#(Guess who's relistening to the finale at the moment?)

[noodyl-blasstal]

Maff Guy

It's @taznovembercelebration day 22 and we're still on the train, baby! Today's prompt was "fix it" and this happened. I think it's prime for the expanding at some point though?

Read below or on Ao3, catch yesterday's here if you missed it!

-

Maff Tutor Wanted

That definitely wasn’t on the notice board last night when Kravitz was closing. The request was polite though, kindly worded, enough to make Kravitz believe that “Taako” really did want some help. Kravitz snags the poster, he’s not going to reduce his chances by letting anyone else apply. What was another job to add to his collection? Orchestra did not pay as well as people seemed to think - especially in the season break that Gerald insisted they have because when else was he going to visit the second house his family bought him as a treat for graduating. Not that Kravitz was bitter. No no, it’s fine. It’s even more fine that Gerald got all the solos because his parents were very generous with their donations. Totally and completely fine.

Kravitz carefully adds the number to his phone and forgets about it until break time when the poster falls out of his bag as he attempts to wrestle his reading out. His manager had banned him from reading at the register, even when the place was empty.

Kravitz [10:32] Dear Taako, Are you still looking for a maths tutor? My name is Kravitz and I would be willing to work with you on your math ability. Kind regards, Kravitz.

Kravitz is face first in a paragraph about orchestral arrangements which seems to be trying its best to be as incomprehensible as possible when his phone buzzes.

Taako - Maths Tutoring [10:48] That’s what it’s called here? When can you start?

Kravitz reads it again, just in case he’s missing something, but nope. What the fuck do they call it anywhere else? Oh… Unless it’s the math/maths thing?

Kravitz [10:49] Dear Taako, Thank you for getting in touch. I’m free Thursday evenings between 7am and 9pm, Fridays 10am to 3pm, and Sundays any time. Would any of these slots be suitable for you? Kind regards, Kravitz

He’s rereading the paragraph for the four(…teenth?) time when Taako replies again.

Taako - Maths Tutoring [10:58] Taako’ll take all of the above.

All of them? Kravitz does some quick mental maths (to warm up for the tutoring) the wage on the poster times all of those hours is many many of money. So many of money he might be able to jack in the survey job. He loathes having to con people into filling out their personal details on the stupid little tablet computer for a ‘chance to win’. He especially hates that they’ve started using GPS to make sure he’s ‘on the move’ i.e. not holed up in the toilets making up answers for a variety of fake people he’s busy inventing… in his defence, it was very rainy. Taako might be a murderer, but there’s not really a way to ask that that won’t lose him the job. Taako’s also probably not going to reply with yes I super duper am, swing by at 7 and give him a heads up on said murdering. He’ll give it a go, then decide whether to quit the Pulse of Neverwinter role or not.

Kravitz [10:59] Dear Taako, Okay, shall we meet at the library? We can start tomorrow. Kind regards, Kravitz.

He rehouses everything in his bag and makes it back to the counter before Jenkins can yell at him for going over his allotted break time. When he’s allowed his 15 minutes for lunch (Jenkins’ break schedule is bordering on sadistic) there’s one final text waiting for him.

Taako - Maths Tutoring [11:02] CU there.

Kravitz stands nervously in front of the library. He’s swiftly realising that describing himself or setting a meeting point other than ‘the massive fuck off library’ may have been helpful.

“KravitzSaysWhat” Says a voice from behind him.

“Wuah!” Kravitz jumps and spins to look at the speaker.

“Well that’s no fun, you’re supposed to say what.” The man, the very handsome man, stood behind Kravitz pouts adorably.

“What?”

“Better late than never.” The man smiles wide and wild. He has a gap between his front teeth and what looks like days old eyeliner under his eyes. Kravitz thinks he might be the most most handsome man he’s ever seen. “The handle’s Taako, I believe you’re maff guy?”

“I… uh.” Kravitz says intelligently, tutor-ily, super responsible trust me with your education-ily. In his defence, he didn’t expect to have to use his being-normal-around-hot-guys brain alongside his thinking-brain today. “Oi oi, pleased to meet you.”

Oh good.

Fucking perfect.

He’s cockney now apparently. He truly thought he was past the anxious accent. Shit.

“Ooooh, a man with an accent, Taako loves it. So, shall we get down to it?” Taako gives him a slow once over and Kravitz wonders if they’re still talking about the tutoring. Honestly, Taako could teach him anything any time, he’d listen. Maybe they could take turns?

“Sounds good to me.” He remembers the accent, thank the lady. “I booked a study room.”

Taako tilts his head and frowns at Kravitz. “You’re not a murderer right? If you are and you don’t tell me it’s entrapment.”

“No.” Says Kravitz. “But that’s probably what a murderer would say… Are you one? I wanted to ask, but just picked a public place as I thought you’d probably lie if you were.”

“Cool.” Taako shrugs and doesn’t say anything about his murderous intent or lack thereof. “My sister made me ask.”

“Do you need to tell her you checked?”

Taako scoffs. “Already did, handsome.”

He’s walking away before Kravitz can decide whether he’s more interested in the fact Taako definitely didn’t text his sister during their conversation or being called handsome by him. Apart from he can, and it’s the latter, even though it probably shouldn’t be. Kravitz sets his shoulders back, stands tall, and follows behind. Handsome! Taako thinks he’s handsome.

–

“Okay, so I’m gonna level with you. Cha’boy gave up learning maff like mmmm, 50 years ago, it kept being different and I was just passing through, but now cha’boy’s staying put there’s no escaping it. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

Kravitz is baffled. Those are definitely all words he knows, but they sure aren’t in an order he can comprehend.

“So now that you’ve decided to stay here…” Kravitz pauses, hoping Taako may decide to fill in a blank for him here.

“You forgot about your accent.”

“I mean…” Kravitz tries in his very Cockney twang.

“Nope!” Taako cuts him off. “Too late. You can tell me all about why you decided to do that later, but right now, Taako needs to know how to add shit because he keeps fucking up in shops and apparently my sister and brother in law decided to fall in love with a place that has taxes.” Taako glares at the concept of taxes which is apparently currently inhabiting the corner of the room.

“Okay. Where would you like to start?”

“Just gimme everything. You don’t need to know baby speed, I know gangals.”

“I’m sorry, you know what now?”

“Nevermind, let’s build it from the ground up. I bet you’d construct some lovely foundations.” Taako’s eyes linger on Kravitz’s mouth.

Kravitz has no idea what the double entendre is entendre-ing at, but he’s a big fan of whatever is happening right now.

“Are you familiar with the Arabic numerals, like 1-10?” Kravitz asks. There’s something he’d like to be familiar with, but it’s not number based.

“I can think of something I’d like to be familiar with.” Taako has no shame, he doesn’t even look vaguely embarrassed.

Kravitz ploughs on valiantly… he can think of something else he’d like to plough. Oh shit. No. This was bad teaching. Could you get fired for impure thoughts? “Maybe if you write here the numbering system you’re used to we can work from there?”

“Whatever you say, kemosabe.” Taako takes the pen from his hand and begins scribbling. A few minutes later the page is full of incomprehensible squiggles and a number 5.

Kravitz points to it happily. “I know that one.”

“Everywhere does, it’s the one thing that never changes. Taako doesn’t count on much, but he can always count on five.” Taako laughs then, like he’s just told a great joke, like he’s the funniest man alive.

Kravitz laughs too. Taako can be whatever he wants to be.

An hour and a half later and Taako’s got the hang of the numbers. He knew most of them, it was just the order that was tripping him up. Kravitz is almost disappointed when he realises they’re at a natural stopping point.

“So, you said all of Sunday was free… Wanna come see my ship? Taako’ll cook you dinner as a thank you for the numbers.”

Kravitz should say that it’s fine, he should say he doesn’t go to clients’ houses, he should say that Taako doesn’t need to pay him back for anything because he’s literally paying him.

“You live on a house boat?”

Taako cocks his head and looks at Kravitz for a moment, then smiles. “That sure is a thing you can call it.”

-

Hope you enjoyed! Wanna read more? You can find the next prompt here.

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 15th December ✨

I listened to so much audio drama this week and have so many thoughts!! 🫨

🌨️ @thewhitevault (15) First off all, PSA: someone has been leaving negative comments on Spotify instead of hitting pause and moving on with their life like a normal person would. I personally love the split focus between Goshawk and Cairo and really feel like we’re getting closer to finding out what is actually happening to the sites. Sure, it’s a different kind of tension, but if the show followed the same formula every season it wouldn’t be the best in the game, would it? If everyone could show some love to TWV this week, that would be good!!

🌲 @hellofromthehallowoods (177) damn, I’m sorry but I think Mx Wellman needs to teach action-writing because these scenes are so tense but also fluid and easy to follow! I guess we finally know who the quartet are? I think I had been hoping that it wasn’t going to be the people we knew a little as kids but . . . isn’t that just the way in life that people you knew as children grow up and join a corrupt system of oppression that allows them to perpetrate harm!! Shank remains such an interesting character, of course he’s going to go for the Sheriff’s dpt now, why not! And the actual pig memories made my heart hurt a little. 

🔎 @224bbaker (13) Had a relisten this week for the general release and, my god, there are too many banger lines in this ep to list them all but no context giggles include: “Push that down, James, it’s probably nothing.” & “balancing the egos of the hogs, you get it”. ALSO thank god for the transcript because tell me why I initially re-evaluated McMurphy as a character when I thought I was referring to his ex: “Joe Caster” 😭😂 Oops. I love Madge’s arc so far this season - so interesting to have a female lead who has some growing to do in the equality department. And a great gentle reminder for us all to stop appeasing the people holding us down xo 

🦋 @remnantspod (19) Another fantastic ep! That heart sinking feeling moments into meeting the teacher! Damn, that’s good writing!! Also, if we’re weighing in on whether someone should be judged on their own terms if they make those terms clear and exacting - I don’t think it is actually possible to judge someone without your own bias affecting your judgement. Now, the current almost-clean-slate of the Apprentice makes this interesting but immediately Sir asks him to compare Adelaide to Sid. Can one judge without comparison?? I don’t think so? Maybe the poor Apprentice was just relieved to have someone finally give some guidance on how to measure a soul. I also found it veryyyy interesting that the Apprentice chose to discard this remnant. It did come across a little bit churlish to me, as though he chose to do that to piss Sir off. But it did remind me of his reaction to Jonny in ep 2. Clearly murder is a touchy subject. . . 

