#(I got to go home just a couple days before)

[esta-elavaris]

Have to add my own message of hope here. I was suicidal when I was 21 - to the point where I had a plan in place, and was very close to going through with it, but the one thing that kept me around was my brother. He was the one person in my life who I could never convince myself would be better off if I wasn't around. So the "deadline" I gave myself for doing it (there was 'logic' to that deadline but I don't want to share in case I influence anybody who is currently in a bad way) came and went, and I didn't do it. And I cursed myself for being a coward at the time.

I finished uni that year, I moved home, and I decided to give seeking medical help one last shot a couple of months later, after a decade of being ignored by doctors who were all adamant that I was too young to be depressed or anxious, and I just needed "more fresh air". Sitting in the waiting room for that doctor's appointment, I nearly walked out several times, because I felt so shitty and so hopeless and I could not take being brushed off one more time.

The appointment I had, with the doctor I got by chance, saved my life. That doctor saved my life. She took one look at me and put me on antidepressants that day, and scheduled me in for weekly appointments so she could essentially keep an eye on me and give me what therapy she could while I was on the waiting list for actual therapy. Every week, I went there, and every week she listened to me and encouraged me, and tracked my progress with the meds. These appointments went on for years. This woman did save my life. Only after two years of constant appointments and constant check-ins did she allow me to just go to med pick-ups rather than appointments, when she was sure the proper therapy was working and I was doing better.

One day, around that time, I was on the bus home after I met up with friends - I'd just gotten to a place where I was able to actually manage that somewhat frequently without cancelling every time (and my friends were so patient with me in that respect and never abandoned me after all the cancellations, which they would've been in their right to do). I remember looking out the window, seeing how pretty the sunset looked, after a day of shopping and nachos with pals, and realising I was actually happy to be alive. For the first time in years. I no longer wanted to die, and I no longer even just generally didn't want to be alive (which is different from actively wanting to die.)

My mental health isn't perfect now, at 28, but I'm an entirely different person to who I was back then - and I've been through worse things now than I'd been through back then. You do get worse before you get better, progress isn't linear, you don't feel the change even really happening while it does. But one day you will sit back and be so, so grateful for what you previously labelled "cowardice" in not going through with suicide. It will happen. You have good on its way to you that you can't even imagine right now.

One of the weirdest thing about growing up suicidal is that you assume you have no future, you don’t even try to envision it because you see no point. So eventually, you start assuming everyone else sees nothing in your future either. Recently, my friend and I were talking and she said something about how at her wedding I could wear a suit or a dress as long as it matched her bridesmaid’s dresses because the butler of honor has to make a good impression. This hit me so hard because I had never realized before how other people thought about me. She said it so casually like it wasn’t even a hard decision, just a given fact. She loves me so much she saw me at her wedding, standing with her on one of the most important days of her life. And you know what? There are so many people who think about you that way. If that isn’t proof that you should keep going I don’t know what is.

[ipushhimback]

we were drunk, it happens - pt. 2

part 1: here

pairing: lando norris x verstappen!reader warnings: smut (marked with 3 red stars), oral (f receiving), p in v, no protection word count: 3k summary: Y/N attends a GP, saying if Lando wins he will be rewarded

Only a couple days later, Y/N got a message from Max.

The Monaco GP is next week. I know you are not really into F1, but I’d love for you to come, and I am sure Kelly and P would also be happy to have someone to spend their time with. What do you think? – Max

Y/N really hated Formula 1, but not because of the sport itself. She loved the fast cars, the races, how everyone wants to be the best. But her dad had ruined it all for her when they were kids.

She had always loved karting. Sometimes she was even allowed to drive Max’ kart, but when she told her dad that she also wanted to kart competitively, just like her brother, he had said she couldn’t. How could she even think of that as a girl. She would never have a chance in the sport.

Sometimes she thinks that her dad was right. She probably wouldn’t have come far as a woman, but she still would have loved to race.

Maybe it was for the better. Jos wasn’t known for being the best dad to Max. He had always pressured him. Punished him when he wasn’t good enough. And Y/N knew how it affected Max now. She didn’t know if she could have handled that as a kid.

So, from there on she had avoided Formula 1 as much as possible as it simply reminded her too much of her father.

But how could she say no to her brother. Moreover, it could be a great opportunity to spend some time with Lando. Even though they had agreed to no feelings. But honestly, Y/N didn’t know how long that would work. Or if it even could work. She had doubts.

I’m not sure. Is dad going to be there? - Y/N

No, I don’t think so. At least he didn’t say anything to me. But that doesn’t mean anything. - Max

Ok, then I guess I will come. Would you or Kelly pick me up? I don’t want to have to search for a parking lot. - Y/N

Of course. See you then. – Max

Somehow, Y/N was even looking forward to attending the Grand Prix. She didn’t know when the last time was that had happened. But now she just had to hope and pray that her dad wasn’t going to be there as well. Then she would for sure go home. She would just take a walk as it was only half an hour from her home.

She picked up her phone again and opened her chat with Lando. They exchanged their numbers before he left, so they could chat about when they could meet up again – but no feelings involved, of course.

Gonna be at the GP next week. You better win, Norris. - Y/N

She waited a bit, but Lando didn’t go online. He probably was at training, Y/N thought. But just as she wanted to out her phone on the coffee table in front of her, her phoned signaled an incoming message.

Really? How come I have never seen you at one before? But if I win, I wanna be rewarded… - Lando

Long story. But ofc you will. Why else would I tell you to win? – Y/N

K. Have to get back to training, bye. – Lando

Yeah, bye. - Y/N

Y/N couldn’t help but grin. Lando had interrupted her training. For her. To answer an unimportant message. She leaned back on the couch pillows, sighed and smiled to herself.

She sat back up. No feelings. He is probably an arrogant, rich person. She would just end up hurt if she fell for him.

She took a deep breath and got up from where she was sitting. The world champion’s sister made her way to the kitchen where she took a cup from the cupboard and made a huge coffee. The pill she took earlier did little for her headache, so she hoped that the caffeine was going to help.

Then she took her laptop and decided to watch some silly show to take her mind off Lando.

***

A week later, Y/N was ready to go to the GP. She was wearing a bright blue summer dress, her favorite. It had a lot of little white flowers printed on the fabric and it had a quite low neckline, which she hoped Lando would notice.

She actually thought about wearing something orange, in fact it had been one of her favorite colors to wear for quite a long time, but she couldn’t wear papaya-similar colors when she was there to support her brother – or when she was at least pretending to support her brother. Because even though she did not have feelings for Lando – no, really, none – she had been so horny the last couple of day, she just needed Lando to win this Grand Prix.

So now, Y/N sat in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water while scrolling through instagram and waiting for her brother and Kelly.

She watched her Labradoodle puppy trying to catch his own tail which made her laugh, so she got up to pet him.

Eventually she heard the doorbell ring. She quickly went to open the door, but instead of her brother or Kelly, it was P standing on the doorstep.

“P! Hey! What are you doing here? Are you going to drive me to the Grand Prix?”, Y/N was joking which made the five-year-old giggle.

“No, silly. I can’t drive. But Maxie said I could ring, and I have to tell you to hurry because we are late.”

“Ok, I just need to get my jacket from upstairs”, Y/N said.

“No!”, Penelope exclaimed. “You can’t. Maxie said we are late. Now come on.” P grabbed Y/N’s hand and pulled her outside and towards the Audi that was parked in front of her house.

The young woman new better than to argue with the little girl so she decided to just follow her. Who needed a jacket anyway. In the worst case she would just ask Max or Kelly for something warmer to wear.

An hour later Y/N was hanging around with Kelly and P around Max’ garage and she regretted that she didn’t come later. They have been standing around for what felt like hours and the race wasn’t even close to get started. The only thing that prevented her from going home again to sleep and coming back later, was P who was full of energy and Kelly who just couldn’t keep up with it anymore, being 9 months pregnant.

“Y/N, can we go to Lando? I wanna see him and tell him good luck. Can we go? Now?” P looked at Y/N with that cute little pout. “Please?”, she added after seeing the critical look on Y/N’s face.

“P… Lando is probably really busy, just like Max. Does it really have to be now?” If the Dutch woman was being honest with herself, she just really didn’t want to see Lando right now.

No. That was not correct. She wanted to see him. And that was the problem. She shouldn’t do that. No feelings. Just fun. That can’t be that hard, right?

Wrong. It can be hard. Not falling for a handsome guy with the curliest curls in the world, the cutest, widest smile existing on planed earth, the prettiest blue eyes that seemed to be green in different lightning and – stop.

“It really has to be now! If I don’t wish him luck, he won’t be good and he has to win!” P looked at her with these pleading look Y/N just can’t resist so there she was, walking with P to the McLaren garage.

“You know that Max would kill us if he saw us here?”, Y/N said jokingly. “By the way, don’t you want Max to win? Why Lando?”

“Maxie won too often. Now it is Lando’s turn. It is boring with Maxie. I like drama. And we don’t get drama when Maxie always wins. And Lando is great! He always plays with me and lets me do his hair. He has nice hair. It is curly.” P grinned happily while she explained to Y/N why Lando was so great.

A bit later they were standing in front of Lando’s garage and Y/N went to the first mechanic she spotted.

“Sorry, where is Lando? P wants to tell him good luck for the race. Is that possible?” Y/N just hoped that the mechanic would recognize P or her so she could go to Lando.

“I know her. Who are you? I am sure you understand that I can’t just let anyone to him.”

Y/N nodded. “I am Y/N Verstappen. You know, Max’ sister? Kelly didn’t come with us because, well she is pregnant and probably sleeping somewhere.”

The mechanic looked satisfied with the answer. “Ok. You just have to go straight there and then the third door on the left side. There should be his name on the door. Just knock. He will open if he isn’t preparing for the race at the moment.”

“Ok thank you. Have a nice day, bye!” Y/N looked at the five-year-old next to her who had a content look on her face.

Just a minute later they were standing in front of a wooden door, they could hear loud music from inside, so Y/N knocked again, even louder this time.

“God, how isn’t he deaf already”, she murmured more to herself than anyone else, but P commented it anyway.”

“Because he is Lando. He is not becoming deaf ever. He is great.” The older woman could barely hold the laugh that was threatening to spill over.

“Yes, he really is”, Y/N said with a laugh, shaking her head at P’s enthusiasm.

Finally, the door was opening, and Y/N was standing in front of this handsome guy Lando.

“P!”, he explained.

“Hi Lando! I want to wish you good luck. Y/N said you were busy, but I had to because you have to win, ok?”, the girl asked in just one breath while falling forward and demanding a hug from the driver.

Y/N could only laugh. Too adorable was the childhood crush Penelope obviously had on the older guy.

“That’s great! Thank you, P! So, you are going to cheer for me? Isn’t Max going to be sad?”, Lando asked.

“No, he will understand. You will win. I know because I wished you good luck.”

Lando just laughed, and Y/N couldn’t help but admire how cute he was with Penelope. And that laugh… she could listen to it for hours and- stop.

***

Lando did in fact win. And Y/N couldn’t be happier about it. During the Podium celebration – Lando came in first place, Max in second and Oscar in third – she just stood in front of it, being impatient.

But then finally, Lando came to her, already changed into a hoodie and simple jeans, his hair damp from the shower he probably had.

“So… what about my reward? Should we drive to your place again or mine?”, Lando asked with that damn smirk on his face.

“Mine. I need to feed my dog.” Lando shot you a surprised look.

“You have a dog? Why didn’t I see him already?” Y/N noticed how disappointed Lando looked.

“I just got him like a week ago. He is super cute, but right now he is at my neighbor’s, and I don’t want her to spend even more of her time taking care of my dog.”

Lando just hummed and led the younger woman to his car. She let out a whistle when she saw how nice it was.

“I assume you won’t let me drive that beauty?”, she asked the brunette.

“You want to?” Y/N nodded enthusiastically.

“Go for it”, Lando eventually said, throwing his key in her direction and she caught it easily.

She let out a high-pitched squeal when she sat in the driver’s seat and started the engine. Carefully, she pressed the accelerator, and the car shot forward.

“This is so crazy, oh my god… I will steal that beauty from you.”

It only was a short drive to Y/N’s home, so she had actually thought about driving differently so she could enjoy the feeling of the car even longer but honestly, she didn’t want to. She knew exactly what would happen when they arrived, and she didn’t want to wait any longer for it.

But it turned out she did not know what happened next. Lando kneeled down and cuddled with her dog who seemingly enjoyed that as he fell asleep right in Lando’s arms.

“Can you leave Milo alone? He’s not the reward I meant…”, Y/N said a bit disappointed because she knew her puppy was cute, but she didn’t imagine Lando just playing with her dog for the next hour.

***

Eventually Lando set down the sleepy puppy who immediately curled up on the couch and they went upstairs, not wanting Milo to watch them do whatever they were planning to do.

“So… now I will finally get my reward?”, Lando asked, this stupid smirk back on his face.

“Oh, shut up! You were the one who needed to cuddle with Milo”, Y/N said before stepping forward and pulling Lando to her by grabbing the strings of his hoodie.

She tilted her head up and just a moment later, Lando’s lips were on her’s. Y/N hummed and opened her lips slightly.

Lando moved towards her bed, not breaking the kiss, until Y/N flopped on the mattress. He pulled back just enough to have access to her dress so he could pull it over her head, leaving her in just her underwear. Y/N then tugged at Lando’s hoodie, and he ended up helping her by slipping it off, as well as his pants. Y/N stared at his chest.

She knew she had seen it all before, when they hooked up after the dinner, but the memory of the night wasn’t too present anymore, and honestly, Y/N didn’t know how she could ever look at Lando and not think how hot this guy looks.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Lando kisser her again, rougher this time. More demanding than anything else did he press his lips on her’s. Her back arched off the bed which Lando saw as his chance to get his hands behind her back to open her bra.

“So gorgeous”, he whispered on her lips and pulled back just for Y/N to feel his mouth closing around her nipples, making her gasp.

His lips trailed lower until he stopped above the waistband of her panties. His index fingers hooked into it, and he pulled them down until he could throw them to where he thought the rest of the clothes already is.

His went even lower until his lips hovered just above her. Y/N’s breath hitched as she looked down at Lando who was spreading her legs. He looked up at her, his eyes dark and his pupils dilated.

The first touch of his tongue felt… electric and it made her back arch. He teased her with fast licks and gentle pressure which made Y/N move into his direction.

“Patience. Trust me”, Lando said, and Y/N would throw a pillow at him if it hadn’t felt this good.

But it wasn’t long until Lando grew more and more impatient, and he didn’t want to continue teasing Y/N.

His tongue worked not only faster but also firmer and soon she was teetering right on the edge. Her hands came down to grab his hair, pushing him closer to her and she couldn’t stop the loud moan from slipping through her lips.

Lando hummed against her and the vibrations just pushed her even closer to the edge. His fingers joined his tongue as he curled them in her, pressing into that sweet spot.

When Lando realized that Y/N was about to come he worked even more precise, rougher. And just like that she tripped over the edge, and she felt the release wash over her. Lando didn’t stop thrusting his fingers in and out of her until she rode out her orgasm.

Y/N felt her legs tremble and she slowly opened her eyes again just to see Lando over her. His lips were glistening from her juices as he moved to press a kiss on her lips. She tasted herself on his lips, the taste blending with the champagne he drank earlier on the podium and just the taste of him.

She pulled back just enough to mumble, “Need you, Lando. Please.”

Lando didn’t say anything just moved to get rid of the boxers he still wore. Y/N couldn’t help but stare at him, her lips parting slightly.

“Like what you see?”, he teased her though it was apparent that he wanted it just as much as she did. His cock was hard and leaking and huge. Y/N really didn’t know why she hadn’t thought of that.

“How did that fit the last time?”, she blurted out and wanted to take it back immediately when Lando chuckled.

“Wanna find out?”, he said and even though he was just teasing, Y/N knew that if she just said no, Lando would stop immediately, no questions asked.

But she nodded, wanting to finally feel him in her. Lando positioned himself between her thighs, teasing her entrance with the tip of his cock.

Y/N breath hitched as he pushed into her with one hard thrust. Her hands flew to his shoulder, and she was sure that her nails would leave marks on his skin, as she adjusted to the stretch. Lando stilled just for a moment before pulling out nearly fully before slamming back into her.

Y/N moaned his name which just seemed to fuel the Brit, and he started thrusting into her even harder.

“God, you feel so god”, he moaned, his hands gripping her hips and Y/N was sure she would have bruises by tomorrow.

Only after a few thrusts Y/N was already close again, still sensitive from her previous orgasm.

“Lando, I-“, her voice broke but Lando hummed, knowing exactly what she wanted to say.

“I know. Come for me.”

Her orgasm hit her even harder this time, her body still high from before and Lando came just a moment later, with himself buried deep inside her.

For a moment, neither of them moved but then, Lando slowly pulled away, collapsing onto the bed just next to Y/N.

She stared at the ceiling, her chest still heaving as she was catching her breath.

“Happy with your reward?”, she asked Lando.

“Very. This was amazing.”

Y/N rolled to the side to face Lando, a grin tugging at her lips.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Norris,” she said with a sly grin.

A/N: Should I write a pt. 3? I kinda want to but idk if anyone wants to read it

[incomplete-leclerc]

　𝗣𝗢𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗘 𝗖𝗔𝗧, 𝗦𝗟𝗘𝗘𝗣𝗬 𝗖𝗔𝗧.　oscar piastri · #81

　　　your boyfriend loves to take naps, and occasionally, you decide to join him.

genres : fluff ... established relationship.　word count : 0.7k.　warnings : none.　 note : my first official f1 fic!! super excited but also nervous to be posting this :') it's the start of a new era <3　　　( masterlist )　( taglist )

Oscar took the chance to nap whenever he could. The constant jetlag messed up his sleep schedule throughout the entire season, so when his body felt tired and there was even 5 minutes to spare, he would take the chance. Lando, not missing any opportunity to tease him about something, said it was because he was still going through growth spurts at twenty-three. 

Given your boyfriend’s habit and love for sleep, you often arrived to see him completely knocked out, whether in the garage, hotel room, or at home. It was endearing, and you had your own way of finding enjoyment in his habit. For instance, your camera roll was overflowing with sleepy Oscar pics; excellent blackmail material if you ever needed it, but most often, you just looked at them whenever you missed him. But your favourite part of it all was waking him up.

Tousling his hair, poking his cheek, booping his nose, kissing his forehead or lips— your methods were practically endless. A lovesick smile was permanently stuck on your face whenever you heard the groggy mumbles he let out as he woke up or saw his scrunched up face at the feeling of your touch. There was a certain charm to all his clumsy, loserish habits, contrasting so starkly with his confidence on track. There were many sides to Oscar, and you had fallen in love with all of them over the years.

It was around 2PM when you opened the door to your apartment, grocery bags in hand. It had been a day full of miscellaneous errands that you had kept putting off, one of which was stocking up on Oscar’s favourite snacks. Now that the 2024 season was finished and he was back home with you— yours for the next four months— you wanted to cook him some of his favourite meals. You had expected to see Oscar in the kitchen or living room, as he usually was. But the house was unusually quiet as you put away food in the fridge. Though, one look into your bedroom told you where he had been hiding.

After knowing Oscar since you were teenagers, it was unsurprising to you when you found him fast asleep on your bed, hugging your pillow to his chest. You smiled at the sight, figuring he must still be struggling to adjust back to the timezone. With you gone first thing in the morning, there wasn’t anything to keep him awake, either. It was no secret that Oscar was the clingier of you two (quite a problem when it came to races conflicting with your schedule), and for all the hoodies and shirts of his that you stole, he liked your pillows. 

