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jaegrfilms · 4 months

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Hurts Like Hell — Chapter One: The first day of the rest of your life.

Summary: A 2,000-year-old story went out like an ember. A path taken by war and carnage condemned to oblivion by human ignorance. Now, Wall Maria has fallen and among thousands of people who lost everything they had, and among them, someone abandoned by fate. A girl who believed that there was something more outside the great walls that she spent her life surrounding everyone, and believes that, one step at a time, she will find what she spent her entire life wanting to see. But that was taken from her. The world has left the bitter taste of reality in a dreamer and now everything about who she is is dead and gone.

And now she knows that the enemies have always been there, waiting to pounce on their prey. But deep down she is still a naive child who believes in the future. She vows to take back what was taken from her. You just don't want to gain more than you already had, including the presence of Eren Yeager in your life, where everything starts to take a turn and make sense. So, even if the world hurts too much, what doesn't bring you down makes you stronger. And even though the enemies are still closer than she expected, she trusts her companions.

A/N: hi to you who gave HURTS LIKE HELL a chance! This chapter is very long, it has more than 4 thousand words and I tried to do everything I could to make it not a tiring read. Warning that this chapter has descriptions of panic and anxiety attacks. So, read carefully. Hope you like it <3

Art by @gem1ny on twitter

"Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell on this earth forevermoreaid I walk beside the still waters and they restore my soul but I can't walk on the path of the right because I'm wrong."

Once, a girl born without a name, faithfully believed that she would reach the end of the world. It was naive; they told her. It was so innocent to the point that the truth could leave a bitter taste. There was no world outside the walls; she had heard all her life, at least not one in which humanity could prevail. It was a promised land that had been tainted with a history condemned to oblivion and extinguished like an ember.

What was hidden out there had not been made for humans, so 100 years of pure ignorance and a false peace, which walked a line so thin that it could break at any moment, had been the best option. However, she may not have taken her steps to the end of the world, but he came to meet her.

Everything about who she was is dead and buried, but solid in memory like a tomb. And she remembers everything.

✧ ✦ ✧

Spring 842: Wall Maria, Shiganshina.

Shiganshina is small and dull; At least, that's the impression given. When the great gates open and a vessel glides through the water, its calm current lapping against its hull, a girl takes firm steps across the wood. She holds her breath, as if she could make everything stop, as if the disorienting sensation that sets in and leaves her radiating could disappear the moment she closes her eyelids. Her small fingers that gripped the blue-green hat that rested on its black strands, fearing that it would get lost in the wind current.

The vessel engages with everything in the small port, meaning that the inertia of its balanced feet prevents it from taking forward momentum. The hustle starts in the blink of an eye; people come and go and the girl just concentrates on the movement that their arrival causes. Your village is too small by comparison; people are tiny, with tiny ideals rooted in shallow dreams. Now, this is a new world, and these are new people, and now, what one feels is a false sense of freedom as he leaves his old world behind.

“Tori” A familiar voice that pulls you into reality, making the physical environment around you aware again. When she turns around, she is a woman with white strands that blend into the black, which stand out next to her grayish irises. Verena Fehrmann's fingers fit around the small wrist of Astoria Fehrmann, her niece. "Let's go down. The trip was long."

It is squeezing through the movement of the crowd that Tori feels like she is on solid ground and relief comes over her.

“I hate boats.” The girl murmurs, head down and with the shadow of her hat hiding the intense blue that fills her eyes. “They make me sick and… they could sink at any moment."

“Honey, feel happy. When you are afraid of something and it still happens, that is called courage.”

“Tell that to the military police soldier I almost threw up on…” Tori muttered to herself, while Verene let out a sincere laugh at her niece's honest reaction.

They walked side by side in the middle of that place; a labyrinth filled with people. Tori observed the strangers who passed over her detail by detail, noticed amidst the sea of strangers, unfamiliar clothes, customs and words. It was as if one day she had closed her eyes and been overcome by sleep, sinking into the longest dream possible. In fact, if she had to put it into words, there would be no way she could express what she will feel upon seeing a world that has been hidden for so long.

Slowly, she approached the next place she would call home. Wooden columns that rise and cover stone bricks, curved tiles and a chimney that rises to a height, windows that would later be opened by the presence of life in the house that will allow the fresh spring air to enter. Small, but bigger than the house he resided in at the beginning of his tiny village in Wismar, making it cozy and surprising enough for Tori to hold her breath as she tried to process.

