#(Because Ive gotten a LOT of them lately on my blogs)

[vanillabat99]

My legs (mostly my thighs and hips) are hurting pretty bad right now. They've been hurting a little bit throughout the week, but it's really bad tonight. I just took some acetaminophen but I don't have high hopes of it doing anything, it rarely does. I'm hoping this passes and doesn't become my new normal ._.

[koushirouizumi]

Hey, listen, PLEASE don't rb posts from me "advising" people to not get their @ utism diagnosis if they genuinely want one.

Please. Please.

Because I'm going to block you if you continue.

{Edit: I don't mind if people want to genuinely rb the informative posts from me, but please rb from OP's or the source I rb'd from if you're going to get into debate on them in my Notes. I'm rbng @ utism positivity to spread awareness and acceptance of @ utism, including diagnosis, (AS a diagnosed since my childhood pre 2k13 @ utistic) not fear and hatred.}

[evansbby]

an update from me :)

hey everyone, i know i haven’t been very active on here lately. and the reason is because a lot of things in my life have changed. i’ve been debating even sharing this but i feel like i’m in a good enough position to be okay with sharing it.

so these past two years, i had been super active on here (late 2022- early 24) and that was because, well, I didn’t really have anything else. that’s because I had graduated in 2022 and then i just couldn’t find a job in my field. like so many other recent graduates, it was just so hard and tough and it really made me lose all faith in myself.

i found myself to be in the worst mental state i had ever been. I cut myself off from my friends, felt like a burden towards my family, was having meltdowns and panic attacks almost daily, even started eating unhealthily and was just overall in a very bad place.

HOWEVER, i always felt like I could come on tumblr and that’s why i was so active and writing all these stories because honestly, they were almost like a crutch to me. like the ONE thing i had to look forward to in life during those times was the feedback I’d get when i posted a fic, and honestly it’s what kept me going. like i swear to god, on some days this blog and community was the only thing that i had to look forward to and keep me going, and writing felt like such a huge escape.

because i felt so USELESS. like i was wasting my life and not making any money or being able to kickstart my career after uni, and that it would be like this forever, so when I was writing it actually felt like I was doing something with a purpose. honestly on some days I would literally wake up early and go sit in Starbucks all day just writing my fics like i was cosplaying working or something just so I’d have a purpose. (I don’t go to Starbucks anymore lol boycott)

anyways, i never shared this on tumblr these past few years bc you guys don’t understand what a failure i felt like. i would sometimes get asks on here asking what i did for a job and I’d feel so embarrassed of my current state of being unable to find a job when it felt like everyone else who had graduated with me had one and obtained one so easily. like i felt ASHAMED.

i remember once i got an ask asking what my job was and I just said “fashion marketing” bc that was one of the things i wanted to do and id done an internship in that field so i just put that but it was a LIE i was unemployed and the most depressed ive been in my whole life but I thought maybe i could manifest it.

ANYWAYS, and you’ve probably already guessed it, but the reason I’m not so active anymore is because I did eventually find a job. a really good one that I’m enjoying so much and I’m so happy at. Finally, I’m feeling like myself again, like I’m living that life in London as a twenty something that I’d see everyone on tiktok living!! Like I’m finally just having fun, going out with friends, being active, having money to spend on fun things etc.

and it feels so surreal and crazy because when i was depressed and jobless, it made me doubt myself so much. Like the constant rejections and failed interviews made me doubt myself and lowered my self esteem so much and I thought I’d NEVER achieve this life that i have now! And I don’t want to jinx it but I literally thank God every day for finally granting me this because I really feel like I would’ve gotten worse and worse and IDEK.

But back to the main point, and so because of my new job I just don’t have that much time for tumblr anymore. But this isn’t a goodbye post… not at all! I find that when I’m super busy in life is also when I get the most motivated to write! Like for example in summer 2022 I was on here so much and that was the summer I had the most fun, was the most busy. I think when I’m busy in life, I get motivated to write.

Which I believe is the case right now, because I’m SO motivated to complete all my stories, I keep thinking about them and writing them slowly, so please don’t think anything is abandoned! I just wanted to make this post to be more transparent about what’s been going on in my life and what had been going on these past two years. That maybe someone else going through something similar can see that eventually, everything does work out.

Anddd I don’t really know how to end this. I just want to say, yall don’t understand just how thankful I am for having this blog, this platform, to write my stories. For having you guys. Because who knows how much worse my mental state would’ve been these past two years when I didn’t have ANYTHING else going for me, if I hadn’t had this blog it would’ve been so much worse.

Thank you so much for believing in me and enjoying my stories and always always letting me know how much you enjoy them. And I’ll say the truth; I know everyone says that engagement on tumblr has been bad lately but I can say that bc of you guys I have literally never EVER had this issue. And that’s not me being big headed, that’s just the truth and it makes me so happy and grateful. Yall always came through for me and still do now! Every time I think my fic is going to flop, you guys come through for me. I appreciate it so much. You guys have no idea how much you helped me when I was at my lowest. And continue to.

Many thanks

Me 🩷🩷🫶🏼🫶🏼

[yanderefarm]

Whoah I sent in an ask a good while ago I think regarding daddy kink + ares if I remember back before you even had any of your OCs drawn up (which I think sadly didn't send unless I missed ur response but that's okay!) my point simply is GAH DAMN your account grew so fast!! I actually had some HCs regarding Ares and Achilles when you first started posting about them (appearance wise) and was super shocked when I saw what they actually look like lol! They look great tho I just was caught off guard! Anyway I'm a bit late but that's all to say congrats on the growth and 1000 followers! This has been crazy to witness :0

damn ur an og fr! like i posted the stuff about ares first back in march.

i also had a different appearance in mind at first but i had to work within my own limitations as an artist. if i could increase the curl on ares it would be a lot higher.

i don't think I've ever gotten a daddy kink ask about ares?? i have one abt emil that has been sitting here since before his appearance came out maybe you're thinking about him? it's been sitting here bc i do not know what to write so ive been holding it until the inspiration came.

it is really crazy to reach almost 1000 followers in like a month? i think it was like 200 when i came back to this blog last month. and so yeah thats crazy. its crazy people like care about these little guys and like reading about them and finding out about them. i really did expect to just post a little bit to pass the time and then probably disappear for a while but that did not happen.

