#(AND MEANWHILE I'VE BEEN SCREAMING ABOUT IT MENTALLY THE WHOLE TIME)

[onlymurdersintheafterparty]

OMITB S4:E6 “Blow Up”

YOU GUYS I AM SHOOK. THIS EPISODE WAS A WHOLE ROLLERCOASTER AND SINCE THE EPISODE ENDED MENTALLY I FEEL LIKE I’VE STEPPED OFF THE RIDE WITH MY LEGS FEELING LIKE JELLY

There are so many things to unpack that I’m just going to focus on the top 2 moments that had me shook and then a new theory after the reveal in the last few minutes of the episode.

Spoilers Ahead (I’m serious watch the episode first because of all the episodes to get spoiled this one will really have you messed up)

“I’m Watching You” / Double Murders

This is what had me mentally screaming because what do you mean Dudenoff has been dead this entire time and Sazz was right about there being another murderer in the building?! And the handwriting in the texted pic is the same as the one in the first season that appeared before Winnie was poisoned. Now before this episode a LOT of people theorized this very plot about a unsolved murder or cold case so I’m sure they feel vindicated after this episode. Many people think that it’s Lester who is the mastermind and I’m sure are even more suspicious now because he used to be an actor while others think it’s Uma. I agree with the first group and think it's Lester and I think his accomplice is Marshall P. Pope the writer.

Evidence Against Lester

He was homeless and out of work when he started working at The Arconia; After being hired he could have met Dudenoff in the lobby at some point and while talking film/acting, he could have mentioned being homeless and was brought into the $200 rent scheme and temporarily lived in the West Wing; It would also give him free reign of The Arconia after hours

As doorman, he has access to the different units; delivering the wrong mail gives him a chance to snoop or bug apartments because anyone passing him in the halls will just assume he's doing his job

As an actor, he could have worked with or was taught by Dudenoff

His son is an actor and Lester paid for the classes so where did the extra money come from?

He could be resentful of Charles because he's a successful actor living in a fancy building meanwhile he's stuck as a doorman; Charles being awkward could have been read as rudeness adding to that resentment (Vince thought Charles hated him because of their awkward window encounters)

People constantly bring up Lester returning Charles' hat in season one and it makes me wonder if he's ever impersonated Charles. They both have white hair, I'm not sure about the similarity in physical builds and height because of Lester's uniform and hat, but I've always had a sneaking suspicion someone has been posing as Charles here and there; Plus Charles doesn't really interact with his neighbors like that so if Lester disguised himself as Charles and wore a hat and hid his face no one would know or be shocked at him not saying hi back. And because Charles is friends with Oliver and Mabel, that would allow him to bug their apartments as well because they'd expect Charles to randomly visit his friends

In the 70s after the brothel got shut down, I'm sure the rent prices dropped drastically making it affordable for Dudenoff to purchase the entire floor

Lester killing Dudenoff would give him access to all those apartments and with the money from his side hustle, he can afford to pay off the police or whoever else he needs to keep the trio off his trail

Being homeless would have allowed him to meet some interesting people and if the alcoholism ever led to him serving any period of jail time he could have met criminals that became friends and allies to help do footwork behind the scenes over the past few seasons

This could also be how he got access to the poison in the attempt to kill Winnie

He could have killed Dudenoff out of revenge because he was promised a role that was rescinded or in a parallel to Ben and Charles, he was unfairly fired and held a grudge

Evidence Against Marshall

The biggest theory is that Marshall stole someone's script. I do agree with this theory but I don't think it was Sazz he stole it from, I think it was Lester

Marshall is a fan of the podcast so maybe at some point between seasons he went to go see the Arconia for himself; To get inside he'd have to go through Lester; If they got to talking about the podcast and films/screenwriting in general, Lester who was already spying on the trio could have by then written a film script in hopes of making a comeback; Lester has no connections from being out of work so he and Marshall come up with some sort of deal where Marshall will pitch the script and get Lester cast in the film;

Was Marshall a student of Dudenoff as well? That could be another connection between the two and instead of visiting The Arconia for the podcast he could have been in town to visit Dudenoff and bonded with Lester over that

Marshall knows how to do disguises but who could he impersonate that would actually be believable? I have no clue

If Marshall and Lester are accomplices there's a chance Marshall will be killed off before the season is over in an attempt to keep him from telling the truth

Dudenoff's Students:

Trina and Tawny

Vince Fish

Rudy Thurber

Sauce Family (unconfirmed)

Helga (unconfirmed)

Lester (unconfirmed)

Marshall (unconfirmed)

Other Observations:

I think Jan knows who the killer is and that’s why she went into hiding after escaping prison. As long as she’s lived in the Arconia I’m sure she’s seen some stuff plus game recognizes game so if she encountered another killer I’m sure she’d suspect it.

If Oliver is the second one targeted I wonder if Mabel is next; Jan did say that the killer would keep trying until they get it right

I don't think Howard is the Moriarty anymore and that it's definitely Lester

The Right Westie = Weird, Struggling Actors; The Westies pride themselves on being weird, outcasts and 2/5 are confirmed actors; Helga may have been run off or been paid off to leave and threatened to stay silent because she discovered Lester was impersonating Dudenoff and witnessed him cashing the checks

My attempt at an outline of what all went down with Lester & Dudenoff:

???? Lester becomes homeless and loses acting jobs because of alcoholism

???? Lester gets a job at The Arconia

???? Dudenoff teaches Rudy & Vince at some point

2011 Trina and Tawny meet Dudenoff in his film class; Notice that at first they're only filmed from the back and when we see through Dudenoff's lens, we only see what's within the lens so if the killer was in attendance they weren't seen onscreen

2012 Dudenoff gives the twins his cameras

2018* Dudenoff is killed (three years prior to pilot)

*the twins say the last time they spoke to him was three years ago and that he cut off communication because they moved to LA; Just because they didn't hear from him doesn't mean he actually died 3 years ago; No body = no way of checking the time of death

2021-2022 The trio's apartments are bugged at some point

Remaining Questions:

Who is the person in the Westie group pic with the scratched out face?

How long have the apartments been bugged?

If Dudenoff is dead, who has been impersonating him when addressing new tenants?

Does Dudenoff having replacement joints mean he was a stuntman as well? That would be yet another example of double identities this season

How long was the incinerator broken?

How long has Lester worked at The Arconia?

If Vince's pink eye is so contagious how did Eugene and Charles not get it despite being in close proximity?

If I missed anything from the first 2 seasons or got something wrong please let me know because I need my info as accurate as possible to figure this all out lol

[imadethisaccountforaheadcannon]

For all you who hate me cause I want Earth to be painfully decommissioned

Imagine If Earth said the simple Truth of ""You've allways been a good person,,. to moon this Fandom would be screaming about how ""Wrong"" she is and would be mass sending death threats her way. Meanwhile the one who was actively being a horrible person the entire show is told exactly that and they react with ""Finally therapy"" cause whenever Sun did anything evil to his brother he got ""You need therapy""

Whenever moon did something after warning sun so many times he was loosing it or even cause it was the only thing to stop sun's bullying they they call him an abuser and guess what after everything sun did he's stile the ""feel bad for me"" character. I just feel angry at him even being suicidal at this point cause sun didn't give a fuck that moon was suicidal earlier in fact he fricken was manipulated by the whole whitherstorm thing to apologise to sun for reacting to Suns blatant disregard for his issues.

And months later the only thing sun learnt was a minuscule amount of teamwork he never learnt to stop blaming moon for what he didn't do

Or to actually start caring about him as a person. And then this earth bitch comes along and even through I've stopped watching the show I stile randomly hear or see shit from it and after all the shit that sun did she told him that and then she dates Monty whom probably saved moon back from a suicide attempt that they are never gonna acknowledge and probably stolen from me and applied to make sun more sympathetic TM.

And then I constantly hear that Sun has it so bad when Moon the one who actually didn't deserve it got actual praise whenever his mental health degraded

Which BTW unlike sun he actually allways tried to do the right thing with but Moon is the only one without the privilage of being a Mary Sue who gets rewarded for just the bare minimum.

And I went on a rant great something I've been trying to avoid this show has had an actual retraumatising affect on my life thank you very much writers or even voice actors I do not know who made these strait up ableistic,classistic decisions.

Thank you so much on not doing your research and making something heavily triggering to the group your suppost to be showing cause like people like me totally need another reminder how much people get away with hurting us.

[fuckyeahkagepro]

a quick summary of Hibiya Amamiya and 'WISHES'

Saeru: It was good that the boy [HIBIYA] who didn’t have any wish began to have a desire to “save the girl”, but it was a little bit immature-----------

Saeru: It was good ... that THE BOY ... who didn’t have ... ANY WISH ... began to ... have a desire ... to “save the girl”, ..... but it was a little bit ... immature.

SAERU: IT WAS GOOD, THAT THE BOY, WHO DIDN'T HAVE,

SAERU: ANY WISH

SAERU: THE /BOY/

SAERU: 'WHO DIDN'T HAVE'

SAERU: ' A N Y '

SAERU: /// WISH ///

SAERU: ..... 8)

JIN, 2K18: ( I AM DROPPING ANVIL SIZED 'HINTS' ON YOU )

[anamericangirl]

I saw someone on a conspiracy theory forum say that the only reason anyone wants anti-abortion laws is to supply pedophiles with more victims. It just makes me think again of how pro-life and anti-abortion peeps can tell pro-choicers until we're blue in the face why we oppose abortion but none of that matters. They're going to believe what they want to believe about us. But it's still really really frustrating to know what you actually believe and why you support something only to get told no, you're just opposed to abortion because you're evil and hate women and children. No it's obviously not because I believe human fetuses are worthy of human rights, it's because I just really want people to suffer.