The mere sight of your boyfriend comfortably cosied under the blankets on the bed had you starting to feel drowsy yourself. You hesitated for a second about whether to wake him up, join him, or leave him entirely and drink another cup of coffee to get through the day. But you realized quickly that more than anything, you missed his touch the last couple days. Cuddles to sleep was all you craved for. So with all hesitation gone, you climbed up on the bed, easily slipping your arms around Oscar’s waist, hugging his back. The movement was enough to wake him, and he blinked, slightly dazed as he turned around in your arms. 

“You’re back,” he mumbled, words barely above a whisper before he closed his eyes again like a cat squinting in the sun. You giggled, adjusting the pillows as Oscar nuzzled closer to you. “You smell nice… did you get a new perfume?” 

You smiled, closing your eyes as well as Oscar wrapped his arms around your waist and your hands found their way to his hair. “I did. It’s peach. You like it?” He hummed in confirmation. “Still jet lagged?”

A gentle squeeze from Oscar was all the answer you got, but it was all you needed to understand. With the scent of your perfume, your hands threading through his hair, and a soft kiss pressed to his lips, he was already falling back into his dreamland. You soon followed, wrapped in his arms; close, content, and comfortable.

[whatifitis]

♡ i wish you would've stayed - LN 4 ♡

Summary: you and lando had a fling and things end but did he lie? he found someone new when he said he wasn't ready.

WC: 2636

CW: angst, very small mention of weight loss, overuse of song lyrics, use of quotes i found on tiktok

How can it be that everytime someone says they aren’t ready for a relationship with you, they always end up ready for the girl after? 

You and Lando had been friends for a couple of months before you ended up developing feelings for him. Like, who wouldn’t fall for him? He’s funny, cute, and charming. You guys would talk for hours on end. Everytime you two would find something in common, it felt like the invisible string between the two of you was real. Maybe all these things were signs that you had finally met your person. 

When you were able to talk to him, it felt like everything was okay. When it felt like no one wanted you around, he did. It didn’t matter if you just had a hellish day or not, he was always able to bring you back to joy and contentness in a second. He showed you how it felt to be loved, for the first time in your life. 

When you’d confessed to him about your feelings for him, he’d said he liked you as well. You remember nearly bursting into tears as giddiness swirled in your chest. This was the first time your feelings had been well received, and it was someone who you had really grown fond of. He didn’t want to be anything yet so as to not feel pressured so early in this relationship and you understood, you were fine with it. The two of you often joked about what to call your situation as neither of you liked the term ‘situationship’ and ‘casual’ definitely wasn’t it. It was just two people who really liked each other and wanted to see how things went.

Everyday, the two of you spoke for hours at a time and it was fun. You’d shared music with each other and you’d actually grown to enjoy music from his favorite artist. When you asked him to make a playlist of all his favorite songs by the artist, he was genuinely so excited and got to work instantly. You loved seeing him so happy and you’re glad it was because of you, selfishly so. When he’d sent you the playlist, he’d named it one of the verses from a song that you had sort of dedicated to him. You really fell hard for him. 

Even though it had just been a month or so, you were excited to picture a life with him. The two of you had even planned out your future home together. The colors of the walls of every room had already been picked out and it was the happiest you had been in a long time. 

“We’re gonna have a house by the beach, yeah? And we’re gonna have a dog that’s practically our baby. And we’re gonna name it ‘Lando’.”

“Lan, why are we naming it after you?” you softly laughed. 

“Well, when I was a kid, my family had gotten a dog and it was my job to name it. As the uncreative child I was, I named it after the best thing ever. Myself.” he smiled cheekily.

“No way. Oh my god.” you couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Hold on. I’m not done painting the scene.”

“Alright, apologies, my love. Please continue.” 

“So our dog, Lando, will lie in the sheets with us. The sun will always shine and there will be a ring on your hand. On your ring finger specifically. And I’ll hold you every night.”

But he lied. He made a promise he could never keep. He tried and tried until he couldn’t. 

As time went by, his texts began to slow down. But you weren’t upset. When the two of you began this whirlwind of a relationship, he’d mentioned how with work and his mental health, he’d often go days without having the energy to talk to anyone. You understood, you’d been there before, you told him as long as he would talk to you whenever he was able, that you were going to be okay. And you were. Your days would go by where you wouldn’t get a text from him and it was okay. You were productive during the days and while you did miss him, you knew his struggles and you let him be with the occasional messages to check on him. 

Then one Thursday in the fall, your world came crashing down. You sort of knew it was coming. There were signs that you chose to ignore, hoping it wasn’t true. But then you got the text “I don’t think we should talk anymore.” You really tried to understand. He said he felt guilty for dragging you along and that he didn’t want to keep doing it to you. He said he was tired and he wasn’t able to maintain a relationship of any sort. So you said ok. That was the last time the two of you spoke. 

For weeks, you cried over this loss. It wasn’t just about essentially getting dumped. To you, he was your best friend and you lost him. That was the worst part. Not the fact that you didn’t have anyone to love anymore. Not that he just up and left. It was the fact that he was your friend before everything and you don’t have any part of him now. 

You knew you had some fault in the ending though. You’d said things that weren’t the right things to say at the time. You had messed up often. You just wish you could take those back though. You wish you could’ve said something different. Then maybe he’d still be yours. 

You told your friends what happened and it’s safe to say they all dislike him now. After everything, they started stating their opinions and talked shit about him but it didn’t help. You didn’t hate him, although you should have. You wished you could hate him and be angry, but you’re not. You’re just sad. 

Everything reminds you of him. Every song is about him. Every poem is about him. Every book is about him. The blue in the water is him. The sun shining through your window is him. His face is everywhere. His voice is everywhere. His laugh is everywhere. The laugh you thought you would get to listen to for forever, is now a stranger. 

You would find yourself still imagining things with him after the end of everything. You’d think of him in the stupidest things. You’d think of him while in the shower, how it’d be nice to have your things with his sitting along the edge of the tub. You would even imagine running out of soap so you would end up using his. You would go to work and the store wearing it. Only when in the night, when you would lay next to him in bed, would you smell where all your missing soap had gone. 

It was those stupid little things that made the healing process so much harder. 

He forgot you overnight. Meanwhile you lost your head and appetite. You ate a lot like a fly. Your anxiety had also gotten worse, making your heart race every second of the day. You thought of giving up everything. It was a dramatic thing to consider considering you couldn’t even classify what happened as a breakup, as he was never yours. 

After some time, the tears stopped. The heartbreak didn’t, but you were able to continue with your life and get through some days. Every so often, you still check on him through social media, just to make sure he’s okay. Of course, that came back to bite you in the ass when you found out he was talking to someone. 

The day you found it, your heart dropped and it felt like that Thursday all over again. All that healing had gone out the window because now everything feels like a lie. Was he making fun of you with some esoteric joke? 

He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, that he couldn’t maintain any relationship. He said he cared about you. You believed it. You were stupid to believe it. A fool for thinking any of it was real. The house, the songs, every little thing was a lie. All you ever thought about was there the hell he was and if he was okay but he didn’t give two shits about you. There was never a you and him. And there never would be. 

You go back and forth between being angry and sad. You can’t tell if you’re making everything up in your head whether it was your relationship with him or the events after. 

Every page you wrote, he was on it. Every word you wish you could say to him. 

After letting you sulk for a few months, your friends dragged you out of the house so you could all go to a club and just have fun. There was no pressure to meet someone or walk away with someone. They said that all you owed them was to show up and have fun. So you went. 

The night was beautiful at first. After pregaming a bit, you ordered yourself a drink at the club and just let loose with your girls. Dancing the night away and not caring about tomorrow. All that mattered was right now. 

You could feel arms moving around you, your heart beating to the music, the alcohol working its magic through your system. You were glad to be there with your favorite people, when everything felt like it was falling away, you still had them. 

It was truly an amazing night until there were whispers spread across the room. Lando was there, with his new girl. The two walked hand in hand towards the back corner of the club with their group. 

What the fuck was he doing here? He could be anywhere in the world, why is he here? 

You didn’t know what to do. For the longest time, you’d imagined what you would do if you were to be in the same room as him again. You composed a hundred ways to tell him the reasons why you could’ve played for keeps, all of which would sit collecting dust, rotting in your house. 

You watched as they settled into the rhythm of the club, when Lando looked straight at you. He looked different. He looked lighter. 

Your friends caught this moment and immediately grabbed you and tried to get you to ignore them. They wanted you to show Lando that you’re better off without him, that you’re okay. So you tried. You tried to keep dancing, to keep your heavy feet moving, to act as if your heart wasn’t being dragged through you. 

You needed a minute. Telling one of your friends you were going to the restroom, you pushed through the crowd. Squeezing through a mess of entangled, sweaty bodies. You kept pushing until you found yourself on a balcony, trying to catch your breath. You moved to a more secluded spot so you could try and recuperate. 

Resting your arms on the railings, you lowered your head to try and figure out what to do. Did you want to confront him, ask for closure? Or did you just want to let it go and try to be free? 

You were caught up in your head when you heard someone clearing their throat somewhere behind you. Looking up, you were met with those hazel green eyes that you had fallen for all those months ago. 

“Hey,” Lando started “didn’t know you were here. Small world, eh?”

“Yeah. Crazy.”

“Come on. Why you being short with me?”

“Nothing. So, uh. Who’s the girl?”

“Oh, yeah. Hannah is my girlfriend. She’s pretty great.”

“Good for you. I’m glad you found someone who can love you the way you deserve. We all need someone to hold and now you found your person.” “Thanks. She helps me a lot and she knows how it feels to be alone in the rain. I guess I just needed someone to stay.” he shrugged, smiling at you. He wasn’t trying to be malicious, he was just happy that he’d found his love.

I stayed. 

“She seems great. I’m happy for you.”

Please, keep me close. 

“Yeah. You’ll find someone too. I’m sure you will.” Couldn’t you love me most?

“Yeah. Sure.”

The two of you stood there for a moment, savoring the silence for different reasons. You knew this was gonna be the end of your story with him. This was going to be the last time you would see him. He thought it was great that everything could remain civil. 

“Well, I gotta go back in.” he said, pointing behind him towards the dance floor, “I’ll see you around. Take care.”

“You too!” you shouted back before he disappeared into the blinking lights and mess of music. 

At the end of the day, you’re hopeless. He found someone better. He found someone to love. Someone to love him. 

So here you sit in the bedroom of your apartment, just missing him and wishing things were different. And you can wish all that you want, but it won’t bring you two together. No matter the things he said or did, you still loved him. 

After all this time, you would still bend back to him if he left the door open. All he had to do was say the words, and you’d play again. But who were you to ask for more? You were just a little chapter in his story while he was more to you. 

If he needed someone, he could’ve picked you. You would’ve given him everything. All he had to do was ask. And you know that can’t solve everything. You just wish he chose you. For once, you wish you had been chosen. You wish he had chosen to love you. You wish he chose you even if it was just to toy with you for longer. 

You still can’t hate him. You honestly wish the best for him. You want him to be happy, even if it means it’s not with you. You want him to have the life he’s dreamed of, with the walls of his house painted blue, red and pink. You hope he gets to go to the city his favorite artist was born in and have a drink at the bar they used to perform at. You hope he’s okay. 

You now know, you’re just not that girl. It was your own fault for not being good enough. She won him, the girl with the gold hair. That’s the girl he chose. So one day, when he walks down the aisle to complete his great love story, you hope he remembers that you’re glad to see him win. You can’t claim to be on the side of love if you can’t even support it in someone you love. It’s not fair to him. 

Your birthday falls on the 29th night of December and you stand in the middle of your kitchen surrounded by your family who say they love you. A birthday cake sits in front of you, coffee flavored, a flavor you never liked. Everyone sings you a happy birthday as you stand there, not letting the tears fall from your face. No one can see the ache in your heart and the way it feels like it’s being dragged down your body. So you just smile. 

You close your eyes to make a wish, but no wish appears as you blow out the candles, just the thought ‘Only three more days left living in a year where you loved me. Only a few more days left in a year where I've allowed myself to love you knowing you don’t’.

Wishing only wounds the heart, after all.

[guksfairy]

fogged hearts | JJK

SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST | PLAYLIST

wc: 1.1k

notes: mentions of nsfw content, just them being cute, this is more of a filler…mwah I love you I hope you enjoy this!!

MDNI ´-જ⁀➴

The car was silent again, save for you and Jungkook’s gentle pants that were fading slowly as you each caught your breath.

“I’ll never get tired of you,” Jungkook’s hands are placed under your sweater, directly on your skin and on your waist with his thumb soothing your skin as it moves in small motions up and down. They’re soft. They’re home.

His cock was still deep in you but you could care less about that right now. You missed him so bad. So what if you wanted him then and there.

When Jungkook agreed to pick you up from the airport after your trip he had a whole thing planned.

He was to pick you up right outside the plane and hand you the flowers he bought on his way there. Then he’d take you to grab some good Korean food he’s sure you’d missed and drive you back home where you two would cuddle in your bed and watch a movie.

He hadn’t planned to fuck you raw in the back of his car before even leaving the airport. You didn’t care though. It’s a private airline and it’s not like any other cars were parked waiting for the jet anytime soon. You checked. So when Jimin offered you a ride back, you declined his offer with the excuse that your parents had already sent over a driver to pick you up. He left and less than a minute later, Jungkook had pulled up and walked out of his car, holding a bouquet of flowers looking as hot as ever.

Maybe it’s because you hadn’t seen him in a week or because his hair was just slightly messy but you wanted him so bad.

So you made that very clear to him when you both walked over to his car and instead of getting in the front seat like you usually do, you got in the back seat. Jungkook was confused for a moment until you threw your black lace panties, you removed from under your skirt, right onto his lap. Without hesitation, he gave you what you wanted.

“I missed you,” you reply with your flushed cheek against his clothed chest.

“Really? I would have never guessed that,” Jungkook’s playful reply earns a chuckle from you. You couldn’t help it. Even while you were on vacation with your friends, you made sure to always text or call Jungkook to update him of your activities.

“I’m serious though. I kept seeing couples everywhere and wishing you were there. I love my friends but you and I should get away too,” you had been thinking about it for a while. Your father had just given you your monthly allowance that you always mention is more than enough.

Maybe you could book a nice getaway with Jungkook. It was long overdue anyways.

“We should. I have a couple places I want to take you to,” at this you carefully sit up and stare at him. Your fingers running through his damp hair as you look at him with a smile growing.

“Yeah?”

“I have a list on my notes app,” he replies and your eyebrows raise.

“You’re kidding,” genuinely in awe because usually you’re the one who plans the places to visit when you two have a day off together.

“No, you can check baby,” he reaches for his phone that’s laid next to your purse on the center console and hands it to you.

You unlock his phone and open his notes app and sure enough, a the very top with the most recent edit, is a list titled, Date Ideas ❤️

“Koo~” you drag out his name as you scroll through his list, all with addresses right next to them.

There’s a couple restaurants listed along with cafes he thinks you’d enjoy the theme of. Some are places where you can make stuff together like ceramic dishes or matching phone cases.

The list goes on for a while and you feel like you’re never going to reach the end of it. Your mouth is slightly agape and Jungkook is starring at your reaction with a smug expression.

What can he say? He’s a good boyfriend.

“Koo why haven’t you mentioned this?” You put his phone down and wait for a response, “Because you almost always have a place in mind when I pick you up,” he replies and you nod. You’re always finding cute places on TikTok and Instagram and want to share them with Jungkook.

You’ve never had to struggle with the whole ‘where do you wanna go?’ or ‘where do you want to eat?’

“Okay well next time we’re checking something off your list,” you say and he jolts gently making you gasp. “Sorry baby I know you’re still sensitive but hand me my phone,” he says and you grab it again and hand it to him.

“What are you doing?” You ask and he tilts his phone so you could see his actions.

He unlocks his phone and scrolls through the list until he finds the one he’s looking for and ticks it off.

▣ fuck my love in a semi-public space

“That’s a date?” You laugh and he smiles back at you, “For me it is,”

For a moment you both stay silent and you take the opportunity to draw a heart in the fogged window. He reaches over and draws both of your initials in the middle. You take his phone again and take a picture of it before sending it to yourself. You’re not sure where your phone is. The second you landed, all you could think about was Jungkook.

“New lockscreen,” you mumble and he kisses the top of your head, “We got to get going baby,” he says and you want to whine but he stops you, “Round two at your place?” and your excitement is once again through the roof.

With gentle movements, you raise yourself off of Jungkook’s cock and land on your sweater he laid for you. He removes his sweater and uses it to clean the both of you, being very careful with you.

Shortly after you make your way to the front seat and so does Jungkook. He plugs his phone in and plays your playlist you made on his Spotify account.

The ride home is nice and quiet with the music playing throughout the vehicle and you couldn’t be happier to be back home to Jungkook.

[st7rnioioss]

INTRODUCING... BROTHERS BSF!MATT x SWEETHEART!READER ۶ৎ

— a brothers bsf!matt x sweetheart!reader moodboard

SWEETHEART!READER who... is quite literally a sweetheart. she'd never hurt a fly, and though she sometimes bickers with matt, it's never something serious. they're both usually doing it for fun, getting as much as possible out of the few conversations they get to have when matt isn't off with her brother.

SWEETHEART!READER who... keeps a diary with multiple pages about matt!! she's so lovestruck after seeing him around a few times, but yet she didn't get to talk that much to him.. so here comes all the fantasies. most of them are purely innocent, just expressing her obvious crush on him.. but some may go in the wrong direction.

SWEETHEART!READER who... puts on her cutest, prettiest outfits when she overhears her brother talk about matt coming over, attempting to try out a new hairstyle even, just to see if he'd notice—which, of course he does.

BROTHERS BSF!MATT who... is completely head over heels the first time he saw her. she's probably the most gorgeous girl he's ever laid his eyes on. matt hadn't really noticed her, mostly because he was a couple years older, and he and her brother also hung out at his place. but when matt got his eye on you? every hangout is being held at your brother's place instead.

BROTHERS BSF!MATT who... one day leaves a little note for her on her desk. she's out with a couple friends, but before she left she got to say a quick hi to matt. and yes, he noticed the hair. she later came home to a note from matt, saying "i liked your hair today:)". that quickly became a ritual between the two.

BROTHERS BSF!MATT who... after a long internal battle between saving his friendship or leaving it behind to date his friend's sister, decides on.. well, both. he could keep his crush a secret.. right? after skimming through you diary, he's more than hooked on you, doing everything in his saying to convince you to go on a date with him, without your brother around.

MASTERLIST

coming soon!

𝜗𝜚˚࿔ notes: they're so !!! him peeking through her diary... heh. already got a little fic for that one.

۶ৎ taglist: @jetaimevous @missmimii @mattscoquette @pearlzier @witchofthehour @elizasturn @loveparqdise @delilahsturniolo @phone4pills @sturnsmia @hearts4werka @cayleeuhithinknott @strnilolover @sturnvxz @lovergirl4gracieabrams @ifwdominicfike @toftomgmf @emely9274 @sturnioloangell @blushsturns @forgottxen @slut4chris888 @marrykisskilled @sophand4n4 @sturnihoelooo @unknvhx @chrisslut04 @sturniolossss @slvtf0rchr1s @blahbel668 @stir-knee-o-low @miolos @user1smvtysturniolo @lizzyzzn @sturnslutz @decimatedxdreams @chrissturnioloswife88 @sturn777 @sturniolonationsblog

© ST7RNIOIOSS est. 2023

[cjlouwho]

This got a little long winded, so it gets its own post. The story you are about to read is based off of this poll. These are your choices.

