quietautumn

[pohlepen]

ways that frankie is self-destructive, because i've mentioned it before:

she does drugs. and not in a smart way. if you put it in front of her, she's doing it. and likely, she's mixing alcohol with it. in layman's terms, she is an addict. 

she destabilizes relationships, though this is not entirely a conscious act. it's more so through the nature of who she is. 

she finds it impossibly hard to be monogamous. one person alone cannot prove her with all the attention and care her desperate, hurt heart needs and she often seeks out a connection through sex. which leads to her cheating on her partners and going behind their back to find another fix of intimacy. this isn't to say that she is not capable of monogamy, it's just a big order to fill and she only had two well plotted relationships where she isn't sneaking off on the side to get some ass. 

a plus to this is her lack of possessiveness and jealousy. if you want to see someone else while seeing her, she encourages it. she will ask if there's room for her too, but won't be offended if you decline. 

she is an unreliable narrator. her mind is skewed by herself and what she thinks she can gain or what she thinks you want from her. this falls heavily under the ‘my muse is not always right’ trope. 

[sena-seastar]

Heart to Heart

Aemond x Wife Reader

Summary: Aemond spends time with your child so that you can have a much-needed break.

A/N: I'm back with more, Dad!Aemond, because I adore him so much. Aemond deserves someone who will love him as deeply and unconditionally as he loves them, and his baby definitely would. (Also, any dialogue in italics means the characters are speaking in high valyrian. I was too lazy to attempt to translate it.) No beta, so I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes.

“Daenys, please calm down,” you plead as you try to pacify the wailing girl.

Though your words seem to fall on deaf ears, she continues to scream and flail in your arms. You want nothing more than to join in as tears well in your eyes. You were at your wit's end. Nothing seemed to placate your child. Not even the sweets you had tried to bribe her with. 

The nursemaids had changed her nappy several times. They’ve tried feeding, bathing, offering toys, and even taking her for a walk in the gardens. Yet none of it worked. They brought her to you as a last resort, hoping she might be missing her mother. Unfortunately, their hopes went unfounded.

Daenys continued to thrash in your arms, and you struggled to keep a grip on her. She was surprisingly strong for someone so small. 

“Shh, it’s alright,” you coo, bouncing the fussy girl in your arms. “Are you tired? Shall we take a nap?”

Your questions only incite her fury. Daenys lets out an ear-splitting screech. You groaned, eyes closing in frustration at the situation. 

“How about we give your mother a break, hmm?”

You look up, finding your husband now standing before you. He takes your little girl into his arms, and for the first time in forever, she settles down. She doesn’t squirm and try to get away from him, and her wails turn into low whimpers and quiet hiccups. You watch as he handles her with such ease. Aemond pats her back and talks to her in a soothing voice, gently bouncing her in his arms. Daenys rested her head on his shoulder, her tiny fists held tightly onto his coat.

“I’m terrible at this,” you huffed, shame blooming in your chest. 

“No, you’re not.” Aemond leaned down, pressing a gentle, reassuring kiss to your head. “I’ll take her for a bit. Get some rest.”

You nod, grateful for his help. He waves Daenys’ hand towards you as they leave. You wave back until the pair disappear from your view. You sigh in relief as your body slumps onto the Grecian couch beneath you. You debate whether to continue with your book or take a quick nap.

-

Aemond holds Daenys close to his chest as he maneuvers himself off his saddle. Ser Rickard Thorne stands to the side, wearing his freshly polished armor and pristine white cloak. Aemond nods at him, and the white knight quickly takes Aemond’s horse by the reins, leading the horse away.

The dragon lord looked down, watching Daenys as she toyed with the wooden dragon in her hands. He smiled. The familiar warm fuzzy feeling that filled his entire body every time he laid his eyes on her returned. It was hard to believe that something so beautiful and innocent could come from him. But here she was. The two of you had created something- someone so precious. 

A loud grumble sounded in the air. Aemond lifted his head, observing Vhagar. The giant dragon was hard to miss, even from a great distance.

The overgrown grass and twigs squish and cackle beneath his boots as he walked into the open field where the ancient she-dragon resided. Vhagar had outgrown the dragonpit years before he had even claimed her. Vhagar turned her giant head to the side, watching them as they approached. She shut her eyes again when she realized it was just him.

Daenys let out a delighted squeal when her eyes finally landed on the giant dragon. Aemond struggled to hold her as she excitedly kicked her legs and waved her arms. Aemound cursed under his breath as the wooden dragon toy fell to the ground. Oh well, he would retrieve it later.

“What is it, my little dragon?” He asked enthusiastically. “What do you see?”

 Daenys clapped her little hands and babbled, “Vava!”

“Vhagar? Do you see Vhagar?”

She looks up to him and nods her head. Her violet eyes lock onto his, and the two smile at each other. Aemond planted a kiss on the girl’s temple, gaining sweet, girlish giggles in response.

“Very good, my little dragon. It is Vhagar.”

Daenys begins to squirm in his arms and tries to push him away.

“What is it? Do you want down?”

Aemond looks down at the grass, checking for any potential dangers. Your little girl grunts and continues to try to push him away.

Aemond huffs, “Alright, alright.”

His lips curve downward into a slight frown. The two of you had been very proud and excited when Daenys started walking. However, Aemond was a little saddened by the fact that his sweet little girl didn’t want to be in his arms all the time anymore.

His mother had told him that it’s normal for them to want to be more independent when they start walking. The man understood that, but he still did not like it one bit.

Aemond carefully lowers the little girl to her feet. Her chubby little fingers hold onto his hands as she tries to stabilize herself. When she finally stops wobbling, she lets go. Aemond’s heart races in his chest as he watches her take a small, shaky step forward. His hands immediately reach out to grab her, but he stops himself.

Daenys takes another step; this time, she’s a bit more stable. She holds her arms out, trying to balance her weight as she trots forward. Aemond follows closely behind. With each step, he felt a twinge of panic in his chest. The man struggled not to swoop her into his arms every time she stumbled.

Thankfully, they made it to Vhagar rather quickly. Vhagar gave a small huff as Daenys small hands smacked against her snout. 

“Gentle,” Aemond warned sternly, well aware of his dragon's short temper. 

The man kneeled next to her. He took one of Daenys little hands into his own, showing her how to pet Vhagar’s snout carefully. Daenys let out another excited squeal that made Aemond wince. 

“Yes,” he nodded. “It’s very exciting, but we must be quiet.”

Daenys pulled her hand away from his, wanting to try it alone. Vhagar remained still, resting lazily on her chin. Aemond stood back up. He rested his large palm against her warm green scales with a joyous smile. She truly is a sight to behold.

Vhagar was the largest and fiercest dragon in the world. Nothing could stand against her. And yet she decided that he, of all people, was worthy of her. That he deserved the privilege to call himself her rider. No one could question or deny his worth now.

“Vava, pay?”

Aemond looked down, watching as his little girl tried to get the dragon’s attention. Her silver curls fell onto her face. The man reached down, pushing the strands of hair behind her ears. He felt a bit sorry for her. Vhagar was nowhere near as active as Daenys' little hatchling, who resided in the dragon pit. She did not flap her wings or let out any shrieks of excitement like Daenys’ hatchling did when they saw each other.

Daenys tugged on his coat. She turned her head up to look at him. Her brows were drawn together, and her bottom lip protruded further than her top lip. The look on her face tugged at his heartstrings.

“Play? No, Vhagar does not want to play.”

Your little girl does not seem to accept his answer. She turns her attention back to the dragon, gently petting her scales a few more times. Daenys tries calling out to her again, but Vhagar still gives no response. Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea. Aemond initially planned to take her to the dragon pit, but he decided against it. Mostly because he wanted to come out and visit Vhagar. He could seldom go a day without coming to see his winged companion. 

Suddenly, a loud grumble echoed in Vhagar’s throat. The dragon, finally having enough of the child’s affection, raised her head. Daenys, who was balancing herself on Vhagar’s head, fell back, landing on her bottom with a loud oomph.

“Lykirī, Vhagar. Lykirī,” Aemond commanded as he swiftly took Daenys into his arms.

Vhagar did not move, nor did she make a sound. The ancient dragon merely eyed the two of them. When Aemond felt confident enough that she would not act, he turned his attention to Daenys.

The look on her face is heart-wrenching. Her wide eyes filled with tears, and her trembling lips stretched into a deep frown. Her breath hitched as she tried not to cry. It makes Aemond feel like he wants to cry as well. He pressed a kiss to the child’s temple.

“Don’t cry, my little love. You’ll be alright.” He tried to reassure her.

She blinks, and tears fall from her violet eyes. Sad, quiet whimpers escape from her lips. Tears started to well up in Aemond’s eye, his breath quivered, and a lump formed in his throat. He was never one to cry. It made him feel weak and small, something he despised more than anything. 

But when his little girl was upset like this, he wanted to cry. Sometimes, he still wanted to cry even when she wasn’t upset. There were many times when he would just watch her while she played or slept, and then suddenly, he would be hit with a massive wave of emotions. Aemond wondered if Viserys had ever felt that way when he looked at him or any of his siblings.

Vhagar let out a loud huff. A wave of hot air engulfs Aemond and Daenys. Aemond looks up, observing Vhagar carefully. The green dragon lowers her head, gently nudging her snout against the crying girl. Aemond raises his hand to wipe away Daenys’ tears.

“Look, she’s sorry for making you sad.”

Daenys sniffled and turned to look at Vhagar. The corners of her mouth turned upwards. She giggled as she rested her forehead against Vhagar’s snout. Her little arms did their best to hug the dragon’s giant head. 