Meanwhile I don't see any pro-choicers try to advocate to alleviate all the suffering moms go thru yet they get pissed off and deflect when you tell them they need to start trying to change the world so women don't have to suffer and feel like they NEED abortion anymore. They also have blinders when it comes to the fact that when so many people support abortion for whatever reason, no one is going to offer help to women who would rather keep their babies. In these cases the only choices really offered to these women is abort your kid or starve to death. Yep pro-choice sure is pro-compassion lmao

Sorry that was kind of all over the place but I've just been so frustrated seeing this kind of stuff lately. And no matter what they just double down on their backwards views even when you ("you" in general and you specifically) show that all of their claims are kinda BS, no those aren't facts that's just propaganda!!! Also if abortion is healthcare why do they get so threatened when people propose legislation to restrict only the abortions that are largely unnecessary lmao. makes ya think

First I want to say sorry it took me so long to answer. I'm bad about getting to messages sometimes and I get backed up but when I get messages like this I want to make sure I take the time to give a decent answer. But you are absolutely right, it's incredibly frustrating!

I don't know how anyone could possibly interpret anti-abortion laws as supplying pedophiles with more victims. That is preposterous. It's the accessibility of abortion that actually helps people like that. Abortion is incredibly helpful to pedophiles and rapists since abortion clinics don't really report the crimes and just send women and girls back to their abusers and get rid of the baby, which would make the crime obvious. I mean isn't that what the whole deal was with that 10 year old victim recently? The mother was trying to get an abortion to protect her boyfriend who had abused her daughter? I don't know what kind of mental gymnastics a person would have to do to think anti-abortion laws give pedophiles more victims when, if anything, it exposes their crimes. Abortion hides them.

But it's become incredibly obvious pro-choicers don't actually care about helping women. All they care about is abortion and having it accessible. They act like until pro-lifers solve all the problems in the world the only solution is killing babies. But that doesn't actually solve any problems. Everything that stops abortion helps women but pro-choicers don't want to focus on any of that. They just pretend they care when talking to a pro-life person. Like "if you're really pro-life, you would focus on healthcare, the foster system, etc." but I guess if you're pro-choice you just get to focus on screaming at pro-lifers for not doing enough while you do absolutely nothing. The pro-life movement does more to help women than any pro-choicer has ever done. Yes, part of our movement focuses on legislation, but the main thing we focus on is directly helping pregnant women in need so they don't feel like they have to get an abortion.

If pro-choicers really cared about all the things they tell pro-lifers to do if we really care, they would be focusing on those things themselves. But all they do is make sure women can get abortions because they're too lazy to do anything they actually think would help.

If abortion is healthcare then restricting it unless it's necessary shouldn't be a problem. The issue with that, though, is abortion is never medically necessary and pro-aborts can't accept a world where people can't murder babies.

Everything they say is hypocritical and disingenuous because they don't care about women. All they care about is abortion. And I certainly don't need lectured on how to actually care about children by people who spend their time fighting for the "right" to murder babies.

[kingthunder]

Ever since I was a little kid inhaling books off the sf/f shelves at the local library ten at a time, I wanted to be an author.

I put that desire on hold for decades. Not because I didn't want to do it, but because I was one of those gifted-track ADHD kids who internalized the whole idea of, "if at first you don't succeed, the lesson is never try—then they won't know you're skating through everything by the skin of your teeth and are actually incompetent." It took me until I was in my 30s to undo that mentality. It seems like real kindergarten stuff to realize that if you want to get better at something you have to practice. All I can say in my defense is that my own father used to tell me repeatedly, and very smugly, that only losers who aren't good at stuff have to practice, and that we (him and me) were winners who didn't have to do things like that.

(I also think that he has ADHD, and that he cultivated that own mentality in himself to make himself feel better about also lacking executive function, but if I told him that he would dismiss the thought before I was even done getting it out of my mouth. alas.)

Sometime between my middle school dreams and the crushing weight of the undiagnosed health problems of my 20s, I stopped reading. Books, anyway. I would read fanfiction in spurts. A few months here, a few months there, just when a particular fandom was calling to me. So when I finally got over my own infuriating blend of superiority/inferiority and decided to start practicing writing, it was with fanfiction. It made sense to me. I liked reading it. It gave me the benefit of having pre-made characters and settings, so I didn't have to learn how to create those things and learn the mechanics of storytelling at the same time. Plus, I'd have a readership already. Wins all around.

It went well! I look back at the stuff I wrote when I was first starting, and compare it to now, and the progress is clear (to me, at any rate). I still want to get better, of course, I don't think I'll ever want to stop getting better, but it turns out that practicing works.

My problem now is that...I don't how to move back to published fiction. I just really love writing fanfiction, and I really love reading it, and trying to pivot away from that and into the realm of published stuff sucks, actually. I'm constantly checking books out of the library, reading one, ten, fifty pages, and setting them aside out of boredom or anger. It's almost impossible to find anything that holds my interest enough to finish. It's like the genre of book I want to read only exists as fanfiction.

Meanwhile, I'm bashing my head against a wall trying to make myself start writing original fiction that I could possibly publish. I've managed a little of it. I've taken classes. Applied for some workshops I didn't get into. Won one flash contest and got the dinky little 300 word story published in an anthology. But every word is like pulling teeth. It's agony.

And I'm asking myself why, about all of it. I don't like reading books; what made me think I'd like writing them? Like obviously I'm not having a good time writing them. I'm frustrated to the point of tears constantly when I realize I've gone yet another week with nothing more than brainstorming stories I didn't write a single word of. But I don't want to give up either, because giving up on this means giving up on the one goal I've ever set for myself in my entire life, and it feels too much like giving in to the "you're actually incompetent" brain demon.

Persisting feels like pain, but giving up feels like numbness, and I'd rather hurt.

There's no point to this blog post. This isn't a feel-good essay with a breakthrough or lesson at the end. I have no neat narrative ends to tie up. I'm just screaming into the outer void, because screaming into the inner void hasn't been doing me a crumb of good. Thanks for listening. I'm going to go back to staring at en empty word doc and feeling guilty for not typing anything into it.

[aitadinnerwex]

@am-i-the-asshole-official

UPDATE: K stole from ex in-laws and left.

TL;DR I now have sole custody of my daughter, but my ex is not restricted from seeing her. She's been in therapy, and he's been extra sweet to her trying to get her trust back. I've totally stepped back from my ex's family which my daughter hated but is getting used to. Today (12/11/23) was my ex FIL's birthday, and my daughter went to celebrate with her dad's side of the family. Some money came up missing and it was found in K's car, but K got away with it.

I honestly did not think I would be updating this post any longer. In the last couple months I've gotten a lawyer and have been working out custody with my ex which was rough at first but then calmed down. I don't want to go into too many details because this situation doesn't really involve me anymore, just my ex. And he IS still my daughter's father. So I'll give the short version:

When my ex was contacted by my lawyer he started blowing up my phone saying I was trying to take his daughter and all his money away from him, and how could I do this to him because he would never do this to me, etc etc. I shut that down quick and told him I didn't want a dime from him, I just wanted some assurance that the agreement we already had in place (daughter stays with me but is free to visit him) stays in place. He kept trying to say lawyers were unnecessary because he wasn't going to try to take her, I stuck to my guns, and he eventually caved.

Meanwhile I had my own things to sort through, and so did my daughter. It took a while to fully own the fact that I definitely contributed to the pain she is now feeling. When I broke up with my ex I comforted her by telling her nothing would change. We were still living together. Then her dad moved out and still I told her, nothing will change. I'll still be active in FIL and MIL's lives. I'll still go over there with you all the time. And while that was a nice thought it didn't really prepare my daughter for the reality that families change all the time and change doesn't have to be bad or scary.

This whole time she was basing her mental health on the idea that nothing about her family will change, so K's introduction slowly started to crumble away that feeling. But change is good. Change is normal. I may not like being cut off from FIL and MIL, but they're not wrong when they say I'm not family anymore. They're not wrong for trying to be welcoming to the new woman in their son's life. It sucks, but life goes on.

Anyway, my daughter has been going over there for a few hours about once or twice a week with lots of caveats that she, her dad and I all agreed to: She gets to decide when she comes over. Her dad can invite her, but she's allowed to say no and he can't argue. No one will force her to interact with FIL, MIL, or K if she doesn't want to. No one will take her anywhere if she doesn't want to go. If anyone makes her uncomfortable she'll leave and walk to Diane's house and call me to come pick her up. (Diane is a coworker of mine who lives 3 blocks away and has known my daughter since she was a baby)

This arrangement has been working out and my daughter has said everyone has been extra nice to her, but they haven't actually said sorry for anything they did. She slowly started to seem happier and happier over there, and asked if she could go to FIL's birthday party because her aunt and uncle from out of state would be visiting with her cousins, and I said yes.

Well, tonight she came home and told me a doozy of a story: The party was great, everyone was having a good time, and my daughter's older cousin was showing her how to play the nintendo 64. K was nowhere to be found. Apparently she "didn't feel good" again, and my ex went downstairs to check on her. Suddenly they hear him screaming "Where is it?! What did you do with it?!"

Everyone got quiet and looked to the stairs where my ex stomped up and said everyone had to turn out their pockets, because some money was missing from FIL and MIL's safe.

For some context: this safe is locked under the stairs and needs a key and combination to get into it. It has important documents for the whole family and emergency cash in it. FIL, MIL, my ex, and now K are the only ones who know the combination, and the only key is hidden in FIL and MIL's room. My ex went downstairs to check on K and she was asleep in bed, but the door to the cupboard under the stairs was open. He got a bad feeling and checked the safe and about $2,000 was missing. He woke K up and she cried and said she had been asleep the whole time and someone must have come down and stole the money while she was sleeping.

I was pretty gratified to hear that my ex's family are nowhere near as naive as he is, and immediately tore into him for believing that lie. None of them had a key or knew the combination, and all of them had been hanging out in the living room. K cleans FIL and MIL's room all the time and knew where the key was. He told K the combination. K was downstairs the whole time. K is the only person who could have done it.

He tried to defend K and told everyone to leave her alone, but FIL put his foot down and told his son to find the money or he would call the cops to do it. My ex went back downstairs to talk to K, and everyone upstairs could hear her sobbing and calling him names. She went to get in her car and my ex followed her, and what did he see sitting in her backseat? A bag stuffed to the brim with money. A bag that wasn't there a few hours ago.

