#(I deeply relate to him while being aware that I am nothing like him)

[koldefingre]

He’s my personal night light

[binniebeams]

Numinous

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader

Genre: Angel AU, Angst?, Unrequited interest.

Summary: Hyunjin is an angel tasked with painting someone’s life to see where they get placed in the afterlife once they pass on, but one day a particular soul catches his eye and he begins to romanticize them through his own art.

Wordcount: Just shy of 1.5k

Warnings: Talks of death, the afterlife, depression, drunk driving, character death, manipulation.

A/N: I am trying not to criticize this but I haven’t written something this long in a while so I am also proud of it. If any of the warnings are things that will make you uncomfortable then please DNI.

Tags: @twisted-tales-of-all @kwanisms @yoonguurt @anyamaris

If humans really knew what went on in the afterlife, the processes that angels had to go through, and the stresses they faced. You’d think it was like a corporate office or retail during holiday seasons, the angels were used to this though since they are aware of their job from the moment they are created. Hyunjin was born to the visual sector, the painter hall as it is more commonly called, these were the angels tasked with painting each significant event, core memories, and decisions someone makes in order for the final judgment team to be able to make a decision on where that particular soul ends up. He was gifted, there was no doubt about that, he could paint someone’s life in a matter of hours whereas the other angels could take a day or two and often treated it as just another job. There was a strict policy of keeping personal opinion and interest out of the decision, and for a while, this wasn’t an issue until one day a new assignment was laid on the table next to Hyunjin’s easel…

You were a standard case, nothing incredibly special or outlandish, and it seemed relatively easy for someone like him. Hyunjin started with your childhood and things like the first bite of your favorite food, you falling while riding your bike and losing your baby teeth, to things like the first time you felt joy. He was used to seeing these things in each human he painted, but what he wasn’t expecting was to paint the first time you formed a crush and how deeply you felt it. The feeling was so odd for him, making him want to throw shades of pink and gold all over the canvas, but he had to hold himself back and focus, no matter how enticing this small taste was.

It started with you asking your crush to prom, and the rush it gave you the minute he said yes, Hyunjin could feel how your heart raced and the butterflies that rushed through your body, next it was your first kiss and how adolescent soft lips made contact after class. He loved how even the slightest bit of affection set your heart off on a race, and how he could somehow feel every touch you had but on his skin instead like sparklers ticking him. You weren’t happy though, were you? Hyunjin could tell by the small knot in his throat, tugging at his heart, he knew you had a deep pain growing inside of you. 

This knot is often attached to heartache, be it after a breakup or a death, but this one was different since it didn’t really stem from anything and instead was always lurking inside of you. This was a new feeling to him since angels never really expressed emotions but he could feel the seams of his heart being played with and he wanted it to stop…he wanted yours to stop. This cycle continued of life event after life event and working his way up the timeline to you in college, which was a tough time for you. You grew up with these high expectations put on you and he knew that, he knew that all too well because of the physical weight he felt on his shoulders, you were carrying a lot weren’t you? Both your mother and your father were educated and they wanted the same for you but how are you supposed to tell them that you don’t want a formal education and that you want to follow your passions in the art world?

There was a strict rule about trying to relate or connect to any human that you are assigned to but Hyunjin honestly couldn’t help it..every pressure you faced, every emotion you felt, even down to every sensation you experienced. It was all shared with him and led him to create such deep and emotional pieces of work all centered around you…*his* muse. Even though his attraction and infatuation with you blinded him, there was no way he could ignore the pain you would go through as you made it to your third year in college and the pressure of just getting your current degree just to have a job was weighing on you and the constant pestering from your family wasn't helping. 

Today was the day and Hyunjin was dreading it as he came into his studio for the day. The room was littered with discarded brushes, half-full cups of paint water, and works of art that started so clear and so vivid but as your eyes traveled down the wall, the works became more and more distorted and painted you as some damsel that needed rescuing from each of the people in your life…In his eyes, it was his job to protect you and care for you after he saw the pain you had gone through. It was his duty to make sure no one broke that precious heart of yours ever again. This is exactly why this plan was all he could think about last night, in his mind, it seemed simple but her knew the execution would be difficult. He started to prep his station, pulling out the last few blank canvases. He didn’t bother to restock, he knew what was coming and what was going to happen…this was the end of your life, your last twenty-four hours, and the hardest painting to usually complete because this is a big factor in the angel feeling satisfied with their job. The countdown clock had begun and he started the scene with you getting ready for the evening and painting each detail all the way down to the small rips in your jeans. A party? Seems about right for young adults, but it could also lead to some stupid decisions that you would find yourself the victim of. 

Drinks poured and hours passed as you felt yourself becoming more and more intoxicated, you needed to find a way home, and soon. “Y/N come on, I’ll drive you home~” no, not tonight, this won't do. Hyunjin knew the truth that your friend drove and you were simply the passenger, he knew that the friend was the heavily intoxicated one who caused the crash but that was too clear-cut…that ending wouldn’t ensure the crossing of your path with his…His brush started to splatter paint across the image he had made, screwing the perspective and twisting the event to make you the driver. This was not how he pictured the ending going but the thought of your male friend being the one with you in your last moments and you going on to the more positive end of the afterlife infuriated him to the point of being irrational. His mind was snapping and his hand was moving frantically, this was it, he was sealing his decision by making you the driver and your hands were gripping the wheel so tightly as your foot pressed harder on the gas to easily make the car go into the triple digits on the speedometer. 

The time was coming, the final fifteen minutes, and all you could hear coming from his studio was a burst of maniacal laughter and things crashing around as he started knocking paintings over and throwing the empty jars of paints around. We can only assume this was his own way of replicating the out-of-control nature of the car, or maybe he had finally fully lost his mind, we may never know the truth. Then, it happened, the canvas was splashed with red, so much so that the crimson liquid started to drip from the bottom edge and onto the hardwood floor of the studio which was quiet except for him panting…there you were, on the pavement and glass surrounding you, police lights shining in the distance as your friend called out for help but it was just barely too late…you were gone, a victim of his demise and a guilty soul in the eye of the judgment council which is exactly what he wanted. For this was not your judgment, but it was in fact his, he had inconceivably violated laws that the angels could never even imagine breaking. 

“Now that his final piece is complete, for the crime of mixing emotion with your art, we find the defendant guilty in this court of peers. The visual escort member known as Hwang Hyunjin is to be cast down and exiled!” Oh, this was exactly what he wanted, he knew it was coming so he had time to come to terms with this fact, but it couldn’t have been more perfect for it meant he would go exactly where he wanted to. He was one step closer to finding the soul he had become deranged with love for, his muse and his obsession, one step closer to you. “Let the search begin my love…:”

[filzmonster]

If I may, this brainrot has been eating away at me, I just need to hear someone else's opinion! ✨️

At what point did you start shipping Gil and Break? What made you go, "yes, that's it!"?

What do you like most about them? I beg, share as much as you can about your thoughts on them! I need to hear it all! 😭🙏

fuck yes of course you may! Thank you so much for asking! *cracks knuckles* I've been waiting my whole life for an opportunity like this, so let's dive right into it!!

So to answer your first question - how I came to shipping them - let me start by saying that it took me a while. Tbh at first I didn't really pay a lot of attention to Break and all the cryptic things he was spewing (I have no excuse for this except that at the time I was obsessed with another manga that had a similar clown-ish character, so Break, at first, felt a little bit too much like a copy of that character for me to really be intrigued by Break).

Also, I was very much blown away by the platonic ... whatever that thing is ... between Gilbert and Oz, so I didn't really put on the shipping glasses for a very long time.

I watched the entire anime without developing any ships.

Then I started the manga and by then I was already so very, very, very deeply invested in everything, so this time around when I got to the specific moment that made my brain go oh, there was nothing stopping it from going oh.

It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this? a look ...

... and solidified itself with

1.) Break caring about the fact that Gilbert supposedly forced himself to act like he was still his friend after his past got revealed

and

2.) Gilbert caring about the fact that apparently the last ten years, in which he saw Break as someone he wanted to be trusted by, meant less to Break than they meant to himself.

(I could write an entire seperate post about what it means that Gilbert wants Break to trust him and the parallels to his entire "I want to be needed" issues because Gilbert is always more focused on being the person that "is needed/trusted/wanted/etc." by the people in his life, rather than being the one needing/trusting/wanting/etc. the other person - if that makes any sense. ANYWAY --)

There was no stopping myself after that.

