#yay for being random
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me, yesterday : im not gonna watch the new life series, it's not really my thing...
me now, seeing everyone's reactions : oh who am i kidding--
#i know im gonna drop it after three episodes but it's just too fun being in the community when it's happening...#plus. i mean. a reason to make random designs yay?#i haven't watched anything yet bc im at work but i've seen the thumbnails and damn... intriguing......#yagotalk
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face
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#carmen lobcorp#i suppose what drove me to finish and make this in the first place was the fact i just got a random swing that made me not so stable#whichm YEAH im not anyways bht significantly less so. body and the rest of my body wasnt functioning. like multiple fucked up inputs#inside onem who the HELL is pilotingbthis thing. didnt feel like me buddy. anyways.#the second one was that lingering feeling i had when first learning about carmen. faceless and at first silhouette and blurry of a memory#even in the cutscene her eyes had been not There. fragmented memories putting back together the image of what Went Wong and then of the#memory of a woman so dearly beloved and etched intk the history of this very place. then it further spun into the thougjt of#what can be remembered? how faithfully? how much of Her could be remembered? how much of her love and what she looked like and liked hersel#had been turned into just gapping wounds to even recall. when the sun and outside of the surface brings forth pain and anger and grief is s#soaking into the very being of the place how much would tha grief and self hate and mourning go ahead and twist and distort memories to#bring up upon? in reality likely not much but the idea was interesting all the same. mix that with the general unwell state and said own#inability to remember faces and we got this. yay heart emoji#uhh purple because blue and red makes purple. also it just looks nice . was going to make it the very obvious green but. purple.
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okay I'm getting my life back on track after my family visit. I went to the grocery store and did some meal prep to feed the neverending cycle of keeping-myself-alive tasks. I honestly don't know how people manage this for an entire family, I can barely administrate my household of one person.
#it's like#i want something tasty but also healthy but also not too labor intensive and not too stupidly expensive#why is being a person so hard#anyway i have stuff in my slow cooker now yay#random text post silliness#food mention
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being excluded and then seeing the photos truly feels like the coldest of showers followed by a damn pit in the stomach
#fomo#Why the fuck is my body and mind being so dramatic#Like bitch take a break#No matter how hard I try I can’t be nonchalant about it#Hurts like hell#Feels so stupid for feeling that way too#Being left out#Yay#random thoughts
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"wdym you don't know him he's your 'aunts' son" I have literally never met or heard of this guy in my life and I only see the 'aunt' once a year
Like I haven't even met him as a kid this is just a random adult man I do not know
#random#we haven't even gone out to dinner yet and mum has already called me rude#bc the second i walked into the house i had 5 different people talking to me#and i got hugged by like three people so i got overstimulated even faster than i thought i would#and i panicked and went to my room to calm down but my grandad followed me bc he wanted to ask me more questions#but i got to sit alone for like 5 minutes before my mum came in and told me i cant be rude and i need to try to be nice today#but her opinion of being rude is just me ignoring all my boundaries/discomfort/anxiety so I'm going to get yelled at#and like i said we haven't even gone out yet so theres a pretty high chance im going to start crying in front of my entire family#and that'll make me even more overstimulated so fucking yay#vent post#in the tags mostly#sorry for the rant
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2024 reads / storygraph
So Witches We Became
YA horror
a girl and her friends go on vacation to a house on a private Florida island, but when a strange mist and toxic tar surrounds them, trapping them there, they have to find a way to survive and/or escape
while she’s being haunted by a traumatic experience with her friend’s boyfriend - who just showed up - that she’s been unable to tell anyone about, and by a shadow from her childhood that she fears might have something to do with what’s happening
sapphic, explores complicated friendships, and surviving assault
#So Witches We Became#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#Ooh yeah I thought this was good!#the first half especially was super atmospheric and had some Very creepy horror moments.#I do wonder if it would have been better if the witchy stuff was a bit more ambiguous and just its own unique paranormal thing-#if it weren’t for the title I feel like it would have felt especially random. As it is; it felt a little basic; comparatively? idk.#(I did wonder for most of the book what witches had to do with anything).#A few aspects felt a little heavy handed & I wonder if they could have been handled with more subtlety? But maybe the directness is needed.#I kinda wish there was a bit more with Nell and Harper’s relationship over the weekend#obviously the build up of tension is the point but I wish we’d seen some of the positives of their friendship#not just the flashbacks to when they were kids; because it felt like such a sudden shift from resentment to friends again at the end#I just didn’t really have any empathy for harper for most of it especially with Gavin being SO blatantly and unsubtley horrible#(though I guess Nell’s POV was biased toward showing that for obvious reasons)#but those are two specific things - broadly speaking I enjoyed it a lot!#Yay for some love for zines! though “blogs/tumblr and the like had made them all but obsolete’ false!!!!! zinefests still go hard!!#sapphic books#ya horror
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from the workshop on grief, taught by a middle-aged trans man.
You see a dead flower, so, the absence of womanhood, of beauty, an ending – And this is what I see: the vibrant purple hue. What you see is a collection of missed opportunities, a culmination of what could have been. But here’s what I see – a creation. This is a sculpture of all the parts that were not loved, found dormant on the path to Somewhere Else. See what I’ve done with them. See the beauty I’ve made with all these deadened pieces.