I'm really really grateful too because last month was really really rough for me. so having this to focus on like it really helped and i appreciate you all so much.

thank you so much for sending me asks 💖

[celestie0]

a note on asking for updates

hellooo im sorry to have to make this post but i’ve been getting quite a few asks recently that have been asking me to update for kickoff and i just want to share that i don’t really enjoy receiving those sorts of asks :””) it is a part of my blog’s rules to not ask for updates, and it’s also stated that i don’t have any update schedule for my fics, but i will try to make this a bit more clear in the following:

please do not ask me when i will be uploading chapters, i’ve got no clue

please do not ask me if i’m done with chapters or for my progress on them

please do not tell me or demand me to update (yes even saying ‘please’ still feels like a demand for updates to me)

i’ve talked about this briefly on my blog before, but receiving these sorts of asks is upsetting for me n tend to make me anxious about my writing process. it takes me hours of my own personal time to write chapters, but it feels very shallow n disheartening to receive asks such as “update pls bc i can’t wait”…

my simple answer to any of those asks is

i’ve got no clue when i will update! i try not to give estimates bc deadlines or trying to stick to a schedule will only give me writer’s block n anxiety. the only time i’ll give a direct estimate is when i’ve officially queued a chapter. while i’d be flattered to hear you’re looking forward to updates, i don’t find it kind when ppl pressure me for them.

now if you’re wondering “i don’t think i’ve seen other authors have an issue with this tho 🤔” i really can’t explain why i feel pressured by these sorts of asks, but it’s just how i feel and so therefore it’s valid.

anyways, thank you for your continued patience!! i love interacting w everyone sm and the asks ive been recieving lately have been so lovely n motivational n some have brought me to legit tears i love u guys lots :”) just wanted to bring this specific rule up again because i know i’ve gotten new readers recently, and this rule is really important to me for my blog. thank you!!

[navire190413]

haha i got drunk and wrote like 2,000 words about my experience with learning japanese. read it sober and just sat in front of my computer like 😐

you know when old people talk a lot and sometimes its hard to tell if they’re trying to pass on wisdom or are just kind of full of themselves and want to talk about themselves? what i wrote was definitely the latter. i’m just an おじいさん who wants to drink and smoke and talk about myself and my hard work lol

one of my favorite 居酒屋 to visit on my way home from work is closing for good this weekend. its open 24/7 so it was always great for stopping by after drinking at the bar until morning. their squid and shrimp 串カツ are soooo good. i’m actually here now typing this on my phone. this izakaya is in a basement so i don’t have signal. i just end up scrolling through my photos or blogging in my notes while sitting here alone for an hour until my favorite bar opens at 7.

the last time i came here a server ive become acquainted with hit on me, and i didn’t pick up on it at all, so my reaction was kind of dull. i only realized he was hitting on me when he turned around and all the other servers were laughing at him bc they were all eavesdropping. he probably mentioned he was gonna do it beforehand haha. i’m so sorry. i would be totally down to grab drinks if i realized sooner 😂

he always makes me turn around and show him my backpiece when im wearing tanktops and croptops. and hes always basically yelling カッコいい！！its cute how not normal tattoos are here. i would never get these reactions in america but sometimes it can be annoying. yes yes i have a lot of tattoos. yes. expensive. yes painful. and then they find out about my scarification, which honestly most people in the states have also never seen, so then its a weird balance of explaining my love for body modification and not self mutilation.

money has gotten TIGHT lately. im literally courting my ex and bringing him to izakayas and nice restaurants every week and im going broke from it so i gotta stop hahaha. we did have a really good time last night, though. and hes always really grateful and respectful when im paying. he also initiated a lot of kisses and kept kissing my cheeks last night which was weird and not like him at all. im not gonna think about it anymore tho.

i am super excited about where we’re going on saturday. its an 青森県 restaurant and i guess they get fish delivered daily from there, so i hope its super fresh and tasty 😤. i unfortunately booked too late and couldnt get a private room, but i think sitting at the counter will be nice since we’re doing the all-you-can-drink course and itll be faster to get our drinks if we’re not in a secluded room.

my go-to drink for the past 2 years living here has always been highballs, but lately theyre way too strong for me. ive become obsessed with lemon sours, but because its not whiskey in them like highballs i become drunk super super fast. good for cost performance purposes but dangerous since im used to my highball drinking pace. i usually dont black out if i only drink for 2-3 hours on a work night but the other day i drank my usual amount, just this time they were lemon sours and not highballs. i was on the verge of blacking out returning home at only 9pm on a monday 😂

i can’t stop thinking about the guy who asked me to be his girlfriend two weeks ago. he’s american and he’s nice enough, but he’s been living in japan for over a year and cant even say すみません to get a server’s attention. he also doesnt eat meat, so i cant introduce him to yakiniku and yakitori which are my go-to. everytime we hungout i had to translate everything and guide him around tokyo. i brought him to an izakaya for his first time and had to teach him the words for squid and octopus. which he promptly forgot 2 minutes later. its literally taco and ika!!! we got lost in a department store one time and i had to ask for directions while he just stood there. it always felt like i was with a child who knew nothing when we were together. as friends, im more than happy to introduce tokyo and translate. but as someone who was obviously trying to be appealing to me, it was honestly a massive ick. i have no preference when it comes to what ethnicity or cultural background someone is, but i cant date someone who knows less about japan than me. it was a good realization actually! i always say i dont have a type, but i think im slowly starting to realize my type. he doesnt have friends so he would always say “lets go out and explore tokyo together!”dude i have been experiencing tokyo for 2 years. i have my favourite spots and my favourite neighborhoods and i know how to find good restaurants and i regularly go out and just do shit by myself because i can navigate it by myself. he also was expecting me to teach him japanese which was just soooo….

when you get to a level where you’ve lived somewhere long enough and can speak the language a lot of people expect you to be a free tour guide. when it comes to strictly friends with no expectation of me, im more than happy to plan a day of sightseeing and introductions but sometimes when i make friends with foreigners it feels like that’s all they want out of me. i mean it goes both ways. a lot of japanese men just view me as a fetish object. omg a white girl who i can actually speak to!!! maybe she can teach me english!!! ive never fucked a 6 foot tall white girl with tattoos!!!