Aemond chuckled lightly, raising his hand to give Vhagar a few rewarding pats. His chest was bursting with pride as he watched his favorite girls interact. The only one who was missing was you.

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

The Dangers of Hope Ch. 4

Series Summary: When Y/N shows up at Camp Chitaqua with her little girl in tow, her bloodshot eyes leave no doubt that she's infected. Or is she? Everything Dean has come to know for certain over the last five hellish years, is about to be challenged.

Pairings/Characters in the series: Endverse!Dean x Reader, Emma (OFC), Castiel, Sam Winchester, Lucifer, Michael, Zachariah, Risa, Johnston (OMC), Patrick (OMC), Theresa (OFC), other survivors and soldiers.

Series Explicit 18 +/Warnings: Show level violence, some gore, angst, smut, fluff all the usual for a series of mine. ❤️ Endverse!Dean (that's a warning for his anger and callousness as well as his extreme hotness. 😁) Each chapter will have their own specific warnings.

Chapter Warnings: Nothing major. But - nudity! 😉

Word Count: 4,328

A/N: So, I've had this idea for quite a while. Basically since I watched The Last of Us. I loved Pedro in the role of Joel, but I kept thinking how incredible Jensen would have been. Which then made me think of how amazing he was as Endverse!Dean which then led me to this idea. Lol! I've stolen the premise of Ellie's storyline from TLOU, but made her a grown up, a reader insert, and a love interest for Dean.

If you've never seen TLOU, don't worry - you don't need to have seen it to understand this story. 😊

I've taken some liberties with the Endverse in my story, changed a few things from canon, but kept lots of things too.

I sincerely hope you enjoy the story. It will be ten chapters and I will do my very best to post one chapter every weekend. ❤️

A/N 2: So, here I am with chapter 4. I hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much for all the very kind comments that this series has received so far. You're all fabulous.

Series Master List || Map of Camp || Tag Lists

The dividers below were created by @saradika

Y/N woke with a start. She was breathing fast, her heart pounding. The sense of fear and worry that had lived trapped inside her chest for months lifted quickly as she looked down to see Emma laying beside her on the narrow cot, having migrated there from her own bed sometime in the night.

Y/N resettled herself so she could pull her daughter’s warm little body closer to her, tucking the gray, wool blanket tighter around Emma’s shoulders to protect her from the cool September morning. She looked at Emma’s pale face, the bones a little too prominent, and was grateful once again to be where they were.

They’d been traveling around, nomadic and scrounging for whatever food they could find, for months. They’d spent a week in an abandoned church one time, a few days in an old hunting cabin. If they were lucky they sometimes found a camp of other survivors who would allow them to stay for a day or two. But the people would inevitably shuffle them along quickly, not willing to divvy up their resources amongst two more people.

When they’d found the Billings camp, she’d been so happy. They’d taken them in without much issue, but she’d soon discovered why. The camp had been made up of somewhat fanatical people, calling themselves Christians, who believed the apocalypse happened because people had turned away from the church. So while they did feel it was their duty to help Y/N and Emma, unfortunately they also felt it was their duty to bring them to the light. They’d spent most of the month they’d lived there praying and listening to the leaders call upon God to cast away the evil.

If the Croat attack hadn’t happened, Y/N knew she probably wouldn’t have stayed much longer anyway. She’d heard people talking about this camp, Camp Chitaqua, saying that it had a good leader, a man named Dean Winchester, and she’d wondered whether it could be the same man who’d saved her all those years ago.

She sighed deeply now, breathing in the fresh scent of the pine trees around them, giving thanks again that they’d made it here, and that, despite all odds, she was still alive. Even more miraculously, she was still herself. For a while, she’d been secretly worried that she’d only managed to stave off the virus in the same way that mothers could sometimes lift a car off of their child, by sheer power of will and desperation as mothers. But Emma had been here, and safe, for a week now, and she still felt exactly the same. 

She couldn’t explain it, but she was trying not to question her good fortune. They were in a well-run camp, complete with guards, supplies, and a leader who, whatever he might claim, cared a lot about the welfare of the people in his care. She wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

After Emma woke up, Y/N cooked them their oatmeal ration for the morning, gave them both basin baths, and braided Emma’s hair. As she was tying the last ribbon, two small voices were calling for Emma from outside the tent. When they went to look, there were two little girls, Keisha and Julianne, looking for Emma to come out and play. 

Their mom, Monique gave Y/N a warm smile as she shook her hand. If Y/N’s bloodshot eyes worried the woman at all, she didn’t show it. 

“We’ve heard a lot about you from Emma.” Monique said as the girls ran about, giggling and chattering all at the same time. “She spent a lot of time with us over this last week. We’re so glad to see you’ve recovered.”

Y/N was eternally grateful that Monique didn’t ask questions for which she had no answers. They spoke for a few minutes about their children, and Y/N mentioned her intentions to start a school. Monique’s eyes lit up.

“It won’t be much,” Y/N warned, “but I thought the kids could use something.” 

They talked for a little while longer and then Monique requested Emma’s presence for the morning. Keisha and Julianne were looking for their favorite playmate. Y/N sent Emma along with a tight hug and a tug on one of her braids. 

There was a small part of her overextended protectiveness that worried any time Emma wasn’t right next to her. But she knew how important it was that her little one got the chance to play, so she kept her worries to herself and waved her off to have fun, with thanks to Monique for watching her.

She spent the next couple of hours wandering around the camp. She learned the layout of everything, where the medical tent was, where they went to get their food rations for the week. While she was there, she finally got to meet Theresa’s mother, Brandy. She was a big barrel of a woman with russet-colored skin, long dark hair pulled back into a tight bun, big strong hands, and kind brown eyes.

She explained how the ration system worked, and explained that she worked with “The Boss” and “The Angel” to make sure everyone got their fair share, and that absolutely no food was going to waste.

Y/N’s forehead crinkled at that. “Angel?” 

Brandy nodded. “Castiel.”

Y/N’s eyes widened. “He’s an angel?” She quietly berated herself for not figuring out that someone with a name like “Castiel” was an angel. 

Brandy nodded again, and then spoke quietly. “But he doesn’t have any angel mojo. No wings or halo, or whatever.” She shrugged. “That’s what I heard anyway.”

Y/N chatted with Brandy a bit longer, offering up her idea for the school. The older woman was intrigued with the idea and gave some suggestions for where they could hold their classes. She scoffed at the idea of holding them outside. 

“Gonna be winter soon and the wind can be really wicked around here. I’ll talk to The Boss about giving you one of those sheds at the Northeast edge of camp, behind the main cabin. They built them new there this summer for storage - for tools, and supplies like propane and such. But one shed will do for the winter, and they can build a second one for storage in the spring if they need it.” She said decisively.

“Well, please, don’t bug Dean too much about space.” Y/N cautioned. “He was reluctant enough to say yes to the school existing at all. I don’t want to make him doubt his decision.”

But Brandy just waved away the worry. “The Boss is hard, but he knows a good idea when he hears it.”

After a few more minutes of chatting Y/N gave Theresa a squeeze goodbye and headed back to her tent. She was excited to start putting some ideas together for lessons. She’d have to be a bit creative since there probably wasn’t a lot in the way of school supplies available. But she loved a challenge.

She was working at the little table in her tent when she heard a familiar throat clearing before Dean’s voice called out her name.

“Hi!” She called back. “Come in!”

Dean pushed through the tent flap, and walked in, a big green duffle bag in his hand. The height of the tent was just barely tall enough to accommodate him; it brushed against his spiky hair as he walked towards her, and Y/N had to smile.

Their tent home had seemed spacious when they’d arrived in it the other day. There was room enough for two narrow cots, a table and two chairs, a small wooden box for clothes and other supplies, and a little metal camping stove that was vented to the outside through a hole in the roof of the heavy canvas tent. She assumed that was for when it got really cold, and they couldn’t survive without some heat through the night.

It met all their needs and she’d been impressed by its size, having felt lucky enough to get the little two-person pup tent they’d had when they were at the Billings camp. But now, with Dean inside, the space felt much smaller. He seemed to take up most of the room in the tent, and he kept his neck bent forward slightly to avoid brushing against the top again.

“So, the river?” He asked, thumbing behind him. 

Y/N nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, yes. That would be fabulous.” She grabbed her clean clothes and followed him out of the tent. She asked him to wait for a moment and dashed over to Monique’s to get Emma. But the three little girls didn’t want to stop playing, so Monique offered to take Emma with them in a couple of days when she took the girls down to the river.

“Okay.” Y/N gave in to her daughter’s pleading eyes and the three little girls squealed and jumped around. 

Y/N was thrilled to see Emma having so much fun, and she couldn’t justify derailing that fun just for a bath. But she made Monique promise to let her watch the girls for an afternoon very soon as payback, and she hurried back to where Dean waited, somewhat impatiently, by her tent.

His face held a deep scowl. “Are we good?” He asked.

Y/N nodded and he turned away, obviously expecting Y/N would follow. Once again she found herself walking quickly to try and keep up with his long-limbed, brisk pace. They went east towards the medical tent. But before they got to the tent, they reached a wide, open area where five vehicles were parked. Four of the vehicles, two trucks, a Jeep and a van, sat in a three sided aluminum building. Inside the building two men and a woman were working on one of the trucks, a black Ford F-150.

Dean nodded in their direction as he entered, and they lifted their hands in a salute before returning to their work. He walked towards the Jeep, but Y/N had her attention snagged by the car that sat outside the shed, towards the back, almost behind the building. The tires were flat and vegetation grew all around it. The front windshield had a big crack in it, and both bumpers were missing. Rust covered the tire rims and the bottom of the passenger side door. 