🎙️WTNV (258 & 259) Listening to Night Vale is always such an easy little treat for me. Sounds like Steve is about to bite off a bit more than he can chew with a car company that’s literally called detour. 

🧋 @hinaypod (25&26) Ooough spooky dolls are spooky! My heart just about tied itself in knots hearing Donner and Mari reconnect and him realise she already had a Halloween Date. Then it froze hearing Mari sob 😭 she’s MY goodly witch and you need to stop making her cry!!! 

🗺 @tales-from-the-low-city (13) Absolutely gripping!! It might just be me, but I feel like this season is much darker in tone compared to last and this tale about a Fallen assassin fits right in. I adored the music, it added so much to the tension of the writing without being distracting. Loved it. 

🍾 @ameliapodcast (38) I love the fantastical eps as much as the plausible ones!! Truth serum, eh? I can’t wait to find out how this goes wrong 😂

🧳 Travelling Light @monstrousproductions (Q+A part 1) so lovely to hear Hero AND Matt answering the questions. The chat about working to deadlines and making peace with producing lots of work that is good but, most-importantly, finished is …. Really something to think about… I also definitely noticed when Óli disappeared from the polls 😂 it was fun to make the choices more mysterious!! 

Have a good week, everyone!!

[grifff17]

Audiodrama Sunday 10/27/2024

Happy ace week! As an ace audiodrama fan, I love how asexual friendly this community is. Special shoutout to @itmeblog, I'm so not normal about Nova InCoPod.

@lostterminalpod - This show will not stop introducing new AI characters and I'm absolutely here for it. I'm such a sucker for protagonists who are fundamentally inhuman but want so badly to be people.

@asbestos4president - NEW HAM! I love this show's sense of humor so much. TTS Twitch chat being a constant part of the story is so good.

@victoriocity - I'm finally listening to the rest of season 3. The telegraph scene was incredible. I'm definitely going to check out High Vaultage once I finish the last few episodes of the season.

Starwhal Odyssey - A whole episode focused on the Usegoni! I love it! “At first, it feels pointless to try and choke out a shrimp” was great, and the psychic pressure cooker is incredible.

@worldsbeyondpod - The party is reunited! They're just ending every single episode with a cliffhanger this arc huh?

@storiesfromylelmore - The parts of this episode where Voran is bullying Rion really made me want to punch Voran. Like true anger at a fictional character. Rion getting bullied hits so much harder with the insight we have into his character now. Besides that, I love how you can infer exactly what one of Keryth's moms said to the coven heads offscreen.

@worldgonewrongpod - This episode really nailed everything I’m feeling about the election. Seeing so many people on Tumblr who are refusing to vote for Kamala is endlessly frustrating to me. I’m always curious how episodes like this will age. Need to remind myself to relisten to this after the election.

@midstpodcast - Unend has been so chill so far, and I don't trust it. I know Third Person. I'm just waiting for something horrible to happen.

Mission Rejected - Great episode, so many good moments. I really have no clue how Athena and the Admiral selling real estate in New Atlantis is going to tie in to the main season plot with O.G., his scheme seems totally harmless, which I guess is why Athena is going along with it.

@keepitsteadypod - New episode! This show is so good, then oh shit the ending. I need to give this show a full relisten from the beginning at some point. Maybe in prep for the finale.

I didn't even listen to everything new this week. Need to find time for the Kingmaker Bodyswap ASAP.

[sideblogdotjpeg]

feeling like. ep 60 was such a fantastic arc finale battle ep. and auugh. like so many things. LIKE .

the slow build up of tension over the ep felt really good and perfect, as it escalates from alexandrite being silly and goofy to. gargantuan cyberflesh horror. and how the dice were UNCANNILY perfect for it all. like. the nat 1 vs nat 20 roll for the town and suddenly the entire mood shifts and the stakes are so much realer, and personal. followed up by the nat 20 for the town! followed up by TWO callie crits and her dealing 130 DAMAGE like each turn!!!! like!!!!! AUGH... the. just the beats of it all was soo good and.

tying to that .. the character moments for this ep were so good !!! every character got their moment to shine in the battle. already discussed callie absolutely whomping fucking ass, but of course the smaller moments as well. offering to go and defend calders town. seeing the faewild sky and "i think i needed to leave to become worthy of it" - like and as the culmination of callies arc. from someone who was so scared and running away to. staying, standing, fighting, protecting. AND ITS GOOD.

then of course theres calder. i mean also the . ARC. of the only thing he wanted was not to be overprotected. wanting to be useful - like his brothers, people who had strength and value in the eyes of their people, big enough to defend their town. and he has come all the way here. he changes the tides of the battlefield in the town - and he does it with the attachments of his friends and the love of his family. and like... god. really crystalising his ethos in a way that is foiled so well against gowan. gowan who was too proud to ask for help. vs "i cant do it without you" "but damn does it feel good when your friends have your back" ... !!!! AYYEARGH. like. hes becoming the protector of his home! but maybe now, his home is so much bigger than the ice knife, and hes not fighting alone .... YOU KNOW.

AND SOL!!!!! sol to my knowledge only deals 30 damage this battle but. as a resident sol enjoyer i !!! am VERY MUCH CLAPPING AND CHEERING!! at the deeply supportive role he took on for this fight. like hes the first to get the ice knife away from alexandrite, he gives callie an extra smite, silvery barbs.... ! like the short rest realisation of how different the battle wouldve gone without that silvery barbs is .... ! SO ITS GOOD. and at the end that he was the one to get the final blow on alexandrite and it was for swag is ...

and! that part was obviously a joke! as is the entire "keep em guessing haha alexandrite cant predict what were doing!!!" thing. HOWEVER. relistening to the ezry arc, and their first interaction w alexandrite as we now know her ... i just. REALLY feel like this is the spiritual successor to "were duck team and were messy and were friends and we do everything together and we absolutely suck shit all day long and all night baby". theyre so fucking stupid is the thing. and theyre messy and stupid and constantly saying things that are weird and make no sense and completely and utterly baffling .... and thats DUCK TEAM!!! (theres also a point here where im overreading somewhat. but the part about Keepin em Guessin... one could POSSIBLY argue it interacts in a MAYBE DEEPLY INTERESTIGN WAY with . the idea of the calculated certainty of the AI, the calm and cold prediction of the diviners, and the wild freedom of the peregrines. idk!!! maybe!!! maybe you cld even say that what lies at the heart of duck team is their messiness and outofplaceness and love and care and refusal of the tragedy!!! even!! maybe!! but YEAH. lol random XD ! keep em guessin!)

also the thing that made me write all this which is like. ! the final victory lap scene is just. so wonderfully cathartic, esp with how tense this entire arc has been. its just. fuck yeah we won and all our friends and family are here and safe and riding on mammoths!!! i mean. FUCKING ALBINS BACK!!!! GREGORS HERE AND KICKIN ASS!!! THE MA GOBLIN BRIGADE!!! A WIN. and ... that bit of callie just sitting on the roof playing a guitar as she stares into the fae wild sky is ... its good.. its good..

and all that is maybe. half the reasons why ep 60 is so good. i didnt even get around to talking about the fucking EMILY AXFORD SONG WHICH IVE BEEN PLAYING NONSTOP ALL DAY SO. yeah. so i like this ep i guess

[witchinatree]

magnus protocol episode 30 ramble

WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK WE'RE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING BACK

i was relistening today to get in the spirit but i only got through episode 15 :( it's ok though 16-29 were more recent

anyway i'm like hardcore tweaking because i need this so bad but i'm also so not ready for this HIATUS?? it's both over and we're so back

i'm like kind of nervous.... LMAOOO????? anyway um here's hoping my blog @is-teddy-vaughn-still-alive doesn't immediately have to start saying he's dead for the rest of time i've had it for like 3 days

this is going to alter me as a person.

TWEAKINGGG here we go :]!!

the magnus protocol intro goes really hard i think i've said this before though

he said job but i heard jon. dead end JON like the season 2 finale of the magnus archives

OH IMMEDIATE SAM POV LET'S GO I GUESS. sam stop ignoring her.

WHY DID MY EX JUST TEXT ME. WHY DID MY EX GIRLFRIEND JUST TEXT ME. I THOUGHT I BLOCKED HER NUMBER?? HANG ON I HAVE TO PAUSE AND TELL MY FRIENDS ABOUT THIS AND THEN GO BLOCK HER NUMBER WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. dude.

oh my god i have to respond to this because i have class with her tomorrow are you fucking serious chat are you fucking serious

i don't even.. i can't even.. what the hell. during my magnus time? really? on THE magnus day? fuck oh my god. i.. i..... I'M SCARED??????

we're not touching that. anyway ummmmmm what the HELL ??? LMAO SORRY WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE PROTOCOL RAMBLE NOW???? we literally haven't spoken since like march when she sent me the "breakup closure playlist" and i thought i BLOCKED HER. tweaking OUTTTTTTTT.

having to restart the episode after this one i'm.. i need a reset..

sam she's not upset she's telling you you're in TROUBLE stop GHOSTING HER you are in DANGER babe. SAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE IS RIGHT SHE IS RIGHT SHE IS RIGHT BABE YESSSSSS!!!! connect those dots honey it is your fault

SAM? SAM? SAM? WHAT'S? WHY IS HE COUGHING? I'M REALLY. WORRIED. I'M REALLY SCARED.

if sam dies here i'm gonna have to delete those sam hating posts i swear to god i'm gonna have to delete them i love him now

"there's a plan?" (disregards) woah. celia. what. i'm really really really scared help

i feel like we're listening to his final moments and i'm no................ "we're safe here" CELIA??????

