#(MM) SKYPE EMOTE

[nitewrighter]

prompt request: weve seen cindy interact with the prince, with the queen and even had a few scenes of her and brad talking, but besides the lobby scene and the narration scene of wedding planning we havent actually seen the king and cindy interact. id love a fic of these two talking and getting to know one another!

You know, I was working on a fic for the Fairy Godmother but for some reason this one came to me much faster!

Also if you’re interested in my whole Cinderella re-telling you can find the masterpost here! I’ll probably be uploading the king and queen ficlets on there as well, soon.

Anyway CW for animal death and blood. 

--- 

So it had been about a year and a half since the stepmother passed. And like, Cindy liked to think she was pretty settled in at the palace--hell, scratch that, she really worked out a flow of things. It's kind of one of those situations where like, you're comfortable, but it's also like, "This is great. I'm going to get a good grade in Princess Consort." But this was about the time when like, just when you're getting used to something, someone throws you a curveball.

Now, because they didn't have zoom or skype or tv or anything back then, sometimes it was necessary for a ruler to make a tour--partially to connect with local and foreign leaders to maintain control and diplomacy, and partially make themselves known to the public like "Hi, hello, you have a government." So anyway, that's how Cindy, found herself sitting sidesaddle on horseback in some craggy forested mountains, repeatedly feeling at the one hunting dagger the queen’s kinsmen had given her belted to her hip, hearing hounds bay in the distance, and feeling completely out of her depth even with her Emotional Support Travel Rat.

"You're sure we don't have to kill anything?" she glanced over at the king next to her.

"Mm?" the king was looking at a particularly impressive woodpecker through a pair of binoculars.

"I said, 'You're sure we don't have to kill anything?'" said Cindy.

“No, Highness,” Brad spoke up from his own destrier next to her and Cindy eased up a little, though Brad seemed as tensed as ever. There had been a very long, drawn-out argument over whether Brad would go along with the Queen and Prince or stay behind with the King and Cindy, each side insisting the other needed his protection more, until one of the Queen’s old kinsman swung an arm around the prince and loudly proclaimed he would look after the heir of his most beloved general. It was clear now that, given the quietness of Cindy and the King’s own situation, that Brad thought he really really should be on the hunt with the Queen and Prince, but there wasn’t much he could do about it now, since he didn’t know where the hunting party was.

The king lowered his binoculars to look at Cindy. "I used to think I had to--you know, 'Manly King' and all that, but it turns out the nobility around here mostly use these trips for day-drinking and letting the hounds run themselves out," he looked through his binoculars again, only to find that the woodpecker had flown off. He lowered the binoculars again, "And I've been assured the whole, 'quiet contemplation of nature while extolling the healthful benefits of mountain air' is quite fashionable these days. "

"It is beautiful out here," Cindy pivoted her horse slightly to look out at the mountain vista through the trees. The air had a damp, heavy feel, that was not altogether unpleasant when contrasted with the warmth one built up from riding, “It’s strange, when the Queen spoke of her homeland... she always made it sound like--I mean---that is to say---”

“...’flaming death pit?’” The king offers her a reassuring smile, “She undersells how much good she and her allies really did here. Though... in fairness it has been a while since we’ve all been back. Much of these woods really were burned when I first came here.” He made a sound that was half huff, half chuckle before he swung off his horse, pushing his hips out and to the side to relieve the stiffness of riding so long. “There I was, carriage bumping along with all these... blackened skeletons of trees all around me, and just when I’m thinking, ‘Hm. Well this is all very concerning.’ Bam. The majority of my guard slaughtered and then I’m clubbed over the head.”

Cindy’s lips thinned and her fingers tightened on her horse’s reins, and her Emotional Support Travel Rat balled up on her shoulder.

“Your Majesty...” Brad started.

“Right, not very appropriate, is it?” the King mused before glancing back at Cindy, “I’m sorry--That’s terribly grisly subject matter for such a lovely day out.”

“N-no, it’s...fine,” Cindy stammered, “You and Her Majesty always talk about it like it’s some... great adventure... I just... wish I could be as strong.”

The king stared at her for about half a second too long then before glancing down and saying, “...we’ve gotten very good at talking about it like it was some great adventure.” He ambled down the path a few paces, not looking at her. “The sad truth is... a lot of the time--more than we think-- we don’t have control over the things that change us. All that we can control is who we want to be in the face of that. I’d wager you probably know a thing or two about that.”

Cindy smiled a wan smile. “I hope so. It’s gotten better,” she gave a glance to the rat on her shoulder and let it sniff and nuzzle at her finger, “I think I’ve gotten a much better idea of what I want to do--it seems the hardest part is convincing people I know what I want and what I’m doing... maybe convincing myself, most of all.”

“Well... when you’re king...” he went on, “You’re afforded--forced, is more like it--a certain perspective on things. You’re constantly forced to think about things on.. on this grand scale, you can’t assume the basic reasonableness of individuals--you have to think in terms of, ‘What’s the stupidest conclusion a lot of people will jump to and immediately act on’ and mad questions like that. But when you’re observing people on that kind of scale, it almost becomes like observing a landscape--you see a lot of stupid things, certainly, but you never stop being amazed by people’s capacity for healing, for resilience,” he plucked up a small wood anemone and walked back to her, “For growth. And you learn to find that in yourself.” He held the small blossom up to her. Cindy took it, smiling, and tucked it behind one ear as her Emotional Support Travel Rat gave it a few curious sniffs.

There was the bellow of a loud horn and all three of them glanced up.

“There--see?” the King glanced at Brad, “I told you they had it handled.”

In the next quarter of the hour, the queen, her kinsmen, and the prince reunited with the king, Brad, and Cindy. The queen was spattered in no small amount of blood and was carrying the body of a massive boar on her shoulders. Behind her, also spattered in blood, and looking significantly more shaken, was the prince. The queen dumped the boar’s body on the forest floor with a satisfied, “Grah!” of an exhale. 

“Ah, the mighty huntress! I was just saying to Brad--” the king started before the queen suddenly took him up in her arms, dipped him, and kissed him long and hard enough that the entire hunting party awkwardly glanced off before she brought him upright.

 “Hah!” she made that satisfied exhale noise again and gave the king a hearty, audible slap on the ass. “I needed that!” 

“R-right...” the king stammered, adjusting his glasses. 

“Oh you should have seen your son, darling!” the queen practically whirled the king up off his feet in a spiraling dervish, “He was brilliant! We got five musket balls in the beast! Two on one side and three on the other and it kept charging towards us! But then Chazz started hollering and weaving and flailing his arms about and running around in the thickets--led it on the wildest goose chase you ever saw--gave me the perfect opportunity to climb up to the tree limbs above and plunge down onto it with a spear.” She glanced back at her kinsmen, “And that’s why you always bring spears!” She ruffled the prince’s hair, which didn’t seem to snap him out of his daze, “My clever boy!”

Cindy rushed to the prince in a heartbeat, taking him up in her arms, and he was deliriously and aimlessly spouting out the words, “Yes. Planned. Definitely planned that. All part of the plan.” Cindy kissed him on the cheek, smearing some blood on her own face in the process but apparently unaffected about it despite her previous nervousness. He blinked a few times and stared at her a couple seconds. “What happened--?” she kissed him on the jaw this time. “Am I not dead?”

“No, it would seem you did very well,” Cindy smiled, taking a kerchief out of one of her dress pockets and dabbing at his face slightly with it.

“Oh,” he said dumbly and then after a long beat he said, “I would very much like a bath.”

And so the hunting party strapped the felled boar to the back of the queen’s horse and departed from the woods for the lodge of the Queen’s kinsmen.

“Princess,” Brad spoke up from his horse.

“Mm?” Cindy glanced at him.

“You’ve got a little--” Brad gestured at his mouth and chin. 

“Oh!” Cindy wiped away boar’s blood from her face with her kerchief, “Thank you, Captain.”

A long pause passed between them. Brad glanced back at the prince, who was staring blankly into the middle distance from his horse before looking back at Cindy.

“The blood doesn’t frighten you?” Brad said at last.

“Not really,” Cindy shrugged, “My stepfamily couldn’t stand the butcher in our village, so they usually made me get any meat from him. His wife made some wonderful black pudding.” 

“It’s just, earlier you seemed very concerned about killing---”

“Oh, well I know where meat comes from. I just imagine hunting is very time-sensitive, and I would hate if everyone were hunting, and then suddenly it was up to me, but then at the worst possible moment I would--” she mimicked herself stiffening up in her saddle with a stunned look on her face, “And I would let everyone down. You know?” 

“I... think so...?” Brad said slowly. 

Cindy leaned a little closer to Brad in her saddle and lowered her voice slightly, “You don’t think it would be too presumptuous to ask to be in the kitchens when they’re prepping it, do you? I’ve been wanting to see how they season things here since we first arrived” she suddenly perked up, “Oh! Do you think they’ll let me use the sausage grinder?” 

“I’m sure we can ask, highness,” said Brad, somehow feeling just as worn out by this conversation as if he had actually been on the hunt.

[nnegan13]

thank u paige @air-bison-yip-yip once again for being fantastic and helping me out with this fic! giving me the idea of the list at the end was just fantastic you’re amazing 💜

ao3 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

tumblr | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

~ 

christmas and new year's will find you home (there will be no more sorrow, no grief and pain and i'll be happy, happy once again)

MONDAY  DECEMBER 16  22:48 ELEONORA’S ROOM 

22:45, from Edo: talk now? ❤️ 

Only once she has her door closed, her homework tabs minimized, and her hair pulled up does Eleonora Skype her boyfriend. He answers immediately, curly hair messy, face scruffy, eyes tired, the chain of his necklace held between his lips. It’s the middle of the afternoon in Ithaca, but from this one image of Edoardo it very well could’ve been the dead of night. 

“You look terrible.” 

Edoardo smiles, wide, and Eleonora can’t help the mirror that forms on her face. He’s so beautiful, she loves him so much. “Hello to you, too. And yes, I’m doing great, thank you for asking.” 

She snickers as he rolls his eyes at her and the feed on her laptop shakes around as he adjusts his phone. 

“No, you actually look like one of those guys that’s the hot conspiracist in movies.” 

“The highest of compliments.” He sits back in his chair, scrubs a hand down his face and folds an arm across his stomach. She smiles at him again and he chuckles. “You’re cute, did you know that?” 

“No, unfortunately, I’ve never looked in a mirror before.” 

He grins, thumbing the corner of his mouth. “Never ever?” 

“Never ever.” She shifts back onto her pillows, pulling her laptop onto her lap. 

“So if you did look at yourself in a mirror—”

“I would know I’m cute, a hundred percent I would.” 

The static muffles his second chuckle and Eleonora’s heart clenches. Ithaca is over four thousand miles away and she would give anything to hear his laugh in person and not over the phone. Only five more days and he would get on a plane and come home to her. 

The corner of one of his textbooks is in the frame and she frowns a little; he said he could talk, she wouldn’t have called otherwise, and she doesn’t want to have interrupted him. “What are you studying for?” 

“I’m not,” he says, and leans forward to push the book out of the way. “I’m talking with you.” 

Her frown deepens. “Edo.” 

“Don’t worry.” 

She folds her arms, raising an eyebrow. If she’s interrupting him, he better say so/ Being a distraction is not something she signed up for. “Edoardo.” 

“Seriously! I scheduled a break right now so we could talk before it got too late for you.” When her expression doesn’t change he laughs and picks up his phone, standing and moving to his bed. He settles down on his pillows, the pattern on the sheets is thin blue stripes and she remembers the afternoon she helped him pick them out, and Eleonora’s need to be with him overwhelms her irritation. “Weren’t you the one to tell me that study breaks were good, anyways?” 

She did back in the spring during the week of his final exams, but then he hijacked it to mean long, unhelpful—though enjoyable—make out sessions on his off-limits bed and she gave up trying to explain healthy study habits to him. Now, he’s turned it into video-chatting with her, and she doesn’t have a leg to stand on anymore, she likes it just as much as he does.

“No,” she lies anyways, just to see his grin, hear that static-covered laugh again. 

“Mm, okay.” 

Eleonora bites her lip, watching his pixelated eyes dart over the screen. “How many more tests do you have?” 

It takes him a moment, the unsure scrunch of his eyebrows over taking his smile, but eventually he starts listing them. “Took one yesterday, have one scheduled for tomorrow, then two on Wednesday, a presentation Thursday, and my last one Friday.” 

“And then you come home.” 

He nods, one corner of his mouth turning up. “Then I come home.” 

Edoardo runs a hand through his hair, brushing it out of his face and she leans her chin in her hand. “Okay. What’s the first thing you want to do?” 

He rolls his lips together, scrubs that same hand over his face again. “Take a nap. I’m exhausted” 

“Oh, poor baby.” 

The corner of his mouth twitches up and he rolls to his stomach. “Guess it won’t be with you, then.” 

“Mm, don’t say that,” she says as he chuckles. “You don’t mean that.” 

“No, I don’t.” He tucks his face in the crook of his elbow. 

She smiles and speaks without thinking. “Good, ‘cause it’s on the list.” 

The cute scrunch of his eyebrows isn’t enough to combat the sudden panicked racing of her heart. Why couldn’t she think before talking to him for once? “List? What list?” 

“No list.” 

“Ele.” 

“Edo.” 

He grins at her antics and she’s lucky he’s across the ocean, now, or he’d be tickling her to get the answer. The thought makes her heart clench again (it really isn’t lucky at all), and she tries not to frown. “What’s the list?” 

Sinking further into her pillows, she mumbles, “It’s a list of things to do over break once you’re home.” 

Edoardo’s smile rivals the sun and heat rises to her cheeks as he laughs in disbelief. “Really?” She nods. “That’s amazing.” 

“Don’t say that.” 

“It is,” he insists, and sighs, smiling still like he can’t help himself, and she covers her face with both hands. “Hey, hey, look at me.” Curling her fingers into her fists, she peeks at him and finds that his smile is still as bright. She misses him so much. “It’s fantastic.” 

Shaking her head, she says, “It’s really not. I mean, you were the one who kept talking about things to do, I just started writing them down.” 

“Alright.” He’s still grinning, and she looks away. “What’s on it, then?” 

“Um—a lot of the same things we did over the summer,” she says, shrugging, looking around her room to avoid the wave of emotion that overcomes her whenever she glances at him. “Getting gelato, making cookies with your nonna, going to a few greenhouses. I need your help, you can reach the stuff on the higher shelves.” 

“Of course.” Eleonora risks a glance at him; his grin is wide, eyes intense, he winks when she meets his eyes, and she flushes. 

“Uh—I know you meant this one as a joke, but you talked about stargazing, spending the night out under the stars, and the girls and I found this one place that’s a little further south, shouldn’t be too cold…” 

“I’m sold,” he agrees, and smirks. “Besides, if it does get to cold, there are other ways—”

“And—” she interrupts, smiles when he chuckles. “There’s a new exhibit at the university’s art museum that I think you’ll like.” 

For a moment, Edoardo says nothing, does nothing, just stares at her, rolling his lips between his teeth and studying her face. There are crinkles around his eyes that she wishes she could touch, could trace, and she has to squish her hands between her legs to keep from touching her screen. No doubt he would tease her for that, even if his expression makes her think he’d do the same. 

“And sleeping,” she whispers.

“Sleeping?” 

She nods. “Lots of sleeping. Together.” 

A faint smile this time. “Good.” 

“Good.” She bites her lip and he mirrors her. 

“God, I want to kiss you.” 

“Edo—”

“So much.” 

She laughs and he grins. “You need to study so we can do this stuff when you get home.” 

“We’re gonna do it anyways.” 

“You never know,” she says, and shrugs, and laughs when he glares at her. “Oh, don’t be like that, of course we’ll do it—”

[fortheheavenssake]

MM ANON SEASON TWO.

💜💜 PG MM Anon 💜💜 Interpretation Collection - 1

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION OF SEASON TWO:THE RETURN OF MM ANON 🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

1. April 15, 2020

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻WELCOME BACK MM ANON 🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

APRIL 14/2020 1735 hrs CST

RIDDLE NUMBER ONE SEASON TWO: THE RETURN OF MM ANON

THANK YOU MM ANON

MM ANON …… doctor gone batty……… LA for dummies ……… Doctors Within Borders ……… social insistence ………… hugs not bugs……… absolutely isolated Kate. ……… “ not a whisper ma’am ……… St George’s chapel of course!!…………… with humility skippy, with humility

doctor gone batty………

WELL, WELL, WELL, I AM HAVING A SENSE OF DÉJÀVU. I CERTAINLY AM GLAD I TOOK TIME OFF TO RECHARGE MY BATTERIES OVER EASTER 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣? I, ALONG WITH MOST REASONABLE PEOPLE KNOW MADAM HAS NEVER LEFT THE U.K. AND IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT LIVING THE “HIGH”🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂LIFE IN L.A. SHE IS, AS SUSPECTED, IN SOME SORT OF CUSTODIAL CARE, CRIMINAL, PSYCHIATRIC OR BOTH. EITHER WAY, SHE HAS A PSYCHIATRIST AND OR OTHER MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS ON HER TREATMENT PLAN. TRUE TO FORM, SHE DOES NOT DO ANYTHING EXCEPT WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO THEREFORE COMPLETELY UNCOOPERATIVE AND MANIPULATIVE IN CARE. HENCE THE VERNACULAR USE OF THE WORD BATTY, SLANG FOR CRAZY. THE DOCTOR HAS GONE CRAZY TRYING TO DEAL WITH HER.

LA for dummies ………

THE WHOLE SET OF ZILLIONS OF BOOKS FOR DUMMIES WERE EXTREMELY POPULAR IN THE 1990’s . ANY TOPIC HAD A BLANK FOR DUMMIES BOOK. HER PR AND THE LIES IE MANSION PURCHASED ETC ETC.TRAVALYST REGISTERED. BIG NEWS YESTERDAY SAYING HARRY DROPPED THE NAME MOUNTBATTEN-WINDSOR. I AM VERY CERTAIN HIS AND WILLIAMS SURNAME IS WALES. BECAUSE I RECALL SEEING IT ON THEIR MILITARY RANK AND UNIFORMS, CADET WALES, CAPTAIN WALES ETC. SO SHE IS SO DUMB SHE HAS PR MAKE A BIG WHOOP ABOUT THIS AND ITS NOT ACCURATE.SHE IS USING FOR DUMMIES BOOK TO BUILD HER FALSE L.A. LIFE. SAD PATHETIC.

Doctors Within Borders ………

DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS IS AN INTERNATIONAL GROUP OF PHYSICIANS WHO VOLUNTEER TO HELP OUT ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WITHOUT REGARDS TO ANY POLITICAL CONCERNS. THEY GO BECAUSE OF THE NEED AND THEIR OATHS AS PHYSICIANS. HERE WE HAVE WITHIN BORDERS. THE BORDERS ARE AN AREA IN SCOTLAND. MIGHT THAT BE WHERE SHE IS BEING HELD BY LAW ENFORCEMENT? I USE THAT LOOSELY COULD BE MI5 OR ANY BRANCH.

I ALSO WONDER IF MADAM, AS WE HAVE HEARD RUMOURS OF, TRIED TO CROSS BORDERS AT TIMES TO HIDE TO NO AVAIL.

social insistence …………

WITH THE PANDEMIC, THE TERM SOCIAL DISTANCE HAS BEEN DRILLED INTO OUR HEADS. THEN , THEY REALIZED THIS MIGHT MEAN DEPRIVATION OF EMOTIONAL CONTACTS, MOST ARE NOW USING THE TERM PHYSICAL DISTANCING. REGARDLESS, MADAM DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS EXCEPT THAT IT HAS RIPPED HEADLINES FROM HER.

I BET CHICKY POO 💩 IS DEMANDING SOCIAL ACTIVITIES. SHE WANTS TO AND NEEDS TO MERCH BUT MORESO HER EGO NEEDS FOOD, BADLY!! SHE IS STARVED FOR ANY POSITIVE ATTENTION. THE JOKE ARCHWELL SITE BEING HELD HOSTAGE IS THE PENULTIMATE REVENGE. GREAT JOB WILLIAM!!!

hugs not bugs………

SHE HAS BEEN THOUGHT TO HAVE PLANTED RECORDING AND LISTENING DEVICES AT VARIOUS PLACES IN ORDER TO TRY AND RECORD PRIVATE ROYAL VIDEO OR CONVERSATION. DISGUSTING BINT!! THERE HAS BEEN A COMPLETE SWEEPING OF ALL THE RESIDENCES AND OFFICES QUITE SOMETIME AGO AND SHE HAS NOT BEEN IN ANY OF THESE PLACES SINCE.

JUST JOVIALLY THE ROYAL FAMILY PREFERS HUGS, NOT FROM HER THOUGH, TO BUGS. SASLY, LIKE THE REST OF US, DUE TO THE COVID ISSUE, THEY ARE NOT ABLE TO ALL BE PHYSICALLY TOGETHER TO HUG , ESPECIALLY HMTQ, PRINCESS CHARLOTTE AND PRINCE LOUIS’BIRTHDAY. THANK GOD FOR FACETIME, SKYPE ETC ETC.

RIGHT NOW THE BIGGEST BUG IS COVID-19! SURELY SHE IS NOT YAPPING FOR ATTENTION INSTEAD OF EVEN CARING A WHITE ABOUT THE PANDEMIC. OF COURSE SHE DOESNT CARE. SHES A NARC!!!

absolutely isolated Kate. ………

WILLIAM IS TALKING WITH CATHERINE, ALTHOUGH HE WOULD NEVER CALL HER KATE BECAUSE SHE PREFERS CATHERINE, HOWEVER, HE IS TELLING HER HOW ISOLATED THE PLACE IS WHERE MADAM IS CURRENTLY BEING “HOSTED”. I AM CERTAIN THAT IS A HUGE RELIEF FOR HER! SOME MIGHT THINK THIS IS A VACATION PLAN THATS QUIET BUT THATS UNTHINKABLE DURING THE PANDEMIC.

“ not a whisper ma’am ………

LG SPEAKING WITH HMTQ, VIA TELEPHONE, SHE IS SAFELY ENSCONCED AT WINDSOR CASTLE. HE IS UPDATING HER, REASSURING THAT THINGS ARE COMPLETELY COVERT.

St George’s chapel of course!!……………

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY 100%BEATRICE AND EDO’S WEDDING. ONCE THINGS COME OUT, IT WILL BE REVEALED ABOUT HRH PRINCE ANDREW BEING THE FIRST POINT OF ATTACK, TO NO SUCCESS. THE PLAN IN THE WORKS FOR A DECADE TO INFILTRATE, THREATEN, DESTROY OUR BELOVED MONARCHY. HE WILL BE VINDICATED AND OUR PRINCESS BEATRICE WILL RECEIVE A GRAND TRULY ROYAL 👰🏽 🎩 WEDDING, AT ST GEORGE’S CHAPEL!!!

with humility skippy, with humility

MM ANON AND THE OTHER ANONS LEFT SO ABRUPTLY MONTHS AGO. I WONDER IF MM ANON IS EXPRESSING HER FEELINGS ABOUT RETURNING TO THE BLOG AND SEASON TWO OF RIDDLES, SHE IS HUMBLY, WITH HUMILITY ASKING SKIPPY TO RETURN.

THE END IS NIGH, I AM THINKING A BIRTHDAY GIFT FOR HMTQ AND A BREAK FROM PANDEMIC TO FINALLY SEE JUSTICE ACHIEVED. MM ANON HAS BEEN DIRECTED TO, AS WE ALL KNOW ANYWAYS, SKIPPY YOUR YEARS OF LOYAL, FAITHFULLNESS TO HMTQ, WILL BEAR FRUIT AND THE SCALES OF JUSTICE ARE IN PLAY ⚖️ . WE ALL KNOW 🐼SKIPPY DEAR, WILL BE VERY HAPPY, HUMBLE AND SAY ITS NOT JUST ME, MEANING SHE REFERS TO HERSELF, BUT A TRUE TEAM EFFORT. BUT WE ALL KNOW WHO STARTED THIS TRAIN AND HAS KEPT IT RUNNING FOR YEARS. CHEERS 🥂. MY DEAR FRIEND 🐼, FOR THE END IS NIGH UPON US. HARRY WILL BE FREED AND HE WILL FIND HIS WAY BACK. I HAVE NEVER, NOT FOR ONE SECOND HAD ANY DOUBT ABOUT HIS LOYALTY TO HMTQ, YOU ALL KNOW THAT, I HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY OPEN ABOUT THIS AS SKIPPY HAS.

THE END IS NIGH!

WISHING AND PRAYING FOR THE BEST OF HEALTH FOR HMTQ, HRH THE DUKE OF EDINBURGH, OUR CAMBRIDGES AND OF COURSE OUR HARRY!

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿. April 15/2020

————-

2. April 30

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

MM ANON ……… the only virus ………… wonderful children to hug…… magnificent isolation ma’am……… dirty Megan,clean Harry ……… will never be the same ………… big things for a future princess ……… home cooking ………… “ ground control to major Tom” ………. “ and wash your bloody hands!!!……… an archificial birthday ………… trooping the colours???

APRIL 30/20 1700 hrs CST

SEASON TWO RIDDLE TWO

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊😊WELL WELL WELL, I HAVE BEEN WAITING, WAITING AND WAITING FOR YOU🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗, HERE YOU ARE, SECOND SEASON RIDDLE TWO. THANK YOU MM ANON 😊😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

MM ANON

……… the only virus …………

THERE IS ONE VIRUS THAT HAS CHANGED THE ENTIRE WORLD COMPLETELY FOREVER. THE COVID-19 CORONAVIRUS HAS STOPPED THE 2020th YEAR COLD, DEAD COLD. IT HAS BEEN HORRIFIC TO WATCH IT SPREAD, MUTATE, SPREAD, TOO MANY DEATHS FAR FAR TOO MANY 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻.TOILET PAPER BINGES ETC. BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE BUT ALSO THE WORST. I AM A GLASS HALF FULL KINDA GAL. WE HAVE SEEN SO VERY MUCH OF THE BEST OF HUMANITY EVEN TO THE POINT OF DOCTORS, NURSES, GIVING THEIR LIVES CARING FOR THESE PATIENTS. THERE ARE PLENTY OF CONSPIRACY THEORIES BUT NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT NOR FOR BLAME. YOU DO NOT BLAME AN ARSONIST IN THE MIDDLE OF A 12 ALARM FIRE.

wonderful children to hug……

I AM CERTAIN ONCE RESTRICTIONS ARE LIFTED HMTQ WILL BE JUST ACHING FOR HUGS FROM HER FAMILY MEMBERS, YOUNG AND OLD. I AM CERTAIN THE CAMBRIDGE HOUSEHOLD ARE GIVING AND RECEIVING LOTS AND LOTS OF EXTA HUGS. TWO BIRTHDAYS PLUS HMTQ! THEY ARE WONDERFUL CHILDREN, SPLENDID HUGGERS I AM CERTAIN BECAUSE THEY ARE BEING TAUGHT BY THE BEST.🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

magnificent isolation ma’am………

LG VIA PHONE TO HMTQ, OR PERHAPS SYDNEY AS HE BRINGS THE COCKTAILS. HMTQ AND HRH THE DUKE OF EDINBURGH HAVE SELF ISOLATED TOGETHER FOR WEEKS AT WINDSOR CASTLE. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE EVENINGS IN WARM COMFY CLOTHES, TV BLARING, HIMSELF WITH HIS BODDINGTONS AND HMTQ WITH HER GIN AND DUBONNET, TALKING OVER ALL THE CHANGES THEY HAVE SEEN DURING THEIR LIVES. THEY HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HAVE FREE TIME TO JUST SHARE WITH ONE ANOTHER, HOW MARVELLOUS. CHEERS 🥂 🍻 TO YOU BOTH. AND TO YOUR CONTINUED GOOD HEALTH🙏🏻🙏🏻. BEEN A MAGNIFICENT ISOLATION!

dirty Megan,clean Harry ………

AHHHHH YES, MADAM IS FILTHY IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY, ALLEGEDLY OF COURSE. THE SUIT WITH THE MOS WILL BEAR OR BARE🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂THIS OUT. SHE IS THE LIAR, THE MANIPULATOR, THE PHOTOSHOPPER, THE CON AND GRIFTER, THE WORST OF THE WORST.

SOON, THE WORLD WILL SEE WHAT I AND OTHERS HAVE BEEN SAYING, HARRY HAS BEEN OVERTLY COVERT, ON BEHALF OF HMTQ, TO BRING TO JUSTICE EVERY SINGLE BACKER IN THIS YEARS LONG MESS TO TAKE DOWN THE ROYAL FAMILY.

will never be the same …………

THE WORLD WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. HARRY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AFTER THEY DIVORCED. TRULY NONE OF US WILL BE, NOR SHOULD WE BE. LIFE IS ABOUT GROWTH, CHANGE, DEALING WITH THE UNEXPECTED OTHERWISE YOU ARE A FAKE HOUSEPLANT COLLECTING DUST OR MADAM!

big things for a future princess ………

OUR CHARLOTTE HAS A BIG BIRTHDAY COMING UP. WE ALREADY, ALMOST SINCE DAY ONE, HAVE SEEN HOW STRONG A PERSONALITY SHE HAS. SHE WILL GROW INTO A FIERY, HIGHLY INTELLIGENT PRINCESS FOR THE 21ST CENTURY I HAVE NO DOUBT OF THAT.

BUT, TAKE HEED, HARKEN AND READ IT AGAIN, BIG THINGS FOR A “”F U T U R E””PRINCESS. CHARLOTTE IS ALREADY A PRINCESS. WHO IS THE FUTURE PRINCESS? I KNOW THEY HAVE ALWAYS SAID CAMILLA WILL NEVER TAKE THE TITLE PRINCESS OF WALES BECAUSE OF DIANA. IF NOT HER, THAN WHO IS THE FUTURE PRINCESS?? IF THIS IS CAMILLA, SHALL CHARLES BE REGENT BUT WHAT WOULD HER TITLE BE THEN? I JUST DO NOT THINK THIS IS CAMILLA.