for my established friends, i happily translate stuff for them and give them english lessons but man it feels like theres a lot of expectations of me meeting people here. from foreigners and native japanese people.

i have a lot of foreign friends who have lived here longer than me and dont speak a lick of japanese and dont have any plans on learning. i dont really feel one way or the other about it. theyve been here long enough and know they can get around and have fun without knowing the language. i cant imagine how tough that is sometimes so more power to them. but its always the people complaining they want to learn and want to understand and communicate but still for some reason just dont sit down and study or make an effort to make japanese friends so they can atleast pick up conversational japanese that i dont understand. why are you not studying???? sure its hard but just do it??? you dont even have to use textbooks. apps kind of suck once you get past the basics but its at least something you can do while riding the train and then atleast i wouldnt have to order for you at the bar after youve been living here for several months!!!

im a princess and a brat and am obsessive so studying is super easy for me. i studying during my lunch breaks and anytime im riding the train. i understand thats not the case for everyone, so i try to take the time to teach my friends who want to learn japanese important phrases for day to day life. maybe textbooks and studying isnt their thing, which is fine. okay i’ll teach you as we go. but even then they dont retain anything 😂 dont complain to me about not being able to speak japanese if you’re not going to put in a little bit of effort to atleast order a beer by yourself!!!! and if youre over thinking the difference between ください and お願いします before you can even say [名前]と申します, youre thinking too much!!!!! japanese is hard. theres a lot of info. if you start getting into super specific japanese before you can do self introductions, its gonna be a long long road. so im super happy i learned japanese in america where i went textbook step by step instead of being surrounded by confusing japanese all day long. when i try to teach my friends japanese they always somehow ask me about n2 grammar. and its just like. stop. ignore that. that does NOT have anything to do with you at this time. i was N2 before N3 grammar even made sense to me (i did get full points on n3 test despite none of it making sense to me though 😂) because i finally had context for it and could make the connections. without those building blocks and going step by step id be lost. and thats why you should study the language before coming to a foreign country.

god im judgmental.

[our-t4t-experience]

WE ARE :D

okayokay and also a lot of it has to do w transness

i am a t4t gayboy and i met this other guy whos the coolest ever and hes also a gayboy (i dont think hes t4t but !!)

ESSENTIALLY, as is in true gay fashion, i became friends w him at the beginning of the school year, and weve gotten more and more close ever since.

i have my seminar with him, and every day during seminar we sit under the table and talk about life, and his favorite bands (which are now mine, because i like to steal the interests of the people i love) and its awesome. i love being around him, his presence is comforting.

on A days, i sit with him and a few friends at lunch, and the cafeteria is quite loud (and i have major overstimulation issues,) so sometimes ill get overwhelmed and he always notices and makes sure im okay, and sometimes when i don’t feel like i can do it, hell sit with me in the stairwell and let me talk about whats bothering me and he’ll just listen and give advice. On B days, during lunch, we just sit in a corner somewhere and talk. he’ll always listen and help me and ill so the same for him. if its not him comforting me, i get to talk to him and hear him ramble about his bands and his favorite things and i love the way he sounds when hes happy - i love the way his smile is so bright, and i love the way he looks when he gets embarrassed and realizes hes loud (i dont mind it - its not aggressive.)

every day after school, we hang out for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, just. coexisting. its awesome. i love him. and we spend this time working on hw together, and talking about the things we love.

i have a very all-over-the-place tumblr blog, which comes with a lot of yearning, because im lonely and in love. but this boy, my boy, my crush, follows me and we like constantly support each others blogs. so sometimes, ill post yearning posts and HE’LL REBLOG THEM 💞. maybe im overthinking it but like if were looking for the same things in a relationship.. i mean !! it cant mean nothing!! like the other day i reblogged a post that was like “all i need in life is a boy to lay on my lap and let me play with his hair” and he reblogged it with the tags “#all i need in life is a boy to let me lay on his lap and play with my hair” AND OMG??? LIKE MARRY ME UGH gosh this is so exhilirating.

also the other day i wrote him a long paragraph about how much i love him (we say “i love you” to each other consistently, presumably in a platonic way, but its never been specified or indicated, sadly :() and it was like (ill include a little excerpt)

“[…]nothing can come close to [describing] the feeling i get when im with you, not by a long shot. its so much stronger in a way that youd think it would have its own word, like how "a lot" has "a myriad," and ones stronger, more intentful, more meaningful. if there was a word that was as to love as myriad is to lot, my love for you would still be stronger. i am more than eternally grateful for your presence and where you have brought me since ive met you. talking to you has been the actual light of my life lately.” AND SO SO MUCH MORE IT WAS LIKE 700 WORDS LONG - AND IT WAS ALL LIKE THAT YK

and the next day i get this:

“I love you a alot (name). […] I love you so so much. […] I want to give you all that you deserve. Because people don't remind you of your actual worth. And if I can be a start to help you to that path, I'd be so fucking happy. I, more than anything need you to know just how much of an amazing person you are. […] I promise to always listen to you. Always. It's the least I could do. You're an amazing person <3” WITH A LOT MORE BUT I CUT A LOT OF IT FOR WORDS SSKE BUT AAAAAA HE WROTE ME A PARAGRAPH!!!!!!

