#((persona 1 and 2 are fucking wild))

[psalmsofpsychosis]

Some Batman: Telltale thoughts

[this is a Batman Telltale critical post, ye be warned.]

So. There are perhaps no words in the english language to describe with how stupid i feel right now.

I started Telltale Batman because i thought that it's one of the more distinct unconventional Batman narratives that would let you have a more interesting, complex and nuanced relationship between Bruce and Joker— the game even lets you bring all of Bruce's sincere hypocrisy and sentimental selfishness to the surface and have him admit that yes, he can fight the rogues gallery because it takes a madman to know a madman; to love a madman. For a moment i geniunely thought that i can escape the everpresent shadow of DC hays code in the freakshow funhouse that is Batman comics, i thought Telltale had done something different.

But telltale's approach to The Enemy Within is so flaky and flimsy and timid at best— such noncommittal twist on themes of pain and grief. They take on a hefty plotline, "what does it take to actually fight through evil and be surrounded by it? How long does it take before your resolve and your selfhood cracks? When you lose the mask, which one did you truly lose— The ideal persona, the superhero, the crusader, or the person underneath, the casket that holds all your humanity and your heart and your hopes? How long can you stare onto the abyss before it stares onto you?" It's indeed a very Nietzsche approach to Batman— except that a good Nietzsche narrative takes a lot of intentional plot points and honesty of thought and of heart. And Telltale doesn't commit, not to Bruce's characterization, and not to any other character, and definitely not to Joker's journey in any variation of it. The existence of the Vigilante route is useless on every front; Joker is going to turn into a villain anyway, just with a different hello kitty eyeshadow palette and an extra bland consolation lollipop. No good choice Bruce makes on Joker's behalf affects anything whatsoever, and i particularly love the "community and friendship and sympathy do not help the mentally ill and all that ever works is punishment and shock therapy and confinement and loneliness" message the vigillante route puts on the table, charming charming status quo commandments from DC as always.

Telltale Batman could only be revolutionary if it had dared to break comic convention and let the vigillante route play out like Selina and Bruce's relationship always does; very grey morality, irrational, full of tension and trust, unstable, intriguing, inexcusable, irreversible, unavoidable and heartfelt, human. But we can't have nice things in batmanverse, so both Joker routes run on stuck gears and topple and fall into a predictable narrative hole that neither Bruce nor Joker can claim out of.

And on the predictable front? this story is too lukewarm to be a good time for me personally. When you get 84 Batman comics per minute every other Tuesday, all ending the same way no matter whatever the fickity happens inbetween, you have to pull no punches. This is my 53368532th Batman-with-tragic-batjokes-implications read of the week, say something new or forever hold your blue-balling silence, i dont care.

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

Never Have I Ever (Part 3) - Hangman

Pairing: Hangman / Civilian Contractor! Reader (Callsign: Dove)

Length: 3.9k

This work, all my works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only

Warnings: Female Reader with a Callsign and Family, but no Physical Description or Name; Not Necessarily Healthy Decisions/Coping Mechanisms; Slow Burn; Coworkers to Friends to Lovers; Oblivious Idiots; Excessive Pining

Summary: Dove and Jake learn more about each other as they work through Dove's challenge.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Master List

# 30 - Gone Sailing

Dove and Jake got out of his truck and walked through the marina parking lot. When Jake found out that Amelia and Penny had been trying to convince Dove to come sailing with them for months, he accepted their invitation on her behalf. 

“I still can’t believe that you never went sailing with them before,” Jake stated, pulling on a pair of his sunglasses. Turning to Dove with a teasing smile, he asked, “You’re not going to tell me that you’re afraid of the water, right? Or that you can’t swim?” 

“No,” Dove scoffed, shooting him a look. “I can swim. And I’m not afraid of the ocean.” 

“They have life jackets. You’ll be fine. And if anything does happen, I’ll be here to rescue you. Passed swim training with flying colors.” 

“Phoenix said that she saw you cry after swim training.”

“Does she have proof?”

“Don’t worry, your big tough guy persona is safe with me,” Dove joked, poking him in the side. 

Dove and Jake walked down the dock to Penny’s boat. Theo was trotting around on the deck while Amelia and Penny got ready to set sail. Amelia spotted them first and waved to Dove excitedly, causing Penny to turn around. 

“Well, it only took you six months to accept our invitation,” Penny mused, resting her hands on her hips.

“Better late than never,” Dove replied, looking a bit nervous. 

She walked on board and was quickly greeted by Amelia, who was very excited that her tutor finally decided to come out for something fun. Jake watched as Dove talked with Amelia and relaxed a bit more. Leaning over to grab a life jacket, Jake felt Penny’s eyes on him. She simply offered him a knowing smile before walking onboard.

They set sail shortly afterwards and the seabreeze quickly cut through any sort of southern California warmth that Dove had when she got on board. Jake sat beside her, both of them staying out of the way of Amelia and Penny as they operated the boat. 

“Jesus, it’s cold,” Dove cursed, curling in on herself. 

Jake sat calmly, a little cold, but running warm. Holding onto the railing right behind Dove, he stared ahead as the boat rode over the waves. Dove slid back as the boat went over another wave and tucked herself into Jake’s side to keep warm. Jake stared down at her as she shivered, subconsciously curling his body around her more. 

“You okay?” he asked, his voice barely loud enough to hear over the wind. 

“It’s fucking cold!” 

~~~~~~

# 31 - Seen Dolphins in the Wild

Settled in calmer waters and warmer air, Amelia and Dove sat near the bow, chatting and looking down at the water. Jake sat farther back with Penny, asking her questions about how the ship operated. Amelia glanced back at Jake before turning back to Dove.

“Why’s Hangman following you around these days?”

“He’s just helping me with something,” Dove dismissed with a shrug. 

“Like as a friend? Or a boyfriend?” 

“Life is not a cheesy Netflix movie. He’s just bored.” Dove turned back to Amelia and offered her a smirk. “How’s What’s-His-Face? The surfer kid?” 

“Shh!” Amelia stressed, glancing back at her mom before turning back to Dove. “My mom says that she’s ‘fine’ with me hanging out with boys but she’s not.” 

“A lot of parents are like that,” Dove told Amelia, nodding along. “It’s usually because they’re worried that you’ll make the same mistakes they did when they were your age.” Dove and Amelia shared a look, quietly doing the math in their heads. “How old was your mom when she met Maverick again?” 

Amelia laughed before she caught movement in the water out of the corner of her eye. Grabbing Dove’s arm and shaking it lightly, Amelia pointed at the pod of dolphins that were swimming by. Dove followed her finger and quickly sat up. 

“Holy crap,” Dove laughed, watching the dolphins swim with awe. Turning to where Penny and Jake were talking, Dove called out to them. “Jake! Penny! Dolphins!”

Jake walked over to where Dove and Amelia were staring out at the pod of dolphins. He silently marveled at the sight as he stood just a step to Dove’s right. 

“Have you ever seen them like this before?” Jake asked her, referring to the dolphins. 

“No,” Dove admitted, turning to look at Jake. “Have you?”

“No.” 

“Hmm,” Dove mused, smiling as Jake met her gaze. “Maybe you need a list of your own.” 

“Maybe one day,” he agreed softly before they turned back to the dolphins.

~~~~~

# 32 - Gone Rollerblading

After returning to shore, Jake and Dove started walking down the adjacent boardwalk. And when Dove saw a rental place for rollerblades, she had her next idea. 

“Are you sure that you’re up for this?” Jake asked, handing her a helmet. 

“I only rented them for twenty minutes,” Dove pointed out, tying up the rollerblades. Taking the helmet from Jake, she pulled it on. “I need to stop being scared. I mean, if I stayed scared of going on the boat with Penny and Amelia, I never would have seen the dolphins. I need to try new things.”  

“Alright,” Jake agreed, standing in front of her. “Just take it slow.”

He offered Dove his hands and helped her to stand up with her skates on. When Dove nearly slipped to the ground, Jake quickly wrapped his arms around her waist. Dove gripped his biceps as she got her bearings, growing a bit warm in her cheeks. 

“I’ll be fine,” she insisted, releasing him. 

~~~~~

# 33 - Been to the Beach First Aid Stand

“If I hear the phrase ‘I told you so’ come out of your mouth,” Dove warned Jake as he helped her along the boardwalk. 

“Come on. There’s a first aid station up ahead.” 

Dove was a little worse for wear. No bones were broken and she wasn’t in any kind of excruciating pain, but her knees were certainly banged up. Jake held Dove up with one arm, not trusting her on her own, and knocked on the door to the lifeguard stand. 

~~~~~

# 34 - Had Pistachio Ice Cream

“Ice cream makes everything better,” Jake suggested as they left the first aid stand. 

“Unless you’re lactose intolerant,” Dove pointed out, causing Jake to turn to her. 

“You’re lactose intolerant?” 

“No, I’m not,” Dove stated, frowning a little bit. “You saw me eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s with Bob two weeks ago.” 

“Good. Then pick a flavor that you’ve never tried before,” Jake stated, pointing at the list posted at the front of the stand. 

Dove looked over the list of flavors, mentally checking off the ones that she had and picking from the rest of the flavors. 

“I guess I’ll try pistachio.” 

Jake ordered two ice creams, a pistachio for Dove and a chocolate one for him, before walking over to the table that Dove picked. Placing the cup of pistachio ice cream down in front of her, he took his seat and offered her a smile. 

“For your troubles. And your injury.” 

“Thanks,” Dove replied quietly, still embarrassed. 

She took a spoonful of pistachio ice cream in her spoon and slowly brought it to her mouth, taking a tentative lick. Dove took a moment, testing the flavor, before nodding.

“Not bad,” she stated, turning back to Jake. 

“See? Maybe things can surprise you.” 

~~~~~

# 35 - Gone to a Boardwalk Fair

Dove and Jake continued on their way after they finished their ice cream. Jake was listening to Dove talk about some more ideas that she had for her list when he spotted an ad posted on a light stand. He took a step over, drawing Dove’s attention, and read the details.

“What about this?” Jake suggested, pointing at the posters.

Dove stepped up beside him and looked over the ad for a boardwalk fair a few towns over. Turning back to Jake, she nodded and smiled softly. 

“Yeah, I’m sure that we can find things there that I haven’t done before.” 

~~~~~

# 36 - Eaten a Corndog

“You brought me all the way out here to eat a corndog?” Dove asked Hangman as he held one out to her. 

“Stop stalling and take a bite.” 

Dove sighed and took the corndog from him. She glanced down at the corndog with distaste before taking a small bite off the tip. Chewing it, she studied the corndog again as Jake waited for her reaction. 

“Weird texture, but not too bad. You can finish it though.” 

~~~~~

# 37 - Eaten a Bug

Dove cupped a few crispy grasshoppers in her hand and held them out to Jake. Though he looked concerned himself, Jake reached out and grabbed one. Dove grinned and held up a cricket of her own. She jokingly clinked their crickets together, like they were clinking drinks after work, before bringing the cricket to her mouth. 

“Cheers,” she exclaimed before popping it into her mouth. 

Jake stared down at the cricket for a moment before slowly putting it into his mouth and chewing tentatively. Dove grinned as she watched Jake try to hide his grimace. Finishing her cricket quickly, Dove poked Jake in the side. 

“Don’t forget, spitters are quitters.” 

Completely unprepared for that phrase to come out of Dove’s mouth, Jake started to cough and choke. Dove’s teasing smile dropped as Jake hit his chest with his fist. 

“Are you alright?” she asked him worriedly, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“Fine,” Jake wheezed, coughing again.

~~~~~

# 38 - Gotten Your Fortune Read

“Now this might actually be the dumbest thing you’ve thought of so far,” Dove complained as Jake dragged her over to the tent. “You know that it’s all crackpot nonsense.”

“That’s not the point. We’re exposing you to new experiences,” Jake drawled, gesturing for Dove to sit down.

Rolling her eyes, Dove sat down and waited for the fortune teller. Jake stepped out of the room to give them ‘spiritual space’ and the woman stepped out from behind the curtain a few moments later. She greeted Dove before sitting behind her crystal ball. The fortune teller gave Dove and overview of what to expect before she began. 

“I see . . .”

“A glass ball?” Dove muttered quietly to herself. 

“I see some struggle in your future,” the fortune teller replied, causing Dove to raise an eyebrow. “You have some great trials before you.” 

“Don’t we all?” 

“Your life could be in danger.” 

“Oh, dear,” Dove feigned concern. 

“I see some balloons.” 

“What color are these balloons?” 

“Multicolored, dear. And I see a lion.”

“A lion?”

“Yes, and then a screw. It seems to have fallen, putting you at risk,” the fortune teller continued, pausing as she closed her eyes. “But you’ll survive, my dear. And a man will be right there to hold your hand and comfort you through it.” 

“Well, I hope he’s handsome,” Dove replied sarcastically, offering a forced smile. “Or rich.” 

“Or both,” the fortune teller added, causing Dove to nod. “That’ll be ten dollars, dear.” 

~~~~~

# 39 - Won a Prize at the Fair

“You’ve never played a fair game?” Jake admonished Dove, who scoffed.

“I played one when I was a kid, but they’re all scams! Like that fortune teller.” 

“Did you win anything?” he asked, causing Dove to shake her head. “Then let’s go.” 

“Jake, it’s pointless. And a waste of money.”

“Well, I don’t lose.”

Hangman scanned the games in the area before selecting the darts booth. The attendant, who seemed to have given up on caring, handed Jake some darts and gestured to the moving multicolored balloons behind him. Dove stood to the side as Jake lined up his shots. Tossing the darts and popping the balloons, Jake turned to the attendant. 

“Pick any from that wall,” the attendant sighed, gesturing to a whole bunch of stuffed animals. 

“I’ll take the lion,” Jake decided, causing Dove to pick her head up.

“What?” she breathed out.

The attendant handed Jake the stuffed lion and Jake immediately handed it over to Dove, who stared up at him with wide eyes. Staring down at the lion like she was honestly waiting for it to bite her, Dove just let Jake steer her along with him.

~~~~~

# 40 - Ridden a Fair Ferris Wheel

“I’m not convinced that this would pass a safety inspection,” Dove remarked as the ferris wheel started to ascend.

“You’ll be fine. It’ll take like five minutes and then we’ll move on.” 

“What idea do you have next?” Dove asked Jake curiously.

“I had a couple different ones. Are you hungry or did you want to actually go do something?” 

“Maybe something—” 

Dove gripped the safety bar with a tense grip as the ferris wheel came to a screeching halt. And then she swore that she heard a screw or nail or something clink against the metal frame of the ride. Turning to Jake with wide eyes, Dove tried to not panic.

