#( third one: WHAT THE FUCK IS A VALENTINE AND WHY AM I GETTING THEM MIKE )

[choosingfreedom-a]

✉ :')

@cfdevotion || meme. || accepting.

     [ text: mike - unsent ] look i know it’s late as fuck and you’re probably asleep      but if i came to your place right now would you let me in

     [ text: mike - unsent ] you’ve known erwin for ages, right? so tell me. has he      always had a stick up his ass or is that a recent thing?

     [ text: mike - unsent ] okay this is humiliating but can you explain to me what      the fuck you’re supposed to do when someone gives you a “valentine” because      this is new fucking territory for me

     [ text: mike - unsent ] so i realize i come across as an asshole pretty much all      the time but. i just wanted to say that. well. when i was a kid, i saw some fucked      up shit, and. i didn’t really talk much for a while after that. and eventually there      was no one to talk to anyway and once i finally got some people who cared, i      realized i didn’t know how the fuck to put what i meant into words. so. what i’m      saying here is that it’s nice to have someone who doesn’t make me try to explain     myself. which is what i’m doing right now and as you can see i’m really shitty at     it and this is not working fuck i’m deleting this

     [ text: mike - unsent ] you’d better fucking answer this they’re saying you’re      missing and i swear to god if you got yourself killed i’m gonna

     [ text: mike - delivered ] heard you’re sick. hange and i are coming over with      food and meds. i swear to god if you’re trying to do work when we get there      i’m kicking your ass.

[msmarvelouswinchester]

Last First Kiss

Summary - Jensen finally lets his feelings towards you known but it doesn't get the reaction he had anticipated.

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader, Jensen x OFC!Jessica (brief)

Characters - Jared Padalecki, Gen Padalecki, OMC Mark, OMC Luke, OFC Jessica

Warnings - Fluff, Insecurities, Bad dates, Implied smut, Language, Angst-ish, happy ending

Square Filled - Valentines Day ( @anyfandomgoesbingo ) Jared Padalecki ( @spndeanbingo )

Word Count - 2262

A/N - Written for my 500 Followers challenge

Request by @akshi8278 - Hi, once again congratulations on your 500 followers. 🥳🎉 Could you write number 23 and 25 for Jensen. It could be fluff/ smut, whatever you want. Thank you 😊 (I added a little bit of angst for the course of the story. Hope you like it!)

This is also a submission to @negans-lucille-tblr' 6k Roll The Dice Challenge

Unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine. Prompts are in bold.

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

You trudged down the empty hallway, your body slumped with exhaustion and feet hurting from wearing the ridiculously high heels to impress a man who never showed up. The silence in the empty halls was deafening unlike the crowded diner which was buzzing with lovestruck couples on the fine evening of Valentine’s Day. When you reached his door, you were barely hanging in there. Hesitantly, you knocked twice, immediately cursing yourself for fucking up his Valentines Day as well.

“Y/N?” Jensen tilted his head in confusion at your dejected state. “What happened?”

“I am done with dating.” A stray tear rolled down your cheek as you replied. Jensen pursed his lips as he opened the door wider to let you in. He threw an arm over your shoulder, guiding you towards the couch.

“Mike was a douchebag.” He said, as you plopped down on the blue couch.

“His name is Mark.” You rolled your eyes at him, “I dressed up all for nothing. I am done trying to find the perfect man. I will get a cat and become a cat lady. At least it will show up when we have a cat date with cat food and pizza.”

“You can't just swore off dating because Macaroni didn't show up.” Jensen smirked. “You just haven't met the right person yet.”

“I got stood up thrice within a span of two months. I surely know how to pick them.”

“Sweetheart, I'm so sorry but I know you'll definitely meet the right person. It's just a matter of time.” He rubbed your arm as you snuggled closer to him. “Should we order takeout? I am starving.”

“Mhm. I wouldn't mind some chinese. I'm sorry that I fucked up your plans for the night.” You said.

“I didn't exactly have anything better to do. Spending time with you is much better than third wheeling Jared and Gen.” He chuckled.

“What am I doing wrong, Jay? Something is definitely wrong with me or the entire male population is a douchebag.” You sighed, as Jensen took out his phone to place an order in your favourite Chinese restaurant.

“Y/N/N, nothing's wrong with you and there are good men out there in the world.” He said.

“They are all taken.” You replied, nonchalantly.

“I'm not.” Jensen said and your heart skipped a beat at his words.

“Maybe I was too blind to notice it,” you wanted to say instead you blurted out, “You're my best friend, Jensen.”

His hands dropped to the side as he visibly tensed up. An unbearable silence followed the awkward conversation. You could barely look at the actor beside you who was staring off into the distance, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Fortunately you were both saved from further conversation by the delivery guy.

You bit down on your lip to stop the yawn that was threatening to leave as you pretended to listen to the man in front of you complain about his work life. You hummed along to the man’s words as your mind reeled back to that night at Jensen's house. You still didn't know why you didn't speak about your true feelings. Even though his little confession didn't break you two up, whenever you used to hang out, a discomfort lingered in the air and so you had ditched the weekly movie night the day before.

After another painfully long hour, your extremely bad date came to a very fortunate end. As a sign of politeness, you had agreed with Luke, your date, when he had offered to drop you at your doorstep. With no promises for a second date, you had left Luke’s car after successfully dodging his attempt at a kiss. You sprinted across the usually empty hallway and found yourself in front of Jensen's room. You knocked at his door.

“So I was on a date and oh god, time wasn't passing by at all! Luke was such a boring guy. I surely do know how to pick the guys- and I'm so sorry I didn't come yesterday for our weekly movie night-” You rambled on as soon as Jensen opened the door without giving him a chance to pitch in his two cents.

“It's okay.” He finally spoke but his words were soon forgotten when you saw the half-naked brunette standing behind him, glaring at you.

“I'm sorry,” You turned your attention to the man in front and noticed the swollen lips, tousled hair and his unbuttoned jeans, “I didn't know you had company.”

“Next time try to call before you barge in complaining about yet another bad date.” Jensen grumbled, rolling his eyes before he shut his door to your face. You stared at the closed door, crestfallen as tears started to pool in your eyes. You made your way back to your room which was on the next floor in the same apartment building all the while wondering if your insecurities had really messed up a good friendship.

Jensen had neither heard nor seen you since he had closed the door on your face. He winced every time he remembered how rudely he had pushed you out of his apartment when Jessica was over. He was finally trying to move on since now he knew how you felt. Jensen was definitely hurt when you made it clear that you didn't reciprocate his feelings but he didn't hate you. You were still his best friend so it hurt when you had started to distance yourself from him, even ditching him on your weekly movie night. All that bottled up frustration had turned into anger when you had knocked on his door the next night to complain about your boring date but he still regretted the way he had told you off.

“Is Y/N going to come to Gen’s party?” Jared asked his tv brother during one of the takes.

“I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself?” Jensen snapped as he went back to reading his script.

“What happened?” The hazel eyed actor frowned at his friend's behaviour.

“I haven't talked to her in weeks nor have I seen her.” Jensen grumbled.

“You two are like the Siamese twins and now you are saying you haven't even talked to her? Dude, what happened?” Jared asked. “Maybe you should talk to her.” He said after Jensen opened up about what happened.

“I have called her. Dozens of times. She is not picking up.” He scoffed.

“Gen is going to invite her I suppose. Maybe you can talk to her then.” Jared shrugged as they were called back on to set.

Jared was right about everything. You were invited to Gen’s backyard birthday party and so was Jensen. You had hesitated before you finally made up your mind to go to the Padaleckis' because you knew someday you had to face Jensen. When you had returned home that night, you had realised why no one was ever good enough for you since the perfect person for you was right in front of you but your insecurities had made you blind. You knew you had missed your chance when you had caught him with the brunette but what hurt more was when he shoved you out of his apartment.

Jensen had called you a dozen times but you hadn't picked up. You didn't know what to say and the longer you stayed away from him, your feelings for him grew stronger so instead you started to avoid him like plague, trying your best to move on.

The clinking sound of bottles behind you pulled you out from your deep thought.

“Hey.” Jensen awkwardly said.

“Hi.” You returned the same awkwardness.

“You weren't picking up my calls. I'm sorry for the other night.” He said, his gaze quickly dropping to the floor.

“It's all right.”

“No it's not. Then you wouldn't have avoided me.” He said. “I know things have been awkward since that night but no hard feelings. It's perfectly okay if you don't feel the same. I just want my best friend back.”

“I do feel the same.” You muttered quietly which made him look up to you. Jensen stared at you dumbfounded.

“Then why didn't you tell me?” He finally said.

“I panicked. I got scared because you know me, I don't do well with men and I thought if we didn't work out, I would lose you.” Your lips trembled ever so lightly as you stared into his green eyes.

“You won't ever lose me.” Jensen walked up to you, “Even if things don't work out relationship-wise. I will always be your best friend.”

“I don't wanna lose you. You're my person, Jay. So I lied not realising that I had pushed you away myself.” You said.

“I will always be your person just like you're mine but I can't fight this feeling anymore. I think I'm in love with you and I don't know what to do.” He said while walking up to you.

“Maybe you do know now.” He leaned down, cupping your face, his lips hovering over yours. You closed your eyes, feeling his hot breath fan against your skin but then you felt him pull back. You opened your eyes as you saw him stare at you with a look of regret in his eyes.

“I can't.” Jensen sighed.

“Why?”

“I have a girlfriend.” You gaped at him, heart broken into millions of pieces. Before Jensen could get another word out, you fled the scene.

“Hey Y/N.” Gen beamed. “Are you going home already?”

“Yeah I think I'm coming down with something. Sorry Gen. Happy birthday, again.” You said and wasted no time to get into your car and quickly drove back to your home.

Jensen had repeatedly called you since you had fled the Padaleckis’ house but you hadn't picked up. The first two days you had hardly left your house. You had been sobbing uncontrollably. You had bared your heart and soul to the man you had fallen head over heels only to get your heart broken.

You were lying on your couch, watching a sappy romantic movie when you heard a knock on your door. Pausing the movie midway you got up to open the door.

“Hi.” The green eyed man spoke quiet as when you opened the door. The sight of him brought tears to your eyes again. He was carrying a box of chocolate and a bottle of wine. “I would have brought flowers but I know how sad you get when they start to wilt.”

“What're you doing here?”

“I heard a guy hurt my best friend so I'm here with chocolates and wine.” He smirked. You snatched the box of chocolates from his hands as you held the door wide open.

