#((I want to see where theyre going with it. it looks like fun))
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moon n ballora
#my art#daycare attendant#dca fandom#moondrop#ballora#sorry to all the sl fans who r sick of hearing about the daycare attendant HFJSJGKDJG#anyway its real funny how i can draw the dca at a side view fairly well but ballora? fucking impossible#i wanted to keep it more in line w/ her canon design bc then otherwise moon would look weird but UGHHH i did NOT draw her well#this drawing is like. roughly a month old by now? but i wanted to post something#i havent been drawing as much bc of art block hell!!!!!! so if posts r slower thats why#i did go through my hundreds of drafts to put some posts in the queue though so those will be going for roughly 2 months at the current rat#theres still... a lot of posts in my drafts though... oops#also. did you guys hear that theyre making a whole ass dca pin set#the dca is like the perfect cash cow of merch now. pisses me off a little ngl HFJZJFKSJG#gonna be fun to see them release product after product as the masses go crazy over it again and again#im being kind of negative i know but. god#im honestly just posting this as an excuse to rant about it without making a whole post for it HFKZJFKD#i fucking knew this was gonna happen but man! it still sucks#anyway uhh if youre gonna buy merch buy fanmade stuff and bootlegs instead!#be aware of where your money is going!#... that's all i'll say about it
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eek
#theres soooooo many people here today#who r prob all gonna come to.the eagle tour#and i hate doing big crowds bc everyone doesnt fit and they just do this weird thing where like#they stay for 5 mins get 1 look at the birds then leave#and new people filter in and ask q's ive already talked about#and it throws off my whole talk script#20 people or less is ideal bc they can all see and theyre engaged and listening and able to hear me enough to want to stay for my whole bit#20 people or less usually lasts like 25ish mins#upwards of that its like. 11 mins max. which seems like the opposite of what i should be#aaaaaaaa#its so awkward when they all just. go away. im like. please i have so many more fun facts.#also there are forest service people here prayer circle for them not watching my talk <3#bc of the imposter syndrome <3
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#yippee look at that its wander:33#i do not draw my boy enough#anyways ive been thinking a lot about how i wish there was someplace nearby to watch the sunset#specifically that also doesnt have a bunch of people because the entire point is to not do that#cause i like being outside but theres just nowhere to go where im not constantly surrounded by other people#and the entire point of going outside for me is to not worry about people for a little while#it is shockingly hard to be alone ever#because “other people” live in this house because “theyre my family”#and the odds of everybody going someplace but me are so very low#ugh god i hate that the only two things i want are to move out and move on and also to never have to leave#why does everything have to be some stupid fucking moral dilemma man i just wanna worry about dumb shit for once#ugh anyways yay drawing#i havent decided if i hate the background yet so we'll see#and enjoy my epic musical selection that i doubt anyone ever actually listens to but theyre still fun to add#art#drawing#digital art#furry#sfw furry#sfw furry art#furry art#digital drawing#oc#oc art#oc artwork#oc drawing#Spotify
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zeno's ultimate pokemiku tierlist ⁉️(it's all his opinion and he loves them all regardless⁉️)
#like arrfgggdiakaktmcksmsama this was literally all for me like they knew what they were doing#i love character design i love pokemon i love miku. and then you put ALL THREE TOGETHER....#i will explain some of my choices here#poison miku is just too good but also i am a big sucker for freaky scientists with constant “worry” eyebrows#her design is just so out there and crazy (this is about the shoes. some understand the greatness of the shoes and some dont. and thats ok.)#every other miku in peak i think establishes their theme exeptionally well especially ghost bug and fighting#for ghost i already love spooky and gloomy looking characters and that miku delivers tenfold (of course shes designed by the GOAT take)#esp with the mix of ghostly and electronic/digital regarding the glitchy parts n the 01 hologram#she looks like shell invade my computer and give it a virus if i dont send the chainmail about her tragic file corruption to 10 friends#(in the best way possible)#for bug miku the big dress is a huge plus but also i just think shes adorable nuff said#for fighting - i love a delinquent character and she fits that really well. the half coat thing is a big highlight for me#also the leek theme is absolutely iconic#for the ones i didnt like as much - i honestly just think the koraidon one is a leeeeetle bit boring#dont get me wrong. it has really cool aspects like the hair and the koraidon like cape but idk#it feels like theres a lot going on but not that much at the same time? its still a really nice design tho esp the hair color#for the ones in yellow tier - i just dont like the color palletes very much . theyre still really nice designs esp fire miku#but all in all these are genuinely all amazing designs and i dont want to be too critical or mean to any of them esp seeing im not a pro#but this was really fun to see unfold!!! cant wait until the songs start dropping#in the topic of miku as well - hey muse dash where's my miku on the switch version....#please dont make us wait too long 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
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Honestly, every single time the whole 'poppy playtime is a bendy rip-off' stuff ever shows up I find it all extremely unconvincing and silly.
