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thatasianstereotype · 4 years

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Damn, You’re Looking Fine.

To my utter delight, my crack writing Fuck. I’m Gay. got a good reception. I was not expecting to write more for this AU/pairing. But why not? I got some ideas and a computer to write them down on.

So this fic is the took-a-while-to-put-together sequel. It’s focused on the downfall of one certain Liar-la, Damian wooing Adrien with all the flair and romantics as his Chaton deserves, and Adrien being a blushing hot gay mess.

P.S. Damian’s formal way of talking is an utter pain to write but hilarious to read.

P.S.S. Creative liberties were taken. Again. I just feel this needs to be mentioned.

So Status Update:

Adrien and Damian are definitely dating (It is totally official. Told you ya boi got game).

Adrien still calls him Hot-And-Sexy from time to time much to his utter mortification (He can’t make himself stop. Please send help). And Dami gets amused by it every single time, that arrogant smug jerk.

Marinette still puts the fear of god in Damian and he is wary of her. She feels very proud about that. Adrien wants to facepalm.

Fuck Gabriel Agreste.

And Lila Rossi is still a bitch.

Adrien and Marinette were made aware about Damian’s alter ego —well mostly because he is utterly terrified of Marinette’s seemingly sweet (icy) smile she gave him when she politely asked how he obtained the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous and partly because of Adrien’s pouting kitten eyes.

They truly were a pair to reckon with.

“I am not sure why the Justice League dismissed your concerns and pleas for assistance. So I am taking the initiative. My name is Damian Wayne, the son of Batman and the current Robin and leader of the Teen Titans.”

He’s a superhero too?! And it’s Robin!!! One of his favorites!! Can you hear him internally squealing in excitement?

Adrien bit his lip to keep from fanboying right then and there. But a slight pink hue spread across his face.

“You’re not lying.” Mari has gotten pretty good at deciphering through people’s bullshit. Whether it’s because she is now a Guardian or because Lila’s bitchiness made her a human lie-detector remains unknown.

Damian took it in stride. “I am not.”

“Paris is still our city.”

“I am only offering my assistance.” He won’t barge in on their superhero duties to the city. He has more class than that.

Mari didn’t have to look at Adrien to know his decision.

She smiled, a bright genuine smile. “Then we’re allies.” Before her eyes gained a spark of mischief and her smile turned teasing. “Hot-And-Sexy.”

“Marinette!” Adrien immediately covered his blushing bright red face with both hands, utterly mortified.

His sister was evil. E. V. I. L. And why is Damian smirking and looking so smug? Fuck! He even makes that look completely hot. Curse his Adonis genes. And curse his teenage hormones.

He regrets introducing the two of them together. What a pair they make. Truly a couple of fur-midable terrors here.

Back to the matter at hand, Marinette is able to ensure that Hawk Moth and Mayura will never be out again and another akuma won’t be made. She already made sure that the miraculous were better protected.

Damian has enough evidence to put them behind bars for their crimes but Marinette wanted to go through it and make sure that Adrien won’t suffer the repercussions of having a villain for a dad so they held onto it until they figure out how best to protect their sunshine.

Ah Shit.

“Duusu? Where are you?”

Did Gabriel lose the miraculous again?

But when he looked into the last place he left it, he groaned. Fuck. His brooch was a fake again.

He knew he shouldn’t have made a miraculous fashion line and had replicas of the miraculous jewelries made. It was his most popular items to date. He has gotten lot of praises for getting the details just right and capturing the essence of each miraculous holder. No surprise there. He deals with them on a daily basis. He should get the details fucking right.

It’s a wonder he only came up with a line because there was talk that he was becoming obsolete with no new ideas coming forth and if there is one thing that Gabriel Agreste isn’t, it is being obsolete.

The line was just a joke, a parody of the heroes and villains if you will, but apparently people like it. Ladybug and Chat Noir were the most popular obviously (he should’ve seen that coming to be honest). Hardly anyone buys Hawk Moth or Mayura and he is left with boxes of fake brooches.

It is annoying.

Especially since he keeps fucking misplacing his miraculous.

Adrien felt like he could be a Disney princess and just skip his way to school and sing for the world to hear.

Now that the Butterfly miraculous were safely with Marinette, he doesn’t have to worry about another akuma. He could just die happy right now. His dad doesn’t have a hold over him anymore. He doesn’t have to put up with Liar-la anymore. But if they put up a fuss? Well, worst case scenario is he becomes a Dupain-Cheng.

And he doesn’t mind. He’s already an honorary one.

And if that somehow doesn’t work out (which he highly doubts), Damian offered to make him a Wayne.

Françoise Dupont High School experienced a shock that morning. Specifically Ms. Bustier’s class.

When they saw Adrien and Marinette walking in class with arms intertwined, laughing and smiling together.

What the actual fuck?

Did they cross into an alternate universe? Marinette is a nasty bully and Adrien’s a pure sunshine child. Why would they be acting like they were the best of friends?

Lila glowered darkly when she saw them walking towards the back and sitting at the same table. Didn’t Adrien care about what his father thinks? Doesn’t he want to still be able to go to school?

She bit her lip and turned on the waterworks, her eyes close to bursting into tears. She made herself be the very picture of a pitiful woe-is-me victim as she cried out in a hurtful and betrayed tone. “Adrien, what are you doing with her? I thought we were close friends.”

The sheep class instantly catered to Lila, pointing their fingers at the pair.

Alya, her biggest supporter, led the charge as always. “Adrien! What do you have to say for yourself? How could you cheat on Lila like this? And with her?”

Adrien narrowed his eyes at his former friend. Bitch, how dare she implies he was in an actual relationship and had feelings for that harlot.

Wow.

He has been spending way too much time around Damian.

"Yeah, bro!” Kim said, raising his voice. “How could you do her dirty?”

“Okay guys.” Adrien cut in. “I don’t know where you heard that but me and Lila are not dating. Like at all.”

“Please.”Alya waved him off like he didn’t know what he was talking about (he was highly offended at the notion he didn’t know what his heart yearns for). “We all know you have feelings for Lila. You’re just in denial over them.”

Bitch, what?

Is no one catching onto his chaotic gay vibes here?

And oh, how his fragile little heart was betrayed yet again when he saw Nino supporting his girlfriend. He still couldn’t believe the first friend he made all by himself was a part of their rabid pack. He deeply mourned the loss of such a great friend in the midst of that deceiving fox’s claws.

“How many times do I need to say it?” At this point, Adrien was about to throw hands. “I don’t like Lila like that. I feel nothing but pure spite for her. Also, me and Marinette are not dating if anyone’s wondering. We’re just really good friends.”

“But Marinette’s a big bully.” Alix piped up, a hard edge in her voice. “She treats Lila horribly.”

“Marinette didn’t do anything to her. Rossi is lying.”

“Oh Adrien.” It was Mylene of all people who spoke up. “Did Marinette get to you with her lies?”

He was done.

Completely and utterly done.

He looked over at Marinette who shared his exasperation at the class’ antics.

Adrien already said it before. But it bears repeating.

Lila Rossi is a bitch.

Luckily (or maybe unluckily), that was the moment Ms. Bustier chose to step in the room and class started.

When the teacher’s back was turned, Adrien pulled out his phone and proceeded to spend the rest of the time alternating between taking notes and texting with Damian.

They were currently at the stage of their relationship to be sending animal pics and memes back and forth, with a few puns added from time to time.

He really does have the perfect boyfriend.

They cornered him after school.

One: Rude.

And two: Double rude.

He was excited to meet Hot-And-Sexy (daMn iT! It’s Damian! Get it right brain) at the bakery and spending time with his two most favorite people in the world (Tom and Sabine don’t count because actual parents don’t have a ranking).

His former friends were looking all concerned and everything because they somehow collectively came up with the idea that Marinette actually brainwashed him to believe Lila was evil.

The fucking irony.

They actually had the audacity to say that Marinette —sweet and honestly badass Marinette— was no good and just wanted to use Adrien to get ahead in the fashion industry (as if Mari actually needed him for that). He shouldn’t be around her. Lila was a much better person to keep as company.

Adrien laughed in their faces and left.

Onto happier events, Adrien was having a blast hanging out with Mari and Dami. His boyfriend (he still can’t believe he managed to score such a hottie!) fit right in the everything-that-matters siblings’ dynamics.

They were in Mari’s room. Adrien was cuddling with Damian on her bed. And Mari was at her desk working on fashion designs.

“So what’s your family like?” He played with Dami’s hair. It was so soft. Like what the fuck. It is so unfair.

Damian thought about it for a few seconds. “My family is a bit...crazy. We drive each other insane every other day but at the end of the day, I have no doubt they have my back as I have theirs.”

“You guys sound close.”

“We were not always. We had an extensive amount of issues to work through before we actually bonded as a true family.”

It was quiet for a minute until Damian casually said. “I would appreciate it a great deal if you can make time to visit Gotham for the summer.”

Adrien stopped playing with his hair to look at him with wide incredulous eyes. “Summer’s only two months away.”

“I am aware.”

“You really want me to meet them? Isn’t it too early?”

“I met yours the day we started dating.”

True but....

Adrien averted his eyes. “Do you think your family will like me? You guys fight criminals and my dad’s a villain.”

Damian put his hands over Adrien’s and gave them a light squeeze, making his Chaton look back at him.

“My mother is a villain and I was raised as an assassin. Yet despite of that, my father accepted me. And I am fairly confident he will do the same to you. Mon amour, you have a pure and selfless heart. You are a better person than I am. I have no doubt that my family will love you from the start.

“Are you being fur real right meow?” Adrien tried to lighten the atmosphere but he could feel his eyes tearing up.

"I wouldn’t lie to mew.”

He let out a small laugh, wiping his eyes. How did he ever get so lucky to land such an amazing guy? “You always know the purr-fect thing to say.”

“We get it you’re in love. It’s amazing. Now stop it with the puns.” Mari rolled her eyes, utterly exasperated at these idiots who just ignored her and pulled out even more cat puns. “You have got to be kitten me.”

Before she noticed what she said and groaned in faux despair. “Oh you two are so dead.”

Adrien stuck out his tongue playfully. “You can’t catch me. I got a handsome knight in shining armor to protect me.”

Damian interlaced their fingers. “Always, mon amour. I’ll protect you from everything like your wicked father.”

“Does that make me the dragon here?” Mari joined in. “Cool. I can breathe fire and torch people. Too bad I can’t do that to a certain liar.”

“Liar-la is totally the witch here.” Adrien said before thinking for a few seconds. “Does this make me the princess?”

“Well, knights always have to save the damsel in distress.” Mari said.

He frowned before crossing his arms indignantly. “Dami, I love you more than Plagg loves his stinky cheese, but I’m no damsel in distress.”

Damian rolled his eyes. “Tt. Of course not. You can destroy things with a single touch. It would be not be in my best interests to downplay your abilities.”

Adrien relaxed and beamed a sunny smile. “Good. Remember that.”

“Mon amour, I look for an equal as a partner, not some weak spoiled harlot that can not defend their self.” Damian placed a flower crown (that was just sitting on Marinette’s nightstand, must be one of her projects) on Adrien’s head. “Having said that I do believe you are a prince that deserves all the love and care in the world.”

And oh my.

Adrien can feel his face burning scarlet and his heart almost bursting at how sweet this incredible, conceited Adonis was.