“Sappy romantic comedy? Oh sweetheart, want me to kick the guy's ass? He deserves it. No one hurts my best friend.” He said as he pulled you into a tight hug. The intoxicating smell of his cologne finally breaking you. “I'm so sorry.”

“I'm so sorry too.” You sniffled as you looked up at him. “Our timings sucked.”

“It did. Can we start afresh?” Jensen smiled.

“What about your girlfriend? I don't wanna be your ‘slutty mistress’.” You said, quoting Grey’s Anatomy which made him chuckle.

“I broke up with her. I tried to date other girls to keep you off my mind but there wasn't a single damn second when you didn't cross my mind because I am totally, completely, hopelessly in love with you.” He grinned as he leaned down to kiss your cheek.

“I am in love with you too, Jay.” You said, “Kiss me.” Jensen dropped his head as he leaned into you, capturing your lips with his. His hands travelled all the way down your body before stopping at your waist. He gripped you tightly and pulled you closer, your hands landed on his biceps as you tried to steady yourself. His teeth grazed your lips lightly, making you moan into his mouth. Your hands left his biceps, hooking themselves at the nape of his neck, your fingers tugging at his hair, eliciting a groan out of him.

“Are you trying to turn me on or are you just that oblivious?” He growled into your ear.

“Is it working?” You smirked. Jensen growled once more into your ear before pulling away from you. He effortlessly picked you up, your legs hooking behind him as he went towards the bedroom.

Panting hard you tried to come down from your high as you felt him go soft before he pulled out. He placed a chaste kiss on your lips and rolled off to the side. His chest heaved as he tried to control his breathing, a soft smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Lost in an euphoric state, you didn't notice when Jensen had left the bed to get a cloth to clean you up. After a few minutes, he returned back to bed. You laid there in his arms, naked, basking in the afterglow of what was actually the best sex of your life. Jensen was tracing tiny, imperfect circles on your arm as a sigh of contentment left his lips. Your back flushed against his chest, smiling, you spoke.

“We might be each other’s last first kiss.” You turned towards, kissing the corner of his mouth.

“No more bad dates. No more bad first kisses. You're mine.” Jensen whispered.

“You're it. You're my person. My world is a better place with you in it.” You said, snuggling against his warm chest. “I love you.”

Feedback is highly appreciated!

[days-of-storm]

Okay, here goes. Be warned. Whatever you think happens, it’s worse.

Disclaimer: This is not a translation, but a summary with comments, which means it is fair use. There are very few quotes, but they are marked as such. Opinions are @mazarin221b’s and mine. We claim no ownership over the content, so do with this what you will.

Trigger/content warnings for: violence, non-con/dub-con, rape, manipulation, blood, and a complete disregard for physics or how cars work (also swearing, from our side). If you have any affection for book-Ram, it will be entirely gone after reading this. So please be mindful. It’s bad. He’s an utter, utter asshole in this.

Edit: because people asked: This is from the real book - not fanfic. We both bought the book and translated the final chapter to the best of our abilities. However, this isn’t the entire word-by-word translation (for copyright reasons), but a detailed summary.

Everything of this is below the cut to spare those who don’t want to read this. Here we go: Space Ch. 30

Okay, so, King has been planting Jasmine until 5 am and is tired and Ram won’t stop kissing him (and possibly doing more) even though King explicitly asks him not to (it’s unclear what happens to King, I think he hurt his hands? In any case, he’s complaining about hurting and Ram seems to have caused it). Ram justifies it by saying he’s so in love with him. He also claims that he has changed and wants to be sweeter.

Then there’s a bit about Ram’s father, with whom he gets along splendidly after the “blowout” and even though his mother wanted to break up with him after Ram told her about the cheating on Valentine’s Day (WTF) but he basically sweettalked her into taking him back. He claims he’s super sorry and changed.

Apparently, Ram also likes his dad because he gets to borrow his Benz when he wants to take King out *eyeroll*

Then Ram says that he’s super jealous and he doesn’t regret it and doesn’t want to change. So, when he’s out with King he’s jealous of literally everyone. Ughhhh

They have plans to eat at Ram’s parents’ place that night.

King is super busy in his third year, so they don’t get to spend much time together.

Ram is at campus (possibly reading King’s notes about him in a notebook? It’s not clear what he’s reading, apparently things King wrote down when he was flirting with him, but he’s turned on). He meets up with Phu for class and then is asked by one of King’s classmates if he’s still going out with King and whether King is still seeing Mike.

Turns out the guy saw a “golden headed boy” at the mall …apparently several times.

Ram says that Mike is in England, but he starts to feel doubtful.

The guy then tells Ram that he had lunch at the mall and saw King and Mike together.

He sends a text to King, asking where he is, and he answers that he’s at a department store.

Then Ram finds very recent (as of, minutes ago)paparazzi photos of Mike and King, looking like a couple, and he’s hitting the table and rushing out of class. He’s racing through traffic (like the idiot he is), cutting off other cars, reflecting on how angry he is (ughhhh, Ram why), like, he’s saying in four different ways how furious he is with King.

He gets to the mall and finds them in a restaurant. King is resting his head on Mike’s shoulder, they whisper together and Mike kisses King on the cheek. Ram rushes in and begins thrashing him. Mike calls him crazy and kicks him, but Ram just continues, and even though King tries to break them up, they keep punching each other.

King threatens to break up with Ram if he doesn’t stop. Ram grabs him and pulls him outside while King asks what is wrong and why he punched Mike. As soon as he stopped speaking, Ram kisses him hard enough to draw blood (fucking hell what is wrong with you). He also doesn’t care whether anyone sees them, because he’s just that damned angry (and that clearly excuses everything ughhh).

King gets into the car, and Ram follows him, straddling (?) him and ripping at his shirt, literally ripping all the buttons off it. Then he pulls down King’s trousers and pants, against his explicit protest.

Then he’s trying to prepare him (I guess lube doesn’t feature here, same as consent) – and King again tells him to stop, and actually cries out, and clasps Ram’s arm hard enough to leave a mark. (Quote: "Damn Ram! Take it out!”). Ram shuts him up with a kiss. And then Ram just decides that he’s prepared King enough and fucks him (“Ram did not delay to fill King with anger” fucking hell), even though King tells him it hurts. But then they both moan (fuck that, honestly), and Ram reflects on how sweet he finds that, and then just anger-fucks him (and he can’t see King’s face because there isn’t room and his face is pressed against his chest and honestly, how did he go from straddling King to fucking him in the driver’s seat!?). He also marks every bit of King’s skin he can reach because he’s feeling so possessive while he anger-fantastises about King’s leg around Mike’s neck/shoulders (guess he’s fantasising about King having sex with Mike).

And then they both come and King is furious? And afterwards, Ram keeps going? King tells Ram to stop, but Ram kind of says he’s not done yet/is hard again?

And then there are some completely bonkers car acrobatics happening and he looks up (I think he’s kissing King’s neck and ears?) and sees that something is wrong with the skin behind King’s ear. “Can’t you see it’s a tattoo?” (bless your heart, King) King is crying. (Well done, fuckhead)

Ram finally stops (and sits cross legged while they are “still connected” the fuck, Ram, also, how do cars work?). He asks him how and when he got it done and when King doesn’t answer he fucks him again, and then he asks him when he is going to leave him to live with Mike. King tells him to pull out, Ram refuses.

King tells him that Mike is a tattoo artist. Ram seems to recall to have heard something about that before, and asks why King was going out with him.

King explains that they had a deal. If King goes out with Mike and he gets to hold his arm, he would tattoo him for free and without much pain (however the hell that is supposed to work). Then he tells Ram again to pull out.

Ram doesn’t.

Then they talk about how bad of a fighter Mike is (?) and Ram claims that King knew he would be jealous and that his reaction was only to be expected. As his atonement, Ram makes them both come again (ughhhh why is this so bad?!).

Afterwards, Ram feels better, calmer, and drives them home without cutting off other cars (*Nancy Pelosi slow clap*)

They get home and Ram lays King down on the bed, and has thoughts about how much King had sweat during the day, but how he’s still smelling of Jasmine. He kisses the tattoo, even though it’s still red/sore (but not as bad as his own was when he got King’s name tattooed) and admits that Mike is a really good tattooist.

And then King turns around and said “Happy birthday” and hands him a present and Ram is like WHAT it’s my birthday I completely forgot (because clearly nobody would call you for your birthday, Ram. Well, I guess you are a rapist, so you deserve that … blergh, why is this story so bad?!). King says he wanted to buy him a gift at the mall but he didn’t have the chance after what happened and that he should consider the tattoo of Ram’s name behind his ear his gift. Then he kisses Ram and Ram blushes. Then King tells him to get ointment because he is hurting (you fucking did that, Ram!). Ram apologises (not fucking good enough, asshole).

Then King asks Ram whether he knows the meaning of the tattoo and Ram guesses and says, “I love you?” and King says “no, it means we love each other”. Then Ram reflects on the fact that King is possibly the only person who will ever love him (yeah, because it turns out King is an idiot after all and you don’t deserve him). Then there’s a reflection on how close he wants to be … until there is *drumroll* no more space between them. (*yawn*). “P’King is my present” (no he fucking isn’t).

Then they are at Ram’s parents, I guess, for his birthday party (that is almost a surprise because he really actually forgot about it, for realz).

Then there’s a bit where they sit down and eat and (again) King still hasn’t learned to eat properly and there’s something at the corner of his mouth and when Ram tells him, he asks him to wipe it away, but instead Ram leans over to lick it away. King rebukes him and tells him to “take your face away”, Vera! (you tell him, King!).

Then Ram asks for a kiss and King tells him off, saying he wants to leave (?). Ram asks if he wants to leave so they can have sex. King is shocked that Ram is saying something like that in his house (presumably with his family present???). Ram says they all know they are together and that he’s not sorry.

Then King’s phone rings and it’s Mike. Ram picks up. King tells him to be nice, because he was wrong about him. Ram realises that Mike has become fluent in Thai and Ram remarks that he feels bad that he learned Thai so he could communicate with him (WTF Ram, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Mike doesn’t give a shit about you). “Why are you calling?”

“I’m missing King.”

“Do you want to get punched?” (class act, that Ram Vera)

Mike tells Ram that King loves him and that he loves him so much he did the one thing he was scared of for him and that he really shouldn’t make him sad (THANK YOU MIKE! FUCK YOU, Ram!)

Then there’s a bit about just HOW WELL the party is going and lots of people come and eventually it’s time for Ram to cut the cake. Ram is irritated that people are filming it and he’s asking if they are going to sing. They tell him to make a wish and that he shouldn’t say it out loud for it to come true.

