#(< said casually but my perfectionism is killing me)

[alichiraku]

Timeline - Iruka Umino

(I’ve just compiled information from various pre-existing timelines, so credits go to the Seelentau timeline and @keepyourpantsongohan​’s one!!)

I added events I thought relevant to Iruka’s story (whether because it impacted Konoha or Iruka personally). I calculated the ages by taking the Databook ages and correlating them with the first appearances in the manga which is why it sometimes differs from the other timelines (ex: Yugao is said to be 22 in the first Databook, but her birthday is on November 3rd, and her first apparition is during the Chūnin exams in July-August. Therefore, I consider her to have turned 22 the year before). 

I’ve checked this timeline a few times, but there may still be errors (or simplifications), so don’t hesitate to point them out and I’ll correct them!

Year 0 : Iruka is born (May 26).

Kohari and Ikkaku Umino are 34-35.

The Third Shinobi War begins. Around this year, Kushina (13-14) is kidnapped by shinobi from Kumo and rescued by Minato (13-14).

September 15 : Kakashi turns 5.

Kakashi becomes Genin.

Year 1 : 

May 26 : Iruka turns 1.

September 15 : Kakashi turns 6.

Kakashi becomes Chūnin.

Year 2 : 

May 26 : Iruka turns 2.

Sakumo Hatake (around 40) commits suicide.

Kakashi’s generation becomes Genin : Genma (10), Guy (7), Ebisu (10), Shizune (10), Asuma (9), Kurenai (9).

Year 5-6 :

Iruka Umino enters the Academy.

Sasuke enters the Academy at 5 and Itachi at 6. Given that war wages during Iruka’s childhood, I chose to make him enter around this age instead of later, but we have no way to confirm this.

Year 8 :

October 24 : Anko turns 10.

Anko becomes Genin.

Year 9 :

 The Third Shinobi World War ends on an armistice between Konoha and Iwa, Minato becomes Hokage.

Minato is 23, Kohari and Ikkaku are 43-44.

Year 9-10 : Births of the Rookie Nine. 

Year 10 : 

May 26 : Iruka turns 10.

October 10 : Naruto’s birth ; Kurama is freed by Obito and attacks Konoha ; death of Kohari (45) and Ikkaku (45), as well as Minato (24), Kushina (24), Biwako (55) and many others. 

Iruka’s experience of this night is depicted several times in both manga and anime, which explains the slight contradictions. The last version of the event in the manga is probably the most accurate.

Chapter 1 : Iruka is forcefully taken away from the battlefield by an unknown shinobi as he screams that his parents “are still fighting”, although it’s unclear whether he knows this for a fact or is simply in denial.

Rookie Instructor fillers : Kohari wears the traditional Konoha uniform instead of the later grey ANBU-like one (it may be attributed to Iruka’s faulty memory of the event). Iruka is sheltered with other children away from the battlefield but is implied to have escaped when he learns that the squad where his parents were fighting has been decimated. This is the last flashback we have of the event and the anime seems to imply Iruka didn’t get to see his parents again.

Chapter 503 : Kohari wears a grey uniform. She’s already on the brink of death as Ikkaku orders Iruka to flee the battlefield. Similarly to Chapter 1, Iruka is then forcefully taken away despite his protests.

The anime later faithfully animated this scene and its chronology.

October 24 : Anko turns 12.

Anko becomes Chūnin.

The Academy having been destroyed in the Kurama attack, the learning conditions of this year’s students are unclear

Year 11 :

During this year : death of Might Duy (35) protecting Guy (15), Genma (17) and Ebisu (17).

Flashbacks of Iruka joking around to amuse his comrades.

May 26 : Iruka turns 11.

June 9 : Itachi turns 7.

Itachi becomes Genin.

Around this time, flashback with Hiruzen in front of the tombstone. Hiruzen says “It’s been a year” in the English version (indicating this is after the anniversary of the attack) but “It will be a year soon” in the French version (putting the scene before the anniversary). 

November 2nd : Hayate turns 12.

Hayate becomes a Genin (ID 011671)

Iruka becomes a Genin (ID 011850).

November 3rd : Yūgao turns 11.

Possibly in the same promotion [ Ninja ID indicates that they graduated after Iruka ] : Yoroi Akado (11), Iwashi (11), Izumo (12), Kotetsu (13) 

Possibly in the same promotion [ No ninja ID, but same age as Iruka ] : Santa Yamanaka, Maen Nara, Iroha Hyūga

Year 12 :

November 2nd : Hayate turns 13.

Hayate becomes Chūnin.

Year 14 :

February 29 : Kabuto turns 10.

Kabuto becomes Genin (ID 012140).

Yugao (13 or 14) becomes Genin (ID 012161).

June 9 : Itachi turns 10.

Itachi becomes Chūnin.

Year 16 : 

April : Sasuke (5) enters the Academy, Itachi (10) becomes ANBU.

May 26 : Iruka turns 16.

Iruka becomes Chūnin. 

July 23rd : Sasuke turns 6.

October 10 : Naruto turns 6.

Year 16-20 :  Iruka (16-20) becomes a teacher at the Academy (in this post, I tried to pinpoint at what age Iruka might have become a teacher).

Year 18 :

 Itachi (13) and Obito (22-23) massacre the Uchiha clan.

Sasuke is 7, Mikoto is 35, Fugaku is 40.

The event happens between the 9th of June (Itachi’s 13th birthday) and the 23rd of July (Sasuke’s 8th birthday).

Academy days : Iruka teaches Naruto, Shikamaru, Chōji and Kiba the leaf exercice ; flashback of the Academy fight between Naruto and Sasuke 

Year 22 :

May 26 : Iruka turns 22. 

Year 23 :

Naruto Part I begins. 

January 1st : Guy turns 26.

January : events of the first chapters. Naruto (12) discovers he is the host of Kyūbi during the incident with Mizuki (27).

May 26 : Iruka turns 23.

June 11th : Kurenai turns 27.

June 24 : Hiruzen announces the upcoming Chūnin exams. All 3 rookie jōnin-sensei enter their students despite Iruka’s protests. 

The Chūnin exams begin on the 1st of July and end on the 1st of August. Orochimaru attacks Konoha.

August 3rd : Funeral for the Third Hokage

Following the destruction of Konoha, every shinobi (including teachers) has to get back in the field and take missions again.

Unclear for how long: in the third Databook, Iruka has completed 3 additional D-rank, 5 C-rank and 16 B-rank missions before being back at the Academy.

End of the year : Naruto and Sasuke fight at the Valley of the End, Sasuke leaves Konoha to join Orochimaru, Naruto leaves with Jiraiya.

Year 25 : The Konoha 11 become Chūnin.

Year 26 :

Naruto (15) and Jiraiya come back to Konoha.

May 26 : Iruka turns 26.

Year 27 :

Pain attack on Konoha.

October 8 : The Third Shinobi War begins ; Iruka goes to Island Turtle to try and keep Naruto out of the war. 

Morning of October 10 : The War ends, everyone awakes from the Infinite Tsukuyomi.

Naruto discovers he has to take classes for two years with Iruka’s help.

Year 28 : Kakashi (32) becomes Hokage ; Sasuke (18) leaves Konoha.

Year 29 : Events of Naruto: The Last.

Year 30 :

Some time before the wedding, Naruto asks Iruka to stand as his father at the wedding.

Naruto and Hinata’s wedding.

March 27 : Boruto is born.

Year 31-39 : At some point, Iruka (31-39) becomes Headmaster of the Academy. 

Year 32 : Himawari is born.

Year 35 : Naruto (24-25) becomes Hokage.

Year 39 :

End of the year : Chapter 700, epilogue. 

Iruka is 39.

Year 42 : Boruto’s generation (12) graduates.

At some point, Iruka takes care of Sarada while Sasuke and Sakura are on a mission ; he teaches her how to cook? I honestly have no idea when the novels happen and what’s going on in them and at this point I’m too afraid to ask. 

Don’t even ask me about Boruto. 

From left to right : 5-10 yo ; 10 yo (Kurama attack) ; 10-11 yo (Academy) ; 10-11 yo (Academy) ; 12-16 yo (before or newly Chūnin) ; 16-20 yo (young teacher) ; 22 yo (Part I) ; 26-27 yo (Pain attack) ; 27 yo (Fourth Shinobi War) ; 29-30 yo (Naruto’s wedding) ; 39 (Chapter 700)

[2ofpentacles]

Characterizing Ivy, Zelkov, and Kagetsu

Someone asked me my thoughts about writing these characters that I love so very much, and that was all the excuse I needed to absolutely go off. These are just my interpretations of the characters, (although I do feel like they're pretty rooted in canon). Everyone is going to see them a bit differently, but these are some of the aspects I think about when writing them.

Zelkov is a big bucket of emotions; he just doesn't realize it. He's purposefully tried to cut himself off from his emotions so much that he can't see he's the most dramatic person in the universe. He wants to distance himself from others so that he doesn't have to deal with the pain of losing someone close to him again. He does this by being cold, formal, and mysterious. Despite that, he has a desire to take care of others that he can't suppress. He constantly goes out of his way to help people. Beneath that is possibly a need to be needed. If someone needs him, then he has a purpose and reason to keep living. (I don't think it's a coincidence that I find all of this exemplified in his supports with Ivy...) Two traits that I assume he's always had are his perfectionism and his honesty. He doesn't just casually do things to kill time; he has to master them. And he's not falsely modest about his abilities. He does have pretty low self esteem when it comes to his, like... worth as a human being, though (He considers himself to be a "wretch.").

Bonus headcanon: He purposefully avoids learning people's names if he can get away with it.

Ivy is a big bucket of emotions with the lid held on very tightly. She knows that she has all these strong feelings, but refuses to allow herself to show them. She is fixated on presenting herself as her ideal of the perfect princess. Showing strong emotion would be a sign of weakness. What this means is that she can't bend, so under great enough pressure, she breaks, and all those pent up emotions come pouring out. Despite this, she's completely committed to carrying out what she believes is her duty, no matter the personal cost. Because she was raised in an unstable environment where she couldn't trust the people around her, she is naturally suspicious and has a hard time taking anything at face value. (This is why she has such a hard time understanding Kagetsu. And the first thing she compliments Zelkov on is his honesty.) Due to her upbringing, she (perhaps unconsciously) wants people to like her for who she is. Trust is a key element in several of her supports. Once she does begin to trust someone, you can see that she has a sense of humor and enjoys teasing people.

Bonus headcanon: She likes to wrap up in blankets when no one else is around because it makes her feel safe.

Kagetsu is completely in touch with and at peace with his emotions. He feels his feelings and is not afraid to express them. So the complete opposite of the other two. He's extremely curious. He left behind his family and responsibilities as the prince of Pale Sands in order to experience all of Elyos (and spar with strong opponents). He feels guilty about this and thinks he needs to do something extraordinary in order to justify leaving. He wants to be friends with everyone he meets. Again, this is just my interpretation, but my impression of Kagetsu was that he was aromantic (but not asexual. He likes quizzes.). To paraphrase something my friend said, he's not in love with anyone because he loves everyone (although Ivy and Zelkov have a special place in his heart). He is basically a big puppy dog of a person.

Bonus headcanon: He pretty much becomes the therapist for the group because Ivy and Zelkov are so bad at feelings.

Honestly, I could go on and on (and I also have thoughts about other characters) but I'll stop here. The brain rot is unreal. I can't help but think about this stuff (and the 14 and counting fanfics I've written about them) when people say Engage's characters aren't that deep...

[ah-ga-seven]

Till The End of Summer - Chapter 15 (Bonus: The End)

>> series masterlist <<

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Reader

In a Nutshell: College!AU, Rich Kids, Friends to Lovers, Fuckboy athlete Yeonjun, Overprotective Best friend Soobin, contains all of TXT and other Idol cameos, Omnipresent perspective.

Genre: Fluff, Angst.

Synopsis: You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other; even though the world, Yeonjun’s family, past and reputation makes things complicated?

