#((because I need to pack all my stuff to move out before my rent ends next week o<-<))< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[tejennnn]

I got some Turkish sweets! Decided to take a photo with the APH Türkiye keychain right before devouring both of them :d

[elizabethwritesmen]

i don’t want you like a best friend

┏ •◦இ•◦ ┓

Pairing: College!Steve Harrington x Reader ALSO Ghostface!Steve x Witch!Reader (costumes)

Summary: You’re in Indiana for college. You just happen to be roommates with Steve Harrington’s best friend, Robin. This is a list of the times you bumped into him, starting with July move in day and ending with a friend’s Halloween party.

Warnings/Notes (PLEASE READ) : SMUT 18+, pining, friends to lovers, Robin being intrusive, Robin’s parents also being intrusive, angst, Halloween if ur into that, ghostface!Steve x Witch!reader (costumes obv), also if ur name is Grace this isn’t the fic for you just trust me on this, this is semi-modern I don’t mention time periods at all but I also made no attempt at historical accuracy so do with that what u will. it’s all make believe it doesn’t rlly matter imo. also this is a college au so I made up college friends for them! ALSO i have plans for another halloween fic, a super spooky super sexy one, but it will go up late prob sometime in late. november because i’ve put all my energy into this one and staying alive lol. enjoy! <3

┗ •◦இ•◦ ┛

•Move In Day

I stared blankly at the boxes in front of me. The U-Haul I’d rented was jam packed with furniture and all of my belongings, leaving barely enough room to breathe.

For some reason, I thought it would be easy. I thought I could girl-boss it, get it done, all in a few hours’ work. Clearly I was temporarily insane when I came to that conclusion. Oh, well. Now I didn’t have a choice.

I sucked in a deep breath before resigning myself to my fate and starting.

I carried in the lightest stuff first, wanting to get it out of the way. I figured once I got through all the heavy stuff, I wouldn’t have any energy left for it, so might as well do it first. I got about four boxes upstairs, and I was bringing up a fifth and sixth, when I noticed the door already opened. I was sure I had shut it.

I walked in to see a girl and a guy, both around my age. She was dancing around, placing boxes of her own on the other side of the room. I cleared my throat gently, placing my boxes on the rest of my things.

She snapped out of her trance and her eyes landed on me. As did those of the guy she was with.

“Oh, hi!” She smiled brightly, “You just be my roommate!”

“Must be,” I sent her a polite smile in return, but mine was a lot more shy and reserved, “I’m Y/N.”

“I’m Robin, and this is my best friend Steve,” she introduced, “He’s helping me get all my things up here.”

“Oh, nice to meet you both. Let me know if I can help with anything!” I offered.

“Oh no, that’s fine, I’m sure you have your hands full! Are your parents here helping you?”

“No, just me. I’m new here, so… I don’t really have anyone,” I shrugged, preparing to head back downstairs when she stopped me.

“Hey, wait!”

I turned around, staring at her expectantly, eager to get back to carrying my boxes upstairs. I didn’t want to be rude, but.. there were so many.

“My parents will be here soon to help me, so why don’t you steal Steve?”

“Oh,” I stuttered, looking to Steve, “I couldn’t ask you to help me. Really, it’s fine, I can get it.”

“It’s no trouble,” he shrugged, “I’d like to. I’d hate for you to have to carry everything up by yourself. Besides, any roommate of Robin’s is a friend of mine.”

I breathed out a little chuckle and nodded, “If you insist.”

He followed me to the elevator, pressing the button for me and walking on after me. I expected awkward silence but there was none, he didn’t allow a single lull between his questions. He wanted to know everything, where I was from, what made me choose the school, what kinds of things I was into.

“Do you go here, too?” I asked him as we approached the U-Haul.

“Yes, I moved in yesterday. Robin helped me get everything to my dorm, but I’m on the first floor, so it was super easy. I figured I should help her anyway, though, even though she doesn’t need it.”

“She might not need it, but extra help is always appreciated. Or any help.”

“Is that your way of thanking me for helping you?”

“Well, it was either that or bake you a cake and there isn’t an oven in the dorm.”

“Raincheck on the cake, then,” he chuckled.

We talked the entire way back up, and I was shocked at how easy it came. I didn’t expect to click so well with him, and I silently prayed it’d be the same with Robin.

“There you two are,” she smiled as we walked back in, “Did he talk your ear off?”

“No,” I shrugged, “He talked the normal amount.”

“Yeah, the normal amount for a 6 year old on a road trip.”

Their dynamic was nice. They picked on each other, sure, but it was all friendly.

On the second trip down, Steve told me about his life. His high school experience, his hobbies, his hair. His friendship with Robin. I couldn’t tell whether or not there was something more than friendship there. I couldn’t help the small part of me that hoped not, Steve was really handsome and the nicest person I’d met in a while. But I definitely didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, and I was much too shy to ask. Besides, a guy like him probably wouldn’t want anything to do with me anyway.

By the time we got back up to the dorm, Robin’s parents were there.

“Oh hello,” her mom smiled, “You must be the roommate! Y/N, right?”

“Yes ma’am,” I responded.

“Well I’m Robin’s mom, Melissa, and this is her Dad, Richard. It’s so nice to meet you! Oh, you’re just so pretty!”

“Thank you,” I grinned, a little overwhelmed with how nice the woman was being. She was pretty, much like Robin, and she’d aged well. But she also had a warmth about her that was comforting, welcoming even.

An hour later, they had all of Robin’s things up and unpacked. They didn’t even ask if I wanted help finishing up, they just got to work, carrying the last of my things up with Steve and beginning to open boxes.

“You guys really don’t have to do all this,” I mumbled, sheepishly. I always felt awful accepting help, overwhelmed with gratefulness to the point of guilt.

“Oh, hush!” her mom laughed, “We want to!”

It only took another hour to have everything in its place, and we all stared proudly at our handiwork.

“Thank you all so much for your help,” I smiled at the group.

“Of course!” Mr. Buckley patted me on the back, his grin charming, “And if you ever need anything else, you call us! Now, how about we all go get something to eat? I think we’ve worked up enough of an appetite!”

I at first assumed I wasn’t invited because, well, it’s Robin’s family and Steve has apparently been her best friend for years so he’s basically family too. I was new in all this and definitely didn’t expect to be having dinner with all of them. But when they all walked towards the door and I hung back, everyone turned to me, matching confusion on their faces.

“Come on,” Robin chuckled, “You think we’re gonna let you starve after all the work we just did?”

And just like that, we all piled into Mrs. Buckley’s car. I was squished in the middle between Robin and Steve. I wanted to give her the middle because she was so small, but she told me she would feel carsick from Steve’s cologne and she’d rather have the window seat.

“What’re you kids in the mood for?” Mrs Buckley asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Steve responded, and Robin and I agreed.

“I think there’s a barbecue joint a few miles down the road, let’s stop there,” Mr Buckley decided, turning to the back seat, “I know Robin and Steve like that, but is it okay with you, Y/N?”

“Of course,” I nodded, still shocked to be included in the dynamic.

Mrs Buckley almost missed the driveway to the restaurant and she slammed on her brakes and turned in at the last second, throwing me gracelessly into Steve, my seatbelt the only thing keeping me off his lap. He caught me swiftly as he himself hit the door, making sure I didn’t hurt myself in the commotion.

I risked a glance at him to see his eyes peering into mine, concerned and a bit discombobulated from the startle of it all.

“You okay?” he asked, and I nodded, staring down at his arm that was still around me. He cleared his throat, setting me upright in my seat as we pulled into a parking spot.

I turned to Robin, taking note of the huge smirk on her face. She was looking past me, eyes on Steve. Must’ve been some kind of inside joke I wasn’t part of yet.

We all walked inside together, and the hostess sat us at a booth, pulling an extra chair up to the end of it. I went to sit in it when Robin stopped me.

“Remember what I said about Steve’s cologne? And I get claustrophobic. You’d better sit by him, I’ll take the extra chair.”

I nodded slightly, sliding into the booth and letting Steve slide in beside me. I didn’t understand what the big deal was about his cologne, it wasn’t that strong. It was subtle but sweet, cinnamon overwhelming my senses and filling me with a warmth and comfort I craved. The kind of cologne that, when someone passes you wearing it, you stop and take a deep breath in, soak it up for all it’s worth.

Robin’s mom and dad, and Robin herself, were all giving Steve that strange smirk now, and I suddenly felt left out. I guess they were all in on the joke. Unlucky me.

We made small talk while we looked over the menus, picking what we wanted to eat.

“What’re you gonna get?” Steve asked, and I had to look up to realize his question was just for me. Robin and her parents were talking amongst themselves, completely ignoring us.

“I don’t know, probably just chicken fingers. I’m picky when I try new places.”

“Lame,” he tapped me in the ribs and joked, and I squirmed against his touch.

“It’s not lame! It’s a classic!”

“Let me guess, macaroni on the side?” he raised a brow, and I stared sheepishly at my lap, causing him to chuckle, “You’re pretty predictable, Grace.”

“That’s not my name,” I furrowed my brows at him.

“It’s a nickname. You know, Grace. ‘Cause you fell on me in the car. It’s irony.”

“Giving me nicknames already? My, how our friendship is growing,” I rolled my eyes, “If only it wasn’t such a rude one.”

“You can give me a rude one, too,” he offered, and I thought it over for a moment.

“Okay,” I nodded, “Box Boy.”

“Box Boy?”

“Yeah, cause you brought in all my boxes.”

“That’s the best you got?”

“It probably won’t stick, but I like it for now.”

“What’re you two whispering about?” Robin cut into our conversation, wiggling her eyebrows at us.

“It’s a secret, that’s why we’re whispering,” Steve deadpanned, and she snorted.

“Well, you two keep your secrets, and we’ll keep ours.”

“Fine by me, I have a feeling your secrets are pretty dark.”

I stifled a laugh, taking a long sip of my soda.

The rest of the dinner was full of happy chatting and getting to know each other. It turns out I got along really well with all of them, and I integrated well into the little group.

“You know, Y/N, I’m really happy you agreed to come eat with us,” Mrs Buckley told me as her husband handled the check.

“I’m just thankful you invited me! And paid for my food. Really, you didn’t have to!”

“Now stop with the bashfulness, you’re basically family now!”

With that, everyone stood. Steve helped me out of the booth and held the door open for me on the way out. It was sweet, in an old time kind of way. I fought off butterflies, and a crush that I felt coming a mile away.

Robin’s family dropped us off, and we stood outside talking for a few minutes.

“I’m gonna go inside and crash, but you two kids say your goodbyes,” she waved her hands at us and walked away, leaving us in silence.

“So…” I started.

“So…” he repeated.

“It was nice to meet you,” I offered.

“You, too.”

“Maybe I’ll see you again.”

“Hopefully.”

“Soon.”

“Yeah.”

I paused, not knowing what else to say. He was making no move to ask for my number, of course he probably wasn’t even interested like that anyway.

“Goodnight,” I smiled.

“Goodnight,” he repeated.

He stood for a moment and I stayed there, waiting for him to leave.

“I’m not going anywhere until I see you get inside safe.”

I giggled, “Yes sir.” And with that, I walked in.

The elevator ride to the fifth floor was long, but finally I was approaching my door, and I walked through it sleepily. I collapsed onto my bed, trying to ignore Robin’s staring.

“So…” she sighed, “You and Steve, huh?”

“Me and Steve what?”

“You guys have got it going on!”

“Have what going on?”

“Oh my God, Y/N, seriously, the sparks could’ve lit a cigarette. Did you give him your number?”

“He didn’t ask,” I shrugged, “Besides. I thought you guys were a thing.”

“I’m into chicks,” she rolled her eyes, “And even if I wasn’t, I still don’t know why you’d think that. I forced you to sit beside him the entire day. You think his cologne really bothers me that much? NO. I wanted you guys to… you know…. hit it off!!”

“Well, I think he’s a little out of my league,” I shrugged, sinking further into my sheets sadly.

“He absolutely is not. And I promise he’s into you. He’s just not the best with girls is all. He’ll have your number soon enough.”

“You’re not planning on giving it to him, right?”

“What? No! I’m gonna make the little shit ask you himself!”

“If he ever does.”

“He will.”

•First Day of Class

I walked into the lecture hall, brows furrowed, trying to make sure I was where I was supposed to be. Yes, room 208, I concluded.

It was a large room, but it wasn’t completely full. There were only about 20-30 people there total. I, of course, didn’t recognize any of them, so I took a seat away from everyone else. Nobody even spared me a glance, and I felt comfortable in my solitude, until the heavy door opened and shut behind me and a figure looked over me.

I looked up to see Steve, just as handsome as the first time I saw him. He was wearing a pair of joggers and a yellow sweatshirt, and he pulled off the comfy look well.

“Why are you sitting over here all alone?” he asked, one perfect eyebrow raised.

“I don’t know anyone,” I shrugged, and he scoffed.

“Well come sit by me and the guys from my dorm. I’ll introduce you.”

“I think I’d rather stay here.”

“Really?” I nodded slowly, “Then you leave me no choice.” He plopped down in the chair beside me, setting his things down and getting comfortable.

“What’re you doing?” I asked him.

“Well I’m not just gonna let you sit all alone.”

“But I like being alone,” I huffed, “Plus your friends miss you!” I gestured to the three guys staring holes through us.

He glanced in their direction and nodded, and that’s all it took for them to pile over to us.

“Stevie! My man! You gonna introduce us to your lovely friend?” One of them asked as he took the seat in front of us. He held his hand out for me to shake and I took it carefully, sighing.

“This is Grace.“

“That’s not my name!” I groaned.

“Then what is your name?” the tallest of the guys asked.

“Y/N.”

“Cute,” he winked at me, and Steve rolled his eyes sharply. “Y/N, this is Tate, Drew and Johnny.”

They all greeted me kindly and I responded in turn, but there wasn’t much time to talk before an older man walked in, an air of authority in his step.

“Hello, all. I’m Professor Chomsky, I’ll be teaching this course,” he began. What followed was a list of rules, regulations, class schedules, and lesson plans dull enough to make my forehead hit the desk in front of me.

“This is awful,” Steve whispered beside me, and the other guys nodded, “Another hour of his voice might kill me.”

“Shh!” I hissed at him, trying my best to focus on what the man at the front of the room was saying.

“Oh, get off it,” Steve smirked, “You’re just as bored as we are.”

“I’ll have you know I’m absolutely riveted!”

“Lying isn’t a good look, Grace.”

Just then, Tate chimed in, “Why do you call her Grace anyway if her name is Y/N?”

“It’s an inside thing,” Steve waved him off, “You wouldn’t get it.”

“Yeah, because calling me ‘Grace’ to make fun of me for being clumsy is such a hard joke to understand.”

“I don’t like your attitude today, Grace,” he furrowed his brows dramatically, and I couldn’t help giggling.

We were all interrupted by the sound of Professor Chomsky’s voice, booming at us to be quiet. We obeyed, whispering quietly every now and then but mostly hanging on by a thread to his monotonous words.

The class ended about a half hour later and Steve and I went our separate ways. We ended up having one more class together, and the guys were all in there, too, plus Drew’s girlfriend Natalie and Johnny’s sister Elaine. Robin as well. It was the most fun of all of them. It also happened to be my last class of the day. As it wrapped up and we all packed up our things, Steve stopped in front of my chair.

“Can I walk you back to your dorm?” he asked me.

“Sure,” I nodded with a smile, throwing my bag over my shoulder and following him out.

We chatted on the five minute walk. I found that I didn’t want it to end, but I hoped when it did, he would ask for my number. Or something, at least, to make me think he was interested. Part of me knew he wasn’t, though. Not as more than a friend.

“Here we are,” I sighed as we approached the doors.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “So… umm.. I’m happy we have those classes together. It’ll be nice to hangout every week.”

“Yeah, and we seem to have a good little group going. I like everyone a lot.”

“Everyone likes you a lot, too.”

I swayed on my toes, staring at him, waiting patiently. For what, I wasn’t sure.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow?” he proclaimed, his voice chipper. I nodded slowly. “You know the drill, I can’t leave until you’re inside safe.”

I rolled my eyes and gave him a dopey grin, walking in just as I had the last time.

• Hangout at Elaine’s Apartment

Days of hanging out with Steve in class passed slowly, and I soaked in every moment. I was trying desperately to keep what I felt at bay, but it proved difficult when he wanted to walk me home every day.

A month went by and it was Saturday. I woke up around noon, the week had been especially exhausting, and immediately started studying. Robin did the same, sitting at her desk beside me and rifling through her flash cards.

“How is it that he’s walked you home every single day and still not asked for your number?” she asked out of nowhere.

“Robin, we’re talking about biochem. Not Steve.”

“Believe me, Steve is a scientific anomaly, so it’s close enough.”

I rolled my eyes, “I don’t know, okay? It’s like I wait for him to make a move or something every day, but he never does.”

“Well isn’t there anything between you both? All the rest of us can see it!”

“There’s chemistry, or at least I thought there was, but now I’m sure it was just one sided. He’s just not into me like that.”

“Then why does he walk you home every single day and not me?”

“Well… you have another class after that so you couldn’t walk with us, and he probably just doesn’t want to walk that far twice a day.”

“You’re grasping at straws. The boy wants you.”

“Why are you so invested, anyway? It’s not that serious, Rob. We’re just friends, that’s fine with me.”

“I just…” she started, trying to form her words correctly, “Steve has never been good with girls. He had one girlfriend, in high school. She wasn’t the best. I mean, she was fine, and he was happy, but she hurt him and he.. well, the details don’t matter but anyway. He never really had luck with any other girls. He was always too caught up in something else. But now we’re out of that town and you can’t convince me that your coming into our lives was a coincidence. Steve deserves this, and I want him to have it. If he can just get out of his own way.”

“And if he can’t?”

“He will. Believe me. It’s just gonna take a big push.”

“I’d rather just be his friend than stress myself over it,” I shrugged, going back to my studying.

A couple hours later, Robin got a text from Steve telling her that everyone was hanging out at Elaine’s apartment and we should come.

“Wanna go?” she asked me.

“I don’t know, I have a lot of studying left to do,” I hesitated.

“I was only asking to be polite. We’re going,” she stated, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my closet. “And you’re not wearing those wrinkly old jeans and a baggy t shirt. Pick something cute.”

“I’m not really a ‘cute clothes’ girl.”

“Well, tonight, you are.” She looked through my closet, pulling out a yellow sundress I stole from my mom’s closet at some point in time. I had to admit, it was a beautiful dress.

“You’ll wear this with your white sneakers,” she instructed, leaving no room for argument so I just nodded. “Steve won’t know what hit him!”

“Honestly, he’s probably into Elaine.”

“Why do you think that?”

“She’s… well, she’s older. She’s smart, and beautiful, and she always dresses to impress. She’s just.. she’s got everything.”

“Yeah, that’s why I have a crush on her. But I promise Steve doesn’t.”

“Whatever you say.”

Before long, it was time to get ready. I put on a little makeup, just some mascara, blush, and lip gloss, and paired gold hoops and a gold charm bracelet with the dress, slipping on my sneakers and following Robin out the door.

We were supposed to meet Steve outside of his dorm. The plan was for him to drive us to Elaine’s. As we approached the parking lot, we saw him leaning against the driver’s door of his car. Elaine was right in front of him, and they were locked in what seemed like a deep conversation.

“What’s that all about?” Robin asked as we took a step or two closer. I stopped in my tracks, though, when Elaine leaned up and kissed him square on his lips.

My heart shattered into about a million pieces. It’s crazy how you never know how intense your feelings for someone are until they blow up in your face. Sure, it hadn’t been long since I met him, but everyone has had a crush that spiraled out of control way too quickly.

“Hey, love birds?” Robin called out, her voice accusing.

They broke apart, startled, and stared at us dumbly. No doubt Steve saw the hurt on my face, but I tried so hard to keep it at bay.

“Grace,” he started, making a move to walk over to me, but the scene was interrupted by the other 3 guys joining us.

“Okay, so how’s this gonna work?” Tate blurted as they approached, “I know Y/N and Steve always have to sit by each other, And Natalie will be on Drew’s lap in the back, so I’m assuming Robin is gonna squeeze in the back with us?”

“I’d rather ride on the hood,” she croaked.

“It’s fine,” I sighed, “I’ll ride in the back with you guys, Robin can sit up front.”

“Well, someone can ride with me,” Elaine offered, “And you’ll just have to ride uncomfortably on the way back instead of both ways?”

“I will,” Natalie offered, “Wanna join me, Drew? That way there’s room in Steve’s car for everyone?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, following her to Elaine’s vehicle.

“I still wanna sit in the back,” I shrugged, climbing into the middle and letting both boys climb on either side of me.

Steve stared into the car at me for a moment, fists clenched, before climbing in behind the wheel and pulling off.

The ride had the potential to be awkward, and if it wasn’t for Johnny and Tate, it would’ve been. They lightened the mood a lot. Between their jokes and banter, I felt comfortable a couple minutes in. It was only a ten minute drive, and it went by extra quick with them.

As Steve pulled in, the car lurched to the side and threw me onto Tate.

“Woah there, I see why Steve calls you Grace now,” he laughed as he helped me up. The spark I felt when it happened with Steve wasn’t there, but Steve didn’t know that, and he sent us a death glare through the rear view mirror.

Elaine pulled in right after us and lead us up a flight of stairs to an isolate apartment, quite large. It was a one bedroom two bathroom, but every room was huge.

“Mi casa es su casa,” she sighed as we walked in. “I’ve got drinks, card games, books to study, and lots of movies. Whatever you guys are into!”

“Let’s starts out with the drinks,” Johnny suggested, and everyone nodded.

Moments later, we all had a beer in our hands. Elaine suggested we save the liquor for after, and we agreed. We also all collectively decided we would play Cards Against Humanity until we were tipsy, and then we would watch a horrible movie together.

Music played from the radio in the background as we all settled into our spots for the night. Drew and Natalie on the bean bag chair, Johnny Tate and Robin piled onto the couch, and Elaine cozy in her recliner. That left only the loveseat for Steve and I, and I fought a scowl.

“Scoot over, Rob,” I gestured, but she refused.

“I wanna stretch out and be comfy! There’s plenty of room on the love seat!”

I rolled my eyes and flipped her off, walking begrudgingly to Steve and plopping down beside him.

“Is sitting by me really that bad of a thing?” he asked, and everyone stared at me, waiting for an answer.

“No, it’s fine. It’s just.. Robin was right. Your cologne is a lot.”

He almost looked hurt, but he shook it off as we started the game.

A few rounds in, Steve leaned back in his seat, accidentally shifting himself closer to me. I stared down at his leg, almost touching mine.

“You look nice tonight,” he mumbled so nobody but me could hear, “I’ve never seen you in something so… delicate before.”

“If you’re gonna compliment someone, it should be your girlfriend,” I shrugged off what he’d said and took a long swig of my beer.

“Girlfriend?” he furrowed his brows.

“You know. The girl you kissed.”

“Oh.” He stared at his lap. “Listen, Grace, that wasn’t -“

“I don’t want to hear it,” I shrugged, “Doesn’t matter to me. You guys are super cute together, I’m real happy for you.”

He looked taken aback but my tone told him he should let it go, and he did, taking a swig of his own beer and leaving me alone for the moment. The moment didn’t last long, though, because before long everyone was a little intoxicated from all the alcohol and his arm was resting on my shoulders. I couldn’t fight the way I fell into him, I could barely even fight the sleep.

“Movie time!” Elaine exclaimed, jumping up to find her favorite DVD. She picked a cheesy old scary movie that barely made sense, and we were all more than happy with it. Nobody wants to watch a good movie while they’re drunk. She settled back in as it began, munching on the snacks she’d brought out for everyone.

“Please talk to me,” Steve mumbled into my hair.

“Don’t want to,” I slurred out, closing my eyes and breathing him in. My actions didn’t match up with my words and I knew that, but I couldn’t help myself.

“Well then come here,” he sighed, grabbing me under my knees and pulling me into his lap. He rested me against his chest, holding me snugly, letting me get as cozy in him as I wanted. “Talk to me when you’re ready.”

If I’d been sober, I would’ve worried about cuddling with Elaine’s boyfriend right in front of her, but I wasn’t. I did spare her a glance, though, and she smiled at me. Strange. She didn’t seem to care at all.

“Shouldn’t you be snuggling with Elaine over there?” I whispered to him, my face nestled in the crook of his neck.

He pulled a blanket from beside the armrest and tucked it over me as he responded, “Let’s talk when we’re sober.”

“Wan’ talk now,” I hummed.”

“She’s not my girlfriend, Grace. The closest thing I have to a girlfriend is you.”

“But y’kissed her and you never kissed me,” I pouted. I don’t know whether my attitude came from sleepy delirium or intoxication.

“You’re right,” he nodded, leaving it at that.

“Y’could if you wanted to,” I breathed out as I drifted off into sleep.

I woke up in the passenger seat of the car. Robin was driving, and I looked around frantically for Steve before realizing I was in his lap.

“Oh, hi,” I mumbled.

“Morning, sunshine,” he smiled, “Go back to sleep. I’ll make sure you get in bed safe.”

“I don’t wanna go back to sleep,” I whined, leaning up.

I glanced in the back seat. Johnny was on one side, half asleep leaning on the window. Tate was in the middle, texting someone, and Drew was on the other side with Natalie passed out on his lap.

“Why’s Robin driving?” I asked curiously.

“He didn’t want you sleeping on anyone else,” she smirked at us.

“Oh,” I didn’t know what else to say to that.

He ran his hand through my hair, playing with the strands, twisting them between his fingers.

“That feels good,” I hummed, leaning into his touch.

“Yeah?” he asked as he kept going, tugging the strands a little harder.

“Mmhmm.”

“Get a room,” Tate coughed from his spot in the back, and we all giggled.

Finally, Robin pulled into the parking lot of our dorms.

“Come on,” Steve sighed, opening the car door and helping me out. His hand stayed at the small of my back as he walked me to the door, steadying me when I swayed slightly.

“I’m gonna have the worst headache tomorrow,” I whined.

“Probably,” he laughed, helping me up the stairs.

Robin cleared her throat, “I’m gonna go upstairs and let you guys… talk.” We nodded and watched her go, then turned back to each other.

“I should probably go up, too,” I mumbled, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Okay,” he nodded, but he didn’t let go of me. “I want to talk to you about -“

“I don’t want to talk about Elaine, Steve. Just go.”

“But-“

“No. I’m still drunk and I’m tired and my heart can’t take much more tonight so please just go and we’ll talk about it another time.”

“Grace,” he started, and I could tell he was frustrated, but I was too. It sucked walking up on him lip locking someone else. I didn’t want to listen or get over it yet. Any explanation he had wouldn’t be good enough for me, after all, what excuse is there to kiss another girl if he liked me? The only explanation was that he wasn’t into me, and he was trying to let me down easy. Or trying to have both.

“Stop,” I put my hand on his chest and pushed him away slightly, “I said another time. Please go.”

He watched me for a few seconds, waiting for me to change my mind, but I didn’t. I wanted him to go. For the first time, I wasn’t lingering or giving him that look like he could kiss me if he wanted to.

“Okay. Just take my number in case you need anything tonight.”

I nodded slowly, handing him my phone. He inputted the digits and handed it back, then let me walk inside in peace. I made it all the way upstairs before finally freeing my emotions, and the alcohol in my system caused them to spill out of my eyes.

“Oh, Y/N,” Robin sighed, walking over to sit by me.

“I am so over Steve Harrington,” I huffed.

“You didn’t even hear him out?”

“It doesn’t matter what he says, it’s not gonna wipe the image of them kissing out of my head.”

She nodded, staying up with me a little longer before we both nodded off.

The next morning, I woke up to a message from Steve. Apparently he’d called himself from my phone so he’d have my number too.

Good morning. Just checking on you. You feel okay?

I read it over and over before turning the phone off, deciding not to respond. I could feel my head pounding and I couldn’t take extra stress.

I got up, preparing to go get some water from the vending machine, but when I opened the door I saw a convenience store bag on the outside handle. I opened it to see advil, water, and powerade, along with a note scribbled on the receipt.

“Figured you might need this.

Let me know if you need anything else.

Steve.”

My heart grew as I paced back in the room, sitting on my bed. I texted him to thank him, then fell back to sleep with medicine and hydration in my system.

• The Next Class

I ignored Steve for the rest of that day. I suppose seeing him kiss someone else made the walls build up around my heart, but all I knew for sure was that he couldn’t get through anymore. Of course, I was still a bit sad. I liked Steve a lot, but we were better off as friends.

I walked to class the next morning, running a minute or two late but I knew Professor Chomsky wouldn’t care much. When I walked in, Steve and the guys were in their usual seats, and I took mine right in the center of them.

“Morning, Grace,” Steve absolutely beamed at me. I grinned tightly and politely in return, and pulled out my books, not bothering to respond. It probably seemed a little rude, but to me, it was what I had to do. “You gonna keep ignoring me? I screwed up that bad?”

I glanced over at him, “You didn’t screw up at all. We’re friends, Steve. I’m happy when you’re happy and if you’re happy with Elaine then I hope you guys work out.”

“Saturday night you were practically crying, and now you’re giving me your blessing and saying you want me to date her?”

“I was drunk. I’m not anymore, and yes, I want you to be with her. I’m sure she’s a great girlfriend. Just what you deserve.”

“Unbelievable,” he scoffed, “You really just want to be friends?”

“Yes,” I nodded curtly, turning to my books.

The other guys were looking at us curiously, like we were a soap opera playing right in front of them. They looked even more astounded when I walked out at the end of class without waiting for Steve. I felt horrible. He was the sweetest guy in the world. But clearly he liked Elaine more, seeing as she’s the one he made a move on, and I wasn’t going to stand in their way. I was sure it would get easier with time.

The next class I had with him went similarly. He tried to talk to me, and I brushed him off. I didn’t ignore him, I just didn’t entertain him, and I could tell it drove him nuts.

I could feel Elaine watching us, watching him. She must’ve been wondering why he was so wrapped up in me instead of talking to her. I was wondering that myself, but I let it go.

“Are you ever going to forgive him?” Robin asked as we walked out.

“I already did. It’s just not the same. I dunno,” I shrugged.

“I think you should hear him out. He’s bound to have an explanation for that kiss.”

“Even if he does, I don’t want to hear it, Rob. It happened and even if I decided to go back to how it used to be, I’d still see him kissing her in my brain every time he got close to me.”

“I understand,” she nodded, and we parted ways as she headed off to her next class. I, however, set off for my dorm.

“Grace!” I heard from behind me, and I sighed, knowing only one person called me that.

I turned around to see him sprinting to me, “I’m not letting you walk home alone.”

“Steve,” I sighed.

“No.” He seemed genuine, serious. “I care about you. Even if we’re just friends, I care about you. You don’t get to become one of my favorite people and then just cut me off. I’m walking you home. Like a friend would do.”

I stared at him for a moment, then nodded. Truthfully, I was delighted that he’d asked. I figured, with the way I’d treated him that day, he wouldn’t bother.

“So you and Elaine…” I started as we walked, genuine curiosity gnawing at me.

“Can we not talk about it?” he asked, and I nodded.

“Shouldn’t you be walking with her, though? How does she feel about our friendship?“

“Grace,” he warned, and I heeded, shutting up.

We made small talk the entire way, the awkward kind we weren’t used to. I hoped the “friendship” would come more naturally with time. After all, we’d been the best of friends for the entire two months since we met. And we’d never really been more than friends, so I wasn’t sure why this was throwing us off so much.

“Thank you for walking with me, Steve,” I said, preparing to walk away when he grabbed my hand.

“I really want us to go back to how things were before… what you saw.”

“I want that too, Steve. I just… can we forget everything and just be friends like we were?”

“Please,” he sighed, relief washing over him.

“But it can’t be quite the same. I don’t know if you realize how.. touchy, and close we are. Do you think maybe we could take a step back from that for a while?”

“If that’s what it takes to fix this, but I don’t want to. I hope you know that.”

“Steve, you have a girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s- well, she’s-“

“She’s what?”

“I can’t talk about it,” he ran his hand through his hair like he did when he was stressed.

“Of course. Well, when you’re ready to, we can go back to how it was. But for now, we’re just friends who don’t constantly sit by each other and hold hands and hug and walk together.”

“That’s fair,” he agreed, resigning himself to his fate.

With that, I left and we didn’t talk much for the rest of the day. He texted me, but I didn’t respond. I wanted him to get the picture.

• The Halloween Party

Another month passed slowly. Distancing myself from Steve was horrible. Every time the group hung out, he was agonizingly close, but I kept away and he respected my wishes and kept away from me, too. It almost itched, how badly I wanted to reach out and grab his hand. I thought it would become easier, but it didn’t. And the worst part was that the group wasn’t adjusting well to the new dynamic, constantly making jokes and comments about “me putting Steve in the dog house.”

Whatever had been going on with Steve and Elaine seemed to be over, they would chat but I never saw any PDA or even chemistry between them. In fact, she’d grown closer to Robin than anything, and when we would hang out, they would stick together. Natalie and Drew were a pair, and Steve would pack in with Tate and Johnny. I was sort of lonesome, but it was okay. Part of me wanted to just forget the kiss and go fully back to how it was, touching flirting and all. But as I told Robin, it was engrained in my memory and I didn’t really want him if he chose her first.

“Y/N,” Elaine snapped me out of my trance as we waited for class to start, all huddled up in our little group.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I was telling everyone about my Halloween party. It’s gonna be you guys, and a few older friends I have in my other classes. Not, like, a banger, but definitely a crowd and a good time. Interested?”

“Of course, do I have to dress up?”

“Well it is a Halloween Party,” she rolled her eyes at me, laughing.

And that was that. We all planned to go. She was having it at her parents’ cabin, about 45 minutes away from the campus. Obviously, she couldn’t do it at her apartment.

The days leading up to it, Robin and I looked for costumes. She decided to go as Velma, and she tried to convince me to dress as Daphne but I suggested that Elaine be Daphne instead, and they both loved the idea. I had a costume of my own in mind.