So, he blows out the candles and then everything is dark, and he grabs King’s neck and kisses him.

Ram: “I want P’King to love me forever!

King: “That’s something you don’t have to wish for, haha!”

THE END

(Mazarin’s comment: AND THANK FUCK THATS OVER, JESUS CHRIST)

(My comment: WHAT THE FUCK WHO ENDS A NOVEL ON HAHA?!)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #341

“anger, misery, you’ll suffer unto me”

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? I don't think so. Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No, and I never would. Grow up. Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? No. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yeah; guilt would eat me alive otherwise. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? Fucking ew, no. Have you ever held back a well-deserved compliment because you were jealous? No. Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? Ugh, no. Would most people consider you better than average looking? Ha, no. For yourself, would you rather have a perfect body or high IQ? Give me the perfect body, living in my horrible one has affected my mental health badly enough. I'm fine with having a moderate IQ. I just want to feel happy in my own skin. Have you ever embarrassed some intentionally in public? Wow, no. Have you ever used a false ID? Also no. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm embarrassed to tell people I don't HAVE a job. Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I don't. I'm sure it was RP-related and not friendly, but I don't remember the exact convo. Have you ever got a D or F on your report card? I want to say no; I think the lowest I ever got was a C. If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? Ugh, no. I'm sorry if you're into it, but I'm just not. I would want to ensure they knew their uniqueness and individuality was seen. Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? There's a large number of those kinds of people. What brings out the worst in you? Probably when I'm building up towards a PTSD meltdown. I get VERY short and snappy and am convinced everyone hates and wants to leave me. My mouth also has NO fucking leash, and I know I can say very mean things that I'll regret later. What do you prefer, Skittles or Starbursts? Skittles. Mike & Ikes or Jolly Ranchers? Jolly Ranchers for sure. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Waffles (with syrup). Don't knock it 'til you try it, I'm telling you. What are some wild animals commonly found where you live? Besides birds obviously, there's squirrels, deer, opossums, raccoons... Have you ever had a lucid dream? I think I've had just one. What's your biggest problem at the moment? Probably my anxiety having stunted my growth in so many areas. Have you ever turned down a job offer? I don't think so, no. What's the longest hospital stay you've had? For what? I think my longest was almost two months for suicidal thoughts. Two months might sound long, but it was like... my third or so psych hospital stay for that same reason. What's something really basic that you're terrible at? Even the most simple math. I don't even know the majority of my elementary multiplication tables. Have you ever hugged someone for over a minute? Yeah. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? I have one there already, but I plan on getting it covered because it was an impulse tattoo that I feel no connection towards. Have you ever searched for your house on Google Earth? My old house, yeah. Are you a beach, country, or city person? Country. Living in the suburbs has definitely reminded me of that... Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? Typing, by a long shot. I make typos texting too much. Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? Yeah. Who is the last person that you said "I love you" to, besides family members? Sara. When was your first real relationship? Sophomore year of high school to early college. Have you ever cried over an ex? I've cried the entire mass of water on Earth over an ex lmao. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes. Is there something really bad that you’ve done, that only YOU know about? No. Have you ever copied someone else’s homework? I think I have once or twice, but obviously with consent. What’s a hobby you would like to try out? If my legs worked like actual legs and I didn't sweat like an absolute pig, I would like to try out herping, but without actually interacting with the animal like picking it up and scaring the daylights out of it. I'd just be happy enough looking for reptiles, amphibians, and inverts to photograph instead. Does that still even count as herping? What was the last event you attended? My youngest niece's birthday party. How about the last event you organized? I've never organized an event. What’s something you get excited about doing and want to do it right away? Whenever I take nature pictures, I'm immediately keen to get them into Lightroom and do the postproduction. Is there anything you feel you’re better at than anybody else? Definitely not. What’s the biggest insect you’ve ever seen? If you exclude places like the zoo, that would probably be a rhinoceros beetle or something. Oh no, actually some kind of local moth I don't know the name of. They're beautiful big white boiz. How about the biggest spider? I might be mis-remembering, but I believe at a reptile convention I went to with Sara, one of the vendors had a goliath bird eater tarantula in one of the cups. I do know it was some tarantula species for sure, though. Who was the first person to break your heart? My dad. Obviously not romantically, but him just splitting on the family with no proper communication absolutely broke my heart for years. First person to give you flowers or candy on Valentine’s day? I'm sure that would be my parents. If you exclude them 'cuz that's kinda obvious, I believe it was Aaron, my first boyfriend. I'm pretty sure we were together on Valentine's Day, because I remember getting him a giant Hershey's Kiss. First band you obsessed about? I wasn't truly obsessed with any band 'til Ozzy in middle school. Can you do a backflip? No; I've never tried and never will. I was and still am too afraid of breaking my neck. Like I have a MASSIVE fear of paralysis, particularly from the neck down; that fear is actually the biggest one that keeps me from driving, fun fact. Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Of the two, definitely a pessimist, but I at least think I align most with being a realist. What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone? I'm unsure. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same sex? Yeah. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Just one. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? No. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Tyler once drew a picture of him and me. It was cute. That guy still dove in WAY too fast. Have you ever dated a redhead? I haven't, but I love redheads. Natural red hair is just gorgeous. What are your thoughts on facial hair on guys? Historically, I seem to generally like some, but it really depends on the guy's general appearance. I can like none at all or a full beard and mustache, it doesn't really matter to me. Did you go anywhere today? No; my mom is in Florida with her brothers totally cleaning out Grammy's house, so she's not here to take me anywhere. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Oh yikes, I have a lot. I honestly can't count because I've lost track of how many boys and girls Katie has. You have a choice to shoot your father or die, what would you do? Jesus. I'd rather die; some things just aren't worth living after, and I'd have no desire to keep going if I killed my father. Did you ever cry at the end of King Kong? I've never watched it, actually, but I. LOVED. The video game. I haven't played it in years and only faintly remember how it ends, but I don't remember crying. Are you in any amount of pain at the moment? Quite a lot, actually. It's kinda a TMI subject so I won't delve into it, just know I'm hurting like a bitch. What was the last sugary thing you ate? I snacked on some chocolate chips earlier today... which I really shouldn't have done, but I think I had reasonable restraint and didn't totally binge. When was the last time you did something extremely stupid? Who knows, that's not a rare occurrence, it feels like. Have you been to any parties lately? Only my niece's bday party in February. Thankfully it was kept pretty small, given Covid; not that anyone in that family besides my sister gives a flying fuck about precautions, though... Can you touch your pinky to your thumb around your wrist? Ugh, no. Close, but not enough. I still have thin wrists and hands, but yeah, yay for being overweight. If you were to start a charity, what would you call it? I'd hve to put more thought than I'm willing for one survey question. I'd have to decide what KIND of charity I want to start first, which I'm unsure of. Probably something related to animal wellfare and conservation or something similar to the Trevor Project. Maybe LBGTQ+ youth disowned by their families... I dunno. There's so much good I wish I could do. Are you comfortable with your body? Holy fuck no. It's only gotten worse since I started gaining weight again and almost entirely erased all weight loss progress I'd made. What is your recent inside joke? Most recently made? Idk, man. I don't make those often. Would you rather be a human, vampire, or a werewolf? Er, I'm good with being a human. If I was a vampire or werewolf, I wouldn't exactly be very welcomed, I'm sure, and both have seemingly painful traits to cope with. Are you good at giving directions? It is absolutely impossible for me. I have NO sense of direction, like, at all. I don't know highway names, local exits, etc. etc. etc. etc. Why did you last curse? Pain when readjusting myself due to aforementioned issue I'm having. What is your purpose in life? I hope it involves animals and spreading words of peace and an appreciation for art. What is one of your weak points? I'm very, very, very dependent on others. I'm really working on trying to correct that. I can barely do shit on my own as is. Who was the last person you heard snoring? My cat, haha. Would you rather shower by yourself or with another person? 100% by myself. Another person would just get in the way and make me VERY self-conscious of my body, even if it was my romantic partner. Just please leave me alone to hate myself for 10 minutes. :^) What was your last addiction? You could say my current one is John Wolfe, a really funny let's player I've gotten into. Been bingeing some of my favorite games he has playlists of for a few weeks now. You are in a tank full of spiders, what do you do? Well one, I'd like to know what kind they are. Venomous? Harmless? You gotta give me the details. If I don't have any, then I'm admittedly freaking the fuck out, even though I know I should stay very calm when trying to get out. Fear would win, though. If killing yourself meant saving the world, would you? Saving the world from what? But odds are, yeah. I don't cherish my pretty damn mediocre life more than I do the lives of what, 8 billion people? Have you ever stayed up all night just to talk to someone? Yeah. When was the last time you eavesdropped someone? I kinda do that sometimes when Mom's on the phone and I can hear her from my room, and if they're on speaker. Particularly if the subject is me. When was the last time you went to a club? I've never been to one. How have you been sleeping? Poorly. Are you adopted? No, I'm not. Do you like scrapbooking? Not really, no. Do you collect anything valuable? "Valuable to me." <<<< This. Nothing of great monetary worth, though. Have you ever been beaten up? No, thankfully. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? I don't think so, in my personal life. What was the last thing you killed? An ant. Have you ever used someone for money? I never could, no. When was the last time you went to the zoo? Sigh, it's been many many years. I'm so ready to get my goddamn legs back in shape so I can go again, this time with a REAL camera, too. Last time I went was when I still only had a Kodak EasyShare; I have a professional Canon camera now with much more education on photography too, so I would be in absolute heaven with at least twenty memory cards in need, haha. Maybe next fall... Is there a teacher you hate more than anything? I actually never had a teacher I hated in my entire school career. It really, really is as simple as just being a respectful student. In most cases, I should emphasize, because I do understand some educators just suck. Now I had some teachers I wasn't very fond of, but most certainly none that I hated. Do you own colored eyeliner? No. Do you have manners? I honestly think I'm very mannerly. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? We last had to put my dog Teddy down; he had cancer and was literally withering away. I knew in my very core that even if we didn't bring him to the vet to euthanize him, he would've died naturally in a very short period of time; I doubt he would've survived another night. Now I'd like to move on. What is your favorite medication that you take, and why? The combination of Vraylar and Lamictal is the reason I'm alive. It keeps my bipolarity and depression under control. Do you decorate Mason jars? No, but those are some of my favorite crafts visually. They're very pretty and cute. Can you see the mountains from where you live? Oh hunny, I wish. Did you ever play pranks on April Fool’s Day? As a kid, yeah. I don't anymore. I'm not really even a fan of April Fool's Day as an adult because of how cruel some jokes assholes play are. Which instrument would you play if you could learn to play one? Maybe violin. Do you part your hair on the left side, right side, or in the middle? The left. What are some names you like that start with the first letter of your name? Uhhhh Bianca, Braelynn (look I know it's so stereotypically Southern but it's pretty)... and idk from there, those are the two that come to mind first.

