#(I have like three more of these in varying states of wip but keep starting new things instead of finishing any!! YET WE PERSEVERE)

[wouldntyoulichentoknow]

Kharish and Urag, touching #6

"...don't do that."

"Do what?"

[kookingtae]

the equation of love (pt. 10)

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | pt 5 | pt 6 | pt 7 | pt 8 | pt 9 | pt. 10

professor yoongi x uni student reader

→scenario: When you met Yoongi in a club, you thought it was fate that brought the two of you together. But after you walked into your college math class for the very first time, you weren’t so sure anymore.

→genre: smut | fluff | angst

→word count: 10.5k

→a/n: alternatively: fuck it, it’s been five years and this wip has been staring at me for three of them, so im just gonna post it. i have not read this over since 2018, so pls dont judge me too harshly hhsdg it’s unedited and probably a bit cringy, but then again what ch of teol isnt? this is NOT all that i have planned for the series, but i figured something is better than nothing, right? and perhaps the saying better later than never applies here, too. maybe one day i’ll finally get around to finishing it (by then im sure no one will even be around to remember what teol is lmao) but until then, enjoy what ive been sitting on! and as always, if you’re still here, thank you for your endless patience and support with this series <3

→another a/n: after this will probably be an epilogue!

→tw: mentions of blackmail, r*pe and sexual assault (we mostly just get closure on the whole professor lee & jun situation!!)

→warning: this chapter is not a happy ending, but it’s not necessarily a BAD one either, so for those who don’t like to finish on an unhappy note, it’s up to you on whether you’d like to read it or wait for the epilogue to be posted!

Running water.

It was such a simple yet fascinating concept—atoms and molecules coming together to form the only substance on earth that has a natural state in all forms, while having the power to kill in three different ways. Solid, by hypothermia; liquid, by drowning; gas, by suffocation. This substance can take three different forms, yet it's most commonly a liquid, covering nearly 71% of the world with translucent bodies of water. Oceans, ponds, lakes—though the most enchanting of them all were rivers. They were always moving, crashing beyond rocks and bustling with the flow of the current and gravitational pull of the earth. Rivers were passionate, and strong, and no matter how hard one tried they couldn't break the whipping tide that was pushing against them. Nothing could cause the powerful force to falter.

But, like most things, even rivers must come to an end. The current stops flowing, and the waves stop breaking around the jagged rocks, and the powerful force that seemed it would never end dulls to a still, calm lull, as if the river was nothing more than a brief yet raging storm. All the passion, all the fight—over in a blink of an eye, left to dissipate into the mysteries of the vast ocean.

Staring down at the picture on the cell phone screen in front of me was like getting pulled by the current of a river; down, down, down I flowed until there was no river left around me and I was left stranded in the middle of the sea. Yoongi and I were once raging, and passionate, and ready to fight against anyone who tried to tear us down, but now the fight was over. We had been dragged too far, fading into a body of water that was not our own. This was bigger than us.

Yes, like the flow of a river, all things must come to an end.

"That's it," Yoongi gritted his teeth, and I felt the dip of the mattress beneath me as he rose to his feet in anger.

"Yoongi," I called his name in a warning tone, warily standing up from the bed and watching him move around the room. "What are you doing?"

"I'm over it," he said, hastily throwing the first articles of clothing he could grab from his drawers over his body. "I'm done dealing with all of this, Y/N! I'm going up to the school."

Despite the flare of determination that sparked in my heart at his words, his rage seeming to radiate off of him and onto me as well, I couldn't help the trepidation that I was also filled with; Yoongi didn't have a history of making rational decisions out of anger.

"Don't you think you should calm down first?" I offered, trying my best to match his pace around the room.

"No!" Yoongi suddenly skidded to a halt in front of me, his eyes wild and crazed. "I'm going to find her and I'm going to fucking kill her!"

I could only stand with a gaping mouth and watch as he stormed out of the room, leaving me with no choice but to pull on my old clothes and chase his stomping foot steps. He grabbed his keys before storming out of the apartment, down the stairs, and outside into the parking lot. I tried to ignore the blindingly bright sunlight as I squinted my eyes and continued after him.

"Follow me up to the school," Yoongi barked as he hopped into his car.

"Yoongi–" I started, but my consoling voice was cut off by the slam of his door. I frowned, scrambling to unlock my vehicle as his engine roared to life.

The drive to the university was a nerve-wracking one. I kept a watchful eye on Yoongi to make sure he wasn't speeding or swerving all over the road; they say you're not supposed to operate a vehicle while you're upset. Though it would seem my efforts were futile, because he did in fact speed and swerve, and all I could do was frown and try to keep up.

It wasn't that I wasn't angered by Professor Lee; I was furious, rage and disgust and frustration all stewing inside of me like a pot of water that was ready to boil over. But I just couldn't help but worry for Yoongi. I had always been the non-confrontational type, always hoping that with a little time things would get better if they were ignored long enough. But it would seem that my method was proven inefficient today, because as much as I had tried to ignore her antics, that wicked woman wouldn't stop at anything to make sure Yoongi and I were properly dragged through the mud and going down like a ship engulfed in flames. Yet as much as that angered me, I couldn't bare the thought of the turmoil it was causing Yoongi. I didn't know when I had started casting my own feelings aside and putting his above—it was a gradual thing rather than one, defining moment—but it was only another factor that proved how much I actually loved this man. And that very thought instilled a fear that shook me to the very bone.

We had a lot more to lose now than just his job and my education. We could be losing us. And that was more important now than it had ever been before.

Once we arrived at the university there were a lot of screeching brakes, messy parking and fumbling hands as I scrambled to catch up to his looming figure that seemed to stalk towards the building at an unnatural pace. The pounding of my heavy heartbeat was what drove me forward, anxiety rising with each quickened step that I took.

"Yoongi!" I yelled once I had lessened the distance between us, now dead center on the campus sidewalk. "Yoongi, wait!"

All of a sudden he whirled around, his abrupt halt causing me to crash straight into his chest. I let out a yelp in surprise, eyes wide and ready to interrogate him, before I felt the smooth curvature of his palms on either side of my face as he tilted my head up to his and slammed his mouth onto mine.

The world stopped spinning for a moment, everything around me fading into the motions of his plush skin, his soft lips exploding with flavor and spilling over my tastebuds, satisfying my thirst in a way that no water ever could. I didn't even question it for a second before I was melting into him, quite literally becoming putty in his hands as the rest of the world instantaneously escaped my mind.

It's funny the way that worked—the way he was able to completely erase everything that had once existed in the blink of an eye, just by his simple touch. Whether it was magic, or I was just that fucking whipped, I didn't know. But either way, I didn't possess the power to stop it even if I wanted to.

When Yoongi finally broke away, he was breathing heavily, his breath fanning across my face in cool puffs of air. "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore," he spoke onto my lips, his forehead pressing against mine with a firm force. "Let them see. The only thing I care about is you."

It was then that I was suddenly aware of our surroundings, the reality of our world crashing down around me as I glanced around at all the eyes watching us. It varied; there were those choosing to spare us a glance as they walked to and from their classes, those who stalled their current actions to lift their heads to us not once, not twice, but three times, and then there were those who stopped altogether, their widened eyes and slackened jaws dead giveaways that they knew exactly who Yoongi was: Professor Min, Algebra 101 instructor.

A stroke of his thumb across my cheek brought my attention back to him; I stared up into his eyes, the desperate look in them captivating me and making it impossible to look away. His chest was rising and falling beneath his shirt, his fingers were grappling at my face as he brushed my wisps of hair out of the way, silently begging me to understand, to agree with him.

And in that moment, I knew what I had to do.

My lungs were filled with a breath of newfound determination, dazed and driven by Yoongi's words and embrace. "I love you," I spoke with conviction, caressing the nape of his neck as if to give him more reassurance. "Let's go.”

With that I grabbed his hand, holding my head high for the rest of the campus to see as I started up Yoongi's stride towards the school's building. He was right beside me, weaving his fingers through mine and giving my hand an extra squeeze as if to say that he was here, that he was proud to let the world know that I was his and he was mine, and that he wasn't going anywhere.

We were going to take down Professor Lee.

The seminar room was empty of students when we stormed in. Seats were placed throughout the floor, papers were scattered on the desks, and Professor Lee was at the front of the room, fiddling with the cords from the projector screen.

At the sound of the door opening, her head snapped up. "Well well well, look what we have here," she smirked when she saw us, making no plans to move as she saw me marching over to her. "You know, I really don't think–"

Slap!

The impact of my palm to her face cut off her words, skin on skin contact crackling through the room and echoing into a deafening silence.

Professor Lee gasped, immediately grasping where a red mark was now forming on her cheek before looking up at me with wild eyes. "You just slapped me!" She cried in disbelief.

"You're damn right I did," I gritted my teeth, taking a threatening step towards her and raising my palm. "Want me to do it again?"

It was then that I felt Yoongi's hand on my back, the feeling having an instant calming effect over my senses whether he wanted it to or not. I sighed before visibly relaxing and lowering my hand.

"You're barbaric!" Professor Lee was foaming at the mouth, still holding her face with a slack jaw. "Are you forgetting that I'm a professor? When Dr. Kim finds out about this, I swear he'll–"

"Tell him!" I roared as loud as my vocal chords would let me. "Tell whoever, tell the whole world, I don't fucking care! I'm done with your bullshit, you selfish psychotic witch!"

With that I gave her one final shove against her shoulders, and when both of her hands flew out to grab ahold her surroundings in an effort to keep from falling over, I planted another slap right across her face. The impact stung my hand, but I didn't care. Seeing Professor Lee stumble through the air was worth it.

"Baby," Yoongi spoke in a gentle yet warning tone next to me, and I had almost forgotten he was there until I felt his grip slightly tighten around my waist. It was a comforting hold, as if to say he completely trusted and supported whatever I chose to do in this situation, but still a protective hold nonetheless. He wanted to make sure I wasn't going to get myself hurt.

"You know, what is your problem, exactly?" I tilted my head at her as she struggled to get her bearings straight. "Is there an actual reason you're doing all of this, or are you just mentally insane?"

"It–it's not right!" Professor Lee stuttered with wide eyes, raising a shaky finger to point at me and Yoongi. "Your relationship, it's–"

"Oh cut the bullshit, Sara," Yoongi let out a sound of disgust from beside me. "We all know that's not why."

"I... I..." she stumbled for words, wide eyes glancing back and forth between the two of us. "Who do you guys think you are? You can't just storm in here and start attacking me–"

I took a menacing step forward, pure rage making up for what I lacked in intimidation. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I fumed, reaching out to grab her again.

"No, please!" She suddenly cowered before I could get to her, shielding her head away from me with her arms. "I—Yoongi, I'm in love with you!"

Her confession sent me reeling backwards in a downwards spiral, my body instantly going limp as I watched her with a dumbfounded expression. A vast silence echoed throughout the room that could be cut with a knife before she finally spoke again.

"Ever since you started working here, I knew you were the one. I just knew it." Her voice was sad, exhausted now, and a look of defeat washed over her features.

"What?" Yoongi gaped in disbelief. "Sara, that was two years ago!"

"I know!" She spat harshly. "You don't think I know that? For two years, I had to deal with this silly crush I had on you. I had to spend every day with you, watching it bloom into love overtime, and there was nothing I could do about it."

"You could've just told me!" Yoongi exclaimed as if that was the obvious answer.

Professor Lee snorted humorlessly. "Yeah, and be made a fool of? No thanks." She lowered her eyes to the ground.

"Sara, we're grown adults. You could've acted like one and fucking said something to me about it, made a move, anything but drag my career under the bus!" Yoongi's voice was strained now, his eyes wide as if silently begging her to understand him while he was equally trying to understand her.

"I was going to!" She lashed out again while whipping her head up towards him. "I was working up the courage to ask you out on a date, and then I see that fucking slut on your lap and I–"

"Don't you dare call Y/N that," Yoongi suddenly growled, pushing past me and stepping towards her intimidatingly. "One more thing out of your mouth about her and I swear to god I will kill you right here, right now."

My breath hitched in my throat at his threat and I couldn't help but weave my arm around his to grab his hand, intertwining our fingers and squeezing tightly. He gripped mine back even tighter, as if he was desperately trying to latch onto whatever calming effect I seemed to have over him.

Professor Lee swallowed, choosing to stay silent and watch him carefully as jagged breaths rose and fell from her chest. "The point is," she continued on, "I saw you with someone else—someone who wasn't me. And that completely tore my heart to shreds."

"So the only solution is to ruin our lives," I chimed in sarcastically.

"I may not have gone about it the best way," she quickly gritted her teeth and shot me a glare before turning her attention back to Yoongi, "but I had to act on instinct. I still wanted to be with you, so I figured that maybe if I split the two of you up, you would have no one else to turn to but me."

Yoongi just stared at her, his face scrunched up in a mix of confusion and disgust. "Do you know how sick and twisted that is?" He asked.

"All I ever wanted was to be with you, Yoongi," she pleaded, her tone vulnerable now as she took a tentative step towards him and started to raise her hand up to caress his cheek. "I still do. It's not too late; we can leave now, just you and me and forget this whole thing–"

"Don't fucking touch me," he knocked her hand away with his forearm just before it could reach his face. "If you think I'm going anywhere with you, you're even crazier than I thought." He then stepped back to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me securely into his side. "I'm in love with Y/N, and I don't give a shit what rumors you or anyone else wants to spread about it. You're fucking pathetic."

At that moment there was the sound of a door bursting open, causing the three of us to turn our attention to the entrance of the room. There, standing in the doorway, was Dr. Kim.

The sight of him immediately deflated the elation I was feeling from Yoongi's words, instantly replacing them with a sense of anxiety and fear that lodged its way into my throat until I was sure I would die from suffocation. This was it; according to the text from Professor Lee, he had already seen the picture of me and Yoongi kissing. This was the moment that would decide our future forever.

I just hoped we had enough evidence against Professor Lee for him to take our side.

"So let me get this straight." Dr. Kim folded his hands on the dark oak wood of his office desk. "Professor Min and Y/N had relations before Y/N became a student here, while Yoongi was unaware of her age?"

"Yes sir," Yoongi nodded his head in assurance.

"And then you continued your relationship, even after finding out that she was your student."

"He didn't at first," I interjected in hopes of getting some of the heat off of Yoongi. "He tried to call it off, but I kept pushing it. The reason we got back together during school was my fault, not his."

Yoongi's eyes met mine from the chair next to me, his gaze seeming to hold the words that silently spoke that's not true, and I instantly knew what he was thinking. In actuality, he had been the one to give me after-school tutoring on that Saturday during the homecoming football game, not I. He had been the one to kiss me first that day. But there was no way in hell I would ever tell that to the dean.

"I don't care whose fault it is; all that matters is that it happened," Dr. Kim frowned. "And it's still happening if I'm not mistaken, correct?"

"I... um," my eyes flickered to Yoongi, every fiber of my being starting to fill with panic. Shit, we should've discussed this beforehand. I wasn't going to willingly rat Yoongi out, no matter how many times he's said he didn't care anymore if people knew about us.

Suddenly I felt the warm, soft sensation of skin wrapping around the curvature of my hand that was resting atop the wooden armrest. "Yes, it's still happening," Yoongi spoke, and then his fingers were intertwining with mine.

I practically choked on my own spit at his words; did this boy have a death wish? A cough came sputtering out of my lungs, the sound causing everyone in the room to look at me until I'd settled down. Even Professor Lee leaned forward from her seat on the other side of Yoongi, bewilderment written all over her expression as she gave me a look of disgust.

"Well there's your proof right there." She threw her hands up in defeat before gesturing to the two of us. "What more do you need? Expel them, Dr. Kim."

"B–but that's not it!" I suddenly exclaimed and lurched forward, feeling the heat of everyone's stare on our embraced hands, which in turn only made me grip him even harder for support. "Dr. Kim, you have to believe me when I tell you that Professor Lee has worked hard to make my life a living hell ever since I got to this school. She had a vendetta against me; she's in love with Yoongi, and so she–"

"That's not true!" Professor Lee screeched.

"She worked to turn people against us rather than coming to you because she wanted to blackmail Yoongi into being with her," I ignored her interjection and continued. "She even made a seminar about it—the mandatory seminar that everyone attended today!"

The dean turned his attention towards her. "The seminar about the importance of practicing safe sex?" He questioned in bewilderment.

My eyes practically bulged out of my head at his words; that's what she was telling everyone it was about?

"It was!" She scrambled in defense. "I mean I... I may have brought up Yoongi and Y/N as an example, but that's only because they fit the part! Y/N had a pregnancy scare not too long ago, and I didn't want the same thing to happen to our students!"

I felt the color draining from my face, blanching it a stone cold white and decimating any feeling I had left in my body.

How the fuck did she know about the pregnancy?

My head instantly whipped towards Yoongi to see if he had any logical explanation for this, and his face was as poised and stoic as ever in front of his two colleagues—but I could see through it. I knew him well enough to catch onto the slightest falter in his blinking, the increase in heat that collected between our palms, the small twitch of his mouth that would've gone unnoticed by anyone else who observed him. I knew there was no way he could've told Professor Lee about the pregnancy, because he was just as blindsided as I was.

Dr. Kim simply raised his eyebrows in interest before turning back to Yoongi and me.

"Dr. Kim," Yoongi spoke, his voice dripping with amusement, "I mean no disrespect, but do you honestly think that if Y/N had a pregnancy scare, we would tell Sara about it? Come on; not after all she did to us."

"They—they didn't tell me!" Professor Lee huffed out a desperate breath. "I overheard them while I was–"

"While you were what?" I interrupted with a raise of my eyebrow. "While you were spying on us to find any blackmail you could use on Yoongi?"

"N–no!" She stuttered, though at this point it was obvious that she was making up lies on the spot. "While I was walking past the classroom!"

"Why would we be talking about that with the door open?!"

"Enough!" Dr. Kim barked, his deep voice rumbling throughout the small office. We all grew silent as we turned our attention to him. "There will be no arguing of he said/she said in my office," he scolded, then turned his attention to Yoongi before speaking. "I understand that there was someone you wanted me to see?"

Yoongi, who had remained calm during all of this, simply nodded his head before releasing my hand. "Yes, sir," he said as he stood up and walked towards the door.

My eyebrows were knitted in confusion as I watched it all transpire: the words exchanged between the two men, Yoongi rising out of his seat, the sight of my biology professor being revealed behind the closed door. The whole thing came as a surprise to me, and my emotions seemed to be having a war between the shock and relief that I felt raging like a storm in the pit of my stomach.

Why didn't Yoongi tell me about Professor Park being involved in this discussion? When did he have time to ask her to come? Did it even matter at this point?

"Professor Park," Dr. Kim widened his eyes, his frame physically reclining back in his seat. "I'm surprised to see you here."

"As am I to be here," she smiled though her voice was venomous, eyes flashing to a very alarmed Professor Lee.

"Mia?!" The woman barked in disbelief at her friend's entrance. "What are you doing here?"

"Something I should've done a long time ago," Professor Park replied, and with that she turned towards the dean and opened her mouth to speak.

"I'm here to testify on the behalf of Min Yoongi and Y/N."