He was falling in love with Damian over and over again each time they meet up.

“You deserve love too, Dami.”

And sweet, caring Hot-And-Sexy (Ah, fuck it. He will never grow out of that) placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

Oh dear, he didn’t know his face can burned any redder.

He could almost hear Mari cooing in the background.

And in case anyone was wondering, Tom and Sabine adores their everything-that-actually-matters son’s boyfriend. Damian Wayne seems like a responsible young lad. And he makes Adrien really happy which is a major plus. Anything that makes their son happy is good in their books.

Lila was not at all pleased.

Why was Adrien suddenly hanging out with Marinette? Yeah, he doesn’t buy into her lies but she was confident he will be lured into her charms. Why wouldn’t he be? She was young and way more beautiful than a baker’s daughter. He was supposed to be hers.

She and Gabriel are going to have a talk about his rebellious son.

Except when she arrived at the Agreste mansion, Gabriel was apparently too busy to see her.

He was too occupied with searching through boxes of fake miraculous to find Duusu to bother with her.

“I don’t have time for you.”

“Excuse me?!”

She was aghast. How dare he speak this way to his biggest supporter —well, besides Mayura and Nathalie.

“You’re excused. Now leave the premises.”

Before the door shut in her face and she was left fuming, her face an unflattering angry red.

Being Damian’s boyfriend, Adrien has come to learn that Damian does nothing by halves. Including asking him out on a date. And the actual dates themselves.

Today as the sun fell down and night came about, Damian and Adrien were taking a stroll in the park. It was relaxing and it was nice. They talked about everything and anything.

Adrien did not think Damian planned anything more.

But he really shouldn’t underestimate the son of Batman.

Because when the last of the sun’s rays were gone, Damian led him to a gazebo strung up with beautiful lights giving the whole place an ethereal feel. And with the bright moon out tonight, it looked like fairies dancing in the garden.

He didn’t notice Damian pressed play on his phone and classical music filled the air.

He definitely noticed Damian bowing with a flourished and holding out his hand with a charming smile. “May I have this dance, Chaton?”

Adrien would have to be a huge fool to say no.

“I’ll loved to.” He placed his hand in Damian’s and let the Adonis lead him in a simple waltz.

This was his life.

His life was one big sappy romance novel. And you know what, he doesn’t care if it is. Between dealing with his shitty father and Liar-la, this kitty deserves some happiness.

It was a scene from one of those Disney fairy tale movies Adrien used to watch as kid. The magic. The love. The romantics. He felt like Cinderella and wished this night will never end, that the clock will never strike midnight. He just wanted to stay in his Prince Charming’s arms forever.

Under the starry night sky, the lovebirds danced to their heart’s content and when another song ended, Damian tilted his head down to place a tender kiss on Adrien’s lips.

“I harbor a great deal of non-platonic affections for you, mon amour.”

“I love you too, Hot-And-Sexy.”

What the fuck?!

Seriously.

What the actual fuck?

Lila was simply walking home after her disastrous meeting with Gabriel (She was still not over how he simply dismissed her like she was nothing. How dare he).

When she saw them.

Adrien and some guy (she’s pretty sure that was a guy) dancing in the park. She can feel that disgusting jealousy just burning in her veins, a cold anger thrumming underneath.

Things were not at all going her way.

First, Adrien is back to being friends with that Mari-whore. Then, Gabriel ignores her. Her. And now, she is seeing her Adrien in the arms of someone else.

Oh this will just not do.

She took out her phone from her pocket and snapped a couple of pictures, making sure Adrien can clearly be seen. She didn’t care too much about the other guy. He’s probably just another pretty airhead Adrien knew through his father. He’s not important.

A cruel smirk appeared on her face at the thought of the perfect revenge. Adrien was going to have a rough time at school tomorrow. After all, he should’ve known better than to make a move against her.

“Seriously?!”

“Wow.”

“I’m sure there’s an explanation for this.”

“Yeah. Adrien is obviously gay. That’s the only explanation.”

“....Maybe not? There could be another reason.”

Lila had watery eyes and a sad frown on her face but inside, she was fucking smiling like a Cheshire cat. She made sure to be at school early so she can show the class the picture of Adrien’s little date last night. Who —predictably— were shocked at their sunshine child being with a guy and made plans to confront him about his supposed sexuality.

She glowed at the thought of her plan working. This will teach Adrien to know his place or become a social pariah like his little friend Marinette.

“I thought Adrien had feelings for me.” Lila wiped the “tears” from her eyes. “How could he lead me on like this when he’s been gay all along?”

Alya —predictably— comforted her. “I’m pretty sure he’s just confused. He doesn’t know what he’s feeling.”

“I’m sure that’s it.”

The pair didn’t notice Juleka and Rose glaring at them.

Damian was not at all pleased.

He was rightfully angry.

How dare that poor sense of fashion taste trollop tried to shame his mon amour for being gay. How dare she try to say he was simply confused and didn’t know any better. How dare she defame his reputation because he holds nothing but spite for her person.

How dare she.

As Adrien’s boyfriend and future husband, it is his duty to correct this travesty and defend his Chaton’s honor.

When the Damian Wayne, youngest son of Bruce Wayne, appeared at Françoise Dupont High School, you know that people are gonna stare and talk.

When he headed towards the courtyard where Adrien and Marinette were sitting at, boy are things going to get juicy.

Lila and her followers who were sitting a bit father from the outcast pair were utterly confused. They could possibly get Adrien knowing such a super hot celebrity but for him to be on good terms with Marinette too? How inconceivable. Absolutely flabbergasted.

“Hey Lila didn’t you tell us you knew him and his family?” Max brought up.

“Uhhh....” Lila knew she dug herself in a corner here. She never thought that the Damian Wayne would ever visit here. At this second rate school.

“Well, let’s go, girl!” Alya exclaimed. “I’m sure Damian just hasn’t seen you. That’s why he didn’t walk towards you.”

Before proceeding to practically drag Lila to where Damian was talking with Adrien and Marinette.

Lila, on the other hand, was cursing out Alya in a bunch of different languages in her mind while trying to come up with something to dig herself out of this mess. If they talk to Wayne, the class will realize she was lying all along.

She was not going to lose control of her kingdom like this —well, not without putting up a fight.

But when they and the rest of their classmates walked close to the trio, they were shocked when they saw Marinette playfully punching Damian in the arm.

“Okay. How the hell are you so close with Damian Wayne?” Straight off the bat, Alya was on the offense as she glared at Marinette as if it was Mari who did something wrong.

Damian answered before the bluenette could. His face was impassive and his glare cold. “I’m Ms. Dupain-Cheng’s top model for her fashion business.”

What?

Even Lila was taken aback at the news. She knew that goody two shoes likes designing but she didn’t think anybody would actual buy her stuff. She didn’t think a Wayne would like her stuff.

She could feel her fists clenched. How dare Marinette steal the spotlight again.

“I’m also Adrien’s boyfriend.” Damian continued casually as if that wasn’t a huge bombshell.

Everyone’s minds screeched to a halt.

They knew about the possibility of Adrien being gay since Lila showed him on going on a date with an unidentified but clearly male person yesterday. But they didn’t think there was actually something there.

Lila could feel her anger clouding her mind. Adrien was supposed to be hers. He was her ticket to fame and fortune.

“And what about Lila? Aren’t you guys best friends?” Alya put her hands on her hips. How could Damian just ignore someone he is close friends with but give Marinette all the attention? Lila deserves better than that.

Damian was unamused. “I don’t know her.”

“Yeah, you do.” Alya ignored Lila’s gestures to stop talking. Lila was too shy about her achievements and she was going to have her amazing best friend’s back. “She’s the one who helped your family out multiple times.”

“She did not. And I am appalled that you believe I would know a harlot like her in the first place.” Damian’s face twisted with disgust as he glanced at Liar-la like she was a mere insect. “Please. I have class and dignity.”

“Take that back!” She screeched. “You are so rude.”

“Are you honestly going to lecture me on my rudeness when you plebians are being hypocrites?”

“What? I’m not a hyprocrite.”

“Lila Rossi is a pathetic liar who begs for attention like street dogs beg for scraps. She never once saved Jagged’s cat nor does she help out with green charities. Lastly, she is not on close terms with myself nor with my family.”

“No! You’re lying!”

He raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Ok then. Look her up on the internet. If she is as grand as you lot seem to think, she should have articles dedicated to her. Show me proof of her actions that isn’t your subpar blog and I will give you an exclusive.”

Alya’s eyes gleamed at what should be an easy challenge. But when she pulled out her phone and typed Lila’s name and what she did in the search engine, her smile disappeared.

She spent the next few minutes scouring the net for anything, any mention of a Lila Rossi that wasn’t on the LadyBlog.

She found nothing.

Lila Rossi was a fucking liar all along. And Alya and the rest of the class believed her.

“We tried to warn you.” Marinette said in a soft voice. But anyone who knew her knew she was trying to hold back her laughter.

“Marinette,” Rose cried out as she realized the class has been total jerks to the one person who always had their backs. “We were horribly wrong. Can you ever forgive us?”

She shrugged. “I forgive you. But this doesn’t mean we’re friends again. Because we’re not. Seeing how easily you drop me for that liar without even looking for any kind of proof hurts and I’m not eager to be friends again. Maybe in the future but not right now.”

“That’s goes ditto for me.” Adrien added his two cents.

Their former friends classmates wore gloomy expressions, utterly devastated at ruining their friendship with their Everyday Ladybug and Sunshine Child.

And with that, Adrien and Marinette left the courtyard, with light hearts and heads held high.

Damian shot the class a razor sharp grin. “Well, it’s been nice to meet you.”

Everyone knew he meant anything but.

“I always knew teenagers were prone to be foolish imbeciles. But seeing the collective stupidity of you people today made me realize that the bar can in fact be lowered.”

Adrien was fucking ecstatic.

Elated. Overjoyed. Jubilant. Drunk on happiness. All the synonyms associated.

Because Lila was finally exposed. The class realized what utter assholes they have been. His father will receive his due (soon according to Mari and Dami).

He was happily humming a tune as he swung his and Damian’s intertwined hands back and forth.

He was entirely grateful that Damian showed up to school today. Although he was a bit mean for Adrien’s taste.

But oh man. Payback was so sweet.

He smiled giddily.

Mister Hot-And-Sexy definitely earned himself a kiss.

#ml x dc #ml salt #ml salt fic #lila rossi salt #class salt #gaydrien #adrien is a hot mess #bamf marinette #adrien deserves better #marinette deserves better #adrien agreste x damian wayne #adridami #well would you look at that #turns out to be 3.8K fic this time #I'm still down with this ship

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bitchloveskcbaseball · 4 years

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Payback ~~ Happy Birthday Burns!!!!!!!

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x Casey Valentine

Series: The Bones

Series Note: Just a small housekeeping note... Working on this got me thinking about the chronology of this series and I came to the realization that Flirt and, by extension, this fic, fit in better before Surprise, so I have changed my masterlist to reflect that.

Summary: Casey figures out how Bryce can pay up on an unsettled IOU. A follow-up to Flirt.