ALICE PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW THEM PLEASE BABE IT'S OVER FOR SAM BUT IT'S NOT ENTIRELY OVER FOR YOU

COLIN? COLIN???????? COOLLOLININNK??????????? I'M CRYING COLIN HONEY PLEASE DI NOT DIE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WHAT DID HE DO WHAT DID HE DO WHAT DID HE DO WHAT DID HE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

GO TO THE OFFICE ALICE. HE'S DEAD TEDDY'S DEAD ALICE YOU NEED TO STOP IGNORING THEM FOR SAM'S SAKE THEY'RE BOTH DEAD AS HELLLLLLLL

gwen come through and be okay pls. gwen pls. TREVOR HERBERT NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME CACKLE I'M SORRY.

lena do you still have your job? babygirl? oh god. something bad is gonna happen to her. is there a lena death count lmao

"but i think you will be" LENA???? shaking actually hello. goodbye lena???? YOU'RE ALL GOING TO NEED IT WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???????????????????? gwenny are you laughing or crying or nope you're laughing. you are laughing.

they're at hilltop center oh my fuckign god they're here nervously petting my desk??? what am i doing.

"checking for tape recorders" LORD.

"call it a hunch" loooooooooooooooord.

hey why's sam humming he's being so fucking weird rn???? he's being so weird????????? so is celia actually i really hate this

"we want your teeth" these are all weird places huh. interestinggggg.

celia you gotta stop pushing sam please pleeasasee

i'm so freake WHO IS THAT WHOOO????? LMAO??????? poor dude

"i better go lock it back up before it's..." ooh supernatural worker

LMAOO IT'S SO HAUNTED PLS GET OUTTTTTTT PLSSSSS GET OUTTTTTTT

you SHOULD go sam and celia you SHOULD

she's being super weird is she like actually a shitty person bc i was kinda defending her with my whole being

"if you're stupid enough to go poking around, that's on you" this guy would love alice

oh speak of the devil hi babe!!!!

NO HESTITATION AFTER THE BRIBE LMAOO

I ACTUALLY HEARD THE TAPE RECORDER THIS TIME I'M SO PROUD.

oh the custodian is gonna die that sucks so much because i actually really like him he's coughing like sam was i'm really worried

oooh that was the clearest thing we've heard the archivist say

THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES MUSIC I'M GOING TO START CRYING SO LOUD I CAN'T EVEN ANYMORE

OH WHY WOULD YOU BRING UP THE FINGERNAIL THING I LOST A FINGERNAIL FROM THE ROOT YESTERDAY.

dogs.. like lady mowbray...

NIKOLA ORSINOV????????????????????????? NIKOLA??????????????????? BABE?????????????????????????????

no it was a person unfortunately

DEAD IN HIS OFFICE???? oh what the actual fuck

okay they're really not subtle about the magnus archives theme anymore LMFAO

oh my god he's dying :( i really liked him he seemed so chill

WHAT??????????????????? DID HE JUST BECOME THE BUILDING????????????????????????????????????????????? DUDE COME ON CAN ONE MINOR SIDE CHARACTER JUST BE OKAY AND HAPPY. rip i guess? rest in piece (singular)

"she can wait" you're pissing me off.

celia knows this too damn well she knows it TOO well. did she ever have to dig herself out of this

IS THIS THE RIP??????

celia? celia is this where you came from. "almost" HUH?

WHAT'S HAPPENING WHAT'S HAPPENING??? SAM YOU'RE KINDA REAL FOR THIS ACTUALLY PLEASE EXPLAIN TO HIM PLEASE

if he dies. i'm gonna be so upset.

WOAH. WOAHHHHHHHH. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. THE INSTITUTE ALCHEMY IT'S ALL ABOUT BALANCE IT WANTS HER BACK IT. WHAHTUAHAHDHAHGAGDGASYFGAFYGTASGTGFGJS

the equation doesn't balance so you have to go back? oh that's why she wakes up randomly because it's pulling her!! "there's nothing to go back to" sad face. lynne hammond did have a................................ celia. ceeeeeeelia.

celia don't fucking do it don't fucking do it don't fucking do it.

"I REALLY DID LIKE YOU" I'M HYPERVENTILATING. SHE'S CARRYING A KNIFE. I'M HYPERVENTILATING.

I'M CRYING. WHAT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED. WHAT IS FUCKING HAPPENING. WHAT IS FUCKING HAPPENING. IS THIS CELIA'S STATEMENT???

THE FEARLESS ONE I'M ACTUALLY WEEPING??????

WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT SAM ARE YOU OKAY. ALCIUEJ NAOLIKJDHFJVDFHIJBHABHIFBJGHF

I'M SO UNOKAY I'M SOOOOO ALICE NO PLEASE BABYDOLL PLEASE YOU'RE SO FUCKED YOU'RE SO FUCKED

NOT THE FUCKING HILLTOP DUDE GOD DAMMIT

shaking trembling violently rocking back and forth i'm scared i'm scared i'm scared

gwenny.... hhhhhh

oh hey it's trevor! can we pls go find out what just happened to sam i need him to be alright.

what is that fuckass no HELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO OH MY GOD ALICE IS THERE AND CELIA AND SAM OHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD. OOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD. WHERE'S SAM.

he's not.. is he? oh no.

THEY BOOOOOOOOOOTH FELL THROUGH???????? AND YOU'RE ENDING THE FUCKING EPISODE THERE DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME ANYMORE YOOUUUUUUUUUUU. YOU. OH MY FUCK.

i need to go take a moment to reflect or something holy fucking shit.

[dervampireprince]

Hii so after the stream today/yesterday for you I think (congrats again on 10k you deserve every single one💖) I just wanted to pop in and gush about the way you show relationship and character developments through your audios.

(I'll focus mostly on Arden because imo his is the most obvious/explored, but this applies to almost all your ocs with more than one audio lol)

Like, Arden as a character is so fascinating to me because he's just so real? Like all of his actions are so logical for how someone in real life (or as real as vampires and werewolves can get, lol) would be it's amazing. Like the first audio with him where he's wary and skeptical of the listener but also really protective of them because that's just how he is, is so human and well done. And then the next one, where he goes out of his way to answer the listener's questions while also setting realistic and healthy boundaries.

I also really really like how it's implied that Ambrose and Arden talk about the listener to eachother, even Ardens little comment that Ambrose called the listener "Ardens little human", it's those little things that make them seem like they're in an actual world and have interactions outside of the audios to make it feel real, rather than individual scenes floating in a vague story. The love bites audios (and all of yours for that matter, honestly) all read like slice of life stories but in the purest way— it's like a scene opening in the middle of these characters who already live their lives whether we're there to see them or not. Like, knowing that Arden and the listener text a lot but don't talk very much in person at first, knowing that Ambrose asked Arden how much he was comfortable with being shared with the listener, Ambrose keeping first aid supplies for Arden when he shifts, it's these little details that get me.

And gosh, the audio where Arden and the listener properly get together? Chef's kiss. Peak content. The way Arden stumbles his way through like 30 minutes of dancing around the fact that he's poly, that he's a switch, that if the Listener maybe possibly ever wanted something Ambrose couldn't give he's there, its so so so sweet and adorable. and then, when he finally gets enough courage to just kiss the listener instead of dancing around it everything falls into place! It's just. Aaa. It's so real and sweet and I adore this audio fusgau

I started writing this ask because I relistened to the recent wolf audio, where Arden finally feels safe enough with the listener to shift in front of them. I think it hits me so hard because there have been hints about it before— in the sleep aid audio he talks about letting the listener see him shift one day— but he also still sets healthy boundaries!! He's still visibly (or audibly, I guess) nervous about it and getting to see that nervousness fade away is just. So gratifying.

Um. This got long. Tldr, I love Arden SO much and his development as a character has hit me right in the heart. You're amazing prince, please please please keep up this amazing work. You deserve all this good fortune tenfold 💖

- Dahlia 💖

(ps. And this is entirely unrelated to anything, but can Arden eat chocolate? If he can, does he enjoy it?)

aww thank you so much. i always feel a little bad when you guys remember all these moments because i remember.. none of them. i improvise these and then they kinda fly out of my brain. but i do care a lot about making them and about my characters, but the little things i have them say i just forget. but it means a lot that you guys remember that and that you really like amborse and arden, i hope i can

sure arden can eat chocolate, i think he's pretty boring like me when it comes to food, he's not much for fancy food or lots of candy. he'd be fine with chocolate.

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 118 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: cutting apples. Again...

Ah, I remember very well when I listened to this episode the first time. Texted my sister twice right there at the start about Martin being sassy! ("Statement ends, I guess" and "Sorry, Elias. I can’t hear you. There’s – a door in the way.")

Trying to get the episodes of the burned statements by memory. Ivo Lensik is MAG 8 Burned Out, Harold Silvana is MAG 35 Old Passages. Dylan Anderson... MAG 103 Cruelty Free?

ELIAS: "Martin, I do not have time for this." MARTIN: "Then maybe you should make time." This is exactly what this is though. Stalling.

JON: "There’s no such thing as just cobwebs." Everybody sighs, but he is right. Usually in horror cobwebs are just a way to say "Hey, nobody's really been here in a long time, Oooohooo". In TMA though, it's never just that.

Benjamin Hatendi. MAG 86? Definitely the blanket episode though. God, what's it called... Tucked In?

MARTIN: "Oh, so that’s it, isn’t it. Martin’s just acting out. I mean, Daisy’s a “rabid dog,” and Melanie’s a potential killer, Tim’s a – a rogue element, but Martin, oh Martin’s just acting out. He’ll have a cry, and a lie down, and feel much better." Ah yes. He's not being taken seriously and wholly underestimated.