Earth-shattering elation rippled through me from the inside out, starting at the base of my toes and spiraling to the top of my head and the tips of my fingers, causing them to tingle and buzz with a newfound sense of hope. We might actually have a chance!

"What?!" Professor Lee's voice ripped through the air in a deafening screech. "This isn't a court case! You don't get to play witness!"

"Actually, if Professor Park has witnessed anything, I would definitely like to know," Dr. Kim chimed in, raising an eyebrow towards my biology professor.

Professor Park nodded her head towards him in appreciation before speaking. "A few months ago Sara approached me in my classroom to tell me about the nasty rumors that were surrounding her and a student. She singled the student out, saying to purposely damage their grades because they were treating her unfairly and disrespecting her rules and authority as a professor; she even went so far as to say that they were sending her death threats"

"What?!" The word ripped from my throat faster than I could blink as I stared jaw-dropped at the women in the room.

"That's not true!" Professor Lee instantly protested as expected. "Sir, I can assure you that I never–"

"I have the text messages if you want," Professor Park offered in a tone so nonchalant one would've thought she was conversing about the weather.

Dr. Kim raised an eyebrow. "Text messages? I thought you said she came by your class?"

"She did, sir." Mia interlaced her fingers in front of her and bowed her head politely. "We spoke about it on multiple occasions. I asked why she wouldn't just go to you, or even the authorities if the student was making death threats, but Sara was adamant. She didn't want any scandals revolving around her so that she could maintain the level of professionalism that she had developed here."

I heard a snort coming from next to me, and it was with a swollen heart of pride that I realized the sound came from Yoongi trying to hold in a laugh.

Professionalism? Her? I had never heard anything so far fetched in my life.

Sara simply glared as Mia ignored him and continued. "She assured me that the best way to deal with this pesky student was to slowly start to fail them, and I'll admit, I was angry for her. Sara was my friend, and I respected her enough to believe what she was telling me and follow her requests." She turned her head to where I sat on the other side of Yoongi. "That student was you, Y/N. And I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for the way I handled things. You were treated unfairly and poorly due to false information."

"It wasn't false!" Professor Lee jumped in to defend herself, but everyone was pretty much ignoring her. Even the dean could tell she was playing the part of the boy who cried wolf at this point.

"I'd like to see those text messages, if you don't mind." Dr. Kim reached his hand out expectantly.

There was a brief moment of silence while Professor Park nodded and tapped away on her phone before handing it to him. His cold and calculated eyes scanned the screen while saying nothing, all three of us waiting with bated breath for him to come to a decision in his mind.

There was no where left for her to run. With these text messages, all the constant denying that Professor Lee has done will be proven false and she will be exposed for all the hell she's put me through this semester. My heart was practically bursting at the thought.

"Well I would've appreciated it if you ladies had come to me with this information instead of handling it amongst yourselves, true or not," Dr. Kim finally sighed before giving Sara his full attention. "Ms. Lee, you have three people accusing you. Even if you didn't do it, there's obviously something that's turning them against you. And here at this university we strive to hold cooperation and communication above all else. If you don't get along with the fellow staff here, then why should I believe that they're the problem and not you?"

"Um, because Min Yoongi is fucking his student?!" Professor Lee was fuming now, her upper body lurching forward in her seat and her hands gripping the arm rests for dear life. "He literally just admitted to it!"

"Language, Ms. Lee," Dr. Kim scolded calmly. "I still like to maintain a professional attitude here in my office."

"I apologize sir, but that's beside the point." She was sitting back in her seat now, though her tone was no less frantic. "Min Yoongi is in a relationship with his student, and staff cooperation or not, I don't really think that's in the teacher handbook." She raised a snarky eyebrow at us as if believing that she had finally won.

I knitted my eyebrows, my palms feeling slick with a nervous sweat against Yoongi's as I realized the bigger problem here. It wasn't whatever lies and schemes Professor Lee had cooked up with my biology teacher; it wasn't even Professor Lee herself. It was the fact that Yoongi and I were in a relationship, and that was going to have enough consequences alone to shake me to my very core with fear.

"She's right," Dr. Kim uttered the words that I was silently hoping he wouldn't say, my grip tightening on Yoongi as I anticipated whatever outcome he's decided. Our fate was in his hands.

"Of course I am." Professor Lee crossed her arms and sat back in her seat with a smug grin.

"I'm afraid I have no choice." He was shaking his head, frowning at us apologetically though the sentiment didn't reach his eyes. "Mr. Min, I am sorry to inform you that you will have to be forced to resign from our university."

The color instantly drained from my face, and with it pulling all five senses that I have into the depths of the earth until I couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't speak—I could barely even breathe. There was a lump that was forming in my throat and settling deep within my gut, all of this feeling fake, too fake to be real.

Yoongi was fired, and it was all because of me.

"I understand, sir."

It was Yoongi's words that were pulling me from my fog of disbelief and devastation, my eyes blinking in an effort to snap back to reality as I looked from him to the dean. "No. No, there has to be something we can do, please!" I begged, my voice starting to get frantic the more the severity of the situation hit me. "I–I'll drop out! You don't have to worry about me ever coming near here again, just please, please don't fire him!"

"Y/N..." Yoongi's voice was quiet and full of resignation, defeat, but I wasn't giving up.

"Yoongi is an amazing professor who has worked here for, what, two years? He's extraordinary at what he does and students love him. It's not easy to find a professor like that everyday." I was staring into the eyes of the dean now, trying to move him with my words. "You shouldn't throw away someone as great as him just because of some stupid 18 year old's mistake! Please, Dr Kim." I leaned forward in my seat, the room silent as I spoke. "He wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for me. Please, let me suffer the consequences, not him."

I continued to stare in Dr. Kim's eyes, silently channeling my emotions through the pleading expression in my eyes, and it wasn't until I felt a comforting hand on my back that I was instantly drawn away into a more calm state in my chair. I gazed over at the owner of the hand, and he flashed back that smile I loved except it was sad, and it didn't reach his eyes, and I could tell there was so much he wanted to say to me right now if we weren't in the confinement of his boss' office.

"I understand your efforts, Y/N, but there's nothing I can do." Dr. Kim shook his head, and it was as if the world around me was shattering into blades of glass, scraping at my skin and leaving bloody wounds that I knew would never heal. "Mr. Min was involved in this relationship as well, and no matter whose fault it is, the professor needs to be held accountable. There is a level of professionalism and maturity that he must possess in order to work here; he's your superior, a respectable authority figure, and so he should've known better."

It was all I could do to keep from crying as I lowered my eyes and shook my head, every inch of my heart breaking for Yoongi until all that was left were tiny fragments to scatter in the wind. I couldn't believe I'd done this to him. The very thing he'd been worried about from the start—I had ruined his career.

"It is our goal as a university to see our students succeed," he continued, though I could barely hear a thing. "As for you, Y/N, I see no reason as to why you shouldn't keep attending this university."

I blinked a few times, confused. "You want me to... what?"

"You will have a suspension on your student records, mind you, and one more of those will lead to expulsion," he explained. "Though that doesn't mean that you can't keep going to school here. You will have to meet with an advisor every two weeks, though, who will be keeping a close watch on your behavior."

I could barely even believe my ears; had my hearing been completely lost due to the shock of the situation? "That's totally a double standard!" I gestured to Yoongi in disbelief.

"Y/N, it's okay..." Yoongi tried to calm me down.

"No, it's not okay!" I roared, eyes wide and brows furrowed in disbelief as I glanced at him before turning back to the dean. "Where do you think you can get off by treating people like this? This is his career—his life!"

"That will be enough from you, Ms. Y/N," Dr. Kim bellowed in a stern voice as he frowned. "I'm doing you a favor here by letting you continue your education. Speak out against me one more time and I will be revoking that offer."

His words were deafening throughout the office; it was suddenly understandable why he was so feared by those who worked under him. Yoongi started to run his hand along my spine in a soothing manner, and though it helped relax my fiery nerves and clear my foggy mind, I was still just as upset—if not more, now that the information was beginning to settle in.

"So that's it then?" Professor Lee spoke for the first time in a while, her lips pressed into a firm line, obviously disappointed by the turn of events though she didn't dare to speak out against Dr. Kim as he had warned. "Yoongi gets fired and Y/N gets a free ride?"

"Not so fast, Ms. Lee." The dean turned to her. "What you did was beyond unprofessional. You violated several school policies as well as bullied a student! Do you think that type of behavior is acceptable as a professor?"

Professor Lee opened her mouth as if to protest before slowly shutting it again, realizing that she had nothing left that she hadn't already denied. It was obvious that the evidence given to him by Professor Park, who stood silent in the corner of the room, was incriminating enough to sway his decision.

"I'm sorry to have to inform you that you will be fired as well."

"What?!" Her shrill voice screeched through the air, tearing whatever I had left of my eardrums and rendering me deaf here in this office. "What I did was no where near as bad as Yoongi and Y/N!"

"If anything, it was worse." Dr. Kim folded his hands over his desk. "Let's not forget that you managed to involve the entire student body in a false seminar that maliciously exposed one of our students and professors," he raised an eyebrow at her, "and that was just today."

"Yeah, not to mention all the other shit you did behind my back to make my life a living hell," I couldn't help from interjecting in a heated tone, though I backed off upon seeing the dean's stern gaze.

He redirected his attention back to Sara. "Here at this university, we strive to have a professional relationship, safe environment, and healthy lifestyle for our students. Neither of you achieved those three goals, so both of you will have to be let go."

Yoongi's expression simply remained placid and free of any emotion while Professor Lee's reaction was practically visceral, though neither spoke a word as heavy silence fell over the small office.

"Am I... am I still needed, sir?" It was Professor Park whose voice broke through the tension, everyone having forgotten she was there in the midst of the emotion-filled chaos. "Because if not, then I'm going to go."

"No, I'm just about finished here." Dr. Kim let out a sigh, as if what just transpired had been hard on him out of all people in the room. My blood boiled just looking at him, though I know I had to learn when to speak out and when to bite my tongue as Yoongi had taught me.

"Dr. Kim, is there any way you can reconsi–"

"That will be enough from you, Ms. Lee," his booming voice interrupted the frantic professor. "I've said all that I need to say on the matter. I'm not changing my mind."

"Dr. Kim?" I spoke up just as Professor Lee and Professor Park were getting ready to walk out the door. "I–I have something else to tell you. Un-related to this," I threw in when I saw him throw a glance in Lee's direction.

The man sighed before waving them out, leaving his office empty of visitors other than me and Yoongi in the chairs. I wasn't going to let that boy go anywhere.

"Y/N, I'm sorry that the outcome isn't exactly what you wanted but I'm afraid there's nothing I can–"

"Choi Junwoo tried to rape me," I blurted out.

There was a moment's pause as the dean was stunned silent with wide eyes, and out of my peripheral vision I could see Yoongi tense up and inhale sharply next to me.

"W–what–"

"Choi Junwoo," I spoke slowly for him so that he'd understand, "a student here at this university, tried to rape me at a frat party."

I couldn't leave the office without saying it. I couldn't leave the office without telling him. This wasn't just about me or the turmoil or trauma he caused; this was for every other girl in the future who might be a victim of Jun. Though in my heart I truthfully believed he was a good person, and that he really was just intoxicated beyond belief that night, it was still no excuse. If he had rape-tendencies while he was drunk and I didn't speak out about it, then I would be no better when it came to helping other sexual assault victims.

"Are you sure–"

"I found them at the party while he was mid-act," Yoongi jumped in, probably figuring he was already fired so there was nothing left for him to lose when it came to revealing details about our relationship outside of school. "It was... disgusting. I got her out of there immediately, but not before punching that bastard in the face."

"Metaphorically, of course!" I couldn't help but chime in, not wanting an assault charge to be on his record as well.

Thankfully Dr. Kim simply brushed off that minuet detail in favor for the more important issue at hand. "Y/N, what you're telling me will ruin this student's future. Are you absolutely sure you want to file this?"

Despite the anger that swelled up inside of me from him questioning my accusation, I still couldn't help the little trickle of doubt that crept in as I considered his words. At one point, Jun had been a friend... maybe even a potential lover had Yoongi not been in the picture. Dr. Kim was right, this information could potentially ruin his reputation, his education, his record... was I ready to carry the weight of knowledge that I've ruined someone's life forever?

"What are you talking about? Of course!" Yoongi spat an answer before I even had a chance to finish my thoughts. "She told you what happened, didn't she? Why would she speak out about something like this if she was making it up?"

"Maybe a personal vendetta?" The dean shrugged his shoulders. "People will do crazy things for revenge."

Now that got me heated. "The only one who wanted revenge here was Junwoo!" I stood up from my seat to yell. "He liked me and was mad that I turned him down. As if I owed my feelings to him or something! And when I told him no, he forced himself on me?! Is that really the type of message you want to send at this college? You know, since you're so high and mighty on "cooperation"," I did air quotes of sarcasm around my last words, my ears practically steaming with boiling rage.

"We will come out about this story, by the way," Yoongi added in, his voice full of venom. "And how will that look if you tried to keep us silent?"

"You can forget about me attending this university," I hissed.

"Alright, alright, settle down, the both of you," Dr. Kim lowered his hands in a calming manner. "I was not suggesting I buy your silence or anything of that nature. I was simply making sure you wanted to go through with this."

"Yes," Yoongi and I both answered in unison.

The dean nodded his head before clasping his hands together. "Alright."

The rest of the time in the office with spent filling on paperwork on a claim against Junwoo. I'd been given the option to be kept in the loop or even present when everything went down, though I politely declined. I wanted nothing more to do with that boy.

Though it would seem Professor Lee didn't share the same sentiment when it came to me, because as soon as soon as the two of us walked hand in hand into the hallway and Dr. Kim's door was securely shut, she sprung into action.

"You bitch!" She shrieked, not wasting another second as she leaped through the air and onto my body like a crouched tiger that was waiting for the right moment to attack. I felt the pressure of her weight against my chest and the sting of her nails scraping against my cheek, and before I knew it I was stumbling down, down onto the ground with another vicious blow to my jaw that was accompanied by her fist.

It all happened within a matter of seconds, but it wasn't long until I heard Yoongi yell Sara! and then her weight vanished just as quickly as it had appeared.

All I could do was stare with wide eyes as Yoongi slammed her shoulders back against the wall, though it was the look in his eyes that caught my attention. I had seen that expression before.

He was about to throw a punch.

"Yoongi, stop!" I cried, summoning all the strength I possessed to push myself to my feet and stumble over to the pair.

Yoongi whipped his head towards me with exasperated, almost wild eyes and his brows knitted in confusion and disbelief. "Y/N, she attacked you!"

"She isn't worth it," I spoke firmly in an attempt to get through to him. "Yoongi, just let it go. She isn't worth the trouble anymore."

It was when I placed a soothing hand against his back that Yoongi finally sighed, his stance visibly relaxing and his hands dropping from Professor Lee's shoulders. "She's right," he spit in a low, venomous tone as he turned back to her and grit his teeth. "Thanks to Dr. Kim, you already got what you deserve."

"Yoongi," there were sudden sobs that were tearing through the hallway, and it took me a moment to realize that Professor Lee was now... crying.

"Yoongi," she continued as she clung onto his shoulders. "Yoongi, I loved you!"

Somewhere deep inside of me, past all the burning hatred for what this woman has done to my life out of pure jealousy, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for her. This was once me, heartbroken over the effects of unrequited love. Yoongi was a very sought-after man, I'd come to realize, and it wasn't about my feelings or Professor Lee's or anyone else's. It was about his.

"Sara," Yoongi sighed, and there was almost a wince in his tone from how hard he was trying to make her understand. "It's over."

"W–what?" The woman was scrambling now. "It doesn't have to be! We can go back to the way things were–"

"There never was a ‘we’!" He ripped her hands from his shoulders. "We were friends, and then you sabotaged my career and Y/N's education. You never once spoke out about your feelings, came forward, handled things like adults," he stressed the last line. "You never once did any of those things! Instead you belittled another woman and cost yourself your job all for a man—someone who until now, was your friend." Yoongi sighed again and shook his head. "I hope you get the help you need, Sara. I'm sure there is someone out there who will love you unconditionally... but that person is not me."

And with that, he put a gentle hand on my back and we walked away.

“Oh my god.”

Those were the first words out of my mouth the second we exited the building, my hands resting on my head in disbelief as I turned to Yoongi. “Holy shit, Yoongi–“

“Shhh,” he instantly consoled me, his arms engulfing me in a comforting hug and my face tucking underneath his chin as he held me close. “We did it, Y/N. It’s all over.”

I stayed in his embrace for a few moments as his words sunk in. It was all over. No more secrets, no more Professor Lee—no more anything.

“B–but your job...” I pulled away to look up at him with a shaky tone, my brows furrowed in concern. “Dr. Kim fired you, he–“

“I resigned, Y/N. There’s a difference.”

“Is there?” I couldn’t help but look up at him with a hopeless expression.

Yoongi simply nodded his head, the picture of nonchalance as if his career hadn’t just changed forever. “Yes. If I had gotten fired, it would look terrible on my resumé should I apply for another teaching position. However, given the circumstances of our arrangement...” he paused, no doubt thinking of Professor Lee, “I suppose he decided to take it easy on us all.”

My shoulders deflated in relief. “Well thank god for that...” I sighed, not even wanting to think of what could’ve happened if Dr. Kim had given us the harshest punishment. In an ironic, twisted way, I suppose I have Professor Lee to thank for that. If she wouldn’t have made my life a living hell, it would’ve been that much worse if Dr. Kim ever found out on his own.

“But none of that even matters to me right now,” Yoongi suddenly snapped, and then in the time it took me to raise an questioning eyebrow he had already grabbed both sides of my face and rammed his lips into mine, the same as he did before we went inside to confront Professor Lee.

Only this time, the kiss was different. It didn’t hold promises and potential; it held freedom. It held the success of finally getting through everything by the skin of our teeth, the relief and the pride and the pure love that we have for each other after overcoming everything that we’ve been through together. I kissed him and I didn’t care who saw—because he wasn’t my professor anymore. There were no invisible chains that bounded us apart. It was just me and him sticking together against all odds. Never in my life did I think I would ever be a part of a relationship so committed, so passionate, so determined. He and I would never stop fighting for each other.

“I love you, Min Yoongi,” I murmured against his mouth with a grin on my features that was hard to disguise—especially when I felt the corners of his lips pull up into that gummy smile that I adored with all of my heart.

“God, I love you too, Y/N,” he replied back with a content sigh, and then he continued to kiss me on the busy campus sidewalk until we were both breathless and blue in the face.

Because we now had nothing to lose.

Despite finally being released from the clutches that school had on us, the days following the meeting with Dr. Kim were not easy.

Other than having to put on a fake smile and continue attending a university where practically everyone knew about my relationship with now-former Professor Min (my mother would never let me drop out—not that I could ever tell her the reason I'd want to, anyways), there were the stresses that Yoongi was dealing with of now being unemployed. And what with all but abandoning my dorm room to instead spend my nights with him at his apartment, it was impossible to not feel the weight of his problems on my shoulders as well. No matter how many times Yoongi tried to put up a façade and reassure me that he was okay, I couldn't help but feel like this was my fault.

"If I just never would've made you dance with me at that club..." I'd say at times, unable to keep from tracing back each and every one of our interactions and blaming myself.