“Don’t worry. They’re probably just letting more people on,” Jake assured Dove calmly. 

~~~~~

# 41 - Gotten Stuck on a Ferris Wheel

Ten Minutes Later . . . 

“Sorry, folks, but it seems that the ride is having some technical difficulties. We’re working on resolving it as quickly as we can.” 

“You were saying?” Dove hissed to Jake, still with a tight grip on the safety bar. 

“I’m sure that it’ll just be a little bit longer,” Jake replied, though he didn’t look convinced by his own words anymore. He looked over the side and tilted the cart a little bit, causing Dove to tense up. 

“Stop moving! You’re going to tip it!” 

“It’s not that—” 

“—Please, just don’t tip it,” Dove pleaded softly, closing her eyes.

“Are you afraid of heights?” Jake asked quietly, staring at Dove with concern. 

“I’m not afraid of heights. I’m afraid of falling from heights. And that stupid fortune teller said that my life could be in danger and she already got too many other things right and now I’m afraid that I’m going to fucking die falling from this piece of shit ride.” 

“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” 

“Because I thought she was a crackpot and I thought this ride was going to last three minutes.” 

“Have you always been afraid of heights?” 

“Have you always been this bad at knowing basic facts about other people?” Dove snapped back, still with her eyes screwed shut. 

“Maybe,” Jake returned, studying her posture. “Just breathe.” 

“I am breathing.” 

“You know what I mean.” 

“Jake,” Dove warned him.

“Then just keep talking to me. If you’re talking to me, you’re not focused on that.” 

“What the hell am I supposed to talk about?” 

“Anything. I don’t know.” Jake glanced down before turning back to Dove. “I’m starting to realize that we don’t actually know that much about each other.” 

“I know plenty about you,” Dove replied quietly. 

“Like what?” 

“You were born in Austin, Texas. Because you can’t stop fucking talking about Texas. Honestly, I’ve never met someone from Texas who didn’t announce that they were from Texas within fifteen minutes of me meeting them. What the hell is that all about?” 

“Alright, what else do you know?”

“You’re the youngest of four. You have three older sisters. Julia, Jordan, and Jenna. You’re the baby of your family and the only boy. And I didn’t need anything beyond a fifteen second interaction with you to know that, actually.” 

“Harsh,” Jake mumbled. 

“Your mom’s name is Mary and your dad’s name is also Jacob. Your dad runs his own small business and your mom works down at the local school. You have five or six nieces and nephews and you’re the only one that’s not married yet.” 

“How the hell do you know all this stuff?” Jake asked, causing Dove to hiss.

“Because! I! Listen! That thing where people close their mouths and let other people talk!” Gripping the safety bar a little less, Dove added in a softer tone, “You talk about your family all the time. They send you care packages. Of course, I know about them.” 

“Do you know this stuff about everyone on the team?” 

“Are you going to quiz me?” 

“Would that make you feel better?”

“Would that make you feel better?” 

“Alright, fine,” Jake sighed, throwing in the towel with that one. Turning back to Dove and studying her for a moment, he asked softly, “What about you?”

“What about me?” 

“Tell me your story then. You seem to know mine, so it’s only fair.”

“What do you want to know?” 

“Everything.” 

“Everything?” 

“Just something to pass the time and get your mind off of things. I’ll work on my listening skills. You can quiz me afterwards, if it’ll make you feel better.” 

Dove sighed, clearly thinking that this was a stupid idea. But between the fact that she was still stuck in the air and Jake was definitely not going to let it go, she caved. Taking a deep breath, she tried to figure out where to start. 

“I’m the oldest of six.” 

“Six?” 

“Technically, all of my siblings are my half-siblings. Mom’s side. My dad never had any kids after he and my mom got divorced. My mom remarried a month after the papers were signed.” 

“How old were you when they got divorced?” 

“Four when they separated. And six when it was finalized.” After a moment, she added, “And if you even think about using the phrase ‘I’m sorry,’ I will push you off of this ride.” 

“Noted.” 

“I lived with my mom most of my childhood. My dad worked a lot and after my mom got remarried, she was stay-at-home, so it just made sense. But I’m closer with my dad than my mom because my mom . . . she doesn’t do well with people that she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t argue, she just tells you over and over again that she’s right. It wears on you after a while. And we’re just very different people.”

Jake nodded slowly as Dove thought through her next words carefully. 

“I was too shy, too timid to be the daughter that she really wanted. That was my sister Michelle.” 

“Are you close with your siblings?”

“Some of them. Michelle and I don’t get along. She’s my mom’s favorite and everyone, especially her, knows it. I’m the closest with my sister Phoebe. We’re fairly similar. And Brendan, my only brother, insists that I know the latest memes so that I don’t embarrass him. But I’m not too close with my youngest sisters, Nikki and Tillie. They’re twins.” 

Dove opened her eyes and turned back to Jake, her grip noticeably lighter on the safety bar. If Jake noticed that, he didn’t mention it. 

“So, you’re closer with your dad then?”

“Yeah. He’s the chief of his fire station and he’s going to work until he literally cannot physically get out of bed anymore. I tell him to slow down, but he doesn’t listen. And I know that he wouldn’t hesitate to pick up my call and come help me.” Smiling softly, Dove added, “He drove eight hours through the night to be there for my dissertation presentation.” 

“He must be very proud of you,” Jake commented softly, causing Dove to nod.

“Yeah, but he’s always worried about me. He didn’t want me to go into this industry.” 

“Why?” Jake asked, confused. 

“Well, physics isn’t exactly the most welcoming industry for women. And then I started working as a civilian contractor for the Navy and he almost had a heart attack over it.” Dove paused before turning to Jake. “I think that he was also annoyed that I was working with the Navy and not the Air Force.” 

“Your dad was in the Chair Force?” 

“Don’t call it that,” Dove sighed, giving Jake a light nudge. “And yes, he was. It was part of the whole reason why he and my mom got married and had me. Well, technically, he knocked my mom up first and then he married her, but still.” Pointing a threatening finger at Jake, Dove added, “And if you even think about calling me an oopsie baby—” 

“—You’ll push me off the side?” Jake surmised, causing Dove to grin.

“What do you know? You can listen.” 

Two Hours Later . . . 

The sun had set and most of the fair had cleared out. And even though it was southern California, the ocean chill had pushed Dove away from the safety bar and into Jake’s side to keep warm. He rested his arm around her waist to keep her safe and relaxed.

“Favorite . . . non-dairy milk?” Dove suggested, pulling at absolute straws. 

“I only drink real milk,” Jake sighed, staring down at the mechanics working on the ride. 

“But what if you become lactose intolerant?” 

“That doesn’t happen.” 

“It does happen. All the time actually.” 

“What’s yours then?” 

“Oat,” Dove mumbled tiredly, her head resting against his shoulder. 

“I’ll go with oat milk then, I guess.” 

“Have you ever tried it?” 

“No, but I trust your judgment.” 

“Your turn,” Dove reminded him, poking him in the side. 

“Favorite . . . type of french fry?”

“Thin and crispy with a little bit of salt. In-and-Out fries,” Dove stated, just as her stomach started to growl. “If we ever get down from here, I’m going to need a big bucket of french fries. And a drink.” 

“Why stop at one?” Jake mused, causing Dove to smile to herself. 

The ride suddenly jolted and Jake and Dove quickly grabbed onto each other as a reflex. Dove fisted Jake’s shirt and Jake tightened his hold on her waist, pulling her even closer to him. They held their breath and after a moment, the ride started to move again. 

“Holy shit, we’re free,” Dove breathed out, releasing Jake’s shirt. But Jake was a lot slower to release his arm around her waist.

~~~~~

# 42 - Tried Whiskey

After being freed from their mid-air prison, Dove and Jake went out to dinner together at a pub just down the street. And Dove was very content to find that the fries that the pub offered were thin, light, and crispy. And Jake was relieved that they had whiskey. 

“You don’t normally order whiskey,” Dove noted as the waiter walked off with their menus. 

“I only order it if I have a long day,” Jake admitted, taking a sip. Placing the glass down, Jake slid it towards Dove. “You want to try it?” 

“I’ve never had whiskey before.”

“Well, now you definitely should try it.” 

Dove reached out for the glass and took a tentative sip. Jake laughed as she wrinkled her nose and slowly placed it back down, looking like she regretted her decision. 

