#(I miss you ivcs please come back)

[akirakirxaa]

For the pose game

F1 Emet/Akira

Akira doesn't know how her life went exactly this far off the rails.

[voltagefangirl19]

Too Late (kbtbb fic)

Summary: In an AU where MC (Sakurai Yuuki) helps all bidders but doesn’t start an immediate relationship with neither, she gets kidnapped by a very resourceful and strong Mafia. Are the bidders able to save her on time?   Genre: angst Masterpost  Warning: this chapter contains mentions of sexual assault/rape under the cut, is not necessary to read to understand the rest of the story, so please mind your triggers and stay safe

<-- Previous  Chapter 4   Next -->

“There!” Ota exclaims looking at the video footage, he’s pointing to the image of Sakurai in her dark elegant night dress, being dragged to the employer’s service door, Mamoru follows them to the other camera, but it only looks black “What the…?” Kishi asks to the footage, he rewinds the tape on that same room and a couple of hours earlier he can see how a man with a mask put something in front of the camera, covering it “Tch, what are the odds?” he sarcastically adds “This was planned” The king murmurs, leaving a question to form inside everyone’s minds: ‘Why? Why would anyone want to hurt a kind girl like her?’ The answer comes right away: ‘Us… this is our fault’ “Soryu, block all the hotel entrances and get some of your men to look out for any girl that remotely resembles her” Ichinomiya starts barking orders, he was the first of the bidders that she had worked with, he was the first that brought her into this dark world, she had done so many things for him, even helping him find his sister, of course, he won’t let anything happen to her. “I’m already on it” the mobster answers while telling Samejima the instructions and adding an: “Look into any mafia organizations that are against us, any of our enemies could’ve done this and I want to know who did it!”  Soryu used to hate women, he found them irritating and smelly, but she was different, she was like their sunlight in the shadows, always lighting the place whenever she entered, and the dragons like her too, so it’s natural for him to go and protect her.   “Mamoru, find out who did she talked to, ask her colleagues if you have to, but don’t make a ruckus and don’t let them know we already on their lead” “Ya don’t have to say it twice” Kishi says as he’s exiting the lounge again, he feel as guilty and as anxious as when he discovered that the sect leader who he was investigating was going to abuse her, back then he felt guilty cause he thought that Sakurai was just a kid, but know… after she had saved the little police integrity he had left and himself, Kishi just knows that he couldn’t let anything happen to her. “Ota, tell the mad hatter to stop the auction” the ones who remain in the lounge grow tense for a minute… to stop the mad hatter’s party mid-auction… Yuuki really is something else, the most shocking thing for them is that they all agree with the decision, “Tell him to make something out, make sure that the guests return to the IVC and bring me the list of tonight’s buyers… also, I want to see the girl that was sold again” “You don't think that Yuuki was…” “We can’t discard the possibility” “Got it” Ota leaves the room, he, as the others, is worried sick, Sakurai’s really a nice and amusing girl that he wants to keep by his side, she gave him the motivation he needed for his masterpieces, she supported him when his art was stolen and he hadn’t really thanked her, besides, who would play with him if his precious koro was gone? He won’t let them take her. “Baba, she might…no, she must still be in the hotel…. Find her” with all honesty, Eisuke is really holding back as to not go out and look for her himself, but he knows that he has to stay and coordinate everything with a cold mindset, so it’s really difficult to say those words to the thief, and his partner knows that “Don’t worry Eisuke, I’ll bring her back” Baba says with all seriousness and vanishes. Mitsunari starts to look for her everywhere and he’s doing at record-breaking speed, he’s scared, a girl as kind and sweet as Sakurai doesn’t deserve to go through this again, the times when she was kidnapped where too many to count, and that’s why he is so against the idea of her staying as their little sunshine…. He’s against it, but he isn’t strong enough to let her go again; every time the bidders tried to let her go and have a normal life, she always got into trouble because of them, but then again, the others always were right at her side to help her, Baba could only pray for this time to not to be too late.

Back in the lounge, Eisuke sighs, he thinks back to the girl that was sold in the beginning, but she wasn’t her right? She couldn’t have been sold right in front of them. Surely they weren’t that blind as to not recognize her…. Right? “Soryu, call Luke and tell him to get here as soon as possible and get a hold on Hishikura and tell him to investigate the politicians that have a grudge against us” “Consider it done” The king’s phone rings, it’s Hikaru. “Eisuke… I found her phone signal”.

Yuuki’s POV

When I open my eyes, I’m in a different room, more like the hotel room I was before with the difference that this room is darker, but I can feel that I’m in a weird position, I can feel that I’m hanging from my wrist, my feet barely touching the floor, I look down to my body and I have to close my eyes at the embarrassing sight of the revealing schoolgirl two-piece outfit I’m wearing, the top is practically a white bra with decorations and the skirt is so tiny that it doesn’t cover a thing… did… did that person put me this… my body shivers just from that thought, ‘ugh… I can’t cry, even if it’s humiliating’

My arms hurt, I try to move a little… but I notice that my body is not responding me ‘what…?’ “My my, the little kitten is awake now” a grave voice sound from a distant and dark part of the room “You see… I really wanted to get starting as soon as I saw you but the drug, ah it’s a paralyzer, by the way, it really takes it’s time to kick in, we should probably take care of that” the owner of the voice was a young man, one that anyone that saw him on the street would think that is handsome, even I, in another situation, could be attracted by him, but now I really, really want to get away from him, I’m scared; he comes closer, I can feel my heart beat faster, my brain is yelling my body with all it’s might to move, but my body won’t listen and won’t move an inch, is frustrating, but my mind doesn’t focus on that, my thoughts are a mess, I want to at least bit my lip in despair, but I can’t even do that, I feel my entire being numb, I think I’m frowning and somehow I growl “Now, now, I paid a lot for you so please be a good kitten”  

The man puts his hands in my waist, I would like to say that I don’t feel them but that’s not the case, maybe my nerves make me more sensitive because, despite the overall numbness, I can feel the unsettling touch, ‘but then? Why my body won’t answer? Why can’t I move?’ His heat gets closer, god, I just want to get away, I just want to run out of here; a cold sweat goes down my neck, I know he says something, but I’m panicking, I can’t really understand. He is so close I can smell the wine in his breath, I want to throw up. I can feel his hands go to my legs and even if he’s barely touching me I can’t take the sensation, I want to close my legs so badly, but they won’t answer to my demands and stay in the same position. I close my eyes trying not to cry, I don’t want to show any more weakness, but immediately after, I can feel a sharp pain right in my knee, I shout but it only gets out as a little cry. “Don’t go closing your eyes now my kitten, you wouldn’t want to miss the fun” his eyes… there’s a sadistic and lustful glint on them, I look over his hand, he is holding a whip, I swallow and I can only wish for the drug to be strong enough as to paralyze my heart and kill me, I don’t want to live this… I’m too scared, I’ll rather be tortured before what I know he is thinking he is going to do to me. ‘please stop’ I really want to beg, but only a cry gets out, he looks satisfied and starts hitting me with the whip all over my body and I have to bite my tongue as to not do another sound, seeing my reaction he takes my chin and gets close to my face “Won’t you cry for my little kitten?” my body tenses or at least I would like it to, I can feel his lips over mine ‘no… I don’t want this! The only person I want to kiss is…’ in a little act of revelry I try and succeed in bitting him as hard as I can, as numb as I feel, the sensation is weird, but I can feel the pain in my face when he slaps me “You little bitch! This could’ve been easy on you, but since you are being this difficult… I suppose I won’t hold back any longer” He unties me and my body feels like a dead weight, he tosses me onto a bed, the few clothes moving as to let him see ‘his product’  ah I really want to throw up at those disgusting thoughts. He practically rips the bra, skirt, and underwear, I’ve never felt so expose and humiliated as now, I try to close my eyes but another sharp pain makes me open them, but I want to shut them again immediately; he looks hard, it’s my first time seeing a dick but I never thought it would look so scary, I can feel the corner of my eyes hot and my vision starts to get blurry. I know I shouldn’t let him see that he is having this effect on me, but I can’t help it… I don’t want this “Pl-please…st-stop” I manage to talk, but he only grins before slowly entering me. The pain is almost unbearable, this time, I do scream, at least until he puts his hand on my mouth “Shut up unless you want me to hurt you more” he starts moving ‘please no! Take it out! It hurts!’ I think with all my might, tears start falling, the pain is mixed with an electric sensation, I don’t even want to think how now I’m stained. “Ah…Ah… you are tight, yes… you virgins are the bests” I want to kick him off me, it hurts. I hate this! I hate this and I hate this man! I don’t even know you then why do you do this to me?! I can feel his other hand squeezing my breast and his teeth bite my nipple, I wince at that, it hurts! I don’t want to be here, I shouldn’t be here! I should be in the IVC or the lounge, next to him… then why? The man starts going faster and the pain, both the physical and the emotional, increases ‘just finish already’ I think bitterly, I can stop him like this, I know I’m not as strong as the others, but I still would’ve given a fight…. God no… ah… I can feel something strange entering me, I don’t think I have anything in my stomach, I would have thrown it to him by now, I can’t stop my tears by now, ‘I want to die’ my mind thinks. I see him taking out several bottles and needles out of a briefcase, he looks at me with an evil grin on his face “I still have a couple of hours left so why don’t we have fun trying the different effects of the drugs?” I close my eyes in despair and open them just to see the nightmare happening all over again.