My ex tried to stop K from leaving, but she tore out of the driveway like a bat out of hell. FIL and MIL are furious and want to press charges, and my ex is begging them not to saying he can get her to bring it back.

Idk where this is going to go next but honestly? I'm just kind of glad K and my ex didn't take me up on my original offer to be friends, because holy shit.

AITA for coming to dinner with my ex and his new GF uninvited?

This situation is long and messy, so I'll try to include the relevant info only. I (F32) broke up with my long time partner (M33) right before COVID hit. We stayed in the same house during lockdown and continued to live together after lockdown was lifted, because we generally get along and we had a child (F11) to raise together. Over the last 3 years we've been roommates and co-parents and that's it.

One day he was supposed to take our daughter to buy new school clothes, and she came back 10 minutes later in tears. She said they were on their way to the store when his new GF called, and he drove her back home and dropped her off so he could go spend time with her. He even asked our daughter to lie to me for him, but she was tired of covering for him (implying she'd been lying for him for a while now).

When he got home we had a massive argument. I didn't care if he dated other girls, I cared that for some reason he thought he had to sneak around, and it made him act like a jerk to me and our daughter. I told him if he had been a man about this new girl and just introduced me to her then maybe we could have all been friends, but instead he had to act like a horny teenager. It ended with him moving out to live with his parents.

A couple days later he called and apologized. He said he hoped it wasn't too late for him to do things right, and he hopes we can all be friends. I was hopeful that we could finally co-parent in peace for the sake of our child.

This is where I may be TA: I have always been close with my ex's parents, to the point where even after we broke up I would be invited over regularly for dinner. They said even if I wasn't their son's partner I'm still their grandchild's mother, and that makes me family.

So one day when my daughter texts me while at my ex's parent's house and invites me to dinner because they're having my favorite meal, I don't think twice about coming over even though my ex and his GF I've never met now live there. I figured everyone had to be okay with it, since my daughter was inviting me.

I end up having dinner with my ex's parents and daughter, but my ex only comes upstairs to grab two plates of food and goes back downstairs. I ask my ex's mom why and she says his GF doesn't feel well today. Whatever, I think. She's just sick and I'll meet her another day. I have a perfectly pleasant dinner with my ex in-laws, help clean up, and make a promise to bring them a coconut cake (ex father-in-law's favorite) and take my daughter home.

Later my ex blows up my phone with texts and calls, saying it was so weird and rude that I came over for dinner uninvited. That I made his new GF uncomfortable, and like she wasn't welcome there. And that I caused trouble in their relationship because she assumes we must still be in love for me to come over and see his parents out of the blue like that, because "exes don't do that. it's creepy."

I had a talk with my daughter and asked her calmly if she had asked everyone else if it was ok if I come over before she texted me, and she sheepishly said she didn't know she had to ask since it had never been a problem before. (I didn't tell her about her dad's meltdown at me, or tell her dad that she's the one who invited me. She's a child and shouldn't be involved)

Instead I just told him I'm sorry me dropping by made things awkward, but I thought he wanted us all to be friends from now on and I figured this was a good place to start being friends. He said there was no way she'd want to be my friend now that I made her feel uncomfortable in her own home.

It wasn't my intention to make anyone uncomfortable, but I admit I'd be perturbed if he brought this woman into MY home and I had not even been warned first. So AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Go Go Let's Go! Let's Go! Dateko! (Pt 3)

⚠️THIS FIC IS 18+ NSFW, MINORS DNI ⚠️

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, smut mentioned

Word count: 7,000 +

You wake up the next morning fully exhausted.

After yet another round before you both cooked dinner, you ended dinner with Takuro fucking you against the wall as you gushed around his cock.

You hadn't fucked that much since you were in your early 20s. And for a man in his late 40s, Takuros stamina was unmatched.

It took you an hour to pack up and leave because he had to fuck you again in the bedroom and on the couch.

"I seriously can't get enough of you" He says as he walks you to your car.

"Well we will definitely be having more sleep overs very soon" you say as he kisses you.

"Dont leave" he says, hugging you tightly "Please stay"

"Taku I can't Kenji will be home soon" you say as you places kisses on his neck.

"When are we going to tell him Y/N? He deserves to know" Takuro said

He was right. Kenji needed to know.  The last thing you wanted was to lie to your son,

"I'll talk to him tonight ok" you say as Takuro smiles at you and kisses you goodbye.

You arrive home grabbing your bag from the car. You hope Kenji isn't home yet as you approach your house. You see a light on.

fuck

You open the door and walk in.

"Hi Kenji, sorry I'm late. I was at grandma and gran-" you say as you look up to see your son glaring at you.

"Kenji are you ok?" You say with concern on your face.

"Oh I don't know mom. How would you feel if you saw your mother kiss your coach in public?" He says as your eyes widen.

"Thought I was going to grab some snacks but turns out I got a whole ass meal in the form of my mother making out with my volleyball coach! What in the actual fuck mom? How long? How long have you been lying to me?" He screams at you as you shutter back

You've never seen your son so angry as he is right now.

"It's one thing for you to come to out games Mom but for you to date my coach?? Seriously mom that's too far" Kenji screams at you as you stand there absorbing it all.

"I mean Jesus Christ mom! You couldn't go an date some other random man! Why can't you just get your own life! Instead you have to fuck my coach! I hate you!" He screams as he stomps to his room slamming his door.

You can't say anything. You're completely frozen.

He hated you. The words swarmed your mind over and over 

Had you going out with Takurō really affected Kenji this much? You feel your eyes begin to swell as tears began to roll down your cheeks. You turn, slowly moving to your room as you feel the tears begin to fall faster.

You didn't sleep much that night. Not at all really. You couldn't believe you broke you child's trust like that. You hated yourself and hated that you made him so uncomfortable. 

 You had to talk to Takuro. You sent him an early text at 5am as you made your way to the kitchen. You noticed Kenji's door was still closed ad you made coffee and fruit to take to your room. You return to a message asking to meet you before morning practice.

You get dressed and leave the house without a sound. You try to be as quiet as you can be as to not disturb your sleeping kid. I've already messed up his life enough I don't want to mess up his sleep you say to yourself as you get in your car and drive to the school. It's 6:00am by the time you arrive. Takurō is already waiting for you.

You get out of your car as he notices the tears spilling from your eyes.

"Y/N what's wrong is everything ok?" He rushes to you and pulls you into a hug. Your tears completely drowning out everything, including the preying eyes of a certain 2nd year manager as she approaches the side of the school.

 Mai stops when she sees you and the coach. She hears you crying and backs up next to the gym to listen.

"I'm sorry Takuro but I can't keep seeing you" you say as yu look at him with tears streaming down your face.

"I don’t understand Y/N I thought-" Takuro says concerned

"Kenji found out about our dates. Apparently he saw us with a few members of the team. He was really upset and told me I need to stay out of his school life" you say as your tears begin to flow quicker.

Takuro pulls you into a hug. He doesn't want you to be upset

"Y/N let me talk to him please I want to be with you" Takuro says as he pulls away placing his hand under your chin.

"Takuro no please he already hates me enough. I can't lose my son. He's right I should have never pryed in his life. I'm so sorry Takuro. I really like you but I can't do this to Kenji" you say as you back up to gave him.

Takuro is devastated to say the least. The women he cares so deeply for is forced to make a choice because he had crossed the line between parent and coach.

"No Y/N, it's my fault. I'm sorry that this happened. I don't blame you. If anything this is my fault. I should have been more responsible. You are Kenji's mom and I'm his coach. It was inappropriate" he says as he looks down.

Somehow it hurt even more to hear Takuro say those words. You knew he cared for you but he was trying to take the burden of your son's blame off of you.

Meanwhile Mai is both crying and furious. 

Could Kenji really be this big of an ass?

"Thank you for supporting the boys Y/N. It was a pleasure" Takuro says as he waves to you turning to walk towards the gym.

You get in your car as you start to drive home. The tears consistently rolling down your cheeks. You park the car as you completely lose your cool. You start beating on the steering wheel screaming and crying as you let all your pent up emotions out.

you're neighbors probably think your insane

After 15 minutes you walk in the house, noticing Kenji's door is open. You decide to leave him be as you make your way to your room still sniffling from your car melt down. 

You walk into your room and lay down. You've already called out of work for the day as you feel like you just mentally can't do it. You lay in bed as you feel the emotions take over again.

Meanwhile Kenji arrives at school. He's still mad about his discovery of yours and his coaches relationship. He can't believe you would do such a thing to him. To invade his personal life like that.

Coach doesn't say anything though out practice. Kenji figures his mom already has him in her side through this whole ordeal. Why wouldn't he be?

"Mai can you tell coach we need to get the jerseys altered" Kenji says to Mai as she watches coach look to Kenji and walk out of the gym.

"Tell him yourself" Mai says snarkily as she turns away.

"Mai just do it" Kenji says "i’m not in the mood today"

"Why because you’re ashamed you made your mom cry" Mai yells as the team stops.

Mai looks at Kenji and she's pissed.

"You know you have the sweetest kindest mom in the entire world and she's happy. But you can't have that can you Kenji because you're a massive ass" Mai screams.

Kenji is heated. He doesn't know how Mai found out but he isn't going to take being yelled at.

"Mai you have no idea what you're even talking about so just butt out" Kenji screams at her and Aone walks in from of Mai forming a protective barrier.

"It's ok Aone. I'm not scared of Kenji" she says as steps in front of Aone "you know what I saw this morning Kenji? I saw your mom and coach in the parking lot. And your mom was crying. Like hard core crying telling coach that she couldn't see him anymore."

Mai is shouting at Kenji as Kenji just stares.

You were really crying? And worse is he caused it? 

"You know Kenji your mom goes out of her way to do everything for this team! Coach shows interest in her and she likes him back and suddenly its an attack on you?" Mai is screaming at this point, tears flowing down her face.

The team watches in shock. They have never seen Mai this angry before.