Albrecht von Closen is easy, MAG 23 Schwarzwald.

ELIAS: [TAKES A DEEP BREATH.] "Did Jon put you up to this?" I mean, kind of. In MAG 103 Jon asked Daisy if they could somehow get Elias arrested. Martin was the one, who found a way to actually get to the evidence.

ELIAS: "Please get to the point, Martin." MARTIN: "Maybe there isn’t one. Alright? Maybe –" ELIAS: "Maybe you’re just wasting my time." MARTIN: "Yeah. Yeah, maybe." Haha, exactly that. But Elias knew this already.

JON: "Oh god… Oh god, they’re not waxworks." Haha, classic 2005 House of Wax.

I don't quite understand why Jon suddenly wants to see what's going on in the auditorium though. Is Snoop God sniffing out potential fear if they look at the entire horror of it?

TIM: "Holy –" JON: "Yes. I suppose it is." Ok this... was not a joke on Jon's part I think... I mean, Tim also said that dancing performance Grimaldi and his brother was beautiful. And even if Jon's trying to do his best to keep his humanity, he is still aligned with a terrifying Eldritch entity. He also finds the Mortal Garden beautiful, if I remember correctly (tbh, I also thought that was pretty rad...)

JON: "And I guess you don’t need skin to sing." (shaky breath) "To join the choir." ... Is everyone thinking what I'm thinking... Was Danny in the choir?

MARTIN: "Not even close. Because, I – (composes himself) I’ve been thinking. It’s not like you got this all-seeing thing recently. You’ve had it the whole time. I remember the way you looked at Sasha after the attack. You knew it wasn’t her. And I reckon you knew Prentiss was lurking under the Institute, too, and you did nothing. Why?" On my first listen I thought, okay, when it's being addressed in the show, there's no way these are plotholes...

MARTIN: "Well, I hope you’ve got something better than that pathetic dig at my feelings for Jon." ELIAS: "It’s baffling, really. Such loyalty to someone who really treats you very badly." MARTIN: "Oh, is that supposed to be, what, a revelation?" ELIAS: "You know, I really should have gone for that. Found something that would finally manage to shatter that precious image you have of him. But, as you say I am very busy at the moment. So I suppose I’ll have to go with what I had prepared." Nah, Elias is also rooting for them. And he doesn't need to poke any further, he's got Peter on the job for that. And the bit about "who really treats you very badly"? Yes, Jon did. Past tense. Jon really did a 180 on that front by the end of S2. Still, it's a good way for further manipulation. Sowing seeds of doubt, that Jon still doesn't like him.

ELIAS: "The thing is, though, Martin. If you ever do want to know exactly what your father looked like… All you have to do is look in a mirror. The resemblance is quite uncanny. The face of the man she hates, who destroyed her life, watching over her." This is something I have asked myself, like, how often something like this actually happens in rl. I'm guessing it's a huge taboo. Losing your partner and getting reminded of them everytime you see your child(ren). Doesn't have to be hate, like in this instance. Grief will also do. Or turn it around. Everytime the child sees a photograph of themself, they are reminded of the parent because of their resemblance. There's something similar explored in The Babadook (2014). The father died in a car accident while driving his wife in labor to the hospital. And she resents the child. Blames him for the death of her husband. It's great (I mean, not in rl), I love it when bad relationships get explored in fiction. And especially parent-children structures make it so difficult, because the child is completely dependent on the parent. That just adds another layer to it.

Alex does such a good job at that terrified crying...

I think this was one of the strongest scenes in all TMA. Writing- and acting-wise.

JON: "I knew none of us might be coming back, and I’m not going to let anyone get killed for nothing!" TIM: "Well, except for those people in there." JON: "They’re already dead!" TIM: "Not all of them." Ah yes, TMA and the trolley problem.

JON: (sudden yell, followed by immediate realization of need to whisper) "I am not losing you as well!" T_T

That warped "Aaahh" from the Archives crew. The music picking up. It is absolutely clear what's happening there. Like being hit by a Weirdness Bubble.

In these last moments Jon seems to still have some remaining clarity. While the others are already confused, he still knows who Daisy is for example. And he seems to still have some sense of self ("Daisy, it's me"). So yeah, Elias preparation to See has worked quite well, Jon did have it a bit easier. I mean, this is all or nothing.

@a-mag-a-day

[musicalsiphonophore]

siph listens to the sex was good until it wasn’t: my initial responses

me waiting until 11.40 to listen to a xana album? fret not, it’s not voluntary, i just needed to not be overexcited before my biology exam!

Lip Service: the opening had me worried for a moment, but HOOOLY SHIT THE SECOND HALF. I must listen to this one more time, I can’t help myself. I DONT KNOW WHO YOURE TRYINNGGGGGG TO BEEEEEE AHAHAHHAHAHAH IM ALMOST IN TEARS THIS IS SO GOOD

the sex was good!: i don’t like the instrumentals but her voice is- oh nvm i do like the instrumentals. oh nvm i don’t. this is beautiful in any case. HEY WAIT SHE POSTED THIS ON INSTAGRAM!!! I love the chorus!!! and the finale again!!!! xana knows how to end a song omg

Better Kind Of Best Friend: fucking magnificent as we know. loves me and she shows it fucks me and reloads it hell yeahhhhhhh 🎵 it was so iconic of her to release this single on valentine’s day btw

Homewrecking Era: THAT FUCKING TRANSITION WAS SO CLEAN. oh my god. I love this song. I love this song. Let me live inside this song please let me live inside the bit that goes “right bout now i wonder if she knows” i want to live in that part of music please

monster: i dont love it. i know i dont love it. it makes an excellent contrast next to home wrecking era though, it sounds better in context yk. a few lyrics on it are really… oof!! (shoot my meanest words like arrows, i make damn sure they echo)

Sick Joke: fucking yes. fucking yes. yes. “I only miss it a little and I don’t wish you very well, you only loved me in riddles but you still loved me I could tell”, the instrumentals in that part are lovely. i love the instrumentals in all of it actually.

15: this is so upsetting. my goodness me. it’s so sad. oh my goodness. “still smiled at my mother, what she don’t know won’t hurt her” oh my goodness poor small xana :(. the way she sings “i cant live like this forever”. ohhhh.

Lavender Daughter: ooooh this openin is a great start. oooooh this song is sad too. oh no. i’m so sad ddddddddd helppppp. this album is so sad. help. “FUCK YOUR REMORSE HOPE IT ONLY GETS BIGGER” 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

FERAL: hmmm hmmm excellent start! oooohghhhhh “maybe” that scratches my brain. i love this. i love this. i looooove this song it’s SO GOOD. aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA. oooooh the bridge. i love the bridge. i want to eat the bridge.

BODY: so upbeat! uncharacteristically upbeat!! I like it!! Well, do I? I don’t like it massively, but I do like it. Okay, no, I don’t really like it. I see the appeal, maybe it’ll be better when I relisten it a few times. I like the guitars.

The Kicker: this is decent. eh. i again don’t like it all that much. I like the line “there’s a lake at the bottom of our river”. I’m not sure what it means but it speaks to me somehow. I quite like the ending of it I guess.

earth eyes: I like that this is something different. It’s only an interlude really. It is very good.

Alibi: pretty guitar opening. I have been expecting it to build up and it has not done that. I think I’ll appreciate this more on relistenings as well. It is pretty like a glass ornament is pretty, and reminds me somewhat of the blue room interlude which I adore.

4ever: awful start. this verse has no melody to it. Not A Fan. Oh never mind I do love this chorus!!! This chorus is lovely!!! Ooooh this second verse is a lot better too!! Okay, I can do this song. It’s not my favourite by any means but I accept it.

January: starts bad and thinly textured and boring, but as it builds up I’m starting to enjoy it a lot. By like 2:20 I’m enjoying it. Oh no it texture-thinned again. Alas. I feel about this one the way I feel about 19; too long, and it’s at the end of the album anyway so I almost want to not bother with it. Sorryyyy. I like the very ending though.

In Conclusion.

my favs are Lip Service, Homewrecking Era, 15, Better Kind Of Best Friend.

This album is the most emotionally destructive and personal creation, it is quite devastating. Especially 15 and Lavender Daughter.

A lot of the songs start very slow so I think I don’t like them, then they build up to a beautiful climax and fade out with just xana singing the same line repeatedly, alone, heartwrenchingly emotionally - I don’t like that lack of variety, I want more different structures and interludes and neat transitions going on. Especially since I’m not a fan of the slow fade in.

I also wish babyblue made it on, though I understand it doesn’t fit the vibes or the themes, as it is one of my favourite xana songs.

It started really strong for me, but after 15 or so, it got … not so strong.

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

Mag 43

[Waves like an overexcited mum seeing her child in a school play] Hi Basira!!!!!!

What struck me most about this episode for this relisten was how quickly Jon and Basira seemed to click with each other. These two were on each other's level from the first few lines.

More information about how the Institute works! Makes snese that they'd have thorough policies in place for information control, and cool that Jon is apparently good enough at his job by now to be familiar with correct procedure off the top of his head.

Look at how much effort Jon is going through to reassure her and help her feel comfortable giving her statement! This is such a far cry from his behaviour during every previous live statement he's ever taken. Took him long enough, but I guess he's finally decided to be more lovely.

Look at this! An attempt at levity! This is basically banter. Maybe Tim isn't way off base for thinking these two had something going on. This is definitely the most pleasant Jon has ever been with a statement-giver that wasn't one of his employees.

Always so great when the Archivist switches into statement mode and the statement-giver is like '...wtf do you want me to do now.'

Love this in terms of world-building. There are people who know about the supernatural and basically have the job of sweeping as much of it as possible under the rug, but don't expect them to know what's going on because they don't get told anything more than anyone else ever does.

At some point I'll have to put together a larger post about way that various institutions in the world must have been effected by the presence of the Entites, because its an aspect of the worldbuilding of TMA that is endlessly fascinating to me. Really hope this is something we get some new angles on in TMAGP.