[sarahjeonn]

fall quarter

looking back, the Lord has done a lot in me this past fall quarter. even though it felt like i was in a desert all alone, the Lord was carrying me all along. (it’s funny how that always seems to happen, huh? haha) 

1. whenever people asked me how i was doing at sb, i would always respond with a “please send help, i’m dying!!” or “i hate sb omg” and to be frank, it accurately depicted my heart’s expressions towards my school. i never wanted to go to sb and although i knew the Lord wanted and called me to go to this school but it was still really hard for me. the biggest reason was loneliness. one thing i learned through sb is that i come from a very strong Christian community. tkc and 4cm are both strong, rooted Christian communities that i realized i took for granted because when i came to sb, oh man.. HAHAHAHA i struggled so hard to find a community similar to the charisma, passion, and love for God as the ones back home. i tried kcm and epic and i would always return to my dorm with sadness and loneliness because i felt misunderstood and alone. i’m not that mature in my faith but i struggled to find peers that desired God as much as i did. it seemed like no matter how hard i tried, i only came face to face with those who solely wanted “fellowship” and friendships but... i want so much more than that. I lacked a sense of belonging and wrestled with God because I knew my desires for community were of Him... so why am I struggling so much compared to my friends at other schools? however, the beauty of loneliness is that a desire and necessity to depend on God stems out of it. as i felt unsatisfied with the community around me, the Lord continued to grow my conviction and longing to commune with Him. although i have not (yet) obtained a solidified, ritual secret place with the Lord, i know that my desire for God has grown tremendously and that the tendency to throw in the towel and give up has left. thank you, Lord, that you love me and you run after me.

2. another thing about community i realized is i am a great idealist when it comes to people. about three to four weeks ago, i felt the Lord press something upon my heart. why am i low-key bitter at certain people in sb when i barely know them? as i prayed and talked internally about this, i realized many of my expectations on how i want to be loved and cared for have been broken and i have a standard of what kind of christian community i want because of btm + 4cm. furthermore, i get let down and bitter because prominent figures in my life, such as Pastor Will + Andrea and my biological dad, either let me down by leaving (literally like they legit lived in Mexico LOL) or not being there for me as much as they used to be (due to school, church, etc.) when God revealed this to me, i felt Him ask me to surrender my expectations for community and ideals for what a Christian community is supposed to look like. through that, a lot changed actually, haha. one, i started missing my mom HAHAH. and if you know me, i don’t miss my mom much because i haven’t lived with her since the divorce (freshman year) and i just got used to not seeing her much. so this was quite the shocker, haha. second, i started a prayer meeting with some freshman in epic + kcm bc... honestly, i need to pray and i need to be kept accountable LOL. but i kinda structured it as a house church and i ended up making two friends (Olivia + Katelyn) out of it!!! and third, i actually got convicted to join kcm because long story short, i held a lot of negative opinions regarding the kind of people in kcm and just thought of it as a waste of my time in the few times I went. but honestly, as i started to surrender my expectation for community, i actually began to find community!! so crazy, huh? haha. of course, i haven’t quite attained a solid christian community yet but... this is a start :’)

3. since i’m in sb, i hardly come down to OC (once a month, twice at most?) but when i do, i attend BTM service. and honestly, this past sunday, i got a bit sad. as i saw my peers such as eugene, ashley, and paul, i rejoiced with them because i can tell they are growing and thriving so much in Him. whether it’s serving in children’s ministry or in BTM, each of them are growing spiritually and learning leadership skills. but man, i can’t help but wish i can partake in that. it’s not that i’m jealous because i am happy for them but honestly,  i wish i can be with them and grow with them as well, y’know? I want to grow alongside my community and serve my home church too. as i was wrestling with God about my sadness, i felt the Lord press upon my heart to just stop and reflect. although i’m not in oc and serving/growing how i would like, i cannot deny that the Lord is doing a work in me at SB. He is growing and stretching me in ways that are more unseen and discreet... and didn’t i ask the Lord to stretch and grow me in ways i couldn’t back home? haha, once again, i am reminded of my foolishness. although i want a certain type of growth, the Lord is going an opposite route to the same direction!! thank you, Jesus, that you love me and that your way is higher. sometimes it’s really hard for me to trust you, to be completely honest, so thank you or being patient with me, Lord!!

4. there are two churches that a majority of my fellowship/campus ministries attend: Real Life and Anthem. these are multi-ethnic mega churches and it seems like a lot of people seem to enjoy it!!!! however, i actually chose isla vista church (ivc, for short) which only three people from my fellowship attend HAHAH. although not many attend ivc, I really enjoy ivc bc honestly, they just love God and are so abandoned for the gospel. through this church, my definition of church shifted. I realized that when people complain that “the worship was subpar today” or “the sermon wasn't that good today because it didn't really apply to my season right now”, it’s because they don't receive anything from the Lord in their secret place so they try to receive what they need from the Lord at church. once I had that revelation, I loved ivc ever since. I love it because they don’t follow church template so sometimes, there’s more worship or sometimes there’s no sermon but I always leave wanting more of Christ because man, these people are so wholehearted after the Lord.

all in all, I am growing!! it’s very different from what I wanted/expected but... the Lord knows better!! He is bringing healing to my heart and (hopefully) softening it as well. thank you, Jesus, that you love me and that through and in you, I find freedom and joy. I love you, Jesus.

[createlogicuniverse]

Murder on the Tres Spades Cruise - Part 2

Part 1 - https://createlogicuniverse.tumblr.com/post/167654453798/murder-on-the-tres-spade-cruise-part-1

I don’t recall falling asleep but I wake up to the sun in my eyes. I roll over and Eisuke is no longer there. The bed is still warm though and I can hear the shower start in the background. I get out of bed and head to the kitchen to make his morning coffee. I have some breakfast and jump into the shower when Eisuke finishes.

I kiss him goodbye and head off down the stairs to go to work. Just as I go into the hallway leading to the elevator, Mr Kenzaki comes running down the hall past me and straight into the penthouse. He looked almost scared. I wonder what’s happened.

I meet Chisato at the first suite on the 5th floor. “Lily” she calls when she sees me. She too also seems very nervous.

“Hey Chisato. What’s wrong.” She looks around to see if anyone is there and pulls me into the room.

“You mean you haven’t heard what’s happened.” I look at her questioningly and she continues “Someone was murdered last night on the ship. They found him this morning in the staff closet near the ballroom. You know the one.”

“Umm... yeah....I know the one.” I’m so shocked I don’t know what to say and as if on cue the penthouse pager goes off. “I’m sorry Chisato I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.” I race out of the room and up to the penthouse to see Eisuke. I can’t believe someone got murdered on our cruise. This is just terrible. Who could do such a thing.

I reach the penthouse lounge and find everyone there except Mamoru. Mr Kenzaki is standing next to Eisuke, talking to him. Eisuke looks up when I come in and there is a brief look of relief on his face. I sit down next to him and he turns back to Mr Kenzaki “This needs to be kept quiet amongst the ship and the crew, I don’t want to cause a panic. Call an emergency staff meeting in 30 minutes.”

“Yes Sir.” Mr Kenzaki bows and leaves the penthouse.

Eisuke lets out a sigh, leans back on the lounge and puts his arm over my shoulder. “You are to stay by my side at all times.”

“So it’s all true. How did this happen?” The bidders have all been sitting quietly since I arrived, watching Eisuke and to see what he wants to do next. He explains that the person was found this morning by the cleaning staff, he was covered in bruises and had been stabbed in the chest. They don’t know who the person is yet but Mamoru was on the case.

“We will find out who did this Eisuke, my men are watching everywhere.” Soryu says but it does little to reassure him.

I put my hand on Eiskue’s leg and smile at him. “We will get through this together.” He leans in and kisses me.

Just as we break away Mamoru suddenly runs into the room with a laptop in his hands. “Mamoru, what did you find. Who is he?” Eisuke says calmly.

“Umm...there’s a big problem...” Mamoru pauses.

“What!?” Eisuke snaps.

“The person is Hiroshi Kato and...”

I gasp loudly feeling the blood suddenly drains from my face.

“What!” Ota exclaims.

“Eisuke, didn’t you almost do business with him?” Baba says.

“This isn’t good.” Soryu utters.

“Lily is the main suspect isn’t she.” Everyone looks towards Eisuke and he has a blank expression on his face.

“How did you know that?” Mamoru says.

“Because she argued with him last night during the party.” I hang my head and tears begin to form in my eyes. Eisuke takes my chin and makes me look up at him. “Weren’t you the one who said we would get through this together. I’ll find a way to prove you're innocent.” He is so calm and determined I start to believe it.