POSSIBILITY PUNCTUATION MIGHT HAVE BEEN MISSED, NEVER WITH MM ANON. READ IT THIS WAY……BIG THINGS FOR A FUTURE, PRINCESS. THAT WAY SOMEONE IS SPEAKING TO A PRINCESS BUT ITS NOT THAT WAY.

I AM LEANING TO CHARLES BECOMING REGENT. WILLIAM BECOMES THE PRINCE OF WALES AND GUESS WHO ???BECOMES PRINCESS OF WALES??!!! CATHERINE, OMG I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MYSELF I THINK I MIGHT BURST😁😁😁😁😁😁

home cooking …………

EVERYONE IS BAKING, BAKING BREAD, COOKING, DOING CRAFTS, RETURNING TO A SIMPLER FAR LESS SCHEDULED TIME. I AM CERTAIN THE CAMBRIDGE HOUSE IS NO DIFFERENCE. I AM CERTAIN CATHERINE HAS PROBABLY MADE ENOUGH. BOLOGNESE SAUCE, HER RECIPE, TO LAST FIVE YEARS🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂.

“ ground control to major Tom” ……….

WHAT A MIRACLE THIS WAS EH? HE IS NO LONGER MAJOR TOM, AND NO WE ARE NOT TALKING DAVID BOWIE, HE IS NOW COLONEL TOM MOORE. THANKS TO HMTQ, HE HAS RAISED LAST I HEARD £25,000,000! TALK ABOUT A HERO, KIDS TAKE NOTE, THAT GENT RIGHT THERE, THERE IS YOUR TRUE HERO, FORGET HOLLYWOOD.

“ and wash your bloody hands!!!………

THIS HAS TO BE HRH HIMSELF YELLING AT SYDNEY, WANTING ANOTHER BODDINGTONS AND REMINDS SYDNEY TO WASH HIS HANDS. OK KIDS, IF YOU DONT GET THE REFERENCES, CATCH, GO BACK READ THE NEARLY 200 RIDDLE INTERPRETATIONS I DID DURING MM ANON SEASON ONE!😁😁😁😁😁😁

an archificial birthday …………

WHAT WILL WE SEE, I BELIEVE MAY 6TH IS THE LIE EVERYONE HAS AGREED UPON🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂. THERE WILL BE A PHOTO OF SOME SORT. IT SHALL BE BLURRY, BLACK AND WHITE, TAKEN WITH A WEIRD LENS, IT MIGHT BE THE IRIS OF HIS EYE, OR TOENAILS ON HIS RIGHT FOOT, PERHAPS THE BACK OF HIS NECK?? THERE ARE INFINITE OPTIONS WHEN DECEIT, LIES AND OBFUSCATION ARE YOUR GOAL. JUST FOR THE RECORD WE DO ALL AGREE THAT THOSE ARE HER GOALS AND THEN SOME RIGHT??

trooping the colours???

TROOPING THE COLOUR NO S NEVER AN S TAKES PLACE IN JUNE. IT IS SCHEDULED FOR JUNE 13/2020. THIS YEAR HMMMMMMM UP IN THE AIR, SO TO SPEAK.

MM ANON HAS GIVEN US COLOURS…..DOES THIS REFER TO MADAMS EVER CHANGING EXCESSIVELY USING BRONZER BUT NOT MATCHED ON HER WHOLE BODY? DOES THIS REFER TO HER USING HER AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP IN SOME WAY, IE COLOURS RED, WHITE, BLUE .

DOES THIS REFER TO HER REPEATED USE OF THE RACE CARD, IDENTIFYING AS CAUCASIAN PROFESSIONALLY BUT NOW EMBRACING HERSELF AS A WOMAN OF COLOUR.IF SHE WERE A CAKE, SHE WOULD BE OVER 100 LAYERS EACH WITH A DIFFERENT FLAVOUR SO SHE COULD USE WHAT WAS CONVENIENT AT THE TIME.

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿

————-

3. MAY 1/2020

SEASON TWO RIDDLE #3

MM Anon

MM ANON … it’ll cost us thousands …… “ ‘‘tis the times’ plague , when madmen led the blind “……… 🎼 all the clubs have been closed down 🎼………… “ if you both don’t stop fighting I’ll send you to Madagascar “ ………… “ one makes ones bed”…………… “ well wash your bloody hands AGAIN!!”…………… “ there so funny on screen Philip” …… Quo victuals est super eam et irrumabo …………… next slide please.

it’ll cost us thousands …… “

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂. DECISIONS MADE IN THE HEARING TODAY WERE NOT NOT NOT IN MADAMS FAVOUR😁😁😁😁MADAM IS HAVING TO PAY HER COSTS AND THE LEGAL COSTS OF THE MOS, I BELIEVE TOTAL THUS FAR I READ EARLIER WAS AROUND £160,000!! THE ACTUAL TRIAL HAS NOT YET BEGUN, IT WILL BE LATE 2020 OR EARLY 2021! WHERE IS AN OLD SEA HAG EX YACHTER GOING TO COME UP WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY???

‘‘tis the times’ plague , when madmen led the blind “………

OH DEAR MM ANON, BACK TO THE BARD, I DO SO LOVE THIS. THIS TIME IT IS FROM KING LEAR. THERE IS A CURRENT SAYING TOO, THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND, OR THE BLONDE LEASING THE BLIND. I ALWAYS GOT BLONDE JOKES DIRECTED AT ME, IT BECOMES VERY TIRESOME VERY QUICKLY, FRANKLY QUITE DISRESPECTFUL. MEANING A HAPLESS HOPELESS UNSKILLED PERSON DIRECT THE TRAFFIC OF A RELATIONSHIP, A BUSINESS, ANY SITUATION REALLY. WHEN I SAY TRAFFIC, I DO NOT MEAN CARS, I MEAN THE DAY TO DAY COMINGS AND GOINGS, DECISIONS, MORALS , PRIORITIES ETC.

LIKELY REFERRING TO MADAM INSISTING SHE IS RIGHT, AS THE NARCISSIST SHE IS, DESPITE LEGAL ADVICE TO THE CONTRARY. HER REPRESENTATIVES PUT ON A BRAVE FACE ALL WHILST KNOWING THEY HAVE NOT A SNOWBALLS CHANCE IN HELL OF WINNING. TODAYS COURT DECISION BORE THAT OUT.

HER REPRESENTATIVES IN COURT KNOW FULL WELL SHE WILL PAY NO HEED TO THEIR ADVICE, SHE WILL, LIKE A BULL IN A CHINA SHOP BARREL HER WAY THROUGH . THEY WANT RID OF HER I AM CERTAIN. THEY MUST KNOW BY NOW THEY WILL NEVER BE PAID. WHAT A STAIN ON THEIR CAREERS PROFESSIONALLY.

🎼 all the clubs have been closed down 🎼…………

THESE LYRICS ARE FROM A SONG BY THE BRITISH BAND, THE SPECIALS BACK IN 1981, THE YEAR OF THE ROYAL WEDDING OF ALL TIME. THE SONG IS ENTITLED GHOSTTOWN. THIS IS A DIRECT REFERENCE TO OUR CURRENT WORLD. THE CORONAVIRUS STRAIN COVID-19 HAS SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN, EXCEPT HOSPITALS, GROCERS, PHARMACIES AND LIQUOR STORES. WE HAVE ALL EXPERIENCED UNPRECEDENTED EXPERIENCES THE MODERN WORLD NEVER HAS. THE LAST PANDEMIC WAS IN 1918, INFLUENZA, MILLIONS DIED. THIS IS THE FIRST MODERN TIMES PANDEMIC.

IT HAS COMPELLED MANY, GIVE YOUR HEAD A SHAKE AND RE-EXAMINE YOUR PRIORITIES MOMENTS. PEOPLE ARE BACK TO COOKING, BAKING, KNITTING, CRAFTING, PLAYING BOARDS GAMES, FAMILIES HAVING MEALS TOGETHER, WORKING FROM HOME. I DO THINK THE WORLD THAT EMERGES FROM THIS WILL BE ONE WITH INFINITE POSSIBILITIES. AND SO VERY MUCH GRIEF. OUR LITTLE BIG COUNTRY HAS HAD SO MUCH TRAUMA IN A SHORT TIME, COVID 19, MANY DEATHS, THE MASSACRE IN NOVA SCOTIA, FORT MCMURRAY FLOODED AFTER BEING BURNED DOWN BY FOREST FIRES A FEW YEARS AGO. WILLIAM AND CATHERINE ALTERED THEIR DIARY WHILST THEY WERE HERE SO THEY COULD GO TO FORT MCMURRAY AND VISIT TO SUPPORT THE PEOPLE. NOW THIS HELICOPTER CRASH, ALL SIX LOST. THIS SHIP WAS BASED IN. NOVA SCOTIA. LOTS OF PRAYERS NEEDED. SORRY I DIGRESSED BUT IT SPEAKS TO THE CHANGED WORLD WE NOW LIVE IN.

“ if you both don’t stop fighting I’ll send you to Madagascar “ …………

THATS A GREAT DISNEY FILM. I THINK MANY PARENTS HAVE REACHED THIS POINT BY NOW. I THINK OUR GEORGE AND OUR CHARLOTTE MAY HAVE BEEN BICKERING AND THE THREAT WAS UTTERED, I SHALL NOT GIVE MY OPINION WHO UTTERED THE THREAT🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂

“ one makes ones bed”……………

THE SAYING IS, YOU MADE YOUR BED, NOW LIE IN IT. MEANING YOU HAVE MADE CHOICES, NOW LIVE WITH THE REPERCUSSIONS. THIS IS DEFINITELY MADAM, HER LAWSUIT.

SOME WOULD SAY, NO ITS HARRY, HE MARRIED HER, LEFT FOR AMERICA, LET HIM LIE IN THAT SOILED BED.

HOWEVER, AS EVERYONE KNOWS BY NOW, I DO NOT EVEN REMOTELY BELIEVE THAT.

MADAM AND HER ENTIRE CLAN HAS MADE GRIFTING THEIR LIFE. MADAM HAS ADDED MUCH MORE WHICH I DO NOT WANT TO REPEAT YET AGAIN. SCRIPTURE SAYS YE REAP WHAT YE SEW OR IS IT SOW….NOT SURE .

“ well wash your bloody hands AGAIN!!”……………

HRH HIMSELF 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂I TRULY THINK HE IS ENJOYING TAKING THE P*** OUT OF SYDNEY OVER AND OVER. SYDNEY HAS BEEN HIS MAN FOR SO LONG HE HAS PROBABLY HAS CHUCKLED OVER IT. WHEN I SAY HIS MAN, IT GIVES AWAY MY AGE, HIS VALET AND THEN SOME, KEEPER OF SECRETS. ETC.

“ there so funny on screen Philip” ……

I THINK HMTQ AND HRH HIMSELF MAY BE FACETIMING OR ZOOMING OR WHATEVER, THE CAMBRIDGES AND VERY MUCH ENJOYING THE CHILDREN’S ANTICS. I LOVED THE THREE CLAPPING FOR THE NHS AND THEN LAST WEEK THE WHOLE FAMILY IN NHS BLUE, OUTSIDE ANMER HALL CLAPPING. MARVELLOUS, JUST MARVELLOUS.

Quo victuals est super eam et irrumabo ……………

MY MY MY MM ANON, I AM BLUSHING☺️☺️☺️☺️. THE WIRD IRRUMABO WOWZA MM ANON, I BLUSH…..WOWZA…..LOOK IT UP KIDS, IF YOU DARE😁😁😁😁. HAVE YOU KIDS EVER HEARD OF THE LATIN POEM, (NOT LATIN AS SPAIN , BUT LATIN AS CENTURIES AGO)SO RAUNCHY, SEXUAL, FILTHY IT WAS NOT TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH UNTIL THE 20TH CENTURY? WE DO KNOW, SEXUAL APPETITES AND CERTAIN PROCLIVITIES WERE WIDELY ENJOYED, OPENLY. THIS CLEARLY IS A REFERRAL TO MADAMS PREVIOUS LIFE IN THE YACHTING BUSINESS.POSSIBLE VIDEOS OF A CERTAIN UNCOUTH NATURE WHICH GIVES THE TERM POTTY MOUTH A WHOLE NEW MEANING. ARE WE CLOSE TO HAVING THIS FILTH MADE PUBLIC? WE HAVE ALL WAITED SOOOOOO LONG FOR THE DM TO UNLOAD THAT MILLION DOLLAR DOSSIER!!

next slide please.

IN THE OLDEN DAYS, WHEN I WAS YOUNG, OUR FAMILY USED TO WATCH SLIDES OF OUR VACATIONS, FISHING TRIPS ETC AND LAUGH AT OUR CLOTHES HAIR. FOR YOU KIDS WHO DO NOT KNOW SLIDES, IT WAS A METAPL RING ABOUT EIGHT INCHES ACROSS WITH LITTLE SLOTS WHEREIN A OHOTO IN A SMALL METAL HOLDER AND USING. A SCREEN THE IMAGES WOULD BE PROJECTED. I CAN STILL SMELL HOW THE SLIDE MACHINE SMELLED WHEN IT WARMED UP.

IN UNI, WHEN THE PROFESSOR GAVE PRESENTATIONS, THEY USED THAT SYSTEM TOO. AS THE LECTURE WENT AND PROGRESSED, HE WOULD SAY, NEXT SLIDE PLEASE SO THE NEXT ITEM FOR DISCUSSION COULD BE VIEWED AND NOTES TAKEN.

SORRY FOR THIS LONG WINDED EXPLANATION, BUT KIDS YOU KNOW THAT IS HOW I ROLL.😂😂😂😂🤣🤣.

SO I THINK THIS COULD BE REFERENCING CURRENT COURT PROCEDURES WITH THE MOS LAWSUIT. HOWEVER, GIVEN THE CLUE JUST BEFORE THIS ONE, I WONDER IF LG AND THEY GREY SUITED MEN HAVE PREPARED THEIR CASE AND HAVE THE PRESENTATION READY.

1425 hrs CST. GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿

—————-

4. May 2

MM ANON ……… bless all who come here……… stay safe ……… not sneezing season ……… birthday girls world following ……… sitting on the toilet screaming and howling ……… Plasma fantazma?……… 🎼give a little bit 🎼……… “ I swear ,I’ll send you to bloody Madagascar “……… “another top up sir”………” leave the poor man be Philip “……… “no ma’am not yet” ……… Wilfred!!!!!………… “ Bloody Wilfred!!”……… conspirators will spread another sort of virus.

MAY 2/2020

SEASON TWO RIDDLE #4

1545 HRS CST

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊THANK YOU DEAREST MM ANON😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT…..A VERY VERY HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO OUR BELOVED ANGEL, HRH PRINCESS CHARLOTTE….LOTS OF LOVE💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊😊🌈🌈🌈💐💐💐🎂🎂🎂🍰🍰🍰🧁🧁🧁🎁🎁🎁🎉🎉🎉🎈🎈🎈🎀🎀🎀🛍🛍🛍

bless all who come here………

ONE OF MY FAVOURITE BOOKS OF THE HOLY BIBLE KJV, I POSTED DEUTERONOMY 31:6 ON MY BLOG THE OTHER DAY, MIGHT HAVE BEEN 🐼BLOG. MY HEAD IS NOT ITSELF TODAY SO FORGIVE THINGS THAT ARE SPELLT INCORRECTLY OR SENTENCES NOT COHESIVE.

SO I PREFER THE KJV, KING JAMES VERSION OF THE HOLY BIBLE. THIS PHRASE IN SEVERAL FORMS AND SENTENCE STRUCTURES IS INSTANTLY RECOGNIZABLE.

6Blessed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and blessed shalt thou be when thou goest out.

FROM DEUTERONOMY, THIS CHAPER FOCUSES ON OBEDIENCES, GODS PROMISES ETC AND CONSEQUENCES FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT CONDUCT THEMSELVES ACCORDINGLY.

THIS PHRASE COULD BE USED IN ANY SPIRITUAL SETTING OR FRIENDS GATHERING.

I THINK THIS IS MEANING ALL WHO HAVE STEPPED UP TO HELP DURING THIS TIME, ESPECIALLY IN HEALTH CARE SETTINGS WILL RECEIVE ABUNDANCE OF BLESSINGS. BLESSINGS AND NOT ALWAYS TANGIBLE, SPIRITUAL BLESSINGS ARE TREMENDOUS.

I ALSO 110% BELIEVE THAT DEAR MM ANON, IS REFERRING TO OUR BELOVED 🐼 AND HER BLOG. BECAUSE ALL WHO COME HERE ARE TRULY BLESSED, IN SO MANY WAYS💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜🌈🌈

stay safe ………

WE MUST CONTINUE TO FOLLOW OUR GOVERNMENTS GUIDELINES IN REGARDS TO THE CORONAVIRUS STRAIN OF COVID-19. IT IS ESSENTIAL AS PLACES ARE SLOWLY OPENING UP THAT PHYSICAL DISTANCING AND ESPECIALLY PROPER TECHNIQUE HAND WASHING FREQUENTLY CONTINUE.

THIS IS ALSO REGARDING MADAM AND HER NARCISSISTIC HATE FOR CERTAIN PEOPLE. I AM QUITE CERTAIN EVERYONE IS SAFE AND VERY WELL PROTECTED INDEED.

not sneezing season ………

ALLERGY SEASON IS SHORTLY TO COME WHERE I LIVE. I DO BELIEVE IT IS ALREADY OCCURRING IN SOME COUNTRIES. ONE DOES NOT WANT TO SNIFFLE OR SNEEZE BECAUSE THAT IS A SYMPTOM OF COVID-19 IN SOME PEOPLE.WHEN IT MIGHT BE SIMPLE ALLERGIES. I THINK PEOPLE WHO STRUGGLE WITH SEASONAL ALLERGIES WILL BE FEARFUL IT IS MORE THAN JUST THEIR USUAL ALLERGIES. THIS IS SUCH A CHALLENGING TIME IS IT NOT.

birthday girls world following ………

AS OUR DEAR CHARLOTTE TRENDED WORLDWIDE FOR HER HAIR FLIPPING ON HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL LAST FALL, THESE ABSOLUTELY STUNNING PHOTOGRAPHS, TAKEN BY CATHERINE ARE GOING TO BREAK TRENDING RECORDS. I LOVE THE FACT THEY ARE NOT JUST PHOTOS FOR PHOTOS SAKE, SHE IS GIVING AND SERVING. MY GOODNESS WHAT A WONDERFUL FAMILY.

sitting on the toilet, screaming and howling ………

THIS GOES TO THE SCREAMING BANSHEE, SEAHAG, I USED THAT WORD YESTERDAY I THINK, IT IS SO FITTING FOR THIS FORMER YACHTGIRL AND SELLER OF ALL THINGS. SHE LOST BADLY IN THE COURT HEARING YESTERDAY, RELEASED A BOGUS STATEMENT TODAY, I JUST STARTED READING IT AND SCOOBY DOOS TWEETS,GOOD GRACIOUS. BADLY BRUISED NARCISSIST EGO. AS WE ALL KNEW AND EXPECTED, PHOTOS OF CHARLOTTE WOULD BE RELEASED BY KP, THE WORLD WOULD BE JUST ABSOLUTELY GOING GAGA OVER THEM. TWO PUNCHES, SO TO SPEAK, IN TWO DAYS.😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 LOTS OF PINK WATER AND HOBBIES AND A SCREAMING BANSHEE COMPLETELY HATING A CHILD, SHE IS

I BELIEVE THE TOILET PART IS OVERUSE OF LAXATIVES, COMMON IN BULIMIC FOR WEIGHT LOSS OF UNHEALTHY WAYS. BUT THEN AGAIN, I AM NOT AWARE OF ANYTHING THAT MADAM DOES IS HEALTHY, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY OR SPIRITUALLY. SO PATHETIC.

Plasma fantazma?………

MM ANON, I HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT FANTAZMA BUT I KNOW THE MEDICAL PEOPLE ARE TAKING PLASMA FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE FULLY RECOVERED FROM COVID-19 AND GIVING IT TO PEOPLE ILL WITH IT. TRYING TO ASSES HOW AND IF THE ANTIBODIES NOW IN THE PLASMA HELP, THEY ARE UNSURE HOW LONG THE ANTIBODIES REMAIN EFFECTIVE. IN SOME CASES FOR OTHER DISEASES YOU HAVE IMMUNITY FOR A LIFETIME. BUT WE STILL KNOW SO LITTLE ABOUT THIS CORONA VARIANT CALLED COVID -19. OXFORD HAS A VACCINE IN HUMAN TRIALS ALREADY AND THEY HAVE PARTNERED WITH PHARMACEUTICAL GIANT ASTRA ZENECA WHO IS ALREADY PRODUCING THE VACCINE. THEY HOPE TO HAVE 100,000,000 DOSES READY BY THE END OF THE YEAR. USUALLY IT TAKES YEARS TO DEVELOP A VACCINE BUT I HOPE AND PRAY THIS IS TRULY AN EFFECTIVE VACCINE WITH NO HARMFUL SIDE EFFECTS

🎼give a little bit 🎼………

OF YOUR TIME TO ME DUH DUH DA DA…GIVE A LITTLE BIT OF YOUR LOVE TO ME. AHH MM ANON BACK TO SUPERTRAMP, ONE OF YOUR FAVES. I LOVE THIS SONG. ITS ALL ABOUT LOVING AND CARING FOR ONE ANOTHER. THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE SEEN SO MUCH OF DURING THIS PANDEMIC. I COULD TELL YOU ALL THE THINGS MY FRIENDS HAVE DONE FOR ME BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN WITHOUT MY HELPER FOR WEEKS. WE SEE PHOTOS OF THE YORKS, THE WESSEXES, CHARLOTTE ALL GIVING, HELPING…NOT FOR ANY HEADLINES NO NO NO. GIVING FOR THE REAL REASON OF CHRISTIAN CARING AND LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. ITS SO MARVELLOUS TO SEE. LIKE I SAID THE OTHER DAY, THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY BLESSINGS DURING THIS PANDEMIC.

“ I swear ,I’ll send you to bloody Madagascar “……… “

OK, I GIVE IN, THE OTHER DAY I SAID I WOULD NOT SAY WHO IS SAYING THIS BUT ITS WILLIAM. THE CHILDREN ARE AT IT AGAIN, AND HE HAS LOST HIS PATIENCE🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂. LIKE MANY MILLIONS OF PARENTS.

“another top up sir”………” leave the poor man be Philip “……… “

AAAHHH HERE WE ARE, BACK IN THE SITTING ROOM, TV IS ON, BBC OF COURSE TO WATCH THE DAYS NEWS. WHAT A MARVELLOUS ISOLATION YOUR MAJESTY. HRH HIMSELF IS STILL IN A FEISTY MOOD AND AS I SAID THE OTHER DAY, HE IS TAKING THE P***OUT OF DEAR LOYAL SYDNEY😂😂😂😂🤣🤣. I WONDER IF HIMSELF IS WANTING BACK AT WOOD FARM, WITH HIS HORSES ETC. BUT MY WHAT MARVELLOUS TIME FOR THE TWO OF THEM TOGETHER. HIMSELF IS BEING OFFERED ANOTHER BODDINGTONS BY SYDNEY, HMTQ IS SCOLDING HIM FOR HAVING A GO, YET AGAIN, AT POOR SYDNEY. AS SHE SIPS HER GIN AND DUBONNET. SHE IS QUIET AND LOOKING AT HER HUSBAND, MANY MEMORIES FLOODING THROUGH HER MIND. FEW TEARS, BARELY TEARS, BUT GRATITUDE FOR THIS PRECIOUS TIME TOGETHER. ANOTHER SIP AND ITS BACK TO THE NEWS.

“no ma’am not yet” ………

HMTQ IS AWAITING WORD ON SOMETHING AND IT IS NOT THERE YET. THERE ARE A MYRIAD OF THINGS SHE MIGHT BE WAITING ON. SHE WOULD BE PRIVY TO ALL THE LOCKDOWN ISSUES SO IT IS NOT ANYTHING RELATED TO THE PANDEMIC I DO NOT THINK. THIS JUST MAKES ME THINK OF HARRY, BUT WHY I DO NOT KNOW. SHE IS WAITING FOR WORD ON SOMETHING REGARDING THE END OF DEALING WITH MADAM. KIDS I JUST DO NOT KNOW. IT MIGHT BECOME PATENTLY OBVIOUS ONCE I SUBMIT MY INTERPRETATION BUT RIGHT NOW I JUST DO NOT KNOW FOR CERTAIN.

Wilfred!!!!!………… “ Bloody Wilfred!!”……… conspirators will spread another sort of virus.

THERE ARE ALWAYS CONSPIRACY THEORIES SNOUT BIG AND SMALL THINGS. THERE IS A GROUNDSWELL THAT THIS WAS PURPOSELY RELEASED, DEVELOPED AS A WEAPON OF WAR AND MANY OF THINGS. I DO NOT HANG OUT ON 4CHAN OR 8CHAN. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE, THEY ARE THE DARK WEN, WHERE YOU CAN GET OR DO ANYTHING AND I MEAN ANYTHING. DO NOT EVER EVER EVER GO THERE!!!

I BELIEVE THIS IS HRH THE DUKE OF EDINBURGH SPEAKING, THE BIRUS HE IS REFERRING TO IS THE CONSPIRACY THEORIES AND HOW THEY SPREAD LIKE WILDFIRE. ITS LIKE GOSSIP, WE ALL KNOW HOW QUICKLY THINGS SPREAD.

WE DO NOT NEED CONSPIRACY THEORIES. WE JUST NEED TO BELIEVE WHAT OUR GOVERNMENTS TELL US.

I WONDER IF THIS IS A CHAP HIMSELF KNOW WHO SPREADS OR ENJOYS OR BELIEVES IN CONSPIRACY THEORIES. FOR SOME REASON, THE NAME WILFRED MAKES ME THINK OF A CHAUFFEUR OR DRIVER, I TRULY DO NOT KNOW FOR CERTAIN.

OF INTEREST, AND I HIGHLY DOUBT IF THIS IS THE WILFRED HIMSELF IS REFERRING TO, BUT THERE WAS A WILFRED BOWES, OBE(19 FEBRUARY 1994-6 JUNE1970) HE WAS A RAF SERVICE POLICE DETECTIVE WHO RAN THE SPECIAL BRANCH, SIB, IN 1944. IF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN THE FANTASTIC FILM, THE GREAT ESCAPE, HE HEADED THE INQUIRY INTO THE MURDERS OF THE OFFICERS THAT WERE RECAPTURED BY THE NAZIS AND RETURNED BACK TO THE POW CAMP.

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿

————

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊PG ADDS TO MM ANON😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊 HI KIDS, I HAVE BEEN THINKING AND THINKING. THE COMMENT ABOUT SENDING YOU TO BLOODY MADAGASCAR WOULD NEVER EVER HAVE BEEN SAID BY WILLIAM TO HIS CHILDREN. I THINK THAT CLUE SHOULD HAVE BEEN TOGETHER WITH HRH HIMSELF HARASSING DEAR SYDNEY. THIS IS PARTLY WHY HMTQ SAID TO STOP IT. I JUST HAD TO CLARIFY BECAUSE WILLIAM WOULD NEVER SAY THAT TO HIS CHILDREN NEVER!!

WILFRED BLOODY WILFRED

HRH HIMSELF HAVING A GO AT THE PM AND HIS PARTNERS NEWBORN SONS NAME.

THE CONSPIRACY CLUE WHICH I INTERPRETED SHOULD HAVE BEEN SEPARATE BUT I STAND BY MY INTERPRETATION OF THAT.

SORRY KIDS, JUST TOO TIRED TODAY. BUT I HAD TO COME BACK AND CLARIFY THESE THINGS, THEY WERE BOTHERING ME GREATLY ESPECIALLY ME SAYING WILLIAM WOULD SPEAK THAT WAY TO HIS CHILDREN.

I BEG FORGIVENESS, FOR THIS, SPELLING ERRORS AND JUST NOT UP TO PAR TODAY.

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻���🏻TO NYC ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

I HOPE YOU SAW THE PRAYER POST I DID FOR YOU A FEW DAYS BACK. THANK YOU FOR UPDATING US. YOU ARE VERY MUCH IN OUR PRAYERS.

REGARDING INSOMNIA….I LIKE TO WATCH THE SHOPPING CHANNEL, OR I DO EASY CROSSWORD PUZZLES ONLINE. THEY ARE EASY SO IT DOESN’T REQUIRE A LOT OF EFFORT. JUST GOOGLE FREE ONLINE EASY CROSSWORDS. TAKE CARE AND LOTS OF PRAYERS FOR YOU

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊PG😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊😊TO LEGAL ANON😊😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CLARIFYING. I KNOW IN MY PROFESSION SO MUCH DOCUMENTATION. EVERY SINGLE PILL I GAVE, INJECTION I GAVE ALL HAD TO BE SIGNED FOR, SOMETIMES TWICE IF IT WAS A CONTROLLED DRUG. THEN IF IT WAS PRN, OR AS NEEDED, ONE HAD TO WRITE IN THE CHART WHO WHAT WHERE WHEN WHY , BEHAVIOUR, SIDE EFFECTS GOOD OR BAD. LOTS AND LOTS OF COPIOUS DOCUMENTATION. IF POLICE WERE NEEDED THERE WAS A WHOLE PROTOCOL OF PAPERWORK ETC ETC ETC SO I FULLY GET WHAT YOU MEAN. TAKE CARE AND PLEASE KEEP COMING BACK TO HELP US UNDERSTAND THIS LEGAL QUAGMIRE.

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊😊DEAR DEAR DEAR 🐼😊😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR PROVIDING A SAFE PLACE TO COME, ANYTIME, WHERE ONE IS LOVED AND ACCEPTED AND PRAYED FOR WITHOUT ANY QUESTION. THIS IS SUCH A GODSEND TO ME. I WAS ISOLATED BEFORE ISOLATION WAS COOL😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣. BAD ATTEMPT AT HUMOUR. YOU WILL NEVER TRULY KNOW THE DEPTH OF MY LOVE AND APPRECIATION. THE FRIENDS I HAVE MADE HERE ARE JUST MARVELLOUS. THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS, YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND YOUR CARING.