Tommy was pretty sure he'd never felt a headache like this before. He wasn't prone to migraines, but he'd seen his mother suffer with them and this... well, this might be worse.

He squeezed his eyes shut, groaning as a wave of nausea fell over him.

It wasn't just his head that hurt. It was his whole body.

Damn, he hadn't been this sick in... well, ever.

His body shook with chills. There was a heaviness in his chest that had him turning his head to the side and choking out a hard cough.

Once he finally settled, that heaviness still there, he slowly let out a raspy breath.

Pudding.

He wanted pudding.

That was odd. He used to crave pudding as a child. Every time he got sick, he would request a pudding cup. And that's what he wanted right now.

Maybe he still had one in the fridge. He'd kept a few things there for Jee back when- Well, he had some kid foods that had been sitting in his fridge for a couple months now. Surely, the pudding would still be fine.

If only he could get out of bed.

He made a mental note to order a new mattress. This one had lasted him quite a few years, but he was definitely feeling the lumps today. It was hard and painful and poked into his back.

“God, this sucks,” he breathed out, blinking his bleary eyes open and... oh.

This wasn't right.

He wasn't at home. Wasn't in his bed.

And the heaviness in his chest was actually on his chest.

That's when the memories came flooding back to him. Going for a flight on his day off. Wanting to clear his head and get his thoughts in order.

He couldn't panic. He needed to maintain focus.

That was hard to do when his brain was all jumbled.

He remembered his phone was... somewhere.

Shirt pocket! That was it!

Carefully, and painfully, he reached up and pulled out the phone.

Miraculously, it was still in one piece. Besides a few cracks to the screen, it seemed to be working fine.

He stared at the screen. The default background that was once a picture of him and Evan.

It hurt to breathe. Hurt to think. He knew he probably didn't have that much time. Not with the way this heavy piece of metal pressed against his body.

So, with fuzzy eyes, Tommy went to his contacts, hovering his finger over the name before pressing down.

“Hello?”

“H- Hey. Long time, n- no talk.”

“Tommy? What's up? Are you okay?”

Tommy huffed out a laugh. “I... Well, that's a loaded question.”

“You sound weird. What's wrong?”

“I wanted to a- apologize to you.” With a grimace, he swallowed down what was definitely blood.

“For what?”

“For everything.”

There was a pause, then, “Did you do something stupid?”

“Not intentionally,” he deadpanned. “Listen, I- I kinda got into an accident and I...” his voice trailed off as he went into a coughing fit. The movement sent a pain shooting from his leg to his back. “Damn it!” he yelled.

“Tommy! Tommy, talk to me. What do you mean you got in an accident?”

“No, it- it doesn't matter. I just wanted t- to apologize for the way I left you.”

“You apologized for that years ago, Tommy. Tell me what happened so I-”

“Abby!” he exclaimed, the hunk of metal over him creaked as it lowered slightly. “I don't... I just need to apologize. I- you loved me, didn't you?”

“Yeah, I did. Car crash, or were you flying?”

“F- Flying. I loved you too. Not... Not the same though. Sorry.”

He could hear her mumbling something to someone else, then she was back on the line. “I'm calling 911 with Sam's phone. Stay on the line with me, Tommy. Are you in LA?”

“Mhm. Do- Don't think I made it far. Abby, listen, I didn't... I didn't mean to hurt you. I was so s- scared of- of everything.”

“Do you see anything around you? Any indicators for where you are? They're working on pinging your phone.”

When Tommy turned his head to the side, all he could see was trees. “Woods. I think. Can't see much. I was dating th- this guy.”

“Can you tell me where you're hurt? Are you bleeding anywhere?”

“Oh, for sure. But A- Abby, I didn't m- mean to hurt you.”

“Focus, please. Where are you bleeding?”

“Head. Leg. Mouth. Kinda e- everywhere. I was dating th- this guy,” Tommy sucked in a shaky breath, a rattling in his lungs. “Your guy, actually. O- Our guy?”

“Tommy, I think you're getting confused. I-”

“No, no. Evan. Buckley, Ev- Buck. Him.”

There was silence on the other end of the line.

“Hello?”

“No, I'm here. I- You're dating Buck?”

“Was dating Buck. I- I ended it. I'm c- cold.”

“Help is on the way, Tommy, just stay with me. You broke up with Buck. Why?”

“Remember wh- when we went to karaoke nights? Th- That was fun, wasn't it?”

Abby sighed. “It was, but that's not what we're talking about.”

“Wh- What was the song we us- used to sing?”

“You were a big Queen fan. I Want to Break Free. Shoulda known,” she mumbled.

Tommy laughed, but it quickly turned into a coughing fit, where blood bubbled up in his mouth.

“Tommy! Tommy, stay calm, okay. Turn your head a little so you don't choke.”

Tommy listened, spitting out the blood before he continued. “We should karaoke again.”

“I don't think that's gonna happen. Tell me about Buck.”

“Evan.” Tears filled in Tommy's eyes and he tried his hardest to blink them away. “We were t- together six months and it all f- fell apart.”

“Why?”

“He wanted... wanted me to move in. Can you b- believe that?”

“Yeah, actually, I can,” she answered. “Buck likes to attach and you're, well, attachable.”

“No. No, I'm not.”

“You haven't changed much, Tommy. You didn't seem to think you were worthy when we were together either.”

Tommy's eyebrows furrowed. Down his back he could feel the sensation of more blood dripping from his neck. “What d- do you mean?”

“The whole time we were together it felt like you were waiting for a bomb to drop.”

“That probably had to do with the whole being gay thing.”

“Mm,” she hummed. “Maybe. Don't think so though. Hang on a second.”

He looked up at the hunk of metal trapping him in place. “Nowhere to go.”

Tommy closed his eyes while he waited. He wasn't sure how much time passed, but the next thing he remembered, Abby was yelling in his ear. “-mmy! Tommy, talk to me!”

“Wha- I'm here, I'm here. God, you're l- loud.”

“And you're an ass. If I was there I'd smack you on the back of the head.”

���That would hurt,” he replied. “With the gaping wound an- and all the blood.”

“Back to Buck. Why'd you say no to moving in?”

“I own a home.”

“And?”

Tommy thought for a moment. “I- I wasn't enough for you, Abby. Couldn't be.”

“Mhm.”

“I hurt you. Didn't m- mean to, but I did. I saw- I saw it in your eyes, when I left, I... You loved me, and I couldn't... I'm sorry.”

“Is that why you left?” Abby asked. “You were afraid Buck would do the same thing to you?”

“I really...” he couldn't stop the tears now. His chest heaved in the little space it had left. “I really loved him, Abby, and I- I saw what I did to you and I couldn't. I just co- co- couldn't-”

“Okay, okay, Tommy, I need you to stay calm, okay? Listen, the dispatcher is telling me that the 118 is close to you. So you stay calm and you talk to me!”

“O- Okay.” He tried to calm his breathing the best he could, but the rattle persisted. He knew that didn't mean anything good. Each breath got a little harder, the blood continued to flow down his neck, and he was pretty sure something was sticking through his leg.

“Did you tell him how you felt?”

“He didn't... He never said it. That he loved me.”

“Did you?”

“No.”

“Maybe he was waiting on you. Did you think of that?”

“I think...” He just wanted to close his eyes. Nothing made sense, the cold feeling was fading, he was going numb. “I think I- I'm dying, Abby.”

“No! Listen to me, Tommy! They're close to you! I need you to make a noise. Let them know where you are. You hear me?! Call for help, Tommy.”

“Abb-”

“Call for help!”

Tommy groaned, more blood coming up in his throat. He managed to move one arm just enough for his hand to knock on the door of the chopper. “H- Here!” he yelled, banging on the door as hard as he could manage. “I- I'm here!”

Abby listened over the phone as the 118 arrived on scene. She could only make out bits and pieces.

“Tommy, can.... me? Talk to... There ya go! We got a...”

“What about the...”

“Hey. Hey, we're here, Tommy. Just focus on... and we'll get ya out, okay?”

“He's losing too... gotta get that off now!”

“Tommy, you look at me! We will... you just gotta promise me you'll... Promise?”

She waited, holding her breath until she heard his voice, just a touch above a whisper. “Promise.”

Things got quieter for a bit, then she heard voices again, so she yelled, “Hey! Hey, pick up the phone! Someone pick it up!”

“H- Hello?”

“Buck, is that you?”

“Yeah, Abby, it- it's me,” he answered, his voice practically shaking. “Maddie said y- you were on the line with him.”

“Is he...?”

“He's alive. We're following the ambulance to the hospital.”

“How bad?”

She could hear Buck sniffling through the line. “I don't know how he's alive, Abby,” he admitted, lip trembling. “It looks like this thing has been through a compactor.”

“And Tommy?”

"Has a gash on the back of the head, concussion, broken ribs, a pretty big piece of glass through his leg, definitely some internal bleeding. He... Chim says he should make it, but we- we barely got here in time. He might've... if he wasn't talking to you he probably...” He couldn't even bring himself to say the words.

“Hey, don't think about that now. He's gonna be fine. That's what matters.”

“Yeah.” Buck ran a hand over his eyes as he nodded. “Yeah, you're right.”

“I'll let you go, Buck, but let me know when he's stable, okay?”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Abby.”

“Of course. Oh, and Buck!” she quickly added before he could hangup.

“Yeah?”

“I know the guy pretty well. He loves you. He's just not great at being loved.”

“A- Abby-”

“Don't give up on him. He's worth it.” Before Buck could get in another word, she hung up.

*****

The next time Tommy opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed.

Evan was beside him, staring down at an empty cup in his hands. Tommy figured he must've sensed the staring, because soon enough Buck was meeting his eyes. “You're awake,” he said, eyebrows rising.

“I-” Tommy cleared his throat. “I think so, yeah.”

“There's been a couple wake ups that didn't quite stick,” Buck explained, standing to grab cup of water. He put the straw to Tommy's mouth and had him take a sip. “Slowly,” he instructed. “Don't want you choking.”

Tommy took a few sips, then settled back in the bed. “How long was I out for?”

“Almost four days.”

Tommy's eyes widened. “You.. You haven't been here the whole time?” he asked. “Have you?”

Buck nodded. “Three nurses have tried to drag me out of here. All have failed.”

Tommy hoped the monitor didn't show how fast his heart felt like it was beating. “Wh- Why? Why'd you stay?”

Buck smiled, wrapping his shaky hand around Tommy's. “A mutual friend of ours told me you were worth it,” he said, his eyes glistening with tears. “I just so happen to agree.”

[shecriestotheclickingoftime]

for the first time - 1.2k words

ex!Patrick Zweig x college!reader

you guys... i wrote something... and it ends abruptly but i felt like i'd rather post this and then post a follow-up later than keep this in the drafts for another 2 months...

inspired by "For The First Time" by Mac Demarco

based off of a request from a long time ago from @rayhalloffame but then i got inspired by the mac demarco song and lost the original plot- my sincerest apologies for that... (so so so sorry that this was so late and also that i lost the plot...)

basically patrick is your ex and you went off to college trying to forget about him, avoided him for a couple years, but this year you've brought back your new (shitty) boyfriend, taken him to your hometown bar, where patrick also happened to be.