Word count: 7K

Genre:  Fluff, Angst

Warnings: None??

Yeonjun was following you around the house like a lost puppy as you were running around like a crazy person, gathering stuff you needed while you were half-dressed and half ready to leave the house.

“Baby, slow down,” he says as he zipped up your dress from the back while you were putting on your heels.

“No, we’re gonna be late for our best friends' wedding. Ugh, I knew we shouldn’t have showered together, that always ends with dickstractions.”

Yeonjun stopped in his tracks, unable to suppress his laughter. “Did you just say dickstrations?”

You turn around on your heels, a little startled at how close he was. You hadn’t looked at him since he changed into his suit and suddenly you feel your mouth grow dry at the sight.

He noticed how you were gawking at him and grinned, holding you by your waist. “Like what you see?” he asks all seductively, running his hands through his roughly slicked-back black locks. He looked ravishing, even better than the runway models of his own fashion shows.

You nod, biting your lip as he inches closer for a kiss, but you stop him as realization hits you. “Babe no, my make-up.”

He rolled his eyes, letting go of you so you could finish getting ready, and sat down on your king-sized bed, watching you put on the diamond choker necklace he got you for Christmas last year.

“I can’t believe they’re getting married,” he mumbles as he stares into distance.

“That’s usually what happens when you get engaged, babe.”

Your tone was a little bitchier than you intended, but after 5 years of being together while all of your friends were getting married left and right, you had no idea why you hadn’t been proposed to yet.

The thing is, between Yeonjun starting his own luxury fashion brand and your demanding job at a scientific research facility, you haven’t had the time to even think about having a wedding of your own, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want one.

Yeonjun looked at you a little puzzled and just as he was going to open his mouth to speak, his phone started to ring.

You looked at him through the mirror as you put your diamond earrings on and by the frown that had taken over his features you knew it had to be work.

He picked up with a sigh. “I thought I told you not to call me today unless it was an emergency, so this better be good.”

Yeonjun as a businessman was a full 360 from who he was at home or with his friends. It’s not like he was an asshole but…the reason why his brand got to showcase its creations next to majors like Balenciaga and Céline so quickly wasn’t because of his soft side.

You make eye contact and you raise your brow in question, but he just silently mouthed that it was work as he opened your bedroom door.

He walked out, not wanting you to hear him rant to his employees about some fuck up on their side.  

You quietly put your lipstick in your clutch as you hear him close his office door behind him. Well shit. It must be bad if he doesn't want you to hear.

You hoped that whatever it was wouldn’t spoil the mood.

You fix a piece of Yeonjun’s hair as he’s driving and pout. He was stressed and nervous, you could tell by the way he was biting the inside of his cheek. he was Soobin’s best man, and you were Mia’s maid of honor; so, you were heading there earlier to welcome the guests and help them wherever you could.

“Are you nervous baby?” you ask as you intertwine your fingers with his.

He sighs, raising your intertwined hand to his plump lips to give the back of your hand a sweet kiss before putting both of your hands in his lap. “I have so many responsibilities tonight, I thought weddings were supposed to be fun,” he mumbles, anxiety evident in his voice.

Yeonjun is a perfectionist, so everything had to go perfect today. And given the fact that he had quite the role to uphold tonight, if anything were to be less than perfect, he’d be to blame.

At least that’s how he sees it.

After all these years Yeonjun is still hard on himself, but since it comes from a place of love for Soobin and Mia his perfectionism is even worse.

“It’ll be funnnn” you drag your words as you shake his shoulder to get him to lighten up and it seemed to work as he displayed his pearly whites to you in a boyish smile.

When you arrive at the venue, you’re in complete awe of how beautifully the place was decorated.  

White flower walls and branches were set up throughout the place, they had starlight projectors, big round tables for their guests and the stage was beautifully decorated with polaroid pictures of them and their loved ones.  

It was breathtaking and absolutely adorable. From the details of the engraved silverware to all the guests' names on their respective champagne glasses, they literally thought of everything.

You excitedly look around as you hold on to Yeonjun's arm as you drag him around the empty venue. “Oh my god, and this! They’re polaroids from our college days look!” you point at one of the pictures on the flower wall in front of you and Yeonjun leans forward to look at the group picture of the boys, Mia and yourself.  

“This was at my welcome home party, look. I’m knocked out on your lap.” You giggle excitedly and start looking at the other pictures with childlike enthusiasm and suddenly Yeonjun finds himself simping over how cute you are right now.

He looked around him and noticed how a few staff members were fixing some flower arrangements or plates without minding the two of you, which gave him the perfect reason to be clingy.  

“You look so beautiful,” he says as he snakes his arms around your waist from behind, leaning his head on your shoulder.

You’re surprised by his sudden display of affection and try to turn around but he holds you in place as he softly kisses your neck.

“Yeonjun, stop. I swear if you leave a hickey, I’ll kill you. Both of our parents are coming.”  

He smiles against your skin. “We’re adults.”

“No, I’m the adult, you’re a man child” you argue with a smile and he let out an amused chuckle, reluctantly letting go of you.

“Fine. Just wait till we get home.” He threatens as he casually smacks your ass.

Your moment was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat and when you turn around you are met with Soobin’s tall and handsome form.

He was wearing the white suit Yeonjun designed for him, his hair was slicked back and he had the prettiest smile on his face as he laid eyes on both of you.

“Soobin!” you yell as you launch forward to hug him. He stumbled a step back and chuckled as you hold him at an arm's length. “Wow, you clean up nicely. You look great! So handsome.” You compliment him with a wink and he smiles at you all giddily. “Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself.”

“Ok, enough doting on each other,” Yeonjun says rolling his eyes as he pulls you back so you’d stand next to him again. The action made both Soobin and yourself burst out into laughter.  

“What are you jealous of, I’m literally getting married.’ Soobin boasts all confidently as he wraps an arm around Yeonjun. “I’m jealous that no one’s complimenting me.” Yeonjun pouts and your eyes nearly roll out of your skull as you hear Soobin trying to heal Yeonjun’s ego with compliments.

You softly knock on the door before you peek your head through and make eye contact with Mia through the full body mirror she was facing. Her parents were next to her as well as her brother and her make-up artist.

You both look at each other with shocked facial expressions and when you lock eyes with her, you immediately start to tear up.

She looked beautiful. The strapless lace mermaid gown she was wearing was absolutely show-stopping. Her hair was down, long and wavy, and her make-up was also flawless. You had never seen her like this, and suddenly it hit you that two of your best friends were getting married to each other.

“Mia…” your voice was almost inaudible and when she turned around to see the tears in your eyes, she started to choke up as well.

“Shit, no. Don’t make me cry, my face will melt,” she says as she starts waving her hands to fan herself and the two of you start to giggle as you move closer to embrace her carefully without ruining her attire.

You greet her family before they left to give you a moment alone and turn to her again once they left.

“How does Soobin look?” she asks all excitedly. They hadn’t seen each other today and looking at Mia you were sure that Soobin would start crying once he saw her. “Almost as pretty as you do,” you joke as you walk to the small window of her dressing room that had a view of the main entrance.

“Are you nervous?”  

The place was already getting packed with friends and family, and you spotted the table you’d be seated at, seeing that the boys and their partners were already there.

“Nah, well maybe a little. I’m sure the nerves will go away once I look in his eyes.”  

You pout at her cute statement and look at the clock. “Half an hour till showtime.”

“Oh, shit. Well, I have to get going. I’m taking some pictures with my family before the ceremony, I’ll see you in a bit!”

You nod at her with a smile as she rushes out of her dressing room and make your way down the stairs. You were scanning the halls for Yeonjun but couldn’t find him or the boys when you swore you just saw them.

Your parents would arrive any minute now too, so your mind was in overdrive trying to find any familiar face at this point. You decide to just make your way to your table but halfway there you felt a slight tug on your wrist.

“Y/n? Is that you?”  

You turn around a little bewildered because you were so focused on finding either Yeonjun, your friends, or your parents but when you see the man in front of you, you almost want to disappear.

It’s your fucking ex-boyfriend. Of course, he’d be here, he’s Soobin’s cousin.

You try not to look too startled but when he goes in for the hug you can’t hide your shock at seeing him again after all this time. “Minjae?”  

“The one and only.”

Ew. He’s still smug. What did you even see in him?

You look around quickly to find an excuse to leave but everyone was still missing from your assigned table.

“Can I just say, you look gorgeous. Red is your color,” he states while biting his lip as he looks you up and down. The action made you awkwardly scratch your neck in response. “Uhm, thanks.”

“Why are you alone?” he asks as he bit his lip, unapologetically looking you up and down.

“Oh, I can’t find my boyfriend, I think he went to prepare something with his friends.” You made sure to mention that you were seeing someone and that that particular someone was here with you right now, but Minjae didn’t seem to be fazed by the information

Your relationship ended on bad terms since he cheated and you. You left for college right after your breakup so you never really got closure, of course, you had to run into him here. Just your fucking luck.

“Hmm, is he in his right mind leaving a pretty girl like you all by herself out here?” he asks with a smirk while you try your best not to gag.  

If you could tell him off, you would. But the last thing you wanted was to cause a scene at your best friends’ wedding.

“Uhm, I think I’m gonna go find him.” You try to escape but Minjae follows your figure and stops you from walking away by standing in front of you again.  

“Wow wow, not so fast sweetheart, let’s catch up.” He caresses your upper arm and you flinch at the contact, subtly avoiding his touch.

“I know we didn’t end things on great terms but I’m a changed man, I swear,” he says as he takes a step closer. He was trying to intimidate you and clearly wasn’t fazed by the fact that people were passing by the two of you left and right as it started to get busier and busier while you only got more and more uncomfortable by his presence.  

“Yeah…that’s nice Minjae but I-”

“and I mean, how serious could that relationship of yours be? I don’t see a ring on your finger.”  He interrupts you, wiggling his fingers around to show that he wasn’t wearing one either.

You’re at a loss for words and just about had it. The audacity?  

Soobin always hated Minjae, and now you are starting to understand why.  

“Do you see the man on her arm?” Yeonjun’s voice was crystal clear.

He showed up out of nowhere, grabbing your hand to snake around his arm as he nonchalantly put his hand in his pocket while he looked Minjae dead in the eye with a stoic expression.

You cling onto him, relieved that he showed up. He checked on you quickly but when he saw the distress in your enlarged pupils his jaw clenched.

“Was he bothering you?”  

Yeonjun didn’t give a shit. People were starting to look your way, including Soobin and his parents.  

“I-”

“Oh, wait. You’re Choi Yeonjun, right? That designer.” Once again you are cut off by Minjae, and Yeonjun wasn’t having it, rolling his eyes as annoyance got the best of him.

“Yes. I’m surprised you know of my brand. Looking at your H&M suit I wouldn’t guess you could afford it.” Yeonjun says with a smug grin and all you can do is snort at his comment.

Minjae stiffened, not expecting Yeonjun to come for his throat like that but he tried to act nonchalantly; laughing it away.  

“I-it’s Zara.” Minjae tries, but Yeonjun licked his lip as he looked down with a smirk. He pulled you into him and placed a kiss on top of your head. “Let’s get going baby. Soobin needs us to be ready.”

Yeonjun placed his hand on the small of your back to guide you to where Soobin was standing and you finally start to breathe normally again.

“Who the fuck was that?” Yeonjun asks visibly annoyed.

“Choi Minjae. I used to date him in high school,” You explain in a hushed tone as you make your way through the venue.  

“Choi as in Soobin?” he asks wide-eyed

“Yes, they’re cousins.”  

Yeonjun stayed quiet but you knew this would be a topic of discussion later on.

He wiped the annoyed scowl off his face as he approached Soobin and replaced it with a smile.  

“What was that about?” Soobin asks as he turns to the two of you.

“Just Minjae being a dick. What else is new,” You sigh, making Soobin clench his jaw as he eyes Minjae who had by now sat down next to Soobin’s aunt and uncle at their assigned seats.