My brain just went oh, this is very angsty from a platonic "my friend doesn't trust me as much as I trust him" perspective - let's make it EVEN MORE angsty by changing it to "my lover doesn't trust me" and the rest is history.

After that, I went back and looked at their other recent and significant interaction:

What was, up until then, a very significant scene for Gilbert (and for me - I was shook, and still am by this scene everytime I read it tbh) in relation to his issues regarding Oz and being left behind/no longer needed, re-wrote itself in my head into something Break said to Gilbert, a piece of very important advice, something said to Gilbert by someone who understood and even shared his desire to serve a Master, someone who already went through the exact thing Gilbert was scared of going through - losing his Master - and tried to help him, tried to push him in the right direction.

Break was the first person who looked at Gilbert and said "I want to fix him".

He saw what Oz couldn't see, which as how desperate and messed up Gilbert had become with the appearance of Alice in Oz' life, and understood.

This kind of understanding is what, in my eyes, is at the core of this entire ship.

Then the gang went to the ruins of Sablier and honestly, I ate that shit up:

This showed that, even though they understood each other, there was still some kind of power imbalance between them.

At this point in the story, Gilbert was still very much Not Aware of how messed up he truly was. Break, on the contrary, figured out that there's some other, far shadier stuff going on.

Break was admittedly smarter than Gilbert and tried to guide and help him. I love that he shows he cares like that, by slowly but not at all gently pushing Gilbert towards confronting his issues. He is definitely being a teensy-tiny bit manipulative about it, but who doesn't like a little bit of toxicity with their fictional ship??

Uuuuhhhhh after Sablier, the Isla Yura/Headhunter arc happened and while at that shitshow of a party, they had a lot of very nice interactions between them - alas, listing all of them in detail would make this already escalating post waaaaaaay too long, so here's the shortlist:

They confront Elliot together, and Gilbert manages to land a hit on Break

Gilbert realizes that Break is blind, all while Vincent is trying to lure him away so that he doesn't go to help Break

Gilbert's little flashback to probably the first advice Break ever gave him: get your priorities straight

Break sort of gives up the fight against Fang and Lilly

Gilbert shows up and kicks him in the back, going all "I'm his left eye" while also saying: you're my priority, too, you idiot.

Gilberts fixes up Break's wounds and then scolds him for not asking for help even though there are people he can and should ask for help - and isn't that a fantastic parallel to the very first scene I brought up in this post? How this entire thing, for me, started with Gilbert asking, desperately "Why don't you trust me?" and now we're here, with Gilbert, again, asking "Why don't you trust me?" Only this time Break doesn't meet him with the silent air of someone who sees himself as superior, more experienced, but answers his question with a request, finally accepting him as an equal: "please help me."

And then .... AND THEN ... it gets even better:

Listen. LISTEN.

Mere moments ago in the manga it was established that Break is utterly unable to fall in line with someone, unable to work in a team, unable to be a partner. He even repeats it himself: Sharon calls me Mr. One-Man-Show.

But here's Gilbert and he says: I don't care. Do whatever you want, I'll meet you halfway. I'll keep up with you. Let me show you, let me prove myself to you. I'll have your back. Trust me to have your back.

And Break does.

And then a lot of shit went down and it's all very, very tragic.

And then this happens:

And I realize that this is not The Most Important Thing in that chapter and that what happens right after is way more important than this little panel, but I want to talk about the perspective used here for a moment.

This is shown from a frontal perspective. We see Gilbert standing in front of Oz from an outsider's POV, someone who looks at them, someone who sees Gilbert stepping in front of Oz.

This is an important scene and an important perspective in more ways than one, so bear with me for a second, please, as I go off on a little tanget.

See, this scene is very reminiscent of a later scene:

A later scene that is shown from Oz' perspective. Because this time it is important that Oz sees Gilbert stepping in front of him, protecting him despite everything. This scene is for Oz.

The scene prior to that wasn't for Oz.

It was a little bit for us, as readers, foreshadowing that Gilbert, finally fully aware of all his memories, still choses Oz. It is the promise to us that Gilbert will pick Oz' side and ultimately safe him.

It was, truly, for Break.

Break, whose first priority was to get himself between Gilbert and Oz the moment he realized the truth about Gilbert.

Break, who wanted to protect Oz from Gilbert, who wanted to protect Gilbert from Gilbert himself.

Break, who saw, and realized and had faith without even knowing the whole truth.

Now look at all of that and tell me how I was supposed to NOT ship them.

Also, feel free to tell me why YOU ship them :)

Alright, now that I've spent ... an atrocious amount of length on this post to tell you when & why I started to ship them, let's move on to your second question: what do I like most about them?

Weeeeeelllllllll ... a lot of that is already answered between the lines of the "how this ship came to be" elaboration, so I'll start with a short little summary:

there are a lot of parallels between Break's past and Gilbert's present that allow them to understand each other in this very specific way no one else probably can

they push each other to grow/be better (with Break pushing Gilbert to confront his issues and Gilbert calling Break out when he's being a stubborn idiot and refusing help)

they support each other through their lowest points, again and again.

the fact that Gilbert accepted Break, truly, for who he is. That he looked at Break and went "this guy's weird and creepy, but I'm still going to work with him, I'm still learning how to cook for him, I'm still going to try to listen to his advice even though I don't really understand it yet, I'm still going to be his left eye and stand by his side and build a relationship with him that is built on trust, and I'm still going to look at him as a priority"

the fact that Break looked at Gilbert and went "I see you, I'll help you. I'll use you, sure, but even after you've lost your usefulness to me, I'll still help you figure yourself out. I accept you as my equal, please help me. I'll act like I don't care about you, but I do, oh lord, I do. And I'm so relieved that you chose well. I always knew you could do it."

Also, the thing is - I'm a Gilbert girly, so obviously I care about him and his relationships the most.

And for the most part of the manga, the most important relationship, after his relationship to Oz, is his relationship to Break.

Sure, there are Alice and Vincent and Elliot, and even Sharon and Reim and Oscar.

But the one who keeps showing up in all his most important scenes, the ones that deal with his issues, his struggles, his choices - is Break.

And not just that, they keep showing up in each other's important scenes that don't focus on them at first.

E.g., Gilbert is there when Break asks Oz "Where are you?", a question that will haunt Oz for a long time.

Gilbert is there after Lutwidge academy, when Oz and Break have another moment together, and vice versa Break witnesses another key moment between Oz and Gilbert.

Break is there when Gilbert chases after Zai Vessalius in the ruins of Sablier. Gilbert is there when Break wakes up blind.

Break is there when Gilbert regains his memories, and he's there when Gilbert choses a side; and he's there, always there, when Gilbert is confronted with his relationship with Oz. He's even indirectly there when Gilbert gets inspired by Sharon who wants to become stronger so that she can stay by Break's side.

They play a big role in each other's lives even when they aren't directly part of a main event.

Almost like they keep thinking of each other

They grow from "let's use each other for our own benefits" to "I'll risk everything for you". They inspire each other to be better.

They understand each other. Break gets a side of Gilbert that Oz, Gilbert's most important relationship, and even though he grew and learned to understand Gilbert better in the end, will never really get.

Likewise, Gilbert manages to cement himself in Break's life as someone he can trust and rely on, something that comes very hard to Mr. One-Man-Show. I'd even argue that not even Oz managed to become an equal for Break in the end, since Break's last thoughts towards Oz are still "I have to support and guide him", and Oz can't offer him any real solace - that position, ultimately, falls to Reim and Sharon. We're totally ignoring that Break and Gilbert do not really share a last, significant scene, just go along with me please

Anyway.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that their understanding of each other is the most important thing for me. That they are able to have this relationship outside of their other important relationships (Oz & Alice and Sharon & Reim respectively). That they help each other to grow and even teach each other how to better their other relationships.

They have such a big, positive, meaningful influence on each other without ever really trying. It's like they see no other choice but to be there for each other when one of them needs the other.

I love them, your honor.

Alrightttttt, with all of that said .... I think I'm done for now?

Feel free to add your own thoughts and tell me

a) How you came to ship them and why

and

b) What you like most about them and why

Again, thank you very much for asking!! This deep dive really did a lot for my general well being and showed me that while apparently I still know a lot about Pandora Hearts by heart, it may still be time for another re-read soon :)

Also, it's been sooooo long since I've had an opportunity to talk about Break/Gilbert and it was a lot of fun!!! I'm really grateful for that and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on them! <3

[mintacle]

Tim Drake stans up in arms to defend him because of my post saying that I dislike it when people woobify Tim to the point of spitting on Jason. I realized later I didn’t specify that the post was about the fandom’s representation of the Titans Tower fight between Jason and Tim, ut it’S still fairly obvious from context.