“I’ll just stick with what I know.” 

~~~~~

# 43 - Made a Toast

“Speech,” Jake joked, causing Dove to smile and reach for her drink. 

“I’d like to make a toast to never going on fair rides ever again and to the fact that I’m very thankful that all of the planes that we work in and around actually have real safety standards,” Dove toasted, lifting up her drink. 

“To safety standards,” Jake agreed, clinking their drinks together. As he set his glass back down, Jake asked, “You want to knock some more ones off the list tomorrow? We came up with plenty of ideas.” 

“Actually, Nat said that she’s taking me out,” Dove stated, picking up some of her french fries. “But I’ll add whatever we do to the list.” 

“Just be careful.” 

Dove snorted. “It’s Nat. I’ll be fine.”

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

[koopageneral]

INANIMATE INSANITY SEASON 2 EPISODE 15 SPOILERS. PLEAASE GO WATCH IT

Omgaaa I need to EXPLODE cuz of Taco’s Tirade. Gonna go on a rant analysing it prty much line-by-line so STRAP IN!! (Shout out to everyone who worked on this masterpiece omfg)

It starts off with what might be considered ‘normal’ Taco. Her making fun of the contestants. There is a little bit of hinting at her sympathy towards the contestants, although it’s incredibly shrouded in her mastermind facade. Calling them ‘pathetic’ and comparing them to blindly obedient dogs with ‘how they run to fetch their sticks.’

We get a little bit more with ‘Sure, call me polemic, unsympathetic.’ It shows how shes aware that she’s a problem, although at this point in the song it’s unclear to the audience whether she’s saying it in a way of ‘yeah call me it cuz it’s true, I don’t care.’ Or if it’s ‘call me these things, yeah, but I’m more than that.’

‘Look at me and all you see is the debris of some defective outcast.’ Feels like it’s getting into the meat of the song, and the episode as a whole, of how Taco has realized how she’s pushed everyone away for the sake of the game. The fact she has her arms tucked away during it gives another interesting interpretation, of it actually talking about before her big reveal, and how she was treated differently because she was, in her words, ‘defective.’

‘A frenetic, antithetic (if poetic) iconoclast.’ Frenetic means wild and energetic, probably, again, referring to her season 1 persona. Antithetic means opposite of something, and iconoclast means someone who attacks cherished institutions. This gets into her want to tear this entire show to the ground for the suffering it’s caused everyone.

‘I wont live in the past. I almost won this game once, you know.’ I’m just gonna parrot what @lemonxlimee said cuz they put it pretty succinctly with two words. Taco. Girl.

Then we get to the lines that got me started on this tirade (Pun intended.) ‘History is rearranged just to credit those who win the glory. So reality has changed in the edit when they spin the story.’ AUGH. Her fucking staring down at the hotel made of the money she spent SO HARD and lost SO MUCH to try and get. I. I want to scream about this. I don’t know how to put my thoughts on this line into fucking words.

‘And we choose to feel this pain.’ Going off the last line, Taco, out of almost anyone in the cast, knows how much you have to go through just to get a chance to win, which goes right into the next line.

‘We lose more than we gain.’ She lost Pickle. You might say that she didn’t actually care, but I’m not sure if I believe that. I feel like she might not have at first, and maybe even never when they actually were playing together. But you can’t convince me she doesn’t hate herself for using him on a plan that resulted in nothing. She also lost Mic, and it’s incredibly clear how much that affected her. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and showed her the flaws in this system.

‘I will break this cycle of mistakes unlike all of these snakes whom I call to condemn.’ She is fucking DETERMINED to make everyone see what they’ve sacrificed. She speaks with a level of contempt towards them, yes, but I feel like it’s more her projecting her feelings about the contest onto the contestants.

Then we’ve got MePad being best therapy boy. ‘You are incapable of starting over.’ She wants to be better. But she doesn’t feel worthy.

And then MePad’s slightly naive optimism with ‘I do not know who you lost, but is it not possible to get them back?’ He’s programmed to see the best in everyone. He wants things to work out. He doesn’t see how hard it might be to just make things better after a relationship exclusively built on lies.

This naivete is immediately contrasted by Taco’s all-encompassing pessimism. ‘Clear the slate, start again, do you hear how preposterous that sounds? How do you not comprehend that for someone with my monstrous background, the whole slate has fallen apart.’ To Taco, the bridges between her and Mic or Pickle are nothing but smoldering piles of rubble after all the pain she’s put them through.

This contrast is even more stark with the duet of ‘It’s too late’ and ‘It’s not too late.’ I don’t even know what to say about that, it’s pretty black and white.

For the duet, gonna go one character at a time for simplicity. Starting with Taco.

We see taco’s turmoiled feelings on whether she’s to blame, with ‘It’s not I, it’s they who deigned to play.’ Even after all of this internal conflict and deep personal realizations, there’s still a part of her that wants to cast the blame of the pain she’s caused onto the ones she’s hurt.

Another deflection she throws out is, honestly, probably more fair, if still not great. ‘This game, so cruel and inhumane, base and uncouth.’ This really gets into her main philosophy for the episode. She’s afraid to take responsibility, and pins the blame on the show for pitting everyone against one another. I want to make it clear, her point is incredibly valid. We see during THIS EPISODE how much it turns people against eachother. The challenge is entirely built around making the contestants spill their true feelings about each other, and using that to fuel drama. Suitcase literally has to choose between two people she cares about over who she’s bringing into the finals, pitting Baseball and Knife against eachother. While the show is ‘cruel and inhumane’, I don’t think that should just be a het out of jail free card for Taco. Yes, she did it because she felt there was no other choice to win, but she still did horrible things. She manipulated 2 people into actually believing she cared.

‘They’re too afraid to bear the bed they made, can’t bring themselves to face the awful truth.’ This is pretty much just her saying that the other contestants are too blind to see how much pain they’ve gone through to get to where they are.

NOW. Baby boy therapist, MePad.

‘You’re no menace, Taco, how did they hurt you?’ He agrees with Taco on the grounds of how much pain the contestants go through, but he’s just a little more concerned about the tact needed to show them. He knows that Taco wants to change, but she’s afraid to. He knows how much she wants to apologize to the people she’s hurt. He feels that there has to be something external she’s dealing with to have this level of spite in her, even if there isn’t, and all of her hate is towards herself.

‘Please think this through’ is pretty self explanatory. As I said, he agrees with Taco about her basic ideals, but feels like there are better ways to deal with the issue.

‘Feeling double crossed is part of dealing with the loss, yes, but the healing is a process, that’s the truth.’ He wants to see Taco get better, and he’s trying to get through to her about the fact that her feelings are entirely valid, but she has to, at some point, let go.

I also feel like the sound mixing is very purposeful. Taco’s voice rings through clearly, able to be heard without much difficulty. MePad’s vocals are softer, and a little quieter and harder to make out. Taco is so in her own head about the pain she’s gone through, she refuses to listen to any outside voice.

Then we get to Taco trying her best to cover up her emotions again and put on her mastermind persona with ‘I’m turning up the heat to sauté, I’ve some beef to get grilled. But I guarantee that today all the beans that get spilled won’t be mine.’ I love how this foreshadows the challenge, but doesn’t make it obvious.

We see one last crack in her facade in the penultimate ‘I’m fine.’ Again, the ‘mistake’ in this line feels incredibly purposeful. It’s incredibly pitchy and bad, to an almost ear-splitting level. Taco knows she isn’t actually okay at ALL, and has trouble telling such a blatant lie.

And then the last line, ‘now it’s time’, is her fully donning the mask once again, ready to expose the show for what it is.

ANYWAY. Uh. Thanks for reading all this bs. I fucking love this song so much, and I think Taco’s motivation in this episode is fascinating. Any comments or constructive criticism of my analysis is MORE than appreciated, hope you all have a wonderful day/night/whenever.

[jazjelspen]

jazjel’s masterlist

everything written by jazjel and their pen so far!

about the author

[P.S!!!! If there’s a series that you want to keep in touch with and know when each part comes out, please let me know in messages or in the comments that you want to be tagged!

You will only be tagged once, unless specified that you want to be tagged in all upcoming parts of a particular series.]

[currently not taking requests right now, will open very soon tho! >.<]

CHAPTER 1: Twisted Wonderland

CHAPTER 2: Spider-verse (ATSV)

CHAPTER 3: Hazbin Hotel

CHAPTER 4: PERSONA 5: Royal (pending..)

CHAPTER 5: CREEPYPASTA

——————————————————

bonus: original works/ocs

artwall: personal drawings!

———————————————————

[CHAPTER 1]

Twisted Wonderland

“we’ll show you a real happy ending.”

-Heartslabyul(none yet)

-Savannaclaw(none yet)

-Octovinelle(none yet)

-Scarabia(none yet)

-Pomefiore(none yet)

-Ignihyde

and so they lived happily ever after(idia)

-Diasomnia

breaking up with the prince of briar valley(malleus)

the world we knew(malleus)

————————————-

series/various

leaving on wild charted waters (story/various) (songs recommended to listen for this series: White Tea - Rozie Ramati, Ex-Girlfriend - No Doubt)

-part 1

-part 2

-part 3

-part 4

-part 5

-part 6

-part 7

-…….

-…….

-…….

the domestic life (various)

-part 1

-part 2

——————————————-

[CHAPTER 2]

SPIDER-VERSE

“anyone can be under the mask.”

-miles morales(not yet)

-gwen stacey(not yet)

-hobie brown(not yet)

-pavitr prabhakar(not yet)

-miguel o’hara

amor eterno (daughter reader/series)

amor eterno [parte 2](daughter reader/series)

—————————————————

[CHAPTER 3]

HAZBIN HOTEL

“now that’s the spirit! you’re in hell you delinquent fuck!”

-charlie morningstar(not yet) -vaggie(not yet) -angel dust(not yet) -husk(not yet) -nifty(not yet)(will mostly be platonic) -alastor when memories snow (x overlord reader)

devil’s spawn (angel alastor/radio demon daughter reader platonic) -sir pentious(not yet) -vox(not yet) -lucifer morningstar(not yet)

----------------------------------------------

series/various

my angel baby

-part 1

-part 2

-part 3

-part 4

-part 5

-part 6

……

……

……

scarlet and silver lining(story)

-epilogue

-part 1

-…

--------------------------------------------------------

original works/ocs

twst oc: Evan Bleu: a normal day for the blue fairy

artwall

my angel baby: author’s interpretation

my angel baby: school drabbles

[luna-andra]

Late Night Hotline | Sub!Konig x Reader | Part 2

Summary: Konig finds himself getting off to his Lieutenant's voice over the phone, and he can't get enough of her as he goes back for more.

C/W: 18+ MDNI, SMUT HEAVY, cunnilingus, fingering, collared sub, willing sub, praises, degradation, multiple orgasms, over stimulation, orgasm denial

Word Count: ~4k

A/N: I threw out the first attempt of me writing this part so I'm so sorry it took longer than I anticipated. I'm so much happier with this final edit, and I hope you are too! Gotta keep y'all fed <3

Enjoy~

Part 1

It didn’t matter what inflection or tone her voice carried; he could hear another version of her in the recesses of his mind. Moaning his name, whispering things that bounced back and forth from sweet praises to filthy degradation. It was at the most inconvenient moments, when she was presenting her reports during the current briefing, for example. When she was focused and neutral, paying no mind to how he undressed her with his eyes. If anything, she was better behaved than he was. At least from what he could see on the outside.

Then he discovered what went on behind her practiced persona. More like what she premeditated to transpire. His phone vibrated in his pocket, alerting him to a text message from Tempest.

Enjoying the view while you sit back there, trying to conceal your raging hard-on?

His eyes snapped back up, wide as saucers. They shifted cautiously, checking to make sure no one had seen him. Everyone else was too focused on Tempest, some of them looking too hard at her. It would warrant a cold glare from Konig if he wasn’t shocked by her message. Did she set them to send before the meeting started? He recalled her tapping away on the screen, the phone sitting in her lap while she waited for everyone to file in. And right now, she was still deep in her report, her phone tucked away in her back pocket of her ACU bottoms. Her face didn’t give away a hint of awareness that Konig received the first message. A deadly poker face, it almost scared him as much as it kept him aroused. 

Another vibration from his phone. He shifted nervously, preparing him for what was gonna pop up on the screen.

Wonder if you could sit still after seeing this…

A second message popped up shortly after, a file downloading. Scheiße…

The file was an image, her blackout silhouette posing in a doorway. Emanating a deep red glow of her surroundings. There was no way she was wearing any clothes in that boudoir-style picture. Konig could see the peaks and valleys of her entire figure. The pose did miracles for her silhouette, accentuating her perfection. She was leaning against the threshold with her back bowed, a lone foot providing support against the same surface, and a hand brushing back her wild, undone hair.

He had to shove the phone back in his pocket immediately. His lower lip was going to be a victim to the sharp bite of his teeth, definitely bruised and on the brink of breaking skin. It was all he could do to hold back any and every reaction those photos roiled within him. It was also the first time Tempest had ever sent risqué photos to him.

That little minx… she had him struggling to adjust without drawing attention to himself. Fuck, the seam of his pants was ready to tear against the strain of his cock beneath. He was aware that even soft he had a noticeable outline in some of his pants. And unfortunately for him, he chose the wrong pair today. He just hoped that his leak didn’t stain past his boxers.

“You alright?” A whisper came from Horangi. “You looked pissed.”

Konig glanced at him with a side eye, thankful that he’s unable to see anything else but the intensity in his azure eyes. “Ja, fine.” His answer contrasted the short, gruff tone in his voice. Horangi gave him one last questioning glance before he dropped it.

Tempest must have heard the two of them conversing. Her sharp eyes flicked to the back of the room, immediately locking onto Konig. It interrupted nothing she was presenting, just a fleeting moment of attention that made his cock twitch. If he didn’t get himself under control, he was gonna go insane.

“What of the weapons cache that was confiscated from the warehouse?” Ghost’s interruption jerked Konig back to reality like a cold splash of water.

Tempest shifted her stance to the other leg. Konig swore the room dropped a few degrees in between the pause she took to answer. “Accounted for, Lieutenant. It was my next topic of discussion.”

“Could’ve brought it up sooner, eh?” 

The twitch in her eyebrow disagreed with him strongly, maliciously. Their stand-offish aggression towards each other started not even ten minutes after Task Force 141 arrived to conduct a joint effort mission. Ironically enough, it was Tempest that conducted the eleventh-hour meeting with KorTac to announce their temporary stay. Konig recalled her words being:

For the next month, Task Force 141 will be roaming on our base. I will only say this once, no fighting. 141 will be treated as respected guests, these halls will be their home while they are here. No fighting. No. Fucking. Fighting!

141 arrived, Ghost and Tempest were immediately on rocky terms when he made the choice to disregard her presence and careful welcome. 

For the sake of maintaining professionalism and taking the high ground, Tempest took the retort, a relieving surprise for everyone else in the briefing room, letting it roll off her tense shoulder. “You’re right, Ghost.”

It was like everyone released the breath they were holding simultaneously. The volatile hostility had distracted Konig from his uncomfortable situation. He eased back into his chair, listening to Tempest close out the report. Konig had a big issue with Ghost. If there was an opportunity to put him in his place, Konig would seize it like a prisoner of war. The unhinged, sadistic part of him that comes out on the field whispers ways it could be done, leaving him for the wolves to feed on Ghost’s incapacitated body as he brings Tempest a trophy, that stupid skull mask, as a gesture of his devotion. He was stable enough to control his bloodlust, but there just may be a moment when they cross paths, and only one might come back alive.

Once dismissal was given by Konig, everyone filed out of the briefing room. He lingered behind to wait for Tempest to gather her paperwork, shuffling it into the leather portfolio. She wiped her face with one hand, an attempt to diffuse the anger Ghost had stirred up.

“I’m gonna snap, Colonel.” Tempest gritted between her teeth. “He’s insufferable.”

Konig leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. “You kept it together, schatzi. I thought you were going to bite his head off right then and there.” The feeling was mutual.

Tempest scoffed, a smirk growing on her face. “And what message would that send to everyone else after saying ‘no fighting’?” She tucked the portfolio under her arm and faced Konig. Rather than making room for Tempest to walk pass, Konig straightened up, his chin dipping to look at her more directly. He could see the shift in her eyes from irritation to confusion.

“Speaking of messages, you want to explain yourself?” Konig was asking as her Colonel, at least his voice reflected that. In reality, he was a few more heartbeats away from folding to her all over again.

Clarity cleared up the puzzling glint in her gaze, and her voice lowered to a level that made his legs turn to lead. “You really want to talk about that right here, right now? We can talk about how I can have you so fucking strung out, leaving you pent up without release for a whole fucking week, huh?”

To anyone passing by the briefing room, Tempest looked like a subordinate expressing her grievances that could be connected to Ghost’s temperament and lack of respect. Not a single trace of the debauchery she was making out of Konig. Her resolve was crafted - no, stronger than carbon fiber, her words sinking deep into his bloodstream like venom. 

Her eyebrows raised after a pause passed when she didn’t get an answer from him. “At a loss for words, Colonel?” The added bite to his rank could rip through his jugular. “I left something on your desk. Maybe when you see it we can discuss this further.” The faintest smirk passed her mouth, and she stormed her way past Konig to leave the room.

Konig let out the breath that was caught in his throat since she started talking. His fist slammed on the nearby table when his pants became uncomfortably tight again.

----

The door clicked behind him as the sight of a black gift box greeted him, sitting perfectly on top of scattered files and loose papers across his desk. It was wider in dimension than its height, no larger than what could be a personal box of chocolates. After rounding the desk, Konig took a seat in his leather chair. He lifted the lid and set it aside, revealing a second box, but this one had a soft, velvet surface. Jewelry? No.

His deft fingers opened the top, its hinges giving some resistance. Inside sat a sleek, black collar with a metal ring adorned front and center, sitting on a bed of dark, red satin. Mein Gott… Konig’s eyes bugged, his fingers whispered against the high-quality leather. In the center of the collar was nestled a small card with scripted words, reading “If it goes on, there’s no turning back ♥” Konig was well aware of what this meant for him. Put the collar on, and he was hers. 

He already declared himself to be hers after the second time, the sober time they had phone sex, but this would be the physical affirmation that would seal the deal. If it weren’t for the fact that he wore the makeshift sniper hood, concealing both face and neck, he wouldn’t have even bothered taking the collar out of its pretty display case. She must have taken that into consideration when she picked it out. It was extremely arousing, the idea of having this dirty little secret with a physical memento. Going completely undetected. They could be amongst all of KorTac, and only two people would be aware of the collar’s presence.

The metal ring made a soft clink against its hardware as he pulled it from the satin bed, and he lifted the hood enough to bring the collar around his neck. Why did it fit so perfectly? How did she get the dimensions down so well? It fit snug, pressed flush against the column of his throat. It would take some time getting used to, he’s never worn something of the sort. The fabric of the sniper hood fell over it, and Konig tucked away the box in one of the drawers of his desk. The inner lining of the leather was soft and when it rubbed against him, he let out a soft sigh. I’m hers…

“I’ll take it you got my gift.”

Konig’s attention shot up to his unexpected visitor across the room, he didn’t even hear the sound of the door opening and closing. Tempest. He went mouse silent. Her small boots thumped against the floor as she stepped forward to the front of his desk, leaning into it. Her face was still serious like the last time she saw her a few hours ago. Without answering, he flipped up one side of his hood to reveal the hardware hugging his neck. There was a glimmer in her dark eyes, like a furnace was turned on and was stoked with every piece of coal you could find.  

She finally smiled, wide and proud of his decision. “It looks so nice around that pretty neck…” her fingers traced along the edge of the cheap oak desk, and she made her way around. Konig’s chair swiveled to face her when she stopped in front of him, his heart already racing, and his breath labored. She knows exactly what that lethal inflection does to him, using it like the weapon that will be his demise. With Konig seated, he was at eye-level with Tempest, giving her access to use a hand to trail up his chest. The ghost of her touch had his body shuddering, he was ready to let out a throaty whine. He’s been so fucking touch-starved, it was enough to bring to life the entire network of his nerve endings. Her hand reached beneath Konig’s hood, looping a finger through the metal ring. “Perfect for me to just…” she gave a hard tug, and his body jerked towards her. Tempest leaned in, giving herself leverage on the armrest with her other hand. Her lips pressed close to his burning ear. “You like being my pet so much that you’ll wear that pretty little collar?”