“I’ve got the video footage for you.” Mamoru sits down on the other side of Eisuke and brings up the video.

You can see Hiroshi walk up to me and we are talking but you can’t really make out what’s being said until I say “You stay away from him and me.” Most of the conversation is audible from then on. Hiroshi grabs me and I slap him then take off. That is the end of the video, apparently there aren’t any cameras down the hallway, so that was the last time we see him alive.

“Lily, we found what we assume to be your shoes in the hallway as well. I’m sorry but I need to take you for questioning” Mamoru says solemnly.

I go to shakily stand up but Eisuke grabs my hand. “I’ll go with you” he states.

“Thank you Eisuke but you have the emergency meeting in 10 minutes with the staff. Also I don’t think you should be seen with me during the questioning. This is your cruise ship after all.” I don’t want people to think he is biased on this matter, Hiroshi did threaten both of us and I don’t want him to get pulled into this.

He looks at me and pauses. “Fine.” Eisuke lets go of my hand and watches as I walk off with Mamoru.

We walk towards a conference room, “I’m sorry kid, but my hands are tied.”

“I know, you’re just doing your job.”

We walk into the room and I'm greeted by a short stumpy man. The atmosphere is so intense you could cut through it with a knife.

“Miss Yoshida, this is Inspector Tanaka. He will be in charge of this case. Please take a seat” Mamoru says very formally. I suspect the Inspector doesn’t know that we are all friends. I bow towards him and take a seat.

Mamoru and the inspector sit down across from me and start the voice recorder. “Miss Yoshida, can you please tell me what happened last night”

After watching the video from the security camera, everything comes back to me so vividly. I tell them everything that happened as they sit there staring at me.

“So, no one knew you went outside, is that correct?”

“Yes, I didn’t want to worry Eisuke that I was unwell”

“You admit you threatened him?”

“Yes, only because he threatened Eisuke and myself first.” I start to feel that this is not going to end well.

“You are mindful we found your high heels at the crime scene?”

“Yes, because I was trying to run away from him, I kicked off the heels to go faster”

“And you are aware that you had the opportunity to kill Mr Kato?”

“Uhh, I wouldn’t say that. Once I ran back to the ballroom I went to the powder room so I could catch my breath”

“But we have no record of you entering the powder room, only that you left the party with Mr Ichinomiya. There is a 10 minute window between when you are seen on the deck to when you left the IVC”

“No, I didn’t kill him! I…I only slapped him because he grabbed me. It…it was self-defence!” I start to wobble and I feel light headed again. There are tears in my eyes and Mamoru looks at me with sorrow and sadness. “The first time I stand up to someone and defend myself and my fiancé, they end up…dead.” I can no longer stop the wails from coming and break down.

The door to the conference room suddenly opens and Eisuke is standing there. “Mr Ichinomiya! I cannot allow you to barge in here. We are in the middle of a private investigation here. You must leave at once.” The Inspector is stunned at Eisuke’s actions.

“I will not allow you to torture one of my employees much less my fiancé!” He says sternly.

“Eisuke” I whisper. His figure is blurred by the tears. “I don’t want to drag you into this, you have your reputation to think about”

“To hell with my reputation! You are much more important to me”

“Mr Ichinomiya, I must insist that you leave. I understand that you are the owner of this cruise ship but we are trying to do our jobs. Mr Kishi, please escort him out”

Mamoru who has remained silent this whole time, stands up and walks over to Eisuke. “Come with me” Eisuke reluctantly follows him out of the room and shuts the door.

“Well Miss Yoshida, back to our questioning”

Part 3 - https://createlogicuniverse.tumblr.com/post/167729727148/murder-on-the-tres-spades-cruise-part-3

[studylifeusa]

Flawerisa End from Indonesia is majoring in Business Administration at Irvine Valley College

Why did you decide to study in the USA?

I decided to study in the USA because it has a very reputable education system.

Why did you choose this particular college or university? What attracted you about your school? Please mention such factors as location, reputation, courses offered. What is special about your school and its location?

Irvine Valley College is special for me because of the reputation and location. Irvine Valley College has the highest transfer rate in Orange County, and it is also very close to where I live.

What do you like best about your program or university?

What I like best about my program is that, the professors and staff are very nice and helpful. They make my learning experience worthwhile. I am also very satisfied with the resources that IVC has provided, such as the tutoring center. It makes it easier for me to study and do my assignments.

What do you miss most about home?

I miss my mom’s cooking most.

What was your biggest surprise about U.S. life and education?

My biggest surprise was the first day of class. It was the first time that I have ever seen anyone wait listed or petitioning to get into a filled class. There were people standing because the seats were all taken.

... your biggest disappointment?

My biggest disappointment is that, I can’t go anywhere without a car. The roads are super long and big.            

How have you handled:

... language differences?

At first, it is super hard to listen and speak to a native speaker. I feel like everyone is talking very fast and difficult to understand. But after a while it gets better. Before, every time I tried to talk, I would have to translate it from Indonesian language to English in my mind. But now, everything just comes out as English for me.

... finances?

Living in US is very expensive. We pay a lot more for tuition and the dollar currency is also very high compared to indonesian currency.

... adjusting to a different educational system?

I think I adjusted pretty quickly. It is very fascinating to me that a lot of the homework is online on platforms such as canvas, mindtap, connect, aplia, etc.

What are your activities? (clubs, sports, student associations, travel, homestay programs, special activities or trips sponsored by your program)

I am currently participating in the International Students Club. I am the Dırector of Activities for the club. It is a lot of fun as I can meet many new people.

How easy or difficult is making friends in the USA?

I think it really depends on how much you’re interacting with people. If you are in a club, you will meet more people and can make more friends.

What are your career goals? How is your U.S. education relevant to your personal goals and to the needs of your country?

I am planning to be an accountant. The experience from studying in the US will surely be an asset for me when I go back to Indonesia.

What is your advice to other students from your country who are considering a U.S. education?

Studying in the US is very fun and interesting. Everyone is very passionate in learning and it makes you want to learn more too. If you are interested in studying in US, here are some things that I would like to recommend. Make sure to visit the college counselors and register for your classes before the semester starts. Living expenses are expensive, so having roommates will help you with the cost. You might want to live around the school area, as it is easier to commute. If you are not sure on what to do for school related issues, as it is the first time for you, I would recommend that you schedule an appointment and meet with the college counselors. They are very nice and will help you tremendously.

Download Study in the USA ® Magazines

[emilyplaysotome]

Part 35 - Girl Talk

Down the Voltage Rabbit Hole is an ongoing story about our MC, who could easily be anyone in voltage fandom. She woke up in hospital bed only to discover that she’d somehow been transported Voltage universe.

This story is ongoing, so if you missed a part, or are new to the story, please use the link to the masterpost below to catch yourself up:

https://tinyurl.com/k4rrxna

Part 35 - Girl Talk

Growing up I was a bit of a late bloomer.

When the boy band craze hit my group of friends (fresh on the heels of girl-power groups such as the Spice Girls), I excitedly accompanied everyone to the mall, buying whatever new cassette was making its way up the charts. Even though I feigned excitement over the boys (really men) who comprised these groups, it wouldn't be until a year later in the 10th grade when my first real crush would hit me like a Mack truck.

His name was Jordan and in typical High School fashion he’d spent the summer between 9th and 10th grade growing from a scrawny middle school looking child to 6’2” broad shouldered man. 

He walked into homeroom on the first day and I felt myself watching his every move, unable to look away. I’d never experienced attraction on that level before - unsure of what these feelings were. It was the first time I had the desire to reach out and touch someone - a desire to make him smile, and to be by his side.

In true, awkward teenage fashion, I did nothing about it except occasionally stammer when he spoke to me a few times that year, and instead watched him from afar, pining for him secretly and silently.

After that experience it dawned on me that my friends had already felt these emotions for several different boys, including the ones that made up the boy bands we listened to. Suddenly it made a ton of sense as to why at every concert they’d scream so loudly, praying and crying that one of the guys on stage would look their way. They’d spend hours getting ready, making signs, and in tenth grade I finally understood why. 

That day in homeroom, where I first laid eyes on post-puberty Jordan was the day I became a woman. 

It was the day in which I was given a glimpse of the agony to come from my emotions, at the hands of cute boys/handsome men, who had not been a factor for me up until that point.

Getting ready, alone in Zyglavis’ room, I was hit with a strong sense of nostalgia as I thought back to my own childhood bedroom before my first Backstreet Boys concert. 

It had been pre-Jordan, and I’d gotten ready in a similar enthusiastic fashion. The outfit Zyglavis had left for me was similar to the one I’d worn back then - an official band t-shirt, with dark jeans, and (Kyohei’s) limited edition converse style sneakers.

Looking in the mirror, I tied my long hair back into a ponytail with a red ribbon that matched my sneakers, and felt a bit juvenile upon catching my reflection in the mirror. 