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊PG😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿

—————

5. May 3

MM ANON ………Lucrezia Markle……… For her own well-being … she’s kicking and sedated ……… safety net for Harry ……… a very private LOCK-down ………” GATEWAY“intervention …… “NHS Catherine , Sterling work darling “ …………” yes ,I love Frozen 2” ………… PTA……… “ your experience would be valued ma’am”……… “ I myself am best when least in company “……… absque misericordia

MAY 3/2020

SEASON TWO:THE RETURN OF MM ANON RIDDLE #5

1520 HRS CST

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊THANK YOU MM ANON😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

Lucrezia Markle……

THE BORGIAS, LUCREZIA BORGIAS MY WHAT A WOMAN SHE WAS. KIDS THIS GOES WAY WAY BACK, THE LATE 1400’S ITALY. A NOBLEWOMAN, A POWERFUL WOMAN. MANY MARRIAGES. THE BORGIAS FAMILY WERE WIDELY GOSSIPED ABOUT, THEN AND NOW. SO MANY RUMOURS OF FOULEST OF BEHAVIOUR, MANIPULATION, USE OF POISONS, INCEST, MURDER, THE WHOLE GAMUT.

WE HAVE ALL LONG SUSPECTED EACH FAMILY MEMBER OF THE MARKLE FAMILY IS PART OF THIS WHOLE MESS. MADAM AS LUCREZIA, SELF ABSORBED BUT NOWHERE ANYWHERE NEAR THE DESCRIPTIONS OF HER BEAUTY. IN THAT REGARD, MADAM IN NO LUCREZIA BORGIA. BUT IN RUTHLESSNESS AND DOING ANYTHING FOR SELF AND FOR POWER? OH YOU BET SHE IS!!

For her own well-being … she’s kicking and sedated ………

SO MADAM HAS FULLY LOST THE PLOT AND IS BACK IN LOCKDOWN, FOR HER OWN SAFETY AND WELL BEING OF OTHERS. MENTAL HEALTH LOCKDOWN NOT PANDEMIC. OBVIOUSLY SHE MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING AFTER THE HEARING AND THE PHOTOS, PERHAPS SELF HARM ATTEMPT? OVERDOSE ON HOBBIES? NARCISSISTS ARE KNOWN TO TRY BUT GENERALLY IN MY EXPERIENCE, NOT ENOUGH TO SUCCEED. SO SHE HAS BEEN SEDATED BUT STILL FIGHTING RULES.

safety net for Harry ………

THE SAFETY NET FOR HARRY IS THE YEAR REVIEW PROCESS AFTER THEY ALLEGEDLY LEFT THE ROYAL FAMILY. WE ALL KNOW HE HAS NEVER LEFT HIS FAMILY AND HAS ABSOLUTELY NOT LEFT THE U.K. TO BE WITH MADAM. HE MIGHT HAVE LEFT TO INVESTIGATE BUT NOTHING TO BEING WITH HER.

ALSO IF HE DOES SPEAK TO HER AND HE CAN GET SOME SORT OF CONFESSION THAT WOULD BE MORE THAN A SAFETY NET FOR SURE.

a very private LOCK-down ………”

SO MADAM IS IN A VERY EXCLUSIVE PRIVATE FACILITY. I WONDER IF IT IS THE SAME FACILITY SHE HAS BEEN IN BEFORE?

LOCK MAKES ME THINK OF LOCH, LAKE IN SCOTTISH WORDING.I TRULY WONDER IF HARRY HAS BEEN AT BALMORAL IN SCOTLAND. THAT WOULD PROVIDE HIM THE MOST ABSOLUTE PRIVACY. ALSO VERY NEAR HIS FATHER AND CAMILLA. SURELY WOULD GIVE HIM PLENTY OF OUTDOOR TIME HUNTING, RUNNING ETC. MOST OF ALL, NO MADAM!!

GATEWAY“intervention ……

THIS IS A VERY WELL KNOWN AND RENOWNED SUBSTANCE ABUSE TREATMENT FACILITY, OR CORPORATION OF FACILITIES. I WONDER, YET AGAIN, IF HARRY NEEDED SUBSTANCES TO COPE AND HE REQUIRED A FAMILY INTERVENTION TO GET HELP. THERE ARE FACILITIES IN CALGARY. HE MAY HAVE SPENT TIME THERE. THERE WERE RUMOURS OF HIM BEING HERE, AS IN 🇨🇦, WITH HIS RPO’S, BUT THAT WAS SAID TO BE HIM DOING SOME OF HIS OWN INVESTIGATIONS OF MADAM. THIS IS WHERE GOSSIP IS A BAD THING.

“NHS Catherine , Sterling work darling “ …………”

CATHERINE HAS BEEN WORKING WITH MIDWIVES AND WOMENS HEALTH FOR YEARS NOW. REMEMBER AFTER SHE HAD CHARLOTTE, SHE WAS ATTENDING A DAY SEMINAR, THE MIDWIVES WHO HAD BEEN THERE WITH HER DURING THE DELIVERY WAS THERE AND SHE HUGGED THEM SO MUCH. IT WAS LOVELY. EARLIER LAST WEEK I DO KNOW SHE HELD A ZOOM OR FACETIME MEETING DISCUSSING HOW THEY WERE MANAGING WITH THE PANDEMIC AND IN THEIR WORK. SHE IS SO AWESOME, STERLING FOR SURE, I THINK PLATINUM.💜💜💜

yes ,I love Frozen 2” …………

AH YES OUR CAMBRIDGE PRINCESS LOVES FROZEN 2 AND 1 AND LIKELY HAS WATCHED THEM OODLES OF TIMES. I WONDER IF THIS IS FACETIME WITH GAN GAN WHO CONCURS THAT SHE LOVES IT TOO.

PTA………

IN CANADA, THIS MEANS PARENT TEACHERS ASSOCIATION. IS THIS REFERRING TO ALL THE PARENTS HELPING TEACH THEIR CHILDREN OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS?

ALSO MADE ME THINK OF PDA AND MADAMS CONSTANT 🦞 CLAWS GRIPPING OUR HARRY.

“ your experience would be valued ma’am”………

SO, SOMEONE SEEKING HMTQ ADVICE, INPUT BASED ON HER EXPERIENCE. WHAT ISSUE MIGHT THIS BE? KNOWING WHEN TO GO PUBLIC AND GIVE THE FINAL OK FOR THE PRESS TO RELEASE ALL THEY HAVE ON MADAM. OR IF HARRY SHOULD ATTEMPT TO GET INFORMATION FROM MADAM NOW BY MANIPULATING HER FEELINGS?

“ I myself am best when least in company “………

AGAIN INSTANTLY RECOGNIZABLE AS THE BARD, SHAKESPEARE, THIS TIME TWELFTH NIGHT. THIS IS A VERY INTERESTING PORTION OF THE PLAY. A WOMAN HAS GONE MAD, IS LOCKED UP, THE MEN ARE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BEST DEAL WITH HER, WITH FOUR OR FIVE MEN OR JUST ONE. VIOLA IS THE WOMAN. ORSINO IS THE MALE WHO SAYS HE CAN DO THIS TASK BEST ALONE. USING MANIPULATION, TELLING HER HOW HE LOVES HER, THEIR TIMES SPENT TOGETHER TO GATHER THE INFORMATION NEEDED.

THIS IS FASCINATING. THE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FOOT NOW. HARRY IS STRONG AND SHE IS BROKEN, TRYING TO GET A RECORDED CONFESSION WHILE HE PLIES HER WITH HIS LOVE FOR HER. THIS TRULY IS A TRAGEDY OF SHAKESPEAREAN LEVELS. WOWZA KIDS!!

absque misericordia

I KNOW A HOSPITAL CALLED MISERICORDIA, MERCY HOSPITAL. HERE WE HAVE ABSQUE OR ABSENCE. ABSENCE OF MERCY, RUTHLESS JUSTICE. THIS AWAITS MADAM ⚖️, SHE HAS DONE THIS ALL TO HERSELF. SHE HAS PLAYED EVERY BIT THE MATA HARI. SELF SELF, LIES, MANIPULATION, AND ON AND ON. SO POSSESSED OF A JEALOUSY , HATRED AND REVENGE UPON CERTAIN PEOPLE WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE. I DO NOT WISH TO MENTION THEIR NANES AGAIN, BAD KARMA. SHE SET THIS LAWSUIT IN MOTION. THE SNOW BALL IS ROLLING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN NOW, GATHERING STEAM, GETTING LARGER AND THERE IS NO STOPPING IT NOW. YE REAP WHAT YE SEW. LEAVE HER TO JUSTICE AND GOD.

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿

—————-

6. May 5

MM ANON …… granny flap…… delusions of gran-tour…… “ aye, some wantid er’ but Walt dis-ney “…… a p****hub offer worth millions …… a secret return …… Lottie leaded Cambridge assault ……… “ a very prominent speech for VE DAY ma’am”. …… unlocking the unlock able ………… 🎼day by day…🎼………… pause ,pray, proceed. …… optimistic optimism???

MAY 5/2020

RIDDLE POSTED MAY 4/2020

SEASON TWO THE RETURN OF MM ANON😉

RIDDLE #6

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻😊THANK YOU MM ANON😊🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

0900 hrs CST

SORRY I AM A DAY LATE KIDS.

granny flap……

FLAP IS A INTERESTING WORD, A PURSE CAN HAVE ONE, A FLAG CAN FLAP IN THE WIND, A PERSON WHO IS WOUND UP OR AGITATED CAN BE SAID TO BE IN A FLAP. GRANNY FLAP,WELL DEPENDING ON WHICH GRANNY IS BEING REFERRED TO. I KNOW HMTQ IS REFERRED TO AS GRANNY, SO I SHALL SAY THIS IS HER. I CANNOT SEE HER EVER BEING IN A STATE OF A FLAP SO THAT IS OUT.

delusions of gran-tour……

INTERESTING MADAM, AND BACKWARDS SPELLED SCOOBY AND DURAND ARE ALLEGEDLY WRITING FINDING FREEDOM. I PERSONALLY THINK SHE SHOULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL SHE WAS OUT OF PRISON BEFORE USING THAT TITLE 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂. SHE IS THINKING THIS WILL BE A WALL STREET JOURNAL BEST SELLER. THE DAYTIME TALK SHOW CIRCUIT HAS ALL BUT DRIED UP BUT I AM CERTAIN IN HER MIND, SHE FULLY BELIEVES EVERYONE WILL BE DYING TO INTERVIEW HER, DOING A GRAND TOUR, LIKE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MOST MAJOR AUTHORS PUBLISH. HERE WE HAVE GRAN-TOUR. HYPHENATED. WHO IS ARCHIES GRAN? I HAVE NO IDEA BUT MADAM HAS SOLD DORITO AS THE GRANDMOTHER. OH DEARIE ME, PLEASE SAY IT AIN’T SO 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 THE TWO OF THEM, MAKING THE ROUNDS. GOOD GRAVY, SAINTS PRESERVE US. MAYBE A PRIME-TIME OPRAH SPECIAL TELL ALL ON OPRAH’S TV CHANNEL THAT NO ONE WATCHES. DOES SHE STILL EVEN HAVE IT ANYMORE?

“ aye, some wantid er’ but Walt dis-ney “……

NOW THIS REQUIRES THE THICKEST OF SCOTTISH BROGUES TO PULL THIS OFF, WALT DISNAH’🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂. THIS IS WONDERFUL MM ANON, I AM IMMEDIATELY TRANSPORTED TO A PLACE I LOVE, SCOTLAND 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿. THIS IS SAYING DISNEY WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH MADAM. WE ALL SAW THAT BIG ACT HARRY PUT ON, WAS THE THE REASON HE DIDN’T ATTEND THE MILITARY EVENING AND ATTENDED THE LION KING SO HE COULD CONFRONT BOB IGER FACE TO FACE, CAPTURED OF FILM..ACTING ALL INNOCENT BY YAPPING THAT MADAM DOES VOICEOVERS, IGER’S FACE GOES WHITE AS A SHEET KNOWING THE PALACE KNOWS ABOUT HIS SHENANIGANS WITH MADAM, WORK ON THE ELEPHANTS FILM. IGER LEFT DISNAH’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂AKA DISNEY. NOBODY OF ANY REGARD OR ESTEEM REMOTELY WANTS HER. SHE TRULY CARRIES THE MARKLE EFFECT…LTHAT GOES ALONG WITH THE EVIL.

a p****hub offer worth millions ……

AGAIN WE HAVE A GRAPHIC SEX WORD, ALTHOUGH IN MY EXPERIENCE, THAT WORD IS NOT USED IN THE U.K. THERE IT IS CALLED A FANNY OR A WORSE WORD. I LEARNED THAT RATHER QUICKLY WHEN I BROUGHT MY FANNY PACK WITH ME ONE TIME AND MY FRIENDS WERE AGHAST AT THE NAME IF IT. HERE FANNY IS YOUR RUMP BUT NO NO NOT IN THE U.K. ANYHOW THE EVER SPOKEN ABOUT DOSSIER, VIDEO. WILL THE TRUTH AT LAST BE REVEALED. THE DM DOSSIER WAS A MILLION SEVERAL YEARS AGO. HAS IT GONE UP IN PRICE? HOW I WISH THINGS WOULD BE REVEALED BUT THEY WILL BECAUSE SHE STARTED THIS LAWSUIT AND THINGS ARE COMING. ONCE COVID-19 SETTLES BOOM! IN SIMPLE TERMS, THIS IS MADAMS PAY FOR PLAY, “OPEN DOOR POLICY”.

a secret return ……

WILL HARRY RETURN PUBLICLY? HAS HE BEEN AT BALMORAL , CANADA INVESTIGATING OR EVEN HIS BELOVED AFRICA, OR ALL THREE. SECRET MEANS NOT PUBLIC YET, BUT CLOSE? SO WHEREVER HE HAS BEEN, HE WILL RETURN TO LONDON TO BE READY FOR REEMERGENCE.

Lottie leaded Cambridge assault ………

AS IF IT WERE A PLANNED BATTLE, THE PHOTOS OF CHARLOTTE’S FIFTH BIRTHDAY, PORTRAYING HER IN THE ACT OF GIVING IN PHOTOS TAKEN BY CATHERINE ARE STELLAR. UNBEATABLE, NOTHING MADAM COULD RELEASE COULD HAVE KNOCKED THOSE HEADLINES AND TRENDS. I AM 100% CERTAIN SHE SEES IT AS THEM ATTACKING HER AND TAKING PR TIME AWAY FROM HER. SAD LITTLE LIFE, JEALOUS OF A FIVE YEAR OLD.

“ a very prominent speech for VE DAY ma’am”. ……

NOW I NORMALLY NEVER DO THIS, BUT THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT AND I THINK MANY WILL WANT THIS INFORMATION. THE QUOTED PORTIONS ARE FROM TOWN AND COUNTRY MAGAZINE. SO THE BBC WILL HAVE EXTENSIVE PROGRAMMING AND HMTQ SPEECH AND HER MEMORIES WILL FEATURE PROMINENTLY AMONGST IT.

🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧”Announcing its coverage plans to mark 75th anniversary of VE Day, the BBC said in a statement: “At the heart of the commemorations will be a special address from HM The Queen broadcast at 9.00pm – the exact time her father spoke to the nation three quarters of a century ago.”

Announcing its coverage plans to mark 75th anniversary of VE Day, the BBC said in a statement: “At the heart of the commemorations will be a special address from HM The Queen broadcast at 9.00pm – the exact time her father spoke to the nation three quarters of a century ago.”

The Queen will have her own memories of that important day. Then 19-year-old Princess Elizabeth, she was allowed to leave the palace along with her sister Margaret to join the crowds outside celebrating.

The Queen’s message on May 8, 2020 will form the centerpiece of the televised musical event VE Day 75: The People’s Celebration, which will begin at 8 p.m. in the UK. The program will culminate with the nation coming together to sing Vera Lynn’s wartime classic We’ll Meet Again, which the Queen referenced in her recent speech reassuring the nation amid the coronavirus crisis.

“At a time when many are looking for unity and hope, the BBC will bring households together to remember the past, pay tribute to the Second World War generation, and honour our heroes both then and now,” the broadcaster’s Director General, Tony Hall, said in a statement. The program will also include memories and photographs from members of the World War II generation.

Additional events throughout the day will include a two minute silence at 11 a.m. and a broadcast of then Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill’s victory speech in the afternoon.”🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

unlocking the unlock able …………

AGAIN, WITH MM ANON, EVERYTHING MEANS SOMETHING. WE HAVE UNLOCK IN DIFFERENT FORMS TWICE. THE SECOND TIME IT IS SEPARATED WITHOUT HYPHEN. SO UNLOCKING OBVIOUSLY MEANS OPENING, LETTING DUST OUT FRESH AIR IN. LETTING FILTH OUT LIES PUT THE FILTH TRUTH AND LIES PUBLIC. UNLOCK ABLE , I READ THIS AS YES, IT CAN UNLOCK AND WE ARE ABLE TO. SO ALL IN ALL THAT DOSSIER IS COMING OUT ALONG WITH VIDEOS AND EVERY OTHER FILTHY MERCHING THING MADAM HAD DONE.

DNA IS OFTEN SAID TO HOLD THE KEY.FROM EYE COLOUR, TO GENETIC DISEASES, ETC ETC. THE KEY TO UNLOCKING DNA IS BOTH BOOKS, TEXTBOOKS , LECTURES ETC ETC. I THINK THIS MOST DEFINITELY REFERRING TO DNA OF ARCHIE NOT EXACTLY COMING OUT, BUT WHAT WILL COME PUT , FINALLY, IS THAT HARRY IS NOT THE FATHER.

🎼day by day…🎼………… pause ,pray, proceed. ……

THE FIRST THING TO MIND IS THE CLASSIC HYMN, DAY BY DAY AND WITH EACH PASSING MOMENT. IT SPEAKS OF THE STRAINS, TOILS, TRAUMAS AND JOYS OF LIFE. NOW I DOUBT THIS IS FAMILIAR TO HMTQ, HOWEVER, THE PHRASE PAUSE, PRAY REPEAT REMINDED ME OF AN EPISODE OF MUDER SHE WROTE WITH MY FAVOURITE ANGLEA LANSBURY WITH A CLUE STITCHED ON AN EMBROIDERED SAMPLER. THE CLUE THERE WAS REFLECT AND PAUSE, OF COURSE SHE FIGURE IT OUT, THE EMBROIDERY WAS TO BE SHOWN TO THE MIRROR, THEN ONE SHOULD PAUSE AS HIDDEN CLUES REVEALED THEMSELVES. SORRY FOR BEING SO ELABORATIVE, AS USUAL FOR ME THOUGH😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣. THESE CLUES TOGETHER TAKE ME TO THE 19TH CENTURY. SAMPLERS WERE HUGE THEN. ANYHOW I THINK WHAT MM ANON IS SAYING IN HER CLUE AND I AM WRITING THE EQUIVALENT OF TOLSTOY IS HMTQ IS A WOMAN WHO HAS A PLETHORA OF LIFE EXPERIENCES, GOOD, BAD AND THE IN BETWEEN. THROUGH OUT ALL OF IT, SHE HAS RELIED ON HER FAITH AND THE GOD GIVEN INHERENT BRILLIANCE SHE HAS TO NAVIGATE THROUGH THEM ALL. SHE ALSO HAS MILLIONS PRAYING FOR HER.

optimistic optimism???

THIS IS ODD REPETITION OF TWO FORMS OF THE SAME WORD WITH THREE QUESTIONS MARKS. EVERYTHING MM ANON WRITES IS THERE FOR A REASON.

IS THIS TELLING US, THOSE WHO HAVE STOOD BY HARRY HAVE OPTIMISM THAT OUR STALWART FAITH AND OPTIMISTIC BELIEFS SHALL SOON BEAR FRUIT??? I MOST CERTAINLY PRAY SO🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿

————-

[jsteneil]

Neil Josten’s Birthday Bash

in which the foxes don’t get anything done, ever

 *

Nicky added Dan, Kevin, Aaron and three others to “Neil Josten's Birthday Bash Organization Committee”.

Nicky: can't add Andrew because he still owns a FLIP PHONE but here we go

Dan: hell yeah B-)

Nicky: kevin can fill him in with the details anyway

Kevin: why me?

Allison: because you live with him?

Matt: you're practically attached at the hip

Dan: omg ur roomm8s

Matt: ^^^ what allison said

Dan: yeah

Nicky: OR aaron can do it on wednesdays so that there's no chance of neil finding out :D

Aaron: no.

Aaron left the chat.

Nicky: what

Nicky: the

Kevin: just add him back

Nicky: fuck

Kevin: ffs

Kevin: some ppl are in class

Nicky added Aaron to the chat.

Aaron: im muting you all

Allison: just embrace the fact that you've lived in SC for years and say y'all

Nicky: y'all!!!

Nicky: yeah

Matt: dude don't how are u gonna know when to buy your coordinated outfit and rehearse the choreography if you mute us

Dan: Aaron?

Renee: I do think he muted us

Allison: fuck a crybaby

Nicky: hey

Allison: what's he gonna do? Unmute us?

Dan: asdhskfjdl ALLI

Matt: lmfao

Nicky: moving ON

Nicky: the important thing here is my boy neil's birthday

Kevin: and you wonder why Aaron left

Nicky: what?

Kevin: maybe Neil doesn't want to celebrate his bday

Nicky: no that's too sad

Nicky: next person?

Allison: not to be that bitch

Matt: oh?

Allison: but do we even know when his birthday is?

Allison: fuck you matthew donovan boyd

Matt: sorry i love you

Dan: it was easy

Dan: matt ur easy

Matt: ily babe

Dan: <3

Kevin: jan 19th

Renee: March 31st?

Allison: wait

Dan: uhhhh

Matt: Neil Josten deserves 2 bdayz

Kevin: no jan 19th

Renee: oh i thought we were using the one he chose for himself

Matt: Renee add a smiley face

Renee: :)

Renee: ?

Dan: babe ur mind,,,, im crying

Matt: ikr

Allison: stop using mygf so

Kevin: is it me or does it sound really passive aggressive bitchy with a smiley face

Dan: ye that's the point

Renee: I really wasn't trying to be

Matt: oh no we know, sorry

Matt: i feel bad now

Matt: it was just funny

Matt: sorry

Dan: :(

Renee: It's okay, don’t worry

Renee: :)

Dan: renee STOP i feel like ur going 2 murder me in my sleep

Renee: I could, but I won't

Nicky: im shaking and im not even in your dorm

Allison: and we daily thank god for that

Nicky: hey im an excellent roommate

Nicky: i always leave so cap and matt can have sexy times

Dan: yeah but then u call it sexy time

Allison: ive seen the bathroom nicky

Nicky: that's aaron

Matt: l o l

Kevin: aaron's a neat freak

Allison: exposed

Nicky: erik come get me the people here are mean

Renee: So when's Neil's actual birthday?

Kevin: jan 19th

Nicky: who's gonna ask andrew?

Kevin: HE HAS REAL PAPERS NOW

Kevin: JUST GO CHECK AND LET ME BE IN CLASS IN PEACE

Allison: well okay drama queen

Dan: kevin: *is on the chat as much as us*

Dan: also kevin: guys why r u dragging me here

Matt: it's okay kevin we can talk about it during practice

Renee: Don't goad him, Matt

Dan: lmfao babe u thought

Matt: uh oh

Allison: lol

Dan: we need 2 trounce the ravens nxt wk

Nicky: do we have to

Dan: y'all r hauling ass @ practice or god help me

Nicky: id settle for a close victory

Matt: nicky if you don't help us close the goal next friday im telling neil about his surprise

Nicky: noooooo :'(

Allison: ye renee has enough to do without having to face stuff y'all should have blocked

Renee: Andrew is also a goalkeeper

Allison: yeah but he doesn't give a fuck

Renee: That's neither true nor fair

Dan: i want bragging rights over this vctry, end of the question

Matt: are we just gonna ignore the fact that the fbi chose neil's old bday

Matt: even tho they made him a new identity

Allison: wonder how this conversation went

Nicky: are we ignoring the fact that neil is a goddamn CAPRICORN

Allison: "in my left hand is your birthday date. In my right hand is your other birthday" *shuffles behind his back*

Matt: idk about astrology but I checked and he tried to pass for an aries so what does that tell us?

Dan: shut up adfhskdjs

Nicky: im dying

Kevin: [attached picture]

Matt: did u steal neil's ID

Allison: i thought you were in class

Kevin: he sent it to me

Nicky: his phone can take pics??

Dan: RLY crappy 1s but yeah

Nicky: so all those times andrew refused to send me pics of his Eden’s Twilight's outfits so i could coordinate neil's…

Matt: :/

Kevin: he just doesn't like you

Allison: i would have laughed but you two have been fighting the good fight since last year, dressing neil up

Nicky: hey

Renee: Kevin, that was mean

Nicky: but thanx allison, I think so too

Kevin: sorry

Kevin: he's just difficult?

Nicky: yeah :(

Dan: omg u guys rmr when neil was on k ferdinand's show n he looked like a bite-sized snack in that shirt

Kevin: not exactly what I remember from this interview

Dan: u were pretty 2 <3

Kevin: oh my god

Renee: Didn't Neil keep the clothes?

Nicky: i've never seen him wear them again

Nicky: maybe he STUFFED THEM DOWN THE TOILET

Matt: uh okay

Allison: weird emphasis

Kevin: are you still stuck on that

Dan: what

Kevin: it's what happened with the clothes he wore the first time we went to columbia

Nicky: do you know how expensive that plumber was?

Matt: just a thought but maybe that wouldn't have happened if you didn't force him to come with you and drugged him against his will

Allison: don't tell me someone actually peed on them and tried to flush

Nicky: take it up with andrew

Matt: you literally drove the car

Kevin: what happened in columbia stays in columbia

Allison: omg oh my god

Dan: IM SCREAMING

Nicky: what was i supposed to do, get knifed?

Nicky: also ^^^^ yeah.

Nicky: ANYWAY

Nicky: now that Kevin got us proof that the FBI officially made neil a capricorn again,,

Dan: the fbi be like "oh u thought u could escape ur traumatic past? That's nice buddy

Matt: yeah I don't think beating last year's party is gonna be hard

Dan: here's ur bday n trauma back"

Nicky: HAPPY THOUGHTS

Nicky: :(

Nicky: anyway it's the big 21st, so the first thing in order is BOOZE

Kevin: uh nicky

Renee: He's turning 20?

Matt: what???

Kevin: yeah he aged himself up on his fake papers

Matt: oh my god

Dan: lmfao only neil

Nicky: he is baby

Matt: does. Does he know though. Like did he check when they made him the papers.

Kevin: I'm guessing so

Matt: imagine filling a form or smth and you get the day right but not the year

Renee: Wait Kevin, how did you get neil to send you the pic without telling him about the surprise party?

Nicky: DON'T YOU DARE HAVE TOLD HIM ABOUT THE NJBB

Allison: njbb?

Dan: neil josten's bday bash, im guessing

Nicky: Neil Josten's

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Nicky: yes

Allison: it doesn’t sound right

Allison: like, something’s missing in the name

Matt: alli we play a sport named after what you get when you take the s from sexy

Dan: 10 bux kevin wishes he didn't have such a stick up his butt so he could reply with exy is sexy

Allison: im not taking that

Kevin: i actually don't know why she named it that

Kevin: she never told the press and she didn't write it anywhere so

Nicky: :(

Allison: oh

Dan: sorry :(

Renee: Maybe coach knows?

Matt: maybe each letter has a meaning

Kevin: how?

Allison: endangering xylophones yearly?

Matt: EXceptional daY

Matt: and then, boom, it's about your name

Renee: Matt, I like that idea!

Dan: allison, no

Kevin: I'll have to ask coach, renee

Kevin: anyway it was always going to be her name, she invented it

Nicky: someone bring neil in so he can say something super serious about how kevin is a legendary striker whose name is already associated with exy and make us choke with emotion

Kevin: nicky….

Nicky: look it's working and he's not even there

Allison: it's the josten effect

Dan: changing your entire life's beliefs one extremely tragic remark at a time

Matt:...

Matt: someone change the subject im sad

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Kevin: oh yeah nicky asked me how i got neil's ID

Allison: and?

Kevin: i told him i signed him up for his own exynews account so he could stop hogging mine for streaming

Kevin: so i needed his name and birthday

Kevin: and then we got into an argument about date formats

Nicky: dd/mm/yy 4ever

Allison: eww

Kevin: so he sent me a pic instead of writing the date

Dan: it's the european propaganda getting to him

Kevin: i guess i really have to get him an account now

Dan: kevin i know you're entirely serious but that's so funny

Nicky: THE REST OF THE WORLD USES IT

Matt: admit it, you can't wait to go back to Germany because you secretly like the metric system

Nicky: yeah dicks sound bigger if you use centimeters

Dan: didn't need 2 know that

Nicky: not that erik needs that :)

Dan: I DON'T WANNA KNOW

Renee: ….

Matt: honestly im glad i don't understand german or i would never live down all the skyping

Dan: renee's like "can't relate" lmfao

Renee: No indeed

Allison: hell yeah that's my girlfriend

Renee: <3

Allison: hey minyard if you're secretly lurking now is the time to leave

Allison: …

Renee: No, he truly muted us earlier

Dan: are we surprised?

Renee: we'll catch him up on what we decide to do later

Renee: Nicky?

Nicky: oh, yeah!!!

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Matt: here we go again

Dan: mamma mia

[haikumomentsandinspiration]

#healthcarevacation, Part III

My last update was on August 25, 2018. So much has happened since then, so there will be at least two more parts to this documentation. If you missed earlier updates, you can read Part I here and Part II here. 