“It’s ok, Yeonjun told him off he won’t try it again. What’s a wedding without a little family drama am I right?” you try to calm Soobin’s protective side down a little, but even after all these years, nothing has changed in that aspect.

“He’s the ex that cheated on you right?” Yeonjun asked and you nod, giving him a look. “Let’s just let it go ok, the ceremony is about to start.”

Your attention is shifted to Hueningkai, who hugged Soobin from the back, making Soobin jump at the sudden attack. “Hiiii” he cooed as he rubbed his belly.

Soobin and Yeonjun start beaming at him and you watch them have their moment until he turns to you for a hug. “Hi babyface,” you tease, making Hueningkai cringe.  

“Stop calling me that, I’m 25,” he complains, but he secretly loves it and before you knew it you were joined by Beomgyu and Taehyun.

It wasn’t long before the ceremony would start. Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai stood on Soobin’s side of the altar, and you stood on Mia’s side with Ryujin and some of Mia’s childhood friends and cousins.

As both yourself and Yeonjun were appointed as maid of honor and best man, you stood in the front. Yeonjun stood with his head held high, eyeing you and giving you a mischievous wink as you made eye contact. You winked back with a smile which made him chuckle and look down to control his facial expressions.

When you look out on the crowd you make eye contact with your dad who was shaking his head with amusement at how childish the two of you were being and suddenly embarrassment flushes over you, especially when you saw that Yeonjun’s mother had the exact same expression on her face as she was seated next to your parents. A sight you could never get used to.

The music started to play, all of the guests stood up simultaneously and the large white double doors at the entrance opened to show Mia holding on to her fathers’ arm. People started to cheer including yourself and the boys, and without much time Soobin was already choking up and biting his lip to suppress tears.  

Yeonjun looked at Soobin with glistening eyes, patting his shoulder to show comfort as Mia approached.

It was beautiful. All of it. From their vows to their first kiss as husband and wife, it was like a scene out of a movie. The pure happiness you felt for your friends was almost overwhelming and after congratulating the newlywed couple and dinner with soppy speeches by the boys, yourself and their parents it was finally time to party.

You helped Mia change into something more comfortable in her dressing room and sighed as you looked at her. “How does it feel to be married?” you ask with a smirk, which Mia reciprocated. “Not much is different, other than the fact that I can call him my husband.”

“Must be nice, I’m in my late twenties and still call Yeonjun my boyfriend. It’s getting weird. The questions of people around me are even worse.”

“Like what?”

“Why aren’t you married, don’t you wanna settle down? Are the two of you in an open relationship, are you sure he’s not cheating on you? The list goes on.”  

Mia’s face contorted from confusion to disgust. “Who the fuck says that.”

“My co-workers.” You huff. “But enough about me, I’m sorry. This is your day.” You try to laugh it off, but Mia is a literal psychologist, so she wouldn’t just let this go.

“Hmm, no. The dance floor can wait,” she says as she sat down on the couch, patting the empty spot beside her to tell you to sit down.

You try to protest but she grabs your wrist and pulls you down with her, making you look her in the eye.

“Have the two of you talked about marriage?”

“Yes and No.”  

“Does he know you wanna get married?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, then…why hasn’t he asked.”

“Girl, you tell me.” You sigh. “Do you think he’s having second thoughts? With his brand and the people he’s around, they're a different caliber of gorgeous.”

“Y/n.” Mia scoffs. “Yeonjun would die without you, and you know he isn’t that shallow. He loves you more than anything. He still looks at you the way he looked at you in college. Just talk to him…”

“And say what? Hey dude, why haven’t you proposed to me yet?”  

“…yeah.” She shrugged, not getting why you wouldn’t just talk to him about it but you honestly didn’t know how to bring up the conversation. If you both talked about it and he proposed somewhere in the future, it’d mean that he did it because you wanted him to and not because he wanted to.  

“I can’t do that; my pride is in the way.” You explain giving her the short answer to your thoughts.

“I can talk to him.”

“No Mia, please. No.”

“Ah, come on. I won’t make it obvious; you know me.”  

Mia plopped herself down on the seat next to Yeonjun.

“So, when are you two getting married?” she says without a filter, making you choke on your drink. You had fire spewing from your pupils as you look at her, mouthing a ‘bitch what the fuck’ to her which she just shrugged off, turning her attention to Yeonjun.

“Uhm…” Yeonjun chugged his champagne in one shot and bit the inside of his cheek.

Shit.. he only does that when he’s nervous about something.

“I mean, we haven’t really had the time. Our jobs are too demanding right now.” He explains with a soft smile, hoping that Mia would leave him alone about it, but he knew better.

You awkwardly shift in your seat and wanted to avert the conversation, but the other boys were already busting it down on the dance floor with Soobin, meaning the three of you were alone.

Yeonjun looked at you and noticed that you weren’t looking at him or Mia and sighed.

“I don’t know, the whole concept of marriage is kinda outdated right? I mean no offense of course. You just got married.” He gave Mia one of his hypnotizing smiles but if you heard that right then that was the confirmation you needed. He got up, kissing the top of your head. “You coming to dance with me?” he asked innocently but you just shook your head.

He isn’t planning on proposing to you. Not now, not ever.

“I’m sitting this one out.”  

Yeonjun nodded understandably and walked towards his friends, making a dumbfounded Mia look at you with concern.

“….He…thinks it’s lame?” Mia says confused as ever.

“I don’t know Mia, I’ll just let it go for now.”

“No, listen to me y/n. If this is what you want for your future, then you have to let him know. Otherwise, he’ll never get it. You don’t want to have to explain to your kids why daddy never married mommy.”  

You sigh loudly, slouching in your seat while rubbing your forehead. “Wait,” Mia says. “He does want to have kids, right?”

“Yes, he does.”  

“Ok…at least you have that in common.” She tries to joke to lighten the mood but you glared at her.

“Mia…”

“Ah, I’m sorry. I know it’s not funny.” She shrugged, holding out her hand. “Wanna go dance?”

“No, I’m gonna look for my parents and Yeonjun’s mom.” You say looking around to find them.

Mia pouted at your rejection but she understood that you weren’t in the mood right now. “I expect at least one dance with my best friend, ok?” she pouted at you and you give her a weak-hearted smile.

“Ok, I promise. But later, ok?”  

She nods and you both get up as you part ways.

Yeonjun kept an eye on you and frowned when Mia approached without you.

“Where is she going?” he asked as he looked at Mia. “To say hi to her parents and your mom.”  

Soobin wrapped an arm around Mia’s waist and pulled her into him with a twirl. “There’s my lovely wife,” he says as he pecks her lips.

“Oh, Jesus.” Taehyun says shaking his head. “We’ve entered a new era.”  

“Let them be, they just got married.” Beomgyu chuckled as he swayed to the beat with Ryujin’s arms wrapped around his neck.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of calling you, my husband.” Mia says with a laugh as she threw her head back in laughter as Soobin attacked her with kisses,  and suddenly the puzzle pieces fell into place for Yeonjun at the sight.

The realization took over his features and he was immediately alarmed.

“I’m gonna go find y/n.” he says without looking back at his friends before he storms off to find you.  

“What do we do now?” Hueningkai asks in confusion.

“What was planned,” Mia says shrugging her shoulders.

Yeonjun arrived at the table both of your parents were seated at, but you were nowhere to be found.

“Hey dad, have you seen y/n?” Yeonjun asks putting a hand on your father’s shoulder.

Your dad looked up at him with a smile and shrugged. “Haven’t seen her kid.”

“She went that way.” Yeonjun’s mother says pointing to the main entrance.

Yeonjun nodded and wanted to bolt off into your direction but your mother stopped him. “Everything ok?”

“Y-yeah, I just need to tell her something,” he says as he rushed off.

The three of them follow Yeonjun with their eyes in confusion while his mother lets out an exasperated sigh.  

“I hope it’s not serious.” Your dad says raising an eyebrow.

“Knowing my son, it’s serious.” She states as she downs her champagne,  grabbing another one of the waiters’ tray swiftly as they passed by.  

Yeonjun made his way outside of the venue. The sun had set and it was chilly out; making him worry even more because if you were out here, you’d probably be freezing.  

He walked around the perimeter of the venue and stopped in his tracks when he saw you sitting alone on the steps, looking out on the lake with a wine glass in your hand.

He sighed as he watched you take a sip while you were lost in deep thought and took off the blazer to his suit as he approached you.

He draped it over your shoulders, startling you in the process but when you look up at him you instantly relax.

He sat down next to you with a low groan, taking the wine glass from your hold while taking a sip.

“That’s mine.” You try to sound playful but your tone of voice sounded rather sad, making him sigh while putting the wine glass down next to him.

“Why didn’t you tell me you want to get married?” He asks as he stares into what seems like your soul. It made you feel incredibly vulnerable and small.

“What did Mia say to you?”

“Nothing. It clicked to me when you walked off and then she called Soobin her husband and it just…”

He cut himself off as you avoided eye contact and closed his mouth with a slight pout.

“Baby…tell me.”

“Nothing I say will make sense to you,” you say with a bitter smile as you stare at the fountain in the middle of the lake. Your eyes fixated on the lights that changed color and your vision got blurry.

“Try me.” He says as he put his hand on your thigh but you stiffened at his touch, which made him frown. Having had enough of your vagueness he laced his fingers through your hair and made you look at him.

His sweet demeanor had shifted to a sterner one. He wanted answers, even if you thought they wouldn’t make sense.

He cocked his eyebrow and licked his lips, waiting for you to speak.

“Yes, I do, but I…” you take a deep breath to collect your thoughts and start rambling.  

“Of course I want to get married to you Yeonjun. It’s been five years. Incredible years at that, but as time passes, I want to be able to call you my husband. I’ll be 80 years old with grandchildren and a boyfriend, and call me old-fashioned but that’s not exactly how I pictured my life to be.”

He pursed his lips together as he listened to you attentively, furrowing his eyebrows a little to understand.  

“Yeonjun. If I have to tell you that I want to get married, then you’d only propose to me because I basically told you to do so and I don’t want that. I don’t want you to do something because you feel like you have to. If the thought never crossed your mind, then…that says enough”

“Y/n…I’m sorry. I just never thought that-”

“It’s ok. I’ll get over it.” You say interrupting him.

“No. Baby, hear me out.”  He made you look at him again. “You have to realize that the only example of a marriage I ever had was the one my parents were in. They hated each other. Married out of a business agreement and stayed together because a piece of paper tied them together. I don’t want that for us.”

“Yeonjun, we’re nothing like your parents ever were.”  

He wasn’t helping his case with that comment. You took his hand off of your cheek and reached over for your wine glass, taking a sip once you retrieved it.

Yeonjun’s eyes were darting back and forth, trying to find the right thing to say but he knew that nothing he’d say right now would make a difference.

“I’m sorry…” Yeonjun says with sadness. He looked like a lost puppy. Truly unable to grasp why you were so upset about this, and honestly you had enough of trying to explain to him why marriage was so important to you.

Your parents were the perfect example of a successful marriage, and all you wanted was something as genuine as their love.

“Can we just talk at home? I don’t want to spoil the mood for our friends. They must be wondering where we are.”

He sighed, rubbing his forehead in agony. He watched you get up and jolted upwards in lightning speed to match your tempo.

“I don’t want to go back in there like this, we need to talk about this somehow.”

“We just did Yeonjun. I want to get married, you don’t, and last time I checked I can’t marry myself so I’m just gonna have to deal with it.”  

“Y/n..”

By now you had arrived at the entrance. You downed your drink and set the empty glass down on a random tray and waltzed inside of the ballroom with big strides.  

“Hey bitch, catch!” Mia yells as she throws you her bouquet.

You hadn’t even noticed how the music stopped and look at her wide-eyed. What the hell was she thinking? Wasn’t the look of thunder on your face enough of a hint that you weren’t in for her jokes right now.