I hate that I have to repeat it but: Jason never tried to kill Tim, never intended to, Jason was 18 at the time and Tim was 16. The only run in which Jason is a mass murderer is from a decade ago by Morrison who had the agenda to push Jason from an anti-hero into a pure villain character. It was an experiment and it didn’t go well. It’s not so much a part of Jason’s canon character as a weird thing we don’t talk about. Something like pink kryptonite or the people that Batman actually totally did kill, but it was just slightly off-camera. So no, Jason is also not a crazy mass-murderer, he does murder, but not randomly or just for the heck of it.

Also @ all Tim stans, idk man, I prefer my Tim to not be rendered completely helpless and empty because of his traumas, but to understand him as a conflicted character with his own agency. I am completely in support of writing fics and reading fics with helpless characters at times to satisfy one’s own craving to be saved from a situation you are powerless in, that’s just fanon indulgence and 100% cool my dudes, what I take issue with is when this happens at the expense of only extending understanding and the privilege of being saved to victims who are deemed agreable, such as Tim, while condemning victims who are unagreeable, such as Jason.

However it is also more compelling to me to see Tim as a smart and constantly trying character. I think in canon he is highly self-reliant and has purposefully built a support system of friends around him to not have the same flaw as Batman to end up alone and dependent. I personally prefer stories of Tim attempting to save himself from whatever the situation is and seeing him using methods that should have worked and seeing it not being enough, because I can relate to that more than having given up in an abusive situation, BUT! I deeply understand that my experiences with abuse are not universal. When I was stuck with my abusive father I kept trying to negotiate or find a way to move out and nothing would ever work and I’m more familiar with needing a Deus Ex Machina sviour because everything I did wasn’t enough to save me, than needing a savior because I cannot ask for the help I need. Sometimes speaking up is more dangerous than trying to endure, sometimes speaking up is terrifying, sometimes you are not aware that your situation went across the tipping point and should be understood as abuse. Fans that relate to Tim for any of those reasons or others have my full compassion to indulge in Tim whump however much they want to, God knows I have too. The only thing I take issue with is the demonization of Jason in the Titans Tower incident and the misrepresentation of canon without disclaiming it as headcanon/fanon just to elevate Tim’s victim status. 

Because that is preferential treatment of one type of victim over the other. And that is what is so hurtful to me, personally. 

[bonesandthebees]

Omg I went to watch The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes with some co-workers and we absolutely loved it! What are your thoughts on it?

-🌻

ooooo I have so many thoughts though I also wanna say I have not read the book yet (I was originally planning on waiting to read the book before I saw the movie but then my mom wanted to watch it and I wasn't gonna just say no-) but I am aware that there are differences between the two. so my thoughts are all mostly based off the movie but will likely change after I get around to reading the book

first and foremost I loved the production aspects of the film itself. the sets and costumes being vaguely 40s/50s inspired was so cool and such a fun way to show how much the Capitol has changed since then and the main series. in the main series movies we see the aesthetic of the Capitol as something incredibly ostentatious and over the top. we see that a little bit in tbosas (mostly with Tigris and Dr. Gaul, whose costumes felt the most 'Capitol-like' in terms of the Capitol aesthetic of the og trilogy) but for the most part while the outfits are a bit strange, there's nothing too out there. you can see the roots for how Panem got to what it is in the main trilogy, but you can see that at this point in time Panem really is a recovering war-ravaged city. it's just such fun silent worldbuilding that I really appreciated

(will cut this off here for spoiler talk from here on out)

now with the story, I was definitely thrown off a bit by the pacing at first. everything felt very fast and almost jarring for the first quarter of the movie. but I understand why they had to rush it given time constraints, and it wasn't bad enough to make the movie unenjoyable. outside of film talk though, I really did enjoy all the characters and mainly how they contrast to Snow despite how close they are with him

Tigris and Sejanus are the most obvious examples of this. Sejanus, of course, is from the districts first and foremost and empathizes with the other district citizens because he's one of them. With Tigris, although they're cousins, Tigris and Snow were far closer to siblings and you can see how deeply Tigris loves him. I saw one post saying that in a way, Snow was to Tigris what Prim was to Katniss and that comparison is making me insane because of how true it is. And despite their hardships, she feels so much compassion for other people, especially the tributes. She's the one who empathizes with Lucy Gray and points out how if she was in her situation, she'd just want to know someone cared about her. Despite most of the Capitol treating district citizens like they're another species, Tigris can put herself in their shoes and by all means Snow should be able to do the same given they both had the same rough upbringing.

And the worst part is, at least in the movie it seems that Snow is able to empathize with the people from the districts. He can understand what they've gone through. He and Lucy Gray commiserate over going hungry as children. He relates to them in a way few other Capitol citizens can.

The part I like the most about the story is that yes, Snow can understand the district citizens better than most Capitol people. He just chooses not to care. He chooses to be cruel time and time again. He chooses to step on everyone else to get what he wants. His descent is done so well, showing how despite having all the opportunity in the world to be a better person, despite everyone who cared about him believing he was good and could be a good man (Tigris, Sejanus, Lucy Gray) he simply chose not to be. And it just makes him so chilling.

I think one of my favorite bits with Snow was when Sejanus gets hanged. Snow flinches, he looks regretful knowing this was his doing. That he got his friend killed. He's not standing there smiling like this was his master plan all along. He's 18 years old and he just indirectly murdered his only friend, and for a brief moment, he feels sick. But then it's done. The sin has been committed. The only way now is forward.

again I'm just basing this all off the movie so maybe his thought process in the books was different I just really really liked how Snow's character was done. also I loved Lucy Gray of course and I think the worldbuilding with the Covey is so fascinating. but yeah this is already long enough so here are my rambles

[thousand-winters]

What are your favourite tlh characters and why?

Hi there! ✨

If you have seen my blog the past few weeks, you probably can guess some of them, but here we go:

Grace

I feel like Grace is one of the most complex characters we've ever gotten in TSC and it feels like such a breath of fresh air. Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly aware that these are YA novels, so I generally don't expect the books to be super amazing, I know what I'm signing up for, but that's precisely why I like her so much. Her personality is very unlike other female characters we've gotten in the series and I don't mean that in a "not like other girls" sense but in the sense that it caught my attention immediately, because CC doesn't have the best track of giving her girls gray morality without treating them like they suck for that.

I guess I was always curious about her? Even in CoG she gave the impression she was more than she seemed, and reading her backstory in CoI just made me hurt for her and root for her to have a happy ending after so much misery. There's something really satisfying about characters that have faced so much hardships finally getting a chance to simply be.

Alastair

Oh, boy. When I first read CoG and I read about Alastair, he felt to me so much like my older brother that I loved him immediately. It helped that I found his snark incredibly funny. However... as I kept reading TLH, he actually started reminding me of, well, myself. For many reasons, but let's not get too personal here, haha, let's just say I found his flaws, his struggles, and his stubbornness to go on in spite of that very relatable. How could I not love him deeply and dearly?

Aside from my biased reasons, I also find that his character is written very consistently and I loved his character arc (I stand by how simplistic some things felt in COT, but even so), how he had his highs and his lows, that was very nicely done. He also feels like a complex character because he's allowed to fuck up badly and it doesn't get swept under the rug, though I would say they go the other way with him and Grace by being too harsh, but I'll take my wins where I can.

Christopher

Oh, Kit, sweet Kit, you were the best of them all. Christopher is such a great character because, while mostly ignored the first two books, he's endearing practically without trying. CC's books have this thing where sometimes they try to convince you a character is likable for X reasons and it simply doesn't work for me that they tell me that I should love a character.

Christopher doesn't have that problem, they kinda present him to you as this klutzy nerd, but he's so much more than that. His logic helps him be the most compassionate and kind from the group, no matter what the narrative tries to tell you. He's perceptive, he's fair, he's fun. Who doesn't like Christopher even if he isn't their favorite? He knows what he is and what he wants and he follows through with it, he's such a pillar of the group that passes unnoticed because he's always in the background, but by the gods, he's so good.

Honorary mentions

Thomas and Ari.