tw! for drinking, also abrupt ending, also im not the best writer but i wanted to contribute something...

~~~~~~~~~~~

While she’s been away

Living day-to-day has been tough

Without her by my side

Simply being alive has been rough

And though she won’t be gone forever

There are many times I find it feels that way

And I’m not trying to forget her

Just understand how I’ll be feeling on that day

The bar was surprisingly packed, even for a Saturday night, and the overlapping conversations around him were so loud, it was hard for Patrick to even hear his own thoughts.

It was the weekend before thanksgiving, and it seemed that everyone was back in town for the holiday. Patrick recognized the faces of a lot of his old classmates from high school around him, but not you. 

He knew that you’d come back to town the past few years for the holidays, but he somehow never saw you out. He figured that you must’ve been avoiding him. You two hadn’t seen each other since the summer before you went off to college, the summer that you broke up with him.

He could remember it vividly: it was a hot July day, and you had told him to come over. You opened the door, looking like you had been crying for a while, having that closed-off look that Patrick hated. 

“I just… can’t go off to college with a boyfriend from back home. Long distance never works.”

Those exact words had been engraved in his mind since that day. Patrick Zweig had never been one for commitment, but something about you was different. Losing you had felt like losing part of himself. But he wanted you to do well in college, so he accepted it. And moved on.

Or, at least, he tried to. But even two and a half years later, things without you still didn’t feel right. Patrick felt pathetic; still stuck on some old childhood friend-turned-high school sweetheart that definitely wanted nothing to do with him. But, he still cared. 

So, here he was, standing next to his best friend Art, who had just come back from Stanford, in the middle of a loud, rowdy bar full of college kids. He already knew that you’d be avoiding him again this break, like you’d done for the past two years, but it didn’t sting any less to know that he’d go another year missing you, while you were off at college living your own life. 

Without her by my side

Simply being alive has been rough

It was right then that he saw you across the bar, standing in a group of girls that you’d been friends with back in high school, looking even more beautiful than the last time he saw you. 

You hadn’t noticed Patrick yet, and he was sure that when you did, you’d shut down and push him away again. You’d avoided him for so long, he was surprised that you two had even ended up in the same place. 

Next to you was some guy, standing stiffly and looking completely uninterested in whatever conversation you were having with your friends. It felt like a knife had just been shoved into Patrick’s stomach. He figured that you’d move on eventually, and he’s been with girls that he met on tour since he’d dated you anyways, but seeing you, with this boring, pretentious-looking guy felt unbearable. 

That “guy” was your boyfriend, of about 6 months now, that you’d finally brought home to meet your family. He was boring, and uninterested in the things that you liked, but he was stable, and seemed like a good option for you. So, you two had started dating. 

Everything with him was just… ok. He had a habit of talking down to you, making you feel dumb, and explaining things to you that you’d already known. He didn’t put much care into the relationship, he had never gotten you flowers or anything, but that’s just what guys are like, right? He treated you just fine, and you guys didn’t fight much, so it must be a good match. But something for you was just missing. 

He just… wasn’t Patrick. As much as you resisted admitting it to yourself, deep down you knew that you missed him. Which was basically why you had avoided him at all costs for the past two years, knowing that as soon as you’d start talking again, your progress of “moving on” would be completely wiped away. 

But now, the winter break of your junior year in college, you’d started to be less careful about avoiding the popular spots. Maybe it was just you being careless, or maybe you were hoping that you’d see him somewhere, at the bar, or the club, and have the “chance encounter” that’s been replaying in your daydreams since you started dating your current boyfriend. 

So, already on your third drink of the night, you couldn’t look away when you locked eyes with Patrick Zweig. God, he looked good. He’s gotten more toned from tour, and you’d forgotten just how tall he was. You could feel your boyfriend standing like a statue beside you, scrolling on his phone while your friend updated the group on all of the hometown gossip. But you couldn’t look away from Patrick. And he knew it.

Before you could fully process it, Patrick Zweig was there, standing in front of you. After two years. You wanted to roll your eyes at the smug look he was trying to keep pressed onto his face, but you could see the tenderness in his eyes as he looked at you. He looked so much… softer with you than he did with anyone else. You’d forgotten about that. 

Even your friends smiled when he joined the circle, standing across from you with an almost sheepish smile. Against all odds, they liked him as your boyfriend. At least more than they liked this stuck-up finance bro that you’d brought home this year. As your boyfriend, Patrick had almost become one of the girls, always joining in on a gossip sesh with you all as he held you on his lap, while this current guy acted like he was above that kind of “girly stuff”. 

And you just wanted to fall back into his arms. And god, he wanted that too.

But the idle chatter kept going, as you looked at the ground in silence. Your boyfriend didn’t pay any attention to your current state, he wasn’t paying attention to the conversation anyways. But Patrick did, he always did. 

“So… how have you been?” he asked, as you looked up hesitantly. And, at his voice, your boyfriend finally looked up from his phone. 

“She’s been good,” your boyfriend said, his face contorting into a bitter snarl. “I’m her boyfriend, by the way. Who are you?” he asked Patrick, his voice immediately sounding defensive.

The conversation passed by uncomfortable between them, as you dissociated from the scene before you. Your boyfriend sucked. You missed Patrick. And maybe it was wrong to break up over something like that, but in that moment, you just couldn’t care. 

Finishing your third drink, it all passed by in a blur. You pulled your boyfriend away for a second, ending that relationship before you did anything else. It was impulsive, and not your best moment, but honestly it needed to happen. 

And you ended up back with your friends, as your boyfriend ubered back to the hotel, talking and laughing with them, feeling at home for a moment. 

The rest of the night passed by in a blur, as you fell back into Patrick’s arms as the conversation with your friends continued, him laughing alone, his arms snaked around your waist from behind as you leaned against him, the haze of the bar finally feeling relaxing, instead of too loud or too chaotic. 

[kteezy997]

and btw could u maybe start an series with an assistant x Timothée ?

Beyond Business-part one//t.c.

Warnings: cursing, mention of alcohol and drug use

“Timothée, you have the power to end this, any time you want to, so why don’t you?” you asked, waking into his home with him.

“You don’t get it, okay? It’s more complicated than you know.” he grumbled, heading to the fridge, opening it up to grab a bottle of beer.

“Timmy you reek of alcohol, do you really think you need more?”

He gulped down some of the cold liquid, stopping to glare at you, “As if it’s any of your business. You’re not my mother, y/n, just go home.”

As harsh as he was, he was right, he was your boss, and you weren’t friends. Your concern could only go so far before it was too personal.

Neither of you said anything more, Timmy left the kitchen, you assumed he was headed to crash in his bedroom after nursing on the brown bottle.

You left his apartment, reflecting on the past year of your life as Timothée Chalamet’s personal assistant. As you drove home, you remembered how goofy and lively he was when you were first hired. Now, he was becoming a hollow shell of that man.

He had been in a relationship with Kylie Jenner for nearly a year before you met him. But as time went on, after spending time with him, you wondered to what extent the relationship was real, or if it could qualify as a relationship at all. It seemed, to you, more of a situation-ship.

For the last six months, you saw Timmy become more dependent on alcohol and weed to help his moods. These days he was working crazy hours, traveling all over promoting his latest film. He was skinnier than you had ever seen him, and he was obviously tired as well. You, along with other people in his life, were worried about him.

The bad thing is, he is a grown man and he is going to do what he wants. He cannot be controlled any more than any other adult. So, for the most part, you felt as if you were watching him destroy himself and you were powerless to stop it.

.......

Timmy was bright and early with his apology text the next morning.

"hey, I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have been such a dick to you. especially not you, you don't deserve that. Let's have a good day together, yeah?"

You knew that he did not have the energy to hire a new assistant if you were to ever quit. He needed you, you both knew that. So you answered just a moment later.

"Okay. Want coffee after I'm finished running errands this morning?"

"Yes please! Thank you." he texted back immediately.

A couple of hours later, you made it to Timmy's place after picking up his dry cleaning, some groceries, his mail, and two coffees, one for him and one for you. You let yourself in with your copy of his key.

As you carefully carried the armfuls of items, you saw him drying his hair with a towel in the living room. "Hey, let me help." he said, dropping the towel on one of the couches and hustling over to you.

"Thanks." you said, and together you set all of the bags and the coffees onto the kitchen island. Carefully, you lay his garment bag flat on the surface.

"No, thank you for doing all of this." Timmy insisted, taking his attention from the items on the counter to look in your eyes.

You felt like his green eyes were piercing into your soul. This was the real Timmy. He had showered and sobered up from the drunken night before. "Well, it is my job."

“I know, but I’m still really grateful for you. Not everyone would put up with me for as long as you have.” he smiled.

You returned a smile to him, then said, “I should get these groceries put away.” you grabbed one of the bags, “But go ahead and tell me what’s on the agenda for today.”

As you started taking items out of the grocery bag, he cleared his throat, saying, “Oh, um, I just got some calls to make, so if you’d go through and answer emails for now that’d be great. After you’re done in the kitchen of course, I mean, no rush.” Between his sentences, he was also unloading the bags.

“Okay.” you giggled at him trying to help you, “I can get this, Timmy, you go make your calls.”

"Yeah," he set down a can of coffee, "yeah, okay." He gave you a soft smile before turning to leave the kitchen.

To you, he seemed almost...nervous? The vibes with him were different today. Not bad, just different. You didn't know what was up with him, but it was not your place to pry.

.......

A little bit later, you sat at his dining room table, replying to his vast number of emails on his laptop. In between calls, he would look through a script and read over his business contracts.

It began to feel like a normal workday again. Every once in a while, you would ask him a question and he would answer you and vice versa. He was himself.

"Alright, thank you, bye." Timmy ended another phone call. He sighed; it had been hours since he started. You knew that he was exhausted from talking to people for the day.

You peaked up from the laptop screen, still expertly typing your email message. Timmy made his way over to you.

As you typed, you heard his footsteps coming closer, until he was right next to your chair. You hit 'send,' and went on to another email, as nonchalantly as you could.

He leaned down, his hands on the table, his arms caging you on either side. You stopped, turned your head slightly to look at him, your heart was beating so fast.

January 5, 2025

Happy New Year, guys! Let me know if you’re excited for this new story!❤️

@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss @lixzey @bitchyunknownuser @ducktapebar @aoi-targaryen @yukideadinside @elloise0 @thatoneweirdgirl17 @mel-vaz @sammy-halpert @iwishchalamet @that-one-fangirl69 @jindongdongie @briefkittenearthquake @imnotoverlyobsessive

[solar4seekstron]

I. Don’t. Care.

TFIDW!MTMTE!Yandere!Possessive!Drift x Cybertronian!GN!Reader x TFIDW!MTMTE!Yandere!Toxic!Ratchet

Content: 18+

TW/Tags: Toxic relationship, mention of Abuse, Shower scene, a few make out sessions, nonconsensual touching and action, Drift being a switch, Ratchet is pretty quiet and one note in this but he’ll do more near the end. He’s just the quiet type. Bit of manhandling, viewer discretion is advise, abuse, This is basically a dark fic so Ratchet and Drift act like their darkselves, Happy ending.

Notes: Reader is the same height as Drift and Ratchet. Shown a few times in the fic when two bots touch forhelms it means trust and respect. Can be for both romantic and platonic relationships. Drift is in his 2nd form for the lost light

You were a former Autobot Guard. You worked alongside Rodimus and Ultra Magnus in the Lost Light ship.

You once worked alongside Red Alert as well before his passing.

You were also the Conjunx of Drift and Ratchet. You three became a poly relationship after the two got together sometime after joining the Lost Light.

You’ve had a crush on them both for a good while.

But never made an effort to confess. Seen as only a good friend before. That was until one day when Ratchet and Drift appeared in front of your berth room.

Drift having a large grin on his dermas while Ratchet only had a smile when you greeted them. That was the night the two confessed and asked for your cervo to be their Conjunx. Taking you by surprise.

Honestly, you just thought the two were just straight-up gay. But guess they have a thing for neutral bots as well.

Since then they made sure to bond with you that very night. They were so gentle and sweet the entire time. Like as if you three have been together long before.

But you couldn’t help but have this feeling of dread. Like as if there was something else just sitting there the entire time.

Days went by since then. Things remained mostly the same and your spot alongside Ultra Magnus Rodimus. You took notice of the two though.

The way how Drift and Ratchet always seemed annoyed and upset whenever you had to go to work in the morning.

Sometimes the two even tried to take turns with getting you to take the day off and just spend time in the room. Either it be both or one of them.

Today was no different. Get yourself polished and ready for your day before making it for Rodimus, Ultra Magnus, and Springer's meeting.

You looked in the mirror of your shared berth room with the two.

Drift has already left to meet up with Cyclonus for sword training while Ratchet didn’t start his shift for another hour. You smiled as you checked out your frame before turning around to look at Ratchet.

His arms were crossed and a frown was plastered on his dermas like always.

You made your way closer to him before leaning down to gently hold his cheeks. You then spoke as he just stared at you. “I’ll be home before dinner. We can order your favorite dish at the bar you like on the ship.”

Your dermas soon touch his. The kiss sweet but his remained a little. Colder and Still. He’s returned it though. His cervos moved to hold the side of your waist while he held a firm grip.

The kiss lasted for a little while longer. When you chose to pull away, you were stopped when he kept his firm grip on your waist.

You kept trying to pull yourself free but instead, he wouldn’t budge.

You tried to brush it off with a chuckle. Your dermas only a couple of inches from his while his frown remained. He would keep staring at you.

“Ratchet I’ll be back before you know. And besides you know you’re allowed to visit.”

He continued to just stare at you. Before reluctantly letting you go. “I’ll see you later then. Then at home.”

Your smile remained once you gave him a small peck on the dermas once more. You then stood fully straight. Then make your way to the door before turning your helm and waving bye. Ratchet doing the same while remaining on his spot.

The door shut behind you. You let out a small. Breath that you’re sure he wouldn’t hear. “Phew. He’s getting worse every day.”

You started to walk to Rodimus and the others. Clocking in and greeting the others as you pass by. Rodimus was already waiting for you inside as he was holding a data pad and was speaking to Rodimus.

He would turn to you once Ultra Magnus walked away to speak to Springer.

Rodimus with his usual grin soon greeted you. “Hey! There’s my favorite bodyguard!”

You chuckled as you walked closer to stand by him. “How are the Mrs? Still cranky about you coming to work instead of staying home?”

He wrapped an arm around your shoulders as you responded. “He tried his best again this morning to keep me from coming in. He was more upset than he usually was before.”

Rodimus let out a chuckle. You both make your way to the meeting room.

”I don't understand those two. Drift is a part of my team and yet he gets upset when you come in two.

Honestly, he’s the same guy who asked for today off so he can spend the day having a date with Ratchet. At least I think that’s why.”

You were a bit confused and spoke.

“Strange, Ratchet never said anything about having a date with Drift today. More like just angry that I was leaving than a night with Drift. Or something.”

You and Rodimus looked at each other then shrugged. Once in the room, Rodimus took his seat. You stood next to him with cervos behind your back.

Another guard on the other side of Rodimus as the meeting soon starts.

But the meeting is instructed when the doors to the room open. The door faced toward Rodimus. Who now sat there confused when he saw Drift being the one to open the door. You looked confused as well.

Both you and Rodimus exchange looks before looking back at Drift.

Who made his way over as he spoke. His voice was stern. Something both you and Rodimus weren’t used to hearing.

Drift then asked for the guard on the other side of Rodimus's chair to move so that he may take the spot. The guard looking at Rodimus for permission.

Rodimus gave an unsure nod. The guard walks out of the room. Drift taking the guard's spot.

You stood there while the meeting commenced. During it, you noticed that at the corner of your optic. Drift was glancing at you. You’d then feel a pull in your spark. It’s Drifts.

The meeting lasted for a good while.

You and Drifts spark pulling at each other. He wanted you to look at him while you just wanted him to cut it out. After a couple of hours. The meeting was finally over.

You and Drift waited for Rodimus to stand. Both walked behind him as you made it out of the room. It wasn’t until Rodimus made it to his office.

With both you and Drift in. The door closed is when he finally spoke.

“Drift, what was that? You said you were taking the day off?”

Drift then spoke. “Apologies. I just had a change of Spark.”

You glanced at Rodimus who did the same to you. Then you both looked at him. You finally speaking.

”Drift that was a very important meeting. You can’t come and go as you please-“

”What makes you think you can speak to me like that? Ratchet said you thought about taking the day off. You’re never home and we barely see you.”

”Drift me and you have the same job. And Ratchet is a medic for the ship. Checking patience and most times he isn’t even off the clock since he’s the best on this ship.

I chose to come in because I owe Rodimus to keep working for him. And we’re old friends. You think he doesn’t miss me too?”

You bit back. Driftonly glared at you while Rodimus stood there quietly for a moment.

Rodimus then walked over to Drift and spoke to him.

“Buddy listen. I get it they’re your Conjunx but they have a job just like you. Why don’t you go back to your shared berth room and I’ll let them out early today, alright?”

Drift just stared at him before looking at you. You just stared back at him when he finally responded. “Fine..”

He walked over to you. Place a gentle cervo on your hip and place a soft kiss on the side of your helm. He then gently whispered “I’m sorry, sweetspark. I’ll see you at home.”

From there he walked away. Leaving you and Rodimus alone. You let out a soft sigh before turning toward Rodimus. Who was currently leaning against his desk.

He seemed like he had something on his mind. You then made your way over to him and bow your helm. “Sorry about that. I’m not sure why he did that.”

Rodimus remained still with his arms crossed. He just looked at you as you spoke. After you finish. He then spoke.

”Is everything alright back in the room? I never even Drift acted like this before. And I hope Ratchet isn’t treating to in such a way either. I’ve noticed they’ve been a bit more controlling when it comes to you.”

You just let out a sigh before you spoke with your voice softer and almost tired.

”They’ve been acting like this for a while. I’m not sure why it started but, every day becomes a bigger challenge more and more when all they do is argue with me.”

Rodimus's optics widen a bit before asking once more. “Would it be inappropriate if I ask…….?” You then responded.

“No, they haven’t been able to interface with me because they only end up ruining the moment by trying to make me quiet.

”Quite? That doesn’t sound like them. So they want you to be something like a housewife?” You let out a chuckle. “Yes. That….” You remained silent. You then looked at Rodimus with a more softer expression.

“We’re good friends, right? I can tell you anything?”

Rodimus's smile on his dermas grew a bit wider as he looked at you. “Well if you’re kind enough to listen to my troubles. I hope you can come to me to listen to your troubles.”

He said warmly. Your smile growing a bit. And so you continued.

“Honestly, it’s getting more and more hard to live with them. At times Ratchet seems to try to hold back from hitting me. And Drift is so controlling of what I do and eat. So when we’re in our berth room it’s hard to enjoy their affections.”

You sighed and rested your cervo against the desk. Rodimus stands fully straight from leaning against his desk.

His cervo was placed on your shoulder as he spoke.

”Y/N…Are you in danger?” You looked at him before speaking.

“I don’t believe so. But I….” You remained silent for a moment. “I’m…starting to fall out of love with the two. I. I don’t remember when it started. But I just can’t when I’m around them. I- I want to leave. It’s so miserable there.”

You teared up a little. Feeling yourself sad and shaking a little. Rodimus noticed, taking a step closer and giving you a gentle hug. His helm leaned down next to yours.

You soon return the hug. Crying softly into his shoulder. A few minutes went by until you both pulled away a little.

He then pressed his forhelm against yours. You both stared at each other before he spoke. “Whenever you’re ready or need anyone. My help. I’m just a comm call away. Alright?:”

You continued to smile. Giving him a nod. “Go ahead and continue your shift. I’ll let you know when you’re allowed to leave.”

You thanked him. Bowing your helm once more before making your way out of the room. The day carried on from there. But your spark still felt that pull. This time both Ratchet and Drift.

Unsure of what to say or do once you return.

———————————————————————————-

