#( this is me spraying them with water )

[canisalbus]

That juice box ask is so right. Machete will definitely shrivel into dust if he does not have his daily H2O intake.

.

[lennsart]

Most of the wips I write these days can be summarized by "Legend gets hurt in fucked-up ways, and then he gets hugs" :)

(I'm fine shhh)

But I had this sitting in my drafts, and it's like the comfort part to a hurt/comfort, except I didn't like the hurt part, so posting this probably doesn't make sense, but.. I just wanted the boys to hug

Context + snippet under the cut !

Basically, Legend has been abducted for ransom (I think it was inspired by a whumptober prompt) and he didn't have a stellar time there. The rest of the chain rescues him, but they're worried he'll wake up confused at night, so they decide to watch over him. And they're supposed to take turn, but they all kinda end up sleeping next to him :)

Have this little Four POV that I quite like and feels like it can be posted without context :

Four expected to see two people in the room. One awake, that he would be about to replace, and the other asleep, that he would watch.

He hadn't expected three sleeping dudes.

He had to pause and go back to the hallway to laugh, muffling his chuckles in his sleeve. Of course Sky would have wanted to hug Legend and would have fallen asleep. Of course Hyrule would have let them, and promptly fallen asleep as well.

When he came back in and carefully closed behind him, he noticed with fondness that Legend, at least, looked perfectly content. He was sleeping on his back, Sky hugging his right arm, and he held Hyrule's hand with his left.

The traveler was mostly on the ground, head and arms on the mattress. Four winced ; that couldn't be comfortable.

Alright, he gave up (as if he hadn't as soon as he noticed them). He'd watch them three sleep, if only to gush about how cute they were tomorrow.

(He hoped Wind would bring his pictobox for his turn of watch in the morning.)

He got on Hyrule's side, and gently nudged him. This one hummed sleepily.

" - Shh, don't wake them up. " Four whispered. " Hop in.

- What...? " the traveler asked in confusion.

Four bit back a laugh at how asleep he sounded.

" - Get in the bed. " he ordered.

Hyrule may not really understand what was happening, but he didn't need to be told twice. He climbed in, wincing when he moved his legs, and abandoned Legend's hand to hug his waist, resting his head on his stomach.

The veteran softly hummed, but didn't fully wake up.

Four sat on one of the scarce empty spots of the bed, giggling to himself. He was happy that this watch had taken such a sweet turn ; he had expected to get lost in his own mind, trying to understand how they could have let one member of their group go through that. 

...

Instead, he had three sleepyheads cuddling, and he would trade for nothing in the world.

The last free spot on the mattress, above Hyrule and next to Lege, was probably too small for someone to sleep there.

...Well. He was small too, and mostly slept curled up anyway.

But, no ! He had decided he'd stay awake. No matter how comfortable those three looked, no matter how much he'd like to hug the vet, too, he would fulfill his mission.

Legend's hand opened and closed in his sleep, and he extended it further. Four blinked, and reached with his left hand. 

In a second, he was trapped, Legend satisfied with the hand he found and holding tight onto it.

...

Alright, that wouldn't be comfortable to stay sitting in this condition. Plus Legend looked like he wanted the smith to stay, and his goal had always been to watch for him, right ?

He curled up in the little free spot, his hand still in Legend’s, and definitely did not fall asleep in a matter of minutes.

[thetorturedbolter]

i’m starting a petition for dan and phil to play innuendo bingo on the gaming channel because that shit was hilarious (bonus points if they use clips from their own videos)

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

this is why everyone is against you tumblr staff

[wonhes]

y’all my eye is twitching! i wanna post chapter 14 so bad

[spoofyleaf]

Having my dentist say “you need root canals… in ALL of your teeth!” in the most Cartoon Mad Scientist way he could wasn’t something I expected, but something I’m glad I heard bc bro what

[candyredappledragon]

Which of your Pokémon is the silliest

..probably dragonite now that i think about it. pops out of the pokeball randomly when i least expect it. he once spooked me so badly that i fainted. he felt sorry about it...just a bit.

second in place would be politoed or furret.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the thing they don't warn you about freshly pierced ears is the Sleep Anxiety

[skitskatdacat63]

2023 Qatar Grand Prix - Podium - Oscar Piastri

[szethsmom]

God I hope I get the chance to spray raccoons with a hose

[sunlitmiracle]

smashes my current interest together with my old interest (aka yet another "what Dungeon Meshi but Gamers?" AU)

Once when I was a child I had a complete crying meltdown over Creatures, because the manual insisted that the complicated AI of the Norns made them truly alive and 10-year-old me was freaked out at the idea of being solely responsible for making sure these real animals wouldn't die. The funny part was that this was the Playstation version of Creatures, which has no biochemistry and very basic AI compared to the PC/Mac games where players actually were debating whether or not it was true artificial life. A PSX manual gave me existential dread and it wasn't even telling the truth.

Anyway, kid!Marcille would also have a meltdown over the Creatures series, especially if she had the computer games and got to see how vastly different some breeds' lifespans are. Like in C2 where you have Norns that live for around 5 hours and Norns that live for 10, both of which are vastly more than Ettins who don't even live for 1.5 hours (and usually less due to radiation or starvation).