For one thing, rip-off usually is meant to imply that it's a cheap lazy copy of a better more polished thing, and uh. Sorry but even from chapter 1? Poppy Playtime is a better game than Bendy, it has a simple but understandable story, the game manages to be thrilling, creepy, and very intense at times... I mean that Huggy chase in the vents ALONE puts it way above Batim for me.
I mean BATDR had the most slow stupid chase I've ever seen [and every other encounter with the ink demon is text telling u he's there and then a timer goes down and u get jumpscared] and batim's chases were either silly or just not nearly as theatric or terrifying as that.
When making the vent sequence I mean not only is it absolutely horrifying to realize how fast Huggy is in there but also it's so theatric and cool? The fact that you round a corner after thinking you escaped only to see a terrifying animation of that thing crawling toward you is awesome! I wish Bendy had stuff like that!
And all the stuff it shares with Bendy are generic things Bendy ripped from other horror games/media anyways. I'm not saying Poppy Playtime isn't inspired by Bendy I for sure think it is but Bendy is such a generic story that somehow fails to do tropes 100 other horror games have done any comparison only makes Poppy Playtime look better.
"It has employees being sacrificed for their company" That is not a concept Bendy invented, literally look at any of the sci-fi horror series Bendy is very inspired by. This is literally a twist in the original Alien.
"It has a scary woman forcing you to do tasks for her" Once again, not a concept Bendy invented, a scary mysterious person forcing you to do fetch-quests is a concept found in tons of horror media. And at least Poppy Playtime gave you a chase with her and let you defeat her, look at poor malice. She's barely on screen for more than 10 minutes before she gets stabbed.
"It has a cult worshipping the monster" This is something tons of horror games and media have done too. I mean In The Tall Grass has a guy who worships a giant magical rock in the middle of a grass maze, Bioshock [which Bendy has only been taking more and more direct inspiration from while failing to grab any of the compelling parts] also had a lot of themes of religion and cult-ish behavior, almost every horror media franchise has at one point done a cult thing.
Bendy couldn't even come up with a reason Sammy worships the ink demon, the best motivation we've ever gotten is just that 'he's crazzyyyy the ink made him insaneeee'. Who is the cheap rip-off here?
At least Poppy Playtime gave their cultist a motive for worshipping the monster + a proper boss fight that feels intense and looks awesome! Bendy didn't even let you kill Malice [she got stabbed in front of you and then just collapsed on the floor how thrilling] meanwhile you get to kill three of the villains in Poppy Playtime and the gameplay and action in those scenes have only gotten better as the game went on.
I mean Sammy walks into a room and goes "AAA SCARY I'M BEING MURDERED" then later shows up and for NO REASON sees a normal human man and assumes it's the ink demon before once again someone else kills him for you. In Poppy Playtime you defeat Catnap as he floods the world with this horrible nightmare-inducing gas that intensifies the color palette and his design. Fight off versions of him that are illusions that you need your flare gun for, then watch in a wonderful animation as he mistakes the monster for his savior before getting killed by it, in a brutal way I might add, which game are we accusing of being cheap, lazy garbage again?
I just find this argument to be people who Really Really need to find a reason to hate Poppy Playtime which I think is silly. The devs being weird, shady people is already enough reason to dislike the game, you don't need to invent reasons why secretly every part of the game is malicious or bad. But esp when I see Bendy fans saying they don't support Poppy Playtime or dislike it bc of its devs or even saying its cringe ummmm.
I have bad news about the fact Bendy's devs are worse and it took not one, but TWO over an hour long videos to cover it all. Plus the Bendy games are just the worse games in every aspect, if I could sell my batim copy for a copy of Poppy Playtime I wouldn't hesitate at all.