Before you knew it, your shift was over. Rodimus had let you out earlier. Wishing you a good day. It was just past 2.

You made your way over to your shared berth room. Your spark lets the two know you’re getting closer. As you opened the door, you had forced a smile on your dermas.

Ratchet and Drift were currently making out on the berth. Ratchet sitting on the berth while Drift was on his lap.

Basically in each other's arms. Their kisses filled the room. You ignored them. Locking the door behind yourself and making your way to the counter and washroom.

Putting your sword down. You then closed the door behind you. Getting in the shower to clear your mind. It always helps.

So, as you got started with in-between your frame, you started to think about Rodimus. Not letting it get through your spark so the others won’t know.

On the other side of the door, Ratchet and Drift finally pulled away from their heated kiss.

Drift held the side of Ratchet's helm while he smiled with almost a grin.

Ratchet looking more tired than happy. With a small smile though on his dermas.

The two then turned their helms toward the door for the shower. Then look back at each other. Drift places another passionate kiss. Whispering against the kiss as he stared down at him.

”Let me talk them them. And you go get reservations ready mm?”

Ratchet just nodded while his cervos gave Drift's waist a nice squeeze after gently rubbing them while kissing.

Drift then made his way off him. Standing up and walking over to the shower room.

You don’t hear him as you continue to think. There was a shower curtain between while your mind wandered. Still feeling the touch of Rodimus when he hugged you along with the other times you both were affectionate.

Before and after creating a relationship with Drift and Ratchet.

You continue as you rest your cervos against the wall along with your forhelm.

Optics closed. Even thinking about the good times you had with Drift and Ratchet before their actions and responses started to act differently.

You continued until you felt two arms wrap around you from behind.

You remained still and turned your helm towards the side to look at him. His helm was next to yours. Along with the front of his frame against the back of yours.

Your helm then resumed facing the wall while he spoke.

”I’m sorry for my behavior this morning sweetspark. I never meant to embarrass you.”

His cervo then gently held your chin making you turn your helm towards him like before. His smile is still there. “Won’t you face me sweet spark?”

You hold back a sigh. Slowly turning around as the shower oil falls behind him.

You then leaned your back against the wall. His cervos remain around your waist, keeping you close. His forhelm against yours while he kept smiling.

Your arms go around his arms and cervos holding the back of his shoulders. You both stare at each other before he starts another kiss.

This one is heated and passionate. His first kiss to you on the dermas of the day.

You hesitated, not really in the mood. But you know he’ll get mad at you if you don’t respond. And so, you returned the kiss. Trying to give the same passion in return to him. This continued for several minutes.

He soon forced his glossa past your dermas. The shower sounds out his moans and his cervos gripping the sides of your waist and back. Before moving to your aft.

He pressed you harder against the wall, his panel against yours. Trying to get some more action out of you. His cervos movin to under your things. Making them wrap around his waist once he picked you up.

Your back frame is still pressed against the wall. Your cervos moving to hold the side of his helm.

You know what he wants.

But while he continued you both then feel a very strong pull through both sparks from Ratchet. Drift pulled away a little and let out a chuckle. He then looks back at you.

”Someone’s getting jealous. I suppose he should get back to Mr. grumpy pants.”

Your fake smile is still there as you give him a nod. He gives another long and lustful kiss this time. Holding each other close until you both felt it was time to get out.

You both then walked out. His cervo holding yours after cleaning up.

Ratchet was ready for your date tonight. The three of you make your way to your favorite place to eat on the ship.

————————————————————————————-

You stayed quiet the entire time. The three of you sitting at a round and circled booth as you waited for your energon. Being between the two as they chatted.

Their cervos holding each other on the table.

Drifts other cervo holding yours under the table while Ratchet's own remained on the table. The two speak about possibly having a sparkling. And who will carry them.

You just started to zone out. Their weirds became white noise for you as you looked down. You could only let out a sigh before looking at Ratchet.

He was staring at you y the side of his optics while Drift continued. From there, ratchet finally spoke once more once Drift was finished.

“Maybe Y/N should be the carrier. They have the best frame to grow a sparkling and to have carry.” You just stared at him with wide optics.

Drift then let out a sad grown and spoke.

”Why not me?” Ratchet responded with a bit of an annoyed tone.

“Because if you didn’t get rid of those thighs then you would’ve been picked first to carry our sparkling. And besides my body isn’t that well functioned to create a sparkling in my spark chamber.”

Drift just grumbled while you looked back and forth at them. The two looking at you with a small mile. Drift's smile only grew wider than when he spoke.

“What do you say, my love?”

He brought your cervo up, still holding it. Bringing your cervo to his dermas. Speaking once more. “Would you like that, my dear? Be the carrier for both of your Conjunx? That will make us very happy.” He kissed the back of it. You just kept staring at him with optics that showed almost worry. Something Ratchet noticed.

”Sweetspark? Do you not like that idea?” Ratchet asked. Scooting a bit closer to you before speaking. You stumbled with your words.

You looked across the table. Looking at the exit the two stared at you.

You finally spoke. Your only way out. “I need to freshen up. I wasn’t able to fully before we left.” The two just stared at you for a moment.

Glancing at each other. Ratchet looked back at you. Reluctantly he scoots down the seat to give you a path. You got out and as you stood Ratchet grabbed your wrist and whispered.

“Don’t take too long. Our Energon will be ready.” You just gave him a nod.

He finally letting your cervo go.

You made your way to a room next door. A place for bots to freshen out and polish a bit. Like for dates and such. Once in you just stared in the mirror.

Rodimus words flowing in your mind. You take in a deep breath and walk out. Making your way towards the two. Both seem like they’re in deep conversation. That’s until they noticed you.

You decided to sit next to Drift where he’s in the middle. Before he can get out to let you get in the booth. He let out a soft chuckle before scooting closer to you and placing his cervo on your lower back.

Whispering into your audio sensors with a smile.

”Sweetspark, you’re always in the middle.” You glanced at him and spoke. All the while ratchet just watched. You responded.

”I just wish to sit here, sweetspark. Is that alright?” You forced another smile.

Drift just stared at you. His optics show he wishes to do and say something. But he’s holding back. The energon soon comes and is placed in front of you three. Drift takes the spot in the middle.

The dinner continued while you all ate in silence. From there young mind wondered.

Until you finally gained your courage. “Um. Ratchet. Drift. I’ve been thinking and I think now is a good time to…speak.”

The two just glanced at you before looking back at their food and seemed to not pay much mind. You continued. Your voice is soft and steady as you plan out your words as carefully as you can.

“Drift. Ratchet. I’ve loved all these years and times together but……I” Ratchet soon interrupted you.

”Come now Y/N. You’d be a great carrier for both our sparklings. And of course, Drift will carry my sparkling. You carry both of ours. The perfect balance. If you’re still unsure then we can talk about it back in the berth room.”

Drift nodded in agreement.

You just looked down at your food. Tired and unsure. And so, the dinner continued.

—————————————————————————————

After dinner. The three of you made your way to your shared berth room. Ratchet gripping you cervo while you just looked down.

Unsure while walking, your spark grows more and more nervous each moment.

Once upon return, Ratchet let both you and Drift step in first. Once the door closes behind him. His arms wrapped around your waist. Pressing a soft kiss on top of your shoulder.

Letting his helm remain next to yours as he looked down. His optics glance at you with a stare.

”You’re not trying to make us sad now, are you? Make us miserable or lonely. You love us don’t you?”

His voice was deep for a moment. He just stared at you a moment longer. You struggled to find your voice. Drift coming up to you.

His cervos holding the side of your helm and he leaned his own closer to yours.

”You love us. Don’t you sweetspark?”

You are trapped. And there’s no escape right now. So, swallow your fear. You finally opened your intake. Giving them a satisfied response.

“I do. I do love you both.” You remained silent. Drift and Ratchet continue to stare down at you. You then spoke once more.

“I just. You both have changed. Not as cheerful or calming as you both once were.” One of Drift's cervos on the side of your helm moved to hold your neck. Giving it a gentle squeeze.

This made you hold your glossa. He optics piercing. Ratchet is the one to speak next.

“Maybe if you didn’t think about other mechs and always leaving to work to be with him! Then we wouldn’t be so damn cruel.” Ratchet's arms gripped you tightly. You stumbled with your words.

“I-I don’t mean to. It’s just-“

”Just. What?” Ratchet spoke. Drift finally let his cervos off you. Walking over to the large berth and sitting down. Ratchet then turned you around by the shoulders, gripping your arms tightly.

Then keeping you close while his voice remained deep and stern.

”After we have our sparklings. You’ll realize, your place is with us. So get that damn bot out of your mind and thoughts. You took an oath to be faithful. So be it. You going to stop acting up?”

His helm is close to yours now. Right in your face.

You just stand there staring at him. What else can you even say? “Y-yes Ratchet. I’m sorry”

He remained silent for a moment. Drift has gotten into the birth. Energon cups ready for the both of you with his usual smile. Ratchet cervos moves to hold your hips and press his forhelm against yours. Pressing forward, forcing your forhelms to touch.

His spark giving you a lot of pressure. Ratchet gave you a small smile when you submitted. Releasing a deep chuckle.

“There’s my Sweeetspark. Why don’t we lay together…and think of sparkling names. Hm? Doesn’t that sound nice?” You just gave a nod.

His dermas connect with yours with soft passion.

Drift watching with glee as Ratchet tries to start a make-out session. You thought being the first to pull away.

”Let’s uh..lay down yeah?” Ratchet let out a deep chuckle. He guiding you to the berth with him. You of course being put in the middle. You decided to sit up.

Drinking your energon while Drift placed soft kisses on your shoulder.

Ratchet drinking his then lying down. Drift whispering into your audio sensors but loud enough for Ratchet to also hear.

”Well since we figured all that out. Why don’t why try to fix up the mood. Hm?”

He spoke, his cervo moving to your thigh, then just over your panel. Ratchet just rolled his optics. You turned your helm to him a little.

About to speak but he was fast to beat you to it. Placing his dermas on yours while his cervo started to rub against your panel.

You kiss unsure, Drift doesn’t seem to care. His cervos gently pushed you back into the berth while he continued. Ratchet looked at you both before turning his frame to face you both.

Your frame started to panic when you heard Drift's panel click. You thought fast.

Pulling away from the kiss. Your cervos gently presses against Drift's shoulders. He seemed to be upset as he stared down at you. “I’m..really tired tonight. Maybe another time. Once my attitude gets better?”

Drift just stared at you. Before letting out a deep chuckle. “I suppose you have a point my dear…sleep well my love.”

He layed on his side of the berth. Lying on his back. A grin on his dermas while his optics closed. You remained on your back. You glance at Drift before looking at the ceiling.

Ratchet returned to his back. His arm making its way under you and bringing you closer.

Soon making you lay on your side. Your cheek on his shoulder. His arm around your waist. He then whispered. His voice is both low and threatening.

“You’re quitting your job tomorrow. Or else.”

His optics glared down at you. You just stared at him before looking down You remained quiet. Then looked away closing your optics.

Feeling his cervo press into your stomach. You both fall asleep in silence. At least. The two did.

——————————————————————————————

It was late at night. Still in Ratchet's arm. Only switching positions. You were still on your side while Ratchet was on his side then. Both arms are wrapped around your waist.

Drift on his side behind you with both arms around both you and Ratchet as much as he can.

Are you still awake. Very slowly, you move your frame to sit up. Make sure to move Drifts and Ratchet arms off you. Sliding up. Be as careful as you can. Falling off the berth with a small thud.

You checked. Seeing the two haven’t woken up. The two initiatively cuddled each other while letting out soft hums.

Slowly you stood up and made your way to the door. Your frame shaking a little. Just as your cervo was about to reach for buttons to the door.

You felt a hard pull in your spark. Causing you some pain. Looking behind you, you say Ratchet sitting up. Drift still fast sleep.

You slowly walked back. Knowing he’ll get more mad if you don’t. You felt your frame struggling to stop shaking from fear.

Once in front of him, you just looked down. Ratchet gently patting his thigh. Telling you to sit on his lap. Slowly you moved your legs over his. Take your place on his lap. Your knees against the berth.

You looked down at him. While his optics stared up at you with a dim light in his optics. His cervos placed their selves on your hips. Having a very firm and tight grip keeps you very close. He would whisper in a deep voice.

“We both know Drift is out like a light right now. So tell me. Why were you about to leave?”

You stumbled with your words. “I-I just. The idea of having sparkling scared me. We don’t even. Have our own house or more than one room!” You whispered in a hushed tone.

He then spoke to you once more. “Well…that’s an understandable reason I suppose. But. You should come to me first. I am a doctor….Why don’t we go to the shower room? We don’t wish to wake up Drift now do we?”

You just nodded. Getting off his lap slowly. His cervo holding your wrist and guiding you to the shower center in the room. The door closed behind him.

“Sit on the counter.” You do so. Your back towards the mirror. Ratchet made sure the door was locked. Soon standing in between your legs. Cervos on your thighs.

”Now Y/N, what will you do tomorrow when you wake up?” You just stare at him before responding. “G-give my notice t-that I’m Q-q-quitting.”

He responded with a smile. “Good. And what will you do after that?”

”Carry….carry both your and Drift sparklings. Become a carrier to both sparkling f-for the rest of my life alongside you and Drift.” One of his cervos gently held your chin.

The grip is very strong. “I’m sorry if I scared you sweetsaprk. I just can’t imagine a life without you. A life without both you and Drift. You both belong to me. You’d never break my spark, right?”

Slowly you shook your helm. You finally spoke while staring down at him. “Ratchet please-“ Silence.

Your words paused. Before you can process, you realize your helm was turned to the side. Your optics were wide while ratchet remained still. But Ratchet then grabbed you by your arms pulls you off the counter.

Turning around and slams you against the wall behind him. You both still facing each other,

You then felt his frame press harshly against your own. You finally feel the slap on your cheek. Ratchets are all in your face now. An angry expression covered over his own. His tone was rough and hush.

”You think you’re slick? Thinking you can just go around doing as you wish without my knowledge…..” Your helm was turned to the side while he spoke, optics shut tightly. Trying to not cry.

“Try to do this one more time. And you’ll deeply regret it. I say what goes. So be more like Drift and go to sleep. And sleep.”

Your frame continued to shake. Waiting for Ratchet to just do whatever he needed to do next. Flinching when you felt him press the front of his helm to your sigh.

“I’m sorry my sweetspark. I get so mad so easily. Why don’t we go la down more before it gets later. After all, you’ll be a stay-at-home carrier.” His cervos have moved to hold your waist. Pulling you closer.

Placing a soft kiss on your sheet and neck.

He then pulled you with him back to the berth. Drift is still peacefully asleep.

You now facing Drift. Ratchet hugging you from behind with a small smile. Small tears fall from your optics. Struggling to keep them in the entire time. The hours went by. And the tears never stopped.

—————————————————————————

That very morning you pretended to be asleep. Drift got up before you and Ratchet like every other morning. You took this chance when you watched him get in the shower.

With ambition on your mind. You made your way out of Ratchet's arms. But his arm squeezed tightly around you.

His dermas close to your audio sensors as he asked. “And where are you going?”

“I…wish to shower with my other Conjunx of course. I-is that alright?” You turned your helm towards his. He just stared at you before nodding.

You made your way out of the berth. Ratchet going back to sleep. You made your way to Drift. Glancing behind you to see Ratchet optics closed. You then had the craziest idea pop into your helm.

This can be your one chance…You looked back at Ratchet. He was soon snoring.

He was always too tired for anything. So with a shaky break, you quietly made your way to the door. You might never get this chance again.

And so, all in one fast motion. You quickly opened the door. And Ran.

Running down the hall past some bots before transforming. Soon feeling a very heavy pull in your spark. It was from Ratchet. You ignored the pain the best you could.

Soon calling Rodimus, who of course sounded cheerful. “Hey! What’s u-“

”Rodimus, please! I need your help! Ratchet and Drift are trying to keep me home and things are getting worse! Just- Just please I need your help!” You interrupt him in a panic. You then feel another heavy pull rom Drift now.

”Alright alright, where are you now?” he asked with worry.

”I’m headed your way. Please if you can help me get away I’ll forever be in your dept!” You were so close now. Rodimus then responded. “Don’t worry, me and Ultra Magnus will keep you safe! Just stay on the call with me!”

You responded. “Ok ok.”

You were got to the doors. Transforming and getting inside. The guards didn’t stop you. Rodimus having told Ultra Magnus to let the guards know.

Once inside Rodimus made his way out of the long hall and hugged you once you got close enough.

Ultra Magnus is there to help comfort you. The two worried since you.

Sounded panicked over the comm. Rodimus kept holding you and asked what happened.

You responded, still in a bit of a panic. “Ratchet. He wants me to quit my job. Last night he hit me and slammed me against the wall when I tried to leave.

They..they want to sparkling trap me and keep me locked up..” You cried in Rodimus's chest.

His cervo rubbed your back while Ultra Magnus informed the others. Rodimus then walked you to his quarters next to his office. You two then heard Drift and Ratchet at the front doors while the guards kept the two back.

Their pull to your bonds getting harder to ignore.

Ratchets' voice booming for you to look at him while you and Rodimus kept walking.

Your frame shaking. Rodimus trying his best to comfort you the best he can. Once he closed the door. He held you as you broke your bond with the two. Causing you much pain. Once the pain was fading.

Rodimus ticked by your side for the rest of the day.

Both Ratchet and Drift are being dealt with.

————————————————————————-

A few months passed since then. Drift and ratchet were sent back to Cybertron for your safety. Everything that happened was kept secret.

Rodimus made sure to give you a room close to his own so he’ll check up on you.

You continued to work for him. You both even grab lunch at times.

Eventually, you felt yourself become more and more safer with the ship and Rodimus. Your old feelings from before everything happened.

Where now coming back to you. Do you mind only having been racing since.

You were unsure if Rodimus even felt the same for you. You start to remind yourself how he’s the leader of an entire ship. He’s either not interested or is seeing someone else.

Trying to get the thoughts out of your mind.

That is, until one day while you were on your shift. Rodimus seemed to be speaking to a purple femme. Those two seem to be close. Never seen or met her before.

You remained still, staring forward when the two walked out together.

The two departed as they both smiled at each other. You glanced but looked away when Rodimus turned to you while the femme walked away.

Rodimus noticed you looking. Casually taking a step towards you as his cervos go behind his back.

You kept looking forward. Your mouthguard is on as your optics look forward.

Rodimus stood next to you, silence between you both for a moment before he finally spoke. “It appears it’s time to start our lunch?” You looked at him before closing your optics, then nodding.

Rodimus's smile grew a bit larger. He then opened his office door, gesturing for you to enter. “Let’s try a different spot this time. Shall we?”

You were a bit surprised but just nodded. Walking in. Take just a few steps in when you hear Rodimus's door closing. He walked behind you.

Placing his cervos on your hips as he spoke next to your audio sensors. “I see you watching me while speaking to that femme. Jealous?”

He teased. You let out a small sigh before responding. Turning your helm a little to look at him. “I just had no idea you had a Conjunx. Curious was all.”

He let out a deep chuckle. Moved to step in front of you as he spoke. “That femme is my oldest friend. And she’s Skids Conjunx.” You were surprised. “Oh.” You said surprised.

He continues to smile down at you. His cervos holding your chin to make you look at him after you just looked down. You stared at him as he spoke once more. “Come on, let's have some energon. Shall we?”

He walked to his desk. You soon follow behind. Having a nice lunch together, for the day.

Tags: @acceptme33

I got a little too into this BUT MAN WAS IT WORTH IT UGH!!!!!! I hope you guys were able to enjoy this. I didnt feel like making a sad ending with this one.

As always a repost is appreciated and i hope to you guys in the comments and the next one!

[bruhnze]

Personal Records - Chapter 7

Summary: AU about Lucy being a personal trainer and Ona being a realestate agant. Chapters before this one: Personal Records Masterlist

Warnings: hurt/comfort - fluff

Wordcount: 5k

She took a deep breath in and out, and looked at her phone. A couple of texts from Ona.

’Do you know how late you’ll be home’ – being the last one of the bunch.

She looked at the time, more then an hour later then she’d normally be home on a Wednesday.