I adored Thomas in CoT, though I must admit he doesn't spark my curiosity and excitement quite like the other three did, in the way that I would get immediately engaged the second I saw their names on the page. Nothing wrong with him, just my personal preferences, but he was truly funny and sweet and I quite liked that!

Ari... I do like her, in a way, I wanted to like her so bad, but she's trapped as the love interest in Anna's narrative, and given that I have no love for Anna's character or their pairing, it was hard for me to enjoy her appearances. She didn't have a chance to shine on her own, but when I think of all the ramifications of her story, I swoon a little. She could be so interesting.

[bizarrequazar]

hi! i'm pretty new here (yes i am horribly late i regret it immensely) and i have a few questions on this whole /hand wavey/ situation with zzh.

1. so i've read that he's submitted a defamation lawsuit in dec 2021 and seeing as there aren't any updates i could find and how it's currently 2023, i'm just wondering if the length of this process is normal in china's judiciary system?

2. this one would be more of a matter of personal opinion. the more i discover about this whole scheme the more it seems as if it's deeply entrenched in the very workings of c-ent. people seem to be overall quite optimistic but as a person somewhat looking in it seems like he'd have to dismantle the whole system before being able to obtain justice. do u personally think that zzh will be able to return to the industry - even if it does take a very long time? (asking this to protect my own heart bc i think i'm love him)

3. i've found the link of the woh archive and the link in your master post of some of junzhe's individual works but i'm just wondering if there's a comprehensive archive of zzh's past appearances (reality shows, interviews, etc.). i would be very grateful if u could direct me to people who have access to these - either in the intl fandom or on weibo.

thank u so much for reading through all of that and for making information readily accessible to new fans! i was so confused for a while trying to navigate social media ... please only do respond if u would like to i'm aware that i'm asking a lot. have a good day!

1. Length of the defamation lawsuit

(I'm going to preface this by just clarifying that I have no formal legal training. My knowledge largely comes from what I've learned since I started following Zhang Zhehan's case, and if anyone has corrections please do let me know.)

To give you a short answer, yes the length is really nothing surprising.

To give you a long answer, please see [this post] for a good breakdown on the legal process in relation to Zhang Zhehan's case. In summary, even the simplest cases usually take half a year at best to be seen by a judge due to backlog, and Zhang Zhehan's case is far from simple. As a comparitive, I like to bring up a much more standard lawsuit Gong Jun had against an anti in 2021 which took 13 months to be fully settled. That was a civil lawsuit, while Zhang Zhehan's is likely a criminal lawsuit, which I'll get into in the next paragraph. The complexity of his case is also increased by things such as what the scam gang has been doing—one of the main purposes of the Instagram account, Zhang Sanjian, etc. is likely to complicate things in order to drag the legal case out longer.

This goes a bit into your next question, but part of the situation with Zhang Zhehan's case is that while his individual aim is the defamation suit, that's not all there is to it. CAPA has a monopolizing presense within c-ent, which is why 813 was as successful as it was. Last spring, the Chinese government began an initiative aimed at dismantling industry monopolies, and CAPA is the prime target of that since 813 is a spectacular example of association overreach. When Li Xuezheng was active, he stated that a lot of not only legal bodies but also government representatives were very interested in the case, and this is exactly why—813 was meant to make an example out of Zhang Zhehan, now Zhang Zhehan's legal case is seeking to make an example out of CAPA. The government itself is likely invested in this case, which is a double-edged sword: it means that Zhang Zhehan has a better chance of winning, but it also means that they're going to be very meticulous in order to ensure the victory, which takes more time. (This is also probably why CAPA is still continuing to put resources into defaming him: Zhang Zhehan's victory may mean that CAPA is dismantled altogether.)

One other thing to keep in mind with regard to news of progress is that while usually legal cases in China are public information, exceptions can be granted by the government in instances of very sensitive cases. Given what I said above, it's possible that Zhang Zhehan's case falls under this.

Also, while there haven't been any official updates on his case, based on the scam gang's pattern of activity and the recent attempted attack on Li Xuezheng, a number of us who have been following things closely suspect that something has recently happened behind the scenes.

2. Returning to the industry

I think this is going to come down to a matter of Zhang Zhehan's own desires more so than the industry at large.

As stated above, there's a heavy chance that his victory will mean that CAPA will disappear as a force against him—even if it's not dismantled, he will have the legal proof that they have no grounds against him. On a more individual level, I think it's reasonable to say that there are probably a lot of people within c-ent who would be happy to see his victory and his return, either because of personal connections with him or simply because it will eliminate (or at least mitigate) the threat of another 813 happening to them. It's also clear that, despite the scam gang's efforts, he still has a very large and loyal fanbase within China.

The real question is whether he wants to return to the industry, and that's really something that only he can answer. 813 really showed just how cruel c-ent can be. It may be that he decides to return fully to acting, it may be that he decides to take a more behind the scenes role such as becoming a director, or it may be that once he wins his case he will choose to pursue another career. Only time will tell.

3. Archive of work

Ironically this is actually the trickiest part to answer 😅 The issue is less that interviews are hard to find and more just that most of the accounts that have uploaded them have turned whaler... I recently set up a YouTube channel of my own to try to circumvent this issue, but I haven't had time to do much with it yet, sorry. (I should be getting to it towards to the end of this month, hold me to that.)

Some resources that I'll give you are Shi'er on Twitter, who has compiled an AMAZING archive of Zhang Zhehan's Weibo posts including videos, and 浪钉之家, GJ & ZZH, and wenzhou subs on YouTube which have more recent (ie. 2020-2021) stuff. zzhellyfish is one of those who has turned whaler, but on YouTube at least they haven't uploaded anything since 813; they're a good resource for subbed interviews including some older stuff.

Hopefully this answered everything you were wondering about. Please never be worried about sending me questions, I enjoy having the excuse to talk about him.

[deadrayg2mf]

Entranced by the Basilisks (Monstrous Matches #3) by Lillian Lark

I know I've said it many times about many authors... But Lillian Lark is for real one of my favorites. I think she is my final addition to my top five, so I'll have to start saying top ten after this. Her writing? Immaculate. Her characters? Interesting, funny, relatable. Her plots? Full of depth, romance, and a little bit of angst. Not to worry, we always get our happy ending. The world she has built around this love bathhouse universe is one that I am deeply in love with. Of the three books I've gotten to read (que me desperately figuring out how to get my hands on the lake monster and werewolf ones) not one has left me wanting for anything but more, more, more!

This is the third of the monstrous matches series in the love bathhouse universe. It follows Emilia, who we first met in the second book Deceived by the Gargoyles, the restoration expert of the library that holds the supernatural worlds Archive. Following the traumatic incident of her being kidnapped, Emilia is now aware of the supernatural world that her best friend, Grace, is a part of. If it's not enough to find out that the things that go bump in the night are real and your best friend is a witch, Emilia gets thrown into dealing with her own supernatural troubles as an innocent touch to a serpent kin book leads to her getting cursed. Now with snakes for hair and a stony stare, she is desperate to find out how to get back to normal.

Luckily for Emilia, her boss just so happens to be a basilisk. Limited but capable due to his bloodline, Jasper, who has always had an eye for Emilia is there to help immediately when Emilia accidentally turns her coworker to stone. Jasper decides, despite the rejection he slapped on him the other night, to request help from his long-time fling, Ari. After another incident with Emilia's mother, we end up with Emilia, Jasper, and Ari all living under the same roof so that Ari can help Emilia train her new powers while they all search for ways to try and reverse her "chosen" condition, as Ari calls it.

Of course, with a chosen around now, Ari is determined to lock them into a triad as he knows this is exactly what he needs to get Jasper willing to mate with him... falling in love with Emilia is just a step along the way. Though charismatic and fun, Ari is a skilled player when it comes to manipulating the game board to get what he wants, which is why his tight lips and strategic plan is exactly what ends up getting the triad into trouble when Emilia finds out he has been lying to her.

The romance is delightful, I have to say, I think this is absolutely my favorite in the series so far. Each character had their own unique qualities and inner conflict which had me binging the whole book in a day. Emilia with her anxious yet quiet determination trying to figure out if she's okay with what she's become and the world she lives in. Jasper with his cold aloofness but underneath desiring nothing but to be wanted and needed. Finally, Ari, who desperately wants to keep those he loves but internally doesn't know if he can do so without lying to them yet also knowing that keeping his secrets will lead him to nothing but trouble, hurt, and regret.

