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hamliet · 4 years ago

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The Girl Who Gets to Have It All: Buffy Summers

So with @linkspooky‘s encouragement, I have binged Buffy the Vampire Slayer and relived my childhood culture. And, it's a 10/10 for me. Not that it doesn't have flaws, but it's genuinely one of the best stories I've seen, with consistent character arcs, powerful themes, and a beautiful message. It's also like... purportedly about vampires and demons and superpowered chosen ones, but it's actually all about humanity.

Buffy was able to be a teenage girl, allowed to like the things teen girls are scorned for (boys, shopping, etc), to be insecure about the thing teenage girls are insecure about (future careers, dating, school, parents), and to be a superhero with its good and its bad aspects. The story wasn’t afraid to call Buffy on her flaws (sometimes she got in a very ‘I am the righteous chosen one’ mode) and to respect and honor each of her desires (to be a good person, to be loved, and more). The story listened to what she wanted and respected her desires, giving her the challenges needed to overcome her flaws while also never teaching her a lesson about wanting bad boys or romance is silly or any manner of dark warnings stories like to throw at teenage girls.

It respected teenage girls--nerdy girls like Willow, jocks like Buffy, lonely wallflowers with trauma like Dawn, and popular/snobby ones like Cordelia, girls gone wild like Faith. It never once reduced them to the stereotypes that were lurking right there: each character was fully rounded, human, flawed and yet with respected interests and goals. This is so rare for a story that I’m still in awe.

The story as a whole follows Buffy from 15 to 21, of her as she grows from teenager to adult. She acts like a teenager and grows to act like a young adult, wrestling with loneliness and duty. The adults, like Giles, Joyce, and Jenny, are not perfect either, but neither are they “bad parents” or “bad mentors” necessarily. Joyce in particular says something terrible to Buffy, but she tries to do better, and it’s rare to see a parent in YA stories shown with such nuance. Basically, it wrote the long-lasting adult characters as human beings, too.

Speaking of growing up, I appreciated how Buffy’s love interests mirrored this. Angel was someone Buffy loved and admired, wanted to be like, but who was always either extreme good or extreme bad, and combined with Buffy’s own tendencies towards black-white thinking, made for a beautiful relationship to help her grow, but didn’t necessarily form a foundation for a long-term partner. Spike, on the other hand... they both saw each other at their worst and were drawn to each other even then, and were inspired to become better because they couldn’t bear to be a person who treated the other person so wrongly. They pushed each other to become the best them they could be, and believed in each other. Also, Spuffy is an enemies to lovers ship for the ages.

(Also, most of the other ships were well-done or at least can be understood. Riley was very obviously wrong for Buffy which paralleled Harmony and Spike in being 100% wrong for each other. Cordelia and Xander were a fun ship even if we all knew it would never last, and Willow and Oz were beautiful and cute. But Xander and Anya and Willow and Tara? OTPs. As were Giles and Jenny, the librarian and the computer teacher.)

That said, it’s not a perfect series. No story is. All of the characters and ships had problematic aspects to them worthy of critique, and the writing is very 90s in a lot of ways. It’s a product of its time, and in many ways it’s good society has progressed beyond some of the tropes/metaphors used in the show. In other way, though, the show was ahead of its time, and in a good way it wasn’t bound by the fear of purity policing with its takes on redemption (many characters would never fly today).

So, in order of seasons ranked from my very favorite to my “still enjoyed it very much” (no season was actually bad, imo), here’s my review. I’ll also review my top 10 villains in the show, because Buffy does villains very well in terms of the redeemable and irredeemable.

Season 7: Yep, the final season was my favorite.

Overall Opinion: Buffy's finale is literally "f*ck them men, our power is ours" and while it seems cheesy it actually works (also, f*ck in both a literal and figurative sense). The series strongly hit all the themes: love as strength, and redemption. Buffy consistently shows love as her strength--*all* kinds of love. Friendship w Willow/Xander, familial with Joyce/Dawn, romantic with Spike/Angel. These types of love are also never pitted against each other as is so often the case in current-day media. It's beautiful. Also, Spike’s confrontation with Wood was so powerful in terms of exploring forgiveness, redemption, and reconciliation: where they overlap and where they don't, and what it means to move forward.

Unpopular Opinion: I have seen a lot didn’t like the inclusion of Potential Slayers, and while I agree they could have been better incorporated/characterized, it was a great way to show Buffy’s final stage of growing up to be ending her chosen one status and projecting/multiplying her powers over the world.

Biggest Critique: Kennedy was female Riley--the anti-Tara to Riley’s anti-Angel (by ‘anti’ I mean opposite in every way). Kennedy was annoying and immature. Her role, like Riley’s, was less about exploring her as a character and more about her just being stamped as “love interest: lesbian.”

Favorite Episodes: Beneath You, Lies My Parents Told Me, Touched, Chosen

Season 6:

Overall Opinion: I said this on Twitter, but I felt like this was Buffy’s The Last Jedi or Empire Strikes Back moment. It is polarizing and dark, deconstructing the tropes it stands on--but by digging to the core of these tropes, it actually makes what’s good about them shine brighter. Everyone’s enemy was the worst versions of themselves. Giles left Buffy, Willow's struggle to relate to the world led to her trying to destroy it, Buffy hurt everyone through her anger, Xander abandoned Anya at the altar, Spike... yeah. It ages well as an integral part of the story, and the Trio were eerily prophetic.

Unpopular Opinion: Dawn is a great character with a good arc. A traumatized teen acting out and struggling to come to terms with loss and identity? She wasn’t whiny; she was realistic.

Biggest Critique: Willow’s addiction coding (I’ll discuss this below) and Seeing Red as an episode. I see the argument for both of its controversial scenes from a narrative perspective: Willow starts the season not grieving Buffy but instead being determined to fix it with magic and needs to learn to grieve, but. Still. Bury your gays is not a good look. For the Spike scene... he conflates sex/passion and violence (”love is blood, children” is something he said way back in season 3), but like Tara’s death, it had more to do with Spike (as Tara’s death did for Willow) than with Buffy’s arc, and as for the actual execution... they really botched that. Did it like... have to go on that long or go that far? No. Also, the framing was good, but inconsistent with the rest of the series (Xander to Buffy in the hyena episode, Faith to Xander and to Riley, etc.)

Favorite Episodes: Once More With Feeling, Smashed, Grave

Season 3 (tied with Season 5):

Overall Opinion: The opening continuity of Buffy meeting Lily/Anne after saving her life in Season 2 was sweet. The Witchhunt episode had really powerful subtext: stories of deaths that aren’t even true are actually demons that possess the town and convince them to turn against their children in the name of protecting the children. It’s a good commentary on, oh, everything in society. Faith’s character arc was fantastic, and her chemistry with Buffy was off the charts (look, I may be Spuffy all the way, but Fuffy has rights). The finale was satisfying in so many ways, seeing the entire graduating class unite to destroy the Mayor and the school with it, symbolizing Buffy et al’s readiness to move on to college. Oz's relationship with Willow was very sweet and meaningful for a first romance for Willow.

Unpopular Opinion: I actually don’t really have one. Maybe that the miracle in Amends was earned? I think you can make a decent case that Season 3 is the best written of the seasons, but can only truly be thematically appreciated to its full potential in the light of subsequent seasons (which finish Faith’s arc and deconstruct Buffy’s).

Biggest Critique: It forgot Buffy killed the hyena guy in Season 1, making her continual insistence that she can’t kill people very ?????

Favorite Episodes: Lovers Walk, Amends, Graduation Day Part 2

Season 5, which ties with Season 3:

Overall Opinion: The entire season is about family and what it means, from Tara’s to Buffy’s to the Scoobies. I loved Glory aka Enoshima Junko as the Big Bad, I loved Dawn’s interesting meta commentary on retconning (like, the fact that she’s retconned in matters), and most of my ships are still alive. Joyce’s relationship with Spike is one of the most heartwarming aspects, and Spike’s arc’s desire is clearly highlighted: he wants to be seen as a person. The episodes after Joyce’s death are the most honest portrayals of grief I’ve ever seen, and absolutely brutal to watch.

Unpopular Opinion: Buffy’s choice at the end seems a deliberate inversion of her choice at the end of Season 2 (sacrifice a loved one to save the world), but it actually isn’t: much like at the end of Season 2 where Buffy skips town because she’s devastated after killing Angel and doesn’t want to sort out being expelled, her mom knowing she’s the slayer, and her own trauma, Buffy’s sacrifice here was as much about her wanting the easy way out of relationships, family, college, etc. as it was about saving Dawn. Buffy’s death is coded as a suicide, which Season 6 emphasizes as well.

Biggest Critique: Like Season 3, I don’t have a lot to critique here. I wish the suicidal coding had been a little more obvious in Season 5 itself, but also I’m not sure it could have been more obvious; it’s pretty apparent if you pay attention. Maybe also that Buffy and Riley’s relationship failing should have been more squarely blamed on Riley, you know, being insecure and cheating.

Favorite Episodes: Family, Fool for Love, Intervention.

Season 2:

Overall Opinion: Heartbreakingly tragic but exciting and revealing at the same time. It asked the viewer interesting questions about redemption and forgiveness and atonement through Angel being honest about his past, and then decided to show us his past now reenacted, challenging us. And still, we saw them save him in a parallel to saving Willow in Season 6 (but Season 2 was tragic because it wasn’t enough, while Season 6 was not). Jenny’s death was agonizing, and the scene were Angel watches Buffy, Willow, and Joyce get the news through the window was powerful. We didn’t have to hear them to get the grief.

Unpopular Opinion: Jenny’s death isn’t a fridging; it works for her arc too when you consider her history. She worked to save the person whose life she was tasked to ruin, and it cost her her own--yet she still succeeded, because Jenny brought joy and wisdom to the show. Kendra’s death, on the other hand... was because they needed the stakes to be high--but we already knew that before she died. So, her death was useless.

Biggest Critique: The subtext was Not It. It was essentially “do not have sex. Your older boyfriend will lose his soul, kill your friends, you’ll lose your family, your school, your home, and have to kill your true love or else hell will literally swallow earth.”

Favorite Episodes: School Hard, Passion, Becoming Part 2.

Season 1:

Overall Opinion: I really liked it; it’s just lower on this list because the others are just better. It’s a great introduction to the series and to its characters, from Giles to Buffy to Willow to Jenny to Cordelia. It has great subtext a lot of the time (for example, Natalie French as She-Mantis is a literal predatory bug who engages in predatory behavior with students). Additionally, it subverts the typical YA trope of two guys and a girl, in which the girl is usually the least interesting character. Buffy and Willow were both fully fledged characters from the beginning with distinct strengths (even before Willow became a witch, as she wasn’t one in season 1 yet), while Xander was the more ordinary of the group.

Unpopular Opinion/Biggest Critique: Xander’s arc showed its first flaws that unfortunately continued throughout the series: his writing was either very good or very indulgent in ways it never was for other characters. (cough, the hyena episode, cough, in which he gets to skirt responsibility--and acknowledges that he is skirting it--for something the show will later hold others to account for). Xander’s just kind of inconsistent, which weakened his character over all. (Which is why both his love interests--Cordelia and then ultimately Anya--were good for him: they did not indulge him.)

Favorite Episode: Witch, Nightmares.

Season 4:

Overall Opinion: it’s still a good season. It’s a good portrayal of college and the growing pains of branching out, the strains of college growth on relationships (romantic and platonic). It shows us the first hints of Spuffy, giving us some serious Jungian symbolism between Spike and Buffy early on, and does well in establishing Xander/Anya and Willow/Tara as beautiful OTPs. Faith and Buffy’s foiling is fantastic. The Halloween episode was very fun as well. However, it suffers because its Big Bad, Adam, is not all that compelling thematically--yet, he could have been. See, the final battle pulls off the Power of Friendship in a really strong way but notably the season does not end there. Instead, it ends on dreams of each character’s worst fears, continuing what we saw in Nightmares in Season 1. Why? Because it shows us that the characters’ wars aren’t against monsters, but monsters of their own making: their flaws. Adam, as a literal Frankenstein, exemplifies this, but it wasn’t capitalized on as well as it could have been.

Unpopular Opinion: Beer Bad isn’t a bad episode, at the very least because Buffy gets to punch Parker. It’s not one of the series’ best, obviously, but it does give Buffy an arc in that she gets her daydream of Parker begging her to come back, but she has overcome that desire and her desire for revenge. If we wanna talk about bad subtext in Season 4, Season 2′s Not It sex subtext continues in the Where the Wild Things Are episode in this season; it’s a powerful callout of abusive purity-culture churches, until the fact that the shame creates a literal curse undermines the progressive message it’s supposed to send. Also, the Thanksgiving episode (Pangs) is a nightmare of white guilt and Oh God Shut Up White People.

Biggest Critique: Riley is awful. Like Kennedy, he had “love interest:normal” stamped on him and that was it. The thing is, he could have worked as an Angel foil, representative of the normal-life aspect of Buffy to Angel’s vampire/supernatural aspect, but the writers never explore this and seemed to even try to back away from that later on. They threw all the romantic cliches at the wall to see what sticks, from klutzy “I dropped my schoolbooks, that’s how we met” to cliché lines that had me rolling my eyes. Do you know how bad a romance has to be to make me dislike romantic tropes?

Favorite Episodes: Fear Itself, Hush, Restless

Villain rankings:

Dark Willow, the only villain to be truly sympathetic. While the addiction coding was insensitive and, while unsurprising for its time, aged extremely poorly. That said, Willow’s turn to the dark side after Tara’s death worked well for her character and the story: it was believable and paid off what had been building since Season 1's “Nightmares” episode (Willow’s inferiority complex).

Glory managed to be genuinely terrifying, and humorous/enjoyable too. Her minions and their numerous nicknames for Glorificus were hilarious, as was her intense vanity. Her merging with Ben--a human being who genuinely wanted to be kind and good--added complexity and tragedy to her role.

The First. A really good take on Satan. The seventh season as well as the First’s first appearance in season 3′s “Amends” had kind of blatant Christian symbolism, and so the First being essentially Satan works. Their disguising themselves as dead loved ones and the subtle manipulation they used to alienate people was really disturbing and well done.

The Mayor, who was a terrible person but a truly good father. He provided an interesting contrast to the normal ‘bad dad’ bad guy character, in that he provided Faith exactly what the other characters refused to: he saw the best in her and offered her parental support, while the heroes didn’t and wound up pushing her away.

The Trio, who were villains ahead of their time: whiny fanboy reddit dudebros, basically. The stakes seemed so much lower than fighting Glory, a literal god, the previous season. But that’s why they worked so well for Season 6′s human themes, and were especially disturbing because we all know people like them. I also appreciated the surprisingly sensitive takes on Jonathan and Andrew, who got to redeem themselves, but Warren did not, and I don’t think he should have either.

Angelus + Drusilla. I’m ranking them below the Trio because Angelus was just sooooo different from Angel that it was difficult for me to feel the same way for him. He was still Angel, so it wasn’t possible to enjoy his villainy, but he also wasn’t nearly as sympathetic as Dark Willow, had no redeeming qualities like the Mayor, and wasn’t as disturbingly realistic as the Trio. However, the emotional stakes were excellently executed with him as the Big Bad, in that you were never quite sure how to feel and it just plain hurt. Also, Drusilla was a favorite recurring character. She was sympathetic and yet batsh*t enough to be enjoyable as a villain at the same time.

The Master, who was just completely camp and really worked as an introductory villain. He was scary enough to believe he was a threat, and was funny enough to introduce the series’ humor as well. He was, like Glory, an enjoyable Big Bad.

The Gentlemen, the one-off villains of Season 4′s Hush who were genuinely terrifying. It’s not as if they got a lot of explanation or any backstory, but they didn’t need it.

Caleb, the misogynist priest. Fitting with the First’s Christian symbolism, Caleb serving as a spokesperson of all bad religious beliefs felt appropriate. He was also a good foil to Warren--being actually supernaturally powered instead of a wannabe--and to Tara’s family in being full-out evil. I despised him.

Snyder. Okay Snyder is not a Big Bad like Adam is, but let’s face it: Adam is lame compared to the other villains. But Snyder as a principal? He was so irritating and yet really well used in the series to critique overly strict, hypocritical teachers. Like, we all know teachers like him. I loved to hate him, and his ending was so satisfying.

#buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #spuffy #buffy summers #dawn summers #spike #angel #cordelia chase #btvs giles #willow rosenberg #tillow #tara maclay #anya jenkins #xanya #xander harris #jenny calendar #kendra young #faith lehane #hamliet reviews

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chamomileteainabuttercup · 3 years ago

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18, 20, 39 and 41 for reyrose please? Thanks :)

Nice! I don't get to talk about them all that much (the sequel trilogy turned out so poorly that discussing it just isn't much fun) but I really like to imagine a life they could have together. A lot of this requires ignoring stuff I didn't like, primarily from The Rise of Skywalker. We're going to an AU where Rey is most certainly not Palpatine's granddaughter; she's a "nobody" in the positive sense that she doesn't carry the baggage of being descended from anyone with a significant history. Whatever she does, she's doing of her own accord. Plus, she certainly did not have a romantic attraction or attachment to Kylo Ren. She was simply trying to do what she thought might work to bring peace, despite her natural aversion to him. Also in this AU, Rose got to do stuff that mattered! I don't have many specifics because it would require writing a whole different plot for the movie, but she did!

(oh and the big bad/puppetmaster was Jar Jar, but that's well beyond our scope here)

On to Rey and Rose!

18. What are their dates like? How long do/did they date? Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other?

For Rey and Rose a really good date is a day out rummaging through junkyards and pawnshops. Rey is great at finding things, Rose is great at fixing things, and together they find all kinds of technological curiosities that they repair, restore, or refashion into something new. They don't necessarily have a lot of dates as such because they're both pretty busy working with their friends to re-establish peace and democracy across the galaxy, but when they have a day off together that's how they like to spend it. Rather than needing a break from each other, during their busy times they wish they could see each other more, and not be too tired to enjoy their time when they do. (It's like having a partner who's going through medical school, but both ways.) When things aren't so busy but they can't take a whole day to do something nice, they work on their fix-it projects together, share a meal, or have a movie night in with Finn and Poe.

So whether that qualifies as "dating" or not, mileage may vary, but that stage of their relationship goes on four or five years before they decide together to make it permanent and get married.

20. What does their home look like? Their room?

Once things calm down enough that they can have a home of their own and spend a lot of time in it (so a few years on from when they meet, a little after they marry), they buy an old scrapyard and set up Rey and Rose's Salvage and Repair, and live in a house they build at the back of the yard. I'm not sure what planet this is on, and it might well be Tatooine; I'm happy with Rey going to live there but I don't want her to take the name Skywalker. After all, Tico is a good surname, if she needs one, and again, it doesn't have baggage.

The house is by no means beautiful; it's functional and sturdy and designed to largely keep itself warm or cool depending on the climate. Their room is sunny and always a little messy and dusty because neither of them is particularly houseproud, but it's not dirty or chaotic. They always have a few rescue droids around the place that they're rehabilitating - ones that have been abused or badly damaged and need some TLC both to get them running smoothly again and to help them regain trust and confidence. Some go back out into the world to find new jobs and some become permanent residents - one of those is Professor Huyang, who they found on a scrapheap during the alternative third-movie plot I haven't fully figured out, and who helped Rey to make herself a better lightsaber and taught Finn how to craft his own too. Huyang is the closest thing to a Jedi mentor they have - since Anakin's lightsaber was cut in two in The Last Jedi, I wanted a new lightsaber quest to be part of the story, and it was meant to tie in with Finn's Force sensitivity coming to the fore and Rey trying to help him get to grips with it while still learning about it herself.

39. Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first? When did they realize they were in love?

This is very much a romance that grew out of a friendship which had a bit of an inauspicious beginning. When Rey needs to go on her quest, Rose, having recovered from her injuries, volunteers to go with her so she doesn't have to do everything alone. That's a good reason but it's also a way to get some distance from Finn, who she's realised is in love with Poe, and now she feels mortified about her grand romantic gesture for him. Finn is a Good Boy who's grateful for her feelings although he can't reciprocate, and doesn't want Rose to feel badly but it's not really in his power to help her with that. She needs time to get over the disappointment and embarrassment without having to see him being all in sync and starry-eyed with his extremely handsome and dashing fighter-pilot boyfriend who is all (bites lip) at the sight of him.

To begin with she also feels awkward with Rey, because she's Finn's best friend and also has this whole legendary magical vibe about her that's a bit intimidating - but a few days on the Millennium Falcon with her and seeing the Magic Knight Hero who floats rocks with her mind also chews with her mouth open, and will happily eat a brick of uncooked noodles as a snack, and has the most delightful scrunchy-nosed smile, and is just as much of a greasemonkey and gearhead as she is (and they need to spend a lot of time just keeping the Falcon going, and there's nothing like solving problems together for making friends), and she soon gets over any awkwardness and realises Rey is a kindred spirit.

Both of them are conscious of their liking for each other growing into a romantic attraction, but they're awfully busy avoiding the First Order and fixing their ship in flight and questing for kyber crystals and encountering Jedi ghosts and realising the Falcon's computer with the "peculiar dialect" is sentient and building a new droid body to transfer L3-37 into so she can live again, so it's a bit hard to find a good time to talk about it. At the end of a tiring day they're sitting in the lounge of the Falcon where the holo-chess table is, feeling pretty exhausted, and Rose leans her shoulder against Rey's, and then her head, and Rey takes her hand between both hers, and they sit quietly for a couple of minutes more, each becoming sure that the other feels the same way, before something goes bleep and the lights go off and they have to get up and find what's wrong and fix it.

While Rose has both hands busy with tools, her hair flops over her eyes and she asks Rey, who's holding the flashlight for her, if she can get that. Rey gently brushes it back with her fingers and pauses with her hand on Rose's cheek, and Rose looks up at her, and the first soft kiss is mutually initiated. And at that moment the whatchamacallit Rose is trying to reset gets its act together and the lights all flicker back on very prettily. It is nice.

Incidentally, Rey has no idea Jedi weren't supposed to have romantic relationships or get married. Either Luke didn't know either or he didn't get around to telling her (it's not mentioned in the ancient texts she saved because they predate that rule, which cynical people say really had a political rather than spiritual purpose, preventing the concentration of power in the hands of Jedi dynasties). It doesn't become a problem. Over the years Rey gradually rebuilds a reinvented Jedi Order (one that's a lot less hierarchical and order-y), finding people of all ages with talent that went undeveloped during the dark period, and a few who've had some training and have been living off the grid - like this one little green kid who lives in a flyspeck on the map called Mos Pelgo with his elderly dads who are nevertheless younger than he is.*

41. Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often?

The Rebellion/Resistance does love its victory parties and peace celebrations, and naturally they go to a lot of those. There's also Finn's birthday party. Finn doesn't know when his actual birthday is. Poe has picked one out for him and throws him a rager of a party every year. They don't get drunk with great frequency, they're more likely to have a drink or two to relax together and leave it at that, but Finn's birthday party is the annual occasion when they predictably do.

When Rose gets tipsy, she gets very red in the cheeks and laughs till she snorts - it doesn't take much. She's a happy, friendly and cuddly drunk who everyone wants to take care of. Also kind of sweaty.

Drunk Rey can go one of two ways, giggly and silly along with Rose, or feisty and belligerent. Everyone hopes for silly Rey, who won't do anything worse than jump in a pool with all her clothes on. Belligerent Rey wants to prove how much she loves her friends by fighting anyone who she thinks she overheard saying one word against them. Belligerent Rey has to be pushed in the pool to cool her off.

---------------------------------------------------

*I haven't decided why he stopped attending Luke's school before disaster struck and as a placeholder will use "Expelled for drinking ink."

#ask box meme #reyrose #'expelled for drinking ink' is the only Cruella de Vil backstory I care about #long post (apologetic)

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fizzingwizard · 4 years ago

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Episode 41 was another fun one! It doesn’t seem related to the main plot, but that’s ok because we needed more world-building. And it does give us a bit of character development. Most importantly of all, it’s the DESPERATELY needed Sora-focused episode. And it’s all hers. We really needed this for Sora and I’m really happy with how it went down. It’s a simple, easy to follow story, and yet it was still cute and funny and good for Sora.

My one complaint would be that, though it’s great to see Sora be awesome and see her friends appreciate her, she didn’t seem to have something she needed to “overcome” like Jou and Koushirou, or something she had to prove like Yamato and Mimi. There’s definitely an important theme for Sora which, like the others, is related to her Crest. It just didn’t have the gravitas I felt it needed. It was a much sillier episode than Yamato’s, for instance. (But nowhere near as silly as Jou’s.) Still, overall very good.

Pic of the day:

A vision of perfection.

More below!

First off, the animation in this episode is really nice. Almost uniform througohut, and some seriously great expressions. CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE

The kids are taking a break (yay!!!! again!! I sweat the producers are reading my blog, HELLO PRODUCERS, THANKS FOR GIVING ME EVERYTHING I ASKED FOR, lol). Taichi and Sora spend it teaching the Digimon to play soccer. Interestingly, some of the Digimon evolve in order to play x’D I guess I can see why Gomamon can’t really play unless he’s Ikkakumon. Plus Tailmon is already Adult level anyway.