Words disintegrated on his tongue, but when all he managed to do was nod, her demanding grip on his face pulled him out of his stupor. “Yes, my liebling.” He was crumbling to her will faster now that this was all happening face-to-face rather than over the phone. Her touch was flames licking at his stubbled jaw. Konig took a second to close his eyes shut only to look back at her with his baby blue stare.

“Look at those sweet puppy dog eyes.” Tempest cooed sardonically. “Already this hard just from my hand holding your face?” Her eyes darted down to look at the front of his pants at the tent he was pitching. She added to the stimulation with her thumb brushing over his stubble. “I’m gonna put that strong jaw to use.” Tempest released her hold on him and scooted in the space between Konig’s desk and chair. He paid close attention to her movements, following her again with a squeak of his chair turning.

Konig couldn’t pry his eyes away from Tempest if he wanted to. He watched her hoist herself up onto the edge of the desk, wiggling her hips to make herself comfortable in the space free of paperwork clutter. Apprehension and panic made his heart race when he noticed Tempest reaching to undo her belt, connecting the pieces of what she alluded to. “Right here?” A quick glance at the door to his office signified that she locked the door when she first came in. Still, the possibility of someone coming looking for Konig had him on edge. But wholly fuck, it was erotic. 

“You wanted to talk about my messages so badly earlier, and I’m gonna give you a chance to tell me what went through your head.” The fly of her pants was already down, and her lithe fingers slipped into the waistband of her pants to sit there.

Tempest was interrupted by Konig reaching down for her foot. “Here, engel.” He lifted one foot to rest on his knee, unlacing her boots with care to slip it off and set it to the side. His massive hands did the same as the other while Konig peeked up to her face, gauging her reaction. Konig thirsted for the slightest bit of delight from his domme. Her onyx eyes burned into him like a cigarette bud singing his skin, impatiently waiting for him to get on with it.

“I couldn’t chance another second of looking at that body of yours,” Konig muttered. “I didn’t want to know what it was like to come without touching myself.”

Hearing this brought her cruel pleasure, twisting that wicked smile wider. “It might just happen for you, sir.” Her hands began to shove off her bottoms, underwear and all. Konig assisted her, the act itself feeling extremely intimate. He did it mostly to avoid making direct eye contact with the thing he desired most right now. To avoid jeopardizing his chances of having any release from all of this. Tempest closed her legs off by crossing one over the other. “Keep talking.”

Konig bit down on his lip as he could see a tuft of groomed hair at the apex of her thighs. “My thoughts paled in comparison to seeing the real deal,” his German accent thickened as he went on. “Could see the outline of your nipples… the shape of your bare ass.” All thoughts ceased when her legs parted, the display of her glistening pussy left him open-mouthed. Paled in fucking comparison was the understatement of the year. His hips bucked once in his chair, hands gripping on the armrests so hard the leather groaned in his strong hold. Someone would have to stab his eyes out to make him look away from that beauty-

“Eyes up here.”

He let out a pained whine, willing himself to make eye contact with her. Fuck, he could already smell her from where he sat, it brought him to the brink of drooling like a wild animal. “Let me taste you, mein hase. Please, I need to have you.”

“Already this needy, after all the waiting you’ve done. Going the past couple of weeks with nothing but my voice and those looks you give me in the weight room? Don’t look at me like that, I know you look.” Tempest readied two of her fingers with a swipe in her mouth, not like she fucking needed it. Her greedy pussy swallowed up both digits as her strokes moved in and out of her at a languid speed. Her neck rolled back as she let out a soft sigh, the small part in her lips going very noticed by Konig as he coded every look, every sound and scent into his very soul. 

“I do, I have watched you.” Konig confessed. “I’ll make you feel good, liebe. Please, I need you.” It was taking everything to not lunge at her and claim that pretty cunt with his tongue, his fingers, anything she desired.

Her fingers left her pussy neglected, poor thing. Konig caught the sheen of her arousal coating her fingers, webbing between her fingers when she spread them just enough. Instead of offering it up to him, she sucked on her own fingers, eyes rolling back in her skull. This was pure torture at this point. His cock was strangled in his pants, and he wasn’t about to touch himself when he was so close to having what he needed. Her fingers left her mouth with a gentle smack as she shifted her hips a little more forward. “Finish the job.”

Tempest couldn’t finish her command without Konig lurching forward like a starved predator. He lifted his hood just enough for his mouth to latch onto his target while his rough, calloused hands reached underneath her to cup her perfect ass. The tug had a sharp gasp coming from her when he pulled Tempest closer to him, her hips hanging off the ledge with the assist of Konig holding her in place. One of her legs fell limp to the side, so he pulled a hand away from her just to toss that lazy leg over his shoulder, giving her better leverage.

His growl was primal, almost demonic. Vibrating against her sex. Konig swiped his tongue from the bottom of her entrance, all the way up just below her clit. Tempest choked back a moan, clenching it tight in her throat to keep it from echoing in the room. The sound coming from Konig was a warning for her to give him every cry and moan, he wanted to hear it all the same way she ordered him so many times before. When she tilted her head down to meet his feral stare, the half-lidded, eyebrow furrowed expression she gave him had the cum shooting up his shaft dangerously quick. 

Konig had to close his eyes and breathe to calm himself down as his tongue continued exploring her divine taste. He was drunk on it all, the taste, the way her body twitched and squirmed at every flick of his tongue, the privilege of pleasing his domme, the look she had just given him. What he would give to make her stay like this, splayed out on his desk for him to take. 

After teasing her with a few laps up and down her slit, he moved on to circle his tongue on the neglected bundle of nerves, rolling it between his lips with a nibble. It made her squeal, something Konig had never heard from her. “Fuck, wait…” now she was the babbling mess at his mercy. “Too good~” Her small hand gripped onto the back of his head, scrunching up the fabric of his mask.

He wasn’t stopping now, not after the teasing she has been doing to him all this time. Konig wanted her trembling, quaking on his tongue. To show her what she’s been holding out on, make her regret it. To melt any and all thoughts floating around in that pretty head, his name being the only thing she will remember. “Too much for you to handle, pretty baby?”

“Shut up, almost there.” Tempest mewled as her hips started rutting into his assault on her clit. Konig didn’t need a warning of her impending climax, he could hear it in the crescendo of her moans. His hair was now tangled beneath the stranglehold she had on him. The sound of his name falling from her lips endlessly was a whole entire music score dedicated just to him. He kept the pace strong and steady, fueled by the need to make her come undone.

And that came sooner than anticipated. Her thighs squeezed the sides of his head as she writhed and bucked against his face. She tried scooting away from him, but it gave him the angle to pin her hips down, freeing his hands to add to the mix. Cries and screams pierced the air, a cacophony of stuttering breaths and whimpers of overstimulation. His tongue may have eased up on its ministrations, but he kissed the overworked nerve, open mouthed and lazily. “Mein perle…” Konig whispered against her sex, as if speaking to her pussy rather than her. A single digit lined up with the entrance of her weeping cunt, she was more than ready to take his thick fingers. “One more, liebling. Give me one more.” 

“Ohh…” Tempest’s back arched off the desk as Konig offered her his finger, her walls greedily sucking him in as she continued to pulsate from her first orgasm. “Konig...!” Oh, how he loved hearing her squeal his name. 

“You can take it, for me.” It wasn’t an order; it was a plea to let him break her apart one more time. He wanted to be the only thing on her mind as she fell asleep tonight, his name falling from those perfect lips in the dead of her slumber. Because he sure as hell was going to be dreaming of the way her face contorts and twists in blissful agony as she begs for him to ease up on her swollen pussy.

She was already tensing up for another, Konig could feel it in the way her body responded to his finger curling against that spot. “That’s it, come for me.”

Tempest did just that, convulsing and sobbing through each shockwave that racked her body. Konig pulled his mouth and finger away, knowing she was sensitive as hell from what he just put her through. He slid a hand behind her lower back and neck, lifting her from the desk and onto his lap to straddle him. She continued to tremble through the high, her hot breath against his neck as her arms found their way around his torso. 

Konig wanted to stay like this with her, forgetting everything else that happened outside his office. It didn’t matter. None of it. He rubbed her back as she started to settle down. “How was that schatz?”

A pleased hum was her response before she sat up to move his mask away to reveal his lips. “Need to taste.” She leaned in for a forceful kiss, her tongue slipping past his lips, groaning at the perfect mixture of his saliva and her arousal. As if she couldn’t get any hotter.

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Back in Time P.1 ⏳| Agent K/MIB Imagine

An AU of MiB—takes place during MIB3

Part 2 | my masterlists

Characters & Pairings: Agent K x MiB agent!reader (romantic)

Content warnings: fluff, profanity, angst, mentions of death, violence, age gape (read the note below), cannon divergence, suggestive themes, shitty realities women & queer had to go through in the 60s, friends/strangers-to-lovers | female!reader (she/her) | wc 9.3k

Premise: The universe was full of secrets. Y/I learned that in 1997 when she signed her name on the dotted line, swearing her life to MiB with the promise to protect all life: humans and visitors alike. But her world flips upside down in 2012, when the secrets her longtime partner K come knocking at their door. Leading Agent Y/I to go on a wild goose chase to 1969 and employ a young K to stop a madman from killing him...but he doesn't know that just yet.

Note: disclaimer I do not own MiB or the characters mentioned, This is fanfic for fun and while most of the scenes are from the MiB movies I did change most of the dialogue for Y/I. ALSO here is the whole age-gap thing: K was born in 1940, reader born in 1964--24 yr age gap (I know I said I’d never do large age gaps more than 10+ years but this is one exception.) In 1997 K is 57, reader is 33. In 2002 K is 62, reader is 38. In 2012 K is 72, reader is 48. In 1969 K is 29, reader is 48, young reader is 5. Your Initial = Y/I, Y/h/c = your hair color, y/e/c = your eye color. In the movie Boris killed on July 15th, 1969, changed this to July 11th 1969.

Y/I = Your First Initial. Y/h/c = Your Hair Color

————————

2012

The last thing Y/I expected when she woke up that morning and headed into HQ was she’d be the only one to remember her grumpy, always serious, and sometimes melodramatic partner, Agent K. The man who showed her there was more than what meets the eyes in the stars of the night sky. A shooting star? More like the source of a new arrival. As humans were not the only ones to call Earth their home.

Aliens walked among them.

Y/I remembered it like it was yesterday. One minute she’s chasing a culprit in New York as Detective Y/n L/n of the NYPD, the next she’s being fitted in a black suit, identity wiped across all government systems, donning only her initial, Y/I. From there her life turned a complete 180.

Over the course of their 15-year partnership there was never a dull moment. Well 10 years actually when you count the fact the first five years of Y/I career was without K. They’d safely captured the galaxy and disposed of the bug in 1997, her first job after K recruited her. Then he goes saying he wants to retire and orders Y/I to nueralize him. The next five years Y/I went through partners like clockwork. Unable to connect to one like K and neuralzing them left and right.

It just wasn’t the right fit. Which confused the woman greatly because they had literally been partners for a week. Surely anyone else could fit the role. But for some reason Y/I butted heads with everyone Zed set her up with.

Then in 2002 all leads at finding the Light of Zartha points back to K, causing Y/I to recruit him back to MIB and remind him of the life he once had. Of course the task was better said than done. K was as stubborn and cynical even without his MIB persona, believing to have been in a coma for 35 years.

Y/I wanted to strangle him the second he got his memory back. Furious to discover the bastard had neuralized himself so he’d forget where he put the Light of Zartha. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

Of course K had a plan. He always did. Which was annoying for the young agent since he hardly ran his ideas past her before going through with them. Honestly Y/I believed K was betting on luck half the time.

But who was she to complain when it always worked in their favor.

The most downright awkward moment between the two happened during their high speed chase trying to get Serleena off their trail. K, forgetting he’d been away from MIB for five years and that the cars were newly modeled, pressed the red button causing them to go into hypersonic mode. And Laura, who Y/I had been casually seeing over the course of the investigation and had grown rather affectionate of the beautiful woman, got to witness it all from the backseat.

“Okay here we go automatic pilot,” K fiddled with the controller resembling one that belonged to a playstation before pressing a button, prompting a decoy to pop out in front of K. Unfortunately, a decoy was all it was. Not taking control of the ship at all causing K to lean over with annoyance plastered on his face. “It is not automatic pilot.”

“He doesn’t operate at hyperspeed,” Y/n’s gave an ‘I told you so,’ face.

“I could really use a steering wheel!”

“Tough luck we don’t have a steering wheel! This is what we got,” her hand gestured to control, reaching over to press the button removing the decoy. K threw his hands up in defeat. Y/I huffed, “didn’t your mother ever get you a GameBoy?”

“What is a GameBoy?!”

Sweet Jesus she couldn’t believe it. What’s a GameBoy? Did this man live under a rock? She was going to have to change that. Bringing her finger up in a stern point, Y/I ordered the man, “You know what, move.” K’s jaw dropped in a ‘O’. “Move!”

And before either had the time to process, Y/I lifted herself off the seat, swung her leg over and straddled K. His eyes practically bulged out of his head, hands going to her hips. The action made her jolt forward, yelping as her thighs pressed against his and feeling something brush against her groin. They both froze, eyes locking as Y/I heard K gulp.

Oh. Fire ignited in the agent. Migrating all the way to her face she prayed didn’t show. K was packing.

Instantly she leaned against the door, pushing the man to get the hint and he quickly ushered himself over the middle console. Face red like a tomato. When they both got situated the car was completely silent. K adjusting his tie while Y/I took hold of the joystick and cleared her throat.

“Alright then.”

Luckily, for her sanity, everything worked out. Serleena indisposed, New York saved once again from a homicidal maniac, and Y/I got her partner back. Only downside was having to say goodbye to Laura, who’d been revealed to be the long lost princess and, quite literally, the Light of Zartha. K was kind enough to give Y/I and Laura a moment to say goodbye. And when a lone tear fell from Y/I’s eyes watching the spaceship ascend to the skies, K was there with a tissue and comforting hand.

They never talked about that moment in the car. And frankly Y/I wanted to erase the memory of her mounting K while at Hyperspeed from her mind. Even half tempted to neuralize herself. But as much as it mortified her, Y/I felt a bit giddy. A bit of her ego boosted at making K speechless….and a bit more.

Her mind quickly shot that down. Remembering this man was her partner--who she went to extreme lengths for to get back--her superior once K got settled back at MIB, and the tiny fact he was a whole generation older than her. Literally. When she did the math it was almost 25 years between them.

Now Y/I had nothing against older men. She loved a silver fox as much as any other, and honestly preferred them to guys younger than her. At the bars she drew them in like wildfire. Never having to pay for her drinks. Then when she was 25 still a detective Y/I had a two year relationship with a man 12 years her senior.

But this was K. They’d really only known each other for maybe a week during that whole bug debacle before the shit with Serleena. It would be highly unprofessional.

Though she can’t lie. The man looked good in his 60s.

Ten years later the two were MIB’s best duo when it came to handling extraterrestrial business and keeping the world safe from unwanted visitors. Y/I with her charm and K with his quick wit, they were unstoppable.

“Don’t worry, K, you can sit this one out,” she’d tease, adjusting the cuffs of her suit with a confident smile. “I got this.”

He’d match her grin, “sure you do, slick.” Then he’d start walking and get right to work leaving her behind.

“Are you ever going to let me drive?”

“Maybe next year.”

“You said that last year, K.”

“I did?” his feigned confusion with a shrug, “Hmm don’t recall.” Like always, he was met with her groan, hearing her head fall back against the seat in defeat.

“I’ll have you know I’m an excellent driver, K.”

He chuckled under his breath, casting a brief glance, “Don’t doubt it, sweetheart, now call Zed and let him know we’re on the way back.”

What could go wrong? Apparently everything.

They’d been on a job the previous night. Investigating Wu’s following suspicious activity and K wasn’t acting like his usual self. On edge, behaving in ways Y/I kept wondering what had crawled up his ass.Then all hell broke loose causing them to lose each other at one point. When Y/I finally made it to the roof, out of breath and in desperate need of a drink, she discovered K wasn’t alone. Greeted with an alien named Boris the Animal.

And he was not the happy camper. In fact, he broke out of prison just to hunt K down.

Later on K vaguely explained the history between him and Boris. “I should’ve killed him,” were his exact words, surprising the agent. She’d always known K to be the man to see all life as precious. He’d take the risk in apprehending a suspect rather than putting them down. Boris, however, did not fall under that.

The night ended with K pulling a play out of left field by suspending Y/I for four weeks when she refused to let go of not pursuing Boris. Who’s arrival shook K to his core. Quite literally. And when he called her that night to say, “you know what the most destructive force in the universe is?”

“Sugar,” Y/I sarcastically replied, not really in the mood.

“Regret.”

She went silent for a moment, “You don’t have to wait. Just talk.”

“I promised you the secrets of the universe nothing more,” K reminded her, making the woman roll her eyes in frustration.

“So what, K? There’s secrets out there the universe doesn’t know about? How can we be partners if you can’t even trust me?” When he didn’t answer, Y/I had enough and hung up. Unaware the man on the other end was holding himself together. So desperately wishing he could tell her the truth. The whole truth.

Falling asleep not long later, Y/n woke the next morning like any other day. Completed her morning routine, whipped up some breakfast and nursed a cup of chocolate milk. Something she hadn’t had since grade school but got the sudden crave for. Slicked back her mix match hair into a tidy bun, gave one last look in the mirror to make sure her suit was nice and tidy before heading out the door.

The entire journey to headquarters felt weird. Unexplainable really. A dreaded feeling in Y/I’s chest on the verge of making her physically sick. But what was it?

When she arrived at HQ Y/I was greeted in the elevator by a man she didn’t recognize, but somehow knew her. Saying he was Agent AA and they’d been partners for a while sending Y/I into a frenzy, “I have no idea who you are, and we are certainly not partners. Where’s K?”

“Who’s K?”

“Who’s K?” she repeated, making him flinch by her sudden shout. “You know who I’m talking about. K! Agent K--the best MIB has ever seen. He’s my partner--My K!” Y/I pushed based AA to frantically search for K. Anxiety rose each time she asked a passing agent where he was and they said they had no clue who she was talking about. “K!” she kept calling for him, saying how it wasn’t funny to be playing a prank on her after their argument last night. But with each second Y/I was becoming scared. Circling in the middle of HQ until she finally broke with a pained scream that echoed through the building, “Kaaayy!!!”

It was then O dragged Y/I to her office, stating she was in charge of MIB….and that Agent K had been dead since 1969.

“Okay, you’ve got it all wrong,” Y/I chuckled to avoid having a mental breakdown right there. She was beginning to hyperventilate, struggling to process the buffoonery. There’s no way in hell K was dead. And that he had been for 40+ years. “K is not---what-whatever joke this is needs to stop--.”

“This isn’t a joke, Agent Y/I--.”

“K can’t be dead! That is impossible--I-I just did a job with him last night. We were on the phone before I went to bed. This is insane!! I am not crazy!!” Y/I leaned back in her chair, apologizing for the outburst when she saw how O was staring at her. “I’m sorry, O. That was out of line. But, O please,” she stood up, pleading with her eyes. “You have to understand that this--.” she gestured to the vicinity, “was not my reality yesterday. Something happened to K in the last twelve hours and we need to get to the bottom of it.”