First of all, I did come up with a tattoo idea (see my last update) and got one last summer. I had had a challenging spring term in the 2018-2019 school year, and needed to remind myself who I am and what I’m about. So I went to my tattoo artist and asked her to design ”a badass mermaid” for me. A siren that’s feminine and strong (not a skinny blonde mermaid, please!), a siren who looks like she is ready to kick some ass if need be—soft, with hard edges.

And I got just that, along with a tattoo on the side of my belly of a fertility symbol from traditional Turkish kilim patterns.

But let me back up.

After August 2018, after a ton of research, we decided to go with donor egg IVF in Spain. Our patient coordinator at the clinic we chose was lovely and super communicative. She was available via WhatsApp anytime I had a question or anxiety or both, and made sure I knew what the next steps would be and when. I felt well cared for.

During my winter break, I flew to Spain soon before our donor’s egg retrieval to start the treatment. I flew into Barcelona to give myself some time in my favorite city before flying to Valencia. I had a cold right before my trip, and in Barcelona, I started feeling like my cold may in fact be a sinus infection. I was miserable. I managed to go outside, get some fresh ginger, some lemon ginger tea, cough drops, and congestion meds. I needed to get better...STAT.

Two days later, on the day I was to fly to Valencia in the evening and meet Gene at the airport there, I woke up to the news Gene couldn’t fly out to join me that day because his passport wasn’t good for at least 6 months. (Being Turkish, I wondered if someone had “cast the evil eye” on us.) Eventually, Gene was able to miraculously take care of all the paperwork, get an emergency passport renewal, and catch the same exact flight to VLC 24 hours later.

The day after G’s arrival, we took a bus to Gandía for our first appointment at Irema clinic. My uterine lining was still a bit too thin, so they upped my meds, but told me not to worry since I still had a week before the scheduled transfer day. That evening, Gene and I flew to Barcelona to boost morale before the transfer. I was feeling slightly better, but Gene ended up catching my cold. Sigh. Things were just not going as smoothly as I had hoped.

A week later, we headed back to Valencia and then to Irema clinic for my second scan. My lining was still too thin, but other than its thickness, it was looking exactly as it should. They doubled my estrogen dose and postponed my transfer date. I went to the market the next day and shopped for food with a focus on thickening my lining: nuts, avocados, olives, apricots, sardines, chicken broth…My third scan, on December 31, showed my lining was almost there (7.7 mm, with the goal being at least 8 mm thick, so we set the transfer date for January 7. Things were looking up, except I got sick with another cold while still not 100% over the first one, and spent New Year’s Day sick in bed.

Gene left for SF two days later. That he had to go back before transfer day was hard for me. I sent him updates via WhatsApp along the way and tried to stay connected as much as possible (this was a major challenge for me and really got me down). I found an acupuncturist of zero reputation (someone working from home and with no reviews anywhere, which was not unusual in Valencia), but who was very sweet and kind and seemed to know what he was doing, and started seeing him to get my body as ready as possible for the transfer. We had three good quality embryos from our donor, and after much discussion and research, we decided to transfer just one this time, and save two for later for a second attempt or for a sibling later on.

The day before my transfer day, I walked about an hour to the beach, prayed, meditated, and communed with the sea, wishing for a positive outcome the next day. The next day, I found out the embryo we were going to transfer was classified as an A-quality embryo, and my lining was just fine. Transfer was quick and painless, with an all-women team. I went to get fertility acupuncture next to seal the deal, and the next morning, I flew back to San Francisco hopeful, ready for this to finally work.

It didn’t.

But it wasn’t even that simple. The first blood test, my levels came back really low: technically pregnant, but disconcerting if I were indeed pregnant. I was to go back 48 hours later to see if my levels doubled as they were supposed to; we held onto the sliver of hope. But no. Negative. I couldn’t feel the sadness at first — Gene had just started a new job that day after a long stretch of unemployment, so we were celebrating and grateful. Then, a couple of days later, the emotions hit. I felt distant, quiet, impatient...and in need of a new tattoo.

And that’s how the badass mermaid/fertility design tattoos were born.

Fast forward to the summer. After a brief visit to Israel for my grandmother’s 90th birthday, and a week in Istanbul next, I flew back to visit Irema clinic in Spain for the transfer of remaining embryos.

In the meantime, our awesome patient coordinator Lauren had quit her job (some internal drama, which made it sound like she made the absolute right choice). I only found out when I contacted her in preparation for the summer’s transfer to find out what our next steps should be, and had someone named Sergio respond to my text instead of Lauren. He was terrible at communication and not half as knowledgeable as Lauren. It was a very frustrating period, but we had no choice since we still had embryos at the clinic.

July 3, 2019: transfer day! We had decided to transfer both of the remaining embryos this time. We really wanted twins, and if only one took, that was fine, too. We’d figure out what to do about a sibling later. I wasn’t sick this time. I had been upgraded to business class last minute for no apparent reason on my flight over. My lining was where it was supposed to be from the start, and we had two embryos this time. Everything was going smoothly. My sister Rina joined me at the end of my stay in Valencia to help me with my bags, and we went to Barcelona together for my two week wait. All was well; we were joyful and filled with hope.

Because the transfer day happened earlier than I expected compared to our last experience, I had more days in Spain post-transfer than I had anticipated. This meant that I would still be in Spain when I got my blood work results back. I decided I would not delay the wait. I had my blood test done, then went to the beach with Rina. I didn’t swim, just in case I was positive and had to avoid getting an infection. I told G to let me know when he got home from work so I could look at the test result with him on the phone and we could get the news together.

Finally, close to 2 am in Barcelona, with G on the phone, I finally took a look.

Negative.

It was an awful Whatsapp chat. This, we had been convinced, would be the successful one, and it wasn’t. We just sat there, each in our feelings, not sharing them. I felt devastated and alone. Hurt. Mad. Heartbroken. Isolated.

Hours later, when Rina woke up on the morning of her flight back to Istanbul, I told her the news through tears. She said she didn’t want to leave me behind like this; I said I would be fine, and that there wasn’t anything she or anyone could do. I just needed to grieve, and her being there with me or not wouldn’t change anything. Besides, why pay extra money to hang out longer with a depressed sister who doesn’t feel like doing anything except staying in bed crying? Rina went back to her room, made a phone call, and came back to tell me she was staying three more days and that was that. She left to give me some space and to get herself some coffee, and returned a little while later with a bubble wand for me (I am about to cry just thinking about it now.) I got up, blew some bubbles from the balcony of my room towards passersby below. Bubbles have always made me smile. And to my surprise, even under these circumstances they still did.

I got my period a few days later—a few days after Rina had returned to Istanbul and a few days before my own trip back home. That week after the test results and before my flight back to SF, back to Gene was the longest week ever. I tried to make the most of it by finally enjoying all the foods (including ice cream) and alcohol I had been denying myself in Barcelona due to my fertility-friendly diet.

And then, back home, it felt like the longest time ever until I stopped grieving. What finally helped me find a sense of inner calm was to start researching next steps. I started researching clinics in Spain all over again, making phone calls, having Skype chats at all hours of the night (due to the 9-hour time difference), exchanging numerous emails with a number of clinics and their former patients…

Eventually, after I did all that research and laid out everything on a spread sheet, we settled on a clinic in Barcelona and decided to gamble on their birth guarantee/shared risk program. What that means: instead of paying for one cycle (about $9K), you pay a flat fee (about $20K), which gets you three cycles with three different donors and a healthy baby at the end of those, OR all your money back. So the clinic is taking a risk in that they could lose $20K if you don’t have a successful birth by the end. And you take a risk by paying $20K instead of $9K because if the first cycle works, that’s $11K down the drain. We decided it was worth it since I’d had so many failed cycles, including two donor egg transfers thus far. And we figured the clinic would be taking especially good care of us because it would be in their best interest for us to have a successful cycle as soon as possible. Next challenge: figure out how to finance all this. After more research, more emails and more chats with people in various Facebook groups, we settled on a plan and decided to go for it.

December cycles hadn’t been kind to me. I’d had a December cycle with my own eggs in Turkey a few years back, which we had to cancel when my body just didn’t respond to the fertility meds. Our first donor egg transfer in Spain had also failed and was the one cycle when my lining took its time getting to the minimal acceptable thickness for the embryo transfer. Knowing cold weather is not my body’s friend, I was hesitant to start the new cycle with a new clinic in December, but I was also not getting any younger, so there was no time to waste. It was back to Barcelona in December 2019, and this time, Barcelona was the location of the clinic and our only destination, not a short trip between clinic visits in another visit. Everything would be much simpler.

Clarity sure felt good, and knowing what our plan was for up to three cycles (which could span the period of the next two years) was a huge relief to me. I felt so much lighter. I felt hopeful and confident again.

December 2019-January 2020.

Barcelona.

Let’s do this.

To be continued.

[needdl]

Distance

“I think you should go.”

Rated M

Read on FFN or AO3

this has actually been up on ffn and ao3 for a while-  along with another piece, actually. i will be posting that one on tumblr as well, probably tomorrow.

“I think you should go.” Neji’s voice was tired- they had been up talking for hours now, but were both unwilling to go to bed.

“But-”

“Tenten.”

She fell quiet, staring at him with such raw emotion in her eyes that his chest echoed dully in response.

“This is such a huge opportunity for you.”

“But- five months.”

“I know.” Neji pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her hair. “But it’s not as though we won’t be in contact. And I can come visit you a few times.”

“Yeah.” She clung to him tightly, hands gripping his shirt in clenched fists. “I’m going to miss you like crazy.”

“I’ll miss you too. But you’re really going to love the work that you’re doing.”

“Mm.” If possible, she held him even tighter. “Still gonna miss you.”

“You won’t leave for another three months. We have some time before we part.”

“‘Before we part.’ You’re very dramatic, my love.”

“And you’re very good at taking the tension out of a situation. Let’s go to bed.”

Tenten used her grip around his neck and shoulders as leverage to raise her legs and wrap them around his waist. “Only if you carry me.”

“Fine.” Neji hooked his hands underneath her thighs and turned them around to walk towards the bed. “Don’t get used to this. You have perfectly fine legs.”

“You certainly seem to think so.”

Neji stopped in the middle of the room, thrown off by the remark. “Pardon?”

He could feel Tenten smirk against his neck. “Don’t to deny it, you ogler. Every time I wear tights I’m twenty minutes late to work because you get all handsy.”

Neji had a brief moment to recollect flashes of tanned skin through sheer black fabric, and realized somewhat grumpily that he couldn’t even deny her statement.

Tenten left for China in February.

They spent their last evening together in their apartment, cooking dinner together and eating it in front of the fireplace. They were both unusually attached to one another- Tenten wound up curled in Neji’s lap, arms around his neck and shoulders as they rested their foreheads together and conversed in low voices.

They mostly ignored the meal they had cooked, although dessert- they had planned on having chocolate fondue- was… used, if not for the purpose they had initially intended.

Neji brought Tenten to the airport the next morning. They restrained themselves from causing too much of a scene, just embraced one another for a minute and separated with a short but warm kiss.

“I’ll text when I land, then again at the hotel,” Tenten told him. Her eyes were glimmering, but true to Tenten, she did not cry. Neji tenderly ran his thumb along her cheek.

“I love you,” he told her, resting his forehead against hers.

“I love you too,” she whispered. She leaned up and kissed him again, very softly, before stepping away from him and grabbing her suitcase.

“I’ll miss you,” she said. Neji nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets and clenching them into fists.

She gave him one last smile and turned towards the terminal, a white-knuckled grip on the handle of her suitcase. Neji watched her go until she disappeared in the crowd.

It certainly wasn’t easy adjusting to their long distance relationship- the first two weeks Tenten was gone, Neji felt a yawning chasm in his life where she normally filled it.

They quickly set a routine- Tenten called or video called him every night after she was done with her work from the day- and from her elated gushing over the phone, it was work that she loved.

They texted each other constantly, with the understanding that they wouldn’t always be able to respond immediately- the time difference between Konoha and Beijing wasn’t too difficult, but Neji’s days operated a few hours ahead of Tenten.

Once a week, they’d set up a Skype date and talk for hours at a time.

(Well, sometimes they did things… other than talk.)

There were the few nights when one of them had a difficult day and wasn’t in the mood for a long conversation, or had something occupying their time. Those nights, they’d settle with a simple text exchange before saying goodnight.

Gradually, the distance between them felt more normal- Neji still missed his partner, of course, very much- but he looked forward to talking to her at the end of the day. At one point he realized that there had been a large uptick in the frequency that Lee invited him out, and strongly suspected a collusion between him and Tenten to keep Neji socialized.

He had to admit that it was working- he and Lee either sparred in the dojo or got drinks together about once a week, which was certainly more than they had previously.

Still, Neji was looking forward to March, when he would be visiting Tenten for a long weekend in Beijing and celebrating her belated birthday.

The weekend after Tenten’s birthday, he took a cab to the airport at about 5:00 AM. His initial flight out was delayed, so he sent Tenten a quick text and settled into a seat to read his book.

He had just absorbed himself in the chapter when Tenten texted him back several sad-face emojis in a row, then sent a quick follow up text.

‘will watch flight info online and meet up w u at airport when u land. i’m excited!!! ❤️❤️❤️’

Neji smiled to himself and tucked his phone back into his pocket.

Naturally, Neji was in first class for his flight- it was a luxury he had grown up with, and he liked it far too much to give it up. His first and only time flying economy class- with Tenten, of course-  hadn’t been terrible, but he was too accustomed to first class and had actively avoided economy class ever since.

It may or may not have been a minor point of contention between himself and Tenten- she disliked spending money when there was a cheaper option available, and would pointedly roll her eyes at him when she thought he was being frivolous. He would retort that just because something was less expensive didn’t mean it was a better choice. Tenten tended to buy things that broke down after a very short period of time, and constantly had to replace them. All in all, she was spending just as much, if not more than him on a product.

It was one of the things they fought about most, but once they’d moved in together it had settled over somewhat. Even if their apartment’s rent was more than the rent at Tenten’s old place, splitting it between their two incomes actually meant she was paying less than she had before, and could actually invest in her necessities.

(Neji had taken her to the store where his family bought most of their winter clothes, and Tenten had actually expressed shock over how warm her coat was. It gave Neji some mixed feelings- she definitely could have afforded warmer coats in the past, and he hated that she had just let herself be that cold for the sake of saving money.)

But still- Neji indulged and traveled almost exclusively in first class. (If Tenten was with him, they’d fly business class; a grudging compromise between them.)

Neji tried to do some work on the flight, but he was too distracted to get much done. He was mostly thinking about Tenten.

He hadn’t seen her in almost three weeks, and was eagerly anticipating seeing each other face-to-face again. He knew Tenten had some things she wanted to do with him in the city, and they’d likely spend the second and third days of their time together spending time with Tenten’s group of fellow students, who by all accounts she was becoming close with. But their first day reunited…

The flight attendant handed Neji his drink, stirring him from his (admittedly slightly risque) thoughts. He took it with a nod of thanks and turned his attention to look out the window.

Four hours, then he’d finally see her again.

Tenten chewed her lip in anticipation, eyes fixed to the entrance of the baggage claim area. Neji’s delayed flight had thrown her off a little. She’d been a bundle of nerves all week, unable to focus on her work and even getting a few inquiries from her colleagues about her behavior.

They’d all smirked a little bit when she told them her boyfriend was coming to visit her- apparently, she talked about Neji more than she realized. She’d left the night before amid wolf-whistles, knowing looks, and one loud, “Enjoy your weekend!”

And she was planning to, but first her boyfriend needed to arrive.

A flood of people came through the doors, and Tenten perked up eagerly only to sulk in disappointment when it became clear that Neji wasn’t among them. His flight had landed about half an hour ago, he should be at the baggage claim any second-

A few stragglers from the last crowd entered, but still no sign of Neji. Tenten was tempted to go through and find him herself.

Her phone buzzed, and she checked it hastily in case it was from Neji. It was just an email notification- once upon a time, Ino had nagged Tenten into signing up for a clothing store’s membership program, and now she was constantly getting spam.

Scrunching up her nose in vexation, Tenten tapped her way through unsubscribing from the store. She never used the discounts anyway; there really wasn’t a point to it anymore. Task complete, she put her phone back in her pocket and glanced back up at the entrance.

Her heart stopped in her throat. In the minute she’d been distracted, Neji had entered, and he was walking towards her now with his eyes fixed to her face.

For a few seconds, Tenten couldn’t get her feet to move at all.

Logically, she knew his appearance hadn’t changed- she had video called him two days ago, after all, and he looked much the same as he had then.

But something about seeing Neji in person- for the first time in three weeks - made her want to cradle his face in her hands and memorize its nuances.

(He was so handsome - how did she not fully remember that?)

After those first few seconds spent drinking in the sight of him, Tenten lurched into movement. She didn’t quite run to him, but they reached one another with a flurry of movement that ended with Tenten clinging desperately to Neji's shoulders as he leaned her back and kissed her with such urgency that she was left gasping for air.

He pulled back slightly and shifted her so she was upright again, pressing a few slower, more controlled kisses to her lips. Her head was swimming, but she did her best to reciprocate, feeling rather like one of the trembling maidens on the covers of the books Sakura pretended not to read.

Neji parted from her and rested his forehead against her own, eyes staring into hers.

“Hi,” Tenten whispered, biting her lip in an effort to contain the wide grin stretching across her face.

“Hi,” he echoed. He kissed her again, very softly, before finally stepping away and slipping his hand into hers. They stood and grinned at each other like idiots for a minute, before remembering the crowd around them and the luggage that still needed to be collected.

They were getting a few fish-eyed looks from the people around them, but as Tenten tucked herself against Neji's side while he grabbed his luggage, she realized that she definitely didn't care.

Tenten drove them back from the airport in a colleague’s borrowed car, filling up the air with excited chatter about her work, and showing him around, and how happy she was to see him.

He couldn’t have gotten a word in edgewise if he’d tried- Tenten still maintained that she didn’t talk as much as, say, Naruto or Ino, but once she got started on something, it was hard to stop her.

Not that Neji wanted to. He was, quite frankly, starstruck at the sight of her, and was still drinking in the fact that he was back in her presence. He sat quietly in the passenger’s side of the car and watched her speak, letting her words wash over him and feeling the gap in his life slowly fill up again.

He must have been gazing at her like a man starved, because every time she glanced over at him she’d quickly dart her face away again, a flush slowly rising on her face.

They reached the building where Tenten was staying and parked in the alloted spot, then sat in the car and kissed one another for a good half an hour.

Neji was a little embarrassed when he pulled apart from Tenten- for a brief moment, he needed to catch his breath- and realized how much time had passed since they had arrived. The sight of Tenten’s face easily persuaded him to lean over again, her mouth a puckered red and her hair a tousled mess from where he had been cupping her head. She also had such a languid, wanton look on her face that Neji really had no choice but to swoop back in and tease a moan from her throat.

They finally got out of the car- both flushed red and feeling a little light-headed- and went up the stairs and towards Tenten’s apartment. They committed to some level of decorum once they entered the building and kept themselves the slightest bit apart. Tenten had fallen rather quiet, but based off the expression on her face- biting her lip, a dark flush, brows just the slightest bit cinched- she was filled with anticipation.

They entered the apartment quietly, and stopped a few feet into the foyer. Tenten seemed a little awkward now, as if she hadn’t planned for what they’d do after they got back to her place.

Fortunately, Neji had some ideas.

He set his bags down carelessly and snagged Tenten by the waist, stepping closer and ducking his head down to mouth at her pulse. She inhaled sharply, throwing one hand over his shoulders and wrapping her other arm around him to grip the fabric covering his mid-back.

They spent several more minutes like that, kissing rather desperately and with quite a bit of tongue. Finally, Tenten pulled away with a gasp.

“O-oh-” She panted against his shoulder for a minute, her grip slowly easing where her hand had twined itself into his hair. Sensing a shift in their affection, Neji relaxed his own stance so he was cradling her close to him, slowly rubbing her back.

There was less tension between them now, replaced by tenderness and- fulfillment. After a moment, Tenten lifted her head again and pressed her lips very gently against his.

They kissed sweetly for a minute or two, then Neji slowly eased back. “Give me the tour?”

“Sure,” Tenten said, somewhat breathlessly. She grabbed his larger suitcase and dragged it behind her as she went further into the apartment. Neji grabbed his other bag and followed her into the kitchen silently.

It was small but well furnished, with surprisingly new-looking countertops. Neji could see another room and a hallway leading off from where he was, but the door was partially closed and the lights dimmed, making the contents difficult to make out.

The kitchen flowed into the sitting area, which held a plush-looking sofa, a coffee table, a bookshelf, and the TV on the armoire. There was also a side table with a lamp and a few knickknacks, as well as a shelf holding a few plants and a couple of picture frames.

He couldn’t see them perfectly, but one of the pictures was definitely a picture of them from Temari’s birthday party a few years ago, both dressed nicely and looking- well, Tenten looked beautiful, Neji supposed he had looked handsome.

It was towards the end of the evening, and they’d both had a few drinks in them when Sakura had snapped the picture. They were seated at the table and Tenten was leaning into Neji’s side, head propped up on one hand with the other tucked into the crook of her elbow. Neji was sitting with one arm over the back of her chair and the other resting on the table. Sakura had told them to “say cheese!” before she took the photo, and in an unusually public display of affection Neji had pressed his lips to Tenten’s temple before turning to face the camera.

Sakura had photographed the moment Tenten had understood his actions, and so the picture showed her smiling impossibly affectionately up at Neji as he in turn smiled warmly up at the camera.

Lee had said, once he saw the picture, that Tenten had “heart eyes”, which Neji didn’t really understand but made Tenten flush and get all squeaky.

It was one of his favorite photos of them, and it filled him with fondness that Tenten seemingly liked it so much as well.

“Well, this is the kitchen-” Tenten gestured around them rather vaguely- “then the sitting area, and through there is the office slash laundry room, and then that hallway leads to the bathroom and bedroom. Oh, I cleared out some space for your stuff, I know you’re only here for four days but I know how you like to organize your things…”

Neji hummed in agreement.

“Speaking of which, let’s go have sex.”

Neji was mid-agreement hum when he realized what she said, and choked off rather abruptly.

Tenten snorted. “Dork. But also, I’m serious. I put on silk sheets and everything.”

“Tenten, it is-” He paused and checked her watch. “A little after 1:00.”

“I’ve always found that to be a particularly sexy time of day…”

“It’s practically lunchtime.”

“Mmm. And I know what I want to eat.”

Neji's responding flush made Tenten laugh and kiss his cheek. Fondly, she told him, “C’mon, babe. I want to stretch you out and admire you.”

Neji’s flush made its way down his neck and over his ears, but it certainly didn’t stop him from following Tenten into the bedroom.

Tenten woke up the next morning with sun streaming in through the window and Neji’s mouth on her clit.

She threw her head back into her pillow and let out a hiss, her hands flying up to twine into the hair on Neji’s head and pull. He responded in kind, sucking at tender skin and squeezing her hips hard in his hands.

She came undone almost embarrassingly quickly- but they’d been up all night after an entire month spent apart, so she was admittedly a little tender and her stamina was lower.

But Neji was trying his damndest to increase it as much as he could in a single week. And though at the moment Tenten wasn’t able to walk without her knees wobbling, she certainly was enjoying herself immensely.

Neji pulled away from her, but she didn’t dare to look at him- she just knew he’d be licking at his lips and looking insufferably smug.

After a moment of silence, he said amicably, “Good morning.”

“Yeah. Uh, hi.”

Neji’s hands pulled away from her thighs, and a few moments later he was shifting himself up so he was propped over her on his elbows. His hair fell over his shoulders in a tousled mess, and Tenten was a little regretful she hadn’t woken up in time to see it tangled across his shirtless back- one of her favorite sights in the world, and one she had been badly missing in the past month.

But then again, she thought to herself as Neji dipped his head to thoroughly kiss her breathless, this was nice too.

Neji pulled away from her and shifted so he laid on the bed next to her, one arm draped over her waist. He tucked his head back against her neck and collarbone, then, after a moment of consideration, grazed her warm skin with his teeth.

Tenten wiggled at the sensation. “Neji-”

“I meant to ask you last night,” he interrupted with a murmur (and normally she’d be irritated, because she hated it when people interrupted her, and when Neji did it she disliked it even more- but right now she was still riding the high of her pleasant awakening, and Neji smelled quite good, and it was just post-coital talk, nothing important, so she’d let it slide) “This necklace-” he reached to hook his fingers under the delicate gold chain that was tumbling down her neck and over the tops of her breasts. “You didn’t have this when you first left, did you? I don’t recognize it.”

Oh. Tenten flushed a little, because that was true, and the way she had gotten it was one of the most embarrassingly sentimental, lovelorn, sappy things she’d ever done.

“Uh-” her mind stuttered for excuses. “It’s, uh-”

Neji waited patiently, running his fingers over the chain (and coincidentally, her skin). He wasn’t looking at her face at all, which made it easier for her to blurt out, “Okay, you can’t laugh.”

His fingers never ceased stroking her skin. “All right.”

“Well-” Ugh, this was so cheesy. Tenten kept her gaze on the ceiling, refusing to look at Neji. No way would she be able to get it out if she had to actually look at him. “It was the first couple of weeks after I had left Konoha, and- I mean, you remember what it was like, I missed you a lot-”

The movement of Neji’s fingers slowed minutely, and Tenten got the impression he was listening very intently. “And- well- I was out with a few colleagues just touring around, and a few of us wanted to check out some shops and we went into this little jewelry shop and I just- I saw it, and I was thinking of you, and then I bought it.” She glared defiantly at the ceiling.

Neji’s hands stopped moving completely, and after a moment he said, “I missed you too, Tenten but I still don’t see how the necklace has anything to do with that.”

Tenten rolled her eyes at the brusqueness of his statement, but reached up and pushed his hand away to grab the necklace and show him the tiny, minuscule capital N that dangled off the delicate chain.

Neji lifted his head from her neck to look at it closer. “That’s- an ‘N’? Why...”

Tenten waited for his genius brain to kick in.

Neji paused, then asked haltingly, “Is that… is it… does the ‘N’...”

Tenten’s cheeks burned, and she muttered, “It’s really not too difficult of a connection, Nnnneji.” The emphasis was a tad obvious, but she wanted to get the conversation over with.

“I- I see.” Neji’s hand, which he had settled over her hip when she moved it, minutely tightened its grip. In the next few seconds he flipped them both over so Tenten was lying haphazardly under him while he buried his face in the space between her neck and shoulder, holding her in his embrace so tightly it was almost painful.

Tenten blinked a few times, a little startled at the reaction. Cautiously, she raised a hand to smooth down the strands of hair at the base of his neck. “Neji?”

If possible, he held her even closer. After a moment he lifted his head and pressed a lingering kiss to her temple, then abruptly got up and walked out of the room without a word.

Tenten squinted after him. “Neji? You okay?” He’d had only his briefs on, so he definitely wasn't planning on just walking out of the apartment.

He came sweeping back in a minute later and sat back down on the bed, then leaned over her and set something down on her stomach.

“Marry me.”

Tenten’s head, which she had been craning awkwardly to see what he had brought her, snapped back up. There wasn’t a trace amount of anything other than seriousness in his expression- but then, she hadn’t expected there to be anything else.

“Huh,” she said, grabbing what she now realized was a small velvet box off of her stomach and popping it open. The ring wasn’t extravagant- just a simple band of platinum with diamonds, rubies, and aquamarines studded into it.

(Keyword being extravagant- that’s not to say it wasn’t expensive.)

“I will.” Tenten said absently, picking the ring out of the box. “Marry you, I mean,” she clarified, sliding it onto her ring finger and giving an experimental wiggle. It didn’t have any parts that would stick out and catch on anything, which she appreciated.

“We should have a longer engagement, though- maybe a year and a half? That way I can finish up in China, then we’ll have time to plan things out- I’m sure your family has a lot of traditions, so we’ll have to haggle that out with them...”

She glanced up at Neji for the first time since she’d put the ring on. He was staring at her ring finger, seemingly transfixed, looking so open and vulnerable that her heart clenched.

“Hey.” Tenten leaned over and placed her left hand over his. He jerked his head up to meet her gaze, and she grinned at him.

“We’re engaged.”

Slowly, he grinned back, looking both triumphant and boyishly sheepish. “We’re engaged.” He turned his hand over to lace their fingers together, then brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it tenderly.

Tenten could only stand the affection for a few seconds before she had to jump up and get away from him to hide her flush. “You want breakfast?”

She peeked at Neji out of the corner of her eye. He was watching her with his head tilted to the side, that same exultant smile tugging in his lips.

“If you’re making it dressed like that, definitely.”

Tenten paused and glanced down at her fully nude figure, then shrugged and continued towards the kitchen. “Fine, but I’m going to wear an apron for protective purposes.”

“Even better.” She could hear him shuffle around on the bed, presumably swinging his legs over and standing up.

Three steps out of the bedroom, Tenten paused and stared at the contents of Neji’s suitcase where they were scattered across the floor. “Uh-”

“Ah.” Neji placed a hand on her waist and looked over her shoulder at the mess. “I was in a hurry to get the ring. I’ll put my things away while you make breakfast.” He paused for a second, then thoughtfully dropped his head down and pressed a kiss to her neck.

The slightest shiver went up Tenten’s spine. “That eager to get me affianced, huh?”

“You have no idea.” Neji stepped back from her and knelt in front of his luggage. “I started ring shopping after our six-month anniversary.”

Tenten’s foot caught itself over the air, and she stumbled. “What?”

Neji just smirked up at her. “It was a good date.”

“I mean-” Tenten thought back to the sight of her office filled with flowers in the morning, followed by a delivery of her favorite lunch, and Neji picking her up at a little after five to take her to dinner at a very nice restaurant. (Plus, well, they’d gone back to his place- to exchange gifts, among… other things.)

It was a good date, but it wasn’t as if it had so spectacular that she was suddenly irresistible to Neji- after all, he’d informed her a few weeks prior to their anniversary that he loved her.