It’s really fun to see how much Sora and Taichi both love soccer and love playing it together. Koushirou has a cute moment explaining to the others how awesome Taichi and Sora’s teamwork is.

Sora blows the whistle on Tentomon for grabbing her because you don’t do that in soccer. I think this is a little unfair given that Tentomon can’t really kick the ball that well since he’s got bug feet xD

The whistle Sora has, for some reason, is Jou’s, given to him by his brother so that if he runs into a bear in the woods, he can whistle for help. Lol. That is adorable and hilarious. Still wish it was Hikari’s whistle though

Speaking of Hikari, she and Takeru are happily engaged in making flower crowns together while Patamon smushes the grass.

All of a sudden, these weird, veiny meteors come crashing from a huge island floating in the sky, leaving a crater in the field. Could be dangerous!

Taichi: I’m not afraid. Besides, I’m curious.

Yamato: Be careful, Takeru.

Takeru: Yeah, be careful, Hikari.

omg too cute

I mean look at these expressions and body language. It’s fantastic. I love how Taichi looks like he’s trying not to get too close as he pokes the object with a stick and how Koushirou is like hiding behind his computer lol.

They discover it’s not a meteor, but a fruit. (And look another adorable Taichi face!) Question is, is it edible?

Agumon: Sure is!

Taichi: D:

no seriously I love Taichi being freaked out by his own partner. Lol. It’s one of the best things about Taichi & Agumon. I ate it up in Tri lol

So, I expected Yamato to be the downer of the group here along with Jou, but he’s just concerned that the fruit is too small for everyone to share. Aw what a mom.

It’s also pretty funny that, when a floating island appears and a mysterious fruit falls down with enough strength to leave a crater in the ground, the kids’ reaction isn’t to wonder about what’s going on, but to try to figure out how to eat it lol.

At this point they’re just so used to floating islands that it’s lost all novelty. They’re like, “oh, floating island, been there done that”

Agumon comes up with the obvious solution and Taichi and Sora fly up to the island together to get more fruit. Why only two of them go... is convenience for the episode xD

But it does lead to some good Sora moments and Taichi/Sora friendship. First, Sora is absolutely adorable. Even Agumon comments that she seems in a really good mood and Taichi can tell it’s because of how much she loves playing soccer. The way Sora talks to him, all fast and excited, is just so cute. You can tell she really loves soccer, especially with Taichi.

This episode kinda made me ship Taiora ;_; it was honestly more Taiora than any one episode in the 99 show...

Meanwhile, another giant object starts falling off the island towards the rest of the kids, and Palmon makes THE WEIRDEST SOUND. Like SO WEIRD. I think Yamada Kinoko passed out and made this noise while recording or something bahahahaha

Anyway it’s a refrigerator. Now appliances are falling out of the sky. I don’t understand why it makes the same size crater as the fruit despite being way heavier.

OMG baby Taichi’s hairrrrrrr I cannot

Soon they come across Flymon (why do Sora episodes always involved bugs...? This is the third time lol) who’s abducted a very helpless looking Digimon. They decide to help. Agumon gears up his Baby Flame but is stopped by Sora, who realizes that if they attack they might hurt the victim as well. I assume this is meant to tell us that, while Taichi’s brave and a strategist, another pair of eyes from someone like Sora whose first priority is others’ welfare is a big help.

... except that Sora’s plan for “tackle them” doesn’t seem to me that much better xD It still results in the poor abducted Digimon falling through the sky to her doom... I guess it’s better than falling out of the sky and alsobeing on fire tho

They catch the Digimon, who is Pomumon and just as pathetic as he looks. Meanwhile they’re being attacked by... Tropaliamon? Tropicanamon? lol I already forgot, a big bird with the ability to MELT ENTIRE FORESTS.

Pomumon explains that Evil Tropical Bird-mon and his Flymon invaded the island and started turning all the Pomumon into fruit. When the fruit ripen, they eat them. Pomumon is now the only Pomumon who hasn’t been fruit-ified.

Agumon: ... so... does this make me a cannibal?

Taichi: Maybe now you’ll be mindful of what you eat!

Okay and now the most AMAZING interaction ever, between Yamato and Mimi, and seriously it is a TRAVESTY that they don’t interact directly in the 99 series, I mean LOOK AT THE GOLD WE GET HERE,

Mimi says she hopes there’s fruit or juice in the fridge. Yamato makes an expression like someone just insulted his mother.

They then proceed to argue over what constitutes “juice” and Yamato’s all fired up about it and Mimi’s just like “lol not listening”

IT IS HILARIOUS. Quality content. Mimato shippers eat your heart out

And... this is all they do for the rest of the episode. bahaha. I DON’T EVEN CARE. I love the idea that they fought over this the WHOLE time and never even opened the fridge. The others just had to listen in baffled astonishment xD

Taichi and Sora fight Evil Tropical Bird-mon to save the Pomumon, but Taichi and MetalGreymon get knocked into the pitcher plant that turns Digimon into fruit.

Metla Greymon doesn’t quite fit into the fruit, his horns are really stretching it out lol.

and asdfghjkkl;’‘ TAICHI GETS TURNED INTO A FRUIT TOO, HE’S A DEFORMED BLUEBERRY, HIS GOGGLES THO, LMFAO

i really shouldn’t be as amused as I am

now... I have to say it - the one thing here is, the show has already played its trump cards like Omegamon and WarGreymon. I am sure they have more in store before the end, but the point is, it’s hard to believe Taichi is struggling against Digimon who seem like they shouldn’t have a chance against him. It’s like, you can defeat DoneDevimon, but not Evil-Tropical-Birdmon? You can escape the influence of Millenniumon’s miasma, but not a pitcher plant?? lol

Sora gets ANGRY when Taichi becomes Taichi-fruit. Her Crest of Love glows and brings out Garudamon. Taiora fans around the world screamed.

One way or another, this leaves Sora on her own (yay). And she is a busy girl. She wants to save Taichi first, but Pomumon also needs her help, and Garudamon needs her support while fighting the enemy.

Pomumon: don’t worry about me! I can fly on my own! *fails miserably*

Sora’s face says “I just don’t understand this world,” lol

They are then attacked by Flymon, and Pomumon still pretty much expects Sora to protect him. Sora’s like, “Fine, I’ll deal with Flymon, but you have to go save your friends,” and when Pomumon asks how, she just says “GOOD LUCK” and tosses him away, which honestly made me laugh out loud, you go girl

she’s like QUIT BEING SO USELESS DO SOMETHING ON YOUR OWN and just chucks him

buhahahaha

Pomumon, despite being useless, is able to free one of his comrades. After a brief discussion about how useless they are, they go to save the others.

I believe I can fly

I believe I can touch the sky

think about it every night and day

spread my wings and fly away

Sora thinks back to yet another soccer game where another student did a foul, I guess, on Taichi, and knocks him to the ground. Seeing Sora get so angry and protective of Taichi - omg, it totally squeezes my heat, gah. And it also makes her look so cool. Not just the girl in the back who comforts you when you fall down - also the one who runs up and tells the bully to back off!

that hair tho

Even though he’d been hurt, Taichi encouraged Sora not to quit playing and to win the game. In present time, Sora recalls that instance and uses it to push herself onward:

At this point, I could’ve gotten annoyed: as much as I loved the Taiora friendship and seeing their teamwork, it’s Sora’s episode, and I didn’t want her to succeed because of “what I learned from Taichi.” However, it’s very similar to Koushirou’s episode, where it was the faith Taichi had in him that gave Koushirou the confidence to find the courage he already had. It’s similar for Sora. Plus, since she’s got the Crest of Love, it makes perfect sense that love for her friend would be a motivating factor here.

On top of that - the things Sora thinks about Taichi are then echoed by Garudamon, only about Sora. Sora won’t give up because Taichi never does - and Garudamon won’t give up because Sora never does. You can see the chain reaction: friends building each other up through their support and faith in each other. Very sweet.

buhahahahahaha the freaking taichi blueberry

I really expected Taichi would be a little more wigged out about having been TURNED INTO A FRUIT, but once he’s free he’s like “Thanks, now let’s get back to the fight!” lol

to be fair there were only a couple minutes left in the episode, no time for freak outs i suppose

They save MetalGreymon who goes to back up Garudamon, but then Sora comes up with a plan.

Of course, it’s related to soccer.

Obligatory Cool Girl Soccer Star Sora shot

They kick the ball to lead the Pomumon’s seed? attack directly into Evil Tropical Bird-mon’s mouth. This... seems to be our kids’ favorite play this season, lmao

While choking on seeds, Garudamon and MetalGreymon launch their attacks and finally defeat him. Yaaaay goodbye weirdass fruit transmogrifying cannibal Digimon bird thing

Taichi tells Sora she’s awesome T______T It’s soooooooo sweet. My Taiora heart leapt

and my Taishiro heart whispered “he said カッコよかった to her but saves すごい for Koushirou <3 “ lol

Soooooo cute. MVP

Garudamon agrees that Sora is awesome

Ending card

So... the honest truth is yeah, this episode wasn’t necessary for the plot at all, and it would have been nice if it had been. But not all of the others’ center episodes were plot-related either. The important thing was for it to be wholly Sora’s episode and give her some Crest-related development. It did both those things.

I really would have liked a conundrum for Sora to fix, but I think the problem there is, since before now she wasn’t getting attention at all, they hadn’t set much of a foundation for that conundrum. The first time around, it was “oh, Sora is kind, so she wants to help anyone she sees” and there was a bit of personality clash with Yamato. Though it was small, it was a good bit of development and useful for two characters. It also led to Yamato and Sora’s friendship strengthening. With Taichi and Sora, we’ve been told they’re friends and teammates, but have not seen many strong examples of that. And, if there’s a fight between them, it could easily turn into a Taichi episode... that’s what I think anyway. So I guess the focus point for this episode was showing how Sora’s deep love for her friends strengthens her already, and maybe there’ll be more complex problems in the future, perhaps when she gets her next evolution... We’ll see.

Anyway. Good episode. So glad to see this show seems to be pretty solidly back on the rails. We only have like 20 episodes left though, seems like a lot but it’ll go fast.

That’s why I’m a bit surprised to see that next week looks like another not really plot-related episode:

Takeru and Yamato are going to a theme park. There’s no context for why they’re not with the others, but my guess is Takeru wanted to go and Yamato took him... easy as that xD I guess we’ll see, but I really hope this doesn’t mean the team is splitting up again.

However, we really do need quality time with Yamato and Takeru as well, so I’m all for this. It’s like the show really has got some self-awareness about how lax it’s been developing characters and relationships thus far and is now cranking it HARD to fit everything in we’ve been missing. Good.

#digimon adventure 2020 #digimon psi #digimon adventure:#digimon reboot #fizz watches digimon 2020 #digimon #didnt check for typos as usual

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aw-eather · 4 years ago

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Heather Watches Stargate SG1: Upgrades

I have some rare time off and deicded I would like to spend it writing another post because its been a long time and I love this show and it’ll help me be less stressed about life and work! We all love Upgrades so I thought this could be a fun one to do today! I also just love how much you guys enjoy these posts so thank you for being wonderful As always, I’ll almost defienitly swear so consider yourself warned.

Nice shot of the gate

SAM’S HAIR

SHE’S SO CUTE

Tok’ra are starting to annoy Jack and honestly same

“Don’t get me wrong Carter, your dads great, love him like a brother”

What about a father in law???

just a thought

Boys stop gagging over a pretty girl

Ew Daniel thats so gross

“Looks like trouble to me” ew

Sam’s fucking face

She’s so C U T E

Daniel stop flirting with every woman you meet

Anise annoys me tbh

Sorry not sorry

No shit Daniel

Jack is judging SO HARD

I’m actually a fan of the caterpillar on Teal’c’s face.

I genuienly don’t hate it

Of course it doesn’t work on the Tok’ra.

Why would anything

Wow Anise you seem awfully suspicious with how desparate you are to get those bands on our space babies...

Sorry Sam is so beautiful

like SO BEAUTIFUL

CREDITS

They’re so boring this season no offence

END CREDITS

JANET

she looks so fucking good omg

her HAIR

Anise go HOME you’re so ANNOYING

Jack’s neck I-

Jack and Teal’c fighting is cute

I love their friendship

aw poor Teal’c

he’s out cold

Jacks hair is messy and cute

Janet is not impressed at all

“I’m sorry”

“no you are not”

“You’re right about that!

fucking Jack making a comment about his strength and Janet’s face I love them

Jack reading super fast and Daniel not being able too is hilarioius to me

Mostly because I dislike Daniel

Lol “want me to read it to you?”

Sam sitting in the dark

Janet visiting her with her messy hair and looking so cute and wonderful

I love her

lemme protect her

she’ll need it

Sam, I don’t trust Anise

Jack chil you’re gonna break the machine

that fucking beanie

i hate it

Jack broke the ball

I’m quiet during this scene because I Do Not Care TM about Daniel and Anise

Janet looks so annoyed

and I don’t blame her

I agree with Janet

take them off

ah but they can’t

janet and hammond are ready to slap anise and I’m HERE FOR IT

Jack might not be concerned Teal’c, but I am

jack what did that punching bag ever do to you, you dork

SAm is WRITING a BOOK with her new found power I hate her

Sam and Janet are beautiful

and their friendship could have been beautiful

if TPTB knew how to write decent women

“its just so damn exciting sir” I love him

poor Siler omg

why is it always him

can’t he catch a break

aw they’re all locked up

Steak.

THEY’RE BREAKING OUT

FUCK SHE LOOKS GOOD

LIKE SO GOOD

AND THEY’RE BOTH WEARING LEATHER JACKETS

THEY LOOK SO GOOOD

FRENCH FRIES INSTEAD OF POTATOES

I LIKE THE TASTE BETTER

SAM STOP

YOU’RE TOO MUCH

MY TINY COLD HEART CANNOT TAKE IT

defying a direct order but who cares

Jack there is a large, huge MASSIVE difference between steak and earth

the story about that shot with the pool is always funny to me

JACK LOOKS GOOD

SO GOOD

WITH HIS HANDS IN HIS POCKETS AND THE LEATHER AND THE GREY AND I-

he is a geek

Daniel don’t do it

oh he did it

Sam’s even telling him not to do it

bloody hell

can we have a chat about how hot Jack and Sam are?

Not make them stupid lol

they were already stupid, Hammond

they’re space babies

they’re looking so sory for themselves

no you can’t Daniel

VERY HUNGRY SIR

more of a scuffle sir

ACTUALLY IT WAS YOUR IDEA... SIR

the fucking sass

the FUCKING S A S S

ugh

UGH

I AM SO SICK OF ANISE

bitch you brought those arm bands there so they could do stuff for you

the Tok’ra are always out for themselves and no one else

they barely do anything to help the taur’i and it pisses me off

Sam looks so cute

Hammond, every mission is a suicide mission

sam is SO CUTE

HER HAND-

SORRY

SHE’S REALLY HOT

AND ADORABLE

I WANNA PROTECT HER

Thta was a lot of science talk

aww the little hat

so CUTE

look at em go

kicking jaffa butt

speeding around the place

HER HAIR

I CANNOT STAND HER

SHE’S SO CUTE

wow thats a big ship

arm band is no longer working

surprise surprise it happens in the middle of an important mission

oh Hammond is MAD MAD

Anise and you can bugger off

Janet’s face is like “did this bitch really just say what I think she just said”

NO SAM

JACK NO

OH BOY

OOOOOOHHHH BOOOOOYYYYY

FAM I HATE THEM AND I LOVE THEM

THIS IS HONESTLY HEART BREAKING

BECAUSE THEY OLY NOW REALISE HOW IN LOVE THEY ARE

FUCK OFF

I LOVE THEM AND I HATE THEM

BUT I LOVE THEM MORE

i got a new computer today and the SOUND QUALITY IS SO MUCH BETTER

Aw Sam woke up first

lol he wakes up funny

he’s gonna do anything he can to help her

“you gotta get out of here sir”

“so do you”

STOP IT YOU LOVE STRUCK NERDS

RUN BABIES RUN

GET YO ASES OUT OF THERE

Look at that little jump over the rock

they’re in soooo much trouble

the fact these space babies didn’t get court marshalled a mllion times still shocks me

ouch

that had to hurt

nice camera work

I AM VERY WELL GENERAL HAMMOND

lol

i fuking love Teal’c

what a sweetheart

i love him

could be a little less sarcastic to the Tok’ra Jack

I hate them as much as you do but no need to make things worse for yoruself

this is why they never help you

cause you are sassy to them

Final Thoughts:

I love this episode

I love the silly space babies

I love Sam and Jack’s outfits when they go for steak

I love Sam’s hair

A lot

I love Sam in red

its a good colour for her

I genuienly hate the Tok’ra

they’re useless

Jacob is ok

Martouf is mostly ok

the rest kinda suck tbh

Janet Deserved Better

all in all its a fun episode and I love it and it gives me the giggles which is what we all need right now

So tell me, beautiful people, what is our favourite moment from Upgrades? Lemme know and thanks for reading!

#Stargate SG1 #SG1 #SG1: Upgrades #Samantha Carter #Jack O'Neill #Teal'c #Daniel Jackson #Janet Fraiser #George Hammond #Amanda Tapping #ATapps #Richard Dean Anderson #RDA #Christopher Judge #Teryl Rotherly #Michael Shanks #Heather Watches #Mudblood and proud watches

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waytooinlovewithlokilaufeyson · 5 years ago

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First Date

Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Peter goes on his first date, but it’s not with you.

Warnings: None, just excessive cuteness.

A/N: This is my first Peter Parker story! I hope you all enjoy!! Feedback is always appreciated!

6:00 am. Your clock displays the numbers quite annoyingly as your alarm blares in your ear. You groan, throwing your arm over your eyes and hitting the snooze button. When the alarm goes off again, you’re about ready to throw the thing at the damn wall, but you get up, scrolling through your phone.

“Good morning, Y/N”, FRIDAY greets, opening up your curtains, revealing the New York skyline and a too bright sun.

You cover your eyes. “Ahhh, I’m meltinggg” you say dramatically as you sink back into the bed. After a few minutes, you finally get up, trying to tame your bed-head and throwing on a graphic tee and some jeans.

When you walk to the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast, some of the Avengers are already awake and grabbing coffee or some food.

“Good morning, sleepyhead”, Natasha greets you a little too cheerfully. You glare at her with your sleep-deprived eyes, and she smirks, whispering “I think someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed” to Bucky, who just rolls his eyes. You swear you hear her say “tough crowd” before heading out.

You grab a granola bar before grabbing your backpack and mentally preparing to go back to school. Peter waits for you by the elevator, awake and ready for a new day. “Goooood morning, Y/N”, he greets, eyes bright and awake, and he gives you a big toothy smile.

“Good morning, Pete”, you smile. Even though you feel like absolute death (and you can swear your eye bags could touch the ground), Peter’s happy (and cute) mood always got you in a better mood.

You both walk to your high school, chatting about random things, before you walk up to the dreaded building. You walk up to your locker, which is conveniently by Peter and Ned’s, and grab your things (and perhaps your will to live). Peter and Ned talk excitedly about something, and you actually wonder how it is possible to be this excited at 7:00 am.

You wave goodbye to Peter as you head to your advanced biology class and Peter and Ned shuffle over to calculus.

Lunch can’t come soon enough. You walk over with MJ, as you both had a class together before lunch. You see Ned, but frown when you don’t see Peter. “Where’s Pete, Ned?” you ask, setting your tray down.

Ned has a deer in the headlights look. “Icanttellyouthat” he rushes out, shushing you. MJ cocks her eyebrow in confusion, and you lock eyes with Ned. He tries to look away, but you hold your intense gaze.

Ned finally cracks, looking away from you, making you grin. That tactic always works. “Peter is asking the new girl out on a date tonight, but you didn’t hear it from me.”

Your chest aches when you hear that. You’ve had the biggest crush on Peter Parker for a while now. He made you feel welcomed and wanted at the Avengers when you found out that you could turn invisible and pass through walls. He would watch silly movies with you until 3 am, he would help you with your homework (and you would help him with his), he would be there to make you laugh and smile.

You swear you have a sour look on your face before you force a smile on your face. “Good for him”, you say, absolutely wanting to vanish right here and now. The rest of lunch flies by. Ned and MJ talk, but you drone them out, your ideas filled with Peter’s date tonight.

School ends a few hours later. You lean against your locker, holding your books close to your chest as you wait for Peter. When he comes, he is grinning ear to ear, and a faint blush paints his cheeks.

He’s so god damn cute, you think as you begin to smile. You then bitterly remind yourself that it’s not for you, and a frown sets itself on your face instead.

When you start walking back, you start up a conversation.

“So, Pete, have any plans tonight?” you ask, full well knowing his plans, but also trying not to give Ned away.

He blushes again, and you swear your legs almost give out. “Uh, yeah, actually.”

Your stomach twists. “Whatcha gonna do?” you ask, looking everywhere but at him.

“Um, you know the new girl? We’re going to that Italian place.” You put a fake smile on your face. You love that restaurant.

“Cool”, you state, almost crying out in relief when you realize you’re back at the tower.

Before you part ways, you tell him a simple “have fun, but not too much fun, Mr. Parker” before practically locking yourself in your room.

You try to get work done at first, but your mind always went back to the date. You finally accepted defeat and opened up Netflix on your laptop. When your computer asks “are you still watching...”, you get up, stomach growling. It must have been around 8 pm, as the sun had set and the New York skyline lit up.

You drag yourself into the kitchen, immediately going to the freezer and scavenging for ice cream. “Y/N?” you hear someone say. You turn around, spoon in your mouth as you clutch a gallon of ice cream in your hands. Wanda’s warm gaze welcomes you.

“Hey, Wand”, you greet, opening up your ice cream and diving in.

She scrunches up her nose. “You’re sad, is it about Peter?”

You almost choke on your ice cream, totally forgetting that she could read minds. “No, yes, stay out of my head Wand”, you sputter out, hiding your face.

She gives you a sympathetic look. “Sorry, Y/N, no can do. Do you want to talk about it?”

You’re tempted just to go invisible and walk straight through the wall, but your resolve breaks down as you go sit by Wanda. “I just really like him, ya know?” you say, twiddling your thumbs.

“I know, it’s practically all you think about”, she jokes, making you crack a smile. A warm silence passes over the two of you before she gets serious again. “Why don’t you tell him?”

You sigh. “It’s complicated.”

“Is it?” she asks, making the gears turn in your head.

Before you can comprehend what she said, you hear the elevator ding and you briefly see a flash before Peter’s door slamming shut.

You quizzically look at Wanda, who nods her head towards Peter’s direction. “Go talk to him.”

You smile, wrapping her in a tight hug. She was only a few years older than you, but she was like your big sister, so wise and kind. “Thanks Wands”.

You take a deep breath before walking over to Peter’s door. Your knuckles rap on the door, and Peter answers with “I don’t want to talk about it!”.

“Pete?” you question softly, and you hear him shuffle around the room. “I don’t want to talk right now”, you hear him say, and although his voice is muffled by the door, you can hear that he’s been crying.

Without much hesitation, you walk through the wall. Peter has clearly been crying hard, his hair messy and his eyes a deep red. He tries to turn away from you, but you just sit next to him on his bed.

“What happened Pete?” you ask softly, trying to make eye contact with him. He looks away.

“She stood me up.” Anger bubbles in your stomach. That wretch--, you think bitterly.

“I’m sorry, Pete”, you start, but he keeps talking.

“I mean, why would I think that she would be interested in me of all people, honestly I’m just so stupid--”

“Stop”, you state firmly. Peter finally looks at you, a little in shock at your strong voice. “She’s a moron, an absolute idiot if she passed up a date with you Peter”, you tell him, the words just coming out. “She’s so stupid if she didn’t see what a great guy you are.”

Your words catch up to you, and you slightly blush, but you meant every word you said.

Peter looks at you, a few more tears slipping out. He sees your face, illuminated by the skyline, and his heart starts to beat faster, and he can feel yours beating strongly. He locks eyes with you, leaning closer to you instinctively.

Before you know it, your lips are touching, and you feel like your heart is about to leap out of your chest. His lips are soft and gentle, and his hand rests on your cheek.

The kiss only lasts a few seconds, and when you open your eyes, your heart does more somersaults as you see Peter’s eyes so full of admiration and love staring at you. Then, you see his expression turn sour.

“God, I’m a moron”, he says, running his hands though his fingers. Your gut wrenches, expecting him to regret kissing you. You’re almost about to cry before he keeps talking. “After all this time, how could I not see my feelings towards you?”

You give him a confused expression. “What?” you ask, clearly baffled.

He gives you a soft smile. “You were always there for me. We watched so many dumb movies, spent so much time together. I always saw you in a special way, but I was scared of losing our friendship if I was wrong.”

Peter gives you a nervous smile. “Please tell me I’m not wrong.”

You grab his hand, giving him a soft look. “You’re absolutely correct, Peter Parker”, you say before molding your lips on his again.

Bonus ending~

“What do you think’s going on?” Sam asks, pressing his head against Peter’s door.

“SHHHHHHHHH”, Natasha interrupts, pressing her head closer to the door. Practically the whole tower is outside of the door, taking turns listening through the door.

Everybody squeals when you open the door, your hand intertwined with Peter’s, Sam falling into the room, and everyone having the same deer in the headlights look.

It’s silent for a bit before Tony exclaims “I ship it!” and walking away, making you and Peter blush furiously.