The smut is... by far my favorite of anything I've read... Is that crazy? Well, then call me nuts. And it's plentiful... Like, really plentiful for 370 pages. It's basically full of every single way these three could have gotten down and dirty. Plus... snake men. (Sue me, I've got a thing for the scaly guys... but then, you pry do too if you're here :))

This is a fun and flirty romance embroidered with a little manipulation, some angst, one happy ending, and a whole lot of three-way positions. Lillian Lark is an excellent writer who brings her world to life through her relatable (sans being anything but human) main characters and their struggles in life and love. I highly recommend the love bathhouse universe and hope you enjoy it as much as I do. 9/10

Also, if you were wondering, between when I saved this draft at my lunch break and finished it off after work <(￣︶￣)> I got the lake monster and werewolf paperback books ordered.

Would I read again? Yes, and I already want to, and I just finished it a couple days ago!

Would I recommend? 100%, please check out this series it deserves all the love

[jewishtwig]

Shabbat shalom! I'm not sure if you're going to be online between now and Sunday so if I don't see you on the internt until then, have a lovely weekend!

I'm just reaching out anonymously to sort of combined vent-and-ask-for-advice about queer Jewish conversion stuff, since I know you finished your conversion journey recently and might have similar experiences.

Basically, I'm a queer and trans Jew-in-progress with lots of queer friends who live near where I attend synagogue. And we all know that serious Christianity-related religious trauma often comes in a package deal with being queer in a culturally Christian country. You can probably tell where this is going.

My friends are all vocally supportive of my decision to become Jewish, but we have some hang-ups. I came back from Shabbat service the other week and excitedly told them that it was a children's service that morning, and that some of the kids had performed a play for us. One friend asked what play it was, then got uncomfortable really fast when I told them it was Joseph's technicolour dreamcoat.

(Side note: the play was awesome! Children have the wackiest senses of humour and there is nothing funnier than hearing a 10 year old scream "anything but the pit!!" while trying really hard not to laugh.)

Anyway -- the dreamcoat story is one my queer friends are all familiar with in some capacity from their Christian schooling. You and I are aware of the similarities (lol) and differences between Christianity and Judaism, and that we will often see versions of the same texts and tales in both contexts because of appropriation and the like. My friends understand this in theory, but gentiles will be gentiles. They hear alarm bells when I say 'dreamcoat' because it was Christian to them before it was Jewish. The fact that I chose to be excited about the play without also downplaying it by going "dont worry guys it's not the christian version!!" has noticeably damaged their opinion of me.

Things like this keep happening, where my friends will be verbally supportive, but then start acting really really awkward around the topic of religion, including when I casually mention things like no longer being free for gay brunch on Saturday mornings because of Shabbat. They're uncomfortable that I find value in the same Bible verses their Christian grandmas quote (even though I've explained that Tanakh actually tells a different story to their Old Testament and can have a completely different meaning). I swear they all think that by getting involved at synagogue, I am willingly putting myself in close proximity to Christianity, and they are either scared of me for it, or secretly think I am a traitor.

They don't understand that feeling squeamish around 'Bible-thumping religious nuts' is deeply antisemitic. They don't like it when I talk about G-d because they are convinced that the Jewish and Christian G-d are one and the same. And for the record, yes I've explained why the concept of 'Abrahamic' or 'Judeo-Christian' faith is all bullshit, and yes I've explained that they are very much not the same G-d, and the response I got from them amounted to 'well there's different beliefs about G-d but they all come from the same initial concept and refer to the same entity so they're the same'. I just gave up on trying to explain; I'm not Christian so I'm not making it my problem if they're unwilling to divorce their feelings about religion from Christianity. I'm still learning and I will not be their teacher.

The way my queer friends look at me now makes me so sad. It's like they are expecting me to start quoting Bible verses over the dinner table, or make everyone say blessings with me, or burst into a monologue about how G-d is great and everyone should believe in Him. Half the people I've 'come out' to as a convert have responded by saying "that's great I'm so happy for you! But by the way I just can't do religion, it's not for me, no offence or anything but I just don't believe in G-d." as if that's in any way necessary. And these people know me. Why do they suddenly think I've turned into the type of person to proselytise or look down on people for not being religious?? As if there's not literally a prominent Jewish teaching that bans proselytisation and promotes religious freedom among other cultures???

It's driving me nuts. My friends treat me like a stranger now. I've known some of these people for 7+ years and they know I'm a queer-as-fuck dickhead with a personality and a traumatic Catholic upbringing of my own. I've always been really vocal about my opinions and I never shut up about my hobbies. It's not like I'm their mormon grandparents, I literally post ass on twitter. But suddenly they don't know what to say when they see me. I can feel everyone treading on eggshells around me because they are expecting me to suddenly take offense at them being atheist or areligious or for eating pork idk. And on that note I've had vegan friends try to argue with me that kashrut is immoral and that I'm a terrible person for following Jewish dietary laws instead of going vegan. And don't even get me started on what they try to tweeze out of me regarding Israel.

For people who say they hate antisemitism, they sure liked me a lot more when I wasn't studying to become Jewish. I think that if they understood how much this was affecting me, they might realise what they're doing and stop, but explaining myself hasn't made them get it. I know they are not trying to be antisemitic but I feel so alienated and lonely. I was prepared to accept that my friends might not be the right people to talk to about faith, but now they won't talk to me about anything without making it awkward.

I truly do believe my soul is Jewish and that this is a journey I need to take. And if that means I lose friends for being religious then so be it. But it really fucking sucks and I don't know how to deal with it. Other people really think they have the clearest perception of religion because they're not part of one and nothing I do or say can unconvince them that my judgement is clouded by faith. I don't want to lose them. I just don't know how to make them understand what I am feeling, or if I should even bother to try. Is this a common experience, do you think?

Shabbat shalom!

I hear you, and I cannot imagine how frustrating and upsetting this situation must be for you.

I was willing to give your friends the benefit of the doubt at first, but the more I’ve thought about it and the more I’ve reread this message, the more upset I’ve gotten on your behalf.

The fact of the matter seems to me that they’re claiming to be supportive of Jews but when presented with actually future Jewishness they are not being supportive and are actually being pretty terrible.

Additionally, they aren’t being supportive of you as a person. Your choice isn’t going to impact their lives at all besides maybe needed to move a brunch date and yet they’re still alienating you. I don’t fully know the situation, of course, and it’s your choice, but from what you’ve said they don’t sound like people who have your best interests in mind and don’t seem like great friends.

Unfortunately, this isn’t an entirely uncommon situation (especially in queer spaces in my experience but that story is a tad off topic). I know I lost some friends during my conversion and it damaged my relationship with some people as well.

Ultimately I see it this way: for reasons of physical safety and mental health, if someone has an issue with me because of my religion then I don’t want to be around them.

I hope you’re able to find some supportive friends. Maybe try seeing if there’s a queer community group at your synagogue! Or start one!

I truly wish you good luck with this situation. Please let me know if I can help you in any way. Congratulations on starting your conversion journey 💙

[zaritarazi]

okay i know i just ranted about this on twitter and i know that everyone tells me kendra and carter aren’t getting back together in the comics and i know that we’ve already gotten them live action once and will likely (🧿) have them again and i am so fucking excited, but like-

okay longish rant about kendra and carter and dc continuity under the cut

i wasn’t entirely sure what was going on with kendra and carter until last month’s hawkgirl #1, where we get this

where like. okay so then if we like, pay attention to how dc’s been trying to merge these canons, gd help us, kendra told carter she loved him when she died in blackest night. and then shayera was there for a while! and like, if kendra’s aware of that, i feel like that fucking sucked! and then metal happens and wonder woman literally used kendra’s love for carter to save her from being lady blackhawk. and then we get another fucking shayera, and starman is like “i took the soulmates part out of kendra and put it into shayera”

and to sidebar for a second, i’m gonna be honest. the only hawkmates at this point that has any appeal to me is carter and kendra. because once you have soulmates who don’t want to be soulmates, who fight, who break up, who struggle but still love each other in ways that always pull them back together, it feels so fucking cheap to just slot in shayera as carter’s nice and tidy soulmate again.

like, it’s boring!!! and it’s fundamentally like, okay so this isn’t even romantic anymore. like they’re soulmates, okay, but all of the struggles and challenges are still in kendra, too, and shayera and carter have felt so fucking hollow for years. because there’s nothing to keep them together but the soulmates clause. like okay here’s them going on adventures together! sure! whatever? don’t you miss the fucking thrill? don’t you miss being challenged to be better? 