(She was on her way out of her apartment that morning, already running a few minutes late because someone didn’t want to let her out of their shower. Neji didn’t have to leave for work until later, and was making a point of walking around clad only in a towel, his wet hair dripping some very distracting trails of water down his chest. Tenten had paused to kiss him goodbye, and after he pulled away he told her, “You should know that I love you.”

“’Kay,” she replied, and left, clicking the door shut behind her to make sure it latched.

She was halfway down the stairs before she realized what he said.)

Tenten frowned at Neji in contemplation. “What was so significant about our anniversary? It was a nice night, but it wasn’t super unusual for us.”

Neji’s attention was suddenly diverted with laser-like intensity to neatly folding a sweater. “Hn.”

Tenten let out a little sputter, half amused and half offended. She hadn’t heard him say that in a while.

“Excuse you-”

“It was the first time you’d spent the night at my home.” Neji’s sweater was extremely folded. “It just… made me realize… that I wanted you in my life for as long as you would have me in yours.”

Ugh, Neji . Every once in a while, he’d turn a phrase that made her heart go pitter-pat in her chest. And he always meant them so earnestly- Tenten knew that her presence in Neji’s life had lightened it considerably, but he was still one of the most serious people she knew. But it meant that everything he did, he committed himself to fully. Romance included.

She didn’t tell Neji this, of course. Tenten got all flushed and squirmy when Neji’s intense affection was directed at her for too long.

Instead she leaned over and patted his head. “Save it for the vows, babe.” She turned around and started to walk into the kitchen, only to let out a shriek as Neji suddenly looped his arms under her ass and sort of tackle-dropped her on the ground.

“‘Save it for the vows’,” he muttered, hooking one of her thighs around his waist. He laced her left hand with his right and pinned it to the ground near her head. “You’re ridiculous.”

Tenten grinned up at him. “I’m one-hundred percent original, bay-beeee.”

Neji very effectively used his mouth to shut her up.

[wintrcaptn]

What We Choose | Peter Parker 💌

Summary : based off “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.” Being a hopeless romantic, you have wrote letters to all the boys you’ve ever had feelings for, ever since you could remember. Though no one in the world would ever know about it. Until one day, all five letters were mailed to each of your crushes house, and that’s when your life changed forever. A/N : I loved this movie as I’m sure most of you did as well! The vote was so close and though bucky won by two points, I thought it would be different to write for Peter! Besides, he’s actually in high school lol. It’s slow at first but it will turn into a peter x Reader fic I promise lol. Enjoy! And please don’t forget to leave feedback!!

When you were younger, you were told stories about true love. Disney was no help whatsoever with all of its sappy, yet adorable movies. But they never told you what that felt like, and it terrified you.

You could daydream all day long, watch Rom Coms and lose yourself in one of those romance novels. They were your escape from life. From all the stresses and worries around you. It was hard to keep from dazing off into your imagination. You couldn’t help it, and you didn’t seem to mind.

“Hey, are you coming downstairs?” Your little sister, kitty asked snapping you out of your daze.

You shot your gaze to her. “What?”

“For dinner. Dads cooking.” Her lips dropped into a frown and you knew exactly what she was thinking.

“Yea, let me just read this last sentence.” You muttered, returning your attention to the book.

As you laid there about to finish the chapter, your older sister stormed into your room and tugged on your leg.

“Come on. Get up.” Charm demanded. “We need to help dad out.”

Letting out a sigh, you closed your book and groggily propped up to your feet.

“Why can’t we just order take out?” Kitty asked. “Dad isn’t the best cook.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle as you agreed, following your sisters down stairs.

“Come on you two. It’s not so bad. Besides, dad is going out of his way. So be nice and make sure you tell him how much you appreciate everything.” Charm said.

Before you made your way down to the last step, the front door opened and Stiles walked right in.

“Hey babe.” He said pressing a quick kiss to Charms lips. He gave Kitty a high five before making his way over to you with a smile on his face and giving you a hug. “Hey, Y/N.” He said.

“Hey dork.”

“Hey Mr. Y/L/N. Smells good! What’re you cooking?” Stiles asked. He turned on his heels and slipped his hand into Charms, as they made their way over to the kitchen, leaving you alone to your thoughts.

Stiles was your sisters boyfriend, but he was also your best friend. And the guy you were secretly crushing on at the moment.

Daydreaming was a safe way to live out a fantasy with him. And not deal with the emotions and heartbreak. He was funny, sweet and absolutely adorable. And it was hard not to fall for him.

Stiles and charm had been together for about two years. And it was obvious how much they loved each other. To the point where it was disgusting.

Let’s back track to the second grade.

Your family had just moved into your house, which wasn’t something you were excited about. Your older sister, Charm didn’t seem to mind moving into a new city and leaving her old friends behind. But then again, that’s just who she was. Your baby sister, Kitty well she was only two years old. So you were sure she didn’t mind as well.

Once you were settled in, you mostly spent your days in your room, reading a book. Until one day, Charm forced you to go outside and play.

And that was when you met Stiles. Your neighbor.

He was riding his bike along the street, screaming at you to move before swerving and falling into a bush. You ran over to him immediately, hoping he was okay.

The second your eyes met his, you had chest palpitations, and your stomach fluttered. And that was the beginning of your relationship. Being neighbors, you two were always together. Even in high school. Sitting on the bleachers, with a pile of your favorite snacks and soda.

“Would you rather eat only salad for the rest of your life or eat anything you want but it had to have a drop of pee on it?” You asked, before taking a swig of your soda.

Stiles hummed to himself for a moment, before turning his gaze to you. “Clear or yellow pee?” He asked.

You contemplated for just a second before you shrugged. “Slightly yellow.”

He nodded, and without taking a second more to think he had his answer. “It’s just pee. I’ll choose eating anything.” He said. “I mean I can’t get rid of pizza!”

“Yea! You can never turn down pizza!”

It wasn’t a friendship where either of you had to put up a front. You were both so open and vulnerable with each other. And in sync. Until he and Charm got together.

At first, things weren’t really different between you and Stiles. But then as time went on, you started to feel like an outside, a third wheel.

You even noticed how much she influenced him and how she started to change him.

Sitting on the bleachers with them, you decided to ask your sister the same question from months ago.

“Ew. Definitely eat salad.” She said, opening up her water bottle.

Stiles nodded, taking a bite of his apple. “Yea-Yea. Definitely salad.” And that was when you realized things had changed.

Sitting at the dinner table with your family, you and your sisters stared at the overly cooked chicken.

“It’s black.” Kitty whispered to you.

“Just pretend it’s a juicy burger.” You muttered. “Maybe the inside is good.”

Your dad slumped into his seat, tired from all the prepping and cooking.

“Dinner is served.” He exhaled.

“Looks—delicious.” Charm smiled, trying to cut a piece for herself. But realizing the knife your dad brought wasn’t working. She decided to get one she knew would cut into the charred meat.

“You always know what to use.” Stiles chuckled.

“Yes, I don’t know what I am going to do without her.” Your dad said.

“You do have two other daughters, you know.” You chuckled. “Besides, she’ll be back for Christmas.”

“Yep! But don’t worry, I’ll skype you guys as much as I can.”

Your sister was about to leave for Scotland. She had gotten accepted into the university out there and as much as you were going to miss her, you couldn’t be more excited for her. This was all she ever talked about growing up. It was all she ever wanted.

“Now that she will be in college, you will have to drive yourself and Kitty to school.” Your dad muttered.

Your stomach knotted from just the thought. Driving was something you weren’t comfortable with at all. It was nerve wrecking and scary, you wanted to push it off for as long as you could.

“Well, I’m not going anywhere.” Stiles said, snapping you out of your daze. “I can take you guys.”

“Really?!” Kitty asked, her eyes lighting up. “Because I don’t think I’ll make it to the seventh grade if Y/N drives.”

“Shut up!”

With that, you all bursted our into laughter though you tried to hide your smile. It was nights like this that you cherished the most. With everyone you cared about sitting at the table. The only person you were missing was your other best friend, Wanda.

“Oh I got a surprise for you, Charm!” Stiles said. He handed her an envelope across the table, as his excitement grew. “Since you can’t be here for thanksgiving—“

Charm opened the envelope and pulled out round trip tickets to and from Scotland. In that moment, you knew something was wrong just by her expression.

“So I thought I’d come to you!”

“Wow! Look at that, Stiles is moving on up!” Your dad exclaimed.

Charm cleared her throat, as she shot her gaze to her boyfriend. “You bought this? You really paid for this?”

Stiles slowly nodded, furrowing his brows in confusion. “Y-Yeah. I wanted to surprise you and—did I do something wrong?”

The room fell silent for what seemed like forever. You sat there staring at Stiles who seemed lost and hurt, feeling sorry for him. The tension was so thick, it was hard to ignore.

“Mm just like moms cooking.” Kitty said, breaking the silence.

Charm swallowed hard. “Can I talk to you outside?” She asked him.

And with that, the two made their way out to the front porch.

Your dad and sister glanced at each other as you took this as your cue to go to your room.

“I—I’m not really hungry right now.” You said.

As much as you liked Stiles, you knew you would never go between him and your sister. He was a great guy, an amazing person who always made Charm happy. It was all that mattered.

The feelings you had were obviously not going away, so you decided to write him a letter. A letter he would never read, of course. It was mostly for you. To help you express what you felt and understand it.

Once you were done, you went to your closet and reach for the blue box your mother had bought you years ago before she died.

In it contained the other four letters you wrote to the other boys you had ever loved in your life.

The first letter was to Barry Allen from science camp your sister made you go to many years ago.

Next was Peter Parker in seventh grade.

Nick Robinson from an activist group.

Then it was Kevin Keller who you danced with at homecoming.

And now, to add to the list was Stiles.

For years, these had been kept secret, never telling a single soul. It was embarrassing and private, you never took them out the box unless you wrote a new letter.

It was then you would go back reread the old ones. But only then.

As you opened one of the letters, you sat on the floor in your closet and read your words. Cringing at the memory.

“What’re you doing?” Charm asked, creating you to shove the letter back into the box and push it under your dirty clothes.

“W—What? Nothing.” You said nervously.

She raised a brow at you for just a moment, before she climbed into your bed and let out a long sigh.

You made your way over to her, growing concern from her expression.

“Are you okay?” You asked, laying beside her.

Charm let out yet another sigh, hugging your pillow close to her chest.

“I broke up with Stiles.” She said. Your eyes grew wide, as you shot your gaze to her.

“What?! Why?”

“Because before mom died, she told me not to go into college with a boyfriend.”

“B-but you love him.”

She slowly nodded, feeling her throat begin to knot. “I know. But this is how it has to be.” Charm sat up. “Anyways, I brought you a box to fill for donation. Anything you don’t use or need, throw it in the box. Got it?”

You glanced around the room, and shrugged. “Mm I don’t know. I’m not ready to part ways with anything yet. They hold a sentimental value.”

She rolled her eyes, before hitting you with the pillow. “Once I’m gone, you have to take care of dad and Kitty. They need you.” She muttered. “It’s time to talk about responsibilities and growing up. Start by cleaning up your room.”

Your shoulders slumped before you looked at her with annoyance. “Can’t we just go back to talking about how your dad?” You asked.

“You are something else Y/N.” She chuckled. “Fine, we will talk about this tomorrow morning before I leave for my flight.”

Your head laid on her shoulder as you cuddled up next to her. Feeling tears begin to well. “I’m going to miss you.” You whispered.

Charm swallowed hard, fighting back the pain she felt. Something she always did. “I know. But I’ll be back before you know it.” Her lips pressed a soft kiss to your head before she pulled herself up off your bed. “Now get some sleep. Love you.”

“Love you too.” You said.”

Chapter Two

Tagging : @thenumber1sinner @chloe-geoghegan1 @lovemarvelousfics @xtina2191 @the-solivagant-alien @im-a-light-child @whatanight13 @mrsrendriverrollinshardyackles @alwaysoutoftheordinary @cauraphernelia @dorkprincess @rachel68928 @fangirldreamsandstuff @geekandbooknerd

[sheriartybabes]

Sheriarty

*warnings: smut*

(basically just skype sex™ i'm not gonna lie to u, enjoyy x)

It was late evening, and Sherlock was working on a case. He was seated at the desk in the living room, laptop open in front of him, thin, long-fingered hands tapping methodically across the keys.

It was late evening, and Sherlock would have been in bed about an hour ago if he was to get the exact amount of sleep necessary for his body to function effectively the following morning. But he was busy, and busy was good because it distracted his brain from the things it would think about when he wasn't busy. Things like Jim Moriarty, and the way he stood when he was irritated, and the lie of his hair against the nape of his neck, and the way he smirked when he wanted something, and the fact that he wasn't there and Sherlock didn't know where in the world he was or what he was doing or whether he missed Sherlock like Sherlock missed him.

In any case, this particular case was actually going rather well, and Sherlock wasn't in a hurry to stop having fun and go to bed. There was something endlessly satisfying about getting his teeth into a complicated case. John had cursed him for it when he disappeared bedwards several hours previously, muttering something about how he wasn't going to be the one to bring Sherlock coffee the next morning and deal with his sleep-deprived mood.

Sherlock was remembering this and chuckling to himself, thinking about the untouched tin of freshly-made cookies Mrs Hudson had deposited in the kitchen earlier in the day and wondering if he should pack it in for the night and retire to bed when he saw a familiar symbol blinking in the corner of his screen, making his heart leap and sink and turn sickening cartwheels in the pit of his stomach all at once. He accepted the call with a certain degree of apprehension, not before he'd checked his hair in the mirror by his desk and straightened the collar of his shirt. "Hello, Jim," he said.

Jim smiled, his gaze dropping to his clasped hands as he did so, dark lashes fanning his cheeks.

"You're about to ask me if i missed you," Sherlock said, preemptively.

"Well, did you?"

"Don't. I'm not in the mood."

Jim leaned back in his seat, stretching like a cat and yawning widely. "Well, aren't you in a charming mood. I thought you'd be in bed, anyway. Isn't it 1am where you are?"

Sherlock glanced at the little white numbers in the corner of his screen. "2am, actually."

"Naughty," Jim said, and Sherlock heard a hint of something that made him wish that Jim was a little closer than wherever he was.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"I can't tell you that." Jim stretched again, bones in his neck and back cracking obnoxiously. "Partly because I would have to kill you if i did, and that would be a bit of a shame, but also because i have no idea, and frankly i don't care."

Sherlock recognised this tone. It was cocky and arrogant, but also a bit lonely, a bit untethered. It worried him, just a little, a tiny, niggling doubt that reminded him that he wasn't sure he could trust jim to look after himself. "Come home," he said. "You've been away too long."

Jim rolled his eyes, chewing provocatively on a piece of gum. "Nahh. Home's boring. Not that you aren't fascinating, darling, but at the moment i'm in the middle of a delightfully complex and dangerous operation, and i wouldn't miss it for the world." He stretched again, this time cracking his wrists and fingers, slowly, deliberately, the ghost of a smile hovering around his lips.

"Please stop that," Sherlock said, his fingertips drumming the desk in front of him in irritation.

"Make me," Jim said, the smile morphing into a smirk, falling back against his seat, and all at once the air around Sherlock was fizzing with sparks, and his head was spinning slowly, heat flooding through his veins and pooling between his thighs.

"Jim," he said, his fingers clenching in the fabric of his trousers. "What are you doing?"

"You know what i'm doing, darling."

"But we can't.. not over this. You-"

"Oh really?" Jim pulled a gun from the inside pocket of his jacket, inspecting it thoughtfully, and Sherlock knew what he was going to do the moment before he opened his mouth, tongue sliding over the cold metal of the gun, his eyes closing momentarily with a low moan. He raised them to meet Sherlock's, before taking the whole of the barrel of the gun into his mouth, and Sherlock gritted his teeth, already painfully hard, his cock pressing up against the constricting material of his trousers. "Stop it," he said, half commanding, half pleading, but Jim only took the gun further into his mouth, gagging as it hit the back of his throat. A moan escaped Sherlock's lips, and he pressed them tightly together. "Take your shirt off."

Jim pulled the gun out of his mouth with a wet, slick noise that made Sherlock's dick twitch, grinning, shrugging off his suit jacket and tugging off his tie. Sherlock watched with eyes glued to the screen, expressionless, his mind churning, as Jim took hold of the bottom of his shirt with both hands and pulled it up over his head, exposing his stomach and then his chest, and then his face, confident, sexy and a little amused, his hair tousled, one eyebrow quirked upwards. "Happy?" He said.

Sherlock wasn't really sure what happened next; he'd never attempted anything remotely sexual over skype before. He wanted Jim with him now, solid and present and warm, so he could press his body hard against the nearest available surface and cover him with hot touches and kisses and do all the things he had learned to do so well. He wasn't sure what to do with a grainy image of Jim on his laptop screen small enough to cover with one hand.

Jim was unbuckling the clasp on his belt, leaving it to dangle down on either side of his chair, reaching into his boxers and pulling out his dick with a long, low sigh of satisfaction. "You can touch yourself," he said. "That's how this works."

Sherlock let out a breath, hands automatically reaching into his trousers, gasping as he pressed the heel of his hand to his bulge through his boxers. He looked back to Jim on the screen. Jim was sliding an elegant, long-fingered hand slickly up and down his length, twisting every so often around the head and sliding his thumb through the slit. He was trying to be quiet, suppressed moans spilling through the laptop speakers and fogging Sherlock's head. He knew that Jim wouldn't be quiet for long. He never could be.

"Make as much noise as you want," he said, catching Jim by surprise. "I like to hear you moan." At this Jim let out a low whine, his dick jerking in his hand. "Keep talking," he panted, breathless, cheeks tingeing with pink.

Sherlock reached into his boxers and took his own cock into his hand, burning, aching, lying red and hot in his palm. He began to move his hand along it, slowly at first. "I want you to tease yourself," he said, slowly, his voice sounding strange to his ears, low and gravelly and thick with desire. Jim moaned, slackening his pace with an effort, thighs shaking. "Mm-why?"

Sherlock ignored him. "I want you to stroke yourself slowly, yes, just like that, ugh, tease at your slit, fuck, you look so pretty like this-"

"Mmh," Jim moaned again, doing as Sherlock said without question to his surprise, his eyes heavy lidded and dark, his cock swollen and red in his hand.

"Go faster for me now," Sherlock said, growing in confidence, speeding up himself, feeling warmth flood the pit of his stomach, clouding his thoughts. "Does that feel good?"

"Y-ye-ugh! Yes it does," Jim managed, squinting at him through a haze, "feels so good, I- ugh-"

The sight and sound of Jim like this was unexpected, not something Sherlock had experienced before, and it made him want to take him apart slowly with his mouth. "I want to touch you," he said, "rub your cock hard and fast, fuck you so hard you can't stand. Would you like that?"

Jim nodded wordlessly, sweat dripping down his forehead, dick leaking precum, whimpers pouring from his mouth with every breath.

Sherlock was so close, teetering on the edge, losing his ability to form coherent sentences.

"Ugh- so good.. feels so good.. can you come for me baby?"

"Aaahh.. ugh.. fuck-" Jim jerked his hand a few more times and then came suddenly and violently with a desperate moan, shooting white stripes across his fist, tipping Sherlock over the edge with a deep groan. His body arched off the seat, knuckles whitening as he gripped the armrests, jaw clenching. "Fuck," he said, breathless, as it began to fade away to a pleasant hum of endorphins in his veins, and he opened his eyes to see Jim sprawled back in his chair, chest heaving, his hair a sweaty chaotic tumble, smirking up at him. "That was.. that was good."

Jim grinned, a lazy, satiated, genuine thing that lit up his face in a way that was unfamiliar but welcome. But then all too soon he was springing into action again, tension coiling it's way tightly back into his arms, his neck, his spine. "Anyway, i have a meeting to get to. Business; isn't it exhausting?" He was buckling up his trousers, straightening his tie, once again oozing Jim Moriarty-ness from every inch of his body.

"Wait," Sherlock said, emotions pushing through the fog in brain and demanding recognition.

Jim paused, raised one elegant eyebrow. "Yes, dearest?"

Sherlock sighed. "Maybe I did miss you. Just a little bit."

"That's good to know." Jim's tone was light, flippant, unconcerned, but Sherlock knew he wasn't; he rarely was. "Maybe see you around?"

Sherlock rolled his eyes. "Bye Jim."

"Bye, darling!" A wink, a cheeky wave, and then the webcam blinked out, silence settling heavily, comfortably over the room. Sherlock thought about the cookies again. He thought about tomorrow, already arriving in thick streaks of pink, painting the dimness of the dawn sky with a hazy glow, and about John, asleep in the room down the hall, who would wake up in a few hours to put the kettle on and heat up some porridge in the microwave and complain to Sherlock about whatever nonsense he found in the paper that morning. He thought about Jim, wherever he was, another land, another time, sitting down to his meeting at that very moment, exuding a calm sort of energy, hair still slightly ruffled, head probably full of a thousand things entirely unrelated to the meeting. He closed his laptop. He slept.

[violettemcon]

Circle’s end :: Jearmin College AU

SUMMARY:  Armin’s a welfare kid with a sordid past. Jean’s a prep school graduate living in the cushy upper middle class. Scholarships and the simple Privilege of the Rich grant them entry into the renowned Trost State University, and by the begrudging grace of Eren Jaeger, these two end up as roommates.

Author: azxrae 

Rating: mature 

Pairings: Jean/Armin + other side ships 

Chapters:6/28

Warnings: read tags on ao3

Read here

check out the first chapter below:

FRIDAY, JUNE 9TH: 3:19PM

Eren Jaeger peered at his best friend. Across from him, a rather distracted blonde was all but inhaling his steak burrito bowl. Delicate features wrought into what was presumed as bliss.

“How is it?” he asked with a grin.

“Mm—” Armin Arlert caught himself when he swallowed, a hand rising to cover his mouth while eyes widened in embarrassment.

“S’good.”

“Just good?” Eren chuckled tauntingly and dropped his own burrito into its basket.

The two had come to Chipotle straight after Eren and his mom picked Armin up from the train station. The blonde asked to eat there out of curiosity; they didn’t have Chipotle in Shiganshina, and he knew it was both Eren and Mikasa’s favorite place to eat. Armin wanted to experience the hype for himself.

That, and he was super hungry; he’d only had a bag of Doritos before the six-hour train ride into the city.  

“I’ve never brought anyone here who wasn’t in love,” Eren said matter-of-factly, “It’s like a rite of passage, ‘MIn. You come to Trost, you gotta eat Chipotle at least once.”

Armin fixed the brunet boy with a smile. “It’s yummy. Definitely some quality Mexican cuisine.”

Speaking with Eren face to face was certainly surreal but in the best way. It was nice not having to rely on a Skype call to get his attention for once. And those letters were always a hassle to keep exchanging. Of course, packed away in one of his moving boxes was a New Balance shoebox filled to the brim with each one he’d received from Eren, as well as Mikasa. Keeping the letters was mostly for sentimental value though; reading them over would’ve undoubtedly sent Armin right into depression.

He pushed his fork through his burrito bowl, trying to even-out the lettuce piled at the top.

“Hey, Eren?”

“Mm?”

Eren paused mid-chew. Beneath the table, the blonde poked Eren’s calf with the tip of his shoe.

“I really missed you… that’s all.”

The green-eyed boy’s gaze had softened. Clearly, he’d not expected Armin to get all emotional on him. But it was well-received – or at least it appeared that way by Eren’s smile growing and him poking right back under the table. 

“Aww, come on. You know I missed you too, ‘Min.” He reached across the table to give his hand a squeeze.

Armin was happy, but his bliss wasn’t what it could be, not when he had yet to reunite with the third of their trio. Mikasa was currently attending a dance camp another town over and wouldn’t be back until the end of the month. It was, to say the very least, unfortunate. Armin’s impatience to see her was becoming a nagging ache.

“I just wish Mikasa could be here…” The blonde puffed his cheeks out. “Feels incomplete without her, doesn’t it?”

Eren agreed with a nod. He tapped his phone’s screen and peeked down at the date. “But hey, only sixteen more days. And then ErenMikArmin will be back at it again.”

It was visibly difficult for Armin to keep his laughter in. Evidentially, Eren was still holding onto that ridiculous nickname he’d created for them in middle school. The blonde shook his head and rested his cheek on his palm, grinning.

“You’re the only one who calls us that for a reason, you dork.”

Eren’s lips turned into a grin of his own. He’d started to retort to Armin’s comment, but a call to his left promptly claimed his attention.

 “Yo! You on a date, Jaeger?”

Armin blinked at the unfamiliar voice. He looked over and up, meeting the questioning stare of a pair hazel-brown eyes – that belonged to a rather attractive boy if he should say so himself. This mystery boy had a smirk wiped over his lips, one that seemed to rouse irritation in Eren because he hopped from the stool the instant he noticed his presence.

The unnamed youth stood only an inch or two taller than Eren. He had dusty brown hair and a long face that one might compare to a horse if they were fishing for insults. But Armin thought he was handsome. Really handsome. He was clad in a pair of Adidas shorts and a muscle tee of the same brand. ‘Did he just come from working out?’ His limbs were thin, muscled and hung lean against his lanky build. Everything about his appearance was long.

“Fuck off, Jean. No.” Eren growled at the other male. “Did you forget my best friend was moving here in June? This is Armin.” He gestured to Armin with his hands.

This “Jean” character raised those perfectly-arched eyebrows – one of which had a barbell pierced into it – and tilted his head. “Oh yeah, Armin! That friend you and Mikasa talk about nonstop.”

There were faint hints of what was presumed as a French accent in Jean’s speech pattern, which was interesting.

Eren rolled his eyes. “He’s right here, dumbass.”  

Armin dabbed the corner of his lips with his napkin. He swung his stool around to face Jean and held out a small hand.

“Hello…. Jean, is it?” He smiled, hoping he wouldn’t notice just how shy he felt. “I’m Armin.”

The grin Jean wore broadened as he grasped Armin’s hand. Armin expected a callous feel but was instead greeted with soft, smooth skin. He noted the designer clothing he was wearing and suppressed a snort. ‘I bet he’s never worked a day in his life.’

“That’s me. Sorry, I was kinda rude, but it’s nice to finally meet you, Armin.”

Armin didn’t understand why he was suddenly so enamored by a complete stranger, but he was, and as he sipped his Cherry Coke, the boy felt his smile growing.

“You too.” He drummed his fingers on the side of his cup. “So, um, I’m amusing you’re French?”

Jean nodded. “Oui. Je m’appelle Jean Kirschstein,” he said it with a smirk, “My grandfather on my dad’s side is German, though. S’where the last name came from.”

“I highly doubt he cares about your lineage, Horse Face.” Eren clapped a protective hand on Armin’s shoulder, and the blonde playfully stuck his tongue out while biting back a giggle at the nickname.

“That’s for me to decide,” Armin said, “And I decide I care.”

Jean’s expression was triumphant as he peered at Eren. “As you should. Eren mentioned you’re staying here permanently, right? That means we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

Armin brought his drink up for a sip. He tried to put Eren’s scowl to the back of his mind, but it was difficult. The curiosity surrounding why he seemed to so intensely dislike him was there. But, knowing Eren, and with the bit of information he’d gathered about Jean, he couldn’t help but think it was something stupid.

“Maybe...” He cleared his throat and spoke up, “Maybe a lot more if... Well, are you going to be at Trost U in the fall?"  Jean had done well at making him feel comfortable enough to be more social. It was similar to the buzz a person got after having a drink at a party full of strangers.

“Ay, just so happens I am!” The words left him enthusiastically. 

“Really?” Amin lifted his head. “What’s your major?”

“Studio art. Yours?”

“Astrophysics.”

Jean whistled, clearly impressed. “Astro—? So, like, you wanna be an astronaut or what?”

“Um, no…” Armin shook his head, the corners of his mouth rising into a small grin. “I’d really like to just… study the cosmos and, in a perfect world, write books for NASA.”

The taller male was blatantly awestruck. “Cosmos? Sorry, I pretty much slept through astronomy in tenth grade.” He let out a sheepish chuckle. Armin didn’t understand how anyone could sleep through a science course (or any course, for that matter), but he didn’t speak on it. It would undoubtedly make him sound like a nerd. And, for some reason, he wanted to leave the best impression possible on Jean Kirschstein.

“It’s the universe, you idiot.” Eren returned to his seat and took another bite into his burrito.

“Eren, not everyone knows scientific terms...” Armin sighed.

“Yeah, Eren.” Jean punctuated the second syllable of his name. “No need to be a condescending ass.” When he looked back to Armin, his expression softened notably. “Armin, I’d love to talk to you about space one day. Though, it’d mostly be an info session since I don’t know much aside from the name of the planets.”

“Careful, Jean,” Eren warned, chuckling as he looked straight at Armin, “Armin might just take you up on that and talk your ear off. I know from experience.”

“Oh, hush.” Armin kicked the brunet’s shin under the table. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know a whole lot more about what goes on outside of our galaxy because of me.”

Eren didn’t even pretend the impact of Armin’s shoe hurt him. “You’re just proving my point, ‘Min. Once you get started about space, there’s no stopping you.”

“I don’t think I’d mind.” Jean leaned against the wall and crossed his foot over his ankle. “Yo, Eren, you bringin’ him to Karaoke Night?”

Armin’s attention piqued. He looked between the two boys questioningly.

“…Karaoke Night?”

“Yeah. Next Saturday. Our friends rented out a room at this sick karaoke bar downtown,” Jean informed him, “It’s a noraebang. A Korean karaoke joint. You should come since you’re gonna be going to uni with us. A friend of Eren and Mikasa’s is definitely a friend of ours.”

A sense of warmth settled in Armin’s chest at his words. Friends. He’d never really had many of those. Only Eren and Mikasa, and when they moved away Armin was, for the most part, alone. Sure he had his school peers, but he wouldn’t consider them actual friends. When it came down to it Armin spent a great deal of those years on his own. He never complained though. He always had his books and his grandpa, and that had been enough to sustain him.