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delusionalwriterr · 5 years ago

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Resurgence (1)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avengers!Reader

Summary: After accepting a mission from an old friend, you and along with the other Avengers set out to another planet to retrieve a mysterious gem. Little did you know that the gem isn’t the only thing inhabiting the planet and soon found yourselves in a sticky situation.

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: slow burn, language, friendship issues, mentions of injuries, death, inaccurate depictions of space travel, angst, fluff

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and any of the other fictional works mentioned.

A/N: I hope y’all like it! Every detail about the mission is purely made up by me so yea HAHAHAH

Prologue | Masterlist | Chapter Two

“You sure you wanna do this, doll?” Bucky asked as he stuffed a few clothes in his duffel bag. The two of you were in your shared bedroom, packing for the mission. After the uncomfortable phone call with Peter, you gathered a few of the Avengers and relayed to them the details.

The Guardians were initially hired to retrieve a gem called the Resurgentium Stone, but the client refused to disclose any more information about it other than where it was and what it looked like. The gem was located on a planet called Mortvivus which was a few lightyears away from Earth and it was a green, irregularly-shaped stone that was about the size of a golf ball.

After explaining everything, the people who were willing to help you were Steve, Sam, Natasha, Rhodey, and of course your boyfriend, Bucky. Tony opted to stay behind to watch over the compound, but you all know he’s still petrified to go back into space after being stuck there for almost a month.

“I’m sure,” you replied, shooting Bucky an assuring smile. “Without me piloting that ship, who knows where you’ll end up.” you quipped, letting out a laugh which Bucky reciprocated. He then proceeded to watch you as you continued to pack, a dazed look in his eyes.

You halted your actions when you caught him from the corner of your eye and stared back. You drew your eyebrows together, an amused smirk displayed on your lips. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer, Sarge.” you teased, causing Bucky to turn red at the nickname. He cleared his throat and went over to where you were seated and situated himself beside you.

He grabbed your hand and lifted it to his lips, placing a delicate kiss on your knuckles. While doing this, he made sure to bore his eyes right into yours as you felt your cheeks heat up at the sudden gesture. Even if you and Bucky had been together for a few years now, he still manages to make you a blushing mess after doing the littlest things.

Bucky pulled his lips away from your hand. “You know I love you, right?” he asked, still staring at you with nothing but love and adoration in his eyes. “And that I’d do anything for you?” You beamed before nodding your head and giving his lips a quick peck. “I know. I could say the same to you, Bucky.”

EARTH - 5 MINUTES TO LAUNCH

Soon enough, the six of you were boarding the ship. “Alright, besides Bucky, who’s never been to space?” you asked as everyone took a seat. You looked behind you from the pilot’s chair and saw that Sam’s hand was raised. “Well sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride, birdie.” you teased, making Sam roll his eyes at the silly nickname you always used to get on his nerves.

“Is this thing on?” you heard Tony’s voice through your comms, “Be careful out there, guys.” he said to which Rhodey answered, “We will, man, don’t worry.”

As you were about to take off, you heard him again. “Don’t let anything probe you,” he remarked, causing you to chuckle, “No promises.”

After making sure everyone is fastened to their chairs, you started the ship and took off. At full speed, you drove the ship up and into the sky, driving your body backwards into your seat as you set the thrusters to maximum.

“I just remembered how much I hated space,” you hear Steve mumble, his voice shaky due to the turbulence. A few minutes later, you exited the Earth’s atmosphere and were met with the dark abyss that is space.

“I change my mind, I don’t wanna do this anymore, take me home.” Sam pleaded, drawing a cackle from you as you put the ship on co-pilot, unbuckled your seatbelt, and stood up from your seat.

The others mirrored your actions as you went over to where they were sitting. “If you thought that was bad, wait until we get to the wormhole,” you taunted before hearing a groan from Natasha, “I hate those things,”

“Wait, isn’t that the thing Matthew McConaughey went through in Interstellar where it was all trippy and shit?” Sam inquired, fear in his eyes. Bucky, on the other hand, looked like an excited puppy after hearing the word ‘wormhole’ and turned to you. “I always wanted to go through one of those, please tell me we’re going through one of those.” he pleaded, slightly bouncing up and down. However, the rest of the team were looking mortified.

Bucky never thought he’d be alive during a time when space travel was possible. Hell, he never imagined that he would be able to make it to space, himself! He spent most of his life picturing the day he’d get to see space in person, and here he was staring dreamily out of the window, admiring the view.

You nodded your head before proceeding to explain, “We’ll arrive at the wormhole in approximately two hours, so get comfortable.” You laughed as you earned a collective groan from the rest of the group. “Sorry, guys, but if we don’t use the wormhole we’ll all be at least two hundred years old when we get to Mortvivus.” you explained, shrugging your shoulders as Bucky put an arm around you, a huge grin on his face.

Rhodey scoffed at the sight, “I’m sure that smile is gonna be gone by the time we go through the wormhole.”

SPACE - 1 HOUR TO THE WORMHOLE

The team was eating their lunch on the table at the back of the ship while you were seated in the pilot’s seat, contacting the Guardians. “Doll, come eat with us.” Bucky called from across the room.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” you called back, your eyes fixated on the screen in front of you as you tried to reach the Benatar. Your leg bounced up and down, something you tend to do when you were anxious, as you waited for someone to pick up and have their face pop up on the screen. You pray to whoever was listening that it wouldn’t be Peter because you’re still not ready to face him after all those years.

It wasn’t until someone picked up the call and Rocket’s face appeared on your screen when you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Rocket!” you squeeked, your voice going up an octave higher as you tried to hide the relief in your voice with excitement. “Hey, kid! Quill’s eating somewhere on the ship so I’m taking charge of it for a while.” the racoon greeted as he sat in the pilot’s chair, a sling around his arm.

You frowned at the sight and leaned in towards your screen. “Aren’t you supposed to be resting or something? You look pretty banged up.” you pointed out. Rocket was the person (or in this case, rodent) you were closest to after Peter. You had this sibling-type bond that you always found comfort in and you were relieved that it was still comfortable to talk to him after years of not seeing each other.

Rocket scoffed as he waved a dismissive hand. “They can’t keep the real captain away from his ship,” he commented, “enough of that. Where are you? You were supposed to call before you left Earth.”

“Right, sorry about that, it kinda slipped my mind,” you replied, sheepishly scratching the back of your head. “We’re on our way to the wormhole, should be there in an hour or so.” Rocket nodded and turned to the tangled pile of branches beside him, “Wanna say hi to (Y/N)?”

A smile broke into your face as you saw Groot squeeze himself into frame. “I am Groot!” he shouted, voice deeper than the last time you talked to him. “I miss you too, Groot!” you cooed. He then returned to playing his game and you turned your attention back to Rocket. “How are ya, kid?” he questioned, leaning towards his screen, his voice suddenly becoming softer.

You answered by giving him a tight-lipped smile before uttering, “Better as I’ll ever be.” Before he could answer, Gamora emerged from behind him. “Rocket, what did I tell you to get some rest— oh, hi, (Y/N)!” she chirped, coming closer to the monitor. “It’s great to see you again, I hope you’re doing well.”

Your heart warmed at the fact that she still cared about you despite your decision of leaving the team. “It’s great to see you too, Gamora. I hope they’re not giving you a hard time,” you joked, earning a chuckle from her.

Just then, another voice came through that made your whole body tense up. “Is that (Y/N)? Let me talk to her,” Peter’s voice filled your ears. You froze when you heard his footsteps approach the computer as you tried your best to think of an excuse to hang up. Fortunately for you, Bucky called you over another time, “Doll, if you don’t come here and eat, Sam’s gonna steal all your food.”

You quickly turned back to your computer. “I gotta go, I’ll update you when we’re near the planet. Bye.” you rambled, swiftly ending the call before Peter showed up. You sighed and stood up to walk towards the table to join Bucky and the others.

You pulled up a chair next to Bucky and started to eat. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you towards his body as he looked at you. His eyebrows were drawn together, mentally asking you if you were okay to which you only nodded in return. “So what’s it like going through a wormhole anyway?” Sam piped up. “The worst feeling ever.” Steve grumbled, taking a sip from his coffee.

Sam snapped his head towards his blonde friend, a dirty look on his face. “I don’t know if you’ve ever been turned into space dust before, but I’m pretty sure it’s way worse than travelling through some space portal.” he retorted, earning a laugh from everyone around the table as Steve lifted his arms up in defense. “Y’all still haven’t answered my question,” he pointed out as he turned to you.

You shook your head as you kept shoving spoonfuls of food in your mouth. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

SPACE - 2 MINUTES TO THE WORMHOLE

“Everybody’s seatbelts on?” you asked as you gripped the steering wheel of the ship. “Everything is gonna look really weird when we enter the wormhole— your vision’s gonna get distorted, things around you will look freaky, but that’s totally normal.”

Everyone nodded, too afraid to ask anymore questions. “I don’t think any of this is totally normal,” Sam countered, his knuckles turning white due to the death grip he had on the armrests on his seat. You hear Rhodey mumble in agreement before counting down, “Entering the wormhole in three, two, one.”

You dive into the spherical figure as you saw the light around you bend into something more tunnel-like. You were going through the wormhole in full speed as you felt the ship shake violently. “Why did I agree to this again?” you heard Natasha shout through the noise.

Bucky’s eyes marveled at the sight before him. Distorted stars and planets were whooshing past him at the speed of light, his field of view much wider than normal. He was a full fledged astronaut now, he thought to himself. Rhodey looked over to him to see the same boyish grin on his face as they continued to make their way to the other side of the hole. “Disneyland rides must seem like nothing to you,” he commented.

After a few minutes of speeding through space and time, you finally exited the wormhole. You heard Sam release a big huff of air before breathing heavily. “Hold on, I think I left my soul on the other side, go back,” he panted as he clutched a hand to his chest. Steve shook his head as he leaned his head back to rest on his chair, “I’m too old for this.”

“That. was. awesome!” Bucky enunciated, earning glares from the rest of the team and a smile from you. “Good job, babe. Best pilot in the galaxy,” he added, throwing you a wink. You shook your head and focused your attention to what was in front of your ship.

“There it is,” you began. “Mortvivus.”

You shot a quick message to the Benetar, telling the Guardians that you were able to travel through the wormhole successfully and that you were about to land on the planet. With shaky hands, you guided the ship towards the planet and began your descent.

“Here we go.”

A/N: If you want to be tagged, feel free to leave a reply or just message me! ❤️ Requests are open too ⭐️

Taglist: @thewolfgirluniverse

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #the winter soldier x reader #the winter soldier x y/n #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #bucky barnes #the winter soldier #sebastian stan #marvel #the avengers #marvel headcannon #delusionalwriterr #resurgence

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rainofaugustsith · 5 years ago

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Thank you very much for the tag @vespertine-legacy! I can’t remember who has been tagged so @cyrraluu @shabre-legacy @shimmersing @tishinada @abbienormal @mimabeann @dreamy04 @soulparticle @levelofdepth NO PRESSURE, only if you want to! Viri (you know she’s always first because she is)

-CLOTHING MAKES THE WOMAN-

Do their bra and panties match consistently? Yes | No | Not applicable (and in Viri’s case they are usually completely clashing neon orange or stripes or smiley faces)

Do they wash their makeup off before going to bed? Yes | No | Sometimes | Doesn’t wear makeup

Do they wear socks? Yes | No | Sometimes (and just like the underwear, they are usually the most garish yet comfortable socks she can find. After Viri lost her foot, Lana tried to cheer her up by knitting her new socks that were ridiculously bright and would fit her cybernetic foot)

What do they usually wear to bed? Nothing | Undergarments | Pyjamas | Pyjama pants | Tomorrow’s clothes (Viri does like comfortable pajamas but they usually end up being worn to lounge around the house. By the time she actually goes to bed she’s *cough* taken them off)

Their clothes are usually… Stained | Raggedy | Like new | Well worn | Depends (If Viri loves a specific piece of clothing she will wear it until it’s rags, but she also is very sharply dressed when she is working and has to make an impression)

-FINANCES? LET’S SEE-

How do they handle their bills? Sets aside bill money each check | Pays them right away | Pays them last minute | They’re frequently overdue | Paying? Bills? What a concept. (Viri doesn’t like loose ends or owing anything to anyone, so if something’s due she will pay it ASAP if she is able)

Most likely to pay with? Raw currency (or barter) | Check/paper trail | Debit | Credit (the Star Wars equivalent of transfering credits electronically. If she pays by credit she will try to pay it off immediately)

-AN APPLE A DAY-

How often do they get exercise? Frequently, from work | Frequently, from a hobby | Somewhat, from a hobby | Somewhat, from work | Never (Viri spends hours every day exercising, conditioning, sparring and working on forms. She also dances for fun. And there’s that exercise she and Lana always have together...*cough*)

Do they drink? Always | Often | Somewhat | On rare occasions | Never (Viri can get drunk just *looking* at a bottle, it seems, so she completely avoids it)

Do they do drugs of any kind? Yes | Sometimes | No

Do they smoke? Yes | Sometimes | No

-EDUCATION MATTERS-

What education have they reached? None | Elementary/Primary | Middle/Secondary | High/Tertiary | College, bachelors | College, masters | College, PhD | GDA | Workforce training | (Viri went to Imperial schools and the Sith Academy from the time she was a small child, and her parents also educated her in their fields of science and math. The Sith sent her to get a degree at the University of Corellia because she was so strong in some disciplines of science. She also reads and seeks out knowledge from anyone who will teach her).

Do they frequently learn new skills? Yes | On occasion | Only as needed | Not usually (as noted above if you have something new you can show Viri, she’s all ears. Tying knots, learning sabacc tricks, silly jokes, new Force skills, slang she doesn’t know in other languages...anything)

-CLOTHING MAKES THE WOMAN-

Do their bra and panties match consistently? Yes | No | Not applicable (the Jedi ones matched, but they were drab. Now she wears whatever she likes and it’s usually racy)

Do they wash their makeup off before going to bed? Yes | No | Sometimes | Doesn’t wear makeup

Do they wear socks? Yes | No | Sometimes

What do they usually wear to bed? Nothing | Undergarments | Pyjamas | Pyjama pants | Tomorrow’s clothes (Ror did not have her own room until she was assigned her ship at the beginning of the class story. Once she did, she quickly learned that if she walked around naked or topless, people wouldn’t barge into her space anymore. She’s kept that up because it’s more comfortable and ahem, if she’s not sleeping alone there’s no need for clothes...

Their clothes are usually… Stained | Raggedy | Like new | Well worn | Depends

-FINANCES? LET’S SEE-

How do they handle their bills? Sets aside bill money each check | Pays them right away | Pays them last minute | They’re frequently overdue | Paying? Bills? What a concept. (Ror tries to avoid even getting a bill. When she was a Jedi she paid everything up front so the Jedi Order wouldn't find out and there wouldn't be a paper/cyber trail. That practice has stayed with her even though she's no longer a Jedi and the Alliance is much more chill.)

Most likely to pay with? Raw currency (or barter) | Check/paper trail | Debit | Credit (Ror never had anything other than raw currency as a Jedi and she had to hide it, since the Jedi aren't supposed to own things. She still has not figured out how to use an account, and both Somminick Timmns and the Alliance have agreed to give her cash.

-AN APPLE A DAY-

How often do they get exercise? Frequently, from work | Frequently, from a hobby | Somewhat, from a hobby | Somewhat, from work | Never (There are some very enjoyable hobbies Ror partakes in...)

Do they drink? Always | Often | Somewhat | On rare occasions | Never (Ror enjoys cantinas. It’s another thing the Jedi banned for her and she feels like it’s an extra ‘fuck you’ to enjoy wine, women and song.

Do they do drugs of any kind? Yes | Sometimes | No

Do they smoke? Yes | Sometimes | No

-EDUCATION MATTERS-

What education have they reached? None | Elementary/Primary | Middle/Secondary | High/Tertiary | College, bachelors | College, masters | College, PhD | GDA | Workforce training | I don’t know | Other (Since the Jedi grabbed her as a young child she's never been to school other than the Jedi Academy. That gave her a high literacy level and a strong handle on the Republic's government and perspective of history, but not much else. Since leaving the Jedi she's tried to read and learn on her own.)

Do they frequently learn new skills? Yes | On occasion | Only as needed | Not usually (Ror is usually very prickly to strangers and doesn’t make friends easily, but if you offer to teach her something or help her learn, you can often reach her and gain her friendship)

-CLOTHING MAKES THE WOMAN-

Do their bra and panties match consistently? Yes | No | Not applicable (sometimes)

Do they wash their makeup off before going to bed? Yes | No | Sometimes | Doesn’t wear makeup

Do they wear socks? Yes | No | Sometimes

What do they usually wear to bed? Nothing | Undergarments | Pyjamas | Pyjama pants | Tomorrow’s clothes

Their clothes are usually… Stained | Raggedy | Like new | Well worn | Depends (Iki lives in the Star Wars equivalent of well-worn jeans and T-shirts)

-FINANCES? LET’S SEE-

How do they handle their bills? Sets aside bill money each check | Pays them right away | Pays them last minute | They’re frequently overdue | Paying? Bills? What a concept. (Ikina and Ashara run their own tea house, and they’re acutely aware that they have to cover costs so they budget as closely as they can)

Most likely to pay with? Raw currency (or barter) | Check/paper trail | Debit | Credit

-AN APPLE A DAY-

How often do they get exercise? Frequently, from work | Frequently, from a hobby | Somewhat, from a hobby | Somewhat, from work | Never (Ikina likes to take long walks. As a slicer she’s at a desk a lot; as an owner of a tea house she runs around a bit more)

Do they drink? Always | Often | Somewhat | On rare occasions | Never

Do they do drugs of any kind? Yes | Sometimes | No

Do they smoke? Yes | Sometimes | No

-EDUCATION MATTERS-

Do they frequently learn new skills? Yes | On occasion | Only as needed | Not usually

#swtor #Viridana Dragoi #OC: Rorjhana #OC: Ror #OC: Ikina

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spacedancer1701 · 5 years ago

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Another Life - a Star Trek fic - (Chapters 1 - 5)

Sequel to ‘On Borrowed Time’

Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (AOS) Pairing: McCoy x Original Female Character (Dr. Jennifer Hope) Characters: The Crew of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) Rating/Warnings: None Tags: Romance, Friendship, Love, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Mild Angst/H/C, Caring/Protective/Tender/Comforting/Happy/Grumpy/Worried McCoy Word Count: This is a long one. Again. 😄 (71 chapters - 177k)

Read it on AO3: Another Life

I have not given "Plush Books" - or anyone - permission to use my work.

Summary: The lovely Dr. Jennifer Hope, recently promoted to lieutenant, is finally back on the Enterprise. Much to the delight of a certain CMO. But can Hope and McCoy just pick up where they left off? And if so, are they headed for a happy ever after? Or are there yet more surprises and obstacles to overcome? Between the two of them, they’ll certainly keep the rest of the crew on their toes.

This is the sequel to ‘On Borrowed Time’, but can also be read as a stand-alone. However, if you contemplate reading the whole series and don’t like spoilers, I recommend starting with ‘On Borrowed Time’. (Spoilers will be found in the very first chapter of ‘Another Life’ already!)

Chapter 1

Dr. Leonard McCoy stepped out of the shower, a silly grin on his face. In fact, he hadn’t been able to wipe that grin off his face all day, and had happily endured Kirk’s gentle teasing and even Spock’s cryptic remarks. Nothing could spoil his good mood today, he thought, because tonight, Dr. Jennifer Hope, Jenny to him, was beaming back aboard the Enterprise.

He felt like a teenager getting ready for prom night. There were a million butterflies fluttering around in his stomach at the thought of seeing Hope again in only a few minutes. He was whistling cheerfully as he pulled on his uniform trousers and boots, and slipped on a fresh blue medic tunic. Then he looked affectionately at the face of the lovely young woman smiling at him from his computer screen, as she proudly showed off the new stripes on the sleeves of her red Starfleet uniform.

The young woman was exceptionally pretty. Beautiful even, if anyone cared to ask McCoy. She had dark brown, slightly wavy hair that looked a bit unruly, even though she wore it fastened in a knot behind her neck, and big brown eyes, twinkling with youthful vigour, a little mischievousness mixed in among the warmth she emanated.

It was a freeze frame from Hope’s latest message, telling him that she now held the rank of lieutenant and was returning to serve on the Enterprise on Captain Kirk’s special request.

Bless him, McCoy thought fondly.

He was immensely grateful to his friend for bringing Hope back aboard the Enterprise. Although he knew, of course, that Jim hadn’t requested her transfer just to do him a favour, but because he genuinely wanted her on his ship, having great expectations for this young officer.

It had become McCoy’s habit to keep a freeze frame from her most recent message on his screen, so that he would wake up to her lovely, happy face every morning. That was his little secret not even Jim knew about. He gently traced a finger around her beautiful lips and tenderly touched a hand to the screen as if to cup her face like he had a thousand times before. And tonight, at long last, he’d be able to touch her again for real. He just couldn’t wait.

Hope had first come aboard the Enterprise about a year and a half ago, as both a credentialed doctor of linguistics and a recruit straight from Starfleet Academy, and McCoy had fallen head over heels in love with her. Just like about every other man aboard, and probably quite a lot of women, too. Hope had this way about her, you just could not but adore her.

Of course, his love for her had been purely platonic in the beginning, his feelings for her nothing but paternal and protective, or so he’d told himself and everybody else, including Hope. And it hadn’t been a total lie, either. With her slight frame and endearing need for touch, her youthful enthusiasm and determination to hide her shy and almost timid young soul behind a convincingly professional and cheerful face, as well as her admirable courage that sometimes bordered on nearly Kirk-like recklessness, she’d triggered every protective instinct in him.

Despite having been top of her class at the Academy, she hadn’t been cleared for starship assignment due to being slightly underweight with some minor health issues. Therefore, Starfleet Command had sent her on a training flight aboard the Enterprise, for Captain Kirk to help with the final decision whether or not she was fit for starship duty.

Smiling to himself, McCoy remembered that Kirk had not been impressed at all by those orders. In fact, he’d been furious at the time. Until he’d met Hope in person, of course, and had been swept off his feet by her, just like everybody else. She was brilliant as well as beautiful, but most of all, she had the loveliest, warmest personality imaginable.

McCoy had first met her while having dinner with Jim in the mess, embarrassing himself by rudely grousing about Starfleet HQ sending linguists instead of badly needed medical staff, before realising that she was standing right behind him. But Hope had just laughed it off good-naturedly, seeing right through his grumpy façade from the very start. Then she’d volunteered to work for him in sickbay, wanting to be of use where she was really needed rather than insisting on working in her field of expertise.

After only a couple of weeks, Hope’s presence had turned sickbay into a warm and cheerful place that people no longer feared and avoided, but actively sought out. It was as if she’d turned on the sun. She could do that wherever she went. And in his heart, too. To the point where people started to whisper about him being in danger of losing his reputation as grumpiest CMO in the Fleet.

Hope and McCoy had grown close over the following months, caring deeply for each other and enjoying each other's company immensely. In her youthful vigour, she'd filled his life with joy and laughter.

Mind you, with a fair amount of worry, too! he thought wryly.

And the doctor had been her safe haven, offering comfort and the feeling of security that she, having no family, painfully missed. He'd helped her through a difficult time, gaining her trust until she’d confided in him about actually having been born in the 20th century. A secret, Starfleet had made her keep, that had been weighing heavily on her.

The doctor and Hope had been on several assignments together and shared a deep, affectionate friendship. But it had taken them almost a year to finally admit to, and act on, their real feelings for each other towards the end of some joint shore leave.

They had spent an amazing night together, only to find out the next day that she'd been transferred to the Lexington. That meant, of course, that she’d been cleared for starship duty by Starfleet, and was actually joyful news. But it had certainly broken their hearts to have to part again so soon. Just remembering that last evening together still brought tears to his eyes. How they’d both done their very best to stay strong for each other, not quite able to find appropriate words of comfort, then having to watch her fade in the transporter beam, brave smiles plastered on both their faces until the very last moment.

Their one heavenly night of passion, so incredibly tender and fulfilling, had without doubt been the most wonderful night of his life. And it had changed him forever. They’d spent the next day in the afterglow of their first night together. Their love for each other had been unquestioned, but, not knowing how little time they'd have, they hadn’t talked about future plans any further than their next meal. They’d been in no hurry to discuss how to handle their new relationship, let alone exclusivity. There’d been no need to. Or so they'd thought.

When she was gone, it was as if all the joy and light had been taken out of his life. He’d realised that he was becoming much more irritable than ever before, but he just couldn't help it. In the year he’d known her, Hope had completely changed his life. Long before she'd declared her love for him. He'd been perfectly happy on the Enterprise before. He’d had his friends, his work. But after having known life with Hope aboard, it just wasn't the same without her. She'd shown him a kind of happiness and contentment he'd never known before.

Jim had been the only one who knew, whom he’d confided in. Or rather, who’d forced it out of him. McCoy was aware that he must have been insufferable in those first few weeks, maybe months. Heartbroken and eaten up by worry about Hope, he’d snapped at everyone who came too close, biting the head off anyone who’d so much as ask him a question. The rest of the crew surely suspected, but Jim was the only one who actually knew for sure. Who knew about the night before she’d had to leave. And he’d been an incredible friend these past few months. The only thing between the doctor and self-destruction.