Even though I was currently 30 (a few months shy of my 31st birthday), ignoring a handful of grey hairs I still looked like I did when I was a teenager. Seeing myself in boy band attire combined with my youthful, makeup-free face only hammered that point home harder. I couldn’t help but smile at the girl in front of me as I thought about how much I’d come full circle recently.

Here I was with my head finally on straight (perhaps in part to my waning PMS), looking the way I did 15 years ago, and ready to enjoy my night without any plans for romance. I was about to have some good, clean fun with a friend and in that moment I felt 30 going on 13.

Keeping that in mind, I grabbed my phone, wallet (cash reserves replenished thanks to Zyglavis), and a healthy amount of tampons (to get me through the night) which I stuffed into a small tote that I’d accumulated somewhere along the way.

I gave the room (and myself) a once-over before heading out, and with a huge smile on my face made my way to the train to meet up with Sakiko.

I would be remiss to say that I was no longer thinking about Zyglavis (or Namba, or Shun for that matter) and as I waited for the train, thoughts surrounding these men came creeping back.

Naturally, it was impossible to forget the fact that Zyglavis and I had almost kissed, especially when I’d spent the past few days leading up to it fantasizing about what that would be like. He’d given me my space in attempt to respect my wishes to get home, and I knew that it would be unlikely we’d cross paths before the weekend was up.

Knowing the kind of man he was, it didn’t matter how badly he wanted to see me - he would adhere to what made most sense logically, and as a result would hold back from doing anything that would interfere with my choices moving forward. I wasn’t sure exactly how I felt about this, but I knew for the next few days I didn’t really have much of say in the matter.

Being a God, I wasn’t able to get in touch with him the way I would Shun or Namba, and knowing that he was once more out of my reach for the time being, I committed myself to making the best of my single and fabulous life. Returning to the well rounded, fully fleshed out woman I was held more importance to me than any boyfriend or lover, but being the intelligent woman I was, I was beginning to hope to have my cake and eat it too.

After all, I’d managed to keep my wits about me when navigating this world and there was no rule indicating that I couldn’t bring someone home with me. 

With everything I’d been through here, I thought it only fair to return with a prize of sorts, and at the moment it was fair to say that Zyglavis was my top choice.

However, I knew that I’d have to take everything one step at a time, and as the train pulled into the station I boarded it with a spring in my step, excited to enjoy my fun friend date with Sakiko.

We had planned to grab dinner before the concert at a cute cafe by the Tres Spades, and as I got closer to our meeting place, I saw Sakiko waiting just outside of the restaurant. Her face lit up with recognition upon seeing me, and she smiled and waved me over to her.

She was dressed casually for the concert, and I noted to myself that it was always funny to see her outside of her usual Tres Spades attire. 

Sakiko was a pretty woman, and her girl-next-door beauty was even more evident outside of the workplace. I hadn’t seen her for some time now and found myself more excited than I’d initially expected about this friend date of ours.

“Ami!” she exclaimed as I got closer, “Thank you so much for inviting me!”

“Of course! I’m happy you were up for it.”

“Up for it! I love Revance,” she said wearing a girlish smile. “Sir Kyo is...so dreamy.”

She blushed, and pressed her hands to her cheeks in attempt to stop the crimson hue that was creeping up her neck and face.

“I know it’s childish to fantasize about pop stars but…”

“Oh please,” I said dismissively, “in our heart of hearts, deep down no matter how old I get I find I’m forever who I was at 13. Like...I just can’t seem to shake that awkward teenage girl inside of me.”

Sakiko laughed, and nodded in agreement.

“That’s so true!”

“For sure. Tonight will be fun. You can scream your face off for Sir Kyo and I won’t say a thing.”

“Just...don’t tell Eiki….” she asked demurely.

“Eiki, eh? So that’s still going well?”

Sakiko nodded bashfully, and I followed her into the restaurant as we continued to catch up.

She told me that their biggest obstacle as a couple had been coordinating their schedules, but since that night we’d all hung out at Station things had progressed in the kind of direction that most women hope for. After a few dates, he admitted that he was only seeing her, and hoped that she might be doing the same. When it came to light that they were essentially exclusive, he asked her to be his girlfriend, and she said yes.

They had only been official for a couple of days now, but I congratulated her nonetheless as I could tell that she was genuinely over the moon about it all. 

She thanked me and let me know that if they ever got married I’d have to be the maid of honor since they wouldn’t have met had it not been for me. I insisted she didn’t need to do that, but she remained steadfast in her belief that I was the person who deserved all the credit for her current happiness. 

When our dinner arrived, she changed the subject to me, and my love life, asking me about my side of things concerning Hiroshi.

“I’m not going to lie,” she admitted, “Eiki told me that he was pretty broken up about it. I was surprised too! I thought you two were really good together…”

“Yeah…well…”

I trailed off. It was hard to tell Sakiko that I’d been a bit of a player, but if I couldn’t be honest with a girlfriend I hoped to become closer to, who could I be honest with?

I found myself telling her about the bidders at the Tres Spades and she listened to my story with wide eyes, finally piecing together my connection to Eisuke (and why he’d interrupted her at work to ask about me).

Obviously I left out the part about the auctions, and the traumatic events at the hands of the VIP’s since I didn’t want to frighten her, but I essentially told her that I’d gone for it with Soryu (aka the hot, scary looking one as she called him) and it hadn’t worked out. 

Sakiko was full of questions about the VIPs, seeing as how they seemed to live in an opulent world which was far different than the one she lived in, and I tried my best to answer them, while at the same time being cognizant of the fact that I didn’t want to romanticize any of them for fear she might be tempted to involve herself with them.

The one thing I did tell her (and with more fondness than I expected) in an attempt to illustrate why I’d opted for Soryu over Hiroshi, was the time that Soryu had shown up at my door to invite me to the IVC party. 

Sakiko hung on my every word as I described the party that I’d been whisked away from, and my heart broke a little when I thought back to how happy I’d been standing next to him. I thought about the letter he’d written me, and the check that sat in my underwear drawer, and felt myself pushing down those fond feelings as I reminded myself that our love story had not been as dreamy as I was currently making it out to be.

I was only doing this so Sakiko would understand my point of view, seeing as how it was entirely possible that Eiki might get wind of this. Sakiko didn’t strike me as someone who was a gossip, but should she tell Eiki my side of things it was entirely possible that he might relay the information to Hiroshi, and I wanted her to know that in order to give my relationship with Soryu a real chance, I had to end things with Hiroshi. From a timeline perspective this wasn’t entirely true, but if a white lie was going to be the difference between getting her to see it my way versus feeling sorry for Hiroshi, I was prepared to lie a bit.

After that, I switched gears from my failed relationship with Soryu to Hiroshi and why I’d been so hard on him. I maintained that while I thought the world of him and hated having to hurt him, he had been way too clingy and hadn’t picked up on my letting him down easy. I told her that it had gotten to the point where I needed to be cruel to be kind, and I genuinely felt bad about how mean I’d been by the end of it all.

“He does seem like the clingy type...and even Eiki has mentioned he’s clueless when it comes to women,” Sakiko agreed.

“He’s so clueless. I mean...it’s endearing but I just wasn’t ready for how serious he wanted us to be.”

“So...on that note, are you seeing anyone now?”

“Funny story actually…”

Sakiko’s jaw dropped a bit in hearing about my saga to find the man who saved me, and how I’d stumbled into a bevy of romantic prospects along the way.

Like two school girls, we gossiped over Shun and Jin’s FriendFind photos, and even she admitted it was hard to choose between the two based on looks alone. Just as she was wrestling over who was more attractive, I showed her a few of my secret Zyglavis photos that I’d snapped on my phone (for the purposes of my eyes only), and she was triply confused insofar as who was the best looking of the group.

I’ll admit that none of my photos of him were very good, since I took them under false pretenses (pretending as if I was photographing our food or scenery), but there was one where I’d caught his handsome profile gazing out of the train window. I’d taken it the day we’d headed to Seishun, and it was the most accurate representation of his looks.

I watched as Sakiko zoomed in, finally exclaiming, “Ami! You’re living every girl’s dream!”

“That’s not even the best part,” I said with a smirk, “Guess how I got these tickets?”

Sakiko just about lost her mind when she heard that I’d stepped foot into Revance’s home.

I’d omitted the part about seeing Iori in the bath (for fear her nose would explode), or having walked away from him in the park, and instead focused on the fact that he’d been the one to save me. Knowing that she was a Kyohei fan, I didn’t tell her about the fact that I’d worn an outfit from one of his groupies, nor did I mention the amount of makeup he wore in order to hide his bad skin.

Instead I focused on the cinderella story of it all - how my secret hobby of lyric writing had ended with a chance encounter with Revance, and as fate would have it, one of their members saved me. I swore her to secrecy about the whole lyric writing aspect, knowing full well the amount of crap they’d ever get if it were to come out that I had ghostwritten a song. However, being the sweet woman she was, I had no doubt her lips were sealed. 

It felt good to have a friend I could confide in - a real friend, and not a man masquerading as one. Not wanting to be a braggart or alienate Sakiko, I suddenly became a bit self conscious about everything I’d told her and tried my best to downplay the events in my life after leaving the Tres Spades.