and now we know, apparently, that kendra does still have some kind of feelings for carter. and we know jadzia has mentioned hawkman and hawkwoman will be mentioned in this. and right now, it feels like from kendra’s perspective, carter just kind of... left. like she says “that’s over now” and yet she’s clearly so fucking sad and alone and like. what happened? where the fuck is this man? like i know everyone tells me they’re not getting back together and okay, sure, but who the fuck ever knows what’s going to happen in comics i could end up being right!!!

and this might be because for most of my life kendra has been the contemporary hawkgirl in the comics, but like- she’s the more interesting one. she’s the one who keeps getting put in live action for that reason. and i’m not saying shayera isn’t interesting, i’m saying that she hasn’t been given nearly enough to do since her revival. and i don’t really feel like going further into that, because this post isn’t really about her!

what i want is that kendra and carter and shayera reunite and kendra and carter have repeated and incredibly painful confrontations. and i will not rest until they have those and then engage in deeply problematic sex.

and like, until i get isabela and aldis on the big screen, i’m going to be over here being difficult about this. and i will never change and i will never improve and that is a FUCKING PROMISE!!!!

and i’m not just saying i like kendra and carter more bc they’ve always had an age gap. but when it comes down to it, who’s side do you really fucking think i’m going to be on here

highkey also did carter actually break kendra’s heart in the longrun because i’ll disown him in a second. this is just like dickkory. i love this ship and i love the man in relation to this ship but if you hurt her, you are fucking dead to me and i mean that

[koldefingre]

He sees you.

TYSM 4 100 followers!!!!

[cliffburton]

Hey not to be weird but like the cliff thing… is actually a kinda decently common thing! The term I grew up hearing for it is “spiritual ancestor”, which is basically just shorthand for “I have a really deep connection with this person and they’ve deeply influenced me to the point where they might as well be distant family despite us not being related or having ever met”. I’ve felt it before with other people (namely Kurt Cobain and Marc Bolan) so like… you’re not delusional it’s just no smth that comes up a lot (I felt awkward about commenting on the actual post so that’s why this is in annon sorry) (also wow this is really ramble-y but it’s like one am and I’m really sleepy)

i feel like it's still different from it, i have been feeling this constantly for like 3 years and i still can't fully explain it to ppl, but like. idk. i feel a "connection" to him but i don't like calling it like that. idk why, it is that but maybe it's that i associate connections to things u can control and unlink but i can't unlink myself from this. tried forgetting abt it and it just made me more miserable than i had expected. lol.

i have dreamt of him but my dreams have always been scarcely remembered. they're nice and i think of them when nothing else does. i have had "sights" of him, like, feeling he's there very strongly, almost seeing him, not rly but almost. definitely hearing him. for a while i "talked" to him in my head every night in my room. part of my routine is going to the back of the house to pretend like i'm talking to him abt my day.

i don't feel like i am pretending i feel this like it is but. if i am being cruelly yet sincerely crude i am aware that the most likely and truthful and fucking grounded-in-reality explanation of this is that i am just lonely and i got sucked in to my self-made hallucination. i think it's real but maybe it's not. idk. i wanna believe it's not smth i made up but i have to be realistic. i feel that a day of these i will have to wake up from this fantasy and realize that the way the world works is. so much bleak and less "magical" than this. wtvr.

[redheadlesbianfreak]

🔥 for tmnt and 🔥 for fanfiction (or writing, thats good too)

don't have to answer both but would like to hear your opinions on them

Ooo, this is such a great ask, thank you!

For TMNT 🔥 I have quite a few opinions, but here’s one of my biggest ones: older versions of Leonardo aren’t boring characters. Far from it. They usually have great character arcs or fun aspects to their personality. I think in the earlier iterations of TMNT, Leonardo’s personality is one-note, but that can be said of his brothers as well.

The Rise version of Leo is a different take on his character, which is valid, but it doesn’t mean it’s above the rest just because it’s different. I appreciate the quiet Leo, the one who struggles with being leader. The one who has to keep those struggles to himself, the one who is scared of failing his brothers, the one who wishes he could let loose like them.

As for myself, I love all four of the turtles deeply. Michelangelo is traditionally my favorite, but I find Leo relatable in many iterations. I’m the oldest, I’m quiet, and I also struggle with perfectionism. I appreciate older takes on this character, and it can be disheartening to see people say “there’s nothing to him” because he isn’t as loud or cracking jokes all the time.

For writing 🔥 this is an interesting one for me. I just started posting my work online fairly recently, which is a bit terrifying. It’s also taught me a lot about myself and about the way I see writing in general; now, I kudos and comment regularly, where I used to be too shy. I think my biggest unpopular opinion is that it’s okay to delete your works from the Internet given the circumstances.

I really don’t think it’s a good idea to delete or trash your work permanently. Yes, you’re older work is going to look bad to you, but only because you’ve since grown as a writer. Other people will likely still enjoy your older works. That being said, I’ve seen authors say they deleted their works from AO3 for mental health reasons or because they wrote them at a very bad time in their life. And then they got harassed by readers.

Usually, I see people say to never delete your works from archive sites, and to just orphan them. Because “what if it’s someone’s favorite fic?” And yeah, I would say that’s good advice for someone who is embarrassed by their older work, but for someone who is deeply upset with knowing it’s still online? Sorry, but mental health is more important than fanfiction.

I would never delete my own works online even if I do tend to get the insecurity bug. They’re proof that I was able to write and publish complete stories, and I am proud of that. I also think that you need to be aware that once you post something to the Internet, it’s going to be there forever to an extent.

That being said, it’s important to remember that every situation is different, sometimes nuanced, and the same advice doesn’t work for everyone. And while I almost always believe in archiving, you can always repost deleted works, and it’s never okay to sacrifice mental health for the sake of strangers on the Internet.

[madcontainer]

Mods Asleep, Post Words

Trying to get some Asura-related thoughts in order. This is, of course, rife with spoilers, which should be evident from the character being discussed.

Firstly: I have only ever watched Soul Eater fan-subbed, so I am not sure if the dialogue I draw my conclusions from is even close to official translations, or original intentions.

We don’t get to explore Asura very deeply in the anime, and while I am aware of certain manga plot points, I have not read it in its entirety, so this is a lot of conjecture. With that out of the way, here are some disjointed thoughts.

I’m interested in Lord Death’s/the translator’s specific choice of words here. “Simple and cowardly,” as in the repeated strategic choice to retreat is not complex and he is made predictable because of that. Additionally, “simple,” as in lacking intelligence/perceived as mentally deficient in some way.

I’m not sure whether to interpret Lord Death saying that Asura has always been that way as a straightforward insult, or as a legitimate identification of Asura’s behaviour made into an insult.

Additionally, in the first fight with Lord Death after Asura’s resurrection, there is another line that I took note of.

The line “you’re smarter than I thought” is said after Asura flies just outside of Lord Death’s range. I’m not sure if Lord Death insulting his intelligence is just meant to be cruel (since he does call Arachne a “pig bitch whore” at one point, in the memory that is preserved in the explosion), or if it has any bearing on how Lord Death actually perceives him.

We know that Asura initially fought alongside Lord Death (with his weapon partner Vajra, who I have not forgotten), so I doubt that he was ever incompetent, despite his constant paranoia. He is also a fragment of Lord Death and our other reference for how those fragments manifest is Death the Kid - who is definitely neurotic (to an exaggerated degree), but a competent meister and not to mention a legitimate (if unfledged) deity.

This is a side note, but during the battle in episode 48, about slightly past 7 minutes in, Death the Kid yells in concern for his father, and Asura is shown glancing over and taking note before Lord Death starts unleashing attacks again. Later, he gives Lord Death a piece of “advice” before blasting his way out of the Death Room with Vajra’s laser - that relying on all those rules would be fatal. I thought that was a neat touch.

The manga’s additional context could make that hurt all the more. Death the Kid’s clear attachment to and concern for their shared progenitor and Lord Death’s willingness to jump in front of the shot to protect him (and Azusa, while Excalibur needs no rescue) at the cost of his own ‘life’ sure is something.

Asura made a wise choice in exploiting Lord Death’s weakness, though I wonder if he felt anything about his own relationship with Lord Death while doing so. To put it flippantly, sucks to not be the favourite.