Until now, at least.

“I’ll bring him.” Eren’s words brought Armin back. “Just so happens Armin's got an amazing singing voice.” The tanned boy shot his friend a smile, to which Armin blushed.

“Hey... don’t exaggerate."

Jean took a step forward when the line moved, but remained a close enough distance where he could keep his voice at a leveled volume.

“It’s a damn shame Mikasa’s still in Yalkell.”

“Dude.” Eren rolled his eyes at Jean for the second time that afternoon. “Let go of that crush already. As her brother, I can tell you she’s not interested.”

‘Crush?’ Armin’s eyes widened slightly, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit… well, actually, he didn’t know what he was feeling. He knew it wasn’t difficult to develop a crush on Mikasa, considering her appearance, and the fact that she was well…. Mikasa. Armin poked his tongue to his inner cheek.

‘I wonder… does that mean Jean’s interested in women? Exclusively?’

“Shut up, Jaeger,” Jean growled at him, “You know I left that shit behind ages ago. I was just saying, ‘cause she’ll miss Karaoke Night and it’s Squad tradition.”

“You guys… are in a squad?” Armin cocked an eyebrow in faint amusement.

“Yep.” Jean seemed proud to bestow this knowledge on him. “Consists of me, my best friend, his girlfriend, Eren, Mikasa and this little blond girl that looks freakishly like your female doppelganger.”

Eren nodded with a chuckle and surveyed Armin’s appearance. “Kris does look a lot like you, Armin. It’s actually weird.”

Armin took the final sips of his cola, huffing softly when he realized it was empty. He decided to focus on eating for the moment. He didn’t want his food to get cold. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jean push himself from the wall.

“Can I… ask where you’re staying, Armin? It’s kinda important.”

‘Why would my living arrangements be important to him?’ Both confused and curious, Armin licked away some lettuce from the corner of his mouth.

“Um…well, currently, I’m staying with Eren. But it’s temporary. I’d like to start renting a place in the student-housing district pretty soon,” Armin informed in his soft voice, waiting for Jean to elaborate on why he’d asked.

“Oh yeah?” The handsome boy inclined closer, interested. “That’s awesome news, because—”

“No.” Eren’s head whipped around instantly. “Don’t even suggest it.” He sent Jean a sub-zero glare, just as Armin’s brows raised in curiosity.

“Suggest what?” He blinked.

Jean crossed his arms and his lips fell into a smirk. The Apple smartwatch on his wrist lit up but he ignored it in favor of speaking to the boys before him.

“My best friend and I have been searching for a roommate.” His eyes were on Eren as he spoke. “We’ve got a pretty nice spread, and the rent’s hella cheap ‘cause it’s near campus.”

Armin could feel Eren’s hands grab his own, and he heard the growl he emitted, but he couldn’t help but consider it. It would be ideal to live with the Jaegers, but Armin was too prideful to lean on them any more than he already had. Being self-sufficient was more important to him than anything else. He would not allow himself to be a burden. 

“Wow, I’ll admit that sounds—”

“It sounds awful,” Eren cut in. “You’re not… really considering it, are you?” He looked to the blonde with pleading eyes.

Armin groaned, but he wouldn’t deny he looked horrendously adorable pouting at him like that.

“Eren…” He spoke sternly, but was sure to disarm him by taking larger hands in his own. “This is exactly what I’ve been looking for, and you know it. All that work I put in last year wasn’t for nothing. I’ve already saved up enough for a few months’ rent and I have a job. It’d be a good idea to put my finances towards something productive.” It had always pleased him to speak of things he knew would ultimately progress him in life.

Jean whistled again. “Sounds like you’ve got it made, Armin.” A taupe gaze shifted to Eren then. “I think he should at least come look at the place. It wouldn’t hurt.”

Truthfully, Armin was considering doing so whether Eren approved or not. His opinion mattered of course, but the boy was fully capable of making decisions for himself. As Jean had said, exploring his options couldn’t hurt.

“Jean, tell me more about the apartment, please.” Expectant eyes lifted to the taller male. 

Jean beamed, though he did seem hesitant when he stole another glance to his smartwatch. “How about you give me your number instead?”

The suggestion was unapologetically bold. Armin was stunned. He saw Eren grimacing out of the corner of his eye.

“I mean so I can text you and give you the details,” he elaborated, a sigh escaping after he said it. “I don’t think I can chat much longer, as much as I’d like to. Connie – that’s my best friend and your maybe-future-roommate too – very explicitly said he wants burrito waiting for him when he gets off work. He’s been texting me nonstop to make sure I don’t forget.” Jean looked up at the ceiling for a short while and then flicked his eyes back to Armin. 

“It’s weird, but for some reason, I’ve got a good feeling about you, Armin,” He said, smiling faintly, “We could FaceTime. And maybe I could give you a virtual tour?” Jean looked hopeful. Strangely, Armin found it to be kind of cute. He sunk his teeth into his lip and decided to focus instead on what his new acquaintance had said. A proposal for a new apartment on his first day in Trost. What were the odds? Honestly, it seemed a bit too good to be true, and Armin had always been rather pessimistic, (according to Eren at least – he’d just called it realism), but he supposed, for now, he’d go along with it. He could see no better choice but to do so, anyway.

Wordlessly nodding, he watched Jean retrieve his iPhone, unlocking the screen with his thumb. Armin quickly did the same and they exchanged mobiles.

“I can’t believe this,” Eren was saying as Armin’s phone chirped with a new text just an instant later. “You do realize he’s a fucking douche, don’t you?”

Armin huffed and looked down at the message. He punched in his contact as “Jean”, deciding he’d personalize it with an emoji when he got to know him a little better.

The taller boy seemed exasperated by Eren’s so very apparent repulsion at their exchange. Armin pocketed his phone and pushed his food across the table, walking around to sit next to him. He rubbed his arm gently.g

“I should probably go.” Jean stared at Eren momentarily, then he shot Armin another, smaller smile. “Nice meeting you Armin.” He began to walk backward towards the line, which had grown significantly shorter. “See y’all around.”

Eren waved his hand, and Armin returned the smile with an even brighter one.

“Bye Jean!”

Jean waved back before jogging off to order his food. When the smaller male turned back, Eren was staring at him with this smug, knowing look in his eyes.

“…What?”

“I saw that, Armin.”

Armin was confused. “Saw what?”

Eren reached behind him and held his nape, drawing him in so their foreheads were nearly touching. “You were giving that bastard googly eyes the entire fucking time.” He spoke in a low murmur.

“W-What?!” Armin practically squeaked and jerked backward, then remembered where they were and settled for a fierce whisper. “I was not!”

“You so were.” Eren’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You like him? Is that why you wanna room with him?”

Armin pushed his bangs out of his eyes, staring at his friend in disbelief. “No, I don’t like him. I just met him like fifteen minutes ago!”

That God-forsaken look persisted on Eren’s face, though. He swigged his Nantucket Nectar then returned his attention to Armin. “Do you at least…. think he’s cute?”

That was when Armin stopped short. He rested his elbows on the metal surface of the table, sinking his head into his palms dramatically. He really hoped that Jean hadn’t somehow acquired a superhuman hearing ability and was able to hear him from the other side of the restaurant.

“Maybe a little."

Eren scoffed, though he didn’t seem too surprised by this knowledge. “I really don't get that," he sighed, “How the hell can anyone find Jean Kirschstein cute?”

Armin was digging through what remained of his burrito bowl, avoiding eye contact with that intense, marble-eyed stare.

“From what I’ve seen, he seems to be… nice.”

Eren rolled his eyes. "That's just 'cause he has yet to rub his dickery all over you."

Armin curved his brow upward. “Why do you hate him so much?”

Eren shrugged. “I don’t… hate him. I’ve known him since I moved here and he’s in my circle of friends. Guess our personalities just clash sometimes.” He bit his lip. “Most of it's just playful bantering. It’s what we’re used to, I guess.”

“Oh.” Armin nodded thoughtfully. For a while, they finished up their food in silence. Armin reached into the shared bag of chips and dipped one into the guacamole.

“Yo, 'Min." 

He looked over at Eren curiously. “What’s up?”

The other boy leaned in a bit closer to him. His voice had grown quiet again. “If… if you do become his roommate,” He looked almost shy then – which was certainly a cute look on him. Armin bit back a smile.

“—you won’t start to like that bastard more than me, will you?”

The blonde blinked at the question. The notion of him liking anyone more than Eren was entirely ridiculous, and he should know that. Armin suddenly felt inclined to smack him upside the head for asking something so stupid.

“You’re seriously asking that?” Armin shook his head, poking lightly to the side of Eren’s cheek. “Don’t be ridiculous, you dummy. You should know by now. You’re the only guy for me.” His tone was playful but the words were deathly serious.

“Good.” Eren was clearly satisfied by the reassurance. He squeezed the boy’s arm gently.

“Let’s hope it stays that way.”

- - -

THURSDAY, JUNE 15TH: 2:45PM

Jean had been right when he said the apartment was nice. It had sufficient space, with three moderately-sized bedrooms as well as a living area, and an open kitchen with an island-bar to serve as a dining space. There was one bathroom at the very back of the apartment. Compared to a place not so close to campus, the rent was cheap. But it was definitely on the luxurious end of things.

Of course, the decision to live there was made quickly. After all the paperwork was finalized, Armin began moving his stuff in. The lot of his things that he didn’t immediately need was kept in the Jaegers’ storage, though, so the process seemed to breeze by. Armin wouldn’t deny he enjoyed spending time with Jean and Connie whenever they were hanging around the apartment.

It was all so surreal to Armin, and the feeling hadn’t worn off, not even on the following Thursday when Armin gripped his brand new key (wrapped in a Trost University holder) and fitted it into the lock of Room 305.

He paused when a hand touched his shoulder.

“Y’know, It’s not too late to change your mind and come live with me instead,” Eren said. The seriousness of his tone provoked the softest of laughs from Armin. Of course, he’d make such an offer when Armin’s mind was already completely made up.

“It actually kinda is.” He turned to smile apologetically at the other boy. He’d admit it was endearing how clingy he was to him, but Eren had to know this would be good for him. Armin had always craved a life where he relied minimally on the support of other people. Renting an apartment – even if he currently was sharing it with two guys – was a start along that path.

“But hey,” Armin looked up at him, “We can still see each other at school. And work. Remember that.”

Eren grumbled, but it was the truth. After his graduation Eren had been in dire need of a job, so his friend found work for him waiting tables at Olive Garden, a job Armin had for several months before he moved to Trost and was relocated.

“School doesn’t start until the end of August.” Eren pouted slightly. “That’s like a whole two months of not constantly being in each other’s presence.”

“We managed it before,” Armin reminded. He closed his eyes at the memory of those years spent without his best friends. He couldn’t be more thankful that they were going to the same university in the fall, honestly; there was so much lost time that had to be made up for.

“I don’t know how we did.” Eren took the liberty of opening the door while Armin swallowed down his anxiety. His eyes were immediately drawn to the side of the den, where Jean stood at his easel. His back faced them and he was singing rather loudly to some grunge song blaring from the kitchen.

“Yo Horse Face! Stop being a tool for a second, will ya?” Eren rolled his eyes and walked in front of Armin, tossing the overnight bag he’d been holding at the couch. The noise made Jean jump and spin around, nearly dropping his pallet in the process. He narrowed his eyes.

“Mother fuck— you’re early.” Sitting his art utensils on the stool, he wiped his hands on his smock and strode over. 

“I definitely was not expecting you to bring him, Armin.”

“I needed an extra hand. Couldn’t lug all this stuff over here by myself.” Armin smiled and surveyed the perimeter of the room. He set his bag of pillows down in front of him.

“You’re here alone?” 

“Yeah.” Jean looked down at his pillows, then back at Armin’s face. “Connie went grocery shopping.”

Eren laughed and leaned on the arm of the couch. “Connie went grocery shopping?”

“By that I mean he went to go restock our ramen supply." 

“Sounds more like him.”

The guy in question, Connie Springer, was their third roommate and also Jean’s best friend. Armin always thought he was short for his age – being the smallest in his graduating class and practically dwarfed next to Eren – but when he met Connie he was stunned. He could see why he was close to Jean though; they were both ridiculously dorky but in the most endearing way. That and he was really nice. Something told him he was the one that kept Jean in check most of the time.

The blonde ran a hand through his hair and joined Eren on the couch. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” He nudged him lightly with his thigh.

“Are you kicking me out, ‘Min?” Eren feigned a sob, his legs kicking up on the coffee table. “I’m hurt.”

Jean scowled at him. “This isn’t your house, Jaeger.”

“It’s not yours either, Kirschstein,” Eren said matter-of-factly, a small chuckle following. “It’s the landlord’s.”

“Aunt Carla said she wanted you back before three.” The softness left Armin’s voice, and he looked at his friend sternly. “You do remember that, right?”

“Mommy setting a curfew for you now?” Jean walked back to his easel and picked up his pallet to check if any paints had dried out.

“Fuck off, you bastard,” Eren hissed, “There are relatives over and she wants me there.”

Armin hoisted him by the arm and they stood together. “Go home, Eren.” He walked behind him, lightly pushing him towards the door. “I don’t want your mom flipping out at you.”

Eren turned to him and sighed beneath his words. “Fine, fine. I’ll leave. But if Jean does anything shady call me. I’ll be over like that.” He snapped his fingers on the last word to emphasize just how serious he was.

“Everything will be fine. Promise.” Armin smiled reassuringly at his friend and patted his arm. His eyelids fell when Eren began messing his hair, then he very lightly kissed his temple.

“I’ll see you at work tomorrow, okay?” The blonde’s eyes opened again after a pause.

“Sure thing, Armin.” Eren poked the tip of his nose, not bothering to say anything to Jean as he left the apartment. Once he was gone Jean sighed dramatically and returned his attention to his easel.

“Good fuckin’ riddance.”

Armin only smiled at that. He knew Jean and Eren thought fondly of each other, despite the constant verbal abuse. That much was made clear when he looked at the pinboard of Polaroids posted above the TV. At the center was a photo of Jean, Connie and Eren that he presumed was taken a few weeks before at their graduation. Eren was in the middle and Jean and Connie both had their arms draped over his shoulders. All three of them had wide smiles painted over their lips. Armin thought it was adorable, but it did make him kind of sad. He’d graduated early so he never got to experience anything like that; all he’d gotten was his diploma in the mail and a congratulatory letter from the principal.

Armin sighed at the memory. It was in the past, so there wasn’t a need to dwell on it. He walked back from the door and crossed the room to stand a few feet away from Jean.

“What are you painting?”

The taller youth smiled, though his eyes remained on his work. “My parents’ anniversary is coming up. They spent their honeymoon in Venice so… I’m painting a Venetian cityscape.” he told him, “Y’know how there are those canals running between the buildings there? The hotel they stayed at was like that. I’m trying to recreate it for them.”

Armin craned to see the painting and was impressed. Jean’s artistic talent was far beyond his expectations. There was so much detail, and the portion of it that was painted was so vibrant. For that moment, Armin couldn’t take his eyes away. He admired it with a silent smile.

“Also,” he continued, “peonies are my mom’s favorite flower so, in front of one of the buildings, there’s a pot of those. See?” He pointed to the little flower pot with the tip of a long finger. Armin’s eye followed.

“Jean, this is amazing,” the blonde commended excitedly. “You’re so talented! And this gift… it’s so thoughtful! Your parents will love it for sure.”

Jean wordlessly eyed the piece. "You think?"

"Yes, I think,"  Armin said, nodding earnestly. 

Jean snapped his pallet shut and dropped his paintbrush into a cup of water. 

“Thanks, Armin. It really means a lot to hear that.” His tone was sheepish as he untied his smock and pulled it off his body. "Yo really have no idea." 

The blonde’s smile grew a fraction. “You’re very welcome, Jean.”

The taller boy scanned over Armin’s appearance for a second, then met blue eyes.

“So, uh… hey, I… made some iced tea earlier. Do you want some? I need another person’s opinion on the taste and Con’s not here.”

The offer made Armin nod with sudden fervor. Tea was his all-time favorite beverage, hot or cold. He didn’t think there was a time when he wasn’t in the mood to drink it, truly.

“I’d love to have some.” He tucked some hair behind a pierced ear. “Tea is, like, my favorite thing to drink ever.”

Jean peered down at him, chuckling. “Well damn. Armin. Now your opinion's gonna be biased.” He walked past him into the kitchen. Armin instinctively followed.

“I promise it won’t be!” he said while plopping onto a stool at the island counter. When Jean turned to him, Armin’s eyes held unwavering intensity. The idea of not having the tea wasn’t something he was willing to accept.

Jean chuckle grew into a broad laughter. “Shit… don’t look at me like that. I wasn’t gonna deprive you.” The assurance came gently. Armin observed him approach the fridge and produce a plastic pitcher when he opened the door. The taller boy had a tiny smile on his lips whilst pouring the darkened liquid into a glass he’d acquired from the cupboard.

“Here you are, my good sir.” Jean slid the tea over to him.

“Thank you.” Armin smiled and lifted the cup to his mouth. As he sipped it, he let his mind wander, and found himself thinking of Eren’s actions before he left. He knew his friend had a tendency to get overprotective, so the wariness wasn’t unlike him. Armin wondered if it was warranted, though. Something was telling him he’d get along living with Jean and Connie just fine, and he was an excellent judge of character.

But he knew there was something that could pose a problem if he let it. Jean happened to be the hottest guy he’d seen in a while. That was, to say the least, unnerving. Armin would just have to be thankful repression was one of his greatest talents. It was a sad thought, he knew, but there was no way someone so filthy was deserving of anyone.

Armin stared into his glass, hoping his features remained composed despite where his mind had gone. The blonde took another sip of tea to calm himself, suddenly remembering why he was drinking it in the first place.

“This tea is delicious, Jean,” the boy complimented, sending him a smile when he looked up. “It’s not too sweet or too bitter. It’s just right.”

At that, Jean looked something akin to a dog who’d just been told they did something right and received a treat for it.

“Yeah?” He grinned. “I’m glad you think so, Armin.”

‘He’s cute.’ It was becoming apparent that Armin wasn’t doing as well at controlling his thoughts as he’d like, but saying those things within the protection of his mind... That was okay. That had to be okay.

‘I’m completely allowed to think something harmless like that.’ The blonde rested his cheek on his fist and sighed to himself.

Jean seemed oblivious to the goings-on of Armin’s mind, which was fortunate. He smiled at him and poured a glass of tea for himself.

“So hey, after this, would’dja like some help unpacking?” he asked. “Pretty sure I’ve got an empty storage bin that’s perfect for under-the-bed space somewhere around here...” Jean lifted his tea up to his lips. “You can use if you like.”

Armin was prepared to deny the help even though he knew he needed it, but he made himself stop. The honesty of Jean’s smile was a little unsettling, as was how fixated the blonde suddenly became on watching the bob of his Adam’s apple whilst he swallowed his tea.

‘I really need to chillax. I’m not some rabid animal...’ Armin tore his eyes away. He remembered reading somewhere that victims of… what he went through often acted out in terms of seeking sexual partners. Armin may not have been doing something as extreme as that, but this effect Jean was having on him at such an early stage was definitely something to worry about.

“Yeah, sure thing,” he said despite the minor inner turmoil. He put on his most convincing smile and downed the remainder of his tea.

Jean beamed. “Awesome!” He too finished off his tea and carried both their cups to rinse in the sink. He was placing them in the dishwasher when Armin moved to grab his belongings from the living room, then together they exited the space and made for Armin’s bedroom at the very front of the hall.

[crescendohowell]

and when you start to feel the rush

Summary: dan’s never had sex with a boy and he wonders what it’s like.  phil says that he can show him. (literally just 2009 first time porn with minimal plot)

Word Count: 5.9k

Warnings: smut (blowjob, butt sex ya know the whole deal), swearing

A/N: i literally haven’t written in almost two months but for some reason i felt possessed to write practically 6k words of porn in two days so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who even knows at this point tbh (title from Heaven in Hiding by Halsey)

ao3 link

Dan had never really been so sure about liking boys.  Sure, he had identified as bisexual for a few years now and he liked the way that felt.  It certainly seemed like a label that fit when he thought about all the cute boys he saw in movies and a couple that he had brief crushes on over the years.  But more often than not it seemed like the other boys his age were too brash and loud.  And yeah, most of the time he was like that, because after all, he was young too.  They were all just trying to figure things out and they would probably calm down with age.  

Nevertheless, this made Dan feel like he would never actually like a boy enough to want to date one.  He wanted someone that he could have an emotional connection with too, not just something physical like all the boys he met at parties seemed to want.

It was no surprise really when he latched onto Phil’s youtube channel.  He was older, perfectly so, and he was all the things that Dan thought were interesting about boys.  He was creative and thoughtful, not to mention breathtakingly gorgeous, and Dan couldn’t stop spending all of his time watching Phil’s videos.  He didn’t ever think that anything would come of it, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t hope.

Yet somehow, against all odds, him and Phil started talking.  Dan wasn’t sure how he ever got that lucky, but somehow him and Phil started skyping multiple times a weeks, for hours on end, and Dan didn’t think that he would fall for Phil so much more, but every time they talked, he found endless new reasons to.

The only thing was now Dan felt like the one that was much too young.  Instead of feeling like he was too old for the other person, Dan became painfully aware of how much more life experience Phil had than him in so many different ways.  Christ, Dan even knew a couple other guys Phil’s age who had a child. If they were older the age gap would matter less, but now, as only an eighteen year old, Dan couldn’t help worrying about it.  What would happen when Phil realised he didn’t want to be friends with a kid?

Of course Phil didn’t care about that.  He had his own worries about people thinking that he was taking advantage of Dan when really all Phil cared about was getting to better know the person that he knew was meant to be his best friend.  There was never actually any concern about Dan’s age from Phil himself because he so quickly knew that there was something different about Dan.  Even when Dan did things that were a little immature, Phil didn’t mind because he remembered being young and clueless.

As they continued to talk, their friendship started to get a little more than friendly.  Dan was thrilled by this development and even though he tried to push it as little as possible, Phil was very aware of how many feelings Dan had towards him.  He thought it was endearing.  Besides, Phil couldn’t help falling for Dan.  Dan was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen, and Phil couldn’t wait until he was able to touch him in person.

Dan would remember the first conversation him and Phil had about sex for a long time.  He had been curious about what Phil would have to say on the topic for a while.  One of the best parts of their friendship was that Phil never censored himself around Dan, and Dan loved that he got to see the unedited version of Phil. He loved that Phil would trust him with anything.

In return, Dan felt comfortable enough to talk with Phil about whatever he could think of.  He had had several conversations with friends in the past about sex, but that had been much more nervous and had been pretty restricted to straight sex.  Dan was really curious what it would be like to actually hook up with another guy as he had never actually done anything with any of the guys he had flirted with.

“Is it different?” Dan asked Phil one night when they were talking over skype.  “I mean obviously it is I guess.  You have had sex with a boy, right?”  They had talked about Phil’s past relationships a little but never this specifically.

“Yeah,” Phil smiled a little.  It was moments like this when he felt so much older.  Still, it was nice knowing that Dan felt okay with asking him this kind of stuff. “I mean, I don’t know if I can describe it, but it’s really good.  I’ve only had sex with one guy, the one I dated a while back.”  Dan nodded, Phil had mentioned him before.  “And I was super nervous at first but there was really no need to be.  As long as you’re comfortable with the person and can communicate it’s no different than it would have been with your girlfriend.”

Dan internally cringed a little at the mention of his girlfriend.  They had only had sex a couple times and it had always been painfully awkward.  It had gotten a little better but not really to the point where it was actually enjoyable.  “What if it wasn’t so good with my girlfriend?” Dan asked, letting out a short laugh.

“You’ll get better at it.” Phil laughed a little too.  

“Oh so it’s a problem with me?” Dan pretended to be insulted.

“Oh yeah, for sure,” Phil rolled his eyes.

“Maybe you’ll just have to be the one to show me how to really do things then,” Dan joked without really thinking.

“Maybe I will,” Phil answered completely seriously, sobering up as soon as Dan said that because it was impossible to not think of it seriously once Dan brought the idea up.  Phil had been having dreams about Dan that were not so innocent for weeks now and he had tried to banish them from his thoughts as much as possible, but hearing Dan actually say those words made it difficult to stop his face from flushing a little bit.

Dan blushed too, he could feel his heart seize up a little at the possibility.  He had liked Phil for so long, sometimes he forgot that things might actually happen in the future.  The thought was almost too much to bear.

“Besides,” Phil decided to continue, because fuck it, they were already here and Dan had shared some of his thoughts, why shouldn’t Phil share some of his?  “I’ve only topped before and I always wanted to try bottoming.”

“Fuck,” Dan couldn’t help but mutter under his breath because that too was a visual impossible to ignore.  “Don’t know if I can be of much help with that one.”  He couldn’t stop the insecurities that he would never be able to offer Phil as much as he wanted from creeping in.

“Mm, I think with a little instruction you could manage it.” Phil smirked. “Maybe after a demonstration or two.”

“Bloody hell, Phil,” Dan voice was shakier than he would have liked but he didn’t really have any control over that at this point.  “We need to stop talking about this right now otherwise I’m gonna have to end this skype call early.”

“You brought it up,” Phil decided that he quite liked teasing Dan like this.  “Besides, it’s not my fault you’re a honry teenager who can’t conrol yourself.”

“Oh really old man?” Dan tried to come up with something to say in response even though everything Phil seemed to say was only making the situation worse.  

“Is that all you’ve got?” Phil questioned when Dan didn’t continue.

“You’ve made it really had to think,” Dan protested, falling back onto his pillows and staring at the ceiling because looking at Phil’s face wasn’t helping either.  Even though he knew Phil would never admit it, Dan knew that Phil was at least a little worked up too.  His eyes looked different even through the shitty webcam.

“You’ve gotta come visit,” Phil said, in a softer voice this time.  It wasn’t just lust anymore, there was also a lot of longing.  Phil wanted to meet Dan just as much as Dan wanted to meet Phil and he would have bought a ticket months ago if Dan didn’t keep protesting that his parents would kill him if Phil showed up.

“I know,” Dan replied, still staring up at the ceiling.  “Soon.”

And that was enough to get them off the topic of sex and onto other things that they ended up talking about for another two hours.  By the time that they finally hung up the skype call, Dan could feel his eyes drooping with tiredness.  His movements felt slow as he reached to turn of the light and pulled the covers close around him.  He told Phil everything but he hadn’t told Phil that the real reason he was scared for them to meet in person was because he hadn’t told his parents about Phil.  He knew how they would react to him telling them about an internet friend, especially one that was so much older.  He knew that he needed to get over that and tell them anyways, because if everything went to plan there was no way that Phil was going to be leaving his life anytime soon.  Tomorrow, he promised himself.  He would tell them tomorrow.  

But tomorrow came and went, as it always did.  It was easy to promise himself that at night but in the mornings, with his parents asking him if he had met any nice girls recently, it was always so much harder.  In fact it took 36 more tomorrows until Dan finally brought Phil up.  

After that it only took 10 more days before the train tickets were booked and a countdown began.  Dan couldn’t believe it.

Their meeting at the train station was beyond words being able to describe.  The whole thing passed in such a blur and Dan felt like he was going to pass out the entire time.  The only part he could remember perfectly was the feeling of finally being in Phil’s arms when they hugged.  Phil smelled like boy and raspberry and his body felt so solid against Dan’s.  Dan had never thought that he would be so emotional about a hug, but he could barely stop himself from crying because after everything being so distant for so long, it was finally in reach.  And that was the most beautiful feeling.

Dan had been a little worried that once they were in the same place they wouldn’t be able to keep the conversation going for some reason.  He half thought that Phil would finally realise how boring of a person he was.  It would be impossible to keep up the charade that he was actually interesting in real life, right?

But it turned out Dan had nothing to worry about as they talked just as easily as they had over skype.  Instead of meeting Phil for the first time, it really felt like Dan was just seeing one of his best friends he hadn’t seen in a little while.

Their first kiss was at the top of the Manchester eye.  Dan half wished that he had never kissed anyone before so that it could’ve been his first kiss ever.  It was the kind of kiss that deserved a spot in the marked history of his life.  So Dan decided that if it couldn’t be the first then it would just have to be penciled in as the best.  He couldn’t stop smiling in the minutes following it and Phil told him that was adorable. So Dan leaned in and kissed him again.

On the way back to Phil’s apartment, Dan couldn’t help but think about sex.  Because this was only their first date, actually technically this wasn’t anything at all, they hadn’t labelled it yet.  But it seemed like a first date, and that was much too soon to do anything.  But also they had been talking for so long and god, Dan was a horny teenager after all.  Phil knew that too.  Would it really be so bad if they were to do something more than a couple chaste kisses?

“Do you wanna make out some more?” Phil asked almost as soon as the door was closed.

“Thank god, I was hoping you would ask.” Dan practically melted.

That was how they ended up on Phil’s couch, Dan practically sitting in Phil’s lap.  Their lips were stained red and cheeks a similar colour, as Dan tried his best to shift his body away from Phil’s so that Phil wouldn’t be able to feel how hard he was.  But then Phil had to go and move and all of a sudden Dan’s dick was pressing on his thigh.  Even through the layers of clothes, it was still enough sensation to make Dan let out a choked moan, and definitely enough for Phil to notice.

“A little excited?” Phil smiled as he stopped kissing Dan to talk.

“Fuck,” Dan squeezed his eyes shut as he tried not to move his hips at all, ignoring how easy it would be to just grind against Phil’s thigh.

“It’s okay,” Phil shifted again.  “It’d be impossible not to be.” He lined their crotches up so that Dan could feel how hard he was too.

The shock of that was enough to get Dan to open his eyes again as he looked at Phil almost in disbelief, because he had done that.  He was the reason that Phil was hard and the idea of that was so incredible. It felt weird having another guy’s dick pressed against his, but Dan found that it felt much less strange than he had been anticipating.  “Can I?” Dan experimentally moved his hips so that he was grinding down on Phil.