I dug in the back of my closet until I found a black peasant dress that I’d had for forever. It was long sleeve, and the sleeves were lace and flared at the bottom. The cut was low and accentuated the way the corseted middle pushed up my chest, and the skirt flared out but still highlighted all my curves in all the right places. I paired it with some ripped up fishnets, black boots, and a funky witch’s hat I found at the Halloween store that also had lace lining it. It was perfect, maybe even good enough to get the kind of attention that would help me forget Steve once and for all.

When the day came for the party, Robin went to Elaine’s to get ready and I got ready alone. I curled my hair, did my makeup perfectly for the first time in forever, and finished the look off with red lipstick. Then I got dressed, and I was ready to head out the door when I got a phone call from Steve, whom I was supposed to meet outside of his dorm so he could drive me, Natalie, and the other guys there.

“Hey,” I answered, “What’s up?”

“Hey, just letting you know, don’t walk over. I’m coming to get you. Natalie is gonna take her car, and the guys are going with her, so it’ll just be me and you.”

“Okay, you headed here now?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in like two minutes.”

“I’ll be outside waiting,” I told him and we hung up.

When he pulled up, I was standing on the curb, all dressed up. My nerves were bundled up in my stomach, and I felt like I needed to throw up. What if he didn’t like my outfit? He’d never seen me so dressed up before.

He got out of the car and ran over to the passenger side, opening the door for me. I couldn’t miss the way his eyes scanned me, hungry and searching for every exposed patch of skin he could see.

He cleared his throat as he sat in his own seat, “You look….”

“Different?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Good.”

I smiled, sitting back. My nerves were still there, but they were eased by the way he couldn’t stop staring at me, glances out of the corner of his eye giving him away as he began the drive.

“What’re you supposed to be?” I asked, raising my eyebrow at his black t shirt and black jeans.

“I didn’t want to dress up, but Robin said I had to so I just picked up a ghost face mask.”

“Ghost face, huh? Chicks dig that.”

“That’s exactly what Robin said,” he laughed, “Billy Loomis does it for girls, huh?”

“I’m not telling you what does it for me, but nice try.”

“I see the new look comes with a new attitude.”

I blushed, covering it up by staring out the window. We were doing so well, just being friendly. Why was he suddenly flirting now? And why was I flirting back? I told myself to get a grip, and stayed silent for a moment, so he turned up the radio, taking my hint.

The rest of the ride was filled with silence, heavy with tension. I felt like a rubber band about to snap, the glances he was giving me sending me into overdrive but I pretended I was fine, crossing my legs and staring out the window.

I opened my door before he had the chance when we pulled into the parking lot. There were a good bit of cars, and it seemed like a little more than a crowd. I suppose Elaine’s intimate hangout had accidentally turned into a party. Steve noticed this as well, placing his hand on the small of my back as we walked in together possessively but I brushed him off, walking over to where Robin and Elaine were sitting on the couch.

Robin must’ve been over the moon with all the attention she’d been getting from the older girl. Just by the way they were sitting, I could imagine her pulse racing. Elaine’s legs were thrown over Rob’s lap, her arms wrapped tightly around her neck. If I didn’t know them well, I’d assume they were a couple.

“Welcome to my party!” Elaine grinned.

“It did turn into quite the event, huh?” I chuckled, glancing around.

“One person told another person who told everybody, I guess,” she shrugged.

“Where’s the alcohol?” I asked her.

“Through that door,” she pointed to what I assumed was the kitchen. I walked that way, running into Tate and Johnny on the way, so they walked with me.

“You look hot, Y/N!” Johnny grinned wide as he told me so. He wasn’t being weird or anything, he was genuinely just giving me a compliment, so I grinned in return.

“Really, who knew you had this badass in you? Red lipstick and everything? Poor Steve must be having palpitations,” Tate laughed, and the other nodded.

“Steve and I are just friends.”

“That’s what you want, not what he wants. He loooooooves you, he wants to smooooooooch you,” Johnny sang, tapping his fingers together in a kissing motion.

“I think you’ve had too much too drink,” I scoffed, pouring myself a cup full of whatever looked good and leaving them to go back to the couch. The only open spot was beside Steve, so I took it, sipping on my drink.

“You’re not gonna make yourself a drink?” I asked him, and he shook his head.

“Put on your mask, dingus. It’s a costume party,” Robin reached over and poked him, and he rolled his eyes as he did as she asked.

He looked good. I could feel my heart begin to race as he turned to me, and usually it would’ve made me nervous, but I just felt powerful in that moment. I knew he thought I looked good. I wanted to use it. I wanted to make him burn like I had.

I leaned in close to him, “Wanna play psycho killer?”

“Grace-“ he started, but I cut him off.

“Can I be the helpless victim?” I placed my hand on his chest, my fingers brushing over where hair peeled through the top of his v neck. I almost felt him shiver. “Please don’t kill me, Mr Ghost Face. I wanna be in the sequel!” I trailed my hand down his chest, scratching him lightly with my nails. As I approached his waist line, he grabbed my wrist sharply, halting my movements.

“You think you’re cute?” he huffed.

“You think I’m cute,” I smirked. I pulled my hand away from him and got up, leaving him there basically panting as I walked away.

I found Johnny and Tate chatting with a couple of other guys, and approached.

“Oh, hey! Y/N! I was wondering where you ran off to!” Tate smiled, welcoming me in.

“Just went to mess with Steve,” I shrugged, glancing at the other guys. One of them had his eyes on me, and I took the opportunity.

“Are you friends with these guys?” I asked him, leaning in a little closer.

“Yeah, I stay in the same dorm as them,” the guy nodded.

“Oh, neat! I can’t believe I’ve never seen you before!”

“Yeah, but it’s okay. Plenty of time to make up for it,” he winked at me.

“What are you doing?” Johnny whisper yelled into my ear, “Steve is watching you!”

“Steve and I are just friends. He likes kissing other girls so I’m gonna go talk to another guy.”

With that, I stepped closer to the mystery man. “Wanna dance?”

He nodded, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the center of the floor where people were dancing. He turned me around and I began swaying with him, daring to glance over at Steve. He looked furious, absolutely fuming at the sight of me with someone else. I was thriving off of it.

All of a sudden, Elaine pulled me away from him, pulling me closer to the couches. The guy protested for a second but Elaine sent him a death glare and he backed off.

“Why are you doing this?” she sighed.

“Doing what?”

“Dancing with him. Steve is right there. You’re breaking his heart.”

“Steve kissed you, Elaine. Even if you guys aren’t a thing, even if it didn’t work out or whatever and he likes me now, it happened and I can’t just forget that. He liked you more than me or he wouldn’t have kissed you instead of me and I don’t want to be second choice.”

“But that’s not what happened! Steve and I were never a thing!”

“Well he must’ve felt something, because he sure did swap spit with you.”

“It was a peck,” she rolled her eyes and huffed, throwing her hands up dramatically, “And I’m gay.”

My mouth fell agape, “What?”

“I never knew. I mean, I always thought girls were cute or whatever but I never had romantic feelings for them. Then I met Robin and couldn’t think about anything else. Excuse my bluntness, but I’ve never wanted to scissor anyone so badly. Steve is so easy to talk to, I completely opened up that night. I asked him if I could kiss him to see if I felt anything. To see if it felt right, and he said yes and believe me, neither of us felt anything. It was just weird.”

“So you and Robin are together now?”

“Well… I’m hoping we’ll get together tonight, if you catch my drift.”

“And Steve never liked you?”

“Of course not. Y/N, he’s been head over heels for you since he met you. He doesn’t talk about anyone else, he doesn’t think about anyone else.”

“Oh God, why didn’t I just hear him out sooner when he tried to talk to me about this? I’ve screwed everything up!”

“Look at him. He loves you, it’s all over his face. You haven’t screwed anything up.”

I stared at him for a moment before thanking her and heading his way.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, standing directly in front of where he sat so my knees bumped into his bent ones.

“Why didn’t I tell you what?”

“About Elaine. If I’d just known-“

“I promised her I wouldn’t say anything to anyone until she was sure.”

“Still, you could’ve-“

“You were so upset about me kissing another girl, nothing but the truth would’ve worked.”

“Steve,” I sighed, “If I had known-“

“What would you have done?”

“I would’ve- Well, I would’ve-“

I couldn’t even complete my sentence, he cut me off at the jump, leaning in and slotting his lips onto mine. I was startled for a moment but he didn’t stop, and eventually I kissed back, savoring every second like it was the last. He pulled away as if he wanted to say something but I didn’t let him, pulling him right back in by his shirt and wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands found my back, pulling me closer into an arch and wandering, ghosting over my waist line.

We were cut short by cheers coming from beside us, and we backed away from each other just enough to look.

“It’s about damn time, dingus!” Robin huffed, wrapped tightly in Elaine’s arms. I blushed, hiding my face in Steve’s chest, and he leaned down to my ear.

“Come with me,” he whispered, and I nodded.

He lead me to the backyard, where a lake was glistening in the moonlight. There was a lake house beside it, cute and cottagey, like something out of a story book.

“Elaine is letting all of us stay here tonight,” he explained, “There’s only three bedrooms, though. So she told me we could stay out here.”

“She just assumed I’d be staying wherever you stay?”

“I mean, be honest with yourself, Grace. Even if we were still just friends, you’d rather bunk with me than anyone else here.”

“I suppose that’s true,” I shrugged, following him through the door to see that it was immaculately decorated. It didn’t have a real fireplace like the house did but it did have one of those huge automatic ones, so he turned it on, warming the place up. It was one room, there was a bed in the corner, not huge but big enough for the two of us, a TV above the fireplace and a couch in front of it with some other furniture scattered about. There was a closet and a bathroom, as well.

“We left the party awfully early,” I observed, turning to him.

“I have a night in a lake house with you, and you think I wanna waste it partying?”

“Well, when you put it that way,” I smiled, grabbing his hand and pulling him closer.

“I’m in love with you, Grace. I haven’t loved anyone in a really long time, and maybe never like this. And I know it’s quick, but I don’t care. I love you.”

“I love you too, stupid,” I rolled my eyes, pulling him closer until his lips met mine again and we fell into a dance of teeth and tongue.

He grabbed the fat of my hip, squeezing, the dress bunching up in his fingers.

“Fuck, Y/N, do you even know what this dress does to me?” he groaned, “Never seen you like this before.”

“I only bought it so you could take it off,” I rasped as his lips found my neck. At my words, he started sucking, leaving a mark I was sure would stay for days, and I moaned. Something about him wanting to claim me made me shiver, goosebumps littering my skin, my need multiplying.

“I can do that, baby,” he nodded, reaching behind me and pulling the zipper down slowly. He eased it down my shoulders, his fingertips brushing my skin and his eyes following their path. His irises got a little darker at the sight of the black lace covering my most sacred places, and he went ahead and undid the clasp of my bra, letting it fall with the dress.

“You look so pretty like this,” he sighed, staring at me for a moment, his gaze loving.

“Your turn,” I smirked, slipping my hands under his shirt and pulling it over his head. My fingertips clumsily attempted to undo his belt, and he stopped me, doing it himself one handed and throwing it on the ground. It was one of the hottest things I’ve seen him do. I let out a light moan, and he chuckled.

“Feel like a helpless victim yet?” he asked.

“You’re not wearing the mask, so no,” I shrugged jokingly, and he frowned.

“I can fix that,” he stated, walking to the table by the door where he’d set said mask. He pulled it on his head and my mouth fell slightly agape. He looked so perfect. So pretty.

“Want me to fuck you just like this?” he asked, and I nodded frantically. “Come here,” he grabbed my hips lightly, leading me to the end of the bed. He spun me slowly, “Bend over for me, baby,” he coaxed as he pressed on my back. I did as he asked and all I heard was a rip as he tore off the stockings, not worrying about my shoes.

I looked back to see him falling to his knees, then I felt his fingertips where I needed him most and I gasped. It was slow at first, just light touching, but I was absolutely dripping, desperately waiting for what I wanted.

“Steve, baby, please,” I whimpered, and he chuckled again.

“Anything for you, Grace,” he cooed, pushing one finger in. I let out a sigh and a moan, begging for more, and he obliged, pushing in another and eventually a third. Before long, he had a steady rhythm, pushing in and out of me in a way that had me ready to come apart.

“Please Steve, need it, need more, need you,” I panted, pushing back on him, reaching behind me to touch whatever part of him I could reach.

I heard a sharp zip as he undid his pants, kicking them off. His tip rubbed against my slit teasingly at first, then pushed in slowly, and I let out a shaky breath. He was huge, bigger than I’d probably ever had, and my walls were stretched deliciously. It didn’t help that I hadn’t done anything with anyone in a while. I’d been waiting for Steve since before I even met him.

“Please,” I whined, my voice a broken shell of what it was before he kissed me. He’d wrecked me already and hadn’t even fucked me yet.

“Here you go, baby. I’ve got you,” he sighed, setting a steady pattern of thrusts, hard and quick and perfect, everything I needed from him, His hands found my hips, squeezing hard enough to leave bruises, and I met him thrust for thrust pushing into him like a woman starved.

That lasted for a little longer before he pulled out abruptly. I whined, achingly empty, but he stopped me short by grabbing my hips and turning me over. “Scoot back,” he instructed, “I wanna see your pretty face.”

“I wanna see yours too,” I hummed as I did as he asked, scooting all the way to the top of the bed and laying my head down like a true pillow princess. He nodded, ripping the mask off and tossing it aside, and I gasped at him in all his glory. He was so handsome, hair a mess on his head, a slight sheen of sweat making him glisten.

He climbed up on top of me, grabbing my leg and putting it over his shoulder. He leaned down and captured my lips as he pushed in, and I groaned, the new angle putting him in just the right spot.

“I’m gonna cum if you keep doing that,” I whimpered.

“That’s the point,” he smirked, reaching down to rub circles on my clit as he fucked me harder. “Such a good girl, gonna cum all over me?”

I nodded frantically, wrapping my free leg around his back and pulling him in farther, earning a deep groan.

“You’re so perfect like this, taking it so good. Who woulda known my quiet girl could take it like this?” his words spurred me on, making me see stars as the coil in my tummy got ready to snap.

“Steve baby need to cum, please cum with me,” I gasped, clenching around him as I finally snapped, and he groaned. He wasn’t very far behind me, and we rode out our highs together, staring at each other when we were done like a couple of lovestruck kids.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here,” he whispered for only me, and I giggled.

“It’s okay, Steve. It’s my fault. If I hadn’t spent so long being jealous, this would’ve already happened.”

“I think it happened right when it was supposed to,” he smirked, kissing me on the forehead and walking to the bathroom. He wet a towel and brought it back, cleaning me up and then himself, then joined me in bed.

“Would you wanna, like, go on a date with me?” he asked, nerves clouding his voice.

I thought it over for a moment, leaving him in suspense.

“Of course. How about tomorrow?”

[brianwashere]

saw requests were open so might as well request :p ; imagine being peter parker’s younger brother that also has spider powers and during the snap peter turn dust so most likely aunt may did as well. So reader was most likely homeless for a while until matt murdock comes in as daredevil and becomes a father figure for the reader :)

Kicking my feet and giggling. I haven’t got a req in so long and I love getting them so this made me very happy. So sorry the ending is abrupt I really wanted to get this posted!

If anyone wants another part to this I will write more!

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from Daredevil or Marvel**

Paining: Matt Murdock/Daredevil x Male!Teen!Spider!Reader

Genre: family stuff(?) it’s all light hearted

Summary: look at req

Tw: a bit of language, probably; Matt punches reader on accident lmao

Fear’s corner

You seemed to only be scared these past few months. You were scared when you watched your brother climb aboard that flying alien donut. You were scared when you lost connection to his com and phone.

You were scared when you held your Aunt May and watched her turn to dust.

You were scared when the landlord kicked you out and called CPS after she realized you couldn’t pay rent.

It had been two months living on the streets. Two months starving; two months waiting for Peter to come home. Deep down you knew he’d suffered the same fate as Aunt May.

The cold winter winds rattled your bones and caused you to pull the threadbare ski jacket closer to your body. You shivered and kept moving down the street.

Tonight was a shitty night. You never stopped your spidey-work because you knew if Peter was here he’d want you to continue. Tonight was too cold for it, the suit doesn’t exactly provide thermal insulation, and the suit that was a gift from Mr. Stark was only for emergencies.

As you wandered through Hell’s Kitchen you searched for any grocery stores or restaurants with accessible dumpsters so that you could dig through and find food. You squinted at the sign of a large glass door entrance and saw it was a grocery store.

Jackpot.

Walking around to the dumpster, you took a running start and scaled the wall, not so gracefully landing on top of the dumpster.

You grabbed one of the two lids and threw it over. The heavy black plastic banged against the green rusted metal and you cringed.

The black bags seemed to taunt you, reminding you of how low you’ve sunk in only two months. You shook your head and jumped down, beginning to tear through garbage bags upon garbage bags.

You found an unopened granola bar and ripped the packing open, gobbling it down without another thought. You gulped heavily, pushing the last of the granola down and taking a large gasp of air. You got back to searching for more food.

That’s when you got the feeling. Your spidey-senses were tingling. You grabbed ledge of the dumpster and threw yourself over. A man in a red suit with devil horns landed in front of you. Stumbling back, your back hit the brick wall of the dumpster.

“Hey, hey. Calm down.” He said collectedly.

You gulped and easily jumped over the brick wall, taking off in a sprint.

“Hey, wait! Hold on!” The man called.

You sprinted even faster, any stranger chasing you and telling you to ‘hold on’ was an automatic threat.

You could hear footsteps following you.

‘Holy shit. This guy’s fast.’

You ran down the dark streets, trying to find somewhere to get up higher. You turned down a pitch black alleyway and jumped onto a fire escape, scaling it as fast as you could. You grabbed the ledge of the building and dragged yourself over it, gasping for breath.

Two red boots blocked your vision and you shot up. The man punched you right in the eye before gasping suddenly and gripping your hoodie.

“Jesus, you’re just a kid, aren’t you?” The question was more rhetorical but you shook your head ‘no’ anyway.

He didn’t need to know your age or that you were on your own. You began to flail to get away but air wasn’t reaching your lungs. The man let you go and you broke into a coughing fit. Collapsing to the ground, you wheezed for breath, desperate for air.

“Hey, hey kid, breathe. Breathe. In and out.” He spoke softly to you.

You followed his instructions and realized there was a weight on your back. This stranger was rubbing soothing circles on your back.

“There you go, just calm down, Kid.” He comforted.

You couldn’t bring yourself to pull away from the first positive touch you’d had in a while.

“Do you have somewhere to go?” The vigilante asked.

You shook your head, seeming to forget that you shouldn’t be telling him this. He sucked in a breath.

“I know someone I can take you to, ok?” The devil said quietly; silently asking if you would go.

You just nodded pathetically. Trying to get up was very wobbly for you. The man helped steady you though.

“You’re in no condition to jump rooftop to rooftop,” He said, seemingly to himself. “We’ll walk instead.”

You just shrugged half-heartedly, suddenly feeling very tired. You met his mask and he gestured near the ladder expectantly. You raised an eyebrow at him but began your descent down the fire escape.

You finally reached the point where you could jump off. You landed on your feet, but your knees buckled and you fell back. The man was standing over you in a second. He reminded you of Peter some.

Peter would always be the first one by your side if he thought you were hurt.

You stood up slowly and dusted yourself off.

“Follow me.” The red man instructed.

You caught up to walking beside him. You glanced around the buildings and cleared your throat.

“So uh…what’s your deal, huh? You just go around finding homeless kids to shove into randos’ homes?” You asked, trying to fill the void noise.

He seemed surprised you could talk and fumbled over his words.

“I am Daredevil, protector of Hell’s Kitchen.” He stated.

“Wow.” You said, unimpressed. “So is that like—the full name or is it just Daredevil?” You teased.

He huffed out a laugh, seeming to realize the ridiculousness of his introduction.

“Just Daredevil.” He smiled.

You nodded some.

“So this ‘guy’ you know…is he like..some foster care guy…?” You really didn’t wanna go into the system; you’d met other homeless kids who had ran away from their foster families because of how awful it was.

“…no. Would you rather he be?” Daredevil responded.

“Hell no. I think I’d rather die.” You laughed some.

The silence was more than slightly awkward. You cleared your throat. Your eye throbbed.

“Soooo…why’d you punch me?” You swung your arms back and forth.

He choked at that.

“Thought you were a criminal. And an adult. Most people don’t run unless they’re guilty.” Daredevil explained.

You hummed in acknowledgement. It was his turn to ask questions now.

“So how’d you just…jump that wall like that?” He asked.

“Oh uhhhh. Parkour…?” You tried.

The red man nodded some, though he didn’t look at all convinced.

The rest of the walk went well. He stopped at an apartment complex and buzzed in.

“Fourth floor. Room 14.” He stated before running off.

You raised your eyebrows as you watched him scurry off.

‘What a weird guy.’

You just shook your head and began your ascent to the fourth floor.

When you got to the fourth floor and room 14 you paused, hearing various crashes and curses. A few seconds later the door opened and a scruffy looking man appeared. He was dressed in a wrinkly t-shirt and pair of sweatpants; he was staring right over you.

You started to regret coming into the apartment complex.

“Uh…the devil guy told me to come here.” You stated.

He blinked and his face morphed into one of what you supposed to be surprise. It more just looked like over exaggerated confusion.

“Yeah come in,” the brown haired man opened the door wider for you to pass through. “I’m Matt. Matt Murdock.” He said with a smile.

“Yeah…so you’re uh…some kinda—“ You made a vague, random gesture with your hands.

Matt just blinked and waited for the end of your sentence. It was then you noticed his eyes didn’t actually track and movement or shifts of light.

“Forgive me for asking, but are you blind?” You attempted to ask politely.

At that he cracked another smile and laughed some.

“Indeed I am. I hope that won’t be much on a problem.” Matt grinned at you.

“No! No of course not!” You rushed to explain, at which he laughed more.

“Calm down, Kid—“ The rest of his sentence faded out as you zoned in on those three words.

The words that had been uttered to you not half an hour before. By the same voice. Matt seemed to catch on that something was wrong.

“Everything alright, Kid?” He asked concerned.

“You’re Daredevil, aren’t you?” You swallowed thickly.

He huffed out a disbelieving laugh.

“No? Why would you say that? Why would I even know Daredevil?“ Daredevil started.

“Your voice is the exact same as his. And you’re the only one who’s ever called me ‘Kid’ before.” You explained.

He pursed his lips, looking more disappointed in himself than anything else.

“Yeah I’m—I’m Daredevil.” He awkwardly stated.

“So…you’re not really blind?” You knit your brows together.

“No, I’m blind it’s just that I can—it’s hard to explain, let’s just get you settled in for now.” He changed the subject.

It left you more confused but you supposed you had no better option but to agree. You hadn’t slept on anything remotely related to a couch in two months and you couldn’t wait to get the best night’s sleep of your life.

[eisforeidolon]

Question: Think back to the first time that you took a road trip unscripted, without your parents, without the school, where were you going, what were you doing, and what happened?

Jensen: I dunno if it was the first time, but I do remember a trip that I took with my buddies. This would have been - we were pretty young, and we rented one of those RVs, the rent-able RVs? Yeah, don't recommend. And packed, like, I dunno, five or six of us in that thing and drove from here all the way to Texas and then up to Arkansas for my buddy's wedding that was happening, and then all the way back through the desert. It was - there were things that probably happened that should not have - certainly illegal. At one point we, it was late at night and people were falling asleep and we were like, 'Hey, that looks like a good field, let's go have a firework war.' We had a whole - we had saw this - stopped along the road there was a fireworks stand, so we bought just way too many fireworks. We pull over to the side of the road, it's night. We send half the guys like fifty yards away and the other half of the guys are on this side. And we started just shooting roman candles at each other and bottle rockets, like, firing them at each other. And then like one of these was like where you shoot it and then it lands, and then it explodes? It was like we were just trying to kill each other for fun. For fun. We had a guy Teen Wolf the top of it? Like driving down the road, he climbed out the, he took off the vent thing and climbed out the hole and was just like [mimes hanging on and waving]. That's not okay. That's -

JDM: That guy was Jensen. Whenever we use the term [finger quotes] that guy? [points to himself, then Jensen, laughing]

Jensen: Asking for a friend. [JDM cracks up]

JDM: I remember my first, I don't know why I remember this so well, but I remember moving to LA and we drove. My friend Billy Burke, who was on that show Fire Country, yeah, and Charlie Swan in the whatever those vampire movies - Twilight, that's it. So he had a hearse.

Jensen: What?

JDM: No joke. He was in a band called Billy Black and something, but you know, he liked dead stuff. And so he drove, that was his car, was a hearse. And we drove this hearse from Seattle to Los Angeles. And - I mean, we didn't have a firework wars, but I think there was people like riding on top of the hearse and shit. But I do remember it really well, and I remember it just because Billy and I both are still standing today and kinda had a career, so yay. That was a good move.

Jensen: Jared and I used to, uh, road trip every year up to Vancouver for the - before we hit the season. So we would, we would - he would hop in his truck and I would hop in mine, and we would take off, you know, a week before filming started. And we'd drive all the way up, you know take the five and take -

JDM: You'd just follow each other? Walkie talkies?

Jensen: Yeah, walkie talkies. Yeah, you know, we'd be cruising along and - what a great way to, you know, bond.

JDM: Hey, let's pull over and have a firework war! [Jensen cracks up]

Jensen: No, it was like, 'I could go for a little beef jerky, some sunflower seeds'. Which is just road trip necessities. And so we did that for, gosh, like several, several seasons. Probably five years in a row we would drive up and then at the end of the season, we would drive our trucks back. And then I think by that time we had just enough coin we could leave our trucks there over the summer -

JDM: There you go.

Jensen: and fly home and have a new car, so.

JDM: That's smart.

Jensen: Yeah yeah yeah.

JDM: It's okay on the way there, on the way home, though, it's like, 'Ohh, this is a long drive'.

Jensen: It's a long drive!

JDM: I need to get home!

Jensen: Well, no, it was just the end of the season, so we were like, "Woohoo leaving it in the dust, been there for nine months, time to get back to life!' But those were -

JDM: Was that from Texas, or when -

Jensen: No, that was when we were in LA. First few years.

[wil-dearest]

Anonymous asked: Ok um your dub con ask right I saw it and um how about gender-neutral chubby reader *cause I am and, and also genderfluid so it'll be good for me if it was gender neutral, if not afab. it's okay if you don't write that chubby reader stuff also!* where simpbur is being teased by them knowing that he's been stalking them (our little greasy simp didn't catch on) and in the middle of night while he's touching in his sleep they grab him by the arm and started to straddle him and degrade him and he may be in shock but he's just like blushing and dying to death and then they have nice steamy night of them ending up together😌.

love the details. did my best. enjoy

trigger warnings: 18+, stalking, unhealthy relationship, somno if you blink, gn reader but yes chubby afab reader. 18+. also degradation, just a bit. listen you're having sex with your stalker, this isn't gonna be healthy and i suggest treading carefully, you know yourself better than anyone. explicit.

Plot Twist (But We All Knew)

It's been two hours and you're still at the local coffee shop. Not... unusual, people do like to use the shop for the free wifi, the obvious coffee part, and the slightly cozy atmosphere. He shifts in his seat, thumbing over the cardboard sleeve and only flickers his eyes off of the laptop once he sees that you're packing your stuff up. You didn't have any projects coming up, nothing from work or school, it didn't make sense why you'd be here but it's nothing he can't figure out. His right hand twitches as he sees you lean over to pick up a dropped wire and your shirt rides up, god, if only he could just- run his fingers over your skin, watch the goosebumps rise and kiss and bite at the stretch marks peeking through- and you're leaving. Waving bye to the barista.

You didn't make plans with any friends, he knows this, so after ten minutes, he packs his things up and leaves too. Without the goodbyes to the person at the counter. He stands outside, the cool breeze blowing through his open jacket as he looks both ways before crossing the street. He has the route of your home memorized, mostly because it had been so close to his. It's like you were just made for him.. Course you didn't seem to acknowledge it. Anytime you saw him, direct eye contact, you never seemed to do more than a brief smile and wave. So casual, so... temporary. He wants the genuine smile you get when you make the little cookies, when you turn the music on in your living room and dance a little to get your limbs moving before cleaning. He wants the smile you get when he had texted you goodnight before.

He hops onto the fire escape, climbing up and finding your apartment easy, sitting just below your window. He's tempted to look through it and find you, wave just to see what you'd do. If you would scream and run, if you'd beat his face in. His heart races at the thought of you being so close.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and huffs as he looks through the cameras he'd installed at your home, seeing you in your pajamas early, the muscle tee and the stripped bottoms. He bites his lip, squeezing his leg as he watches you lean back into your bed and watch the show, your eyes blinking slower and slower till you fall asleep. He gasps, leaning his head back and looks around, fuck, he's late for work. Night shifts aren't typically bad but they are if you're late, and he needs all the money he can get. (Especially after spending so much on the cameras and not on his rent.)

It's a long shift and he's ready to pass out. He barely shrugs his jacket off and sitting on his bed as he tries and fails to take his shoes off. Giving up, he decides to lie down, eyes trained onto the ceiling as his eyes blink slow. He checks your cameras, not finding you in bed but your bathroom light is on, so he's not too worried. You wouldn't leave without him knowing about it. (You had stayed sound asleep, curled into a cute ball while cuddling a pillow. He desperately needs to be that pillow. For science.) He shuts his phone off, leaving it on his chest as his hand snakes underneath his pants. He's too tired to properly get off but it helps relax him further, imagining his hands as yours as he rubs underneath the head and pleasure shivers through his spine. What he'd give to have you on top of him... his hand comes out of his jeans and just rest on his thigh as he sighs one last time.

He slips underneath the sweet blanket of sleep, enjoying the same dream he's had every night since he first met you. One where he busts in, takes your blanket off of you and starts fucking your mouth or your thighs, anything, you'd be his though. You'd tell him through tears to stop but then would beg for him to keep going. It would bring him so close and in the end, he'd wake up, hard and unable to think until he got off.

This time, it felt warmer, a weight settled on his lap and friction against his dick made him shiver. And in the middle of his dream, he became acutely aware of the fact it was a dream but something was definitely happening to him while he was asleep. The weight on his lap rocks, and then- tingles ride his spine, pleasure and he can feel his mouth opening, sighs and whines in the air while there's a cold breeze on him. His eyes open when he feels warm area around his cock until something wraps around his head, fingers tracing up and down his shaft. A moan shudders through him as the scene process quickly.

It's you, you're straddling his lap, having moved him further up on the bed with his cock out of his pants and your lips wrapped around the tip. He cries out when you pull it out and just barely licks from his balls to the tip, making the effort to put as much of him into your mouth before you gag. He says your name, whimpers it out, he's wanted this for so long but- he could've sworn, you never left your apartment, not that he saw. You shush him, a wicked grin on your face as you press a kiss to the head, swirling your tongue around him and giving his cock a proper suck. One of his hands reaches up to touch your head but you just use your hand to press his wrist to the bed. You pull off of him, spit and his pre smeared over your lips. "Did you really think you could put cameras into my house and I wouldn't notice?" His mouth dropped open in shock and he was quick to say something in return when your hand squeezes around him as you lean forward, clicking your tongue.

"I didn't say you could speak.. especially after following me everywhere, and those cameras, and don't think I didn't miss the underwear missing from my drawers." His eyes widen and your smile widens into a grin. "Yeah, forgot about that, didn't you? Did you also forget you were wearing them too?" He didn't have to look down to know the answer. Yes, he stole your underwear and yes he wore them. He couldn't help himself. He loved feeling closer to you in any way he could.

And- and you're actually here. Actually on him and stroking his cock and smiling down at him and calling him a creep, a stalker. It all felt so good- he wanted to pin you down and fuck you till you wouldn't even be able to move but god- his legs feel like jello and he'd let you do anything to him.

"-can't even listen to me when I talk, can you?" You breathe out laughing, smacking his cheeks a little as you lean closer, pressing your plush chest against his and smear his wet cock against your thighs. "You're so fucking pathetic, I didn't even touch you for five minutes and you're already spacing out." You push his face away before moving to get off him, pressing a finger to his chest to keep him lying down. "I didn't say you could move either. God you're dense." He whines when he sees you slide your shorts off, only moving onto his lap after you're stripped completely, giving him the show of your thighs exposed.

"Wanna be good for me?" You ask, stroking his cock again while leaning on his chest, nose to nose while he gasps— you're so close, so warm, so soft, god you smell so good, you feel so so good, he'd do anything you want please just let him kiss you, fuck you, anything. He nods, a whine being pulled out of his throat when you lean close enough just to graze your lips against his before pulling away to sink down onto his cock. His head spins as you coo, sinking completely down and rolling your hips. "I already prepped myself at home, but you didn't see that, did you?" He definitely missed that. How much did he miss?

"Hm... while I have you here," you say, lifting yourself up before sinking down again. The soft, wet heat of your cunt surrounds his senses and he can't think, can't speak, can only mumble words that sound suspiciously like your name. "You're not exactly slick. I know you've been stalking me since June. The cameras since the beginning. I only found out about the underwear right now but I knew they were gone." You roll your hips, moaning out his name, his actual name. "Fuck, Wilbur, couldn't you just ask me out like a normal person? Now we both look weird. With you in my underwear and me breaking into your house after you broke into mine... jesus fucking christ," and he sobs into the air when you start bouncing.

"Don't think it's going to go back the way it was before. You're mine now, got it?" You bounce faster, your voice coming out breathier as you moan between your words. He knows at some point he starts begging but then your hand covers his mouth and you groan into the air. "You'll come when I tell you too, okay?" And he nods, fuck, fuck, you're so warm, so hot, he wants to touch you so bad but he can't- fuck, he squeezes his eyes, trying and trying to hold back the orgasm, doing all he can to hold it back.