McCoy had been worrying about Hope incessantly, his mind refusing to listen to reason, coming up with ever new and more horrible scenarios regarding the dangers she might find herself in instead. The nights had been worst, his worries and fears even haunting him in his dreams.

First thing every morning, he’d log onto his computer, hoping to find a message from her. And sure enough, there’d been one at least once a week, reassuring him somewhat. She'd unfailingly sent him a message every week, bless her. Sometimes even more often, fully aware of how he tended to worry about her, especially when he knew her to be on one of her more dangerous missions. But his peace of mind had never lasted very long, and sooner rather than later he’d started fretting yet again.

Their communications had been very affectionate and personal, but not too intimate. They’d never mentioned their night together. Hope would tell lots of stories about her new assignment and crewmates, and he could tell that she was having a good time, which was a great relief to him. He wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. And safe.

Sometimes, she would also confide little troubles or worries, probably to let him know that he was still her confidant, but since most of the communications were recorded messages rather than real time conversations where he could give immediate advice, she’d mostly stick to funny stories, not wanting to disquiet him.

Her messages would always end with her telling him something along the lines of “miss you” or “wish you were here”, and he’d often thought that he could actually feel her longing for him. But the doctor was insecure enough not to be sure about that. She didn’t seem too upset, and the L-word was never said. McCoy and Hope were both people who felt very deeply, but maybe what they’d had that night had only been a shore leave romance for her after all.

Then again, she might just have put on a brave face for him. That would be just like her. Or ‘missing him’ might have become a phrase she used from force of habit. He couldn’t know. And he certainly hadn’t dared to ask. He’d neither wanted to compromise her, nor had he really wanted to know if she’d actually moved on.

But whatever her feelings towards him now, at least she would be around again. That alone was more than enough. He’d be able to bask in her delightful presence once more. And he'd always know where she was, and how she was. If she was safe. And happy. He'd not have to worry about her being in some kind of danger without him even being aware of it anymore. And, worst of all, having to rely on some other physician to keep her alive and well.

When he’d first found out about her returning to the Enterprise, McCoy had entertained romantic fantasies of welcoming Hope with a bouquet of a dozen red roses, sweeping her into his arms right off the transporter platform. But at the same time, he'd been afraid of making a fool of himself.

His feelings for her certainly hadn't changed. If anything, they had only grown stronger. But even though he was pretty sure he’d felt her love for him, though unspoken, in every one of her messages, he just couldn’t know if she'd want them to pick up right where they'd left off. He'd never asked her to stay faithful, and neither had she. Maybe it went without saying. He certainly couldn't imagine loving anybody else. But the last thing he'd want to do was to force her into a commitment she wasn't ready to make.

So it was just as well that Uhura and Chapel had organised a surprise ‘party’ for Hope, banning everybody but one good-looking young ensign from welcoming her in the transporter room, thus sparing the doctor the decision. With one last bounce on his toes, and trying to readjust his features into an expression that didn’t broadcast crazy in love, he stepped out of his quarters and went to join the others already waiting to welcome her back.

Chapter 2

Pavel Chekov was standing in Hope’s quarters, chatting with Sulu and Uhura. But his mind was completely elsewhere. A fact that obviously hadn’t gone unnoticed, judging from Uhura’s knowing smile.

Chapel and Uhura had brought them all here, planning to surprise Hope with a big, warm welcome, and he just couldn’t wait to see her again. He’d awfully missed her during the last six months. Her cheerfulness, her kindness, her wit. Their shared love of ballroom dancing. He fondly remembered the long hours of practicing. But dancing was just no fun without her, as he’d found out over the past few months.

After Hope had left for the Lexington, Pavel had tried dancing with, or rather teaching, other partners. All of them lovely women. But it simply hadn’t been the same. They were no match for her in gracefulness or style. And there was simply no replacing the feeling of Jenny in his arms. Pavel just hoped that she’d still want to dance with him, now that she was a lieutenant and would even be heading her own little department.

“I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time, Pavel,” Uhura broke into his thoughts, smiling mildly at him, then added with a grin, “but I admit that I can’t wait to have her back aboard and with the band, either.”

“Oh yes!” Pavel gushed, “I’ve missed her beautiful voice!” And when he saw Uhura glaring at him, he quickly added, “To complement your delightful one, of course!”

Uhura couldn’t help grinning at Chekov’s awkwardness and patted his arm soothingly. He was right, after all. Jenny did have a beautiful voice, no question about it.

The doors to Hope’s quarters hissed open, and Chekov’s face fell a little at seeing a beaming McCoy joining them. Not that he didn’t like their CMO, or begrudge him his uncustomary happiness. Especially since the doctor had obviously had reason to be off-the-scale grouchy for months. But seeing him this cheerful now, confirmed his suspicion that there was more going on between Hope and McCoy than they’d let on.

“Just remember that Jenny loves you dearly,” Uhura whispered, following his gaze to the new arrival at the door, and squeezed his arm comfortingly. She was a good friend, and she meant well, but he could almost hear her adding, like a brother, in her mind. Just like Hope had told him over and over again.

“Don’t say it!” he hissed.

And Uhura’s pitying face told him that she’d been thinking those words exactly.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny had been looking forward to returning to the Enterprise immensely. To being with all her friends again. And, of course, with that one, special man, she thought fondly, smiling as she twiddled the ring around her finger. A beautiful, dolphin-shaped gold ring that McCoy had bought her on shore leave, after she’d discovered it in a shop window and had told him about having had one just like that in her ‘first life’, around 300 years ago, and associating only special people with it.

She’d really liked her crewmates on the Lexington and had been sad to leave them. But they’d never felt like family, not the way her crewmates on the Enterprise did. So, being transferred back to her first ship truly felt like going home. The fact that Leonard McCoy was waiting there for her, of course, adding more than a little to the feeling.

The kind and handsome, if a little irascible doctor had been there for her from day one, always looking out for her, making her feel wonderfully safe and cared for, ever since she’d first come aboard. He’d also been the one to realise early on, that underneath all her cheerfulness there was a faint sadness, quietly simmering and just waiting to boil over. And with endless patience and compassion, he’d won her trust, as well as her heart, and finally coaxed the truth out of her. Namely that Starfleet had pledged her to secrecy about having been put in stasis with a rare kind of leukaemia in the late 20th century, and only been reanimated and healed less than 5 years ago.

It had taken her a while to realise that her feelings for the ship’s CMO went much deeper than a little schoolgirl crush. And then even longer to find the courage to tell him. He hadn’t made it easy for her, either, never missing a chance to point out how much older he was, and how unfit for relationships. Even though it was obvious how much she meant to him, how deeply he cared for her, he just couldn’t bring himself to admit it, always pretending that his feelings were nothing but fatherly and protective. For some reason, he was convinced that his love, let alone a relationship with him, would ruin her life.

Luckily, his resolve had weakened over their shore leave, and after their first kiss, locked in a loving embrace on the dancefloor, she’d finally been able to talk some sense into him. That long and intense conversation had led to an incredible and eye-opening night of tender lovemaking, introducing her to a level of happiness and contentment she’d never thought possible. Leonard was all she’d ever dreamed of, and more. He was perfect in every way.

All the worse her despair the next day, when Captain Kirk had come to tell her that she’d been transferred to another ship, effective immediately. The news, although basically wonderful, cause for celebration, really, had certainly pulled the rug out from under her. Instead of over the moon, she’d been devasted, hardly able to keep it together for Leonard’s sake. And she had certainly never felt more miserable or alone than on her first day on the Lexington.

She’d quickly made new friends, of course. She always did. But none of them were anything close to what the doctor and she’d had. Even long before they’d become lovers. Some of her new crewmates had asked her out, too. Not shy about letting her know that they’d like them to be more than just friends. She’d turned them all down, of course. There was no way she could have fallen in love with any of them. Her heart belonged to no one but McCoy. But some of them had not taken kindly to being rejected. It would have been so much easier, if she’d actually been able to tell them that she was already taken.

-x-x-x-x-x-

When Jenny beamed aboard, a young ensign she hadn’t met before was waiting for her in the transporter room. He welcomed her aboard with a big grin and gallantly offered to show her to her quarters.

Even though he was very nice and welcoming, she felt a sharp pang of disappointment. Of course, a new crew member beaming aboard didn’t call for a big welcome committee, and she was perfectly aware that, although a first-rate specialist in her field, she was only a lowly crew member in rank. But still, in her heart of hearts, she’d expected to see at least some of her friends on arrival. And she’d certainly counted on Leonard being there.

Maybe some emergency is keeping him in sickbay, a hopeful voice inside her head piped up.

She'd missed the doctor terribly during the past six months. More than she'd ever have thought possible. And she'd told him so in every message. But she'd also taken care not to sound too forlorn. He was such a worrywart, and she hadn’t wanted to disquiet him.

Besides, they'd only had one night together, after all. It had certainly meant the world to her, but she didn't know, if it held the same meaning for him. At the end of the day, he was only a man, and so much more experienced than her. Maybe spending one night together, no matter how loving and wonderful, didn't automatically entail commitment for him.

They’d talked a lot beforehand, of course, and deep down she knew that he loved and respected her way too much to not have thought of the consequences before taking her to bed. He’d never have deliberately hurt her feelings or taken advantage of her. But she just couldn't be sure, if he was as committed to her as she was to him. Well, maybe he wasn't, seeing as he hadn’t even taken the time to meet her in the transporter room.

She was just glad she’d never even told her closest friends about what had transpired on shore leave. Not for lack of prying on their part, obviously, since Uhura, specifically, had never stopped nagging her about details of her time alone with the good doctor. But for some reason, Jenny had always felt shy and insecure about it, and had been grateful that her having to leave for the Lexington so suddenly after hardly more than a week, had provided the perfect excuse for denying what they surely suspected.

-x-x-x-x-x-

The moment she entered her quarters, however, finding the small space almost bursting with people happily shouting, “Surprise!” or “Welcome back!” a big smile spread across her face. In an instant, she was surrounded by all her friends, embracing her, patting her on the back, wanting to know every detail about her time away. She was so overwhelmed, she didn’t know where to start or who to talk to first. And she couldn’t stop laughing. Forgotten were her insecurities from a minute ago. She was blissfully happy.

But while trying to reconnect with every one of her friends and answering all their questions, her eyes scanned the room for the one person she most wanted to see. Whose smiling eyes, and soothing voice, and loving arms she’d longed for, more than anything, during the last six months. So she craned her neck, trying to do so subtly, and found that it was not an easy feat for someone as short as her to search a room full of taller people.

Jenny finally discovered the doctor standing on the other side of her quarters, half hidden behind the partition, quietly watching her, a soft smile playing on his lips. When she saw his eyes light up and lock onto hers, everybody else seemed to just fade into the background, as she crossed over to where he was standing, drawn to him as if by some magnetic pull. It seemed to take forever to push through the throng of people crowding her quarters.

When she reached him at last, he gently pecked her on the cheek and softly drawled, “Good to have you back, girl!” Then added, grinning, “And I’m obviously not the only one who thinks so!”

All she wanted to do at that moment was fall into his arms, hold him close and never let go. But of course, she knew that wasn’t going to happen with all the people around. And he knew it, too.

So, he just briefly, but oh so tenderly, touched a gentle hand to her cheek, then gave her a wink and smiled, “Everybody wants to say hello, dear. It’s your party, go back and enjoy it. We’ve all been sorely missing you.”

With that, he gently turned her around by the shoulders, and softly pushed her back into the midst of her ‘guests’, where Jenny returned to being the centre of attention, talking to and being hugged by friend after friend.

-x-x-x-x-x-

McCoy leaned back against the bulkhead and watched her saunter off, back to greet all her friends as they came and went, crowding the small space of her quarters, and filling it with laughter and happiness. He just couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Granted, he was biased, but Hope seemed to have both blossomed and matured during her time away.

It felt so good to have her back, to be near her again. He only wished he could have her all to himself now, to hold her and make up for the past six months. To tell her how much he’d missed her. But of course, he knew that he had to wait for the others to leave. He couldn’t be too obvious in front of everyone. The doctor didn’t want to embarrass her. Or himself at that. Yet, it was torture to have her so close again and still not be able to touch her, feel her, kiss her. He hadn’t even dared to give her a hug like everybody else, knowing only too well that he wouldn’t have had the strength to let her go again.

But, of course, it was also good to see how well-loved she still was among the crew, how seamlessly she fit back in. He needed to be patient, which was, admittedly, rather a challenge for him. But for now, he had to content himself with just watching her every move. And enjoying the warmth that filled his heart, when every so often she’d look his way, their eyes meeting across the room, for the briefest of moments conveying all the tenderness and affection they felt. Moments of absolute certainty, leaving no doubt about the love they held for each other.

When she’d first entered her quarters, wearing the ring, her eyes immediately searching the room, her whole face lighting up the moment she spotted him, having eyes for no one but him as she tried to get to where he was standing as fast as she could, he’d known that everything was going to be fine. He’d seen it in her eyes, seen how tempted she was to just throw herself into his arms. That knowledge would have to be enough for the moment. It was all the proof he needed to be reassured of her love for him.

What he didn't know, was that at least two out of three times she’d glanced at him throughout the evening, it was because yet someone else had made her day by telling her how unbearably crabby, even by his standards, the doctor had been over the past few months, quite obviously desperately missing her down in sickbay.

Chapter 3

“Not quite the ecstatic reunion I’d imagined,” Uhura’s voice snickered close to her ear, as Jenny stepped away from McCoy, her face still glowing from his touch, her heart beating so fast, it felt as if her chest were on fire.

“What were you expecting, Nyota?” she asked, trying to sound indifferent while struggling to get her breathing under control and hoping that her friend hadn’t caught on to her agitation.

“I don’t know, honey,” Uhura replied, eying her suspiciously, “but certainly more than a mere peck on the cheek. Even Frowning Freddy from Engineering had a warmer hug for you!”

“Don’t be silly,” Jenny hoped to appear blasé about it, “the doctor just wanted to be quick, so I could get back to the rest of you.”

Fortunately, Spock chose that exact moment to enter, stepping to her side in one smooth stride.

“It is a pleasure to see you again, Dr. Hope,” he said politely, then surprised her with a swift almost-hug.

“See?” Uhura mouthed from behind the first officer’s shoulder, indicating first Spock, then McCoy with a wave of her hand, smirking once more at having proven her point before turning away.

“It’s good to see you, too, Mr. Spock,” Jenny replied, trying to stay focused. “I had a really interesting time away, but I’m very happy to be back on the Enterprise.”

“I will be delighted to hear about your experiences.”

Spock inclined his head, sounding genuinely interested, before allowing the corners of his mouth to curl up slightly, coming as close to smiling as a Vulcan could.

“Since you transferred to the Lexington, Dr. McCoy and I have engaged in a lot of research together. Now that you are back, I trust you will get the good doctor off my back again? Is that the correct phrase?”

Jenny couldn’t help a snort at both Spock applying human idioms and the meaning behind his words, trusting that the Vulcan knew her well enough to understand that her mirth was directed at what he’d implied, and not at him as a person. And judging from the amused sparkle in his eyes, he did.

“Yes, that is the perfect phrase,” she chuckled, smiling warmly at the Vulcan, then softly added, “I certainly will. Thank you for being such a good friend to him!”

Spock nodded curtly, then stepped aside to let an excited Chekov take his place.

“Jenny!” Pavel gushed, eagerly waving a record tape in her face. “Someone just gave me this! Genuine Rock’n’Roll from the 1950’s! Please say we can start practicing tomorrow!”

“Easy, Pavel,” Jenny laughed, realising how much she’d missed all of this, Chekov’s enthusiasm, Spock’s subtle humour, Uhura’s well-intentioned meddling. “I haven’t even unpacked yet. But, don’t worry, I can’t wait to start dancing with you again. Everybody on the Lexington seemed to have two left feet.”

That put a big smile on Chekov’s face, but before he could respond, the doors opened again, and Scotty breezed in. Breathless and frantically busy as always, but wanting to say hello, nevertheless. Jenny couldn’t help laughing out loud. It was as if she’d never been away. She’d truly come home.

“Lassie, you’re back! And looking mighty fine, too!”

Scotty’s booming voice filled her quarters, as he wrapped her in a bear hug.

“Sorry, lass, I need to get back to engineering right away. Six months on, and my poor babies still haven’t recovered from their ‘improvements’,” he scoffed, using his fingers to draw quotation marks in the air at the last word. “Wait until I show you! You really have to see it to believe it!”

“I can’t wait, Scotty,” Jenny smiled, putting a placating hand on his arm and guiding him back towards the door. “Get back to your babies already, and thanks for popping by!”

Scotty hurried out the door again, nearly colliding with the captain, who raised a surprised eyebrow.

“Is there an emergency I’m not aware of?” he asked no one in particular on entering, then turned towards Jenny, holding out his hand.

“Welcome aboard, Lt. Hope!” he smiled, emphasising her new rank and shaking her hand vigorously before pulling her into a quick but heartfelt hug. “Congratulations! I hear you did great things to get promoted so quickly. I’m awfully proud of you.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Jenny smiled, lowering her eyes bashfully. “And for getting me back on the Enterprise, too!”

“The Enterprise is where you belong, Lieutenant,” Kirk smiled kindly. “I have great plans for you.”

Then he winked at her and, leaning closer, murmured conspiratorially, “And it’s certainly good to see one happy doctor standing there.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

After talking to Hope, Kirk went over to join McCoy where he was propped against the bulkhead with a relaxed smile on his face.

“Happy, Bones?” he asked with a friendly smirk.

The doctor’s answer was a big grin that spread from ear to ear.

“Oh my, you really fell hard, old boy, didn’t you?” Kirk slapped a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “It’s good to see you so happy again. I genuinely hope it’ll work out for the two of you. She’s a real gem, Bones. Exactly what you deserve.”

“Thank you, Jim,” McCoy smiled, touched, “but we still have a long way to go. She’s so young, and I wouldn’t dream of standing in the way of her career. We’ll just have to see what’s in store for us.”

“Hope is one lucky girl to have you, Bones. And I have a feeling she knows. Anyway, I’d say although she’s young, she’s definitely old enough to know her own heart and to have realistic expectations for her future. If she wants to be with you, don’t question it too much. I’ve seen you together before, remember? And I just know that you are perfect for each other.”

McCoy nodded, appreciating his friend’s encouraging words, then remembered what Jim had said to Hope after congratulating her.

“What was that about doing great things to get promoted so quickly?” he asked, frowning a little as he realised that Hope hadn’t mentioned any details surrounding her promotion in her last message from the Lexington.

“I’m sure, she’ll be happy to tell you herself, Bones,” Kirk smiled, and McCoy found his cryptic answer slightly unsettling.

“Why do I get the impression that I’m missing something here?” he drawled, throwing the captain a quizzical glance.

“Stop worrying, Bones,” Kirk grinned. “She’s here now. And she’s well. That’s all that really counts, isn’t it?”

Bones still felt doubtful, but let it slide. He’d known Jim long enough to have learned that the captain couldn’t be pressured into spilling the beans, once he’d made up his mind not to. He’d find out soon enough, anyway, he thought, planning to question Hope about this at the first opportunity.

-x-x-x-x-x-

The ‘party’ seemed to go on forever, and while Jenny thoroughly enjoyed being surrounded by all her friends and being made to feel so welcome and loved, she also longed for everybody to leave, so that she could finally be alone with McCoy. She was desperate to know where they stood.

By the time everybody had filtered out, she was almost afraid the doctor might already have left, too. But there he was, casually leaning against the bulkhead, arms crossed in front of his chest, head tilted to one side and gazing lovingly at her with a big smile on his face that just melted her heart.

“Well, you’re certainly a very popular lady,” he drawled, the tenderness he felt for her plain in his voice and eyes. “I thought they’d never leave.”

“So did I, Leonard!” she giggled, suddenly feeling a little nervous to be alone with him. “They’re all really lovely, though. All the fuss they made over me!”

Stop babbling, Jenny, she admonished herself, this is the moment you’ve been dreaming of for months!

“Get over here already, my girl,” McCoy said affectionately, taking a step towards her and opening his arms wide.

Hope didn’t need any more prompting. With a beaming smile on her face, she ran over and practically threw herself into his arms, nearly knocking him off balance.

“Whoa!” the doctor laughed, steadying himself against the bulkhead, both amused and thrilled at her eagerness. “Easy there!”

She really was the sweetest thing, and he thought his heart would burst with love and happiness at finally being allowed to hold her.

“Oh, Leonard, I’ve wanted to do this ever since I first entered my quarters tonight,” she cried and boisterously threw her arms around his neck, adding in a muffled voice as she buried her face in his chest, “You have no idea how much self-restraint it took to keep away from you and focus on all the others instead.”

“Actually, I think I do,” he chuckled, inhaling the still familiar scent of her hair and squeezing her tightly. “Or do you think it was any easier for me?”

They held each other tightly for the longest time, neither of them wanting, or even able to let go. No kissing, no talking, just holding. Each of them overjoyed by their reunion, but at the same time a little afraid of overwhelming the other with the depth of their feelings. They had both yearned to be so close to each other again for the past six months. Yet, they were also a little scared of finding their own feelings and expectations not reciprocated, or at least not with the same certainty and intensity. They both only wanted what was best for each other, but neither of them was quite sure what that was exactly.

Finally, Jenny broke away, wanting to look at the dearly beloved face she’d seen in her dreams every night on the Lexington, only to lose herself in McCoy’s deep blue, tender eyes. Oh, how she’d longed to be with this man again, how she’d hoped and prayed for his love to last through the long period of separation.

Gazing at her lovely face, flushed with joy, her cheeks wet from happy tears she hadn’t been able to hold back, McCoy felt his heart overflow with love and tenderness. He still found it hard to believe that he should make someone this happy, and his own eyes grew moist with relief and humble gratitude. Looking at her now, there was no doubt in his mind that she felt for him as deeply as he felt for her.

“Oh my God,” Hope sighed, smiling up at him fondly, “it’s so good to feel your arms around me again. I never knew it was possible to miss someone this badly.”

“I know,” he drawled. “I missed you, too, love. So much, I could hardly bear it. Letting you go that evening was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

And smiling at her through his own unshed tears, he gently pulled her back into his arms and tenderly kissed the top of her head.

His heart ached, feeling her whole body starting to tremble as she snuggled ever closer against him, seeking the comfort of his embrace, after having missed the feeling of security it gave her for so long.

“It’s gonna be fine, love,” he softly assured her, gently nuzzling her hair, “you’re back with me now. And I don’t think I can ever let you go again.”

“Is that a promise, Leonard?” she asked in a low voice.

“No, my love,” he replied quietly, “it’s a fact.”

Jenny’s heart leapt at his words, and a tiny sob escaped her, to which she felt McCoy immediately respond with a comforting squeeze of his gentle hands. So very typical of him. How could she ever have doubted the depth of his love for her?

She let him hold her a little longer, relishing the feeling of safety and being cared for she could only ever find with him. When she felt calmer again, she gently disengaged from his embrace, took his hand in hers, and without another word led him over to her bed.

They sat down quietly, and he searched her face for clues as to what she expected him to do next. Ever the gentleman, he let her take the lead, and only when she tilted her face up, bringing her lips close to his, did she find herself immersed in a kiss that took her breath away.

She felt her knees go weak, her brain turn to mush, her whole being on fire with the need to be closer to him than anyone had ever been. A desire burning inside her, she’d had no idea she was capable of. And when she looked up at him and saw the same desire burning in his eyes, she was totally lost.

Chapter 4

McCoy was on the brink of losing control. Six months of unfulfilled dreams had taken their toll. And when he felt Hope’s hot, willing body pressing against him with such urgent need, he could hardly contain himself anymore. It was almost more than he could take, and yet he loved and respected her enough to restrain himself a little longer.

Summoning up all his willpower, he straightened up and, lightly gripping her arms, gazed at her intently.

“Are you sure you want this, Jenny?” he asked huskily.

“I couldn’t be surer, Leonard,” she smiled, holding his gaze with wide eyes, her pupils dilated with desire. “I’ve dreamed about this every single night for the past six months.”

Her words went straight to McCoy’s groin.

“But what about you?” she asked, suddenly insecure. “Are you sure this is what you want? Or are you having second thoughts?”

“Believe me, there’s nothing I want more, my love,” he was quick to assure her, his eyes soft with longing. And gently taking her face between his hands, he emphatically added, “You’re all I’ll ever want.”

That’s when the floodgates opened. Hope started to giggle, almost hysterically, then her eyes filled with tears, and suddenly her laugh turned into sobs, as she wiped a helpless hand across her eyes. She turned away abruptly and clapped her hands over her face, caught in a crying fit she was powerless to stop.

“Oh, love, what’s wrong?” McCoy asked, completely taken aback by her display of emotional overload.

The doctor put his arms around her, holding her tight as her body shook uncontrollably, racking with sobs. She was trying to say something, but unable to talk through her tears and helpless to stop them from flowing, just shaking her head repeatedly as she clung to him.

He wanted to comfort her, but all he could do was gently rock her, stroke her hair, and rub her back, while trying to figure out what had just happened. One minute they were on the verge of making love, and the next she was a sobbing mess in his arms, desperately fighting to regain control.