Word Count: 5170 (helluva way to break 6 months of writer’s block LOL)

Warnings: Language (if this ever doesn’t appear here, send help because something is seriously wrong with me lmao)

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry

A/N: Happy Happy Birthday @burnsoslow!!! This is 100% written for you and 100% because of you!!!! You requested fluffy Bryce and Casey and this is me hoping I have given that to you!! What?!?!? Not me struggling to write fluff without adding in that dash of angst I’m so fond of LMAO

I literally don’t know if there are words enough to express just how much I love and appreciate you, but this is me attempting to find them anyway 💜💜 From my very first crazy message all those months ago I know I should have come with a warning label... it fell off during transport so I am so very sorry about that LMAO, I have felt so unbelievably lucky that I have been able to get to know you. You are one of the most supportive people I have ever met. You are so kind and caring and genuine. You are also the coolest badass with an insanely awesome sense of humor. I love how we totally lose our minds over sports -- especially football lol -- together is it Sunday yet? this wait is fucking killing me and my nerves are already through the damned roof LMAO But what I love even more than that is the way we can talk about everything in between too -- all the ups and downs of everyday life. I truly treasure your friendship so so much and I hope your birthday is as amazing as you are!!! Love you!!!!!!!

A/N #2: Thank you soooooo much @bbrandy2002 for reading over this for me and calming my nerves over this!!!!

“Yo, B!”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Remember that IOU you still haven’t paid up on?”

The slight hesitation in Bryce’s voice gave him away even as he lied, “Uh…no? What are you talkin’ bout?”

Raising an eyebrow even though he was in his bedroom while she was in the living room, Casey prodded, “Sure ya do, love. It was after you hit on that poor, new surgical nurse and you somehow ended up making a date with her. I went with you and helped smooth the situation over because your whiny ass was terrified of having all of the surgical nurses pissed at you.”

He skulked into the living room and plopped down on the couch with her so that his head was laying in her lap. She knew the look he was giving her – hair flopped down just over his eyebrow while he was looking up through his lashes at her – was entirely deliberate as he muttered, “I thought maybe you’d decided that that whole fiasco was punishment enough.”

“Not even close, Bryce. I literally had to go explain to that poor girl that you were in a relationship with me while simultaneously making sure that she didn’t think you were a creep or a two-timing asshat. I deserve to get something outta that shit.”

“Ugh. Ok… fine. So…what kind of torture am I about to endure?”

Casey tried to shove Bryce’s head off of her lap, but he just wrapped his left arm around her back and laughed at her attempt. “You are impossible, you know this?”

“Yet you love me anyway.”

“Sometimes I really wonder why, though.”

He ran his hand lightly up under her shirt along her side, stopping when his thumb was able to brush the skin just below her bra. Just that simple touch was enough to have Casey’s breath catching and a self-satisfied smirk spread across his face. “Do you need a refresher course, Case?”

Summoning up all the inner strength she could find, Casey bit back the moan bubbling up the back of her throat and rolled her eyes exaggeratedly at him. “No, Bryce, I don’t. I know all about those magic hands” – another eye roll for emphasis – “of yours. Don’t think you are going to distract me into forgetting what this conversation is about.”

Bryce huffed out a sigh through the deep pout that had settled over his face and she had to bite the inside of her lip to keep a smile from breaking out over her own. She waited a few beats until he finally dropped his hand back down so it was resting against her hip before quirking an eyebrow up and leveling him with her best are-you-shitting-me stare. “Do you really think that you shouldn’t have to pay up after that bullshit, Bryce?”

“Ugh. Of course I know that I owe you for that. I was just… hoping that you would take pity on me and not cash it in.”

“I swear, sometimes it’s like you’ve never even met me before.”

A streak of pain shot across his face so quickly that if she hadn’t been watching him so closely, if she didn’t know him so well, she would have never even picked up on it. But she had and she did and it sent a stab of guilt rocketing through her so strongly, she almost tossed aside the ruse that she had taken so much care in plotting out. Rather than changing course completely, however, she opted for a slight detour to reassure him instead. “Love, you know I was only joking.” When Bryce tried to interrupt, she placed an index finger over his lips to silence him while she ran the fingers of her other hand soothingly through his hair. “You know me better than anyone in this world ever has. Ever will. Okay?”

Bryce’s eyes had slipped closed, a soft smile turning the corners of his lips up, as she spoke and Casey couldn’t help but trace her finger across his eyelids and then down across his lips. When she got to the middle of his lower lip, his lips parted and he gently nipped at the tip of her finger. The sudden move startled a breathless laugh from her and when she met his eyes again, they were full of mischief.

Shaking her head good-naturedly at him, she was about to scold him – playfully – when Bryce mirrored her earlier gesture and placed a finger across her lips. “I give, alright? Just take mercy on me and tell me what kind of penance I’m about to pay.”

“Do you always have to be so damned dramatic?”

“Case…”

“Fine! I need you to drive me to a meeting tomorrow morning.”

“Is … that it? Just a ride?”

Confusion knit his brows together and instinctively Casey ran her fingertips between and over them to soothe the wrinkles away before whispering, “Yes and no.” Shaking her head slightly to get herself back on track, she added, “It’s going to require fighting rush-hour traffic to get downtown” – his groan brought a smile to her lips – “and I… I would like you to go in with me.”

“Seriously? You are dragging me down there in that bullshit and making me sit through some boring meeting with you?”

“As a matter of fact, I am.” Cocking a defiant eyebrow at him, Casey challenged, “Is that a problem?”

Feeling more than hearing the sigh he huffed out, Casey bit back a laugh at the look of horror on Bryce’s face that was ruined by the humor dancing in his eyes. “I do this and then we’re even, right?” When she nodded her agreement, he let out a melodramatic groan before finally muttering, “Fine. I’ll do it.”

Twelve hours later, Casey was struggling to decide whether she was going to join Bryce in cussing out the idiot drivers that seemed to be out in full force on their morning commutes or start laughing hysterically at his outbursts. After chancing a glance at him out of the corner of her eye and seeing the tight lines of frustration and irritation marring his beautiful expression, Casey instead decided to try and lighten his tension.

Reaching over to gently pull his right hand off of the steering wheel while they were once again stopped after only moving half a foot on the freeway, she laced their fingers together. When Bryce didn’t even glance in her direction, she had to bite back the brief flare of hurt, reminding herself that he wasn’t deliberately trying to hurt her. Seeing that the traffic was probably going to be at a standstill for a bit longer, Casey carefully leaned across the console to place a quick, gentle kiss to his cheek before whispering in his ear, “Thank you so much for doing this with me. I…I really didn’t want to have to do this alone.” With her nerves getting the better of her and realizing how much she could be setting herself up for humiliation, or worse, she couldn’t bite back the honest admission.

Before she could settle back into her seat, Bryce tightened his fingers around hers where their hands were resting against his thigh. Finally turning to look at her, his eyes fell to her lips as he murmured, “C’mere.”

Despite her half-hearted, at best, protest of, “But the traffic,” Casey found herself leaning back in to press her lips against his. Although the kiss was incredibly brief, it was also soft and sweet, managing to settle the nerves she hadn’t expected to be feeling.

When she was once again situated properly in her seat, Bryce brought their linked hands up so that he could press a kiss to the back of hers. "You know, you never did tell me what all this is about.”

Forcing a calmness into her voice that she didn’t quite feel, Casey feigned innocence on a gasped, “Oh, I didn’t?”

“No, babe. You didn’t. So… you gonna tell me what’s got you so nervous this morning?”

He wasn’t supposed to notice that!

Fumbling for what she could say to mollify him without giving up what was about to go down, Casey was relieved when she noticed both that traffic was moving once again and that their exit was coming up in just over a mile. “Hey love, this next exit is ours.”

Somehow giving her a side-eye while still keeping his focus on merging into the needed lane, Bryce muttered, "I know what you’re doing.”

Her heart leapt into her throat, out of both anxiousness and frustration that her plan was blown but before she could respond, he added, “You’re trying to avoid answering my question by giving me directions.”

That pulled a genuine laugh out of her and she couldn’t help but sass, “Oh, yes. I’m only telling you how to get to our destination as an avoidance tactic. Not because I want to… oh, I dunno, get there on time, or anything.”

Bryce’s lips twitched and she knew he was trying to fight back a smile, but he remained silent for the rest of the drive, allowing her to navigate them to the parking garage that she was told to utilize on her last phone call with the receptionist.

He turned to her with the most intense puppy-dog look he’d given her to date after parking and practically whined, “Are you seriously gonna force me to sit through whatever this is after making me face rush hour?”

Fighting back her dismay by reminding herself that he didn’t know why they were downtown so he couldn’t be rejecting her, Casey schooled her expression into one of annoyance. “She cried, Bryce. You embarrassed that poor girl so bad that she was fucking bawling. And you got saved by that damned pager of yours, so I had to comfort and reassure her all by myself.”

He at least had the grace to look ashamed at that as he held his hands up in defeat. “Okay. Okay. I get it. No more complaints from me.”

“Good. Now let’s go before I’m late.”

Fully expecting Bryce to still be pouting, Casey was slightly surprised when he was waiting for her at the back of his car, his arm outstretched towards her with a soft smile on his face. She tried to take his hand, but he encouraged her to wrap her arm around his waist as he wrapped his around her shoulders and settled her in against his side instead. Before they took off towards the elevator bank, he dropped a kiss to the top of her head and whispered into her hair, “I’m sorry I’ve been such a baby about this, Case. Even if I didn’t owe you for that, which I definitely do, I’d be here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

Resisting the urge to growl at him for being so damned sweet when she was trying to torture him, she squeezed his side and laid her head on his shoulder. “I know you are, B.”

“Okay then. Let’s get this shit over with. Whatever this shit is.”

“Ugh, don’t worry about it. You’ll know here soon enough.”

After making their way into the huge office building just down the street from the parking garage and up the elevator to the twentieth floor, the couple were standing in front of the office of the realtor that Casey had been talking to for the last few weeks, unbeknownst to Bryce. The minute that they came to a stop, still wrapped in each other’s arms, she could feel the tension flood his body and wondered for the hundredth time if using this as payback was a good idea. Still, she steeled herself, knowing she would never be able to come up with a different plan that would be satisfactory enough to fulfill this particular IOU.

“Casey?”

“Yeah?”

There was an unmistakable hint of panic in his voice as he asked, “This is where your meeting is?”

“Yeah, it is. Now come on. My appointment is in like two minutes and I don’t want to be late.”

His feet stayed planted as she stepped forward to open the door, his hand tightening on her shoulder keeping her in place. She felt her expression soften when she glanced up into his terrified eyes. Forcing herself to push on, she deliberately misinterpreted his fear, telling him, “It’s okay, Bryce. It’s just an office. I’m not gonna make you do paperwork or anything.” Well, actually I hope that is a lie.

“But – “

“C’mon. Seriously, I’m about to be late and I’m just standing out here in the hallway.” It took her practically dragging him, but Casey managed to get both him and herself into the reception area of the office, where she was met with a kind, understanding smile of the receptionist that she had spent a great deal of time talking to and planning with.

“Hello and welcome to Mortemer Realty. My name is Peyton and we are so happy to have you here today. Can I get you guys something to drink? Water, coffee?”

Casey looked up at Bryce waiting for him to answer, but after taking in his dazed look, she realized he likely hadn’t heard Peyton’s question so answered for him instead. “Could we have a couple bottles of water?”

“Certainly, I’ll be right back with those. And Edward should be ready for you in just a moment. He was just finishing up a phone call.”

