#(I’ll try to come back tomorrow)
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sigh hello everyone, it’s been a while but I’m going to be stepping back from all my socials- for a year I’ve been getting stalked, and the perpetrator nabbed all of my information as well as my family’s, and he is actively threatening them (and threatening to lie and get them in serious trouble).
Im.. At a genuine loss here? I’m sorry for being gone for so long but I’m genuinely terrified (tags below)
#worst part is I’m not home.#I’m celebrating my birthday early in salem. trying to. and this happens#so I’ll be spending my birthday tomorrow at the police station to file a report against this person. have to do so in person in my state#I’m so sorry I don’t like venting anywhere but I’m so scared. for my life#for my family’s safety#so it’ll be a while until I come back#I’ll be active on my one private acc on Twitter; but that’s about it#so until this is all settled I’m stepping back for a bit
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The evil demon in my head says I’m a terrible horrible no good very bad writer and I MUST NOT let it win. Even if this wip is not knocking anybody’s socks off right now I have to trust it will become good eventually!!! Just keep swimming!! Just keep swimming!!
#writing feels like mud wrestling a crocodile sometimes#chapter 6 is simply not horrifying enough and megumi is too passive UGH#I don’t think it’s a bad chapter per se but it bores me 💀 and it feels aimless#is it only boring bc I’ve read it a million times or would a reader also be bored?#I’m trying to just let it be bad so that I can go back and fix it in the next draft but it’s soooo hard to not be a perfectionist#I know it will come together eventually#nine times out of ten that’s what happens#I just wish knowing what the next right thing is could be a quicker and easier process#anyway. boo hoo I’m an inefficient writer break out the tiny violins#I’ll wake up tomorrow and write some more before we go out for Mother’s Day morning tea#maybe then I will have a breakthrough#or maybe I will keep slowly plodding on day after day bit by bit until I’m close to satisfied#happy Australian Mother’s Day to all your mums btw!#lyrebirds speaks
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Not doing so good. Gonna be gone for a while. I’m sorry.
#I’ll try to come back for bad batch but idk#if I’ll even be here lol#personal#bye#trying not to fail outta school or **** my****#why am I apologizing that’s so fuckin cringe like bruh no one cares lol#I’ll probably delete this tomorrow I should probably just delete tumblr and be done with it idk
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Oliver Coates | Ultra valid
#anyway#i'm going for real now#i was just sitting up pondering and processing things and then lunatics happened#good night#oliver coates#ultra valid#throb shiver arrow of time#ambient#songs of 2024#an essential one#i love how distinct his sound is#and how well he does ominous and pensive#(I’ll try to come back tomorrow)
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no yeah I’m getting def getting reassessed for adhd because this ain’t it, chief
#sillyposting#2 more friends just told me I sound like them when they’re off their meds. cool cool cool#my mom said today I make her anxious because she worries about my deadlines more than I do lol#being a student again has really made me say yeah girl you really ARE a hot mess#unfortunately my next appointment with my NP is in a month and they don’t have anything sooner#just refer me somewhere now mannn I wanna get on a waitlist 😓#I’m genuinely in distress trying to focus on important tasks due to boredom#I could be writing rn *buzzer noise* I could just do this tomorrow *buzzer noise*#I already have 30 tasks overdue. what’s one more? what’s the rush? *buzzer noise*#making a to-do list is boring and also scary therefore I refuse to do it *buzzer noise*#I could be sleeping right now *buzzer noise*#I could be researching and writing a paper on a special interest right now *buzzer noise*#I have no concept of what all I need to get done but it’s okay bc my happiness right now is more important#*buzzer noise*#I have no clue what any of my classmates are talking about#because I haven’t kept up with the readings and assignments like they did#but that’s okay I’ll catch up later *buzzer noise*#I’ll take a break and come back. I’ll take a break and come back. I’ll take a break and come back. *buzzer noise*#I’ll start this task and switch to this next one and man I’m bored so I’ll go to the next thing I need to do and man this is boring too#*buzzer gets stuck*#tired of life being one never-ending game of catch-up. I just want to do things without needing a gun to my head#I’ve BEEN saying saying this since high school
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this weekend was…absurdly miserable lmao