ALSO we call almost every night and i always text him good morning and hes the awesomest and i love spending time with him.

sometimes i also get text exchanges where i say “text me when you get home” and he says “im not home but i just couldnt wait <3” AAAAAAAAAAA

and “wish i had a boy to hold me n warm me up <//3” and he said “i volunteer as tribute!” AAAAAA

i think the point of this is i dont feel like he likes me back but im in love w the man dude like the other day he let me lay on his shoulder and he played w my hair and i nuzzled into his neck a bit and he giggled and i was like “hm?” and he said “youre adorable” AAAAAAAAAA SOBBFIANDBSJ and i just buried my red ass face in his neck and he giggled at me again and i said fuck you and UGH i love him so much and all i wanna do is just be his i just wanna be his boy and he can be mine and we can be boyfriends!!!

and also hes also so awesome because he makes me feel so validated and sometimes when i like my outfit ill send him pics of it and he’ll say “you look very boy / very cis” and ill be like “no” and sometimes hell tell me how i look cis and sometimes hell say he wishes i could see myself the way he sees me. i wish i could understand how he sees me. i wanna know how he thinks of me, i wanna know if hed ever love me the way i love him!! i love him. so much. id do anything for him.

thank u for letting me ramble, i needed to get it out of my system because i cant tell anyone else cause theyd tell him but god i love him. so much.

p.s. if you see this, i love you dude. youll know its you. if you dont love me back, just . idk . act like u never saw it ty <3

-🧷

send me an updated ask when u two get together

[bugthebugsblog]

hey everyone! i’ve been feeling a lot of negativity in the fandom lately and wanted to make a quick appreciation post especially for some of the ask blogs that we have now! excuse me if i miss any, and if i do please let me know and i’ll add it on :D

1. @jalph-speaks i may be a little biased on this one because mack is the mod, but i’ve always enjoyed how the storyline of this blog keeps so many people invested. it’s without a doubt one of my favourite ask blogs in the fandom, truly a godsend

2. @adventures-of-maurice another one of my favourite ask blogs in the fandom. i love the storyline with the ring and with maurice and sam’s past friendship.

3. @wavesovergraves i LOVE this blog so much, kara (the mod) is so sweet and the art is amazing. i love the way she writes all the characters and how we interact with them in return.

4. @ask-the-feral-boys i love how this blog is based on the island, and how each of the boys can respond to our asks. i think it’s really smart how it’s been confirmed that the boys think the asks are just voices in the head. it makes a lot of sense with how they’re mental states have to be declining over time on the island

5. @thief-and-bloody-swine this blog is run by two wonderful artists, i literally cant get over how amazing both of their art styles are plus i always love high school au’s with the boys

6. @naval-officer-x-parachute-man i don’t even have to say anything. this ship is literally GENIUS.

7. @lotf-dance-au HDHRHRHRHHRHR THIS MIGHT BE MY FAVOUROTE ASK BLOG IM NGL i LOVE seeing the art of the boys dancing it’s just sO GOOD

8. @ask-lotf-high another amazing high school au with some amazing creators. i love seeing the art on this blog, it’s just beautiful

9. @lord-of-the-clue i’m personally getting to help with this blog along with mack and kara and it’s been so much fun. coming up with the lore and the different relationships has been awesome, so i wanna thank these two especially for letting me help with this

10. @ask-the-lotf-boys this is another au with the boys on the island. it just recently got started and i’m already in love with it. i love the overall vibe of the au and i love how it’s centered around the hunters

11. @lord-of-the-mermaids this also recently just got started and it’s already so cool???? i never thought of an au like this but i’m enjoying reading some of the asks so much

12. @lord-of-the-summer-camp this is another really cool concept!! i love how so many creators are coming up with these ideas and giving the rest of the fandom an oppourtunity to interact with them

13. @lovely-dead-children this is another blog where i really love the overall vibe, it’s got a very cool aesthetic and i always love post-island aus

14. @ask-lotf-simon this is my own blog (my bad 🤭🤭) but we always need a lil self appreciation 😤😤💪 it’s the first lotf au ask blog ive done and ive already gotten a lot of asks and it’s really great that people are showing interest

anyways, i know that i kinda ended up rambling but i’m just really passionate about all these blogs. i think it’s important that we show these creators support because they’re making all this effort to make this fandom a better place for all of us!

[shamelessrabbithole]

i’m probably late to the party about noel and all but i wanted to throw my two cents in that discussion! i think we sometimes forget that actors/celebrities are just normal people like us and they’re not obliged to look a certain way to make us happy or anything like that. i don’t mean that we can’t have opinions (as i, for example, don’t like certain look choices of cam from recent years) but i think that speculating on wherever noel has some mental illness due to how he dresses and takes care of himself, isn’t exactly the best thing. to me the answer is very simple: noel is a normal guy who likes to wear cozy clothes and is comfortable in his own skin and with the concept of aging (that could mean accepting his hair getting thin and such— even tho to me it doesn’t look as tragic as people make it sound, he simply keeps them short and being light colour makes it look like it sometimes) he’s a guy, an adult. he surely flirts with his wife, he swears, tells dirty jokes and fucks around (he drinks, gets drunk and such) i don’t even think he sees himself as popular or anyone ‘important’ so he doesn’t have the need to appear in a certain way to the public. like, i think he’s okay with doing ‘low-key’ acting jobs instead of big franchise (not saying he wouldn’t like it but i don’t think he loses sleep from that) cameron said he’s trying to convince noel to do more and imo it doesn’t mean that noel is depressed or whatever (he could have some issues or not, anything is possible but we shouldn’t assume things like that) to me, until proven differently, noel is cozy and doesn’t want to be everywhere and do everything like cam does. cause cameron is the type of person who wants more and more and be famous, recognised and stuff. noel is just a dude chilling in his garden, having fun with his lowkey friends. he simply happens to be an actor and it’s a bit sad that just because of his career choice and how he decides to live his ‘famous life’— people will judge and think he’s not doing okay.

i personally don’t go out much, if not needed, when i do i just pick the first things i find which sometimes can be the same clothes i wore to my latest outing as 1- i don’t use it often as i don’t go out much 2- washing machines exist!

probably there’s this strong feeling towards noel’s appearance because he’s often confronted with cameron who’s always trying to find new things to do, new styles to try and always be talked about. not everyone is the same and wants much from their life/career.

sometimes i think of it and it makes me sad, ive followed shameless since the beginning and i saw how noel went from being just a guy interacting with fans of the tv show, having normal interactions like i would with anyone on the internet. sharing songs, books, his silly thoughts/jokes. the day he stopped it made me sad as it was due to fans judging, demanding and treating him and everyone else in the cast like they owe them something. it would be overwhelming as hell for me tbh.

i’m all in for gossips and such, i discuss here a lot and i like to see silly things like ranking of hairs and such but sometimes i feel like some people forget that we all are people with feelings. it’s like the internet anonymity makes people incredibly mean and bitter, we need to take a step back sometimes

Thanks for your ask. I agree with a lot of what you said. I just want to clarify that when anons write in to lament how rough and mean-spirited people have gotten in their critiques of Noel, they're not necessarily pointing out the posts on this particular blog. They mean in general because it's gotten bad elsewhere, out there.