You look back and Yeonjun somehow disappeared from your line of sight, making you even more confused and annoyed than you already were.

“Mia, what the hell.” You furrow your eyebrows at her and notice how suddenly all eyes were on you.

People were standing in a circle and most of the tables were set aside to create the space that you were now standing in the middle of right now.

Soobin smiled at you, he wrapped his arm around Mia’s shoulder, pulling her into him as his eyes disappeared into crescent moons. He watched your eyes widen as Tae, Gyu and Kai approached you. Tae covered your eyes as Beomgyu and Hueningkai sat you down on a random chair they brought with them.  

What the fuck was going on?

- Before the wedding -

“I can’t believe they’re getting married,” he mumbles as he stares into distance.

“That’s usually what happens when you get engaged, babe.”

Yeonjun looked up at you in surprise as you were looking at him through the mirror while putting on your earrings.

Are you on to him? He dumbfoundedly stared back at you, trying to find the right words to avert your attention to a different topic but then his phone started to ring.

It was Soobin.

His eyes widened. Lying wasn’t something he was good at, but he didn’t want you to catch on.

He picked up with a sigh. “I thought I told you not to call me today unless it was an emergency, so this better be good.”

He looked at you, mouthing to you that it was a work thing as he disappeared from your shared bedroom and into his home office.

He closed the door behind him, pacing back and forth.  

“Sorry, y/n was in the room,” Yeonjun says with a relieved sigh.

“Is she suspecting anything?” Soobin asks a little worried.  

“No, at least I don’t think so.”

“Good. We planned this for way too long for it to be ruined. Everything is set up. She won’t know what’s coming for her.”

Yeonjun smiled, retrieving the square box from his back pocket as he opened it, staring at the 12-carat diamond ring in its case.  

“I hope so.”

As Taehyun removed his hands from your line of sight a still image was projected on the wall in front of you.

You blink a couple of times to look around and see how Mia and Soobin were giddily smiling at you. You give the boys a look but they just laughed it off, motioning you to look at the monitor, and that’s when the video started playing.

It was a full timeline of your relationship with Yeonjun, videos and pictures of your college days, videos of yourself and Yeonjun decorating the house for Christmas, family dinners, important milestones; he documented all of it.  

Deep down inside you knew what was about to happen but after everything that just went down, it was incredibly hard to believe.

You're entranced by what you were seeing, completely frozen and in shock to even move until the video cut to a clip of Soobin and yourself as kids, you guessed you were about 5 years old at the time.

Little Soobin and yourself were having a pretend wedding ceremony, making everyone in the room swoon and chuckle.

You still remembered this day clearly. You made Soobin dress up with you and play house but 5-year-old you came to the genius realization that in order to play house, you’d have to get married first.

Your eyes started to water at the sight, and then your dad who was behind the camera cleared his throat in the video.

“Soobin, are you going to marry y/n when you’re older?” he asks panning the camcorder around to show that both of your moms were present too.

“Ew dad, no.” you crossed your tiny arms over each other and gave Soobin a grossed out glare.

“No, probably not.” Soobin agreed too as he shrugged his shoulders.  

“But when I do get married, I’ll make sure y/n gets married too.” He says with a small lisp, determination evident on his features as he pursed his lips together to show off his dimples.

Your parents started to laugh in the clip. “That’s not how it works Soobin.”

“Yes it is!” little you agreed with Soobin, linking arms with him as you stared straight into the camera.

“Let’s pinky promise.” You grinned at him, linking your tiny pinky with his. “Promise!”

The video stopped and you wiped a tear from your face as you give both Mia and Soobin a sentimental smile. Beomgyu helped you stand up and ran off to stand next to the others, who were by now joined by your parents and Yeonjun’s mother.

Both yours and Yeonjun’s favorite song started to play softly, and you turn around to see where it was coming from as Daniel Caesars' voice rang through the speakers.

‘Through drought and famine’

‘Natural disasters’

‘My baby has been around, for me.’

You were met with Yeonjun’s charming smile as he walked closer to you, taking your hands to lace his fingers with yours.

“What is all this…” you look at him with watery eyes,  

“Aren’t you going to keep the promise you made to Soobin?”  

He smiled at you as he let go of one hand, taking a tiny black velvet box of out his pocket as he got down on one knee.

You cover your mouth out of shock, tears welling up in your eyes once more as you give him a small nudge.

“You asshole.” You huff in tears, making everyone in the room laugh including Yeonjun. "And all of you were in on it?" you ask looking back at your friends who were nodding their heads in unison.

You chuckled through your tears, averting your attention back to Yeonjun who was still knelt down before you.

“You’re my home y/n.” he says with watery eyes. “Throughout everything, you are the one thing in my life that is unchanged. I know it was far from easy to love me for the past 5 years, but with all the craziness you have stood by me. With this ring, I want to show you that I’ll stand by you too…until death do us part” he states with a soft smile, and by now your mother has started to cry, including Yeonjun’s mother; the ice queen herself.

“Y/n.” he says taking a deep breathe. “Will you marry me?”  

You sniff your tears away, scrunching your nose as you start to nod furiously.

“Yes.”

Yeonjun smiled up at you, quickly putting the ring on your finger before he got up and spun you around in his arms as people started to cheer, even Minjae was bitterly clapping his hands to congratulate you.

Yeonjun hugged you tightly as you buried your face in his chest, crying at the surreal and perfect moment. He giggled as a tear ran down his face too. Burying his nose in your hair as he held you as close as possible.

“I love you,” you manage to get out before you lean in to kiss him.

“I love you too.”

- 1 year later -

“Oooh my god Mia, you’re about to pop.” Yeonjun says with big eyes as he opens the door for Mia and Soobin to enter your home.

Yeonjun and yourself had gotten back from your month-long honeymoon a few days back and you invited everyone over for a Sunday dinner.  

“Gee thanks. It’s not like I’m 8 months pregnant or anything.” She huffs as she waddles to the living room to sit down next to Taehyun and his boyfriend of two years, who had already arrived prior to them.

Yeonjun chuckled, throwing an arm around Soobin.

“How are you holding up, father to be?” he asks as he squeezed Soobin’s shoulder

“I can’t wait till the baby comes. Her hormones have been crazy lately, she made me get cheese nuggets last night at 2 am.” Soobin says as he rubs his eyes.

“Oh, y/n makes me do that without the pregnant part.”

You emerge from your kitchen at the sound of your name. “You talkin shit Choi?”

“No, I just told Soobin how much I loved you.” Yeonjun says through his teeth with a smile and all Soobin could do was laugh at the interaction.

You roll your eyes, wiping your hands on your apron as you take it off.

“Dinner will be ready in like half an hour.” You announce as you walk into the living room.

When you lay eyes on Mia you immediately run over to her, squeezing her as you rubbed her belly. “She’s gonna be the cutest baby ever.” you pout.

“Have you thought of a name yet?” Taehyun asks as he reached over to touch Mia’s baby bump as well.

“We’re still deciding,” Mia says with a smile, and at that the doorbell rang once again.

You got up to open the door and were greeted with the smiles of a by now engaged Beomgyu and Ryujin, followed by Hueningkai and his girlfriend Won-young  

The night was spent enjoying the food you made, you reminisced about your college days and talked about everything from your honeymoon to brainstorming baby names for Mia and Soobin.  

Time flew by when you were all together.

The group was enjoying a drink at the bar area of your kitchen and you were pouring yourself a virgin martini in full concentration mode.

Yeonjun snakes his arms around your waist from behind and kissed your temple sweetly as he came to check on you. You leaned into his touch, the both of you stared at the group of people that you call your family, smiling contently as you look up at Yeonjun to peck his lips.  

“When do we tell them?” he asks as he rubbed your tummy.  

You turn around to face him, giving him a nervous smile. ‘I’m worried that Mia might give birth on the spot when she hears the news.”

Yeonjun snorted at your comment, touching your stomach once again as he stared down in wonder. “I still can’t believe it,” he comments as he's lost in thought to a month ago when you told him about it.

Yeonjun was quick to serve everyone a brownie for dessert, carefully instructing them to wait before they took a bite.

You got up to stand next to him at the edge of your dinner table and had the giddiest smile on your face.  

“…Brownies?” Beomgyu asks wide-eyed.

“The last time you made these I developed PTSD.” Soobin says, reminiscing back to the night where you told everyone you had bagged an exchange to Brown University.

“So, you have news again?” Taehyun asks carefully and Yeonjun just nodded with a smile, pulling out his phone to record their reactions once they broke off a piece.  

“You’re not immigrating to another country or anything this time, right?” Mia asked, making you and Yeonjun chuckle at the absurd guess.

“Come on guys, open it up.” You clapped your hands excitedly and waited for them to break off a piece with their forks.

Ryujin was the first one to catch on as she discovered the blue and pink cream filling, followed by loud gasps and screams from everyone.

‘WE’RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY IN THE FAMILY!?” Hueningkai yells with big eyes, asking for confirmation as everyone looked at the two of you with anticipation.

All you could do was smile and nod and suddenly you were bombarded with hugs, kisses, and even tears from an overwhelmed Mia.

“I-I’m s-so h-happy for you!” she sniffed through her tears as she hugged both you and Yeonjun clumsily yet tightly.

Soobin approached you next with a huge grin on his face. “Our kids are going to be just like us, like all of us” He said with watery eyes, looking at Yeonjun and the rest of the boys with proudness and love emitting from his pupils.  

“Together forever.”  

A/N: Thank you so much for the overwhelming love and support all of you have given me throughout the series. Till the End of Summer has officially ended.

I hope you enjoyed the journey as much as I did.

[fandom-necromancer]

A fresh start alternate part 2

This was prompted by a lovely anon! Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warnings: referenced childhood trauma, mentioned self-harm, self-harm-scars) [Part 1]   [alternate ending to part 1]   [continuation Fowler&Connor]

Gavin wouldn’t have believed it if someone would have told him how much relief talking about his problems had brought him. It felt good not being alone with it anymore and his work relationship with Nines had bettered itself too. The bot wasn’t too bad. For the first time it felt like someone really wanted to work with him. His humour was clunky, and his perfectionism could be really annoying, but all in all they slowly grew together making the perfect team. It hadn’t taken long for Gavin to hope for more. He was careful not to think too much into it, but they gradually spent more time around each other. Nines knew him better than anyone else and Gavin in turn had opened up to him. Still it took him several weeks to invite the android over to his place. From there it seemed to go faster as Nines would sometimes crash on his couch (and bed) for the whole weekends sometimes. They didn’t exactly live together yet, but they spent more time together than separated by now. And it felt nice. Not being alone. Living together with someone who appreciated him and who he adored. All his resentments against the machines had been quickly thrown out to make more room for new memories.

It helped that Nines never judged him for what he did. When a long day called for the blade, he let him do it. The only thing the android insisted on was that he was allowed to sit next to him, talk with him about it and take care of him afterwards. After some time, Gavin even noticed that that was enough already sometimes. The sneaky bastard tried to condition him into talking with him rather than cutting himself, but like hell he would ever try to stop him. Nines just wanted to help, and he was successful with his tactics. He had even managed to make Gavin feel comfortable enough around him at home to wear short sleeves or fold them back his lower arm, the scars on full display. Nines had seen them anyways already, so what would it hurt?

Gavin also rather liked the attention Nines gave them, caressing the imperfections of his skin and tracing along the lines. Just like he did now on their cosy afternoon lying on the couch. Gavin had his back against the android’s chest, the gentle vibrating hum and the warmth of the thick blanket making him feel sleepy already. Nines fingers were slowly dancing along his forearms, his steady breath in his hair. Gavin could only sigh, seeping into each and every touch. ‘What?’, the android asked amused. ‘Nothing’, Gavin hummed. No talking please. That would only ruin the moment. Nines huffed out a laugh, the expansion of his chest like a disturbance. ‘You are far too cute like this.’ ‘M not cute’, he mumbled and tensed his shoulders a little. Nines laid his head on his shoulder to whisper in his ear: ‘Then you should see yourself right now. You are adorable.’