Saying this as a bendy fan, we have no right to be super judgy towards Poppy Playtime. If Poppy Playtime is embarrassing cringe, Bendy is too and is way more embarrassing of an interest. We shouldn't spread misinformation just because we all want to hate Poppy Playtime, you can dislike Poppy Playtime without making up a bunch of nonsense to justify it.
Honestly seeing people just blatantly be unfairly mean to Poppy Playtime only makes its critics look worse and makes it hard to take any backlash to the games seriously. Because surprise surprise if you spread misinformation to make a point people will quickly stop listening to Anything you have to say bc they won't trust you're telling the truth anymore.
#feel free to reblog but Im not gonna tag this its way too rambley at least for my taste to go in the main tags#ramblez#also man can I say I didnt want to make this post super long but theres so many other points I could make in poppys favor#the fact we got to see the hour of joy and it was terrifying we dont even know if joey actually killed anyone anymore#the gameplay itself is more diverse and fun then batim which is a walking simulator that pretends to have fighting n stealth mechanics#at least Poppy n Missys friendship gives u a reason to care for missys safety before shes put in danger#Missy can actually express unlike Boris who sits there looking cute with no proper expressions until he gets yoinked and ur supposed to car#bc he was uh adorable? And therefore you spend an entire chapter tryna get him and get an extremely bad boss fight in return-#also soundtrack wise I like poppys tracks more theyre unique and fun and you can tell which part of the game they come from#bendy has so many dramatic reveal stingers and tracks that are really hard to tell which part of the game they come from#bertrums boss fight has my favorite theme bc its so specifically crafted for him and unique and meanwhile Norman has one of the worst imo#a lot of Bendys soundtrack if I played it for you right now it would be hard to guess where its from bc it all kinda sounds the same#the reveal music for the machine for bendy land for heavenly toys for alices domain all sound the same x_x#its just so frustrating but yeah my point is can we all stop making up new reasons to shit on poppy playtime its just kinda dumb#it feels less like actual criticism and at this point just feels like elaborate justification for cringe culture which I hate#okay thats it bye sorry this is 10 pages long-
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ok i gotta do the gunshots thing again just in case. and also bc ive seen some of this on my tumblr friends blogs lately
hi if ur identified endogenic system or pro endo fuck off thanks. i ask you to do research. and if u dont wanna just block me thanks thumbs up.
more shit in tags lol
#special message to innocently pro endo or unaware singlets: read medical shit. and also block endo tags so you dont keep reblogging stuff#with DID/OSDD/CDD misinformation by accident by not being in those spaces#smiles#lightposts#scared of being seen as hateful when its literally just how these disorders WORK. stop spreading harmful shit#i know most self identified endos are probably disordered and just cant deal with the idea that theyre disabled yet. which sucks.#they deserve to know whats going on and that THEY NEED TREATMENT. its not fun. its insulting seeing this on my dash or on my friends blogs#acting like its a lifestyle choice is insulting.#disorders are not another queer identity to apply to yourself. conflating the two as the same harms both groups. ok im done#friends please block those tags. imean you can do what you want. but i guess i Encourage you to look at what youre spreading. see where you#get these ideas from#if u ask ill tell u which ones u can block. or generally wtf im talking about. i understand nonsystems wouldnt know anything abot this stuf
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i finally finished alternate outfit designs for my ocs :) well these five at least lol
ill put the individual frames under the cut!