[outerspaceisbetterthannothing]

My Ultimate Reading List v2.0 Fics

A/N: As some of you have heard or seen, My Ultimate Reading List (in it’s original version) has crashed on desktop because of (as I realised trying to restore it) too big number of links, so I’m basically recreating the whole thing in a new format. This post goes for One Shots and Serieses. There’s one more post for Blurbs. I’m really sorry for the tag notifs for the people who has been tagged already in a previous version. Hope it’s not much of an inconvenience. I’m also not going to delete the first version of the list, as it’s been liked and reposted a lot of times, it’s still working on mobile, so some might still use it. But all the updates are going to happen only on this post, which I’m going to put in my bio instead of an old one.

So, this list was created because of my crazy urge to reread favourite fics and blurbs from time to time. It was made purely for me, but if it helps you to find a fic or a writer you’d love, I’d be only happy. I tried to make navigation easy. For blurbs links go to my reblogs, for oneshots and full lengths links go to the original posts. I try to check links from time to time, but if you see that some of them don’t work, please, hmu.

* stands for the implied smut

*** stands for the pure smut

This list is far from finished, that’s just the first things that came to mind and/or were reblogged. Still have a ton to add. So will update it every now and then.

NOTE, pls: There’s no Michael content here! And that’s not because I don’t like him or don’t appreciate him enough. I guess, it’s quite the opposite tbh. There’s no Michael content here because I appreciate him too much. I love this cute little kitten, he’s the most precious soul and, most of the time I think, there would be no 5sos without Michael Gordon Clifford. I just don’t have any fantasies or images of him in me, don’t see him in any way romantically. That’s why I don’t read (or write for that matter) about him as main character. I understand, that I miss a whole lotta great authors and fics because of that. Maybe it’ll change in the future. But for now, it is what it is.

Also HUGE SHOUT OUT TO THE PEOPLE WHOSE WRITING IS ON THE LIST - THANK YOU FOR THIS! THESE FICS AND BLURBS BELOW HAVE REALLY GIVEN ME ALL TYPES OF FEELS, INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION AND CONTENT. I’M FOREVER GRATEFUL FOR THESE WONDERFUL GIFTS YOU GAVE TO ALL OF US.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, WONDERFUL PEOPLE! ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU!

Oneshots

Ashton

Heartbeat by @gigglyirwin [Classic fluff and one of my all time faves]

Our Shining Star [Dad!Ashton] by @myloverboyash [Special thank you to @lashtoncurls for the tracking down the runaway author lol]

Blindfold*** by @cal-puddies​ [Cashton smut which is too hot for this world]

Ain’t nobody got a drummer like mine*** by @myloverboyash [Drumming and banging 👀 at the drum kit]

I Can Love You In The Shower*** by @myloverboyash [Cute giggly shower sex with a little bit of trauma]

Will We Always Be Pretending*** by @myloverboyash [Bff to lovers AND fake dating in one fic, what else could you wish for???]

Wherever You Are*** by @myloverboyash [childhood best friends to lovers]

Let Me Be The One To Save You pt 1 and pt 2 by @myloverboyash [prince!Ashton Au by which I am intrigued and I AM WAITING PATIENTLY, SKYLER, LOL]

Noticed Nights by @calpops [Artist!Ash and another masterpiece by Eve]

Calum

The Little Spoon by @gigglyirwin [Classic fluff] 

Valentine’s Day*** by @angelbabylu

Lucky Shot In Paradise*** by @cakesunflower [Bartender!Cal]

Heartbeat by @uncrownedqueeen [Dad!Cal]

All These Years by @felicitycal

Blindfold*** by @cal-puddies [Cashton smut which is too hot for this world]

No chemistry*** by @novacxlum [Heartbreakingly great college enemies to lovers]

Where were you in the morning?* by @snapbackcake [If this ultimately truthful but sad af one won’t make you cry, consider asking for help, because it’s too sad but also beautiful as hell]

Let me good to you*** by @snapbackcake [The description says it’s 6.8k words of absolute filth, and I have nothing else to add besides of what a great filth it is, so, 18+ kids]

Road Trip: Cake*** by @softforcal [Er, Cake threesome, idek what to say here]

Redamancy by @cakesunflower [Heart wrecking fluff]

Birthday Getaway by @etherealhood [Cuteness and romance overload]

Ghost of you by @myloverboyash [Super angst, prepare to cry your eyeballs out, and i’m still in my feels, Skyler, how could you???]

Picture this by @currentlyupcalsass [One of the best college au’s ever]

Best Friend’s Brother*** by @lukescaboose [Nerdy Cal and soft smut]

Another Ride*** by @babyloontrash [Another Cal smut which is like, really hot]

The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth*** by @i-calumhood [Wonderful enemies to fuck buddies to lovers with an asshole college!Cal]

Ice*** by @morningfears [Super hot enemies to lovers with hockey player Cal aka an ultimate dream]

Ka Hopena by @wildflowergrae​ [Soulmate AU, surfing and Hawaii, what else can you ask for?]

We Got That Good Love*** by @myloverboyash​ [Sex in the shower and like wet Calum)]

Balloon*** by @currentlyupcalsass [one of the most precious things I have ever read in my entire live! realisation of love to Calum of mc and absolute happiness for you]

First Concert by @ukulelecal [dad!Cal and kids visiting 5sos concert]

Eleven*** by @babyloontrash [fwb with breakfast]

Luke

Boyfriend’s little brother*** by @lukehemmingssmut  [There was also a second part promised, sooooo ^.^]

Fuck me like you hate me*** by @myloverboyash

Baby*** by @lukescaboose [Sweetest ever bff to lovers with soft boi Lu]

Hashimoto by @burncrashbromance​ [special for Disabled!Sos]

Full lengths and Serieses

Ashton

Hate sex Series*** by @irwinofficial Tell Me How Much You Hate Me, Our Kinky Secret, Good Enough, No Longer A Secret  [one of the best Ash smuts ever 👀]

Side chick*** by @cal-puddies [Beautifully filthiest smut with cheating, all the wrong choices and Cashton love triangle] part 1, part 2

Calum

Sugar Coated Pain by @cakesunflower [Boxer!Cal] [That’s what I lost my 5sos-fanfiction-virginity to, so, hey, Summer, thanks for the experience lmao]

Cigarette series*** by @cal-puddies [Best friend!Calum and a lot of hot smut 👀] Cigarette, Corona, Rolling Papers, Black on Black, Stuck [which was later replaced by the next part, but I’ll put it as long as it exists on the original list of parts, but don’t get confused], Navy Button Down, A Hotter Touch, Pancakes, The Second Thing, Ours, Losing You, Little toes, Holy Water, Date Night, Me, You and Little Hood, Five Years Later

Wherever you are by @mysticalhood [Long distance with Cal and tons of tears with me]

Dates With Cal by @calpops [this is so cute i higkey don’t want it to end like ever] First date, Second date, Second date pt, Third date, Calum cooking part one and two, The next evening, Cuddling and meeting guys, Worrying about ‘his girl’, Being her only guy, Meeting Mali, Soft nights, Talking about her family, Not everybody liking her, Tropical getaway, Being smitten around guys, Leaving talk, Night before the tour, Being away from each other, Cal coming home, Saying ‘i love you’, Cal being jealous of Duke, Watching her in the morning, Taking a bath together, Talking to guys about taking a next step, Grocery shopping, Asking her to move in, Choosing a house, Packing her stuff, Packing his stuff, First night in the new house, Unpacking, Finding out habits

Business Blurbs by @calpops [series of blurbs of Calum and Ash being owners of a record shop, Luke keeping an antique store and Mike having a bakery]

Masquerade Made by @calpops [fake dating college AU blurb series] First party, Fighting in a philosophy class

Veiled Valor by @calpops [pirate!Calum, runaway princess, heart wrecking mutual pining and writing style deserving 19th century prose] Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

Versace on the Floor by @singt0mecalum [Dad’s friend Calum, age difference and *supposedly* hottiest content] Intro chapter

[closetspngirl]

I dare you.... ALL of them. Yeah... I said. All. Of. Them. hehehe

Just remember...you asked...

If anyone else is even remotely interested in reading some/any/all my answers to all 100 questions, see below. For the rest of you, I hope the keep reading tab works...

1: is there a boy/girl in your life? Yes

2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? Not sure yet

3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” A cat?

4: what’s something you really want right now? Well a couple things...pick a coast...

5: are you afraid of falling in love? Sort of. I’m currently watching it crumble before me...and I’m not sure I can do that to myself again.

6: do you like the beach? I love the beach!

7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Yes

8: what’s the background on your cell? A black and white of Jensen playing the guitar. My lock screen is a digital painting of Genevieve’s Ruby.

9: name the last four beds you were sat on? Umm...huh? Mine, my coworkers...a family friend...and I guess my mom’s?

10: do you like your phone? I do.

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned? I mean...no? But they’re looking up.

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? One of the sales ladies at work.

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? Neither. 

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Probably emotional. I’m a total empath so I can be super sensitive. 

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Depends on what art exhibit is going on.

16: are you tired? Yes. I got 3.5 hours of sleep and this is your cruel way of keeping me awake for at least another hour. lol. It’s a good thing you’re cute. 

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact? As long as I’ve been at my current job, just over a year.

18: are they a relative? No.

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? Fuck. No.

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? Uhh...like 30 minutes ago (when was the kiss is a WHOLE other question)

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? If I knew that that was it for either of us, yet. 

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I mean...maybe on the cheek in a ‘have a nice life’ kinda way

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? One

24: is there a certain quote you live by? Oh wow...there’s a few that I like but I’m horrible with recalling them.

25: what’s on your mind? a lot of things...

26: do you have any tattoos? I do, three, four is getting added hopefully this year, for sure next year (or it might be five at that point...)

27: what is your favorite color? Purple

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips? August

29: who are you texting? Does tumblr messaging count? If so, you, and the person I’m texting

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? Yes

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? Yes

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you? Yes

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Yes

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? Hope she likes it...

36: were you single on valentines day? I mean...strictly speaking, no. Did I go out and do anything? No. I was working.