#yes I’m being negative again but in a much more general way than usual!#it was foreseeable since I spent the past like 4 weeks at my parents’ house with my sister and yuki#and always had someone around me#so naturally being back at my own flat in the city I don’t know anyone in has been shit#but I also didn’t even do ANYTHING to at least try to keep my mind busy 😭#no giffing no reading no workout no replying to messages and asks#just. laying in my bed and discovering I actually developed a widow’s hump from looking at my phone a lot and stuff#like 😭😭😭😭 that’s the high life my friends. my twenties have been glorious#and let’s not forget the crippling anxiety on top cause my very close future is still written in the stars and I’m coping so well!#someone save me bro#anyway I’ll drive to the library tomorrow and Tuesday and try to get some writing done wish me luck#Wednesday's gonna be so fucking exhausting as well work-wise I can't wait for the coming week :)))
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day by day — yeonjun
#moasource#yeonjun#txt#choi yeonjun#tomorrow x together#tomorrow by together#txt fanart#fanart#mine:fanart.#mine.#f:yeonjun.#userhaknew#higabi#ayabestie#useryeonbins#this is the last yeonjun for a while i promise; this one’s for vivi#he looked too pretty to not give this a shot#i’ll try to draw someone from another group soon though everyone’s probably sick of me always coming back with yeonjun SODKDKFJ
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writing a slow burn enemies to lovers fic is. a lot harder. than I had expected.
#it’s why it took me so long to start akdhfkfjf#I’m just not used to writing slow burn!!!!#or enemies to lovers!!! lol#especially since enemies to lovers toes a very thin line#of this being too fast and all at once after a brief makeup#OR they’re too mean in the beginning and it’s like why do u have any attraction to that person at all.#so I’m trying to find the line of hesitant friendship somewhere along the line of that!!!!#even tho I’m only on chap three right now AKDHDKFJFJF#IM SO USED TO RUSHING THIS FEELS SO WEIRD!!!!!!#I’m ready for them to fugg#bc fugg is all I know I fear#but it’s coming along very well and I’m enjoying the writing process so much!!!#only downside is my wrist and back hurting#but trust and believe I’ll be back writing tomorrow ☝🏼#I’m enjoying this so much it’s so cathartic#I think I’m gonna write about five chapters first before I publish it and then write the rest as I go#I just know I can fall behind bc of school and depression but I’m really liking this so far!!!#also think I might upload on Monday’s or Thursdays??? idk#bc I do school tues/wed and I don’t typically get on my computer on sundays#and I usually go to bed either really late or really early Fridays LOL idk#I’m rambling soooo much I’m just so excited about this!!! OH and j made a banner and I love that too!!!!#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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I’m experiencing the men treating you different once they find out you’re a woman thing. Wild.
#considering making an email address for *chris*#I’m selling a larger item that’s pretty expensive#was going back and forth with this guy through a buy/sell site where I’m Chris#and then switched to my Chrissy email address#the dude has been so combative and shitty ever since#dude was coming cash in hand until we switched to email#now he’s trying to *justify the price*#saying the item isn’t up to his standard and shit#and that’s all fine and good if he just moved on#except he’s emailed twice and it just feels a bit like negging lol#so like I’ll respond tomorrow and tell him to kick rocks#and then I’m making a new fuckign email lolllll
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oh my gosh i keep forgetting it’s already halloween for some people
#happy hall of ween guys…#i dont have any art or candy i am busy cramming for a quiz and apps#i just submitted my first college app today!!! very relieved but also dreading when the decision comes back haha#october has not been kind to me. not that it ever is but#i’ll try to enjoy tomorrow (and maybe post some costume pics 👀)
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my dad: “you should come home earlier so you can spend time with your mother”
me, internally: why the fuck would I do that
#shhh sharkie#I’m specifically a) lying to him about where i’m spending the night tonight#and b) spending as little time at home tomorrow as I can before I come back to the city#I have zero desire to spend any quality time with either of my parents rn#I’m driving to nyc to spend the night with my person tonight and sleep over with them#and then finishing the drive to ct tomorrow to drop off the car and then amtrak the fuck out of there#he’s trying to guilt trip me into spending the night in ct instead of nyc but like why would I do that#yeah i’d love to have an uncomfortable evening with a group of passive aggressive people who judge me and my life#and watch a shitty movie i’ll hate and be judged for how many glasses of wine I have#definitely better than getting free drinks at a gourmet restaurant while i wait for my SO to finish up work#and then go smoke/drink and get lovingly railed within an inch of my life#definitely time with my parents is worth more than that 🙄#edit: coming back to this about a month later (2/2) and i kinda do wish i had arrived earlier to say hi to mom but still#more in that like. my parents have this preconceived notion that I hate them but that isn’t true#and i’d like as many opportunities as i can to disprove that#but also my mom is a self-centered narcissist and any slight against her is the worst crime in the world#so i’m okay missing her. but i did still want to see her.