I know a lot of people had issues with the portrayal of law enforcement (and Daisy and Basira's arcs specifically) in TMA and I don't intend to dive super deep into it, mostly because I'm a white woman who has never had any significant interaction with law enforcement, so I probably don't have anything particularly insightful to offer. All I'll say for now is that I think the series does a better job of saying ACAB than some people give it credit for, and we can see that in moments like this that explore 'us versus them' mentality within the cops (especially from the POV of Basira, who has her own issues with black and white morality and loyalty versus ethics).

I really can't imagine Basira being thrown by any amount of weirdness. Do we ever see her lose her composure over supernatural shit?

God Molina's such a fucking moron. What was his plan here? Just walk away from the fire dipshit, don't hang out raving like a lunatic and getting into fistfights.

Haha, Basira is the kind of person who takes welding classes on a whim. She's going to fit in so well with all the autism/ADHD girlies in the Archives.

[otomes-world]

Yay!!! Ok can I request some yandere amnesia hcs for ikki ❤️

For this I rewatched his moments from anime and relistened his songs. Hope, it`s still more or less sound canonical (///￣ ￣///) P.S. I made picture special for him!

Where to start, probably, with the character of Ikki. He is known as a frivolous womanizer, but we know that deep inside this is not so. He is interested in solving math puzzles, board games, music. He is good at everything where hands may be required, that is, everything. Just at one point in his life, a miracle happened that Ikki himself does not consider as such. Be that as it may, since girls began to fall in love with him from a single wave of eyelashes-.. it would be strange not to start enjoying everyone's attention, since the chance fell.

It had been like this before, but now Ikki began to question his wish. He began to doubt that he could be truly loved. He was sure that all the emotions that girls feel for him were false. Besides, he even knows where they came from. Therefore, it seems to me that this fact slightly, but shook his psyche. Another case that also hammered a nail into the coffin of his self-esteem was the actions of the fan club, when the girls broke up with him after three months. Did he have reason to believe that his charms only lasted for a limited amount of time? More than that.

In the light of these events you appeared. You, who turned up your nose from him at the beginning. You, who were not affected by the power of his eyes. Ikki couldn't help but be interested, though maybe he just couldn't believe what was happening. Is it possible.. his abilities have malfunctioned? Is it possible.. after years the higher powers finally decided to take pity on him?

Yandere Mod begins when Ikki goes from denial to acceptance and then fear. Fear that everything will end soon, that the spell will begin to act on you. Although sometimes he caught himself thinking that this time he would not mind. However, this did not last long. In the next second, he realized that then everything would return to the beginning, and the only chance in life would pass him by.

He had already guessed that his fans were not the most peaceful in the world, but who would have thought that this time their behavior would became trump card into his hands. The young man was waiting for the right moment to appear and, like a prince on a white horse, save you. Perhaps if the situation were calmer, you yourself would understand how feigned it looks, but when you are surrounded by several people with not the best intentions, small details like a satisfied smile do not attract attention like a noble gesture of help.

You, from your part, could not understand what was happening with the girls, as soon as they saw your colleague at work. Yes, he was handsome, charming, charismatic. You could not deny this, but nevertheless, in your opinion, this was not a sufficient reason for every lady to lose the head of him. In any case, it did not concern you, or so you thought until a certain time. Until this most charming colleague began to pay attention to you, along the way causing envy in the rest of his fans. You didn’t need such happiness, you didn’t get a job for this, so you tried to politely, but clearly express your position, namely, to show that you were not at all interested in him.

To your surprise, Ikki turned out to be a gentleman who did not force his feelings on you. He calmly backed off, promising that he would not cause you any inconvenience. This added to him points of sympathy on your part, making your attitude towards him more favorable. You even become friends, although you still felt hesitant to communicate with the guy you turned down. However, Ikki showed with all his appearance that this did not bother him at all, which means that you should not either.

You guessed that his fans would not like that some leftist girl was spinning around their an idol, whom this idol more than just favors. You just didn't think they'd show their dislike so quickly.

It all started innocently, with letters of warning. There was nothing in them other than a request to leave Ikki alone. However, this fact quickly changed, and you began to find rotten eggs in your mailbox, your own jagged photos and more, much more then that. It was very unnerving. When they somehow expressed everything they think about you to your face, you began to be afraid. Fear for yourself and your safety.

You would be mad at the cause of everything, Ikki, but he was always there to help you. You personally heard him tell some girls to leave you alone. It was not his fault that they did not heed his words. Not his. You felt safe with him. They never attacked while you were together. However, you couldn't deny how suspiciously your intuition screamed for escape as soon as he appeared next to you. It felt so paradoxical that it drove you crazy.

You would be grateful for his support if he wasn't the only one you could turn to for help.

[everwisp]

I bring it back again but the other day i was relistening to Unmask (a banger, always and forever) and thinking about Guy's intro and his role (always a good thing) when suddenly the art you made of Guy, as elmo!phantom in front of the fire, popped up in my mind. I had a chuckle and thought foundly again about how you were so excited to meet Guy, not knowing that he'll come right to steal your heart. Somehow it plays a part in my appreciation of Guy because i don't think anything can top this excitement leading to such "oh... i love him" moment and i end up thinking about it everytime. Priceless.

It is such an honor that my Guy elmo!phantom art and my love for him has left such an impression on you icha 😭🙏🏼

Okay I’m gonna go on a mini (??) rant about my love for Guy so I hope you don’t mind ‘cause I can’t help myself since I’m having a lot of feels for him atm and I miss the game so much.

Full disclosure, I’ve actually read act 8 before it was released in the EN server so I kinda had an idea on who Guy was and was already interested in him from the get go.

Words can’t honestly describe how I felt when I first read act 8, I thought I’d only cry at act 6 then boom, Winter troupe. However, I wasn’t really invested with Guy that much yet tbh, it was only when they announced the rookies for EN server did I really think about him.

And when they finally introduced him in game I was like “Oh, there he is.” And fell in love with him just like that.

He was just such an interesting character to introduce in the Winter Troupe dynamic yknow? Considering how in act 4 they were learning how to rely on each other and communicate properly, act 8 had them teaching Guy about a lot of things and it was just so endearing to see!!! I adored how they all came together and learning about Guy really made me so fond of him, the concept of an android learning about emotions only for it to be revealed that he wasn’t really one and that he just buried those emotions due to his past was so !!! And now with the winter troupe and the rest of Mankai, he’s healing and relearning those emotions again and I just ahhhhh!! Just thinking about Guy getting the love, care and support he deserves along with discovering new/old things about himself makes my heart swell 🥰 (but also fic concept where Guy learns about the types of love through the company and also reader)

I really didn’t think I’d adore a character so much, Itaru, Misumi, Kazunari, and Homare were already a pleasant surprise to my heart (itaru especially tbh) and Guy was just the cherry on top. Seeing his character development in the JP server along with how happy he is now is just so heartwarming, I wish I could see it happen for myself 🤧🤧

This went on a lot longer than I intended and I wish I could articulate my emotions well but I guess we’ll have to stick with my messy thought process for now. Thank you for reading this far and thank you for dropping in my asks!! Wishing you the best ☺️

(And yes, Unmasked will forever and always be a banger ✊🏼)

[everamazingfe]

A Close Shave

Fic Summary: After being picked up by the Urania and brought back to the Hephaestus station, Communications Officer Doug Eiffel tries to come to terms with his new look. It doesn’t go well. Luckily, Jacobi comes along to save the day. 

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Words in this fic: 2082 Pairings: Doug Eiffel/Daniel Jacobi Warnings for this fic: Brief mentions of abuse

Notes: I got into Wolf 359 at the start of this year, and after relistening to it recently I decided to start writing some fics. I was pretty nervous about posting this, but I couldn't keep it in my drafts forever, so here it is! There’s also a link to this fic over on A O 3 as the source of this post! Click it to go read it over there, or you can search up the title or ‘everamazingfe’ on the site.

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There was something about him, Eiffel had decided within the first few seconds of seeing him for the first time. His face was mostly blank unless he had some sly comment to say, some sarcastic remark, and then that stony expression was replaced by something cockier, more smug. Sometimes there was a flash of softness to it, usually when Maxwell was speaking. But even when his face was at its blankest, there was a mischievous gleam in those bright green eyes of his.

Eiffel had never really noticed anyone’s eyes before. He didn’t know Minkowski’s eye color, or Lovelace’s for that matter. Hell, Eiffel didn’t even know if he knew his own eye color at this point, he avoided looking in mirrors at all costs. But for some reason, he’d noticed Jacobi’s. Not only had he noticed it, but he had committed it to memory as well. 

For a moment, he was convinced he could picture them clearly as he stared out the window above his comms panel, making eye contact with them in the reflection of the glass. Somehow, he was able to picture his face with perfect clarity too, despite only seeing it a handful of times while he was in sound mind. 

“Feel good to be home?” The Jacobi that Eiffel thought he was picturing in his mind so clearly spoke, startling him out of his trance and making him jump because it wasn’t his imagination, it was the real deal. It made sense, he’d never had a very visual imagination anyway, but there was always hope for a change of mind. “Wow, I didn’t think I was all that scary, Officer Eiffel.”

“You’re not,” he grumbled with a huff of indignation, grabbing the edge of his station and pulling himself back to it, hooking his knees beneath it to keep himself there. “I just… Got lost in thought.”

“You? Capable of thought? Now that’s something that wasn’t included in your file.” There it was, that stupid sly grin that Jacobi always had when he thought he was being oh-so-clever. Usually, he was. But that joke had become played out within the first month on the station.

Eiffel responded with mock laughter, trying to ignore the way that comment made an invisible knife twist in his chest. After all he’d done, no one thought he was good at anything. What a surprise. But he didn’t have time to unpack all of that right then. “Get some new material, I’ve heard it all before,” he drawled, hoping he looked as bored as he sounded. “I’m a slacker, I’m an idiot, I’m a motormouth. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Your shoe’s untied.” 