#finn's ocs#i think tumblr sort of made the drawings a bit blurrier so its harder to see some details like saiphs scars or miras stretch marks... sad!#hopefully clicking on it solves that?#anyway i ended up doing the pjs after all bc i figured messy hair would be fun to do#and if i was going to put saiph in underpants anyway it would be funny to do like. the cartoon heart boxers but w fire lol#the formal looks were fun to do though. you can tell al's is like totally inspired by utena's look in aou#there are for sure through lines i wanted to keep w all their outfits like in general#aside from just keeping the same colors and general style#like mira always has like a cold shoulder look and tends to have somekind of asymmetry towards the bottom#except for her formal look for the latter#saiph always wears those wrist things no mater what. also he always has somekinda flame pattern#polaris either has snowflakes stars or compasses ofc. and if she has somekinda skirt the red will be Under it#bella has the same skull design on her bows. except for the pj look where now the skull itself is wearing a bow#and al has the stars on the strings and mismatched shoes#the most similar outfits are the summer/spring and winter/fall ones#those are pretty much default outfits so thats why#and their hairstyles in the winter/fall looks are like just slightly longer versions of their summer/spring styles#they dont really change hairstyles for the beach and pjs aside from the long haired characters pulling them up different#or putting them down for the pjs look. in bellas case#their formal look probably has the most difference in hairstyle. like theyre not just grown out or pulled back#theyre like actually styled different#these arent their final looks btw there are like completely different timeskip designs too but like#id have to use different bases for those probably. there would be changes LOL#but yeah :)#finn's art#forgor that one
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have discovered a new enemy while doing research for the honours essay. why are you pretending to understand psychology and BLATANTLY misinterpreting actual terms and concepts in order to tear down a movie aimed at teenage girls, my good bitch. i'm going to start biting
#you got the WRONG BITCH bc you just hit on two of my biggest interests (zombie movies and psychology) at once#FIRST of all. you dont have the credentials to be talking abt this and it shows bc why dont you know what psychotic means!!#simple shit!! you want to pretend you know psychology dont fuck up psychopathology psychopathy and psychosis! all different things!#you can BARELY conceive of narcissism. a one off joke about how a character recognizes his flaws and wishes he was respected more#is NOT proof to label someone as a fucking narcissist oh my god. id actually argue the complete opposite#you are accusing A Zombie of being abusive based on (checks notes) being scary looking eating brains and /protecting a girl/#bc uhhhhhhh smth smth dark triad smth smth twi/ight#last time i checked thats literally just fucking normal ass zombie shit + him being NICE!!#its not male gaze 'ocular aggression' bestie he cant blink. hes dead.#talking about how the zombie is unrepentantly creepy when he Literally worries about coming off as creepy In The Movie out loud#SECONDLY to circle back why are you so stressed about twilight. thats not even the subject of the chapter#(there are good critiques of those movies but this is not that)#your book came out in 2015 why were you still shitting your pants and crying that girls were having fun 3yrs ago at the EARLIEST#reaching so fucking hard to 'um ackshewally [thing that teenage girls like] bad' im shocked you didnt throw your fuckin back out#your arguments are nonsensical your positions reveal an alarming level of sexism and you should be ashamed#levi.txt#believe it or not im having fun rn. im funny complaining not angry complaining#w@rm b0dies isnt a Good movie but i will go to bat for it actually. let teenage girls have fun garbage#god knows adult men have enough of their own to choose from ESP in this genre#and its a movie that has a lot of interesting shit someone could analyze!! im focusing on it as a representation of changing feminism#but id love to see a reading of its portrayal of zombiehood as disability + its cure narrative#or critiquing how it writes its female characters bc admittedly theyre bad ngl#or on how survival is represented in comparison to films like zomb!e/and (which i also love) where you 'earn' survival with competence!#genuinely there is even smth to be said for the problematic nature of the brain eating element. id be intrigued by that paper#i dont think its much worse than the play the movie is based on? but its not nothing#it Is ultimately a little bit fucked up and i dont think the movie explores it enough#but noooooo we gotta talk about how the zombie is a narcissistic abuser bc of the brain eating. ok
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STOP I OVERPLAYED ODE TO JOY WHILE LEARNING PIANO 😭😭😭😭😭
However! I am happy to share and am so glad you see the vision. Sorry In Advance to you and all your followers for the spam but here is a (mostly corrupted) office tour (please note the "Mine Power"-brand gym equipment):
P.S. I recall really liking The Wings of the Kirin, please enjoy!