“Shit,” Phil swore under his breath.  “Yeah, that’s good.” He shifted again so that Dan could be at a better angle and oh god, Phil hadn’t felt this horny in a long time.  And while dry humping probably would have been more than enough, Phil pulled back after only a few moments.  “Wait,” he tried to catch his breath enough to talk.  “I wanna touch you. Need more than this.”

Dan had been ready to protest when Phil moved away but suddenly he had never been more okay with anything in his life.  Hearing Phil say that was almost enough to make him come on the spot.  The want in his voice was the hottest thing Dan had ever heard.  “Yeah, yeah,” Dan scrambled off Phil so that they could move to the bedroom.  “Sounds like a good idea.”

“Yeah,” Phil smiled up at Dan, his eyes full of fondness for a moment.  He had forgotten that this was the first time Dan would be with another guy and the slight bit of nerves showing through reminded Phil of what Dan must be feeling.

“Are you coming or what?” Dan sassed, as he offer a hand to pull Phil up.

Phil accepted it, standing up.  “Yeah,” He paused to kiss Dan, long and deep.  “Just admiring the view.”

It didn’t take long for them to make it to Phil’s bed.  Jeans were shed along the way and the bottle of lube and the condom that Phil had made sure were in his bedside drawer beforehand were taken out.  

Dan paused for a moment as he went to take off his shirt.  He had always had a lot of issues with body image and even though lately they had been getting a little better he was always painfully aware of the pudge on his stomach and the stretch marks on his thighs.

“What?” Phil paused after shrugging off his own shirt when he saw how Dan had frozen.

“Nothing,” Dan forced himself to start moving again because god, if there was anything motivating in the world it would have to be Phil Lester shirtless.  After seeing that all Dan could think about was how perfect Phil looked.  Once they got the rest of their clothes off, Dan reached forward.  He ran his hand over Phil’s chest, skimming his fingers over his nipples and watching as they hardened at his touch.

“Fuck. Feels good.” Phil sucked in a breath when Dan did that, his words coming out breathy.  

“Wouldn’t have thought you’d be so sensitive there.” Dan loved feeling like he was able to make Phil lose control.  Phil, who was always so grown up and measured in his actions (as compared to Dan anyways).  He probably would have continued exploring this newfound weakness, seeing how far he could take it, had Phil not offered up something else.

“You’ve never gotten a blowjob from a boy before, right?” Phil asked.  He knew the answer but he just wanted to see Dan’s shock at his words.

And he wasn’t disappointed because Dan’s eyes widened a little at how direct the question was and all he could manage was a nod of the head confirming that no, he hadn’t.  

“Well,” Phil began, as he started to trail lower, pressing kisses down Dan’s body from his neck to his stomach until he was so close that Dan thought he might pass out.  “They’re even better then from girls.”

Dan could feel Phil’s breath on his dick and he knew that Phil was doing this to tease him.  

“Because I know.” Phil pressed a kiss right at the base of Dan’s dick.  “Exactly how it feels.” He licked a stripe up along Dan’s cock and Dan couldn’t help but moan.

“What the fuck,” Dan covered his eyes with his hand because this was the most intense thing he had ever felt and he felt like he might come before Phil even properly got his mouth on him.  

Phil seemed to understand this because he pulled back for a moment, just to give Dan a second to calm down.  “Let me know when you’re good.” He offered.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan moved his hand and opened his eyes again. “I think-” He started but stopped mid sentence because Phil was jerking himself off and Dan hadn’t realised that was what he was doing but it was so hot.  Dan had never thought that he would be one to think that a dick could be attractive but fuck, Phil’s cock in his hand was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

“Like what you see?” Phil couldn’t resist teasing, running his thumb over his slit just to make it even more intense.  Really he had just been catching up to the point Dan was at, but if it made Dan this breathless, Phil wasn’t complaining.

“You’re unreal,” Was all Dan could muster in response and maybe it was supposed to sound like an insult, but Dan couldn’t really be bothered to work up enough of a sarcastic tone so instead it just sounded soft.  

“I mean, I think we all know you’re the real beauty here,” Phil couldn’t resist complimenting Dan right before leaning forward again and taking all of Dan’s cock into his mouth so that any protesting would be impossible.

“Christ,” Dan moaned.  Phil’s mouth was so hot and wet and yeah, Dan remembered blow jobs feeling good, but this was a whole other level.  

Phil ran his tongue over Dan’s slit as he bobbed his head.  He moved Dan’s hand so that it was tangled in his hair.  Phil liked it the feeling of Dan holding him there.

Meanwhile, Dan was just trying to process what was happening because it was so much all he could really tell was that everything felt so good.  He couldn’t tell if he was making any noises and he couldn’t be bothered to worry about if he was doing anything embarrassing.  All he knew was he was holding on to Phil for dear life and he couldn’t even warn before he was about to come because it hit him all of a sudden, washing over his body in washes of a pleasure as he let out a choked shout, repeating Phil’s name as Phil worked him through it, swallowing around him without flinching.

“Fucking hell,” Dan breathed out softly as Phil moved back up so they could kiss again.  Dan could taste himself on Phil’s lips and maybe that should have been gross but instead it felt incredibly hot and Dan couldn’t stop thinking about how it should have been impossible that he, out of all people, would end up with a boyfriend as hot as Phil.  “That was amazing.”  He wanted to make sure that Phil knew how good that had felt.

“I’m glad,” Phil smiled, a little amused at the fact that Dan had been so mind blown by a blow job and the fact that he had come almost instantly.  Still, it wasn’t exactly the worst thing for his ego to know that it had been that good for Dan.  Besides, it wasn’t like Phil hadn’t got anything out of it either, because all of Dan’s noises had been incredibly hot and Phil was more turned on now than he had been in a very long time.  “Do you think that you could be up for a second round?” Phil was almost hesitant to ask - he didn’t want to rush things along - but Dan was young enough that Phil knew he would recover from his first orgasm within a couple minutes.

“God,” Dan hadn’t thought that’d be something that he wanted but as soon as Phil mentioned it, Dan could feel his dick begin to react again with interest.  

“After you catch your breath of course.” Phil made sure that was clear.  He had enough self control to be able to wait, after all some things got a lot easier to control with age.

“Yeah, sure,” Dan let his eyes flutter shut as he tried to regulate his breathing like Phil said.  He could feel his heart fluttering, though he wasn’t sure if that was all because of the blow job.

Dan had actually been quite concerned about having sex with men at all only about a year ago.  When he was first figuring out that he might be bisexual, he had been horrified by the idea of anything going near his ass, let alone someone putting their entire cock in their.  He had thought that he would be the one to top if he did ever get with a boy and then maybe it would be okay.

But lying here with Phil, and after talking about it on skype, Dan found that he didn’t really want to top at all, certainly not right now at least.  He liked the way that Phil had taken control of everything so far and he was certain that Phil would make things feel really good for him.  Besides, Dan had got over the fear at least a little after some, let’s call it, self exploration.  He had a pretty good idea of how this was going to work out and it actually it hardly seemed terrifying at all.  Instead his heart was fluttering from excitement.

“Alright,” Dan broke the silence after a moment, “I’m good.”  He opened up his eyes again and looked up at Phil, breaking out into a smile that showed both his dimples.

“You’re the cutest.” Phil couldn’t resist kissing each of Dan’s cheeks.

“No! I’m supposed to be sexy,” Dan pretended to be offended.

“Oh don’t worry sweetheart, you’re most definitely that too.” Phil replied without skipping a beat.  He said that as he leaned over Dan to grab the bottle of lube off the bedside table.

While the sight of Phil’s arm muscles as he leaned over to grab the lube were enough to distract Dan for a second, they weren’t quite enough to completely stop a last minute swell of panic.  “You’ll go slow, right?” Dan couldn’t stop a little bit of the fear from creeping into his voice as Phil opened the bottle and began to warm some of the lube up on his fingers.

“Of course,” Phil kissed Dan deeply to reassure him for a moment.  “Just let me know if you want me to stop at anytime.”

“Alright.” Dan let out a shaky breath.  He trusted Phil with his whole heart and so even though half of him wanted to run away, he knew that everything was going to be fine.

“You ready?” Phil asked as he moved so that he was inbetween Dan’s legs.

“Yeah,” Dan spread his legs further apart in response.  It felt incredibly vulnerable to have Phil sitting there, seeing him like this, and Dan half wanted to close his legs out of embarrassment.  But instead he willed himself to relax and focused on the undeniable anticipation that was building in his chest.

Phil started slowly with one finger.  He used his other hand to stroke Dan’s dick, which was already most of the way back to being completely hard.  Still, the stimulation there was a pleasant distraction from the feeling of intrusion that already felt so much more intense that Dan was expecting.  It was just that Phil’s finger felt so different inside of him than Dan’s own had felt.  It wasn’t worse or anything, it just made Dan desperately want more.  Normally he would take his time with one finger before trying to add a second, but now Dan felt that he couldn’t wait.

“Another.” He voiced his opinion, unable to stay quiet.  His voice already sounded like he was on the verge of begging with how much want there was in it.

Phil gave him a look of a amusement for a moment before slipping in a second finger.  There was a bit of resistance at first, but Dan remembered to relax and in a moment Phil was able to move both fingers in and out with ease.  His fingers weren’t quite as long as Dan’s and he seemed to be always just brushing against the spot that Dan knew would make him practically jump off the bed.

“Phil,” Dan moaned, trying to push his hips up to meet his fingers.  “Deeper.”

“Not yet.” Phil removed his fingers completely and Dan was left clenching on nothing, desperately wanting something so that he could feel that full feeling that they hadn’t even reached yet.

“W-what?” Dan protested immediately.  “What are you doing?”  He needed Phil’s fingers back inside of him immediately, he had just been beginning to feel the pleasure getting more intense.  Having Phil’s hand on his dick and and his other inside of him all at once was something that Dan hadn’t expected to feel so good.

“You’re getting too excited too fast.” Phil was just jerking Dan off agonizingly slowly now.  It probably couldn’t even be called jerking off at this point giving how slow his hand was moving.  He just didn’t want Dan to come again so soon.  Phil’s cock was aching and he knew that if Dan came again now then he would have to settle for a hand job or a blow job.  No, Phil was determined to make sure that Dan was both properly stretched and also not too excited that he wouldn’t be able to last.

“I promise I won’t come yet.” Dan caught onto what Phil was doing.  He wasn’t sure if he would actually be able to stop himself from coming but damn it was worth saying if that was enough to get Phil to start again.

“Well if you promise,” Phil smirked before tracing his finger around Dan’s rim, the light pressure driving him crazy.

Dan let out a string of curse words.  “Phil, please.” His voice broke slightly.

Luckily that seemed to be enough to finally get Phil to comply with what Dan wanted because suddenly Phil’s fingers were back in Dan, scissoring and going deeper than they had before.

“Oh god.” Dan moaned as Phil hit his prostate, making Dan see stars.  “That feels so fucking amazing, please don’t stop.”

And this time Phil didn’t, instead adding another finger as he made sure that Dan was completely stretched.  Phil knew that he wasn’t exactly small and the last thing he wanted was Dan getting hurt.  He did take his hand off Dan’s cock though, making Dan’s hips jerk up into the air as they tried to find friction from something that wasn’t there.

“I bet I could make you come from just my fingers,” Phil said, his voice deeper than normal as he spoke.  “Some other time we should try that.” Phil could see the way that Dan’s cock began to leak even more as he spoke.  He could picture it now, Dan begging for release with his dick hard against his stomach and nothing he could do about it.  

“Jesus.” Dan arched his back in pleasure as Phil’s words combined with what his fingers were still doing.  “Just get inside me now otherwise I think I might combust.”

And for once Phil couldn’t even bother to tease back because that was exactly how he felt too.  So he took out his fingers and Dan tried not to complain about the empty feeling they left.  

Phil reached back over to the nightstand and grabbed a condom.  After ripping open the wrapper and sliding it on, Phil gave his neglected cock a few stroke, sighing at how good it felt to finally touch himself.  Dan just watched on with his mouth open in a little o because he thought this might be the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.  He had never wanted to commit an image to his memory more in his entire life.

“Alright,” Phil moved Dan’s legs again so that he could fit between them.  “You’re still good, right?”

“Oh god yes.” Any lingering fears that Dan had might have had were gone at this point and had been completely replaced by lust.

And so Phil finally began to sink slowly into Dan, his dick stretching Dan open even more than his fingers had and yeah it stung a little but Dan was instantly drunk on the feeling.  Once Phil was fully inside him, holding still until Dan gave the okay, Dan was certain that he had never felt more complete.  Sex had always been okay in the past, but this was so many infinitely times better. This was a type of connection and closeness that Dan had never felt with another person before.  It was something he had never opened himself up enough to feel before.  

“Dan?” Phil’s voice was suddenly concerned.  “Are you okay? Oh my god you’re crying-” He started to pull out.

“No!” Dan instantly had his hands on Phil’s back holding him in place.  “It just feels so good.  So fucking good.” He could feel a couple tears running down his cheeks now but he didn’t try to wipe them away.  “Please just move.  I promise I’m okay.  Really.”  

“Okay.” Phil could tell from the look in Dan’s eyes that he was telling the truth otherwise he would have immediately stopped.  But he understood so he began to thrust slowly, not able to stop himself from moaning at how incredible Dan’s tight walls felt around him.  “Fuck.  You’re so good Dan.”

Hearing Phil swear always made Dan’s blood run hot and the feeling of him beginning to move was perfect.  It was everything that Dan had been aching for since they had started.  Phil started to hit Dan’s spot after a couple thrusts, relentlessly creating a deep sort of pleasure that seemed to seap into all of Dan’s veins.

Dan couldn’t stop himself from reaching down to run his hand over his cock, the pressure so badly needed that it made him cry out.  “I’m not going to last long.” He warned Phil.  To be fair this was longer than he would have expected already.

“Me neither,” Phil admitted because truthfully it had been much too long and the feeling of being inside Dan was better than Phil remembered it ever being in the past.  The tight warmth engulfed him so perfectly and Phil knew he was already close to being able to lose himself in all of it.

“Oh god,” Dan couldn’t stop the warm feeling in his stomach for any longer as he reached his second orgasm of the night.  Everything just felt so fucking good.  For once in his life Dan wasn’t over thinking anything.  There was only pleasure.

Phil came after a few more thrusts.  Dan was still clenching hard around him and the face that he had made when he came was the most beautiful thing Phil had ever seen.  He knew that as long as he lived he would never forget the image of this.  Of Dan looking so completely blissful and fucked as he looked back at Phil with his dark eyes.  It was all because of him and that was more than enough to get Phil to come, his dick buried deep inside of Dan, as he moaned Dan’s name.  

“I should probably move.” Phil finally said when he could begin to think again.  Dan was just laying still, waiting for Phil to make the first move because out of the two of them, Phil had the much more intense orgasm, which made sense considering that he had waiting double the amount of time.

“Yeah,” Dan laughed a little despite the fact that Phil’s softening dick was still in his ass and that probably should have been uncomfortable than funny.  Dan didn’t mind though.  Had it been anyone else he would have cared, but not with Phil.

Phil pulled out of Dan as carefully as possible and kissed Dan once softly when Dan couldn’t help but grimace from the feeling.  The kiss was long and gentle.  Even though the words weren’t quite there yet it almost felt like a promise of love.  At least that’s what Dan knew that he was putting into the kiss.

Next Phil went and got a damp washcloth so that he could wipe the both of them off.  Showers sounded like way too much work and Phil insisted that Dan didn’t get up if he didn’t want to.  Normally Dan would have said that he could do things himself, but with Phil it felt nice to be the one taken care of.  Besides, Dan knew that sometimes he would be the one to do this for Phil.  

The crawled under the covers, not bothering to put on any clothes.  In the space of only an evening, Dan had gone from feeling like he could barely take his shirt off around Phil, to not caring at all.  There was something about him that just made Dan feel comfortable in every way possible.

As Phil pulled Dan close, he pressed more kisses to Dan’s neck.  He couldn’t believe that they were finally here.  Neither of them could actually.  And although in the morning the fears about them living so far away and the age gap and what other people would think about their relationship would come back, but for now those fears were far away from both of their minds.  Instead everything was warm and comfortable.  They had each other for tonight and that was enough.  

[arisingstarr-blog]

SO @alignedinstars / RINA, it’s 2018 and about 5 months since you and I got back in touch, and I wanted to make a shoutout to you and give a long, sentimental and very cheesy post :’) I’ve seen some old friends do this waay back in the years and have always wanted to make my own and you just so happen to be the first I try this on !!

This is getting cut under a read more so lmao.

I’ll just be blunt with this - I was pretty sad the day your first jia blog suddenly poofed. The first thing I remember doing after that is trying to hit you up on skype as casually as possible before attempting to ask if everything was alright. But some time passed and since I didn’t wanna pester you I just kinda did my usual thing on Zen until my muse for him withered away and I moved to the yoi fandom. After things started to die down there I was sort of at a loss with whether or not I wanted to find another fandom or just take another long break. BUT the biggest surprise I got when you messaged me again months later !! The most pleasant surprise honestly :’)

But anywho, my entire point in this post is to say how grateful I am to be your partner and friend !! Despite only just recently getting back in contact, and all the bumps in the road we’ve managed to hit in our personal lives between then and now, the memes are strong, and our friendship is as sturdier than ever !! I missed you a heck load, Zen missed Jia a ton - but aside that I’ve had so much fun roleplaying with you because it was just never a dull moment ic or ooc !! You’ve been nothing but an incredibly supportive friend, you always knew what to say to make me laugh ( orkillmesoftly ) we share a ton of interests even I have to admit I was shocked by because, you were just the perfect mix of everything good in a partner I’ve always wanted - but so much more !!  I'm always so reluctant ( bc of past rp experiences / friend drama ) about admitting my thoughts and some of the things i’ve been the most insecure with, and whenever I voice all of that to you you respond with so much understanding and care, always helping me find a solution to things - and even if that isn’t the case just help me overall put my mind somewhere more positive. Lately i’ve been finding it so much harder to reach out to people - both online and irl, but I’m just happy by the end of the day, I can just lay down and pour out whatever the heck my brain happens to come up with to you and be the happy derp i wanna be lmao. It’s honestly super hard these days ( at least for me ) to find those people to really click with, and I’m just ever so thankful to have at least one person like that after the last last mess of a long term rp partnership i had prior to mm and yoi. 

So to wrap this up, I wanna say thank you. For being amazing. For being that shoulder to lean on or that listening ear. For taking interest in things I’d otherwise quietly just enjoy on my own and literally indulging me in them. Thank you for being around when things got difficult. Thank you for trusting me when times got tough for you. Thank you for making my rp experience as fun as it is when we write together. Thank you for chatting with me up to the late hours. Thank you for throwing hcs back and forth with me and building our ic relationships to what they are now. Thank you for being so sweet, and kind, and such a positive influence in my life, and my writing. Thank you for roleplaying with me on your amazing muses - canon or oc because I adore them all. And overall just, thank you so so much for existing in my life and being the friendly, outgoing, and sympathetic person you are, and granting me this caring, loving friendship that we share <3 ... I’d take a sec to like, chill bc I’m getting a little too worked up with emotion right now lmao but I wanna post this asap but still give you a ton of lameness to read <3 I wanna say so much more, but rip I can’t seem to find the right words / can’t tell if I’ve said everything already. hhh but either way, I want you to know that you’re an incredible person and anyone would be privileged to have you as a friend ( you’re so incredibly approachable and lovable tho so there’s just no way anyone can should be shy to befriend you !! ) you need to be appreciated more because i know for a fact it often flies over your head. :’) i’ll make it a job to do that when i can, especially when it really counts !!

Just know if ever, whether it really happens or not, if ever we were to lose contact ( for literally whatever reason !! ) just know you’d always be welcomed back with open arms, and we’d always, always ALWAYS pick everything back up to where we left off. Just like we did last year. I love you to bits and pieces, so don’t you ever forget that !!

[verdigrisprowl]

Dec 15 Odothon Part 4 - DS9 S3E21 S3E22

At this point finding out what’s happening with the poor alien stuck in the same position as Prowl is basically the only thing that Prowl cares about. He comes over as soon as Soundwave invites him.

Prowl is nearly convinced that, at some point, said alien is going to have to accept that, for the greater good of the galaxy, he needs to fight for the destruction of his own home world. After all, at this point, the only arguments in favor of not doing so is “how might this allow other conquering empires to expand?” and “sentimentality.” And sentimentality is no argument at all.

Odo took his first life in this episode. It prompted a conversation on having to take lives in the line of duty; it didn’t end well, but it was truncated in the middle. Perhaps next meeting they can finish it properly.

{{S3E21}}

ItsyBitsySpyers 10:37 pm *Soundwave's pretty sure all he has to do at this point is ping Prowl with an all-clear, so he does.* FakeProwl 10:38 pm *There isn't even a delay. One second after the ping, Prowl is there and taking his seat.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:39 pm *Well! It pleases him to see that Prowl is taking an extremely active interest in this story. And the company's great.*

[[Shall we?]] FakeProwl 10:40 pm Let's. FakeProwl 10:43 pm ((bashir is clearly missing his boyfriend)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:43 pm ((so very badly)) FakeProwl 10:43 pm ((... ARE they boyfriends at this point or is bashir still in the course of being wooed? I can't tell if his 😕 last episode was genuine annoyance or just being tsundere)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:44 pm ((i will explain on skype)) FakeProwl 10:44 pm ((o7)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:48 pm *What skill. Had a few good interrogations that way himself.* FakeProwl 10:48 pm *oh, look at that. spymaster and his spy.* FakeProwl 10:50 pm *prowl hasn't had an excellent interrogator since... hm. never mind him.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:51 pm *Steeples his fingers.* FakeProwl 10:52 pm *... garak's just been told to interrogate odo.* *now. prowl does not believe that garak has switched sides.* *but he also does not believe that garak would stop short of doing the worst things at his disposal to odo in order to maintain his act.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:54 pm [[Hm. Withdrawal. Painful way to go.]] FakeProwl 10:55 pm ... Garak's right, though. It /will/ improve the security of the universe to eliminate the Dominion. FakeProwl 10:56 pm Odo has to be intelligent enough to see that. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:58 pm [[Most people would not wish to see their entire species eradicated. Especially if it would leave them alone so soon after rediscovery.]] FakeProwl 11:00 pm I know. But even after his recent reunion, he still views them as the enemies of true order and justice in the universe, and a threat. FakeProwl 11:02 pm Odo is intelligent enough to recognize that the galaxy would be better without them—but there are more factors than that playing into this. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:03 pm [[Such as?]] ItsyBitsySpyers 11:05 pm *He dripped so much sarcasm they're lucky he's not already in a puddle.* FakeProwl 11:05 pm For instance, if he doesn't assist them, there's a chance that the Cardassian-Romulan union and the Founder world will cripple each other before one ultimately wins, rather than the Cardassian-Romulan union easily crushing the Founder world. Whichever one wins, it will take out two potential threats to the galaxy.

FakeProwl 11:08 pm But, on the other hand, if they DON'T quickly and easily crush each other, it might erupt into war—which, while ultimately taking out one or both threats, will also undoubtedly cause massive casualties, military and civilian both. FakeProwl 11:09 pm *... that looks like a mech flaking apart from a rust virus.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:10 pm [[Given the might of both the Cardassian and Romulan empires, and the antagonistic histories with both, he is certain the Federation wouldn't mind if both sides did crush each other.]]

[[Still. If what Odo says is true - wanting to go home - he can't see Odo supporting it. As he said.]] [[Not yet, at least.]] FakeProwl 11:10 pm *hold on, Prowl's watching Odo suffer.* FakeProwl 11:12 pm ... I didn't finish listing the other factors playing into this. Odo's emotions are among them. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:12 pm [[Ah. Go on, if you have more.]] FakeProwl 11:13 pm Even if he knows that the universe would be better without them, that does not mean he does not still care about them. FakeProwl 11:15 pm At some point, he may reach the point he can put those emotions aside for the greater good. But for now, he's... /terribly/ emotion-driven. ((garak like "we're about to die, i'm gonna quote my boyfriend")) ItsyBitsySpyers 11:16 pm ((LOL)) ItsyBitsySpyers 11:17 pm [[Then you still stand on the side of eliminating them all?]] FakeProwl 11:20 pm ... Well, with Cardassia and the Romulans no longer threats. That leaves no one to battle them into a stalemate. FakeProwl 11:21 pm I'd need to know more about the other major political actors in this galaxy—any larger threats the /Dominion/ might be holding at bay, for instance. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:22 pm [[That would be his other concern. They have always said they were persecuted and hunted. He expects they've destroyed all such enemies since, but... one never knows.]] FakeProwl 11:24 pm ... The fact that they have been "persecuted and hunted" does not necessarily mean those people were /universal/ threats. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:25 pm [[This attack was rash. They know little of how the quadrant's dynamics would change, had not developed appropriate shields against potential infiltration, and have pushed the Founders somewhere they are now unlikely to be rediscovered.]]

[[It was also too egotistical. They brought twenty ships to counter a force that controls an entire quadrant. That was beyond stupid.]] FakeProwl 11:25 pm For one thing, it may have been exaggeration to give them an excuse to eliminate these enemies. For another, their own actions may have /invited/ that persecution and hunt. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:25 pm ((do you want one more before sleep or nah?)) FakeProwl 11:25 pm ((sure)) ItsyBitsySpyers 11:27 pm [[He doubts it's an exaggeration. The Rakharian said they were persecuted, and he would have no interest in protecting them.]]

[[As for your second point... it is a fair one. He cannot argue that without knowing what was done then, and he does not know.]]

[[Are you prepared to continue?]] FakeProwl 11:27 pm I am.

{{S3E22}}

ItsyBitsySpyers 11:28 pm [[Good. First, a continuation of Kai Winn Adami's actions.]]

[[Following the death of a vital government figure, Kai Winn is temporarily appointed in his place. She attempts to permanently seize it to control both sides of Bajor and is foiled, forcing her to remain the spiritual leader only.]]

[[He trusts you are beginning to understand more of her flaws as he mentions her progress.]] FakeProwl 11:30 pm Power-lust, cruelty and ruthlessness toward political rivals, a willingness to make scapegoats of anyone necessary to consolidate her power. *mumbles* Megatron if he'd landed in a temple instead of a gladiatorial ring. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:32 pm [[And some of your Primes, from what he's heard. But... he is amused. Yes.]] FakeProwl 11:38 pm Mm... *thinks about that.* Nova, definitely. Zeta. I wasn't paying close enough attention to politics during Nominus's rule, but he wouldn't surprise me. Sentinel... don't think so, but I also think two WOULD have applied if he'd reigned long enough to apply them. I'll reserve judgment on Optimus and Rodimus until they're done reigning. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:40 pm [[Hm. He questions Optimus clinging to the title despite the presence of a successor. It is... worrisome.]] FakeProwl 11:40 pm ... That, personally, doesn't concern me. FakeProwl 11:43 pm Rodimus was never supposed to be a "successor." He accidentally bonded with the Matrix while trying to steal it back for Optimus. And there is no historical precedent of a Prime's title passing onto a successor outside of death, defeat in combat, or voluntary surrender of the title. Unless we choose to believe that a Matrix bonding to someone is indeed a declaration of a choice being made by a divinity, rather than a mechanical reaction made by a sophisticated machine in the presence of correct circumstances, the Matrix "choosing" someone doesn't mean the title MUST pass on. FakeProwl 11:45 pm However, what DOES concern me is the fact that he fully surrendered his title and rank voluntarily—then came back and immediately started behaving as though he still carries the same authority he always did. FakeProwl 11:48 pm *points at screen* That's a changeling. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:48 pm [[Mm. Why not place it in every mech's chest for a few minutes and have as many changed as possible, if simultaneous holding matters so little?]]

[[That concerns him, too. It does not surprise him, however. He has observed too many timelines.]] *Soundwave taps his fingers against his thigh.* [[There are extended continuations of our own where he delivers leadership to Bumblebee, only to fight and undermine at every turn.]] FakeProwl 11:50 pm For one thing, the symbolism of it. Religion holds no /official/ legal power, but it holds enough popular power that there would be an outrage. For another... we're not entirely sure yet what... hold on. *there's FORENSIC INVESTIGATION going on.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:51 pm *Soundwave nods, equally interested in this changeling hunt.* FakeProwl 11:52 pm *what are tetryon particles? Prowl wants to know about this test. can he use it on people* FakeProwl 11:53 pm ... Okay, well, i thought the device instead of the person was the changeling, but I get partial credit. And the Bashir in the vents was my top suspect, so. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:55 pm [[The credit is granted.]] FakeProwl 11:55 pm Thank you. FakeProwl 11:56 pm Right. So. We're not entirely sure yet what exactly triggers the Matrix to upgrade someone. FakeProwl 11:58 pm *... in all Odo's time as security, he's never fired a weapon or taken a life; and Prowl respects him a little bit more.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:59 pm [[He doubts it has anything to do with patience and calm temperaments.]] Yesterday FakeProwl 11:59 pm By their own reports, both Orion and Hot Rod were near-fatally damaged when the Matrix upgraded them; and in fact Hot Rod had been running around with the Matrix a bit BEFORE his damage and it didn't upgrade him then. FakeProwl 12:01 am Thunderclash, whose Matrix affinity levels are off the charts, has carried the Matrix for extended periods of time. It liked him so much that it welded itself into his chest at least once. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:03 am *Shudder. Parasitic little bauble.* FakeProwl 12:03 am And yet it never upgraded him. Maybe it's because he didn't nearly die while carrying it. Or, for all we know, maybe it's because he's already wearing the very apex of what his body has the potential to be, and so there's nothing to upgrade. We just don't know. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:04 am [[He doesn't suppose Thunderclash would volunteer to be brought near death by skilled doctors to find out.]] FakeProwl 12:04 am We can't risk that with him. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:05 am [[Why?]] ItsyBitsySpyers 12:08 am [[Good timing.]] FakeProwl 12:08 am He's too important to risk losing to a failed experiment and a doctor who pressed slightly too hard. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:09 am [[He hears sentiments like that a lot. One day, when we have more time, he will ask you to explain that to him.]] FakeProwl 12:10 am ... Think of all the things that Optimus's most fervent worshippers say about him. About Thunderclash, they're true. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:10 am [[...You exaggerate.]] FakeProwl 12:11 am Well. His behavior is still bound by the laws of what's physically possible. ... Usually. But, aside from that, it's all true. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:11 am *He has heard Some Things, Prowl. Smokescreen's book repeatedly claims Optimus was one of the original 13, for Pit's sake. You can't convince him THAT'S true about Thunderclash. He can't be convinced of that about anyone except Alpha Trion.* [[Hm. He'll want stories, when we discuss this mech. Be sure to have your best ready by then.]] FakeProwl 12:13 am I don't need to share stories. After all—HE adequately fills out his paperwork. He writes thorough reports. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:14 am [[Thorough reports he doubts he will be allowed to read.]]