There were a lot of things Y/I accepted in life. Her father left when she was five. Her family kicked her out at 18 when they caught her with a girl. Ex boyfriend cheating on her because her detective job had her working long night shifts. Blockbuster closing down. The Mets losing the World Series year after year. Pepsi replacing Coca-Cola in the MIB vending machines.

But a world without K? Y/I refused to accept it.

So that’s how she found herself at the top of a skyscraper about to make a time jump into 1969. Jeffrey, the store clerk she tracked down who gave Boris the means to travel back in time, followed behind her.

“Okay, you know the rules of time jumps, right?”

Y/I wobbled on her heels, doing her best to not look down. The wind blew in her face, “give me the short version.”

“Okay. You want to save your partner, word of advice: stay away from him.”

“Yeah got it,” Y/I nodded, making a motion with her hand. “Stay away from K just kill Boris.”

“Now,” Jeffrey handed her a pair of goggles. “Take these because it gets pretty windy on the way down.” Y/I spluttered a sound.

“The way down?!”

Jeffrey either doesn’t register the dumbfounded expression plastered on her or chooses to ignore it. “With your eyes tearing up it’s hard to read the time dial plus,” he offers a smile, “it helps you look like a real time traveler. Which is cool.” Her face never changed.

“There’s no way in hell I am jumping off of this building!”

“Time. Jump,” his face reads, ‘what did you think it meant?’ Y/I just gulps, peering out into the distance. Contemplating her life choices. Meanwhile Jeffrey pulls out the time dial, “Okay now I gotta set this thing to the 11th. Uhhh,” his fingers work over the device. Setting it to July 11th, 1969. “That seems right….ish.”

Y/I lifted her head to stare at him, “I’m gonna need that to be on the money, Jeffrey. Time is at stake here. Literally.”

“Now, all you gotta do…is jump,” passing the dial, he gives her a light push on the back, making her stumble and go, “hey-hey, stop. I don’t need to fall to my death before you finish telling me what I’m supposed to be doing.” Slowly itching herself to the edge, Jeffrey explained the final steps.

“Now as soon as you’re moving fast enough that circle is going to fill up with some sort of green time travel liquid or some such and it’s going to glow really bright--” Y/I cursed when she nearly slipped, catching her hand on the smooth surface. ‘God, I shouldn't have chosen today to wear my heels.’

“As soon as that happens you need to break that blue laser line with your thumb to complete the circuit,” Jeffrey scans their view. “At this height that should be uhhh…let’s see massive Earth and 30 something feet per minute uh--.”

The fear of jumping off a building combined with the stress of failing to save K, Y/I felt the pressure break. “It’s 32 feet per second per second.”

“That sounds right--ish,” Y/I mentally groaned at his lack of confidence. “So that would be, I guess uh, about two feet off the ground.”

“Then I break the laser line?”

“No, don't break it!”

“I mean when I’m fast enough,” Y/I reiterates and receives a thumbs up.

“Sounds good.” Well that didn't help her at all.

“So do I break the laser line or do I not break the laser line?”

“Do not lose that time device,” Jeffrey warns, making the woman sigh and accept she’s going to have to wing it and pray she lives to tell. “Or you will be stuck in 1969.” He didn’t have to say anything else for Y/I to understand. She was going to be a fish out of water.

Was it too late to change her clothes and dye her hair?

“How will I know if it works?” She asked, stomach dropping at the sight of spaceships entering the atmosphere. The Boglodite invasion had begun.

“You’ll either know…or you won’t.”

“Fucking A,” Y/I pulled the goggles over her head. They were tight against her skin, but she was able to at least breathe.

Before he left, Jeffrey had one last thing to say. And it really put into perspective how important K was to Y/I. “You must really love this guy to do this.”

“Yeah,” she muttered under her breath, tightness in her chest while heat flooded her veins. “I guess I do.” She brushed the intense feeling as platonic love for K. Their partnership had lasted 10 years. He was more than just a colleague, he was her best friend. Turning back to Jeffrey before he could leave, she yelled, “Wait! How come I remember K but nobody else does?”

“Woah!” Jeffrey exclaimed, looking as if she just unlocked the key to immortality. “Woah! That means you were there.”

“I was where?” She didn’t understand. Yeah she was alive in 1969, five years old in fact. But what the hell does he mean by she was there?

“If you survive you gotta come back and tell me everything, okay!”

“What are you talking about? Where was I?!” she was interrupted by a ship attacking a nearby building. Jeffrey ushering her off.

“You gotta go! Go! Go! Go!,” he fled to safety, leaving Y/I alone on the rooftop. More ships attacked, sending an alarm across the city for residents to seek shelter. Below Y/I made out their screams.

Time dial in hand, Y/I said a mental prayer, “I’m coming for ya, K,” and leaped to her destiny.

1969

Once Y/I settled her heart rate and mentally cheered in victory she didn’t die, her feet carried her off the rooftop and down the elevator. Had her mind not been preoccupied, she would’ve found humor in the man who looked rather scared out of his wits when she entered the elevator. Clutching the paper close to his chest while giving her an odd once over.

“What’s today?” Y/I picked up on his adversary, not meeting her eye at all.

“Tuesday,” he said shortly.

“The date,” she corrected with a sigh.

“The 11th.”

“Of?”

“July?”

“My man, what’s the year?”

“Nine-nineteen sixty-nine.”

“Thank you,” she threw a hand up, startling him more. “God, and I thought people sucked at answering simple questions where I’m from.” She left the elevator in a haste once it hit the lobby floor, rushing out the doors to a 60s New York.

After stealing a rich man’s car, neuralizing two cops and knicking a bottle of coca-cola from a vendor to quench her time travel thirst, Y/I finally made it to Coney Island. Approaching any and everyone to see if they’d seen Boris.

“He’s about six foot, gnarly beard and looks like he could use some screen,” the young couple hippy kept eyeing her up and down, expressions mixed with weariness and awe. It’s not everyday a woman in a dressy suit approaches to ask you questions. Y/I huffed, pinching the bridge of her nose, “I take that as a no?”

It was like this all morning and Y/I was starting to lose hope. But she had to stay. It said in the records Boris murders an alien on July 11th at Coney Island. Maybe if she could find him she’d save another life.

A scream filled her ears, Y/I running in the direction of the ferris wheel. Breaking through a curtain with her gun raised where she found a body laying on the ground. “Shit,” she muttered, head raising a second later to thumping.

There, leaping across the panels of the ferris wheel, was Boris. Y/I trained her blaster up, eyes following Boris’ until she could get a clear shot. She predicted he’d jump to the large billboard, so she focused her aim to await him.

But fate had other plans.

As soon as she lined up the shot Y/I felt cold pressure against her temple. Blood rushed as she mentally cursed herself. Then a familiar southern drawl filled her ears.

“We’ll take it from here.”

“K?” she gasped, eyes wide as saucers. Smiling as she turned to see him, young and alive, “K!”. ‘Damn K was a stud.’ However the happy reunion was cut short when the agent remembered this was a young K. His face visibly surprised at the mention of his name. Y/I once again cursed at herself.

He didn’t know who the fuck she was.

His defensive demeanor showed that. “I’m afraid I’m going to need you to lower your weapon and come with me, ma’am.” Had this been her K she would’ve teased the fact that even so young authority seeped off him. Carrying himself in a way Y/I was sure he had gals falling to his feet left and right.

But she couldn’t tease him. This wasn’t her K. And this K looked like he was about five seconds from losing his patience.

“Sorry, pretty boy,” she found her voice, his face shifting at the nickname. “Can’t let that happen.” Before K could blink, Y/I shot her arm up to push his blaster away, kneeing his stomach causing K to grunt and bend over, before kicking his legs. She made a mental note to apologize to future K once she returns home.

If she manages to pull this off.

Once K was down, Y/I took her chance to run. Unfortunately she didn’t get far. Heading in the direction Boris fled, Y/I got caught in a maze of tents, unable to find her way out. She stomped her foot, “Dammit.” It was there K found her, tackling the agent from behind, “Ooof--!” They rolled on the harsh ground, scuffling their suits and shoes before coming to a stop. K kicked Y/I’s blaster away, annoying her greatly, “Rude.”

They engaged in a small brawl. Which was pretty much Y/n doing all she could to escape and K attempting to get the upper hand but falling short. It was a new thing for K. Having an opponent on his level. He’d never had his work cut out for him until now. This woman was something else. She intrigued him.

After two whole minutes of fighting, they were becoming tired and frustrated. K took a blow to his rib, Y/I’s hair now loose from the hair tie snapping. It came to a climatic end when they fell back onto a curtain and tumbled onto a table full of orange crates. Moaning as they made impact with the ground. Y/I pushed herself up only to yelp in pain and fall back as electricity filled her veins.

The bastard tased her.

Breathing heavily, K wiped the sweat from his forehead. Leaning back on his knees as he observed the unconscious woman in front of him. Now that he got a better look, K assessed her to be in her mid to late 30s. Striking features with signs of aging, some wrinkles by her eyes and smile lines, but breathtakingly beautiful. Hair styled in an unusual fashion. Two toned in a way K couldn’t tell if it was natural on the sides framing her face or if they were purposely dyed a stunning white/gray. The top of her head was layered in y/h/c. Her makeup relatively simple with the exception of bold red painting her lips.

The most interesting detail of the gorgeous woman was she adored a black suit just like him. She stuck out like a sore thumb when all the women wore dresses and skirts. Yes, some wore pants, but a woman in a sleek black suit and tie? Unheard of. Not to mention her suit was made in a different fashion than his own. More tight on her figure, thinner tie, not as boxy on the shoulders.

K’s suspicion rose when he found fancy gadgets in the pockets of her blazer. He’d made sure to disarm her in the event she woke before they arrived at HQ. Besides her gun, he discovered a pen-like tool, and a circular device reading the current date. ‘What the hell?’ he thought to himself, examining the tools closely before pocketing them. Brows raised to his hairline when he found her badge, the MIB logo in bold printed above her identity.

Agent Y/I.

“Huh,” K hummed in wonder, “Well I’ll be damned.” He glanced down at the fallen agent, lingering on her features, “Now that’s something you don’t see everyday.” Badge in hand, K gently lifting the woman in his arms to take to his car. But not before neuralizing the crowd that had gathered around them.

Whoever she was, K was going to find out.

Y/I awoke with a groan. Feeling tension in her neck and back and throat dry as a desert. Bright lights filled her vision, causing her to blink rapidly until the blurriness became clear. Making her brows furrow at the sight of a very different MIB headquarters she was used to. For starters this one had color. Burnt orange furniture and bulky furniture to fit the times. It was buzzing with MIB agents and travelers from other worlds. Y/I heard one alien on the phone with his dad begging to bail him out.

Good luck with that buddy.

Still feeling the numbness from the voltage, Y/I massaged her jaw with her hand, groaning lightly as she turned her head to scan the rest of HQ. A sudden gasp leaving her as she found K staring at her, making her jolt in her seat.

“Christ, K,” a groan left her throat, eyes narrowed at the man--who again observed her with skepticism. “Would it kill a girl to ask you to turn the electricity down on that thing? I can barely feel my tongue.” He cut right to the chase.

“How do you know my name?”

‘Fuck,’ Y/I gritted her teeth. Pissed at herself for making a simple mistake. Now she had to improvise. Something K always clowned her for. “What? Cause I called you ‘K’?” She could tell he wanted to smirk at her nervous chuckle. “No, I call everybody K. It’s my thing really--What up, K?” the person passing the two gave a look, and the agent continued the ruse much to K’s displeasure. “Kaaaaayyyyy, pasa. Yeah, you know how it is.”

God this was embarrassing. But she was too deep now.

K turned in his chair around to grab something off the desk, “Now that I know what you look like when you’re lying.” Placing the items in front of Y/I, she mentally cursed. It was her neuralizer, gun, badge and time travel device. “Won’t you show me what you look like when you’re telling the truth?”

Oh boy. She hadn’t thought of him confiscating the stuff she had. Super important stuff. How was she going to get out of this? K was the smartest man alive. He’ll know she’s lying no matter how much she tries to deceive him. Time was running out and she needed to get away fast.

Putting on a convincing smile, Y/I leans her elbow on the corner of K’s desk. “I won those at Coney Island on the ring toss,” the lie was met with a gesture of her hand, like she actually was tossing a ring.

“I won a stuffed bear once, but never one of these,” he shakes his head, giving that damn smile where he knows she’s lying. Of course he fucking knew. “Must be good, slick.” God there was the nickname. The one that in the beginning Y/I hated but learned to love as it was only reserved for her. Hearing the younger K say it brought comfort to the agent, reminding her why she was in 1969 in the first place.

“All right, sir,” she pulled herself together, becoming serious which surprised him a bit. “I was minding my own business. I was out there waiting for my girl, who, by the way, is probably worried sick looking for me right now. So I-I just need my things and I need to get back to her.”

“What’s ya gal’s name?”

“Huh?”

“Your gal,” K repeated with a smirk, “what’s her name?” The question threw her off, but then Y/I she did, in fact, say she was waiting for a girl and not a guy. Forgetting she was in 1969 where lgbtq+ unfortunately dealt with prominent homophobia and persecution. ‘Fuck’ she thought again, hoping young K was just as accepting as his older self. Who, when Y/I told him she was bisexual his reply was, “I know, slick.”

By some God awful reason, Y/I’s brain melted at having to come up with a fake girlfriend name, “Schtaron” saying it aloud even made her cringe.

K even looked surprised, eyebrows raising as though he misheard her. “Schtaron?” Well she couldn’t take it back now. So Y/I did the only thing she could do: nod, accepting her fate. K’s mouth opened slightly, processing the information. “I bet Schtaron likes that suit of yours. Hm?”

Y/I peered down at her outfit where K was looking. Crisp black suit matching his only a tad different in style. She raised a brow in defiance, “What, it’s a crime to wear a black suit?”

K shrugged, finger brushing his bottom lip, “Not a crime, but it makes you stick out compared to the other pretty ladies wearing pencil dresses and skirts.”

“Yeah well,” Y/I scoffed with a roll of the eyes. “You men haven’t realized yet that women can rock a three-piece suit and tie better than y’all.” As though confirming her words, Y/I heats up when K gives another glance over her suit. From the tie around her neck to the red bottom heels on her feet.

Obviously he didn’t recognize the shoes since Louboutins didn’t release until the 90s, but K was still impressed nonetheless she’d be brave to wear such footwear in that line of work.

He leaned back in his chair, turning away when he was caught staring, red creeping up his neck and hand raising to adjust his tie. Y/I smirked, pleased with his reaction, while battling the warmth feeling in her chest. Part of her wanted to poke fun at him like she usually did, but there was a job to do.

“All right, listen, pretty boy,” she gets his attention back, visibly reacting to the nickname, “I haven’t done anything wrong except be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And I need to get out of here,” she slaps a hand down on the stack of files in front of her, “I cannot be here with you.” They’re suddenly interrupted by the arrival of a beautiful blonde.

“Terribly sorry,” she apologizes to Y/I before turning to K. “X is frightfully upset about the whole Coney Island incident.” K moves to grab his cup of coffee, meanwhile Y/I could not contain herself and was openly checking the blonde out. Which K caught and had to do a double take.

“Alright thanks for the heads up,” he takes a sip, wincing at the bitter taste, “Oh, man, this coffee tastes like dirt.” Y/I snapped her head to him in shock before turning back to the woman, ‘no fucking way,’ her suspicions were confirmed seconds later.

“What do you expect? It was--.”

“Just ground this morning,” Y/I finishes the saying, eyes wide and grin threatening to expand. “O?” ‘Damn O has always been fine.’

Both faced her, expressions of bewilderment. Especially O who had yet to know who Y/I was. It was further proof to younger K Y/I was hiding something big.

Realizing her mistake Y/I attempted to do damage control. “No, I call ladies ‘O’,” her hand waves. Feeling small under K’s hard stare. “To me, O is feminine, K is masculine.” What the actual hell was coming out of her mouth? She didn’t know and couldn’t stop, “You know, I see a couple, I’m like, “O-K.” Before anyone had the chance to react to the utter bullshit she spewed, X was rounding the corner. K dropping a large booklet on top of Y/I’s stuff.

“What a mess,” X exclaimed, standing beside O. “Any casualties?”

“Yes, Roman the Fabulist.”

O appeared devastated by this news. Almost like she could cry whereas X just rephrased the question to specify, “Any human casualties.” Y/I narrowed her brows slightly, offended by the audacity of X which didn’t go unnoticed by K. He matched her expression. To him, all life was precious. Humans and aliens alike.

“No, sir,” Y/I picked up on his strained tone. It was then X turned his attention to the woman seated in front of him with a piercing glare, “Who the hell is this?” He was put off not just by her scowl, but the fact she wore a suit and had mixed-match hair.

“Look, I was…” K interrupted before she could make a fool of herself.

“Stray human caught in the net.”

“Code 43 her and throw her back,” X ordered. O, sensing there was more to the story, diverted X away from the desk, “Sir, you’re gonna be late for a meeting with the Viagrans. They have a revolutionary new pill.” Y/I tilted her head at O’s words, ‘What the hell? Viagrans? New Pill? Oh my….’ She wanted to laugh at the irony, but K was back in front of her, serious as ever.

“Okay, slick,” he leaned on his elbows, waiting for the woman to come clean. Y/I kept her guard up, shaking her head furiously and sticking with the stupid story, “I was waiting for my girl.”

“Schtaron.”

“Yes,” Y/I wanted to crawl under the desk and hide, “she’s….Greek. It’s a family name--very unique.”

A moment of silence passes and K finally gives up. Accepting he was going to have to use unorthodox methods to get answers. “Okay. Just one last thing…..an eye exam.”

Oh no.

Any attempt Y/I made to escape was to no avail. They caught and strapped her to a stretcher like contraption, after she put down three men and managed to disarm K again, making his jaw drop. They wheeled her to a room, her eyes landing on a large machine resembling a device she was all too familiar with. “That’s not an eye exam, K,” she shouted appalled, “That’s a big ass neuralizer!”

“You sure have a lot of information for a gal who doesn’t know anything,” he approached the control machine.

“I see what you’re saying. Woah--!” They spun upside down. “You know what, K, we need to hold up a second. K!” Her y/h/c and white hair fell over her face, Y/I blowing air to get it out of the way. Necklaces smacking her cheek.

A man in a lab coat and white suit approached her. Leaning down with an object in his hand. “Let’s just get this bite guard in here.” Y/I clacked her teeth in an attempt to bite him.

“Hey. Back up,” she did it again, causing him to draw back. “Back the fuck up. I’m not afraid to bite you.” The stretcher jolted up, making it to where she was level with the machine. “K, listen,” she pleaded with a chuckle, “I think we got off on the wrong foot, all right? So let’s stop this show and talk for a second. Don’t put me in this thing, K!”

K thought about it for a moment before replying, “Too late, lass,” and pressed a button. Y/I groaned, stretcher moving to enter the vessel.

“K, no, you have to listen to me. I can help you with this case!” her pleas went ignored, K focusing on the dial. “K!” She makes a face, “I’m doing the truth face--you’re missing it!”

“Ah, I’ll just use my imagination.”

Buzzing filled the room. The neuralizer was closed and locked, beginning to spin in a circle as it lit up. Y/I started feeling nauseous, struggling against the holds. “K, I’m after the same killer you’re looking for. He’s a Boglodite named Boris.”

“Ship has sailed, amiga.”

The dizziness was becoming intense, Y/I blinked her eyes, “K, if we don’t get him now we’ll have to deal with two of them. Two!” K adjusts his headset.

“You had my undivided attention.”

“One will have one arm, and one will have two,” she informs, neuralizer speeding up. Now her heart was about to burst from her chest, desperation consuming her. “K! Listen to me, please!” the stretcher set in place as it locked in. “If you erase me you’ll be erasing the whole world!”

“Fifteen seconds to neuralyzation. Fourteen.”

“Fuck-fuck-fuck,” Y/I mumbled, the fear now setting in. The last time she felt terrified--besides that morning--was after getting poisoned by an alien stinger while on a job in 2003. Never had she seen K so scared. Cursing at everyone and breaking every traffic law to get back to HQ. So frighteningly angry he nearly threw hands with Zed while O had to step in to calm him down.

“Thirteen. Twelve. Eleven.” her thoughts became fuzzy. Neurons pulling apart and pushing together. The area of the brain dedicated to memory being targeted causing her mind to spin. “Ten. Nine. Eight.” The least she could do before her brain was scrambled was warn K one last time. “When you see Boris tomorrow, K, kill him. Do not arrest him, you have to kill him!”

“Six. Five. Four.”

Y/I’s eyes closed, steadying her breathing to calm herself and not allow the fear to take over. Memories started to play like a film. From her childhood, to adolescence. High school and police academy. Her time as a detective to the moment she met K. Discovering the world beyond Earth. Every mission, every job. Every precious moment she took for granted.