But she still recognized it. She still remembered the way the sleek, black beauty had shined as it pulled into their driveway so long ago. She remembered the way her dad had whistled when he saw it and the way both Dean and John had beamed with pride when he told them, “That is an American classic right there!” 

She walked towards it, and her heart was sad to see it so beaten up and neglected. Dean followed her around the side of the building. “What are you doing?” He asked angrily.

She looked back at him. “I remember her. What a shame.” 

Dean’s jaw ticked and he grabbed her wrist to yank her back into the building. “Just a car, it wasn’t practical. Now, come on, you wanna a bath, or what? I don’t have all damn day here.”

Y/N kept her mouth shut as she climbed into the Jeep, flinching slightly when Dean slammed his door; she’d obviously hit a nerve. In deference to that fact she stayed quiet for a little while. But eventually, she risked starting a conversation.

“How far is it to walk out to the river?” She asked.

He shrugged. “‘Bout an hour or so.”

“How long will it take us?”

“Five or six minutes.”

She smiled. “Well, then I really appreciate the ride.”

He shrugged again. “Sooner we're there, the sooner we’re done.”

“I also appreciate you taking the time out of your day.”

He just grunted in response and she wasn’t sure exactly how to interpret the sound. Whether it meant, It’s fine, or I’m regretting the offer, she wasn’t sure, but she plowed on anyway.

“I can only imagine how busy you must be, running a camp this size. How many people live here?”

“Don’t know exactly.” He answered and she thought that might be the only answer he was going to give, but then he continued. “Somewhere between a hundred and a hundred and fifty, I’d guess.”

“Wow!” Y/N said, truly impressed. “Billings only had about 60, and they were the biggest group I’d ever seen.”

Dean didn’t respond as the Jeep jolted over a big rut in the uneven path they were driving down. Trees scraped against the sides of the Jeep as they passed, and Y/N almost bounced out of her seat as they hit another deep rut. 

“Put your fucking seatbelt on.” He barked at her. “You tryna fly through the windshield?”

Y/N grabbed the strap and clicked it in place. Then she frowned at him. “You’re not wearing your seatbelt.”

“Do as I say, not as I do.” He warned her.

She snorted. “That’s crap advice.” He scowled at her but said nothing more.

They were silent until they emerged from the trees onto a wide river bank and Y/N could see a sparkling river laid out in front of them. She gasped.

“It’s beautiful.” 

Dean threw the Jeep into park and turned off the engine. “It’s advantageous.” He admitted as he climbed out, pulling his duffel bag out with him.

Y/N jumped down and walked quickly towards the river, already itching to feel the water wash away the layer of grime she could feel sitting on her skin. When they reached the side of the river, they stood for a minute. Y/N looked over at Dean, waiting for some privacy before she took off her clothes and jumped into the river.

Instead he nodded towards it, and warned her. “Don’t go too far east. The current here is slower, but it picks up around the bend up there, and it can be hard to stand.” 

He dropped the bag on the ground, reaching in and grabbing a bar of soap and tossing it to her. It wasn’t new, but it smelled fresh and zesty, so she didn’t care that it had been used previously. 

She stood still, holding the soap, making no move to get into the water. Dean looked at her, annoyed again. “Are you going in or not?”

She knew she was blushing and she felt ridiculous for it. But she waved towards him. “Could you turn around or something?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “No, actually, I can’t. There’s a reason no one ever comes to the river alone. We’re almost five miles from camp, there could be wild animals, rogue Croats, or desperate men around.” He folded his arms across his chest. “Someone needs to stand watch.”

Y/N nodded, accepting that logic. But she still didn’t want to get naked with him watching. When she continued to hesitate, Dean gave a huge huff and shook his head. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake. Even though you definitely don’t have anything I haven’t seen before, if it will make you hurry up and get in the fucking water, I’ll turn my head while you strip down. Just tell me when you’re covered up in the water, so I can go back to making sure nothing tries to eat you.”

With that, he turned his head away from her and sighed again, before holding up his finger. “And be careful - the deeper the water, the faster the current.”

She shucked her old grubby clothes quickly, practically moaning about how good it was going to feel to be clean and then actually step into clean clothes. She ran into the river, squeaking slightly as the cold water hit her skin.

“Whoo! It’s freezing!” She said with a slightly manic giggle. But she kept walking until the water covered her breasts. “Okay.” She called out over the rushing of the river. It was a little hard to keep her balance as she began washing, but she managed.

She tried to ignore Dean standing barely twenty feet away as she washed her body quickly and then dipped her head back in the water, lathering up her hands to scrub through her hair and across her scalp. As she rinsed her hair out she couldn’t take the silence anymore and started talking as a distraction, like she usually did. 

“So you guys keep chickens? I’m assuming that’s where the eggs come from?”

Dean nodded. “And one young cow. We found her in the spring. Her mother was nowhere to be seen. So we brought her back to camp. The kids in the camp take it in turns to spend the day gathering grass for her to eat. They pull up buckets of it every day to fill her trough. In return she gives us fertilizer for the crops, and if we can somehow find her a bull next spring she’ll give us milk and more cows too.”

Y/N smiled as she finished her bath, and then ran her hands down her leg to rinse away the last of the soap. “How is it you can manage -”

Y/N stopped talking to let out a scream as her fingers brushed against something slimy on her leg. And then screamed even louder when it brushed over a second one. Before she could let out a third scream, Dean was in the water, having shed everything but his jeans and white t-shirt on the way.

“What’s wrong!” He was yelling as he barreled towards her. 

“Something.” She pointed at her leg. “Something’s biting me. Something slimy.”

Dean looked relieved and then annoyed. “For pete’s sake, it’s probably just leeches.”

Y/N stared at him like he was completely insane. “Just. leeches?” She shrieked. “Get them off.”

Dean grabbed her hand and started to pull her out of the water. But she wrapped her other arm over her breasts and dug her heels into the rocky bed of the river. “No, I can’t leave the water. I’m naked.”

Dean spun around to face her. “Are you fucking kidding me?” He dropped her hand and threw up his arms. “You wanna stay in the water with the leeches?”

“Can’t you just pull them off while we’re in the water?”

“No.” Dean said shortly. “I can’t. I have to pry them off gently, meaning I have to be able to see them properly. You may also have leeches other places than just your leg. I need to check you.”

Y/N’s face turned blazing hot, but she decided she was more horrified by the slimy things sucking her blood than by Dean getting up close and personal. So she followed him out of the water to stand on the sandy bank. He walked back to his duffel bag and grabbed a knife. She covered herself with her arms and hands the best she could.

Dean came close and got down on his haunches to work at unsticking the leeches from her thigh. His fingers were warm on her chilled skin, and she knew it wasn’t only the cold breeze that was giving her goosebumps. She peered down at him, admiring the way his long lashes swept downwards as he focused on his task. His white t-shirt was wet and clung to him, outlining the muscles in his back that shifted slightly as he worked.

Thoroughly distracted she didn’t notice the leeches pop off until Dean tossed them back into the river. “K, I’m gonna check for other ones.”

Y/N’s whole body flushed as Dean walked around behind her, scanning all of her looking for more of the parasites. He came around to her right side where her arm was folded over her chest. 

“Lift your arm.” He ordered. “They like the soft skin under here.”

With a sigh, Y/N shifted her other arm over her breasts, while crossing her legs to make up for the hand that was no longer covering her below. Then she lifted her right arm and Dean clicked his tongue. 

“Yeah, there’s one more here.”

He brought his knife up again, and Y/N tried not to think about the way she could feel Dean’s breath move across the tops of her breast as he pried off the disgusting creature. When it popped off, Dean threw it back into the river and let his other hand trail down to her waist, leaving a fiery trail in his wake. 

He moved to the other side and checked too but thankfully there were no more on that side.

Dean waved towards the parts of her that she had covered up. “Do you want to check the rest, just in case?”

He turned his head without being asked and Y/N was grateful as she searched her skin. 

“There’s nothing.” She said with relief.

Dean nodded. “Good. Hang on.”

He walked over to his duffel bag and pulled out a towel, also grabbing her clothes that sat beside his bag. He tossed them all to her and then turned away so she could dry herself off and get dressed. She dried quickly, but as she started to pull on her jeans, Dean pulled his wet t-shirt over his head, and pushed off his jeans, treating her to the truly disarming sight of his beautiful bare torso and round, plump ass. His back was bronzed and tan while the fleshy skin of his backside was milky white. 

He must have worked outside without a shirt on a lot this summer. 

That image left her brain spiraling, and while she was melting into a puddle, Dean pulled a pair of jeans out of his duffle bag and put them on, before slipping his long, muscular arms through the sleeves of his flannel shirt.

He stood quietly for a moment after he was dressed before he called to her without turning around. “Are you dressed?”

Shaking her head like a wet dog, Y/N answered quickly. “Not yet, just give me a minute.”

“Already had a minute.” Dean mumbled.

Y/N hopped into the jeans; they were a size smaller than she normally wore, so they fit a bit snug. She put on the bra that was also a bit too small in the cups, but she wasn’t about to complain about the free, clean clothes, so she just tugged on the t-shirt.

She could practically feel Dean’s impatience as he stood there with his hands on his hips. “I’m finished.” She told him and he finally spun around to face her, his expression annoyed as usual.

He started to say something, but when he caught sight of her, the words seemed to die on his lips. He scanned her from head to toe and Y/N felt her cheeks flame. It was silent between them, but something crackled in the air, hot and vibrant. 