"Newsflash asshole you're mom is allowed to be happy! She told coach she couldn't see him anymore because of you! She told him she didn't want to hurt YOU KENJI. Your mom is heartbroken and she's worried because he son is upset because she's happy? Give me a fucking break!" Mai screams one last time as she turns to walk out of the gym, slamming the door behind her.

The boys stand in silence. Kenji is shocked.

you really liked coach that much and you really cared enough about him to ruin whatever you and coach had going on?

The team turns as they shake their heads in disbelief at Kenji, even Aone shows emotion.

"You are the only one who sees an issue here Kenji" he speaks as he walks back to join the team.

Kenji walks out of the gym doors as he slides down the outer walls. He really was being an ass. He didn't care about your feelings only his own personal standings as the captain of the iron wall.

He got up walking to the coaches office. He knocks as Takuro directs him to enter.

Takuro looks up at Kenji and back to his paperwork. He doesn't sound good. He sounds like he's upset.

"Yes Futakuchi" Takuro chokes out.

Kenji clears his throat "do you really care about her?"

Takuro looks up from his work spinning around his in chair.

"I do but she made it clear that you come first. As a good mother should. You are really lucky to have her. She cares for your very deeply and she loves you so very much" he says she he swivels around facing his work with his arms resting in his desk as his hands lean against his forehead

"I see" he says as he crosses his arms in front of his chest "then I guess I owe you both an apology".

Takuro turns in his chair to see a soft smiling Kenji as a smile slowly appears on his face. 

The day seems to drag on. It's only 4pm but it feels like you've been in bed for days. You decide to get up and shower, planning to make dinner before Kenji comes home. He might not want to speak with you but you're still his mother.

You shower and walk to the kitchen to prepare dinner. You start to sniffle again as you try not to let it go into a full blown cry session. You hear the door open as you continue to cut up vegetables.

You don't hear anything as you look up to see your tall son leaning against the door frame to the kitchen with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

You smile lightly as you try not to cry more. The tears seem to flow no matter how hard you try to control them.

"Mom" Kenji says in a sweet voice.

You look up smiling at him as you wipe your tears "Oh hi sweetheart how was practice?"

He frowns walking over to you as he hugs you from behind. No longer being able to control the tears you turn around hugging your son as you crying into his shoulder.

"Kenji I'm so sorry. Please forgive me! I didn't mean to ruin your life. I just got excited and-" you say as your tears continue to wet his date tech tracksuit.

"Mom stop ok" Kenji says as he pulls away placing hands on your shoulders.

"Mom I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I was a complete ass to you. I didn't even listen to your side of the story" he says as he looks at you ashamed "you've done so much for me and I ruined your happiness."

"It's ok baby I overstepped my boundaries. I'm sorry" you say as you hug him.

"Mai told me what happened with you and coach" Kenji said sweetly as he looks at your shocked face.

"M-Mai was there" you say as your eyes widen.

"Yeah and I'm glad she was. She told me what happened. She told me you told coach you couldn't see him" Kenji said looking down at you.

"It's ok Kenj. Coach was ok with it. He understood you came first" you say sweetly.

"Well Im not ok with it" Kenji says as he pulls away from you walking towards your front door. He opens the door for someone as your eyes widen.

"T-Takuro?" you say as you place your hands over your mouth.

"Hi Y/N" he says as he goes to hug you. You hug him back as you cry into this shoulder.

"Shh it's ok Y/N" he says as you break from the hug.

"Kenji?" you say questioningly to your son

"Mom I realized your happiness is more important than my reputation" he says as he looks at both you and coach.

"Kenji" you say as you start to cry yet again going to hug your son "you're really ok with this?"

"Yeah mom. I'm happy if your happy. Now go get ready. Coach is taking you out on a date or whatever" he says as he rolls his eyes and waves his hand walking go his room.

"Really" you say as you run back to Takuro and he chuckles. "Yes sweetheart" he says as he leans down the kiss you.

"God I'm never going to get use to this" Kenji says as he closes his bedroom door.

You both laugh as you deepen the kiss with the man of your affections.

*2 days later*

"Oh Ms. Futakuchi! It's so nice to see you" Obara shouts as Kenji rolls his eyes walking the complete other way as you and Takuro stroll into practice hand in hand.

"Thank you! It's nice to see you too" you smile.

"I see Mai got through to Kenji" Obara smirks as the rest of the team laughs.

"Alright time for laps" Kenji screams clapping his hands together trying to avoid the inevitable

"Wait what did Mai say?" You look at Kenji as he hides his face then to coach who starts laughing.

Mai was looking down at the floor, softly smiling.

"Well our sweet Mai laid in hard to ole Kenji. She told him he was being an ass and told him that you deserved the world" he says as he grabs your waist.

"Mai" you say as your mouth gapes and your eyes sparkle "Thank you!"

You run to hug her as she hugs you back.

"Marry this one Kenji! I like her a lot more than I like you" you snicker as you turn to leave practice.

Kenji just smiles as you walk hand in hand with Coach out of the gym.

"Whatever you say mom. Whatever you say"

[darkestmetamorphosis]

The choice to write the murder plot twist doesn't make much sense to me, as someone who has struggled with mental illness and constant internalized guilt my whole life. It's very possible for that kind of torment and self loathing to come from nowhere but your own mind without having done anything wrong or to be abused and gaslighted into thinking you're at fault and your brain spiraling endlessly to make it worse.

I don't know much about omori except from what I've read from your analyses of it, but I think it would've made for a more realistic and relatable depiction of mental illness if Sunny never killed Mari. If he blamed himself for nothing, believed everyone hates him over nothing, and fighting to realize the truth that your brain won't let you see but everyone who loves you sees but believing them is easier said than done, that's more realistic to me. Doing terrible things and either feeling remorse or rationalizing it are things both neurotypical and neurodivergent people alike do all the time; neither Sunny's "trauma" or even his relief that Mari died are unique symptoms of any mental illness.

Now to scream about one of my new favorite shows at 1am because I noticed a similarity that this post made me think about.

Ok so I've been watching midnight mass recently (sorry for all the posting about it as of tonight. It will happen again) which as far as I can tell has no similarities with omori except that both have a protagonist that accidentally killed someone. I think the former handles it way better. Also midnight mass is about vampires and omori isn't, so I'm obviously biased. I'm putting the rest under the cut because this is long and spoilery

First thing that happens right in the first episode, Riley commits vehicular manslaughter while passed out drunk and as he comes to, watching someone die right in front of him the first thing he says to the police taking him away is "is she going to be alright", already wracked with remorse and survivor's guilt from the get go. And throughout the show he believes that he should've been the one to die instead of her and he cannot reconcile why bad things happen to good people and why people who do bad things get away with it and live. It's because he's already established as knowing he did wrong and never trying to justify it, that he comes across more as a sympathetic character that one can want to see become better.

Sunny, meanwhile, consciously chose to push Mari down the stairs. Even if that was not meant to kill it was meant to hurt. Intentions don't change the outcome, but harming someone intentionally vs out of carelessness I think changes a lot in regards to how you move forward from that, how and if it is even possible to make amends and forgive yourself. And him being relieved about it, even without having played it to experience firsthand I just find chilling in a way I don't think it was meant to be. We can't root for Sunny to be a better person, because he actively chooses not to be.

Later Riley gets turned into a vampire and there's this conversation he has with the vampire who turned him, who also killed someone accidentally out of hunger, but in stark contrast feels no guilt over it and rationalizes that he had to do it that it was god's will that that guy he snacked on had to die. And mental illness didn't make any of the vampires like that; it was a choice to make up justifications for what he did. Disgusted by this, and already resenting being forcibly given immortality when he already resents being alive at all, Riley resists every compulsion to feed and suns himself rather than risk hurting anyone again. And the reason it's tragic is that it feels like he had become a better person and maybe deserved better, despite what he did before, and death shouldn't be the only way to atone or find peace but this is the kind of story where everyone is doomed by the narrative

And we're supposed to feel happy that Sunny got away with murder and lying to all his friends I guess...? idk I just think that if Sunny was a vampire and then died I'd feel the same way I feel about Lenore's death instead they can both fuck right off

"the entire game is him running away from the truth" and what is that truth, huh? what is it he's running away from? spell it out, won't you?

See, this is the kind of stuff I'm talking about when I say the fans keep tiptoeing around the twist's exact details. Saying that Sunny's trauma largely stems from the fact he killed a person wouldn't make him look as #relatable and thus appealing, so it's conveniently omitted :)

"he plays the real duet" no, that cutscene is entirely in his head. same fandom that calls everyone they don't agree with media illiterate, btw lmao

"he's one of the most mentally strongwilled characters in realistic fiction" is particularly funny, though. just thinking about helping other people and fantasizing about a recital that'll never be doesn't require much strength of will.

Sunny didn't even have the mental fortitude to try and comfort Basil or Hero when he saw them at their most vulnerable. What is it that merits such praise, then? The fact he could play a violin in his head? Give me a break.

[echo-three-one]

Chapter 42

THE ROAD SO FAR

This chapter was a mess. But it's my mess.

FOUR weeks of Silence

Gary "Roach" Sanderson

Veteran's Village

A peaceful Sunday meant that Roach, Alex and Soap were chilling at the house Samantha and Maxine were in. It had been 4 weeks since that Cuban incident and Francine had gone to therapy for her near death traumatic experience. If it wasn't for Soap, she would've been left out there for good.

France thought that it would be healthy to stay in a more domestic setup rather than the base so she took her time off duty to recover in the veteran's village. And ever since that day in Cuba, Soap and France's relationship was more expressive than ever.

"If we're having a barbecue tonight, we better head off to the meat shop." Alex peeked by the door, giving a heads up to the rest of the people sitting on the couch. Soap turned his head to Alex and tossed his keys as Roach stood up and came with Alex.

"Any other requests?" He looked at the group then to Maxine, who shook her head and laughed. 

"Just be back safe." She replied.

"Got it." Gary nodded and waved goodbye at them. Soap wanted to come along but France had been falling asleep on his lap for quite a while. And Maxine and Samantha noted that she hadn't had decent for days.