Outside, K kept replaying her words. Warnings. Whoever she was, she knew too much. Between the technology, the suit, knowing his name as well as O’s, this woman had a past. A past with the same man he needed to find.

For God’s sake she had an MIB badge. She was one of them.

‘Fucking hell.’ “Three. Two. On--.” K stood abruptly and smacked his hand down on the button to shut it down before it could reach one.

Y/I let out a breath of relief, feeling the contraption slow down until it came to a stop. Lights shutting off. “Is this thing off, K? Hey, I don’t think it’s off all the way--can you check real quick?” Cranking her neck as best she could, Y/I desperately needed an Advil. “It’s still whirring and buzzing. I don’t know if I don’t know nothing.” Now she was being dramatic. But who could really blame her after nearly getting her memory erased.

The stretcher exited the machine, pulling Y/I upright causing her hair to become a wild mess. K approached, headset off, and watched her carefully. “I knew Roman. His wife cooked me dinner once and while it was not pleasant, he was my friend.” The men unlatched the metal straps holding Y/I in place, K stepping forward to extend a hand so she’d safely step off while saying, “Last chance, who are you and what do you know?” She took his hand, both flinching at the tiny shock that occurred and Y/I stumbled back once on her feet so they had a bit of distance, but still close. Inhaling, Y/I spilled all K needed to know in one breath.

“I’m an agent at Men in Black, but I’m from the future--we’re partners, ok? Twenty-five years from now you’re going to recruit me in New York, and fourteen years after that, the guy you didn’t let me kill today at Coney Island, he escapes from prison, and jumps back into the past and unleashes a full scale invasion of Earth,” Y/I checks her watch briefly, “we’ve got approximately four days and ten hours to catch him and kill him. So really, we need to go right now because he can be anywhere!” She let out a small groan, letting the air catch up. Nerves arose at K’s blank stare. Y/I unable to tell what he was thinking and that brought great annoyance.

They stayed like that for a moment. Staring at each other in silence. Y/I allowed her shoulders to drop, sighing in the process.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, K turned on his heel toward the door, “Alright.” Puzzled, Y/I blinked rapidly in question, but followed after the man.

“So that’s the story you believe.”

“That one was the truth,” K pointed out. “Wasn’t the whole truth, but I guess it’ll do for now.” Y/I looked at him offended.

“What the hell do you mean? Of course it’s the whole truth!” Liar. “I told you everything.” ‘No I didn’t, but what you don’t know won’t hurt ya.’ They entered the elevator, “The problem with a lie, K, is once you start lying you put yourself….” she trails off when he turns to her with a look of, ‘Don’t even try,’ Sighing again, Y/I licked her lips while placing her hands in her pockets, staring ahead rather than at K.

“Agent K,” a voice called from below as the elevator rose. They turned to find X and O. “What’s she still doing here?”

“Oh I might have cooked her for too long. Thought I’d better walk her out.” Catching on, Y/I said the first thing that came to her mind.

“I put my pants on.” K rolled his eyes, lifting his hand as if to say, ‘See what I mean?’ Once X looked satisfied and took his leave, K gently placed a hand on her shoulder to turn her back around. His touch sent another wave of heat. She straightened her posture, looking ahead.

Y/I jaw hurt from how hard she was holding her laugh. Squeezing her eyes shut, but she still felt K’s gaze, damn well knowing she’d break if she made eye contact. “Please stop looking at me before I lose it.”

“How’d you know--.”

The elevator jolted a stop, Y/I exiting first before K took the lead. She quickened her pace so they were next to each other. Outside K led her to his car, Y/I’s unable to contain her reaction at the sight of his car. A 1964 Ford Galaxy 500. She whistled as got into the car, missing how K was biting back a smirk.

The driver’s door slammed shut behind him, “Okay future-gal, where to?” Y/I’s brow raised, hands making a motion. She didn't have a damn clue at what to do next. Now that her original plan blew to shit.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” K parroted, just as confused and she made a face.

“I don’t know. Uh…go wherever you went last time.”

Did she forget she traveled back in time? “I haven’t been here last time. I didn’t tell you where I went?” She had to choose her next words carefully to not let anything slip. Nonetheless she let out a light chuckle.

“No, we don’t really talk.”

K huffed, adjusting himself in the seat, “What kind of partners sit in a car all day every day for 14 years and don’t talk?”

“Exactly,” her smile is tight, proving her point. She points a finger between the both of them, “and this is the type of problem it causes. It’s dysfunctional and annoying if I’m being quite honest. And technically we’ve been partners for ten years but that’s a long story and one for another day.” She didn’t miss the curious look that came over him, but it was quickly replaced with frustration.

“Alright, sweetheart,” he put one hand on the wheel while his arm laid across the headrest of the seats, face serious. “You better get useful real quick, or you’re going back to room 43.”

Y/I muttered something he couldn’t hear, turning away to gaze out the windshield. Brows furrowed deep in thought as she picked through her brain for any information.

“Okay, uh,” she bit her lip, “the file--the file I read about Boris before coming here said something about a factory,” she looked back at K, “something happened at a factory on the 13th.” She heard him sigh, and Y/I held back her own. “Look, pretty boy, I’m giving you all I got. You can stare at me with your jedi knight--,” she forgot Star Wars had yet to be released for another seven years. “Looking eyes, but that’s all--we’ve got two days to find out where he’s going.”

To her surprise, K started the car. She tilted her head, “oh, did that spark something for you, cowboy?”

“Roman had this on his person when he was murdered,” In his hand was a matchbook, Y/I reached to take it. On both sides read ‘Cosmo Lanes,’ the letters encased in bowling pins.

“It’s a matchbox.”

“No, it’s a clue,” K corrected, making her look at him puzzled. Then he answered her unspoken question, “He didn’t smoke.” They were off with the roar of the engine trailing behind. Off to Cosmo Lanes with their lead.

The entire drive Y/I kept stealing glances at K. Not hiding her intrigue at all or how she admired his features. Jet black hair, shiny and sleek. Smile lines--which she always found adorable. Brown eyes that twinkled whenever he smirked or gave a genuine smile.

She must’ve been staring because K snapped her out of it as he said, “You lose something over here, darlin’?”

Instead of becoming embarrassed and flinging herself out of the car, Y/I held her chin high, feeding off the confidence she usually carried herself with. Lip curling, as she tipped a brow up, “Say, K, I’m curious. How old are you?”

It took a moment for him to answer, “twenty-nine.”

“Wow,” Y/I hummed, making K give her a, ‘What is that supposed to mean?’ Her grin widened, tone taking a teasing nature, “Just that you got some city miles on ya.”

Now it was K’s turn to smirk, “You know I’m starting to understand why we don’t talk.” Y/I chuckled, facing forward in the seat. K turned down the music lightly, “Exactly what year in the future are you from?”

“Twenty-Twelve,” she heard him make a sound, like he was calculating his age in 2012. “Don’t worry, you're still a stud even in your old age. Silver hair suits you.”

“Glad to hear,” Y/I heard his smile, matching her own. “What you said earlier, about us being partners for ten years, what’d you mean by that?” She hadn’t expected that question, tightening her lips as she debated on opening that can of worms.

“Like I said, it's a long and complicated story.”

K’s eyes flickered to her, “we got time.”

She snorted, “Should I really be telling you? I’m not an expert in time travel, but what if telling you about what happens in the future inevitably dooms it?” All she received was a shrug, making her head fall back against the seat.

“Well,” she breathed through her nose, clicking her teeth. “As I mentioned--after you nearly fried my brain--you recruited me in ‘97, but after the first job you decided to retire and had me neuarlize you,” She briefly glanced to find K raising his brows, visibly surprised. “Then five years later in ‘02, you held the key to stopping a homicidal maniac so I had to drag you back to MiB. Once that was over, you just stayed,” leaning her head to look at K, Y/I smirked, “And we’ve been going now ten years strong. My longest relationship really--you should be honored.” She couldn’t help but tease, watching the man flush red.

Even as a young stallion K was easy to fluster.

“I love that,” she giggled lightly, looking away when he turned his head.

“What?”

“Oh nothing,” she jutted, but then came clean, unable to contain her laugh. “Just that you’re still easy to tickle.” Y/I didn’t see it, but K’s gaze lingered on her. Fondness peaking through as a million questions racked his brain but he refused to ask--the leading being just who was she to him? Yeah they were work partners, but call it intuition, K felt there was something more to Y/I and what she meant to him.

Whatever it was now was not the time to drown himself in theories. Gathering his priorities, K kept only two things in mind: 1) they had a job to do and 2) this woman was from his future. They needed to find Boris, stop him from changing the future, and get her back home.

They pulled up to the bowling alley, K shutting off the engine after putting the car in park. Y/I leaned forward to get a better look. “How well do you know this place?”

“I know its reputation.”

“I don’t like it,” she shook her head, finding it sketchy. “I hate going in blind. I’m gonna need my gun back.”

“Sure thing, slick,” a handcuff clasped on Y/I wrist, a gasp leaving her as he cuffed her to the steering wheel while she gaped at him like he lost his damn mind.

“K! What the hell?!” she fought against his grip, “I need to go in there with you!”

“You just sit tight. I’ll be fine.” K was out the door and entering the establishment. Leaving Y/I shouting after him, “Stop--K! You can’t go in by yourself. When I get back to the future I’m going to have serious words for you!” She puffed out a breath as his suit clad figure disappeared. Her hands searched around the car, ‘I wonder…’ reaching for the ashtray, Y/I made a ‘ah-ha!’ sound as she found the spare key underneath.

“Same old K,” the smirk stayed on her lips, freeing herself from the cuffs and racing out the car. Going quiet as she accessed the center to take in the scene. K had his gun on a man, who in turn had four guns pointed at him. Grabbing the first thing, a bowling pin, Y/I inched her way until she was bringing down the pin on the alien’s head. Promptly knocking him out.

“See you still keep the key under the ashtray,” she saw the flicker of what looked like astonishment.

“Lucky guess,” he played it off, facing the man who was not passed out on the floor. “Now, where were we?”

After landing a spare on the lanes, finding the owner’s dead body, and a call to O for information, the two tracked down where Boris was heading next. From what K said, it was the factory.

Now they had two days to spare until then. And frankly, Y/I was beat like a tennis ball after Wimbledon. She needed a hot shower, food, and at least ten hours of sleep. It was pushing close to 6pm and Y/I was about two seconds away from making a bed out of K's backseat.

“Where are we?” a yawn escaped her when the car came to a halt. Squinting at the unknown building they were in front of.

“My place,” K casually replied, exiting the car as if it were nothing while Y/I choked on her saliva.

“Your what?” The wind hit her as she climbed out, gawking at the man. People passing by gave them looks which they ignored. “Why are we at your place, K?”

His brow tipped up, “You’re exhausted. So we’ll pick things back up tomorrow.”

“Okay….” she agreed, but her tone was still confused. “That still doesn’t explain why we’re at your place.” Then it hit Y/I, heat filling her veins and she began to splutter. “K, If you’re insinuating what I think you are, I can go get a hotel.”

“Oh really and how are you gonna do that?” K countered, hands going in his pockets. “You don’t have any money on ya, sweetheart.” Y/I tilted her head in surprise.

“And just how do you know that?” She could’ve sworn she had her credit cards on her. Learning not to carry cash on her at times now that most places were switching to cards only or never had change in the registers.

Fuck K didn’t think about how that would sound. Face redding as he adjusted his jacked, “Um,” his throat cleared, “I confiscated everything on ya at HQ and there was no wallet. Just assumed you weren’t carrying any.”

Instantly Y/I fished for her MiB badge, where she hid her Capital One credit card. Flashing it to him, “I have this.”

“What is it?” He snatched it to get a better look. Reading the print of a name he assumed was her alias, several numbers in a line and expiration date. Not recognizing the company labeled at the top.

“My credit card,” she said as if it were obvious, forgetting where she was. K’s face was questioning, making Y/I go, “What?”

“This won’t work at a hotel, slick,” he passed the card back, but not before reading it one more time. Before she could ask why K gave the answer. “For starters Capital One doesn’t exist yet. And the expiration date will have everyone turning heads,” his face turned serious, “but the main thing, if you attempt to pay with that, the authorities are going to have a field day wondering how you managed to forge a credit account.”

Y/I’s jaw dropped, absolutely floored. Forge an account? Yeah the name on the card wasn’t her real name but it was the MiB issued credit card and worked perfectly fine. And she was certain she hadn’t maxed it out yet. It’d just been used on her daily bodega order that morning.

“This isn’t fake! I get it’s not my real name, but thanks to MiB it hasn’t let me down yet. How will it--,” she cut herself on as it crossed her mind. What he was trying to tell her without really saying it. Y/I brought a hand to her nose, scrunching it. Feeling stupid she hadn’t realized it sooner as a sigh left her, “I’m not supposed to have a credit card.”

In fact, no woman was supposed to have one. They wouldn’t get the right to open their own credit accounts until 1974. Where they’d be free without having a husband, father, or brother cosign on one.

Gotta love the 60s…..

“What’s it gonna be, slick?” K voice brought her back to reality. Lifting her eyes from the pavement to meet his. Air caught in her throat suddenly, ‘Wow K has beautiful eyes.’

“I’m taking the bed,” Y/I gave in, lighting a cigarette she stole from a pack in K’s car before heading into the building with one thing on her mind: sleep. “I deserve it after jumping off a damn building and almost having my brain cooked.”

[raythekiller]

may i request masky nsfw alphabet? and can i be 🫀 anon?? :D

🗒 ❛ NSFW Alphabet ༉‧₊˚✧

Featuring: Masky

#Notes: ofc!! welcome to the family <3

pronouns used: none, gn! reader

˗ˏˋ back to navigation ´ˎ˗

A - AFTERCARE

Honestly, at first he just gets up to go clean himself, but will hug and cuddle you after. He gets a bit in his feelings for a change.

B - BODY PART

Absolutely an ass man, which is why he likes spanking you so much.

C - CUM

ADORES coming on your face, like seriously. Seeing his cum dripping down your cheek and chin gets him hard all over again.

D - DIRTY SECRET 

He enjoys soft, passionate sex as well, but thinks that he has to maintain this tough, mean dom persona.

E - EXPERIENCE 

Very experienced. He's been to college, people, he's fucked people before 100% and knows what he's doing.

F - FAVORITE POSITION 

Either doggy or face-off. Fucking you from behind is a gift from God in it's own and face-off cause then he can hold you close as you ride him.

G - GOOFY 

Very serious, aside from one cheeky remark or two. Will tease you, but that's as fair as he'll go.

H - HAIR 

Doesn't bother much with shaving, just grooms it every few weeks or so. It's darker than his hair, almost black.

I - INTIMACY

Unfortunately, unless you're dating, he's gonna try to be as emotionally distant as possible. If you're dating, however, he'll be a lot more gentle, telling you how much he loves you.

J - JACK OFF

Does it fairly often, mostly to relief some stress. He's pent up almost all of the time and masturbation is a great way to get rid of it. K - KINK

Here's a full post on his kinks.

L - LOCATION

Mostly his bedroom, but honestly he'll bend you over just about anywhere. Loves to do it in his car as well.

M - MOTIVATION 

Doesn't take much to get him worked up, but it does take some effort to have him act on it. He has a surprisingly good amount of self control in this situation.

N - NO

Anything that makes him not feel in control is a hard no, so him subbing is out of the question.

O - ORAL 

Prefers receiving, loves grabbing your head and fucking your throat. When giving, he's actually pretty good, definitely knows what he's doing.

P - PACE

Normally slow and rough. Wants you to savour every inch of his cock.

Q - QUICKIE 

As mentioned, quickies in his car are very much a thing, especially you giving him head as he's driving.

R - RISK 

Doesn't experiment around much, he's satisfied with the way he does things already. Might budge if you ask nicely, depending on what it is.

S - STAMINA 

Normally only one round, but he drags it for hours by edging and denying the both of you.

T - TOYS 

Quite a big fan of vibrators, loves using them on you. If you count belts and paddles as sex toys too, he's also super into it.

U - UNFAIR 

Oh, Tim is a professional tease. Will rile you up during the entire day only to 1. not pleasure you at all or 2. give you the dick down of your life.

V - VOLUME 

Doesn't moan much, mostly groans and grunts. His voice is super low as raspy.

W - WILD CARD 

Definitely wants to try out putting a vibrator in you as you go on about your day and he has the controller to the intensity of it.

X - X-RAY 

Around 7.8, but extremely thick. You're definitely gonna need some intense foreplay to be able to take all of him in.

Y - YEARNING 

Doesn't get horny very often, but when he does, expect him to do something about it. He's not the type to try and repress it.

Z - ZZZ

Listen, he's an old guy, okay? He needs his nap afterwards as you lie down with him on his chest.

[gamequoteshowdown]

Thank you everyone for making this happen! Now, without further ado, the match-ups for Round 1!!!

Round 1

"I've been waiting for this!" - Akihiko Sanada, Persona 3 / "You're just a corpse who doesn't know he's dead" - Valter, Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones

"Are you going to be our goddess of victory… or our angel of death? Doesn't sound too bad to bet my life on that." - Keiji Shinogi, Your Turn To Die: Death Game by Majority / "Don't fuck with a witch!" - Bayonetta, Bayonetta

"Teammates!? Friends!? To hell with that! Why am I inferior to you!? I was extremely particular about my life, my grades, my public image! So someone would want me around! I am an ace detective! A celebrity! But you… You're just some criminal trash living in an attic!? So how!? How does someone like you have things I don't!? How can such a worthless piece of trash be more special than me!?" - Goro Akechi, Persona 5 / "I was just gunna ask you to sell a gun to this child." - Starlo, Undertale Yellow

"I want you to live." - Charlotte Wiltshire, Hello Charlotte Series / "Your hair… sunset colored. I like it." - Queequeg, Limbus Company

"The hope to end pointless conflict… The hope to tell your daughter how much you care… It is our mission as apothecaries to ensure that everyone lives long enough for their hopes to become reality. Even if it costs us our own lives." - Castti Florenz, Octopath Traveler II / "Game is clear when 2 zombies hold hands!!" - "How to Play" Narrator, Loving Deads: The House of the Dead EX

"Thanks to you, I am saddled with unnecessary… feelings" - Miles Edgeworth, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney / "I am so fucking normal right now" - Harry du Bois, Disco Elysium

“SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL IS GOING TO HAPPEN” - Harry du Bois (in the form as a potential mural painting), Disco Elysium / "You pull out your cellphone and access your old Tumblr. You have ten, but you specifically access the Garfield one." - Narrator, Monster Prom

"… Nice meeting you again, you FUCKING WHALE!" - Ishmael, Limbus Company / "My guess is no one's ever loved you before" - Woody, Kingdom Hearts 3

"Take care, [player]. I was lucky to have known you. Though the parting hurts... the rest is in your hands!" - Grovyle, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky / "Far out, man." - Netzach, Limbus Company

"I'll be back once I eliminate that devil called poverty from the world!" - Partitio Yellowil, Octopath Traveler II / "Elder gods from the whole cosmos have awoken to taste your cookies." - Narrator, Cookie Clicker

"Hello! This is the part where I kill you!" - Wheatley, Portal 2 / "Now we come to the question : Do I kill you? Do I tear you apart to my heart's delight? The choices of the beautiful are unbearable. How's a girl to choose?" - Alice Angel, Bendy and the Ink Machine

"I am Ferdinand von Aegir" - Ferdinand von Aegir, Fire Emblem: Three Houses / "Her metabolic processes are of interest only to historians." - Miles Edgeworth, Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations

"It ain't a matter of guys or chicks... I'm just scared shitless of being rejected" - Kanji Tatsumi, Persona 4 / "...also Stanley is addicted to drugs and hookers" - Narrator, The Stanley Parable

“You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” - Happy Mask Salesman, Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask / "I have no idea what to do with my life, but that's okay! Because I'm still working hard! Even if it's on nothing at all!" - Papyrus, Undertale

"Despite everything, its still you." - Narrator/Chara/Frisk???, Undertale / "In this world, it's kill or be killed." - Flowey, Undertale

“Heart. Lungs. Liver. Nerves. Heart. Lungs. Liver. Nerves…” - Voices of the Paranoid, Slay the Princess / "In the quiet glade, across old bark. In the ancient glade, it's always dark." - Gabbro, Outer Wilds

"You take away all their sins, and people aren't people anymore!" - Rokurou Rangetsu, Tales of Berseria / "Do you even get how it feels to have nightmares about doing tango with raw chickens? Eh?" - Heathcliff, Limbus Company

"Life is worth living, even if it hurts you, even if you hurt in it." - Solid Snake, Metal Gear Solid / "I often think about the god who blessed us with this cryptic puzzle... and wonder if we'll ever get the chance to kill him." - 2B, Nier: Automata