Dean took a step closer, and her eyes wandered over his flannel shirt and the way the open sides framed his tanned, broad chest and flat abdomen. She looked at his belly button and the light trail of hair that disappeared into his jeans and she had the sudden urge to lick him, dip her tongue into his belly button, and then…

“Clothes good?” Dean asked, his voice soft and deep.

It took Y/N a solid ten to twenty seconds to figure out what he was talking about. Finally she nodded. “Oh yeah,” she ran a hand over her skin tight jeans, “they’re great.”

“Good.” Dean cleared his throat and nodded his head sideways towards the Jeep. “We should get back.”

The ride back to camp was tense as suddenly Y/N was aware of every move Dean made. She watched his hands on the big Jeep steering wheel and became immediately distracted by them. They moved smoothly, but she remembered the calluses she could feel when he grabbed her wrist, and it made her want to feel them again, feel them in more sensitive places.

The five minute ride felt twice as long on the way back.

When they reached the garage, Y/N practically leapt from the Jeep before it had even stopped fully.

“Well, thanks.” She said in a high pitched, squeaky voice. 

Dean followed her silently out of the Jeep and out of the building. When she started back across the camp to her tent though, he called her back.

“Y/N!” She turned around but kept some distance between them. She was honestly afraid of what her addled mind might try if she got too close to him. 

Unfortunately, Dean didn’t seem to be suffering from the same problem because he walked right up to her, leaving barely a foot between them.

“Just keep an eye on the bites. Leech bites aren’t usually dangerous, but the itch can be a real pain in the ass. If they get bad, you can go to the medical tent.” She followed his finger as he pointed at the big white tent to her right. “They'll probably have something for you.”

She turned back to face him and her breath caught in her throat. He was so close, and he smelled so good, like gunpowder, fire and something a bit warmer, softer, that she couldn’t place. She stared up into his intense green eyes and her stomach started doing somersaults. 

His gaze fell to her lips and for one insane moment, Y/N thought he was going to lean forward and kiss her. But he took a step back, nodded and then turned on his heel and walked away. Y/N stood staring after him for a lot longer than she had any reason to, holding her breath the whole time.

As he disappeared into the main cabin, she exhaled slowly, finally able to admit to herself that she was incredibly disappointed by the kiss that didn’t happen.

Jensen RPF and Any/All Characters:

@lyarr24

@lacilou

@deans-spinster-witch

@globetrotter28

@suckitands33

@akshi8278

@evznackles

@jackles010378

@impala67rollingthroughtown

@krazykelly

@candy-coated-misery0731

@envyaurora95

@spnwoman

@deans-baby-momma

Dean Fics Only:

@roonthelittlespoon920

@slamminmine

@zepskies

@deangirl96

Any/All Fics Regardless of Character or Fandom:

@kazsrm67

@slut-for-evans-stan

@sexyvixen7

@nancymcl

@waywardcheshire

Everything Incl. Fan Edits:

@k-slla

@leigh70

@eevvvaa

@kickingitwithkirk

@foxyjwls007

@notinthislife50

@roseblue373

@mishkatelwarriorgoddess

@avanatural

@mrsjenniferwinchester

@all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

[uraveragelonelygay]

Sane

Pairing: Colt Seavers x Reader x Jody Moreno

a/n: SURPRISE!!! Another fic!!! This one I feel MUCH better about. you know i had to include my love Jody in this one. shoutout to @superprofesh for inspiring me to write again. genuinely, your fic got my writing gears turning again!!! enjoy!!!

Summary: You’re going crazy on a miserable set with a miserable director. Thank goodness you have two wonderful things that keep you sane.

it has been an exhausting day. you absolutely adore your job as a costume designer, but days like this make you question why you do it.

currently you’re working on set for a sapphic action movie about a pirate falling in love with a mermaid. being a queer woman, this film is something that is very important to you, and you feel honored that hollywood acclaimed director Simon Finch specially requested you to work on the film.

however, said director happens to be a man, which isn’t a problem in of itself, but the issue arises when it becomes increasingly obvious throughout the process that this movie is being catered to the male gaze.

you researched for months before your initial meeting with Simon, eventually coming up with elaborate costume designs for the main characters, consisting of a more masculine look for Chris, the pirate, and a whimsically modest look for the sheltered mermaid, Adriana. Unfortunately, the meeting ended in Simon dismissing all of your hard work and essentially just requesting a lot more revealing clothing for the both of them. That first interaction pretty much set the tone for how the rest of this process has gone.

You and Simon butt heads daily, and ultimately, as much as you hate his opinions, they have to be the most highly respected. So you’ve spent the past 6 months on set to create costumes that don’t reflect your work accurately at all.

Today is no different, and you look at the dress you’ve been working on all day with absolute disgust. it’s scandalous and low cut and makes no sense for an adventurous pirate to be wearing. It feels like a mockery to you and the rest of your community, but here it was, having been created by your own hands. You sigh deeply before throwing it on the ground, coincidentally at the same time the trailer door opens.

You look up and lock eyes with a certain assistant director who is giving you a sympathetic look.

Jody.

There’s your reason for sticking it out. You’re not doing it alone, thank god. You’ve got your girlfriend on your side throughout this whole process, working as the assistant director, where she also is having an incredibly tough time keeping her mouth shut. She was the reason you’ve stayed sane for so long. Well, one of the reasons.

“Hey, Jody! Can I help you?” you ask stupidly, immediately cringing internally at your dumb question.

She laughs, leaning up against the open trailer door. “I would hope so, considering this is my trailer.”

You laugh weakly. “Right.”

“I’m guessing it’s been a rough day?” she asks gently, causing you to sigh as you plop down on her couch.

“‘More cleavage, more frills, i need to see the femininity practically bursting from Chris’ bosoms!’” you mock Simon and Jody’s mouth falls open.

“He did not,” she says, shocked.

“He most certainly did,” you confirm before continuing, “Jody I feel like i’m going fucking crazy.”

She pouts at your remark. “I know, my darling. But, I have a little surprise for you that might help with your sanity a bit.”

You quirk an eyebrow at that. “What are you up to, Miss Moreno?”

She shrugs with a smirk before stepping to the side of the trailer door, revealing your other reason for staying sane.

“Colt!” you leap up from the couch and make your way to him, immediately wrapping your arms around his neck. At this, said stunt man instinctively wraps his arms around your waist and lifts you into the air before setting you down and placing a sweet kiss on your lips.

“What’s up, sweetheart?” He asked with a smile.

You laugh at that, still overwhelmed by his surprise appearance. “What’s up me? What’s up you!!! I thought you were back in LA putting out feelers for new jobs! What are you doing here?” you ask excitedly.

He chuckles at your excitement. “Well, with Dan on paternity leave, it seems they’re in need of a new stunt coordinator…” he says, and your eyes widen at his implication.

“You’re staying? You’re here? Working? Here?”

Jody wraps an arm around your waist as the two of you face your boyfriend. “That, he is. Our very own Colt Seavers has been asked to remain on set until we wrap.”

“Thank God,” you breathe out, beaming.

Colt takes your hand. “It seems I’m here just in time. You doing okay? You and that dress there seemed to have a bit of a showdown.”

Your smile wavered at that. “Yeah, just typical Simon stuff.”

Colt sighed at that. “Is he still being a homophobic douchebag?”

Jody nods. “Perhaps not knowingly…but…yes. He just has these opinions of how this relationship needs to look, and it’s simply infuriating to stand back and witness,” she explains, her own frustrations becoming known.

You pull away from Colt to wrap your arms around the blonde girl. “You’re doing so well, though, honey. I know none of this is easy.”

The two of you stand there for a moment before you feel another pair of arms wrap around you both. the action makes you smile.

“You’re both doing amazing. I’m so proud of you and all the work you’re putting into this, even if it isn’t going the way it should,” he reassures, kissing both of you on the tops of your heads.

After the three of you separate, you look at them both with love and adoration. “Thank you,” you say softly.

“For what, sweet girl?” Jody asks, and Colt looks at you with curiosity in his eyes, emphasizing Jody’s question.

“Well, you,” you start, taking Jody’s face in your hands, “For being my partner in crime through all of the bullshit. for listening to me when I need to vent and for being the one person here who truly understands how I feel about all of this. For being my best friend,” you finish. You kiss her deeply, trying to communicate all that you couldn’t through words. You pull away and both smile at each other. You squeeze her hands before moving to your boyfriend.

“And you,” you take his hands, stroking them softly with the pads of your thumbs, “For listening. For helping when you can. For making me giggle, and assuring me when I doubt myself. For showing up however you can. And, of course, for being here. You’re also my best friend,” you say, tears in your eyes. Colt doesn’t wait for you to make the first move before wrapping one arm around your waist and tangling the other in your hair. He kisses you passionately, and you can feel the love he reciprocates.

When the two of you finally pull away, you’re smiling so hard that your cheeks hurt.

Jody clears her throat and you both turn to her. “Seavers…my turn?” She gives him her signature pout and he rolls his eyes jokingly, quickly making his way to her and sweeping her off the ground in a similarly passionate kiss. You smile at your partners. You’re so lucky to love these two and be loved in return.

The two pull away and look at you concerned.

“What’s going on, baby?” Colt asks, worried, and you’re confused for a moment before realizing you’ve been crying.

“Oh!” you exclaim, laughing as you wipe your tears. “I’m just really really happy. I love you both so much.”

Jody smiles, grabbing your hand and kissing your cheek. “We love you too, beautiful. Right, Seavers?”