EVERYONE OVERPLAYED ODE TO JOY GROWING UP IT CAME WITH YOUR PARENTS FORCING YOU TO LEARN THE PIANO LERKJALEKJ
BUT OH MY GOD NO DON'T APOLOGIZE THIS IS LITERALLY PERFECT I thank you again for my life this is so important to me you have no idea
#fave#snap chats#'parents' more like my mom.#BUT YEAH I PLAYED ODE TO JOY ALL THE TIME GROWING UP TOO ITS WHY I HAD A STROKE AT THE END OF Y7 VLKALVJLK#getting the sims just to make mines apartment brb. fr tho why the fuck dont i have the sims thats Architecture Simulator#but more importantly i have a sick obsession with having the layout to buildings#i havent posted any of them but i have a bunch of sketches of various rooms/buildings in the RGG series#i dont imagine many people would want to see those so thats why i have them hoarded#obvi i ref them when drawing stuff but theyre also just fun to draw....#THIS type of stuff is BEYOND valuable to me tho this is my crack. my cocaine even. i live for shit like this#my dad used to be involved with architecture and real estate so i'm gonna blame him for that#BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY im saving all of these theyre so so so important to me i cant thank you enough#im sure others will greatly appreciate these as well#even if it's a bit 'corrupted' i can definitely DEFINITELY salvage these#im going to laugh if he has his own gym equipment brand. is that what his company's done this entire time#was his 'research' just gettin fuckin yolked Cant Believe This#i wonder if mine has a bedroom somewhere though i cant imagine it being in the same room as the piano. unless rich people do that.#theres just so much dead space in that area aside from the piano and it looks like to be a pretty sizeable room.. PURELY just The Piano Roo#like its fuckin luigis mansion over here. not impossible i guess. very strange thing to have. esp if its connected to the GYM#its not even in connected to the main part of the office where you can realistically be like 'lets go into the next room for piano'#you gotta cut through the gym first bro what the fuck is this#but what are those closet-esque bits behind the piano? unless im blind. what purpose would you have to put a closet in a piano room#if its sheet music you keep that under the chair or something#even through the mesh it still looks like those lead to a skinny hallway... idk im rambling#ill study these more in depth later BUT THANK YOU AGAIN#OH BUT i'm about halfway through the movie so far and im def enjoyin it !#i always like it in crime shows/movies where the answer seems Obvious at first but then as the case goes on its like#Oh God Wait. Hold On Let's Double Check#again i'm halfway through the movie but i always love it when i feel uncertain about the situation ☠️☠️#it's just fun watching all the pieces come together so yeah im def enjoyin !
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Tarot question, the high priestess!
The high priestess: what is your dream date?
Well, since it didn't say it had to be a first date I'm gonna say this would be with someone I've come to feel safe with but I'm still getting to know: we have a whole day set aside, and with a parameter of going at most maybe 2 hrs outside our city, we each pick a place that represents something abt the core of who we are. So I take them to the closest biggest body of water and tell them about growing up in Florida and how the ocean knows me in ways humans never can. Maybe they take me to a random town they've never been to before and we go antiquing bc they like seeing new places rather than old, and antiquing is what they did with their grandma growing up. Or, idk, they have us hike to the highest point within the radius and tell me how they like hikes with a challenge because when their legs burn and their heart rate increases they feel wild, like they belong there in the forest. And while we're driving we both play songs for each other that have meant something to us in our lives, taking turns, telling stories, their song reminds me of one from when I was 9 that I forgot existed, they haven't listened to this genre in ages and start remembering all the songs they used to love. When we get back to our city we get ice cream. I go home buzzing and dance around my apartment with my cats to one of the songs they shared.
#i thought deeply about this and cant tell you how perfect it sounds#maybe doing all that in one day would be a lot but the adventure of it is half the fun#we're on the way to my spot and i see a waffle house and im like. wait. detour. my mom thinks WH is the best restaurant in the u.s.#we get bad coffee and waffles and then when we're going to their spot we pass a sign for the town where weiner cars were started (idk)#and theyre like fuck we were gonna go hiking but i was obsessed w weiner cars as a kid. i dressed up as one for halloween when i was 7.#so we go nd take pictures w the OG weiner car and then they drive us around until we find an abandoned building w vines in the windows#and we sneak in and they tell me how they always wanted to be a ghost hunter and still kinda do so we try to hunt ghosts w/o getting tetanus#and so the day could go way off plan and it'd still be on plan#(we hold hands in the abandoned place but wont admit we were creeped out until we get back to the car)#(we take our shoes off and stand w our feet in the water and our shoulders touching and i say close your eyes nd breathe deep 3 times#and tell me what the water tells you)#(and they dont hesitate or look at me skeptically. the water tells them beautiful things its never told me.)#Charlie mail#me#anna tag
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I cannot recommend enough starting game series from the start. Both because if you get used to the clunky gameplay of earlier ones, the later ones will be easier (from experience, going the other way just makes the originals seem IMPOSSIBLE) and also bc it does in fact help w understanding the story. Also because honestly old games are so cool
#twist rambles#like. if i started with the wit/cher three (which i did) and was not patient enough to learn the mechanics of 1. i wouldn't have experienced#my fave game in the series. if i got into kof with like 13 or 15#i wouldn't want to play 95 or 99. due to them being hard as shit. but im so glad i DID because the plot in those is very good#like. idk i think more people need to play older games when theyre accessible to them. i dont want to see hyper realistic+#games everywhere. when are we gonna post game sprites that are like 20 pixels maximum and be like wow 😳 i want her#all of that to say. emulating helps a ton w branching out w stuff and idk. just play older games and experience them#i will never feel the stress i felt when playing certain atari games EVER bc those are insane. anyways god. long and rambly but i think more#f/e fans should be lusting after the rly old guys. where is the hype for like saji <- does not know if ppl care abt him or not#or like. barts/bartz. anyways. yes please go emulate and also experience old games. I promise theyre fun and still worth playing#and it will expose u to the worst bullshit mechanics known to man. i love old rpgs and ols trpgs and i wouldn't have known that if i didnt#look into older ones. and thats very cool for me. nes rpgs were always daunting for me. and for me to be enjoying them this much? its cool#sorry. i will ramble in the tags for 50 years. its my job.