As soon as she walked away, Bryce’s face snapped down to Casey’s with his eyes narrowed. “The fuck are we – you – doing here?”

Before Casey could reply, the door to an inner office and the realtor, Edward, stepped out. “Ah, Casey! It’s such a delight to see you again.” Bryce’s hand once again tightened around her shoulder at the word “again.”

Reaching her free hand, luckily her right, out to close around Edward’s for a handshake, she gave him a bright smile and replied, “It’s good to see you again as well. I’m” – she took in what she hoped was a hopefully silent, steadying breath – “excited to get this ball rolling!”

“Excellent! And I see Peyton has already taken drink orders.” Giving Peyton an exaggerated wink and a smile that she returned, Edward waited until she had given both Bryce and Casey their bottles before continuing, “Is there anything else we can get you before we begin?”

Shoving down her ever-increasing nerves at Bryce’s silence, Casey shook her head and said with more confidence than she felt, “No, thank you. I’m more than ready to get going.”

“Alright, then. Let’s have a seat.”

Tugging Bryce with her, Casey followed Edward into his office and pulled the two chairs set up there closer together before gently urging Bryce to settle into one of them. Once she was comfortable in her own, she reached over to rest her hand on his leg, needing to give him some sort of comfort. This was a terrible idea. What the fuck was I thinking?

Realizing Edward was already speaking, Casey took a small breath to calm herself down, thinking, I’ve come this far, no sense in turning back now, before focusing her attention back on the realtor. “…what you told me you were looking for. Is that correct?”

After taking a quick peek at the sheet of information she’d provided him in their previous meeting, Casey glanced at Bryce out of the corner of her eye to see that he was staring at the wall with the same dazed look in his eye and then answered, “Yes. That looks like everything. Were you able to find anything that fit the bill?”

“I was! Actually, I managed to find three listings that covered all of the must-haves on your list.”

“Three? I wasn’t sure if I’d be lucky enough to find one!”

Edward laughed, “Then I guess it’s a good thing you came to me for help!”

Casey returned his laugh as he handed her three sheets of paper detailing the listing details for the three apartments she’d been shown on her day off last week. She already knew all of the information on them by heart, especially that of the one she knew she liked best, but made a show of looking over the paper as if it was the first time she was seeing it.

After giving her a few minutes of silence, Edward asked, “Do you have any questions about any of the properties?”

Humming softly under her breath in mock contemplation, she finally looked up and forced herself to avoid making eye contact with Bryce as she replied, “No. I think this covers everything I need to know.”

“Excellent! As luck would have it, all of the properties are available for a showing today. Would you be interested in that?”

Casey caught the twitch at the corner of Edward’s lips when he glanced briefly in Bryce’s direction and found herself biting the inside of her lip to keep her composure. She was genuinely impressed with herself when her voice came out steady on her answer, “That would be perfect, since I won’t have another day off until later next week.”

That seemed to snap Bryce out of his daze and he whipped his head around to look at her as he wrapped his hand around the one she still had resting against his thigh. “Are you in some sort of a hurry?”

Before she could answer, Edward interjected, “She needs to be if she wants any of these properties. They are all quite coveted and she will need to move fast before someone else comes in and scoops them up.” Swiveling his gaze back to Casey, he asked, “Do you know which one you would like to see first?”

“Oh, um… this one” – she handed the paper of the one she had fallen in love with back to Edward – “This one is the furthest drive, so I figured we should probably start there and then can work our way back?”

“Actually, I was anticipating you might wish to view them today, so I made arrangements for transportation for us. We’ll take a helicopter there and there will be a car waiting to drive us to the properties once we arrive.”

Bryce’s hand tightened around hers almost painfully. “Hel-helicopter?”

“It’s the most efficient way to get to New York and still have plenty of time and sunlight to properly assess all of the options.”

“Oh my gosh! That is so amazing of you! Thank you so much!” I hope I’m not overselling my fake surprise too much.

“I figured with your schedule as a doctor, this would be the easiest way for you to see everything that you wish to and still be back to Boston in plenty of time. In fact, the helicopter should be ready for us if we leave now. Does that work for you two?”

Turning to face Bryce, Casey had to shove down her guilt once again at the ashen look on his face. Placing her free hand over the one Bryce still had wrapped around hers, she squeezed gently until his eyes met hers and flashed him a smile. “Are you ready for a quick trip to the ol’ NYC?”

“Now?”

Casey laughed, “Yes, now! Aren’t you the king of spontaneity?”

“I uh… I” – he swallowed hard, his fingers flexing under hers – “Yeah, I guess I am. Let’s uh… Let’s do this.”

A squeal of genuine excitement slipped from her lips before she could contain it causing Bryce to flinch, so she leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek to soften the blow before turning back to Edward and telling him, “It definitely works for us.”

A little over three hours, and barely two words from Bryce, later, the group of three were stepping off an elevator onto the tenth floor of a brand-new apartment building. “Now, as the literature explained, this apartment won’t have the picturesque view of the city that the higher floors do, but that does actually save you a bit on the rent. The owners have discovered it’s been a bit trickier to rent out the apartments on this side of the lower floors because of the adjoining building.”

“I thought you said these listings were flying off the market?”

The shock of hearing Bryce string together and entire sentence had Casey’s steps faltering so much she almost tripped herself. The way that Bryce reached out to steady her and tuck her into his side – the most contact they’d shared since they left the realty office – offered her some semblance of reassurance.

“They are flying, but that doesn’t mean that the interested parties are willing to overpay compared to other options out there. It isn’t much of a savings, mind you, but every bit helps.”

Casey agreed, “Yes, it absolutely does.”

Coming to a stop in front of apartment 104, Edward turned to look directly at Casey and announced, “Here we are. Are you ready to take a look around?”

Feeling as if she were literally vibrating, she hoped that Bryce would attribute it to excitement rather than nerves as she nodded her head in response, all ability to form words escaping her as only one thought bounced around her brain: I hope he loves this as much as I do.

Once the door was open, Edward stepped out of the way to let Casey and Bryce enter first. Surprisingly, she didn’t have to pull him along behind her, but rather was practically getting drug inside by him. She honestly wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. As they moved about the small apartment, checking out both bedrooms and bathrooms before venturing through the almost non-existent living room into the kitchen, Casey kept sneaking surreptitious glances at Bryce to try and judge his impression.

When he finally came to a stop in front of the refrigerator, staring into the stainless steel, she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She pressed a kiss to his shoulder blade before whispering, “So, what do you think?”

Letting out a harsh scoff, he practically hissed, “Does it even fucking matter?”

You knew there was a chance that he’d be pissed. Just stay the course and it will all be fine. It has to be fine.

“Of course it matters! I wouldn’t have brought you along if it didn’t.” When the only response she got was another scoff, she squeezed her arms around him gently and pleaded, “Please, Bryce?”

Spinning in her arms, Bryce threw up his hands and exclaimed, “Fine! It’s a great fucking place! It’s got enough room for a TV and couch for your sports, a good-sized bedroom, a more-than-adequate kitchen for all that you are gonna use it. Hell, it even has a goddamn extra bedroom that you could use for a fucking office if you want!” He let out a deep breath and seemed to deflate with it as he asked, “That what you wanted to hear?”

Pressing herself closer so she could rest her chin against his chest, she bit her bottom lip and hoped that she could hold herself together for just a bit longer because seeing him lose it like that damn near broke her. “Almost.”

“Really? What fucking more could you want from me over this?”

“You really like this place?”

Finally wrapping his arms around her, he muttered, “No. I told you I think it’s great. I didn’t say I like it.”

“What don’t you like about it?”

“You really have to ask?”

“I really do.”

“It’s in fucking New York City! I mean – never mind.”

Sucking in a steadying breath, Casey turned her head so that her ear was pressed against his chest. The sound of his pounding heart beneath it simultaneously made her feel like shit and also reassured her. “So that’s the only thing you didn’t like?”

Letting out a resigned sigh, Bryce pressed a kiss to the top of her head and said, “Yeah. That’s the only shitty thing about this place. But do you really think you need to waste all that extra money on a two-bedroom?”

“I think so.”

“Why? Other than an office that you would never use?”

“Well, I think Keiki would like to have her own room, wouldn’t you?”

Shoving her away from his chest by her shoulders, Bryce narrowed his eyes at her. “What are you talking about?”

Giving him her most patronizing look, Casey repeated herself very slowly, “I think Keiki would like to have her own room.”

“In New York?”

“No.”

“Casey. What in the hell is going on?”

Surprised by the force of her unexpected laughter, Casey couldn’t help but double over. When she had regained a bit of control, she turned over her shoulder toward Edward and asked, “You think I should let him in on it?”

“I think you’ve made the poor boy suffer more than enough.”

“Okay, fine.” Twisting back to look Bryce in the eye, she brought a hand up to cup the side of his face, her thumb tracing over his cheek. “Did you really think I would move away without even telling you first?”

“Before today? Not a fucking chance. But we’re standing in an apartment you want to rent in New York fucking City, so I guess I was wrong.”

“You weren’t wrong, love. This was just a little bit of payback.”

“What?”

“I’m not looking for an apartment for me. I’m looking for an apartment for us – you, me and Keiki.”

Bryce’s brows scrunched together in a combination of disbelief and confusion. “In New York?”

“If I may?” Edward interjected, waiting for Casey to nod yes before continuing, “Casey came to me a few weeks back, wanting to know about two-bedroom listings in Boston that would be close enough to Edenbrook to be feasible for the two of you and your sister. In the midst of our conversations, I asked why she was doing this solo if she had a partner to help her with the process and she told me that she was wanting to set him up with a little bit of a fake out to pay him back for a mess she had to clean up for him. That led to us discussing the whole situation and once we found the apartment that she could best see you guys living in, I realized a way that we could take her plan to a whole new level.”

By this point, Casey was giggling almost uncontrollably, but she still managed to add, “Oh my god, it was a brilliant idea.” Bryce’s fingers tightening around her waist told her he wasn’t sold on that opinion quite yet.

Edward laughed softly, “I’m so glad you enjoyed it Casey. Anyways, the apartment she picked just so happened to be owned by a real estate firm that had just built an almost identical building in New York. So, I called and found out that it had an apartment that matched the floorplan of the one in Boston so I arranged to have this available for a showing today. That way you could see what your apartment will look like, if you choose to lease it, and we could really psych you out.”

The apartment was silent for what felt like hours as both Casey and Edward waited to see how Bryce was going to react to the full reveal of her deception. As the seconds ticked by, her nervousness amped up exponentially, suddenly terrified that she’d ruined not only her chance to move in with Bryce but maybe their entire relationship. When she couldn’t take it any longer, she used the hand still cupping his cheek to gently turn his head so that she could meet his eyes. There was a look in them that she couldn’t quite read and she had to force her words out around a growing lump in her throat. “Bryce? Love? Talk to me.”

“You really set all this up as payback for the incident with Lilly?”

“I… I did.”

“So, you thought ‘Let’s make Bryce think I’m moving to New York City without discussing it with him first.’?”

Casey sucked in a deep breath through her teeth, but kept her voice steady as she answered, “I did.”

His eyes narrowed on her in a glare so hot she felt like her skin was melting, but she refused to look away. Whatever the fallout was going to be for this, she knew she had to face it head on. He was silent for several long beats before a smile finally broke out over his beautiful face and he let out a hearty laugh. “Damn, babe. That… that’s fucking incredible.”