#divina#poetry#poets of tumblr#I'm having so much fun with my Grief you guys with my grief#okay basically the professor picked up a bunch of trash and plant debris and stuff on his walk to campus and told us to build a sculpture#using several random pieces in a representation of our grief#yay#this one is a manifestation of leaving behind being a girl and it was mostly directed at my family
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am I overreacting yes or no QUICKLY
#the thing is im not reacting in any way on purpose so like#is it even me overreacting or is it the evil troll in my head#plus i think this is a perfectly adequate reaction to literally everything in my life going to shit at once yay✨️#actually i havent engaged in any substance abuse or self harm or homicide so i think. if anything. im underreacting#anyway fuck everything and everyone bla bla bla my life will never be the same nl#bla bla bla im forever ruined BORING#where is the part where i burn down my childhood home ? where is the drama the action etc etc#im tired of the fucking endless crying and self pity like eeeeeew#i wanna go back to turing the pain into really weird and fucked up writing#not crying until i get wrinkles#i know i posted all that shit abt being at peace with your aging but apparently I LIED#bc this stress has made me have so many new random wrinkles and i HATE them and i hate feeling ugly on top of feeling like shit#im gonna go sniff some botox until i look 4 months younger <3#tw
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(´・ᴗ・ ` )
#Alright lil blog update. Running the reblogs queue again tonight (yay!). Been procrastinating it for like? four months now?#I'm not going to fix the order anymore in a crazy pattern that only I can see. And like the point as always been#“it's only for myself‚ because I like seeing the posts all ordinately lined up ☺️”. But it does start being a problem when.#It actually blocks me from reblogging alltogether. Or makes me end up with 978 posts in the queue and 15584 in the drafts#(lol) (yeah)#Anyways had to write it down publicly because last time I said “screw it I'm not going to post in order anymore”#I lasted exactly one (1) day#Mmmmmmmmhhhhhhhh#I need to make space in the queue so I've set 20 posts in the night / morning for the time being.#Probably going to tag less because again. the posts are piling up. Sorry everyone#So like... After this string of disappointing (and possibly irrelevant?) updates. Feel free to unfollow me etc. etc.#(Mututals included? I really hold no bad feeling I know I post a lot. I don't care about mutualism if we're friends we're friends)#Have a nice day / night!!!#random rambles#Btw for anyone wondering my previous queue lineup was 4 fanarts / 2 other category posts / 4 fanarts / 2 other category posts etc.#(other category could be like. gifsets together. analysis together. textposts of approximately the same length together etc. )#And fanarts had to be coherent between each other for characters / composition / oftentimes color palette#Anyways. Winning over ocd today 💪💪#(I say as I didn't pick this month specifically because the second half of the year starts together with it. Anyways)#ManBreakingChainsMeme.png#Edit: Just remembered this all started because I accidentally hit shuffle queue two or three weeks ago#When it happened I had a mental breakdown and cried for two hours but looking back. Maybe it was really godsent
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thinking about how peter krause should've pulled a mark hamill's post-sw:tlj 'i'm insulted" move in press openly at having been forced to have bobby call th*mas "good people" after having called him one of the bad apples in the past. full on "you want bobby to say WHAT tim do you even know the LORE" moment. i deserved that
#in my mind peter krause cried a little about how not in character it was#this annoys me almost as much as hen and chim being forced to act as if they've forgiven tommy too. ALMOST because this will always remain#THE biggest offence. hen and chim should get to kill tommy on screen with their bare hands <3#911#chose to be a hater today �� yay!#on a more serious note this is another example of this show's frustrating Telling Not Showing tendency#tommy has been retconned because we say so! we forgive shitty parents because we say so! natalia 'sees' buck after one random meeting#because we say so!#no how about you guys (writers) EARN this for once.
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Warrior cats but everything's the same except they're anthromorphic animals and have guns now
#erin hunter warriors#warriors#warrior cats#sumarmz waffles#OAKHEART SUNNINGROCKS BELONGS TO THUNDERCLA- *is shot by a machine gun*#AAAA ITS SHARPTOOTH RUN- *a group of 6 random cats shoot him instsntly* oh#Mapleleaf you need to leave the clan- NOT ON MY WATCH SUCKA *oakstar or whatever his name was is murdered and mapleleaf is leader yay*#Rusty: Gee im going to go hunt in the woods this will have no consequences at all- *gets headshotted by greypaw*#lionheart: goshdarnit greypaw stop shooting everything you see#Sol: BOW DOWN TO ME CLANS I CONTROL THE SUN- *random apprentice sniper shots him*#these are so fun to think of i love it#*cats are being kidnapped by twolegs* some random clan cat with AK 47: WHATS UP FUCKAS TASTE MY BULLETS#all humans die#police go and investigate#they find dozens of anthromorphic cats#they are killed#the forest is never touched again#they stay in the forest territories#Dogs: PACK PACK KILL KILL#Swiftpaw: DIE FUCKAS *all dogs are killed by s singular 6 month old cat*#swiftpaw becomes a warrior instantly#brightheart keeps her face#Tigerclawstar: I KILLED REDTAIL- *kit who stole their dads gun shoots him*#Scourge: *about to rip out all of Tigerstars organs*#TIgerstar: NOT ON MY WATCH FUCKFACE *scourge is killed by dozens of bullets*
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One of my favorite things is when a character, who was not a help whatsoever with was just accomplished, declares something along the lines of "I did it!" or "All thanks to me!"