“Oh? Is that how it is? Yeah, okay, I like you too. Neat! Still going to kill you, but now we can both enjoy a mutual romantic subtext to the murder.” - The Razor, Slay the Princess / "Now it’s Reyn Time!" - Reyn, Xenoblade Chronicles

"You lost the coin toss. We both did." - Catherine Chun, SOMA / "I like to drink blood. . . and smoke the weed!" - Dracula, Space Funeral

"Pick a god and pray!" - Frederick, Fire Emblem: Awakening / "Can you believe it? Dragons! In your own homeland! What are you going to do?" - Florentia Candidius, Elder Scrolls Online

""Did you get the Broom Closet Ending?! The Broom Closet Ending was my favourite!" ...I hope your friends find this concerning." - Narrator, The Stanley Parable / "It’s dangerous to go alone, take this!" - Old Man, Legend of Zelda

“Close your eyes for a sec, will you Chigasaki?” “You mean physically? Or to the criminal acts I’m pretty sure you’re about to commit?” “Both.” - Chikage Utsuki & Itaru Chigasaki, A3! Act! Addict! Actors! / "You are all about to perish, do as you please. I'm sorry." - Meta Knight, Kirby Super Star

"Boy" - Kratos, God of War / "Take care of yourself, kid, cause someone really cares about you." - Sans, Undertale

"Almost Christmas means it wasn't Christmas!" - Phoenix Wright, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney / "Dios mío!” (Draw a cross.) “A LIBERAL!" - Harry du Bois, Disco Elysium

"That's it. I'm not paying one cent of my taxes!" - Ema Skye, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney / ""Trust your partner"... And I do. I can't forgive you, but I trust you." - Neku Sakuraba, The World Ends With You/Subarashiki Kono Sekai

"Hey, you. You’re finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there." - Ralof, Skyrim / *clap ... clap ... clap ... * "Oh good, my slow clap processor made it into this thing, so at least we have that" - GLaDOS, Portal 2

"hallOO. chikkEN. OKs?" - BOb, Slime Rancher / "Pretty good plan. You could say it was the greatest—" - Charles Calvin, The Henry Stickmin Collection

"Blood comes in four types: A, B, O, and AB. However! No blood test can determine whether a murder was committed… in cold blood!" - Phoenix Wright, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney / "You ain't my partner anymore, man. You're my friend! So trus' that, yo!" - Beat (Daisukenojo "Beat" Bito), The World Ends With You/Subarashiki Kono Sekai

"I always come back." - William Afton, FNaF Pizzeria Simulator / "So -- as you can see, I'm a *pretty okay* detective -- and an absolutely GIANT COMMUNIST." - Harry du Bois, Disco Elysium

"Ears have a nice mouth feel, very chewy!" - Briar, League of Legends / "This is like taking candy from a baby, which is fine by me." - Shadow the Hedgehog, Shadow the Hedgehog (2005)

"It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming... On days like this, kids like you... Should be burning in hell." - Sans, Undertale / "In the dark times, should the stars also go out?" - Steban, the Student Communist, Disco Elysium

“We are a path in the woods. We have no beginning, and we have no end, but something cold and unnatural sits watching us from just beyond our edge.” - The Wild, Slay the Princess / "Strong Pokémon. Weak Pokémon. That is only the selfish perception of people. Truly skilled Trainers should try to win with the Pokémon they love best." - Karen (Elite Four), Pokemon HeartGold / SoulSilver

[argentsunshine]

have you posted about your characterization of Joker? i really like your takes about him and would love if it were explained, but understand if not

i don't think i've posted about it explicitly beyond writing fics and comics, but i do think about it a lot

i acknowledge that everyone picks different options for their akira(/ren, i'll be calling him akira here in case i have to differentiate between his real world and metaverse personas), but imo there are way more basic facts about akira that are the same regardless of what dialogue options you pick than people act like there are

he's quiet

he's not really a silent protagonist unless you're incredibly broad with the term, but he still isn't exactly the most talkative guy. you may be saying mr argent sunshine, this is obvious, why are you bothering to state this. well you see i often joke that i have a test where i back out of a fanfic if anyone describes akira as "loud", "talkative", or anything else to that effect. i have seen this so often and it drives me insane. especially when people portray him as like, a quirky hyperactive ditz constantly saying stupid shit...? people can be funny while saying very few words, guys. (sometimes it's even funnier to say less. wild concept.)

also, while the doylist purpose of his quietness is obvious - making the player pick a line every other sentence would get annoying and would force them to write and record way more dialogue to account for all the responses - i think it's interesting to examine from a watsonian perspective. was he always quiet, or is it a mask in the same way as the glasses are? i personally imagine him always being on the quiet side, but it's a space you could play in.

2. caring so deeply about everyone and everything all the time

this to me is the real core of akira's character. the defining moment of his whole deal to me is the one-two punch of him saving a woman he didn't know and losing everything for it, and, when arsene asks, him saying doing that was not a mistake, i'd do it again if i had to, even though the woman he was trying to save turned around and lied to the police, resulting in his arrest. he comforts ann when they barely know each other, he awakens to arsene in the first place while trying to protect ryuji, who he's known for all of ten minutes. yes, he loves his friends and found family dearly (and i'm sure when i started talking about things that are true no matter what option you pick someone went "oh like how akechi will still be akira's wish in maruki's reality no matter what you do", yeah, that too) but he's also ready to throw himself into harm's way for the sake of people he's never met.

(if someone wants my full rant on this point ask me about sojiro akira parallels but a side point to this is that he's deeply unselfish, to a level that may not be healthy in the long run. he just so happens to have gotten the exact magic powers to make his heroics feasible. i'm just saying, without getting persona powers he still would have managed to draw kamoshida's anger, and he would have been expelled and probably gone to juvie! but he still would have done it because he can't just look away.)

3. oh god i don't want this to turn into a whole full rant so now i have to pick one last point then shut up. oh god oh fuck. i could talk about akira forever but nobody wants to sit through that. let's talk about masks.

i don't think of joker as The Real Akira as much as his metaverse appearance is another facet of him. looking at him from another angle. i think his flair for the dramatic is fun and i love him, but i also think the concept of theatrics and illusion and trickery (ha) being built so deep into him is very important. even though it's always for the greater good, he does tell people what they want to hear a lot (off the top of my head, maybe 1/3 to 1/2 of his non-PT confidants are at least somewhat based on false pretenses right from the start, even if they make him come clean in the end, and a lot of the rest involve akira being exactly who the person needs him to be.) you could argue that akira's always pretending to literally everyone fully all the time (I don't think this is true; i think he obscures parts of himself to make himself more useful or palatable to others, but i think arguing his connections are inauthentic is a) edgelord bullshit or, more commonly, shipper brain if they're arguing only one connection is authentic b) just not consistent with the way people work. i'm personally of the opinion that we're all always presenting tailored versions of ourselves to everyone around us - i'm ruder around my friends but kinder around my parents; openly ramble about my interests to my online friends but tend to keep a lid on them irl - these don't make some of my connections fake, it's just a difference in the facets people see. i don't think akira's tendecy to present different masks around different people is neccasarily the best way to go about life (in that i think it Will lead to an identity crisis inevitably) but it's definitely A Thing!

i lost track of what i was saying at the end there so i'll stop talking

[gods-no-longer-tread-here]

I want to put my thoughts about Barnaby Brooks Jr in a real post

1. this man is Gay. he is homosexual. he loves other men. he genuinely doesn't know until he's 25.

2. he's also trans and transitioned as a child; his parents supported him, as did Samantha. Maverick didn't know but said enough dismissive things about The Queers that Barnaby decided not to tell him

3. sometimes Barnaby forgets he's trans and tells other guys to just "not let (thing that cis men can't control) happen". in the past one of his girl friends found this hilarious because she thought he was making fun of dudes who think women can shut off their periods, so he uses that excuse whenever he's called out on it.

4. genuinely thinks he's straight but not interested in settling down bc he can't see himself falling in love with a woman. when he's feeling mopey he says he's broken but really he just never was pushed to consider other men.

5. he's the kind of autistic where he's So good at making neurotypicals feel like they're connecting with him, but it's part of his masking, so it's not an actual, two-way connection, and it is VERY tiring. he tried to switch his persona to Cold Bastard so he wouldn't have to work so hard but people just think he's cool now, and he can't justify being a genuine asshole. so he's stuck.

6. Barnaby and Ivan like hanging out because Ivan is by nature quiet and gentle and Barnaby is constantly overstimulated. they will sit in Ivan's living room painting minis in silence for hours and have a great time.

7. Barnaby likes Mecha anime. it's Saito's fault for explaining how he took inspiration from Gundam for their suits' aesthetic.

8. Kotetsu has a Bi Revelation about a year into their working relationship. Barnaby doesn't realize he's in love with Kotetsu until he's reading some fanfiction Nathan sent him and there's a scene where Wild Tiger professes his love all dramatic and eloquent and Barnaby says out loud, "He would not fucking say that" and it makes him sad. just. the weirdest, most roundabout realization ever.

9. he's an absolute loser and that's why he's so loveable.

[just-some-guy-joust]

im stubborn and i like talking here's the reasons i put every character i did in side a into the tourney. I'll do side b later cause i gotta go to bed soon

important first note, quite a few of my decisions were because i was trying to get women in here and it was getting desperate because i had to cut out a lot of women for only being "just some guy" because they were written by a misogynist that made her sit on the sidelines and cheer for the male leads. The Woman Situation Is Always So Fucking Dire.

anyways on to the actual contestants im gonna start with the characters that have been causing the most people to start up shit about them not being just some guy

barry bluejeans (taz balance): 2 submissions, personal bias. i think a lot of people are misunderstanding what this tournament is tbh. this isnt about the "normal" characters, tho normalcy does play a factor in it. this is about dudes who are just some guy. there is a difference. barry is a dnd npc who wears blue jeans in a fantasy world and he loves his wife. yes he is a lich. yes he is involved in the main plot. he's also just chillin. like if the plot didn't happen the way it did barry would be playing sudoku or crosswords. he'd be an average man in a very fantasy world. he is so average and human its funny. he is just some guy

tommy (hlvrai): 1 submission, personal bias. his just some guy energy is so there. he gets a propeller hat that does nothing when all of his crew is getting cool guns and upgrades. his life goal is to go home and take his dog for a walk. he gets a chuck e cheese birthday party. he sounds like he's going to burst into tears at any moment. compared to the rest of the crew, tommy is comedically just some guy

ulala (persona 2): 1 submission, description swayed me. it described the list of characters in persona 2 and ulala was just "your roommate that wanted to go to a party". that's hilarious. also i was getting fucking desperate for women that didn't suck ass as i stated above

apollo (ace attorney): 2 submissions, personal bias, descriptions swayed me. yall the submissions for him were so fucking funny. he's just a lawyer. he just wants to do his job but he lives in the ace attorney universe so everything is fucked all the time. he would've been a normal lawyer if he hadn't met phoenix wright. he's just chillin.

ok now here's every other character

sasha james (tma): 1 submission, friend bias, good description. i asked r if i should put her in because they know tma and they said yes. submission described her as loving to organize and avoided many monsters by being just some guy.

reigen arataka (mp100): 2 submissions. i thought it'd be funny and i was right. he is also just a normal man pretending he's not and he refuses to give up the bit he 100% deserves to be here

joy (underworld office): 1 submission, friend bias. the mc is going through wild ghost related problems and she's just going . hey man. you good??? r's sister submitted her and im not letting her down dude she's awesome

junpei (zero escape): 3 submissions, personal bias. he is literally the only character who has no connection to the larger mystery he's just there because he loves 1 girl. he's PAINFULLY and VITALLY just a dude. i need him

horse (centaurworld): 1 submission. i thought it'd be really funny to include just a horse. her name is horse. thats fucking awesome dude

phone guy (fnaf): 2 submissions. he was the only character from fnaf that got more than 1 submission and there were like 9 fnaf submissions i kinda felt bad tbh. he was also the best example of just some guy out of all the fnaf submissions

gordon freeman (hlvrai): 1 submission. he is a guy playing a video game. he is the straight man to the rest of the crews antics and by god he plays his role well

joshua gillespie (tma): 4 submissions, friend bias, hilarious descriptions. he avoids getting killed because he's so good at following instructions despite him clearly supposed to be dying here. they said don't open the coffin so he didn't. simply don't tuesday

namari (dungeon meshi): 1 submission, personal bias. i like her c: she's pretty level headed compared to like. everyone else in laios's crew. she seems like somebody i could just be friends with and hang out with

shez (fire emblem): 3 submissions, hilarious descriptions. i might try getting into fire emblem because of this. ok so they got murdered in a previous game off screen and now they're the playable character of a new game in a new timeline and they're fucking everything up because they're just supposed to be some guy? thats so fucking funny holy shit i want to know more

henry stickmin (henry stickmin): 1 submission. henry stickmin. like idk i dont feel like i gotta explain this one he's a stickman

stanley (tsp): guaranteed entry

whole (chonny jash): 1 submission, friend bias. tbh i saw him and went oh fuck yeah thats the thing my friends like and then i put him in there. i dont actually know enough about chonny jash to say anything on this but i fully trust the submitter knew what they were doing

larry (pokemon): guaranteed entry

luke carder (inscryption): 1 submission, friend bias, good description. he is just a normal youtuber in the lore of the game. he fucking love card game. good for him man good for him

leorio (hxh): 3 submissions, friend bias, good descriptions. idk a lot about hxh but the descriptions of him compared to the other main characters was pretty convincing

barry the quokka (sonic): guaranteed entry

april o'neil (tmnt): 1 submission, friend bias. absolutely normal girl that just happens to be the one that found the turtles and become their friend

tsuzuru (a3!): 3 submissions, friend bias. descriptions definitely made him feel like a good fit. he's so good at being just some guy i actually thought he was a different character and was shocked when i went to grab images for the tourney and he wasnt the guy i thought he was. which is really funny. like who the fuck is he then. this didn't change my opinion or anything it was just so good

matt (woe.begone): 1 submission. woe.begone fans have ALWAYS been kind to me so they got some mod bias sprinkled in. i dont know what this guys deal is but in the dbtn tourney the guy who got in there had a giant fucking list of things that are happening to him all the time and apparently thats just what woe.begone is like so i believe it when told matt is normal in comparison. everything else is so batshit wild I Just Believe You

gilear (fantasy high): 2 submissions. he seems to be just a dad. wasn't going to get in at first tbh just for personal reasons but i was running out of characters that i felt actually fit the tournament well so ultimately he got in

emmet (lego movie): 4 submissions. honestly with the number of submissions we got, 4 submissions was basically a guaranteed entry. and emmet's whole story is about being just some guy

stahl (fire emblem): 1 submission, hilarious description. fire emblem fans are so funny. what do you mean he can only be perfectly average because everyone else improves/gets worse with him to keep him perfectly average. what the fuck. thats so good

doug (wolf359): 2 entries. i dont know jack shit about wolf359 and honestly the submissions didn't tell me a lot but it was enough to figure he qualifies and i was running out of characters that felt good for the tourney. i trust you wolf359 fans

jack townsend (tales from the gas station): 1 submission, good description. he works at an evil gas station and the description gave me no follow up on what an evil gas station is which is awesome. apparently the horrors are constantly happening and he's just kinda staring at them. he's not paid enough for this

frisk (undertale): guaranteed entry

brian pasternack (yuppie psycho): 1 submission. im gonna be super honest with you here. i dont remember. i know he qualifies but i have 0 thoughts about him. maybe thats a good thing in this tourney. he's an average office worker who has now been tasked with killing The Witch.

trevor (american arcadia): 4 submissions, personal bias, good descriptions. dude i fucking love american arcadia it's so fucking good what a nightmare. he's so normal they were going to kill him for not being entertaining enough

[shephar]

It came to me in a vision (hah).

Furina (Genshin Impact, what else did you expect at this point) x Persona 3 (Reload, specifically).

It's under the cut, seriously what do you expect. Spoilers for P5's Black Mask, and P3 in general, and the end of P2

Warnings: Canon-typical suicidal imagery, death, the everlooming concept of death being inevitable and unstoppable even with supercool magic powers : )

"Come! Typhon!"

Furina's a special case in terms of Persona Users, she's much like the Black Mask in that she has two Personae, except she's not a Wild Card, Furina's just fucked up.

Her main, damage dealing Persona is Oceanus, the Greek Titan of Seas(hah) and Waters. This form mainly uses Aquas*, Mudo/Ei, and Buff skills. Oceanus favors Attack and Speed.

Her secondary, support Persona is Poseidon, the Greek god of the Sea. This one uses Aquas*, Hama/Kou, and healing skills. Poseidon favors Defense and SP, having higher HP and SP stats than Oceanus.

*Aquas is actually a damage type from the Persona 1 and 2 games, which was later taken out for reasons I didn't know.

Side note, the Bless and Curse skills are blatantly just in reference to the Ousia and Pneuma blocks in Fontaine.

"Well, I'm going to die anyway, so why not join SEES?"

Furina, because I hate myself, is basically just dying throughout the story of P3. In the story it's theorized that it's because she has the two Personae and that normal, non-Wild Cards normally aren't able to handle more than one Persona at a time*.

However, that's completely incorrect the player will learn during her S.Link, she has two Personae because she's just fucked up and possibly because she's dying**.

*I HC this came to be because of the world split after P2 and thus the people in general left their original souls behind, only leaving with unknowingly a fragment of themselves after the Split.

**I've thought about what would happen if a P3 Persona User was literally just dying, completely unrelated to their Persona, and I've thought that they just get stronger, in this AU it may or may not have affected her ability to summon two Personae.

Or, maybe, the knowledge that even if shooting herself with the Evoker doesn't kill her, she will die due to whatever illness she has anyway. Who knows : ).

"Furina, a third year at Gekkoukan High, suffers from an unknown illness."

Her ultimate Persona is Odysseus. I was going to do Focalors but that's obvious so I didn't. Odysseus, instead of having Bless or Curse skills, has stronger Buff and Healing skills, like P5R's Neo Cadenza but it also heals 15 SP.

Odysseus has a high SP stat but lacks HP, instead favoring hitting incredibly hard with Aquas skills and making sure not to die with their Dia skills.

"Things are getting interesting! Let the show go on!"

Her Arcana is The Actor, which is much like the Jester in P4 in that it's another name for the Fool, in this AU, at least. Or the Star, depending on which you like more.

Her Tarot card is meant literally in that she's putting on an act of being happy all the time, because, you know, she's dying and fighting literal monsters from hell itself.

She's putting on a Persona, you could say. I'll see myself out-

"So what! If the world ends either way, I'm going out fighting. I won't keel over like an animal!"

When the Choice during Christmas comes around, she's very vocal and ready to fight Nyx even before anyone else gets the chance to contemplate it. She's been fighting for a happy ending her entire life, so of course she's going to fight even when it's hopeless.

If the player chooses to kill Ryoji, even after she loses her memory the S.Link will be permanently reversed unless you reload (hah) or do NG+

To her, not putting up a fight when both outcomes are equally terrible makes not a lick of sense.

"Truthfully, I thought Nyx would be... A lot scarier?"

Choosing to fight Nyx Avatar is how her Persona is evolved, her will to fight is fully realized.

"I feel a little stronger, but I think it's the adrenaline talking?"

The Ultimate Persona of the Actor Arcana is Focalors.

"It's strange, it feels like this year flew by. What... What did I do this year, anyway?"