Had he said or done anything to upset her? No. He dismissed the thought again. It was more likely just emotional release, as the relief of being back ‘home’ after the long time away caught up with her. McCoy was reminded of the time he’d held her like that on the observation deck, the evening she’d confided in him about her past, and hoped to God that Starfleet hadn’t foisted another secret upon her.

After a while, she pulled back and looked up at him, smiling through her tears which he tenderly brushed away with his thumbs while searching her face intently. Having been taken away from him, just when she could have found some stability in her time-warped life, had obviously left her more emotionally raw than she’d let on in her messages. Despite her brave face and sunny disposition, she had a very tender soul that was easily affected by an emotional rollercoaster like the one Starfleet had put her on, and needed to be gently taken care of.

He felt the familiar anger at the Starfleet officials who’d put her through this rise up inside him. Along with the even more familiar guilt at not being there for her, when she’d so obviously needed him. The feeling of having failed her, when he’d let her go that evening, six months ago, reasserted itself with full force and nearly broke his heart.

Seeing the worried frown on the doctor’s face, Jenny took a few deep breaths and shakily said, “I’m sorry, Leonard, please don’t worry! There’s nothing wrong. Quite the contrary! I’m just so relieved. And so happy. It only just hit me that this is for real. That I’m really back in your arms. And that you still… I didn’t know if you’d still...”

She broke off again.

“If I still loved you?” he asked softly, a few emotional tears running down his cheeks now, too. “How could you ever doubt that?”

“Oh Leonard, I don’t know,” she tried to find the right words to explain what was going on inside her. “It’s been so long, and it was only one night after all. And when you weren’t in the transporter room when I beamed up, I thought that maybe I had just imagined… I mean you’re a very attractive man, surrounded by so many brilliant and beautiful women who are so very much more … experienced than I am…”

The words were pouring out of her, and McCoy’s chest tightened in sympathy. Where the hell had all that come from? It wasn’t like her to be so unsure of herself at all. Granted, she’d been a little shy and self-conscious that first night, which he’d found adorable. But as the night went on, he’d been pretty sure that that ‘problem’ had taken care of itself.

But then again, he had to admit that he’d felt more than a little insecure himself, waiting for her in her quarters earlier that evening. A lot could happen in six months, after all.

“Jenny, my love,” he sighed, shaking his head indulgently as he tenderly cupped her face in his hands and lovingly gazed into her big dark eyes, “where do I even start? Yes, we only had one night of intimacy. The most wonderful night of my life, I might say. I’ve never experienced anything close to it. It was incredible! Don’t you remember? I mean, you were there, too!”

Jenny had to laugh despite herself. The doctor was unspeakably sweet, forever finding the right words to reassure her and make her feel good about herself.

“Oh, yes, it was an amazing night,” she agreed, “and I’ve dreamed about it ever since. But I guess, sometimes, I still feel a little inadequate. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought this up. That was just silly me being insecure.”

“Don’t be,” he said quietly. “You have no reason to be insecure or to feel inadequate. You are perfect in every way.”

Hope cast him a glance that clearly meant she thought he was exaggerating. But McCoy went on undeterred.

“I mean it, Jenny. Besides, we had far more than just one night, and you know it. That night was just the cherry on the cake. Fact of the matter is that we had a whole, wonderful year. Can we agree on that?”

Hope nodded silently, her eyes showing how moved she was by his words.

“A year during which I fell a little more in love with you every day,” he continued. “The best year of my life, really. I don’t know what you take me for, and yes, I might have had a woman here and there across the galaxy over the years, I’m only a man after all. But this is special, you are special. And I haven’t been with another woman ever since I first met you. I simply couldn’t. Because you hold my heart. You’re everything I could wish for, and more. Don’t you ever forget that!”

He fell silent, having surprised himself once again by how eloquently he could express his deepest feelings to Hope. He, who could certainly talk passionately and wordily about a lot of things, but who’d always had a problem voicing his more tender feelings, like love and affection, usually ending up hiding those behind sarcastic remarks.

“Wow,” Jenny breathed at last, deeply touched by his declaration of love and faithfulness, and grateful for him to have volunteered it. “Men have certainly changed over the centuries. But then again, it might just be you. Probably is just you.”

“Well, that’s only for you to know, love,” he smiled, raising an amused eyebrow. “I couldn’t. I’ve only ever known this century.”

“Neither could I,” she replied softly, taking his hand and raising it to her lips, tracing the hollow of his palm with tiny kisses that rendered him weak with desire. “You’re my only reference this century, Leonard. And I’d certainly like it to stay that way.”

Now it was McCoy’s turn to breathe a grateful sigh of relief. Hope was incredibly sweet. In one casual sentence she’d told him everything he needed to know but would never have dared to ask, making him unbelievably happy. But knowing her as he did, it probably hadn’t been that casual at all, but said very deliberately, yet tactfully, to assure him of her faithfulness.

Not able to hold back any longer, McCoy pulled her into his arms again. He started to kiss her with a passion that demanded release. And finding her lips and tongue responding with an urgency that matched his desire, his hands hurriedly started to undress her.

At least I know how to take off a Starfleet uniform, he thought, grinning to himself, as he fondly remembered not being able to figure out how to unzip her antiquated sundress that night on shore leave.

Jenny tensed a little, when she felt him starting to undress her. Not that she didn’t want him to, of course. She was more than ready to feel his magic hands on her skin again, the touch of his fingers and lips all over her body, doing those incredible things to her. But she also knew that it wouldn’t be long now until he discovered the scar on her lower back. And knowing him, this would instantly kill his desire and replace it with shock. And worry. And the need to know every little detail about how it got there without further delay.

Instead of finally succumbing to the out-of-this-world sensations of his ministrations, which she’d fantasised about for months, she’d have to tell him the whole story, and face his wrath at not having been told right away to boot. And sure enough, before he’d even slipped off her uniform dress, let alone given her the chance to rid him of any of his clothes, his caressing hand found its way to the small of her back, and she felt his whole body stiffen instantaneously.

“What the…” he gasped in surprise, as he swiftly turned her around to have a look at her back.

Jenny sighed, as her foreboding was confirmed, and she knew that more than just the moment had passed.

“My God!” he exclaimed as she felt his fingers gently probing the scar. “What is this? Who did this to you? And why hasn’t it been fixed? Don’t they have doctors on the Lexington? This should have been treated within the first twelve hours! I always thought Victoria was a decent physician! Surely, she could have done better than this?”

Jenny waited for his rant to end, so that she could finally get a word in, feeling bad at hearing him attack the Lexington’s CMO, who’d become a really good friend, like that.

“She couldn’t, because she was wounded, too. Far more severely than I was,” Jenny explained, turning around again. Then, confronted with McCoy’s hard, questioning gaze, clearly expecting her to elaborate, she went on, heaving a sigh, “It’s a long story, Leonard. And I’m going to tell you everything. But can we please get a little more comfortable first?”

The doctor’s face softened, and he pulled her close again.

“Of course, love, I’m sorry,” he relented. “Are you in any pain now? Let me just get my tricorder.”

He started to get up, but Jenny held him back, resting her hand on his thigh.

“Leonard! I’m all right. And I’m not in pain,” she said soothingly. “It just turns out that my skin, like my bones, takes a little longer to heal. The doctors on the Lexington have done everything they could. But there wasn’t enough time, because I really wanted to get back to the Enterprise.”

She smiled at him lovingly. There was no way he could disagree with that.

“All right,” he grumbled, carefully pulling down and straightening out her uniform dress again. “Let’s get comfortable. Because I sure as hell want to know the whole damn story. Now.”

Belying his gruff words, he tenderly kissed her forehead, before pulling her to her feet and guiding her over to the couch. Jenny followed him silently, the mixture of love, hurt, and worry, he radiated, almost tangible as he sat down and pulled her into his arms, cradling her head against his chest. Their position of choice, whenever they had serious matters to discuss, and the safest place Jenny had ever known.

Chapter 5

Jenny settled back in the doctor’s arms and took a moment to relish the feeling. This feeling of being wrapped in love, that she’d missed for so long, but which was still so familiar. How many times had they sat like this before? On a couch, just like now, or some bench, or even the cold, hard ground somewhere on a mission. Long before they’d become lovers, the feeling had always been there.

She blinked her eyes, drawing her mind back to the present. McCoy was holding her tight, tenderly running his hand up and down her arm, and she felt the gentle breeze of his breath in her hair and his heart beating fast against her cheek, as he waited for her to collect her thoughts and start talking. Desperate to find out what had happened to her, she knew how hard it was for him to keep patient. And she loved him the more for it.

The hand that caressed her arm, repeatedly slid down to the small of her back, gently resting on her scar, his touch delicate and warm through the fabric of her uniform, as if he wanted to heal her with nothing but tender love and sheer force of will.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Despite loving to hold her like this, to feel her body snuggle closer in search of comfort and protection she wasn’t even aware she was looking for, McCoy was growing restless and tense with frustration. Mostly with Hope for not having told him sooner, but also with himself for not having been there to keep her from harm. Irrational, he knew. And, also, way too late. It was over, whatever it was. She was here now. She was fine. Safe in his arms.

Wait! Weren’t those Jim’s exact words? ‘Don’t worry, Bones, she’s here now, she’s well?’ The bastard! He’d known all about it!

The doctor was roused from his angry thoughts, when Hope started to speak.

“We were on this mission to rescue the political leader of Darvos II, who’d fallen into the hands of authoritarian extremists, along with his family and a group of Federation diplomats, who’d been there to help end the terrible war between the two major political groups that had been decimating the planet’s population through endless massacres and terrorist attacks over decades. Our orders were to take them aboard the Lexington and have them negotiate there with the leader of the opposition, away from all the terror on Darvos II.”

McCoy was listening attentively, if impatiently, silently urging her to get to the point. Terrible as all of this certainly was, right now he was more interested in what had happened to Hope than the political circumstances of this planet. Thankfully, she must have sensed his restlessness.

“Let’s just say it was all worth it in the end, because we were successful,” she raised her head a little to beam at him, and he felt his heart swell with love at the joy and pride on her face. “They ended that atrocious war, the terrorists on both sides were, and still are, being hunted down and punished, and,” she continued, her smile widening even more, “I got promoted and transferred back to the Enterprise.”

At that, she wound her arm around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. McCoy was sorely tempted to just give in to those soft, inviting lips, which was obviously exactly what she’d intended, but his need to know everything about that scar was still too strong. So he gently pulled back, placed one hand protectively on the small of her back, and fixed her with a meaningful gaze.

“Don’t try to distract me, love!” he smiled, not quite managing to sound stern, looking in those soft, brown eyes. “Just tell me what happened. I really need to know.”

With a small sigh and an indulgent nod, she put her head back on his chest and carried on with her story.

“It was a secret mission, everything had to be very hush-hush, so Victoria and I beamed down alone.”

“Wait a minute!” McCoy sat bolt upright, hardly believing what he’d just heard.

Holding her at arm’s length and staring at her, aghast, he needed clarification.

“Are you saying they let two women beam down alone to save a whole party of people from who knew how many terrorists all by themselves?”

“Uh, yes,” Hope stammered, a little taken aback by the doctor’s outburst, even though she should have known better. “But we knew exactly how many terrorists, and we went prepared, phasers in hand and set on heavy stun.”

“Why you?” McCoy asked, still livid at the idea of her deliberately being exposed to such danger.

“Because there were several casualties among the party we were supposed to rescue, and with my training in both communications and medical assistance, I was the perfect choice to accompany the doctor.”

Hope paused again, probably hoping for him to calm down and see the reasoning behind this. But all he could see were images of her, alone and unprotected, facing a horde of villains all by herself.

“At first, everything went according to plan,” Hope went on, putting a soothing hand on his and calling his attention to his grip on her arm, that had tightened considerably since she’d started talking. “We could take down the terrorists as intended, and quickly had the diplomats and the leader’s family beamed up, since none of them were seriously injured.”

“What then?” McCoy was getting really impatient now, drumming his fingers against her hip and urging her on with his eyes.

“Unfortunately, we had found a lot more people than just the leader’s party being held by the terrorists,” Hope sighed. “Many of them badly injured. So Victoria and I had to stay behind and treat them. That’s when several more terrorists appeared out of nowhere, wielding these kind of daggers and moving incredibly fast. I got stabbed and knocked out with a blow to the head before I could even let go of my patient and get my hand on my phaser.”

“They stabbed you while you were tending to the injured?” McCoy whispered, shaking his head in disbelief and pulling her back into his arms, desperate to feel her warm body against him, breathing and alive. “Have they got no integrity at all?”

“It seems not,” she chuckled mirthlessly, her voice muffled by his shirt, and the doctor loosened his tight embrace a little so she could keep on talking. “I can’t have been unconscious for long, but when I came to again, everything was quiet. They were gone, and so were my phaser and communicator.”

Hope raised her face to his and pressed a quick kiss on his lips, giving him the most affectionate smile, while he wondered what was coming next.

“Thankfully, you taught me well, Leonard,” she said softly, her eyes shining with love and gratitude. “I checked myself for injuries first, but when I saw the pool of blood where Victoria was lying not far from me, I knew I had to act quickly. Luckily, they hadn’t taken my medikit, so I was able to apply pressure bandages, first to myself, then to her, and check our readings. Victoria was in a bad way, and I didn’t really want to take my hands off her bandage, feeling the compression wasn’t strong enough to stop the bleeding. But there were so many Darvosians lying around, who I had to go check on, too.”

McCoy held his breath and felt the blood drain from his face, visualising everything clearly as she spoke. Victoria was an experienced doctor, but with her down, Hope had been on her own.

“I quickly went from one to the other, finding all but three of them dead already.”

Her voice trailed away and she swallowed hard, the memory understandably getting to her, and McCoy gently squeezed her arm and brushed a tender kiss on her forehead.

“Victoria and I were lucky, because the terrorists obviously didn’t know that humans have their organs arranged differently, and just left us for dead with the others, thinking they’d stabbed us right in the heart.”

McCoy winced, trying to keep his mind from conjuring up all the different scenarios that wouldn’t have led to Hope sitting here with him now.

“I’m so sorry, love, you had to go through all of this,” he murmured, cupping her face in his hand and smiling when he felt her lean into his touch as he’d known she would. “What did you do? Did you get the Lexington to beam you up quickly?”

“With the communicators gone, I couldn’t,” she shook her head, then looked deeply into his eyes and softly said, “So I tried to think of what you would do, if you were here. And in a way you were. You’re always with me. Maybe it was because of the blood loss, but I could practically hear your soothing voice and see you calmly going about your business, as you always do in emergencies.”

McCoy was deeply touched and had to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I kept running back and forth between Victoria, to check on her bandage, and the three Darvosians, whom I treated as well as I could, being only vaguely familiar with their physiology, while looking for our communicators at the same time. I was lucky. I found them, smashed and trampled, close by, and, fortunately, was able to fix one of them enough to send out the emergency signal. And that was that. The whole story, Leonard,” she finished with a deep sigh, looking at him expectantly.

“You’re an amazing woman, Jennifer Hope,” McCoy smiled, hugging her to him and nuzzling her hair, wishing he could keep her safe in his arms forever, yet feeling the greatest admiration for her. “And I’m incredibly proud of you.”

She pulled out of his embrace to look at him, and he was immediately drowning in her beautiful eyes, beaming at him with undisguised love. And pride. And joy. And longing. And a million other emotions that made his heart leap like only Hope could.

“You know, Leonard,” she said quietly, her eyes holding his gaze, “volunteering to work in sickbay that evening, when I first came aboard the Enterprise, has been the best decision of my life.”

“Is that so?” McCoy raised an amused eyebrow, casting his mind back to the evening he’d first met her.

“It is,” she replied affectionately. “In every respect. It’s helped my career, broadening my range of assignment and making me an asset for Starfleet, it’s saved my life and that of others, and, most importantly, I got to know you that way!”

“Oh, yes, grouchy, worried old me,” the doctor chuckled, his eyes radiating all the warmth and tenderness he felt for her.

Hope leaned over, tenderly brushing her lips to his, and chuckling, “If you hadn’t groused so loudly about Starfleet that day, I’d never even have thought about working in sickbay. Therefore, I’m eternally grateful to you for being the loveliest grouch in the universe. And a wonderful teacher, too. If it weren’t for all the things you taught me, I might not have survived the past six months. So, thank you for saving my life, Leonard. Many times over.”

McCoy had to choke back the tears. How did she always do that? He was grumpy, he was irascible, he was sarcastic, and yet, with only a few words, Hope could touch him so deeply, she could render him all soft and mellow within the blink of an eye.

Trying to hide his emotion, he buried his face in her hair and started to trail little kisses down her face, his hand unintentionally gliding down to the scar on her back again, and he suddenly felt the hurt of not having known about any of her plight resurfacing. How could she have left him happily going about his business, while she was dealing with the physical and emotional aftermath of such peril? She could have died there and then, and he wouldn’t even have known.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny clearly felt the doctor’s abrupt change of mood, as his hand moved back to her scar, and sighed. But, of course, she’d known that his ever-worrying mind wouldn’t let go of the fact that she’d been in mortal danger without him knowing about it, lightly.

“Does the scar bother you, Leonard?” she asked softly, regretting her choice of words the moment they were out of her mouth.

“Does the scar bother me?” he repeated incredulously, glaring at her from eyes of blue steel.

Jenny had a hard time holding his gaze.

“It’s not the scar that bothers me, dammit! It’s the fact that you got stabbed in the back and didn’t even think to mention it to me!” he blustered, his face dark and anguished. “I thought we were close, always there for each other.”

“But we are! Don’t you see? That’s exactly the reason why I couldn’t tell you. Not until I was back in your arms and you could see me well and happy again, anyway. I knew you’d react like this. I knew you’d tear your hair out over not being able to be there for me, treat me, fuss over me. That you wouldn’t be able to get a wink of sleep until you could hold me, feel me, alive, in your arms again.”

“Is that what I do? Make a fuss over you? Am I that much of a nuisance?” was his sullen reply, and Hope couldn’t help heaving a sigh.

“Of course, you’re not a nuisance, Leonard! Please don’t put words in my mouth! I love the way you care. About me, about most everything. I love feeling safe and cared for with you. It’s the reason I couldn’t wait to get back to the Enterprise after the incident. But I didn’t want to worry you. Don’t you understand? That’s the only reason why I wanted to wait until now.”

McCoy opened his mouth to say something, but Jenny, guessing his next question correctly from the look in his eyes, quickly went on, “And I explicitly asked the captain not to tell you either. What would have been the point? Other than worrying you senseless over nothing.”

“Over nothing?” the doctor hissed.

“Well, nothing that you could have done anything about, anyway,” she mumbled feebly.

McCoy looked at her long and hard, and she could see that he was torn between rage and understanding.

“I love you, Jenny,” he said eventually, and then quietly asked, “Don’t I have a right to worry about you?”

All the fight had gone out of him, and Jenny felt her heart breaking at the despondent look on his face.

“Of course, you have,” she replied ruefully, raising her hand to caress his face. “I love you, too! More than words can say.”

Had she been wrong to keep this from him? She’d only wanted to protect him, knowing that he’d be eaten up by worry, even if he knew her to be all right again. But considering his history of relationships, how they’d left him feeling unfit for commitment, and how desperately he wanted to get it right this time, with her, maybe honesty and trust would have been more important than protecting him from his fears.

“I’m sorry, Leonard,” she finally said, her tender gaze never leaving his eyes, still boring into hers. “I just wanted to protect you, but I can see now that I was wrong. You’re right. You deserve to know everything that concerns me. Even if it’s hurtful or causing you sleepless nights. I promise not to keep anything from you ever again.”

His eyes softened, as he leaned towards her and started to kiss her fervently.

Coming up for air, she stood up from the couch, trying to loosen the tight muscles in her back around the scar, and looked deeply into his eyes.

“Just know that I’m okay now, Leonard.”

“But are you?” he asked softly, coming to stand behind her, gently putting his arms around her waist and pulling her tightly against his chest.

Of course, he hadn’t missed her stretching her back to ease the pain.

“Just a slight twinge now and then,” she smiled leaning into him with a soft sigh. “You can check it out to your heart’s content tomorrow in sickbay. But for now, please, let’s just enjoy being together again.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

Continue to: Chapters 6-10 Chapters 11-15 Chapters 16-20 Chapters 21-25 Chapters 26-30 Chapters 31-35 Chapters 36-40 Chapters 41-45 Chapters 46-50 Chapters 51-55 Chapters 56-60 Chapters 61-65 Chapters 66-70 Chapter 71

Or read it on AO3: Another Life

************ Disclaimer: Nothing of or associated with Star Trek is mine – it all belongs to Paramount / ViacomCBS (or whoever else is currently holding the rights). This is a work of fanfiction, no infringement intended.

I have not given "Plush Books" - or anyone - permission to use my work.

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gandrewheadcannons · 5 years ago

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Drabble 1 (angst) (open ended)

I wrote a drabble that’s angsty like I’ve been recently.

Andrew doesn’t wish often for things. He prides himself on being reasonable. Pragmatic. He’s meticulously organized and often not caught up in frivolous thoughts that would have him desiring for something he could just create with a well-thought-out plan to achieve. He lived very much by the notion of ‘if you want it, go for it’ and liked that about himself. It kept him grounded, kept him level headed. Made it so he could breathe easier when he was anxious. If he stayed far away from wishing then he had less to add to his mix of doubt and insecurities. But right now, very out of character, he found himself sitting alone at two o’clock in the morning wishing.

Ryland had stopped filming hours ago and Shane had retreated to the editing room to work. Andrew had declined working in the same room as him feeling squicked by the copious amount of lip gloss Shane had been smearing across his mouth. He was left to his own devices in the spare bedroom when a picture had appeared across his twitter feed that had stopped him in his tracks. It was an old photo of him and Garrett, something someone had screen grabbed from a video where Garrett’s eyes are twinkling and Andrew’s got a soft smile as he stares at the boy. The person had tagged them both and added a message of ‘soft bois’ with a bunch of emoji hearts. It had been shared and liked a good number of times but it wasn’t the picture itself that had him stopping. He’d seen it so many times that at this point it didn’t surprise him to see the way he was watching Garrett in it.

No, what had him stopping was the top tweet underneath it that read, ‘Im sad they don’t seem to hang anymore…used to ship but now I hope Garrett finds people who can appreciate him. The squad definitely doesn’t’ That tweet had almost as many likes as the original, a list of people agreeing. He hesitates to click the profile and then decides against it, exiting Twitter completely and then opening his messages and scrolling to find the conversation with Garrett. It had been a few weeks since they’d texted and Andrew feels a bubble of guilt building in his stomach fluttering amidst something else that Andrew realizes is desire. He misses Garrett. He could easily admit that to anyone who asked. He didn’t to see him as much now that Shane had moved and Andrew spent the majority of his time here. But what he wasn’t sure that he was so readily able to admit would be the fact that, even though it’s just a brief moment, he wishes more than anything that Garrett was there with him.

Looking around the guest room it feels lonely and isolating with the glow of his phone and computer screen the only lights. Biting the corner of his thumb nail he hesitates as he figures out what to send. It was late and though he knew Garrett was awake he found himself, for one of the first times in their friendship, unsure of how to start a conversation with him. Thinking back to the horoscope Shane had read him he blushes despite being alone with his intrusive thoughts. He knew he adored Garrett. Had always done so from the moment they’d met in person and Garrett had shared his cold brew and spoke excitedly about a puppy he’d seen on the way to meet him.

Garrett was his go to guy for any anxieties he might have, his favorite person to get lost with in conversations, but he seemed so far away as of late. He hadn’t wanted to be a part of the series this time. Had explained it softly to them back in February that he’d rather take time for himself and to be with his family. It had felt like a slow bandaid being pulled achingly from Andrew’s side; the comfort of laughter and ease not being present in the long days of filming for the past nine months. He was tired.

Bypassing the messaging all together he bites the bullet and hits the call button, the screen enlarging with buttons and ‘calling G’ scrolling across the top. He’s about ready to hang up and send an apology text with each uwhen all of a sudden Garrett picks up. It’s loud in the background of wherever he is. Andrew hates that he doesn’t know.

“Hey!” Garrett’s voice shouts loudly. “Give me a minute, I’m trying to go outside.” There’s clinking of glasses and someone shouting as music suddenly blares and then it all fades into a quiet hum like something pulled from a movie. “Sorry!” Garrett sounds breathless and laughs a little. “It’s wild in there. What’s up? Are you okay?” His voice going from laughter to concern, the volume lowering into a normal speaking tone with Garrett’s quick pacing sprinkled into the tone.

“I’m good.” Andrew already feels the constricting in his chest lightening some. “Where are you?” A nervous laugh bubbling over and spilling between his lips as he says, “it’s like…way past a Garrett Watts approved party time.” Garrett lets out a manic laugh and Andrew finds himself craving to see the reaction in person.

“Oh I know! It’s so silly. I really did want to leave like three hours ago but now I’m kind of stuck because I got too drunk to drive back home.” Andrew can detect a hint of slurring to confirm the statement. A drunk Garrett was one of his favorite versions; overly tactile and honest with whoever he was with. Andrew could do with a hug.

“Are you okay? You want a ride?” Being forty minutes away was a stretch of an offer but Andrew found that he was up and walking towards his shoes. He’d drive it if it meant spending one night with Garrett.