"Cut that out," Yoongi would snap.

"What? It's true!"

"You know I don't like it when you talk like that!" He'd turn to me with a stern tone. "I don't regret anything that happened between us, okay? Not one single bit." There was a heavy silence as his words would hang in the air. "If you wouldn't have asked me to dance, then who knows if I ever would've worked up the courage to kiss you? And I wouldn't be here, sharing this bed with the love of my life."

"Aw, Yoongi..."

And the two of us would make love, again and again until we'd have a similar argument some time later and repeat the whole process all over again. I'd feel guilty, Yoongi would remind me of exactly how much he doesn't regret meeting me, and we'd get lost in each other's embrace.

That is, until a simple Sunday morning suddenly changed everything.

"I got it."

I casually peered over at the sound of him from my spot in the living room, sitting criss crossed on the couch in my pajamas with a laptop in my lap. "What?"

"The job." Yoongi's voice was low, serious as he stared at the paper in his hands that had previously been so carelessly disregarded on the kitchen island along with the Sunday paper. "At the university in Seoul."

"Wait." He had all of my attention now as I sat the laptop on the coffee table and rose to my feet. "Like the Seoul National University university?"

"Yeah," he let out a single chuckle of disbelief before he pressed the paper against the counter and turned to me. "I got the job."

"Oh my god, Yoongi!" I exclaimed with my own chuckle of disbelief before running forward and wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms immediately engulfed my waist and lifted me off the ground as we spun around in place, my lips instantly finding his in a searing kiss that was full of passion and excitement to match our current mood. "That's amazing!"

"I know," he replied as he placed me down. A tentative smile was frozen on his lips as he stared off into the distance before letting out another sound of disbelief, his head shaking before his palm slid down his face. "I can't believe it!"

"I'm so proud of you!" I mirrored the grin of pure elation on his features, my chest swelling with joy and relief and most of all, pride.

I was so, so proud of Yoongi. I knew how much his job meant to him, and the feeling of guilt that weighed down on me from knowing that I was the one who inadvertently took that away from him, that I was the one who inadvertently caused all this stress of job hunting was instantly lifted off my shoulders. I knew how much he wanted this. I knew how hard he had worked to get this job at such a prestigious school, and god damn it, I knew how much he deserved it. If Yoongi was anything, apart from being an amazing person and a wonderful lover, he was great at his job. He was a natural born teacher.

Though no matter how many times I've willingly showered him with endless compliments about his work, he'd blush sheepishly and simply swat away all of my words with a simple kiss, or an "if you don't shut up your food is going to get cold. We're unemployed now; we need all the nutrition we can get. Haven't you ever heard of the Great Depression?"

So instead, I just chose to beam at him while he basked in the euphoria of the moment that this job acceptance brought on. After all, I knew he was well aware of how proud of him I was and how supportive I'd always be when it came to anything he wanted to accomplish.

Though the bliss was short lived.

I watched as Yoongi's expression slowly fell, the smile on his face slipping into a deep frown and his eyes turning to stone. "No."

"What?" I furrowed my brows, concern filling me and etching onto my features as I cupped his cheek in my hand, trying to figure out why his mood had changed so suddenly. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not taking it." His tone was cold, definitive, as if the subject wasn't even up for debate as he grabbed the letter.

"Wait wait wait," I hurried to stop him from tearing it in half. "What are you talking about? Why not?"

He turned to look at me with cold, incredulous eyes, as if he couldn't believe I was even asking a question so stupid. "The university is in Seoul, Y/N."

"Okay...?" I shook my head in confusion, still not understanding what the issue was. "And?"

"I'd have to move." He was taking the paper back out of my hands and ripping it right down the middle before I got the chance to stop him.

I suddenly deflated, the severity of his words dropping in my stomach and wrapping around the anchor of my heart, sending it down, down, down through the floor of his apartment and hurdling towards the center of the earth.

"...What?"

"I'd have to move away from you."

And there is was, the bomb detonating an explosion and demolishing whatever was left of my heart.

"No... t–there has to be another way, there has to–"

"Seoul is hours away from here, Y/N," Yoongi barked out, his tone angry and harsh as it always was when he was upset. "It's on the other side of the country; there's no way I'd be able to commute without living there."

"Okay, so why did you apply then?" I couldn't help but snap back defensively. "You knew the distance to Seoul prior to applying for the job. Why even bother if you're just going to get pissed about not taking it?!"

"Because I didn't think I'd get accepted!" His voice was loud, almost yelling now. "It's the most sought after, prestigious school in the fucking country and I didn't think some young idiot who got fired from his last job would be able to get in!"

It was silent as his words settled over the atmosphere, clinging to the air that filled the room around us and encasing my lungs until it was impossible to breathe.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I finally hissed. "You're a great teacher, and you know it. If anyone's a young idiot here, it's me!"

Yoongi scoffed with a shake of his head. "I'm the one who kissed you again during that tutoring session after telling you to stay away. I'm the one who fucked you against that desk." His tone was low now, and his eyes seemed to grow harder in realization with each step that he took towards me. "I'm the one who asked to take you out on that fucking date and I'm the one who pulled you onto my lap when Sara caught us in my classroom! God damn it, I'm the one who tracked you down at a fucking frat party and punched one of my students!"

His voice slowly raised until he was yelling again, and if it weren’t for the fact that he was now standing chest to chest and cornering me up against the countertop of the island, I would've winced at the loud volume so close to my ears.

"Stop blaming yourself, Y/N, when I'm the one who was the authority figure. I'm the one who should've had my shit together, but I just couldn't around you!"

I felt myself soften at that. As angry and intimidating as he seemed right now, surely frightening whoever would come into contact with him when he was like this, I knew that it was all a front. Yoongi wasn't the best at dealing with emotional situations—he'd all but bite my head off any time I even tried to mention his father—and sometimes lashed out in anger when he was upset or hurting inside. I knew how badly he wanted this job; I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice when he'd first submitted the application. And now, when the career position of his dreams was finally right under his nose, he couldn't have it. Because I was holding him back.

"You have to take it." My voice was solemn and steady as I stared him in the eyes.

He instantly frowned. "What? No, I–"

"Yoongi."

He fell silent, all signs of anger and malice wiped from his features once he saw just how serious I was being. A soft, bittersweet smile that had nothing to do with happiness slowly tugged at my lips as my eyes gleamed with pain. My heart was breaking with every word I was speaking, but I knew it was something I needed to do.

"You have to take the job."

The silence that ensued my words only further proved my point, simultaneously stabbing a knife into my chest with each passing second. He knew I was right. He knew it. He just didn't want to hear it.

"You don't..." He sounded smaller, more pitiful and confused as he tried to make sense of what I was saying. "You don't want me to stay?"

The hurt, the sadness, the utter hopelessness in his voice absolutely crushed me. I couldn't help but fall into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his chest and squeezing tightly as if I could somehow hold the pieces of him together that I knew were breaking. The severity of what was happening, of what I was doing started to settle within me the moment I heard his voice break.

"I do, baby," I replied, the sound muffled by the skin of his neck that my face was buried in as a sob threatened to claw its way out of my throat and swallow me whole. "God, you know I do. But you can't."

"Y–you can come with me." He was shaking his head now, his hands gripping at the shirt on my back with closed fists while he desperately tried to hold onto me, as if I would disappear beneath him at any moment. "We can move together to Seoul and you can–"

"You know I can't, Yoongi." It was my turn to shake my head, and with it came a heavy tear that fell down my cheek. "I have to go to school. I have a family who's helping pay for my tuition, and my mom— you know it's not all up to me."

I heard him sniffle as he pulled away, and even though I felt no evidence of tears from him against my skin or my shirt, his eyes were bright red when he stared back at me.

"I'm not leaving you, Y/N."

The sheer determination in his voice had me shattering like broken glass. "I'm not letting you do this, Yoongi. I'm not letting you waste this opportunity. Do you know how many people are waiting to work at Seoul University? How many professors would kill to be in your position?" I kept my gaze steadily on his as I slowly shook my head. "I care about you... so fucking much. I've never loved someone so much before... not like this." I paused, asking myself one last time if this was really the decision I wanted to make as my words settled in. I took in the sight of his beautiful, breathtaking features silently begging me not to do this. "I'm putting you above my selfishness," I finally decided with another shake of my head. "You need to do this Yoongi, for you. You know you do."

Yoongi slowly shook his head, though the expression on his face told me he knew I was right. "I don't want to lose you," he spoke as a tear spilled over the brim of his eye, dampening his lashes and leaving a wet streak in its wake as it rolled down his cheek, and the sight was the final breaking point that had me bursting into tears.

"Neither do I."

His fingers dug into my skin as he tightened his grip on my body, his forehead leaning against mine as the only sounds exchanged between the two of us were the unspoken words of labored breaths and soft sobs.

Sometimes when you love someone, you have to do what's best for them.

And I knew this was what's best for Yoongi.

[tsarisfanfiction]

21 Asks: Fanfiction Q&A

Well I got tagged by @onereyofstarlight @gumnut-logic and @janetm74 for this, so here goes (answering on fic blog, because... fic!)

This is going to take a while, but it’s also going to be fun, so let’s get started :D

1. What fandoms have you written for?

Uhh... several.  In alphabetical order because that makes my brain happy, we have:

Published: Bleach, Boku no Hero Academia (My Hero Academia), D.Gray-Man, Detective Conan, Flight Rising, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Märchen Awakens Romance (MÄR), Mortal Instruments, Naruto, One Piece, Team Fortress 2, Thunderbirds, Twilight.

WIPs (Unpublished): Avatar: The Last Airbender, Dragon Orb, Flame of Recca, HunterXHunter, Inuyasha, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures (Part 7/Steel Ball Run), Kuroko no Basuke (Kuroko’s Basketball), MI High, Yu-Gi-Oh (Duel Monsters, GX, 5Ds), Yuri On Ice

A couple of those are only because of crossovers... which we’ll get to later.  Similarly, a bunch of the unpublished I have no plans to publish, but I’ve written them so they count in my head.

2. How many works do you have on AO3 &/or FFNet?

AO3: 150 FFN: 149 (the difference is due to a co-authored fic with @lenle-g on AO3, because FFN doesn’t support co-authorship)

(Tumblr has many more because so many of those fics are actually fic collections)

3. What are your top 3 fics by kudos on AO3 &/or favs on FFNet?

AO3 Kudos:

Tales From The Heart (1449)

The Combat School (524)

Succor (348)

FFN Favourites:

The Combat School (681)

Tales From The Heart (185)

Succor (136)

4.  Which 3 fics have the least kudos & favs?

AO3 Kudos:

Wishes of the Dark (0)

4am Forever / Leave Out All The Rest (2)

FFN Favourites:

A Little Fall of Rain / He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother, Leave Out All The Rest / See You In The Sky / Stolen Shadows all have 0

5. Which Fic has the most comments and which has the least?

AO3 Comments:

Tales From The Heart (618)

37 have 0

FFN Reviews:

The Combat School (608)

After Sundown / Heroes Made of Gas / Splatter / Stolen Shadows (0)

6. Which complete fic do you wish had gotten more attention?

I mean, I always like attention :P  That’s a hard question because my fandoms vary wildly in size, so for example, while Tales is one of my most popular fics, it’s still pretty tiny in comparison to the big One Piece fics out there, but ones like Grounded numerically barely rate while actually getting the attention of a much larger proportion of the fandom.

Honestly the fic that’s getting less of a response than I’d hoped is still incomplete... but I think I’ll go with Vulnerabilities.  It’s an older fic, and a drabble collection rather than a cohesive story, but it never really got any traction.

7. Have you written any crossovers?

Ah yes, crossovers.  I’ve got three published at the moment:

The Combat School (Harry Potter/D.Gray-Man)

Vampire vs. Shinobi (Naruto/Twilight)

Stolen Shadows (Flight Rising/Thunderbirds)

As far as WIPs go, I have (who knows when or if I’ll actually finish or post these):

Alliance (Naruto/Team Fortress 2)

Black Phoenix (Harry Potter/D.Gray-Man)

Legend of the Exorcists (D.Gray-Man/Yu-Gi-Oh/GX/5Ds)

Untitled (Avatar: The Last Airbender/Thunderbirds)

Untitled (Inuyasha/Lord of the Rings)

8. What is the craziest fic you’ve written?

What even counts as crazy?

Okay, I say that, but Vampire vs. Shinobi is a stupid, Twilight-bashing, parody crossover thing so.  Probably that.

9. What’s the fic you’ve written with the saddest ending?

Ahaha.  There are a few.  All of these have MCD warnings (two are canonical), two of which are suicide, so watch out if you’re poking around:

Deception (canon)

I Promised

The Fish and the Mermaid

The Light That Shines Twice As Bright... (suicide)

Torture (suicide)

Unwanted

Whirlwind (canon)

10. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Tsari likes positive endings.  I’m not actually sure what the happiest is, though.  I often write... hopeful, rather than happy?  The happiest I can think of... is a WIP that I have the ending planned for but that’s spoilers~

I’ll go with Riding the Dragon, I think.  But honestly just take your pick out of the family fluff.

11. What is your smuttiest fic?

Tsari does not post smut.  She has written some, she has not posted it and will keep it that way.

Out of the posted stuff... there is kissing in Briefings?

12. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I think when you hit 100+ fics, you’re lucky if you don’t.  I’ve had a few here and there, but they’re ignorable

13. What is the nicest comment you’ve received?

Oh boy.  I have had many nice comments, but I am going to highlight this one in particular because it’s the one that forever and always springs to mind when I get asked this:

Wow. That was pretty great. You writing managed to keep everyone in character, and still kept the story from falling flat. It's almost as if you stole a page from Cassie's story, and stuck it here. I really want to see more from you.

On: A Tradition of Pride

It’s nowhere near the longest I’ve got, and long comments make me super happy, but this one?  Being told it fits in with the original book?  Makes me beam like an idiot every time.

14. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

[insert eyeroll here]

I have had fics reposted, yes.  Tales From The Heart and Whirlwind have both found themselves posted on sites I don’t use - I managed to get Tales taken down, but the site hosting Whirlwind isn’t paying me any attention.

15.  How many fics do you have marked as incomplete?

Nine, which is both too many and not as many as I thought.  Although if you ignore the collection fics - Tales From The Heart and Behind The Scenes, which are basically eternal wips - it’s seven.

16. Which of the WIPS will most likely be finished first?

Just A Bruise, because it’s already just about finished, @lenle-g and I just need to tie up the final chapter and editing the rest of it before it’s posted.

17. Which WIP are you looking forward to finishing?

Long Way From Home, because it’s going to be huge and finishing that will feel amazing.  But it’s going to take a long time.

18. Is there a WIP that you’re considering abandoning?

Nope.  I will, one day, finish all of them.  Yes, even Uchiha Itachi.

19. Which complete fic would you consider rewriting?

Complete?  None.  However, the above mentioned Uchiha Itachi is being (very slowly) rewritten - and is actually on its second rewrite - because it pains me in its current state.

20. Which complete fic is your favourite?

Asking the hard questions I see.  I have a soft spot for In Your Shadow, I admit, although I have several fics that I love (mostly my Military Bros stuff...).  Also Tales, although that’s technically not “Complete”.

21. What’s your total published word count?

AO3: 956,962 (I aim to break 1 million by the end of the year... just watch me!)

FFN: 1,102,070 (FFN counts author’s notes, AO3 does not)

If someone is brand new to your writing, what work would you want them to start with to get to know you, your style, what you’re all about?

This is not a numbered question, I see, but it was on the post I copied these from, so I guess this is 21+1 questions!

I’ve answered this before, and honestly I think I’d stick with the same answer - Black Widow.  It’s not my biggest fandom.  It’s not my most recent work.  But it does contain a lot of playing around canon without breaking it.

Although, if someone has the time, Tales From The Heart does great for showcasing the range of things I write.  But that’s also 250+ chapters, so probably not a good one to start with.

And this is where I tag people, yes?  Not entirely sure who’s been tagged already, but let’s go with @lenle-g @ak47stylegirl @thetwelvecaesars @gaviiadastra @willow-salix @scribeofred

[ilovemybarricadebabies]

another fanfic ask game post! enjoy!

This time I’m doing these questions!

Inspiration and Reading Questions:

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

Reading: I’m not sure. Maybe 2011/2012

Writing: 2013

2. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

It’s definitely both, but I wouldn’t call it a perfect 50/50 split. It varies. Sometimes I read more, but write less or vice versa.

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do.

Not really. I usually just write fics for whatever I want to.

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Current favorite WIPs.

All That’s Left by @doriangrayscale

flowers for your grave by @grantairesbottle

Lover of the Light by @areyoumiserableyet

Favorite (four) all-time fics

Ask me no question (and I’ll tell you no lies) by Signe_chan

If you offer salvation, I will run (into your arms) by mornmeril

this is fact not fiction by Rianne

Oh, It’s What You Do To Me by captainskellington

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something.

I have a love-hate relationship with slow burn fics. Like I love them because give me the pining, give me the obliviousness, give me the amazing, sweeping first kiss, give me the angst, just give me all the delicious development that comes with finding common ground and falling in love. That being said, however, and I realize that I’m in the minority here, the hate part comes in when the story is really long, let’s 50+ chapters, and the story gets to chapter 50, but the romance still hasn’t started coming into play and I’m starting to just get sick of it because nothing has progressed to romance. Like there gets to be a time where too much is too much and usually, when that happens, it’s time for me to say adios! to the story.

6. How do you find new fic to read? Where do you primarily read fanfiction.

I primarily read fics on Ao3. I loathe FFN.net with every fiber of my being.

I usually just leave the Enjolras/Grantaire category open on and refresh it like three to four times a day for new stories to read.

7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics?

It depends on the ship, but I mostly like long fics.

8. How often do you reblog/comment on fics that you like?

I’m absolutely horrid at commenting (I’m working on getting better), but if it’s a story that I really like (ex. the three WIPs mentioned in question 4), I will comment every time there is a new chapter.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

I have no idea. In my opinion, I think all writers are underrated and unknown.

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Enjolras and Grantaire (Enjoltaire) from Les Mis.

Fanfiction Writing Asks:

11. How do you come up with your fic titles?

Through music or quotes. Sometimes one just comes to me, but mostly through music or quotes.

12. Tell the author your favorite fics title of theirs (not the fics, stricktly the title). Author: what’s your favorite title you’ve come up with and why?

I love all the titles of my fics, I can’t possibly pick a favorite.

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just look at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

I make some sort of outline, but I don’t think they’d really get much of a headache since it’s pretty much just a basic plot, maybe sometimes a little more than that.

14. Do you have personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not?

Absolutely not! I write until I think I’ve found a good quitting spot. That can be 500 words or 20k words. It all depends on how I’m feeling and where my motivation is at.

15. Tell the author your favorite fics of theirs. What’s your (the author’s) favorite fic you’ve written?

Forever Was In His Eyes is my favorite with Begin Again as a close second.

Honorable mention because it pushed me out of my comfort zone: Beating of Our One Heart.

16. Do you research your fics? If so, how deep of a rabbit hole have you down by accident while researching?

I only research if the fic absolutely calls for it.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

On a scale of 1-100, 100. I’m not motivated by feedback like some writers are, but I do love to know if someone is enjoying my fic or not.