‘Stop it’, Gavin said louder, trying to sound determined but ended up laughing through it. His hand only half-heartedly pushed Nines’ head away. ‘Never’, Nines commented, kissing his cheek. ‘Alright, well, now you woke me up again…’, the human complained. ‘I’m sorry.’ ‘Nah, it’s okay. Let’s talk about something.’ ‘How about your brother?’, Nines suggested. ‘What? Nines, I said “let’s talk about something”, not “let’s ruin the whole evening”!’ ‘Why? I thought you said you never had a problem with him, only with your parents.’

Gavin sighed. ‘Yeah, that’s right.’ ‘Then why not meet up with him sometime?’ ‘Other question: Why meet up with him?’ ‘It could help you come to terms with your past, Gavin.’ ‘What is this? Therapy?’, the man complained. ‘In a way’, Nines shrugged. ‘And so far everything worked out fine.’ ‘I know, smartass. But I can still whine about it, can’t I?’ ‘Of course. That means you consider it?’ Gavin deflated. ‘Fine, we’ll do it.’

-

‘Phck, I don’t even know what we should talk about’, Gavin cursed and held his head in growing frustration. It was a bad idea, he knew it, but there was no going back now. They had already cleaned, set the table, and cooked and Elijah was on his way. The waiting killed him. ‘You will find something’, Nines tried to soothe him, massaging his shoulders. ‘It will be awkward as hell’, Gavin groaned. ‘In the beginning, maybe. It will work out.’ ‘You really think so?’ ‘I know it.’

Gavin really wished he had Nines’ confidence as the doorbell rang and he stood up to open it. He stared into the face of a man he had not seen in a very long time. CEO of Cyberlife, reclusive hermit and CEO of Cyberlife again. Gifted child. A man so much better than him and reason for all his problems. And still his brother who wasn’t at all to blame for any of it. ‘Hello, Gavin’, Elijah greeted him as the silence stretched for too long and held out his hand. Gavin took it. He looked sleek and Gavin doubted a normal human could afford the clothes he wore, but at least he had tried to look casual and he appreciated that. ‘Hey, Elijah. Has been a while I guess.’ ‘Too long’, the man nodded and stepped inside the house as Gavin stepped aside. ‘Nines’, the RK900 introduced himself next. ‘A pleasure to meet you.’ ‘Oh. Of course.’

Elijah lifted a brow and looked back at Gavin. ‘Hey, I never hid the fact I’m gay, okay? You just never asked’, the man got defensive. ‘Oh, no I didn’t mean that’, Elijah was quick to say as he hung up his jacket. ‘Just thought you hated androids.’ ‘I did’, Gavin nodded as he led them towards the table. ‘Things change. He’s my partner at work and…’ He looked up at the android and Nines smiled. ‘I think it is only a question of time until “good friends” fails to describe our relationship’, he politely helped out. ‘That’s… Good for you’, Elijah smiled, sitting down taken a bit off-guard by the suddenly very personal topic. ‘He helps me a lot with my… well, I got a lot of mental stuff and general… problems, I guess.’

He was about to stand up ad help Nines, but the android gestured him to stay seated and leave it to him. ‘He was also the one to suggest us meeting up.’ ‘It’s a good idea’, Elijah agreed. ‘I… Damn, we are brothers. But we lost contact when? We were both still in school, I think… It’s been too long, and I’ve been too much of a chicken shit to call you.’ ‘Hey, same’, Gavin shrugged and threw Nines a grateful look as he came with two plates for them. ‘Part of it was also that I just wanted to leave everything behind me. Start anew.’ ‘What do you think why I put everything into my androids?’, Elijah laughed. ‘Felt the same way.’ ‘Really?’ ‘Did you think I didn’t notice what was going on? Just because you are praised to the moon and back doesn’t mean you don’t see what he was doing to you. I didn’t want to have anything to do with the asshole that drove you out of our home.’

Gavin began eating and used the time to think. ‘Shit, I never thought of you noticing it.’ ‘Sure I did. Thought you’d hate me for it. Leaving you alone with them. Being the reason you had... well a shitty childhood.’ ‘Nah, I don’t hate you’, Gavin mumbled. ‘Thank god.’ Elijah sighed and immediately was embarrassed of his relief. ‘Sorry. I thought you called me to scream at me. The entire drive I was mulling over ways to apologise to you.’ Gavin grinned. ‘Shit, should’ve done that then.’ Elijah smiled too and both continued eating in comfortable silence. Gavin didn’t look up, but he would swear Nines was particularly proud of himself in that moment.

‘Okay, who of you two cooked? This is amazing’, Elijah complimented. ‘Oh, we always cook together. But Nines really is the expert, I just follow orders.’ ‘What, my little brother obeying orders?’ ‘Shut up idiot’, Gavin chuckled. ‘You want another serving?’ ‘Oh, I’d love to!’ This time Gavin was faster than Nines and walked over to take Eli’s plate. Only when he had the rim in his hand the light hit his arm and Gavin near visibly flinched. Elijah of course immediately had his hand on his wrist to get a better look. ‘Gavin. What is this?’

The man let go of the plate and jerked his arm out of his hand. ‘Hey, I said I got mental stuff, okay? None of your business.’ ‘You… are these scars from cutting yourself?’ Gavin didn’t answer. ‘Gavin, that is serious, you should be seeing a therapist. This-‘ ‘I already did!’, the Detective interrupted. ‘I did and it did nothing. But I’m getting better, Nines helps me and I don’t have the need for it quite as often!’ ‘Gavin I… I can pay it for you. The best therapist in Detroit, I can-‘ ‘I don’t need your help!’, Gavin shouted, silencing the man. ‘I don’t need it and I don’t want it. And if you say another word, you can leave.’ Nines was ready to intercept their argument, but Elijah already bowed his head. ‘Sorry. I… I’m just worried. Doesn’t it hurt?’ ‘That’s kinda the goal’, Gavin spoke, calmed down again. ‘And don’t worry. I’m far from being suicidal, it’s just a way to… well, cope. When days are really bad. But lately I tend towards talking to Nines over cutting myself. He helps me with it. I’m in good hands.’

Elijah stood up, taking Gavin’s plate from him and setting it aside before hugging him. ‘God, Gavin, if it was that bad… If I had known…’ ‘I kept it a secret, you couldn’t have known.’ ‘But I should have!’ ‘It’s fine. As I said, it was really bad when I still lived with our parents. It’s gotten better after that and now that I’m not alone anymore it gets better from day to day. Don’t think I can ever stop the urge, but I give in less.’ Eli’s grip on him tightened. ‘Shit, Gav, how can I help? We are still brothers. We haven’t talked in a while, but I still love you and care for you.’ ‘That’s already enough to help, Eli’, Gavin smiled into the man’s shoulder. ‘We could try to be real brothers again, meet more often?’

Elijah let him go again and nodded. ‘That sounds perfect. My door is always open for you.’ ‘Thank you.’ Gavin took the two plates again and resisted the urge to pull his sleeves down again to hide the scars. He was at home and save and Eli had seen them now anyways. It would be fine. He would be fine.

‘Now do you want that second plate or no?’

[ilovereadingandilovebreathing]

Perfectionism Killed the Prince...

A/N: Sorry for the lack of formatting or a read more; mobile sucks. (Update: finally fixed the stupid formatting #blessed)   

Summary: Even the strongest of princes break when enough pressure is applied, and Roman is certainly no exception. Sometimes, even a prince needs saving, especially if it’s from himself. 

Word Count: 1,853

Genre: A.N.G.S.T.

Characters/Pairings: Roman, Patton, Logan, Virgil (platonic)

Warnings: self-deprecation, self-hatred, perfectionism, yelling, crying, insults, arguing, harm to the skin (not direct self-harm, but like in an abstract way, I think it is.) (let me know if I missed any)

Tags: @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @ssides @pantasticpanini @celiawhatsherlastname @elliottsonthevirge @anxiousoddish @didsomeonesayprince @fandomsofrandom @anxious-but-whatever 

Most days, Roman can keep a straight face. He can slap on a smile, pull out a pun, and come up with a comeback better than anyone.

Most days, Roman can pull on his princely façade, broaden his trademark smile, and continue to push down his insecurities as he always has. They’re just skeletons in the closet, after all. He’ll clean them out, eventually…whether willingly or by necessity.

This day, sadly for Roman, is not like most days. This day, the Sides are in the MindScape Commons, piles of Roman’s ideas spread around and before them as they try to sift out future videos.

“‘Space Adventures: what starts as an educational experience turns into chaos when all four Sides stowaway into space. Magic School Bus-style shenanigans ensue.’ Do you know what kind of budget we’d need for a video like that?” Virgil tosses the page aside on top of an embarrassingly tall stack of rejects. Roman’s gaze flickers toward Logan, wondering if the other would catch his attempt at integrating the other’s interests, but his eyes fall to his lap in shame instantly. It seems the Logical Side is too immersed in critiquing the page in his own hands to notice.

“'Lonely on Lover’s Day? Take These Tips to Find Happiness Again!” First of all, the title is far too lengthy for a YouTube video; it needs to be concise and snappy. Secondly, it sounds like a gimmicky dating website advertisement. Thirdly, we already did a Valentine’s Day video last year, one that was both serous and joking, as this appears to be. Last but certainly not least, I hardly think we need to be harkening back on romantic relationships and the lack thereof, for we recently made a two-part video focused on the subject.“ Logan sighs, dropping his sheet on top of his own reject pile as he picks up another. Roman grimaces although he probably should’ve seen that one coming. In the back of his thoughts, he’d known it was a crummy, repetitive idea; he’d been stupid to think it would slip by them.

"Hey, I think this one’s a winner!” Logan and Virgil throw Patton cursory glances; Patton’s personal acceptance pile would be far higher if the other two didn’t step in. “'A Day Out With Cute Baby Animals-’”

“Allergies.” The other two say in unison.

Roman winces. Idiot. How could you forget that?

“Oh-KAY!” Patton is flustered but reluctantly lets the planning page fall. “But I didn’t say anything about cats!”

“True, but we won’t risk it. There’s also the budget issue there, too.” Virgil quips, clearly becoming frustrated with this whole process.

“Well, hey, what about the one you got there, Virge: 'The Untold Secrets of Disney-’”

“Sounds like 'The Dark Side of Disney,’ to me.” Virgil groans, throwing down the sheet in his hands without even looking at it. “If I have to read through one more of Princey’s ridiculous ideas, I’m gonna lose it. I’m done for the night. Let’s watch a movie or something instead.” Before the others can protest, Virgil flips up his hood and his headphones materialize. “I’ll be back.” The Anxious Side sinks out of the Commons, and the remaining three are left alone.

“Well, we better get cleaning, then.” Patton sets to collecting all of the unaccepted ideas, tossing them into a garbage bag to be disposed of. As each sheet falls into the plastic bag, Roman feels his heart pound harder and harder. His eyes burn reliving the hours of scouring the woods of the DreamScape for the various forms his ideas could manifest themselves in. His back and shoulders ache as he recalls climbing trees for even the smallest of ideas. His legs and hips throb remembering the distances he ran to catch up to his own thoughts, ones he thought would surely be worth it. His hands tremble, still, after hours of turning those thoughts into written plans that the others could understand.

“Roman, can you hand me that paper there? By your feet?” Patton asks, shattering his reverie.

Roman grunts in reply, bending to grab what turns out to be “The Untold Secrets of Disney.” This idea is actually about the real-life dark events, rumors, and conspiracies surrounding Disney. He had thought it could be a fun idea he and Virgil could participate in together, and it would serve as a continuation of their previous video.

But, of course, Virgil didn’t even take a moment to read it before he immediately judged it as garbage and threw it away…of course, it’s not like he’s wrong…it isn’t the most original idea… Roman thinks bitterly, and before he can stop himself, he is tearing the page into tiny pieces, a shriek of frustration building in his throat.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey there, Ro, calm down.” Patton’s hands are on top of his, gently trying to pry the shreds from within Roman’s shaking fists.