"Oh, Roach! Grab me a cigar maybe." He whispered, trying not to wake France up.

"Roger that." He nodded and made his way to Soap's jeep, where Alex was already waiting on him. He sat himself on shotgun and let Alex lead the way to their destination.

He turned on the radio as it played a song about driving. Roach was quick to shazam it and found out it was Automobile by KALEO.

"Now this is going to be on my playlist." Alex said as his head nodded to the music, taking him where the winds take him, far away.

"Agreed. Oh, Soap actually asked for cigarettes so we might have to stop by a convenience store on the way back." Roach informed as the song ended. 

"Okay. That's cool. Maybe add a few sodas for the girls. They probably haven't had those i  ages." He said as he turned the radio off and switched it to AUX.

"Here. Grab my phone and play that song again." Alex instructed as he drove through the streets, and Roach followed him. Playing the song again.

"Ah yes. This song is good." Alex sighed.

"Yeah. It's fire." Roach commented, making Alex raise an eyebrow.

"You know, fire… lit… slaps… Modern terminologies." Roach explained shyly as Alex chuckled.

"I'll never understand the young ones of today." Alex chuckled as he stopped by the parking lot, pulling his phone and leaving the car.

Dinner was the best part of the Sunday evening as the three couples enjoyed a hearty meal together, sharing experiences and funny stories like an extended family. Roach talked about his raccoon story once again as one topic led to another until such time that the inevitable topic was discussed.

"Speaking of fires, do you have any leads on Nero?" Samantha asked innocently as the men fell quiet, looking at each other. Wondering who would open up the topic.

"Well, uh… After his assault in New York…" Soap trailed off, his eyes went to Alex, signaling him to continue.

"Alex, it's your girl's question! Go answer it!" Soap complained as France laughed, wrapping her arms around Soap.

"He's gone silent." Alex muttered. Samantha was kinda sad she asked about it so she tried to make up by brightening up the mood.

The night continued on as the group played charades, girls vs boys. For an hour or so the soldiers forgot about their worries and acted like they're normal people living their normal lives outside work. It wouldn't hurt to pretend like that, especially when the baggage of guilt was hard to handle.

"So, Gary. I've been meaning to ask you something…" Maxine said as she assisted him in the kitchen.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"How are you… like mentally. You seem… off." She asked, Gary sighed and eased his shoulders.

"It's just… we almost lost a life back there… for nothing. Lannister hasn't said any useful information and as the days go by another assault might occur." he breathed out his worries, earning a back rub from Maxine.

"People have their limits. Lannister could break anytime. Let's just hope we're not too late." She assured him. It was a very negative statement but somehow it's actually helpful. Gary smiled and gave her a hug.

"Thanks Maxine." he said.

"Yeah. Don't ever think you're alone. I'm here for you. Actually, just last night. I had another memory restored. And it felt so important that you have to know it first. Before…" she said, her voice lowering down after every word.

"Before what?" Gary whispered jokingly. Maxine laughed and hit his chest gently.

"Nevermind that word. Back to my memory…

I…" she trailed off, looking like she was too shy and scared to finish the statement.

"You…?" Gary raised an eyebrow. Maxine took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"I had an ex-girlfriend." She blurted and paused right after saying it, bracing at what Gary's reaction.

"I- uh.. That's okay… There's nothing wrong with that, Maxine." He said like he meant it. Maxine was too shocked about his reaction. Maybe she thought about it too much.

"Like… does that change anything?" She asked.

"Nothing at all. Oh wait! Yes! It does." Gary announced and Maxine's smile almost dropped.

"It means that if I want to have you, I'll have to step up my game. I have more competition now." He realized and Maxime sighed in relief. This man was about to get some scolding.

"You worried me, you know!" He continued gently hitting on Gary's chest, giggling away all her fears. He still accepted her. This was great.

"My point's valid!" He laughed, defending himself from her hits,.like children playing house. This may seem like a simple event, but this was the beginning of something new for the two of them.

Task Force 141 Base - Interrogation Room

Price sat in front of Gabriel, they've been silent for about an hour now as Gary and Soap stayed on the viewing area to observe the interrogation. Alex was here thirty minutes ago but he left after he got a phone call.

"What kind of twisted play is this?" Soap asked, crossing his arms and looking at Gabriel.

"The bastard won't talk. Just cut off a finger or something." He scoffed. To Gary, it would make sense, but with all the cameras and the formalities, It wasn't allowed. Especially that Gabriel's alibi was that he got their first to investigate. Which was total bullshit.

"He still has his ace on his sleeve. As long as we don't find proof of involvement, he's going to be free soon." Gary commented, making Soap grumble some Scottish curses.

"It's pretty obvious!" Soap yelled as Alex entered the interrogation room, saying something to Price as they immediately left him alone. Whatever that message was, looked way more important than Gabriel.

"We've got a lead on Nero!" Alex said as he peeked on the door, making the two stand up immediately and head to the briefing room.

"Operation Eye of the Storm." Price announced.

"In 24 hours, Nero and his newfound friends will meet on a hotel in Prague. This intel was from one of the Resistance Leaders Alex once teamed up with. They reached out for help since Nero started to secure the whole city." Price paced back and forth on the big screen.

"The plan is to eliminate Nero and his allies. As simple as that. We have the element of surprise in our hands. Soap, I want you to position yourself on the clock tower, just by the hotel. A bullet to the head should work. Alex will be watching your six. Jack will be our eyes and ears inside the convention. He'll be signaling when they'll be out on the open. Roach and I will enter the building for cleanup. We only had one shot at this so let's make it count." Price briefed and everyone else murmured their thoughts, some were already thanking for a solid lead. This was it. The final showdown. The end of the war.

PRAGUE, CZECH REPUBLIC

Alex and Soap already left the resistance safehouse, they had to be at the clock tower tonight, using the concealment of the night and the noise of the rain for cover. The perfect opportunity to say under the radar. Meanwhile, Roach and Price stayed to defend the place as Nero's men once again ransacked the streets just to ensure his safety. The world may have announced that the war in US was over, but Nero still had some cities under his control. This minor setback was the reason he's planning for something new. And they're here to stop it.

"Alright, Roach. Your replacements here." Price said as he stood up from his spot. 

"Get ready for the big day tomorrow." He added as he nodded and left his gun for the next person to use. Tomorrow's battle is going to be tough, and even though he didn't want to admit it, Roach needed some rest.

Despite the occasional gunfire and screaming, Roach was able to sleep. He didn't mind the battle outside the building as his battle was with Nero. Once Soap shot him dead, he would also want to shoot him again, just to feel satisfied.

0639H 

Hotel Lustig

Prague, Czech Republic

Roach hid on the west wing of the hotel, while Price was on the other side. They were both clinging on to the walls as their entrance was at the small opening where Soap would shoot Nero. Roach eyed the convoy just below him.

"Convoy's up ahead. Nero should be in one of those cars." Soap muttered.

"Can't see shit through the lens. He could be anywhere." Alex added.

"Easy lads. We'll have a clear shot once they're in the balcony. Right Jack?" Price asked. Jack didn't respond, but maybe the signal inside was too weak.

"Jack? Do you copy?" Price asked.

"Da. I do copy, Captain Price. I'm just here to get my old prisoner back. I've had him in the gulag for quite a while but it seems this is our first time meeting face to face." A russian voice which everyone assumed to be Nero said in the most villainous tone possible.

"You're too predictable, Captain." he said as he clicked something, prompting an explosion on the clock tower.

"Get down! C4!" Price yelled as the two soldiers jump out, falling on to railings. Alex landed on a fruit cart by the tower while Soap landed on the car, crashing it as it alarmed.

"Roach! Go help them out!" Price ordered as Nero's men started to circle around the two while the resistance team helped them defend. 

Roach quickly pulled Soap up who was groaning in pain. Alex looked pained too but the look in their eyes says that they're still willing to end this today.

"Let's catch up with them." Alex said as a resistance member tossed them a rifle and quickly hid for cover, pushing their way into the hotel. At the corner of Roach's eye, he saw Price enter the building, loading his gun and ready to end this as well.

Next Chapter : THREE Bullets

Notification Squad my Beloved

@smokeywhalee @enderio @samatedeansbroccoli @whimsywispsblog @ricinbach @bumblingbee1

[ziracona]

Could you elaborate on that Gordon fan theory about him being an inside mole? I haven't heard of it before and it sounds intriguing. Plus ever since the small reference to him on the memorial in ILM, I've been wondering what your thoughts were on how he ended up

Oof, okay, buckle up. This will be the abridged version but that’s still gonna be long. (Don’t read if you want to avoid spoilers for the Saw franchise).

So, in Saw, Gordon is a fkn anomaly to most of the fanbase. Becuase he has a wildly solidified character. You watch Gordon & Adam both go through three different character arcs back to back, and trauma bond, and the second to last scene in Saw is this fkn devestating & beautiful one where—let me back up. So. Quick Saw summary. Two people wake up chained by the ankle to pipes in a small nasty abandoned bathroom with a corpse on the floor between them. They’re each left a tape recorder which tells them why they���ve been targeted (Gordon because he doesn’t value life enough which is evidenced by...? — real reason is he’s literally just the unfortunate Doctor who told John he had Cancer, and John Kramer is that petty of a stupid bitch. & Adam is grabbed becuase...Literally he didn’t even bump into John Kramer or something. The guy took him because he’s a starving early 20s kid who is a photographer, and John thinks his occupation & he are pathetic. I’m not joking. Or exaggerating. This is quite literally the given reason for torturing & killing Adam being fine to John). Anyway, Gordon’s wife and like 7 year old daughter have been kidnapped and are being held at gunpoint. Gordon is told that if he finds a way to murder Adam by six (poor Fkn Adam is 6 feet away & hears this whole tape) on the clock, they and he go free. Adam is told if he can stay alive until after six, he wins and can go free.