So, sensitivities (including my own) may be running high, not because anons here have been hitting below the belt, but that Noel-bashing is becoming the new normal and it's not slowing down. In fact, the more visible he is, the more he's picked apart. There was a time on this blog where a Noel sighting was beyond rare and anons mostly were sad over his complete disappearance. I think some people ought to recall how much worse it is when he hibernates and not lose sight of that. Or, simply move on and stan someone they find more appealing.

[jayflrt]

lol about your post on fate+… i agree!!! long ass rant incoming 😭

first of all, the tour is very rushed. yes ik the boys have been hinting at it since their LA show back in october but announcing the tour the day after the last show of the regular fate tour and giving engenes only a week for ticketing is wild. but kpop companies have caught on that many fans will spend $$$ to see their idols and will gather up money somehow even with a few days notice. it’s so ughhh because it brings me to my next point.

the ticket pricing 🙄🙄 wdym nyc show VIP1 was $700+ with fees. and no benefits with the VIP package were announced so nobody including the arena staff know if send off is included. (i hope it isn’t cause goddamn after that first LA show it was a mess) ive never gotten VIP/GA tickets for any concert ever because i only started working a year and a half ago and just personally don’t think it’s worth it for me considering i make minimum wage at the moment. but i spent $150 without fees fate in newark for a pretty good seat at prudential. however for UBS ticketing today, seats just as good were $250-$300. like i get it’s a diff arena so diff pricing but DAMN? luckily i was able to snag $150 tickets towards the back of the 100s section but damn why is there a $100 upcharge for sitting like a few rows in front…bffr hybe. i went to see txt at UBS last year and the seats in the same area i sat in for that concert were $300+ today 😭😭😭 concerts in general are getting more and more expensive and it sucksss!!! but like i said, kpop companies know kpop stans will buy no matter the price so they unashamedly increase prices with each subsequent tour. that’s def why some groups are touring 24/7…and enha is def gonna become that group for hybe considering their international success is crazy. i have a feeling they plan to push txt more in korea and enha more internationally so enha is gonna keep on touring and touring.

i personally believe that even $200 w/ fees is kinda pushing it for a concert even it means a good view! but you can’t get good concert tickets for cheaper with any artist (why are drake tickets like $300 for nosebleeds)

my third point is rest 😭 for the sake of the boys health, the tour should be starting in late summer/early fall and with dates more spaced out. there was so much discourse on twitter about whether the tour should be boycotted or not. i felt really guilty even considering buying tickets cause of it. imo i believe that a boycott would only hurt the boys more. it’s ok to want to go see them. HOWEVER, belift/hybe should be giving the boys some time to rest because jfc they’re also comparing for a comeback. i hope the boys get AT LEAST a week without intense practices and constant filming. a month long rest is ideal but it’s not realistic knowing their management. i really really hope all goes well this tour and the boys stay healthy. jay my pookie wookie also seemed so excited to go to tacoma, even if it’s for a day so i hope he can visit his old hometown 😫😫

and with the large influx of y/n interaction loving engenes (ik i can’t talk because im sending this to a fic blog on tumblr.com) i hope the boys don’t have to deal with the same type of bullshit they did during this last tour. it’s inevitable tho, so many people are getting into enha because they do a lot of fanservice these days. i really want to know if they flirt 24/7 on weverse because it’s entertaining to watch the aftermath or because their management really wants to push the parasocial thing with them. makes sense if it’s the management tho considering send off was very interactive (a lot of the tiktoks of it went virallll) + the boys are constantly on vlive and making flirty comments these days (sunghoon when i catch u)

right??? i loveddd the fate tour and there was plenty of time between the announcement and the actual purchasing of tickets, if i remember correctly. but today was just a mess!!! :/ how have they not realized that some engenes need more than a week to prepare and come up with the money to attend, like i had friends selling photocard collections just to buy tickets 😭 but yeah ultimately just had to dish out money from their own pockets

i believe they all have send off now (i was buying vip1 tickets for my friends and it said so on the package) but i was shocked that they even had send off still after how bad it was last time 😭😭 (to be fair i think send off was rlly nice in la tho so fingers crossed they find a big space again to hold it in) but god it makes me so sad to hear that they're just running enha dry with tour after tour 😭 and right!!! there was literally a $200+ service fee?? that's literally the price of another ticket like wtf

honestly i don't think a boycott would help. i think it could if everyone committed to it, but the moment people mentioned it i knew it wasn't happening because people aren't actually willing to give up on seeing enha. realistically there's not even much of a point to the tour considering they have like 4 new songs?? svt hasn't toured in the us since be the sun and they're gonna have two albums of songs for their next tour now. i just wish belift would let enha space out their tours like that 💔 but!! i will say i am glad that jay gets to tour in his hometown in all this

LOL it is ironic to say that to a reader insert writer but it is more of a nameless oc insert for me!!! 🥲 but i totally get what you mean, there's so many engenes who only care about interactions and "y/n moments" like this girl literally shoved me during the fate tour when they came down the aisles??? 💀 like girl chill u can have heeseung omg 🚶‍♂️ no i'm not gonna lie i think the y/n stans on twitter have fallen victim to the parasocial relationship HARD and it feels like it all started because of the fate tour too 😭 it also doesn't help that belift pushes them to fit this perfect boyfriend image with the whole "dating my fans" kind of thing. i was sooo done with them after everyone started posting their selca days for jungwon's birthday like jfc 😭😭

[puphoods]

hi I saw you recently made some posts about mother mother, showing you have good music tastes and probably are at least a little bit into music. I really want to hear more about your music tastes and what other artists you listen to and stuff because I love music and I am always interested to discover new artists and learn about other people's music tastes.