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed? Uhh...hard to answer.

38: what do your friends call you? By my name, or a few different nicknames

39: has anyone upset you in the last week? YES.

40: have you ever cried over a text? Yes. Both good and bad.

41: where’s your last bruise located? Oh goodness...uh...I think it’s the one on the side of my right knee

42: what is it from? Who the fuck knows...it just showed up one day.

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? Yesterday, day before that, Saturday, almost every day last week...

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with? Personal phone: R. Work phone: sales department.

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes? My converse

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? I hate hats.

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style? Never

48: do you make supper for your family? I can, am able, rarely do.

49: does your bedroom have a door? Yes, thank god.

50: top 3 web-pages? Tumblr, IG and...my portfolio currently I guess since I’m trying to update it.

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping? Yeah...me. lol. Ok, not completely true. Clothes shopping is a huge hassle. 

52: does anything on your body hurt? Yes. Head, neck, back, stomach, feet (gotta love a kitchen job)

53: are goodbyes hard for you? Depends on the goodbye, mostly yes

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Uh...probably coffee

55: how is your hair? It’s fine, thanks for asking. HA!. j/k. It’s up in a messy bun and headband

56: what do you usually do first in the morning? Turn off my alarm, See who messaged me and get ready for work

57: do you think two people can last forever? I think it’s possible, as long as both people want it.

58: think back to january 2007, were you single?  No

59: green or purple grapes? Green. Purple grapes are too sweet for me.

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug? Probably...Friday when L is back at work. Otherwise, August.

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Yes. Didn’t I already answer this? Pick a coast...I want to go there.

62: when will be the next time you text someone? Later tonight

63: where will you be 5 hours from now? In my bed. Asleep. So help me Chuck if I’m not.....

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning. Uhh...just waking up for the third time.

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked? Other than Jensen/Jared/Dean/Sam? Uhh....Oh I guess I was crushing on B a little...but that ship has long sailed. 

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Absolutely. 

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today? I hugged L. I’m surprised he’s not tired of me yet. lol

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night? That I really need to be better at letting shit go.

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Yes. 

70: how many windows are open on your computer? Windows? One. Tabs...? 10.

71: how many fingers do you have? 8 plus two thumbs.

72: what is your ringtone? Priceless by for KING & COUNTRY

73: how old will you be in 5 months? 31

74: where is your mum right now? South Dakota

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? A long list of really shitty reasons.

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? Definitely

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? At 7? Let’s see...first grade...I don’t think I had a crush on anyone. I remember there was this kid Ben that I hated because he used to take my stuff all the time. OH!! There was this really cute blonde boy that I can’t think of his name right now. He was only there for that year and then left.

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike? Yes! My best friend’s dad. lol. He’s like my second father.

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? Umm...I mean technically speaking? Yes...the way I wanted it to be? No. It was more that I fell asleep with my head on them and then they nudged me off so they could roll over...

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months? HA! Well....B...R...J...three. I’ll go with three.

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? Yes

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight? Already am

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? I wouldn’t do that, but if I was...probably my friend Carrie...

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care? I mean...probably?

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? Well...I can’t even remember the last movie I went to go see...I think it was maybe Brooklyn, with my mom. So not a lot other than watching the movie. 

87: who was your last received call from? Work

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? Only if it was already dead. Otherwise, no.

89: what is something you wish you had more of? energy...?

90: have you ever trusted someone too much? Yuuuuup.

91: do you sleep with your window open? When I can.

92: do you get along with girls? I do

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? Am I keeping a secret? Yes. Do they need to know? No.

94: does sex mean love? No

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? Uhh...it’d be boring AF

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? No

97: did you sleep alone this week? Yes. Have been for months now.

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? I’m working on it. I’d like to think so.

99: do you believe in love at first sight? umm...maybe? not entirely sure

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise? Oh lord...I don’t even remember. lol

Thanks for the challenge!!! xoxox

[that4amkick]

Shut up, Richie

Here’s my entirely too late secret valentine for  @tozier-reddie!

Word count: 2,326

Pairing: Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris

February 11th

Stan had always hated valentines day. In his eyes it was just a capitalistic scheme to make everyone either feel obligated to be nice to their significant other for a day, or become aware of how alone they are. Stan had always been the latter.

He was reminded of this when he was at the grocery store; the entire store was covered in heart decorations with signs pointing to their temporary sections of cheap flowers and chocolates, hoping to make a penny off of someone who loves their partner, but not enough to go to an actual flower shop.

The reason Stan was at the store is because his roommate Richie had mistakenly left the fridge door ajar, and all their food had gone bad. Sometimes Stan wasn’t sure if Richie was really just that oblivious, or if he got a kick out of messing with Stan. A few weeks ago Stan had woken up to the fire alarm blaring because Richie had gotten distracted by his video game while making mac n cheese, so the water completely boiled down and the pasta started to burn. They had to throw the entire pot away after.

Stan was always confused about how he felt about Richie. One minute he’d be scolding him for being a complete dumbass, and the next he’d be sitting on the couch with him feeling happier than anything else. Richie was starting to feel like home. A dysfunctional home.

Once Stan had gotten all the groceries he needed, he made his way up to the checkout line. The cashier, who couldn’t have been younger than 50, began talking to him as she scanned his items. “Ooo this is a lot of nice food. You have a special dinner planned for your valentine?”

“Nope. Just food for me and my roommate.”

“Oh. Well that’s nice.” Stan felt an awkward tension between the two, as they avoided eye contact for the rest of the transaction.

Stan did not want to make multiple trips getting all the groceries inside once he made it back to the apartment. So, he had three or four bags in each hand, and when he reached the door he realized he had no way of opening it without putting everything down again. Not wanting to do that, he began kicking the door, trying not to tumble down with all the groceries in his hands. “Richie it’s me! I know your home, I saw your truck.” He stood there for what felt like hours before he started pounding on the door again. “Richie I swear to fucking god.” Stan shouts mostly just to himself.

After a while he gives up and sets the groceries down with a loud huff escaping his mouth. Once he gets the door open, he sees a folded up piece of paper lying a few inches past the threshold reading “Stanley.” As he’s picking it up, he hears the distant sound of music playing, and he aggressively throws the groceries on the kitchen counter, he marches his way to Richie’s door.

Richie is sitting on his bed doing something on his laptop, mindlessly singing along to the music. He looks up, seeing Stan glaring at him. “I’ve been banging on the door for five minutes trying to have you help me get in.”

“Oh, sorry man, I was just- hey what you got in your hand there Stanley?” Richie smirks as he excitedly gets off his bed and walking over to his roommate.

“I don’t know, I think someone slid it under the door.” Richie grabs it out of Stan’s hand. “Hey! Give it back.” Richie doesn’t reply as he turns around, dodging Stan’s arm desperately trying to get it back.

“Oooo a secret valentine. Are you going to BE their valentine Stanley?” Richie only ever called him by his full name; it both infuriated Stan and made him feel special at the same time.

“What are you talking about?” Stan takes it back from Richie, looking down at the note.

There was a drawing of a bumblebee, followed by the words Will you bee my valentine? Written in cursive. Stan’s cheeks turn pink, having no idea who the note could be from. “Stanley's got a secret admirer.” Richie says with a grin plastered on his face.

“Shut up, Richie.” Stan says before heading to his own room, a smile forming on his face once he’s turned away from his roommate.

February 12th

Friday classes were always the worst. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you won’t have any classes on Friday, but if you’re stan you have one Friday class that’s also at 8 am. The entire class period all he can think about is how much he regrets taking a class on environmental policy (A/N a real class I almost took), and how much he wishes he was still cozied up in bed. Once the clock hits 9:30 dictating class is over, Stan is the first to shoot up out of chair and make a break for the door. If he was lucky he could make it out the parking lot before it got crowded.

On the drive home Stan is wishing that there will be another note on the floor when he gets home, but has low hopes. For one it wasn’t even 10 am yet, and two, he had no idea of knowing if he would even get another. And to no surprise, when he gets home he finds to not surprise, that there is no paper lying past the threshold. With that, he goes to his room and flops down on the bed, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep.

“Stanley...Stanley...STANLEY” Stan slowly opens his eyes, seeing Richie trying to shake him awake. He looks at the clock and sees it reads 11:47.

“Richie, I told you to never wake me up, so this better be good.”

“Your knight in shining armor has returned!”

“What in the hell are you talking abou-” He looks at Richie’s hand and sees a piece of paper in it with a black footprint on it, presumably from Richie stepping on it. Richie extends his arm, and Stan takes the paper out of it. There was another drawing, this time of a peach. You’re as sweet as a peach.

“This guy obviously doesn’t know you at all, because you’re about as sweet as my ass.” Stan rolls his eyes as Richie lets out a chuckle “I’ll let you sleep now Stan the Man, and let you do what you please.” Richie winks as he heads out of the room.

“Shut up, Richie.” Stan holds the paper to his chest as he closes his eyes.

February 13th

To day Stan got wasted last night would be an understatement. All of his friends came over to he and Richie’s place, each bringing their own bottle of poison. The last thing Stan remembers was Beverly betting him be couldn’t chug have a bottle of whiskey, but Stan blacked out before he found out the answer. He woke up to a splitting headache and the feeling of razor blades in his stomach. The light from his window was hurting his eyes so much that he had to put sunglasses on. And even though it was nearly three pm, there was a chance he could still be tipsy.

When he walked out of his room, Richie was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. “Well good morning princess.” He says through a mouthful of food, and Stan simply growns in response. He looks over at the living room, seeing what had to have been the majority of the clothes he was wearing last night. Stan usually just sleeps in his underwear, so he wasn’t surprised when he woke up with no clothes on.

“Oh God...what happened last night.”

Richie began to smirk. “Check snapchat, we were all posting videos last night.” Stan quickly gets out his phone, and with each snap he sees the more he wants to die. The first was Mike’s, which consisted mostly of zoom in shots of the weird expressions all the Losers had when they were incapacitated. Ben’s was just him snapping the movie they were hardly watching, saying odd drunken comments about it. Bill always had issues being able to even hold his phone while drunk, so his story was only of the beginning of the party, mainly of the large amount of drinks they had. Richie hadn’t posted anything, as Bev always took his phone from him due to his inclination to text his exs. Eddie got flirty with everyone, and his consisted of selfies of him with everyone, especially Richie. He always was on top of Richie, giving him sloppy kisses on the cheek and things of that nature. It always made Stan want to throw up and he didn’t know why.