Roman’s eyes go wide, but he immediately releases the scraps, hurriedly collects them, and tosses them in the trash, slumping into himself.

Patton is on his knees in front of him, searching his eyes with a hand on each of his shoulders. “You okay, kiddo? I know these pruning sessions can be hard on you. I think Virgil’s right; it’s time for a break.”

“Agreed.” Logan empties an armload of papers, pushing up his glasses with a tired sigh; the Logical Side gestures toward the acceptance pile, minuscule in comparison to the garbage piles, Roman notes. “Four hours of analyzing ideas is enough for one night, especially when we did not begin as early as we should have.” Logan pauses. “Many of your ideas were well-founded, Roman,” he softly assures the Creative Side, giving him a small smile.

But not good enough. Roman finishes to himself, paying no mind to what Logan actually says. Realizing the other is looking expectantly at him, Roman flashes Logan the best grin he can muster, pushing himself onto his feet.

“Well, nobody’s perfect, right? Not even a prince. We’ll just keep working on it until I get my act together and stop proposing worthless ideas. That’s what pruning is for, after all. To get rid of the dead, useless parts of a tree and of me.” He chuckles, but his heart starts pounding again when he registers the thick silence around him. Logan and Patton exchange a worried glance.

Before they can speak, though, Virgil materializes in the middle of the room.

“Holy crap, Princey, we really went through a load this time. A load of crap.” Virgil jests and gestures with twin finger-guns at the bag Patton is tying. “But not all of them stank.”

Right.

“Virgil-”

“Yeah, kiddo, I don’t think joking about it right now is the best thing-”

“What?” Virgil’s gaze snaps toward Patton at the bubbly Side’s unusually pensive tone. The Anxious Side looks at Roman for the first time since re-entering the room, his eyes growing wide when he realizes Roman’s breathing is labored and his cheeks are bright red. “Whoa, hey, Roman, what’s-”

“Oh, nothing, nothing at all, just the casual dismissal of several weeks of backbreaking labor in the DreamScape that was all obviously for nothing!”

“Princey-”

“Oh, no, it’s fine though.” Roman bites off, unable to contain the pure ire boiling over within him. “It’s fine because none of those ideas were any good anyway, right? You said so yourselves. Crap. Garbage. I’m only sorry I wasted all of our time on such idiotic, over-the-top, ridiculous ideas. I should’ve released them as soon as I caught them and saved us the pains of looking through my horrible work.”

“Roman-” “Ro, honey-” “P-Princey-”

“WHAT?!” Roman shouts at no one in particular. His head and chest are pounding painfully, like a tiny troll is pounding on the inside of his skull and ribcage, and his throat feels raw, aching.

“Princey…it’s okay if all your ideas aren’t all perfect.”

And with that poisonous seven letter word, Roman is hurled over his tipping point.

“What’s the point of doing anything at all if it’s not the best I can possibly do?! If it’s not perfect, there’s no point!” Roman screamed. “I can try and try and try, but in the end, all of my ideas fail because they’re never good enough. Because I’m-” Roman swallows thickly. “I’m not good enough. I’ll never…be good enough.” White-hot tears prick painfully at his eyes, but he will never let them see him break.

Roman immediately sinks out of the Commons and into his room, leaving the other three staring at his spot in pure shock.

—–

Roman storms into his space, locking the door with a violent motion. He immediately crosses to his desk and throws all of his creative supplies in a strongbox without a lock.

I won’t need those anymore anyway…useless tools….just like their user.

Useless. Worthless.

Roman grits his teeth, the fury rising again, and his wild stare swings around his realm. His gaze grabs onto his closet door, the initial gateway into the DreamScape. His rage erupts at an alarming speed, and he throws open the door, hurling the strongbox inside before slamming the door. Eyes locked on the scarlet-painted wood, Roman wills the door the vanish before him, effectively locking away his escape, his plague, and his skeletons.

Or so he thinks. But after years of culmination, it’s become clear that what masquerades as self-assurance and hard work is actually years’ worth of compounded perfectionism, as built up and ominous as the proverbial batch of bones buried in the darkest corner of his closet. After so many occasions of repression, of lying to the others and himself, of pretending he’s far less complicated than he is, Roman Sanders, the perceived perfect prince, is faced with the reality of himself. He is not a perfect being, so everything he creates will not always be his best. The best. Or even close to perfect. And to Roman, that constitutes failure.

The Prince scowls as the last bit of wood melts into the rest of his wall.

No need for that godforsaken hellscape anymore, anyway…it’s useless now…just like its creator…

Useless. Worthless. Imperfect.

These harmful phrases invade Roman’s thoughts, so strong and absolute in his mind that they manifest in a storm cloud that pelts hail on top of him, marring his skin. He cries out in pain, but collapses to the floor, unable to move.

Useless. Worthless. Imperfect. Not good enough. Never good enough.

The hateful words are like vices, vipers, that have him so entangled that he is paralyzed by his own self-doubt. He grits his teeth, curling into himself on the carpet as tears spill out of his eyes, falling as steadily as the hail that whispers self-hatred as it scorches white-hot yet cold against his skin.

Most days, Roman can hide what he feels inside, how much he hates himself, how he feels inadequate, but years of wear and tear have chipped away at his resolve. The skeletons in Roman’s closet have come back to haunt him, but he doesn’t know how to slay what should already be dead.

Part 2 (aka I fixed it): ...But Love Brought Him Back

Spin-off piece: Sticks and Stones

All of my Sanders Sides fanfics

[sixmorningsafter]

Chapter 14: Review

I’m taking another break from my study session to write you a review since I haven’t for a while and this chapter is so great, I want to cry. Here we go!

A/N: Ahhhh, gah, thanks so much for writing this all up, love! So detailed and thoughtful and just aaskfan;olgv. So glad you liked it! Hope your test went well!

1) First part

This Caroline’s contract is so her and Stefan making edits is so him, I loved that you opened the chapter with that hah! Also it’s hilarious how he also makes those edits to annoy Caroline, I love how he teases her sometimes.

The only thing I’m addicted to is you, Steffy bear: I’m so tired of Defan in the show. Bless you for making their bromance so likeable in this fanfic :)

So when you said Stefan was going to be jealous I instantly thought about him getting jealous of Damon with the contract thing being involved. AND I LOVE IT. I mean, I totally love how you write Stefan’s personal thoughts and mind battle between his jealousy emerging and at the same time him trying to repress those emotions because they’re just casual and he doesn’t have the right to. Yet, it shows that Stefan feels something more deeply for her and that the thing of “I just want casual sex” is going to bite him in the ass and I’m so here for it. It’s so funny though, because he thinks Caroline has this contract for him because he thinks she isn’t into him in the same way that “she was into Damon”, when she actually writes this contract as a way to put a wall between them so she doesn’t fall for him. How can he be so oblivious lolol

And I could see what you meant with “judgmental”, “critical” Stefan. The way he went at Damon just because he was feeling jealous. You know, even if it was super wrong, I guess it’s a very human thing to do, especially from Stefan. I get that it brings memories of cheater Elena back and he gets defensive straightforward. Having said so, though, I’d love to see a honest talk between Damon and Stefan, with him explaining to Damon why he behaved so irrationally and immature. I love their brotp moments. So, I was wondering, will Stefan tell him what was going in his mind? 

A/N: WHEW, so much good stuff here - first of all, loooove all your notes and thoughts. All super, super spot-on. Defan is definitely a funny, drama-free bromance in this fic, so naturally I was like ‘DRAMA TIIIIMEEE’. No dynamic can go unscathed, muahahaha. No, but in all seriousness, I’m thrilled with your interpretation of how their tiff went down - I was absolutely going for a very human but still very flawed moment from Stefan because I felt like he was overdue for it, and Damon felt like the unexpectedly right target. There will definitely be a talk between them in the future about it - Damon might be used to letting things slide off him like butter, but Stefan’s not okay with what he did, so he’ll seek him out. Defan bonding ahead! Likely not in 15, though - already a lot going on there, lmao.

Re: the contract, aren’t they both being such idiots? Caroline pretends she’s writing it for Stefan when she’s absolutely writing it for herself, and Stefan’s convinced that her giving free reign to Damon meant she was more into it than her thing with him when it’s the exact opposite. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Luckily, no matter how many stubborn conclusions they come to about each other, their natural magnetism keeps winning out and giving them moments like the one in her room, so. Safe to say we’ll have more of those :)

2) Second part

1. Honestly, this whole moment has made me feel as through I was reading a suspense/mystery/detective story for a moment hsdbaysugd. I’m writing this review as I’m reading so I don’t know if this whole thing about the different IDs will be explained later but I’m so intrigued about these 2 identities and what’s going on! 

2. I’M DEAD ABOUT KAI SENDING BIRDS LIKE WTF. I’m crying, like, what is even this guy?! When I watched the video you made and I saw the birds, I thought it’d be just like a crazy thing caused by the wind or something, but the fact that Kai has all these birds, and sends them to deliver notes? THIS IS TOO MUCH I’M ON THE FLOOR. 

3. Isn’t it hilarious how Damon has gotten under Bonnie’s skin and she can’t shake him off? The sexual tension is too much hehehe.  When I read first Kai’s appearance, I got a vibe that he had a thing for Bonnie. Maybe I’m wrong, though. But it’d be great to see Damon driving Kai crazy during the dinner while flirting with Bonnie in front of him and Kai suddenly releases a lion or tigger or something as his revenge. 

4. Did Damon seriously use Caroline’s shampoo for the wounds? I can’t.

A/N: Woooo, mystery fic feels! That plot’ll come around again during the dinner date, but as you probably know by now, Bonnie does bring it up, lololol. Maybe not in the most productive way but it’s out there. 

Kai’s a delightful lunatic and I can’t wait to write him in an extended role in 15. So glad you’re enjoying him and his bird zoo! Much more madness to come - as fun as the Bonnie x Kai will be, I really think the Damon and Kai dynamic is going to push it over the edge. Speaking of, LOOOOOL at releasing a tiger on Damon. He’s definitely going to be a pretty shameless fake boyfriend and we’ll have to see how Kai takes it all. TBH, I’m pretty sure he finds Damon just as hot as Bonnie so it’ll be an interesting interaction for sure. 

And yes, he washed out cuts with fancy French lavender and there’s a 1000% chance Caroline’s going to kill him if she finds out he wasted her expensive ass shampoo for that.

3) Third part

OH MY GOOOOOOD

1. I love Caroline/Liz’s relationship SO MUCH. You have a gift when it comes to writing family dynamics, just saying. I love the friends vibe I got from them even if they’re mother and daughter. (I can totally imagine Liz meeting Stefan and playing Cupid between the two of them asdbayusdgf). Jump Mr. Brenner’s bones: jnfydsuhf Caroline. Can we expect to see Liz again? 

A/N: Will definitely see Liz again! Either in another phone call or during the Christmas chapter(s). So glad you liked their relationship!

2. Caroline trying to control herself and not snap at Stefan after seeing all the edits was hilarious.

A/N: LMAO the perfectionism is strong in that one.

3. Plus, she couldn’t help but feel like there was a general… off-ness about him right now that she couldn’t put her finger on. A brusqueness, almost, or a sense of calculated distance that reminded her of how they used to be: so, when I read this, I got a little confused as to what could be causing this behavior from Stefan. Was he acting a little distant because of a) his previous jealous-situation earlier? I mean, was it because he was still feeling a little off because Caroline let Damon do more stuff when they were having sex?; b) he thinks Caroline and Damon might be still hooking up?; c) he’s determined to keep it as a casual thing so he’s trying to put some distance between them in that sense or between his own feelings?; d) all of the above? (This sounds like an exam, I’m sorry).