18. Do you have WIP that you keep telling yourself that you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably lie?

Nope. Any WIPs that are unfinished, will probably stay unfinished.

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

I edit, and then, I’m constantly editing after it’s posted. If I re-read one of my fics and spot a spelling mistake, I can’t just let it sit there, I HAVE to fix it. I am also currently in the middle of long and giant editing project to make sure all my stories are the best stories that they can.

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Um...I, for some strange reason, love outlining. I love coming up with the sequence of events. How do the characters get from point A to point B. How does the story end.

21. What’s your least favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Editing and revising. Always.

22. Do you take fic requests? If so, for what characters and why?

Nope. I don’t get enough attention in my inbox to do that.

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Forbidden love. I’ve always been such a sucker for this trope.

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

I’m sure that there are some tropes that I would never touch in a million years, but I can’t think of any write now.

25. Do you listen to music as your write? If possible, link your writing playlist.

I listen to music, but I don’t have a playlist. Most of time it’s just Taylor Swift.

26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing?

Um...if I’m watching a brand new TV show or one I haven’t watched in a long time, I’ll pay more attention to the screen then what I’m supposed to be writing. This goes for movies too.

27, Do you like to give your readers some warning of what might be coming or just slap them in the face with content at random?

I keep my fics under lock and key until they are finished. No one knows any details about them except me. The one exception to this rule was Beating of Our One Heart. I warned that that fic would feature a polyamorous relationship (something I have never written before) while I was working on the outline.

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

Well, the only pressure I usually feel is worry that people won’t like my story, but I think that’s normal for every writer.

29. Have you ever written for an exchange or event of some kind? Which one(s)?

I don’t write for events.

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

R (11:46 P.M.): I’m not sorry.

31. Of the characters your write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain one?

I love writing Enjolras. I’m sure people who have read my fanfics find him to be OOC, but I don’t care. When I write him, he’s half me projecting and the other half is him being the righteous revolutionary that we know him as.

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

I can’t pick three, I have too many favorites.

33. What do you like writing better: one shots or multi-chapter stuff?

It depends. I like writing both. I also really like writing one shots that are 30k+ and multi-chapter fics that are under 10k. It all just depends on my mood and what the fic calls for.

34. How much of yourself and your life experience do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

As stated above, I project onto Enjolras. How much, I’m not saying. I do put my likes and dislikes as the characters’. When I write children, I draw inspiration from my nephews. I use my high school class schedule as the characters’ schedule when I write high school AU’s. The jest of what I’m saying is that I have no idea what my readers’ image of me is.

35. How much has writing fic changed your life?

It’s become my escape when things get too difficult or stressful.

36. Are they any fics or fandoms you’re embarrassed to have written or been apart of?

I’m not embarrassed by it, and I never finished or posted it, but I started writing a Sound of Music fic. I don’t remember what it was about, though.

37. Give an update on your current WIP - if you have one, give a sneak peek to a title or idea that you have and would like to write.

My current WIP is almost done. I just have to finish writing more scene.

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

It’s very tame, so 1. I write my stories in order of events, if I don’t I get confused on what’s happen. I start by writing an outline, and then I write and I edit (multiple times) before I post.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

That I write what I want to. No comments can really influence the story (unless it’s a consistency thing) because I write the whole thing out before it’s posted.

40. How did you come up with the idea for [x fic]?

You can see this answer right here!

41. What’s your most popular fic (with the most notes on Tumblr, most hits/kudos on Ao3)?

My most popular fic based on hits: Somethings Are Meant to Be.

My most popular fic based on kudos: The Enjolras Guide to Weddings and Love.

42. Asker: pick three of the author’s works. Author: rank them 1 (the best) - 3 (the worst) based on whatever criteria you want - this could be something totally random that isn’t quality related ( like simply ranking fics based on how many trains appear in them) have fun!

I’m skipping this question!

43. Talk about a positive experience with fanfiction or the fanfiction community that you will always remember.

Every comment that I get, especially if I get it when I’m having a bad day, is like a little ray of sunshine for me. Again I’m not motivated by comments or feedback, but I can’t deny that receiving it is like a cherry on top of a delicious hot fudge sundae.

44. Ran about something writing related.

How long it takes to write. I wish I could just connect some sort of machine to my brain, and it would just churn out the words for my fics and they could be done a lot sooner. And that fanfiction could come before homework and life, but alas it can’t.

45. Fic specific questions - if you have any weird questions about specific works, here’s your shot to ask them!

Skipping this one, but if you have a question about any of my fics, my ask box is currently closed, but my DM’s are always open.

[dragonnan]

Author Interview Tag

Tagged by @aelaer a week or two ago, thank you!

Name: Tanya (among family I'm Nan or Auntie Nanny)

Fandoms: Sherlock, MCU, Psych, Prodigal Son, and a goodly collection of others

Where you post: For a number of years I posted on FFN but between the really shitty reviews and extremely cumbersome posting process I finally quit.  I posed on Psychfic while still an active part of that fandom but that, too, has pretty much ended.  I put a few stories on Wattpad but found it to be pretty meh. I now post exclusively to AO3.

Most popular multi-chapter fic: It's a tossup between “Fury” on Psychfic and “All Nighter” on AO3 – one based on comments and the other on Kudos.  Frankly “popularity” is really subjective because there's also stuff like read count and with comments, at least nearly half are replies from me and read count also includes re-reads as well as every time I clicked on the damn thing to edit so....

You know I'm just really not sure how to properly answer this??

Favorite story you’ve written so far: Like others have stated you can ask me this on three different days and get three different answers and there will be more than 1 fic mentioned every time so.... Because I write in different fandoms I just absolutely can't list a single fic.  The best I can narrow it would a fic from my top 3 fandoms.

Psych: Paint it Black.  I had read a fic where Shawn was gradually going blind and had really been enjoying it and the challenges it presented.  Sadly it was never completed.  As has happened before I decided I would write my own damn fic if I couldn't get a completed story so that was the primary motivation to start this.  What I most love about this is writing from Shawn's perspective as he navigates being blind and not knowing whether or not his condition is permanent.  I did my best to honor the experience of blind and partially blind people and tried to look beyond the cliché.

MCU: I have so much fun writing these stories! In spite of the dumpster fire the film canon became I do so love this sandbox and employing various forms of unfucking it.  So I'm gonna cheat a little and pick two for my faves here since one is a WIP.  Sed Diabolus.  I don't need to have completed it yet to know this will be my all-time favorite.  This is the first fic that has been entirely plotted out and OMG I'm so excited for iiiit!!  The second is Simple Math which seems like an odd choice given there's zero action – mostly just one character – hell, not even any whump.  But there is something about that deep dive into Tony's mindset that keeps this as a fave even though it was the first thing I ever wrote for the MCU.  I learned about Tony as I wrote this and I also worked my way through those motivations that bothered me regarding Stane.  Even years later I still mentally go back to this fic whenever I write Tony because I feel encapsulates the essence of how I see him as a character.

Sherlock:  Compared to other fandoms I'm still quite new to this fandom so I don't have nearly as many fics.  But I still have a favorite!  And, like with the MCU, it's the first story I ever wrote for this fandom; The Tiger and the Shark. Returning to a plot device I've employed in other fics, this one is built around a sexual assault and taking the character on a journey from that terrible event to the point where they rediscover themselves.  PTSD ever being my favorite form of whump I employ that fairly a lot in this story and employ some kinda radical methods for coping with those memories.  

Fic you were nervous to post: I mean until I start getting comments I'm a world of anxiety with every story I post.  But grabbing a specific fic that hit my nerves – that Sherlock fic I'd said was my fave certainly qualified.  Not only was it my first Sherlock fic – it also was charging out of the gate with a very heavy topic so yeah – I wasn't sure if people would absolutely hate it or find my characterizations totally off or what.

How you choose your titles: It varies a bit.  In some stories, like Sed Diabolus, I actually consult friends on various ideas.  Other times I'll consider songs or lyrics and my favorite thing is if I can alter the known title just a bit to make it more relevant to the fic (I did that a LOT with Psych fics which was the method the show also employed for its episode titles).  One of my favorite Psych titles is “The Wizard Was the Wicked Witch and the Scarecrow Lost His Courage”.  

Do you outline: Almost never – not until “Sed Diabolus”.  That story, though, is so astoundingly complex that without an outline I'd be hopelessly lost.  I am, though, trying to make a practice of outlining more because it helps SO much!

Complete: If we count every one-shot collection and challenge collection it likely is over 200 stories. Of course a lot of those are one-shots.  My total completed chaptered fics number maybe around 34?

In progress: 16 – between Psychfic and AO3.  All Psych stories are on long-term hiatus for the foreseeable future (some, honestly, I will never finish as they are many many years old and I've lost the inspiration for the plot). Several MCU stories are also on the back-burner while I focus on “Sed Diabolus”.  I admit I get LOTS of story ideas and staying focused on a single fic is not something I've ever been greatly successful with.

Coming soon/not yet started: I meaaaan.... lots?? I have probably several hundred ideas and partially started fics across many fandoms.  As to “imminently coming soon...” I don't think I currently have an active story that I haven't already posted at least a first chapter.  Sadly I have zero patience for developing something for months before posting which is why I have so many WIPs.  That said I DO have a Sherlock au that has been poking at me now and then involving the witch trials that started in Denmark and, eventually, made their way to Salem.  The idea would be that Molly Hooper is accused of being a witch.  She, of course, is innocent but cause this unfortunate attention due to her “uncanny” ability to heal the sick and injured (not so much uncanny as opposed to employing methods that aren't so reliant on superstition and folklore).  

She is scheduled to be tortured and executed but is saved by Sherlock – a strange recluse primarily ignored and given a pass as he solves mysteries for people. He and his friend John save Molly from this awful fate. The twist is that Sherlock is a sorcerer (bit of marvel crossover-ish) and able to transport them to safety.  

Do you accept prompts: I wish I could cause I love ideas but I don't have the time/energy to always work on what I already have and I'm awful at follow thru.  Like I will never turn away an Ask wanting to share ideas but I can't promise that I can actually write anything.

Upcoming story you are most excited to write:  As was the reply to a previous query – I have lots that are ideas that will linger in partial stages for sometimes years.  If it's “upcoming” I've already posted the first chapter lol!  But, again, I have several story ideas that whenever I poke through my folders I get excited about someday actually writing them.  Here is a teaser for an MCU fic involving Tony Stark and Obie (I still feel this was never explored enough – certainly not in fic):

They were doing a retrospective, ten year anniversary kinda... whatever.  Unofficial, of course. Certainly nothing Pepper would have dreamed up even at her most drunk (which, honestly, was never her scene.  Tony had sorta owned that space well beyond the time it had started owning him).  Whose idea it ultimately had been?  Frankly Tony couldn't give a fuck.  That he was asked to be one of the speakers was slightly more... awkward. Awkward was the right word, yeah?  Nauseating was certainly another and possibly a bit more accurate.

Dead for a decade and Obadiah Stane still managed to fuck with his life.

But... it hadn't always been that way. At least, not as he'd believed back when the Walkman had been on every kid's Christmas list.  

He'd thought it was bonding; at the time.  His dad had never been one for just hanging out; shooting the shit; telling tales out of school.  No, Pops, when he bothered to interact, led with questions.  “You keeping your grades up?” “You still seeing that floozy?” “When are you going to pull your head out of your ass and grow the hell up?” “You do realize it's my name you're disgracing every time you go on a bender?”

With Obie it was just, easy.  Obie might ask about school but it was always with approval and pride.  He would discuss Tony's conquests as though Tony had climbed Kilimanjaro wearing nothing but underwear and a cape.    

Obie was there when his father wasn't. Which meant that Obie was always there.  The first time he got astoundingly drunk on his father's scotch, Obie was the one to help him hunch over the toilet and vomit expensive, aged booze into the toilet.  Obie was also the one to replace the depleted bottle to keep Howard in the dark.  For a fourteen year old kid still trying to gain his dad's favor, that had meant everything.

He saw his first porn with Obie; sex education ala Traci Lords, three months shy of his fifteenth birthday.  That was the same time he was introduced to weed.  Obie had cautioned him to use it sparingly; didn't want to fry that genius brain, he'd say, and ruffle his hair.  The porn had made him uncomfortable.  Obie had turned it off and told him they could watch whatever Tony wanted.  They'd ended up changing the station to Knight Rider; smoking and munching Cheetos and laughing over their orange fingers.

It was Obie who was there, arm around his shoulders, after his parents died.  He desperately didn't want to sob in front of the man.  Things were so complicated with his dad that all he felt was blinding guilt... as though some part of him had caused this.  But Obie had filled him with bourbon until the emotions got soft around the edges and he'd sat beside the older man, head tipping gradually to the right until he was held up by Obie's shoulder.  Obie had just slung an arm around him and let Tony pass out while he rubbed a broad hand up and down his bicep.

It was strange, now, looking back with adult perspective.  A perspective that included Afghanistan and his intended execution while Obie talked about legacy and responsibility while Tony's lungs slowly seized.  He'd taken the time to sit there – arm around Tony's shoulders while one broad hand traveled up and down Tony's bicep – just like when he was a kid and Obie was the whole world.

He'd tried to remember if it had felt so... tainted... at the time.  Or if he'd always believed it was love.

Obie had never quite crossed that line. Though hindsight offered a peek into that possibility with enough clarity Tony had fought with his cramping gut for nearly thirty minutes.  He'd staved off vomiting though he was fairly certain his dignity had still been in tatters what with Bruce wandering in on his misery.

Upcoming story you are most excited about (this is basically a repeat of the above question so I decided to change it.  Do you have a future story idea you'd like to write that is not yet beyond the vague idea stage?  I love stories that put Molly in some sort of jeporady and I have a barely formed idea to someday write a “stalker fic” of some sort and not I don't care that this trope had been done on  repeat – I still love it lol!  I have a smidge of writing for it:

“I need your help.”

As afternoons at Baker Street went, this was a mundane request heard so often that Sherlock's typical reply, “Obviously, or you wouldn't be here”, could have been printed on flash cards.  The detective had actually made the suggestion after a particularly full day at the flat and having heard the statement no less than twenty times.  

Today, however, Sherlock merely blinked for a moment.  Then, with an awkwardness rare to a man with a lethal sort of grace in his movements, Sherlock gestured to John's chair, JOHN'S CHAIR, before taking his usual seat.

Molly didn't exactly smile but her lips edged up a bit before she sat.

John cleared his throat before pointing a vague hand towards the kitchen.  “I'll just go make some tea, shall I?”

“No, please, I...”  The stammer in her speech was not uncommon; though John couldn't recall such obvious fear.  Forgoing the kitchen he, instead, took the hard wooden chair facing the other two.

“Molly, what's wrong?”

Tagging: @kitcat992 @mizjoely @sgam76 @ariaadagio @hanuko @ceruleanmindpalace 

[the-kitteh]

*pokes the Kitteh* You know those writer asks? *Grins evilly* Do all of them.

I SWEAR TO ALL THAT’S UNHOLY, MEG!!!!

Also @journeythroughtherain, your questions will be answered in one heap. 

1.       What is your preferred place to write (notebook,laptop, cellphone, etc.)?

Laptop when I have access to one and notebook when I’m travelling.

2.       When did you start writing?

When I was but a wee, 15 yo kitling.

3.       What is your favorite thing to write?

Romance, though I’m pretty good with crach humor fics as well.

4.      Fluff or angst?

5.       How would you describe your style?

Emotional soft with a sad and/or angsty edge. Depends on the day I’mhaving.  

6.       Where do you usually find inspiration?

It just comes and goes, like a goddamn wave.

7.       Do you listen to music to help you write?

YES ALWAYS

8.       What’s the biggest “challenge” for you as a writer?

Keep shit together. It stems from the fact I can’t write linear to save mylife so putting together a million or so scenes to make one coherent story isthe biggest challenge for me.

9.       Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, livingroom, etc.)?

I either steal some time at work or write in the living room.

10.   Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP?

Sure! Have some mer!AU:

“Until one day, somethingchanges. it’s almost closing time at the aquarium, and he’s been in the back ofthe tank, lingering in the shadows for the better part of the day. The visitorswere especially noisy today, constantly poking and knocking at the glass, thevibrations rattling his bones. 

He’s glad for the comfort the man-made structures ofhis tank provide, where the artificial lights aren’t as bright, aren’t aspainful on his eyes. 

Someone stops near his house and home and he grimaces,waits for the knocking to start. 

None does for the longest of time - the announcementto hurry up and leave blaring through the aquarium already - and finally, cautiously,he peeks out. There’s a boy in front of his tank, his image distorted by glassand water alike but he’s simply standing there, patient and silent andunmoving.

And so he swims out, shows himself as he is becausehe’s suddenly curious about this bubble gum-colored twig of a boy.

Once he’s up close, he sees that the boy looks likethe seashells he dreams about sometimes - he’s all cream and pink, with sharp,sharp edges he wants to test his fingers against.”

11.   How many stories have you written so far?

AO3 has 27 works, but there’s a bunch over at ff.net as well and over atlivejournal, not to mention the ones I never published anywhere. Consideringhow productive I was during my JRock phase and my anime/manga years, I think itcircles between 100-150 so not overly much?

12.   What’s your favorite thing that you ever wrote?

Ruins.

“and amidst the ruins, there was you” hands down. There are no words todescribe how much I love that story and how proud I am of both myself and thefic.

13.   How many chapters does your longest series has?

“Anywhere” takes that particular title with 24 chapters.

14.   What’s your favorite character/person to write for?

Aiveana Yumi are always a pleasure to write when it comes to OCs, and Tonyis just SO good to write for I want to die.

15.  “OCs” or “Reader”inserts?

OCs!!! I love those ;.;

16.   Can you tell us anything about your current WIP?

The one currently being posted? Soulmate AU where one part of the bondedpair believes he is soulmate-less and the other hates the concept of beingbonded with a passion.

17.   How long was the longest fic you ever wrote?

That’s…. that’s probably the Jointverse. That one clocks in with 149 528 words and I probably shouldmentioned that it covers about  half ofthe canon timeline so far….

18.   What fandoms do you write for?

Currently that’s kpop and Marvel (WinterIron). Other fandoms include MassEffect and Dragon Age, Final Fantasy 7. I used to write for Bleach, Weiss Kreuzand Magic Knight Rayearth, as well as a bunch of RPFs in regards to Jrock.

19.   What is/ are your favorite fandom author/authors?

…….. nope. No answering that, I wll not list half of the bloody server inhere!

20.   Have you ever written an AU?

Yes and I loved it more than I thought I would.

21.   What’s your favorite AU trope?

Apparently, dystopian AUs. I love all things soulmates too.

22.   A fanfiction cliché you can’t help but love?

Friends to lover with a pinch of mutual pining and misunderstandings. Watchme die slow and happy.

23.   For how long have you been a fandom writer?

Pretty much ever since I started writing, it was for fandoms, so 20 years?

24.   Have you ever had an idea for story and forgot aboutit?

Probably? I forget so many things I can’t say with all certainity this hasnever happened to me XD

25.   What do you do to motivate yourself to write?

I literally guilt trip myself into writing XD

26.   How did you find out you like to write?

In all honesty, I just … started writing, I thik it was Sailor Moonrelated? And it was so much fun that it just stuck.