Lucky for her, having the computer version means she could download modified genomes made by other players that make creatures live longer or even outright remove certain death triggers. However I think she'd have more fun learning to read and edit the genomes herself, to get a better understanding of how the game works and how to change it to suit her own tastes. And because she could pretend she's one of the mysterious ancient Shee who created the Norns, Grendels, and Ettins and then vanished, leaving behind relics of their old society.

(Speaking of Grendels, she would unfortunately dislike them because they're the Designated Evil Species and she'd hate how they harass and attack her Norns. I think she'd also pity them though, because they get sick a lot and have short lifespans. Likely she'd just end up downloading/creating a genome without the aggression towards Norns. Ettins she'd like except for in C3 when they dismantle her meticulously-placed gadget setups, so she might mod out their hoarding compulsions too. Both of them would of course also live for however long her Norns would live.)

Also. While standard creatures' lifespans are counted in hours, if you modify the half-lives in the genome editor you can increase it to centuries. Or even just over a millennium if you set the half-lives to their max length (assuming you also leave the old age death trigger at its vanilla value).

and I like to think that elven Creatures players would pass around copies of what they consider a template genome that's appropriate to their own lifespans. Something that would make their creatures live for weeks or months of continuous play. I also like to think the Creatures DS Warp is still active in this AU because of the hilarious frustration when these long-lived Norns travel to worlds run by short-lived players whose Norns have vanilla lifespans, and vice versa.

(Most of the time in Creatures, offspring of parents with different lifespans will just have one or the other, but there's a chance the genes cross over right in the middle of the various age triggers and cause unstable aging rates. Like a Norn that goes through the childhood stages in hours but then has a very extended adulthood. Or a days-long childhood followed by suddenly dropping dead of old age once the vanilla adulthood genes kick in. Or, if the child has one parent's half-life decay rate and the other parent's age triggers, all sorts of odd things could happen. I once had hybrid Norns who lived for 20 hours and would die of organ failure before reaching the old age threshold!)

(Now that I think of it, Marcille would absolutely hate fast-agers. The first time she watches a creature hatch, turn old, and die in just one brief minute of life, she would be sobbing for days. One of the first things she'd learn to mod out would be mutations that cause the Ageing/Life chemical to decrease unusually fast.)

On a lighter note, while I don't know what her favorite designs would be I think she'd love choosing cute breeds to use in her world. Once she figured out how to give her creatures the comfortable life she wants them to have I can see her redirecting all her gene-editing efforts into changing color expressions. She might even learn to sprite or model her own custom designs.

[winemom-culture]

So today the black widow came back out from hiding to sit on its web and I was like hell yeah, ready for death when the pest guys get here but I was updating my mom on the whole saga in the meantime before they got there and she said something like “poor spider…. Just because you moved into her home 😔” and that made me cry about the dumb fucking spider like no exaggeration and as im sitting there literally blubbering the pest guys pull the fuck up and I see it out my window and RUN to the bathroom to put makeup under my eyes and I get the door and lead them to the garage and in two seconds they take their big fucking stick tool and OBLITERATE it like deadass no corpse they atomized it LOOOOOL. So at that point I pretty much had to be over it. so they brush down all its fucking egg sacs and after they leave I go out there to like spray those with more raid so we don’t have thousands black widow spiderlings and after all this what must have been the goddamn male (much smaller, different colorings, no fat ass) crawls up out from the corner of the garage too and I just douse that fucker from a few feet away cause I’m so over the spider saga so I guess after everything I did kill a widow myself. I feel like the males don’t count tho it wasn’t nearly as scary looking. Ummmm sooooo yeah that’s my life thanks for tuning in

[pixlokita]

Me: -cleaning cabinet doors- god this is taking forever.

Me: oh but we’re missing one at least I don’t have to clean it.

Me:

Me: WAIT-

[t-lostinworlds]

me temporarily placing garlic around the place bc it's a cockroach repellent apparently: but what if a vampire wants to visit :((

[novemberthorne]

and.... another preview. because theyre cracking me the fuck up

(nsfw)

“Maybe I’m not like most guys,” he says, tone flat and a little standoffish. Eddie reads between the lines. Drop the subject.

“No, you’re not,” he agrees, voice dropping down a little darker. “Are you new in town?”

Steve looks at him, and with a quick glance to his side, Eddie can tell he’s grinning again.

“It’s hilarious that you’re trying to make small-talk with me while you’re hard as a fucking rock.”

“I’m trying to make small talk because I’m hard as a rock, dude.”

“Actually, that's even funnier,” Steve says casually.

It doesn’t escape Eddie’s notice that he’s avoiding answering the question again. But that’s fine. If he wants a no strings attached one night stand, Eddie can be that for him.

Then, he feels a hand on his leg.

He pretends not to notice at first. Tries to make a point of focusing on driving, but Steve is not the kind of problem to go away if you ignore him.

Because he slides his hand further up, and unlike Eddie, he doesn’t seem to have any respect for road safety.

He feels Steve’s hand push up against his crotch; the edge of his palm and his pinky finger are pressing like a hard line against Eddie’s balls and the base of his dick. It makes his breath hitch, and he looks over at Steve in a panic.

“Steve.”

He gets a look of doe-eyed innocence back. “Yeah?”

“You wouldn’t.”

Only, he shouldn’t have fucking said that, because Steve’s playful little smile turns cruel. Like Eddie just issued him a challenge.

[solarpunkani]

Laying in bed wishing I was in a field full of milkweed collecting seeds