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:/
#speculation nation#the writer can see ur bookmarks u kno#who starts an almost 500k fic only to complain about the timeframe being too long#like look. i know ive taken too long on the past 10 chapters. im getting there.#ugh.#doesnt make me feel better about the newest chapter im working on bc it's the observance of a date that acts as the final look back#b4 really moving forward with things#'probably going to abandon but the first 30 chapters are worth the reread' well my dude ur gonna miss out on aaaall the fun i have planned#ive been trying to like. make it clear that im revving the engine so to speak. things r gonna start picking up again soon#but apparently not soon enough.#genuinely tho. it's nearly 500k words. what the fuck do you think that's spent on? continuous action?#no it's that long bc i love to do Reflection. character analysis. reactions.#and theres a lot of stuff that's gone into smashing all their relationships together and sorting out the pieces#i guess if ppl dont like character analysis & reflection theyre not gonna like my fic. especially not the more recent stuff.#but it's not like Nothing is happening. ive still tried to make things read well as i sort things out#feels ungrateful. like i dont have to be posting this ya kno lmao#if u dont like what im doing then fine. but you dont have to mention it where i'll see it and feel shitty about it.#i tried to be like 'it's a valid point and i guess it makes sense to want to include that in a rec'#but no this isnt a rec. it's a public bookmark. which i look to as a form of secondary comments when i havent gotten any in a while#and i was real excited to see one with a note. only to read a fucking. mixed compliment i guess.#genuinely tho im one chapter away from genuinely moving on with things.#if ppl cant deal with me having more of a character and relationship perspective (in the character and relationship perspective fic)#then theyre not gonna see all the fun and evil plans i have later on. soooo sorry.#god i try to not worry about what others think and just try to write what i wanna write. but im only human.#i want ppl to like what i write. why else am i posting it on the internet?#but it's 7 am after a very exhausting day & right before another very exhausting say#day*#and i just feel so undervalued.#waa waa waa sound of a fucking baby (me). whatever. i'll get over it i guess. just feels shitty.