“So yeah...things have been kind of crazy since I left.”

“I should say so! Gosh now I’m even more excited for tonight,” Sakiko said, her eyes sparkling. “Do you think we’ll get to go backstage?”

“Pretty sure.”

I watched as it dawned on her that she would be meeting Kyohei Rikudoh later tonight, and her surprisingly she didn’t smile but conversely scrunched up her face with a small pout.

“I can’t believe it. I finally fall for a guy and now I’m meeting Sir Kyo.”

“It’s not too late to dump Eiki,” I joked, as the waitress placed our dessert in front of us.

Sakiko let out a sigh and I couldn't tell how sincere it was. She reached out and using her fork, ripped off a small bite of the strawberry pancakes in front of us, letting me in on her thoughts.

"Eiki isn't a pop star, but I think he’s just as handsome,” she finally said, letting out a dreamy sigh. "I think that must mean I'm really in love right? That I'd choose him over Kyohei any day."

"Yeah I'd say so..."

After that the conversation petered off for a bit.

I tried to get a sense of what Sakiko did outside of work and Eiki, but like most two dimensional sidekicks in this world she was betrayed by her inherent nature. When I extended an invitation for her to join me at Kendo or Ceramics she looked confused, unsure as to what purpose that would serve her in life.

It was frustrating to have a friend who was only useful at superficial small talk and I yearned for the smart, confident, funny women that I had been proud to call my friends back home. I’d taken for granted how we’d all been able to have love lives while maintaining our strong senses of self.

The last time I’d been out to eat with a girlfriend we’d discussed her middle grade novel becoming a New York Times best seller, in addition to all the horrific dates I’d been on. We joked that her next best seller could be about my floundering love life, and then moved on to more interesting topics that had nothing to do with men. 

Looking back, that interaction was so different than anything I’d experienced in this world, and I quickly realized that speaking with Sakiko had only reinforced the fact that everything in otome-ville was trying to make me a basic bitch in order to trap me here.

Thankfully, now that I was aware of that fact, I wasn’t going to fall for it.

Furthermore, I wanted to believe that Sakiko had the potential to grow beyond her programming. At the moment her interests seemed fairly limited to what I’d put in a voltage character starter pack (men, yummy food, and work), so I decided to capitalize on one of her interests and start a restaurant club here, like I had back home.

When I suggested it, she lit up and was immediately on board. 

She suggested we extend an invite to Chisato, and I agreed suggesting we include the MC from Conte since food was best shared amongst groups of four. The conversation picked up again, and we started planning where our first meeting would be held.

It was cute to see Sakiko so excited about something other than Eiki, and even though the women in my new restaurant club were a far cry for my power players back home, they would still provide me with a much needed escape from the men whose powers of seduction had chained me to my newfound basic-ness.

Sakiko and I had a blast at the concert, even though I was certain that I was the oldest woman in attendance.

The venue was absolutely packed, and I was thankful that we’d been gifted with VIP tickets that ensured we were a good distance away from everyone with a general admission ticket, and very close to the stage.

I had attended the concert under the assumption that most women in world would agree with the fact that all boy bands are super cheesy, but we love them anyway, despite knowing this in our heart of hearts. 

After all, boy bands are often prisoners of whatever fashion statement is happening at the time, which is why in retrospect all those 90s bands I loved so much look so absurd in all of their promotional posters and images. Revance, like N*Sync or BSB, was similarly ridiculous as they all grinded in unison for a mob mostly comprised of screaming teenage girls. 

They were a bunch of grown men, in their late 20s, singing and dancing for children who mentally explored their sexuality with the member of their choosing. The fact that they seemed to be so serious about it was refreshing in a sense, but I figured that both Sakiko and I were on the same page in realizing the display before us was somewhat comical, and a far cry from what an adult women would consider “sexy”.

However, it soon became clear that for Sakiko, that was not the case.

At one point I was literally laughing out loud at one of the group’s choreographed dance moves. It ended in Kyohei sliding forward on his knees as he showed off his absurd cross belly button ring while holding out his hand to the audience, crooning Ryo’s overly sentimental lyrics.

The entire move was so incredibly unsexy and preposterous that I simply couldn’t help myself. When I turned to look at Sakiko to see if she’d found the move as funny as I had, it was clear that, unlike me, she had been completely charmed by it.

With tears in her eyes she reached towards the stage and screamed, “Sir Kyo!” and I found myself unable to contain my laughter. 

Tears soon formed in my eyes for very different reasons, and I was close enough to the band that I know they took note of it, masking their obvious confusion and disdain with their typical boy band schtick. I tried my best to regain my composure, but the fact remained that I was still a 30 year old woman and I had moved past the phase where cute boys dancing in unison did anything for me. 

These days I was made weak in the knees by more mature men, and I found myself thinking about how sexy Namba looked first thing in the morning, as he got ready for his real job which kept civilians safe.

I felt my heart flutter a bit at the memory, and began to question who it was exactly that I wanted to take home with me...

...because I was becoming more and more certain that I would be taking someone home with me. I was not about to have taken a three week detour on my life only to leave this world empty handed.

No - I’d been gifted with the experience of meeting a myriad of perfect men who were far better than anyone I could ever expect to date back home, and I was going to have it all - my career, my friends, my family, and now, the man that I always believed I deserved.

I was not the kind of MC who could ever be satisfied with the man alone, and I was going to get my happy ending. 

The question now was just...with whom.

To be continued…in Part 36

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[whatdoyouexpectthistime]

“Choosing Sides” Part Twenty-One - When Cut

“Miho,” came a soft, yet concerned intrusion, but it was the pressure of a hand on her shoulder that really jolted her awake.

She gasped for breath, her body hot and shuddering and sweaty and humming with familiar endorphin release.

In my sleep? Did I actually…?

“Awake now?” Baba smiled, sitting beside her on the bed.

Peering around through bleary eyes, wiping at tear-moist cheeks, Miho realised she was in Baba’s suite, fully clothed still and half tucked under tangled sheets.

I dreamt that?

“What…?”

“You fell asleep on the couch,” Baba answered, searching her flushed cheeks, analysing the slump of her shoulders and the sheen of perspiration that covered her exposed skin. “Thought you might be more comfortable in here – you have a nightmare?”

I didn’t go with him. I didn’t break my cover. I didn’t… he didn’t…

And yet, the recollection of Eisuke’s touch, of the sweet pressure of his lips on hers, and the relentless thrust of him inside,  lingered; her body remembered, even if the mind had conjured it all.

“Yeah,” she swallowed as she finally made eye contact with him; he looked surprised.

Perhaps he saw it in those eyes, lust she tried to bury, but that wavered in her gaze – a gaze he had seen directed at him many times before. He could not deny wanting to answer that dim smoulder, but hesitated because of what had happened earlier… because she was here as more than just a hookup, in his life, and she had already drawn a line regardless of what her expression suggested now.

And while Baba processed these thoughts, Miho struggled to calm the throb of her body beneath the sheets, and the urge to touch herself to relieve some of the tension as it grew again.

“Come on, back to sleep,” Baba instructed finally, pushing her back against the mattress. “There’s still a few hours of dark left.”

“Don’t go,” she croaked out suddenly, the heady desire of seconds ago spirally into a fluster of tears. “I… don’t want to remember doing that, just, please, Baba… just lie here with me?”

Of course he couldn’t know what it was she didn’t want to remember doing, but he couldn’t leave her in distress.

“Of course I’ll stay,” he told her warmly, moving around the bed, stripping away his jacket, shoes and belt, before sliding in under the covers.

Relief relaxed the heavy beat of her heart, and as Baba settled Miho’s head against his chest and once more began to stroke her hair, the remnants of sexual arousal ebbed away.

“Tomorrow you’re having a day off,” he told her quietly, but Miho didn’t respond.

His scent filled her nostrils, replacing chlorine and the chilled night air, and it was not too long before sleep claimed her once more.

 When morning rolled around, Miho was glad to wake having dreamt no more. Baba mumbled against the side of her head as he stirred, and Miho had to smile. She didn’t know much about him at all, but it seemed she could rely on him to comfort her when she needed it – he really was genuine in his concern for her, and his actions proved he thought carefully about what was best for her, rather than what he might want.

He could have had her, just pushed her into the mattress and ravished her, and she would have let him, wanted him to - but as she now stared at the gentle daze of his awakening face she was glad.

“Morning,” he smiled and kissed her hair, the remnants of sleep making the words leave his lips lazily.

How easy would it be to stay like this? To be loved like this?

“Morning,” she reciprocated, giving his body a squeeze before retracting the arm she had folded over him, and wriggling out of bed.

“Hey, I said you’re taking the day,” he reminded her, watching her cross to the bathroom door.

“I have too much work to do,” she told him, pausing to look back. “The IVC is only a day away…”

“Selina can handle it,” he told her firmly, kicking back the covers. “I’ll talk to Kenzaki, it’ll be fine – and it’d probably do you good to keep a bit of a low profile for a couple of days. Eisuke knows how to hold a grudge.”