ps. I like your blog :3

HAI

mother mother has been a fave of mine for a long time smiles... i havent listened to them much in a good long while but i have been again recently haha

i am so bad at like explaining my music tastes but ill list some of my faves and link a song or two for each ill do that under a readmore though

my fave artist atm is typhoon :~) i first started listening to them bc of their album offerings which is a concept album about a man losing his memory. a lot of their stuff is concept albums but it doesnt necessarily have to be listened to all together yk. some of my fave songs are claws pt 1, never be your lover, the honest truth, new wife, and hunger and thirst

im also a glass animals head forever... have been for years. HTBAHB is my favourite album of all time and i mean that genuinely but i like their older stuff to its very unique and is a sound ive never seen anyone else come close to replicating. my faves from them... its always hard to choose because i do genuinely love almost all of their stuff haha. right now though probably pork soda, take a slice, toes, and woozy

i really like of montreal atm... i havent gotten SUPER deep into their discography but the songs i know i love. faves probably its different for girls, the past is a grotesque animal, wrath pinned to the mist, and the you i created

black dresses is also another all time fave... ive enjoyed all the stuff ive heard from their different projects outside the band as well. faves rn are cartoon network, earth worm, nausea 2019, theres nothing here worth dying for

what else do i like... radiohead mitski oingo boingo umm been listening to a lot of megan thee stallion lately.. lady lamb... ive honestly been more on a "individual songs" kick than specific artists lately so im gonna link you my spotify on repeat. all really good songs and a good chunk of them by artists that i listen to more of their stuff as well so i can recommend most of them. of the ones on here that i havent already mentioned ive been listening to a lot of post malone and saweetie but again more just the songs i know already yk... etc. hope these are good enough answers haha

ALSO if u look through my music tag on my blog everything in there i still stand by i think

[miss-styles]

Ok wait I have a question if you feel comfortable answering on your blog! I really want to have casual sex, but my dilemma is that I’m a virgin and I would need someone to be very patient reassuring and understanding with me that first time or first few times, but I feel like that’s difficult to find when you’re hooking up especially with men. I really wish I would’ve lost it already so that I would feel more comfortable and experienced having sex with other people. Like although I haven’t ever had sex before, I just think I would really enjoy it because I love intimacy. So idk how to overcome this because I don’t want to be in a relationship rn, but I do want to have sex but still have some level of trust respect and care for each other’s bodies. Thoughts or experiences you wouldn’t mind sharing?

omg i dont know if im seeing this really late but thank you for coming to me with this!

okay so to share my own first time experience... i had just gotten out of a really bad situationship. the situationship was my first time making out with someone and just genuinely having feelings for someone. first love if you will. but we had never had sex. the most we did was just his fingers being on my underwear. after this ended i just started going on dates with random people. realistically i knew like i wasnt ready for a relationship at the time but it was a good distraction for me to put myself out there. after like a month or so.. i went out with this one guy and i reallyyyy liked him. the first time we went out he fingered me in the theater (sorry guys!) and the second time was also similar. the third time i was over at his house and we had sex.

now i will admit that i was so incredibly lucky to have my first time with him. he was so understanding and so nice he didnt make it awkward at all i was just really comfortable through the entire thing. but i can't tell you that everyone youll meet will be the same way and ive definitely had some "bad" (not as good) experiences after that

and also to me sex or virginity has never really been a THING. so i never had a need for my first time to be special or to be with someone i had been dating for a while etc etc. i know for some people sex can be this very special thing but for me it just isnt. and from what i understand you also seem to feel the same way? (correct me if im wrong) so i just felt good to get the first one over with someone i felt comfortable with and it just opened up a whole new world for me. controversial but! like i love having sex. it has made me feel so much more comfortable in my body etc etc.

now my advice would be to (at least for your first time) dont have sex on the first hangout. ofc you can do stuff but just get to know them first and see if you feel comfortable with them. i would also advise that you tell them youre a virgin not in like a weird way but i promise it would make them be more understanding. also definitely discuss what you like (sexually) bc it can get real awkward if you realize your preferences dont align at all.

just overall be open with them. for your first time (and even in the future if you wish) let them know that you wont have sex in the first hangout (and their reactions to these kind of boundaries or their reactions to your preferences can be very telling of their character) and use the first hangout to get to know them to see if youd be comfortable having sex.

and also!! (sorry this is a very long response) awkward things will happen during sex but just laugh through them and i promise it will be fine. i promise you wont be the only one who's embarrassed by sth the other person will have things that they're embarrassed about too. its natural dont stress about it.

i feel like this was a lot of blabbing but i hope it makes sense to you and if you have ANY other questions feel free to come back. i promise i would never judge

[cherrylight]

hey. uh, sorry about this post... i dont mean to like post vents a lot recently, but things just been so difficult and hard for me to even talk about and then i get so scared that im going to be judged or hated... its been a lot. so. im sorry in advance.

this post is very long btw

hi, not sure where to really begin with this but i guess its better to just say it and let it be said then not i suppose...

summer is usually the worst season for me in general, i hate summer anyway so no surprise. so im sorry for not being up to par on being happy-go-lucky or whatever, i try to do things to help myself and be like ok, i can handle it. i can take that for a while. but theres only so much i can take before its overbearing to a point it wont quit.

im not good at explaining myself so ill try to keep this as concise as possible.

i suffer way too much from social isolation and sure, i try to talk to people and i try so *so* hard to like throw myself out there, but its difficult and im scared on messing up and making a huge fool of myself. its gotten progressively worse and mentioning it to someone only added to the feeling of feeling like a complete chore to even interact with . . .

im like the most socially anxious person you could ever meet but i would do absolutely anything to socialize with others and be friends with people if it wasnt for the multiple negative experiences ive had during my life.

this goes hand in hand with the fact i want to talk about my own things, but fear of being judged and hated upon heavily affects me. theres a lot of things i want to share on this blog, but i cant out of fear of talking way too much or its just unnecessary information or its not what everyone was here to see i guess . . . which is stupid, i know.

i am not good at like expressing myself or my interests at all, but i get so excited upon talking about them and then in return the excitement is unrequited (majority of the time), sometimes it is and im so *so* utterly grateful for that because it means the absolute world to me.

tldr because im talking a lot: social isolation is a bitch and it has affected me my entire life to a point of feeling chronic loneliness, i want to talk about my interests with excitement but i have a lot of fear upon doing so. i just want to enjoy myself and not feel like a chore on a daily

to add: this isnt on selfship almost at all, i feel like i can actively talk about it and enjoy it a lot, i just have so much fear of being weird or odd and what ive stated earlier does not help

again, sorry for the long post and sorry for constantly venting lately. my brain feels like its in a constant fog and ive stared up at the ceiling like multiple times today

hopefully things will get better ... hopefully

[keen-umbreon]

Truth and Lies. I've Lied A Lot On This Blog. Sorry, y'all.