They spend then the remaineder of Saw trying, like you’d hope good, decent, or even medium or somewhat shitty people would, to help each other escape, rather than Gordon trying to kill Adam at all. They attempt to fake Adam’s death & fail bc they didn’t realize their shackles were wired & they could be zapped, which makes playing dead really hard. Initially they are frustrated by each other, especially Gordon, who is an adult & levelheaded, by Adam who is young and jouvenile and freaking out & being a pain at first, but they bond through attempting to escape & to figure out what’s happened to them, and also learn more truth about each other. Meanwhile you also get backstory on Jigsaw & the case, and follow Detective Tapp’s story through a few investigated murders, the loss of his partner, and to where he is following Gordon, whom he is convinced is Jigsaw, now. Back in the bathroom, Adam and Gordon reach 6 on the clock, and Gordon gets a phone call where the man holding his wife at gunpoint makes her tell him he failed his game & now she and their daughter have to die. His wife bites the man’s hand, and they fight, but all Gordon hears is screaming in his wife and child’s voices and gunshots, and he has a mental breakdown believing they’re being murdered on the other end of the phone. Then is electrocuted. Adam flips out and tries to throw small stones at Gordon’s body to wake him up, terrified he’s dead, and succeeds. Adam is overcome with relief, but Gordon has a full mental breakdown, almost having died and believing his family is dead, then swapping immediately to denial and convincing himself it’s not too late and he can still save them. Adam tries desperately to apologize and calm him down, then to in horror talk him into stopping while he watched Gordon begin to saw off his foot (Adam was given a saw for this purpose too, but his broke early on before they realized the saws were meant for their feet instead of the chains). Gordon does not stop, and Adam watches in horror as he cuts off his foot, crawls to the gun the dead body on the floor has been holding, and puts the one bullet he was given into it. He tells Adam while crying and breaking down that he’s sorry but he has to die he has to save his family. Adam begs him not to shoot, but he does.

Meanwhile, Bc he’s staking out Gordon’s home, Tapp hears shots, runs in, and is able to chase off the killer and save Gordon’s wife and daughter. He pursues the killer to the meat packing plan, where he is ambushed, struggles, and then is shot in the stomach and left for dead. The man, Zepp, makes it to the bathroom where Gordon tries to shoot him with the bow empty gun & screams at him for what he did to his family, who he still believes are dead, then breaks down crying again. Zepp takes out a gun and tells him he failed to kill Adam by 6, so he has to die. Gordon asks hopeless why, and he tells him those are the rules, then goes to shoot him while Gordon tries to shut his eyes and brace for death. Adam, who is not dead, grabs Zepp’s feet and drags him down in a surprise attack, rips the toilet bowl lid off the toilet, and beats him to death with it, saving Gordon, who watches in shock and then crawls over and puts a hand on his shoulder and gets him to stop beating the dead corpse. Adam is wounded & criying because gunshot wounds fkn hurt, & Gordon tries to comfort him. Tells him it’s just a flesh wound—it’s his shoulder—he’ll be okay. Just keep pressure on it. He has to go get help. Adam begs him not to leave him alone in the bathroom, but Gordon says he has to or he’s going to bleed to death (which is incredibly visually apparent). Adam tries to keep him, then watches him crawl and pleads for him to wait and asks if they’re going to be okay? Gordon tells him “I wouldn’t lie to you.” and gives him a reassuring smile while half dead and crawls out to look for help. Adam is left alone and searches Zepp’s corpse for keys to his shackle, then finds a tape exactly like his & Gordon’s. He plays it, and realizes to his horror this man Zepp was another victim, not Jigsaw. He was poisoned and told to kidnap Gordon’s family & shoot them both & Gordon if Gordon lost to earn an antidote, or just accept death and refuse to participate. While the tape plays, the corpse in the room with them stands up, and Adam realizes to overwhelming horror it has been alive the whole time, and it is Jigsaw, who wanted a front row seat to their torture, suffering, and death. He tries to grab Zepp’s gun & shooot him, but Jigsaw/John electrocutes him w a remote (the shackles are wired) and leaves, congratulating him on winning & telling him where his key is (it got flushed down a drain when Adam woke up, which John no doubt planned), then telling him “Game Over” and locking him alone in the bathroom because John’s a fake ass piece of shit who doesn’t even keep his promises & let the winners go.

The end scene between Adam and Gordon is phenomenal & heart wrenching (Saw is an amazing character piece of a film, & the first film is the reason it became a modern horror staple! Watch here if you’re curious! :’-]

While Gordon does eventually, under extreme duress, shoot Adam, he never wants to kill him, and they are definitely close by the end of the film (which is clear both from the way they treat each other, and their more decisive actions, like Adam risking his life to save Gordon after being shot by him & never seeking recompense for the gunshot, Gordon trying to help Adam & comfort him as well as get help for them both). This is the central relationship of Saw 1, and it’s really well done.

Then, in Saw 2, there’s just no mention of Gordon going back to save Adam. We wonder what happened, until Amanda & Danny stumble to the bathroom form Saw 1 & you are greeted by Adam’s decaying corpse still chained there. It’s later revealed that Gordon escaped the bathroom, cauterized his wound on a hot pipe because he knew he was going to die otherwise, then passed out from pain. John found him and took him to his workshop, where he nursed him back to health & gave him a prosthetic leg, before convincing him to join the team.

Understandably, this did not sit well with any of the Saw fandom. We fight about all kinds of stuff, but the one thing I’ve like, never seen disagreement on, is that it makes no fkn sense for Gordon to betray Adam like that after how close they were, and it makes even less sense he’d willingly join the man who super tried to murder his wife and kid. If it wasn’t for Tapp and Adam, Gordon, his wife, and his child would be dead now. John endangered all 3 intentionally, and did not save or spare any of them.

Still with me? So. Because of that, people started digging. Now, out of Jigsaw’s apprentices, Gordon is the only one who never takes a very active roll. He did not run games or kidnap people. Becuase he was a doctor, John called him in to do medical work for tests, such as sewing a key into the eye of the man from the cold open to Saw II. The only active work he takes is catching Hoffman at the end of Saw 3D & locking him in the basement, which John asked him to do if Hoffman killed Jill (which Hoffman does). This together with Gordon’s character led to a massive fan theory. Let me try to break it down.

After Saw 1, Gordon joins a support group for Jigsaw game survivors, and returns to his family. We get very little info about him period until Saw 3D though. However! Pre Saw 1, Jigsaw basically never lost, the cops never even got close. Suddenly after Saw 1, the entire gang falls apart, starting with Amanda and John, then finally Hoffman & Jill. In Saw 3, it’s revealed Amanda went back to the bathroom to kill Adam when he survived his test. She promises she’s there to help him when he wakes up scared and half dead in the dark, and then puts a plastic bag over his head and smothers him while he fights. This lead to a fan theory that Gordon went back to save Adam once he could (able to walk & not being shadowed by Jigsaw), but was too late, and decided to take revenge very carefully. However, Amanda has a shit track record of thinking she killed someone & not checking for a pulse (see Eric Matthews, who she thought she beat to death), so the even more popular theory is that Adam was not dead by the time Gordon got to him, and Gordon saved him and replaced his corpse with another. This theory is backed by the fact that Adam was shot in the shoulder, but when the body is seen in other films, it is both too decayed to be recognizable, and the gunshot wound is in the stomach (where Tapp was shot). Furthermore, when Amanda & Danny find Zepp and “Adam”’s bodies in Saw 2, Zepp, who was already partially bald, still has hair, yet Adam’s corpse is completely bald. The shackle is also on the wrong foot now, which would indicate it was removed and then replaced by someone in a hurry. Now, obviously it’s possible this was just a continuity error, but given that Saw usually has a good track record with continuity (and uses them a lot for big reveals), that gives more weight than usual to the theory.

So, this led to the idea that Gordon was able to either save Adam, or at least remove his body & bury it, replaced it with a fake (possibly Tapp? but considering the bodies wouldn’t be decayed enough for the skin to be missed if he did it when Adam was alive or in decent preserve even, and Tapp is considerably taller, I’d assume he, as a doctor, didn’t have too much trouble stealing a John Doe cadaver from the hospital) corpse in Adam’s clothes, then agreed to help Jigsaw becuase he was smart enough to know if he didn’t play along, John would kill him (he would, and has. He never lets people with dangerous information go). John also tends to have failsafes in place, like “if Gordon betrays me, kill his daughter” kind of stuff, so the theory is Gordon played along to keep his family safe, instead of going to the cops, since he knew at least Hoffman worked for Jigsaw already, and there might be more plants, and did his best to engineer the breakdown and eventual demises of the whole team from Saw 1 on. (Was the one who gave Hoffman the idea to threaten Amanda or the info to do it, intentionally failed to protect Jill from Hoffman to have an easy excuse to kill/see both dead, etc). Makes double sense if Adam was alive, becuase if Gordon revealed himself as mole, first thing Jigsaw & co would check is what else he messed with, and they knew he was close to Adam.

There’s a lot more details to it, but that’s the short version. Most people I know in the Saw fandom ascribe to it in a weird kind of “Look I know it’s probably just inconsistent character writing and in that case fuck Gordon he can go to hell, but since I truly don’t believe Saw 1 Lawrence Gordon would do this & there’s enough evidence for reasonable doubt, I choose to believe the convoluted theory that makes him make sense & also means Adam could maybe be alive” way. Including me. If Gordon really decides he has no issue with John after what he did to him, his baby girl, Adam, and his poor wife, joins him willingly & helps, then he’s as bad as Amanda & Hoffman & fuck that guy. But since the characterization doesn’t match /at all/ & there’s never an explanation given, & fan theory makes more sense, I tend to think of Gordon as if the fan theory is right? Although if you don’t & thus hate Gordon, 100% respect. I just cannot watch Saw 1 & believe Lawrence would join up for any reason but revenge & long con to keep family safe. I mean, he tried to kill a /friend/ to save his family. You’re really going to try to convince me the man who cut off his own foot by hand to try to save his wife and daughter would ever be cool with or forgive the man who tried to execute them for no reason? Uhhh, to quote Dr. Gordon himself,

I mean.