At the sound of his name, Miho’s stomach clenched.

“Yeah okay,” she sighed, remembering she had to visit Hishikura and offer him an explanation.

And she sighed again.

“It’ll be okay, Princess,” Baba declared, padding over to her and taking her face between his hands. “Let me take care of it.”

“You’re a real charmer, you know that?” she chuckled, taking his wrists and removing his hands so she could kiss them once. “I’m going to grab a shower,” she went on as her hold on him fell away. “This dress is killing me.”

In the mirror, her reflection told the story of a rough night. She had fallen asleep without washing her face, without brushing her hair, and had cried in the night through her intense encounter with fictional Eisuke – an absolute mess of smeared lipstick and mascara, crumpled clothing and imprints where the jewellery she had hadn’t taken off had been pressing into her skin.

Eisuke’s jewellery.

She winced as she pulled the dress over her head, and upon closer inspection she found a series of bruises around one arm – long, slender bruises running horizontally.

“Jeez,” she exhaled, but continued to stare at her naked self. “What the hell are you doing?”

The question was poignant. She’d gone under cover to seek out the stolen information on behalf of Public Safety, but last night she’d dreamt of carnal passions with perhaps the one man who might really know where it was within his hotel or how to get it, then woke up in the arms of a man she couldn’t yet clear of potential involvement given his off-the-books residency.

“You know why you’re here, you know,” she told herself, then hopped into the shower.

Baba was gone when she emerged in a bathrobe, but there was a note.

 Princess,

Just do what I say for today, okay? I’ve booked you into the day spa downstairs, so get pampered and worry about the IVC tomorrow.

Mitsunari

 “Why do you have to be so kind?” she sighed, rubbing the back of her neck before spying a comfortable looking maxi dress hanging nearby. “Uh huh.”

She dressed, but lingered; if she left the suite she would cross the lounge, and that meant running the risk of encountering Eisuke.

“Grow a spine,” she told herself, but moved as quickly as she could through the thankfully deserted space.

Downstairs, she was met at the day spa by a smiling staff member who she had never met before. The list of treatments was extensive, and Miho simply went along with what was recommended.

Eventually, she found herself in just her underpants, lying face down with just a towel covering most of her body.

“Are you ready?” came a polite female voice from outside the dimly lit, fresh peppermint scented room.

“Yes,” Miho replied, settling her face into the soft, towel-rimmed recess meant for that purpose exactly.

Quietly the door opened, then closed, and soft steps came to stand beside her.

It’s okay to take a little time out – get my thoughts straight. Then there’s Hishikura – ugh – how am I supposed to handle that?

“You missed your check in,” a deep, familiar voice said close to her ear, and it was entirely incongruous with where she was.

In surprise, and panic she wish she’d had the power to contain, she rolled away from the sound off the table, clutching the towel around her.

“Captain?” she hissed, blinking at Kaga standing there in hotel uniform.

“Thank you, I’m well aware of my rank,” he scowled, clearly angry. “Strict rules were applied to your placement here, including constant communication,” he continued. “It’s not for you to choose which to abide by and which to ignore.”

“I’m sorry,” she exhaled, holding the towel together at the front, trying to gather her thoughts.

But having been prepared for relaxation, seeing him there came as all the more of a shock – and something else.

She felt guilty.

It was just a dream and… guilty because? Because you kissed him? He kissed you?

Yeah, that.

“You know there’s no backup,” he growled, glaring at her fiercely, then his eyes narrowed, wandering to her arm. “What is that?”

He pointed as he moved around the massage table, and Miho looked down: the bruises.

“Bruises,” she admitted. “You can’t be here, Captain,” she hissed. “What if someone recognises you as Public Safety?”

“Don’t change the subject, Miho,” he snapped, and despite herself, Miho stepped back until there was nowhere left to go.

Kaga looked down at her, glowered at those bruises as he analysed them before slowly bringing up his hand, lining up his fingers.

There was something akin to horror mixed in with the anger of his eyes when he pinned her to the wall with his stare alone.

“Who?” he demanded to know, voice low – a terrible quiet.

“It doesn’t matter who, this is nothing,” she argued.

“Are there more? Under that towel?” he hissed, lowering his hand to the top line of the towel tucked under her arm like he meant to pull it away. “It takes force to make marks like that, what else happened?”

The flush of Miho’s face deepened.

She wasn’t scared of Kaga, no matter how he loomed with all his threatening power – it wasn’t truly directed at her – but she was caught completely off guard by the vehemence of his response.

“Were you forced to…” he began, but Miho anticipated the question and answered before he could finish.

“No, no,” she frowned, shaking her head.

“Then did you go willingly?” he actually gasped out.

It was very clear by the uncomfortable grimace on his face, he wasn’t sure he wanted her to reply.

Within, she felt every single standing vein that thrummed with the race of Eisuke’s heartbeat, each slippery exploration of her – deeper and deeper- and her body ached painfully for both release and vocalisation.

Miho swallowed, and Kaga’s eyes widened as if he’d seen the repetition of that dream in her mind.

“No,” she exhaled, shaking her head vigorously. “Jesus, you think I forgot everything you told me? I’m that useless?”

Then she could shake her head no more, for Kaga firmly took her chin.

“As your Captain I need to know you’re not compromised,” he told her coldly, his breath on her face.

Then his brow knitted and his eyes flashed with frustration.

“And as a man, I need to know you’re alright.”

“No, Captain, I’m not compromised,” she whispered harshly, glaring as his face hovered close to hers. “And yes, Hyogo,” she sighed, fingers twitching before she hesitantly placed one palm against his chest, “I’m alright.”

“I really need to kiss you,” he rumbled hotly against her cheek, his hand dropping to her hip, grip gathering the towel a little.

“I know,” she shuddered out, fingernails pressing into his uniform. “But…”

“I know,” he admitted through his teeth clenched tightly. “But… I need to…”

Kiss me.

“Go,” Miho whimpered. “If someone sees you…”

“You mean if he sees you?” he added.

“God damnit,” she snapped, closing her grip on his uniform into a tight fist, rising up on her bare feet a little, and crushing her lips against his.

For several seconds the world moved in fast forward.

Effortlessly, Kaga picked Miho up, and her legs were wrapped around him before he could turn and set her down on the edge of the massage table. The lean of his body against her sent the spiral of pent up sexual tension that had been building between them, exploding in her chest.

Yet, when Miho abandoned trying to keep her towel secured, Kaga pushed her flat on her back, and held the fluffy white material together between her breasts.

“We have to stop,” he panted roughly. “I don’t want to stop… I want… we have to stop.”

Lolling her head to the side, Miho closed her eyes tightly – they burned suddenly. Kaga’s weight disappeared, and licking her lips, collecting up her pride and dignity, she took hold of her modesty once more and sat up.

“I’m going out,” she told him flatly, fighting the sting. “And you just need to trust me.”

“Going where?” he asked, straightening his uniform.

“That isn’t trust, Captain,” she pointed out, jaw still trembling.

Why are you being such a pussy? Because he rejected you? This is work, you can’t do this at work – here – in this hotel where anyone could hear.

“You’re my subordinate,” he told her clearly, “and not even a real officer.”

Double-take.

Her life on the line – she didn’t deserve that.

“I’ll be visiting Ambassador Hishikura Shuichi,” she said, heading for the door. “He knows who I really am, and I need to head this off because he tells Ichinomiya.”

“Your cover is blown?” Kaga scowled. “Then it’s over.”

“No, it’s not, don’t you dare!” she barked, stabbing her finger at him like a weapon that could cut. “I will make this work, Kaga.”

“Captain,” he corrected, and his weapon was sharper.

“Make up, your fucking mind, Captain,” she snarled, losing herself to the injury, seeking just to bow out.

As she turned once more, however, Kaga snatched her arm.

Instantly a cry rang out, and Miho’s body instinctively twisted to try and break free. It took a couple of stunned seconds for Kaga to realise what he’d done, to release her – and the bruises Eisuke had made with a similar grip, momentarily white for the pressure of Kaga’s own fingers, returned to mottled green.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, frowning, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, but you can’t.”

“I’m leaving now,” she declared, blinking away the watering of her eyes. “Go ahead and dump me from the investigation.”

“Dump you,” Kaga repeated.

“I’ll do this without Public Safety’s help,” she spat… watering, her eyes were just watering.

“I can’t let you do that,” he proclaimed, tone warning.

“You can, and will,” she grated, inching back to the door, and bared her teeth when he took a step forward. “And if you touch me again, I’ll throw you down.”

With that she slipped out the door and ran.

She ran out of the day spa in just her towel, much to the confusion of staff, and a little way down the hall before shutting herself in a utility room.

Resting back against the door she tried to real in her breathing, tried to catch the threads that were unravelling around her.

Stop. Just stop. This doesn’t matter, not him, not Baba, not Ichinomiya – it’s not personal, none of it is important.