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#im gonna say smth and no one is allowed to say a fucking Word. i need to . type this out bc i cant Say It Out Loud#but . it is slighrly disgusting and patheyic (imo) and just . huh .#anyway . the tightening in evety inch of my body at the idea that . i might not get what i want (*) . but that even if i dont get that#ill get Something somewhat better n its just .#hard to swallow. bc im so tired for settling for what i dont want .#like letting go of shit ivrlly want for smth thats supposedly better for me#letting did not look like a real word just then what the fuck man#anyway . it is awful bc like . having so many realisations n realising that . ive forgiven a lot less and a lot worse .#n its a whole thing i cant get into bc im figuring out what exactly . thst sys abt me and where it stems from#it feels Okay . like its coming grom a Good Place. n not one of low seld worth#but like . having to possibly actually settle for less than what i actually want . is awful bc i dont like doing that and im tjred of doing#that. even if its good / better for me?#i cannot think of any other situstion simular rn other than yhe job fuckery. but . never wity a person#have i felt like this. n i dont know where or why its a Thibg. butcit is. ajd i dont know why hes fucking different.#but so much is out of my control !!!! and idk what to do anymore except just . keep pretendinf he doesnt exist#and moving like i did in high school: just zignoring how i feel bc i see the fucker constantly#it genuinely does parallel to hs rn how do i keep .#but also how is this a conpletely new situstion ive Never Exprrienced. how is this haopening to me.#i keep thinkibg abt the letter j wroye to my 21st (on my 18th) n i havent opened it#bc i missed opening it actually on my 21st. so i decided to live out actually being 21 before i#opebed the letter just to see how much had actually changed.#gonna open it aroubd my birthday. im terrified. bc i reread that letter 5x vefore wrappibg it uo. and ive thought abt it Constantly#to rmber its contents bc im Obsessed with it somehowm butbi still dont know .#i plan tocwritr another for my 25th. n 27th thrn again my 30th.#theyre fun lil time capsules . n its nice . i used to do 6montg to yearly ones but . shit got so bad i did Not wanna keep writing abt it .#so . this Will be fun . it was the 1st attemot at that too like . its why i started the 6mth letters bc i wanted to see the gradual sgifts#n reread them on my 21st but life had other plans apparently.#anyway.
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ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(
#its not the end of the world like theyre not artists i LOVE love just ones i know and like a few tracks of#last year i had so much fun bc one of the artists there was an all time fave of mine. but yeah im not missing out on that this year#but its still a shame. i miss living there and being able to walk to gigs to easily like the music scene was so up my street!!#and i was kind of looking forward to it. but i shouldve planned it further in advance if i was serious abt going#i just didnt think theyd BOTH play so late???? i swear they had an earlier schedule last year#i guess i could just go and mill around some of the shows earlier in the day even tho ive skimmed most of them on spotify and theyre-#not rly my thing. sigh#im v tired + starting to feel quite sad this evening for some specific reasons i dont really want to think much about bc it is what it is#so its hard to imagine going out and having fun tomorrow. maybe ill just aim to get my chores done instead and see how i feel after that#i might fix my bike up and check the other local climbing gym out bc i havent visited that one before and itd be nice to mix it up#and i need to go out on the bike at some point this weekend so i dont build up anxiety abt it after yesterdays crash. hmm#man. its hard trying to do things solely for my own enjoyment sometimes. im usually pretty ok at making myself do it#and im grateful that i am! but i think im just feeling quite lonely. and not in a way where being around other people rly helps#like its more of a core thing. i feel kind of unseen by people in my life at the moment and that makes me feel like im not quite real#and i dont really know what to do about that. i think its why im still on my discord hiatus i just dont really have anything to say rn#ive felt this intermittently throughout a lot my life i think. but most of the time i can distract myself from it enough not to notice it#and i put the effort in socially regardless + usually when im in the moment it doesnt matter. but the stretches inbetween those moments..#its not unbearable and i dont feel that depressed at the moment either. just a bit lost i guess. i know itll pass eventually#but yeah it just keeps nudging up against me bc im feeling every little misunderstanding and slight quite keenly atm#ahh.. well its okay. ive never really needed much anyway im good at taking care of myself and thats enough to get by#ill do something nice for myself this weekend one way or another. im gonna go take a long shower rn i think and then read a bit#ah and i said i didn't rly want to think about it! but i guess i did... well i feel like i exist a little more for typing it out anyway#okay yes shower time now :-)#.diaries#maybe someday ill have ppl in my everyday life who i do feel seen + safe around. a girl can dream.. i have a lot of work to do before then
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RED ALERT RED ALERT
@officialreginaldcopperbottom IS TRYING TO REBOOT THE OFFICIALVERSE
MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS. MAINTAIN DEFENSIVE POSITION. I REPEAT, MAINTAIN DEFENSIVE POSITION. DO NOT GO ON THE OFFENSE.