Maybe there was some truth to one of those three things, because like the idiot he was, Eiffel had that brief moment of panic everyone had when someone told them that their shoe was untied, or their fly was down, or there was something on their shirt. And because of that panic, he looked down. It had completely slipped his mind that he hadn’t even worn shoes in the two (Three? Did those hundred days hurtling through space count? He didn’t know.) years he had been on the Hephaestus. “Oh, goddammit!” He groaned as he stared down at his socked feet in dismay, trying to tune out the cackling laughter Jacobi let out behind him that sent him halfway across the room. 

“You’re also gullible, apparently!” He let himself continue his path across the room so he could push off the back wall, still in a fit of giggles as he sailed back to the console. “You actually fell for it! I can’t believe it! I’ve never gotten anyone with that before.” Jacobi’s grin was bigger than it had ever been, and he wiped the tears from his eyes before they wreaked havoc on the station’s internal systems. Maxwell was too smart to fall for a simple trick like that, and Kepler… Well, Kepler didn’t like being pranked. 

Eiffel grumbled something incoherently, waiting patiently for Jacobi to get over himself before he spoke again. “Was there a real reason you came down here?”

“No, not really. Kepler’s giving Minkowski an orientation for her new role and then he needed to discuss… something with Hilbert, I don’t even wanna know. And Ala- Maxwell’s busy with Hera. So, I was bored.”

“What about Lovelace?”

“Dunno. Didn’t ask. Didn’t care.”

“Right… So you came to interrupt my very important work?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Lucky me.”

“Lucky you.” Jacobi made himself comfortable, lounging in the free-floating bliss that was zero-g as Eiffel pretended to look busy, though his eyes were fixed on the reflection of the man in the glass. The bright light of Wolf 359 backlit him beautifully, and the color in the star seemed to desaturate everything else in the reflection, except for those damn eyes. 

Eiffel let out a sigh, bringing a hand up to run it through his hair, his fingers brushing through the empty space where his long curls used to be. He let out a frustrated growl, moving his hand up to his scalp. The little hair that was left was scraggly and damaged as hell. It was coarse and patchy, and it scratched his hand uncomfortably when he ran his hand over it. “Actually. I have an idea of something we can do.” He turned around to look at the real Jacobi, who arched an eyebrow in silent encouragement for him to go on. “Come with me.”

He’d had his head shaved a handful of times, and it was usually under duress. The first time was as a punishment for getting gum stuck in it, even though he hadn’t been the one to put gum there, and it would’ve been much easier to just cut the chunk out rather than shave his whole head. The second time had been when he’d joined the military. This would make number three, but this time it was necessary, despite the fact that his goal had really been to never cut his hair again. All that length had meant a lot to him, it meant that he had control over something in his life, finally, but the cryofreeze had, apparently, had other plans for it.

Additionally, most of the shaving kits, particularly their razors, had been dismantled for Minkowski’s crusade against Blessie. God only knew where all of those had ended up, or if they were still even on the station, but he knew there was one that was still safely tucked away. 

“Wow, Eiffel. I thought you would’ve liked to wine and dine your dates before bringing them home. You always struck me as more of a gentleman than that.”

“Shut up.” He rooted around in his locker, letting various pieces of uniform and whatever else had been shoved in there float freely around them as he did so. Most of it was contraband that he should’ve been more careful about getting seen, but he was too focused. Once he found the kit, he let out a soft, ‘a ha!’ And underhand tossed it to Jacobi. “You’re shaving my head.”

For once, Jacobi didn’t have some sort of sarcastic remark to make in response. He was just confused. “Sorry?”

“I can’t… I can’t stand it being like this. I can’t. And it’ll never grow back right with the ends this damaged, and I don’t really feel like cutting myself a thousand times in the process. So you’re doing it for me.” He tried to make his voice sound commanding, authoritative, but instead he just sounded desperate, irritated, upset. His hair meant so much to him, but he could stand to be without it for a little bit. He’d done it before, he could do it again. What he couldn’t stand was the sorry excuse for hair that he’d been left with. 

“You don’t think I’d use the razor to kill you? It’d be the perfect opportunity.”

“If you wanted to kill me, you could’ve done it back on the Urania when I was half dead.” 

“You hadn’t annoyed me as much back then.”

“I mean, if you really want to, I guess you can, but… I’d really just like my head shaved, please.”

A dramatic sigh filled the silence, and then: “Ugh, fine. But you owe me.”

That was good enough for Eiffel, and he trailed along behind Jacobi to the Hephaestus’ bathroom. Gravity was a little different in there, as in it was actually present in order to make showering and other general acts of hygiene (that Eiffel didn’t really partake in) a little easier. So he was able to sit on the counter and stare their reflections down as Jacobi stood behind him, setting the kit beside him on the counter. 

Jacobi wasn’t a friend, not by a longshot. In Minkowski’s book, he was part of ‘the enemy.’ But they’d spent a decent amount of time together after he’d been picked up by the Urania, and even a little bit of time before that over the comms. Someone had to keep in touch with him and keep up-to-date on his coordinates so the ship could get a lock on his location, and Kepler had felt like that work was beneath the highly intellectual minds of himself and Maxwell, so it had fallen to Jacobi. And Eiffel hadn’t minded, because beneath all the smart remarks, the guy was alright to talk to. A little stilted, maybe, but that wasn’t anything he couldn’t work with. It was better on the Urania. Easier, at least, because Jacobi’s body language did a lot of the talking for him. Once again, helping Eiffel was deemed grunt work, so Jacobi had been the one stuck tending to his wounds, helping him get around when he was too weak to even keep his eyes open, and adjust to eating again after not doing it for a hundred days (though with all of the substitutes for rations Hilbert dared to call food, one could argue it had been even longer since he’d really eaten). 

Long story short, Eiffel liked Jacobi to some degree. The guy was alright in his book, and he was sure the feeling was mutual, because he could’ve easily said no, or done a hackjob of it, or killed him. But instead, he took his time and made sure that he didn’t miss any spots, his other hand resting gently on Eiffel’s head to keep it steady despite all the fidgeting. 

After the first pass, Eiffel moved to get off the counter, to turn around and thank Jacobi, but a firm hand on his shoulder pushed him back down. 

“I gotta go again, make sure I didn’t miss a spot. It looked awful before, but it’ll look even worse if there’s just a tiny patch with a few hairs left.”

Eiffel furrowed his eyebrows together, but nodded and got comfortable again. As comfortable as he could, at least. His ass was already numb and the feeling was starting to spread down to his legs, but hopefully the second pass would go quicker. 

And it did, kind of. Jacobi didn’t need to clean the hair from the razor as often because there was barely any left, but he still took that same slow and gentle care as he had the first time. When he was done, he wiped off the leftover shaving cream with a nearby towel, smiling genuinely as Eiffel lifted a hand to feel over his scalp. “Well? How does it feel?”

“It feels great,” he answered earnestly, laughing in relief. He didn’t hate the way his reflection looked anymore, and now he could actually believe everyone when they told him to pull it together because it would grow back eventually. Hopefully this made the process easier. His eyes drifted to Jacobi’s in the mirror, mirroring that same smile. “Thank you... I really do owe you.”

“Yeah, you do.” The genuine smile faded to his usual cocky grin, and Eiffel threw the towel at him. It hit him square in the face, but it didn’t wipe away that look. “But… You’re welcome.” He offered him a hand to help him off the counter, steadying him with a chuckle when he nearly lost his balance. “Gravity that hard on you, Doug?”

“No! It’s just… That counter was not very comfortable to sit for that long on. And yeah, I guess gravity’s pretty hard to adjust to too.” 

“Well then we’d better get you back to the lazy embrace of zero-g.”

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 91 - The Coming Storm

Jon: I… Where did you get that scar? Mike: (amid sound of rushing air): And I was trying so hard to be polite.

This is such a "Woah!" moment given what precedes it is - well - a brief conversation about tea that kinda had me going "Huh, well, this is not what I expected to happen when Jon meets Mike" but this moment is exactly what I expected to happen when Jon meets Mike and somehow I still ended up being surprised by it because of the way the episode started.

Have you ever been struck by lightning? No. No, of course not. Not unless that’s what happened to your hand, but I’m guessing that burn came from sticking it somewhere it wasn’t wanted. - Mike

Well, technically it came from sticking it somewhere clearly and obviously unwise yet where it was explicitly requested, nay, demanded.

It… never hurt me. Not once in all the years I was chased by its… malevolence. Of course, I know why that is now, but at the time it did nothing to dull my fear.

Wait, why is it the Spiral never hurt Mike? To keep his fear going, sure, but also ... the Entities are usually not shy about doing permanent damage!

The trees were long and spindly, their branches bare and reaching, as they grew down towards me out of the sky, their roots pulsing upwards into this roiling mass of clouds; the scorched and shattered trunks reeking of ozone.

So basically trees like lightning strikes!

And more than that, my eyes were opened to the powers that might save me. Might protect me from a past that followed me so brightly I could barely see it. But I knew that Filth was not for me. Buzzing flies and rot disgusted me, but they never spoke to my soul. I threw the book into a sewer, and began my hunt.

I think I mentioned before how Mike is kind of remarkable for basically going ... Entity shopping? Here he is, actively discarding the Corruption...

The Boneturner’s Tale was next. Found tucked away in a waterlogged library basement, and deposited back in another. I played with it, but when I tried to shift the bits of myself I thought might set me free, the only shapes I could form with them were laced with that horrid, hunting fractal.

The Flesh, also not Mike's thing.

I spent some time with a small grey volume, I think it was in Cyrillic, that decided it was at home amongst my bookshelves. I couldn’t read it, of course, but… when it tried to read me back, I buried it on a lonely stretch of moorland.

Whatever the Entity of this book is?