#writeblr#sometimes happens in like jrpgs#you know when some games have a random character have a “yay we did it” line at the end of a battle#and it sometimes ends up being a character who did nothing / died / did something but it was fully pathetic / etc#also just funny when a character does it on purpose to show off that they have a big ego
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pissed me off so bad that a guy i went to primary school with liked my stories on instagram yesterday that i deleted him from my followers list and set my profile to private
#i need to look at that list again and delete even more random accounts#also now that it's private this one person who's been lurking on my profile without following me will stop being able to do so. yay#anyway i've added some photos of my crochet projects from this year so i can see how many things i make this year
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i've been playing through the leaked N64 prototype build of Dinosaur Planet (that rareware game that got turned into Starfox Adventures on the gamecube later) over the past couple nights and i gotta say... i think people gave the gibberish alien voice acting in Adventure a bit more hate than it deserved? like don't get me wrong, it WAS hilariously awkward and impossible to take seriously, but i'd take that shit ANY day over having to listen to... a handful of british people doing the most inscrutable attempts at racist accents i've maybe EVER heard in a video game??? like holy FUCK it's bad y'all. in fact the entire chunk of the game in Swapstone Circle is pretty much fully unsalvageable. the music, the iconography, the way the NPCs talk and are dressed, the literal most basic tropes of the storyline itself in that area... good grief, it's no wonder that entire chunk of the game was cut from the final product. absolutely wild that anyone at Rare thought that shit was okay to include, even 20+ years ago
#buny text#dinosaur planet#the game itself IS like. incredibly impressive for an N64 title#even in its incomplete and janky state#and i AM having fun for the most part (when it's not crashing/softlocking/etc)#but i am also very glad to be done with that area#i was like 'oh boy i get to play as krystal again yay'#and then i saw the totem poles and went 'uh oh'#and then i got close to one and the dynamic music changed to a shitty sampled chant and i was like 'OH NO'#and THEN i came back from cape claw and met the lightfoots and it was like i was being hit with a sledgehammer repeatedly for 20 minutes#turns out some things left on the cutting room floor are there for a reason#rare made some of the best games of that entire decade but it sadly still couldn't save them from being painfully british game devs#with everything that entailed in the late 90s (random bursts of casual bigotry inserted for humor)#sorry these tags got away from me. hello. i hope your day is going well
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doing a school project while listening to music, and this happened:
*Chiquitita by ABBA is playing*
"Chiquitita, you and I cryyy~"
Me: Oh you're also doing programming homework?
My dad who overheard: *dies of laughter*
#just random stuff cuz why not#no but seriously#I hate java#i hate this#why did I pick programming as a school subject#anyways it's a group project so no slacking off#we're programming a game yay#with that being said#I hope you have a good day
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So seriously: if you have a serious recoil/disgust factor at uncommonly eaten parts of an animal being in any kind of food context (eg: whole fish being served at a table) and you want to work on minimizing that reaction, I really really recommend eating "normal" versions of those unusual foods, like for example deli-sliced tongue. I know I'm talking out of my ass here, but things like liver and haggis (organ meat), tongue (tongue), and probably a whole lot of others I've never had can be pretty easily made into forms that taste real good and don't look much like a weird lump of flesh you can recognize, and being able to get from "that's weird and gross but I want to get it" to "that's weird but it tastes really good and I want to get it" will probably make building up momentum easier when you move on to less "common" pastures.
Good luck, by the way. I believe in you.
#red rambles#i'm doing this with bugs for the record im not like JUST talking out my ass. I have a full on phobia of dead bugs#I can and have eaten live bugs! I've eaten and really enjoyed cricket-flour chips! I'm working my way up to "whole preserved scorpion in#chocolate'' type desserts but I haven't gotten there yet#so I know for a fact that there's a kind of person who has this sort of instinctive repulsion and also really really REALLY wants to get#over it. and also i didn't even realize this was a thing because i grew up with whitefish and tongue and so on#anyway im not sure if people like. KNOW that you can get like... liver *spread* or prepared tongue or brain or w/e#being able to go 'oh that is actually delicious' is a big thing or at least it is for me! it's very motivating!#you're the only one who is going to really 'push' you on these things- god knows my immediate family and friends mostly wants me to#STOP trying to eat bugs LMFAO (this is due to my behaviors but also like my dad told me I was not to keep cricket snacks in the house)#(so it's a bit of both but mostly because i cannot be trusted not to just eat a random ant because they are delicious these days)#but like at least in my experience the second you step out of the 'culturally normative' fold people stop being like 'yay stop being picky!#and start going 'no stop go back to being picky' so it's really really important to find your own motivators and not rely on other people
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