car, rushed inside and dumped my gym stuff in the washer. Knowing that this wasn't a date took a lot of the pressure off of choosing an outfit. I kept reminding myself that this was just a casual meal between work colleagues and not to overthink it. I returned to the car in a nice top and some jeans.

"So where are we going?" I asked.

"Well there's a nice sushi place near here, or we could get pizza-"

"I LOVE sushi!" I interrupted loudly before catching myself "I mean... Sushi sounds great, please"

"Sushi it is!" Fergal giggled, and pulled away from the pavement.

* * * *

As we entered the restaurant, the host greeted Fergal with a warm, familiar smile.

"Mr Devitt! Your usual seat I presume?" he asked, eyeing me before giving Finn a knowing look. It was obvious the host was not surprised to see Fergal here with a new face.

"Yes please, if it's available"

"Of course! Right this way sir. And might I say, your lady friend looks ravishing this evening" he flashed me a charming smile.

"This is Ciara, she's a new superstar. She worked her ass off today so I'm treating her," Fergal flashed that gorgeous smile again, but his quickness to correct the hosts mistake had me a little disappointed.

"Ah, my mistake sir! I assumed... No matter. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Just a soda, please"

We took our seats in a quiet corner of the restaurant.

"Same for me, thanks" I nodded.

"Right away," he nodded and left the two of us alone.

Our table was next to a large window looking out across a small stretch of beach. Not one of the many that were overpopulated with tourists, but a quiet, peaceful piece of heaven. As the sun started to set, its light was dancing across the surface of the ocean. It was a beautiful sight. I could see why this was Fergals usual table, though I couldn't help but wonder how many women he'd brought here, charming them with the view.

"So, what looks good?" Fergal opened the menu and glanced over the pages.

"Honestly, all of it..."

"I usually just get a sushi platter to share and then order some ramen or a bento box for myself."

"That sounds perfect," I closed my menu and set it down, relieved that he'd taken the lead before I said something stupid. Fergal called a waiter over to give him our order before turning his attention back to me.

"So how did you get into wrestling?"

"My mum is a huge fan, we used to watch it together. She's basically in love with Brett Hart" I giggled.

"She must be incredibly proud," he smiled. I nodded in response, trying to hold back some tears that had started to form. Noticing my sadness, his tone softened, "I know it's hard, moving away from family, friends, boyfriend..."

"Oh, I'm single so that's not an issue but... Yeah, I miss them a lot."

It could have been my hopeful imagination, but the look in his eyes seemed to shift slightly from sympathy to devilish triumph.

"Really? That's interesting..."

"How so?" I asked, playfully.

"Well..." he hesitated before leaning in slightly closer to me. He squinted his eyes in thought, as if he were trying to solve a difficult puzzle. "You're beautiful, so I doubt you're short on options. You don't have any annoying habits that I've seen, but honestly you're attractive enough that most guys won't care-"

"And what if I'm only interested in women?" I teased, enjoying watching his attempts at analysing me. He chuckled cockily and licked his bottom lip.

"Well in that case, all that flirting you did last night wouldn't make much sense would it?"

"I... Suppose not..." I mumbled, my cheeks beginning to feel hot once again.

Every interaction between Fergal and I felt like a game of Tennis, passing flirtatious remarks and enticing glances between us until one of us (usually me) was left feeling embarrassed.

"So that means, you're choosing to be single. Why is that?" he leaned back in his chair and folded his arms, satisfied with his theory.

"I'm just not looking for anything serious now. My career comes first."

"That's smart," he nodded in approval.

We were interrupted by a waiter bringing our food to the table. Everything looked and smelled amazing.

"I just got out of something semi-serious so, I'm focusing on my career too."

I popped a Maki roll into my mouth to hide my surprise. He didn't look like he was lying to me, but Saraya had mentioned last night that he was seeing someone. Maybe she was just taking a dig at him. There was a lot of hostility there after all.