You slam down and you shiver, moaning his name into the air, and you squeeze your walls around him and he's sobbing. Pleading and begging to come. It makes you squeeze harder. He needs to, please, fuck just let him please— "go on then, come, come inside me, come inside like a dirty fucking whore." The feeling barrels him over, spilling his come inside of you while you rock your hips, and it quickly crosses into pain instead of pleasure when you start bouncing again. "You gotta make it up to me for all that stalking you did, all those cameras? You're mine, my little toy to use whenever I want."

Hours later, when you're satisfied and you've cleaned the two of you up, you made him promise to take the cameras down and to properly take you on a date. (And upon the admission he went broke for those cameras, you smacked him and planned to edge him the next time you would have sex.)

And hours past that, when you are tucked into his side and his arms are wrapped around your soft tummy, he nudges his nose against your neck, breathing the scent of your skin in. With you deep asleep, he tugs you closer into his chest, arms wrapped tighter. Your ass in his crotch and he can only moan into your neck. You'll be the death of him... but you're his. And even better, he's yours. His heart skips a beat.

[boundbyeclipse]

📬

alright, since i’m so open with you all on this app, i think it’s best if i talk about my struggles and let myself be heard. considering my previous post about my roommate/friend, this one will be exactly about our journey that began a few years back. i’ll warn you, this post is very open and honest, and also quite long. if you are willing to read everything - thank you for your time. now let me start.

so, four years ago, 2019, at the end of summer, we both moved in together to another city, away from our parents and out of our hometown. we have always joked about living together, but didn’t think it would come true. well, it did. i guess it was just meant to happen. everything was good for the first two years, we spent so much time together, even worked at the same place, until she met this guy. well, it was a messy situationship but i won’t get into details about it out of respect. the important part is, when she started dating him, there no longer was any proper girl time. whenever we decided to watch a movie, or do something together, it would just always end up with her dashing through the door just to see that guy. or he would come over and the “party” would be over in a second. it always happened like that. and what hurt me the most, (i remember this like it happened yesterday) was one time, we were drinking wine, and dancing, just having fun. and me being an emotional person, (ofc the alcohol affected me even more) i began to cry so hard because i felt lonely (relationship wise). she patted my back, told me that i will find someone one day. but then, suddenly she gets a text from him and rushes to get ready to go to his place. so she leaves. i’m all alone. i’m crying sitting on the FLOOR. and it’s all because she was so naive and needed sex. i understand, first boyfriend, falling head over heels and all that stuff causes you to be naive, but it shouldn’t cross the line to the point where you totally ignore your best fucking friend who needs a person by their side. i felt so abandoned, so sick to my stomach, because the ONLY person i relied on and trusted so much did that to me. and even if i managed to kind of cool down and lowkey forgive her for that (i never actually talked to her about that night), i still remember it. i don’t think that’s what best friends do.

next, some time after that, i fell into a bad place again, i left that job, wanted to find a new one, and it took me a bit of time to achieve that. but during the time while i wasn’t working, my mom offered me to move out and go back to my hometown. i said no, because i didn’t want to go, i liked it here and i liked the fact that i had my private space and could explore a city that i wasn’t familiar with before coming here. she begged me to stay here because she would not have known what to do with the rent. and since we pay it in half, she would have to pay the full rent until a new person was found if i left. so i stayed for me and for HER.

two more years passed by, and i’m in a very similar situation right now. i haven’t gotten any luck with finding a new job. it’s a struggle. and what does she do this time? she tells me “this is the last month you’re living here if you can’t get a job”. and it’s not on me if nobody is interested in calling me for an interview, right? 11 applications, but 0 calls. am i at fault here? no. so now she basically threatens me with kicking me out?? no problem, i’m packing my bags day by day, because this is not what i want anymore. yes, starting life in a different location was always exciting, but i’ve gotten sick of it. i miss my family. i miss my home. and it doesn’t matter if i have gotten used to this city, this apartment, this lifestyle, i just feel like i don’t belong here anymore. my gut is telling me “go, you’ll be better off back HOME” and i cannot keep ignoring it.

i also just had her talk about me in the kitchen like i’m not home or can’t hear her. and what i hate the most is that she never talks to me about any issue eye to eye. it’s always behind my back or through the texts. if you are that unsatisfied with how things are going for me and how my mental health is, talk to me in person. no friend goes around and talks about their friend who’s so close to them behind their back. this is completely unacceptable and disrespectful.

so, i have been gathering my things and i am getting ready to move out. it’s time. and yes, i will have to start everything from zero, but if that’s what i feel like is best to do, i’m going to do it.

if you made it this far - thank you for your time. i just wanted to pour my emotions out and tell my beloved mutuals what i’ve been going through. thank you everyone 🤍

[happysweetstuff]

ENTRY - 10/30/2024

(tw: sh,ed)

I finally used the gauze bandage I bought and took some from my mom's cabinet. I struggled to remove a makeshift bandage from my wound, using water to help. After cleaning the wounds with soap and water, I wrapped them with gauze and bandages. I wore my PE uniform instead of the proper one since I don’t have a spare. I hid the extra gauze, hoping my mom wouldn’t find it. When she called me for tea, I said I’d be late and explained why I was in my PE uniform.

7:40 a.m

I arrived at school confused by my busy classmates and checked my phone. I saw my advisor's message about wearing the proper uniform, but it was too late for me. I hadn’t checked my phone last night and missed a quiz reminder from my teacher, which panicked me. When the teacher came in and asked if we were ready, I thought, "Hell no!" She said the quiz would be easy, then returned with the test papers.

After taking the quiz, I'm pretty sure all of my answers were wrong, and to make sure, I went to check my notes, and yup, half or maybe even all of my answers were wrong, yay (⁠´⁠ε⁠｀⁠ ⁠) Oh, and there was also another teacher who went inside talking about something I don't remember because I didn't really listen. 

Second period started, and we had to change seats, which I dislike. Our teacher didn’t show up, so I checked my phone for any updates. She mentioned we should continue our performance task, writing a critique letter. Spoiler alert: I hadn’t started because I didn’t know how. I ended up watching TikTok instead. Then we had to change seats again for math in third period.

Our math professor came in and surprised us with a pre-test, which is basically a quiz that won’t affect our grades. I didn’t understand anything, it was all about business stuff that we hadn’t covered. I answered randomly, grateful for the multiple-choice options. We had to check our own papers, which seemed odd. I scored 11/25, which isn’t great, but at least it wasn't a zero. When the professor called out scores, I noticed he missed mine, so I told him. After he recorded my score, he left.

In fourth period, we had science, and since I was absent last week, our teacher gave us a recap on life. I took pictures to take notes later. My classmates were really annoying, asking childish and perverted questions. Just because the lesson was about life doesn’t mean it’s okay to be disrespectful to the teacher. Luckily, our teacher was laid-back and joked back, but if it were a stricter teacher, they’d be in big trouble. I just wish they’d keep those comments to themselves and talk about that stuff with friends, not in class.

Class ended, and while packing my bag, some classmates invited me to get requirements from our old school. I agreed, but we learned only one person needed to go, so I headed home instead. I ate while watching "Noli Me Tangere" on Netflix. I remembered my science teacher claimed that if someone doesn’t eat for over three days, they'll die, but I’ve fasted for four days before. To prove her wrong, I’m considering a longer fast to lose weight and might document it. I’ll keep you updated! ♡⁠(⁠>⁠ ⁠ਊ⁠ ⁠<⁠)⁠♡

I told my mom we’d wear Filipiniana outfits for a school event tomorrow, and she started getting ready. While I was watching a movie, she asked how many bracelets I made, and I initially thought she meant my scars, which surprised me when she touched my bracelets (⁠─⁠.⁠─⁠|⁠|⁠）After she went to get my outfit, I checked my phone and saw the event was canceled and moved to next week. My mom came back looking upset. The rented dress was cute, but I felt big in it after eating ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ I mentioned the cancellation, and she just said, "Okay."

My mom asked me to bake using the extra bananas we had before they rotted, so I rolled them up with Nutella in sliced bread and put them in the oven since we don’t have a microwave. I prefer the oven because it’s easier to clean. While waiting, I thought about buying tarot cards, though I don’t know much about them. I also checked out cosplays for Otakufest on January 18, 2025, which I’m excited for \⁠(⁠ϋ⁠)⁠/⁠♩ even if it’s still a while away. Once the banana Nutella rolls were done, my mom and I enjoyed them together.

At night, I went upstairs to write down my notes when my mom came in to say that only two baby hamsters were left, we started with six. Confused, I went downstairs and confirmed my mom's words. I suspected the mother hamster had eaten the other four (⁠・⁠o⁠・⁠) Using a plastic spoon, I checked to make sure they weren’t just hiding. I researched what to do and learned I should separate the mother, so I moved her to a different container. I also remembered I had taken some bandages from my mom's cabinet earlier. Thankfully, I finished my notes too.

[rockofeye]

Ogou, a project finally finished, and upcoming possibilities!

The calendar has gotten ahead of me, and here we are again on a jou fet/feast day for Ogou. It's been quiet around these parts for a minute (more on that below..), and it feels like that kind of timing that puts you in exactly the right place at the right moment. Funny how divine providence works.

If you've hung around for a minute, you know the story I'm going to tell. Maybe I sound like an old person who walked barefoot up a hill in three feet of snow to go to school, but it's something that stuck with me and it's something that really did change my life.

Today is St. George's feast day, which is a day given to at least one Ogou for most if not all vodouizan; it's probably one of few overarching pieces of sameness that you can find country-wide in Haiti. Ogou is central to Vodou; it was Ogou Feray and Ogou Je Wouj who sprang up during Bwa Kayiman and who stoked the revolutionary spark that made the first free Black republic a reality. He is probably more central than he is given credit for; he is certainly overlooked at times in favor of others.

I've had the grace to not be able to overlook Ogou. He made sure of that when he (among others) brought me to my spiritual mother and the lineage named after nasyon Nago, the family of Ogou.

He also made sure of that when I was careening down a very bumpy road towards kanzo. It was 8 years ago now (!!) that I was sitting in an apartment that I would end up abandoning not knowing how in the hell I was going to get everything in order for kanzo just a few months later. I didn't have the money, I didn't have the stuff I needed, I don't even think I had my passport at that point. I was in serious trouble, and I knew it.

So, I did what I could and sat and made a small service for Ogou. I bought what little I could put together, made it pretty, and presented it to him. In retrospect, it's kind of cute what I thought I knew and must have been like a small child presenting you with the product of their toils: the spiritual equivalent of a mud pie with dandelions stuck in it and a macaroni necklace.

But, I did it and I told Ogou that I knew I had made a promise, I knew that I was in trouble, and that I would do whatever he told me if it got me into the djevo. I lit the match and gave it to him, he set the fire and burned my life down.

Within two weeks, I abandoned the apartment I had and packed my car to make a couple of trips into Boston to live in a teeny tiny rented room that was close to my job that Ogou would direct me to quit. I sold my car, any possessions I had that were worth money, and took my stacked vacation time money from the job I quit, all while working up until a few days before I needed to fly to Haiti and hustling at night with whatever side gigs I could find. I bought my flights to/from Haiti before I prepared anything else or even had the money I needed in my hands because I figured that it would be pretty awkward if I had to fly to Haiti and just...hang out when I had been planning to kanzo all along.

It looked like things were going to work out. I was barely sleeping, but the money was coming in and I had the things I needed to go to Haiti with....but what would things be without a last minute twist?

Two days before I left for Haiti, I found out that the way my rent was going to be paid while I was in Haiti fell through. So, I spent two days moving what I could into a friend's basement and abandoned the rest of my belongings, again. I had some boxes, a couple bags of clothes, my suitcase to go to Haiti with...and that's it. Everything else was gone, and I found myself in an airport unsure of where I was going when I got back.

I made it to Haiti after delayed and canceled flights and some crying in a corner, and the rest is history. Ogou (and all my lwa) held me up during the process, and held me up afterwards while he helped me rebuild the life I gave him to burn down. Literally everything I have now descends from the hands of Ogou and my lwa. Career and professional success, home, relationship, spiritual opportunities...all of it down to the last little piece. Nothing is without his/their influence, and my life has become worth living because of it. He saved me, and it all really started on this day 8 years ago. It's been a wild ride the last 12 years with the lwa, and I genuinely couldn't ask for anything better.

'Gratitude' is not a sufficient word because it cannot encompass how I hold all these things inside of me. It is beyond language and verbalization, and when I find myself in front of Ogou and wanting to thank him yet again for all that he has done for me, words are insufficient. I look at him kind of despairing to explain, and he just nods. He knows.

And here I am. Like I said, a wild ride. I looked at a calendar the other day and it really has been 12 years since I got dropkicked into Vodou. So much has happened and so much is to happen and to become. I am not yet the reflection of what I believe the lwa want for me, but I do believe I am climbing closer each day.

I've been pretty occupied in the last year with big stuff; I wrote previously about the completion of my husband's immigration process FINALLY which has him in the US with me permanently (and back and forth to Haiti as life allows). After that, a rather large project occupied most of my time/energy.

Details about that and upcoming stuff behind the cut.

I keep a lot of things close to my heart and am careful about what I write about here, both for practical and esoteric reasons. I strive to be transparent and vulnerable in healthy ways, and yet maintain some semblance of privacy, especially for those closest to me, like my husband.

But we did a thing and it's such a big thing that it deserves a mention in the place where I have detailed some of the most important bits of my life. Presenting our first collaborative effort:

Bondye, all the lwa, and the power of our collective ancestors gave us the opportunity to bring this soul and newest ancestor into being. We are happy to have our little potato with us. This is what has kept me so quiet here; pregnancy is not for the weak and it was a ride I, your friendly neighborhood gender non-conforming houngan, never thought I would take....and yet life with the lwa brings new twists and turns and beautiful gifts. I was deadset on never having children of my own, and here I am with a little potato.

This has opened a wide new world for me and boy have the lwa had a lot to say before and after the potato arrived. They are a tiny pitit Ginen and the lwa have been clear that we can never forget that.

So...there's that. It's funny, but being the caretaker of a potato that the lwa are deeply invested in brings me back to why this blog was started in the first place: I was having experiences that I did not see reflected anywhere, so I decided to write it all down.

I am not the first parent in the world, of course, and absolutely not the first vodouizan to bring forth a child...but again I don't find anyone else with my particular constellation of experiences having a similar experience. This time, at least, I have plenty of people to call and chat with when I have questions about the intersection of Vodou and the potato.

I expect some of it will make it here and some won't. My rule about writing about people that are close to me is that they get to consent about what details I share. When I write about my (human) husband, I share it with him before it posts. As the potato has not yet developed the capacity for consent, what is presented about them will be limited. Their face won't make it onto Tumblr or any other platform or social media I write on, and personal details will remain as neutral as I can make them. If you are one of the folks who knows me in an offline kind of way, I'd ask you to respect that as well.

Other things:

Tomorrow, I will have a post about an upcoming opportunity to celebrate Kouzen. I had hoped to have something put together for his actual fet day on the 1st, but like November is given over to Gede, all of May is Kouzen's month. Look for details tomorrow.

By next week, I will be live on Medium. This will allow folks to get my long-form posts directly in their email or via the feeds they use elsewhere. My long-form posts will continue to be posted here, and I will continue to answer questions and interact with posts here.

Website is coming!

I am toying with launching some online educational opportunities and have some specific plans, but would also like to hear what folks are interested in having live educational opportunities on. I'll post separately about that as well.

My husband is launching his atelier, expect posts about what he has available as well!

So...how are you?

[ashleywool]

Look...I'm no statistician, but...

I HIGHLY doubt it's a coincidence that Tony viewership dropped 14.6% the year they snubbed the ONLY musical in history that represented and celebrated the most passionate, dedicated, and under-appreciated evangelists of the Broadway fandom.

This isn't a slight against any of the other folks who were represented on that stage. They are my friends and colleagues and they deserve all the recognition they are getting and more. This isn't even a judgment of the Broadway League. I know how this stuff works. I know the point of the awards show is to get national audiences interested in coming to New York, and that the odds of an early-season closure getting nominations in an already-packed season is slim to none, and we were far from the only ones left out. (I'm still especially flabbergasted that Harmony got ignored. It was, in my expert opinion, about as perfect as a musical could possibly get.)

Even still, there were plenty of reasons to tune in, between all the wonderful shows that WERE deservedly represented, and the fact that it's only the second full Broadway season since the shutdown.

I can understand the financial constraints that are still resulting in overall lower grosses/attendance at the shows themselves, but for Tony viewership to be down 14.6% from last year? When it's accessible on more platforms and in more parts of the world than ever before?

You're never gonna convince me that that only happened because of Father's Day, and had nothing to do with ticking off a giant sector of diehard Broadway fans, many of whom had already made active plans to see HTDIO but never got to go.

But, like so many other things I know about the power, passion, and prevalence of the autistic community, I can't prove it. It might not be proven within my lifetime, and even if it is, the people who don't wanna see it will still ignore it. Or try to frame it as a "me" problem. That's just something I have to live with, and my heart and logical brain know that that's okay, even if my ego doesn't like it.

I am optimistic about HTDIO going to London, though. The UK theatre scene has its own set of issues, but "cultural de-prioritization of theatre" isn't one of them, and neither is "everything being controlled by the landlords."

I found out that you don't even need a deposit or show proof of income to rent an apartment there, and credit scores are NOT A THING. The cost of living is still quite high, and the West End actor salaries are not what they should be, but it makes me happy to know that at least none of those actors are going to have to ask for a $9K salary advance just so they can move into the neighborhood. And if they happen to be an off-the-books gig worker on the side, or they're receiving unemployment at the time of the application, it DOESN'T MATTER. The landlords don't care where the money comes from, or how good their tenants have been at paying other people on time in the past, or how much debt their tenants have, as long as they get the rent on time every month. What a dang concept.

At the end of the day, whatever happens or doesn't happen or could/would/should have happened, I'm still deeply proud of our show, I still love the craft and the culture of musical theatre, and I love the Broadway community more than I even realized was possible. I don't think there's any force in the universe powerful enough to make those things less true.

Life is always gonna be hard and unfair, but theatre people are my favorite people to do hard and unfair things with.

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

chapter 22

tags: @illiana-mystery, @eclecticwildflowers, @onedirectionlovers2014, @eroticaplush

warnings: POV change, swearing, Dan has anxiety

“thanks guys for helping me pack all this stuff up.” I brushed my hair out of my eyes as I taped up a box filled with books.

“course. Least we could do after taking up camp here for the last few weeks.” Bill said as he stacked another box by the door. Kevin had rented a truck and was making runs between the apartment and the truck. “Just…” bill leaned on the box tower and looked at me. “You sure you want to do this?” I nodded.

“Course I do.” I said. Bill nodded and Angie patted his shoulder.

“leave them alone bill.” She said. “(Y/N) is old enough. Besides the two of them have been dating a while. What? 6, 7 months?”

“something like that.” I said as I started packing another box. “Bill, I thought you liked him?” Bill shrugged.

“I do. I just…sometimes I think they run into things. And well, (y/n) what are you going to do if something happens to him?” I tensed. “I know you don’t want to hear it but be realistic here (y/n). Then what?”

“bill.” Jackie sighed. “Leave it be. They’ve been through enough these last few weeks. I’m sure they have it figured out.” I nodded.

“if you don’t like it bill, just go. Hang out at the courthouse or something. I don’t care. Just don’t…don’t bring this down for me. I love him. Very much. And I want to do this. I’m going to move in with Dan whether you like it or not.” I said. Bill nodded and picked up a box.

“as long as it’s what you want. And you’re sure about it.” Bill admitted. He started taking the boxes down to the truck. Rubbing my forehead, Angie and Jackie came over.

“Don’t listen to him. He’s just…” Angie said. Jackie nodded.

“A jerk sometimes. Says he’s overprotective but comes across as an asshole.” She finished. I nodded.

“I know. And I know he’s just looking out for me. But yeah. He’s a jerk.” I laughed. “The apartment is paid til the end of the month. So you guys can stay here if you want. Dans going back to work tonight. Just sitting in. Things are…” I paused. “Starting to go back to normal.” Angie nodded and Jackie finished up the box I was packing. We finished packing in silence and took everything down to the truck. Once we got to dans apartment, they helped me take everything up and start to unpack.

—-Dans POV——

I paced abbies chambers, waiting for her to call a recess. Smoothing my hand over my shirt again, I tried to breathe deeply and keep my heart rate down. (Y/N) would kill me if I had another heart attack.

“Dan?” Abbies voice broke me out of my thoughts.

“your honor.” I said, smiling softly as she came over to hug me. “Abbie, I need to talk to someone and as much as I’d like it to be (Y/N)…I can’t tell them what this is.” Abbie nodded and we sat down in the window.

“I’m sure whatever it is you can tell them.” She said with a smile.

“I want to marry them.” I said bluntly. Abbies eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. I smiled at her and nodded. “Yes. I’m serious.”

“but Dan I thought…” I nodded and smiled softly.

“(Y/N)’s…” I shrugged. “Special. The thing is we’ve talked about it before. After that fight. And we both sort of agreed we’d discuss it again if it ever came up but we were pretty settled on not needing a ring on our fingers.” I sighed and adjusted my glasses. “Abbie, I don’t know how to tell them without making them try to see a proposal in every romantic thing I do. I never thought I’d even be considering this again. Let alone actually be having a conversation about it. But I honestly want to do this. I want to marry (Y/N).”

“propose right out then.” Abbie said. “Go somewhere you would normally take them on a date and propose. I’m sure they’ll say yes and you can have the discussion afterwards. About how and why and what comes next.” I nodded and played with my fingers. “Just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean you need to jump into a wedding or wedding planning right away. There’s time to discuss consequences and actions and what’s next before all that.”

“and if they say no?” I asked, looking back up at Abbie. “I don’t think my heart could take that right now.” Abbie nodded and patted my arm.

“Dan, (Y/N) loves you very much. I’m sure that they will say yes. And if they want to talk it through before they give you a response, then guess what?” I shrugged. “They love you enough not to run into things with you on a whim.” I rubbed the back of my neck and chuckled.

“they uh…” I laughed. “Well we’re moving in together. They are bringing their stuff over right now and their friends are helping. They didn’t want me there, getting caused unnecessary stress.” Abbie laughed and nodded.

“Dan, there is no doubt in my mind that (Y/N) wants to marry you as much as you want to marry them. Go get a ring and put it on their finger.” I nodded and stood back up.

“thank you Abbie.” I whispered as she hugged me again. “I mean it. Thank you.” She nodded against my chest and I started the trip back to the apartment.

——normal POV——

I looked up at the sound of the door opening. I smiled as dan walked in, hands in his pocket.

“Hey.” He smiled at me.

“hey.” I responded, getting up and hugging him. Dan sagged against me and kissed my head. “Everything went well at the courthouse then?” He nodded.

“yeah. I also talked to Abbie about something.” Dan admitted as he looked around the room. “Finish unpacking?” I shook my head.

“not yet. Still got some stuff in our room. You might need to move some stuff before I can put mine away.” I admitted. Dan nodded.

“I’ll move whatever you need.” Dan hugged me again, burying his nose in my hair. “I’m exhausted. Want to go to bed?” I nodded.

“yeah.” I agreed, taking his hand. “Been a long day. I can finish this up tomorrow.” Dan tugged my hand gently, making me turn back towards him. “Wha-?” He kissed me softly and i cupped his cheeks.

“been wanting to do that all day.” He whispered. I giggled and gently scratched his beard, making him hum. “Love you.”

“love you too.” I smiled at him. “Now let’s go to bed.”

[fvckyouimaprophet]

🔀 and requisite wolfstar suggestion

I made the mistake of trying to answer this on mobile, so my first response got lost in the Tumblr void, but—

Taken from a playlist of ~2k songs, I got Let’s Get Lost by Beck and Bat for Lashes (yes, from the Eclipse soundtrack, lmao).

Sirius and Remus date when they’re teenagers, but it’s messy. It doesn’t work out. Remus is too restless, and Sirius has too much stuff he’s dealing with and sees Remus as the cure to it all, and it’s too much pressure for Remus to handle.

So one day, Remus just packs a bag and leaves. It’s not fair, and he knows it, but if he has to say goodbye, he’ll never go. So he doesn’t. He moves around a lot before he settles in NYC. You’re just a face among millions there, and that’s how Remus likes it.

He picks up odd jobs—bartender, dog walker. They just help pass the time. But New York is expensive, and eventually, he considers leaving again.

He’s working one winter night at the bar when suddenly he turns and there’s Sirius, shining bright as fucking always. His best friend from childhood, James, is with him, along with some ginger. Remus considers bolting, even though leaving in the middle of a shift would get him fired, but rent is due soon, and he desperately needs to buy groceries. And he won’t be a coward twice.

Sirius is so lost in conversation that it isn’t until after Remus walks up to where he’s standing and asks to take their order that Sirius notices. But once he does, it’s like the whole world stops, and even though it’s been two decades, Remus feels like a teenager all over again.

But then the moment passes, and Sirius orders, like nothing happened. Like he doesn’t know him. James freezes and looks between them, but he must decide against saying anything because all he does is mumble a shameful, “Thanks,” when Remus hands them the drinks. Can’t even meet his eyes.

And Remus knows it’s probably deserved. After all, he did just leave Sirius with no warning, but damn if it doesn’t hurt. Three hours pass, and Sirius sits with his back facing the bar, so Remus can’t see his face. The ginger—Lily, Remus discovers from the card she gives him to open a tab—orders all the drinks, and Remus is left feeling crushed and like a fool.

When his shift ends, he can hardly wait to leave. He rushes outside and gulps in cold air, fumbling for a cigarette, when he hears his name behind him. In Sirius’s voice. And he turns around, and there’s so much to say that Remus doesn’t even know where to begin, but then Sirius is tugging at his jacket, and they’re kissing, and Remus decides it’s better if he says nothing at all.

He lets Sirius pull him into a cab and take him back to his hotel room. And he’s utterly terrified about what will happen after, but for now, all that matters is that Sirius is here. And everything about him is familiar and completely new all at once, and Remus just wants to get lost in it.

send me a 🔀 and a ship, and i’ll shuffle my playlist and write an au based off of the song.

[undeadorion-archive]

I can't believe that in just a month, I finally graduate with an AA (2 year) degree. It only took 5 attempts at 3 separate schools across the span of 20 years.

Problems started even before I enrolled. I wanted to study animation but no schools near me had it. But I also had no idea how to find exactly what each school offered (this was back in 2001/2002 when not everyone had a comprehensive website). One of the schools I applied to even sent me a letter because they were confused why I'd apply for a program they don't have.

I finally settled on Evergreen State College in Olympia to study art. Being my first experience, I didn't realize how craptacular the school itself was. You didn't sign up for a specific program like "fine art" or "graphic design." You instead picked from pre-packaged sets of classes called stuff like "Labyrinths" that had an English class, a drawing class, and a print making class all bundled together.

My mom had promised that if I got accepted to a school she'd help me pay for books (I'd taken a year off after high school and just stayed home). When I finally knew what I'd need, I took the list to her with the final amount and she looked me square in the eye and asked how I was going to pay for it.

That school lasted only a year. After multiple bedbug scares and dealing with the crunchiest hippie types you can imagine, I was done. I switched instead to a local community college. And that was fraught with issues. Evergreen didn't do normal grades. They instead gave you a lengthy review at the end of the term with no concise way to say how well you did. So the community college just told me my credits didn't transfer.

Come spring term, I was so frustrated, I ended up having a breakdown in the advising office because nothing was working out. She made one call and got my grades transferred, it had been a glitch all along. But now I had double credits for art and english, which was...frustrating. So I'd made zero progress with an additional year of debt because of 1 person's mistake at the beginning of the year.

Determined to make it through, I enrolled for fall classes. Then everything went to shit. I injured my knee and missed a bunch of classes. I was living with a grossly abusive older sister at my dad's house who I had to get away from. I was the only one with a car, so she thought it was a good idea for me to get up at 6am, drive her to work, come home, go back to bed, then get up for my classes. She also threw me to the floor when I was injured and laughed at the fact that I couldn't get up.

I ultimately dropped out of school and had to get a full time job. Which led to a very long break from school.

In 2016, I was finally able to return to school. I was going to study set design at a local university. They actually had a program for it! At least, they did when I'd started looking in 2014. But by the time I actually was able to enroll, they'd changed the structure so you could take classes in it but it was now a big vague soup of a theater degree where you made your own path.

Unfortunately, I got hit with a double whammy in the spring of 2017. First, the department was doing away with almost every class having to do with set design. Everyone was pissed, including the teachers. Then the supposed friend I was renting a room from decided he wanted a barely legal twink from California with a vomit fetish to move in so he was kicking me out. By chance, my mom was moving back into town so we found an apartment together and I continued going to school. This was a bad decision.

With set design now out the window and yet another year of school wasted, I shifted my attention to architecture. Because I could still apply it to set design. And I did surprisingly well for a while.

The just before Christmas of 2017 (so about 10 months later), I came home from staying with a friend to find my mom had packed up and moved out. Took everything that wasn't in my bedroom, so took all my dishes and cookware. And an apron I'd sewn for myself. Just left me a note saying there was no other option and left the keys.

You see, I'd begun my gender transition in 2015. She must have assumed it was just a phase, because she burst into tears when my paperwork from the courthouse showed up just before Thanksgiving, finalizing my name change. She kept crying and saying she was "mourning the loss of her baby."

Yet again, I had to drop out of school and find a real job. That lasted about a year and I was MISERABLE. I moved back in with my dad, finally. Older sister had moved across the state years before, so I was safe. I enrolled back in the community college from my first go-round, but that barely lasted a term. I tried graphic design and I was bored out of my skull. I ended up getting a job, instead. That was the spring of 2019.

Then 2020 happened.

With so much time at home now, I rediscovered a passion for web design. Something I'd been doing off and on since the 90s. I did some poking around and found that same community college had a program for it. So when my unemployment was running dry, I applied. I started in the fall of 2021.

There were a couple points where I almost dropped out. Some classes and teachers that were so terrible I wondered if it was all worth it. But thanks to one very specific teacher, I kept going. I found I had an aptitude for the actual programming aspects as well as the design parts. He encouraged me to take Harvard's online classes for computer science and web design. And I did surprisingly well in those.

And now, finally. I'm in my last term of classes and excelling. I'm getting paid to tutor students in the classes I've already taken, even. I'm graduating with honors. Something I wouldn't have been able to do when I first started. I've joined 2 honors societies and been on the president's and the dean's lists.

No matter what bullshit life throws at you, the trick is to keep trying. Even if it takes you 10 times as long as it's supposed to, it will always be worth it when you get there.

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Backdoor Deal With the Devil: Part 4: Awakening

Calum meets Eve in a bar. And it would be a normal story. However, Eve’s more than he bargained for, and so, the story’s never so simple.

Black!OC.

CW: 18+ content (Smut); descriptions of Overall series contains: Christian religious themes, mentions of death, and smut (18+ only).

Word Count: 24K+

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Enjoy my masterlist

__________________________________________________

Eve leans against the door of her storage unit. The keys are clipped to her belt loop for the moment, providing a soft clicking sound with her movement. She’d gotten the unit after she and Calum divorced. Well, she moved units after the divorce. The place she was using before was hiking the rates up every three months and she kept paying it because she could feasibly do so. It irked her nerves how much they were going up though. When she and Calum divorced, Eve packed up her belongings and moved units. Now this place has oddly become a second home for her. She can transport between realms easily out here, considering this place is on the outskirts of the city. She was far enough out that if a tuft of smoke here or there cropped up, it didn’t matter to the folks around. Eve does have other options and she knows this. But she prefers solitude. 

Now, an out of the way storage unit which freezes in the night is Eve’s homebase. When she’s not with Calum or his kids, she’s here. It’s secure enough and Eve’s not really worried about her own safety too much. She did her work when everyone else was asleep and then managed to use a gym to shower as needed. When Calum called for her, asked her to come and meet his family, she thought it would be short term. Perhaps, he was calling just for some sort of resolve. She worried that maybe he’d gotten sick in addition to Kelsie’s death. But that guess had been wrong. So far, she’d been Earth side consistently for about five months in total. This feels like she’s pushing into something distinctly not short term. She was now needing to consider if she should consider other alternative options to her belongings. Eve didn’t feel like investing in a place to rent. By the time she went through the whole ordeal, she might need to give it all up. She wasn’t going to assume she could move in with Calum. Nor was she going to be the one to ask either. 

And right as she slid down the door on her unit, preparing for her nightly shift in Hell, mostly patrols and checking in on happenings since her last descent, her phone buzzed. What are you doing tonight?

It’s from Calum and Eve tries to bite back her grin as her fingers work over the keyboard. Normal duties that I know of. Did something happen?

She waits, fingers brushing over her keys. The thread sits idle for a beat longer and then Calum’s name pops up on her screen. Eve answers the call without hesitation. “Nothing happened,” he laughs. “Why do you think something’s always happened?”

“I worry,” Eve returns. It’s a simple answer and it’s the truth. Eve does worry. She worries it’s one of the kids. She worries it’s Calum. She worries that even though she keeps thinking her time with Calum will be brief yet again and so far it was proving otherwise she would be right to worry in the end. Why stop worrying now?

“Well, let me be the first to tell you, there’s no reason to worry. I ask because I’d like to take you out tonight on a date. I know it’s very last minute. But can Hell wait one night?”

“My job comes with no guarantees,” Eve laughs, resting her head into the cool metal she’s leaning into. “But I can meet you at your place in, say, an hour. What are the festivities?”

“I can pick you up,” Calum offers. 

Eve snorts. “Calum, all my stuff is in a storage unit almost an hour of the city driving.”

“A storage unit?” The disbelief that paints Calum’s voice is thick. “Why so far?”

“Discretion. Can’t travel between realms with smoke all the time at the place in the middle of a shopping center, can I?” Peace is what Eve doesn’t say. She had a place she could use. It was in the city. Less discretion for sure, but mostly notably it was severely less peaceful. 

“You had an apartment before though.”

“Those are expensive. I’ve done a lot of odd jobs in my time and have more money than I know what to do with, but it doesn’t mean I have to spend it unnecessarily.”