And that may well have been true in the grand scheme of things, but it didn’t mean the woman behind her desire to help, didn’t still bleed when cut.

Continue to Part Twenty-Two - This Is a Rescue

[whatdoyouexpectthistime]

‘Choosing Sides’ Part Seventeen - Conflict of Interest

Meeting with Mr. Kenzaki, Miho discovered that she was being reassigned to events under the supervision of his own daughter Selina.

The woman was significantly shorter than Miho, with warm dark eyes and a considerate smile. She held herself professionally, explaining the next big function to be held at the hotel, pointing at various things on her tablet as she did.

“There’s a lot of money and prestige in the IVC,” Miho noted, following Selina into the grand ballroom.

“And ego,” Selina chuckled, “but don’t tell Mr. Ichinomiya I said that.”

“So, what is it the VIPs do during this event, other than enjoy the hotels facilities?” Miho probed.

“Networking mostly,” Selina answered easily, glancing around and counting tables, until a tall figure entered from another door. “Though some…”

Her sentence faltered, and Miho followed her gaze to the man dressed in hotel uniform.

“Miss Kenzaki?” Miho urged, and Selina cleared her throat as the man approached, his face set in a gentle expression.

“It’s unusual to see you here, Mr. Tolstoy,” Selina greeted with a reserved smile, and in response, he gave her a shallow bow.

“I apologise, Miss Kenzaki,” he replied, and though his Japanese was perfect, his accent along with his appearance, spoke volumes of his foreign heritage. “I shall not inconvenience you long, however, Mr. Ichinomiya wished me to ensure you had updated the IVC guest list with those last minute omissions.”

“Of course,” Selina nodded, tapping her tablet and turning it around for him to confirm. “I’ll email it to him.”

Miho observed them in silence. The demeanour of both was professional, and yet, there was definitely something in the verdant green of his eyes, a light, a sparkle perhaps, when he looked at Selina.

“And this is the new employee who so spectacularly apprehended that bag thief this morning,” he smiled, turning that bright gaze upon Miho. “Miss Ohira, is it?”

“Yes,” Miho responded, bowing as he had. “Ohira Miho.”

“Welcome to the Tres Spades, Miss Ohira,” he greeted. “I am Tolstoy Zain, penthouse steward.”

“Thank you Mr. Tolstoy,” Miho replied politely. “Though I am a little embarrassed word of my little stunt has spread so quickly.”

“Mr. Ichinomiya mentioned it in passing,” he explained. “Which is quite unlike him; you have made an impression.”

A somewhat frightening thought, while at the same time gratifying.

“Have a good afternoon,” he then bid, bowing to the two of them again, but he did not turn away until Miho saw him make meaningful eye contact with Selina.

Definitely something going on there.

But it wasn’t something Miho could ask while working – the slightest hint of pink in Selina’s cheeks did, however, confirm Miho’s suspicions.

The rest of the afternoon, and into the evening, was spent familiarising herself with IVC preparations, and what her duties would be during the main function. While Miho took mental notes, she couldn’t help but worry about her upcoming date with Baba.

Could he really be involved in this?

The idea twisted her insides – could she seriously have been having relations with someone involved in terrorism?

But Baba? Really?

Unable to help but sigh.

What do you even really know about him?

“Ugh,” she grunted in frustration, for these questions were not the only dread growing within.

When she returned to employee housing, she would have to report to Kaga, and inform him of her evening activities; and that was sure to go down a real treat.

Grumbling to herself, she checked the time and headed to her apartment, only to stop in the hallway to stare at a long object hanging on her door. On closer inspection it turned out to be a dress bag, the logo denoting its origin from one of Tres Spades boutique designer brands, and upon it was pinned a note.

Indulge me? XX Baba.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Miho muttered, taking it down and going inside.

It hung on the door of her wardrobe as she showered and prepared to go out again. Her phone, meanwhile, sat on her bed, glaring loudly about the fact she had not yet reported in.

“Fine,” she growled, but she couldn’t bring herself to call.

Instead she tapped out her report and sent it as a text message, promising she would call after her ‘meeting’ with Baba, before deleting it from her history.

The dress was another matter entirely. Given Baba’s tastes in the bedroom, she thought he might have picked something a little more showy, something a bit more revealing, but the evening gown was not only a perfect fit, it was simple, elegant, and suitably modest; the only thing not so modest about it was the price tag.

Peering at herself in the mirror, she had to wonder if she should wear it at all – what kind of message was she sending him by accepting such a ridiculous gift? At the same time, their existing relationship was going to allow her to dig for information she couldn’t get elsewhere.

That’s why I’m here.

Steeling herself, she grabbed her clutch and headed to the foyer.

The doors opened and Miho’s heels clicked quietly against the floor that not earlier that day she’d been racing across in the name of justice.

“Didn’t think you’d wear it,” Baba beamed widely, meeting her midway across the space with a deep bow from which he straightened with a long stemmed rose in hand extended. “I’m glad you did, Princess.”

“This gown is worth more than I make in a year, no two years,” she smiled as she accepted the rose and took the other hand he offered. “No promises I won’t spill anything on it.”

“That’ll just give me a reason to take it off you,” he pointed out cheekily, folding her arm over his and guiding her to the elevator. “And I know what you said about dinner, but you can’t drink on an empty stomach, so I made us a reservation. Don’t hate me.”

Miho held her stern and disapproving expression for as long as she could, but there was no staying mad at him when the pleading expression he wore crinkled his brow like that.

“I don’t like surprises,” she told him firmly, stepping into the elevator with him behind her.

When his hand touched the small of her back, she inhaled deeply and swallowed, not turning around as the doors closed – but the mirrored interior made it impossible not to see him standing behind her, looking at her reflection from over her shoulder.

“If I’m honest,” he said quietly, his breath shifting the loose strands at the base of her neck, “I’d much rather skip dinner and go straight to dessert.”

You’d jump his bones – you’d tear off his shirt and hitch up your gown and let him press you against the cold glass.

“I bet you would,” she said quietly, in answer to both her internal voice, and to him, and closed her eyes for a second as one of his hands crept to her waist. “But… it is inappropriate for a member of staff to be involved with a guest.”

Her fingers curled around his, and then lifted it from her hip.

“I’m pretty good at inappropriate if you remember,” he smirked, rebuffed and yet still smiling.

“I need this job, Baba,” she said as she faced him. “I don’t want Mr. Kenzaki, or worse, Mr. Ichinomiya, to think I am thumbing my nose at hotel rules.”

“Those rules don’t apply to me,” Baba shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “And call me Mitsunari; it’s only fair since I’ve always called you by your first name.”

A chuckle had slipped out before Miho could quash it, an exasperated, but not harsh sound.

“You’re making this very hard for me,” she told him with no small amount of sulk, but her choice of words made him grin like a lunatic.

“I’m pretty sure that’s my line,” he laughed, then offered his arm again when the elevator doors opened.

Even during her work with various influential people, Miho had never had a dining experience quite as opulent.

“Your business must be pretty lucrative,” she noted over her beef carpaccio. “Employee housing and the staff cafeteria is the closest I’ll ever get to staying and eating in a place like this. Do the others I saw earlier today in the upper lounge also live at the hotel?”

“Ota and Soryu?” Baba questioned. “They have suites, but we all come and go as we please, doing out own thing.”

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised Mr. Kisaki is the touchy kind,” she chuckled before taking a sip from her wine. “He has far too angelic a face to be truly that innocent.”

“And what does my face say about me?” Baba asked, challenge in his eyes.

Miho nibbled on her lower lip thoughtfully, treading carefully with her reply but also looking for the truth. She didn’t want to have to lie to him about anything, though knew it was inevitable.

“Your eyes are hungry,” she began slowly, weaving her fingers together thoughtfully, “but not just for… me… or sex… the last time I saw you was different…”

And she drifted, couldn’t quite control it.

“… you’d always been happy to just walk away, but that time you just didn’t want to let go.”

She blinked.

“Why?” she frowned.

“We hooked up,” he answered, his tone uncharacteristically serious. “We work so well because we are both lonely and need something to fill the void, and because what we do only requires trust in that one place, can’t hurt us outside of that suite.”

Inhaling sharply, Miho felt his statement in a well-guarded place, an she fought to refortify and draw herself back from the fringe of painful truths to the reason she was there.

“I’m sorry,” she apologised thickly, taking a big swallow from her wineglass. “I shouldn’t have asked that.”

“Still afraid,” he noted, tilting his head a little to one side, a few strands of hair falling across his left eye.

“Afraid of losing my job,” she chortled, desperately trying to redirect the conversation. “You know I’m working under Miss Kenzaki now? I’ll be rubbing shoulders with all the VIPs attending the IVC.”

“Is that right?” he sniffed, his body slumped a little.

She could see he was allowing her to change the subject: could see he could see she could see.

Yes, the narrator just wrote that sentence, and as an English teacher that is her prerogative. (;p)

“So other than Mr. Kisaki and… Soryu…?” she prompted, and diligently, Baba filled in the blank.

“Oh.”