Beverly’s story was the worst. She was always one to post the entire night, and that’s where Stan pieced most of the events together. There was a 30 second video of Stan chugging that bottle of whiskey, victoriously holding the bottle above his head as everyone cheered before he threw smashed the glass on the ground. Next was a series of videos of his arm around Richie’s neck as the two sang Africa at the top of their lungs. There were some videos of Bill and Mike having a beer chugging contest, then some of Stan taking off all his clothes, whining about how the room was too hot. Eddie followed suit, and the two were lying on the ground beside one another in their underwear.

Finally he checked his own story, and he felt his heart sink to his feet. While most of it was drunken selfies, the last snap was a rather long video of Richie and Eddie making out as the room cheered them on. Stan felt tears prick the corner of his eyes.

He put his head in his hands as Richie began speaking with a mouth still full of food. “You seemed to enjoy the night a lot.” Stan here’s something slam beside him, and he looks up, ringing in his ears. “Here, maybe this will help cure the hangover from hell you must be having. Richie set a piece of paper beside him that has Stan’s name on the front. He had almost completely forgotten about his secret valentine. He unfolded the paper, seeing a drawing of a cat, and it read you are the cat’s meow. “It was nice seeing you with so little clothes on last night, it was like dinner and a show.”

“Shut up, Richie.” Stan gets up to go back to his room and try to suppress how the video of Richie and Eddie made him feel.

February 14th

Stan was easily having the worst day of his life. First, he didn’t wake up to his alarm clock in the morning. Second, his car keys were nowhere to be found, making him even later and he missed his first class. Third, it was pouring rain and he slipped on his way to class, getting his legs and backside soaked. Fourth, since he was running so late, he missed breakfast didn’t bring a lunch and so he was starving. Fifth, when he got back to his car, he realized he was out of gas. Richie was the only other of the Losers who had a car, and Stan called him seven times before giving up. Sixth, he had to walk a mile and a half home in the rain, and forgot to grab his headphones that morning.

Finally, once he reached the front door, he’d also forgotten his house key. His head falls on the door, and he starts to cry. It was valentine's day, and he spent it walking home soaking wet and with mud covering his shoes. He bangs on the door in the hope Richie will hear, but he has low hope considering he didn’t even answer his calls. “Richie…” he calls out, his knocks getting softer with each one.

He hears shuffling from inside and Richie opens the door, breathing somewhat heavy. “Oh my God, Stanley!” he says sincerely as he pulls his roommate inside. When Stanley steps inside, his breath is taken away. The living room is perfectly clean, and there are multiple vases of flowers across it, with rose petals on the floor. What Christmas lights line all the walls, giving the room a light glow. A candle is lit, but it is being covered up by the scent of sweet potatoes cooking in the oven. “I’m so sorry I didn’t answer my phone. I was a little...busy.” Richie says, his voice shaking.

Stan was speechless, but he also has no idea what was going on. “Richie, what is all of this?” He asks, looking around in awe. Richie couldn’t keep eye contact, and has his hands in his pockets as he rocks back and forth. He pulls a wrinkled paper out of his pocket and hands it to Stan, his hand shaking. Stan opens it, seeing a drawing of a heart, you give me a boner in my heart. “I don’t get it. Did you find another no-” that’s when it all clicks. There are very few people besides the Losers than know where Stan lives, but Stan always thought Richie had a thing with Eddie. “But...what about Eddie?”

Richie chuckles, “I love Eddie, but there’s never been anything serious there Stan.” Richie had called him Stan, which meant he had to have been being serious. “I mean, I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same,” Richie rambles. “I just thought because we both seem so happy when we talk and I see how you react when I talk to other guys, oh God did i read everything wrong and ruin-”

“Shut up, Richie.” Stan says before pulling Richie down to kiss him.

[hotdogjumpingfrog5]

It’s Strange - Chapter 6

Previous Chapters: Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five

~

The person turns around, which reveals to be Beverly.

“Oh, hey guys.” she smiles

The entire group stares at her behind Bill

“Y-You’re b-b-back?”

“I am,” she says, “Me and my aunt came back from Portland two days ago. I was hoping to run into you guys if I came back to the same spots. I never forgot about any one of you.”

Ben ran up to her and gave her a hug, he never thought he would ever see again, and was overjoyed to see her face again “So good to have you back, Beverly!!”

“I’m glad to see you too, Ben!” Beverly responded, while hugging back

Bill sighed, then had the courage to ask her another question.

“A-A-Are you c-c-coming back to s-s-s-school with us?” he asked

“We only got here last week, and we’re literally on the edge of Derry and Hawkins,” she says, “I should be back to school in another week or so.”

“Oh yeah,” says Bill, “W-We’d l-l-like you t-to m-m-meet our other f-f-friend,” says Bill, “S-She j-j-joined us l-l-last w-w-w-winter.”

“Aka my sister.” says Eddie

They both looked at each other, and exchanged grins

“Hi.” Ella greeted

“Hi.” Beverly responded

The other losers were dumbfounded, and didn’t really know what to say to her, it’s been over a year since they last saw Beverly.

“And I’m glad to see the rest of you,” she said while hugging them, “Stan, Mike, Richie, and Ella, glad to meet you too.”

“Guys, it’s really fucking cold out, why don’t the eight of us go to the arcade or see a movie or some shit?” Richie suggests

“I agree,” said Stan, “I think a storm is about to pick up, it’s starting to get really windy out.”

“Black Moon Rising came out a few weeks ago,” says Mike, “We should see that.”

They all come to an agreement, and make their way to the local cinemas.

When they get there, they are a little over an hour early, the previews not even started yet.

Bill, Mike, Ben, Eddie, Richie, and Stan are sitting in one row, while Beverly and Ella sit in front of them, not wanting to take up that entire row, besides, the pair of them already seemed to like each other, as they been chatting for a while. 

“Ugh, they haven’t shut up since we got here!” says Richie

“Do you even know what they’re saying?” says Stan

“No, they sound like chipmunks from a distance,” Richie responds, “They’re just…girls.”

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” says Eddie, “I don’t blame you though, Rich, try living with El. Whatever, I’m going to run to the bathroom for a minute.”

He watches Eddie head out the door, then looks down at his popcorn, and proceeds to flick the pieces at them. Then looks at Stan, to see his reaction.

“Really Richie?” Stan says, annoyed

“Yeah, that isn’t very nice.” Ben says

“Damn right it isn’t!” says Beverly, turning around. Her and Ella trying to remove the popcorn off their clothes and even pieces that happened to go down their clothes. “Ella, has Richard been annoying this entire time I was away?”

“Mhmm.” Ella mumbles.

“You like it.” Richie smirks

~

Third day of February, and Mike sits in class next to Dustin, Will and Lucas.

“So, what are your guys’ plans for Valentine’s Day?” Dustin asks, remembering that the day is approaching soon

He could tell by the look on Mike and Lucas’ faces that they had a few plans to spend time with their special ones, since they were the only ones taken out of the four of them.

“Me and Lucas will be going on a double date together for dinner.” says Mike, “Other than that not a lot.”

“Yeah, and perfect timing too, as it falls on a Friday!” Lucas says happily

Dustin looks down, wondering what he did to not have anyone yet.

Mike notices the expression on his face and gives him some advice.

“You’ll find someone eventually, I can promise that.” Mike convinces

“Yeah Dusty,” says Lucas, “I’ve told you that before, it just takes a bit of time.”

Uh huh, I’m so damn sure about that, heard it all be fucking fore. Dustin thought.

“I’m not doing anything that night, both of us can hang together if you want. I’m sure my mom won’t mind.” Will tells him

Dustin agrees, he wouldn’t mind spending time with a friend to take his mind off the fact he’s single. He could tell Will didn’t really care about being single, unlike himself. 

“Oh wow, two freaks making plans to go on a date with even freakier freaks, and looks like we got toothless and zombie-boy going gay for each other!” Troy butts in, while shoving past them.

“Leave us alone.” Lucas orders, not wanting to be bothered with him and James.

“Midnight, you make me sad. Sad that you and your ginger girlfriend have no souls.” Troy snickers.

“Oh yeah, frogface, your girlfriend’s sister is a massive slut by the way!” James chuckles

Troy gives James a punch in the side, and says “Shut the fuck up, James, I do the talking, you do the laughing. Got it? Good.”

He turns around, disgusted by the sight of them.

“As I was saying,” Troy says hotly, “Frogface, I heard your sister and your freaky girlfriend’s sister had some great fun with each other. Oh yeah, how many people did that Evans girl fuck? Last time I heard it was up to 110.”

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up, Troy?!” Mike thrusts his fist on the desk, “Nothing you say is ever true.”

“Even if it was, why did you choose to tell us about Nancy and Cathy?” Dustin asks, annoyed

“Figured you’d love to hear,” Troy says slyly, “It’s a shame you didn’t die, zombie-boy, your family are insane psychopaths. That explains very well why you’re so quiet. Just waiting to secretly commit a school shootin-”

Dustin kicks him in the crotch, twice, before he could finish.

Troy clutches himself in pain, unable to move or say anything.

“Look, I’m not in the fucking mood today,” Dustin snarls, “You piss us off or any of our other friends, we will definitely get Eleven and Cathy after you. Got it? Now stay the fuck away from us.”

They limp away in pain, too afraid to even tell on them.

Mike, Lucas, and Will look at Dustin, and his eyes are like a wild man, and Dustin is glowering into space, not looking at them.

“I think he’s in a bad mood.” Lucas whispers, and Will nods

“Yeah, let him cool off for a bit.” says Mike

~

February 13th, 1986. 

Steve, Johnathan, Nancy, and Emma sit together in the cafeteria for lunch.

There are a few moments of awkward silence, and each of them telling each other what’s on the go, their plans, etc. 

“So, I guess you guys have big plans for tomorrow?” Steve asks Johnathan and Nancy

“Yep, we made reservations for this expensive restaurant downtown of Derry.” says Nancy, “The Boardroom I think it’s called?”

“Yeah, I think we’ll spend the night in town,” says Johnathan, “There’s a hotel next to it.”

“You both make such a lovely couple.” Emma grins

Nancy and Johnathan accepted the compliment, while smiling.

Steve looks over at the rear doors of the cafeteria, and notices four strange looking girls push open the doors and enter. Emma takes notice too.

Nancy and Johnathan turn around to see what they are looking at, and see the lanky figures enter.

The four girls take notice of them, and walk in their direction.

Emma’s nose begins to run all of a sudden. She grabs the tissues next to her, and luckily the running of the nose ends. 

They stop there, right next to their table. Just staring at them.