“Where do you shower? Brush your teeth? Charge your phone?”

“Lately, your place.” Calum snorts at the tease and Eve continues on, “When I’m not with you, there’s a gym up the road here.”

“Is-is that working for you? You’re safe right?”

Eve takes in buzzing lights and the echoing hallways of the building around her. She only has clothes, some photos, and her lockbox stashed away. Most of her long standing money from her previous jobs and decades were spread across three different banking branches under various aliases. She could keep turning the assets over to herself every few decades as the granddaughter or daughter of whomever supposedly oversaw the estate previously. It wasn’t hard, though it did take some creativity and perfect timing. 

The only time Eve felt unsafe was when the guy who was escorting her to the unit on the first day she showed up kept checking out her tits. But a perfectly placed foot to trip him up and a bloody nose as Eve hissed above him easily rectified the behavior. He hides in the office when Eve comes in to pay for her unit in cash. 

“I’m safe,” Eve finally answers. “So, a date? What is the occasion?”

“Nothing major. There’s a sushi place about twenty minutes from me.”

“Sushi sounds nice.”

“There’s an ice-cream shop next door too. If you want to go there as well. Feel free to pack a bag of what you need and then you can get ready here instead of going to the gym to use their bathroom.”

Eve turns, back fully resting against the metal door. “Are you flirting with me, sir?”

“Oh, love, I have been flirting with you for ages now. What took you so long to notice?” A gag comes from the background and Eve laughs at the sound of Māra’s voice begging to be spared. “Grow up!” Calum giggles, clearly speaking to Māra. “I don’t gag when you talk boys.”

“I’d never stoop so low as to actually flirt with a guy in front of my own father,” Māra huffs.  “That is where we differ.”

“And which one of us decided to snuggle up next to dear old Dad while he was on the phone, hmm?”

“What?” Māra questions. “I needed snuggles.”

“Everything alright?” Calum’s voice dips. Eve hears how much sincerity is weaved into each word. It's a concern that drives the pause in her and Calum’s conservation so Māra can be tended to and Eve stays silent. She does almost want to offer that Calum can call her back if he needs and that they can raincheck the date. 

“Stupid stuff at school. We can talk later too.”

“Eve, let me call you back. Or we can talk when you show up,” Calum adds the last part and it’s soft. Perhaps, he’s worried Eve will default to stepping aside. 

“How much do you want that dinner date?” Eve asks. 

“How much do you want it?” Calum returns. He’d always want time with her. But Eve knows juggling his responsibilities as a parent were now more pressing than anything else. 

“I can come over. Let Māra know I said hi and that if she needs me, I’m good at avoiding cops.”

Calum laughs. “No, you’re good at egging them on. But I’ll see you when you get here. I think the boys are downstairs. They can let you in.”

“See you then,” Eve whispers and then gives her goodbyes. She slides the door back up, grabbing her gym bag, which is usually always ready to go. Eve digs out a spare pair of jeans and another top--something nicer than her normal. A black bustier top with mesh sleeves. Once she’s satisfied with the clothes for the outing, she double checks for all her necessities. It’s only been a few minutes but as she zips up the bag, she wonders if their outing will make press circuits. 

It’ll have been thirty years since the last time they were spotted out in public by paparazzi. Maybe given the years things would’ve died down for the band. They hadn’t toured in a while from what Eve had gathered--it’d been at least ten years since the last one. Instead they were all focusing on their families. Their last album had only been released two years ago. But their public presence seems to have died down. A lot of them had garnered a lot of respect in producing--Michael and Calum diving in a lot on that front. Ashton worked to collaborate with a lot of artists. Luke worked on some solo music between band albums.  It seemed that the band had its front, but all the members still had space to be something greater than the summation too. 

Eve can’t shake the feeling in the pit of her stomach. If someone does spot them, is this going to open a bigger can of worms? Is this going to undo them?

But there’s something under the worry. As Eve slings the bag over her shoulder and steps back out of her unit, she’s happy. Even if the storm of comments comes their way, at least she has Calum. Eve slides the door to her unit close and locks it back up before walking towards the back doors. She sets off towards the fields and when she gets about twenty yards out, she lets herself go, feels the pull at her bones and she doesn’t fight it until she’s at the bottom of the street to Calum’s house. 

It’s up on a hill and if it weren’t for all Eve’s years of training and her incessant desire to protect herself by any means necessary, she is sure the hill would kill her. It flattens out nicely near the top, but the incline is a gradual pain. It only really hits how high up his place is once the top is reached. There’s a burn in Eve’s thighs that she’s used to as she raps on the front door. “Coming!” she catches on the other side of the door. 

The front door opens to reveal Kiri. “Hey, Eve,” he grins, stepping aside to let her in.

“Hi, Kiri. How are you? Calculus still giving you trouble?”

Kiri snorts. “Semester ends in two weeks and I for one cannot wait to burn the textbook. But it’s going. How are you?”

“Good,” Eve nods. “I can supply kindling if needed,” she teases. 

“Could we try banishing it?”

“We can try,” Eve laughs. Kiri offers her a drink but Eve politely declines. “I think Dad’s in the guestroom. Or his room now it seems.” 

“Hi Eve!” Cailean pokes his head out from the dining area, hand raising in a wave. 

“Hi Cailean. How are you?” Eve shuffles a little deeper into the house, approaching Cailean from behind. She’s careful not to startle him, thankful her keys are still clicking on her belt loop. 

“Crushing it,” he grins. “You? Oh, a spendin’ the night bag? What has dear old Dad convinced you of this time?”

It only takes a quirk of her brow and a blank bored expression for Cailean to apologize. As well as he’d been raised, he always had the jokester streak in him. It had earned him quite a few of Eve’s famous stares. Where his father and his mother both had a pursed lip and stare, Eve’s whole face fell. It caused the rise of her brow to stand out more and pushed her lips into a pout. Cailean didn’t really want to see what would be earned after such a warning if he didn’t backtrack. So the apologies always come immediately. 

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were gunning for trouble,” Eve returns, peering down at the human anatomy book in front of Cailean. 

“Would you believe me if I said you're one of the first people I could make those jokes too without fear of immediate death?” Cailean laughs, capping his highlighter. 

“I mean, I could be tempted.”

He shakes his head with a grin. “I don’t think I need to tempt that fate. But I’m just--I’m glad to see Dad getting back out there. It’s certainly been a strange time since Mom died so suddenly. I think mostly I just didn’t want him to get so focused on us he forgot about himself.”

Eve doesn’t want to state the obvious. Calum had reached out to her with only a few months shy of the year mark. There hadn’t been enough time for Calum to lose himself. But she imagines given just how involved Calum is with his kids the fear Cailean has is that the involvement becomes suffocation. 

“I’ll do my best to keep him out of you all’s hair,” Eve grins, resting a bit into the wall behind her. It’s the wall that separates part of the kitchen from the dining area. Behind her head and to the left she knows there’s a photo of Kelsie and the kids from a Christmas party just three years prior. Eve wonders briefly if they still have the sweaters from the photo.

“You’re doing a perfect job and letting him still be our dad and also keeping him from driving us crazy,” Cailean snorts. 

“You still haven’t said if anything is on your birthday list,” Eve counters. Cailean’s birthday would be approaching two weeks and some change after Christmas. Calum already had the gift Cailean had been eying already for Christmas but was still stumped about his birthday. She’d been asked by Calum to see if she could get anything more specific about him. But she is curious too. Now that her presence was more normal, she didn’t want to just be seen as Calum’s new old partner. Eve respects the family unit that comes with Calum. She respects who the children are as individuals too. “I mean, you’re driving now. You can’t tell me you don’t want anything.”

Cailean shakes his head. “Still a bit shy of a legal first tattoo so, guess we’ll have to wait.”

“Tattoo is easy. Can do that in my sleep. In the meantime, no shiny new rims? Cool leather jacket?” Cailean’s car was by no means fancy. It was a 10 year old Honda. Still new enough that it only had about 89,000 miles on it when it was bought but still old enough that it didn’t cost Calum an arm and a leg to get it. 

“If I’m honest, Eve, I don’t really care for that stuff. Just want time with my family, I guess.”

“Kelsie and Calum have raised you too well.” Eve pushes off the wall, one hand gently brushing over Cailean’s shoulder. “Pick a restaurant. Wherever you want. My treat.”

“Oh, Eve, I can’t,” he starts, scooting now so he’s facing her from the seated position he’s in in the chair. The head shake no is insistent. 

“None of that. Pick a restaurant. Wherever you want to go. It’s my treat. My birthday gift to you.”

“Does this mean you’ll come?” Cailean asks. 

Eve tilts her head a little, trying to assess what the gaze means, if she actually heard something like hope in the question. “Do you want me to join?”

“I thought you were the Devil, not a vampire who needed permission all the time. Yes, I’d like you to come.” 

It’s a jab Eve should’ve seen coming, but still Cailean’s quip makes her snort, choking just a little on the laugh. “I never want to assume,” she returns, catching her breath. “But by god, you do sound like Calum’s twin.”

“Apparently, Kelsie and I have raised them too well,” Calum states. He stands right at the edge of the living room that feeds into the dining area. He folds his arms across his chest and Eve makes a point not to look below his eyes. Undoubtedly, Calum’s wearing a white t-shirt and jeans. Even if he wore a shirt over the undershirt or just wore the undershirt, it would pull tight across his chest and the last thing Eve needed was the sight of Calum’s chest and biceps burned into her retinas in front of his children. He hadn’t let the workouts go. Though it is clear where age made him soft ever so slightly around his stomach, the gym kept his chest and arms in great shape. 

“Consider it a compliment,” Eve returns, crossing the room to stand in front of Calum. 

Calum takes Eve in for a moment. Her usual uniform of jeans and t-shirt were replaced with leggings and a looser blouse. It’s clear she was ready to head back down when he called. But he tries not to stare too long at the V in the shirt, the way her cleavage presses up into the cotton of the shirt. “Consider it taken as one. Did you still need to get ready before we head out? Or have my sons cornered you for good?”

Eves shakes her head with a grin. “I am never cornered. I’ll be ready in fifteen.” The kiss is soft that they share, chaste in how lightly their lips touch. Eve slips down the hallway to the guestroom, knocking before she peers her head inside. Where she might’ve anticipated Māra to still be stretched across the bed, the room is empty. 

Just as Eve’s stepping out from the quick shower, she can hear the click and drag of hangers from the closet. Calum, she assumes. It’s not much effort to get into the jeans but she does crack open the bathroom door, head peering out to the sight of Calum slipping his arms into a navy blue button up. “Cal, can you help me with the zipper?”

He freezes for a moment. Not because he’s upset. But because Eve had not called him anything other than his full name since she returned. “What did you call me?” He grins, turning to face her. 

“If you’re not going to behave, I will leave.” 

He crosses the distance to her, slipping his last arm through the sleeve. “It’s just good to hear from you. Missed it.” 

It’s only a whisper from Calum’s lips. But Eve hears it. Calum takes her hips into his hands and turns her around. Eve goes, one hand still holding the bustier to her body. “I hope you haven’t missed much,” Eve returns. The mirror above the sink reflects all of her face and just part of Calum’s profile. But she watches him in the mirror. The zipper catches and drags upwards, securing the top to her body. 

“It’s taken me slowing down each day to really know what I’ve missed. You’re among the list of things and people.”

“Oh, I’m no people,” Eve laughs. 

“But you’ve still been missed.” Calum kisses her temple, hands slipping over her bare shoulders and then around her neck. His arms follow the extended path of her chest and shoulder. Eve falls back into his chest. He traces the line of her face, down to her jaw, in kisses. 

“My tits too,” she snorts, referring to his earlier gaze. 

“You wore the V-neck,” Calum laughs. “You expect me not to look at your tits when they’re begging for attention.”

“They are most certainly not begging for anything!”

“I certainly beg to differ.” Calum presses another kiss to her cheek before pulling himself up to his full height. Calum guides Eve deeper into the bathroom, and turns so they’re both facing the mirror. “Anything else you need help with?”

“No, I think I’m okay. Just need to get shoes on.”

“Avoiding lipstick and mascara is probably a good idea.” The words come from deep in Calum’s chest and Eve watches his gaze drop from the mirror to her in front of him. 

“There you go again, misbehaving,” Eve reprimands, but pushes her hips back just a little into Calum’s crotch. It doesn’t shock her when she realizes he’s half hard. “But I’ve decided not to invest in too much makeup, in all honesty. Need the bags under my eyes to keep up with you.”

Calum snorts, fingers teasing at the exposed sides underneath Eve’s top. She pushes deeper into the arch. Not quite bent over the counter, but holding her weight up by her arms into it. “Yeah, what are you doing with an old fart like me anyway?”

“What can I say? I like them older.”

Calum finds the front of Eve’s chest, palms flat against the press of the bustier against her breasts and hauls her up. Her back flush into his chest. She drops her head to the side a little and Calum leans in, lips brushing ever so gently at the skin of her jaw. “Yeah, I’m the one robbing the cradle here. But you’re the one misbehaving now,” he whispers. 

Eve shrugs, tracing the veins in Calum’s hands with the tips of her nails. “Sue me.”

Calum’s laughter is soft, an exhale mostly from his nose. His lips paint another kiss to her skin. “While you may not need food to survive, I, for one, am hungry. But I won’t forget your behavior, kitten.”

“Let’s go before you starve,” Eve returns, turning to kiss Calum’s cheek too. She does specifically let the new nickname which has never come up between them before go. Maybe it would grow on her. Maybe it’s an honest mistake and Eve’s not about to make it more awkward. “First, do you want help with that?” she questions, hand slipping up between their bodies to cup Calum’s erection. 

“No, because you help me with that we will never make it to dinner.”

Eve concedes, but not without a slight squeeze and then peels herself out of Claum’s hold. Calum shakes his head at the taunt, but flicks off the light. Originally thinking of buttoning the shirt up, he opts to leave it fully undone but tucks his undershirt into the tops of his jeans. Eve follows behind Calum back to the front of the house. One of his hands is wrapped around hers, the other grabs the keys from the rack near the front door. 

“Oh, that’s cute!” The words are accompanied by a soft tap on Eve’s arm. 

Eve turns to Māra’s compliment and smiles. “Thank you.”

“Where’d you get it?”

“Oh, it’s been years since I bought it, I think. But I think there’s a place in the mall that has something similar. I noticed it when I went to get new boots.”

“Dad would have a heart attack.”

“You’re fourteen. Of course I would have a heart attack,” Calum interjects. 

“My birthday is in three months. You let me buy the platforms!”

“Mar, those were shoes. The soles are as thick as my waist. Shoes and tops are different battles.” Calum’s stare is pointed. It’s as if he’s begging Māra to disagree with him. 

Māra sighs, passing a gaze to Eve. “See what I mean.”

Eve’s not sure if she should side with Calum or try to win with Māra. Because while the top isn’t at all scandalous, it does expose all of Eve’s shoulders, the upper part of her back, and it has cut-out on the sides. It covers the important bites, but it might be a bit much for someone young. “There’s also other cute stuff at the store,” Eve settles on. “The sort of things that won’t give your dad a heart attack. Do you like blazers? They had a cute red one, studded collar, sleeveless. Full length,” Eve tacks on, looking up to Calum. He squeezes her hands in thanks. 

“This weekend, we could go? Only if you want of course.” Eve offers to Māra. 

Māra looks over to Calum. “Can I?”

“If I’m not there, I need pictures. We are not doing any surprises,” he counters. 

“I mean at that point, just come,” Māra laughs. 

“Well, I,” Calum starts. It would be one of the first times that Māra had initiated more than a conversation with Eve. It would be a full on excursion. It would give them time to bond. He doesn’t want to intrude on that. 

Eve squeezes his hand, effectively cutting him off. “If Kiri or Cailean have to call me because they had to give you CPR, I don’t think I could take it. Just come.”

Calum nods. “Saturday? Your teeth cleaning is on Friday, tomorrow” he states to Māra. 

“You’re the one driving me,” Māra laughs. 

Calum sighs. “No, I mean I’m not sure if going tomorrow is a good idea because you get grumpy after the dentist.” Māra hadn’t loved the dentist since she had to get a filling back in elementary. She complained about the ache in her jaw for a week and has since made it a personal mission to never have another cavity again. If Māra’s given anything other than a nearly perfect visit, she pouts. Even still. Calum had to learn all the tricks to keep her happy--that do not include offering her anything sugar related. 

Māra bats her eyelashes up at Calum. “Shopping could make me less grumpy. I think it would lift my spirits, actually. Clean bill of health for my teeth and then a little treat.”

Eve snorts. “Tomorrow is okay with me--potential for grumpiness and all.”

“Tomorrow,” he agrees, kissing Māra’s forehead. “Don’t kill your brothers while I’m gone, okay?”

“No promises,” Māra giggles. 

“Remember where we keep the lye?” Calum teases. Māra nods with a thumbs up. Calum calls out to Kiri and Cailean over his shoulder to keep an eye out. It’s only outside in the slight breeze of the air that Calum turns to Eve. “Should we get a jacket for you?”

“I’m okay,” Eve laughs, but Calum’s shrugging out of his leather jacket and draping it over her shoulders. “Now you’re going to be cold.”

“Nurse me back to health when I get sick, yeah?”

“Happily,” Eve grins, taking his hand again.

“I’m sorry about calling you kitten earlier. It’s-it's a habit, I guess.” A habit he built with Kelsie. Not one he had with Eve. He’d noticed the mistake as soon as he let the pet name slip. But Eve hadn’t reacted poorly. Calum just needs to clear the air. 

Eve accepts the apology, the words dying on her throat that he doesn’t have to apologize. Calum would apologize. He always would. Perhaps sometimes the biggest grace Eve could give Calum was accepting the apology even if she never needed it. Calum did. That’s the thing that matters. 

The drive to the restaurant is relatively short, light conversation about Calum’s day at work. Calum makes doubly sure that Eve’s okay with the storage unit system she currently has. Though he’s more than sure she is capable of looking out for herself, he doesn’t love the idea that she’s not at least inside the city, close to a densely populated area. Eve manages to convince Calum to let things remain as they are for the moment, but the conversation naturally would be revisited. 

They get seated relatively quickly in the restaurant and Calum ensures to pull out Eve’s seat and she settles, shrugging out of the jacket draped over her shoulders. Out of habit, she glances down at the menu, though Eve’s already sure what she would order to appease the setting. As the waters are filled, Calum reaches over to take Eve’s hand. “You sure you’re okay with me crashing the shopping date on tomorrow?” Calum asks, thumb stroking over the top of her hand. 

Eve nods. “You just want to keep your little girl safe and I think it would be good for me to know the limits. For clothing. Clearly I’m not a good judge.”

“I try to give her some slack, you know. Soon she’ll be buying her own clothes without  Dad’s approval and I just want her to be responsible.”

“Yeah, eventually, she’ll be sneaking bags inside of bags,” Eve teases. 

“Do not give her any ideas, please.” Calum squeezes at her hand. “Thank you. For understanding. You did great, you know?”

“What-what do you mean?”

“With the blazer. I must admit I was prepared to be outnumbered. But when you offered an alternative I was pleasantly surprised.”

“I can’t overstep your rules, Calum.” 

“I know it matters to you that you aren’t overstepping. But still—I really appreciate you offering an alternative. You saw how much it mattered to Māra and you saw what mattered to me. Your negotiation skills are quite sharp.” 

Eve tries to keep the blush at bag. Her reaction only felt right. It only felt like the right thing to do. She didn’t think it was that spectacular. But her cheeks warm at the tenderness in Calum’s gaze. “Thank you.” 

“No, thank you.” 

The conversation lulls just a little, but it feels normal. There’s no need to force conversation. Eve takes in the slight deflation of Calum’s cheeks. Where in his youth his cheeks had been full and rosy, as he’s aged they’ve fallen just a little. It’s nothing extremely noticeable in a fast glance. But Eve knows Calum who is thirty years younger. She catches the way age has graced his features. 

“You’re staring,” Calum teases, looking up to her from beneath his lashes. 

“You’re handsome,” Eve returns with ease.

The sentiment shouldn’t make Calum blush, but it does. The heat spread across his face. He’s sure his cheeks, if one could get close enough, are tinted just a little with the rush. Not red, but possibly a really faint pink and Calum laughs. “You sure do know how to make a man blush.”

“I know a lot of other things too.”

“Smooth,” Calum returns. “Criminal, because we are in public, and I was told I needed to behave.”

“I didn’t set any rules and expectations for myself. It’s a shame, really. Don’t you think?”

The taunting is cut short by their need to order. Calum orders for the both of them. It’s as the teases return that Calum finds himself reminded that this part is easy. The dating, talking about each other’s day, filling each other in on the happens since their last deep conversation is all easy. He is allowed to find comfort in the ease of their laughter. For the first time since he’d called Eve to come back into his life, Calum feels like this might’ve been the right choice all along. 

Back in the breeze of the night, they walk side by side, hand in hand. The evening is calm as it can be. There’s still the sounds of sirens, the honk of someone’s car in the distance. But it feels a bit easier to be out in public with Eve. Partially it’s because Calum knows there’s very few paps that still feel the need to follow his every move anymore. Not that there were many paps for a long stretch there, but their first run at a relationship was notably marked by photographers awaiting the perfect snap. Now his band and fame is an old flame. Which means as he directs the both of them to the ice cream place a few stores down, he doesn’t think long about if someone will recognize either him or Eve. 

“For someone so busy, you’re still finding time to keep your hair dyed,” Calum comments, taking in the emerald green ends. “I don’t think you got to green the last time.”

“I go through phases,” Eve returns, spoon digging at the sides of her bowl to get more sprinkles on her spoon. 

“Any color you want next?”

“Maybe blue again? Not sure. Depending on how this strips when I remove it, it might be mint green or yellow next.”

Calum nods, working the cherry from the stem with his tongue. “Used to say I would dye my gray hairs,” he offers. 

Eve catches there might be more behind the sentiment so she quirks her brow. “I don’t see any dye.”

“Never got around to it. Think I should start?”

“No,” she returns swiftly. “I don’t think you should.”

Calum laughs around the cherry he’s working down. When he’s mouth is free of the mashed fruit, he continues on, “Why’s that?”

Eve offers a tiny shrug. “Like I said, you’re handsome. Why would you need to hide getting older?”

“I mean, men aren’t told to care that much about their looks. But it’s not easy. I really thought I’d get out of California when I had kids. Town’s not good for ‘em. Everyone’s obsessed with the way they look. It’s not hard to start thinking maybe you need to care too.”

“A place like this can easily breed insecurities,” Eve agrees. Her spoon scrapes up the last dregs of her sundae. “It doesn’t seem like the town won out, though?”

Calum’s natural reaction is to laugh it off, but Eve’s eyes are narrowed in and assessing. He runs a hand through the hair, the curls wrapping around themselves before sitting back in the chair. “It’s hard with kids. They come first a lot of the times. Whatever’s going on with me just sort of defaults to not important enough. You notice it though. When the pants fit a little too tight or the hole you used to wear a belt on goes up by one or two, you notice. I used to think I’ll get to it. When things settle down, I’ll get back to where I was. I still go to the gym 4 times a week. I’m not sitting on my ass all day long. My knees would protest me if I did. But it hit me, ten years ago now, I think, there’s no going back. The body I had at eighteen, twenty, hell even thirty is long gone. I won’t ever be him again.”

Calum pauses, glancing out of the window they’re sitting next to. In the reflection due to the lights inside and lack of lights outside, Calum watches as Eve shuffles in closer, leaning onto the table. He doesn’t give into her silent invitation. “The pants just have to go at some point. They start taking up too much closet space. Sure the slight graying in the stubble or in my hair doesn’t really strike me initially. I’m too busy worried about the gut to worry about the hair. But then, I’m at the beach and there’s this guy older than me still cut and I think that’s the first moment where it sort of click for me. I really wasn’t going to get that body back and spending my time wishing for it doesn’t actually do anything about it. But what makes that man feel like he has to look like he’s still twenty five. I wasn’t even that cut at twenty five. I was toned. But then I look at what my body has always been and it becomes this thing. It’s always in the back of my mind. I’ve never had the washboard abs and I keep seeing everyone around me with them. These guys are half my age and I still want to win the body image race. I’m not going to. But I want to.”

Calum shakes his head for a moment, eyes finally drifting up to Eve’s. “This probably makes no sense.”

She shakes her head. “No, no, you can tell me. You can keep going.”

“It’s boring. Really. In the end I’m here. This is the only body I’m going to get so hating it feels like a waste of the very limited time I do have.”

“So no hair dye?”

Calum grins, head shaking again with a no. “Again, I could spend my time in a salon getting it dyed or I could get the grocery shopping done. I’m going to get the grocery shopping done. Easy choice. I could work out 5 times a week or I could have an extra hour in my day for a nap, or errands, or seeing my friends, or going on a date with you. I think I’m going to take that extra hour back in my day. I break it all down to choice: I could choose to keep spending time loathing and wallowing in self pity or I can do literally anything else on my to-do list. I try to eat healthy. I keep active. And I want to enjoy my life.”

“Damn, here I was thinking the only enjoyment in life was wallowing in self-pity,” Eve reclines back into her seat too now, fingers spinning her empty bowl around in circles. 

“Yeah, I’ll be the first to tell you there’s a lot more to be doing.”

“Like eating ice cream,” Eve offers. She gestures to Calum’s own cup that’s not quite finished. 

“Absolutely like eating ice cream.” Calum reaches back out for his cup and pulls it up to his chest. 

“It’s a problem I’d kill to have.” Eve says the sentence mostly to herself given the audience of the teen couples in the ice cream shop. A couple groups look like friends enjoying the cold sugary treat. But Eve keeps the confession quiet enough that she can almost watch the words fall from her lips into the empty cup beneath her as she sits up more in the seat. Though she’d learned that her predicament was not changing long ago, it doesn’t mean that she didn’t occasionally want something else.

“Guess we will always want what we can’t have,” Calum answers though there was no real question. Eve will always want to age and never have it. Calum will want to stay young and can’t have it. The two of them will always desire each other eternally and Calum is merely mortal. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to call desire a poison?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t call this desire one.”

Eve watches. Calum’s working down the scoop from his spoon. Is he referring to the desire between the two of them? Is he referring to the ice cream? Most often Eve could always read behind the words that Calum was giving. But given the way he’s hungrily scoping down the sugary treat, Eve’s not sure where Calum’s word lay. “Me or the ice cream?” she questions.

“Why not both?” Calum clarifies. “Why box me in?”

“I’d never do such a thing. But it was important to clarify.” She doesn’t bite back the smile. “Want another?”

Calum shakes his head. “What I want isn’t on the menu.”

Eve sighs at the taste of chocolate still sitting on Calum’s tongue when he laps into her mouth. The metal of the car presses into the bare skin of Eve’s back and the coldness cuts through the haze that’s descending. Though her fingers are digging at Calum’s waist, tugging him closer into her body and her hips widening to accept him, the cold metal keeps Eve grounded. They’re still in public. There’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed. But Eve wants nothing more than to crawl into Calum’s chest and never leave. The warmth of his touch sears her skin and she’s nearly forgotten how much her body was made for him. 

Calum’s moan is swallowed down by the wet smacking of Eve’s lips against his. His muscles ache with how much he’s demanding himself to keep his hands in appropriate places. But it’s tempting. He could so easily take one of her hips into his palms. He remembers how snug he can hold her flesh and it barely leaves a mark. He could take her ass into his hands, hoist her up onto his waist, rut up into her and she’d sigh. It all comes back exactly what Eve likes. Calum doesn’t do anything if that; he behaves. Calum moves one hand and only one to cup Eve’s neck. His fingers splay over her pulse point and he can find the erratic thump of her veins against his fingers. 

When he squeezes, just slightly, Eve drops her head back causing her lips to pull away from his. Calum grins against her mouth, hovering but never quite sealing around hers. Eve grins too, slipping her hands to press into the cut of Calum’s own hips, still above his jeans but dangerous enough that Calum knows what she’s hinting at. “Ah, there she is,” Calum teases. “Now, see if you had a place of your own, this next part would be much less complicated.”

Eve says nothing. Her throat is still cupped in Calum’s hold. Calum realizes now she has nothing to say because she’s digging into his chest pocket. His keys click as she brandishes them. “Trust me?”

Of course, Eve has connections. If Calum was ever to need something, Eve could somehow always get her hands on it. He’d stopped asking questions on how she managed to have such an ability but there is a certain level of trust he has to have with her. “I do,” Calum answers. 

Eve unlocks the car, free hand finding the door handle. As it clicks open and Eve steps forward, Calum lets his hands on her fall. “Sit back and relax,” she commands, holding the door open for Calum. 

He leans over the door to plant another kiss to her lips. As he slides into the passenger seat, Eve closes the door for him. She’s quick to jog around the front of the car. Her descent into the seat is a bit more graceful than Calum’s. She adjusts the seat up closer to the steering wheel with a chuckle. “God, I know you’re taller than me but how do you manage to sit so far back from the wheel?” Eve teases. 

“Not everyone has to drive up on the steering wheel like they’re driving Miss Daisy.” Foot on the brake, Eve pushes to start the ignition. Her hand comes up to swat at Calum’s arm but he captures it before it fully connects. His lips leave a trail of kisses before he place the limb near the gear shift. A sign for her to continue. 

The streets are smooth and Calum’s just barely keeping up the turns. He’s focused more on the way Eve seems to sit with ease. His legs continue to bounce the longer the drive goes. What if he’s not what Eve remembers him as? He had aged. Still in good shape, but he was not in the same shape that he had been half his life ago. His knees sometimes bother him. Many years of punk jumps will inevitably catch up on the body. Sure Calum had confessed in the ice cream shop that he was worried about his appearance. Yes, Calum still wants Eve sexually. But it’s hitting him as they wind through the streets that it might leave her dissatisfied. 

The car pulls to a stop, a hanging red light in front of them. The touch is light on his cheek and Calum turns into it. Eve’s thumb strokes his flesh slowly. “Don’t get lost up there,” she whispers. 

“I’m okay,” Calum states. He wants to believe it too. He needs to believe that he’s okay. 

“It’s okay if you’re not. But I need you to stay down here with me, okay?” Eve’s smile is sweet. 

Calum nods, throat seizing up on him just a little but he has enough air to respond, “Okay.”

The light turns green and Eve drops her hand to his knee before taking off. In another block, they pull into a parking lot of a hotel. Calum snorts, upon seeing the building. “There were cheaper motels much closer to my house.”

“Let me spoil you,” Eve sighs. They climb out of the car together. Eve waits at the back of the car, hand extended out. Calum takes it with ease. Eve’s strides are long enough to keep up with Calum’s. “Now, follow my lead. And don’t under any circumstances think that you should reach for your wallet at any point during the check in.”

“Eve I’m not going to let you--”

“Don’t,” she interrupts. “Lean a bit more into me, okay?” Eve slides her arm around his waist dropping the hold on her hand. Calum rests a tiny bit more of his weight into Eve’s frame. The door slides open and the lobby is incredibly cold. The rush of hair cuts through the two shirts Calum is wearing. Eve opted to drop his jacket off in the car between them finishing their food and going into the shop. Calum hadn’t even thought to grab it on the way out of the car. He realizes just how cold it is when Eve rubs her palm over her back. His fingers are digging into her shoulders. 

“Welcome to The Rosewood,” the girl at the front desk greets. “Do you two have a reservation already?”

“My husband and I have been driving through the night. He got tired driving and now so am I. Would you happen to have a room available? I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience,” Eve starts. 

Calum’s grateful for the tiny bit of Eve’s warmth seeping into his clothes. He gives a tiny grin when the girl looks up at him and he realizes now--something else swirls in her irises. Like the purple swirls in Eve’s. 

“Your husband?” the girl repeats, slower and with something like surprise coloring the words. Calum can’t tell if she was expecting something to happen in the exchanged glances; had he given himself away as not one of them? 

“Second chances,” Eve returns, tightening her hold on his waist just a little. 

Did this girl already know about Calum? He’d never seen her before, not that he remembers at least. The joke Kiri made about Calum’s memory resurfaces. But now, Calum is sure after noticing the red swirling in her eyes that he’d remember that. He remembered Eve. 

The girl taps at her keyboard, mouse clicking several times before she turns to a machine--two keycards in her hand. Calum’s been at plenty of hotels to know that they should’ve asked how many beds, what size. But none of that was discussed. There’s no conversation about the per night charge. As the keys one at a time hover over the machine, it beeps to let the attendant know the cards have been magnetized and properly keyed for the right room. 

The girl smiles as she slides over both keys. “11th floor. 1125.”

Eve takes the cards from the counter. “Thank you.”

“Should we adjust the heat in the room for your guest?”

Eve nods. “Just a little.”

“Consider it done. Enjoy your stay, my liege.” 

Eve’s quick on her heel to guide Calum towards the elevators. But he glances back, noticing the girl speaking into a walkie. Enjoy your stay, my liege. The words echo around in Calum’s brain, so much so he doesn’t even catch the ding of the elevator. He walks in because Eve pulls him through. 

“What is this place?” Calum questions as the doors close. “Do you own this place?”

“It’s a hotel,” Eve replies. “Which services all people and some creatures as needed.”

“So she is?” He doesn’t really finish the question: So, she is a demon too? 

Eve nods. “Yes, she is. There’s covers all over the world. I opened them because I can’t answer every single call. I can’t keep tabs single handedly. But there are plenty of calls that are just not worth it. It’s all legitimate. You don’t need to worry about getting caught up, though.”

“But they know me?”

“They do. And they know you and your family are off limits. I have very little time for servers who think it’s fun to use humans as play things. They create problems. I vet rigorously and it only takes one offense with me. I have rules for a reason.”

Calum hears everything else that she doesn’t say. “Because you need people you trust when you’re with me.”

“Exactly. I don’t want to be worried no work is getting done. I don’t want to be worried that there’s trouble when I’m with you.” The elevator lurches to a stop and the doors slide open. 