“We’re here.” Verena stopped when she stood in front of the structure, looking down and seeing an innocent little girl, fascinated by the new and condemning the old to oblivion. “This is our new home.”

"This is much bigger than our backyard in Wismar.” Tori continues analyzing detail by detail, line by line and crack by crack. With her chin up and her eyes following, she doesn't notice when the hat slides from the top of her head to the floor.

“Hey… Excuse me…” A voice that has never been heard by Tori appears from behind, which arouses her curiosity and makes her immediately turn back. And then, the blue of the girl's curious gaze meets a repressed green.

He must be her age; He wears simple clothes, standing out with the red scarf that wraps around his neck. The hair is brown, messy and shiny. But what draws attention is the intense green color in her irises, a green she has never seen in her life, but she can assume it is close to the tone described in rare jewels of stories preserved in books. Momentarily, it seemed unreal. Until she noticed the white hat that is held by the stranger's hands.

“You dropped it.” He refers to the hat and the fact that the girl's gaze drops to it reveals that she understands. Tori picked up the accessory that returned to the top of her head and looked at the stranger again, showed a smile without exposing her teeth and murmured, grateful.

"Thanks." That's when she noticed that the boy is not alone. A tall woman, apparently a little younger than Tori's aunt, is approaching. A yellow blouse with rolled-up sleeves and a long red skirt that hides the legs is the woman's clothing. And surprisingly, she is extremely similar to the boy who approached. However, there is a contrast between the two, going from an immersive bluish green to a warm amber.

“Are you the newcomers from Wall Sina?” The woman asks as she approaches, standing a little behind the little boy, her fingers stopping on his shoulders. His tone of voice is sweet, bringing a welcome invitation to a conversation. “I thought I would be without neighbors for a long time.”

"It's us. We come from the village of Wismar.” Verena shows sympathy in her smile, expressing that she reciprocates the other woman's politeness. ”I'm Verena Fehrmann. This is Astoria, my niece. But she likes to be called Tori.”

“I'm Carla Jaeger, your neighbor. This is Eren, my son.” Now that the two strangers have a name, Astoria once again notices the boy who will take her hat. Eren, it suits you. That's what she thinks in the back of her mind. She notices how he behaves during the conversation, his eyes avoid hers at all costs, while he bites the corner of his cheek and pretends to be interested in anything around him. “You can ask for help with whatever you need, right? My husband, Grisha, is a doctor, if you need assistance. And if Tori needs company, Eren will be happy to provide it.” The boy's face explodes into a subtle reddening at his mother's last words, and he continues to pretend to be more interested in the cracked stone floor than in the conversation in front of him.

Astoria finds it mildly intriguing for a moment. “That’s great, isn’t it, Tori?” She looks away from Eren and agrees with a simple nod of her head. And, even though she doesn't see it, even though it isn't clear, the moment she takes the boy's attention away, Astoria knows that there is something that is watching her intently. “We're fine, but I'll let you know if we need anything.”

It is with a quick goodbye and a warm look that the matriarch says goodbye to her son; this one who whispers a little goodbye. Almost so inaudible that Tori may wonder if she's hearing things. They turn their backs and go on their way, together, without looking back. When they enter a house a few steps away from where the girl would be now, she turns her back and follows her aunt into the new home. What she didn't realize was that the boy she had just met, who was marked in her path, watched her through the window until he ran out of sight.

This was the first time Astoria Fehrmann and Eren Yeager met. That was the beginning of the end.

✧ ✦ ✧

Summer 845: Wall Maria, Shiganshina.

At some point, you lose the rhythm of walking in this world. The simple act of letting air fill your lungs and leave it faster than it came in can cost you more than you think. It could cost you half your life.

Astoria Fehrmann is twelve years old. People in Shiganshina are under the impression that she is everywhere. Running, let's see, barefoot because he thinks that his fingers against the ground gives him a feeling of reality. It's been five years since she was first there; since leaving the old village that was previously the only part of the world she knew, and for a long time, she thought she would be comfortable being there, in a city surrounded by fifty meter walls.

But at some point, it became as boring as Wismar, and as small as a sparrow's cage.

“It has so much salt that the sellers could spend the rest of their lives collecting it, but they would never be able to get it all.” Armin Arlert articulates behind Tori; He's a sweet boy, he's the same age as her and has long hair that's inches above his shoulders, as golden as the sun and blue as the sky. He tells about something called the sea, an immensity of water much larger and deeper than the river that passes through the city. “And he’s really, really big!”