“You bet your ass,” Colt says, grinning stupidly at both of you, “Now how about we go home and rest up?”

“Oh my god can we please cuddle and watch romcoms?” Jody requests and you squeal in agreement, nodding your head enthusiastically.

Colt laughs, shaking his head. “If you both insist. And then tomorrow we’ll have a fresh start.”

“Oh yes, with a big strong man at our sides, how can we go wrong?” Jody asks jokingly and you giggle.

“Our favorite ally, truly.”

Colt wraps his arms around both of your shoulders as you make your way off set. “What can I say? I love my gay girlfriends.”

As the three of you laugh your way back to your apartment for an evening of relaxation and much needed comfort, something becomes evident to you: These two keep you sane. And you couldn’t be more grateful.

(shoutout to @saradika for the lovely dividers!!!)

[liv000000]

You reblogged a post about how fanfic writers feel discouraged over negative comments or no comments at all. I hope you haven't been receiving any nasty anons over your work. Idk if you've written for other fandoms but based on how good your HOTD fic is I'd assume you have.

The writing for Family Duty is honestly so good, it's such high quality writing as well. I haven't read fanfics in years and your work blew me away. You got into Helaena's head in a rather interesting and creative way, almost unashamed either and showed how someone as sweet as Helaena can be very nuanced (unfortunate that the HOTD showrunners are scared of that) yet it doesn't feel very OOC. As I was reading I felt dread and anxiety for her which I think is hard to elicit in writing alone. You made her feel very human (Condal could never) reminds me of how Sansa. You wrapped Helaena in many contradicting layers that just make sense for her.

Your prose is lovely and I find myself rereading your fic quite a bit during commute because of that alone. Your attention to detail is unmatched and I love how you managed to remember so many itty bits from the show and book that most people overlooked (like Alicent's reluctance/refusal to betroth her children to each other because incest = sin). you also created many lovely OCs (the ladies in waiting which...Helaena should have but show is too broke i guess).

Just wanted you to know you have a silent fan rooting for you, your fanfic healed me lol.

Sorry if my comment is clunky and not really elegant but I wanted to brighten up your day or make you feel better about your work.

(Also please don't feel like you have to rush anything. Tyt with your work assuming you're still working on it. You're the captain of your fanfic I don't want you to feel like my message is in any way pressuring you yo write or finish anything I just wanted to show you a lot of appreciation especially from a fan that never interacts with fanfics in fandom)

Aww, thank you so much. This seriously made me tear up, and I appreciate your concern deeply. I haven’t received any mean comments; all the feedback I’ve gotten, though few (for a chapter I spent four months on), has been very positive. They all praised what I worked incredibly hard on — Helaena, and her character beyond prophecies and bugs, focusing instead on her internal conflict, which is Aegon. What I was mostly speaking about is how I feel like my work hasn’t reached many people. I think this is partly because I was in another fandom beforehand, where the community was much more actively engaged and still is to this day. The HotD community, on the other hand, seemed to disappear after the finale, which I can’t blame them for, as the season was atrocious, and what they did to Team Green is unforgivable. I also recognise that I need to promote my fanfiction a bit more and make it stand out, as Ao3 is definitely oversaturated, and it’s hard to find what you’re looking for on there. My lovely friend, @immortalthunderstorm, on the other hand, has received ill-intended comments. I’ve seen how hard she works on her story, and it’s beautifully and incredibly written in every aspect. I sigh when people don’t understand what she’s aiming for in her narrative and are unkind toward her OC. I highly encourage you to read her story, as well as those of my other talented moot @serymn31. She also specialises in Helaegon and is a much faster writer than I am.

and, https://archiveofourown.org/works/55743268

I cannot thank you enough for your praise on Helaena and for noticing all the attention to detail. I spent many hours thinking about and writing this, trying to perfect everything to the best of my abilities. Knowing that it hasn’t gone unnoticed truly warms my heart. It reassures me that the time I spent wasn’t wasted, that I am a capable writer when imposter syndrome kicks in, and that I’m making people feel something in this community, which HotD, with its second season, didn’t manage to do beyond causing annoyance. I also want to thank you for comparing Helaena to Sansa. That really made me emotional, as Sansa was my comfort character when I was younger, and as I write this now, I have a little bird necklace around my neck in honour of her. It means so much to know that the connection I’ve drawn to her in Helaena resonates with others and fits the story I wanted to tell. To know it also healed something in you is so beautiful, and I cannot put my feelings into words, as they’re so profound.

Please don’t apologise for your comment. You don’t have to be silent! If you ever want to reach out for recommendations or discuss my fanfic in more detail, you’re more than welcome to do so. Part II is also more than halfway done, but it’s quite long since I struggle to write short chapters and tend to overwrite. I’m also in the middle of the first three chapters of another fanfiction, which will be much larger and more fleshed out. I’m already in love with it! It features the pairing of Aemond and Rhaena and will explore political intrigue, a cat-and-mouse game, tragedy, repressed romance, and a very unusual father-daughter relationship. I hope that interests you or anyone else on here.

You didn’t just make my day, you seriously made my week. I adore you so much for that. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face and brightening my spirits. Your support means the world to me and I’m truly grateful for it. 🩵

[sunderingstars]

Dice Time! 🎲

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ DICE ROLL #3 — A KISS ON THE FOREHEAD ⌝

based on this post!

word count: 1k

what the stars reveal: tamaharu, post-canon (manga), they’re both in college, tooth-rotting fluff, tamaki being dramatic as usual (affectionate), venting my college frustrations through a fictional character, idk if you can tell but i waxed a little poetic near the end 😳

— congratulations on inspiring my first tamaharu piece! :3

In concept, contracts weren’t difficult to understand. They were simply agreements between parties that created legal obligation for one thing or another. However, the difficulty came with all of their branching paths; implied, fixed price, unilateral — they all had slightly different approaches, small differences that needed to be kept in mind at all times. One misstep could lead to less-than-savory reviews at best and a complete logistic, even illegal, mess at worst.

So… what’s the answer to this damn question?

Haruhi tapped her pencil against the corner of her mouth, shifting the workbook in her lap ever-so-slightly. Maybe, if the page hit just the right angle, the paragraph of text would re-word itself into something comprehensible. Maybe.

After a few tries and meager results, she sighed in defeat. She’d known law school was going to be difficult, sure, but her poor high school self hadn’t known the half of it. Strict deadlines, bad professors, incomprehensible class structures — they were an entirely different experience for someone who went in thinking college was supposed to be… well… helpful. 

She sighed. It was just the late hour getting to her, she knew, but she couldn’t help it. Not when this annoying question didn’t even have anything to do with the current—

“—Haruhi?”

She jumped. Hard. In what could only be described as sheer dumb luck, the flash of blond beside her ducked away just in time to avoid being head-slammed.

Shocked, Haruhi turned her body to peek over the edge of the sofa, settling her chin on the back cushion. Below her was a boyfriend-shaped face, looking back at her with just as much surprise. “Tamak—?”

“—Oh, thank god!” Soft tears began to well at the corners of his eyes, violet and earnest. In a movement faster than she could blink, he was tilting up and over to wrap his arms around her half-twisted form. It was nice — warm and inviting and rose-scented the way it always was — but for a worrying moment, she thought something was wrong. Then, he said: “I thought you’d become a zombie. Like in those scary apocalypse movies.”

Haruhi froze, then sighed. Deeply. 

“There, there,” she said flatly, unfortunately unable to pat him on the back due to the workbook and pencil still hanging in her grasp. Then, before he could start rambling on about the logistics of how he would’ve “definitely taken care of her as a zombie by bringing fresh brains from the morgue back home instead of groceries,” she turned swiftly back to her work, letting the guise of study change the topic of conversation.

Sure enough, less than a moment later she felt Tamaki’s soft-conditioned hair brush against the side of her forehead. “What are you working on?”

His voice was softer, this time, tempered to a murmur above her ear, and she could smell the faint lilac of cologne carried on his breath. 

“Oh, you know,” she shrugged. Gave the workbook a wave. “Just… this.” 

Tamaki hmphed. As if on cue, soothing hands came to rest on her skin, pressing gently at the juncture between her shoulders and neck. She was always vague when stressed, and they both knew it.

“Wanna take a break, then?” he asked.

Instead, Haruhi leaned into the faint knead of his palms, eyes still trained on the page in front of her. “You’d make a good masseuse.”

“Haruhi,” he warned, “you know how I feel about you overworking yourself.” Then, somewhat proudly, “And my services are exclusive.”

Haruhi sighed for the umpteenth time that night. There wasn’t much she could do — she was too tired to deflect Tamaki’s stubbornness, and a break did sound nice. However, she also couldn’t avoid one looming fact: the homework was due tomorrow. Eventually, she made a compromise.

“Fine,” she said. “But only for five minu—”

The warmth behind her was already retreating, shooting around the length of the couch to plop down beside her with an enthusiastic “yes!”. Like an overly-attached dog, Tamaki’s face soon found itself bundled into the crook of her neck, pouting as she put the pencil down but refused to set the workbook aside. It only took one whining “Haruhi…” before she was groaning and setting the papers on the coffee table too. 

With that, Tamaki was free to monopolize her space, humming contentedly as his arms shifted to curl around her torso.

“You’re incorrigible, you know,” she said, eyes crinkling with the beginnings of a smile.

“I know,” he mumbled.

“Happy now?”

A ruffle of hair against her chin as he nodded. “Mhm.”