Calum follows behind Eve this time. So Eve has hotel fronts--which are legitimate hotels. Calum assumes so because Eve says so and because as she starts down the hallway someone else draped in a robe shuffles down past them--ice bucket in hand. They smile as Calum and Eve pass, hardly interrupting the tune they’re whistling. No strange color swirls in their eyes. Not that Calum thinks anyone would just go out and about with that aspect constantly visible.

“Why don’t you stay here?” 

“It’s not like I need a place to sleep.” 

“But you’d have an actual room and bed here. Your stuff would be safer.”

Eve pauses at their door. 1125 stared back at Calum. It reminds him briefly of how close his and Cailean’s birthdays are. “Are you concerned about my things or are you concerned about me?”

“You,” Calum returns, turning her by her hips. “I am always concerned about you.”

“I’m safe, Calum.”

“But you would be safer here.”

“I can think of one other place I’m safer,” Eve whispers, pushing slightly up on her tiptoes. 

“Where’s that?” Calum whispers back. The door clicks open and Eve grins as she steps into the room backwards. It only takes one crook of her finger for Calum to follow. Whatever concerns had about her safety are overridden by desire. 

The room is warm--thankfully so. They only flicker on the bedside lamp. And Calum’s not really sure who turned it on. The only thing he can focus on is the way Eve tastes. He listens for every sigh she releases. He zeroes in on the way she clings to him. It makes his toes curl to still be desired. Calum’s overshirt is the first to go. Eve runs her fingers over his biceps, eyes focusing in on the ink. Some of it she’s always known was there. Other items are new. Her nails scratch lightly at the black ink. “You with me?” Calum whispers into her jaw. 

“Yes,” Eve exhales, chasing his lips down again. 

The kiss is broken by Calum’s one word response, “Good.”

Calum’s breath leaves him as Eve peels herself out of the top. She stands next to the edge of the bed, arms peeling out of the mesh sleeves. The top falls almost quietly onto the carpeted floor and Calum’s mouth salivates at the sight of her breasts. He grips her hips and tug. Eve laughs as she falls into him, catching herself by holding onto his shoulder. The warmth of his tongue over her nipples causes her to moan. She loves it. Loves the way that Calum whispers into his skin, So beautiful. So fucking beautiful. She’s not sure if Calum wants the words to mean something more, but she doesn’t have the brain to ask as he holds her tight. 

Her pants slide down next and Eve stands bare. 

“Oh my god,” Calum laughs, dragging a hand down over his face. “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.”

“Hmm, almost,” Eve asks. She straddles his hips, fingers teasing at the pulled up hem of his undershirt. “Can I take this off you?”

It’s the question he knew was coming. He would have to eventually, right? That was the expectation for him. He would have to take his shirt off. 

“You don’t have to say yes,” Eve continues on when Calum’s eyes fall from her face. “We can stop here.”

Calum ties his arms around her waist, forearms griped into the hand of the other at her back. “I don’t want to stop here,” he starts. The rest of the words die on his tongue for a moment. “I don’t have the body I did all those years ago, okay?”

“You don’t have the body you did all those years ago,” Eve returns. “Can I let you in on a secret?”

Calum nods, eyes falling back to her face. “Of course.”

“I don’t expect you to. I don’t want you to. I want where Calum is now--thirty years later, three kids later, a whole life span later. I want you for where you are now. Can I have that? Where you are now?”

 Calum kisses her--there are no words in his throat to convey the relief that floods his body. He can do that. It’s where he is now and that’s all she wants. Calum can do that. He parts the kiss and sheds the undershirt. He feels more vulnerable her now, under the watchful gaze that Eve levels him with. But she smiles. “Lay back for me.”

Her hands are on his shoulders and Calum gives into the non-existence pressure, letting himself fall back into the mattress. Eve bends forward just a little, arms holding her weight up above Calum. “You’re handsome you know? So fucking handsome,” she adds before pressing a kiss to Calum’s clavicle. She traces down to his peck, then kisses the other side. Her kisses continue all across the expanse of his chest. She even goes so far as to tease one of his nipples. 

Calum grunts at the sensation, but the warmth of her mouth makes him feel like he’s going to float away. He loves it. “Thank you,” he exhales each time Eve breathes her praise into his skin.

She kisses over his stomach. Calum tries to retract whenever she takes a bite, laughing just a little at the antic. “You should’ve eaten more at the restaurant if you were this hungry,” Calum laughs. 

“Oh you’re more delicious.” 

Calum is softer in her hold. But she adores the way when she presses in and it’s still firm, but still soft too. It reminds her that Calum’s lived an entire life. One that he deserved to have. He deserves to be happy. He deserves to be fulfilled in his life, in all the ways that he wanted. Eve can feel her own arousal leaking from her as she takes in the sight of Calum beneath her. Calum’s hands run lazily over her thighs. 

“Your jeans are going to be ruined,” Eve warns. 

Calum traces the line of her stomach down and reaches between her legs. Her slick drips down on his fingers. “It’s a good thing they can be washed.”

Eve tries to keep her composure. But Calum teases her clit with the tips of his fingers, slow circles and it punches her gut. She clenches around nothing knowing what will come next. Calum watches the way her breathing picks up, becomes heavier and quicker above him. He continues on, small small circles. “Please,” she whispers. 

“Please what, love?”

Eve takes his wrist and moves his hand back a little. His fingers now just below her opening. “Are you really going to make me beg?”

Calum pushes up to one elbow. He traces her opening and her grip loosens. “Maybe.”

“Calum,” she exhales. “Please.”

Calum brings one finger up and when it slides in easily, he thinks twice and then removes it, before slipping two digits inside. Eve falls forward just a little, a yelp scratching over her throat. Her hips grind down before she can stop herself. Calum relaxes back down into the mattress grinning at Eve sighs. He takes her left hip into his free hand, guiding her back up. 

She tastes heavenly. Calum hums around the two digits in his mouth. Though he can see the disappointment on her face, Eve doesn’t utter anything. She just watches Calum, pupils blown almost fully. “Come here,” Calum huffs out, pulling at her knees. Eve goes, crawling on her hands and knees up Calum’s body. 

He pulls her down onto his mouth, arms hooking around her legs to hold her in place. The first swipe of his tongue earns him a content hum. Like Eve’s been waiting desperately for this and Calum realizes the only thing he cares about right now is that sound. Swipe after swipe, Calum works her so she sighs and moans above him. 

Eve cards her fingers through his hair, legs tensing a little beneath her. The orgasm is fast approaching. It starts deep from the pit of her stomach, spreading like fire throughout her chest and limbs. The work of Calum’s tongue has her hanging between her earthly surroundings and pure ecstasy. She feels the steady march of her release shaking her core and she can only find it within herself to grind down on Calum’s face. “Shit,” she whispers. “Cal. I’m--”

The words die. She can’t get them out, not with how deep her orgasm comes from her gut. Her jaw goes slack and though a scream should fall from her lips, she is silent. Her grip tightens in Calum’s hair and he knows. Her spasms are erratic and her legs are quivering. Calum knows she’s coming undone and a little bit of pride sparks in his chest. He’s still got it. He can still make Eve buckle like this. For the moment by doubts are quieted. 

Though Eve’s still blinking back to the surface from her own post orgasm haze, she shimmies back down Calum’s body, placing kisses as she goes. She gets one hand onto the buckle of his belt and then pauses. “May I?”

It only takes a nod. Eve’s work is quick as she undoes the buckle. Her fingers are deft on the button and zipper. Eve works his pants down, underwear in her grasp too, and Calum exhales when she kisses his shaft. Her laughter is soft before she continues on, disrobing him completely. Calum’s trying to keep himself grounded. But Eve’s touch keeps taking him away. Her lips are soft around his length. She holds his hips down with her palms and Calum’s sure his whole lead is going to float off.

Not that Calum thinks he wants his head back back if it does fall off his shoulders. He wants nothing back if Eve took it. And God, is she taking everything as she grasps the base of his cock with one hand and her lips wrapping around the rest. There’s no hesitation as she takes him down her throat. Even behind the dark of his closed eyelids, Calum feels everything. If this is what it means to be a goner, Calum never wants to be found. 

“One sec-” Calum huffs, the strong tug of Eve’s hand at his length cutting off his words. Now, he’s laying between her legs, a slow shift from the blow job she’d started to the top of the bed. They both know where they are headed and Eve is the more impatient one of the two of them currently. She pouts when Calum breaks the kiss. “One second,” he whispers, pulling away from Eve. 

She lets her arms fall from around his neck and watches as he shuffles back to the edge of the bed, moving from between her legs which they’d been in for what feels like hours. There’s something more wildly intimate about sharing breaths and reverent kisses than engaging in anything else. There’s something more intimate just being close to someone that Calum hadn’t had in a long time he wants to experience the most. Sex is great, but when Eve kisses at his neck gently and when she laughs Calum feels like he’s never lost anything. He feels a little bit more complete. Calum finds his pants again, rooting into the front pocket. 

“What are you looking for?”

Calum holds up the tiny foil packet, brows furrowing as he looks back at Eve. He’d gotten a vasectomy after Māra’s birth, about a year later he’d figured. But Calum is nothing if not cautious. Nothing was fully preventative and though he loves his kids he is well past the diaper phases with all of them. He has zero desire to return to that. Eve grins, her laughter shaking her shoulders. They hold each other’s gaze for one moment, then two. Calum’s gaze breaks first, brows shooting up on his face. His own amusement paints his face. “You--that’s right!”

“Unless you feel more comfortable with a condom, of course. I haven’t had any other partners in a while.”

“Like what—what’s a while for you? six months?” Calum guesses. “You don’t have to spare my feelings, you know?”

“Like try a year and a half, maybe two,” Eve laughs. 

“Babe,” Calum coos. “A year and a half?”

“It didn’t kill me. Don’t pity me.”

Calum settles back onto the bed, motioning for her to come to him. Eve slides over and sits next to him, legs tucked under herself. “It’s not pity, Eve. The condom--it's a habit. And I never expected you to be out here celibate forever. It’s just--a year and a half? What were you waiting on?”

“You.”

“If that’s just a line, it’s a damn good one.”

Eve tips Calum’s chin up and her grip tightens on the bone. “It is not, nor will it ever be a line.” Calum knows that look ne tone. Every word is serious. Every syllable is truth. “Now bring you and your condom over here, please.”

“With pleasure,” Calum exhales. 

Calum thinks for a moment he’s not going to make it long. He hadn’t lost all his stamina, but Eve pulses around him in a way that makes him worried about how long it’s been since the last time he was with someone that he’s going to come embarrassingly quick. There wouldn’t be any judgment, but the fear prickles up just a little for Calum as his hips snap against hers. He’s able to quiet it mostly he zeros in on Eve. He gets to watch her face contort and he gets to listen to every praise all because of him. And that’s all because of him. He’s making Eve feel that good. 

Any fear he might’ve had is almost instantly squashed by the way Eve clings to him. How can he be worried about anything else when she’s begging for him? How can he doubt anything when Eve’s babbling beneath him? It’s incoherent and Calum knows it’s all because of him. There’s no higher higher than listening to Eve beg on his cock. 

Except for when Eve can see the slight falter and if it’s because of how close he is or because of the exertion catching up, Eve doesn’t question it. She just gets a tighter grip on Calum, plants one foot down onto the mattress and pushes up. Calum holds onto her waist and lets her take him down. “Let me,” she whispers into his ear. “Let me do the hard work now.”

Calum can only nod. The prickle of fear comes back and he nearly curses his body for getting older. He can’t fully form the thought because Eve pushes back up from his chest and sinks back down onto his length in one fluid motion. Calum can only see stars. Perhaps, this is the higher high. Eve’s bounce is intoxicating, a deliciously methodical pace that doesn't feel overwhelming though the pressure is slowly and steadily building in Calum’s gut. He hears her laughs and it doesn’t feel malicious. “Look at you,” she coos. “Tell me, how does it feel?”

Calum’s mouth gapes, he wants to say it feels so good. But the words catch as she gives a particularly firm push back down. “So fucking good,” he squeaks out, taking her hips into his hands. 

“Bet it does,” Eve exhales. Her breathing is coming out more labored, bordering on a pant, but she doesn’t relent. 

Calum’s tells are still the same, Eve notices. His nose scrunches up first and then his fingers dig into the meat of her thighs. He’s getting closer. “Fuck,” he grunts. “Just like that, Eve. Please.”

“Have no plans otherwise,” she laughs. 

His jaw falls slack and his orgasm rips through. All he can get is a groan, maybe it borders a scream, as his body convulses. Eve follows behind him, taking one of her hands which has been bracing her up on Calum’s chest to her clit. Her orgasm hits fast and hard. An actual scream leaves Eve’s lips. It’s Calum’s name and he swears the sound might be the end of him. It sounds so heavenly to hear something so visceral. 

By the time Calum and Eve return to the house, the downstairs is empty. It’s a good thing because Calum’s black jeans clearly spot the stain of Eve’s arousal. Not a conversation he is looking to have if he can avoid it. Calum can hear the kids upstairs--Cailean is laughing as Māra’s voice falls down the stairs. “Get out!” she screeches. 

“It’s past your bedtime, kiddo. Gotta see you off since Dad’s out.”

“No, you just want to be an ass,” Māra huffs. “Get out, Cai.”

“For the love of all things holy, the two of you need to quit it,” Kiri’s voice finally enters the mix. Calum and Eve use the spat as cover to get to the guest room downstairs. Calum closes the door softly behind them. They’re quick to shower--specifically together-- and change out of the date clothes. 

“I’m going to make sure no one is actually dead, then I’ll be right back,” Calum details, kissing Eve’s forehead from where it pokes out beneath the sheets. The squabble sounds rectified, but he wants to make sure it was nothing serious. 

“Need back up?”

“Don’t think so, but if I do, you’ll know.” 

Calum carries himself up the steps. He can see Kiri’s door is cracked at the end of the hallway, the light bleeds into the hallway. As he reaches the top of the stairs, he catches the light underneath the doors from Cailean’s room and Māra’s room. He knocks on Kiri’s door first, bypassing the younger two for the moment. 

“Yeah?” Kiri calls, spinning in his chair. He spots Calum and then smiles. “Hey, Pops. How was the date?”

“Good--enjoyed some ice cream as a nice touch.”

Kiri laughs, pointing at his own neck to let Calum know of the visible bruises. “Looks like really good ice cream.”

“Hey, hey, you’ve come back from a party or two in worse wear.”

Kiri nods, knowing of his own escapades. He holds up his hands as surrender. “No grandkids. No doctor trips, like my old man taught me.”

“Are you still seeing her? You haven’t mentioned Bryanna in a while.”

Kiri shakes his head. Calum’s not sure if he’s imagining the shift, but Kiri looks away as he speaks, “No. She, uh, she and I didn’t work out.”

Calum can tell there’s more to the story than just what Kiri gives. But Kiri isn’t the type to be fully outright. He cracks, but Calum knows he can’t outright ask what’s wrong. He just needs to crack open the door. Then Kiri will do the rest.  “You know where to find me if you want to talk about it.”

“Yeah, though I think I will have to text you before I think of going downstairs. Don’t need to hear anything either.”

Calum laughs, pressing into the door molding. It presses a little into the nail marks that he noticed his shower earlier. But it’s not a bad pain. “The last thing I want to do is scar my kids so don’t worry. Anything I need to know about with those two? Besides the argument I heard when I walked in the door.”

Kiri shakes his head, pushing up from his chair. He’s the same height as Calum when they’re next to each other. But Kiri looked so much like Calum’s own mother that it shocks Calum how much he does see Kelsie in his face too. It’s the sharp eyes that he got from Kelsie that Calum sees the most. Everything else is Calum. “Nah, it was just loud--what you heard. Nothing serious.” 

Calum nods at the return. Though this feels like a moment where he might be able to walk away, Calum stays. All Calum has to do is crack open the door. Kiri will take the inch. Kiri finally speaks again for a few moments of silence. “Are-are you happy with Eve, Pops?”

Calum exhales. He hadn’t expected Kiri to worry so much about him, nor did Calum think this would be the door Kiri would open. “Kiri, I know you care. But that’s not your job.”

“It’s not. I know. I just--are you happy with Eve?”

“I’m--I like being with Eve. I’m not happy because of her. I am happier around her though. There’s, uh, there’s a lot that I still have to deal with surrounding Kelsie’s death. I don’t think I’ll ever be over it. Yeah, I’m happy where Eve and I are. I like spending time with her. But that does not mean I’ve forgotten your mother.”

“No, no, it’s not that. I know you haven’t forgotten Mom. I’m asking because you seem happier when she’s around. Even if you two did have that small spat.”

“You-you heard that?” Calum rubs a hand over his stubbly chin. Not one of his proudest moments. “I’m sorry, son.”

“I’ve heard you and mom fight too. It’s nothing new. I asked because I wanted to say that I’m glad you’re happy, you know? We worried. I’d hear you sometimes at night when Mom first passed. And I knew I couldn’t do anything, you now. I was crying too. But, it’s just, it’s insane to think that a year ago we were all thinking we’d never get through it. And now, we-we are. We’re getting through it.”

“It’s all time, Ki. It’s all time.”

Kiri nods. It was all time. In more time they’d be even further along too.  Though, Kiri’s current predicament seemed like time would never give him what he wanted. “Brynna and I didn’t work out because I refused sex a couple of times.”

There is it--the mile Kiri would take if Calum gave an inch. Calum crosses the threshold into Kiri’s room, closing the door softly behind him. His heart pounds in his chest. Was this going to turn into a story of Kiri giving in just to appease someone? Was it going to turn out much worse? For a moment, Calum’s vision shakes, but he inhales deeply and settles in the desk chair Kiri had originally vacated while Kiri settles onto the bed. “Are you okay, Kiri?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay now. And I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do. But I don’t know. It all still sort of feels weird I guess.”

“Weird how?”

“I-The first time it happened we’d been drinking.” It’s not lost on Calum just how young Kiri is. Yes, it’s underage. But the thing that Calum is more focused on is that if Kiri’s going to make those choices he knows the consequences. He prefers if he’s honest that Kiri drinks at home. But he knows it won’t happen. Kelsie didn’t like the drinking at all and the first time he turned up home drunk Calum had been the one to get him to his room and leave water for him in the morning. Kelsie, much like Calum, understood the kids would make choices they didn’t always love, but they never wanted to make their kids feel bad for choices. Sometimes natural consequences were enough. 

Kiri finally works the lump down in his throat to continue on. “I wasn’t drunk. But I wasn’t sober. Brynna was worse than me so when she initiated it, I sort of squashed it. Played up I was drunker than I was and when I told her we probably shouldn’t, she seemed a little hurt at first. But the party continued on and it was just a struggle to get her back to her dorm room. But she passed out the second she got into her bed. It never seemed to come back up again.”

Calum nods, to let Kiri know he’s still listening. “Take your time,” he offers soft watching Kiri blink away some tears. 

“But the second time, she and I were here. Studying. And I know not a lot of studying was happening. We were getting a little handsy. Kissing was fine, but I just didn’t want sex. Nothing against her. But I’d been on edge after getting my second exam back in Calculus, that D.”

Calum offers another nod. He remembers how Kiri had stomped into the house and gone directly to his room. It took until dinner for Kiri to be calm enough to express his struggles with the course. They sat down that night to figure out how to book Kiri a tutor through the university. But they got it and now he’s getting by with a B-. It may just barely be a B minus, but it’s better than the D+ he’d been at. 

“I don’t know. Like it was a distraction, I guess when Brynna first approached me. And I sort of gave in because I wanted to at first. But when I’d back out of the gate and go back to work, she’d kiss at my neck again a few minutes later. After the second time of me sort of softly rejecting her, she tried a third time and I just had to flat out tell her I didn’t want more right then. She got offended. She accused me of cheating. I tried to tell her that I wasn’t cheating. And I swear I wasn’t Pops. Then she said that me rejecting her made her feel unwanted and like she wasn’t attractive. And I don’t know. Everything I said was wrong. If I tried to tell her I did find her attractive, then she’d ask why I didn’t want sex. And I just didn’t, you know? I just didn’t want it right then. But it all got out of hand. She started screaming at me. I--it got to the point where I told her I’d take her back to campus but I wasn’t going to be screamed at and accused of things that weren’t true. I wanted to talk it out and I offered to like give her some space so we could talk it through. But it never de-escalated.”

Calum can see the tears falling and he reaches out, a hand on Kiri’s knee. It’s not the story he thought he’d get--part of Calum is relieved to hear that his worst nightmare was not recognized. But it’s not easy. It never is. “Look at me, Kiri.”

Kiri sniffles hard before he brings his head up to look his father in his face. “I don’t know what I did wrong. It sucks.”

“It does suck. I’m sure you know I can’t tell you what you did right or wrong. I wasn’t there. But I can tell you that you offering to talk about it after Brynna calmed down is a better move than I could’ve given at your age.”

“She eventually ordered a ride back to school even though I offered to drive her. She did text me that she got back safely after I asked her too. But when I tried to text her the next day to see if she was in an okay spot to talk, she just told me that she wanted her ring back.”

“Did she ever talk to you?”

Kiri shakes his head no. “Thanks,” he returns when Calum hands him a few tissues from the box he keeps on his desk. 

“It’s okay to refuse sex when you don’t want it. I know it might fly in the face of everything you might’ve seen in movies, or heard from your friends. But you can say no. People have to respect it when you make that decision. If they don’t, that’s a them problem. You let her know you didn’t want it. It’s really up to her to respect that decision. If she can’t, then the only thing I want you to worry about is keeping yourself safe, you hear me?”

Kiri nods. “I mean, it’s not like I’m a woman, you know.” It’s easy to hear what Kiri’s is implying. He won’t have the same experience as Māra. 

Calum scoots to the edge of the chair, taking Kiri by the back of his neck. They’re foreheads press together. Calum can feel his own tears more now, as they slip down his cheeks. “You may not feel threatened in the same way women do. But it’s still important that you are safe. Your safety is still important.”

Kiri nods, as much as he can, given Calum’s grip. “I know, Dad.”

“I’m glad you stood your ground. I’m so fucking glad she just left and nothing else worse happened. I’m sorry she yelled. I’m sorry she accused you of that shit. But I need you to remember: your job is always to come back safe to me. You got that?”

“Yeah.” Even as the affirmative leaves Kiri’s mouth, his chest feels a little lighter. It doesn’t feel like so much is pressing at his shoulders and neck. He is safe. It does suck what Brynna did and never let Kiri really explain further. Given that she didn’t look at him anymore in classes, he wouldn’t ever get the chance to explain anymore. 

“Come here,” Calum whispers, moving to embrace Kiri in a tight hug. “You’re safe,” he chants. It’s more for Calum than it is for Kiri. Kiri is safe. He’d stood his ground. Brynna had left. “You’re safe.”

When Kiri’s hold loosen, Calum lets him go. Kiri confirms that he’s okay and slowly, Calum steps out of the room, closing the door behind him. 

Eve’s right at the top of the stairs, eyes quietly assessing the redness in Calum’s eyes. His cheeks are wet and he’s sniffling. His chest heaves and she knows something has happened. But she doesn’t say anything before ducking into the bathroom next to Kiri’s room to grab toilet paper. Thankfully she knows it’s a bathroom due to the open door. She hands the wad over to Calum, one hand rubbing at his back. “Came up because I got worried. You okay?”

Calum tucks his head into her neck. He inhales the scent of her body wash. It’s hard for the panic to fully settle when he’s counting how long to hold his breath before he exhales. Eve just holds Calum in silence, keeping her palm a steady slip over his back. When his breathing regulates enough, Calum pulls away. “Sorry.”

“No, no need to be sorry. Do you need anything?”

Calum clears his throat, hands settling now on her hips. “Just need a minute. Still need to check on Cai and Mar.”

Eve gives another nod, eyes assessing Calum’s face. So it’s something with Kiri. Eve doesn’t press. She only nods when Calum glances up at the ceiling. He gives another slightly more steady exhale before taking a step away. “Are my eyes red?”

“Just-just a little. Are there eye drops up here?” Eve turns a little, eyeing the bathroom she’d exited. 

“Master bathroom does, I know. But it’s alright if they’re not super red.”

Eve shakes her head, turning back to Calum. “No, they’re not super red. Could pass for tiredness.”

“It’s all I need.” Calum squeezes at her hips and Eve slips a step back, as if she’d planned to go to the stairs again, but once Calum knocks and pokes his head into Māra’s, Eve tries to assess where the master bedroom might be so she can get to the connecting bathroom. The doors all look the same. She could guess but then if she’s wrong it’s obvious.

“Love you,” Calum returns as he shuts the door. He continues on to Cai’s room, knocking before he catches the affirmative call from behind the door to poke his head inside. Eve settles that maybe she won’t have enough time to find the master bedroom before he’s done. So she waits, near the stairs to hopefully avoid being detected. Though she knows if any of the kids open their door, she will be spotted. 

“Alright, kid, let’s behave, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah, I can do that. Love you,” Cailean laughs, his voice carrying from behind the door. 

“Love you too.”

Eve takes a couple steps closer as Calum closes the door. Once it’s fully shut, she fully crosses the way to him. Calum slips his arm around her shoulders as she presses into his side. “Want to talk about it?” she asks, threading his fingers through hers.

Calum just nods for the stairs and they take them, rounding the corner to the back hallway and only stop once they’re in the bedroom. Calum tries to keep it brief in his retelling. He knows he maybe shouldn’t be even telling Kiri’s business. But he can still feel the shaking of his hands. Calum can still feel the initial anger coursing through his veins. The thing Calum feels most of all though is a sting in his chest. He wishes he could’ve been there more for his son. The truth is Calum didn’t know before now.  

Kiri never said anything until now. He spent so much time on the campus that it was hard to get Kiri for longer than he wanted to be around. Had Calum failed Kiri by not being more firm on making it home for family dinners more often? Had this been festering for as long as it had--which had been weeks, maybe two months now. Kiri came home angry about the second exam about halfway through the semester. In another four or so weeks, the semester would be ending. It wasn’t Calum’s fault for what happened but were there signs Calum had missed?

Eve brings his head into her chest. “Hey, hey, I know that look. Baby, you didn’t know. Kiri’s growing up. He’s not going to tell you everything all the time. He’s going to take some things and do whatever he can to handle it on his own. You and Kelsie raised him to be a competent young man. He can handle a lot. More than you’ve seen him handle probably. When he can’t handle it, that’s when he comes to you. When he’s stumped, he knows you’re there.”

Calum nods, because it’s true. That’s the whole point of children growing up. Kelsie and Calum wanted their kids to get to this point. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less. “He used to come to us about everything. When he struggled with tying his shoes, he used to ask me to help. When he needed help with homework, he’d come to me.”

“He was supposed to go to you for those things,” Eve returns. “And he still does. He still comes to you. He did it tonight.” She’s not sure if these words are comforting or if she’s adding more fuel to the fire. “He still comes to you for help. It just looks different now.”

It does look different now. It will look different in another nineteen years too. Calum tightens the hold on Eve’s t-shirt. He knows she’s got plenty of business to attend to. She’d mentioned it earlier before they left for dinner. “Will you stay until I fall asleep?” Calum asks softly. 

“Yes.”

“Will you be here when I wake up?” It feels silly to ask. Eve might not be able to promise that. But Calum needs reassurance. He’s afraid if he wakes and she’s not here, he’s going to unravel.

“Yes,” Eve returns again. “Yes, I will be here when you wake up.” Those words make it so much easier to contemplate sleep for Calum. 

Calum catches the beeping of his alarm and he sighs. There will be little light when he cracks open his eyes. It won’t rise for another hour and a half. Something closes softly, even though Calum’s alarm is going, when the sound cuts down for a moment he catches the close. “Eve?” he asks quietly in the dark. 

“It’s me.” Her voice floats back over the wail of the alarm. 

Calum pushes up and turns the noise off. The bed dips a little behind him. He switches on the bedside lamp. There is the soft yellow haze as he turns, Eve fills out in front of him. Her horns--which Calum can’t help but recall the night her halo crumbled to reveal the horns-- are still protruding but clearly being retracted and hidden away. Calum strokes her jaw. “You don’t have to hide here.”

Eve closes the distance to press a kiss to his lips. “I like to keep up appearances,” she states against her lips. “You still okay for shopping today?”

“Dad’s gotta do what dad’s have to do,” Calum nods. 

“Want me to handle breakfast then? Is today a workout day?”

“It is. But you don’t have to, Eve.”

The nails are sharp against his jaw, but Eve’s touch is gentle. “Give me one thing on your plate today.” It is not a plea. It is a command. 

“Breakfast,” Calum concedes. “If you don’t mind.”

“Give me the rundown, boss.” As Calum pushes out of the bed, grabbing his workout clothes he talks through all the normal things he fixes for breakfast. Eve nods, peeling herself out the robes and slipping into one of Calum’s t-shirts. She leaves the leggings on. Her shoes have been toed off already. 

“Cailean’s going to wake first. He showers and then does god know what in his room. Kiri wakes second. He’s a night showerer. So he’ll probably get downstairs first and be the first one of the door. Māra wakes last, takes the longest to get ready. But she’ll be down stairs before 7:25 to scarf down her oatmeal. Cailean’s driving Māra and himself to school now with his license so even if I’m not back, which I will be, but should I not, they’ll still get to school on time.”

Eve nods. “Oatmeal, banana, and orange for Cailean and Mar. Kiri will take whatever. What about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you have?”

Calum grins. “I eat a little bit of oatmeal and usually some yogurt.”

“Won’t do,” Eve insists. 

“I have survived on it this far.” Calum kisses her forehead after tying up his running shoes. Eve walks with him to the front door, after Calum gets something quick down before his workout. 

At the crack of the door, Eve tugs Calum back by his waistband. He gives into the tug and she stretches to kiss him. The horizon is still dark, but it’s got a blue underhue that lets them all know dawn is coming. “Have a good run,” she wishes. 

She has a little bit of time. It’s just barely five. Though she knows for her plan she can’t wait too long. So when the minutes tick over to about 5:45 she pushes from the bed. Her phone buzzes. Eve answers the call, listening to the rough breathing crackling through the phone. “Finished.”

Eve rattles off a set of coordinates to the voice on the other end of the phone. “Confirm the amount,” she commands after a minute of silence. 

“550.”

“Wait for my call for the other half, waiting to confirm cleanliness.”

“Understood,” the voice heaves out. The phone call ends. Eve places her phone back onto the counter, giving the eggs one last flip. 

“Morning,” Kiri says. His voice is a little hoarse but his smile seems mostly genuine as he takes in Eve’s appearance in the kitchen. 

“Morning.” Eve sets a plate down at the bar counter. “That’s for you.” 

Eggs and toast stare back up at Kiri. Then another bowl settles down--a melody of strawberries, blueberries and what looks like sliced mango. The glass clinks against the coaster--orange juice he realizes. “Thanks, Eve. You-I could’ve gotten all this.”

The front door cracks open, Calum’s voice floats up gently from the front. “Eve?”

“Kitchen,” she calls out. Then to Kiri, she adds, “I was fixing myself something and heard you upstairs.” An easy life. 

“Thank you,” he returns. There is a plate which holds a similar assortment so it looks true enough. When Calum rounds the corner into the kitchen, he pats Kiri on the shoulder. The two men give a nod to each other before Calum carries on and kisses Eve’s forehead. She lifts the other plate and hands it over to Calum. 

“Good run?”

He nods. Though he’s sure the sweat is clearly still dripping down his face. “Thank you,” he motions with the plate up and then settles down next to Kiri. His bowl of fruit and orange comes next and Kiri frowns a little. There are dishes that are in the sink. Perhaps Eve really did already eat. 

“Of course, babe.” Eve turns back to the stove, pulling down the packets of oatmeal. The floors above them croak. By the time Calum finishes the dishes that are in the sink after his own breakfast, Cailean’s surfacing downstairs. 

“Good morning,” he states. Not with a lot of usual Cailean bravado. Eve starts to deduce that he may not be a morning person like Kiri, but has had to adjust because he’s taken up driving him and Māra to school. Calum slips out of the kitchen to take his own shower. 

“Burning the midnight oil?” Eve teases, setting a bowl of oatmeal and a banana on the placemat. 

“My brain is not awake enough to even understand what that means,” Cailean returns. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Cailean.”

He’s quiet as he eats and Eve tries to listen for Māra. She can’t quite separate out Calum’s shower from what might be running upstairs. So she glances at the clock on the oven. 7:10. Probably a good time to start Māra’s breakfast. Eve does worry for a moment that she might finish it too quickly so she slows everything down just a little. Calum returns to the kitchen and Cailean’s still there, backpack at his feet but there’s no Māra. He spins with a sigh and just as his mouth opens, Mar comes down the steps. 

“Saved by the bell,” Calum grins. “Sleep good?”

She nods. “Sorry, sorry. I couldn’t decide on what shoes to wear since we are going shopping early. Didn’t want anything that would make my feet hurt.”

“Mar, I keep telling you that you need more cushion in your shoes because of your flat feet.”

“But those aren’t cute,” she protests, giving him a hug. 

“You’ll get it when you’re older,” he laughs, kissing the top of her head. She scurries into the kitchen, knowing she’s only got a few minutes to spare. 

“Good morning, Māra,” Eve states. Calum goes back to the sink, realizing more dishes have piled up. 

“Hi, Eve. Thanks for breakfast.”

“Of course.”

It’s strange as the house falls silent. Kiri left while Calum was taking his shower, but he did say his goodbyes to the house before his departure. Cailean and Māra have long left. The dishes are done. Calum stops Eve on her way back to the room. She falls into his chest with ease. “Thank you for helping today, baby.”

“Of course, Cal. I’m happy to help. What time is Māra’s dentist appointment?”

“1:30. I’m picking her up during her lunch time, 12:45.”

“When are you leaving the studio then?”

Calum shakes his head. “Not going today. Will be going in a little tomorrow, four hours max.”

“So what are you planning to do for the next 4 hours?”

“You tell me,” Calum whispers into her neck. 