-

Asura is quite rigid and particular. He also disagrees with there being “rules” one has to follow. I don’t necessarily believe this is a contradiction.

I think it is interesting that Asura points out Lord Death’s more child-friendly mask and patterns of speech twice - once when he is freshly resurrected, and again during the battle in the Death Room.

Additionally, in episode 51, he says the following:

“And then there is nothing weird nor funny.” This translation is clearly slightly “off,” but I have also seen it subtitled as “there is nothing strange or unexpected.” I have no screenshots of this, however.

To me, this reads as having a specific, rigid set of internal principles that he conducts himself by.

It seems like Asura wants things to make sense - he wants to understand them, or he has a very limited ‘window of tolerance.’ It comes up that largely arbitrary societal ‘rules’ are at odds with this, but I highly doubt they’re the entirety of the issue.

Being opposed to the humorous, child-friendly death, sugarcoating things and providing an ‘order’ to an inherently disorganized and chaotic world makes sense. This is beginning to read suspiciously like an “Asura did nothing wrong and was entirely right” post, which I wasn’t intending, but I can’t say I disagree with peeling the thin skin of reality away and exposing what lies underneath.

-

I have speculated a lot about Lord Death in this Asura-focused post, so enough of that.

Throughout all of this, Asura remains outwardly calm and honestly fairly polite. He doesn’t shout or yell aside from when he first resurrected, and later when he had to regrow his arm during the Death Room battle. The paranoia and violence only visibly escalate with provocation.

Asura’s retreat from the city and acceptance of Lady Arachne’s invitation don’t seem particularly cowardly to me. He sits around, catatonic in a temple, and then allows Lady Arachne to pet and fuss over him as she sees fit (not helplessly, of course). 

This instead seems like he has traded one form of containment in the dark for another. He didn’t just bounce back from his imprisonment, ready to drive the entire world to madness. It is stated in episode 25 that his Madness Wavelength is limited by distance, and initially he holes up in an abandoned location.

I don’t say this implying that Asura chose to be imprisoned again, since he clearly has significantly more freedom - even if he chooses to exercise that freedom by emulating the same position he was in previously. It even makes sense that he’d do so, crucially, on his own terms.

800 years is an incomprehensibly long time to remain locked up, and he does not strike me as keen to reintegrate into society. Lady Arachne’s madness amplifier and promised protection is a way to achieve a set of goals beneficial to him, without needing to drastically change anything about the situation he has adjusted to or re-enter the new world that he has been thrust into.

[arvalisintravenous]

Blog entry #1, Regarding my stalker of almost 4 years.

I don't expect or necessarily want anyone to read this blog. I am creating this exclusively to document and analyse my own behaviour and the behaviour of my stalker - who, coincidentally, I have began stalking back.

It all started just about 4 years ago, when I met a man older than me by about 6 years (I hadn't yet even reached 18), incidentally, I have come to understand and realise that this man was what I would categorise as "defective", distinct in his innate inability to emotionally relate and connect with women his own age.

Do I think this man was a pedophile? No, I don't 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 think he was. I believe that quite simply he lacked maturity and was not considered attractive enough to be a worthy competitor to women his own age. That being said, while I like to believe he is not actively seeking out girls for the sole fact that they are very young, I am adamant in the theory that he was no less a 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿.

He seeks out impressionable, willing girls. Dazzled by the fact he has a car and a job - often teenagers with little life knowledge and low standards, easily susceptible to manipulation and love bombing. He is used to the power being forever in his favour, why wouldn't he be? A doting mother who is forever spoiling and idolising him, a family who continues to infantilise him - he is by definition, raised a brat. Never told no. I hated him for it.

The harsh truth was he meant nothing from the beginning. While I am ashamed to admit, during a difficult patch with my (now) ex lover, my eye had drifted and I came upon him. His distinct and interesting aura waned on one simple fact: he never showed his face in photos. He was always clad in full motorcycle gear, helmet firmly on in every. single. photograph.

Admittedly, I was curious and I imagined the face that could be hidden underneath - the uncertainty and mystery intrigued me, so I directed my attention onto him. He was reciprocal, desperate - it was evident that our interaction was organic and thrilling to him. We hadn't met on tinder, we were a chance coincidental encounter. I had sought him out after glancing at his profile on mutual friends. This made him feel special and important, I could tell.

The trouble was, my then lover was indifferent, and although I was filled with hate and anger at the months of preceding injustices, I was utterly and innately obsessed with him. During the millionth departing and breakup (which, was never really a breakup as we always reconciled days later) I gave into impulse and decided to direct my attention back to the other man. I figured I could finally find a new object of desire and infatuation, that was significantly more disposable, to dampen my unbearable attachment to my lover.

In layman terms, I was intending to entertain myself with this man until I no longer cared so deeply for my lover, thus being able to discard him and, shortly after, his replacement. But of course my plan went wrong.

I met the man and upon seeing his face I was slightly disappointed, I had envisioned various faces he could wear, but the one he came with was not what I had expected or wanted. I did not find him as attractive as my lover, but I persisted, as although he was comparatively pathetic, he was evidently keen and it stroked my ego.

During the few days we got acquainted, I did not kiss or engage sexually with my companion. I addressed him by pet names of affection and lightly twirled his curls, saw his face crumple and melt in mock adoration and I made him feel like he was the centre of my universe.

I was not stupid, I was aware he too was playing a game. Mimicking intense love and attempting to lovebomb me, while unintentionally being the victim himself. Eventually, my lover and I reconciled, and I coldly withdrew from the man, deceitfully clarifying my intent of exclusively friendship which he obliged with hope I would change my mind.

Everytime my lover and I would break up, I would redirect all my attention and adoration onto him, each time he fell further and further. My lover and I eventually departed ways for good and I decided in a desperate attempt to distract myself from the heartbreak by finally investing in a non committal relationship with my companion.

This did not go well, as I eventually discovered he had undesirable and repulsive interests that did not align with my own sexual proclivities. To specify, he liked feet. After an evening of discussing his interest, he lamented a little too much of an ex who never cleaned her feet or changed her socks and how repulsive this notion was to him - his feigned disgust gave him away, it was obvious his fetish entailed more than he was comfortable divulging. This man began to revolt me.

Despite the drugs and constant indulgence of vices, food and drink he became more insufferable by the day, and by the time my interest had almost entirely dwindled a convenient (and abhorrent) secret had revealed itself. A girl had come forward to detail how he had (very recently might I add) travelled over 100 miles to see her for sex, the disgraceful thing? She had only recently turned of age during the interaction, revealing that he had intentionally groomed her for this very purpose.

I was disgusted and thrilled - disgusted that he had crawled as close to the line of being a pedophile as he legally could... and thrilled that I finally had a reason to detach. He took it poorly, insisting he was going to commit suicide shortly before disappearing. My solution was to block him and call the local authorities, leaving them to deal with him. What little empathy I possessed for him initially was snuffed out after my discovery of his barely legal pal.

He was found a mere days later, sleeping in his car. A concept that made me positively cringe at his pathetic descent into obscurity. Shortly after I began to officially allow myself to grieve the loss of my tumultuous original lover, coming to terms with his inadequacies and infidelity, which I came to understand I had reciprocated.

This concludes the initial introduction and swift departure of the man that started it all.