For the first time in a while, Haruhi didn’t sigh. It always ended like this — Tamaki curling up against her like a personal heater, turning inward like she was all he ever needed. It made her wonder why, sometimes; why he cared so much, why he bothered, why exactly he saw what he saw in her. But it was difficult to hold onto those worries when he was holding onto her even tighter. When he was going out of his way to leave her spare umbrellas on rainy days, to buy her favorite giant tuna at the store, to bring home facemasks with cute little raccoons he said looked “just like her.” It was like he catalogued every little thing about her, kept them pressed in the notebook of his mind like flowers he never let wilt. 

When she sniffled, he shifted to look at her. His eyes bore into her like violets, and when his mouth opened he breathed lilac, words landing rose-tinted against her skin: “You okay?”

In response, she ducked her embarrassingly watery eyes against the sunflower strands of his hair. “Yeah…” Then, she nosed her way to his skin, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. Something familiar and warm bloomed in her chest. It unfurled in petals of sunshine and rushing water, and it occurred to her that she must be the luckiest person in the world to feel it.

“…I just love you.”

She didn’t have to see Tamaki’s face to know something was blossoming within him too, curling into a smile on his lips.

“I love you too.”

© written by sunderingstars. do not copy, repost, translate, modify, or claim my work as your own.

[xiaoshengnu]

𝕸𝖞 𝕵𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖊𝖞 𝖙𝖔 𝖄𝖔𝖚 (2023)

overview : episode no - 24 | genre - wuxia

yun weishan has only ever known darkness. brought up and honed from a young age to become a spy under the mysterious sect wufeng, she longs for freedom. the drama begins as she is sent on a mission into the gong family, the enemy sect of wufeng. if she succeeds, freedom she gets. surrounded by schemes and treachery with possible death looming on both sides, yun weishan must navigate the dangerous waters of the gong family and her own turbulent emotions towards her target, gong ziyu.

l⃣e⃣ t⃣’ s⃣    b⃣e⃣g⃣i⃣n⃣

YALL THIS DRAMA. THIS DRAMA. this drama was simultaneously the worst and best thing I have experienced in a long time. however, if I could only use one word to describe this drama, it would 100% be stunning. the drama is absolutely stunning. from the music to the costuming to the makeup to the actors- this drama's visuals is quite frankly something never seen before in chinese dramaland- its so dark and brooding and so cool. the plot on the other hand...? let's get into it.

o⃣u⃣t⃣     o⃣ f⃣     t⃣ e⃣ n⃣

𝖕𝖑𝖔𝖙 - 3/10

𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 - 7/10

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 - 7/10

𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 - 10/10

𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕖 - 6.7

o⃣u⃣t⃣    o⃣ f⃣    f⃣ i⃣v⃣ e⃣

𝖍𝖎𝖉𝖉𝖊𝖓 𝖌𝖊𝖒 𝖛𝖆𝖑𝖚𝖊 - 💎💎💎💎💎

[ honestly, this drama is pretty unique I have to give it that much. in every way. the characters? the premise? and the style? I think the visuals alone grants it it's five gem value. ] 

𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖆𝖙𝖈𝖍 𝖛𝖆𝖑𝖚𝖊 - ✨✨✨

[ despite the plot that is quite literally held up by like two stitches, I would probably rewatch it for the characters, but probably not think too deeply about the drama's construction as a whole because honestly- it would frustrate me to no end. ]

‘keep reading’ for detailed review

 𝖕𝖑𝖔𝖙 - 3

okay- hear me out y'all. I know people absolutely LOVE this drama and I am one of them, but I have to admit the logic in this plot sucks ass. like it really sucks ass. recently i heard a youtuber describe the characters as people who thought they were zhen huan but in reality were just a bunch of xia dongchuns and it really made me laugh- and guys... unfortunately, its true. some of the methods that the characters use to scheme and idk "verbally spar" honestly were just so- sigh. so ridiculous.

generally speaking, I felt that the drama didn't really have a "thread" or a central purpose, which I think is mainly a result of the build up to the ending. it failed to answer so many questions and instead made it worse by creating even more. overall, the plot kind of just felt like wading through a gigantic mud marsh with pointless confrontations and plot points popping up everywhere. the scriptwriters gave the drama a super complex framing that they just weren't able to do justice. two powerful sects and two people from completely opposing sides. one is an assassin-spy that initially (?) yearns for freedom and one is the leader of the sect that she is trying to destroy. add to that all the scheming that goes on the gong family. and a lot of childhood trauma. that's a shit-tonne of emotion and plotting to deal with which you can't realistically develop to a good quality within just 24 episodes.

I also got the vibe that the scriptwriters were scared to pin point any of their characters down for the sake of mystery, which honestly instead of making the drama better, really just made it worse. so many characters' motives were constantly doing 180s and big revelations were thrown in without any evidence of it being interlaced with the rest of the drama (I'm looking at you Big Plot Twist At End of Drama). like, the general concept was amazing, show-stopping, fantastic, never seen before, but then came the execution and it all just sort of fell apart.though I did enjoy the plot and watched the show until the end, ultimately I felt that there was honestly just too many frustrating flaws to justify it getting anything higher than 3. I loved the drama all the same though, the concept, the music and cinematography was just insane.

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 - 7

ugh all the characters in this show where literally sO COOOLLL. they all had such distinctive characters, styles and personalities, it was amazing. honestly, literally never seen before. their tragic backstories were so so heartbreaking. while plot wasn't fantastic, the drama was pretty good at establishing and handling the characters and their emotional attachments to each other. its kinda funny to me that for a drama which marketed romance as it's main thing, the non-romantic relationships were so much better written. I loved yun weishan and yun que's relationship to their master han yasi and the relationship between xue chongzi and xue gongzi. and omg, gong ziyu's relationship to lady wuji? brought me to tears.

speaking of the romance department; I found it really hard to invest in the ships. while I approved of all the pairings and thought a romantic dynamic between them would be very interesting, it did feel like the storytelling was yet again lacking. I couldn't be sure wether I could really invest and ship the romance between shangguang qian and gong shangjue bcs both their motives were so unclear, and neither of their feelings towards one another were never really explored properly? and while I definitely understood yun weishan's attraction to gong ziyu, I didn't really get why gong ziyu loved her and risked so much for her which made some of his actions seem really silly and hard to stand by. overall, for the romance, i think I liked what it had the potential to be than what we actually got.

𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 - 10

Y'ALLL. time to talk about my absolute FAVOURITE part of this drama. THE PRODUCTION. the colouring, the lighting, the sets, the cinematography?? the makeup? the music? the costume design?? THE COSTUME DESIGN?? its quite obvious that a huge amount of the budget for this drama has simply been poured into the design, like I've seriously never seen a drama shot like this ever before and it was absolutely insane (though they definitely had to cut down on the cast and extras, the whole drama has this weird kind of empty feeling for a manor that is so rich and famous and so tightly guarded, like yun weishan didn't even get a personal handmaiden) I remember seeing the trailers for this show and literally screaming- the drama itself did not disappoint. I would even go as far to say that I would watch this drama completely just for the aesthetics.

𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 - 7

in my personal opinion, no complaints about the acting, it was pretty great. although it's pretty dramatic at times and everyone speaks at the volume of a whisper, at no point in the drama did I get taken out of the show by the acting. esther yu really slayed in her new assassin role which was so fun to watch especially since most of her roles thus far have been rather cutesy and light- and her marital arts scenes ate- in fact all the martial arts scenes ate in my opinion. I think even the side characters did fairly well, it was all very nice. no complaints.

.

.

𝖇𝖔𝖓𝖚𝖘!!

favourite character(s) : 

yue gongzi ( who doesn't love an angsty angsty man? he's literally the definition of that teary wet cat meme and I love that for him ) 

xue chongzi (yet another angsty man- you can see a pattern forming lmao- his arc at the end was literally so heartbreaking. one of my favourite characters from this show fr. )

.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖜 (source mydramalist)

lead actors : esther yu, zhang linghe, lu yuxiao, cheng lei

director : guo jingming, luo luo

screenwriter : guo jingming

[hxly-fxther]

OOC;

I think it’s about time I talked about my thoughts on the event.

I would like to say, first, I appreciate and respect everyone who has attended this event and even more to those who had stuck around this far and to those who have participated as an “Antagonistic force” of the story. I deeply appreciate all the work that everyone has put in, the effort, determination and interest. It’s very nice to see how much this has impacted everyone involved. I have seen everyone grow steadily with their muses and quality of writing. This verse has achieved what I have wanted from it which was two things-

1. Bring people together who otherwise would never had the chance to write with one another.

2. Push characters to their limits and beyond to see who they truly are or offer a different perspective on their characters that writers otherwise wouldn’t.

I would say overall, I am happy and proud of everyone and the verse itself. There’s been so many good moments that I will cherish for the rest of my life and I hope that is the same for others.

However.

This is my first and quite possibly only event I will ever create and possibly attend as this endeavor has taken so much out of me to put together. Playing this role means to keep up with everything and everyone and while I do have help, which I do appreciate, at the end of the day I am the one who drives where the story is headed. Having so many things happen at once and trying to come with sensible conclusions that make everyone involved happy or content with the decision is next to impossible and more so heavily stressful on my shoulders.

It has been difficult to come onto this blog and continue things and the longer I take the more lore, need to conclude things piles onto my shoulders. I see everyone else becoming restless and burnt out just as I am.

I want to deliver a good ending but I believe it wouldn’t matter what ending we get as long as it’s the “good” ending. It feels as though whatever is delivered will be met with a sigh of relief instead of a feeling of profound feeling of accomplishment and earning that victory.