“Wait… you aren’t… mad?”

“Hell, no! I’m impressed that you came up with such a devious plan, to be honest!”

“Really?”

“Really. I only have one question.”

“Um … okay?”

Shifting his gaze back over her shoulder, he asked Edward, “Why did you go to so much trouble, so much expense, for this prank for a woman you don’t even know?”

“Oh, that’s actually an easy one. Remember that pitcher that collapsed during the game between Manhattan and Boston a while back? He’s my cousin and she saved his life.”

“Stop it, Edward. I told you that wasn’t just me.”

“Bullshit. Several of his teammates told him and me both how you figured out what was wrong with him. Besides that, I could immediately tell what an amazing woman she is. As much as she wanted to mess with you, her biggest concern was finding a place that would be comfortable for you and your sister. She wasn’t even worried about what she wanted or needed. All in all, I was more than happy to help you guys find a place and to help her get a little bit of payback.”

Chuckling once again, Bryce brought a hand up to the back of her neck to bring their faces closer together. When their lips were almost touching, he muttered, “Damn, Case. I’m so glad I have no interest in a prank war with you.”

Voice breathless, she asked, “And why is that?”

“Because I’ve already lost before I could even begin.”

Casey’s laugh was short-lived as Bryce pressed their lips together for a deep and tender kiss. When they finally pulled apart, Casey’s smile was slightly mischievous, making Bryce question, “What’s that about?”

“I just realized I never got to asking my question.”

“Oh yeah?” Leaning back down, Bryce pressed his forehead against hers. “You’d better hurry up and ask then. Wouldn’t want to give me too much time to think about how to respond.”

After pinching his side, Casey let out a soft chuckle at his grunt and lifted her arms up to wrap around his neck. She leaned in just enough to brush her lips across Bryce’s and then stayed there as she asked, “Do you want to live in this apartment’s Boston twin with me?”

“When can we move in?”

Tag List: @anotherbeingsworld @darley1101 @lahellacute @mrsdrlahela @burnsoslow @mvalentine

I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything, so if you’d prefer not to be tagged anymore, I apologize. Just let me know and I will take you off the list. I actually debated whether I should even tag anyone in this for that exact reason, so I will totally understand if you want off - especially because I don’t know how soon I’ll have any sort of regular posts again.

#bryce x mc #bryce lahela x mc #choices open heart #happy happy birthday burns!!!

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ironmandeficiency · 4 years

Text

13 x 7 = 28

pairing: no pairing (no reader mentioned)

word count: 1907

summary: naturally is in deep shit. he got in over his head during sabaac with a member of the five-oh-first and now owes the man in blue more credits than he’s ever had at once. luckily, his ori’vod have his back.

a/n: apparently a sequel to “who’s my commander” was something ppl wanted, and i was all too eager to write something with my darling twenty-fifth boys. heads up, this is a dialogue-heavy piece. tagging @boba-thot, & @morganas-pendragons . please ask me abt my oc boys!! i have so many of them, i would love to share them with y’all!!!

“jort! ba! wait up!” the men in question slow down upon hearing their names being frantically shouted. if there was something bad happening that pertained to combat or one of the carnivorous felucian plants, they wouldn’t be the ones sought out. so they realized that it must be something of a personal nature and that allowed their heart rates to slow back down as they turned to identify the vod calling for them.

naturally was in deep shit. he had made the poor decision to join a few members of the five-oh-first in a game of sabaac and now owed them ninety-one credits, which was more than he’s ever had at once. the credits he had now only added up to half of that and knew that if he didn’t think of something, he’d be stuck on sanitation to pay off his debt to the cog-headed man.

jort would not admit that his mood softened a little upon identifying the distressed man as naturally. ba, however, knew that the man beside him was indeed sympathetic (sometimes too much for his own good) and that jort was now planning his evening around the needs of the frantic kih’vod in front of them.

“naturally, what’s wrong?”

“i was playing sabaac with the five-oh-first and got in over my head! i owe jesse more credits than i’ve had since i left kamino and i-“

the rookie was almost trembling and that was it, the older troopers were done for. naturally was now officially under the protection of him and jort, jesse be damned.

a metaphorical lightbulb lit up over jort’s head. ba could see said lightbulb the way he always does when his batchmate has an idea. the lightbulb hasn’t been able to distinguish good ideas from bad ones yet, but there was hope for jort yet.

“ninety-one, you say?”

“yeah, ninety-one credits.”

“well nat’ika, i’ve got just the trick to help you out.”

the youngest was almost too busy preening at the term of endearment to realize that his ori’vod was indeed going to help him. ba helped snap him back to reality as jort found a stick, beginning his lesson in the felucian mud.

ba had to admit that this plan was not only kriffing insane, but extremely world-tilting if executed right. it was jedi-level insanity and he didn’t doubt for a second that his batchmate learned the trick from the general.

after running naturally through the trick two more times, he felt that his training was paying off. ba had made the point of jesse knowing if naturally was lying about the credits he had on him and they both nodded their agreement. the youngest pulled his credits from his pouch and counted out twenty-eight, dropping the rest of them into ba’s hand.

jort takes this as a cue to continue. “now remember, you have to let him work some of it out himself towards the end. if you did it right from the start, he’ll be thinkin’ like you the longer it goes on and he’ll fall right into your trap.” naturally is soaking in the information like a sanitation duty sponge, part of him still reeling from the fact he’s being given such attention by a superior.

“does this trick help you a lot?”

jort smiles at the question. “only when the total i’m weaseling out of is ninety-one.”

ba rolls his eyes and butts in, “you say that as if you don’t try your damndest to make the total ninety-one as much as possible.” jort playfully scoffs at the insinuation as ba turns to naturally and grins like a loth-cat, enjoying the laugh he earns almost a tad too much.

this kid was making him soft.

to be truthful, ba would have taken the rookie under his wing the same as jort was currently doing if given the chance to do so in his own time. they’ve discussed as much with fortune, who led oracle company, about snagging a company transfer for the bright-eyed brother. fortune was on board with the idea because he saw how the newer medic worked, the way vode lost the panic in their eyes while being treated by him. it was a valuable trait to have as a medic and even more valuable to the men who fell under his care.

footsteps were heard around them and jort quickly went to mess up the numbers written in the mud. he didn’t want his information being spread where he didn’t want it, and judging by the look on his vod’ika’s face, the man approaching was indeed jesse.

“you think you can do it?”

“i know i can.”

“good man! find me when you’re done!”

ba and jort departed as jesse neared, and naturally was on his own.

“hey, naturally! you owe me for that game!”

naturally moved a hand to his pouch and made a show of getting every credit out. he let them clink together in the outstretched palm of the man in blue. “here’s twenty-eight credits, i’ll see you later-“

“alright, i- wait just a minute! there were seven rounds, and you bet thirteen each time. that’s way more than a measly twenty-eight!”

“that comes out to twenty-eight, vod.”

jesse’s wondering whether this guy’s tube was cracked. this rookie medic owes him ninety-one credits! on what planet does thirteen times seven equal twenty-eight? “did you get dropped on your head as a cadet?”

naturally suppressed a grin. “not that i can recall.”

“do you mean to tell me that you can prove that thirteen times seven is twenty-eight?”

“it’s gotta be, i owe you twenty-right credits.”

“tell you what: if you can prove it, you can keep the credits. if you can’t, you’ll owe me double.”

naturally stiffens a little at the prospect of having to owe one hundred and eighty-two credits to the cogged man who doesn’t seem to be the type to forget things like this. but he has faith in himself and the trick jort taught him, so he agrees to the deal and grabs the stick from earlier and begins the trick.

“seven into twenty-eight’s gonna come out to thirteen, watch.”

naturally draws a large seven in the dirt, followed by a significantly smaller twenty-eight separated by a slash, then another slash on the other side of the twenty-eight.

“can seven go into two?”

“no it will not.”

“that’s a giant seven to fit into that little bitty two.”

“... yes it is.”

“but we’re not gonna hurt the little two, so i want you to hold onto it for me.”

naturally “grabbed” the two from where he drew it in the dirt and “placed” it into jesse’s outstretched palm. that was simple enough so far, but there was still so much farther he had to go before getting out of this mess.

jesse was going with it only because he wanted his credits. that’s the only reason he was entertaining the bullshit of this rookie medic.

“can seven go into eight?”

“once.”

“right, so i’m gonna put the one over here,” naturally drew a one next to the second slash.

“now we’re gonna carry the seven, because it’s a big seven and it’s getting kinda heavy, and we’re gonna drop it down here below the eight.” as naturally speaks, jesse nods and follows along intently. “and seven from eight is?”

“one.” come on, jesse thought, i’m not that kriffin’ stupid.

“alright, now you’ve had that two long enough, give it here.” naturally holds his hand out for jesse to give him the two, and the older trooper isn’t sure as to why he’s playing into the little game this rookie’s got going but he “drops” the two into his palm nonetheless.

“you see that twenty-one? how many times can seven go into it?”

“three times.”

“so the three goes over here,” naturally continues as he draws a three into the dirt next to the one, “and look at that, thirteen.”

sure enough, there was now a thirteen drawn into the dirt next to the twenty-eight. jesse didn’t completely believe what he was looking at, much less the fact it made sense! he had to get more evidence, surely this wasn’t right.

“nah man, you’ve gotta prove it better than that if you expect me to believe that your math checks out.”

“alright, certainly.”

“you gotta multiply it.”

apparently there was still more to say and write if he wanted to save his head from being mounted on a five-oh-first bunk. thank the maker for jort’s extensive explanation or else naturally would have been screwed.

so he smeared away the numbers with a gloved hand, not bothering to care as to how it dirtied the leather, and continued on.

“let’s see here,” naturally mumbles to himself as he begins to draw in the dirt once again, tongue poking out between his teeth. a thirteen is now in the dirt with a seven below it, with a line under the seven. “okay. so we’ve got thirteen times seven. three times seven is?”

“twenty-one.”

“exactly, so we bring a twenty-one down. now one times seven is…”

“seven.”

naturally hums in agreement as he draws a seven below the one in twenty-one. “now twenty-one plus seven is-“

“twenty-eight.” jesse seems to be contemplating the lesson very hard, putting it side by side with everything he had been taught prior to then. it looked like it made sense, and his brain said it made sense, but to make him feel better he had to check it one more time.

“but now we gotta add it, just to be sure.”

“of course.”

this is where naturally sees if his hard work paid off, if jort’s lessons paid off. if he did his part good enough, then jesse would follow along and this would be easy peasy. most importantly though, he wouldn’t be bucket deep in debt to the trooper next to him.

smearing the mud one last time, he began to give jesse the final piece of the puzzle. “i’m gonna our down seven thirteens and add ‘em from there, alright?”

“alright.”

he puts the numbers down, one above another, and draws a line below the last. taking his stick, he begins to count by threes when the other man cuts him off halfway through. “no no no, let me do it this time!”

jesse starts to count by threes and ends on twenty-one, like he should, but also jort was sure to tell him that if he didn’t take over now that the plan was doomed to fail.

so in an effort to save his plan, naturally began pointing to the ones with his stick as he counted, “twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight!”

he spoke the numbers with confidence as he wrote the twenty-eight into the dirt, turning to give a dignified smirk to the cornflower painted trooper next to him.

jesse looked so lost and had no idea as to why this made a lick of sense, but had to concede that the young medic was right. to answer his earlier question, felucia is a planet where thirteen times seven is twenty-eight.

with a grin naturally collected the credits that had still been clutched in the other’s hand, stepping on the numbers casually enough to not raise suspicion as to why he was stepping on them. he was saved from a terrible fate and got to keep his money; it was a good night for naturally.