“Hi, can we help you?” Nancy asks, kindly.

“Hello.” says the leader of the group, whose voice sounds masculine. “I am Hillary Bordeaux. And these are my friends; Catherine Hockstetter, Bethany Hughes, and Victoria Critch. We are from Texas, we currently live about an hour and a half outside of Derry-Hawkins.” 

The four of them look at the four girls strangely, the leader standing about 5′8″ or so, an overweight girl with black hair, standing about 5′10″. Then there’s a blonde girl, about 5′9″, who is really quiet. And the most sinister looking and creepiest of them all, a dark haired girl, who is way above average height for a girl, over six feet, and really skinny. 

Nancy, Emma, Johnathan, and Steve stare at them, not knowing what to do or say. There was now an awkward silence. Emma’s gut instinct was telling her there was something terribly wrong. They looked more like men in disguise rather than abnormal looking girls or transgenders. Their hair does not even look like hair, more like wigs. 

“Do you know where Billy Hargrove may be?” “Hillary” asks.

“Don’t know, don’t really give a fuck. Don’t know who that is.” Steve says, sluggish. 

The four of them’s facial expressions began to change. Their excited looks turned into a more annoyed, vengeful stare.

“Hey, big eyed, dark haired girl. With the emo dude next to you,” says “Hillary”, “You look a lot like…you know what, nevermind.”

The other three girls snicker, while looking at the four of them.

“Are you related to Beverly Marsh by any chance?” Hillary asks Emma, “We’ve heard spicy rumours going around about you.” she says, while licking her lips.

The three girls behind Hillary begin to burst out laughing, and Emma tries to keep her cool. She knew who Beverly Marsh was, her sister Eleven had recently met her when she moved here, though Eleven was very indifferent about her, kind of like she was with Max.

“Those are not true rumours!” says Steve

“Bethany, get over here. Now.” Hillary demands. 

“Bethany” walks over to Emma, and lets out a gigantic belch in her face. Emma cringes, and makes the most disgusted look.

“Huh. Guess not then.” says Hillary, “Whatever boys, I mean girls, let’s go.”

With that, they go out the opposite doors from the other side of the cafeteria. The four of them sit there, clearly weirded and freaked out by those strange looking girls. Something about them wasn’t quite right. They looked unsettling to look at, and they sounded so…gay. They looked more like men in disguise rather than those other trannys. In fact, they gave such a creepy vibe, none of them wanted to bump into them again.

“That was weird…” Johnathan mumbles.

They all agree, and eat their food in silence, wondering what or who the hell they just encountered. 

Steve sighs, trying to change the subject.

“Hey, Ems?” Steve asks, sheepishly

“Yeah?”

“Are you…doing anything tomorrow?”

“After school I’m running errands with my mum and sister at the shopping centre outside town.” Emma responds, while biting into her pasta, “Then we’re going out to have Chinese around 6:30.”

“Oh…okay.” 

Steve looks over at Nancy and Johnathan, whose facials expressions are telling him ‘She’s clearly not interested’ 

About two minutes later, as they are about to get up and leave, Carol and Tommy block their view.

The four of them ignore them, but Tommy and Carol don’t seem to be taking no for an answer.

“It’s a shame to look at the four of you,” Carol laughs, “You guys are trying way too hard. It’s quite obvious that none of you are-”

���It’s quite obvious you’re a bunch of idiots.” Steve interrupts 

“Don’t talk to my girlfriend that way.” says Tommy

“He will talk to you guys however he wants.” says Johnathan

“Johnathan…” Nancy mutters

“You both abuse women and children.” says Carol, “Nancy, you know it. And Evans, I heard your count this week was 17 guys. Covering yourself up isn’t going to hide the fact you are Derry-Hawkins biggest slut, and you know it.”

Tommy laughs like a schoolgirl at what Carol had said, while the four of them were just appalled.

Emma’s eyes fill with anger, and she stands up.

“Look, none of what you said is true.” says Catherine, annoyed, “Steve and Johnathan would never hurt anyone.”

“Oh my god! Evans, stay away from me or you’re going to give me an STD!!” Carol says loudly

People begin to stare over at them, the occasional laughter or snickering could be heard in the cafeteria, but quickly carrying on with their own business. 

Emma’s eyes begin to turn black, rage boiling inside her.

“Why don’t you or Billy ever listen to me??” Tommy whimpers

“Because you can’t fill my needs and I’ve been doing Billy behind your back!” Carol yells

The whole cafeteria gasps

Emma sees someone with a bowl of soup, but makes it fly out of their hands.

“Hey!”

Then, it pours all over Carol. She shrieks, and the entire cafeteria turns to stare.

Laughter rings through the cafeteria, Carol looking angry as hell

“Strike three, now we stay the fuck away from them!” Tommy says angrily

“You guys are fucking TRAITORS!!!” yells Carol, frozen in the same spot

That doesn’t stop people from looking and snickering at Carol from a distance. 

“Can’t wait for this year to finally be over, so I never have to see any of your faces again!” she yells at the four of them, then looks on to the rest of the cafeteria, “And the rest of you!! Can’t wait to get out of this fucking town away from everyone in Derry-Hawkins!!! Arizona, California, New Zealand, where ever I get fucking accepted, as long as I’m far as hell from everyone in New England!!! I will never come back!!!!!!”

With that, she storms out of the cafeteria, along with everyone looking at her as if she has four arms, a random guy calling out “No one cares you clown!”. 

Everyone resumes back to their chats and food, trying to forget about psycho Carol.

“Think she’ll ever bug us again?” Steve chuckles

“I have high doubts.” Johnathan smirks

As the four of them head outside, they decide to go for a walk on the trail behind the school.

Johnathan noticed some fabric off the path, and pointed it out to everyone

They all walk over, and they find female yoga pants, four pairs of blouses, one skirt, and four wigs.

They knew those strange girls that approached them were wearing those exact same clothes.

All paralysed with fear, and worried that those strange girls might be watching them, had fled back into the school, and even looked behind them after to school to make sure their cars were not being followed by strange looking people.

~

Next Chapter: Chapter 7

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 58 - NJD - The Room

Yea, I guess there still in the race even if it is a distant third. The race for the final wildcard spot has felt… hopeless at times. At some point in that game against the Rangers something snapped in me. You can talk yourself into a lot of things in life: putting off the laundry for too long, being lazy on your car registration until the Cop pulls you over, buying a Brian Gionta jersey that won’t even fit you. I was still able to talk myself into the Sabres making the playoffs before Friday night. I’m not so sure anymore. Sure, as of the posting of this blog Buffalo is a full five points back on first team out Carolina while Philadelphia is now breathing down their necks dead even in points while the Sabres have a game in hand. There is a scenario that could unfold here where the Hurricanes make the playoffs and the Flyers are the first team out. I mean Pittsburgh missing the playoffs would be fun but that’s like ordering a garbage plate and getting just the pasta salad: yeah, this isn’t bad, but the nature of this situation had me believing I would get quite a bit more. Yeah, our expectations were inflated by November but I’m not relitigating that again and I think all reasonable observers were placing the Sabres on the bubble back in September. We’re still on that bubble but who would have thought bubbles hurt so much to sit on? Luckily the Playoff Trash talk is out of the way for the Devils because I really don’t have the heart for that. I turned this game off after the Reinhart goal. Yeah, after it because I felt that hopeless. My dad messaged me because we have our cute little Sabres chat with my brother and he, perhaps for not knowing hockey so well (he’s more of a football guy), thought a one goal deficit wasn’t too much to overcome. He messaged me that in the third period and shortly thereafter admitted himself it was time to turn the game off. Get someone in your life who knows when to turn it off.

So, I know last game I said I wasn’t going to do the goal for goal recap and ended up doing it. I mean it for real this time: I just don’t have a recap in me. I was at the last game against the Devils and it wasn’t shit: in fact, Buffalo won 5-1 in a game that kind of felt liberating after the stretch of games before it. Buffalo lost 4-1 tonight and it looked like a different team. Sam Reinhart scored the one Sabres goal in this game, it was a nice rebound tap in when the game was still 2-1. I don’t feel the need to recap any of the Devils goals because they are folks I don’t follow regularly on a team that not only will not be a threat if the Sabres do pull a playoff berth out of their asses, but are likely one of the next teams to be mathematically eliminated from the playoffs after the Senators led the way into that abyss earlier this week. How long until the Sabres join those sad ranks? As recently as last week I thought this group of guys could pull off a tight race going into March and here we are with 24 games left and they don’t even look like they want it anymore. Yeah, once again a lot of stuff was said in the locker room after this game and I will get to that but what is it? What is the thing in the room that is holding them back? They lost to a Cory Schneider in this game who hadn’t won a game in a calendar year up until recently! I could rationalize the recent loss to Winnipeg as a tight game lost by inches. This one looked like a surrender. How is the team that led the whole league in November, however much that was obviously an aberration, coming out in a playoff race game like this? Something isn’t right in the room and apparently this is the only recourse for guys like me who don’t want to throw Jack Eichel and Rasmus Dahlin under the bus. It’s either there is something wrong in the room or we need to discuss our brightest stars not living up to potential. The former is the solution we opted for after last season’s utter shitshow. Botterill shipped Ryan O’Reilly out and if you’re decrying that trade now, you’re missing the forest for the trees. The latter option is too depressing to contemplate when we’re going on eight years without Sabres playoff hockey.

Is Jason Botterill going to do anything about this state of affairs? You know I’m not convinced the playoffs was ever the internal goal for this season. Every professional organization has the external goal which is fixed squarely on winning games, making the playoffs and winning a Stanley Cup. The internal goal is the real shit you get from the insiders like Friedman and McKenzie. We all pegged this team as a bubble team. Did Jason Botterill and the Front Office decide they were going to get Reinhart signed, then Skinner and make minor moves at the Trade Deadline and continue to build at the Draft and over the summer? The lack of movement at this awful moment seems to suggest that and the deadline a week from tomorrow stands to prove it. Yeah, Botts could make a splash and signal he wants this group to make the playoffs now. Frankly I’m desperate for that outcome to the point of not feeling the need to spell out exactly which trades I’m ok with and which ones I’m not. This ship looks to be going down right now but it isn’t below the waterline yet. And oh yes, I am past the point of bandying about around Phil Housley and his strategic decisions. We got our Scandella-less game and you see how well that went! I’m out of answers on the ice but the scarier part is that I am running out of answers in the Front Office now too. Was Housley’s comments about only having what the GM gave him to work with merry conservation starters over wings and Pearl Street? I’m not saying the GM needs to act in spite in response to those comments but what’s going on? What is going on? I really lead myself to believe we were in a hot new smart organization after the wild offseason last year and now I’m not so sure about that either. The jury is still out on that but in terms of the shot at a playoff spot I feel like the deliberations may be coming to an end.