Wednesday was the day Ona had chosen to work from home, a thing she’d been trying since a couple of months. It was nice, Ona could take the boys to and from school, and they’d eat at home during their lunchbreak. Lucy did this on Monday, but she didn’t work from home then, she just drove a bit more that day. But it was worth it to spend a little more time with her kids.

She gathered her bag, her coat, the thermos cup from this morning and the empty bottle of water and got out of the car.

Quietly she got inside, setting her shoes where they belonged, putting her coat where it belonged. She walked further into the house. The sight of Lucas sitting at the breakfast bar with her wife brought a smile to her face.

‘’Hi guys,’’ she said, setting her bag down to be dealt with later.

Ona turned around, and looked at Lucy curiously, tough she didn’t question her, ‘’hi love.’’

‘’Mommy!’’ Lucas flew off the stool, - a bit too quick for Lucy’s liking, as he almost hit his head to the counter, - and launched himself against her legs.

‘’Hello my clever boy, what are you and mamá working on?’’ she asked, putting her cup and bottle on the kitchen before picking Lucas up from the ground and giving him a peck on the cheek as she walked with him to where he had been sitting.

She set him back on the stool.

Lucas eagerly started explaining that they had been working on the homework he had gotten today. Lucy smiled as he showed her, she found it ridiculous that a four year old had homework already, but Lucas loved it. Oliver had homework, so he wanted it too. She was curious how long this excitement about doing schoolwork at home would stay, but they’d embrace it for how long it lasted.

‘’Ahhh, so you have traced all the letters of the alphabet?’’ Lucy asked.

Lucas turned around and nodded at her, ‘’only,’’ he looked as his fingers and wonkily held three up, ‘’ics, i grega and zeta are left, so not done yet.’’  

"Wow, it seems like you’ve been paying close attention in class," Lucy said as she leaned in to kiss the top of Lucas’s head. He had already turned back, busy repositioning the pencil in the grip he had learned at school.

Then she turned to Ona, and leaned in to give her a peck on the mouth.

It didn’t feel like Ona fully reciprocated, but Lucy guessed it was fair enough since she’d some explaining to do.

‘’Where is Ollie?’’ she asked.

Ona tilted her head, ‘’Ollie is playing at a friends house, they’ll bring him home tonight after dinner.. I texted you about that.’’

‘’Oh, right.. I hadn’t.. you’re right I just read that actually,’’ Lucy scratched her neck, walking back to the kitchen to put her cup in the dishwasher. It was one of Ona’s annoyances if she left her dirty dishes out. ‘’do we have plans for dinner or should I-

‘’Did you have a busy day at work?’’ Ona asked raising her eyebrows, she smiled at Lucy.

Lucy shook her head, ‘’no, I uh, left early today actually.’’ She said looking in to the dishwasher.

‘’Oh?’’ Ona laughed surprised, waiting for Lucy to explain further.

‘’Done!’’ Lucas said loudly, dropping her pencil down and holding the paper up.

‘’Perfect, you go and put that in your bag for tomorrow,’’ Ona said, helping him on to the ground. Now that Lucas wasn’t sitting on the high chair anymore she could move again too.

Lucy was pouring herself a glass of water as Ona came up to her. ‘’Are you okay?’’ she asked dryly.

Lucy looked up at her, she studied Ona’s face and smiled, ‘’I went to see a therapist.’’

‘’Oh?’’ Ona said surprised, tough this time it wasn’t with a laugh, ‘’did it.. uh.. why..’’ it stayed silent for a couple moments, ‘’I thought you hated those?’’

‘’I do,’’ Lucy nodded as a breathy laugh escaped her, ‘’but it was good, I uh, made the right decision in going I think and..’’ she turned slightly so her body was facing Ona’s, ‘’I think I’ll go a couple more times.’’

Ona nodded, ‘’well you know how I feel about talking to a professional.’’ She smiled as she took Lucy’s hand, ‘’I’m proud of you.’’

‘’Mhm,’’ Lucy brought Ona’s hand to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to her hand before pulling her in. ‘’sometimes I have to listen to you more.’’

Ona smirked, tilting her head, ‘’only sometimes?’’ she teased.

Lucy rolled her eyes, her hands moving down to pinch Ona’s sides, ‘’I love you.’’

Ona’s face screwed up as Lucy didn’t tease her back, ‘’will you tell me what it was about?’’

Lucy nodded.

‘’-I’m hungry’’ a whiny voice cut through their moment.

Lucy and Ona turned to look at Lucas. Lucy looked at her watch; almost seven thirty. ‘’it’s not dinner time yet.’’ She said sympathetically, ‘’but you can eat some fruit if you want?’’

Lucas shook his head, looking at his moms offended as he did so, his nose crinkling.

‘’We’ve got strawberry’s,’’ Ona joined in, ‘’or pineapple, you love pineapple’’

‘’I already had fruit.’’ Lucas crossed his arms, ‘’no fruita.’’

‘’What are you suggesting then?’’ Lucy chuckled.

Lucas looked up with a cheeky smile, ‘’ice cream.’’

Ona and Lucy looked at eachother trying not to laugh.

‘’ice cream?’’ Lucy repeated.

Lucas nodded as he walked to the fridge, ‘’is in here.’’ He pointed at the bottom door of the fridge. ‘’Només una bola.’’ He held up his hand with his other hand as he put his pointer finger up, ‘’una.. please.’’ He added as he saw no progress at his moms’ side.

Lucy and Ona shook their head, Lucas knew they stood no chance against him. He was just way too cute.

‘’What would you say about fruit and ice cream?’’ Lucy said, pretending to herself and Ona that they still had a bit of saying in all of this.

Lucas moved from one foot to another as he thought about it.

Ona and Lucy waited curiously, already amused by what his next move would be.

‘’But..’’ he started, then he looked up at his moms as he seemingly thought of something brilliant, ‘’maybe my belly would be too full for sopar.’’ He said, clearly smug with himself.

‘’Ohh, well maybe we should wait on dinner then?’’ Ona said.

Lucas shook his head, ready to explain himself. ‘’No, mamá.’’ He looked down, ‘’fruit is big, and ice cream is only a small space.. so I can eat dinner and ice cream.’’

Lucy laughed, ‘’do we even have ice cream?’’

‘’Yes,’’ both Ona and Lucas said at the same time.

Lucy didn’t know why, but it brought a warm feeling to her heart.

‘’Okay,’’ she walked up to the fridge, ‘’so what you’re saying is you just need a small scoop of ice cream and then you will eat all of your dinner tonight too.’’

Lucas stepped aside for his mom to get the ice cream.

‘’Not very small,’’ he said, looking at the fridge drawer, ‘’this one.’’ He pointed at the ice cream Ona loved. Gelat de Màlaga. Horrible choice, she couldn’t understand why anyone would ever voluntarily eat it, let alone it was anyone's favorite.. but here Ona and Lucas where. Preferring it every time.

But instead of the usual disgust by the choice, she smiled as got the tub out. The boys both had stuff in common with Ona.. she thought back to what the therapist and her had discussed.

Ona had set a small bowl and a plastic spoon on the counter, and Lucy scooped in some ice cream for him.

‘’Not too much, he already had a merienda too.’’ Ona said.

‘’Ohh, what did he have?’’ Lucy said, closing the lid and giving Ona the spoon she’d scooped the ice cream with, having left a bunch on it on purpose.

‘’Bocadillo,’’ Ona hummed as she took the spoonful in her mouth, ‘’hmm.’’

‘’Here you go, silly,’’ Lucy said, giving the bowl to her son, ‘’eating ice cream in the winter.’’ She shook her head laughingly.

‘’autumn.’’ Lucas said as he eagerly took the bowl.

Lucy shook her head at his know-it-all attitude. Though she didn’t say anything as he was correct, after all. ‘’Careful with eating that,’’ she called after him, ‘’try not to spill.’’

She placed the tub of ice cream back in the freezer and turned back to Ona, ‘’you bunch are crazy.’’

‘’Is this about the ice cream flavor again or the fact we’re eating it in pre-winter.’’ Ona joked.

‘’Yes.’’ Lucy joked back.

‘’For dinner I was thinking pasta.’’ Ona said.

Lucy nodded, ‘’perfect, shall I cook or do you want to do it?’’

‘’It’s still early,’’ Ona said gently as she closed the gap between them, ‘’do you maybe want to talk first?’’

Lucy glanced over at Lucas, who was sitting on his knees at the coffee table. ‘’I’ll put the tv on for him.’’

Ona nodded.

Lucy plopped down on the couch next to Ona, in the main living room. Though they were still within view of Lucas, they were far enough to be out of earshot.

‘’Come here.’’ Lucy said, opening her arms up to Ona as she shifted.

Ona went to lay on top of her, shifting until they where both comfy.

‘’Hmm,’’ Lucy hummed as she closed her arms tightly around Ona, taking a second to enjoy the embrace, ‘’I’ve missed you today.’’

Ona stayed silent, though her thumb soothed the skin of Lucy’s side below her shirt in a sign of compassion.

‘’So I, uh, I made an appointment with.. a psychologist..’’ Lucy started, looking up at the ceiling, ‘’I made the appointment after you.. after we..’’

‘’You don’t have to say it,’’ Ona whispered against Lucy’s chest, ‘’I know.’’

‘’I should be able to say it,’’ Lucy said unsteadily, ‘’I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to talk about my feelings, sorry.’’

Ona pulled her hand from under Lucy's shirt, shifted upwards, and gently cupped Lucy's face, meeting her gaze. "You don’t have to apologize for trying your best," she said softly.

‘’Well, what you asked.. uhm.. mentioned,’’ Lucy bit her lip as she looked away from Ona, ‘’I want to start by saying that I’m all for it, I’m very exited and ever since you mentioned it I’ve been imagining our family with.. another.. little one.’’

Ona nodded, stroking Lucy’s cheek with her thumb. Brushing the tears away. 

‘’I just felt this.. uhm.. I uh..’’ Lucy licked her lips frustrated, she remembered what she’d discussed with the therapist. ‘’There’s two things.. I-‘’ she looked back at Ona, meeting her eyes. Her sympathetic eyes. That beautiful face. Her wife. 

‘’I love you so much, you must understand that,’’ she said.

Ona nodded.

‘’And it will sound selfish and there’s so many layer to it… but these are feelings that I’m having too.. and I need to talk about it.’’ Lucy said thoughtfully.

Ona leaned in to kiss Lucy’s cheek, ‘’you’re so strong my love,’’ she whispered, ‘’your feelings are valid no matter how selfish they seem.. it’s..’’ her eyes started to water too, ‘’we… you.. have experienced a loss... it was.. it is a grieving process.. Luce, I-‘’ she bit her lip.. what more could she add to this.

Lucy shifted, guiding them to lie on their sides, still holding each other. But now, facing one another, it felt even more intimate. She cupped Ona’s cheek and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

They looked in to each others eyes as they let the silence linger.

‘’Two things,’’ Lucy whispered after her breath had steadied again.

Ona nodded.

‘’the realization of the fact that I’ll.. nev-,‘’ a whimper cut through her words, it felt as if there was a lump in her throat making it hard to talk.

‘’I know,’’ Ona whispered, shifting to tuck Lucy’s head into her neck, she rubbed Lucy’s shocking shoulders, ‘’I know,’’ she repeated, ‘’let it all out mi vida. You don’t have to say it, I know.’’

Lucy sobbed quietly into the nape of Ona’s neck, thick tears leaving her eyes as her mouth twitched in grief.

It took a couple of moments before she could calm down again, she took a couple of deep breaths. ‘’The sEconD,’’ she cleared her throat against Ona and sniffed her nose. God, if it wasn’t for the fact they’d been married this long she’d be worried about being perceived as gross. Though, Ona would probably wave that off immediately, especially now. There was no other human being on the planet that Lucy felt more comfortable around then Ona. But she liked to stay a bit attractive to her.

‘’The second,’’ Lucy tried again, whispering softly, ‘’the second thing is… that… the baby..’’ she swallowed hard, ‘’would be yours… and you’d carry it.. and it’d be a half sibling to it’s brothers.. and’’ she leaned back to meet Ona’s gaze, ‘’you have such a good bond with-.. you.. you.’’

Ona shook her head softly, tears rolling down her cheeks.

‘’It doesn’t have to be m-‘’

Lucy shook her head, ‘’it should be, I want it to be.’’

‘’We still have y-‘’

Lucy took Ona’s face in her hands carefully, ‘’do you have a good connection with our sons? Did you.. have you ever felt like..?’’ she didn’t know how to even finish that question.

Ona smiled at her, ‘’having a good bond with them isn’t only about sharing blood with them.. dna.’’ She said softly, ‘’sure I have thought about it, what if something happens between us and..’’ Lucy’s face screwed up at those words, making Ona chuckle, ‘’what if,’’ she repeated, though she couldn’t finish what she wanted to say.

Lucy crinkled her nose, interrupting her, ‘’won’t happen.’’

"See, this is why it doesn't matter whether they're your blood or mine," Ona said, gently tracing Lucy's nose. "I love our little versions of you. I see so much of you in them... and all it fills me with is love, because I love you more than anything."

Tears welled up in Lucy’s eyes again. God, this had to be one of the most romantic things Ona had said to her. Lucy leaned in to kiss her.

‘’Yuck,’’ Lucy said in disgust, pulling away just as quickly as she’d leaned in. ‘’really don’t know how you got him hooked on that god awful ice cream.’’

Ona could only chuckle, ‘’see, you can learn the kid everything you want, not everything is passed through genetics.’’

‘’Wise woman,’’ Lucy smiled, leaning in again.

‘’Thought you hated the taste,’’ Ona murmured against her lips.

‘’Love you more then I hate gelat de Màlaga.’’ Lucy murmured back.

Ona chuckled between kisses, ‘’so romantic.’’

After breaking the kiss they stayed there for a while, just holding eachother. Both digesting the conversation they’d just had.

After a while the sound of small feet pattering against the floor caught Lucy’s attention, her ears perking for any signs of things being not alright with Lucas, but she assumed it was just him coming to ask something.

Sure enough, seconds later, Lucas stood next to the couch.

Lucy and Ona shifted to be able to look at him, though they kept cuddling.

‘’The video ended,’’ Lucas announced.

‘’Oh,’’ Lucy shifted, trying to get her phone from her pocket, ‘’should I put something new on the tv?’’

Lucas leaned in to look at the Netflix screen on his moms phone.

‘’This one?’’ Lucy asked, hovering above a series about cars that she knew Lucas had watched before.

Lucas looked at her, though he seemed to think about something else then what he was going to be watching next.

‘’Sad?’’ he asked, his eyes moving from his one mom to his other.

Lucy smiled and reached to the coffee table to lie her phone down, ‘’mamá and I where a little bit sad, yes.’’ She said, taking the boys’ small hand in hers.

‘’Nightmare?’’ he asked sympathetically, ‘’when you have a nightmare you sometimes have to cry because you are scared and then you get sad.’’

Ona smiled at her wife as they turned to look at eachother.

‘’Yes, that’s right,’’ Ona said, ‘’if you have a scary nightmare sometimes you have to cry, but mom and I didn’t have a nightmare.’’ She said softly.

The boy tilted his head, thinking for a couple of seconds before he smiled. ‘’hug?’’

Lucy grinned, relieved at how easily they seemed to have gotten through this, and lifted Lucas to lie between them.

"n abrazo hace todo mejor," Lucas said, wrapping his arms around both his moms' heads.

Lucy pulled him close, wrapping her arm around both her son and wife. "Mhm, a hug makes everything better," she repeated, smiling.

…

The rest of the afternoon and evening passed smoothly. Lucy made pasta for dinner, and Lucas sat beside her and Ona, chattering animatedly about his latest obsession. Oliver returned from his playdate in high spirits, just as they were finishing eating.

Later, the four of them went for a walk with Nela, their dog. The boys raced ahead, their laughter echoing through the quiet estate as Nela tugged at her leash, eager to join them.

Bedtime had become routine—perfect, even—for the past couple of weeks. Lucy read Oliver a story while Ona tucked Lucas in, listening as he rambled on about whatever crossed his mind. Lucy cherished this balance, the way they alternated spending bedtime with the boys. They’d switch kids each night if they were both home, a rhythm that felt just right. Lucy hoped Oliver wouldn’t start wanting to stay up later than Lucas anytime soon; things were good as they were.

Once the boys were asleep, Lucy headed downstairs. Ona had insisted she take a shower, and Lucy had already showered at work, so she used the time to tidy up the living room and kitchen.

When Ona still hadn’t come down, Lucy lit a few candles, set out snacks—ice cream for Ona, chocolate chip cookies for herself (though she knew Ona would steal a few)—and made two steaming cups of tea. She plopped onto the couch and paused the TV on the series they were currently into, waiting for Ona to join her.

A few moments later, Ona appeared, her robe tied loosely at the waist, her damp hair brushing her shoulders.

Lucy glanced up, smiling as Ona walked into the room. “Good shower?”

Ona nodded, her gaze sweeping over the room.

“You cleaned up,” she said, her lips curving into a smile as she circled the couch and settled herself comfortably on Lucy’s lap.

Lucy nodded, wrapping her arms around Ona’s waist. “And I got snacks out, made you a cuppa.”

“Mmm, you’re the best,” Ona murmured, burying her face in Lucy’s neck.

Lucy chuckled, her hand moving to soothe Ona’s back through the fluffy fabric of her robe. “Tired?”

“Mhm,” Ona hummed. “You?”

“A bit,” Lucy admitted thoughtfully. “But it was a good day.”

Ona sighed softly, leaning further into Lucy’s shoulder. “Yeah, I think so too.”

Lucy ran her fingers gently through Ona’s damp hair. “..and? ..are we doing it?”

Ona tilted her head to look up at her wife. “It’s a big decision.”

“It is,” Lucy agreed, her voice steady but thoughtful. “But I keep thinking about all the good things. Like, we’ve got that spare room upstairs, it’s just a playroom now.. it could be a nursery easily. The cars all have a empty seat left if we put Nela in the back like she’s supposed to be. We wouldn’t even need to upgrade anything major.”

Ona chuckled. “You’re already thinking logistics.”

“Of course… but not just that.” Lucy’s tone softened, and her hands settled on Ona’s waist. “I was also thinking about how amazing Ollie and Lucas would be with a little sibling. I can already see Oliver being the protective big brother and Lucas wanting to teach it everything he knows.”

Ona’s expression softened, her eyes glimmering. “They’d be good with a baby.”

“They would,” Lucy said confidently. “And… there’s always the chance it could be a girl.”

Ona’s cheeks turned pink, and she looked away, biting her lip. “That’s not the most important thing, you know.”

“I know,” Lucy said gently. “I just… I know you’ve always dreamed of a daughter. But of course, it being healthy is what matters the most.”

Ona nodded. “Mhm. But yeah, it would be cute… she’d have two big brothers.”

Lucy smiled, leaning in to kiss Ona’s temple, her voice dropping to a soft murmur. “You know what else I thought about?”

“What?” Ona asked, her lips curving faintly in anticipation.

“You,” Lucy said simply. “How you look when you’re pregnant. You’re always beautiful, Ona, but when you were carrying the boys…” She trailed off, her gaze warm and adoring. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you… the glow, your cute baby bump.”

Ona buried her face in Lucy’s neck, her ears turning red. Lucy smiled at her reaction. Ona had been the same way during her pregnancies—always shy about the compliments. Lucy found it adorable.

“You’re just saying that,” Ona mumbled.

“I’m really not,” Lucy insisted, her hands resting on Ona’s hips. “I mean it. You’re stunning. I think about you like that sometimes, and I can’t help but want to see it again.”

Ona peeked up at her through her lashes, her lips quirking. “Weirdo.”

Lucy huffed. “How am I weird?”

“You have a thing for pregnant ladies,” Ona teased, pulling a face.

“No,” Lucy shook her head quickly, “I have a thing for you.” She smiled lopsidedly. “It’s kind of a problem.”

“Why is it a problem? You’ve been saying this for the last eight years,” Ona laughed, reaching up to trace Lucy’s jaw with her thumb. “..but you make a convincing case, you know.”

“I try,” Lucy teased lightly, her expression earnest. “no.. I’m serious, the more I think about it, the more I want this, Ona. I really do. But only if you do too. We’re in such a good place right now. The boys are happy, we’ve got our routines down, and the business is doing well… I just feel like it’s the perfect moment.”

Ona’s eyes searched Lucy’s face, her resolve softening. “You really think it’s a good idea?”

“I do,” Lucy said with quiet certainty.

Ona smiled and leaned in to press a tender kiss to Lucy’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Lucy whispered, pulling Ona closer.

After a moment of silence, Ona spoke again. “But the room is the boys’ playroom. How would we explain—”

“Your home office,” Lucy smirked. “We can use that one.”

Ona frowned. “No. First of all, my office is on the ground floor, and I need that space.”

“We’ll make that the playroom and turn the playroom into the bedroom,” Lucy joked.

“Maybe we’ll make your gym the playroom,” Ona teased.

Lucy scrunched her nose. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Ona shrugged. “It’s the least essential room we have.”

“The boys barely play in the playroom anyway,” Lucy countered.

Ona and Lucy exchanged a look, realizing the same thing at the same time.

“How do you think they’ll react?” Ona asked.

“When do we even tell them?” Lucy wondered aloud.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, do we consult them? Tell them we’re thinking about it and see if they’re happy with a family expansion? Or do we keep it a secret until it’s almost here? I think the latter cus they can be very impatient… and there’s a big chance they’d tell people…”

Ona chuckled. “You keep saying ‘it.’”

“Well, we don’t know what it’s going to be. And ‘they’ sounds so plural.”

“What if it doesn’t… work out?” Ona asked carefully, her voice hesitant.

Lucy took Ona’s hands. “Are you worried there’ll be troubles?”

Ona shrugged. “It’s been a few years… maybe.”

Lucy smiled, nudging her wife. “Remember what the doctor said?’’ she put on her impression of the doctor ‘’‘Congratulations you two! It’s rare to see success on the very first attempt’,’’ she laughed, ‘’how did he say it again?.. ‘physiologically speaking.. it’s a beautiful uterus.’”

Ona smiled faintly, though she couldn’t laugh—knowing how painful the subject was for Lucy.

“It’s okay, babe, you can laugh,” Lucy reassured her. “Just because mine is a mess doesn’t mean I’m not happy that yours is perfect.”

“Luce…” Ona whispered.

Lucy pulled back to meet her gaze, tilting her head, ‘’it’s okay, really.’’

Ona cupped her face and looked into her eyes intensely.

‘’It’ll go well,’’ she put her hands over Ona’s, ‘’I think we can do this.’’

Ona nodded, ‘’I think so too.’’ She said softly, leaning in to kiss her.

Lucy’s hands travelled to cup the back of Ona’s head, pulling her closer, before heading south, kneading Ona’s hips below her bathrobe, dragging her hips against her own.

‘’I actually cant wait’’ Lucy breathed between kisses, wrapping her arms around Ona grabbing her ass.

Ona hummed in to the kiss, ‘’wait for what?’’ she asked, her fingers threading through Lucy’s hair in the back of her neck.

Lucy broke the kiss as she pulled back, ‘’for you to start showing.’’

Ona rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Let’s make an appointment first before you start with this.”

“Mhm, we will do it tomorrow,” Lucy said.

Ona bit her lip as she took in Lucy’s pupils, which seemed impossibly dilated. Lucy was brimming with an excitement Ona didn’t completely understand. She didn’t understand the fascination, though she knew—because she had told her many times—that her wife adored how she looked when she was pregnant.

“But you’re always beautiful,” Lucy added, as if she could read Ona’s thoughts.