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fleurdulys · 7 years

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Can you talk more about the reasons you ship Jamie and Brienne and not Jamie and Cersei?

Yes!!! I love this ask!!!

So first of all you have to understand what’s shipping for me. Shipping for me is either wanting two characters to get together or, if they are already together, wanting to watch them grow, challenge each other, solving their problems with empathy and communication. I don’t like unhealthy ships or ships that don’t even have the potential to be healthy because i feel this is wasting my time, i love love (and i have very strong opinions about what love is and what love isn’t), I don’t love seeing characters i like being into relationships that stunt them emotionally or mentally.

Under a read more because I have a lot of feelings and I might not be very coherent:

With that being said, ever since ASOS I’ve read Jaime and Cersei as the dissolving of a relationship, not as some epic romance that’s gonna end triumphally in murder-suicide. Why? because the books do a poor job of portraying them as an epic romance and the quotes that jxc fans keep using in order to prove that are the same 3 quotes about mirrors and how they’re each other’s halves and they’re usually quotes directly from Cersei. Who, i don’t know if anyone’s noticed, is paranoid, delusional and a very unreliable narrator. She believes she loves Jaime but I seriously doubt it as in my opinion she only thinks of him as an extension of herself and her will. The only times they are portrayed having sex are firstly when Jaime throws Bran out the window and secondly, in front of their dead’s son corpse. Speaking of that…both times initiated by Jaime and both times with some arguing on Cersei’s part. (the second time being actually disturbing because she kept repeating no and she also tried to physically fought him before just giving in…creepy but this what you get when a white male’s writing a ‘consensual’ sex scene) When Cersei is saying that the only time she’s enjoyed sex was with Jaime I truly believe Cersei is saying she’s not enjoying sex at all but because Jaime’s the closest person to her she makes herself believe that because it’s in line with the narrative that Cersei’s building about herself and her family. Which, is another interesting fact, comes a lot more in Cersei’s chapters, internal monologues and dialogue, the fact that they’re twins. I feel like Cersei herself is fetishizing the incest because of the time spent in King’s Landing as a young teenager where she learned about the Targaryens and that, in connection to her desire of having power and being queen and combined with the fact that she was away from her twin , probably led her to romanticizing sleeping with her brother. But there’s no evidence in canon that she slept with Jaime before they were both 15 and she came to him at an inn, dressed as a peasant woman and she did that with a goal in mind …to persuade Jaime into joining the Kingsguard, no ‘omg this is totally the greatest story ever and they’re destined to be together’ but more like ‘this is a codependent toxic relationship that’s turning sexual as a manipulation’. I mean there’s an instance in Jaime’s pov when he mentions they were very close as kids and they used to sleep together and that their mother caught them doing something weird but i doubt they were doing salacious things on purpose. Kids do experiment at young ages but they don’t give sexual meanings necessarily to their games. So anyway, my point is that we’re never given any true intimacy between Jaime and Cersei in the books. We’re given some insight into how their sexual affair began and the other two times they have sex…is awkward at the very least. If not downright creepy and disturbing. Jaime thinks the most tenderly of his sister when he’s away from her because he was taken prisoner and when they’re brought back together they mostly fight and Cersei tries to use sex to make Jaime kill Tyrion?! I’m sorry but i just don’t see the chemistry or the love there. Like i truly believe (and canon will probably show if the gods are just) that by having this affair that literally set the whole realm on fire they also kinda set their actual twin bond on fire as well. And like I said. I’m not the type of person who ships destructive couples.

Why do I ship jaime and brienne?

Because I truly believe GRRM put them in the book especially for me to ship them. Jaime’s povs are funny and sarcastic and also laced with denial if you pay close attention and his descriptions of Brienne are that of a man who’s never spent too much time in the company of women (other than his sister) and who doesn’t really know what to make of his new… companion. Anyway, his jabs at her stature, body type, humour, honour are those of a highschool boy who’s never had a crush before. Never in the history of platonic friendships has a friend looked at another friend’s eyes to say ‘yeah they do have astonishing eyes’. Like this just doesn’t happen, whether it’s reality or fiction. I mean, even though I do tend to apply real life logic to relationships (because i just don’t have patience for destructive relationships especially when people wanna portray them as super romantic) it would be good to remember that these books are written by a human being, these events don’t just happen organically. Jaime didn’t get a boner when in bath with Brienne just because BONERS HAPPEN because that boner could’ve happened before or after when he was alone. And for his confession Jaime didn’t need to be naked in a bath with Brienne, he could’ve confessed that to her any other time. Another thing that’s very important to remember is that Jaime, who some people claim that he’s attracted to Cersei only, has a dream in which both he and Brienne are naked and Cersei is fully clothed? I mean… I did mention that things don’t happen in books out of nowhere, GRRM is putting them there for a reason. That plus his admission of saying that Jaime and Brienne are a take on Beauty and the Beast (we all know what a platonic story that is) makes me think that he must really really want me to see something between these two. And I do, I’m sorry for the people who think Jaime isn’t on a path to redemption because GRRM himself said that with Jaime he wanted to tackle redemption and what it means and if it can be achieved because they like to call it an ‘identity crisis’. I mean call it a puff pastry cabbage quest for all i care, an identity crisis or trauma are just things that might lead some people to redemption and drive other people insane (see Cersei). Also people tend to forget that redemption isn’t being forgiven by everyone else but becoming better than you were yesterday. Why did I mention Jaime’s redemption? Because people think that saying the meeting with Brienne made him a better man is sexist. But the thing is Brienne isn’t putting in any effort to make Jaime a better man, Jaime meets her and he remembers all the ideals that he’s forgotten or chose to forget ever since Aerys. She basically reminds him of a younger, more innocent Jaime before he was exposed to all the horrors of the world. So just by being in her presence Jaime becomes a better man and I dare say, Brienne also becomes a tad less judgemental in viewing the world. So…they challenge each other. They make each other better. They shared one wonderful moment of intimacy that, for me, was one of the best written scenes in the books. They constantly think about each other (and yes Jaime also thinks about Cersei…but in ADWD he doesn’t think ‘ohh i can’t wait to get to cersei, he’s more like ‘oh i have to go back to king’s landing and i’m gonna have to see cersei too, i guess. if she’s not dead’) and even though they’re still in denial (because how could they not be? Jaime doesn’t know how it feels to fall in love, he’s never fallen in love before, Cersei was always there and he always lived with the delusion that he KNOWS her. Brienne is a young girl who’s been mocked all her life for her looks, falling in love with one of the most handsome men in Westeros is just not smth she would have an easy time admitting to herself) their feelings for each other are right there, it’s not even subtle because GRRM doesn’t do subtle.

So yeah, Jaime and Brienne check all my boxes for couple that has the potential to be healthy and happy. I mean yeah, I know this story doesn’t have happy endings and they’re probably gonna die but that doesn’t mean i can’t enjoy the story of two very different people who inspire, respect and support each other and yes, FALL IN LOVE with each other despite previous arrangements and prophecies and despite the fact that Brienne is ugly and doesn’t suffer a complete and utter transformation a la highschool fantasy when she removes her glasses and releases her ponytail.

PS: I do believe Jaime cares about Cersei in a deeper way than she cares about him but it’s still very unhealthy and obsessive and not the way I personally define love. i don’t deny his connection to cersei in any way because that’s a huge part of what makes him jaime and i love jaime good and bad but i laugh in the face of people who say that ‘jaime can only love cersei’ because the level of delusion is just….wow

#anon anon #replies #jaime x brienne

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nellpire · 7 years

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[0701xx] Nell - Ceci 2007 January issue interview (translation)

Q: You've gone through various changes as you released this album. First of all, the biggest change seems to be that there's a married man among you now! I heard Jaewon has became a father? Jaewon: Yes. (with an indifferent expression) It was a shotgun wedding, so our daughter is already one.

Q: (flustered) Ah, yes. What do the members think have changed since Jaewon got married? Junghoon: The fact that the four of us can't stay up all night drinking anymore. Because he has to go home the moment his wife calls. Jongwan: (suddenly) I think he's pitiful. In my opinion you shouldn't get married to someone you love. The moment you two get married, all of a sudden lots of things like restraint, responsibility and a household that pays no heed to your emotions starts getting involved. I want to live my life with someone without getting married and just let our love grow properly.

Q: Another change is that you left Seo Taiji company for Woollim Entertainment. Some people are critical of that decision. Jaewon: Like many other singers we just changed labels when the contract period was up. It was no more and no less than that. The purpose of their company is to bring indie bands into the spotlight, you know. Now both Taiji hyung and ourselves think it's time for us to stand on our own feet, is all.

Q: Didn't the circumstances surrounding your production change when you switched labels? Jaekyung: When we were in Seo Taiji company we could pick a studio and environment as we pleased without the company interfering. And we made this album too in the same way we always have. There was no physical change other than how the members each own a few more instruments now.

Q: What do you think is the biggest difference between your previous albums and your fifth? Junghoon: The fact that we tried lots of new things. We tried things like string music and electronical sounds and I think it mixed well with our music and gave it a distinct characteristic. Jaekyung: We always used to record as a four man band. As Junghoon said, for this album the scale got bigger while we didn't lose our own touch. It feels like an extension of our previous work. Jongwan: I don't want to compare it musically to our previous albums. On a personal note, my attitude to working was the biggest change. Of course we always work hard on songwriting, but I think I developed a more mature side this time around. Should I say I realized why I make music?

Q: If you were to share a little of that realization? Jongwan: I think happiness is not a possibility without music. A lot of bad things happened in my personal life between the fourth and fifth album. It got to the point where there was not a single thing I wanted to do, not even sex. But I wanted to make music. I realized it's the one and only thing I want to do.

Q: This album is very subjective, and you're speaking about your personal feelings and emotions. So there are many songs that make people feel like they must be written from your own personal experiences. Jongwan: I usually speak through songs to say the things I can't say to anyone, not even my closest friends or family. Most of the lyrics take off from memos I make in my daily life, like excerpts from a diary. Other people set out to write lyrics, but I don't know how to do that. So it has to be from my personal experiences. Making lyrics out of the things I find the hardest to talk about so that even more people find out about it is a contradiction, in a sense. But I have a desire to express, to scream out all the stories that are stacked in my heart for other people to hear. Rather than being embarrassed when people find out the things I've kept so securely guarded, I feel it's a good thing if someone out there who has a hard time can be comforted by knowing that others feel the same.

Q: I was curious to know if, since you make deeply emotional music, you react in a more sensitive manner than other people who go through the same things as you. (all nod) Junghoon: There are times when I'm like that and times when I'm not. If there's something I'm more sensitive to than others, then loneliness? There are times when I'm with the members or my family but all of a sudden I feel like I'm all alone, and I think I'm more sensitive than necessary in those times. Jaekyung: I'm sensitive to fantasies. I have a bad habit of becoming completely engrossed in images from time to time. For example, there's an image in my head for when someone walks past me and I can smell their perfume, and I get lost in the feeling that follows. And when we play music, I have to do it with that feeling. It all feels dull to me if I don't. Living like that makes me distant from reality. Jongwan: I think my personality in itself is sensitive to suspicion, lies and hope. If I'm happy, I should enjoy that, but instead I get suspicious of whether or not this is really happiness. Is the person who makes me this happy really honest with me, how hard will it be when this happiness ends, these kinds of thoughts come to mind instinctively. Everything works in a pattern like that for me. Women, my relationship with my parents, even my work. But when I start hoping for something, then I live on because of that.