“Impossible, Armin. Salt is expensive.” Tori laughs as she walks down the alley, turning to him with a mischievous smile. “But when I leave, I’ll look at the sea to see if you’re right.”

"Go away?"

"Exactly." She blinks, turning back to the path ahead. “One day, I'm going to leave here, I'm going to see what's out there. Outside the walls.” Armin blinks a few times, before smiling slightly, without showing his teeth, and continuing.

“You sound like Eren talking” He mentions and the name takes shape in Tori’s mind; the stranger she met the first day she was in the city, with such a strong temper that she often saw the boy getting into trouble, which he got out of with the help of Armin and the girl who was always following them, Mikasa Ackerman. “But... You're right. Everyone lives so comfortably in here, because nothing has ever happened in a hundred years... But, no one thinks that one day this will end.”

“Aunt Verena, sometimes, seems to want to say that it’s our fault, you know? Of humanity. That this was the result of humans’ own actions.” Tori says, remembering her aunt's words.

“Well, I guess we'll never know what happened before we were here, since there's no record... Ouch!” Armin stops talking when he feels something hard, solid and deformed hit his head, causing his balance to almost fail.

In an automatic reaction, Tori quickly turned to see what it had been, and where it had come from. In his direction, three young men in simple clothes walk towards them, with a stupidly visible evil in their eyes. Until the one in the middle decides to start talking.

“Do you idiots have any idea what you’re talking about? If you want to become titan food so much, feel free.” The other two, who looked even more foolish than the one in the middle, start laughing. “We don’t need heretics like you, you are useless to humanity.”

“That’s none of your business.” Tori counters, automatically getting in front of Armin. “If you want to talk about someone being useless to humanity, look at you: three idiots incapable of doing anything, just taking up space.”

"What did you say?!" The same boy from before, looking like his blood is boiling as he approaches the girl, standing face to face, and being twice her size. Before she can say or do anything, thick, rough fingers press her head against the wall and squeeze her neck. “You think you can criticize me? Do you think you're smarter than me? But you're nothing like that…”

The same thing that hit Armin before, a small stone that would fit in Tori's palm, hits the back of the head of the boy who bullies her. Armin had thrown the rock.

“You bastard…” The boy lets go, heading towards Armin.

“Armin!” Tori screams, but the other boys grab her arm, preventing her from moving forward to defend the blonde. “I swear, if you lay a finger on him!”

This is followed by Armin receiving a blow from the boy's fist, taking him to the ground. He grabs the blond's shirt, forcing him to stand up and presses him against the brick wall, while a thin layer of blood forces itself onto the left corner of the boy's lips.

“What’s wrong, heretic?! If you’re not happy, just get out!”

“Like… Like I would stoop to your level.”

"How it is?!"

"Exactly." Armin retorts with a sharp tongue, trying to take control of the situation. “Tori and I are right, but people like you always go the other way because they are incapable of hearing the truth.” “Repeat that, smart guy!”

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Tori's eyes widen when she notices another voice, and realizes she knows who it is. From afar, she sees Eren Jaeger running towards her with an angry expression.

“It’s Eren!” Says one of the boys holding Tori's arms, which causes the bully holding Armin to let go until he falls to the ground.

“You escaped being beaten this time, you bastard.” The boy who was holding Armin speaks, which causes the other two to also let go of Tori, who feels her skin burn from the impact, even indirect, with the ground. “Hmm?”

Behind Eren, a figure with flowing black hair and a red scarf appears. The moment the three boys notice Mikasa, their expressions of horror are immediate.

“He’s with Mikasa! We're screwed!" In running steps, the three boys disappeared from Astoria's sight so quickly that it was like blinking an eye.

She looks at Armin, lying on the other side as blood pools on his lips and paints them a scarlet red. Her throat hurts, remembering the feeling of those fingers that pressed her against the wall. Your skin hurts, knowing that the palms of your hands would be worn from the fall.

“Look, they ran away the moment they saw me!” Eren stops running when the distance between him and the two children ends, his chest puffing out with pride at his achievement.

“Actually, they left when they saw Mikasa…” Armin whispered, as quietly as if he was talking to himself. The moment Eren notices his fallen friend, his pride seems to die and worry takes over, going straight to Armin.

“Armin! Are you well?" Eren extends his small hand to the blonde, however, it is completely ignored when he stands up on his own.

"You want help?" Mikasa Ackerman asked shyly, bending her knees to be at Astoria's height, who was on the floor, supported by her arm. The other girl took her arm and supported her to get up. At this moment, Eren turned around and noticed the girl with blue eyes and black hair. It was automatic that he approached her and examined her condition, looking for signs of injury like there was on Armin.