#or any of my siblings. it was just my dad and the pets.#which is great! i love how each of the dogs greet everyone#have to deal with Daisy first cause she needs to be Held and tell you she loves you#and then Dolly needs to lick all the moisturizer off your face and be a little potato#and Odie whines and patiently waits his turn but then he gets swaddled with affection#it’s a whole routine i love them all so much#and i miss my girl so much
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i was editing n writing n i was like why do i hate all of this why does this sound terrible to me now. and then i was like oh maybe because i’ve been doing it for. eight and a half hours.
#i wanted to edit n post the first bit but we’ll it is NOT happening because i started hating it x coming back to it tomorrow xx#fingers crossed it doesn’t suck that would um. be upsetting if it actually was bad :-/#i think part of why i struggle with it at points is there is wayyy more dialogue so i have less time for wanky pretentious descriptions#which. is a good thing i was trying to reel that back anyway. make my writing like. tighter#anyway!!!! anyway!! we’ll see how editing goes tomorrow :-) i’m getting tattoos tomorrow tho so idk how much time i’ll have#laura says some things
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Most of the time I think life is so so good and then I have one minuscule moment of pain again and it’s like nvm I need to die
#you ever have a good pain week and then you can feel your body getting tense again even when you’re trying to be proactive and it doesn’t#help anymore and you feel like a child again I feel like when I first started hurting when I first realized this was forever I feel like#when I would spend nights crying and thinking about how this was my body and this was my life and how it’ll be like this forever#I almost hate feeling good bc I forget how shitty it is when I hurt#like I truly forget that pain is forever when I have a good couple days and then it always comes back and even when it’s not brutal#immediately I know it will get there again.#I’m pmsing and I’m nervous bc I am stressed and I’ll be starting a new job next week and my shoulders are set more forward then they normal#are and ik it’s from driving and stress and sleeping in so many different places but like god how do I stop being afraid of my body#falling apart while im still using it.#I’m preparing myself for the inevitable endo flare. if it isn’t this month it’ll be some other month. how do I explain to a new boss that I#might have to call out a couple days in a row every month bc I’ll be busy curled up in a ball crying or sleeping for two days#how do I explain that I have to lie about how much I can carry and how long I can stay on my feet because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to#get a job anywhere#ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I feel incredibly young and small and my life is short and just beginning and it feels like it’s racing me to the end#I will hurt in some capacity forever. I just have to deal with that. between emotional and physical pain I am hurting constantly but this#last week has been so fucking good and I have to go back to my regular life tomorrow and try to be good and fix myself and still remember to#stretch even when I’m not driving ten hours and it’s just so hard#I hope I take care of myself. I hope I stop hurting I hope I can be happy soon
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my v3 bluray came in and i’ve started watching it! this time around it’s being subbed by tokutime and i’ve noticed a pretty interesting deviation in one line compared to the subs i originally watched v3 with.
so, i originally watched v3 with the glamrick subs and during the scene where kazami visits his family’s grave in the second episode he says this:
this scene stuck out to me on my first watch for a handful of reasons, but specifically the line “I have given up the body you gave me”
now, with the tokutime subs (forgive me i don’t have an exact quote of this scene or a screencap of it 😭) they translated this line as “I have lost the body you gave me” which gives you a different impression compared to how it was translated previously
with the tokutime subs he’s lamenting to family about the loss of his humanity, apologizing for losing the life that was given to him now that he’s a cyborg.