💁🏻‍♀️ You can’t convince me the man this hellbent on destroying the man who was threatening his family did not make him pay, and just decided to be pals. You can’t. It’s inconsistent writing. :’-] anyway, there’s other info too—one of the disguised figures who helps Lawrence take out Hoffman is the exact height Adam was, the plastic bag from Amanda is gone & the corpse in a different position, etc—been like 2 years so I don’t even remember it all, but it’s very fascinating. & that’s the short yet somehow still too long version of the Gordon theory I definitely did not proof read at all for which I apologize! It’s more convincing than I write it I swear I am just exhausted. :’-] But yeah, most saw fans ascribe to it, which is why we all seem to still like Gordon, and he’s so often shipped with Adam, both of which would probably otherwise seem massively confusing. Hope it helps!

(Oh! & in ILM, since i ascribe to that theory, I wrote him that way. Failed to save Adam, buried his body, then took slow, careful revenge on Jigsaw & co. to keep his family safe. Knows there are deaths he is not blameless for becuase of that, and is full of guilt over wondering if going to the police wouldn’t have saved people, even if he had understandable doubts & reasons for what he did. Is especially guilty for Adam’s death. Seeks to make reparations slowly his own way. [tho also soemtimes secretive characters lie to me until it becomes necessary for me to know, so it’s possible Gordon saved Adam & is hiding it, but given the whole gang is dead, I don’t know why he still would be, so I think ILM verse all he could do was bury the body]).

[dr-mizmix]

My sunshine(part 1/?)

Many people have already written about this but I couldn't help it. This fic follows the headcanon in which Five kills Dave.

TRIGGER WARINGS

warzone/mental breakdown

Word count: 1500+

13+

Enjoy!

“It's just another name, it's just another mission” Five never thought about who he had to eliminate. It wasn't worth the time thinking about their lives and getting involved in an emotional level. That would be irrational and compromise the mission. It didn't matter if they were innocent, guilty, men, women or children Five just wanted to get the job done so he could move forward to the next one until the day he finished his equations or his contract whatever came first.

“Eliminate Dave Katz at all costs”

As soon as Five read the name, it made him wonder “Huh, this is weird. I wonder what this soldier soldier must have done for the temp comision to send me instead of letting him die at warzone.” He then looked to Dolores who remained motionless “............” Five then tried to act unbiased “You are right Dolores, that's none of ours business," he read again the name and location “we should get going.”

After that he packed for his unusual destination, even for a time traveling hitman like himself 1968 Vietnam.

While Five was onto his grim mission Dave Katz, his future victim, was having a great time with another time traveler who happened to be a Hargreeves too, but whose plans of what to do with him couldn't be more different.  

At the disco Klaus was killing it the dance floor when discretely he winks Dave who has been watching him from the distance. He takes this gesture as a signal and starts to slowly approach him while dancing “Haha, you have some nice moves” Klaus decided to cautiously flirt with him trying to see where he could go “Really? I could teach you some of them if you wanna” Dave followed Klaus’ game “Oh, and how much would it be for the lessons?” he wished this was 2019 and not 1968 “Well, I would usually charge a lot to know the secrets of my moves.” Dave kept getting closer to him “Oh really?” he said with a playful smile “Yeah but because you are obviously desperate I'll make you a deal. I will lower my price to just one shot of whatever it is your favorite drink.” he knew that if he said to anyone else he could get in trouble. But not to Dave “Then it's settled. Bartender two shots of whiskey please! My treat.” After that they danced together all evening with the excuse of teaching each other dance moves.

“Klaus” Dave called him in a really low tone but he caught his attention “Follow me” They went together to a secluded area. “Are we allowed to be here?” Klaus tried being cautious but Dave made his thoughts disappear in less than a second “What, what are we?” Klaus didn't know how to answer. “I don't know, what am I to you?” Dave thought for a moment “I feel like I can trust you with my life, I would say that you are my friend but that would be lying to myself” Klaus closed his eyes “Keep going” Dave closed his eyes too “You are the most kind,wonderful, brave and handsome person that I've ever met” Dave felt like his heart was about to to leave his body, when Klaus wrapped his arms around him “You are very wrong, because you are the most handsome, strong, brave and vulnerable person I've ever met and you clearly know yourself” Dave got as close as he could to Klaus and when their lips were almost touching he whispered “May I?” to which Klaus responded “Yes you can” They shared a long kiss, when they separated Dave was incredibly blushed “Did I do it wrong?” Klaus giggled and started playing with Dave's hair “No! Why would you say that” Dave looked kind of embarrassed “I'm kind of new to this thing” Klaus then gently grabbed his face “Don't worry, we can do whatever you want” Dave hugged him and a slow song started playing “I've, I've never danced to anything like this before” Klaus smiled and placed their hands on the position for a slow dance. “Hey remember I told you I'd teach you how to dance” Dave shaked his head smiling and they continued dancing through the whole night.

Several months have passed since the night Dave and Klaus shared their first kiss. Since then they've been secretly dating. So far no one noticed anything more than them being really good friends. That or they prefer to ignore it. They even got themselves some matching tattoos which Dave chose. In their way to the front, at the bus, Dave seemed distant “Today it's going to be tough” Klaus puts his arm around him “You always say that, and look at us! We only get so emotionally scarred for life!” He tried to joke around it to see if Dave would relax a bit “Right, right” Klaus started to get worried “Are you ok?" “Well It's just that I heard that my squad is going for the front line this time and I I…”Dave couldn't continue. There was a pause “Is that all?Then I will be going with you”Dave shaked his head with a sad smile “Come on Klaus you know that we can't do that. We are in different squads” Klaus though for a moment “Well then tell someone from your squad that today is their lucky day because I'm not letting you go alone.” Dave laughed “You are going to make some lucky bastard very happy”

Five loaded his trusty rifle and waited for the perfect moment when nobody would notice him. It was weird to witness all those people dying in front of him but Five had to constantly remind himself that it was none of his business. Chaos arises in the trenches and Five decided to shoot his target, knowing help wouldn't come. He activated the trigger and the job was done. A man starts screaming with a somewhat familiar voice. Five feelt startled by it and decided to take a closer look. “Something feels wrong”

Meanwhile the in the trenches Klaus was screaming for help “Medic! Medic!” He held Dave in his arms “You're going to ok Dave, you'll get through this” Dave placed his hands behind Klaus head “I'll be ok Klaus I know I'll be” Klaus cried even harder “Stay with me Dave please, I'll take you with me” Dave closed his eyes “Sing for me” Klaus couldn't think of any song until words started flowing almost automatically from his mouth “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…” Dave grabbed his hand “You make me happy when skies are gray…” Klaus tightened his grip “You'll never know dear how much I love you…” Dave's hand relaxed a bit “Please don't take” Dave opened his eyes “my sunshine” they both smiled “I love you” Dave lost all his grip “Away… ” Klaus looked at Dave, he didn't move “Dave? Dave! Medic! Goddammit I need a need a goddamm medic!”. As he realized that help wouldn't arrive, he looked Dave's lifeless body and laid on it crying. “He's dead. He's dead” his mumbling kept going until it became unintelligible.

Dolores in his back as always stayed silent. “Is just the screaming, he shouldn't have found him so fast. We are in the middle of warzone.” He made a pause to get Dolores perspective. “It's just” he squinted his eyes in an attempt to see the man's forearm, Five sighed as he saw the man wore long sleeves and looked back at Dolores “You are right Dolores, I have no family anymore” He closed his eyes trying to forget the familiar pitch. “What would they be doing here anyway?”He picked up his stuff and left as he never had been there. He was now awaiting for his next assignment.

“Eliminate President Kennedy at all costs”

When Five found himself asking “is it worth it? Is it worth killing l so many people to go back knowing that the future is doomed?” He remembered Vanya and the rest of his siblings and found a reason to keep living.

But this was not the moment to think about his siblings, this was a moment of action.

As Five used his briefcase for the last time he thought of his siblings, and while it was kind of hard to admit, he started questioning if they would accept him. They only knew him for 13 years and he is now 58. What is he going to tell them? He'd been alone for 40 years and now the feeling of being able to come back to his family terrifies him. But it didn't matter now, the apocalypse doesn't wait for anybody.

He arrived at his destination, there he started apply his equations to time travel back his family. He'll show Dolores she's wrong. He knew his arrival would probably cause a huge anomaly so he expected his family waiting for him. What he didn't expect was that one screaming man from his last mission in Vietnam. The first face he saw “Klaus” It suddenly became clear. He got distracted over that fact. So much so that his body started morphing into his 13 years old self.He finally went through it.

“Shit”

I will continue this fic in the near future so stay tuned!

[kaijuno]

(Context: I've been homeschooled all my life, now go to 1 public school class) I went to a haunted house/ship ran by the Coast Guard w/ my sister, dad, and two girls from my class. We get in line w/ dad nearby, and two other girls from my class show up. No supervision. Now one of these girls, who i now call Hickory Horror, was SHRIEKING IN MY EAR, CURSING UP A STORM, TOLD A BOY FROM MY CLASS TO JUMP OFF THE DOCK AND KILL HIMSELF, SCREAMED "EVERYBODY LOOK AT MEEEEE!!!!" /1

2/ AND WE WEREN'T EVEN ON THE BOAT YET. She was screaming like a 3 year old, screamed at the top of her lungs at these poor elderly women in front of us "SHE HAS MY GRANDMAS HAIR SHES MY GRANDMA!!!" she was running ALL over the docks, she was going into the other line (the exit line), and kept shrieking so loudly in both my and my sister's ears. My dad was there watching. She asked my 13 year old classmate that I invited "are you really a virgin?" WE'RE IN 6TH-8TH GRADE.

3/ When we did get on the boat (this was behind me so i didnt know until later) Hickory Horror was SHOVING my sister because she wanted to be in front. My sister didn't let her go and front, turned around and put her hand up, said "If you're going to be with us, you need to chill." . Also, this kid has NO mental disorder. She isn't autistic, no ADHD, nothing. Meanwhile, My dad is sitting on the dock wondering what in gods name is following his kids. It was worse inside the boat.