Eve giggles at the scratch of his stubble. “Something tells me you have plenty of ideas.”

Speak of the devil. Calum waits for a moment longer and then another message pops up. It’s a screenshot of a text conversation and he taps on it, bringing this glasses down from the top of his head. He’d forgone his contacts as he was running low on time. As much as he didn’t want to leave the bed with Eve, she’d forced him up so he could get Māra on time and be on time to the appointment. Māra made it through another dental appointment with a clean bill of health and now he sits outside of the dressing rooms at the place Eve mentioned yesterday. She and Māra have been rummaging through racks for a solid twenty minutes and Calum opted to linger back as to not intrude too much. 

After he approved her try on stack--a few of them just barely passing Calum’s initial check--Eve and Māra scurried to the fitting rooms. Eve agreed to be the first line of defense, knowing that she might be able to talk Māra down from any ledges before having to face Calum. Now Calum is here, pulling his glasses down to read the screenshots better that Kiri sent to him. At the top he can see Brynna’s name. The last text exchange was brief. 

Kiri asked if she got back to the dorms safely. Brynna replied with a short, yes. When Kiri asked the next day--this text more clearly dated for September 15th to the current start of December, can we talk soon? i’d like to understand what made you so mad about me saying no, he received only two sentences: i’d like my ring back. meet before calculus. 

But the latest message is from Brynna. Calum can tell from the date and it being in a gray bubble. sorry about the way i acted. you didn’t deserve that. There’s no real explanation about why Brynna acted the way she did. But perhaps the apology would be what Kiri needed to move on. Calum taps into the box to reply. 

How do you feel about the apology? he asks. 

i guess i’m relieved. at least she apologized? don’t know really. 

Calum sighs as his fingers work over the keys. Is it because you still want to know why?

yeah, like, she apologized and i appreciate that. but it still doesn’t tell me why she freaked.

Calum taps the corner of the device to his forehead. He’s not sure what to say. Kiri would never really know why. It appears as if Brynna had enough change of heart to apologize for her actions, but not even to reveal what it was that made her so insecure about Kiri’s refusals. This is one of those hard lessons, Calum’s realizing, that he was telling Eve about. Kiri was going to have to learn to accept the fact that he would never know why. He’d only heal and be able to move on once he accepted that sometimes shitty things happen to good people. Sometimes they reason is never known. 

“Thoughts?”

Calum snaps his his head up, taking in the sight of Māra in the red studded sleeves blazer that Eve mentioned earlier. It’s longer than he imagined it to be, but it fits well. “I like it,” he smiles. “Goes well with those earrings you just got.”

“Yeah, the black leather tassel ones. I see the vision,” Māra smiles. “Okay, next top,” she commands and Eve starts to step away but notices the falter of Calum’s smile. 

“You okay?”

“Later, if that’s okay. It’s about what I told you last night. With Kiri.”

Eve nods. “Of course. Later. You need anything though in the meantime?”

“No, I’m good. Now you should go, Mar’s not going to wait too long.”

Eve grins. “We had to axe a few tops before the blazer. I’m crossing my fingers the sweaters are a hit.”

“May God be with you,” he laughs and Eve signs the cross before heading back. 

Calum stares down at the messages with Kiri. I’m sorry she didn’t explain, son. Do you want to talk more when you get home?

yeah, i’d appreciate it, pops. thx. 

Anytime, Kiri. 

Māra proudly displays off a knitted turtleneck in yellow with a black and white gingham pattern on the front, jeans with barbed wire design up the entire body of them, and a black dress with ferns printed onto the design. Calum approves of all of them. The dress is full length to counterbalance his concerns about the spaghetti straps. Eve and Māra both defend that she can wear a long sleeve shirt under the dress to keep it more appropriate for winter and more modest. Māra is a fan of layering, as Calum notices. So he accepts the dress into his arms before they head to the register. Before he can get his cards out, though, Eve slips the bills to the cashier. 

“I had it,” Calum laughs. 

“Think of this as me pre-warning you about the grocery bill this week. Perhaps better to save the cash for that”

Calum can only grin. “What damage’s been done now?”

“Eggs,” Eve laughs. “So many eggs.” She takes the change back and Māra slips in to take the bag with a brilliant smile up to the cashier. Calum and Māra head back up to the foodcourt, considering Māra hadn’t gotten her lunch and was much too eager to the mall to think about food. Once Eve seems them to a table, she kisses Calum on the cheek. “Going to make a quick run to a store while you two eat.”

“Oh, where?” Māra questions. 

“It’s just the Vitamin Shoppe,” Eve counters. “Bit boring, so I figured you two wouldn’t want to waste the time.”

Calum nods at the comment. “Be safe,” he whispers up to Eve. 

“I always am.” He watches her though. Eve would have no reason for the vitamin store. However, she doesn’t turn to round the corner to make to the shop. She continues straight on behind Māra into one of the lingerie stores. Calum quickly looks back down to his tray. Oh, he knows the vitamins are code for. In all honesty, lingerie that was lace and delicate didn’t hold a candle much to the plain looking stuff. He’s garnered respect for simple and chic rather than the buckles and zippers. 

But he won’t complain in the least about what Eve gets. He will not complain in the slightest. He works down a forkful of the coleslaw he ordered as his side before slipping his phone out from his jacket pocket. He swipes until he finds the text message thread with Eve. Lingerie is a hell of a vitamin. 

It sits for about two minutes before Eve responds. Well, you know what the say. A chain and a whip a day keeps the doctor way. 

Calum snorts at the joke and then puts his phone back. Māra and he finish up just as Eve slips out from the store. The bag is a sleek black with the logo written across it in gold. Māra definitely notices it is not the name of the vitamin store, but she only grins as she looks up to Eve. Māra is thankful though. There is at least enough decency not to call it out between them. Māra’s phone is a constant clack from the back seat as Calum and Eve share the front. The charms swing and click with the bumps and as she swipes away. 

“I passed that English quiz, Dad,” Māra offers between the songs on the radio. 

“That’s awesome, sweetpea. Seems like the extra ten times a day study is paying off.”

“Yeah, I’m not a fan of the fact that I have to add extra time in English. But you were right in the end. Just need to slow down when I’m annotating to really get it.”

Eve’s content from the passenger seat. When the conversation dies, the radio takes over and after a while, Māra will cut in with something else. Usually directed at Calum, but it’s okay. That’s her father and she would never want to cut in on that. They pull up to the house and Eve surveys to see if Kiri’s car is in the driveway. When it’s not, she relaxes a little. She can finally get more details. Māra grabs her bag from the backseat and as they all climb out she takes Eve’s hand gently. “I don’t think I said thank you earlier for coming today and for paying. I really appreciate your kindness, Eve.”

“You’re welcome, Māra. I’m honored you wanted to shopping with me and trusted me enough with it.”

They smile at each other and something like an agreement or understanding feels like it’s blossomed. “Off to my books,” Māra offers. It almost feels like a question, like she’s double checking it’s okay to leave the conversation. 

Eve nods. “Happy studying.” She watches Māra stride all the way into the house. She realizes Māra has a key to the house too. Which of course makes sense. 

Calum slides up next to Eve, her bag in his hand. “Can I take a peak?”

Eve laughs. “No, you can’t. But nice try.”

“Had to ask.” 

Eve keeps calm enough that when they stride into the house she doesn’t feel the need to immediately ask about Kiri. She drops her bag off into the room and then joins Calum in the living room. He offers his side as a cuddle--feet already kicked up on the cushions. Eve finds all too easy to slide between Calum’s legs and rest her head on his chest. He runs his fingers into her hair, rubbing at her scalp. 

“So I told you about Kiri and his stuff, right?”

Eve nods at Calum’s question. “Yes.”

“The girl texted him today. Apologized but didn’t really provide context for why she freaked. He and I are going to talk more when he gets home.”

“Did he say how he’s holding up?”

Calum gives a shrug. “He said he’s a little relieved that she apologized. But it’s eating him alive that he can’t get a straight answer. And I-I don’t know what to tell him. Feels like one of those shitty hard lessons that as a parent I feel like I should be able to soften, but in reality I can’t. It’s just a lesson that’s going to fucking hurt.”

“Wise man told me that we can only do our best when children are faced with those kind of lessons.”

“Yeah, he’s right. Damn bastard,” Calum snickers. 

Eve looks up, cheek smushed still against Calum’s body. “You always manage to find the right words when you need, Calum. And even if they’re not perfect, I think the more important thing is that Kiri knows you’re there for him.” 

“Thank you,” Calum returns, fingers stilling in her hair. “For always being willing to listen.”

“It’s the least I can do, Calum.”

The two lay on the sofa long enough in silence that Calum slips away into sleep. Eve senses how deep his breathing is before the snores start up. She smiles and waits for another ten minutes before she slowly pulls herself from Calum’s hold. He stirs just a little, head turning now to face the couch cushions, but he doesn’t wake. Eve takes her phone from the coffee table. 

She goes back to her calls and taps on the number from this morning. The line connects and more heavy breathing, fills the line. Eve is as quiet as she can be as she rattles off the coordinates carrying herself into the hall bathroom. “Confirm the amount,” she commands for the second time today. 

“550,” the voice heaves back. A bit of a growl curls up the last few syllables. 

“Make scarce. Do not contact me again about this mission. ”

“Understood, my liege.” 

Eve slips her phone back into her pocket and flushes the toilet though she didn’t use it. She runs the sink for about a minute, running her hands under the water. She shakes her hand free of the excess water before going for a paper towel. When she steps back out of the bathroom. Calum’s still curled up on the couch. Māra’s laugh comes from above Eve. Out here, no one will know about what Eve’s done. 

She prays, though, as she settles back down on the couch, resting Calum’s feet into her lap that the apology is enough for Kiri. Eve couldn’t get more. She didn’t need to press to know that she wouldn’t get it. But maybe there’s a little good in the bad. For Kiri’s sake--Eve hopes it’s the truth. 

***************************

I need some help and I can’t go to Dad. Are you free? Māra stares down at the text. Her cursor blinks, and blinks, and blinks. It’s all true. She does need advice. And she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to go to her Dad about it because she’d been the one to tell him not to ask Eve on her behalf. So here Māra is. But there’s something that feels a little bit like betrayal. She could so easily go to her mother before about these kinds of things. Her aunt was in a whole other country and most definitely wouldn’t see the text for a couple days. No doubt her aunt probably wouldn’t be able to make the trip on such short notice. And truth be told, Māra wants it to be Eve that goes with her. She pictures it now walking into the dance with Eve has her escort. The entire room would fall silent but Māra wouldn’t feel so left out. She wouldn’t need to feel pity and no one would need to pity her just because her mom had died. Because Māra would have Eve there to ward off any pity. Eve would make Māra feel safer than just with Calum alone. 

Anyone else that Māra might ask might give her too much sympathy too. Sure it might be an honor that Māra trust them enough to ask to accompany her. But even that thought makes Māra’s stomach churn. She needs someone without the sympathetic gaze to help her with this. So the only other person Māra can think of is Eve. No doubt Eve may not see this text for a few days either. Eve seemed to disappear almost without warning. She’d be there at the house one day and then a few hours later, gone. Dad always said she had duties to see too. He never looked worried so it made Māra feel more confident that it wasn’t anything major. But it did happen a lot. What would happened if Māra asked and duties came up day of? Who would Māra turn to then? But it’s not helpful to think of such scenarios. 

Eve did say that whenever Māra needed her, she could ask. Text--specifically. Eve said to text because she was more likely to see that and than a missed call. Eve can only say no to the request. But a yes would mean so much more. 

“Oh, screw it. Just hit send,” Māra reprimands herself verbally. 

The text lifts, the bar loading, and then settles. The green box stares back at Mara, I need some advice and I can’t go to Dad for help. Are you free?

Her phone swoons. I’m downstairs, and will be up in two minutes. 

Oh, hi, welcome. Didn’t know you had finished up with your stuff. 

Quick one--they’re a rarity. 

Māra snorts at the addition of the smiley face. But she is glad that the response is pretty immediate. Another minutes goes by and the rumble up the stairs doesn’t sound like one person. Māra listens at her door, ear pressed to it to catch who else might be coming up the stairs. She assumes one of them is Eve. Cailean was already in his room, or so she thinks given he was a few minutes ago. There’s no telling where he might’ve migrated too. Kiri’s on Christmas break and had planned a trip to New Mexico for the the last week after the holidays right before classes resumed. 

“I-I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Her dad--that’s who the second person is and though they’re keeping their volume down there’s no other noise to completely drown them out. 

“About what?”

“It’s important but if Māra’s asking for you, it can wait.” 

Māra continues to press into the closed door for Eve’s response. There’s something like a whisper and this time Māra can’t catch all of what is said. But the silence that follows stretches for a while. Maybe it’s more whispers. Māra strains and strains to listen, only she catches nothing. The stretch of silence is broken by a knock on the door. Māra jumps, a tiny screech leaving her as she backs away from the door. The door handle turns and before the door cracks fully open, Eve’s voice floats through wood. “You okay, Māra? Can I come in?”

“I’m okay,” Māra returns, one hand still clutching her chest. She should’ve backed away from the door the moment it went silent for longer than a second or two. 

The door cracks open slightly and Eve slips in, before turning back to the hallway. “I’ll be downstairs once you two are done.” 

Eve says nothing as she shuts the door close, though she does nod at Calum’s statement. Eve watches Māra settle onto the edge of her bed. Where Eve and Kira and even Cailean were on good terms, the three of them being able to jump in and out of conversations easily, Eve and Māra were still doing a dance. Māra was nice to Eve. When Eve was over, Māra offered the spot next to her on the couch or if she was getting a snack she’d asked if Eve wanted something. They had the one shopping trip they went one. It’s was fun. Eve was cool and always managed to uphold the rules that even Māra knew she couldn’t bend without making it seem like a big idea. She’d offer something like, Maybe we try to find something longer than this or I think the top needs a bit more coverage. What do you think? Māra always knew it was a no, but at least it was more a conversation. 

But since then, Māra and Eve were still assessing boundaries. Māra would default to Calum if she needed anything. The exception being when Calum needed a root canal and Eve stepped in to drive him to and from the appointment. Then, when Calum had gone to try and sleep off some of the lidocaine, Māra leaned into Eve a bit more asking Eve if she could help Māra with assembling the last of her poster board for her science fair project. 

Eve is happy to help, but she makes a rule to never force any interaction. She’ll ask or try to initiate but she never forces. This feels decidedly different. Māra wants Eve’s help with something before going to Calum. 

“How was it?” Māra ask, tossing her phone up for a moment and then catching it. The keychain attached to her phone grips clacks in the air before clashing against the case as Māra catches it. “Should I call it work? How was work?”

“You can call it work. It is a job, basically. And it was fine. Nothing to report home about.”

“This--would we be home?”

“If you’re okay with it.”

Māra snorts just a little. “If Dad is literally following you around like a lost puppy is any indication, I think it’s safe to say, you can call this home.”

Eve leans into the door. “It does matter to me what you think too. You’ve built this place with your Dad and your Mom. I don’t get an automatic claim to anything just because Calum’s a lost puppy.”

Māra cringes a little hearing back her own words. “You can’t tell him I said that though. He’ll kill me.”

“Consider the secret safe.” 

Māra can’t bring herself to get to the point, the reason why she’d asked Eve for help in the first place. It felt ridiculous to ask her something like that and the two of them really didn’t have much of a relationship besides a mutual understanding. Perhaps, before asking for something, Māra can get to know Eve more. Outside of the blunt and honest woman that she’d always presented. “What--what is it like? What you do?” she asks. 

“Oh, well, it’s not fun. We don’t party that’s for sure. It’s necessary, I guess, is the best way to describe it.”

“Plain English, Eve. Please.”

Eve snorts, pushing off the front door a little and then wanders to the doors in front of the closet. She takes in the poster on the door, a band that Eve’s never heard of but keeps a mental note of should they surface up in town in the near future, before facing Māra.  “It’s shit. Dealing with assholes who want to complain they don’t belong in Hell. Or you get the people proud to be there and they’re really the worst.”

“Sounds like high school--the worst,” Māra teases.

“Worse than high school,” Eve laughs. 

“No way. High school’s awful.”

“Why? What happened?” Eve asks. 

“It’s drama--pointless really. That’s what makes it so awful. None of it matters who’s screwing who or who’s dating who. But everytime I blink someone’s up in arms because of who their boyfriend is texting.”

“Tell me about it, if you want of course.” Eve doesn’t want to probe if Māra’s not going to give up more. 

“It started really when Robyn started dating Morgan. Morgan’s always been a bit more…free-spirited. Let’s say.”

Eve nods that she understands and then slowly approaches the bed to settle down next to Māra. Māra goes on a five minute rant about Morgan’s reputation preceding her--a sophomore at the school. Eve learns that Robyn, who is a freshman like Māra, had known Morgan through a mutual friend that was outside of the group that Robyn and Māra are in. Due to Morgan’s reputation, the entire friend group told Robyn to spend more time getting to know Morgan before deciding to date her. It’s sound advice, but not advice that any fourteen year old would listen to in the end. Robyn has a late birthday, Māra explains. Where the rest of the friend group was turning fifteen, Robyn was still behind them. Which leads to Robyn hearing rumors about Morgan. Morgan vehemently denies kissing anyone else since Robyn and Morgan went official but the seeds of doubt had been planted. 

Eve does her best to keep up, especially when it comes to a potential plan to see of Morgan would cheat. Eve wants to interject that maybe setting someone up isn’t the best way to go about finding out the truth, but refrains as Māra’s retelling continues. “The set up is stupid. Because even if something were to happen, it really wouldn’t be fair to Morgan. She’d be in there with other girls and who’s to say that one of them wouldn’t force herself on Morgan. It’s--can I swear in front of you?”

Eve nods. “Who am I going to tell?”

“My dad for starters.”

Eve withholds the obvious. Māra has sworn in front of her father before. This moment is about bonding more deeply. So Eve returns with, “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

Māra grins at the statement. “I like you. Anyways, it would be really fucked up to send Morgan in there with no one else. I told everyone to drop that idea and really, we have to take Morgan at her word. If she said she didn’t, then I believe she didn’t.”

“Do you believe the rumors about her reputation? It doesn’t sound like you do.”

Māra shrugs. “I mean, do I believe that Morgan’s willing to kiss and make out with a few people? Yeah, I do. She’s sweet but she knows what she wants and really isn’t afraid to go after it, you know? I don’t think that makes her a bad person.”

“So, why tell Robyn to take it slow?”

“I’ve spent only the last seven years with Robyn. I know her. She’ll go guts deep into something without considering the consequences. She’s also a bit of a romantic. And I get it, romance is nice. But she gets lost in it, you know? I didn’t want her to get hurt. Morgan is nice and I don’t think she’d cheat on Robyn. But Robyn’s a little gullible and she won’t think twice before believing something.”

“So you didn’t want Robyn to get hurt by jumping in too fast with Morgan because rumors would surface? Instead you wanted Robyn to like Morgan for who Morgan is and to be able to withstand the rumors?”

Māra points at Eve, a single white painted nail excitedly jutted out at Eve. “Exactly that! If Robyn had spent more time getting to know Morgan before, when rumors re-surfaced Robyn would know better.”

“You’re a good friend, you know?”

Heat rises on Māra’s face. She just tries her best to be a good person. It doesn’t always help that she’s quick to slice with her words. But she tries. “Thanks.”

“So, what did you need help with? Are you trying to console Robyn now?”

“Oh,” Māra got so caught up in relaying the drama to Eve she nearly forgot what she’d asked Eve up to the room for.  She pauses at the edge of her bed a few inches from Eve. Māra picks lint that doesn’t exist off the comforter. “Robyn’s heart is broken, or so she says. I think once she talks with Morgan later it’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to rush you. I was quite invested in Robyn and Morgan. You can-you can continue.” Eve keeps still as Māra settles down. 

Māra falls back into the mattress with a bounce. “Robyn hasn’t texted me back yet so I’m not sure what’s going on anymore. Well, for right now at least.”

“Keep me updated?” Eve asks. She wants to tap on Māra’s knee but she freezes instead and waits. 

“You do that a lot,” Māra counters. 

“Do what?”

“Just stay still. Like you’re afraid sudden movement is going to make you explode or something go bang. You’re still a lot.”

“The truth is I’m afraid a lot. More so now than ever,” Eve answers. 

“Afraid?” Māra questions. What would the devil have to fear? Shouldn’t Eve fear nothing. 

Eve shakes her head. “Not things I’d want you to worry about. I keep still because I try to remind myself there’s still time. But it’s time I’m most afraid of. It’s ironic don’t you think?”

“I think everyone is afraid of time,” Māra returns. 

“What makes you scared of time?” Eve asks. 

“Forgetting my mother. Growing older, getting married all without her. Then I’m scared of not knowing what I should be doing with my life anyway.”

“She--”

“Mom loves me. I know. Present tense. But she’s still not here, you know? She can love me and still not be here. Because she’s dead.”

Eve nods. “You’re right.”

This is the time to ask, really. If Māra’s going to ask Eve, it’s right now. She pushes up to sit on the bed, tucking her legs around herself. Would Eve think Māra is strange for such a request? But it’s something Māra needs to do now. She needs this, everyone else be damn. “There’s a dance,” Māra starts. “In two weeks. You know how there are father-daughter dances. This is an etiquette dance, a debutante ball really. It’s a big deal. I-I wasn’t going to go originally. But I think I do. For Mom, you know. She and I went every year.”

“I think she’d like you too.”

“Could you ask her?” Māra laughs after she asks. “I know she’s not with you. But I’d like to go. And I’d like to know if you’d come with us?”

“Us?” Eve questions. 

“Dad is going to go, obviously. But it’s not the same with just him. There’s a mother-daughter dance and while Dad would fill in in a heartbeat, I’d like to not stand out so much, you know? I’d like you to be there too.” 

Calum had mentioned the dance briefly to Eve. He’d been frantically trying to find a pocket square to match her dress color. He found one eventually, but it took four different suit stores to find it across L.A. Eve gently reaches for Māra’s knee, giving it a squeeze. “I’d love to accompany you.”

Māra grins, taking Eve’s hand into her own. “Thanks. And can I ask one more thing?”

“Of course.”

“I need help. There’s a dress from Mom I want to repurpose and rework. But I don’t know anything about sewing.”

Eve laughs. “I can help. I’ve learned a thing or two about sewing. Show me the dress and what you want.”

“There’s a sewing machine and stuff in Mom’s old craft room. I don’t think Dad’s got rid of anything in there yet,” Māra states, pushing herself off the bed. She opens one of the closet doors and yanks down a white dress. The more Eve takes it in, the more she realizes it might’ve been a wedding dress. “It’s Mom’s reception dress. Dad’s got the wedding dress I think. Said I couldn’t have it just yet to mutilate it.”

The spaghetti strap dress with a full length skirt and lace detailing isn’t much to work with, but Māra details how she wants to shorten it just a little to make it midi length and if she could maybe add illusion back, but a second set of sleeves that hang lower on her shoulder. It’ll still be a classy silhouette but it’s bring the look from wedding formal just to formal. 

Māra leads the charge from her room downstairs. Eve follows, gown in her arms. The back is low when Māra tries it on, and it’s a little too big in some areas so Eve knows she’s got to take the bust and waist in too. It’s a lot of work to do in just two weeks. But a plus is that Eve doesn’t need to sleep. As Eve finds the tape measure and a notebook to take the measurements in, she does her best not to think about the presence she can feel pressing into the back of her. Dead people do not haunt her like they did Death, but Eve still knows when someone’s spirit lingers. Kelsie is in every corner of the room. Eve prays her presence does not feel like an intrusion. 

“Where did you learn to sew?” Māra asks. “Dad said you were a dance instructor when you two first met.”

“I was,” Eve returns, pinning the spot on how much length she needs to take off. “I was a seamstress before that. And before that I was a lawyer.”

“A lawyer?”

“Decades ago. Before any of you, Calum included, were born.”

“Are they like front jobs?”

“In a way, yes. They keep me Earth side for legitimate reasons when I need them. I could easily just lie and manipulate my way through but it makes things less normal. When I first encounter people they don’t know who I am. I have to have a reason to stick around.”

“Other than love?”

“Other than love,” Eve agrees. 

“What’s your cover story now? So I know how to answer that at the dance,” Māra covers. 

“Don’t have one now. Didn’t think I’d need one for at least about thirty years. Calum’s getting up there, but he still has a good stretch in him. If it helps, you can tell them I’m retired.”

“You won’t look it.” Māra doesn’t mean it maliciously. It’s just the truth. Eve hardly looks like she’s pushed out of her twenties. And while she knew her father and Eve had years of history, the rest of the world would see a woman forty years her dad’s junior appearance wise. Māra worries for a brief moment that someone might say something. How would Eve react? Hell, how would Māra react?

“I’ll never look old enough.” 

Māra hums at the response. It’s true. Eve looked the same as she did in the photographs Māra had discovered back when her mother first died. The moment Eve walked in through the door it was like Eve had been plucked out of the thirty year old photograph and preserved just now for the moment. There’s no way Eve wasn’t mystical. 

“I’m sorry for calling you a snake,” Māra returns to the still air. 

Eve’s busy now pinning and pinching the extra fabric around Māra’s waist to get it to sit right. “You weren’t technically wrong.” 

The flick of Eve’s tongue makes Māra laugh just a little. It’s nice to see Eve being comfortable around them. Though it was definitely strange the first few times she’d shown up hiding away her features. She still does, Māra notices. Most of the time Eve presents her brown eyes and normal tongue. But there’s been the occasional fright where she’s had to set off from their place and in the rush, they’ve seen the purple irises and forked tongue. 

“Still, I’m sorry.”

Eve nods, hands hovering over the bust. “Apology accepted. Now I do have to work in the bust area. You okay with me continuing with you still in the dress or do you just want to pass along your bra size and I’ll work with that.”

“I’m okay for you to keep pinning,” Māra returns, staring straight at the wall. She does glance over to Eve who nods in her gaze. 

“Thank you. So, what color should I wear, Māra? I’d hate to clash.”

“Dad’s wearing black. I think you should wear what you want, really.”

“You sure? What if I showed up wearing bright red?” Eve snorts. “That would be a sight.”

“It would look nice.”

“If I’m honest, I don’t own much outside of gray and black.”

“Well, besides your wedding dress.”

Eve’s laughter is all through her nose. She’d worn a white fit and flare dress, lace floral details in the bodice that gave way to a satin skirt and a matching white cape. It felt right when Eve wore it for the wedding, but it’d been waiting since then for use. After a few decades, she’d slip it into someone’s donation bin and let it take on a new life like she did with the others. But now, the idea swirls at the base of Eve’s skull before flittering over her lips in an fleeting exhale, “Perhaps I should dye it black now.”

“I’ll help,” Māra grins. 

“I’ll give a good trim too. It’s too long now I think.”

“Definitely,” Māra nods. “You think you can do all that in just two weeks though?”

Eve brings the mirror from the corner close to Māra. “I don’t sleep. What do you think? Good length and fit?”

The dress does fit it a bit tighter without it being scandalous. The length hits about four or five inches from her ankles. Though Māra knows the technical rules, she was one of the older girls helping to bring in the latest round of girls into the debutante and then also use this as her last hurrah before she aged out completely out. But the color and length are close enough that Māra’s willing to risk it. Without the excess fabric, Māra can wear her heels without issue and if they kick her out for an extra few inches, then they just kick her out. “I look hot.”

The two women laugh and Eve takes it as a good sign. She notes how much she needs to take up and in for each section and then lets Mara dress back in her normal clothes. “Give me a week and then you can try it on again to see if it fits right.”

Māra nods and then steps in closer to the older woman. She slips her arms around Eve’s waist in a hug. “Thanks, Eve.”

Though for a moment Eve freezes, she lets herself relax enough to hug Māra back. It’s not strange. Eve hoped this moment would come. It’s the fear again. Eve doesn’t want to fuck it all up with Māra. But if the hug is any indication, perhaps she’d been doing better than she realized. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

“Are you serious about the wedding dress? I think it would be worth hemming and dying it.”

“I’d need help getting the length right,” Eve offers, letting Māra pull back out of her hold just a little. The young girl grins up at Eve and Eve knows. “But I think I know the perfect assistant.”

“I don’t think we should show Dad--your dress I mean. It should be a secret. It would kill him, but worth it in the end.”

“I like secrets,” Eve laughs. “When you try on your dress, I’ll bring mine so we can discuss what to do.” 

Eve was still holding the secret about Kiri. And as much as Eve didn’t want to keep that from Calum, she knew what she did was wrong. She’d meddled. She’s gotten involved and even in the end, it still hadn’t helped much. He and Calum talked later that same day. When Calum came back that night to the room, before Eve left to handle business, she could clearly see the distress etched into his face. Kiri walked with a bit of a slump for a few days. Eve knows natural consequences occur for every decision. If the chips fell down on her about it, she could withstand it. 

Māra’s laugh brings Eve back to the present. “Sounds perfect. Thanks again for agreeing to this. The dress and attending, it means a lot.”

Eve tightens her hold briefly back around Māra wanting nothing more than to savor the moment. “Of course, Māra.” 

Eve slips out of the room to let Māra change back with some privacy and when she’s out in the hallway, Calum’s leaning against the wall. His arms are folded over his chest. “Is Māra still in there?” he asks. 

Eve nods. His look is stern and she knows. This moment here are the chips falling. This was the important thing he wanted to talk to her about. A few weeks later and her choices caught up with her. “Yes, she is,” Eve answers. 

“Did she ask you to join us for the dance?”

“She did. I accepted.”

“Thank you,” Calum returns with a nod. “She’s been nervous to ask.” His tone is even, but his jaw is set hard. Eve’s best bet is just to answer whatever questions that Calum has. This is not the time for her to joke. When it came to his children, Calum is not the type to take anything severely lightly. Eve knows she’s going to have to come clean instantly. 

The door behind Eve creaks. The sound alone breaks both Calum and Eve out of their stare down. Eve steps away from the door, turning to grin at Māra. “One week,” Eve reminds her. 

“It’s a date. Don’t forget the other stuff,” Māra returns to Eve. 

“I wouldn’t dare forget it.”

Māra slips away, a grin painting her face. Eve and Calum both wait for her to fully exit the hallway before they slip into the room wordlessly together. Eve’s already gotten into the habit of keeping any quarrels the two of them have away from the kids if they can. 

“What did you do?” Calum asks. He’s past the moment of patience and formalities. The thought that Eve might’ve been potentially involved scratched at his brain a couple days after Kiri got the text. But then it faded as they prepared for the holidays. It had to fade away because between coordinating his mother’s arrival into town, getting all the presents wrapped, and helping Kiri get his trip to New Mexico finalized, there was no time for the half crocked idea to fester. But now his mother’s gone, Kiri’s texted him that he’s safely arrived in New Mexico with his friends. Now, there’s plenty of time to think. 

Calum’s gut knows though. As he thought about the timing of it all and the way Kiri described Brynna--her apology just didn’t add up. Before Eve’s lip curl, Calum’s next sentence is already falling from his throat. “That girl was never going to say anything.  Then the day after I mentioned it to you, she came back with an apology. I couldn’t worry about it before. Too much was happening. But now, I've been thinking and I need to know. What did you do?”

“I had someone speak with her,” Eve returns. It’s as simple as that. There’s no beating around the bush. Eve just answers the question. She did. She only had someone speak with her--in her dreams. There would be no way to prove anything. What would Brynna say? She was met with her literal demons in her dreams and had a change of heart. What would it sound like? Just a girl who might’ve seen the errors of her way. 

But not to Calum--clearly. 

Calum knows better though. Even if it’s a shock that Eve’s not playing some joke or using a riddle, there’s still something underneath her words. “Speak with her or scare the shit of her. I know you, Eve. You don’t play fair or nice.”

“They sound the same to me.”

Calum huffs, pacing the length of the room. There’s the old Eve. Or maybe the truth is Eve would always be who she was. There was nothing new or old about it. It is just Eve. Calum spins approaching Eve. She stands so still and sometimes Calum worries when she freezes like this she’s preparing for something awful. She never flinches away though. Calum’s always cognizant to give her a couple feet in these kinds of situations. For a moment, his heart pangs in his chest that she’s prepared for something, someone to hit her. But then he thinks about Kiri and his brain clicks back onto the track he needed it on. 

“Why did you do it?” Calum questions. Intent didn’t always negate the effect. Eve’s intention wouldn’t undo the fact that she’d interfered. Her intentions wouldn’t undo the fact that it opened a wound for Kiri that had potentially been scabbing over. But her intentions would settle Calum’s nerves. He’d know more about what Eve was hoping to accomplish. 

“I thought it would help give Kiri closure.”

“Did it seem like it worked?”

“Not in the slightest,” Eve returns. It’s honest. Calum catches the blinks. Eve’s trying to keep her emotions at bay. He can’t tell if it’s anger, or tears from remorse. But something about the way things worked out seems to be striking a cord in Eve. 

“Do you regret it? Whatever you did.” He won’t ever know and maybe it’s for the best that he doesn’t know. Then he doesn’t have to worry about almost spilling it to Kiri. 

“I regret that it hurt Kiri further. I don’t know if I feel remorse for thinking it would work.”

Another truly honest Eve sentiment. Always sorry for the damage, not always sorry for the attempt. Calum doesn’t fault her. He’d briefly considered trying to find this girl himself, having words with her or her parents maybe. But it’s not his life that must be lived. It’s Kiri’s life. Anything they did would impact him. Calum gets it. And now Eve’s learned the hard way. 

“We cannot tell Kiri about this. He cannot find out you meddled.”

“I’ll take it to my grave,” Eve promises. Whatever her grave looks like, whatever it means for Eve to take something into her death. 

Calum exhales. She is good at keeping secrets. She never looked like she was hiding something. But the timing of it all was just too suspicious for Calum. He takes her hands into his, but Eve gently slips them back to her side. Calum doesn’t fight her. “Please don’t meddle in my kids' lives anymore, okay? Please don’t do it again. I won’t ask again. So if you promise it right now, it is for the rest of their natural lives. Understood? I don’t care if they’re 82. Please do not meddle in their lives.”