Finally I found what I was searching for. In the back of a Chichester bookshop, I found my release. Ex Altiora. ‘From the Heights’. The owner didn’t want to part with it, a nasty, grubby little man who stank of sweat and self-importance, but I got it. And at last I had what I needed.

And at least two, probably three failed potential patrons later he settles on The Vast. (Also reading Mike's description of Herbert Knox and knowing how different those events must have looked from Mike's perspective is a little funny.)

There are echoes of resignation, I think, almost desperation. That can’t be right, though. What reason would I have had not to jump? Not to become as I am now.

Ah shit, I didn't remember this little line but it just hit me like a backhand slap! How creepy is this? He doesn't even really remember what feeling ... not of-the-Vast is like!

Daisy: Is this man human? Jon: I… Er, no, I, I don’t think so. Not anymore. Daisy: Right. What does it do?

Yikes, that exchange is really fucking scary actually, the immediate switch to 'it'... This whole exchange with Daisy is horrifying, actually, the speed and efficiency of it, not a moment's hesitation before putting Mike out of action in order to kill him.

Jon: So… so what now? You kill us? Daisy: You think he’s going to save you? Jon: What? What, no – - GUNSHOT AND THE SOUND OF JON GASPING IN SHOCK AND HORROR -

And just like that, after being touched by at least four, possibly five Entities, Mike is shot. Just like that. ...

Okay, okay, technically it's the meeting with a sixth Entity that he doesn't survive, the Hunt, but the way the Hunt presents here in Daisy is so, so very human.

Daisy: That’s how you want it? Fine. You brought a knife. So we go through the voicebox.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: Daisy is fucking terrifying.

Daisy: You don’t know what he is. You don’t know what it’s like to have your secrets pulled out like teeth, just because he asked? Jon: (panicking, sounding somewhat tearful) I’m sorry, I didn’t –

I think this is the most obviously terrified that we've seen Jon to date, which is interesting because it's not actually the only time he has been this close to death. Maybe it's because he's just so helpless at that moment, because he can't even run anymore?

My impression of this episode

Well, this is rather intense, isn't it? First Mike's statement, which, as I said, fascinates me, the entirety of his extremely colourful life and then ... his sudden and brutal end. And very nearly Jon's, too, if Basira hadn't intervened. Yeah, this is just ... a lot.

[somuchbetterthanthat]

"I also have like, actual arguments as to why you can infer it’s possible that they did much more than just “send the fears away in another universe” " I'm curious to know more about what your arguments are! I love the idea of jon and martin's final actions being based on the desperate hope that they could save their world AND still subvert the web's plan.

Oh, well, it’s not much, really, but 

1. to me, the ambiguity of it all (they didn’t /say/ they were trying to do the web’s plan after, just “send them away”) definitely implies something else than was already told to us. Also I... mmh, chose not to buy that Jon, who’s been so stubborn and clear about his convictions that the fears shouldn’t escape, would suddenly change his mind like that, unless he’d realized. Something. Until he’d seen a thread of hope, helped by his new found omniscient /and/ his anchor being right there. Plus the realization the lighter was gone.

2. Also, second is: Jon resisted the Eye’s pull, as predicted, but I’m pretty sure /he also resisted the web/ during the discussion with Martin. I would need to relisten or reread that scene, but I think there is a specific moment where he’s /holding off/ which I think for me means okay, Jon really does have a grip on this /that Jonah didn’t have/, which means he can do /something more here/. 

3. The sounds that the tapes made. Here’s the thing, to me, it felt like they were rewind and ... mm. swallowed up, almost? which feels. How to say. More internal than external to me. The big thing with the web’s plan was like “if there is no anchor with the eye’s pupil, nor an anchor in the archives, then the fears will just go wherever they need to go” right? But well. Jon has specifically been made to be a special archive -- not like Jonah, again -- He’s not JUST the eye’s pupil. So what if they did kill the eye’s pupil -- except he doesn’t die /immediately/ and the archives burn early? could he have pulled the fears /into/ him, swallowed them up helped with Martin, right before everything is over? I don’t know if i’m making sense, it’s very late but.

4. There are no bodies. I know it could mean a million things, but to me if the web’s scenario had gone just as Annabelle laid it out, there’d be no reason for Basira Georgie and Melanie not to find Jon’s corpse, or Jon and Martin’s corpses. Where would they have gone? Especially Martin’s, if we want to be picky and said Jon was still linked to them even dead. I feel it’s /significant/ that they’re no found. 

So.. I guess it’s not much, and It relies a lot on my interpretation of stuff, but here’s are my argument as to why they didn’t end up doing what was supposed to be happening. 

[cassyapper]

loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

[rachelbethhines]

TTS Songs Ranked Worst to Best

Someone asked me to rank my fav and least fav TTS songs a while back, but I’ve since then relistened to the soundtrack and there’s a whole bunch of songs that just forgot about, so here’s a more accurate ranking now that the songs are more fresh in my mind

32 .  Life After Happily Ever After (Reprise)

This song is infuriating, because the finale is infuriating. Listening to this song just makes me angry all over again because it reminds me just how unsatisfying the ending to TTS was. I wanted to turn it off at several points. I barely can get through it despite it being so short. It doesn’t help that the soundtrack leaves all the dialogue in there and fails to actually end the song. It just cuts off before the final note.

31. Hook Foot’s Ballad

Does this even count as a song? Why is it here on the soundtrack but not the Hurt Incantation? Did Menken really waste his talent writing a joke and did the showrunners really waste money and limited resources on this?

30. Friendship Song

Bland, boring, and pointless. It was clearly written as a marketing stunt for the radio disney charts and not as anything to do with the plot of the series. They just throw it up on screen to fill out the running time and don't even let the whole song play through. It’s pitiful.

29. Waiting in the Wings (Reprise)

I didn’t think much of the original song one way or the other, but the reprise is soooo dumb. The plot twist it introduces winds up ruining the whole show and sabotaging both Cassandra’s and Rapunzel’s characters. It’s not even a nice sounding song on it’s own. The kid’s voice is irritating (who I’m sure is doing her best, but really little kids shouldn’t be made to sing professionally as a general rule) and the melody just as bland as the first time it was played. The only reason to like this song is if you’r a mega fan of Cassandra’s or her VA, which I am not. (Note: this is not a criticism of Eden Espinosa, I just don’t happen to follow any of the VAs in this show)      

28. Through It All

I like the instrumentals in this song, and that’s about it. Everything about this song is wrong. It doesn’t fit the story, it’s a misuse of the cast and songwriters, it’s a waste of valuable screen time, the melody is dull, and the dang soundtrack had to throw in that lame dialogue about ‘greatest threat ever’ at the beginning. If you want a pump up song in your story then you got to earn it. You can’t just tell us things are bad, you got to show it. A joyful horseback ride and everyone sitting in a bar safe and sound isn’t threatening or depressing enough to warrant a cheering up session. Plus the song itself doesn’t add anything to the overall story.

27.  The Girl Who Has Everything

Sometimes I think the writers were willing trying to sabotage themselves. It’s as if they were determined to make the only two main female characters in the show unlikeable bitches in season three.   Don’t believe me? The creator Chris has said this song only exists to highlight how much easier Rapunzel has things than Cass and went onto say that Rapunzel was in the wrong during their conflict because ‘she held Cassandra back’. (Oh yeah she totally ‘held back’ the grown woman who left on her own accord, returned on her own accord, and then assaulted and tried to murder a bunch of people for no reason of her own accord.) But this song does succeed in furthering season’s three narrative that Rapunzel is a spoiled selfish brat. Shame the story fails to address this setup and never has Rapunzel learn to be a better person. Rather the narrative bends over backward to tell us how special Rapunzel is without any sense of self awareness and this song falls into that same trap; making it both irritating and pointless.

26. Listen Up

Yeah, I talked about this on my salt marathon, but I just don't like this song very much. The melody is fine but the lyrics are a real miss in my mind. It doesn’t help matters that the song is indeed pointless in the grand scheme of things.

25.  Livin’ the Dream

This is much on the same level as Listen Up as it features the same problems. It doesn’t add to the narrative and the lyrics kind of let it down. I placed it higher just because I like the melody a little more.

24.  More of Me

This song is a lot like the Friendship Song in that it was created to be an end credit song for the pop charts and you’d be forgiven in forgetting it even exists. However, it at least got to actually play all the way through. I think this song was a real missed opportunity. I honestly believe that it should have been the opening theme song of the show instead of Wind in My Hair. It’s more built to serve such a purpose and it’s a waste of resources not to actually use it. Alternatively, I would have accepted it being reworked into the actual series as a character song. Especially since we’re missing a song in season three due to budget cuts.  

23. Wind In My Hair

Speaking of theme songs, I think I would like Wind In My Hair a lot better if i didn’t have to listen to it every episode. On its own it actually has a lot of things going for it; a nice melody, interesting instrumentals, good singing, ect. Unfortunately it’s just over exposed, and none of those elements lend themselves naturally to an intro song for a tv show. In fact the theme song feels really out of place and is edited oddly to fit the shorter intro. 

22. Wind In My Hair (Reprise)  

Honestly the theme song is mostly comprised of this reprise, but it has the opening instrumentals from the OG song frankensteined onto it. This means that the version that plays before every episode is on fullblast all the time to keep the energy up, but that’s not how the song is suppose to go.  The actual reprise that plays in the pilot builds to a crescendo, starting soft and melancolony and getting louder and more hopeful and determined. It sounds a lot better in full because of that.  It’s still too overexposed though. Both these songs would probably be higher on the list of not for the theme song version. 

21. With You by My Side

This song is fine. It’s nothing special, but it’s not bad either. What knocks it down the list is the fact that Lance isn’t in it, despite Lance being right there.  Like don't bother hiring a famous Broadway singer if you’re not going to have him sing!  But that speaks more to the poor writing of season two than anything else. This song also doesn’t really add anything to the narrative as, contrary to what the writers intended, it doesn’t actually enhance the emotional impact of Cassandra’s betrayal later in the episode. The song itself is just tacked on and doesn’t take the opportunity to lay down any foreshadowing for that plot point.  