27.   Are there any writers (fanfiction writers or not) thathave inspired you to start writing?

A polish criminal stories writer, her books accompany me tothis day and Iwanted to write just like her so I picked up a pen one day.

There are a few fandom writers that have inspired me to be better and paymore attention to my writing or who were there to support me when I wasdoubting my worth as a writer. I’ll be forever grateful for them

28.   What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

Currently, I love writing my WinterIron – because of the people there and becauseof how many story ideas I managed to come up with

29.   Describe your style in three words.

Soft Emo vomit.

30.   What would you say it’s the most “famous” fic you’veever written?

I think it’s the “Moments” series with @mistrstank cause I pitched in with akickass co-author there?

31.  Blurbs or drabbles?

Blurbs.

32.   Have you ever written smut?

Yup.

33.   How long does it usually take for you to write?

Depeeeends? Depends on my mood, on my work load and on the story itself.Ruins took me 9 months to write, while “pain and sorrow” was written in 2 days.

34.   What’s your favorite font to use when writing?

Cambria.

35.   Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics?

I think shorter ones. I’m rather good within the first 10K, but lately Ican’t plan for shit really cause a story I planned to wrap up under 10Kcurrently’s reaching 41K so….

Your mileage may vary I guess.

36.   How do you keep yourself inspired?

Uh. It just.. happens? I brainstorm sometimes, or see something that sparksup the urge to write something specific, or there’s a quote I particularlylike.

37.   Have you ever written something you didn’t like butposted anyways?

No I don’t think I ever did something like that.

38.   What is your “strong suit” as a writer?

I am very good at the emotional side of things.

39.  What’s your favorite trope?

I have a hugeass soft spot for all coffeeshop AUs. 

Shocking.

I know.

40.   How many likes do your fics usually get?

I literally have no idea how to measure that? Not as many as I would likeXD

41.   Have you ever used a prompt?

Sure, prompts are lovely!

42.   What is your weakness as a writer?

I’m impatient. I sometimes want to post before being really through withthe chapter or a one-shot and I sometimes don’t catch all of the mistakes ortypos. Having a beta ( hi @eirlyssa

43.   Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while readingsomething you wrote?

Yes. I wrote a death scene that sent me crying.

44.   Have you ever done a collab with other writer?

JointVerse in a way is a major collab and as previously stated  Moments

45.   One thing you love about fanfiction.

The freedom it gives.

46.   What’s your favorite emotion to cause on your readers?

If I make them happy when they finish a story or when I get a commentsaying how a reader held their breath.

47.   What’s your favorite thing about writing?

The way that it calms me down and makes me happy to be doing what I love.

48.   Do you post your writing in any other platforms?

AO3.

49.   What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad,etc.)?

Google Docs.

50.   One thing you don’t like about fanfiction.

Probably the fact that it’s downplayed as much as it is, because it’s not “original”.And that some people feel entitled to be demanding and rude about it, justbecause they get stuff for free.

51.  Least favorite trope?

A/B/O settings and high school AUs.

52.   Favorite words to use when writing?

I KNOW I have a pretty much  a trademark phrase or two, but currently, I amunable to cite any of them????

53.  Least favorite words?

 a little bit NSFW here, but I really dislike the word “cum”. 

54.   Do you usually like what you write?

I’ve been learning to love what I write

[writings-from-the-hart]

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Just as promised this is the beginning of the three-part post about answering @quilloftheclouds questions for my Wip Renegade. To kick things off I’m going to start with Modes of Transportation, I thought about adding pictures but that’s time-consuming and would make this post longer than it already is. So if you guys want to see some pictures of the Modes of Transportation in Renegade let me know, I post them! 

Modes of Transportation

The world of Renegade is a mix between Tron: Legacy and Blade Runner 2049, a blend of both cyberpunk and post-apocalypse dystopia. For a world set two millennia past ours (2200) transportation isn’t what most people from our generation would think it to be: there aren’t flying cars, skyscrapers don’t serve as spaceports, and people don’t regularly take trips to the moon or live on Mars. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t cool futuristic modes of transportation, most that travel on something known as The Grid (a network of synchronized power that runs below every interstate, highway, street, and connects at the center of each City-State like hubs to give every citizen of the Republic power). Without The Grid life wouldn’t be able to function, the world would find itself in cold darkness or in other locations scalding heat of the sun without means of protection. 

The Grid runs like ley-lines, connecting everything in the Republic to make it work like one giant machine, these lines can best be seen at night and truly showcase how vast the network is. It’s like a collection of different colored lights running along every surface in the world, some following vehicles. The Grid distributes power to transportation, homes, factories, and other buildings in the Republic. 

HyperExpress

This is the bullet train of the future that can travel up to 2,000 mph, it utilizes a vacuum tube in order to reduce air friction and increase its speed. Not only is HyperExpress an ultra-fast bullet train it also serves as a kind of subway for all Caste citizens, not only the higher/wealthy ones. The HyperExpress system runs much like the railroad did when it first started laying track in 1830′s America, it’s the veins and nervous system of the Republic when it comes to transportation, stretching from one City-State to another across all connecting contents. Both cheap and highly efficient. 

Air-X 

Flying cars aren’t an option for civilians, scientists in the Republic tried to make it happen but after many try fail cycles it was deemed safer to not put the public in such contraptions. So only Air-X remains, the only commercial flying vehicle in the Republic skies. These are unmanned, piloted by A.I or small Androids, freight containers with a small cab build into the front. Using Air-X frees highways, interstates, and the oceans from unnecessary cargo shipment by vehicle or ship and instead acts much like a miniature plane of sorts. Small shipments use hover technology in their motors while larger shipments passing overseas use twin-jets or quad jets depending on the load.

ePath 

Much like HyperExpress there is a network of tube-like structures following smaller highways in City-States civilians in both the middle castes and high castes can use who: ride electronic bicycles, electronic scooters, or even walk. The system is at least 17ft above the road, keeping pedestrians a safe distance from motorized traffic, is climate-controlled all year round, and also offers conjunction points were either 1.) City-State district limits begin and end or 2.) A transportation module such as HyperExpress is available. This allows civilians to hop off ePath and use another mode of transportation or walk directly about the City-State as they please. 

ThunderHaven 

Human beings have been entranced with the idea of flying for decades and pushing the limits of that idea, ThunderHaven provides that extra push into the unknown. Following in the steps of countless airplanes and military jets that have both teased and pushed past the sound barrier this is the super-fast plane that not only pushes past and surpasses the sound barrier, it full on blows it away entirely. ThunderHaven travels 8 times the speed of sound and is also capable of breaking out of Earth’s orbit and touching the stars if it pleased. Its design is sleek, made of the finest materials to keep the body both lightweight and strong, and also windowless. Fear not, inside passengers have a choice between a real-time visual of outside the plane or movies. ThunderHaven has three travel classes for each caste: low, medium, and high. 

Electric Vehicles 

Just because cars don’t fly in 2200 that doesn’t mean they don’t hold their usual allure if anything cars in the Republic are far more diverse and better suited for Earth (as well as people). Pulling power straight from The Grid once a vehicle is in motion, tends to stay in motion running on pure liquid energy without producing climate-damaging greenhouse gases and nitrogen oxide. They can travel for miles and never need to stop to charge while within City-State limits (near a central hub) because The Grid is most powerful there, however, once beyond City-State limits and in outer rim districts/Outlands The Grid is less powerful and vehicles need to recharge after 600 miles. Most vehicles are outfitted with solar panel cells built into their framework, so they remain lightweight, efficient, and ready to charge at a moment's notice if you’re in the outer rim districts/Outlands. Any caste of citizen can own an electric vehicle, what varies from caste to caste is the classification of vehicle. 

Speedsters: These are unhinged, drag-racing, high-performance “cars” with a design that primarily revolves around speed and elegance, most high caste citizens own Speedsters due to their designs and the materials that go into creating them. It’s costly. Speedsters usually never adventure past inner City-State districts because many are low clearance and wouldn’t survive the rough terrain of outer rim districts/outlands. Much of a Speedsters appeal originates from the sleek design they take on: wheels built tightly into the frame not bulky in any way, smooth aerodynamic design, and many resemble “classic muscle cars” from the past giving drivers a nostalgic feeling. While they are pretty to look at and comfortable to sit in people are also drawn to what lies underneath, a powerful engine that pushes past all known boundaries of horsepower.  Speedsters can be defined in two simple terms: powerful and fast.

Cycles: These are vehicles that are not allowed on ePath and resemble sport motorcycles in design. Cycles are extremely slender, hold up to usually only one person (driver), and have tire technology called tilt-tread to allow the cycle to perform tighter turns without risking the driver. The front wheel is locked forward so steering is done by tilting Cycles, not turning the front wheel (why tilt-tread is so crucial). However, when attempting certain maneuvers a pair of small fins spring out behind the driver to aid both balance and braking.  Speed can be increased by twisting the twist throttle back towards the driver (located on the right-hand side handlebar). Most Cycles also come with small twin jets seated by the back wheel, this allows faster speeds to be reached efficiently. Unlike Speedsters, Cycles can adventure beyond inner City-State districts and endure some of the rough terrains of outer rim districts/outlands pose. All kinds of citizens from Castes ride Cycles due to their affordability and ability to go beyond inner City-State limits. 

Trail Blazers: Rugged, usually larger than all other forms of electric vehicles, Trail Blazers are designed to do as their name suggests: pave new ways through the wild territory without being stopped. These are the vehicles that can easily adventure into the outer rim districts/outlands without a second thought, large tires paired with reasonable ground clearance to avoid hazards the terrain may pose and not sink into softer ground due to roads becoming less frequent the further they adventure. Trail Blazers adapt to the terrain around them by extending spikes from its tires for better traction and adjusting its suspension for either better ground clearance or shock absorption. Only high caste military personnel drive these vehicles. 

Roadsters: The last classification of Electric Vehicles, these are sporty vehicles that sit between the Speedster and Trail Blazer category. Their primary design isn’t based on speed or being able to survive the unforgiving landscapes of outer rim districts/Outlands, instead, it’s comfort mixed with style. Built with enough ground clearance to adventure into outer rim districts/Outlands while maintaining a sporty design these vehicles are made for the middle caste families. Roadsters are often referred to as “the family vehicle”, outfitted with a third-row seat (unlike most Speedsters and Cycles) that is roomy and comfortable it’s the ideal vehicle for traveling in groups. 

And there you have it folks, the modes of transportation in the world of Renegade! I had so much fun basically spilling all my thoughts about this fictional world I’ve created and fallen in love with. If you have any questions or want to know more just send an ask or anything! Part two of worldbuilding questions for the world of Renegade is the Social Structure. 

[wausdraws]

Howdy! Commissions are now open! As this is my first time doing anything of the sort, I'm keeping it to five slots so I'm not overwhelmed, on the chance I am commissioned. Also of note: I am open to discussion! If you're unsure about anything, please contact me via Discord, at Awauspic#3154. I will answer you as soon as I can, so feel free to ask!

A Few Things First

          A few things you'll want to know before even considering commissioning me.

All In One Place.  Since I'll be having a limited number of slots, I'll be leaving these available for checking. You can track these on my Trello if you want to see what I'm doing, though I will also state whether my commissions are open or closed on my dA profile & art Tumblr.

Full Payment Beforehand.  I require full payment upfront for commissions. Pricing and Payments below will cover how I'll handle refunds and anything extra that may come up.

Communication is key! I will check with you for every stage of the commission, and request that you stay reasonably responsive; I want to make sure it looks as good as can be, but to do that, I need to know your thoughts!

On Uncertainties: If you think you might want to commission me but aren't sure where anything falls - contact me! I want to give you the best possible experience, which includes before you commission me. I'm perfectly willing to discuss what you want with you, regardless of whether or not you decide to commission a piece from me.

Referring to references... As a general, I will want a flat-color reference, with no or minimal shading, or an available color palette. If there isn't one available, I'll work with you to get the appropriate colors down and provide a swatch with the completed piece for future reference.

Cleaning up afterward. Post completion, you have one week to point out anything minor or easy to fix within the piece that bothers you; as long as it's within that week, and reasonable, I'll fix it. Past that, however, it's done and dusted, and I will not be altering it.

What Can I Do For You?

          You're okay with the above? Great! Here's what will be accepted, what will be rejected, and a few things I'm a little iffy about. This isn't exhaustive, so if you're hesitant at all, contact me! I'm more than happy to clarify for you!

I will draw:

Furries! As visible in my commission post above, I will draw fursonas and general furry creatures, feral, to anthro, to 'taur.

Animals! In-line with furries, I'll also do general animals.

I might draw:

Fandom content!  This is more so because I need to know where it's from, and have references available. Though by no means an exhaustive list, some fandoms that I'll cover are:

Undertale/Deltarune

Since this is AU heavy, please specify if Classic for standard, or give me the AU. I try to keep up but dear god.

Warriors, including OCs.

Light Gore. I am willing to draw bleeding/injuries/fights. See below for what classifies as too much. Again, this is case-by-case.

Body horror. I'm much more tolerant when missing chunks, extra mouths, broken shapes, and general weirdness is just part of the design. However, it is still case-by-case, and we'll need to talk it out.

Innuendo or Suggestive. Tasteful relative nudity, suggestive posing or behavior, and visual innuendo. Nothing too obvious, but I’m game to work with you on figuring something out.

I will not draw:

Mechs!

Actual Human People. Those who are real people. I’m not drawing a celebrity, I’m not drawing your cousin.

Humans, in general. This will change as I improve, but for now, humans are a firm no go.

Bugs. I am terrible with them. I will improve, but for now, these are no-go.

NSFW.

NSFW Gore is anything excessive; pieces being ripped off, clear abuse or painful deaths are hard no's.

NSFW Sexual is with visible genitalia, actual sex, etc.

Pricing and Payments

       Having chosen what you want and the piece in question confirmed to be alright, here comes the rest of it; paying the artist. As a heads up, everything listed is in US Dollars.

Details, Extras, and Deadlines, Oh My.

Character(s)

Group Shots: I will do multiple characters for full-body pieces of any level, but not for sketches or mugshots. Each character will add seven dollars onto the original price, for up to five characters total.

Complications In The Making: Characters come in varying levels of complexity. However, if one is exceptionally intricate - either in having heavy, detail-orientated patterns or a lot going on, that will be ten dollars per intricate character, alongside the original pricing.

Backgrounds: With all pieces, I’ll include a simple mono-color background, as well as one without. In fully rendered, I’ll add an effect on top to make it special. However:

Funky Background on Non-Rendered: I'm happy to add background effects on a non-rendered piece. However, it'll cost you another two dollars.

Simple Scenery: Scenes are another beast entirely. For simple scenes, that's seven dollars.

Detailed Scene: Fifteen dollars flat for anything detailed; more requested features drive the price up by two dollars every two features.

Deadlines.  If you want a piece done by a certain time, it may drive up the price depending on how quickly you want it, and if there is anything I will have to set aside to get it done. Naturally, I will reject deadlines that I know I will not have time for, or are otherwise unreasonable.

Start to Finish: For a single fully rendered body piece, it takes me approximately three days to complete, while balancing it between the rest of my workload, while sketches often only take minutes.

Sets: You can commission multiple works at once, and I'll bundle them together to be done along the same timeline, or at least with each other; excluding a deadline or real-life problems, I'll have them done and sent to you at the same time. Individual prices still apply.

Up-Front, And Returned

       After alerting me to your intent to commission and getting the details worked out, so comes the green.

A Cuppa! Feel free to pay me through Ko-Fi! It takes in 3$ increments, so anything divisible by three is an option, and with less processing fees.

Paypal! After we've got everything settled, I'll hand over my Paypal.

Patreon! Still a WIP, my Patreon is available if you're feeling like you want regular doses of art, or just want to support me. I appreciate it no less. <3

In the event of a refund... I will refund for work not completed. If, for example, you commission a full render, but request a refund after I have completed the sketch, I'll keep the sketch costs, but return the rest to you; you also, of course, get to keep what work was done before the refund.

[jaerie]

11/11/11

I was tagged by @phd-mama and @allwaswell16 and @chloehl10 so this is more like 33/11/11 hahaha  I got a little carried away with this but I love answering stuff like this

Answer 11 questions, come up with 11 more, tag 11 people.

1. Tell me, do you like music on when you write?? 

No, I have to have silence.  Or, you know, normal household noises.  When I was in high school I listened to music with the tv on while doing my homework but now.... I think it’s moreso because I periodically close my eyes and visualize the scene or really throw myself into the character to get the emotions right and the music just takes away from that.  I also hear music in a really complex way which I won’t explain here because this is about writing, but yea, it’s too much stimulation

2. Are you someone who plots everything out before you write it?

Absolutely not.  I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve actually plotted something for a fic in this fandom.  I’m definitely a fly by the seat of my pants kind of writer.  I generally have somewhere the fic is going, but I usually let the characters steer so sometimes it vectors off someplace I never expected it to go.  That’s how so many of my better fics have gone.  I did have to plot out As We Were, As We Are extensively because wow complex precise true to life timelines, but that’s really the only one I’ve actually done a real one for. 

3. Do you write in chronological order?

Most of the time, yes.  Occassionally I’ll jump down and write or start a scene that either inspired the whole fic or that I want to get down before I forget it, but I usually write from start to finish.  

4. Do you like to eat while writing?

hahahahaha usually no.  But only because I’ll get distracted and like.... not write.... 

5. Is there a trope you love?

I am a sucker for fake/pretend relationships.  It’s so obviously one of the most predictable storylines but I’ll read every one of them.  I don’t know why.  The misunderstanding angst of it... I don’t know! 

6. Have you written it? (See 5)

I don’t... think so... Is that bad I don’t remember?  But I don’t think I have 

7. Is there a trope you hate?

I can’t really do the sugar baby/daddy scenario... there are a few cases where it’s worked but in general, no.  

8. Have you written it? (See 7)

I think there is a little bit of it in a couple maybe?  And someone asked me to write one that’s still in my maybe pile... so I might.  

9. Can you read your main ship with other pairings?

Depends.  Usually yes because if it’s a pairing I don’t like I just kind of generically gloss over it in my mind a bit?  Or imagine the same description but not that exact person?  But there aren’t really a lot of absolute nos for me and it’s usually related to me not like that PERSON rather than the ship (taylor swift for example, have to really speed through fics with her in parts BUT like I said, it’s easy for me to imagine a likeness that’s not HER specifically. Idk).  If it’s well written then it’s worth getting through it, if it’s not well written, I probably wouldn’t finish it anyway.  

10. What’s a solid NO GO for you?

I don’t have many and most of them even have exceptions so I don’t know what a solid no is until I see a tag that’s a solid no??  And they’re the usual general niche things?  (scat, watersports, idk those things)  Hardcore bdsm-type is a no for me (but there have been some exceptions).  MOST things that are nos for me like daddy kink, I can still read the fic, I just kind of... speed through those parts?  I don’t really have any actual triggers...  I don’t really read a lot of girl direction if they’re both girls.  Which is a weird complicated issue for me because I WRITE IT.  And there are some good ones out there that I have read but in general...?  idk it’s weird and probably has a lot to do with me being sdpofijapsdgjoidsjfosdj about words for vagina rather than it actually being girls.  But to be fair it took me years to be comfortable writing cock and dick without blushing and running off.  I don’t know, it’s something about reading it that it usually isn’t my first choice.  That was a long complicated answer just to say “not really”

11. Do you have a signature move, aka, let’s say for no particular reason, just because, coming in pants?

oh my god.  Yes.  Probably.  I can’t think off of the top of my head but I definitely find myself returning to the same phrasing or words or actions.  Especially when it comes to abo and knotting.  