Ona smiled and leaned in to give Lucy a quick peck. “What’s our agenda like for tomorrow?”

Lucy considered this, her brows furrowing slightly. “Hmm… I have work, you have work. You’ll drop the boys off at school, and I’ll pick them up. I think that’s it.”

Ona nodded. “Want to have lunch together? Do you have time for that?”

Lucy shrugged. “I think so. I’d have to check.”

Ona grabbed the phone lying beside them on the couch. As she unlocked it, the first thing to pop up was a collection of photos—her pregnancy photoshoot from years ago. While not fully nude, the images were intimate, showing her in barely-there attire.

She raised an eyebrow and glanced at Lucy, who didn’t even attempt to look sheepish.

Instead, Lucy grinned back at her, unapologetically.

Shaking her head with a blush and a small eyeroll, Ona navigated to Lucy’s calendar. Spotting a gap around two in the afternoon, she added an appointment ‘Lunch with Ona’.

“It’s a date,” Lucy said, her smile widening. “We haven’t done that in a while—having lunch together during work.”

“Mhm true,” Ona agreed, nodding. “Can’t wait.”

Lucy leaned in for another kiss, her voice soft and thoughtful. “You know, I’ve been thinking��� what do you think about taking a longer maternity leave this time? Not working right up until you physically can’t anymore, but taking a proper few months off instead?”

Ona shook her head with an amused smile. “Is this secretly another one of your plans to get me to work less?”

“Eh,” Lucy laughed, shrugging. “You’re the one who brought it up, not me.”

“Hmmm,” Ona hummed, her tone mock-disapproving. “We’ll see when it’s time…”

---

Who says yes to happiness and time skip to 🤰 for the next chapter? 🙃

Personal Records Masterlist

[xhazzz]

Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Reader

New Year’s Promise

warning: alcohol consumption, pet names, kissing and fluff

a/n: ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LENGUAGE so feel free to correct me if there’s anything wrong :)

masterlist || request’s are open

It was New Year’s morning, and Jake and I were doing some last-minute shopping. The supermarket was packed, the lines were endless, and there was barely enough room to maneuver the cart through the aisles.

“I told you we shouldn’t leave everything for the last minute,” I said to Jake as I steered the cart toward the wine and liquor aisle.

“Relax, bunny,” he said, placing his hands on my shoulders and giving them a little massage. “We still have a few hours before the year ends.”

“I know, Jake,” I sighed, “but I still have to make the lemon pie, you promised Payback you’d do your barbecue ribs, we need to shower, I still don’t know what outfit I’m wearing, I have to do my makeup, get ready…”

“Hey, stop. Calm down,” the blonde interrupted, halting the cart and pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Everything will be ready in time, and it doesn’t matter what you wear. You’re beautiful, babe.”

“Jake, I’m serious. You know how stressful this time of year is,” I added, leaning against his chest and inhaling his delicious cologne.

“Everything will be perfect. Besides, it’s just the guys. We see them practically every day,” he said, positioning himself behind me, his chest pressing against my back as he took control of the cart, and we started walking again.

The Dagger Squad only had a few days off, so they had planned the New Year’s dinner at Payback’s house with their respective partners. Nat and Bradley would be going together (they were finally accepting their feelings for each other), Fanboy would bring his wife and their little daughter, Bob and Coyote would probably show up solo unless they found a last-minute date, and then there was Jake and me.

“Here it is, exactly what I wanted,” Jake said, grabbing a few bottles of champagne off the shelf.

“Very classy, Mr. Seresin,” I laughed, glancing at the other bottles and pointing to some tequila. “We should grab a few of these too.”

“Planning to get wild tonight, darling?” my boyfriend teased, grabbing three bottles of tequila.

“Maybe, to ring in the New Year in the best mood,” I shrugged and continued walking down the aisle.

“So my New Year’s kiss will taste like tequila?”

“Probably…” I leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the lips and kept walking with Jake following behind, pushing the cart.

After finishing our shopping, we got back to his apartment and headed into the kitchen to prepare our dishes. Everything felt so natural; Jake and I looked like an old married couple cooking together, with a couple of beers open and jazz playing softly in the background.

“I was thinking…” my boyfriend started, washing the dirty dishes.

“About leaving the kitchen a mess?” I joked, laughing as I placed the lemon pie in the freezer.

“No!” he replied, laughing too. “I mean this—doing everyday things like grocery shopping and cooking together. Home stuff.”

“Babe, we already do home stuff,” I said, walking over to him as he leaned against the kitchen counter. Jake gently placed his hands on my hips and pulled me closer.

“I know, but I’d like it if you didn’t have to leave anymore—no more going back and forth to your apartment,” he added, kissing me softly.

“But I practically live here.”

“Then we should make it official. Move in with me,” he smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. God, this man had me wrapped around his finger.

“I don’t know, Jake. We’ve only been together a few months…”

“Six months have been more than enough to know I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” the blonde said, cupping my face and pulling me into a deep kiss. Even though I’d kissed him a million times, every time his lips met mine, I felt butterflies as if it were the first time. “Tell me you’ll at least think about it this time.”

“Alright, I’ll think about it,” I replied, kissing him again and smiling mid-kiss. Jake Seresin had been insisting for over two weeks that I should move in with him. It would make it easier for us to spend time together when he wasn’t working—no more late-night trips back to my place or rushing out at dawn so one of us could shower and get ready for work.

“It’s time to shower, Lieutenant,” I teased.

“My favorite part of the day,” my boyfriend cheered, guiding me to his bathroom with both hands on my waist. If we wanted to make it to dinner on time, he’d better behave…

Later, at Payback’s house, we were all gathered, laughing at the stories the guys shared about their time before Top Gun. One of Jake’s hands rested on my thigh, occasionally giving it a gentle squeeze or rubbing his thumb affectionately. After a few glasses of champagne and half a bottle of tequila, I was feeling a little tipsy but having a great time.

“Everything okay?” Jake asked, leaning in to kiss my temple.

“Everything’s perfect, Mr. Seresin,” I teased, playfully rubbing my nose against his chin.

“So, guys, what are your New Year’s resolutions?” Phoenix asked, taking a sip from her glass.

“To be the best in the squad and finally beat Hangman,” Coyote said, grabbing a piece of lasagna Bradley had made.

“In your dreams, buddy,” my man replied, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer.

“What about you, Bagman?” Rooster asked, mimicking his action by wrapping an arm around Nat.

“Well, considering I’m already the best, my first resolution is to convince this gorgeous lady to move in with me,” he said, looking at me tenderly. “And who knows? Maybe there’ll be a future Mrs. Seresin.”

Everyone laughed excitedly, and I felt my cheeks flush.

“I can’t wait to meet her,” I joked, playfully hitting his chest. “I didn’t know you’d already found my replacement.”

“Never, my love,” he replied, kissing me softly. We both laughed mid-kiss and pulled apart when Rooster whistled.

“Get a room,” he teased, pretending to gag.

“It’s almost midnight!” Bob announced, and we all gathered around the TV to watch the New Year’s special.

“10, 9…” we all counted.

“You know I meant what I said, right?” Jake murmured, placing his hands on my waist as if to keep me from running away. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, darling.”

“8, 7…”

“Are you serious?” I asked nervously, laughing. I wasn’t sure if it was the drinks or the way he was looking at me, but I felt my entire body trembling under his gaze.

“6, 5, 4…”

“I’ve never been more serious,” the blonde added, his eyes shining with emotion.

“3, 2, 1… Happy New Year!” we all shouted, and without hesitation, Jake pulled me into a kiss as if there were no tomorrow. His lips felt so good against mine, mixing with the taste of tequila.

“Yes,” I said once we pulled apart, breathless. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned closer to him (if that were even possible).

“Yes?” he asked, studying my face with excitement.

“Yes, I want to move in with you. And who knows? Maybe someday I’ll become Mrs. Seresin,” I replied. Within seconds, Jake was kissing me again, and in that moment, it felt like everything else disappeared around us. It was just Jake and me in our little bubble.

“God, you don’t know how happy you make me, woman,” my boyfriend said with a lovestruck smile. “By the end of the year, you’ll have a big diamond on that beautiful finger of yours. That’s a promise.”

[the-ace-with-spades]

(sorry this got longer than I thought)

You know what fic I'd love to read?

One where Carole dies but doesn't get anything in order before her death (as is many times the case) and Mav is installed as Bradley's temporary guardian after her death but everything goes wrong very fast

Due to Mav's less than heterosexuals tendencies, Bradley ends up in the foster system. One day a social worker with a police officer just shows up and takes him away from school and he doesn't know what's going on. He ends up in his first not so good foster family the same evening. Mav can't even visit as he is deemed a bad influence and has an ongoing investigation if he is 'fit' to be Bradley's guardian.

He doesn't stop asking about Mav for months. Keeps trying to run away to him (he's about 50 miles away because foster homes are sparse so no dice) and finally his foster 'mom' is fed up with the constant asks to at least try and call Mav so she tells him Mav didn't want him and doesn't want Bradley to contact him.

And because Bradley is twelve, he believes it.

(It's not that Mav didn't try. There was a whole appeal process but Mav had a deployment right after and he couldn't explain to the social workers that no, Bradley would stay with someone trusted while he was gone, because that someone was Ice, the source of his suspected homosexual tendencies. They literally told him he's not allowed to contact Bradley and once he came back from deployment, Bradley was already in a different foster home, a few counties over and lost in the system.)

Bradley spends the rest of his childhood in the system. His first family is dubious and the following ones are a mix of constant hope and disappointment. He has at least two different families foster him every year, until he is sixteen and ends up in a group home. There are only two families that he actually comes close to calling family - a young married couple that stops fostering when the wife is diagnosed with chronic autoimmune disorder, and a couple of teachers that have to drop one of the two kids they foster when the financial requirements to foster raise and decide that Bradley is going to be that kid.

No one ever even thinks about adopting him. He's got good grades and stays on top of school, but that's about what is going well in his life. Some families he's with are average - they let him be and maybe don't care as much for anything that involves him as long it doesn't stir trouble at the fostering agency and Bradley is healthy and safe. Some families are worse - sometimes he is one of the five kids and is expected to stay and be a live-in nanny, sometimes they're only doing it for the money and he has barely anything, barely any food, barely any attention, barely any clothes, barely any school supplies, just so he doesn't cost too much. Sometimes, things get physical - it happens less, the taller he gets and by the time he starts fighting back, he has enough reputation that no one believes it and no one wants to foster him anymore. And group home it is.

By the time he's seventeen, he's enlisted. Just so he leaves the system as fast as he can. It all works out because the Navy fits the bill for his university and NROTC when the time comes - even if he's told he's not a good candidate for the USNA, even if he was told his grades and his achievements should be more than enough, even if despite the circumstances, he managed to meet the same requirements.

Finding out that it was Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell who protested his application and pulled the plug on it is Bradley's second heartbreak.

Bradley bites down any complaints he has about life and enters UVA at 21, with a military scholarship and NROTC bursary. At that point, he doesn't even know if he still wants to go into aviation, it brings so much bitterness in him. But then his grades and his overall achievement are so good, everyone says it'd be a waste if he didn't go to one of the most competitive pipelines. The Navy pays for his private pilot licence when he hesitates, and sure enough, it does feel good.

The pipeline is where he meets Jake Seresin. Jake Seresin, who has two brothers and two sisters and who has jars of homemade jam and chocolate-covered plums sent in a little package from his mom at least once a month. Jake Seresin, who uses all his leave to attend weddings, holiday parties, birthday parties, even a dog's funeral. Jake Seresin, who comes from every Thanksgiving with spare pumpkin pie, who has a new handmade Christmas sweater every year.

Jake Seresin, who, for some reason not known to Bradley, is impressed with how effortless learning to fly is for Bradley, with how much Bradley knows, with how much he leads in the lectures and the flight lessons - most guys find Bradley annoying and cold and Bradley would've agreed with them if any said it to his face. The Navy is the only good thing Bradley's had since his mom died, he has much more time to focus on being good at whatever Navy throws at him and maybe that makes him strange and aloof. But not Jake.

Jake Seresin, who is a competitive asshole that can't shut his mouth for his own good. Who has no idea of personal space, who fills the silence better than a jukebox, who will drill and drill the topic until he gets an answer he can comprehend, who doesn't care what people think of him as long as he knows his worth.

Bradley might have a bit of a crush on him, but it's an annoying crush kind of crush - one he doesn't really want to have, one he doesn't really know what to do with. Jake Seresin, who probably would never look at Bradley twice, especially in that way.

They get separate F-18 training bases and Bradley forgets for a moment Jake Seresin ever existed.

Then, summer of 2011, Jake Seresin gets restationed, right into Bradley's squadron. And he's still his annoying self, inserting himself into Bradley's private space, private time, and doesn't let Bradley have a say in it, at all.

Maybe Bradley doesn't want to have any say in it, deep down.

A few months later, DADT gets repealed. It doesn't change much for Bradley, he's not going to talk to anyone about his personal life. But it seems it changes something for Jake.

Because he asks Bradley out on a date.

Bradley's never really dated. Didn't really have the time to when he was a teenager, moved so many times, and then he enlisted, and then he was in college and NROTC. He slept with people, but he's never dated anyone.

So he gets to know Jake Seresin. Jake Seresin, who despite bringing all that food back with him any time he visits his parents, can't cook at all and who would hang onto Bradley's arm or shoulders whenever Bradley cooked. Who can sew so well that he saves all of Bradley's old shirts. Who can't keep his mouth shut, no matter the circumstances - not in the theatre, not when they eat, not when they just watch a movie at home, not even in bed. Who seems to know every single tune under the sun but can't play a single instrument. Who has elaborate, detailed plans for his life - an admiral by forty, two kids by thirty-five, a nice little house in driving distance to some body of water, a German shepherd or a border collie for a family dog once the house is there, a personal two or maybe four-person plane by the time he's forty-five, maybe co-owning aeroclub by fifty.

Bradley's never before thought about the future.

He never tells Jake even half of the things he's seen and lived through when he was in foster care, never tells him about his pulled application from USNA, never tells him about Mav. He doesn't think Jake would be able to understand, the way his family seems perfect and loving and caring. He doesn't want him to know how many things is wrong with him.

But Jake knows he's got no family, that his dad died in the Navy, his mom when he started middle school, that he's been in foster care for all his teenage years. Knows that Bradley has no one to come back home.

"Don't be a fool, sweetheart," is what Jake tells him. "You've got me."

For the first time in his life at the age of 29, Bradley requests Christmas leave.

Bradley's never had a big family, but there was a time he once had a family - or so he thought, when he was twelve and the illusion shattered - so he thought he'd be okay.

And at first, he is fine. Jake rotates him around like a prize piece, introducing him to his siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, nephews, cousins, grandparents, but it's just two or three people at once. Whenever it seems like too much, Bradley drifts away to the kitchen where he can just stay silent and listen to Jake's mom talk to the various people that come by while he slices homemade ham or he steps out onto the backyard and talks to the kids of all the ages gathered around the makeshift playground.

But then they're right before dinner starts - there are over thirty people in the open space of the house, now that everyone arrived, and Bradley feels hot, suffocating in the crowded space, in the clutter of gifts and food and colorful Christmas sweaters.

And then, before he can take any of it in, he hears Jake, saying in his typical loud and teasing tone, that Bradley can play the piano, and look at that, he could play something Christmas-y before the turkey is done, and next thing he knows, there's over thirty pairs of eyes on him and plenty of people asking questions and making teasing remarks and it all seems so tricky--

He can't imagine himself, in that room, with all those people, feeling comfortable. So he walks out.

Bradley doesn't know how to be a part of a family. There's no reason to try and lie to himself and everyone else.

They don't see each other for years after. The next time they do, it's only the eight weeks at Top Gun. The Jake that Bradley knew isn't there - this Jake is bitter and sarcastic and sharp with his tongue. This Jake wins Top Gun and never looks back at Bradley when he returns to his station base.

The next time they see each other is at the Top Gun recall when Bradley is going through a life roller coaster.

Not only is Jake being the biggest ass not just to him but to everyone, for the first time in twenty years, Bradley sees Mav. Sure, maybe he's not moved on from Jake - he still remains the only person Bradley ever dated - but he's managed to dodge Maverick, and Iceman by association, in all those years he's been in the Navy and now he's forced to pretend all is fine.

And Maverick doesn't make it easier.

He tries to approach Bradley like they're long-lost friends, saying all those things about how he missed him and how Bradley looks so much like his dad. Like he didn't leave him in the foster system when he was a kid and didn't fuck up his application for USNA.

So he pretends he doesn't remember Maverick because that's the easiest given that Maverick is supposed to train him.

On top of that, Jake mixes himself up into Bradley's shit life situation when he overhears Mav trying to get Bradley to 'remember' and 'renew their relationship' and keeps pestering Bradley. Maybe he can tell you more about your childhood, why the hell are you so rude to him, he wouldn't make up knowing you, you know, maybe he's got some of your parents' stuff and can share---

And hearing the love of his life that he let get away because Bradley didn't know how to be part of his family side with the first person that told Bradley he's not enough to be someone's family - well, it's not exactly helping the state of Bradley'e mental being.

So maybe he explodes at Jake, a little bit, in the end. You want to talk to the man who left me behind when I was twelve and the only time he looked back was to tell me he didn't think I was good enough? Then so be fucking it.

Instead of butting into Bradley's life, Jake shuts up and starts avoiding him. Bradley supposes he has what he wanted.

Bradley doesn't care what Maverick thinks or if he changed or if he wants something from Bradley.

He still turns around when he's shot down. It's not like he's got someone to come back to anyway. Not because he cares about Maverick.

"I'm not you," Bradley tells Mav. "I don't leave people behind."

The admittance - that he knows and remembers Mav and wants nothing to do with him, wants to be nothing like him - works. They survive and Bradley doesn't see Maverick again, not when they're in the med bay, not when they're in the hospital in San Diego, not when he gets discharged.

He sees Jake instead, waiting on him at the reception of the unit he had been on, patiently waiting for Bradley to sign his discharge papers without using his broken wrist.

"What, do you have someone else to take your broken ass home?"

In truth, Bradley was just going to take a taxi. Instead, Jake takes the plastic bag with Bradley's clothes and silently leads them to his truck before he asks for Bradley's address.

And in all this mess, the first thing Jake asks him is, "Are you going to stay in San Diego?" because they have the offer to stay there and make their place in Top Gun-adjacent brand new squadron.

"No, I'm going to go back to my base," Bradley tells him. There's nothing for him San Diego, but there's plenty for Jake and he doesn't want to be a barrier.

"I think you should stay in San Diego. With me."

He wishes it was that simple but the truth is, Bradley is still the same.

"I can't be the person you want to have in your life."

"But you already are the person I want in my life."

"I think this is going to end up badly."

"Only if you let it."

Bradley's never really could say no to Jake.

It all seems so easy, when he falls asleep on Jake's shoulder watching Top Gear, but at some point, Bradley knows, they will get to the point when it'll all crush again.

There is also the whole thing with Maverick, their now CO, who appears to be some kind of ashamed now that he finally knows that Bradley remembers what he did - or rather what he didn't do. He avoids Bradley like the plague and it seems to be affecting the squad - because they all love Maverick and Bradley is the weirdo who can't have fun or be friendly. He's just waiting on someone to call him out as the party pooper contrasting to their fun CO and deem the problem, as always, just because he can't pretend to be happy to be around him.

Jake hasn't said anything about the Maverick thing explicitly but he gives Bradley those looks whenever Maverick is nearby and sometimes he makes those quips

[icarusredwings]

Toast

(Yeah, he got the hello kitty toaster)

Sfw poolverinessa sick-ficlet

Cw: implied past eating disorder and cancer related puking

Vanessa never really knew why, but some days, Wade ate a lot of toast. Sometimes half a loaf. He would visit the bathroom often and come back smelling clean. Minty or lemon scented.

He'd smile and say "Why not? I like toast." When asked why but secretly she wondered if there was more to it.

It wasn't until Logan came around that she finally figured it out.