[marcuspierce]

okay, so while i was working on the formatting of my really really long answer, i tried to save it as a draft but the ask just... disappeared??? it's not in my inbox, not in drafts, not even in my queue! it's just gone???? so i am very sorry for not answering your ask directly, anon, but i did take a screenshot before that for ease of referencing + saved my answer in a word document so at least i can still answer your question, even if it's in a roundabout way!

here's the answer, exactly as i had intended to answer it before tumblr decided to be a bitch:

oh this is such a lovely question so thank you, thank you, thank you for asking!!! i just love anything that involves intimancy/vulnerability and commitment when it comes to these two and this combines those concepts so well!

before i put a read more (both for length and to hide some bitterness that slipped through), i will give a tl;dr and say that i have thought about it and my answer is yes! they would/could definitely end up considering having children, and they would/could even have some!

this is actually a concept i have previously explored some years ago in two fics and a post about adorable onesies, and, more recently, in two parts of my series of social media edits! at first i only wrote them with one child, but in my posts from this year they have two!

read more time now!

now, before i begin actually talking about the specific matter at hand i just wanna say... when you say that you wish rory's inclusion had been better executed do you mean that there should've been (more of) a built up around lucifer, who, even as far as season 4, said that he detests children and wants nothing to do with them, actually being downright enthusiastic about being a father? or at least that there would be some sort of a more specific exploration wrt his feelings about random children vs a child he has contact with (such as trixie or charlie, who are clearly dearly liked by lucifer) and how that would relate to a child of his own and how his life circumstances (being in hell - perhaps/hopefully there aren't many children down there => discomfort due to lack of contact, but as he lives longer on earth that diminishes, OR just in general his insane self-esteem issues/self-hatred that are deeply tied to his time in hell and the things he had to do there, which would push him away from fatherhood simply out of kindness towards his imaginary future child - or his own childhood - it is so so clear that at least on a subconscious level he is aware of cycles of abuse, due to his deep hurt and displeasure when he heard from adult!rory that he sucked as a dad, plus he sees a great deal of himself in his father, which would just contribute to his self-hatred and would result in a refusal of fatherhood in order to not "inevitably" repeat the abuse he endured at the hands of his father... or, if actually faced with the done deal, it would result in... well, whatever breakdown amenadiel had about charlie, but probably more extreme)? or perhaps it is about him being forced to be an absent father and therefore not break the cycle of harming your child that his own father started and that lucifer was shown to desperately want to break? or just a combination of all of these things?

ok, phewwwwww, i am done with the rant, but thank you for giving me the opportunity to rant about one of the two only negative hills about this show that i am willing to die on! cause well, i actually stopped watching the show some good seasons back because i realized that the writers and i had completely different ideas about how to approach things. and while most things i can just chalk up to that, well, everything i heard about rory and lucifer has left such a horrible taste in my mouth and nothing has been able to make me less pissed off about it!

on this note, my knowledge about seasons 4-6 is pretty spotty and therefore i generally only make use of concepts/plot ideas in my analysis wrt long term piercifer. so yknow, some characters, mainly marcus' parents, are most likely nothing like their canon counterparts!

ok, so now to get to the actual topic at hand, i think that the subject would definitely come up and it would be a huge issue, i think even on par with them needing to figure out how they work together and how to make their relationship fulfilling for both of them. which makes perfect sense, because this is a life altering decision, that affects both the individuals, but also the couple, AND, most importantly, the child. and the child truly is a faultless party in this whole thing, but also the party that would be hurt the most. it is not an easy situation and it requires a lot out of them. so both of them acknowledging and treating it like a big deal already is a step in the right direction.

for lucifer, i already outlined some ideas in the rant above:

firstly we have him just not being used to interact with children so he associates that uncomfortable feeling of inadequacy with a displeasure for children (tbh i feel like he is not used to interact with people, in general, outside of very specific contexts but that's a bit less related to my point) so point against fatherhood no1!

but, this is the easiest to solve, as it just takes time. after all, the more you do something, the better at it you become! but, because it is something that changes slowly over the course of years, that means that lucifer would be quite oblivious to it. everyone around him would notice, it would be hard not to. he stops being bothered by children just... existing where he also happens to exist. he starts getting along quite well with trixie and even starts asking her parents about her and buying her presents for her bday. when it comes to charlie, lucifer's thrilled to find out that he's going to be an uncle and he's quite emotional when amenadiel offers him to hold charlie, and he obliges very happily and afterwards he talks marcus' ear off about the moment. he is also very happy when it becomes clear that charlie likes him.

and everyone notices these things, except for lucifer. so when asked he still insists that he hates children and that he just cannot stand the little "parasites", but after a while people stop taking him seriously when he says things like that.

but not hating kids does not a father make, and lucifer's other hangups are far more complicated and deep-rooted, namely his own chilhood and the resulting trauma/issues. but for these things it is mostly a matter of realizing that you need help and then asking for it, which lucifer is trying to do. and i definitely think that finding the kind of therapy that is most useful to him would help him tremendously and that + a support system (which he has in his friends and marcus) would help him get to a point where most of the day to day stuff becomes manageable and then he can focus on more deep-rooted things, things that he may not even realize are influenced by his trauma or that he doesn't think affect him, such as how his trauma influences his views on certain issues and one of those issues would definitely be parenthood. and the conclusion would be that his self-hatred, both from him having to go against his morals and do horrible things to survive in hell, but also from seeing himself in his own (shitty) father and therefore expecting to turn out the same, has absolutely influenced how he feels about the topic.

for marcus, on the other hand, i feel like there would be a journey. like, i always saw his parents being young and inexperienced at just... life, in general, when they have him and they don't really have who to go to for help (well... i suppose grovelling for g*d's forgiveness - just so they could ask the guy some questions - was an option, but not doing that was the better option ny far), so they don't really know what raising a child means and because of that they end up being quite neglectful. as such, marcus had to learn how to fend for himself and attempt to fulfill on his own as many of his needs as possible really fast, especially once there was someone smaller and needier than him around, so he became very capable, responsible organized, as Knowledgeable as one could be in that situation, but also both cautious and quite curious and willing to try stuff out at the same time, and also someone who could fake maturity really well and who was really good at taking care of others, which extended into being good at reading and interacting with people. all of these things come from him, at least subconsciously, realizing that, despite being a toddler who's faking it, he's the one person in that house who has any idea what they're doing and that that position is one that desperately needs to be filled.

all of this results in him emotionally distancing himself from others and retreating into himself, starting to built the wall/armour that he would later on use as a jaded, heartbroken adult. and a consequence of that retreating into himself and of prioritising this role he has bestowed upon himself is that he doesn't really explore who he is and what he likes and wants until adulthood. as such, parenthood is, at first, something that he does to be fulfill a role that was assigned by society and by fulfilling that role he blends in with everyone else and the ways he is not like everyone else stay a secret, but also it's about doing something familiar, something that he knows how to do. but he likes. loves it, in fact. he adores that child, and is, therefore, a complete wreck when that child dies after having a life, growing and changing and getting older while he just stays frozen in time, looking the exact same way as he did when said child was born decades earlier.

but, the first tragedy would come before that, when he would realise that everyone around him is visibly growing older while he stays suspiciously young, and people will notice soon and no one can notice. and as he packs up he is forced to endure abandoning the child he loves so so much and miss out on the little time (by his standards) that he had left with them. and he couldn't even tell them. doing so would defeat the purpose of leaving.

still, he tried again and again and again, just like he had with friends, lovers and just about any connection one could make. and no matter how much he tried, it always ended the same way, until he decided to stop trying and he allowed his armour of apathy and his wall of isolation to fully encircle him and solidify cause then he wouldn't get hurt. we know how well that worked out and what it did to him... until he met lucifer, that is!

finally someone he can be fully honest with, someone who can see him exactly as he is and oh, he won't leave him either!

so really his issue, as with all things relationships and connection, is mortality, as it is a luxury he doesn't have, but one that any children he has will have. so it ended up being something that he considered to be off the table for him, and he didn't think to revisit those wounds and that issue in therapy even after lucifer came into his life and nestled himself a place in it because, well, for decades on end lucifer's stance on it was clear. and marcus was fine with it as that wasn't a wound he was keen on reopening and picking at.

but then those decades passed and lucifer reached a point where he had worked out through enough of his issues that parenthood did feel on the table for him. and trying to bring it up did not go very well, at first, because they just weren't quite in the same place... yet! but that alright, cause they had all the time in the world, and when they did end up in the same place all was well and all was easy cause they were, in fact, on the same page.

with one small potential caveat: marcus was all for it, he had loved being a father and he had always wished he could do it right, but he couldn't bear that pain, the pain of watching his child grow old and die while he stayed the same, ever again, nor could he bear the thought of lucifer ever feeling that pain either. that could be an issue... or not. i don't see how any child that is not completely human wouldn't be immortal lmao

and if that really is the narrative the show decided to go with well... loser behaviour! boo tomato tomato! good thing i don't care and, even if i did, there sure are ways around it!

but yeah, the child being related to lucifer and therefore immortal is exactly lucifer's argument and that realisation sways marcus pretty quick!

and i think in a scenario like this, where they both give themselves and the other the time to heal and to figure out how they work as a couple before bringing another family member into the mix, they would be wonderful parents! sweet, caring, attentive, affectionate, intentional, just all the good things. and it would be easy... because they have learned what not to do (well, that's not a guarantee, but all of that work towards healing sure brings it close to a guarantee).

i think that's it! going further than that would be off topic... and just excessive given the insane walls of text i already wrote lmao

so, again, thank you so much for the question and i hope this was a satisfying... and coherent answer!