A/N: I think c is probably you best bet. He went into that room business-like, focused, like it was a case he was working on, you know? He’d just finished reading through the entire contract so he had a very clear sense of what she wanted out of him (physical), and on top of that, he’d read it with a determination to prove to himself that he could totally do no-strings-attached. I think the jealousy situation played a role in that, too, but maybe less because of him being upset about Damon and Caroline and more because he was upset at himself and his own inability to handle that well. Basically, he was pulling a Caroline and putting up a front that cracked pretty quickly. 

4. Can I just say how great the positions of Stefan and Caroline felt in this moment? Like, them being sitting in front of each other, around clothes, and in her room, gave a sense of intimacy to everything and I think it was a great scenery.

A/N: Awww, gah, thanks so much, love! This is like such phenomenal feedback to hear as a writer - I tend to try to write things in a way that feels like a movie playing out in your head, or like you’re there in the room with the characters watching it all happen, so the fact that you could feel the intimacy of that scene makes me really happy. 

5. I know Caroline doesn’t like hair pulling, and I don’t expect her to like it even if it was coming from Stefan lmao. But, I don’t know why, I feel like once Stefan “runs” his hand through Caroline’s hair, she’ll like it, at least this way of hair playing? A girl can dream, right? I totally see Stefan doing it even if he tried not to. Maybe it’s because I have this headcanon that Stefan is obsessed with Caroline’s hair in the show, so I’d really love to see that in the fic since we’ve seen Stefan touching her hair while making out with her in the fic sometimes.

A/N: I feel fairly confident saying that the biggest problem she’ll have with Stefan running his hands through her hair in the future will be liking it too much. I also feel fairly confident saying it’ll happen often.

6. Okay, writer: I love this uadasdygf. 

A/N: :)

7. YOU GAVE US THE FIRST HAND-HOLDING, I FEEL BLESSED.

A/N: All the tactility! 

8. I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU GAVE US THIS MOMENT OF CAROLINE IMAGINING A MARRIED LIFE WITH HIM. I’m hyperventilating. I know it’s too soon but you’ve hit me right in my feelings. I get the “Caroline being romantic af” vibe from it and I’m in love gurl. Like, I know it’s over the top, but Caroline starting to believe in love again, the love that she loves so much, is such a cute thing to see? P.S. I really hope they have a mini Caroline one day, because I can totally see a little girl wrapped around his shoulders like a monkey as you said. And I can see her being very Caroline-like with her sassy comments and rolling her eyes every time Stefan starts rambling about nerdy things and she and Caroline exchanging exhausting looks. You’ve ended me, thanks :)

A/N: Looooove that you got the Caroline-the-Suppressed-Romantic vibe from that because it was absolutely what I was going for - she’s super vulnerable to love. She’s hard-wired for it. She grew up with sweeping books and romantic movies and grand gestures and her and Matt started out like a fairytale, you know? So I wanted to sneak in a moment where you start to see that repressed side of her that she denies so hard, and figured daydreams about Stefan the Hot Dad was as good a way to do it as any ;) So, so happy it killed you! LMAO, and aw, a flashforward of that would be tooooo cute. 

4) Fourth part

1. I can’t believe Bonnie confessed she’s having sex fantasies about Damon. I was reading the whole dialogue and conversation and thinking she’s not going to, right? She’s not going to. And once she did I laughed so hard.

A/N: lololol Bonnie’s the biggest wreck she’s been in ages and she is so done with life.

2. I love how Bonnie and Damon can be so direct to each other sometimes. Like I love how Bonnie just said everything that was going on in her mind without biting her tongue, and it makes such a good parallel with Stefan and Caroline because they’re always so scared of just following what they’re truly feeling? I mean, I enjoyed Bonnie’s moments of craziness and running away from Damon all the morning, but reading her exploding was like yay girl, go for it. Also, I’m wondering if Fell is your violent criminal record name and thinking about googling it, but I’m also hoping your towel falls off. It’s all really healthy: I’m dying, poor Bonnie.

A/N: Love this parallel! So accurate - Stefan and Caroline are sort of tentatively navigating around each other and their unacknowledged feelings for each other, and they’ve been doing it in a kind of slow, steadily building way for chapters on end. It’s more controlled, more lingering. Meanwhile, Bonnie just kind of woke up in 13, was like WHOA BOY what is this feeling, did like acrobatics to try and get around it, and didn’t even last a day before cracking. I think there’s a sort of combative volatility to Bamon that lends itself to that, to those big, rip the lid off scenes and poke-the-other-till-they-snap beats, and even though it took longer to get them where they are than it took Stefan and Caroline, they’re almost moving more quickly now because the defenses are down. The pretenses are melting. At least on Bonnie’s end. Damon, there’s still a lot to dive into, but now that Bonnie’s not as focused on being a tight-lipped human stress ball, she’ll get back on the offensive with him and girl can fish. Damon’s up against a lot.

3. Okay, that was hot. Damon’s all in, and he’s being so happy and such a tease about it lol. I’m here for this “you’re not going to be able to resist me” while pretending to a couple. I don’t care if it’s cliché or shown in a lot of fics and shows, I’M SO HERE FOR IT because it’s going to be so fun to read. 

A/N: LMAO it’s the biggest cliche to ever cliche so OFC it’s in this fic! So happy you’re looking forward to it! I think it’s going to be a lot of fun. Sexy, surprising, and fun. 

5) Fifth part

1. How cute that Stefan and Caroline were just watching videos like 2 normal people. A cute, normal moment (let’s forget they were watching videos of people kissing/having sex/basically porn sfsydgfdf I’m dead).

A/N: LMAO right? Casually watchin’ makeout scenes with your pending booty call, nbd. It’s always fun to write them slipping into comfortable moments without really realizing it, since their origins were so tense.

2. The thing of the scarf kind of reminded me of the Harry Potter drabble with nerdy Stefan lol. Also, thank you for this kind of moment because seeing them just bonding is always nice to see. Especially because you can see they’re totally different but they get so comfortable with each other and they work together so well.

A/N: So true! Totally nerdy Stefan! And yeah, absolutely, I think the sexual attraction has been more than established for them at this point, so now’s when the bondy moments start picking up steam, you know? Like the unexpected ease with each other/shared senses of humor/things that imply something deeper than just sexual chemistry. Not in full-force, obviously, since Caroline would probably bolt, but in worrisome flares that get longer and longer every time. 

3. You know, earlier today, I…: I NEED to know what Stefan was going to say! I mean, my first thought was the he was going to tell Caroline about his jealousy earlier, with Damon, but I’m not sure. Well, whether it was or wasn’t that, I was wondering if we’ll see Stefan telling Caroline about that, by the way. I picture Stefan telling Caroline he felt jealous because he has this kind of thought that she sees him as boring or not fun enough, and she reassures him and confesses that he actually makes her laugh sometimes, BUT ONLY SOMETIMES hahaha. 

A/N: In my head, I saw it as he was going to say something along the lines of like, ‘earlier today, I thought that maybe this whole thing was a bad idea.’ Sort of lowkey admit that he was considering not signing the contract, that maybe he wasn’t right for this, and that he had this idea that the only way it could work is if he was super detached or distant, but that actually, the past hour had just been genuinely fun and he was glad he hadn’t decided that. That’s what I was thinking. Not sure he’s at the point with her where he’d open up about any kind of insecurities re: her and Damon, because so much of that is tied so heavily to the blow his self-esteem took with Elena and it’s just a loaded conversation. But maybe a little further down the line, I could see something like that happening!

4. Stefan checking Caroline out and devouring her with his eyes while she was stretching was not subtle at all and I’m happy. He’s so attracted to her, it’s crazy. Honestly, both of them are going to feel so relieved once they finally have sex after so many days of increasing sexual tension lmao.

A/N: I’ve sketched out a few potential first time scenarios for them in my head and I think the one I’ve settled one is very much in line with this, hahaha.

5. I’M HYPERVENTILATING WITH THIS STEROLINE KISS OMG. I swear I felt butterflies, you wrote it so well :’) And YAS, because of course this would happen. Caroline trying to teach him what intimate is so that he doesn’t do it, and yet here he goes, his hand sliding up her spine, his fingers in her hair, his other hand around her waist to pull her to him, and then on her face. He couldn’t resist lol, he’s so whipped already. 

6. Sliding the pad of his thumb over the arc of flecks on her left cheek and causing a wash of butterflies to flutter through her/ His thumb swiped down to the mark just above the left corner of her mouth. The feather-light friction left a flare of warmth across her cheek, and her pulse skittered at his proximity to her lips, at how easily he could brush a fingertip over them: GIRL WTF, LIKE WTF.  Stefan can try all he wants, honestly, everyone knows he’s not going to be able to be “non-intimate” with her. Like, LOOK AT THEM. 

Her index finger traced a line from his right eyebrow to the jut of his cheekbone: GIRL WHAT GAME ARE YOU PLAYING. Can I just say how beautiful this moment of exploration and knowing each other was? And I love how flirty and idiotic and playful they were afterwards, like Stefan pretending to be offended and to want to pull away but not in the slightest. MOOD:

LIKE DO THEY REALIZE HOW HARD THEY’RE FALLING FOR EACH OTHER BECAUSE, MAN.

Also, I wanted to thank you because it’s been cute to see Caroline being nice to Stefan and not putting walls between them as she usually does. I’m proud of my baby.

A/N: LMAO just responding with a <3 to all of this. So, so happy you liked it. I knew some people were worried about how purely physical they were in 13 so I was like ‘how can I fast-track a little intimacy without going OOC’ and this was what I came up with, lololol. Just a sort of forbidden moment where all things go and intimacy is the whole point but it’s also a slippery slope because it’s messing so much with both of their heads, you know? So needless to say, I’m really glad it landed! They’re dumb, I don’t know why either of them ever thought that would help rather than hurt they’re ‘casual sex’ crusade buuuuut this is what comes out of my head. 

I’m really curious as to who is going to realize it first, like, you know, have this moment of realization, and if they’ll just follow what they feel or want to stop so it doesn’t continue. I’m fragile, I don’t want to suffer. 

Oh, and the fact that they have this constant need to mark what is intimate and non-intimate, and the whole contract thing, doesn’t that make them think that if they need all of that is maybe because they know they feel something deeper for each other even if they don’t want to say it aloud? I DON’T KNOW BUT I’M READY FOR ANYTHING THAT IS COMING FOR THESE TWO.

A/N: I think Christmas is going to be a key time for them in terms of coming to those realizations. Just like that first stretch of time apart, where the extenuating circumstances that brought them together are over and there’s no convenient excuse to see each other as much anymore, you know? That’s my predication. LMAO I honestly don’t know ‘cause chapters morph on me like crazy. 

And re: the recognizing needing rules = feelings, YOU’D THINK. Denial’s a hell of a drug, man. 

7. Does Bonnie really not notice anything or at this point she’s just pretending she doesn’t because I can’t believe it lol. By the way, I really loved this moment with the 3 of them. 

A/N: I think after three years of seeing Caroline and Stefan avoid each other and get super stilted anytime the other was around and just in general be entirely uninterested in the other’s existence, it’s going to take a lot for Bonnie to leap into ‘they’re hooking up’. Like as readers, we’re diving into the fic right when they’re starting something so we’re like Damon, we see it as super obvious. Bonnie has a whole three year history of them being allergic to each other that is kind of putting up a mental block, and on top of that, she’s sort of the main character of her own romantic debacle right now and that’s compromising a lot of her observational skills. I do think, though, that once it clicks in her head forreal, she’s going to immediately identify all the obvious af signs she missed and be outraged at herself.

8. Okay, first Stefan, now Bonnie. Like no wonder these two are besties. They even get jealous at the same time and over the same people, it’s hilarious. Damn crow, by the way -though I find the crows thing so hilarious, can they adopt one or something?-, but will the girls talk about Bonnie’s feelings for Damon? 

A/N: Eventually, for sure. They’ve both got other things they’re dealing with in 15, though. And LMAO they should, though for some reason I see those crows as like unfailingly loyal to Kai. 