She doesn't remember the Dark Hour immediately, however she remembers quicker than most. This is because she is Just Like That, AKA her natural affinity for both Curse and Bless/Light and Dark elements and her dual Persona is what makes her just a little less susceptible to her mind being messed with than the others.

She remembers after the P3 Protagonist, but a day or two before the other party members, basically.

"Close your eyes, we'll be here when you wake up."

Extras:

She is banned from the kitchen.

Her S.Link is night time only, and it's unlockable fairly quickly, not requiring any Social Stats, even raising the players Social Stats so they're optimal playthrough for Orpheus Telos isn't interrupted.

If her S.Link is done before completing Akinari's, they have an interaction where they chat about dying at a young age. Teehee.

She dies like a week after the Protagonist.

This took six hours since I'm working and easily distracted.

[ronandhermy]

So KinnPorsche Pete as a Boxer AU I will probably never write and so am letting out into the wild. 

So Pete is an illegal boxer who never came to the attention of the main family. He’d probably be just as feral underneath his happy go lucky exterior but I think he might be a little worse at hiding it.

Now picture this: Vegas is taken by his dad to one of the underground fight rings. Maybe to give Vegas the lay of the land, maybe to prove a point, maybe for Vegas to watch the bookies. Whatever the reason, a younger Vegas watches a few of the fights and then it’s Pete’s turn to fight. Gun (being terrible all over) bets against Pete because why bet on the guy everyone seems to be friends with (obviously in Gun’s twisted mind those at the top do not have friends.) And Vegas, being a little shit and for whatever reason, goes against his dad and bets on Pete. The beginning of minor rebellions etc. The head bookie or whatever is pleased with Vegas’s choice and it pays off because Pete beats the ever living shit out of his opponent. At the end of it Pete is called over to introduce himself to the very important men and he’s back into his ~happy~ Pete persona but it’s too late now. Vegas has seen him. He’s gotten a glimpse of what is underneath. Cue Vegas, little punk, making himself a nuisance around Pete and the rink.

I could see all of a sudden Vegas’s private life becoming exceptionally private the more he gets into a relationship with Pete. Like no one know where the hell he disappears to but when he turns back up sometimes he has blood under his nails and bruises on his neck (spoiler, he and Pete kicked the shit out of a guy and then had kinky sex. It was a great time had by all...except for the guy they kicked the shit out of. ) But I also love the idea of Vegas just having this person, this place, out of his father’s sphere.

In this AU, of course, Pete and Porsche are friends having met on the boxing circuit.  Pete would maybe come to live with Porsche and Porchay which means that when Porsche is pretty much kidnapped into being a bodyguard that Porchay isn’t left to the wolves and/or a stray Kim. But also imagine having Pete and Vegas as surrogate big brothers of Porchay? Just picture it for a minute. Also Vegas finding out where Porsche is and Porsche being like “Don’t tell Pete and Porchay” and Vegas having to explain he doesn’t lie to Pete. However, he will freely like to Porchay who is like a kitten.

But this also reinforces and allows for my “let Vegas and Porsche be buddies damn it” agenda. Because Porsche, even knowing that Vegas is shady --and then learning just how fucking shady shady is--is going to be firmly “Vegas Is a Good Big Brother and Therefor He Is My Good Pal.” Which, imagine Porsche and Vegas keeping their relationship on the downlow so that Porsche won’t have an even harder time as a major family bodyguard and Kinn being uber suspicious and jealous. Because Porsche would say something like “oh, I’m not into that” (referring, of course, to Vegas and Pete’s codependency and BDSM) and Kinn is going to take it as “oh, I’m not into men” and sulk for a bit.

But also imagine Kim walking into Porchay’s house only to be confronted by 1. Pete and 2. Pete’s boyfriend who happens to be his fucking cousin Vegas. Like, I just picture a scene where Vegas, Pete, and Kim are fucking lying through their teeth in front of Porchay so as not to give the game away but there is so much underlying tension. And Porchay is just like “Vegas =( Did you lie? =( When you said you liked Wik’s music??? =(((” And it’s like, oh my poor sweet summer child, you have three feral cats in a small enclosed space. It’s not going to end well.

Anyway, if anyone wants this story please feel free to take this plot bunny, give it a good home, and let it run wild

[selfspinninglies]

[Insert cool title here I don't have 1 anyway this is 4 divine intervention]

@justletmereadmycomics I FUCKING DID IT I'M DONE ‼️‼️

tws: violence, body horror, cult shit, religion, human sacrifice, implied religious trauma

word count: 1420 [<- this was supposed 2 b smth short . that did not happen]

Red.

Red and and gradients of skintones and hands that were not their own. Desperate writhing, clawing, pleading, screaming that did belong to them. All were ignored and instead focused on a chant of some variety.

After they were finished the world was silent aside from their continued shrieks. They were never a loud person, but that polite persona was thrown away in the face of death and utter terror.

Silence briefly sliced through the air as something sliced through their skin.

The worst pain of their life etched it's way into their body. A disgustingly loud sound clawed out of their throat, emaciating the developing silence.

They couldn't see what it was that had tore through them, as whenever they struggled or writhed additional hands would join the others that were set upon their twitching, newly bloodied body. Brought together by flesh and belief, yet completely disconnected from the torture coursing through their vessel by the same.

They breathed heavily and rapidly as they tried to wrap their head around the entire experience, which was difficult to do with the unrivaled amount of adrenalin and pure terror that poured into their brain.

Thoughts began to blur as their head pounded. Blood poured from the wound, glistening in its own terrifying beauty like a river on a particularly sunny day.

Unfortunately, this was nowhere near the end of their suffering. A single stab in the arm, no matter how painful, wouldn't suffice. More blood needed to spill.

The unknown weapon exited their skin, causing their body to seize again. It quickly reentered, making another groove and stabbing another exposed area.

This process was repeated more times than their diluted brain could count, sounds made of their misery struggling to pass their mouth. Eventually the noise died as did any movement from them that wasn't small twichtes and the dwindling movement of their chest in response to breathing.

The only constant was their eyes boring into the blurry shape of their torturer in the corners of their vision. Wild eyes examined distant, uncaring ones.

After far too long the weapon exited their body and did not sink itself in again. Several gaping holes had been made, most being deepened several times by further stabs.

The idea behind this method of killing is to weaken the sacrifice, drawing out the most pain and blood from them. It was said to be a valuable thing in showing your dedication to whatever deity you were doing this for. Though usually, this kind of ritual wasn't as brutal and didn't kill the person, but this group was particularly desperate. Something drastic had to be done.

And so it was.

They felt hands pulling on them again. There was no scratching or yelling this time, only the sound of an abused body being pulled against the ground, clothes rustling, and a slight breeze passing through the area. Today would be peaceful if not for the blood seeping into the soil.

Another phrase was said after the others were done moving them, likely to seal the ritual and officially end it. There was no empathy for the vessel disposed of on the ground. Only hope that god had heard them.

It was surprising that they were still alive. The lacerations along their limbs bled heavily and stung, sending electric seething red pain along their nerves. The others seem to have thought they were dead or passing over since the stabbing ceased. They weren't far from the truth. There was only so much a stubborn teenager could withstand in terms of ritual sacrifice.

The world was painfully unaware of their situation, it seemed. The sky was painted in shades of sunset, the forest bathed in pinks, oranges, yellows, and small hints of purple. Birds flew overhead, singing and traveling freely. How ironic.

Vegetation swayed peacefully in the breeze, nearby grasses stained in viscera with its owner laying there. Leaves rustled loudly, soaking in the depleting sun as they soaked in their depleting blood. The mixed smell of herbs and metal was sickening to a physical extent.

At least if they died here their corpse would be used by the plants.

Despite everything they still didn't want to die now. Even with the cause being to appease a deity that they were told their entire existence to do and sacrifice everything for. Is this what was supposed to happen? What god wanted from them?

Pleas filled their mind. Don't let me die like this please don't let me die like this I don't want to leave now help please help I don't want to hurt anymore fix me

Begging had turned into prayer before they realized. It was instinctual. The only thing they were told to rely on their entire life was their belief.

God had heard one of them.

Something dragged at their being, moving them to somewhere strange and distant. It began as a slow, gentle motion, then abruptly transitioned to a violent rip out of this existence.

Their environment was now completely absent, the colors had faded into dark nothingness and the peaceful dissonance of the woodlands was replaced with absolute silence.

In a panic, they try to sit up to no avail. Their body was still torn from the ritual, some rips still bleeding passionately. The pain was sharp and crisp, so they knew that this wasn't some sort of fucked up dream.

A question pries itself through their teeth before they know if there's something to answer it.

"..Is this the afterlife..?"

Their voice sounds horribly pathetic, volume barely being at an audible level. It was also shaky and coarse, the sound making it clear that it took a large amount of effort to manage.

A strange noise that might be a laugh makes itself known somewhere that Aether cannot see. A large voice, echoing and confident, responds.

"No, though your life is hanging on only by a small thread of need."

A pause. "What?"

It only takes a few moments for more inquiries to bud in their head. They don't give a window for answer.

"Who are you? What is this place?"

It takes far too much effort to make their words come out in a timely manner.

A vague figure can be made out of the inky shade of the space, the only thing clear about it being the imposing size.

It smiles and answers only one question, simply. "God."

.

.

.

"In the face of god, you must beg for forgiveness. Your being is dirtied with sin. You must beg to be cleansed."

.

.

"God's job is not to care for you, but to observe and change as necessary. If it is necessary god will not spare you."

.

.

"You do not deserve god. It does not deserve your burdens."

.

.

"When you witness god, you must destroy yourself for it."

.

.

.

Excerpts of teachings buzzed inside their skull, filling the void of sound that sat eternally in this space. For them, at least.

Unfinished words and letters stumbled out of their mouth before they knew what was happening. They frantically searched for the correct words to no avail.

They were interuppted when it began speaking again.

"Shush. Your soul is shattered. Your vessel is destroyed. I can put you back together."

The world swam and spun. Their skin felt like it was writhing away from their bones. The sensation was disgusting and alien. Pinpricks of feeling raced up and down their injuries. There was no room in their mind for questions.

The wounds began to close themselves, skin moving back into place and blood flowing back into them. Dizzying sickening experiences blended with the horror of believed unreality. Their body convulsed in response to it all.

Something that felt like hands covered their eyes and tilted their head upwards in a sudden, uncaring motion. A whisper made its way into their ears.

"This body is ours now, Aether."

Everything faded out again.

.

.

"Anything unnatural must be destroyed."

.

.

They could feel grass against their body. A gentle breeze pushed through them. Light of various hues painted their skin. A bug buzzed its wings. A light scent of tangy metal made itself known in the air from blood that had dried on the greenery.

They sat up with surprising ease. Nothing ached except their head and (briefly) their eyes readjusting to the light.

What were they, if not unnatural?

What were they at all?

Their very existence went against everything they had ever known.

And yet.

Here they were.

They stood and walked away from it all.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

get to know me tag from @heffer-wen this is a good one!

tagging: @perfectpiety @echthr0s @colorsofmyseason @kvaradonaa @protect-daniel-james @thundercrack @arsenalgbt @steeple-sinderby-wanderers @lamperry4ever (this is all optional of course!!!)

1. Do you make your bed?

I only properly make my bed when I change my sheets, but I can't stand to have the bed looking janky when i come home, so I wrestle with my thicc blanket until it's decently even and neat on the bed, and if the pillows have gone wild I'll straighten them out a little. if any of my over 9000 stuffed animals are on the floor I'll pick them up of course.

2. Favourite number?

24! my birthday, and a nice solid good number, can fit lots of other numbers into it. 17 has been an Important number for my bff and me, and I have a religion based fondness for 18...but 24 it is.

3. What's your job?

my job is very cool and specific and I love it, but it's not one I would ever want to mix with my online persona for various reasons. in fact I've always worked in an "industry" that I think should never mix with my nsfw ways on here. always happy to talk about it in private!

4. If you could go back to school would you?

oh hale to the FUCK no. I hate school. I haven't liked school since I graduated high school. my brain can't be made to think like that and do so much work to other people's specifications--and then there's sitting in class and having to listen to other people talk, I couldn't give less of a shit if I tried! I'm a voracious self directed learner--I want to learn something new like, every second--but this doesn't translate well into a school setting.

unfortunately--a job I think would be really cool to have, I'd have to get a master's and certification, and while I think I'd be great at the job, I'd be right shit at the kind of work the degree requires you to do to pass. (I could easily do the job with good mentoring and maybe like...one course, but that's how so many things are.) Maybe if I marry rich I'd go back! Frank lampard step the fuck up!

5. Can you parallel park?

I could do it just to pass my driver's test and have done it like. twice since. I'm terrible 😭 I have visual-spatial-perceptual whatever deficits and just can't do it. I also have a spot missing from my peripheral vision on my left side so parking on that side is even more confusing. my sister however is great at those things and yet she also can barely parallel park, you should see the two of us try to do it together, it's a full on yakety sax comedy. the WORST is here in the city, people stop on the street and give you unsolicited advice while you park and this gives me so much anxiety that I can't even remember what to do.

6. Do you think aliens are real?

not really? I suppose there's sentient life somewhere but is it likely to be humanoid? I'm terrified of space (I'm one of those would rather go to the bottom of the ocean than outer space freaks) so I try not to think about it

7. Can you drive a manual car?

what to heck,,,,,,,,,,,,of course I can't 🇺🇸 shamed by having to pay more to rent an automatic when I've driven in Europe

8. Guilty pleasure?

disregarding my dietary restrictions? I also have the bad habit of reading what scents my hot favs wear and then buying cheap samples. today one arrived that I forgot I'd ordered so now my wrists smell like chanel allure. I'm indifferent? it smells like Ladies' Perfume

what else...idk, I'm not too guilty about my pleasures really

9. Tattoos?

none--I have a couple of ideas, but have never been tempted to actually do it?

10. Favourite colour?

black and pink!

11. Favourite type of music?

I like things that are loud and repetitive and insistent. sometimes screechy. I like listening to other languages. my favorite instrument is the bagpipes (how do I say that in a grammatically correct way ffs) if that helps! will always go for: good rap/hip hop, 80s thrash metal, eastern european/balkan folk music, techno (the darker and more berghainy the better), other weird electronica, the beatles, most things that came out of the 80s

12. Do you like puzzles?

the kind with pieces? those are fun, I just don't have any room to spread one out. other kinds, like logic and shit, absolutely not, my brain doesn't work like that at all

13. Any phobias?

insects, and the main one: food contamination, but not the kind you're thinking--I definitely am more anxious than the average person about the food I eat being contaminated, but what the phobia actually is is more like...places where food shouldn't be being contaminated by bits of food...It's very specific and I've always had it but it's getting worse as I get older. like, imagine if you go into a restaurant and there's a couple of crumbs on the chair, or like, a bit of dirt on the underside of the waiter's tray. you'll just brush them off, right? or like, just not care about the bottom of a tray? I feel sick to my stomach and my heart is racing a bit just imagining this. what a privilege!

I'm also fucking terrified of being alone in elevators, but I'm not sure if that counts as a phobia? (I'm afraid of getting stuck in one by myself--as long as there's another person in there I don't care lol)

14. Favourite childhood sport?

swimming was my only one--I begged for lessons, started young, and was pretty good, did a swim team and everything. otherwise I am horrible at sports--I can't run (never could), and have no hand-eye coordination (did some occupational therapy at age 18 but it was Too Late), and again, those visual perceptual spatial issues! I wasn't terrible at floor hockey and volleyball in gym class I guess. footy was my worst 😭 in 8 years of gym I scored one goal--an own goal

15. Do you talk to yourself?

Not really.

16. What movies do you adore?

hmmm...I am not a huge movies person, but here's a list:

mulholland drive

mary poppins

the producers (mostel/wilder, 1967)

willy wonka & the chocolate factory (gene wilder version ONLY)

little miss sunshine

moulin rouge

cabaret

my cousin vinny

run lola run

y tu mamá también

the sound of music

chicago

kill bill vol. 1

cidade de deus

diarios de motocicleta

buena vista social club (not without its problematic side, but the musicians/music is so joyous)

the wedding singer

anklaget/the accused (weird danish movie that I don't think anyone i know has heard of?)

le dîner de cons

kamchatka

imagine me and you

ghostbusters 2016 (i will DIE on this hill)

brokeback mountain

team america: world police

rear window

amadeus

the crow

the incredibles

spaceballs

a shot in the dark

airplane!

romeo + juliet

school of rock

american psycho

uncut gems

rebecca

dial m for murder

17. Tea or coffee?

coffee! please. tea makes me feel a bit sick

18. First thing you wanted to be growing up?

I wanted to be an opera singer and a "lady mover" (we moved twice in the span of like, 2 and a half years when I was little)

[mlarayoukai]

I've had a few people ask me (at least 5 different people) about ps vita hacking, so here's some quick tips:

Japanese vitas are cheaper and available in way more colors. They are region free and have options for other languages in the settings. The only thing is the o and x buttons are swapped, but when hacking there's an options to swap the buttons back. I got my pink and white Japanese vita for $165 in total, you could honestly get a white or black one for decently cheaper, about $100-140, used

To start off there's 2 vita models; the "fat" original release with an oled screen and partial metal casing, and the battery is about 3 hours, and uses a proprietary charger. The other model, the slim, has an lcd screen with all plastic casing but the battery is about 4-6 hours and is thinner, and uses a universal micro USB charger. It really is up to preference but I prefer the slim

I don't have a specific guide because I did it months ago so you'll have to go looking for a guide yourself

I'll say right off the bat don't bother downloading emulaters for Nintendo games. They usually don't run well. If you are hacking a vita you definitely have many other options to play them so don't even bother. The ds emulater on the vita SEEMS cool but you probably won't be using it often

The vita can easily run ps, ps2, psp games but again, you'll have to find tutorials yourself. This being said if you play psp games on the vita the aspect ratio is fucked and will look a little bit blurry. Ps and ps2 games will use the back touch pad for the l2 and r2 buttons

Don't don't have to buy anything special BUT if you want storage that isn't the memorystick, you'll have to buy a micro SD card converter, usually around $10. Hacking will give you an option to use sd cards

There are some homebrew games but most are incomplete and honestly nothing to write home(brew) about

That's it

Personal recommendations for games:

Disgaea 3: it's also available on ps3, but has not been ported to anything since then. The vita port is the definitive edition and is my favorite in the series. Disgaea 1, 2, 4, and spin offs are also available on vita. While 3 is my favorite, 4 is the best in the series, but it available on modern consoles and pc

Ys 8: a superb game I don't hear many people talk about. Also available on modern consoles on pc. Ys origin and ys memories of celceta are also available on vita, and several other ys games are available on other Sony consoles, so you can play most ys games on your vita

Katamari touch: probably my favorite katamari, but it's only 2 hours long. Vita exclusive

There's a bunch of indie games also available

Other games such has persona and danganronpa are also available on vita, but I haven't played those

In general, there's probably only a dozen exclusives worth playing

To end this I think owning a vita is worth wild, especially hacking it. As of right now you cannot officially play psp or vita games, and probably won't ever be able to play the vita exclusives. By owning and hacking a vita, you have about 15 years of sony games on one console. I personally love not giving Sony a single cent for playing their games