“Tori, are you… are you okay?” The boy asks, this time in a low voice. “I can’t believe they hit a girl.”

“They were just angry because I said something they didn't like…” Tori shrugged, as she ran her fingers through her clothes to remove any dirt that had stuck to them. “I didn’t lie, anyway.”

"But what happened?"

✧ ✦ ✧

“And then, after that, he went after Tori, called us heretics…” Armin finished, explaining about the previous incident.

“Bastards.” Eren gritted his teeth, anger showed on his face. "Just because you and Tori thought about leaving here?"

Tori faced the running water of the river that passed through the city canal. This is where she first passed on her way to Shiganshina, and where the boats from Shiganshina crossed. Your feet dangle over the edge of the wall and touch the cold, icy water, which causes a thermal shock throughout your body.

“Their thought was what the king and whoever is up there wanted them to think.” Tori says finally, looking at the trio who sat next to her. “At least, that’s what my aunt says.”

“The king is a coward, end of story.” Eren declared “You’re right, but…” Armin trails off, thinking in his meticulous head. “Is that really the only reason?”

“But it’s our life! There are risks!” Eren tries to argue, punctuating his anger. “That’s our goal.”

"Forget." Mikasa speaks for the first time since the four of them sat near the water, but without looking at any of them. "I do not think like that."

“By the way, Mikasa! Why the hell did you tell on me to my parents?”

“I never said I would collaborate.”

"What do you want to do?" Tori asked, feeling a hint of curiosity emerging.

“I… I want to join the Survey Corps…” Eren replied and lowered his head, perhaps merely embarrassed.

“That’s cool” She swung her legs in the air, speaking sincerely. “What they do is... Cool. My aunt says they are honest, but she would never let me join them.”

“But what did your parents say?” Armin asked.

“Well… They didn’t stand up or applaud me…”

“I can imagine. It’s dangerous, but I can imagine how far you’ll go.” Armin curls up as he speaks, his arms hug his legs against his chest and his head rests on his knees. “But, I would like to know about the people who believe that staying within the walls will protect them forever. It hasn’t been broken in a hundred years, but there’s no guarantee that it will ever happen, and yet…”

It was at a moment when Tori was distracted, that the ground shook and she had the impression that the earth was about to open. A boom as big as lightning ringing in his ears. It seemed like his eardrums were threatening to burst, as the noise still sounded for long seconds in his ear in the form of a high pitch.

"What was this?!" Tori asked, in a louder tone than normal, due to the ringing in her ears.

“I think... I think it was an earthquake.” Eren replied, his voice also loud. At this point, the buzzing was gone. When Tori looked around, thousands of people rushed to a specific meeting point, some curious, and others with horrified expressions on their faces. In an act of impulse, her legs moved on their own and she ran to where a crowd was gathering, hearing Armin calling for her, but Tori ignored her and continued on her way.

She brushes past thousands of taller people, trying to see what they are looking at, but when the girl looks up at the top of the Wall, her bones freeze.

She forgot how to breathe. She's scared to the bone. His features so striking in pure horror, not knowing how to move. Up there, on a fifty-meter Wall, a hand in pure raw flesh, extremely large, and a merciless, inhuman gaze, which stares at what is below as if they were worms. At least, that's the feeling Tori has.

"This is impossible!" Armin's terrified voice reaches her, just as scared as she is. “The wall... The wall is fifty meters!”

Then, it was in a matter of seconds, that an even bigger noise sounds again, and huge stone debris from the Wall passes over them, which leaves a large hole in the great stone wall. This was the trigger; screams coming from everywhere, screams of fear, despair and pure agony. People run and bump into the girl, but she can't move.

Until the image of the wreckage comes back to her mind, like the trigger she needed to return to reality.

“Those things... Those destroyed things went... In the direction of our street!” She said in one breath, before turning around and starting to run as fast as she had ever run before.

She doesn't know if the screams calling her came from Armin, Eren and Mikasa. It doesn't matter. Your mind is racing, your skin tingles and your throat closes, your heart seems to explode inside your chest as adrenaline runs wild through your veins.

I need to find my aunt. I need to find my aunt. I need to find my aunt.

The thoughts are disorganized in the girl's head, her body moves without guidance and when she turns the corner and stops on the street of her house, she feels like crying when she sees her house intact, until she notices the big boulder that left her house. Jaeger family in pure wreckage. But now, time is more precious than ever. And she has priorities in mind.