But it isn’t over yet! Let’s get to our handsome ice soldiers in the locker room! What consolation do they have for us? Phil Housley said: “We’re still in this race.” I am not wasting my time dissecting the “we” and “in this race” right now with him. At this point we’re running about a 50/50 chance he’s completely lost the room morale wise. Us fans always make mountains out of mole hills but let’s look and listen to how the players felt. Sam Reinhart, visibly frustrated at being asked “…are you guys just about toast?” responded saying “we in the room don’t feel like we’re out of it at all.” It seems like that question came from media man Donald Trump warned you about Mike Harrington with the News, so I’ll let Samson off on that one. Zach Bogosian, okay yeah why not, let’s go to Zach Bogosian who responds to similar questioning about what makes him think this team can put together a few wins going forward here with: “It’s because of all the guys in this room here. I believe in them.” Okay, even if they’re losing faith in the coach if they can work together as a team that’s something, right? Fuck if I know. If their united there in the room, God bless them: I hope it results in more than just a festive golf trip in April. Captain Jack? I’m sure someone got words from him but I know he’s taking this hard so I’ll sit back and see if he’s going to hoist this group out of it. I won’t be grilling him about why he’s not scoring at the same clip he was in the middle of December. I’m sure he’s lifting twice as hard because of this slump. Three times as hard for the team itself.

There are no matchups over the next two weeks that inspire much of any confidence. If you are expecting to count potential W’s down the stretch here just trust me and don’t for your own mental health. I think we’re past that point now. These guys need to string 3 to 5 wins together now to even look like competitors for that last spot so take it easy now. Take solace in the fact that this less-than-hopeful calculus is happening after Valentine’s Day this season and not before Thanksgiving. There’s progress right there even if it’s not the advancement we wanted. Hey, the Rochester Americans are holding onto a division lead and stand to capture that title for the first time this decade. I’m enjoying that and you can look for this month’s Amerks Angle in the near future celebrating that. The Americans rough stretches last for three maybe four games. You can comfortably speculate about playoff matchups with them and if that’s what you’re looking for I recommend it over looking for rays of lights right now with the Sabres. Like, share and comment and the internet algorithms that curate our lives will cause us to meet again soon for that good time. In the meantime, I think we can take in trade deadline rumors with a not completely unrealistic hope that something may develop to change what we’re going through right now on this crazy roller coaster that is Sabres fandom. Let’s Go Buffalo.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. I can’t believe I got this done tonight. It’s better than starting a Monday off this way, eh?

[kuyamari]

W I P

To whom who may concern Chapter 1 An Introduction Raven suddenly came to me and asked "Don't you love her? Why aren't you doing anything?" "She is who she is and I am who I am, there is no changing that. Besides, it was already too late to get to know her. Don't get me wrong, I wish I could but it's already time for us to go separate paths. I mean, I got all the opportunity before but I blew it. I screw up big time. Um I guess I didn't listen to those guys but it's my fault for believing them and doubting myself." I said "Why don't just try?" He replied "Well...I don't think I'm the one she is looking for, heck, I don't even have the balls to say hi! I mean...yah know...I'm just scared" To be exact I am afraid I might just hurt her knowing I'm not really a nice guy. Mike stares at me with dismay and he said " Dude...you're hopeless." " Nah I don't know..." But deep inside, well fuck off Raven I am shy extremely shy. And so I let another day die out without even trying. Having a routine like this is kinda tiresome but I'm used it. I spent the whole time hiding but hey it's not like I'm a fugitive or something, its just there is a girl I really like but I can't do anything but remain silent and avoid her, sometimes I felt I'm kinda rude to her. Well I kinda confessed already that I like her but I am really ashamed I did it on a text message rather personally. What can I do? It's hard to be confident if you know you don't have one or rather you know it's a losing battle even before it started. And all of the sudden a voice said "Well let us trace the cause of your so called shyness" "The hell are you" I asked "I am your subconscious" he answered. Well I didn't know my subconscious is an asshole "I heard that" "Heard what?" I asked because seriously what the fuck. "Hey, let's keep it PG down here" He said I'm not quite sure what's going on and on what narrative this shit called but I don't like it. I'm pretty sure I'm telling the story from my point of view. "Well I am your point of view, subconsciously." ladies and gentlemen my subconscious is a smart ass. "Unfortunately this would be more funny if this is written as a comic book." he said. Well that is not the problem if the freaking author is not a lazy ass and start drawing. "He can't" he said. And I replied "Why not?" "Because you are the and author." he said as he laugh his ass off. Seriously he is annoying just like me but worse. Can things can get anymore worse? "It sure can" he said and in my mind would just say "Well fuck my life." Chapter 2 Hi I'm... Hi! my name is Edward. There isn't that much to say about me but all you need to know that I am a coward. Well not that I always runaway from a fight it's more of a I always runaway and get discourage in expressing what I feel to the person I really like maybe because I am scared to say the wrong thing or maybe if she get to know me she might not like me for who I am because believe me I am wierd and quite rude and an asshole myself. Helena isn't the first woman I liked but let's just say it ended seemingly the same way. I didn't do anything to be with them all I did is runaway and sulk on the corner. Maybe part of it is discouragement from my friends. But now let's talk about Marie, the first woman I liked. It was back in my highschool days, we were classmates and on the third quarter of the school year I was happy because the class adviser assigned me to sit right next to her. To be honest, sitting right next to her is pure happiness I get to know her more and talk to her. The best thing that happened to me is also the worst, It was a day after Valentines I gave her a gift since didn't have one for her on the day itself. I gave her a cupcake, She was reluctant at first in accepting the gift and said that i could give her the cupcake before going home since we were sit right next to each other. It was already dismissal, She didn't left the room and it seems She is waiting for someone. As I left the room someone from another section went in and walked straight to Marie, his name was Noel and as I peak through the window, I saw them sharing the cupcake I gave to Marie. The two of them looked so sweet to each other the sight of it had me broken, I know it was my fault because Noel is Marie's friend and suitor. Me? Maybe calling me "honeybunch" almost everyday is a way to tease me maybe she figured out that I have a crush on her. But on that day little did I know that sight cost me so much. Chapter 3 Helena Well Helena for unknown reasons is quite popular among men, there are many who has a crush on her maybe only science can answer it but I'm no scientist so I cannot answer that but one things for sure, her smile is the brightest among them all. Don't get me wrong, I don't know her that well but she always stand out whenever she is there. She is the a avarage height of the woman in our country. I've seen a lot of woman before compared to them she is not that beautiful don't get me wrong she is pretty, yes, but the simplicity of her face is what makes her standout very well among them combined with her very charming smile, she is ready to kill, figuratively. "Hey, I told you tell her already how you feel!" said Raul " And in what womderful reason do I have to do that?" replied Edward " Well, you like her don't you?" " Well yeah I do..." " Then do it! I know tell her during Valentines day give her something" Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Footage not Found We were already drunk that night, the five of us, well technically four because Anthony is tending to his girlfriend who is unknown reason crying because of a moisturizer. So what we did is we went to their room and bring his shot there. We were even laughing our ass of seeing his situation. "We ran out of Gin." said Mike "Let's go buy another." replied George "And let's document everything we do on the why 'coz we might not remember it" said Mike Mike went to theor room and ee to join us and asked Rupert who is fortunately awake that time to document the dumbassery we might do. As we walk the quiet road of the province we started making noise like we own the place making rude remarks about certain things. We were like hooligans that time, so wild and free roaming the streets. I was holding a stick and wielding it like a goon people who might saw us might think we were part of a gang of some sort. We don't mind because no one will recognize us there since we are just tourists. We saw the place's plaza amd we started taking awkward pictures of us in the dark. We were supposed to go there in the morning but we were already there early. At the landmark of the plaza where we took our photo we sr started shouting things about the persons we like and love. "I love you Meg!" shouted Anthony "Ilove you Helena!" shouted Mike I wasn't surprised when i heard it because everytime I see them they were together it's seems that Helena is very dependent to Mike. Jake followed by shouting "I like you---" he cutted it with a clap Jokes on him I know who is he reffering to. George followed by doing the same thing Jake did. " I love you!" I shouted " To whom who may concerned " "That's it?" asked Mike and George "Yep, that's it" I replied " I don't have anything to say anyway" But deep inside, their are so many things I wish I could say to Helena knowing I am already drunk that time their is no thinking what I could say and knowing Mike also has feelings for her and always ayot her side I am confident that Helena will be just fine with him. We continued the night walking the streets and finally made it to an open store and bought another bottle of Gin to spend the rest of the night waiting for the sun to rise. Things started quite unfortunate for me because I started to vomit due to the volume of alcohol we drank. And to think everything that happend that time was taken was documented who knows what might happened when the others watched the video. Chapter As Edward walk the road alone in the dark he kept on thinking, what went wrong? Is it just because of hime being scared all the time or was it the girl? He kept on thinking. Maybe, instead of getting the right encouragement, he got the right discouragement. Instead of saying good things about her, some of his friends decided to say bad things about her just to use your use to be love for her into hate to assist them in their vendetta against her and her friends. Is it really too late? Can he go back? Is waliking in the sidelines all I can do The Last Flag And how should we end this short story of a boy yet to be a man who is so scared to say how he actually feels to the person he like or should I say love? There are many ways to end it, we could say the boy move on and found another girl in which we vowed not to repeat the same mistake he omitted. If so? How in the world will I the author of the story write it? They could have met somewhere. At a convention perhaps knowing the boy is a some sort of a wierd geek. They both could have possess the same hobby or perhaps interests. For sure they could get along really well but is she really what the boy wanted? Is it the same feeling of falling for someone accidentally? Falling for someone for reasons that even scientists cannot even explain, even I is not sure how things like that could have happen. As the author of this story let's give it a try on how the story could have ended, we'll atleast for once they could have ended together here in this story because knowing the boy we is prone to giving up and doubting himself. Well let's say the boy suddenly became brave enough to talk to the girl in the earliest chance possible. he started talking to her, getting to know her more so he could fall for her more. Ask her out on dates perhaps? Helping her out in anyway possible, making good use of himself knowing he himself is quite useless at times. Even in my wildest imagination maybe only a miracle or perhaps the holy spirit migjt be the only thing that could help the boy, Why you may ask? Well let's just say I know the boy very well.