“Understood,” Eve whispers. “I really am sorry it hurt Kiri more. I never intended for that.” Her voice cracks a little and Calum sees it. How much Eve hadn’t meant to make things worse. Sometimes natural consequences are the best teacher. 

“You wanted to help,” Calum concedes. “But talk to me first. When it comes to my children, please talk to me first before you do anything. Unless it’s something to save them. You can be so literal sometimes and I have to cover my ass.”

Eve snorts at the jab and uses the back of her hands to wipe at her cheeks. “I will.”

Calum opens his arms, the question of a hug lingering in the gap. Eve steps into his chest. He imagined this conversation to be more like pulling teeth. Eve would make a joke or give some sort of riddle response to be sarcastic. He’d tried to remind himself Eve was who she was, and her tactics weren’t always the most conventional. But Eve stripped down her walls. She’d been honest without too much sarcasm. “They sound the same to me,” he snorts in a taunt. “Smartass.”

 “Don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to with me.”

“You used to not answer. I used to have to ask and call you out for being a stubborn ass in order to get an answer.”

“Now when you do ask, you get truth. Ain’t it unpleasant.”

Calum inhales, nose filling with the scent of Eve’s shampoo. “It’s growth for you. Even if it’s a pain in my ass.”

“That’s my job.”

“You weren’t ever going to say anything, were you?”

“I know you wouldn’t be a fan of my methods,” Eve returns. 

“You were right.” Calum pulls back, taking her face into his palms. “Did you mean it, when you promised about staying out of their lives like this?”

“I meant it when I promised, Calum.” Eve knows Calum needs the reassurance so she’s happy to supply. “Swear it on with my life. Let the Big Guy strike my dead.”

Both of them are silent--waiting. Nothing comes. No hiss of pain from Eve. No flash of lightning. Calum exhales. “Okay, okay. No more meddling for you.”

Eve nods. “No more meddling in your kids’ lives.” Calum can’t help the laugh. Of course Eve would be quite specific about the term of her promise. But he wouldn’t expect anything else. 

**********************

Calum’s knocked, figuratively but also a little literally, on his ass when he calls up the stairs to get Eve and Māra to descend and both of them are already standing at the top of the stairs. Eve gives Māra’s curls one more quick swipe through with her fingers. But he’s more taken aback by the tight black dress Eve’s in. The see-through cape on her shoulders shows off how tight the skirt of the dress is. It stops about three inches or so from her ankles. But it hides very little of her figure. Not that Calum ever thinks Eve needs to hide. He’s just gotten so used to her looser clothes. Still flattering, but not as tight. There’s something like lace he thinks in the details of the dress, but he can’t quite tell from this distance. Calum has to tear his gaze away lest he have another situation to deal with at the ball in and of itself. 

He clears his throat, head dropping to handle the sight he just took in of Eve’s brown skin in the black dress, how the material hugs her curves. His fingertips tingle just a little with the arousal. 

“Calum, if you shout once more for us, you and I will have a problem,” Eve returns with a grin. “We needed to be done by 7:30 to make it on time. What time is it again?”

Calum glances down at his watch. “Seven thirty on the dot.”

“Exactly,” she faces him now from the top of the steps.

He catches the lace flowers now on the front of the dress. The cape around her shoulder has flowers too. He’d know that dress anywhere. He’d know it in a heartbeat. Her wedding dress. It’s not as long or flowy as it was when she wore it originally. But there it is with new life in front of his eyes. Calum knows his mouth is agape but he can hear the giggles. “I-sorry,” he starts. 

“I think you’ll catch flies, Dad, with your mouth hanging like that.”

Calum brings his gaze over to Māra dawned in Kelsie’s  reworked reception dress. There’s a second set of sleeves that have been added, and some of the length taken up. But Māra’s covered to her neck is lace. He can tell by the applique lace detailing that sits higher than the original neckline. But she still looks gorgeous. She looks so grown up, much more than he’s used to seeing. 

“I think the two of you have officially sent me to an early grave,” Calum breathes out. He clutches his chest as he ascends the stairs. When he gets to the top he gently twirls Māra to a full view. “You look beautiful, sweetpea.” 

“Thanks, Dad. Do you think we did Mom’s dress justice?”

Calum nods. His throat seized for a moment. The tears are going to fall. He’s not going to be able to stop it either. “Hands down, sweetpea. There is no doubt in my mind that Kelsie would be so incredibly proud to see you in her dress.”

“Dadm if you cry I’m going to cry,” Māra starts. Her voice wavers too. “And then I’m going to ruin my makeup.”

Calum exhales and it’s shaky. “I think you need to prepare for your mascara to run.” 

He tries to do what he can to snuck back his tears. But he can’t. The tears slip down Calum’s cheeks and Māra’s tears are falling too. Eve hands them both tissues before they embrace each other. Calum wasn’t sure why Māra had snatched the dress when she did. He assumed it was maybe a desire to keep some part of Kelsie alive. So he never asked her directly. But now that he’s watching Māra come into her own and see how deeply she wants to honor her mother in the process, it overwhelms Calum. 

They embrace for a long while, even Calum knows it’s too long. But he doesn’t care. When they separate, he checks over Māra’s face. “Oh, no mascara that ran,” he reports. “A good sign.”

“Waterproof, sweetheart. It’s not going anywhere,” Eve laughs when Māra looks back to Eve. 

“You knew?” Māra asks. 

“Sure did. Was married to your father for seven years. I know he cries at everything,” Eve laughs. 

“He does, doesn't he?”

Once Eve is able to patch up Māra’s makeup, they descend down the steps. Eve does snap some candids but Māra’s insistent that they get any other photos while at the ball itself. It’s not a far trek to the truck once downstairs, but Eve helps with Māra’s dress and gets her safely inside. Calum starts to help Eve but he pushes back on the passenger door. “Your wedding dress?” Calum questions. He still can’t believe he’s seeing it again. Even like this. He can’t fathom that he’d be lucky enough to see it twice in his lifetime. 

It doesn’t sound like a bad question. There’s no malice. He just sounds breathless at the prospect. “Too much?” Eve questions. 

Calum shakes his head. “No, no. I’m just floored. It looks fucking incredible. You look, God. I don’t have the words for how amazing you look.”

Eve grins kissing at Calum’s freshly shaven cheek. “Thank you. Mar’s idea.”

“I’m raising a genius,” he laughs, cracking open the passenger door. 

Eve climbs in easily and he catches sight now of the clear heels she’s dawning, rhinestones scattered over the pointed toes. It shows off the dark blue toenail polish. As much as Calum loves this outfit on Eve, he daydreams on the drive over peeling her out of it. He can keep the daydreams in check the second he arrives at the avenue because Calum realizes that he is wildly out of place here. Kelsie was usually the one that handled this stuff. She took Māra to the classes, and balls. He always had emotional support on lock to reassure Māra that she always looked brilliant in her dress, but it was Kelsie’s role to partake of this world. She understood the rules. Calum definitely did not. 

He’s not sure if Eve knows better than him. Calum probably should’ve asked if she did. Part of it was an assumption. Eve would have to know more than he did. He was banking on it and now as he’s walking arm in arm with Māra, he glances over to Eve to see if he’s alone in his floundering. Eve looks regal, walking every so slightly ahead of them to get the door. There’s nothing on her face that makes him think she’s totally lost. Either it was a good sign or it was a massive fuck up. Time would surely reveal which one it is. 

At the entrance there is a line of girls and their mothers. They crowd seemingly first at the desk to check in and then at the photographers line at the opposite end of the entryway. Māra reaches for Eve’s elbow and at the contact, Eve extends it without question. Calum catches the way Eve squeezes Māra’s hand just a little as they approach. It’s easy enough to check in--name, number of guests to confirm, and then she’s given the table she’ll be seated at rattled off by a father who looks just as haggard as Calum is sure to feel at the end of all this. 

“Photos first, if that’s okay. While we still look put together.”

Neither Eve nor Calum object to Māra’s question. They continue on and join the line of people waiting for their turn with the photographer. The line is shortening, which is a good thing. Perhaps the few minutes they got sidetracked at home served them well in the long run. “Do you want photos with just your Dad?” Eve asks once they settled into the line. 

Calum hears what she’s really asking: Do you want photos without me? He doesn’t fault the question. If the tables were turned, he’d be asking the same. 

Māra shakes her head. “I’d like a group shot of all three of us. Then one with just dad and then one with just you.”

“Sounds good,” Eve smiles. She can feel the quiver in her own lip as Māra holds a little tighter to her. 

“Oh my god, Māra!” A younger girl squeals as she steps out of the auditorium. She approaches as fast as she can in her heels. Eve and Calum take a step back as the two girls embrace. 

“Hi, Vee,” Māra laughs, embracing the girl tightly. 

“You look AH-MAZING. Seriously--where did you get the dress??

“It’s-it’s my mom’s old dress. Redesigned it a little. Love the eye makeup by the way. Eve,” Māra pauses and turns to look at Eve. “Eve helped me with the dress. She literally did everything.”

Eve’s wave is tiny, but her head nod is more noticeable. “Hi, Vee.”

“Oh, you’re Eve. You’re, like, hot,” Vee laughs. “Love the black and cape moment.”

“Th-thanks.” Eve’s not sure what she’s supposed to say in response. She’s not sure if it’s code for Eve looks two decades younger than the other mother’s here or if it’s just a compliment. 

The two girls fall into an easy cadence with promises to find each other inside. They’re sitting a table way from each other which doesn’t seem to worry them at all. Perhaps all the adults already understand that the children are going to rearrange their seats to be closer together unless otherwise needed. 

They move up the line as another mother and daughter exit the space in front of the backdrop. Eve stays a little behind Māra and Calum when they move, but Māra reaches back. There’s something in her gaze that Eve catches. Maybe it’s just how Māra widens her eyes just a little and then settles when she realizes Eve hasn’t gone far. 

“Force of habit,” Eve whispers and then slips in next to Māra. 

“Just didn’t want you to disappear on me.”

Eve shakes her head. “No, I won’t disappear on you.”

The line continues to move swiftly and before they realize, it’s Māra who steps up. She settles into the middle, Eve on her left and Calum on her left. “Three poses?” The photographer asks. 

“Four,” Māra corrects. “Group, two duos, one single.”

“Sounds good. Group first. Squeeze in tight,” she directs waving Calum to slide in a bit more. “Perfect. Big smiles, in one, two, three.”

The light flashes from above and Eve prays she didn’t blink. Calum gets a photo with Māra first, then he steps back to allow Eve to step into frame. Māra smiles as Eve closes the three foot gap she created to make sure she wasn’t in frame. “Okay?” Eve asks. 

Māra nods. “Yeah.”

“Specific pose?”

Māra laughs. “Eve just stand here, it’s okay.”

“I have to make sure,” Eve giggles before she rests a hand gingerly around Māra’s waist. They both turn back to the photographer, who counts them down again. It’s another flash and then Eve shuffles over to Calum while Māra gets her solo pose. 

“A set of 5x7 digital prints will be available at the next meeting,” the photographer states. There’s no wait for confirmation. Just waving on the next set of people. Māra leads the both of them back into the auditorium. The dance floor has been clearly marked by the DJ booth and a seat of tables. It’s rectangular and empty, but that doesn’t seem to stop the girls from gathering all around their tables. 

The air feels stuffy in here, but they continue on, finding the table marked with an 18. The entire time Eve walks next to Māra she spies the heads that turn. There it is--the gossip. There is a chance that it’s just a surprise about Māra given the loss of her mother. But when a mother looks away quickly after catching eyes with Eve, Eve knows that just behind that shock with Māra is the whispers about her appearance. But Eve continues on because Māra asked her to be here and Eve would not back out of it just because of some looks. 

Their table is empty but it’s clear where others may be joining them. Māra just gets her phone from Calum before someone else calls out her name. Māra spins and spots Vee and two other girls walking behind her. They hike up their dresses as they walk around the chairs. “Someone got caught trying to spike the punch,” Vee laughs before she’s even closed the distance. 

“What?” Māra returns. “There’s like parents literally everywhere.”

“Maybe it was a parent,” a shorter girl theorizes. “I think I might need a drink to survive this thing.”

Calum and Eve smile to themselves before they settle down at the table. The girls huddle together, voices harmonizing at moments with their laughter. “Maybe we should’ve snuck some flasks inside,” Calum jokes. 

“Can you keep up?” Eve returns.

“I’m not that old.”

“You-you can go mingle,” Eve returns. She’s the one out of place.

Calum grimaces a little. “This was Kelsie’s scene. I’m not even sure anyone would remember me.”

“Oh, it’s so good to see you, Māra. I’m glad you came out tonight.” 

Calum and Eve turn to the exclamation to see a mother whose approached the group. Calum leans in, whispering into Eve’s ear. “Barbara-- the the last I heard of her, she’s the debutante’s Queen Bee. No one really likes her. Her daughter hasn’t made an appearance yet. Her family’s got money in this I think. Or founded this. I can’t remember exactly.”

Calum squeezes Eve’s hand and she turns back to face Calum. He reaches for the empty glass in front of his place setting. “Can you spot the peach ball of tulle coming in from the left?”

Eve slowly glances up from her place card to take in the dancefloor and spots the hurried steps and a blur of pink from her right. Eve doesn’t move her head, just lets her eyes drift as far as they can before turning them to center.  “Moving like lightning?” Eve questions 

“Barbara’s right hand--Julie. They’re more often enemies than friends from what Kelsie told me. But they plan the ball together each year.”

“Hmm,” Eve returns, mouth turning down into almost a frown before bouncing back into a neutral line. “Maybe Julie’s the one who snuck in the booze.”

“If I had to guess, it might’ve been Patrick. He’s Barbara’s husband. He doesn’t do anything but show up under the guise of protection and then drinks himself into a slumber an hour into the festivities.”

Eve grins looking up to Calum. His gaze has settled behind her, no double keeping tabs on Māra. “For someone who said this wasn’t their scene. You seem to know a lot.”

“Oh,” Calum laughs. “I love the drama. My favorite part of these things were picking Kelsie and Māra up and hearing all the gossip. Last year, someone didn’t keep their daughter’s dress on theme and was nearly refused at the door.”

“So parents don’t have a dress code?”

Calum looks back to Eve. “I don’t think technically they do. The kids who attend do”

“I assume if Barbara’s got anything to say it might be very frowned upon to dress in dark colors.”

“Eve, you look amazing.” He wonders if Eve’s bringing this up because she’s worried. She wouldn’t have known and he didn’t really have a full mind to double check either. With everything else, he didn’t think it would matter what Eve wore. 

Eve shakes her head, turning back. Barbara’s passed on, approaching another group of girls who have huddled together. She passes by their time. “Nice to see you again, Calum. Thanks for bringing Māra back again this year,” she smiles and then continues right now. There’s not even a smile and nod in Eve’s direction. 

Eve raises her brows as the blatant dismissal of her presence. Calum takes Eve’s hand into his. The hold tightens and Eve knows what Calum is begging her: let it go. Please let it go. “I smell a rat,” Eve hisses. 

“Baby, please,” Calum starts. Eve smells something else too. She smells trouble in the water. Eve hopes Barbara enjoys the flattering now. Eve will not be ignored. As petty as it is, she wouldn’t stand for such blatant disrespect. Barbara continues on to make some rounds and then lands at the table with finger foods and drinks. Eve squeezes at Calum’s hand, and then pushes up from the table. 

“Punch?” she asks Calum. Eve doesn’t really wait for a response before heading towards the table with the finger foods and the drinks. This could all fall apart if Calum gets up and follows her. Maybe it should all fall apart. But Eve continues on towards the table. “Lovely event,” Eve returns, grabbing two cups. 

Barbara turns, smiling as she does. “Thank you. I put blood, sweat, and tears each year to make this a lovely event for the girls.”

“Oh, so it’s all you?” Eve questions. The first cup fills and she sets it down before grabbing the second. 

“Yes, yes, a lot of hard work.”

“I hope it continues to pay off each year for you.”

“You-you have to be new around here.” Barbara narrows her gaze just a little. It looks like she might be trying to assess who Eve might be here with, but Eve knows differently. She’s a scrutinizing gaze rooted a little in displeasure. Eve is a beacon in the sea of white and pinks in black. She is clearly disturbing the status quo. 

“Māra, Calum’s daughter. She asked me to be her escort.”

“Oh,” Barbara’s face falls into the perfect picture of sympathy. “Oh, it’s quite sad. Isn’t it? I’m glad she has you though--family is so important in these times. It’s nice when families can rally together. And excuse me, for being rude and prying. It’s just, well,” Barbara gives a tiny grimace decorated around a smile as if that alone will excuse what she’s about to ask. “Māra’s only mentioned having one aunt before. So I mean imagine my confusion when you show up.”

Eve sets the ladle back into the bowl. “Oh, silly me. Māra only has the one aunt on her dad’s side. His sister is a sweetheart but couldn’t make the flight from the UK in time. Excited to see what the rest of the night brings from such excellent ball planning,” Eve returns, plastering a smile on her face. She picks up the drinks and gives a tiny wave from her free fingers before turning back in the direction of the table. Once Eve is six feet or so from the drink table, she drips the fake smile, “Fake bitch.”

Calum’s eyes are zeroed in as she approaches. Māra’s returned to their table and Eve sets a drink down in front of them. “See you met Mrs. Dunkins,” Māra smirks. 

“She’s a big personality,” Eve returns.

“Do I need to be worried?” Calum asks. 

“Oh, I just introduced myself since she left so fast from our table. Good first impressions,” Eve smiles. 

“Your fake smile is good,” Māra giggles into her cup of punch. “You left that table like you could’ve murked her. Thanks for the punch.”

“You’re welcome, Māra.” Eve doesn’t say that she wanted to give Barbara more than just a heart attack. But perhaps the revelation she’d dropped would be enough. A few moments later someone taps at the microphone. The order of the night is read off--a fully catered meal will come after a few speeches. An intermission will be briefly held which will bleed into some dancing. Dancing will be free for everyone first and then the mother-daughter dance will come halfway through. It feels like a full night. 

And it would quicker to go if not for the fact that almost every mother in the place stops at their table. It’s so good to see you marries in with Oh, I love that you’re here. Going to dance with Dad? and that collides in with If you want me to dance with you, Māra during the mother-daughter dance just let me know. You know where to find me. The sentiments are all meant to be pure but each person pours it one after another it starts to feel like cement. It’s sealing up Māra’s throat. By the time she gets her chicken and rice with asparagus on the side, she thinks she might choke just at the sight of the food. 

How will Māra survive with every pitiful stare pinned to her? Can this much sympathy kill a person? Māra smiles at every passing comment because what is she supposed to say? Is she supposed to tell them she’s starting to regret her choice? Is Māra supposed to just nod and give them platitudes like they are giving her? It feels much too transactional. Māra’s starting to second guess how to be human herself. Māra excuses herself to the bathroom, lifting the skirt of her dress just a little to give her a longer stride. She falls into the doors and the brightlight of the hall. 

She finds the bathroom and falls into the sink. Her reflection is watery. Tears. Those are tears. “You’re okay,” she whispers to herself. “You’re okay. They’re just being nice.”

Māra wishes they weren’t being nice. She wishes they’d ignore her. She wishes she could disappear. How did Eve do it? How did she handle the stares? Māra waves in front of a paper towel dispenser and gets a wad before carefully dabbing the rough materials under her eyes. She can do it. Eve does it. Eve keeps her head high when she walked into that room. When Eve approached Mrs. Dunkins, she never dropped her head. Her mother always knew just how to avoid the feathers that could  be so easily ruffled. Eve ruffled them. What would Māra do? Would Māra be able to placate the rest of evening? Would she cause a scene?

“You’re not Eve. You’re not your mother,” Māra exhales. She’s neither one of those women. But those are all the women she knows to replicate. 

Eve keeps her eyes on the doors. Māra’s plate is covered, still waiting for her even though the rest of them have been taken to the kitchen. Eve insisted on keeping it just in case Māra still wanted more. The music is rattling around them, lights low. But Eve keeps her eyes trained on the doors for Māra to come back through them. 

“Do you think she’s okay?” Eve asks. 

“I-I don’t know. But I’m getting nervous too,” he admits. 

“Don’t let them take her plate,” Eve directs to Calum. “I’ll find her.”

The high lights hurt for just a moment and then Eve adjusts her pupils and the amount of pain reduces rapidly. Eve can see where they checked in, the photo station. And then just to the right of the photo’s backdrop and across from the check in tables are the bathroom. Eve carries herself to the doors. The entrance feeds to a corner and when Eve rounds it, she spots Māra leaning against the sinks. Her sniffles echo off the tiles. 

“Mar?” Eve states quietly. 

“I’m okay,” Māra returns. “I just--they kept asking me about that stupid fucking dance. It’s one dance. My mother’s dead. But I don’t, I don’t need all the sympathy. It’s too much.”

Eve’s heels click as crosses to Māra. She’s gentle as she takes hold of Māra’s elbow. “Sweetheart, fuck them. Fuck every single one of them. If you want to dance, if you don’t want to dance, fuck ‘em.”

“Mom would’ve said they were just being nice.”

“And Kelsie would’ve been right. And I would’ve been right too. They are being nice. But fuck them because they don’t know what it feels like to have that much attention. They’re trying to show they care. But fuck them because they’re also expressing that kind sentiment to prove how nice they are and how much they do care. None of them called you. None of them dried your tears. Your dad did. You dried your own tears. But not them. Sure, they want to be nice. But also fuck them and niceties too sometimes.”

“That’s not very nice.”

“I’m not,” Eve answers to the question underneath. “So fuck me too.”

Māra snorts. Eve takes Māra’s hand now. “I-I can’t leave without trying.”

“I won’t leave your side,” Eve promises.

Māra’s grip is tight around Eve’s palm. “You won’t let go?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Eve is careful to clean what she can of Māra’s tears and they return to the auditorium hand in hand. The lights have lifted just a little. Where it’s clear the bodies have been swaying freely they slow. “Mothers, find your daughters. We have two minutes till dance time,” the DJ calls out. 

The entire room shifts. Daughters turning from the groups. Mother’s pushing out of their chairs. Eve squeezes as Māra’s hand and they continue on towards the dancefloor. She prays--to God himself--that he does interrupt this moment. She’d ignore it. This would be a first but she would do it for Māra. They breach the dance floor, the first mother-daughter duo to break the seal. Eve looks to Māra and when Māra looks back, she nods. “You’re okay,” Eve whispers. 

“Thirty seconds to dance,” the DJ calls back out. 

The entire floor floods at the warning. Māra spins to face Eve. They didn’t practice this. Māra and her mother would practice every year before the dance. But not her and Eve. Eve doesn’t seem to hesitate like Māra does. She steps in closer. Māra’s not sure where to put her hands. She always held her mother’s waist, slip her head onto her mother’s shoulder. Could she do the same with Eve? They start initially with a bit of distance. Arms looped around shoulders, they take it slow. It’s awkward. As Māra thinks too much about where her feet are and what this might look like to the outside, she feels hot under the lights. 

Māra, taking in the sight of how deep the pocket around them, trips a little. Eve’s there, arms sliding around her waist to keep her upright. Her body is warm and firm. Māra ducks her head into Eve’s shoulder for a moment. “Everyone’s staring,” she whispers, letting herself follow Eve’s lead now. 

Eve keeps Māra close, letting their arms readjust to the new hold. Māra allows herself to slide in a little closer. It’s not bad, here, feeling as if Māra might be able to hide away in the safety of Eve’s catch. 

“Do I seem like the type people really want to make mad?” Eve whispers back after a beat of silence. 

Māra snorts. There’s the response she was waiting for. When she looks out, chin resting on Eve’s shoulder, Māra can see how there are a lot of stares. But maybe they don’t really matter. Maybe Eve was right. Fuck them. Māra had asked Eve here because she knew Eve wouldn’t care about the stares. Eve would be able to weather the storm.

Eve’s voice is soft as she continues on over the violins. Her chest and throat rumble as she speaks to Māra. “Haven’t you noticed every dress in here is white, cream, blush, ivory, or pink. I am sticking out like a store thumb in black. Let me be your shield. If we’re no longer enemies, let me protect you.”

“You-you can’t protect me. Not when this ends and I go to the meetings. They’ll still talk.”

“Then I’ll come with you, yeah? If they want to talk they’ll have to say it to my face. I think the whole lot of these women are all talk and no bite.” Eve pauses in the sway, but the two of them are still tightly embraced. Would Māra let Eve protect her? Would Māra trust Eve enough? “Aren’t your feet killing you by now in those shoes?”

Mara’s not sure where Eve’s going with the whole question. But something tells Māra she had better be honest with the answer. So she nods. “Yes.”

“Mine too.” Eve pulls away for a moment, before slipping the shoes from her feet. She whistles and it immediately catches Calum’s attention. It undoubtedly catches the attention of everyone else in the vicinity. Calum stands and she waves the shoe before he catches on, hands coming up to catch them. The other stares continue--Māra sees them, stares back at those who are staring for a moment. Mothers and daughters around them all watch Eve spiral her heels--one at a time--across the dance floor to Calum waiting at their table. It’s not a deep throw, but it’s not a toss either. 

He catches them. One after another with ease. Calum doesn’t take a seat though. Eve turns to Mara. “Would you like to get rid of your shoes?”

Māra takes a look around. Let me be your shield. Is this Eve taking the hit? She was the youngest looking by several decades, the most eccentric by a mile even with Māra breaking the length requirement, and now Eve was making an utter fool of herself. But Māra nods and Eve kneels, hiking her dress up as she goes. Her hands are warm on Māra’s ankle but the strap loosen on one shoe and Māra balances on Eve’s shoulder while Eve takes the shoe from underneath her feet. The dance floor is rougher than she anticipated. Her other strap loosen too and when Eve stands, she sends Māra’s heel in a spiral down to Calum too. 

“Don’t you hate having to dance to this music too? I find it rather boring,” Eve huffs. “I mean, this artist has been dead a hundred years at least. There’s got to be something more hip to dance to.”

Māra snorts at Eve’s use of hip. Sure Mar could handle phrases like modern, up to date, but not hip. Hip is trying too hard to be cool. “Eve, I believe it’s meant to be traditional. But I do agree, rather boring,” Māra giggles. 

“I swear they gave me a fourth a chicken breast on my plate on purpose too,” Eve continues on. If Māra’s afraid of being the fool, of looking out of place, Eve will make sure she’s never looked more normal. “Was it the cook trying to tell me I’m fat? Maybe it’s Barbara being cheap.” It’s a low jab, but it does the job. 

Māra’s laughter shakes her shoulders and she pulls herself into Eve. “Thank you,” she whispers in the hug.

Eve’s warmth radiates as she hugs back. “Anytime, Māra.”

“Let’s-let’s get out of here. I think I’d rather get a quarter pounder with extra cheese than deal with this. It’s not the same with mom, and you’re great. But I think it’s okay to let it go.”

Māra finds herself rooting into Eve’s touch even when the older woman tilts her chin back. “Your mother would be proud that you tried to come even without her. I told you I’d be a poor replacement for your mother. But what I should’ve said is that I’m a poor replacement because there is no replacing your mother. She is and will always be your mother. She will always be the one to handle debutantes like a true queen. She will always be the person who taught you how to do your makeup. I’m more like the drunk aunt. I can cause quite the scene but it is never filled with grace.”

“Maybe I just need a drunk aunt, then.”

“Maybe you do. Can I be that?”

Māra nods. Her eyes are misty but she so appreciates that Eve is not looking to replace her mother. She’d said it at this point almost a year ago when they were first introduced. But it just always felt like Eve was supposed to slot into that role. Who would Māra be without her mother or a mother figure? Maybe she would just be Māra. But right now, there’s nothing that will fit the hole her mother left behind. Eve was a square peg and Māra was trying to slot her into a round hole. 

“Yeah, can you just be my drunk aunt who gets me out of this place and to a Macca’s?” Māra had grown fond of that particular Australian slang and used it no matter which crowd she was with. 

Eve’s grin makes the skin around her eyes crinkle. “It would be my honor.” Eve slips an arm around Mara’s shoulder and walks her to the edge of the dancefloor, around the deserted tables to where Calum’s seated. 

He stands as they approach, noticing the way Māra’s chin wobbles. “Sweetpea,” he coos, taking her into his chest. 

“We need a Macca’s stat,” Eve relays, slipping back into her heels and grabbing Mar’s from the floor. “We don’t have time for shoes.”

“No time for shoes?” he snickers. They had plenty of time to get shoes on, but he doesn’t debate Eve. 

“No time,” Māra agrees, but she moves over to Eve. 

Eve slips the cape off her shoulders and hands it alongside Mara’s shoes to Calum before turning so her back faces Mar. “Hop on,” she directs, squatting down just a little. Mar gives a test push Eve’s shoulder and Eve holds steady. Then Māra leaps. Eve hooks her arms behind her knee caps, the dress not seeming to be an issue for either one of them. Calum watches Eve carry Māra on her back for a few steps and then realizes they’re leaving right now. He ensures he has his keys and wallet still in his suit jacket pocket alongside all their phones in his pants pocket. Both Eve and Māra had forgone purses and while it was a lot to juggle. He’s grateful his pockets are deep on his pants. Calum half jogs to catch up. Eve doesn’t so much as waver as she passes through the auditorium’s double doors. 

Calum gets ahead and holds the building door open as well. “I still think we had plenty of time for shoes,” he returns. 

He knows he’s poking the bull maybe a little. But his heart is going wild in his chest. Eve’s grinning as she carries Māra with ease and Māra, who originally looked five seconds from tears, smiles too. He’s not sure what happened on that dancefloor. He was watching them one minute, then catching heels the next. He thought maybe it was all good and settled back down. Now, the two of them are here: Māra being carried on Eve’s back. 

Māra laughs as she bobs just a little. “But this is ten times more fun. Also, I had no clue Eve was this strong. Like she’s not even shaking carrying me.”

“No, Eve is pretty strong. Doesn’t look it, but she is.” He unlocks the car doors as they approach and helps Mara get into the car without her bare feet touching the parking lot. She accepts her shoes and Eve’s cape as well. Calum knows all too well the drill and fishes out her phone too. It clacks with all the charms attached, but at least he never has to worry if he got his phone mixed up with hers. 

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Of course, sweetpea. Watch the cape,” he says gently. Mar makes sure to get all of Eve’s cape into the truck and then guides the door closed. 

“What happened? Why are we leaving?” Calum questions, pausing yet again tonight on Eve’s door to open it. 

“I gave her a scapegoat,” Eve answers. “Every mother in that building is either fake or spineless. It starts with Barbara and the entire crop is spoiled because of her. She ignores me. Then makes a comment about not knowing Māra had another aunt. She gets suffocated by sympathy and then when we dance everyone is staring. I gave Māra what she needed. If she thinks they were going to gossip just because of how I looked or how I dressed, then they will surely have a field day tomorrow or next week or next meeting to talk about me. But if there’s anything I could do for your daughter, it is going to be that I could protect her. They can talk all they want about me now, but they surely won’t have anything to say about her.”

“You-you took the hit,” Calum concludes. He wondered why Eve started to throw shoes, but again, he was going to question it. Was it proper etiquette? No, even Calum knows that, but he’ll be damned if he tries to undermine Eve. 

“I’d do it again.”

He noticed the looks too. He didn’t want to say anything in the event that Māra didn’t notice them. But she had. Because of course she would notice them. They were hard to miss as everyone’s head turned in their direction time after time. It was starting to get predictable. Perhaps a fake good impression and tossed heels are the best outcome for a situation that might’ve been doomed from the start. 

But Eve had done something Calum couldn’t do. He couldn’t make everyone else in that room understand. He couldn’t make everyone else in that room stop looking. But Eve--Eve knows that when you can’t beat them, you join them. She made herself a shield so when the sword hit, it hit her. Not Māra. Of course, Māra wouldn’t be completely spared. But she’d always been protected as much as she could have been. It is not perfect. They could’ve made a quiet exit. They could’ve slipped away. The rumors would circle how Māra left during the mother-daughter dance--how sad about her grief still. But the story would be much livelier now. Māra would’ve attempted the challenge head on. They don’t need perfection when they have earnesty. 

 Calum takes Eve’s cheeks between his palms. Eve’s lips purse together just a little with the pressure. “I love you,” he whispers. “Thank you for looking out for Māra. Thank you for being there when I couldn’t. Thank you for doing the things I can't do sometimes.” Like causing a scene on purpose. Like calling Barbara out for what she is. Like giving Māra the space to take something head on, fail, but still have fun. 

Eve wraps her fingers around Calum’s wrists, and squeezes. “I love you. I do it with honor. Always.”

The kiss is short--in all relative time, they’re lips are not together longer than a few seconds. But the window’s motor whirs and the glass slides down. “I love love,” Māra teases, leaning her head out of the window.

Eve is the first one to break in the kiss. Her laughter shakes her and she turns ever so slightly to look at Māra. “Are we talking too long?”

“No, no, now that I’m out of the dance. I don’t really care. But I do want that quarter pounder.”

Calum laughs next. It was Māra’s way of saying at least some time tonight. He presses two more kisses to Eve’s cheek and then pulls away to open the passenger side door for Eve. “Okay, Macca’s. Got it. We’re going. I’m clearly way too distracted for Mar’s taste.”

Māra holds the greasy brown bag securely in her lap, rustling through the items stacked inside. “Three fries. Two burgers. One ten piece nugget with barbecue sauce,” she calls out. 

“I have one sweet seat, one coke, one bottle of water,” Eve rattles off. Satisfied none of their items are missing, Calum nods and then sets off back for the house. 

The night is thick, but the crinkle of the bag in Māra’s hand as she walks up the front steps is enough to cut through it. It feels a little less suffocating for Māra now. The balls would be too full of her mother. Everyone there would still be comparing something that had been lost and never gained again. Pointless for them to circle around because Māra’s not there anymore. She’s not sure where she is, but she knows where she is not. Māra is not the same girl to go to balls with her mother anymore. Māra might be the girl to dress in fancy clothes and get burgers. She might be the girl to call up Eve just to complain. She night the girl who still misses her mother but can let the miss wash over and ride through, but not consume. 