1. What’s your favourite fic you’ve ever written, and why?

Sisterwives and As We Were, As We Are I think because they are the two I put the most into.  Plotting, planning, emotions, etc. 

2. Pick three words that you think describe your works overall.

Problematic (lol), intense/emotional, sexual. 

3. How long does it take you to write a fic?

Varies.  I’ve written 20k+ in 24 hours and I’ve written 5k in a month.  Really depends on what I’m working on and my emotional state of stress.  

4. What’s the hardest thing about writing?

For me?  Fluff and filler.  And English.  I’ve fallen into a pattern of writing that probably has a lot of errors in tense.  But... it is what it is.  

5. Do you listen to music or anything while you write? What’s normal for you when you write?

I answered this one in depth above 

6. How do you come up with titles for your fics?

I have this terrible thing where I just name a fic and run and then regret it and want to change it once it’s already posted hahahahaha There are a handful that I’ve named after Hanson lyrics just because I think it’s funny... but most of the time there is no rhyme or reason to it.  

7. What’s one piece of advice you’d give to a new writer?

Just keep writing.  Because it’s easy to get discouraged about kudos and attention.  Kudos and attention does NOT equal quality.  It’s still something that I struggle with letting go, but as a new writer it’s more difficult not to see that as a failure.  But my first fics in this fandom still have some pretty low kudos counts and my fics in other fandoms have as few as FIVE kudos.  Five.  I think they’re great fics, but I’m just not as known in that fandom/there aren’t as many readers.  For example, I wrote this AWESOME Brokeback Mountain fic for the Hanson fandom and it has only 15 kudos.  

8.  How important do you think tags are when you are publishing a fic?

*gets up on soapbox* Tags are the most important part of publishing a fic.  I am a firm believer that anyone can write anything the want as long as it is properly tagged.  Proper tagging is the writer’s only responsibility to the reader.  If those are in place, what follows doesn’t have to be tailored to anyone.  

9. Do you write for fests/exchanges? If so, do you enjoy them? If not, why not?!

I have mixed feelings about this.  I used to write for both.  Now I exclusively write for fests and I’m selective about the ones I participate in.  Why?  Well for one, deadlines.  I’ve made the mistake too many times of overcommitting and then nothing felt right and I was stessed about it and just... not good.  As for exchanges... I’ve been burned in the past?  By dropouts and such?  Or by the giftee not liking or never reading the fic?  Or by me needing to drop out for mental health reasons but not because I was writing FOR someone?  I’ve done a handful of pinch hits since I swore off exchanges, but they’re too much anxiety for me personally.  (I have had some good experiences with exchanges though!! Not all of them were bad!!)

10. Which work of yours are you most proud of and why?

As We Were, As We Are..... because.... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FRICKIN RESEARCH I DID FOR THAT FIC!? ALL WHILE WRITING IT DURING NANO?!?!  I put soooooooo much into that fic that I’m sad it didn’t get much attention.  It was written for the Alex exchange so Harry is written as Alex so that’s probably why.  Some people have a big problem if fics aren’t written a certain way.  I don’t know.  I was really sad about that though.  I LIVED in WWII for months with that fic and it will always be special to me.  I’ve even thought about putting more work into into it to have it published somewhere.  I know it’s not like... classic 1D fic quality or whatever but I think the bones of it are strong enough.  I don’t know, I’m probably delusional. haha but I still like it

11. What’s next for you?

Oh man.  Well.  I said I was going to stop writing for this fandom.  But then this rush of support came in and then I started to feel really spiteful and thought that I’d keep going just because of that... and I feel like I’m only just now gaining a following for my fics that keeps me motivated enough to keep improving... soooo I’ve committed to a few fests coming out this fall.  I am also participating in Wordplay going on right now.  The first fic comes out tomorrow I think.  I also have some Sisterwives timestamps.  

1. What fic have you written that you wish everyone would read?

dunkirk fic and sisterwives probably 

2. What’s your favorite character you’ve ever written?

hahahahaha harry from one of my yet to be published sekret fics hahahahaha but I really love so many of them like shifter harry

3. What’s your most popular fic and why do you think it’s your most popular?

By Kudos?  Where Do We Go Now.  And I have no idea.  Because I always have to click to even remember which one it is.  And it was written so fast and I remember not liking where it went but just hit publish because it was a pinch hit... I honestly have no idea.  Someone please give me insight on this because i have no idea.  

4. What’s one of your favorite fan fics that you haven’t written?

I kind of answered this above but I’ll also say The Wilds because it wrote so fast.  I wrote the whole thing in under 24 hours

5. What is your current WIP about?

Ummmmm Some of them are going to be posted on anon I think?  So I’ll just say Thor Harry

6. What is a fic that you hope to write someday?

siiiiigghhhhhhhh my Almost Famous au

7. Do you read fics from other fandoms? Which ones?

I read a lot of Thorki... and random fandoms.  I love to read a lot of fucked up shit just for the shock value of it?? I don’t know, I’m weird like that.  So I started branching out to general tag searches so I’ve read stuff from tons of fandoms that I don’t even know what they are.  I think Supernatural is one I frequent a lot because they have some real fucked up fics. 

8. What author or book has influenced you as a writer?

Sooooo There was a writer that really sparked my creativity back when I was in a different fandom.  But then they disappeared from that fandom and I ran into them as a popular figure in the 1D fandom but they’re kind of hated in the fandom now?? so I won’t say their name.  BUT in the other fandom, they had this fic that I still go back and read to this day every once in a while.  It was intense, a lil fucked up, and just... yeah.  The kind that sticks with you.  

9. What’s one of your favorite books from when you were a child?

Island of the Blue Dolphins.  Which I reread a few years ago and ??? idk I was a weird child.  I mean I didn’t think it was a BAD book

10. What’s an au/trope that you thought you didn’t like until you read one and loved it?

Harry Potter AUs?   haha I’m sure there are more than that because there have been a LOT I didn’t think I’d enjoy and then I loved... OH THE TIME TRAVELER AU.  I don’t remember why but I didn’t read that foreeeeever because I didn’t think it was my thing.

11. Choose one: angst or fluff?

angst.  this isn’t even a question.  

Wow.  I probably spent too much time on that.  If you’ve made it this far, kudos for sticking in there through my ramblings.  

Let’s see.  

1. What is the most problematic concept in one of your fics?

2. Mpreg. Yey or ney and why.

3. What aspect of a fic can you write but not read? 

4. What aspect of a fic can you read but not write? 

5. What fic is your most popular? 

6. Is it a fic that surprises you or is it one you wish was not as popular?

7. Is there an exchange/fest that you didn’t write for that you wish you would have?

8. Do you write in any other fandoms? 

9. What was the first fandom you started writing for? 

10. Do you write other pairings other than your main? 

11. What projects are on the back burner?  

Omg this was so hard.  um.... @tragic---love @wendydarlingfics @reminiscingintherain ummmmmm omg tagging people gives me such anxiety bc i feel like i’m annoying. its a struggle.   back at cha @chloehl10

[terrablaze514]

Let Down Your Hair (WIP Wednesday)

Dear God, not this again.

No, not again.

Every day has become a chore and no one seems to care.

Wait, that’s not true. There were people who cared. Ten at most, not that it really mattered.

It had all started when Wufei reported in to Preventers HQ on time. Two of his fellow teammates exchanged friendly daps with him as they made their way to their workstations. There were no major missions in store, which sucked due to the fact that Heero and Duo got top priority, among several unnamed others.

Trowa, Quatre and himself were placed in a latter spot of the mission priority list. However, their respective teams also felt the same.

This had nothing to do with Commander Une. She’s fully confident in their skills and expertise. Her admiration was well-known during the war in AC195, but she didn’t get to tell them until their successful hires last year.

Wufei was the first to join, thanks to Sally Po. After three months of successful training, missions and reports, arrests and ongoing research, the other former pilots hopped on board: Duo, Quatre, Heero and Trowa. Funny how that happened, but at least they were happy here. All five teens had their own living spaces at first, prior to moving in together under the same roof.

This served to lighten the load with bills and household responsibilities. No one had to worry about sleeping alone at night, what to wear on a day off, or whose turn it was to cook and get their car washed.

While researching potential threats of The Earth's Sphere at his desk, Wufei recognized who the troublemaker was...

Nichol.

It never mattered that the wars had ended. This guy had the nerve to ensure that mission assignments weren't given to those who were the perfect fit. Quatre had expressed his suspicions about him last night, stating how the man rolled his eyes and kissed his teeth every time he walked in. Trowa referred to this employee as the biggest loser of all time; don’t expect him to grow a soft spot for the former OZ soldier anytime soon. Duo insisted that they hit the gym more often, so they can teach the fool some manners for forcing the others to stay at headquarters when they were fully capable of taking charge off-site.

Heero would glare in Nichol’s direction for hours. If he returned to the office with mission reports, a death glare. If he was on his way out for lunch break, a death glare. If he ever waited in the conference room for Commander Une to show up, another death glare at Nichol. The last time this happened, well, Heero slammed his folders onto Nichol’s desk and leaned in. His cold Prussian blue eyes outmatched the brown pair of the other man; he froze.

“You better give some assignments to the others, or else…”

That’s the last time Nichol had put up with Heero’s subtle threats. Unfortunately, very little effort was made when Wufei was the only ex-Gundam pilot who received little to no phone calls for mission assignments…

How frustrating!

Weeks and months varied each time Heero, Trowa, Duo or Quatre left. Sometimes in pairs. Occasional threes or all four of them. The thought of this drove the young ex-Gundam pilot to tears.

Nothing is the same when five of them didn’t go on missions together. At this rate, he needed something - a useful distraction to clear his mind. To his surprise, the day flew right by and Friday meant a part-ay!

Except today.

Nichol entered their department with a cart of white envelopes. The cunning, grudge-like expression on his face became a mutual turn-off for all the staff stationed here. It’s no coincidence that he picked up these negative vibes from others, especially when Wufei was around. Men and women of all ages, including some former OZ soldiers, didn’t take sides with him since that one incident that almost got Lady Une killed back then.

Times have changed.

The cart screeched to a halt as Wufei grabbed his keys and documents. Many of his colleagues had saved their work and organized their workstations when Nichol got in Wufei’s way.

“Hate to burst your bubble,” he said condescendingly, “but there’s nothing for you today.”

Wufei raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about? Today is payday.”

“Payday for some,” Nichol corrected. “Not for everyone.”

“Excuse me?”

“Friends of Trowa aren’t worth shit. I suggest you get off on the onnas you can’t stand. That is, unless, you fail to keep it up long enough.”

Fists and jaw clenched, Wufei got ready to strike the fool in question when...

“Hey!” A voice bellowed. “The hell is your problem, Nichol?”

At this point in time, various agents formed an entourage and shot glares in Nichol's direction. What the hell was his problem, anyway? The ex-Gundam pilots did nothing to offend anyone. Heck, work was work, so Nichol’s act of ushering in details of their personal lives had thrown a few people on edge.

“I suggest you seek counseling or resign if working with us poses problems,” the voice continued. “It's do or don’t - your choice.”

Just then, everyone (except Wufei) turned in the direction of that authoritative voice. Duo stood there with his briefcase, headphones around his neck, and a green pair of sunglasses hanging from his collar.

[winglesscrows]

I’m Yours Ch. 5

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First I Previous I Next 

Merlin (BBC) I T I Merlin & Arthur I 37k WIP

Merlin had secrets, and Arthur knew nothing of them, until, slowly, he did.

In which Arthur slowly unravels the mystery that is Merlin, and begins to realize just how much he doesn’t know.

Read on AO3 I Patreon I FF.net or under cut

“Sire,” Lancelot called to Arthur as they passed each other in the hallway. It was quite late into the afternoon, and Arthur was already thinking about dinner and rest. He had spent most of the day discussing politics with the council and his father, and his brain was slowly turning to mush. Politics weren’t usually something Arthur hated, but calculating how much grain should be given to each village based on the number of children, elderly, pregnant women and working adults, while factoring in the varying geographical circumstances of all of the villages, well, that wasn’t really one of Arthur’s favorite topics. However, Arthur was particularly fond of discussing infrastructure and was pushing the council to pass a suggestion to start work on a new road which would make travel easier for many from the outlying villages, who wished to come to the city for trading or other purposes. So far, they had more or less ignored him and his wishes for a new road.

Regardless, the point was that Arthur was tired, but Lancelot was always good company, “Yes?” Arthur answered, stopping to converse with his knight. There weren’t many people around them, only the passing servants who were getting ready to serve dinner for the inhabitants of the castle.

“I heard that you plan to have some knights escort Lord Agravaine on his travels,” the knight began and Arthur nodded.

“That is true, although I don’t believe that to be public information yet,” Arthur smiled, teasing Lancelot was always a little fun, only because he usually got the joke about three seconds later, and always looked slightly baffled when he thought he had done something wrong.

“Merlin talks,” Lancelot explained, a smile growing on his face as he had realized Arthur was joking.

“He does,” Arthur agreed, “It’s a bad habit of his.”

They both smiled, but Lancelot continued, “Regardless, sire, I wanted to request that I became a part of this mission.”

“Really?” Arthur lifted an eyebrow, “I think you are a bit too talented to go on such an excursion.”

“Perhaps, sire, but I want grow in any way I can, so what I came here to ask was if I could lead the mission. If that isn’t too arrogant of me,” Lancelot bowed slightly to show his respect, but Arthur beamed. He had planned on sending out some of the more… inexperienced knights on this little mission, but if it could serve to let Lancelot grow more comfortable in a leader position, then it would be excellent.

“That is a great idea, Lancelot,” Arthur said, not even trying to hide his smile, “If you are ready to lead, I think you would be very fit to do so. I’ll have a list send to your quarters of the knights available for your mission, and you shall choose five. I would also like you to write a short essay explaining your choice of knights.”

“You shall have it within a day, sire.”

Lancelot disappeared down the corridor and Arthur felt more awake than before. Lancelot was his finest swordsman, and a couple of years younger than sir Leon. When Arthur became king, Leon would be first knight, but Arthur was looking to incorporate Leon into a council position at some point. Leon wasn’t only a fine knight, but a skilled tactician and a naturally observant person. With many years of military service, Leon could prove very useful in the council, and when that time came - whether naturally or forcefully - Arthur would love for Lancelot to be first knight. Not only was he incredibly skilled and perfect for the job, but he wasn’t of noble blood, and when Arthur was king, he would remove the laws that prevented others like him to become knights. Having Lancelot as first knight would be a great example of status not mattering, but only what was in your heart. But more than just that, Arthur was happy that Lancelot was taking agency as a knight with much potential.

Arthur came back to his chambers with food ready on the table and Merlin tidying his desk. He was still not allowed to do everything that he wanted to, but at least he wasn’t complaining a lot about it. Merlin was in a good mood today, Arthur noted, as the sound of Merlin’s humming reached his ears. Arthur could only wonder why, because his servant was often in a good mood for trivial reasons (last time Arthur had asked, Merlin had simply said that he was happy because the sun was shining). Merlin didn’t acknowledge that Arthur had entered the room, perhaps because he hadn’t noticed as he was standing with his back to Arthur. The prince watched the back of his servant for a moment. One would hardly think that he was recovering from two serious injuries with the way he was behaving.

Other than Merlin’s humming, the room was silent - so silent in fact that Arthur could hear when Merlin went through the papers on his desk, orienting himself on what everything was so he could organize it correctly. It was only then that it occurred to Arthur how much he let Merlin be privy to. Merlin was free to read everything Arthur left on his desk, Arthur confided in Merlin when it came to matters of state, and he let Merlin advise him on whatever the topic of the month was. And somehow the realization only put a smile on Arthur’s face.

Arthur was also in a good mood today, and when Arthur was in a good mood, he liked to mess with his servant. Arthur silently snuck up behind Merlin, until he was less than an arm length away from him. He then brought his hands together to make a loud clap, and watched with delight as Merlin jumped and threw all the papers up in the air.

“Arthur!” He exclaimed, and Arthur burst out laughing at the sight of his servant, “Not funny!”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Arthur said between laughs, and then he slowly composed himself again.

“You are horrible,” Merlin shook his head, “Now I have to start over,” Merlin gestured to the mess of papers that now covered Arthur’s floor.

“I’m sure you’ll manage,” Arthur said and clapped Merlin on the back, “Now come and eat with me.”

“What?” Merlin said in disbelief and Arthur almost burst out laughing again.

“You heard me. You keep bringing up way too much food so I have to assume you eat everything that I don’t anyway. Might as well keep me company.”

Merlin squinted his eyes, trying to see if Arthur was joking (to be fair he had done that before), but then eventually pulled out another plate, cutlery and cup, and sat down with Arthur.

“Lancelot came up to me today,” Arthur said, studying Merlin’s reaction.

“Did he?” Merlin said casually, “What did he want?”

“He wanted to lead the escort of knights that Agravaine is taking with him next week.”

“That seems like a great opportunity for him,” Merlin said, and Arthur knew that if he hadn't known what to look for, he would never have known that Merlin was lying to him, or rather, deflecting from the truth (at least this time it was more in jest than anything).

“Don’t pretend you don’t know,” Arthur said and gave Merlin a little shove. Merlin smiled knowingly.

“I really don’t know what you mean.”

“Only three people knew that Agravaine was taking knights with him on his journey. I didn’t tell Lancelot anything, and I’m sure my uncle didn’t either, so who do you think let him know?”

“Probably Gwaine,” Merlin said and gestured into nothing, “He couldn’t keep a secret even if his life depended on it.”

Arthur shook his head, and Merlin smiled at him. One day, Merlin wouldn’t lie to him anymore, but Arthur could live with this. This was fine. Truly.

“You are close,” Arthur said slowly, “You and Lancelot,” Arthur didn’t know where he was going with this topic, but he was interested in knowing more about what made them such good friends. He was also quite interested in knowing what Merlin and Gwaine had in common that made them good friends, but Arthur didn’t think his brain was ready to wrap itself around that just yet.

“He saved my life the moment we met,” Merlin said, “Don’t really get better first impressions than that.”

“It definitely beats being called an ass.”

“Hey!”

“You’re still very close though,” Arthur continued, “You could have told anyone about the mission, but you told Lancelot, why?”

“He deserves it,” Merlin shrugged, “Besides, you look at him differently than you do at the others. Like you expect more of him. Thought I’d give him a hand, since you have high expectations.”

“Are you saying I’m hard to please?”

“Very much so.”

Dinner with Merlin was easy. There was no awkward silence, although they always seemed to have something to talk about.

"I've been wondering," Merlin said slowly, and Arthur rolled his eyes in jest.

"That requires thinking, Merlin, you think you can do that?"

Merlin groaned lightly and shook his head, "Honestly, Arthur, you're such an ass."

"I think that's well established by now, but what were you wondering? I am curious."