To be a little blunt, it has been almost eight months since this began and even longer when the thought of all of this had even been considered. I never planned for this to go on so long and I’m just stuck. There’s a lot demanded of me and I cannot even enjoy my muse outside of the event because almost everything I say is taken as something that’s compared to the event which locks what I can and can’t do on here to a degree that’s put such a heavy roadblock on this character.

It has been a stressful last couple of weeks between muse drama, mun drama and trying to work everything cohesively together and I have finally hit the point where I can no longer juggle what I used to be able to. I know this may discourage others and I am sorry, I have done what I can and I very much do plan on finishing this story but I cannot promise a ending that wraps everything in a nice bow like I would have liked.

Admitting that makes me… Upset. Sad. Everything. I once had multiple panic attacks a week with how I was going to finish all of this up but now I’ve become so jaded much like all of you that I just simply want it to end however way possible. The writings on the wall and it is ever unfortunate that this all needed to be said because this is or perhaps was, my biggest accomplishment I have ever managed in any given RPC.

I will not point fingers nor will I allow anyone to point fingers, if anyone has failed it was me. Lack of writing, energy, and too much leniency on my end has caused a lot of this and where the load was supposed to become lighter got heavier and it’s become too much.

I am sorry. At the home stretch I’ve failed you all and there is no better way to put how disappointed I am of myself for letting things become so difficult.

Again. I want to make it clear, that I love this verse, there has been so many great things that has come from it and I do have plans for an ending soon and we can all finally rest and have those conclusions we have planned for.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I know it is not the most encouraging read and rather unexpected. But I would like for everyone to take a minute and think about all the good that has come to you on your end of the verse and simply enjoy that for even a moment. If all of you can do that then the purpose of this “unification” ideology would have served its purpose to its fullest.

I will see you all soon.

-Shade❤️🎥

[kaijuposting]

Details about Hermann Gottlieb's personality in the novelization that (probably) came from the bio written by Guillermo del Toro.

With Newt and Hermann's bios never being posted on Guillermo del Toro's Twitter account like Mako, Raleigh, and Pentecost's were, I decided to try and comb the novelization for information that might have been derived from their bios, based on it dovetailing with Guillermo del Toro's general writing style and habits. The following is a list of personality/psychological-related stuff that I currently believe were based on Hermann's bio: Psych evaluation reveals fundamental need to create distance between self and any problem, using data and mathematics as buffer. Obsessive neatness of person and workspace also reveals this impulse to maintain controlling distance. Currently estranged from father due to differences of opinion about value of Jaeger project as opposed to Pacific Perimeter Program. Inveterate filer of complaints, primarily against Kaiju Science colleague Dr. Newton Geiszler (q.v.). PPDC psychological staff recommends accepting but not acting on these complaints. (p. 73-74) Note: The above comes from Hermann's personnel dossier. Since Mako, Raleigh, and Pentecost's dossiers are all very clearly abridged versions of the bios Guillermo del Toro wrote, one can assume it's the same for Hermann's. Also, filing ridiculous complaints is very much the kind of thing del Toro might play for laughs, similar to how the character of Tom Manning was used for comedy in Hellboy and Hellboy II: The Golden Army. He [Newt] went to the fridge and dug around in it until he had half a salami and cheese sandwich, some German potato salad, and a bag of baby carrots that belonged to Hermann. (p. 98-99.)

Note: Guillermo del Toro's character bios pretty much always mention a number of specific food items characters enjoy eating.

numbers language of the universe and they will hide me I can hide behind them because they are never angry they are never wrong they choose no sides and expect nothing they are purely themselves and will never betray me ... Gottlieb was soldering together a robot can I build an intelligence that will pass a Turing test and if I could of course I can I must never say anything about it until it is done or Father will (p. 268-269) Note: The above is supposed to represent Hermann's stream of consciousness during his drift with Newt and baby Otachi, hence the odd writing style. With problematic to horrible fathers being a common element in del Toro's work, I think it's a safe guess that this was all based on his bio. Unfortunately, the novelization omits Hermann's POV except for when he drifts with Newt, so there isn't a lot of material here. But what there is suggests that Hermann was conceptualized as a deeply traumatized individual who tries to avoid conflict wherever possible, likely to the point of avoiding people when he can, and trying to supplicate them when he can't. This, I believe, is evidenced in the elevator scene, where Newt says "Hermann! These are human beings! Why don't you say hello?", and where Hermann (unsuccessfully, lol) tries to head off potential conflict with Raleigh with "You'll have to excuse him, he's a kaiju groupie; he loves them." (And speaking of the elevator scene, if you haven't seen the extended version where Newt addresses Raleigh as "guy" and tells Hermann to stop saluting Pentecost yet, you should!)

It also seems that Hermann was imagined as someone who tries to cope with all the things he can't control by controlling everything that he can - one notable example being 50% of the k-sci lab. It would appear that "no kaiju entrails on my side of the room!" doesn't just indicate a desire to keep his space physically clean, but it's also indicative of his ongoing refusal to let the chaotic and unpredictable Newt inside emotionally.

So yeah, it would really be great if all of the character bios were released (not to mention the 250 page universe bible... sigh), but... since they aren't, I'm just gonna have to resort to doing stuff like this, lol.

[atwooozi]

Almost Perfect (Sebastian x Fem!Farmer) Chapter 21: Flaws and All

Warnings: Slow burn, personal struggles, anxiety, depression, eventual smut

Summary: The Allers-Armstrong family attempts an unusual rehearsal dinner to prepare for a guest. (check the author's notes for content warnings.)

A/N: CW: emotionally heavy and talks about anxiety

Hello everyone! As it turns out I'm a liar and I am posting today instead of next Thursday. I'm honestly so happy that I was able to write this chapter. I actually have a beta reader for the other WIP that I'm currently working on and she's been so helpful with helping me think more deeply about character motivations and dialogue. If you wanna check out some of her stuff she goes by Zark or Linotte-Miller on tumblr. I think her writing is beautiful and I'm actually going to be helping her with her WIP once she's out of the planning phase so I'm really excited.

READ ON AO3

Chapter 21: Flaws and All

Fall 11

“I don’t think normal families do this,” Maru said as she took her seat at the table.

The “this” that Maru was referring to was a rehearsal dinner of sorts. And she was right, normal families didn’t do this, but the Allers-Armstrong wasn’t the most functional family, unfortunately. A good dinner in their house was one where no one talked, so a rehearsal dinner was practically a necessity if they were going to have a guest over who wasn’t Sam or Abigail. 

Sebastian snorted as he took his seat across from her. “What makes you think we’re a normal family?” 

“I think the term is nuclear family,” Demetrius interjected, obviously only half listening as he took his seat at the table.  

Maru and Sebastian exchanged glances, but neither bothered to correct Demetrius. Correcting him right now would open a can of worms that would most likely bleed into tomorrow’s dinner. Angeline didn’t need to deal with that. In all honesty, Sebastian didn't want her to see the cracks in his family-life.

“Do you think spaghetti is too simple for tomorrow?” Robin asked as she took her seat at the table. Tonight they were eating salmon. Sebastian honestly loved all the meals that his mom cooked. He was just grateful that she would make enough for him even when he didn't join them at the table most nights. Sebastian couldn't help but feel worried when he watched his mom frown as she looked down at her plate. 

Although this dinner was his mom's idea he didn't want her to stress over it. It was supposed to be fun…but why did it put such a pit in his stomach? It wasn't even just him, but his mom too. She was always so confident so if even she was worried then he must be doomed. 

“I think we should have bean hotpot,” Demetrius suggested as he picked at his salad. 

Sebastian made a face at Demetrius’ suggestion and shook his head. "No–Mom... Look, I think spaghetti is fine.” He did his best to reassure her. “I don’t really think Angeline is going to care.” 

“Maybe we should make rhubarb pie, too?” Maru suggested, also doing her best to be helpful. 

“Is rhubarb even in season right now?” Robin questioned.

“Oh yeah…” Maru pursed her lips and shrugged. “I don’t think we should just do spaghetti, though.” 

Robin nodded, “Yeah, I think it’s too simple.” She looked over to Sebastian, pointing her fork in his direction to emphasize what she was saying. “Text Angeline and ask her what she likes.” 

“Now?” Sebastian asked with a frown. 

“Now.” 

Sebastian felt conflicted as he hesitated to reach for his phone. Not that he ever cared before, but Demetrius hated when phones were out at the table. Something about it keeping a person from being present. Yet, Demetrius would read a newspaper or some scientific journal during dinner and that was never considered an issue. Regardless–Sebastian didn't want to create a problem that could easily be avoided. 

“Yeah, you should do it now.” Maru agreed. “That way someone can go to the store before it gets too late.” 

Sebastian sighed as he pulled out his phone. He didn’t realize it until now but his palms were sweating. He wasn’t sure if it was his nerves, the heat, or both. Not only were his palms clammy, but his fingers were trembling. 

He swallowed thickly as he tried to will his hands to stop shaking, but it didn’t work. If anything, the shaking got worse. He balled his freehand into a fist to make the shaking stop. 

“I thought we all agreed on no phones at the dinner table?” Demetrius said as he watched Sebastian with a disapproving look. 

Sebastian frowned as he looked between his Demetrius and his mom. At this point, he wanted to text Angeline and tell her not to come. He wanted to lie and say that Maru had the flu so they’d have to reschedule. With the way his heart was pounding in his chest, he felt like he might faint. 

This is a bad idea. 

“Oh stop,” Robin said as she nudged Demetrius’ shoulder. “I told him to.”