Here, in the morning, Wade had toast for breakfast. Simple really. Just two slices with jam. She had noticed Logan's gestures moved away from the lunch plans they were talking about.

"What about that place on 6th street?" He has said before, but now was suggesting a movie marathon at home.

What had changed? Within a wordless instant, they had taken lunch off the table.

"Maybe for dinner?" She asks, getting a curious look from Logan and a smile from Wade. Subtle enough to be unnoticeable if you hadn't been with him for the last 10 years.

"Yeah! Maybe. I heard they take reservations, though." Was all that was said, but Vanessa squinted, peering into those deep yellows, searching for any sort of falsification.

"Yeah... maybe." She repeats, only for him to glance back at Logan, taking a big bite of the toast. "So what movies are we gonna watch? Whatever you want. I'm not picky." Wade says, another sharp bite.

"What? Oh yes, you are." The scuff man smirks. "You're prissier than a lil miss pretty in pink pagent show."

"And I think you've been spending too much time with Rouge." Wade giggled. "What do you think V?"

"I think hes right. You ARE prissy and petty... And pathetic."

"Oi, you love pathetic men." He says, shoving the rest of the toaste in his mouth, jam falling down his chin.

Rolling her eyes, Vanessa kisses his lips, licking the jelly off. "That I do.. and you smell.. different." The tone it's said in is suspicious. Because it kinda was.

"I changed my body wash. This one's supposed to be gentle on skin. Wolvie said it would be better for me, but I think it smells like ass."

"It's irratant free." Logan budded in, taking a sip of his soda. "Which includes those perfumes."

"Look peanut, you might be able to get away with being all naturel with your manly wolvie musk but I smell like death." Wade says, eating the other toast.

"That's kind of an insult to Death, isn't it?" She asks, shifting to grab the remote, scrolling through their options.

"Oh definitely. She smells like fresh bloomed flowers after it rains." He mutters, filled with longing and well- Toast.

"Well, don't go dying on us just to see her, 'kay bub?" It's taken as a jabe, this serious statment was. As all things were to Wade, who only laughs, getting up.

"Yeah, yeah. Alright, you two choose. Don't have too much fun without me." He says, heading off to the bathroom.

Hm. Nothing seems out of place just yet. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she had a feeling something was wrong.

When Wade returned, he smelt of artifical mint and that gross cheap spray that gas stations used in their bathroom. The lemon kind that smelled more like chemicals then actual lemons.

Ood, but not unusual. Maybe they just got minty bar soap. Who knows. Though she didn't remember seeing any.. huh.

____

Later, just as they were starting the second movie, Logan had brought a big bowl of buttery pop corn and again a plate of toast. This time buttered.

"Hold on. I gotta go to the bathroom again. You know. Kidney cancer shit. Go ahead and start without me." Wade says, waving them off as he leaves.

Blinking, for a second, Vanessa wondered. This was his 6th time going to the bathroom already and not every time, but most times, he would be in there for a good couple of minutes.

"Is he okay?" She asked Logan, who shrugged, having the toast in his lap, holding it. "About as okay as he'll ever be I guess."

"Soo no. Got it.. hey, can I ask you something?" Vanessa scoots a little closer, quieting down her voice as the starting credits play on the tv.

"If it's what I think, the awnser is no."

"What? No! Not that. God... men. I was gonna ask.. Why does Wade eat so much toast? Doesn't it give him a stomach ache? I thought he was allergic to gluten for a while." She adds, whispering.

Logan now tilts his head, giving her a stupid look only to soften into a 'Oh yeah' expression. "Right.. not everyone has my nose. My bad. Wade eats a bunch of toast because it settles and soaks up his stomach acid. Mentioned something about 'it's better to have something to throw up then nothing at all' too, which I hope is about the stomach cancer and not.. nevermind." He waves his hand, shaking his head. "It's true, though. Trust me, I've threw up a ton as a kid, and it was always better to have something in there."

"So... every time he..." She gestures to the bathroom vaugey with her hand. "He's.. puking?"

"Yeh.. kind of suprised you didn't know already. Though.. I guess it makes sense." Logan mutters, thinking.

"He's been hiding it from me.." It's a statement as if realizing this on her own, now processing.

"It's not really your fault. He physically can't hide it from me.. I can smell it. I can smell him crying and hear him brushing his teeth too." He mutters, looking at the bathroom door, that now clicks open and out comes a freshly cleaned up Wade, smiling that fake, appeasing grin.

Vanessa goes silent about the subject, only scooting back over and patting his seat between them. "You're just in luck. The movie just started."

Coming over, Wade sits between them, pulling his feet up to tuck under Logan's ass with a cheeky grin.

"Here. Eat." He mutters, handing the toast plate to Wade, who immediately begins to eat it.

"Ooh! Wolvie you salted it like I like!" He coes, shifting to lean agaisnt him, nuzzling his cheek.

"Mhm. I remember. Also... Vanessa wants to ask you something."

Her eyes widden, looking at Logan with that 'bitch!?' Look only to smile nervously, brows going together in a sense of tensity.

"Yes!" Wade boarderline chants.

"No! Not that! God.. you both are disgusting. I... I wanted to ask... Why did you feel the need to hide it from me-"

"Hide what? He immediately asks, cutting her off.

"The fact that you're throwing up........again.."

The volume of the pause is deafening. Enough for Wade's fake grin to drop, instantly turning to Logan as if he had just cut his heart out and sold it to the goverment (fuck the goverment, a voice echoed in his head)

"Why did you- i-.. I don't know what you're talking about." He laughs, forcibly.

Both of his partners stare at him, quiet and not finding this behavior any funny.

"I'm not! Ness I-i don't-"

"Wade..." Logan mutters, giving him a look.

Tearing up, Wade shifts, tensing and holds his plate tight. "B-but I'm not!!... not like that. I-i swear! I-..." a couple tears fall down his cheeks as Logan rubs his back, taking the chance of being injured. "Logan helped me get better."

This confession hurts to say. Ness knows it. The way his voice tightened and how panicked he got.

"That's.. not what I meant, sweetie."

"Oh...OH.. well fuck.. I- c-Cause it's fucking disgusting?? Why would I want you to worry 'bout me anyway? I don't need anyon' to carry my burdens for me. I can do it myself. A-and look mighty sexy doing it!" He says, wiping his eyes and sniffling, seeming to stop crying now that it was clarified.

"He's right about that last bit.. how you make insane seem sexy is beyond me." The flirt from Logan makes Wade smile, which is all that was needed at the moment.

"Pfft- like you're one to talk.."

"Wade, Sweetheart. You are not a burden and neither is your bullshit. Logan might have married you first but your bullshit is still my bullshit. Yeah?"

"V, I'm already the phyco guy who looks like half raw half burnt bacon, okay? I don't need to be known as 'the guy that pukes all the time' too."

She blinks, a little taken aback. "..Is that how you think we see you?" Taking his hands, she starts to talk, but Logan interrupts.

"That's a lot of words for 'Sexy motherfucker with a big mouth and nice ass' but sure. Potato patato."

Smiling again, Wade giggles. "Sttoopp... dont stop."

"I won't. But you gotta litsen to her yeah? Or shes gonna go all dommy mommy on you and make you write those affermations again."

"Fuckin' hated that..." Wade mutters, letting her thumbs rub over his rough backroad like hands, over his knuckles and up his wrists.

"And I'll do it again. You look at me and you listen good. You are way more to me then you will ever know. You are ever changing. Evolving. So is my love for you. No, you don't have to tell me every little thing, but telling me you don't feel good shouldn't feel like being a burden. Got it?"

"Mhm.." Wade was looking away, not wanting to look her in the eyes. No, because then he would be forced to see all the truth love in her eyes, proof against all the lies that his mind has made him believe.

"Wade Winston Wilson-" She states.

"Shit... you didn't have to goverment name me.." He whines, looking at her, seeing deep into her soul. She was telling the truth. She loved him. Bullshit and all.

Tearing up again, he makes a whimper sound, lips curling into the biggest frown. "Y-you mean it?"

"Of course I do.. you don't have to hide what's going on, baby.... now come lay on my tits and watch a medicore overhyped movie." She grins, shifting to let Wade curl into her, an arm wrapped around him, petting his head.

Logan scoots closer, putting an arm around them both, Holding the popcorn, smiling. Finally. Someone had shoved some sense into that stupid head of his. Maybe now he'd stop lying about having to pee so much.

Settling into their cuddle pile, Wade fells better, the toast filling his stomach, love in his heart, and eyes dry.

".....I have to puke again." He mutters, not even an entire 45 seconds of being in their grasp.

Both Vanessa and Logan sigh, letting him get up. "At this point just bring the trashcan, bub."

"I would, buuut you might mistake it for me-"

"Damn it, Wade!!"

[stormz369]

☕💖 Can I Get Your Number? ☕💖 Jason Todd Week Special! Day 1

A/N: this unofficial mini-chapter is part of the event being run by @jasontoddweek2025 and can be enjoyed without reading the rest of the story.

Jason Todd x (f)Chubby!Reader

written with a female reader in mind, first person pov, no use of Y/N, let me know if I missed anything worth tagging!

warnings/labels: flashback scenes, reader's mom is there, Jason's death is mentioned

wc: 716

CIGYN? Chapter Selection

The Batmobile came to a sudden stop in a dark alley. In an instant, Batman was out of the car and halfway up the wall, leaving the Batmobile unguarded in one of the worst neighborhoods in Gotham. It didn't take long for a small boy to approach, eyes scanning the darkness for the Bat. Nothing moved in the shadows, and a cautious grin spread across his face.

He ran over, eyes lighting up with the possibilities. He tried the door, delighted to find it unlocked. No keys, and the Batman kept a tidy car, but there were a few granola bars and beef jerky sticks that quickly made their way into his pockets. Once he was sure there was nothing else inside, he began pulling the tires off.

This was the best score ever! Food for tonight, and grocery money for later! He would probably be able to eat for two weeks from this one night's work! He got the first tire off and was working on the second when a deep voice rang out from behind him.

“What do you think you're doing?”

He jumped, swinging the tire iron in his hands without a second thought. The Batman loomed over him, falling back a step to dodge his improvised attack. The boy ran without a second thought, clutching his pilfered snacks to his chest. He ran halfway to his shelter on the other side of Crime Alley before he realized he wasn't being followed. He hunkered down once he got home, and for the rest of the night every shadow seemed to be alive, every noise set his teeth on edge.

“What do you see?” Batman spoke low, observing the city below them.

Robin adjusted his mask, frowning a bit. Dick's old uniform still felt a bit too big on him, like something he'd snatched out of a lost and found. After a moment, he whispered; “five cars. Route eight bus … looks pretty full. Couple kids leaving the park. … Raccoon climbing out of the dumpster behind the pizza place … can we get pizza after?”

“Focus, Robin. What else do you see?”

“... That girl … she's upset.” He gestured to a girl walking up to the bus stop.

“... Too young to be out on her own at this time of night. … We'll keep an eye on her.”

Robin nodded, adjusting his footing. She wasn't really paying attention to the world around her. A quick way to get killed in Gotham. Robin watched her, barely paying attention to the lessons Batman was trying to teach him. He watched as the bus arrived and a woman got off, approaching the girl. He leaned forward to watch. They were too high to hear the conversation, but the girl seemed glad to see her. The pair walked off, and he leaned back.

“... Are you ready to continue your training, Robin?”

“Hm? … Oh, yeah! Yeah, I'm ready!” He grinned.

“Mom?” I frowned. Mom never watched TV before work, and there were tears in her eyes. She gestured for me to join her on the couch, pulling me into a tight hug.

The police chief was standing behind a podium, flanked by armed officers. Off to the side was a large man in a well tailored suit. “-is being regarded as an act of terrorism, and as such all Gotham schools are being shut down for the time being. Parents, please keep your children home until further notice.”

“What’s going on?” I frowned, turning toward my mom.

“... The Joker kidnapped one of Bruce Wayne's kids. … The younger one, … god he's … he was just about your age …” she sniffled, hugging me tighter.

“... Was? Mom, what happened?”

“... Apparently Robin tried to save him … they both died. … The Joker killed them.”

I blinked repeatedly, looking at the tv again. The police chief was yammering on about safety measures Gothamites should take in the coming days, but I barely heard it. For as long as I could remember Gotham had been protected by Batman and Robin. Some people said they were cryptids, like some kind of vengeful Mothman. Others thought they were the living embodiments of the spirit of justice, or the city. It had never, not once, occured to me that they were human…

@jawdropforkpop @krys0210 @snowy-violet @superthoughts @wordsfromshona @mystic60 @iwannabealocalcryptid @morstuavitamea-a @frosty--giants @arisa191 @prized-jules @phoenix666stuff @dinonuggysandhuggus @anuttellaa @whore-of-many-hot-men @cottage-worm @v1ckycheesue @roastyyytoastyyy @sarakmec @thestarcatcher7297 @stupidlyunhinged @mishkapi @mermaidgirl-11 @bunniboo0015 @bibibusinessman @iimichie

Divider by: @saradika-graphics

Fanart in the header by: @crowkip

☕💖CIGYN?☕💖 Taglist (y'all are being tagged in this first day of Jason Todd Week, but if you'd like to be tagged in the rest of my posts for the event please let me know, otherwise I'll see you all again when we resume our regularly scheduled programming!): 

[maybetorbie]

Cold

As part of @harringrovewinterbingo 's bingo prompt; Lost Gloves

Steve x Billy | 1700++ words | no warnings, pure fluff, a bit of illustrations slipped inbetween

'Cold,' Steve thinks to himself, trudging through the snowy path laid before him, hurrying his way back home after a particularly boring shift. 'Asshole's gonna get mad if I'm late again tonight,' he continues his train of thought, not keen on getting a lecture from his boyfriend of almost a decade, a blond with a penchant for swearing and everything that comes with it.

He walks on, just a couple blocks now. He rubs his gloved hands together, still baffled at how cold the winter can be this time around. The century's almost over, and the old wounds are starting to get healed, just like time promised. Having a circle of friends that he could safely say he loves doesn't hurt as well.

He knocks on the all-too-familiar door. He prepares for an earful. The door swings open.

He expects an exasperated, agitated Billy greeting him.

Instead, what he sees is a face of his boyfriend, relieved that he's finally home.

Of course, Billy would never admit to that willy-nilly.

"...Hey, get in. Don't let the cold in," is what his boyfriend says instead, his soft sentiment marked twice as pleasant by his cherry-red lips.

Steve walks in, slightly flustered at the change of tune. "Uh, baby?"

"What," Billy answers without turning back to him, instead going all the way to the kitchen, taking out something resembling a warm dinner out of the oven.

"I'm home late," Steve said, knitting his brows in confusion. "Aren't you gonna give me the Billy special? the nearly hour long ramble on how I'm always retarded?"

Billy sighs. "It's tardy," He shakes his head at his brunette companion's often misplaced vocab, yet fond of it all the same. "And yeah, maybe you're late again, for the hundred-thousandth whatever the fuck time, but you're here," he continued, with an unreadable expression, something bordering on unease, maybe a little bit of relief?

Steve doesn't know what to make of it. "Oh, and I also forgot to buy the eggs... fuck," he mutters, running a hand through his hair, embarrassed.

Billy shakes his head with a sigh. He puts the warm meal on their makeshift dining table. "Just get your dumbass here and eat,"

The rest of the night went by without any major happenings. Billy's unusually calm, docile behavior is alarming to Steve, as he loves to describe his boyfriend as 'a hurricane, a storm and I can't find any fucking port because I was just more interested in getting lost in the eye of the storm than to find a safe port somewhere' to his friends, Robin being the only one that seems to somewhat understand his absurd metaphors. The point being, Steve is confused. 'What's gotten Billy acting so weird? Is it the cold? It's got to be the cold, it's the coldest winter we've had in years, and Hawkins is usually only breezy.'

As he lay awake in bed wondering, his other half is already snoring next to him, facing the other way. He siddles closer to the blond, sniffing the golden curls and sinking his face into the depths of it, his arms snaking around Billy's chest, hugging him from behind, under the warmth the covers provide.

'I'll just ask him in the morning,' being his last thought of the night.

-

Morning comes. With it being both of their day off, Steve wants to take advantage of their free time to ask his beloved what the fuck got to him the other night. They're sipping coffee on the makeshift dining table, sitting across each other in comfortable, companionable silence that Steve has come to adore over their near-decade togetherness.

"Baby," Steve starts softly, already all-too-familiar with how his boyfriend gets at any earnest display of vulnerability, which is to immediately put up walls of swear words and faux irritation. But Steve knows that when his Billy reacts this way, he never means any of it.

Billy looks up at him from reading the morning papers, with a raised eyebrow. "What,"

"So, yesterday..." Steve continues carefully, not because he's scared Billy's gonna react badly, but because he needed an honest answer immediately. "You were acting weird."

So much for being careful.

"The fuck does that mean?" Billy answers with a question, twisting his face in confusion.

"You didn't get angry," Steve said softly. "I was just a bit confused, if you're sick and we need to get Max since she's a med student now, or..."

Billy stares at him in confusion. "So you think I'm being weird because I was nice to you?"

"Uh, I guess, yeah..."

The blond sighs, one hand rubbing the sides of his temple. "You're a fucking idiot, pretty boy. Tell you what, since you think I'm sick, why don't we go on a walk right now?"

"Huh?" Steve's turn to be confused now. "What does that gotta do with anything?"

"Isn't walking good for you or something?" Billy shrugs, already standing up from the table, making no delay in getting his coat from the hook they put up on the wall next to the door a good few christmases ago. "So come on, get your ass up."

Steve sighs, his coffee isn't even finished! But seeing as it's no use arguing with a hurricane, plus, thinking that he could convince Billy to visit Max to get him checked, he grabs his coat as well, not realizing that as they head out the door, one half of his gloves fell out of the coat pocket, the one glove being the item in charge to watch over their modest apartment for the time being.

-

They walk along the boulevard, on the fifteen minute mark of their walk. They didn't say a word to each other, Billy being silently pensive, which adds to Steve's suspicion that something might be wrong.

"Look, pretty boy," Billy suddenly stops, Steve involuntarily bumping softly against his boyfriend's back. Billy gestures at the park, quiet and empty. "Let's go there,"

"Uh, sure," Steve follows his lead, still confused on where this is all going. Well, he's aware of where they're walking, just not where this is going.

They walk some more in silence.

Billy's still all quiet, walking slightly ahead of Steve.

Steve wants to say something about all of this, but something soft falls on the tip of his nose.

"Snow," he mutters. "It's snowing again,"

Billy turns to him, aware that his boyfriend gets cold easy. "Where's your gloves?" he asks, gesturing to the coat pocket.

Steve nods, rummaging his pockets... and looks back up at Billy with a bashful sigh. "I... there's only one, I guess the other one must've fallen out or something..."

Steve turns behind him to look, but the snowfall is starting to affect how everything looks. And everything looks white. His gloves are only a few shades off white. He turns back to look at Billy... but Billy's gone.

Except that he's not. Steve looks down.

Billy's kneeling.

"Billy, what are you doing?" Steve asks, bewildered. "I'm pretty sure I just left the other one at home..."

Billy looks up at him with that look of exasperated fondness, the kind that Steve looks at him with from time to time, now in full display. His lips slightly parted, as if drawing small, nervous breaths.

"Steve," the blond said softly.

Snow keeps falling.

"Yeah...?" Steve answers, unsure of where this is going.

"You and me, man. Ten years," Billy continues.

"I know, Billy."

"Ten years," Billy repeats. "I don't know anyone that I would fight the world for, if not you,"

Steve's breathing hitches. Billy's still kneeling.

"And fuck, man... I don't know. I get mad a lot, but you're always there. I may be batshit insane, but you're always there. I don't give a fuck if we can't..."

Billy stops his sentiment, pulling out a golden ring, plain and simple, but polished. "...I don't give a fuck if we can't get legally married. Maybe we won't be able to for another ten, twenty years, whatever, but I don't care. We wear this, and we'll know,"

Steve doesn't say anything, but his eyes are glassy with unshed tears.

Billy's face is all sorts of cacophony of emotions. He's scared of rejection, but he loves his Steve too much to care of the hurt he might possibly feel. "So, pretty boy. You're my best friend, you fuck like a beast, and you love me like I'm not one. What do you say? Let me be Mr. Harrington too?"

Steve doesn't even know what to say. Instead, he pulls Billy up by the waist, peppering kisses on the corners of Billy's lips, along the jawline, and finally an enduring one on the lips. It leaves them both breathless as they part, foreheads still touching.

Billy looks at him, slightly flushed. "So... is that a yes?"

"Just give me the ring already," Steve laughs softly, giddily letting the blond slip the band onto his finger. He looks at how it shines, and he looks back at Billy with all the love in the world. "You're crazy, baby."

"Hey, if you'd rather have me look for your missing glove, I can just take the ring back..." Billy tries to weasel himself off Steve's grip, but he knows better than to test Steve, because once he's got a hold of you, he's never letting you go.

"I'm not cold anymore," Steve adjusts his embrace, looking Billy in the eyes. "Wherever you walk, I'll walk."

"Then let's walk fucking home, because it's cold as shit, and I only used this as an excuse to propose."

They turn to walk home in the midst of falling morning snow. Their voices can still be heard as it fades from the echoes of the frozen park.

"So was that why you were acting all weird last night?" Steve asks.

"Shut up," was all that Billy can say in his own defense.

But Steve understands that it was his now-husband's way of saying that it was true.