Merlin took a breath, perhaps to steady himself and Arthur braced himself for their conversation taking a turn.

"When I told you about Nimueh, you didn't question that I sought to magic for help," Merlin seemed resolute in his statement, "I simply wanted to know your thoughts about... everything I told you."

Arthur sighed. Were they really doing this now?

"I have a lot of thoughts," Arthur said truthfully, "But I suppose we can start with the magic. Honestly, I didn't think much of it," Merlin seemed surprised by this fact, and rightfully so. Arthur had grown up with a father who had beaten it into his skull that magic was evil to its very core, "When you told your story, I think it finally occurred to me just what you are willing to do to keep me safe – which I am not happy about by the way – and if I had had the knowledge you did, that I could exchange my life for someone I cared about, I would probably have done it too."

"But," Merlin pushed, "It's magic."

And that was another thing. Magic wasn't just illegal in Camelot and punishable by death, but just hearing the word sent his father into a frenzy. For a long time, Arthur had believed his father's words regarding the forbidden art. After all, he had only ever seen magic being used for evil. But slowly, ever so slowly, it occurred to Arthur why that was. Who would dare use magic to grow a plant, when it could get them killed? And who would shy away from it if they intended to kill the king? The idea of his father being wrong had been slowly growing, and evidence had slowly piled up. The light guiding him to safety as he had retrieved the antidote for Merlin. The magic that had cured Gwen's father. The keeper of the unicorns, Anhora. The druids going about their life peacefully.

And Arthur thought that in some ways, Morgana was proof as well. Morgana hadn't turned on them because she had magic, Arthur refused to believe that. She had turned on them because of how Camelot treated those with magic. Magic could do frightening things, but Arthur had to believe that it could do good things as well. When Arthur had thought Merlin's story through, it had made sense to him that Merlin wouldn't shy away from using magic. He hadn't grown up in Uther's kingdom, but in Cenred's. He had grown up in a place where magic was legal. So Arthur had not thought much of it when Merlin had told the story and when he had finally thought it through, it just made sense to him, so he had let it go entirely. To Arthur, the core of the story was that Merlin had sacrificed himself for him, and he wanted to avoid that Merlin would have to do it again.

"It was magic and I'm alive because of it, so there isn't really much I can say to that," Arthur ended up saying, and Merlin nodded slowly, perhaps processing Arthur's reply, "But maybe we should talk less about how you did it and more about why."

Merlin looked startled for a moment, before regaining composure and looking intently at Arthur: “I believe I already explained why. You can't already have forgotten, can you, sire?”

Arthur huffed, it was just like Merlin to make light of the situation. “Of course not. Do you really think so lightly of me?”

Merlin rolled his eyes dramatically, “I don't think you want me to answer that question, my lord.”

“But seriously Merlin,” Arthur said, getting back on topic, “You can't just... use yourself as a shield every time I'm in danger. Didn't it ever occur to you that I don't want you to die?”

“I...” Merlin hesitated, seemingly at a loss for words, “It's not that simple.”

“And why not?”

“Arthur, don't you get it? You have to live. If there's the tiniest chance that my life can keep you alive just a day longer, then I have to take it. You have no idea how precious you are. How important you are to this kingdom and its people.”

“Merlin, I understand well enough what my role as the future king-”

“No.” Merlin interrupted harshly, “Arthur. You don't understand. The actions you take. The decisions you make. Everything you do shape this kingdom and make it a better place. Look at your knights. Look at Gwen. Look at me . You give us something to believe in. Give us hope for a brighter future, because we know that you act out of the good of your heart.”

Arthur looked at Merlin in disbelief, “How can you be so sure? I ruled this kingdom for three months and it was overwhelming. It was harder than I could have imagined, and you must have noticed. You were with me every day. How can you have that kind of faith in me?”

Merlin forced a laugh, and looked at Arthur hopelessly: “You are an arrogant, royal prat, Arthur Pendragon, but sometimes I wished you were more confident in yourself.”

Arthur had nothing to say after that, and they finished dinner in silence.

“You didn't touch any of the chicken,” Arthur remarked as Merlin cleaned the table, “You need meat to grow muscle.”

“Ah,” Merlin said slowly, “I try to avoid meat. Not a big fan.”

“I would ask how a person can't like meat, but for some reason I assume that it's because you feel sorry for the animals?”

“Something like that.”

Arthur shook his head and it felt like they had never had that heavy conversation. The rest of the night felt normal.

And then came morning, and Arthur had to confront all the things Merlin had said the night before. Arthur wasn't sure if he wanted to see Merlin at this particular time. He wanted time to think, and it was hard to think about Merlin, when Merlin was there.

And whether by luck or design, Guinevere entered his chambers with breakfast, and while he was always happy to see her, he honestly couldn't say that he always got this delighted when she walked up to him.

“Merlin said he was behind on some chores, and I offered to bring you breakfast,” Guinevere explained, less to say why she was here and probably more to let Arthur know that Merlin wasn't slacking off on his duties. She was quite protective of him.

“Mind staying?” Arthur offered and pulled out a chair for Guinevere at the table, which she gladly accepted.

Perceptive as she was, Arthur hadn't even taken his second bite of breakfast before Guinevere asked what was troubling him.

“It's Merlin,” he said honestly, “He keeps getting hurt.”

Guinevere but her lip at that, and something occurred to Arthur. He had never asked her about the relationship between the servants, and certain knights and nobles.

“Did you know?” Arthur said quietly, “About sir Richard?”

Guinevere lowered her head as she answered: “I did, Arthur, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I-”

“It's okay,” Arthur assured her, “Merlin told me that he made everyone promise to keep it a secret.”

“He's usually okay,” She continued, “There was a boy, once, about three years ago, the man he was waiting on would beat him every night. He almost couldn't walk by the end of the week, so Merlin stepped in. It was the first time, at least that I know of. We were all so scared for him, but there was nothing we could do. And Merlin, he was fine. At first we thought he was just putting up a facade, but we checked him. Barely a bruise to be found. He's not always that lucky, of course, but it's never... He's never...”

“I know,” Arthur said, “It's not your fault.”

“For what it's worth, I think you were right to kill him.”

Arthur looked at her, slightly startled, “That wasn't my intention.”

“I know. I know, but anyone who treats someone like Merlin so poorly, I can't help but think the world is a better place without people like that in it.”

“Perhaps,” Arthur said slowly. He wasn't fond of killing. And especially killing his own knights, even if what he had done was unforgivable.

“Be more confident, Arthur Pendragon,” She sternly, “It would suit you.”

Arthur smiled sweetly at her: “Merlin said the same last night.”

“Of course he did. He always gives the best advice.”

Guinevere left soon after, having other duties to attend to. Arthur regretted not seeing her more, but there was nothing he could do. Not as long as they had his father's watchful gaze on them.

Arthur stayed in his chambers most of the day. He had paperwork to do, and it wouldn't do him any good to put it off. Besides, it looked like it would rain, so training could wait until tomorrow. Arthur made it way past lunchtime before he finally heard Merlin clumsily making his way down the hallway – hopefully with some food – but he still wasn't in the mood to see him, so, mature as he was, Arthur hid in his own chambers.

From Arthur's excellent hiding spot, he could see as Merlin put down the plate of food at the table, and set the table for Arthur to eat, even if he wasn't there. He half expected Merlin to leave after that, but was weirdly surprised to see Merlin do his job and do a quick sweep of the room. Merlin eventually made it to Arthur's desk where his papers were still scattered, and Merlin looked at them for a while, perhaps contemplating if he should put them away or if Arthur would come back to it.

Merlin never got around to make a decision as someone entered the chambers. Merlin turned his attention towards the door, clearly expecting Arthur to walk in as he smiled, but his expression faltered immediately as he laid eyes upon Agravaine. His uncle closed the door behind him and looked around the room before addressing Merlin.

“Where is Arthur?” His uncle asked politely, but Merlin just sighed.

“I'm afraid I don't know.” (At least that wasn't a lie.)

There were a couple of seconds of uncomfortable silence, and Arthur swore he could cut the tension between them with his sword.

“I know you think that Arthur is your friend,” Agravaine finally broke the silence, “But he is a prince, a future king, and he cannot be seen taking advice from servants. I would advise you to hold your tongue and stick to cleaning his chambers.”

“Of course,” Merlin said, the fake respect back in his voice, “But you should know that I am very bad at doing what I am told.”

Agravaine took a couple of steps closer to Merlin, and Arthur found his protective instincts kicking in as he almost leaped out of his hiding spot to interfere with whatever was going on.

“Come on Merlin,” Agravaine pushed, almost intimidating Merlin (or at least he tried to, Merlin didn't waver in the slightest), “You can't possibly believe that you can advise Arthur better than someone like me.”

“Oh, I think anyone could advice Arthur better than you, my lord,” Merlin added the last part mockingly, “Morgana must really have hit rock bottom to allow someone like you to work for her. She used to be smarter than this.”

“Be careful with your accusations, boy,” Agravaine hissed, “You don't know what you're talking about.”

“Of course not, my lord,” Merlin bowed slightly, “I shall inform Arthur that you dropped by.”

Agravaine turned on his heel and slammed the door shut behind him. Merlin watched the door for a second, before casually turning back to Arthur's papers, which he began sorting through. Arthur could only watch his servant secretly as he went about his business as if nothing had ever happened – no, that wasn't true. Merlin was frustrated. Merlin was usually careful when handling paperwork, but he slammed documents on the table harder than necessary and his movements were more rapid than usual.

It had been perhaps ten minutes, when a certain piece of paper caught Merlin's attention. Arthur recognized it from his hiding place. It was a speech he had written only an hour ago about the new road he wanted to build. It was meant to sway the council and his father, since nothing else had seemed to work. Merlin read it through, and then sat down in Arthur chair and began writing all over the speech. Great. Now he had to start over.

Arthur was stuck watching – spying on – Merlin for almost an hour before the servant took his sword (presumably to clean and sharpen it) and left his chambers. Arthur silently slipped out of hiding and immediately looked at the speech Merlin had tampered with, only to find himself surprised by Merlin's work. Merlin had carefully corrected a few grammatical errors (errors Arthur had made entirely because he had been hungry), and added suggestions where he thought they were needed. At the bottom of the parchment, Merlin had added the suggestion to ask the citizens about the need for a new road in order for Arthur to prove its potential usefulness. It was a great suggestion that Arthur couldn't believe he had thought of himself, and he made sure to save the draft of his speech so that he may remember.

Arthur should have continued the paperwork or maybe even eaten the lunch Merlin had brought up for him, but once again his mind drifted to his servant and his uncle. At least now he knew that Merlin suspected Agravaine of working for Morgana, and logically Arthur knew he should be wary of such suspicions. Merlin had been right in the past and it would be wise to trust him, but the way the conversation had gone down made it seem like Merlin didn't have any evidence. It was almost like he had attempted to bait Agravaine into a confession as he had accused him of working for Morgana. And his uncle hadn't taken the bait, although his reaction was not what Arthur would have expected from him. And of course the effort Agravaine went through to try to stop Merlin's advice from getting to Arthur was quite suspicious in and of itself.

Arthur knew that he was putting it off, but it he felt conflicted about the whole situation. He was secretly hoping that Merlin would come up to him someday and give him the evidence he needed, but if there was no evidence to give, then what could Arthur do? Agravaine seemed to have his father's trust and without evidence, Arthur couldn't arrest him or tell his father that he suspected his uncle of treason based on the suspicions of his servant. It hadn't worked out for him in the past, and he doubt it would now. Especially as a family member was involved.

Tomorrow he would talk to Merlin, but today his mind needed some time to rest. Too much was going on.

Arthur didn't see Merlin that evening, his dinner brought up by some nameless servant and he went to bed trying not to worry about the people who could so easily kill him in his sleep.

Unfortunately, Arthur should have worried because he woke up to a stranger hovering above him, his eyes growing wide as Arthur stared back at him. He took hold of his dagger just as Arthur reached for his sword.

[borderlandscast]

guide to borderlandscast

i probably should have done this waaaayyy sooner but i finally completed a detailed guide as to what borderlandscast is, for those of you who are confused about what the borderlands games are, how this au operates and have no idea where to start reading.

quick links (some basic stuff):

glossary of common terms

detailed lore thread on telltale forums

keeping time on pandora

what is borderlands?

the borderlands series consists of four games (listed in chronological order below):

borderlands 1

the pre-sequel

borderlands 2

tales from the borderlands

borderlands is mostly a shooter (or at least, the first three games). no way getting around that. it’s not just any ordinary shooter. it’s a shooter backed by a solid story, characters (featuring a diverse and dynamic cast and an irredeemable asshole of a villain) and most importantly of all: lots of guns.

basic lore (pandora,vaults, vault hunters, eridians, sirens, oh my)

pandora is a backwater, lawless and surprisingly, not arid planet that the canon borderlands game and this au takes place on (figure 1 and 2). as with any planet housing alien technology and exploitable resources in super secret, difficult to reach and impenetrable locations, there will be people who are willing to hunt down said locations and there are people who are willing to pay said people to go track down these alien caches.

figure 1: pandora is the planet (far right) with the giant purple scar that is likely a result of the first known vault opening. the giant h-shaped space station (far left) is helios, hyperion’s floating base orbiting pandora’s moon. the moon is called elpis. this cap was taken on elpis’ surface.

figure 2: a shot taken on pandora’s surface to show the actual size of helios in relation to elpis. helios is always visible no matter where one goes on pandora.

these legendary caches are called vaults. vaults can hold weaponry, sweet loot, some sort of alien technology or portals to another dimension. the methods for opening a vault varies. some will open for anybody, some run on a timer while others have very specific requirements (like a key). the people who hunt these caches (whether for personal gain, fame, fortune or are simply in it for the challenge; the reasons vary widely from one individual to another) are called vault hunters. vault hunters don’t necessarily need to work for a corporation to seek the vaults.

the vaults have been around ever since an alien race (called eridians) upped and left or died out (long before humans became aware of their existence), leaving the vaults behind. we don’t know what eridians look like but their appearances can be extrapolated from the statues and carvings scattered around ruins (figure 3).

figure 3: an image of a vault site on pandora with statues that are presumably eridians.

additionally, eridians also left their mark throughout the universe in the form of human women with god-like powers. these women are called sirens. it’s not exactly known for certain if sirens can randomly develop these powers sometime in their life, are born with them or can have the powers deliberately passed to them from another siren.

sirens are clearly marked by the blue tattoos that only manifest on the left side of their bodies. the blueness isn’t always present since the tattoos can glow a different color when sirens use their powers. nanosounds, for instance, has purple siren tattoos due to the nature of her powers. to date, only thirteen documented accounts of sirens exist as per the bl1 guide (with more accounts possibly existing but lost to time). in bl2, handsome jack states that only six sirens can ever exist at any given time in the known universe.

the eridians also didn’t just leave behind the vaults and siren powers, they also left behind a mysterious metal, called eridium. eridium can be processed for a different number of applications and effects, not all of them good (e.g. slag). some sirens have a connection with eridium and can catalyse it to boost their powers at the cost of becoming addicted to the point of being unable to live without it. not a pleasant way to go. the effect on sirens varies amongst individual siren.

to get a one-up on other people hunting the vaults, some people like to hire or make use of sirens (or attempt to kill them). given their common tie to eridians, sirens also have a connection to the vaults. i mentioned before that some vaults can’t be opened by just anybody. sometimes, a siren is what’s needed.

the corporations

corporations form a major part of the borderlands universe. all the known corporations are vying to become the number one dominating force in the universe. corporations produce and control a number of goods but are known primarily for the manufacturer of guns, combat accessories and weaponry. no corporation will make a product that is completely identical to another corporation’s but they will license parts from one another. i’ve already listed the known corporations in the glossary over here under ‘manufacturers’.

in any case, the list consists of:

Hyperion

Atlas (dead)

Dahl

Maliwan

Tediore

Pangolin

Vladof

Jakobs

Anshin

for the history behind the first three corporation’s involvement with pandoran history and how they directly and indirectly contributed towards making pandora what it is today, head on over to here for a history lesson.

the bandits

the corporation dahl left behind a workforce that consists primarily of former convicts, otherwise known as bandits. bandits form a significant portion of the pandoran population and next to wildlife and the corporations, are the things likely to kill people on pandora. everybody generally hates bandits. bandits consist primarily of scattered clans that, at any given moment, can either be in an alliance, are neutral or are simply fighting one another if they’re not fighting amongst themselves.

99% of bandits will happily murder whole towns, civilians, vault hunters, corporate representatives (both innocent and not so innocent),  corporation property (e.g. loaders) or wildlife. they’re not exactly picky in terms of targets and tend to shoot indiscriminately. unless they’re bribed with huge amounts of money or tricked into doing so.

borderlandscast

now that you have a basic understanding of borderlands, what is even borderlandscast.

this au consists of myself (@terminally) and @siins fitting the yogscast members into the borderlands universe. it’s an alternate universe where the characters haven’t just magically been teleported into the universe; they’ve grown up in said universe! this has some interesting effects on their backgrounds, motivations, character arcs and personalities.

there’s no knowledge of minecraft, no yogslabs, no blackrock, no flux buddies held by any of the characters. it’s pure borderlands. i do make the occasional reference to some of the storylines though. good luck spotting those!

the cast page consists of people who’ve made at least one appearance; the cast page is mostly done for now, save for echo icons. all the echo icons will eventually be completed.

aside from that, borderlandscast primarily consists of writing done by me (adam), with drawings by the mighty overlord siins. the writing consists of a main storyline (called ‘the last vault hunter’) and a series of related, standalone fic (categorised as ‘beyond the borderlands’). i’ve explained the differences between the two over here.

the last vault hunter (main storyline)

‘the last vault hunter’ chronicles rythian’s adventures on pandora. the fic starts when lalna crashes into rythian’s life. rythian decides (against his better judgement) to help lalna. rythian is a vault hunter, freelancer and a veteran of living on pandora in comparison to lalna, who is completely new to pandora’s way of life.

nanosounds (a bona fide siren) and will strife (fashionable businessman with a turret and a surprising aptitude for killing things) eventually join forces with rythian and lalna. together, the four form the main group of vault hunters that we follow around for the duration of the main storyline.

there is plot! it heavily references the borderlands canons (e.g. vaults, corporations, guns). having a decent knowledge of the borderlands canon is extremely helpful but not required. i explain most of the stuff anyway, on top of providing my own take on things.

you can read ‘the last vault hunter’ on ao3 over here.

i also provide a brief summary of events happening in each chapter over here. it is mostly spoiler free. mostly.

all the art (done by @siins) can be viewed under the tag for each chapter. they’re also linked at the end of each chapter! the entire tag is here.

beyond the borderlands (side fic)

fic that fall under this category are character arcs that move to focus on other characters, covering alternate events, previous history or provide backstory;it’s pretty much optional but you get a bigger picture if you do choose to read this set of fic.

it’s not a series, contrary to what it is listed as on ao3 (which you can read over here). each complete fic has its own tag on the borderlandscast blog. you can navigate to them using this page.

links

most of these links are in the sidebar!

cast page (everybody who has made an appearance so far is listed or will be listed once they show up. ECHO icons are still very much a wip by the lovely @siins, but blank squares still link to profiles so just hover over them with your mouse cursor and click.)

timeline

tags

cast affiliations

all stories

art tag

memes

extras

zoeya’s almanac (will be updated sporadically but it has info on pandora’s wacky wildlife from zoeya’s perspective)

questions

throw it into the ask box! the ask box is always open. if your question doesn’t show up, try submitting it again because there is always the chance that tumblr ate it! unsure if something has been asked already? check the tag!

if you want to submit something cool, do it through here. memes are very much appreciated. you can also tag the blog!

conclusion

thank you for taking the time to read this all the way to the end. hopefully you are now less confused by borderlands and understand what borderlandscast is all about! and if not, you can always ask and we’re more than happy to try explaining!