*Soundwave abruptly points at the screen.* FakeProwl 12:14 am *he's watching.* *The first time Odo's had to harm someone in the line of duty. The first changeling to ever harm another changeling.* FakeProwl 12:18 am *and after that, he's very quiet.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:19 am *...Isn't quite sure why. He has ideas, but he's not going to voice them. That'll be up to Prowl to do, if he wants.*

*Instead, he'll just offer a hand and tilt his helm to the side.* FakeProwl 12:19 am *he'll take it.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:20 am *Soundwave will squeeze it in those skinny fingers of his and wait for Prowl to work out what he wants to do now.* FakeProwl 12:22 am *he's still putting words together. and still deciding if he actually wants to share any of them.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:24 am *Then there they'll sit for the moment, Soundwave twisting to lightly bump Prowl's shoulder with his forehead before resting his chin on the highest part of its armor.* FakeProwl 12:26 am ... That's the worst day of any law enforcer's career. FakeProwl 12:27 am The ones who are driven to protect, anyway. The ones who are driven by the fear of a gun turned against them and the thrill of the thought of turning a gun against someone else—I'm sure they looked forward to that day. And there were too many of those, I know. But... for most—that's the worst day. ... Or the second worst day, if it takes a while for the shock to blow over and the horror to set in. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:30 am [[...You sound like you still remember yours.]] FakeProwl 12:31 am His name. His city. His taxonomy. His entire police file. Even his batch number. FakeProwl 12:34 am ... Until your first one, it's so easy to—to believe you're some kind of supercop. If you've never killed someone when so many other enforcers have, then it's because they're all failing at their job; and you're more wise, more just, more skilled, more merciful. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:36 am [[That is an expensive dose of humility.]] FakeProwl 12:36 am Until the day comes when someone is pointing a gun at someone who doesn't deserve it and the only way to stop him from pulling the trigger is by pulling yours. FakeProwl 12:37 am And you're not a supercop anymore. You're just—another enforcer who killed someone. You aren't better than the others, you were just never pushed to the same point as them. So does that mean sometimes it IS necessary? Or does it mean you're failing at your job, too. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:39 am [[Which do you yourself think?]] FakeProwl 12:41 am ... It's a question I've asked myself. Would the /perfect/ cop never have to take a life, no matter the situation? FakeProwl 12:42 am I've run simulations in my sleep. Made up unwinnable scenarios for this hypothetical perfect cop, where he'd be forced to pull a trigger. FakeProwl 12:44 am Given a week or two of scenario time, he always manages to squeeze out a nonfatal solution. The longest I kept rerunning a scenario was five months. But he succeeded. Four million years—and I still don't have an answer. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:47 am *Long, slow vent.* [[May he speak plainly?]] FakeProwl 12:48 am Of course. ItsyBitsySpyers 1:03 am [[You look too far for what is obvious.]]

[[You - *you* - required five months to find a solution for your toughest scenario. Five months of sleep simulations. Hundreds of them. Thousands of them. Perhaps more.]]

[[So, then. One mech in many thousands will find the perfect solution. Expecting that same mech to manage it over and over, every time, forever...]]

[[Perfection is an unattainable state. No mech can reach it. No existence can uphold it. The scientists, the police, the artists, the construction mechs... all will stumble. Those who strive for it anyway - who fight for it and grieve for their failures - are the ones to be admired.]]

[[You spoke of enforcers driven by fear and the thrill of murdering others. They are not to be permitted. He would strike them down.]]

[[One who worries as much as you have and do, and who fights for true protection? They would likely be worthy. Imperfect. But worthy.]] FakeProwl 1:05 am When a law enforcer stumbles, someone dies who shouldn't have and didn't have to. That's /never/ acceptable. FakeProwl 1:06 am Anyway, that's not the point of my thought exercise. It's to invent the worst-worst ever possible scenarios and see if they can be defeated anyway, not to explore hypothetical normal situations that actual officers actually face. I'm throwing unstoppable swords at unbreakable shields to see which one cracks. It's—a mathematical problem I'm trying to solve. Not a practical one. No. Normal situations, like the one I faced? It took me seven seconds to figure out how I could have avoided killing him. I didn't need to be perfect. I just needed to be seven seconds better. ItsyBitsySpyers 1:21 am [[That IS the point of it. It is mathematical AND practical. You will not always be seven seconds better. Six seconds. Three seconds. Zero. And that may eventually make it a necessity and a failure, but that eventuality exists because existence itself cannot be perfected. Not without turning to projects like your Shockwave created, and those do not protect others either.]]

[[Being unable to change that doesn't mean giving up on getting as close as one can to perfect anyway. It doesn't mean leaving it to the willing murderers. Life and work can't stop at imperfection. That is death. Dwelling without doing is nothing.]] FakeProwl 1:22 am ... I didn't say it does mean giving up, much less leaving it to the murderers. I think you're confusing this discussion for a different one you'd rather be having. And I ought to be preparing for work. ItsyBitsySpyers 1:23 am [[No. Not entirely.]]

[[But you should.]] FakeProwl 1:25 am *in the end, maybe he shouldn't have said something.* *a farewell ping, and he disappears.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:34 am *Soundwave rubs his temples, frustrated, and heads upstairs to rest.*

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/new-moon-in-aries-march-24th-2020/

NEW MOON In Aries March 24th 2020

FCGCT Commentary: We are moving from the mind to the Heart… not the balancing of the two. The mind conflicts with the Heart and is the cause for imbalance, pain, fear, suffering and more. It is the Heart and Brain which work in harmony together. The mind is the ego, wants, needs, desires, thinking blocks the Heart, as it Edges God Out. It is the Heart and Brain which work in harmony to allow Balanced Harmonics, your Divine Blueprint. Let go of the mind, and solely flow from the Heart, connected to the Unified Heart in Unity Consciousness.

NEW MOON In Aries March 24th, 2020

By MYSTIC MAMMA

Dear sisters and brothers,

I’ve been listening within to what would be most helpful at this time and yielding to it.

I’ve been called to share guidance more directly, in the hopes that it can be helpful in addressing both our collective and personal experience and support us in seeing things from a healing vantage.

During these next two weeks or so, we will most likely feel a wide spectrum of emotions getting stirred as this pandemic continues to ripple through.

We must take it day by day, moment by moment. Remembering that all that we are feeling is ok and keeping our hearts open despite the pain, despite the upheaval that we are each feeling and processing in our own ways.

We have and will continue to have new challenges to face in very real ways, and we’ll be forced to come up with new solutions to cope, new ways to adapt to the changes.

There are many who are being affected in extremely physical ways, health-wise and financial, and I encourage us all to hold them in our prayers and wrap them in a vision of comfort and support during these very trying times.

The same goes for all our sisters and brothers on the frontlines; for their service to us during this time.

We are each being called to do our part and sacrifice or “make sacred” for the good of the whole,  as we seed the Aquarian vision for our collective future.⠀  

▽

On a personal level, these times are calling us to cultivate our inner gardens, our own inner resources, and our abilities to self-soothe and heal. We are learning to listen to and trust the truth inside us.

Adaptation is the name of the game as they say. We will have to remember to flow, think outside the box and find new solutions. They will come.

In this collective climate that is continually pumped with fear, we have a choice of how we will respond.

Most likely there will be extreme polarities stirred up, in the collective and within each of us.

And we might swing from one end to the other until we start to find our deeper roots through this.

The planets have quite a line-up reflecting the times and it’s important to be aware that anger and frustration can easily be triggered. We have restrictions upon us, there is a lot of very real concern and fear and it can feel overwhelming.

We might feel alone but we are not alone in this. The most important thing to absorb is bringing a very compassionate acceptance to our own reactions as well as those of others.

▽  

We are now in a time of collective/planetary healing that is undeniably linked to our own personal healing.

The macro and the micro are linked, so while our planet is a state of major evolutionary transformation right now, so are our inner worlds and personal lives.

Taking a broader vast eagle’s eye view helps us to understand the trajectory of what is unfolding. But on the personal level is where the real work and transformation is occurring. It’s happening from the inside out.

Some of us might have been on a healing journey for a while now and some just might be beginning.

Regardless of where we are at, we are being internally stirred so as to be catapulted into a new phase in our evolutionary growth.  

▽  

Our Soul will be knocking from within, with guidance, answers, and solutions.

This experience requires trust.

It requires bringing forth gentle, compassionate energy, as we unearth a lot of our fears, wounds, and shadows.

No matter who we are, where we come from, what our experience has been, we all carry wounds, deep fears, and hurts. It’s part of our shared human experience.

And when we finally stop and don’t have anywhere to run to, or activities to continually distract us, we will eventually come to meet ourselves.

These places within that we resist because they feel scary, the feelings that we push away, all of this resistance, has to give way.

Our hearts have to open.

And yes it is painful, it can be the most excruciating experience, to truly feel all that we carry within.

But we can choose to meet this time with “a much more loving, all-embracing ‘moment of truth’ when the heart can look with complete forgiveness on the personality,”  as Vicki Noble writes in Motherpeace.

She goes on to say:

“Once one has truly seen and forgiven oneself, has lovingly accepted the personality and the ego and all the individual human traits one is ordinarily ashamed of, then the integration lifts one immediately into the sphere of the divine presence.

“When one can see oneself with clarity and acceptance, then one is likely to see others in that same way; without criticism with full acceptance of what is truly the human condition.”  

That is really it right there. Because in truth, in the heart of Creation, we are already accepted, we are already forgiven, we are already enough, each of us, flawed and lovable, perfectly imperfect, human and Soul.

We can opt to lean into our empathic, nurturing, MOTHER tendencies, for the Mother principle is alive within each one of us, regardless of gender.

It is within all of Creation and it is being reborn and reclaimed each time we open our hearts with acceptance and compassion for ourselves and each other.

▽  

This collective experience we find ourselves in is precipitating an evolutionary leap.

All of humanity is coming into a solidified understanding/awareness of our interconnectedness with each other and with our Mother planet Earth.

I started writing about these collective consciousness shifts in 2011, you can read the piece I wrote for the Huffington Post in 2012 called The Great Transformation Happening on the Planet. 

We are in the time of the Great Turning like Joanna Macy has been speaking about.

And it’s not in some future time, it is now and we are here in it.

We are the ones during this shift.  

▽

We must remember that we have direct access to Source and our Soul’s guidance. We need no intermediary. During these times, we have to trust that we will rise and transform the warrior archetype whose impulse is to war when threatened, into a rainbow warrior who courageously stands in love in the face of fear.

It’s a big evolutionary leap and it will demand great courage.

We individually each will have to take a stand, and follow our Soul’s guidance through this initiation into the new.

As Vicki Noble says:

“For transformation, one must become open to intuition and healing messages from the biosphere—-knowledge from the group mind, Gaia—-guidance from Mother Earth herself.

“To cling to old patterns of behavior may mean extinction, and to value money or possessions at the expense of human relationships would miss the action.”

We are not going to miss the action.

We are going to listen deeply and open wide our hearts.

May these words be received with the intention they were written. With all my love~ ~MM

Found @ https://www.mysticmamma.com/new-moon-in-aries-march-24th-2020/?mc_cid=86783d36b8&mc_eid=aaa1f2c27e

~~~~~~~

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[nyancheetosmusical]

Be More Chill Legend of Zelda (MM) AU

Something I kind of put together, making a Majora’s Mask AU of BMC. I might write more, but i might not, we’ll see.

Writing under the cut (also bear with me getting the ideas going slowly in the beginning and the text type cause this was in a skype chat)

Jeremy is a skull kid

And Michael is Link

Jeremy and Mike are friends

i mean Jer doesn’t really have any friends beside Michael

And Michael is Hylian, not a skull kid

and also Mike is sort of the hero of time

So, you know

There’s some extra responsibility there

So Jer is looking for friends

and he finds this fairy

It promises to make his life better

He just has to do what they say

So Jer listens to him

At first the fairy has him get up to like just like general mischeif

but Jer likes having a friend at his side always

And they do goofy stuff together

but the fairy has other motives

He’s looking to get his hands on a certain mask

this ancient mask full of immense power

Bc maybe it was powerful enough to give him a body

so he gets Jeremy up to more and more mischeif

So that Jeremy would be comfortable doing anything to get this mask

eventually they score

There’s the Happy Mask Saleswoman in the woods

she’s been traveling around and decided to stop in Termina

the fairy eggs Jeremy into stealing this cool looking mask from her

And he does

but when Jeremy grabs it

He’s overwhelmed by the power

he puts it on before the fairy can say anything

And the spirit of the mask takes over his mind and body

Not the fairy’s intent

but maybe, if he sticks with Majora (for that’s who is in control of Jeremy now), he can get a body made for himself

But Jeremy is different now that he’s got the vengeful spirit of Majora inside him

he’s colder

meaner

Starts hurting people

without the fairy telling him to

And sure the fairy is like um this isn’t what I wanted

but his greed and want for a body overcomes his will to stop Majora

Michael, having finished a quest (aka all of OOT), comes to the forests of Termina on Epona to “search for an old friend” as the in game text says

And he sees Jeremy

and is real excited

But then he sees Jer has changed his mask

“Woah dude, that’s cool looking! Sorry I was gone so long, I-"

Before he can keep going, the fairy (as per Majora’s request) sneaks up and spooks Epona, Mike’s horse, bucking him off

Majora searches Michael’s stuff, looking for something specific, something he saw in this skull kid’s memories

and this “hero of time” has it

there

The Ocarina of Time

Majora takes it, hops on Epona, and rides off, taunting Mike

Mike of course gives chase

“Jeremy? Uh that actually kind of hurt! This isn’t funny any more!”

but its not really Jeremy anymore

Majora leads Michael to fall down this pit

And when he wakes up

Jeremy is there

“Ow….dude, what’s going on? You’re acting weird…."

he looks closer

And he sees these tendrils spreading from the mask, like tentacles, all around the edges

They’re woven into his friend’s very skin

The mask is embedded in his face

And Jeremy looks worse for wear, like maybe he hasn’t eaten for a while and hasn’t bothered to sleep

“…Jer? Maybe….maybe take off that mask? So I can see your face?”

“NO!”

“C’mon Jeremy, I haven’t seen you in so long-“

“I am never taking off this mask"

Woah, when did Jeremy’s voice change like that?

“Jeremy, what happened?"

“Nothing happened. I’m better than I ever could be. I’m amazing. I’m ecstatic.”

Oh Mike knows something is up

he draws his sword

But Jeremy just laughs in a voice that doesn’t really sound like his own

“You think you can even touch me? Hehehe, fat chance. You know….being the “hero of time”…you could cause some problems…..hehehe, ever think about changing your look? Something more fitting for you?”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Mm, yes, your look could use some updating…Ah! Hehehe, I know~”

Mike watches in horror as Jeremy’s body is lifted up by the mask

the mask floating and his body hanging limply underneath it

A few feet in the air

a strange purple aura begins to pour off the mask

And Mike’s head begins to hurt like nobody’s business

it’s pounding and aching and there’s so much pressure-

He hears Jeremy laughing and laughing as he falls to his knees

everything goes dark

And he wakes up and everything feels different

he tries to say something but the words don’t come out in his voice

there’s a pool of water in front of him

He checks his reflection

And It’s not his face anymore, but that of a deku scrub

He’s smaller and weaker and has none of his things and this body doesn’t feel right at all

but Jeremy just laughs and laughs

“Fitting for a loser like you!"

The fairy with Jeremy is laughing too

he’s gotta get in Majora’s good graces

He approaches the kid-turned-deku scrub

taunting him, calling him a loser, saying this looked so much better for someone like him, etc and etc

But Michael isn’t listening to the fairy

he’s frantically trying to get across the pool of water to get over to Jeremy as Majora drags her host’s body away, laughing

The way Majora exists slams shut behind Jeremy

The fairy looks to see the closed door

...shoot

“Hey! Hey uh Jeremy, open up, would you? Haha you kind of left me in here, with this lame coconut head!"

he waits at the door

“…Jeremy?"

“Heh, good joke Jeremy, but uh I kind of need to come with you now!”

“J-Jeremy, you need me, remember? I was going to make you popular and powerful and have lots of friends!”

...

oh

Majora probably didn’t need the SQUIP

When you have that much power, what do you need a fairy like the SQUIP for?

His wings drooped

He was never going to get a body now...

he turned around to find Michael across the pond, drowning

\ Without thinking the SQUIP swooped on over and dove under the water and gave the deku scrub a boost up and out of the water

Michael pulled himself up, dripping wet and spitting out water

he sat on the shore And looked at his arms, now much shorter and made of wood

...nothing about him was the same

And there was something wrong with Jeremy and he was gone and Michael couldn’t get to him-

Michael didn’t like to cry

But he cried a little

the SQUIP watched

…okay maybe he shouldn’t have let Jeremy do that...

or let Jeremy do like half the things he had done

He was getting tired of that feeling pulling inside him whenever he watched someone cry as Jeremy hurt them

probably guilt

An annoying emotion

but he couldn’t deny that he felt it

Before they had found the mask, Jeremy had told him a lot about Michael

SQUIP had tried to discourage Jeremy from being friends with you, he’d only drag you down

But mostly it was because he knew if Michael came back Jeremy wouldn’t need him and as the Hero of Time probably would talk Jeremy out of stealing the mask and the SQUIP needed to have that mask

but he felt like he knew this Michael guy personally

And watching him cry...

Ugh

It was annoying

but SQUIP would probably need Michael to help him find Jeremy

Maybe get him to take off that mask

“Hey….Michael, right?”

the deku scrub looked up

The trademark thick saliva of dekus dripping out of his mouth

ugh

SQUIP shuddered

“You….ugh, you need to get to Jeremy. You need to help me find him, I gotta get that mask off of him so I can have it!”

Michael looked up at him and jabbered in the language of the forest people

SQUIP sneered without a face

“Yeah sorry I don’t know what you’re saying, bush boy”

Michael looked at him

And then turned away

and began to walk away

“W-wait! Come back! Please!"

SQUIP dashed in front of MIchael

“Wait please I need your help! I can’t get out of here on my own! I need you! Please?”

The deku stared blankly

“And….I’m sorry, okay, I’m sorry I treated you like garbage, you’re….you’re not bad, okay?…..what are you staring at me for, do I got something on my wings? No? Then stop staring! Let’s get moving!”

SQUIP flew off, waiting eagerly by the door

...well

Michael didn’t have much of an option

He dipped his toe in the water and looked across

This body couldn’t float so he couldn’t swim...

“Hey, dumbass, Dekus can skip on water, just like, I don’t know, run cross it or something."

Michael narrowed his eyes

The SQUIP stared back

....

Rolled his nonexistent eyes

“….yeah, yeah, sorry I called you dumbass, just get moving would you?”

the deku just nodded approvingly and began to try to get across

He took a step back

then began to run across the surface of the water, feeling silly

But as soon as he started, it was like muscle memory took over and he began to skip in lofty hops on the top of the water

he could feel the strange fluid on his feet that reacted with the surface tension of the water begin to wash off with each step he took

But he reached the other side before it wore off completely

he stood on the other shore, looking down at his new body with a newfound respect

Maybe it wasn’t so dinky

he turned to face the door

….shoot, it was puzzle locked

He looked around for the solution

“What are you waiting for? Just open the door!”

Michael chattered at him, saying some things he was glad the fairy couldn’t understand

“What was that, snot mouth?”

Michael tried to stick his tongue out and blow a raspberry at the annoyed fairy

Instead of a tongue, out shot a bubble of spit

with the same speed and force as a deku shooting deku nuts, it smacked into the SQUIP and knocked him off balance, causing him to flutter out of the pattern he had been flying in

“HEY WHAT THE F-“

but Michael wasn’t paying attention

What had....

what had just happened?

Careful not to aim for the swearing fairy, Michael tried again

Spitting a massive bubble that had far more speed and velocity than you’d think

Huh, useful

Jeremy would find this so cool-

Oh right

Jeremy had left him

...well, not Jeremy, per say

Whatever that mask was that was controlling him

It had to be that

...right?

Well, Michael had figure that out later

Right now he didn’t even know how to become human again

That would be a good place to start

He found the hidden button up on the wall that triggered the door

He went for his arrows-

...right, he didn’t have those anymore

But he did have super spit!

Still ignoring the fairy, he tossed his head back and shot a bubble out, directly onto the button

The door sprung open

Michael smiled internally

Hah

Still got it

The fairy looked at the door

...oh. Huh.

“That will do, I guess. But I do not need your help anymore, I-”

Michael walked on past the SQUIP and through the door

“Wha-hey! Wait for me!”

The SQUIP chased after Michael through the door

[leopah]

NAF: Afterword

Since the epilogue of my fic gets posted today, it’s finally time to post the afterword I wrote when I first finished it.

At the time I write this, May 3rd, 2017, I have just completed NAF! I know you guys won’t see the final chapter until early August, but I have to write out my gratitude while I’m still overflowing with emotions.

So, top of my list, huge thank you to my beta Madi, who was cool enough to read over my chapters before I posted and hang out with me on Discord. Even though you were too busy to help me out during the final arc, I couldn’t have done this without you, seriously. You’ve taught me a lot about adverbs and other things, and I’ll do my best to keep those in mind as I move forward.

Next off, thanks to the Skype squad, aka the hell chat, all 25+ of you in your chaotic glory. You guys stuck with me through the whole thing from the initial planning all through my work on it, and being able to talk with you guys and throw random lines at you out of context really did help when I was having a hard time. I doubt I ever would have had the courage to even start this thing without you guys, either. Your support means the world.

On that note, thank you to Scarf and Gio especially, for your words of encouragement when I lost my confidence (which happened a lot), as well as for jumping in as my betas when Madi was unable to. I really don’t think I would have been able to finish this huge project without your support. I’ve never finished a long-form story before, and I honestly wasn’t sure if I’d make it until I did. I love you both, and by the time you read this, the three of us should have met at Anime Expo if all goes well on our respective ends. <3 (Update: we did and it was wonderful)

Thank you to all my readers! When I started I wasn’t sure if anyone would read this, but every comment and kudos I got made me smile. Whether you were here from the beginning or just read recently, I value you all so much.

Will I write another Noragami fic? Mm, it’s hard to say. I have some ideas in the works, but we’ll see they come to fruition in a meaningful way. Also, I spent a good 8-9 months married to my story while I wrote it, meaning I worked on nothing besides it and the drabbles. I really want to work on original stuff as a priority, but we’ll see how it goes. I’ll leave you guys with an optimistic “Maybe!” (which is probably a yes since I’m trash).

And of course I still have the drabbles to work on at this time. Remember, if you want more material pertaining to this fic, check those out! They’re a light version of what you see in the main story, and it’s basically where I shoved all the fluffy/shippy stuff so it didn’t mess with the main flow of the story. I know I love my cliffhangers.

I first got the idea for this in August 2016. It seems like it was just yesterday, but what happened was I woke up one day while on vacation and thought, what if Yato severed Hiyori’s cord during the hospital arc and made her his shinki? Before I knew it, most of the first chapter had fallen into place and I knew I had to write this thing. I turned over the idea in my head for a few more weeks with planning, concept sketching, jotting things down on my phone while I was away from my computer, and wondering if I was ready to be committed. I started actually writing in early September, and worked on it pretty regularly until now, in May. I took a month-long break after writing each arc, but those were unplanned and just how my schedule with school and everything ended up working out.

When I first started planning the story arcs, I thought this fic would end up pretty long (IF I finished it, was the nagging thought at the back of my mind). I thought around 50k would be the total word count, in the beginning. But once the story arcs started taking their own shape, my outlines for my chapters got more complex, and the chapters themselves grew longer, my new estimate was about 75k, and I still thought that was overshooting. I ended up going about to 80k with 27 chapters and an epilogue, plus the drabbles, which finished at 25k, so ending up with 100k, a 400-page novel equivalent on my first serious attempt at writing? Not bad, if I do say so myself. Especially considering I didn’t write creatively for six whole years before this. I will always credit this fic as the sole reason my writer’s block (which I thought was insurmountable) got crushed for good.

The writing was really rough around the edges at first, seeing as I was out of practice and out of my depth. That being said, I hope you guys can see the writing changing and improving through the chapters as much as I can. I’m such a perfectionist with myself that even the tiniest mistake makes me lose my footing, but I really tried to make each chapter the best it could be for all of you with all my constant editing and nitpicking.

Ahah I’m so emotional right now. I just can’t believe it’s really finished. I never feel like the work is done because of the sheer amount of time I spent editing every single chapter until they satisfied my needs, up until the final week, but the story itself is done and it feels kind of surreal. Especially since I was always working so far ahead of what was being posted, now that the two have caught up it still doesn’t feel real.

But that rambling aside, thank you guys for making this journey with me. Again, thank you. You haven’t seen the last of me, I guarantee it.

[hajiiwa]

tagged by @scattycathy, tyvm~~

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. (20? rly? nah)

LAST…

Drink: water

Phone call: uh a few weeks ago with @a-g-u-s-tea-d

Text message: also @a-g-u-s-tea-d because i’m guessing this excludes skype and kik and whatnot

Song you listened to: mmmm i don’t remember back to last night. something by tomppabeats

Time you cried: few weeks ago

HAVE YOU…

Dated someone twice: n.....o

Kissed someone and regretted it: not really

Been cheated on: nope!

Lost someone special: lost someone as in dying?? or much more mundane??? the former, no, the latter, yes

Been depressed: ya

Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope, thank god. alcohol tastes icky too lmfao

Made new friends: mhm!

Fallen out of love: yep

Laughed until you cried: yeah, i watch those ‘try not to laugh’ challenges just so that i can laugh is that sad

Found out someone was talking about you: mm yup

Met someone who changed you: i think so?

Found out who your friends are: found that out about a month and a half ago actually

Kissed someone from your Facebook list: i don’t use facebook

Kissed a stranger: nope

Drank hard liquor: noooo

Lost glasses/contact lenses: only for brief stretches

Turned someone down: yep

Sex on the first date: uh,, no

Broken someone’s heart: ? idk

Had your heart broken: meh. not sure

Been arrested: naah

Cried when someone died: there hasn’t been a whole lot of that in my life yet so nah

Fallen for a friend: *laughter in the distance* yeh

Kissed on the first date: technically haven’t been on a “““first date”””

GENERAL

List 3 favorite colors: yellow, orange, red

How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: n/a

Do you have any pets: not anymore

Do you want to change your name: uhhhhh, not anymore

What time did you wake up: twenty minutes ago, so about 7

What were you watching at midnight last night: arrested development

Name something you can’t wait for: graduation? oh, sooner than that? breakfast

When was the last time you saw your mom: like ten minutes ago but she was asleep

What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my ability (read: inability) to handle my emotions. why do they vanish sometimes. where are they going. come back

What are you listening to right now: tea for two by django reinhardt

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I assume so

Something that is getting on your nerves right now: the giant accounting assignment looming over my head

Most visited website: tumblr, yt, or my school website

Mole/s: i think the ‘freckle’ on my palm is actually a mole

Mark/s: a smattering of freckles and a handful of scars

Childhood dream: leaving society lmfao

Do you have a crush on someone: almost always

What do you like about yourself: my self-awareness? also my hair

Piercings: only one so far (that will change bc i want More)

Blood type: A+, like my grades

Nickname: @marythecloud94 has taken to given me tons of nicknames, i remember sunshine, pumpkin, sweet pea....... it cute

Relationship status: single

Zodiac: aquarius

Pronouns: they/them for right now

Favorite TV show: haikyuuuuuu!!!! also bungou stray dogs, my hero academia, yuri on ice, hunter x hunter, oh i should stop now

Tattoos: none yet

Right or left hand: right!

Surgery: none!

Hair dyed in different color: i’ve had a bunch of temporary colors and semi-permanent red and dark green (that sort of turned out bluish lol)

Sport: track, cross-country, swimming when i was younger, tennis, fencing (which was fun af), archery, a handful of others. nothing rn though

Vacation: is this vacations been on, or vacations to be had?? 0-0

Pair of trainers: yes

Current and all-time best friend name: i’m guessing three of my closest friends will read this, so, pass. @a-g-u-s-tea-d was my first Big Friend tho

Eye color: light bluish-grey

Favorite movie: ? JUST ONE??? i refuse. 

WHICH IS BETTER?

Hugs or kisses: they’re equally great

Lips or eyes: eyes

Shorter or taller: both

Nice arms or stomach: both

Sensitive or loud: idk. i’m sort of loud but i have no preference

Hook up or relationship: relationship

Troublemaker or hesitant: again, dude, both. but troublemaker tbh

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

Yourself: heck ye

Miracles: not really no

Love at first sight: attraction at first sight? totally. love? no way. that’s literally judging a book by its cover, you have no idea what this person is actually like on the inside

Santa Claus: ? no

i’ll try to tag some mutuals i usually don’t (apart from a couple that i tag everything in lmfao): @queen-of-moon-and-stars | @raplegendwonho | @a-g-u-s-tea-d | @marythecloud94 (you said you were in the mood to do tags lol) | @shipeo | @moimin | @rosecahstles | @lovedbythesunn | @lattebf