LET THEM THROW THE FIRST PUNCH SO THAT WE CAN BLOCK IT. WE WILL WIN AGAINST THE ELDERS IF IT MUST COME TO IT
#((haha im joking this is a JOKE))#((Seriously tho. im excited to see what theyre cooking up))#((Please dont attack those participating what seems to be called the ''Official Verse Reboot''))#((I want to see where theyre going with it. it looks like fun))
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the fact that fnaf after everything with its creator still has adult fans and is getting new merch, games, and other things made for it is wild to me. regardless of how you feel about death of the author or whatever, the new fnaf content that is being made is getting less and less coherent plot wise and the gameplay is getting repetitive. From an objective standpoint i think that the first fnaf game was never meant to be what the series became. As someone who has a general knowledge of how games are made, especially when it comes to narrative driven games, it was clearly meant to simply be a gameplay focused horror game with a little story thrown in to give some cool backstory and add some mystery, and then maybe there'd be a few more games in the series that expand on the mechanics and elaborate on the story a bit but its pretty reasonable to assume that the story of the game was meant to be mostly up for interpretation and that as a series, it wouldnt be too long. Unfortunately though, it ended up gaining fame and people reading more into it which definitely contributed to the series being what it is now (and also yknow.. money is another reason.) It sort of ended up having a certain Supernatural (tm) effect where it kept getting worse but people still watched it which i guess answers my question of why people still like it (because people arent willing to let things they like go even if theyre bad) but that is an unfulfilling answer to me and theres definitely a more fulfilling one
so im wondering now.. are people (not counting kids for a reason) who still like fnaf holding onto the series because they liked the concept (of animatronics, a sprawling mystery, and other things) and have never found or heard of other things that share those same concepts? Or is it really just simply holding onto things that are nostalgic to them? Im genuinely curious because i have been into things that just got bad because they went for too long or tried to do convoluted things with the story that i just moved on from. I still remember when i was younger i watched supernatural with my sibling, and did really enjoy it, we got pretty late in the show before my sibling told me they thought it was getting worse and didnt want to watch it anymore. Of course as a kid who didn't really even know how to tell if a form of entertainment was bad, i was a little upset and didnt understand why but agreed anyway. And so we stopped watching supernatural and watched other things together like steven universe that we ended up liking way more. Occasionally there would be tv show or anime that just ended up sucking and from then on we just stopped watching it and watched something else.
I think the reason i fully stopped liking fnaf was partly that i recognized the content i was watching for it (like lets plays or theory videos) were getting worse and i also just grew out of it? As the years went on i got into other games like half life or portal that had way more fulfilling stories to me that i enjoyed a lot more so fnaf just became something i didnt care about. fnaf is like the cracker barrel of video games to me, i went there as a kid because other people liked it so i was supposed to also like it and mostly really liked it because it was restaurant food and to a kid thats better than anything you get at home (and also they have little toys), and then one day when i was older and had gone to more different places i sat down, ate my food, and thought "wow this is bad actually," and never ate there again. And all of that is to say i really do wonder if the majority of adult fans of fnaf still like it because its one of the few games theyve engaged with in their life, and that if they were to expand their palette, try new things, and look back on their interests, then theyd be able to more easily accept its (and its creators) problems and move on from it as purely a thing of their past. because i promise you, there are better things out there, not everything is cracker barrel or supernatural, theres genres youve never even heard of, games that no one knows about waiting to be played, theres the sprawling mysteries of Outer Wilds, the gut wrenching horror of Devotion, the captivating characters of Psychonauts, the expansive world building of Half Life, there are so many better things out there made by better people. Letting go of something doesnt hurt as much when you have more things to enjoy. There are better things out there, you just have to stop looking in the same place.
#also if you have (or still do) like fnaf i wanna know either why you still like it or what specifically made you stop liking it :0#this has been on my mind for a few days i think its just an interesting thought because i think people like to care when people who make th#things they love really suck and i think it makes sense that someone would try so hard to justify just not letting go of it because they#dont have anything else. i think this is something you especially see with things that arent media too#if people are telling you not to go to a certain restaurant or store or something because it supports bad things and you havent tried#many other places and enjoy going to those places so you keep going to them anyway i dont think that alone makes someone a bad person#i think it just means youre scared of trying new things. like you can make coffee at home! you can try the special coffee beans you saw at#the store or a new creamer that looked interesting! instead of treating yourself to fast food you can buy other premade treats or just make#yourself some really good food you like to eat instead! i think the reason most people have trouble not going to chic fil a or starbucks#or whatever is because theyre too used to doing what they already do so they dont want to change#this is something i definitely need to work on but im just sort of in a situation where me doing anything outside of the norm is looked dow#on and made fun of by the people who i live with so i think im just gonna wait a while haha
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