6) Sixth part

Love of my liiiiife: I can’t with this guy. All of this comical moment was too much. Like, throwing her over his shoulder and just leaving the apartment; Bonnie with no shoes and calling him out; and they’re about to have dinner with Kai -and the fact that Damon uses like 100 nicknames for him lmfao-. This is going to be fun.

A/N: I think that’s a pretty good indication of the kind of energy the opening of that date’s going to have, so I’m super glad you’re looking forward to it!

7) Seventh part

For the sake of Stefan and Caroline, they really just need to have sex once and for all or they will die -and me too-. 

PLEASE TELL ME IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING IN CHAPTER 15 SO I CAN GET READY FOR MY DEATH. Also, any idea of when you will post it? Just a tentative idea?

A/N: Would not be unwise to start making funeral arrangements. And lmao, unfortunately I have kind of a crazy few weeks coming up, so probably in like three weeks at the earliest? I’ll try to make that, I know I left some pretty nasty cliffhangers in this chapter. 

And lastly, I saw someone is making an appearance, an “unexpected new guest”. Is he/she someone we know? A neighbor? Someone we don’t but that either Stefan or Caroline do? 

Yessss, the new guest mystery! You know them. They’ve been mentioned. Muahaha.

I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER. Let me tell you this one was one of my favorites and that I feel blessed and I’m gonna reread it like 100 times. Sorry for the super long review!

A/N: GIRL, never, I loved the super long review. Made my day! <3 I know this fic is largely fluff, but let me tell ya, fun as they are, these chapters end up being like 50-60+ pages on Word, so they definitely take quite a bit out of me and quite a bit of time for me to crank out. When I first post them, I never really have any idea what to think and just sort of wait to hear back on if this thing I just spent way too much time on (time that I do NOT have lololol) is any good, and you’d be surprised how long it usually takes to get any kind of feedback (I really think people think this fic is more popular than it is?), so neeeeeever apologize for leaving a long review. It’s like the best possible thing to get. Thanks so, so much for writing it, and I’ll make sure to start posting teasers for 15 soon!

[mountainsandmoose]

The Pressure to be Perfect

The Pressure to be Perfect

On St. Patrick’s Day 2019 I had the incredible honor of capturing Maggie + Erin’s special day!

In order to truly show how special and momentous this was for me, I need to back up.

I really jumped in head first with photography. I’ve never had a mentor or taken a class, and I’m 100% self taught. So in November 2017 I decided to really jump in. I did my first wedding for some sweet friends, and I had so much fun. I have always loved weddings, and I was super excited about finally getting to do one!

The problem, you ask? I am a freaking perfectionist. I am extremely hard on myself, always feel the need to be perfect. Yeah, well… when it’s your first time doing something you’re never going to be perfect. I had never used different lenses, didn’t understand flash, and forgot to factor in the time + light change thanks to daylight savings ending.

Whoops.

I loved the experience of photographing a wedding. I learned SO much. But the pressure of being perfect was overwhelming.

Weddings are scary. Period. There are so many moments that you literally have one shot to capture. You have to be on your game all the time. And these moments are literally the most important moments of the bride + groom’s life.

It’s casual.

Put simply, I didn’t know if I could handle the pressure. Even though I had a great experience with the first wedding, I doubted my abilities. I didn’t compare to the wedding photographers on Instagram, and I couldn’t handle feeling like I didn’t stack up. Weddings stressed me out.

Fast forward to 2019, and I got an email asking if I would do a small wedding. I’m not going to lie to y’all, I let that email sit in my inbox for what felt like forever. Upon reading it, my first reaction was, “nope. no way”.

I don’t know what made me change my mind. I talked to family and friends who assured me that I would do great. I didn’t believe them. But for some reason I changed my mind and agreed to do another wedding.

I circled the date on my calendar and then spent the next six weeks trying to ignore the date with “WEDDING” scrawled in bright red ink. I literally couldn’t even think about it without feeling like the room was closing in on me and wondering why my lungs stopped working. If someone brought it up, I broke into a sweat and tried to change the subject.

Yeah, thank goodness my clients couldn’t see that. Not exactly reassuring.

But before I knew it, the date was here. I did some research, rented lenses that would actually work with the space, and learned how to operate a flash. I looked up poses on Pinterest, packed my camera bag, and headed off.

I spent the day leading up to the wedding driving around aimlessly. I couldn’t sit at home, but I also couldn’t show up to the church five hours early (I did get there two hours early, but I managed to kill three hours by driving). I couldn’t eat because I felt like I was going to throw up, and I cried in my car because the Red Sox weren’t playing when I needed them to (helloooo crazy).

Then it was happening. I was at the church. I had my lenses, and my best friend came to help me out until the reception. I spent a good five minutes wondering how on earth I was going to edit these photos because I could not stop shaking and they would definitely come out blurry. And then I dove in.

I just started. I took pictures of everything. Anything to keep my mind occupied and reduce the risk of the photographer passing out before the wedding even started.

Once I started, everything else disappeared. The voice in my head telling me that I couldn’t do this finally shut up. I was focused, I was on my game, and I was actually enjoying this.

And y’all… I can’t even tell you how grateful I am that I said yes to another wedding.

I loved it. I love the photos. I have loved the editing process. I freak out over the photos and send them to literally anyone who I think will look at them. I even posted some on a podcast Facebook group (and then got mentioned in the podcast and just about LOST. MY. MIND).

Perfectionism is the enemy. It can hold you back from so much. And most of the time fear is lying to you. Nothing has ever been more obvious to me.

What is it that you’ve been putting off because of fear? Whatever it is, just know that I’m somewhere in the world screaming “GO FOR IT!”.

Take that leap. You’ll be so thankful when you finally tell fear to shove it.

I know I am.

[healthinputs]

11 Laws On Which Boring People Live

Psychologists are sure that if all your surroundings seem boring to you, and work does not bring pleasure, the reason is not in others, but in you. However, most people do not hurry to admit to themselves that they are mired in routine and become simply tedious. Of course, every person is more or less boring. But there are those who can safely be called a master of boredom at the 99th level, and they all share several common qualities, which we will tell you about. Today we expose all the bad habits of boring people. Read and keep abreast of the most unpleasant patterns of behavior, which can easily turn even the most cheerful person into a gray bore. 1. Do not let go of the phone Perhaps one of the most annoying habits of uninteresting people is the constant sticking in the phone. 89% of Americans admit that they are periodically distracted to the phone during a conversation. Most people, whose interlocutors are keen on the phone during a conversation, consider this communication boring and even rude. Polls conducted by researchers from the United States showed that in a conversation with a telephone-dependent person they feel offended and deprived, therefore, further communication is tried to minimize.     Put the phone aside - it's time to remember the real life. 2. They talk only about themselves People who speak only about themselves are the most terrible interlocutors. Of course, everyone sometimes wants to cry out, or, conversely, tell about their victories. But boring people do this all the time, they do not pay attention to those with whom they communicate, they are not interested in topics that do not concern them personally.     If you notice such weakness, try to introduce some restrictions: allocate 5 minutes for complaints, and spend the rest of the time talking on other topics. When the situation got out of hand and you've been talking only for yourself for half an hour, balance the conversation and ask the interlocutor about his affairs. Ability to empathy and active listening is the main quality of an interesting person. Do remember a good conversation is the one where you speak not more than 40% of the conversion. 3. They were not surprised

In today's world, with its frenzied rhythm, it's easy to become a cynic, become disillusioned with people and lose youthful dreams. Perhaps, we began to forget what it's like to be surprised by something, to open new perspectives, to enjoy trifles. Boring people are difficult to please - they have already seen it somewhere, no news will not delight them. Their life gradually becomes gray, all bright colors disappear, events lose their sharpness.     To combat boredom, psychologists recommend to include "beginner's thinking". Start learning something unexpected, communicate with strangers, every day rediscover the world. The ability to learn is a valuable gift, and one must not forget about it. 4. Self-Satisfied

Boring people are complacent and do not want to take risks, even if they know that this risk is justified. In fact, the refusal to leave the comfort zone is a byproduct of fear for their future and uncertainty about the future. Remember, as Shrek said: "There are no" we "and there is no" our ", there is only me and my swamp!" Sometimes we are all a little bit of Shrek. It's fear that prevents you from getting out of the usual ruts and destroying the walls built by yourself.     But listen, maybe it's behind these very walls that a beautiful princess awaits you (well, or a donkey). In any case, do not kill the interest in life - this is the main sign of boredom. 5. Do Not Read Books open up new worlds before us, and this is not a cliche. The more you read, the more you can talk. Boring people prefer not to learn anything new, their fantasy is poor, and conversations are the same. Studies show that regular reading trains a sense of empathy. It is the ability to empathize that makes a person a really good friend and interesting interlocutor.     If you decide to fight boredom through reading, follow these simple tips: read 14 books that are classics of literature and are known to everyone, then choose from some of the best-selling books. We are sure that you will be drawn in and will not notice how reading will take you by the head. 6. Surrounded by uninteresting people

At boring people and an environment uninteresting are casual interlocutors which do not unite the general interests and the purposes. In fact, this environment is alien to them. But in the absence of better options have to communicate with unnecessary people.     Try to communicate with those people whose interests are really close to you. Attend events where you can meet like-minded people, look for new acquaintances through the Internet - opportunities for new exciting meetings are waiting literally at every step. 7. A lot of people think about what impression is produced on others What distinguishes charismatic people from boring ones? There are many variants of the answer, but the main difference is naturalness. Boring people are too concerned about what impression is produced on others, they often rush from one extreme to the other. They are afraid to be funny, then unnaturally have fun, trying to attract attention. In his book "Myths about Charisma" talented coach and speaker Olivia Kabayn argues that charisma and attractiveness are not innate qualities, they can be developed. First and foremost, it is necessary to become warmer to others and in conversation to think not so much about yourself as about the interlocutor.   Exhale. Happy and confident people do not care how to please everyone. Be natural, do not be afraid to seem ridiculous or ridiculous. Humor can melt even the icy heart and make communication more interesting. 8. Speech templates are used in conversation Boring people lead boring conversations. And all because of speech patterns and repetitive scripts. They ask the same questions and get the same answers. In such a conversation there is nothing personal, it does not touch the interlocutor, it is a pure formality. The author of the book "The Eighth Skill" and the world-class specialist on leadership issues Stephen Covey recommends respecting the partner's personality and talking about what is important to him.     Begin to ask questions that really matter to the interlocutor and help him open up. Go away from the usual "How are you?" Ask your friend what really bothers him. 9. They say slowly and tiresomely

Studies have shown that people who tell stories for a very long time are boring. Remember the long lectures on which the teacher could spend hours circling about the same topic, although the students understood him for a long time. Probably everyone has a friend who, for so long and monotonously tells jokes and jokes, that by the end of the narrative you already forget what was in the beginning.     Do not get caught in a sticky trap of monotony, short and bright stories are the best remedy for a boring conversation. 10. Afraid to dream about the future

Boring people are deprived of imagination. They simply can not or do not want to dream about the future, make plans. However, one of the main qualities of an interesting interlocutor and easy in all human senses is the ability to think broadly and freely. And the absence of significant desires does not allow you to realize your dreams into reality, psychologists are sure. If a person does not care about his own prospects, if he is not interested in his own future, what interest does he have for others?     If you do not dream, then you simply can not make your dreams a reality. Imagine your life as you want it to be, and boldly follow the goal. 11. Strive for excellence People who are stuck in their comfort zone desperately seek to order everything that surrounds them. They follow the rituals that they invented, make sure that everything around them is correct and predictable. Researchers from the University of Kent argue that perfectionism can take antisocial forms - people just do not want to communicate with those who put unattainable goals not only for themselves but for others. Perfectionists are often demanding and ruthless towards their relatives.     Relax and let a little bit of spontaneity into your life. There is no ideal order, and events sometimes develop not according to plan. Read the full article