So, I'm going to be officially 26 soon. I finally remembered I made this account.

I got a DM from someone who was actually in Plasma and I have to come clean.

Most, if not all, of the details in my about page and this blog in general are fake. As well as the details I've given on other websites. Most of y'all probably don't know me, so I'll try and also give examples/context.

The Things I've Claimed, and are Lies:

I was in Team Plasma. I was almost arrested for it. Truth: I was not in Plasma. I did date someone in Team Plasma and the police did question me after the Opelucid City freeze, but nothing ever happened to me about it as I wasn't involved.

The stuff about the Entree link Portal, with the mystery dungeons. Truth: Yeah, those photos aren't mine. I found them in old websites online and I posted them here. Sorry to those three dudes who messages me their conspiracy theories about it!

I own an Espeon named Enigma and a Leafeon named Lum and a Flareon named Figy. Truth: I do not. I've Pokemon-sat for the owners of those Pokemon. The Espeon is training to be a show-mon. The Flareon is a retired show-mon. I am a dirty liar. The Leafeon was a rescue that a family friend owns, he helps her garden and he got the ear scars from fighting off a Watchog, not from anything illegal.

I work with Fennel. Truth: I do not work with Fennel. I did mon-sit for her Munna, Dream, a few times, and I apologized for the online posts to her. I've also apologized to anyone else I've posted about online, and given them back their cash they paid me if they wanted it. So far only one person took me up on that offer and I respect that.

I made one other blog, it was full of lies too, but it was basically the same lies from what I remember.

Truths about me, whether they were on my blog or not:

My cousins breed Eevees as a side income to their big business most of them are involved in, and I Poke-sit a lot of Eevees for them and their fancy business friends, so most of the Eevees you see on my blog were ones I've taken care of.

I live in Unova. I do not have a criminal record. I've never been arrested or gotten into any trouble for my own actual bad choices.

I grew up sheltered and don't know how much things like food or housing should cost to most people. I'm used to spending without a budget and not worrying about it due to living with my grandmother to take care of her. I recently had to cut back majorly on my spending and it put a lot of things into perspective, which is one of the reasons I'm telling the truth here on this blog.

I make bad life choices. But not bad like joining a gang. Bad like writing stories online because I was bored and frustrated with my own life. Bad like toxic relationships that I still think of fondly, which isn't healthy. I am the cringiest ducklet in the pond.

I am now in school for some prerequisite classes to get my degree in giving x-rays to humans! I've been in clinicals at a human hospital and I do not want to work in Pokemon medicine. For Pokemon, I know how to give fluids, shots, cure most simple battling conditions and scrapes, but I'm no Nurse Joy and I don't want to be one.

I do own Pokemon. Three non-battling Pokemon. A Skarmory that my Grandmother bought me roughly a year ago so I could use it to get around, he is trained to be transport instead of batling. An old lady Torracat that was my Grandmother's Torracat, she has to get IV fluids every few days as she's in late stage kidney disease due to old age. And a young Purrloin that's a pretty gray color that I rescued from underneath my uncles car when he was a kitten. They don't battle. I don't battle. I don't have time for it. My Torracat can't battle for health issues, even though she wants to and she was a terror on all the neighborhood Pokemon, and my Purrloin is scared of battling, and scared of most everything. Skarmory doesn't battle because he was trained from hatching to be a flying transport Pokemon.

So sorry for everyone I lied to!

This is Keen-Umbreon, signing off, probably rather obnoxiously. I could have just let this blog fade into even-more-obscurity, but leaving the lies out there felt bad.

If I do make another blog, it will be about the Eeveelutions and other Pokemon I've sat for, with the permission of the owners and not posting as if I own them. I was scummy, and I will do better.

((OOC: Figured this was a better end than the end that happened in our Pokerole campaign. A lot less of a "Look at Me" style end. Might seem like a cop-out or something, but it's also inspired by my teenage adventures online. I was a lying little crap back in the day. I got called out and learned my lesson then. Figured it would be like a book-end to mirror that irl journey here. Instead of giving the character the send-off he had in our partly-homebrewed Pokerole campaign, where he ended up turning into a Pokemon and going feral and the world was doomed lol. Cuz that's very "Look At Me". It works for home-brewed Pokerole but not here.))

[areallybadwriter]

12/26

I write this from AZ where my dad’s side of the family lives, about to sleep. I was supposed to fly back home today but my flight, along with a thousand others, was cancelled and we scrambled to find accommodations. my dad flew back to where he lives tonight and i am flying out tomorrow.

arizona has been a lot of fun and its always really good to see this side of the family as i feel closer with them in terms of values and hobbies. we are a family full of artists so its very refreshing being able to talk about art with them and also there is a common disdain for some of my fathers actions or words that i feel comfortable relating to them on. its nice to hear that others also are disappointed by the way he acts sometimes. my 87 year old grandma is also out here, who lived a great life and passed a desire for art and aesthetics to the rest of us. i don't get to spend nearly enough time with her as we live thousands of miles away so its so nice to see her and talk with her. we spent a lot of time looking at old photos of her family and my late grandfathers family (dating back to the 1800s) so that was sooooo cool and ill cherish that forever. some of the names of ancestors were really cool too and if i ever did consider having kids (unlikely) i’d get my inspiration from the registries we have. i also gifted my grandma a book that i had handmade in my bookmaking/photography course so that we could use it as a shared notebook, sending it back and forth between us. she seemed to love it and already drew something for me to “respond” to so im very excited to start that. my dad thanked me for the way i treated her which surprised me as she is my grandmother who i highly value (a trait i think he could borrow). and because she, and the rest of the family, is out here in phoenix and not the midwest anymore, i would definitely consider moving out here if the circumstances worked out. the air and the sun and the landscape help clear my head (and my skin) and i don't feel the same worries and emotional coils i do in the cold, cloudy midwest. my cousin is also getting married in march out here to the sweetest boy ever and i couldn't be more excited for them. i also love weddings and i get to bring my best friend so i think it'll be lots of fun. 