[sunnysideupproject]

Under Pressure

A state I’m perpetually under. Also happens to be an iconic song by one of the greatest rock bands ever, Queen*.

This is a post about my good old friend, stress.

Everyone experiences it differently. Sure, we share our instigators e.g. peer pressure, family problems, deadlines....job applications...but ultimately, our coping mechanisms vary. 

My stress has always been infectious, like a disease. Often it begins with something substantial and somehow burrows it’s way deep into my psyche: attacking my self-esteem, self-worth and confidence. It even used to manifest itself on a physiological level - panic attacks in public areas and difficulties in breathing. Over the years though, I realised that I’m coping better. And it has to do with so much more than just ‘effective time management’. I’d like to share with you a little bit about my personal growth, and how I cope with stress :-)

I find refuge in the things I love

This sounds a bit silly but hear me out. Movies, books, music, places - these are my outlets and indulging in any of these is cathartic, really.

I spend a lot of time dawdling in bookstores: I always linger in the Waterstones bookstore right outside my university during free periods. I love browsing through the shelves, running my hands through the spines of new books and reading the summary of each one, adding worthy ones to my expanding TO-READ list in my Goodreads account. Fun fact: I worked in a bookstore briefly after my A-Level exams. Those were some good times.

I listen to the same songs on loop: After a stressful day, I plug my earphones in and blast my phone to SZA; She’s singing about hoppin’ through poppy fields and dodgin’ evil witches and suddenly my day is so much better. My mini study breaks usually involve me singing in front of the mirror to my playlist and shamelessly rocking out. 

I binge-watch/binge-read: Nothing tops the feeling of being so absorbed by the book you’re reading or the movie/series you’re watching until you spiral into the small universes built around them. My brain overanalyses things to the point of absurdity. That’s why certain songs, movies and books hold so much significance; like how Hogwarts has made an indefinite impact on how I perceive people, and my first impressions of them - I sort them into houses! 

I share my interests with the people around me: I am an avid fangirl. I overreact. I hype. And for the longest time, I feared that being overly excited about things has repelled people away from me. But this is not true. As I opened myself up, I’ve connected with so many people who have the same interests as I do and my life has been so much richer. 

I’ve learnt to stop taking myself so seriously and start having a bit of fun - this has become the biggest stress-relief ever. 

Put yourself out there; show your dedication to the things you love - whether it’s K-Pop, Renaissance Art, Anime, Basketball, Harry Styles, the LOTR series, experimenting with photography. Be a fan! Don’t let anyone put you down for being extra. You deserve to enjoy things wholeheartedly.

I take care of myself 

“I’m dying a slow and painful death” - was the only thought running in my head during my first facial back in 2011, as tears streamed silently down my face. Back in KL, my mom drags me to a facial every now and then. In the UK however, this is a luxury I can’t afford. 

So I do facial masks twice a week: a clay mask (as seen above) to yank out all the gunk from my pores, followed by a nourishing one to hydrate my skin. I also do a basic skincare routine every morning and evening and I try to be diligent about it. The emphasis here is on try. (Serena and I were thinking about interviewing each other on our respective skincare routines! WIP). There’s something extremely therapeutic about tending to your skin and the aftermath of it is just so liberating. Towards the exam season, you’ll probably catch me walking around either looking like Casper the friendly ghost (sheet masks galore!) or a creature with white polka dots on its face (pimple cream).

Self-care for me also means exercising. Yoga has been such a gentle stress relief for me and it is truly something I’d love to master one day. Still bummed that I can’t do a headstand. Also sweating it out at the gym for a bit gets the oxygen flowing to my brain, which really does help kick the focus back in. 

I also like cooking to destress (shocking? I know!) - there’s something about the monotony of chopping vegetables and following a set of instructions that keep me at peace. Not too keen on the occasional burnt piece of chicken though.

I know this is easier said than done but take some time out of the day to reenergise. Studying periods can get so intense. I know what it’s like to be cooped up in your chair for too long. Stand up and stretch a little! Grab a bevy/fruit from the fridge. Rest your eyes. Most importantly, take care and don’t over-exert. The body has its limits and it most certainly needs to be recharged.

I rely A LOT on my support system

In of the lowest points of my life, I became extremely defensive and lashed out at all the people who cared about me. This defensiveness, this trait that turns me into a monster is very much embedded in my DNA today. I’m still working on it. And man did I try to rationalise back then; I had an array of unresolved childhood issues to blame and I constantly nitpicked the individual faults of each ‘aggressor’ - the friends and family who tried to help me.

I convinced myself that the angst I felt was the sole product of circumstance. And of course I was innocent. The mental gymnastics that I tried so hard to perfect only sabotaged me further. I was a deeply unhappy, confused and angry person for the longest time. 

Nothing could ever justify my toxicity. It took so much hurting and destruction to realise this. The people in my life who love me unconditionally, have seen me through those times. And they’re still here. I’ve opened myself up to letting people in; people who make me feel safe. I’ve let my support system grow. And I’m embracing the positivity from all our interactions. 

Somedays I send long, messy texts detailing everything that’s wrong with my day. My friends would draw parallels between our lives and I don’t feel so alone. Somedays it is I who read their long, messy texts and draw my parallels. Often it’s jokes, memes or banter about our favourite shows. Somedays we catch up over some good food or an average movie. Here in the UK, it’s walking in parks, ogling at all the dogs as we stroll. My dad sending me a never-ending stream of family pictures. Overstretched FaceTime sessions with my grandparents; them jostling over who’s the better cook as I roll over with laughter. Anna’s (our family dog) clueless face peering at me over the screen during our sessions.

Somedays I just want to hear my mother’s voice.

If you’re going through a shitty time in your life, please don’t bottle things up. Suppressing your feelings is a dangerous thing. I know that you seem weary of the people around you. Suspicious even. Why do they care? What do they know? You probably feel like you need all the space in the world. They’re probably breathing down your necks right now. 

Opening up is so scary - but do it slowly. Find someone you trust and who will listen. They don’t always have to be family. Often they are friends. Keep them close. You don’t need to surround yourself with an arsenal of friends. Two or three good ones are enough.

Talk. 

Your support system doesn’t always have to serve a purpose; they can’t possibly solve all your problems. They’re here to give you all the love you need. And trust me, you’ll need a lot of it. Gradually, you’ll learn to reciprocate. Promise.

And if you can’t seem to find the support you need, I’m here for you. We may not know each other well, but I have my arms wide open. I’ll listen.

*Under Pressure by Queen* - One of my favs!

[tallykale]

oh my gosh. ohhhmy gosh i just visited ur blog from ur old fiddauthor fics that i was absolutely OBSESSED WITH (like, i was the person who planned out a time to read them) and now i come to your blog in th firet time in like a year and you like be more chill and boyf riends which is, my current special interest, (which was previously fiddauthor) and im honestly SO happy that my favorite fic author of all time likes bmc now!! like umm thanks for makin me happy over and over again youre the best!!

jghdfg this got longer than i expected so i’m putting it under a cut oops

hey first of all can i just say??? HI!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!! I REMEMBER YOU!!!! every so often i read through some of the nicer fic comments i’ve gotten and yours absolutely stood out to me because it’s so cool to hear that someone actively Plans Out reading something that ive created?? wow!!!

and secondly, thank you!! again!!! so much!!!!! this is the nicest pair of messages i’ve ever seen omg the fact that you remember my old stuff (and btw many many many apologies for leaving that one fic eternally unfinished, the wip for chapter 3 is gathering dust in my google docs and i do keep trying to finish it but i think i’ve just lost the spark for gfalls entirely u__u ) and that i’m apparently?? your favourite fic author of all time??? and then you go on to compliment my art (which is, frankly, what i live for) SO UMMM THANK YOU???

and finally: well! you know what! i have, like, three and a half bmc fics in varying states of completion/quality sitting around in my gdocs, and i’ve honestly kind of been losing steam for them (as well as bmc in general but that’s my own fault for getting into a new interest LMAO) but this message honestly spurred me to open one of them up and start working on it again for the first time in like... over a month... so if i do end up finishing/posting any of them, then you can be pretty sure that it’s thanks to your encouragement. i know we say it a lot but kind and encouraging words honestly mean so so much to writers, so these messages are truly like... the best thing i could have seen... thank you SO much i guarantee i’ll be thinking about this for uhhh a while now!! 

thank you!!!

[rockscanfly]

and this is the wonder thats keeping the stars apart (i carry your heart)

Like all Atlanteans, Kaldur was born with his heart outside of his chest.

(Monster AU where Kaldur's immortal as long as his heart stays frozen. Which is fine--all he has to do is never fall in love. But then he meets Roy, an escaped simulacron trying to find a way to become A Real Boy (TM), and things go downhill from there)

Read here or under the read more

Like all Atlanteans, Kaldur was born with his heart outside of his chest.

It formed in the hollow space above his mother’s ribs while he grew within her womb. In the cold waters of winter he was born, squirming and blind-eyed in the depths of the ocean. After swaddling him in seaweed so he would not float adrift on the current, she coughed his heart up.

It was a grisly and painful process, like all births. Atlanteans' hearts begin encased in magical ice. It tore at her throat, dropping cold and bloody from her mouth into her waiting hands. She secreted it away, keeping it safe for him until he was twelve and enlisted into the Atlantean Expeditionary Corps, as is tradition.

The day he left she gifted him with a string of pearls, a knife of obsidian with a whale bone handle, and the mother-of-pearl inlaid box that held his heart, as is tradition.

Kaldur’ahm of Shayeris swam to Atlantis to begin his service to the sea king. On his way he hunted out a small cave, deep in the ocean’s depths and far from prying eyes of other Atlanteans. He encountered an eel, enormous and lightning quick, with dagger teeth and sinuous strength that threatened to choke the life from him as it wrapped around his torso. He succeeded in killing it, barely. Then he cut the teeth from it's mouth and buried his heart in its cave, setting the teeth at the entrance to guard it from intruders, as is tradition.

Years later Kaldur’ahm of Shayeris would feel a stabbing sensation in his chest when he looked at his friend Tula of Poseidonis, who had hair like bright coral and eyes like the shallows and a temper that could boil the seas. It was his heart, which had thawed for the first time.

He was in love, and if Tula did not accept ownership of his heart he would die.

Atlanteans as a rule are known throughout the Realms for being long lived and powerful. All Atlanteans have a natural talent for sorcery, which they develop to varying degrees. They are resistant to physical damage, due to their dense skin and bones. They have enhanced strength and can live in and out of the water, though they are weak to heat and dehydration.

They seem, at times, immortal.

It's often said from Atlantean mothers to their children that love will be their greatest weakness and greatest strength. On the Surface, amongst people of other kinds, this would be sentimental poetry. It Atlantis it is a simple statement of the truth.

An Atlantean’s first duty as they come of age is to hide their heart so they cannot be destroyed by accident or their enemies. As long as their heart stays frozen and secure, they cannot be killed and will eventually heal from all injuries, no matter how grievous.

But it must be stated that Atlanteans are not, in fact, immortal.

When an Atlantean falls in love, the ice melts and they become vulnerable. The only way for their heart to continue beating is if the Atlantean places it in the care of the one they have fallen in love with.

If that person refuses to care for their heart, the heart will cease beating, and the Atlantean will die.

If that person fails to protect the heart and it is destroyed, the Atlantean will die.

If that person dies, the heart will stop beating, and the Atlantean will die.

If the Atlantean falls out of love, the heart will again become encased in ice. It will no longer require the presence of the former love. But a frozen heart is still vulnerable to damage, and scorned lovers are not known for their mercy or kindness. There have been many cases in the past of Atlanteans being enslaved by those who they once loved and who refused to return ownership of their heart. There have even been tales, whispered in the courts and the dorms of the Academy and the nurseries of children, of mortals tricking Atlanteans into loving them and giving them their hearts so they could enslave them.

For this reason, many assume that Atlanteans would be solitary people. After all, who would risk death and enslavement for the sake of something as fleeting as love?

However, there is a downside to living with a frozen heart. It is only when the heart is alive and beating that an Atlantean has access to their magic. With frozen hearts they are impotent but unkillable, with beating ones they are vulnerable but extremely powerful.

That, and, as any Atlantean who has been lucky in love will tell you, it would be a terrible thing to live forever but to live alone.

Kaldur fell in love with Tula right as their service in the Expeditionary Corps was coming to an end. The night he first felt his heart beat in his chest he became convinced they were destined--if Tula fell for him as well, they would be able to attend the Academy together and begin the work of mastering sorcery.

He painted a brilliant picture for himself of their lives together--it was the dream of every young Atlantean; to fall in love young and be powerful and immortal and never, ever alone again.

The dream was crushed, however, when Kaldur went in the night to Tula’s barrack’s room to tell her the wonderful news. He found Tula and their best friend Garth hand in hand. They had already fallen for one another, they explained, and were going to retrieve their hearts to gift to one another at moonrise.

Stiffly, Kaldur was forced to admit to them both his feelings for Tula. Because she was kind and loved her friend, Tula agreed to hold Kaldur’s heart and protect it, though she had not fallen for him as he had for her.

It would be a relief to all when Kaldur’s feeling faded years later, and she was able to return it to him.

With his heart again frozen, Kaldur was no longer able to progress in the Academy. He felt no bitterness for this, however. It had been three years, and he had had his good fill of learning. It would hurt to leave Garth and Tula’s side, for he loved them still as all people love their closest friends, but the return of his heart had opened a door he had long been eyeing.

His heart again frozen and hidden away, the surface that had beckoned Kaldur’ahm for all his life held no more danger to him. He had already had and lost his love--he knew he would never love another the way he had loved Tula, and therefore that there was no risk a mortal could entrap him.

It was to his chagrin and, he was convinced, the gods’ amusement that a mere three months after arriving on the surface he would meet a not-quite-man named Roy Harper. 

Roy Harper, who had hair like bright coral and eyes like the shallows and a temper that could boil the seas.

AN: Yeah I know I have too many WIPs to be starting another story. But, hey--maybe this one will finally help me break out of my two month funk. 

If you want any more details about Atlanteans in this AU, or any about this story as it progresses, feel free to drop into my askbox. I’m going to try to keep this one short and to the plot, but the au itself is growing like bunnies in a box

[stillebesat]

Stille’s State of Writing

Otherwise known as: I give you an update on what I plan to work on this year...kinda. ^^;; 

I’ve been debating about writing this up for hours now.

As I really think it’s only fair to give everyone an update on my writing and differing projects that I’m working on currently, since it’s the New Year and all.

But like...I’m seriously the most flighty person I know when it comes to writing. ^^;;

I switch between projects so quickly that I like to play it pretty close to the chest as to what I’m actually working on at any time because really...I could be working on the same story for like a week straight….or in a week start and not finish 12 different ideas because I get stuck. And the slightest feeling of pressure for any particular project can well...be stressful. (so why am I writing this? I have no idea, it seemed like fun and I do things for fun.)

Though a great way to bypass my need to keep projects secret is to ask me about them. Soo dearest readers, if you ever have questions about fics, potential sequels, or what I have in progress that day. You’re totally free to do so. I will answer asks directed towards me on nearly anything. :) ^^;;

Also, just so you know….I am currently writing this up because I’m procrastinating working on any of my various writing projects.

But hey...maybe if I get this out of my system I’ll be able to focus. XD (one can hope. lol)

So here it goes. :) 

First off I have to preface this by stating that 2017 was an amazing year for me.

Why?

Because I actually wrote and finished stories guys.

2017 was my first year of actually finishing a story.

And it wasn’t just A story. It was multiple different fics!

Do you know how long I’ve been telling people that I’m “writing” without actually finishing anything? Far. Too. Long.

So the fact that I wrote and finished TEN fics of varying lengths last year? Oh man, I’m like totally over the moon about it!

Am I planning to keep on writing fics for 2018?

OF COURSE! I’m soo beyond excited about this that I have notebooks upon notebooks of fic ideas that are just begging to be spilled out onto the page. (I am not exaggerating) and more come to me everyday because I am often inspired not only by content I see on Tumblr, but other places as well.

And this is why I’m hesitant to give any updates or progress reports on fics because really….I get distracted so easily. I’ve worked on like six different fics in the last week alone and what happened?  I got inspiration for A Sweet Discovery in the middle of the night and ended up writing that instead of finishing any of the others first. ^^;; lol. Oops. ^^;;

So. First off. My First Fandom I wrote for:

Detective Conan/Magic Kaito (DCMK)

I’ve only posted a couple of stories here.

But I seriously have 5 notebooks brimming with ideas and a dozen WIPs on my laptop currently.

I do plan to return to writing here.

It’s been on my to-do list for a long while. ...I just keep getting distracted by the Sanders Sides….^^;;  But a goal of 2018 is to better balance out writing between the two.

*fingers crossed*

For those curious; I do plan to have a sequel to In the Rubble written.

Whether it will be the next thing I post in DCMK is yet to be determined. I may end up writing and posting a different DCMK story first and then turning my attention to the sequel. :) But never fear! I will get it written!!! And I really hope it won’t be too much longer of a long wait before I do. :S

As to other DCMK works in progress….there are so many. So very many. They’re a variety of genres/topics/main character focuses. So really….I just need to find one that ‘sparks’ for me and buckle down, write it, and post it. ^^;;

As for the Sanders Sides.

Ah. So many ideas as well.

I have like four fics that are sooo close to being finished that I’m practically a foot away from the finish line. (but here I am writing this instead of those...go me! ^^;; )

These fics too cover a variety of different subjects. Like I have Winged!Sides, Tiny!Sides, and a couple HumanAUs currently in the works.

Do I plan to write sequels for any of the SS fics I’ve already posted?

Yes.

I’m definitely planning to returning to the world of Deep Heart. :) After all, Patton and Logan still need a chance to work things out between them. :)  

Courage, Braveheart will also see a sequel added to its world as well. :)  

My hope currently is to finish at least three of my current SS WIPs before I turn my attention to either one though. (and figure out if I’ll return to DCMK around here as well.)

*fingers crossed* that a sequel to either one happens sooner rather than later, but more than likely I will get distracted. I’ve already been distracted multiple times now. ^^;; :S

And yah….

I can’t guarantee any sort of posting schedule with the fics I write, but I do intend to keep posting. :) Hopefully the wait between each story isn’t too long. But we’ll just have to see what 2018 brings.

^^;; And if you’ve reached the bottom of this.

I just want to say Thanks for Reading! It’s really been nice to get this out and just let you know what’s going on. :)

And again, if you have any questions, I really don’t mind answering them. :) Ask away!!

Until the next fic is posted;

Have a wonderful day!

-Stille