“Oh Andrew that’s so sweet!” Garrett coos, “I’m really okay, it’s fine. You’re probably at Shane’s anyways?” Andrew hates that he’s so predictable now. Misses when he was only down the street.

“Yeah I am.” He sighs. From his window he can see one of the driveways with his car in it. “I don’t mind, Garrett. I can come.” He presses further. Garrett makes a booing sound and laughs again.

“It’s fine!” Then he drops his voice. “Actually, can I tell you something?” He trails off like he’s to giddy to contain the giggles that erupt. “It’s so crazy, Andrew. But oh!” He lets out another nervous laughter. “I kind of…maybe met someone.” He’s breathless, slurring together the last of his words into one quick session.

“What?” Andrew feels blank. Garrett had met someone. It wasn’t like this was different. Garrett had met so many people and Andrew had picked him up from countless of dates that hadn’t gone well but the last he’d heard; Garrett wasn’t interested in dating anyone. “Like…a someone?” His throat feels painfully scratchy like if he speaks any louder his hammering heart might claw its way up it and out through his mouth. Pitiful. The best way to describe himself in the moment.

“Yeah!” Garrett is whispering. “His name is Ron. We didn’t even meet through Tinder I just like… kept seeing him at the same diner as me at the same time and we ended up eating together a few times. I thought we were just friends but it turns out he thought we were on a few dates!” Garrett laughs. “I pretty much suck at this.” He admits but he doesn’t sound as despondent as he normally would with the statement. In fact, he sounds more amused.

“Wow.” He’s stilted in his commentary. The hopeful feeling that had warmed his body was slowly drained and replaced with something akin to regret. “How…uh.” He clears his throat annoyed that he feels like crying. “How long?” He wants Garrett to say a week. Wants him to say that he doesn’t think it’ll go anywhere.

“A few months,” Garrett says hastily. “I dunno. We aren’t like…it’s not super serious. But I really like him.” He’s enraptured as he says it.

Nine months of almost no time together save the odd weekday coffee now and then had Garrett in a relationship with someone for more than just a week. Andrew is definitely going to be sick.

“That’s great,” It isn’t. Nothing feels great. Andrew wants to hang up the phone. “Hey, actually, I have to go.” He tries to not let his disappointment seep through his gritted teeth. Garrett doesn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of his regret.

“Oh.” Garrett's disappointed. “Are you sure?” Andrew doesn’t want to. Wants to stay on the phone with him for hours. Wants to lay on his brown leather couch and watch an obscure western Garrett had found on Vimeo. Wants to drink English breakfast tea as they watch the sun rise because they’d stayed up too late make stupid videos he’d saved into a special file on his hard drive.

“Yeah man, I didn’t know you were out and stuff.” He doesn’t want to be that guy, unsure if he means the one who keeps a friend on the phone during a party or the one who is desperate for that friend to pity him enough to do it anyways. He’s not sure he cares that he’s both.

“I don’t mind, Andrew.” Garrett sounds surprisingly sober all of a sudden. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Andrew nods then remembers that Garrett can’t see him through the phone.

“Yeah.” He lets out a breath to loosen the constricting around his throat. Please stay with me threatens to pour out but he manages to keep it contained. They’re quiet.

“Megan Batoon get another boyfriend?” He knows Garrett is joking but it’s that comment that has him realizing why Garrett had gone and found someone knew. The slight under bite coupled with the reminder that Andrew wasn’t supposed to be interested in Garrett like that.

“No boyfriend.” He can’t bring the joke to life either. “Not her at least.” It falls flat. The noise from the background is completely gone now and Andrew wishes for the distraction of it back. He can hear Garrett’s breathing through the phone, heavy puffs like he’s starting up to say something then thinking better of it. Before Andrew can continue and apologize for whatever weird, standoffish twist their conversation had taken he hears someone calling Garrett’s name in the background. There’s a shuffle and then hushed tones before Garrett is back on the phone.

“Hey man.” He clicks his tongue disappointed. “I gotta go but maybe we can meet up for coffee sometime soon? Catch up.” He doesn’t sound like he had before. Sounds like he’s making an obligation to save whatever it is they have.

“Yeah.” Andrew wants so badly for that to happen and for them to climb back into each other’s space. “I really want to.” He knows it’s just a formality at this point. He only has a few weeks before the first episode drops. Coffee soon was looking like November if they both really tried.

“Cool! Yeah, that’d be good. Talk to you later,” Garrett doesn’t hang up quite yet, like he’s waiting. “Love you.” He tacks on as if he’s embarrassed to be saying it. It’s rushed.

“Love you.” Andrew’s slides out easily as if it was simple. A phrase both of them accustomed to saying. It shouldn’t be so hard. The phone goes quiet and when Andrew finally grows the will to pull it down from his ear it’s just his home screen. His heart sinks at the lack of Garrett.

Sadness envelops him like a blanket as he curls deep into the crevice of the bed with his hood pulled tightly up. Steering clear of Twitter he opens up Netflix on his phone and tries to fall asleep to an episode of The Office, Michael Scott’s antics soothing his mind. His dreams filled with images he can’t recall being real or not, Garrett’s name on the edge of his tongue; a sloshing wave of regret in his stomach. He makes a promise to himself then- no more wishing allowed, developing a plan to fix them before the year was up. It was what he did.

#gandrew #drabble 1 #angst drabble #open ended drabble #i might continue it if people wantedddd #i'm just in a mood lol #hope u enjoy ;)

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alegotic-twelve · 6 years ago

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read if you want (warning, very very long post)

I have decided to speak calmly, transparently and with the truth, to bring an end to all this

I know it's a subject that I should have left already, that I should have overcome but let's say that, I'm not the kind of person who swallows emotions, and lets others tell lies about her, or her friends so that's why I make this post

a few days ago, well, weeks (more time, I think), s0me-rand0m-fand0m was dedicated to talking many things about Moy, a Korean artist who, despite her great talent, has not been able to reach as much scope as she deserves , maybe by the haters, by many post that say many things about her, I do not know In short, since I am her friend, I go out to defend her, because, that's what friends do even so, things got more difficult when this artist that I nickname puppo (was his nickname when we met) decided to find ways to invade our privacy and publish not only personal drawings, but content that was totally taken out of context

firstly I will not deny that, yes, Funnylunetta is 16 years old, legally does not meet the age to be called an adult, even so, she is a teenager with enough coefficient to make the decisions that she wants, I am not the one to tell her what to do And what not to do, besides, before I could realize, was her friend, and then I knew that she was 16 years old (it's internet, the last thing you know about a person is their personal data)

but if I denied having shared my drawings of fictional characters with children older than 15 years, on the server where I posted this, there were more than 70 people, many fans, and some friends of Funnylunetta, on the server nsfw and gore channels, they were blocked, only those that Lola gave them access could enter and see the content Funnylunetta and Spacy were the only ones under 18 on the nsfw channels, although, if there was another, I do not know, again, I can not know the age of everyone or their personal data

If someone tells you that it was not like that, well, then you are simply lying to try to create another environment my intention to draw nsfw is not about morbid or looking for minors to see, on the server was just another way to share with my friends, much as Moy did, because I never seek to hurt someone or try something with someone, from Anyway, they are just drawings, if you think that can harm a person, then maybe you should start to differentiate reality from fiction

in short, Puppo says faithfully that this is wrong, because they are "minor" It is true that the law says that a child under 18 can not be considered an adult, that he can not consume pornographic content, and I respect this law, because in any case if I see a child watching porn, it would obviously turn off the computer even so, we are not talking about children from 5 to 10 years old, nor less than 11 we are talking about teenagers from 15 years old and up, but in the post they do not stop showing that they are "children" no, they are not, believe me, if I was their age, and I ever had, it would bother me to be nicknamed a child Being a teenager is another thing, is that your body begins to change, your mind too, you start to mature, and there are things that start to get your attention, I was a teenager, since I was 11 years old, I was drawing and consuming material nsfw, I'm not proud of that, obviously, but it's something that happens, because no one can tell me that as a teenager he did not see at least this type of content at least once and if you tell me no, you're just lying to me

Also, although Moy and I did not know Lola, she would continue to consume nsfw and drawing it, because she draws it, but consumes it only as a creative medium many times, all teenagers

Now, returning to the topic, yes, I understand that the rules of Tumblr also indicate that sharing nsfw content with a minor is prohibited, but, no, we never share any explicit content with Funnylunetta inside the tumblr website.

Now, have you thought about how this affected "the victim"? obviously she, or anyone in our circle of friends have wanted to talk about it, are not happy, we are in a difficult situation, because they want to ruin everything we have, and Funnylunetta has chosen to tell us not to say anything, that we simply ignore , a blanket of darkness has covered us and we try to pretend that it is not there and I try, but it is difficult for me all this, for Moy too, people who do not know us choose to judge us by the bad words of people who were once our friends, people that we trusted and love it, and now decided to do this for a kind of justice

no doubt this reminds me of the followers of the black bible ...

Again, I understand that they do not agree with the whole thing, but just as we are not sharing more nsfw drawings between us, Funnylunetta had to close her server, distrusting his own shadow and writing only occasionally in the private messages of discord, the change really hurt me, but maybe it's better that way but it does not mean that we all stop being friends, Maybe puppo wanted to hurt us, or make us separate in some way, but I'm sorry to say that it will not be like that, Moy, Funnylunetta and I, together with all our friends, will remain united, because in spite of all we love each other very much, and I'm very, very happy to have got friends like that

I do not expect that with this they think the same as me, it is good to think that a child should not consume this, it is okay, but do not think that it is something totally insane, that is morbid or something like that, you adults, you were adolescents, you came to Do worse things than Funnylunetta at his age, and do not tell me no, we were all crazy teenagers who went to the limit, and sometimes crazy experiences give us wisdom, and not only do I say it for nsfw, of course not, but if They do not want young people to be badly influenced by this, so teach them about sexuality, support the sexual education movements in school, so they can talk to them about how to take care of themselves, how to be mature before a sexual experience, and more important, how to know when someone really manipulates them to sexually abuse them

neither Moy, nor I are doing anything bad, the only thing we want is to have fun with our friends, enjoy being in a fandom and share our drawings, and not necessarily nsfw, because the nsfw is only 4% of our time between jokes , ideas, creations and drawings, we do not want anything from Funnylunetta other than her friendship, she is not being manipulated in any way to do anything wrong why something I can tell you, Funnylunetta is an extraordinary girl, and not because her art is good or her characters beautiful, of course not, she is a very nice girl, who cares for others, who is always willing to give you her shoulder, she is ambitious and very sweet, and she is extremely mature, I would have liked to have her mental maturity at her age, to make the decisions that she takes now, when I was 15-16 years old, I made many mistakes, I had many bad friends , I did many silly things, she is not like that, she even advised us to do in this situation, and her words and advice have calmed me down a lot Also, I know that many people have attacked Moy, not because of this issue, I know that this is just an excuse because many are resentful, believe that Moy is pretentious, that he is selfish and that he harasses beginner artists

Well, people have been able to say bad things about her, I know Moy a little over a year ago, I hurt her once, and I've always repented of that, she apologizes and she knew how to forgive me, and it's something that I treasure. Moy is not perfect, but since I've known her I've never seen her attacking anyone who has not harmed her first, I've never seen her harassing beginner artists, nor have I seen her wanting to destroy someone (even with this situation, only she's scared) it's true that many of her fans are upset that she rejected her ocs for the spider groups and those things, well, I think you should know how to put on her shoes Moy is Korean, as you all know, the Asian countries are highly strict, and if you do not do something right, they do not accept it and they tell you coldly, she is used to it, she does not tell you that you do the wrong things to treat her badly , if she tells you that you have done something wrong, it is because she tries to guide you on how to do it well, some people should know how to take a rejection besides, also Moy is in his right to allow certain people in his life, do you get upset because she did not let you be her friend? Well, you have no right to get angry, it's your decision, it's your life, not yours

Another thing that I want to emphasize, is that Puppo has also been saying that I told her to kill herself and go to hell Well, I will not lie that when people make me angry, I say things that I later regret, but no, I did not say that to her, and here I have the proof

I'm not proud of this, this post is aimed at anons who started attacking me

She was talking about this post, it's not a post I did to her, where I mentioned her that I hated her, and that's all, back then it was between August and September, months after a best friend I had, did something horrible to me, something I do not want to explain for being very personal and is not anyone you know, but the post above was not for her, and I understand that she was confused, but I would not tell her that, because after all, she was my friend

Yes, for those who have been following me for a long time, they know that Puppo and I were good friends at the beginning of 2018, I had a lot of appreciation, and even support her after something bad happened to her, but in July of that same year, she block after knowing that I liked the cupcest, yes, i ship cupcest, is not something that I presume, it's just something I like, I do not seek to normalize incest, nor less I would like that pair to be a canon, it's something I do for fun, and everyone is in his right not to like it, because it's okay, we do not all like the same things, but just block me after several months being friends, well, it's not something I'm happy

In short, I regret that the post is so looong, I wanted to vent a little, I carry this in my chest for days, I have not been well, maybe puppo thinks that saved many people from another pedophile of the world, but, I am not a pedophile , and I have spent very horrible days, I almost do not sleep, I wake up afraid to read some new accusation inveterate, I have almost not eaten well, even a friend blocked me without giving explanations, and a madman who did not even know who he was began to talk about what disappointed that my family would be Well, it is not, my mother is worried, and angry with Puppo's actions, my close friends know it, and they are worried about my situation.

Finally, I do not want you to go and attack puppo when you realize that she did something wrong, do not do it, please, if she tried to do something good, she did it wrong, everyone make mistakes, and it hurts people who do not deserve it, The only thing I want with this is to not talk about it anymore, to stop believing cheese and a bad person, if you do not like what I do, well, do not follow me, but I'm not doing anything bad, or hurting anyone

if even after reading this you hate me, then maybe the problem is you, because you do not know me, you do not know how I am, you do not know how to act, and you prefer to trust a post with words taken out of context to judge me, and that well, it's wrong

#shit its really long #read with patient please #ale talks #last time i talk about this topic

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mlpdestinyverse · 6 years ago

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Destinyverse Q&A

I asked my watchers on Deviantart to send me questions, related to me or Destinyverse, for me to compile and answer for a Q&A! Below the cut is the full Q&A and I hope it’ll be informative about me, my characters, or the Destinyverse universe! c:

Mysticalite:

1. Do any of your characters have any disabilities (I haven’t read all the bios so I might have missed something) if so, who and what do they have?

When it comes to physical, no! Though Destinyverse!Daring Do does have a permanent wing injury that gets in the way of taking off and flying normally (her wing can lock up and impair movement in the air). When it comes to mental (which I think mental illnesses count?); There's Eventide Twister with her general and social anxiety, and Skychaser has his bouts of depression. Then there's one other character who has dealt with clinical depression, and may still have its effects, but well...this isn't the right time to out them. ______________________________________________

2. Does the pony world in your universe have more relation with the human world? Like do more humans come over to the pony world and vice versa? With all video game stuff that involve Nova Spark, it made me wonder, do the humans share their technology with the ponies?

(Note that my answer is based off of Destinyverse headcanons!) There have been fun, silly stories passed around Canterlot City about magic and monsters and highschool students transforming into magical girl human-pony hybrids. But nowadays, people have waved off such stories as one huge school-wide prank or just exaggerated rumors to give Canterlot High and the city an interesting reputation. After graduating Canterlot High, and after magic disappeared (for the most part) from the human world, both Sunset Shimmer and Princess Twilight Sparkle agreed it'd be best to keep the existence of the magic portal on the down low. Not that normal humans who have never come in contact with equestrian magic or have never been pulled in at least once can cross it, but...better safe than sorry. A lot of back and forth communication and monitoring of the area around the portal is needed for Sunset or Astral to pass through unseen. Only those with Princess Twilight's permission are permitted to use the portal to cross back and forth.

As for technology! With all Sunset Shimmer has seen and gathered from the human world, the mare has used that knowledge over the years as inspiration to help advance Equestrian technology! Twilight puts her at the head of planning such projects, though they naturally need blueprints and research notes to be approved by Princess Celestia herself before they can start a project and have it produced for Equestria! ___________________________________________________

Craneswoop

3. What kind of technology is available to the ponies from the human world?

Similar to question 2, all advancements to technology in Equestria are human-inspired, but Equestrian-made! And I think it's safe to say magic has been added to the equation to create a unique magi-technology only Equestria would possess (think of how the helicopter blades on Tank's flight gear are run via an enchantment!)

One of the first things Sunset helped introduce were computers and monitors. Naturally an evolution in the gaming industry followed with the creation of consoles and computer games. We also have the creation of CDs and the development of portable music players, which improved the music industry.

There are some ideas still in the works for the topic of technology. For one, what about a development in animation and even TV shows? For some reason I feel like live TV wouldn't be a thing in present-day Equestria (whether because it's still being worked on or...Sunset wants to settle on live radio news broadcasts). Secondly, it'd be nice for there to be a communication device similar to a telephone, but not the complex cellphones/smartphones that humans have. That's an idea being smoothed out!

But one thing's for certain. The human's expansive "world wide web" does not exist in Equestria. Sure, computers - including desktop computers - exist. They're helpful with creating and storing documents and files, digital art, reading discs for computer games, etc. Buuut...Sunset has a new mantra, thanks to her past regrets. ”Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should”

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4. I'm sorry if this came up before, but if Dream's parents were both Earth ponies, where did her unicorn traits come from?

It hasn't! I believe one of Dreamaria's grandparents on her father's side is a unicorn! I have a feeling her father grew apart from his own parents for one reason or another, hence why the thought of going to them for unicorn-advice wasn't an option he considered. Dream has no connections to them.

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Jackii-in-the-Box

5. Your characters are beautifully made, but I wonder: Are your characters’ personality and background based on your life, people around you, or both? Or is it just to discover topics through fictional characters?

Thank you so much! And ah geez, this is going to be a long one, I apologize ahead of time. <xD There are a good chunk of characters in Destinyverse that I've handed aspects of my own experiences to. These characters would be Eventide Twister, Monochrome, Dreamaria Flow, Skychaser, and Summer Rush.

Dream, Sky, and Summer have the most subtle connections, don't worry! It ties into the aggressive behavior they've faced in their lives, but to keep it from getting too personal, I'll end that thought there. <:3

Monochrome only has one aspect in particular that I gave them because it's something I struggle with and needed to give form. The chapter "Gallery of Infamy" alone embodies it: a desire to share the things that are important to you with others, especially those that matter most. But when you can't, you're often left with a sense of loneliness. Being able to explore that feeling through Monochrome was pretty freeing. ;w;/

Then there's Eventide Twister, who in all honesty embodies the most aspects in her own way. Specifically, her struggle with anxiety and her plotline with Heather. That's something I don't mind sharing: My ex-friend wasn't Heather. In fact, I've shaped Heather in a way that's made her completely different from the friend I knew. But she was my best friend for many years, whose toxic behavior shaped my anxiety into what it still is today. The chapter "Honesty", while the event that forever damaged me and my friendship didn't play out quite like that, holds heavy references to that event and embodies the emotions I was left with that day. Emotions I had to struggle with for years. But I've gotten better with my anxiety and can function better than I could years ago. I continue to handle my anxiety the best that I can! And everything I've ever learned from my experience, I'm handing over to Eventide. Because even when you're left damaged, without a single bit of closure in sight, you can still heal. You can still overcome your hurdles and build yourself up again. That's what Eventide's character arc is about. And I look forward to sharing what I have planned for her. <X3

There's something almost therapeutic about expressing these internalized experiences and feelings through a medium like this. It gives those things form and provides a way of reaching out and communicating them to others! It's incredible how much reception Eventide's arc received, and seeing others be able to connect and relate to her and share their own personal stories is something I find so, so meaningful. I can only ever hope that being able to see these characters have similar experiences or struggles helps people feel heard or a little less alone...! _______________________________________________________

KannaYui

6. What ships in your NG are endgame? Like, which ones are gonna be official? Like Skychaser and Evergreen

While I can't give a direct answer to that, this question allows me to provide a bit of insight, since I'm sure others have wondered this too!

The reason EverSky is so openly canon is because 1. Skychaser, before he was fully developed, was originally created specifically to be Evergreen's boyfriend. xDD Not that he wasn't going to have more to him, but! That's what motivated me to make him! Now he's developed a solid story role! And 2. I drew tons of EverSky before I even started working on Destinyverse, sO, it's out there in the open. xD

For the other endgame ships? I want to avoid outright confirming certain ships for reasons, and then there are others who I'm just not 100% certain with yet (like the idea of Summer Rush and Jonagold!). Just know that while certain things may be perceived as either romantic or platonic (platonic physical affection after all!!), I'm also...not the most subtle when it comes to hinting or enjoying my own ships. <xDD That's your clue! But I have at least established that ChromeTwister isn't endgame, and I confirmed that because hellevenIenjoyit but I don't want people getting upset thinking that's being set up when it's actually not and Monochrome's crush is a thing of the past. ;w; Feel free to ship what you want though!! As long as it's harmless and everyone's respectful of one another's ships (as well as the canon ships), it's all good. <xD _______________________________________________________

Anthony158

7. When we will see Evergreen past arc?

AH, surprised someone's asking for Evergreen! He indeed has his own past arc, and well...I want to say he'll most likely be the last character to get his revealed, BUT it also completely depends on which arcs I feel like working on as time passes. <xD I already feel like I'm jumping around and unable to settle on one character. But admittedly some things still need to be sorted out for Ever's, so! We'll see! _______________________________________________________

Lack-Rat

8. I've got a question/story idea for you. Are enchanted comics that pull you into the story an established form of entertainment in your world or was that one spike got one of a kind?

I had to look back at the episode in question, but it turns out Spike got that comic from a shop called "The House of Enchanted Comics", so apparently there are multiple! I'm sure that it's somepony's unique talent, since I imagine that kind of spell would be a rather complex one for just any unicorn to perform (and it's a rather specific creative approach)! And because it's unique, I don't think it's a form of entertainment everywhere! Since Spike's comic disappeared at the very end of the episode, I almost think these enchanted comics only have a single copy that can be borrowed before they teleport back to its creator! So there's just one very specific shop in Canterlot that provides such magical comics. c: Hope that creator has their form of comic-enchantment trademarked. u m u

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9. On a related note, do you think Nova would ever invent a game console that magically sucks it's players in, either intentionally or accidentally? Given that he's Twilight's son I wouldn't be surprised if he could.

HAH, the thought never occurred to me, but hey! He probably could. uwu As a whole new generation of gaming~ Though it'd have to be intentional and consensual. xD And it'd be way down the line! His present goal is to just create immersive story-driven games. _______________________________________________________

MadnessOfTheMind

10. This may be considered a spoiler but I still gotta ask- Are Pinkie and Sugarsocks gonna have any kids in ur storyline or are they just a little side idea?

For some reason my mind tells me that those two don't feel a need to have any kiddos! >:0 They're just livin the best life with their business and parties~ Caramello from the Cake family is kind of the closest thing they have to a kiddo they can love and spoil. uwu

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11. Also are we gonna get more Everchaser/Skygreen (Evergreen and Skychaser) panic gay horse content in the future or no? Cuz lemme tell ya I do love my chaotic gay flirt horses lol

YOU HECKIN BET YOU WILL, THERE'S S O MUCH I STILL GOTTA DRAW xD I haven't even introduced their future daughter yet. I'll end up drawing stuff about her eventually. ;w; And I personally call their ship EverSky! Makes me think of a beautiful endless expanse of sky.

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12. Also, what was the first nextgen you came up with an idea for, or what triggered you to start developing a nextgen story on Deviantart? I'm curious owo

I was inspired by Lopoddity's next gen artwork!! I was particularly enamored by her royal next gens and basically went "I...want to design...a kiddo for Luna", AND BOOM, WE GOT PRINCE AMADEUS, my first next gen! Princess Lumina followed after. c: From there I already had Dream Flow and Eventide Twister as characters (Eve was an undeveloped OC at the time), my friend had her character Star Chime, and the existence of my royal next gens started forming a story! A cover (now taken down unfortunately) of the song "Ballad of the Crystal Empire" kick-started ideas for an arc of the present-day story. And as more characters joined the cast, my brain exploded with ideas from there. <xD The realization that I could present this story via illustrated stories and art dumps was the final push I needed to start working on it!

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13. I know abt PTX, but are any other characters inspired by celebs or media figures you like?

Nope! In reality I don't actually keep up with a lot of celebs and media figures. <xD Aside from youtubers maybe, but still.

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14. What do you, Mia, personally like music-wise? What are a few of your favorite bands?

I always have a hard time naming genres because I kind of just like whatever songs sound good to me. <xDD But I think a common pattern is that I really enjoy emotionally-charged songs. Probably why I tend to enjoy songs from musicals (Dear Evan Hansen is perfection, fight me)! I also like things with a good beat, piano, strings, and a combination of all those things is mMMMMgoodshit.

For some bands! And singers! I enjoy Halsey, Panic! At The Disco, PVRIS, Rachel Platten, Paramore, and Marianas Trench!

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UsaHunnyBunny

15. Were you nervous about sharing you Pony next gen stuff?

Nah! I was already posting art and stories for other fandoms in the past, so posting for a new fandom wasn't bad! But most of all, I had a powerful desire to get out of my own way and get my stories out there. I have a hard time communicating my thoughts and ideas with people - or finding a place where I can do that - and it was wearing me down, internalizing my own ideas and passions. SO, sharing my stories became my way of communicating these thoughts and feelings and connecting with others!