Q: Nell is a band with a huge fanbase. What do you feel is a common denominator for the people who like you? Jaekyung: There are fans who have watched over us unchangingly for ten years. And there are many times I've been happy thanks to them. But we never sit down and talk to them. We always see each other from a distance. It's funny but we always say 'It's hard being a Nell fan'. Jongwan: They're people who feel similar things to what we do, is a good way of putting it, I feel. If we fill a song with anger and sing it to them, then they hear anger rather than jealousy or complaints. People like that.

Q: You've often said in interviews that music heals you. This album title is even 'Healing Process'. Junghoon: Even if it wasn't to the point of being autistic, I was a very unsociable child before I met the others and started making music. I had almost no experience of hanging out with friends, always alone at home. Since we started making music I've become a person who laughs a lot, someone who's animated and active. Jongwan: I don't think healing means simply becoming brighter. You know, you can endure sadness and depression if there's a meaning to it. Meaninglessness is what's truly torturous. Finding meaning in a meaningless life, that's how I think music has healed me. Jaekyung: I have thought about whether or not I'd be able to work in another field if I didn't get into music. I think I would have gone completely insane. And I think my ability to express myself has gotten richer through music.

Q: Please tell us about a song that has comforted you a lot throughout your life. Jongwan: Coldplay's Fix You. The lyrics really hit home and makes you realize you can live the way (the lyrics describe). Jaekyung: The new age musician Enya's Watermark. Once the song ends, you're done with living while waiting for your current emotions to disappear. Junghoon: Lee Munse's As Time Goes By. I want to live in the way those lyrics tell me to. Jaewon: The rock band Pearl Jam's first album. Until my second year of middle school, I only listened to light music with no thoughts. They're the band that made me serious about music.

Q: The words 'lyrical' and 'depressing' always appear in Nell interviews, right? Do you dislike that fact? Jaekyung: They are somewhat correct, but I do feel a bit trapped in those words. Jongwan: They're easy words to use. We don't exactly hate the words; we're just frustrated when people don't even try to take us seriously and throw those words around.

Q: Then please tell us some words you wish would appear in your interviews in the future. Jongwan: I really wish to hear cursing for once. ‘Crazy bastards, Nell!’ Ah, now that I said it, it seems a bit too perverted. 'Please curse'. Like a true sadist.. haha.

Q: What do the other members have that you're jealous of? Jongwan: Jaekyung's 188cm height. Junghoon's personality that makes him kind only to women. Jaewon's face? Although, since he's married even his face isn’t what it used to be. Haha. Jaewon: Jaekyung's height. Junghoon's sense of style. Jongwan's sensible personality. Junghoon: Jaekyung's height and silhouette. Jongwan's ability to make you focus on what he's saying, no matter what he’s talking about. I'm jealous of his absorptive power, and Jaewon's ability to not look stupid no matter what jokes he plays. I'm the style to always look stupid, you see. Jaekyung: Jaewon's optimistic side. Jongwan's delicate side. Junghoon's knowledge of the art of living.

Q; Please give us three words each to give us a clue to who you are. All: Three? It's okay if we turn them in next time we meet, right? Haha. (after a very long time of contemplating...) Jongwan: Alcohol, cigarettes, sex. The fundamental things that give me honest comfort. I've never once thought of quitting either of them. Junghoon: Women, women, women. Oh! Now that I say it it makes me think of Seol Undo sunbaenim (t/n: Seol Undo has a song called women women women). Haha. Women are the most important existence in the world. It holds the meaning of love, relationships and several other things all in one. Jaewon: Nell, drums, married man. Those are the most precious things to me right now. All: Hey~ you're being too exemplary~. Jaekyung: For me, idealism. Hedonism... What other similar words are there? Ah! Illusionism? Haha. (Stretches out his hand with his palm facing forward like a certain idol group) We're the illusionists!

Feel free to use, but please credit Nellpire.

#nell #ceci #interview #translation #jongwan #jaekyung #junghoon #jaewon #healing process

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thetriplesnake · 7 years

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Ἀκέφαλος - A Headless Rite Experience

Ok, take this with a grain of salt. Writing about a magical experience can seem like insanity. I have reread my magic diary notes, tried to gather my thoughts and form some type of thesis.

Backstory Over a year ago my life had become rather chaotic, frustrating and uncertain. Family and work life had drastically changed and no conventional ideas seemed to improve matters. At my wits end I began looking for "magical" solutions to break out of the rut. I don't remember exactly how but I came across Gordon White's Rune Soup blog. This discovery thrust me back into something I had spent the last decade trying to ignore and that was practical magic. Feeling very curious I purchased The Chaos Protocols by Gordon and was inspired to give the Headless Rite a go. However please note, my ritual is not as prescribed by Gordon, I'll explain why later.

Ritual It was performed during the day on a Sunday on the planetary hour of the Sun in my backyard. The choice of day was not in my control, as it was the only day I could have my place to myself. But I did choose to perform it in the hour of the Sun to take advantage of the various Sun correspondences.

I began with a meditation to relax and enter a light trance state. I lit white candles located at the four directions as well as frankincense resin. Cast a circle by walking incense around a central altar (it's just a small table). Read out barbarous names printed on paper, held to my left and right temples facing North. Then facing West towards Orion (who was below the horizon at the time) I read out the Headless Rite. I'm Greek Australian, so I read the rite in the Ancient Greek and not the translation. I don't think the language used matters as long as the barbarous names are unchanged (that's possibly where some of the magic is). I then activated some sigils using Gordon's method of staring at sigils until they flash/fade and go back to normal. Then more meditation to cleared my mind. I ended the ritual and banished by clapping my hands and laughing. Tidied up the backyard.

Considerations and observations Gordon suggests combining an invocation to the Demon Kings. I didn't, mainly out of fear to be honest. Calling a demon back then felt sacrilegious and conflicted with my Greek Orthodox upbringing. It technically still does, but I've subsequently expanded my beliefs/views... not very Orthodox any more.

I don't feel that the Demon Kings are demons anyway, well not in the biblical fallen angel style. I now view them as very significant spirits who represent/influence the cardinal directions, similarly to the Ancient Greek Anemoi (winds) and the Chinese Heavenly Kings. They are not a part of the Headless Rite, so their omission didn't break anything.

The incense that was happily puffing smoke did flare up doing the ceremony, which did get the heart racing. The self lighting charcoals can do this which is normal. However I do find it amusing that it tends to happen as an accent or during the climax of a ritual.

I do remember feeling very invigorated once I completed the entire ritual. I didn't think it was successful, but I felt good. Then the fun started.

As crazy as it sounds I believe that performing the Rite opened me up to contact from the spirit world. The contact I received however was not what I expected, surprise surprise. My dreams three days later felt very, very real. I can lucid dream, but the feeling was far more intense. The first dream was a blend of nightmare and lesson. I won't describe the entire dream, but basically I was given a lesson, I can either continue wasting life/vitality/energy by being sucked into base desires or I could channel my vitality/energy into meaningful magic. This choice was emphasised by two menacing black hounds with glowing green eyes giving me very threatening looks and growls. Oddly I felt a compulsion to give thanks for the dream after I woke up.

The hounds returned on two more nights. But on the last night within the dream, after I crossed a large canyon the angry black hound split into two dogs. One old, calm and friendly, the other young and active. I had worked through a few personal things so I felt the hounds were happy with me.

"So what, you dreamt of dogs?", I hear you say. Well yes, but I'm trying to change my life and rediscover magic by performing an "exorcism" possibly written in the 2nd century BC, calling upon Egyptian Gods. No point in rejecting experiences because they sound trivial now.

Conclusions To me the Rite when spoken in Greek has the same mouthfeel as prayers to God I could say in church. I kinda think it is, as it even mentions an "Angel of God". Please note that I'm definitely not suggesting that the Headless Rite is a Christian prayer, far from it. Calling upon a Headless daemon (Akephalos), Osiris, Set, Bes and others would make a Church Father have apoplexy. I'm talking about the feeling.

I do think this Angel made contact with me and the hounds represent... her. Yep, I think the angel was female. Why do I think this? Well I've researched the words in the Headless Rite and symbolism in my dreams. The Headless Rite is included in the Greek Magical Papyri, other "spells/rituals" in the PGM include many of the same deities and barbarous names. A certain female deity is featured quite extensively in the PGM. One of the epithets she has is "Angelos" or Angel of God, so there's the connection. This Angelos is also more typically known as the Goddess of Magic Hekate. Her heralds are "black hounds".

That's when the penny dropped. I got the result I needed but not what I expected. I had not considered Hekate in any way prior to these dreams. It also explains a series of events I experienced as a young child and many other bizarre correspondences throughout my life.

What's interesting is that it has unlocked the PGM and how I perceive magic. Whether it's Greco-Egyptian, Solomonic, Cyprianic ( another rabbit hole right there), Chaos or Eastern magic I know that it's actually real. The spirit world is real, divinity is real and the universe is not just a mistake of randomness explained only in materialist ways.

So call the loony bin, we've got a real nutter here. Life will never be the same again. Here is a recording of the Headless Rite spoken in Ancient Greek.

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andrewdburton · 4 years

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I am the one thing in life I can control

Three weeks ago, I drove from Portland to Colorado Springs to participate in Camp FI, a weekend retreat for people interested in financial independence and early retirement.

Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't drive this distance. It's a 1300-mile trip that takes at least twenty hours to cover. Or, if you're me, it's a 1400-mile trip that takes 23 hours of driving spread over two days.

But, in case you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of a global pandemic, and although I'm not nearly as cautious as many of my friends, I don't relish the idea of confining myself to close quarters with dozens of strangers for hours on end in an airplane. Besides, I like to drive. And I love the beauty of the American west. And I needed some time alone to think deep thoughts — and to listen to the Hamilton soundtrack over and over and over again.

Around noon on Day Two, as I exited I-80 in south-central Wyoming, I was listening to Hamilton for the fourth time in 24 hours when I was smacked in the brain by a lyric I hadn't heard before. I pulled off the side of the road to think about it — and to make some notes.

Wait for It

For those few who are unfamiliar, Hamilton is a hip-hop musical that tells the story of founding father Alexander Hamilton and his contentious relationship with, well, everyone — especially Aaron Burr. Burr is the nominal antagonist of the show (although, truly, he is no villain), Hamilton's most prominent frenemy. Burr is also a complex character.

Alexander's biggest beef with Aaron is that his rival seems wishy-washy, as if he has no moral compass. (“If you stand for nothing, Burr, what'll you fall for?” Hamilton asks early on. It's a question he asks repeatedly throughout the show.) To Burr, though, this chameleon-like nature isn't a character flaw. It's a survival mechanism. It's a strength. He's adaptable and patient; he believes Hamilton is too loud and too reckless.

Each major character in Hamilton gets a song to define who and what they are. Burr's song, “Wait for It”, comes in the middle of the first act.