The trio of them don’t make it further than the couch. Eve does make a run to the linen closet to grab some towels for Calum and Māra. The last thing she wants for them is to get ketchup on their white clothes. But she makes quick work to come back to the couch in the end. Māra pats the cushion next to her and Eve holds out a towel before settling down. 

There are few words as they work down their respective meals until Māra sucks down another sip of her coke. “Hey, Eve?”

“Yes, Māra?” Eve returns, polishing off the last of her nuggets. 

“What’s your workout regime? I wanna be buff too.”

“It starts when you piss off God.”

[alice-escapes]

JP has a serious issue with patience and managing his expectations. As in, he’s incapable of both. He flies off the handle over something disproportionately minor and makes a thoughtless decision that has major ramifications, then expects everyone who is inconvenienced to fail in line because he wants what he wants. Anyone expressing dissent are his enemies.

He had been renting a room in a house with too many people and too much drama. Early in July he reached meltdown status. Someone had gone into his room, taken some tree and left $5 to cover it. He decided that the best recourse was to move out, no notice, and move in with his mother. Who was living in a rental house with his sister, her husband and their three kids, plus JPs youngest daughter, who his mother had been raising with no help from him or his daughter’s mom. He didn’t ask the people who were on the lease if they were happy to have him move in, and if they were, give notice to the woman he’d been subletting from. He packed his stuff into his car and mine and drove across town. Surprise, the prodigal son returns.

By the time we got everything there, it was 10 or 11 at night. His mother took it with exhausted resignation. She told me many times that it was easier to give him what he wanted right away because he would get it in the end anyway. His sister, however, put up a fight, so he got loud and finally I walked out unnoticed and went home. I was over all of it and all of them for the night.

When I got up for work the following morning, I had a text from him. His cousin had died during the night before, a heroin overdose. I did what I always did, and put him ahead of everything else. He wanted to hide from everyone, and I booked a hotel room for the week. When we met there at checkin, I heard the full story. The salient points:

While he and his sister fought the night before, he got a call from his niece, her dad was passed out and could JP help her and her mom move him. JP called after the sibling screaming match ended and all was well. They found him in the morning, not an overdose but a contributing factor. JP blamed himself, and I was never able to make him see reason and absolve himself of the blame.

I was immediately frightened when I saw him. He had a thousand yard stare, and was almost catatonic. I was so scared that he would follow his cousin into the grave, overdose himself. I watched him sleep every night for a week, until he suddenly became everybody’s best friend on Friday, except mine. He was gone all night, didn’t respond to my calls and texts asking where he was. That would be the new normal for the duration, and was the beginning of almost a year of my constant vigilance, focused on his wellbeing. I seemed to think that if he was lying dead somewhere, I could bring him back to life if only I could divine his location.

I could see him spiraling. He was running, partying for days, and I had no idea where or with who or what drugs he was taking. I could hardly sleep unless I was able to find proof of life. I checked call and text history on my cell phone account, where I paid for his service too, looking for outgoing communication. We had a joint bank account that was really his but I had to manage and I tracked transactions to assure me he was ok. And in June the following year, I gave up. I was so worn out and I could finally see the futility of what I had been doing. He was on a mission to destroy himself and he did not want me to save him. I couldn’t have saved him even if he did, because he was gone from me by then. He grew hateful and nasty in response to my efforts to love him, care for him. Even when he dropped the pretense of fidelity, I was benevolent.

I was convinced that this was grief, misappropriated blame, that he was seeking punishment. If I could love him enough, the way he needed to be loved, he would become himself again. In volumes of letters, I told him that I knew he was flawed but I knew how good his heart was. I loved him, exactly as he was, and I always would. That somehow we were more permanent than marriage. I used to say blithely that the only thing that would keep us apart is if I moved somewhere he couldn’t find me or if one of us were dead. Anyone who said we had a fairytale, I told we were more like the 21st century version of Sid and Nancy. Glib comments that were frighteningly prescient in the wake of all that happened. At the time I intended to say we were fucked up and toxic but we were also the only ones who truly understood the other. I was so wrong about so many things.

However, I finally understood that I was unable to control everything in the universe. I let go of my nightly pacing, my imaginary widows walk. I was free to have my own life, my own friends, to be happy. We were living definitively separate lives because I couldn’t stand any of the people he associated with aside from his other cousin who had become like a brother. I was too old for that street shit he reveled in. He found the validation he craved in the people he got high with no charge, the silly bitches who were happy to bounce on his dick for the clouds he let them blow.

I held tightly to my hope that there was redemption somewhere ahead, that he could get better. But August came along and things got worse, and I first started thinking that he seemed like he wanted to destroy everything that was good in me.

[watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees]

Marci's Drabbles pt. 2

Acceptance letter

a short little drabble, one of a kind in my writing, because a character actually gets to be happy and free, after a little angst of course, enjoy <3

takes place roughly a month and a half after the previous drabble

masterlist

TW: implied captivity, drug use/addiction mention, caretaker leaves? how do I even tag that

She'd sent the application in months ago, almost forgot about it, until like five minutes earlier, when she opened the letter.

An acceptance letter.

"Dear Ms. Reed" it read "Congratulations! We're pleased to offer you admission to..."

Tricia teared up she could barely see the letters. She saw the emblem of the institution on the stamp on the envelope before she even opened it.

She was finally going to do what she'd been dreaming of. And her less than ideal - and highly illegal - side hustle had got her to a point it wouldn't be a problem to go.

She couldn't keep her voice even as she called her parents, she started sobbing immediately after they picked up. Scaring the hell out of them that something was wrong at first.

After she managed to explain, their tears of joy matched hers at the other end of the line. They promised to come over as soon as they got ready to celebrate.

...

She didn't realise just how many things needed to be done before she moved a couple states over.

After finally packing up her stuff in the small studio she rented, she'd taken all of it over to her parents', who ever since she'd moved out took over the room that used to be hers comfortably, so there was barely any space for her.

She found a nice little apartment just off campus, where she had to wait a couple of weeks to start taking her things to.

And then there was Wesley, who she hadn't really contacted yet. Tricia lamented over it for a while. As people, they got closer to each other in the past few weeks, not that she suddenly found something to like about him, but they spent a lot of time together. Tricia was only doing it for Marci, but was helping the man out by proxy as well. As employer and employee, it was going to be a rough conversation. She counted on their unfortunately close relationship to convince him not to outright refuse to let her go or kill her. She expected him to demand some form of compensation or something akin to that.

However much she trusted her intuition, she changed phone numbers, had her car repainted and replaced the licence plate after she filled out a bunch of forms and had a tedious phone call with some insurance person.

She walked to Wesley's for the last time, with a plan she kept reciting in her head over and over again even as she walked up to the porch.

She knocked and as always, Wesley opened the door. He frowned, confused.

"I wasn't expecting you today" he stepped aside, giving her way to walk in. He had learned from his earlier mistakes, that she would knock a shoulder into him if he didn't do so.

Tricia walked in, confidently, and turned around when he closed the door behind him.

"I quit" she steeled herself. His confusion just grew, twisting his face into an almost cartoonish expression.

"What? But what about-" he started.

"I came to say goodbye to Marci" she interrupted harshly. If she gave him a chance to talk she might never get through this conversation. "I'm moving away, I'm going to college."

"You can't just up and leave!" he barely found his voice, so what was supposed to be an angry shout only formed as a surprised plead.

"I'm not gonna narc on you, don't worry, I don't wanna end up behind bars for any of this."

"So- what? You- you'll what, work? Just go into debt paying for a worthless-"

"Not gonna work on me. You also went to college, asshole, I saved up enough. So... this is goodbye. Where is Marci?" Wesley, gestured towards her bedroom door, clearly taken aback.

"She's pretty out of it though" was the only thing he managed to say before Tricia left him standing in the entryway.

"Hi, honey" Marci was years older than her, but she couldn't help using the term of endearment. She smiled when she recognised her. She sat on the floor, with her back against the foot of the bed.

"Hey" she greeted, then her eyes trailed back to the curtains that hung over window that moved gently in the breeze coming through. She was mesmerised by it.

"I came to say goodbye to you" Tricia stood awkwardly in the doorway. It wasn't that the sight upset her, she was almost completely desensitised to it by then, but having to have this conversation, which Marci might not even remember upset her.

"Oh, why?" she didn't look at Tricia.

"I'm moving away to college" she wiped a tear away that managed to spill over her waterline against her best efforts not to let it.

"Hmm, college" Marci repeated. She definitely won't remember this, she noted sourly.

"Will you be okay here?" she asked and touched the little piece of paper she wrote her new number on for her. It burnt a hole in her pocket as she heard his footsteps get closer behind her. She didn't intend to give it to Marci anyway, but still brought it as some sort of reassurance that she could.

"I don't know" She wanted nothing more than to cry and run away, as far away from this place as humanly possible. And she feared if she didn't turn back immediately she might never leave. So she did and ran into Wesley's chest.

"Watch where you're going at least" he groaned.

"Sorry... Please take care of her" she looked up at the man with a fresh wave of tears brimming in her eyes.

"Of course, I will" Tricia didn't find that reassuring in the slightest.

"No, I mean, get her off the stuff and I don't know, help her build a life or something" She looked away, embarrassed that her words got jumbled up, and came out all wrong.

"That's- okay, whatever" he shrugged.

"Promise me?"

"That's stupid"

"Promise me"

"Okay, I promise. Are we good?" Tricia nodded. "Then go. Before I change my mind about letting you"

She was out the door before he finished the sentence and didn't dare look back.

[nel-world]

It's Jane, right?

Well, Jane, I gotta say,

this place is awesome.

- Really? Does it inspire awe?

- No. I mean, you know, it's great.

Just what I've been looking for.

That's what I meant.

I had an entire house before,

detached and all...

...but I was just tired of the lawn care,

upkeep and whatnot. You know?

Well, the blinds are new.

Everything's been painted.

Jesus.

Utilities are included.

Stacking. Sweet.

- You got cable?

- Already wired. Just call to activate.

High speed, whatever.

Bathroom, cool tile.

Bedroom.

Nice.

I'm a fan of the hardwood.

- So you're interested?

- Definitely. Definitely, yeah.

And you're good with NP, NS?

Sorry. What?

In the ad? No smoking, no pets.

You wanna smoke, you do it outside.

No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no.

It's cool. No worries.

All right, the usual drill. I'll need a W-2

or recent pay stub, current employer...

...former address, you know,

the yadda yadda.

And if it's all copacetic, I'll call.

Yeah. Look...

...the thing is...

...I can...

Unbelievable.

- I'm just currently between situations.

- Then I'm currently not renting.

Look, look, I got the money and

I'm totally good for it for, like, ever.

Come on, yo, can you please,

please just help a brother out?

Yo, my dad's not really

a make-exceptions kind of guy.

- Trust me.

- Your dad?

Owns the place. I manage it.

Pen on paper. That's what I need.

Or go run your game

somewhere else.

Dude, I got nowhere else to go.

This is it.

And I got no game, all right?

I just need a chance.

Look, my folks, they kicked me out.

I'm a disappointment, apparently.

Didn't meet their expectations again.

So you know, now

I'm persona non gratis or whatever.

But you know what?

I'm a good person and I work hard.

I will pay you every month

and I will pay you on time.

I will not mess this up, okay?

I swear.

Rent just went up.

A hundred more a month.

That's the cash price.

Yes.

Okay. Yes.

Hey, you rock. Thank you.

Thank you. You won't regret this.

And in addition to first and last,

I want two more months.

DBAA fee, non-refundable.

Yeah, of course. No problem.

DBAA. Obviously, yeah.

All right. So, what's DBAA?

- Don't be an asshole.

- Gotcha.

- I live next door.

- Really?

Don't think for one second you have

squatter's rights, because you don't.

If you blow this, I want you gone.

I know guys that'll have your skinny

ass out back by the Dumpster...

...faster than you can blink.

I'll fill it in. Just sign your name.

Which is what, by the way?

It's Jesse.

Jesse Jackson.

Seriously?

What?

///

MICHAEL

Look, you're the one that told Karen we'd have it all written out. There are gaps. Things we lost when we moved or stuff out of order.

JIMMY

Move.

MICHAEL

What?

JIMMY

This scene shouldn't be here. We had it at the top. We cut this song, this one too.

MICHAEL

What? We had a better version of this entire sequence. We worked on it all night, wasted, remember? Fourth of July.

JIMMY

I thought it was on my computer, but I can't find it anywhere.

MICHAEL

It's in my old notebook. Which I left back at— Forget it. I thought this was important to you.

JIMMY

We'll remember it. I'm sure.

MICHAEL

Not exactly how it was. You can't go back there, Jimmy. End of story.

///

You left your cave.

Yeah.

I was... I'm missing my TV.

Thinking maybe I'd hit Costco.

You know,

snag a big-ass wide-screen.

So...

Yeah.

What you drawing?

Damn.

That's good.

Make a hell of a tat.

That's the plan.

Really?

I work part-time, down at ABQ Ink.

Right on.

Yo, you're a real good drawer.

So there's this kid, right? He comes from a nothing family. You know, dad dies, mom remarries some animal, beats the crap out of him. The kid packs up. He lives on the streets. Drugs, stealing, you know, whatever. You've heard all this stuff before, which is why it's all done away with in the opening number. He hates the world. He thinks everybody's against him, which— He's probably right. He wishes he could show everyone how they really are.

I used to do a little of that.

You used to be a drawer too, huh?

What stopped you?

You know, just...

So tell me something.

What kind of tattoo artist

has no tattoos?

That's way too big a commitment.

Hey, man. You're Pinkman.

You're the man!

Everybody's been talking about you.

Yeah.

Right on, man. Keep it real.

"Pinkman, " huh?

Yeah.

I thought your name was "Jackson."

//

KAREN

I just called about you. Hey. Are you okay? What's going on? You don't look so good.

JIMMY

I may have done some drugs.

KAREN

Oh, you've definitely done some drugs. Which ones?

JIMMY

Nothing makes sense sometimes, you know?

KAREN

I know. Like, did I screw everything up? 'Cause, like, I was angry, and then Derek was angry, and then Kyle was angry. I mean, are you angry?

JIMMY

You're lying. Even like this, I see. I get so sick of letting everyone down. I am sick of it. It's like I do it all the time.

KAREN

Okay, let's go inside and get you some water. You can lie down in my dressing room.

JIMMY

Oh, no, I do not want to go in there.

KAREN

Jimmy.

JIMMY

Why? Why would I? So everyone can see what a mess I am?

KAREN

That's not why you go in there. You go in, so everyone sees you can handle rejection. It makes them respect you. I mean, when I didn't get Marilyn, that's what I did. I showed up for work.

JIMMY

So you really want me to go in there like this? You think that this shows that I can handle it?

KAREN

You're learning. You're getting a thicker skin.

JIMMY

I was waiting out here for you.

KAREN

You were?

JIMMY

I'm so glad you showed. Wow. Wow, and I'm not just saying that because I'm rolling.

KAREN

Let's try that again sometime when you're not high.

//

ACTOR 1

The songs are great.

KAREN

                So the boys have got some ideas about

                adding a couple of songs, but they

                need help with structure. Hope you're

                up for it.

                            ANA

                Up for what? You're not asking me to

                be a dramaturg, are you? You know

                full well my feelings about that.

                            KAREN

                Yeah? 'Cause the last time you used a

                dramaturg, it worked out pretty well

                for everyone. The boys have got

                talent, but they don't have time.

                They need a firm hand.

KAREN gives ANA a reassuring look.

JIMMY

The songs? That's all you have to say?

ACTOR 2

The concept's cool, but the dialogue and the characters...

JIMMY

Come on, guys, I can't be the only one who sees this.

ACTOR 3

Are you saying it was bad?

ACTOR 4

It just needs some work.

ACTOR 1

I wouldn't say "some."

JIMMY

No, you just didn't get it because it's not what you're used to. It's not Broadway.

ACTOR 2

Yeah, it's not good, so—

KYLE

//

Hey, yourself.

So listen. My...

My name is not really

Jesse Jackson.

It's Jesse Pinkman.

And that guy you met...

...he's not my dad.

You're not gonna kick me out,

are you?

Because I actually really like it here.

I don't make it my business

what you do.

So long as you don't do it here.

So, hey, I got this kick-ass

new flat-screen.

Wanna see?

It's got that thing where the blacks...

...are, like, you know,

really, really, really black.

And the Dolby six-point-whatever.

So it'll really rock the house.

But I'll, you know...

I'll keep it way down, of course.

I don't know what the hell

is taking so long.

Come on, come on.

JIMMY

I thought I was. That's the problem. How can you be so bad at something that you love so much?

KAREN

This was your first try.

KYLE

I just wish the whole show could be your songs.

JIMMY

Why can't it?

KYLE

What are you talking about?

JIMMY

You just mentioned Rent. It started as a book musical, but by the time it got to off-Broadway, the dialogue was gone, and it was all songs. Sung through. Jimmy could write some new songs to fill the gaps where the dialogue used to be. It's still your story, Kyle, and if you work fast enough, we could still go for fringe. All we need is a first act. I think it could work.

KYLE

I'll get the book. Then we'll start thinking about what songs we need.

MICHAEL

Hey, uh, can I— can I talk to you about something?

KAREN

I'm going to get some more booze.

MICHAEL

Uh, I need to talk to you about what happened at Ronnie's concert.

KAREN

You don't have to say anything.

MICHAEL

I know, but I want to. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, especially now that we're working together, you know?

KAREN

Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Kyle told me about your situation. I didn't know.

//

I really need to get some furniture.

I suggest you start with a bed.

God, I wish we could smoke in here.

- Well, you can't.

- Yeah, no.

I know.

I'm just saying.

Don't think I can't smell that weed.

You better seriously hope that airs out.

My dad will keep your security deposit.

He has a nose like a damn bloodhound.

Yeah? Has he ever caught you? Yeah.

Many times.

Well, listen.

Since I already lost my deposit and all maybe we should light up.

No, thanks.

You sure? Well, is it cool if I burn one? Maybe you'll change your mind.

Do what you wanna do, I guess.

Hey.

What'd I say? Nothing.

I just have to go is all.

What's this? My 18-month chip.

I'm in recovery.

And, you know, pot is like stepping stones.

Recovery? That's cool.

Right on.

I respect that.

You know, I don't really burn much anymore.

It's just a sometime thing.

But no more, like, in the house.

So you wanna go grab some dinner? I could really go for some Chinese.

No, I better hit it.

We We cool? Your satellite is on, by the way.

That screen is badass.

we got into fringe festival

//

i cant do it

KAREN

Today sucked. Rehearsal was crazy. It made me question why I'm even doing this at all. But as soon as I got out of there, the only place I wanted to be, the only person I wanted to be with was you, on stage singing. Because when I do, I remember why I ever wanted this.

JIMMY

Yeah, just not enough to actually stick with it.

KAREN

You can be mad at me. Fine. But don't take it out on everyone else. They worked hard for this. It's their last performance. Do it for them. Do it for yourself.

//

need a rewrite

KAREN

Yeah, exactly. Sometimes the work gets better. And sometimes it doesn't.

ANA

You know what? As nice as it is to see you, this isn't your problem. Maybe it would be if you were still in the show.

KAREN

You're right. I'm sorry. The theme you're looking for is already there. It's about reinvention, changing who you are, your destiny.

ANA

Mm. Unfortunately, that isn't universal, 'cause people don't really do that, do they?

//

hey're LED screens. They allow for a big range of photographic sets.

 ANA

Hey, what's going on?

JIMMY

Hey. I've just put together some ideas for the show, and I think you're going to like them. They're LED screens. They allow for a big range of photographic sets. They're from Japan, very high tech.

ANA

That's cool, but we're low-fi. I figured we'd have, you know, actual furniture.

JIMMY

Yeah, well, if you're not going to let me have a name actor for the diva, we need to make a statement somewhere. How about with the show itself? I'm just trying to get us on the same page.

ANA

The more you talk, the less I feel that we are. This isn't Broadway.

JIMMY

What do you know about Broadway?

ANA

Well, I know that you're used to getting anything you want there and that last time, you put so many bells and whistles all over everything that no one noticed the show had any problems until it was too late.

JIMMY

I'm just trying to open your show up. All right? That's what a good director does.

ANA

The show doesn't need opening up. It needs to be true to what it is.

JIMMY

Well, this is harder than I thought.

//

I don't want them overwhelmed by the staging.

SCOTT

Thematically, yes, one of the best things about the show is the chemistry between your two leads. I don't want them overwhelmed by the staging.

ANA

That was me thinking you wanted to make a splash with your first show, Scott. Blow the town away.

SCOTT

Yeah, but I don't want to bankrupt the theater to do it. Well, I've got five LED screens arriving this morning. They're all donated. Contrary to popular opinion, I've got some friends in this business.

ANA

Look, it'll be a Broadway show with an off-Broadway budget. Come on, at least let me show you what I'm thinking. It's a little vague right now, but picture red, white, and blue.

ANA

Where's our Marilyn? I thought we were doing Mr. and Mrs. Smith today.

ASSISTANT

We switched up the schedule a little bit at the last minute.

ANA

Well, no one told me.

//

JIMMY

Do you want to spend the whole time rebooting a computer? What I don't want is to show some kid simply walking across the stage for five minutes.

DEREK

It's "some kid" walking across a stage to tell a girl that he loves her. If we can't get an audience to care about that on its own, one of us isn't very good at his job.

JIMMY

So, what, you're saying I can't direct this show?

DEREK

No, I'm saying you hide behind fancy screens and orchestras and clothes because you have nothing else up your sleeve.

ANA

What do you think, Karen? Do we need any of this?

KAREN

Don't put her in the middle.

DEREK

I didn't. You did. Tell him what you really think.

KAREN

Shut up. It's okay. Go ahead.

ANA

It's not right for this show. I'm sorry, Derek.

DEREK

Pathetic, the lot of you.

..

DEREK

You know, I got bigger jobs, more money, bigger sets. And yes, there is a very slim possibility that you might have a point. It's been a while since I had to think outside the box.

JIMMY

Thanks.

DEREK

So your show's not about scenery or props or costumes, so what is it about?

JIMMY

Two people falling in love. And what gets in the way of that. And what gets in the way of love is other people. In my experience, at least.

DEREK

Great. Well, let's show that, then. Okay, so we're halfway through act one. Jesse has just heard Amanda singing a song on the radio, a song that he wrote that she stole. But he's not angry. He wants to see her again. So he goes after her. So stage right is Greenpoint, where Jesse starts out. Stage left is L.A., where Amanda is performing her first big concert as Nina. But the journey is tough. There are many obstacles in the way.

ANA

Obstacles? Thank you. Music track, please.

//

eah.

-We should do something.

-Yeah, we should.

No, something else.

We should go somewhere.

Have you been to the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum? Is that the one with the A-bombs? Georgia O'Keeffe.

She's a painter.

You've never heard of Georgia O'Keeffe? No, is that bad? -Boy, you need some educating.

-Yes, yes, I do.

Come here.

Why don't we go up to Santa Fe? We'll make a day of it.

You wanna go all the way to Santa Fe for a museum? So romantic.

Yup, we're going.

Get up.

Why can't we just go to the movies or putt-putt? It's the shit.

A little culture won't kill you.

Besides, you might like it.

A lot of her paintings look like vaginas.

Really? -ls there still cereal? -Yeah.

Yo, if I know you, leave a message.

Where the hell are you? Pick up the phone.

-Hello? Jesse, pick up-- -Hold on, hold on.

Sorry, one sec.

-What? -I've been trying to reach you.

Where's your drop phone? -I've been busy.

-Well, clear your social calendar.

//

You weren't supposed to wake up.

Ever or? No, I was just thinking that I'd bring it, you know, in.

You want me to go back to bed? No, I guess that'd be kind of-- No.

Need some help? No, I got it.

Just have a seat.

Is there any coffee? Yeah, shit.

One second.

Well, at least let me do that.

No, I don't want you to have to do anything, you know? All right.

Here.

You take the good one.

It's huevos rancheros.

-I can tell.

-Yeah? -Fork.

-Oh, yeah.

There you go.

So, what are you up to today? Working? -Whatever that means.

-No.

I'm all yours.

//

And who's this? This guy can surf without a board? That's Hover Man.

He can surf, skate, glide whatever, because he's always got a 6-inch cushion of air under his feet.

That's cool.

Great lines.

And this guy? What's his superpower? That's Kanga-man.

Kanga-man? Half-man, half-kangaroo? -And who's this in his pouch? -His sidekick, Joey.

He rides around in his pouch and, you know fights crime.

So that makes Kanga-man a she.

You know that, right? Only female kangaroos have pouches.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

But, you know, it's definitely a dude.

He's a product of experimentation.

He's kind of hot, I guess.

Nice haunches.

-And this is? -It's Backwardo.

Wait, no.

I actually-- I changed it to Rewindo.

Anyways, he goes backwards.

He can make everything go in reverse.

Time and stuff? Like time travelling? No, he just walks backwards.

He walks backwards? Is that a superpower? What good is that? No, I mean, he does it, like, really fast.

Okay, look, say someone's coming at him with a knife, right? I mean, it's helpful.

Then he can just zip backwards away from them.

Okay.

Yo, I was a kid when I drew all these.

It was like four years ago.

-They all look like you.

-What? It's you in all of these.

No.kjk,,

I wonder what a shrink would say if he saw them.

Oh, shut up.

Like you never wanted a superpower.

-ls that your door or mine? -I don't know.

It sounds like mine.

-I gotta go.

-Where? Hey, where? Hey, hold up.

Where are you? Jane.

Jane.

-Hey, Dad.

-There you are.

Hi, honey.

I saw your car, so I was pretty sure you were home.

Yeah, sorry.

I was working.

I had my headphones on.

Finally realized that I wasn't the drum track? -Exactly

//

Look, there's some stuff about me you don't know and.

Like you're a drug dealer? I kind of got that.

You pay in cash and you use an alias, so.

One of my guys a friend who worked for me got murdered.

It was my fault.

I put him on that corner.

I'm gonna smoke some crystal and I just think you should go being that you're in a programme and all and.

You could come with me to a meeting.

No.

No meetings.

We could just get out of here.

-lt won't help.

-Yeah, it will.

And I don't need you telling me that it won't.

I just.

All right, I really just need you to go.

Sir? Enjoy your meal.

Thank you.

You're late.

Yeah.

We're in the big time now.

//

I just think if we had enough money nobody could make us do anything.

Oh, just let it ring.

No, I'm gonna go see who it is.

//

 UNEXPECTED VISITOR

                Not here. Let's go.

                            JESSE

                Pretty nice place you guys here.

                            UNEXPECTED VISITOR

                What are you doing here? How'd you

                find me? You broke into my house, man.

                I knew you was alive. Did a little

                digging. Here you are.

                            JESSE

                Dude, I don't have it. Even with all

                these posters with your name on 'em?

                It's not anywhere near what I owe you.

                            UNEXPECTED VISITOR

                Well, you'll find it. I know where you

                live, and I know where you work. You

                know, maybe I could meet some of your

                new friends? I need time. I'll see you

                soon.

The UNEXPECTED VISITOR exits, leaving JESSE looking worried and tense.

//

So I was I was I wanted to ask you

                for an advance on my money

JESSE

                So I was I was I wanted to ask you

                for an advance on my money. It's just

                it's hard to work shifts at the

                restaurant when I'm in rehearsal.

                            EILEEN

                (smiling politely)

                Sorry to break it to you, but this is

                nonprofit theater.

                            JESSE

                Well, I mean, what about all these

                people? Aren't they supporting us? I

                mean, they don't look so hard up.//

//

DEREK

                Really? What about me? I'm right in

                front of you.

                            JIMMY

                God, that's enough! This is so sweet,

                I'm getting a cavity. The scene is

                supposed to prevent Amanda from

                committing suicide. You do it like

                that, the entire audience is gonna

                want to jump off the bridge with her.

                            DEREK

                That's a little harsh, Jimmy.

Derek gestures for them to try again.

                            DEREK (CONT'D)

                Do it again, please.

AMANDA tries a different approach.

                            AMANDA

                I don't understand. Your life is

                perfect.

Derek interrupts.

                            DEREK

                No, no! God, you're all over the

                place. This is a mess. I'm trying

                something different.

                            JIMMY

                Well, why don't you try my blocking

                instead?

                            KAREN

                All right, maybe we should take a

                break.

                            DEREK

                No! Again.

AMANDA starts again, frustrated.

                            AMANDA

                I don't understand. Your life is

                perfect.

Derek cuts in, exasperated.

                            DEREK

                My God. You know what? This is the

                last time I use untrained actors.

Karen steps forward, concerned.

                            KAREN

                Derek, what are you doing?

                            DEREK

                This doesn't concern you, Karen.

                            KAREN

                It feels like it does.

//

 DEREK (cont'd)

                I want to try and tell the story in

                flashback, all right? A bit like Sunset

                Boulevard or All About Eve.

                            ANA

                What do you mean?

                            DEREK

                Well, you know, it's like a classic

                murder mystery, where you begin with the

                ending. So, the diva's in disgrace.

                Amanda's dropped her alter ego. She's

                already succeeded just as herself.

                            JESSE

                Won't that spoil the ending?

                            DEREK

                No, it doesn't spoil it. It sets it up.

                            KAREN

                What are you talking about?

                            DEREK

                Okay, you, come with me.

Derek grabs Karen and pulls her towards the stage.

                            DEREK (cont'd)

                No, no. You. Come on, let's go. All

                right, the diva just here. Goes to

                Amanda's concert. All right? She's just

                a face in the crowd. She moves forward

                among the throng. Come on, throng.

                Join us. All right. She comes down to

                the front, all right? Okay, wait there.

                She raises the gun. Bang.

The room goes quiet.

                            DEREK (cont'd)

                But who did she kill? Jesse? Amanda?

                Someone else? That question would give

                away everything.

                            KAREN

                Yeah, we don't see you. Diva's the only

                person on stage. She's the only voice

                that we hear.

                            ANA

                (holding the gun)

                Yeah.

                            DEREK

                Ana, you still got the gun from the end

                of the last scene, right?

                            ANA

                Yeah.

///

JIMMY

(hesitant, conflicted)

Karen, I want that too. But... I can't just open up about everything. Not yet.

Karen's expression softens, understanding but still concerned.

                            KAREN

                Why not? What are you afraid of?

Jimmy looks down, struggling to find the words.

                            JIMMY

                It's complicated. There are things... things I'm not proud of. Things

                that... I don't want to burden you with.

Karen steps closer, gently placing a hand on Jimmy's arm.

                            KAREN

                You don't have to carry it alone. We're in this together, remember?

Jimmy looks up at Karen, his eyes reflecting a mix of gratitude and fear.

                            JIMMY

                I know. And I want to be honest with you. I just... need time.

Karen nods slowly, squeezing Jimmy's arm reassuringly.

                            KAREN

                Okay. I understand. Just know that I'm here whenever you're ready.

Jimmy nods gratefully, a weight seeming to lift off his shoulders.

                            JIMMY

                Thank you, Karen. For everything.//////////

DEREK:

This is a private audition.

JIMMY:

For my part?

DEREK:

No, for your understudy, genius. Been seeing people all week. You'd know that if you were ever here.

KYLE, the stage manager, enters with SAM STRICKLAND, a hopeful auditionee.

KYLE:

This is Sam Strickland. He was in the ensemble of Bombshell.

JIMMY:

Well, then, he should probably audition for the ensemble of Hit List and not my part.

DEREK:

Guess what? That's not your call. Sam's a great talent. He just hasn't found the right role yet.

JIMMY:

I know that you're a visionary, Derek, but I think you're losing your touch. Get him out of here, please, Kyle.

KYLE:

No, don't worry. I'm leaving.

Frustrated, Jimmy turns to Derek.

JIMMY:

My buzz just wore off.//

DEREK:

You'd just go A.W.O.L. for a week, and nothing would happen?

JIMMY:

Well, I was a little late a couple times. I'm sorry. I don't see why everyone's making such a big deal about it.

DEREK:

People are coming tonight who could bring this show to Broadway. Our show. It's what we always wanted. Doesn't that mean anything to you anymore?

JIMMY:

Don't blow everything up just because somebody broke your heart. This sounds stupid, but I don't know, I thought maybe she was the one. I'm not really sure there is a one.

DEREK:

Says the guy who just cheated on his boyfriend.

JIMMY:

I hate you.

DEREK:

No, you don't. I keep you honest.

KYLE approaches, interrupting their heated conversation.

KYLE:

Look, my parents are coming tonight. We're taking Blake to dinner before the show.

//

Jimmy and Derek exchange looks, their personal and professional tensions hanging heavy between them.

SCOTT:

Karen, I am so sorry. He's totally out of control. What you just saw was Jimmy's last performance. I don't want him around here if he can't get himself together, and I very much doubt that's possible.

Karen nods, absorbing the weight of the situation.

KAREN:

What about the show?

SCOTT:

We'll shut down for a couple of days, give Sam a chance to get ready. Just let me be the one to tell him.

KAREN:

Okay. Go on, then.

///

JESSE:

You want the story? Okay, well, my dad beat the crap out of me and my mom. After she died, me and Adam were on the streets. I dealt drugs, okay? I used them. I watched people O.D., and I didn't call 911. When you're living life like that, you do a lot of things that you are not proud of. Adam got me into that life. Kyle saved me. He is my real brother. So when I tell you that Adam is nobody to me, it's because he is nobody to me. Please just... I don't cut me out of your life because of who I used to be. I have changed. I wasn't a good person, but ever since I met you, it's all I want to be.

Karen listens intently, her expression softening with empathy as she processes Jesse's words.

KAREN:

Let's go take our seats.

They walk off together, the city lights casting a gentle glow as they find solace in each other's presence, carrying the weight of their pasts into a hopeful future.