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16. Out of all your ships, which is your favorite? Parents of next gen/next gen or otherwise!

For canon characters; TwiTempest is my absolute jam. They're so freaking cute; perfectionistic and panicky princess and her cool-headed and secretly soft guard captain. HM. Runner up would be DaringDash. I never actually shipped them until after I paired them together to create Monochrome. Only then did I realize how cute of a couple they could make. Stubborn, blushy fools.

For my next gens: EverSky was my everything for the longest time, but then came another ship. I won't name the ship, partially because of my whole "no confirming" thing, but also because it's a ship that I don't think anyone will be able to fully appreciate or understand until you see it unfold for yourselves. ;w; It'll become obvious with time~

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17. What advice you'd give someone who wants to share their own fun pony stories/ideas themselves?

WELL! SCREW CRINGE CULTURE FOR ONE. As long as you're not copying or using harmful ideas, HAVE FUN AND BE INSPIRED!! Your ideas deserve to be out there! Not receiving much attention at first can admittedly be disheartening, but please don't give up! Keep believing in your passion, keep expressing it and having fun, and people in time will be able to see and appreciate those things! Also remember that it's okay to retcon if you end up finding ideas that work better. c: And one of the best things is that there's no pressure in posting stories 100% in order. You could jump around from character to character, from present day to the past to an event in the future, etc. In the end, just make sure you're having fun. ;w;/

Also, always have something with you to record new ideas! Your phone, a google doc, a notepad, whatever you need to jot ideas down new ideas as they come! From experience, you might think "oh this is an interesting idea, I can remember it for later". NO. DON'T TRUST THAT MY DUDE. YOU WILL LIKELY FORGET AND THEN HAVE REGRETS AS YOU TRY TO CALL FORTH THAT ONE SCENE CONCEPT OR THAT PERFECT LINE OF DIALOGUE but can't. So just be safe and jot down every idea you like, even if you end up tossing it out in the end. ;w;

ANYWAY! It all starts with you, so please, make that move and share your work~ Who knows who you'll end up reaching with your stories!

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18. Are you aware of how wonderfully talented and adorable you are?

*SQUINTS* I'm only including this cause you legit submitted it, but how dare Myansweristhanksbuthush _______________________________________________________

PurplePenumbra

19. Regarding Dream, has she ever met any other unicorn with the same kind of magic as her? Would she like to? And if so, would she be happy to meet them?

She hasn't! Then again, other than the few times Uncle Serein would take her out of town for an outing or for visits to her grandparents, Dream didn't get out of her town much. Not until she moved to Ponyville! Whether she'd like to meet a similar unicorn is a little MMM complicated. I think meeting another pony with her abilities would at least be a good opportunity to see if she understands the full extent and workings of her magic. >:0 _______________________________________________________

ANONS! 20. Since the last ask reminded me of your mystery dungeon kids: if Eventide, Skychaser, and Dream were a mystery dungeon team, which Pokemon would each of them be and what kind of roles would they take? (tank, ranged, etc)

Dream Flow would be a shiny Ralts (emotion-abilities and psychic-type after all!) She'd be a ranged battler and healer!

Skychaser would be a Dartrix (no reason other than flying type + the hairstyle, and the hood for Decidueye. Besides, grass type boi would work well with grass type - possibly Roserade - Evergreen Glade~) And Sky would be a mixed fighter! Also have...have you guys looked up birds in hoodies. Please do.

Evie would be an Eevee~ Not only cause name play, but! Eventide's a char of possibilities. Darling's gotta find herself. ;w; While a reluctant fighter, if it means aiding her friends, Eve will do her best to fulfil her role as a close-ranged fighter (with Skychaser staying close to help out when needed). She'd also carry a wing-shaped backpack for the team's items! Evolution-wise? Even with no flying type Eeveelution, I think the most perfect evolution for her would have to be Sylveon~ You can piece together why. <X3 _______________________________________________________

21. Which characters were fun to develop and had the toughest backstory to plan?

Fun to develop? Oh Nova Spark all the way. A character who was originally created for fun and to serve the role of Prince Amadeus's best friend has developed into such a major character and I love him. It's probably why he has the longest past arc out of anyone, and also why I'm really excited to work on it BUT WELL I'm worried about leaving everyone else on the backburner. <xD

Hardest backstory to plan? Dream Flow. I've been developing her for over four years now and I'm still trying to sort her out. Heck I was figuring certain things out for her AS I was writing "Impasse". BUT HEY, I think I've settled on a good amount of Dream's story now! I'm sure I'll be editing some things as I go, but I've got a basic idea for what I want! _______________________________________________________

22. You've shown off kids for a lot of the MLP main cast, and they're all great! But one I've never seen mentioned and it has me curious. Does Starlight Glimmer have any kids? Will they be showing up even as a cameo/background pony?

Thanks! So this answer applies to all next gens, but for me to make a next gen, I need either 1. A ship I'm genuinely interested in! or 2. A character concept I want to design, thus I'll figure out parents that could fit the concept best. Examples would be Nova Spark (TwiTempest) and Beat Mania (VinylOctavia) for #1, and Monochrome and Skychaser for #2.

While a Starlight kid sounds nice, I just don't have a Starlight ship that's won me over. <xD Nor do I have any interesting char concepts I could use for a Starlight kid idea; BUT, the thing about that is that I'm not actively trying to create new character concepts. You see, I seem to have a hard time creating background next gen ponies because my mind likes to go off with ideas for almost every character I create. And with the amount of characters I already have, I really don't think I can balance any more characters in the cast without feeling a need to have them play a role in a main plot or another character's plot. And things are complicated as they are. <xDD SO you won't be seeing any new next gen designs unless I find a new MLP ship I REALLY like, or I think up an idea I really want to pursue! ;w;/ _______________________________________________________

23. Do any of the Destinyverse characters have friends that aren't ponies? Some of them did go to the school of friendship after all. Will we ever see them or have them mentioned?

Yep~! But see, those who have attended Friendship Elementary/the School of Friendship (Nova Spark, Eventide Twister, Astral Dusk and Monochrome) ironically are also the characters who have problems with friendship. <xD So none of them have non-pony friends presently.

As for those who do! Evergreen Glade actually has a Kirin friend who is very important to him. You'll meet him in Evergreen's past arc!

Summer Rush is very personable and probably has made friends with both ponies and non-ponies. ;w; None of them have been planned past being minor background characters, though. Maybe they'll have brief mentions! We'll see!

Princess Lumina has made friends with tons of royals/chiefs from other species! Comes with visiting or receiving visits from representatives/leaders/heirs of the other kingdoms within or outside of Equestria!

And finally Terra Rosa....may or may not have a friend who's not 100% human. Without realizing it. _______________________________________________________

24. They all seem to be around the same age, but who's the oldest/youngest of the Destinyverse crew?/How old is everyone supposed to be in Destinyverse?

Keep in mind these are approximate ages, from oldest to youngest! Princess Lumina is the oldest at 27. Then comes (big bro) Skychaser at 26. Summer Rush, Astral Dusk, and Prince Amadeus are around 23. Monochrome (and maybe Evergreen Glade) is 22. Eventide Twister, Nova Spark, and Dream Flow are around 20. And finally, Venture Gale is the youngest at about 14! _______________________________________________________

25. Will we ever be seeing more of Lumina or Amadeus? Will they have a part in this story?

Certainly! The only reason we haven't seen much of them is because we haven't explored the right characters that are connected to them! c: Which would be Prince Nova Spark and Star Chime (again, a friend's character!)! _______________________________________________________

26. Does Venture Gale read his mom's books? How does he react to them if so? Excited, embarrassed, or something else?

Absolutely~! He's a HUGE fan of his own mom's books! He gets so engrossed reading them, getting to re-experience his adventures in such an awesome light. It's exciting seeing himself as a character! Though he does get embarrassed when his mom adds extra narrative commentary, such as writing that Valor Wind is a fast-thinker, intelligent mind, a brave and honest soul, etc. His embarrassment is also fed by people who are die-hard fans of his character (Not that anyone knows he's Valor Wind or that the stories are real. But anyway, he's also incredibly flattered~)). Surprisingly, unlike Rainbow Dash who gets a HUGE ego boost out of their fans, Ven is a rather humble kiddo. But that's to be expected from the boy who becomes a red-faced bean over the slightest compliment. _______________________________________________________

27. Without spoilers, which Destinyverse character would you say has the biggest regrets about their past? Either in a single event or a long time thing?

Astral Dusk. It never occured to me until I read this question, but regret is a leading theme in present-day Astral's character conflict. _______________________________________________________

28. Who is your least to most fav character to draw in Destinyverse? Why?

Favorite character to draw? Nova Spark I think! I love coloring his gradient hair. Much simpler than hair streaks, and it's very pretty <xDD From there, everyone else so far has been on pretty neutral ground.

Now when I say "least favorite", in this case I mean the char that gives me the hardest time. And that'd be Skychaser, only because of his dang hair. <xD Getting the right curls and shape is WEIRDLY hard, but hey that's the price to pay for luscious hair. _______________________________________________________

29. What's Nova and Monochrome's relationship like?

Hehe~ It's a healthy one, built on trust and a sense of understanding they don't really share with anyone else in their lives. They often find themselves on the same wavelength and constantly have one another's back. If I can choose one word that embodies their relationship, I would choose...loyalty.

#mia post #destinyverse

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stephtastrophe · 6 years ago

Photo

I watched Speed and Speed 2: Cruise Control the other week and they were both really awesome!

The first one with Keanu Reeves trying to keep the bus going at the same speed, well really Sandra Bullock did it while he did other stuff ... he never drove the bus like I expected or not for long if he did. He found the bomb and did other stuff and then tried to stop that train at the end but ended up going off the rails to save them and also the elevator scene at the start. I actually think the elevator scene at the start was the most exciting part, the bus and train was exciting too but I dunno the elevator bit was quite good too.

Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock were both really awesome in it and had so much chemistry!~ not surprising since we found out on both their recent appearances on Ellen that they did both have a crush on each other but didn’t do anything about it which is cute and sad but we’ve all been there. Awww, imagine if they’d gotten together and were still together, that’d be cute. But at least their still friends, as he said they might not have kept that friendship if they’d gotten together and if they’d broken up. They did get together at the end of the movie and made out which was hot but it didn’t last in the movie franchise as he didn’t appear in the second for whatever reason.

I wasn’t sure about watching the second one but wanted to because I do quite like Jason Patric and I actually think I enjoyed it maybe slightly more than the original. This time Sandra Bullock was with Jason and their characters were together from the start and she explained she broke up with Keanu because as she said in the first movie repeatedly, relationships born in extreme situations don’t last and it was true.

I thought the plot and action was kind of more exciting than the first movie tbh with you. I didn’t expect to but I did I think enjoy it more.

Plus Willem Dafoe made for an awesome dying villain who was trying to get back at the company that fired him after he got ill because of the work he did for them. BTW, I Googled it and you can not get what he had from computers if you were wondering and what he used would not cure it which I didn’t think so but I was curious and it got the better of me and literally the number one site that came up said “a lot of people have been asking if you can actually get sick like he did in Speed 2 and the answer is no” and it explained it lol. Now I can’t find the site again and I can’t remember what I Googled but I tried a few things. Oh, found it here when I looked at my internet history. Willem Dafoe was crazy insane and birthed an internet meme from his crazy eyes in the scene where she tried to reel back Jason Patric. He’s just such a good actor. I’d say much better at acting than Dennis Hopper who is more B List whereas Willem is A List. I’ve just never been impressed by Dennis Hopper much (didn’t think much of him in Easy Rider when I saw that either in film class), he doesn’t have much range I don’t think which Willem has in spades. I think they should have cast a better actor as the villain in the first movie tbh and I would’ve liked it more I think. Dennis was okay but nothing more, Willem brought it. He was the better villain by far.

I just thought there seemed more action in the second one if you ask me. It was really big set pieces, the first had them too but it seemed like this had more I think. It was more explosive. The end where the boat went through the town was insane and so awesome! It was more fun.

Jason Patric also got topless a few times so we got some fanservice which we never got from Keanu Reeves. I love Keanu Reeves but don’t think he was topless in it. Jason Patric is also gorgeous like Keanu and got topless.

Apparently, Reeves only turned it down because he read the script and thought a ship was slower than a bus lol. Well yeah but it was still an exciting movie and better if you ask me tbh. It seems he thinks Fox blacklisted him for 14 years after because he turned it down. That doesn’t surprise me that they’d be salty after thinking they made him in to an action star. That also says he did Hamlet instead. Gotta be careful in Hollywoodland, you don’t know who you’ll piss of. Not saying they should do things they don’t want to but it was a bit of a silly reason to pull out just thinking it was a slower form of transport still. But whatever floats your boat ... or not lol.

I’d definitely say watch both and see what you think and see if you enjoy the second too as much as I did. Just forget the first had Keanu and roll with the punches and use it as a form of escapism and it’s a good movie in it’s own right just like the first one was. The only connection really is Sandra Bullock and transport. There are some others on IMDb who believe the same as me and the second was better so it’s not just me that thought it had more action and better and bigger set pieces. I also maybe think in this case Jason Patric was better in the leading role of man of action than Keanu tbh.

The second one was also funnier and Sandra and Jason also had good chemistry and were funnier together although she was funny at times with Keanu. It was funny seeing her taking her driving test at the start and end of the movie again too, I like when they mirror what happened at the start. Plus, it was just funny. As someone who just booked my practical for the end of August after passing my theory last week I hope I don’t do as bad as her lol. I don’t think I will. She makes me laugh driving. I’m surprised she passed it the first time, but a lot of times she distracted from talking.

Keanu Reeves and Jason Patric <3

#speed #keanu reeves #sandra bullock #speed 2 #speed 2: cruise control #jason patric #willem dafoe

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doux-amer · 6 years ago

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I FINALLY SAW CAPTAIN MARVEL AND I GOT EMOTIONAL WATCHING IT. Okay, calming down now. As a lot of you know, my expectations were low as the marketing was lackluster, I was nervous about certain choices that were made, etc., and even though I avoided any CM chatter, I heard murmurs of mixed reactions...so my expectations were pretty much on the floor when I went to see it. I just hoped it would be fun even if it was okay, but uh...I REALLY ENJOYED IT. It’s not perfect and when I was talking to Alanna, she said people said it reminded them of CA:TFA (it really does in certain ways and I get why they said it, but TFA, for all its cheese and its weaknesses, is one of my favorite MCU movies lol). BUT! I! LOVED! IT! I don’t care about the unevenness because all that fell to the wayside by the sheer, all-encompassing joy I felt watching it.

This is how I wanted to feel watching Wonder Woman because I adored Diana as a little girl and it didn’t happen although I kept quiet about my disappointment because I wanted people to go support it anyway as it was super important that it did well. THIS THOUGH. I wanted to punch my fist in the air so many times and laugh and hug and hang out with Carol. I JUST. GOD.

I’ve experienced unfettered happiness and fun before with Marvel—that’s how I felt with The Avengers and with Spider-man: Homecoming. But this? This was the first time I was a fan of someone from the comics before seeing a movie and seeing it come to life the way I so hoped she would. It was extremely special because of that particular element and I got emotional because of it which I didn’t expect. I really felt disconnected to Carol from what I saw in the trailers and was afraid the movie wouldn’t resonate because it would be very white feminist-y. It wasn’t. And that hero on the screen? THAT WAS MY GIRL CAROL. I’m kind of getting slightly misty-eyed writing this. But GOD, I waited years for this and it’s just overwhelming wth!

I’m going to do my usual bullet points. If you want to avoid spoilers, scroll past this long post:

I was turned off by the silliness of the trailers and Carol’s more serious moments came off as unconvincing in them, so I expected not to connect with her. I WAS WRONG. I GOT MY GIRL. I’M WEEPING! She’s emotional! She’s feisty and bullheaded. She can be serious and fueled by anger. She can be fun even when she’s a fierce warrior, but not to the point that it’s distracting! Her humor is very much her own and very much Carol. It’s not witty. It’s goofy. She clearly finds herself hilarious which I LOVED. SHE’S SO DORKY, SMILING AT HER OWN JOKES.

The movie stayed away from what could have been a cringeworthy white savior undercurrent by making Carol culpable in the suffering of the oppressed. I know the Skrulls are aliens and look like them unlike the other aliens we’ve seen who you can’t exactly forget are played by POC characters, but lbr that narrative is about refugees and...look at current events lmao. As a Kree warrior, even if she unknowingly participated in the Kree-Skrull war ignorant of the truth, she hurt a lot of innocent people. And that’s great! It’s not that she was this pure person swooping in to save the weak or whatever. This is something she had to grapple with once her memories came back and her eyes were opened and she knew she had to make amends.

It reminded me strongly of Tony in IM1 with Obie dealing under the table to terrorists and becoming a part of a corrupt machine without meaning to. It didn’t matter that that was the case; he still felt responsible and accountability became a huge part of his story.

This origin story reminded me of Cap’s, not because of the whole military aspect to it lol but because of how she’s “just human.” Carol never gives up and Steve doesn’t either. They get knocked down? They’ll shake it off and stand back up. I might’ve gotten a little emotional here too which I didn’t expect. Plus she wanted to prove to herself that she could do whatever the hell she set her heart on. The other parallel was the whole fighting for the government/military who end up not being so great and going rogue thing.

It made me sad because we won’t get the Steve-Tony-Carol friendship we so deserve, but lol while the credits were rolling, my sister was like “Yeah, Tony’s going to die” because she’s the obvious successor. Originally she said it was because of his powers when I asked why and then she agreed when I pointed out that it’s not just because of his powers, but in terms of personality and a whole slew of things that reminded me of him AND Steve (it’s like Peter in CA:CW and SM:H). She feels like the linchpin holding the MCU together like them too.

Like the fact that Carol was the reason for the Avengers’ existence! That was obvious, but that scene where Fury’s typing on the computer and he looks at that photo of her before changing the name of the initiative? HM....I WAS VERKLEMPT.

Also, I loved how they made her get her powers. It wasn’t an accident. No one sacrificed their life for her. She got her powers because of her own actions. She got her powers because she was being a HERO. SHE IS WHO SHE IS BECAUSE OF HERSELF. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!

Speaking of that, I was surprised by the Mar-Vell plot twist because we all thought that would be Jude Law and I expected Annette Bening to be someone else (who she sort of ended up being anyway) lol. I didn’t mind that they did that. Love that she was Carol’s mentor.

I loved the female relationships. CAROL AND MARIA’S SCENES. MARIA BELIEVING IN HER. MARIA TALKING ABOUT HOW HARD IT WAS FOR HER AS A SINGLE MOM AND A WOMAN IN THE AIR FORCE, BUT CAROL DIDN’T CARE ABOUT THAT. THE PHOTOGRAPHS OF THEIR LIFE TOGETHER...BINCH...I MAY HAVE BLINKED OUT A TEAR!!!!! Carol being cute with Monica! Monica urging her mom to be a hero while Maria wanted to watch out for her because she has Monica to think of now, not just herself. Monica being responsible for Carol’s Captain Marvel getup! Carol and Maria getting involved with Lawson because she was their ticket to proving themselves and moving up!

And yet the movie didn’t get too hammy and heavy-handed with feminism (I hate it when some people write stuff that way because I find it extremely sloppy and ineffective)! We didn’t have to have a female villain just because we had a female lead superhero. We didn’t have to have moments where Carol says preachy lines. That moment where she just raised her eyebrow at the motorcycle dude? Fantastic. She didn’t have to deal with that scumbag. That moment where Yon-Rogg tried to pull a typical Man Move TM by trying to make her prove herself to him (and trying to take ownership of her development and strength)? She didn’t have to be all cocky and say some quip or cheesy af line. She wasn’t even that angry because he’s not worth it. He’s an ant beneath her foot. He’s irrelevant. She just says it straight up that she doesn’t have to prove anything to him, and that was what made that so powerful for me. It resonated because she said it like it was the truth, plain and simple, and it WAS.

No romance shoved in not because Carol didn’t need no man as a Strong Woman but because there are more important things at stake and honestly, the romance was with her wife Maria her relationships with other humans and the Skrulls were the emotional crux. They’re an important part of who she is and of rediscovering her identity. God...like her relationship with Fury? So well done. It was the buddy cop movie that I so wanted. I loved their jokes and their mutual respect for each other. I love how they became so important to each other and we saw Fury deeply care about someone and showing that. One of my favorite scenes is the one where they’re washing dishes together.

They also didn’t shove Coulson in too much which I was afraid of. We got to see where Fury started off, a greener one but one who was as compelling because he was so human. We got to see Fury deeply caring about someone and so openly (this is the guy who said, “I'm just an old man who cares very much about you“ to Tony in AoU). It was nice seeing how the whole belief in superheroes thing truly started with the both of them (Coulson had his whole Cap thing, but I feel like this was the moment where he imagined having a hero like that in his own time was possible).

Uh let’s see. I love Goose. I don’t particularly care for animals in movies even though I know people obsess about them, but they didn’t overdo Goose’s part.

All the little callbacks to the comics! KSD showing up!

The period part of the period piece wasn’t overdone which I appreciated. Carol typing made me laugh, the slow download and AOL shoutout made me laugh, and damn, the fashion and music? I was over the moon. You didn’t have to go over the top to make us immersed in the 90s. Also, my heart sang when we got Carol on a bike on the open road in a leather jacket. The bliss I felt is indescribable tbh.

Ooh the special effects were good for the most part! Loved seeing her fly and loved seeing her gut ships and destroy missiles. It felt real. Space didn’t feel cheesy af to me which was a problem I had with GotG 1.

Speaking of flying and punching things, it was so viscerally satisfying to see her do that. One of the things that really did it for me was how she enjoyed her powers. It was exhilarating seeing her fly for the first time (similar to seeing Tony taking out the suit for a test flight in IM1). Her little laugh/whoop of excitement? That’s what it would be like to discover you can fly! That grin when she breaks free of the Kree dampening her powers and she can feel her powers at full force running through her? That’s what it would be like to be at 100% and have all that. I wanted to jump out of my seat and feel what she felt. It made her powers not feel very OTT-overpowered? Carol has....too many powers and is super strong to the point that she’s overpowered, but uh...idk I didn’t have a problem with it here, mainly because of this.

The post-credits scenes were good too like....WOW, HUH. I watched this in Dolby (my first Dolby experience!) and I GOT EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY THIRSTY OVER STEVE IN A BEARD AND OUT OF HIS SUIT AND A TIGHT WHITE SHIRT!!! I DON’T KNOW HOW I KEPT IT TOGETHER BECAUSE I ALMOST DIDN’T WHICH WOULD’VE BEEN EMBARRASSING. BUT PHEW!!!!!! STEVE? WHAT A *****!!! Thought the scene was nice too even though I wish Carol got better hair. I assume she flew and that’s why she looks so bedraggled, but uhfhghdaoifhas I hated her hair in this and want Carol to get the nice hair she deserves (preferably a short butch cut...thanks. C’mon, Brie wants it too). OH, ALMOST COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION THAT IT BROKE MY HEART TO HEAR HER SAY, “YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHO I AM. I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM” AND TO NOT KNOW WHERE SHE BELONGS. SHE’S NOT KREE, BUT SHE’S NO LONGER FULLY HUMAN NOT ONLY BECAUSE OF HER POWERS BUT BECAUSE OF HER LIFE ON HALA AS WELL. I loved how we saw her journey to accepting that and who she is now and how that was all tied up nicely with her wearing her old leather jacket the Rambeaus kept for her and her new suit as she goes into space. What a great moment and a nice visual cue to a comics cover I really like of Carol wearing her jacket over her suit and staring up at the stars. I feel like trying to find her place and her identity are important to her so I loved that we got that here and we’ll hopefully see more of that.

There are a bunch of negatives here (a bunch of stuff about the Tesseract that go against canon, the Skrulls (makeup, personalities, nerfed powers and threat level imo, etc.), subpar writing and acting at moments, etc.), but I seriously don’t care at all because I enjoyed the ride. My happiness dwarfs every little thing I could have nitpicked. I don’t care!!! I had so much fun! I liked the movie a lot!

#captain marvel spoilers

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thesearchforspirk · 7 years ago

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1 x 1 : Where No Man Has Gone Before {Subtext Study}

As we’re going in production order (which seems to produce a more linear story) the story of Gary Mitchell and his tinfoil eyes is where we’ll begin this journey into Star Trek subtext. There’s quite a bit in this episode to wade through, particularly of the homoromantic quality, so let’s get started.

Tellingly, perhaps, our episode opens on our two main objects of study playing their beloved three-dimensional chess. As someone who has been in Spirk fandom for awhile now, I can attest that 3D chess is mentioned as an activity Kirk and Spock engage in together in their recreation hours in about 99.9% of fanfics (logically, the chances of them having recreation hours that overlap with one another is about slim to none, given their respective positions, but a little willing suspension of disbelief never hurt anyone). However, I think we only see them actually play it in-canon in about 2-3 episodes total, if that.

Still, there’s something significant about the choice of chess as a game for these two to engage in and this particular game’s history as a means of courtship and flirtation.