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Burr sings:

Life doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes, and we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes. And if there's a reason I'm still alive when so many have died, then I'm willing to wait for it.

And then Burr says: “I am the one thing in life I can control.” I'd never actually heard that line before. But there, in the middle of the rolling Wyoming hills, the lyric hit me like a ton of bricks.

This is a powerful line in the context of Hamilton, sure, but for me personally, it's something close to a guiding principle. I've written extensively about the power (and necessity) of being self-directed. It's one of the primary themes of this website.

But here's the thing: As important as this notion is to me, I sometimes lose sight of it. This is particularly true when my struggles with mental health become severe, when the depression and anxiety threaten to pull me under. In these moments, I forget about personal agency and locus of control and related ideas. When I'm in the throes of depression, everything is overwhelming (even the simple stuff), and it feels like I'm in control of nothing.

A Very Strange Year

This has been a strange year. I know, I know. Everybody's saying it. But it's true! And while we, as a society, are “enjoying” this crazy year together, my own personal 2020 has had its own special flavor of weirdness.

As you'll recall, 2019 sucked for me. Objectively, my life was great, and I could see that. But subjectively, I was miserable. My life-long depression reached some sort of crescendo and was made especially spicy thanks to some new, unwelcome generalized anxiety. Mental health issues stopped me in my tracks last year.

After several months working with a therapist, I made some progress. In January of this year, I took a break from alcohol and began waking at 4:00 or 4:30. It took a couple of weeks to adjust to this new routine, but by mid-January I felt great and was enjoying my greatest productivity in years. Yay!

As our country (and the world) descended into chaos in March, April, and May, I still felt great. I was insanely productive, both for business projects (such as creating my upcoming FIRE course for Audible) and household projects (such as landscaping the back yard). I was flying high. There was a stark contrast between the overall mood of the world around me and my personal mood. I almost felt guilty. (It's an odd thing when you're doing well individually while so many other people are suffering. I'm not sure I like it.)

Then, in mid-June, things went haywire. Slowly at first — then all at once — my depression and anxiety roared back with full force. I found myself paralyzed by fear once more. Blarg! Was I drinking too much beer? Taking on too much work? Overwhelmed by current events? Flustered by chaos here on the homestead? (Our fence fell down. The hot tub broke. The fridge is dying. The sewer line is clogged. And so on.) Whatever the cause, I'd reached a dark place by the end of June.

It felt like my life was out of control. Like Alexander Hamilton, I felt like I was stuck inside a hurricane.

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Fortunately, I recognized the problem quickly. And that moment in Wyoming — hearing Burr sing “I am the one thing in life I can control” — was key, a wake-up call. It reminded me of my philosophy. I realized that I was focusing too much on my “circle of concern” rather than my “circle of control”.

I fought back.

During July, I took several steps to combat my depression. Among others:

I stopped drinking alcohol. I had my last drinks on Independence Day. My goal is to go one year without the stuff. No, I'm not being 100% strict. If I find myself in a social situation where it's better to drink than to make a fuss, I'll drink. But not much. And these situations should be rare indeed. (I've had one such occasion since Independence Day.)

I called my doctor to ask about medication. While I'm not opposed to meds, I generally don't like them for myself. I don't like the side effects. Plus, I have this stupid idea that I shouldn't need them. Well, in reality I do need them, that much is clear. So, we're playing with things to see what works.

I uninstalled my stupid videogame. (Again.) If you're a long-time reader, you know that computer games are my kryptonite. And in small doses, there's nothing wrong with gaming. It can be a great way to relax! But when I'm in one of my funks, gaming becomes an escape, a way for me to avoid reality. Until I'm moving forward under my own steam again, it's best that I simply avoid the temptation entirely.

I shifted physical fitness to my top priority. Like it or not, my body image has a profound effect on my overall self image. I wish this weren't the case, but it's true. Plus, eating right and exercising is conducive to long life and an effective way to fight depression. So, with help from my buddy Jonathan at Choose FI, I'm embarking on a six-month quest to lose thirty pounds. (I'll write more about this soon.)

In short, I stopped allowing myself to be a victim of external forces and started exercising agency. I am the one thing in life I can control. I need to exercise that control in whatever ways I can. It's the only way out of the pit of despair.

It's far too early to say how much these changes (and others I'm making) will help me, but I'm confident that things will improve in short order. They already have to some degree. I mean, the first thing I wanted to do this morning was write an article for Get Rich Slowly! (And I have a list of other things to write about too.)

Coming Out of the Dark

During my two weekends at Camp FI in Colorado Springs, I spoke about the true history of financial independence and early retirement. (These ideas have been around much longer than most people think.) My talk was rough, and I know it, but I hope to develop it into an interesting and useful presentation in years to come. And I hope to share a written version of this presentation here at Get Rich Slowly in the near future.

But for me, Camp FI is less about sharing what I know and more about connecting with like-minded friends and colleagues. I had a blast both weekends. I hung out with new friends and old.

I got to spend a bit of time with Michelle Jackson (who is one of my favorite people). Between weekends, I spent four nights in Mr. Money Mustache‘s basement. He and I hiked, swam in a creek, and had deep conversations on his delightful deck. I had lunch with Piggy from Bitches Get Riches (and met her chickens). I also had lunch with John from ESI Money. I got to know Mr. Refined from Refined by Fire. And so on.

By the final night of the second weekend, I was more relaxed than I have been in months. Maybe years. As I sat outside with the die-hards until the wee hours of the morning, telling stories and laughing, I felt alive. I felt myself. I felt as if I were in control of things once more.

My road trip helped me re-realize something else important about my depression and anxiety. My suffering is intensified when I spend too much time alone. I feel better about myself (and my fellow humans) when I interact with other people, whether friends or strangers. I genuinely like people. They're amazing. I need to do a much better job of seeking out human contact if I want to maintain my mental health!

If only we weren't in the midst of a global pandemic…

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/i-am-the-one-thing-in-life-i-can-control/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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writingcommons-blog1 · 7 years

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“Bathroom Revelations” by Marcus A.

Up until this point I lived my last three years of my life thinking I was going to become an engineer. Anyone you talked to, be it family, close friend, or a relative stranger that barely knew me would contest to this, almost as if they already looked ahead in the book of my life and excepted it. The scary thing is until recently I believed them too. But one day in February I ran to my office’s bathroom. I was shaking, gripping the white porcelain sink in and feeling my knuckles whiten as my stomach tightened as if it was trying to form a fist inside of me. I put so much weight on the sink it begins to flex showing that I could break it if I wasn’t careful. I looked into the mirror and said “I can’t have this be my life.”

I am no engineering genius by any stretch of the imagination. I got by pretty well in all math and science courses and excelled at technical shop based classes, but I always had this deep love of literature and story-telling. I seemed to keep this love an unknown love to everyone else. Others would simply just say “Yeah the kid is great at math and also dapples in writing and acting.” This way of thinking got me into advance learning classes, engineering programs, two internships, and a full-time job in the field of engineering/manufacturing. Yet I never felt like I was being myself in these environments. I was always guarded or just memorizing what I needed to know so I could get an A in the class. The sad thing is I don’t even remember what made me think of engineering in the first place.

I had never sat in front of the television while playing with my toys day dreaming of creating engines or power supply’s, yet my last four years of life were focused so heavily around it. No, when I was a child I would sit and watch hours of movies, being entrenched by their story. Whether it was Star Wars, On Golden Pond, Lord of the Rings, or The Godfather, I was blown away by the tales they would weave. I would read stacks and stacks of novels and comics as a boy being emerged into a whole new world created by words. Soon the reliefs I would get from these stories wouldn’t be enough, I would then create these long extensive stories based around an idea I would have using toys from all genres of action figures. Just imagine seeing a 10-year-old child playing with a Batman and He-Man toy and hearing him make a story based around how the use of He-Man’s sword was tearing a whole into Gotham City and causing mass destruction and how Batman was on a one-way vengeance trip because of one these rifts caused his fiancé to die. It would probably have taken you back to see a child deal with such a strange, complex, and detailed plot, but that’s what I did every time I had free time between homework, school, and filling my brains with stories.

Yet when it came to my junior year of high school I signed up for four engineering classes and got an internship, which then lead to another internship and then lead to a full time job as a Quality Assurance Technician. These things happened so fast and so effortlessly I felt as if I was on an amusement ride. I just stayed on the tracks and it lead me from one place to the next. I felt indifferent about the places this ride would take me on my “Career”.

I never would have dreamed I would work in Quality Assurance. I know what you’re thinking, “What the hell is Quality Assurance?” Well as my old manager would describe it “It’s the department that deals with failure 90% of the time.” Quality Assurance (QA) test new product for failures, new shipments for failures, and ensures the quality of the product being made by the corporation is of the highest. I experienced these core traits when working there but I write this essay in complete honesty so my main take away from that “Adult Job” were as followed: Small talk was 90% of the job, free food was the talk of the week, if someone got even the slightest laugh from an original joke that person would then beat that joke into the ground so hard that you would be surprised it didn’t crack the Inner core of the earth, also YouTube was your main ally.

This never bothered me till May of last summer I was listening to a podcast while at work. The podcast was Fat Man on Batman hosted by Kevin Smith (Film director/writer & Comic Writer), he was interviewing one of my favorite comic book writers Scott Snyder. While they talked Snyder brought up how he grew up his whole life loving writing and creating these stories. As he talked I really started to relate but once he talked about how he was about to go to The University of Iowa because of their writing program it caused my heart to stop. I dropped the radio I was programming and listened with my full attention. Hearing someone I looked at as a legend, someone who writes insanely interesting and mind bending comics said he wanted to go to a school so near to me. This made me see him not as a legend on a pedestal anymore. I saw him like myself. After hearing this, I saw writing professionally as a very real possibility suddenly. I saw how far I gotten in a career when I didn’t even have my heart in what I was doing and imagined what I could do if I actually betted on myself and put everything I have into something I have a passion for.

It wasn’t a good feeling and it wasn’t a bad feeling it was like finding a path after walking lost in a snowy forest for so long. I didn’t jump for joy though no, my body started to shake and I felt as if I was going to throw up. I was horrified imagining spending all my life in a career that I felt indifferent about. I understand how most of the world’s population needs jobs to support a family or a dependent but I don’t have any of those at this point in my life. The idea of selling my youngest crazy years to a company where I mostly watch YouTube videos and discuss the current show on TV caused me to feel an ice cold splash of “take action” adrenaline to hit my whole body. I ran to the restroom and gripped the white porcelain sink with my stomach in a fist and said “I can’t have this be my life.”

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andrewdburton · 4 years

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I am the one thing in life I can control

Three weeks ago, I drove from Portland to Colorado Springs to participate in Camp FI, a weekend retreat for people interested in financial independence and early retirement.

Wait for It

Each major character in Hamilton gets a song to define who and what they are. Burr's song, “Wait for It”, comes in the middle of the first act.

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Burr sings:

A Very Strange Year

It felt like my life was out of control. Like Alexander Hamilton, I felt like I was stuck inside a hurricane.

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I fought back.

During July, I took several steps to combat my depression. Among others:

Coming Out of the Dark

But for me, Camp FI is less about sharing what I know and more about connecting with like-minded friends and colleagues. I had a blast both weekends. I hung out with new friends and old.

If only we weren't in the midst of a global pandemic…

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/i-am-the-one-thing-in-life-i-can-control/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

0 notes