“Other than Mr. Kisaki and Mr. Oh, who else is haunting the upper reaches of the Tres Spades?”

“How about I just introduce you to them at the IVC?” he offered. “But if you fall in love with any of them, I will be heartbroken.”

“Come on Baba,” she laughed. “That isn’t my aim in life. It’s just exciting to think all these rich and powerful people will be in one place like that, and insignificant me will be… well… offering them champagne and catering to their whims.”

“Just not mine, huh, Miss Ohira?” he quipped, lightly tapping the tip of her shoe under the table with his own.

You’d slide off your pump and stroke your toes against him, hidden by the table cloth, revelling in the strain of his expression.

“You could always get your buddy Mr. Ichinomiya to grant me an exemption,” she pointed out, feet firmly planted on the floor, “promote me to penthouse steward alongside Mr. Tolstoy.”

“Hmm, that’s not a bad idea,” he mused, appearing to consider it seriously. “Though I don’t much like the idea of having to share you with the others.”

“I’m not even going to ask if you, or they, have private maids or butlers,” she chortled.

“That’s Zain pretty much,” Baba replied. “Not an easy job, but easier I suppose, than for…”

There he hesitated.

“Than for…?” she nudged. “Someone else was steward before him?”

“Yeah, she was a sweet thing,” he nodded, his answer a sad exhaled. “Innocent, not like you,” he snickered, perking back up. “But she got sick, and ah…”

“I’m sorry, that’s really none of my business,” Miho backtracked quickly.

“It’s fine,” he told her. “It was just a bit of a tricky place for a pretty, naïve girl to be, surrounded by a bunch of guys chasing her skirt. I don’t know whether I could cope with them looking you up and down.”

At this Miho just snorted a very unladylike snort.

“You may not know all that much about me Baba, but I think you know enough now to believe, VIP or not, any man or woman who thinks they can touch me, is going to lose a limb.”

“Lucky me,” he grinned, tapping her toe again, obviously pushing her limits. “I still have all my limbs – but I do wonder where you got your ninja skills from; it’s not exactly a standard for house-keeping work.”

Finally, an expected question arose. Kaga had been very careful in the crafting of her cover story, keeping it as close to her real life as possible so as to make it not only easy to remember, but believable.

The best lies are those closest to the truth.

“My husband was a cop,” she admitted openly. “He was very big on me being able to protect myself, you know, in case something happened to him.”

“Was?” Baba noted in her use of the past tense.

“Right,” she affirmed. “He died years ago, before I came to Japan. That’s, sort of why I moved – didn’t want to deal with it.”

Baba’s foot retracted, but his hand fell lightly over hers.

“It’s fine,” she insisted with a smile. “Like I said, years ago.”

He turned her hand over, searching her fingers for any signs of a ring.

“Nope, never remarried,” she said in answer to his unspoken question. “Just working and living life.”

“So you don’t want to settle down? Have kids?” he queried.

“I don’t think that should be the only thing a person lives for,” she stated. “My job can make people happy, keep them safe maybe if I’m let loose on security detail,” she added with an audacious grin.

“Forget maid, you can be my bodyguard,” Baba declared.

“Importing is that dangerous is it?” he poked.

“Can be,” he nodded. “There are some pretty hostile environments in this world you know, filled with all sorts of treasures waiting to be discovered.”

“You make it sound like you’re Indiana Jones,” she snickered. “I suppose you’ve got the hat.”

“Note to self, you have a leather jacket and whip fetish.”

“I do not!” she objected, a little too loudly.

When they were finished with dinner, Miho and Baba moved to the bar and relaxed in the dim. Outwardly Miho had to maintain her façade, while inside she repeated the names and the details Baba had revealed about those dwelling without record in the hotel.

“Uh, how did it get that late?” she groaned, blinking at her watch that told her it was past 2am.

“Time flies when you’re having fun, right?” Baba philosophised. “But you’re right, I should take you home… unless I can take you home.”

“You’re persistent I’ll give you that, but I have to work in just under five hours,” she pointed out, and Baba slid out of the booth they’d been sitting in.

If he walks you back to employee housing, surveillance will photograph him for sure.

Why did that cause her to hesitate?

“What’s wrong?” he frowned. “I’ll be the perfect gentleman, I promise.”

“I know,” she smiled thinly, and took the hand he offered.

A face to go with a name – that will help us find out who Baba really is and if he could be involved.

It made sense, but at the same time, she had to admit a part of her didn’t want to expose him.

So stupid.

And then there was the nature of surveillance’s photograph. Baba holding her closely as they exited the hotel into the cool morning air, the way he smiled and the way she smiled back. Everyone would see these photographs, and they would question her – not least of all Kaga.

Guilty.

She hadn’t done anything wrong, and yet she did feel guilty – why was that?

“Here is fine,” she said, stopping him outside the entrance of her building. “I don’t want to, tempt fate.”

“I have some self-control, you know,” he sniffed, looking wounded for a second, then leaned in to whisper. “Some.”

But the soft of his lips met with the fingers she lifted to obstruct the intended kiss.

“Exercise just a little more… please?” she breathed, a breath etched with her own restraint, there for him to see. “Dinner was lovely, thank you. Good night, Baba.”

“Good night Baba?” he repeated, imploring with gentle eyes that wrapped softly around her.

“Fine,” she sighed. “Good night, Mitsunari.”

Unable to inhale until she had shut herself in her apartment, Miho gasped as she put her back to the door, but she was not allowed much in the way of a reprieve, when her cell phone rang displaying the caller id for Uncle Ohira – Kaga.

“I was just about to call,” she said without greeting, bracing herself, but it was not Kaga’s voice on the other end of the time.

“Are you all right?” Goto questioned. “You sound a little breathless.”

“I’m… I’m fine, just exhausted,” she told him, awkwardly holding the phone to her ear as she shimmied out of her gown.

“And your date?” he asked. “He looked as if he might try to take you right there on the street.”

“I… had to get him outside so you could get pictures,” she explained, but even saying that caused her to scowl.

“And inside?” Goto pressed. “He wasn’t inappropriate in any way?”

For a moment Miho stared at the blank white of the ceiling, battling inside her head – what did she want more? What did she stand for? Whose side was she on?

“I… have to tell you something,” she began, and though it was difficult, as least it was Goto and not Kaga. “And you’re probably not going to like it.”

“Fujiwara?” Goto urged, concern twisting the sound of her name from his lips.

“His name is Baba Mitsunari,” she declared, her jaw working painfully around each word, “and… I know him.”

There was a short silence.

“Know him in what capacity?” Goto enquired, and Miho’s cheeks burned.

The truth.

“We ahh… jeez… we’ve been sleeping together on and off for a couple of years,” she admitted in a blur of words, a verbal bandaid ripped off as quickly as possible. “Friends with benefits.”

“Jesus,” Goto dropped, and Miho could imagine him running a hand over his face in consternation. “You realise what a conflict of interest this poses don’t you?”

“I know,” she confirmed. “But… I’ve talked to him, I’ve confirmed Kisaki Ota and Oh Soryu are also living off the books in the VIP suites of the hotel, and I’m now in a good place to investigate other VIPs – Goto, this IVC would make a really good place to sell off information that could make a powerful person untouchable.”

“Hyogo is going to pull you out,” Goto asserted.

“You have to convince him to let me stay,” Miho said fiercely, sitting up on her bed and glaring at the wall like Goto might be able to somehow feel the vehemence of it. “Please. Baba is a good source of information, and a way to keep me circulating through the kinds of people we’re really looking for.”

Another silence ensued before Goto spoke again.

“Are you… still sleeping with him?” he questioned, blush in his tone, despite how serious he was.

“No,” she told him, her chest rising and falling quickly.

“When did you… last?”

“Really? You’re asking me that?” she coughed out.

“Fujiwara, answer the question,” he insisted.

“I don’t know… maybe, three weeks ago?”

Yet more silence.

“Please, Goto,” she appealed. “It’s too late to start over, you have to let me stay.”

“Send through your report,” he instructed, not responding to her plea. “We’ll run Baba’s name and image and see what turns up, but Fujiwara, if this guy is involved in this, you cannot rely on your personal relationship with him to protect you if your cover is blown.”

“I know that,” she grunted in frustration, the fingers of her free hand tightly gripping the doona. “But I can use it to my advantage.”

“We’ll see,” Goto replied noncommittally. “Keep your phone on you tomorrow, and follow instructions immediately whether you like them or not.”

“Of… course,” she submitted. “Is that all, Sir?”

“Yeah, get some rest.”

“Right. Good night.”

“I know this must be difficult for you,” he said with last minute gentleness that reminded her how different Goto was from Kaga. “But you are doing a good job. Keep it up.”

“Thanks,” she exhaled, bid him goodnight, and flopped back onto the bed.

Her report was a laborious, torturous task. What would happen when Kaga found out about Baba dominated her thoughts completely, and when sleep finally claimed her, Kaga and Baba were standing at her bedside glaring at one another ferociously.

Continue to Part Eighteen - Rip His Arm Off