Tori opens the door with her own body, not bothering enough to use the handle. Her body hits the wall and she falls to the floor, but getting up faster than she fell.

"AUNT!" She screams, at the top of her lungs, feeling her voice wanting to crack as small tears gather in the corners of her eyes. “AUNT VERENA!” Tori searches every room, searches the kitchen, the bedrooms, anywhere she might be.

Anything.

There was absolutely no one there.

Where did you go?

Astoria Fehrmann doesn't know what to do, where to go or who to turn to. The outside was now inside, the demon crawled inside and was there to lead everyone to the abyss. And now, she was alone, there was not a sign of life in that house.

The memory of that morning comes back to him; Verena welcomes her with open arms in the morning, and leaves a simple kiss on her forehead, asking her not to come home late. And now, Astoria wished she had ordered, to be in her aunt's warm arms and snuggle while she told her a story and played with her hair.

But it's too late.

With slow steps, incredulous eyes and an empty mind, Astoria returns outside. The street is empty except for something. With his back to her, with blonde hair and a height of more than ten meters, a body extremely disproportionate due to an extremely large chest and thin arms, a titan feeds on its prey, with the blood that infests the air and falls to the ground. , tarnishing Shiganshina.

The girl doesn't scream, doesn't move. He stands there, vulnerable as he observes the cruel world he lives in, a life, whoever the titan ate, that was mercilessly taken away.

And soon, Tori would be next.

Then, the titan slowly turns around: he has small amber eyes, as well as a big smile, which takes up half of his face, but the white of his teeth is erased by blood red. His hand is in a closed fist, where half a body is trapped, with the legs out. Then, the titan returns to focusing on its dead prey. There is a ringing in Tori's ears, she may think she is deaf as nothing but muffled sounds reach her ears.

“ASTORIA!”

Full stop. Consciousness returned to her body, and when she turns to face the person calling her name, Verena is in front of her, her breathing unregulated, her clothes dirty, and clearly altered. Astoria feels the tears falling violently from her face, of relief, of pain, of fear. She wraps her arms around the older woman and is welcomed into a hug so strong that it seems as if the two could merge.

“Honey, listen carefully!” Verena moved away, bending down to her niece's height, with her hands firmly on either side of her face. “I need you to run. We're going to have to get to the boats in the harbor before we can get out of here, so even if you're injured, you can't give up. Did you understand?!" She did not answer. “Do you understand, Astoria?!”

"I understood!"

Verena grabbed her niece's hand, and then they ran, running like never before. They ran for their lives. For the lives that were being left behind.

The whole way there, Tori thought that if hell really exists, this is what it was like. With blood flowing through the city streets, people screaming for their lives, people dead, crushed, screams everywhere, for help, for fear. Her fingers pressed against Verena's, who guided her towards the city's port, where her departure would be.

“Don’t let go of me, Astoria!” However, his warning was not enough. In the midst of the crowd that bumped into each other, without caring about what was in front, with the instinct to save their own lives guiding them. Tori feels incredible pain in her fingers from the grip, then it breaks and she is separated from Verena. The woman looks back, horrified, as the crowd throws her backwards until she is out of sight.

“ASTORIA! GO TO THE BOATS!” It's the last thing she hears, because at that moment, being pushed around by thousands of people, being separated from the family she had, her conscience is giving up on her.

She tries to scream, but her voice doesn't come out, her body is giving up on keeping her upright, her eyelids are slowly closing while her heart beats too hard, her eyes let too many tears flow and she doesn't know what to do.

Her senses try to keep it from shutting down, but nothing happens, her body is numb and at that moment, Astoria wished she was home, she wanted to go home and lie down after a tiring day, curl up in her blankets and receive a sweet good night from your aunt. But reality is unchangeable, and the world is evil.

I will die. It's what repeats itself in your head, thousands of times. He finished. She's not strong, she's not smart as she thought and the world proved that to her in the cruelest way possible. With the last sense he has, he tries to reach out in the direction Verena was taken, but it's useless.

Then, your eyes close and darkness takes over.

✧ ✦ ✧

NEXT CHAPTER

A/N: FIRST CHAPTER AND THERE IS ALREADY TRAUMA GUARANTEED! Jokes aside, making it clear to you that NO, Tori did not die! She passed out because of the stress of the situation and because she was having a panic attack, our dear is not leaving us (yet) Anyway, I hope you liked it! Until next time <3

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