whereas with the glamrick subs kazami apologizes for giving up his body, he asked to become a cyborg and apologizes for giving up what he had
it’s a pretty small difference but to me it leaves two very different ideas about how kazami feels about becoming a kamen rider
#kamen rider v3#kazami shiro#i have more things to say about this but im tired and the words aren’t coming out the way i want to so i’ll probably come back to this later#if i can i’ll try to get screenshots or pictures of the scene tomorrow#sorry if this post is formatted weird i’m on mobile
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Simon gets a message from reader while he’s on base. It’s a video. The thumbnail looks like a blurred image of a store isle
Once he has a moment to himself, he’s able to sit back and finally check out what you had sent.
The camera pans down to show yours and simon’s two year old daughter. She has half a mini chocolate muffin clutched in her little baby fist and chocolate smudges on her nose and bright pink cheeks. She’s standing, staring at something out of frame.
The camera is a bit shaky and Simon can hear you trying desperately to hide your laughter.
“Baby,” you say, “baby, look at me.” You bend down to bring the camera closer to your daughter, who only turns to look at you for a second before going back to staring at the same spot out of frame.
“Who is that?”
Your daughter raised one of her chocolate covered hands to point towards whatever it was that had been captivating her the entire video. “Daddy.”
Simon here’s more of your pained stifled laughter and the camera follows your daughter’s gaze, revealing a cheaply made Halloween grim reaper statue, with dusty purple robes, a plastic scythe, and a hilariously misshapen skull face.
He reads the accompanying texts that had followed the video.
[She just started saying “daddy daddy” over and over and it took me forever to figure out what she was talking about]
[for a second I thought, “oh is he here?”]
[Im so dense lol]
[she really misses you ]
[I miss you too]
The next text was a picture of your daughter fast asleep in her car seat. Now cleaned of chocolate, she had replaced her muffin with a giant plastic rat that she hugged to her chest like a teddy bear.
[she refused to leave without it]
Simon smiles. It had been a long time since he had a family. People who loved waiting for him to come home.
Your texts had been sent hours ago, and he felt bad about not responding all day.
[that’s unfair. My mask is made of much better materials]
[I miss you both too. If everything goes right I should be home by Monday]
[and don’t call yourself dense]
Simon thinks for a moment, something eating at him about that video
[I wish she didn’t know about the mask. I don’t want her to see me that way]
You respond quickly, making Simon feel worse about his delayed reply
[Dont worry about that honey. She’s only two, and I think she only saw you wear in mask once once or twice. She’ll forget in a month.]
[She doesn’t see you as anything other than her daddy]
[her daddy and her jungle gym]
[lol yes that too]
[Im sorry I don’t have a lot of time. I’ll try and call you tomorrow]
[ok Im heading to bed now anyway]
[goodnight I love you ❤️]
[goodnight I love you too ❤️]
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Guess who’s struggling mentally because of their parents? :D
#personal#my mom this time#my parents have a knack for being completely normal and then taking a hard turn into judgment town#because it really does come out of nowhere when they start dissecting everything that’s wrong with their kids#and then of course they’ll get mad when we don’t like that and make it clear that we won’t stand for it#my mom: fine if you wanna struggle with your bad decisions then do what you want! we only wanted to help!#me: you literally suggested things that would’ve either made my situation worse or worsened someone else#I don’t want to give details but it’s stuff regarding my financial troubles#I’m not in as rough a spot now as I was a couple months ago#but it’s still not an easy time trying to crawl back up with the money I’ve managed to save#and my mom is under the impression that I don’t care and am only making things worse for myself all the time#(so is my dad but he didn’t text me out of the blue to tell me that today)#(he prefers to tell me in person)#hypocritical for a woman who only makes bad financial decisions and is in piles of credit card debt#like the call is coming from inside the house#I’m lucky I have my partner who’s been supportive through my struggle and of course for helping me get out of my parents’ house#but god I hate how they worm their way back into my brain so easily#make me second guess myself constantly and make me dislike every part of me#I’ll be fine in a few hours#tomorrow at the latest#just needed to vent#I know I’ll be okay#just gonna be not okay for a bit
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