20. Next Stop Anywhere

Another perfectly serviable song. It’s not bad but nothing outstanding. It gets the job done. It’s also really ho-hum and the soundtrack keeps all the unneeded dialogue, which is a pet peeve of mine. 

19. Waiting In the Wings

Despite it’s hype, I never thought much of Waiting in the Wings. It’s got nice instrumentals and Eden Espinosa gives it her all in the singing department. The problem is it’s too generic. It’s a bare bones basic ass ‘I want song’. Cassandra's movations are weak and unsupported by the narrative, the melody is boring, and it honestly doesn’t add anything to her story. I mean it should, it’s her character solo, but because she’s written so poorly the song just winds up undermining the character in the end.   All I’m saying is that, this is not the song from season two that I would have nominated for the Emmys. But it’s still Alan Menken, it’s still nicely performed, and given the rest of the competition for that year, it did deserve to win. 

18. If I Could Take That Moment Back 

This song is also pretty generic, but it’s less boring than I See the Light, (yeah, I said it, I See the Light is boring) so that’s a win in my book. Ergo this holds the title of the only New Dream duet that I enjoy. But there’s better stuff on this list. 

17. Next Stop Anywhere (Reprise)

Well no, I take that back. The reprise of Next Stop Anywhere is also technically a New Dream duet. It’s still not anything amazing, but it works for what it is. Plus, Adria’s opening dialogue in the soundtrack version doesn’t bother me quite as much as some of the other dialogues choices that were kept in.  

16. Stronger Than Ever Before 

I really enjoyed this song in the moment. It’s catchy and fun, and it finally has Lance doing something rather than ignoring his existence. However it is borderline unnecessary in terms of story placement, and I’m slightly mad at it now that I know that we could have gotten a Rapunzel and Varian duet but it was scrapped for this instead.   

15. Crossing the Line

Keeping with the theme of ‘songs I have conflicting emotions about’, we have Crossing the Line.  This song is confused. It starts and stops, the melody isn’t clear, the orchestration is playing tug of war with the singers for dominance, and it’s basically Alan Menken and the show’s creators ripping off Frozen. (I guess he’s kicking himself for leaving that particular project?)   But it’s interesting. I never heard anything quite like it. It’s memorable even if it doesn’t fully work. It’s got these interesting bits and pieces to it that just never quite comes together as a whole. Some of the lyrics are some of the best Glenn Slater has ever wrote and is far better than the story actually surrounding the song. Yet there’s other lines that are total cringe. Sometimes the song is bold and catchy and gets you all hyped up, and then other times its limp and staggering and feels so awkward to listen to.  Yet it’s not boring or generic and so I have to place it higher than the rest of the songs that’s come before. (Also, there’s some amazing orchestral covers out there that really pulls together the various parts really well, just fyi) 

14.  Nothing Left to Lose

I really don't like this song.  I’ve been one of its biggest critics ever since it was leaked by the marketing team earlier this year.  And yet... I can’t in good conscience place any lower on this list.  All of the problems I have with it are the exact same problems I have with Crossing the Line. It’s confused, the various pieces don't line up, the instrumentals are competing with the vocals, the song’s progression is weird with it’s constant key changes, some of the lyrics are good while others are absolute shit, ect and so forth.  It also actively works against the story it's trying to tell. The song wants you to sympathize with Cassandra, but her lines are as shallow as a puddle and makes her look like a sociopath. Especially when she’s physically attacking Varian through out for no reason. Also neither character learns anything from the exchange and it fails to impact the story.  By all accounts this is a bad song.  But I’m Varian trash.  There I said it. You happy?  Varian’s parts in the songs are fine, good even, and the song is anything but bland. I would rather listen to a mess then be bored to tears by a competent yet standard four chord pop song. 

13. I’d Give Anything

This song is nice to listen to. Story wise it absolutely sucks and shouldn’t have been in the finale at all. But it sounds pleasant.  This is one of those songs that could pop up randomly on the radio and I would just think it it a nice sad break up song. I can’t say that about some of the other misplaced songs in the show. This one however, you can very much, absolutely divorce this song from the narrative and it would be fine.  Now that’s not good writing, and it’s very much a waste of limited resources, but I’m rating the music here first and story second. 

12. Buddy Song

The Buddy Song also absolutely did not need to exist but it also sounds nice. Plus, it makes use of Lance so I’m a little more lenient towards it.   I can’t however place it higher since it really is just Alan Menken ripping off Alan Menken. Like, I would not be at all surprised to find out that this was originally a deleted song for Aladdin or something.  

11. Bigger Than That

What can I say, Lance just gets good songs. When the show bothers to give them to him.  Unfortunately, it’s not the best placed. It kind of interrupts the more important drama of Be Very Afraid, and probably should have been saved for a later episode. Especially since it hinges on a plot point that is contradictory to Lance’s character.    We should have gotten a Varian and Rapunzel duet here and given Lance his own episode in the second half of season three. This song could have easily been refitted into being a bonding moment for him and the girls. That would also have filled out the season’s original songs to the usual eight instead of only  seven.

10. Life After Happily Ever After

Now we’re getting to the good stuff. The top ten. The best of the best.  This song makes the cut for three reasons.  1. It lyrically and musically interesting 2. It does the job of furthering the story and the characters  and 3. Eugene’s part is so damn good.  Like this song could have easily fell down into the ranks of ‘fine but generic’ if it wasn’t for the bridge with Eugene. That puts it over the top and to my mind makes it better than anything from the OG film. (well almost anything, Mother Knows Best is still great)    This is the barometer by which I measure all of the music in the series. Is it better or worse than Life After Happily Ever After? Because this is the level that I equate good musicals with.  What keeps on the tenth spot and not higher is the dialogue that still left on the soundtrack and the lack of a Cassandra introduction. That and also the rest of the songs are just flat better. 

9. Hurt Incantation 

Hurt, Decay, Reverse, whatever you want to call it, this was such a cool fucking concept. One that was utterly wasted by the show.  I place this so high because it just sounds awesome! It looks good too, and it offered up so many possibilities from a story perspective.  What lets it down is the lack of follow up for it and it’s too short. There’s needed to be another verse. It also should have been on the actual soundtrack instead of  Hook Foot’s Ballad.  (The Heal Incantation also was sung in What the Hair, but I’m not counting it since it was written for the film) 

8.  The Girl Who Has Everything (Reprise)

I hate the initial song and the set up that it took to get here, but I love this reprise. It’s perfect. This is what the story needed more of. Rapunzel taking her life into her hands, and her proposing to Eugene would have been the perfect capstone for her arc.  In fact I’m angry we didn’t actually get that. There’s absolutely no reason why Rapunzel couldn’t have done so and we could have had her and Eugene engaged during the second half of season three. How much better would have it been if Cassandra threatened their wedding plans and that’s why they couldn’t go through with it until after the series ended? So much more tension that way. 

7. I Got This

This is a really good song that actually futhers the characters and the narrative. Moreover it’s refreshing to see the heroine not be perfect and to fail sometimes due to her own inadequacies. It’s just a shame that the series didn’t follow through with this set up, but I appreciate the attempt all the same.   

6.  Set Yourself Free

This is the only song in the series that’s an actual satisfying pay off for anything. Music wise it’s nothing too special, but in terms of context it just works. We were sorely deprived of such resolutions and songs with actual meaning in the show. 

5. View From Up Here

This song is too good for the episode it actually appears in. We needed something like this back in season one to introduce Cassandra with. It also sadly doesn’t fit with the wider narrative after season three. However I shall still appreciate it as a ‘what might have been’ type song. 

4.  Let Me Make You Proud 

The only reason why this song isn’t higher is just overexposure and I’ve no one to blame but myself for that. I’ve listened to this song way too many times. As such it tends to alternate between this, View from Up Here, and the next song on the list. But make no mistake it is glorious. Fantastic instrumentals, set up, and of course amazing vocals. 

3.  Everything I Ever Thought I Knew

Yes, I know this plot point didn’t lead anywhere, but it works for this song at least. Also Eugene’s VA is a really underrated singer. He sounds nice and he emotes really well.  Though I’ll be honest, this jumped up to third place because it was fresh in my mind after listening to the soundtrack before making this list. I’ve always liked the song and I do rate it highly, but it can change places with Let Me Make You Proud and View from Up Here at anytime depending on my mood. 

2.  Let Me Make You Proud (Reprise)

This song is heartbreaking!  Story wise it probably shouldn’t exist because it gives away the twist too soon, but who cares, it’s awesome!  Varian’s arc is the most compelling in the show and the only thing that saves TTS from falling into mediocre obscurity; and it’s songs like this that help make the arc stand out even more than it already does. 

1. Ready As I’ll Ever Be

I said it before and I’ll say it again; Ready As I’ll Ever Be is the greatest thing Alan Menken has ever written in his entire career!  If you know anything about the multiple award winning songwriter then you know that is no faint praise and I do not dole it out lightly.  This song is the reason why this show even has a fanbase. People are still getting into the series because of this song. And no matter how many times you listen to it just rocks!   It’s complex, layered, moody, and with a fantastic beat and energy. The performances are wonderful and the instrumentation glorious. It belongs in the hollows of Disney’s greatest hits and not regulated to a spin-off tv show that failed to make its money back.  I weep for the lost potential that this song and this show had. It hurts to know that so many people will never see this flash of brilliance that has come out of the House of Mouse, will never know the wonderfulness that is Varian.  Ah, ‘c'est la vie’, I suppose. Tangled the Series got what it deserved, but it's crew did not. While I can not in all honesty recommend the series in full; I do sincerely urge any Disney fan to check out the songs at the very least. Especially this one.  And that’s it. There’s my official ranking of all the songs, and I hope those of you read my Tangled reviews appreciate the hours it took into making this.