I am officially graduated from college which is crazy and it doesn't feel quite real yet. i didn't attend the graduation ceremony because i was not about to spend $100+ dollars on renting a cap and gown and dragging all of my willing family members to that in the dead of winter. i do hope i get some gifts, mostly money for traveling, but if anything it's really nice to be celebrated a little after a grueling four and a half years. now i just have to figure out what im doing and make money. yay!

I met up with ex b a couple days before i left for arizona, which i was surprised to do but it was a lot of fun. i had gotten a little wine drunk a few weeks ago and mentioned meeting up to catch up and at the time, he did not seem into it at all so i dropped it quickly. but he texted me about a week after and continued the conversation on it so i figured why not? we were both back in the hometown (we met in high school) so it wasn't the easiest to figure out what to do, especially because he didn't want to go into the city for anything. we ended up settling on a townie bar in the town over. when we showed up, about 50 carhartt rednecks stared at us intruding on their karaoke night, so we found a quiet booth in the back. i got a jamo & coke, which ended up being very strong, and he got a beer. its always very easy for us to slip back into comfortableness around each other (we did date on and off since 2017), but i was wary after this last summer. i don't remember if ive mentioned it previously on this blog but it as exes do, we were hooking up and hanging out again and it was bad on my brain. he also was going through a patch of absolute selfishness (which is ok, he needs more of that), so we were clashing pretty hard by the end of it and the fallout was messy. but, we were able to talk about all that and speak about our lives and dreams and it was really, really nice. now, i proposed it as completely platonic which is genuinely ok with me as the rest of my life is quite hard to manage at the moment but i couldn't read whether it was purely friendship or not. he touched me a lot and made a lot of callbacks to memories and things we had done during our relationship and even towards the end of the night prompted the “what now” question as we were both staying at our family homes and couldn't go back anywhere. i don't know if he meant what i thought he meant but we have plans to see each other again some point soon. it honestly was really nice and he is still one of my favorite people and will always be a great person to have in my life. we’ll see where that goes, if anywhere.

another meet up that is hopefully happening is one ive waited on for quite awhile. wyoming is home for christmas and apparently staying until mid-january. i told him that i would literally stop talking to him (we talk every day still) if we didn't see each other, as there's a lot of effort being put into our relationship, whatever it is, and i will not continue to try if there's no promise of seeing each other in person when its possible. i would say that im pretty committed to the idea - i worry too committed at times - and would try very hard to make this work if he shows that he wants it as much as i do. ever since we started talking again, i think he has shown that and has said some things i wouldn't dare to even dream of (but who am i kidding, i think about him all the time) that have urged to me to at least try. there is a promise we will see each other, but its just hard knowing whether he wants it as much and i am simply waiting for him to make the effort to plan something. we live less than a mile away from each other in our hometown so its safe to say I'll be livid if something doesn't happen. and with everything we’ve discussed up to this point, it'd be stupid not to see each other. i am scared that i will show all my cards up front, not that i haven't started already over the phone, and make a fool of myself. i know that we are better friends than that at this point and there are bigger concerns, but i think back to how giddy my 16 year old self was at the thought of him and can't say that i won't revert back to that feeling. corny as it sounds, i have never ever been so delighted than at the feeling of his hands on me. a few weeks ago, he was drunk and told me that bottom line if he felt as much as i did (the big one) that he would never be the first one to say it. as ive relished in it since we were 16, i told him i had no problem saying it first, and about a week later i did. i was also a little inebriated and absolutely terrified, but i said “i do love u” (just like that) and then went to bed. i didn't feel bad about it in the morning, no regret, and would say it a thousand times over if he wanted me to. in a way, it was nice for me to finally get it out there - it had been a thought of mine for so long that i forgot that it was real. he didn't say it back automatically which was absolutely grueling but i knew he felt the same way and was secure enough to not really need to hear it. he had shown me. but in an air of warning almost, he did say it back and basically told me he was scared to start something official as it meant losing me one way or another. i didn't tell him this, but i think not starting something also means losing me. ive kept it in so long and now ive finally said it and i feel like my heart is bursting and i just want to keep going. i said it again a couple days ago when he was driving home from wyoming (in one go, mind you) because i figured it was a hard drive and no way would i have let him get into an accident or something without saying it again. and i will say it again and again and again because i love it. and at this point in my life, i really don't care. if im going to try, im not going to half ass it or not feel it as strongly as i do. one of us could die tomorrow. so in the mean time i will say “i love you” until i can't anymore. 

gracie did in fact pass away a few weeks ago. we hired a vet who specialized in the process to come out to the house and do it there, where the puppy was comfortable and safe at home. she was scared and i think somewhat understood what was going on, as i had been coming home a lot more and goodbyes from the kids were said the night before. i don't think she would've made it through the weekend anyways. it happened on a friday at 1 pm, and she passed laying on her favorite blanket in her favorite spot on the couch. she got a brownie and a lot of oyster crackers on her way out. the worst part was seeing my mom and step dad cry, and the way the vet and my dad carried her out to the car after the process was done. i had never ever felt pain like that before and while its easy to push it away after all of the shit ive coped with, there's a twinge every time i think about her or see other dogs. it feels wrong to be in the house without her and i don't know how my parents do it. i have some of her fur and i want to have it with me in some way, maybe a locket or build-a-bear. my way of coping is to make or consume art (as well as write about it i guess) so i do want to get a tattoo remembering her at some point, but the wound is too fresh right now. where does all the love go for her? i carry it with me like a weight. 

next update will hopefully be a bit more lighthearted and will hopefully have big updates to things that ive been wanting to happen or change for awhile. 

xoxo anonymous

[tordthing]

ignore the tags please some venting n stuff. Not actually bad I just overthink a lot

Thought too hard accidentally hit 30 tags whoops lmao

(no tonetags apologies this is more for my eyes than anything. I'm not upset at anyone in particular tho)