Ugh... Thinking about last night was giving me flashbacks of my piss poor attempt at being alluring. I shuddered the thought out of my mind.

"You ok?"

"Yeah just, kind of embarrassed about last night," I confessed. "I don't normally flirt with complete strangers."

"I could tell, you were really bad at it. Do you always get like that when you're drunk or are ya just that attracted to me?" Fergal laughed, doing nothing to calm my already crimson face.

"I'm always like that, sorry to disappoint. But I did want to thank you for not taking advantage, and for making sure I got home safe. It was really kind of you..."

"Wow. No wonder you're single. You really need to get higher standards for men love. If not trying to sleep with you when you're drunk is your idea of kind, you're gonna be dating a lot of assholes."

I knew he was right, but considering my last relationship, honestly at this stage I'd say almost anything was an improvement.

We continued eating and laughing until finally the bill came. I reached into my bag to get my purse out.

"Woah, what are ya doing? I said this was my treat." Fergal insisted, reaching into his back pocket.

"At least let me pay for half of it"

"Absolutely not."

"You are fighting a losing battle here miss. Mr Devitt is a gentleman after all," the host chimed in, leaving me with no choice but to concede. We thanked him for the meal and said our goodbyes.

It was only when we got outside and it was pitch black I realised how long we'd been here for. Time really felt like nothing when I was spending it with Fergal. The journey home was made in a comfortable silence, both of us stuffed from dinner as I hummed along to the radio, and before I knew it we were pulling up outside of my apartment.

"Here, it's dark. I'll walk you to your door," Fergal switched off the engine and got out of the car.

"Thanks again for tonight. It was nice getting to hang out. Made me feel a little less lonely being here," I reached into my purse to grab my keys.

"No problem, I know what it's like moving to a new country. If you ever need anyone to just hang out with, let me know," he suggested.

"And next time I will definitely pay!"

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." he beamed.

In the moonlight he looked more gorgeous than I could ever imagine, and I couldn't stop my gaze from wandering. They travelled from the pale blue pools of his eyes, to that intoxicating smile, to the perfect contours of his chest, all the way down to-

"Ahem, my eyes are up here," he smiled cheekily, clearly very pleased with himself that yet again he'd caught me checking him out.

"I was just-"

"No need to be embarrassed love. I take it as a compliment. I actually find it really cute you can't keep your eyes off of me. Besides..." he took a step closer to me and placed a tender hand on my cheek, "You're not the only one who's thought about it."

"Th.. Thought about... What?" I stammered, feeling a pleasant tingling at his touch.

"Oh, you KNOW what" he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I don't..."

He pushed me gently against the wall and held me there, one hand still caressing my cheek, the other pinning my hands above my head.

"So... You haven't thought about me ripping your clothes off and throwing you onto the bed. You've not thought about how it would feel, me kissing every inch of your body," he moved his face closer to mine until our lips were mere inches apart. His eyes were staring intensely into mine, and the feeling of his breath on my skin made my heart beat faster.

"And you've never imagined how, when you can't take any more, I'd make you feel more pleasure than you've ever felt before."

I ran my tongue along my bottom lip in anticipation. Anticipation for a kiss that never came. A let out a small whine as he pulled his face away and released me from his hold. Hearing this he smirked.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," he sighed, looking very frustrated with himself. "Look, you're sweet... But I don't do sweet. Okay? I do broken and desperate and fucked up. It's just easier that way. Good girls always think they can fix me, and then treat me like I'm the bad guy when they get their heart broken in the process. If you know what's good for ya, you won't cross that line. I'm not your Prince Charming, love."

He walked back to his car, leaving me alone at my doorstep, confused and disappointed as he drove off into the night. I shut the front door behind me and threw myself onto the sofa in frustration. Damn, having him that close to me, talking about the things he was had gotten me all worked up. I needed to get that out of my system before the next time I saw him, otherwise I might just have to show him how wrong he was to call me a good girl.