4/ When we got in, the screaming/shrieking started/increased ten-fold INSTANTLY. My sister and I were stuck with the two sweet elderly women (we whispered to each other on the docks that we'd rather go with them anyway). We couldn't see my classmates but we heard them screaming. It got to a point with a clown at the bottom of a stair, and oh my god the screaming from this demon child. "I HATE CLOWNS I HATE CLOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I use so many !'s because that's legit how loud she was.

5/ I hated every minute we were in there, because I already had a headache from this brat and there was a lot of flashing strobe lights. We get to the end (thank god) and I overhear the guide that was in front with my classmates "Yeah they were like...pushing me and hurting me..." They LITERALLY HURT A COAST GUARD. My friend stepped on his heel, but I'm not talking about her. I'm talking about the two demon children that kept screaming. We get out of there, they want to go again -hell to the no.

6/ We go home, drop off my two friends who I DID invite, my dad instantly turns around, looks at me, and goes "I like your friends, but you are never allowed to invite those other girls." He saw and heard EVERYTHING this Hickory Horror was saying and doing on the dock. The other uninvited-girl wasn't as bad, but she was still annoying. Which is sad, because I kind of liked her before the ordeal. This was my first time at the haunted house, but they were so embarrassing. Ruined my whole night.

Holy fuck what a nightmare Jesus Christ I’m proud of you for not killing her

[icharchivist]

Lavi anon: whoa thanks so much for the epic long reply. I love everything about it! Some stuff definitely caused me to think new things (so much I won't remember everything). 1st thing, The way I've always interpreted Roads Nightmare was that she accessed Lavi's dreams and let Lavi become his worst enemy letting all his fears fight back. Road meanwhile played a passive role by hiding in Allen. Afterall she didn't control bookmanJr. That was Lavi warring against his own mind. BookmanJr stuck-

2 around even after Lavi had stabbed Road. BookmanJr in my opinion was the one controlling the dream (thanks to Road, in return she controlled the body) trying to punish the part of him going astray. But BookmanJr (like you said) accepted Lavi and him were the same person when BJr heard Allen’s calls and tried to sacrifice himself to save his friend. But that’s my interpretation of Lavi’s worst fears and how even BJr couldn’t distort how Lavi sees Allen (you know it never occured to me how -

3 messed up it must have been for Lavi to stab dream Allen. Road could have been bias, but you’re right in that she could have seen how unchanged Allen was compared to the other’s and assumed Lavi would have treated dream Allen differently). 

(cutting it one mins again) first thank you for the nice word <33 it’s all thanks to you nonny though, you gave me all the fuel needed for all of this! and it was fun to discuss.

Second, actually you’re right. I gave Road maybe a little too much credit on how much she manipulated the situation but considering the final manologue of how “Lavi” convinces “Bookman JR” you’re completely right: it was indeed more his internal self talking. 

I do think Road nudged a few things around. But it does lessen how much of her impact it was. And it says a lot about Lavi that this is how his fears manifests itself. How for everyone else in teh order it’s how much they’d judge him for him thinking of them like that, and all and so forth, but for Allen, what breaks him, is just how much of his emotional attachement to Allen was something his “duty self” had to reject and the fear of that one loss broke Lavi. 

But therefore if it’s really just Lavi’s fears coming out, Road probably only went into Allen because after seeing Lavi’s fears he knew she would be safer there. Like… if Road had all controle over the dreams and how she nudged it, she wouldn’t have just have let her Bias for Allen put her in a vulnerable situation. If we go with your interpretation (which the more i think about it, the more i think it’s accurate) it means Road saw the way Lavi wouldn’t even get to hurt Allen in those fears.  And you have also a point: considering how the nightmare evolved, i think perhaps the fears showed themselves by layers. And considering in the first layers, the first nightmares, Allen didn’t appear, Road probably put one and one together knowing that Allen would dig deeper into Lavi’s fears and consciousness. And now i’m sad.

It also says a lot about how much Lavi’s duty is challenged by Allen that it became the One “Ink” worth taking out. Worth killing by his duty self. Like in those fears it also acknowledge how this affection for Allen is the biggest risk against his duty. Guuuh it’s making me even sadder but that makes sense considering how it’s his grief about Allen that got called out by Bookman. (I think it’s a question of bad timing, but Bookman beat Lavi up with how he doesn’t need a heart over Allen’s loss, when Lenalee is crying for him - when Lenalee almost dies, there is no real time to lecture Lavi over his duty. Sure Lavi was still thinking about it,the whole thing was started in his mind, but Bookman didn’t act on it again due to the others stuff that kept happening. So even if this affection extended to Lenalee it was Allen who was the catalyst and therefore “the risk” in his nightmare. Funny enough considering Lenalee’s involvement in his nightmare were that her helplessness and how Lavi wanted to help her could be his downfall (but it wasn’t)- that echo how he was seeing the Lenalee’s situation on the boat. while Allen’s situation is fully on loss and it breaks him. Man. That hurts once put into that perspective.

Oh man Lavi’s right. No matter how much darkness ensnares Allen he’s such a creature of the light. Even kids see it better then adults. Timothy adores Allen. That girl Allen rescued in the Alma Arc thought his star was lucky. Another girl mistook Allen for-4 angel. It gets deeper when you realize a part of Lavi stopped emotionally/mentally aging when he became bookman jr and is the one who identifies Allen as dazzling Light. Even Kanda is getting in on being mesmerized by Allen’s white light image going by his expression from the last chap (Kanda’s 9 so…). I feel like Lavi’s observation was both a foreshadowing and resigned fear of losing Allen. Allen’s probably the best thing he’s ever recorded but he knows the natural state of the universe-5 is darkness with light only coming from sources. Humanity’s biggest light right now for Lavi is Allen. But even stars go out and Lavi probably wonders how long will Allen’s light shine for others until Allen himself goes out. I agree. Lavi is defintely overprotective at times. He freaked over Lenalee several times and during the Ark ark Allen was his main concern. Always staying close and getting jumpy when Noah attacked him. I’ll stop for now but I do love how Allen affected Lavi. X)

Nonny i love u and yes this is perfect. 

And tbh you have a point with especially resonating with children (although low blow for Kanda. Completely true and deserved and needed low blow but still). but it’s true that when “Lavi” gets to hear Allen’s voice and reason for a last time with his Bookman self against Road, his Bookman self turns back to a child. I think it meant a lot of having to face the values that had him start to be a Bookman to begin with. it’s apparently a decision Lavi took when he was 6 after all, before humanity made him numb to the “elder self” level. I think getting back to his Child self was a way to face back what were his original intentions by becoming a Bookman, trying to reconnect with that after years of losing yourself to cynism. But indeed it does create also an ongoing thing with younger people being carried away by Allen’s light in general and feeling hope in it.

But yes agreed, Lavi’s mention was really both foreshadowing and resigned fear of losing Allen. I think Lavi knows at this point, from almost losing Allen that it is something that will happen.

tbh even if we know Allen was “lost to his darkness” with Nea coming out, for Lavi, litterally, Allen “died” trying to save Suman after all. 

OKAY SO WAIT so as i was answering that i rewent to from chapter 55 to Allen’s death to notice what I wanted to say so: 

Timcanpy leaves VERY LATe the Tyki VS Allen showdown, and we know he recorded everything, so this is how much he saw. But here’s what happened:

Tyki killed Suman, making him explode from the butterflies. Allen was seriously injuried from the fight, right, and had to process all of that. Tyki eventually realizing who it was, started to show off his power: said Tease was only a weapon and he showed Allen how he could kill him, by tearing his heart out (so the whole scene of Tyki getting through Allen, litterally, and threatening to take his warm heart out, was reccorded by Timcanpy). THEN, Tyki destroys Allen’s innocence, STILL IN FRONT OF TIMCANPY (so that was reccorded). He also checks his hitman card to make sure and confirms that Allen is on his “to kill” list. But most importantly:The reason Tim left was that, while Tyki destroyed Allen’s innocence first, then headed to Suman’s, specifically talking about how he was looking to destroy the Heart. Allen knew at that point that he was on Tyki’s hit list. At this point, his innocence had already been destroyed, he saw Tyki’s destructive powers, and was too weak to try to fight back anyway.And what does Allen do? He asks Timcanpy to take Suman’s innocence and bring it back to the boat. Allen’s last action was to protect the innocence one last time. That’s what was recorded.

And also something I’ve never noticed until i looked for it but you know who is the first character we focus back on when Tyki is “killing” Allen? When Timcanpy leaves? Who is the first character from the boat we see again?

this is what serves as a transition from Timcanpy leaving Allen’s side to warn people on the boat, right before Allen gets killed. It’s Lavi who starts this “transition”. 

also this is right before they find Tim and I might need to scream at this reaction. Before being sure he died, he clentches his teeth remembering him and his kindness toward Suman before trying to believe that they will find them. He actually went througha  bit of denial there  g o d. I completely forgot. (also not helping the “memory effect” looks like it is fading away, a bit like light)

the point I wanted to make when i checked those out tho is that: Allen died “for the light” in a way. He died trying to protect, to save, and he spent his last minutes protecting the Innocence. In a way I can see why Lavi fears the Light swallowing allen more than the darkness: because to him, he saw Allen’s kindness taking him away. That Light that everyone sees in Allen, it had taken him away. 

Allen is a star, a light that is shining through and you’re entierely right: even those lights are doomed to fade away. And Lavi is aware of that, if only because it happened once. But he cannot hold hope for Allen even if he cares for this life. But ye at this point Allen is probably the best thing Lavi saw in his life and it hurts to think about how he might lose it at any moment like he already did.

And you’re right he does get overprotective, especially toward Lenalee and Allen. It still kills me that during the whole ark’s arc, while he remains mostly quiet, he spends most of his time stuck to Allen. It’s like,, dude,,, com’on,, you’re so scared to lose him again and you don’t even realize. He even felt for Allen when the Jasdebi were being vicious with him.

Man Lavi you care so much u fool. 

Everything about Lavi breaks my heart.

Take care!