This is also our first indication that Spock adheres strongly to the fact that he’s Vulcan and “without” emotions and that Kirk delights in teasing him about the fact. “Certain you don’t know what irritation is?” Kirk asks, knowingly, with a shit-eating grin after he makes a move that Spock wasn’t anticipating (having already smugly announced he would have Kirk check-mated in his next move). The banter here relies heavily on the natural affection between the two of them, that which the script wants the audience to be aware of. Though Spock alleges to be immune to emotions he is clearly anything but, and yet, Kirk finds an affectionate delight in this fact. He’s allowed to rib Spock a little bit about this without threat of any real offense, indicating a very high level of trust between them.

Certainly this could be the banter of two who are just friends and have no unspoken attraction or romantic interest between them, but talk like this often manifests as flirtation as well. Kirk’s decidedly sultry smirks at Spock (the first of thousands that would proceed them in the next few decades of material) and his huskier tone of voice are interesting acting choices for Shatner to have made if he hadn’t intended to play Kirk as flirty in this scene.

As I will often disclaim, I’m not suggesting that the original intent was the same as the interpretation I’m asserting here. What I am saying is that the evidence for a layer of flirtation is there, be it intentional or not, and to not at least acknowledge it is to ignore the obvious.

Moving on!

Kirk has been attempting to stay alert for any news about a recently heard Earth distress signal (despite the -ahem- distractions). News of said distress signal finally comes in, interrupting this little verbal tango between our boys, and Kirk and Spock rush to the transporter room to find an old-style ship recorder. Spock asserts that due to the damage on the object it’s likely that something happened to the ship (in the vein of blowing up or whatever I guess). The recorder begins transmitting a signal as soon as Scotty starts feeding tapes into the computer and Kirk puts the ship on red alert.

Enter Gary Mitchell, barely missing the turbolift ride alongside our boys. It’s made obvious right away that Gary and Jim are close from the casual way they greet and chat about ship stuff even under red alert. Gary then turns his attentions to Spock and, weirdly, sort of sizes him up before asking in a more straightforward tone “So, you finished the game?”. Spock nods and moves forward to the doors preemptively while explaining, “[Kirk] played most illogically. His next move should’ve been the rook.” Behind Spock’s back, Kirk grins and makes a throat-cutting motion to Gary to subtly indicate Spock’s obvious loss.

When I first saw this episode, and each time I return to it after a prolonged absence, I always initially get a sort of antagonistic vibe between Spock and Gary. On my original watch I thought it was going to be some sort of bigotry thing on Gary’s behalf against Spock’s being a Vulcan (which does happen with a different character in a different episode) but that ends up not being the case here. We really have no reason to believe there’s anything antagonistic between them, at least nothing that’s addressed directly.

(note Kirk’s got another amused, if not sultry look for Spock here)

The likelihood is that Spock’s cold retreat to the turbolift doors is more attempt to escape mention of his chess defeat than anything else. Gary’s once over of him, however, and hard tone of voice might suggest something else. Could be an organic jealousy in the fact that they share a mutual, close friend and seem to be on equal levels of bonding with the same person, but don’t seem to have much in common with one another and occupy awkward spaces beside him, sort of privately elbowing one another for the same category in Jim Kirk’s life. But what is that category, exactly? Is it just one of platonic friendship or something else?

A common argument against Kirk/Spock is the assertion that Jim (specifically) is clearly a lover of women and has never taken a male lover in canon and so must be, therefore, purely heterosexual and uninterested in men. This is a bit of fallacy in an of itself because 1) of course we never saw Kirk take a male lover in any sort of obvious way, this was a show produced in the 60′s for godssake, 2) Kirk’s frequent and, presumably exclusive, taking of female lovers doesn’t necessarily exclude him from being able to find men attractive and enjoy romantic/physical relationships with them, 3) most of the time when Kirk would take a female lover it was to gain something for the purpose of a mission; only rarely was he actually indulging in sincere feeling or attraction.

All that said, there is an argument that Gary Mitchell might be the earliest precedent and indication that Kirk has taken at least one male lover before and, therefore, has a history of finding men physically and romantically attractive. Due to the attitudes of the time it’s purely speculation based on subtext and ambiguity, but one I’ll explore here as we learn more about Gary and Jim and their history together.

In any case, I will also add that sexuality is fluid and being attracted exclusively to one gender for most of one’s life doesn’t mean that one may never find themselves drawn to something different at some point. Even if Kirk had never taken a male lover, had never found men attractive in any way prior to Spock, it doesn’t mean that Spock couldn’t have been an exception. I would also assume at this point in earth’s social development that relationships of all kinds between consenting adults are accepted with much more open minds, that any bigotry that might keep someone from indulging in or owning up to a desire would no longer exist. Food for thought. Back to our regular programming.

The three men go to the bridge and take their respective places. Kirk orders neutral warp at the edge of the galaxy and puts out a ship-wide message that the disaster recorder came from the SS Valiant two hundred years ago, the hope being that more insight will eventually be granted to them as to what happened to said ship. Meanwhile, Spock continues to have no luck with the burnt out tapes.

The department heads arrive on the bridge as ordered and we meet Dr. Elizabeth Dehner, a psychiatrist that recently joined the crew. Sidenote: if the Enterprise was ever granted a psychiatrist to replace her after this episode (spoiler alert) they certainly aren’t part of the ‘department heads’ club as we never meet them- maybe due to the events of this episode, who knows, but I can at least hope the Enterprise continued to value the mental health of her crew members despite all that. I digress.

Spock announces that the recorder has finally begun to transmit something and Kirk steps up behind him at the science station because it’s absolutely 100% necessary to the mission. Completely. Because it’s not as if Kirk would probably have been able to hear him fine from his chair or anything.

(okay, this one is just me being a bit silly but STILL, really now, Jim)

Dr. Dehner expresses an interest in knowing how the crew of SS Valiant might have fared psychologically under the distress. Gary Mitchell expresses his respect of his female crewmen and women in senior positions of power by openly flirting with her in front of the crew and then, just as openly in front of the Captain, calling her a “walking freezer unit” when she doesn’t reciprocate. He even makes ‘ooo ice queen’ face at Kirk after she rebuffs him. Nowadays that would probably, hopefully, rightfully so be grounds for sexual harassment and something Kirk would’ve had a responsibility to shut down right then and there, but y’know. 60′s. Women in power are scary so we have to knock them down a peg.

Weird how Star Trek is meant to take place in a more open-minded, less bigoted, socially progressive time in our future, but is still sometimes a product of the generation it was produced in. I love it regardless, of course.

Anyway, Spock begins to relay the spotty transmitted information; apparently the Valiant encountered a magnetic storm and then, for reasons that are unclear, began frantically searching for information on ESP in humans. Kirk asks Dr. Dehner about this and she helpfully explains that some humans can indeed see future events, but that the ability is never very strong. Spock continues that one crewman seemed to have recovered and that was when the frantic search for ESP info began, followed by an apparent self-destruct order from the Captain. Unnerved by this, Kirk orders that they leave the galaxy at warp factor 1.

Unfortunately, a magnetic force field appears right about then and the two women on the bridge grab the hands of the men nearest to them because, obviously, right? 60′s. Gary and Dr. Dehner are struck by the magnetic surges while the rest of the bridges’ control panels get various levels of fucked up. Even still, the Enterprise makes it through the storm and Kirk orders Spock to collect damage reports (with a very necessary and much needed hand on his shoulder, naturally). He then checks on Dr. Dehner (who appears to be fine) and then Gary, whose head he lovingly cradles in his hands.

(This tender moment only goes on to show us that Gary has spooky tinfoil eyes now!!! Can’t even imagine how painful those archaic contacts must have been for the actor.)

Upon return from commercial break, Kirk informs the audience that the Enterprise’s main engines and warp drive have been fucked beyond use. He also has Spock checking out Gary and Dr. Dehner’s records for ESP ratings, only to see that they have some of the highest on the ship (these must be old records though because there’s no way those two are 23 and 21 years old, respectively, at the time of this episode- SORRY, BUT TRUE), concluding that this must be why they were shocked and lived to talk about it. Dr. Dehner returns with autopsy results on the deceased, informing that their brains were burned out with the electric shock. She also vehemently defends ESP ability against Kirk and Spock who are suspicious of whether or not ‘espers’ are dangerous.

Kirk then goes to check on Gary who’s been under medical observation and we’re granted a deeper insight into their friendship.

Gary somehow knows it’s Kirk before he sees him or allows him to say anything. He points out that Jim looks worried and Jim replies with a knowing smile, “I’ve been worried about you ever since that night on Deneb IV.” Gary laughs and looks down coquettishly. “Yeah, she was nova, that one.” The fact that we have no idea what they’re talking about and that this conversation barely makes any sense of is no real importance. We’re not supposed to understand. This is meant to feel like listening to two friends who’ve known each other so long and so well they’re almost speaking a shared, exclusive language about experiences and jokes only they understand. Gary talks some about his weird eyes and then he goes back to teasing Kirk. Apparently our strapping Captain was something of a bookworm nerd back in his academy days, who knew?? (His bookishness happens to be one of my favorite aspects of Kirk’s character and one that history so often forgets in favor of him being some kind of machoman womanizer- ugh) To this teasing Kirk responds with a blush that would rival that of a school girl with a crush on her teacher.

(tee hee OH GARY STOP IT)

Gary mentions how he “aimed that little blonde lab technician” at Kirk probably to distract him from being too tough in his student-teaching position, to which the latter responds with, “You what??!” “Yep. I outlined her whole campaign for her.” “I almost married her!” So, we know Kirk likes the intelligent types as much as he is one himself. Fascinating. (Sidenote: I personally headcanon that the “little blonde lab technician” was Ruth that Kirk ‘sees’ in Shore Leave, but that’s for another episode discussion) Gary warns Kirk to be good to him because he’s “getting even better ideas” now. He also has a forebodingly echo-y voice now to indicate to a wary Kirk that shit’s about to get real.

So, what’s the deal with Jim and Gary? Everything is played rather ambiguously between them, certainly in no small part to indicate to us, the audience, that they’re close and have been for years. To have them discuss blatantly spelled out exposition of their shared past would feel in-organic and I’m glad the Star Trek writers chose ambiguity for this reason. But this ambiguity, plus the sultry way Gary teases Kirk and the affectionate, bashful blushes and smiles he gets in return could easily indicate that their friendship may not be platonic (or perhaps it is now, but hasn’t always been- maybe there was some sexual exploration together at the academy and feelings due to this that Kirk never really shook). There’s subtext enough here to believe so, I think. I’ll leave it to the reader to decide whether or not Gary could qualify as one of the earliest indications that Jim may not be so immune to masculine charms as history would so direly like for us to believe.

Anyway, Kirk returns to the bridge to find Spock watching Gary’s superhuman reading speed that is ever increasing. Spock pointedly asks the rhetorical question, “Is that Gary Mitchell? The one you used to know?”. A rather...knowing question for a being that claims to not understand or experience emotions. Kirk orders a 24 hour watch on Sickbay and all the examinations and tests possible. Gary then looks over at the viewing screen, right at Kirk, as if to suggest he knows he’s being watched.

Back in Sickbay proper Dr. Dehner has arrived to...probably do an examination or something but she’s not coming off as 100% professional. Since she’s being a little bit more receptive now Gary reluctantly apologizes for having called her a “walking freezer unit” and she assures him that “women professionals do tend to overcompensate”. Once again, this has been obligatory misogyny thanks to the 60′s!!! This little song and dance continues between them as Gary changes the readings on his vitals panel and pretends to be dead (just to get Dr. Dehner close to him- smooth, buddy) and recites a love sonnet at random from memory (that was actually written by Roddenberry himself when he was an aviator- the more you know!).

It’s funny how het flirtation in this show is only different for being more blatant in dialogue and sometimes physicality. The acting choices, reactions, tone of voice, expressions, etc, are pretty much the same when the subtext suggests it’s two men flirting. Just saying.

Lt. Kelso comes in to check on Gary and Gary informs him exactly what’s wrong with the engine. Have you gathered yet that this guy has special powers now? Gee, I hope so, because it’s not as if the show has been making that abundantly clear.

The Department Heads once again meet in the...meeting room, I suppose, Lt. Kelso showing via a blown circuit that Gary was right somehow. Dr. Dehner is late because she’s apparently in love with Gary now to the point of throwing all sense of professionalism out the window; when Spock points out Gary is transforming into something unnatural, Dehner chides him for not showing more compassion despite those on his planet not having feelings like “we” do. Kirk naturally jumps to his defense and Dehner continues in her tirade, chiding Kirk also for not ‘caring more’ about his close friend. Kirk justifiably reminds her that he and Spock are just doing their damn jobs, lady, JESUS. Also what happened to the professional that wisely rebuffed Gary’s attempts to openly flirt with her in front of her colleagues back at the beginning of the episode? I’m more concerned about Dehner’s changing personality at this point, tbh.

It soon becomes clear that Dehner’s been withholding information about Gary’s abilities. Her defense for having done this is that maybe a superhuman man would be really great thing, guys, like a better kind of human being. There’s a long, awkward, uncomfortable pause while everyone in the room gawps at the fucked up eugenics bullshit she just spouted out and it’s kind of a glorious moment, honestly. Instead, offers Spock, Gary’s power will likely grow beyond their ability to thwart him and they will become a nuisance to him and who knows what kind of shit will go down then. Kirk dismisses his Department Heads with the instructions not to tell any of the crew about this.

Kirk solemnly wanders off to the side, lost in thought and no doubt conflicted about possibly having to watch someone he, well, loves (in what way is up to you) change into a monster. Spock, who can’t seem to go a minute of screentime without himself or some other character reminding us that he supposedly can’t feel or doesn’t understand earth emotions or whatever, stops dead in his tracks and slowly turns around to his Captain. Something has compelled him to stay back and continue talking to Kirk and it certainly wasn’t an order.

(the emotionless, stoic Vulcan who can supposedly feel nothing ever looks on concerned for his friend and captain. Does anyone in the crew really buy that no emotions story or-...?)

Spock basically restates what Kirk likely already knows (that Gary is dangerous, duh) and we also hear the first very important, vulnerable use of the name “Jim” instead of Captain. They’re alone, after all, and despite all protestations Spock knows how this affects his friend and cares about that. Deeply, perhaps. Even still, Spock isn’t one for soothing platitudes. He elects instead to remind Kirk of the facts of the situation and when he’s defensively asked to provide suggestions and not just state the obvious, Spock says they can basically maroon Gary on the planet they need the lithium crystals from or they can kill him. No pressure, Jim.

Kirk is upset by all of this so he tells Spock to “get out of here” and Spock insists that those are the choices, whether he likes it or not. “Would you try for one moment to feel?” Kirk rallies back, though he seems more sad than angry. “At least act like you’ve got a heart...we’re talking about Gary...” Spock says that the Captain of the Valiant probably felt the same way- and look at where the waiting got him! Spock also says he thinks he and Kirk probably came to the same conclusion. From the look on Kirk’s face we can assume Spock is right about that.

It’s interesting in this scene that the one thing we already know Kirk finds endearing about Spock -his defensive need for logic in any situation- is the one thing that irritates him enough here to throw back in Spock’s face when he presents the cold hard facts about their situation. However, we as the audience should know by now that the fact Spock was affected and moved enough by Kirk’s mood to stay back and talk to him in private indicates that he does care a great deal. What’s more, that logical perspective, rather than some simpering “poor you” sympathy speech, is exactly what Kirk needed to get his head back in the game and do what needed to be done.

This is the part where I’d go so far as to say Spock has been a better friend (boyfriend, in time) to Kirk than Gary probably ever was. Granted, most of what we’ve seen of Gary thus far has been under the influence of the evil tinfoil eyes, but we do know that Gary was one for toying with Kirk’s emotions to get him to behave a certain way (the “little blonde lab technician”). Gary is even more charismatic than Kirk and one gets the impression he knew what to say to get what he wanted long before the powers. Perhaps Gary was good at telling Kirk what he wanted to hear. Spock tells Kirk what he needs to hear and cares enough about him to bother.

In any case, the decision is made; Kirk will attempt to maroon Gary on the uninhabited lithium mining planet. He, Spock and Dr. Dehner return to Sickbay to retrieve him and Gary has become as cocky as he is powerful. He can read thoughts now so when Kirk asks him what he’d do in this position, Gary says, “Probably just what Spock is thinking now. Kill me, while you still can.” He smiles knowingly as Kirk goes and gives Spock a reproachful, sort of scolding head shake, but no sooner does Kirk come back that Gary strikes him with some kind of electric shock. Was this manipulative little smile just a result of evil tin foil eyes or was this some of a rivalry with Spock resurfacing? Hard to say for sure, as we don’t know much about Gary Mitchell prior to the evil powers.

Once Kirk is struck, Spock, the emotionless Vulcan who we can only assume has no impulse to act on, jumps quickly into action with his phaser because like hell you’re going to strike the Captain and get away with it. He too is struck.

(omg so emotionless, you guys)

Gary goes on some more about how powerful he is and how he needs the right world for his ends when Spock and Kirk somehow take him by surprise and restrain him to the bed (despite the fact that he’s supposed to have super perception and strength, but the plot needs to move after all). They also manage to somehow get him to stand up straight for the transporter despite being unconscious but, again, whatever.

Everyone beams down and Gary is put in a cell while attempts are made to salvage parts for the engines. Gary attempts some carefully worded manipulation on Kirk, recalling the time he intercepted some poison darts aimed at Kirk and nearly died from it, so why should he fear him now? Kirk calls Gary out on his true intentions and the ego that’s grown along with his powers betrays him when he attempts to launch out beyond the electric barrier. The shock drains his power and for a moment he returns to normal.

As Gary’s eyes return to their familiar brown, he says in a very small, soft, almost frightened voice, “Jim...” and we’re granted a much more vulnerable insight into the depth of his feelings for his friend. Perhaps there was some amount of manipulation to their relationship all along, exacerbated now by the god-like powers, but in this very brief moment we’re allowed to believe that perhaps Gary really did care for Jim in a sincere way as Jim so obviously cares for him. Masterful acting, that.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t last. When Gary’s eyes change back he hisses, “I’ll only get stronger. You know that, don’t you?”. Later, Scotty informs Kirk that the salvaged switchboard fits the Enterprise’s bridge and asks if Spock received the phaser rifle he ordered down. Kirk is confused for a moment until Spock shows up with the aforementioned rifle and he’s angered by this. He stomps over to a corner, followed by Spock who explains his reasoning in that Gary keeps getting closer to escaping the force field.

“Dr. Dehner thinks he isn’t that dangerous, what makes you right and a trained psychiatrist wrong?” Kirk argues.

“Because she feels, I don’t. All I know is logic. In my opinion we’d be lucky if we could repair this ship and get away in time.”

Kirk checks on the now completed self-destruct button that Lt. Kelso has rigged up. He shares a long look with Spock before reluctantly ordering the lieutenant to press the button if Mitchell escapes and there’s no other alternative.

This conversation between them is interesting because they’re essentially both avoiding the truths of their respective situations. Kirk sounds not unlike Dr. Dehner did when she was arguing for Gary’s innocence; desperate, emotional, smart enough to know better but compromised enough to convince herself differently. Of course, her arguments were fueled by romantic affection and Kirk’s could easily just be that of a strong platonic bond but...the fact that there’s a parallel between them is interesting.

Meanwhile, the audience should be well aware by now that Spock is quite capable of feeling and acts on those feelings and impulses more than he’d like to admit. I think on some level he and Kirk both know this, so arguing that he “doesn’t feel” wouldn’t really be a convincing argument in this case for someone who knows him so well, if it was meant literally. I think what is really being said here is that Spock isn’t so deeply emotionally compromised by Gary, whereas Kirk and Dr. Dehner are (but not both romantically? Hard to believe). Spock can see and own the difficult truth of the situation where Kirk cannot, or, rather, will not.

Unfortunately this plan doesn’t work out because Gary becomes wise and takes control of some wires to strangle and kill Lt. Kelso. Back at the cell Dr. Dehner continues to argue that he isn’t dangerous and Gary 100% backs her up on this by electrocuting and knocking out Kirk, and then Spock (who of course tries to shoot him with the phaser rifle after he dares to harm the captain). Dr. Dehner finally joins Gary and reveals that she, too, now has tinfoil eyes. SPOOKY.

Later, the not-McCoy doctor comes to tend to the unconscious Kirk and Spock. Kirk wakes first but asks that the doctor not revive Spock until after he’s left to go after Gary- further evidence to the fact that Kirk is well aware Spock feels and acts on something other than logic, particularly where his Captain’s well-being is concerned; either Spock would try to stop him or come with him for protection, but either way Kirk isn’t risking it.

Elsewhere on the planet Dehner and Gary are meandering around exchanging awkward dialogue, making the artificial plant section of Hobby Lobby appear around them and eating fruit and drinking water because apparently despite having god-like powers they still need the essentials to survive. Kirk does a poor job of hunting them from the shadows; they don’t need god-like extra perception to hear Kirk stumbling around, knocking over rocks and otherwise letting the whole planet know of what he’s doing. Gary tells Dehner to go talk to him so she can see “just how unimportant they are”.

The conversation that ensues is the kind that really elevates and defines Star Trek where it is in the pop culture subconscious, one that makes it more than just space people in space doing space things, a layer of complexity that I think has been lost in the translation to the frankly horrific ‘rebooted’ series (my opinion, your mileage may vary). Dehner insists that what Gary is doing is right for her and him and other powerful Espers like them, they are where it will take humanity eons to reach in evolution, but Kirk insists this isn’t true. Though Gary may have ‘god-like’ powers, he still has his inner human frailties and demons that his growing ego won’t resist. A true God needs compassion and wisdom to temper those powers. He begs Dehner to think about this like a psychiatrist would- logically, perhaps? Indeed, Kirk is pulling from that logical need Spock has aptly reminded him of.

Gary finds them again and physically forces Kirk to ‘pray’ to him while assuring him of his inevitable death. Kirk challenges Dehner in asking her if she likes what she’s seeing, “corrupt power corrupting absolutely”. She decidedly does not and finally strikes Gary with her own powers to stop him. He strikes back and weakens her significantly, but she’s done the same to him and this gives Kirk and opportunity to show off his infamous fighting skills, get his shirt ripped open, and straddle his probable former lover in the sand. Not the first time he’ll have borderline erotic fight like this with another man. In the end, he manages to trap and I guess kill Gary in the burial plot made for him. A strategically placed boulder is all that’s needed to stop god-like powers, I’ll have to jot that one down.

(there’s no good reason for this picture other than Shatner was a really hot piece of ass back then and I like to appreciate that from time to time)

The fight has weakened Dehner too much and she dies too, as I clumsily alluded to happening earlier in this write up.

Kirk returns to the ship and adds Dehner and Gary to the list of official losses and ends their service records with the honorable notation that they gave their lives in performance of their duties. Spock, looking concerned, seems to sense the difficulty in this for Kirk and comes to stand silently beside him- a subtle gesture of support and condolence, and it would seem sufficient at that, but then he goes on to assure Kirk that, “I felt for him too” where concerned Gary’s helplessness to the power.

Kirk seems a little stunned at the confession, but the smirk that follows says that he isn’t surprised and is furthermore pleased that Spock would openly admit what he already knows so well. “I believe there is some hope for you yet, Mr. Spock,” he subtly teases with a private grin and knowing look. Spock smiles too, but not until he’s looking forward where no one can really see, not even his Captain.

Certainly there’s a message in this episode about how absolute power needs morality and compassion in equal measure, but there’s also an interesting disparity between Kirk’s two closest ‘friends’. Even before the god-like powers, Gary is very charismatic and knows exactly what to say to make Kirk grin and blush and giggle, whereas Spock is very honest, straightforward, and no nonsense. Gary seems as if he was always emotionally an open book, whereas Spock for many reasons comes across as emotionally unavailable (even if that isn’t really true).

Assuming that there was perhaps a romantic, sexual history with Gary and Jim, it would be a natural assumption that Gary allowed Kirk ‘close’ to him pretty early on, though I think the genuineness of that relationship is difficult to really call for sure. Certainly there was a strong bond between them that I don’t doubt the honesty of, but I get the distinct impression that Gary probably did a lot in the way of bait and switch, reeling Kirk in and then pushing him back out when it suited him, manipulating him from time to time.

Spock, meanwhile, is the exact opposite. Not very charismatic, tells Jim what he needs to hear rather than what he wants to, insists despite the bond growing between them and the feelings and impulses that he acts on that he can’t feel. Or rather, won’t admit that he does. Perhaps this has created something of a frustrating barrier for Jim, always feeling as if he’s distant from Spock where Gary would let him in so readily.

However by the end, it becomes clear that despite his insistence to the contrary, Spock is the more devoted, the more caring, the more dependable ‘friend’, and maybe Kirk has decided he is more than willing to go the extra mile, however long it takes, to help Spock coax down those walls if he so wishes to further their bond...in whatever form that may take.

Thanks for joining me on this long ass study of Where No Man Has Gone Before. I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts and feelings on the episode, what I’ve made of it, things I may have missed, etc. HMU!

Join me next time for a similarly long write-up and subtext evaluation of The Corbomite Manuever.

#star trek tos #spirk #space husbands #captain kirk #spock #subtext study #slash #come hop aboard the uss kirk is pansexual headcanon ship #season one #episode one #where no man has gone before

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