Demetrius frowned and gave a shrug not saying much more, but it was obvious how he felt about it by the face he made. It made Sebastian grit his teeth because no matter what he did Demetrius would have a problem. If he didn’t listen to his mom he’d get a lecture. If he said no he wouldn’t text Angeline he’d get a lecture. If he broke the stupid dinner rules he’d get a disapproving look. He couldn’t win.

“I don’t want to have this dinner tomorrow,” Sebastian admitted in the steadiest voice he could manage. 

“What?” Robin shifted in her seat to give Sebastian her full attention. “Why not Sebby?”

Sebastian just shook his head. He couldn’t say what he wanted to say. No, that wasn’t it. It was that he shouldn’t say it. He shouldn’t tell his fucked family that they were the reason that he wanted to cancel the dinner. How could he say that without it coming out horribly wrong and leading to an argument that he knew would get him kicked out of the house? How could he say that without breaking his mother's heart? He refused to do that. 

He swallowed his words and took a deep breath. He wanted to be calm. He needed to be calm. But he couldn’t look up at them as he said the words, so instead, he looked down at the table. 

“...I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”  

Robin and Maru exchanged concerned glances before looking back over to Sebastian, waiting for him to continue. They sat in silence for a few tense minutes. No one ate, no one dared to say a word, the only movement came from Demetrius as he looked over whatever journal he had brought with him to the table. It all felt so suffocating. Between the arbitrary rules and the heavy tension that infected this house Sebastian felt like he couldn't breathe. 

Sebastian couldn’t bring Angeline here. If he did she’d hate him. He was sure of it. She would see all his weak parts he tried his best to hide. The only person that made him feel normal wouldn’t want anything to do with him anymore and he couldn't take that hit. 

Sebastian stood up from the table abruptly, causing the table to clatter and quickly made his way out the door. Doing his best to ignore his mom’s and sister's calls for him as he ran away. He needed to get out before the situation became worse. It wasn’t the smartest move, but he wasn’t sure what else he could do at the moment.  

Without realizing it, Sebastian was making his way down the mountain path to Angeline’s farm. Usually, when Sebastian needed to clear his head he’d either run off to Zuzu or hide out with Linus for a bit, but instead he was making his way to Angeline’s. Just the thought of her made him feel a bit more relaxed. She was his new safe place and as sweet as that was, it was equally just as terrifying. 

Sebastian gulped as he stood in front of Angeline’s farmhouse. He wanted to run through the door and just collapse in her arms much like a child would do after a long day at school. He felt so emotionally exhausted. Would Angeline regret liking him if she saw him like this? He didn’t want to know. 

“...Sebastian?” 

Sebastian felt his heart stop when he heard Angeline’s voice call out to him. It was so gentle and full of concern. It made him feel so much lighter. And while that feeling was so comforting he could feel fear creeping into the back of his mind. He didn't want his happiness to depend completely on another person. It was too fast to be so attached, but he couldn't help it. 

He really didn’t want her to see him so broken, but he could only hide it from her for so long. He reluctantly turned around to face her and he felt his heart start to beat once more, almost painfully fast. 

She didn’t say anything as she walked towards him. Without any hesitation, she wrapped her arms tightly around him, nuzzling her face into his neck as she held him close. 

It took Sebastian a moment before his body was able to respond to Angeline’s touch, but he returned the hug, holding her just as tightly to him. And without realizing it tears were rolling down his cheeks. He didn’t even know he was crying until his chest heaved as he sobbed into Angeline’s shoulder. 

And what did she do while he cried? Angeline rubbed gentle circles along his back as she gently cradled his head, letting him cry into her now tear-stained shirt. She didn’t try to say anything or try to get him to stop. She just let him cry and he had never felt so thankful before in his life.       

Angeline continued to hold Sebastian close, offering a silent comfort that he desperately needed. His sobs gradually subsided, leaving him feeling drained but slightly more at peace. The warmth of her embrace soothed his raw nerves that had been building steadily up for days.    

“Do you want to come inside?” Angeline asked softly, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Sebastian nodded, not trusting himself to speak just yet. Angeline gently took his hand and led him into the farmhouse. It smelled faintly of pine, much like his own house, but unlike there this place felt more like home. It was small, but it felt cozy. It didn’t carry the same tense atmosphere that he was used to. He felt welcome. 

“Sit, I’ll get you something to drink,” Angeline said, guiding him to a chair at the kitchen table. 

Sebastian sat down, his legs felt like they could give out at any moment. He watched as Angeline moved around her small kitchen to get him a glass of water. He didn’t think it was necessary for her to dote on him like this, but he appreciated it. 

Angeline poured him a glass of water and placed it in front of him before taking a seat across from him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked gently, her eyes filled with concern. 

Sebastian took a sip of water, trying to gather his thoughts. He wasn’t sure exactly how to go about telling her that his family was a dysfunctional mess, but he also knew that keeping it all inside wasn’t helping him either since he basically had an emotional breakdown in her front yard. 

“It’s just…” His voice was hoarse from crying. He tried his best to clear his throat before he continued. “My family is a mess a-and I don’t want you to see that.” 

Sebastian looked away from Angeline and found himself staring at the floor. “I don’t want you to see me like this…”  

Angeline reached across the table and took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently. “Sebastian, I care about you, no matter what.” 

Her words felt like a lifeline that he wasn’t even aware that he needed. She pulled him back from the edge of his own despair. He took a deep breath and looked back at her feeling a bit stronger than he did just moments ago. 

“I’m scared that if you see my family…if you see me, you’ll change your mind,” he admitted. 

Angeline’s expression softened, and she stood up, walking around the table to kneel beside him. Sebastian tried to shrink away from her from his chair, but he couldn’t escape her gaze. She looked at him with eyes filled with unwavering support. 

“Sebastian, I like you,” Angeline said firmly. “I want to be there for you through all of it.”

“But–”

Angeline shook her head. “ All of it. ”

Sebastian pulled her into a tight embrace, holding her close as if she could disappear in an instant if he were to let go. 

“Thank you.”

Angeline hugged him back just as tightly, she made him feel as if he wasn’t so alone. He felt whole. They stayed like this for a while, finding solace in each other’s embrace. Eventually, Angeline pulled back slightly and gave him a reassuring smile. 

“Wanna sit on the porch?” She suggested. “Some fresh air might be good.” 

Sebastian nodded and reluctantly let Angeline go. They stood up and walked out of the cabin, hand in hand. The sun was setting, casting a warm glow over the acres of land. The view from the mountains was beautiful, but it was just as nice if not better from the farm.

Angeline pulled Sebastian down to sit with her, leaning against the wall. With her by his side, he felt like he could face anything. He wasn’t alone anymore. Not as long as he had her there. 

They sat there silently, watching the sun dip below the horizon. Angeline leaned her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around her, holding her close. 

“Hey.” Sebastian broke the silence.

Angeline glanced up at him. “Hey.” 

“Could you picture me living on a farm?” 

Angeline giggled and nuzzled up to Sebastian. “Is it possible to be an emo farmer?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes and if he wasn't so emotionally exhausted he'd probably laugh a little at Angeline’s lame joke. He felt a sense of calm settle over him as he sat there on Angeline’s porch looking up at the stars. If he could pick a moment to live in it would be this moment. He’d stay here forever. 

[sjsmith56]

So Far Apart, Chapter 17 - Eyes of the Father

Summary: Still stunned by Bucky’s behaviour, Lacey decides to move to the city, hoping for a more normal life. After giving himself up, Bucky undergoes assessment before he is allowed to live in Brooklyn.

Length: 4.6 K

Characters: Lacey, Terry, Tommy. Bucky, Sam, John Walker, Flag Smashers.

Warnings: idiots in love, Bucky feeling adrift.

Author notes: This chapter covers several episodes of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.  Rather than duplicate all the dialogue I chose to paraphrase the interactions with the characters and create new dialogue where needed.  In making the Wattpad mood board for this chapter I put the title in an open space and realized that "So Far Apart" didn't just refer to Bucky and Lacey but also to the dynamics between Lacey and Clint, forcing her to leave the safety of the farm, Bucky and Dr. Raynor, Bucky and Leah, Bucky and Isaiah Bradley, and finally Bucky and Sam.   I love serendipitous discoveries like that.   Please reblog and comment as it helps the creative process.

<<Chapter 16

🚸 🍣 🚛

Lacey didn't want to hear it anymore so she walked outside in the middle of Clint telling her again about Bucky trying to give him a letter to her. As she could hear his anger erupting even further she walked towards the tree house, wiping the tears away from her face. She wished Clint had taken the letter so she could at least begin to understand why Bucky left her. There had to be a reason but until she heard it from Bucky herself everything else was speculation. Her phone, stuck in the back pocket of her jeans, rang and she pulled it out, standing in the middle of the field.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Lacey," said the clipped accented voice of Shuri. "I thought you would be at the memorial."

"I couldn't," replied Lacey. "Was Bucky there?"

"Yes, he was there," said Shuri carefully. "He looked terrible, like a man full of regret."

"Good," said Lacey. "What did he tell you?"

"That he made a terrible decision and hurt someone he loves," said the young scientist diplomatically. "Based on what he told me I think it was his PTSD that was talking."

"Well, I guess that can always be used as an excuse," replied Lacey bitterly. "He left me in the middle of sex, Shuri. Pulled out, took the condom off, said we were a mistake and left. What kind of man does that?"

Shuri sighed. "A man who is still afraid of his memories," she said patiently. "He had a vision of something the Soldier did and it frightened him as he thought he was capable of doing it to you. He flinched when I touched his arm; a sign of regression.

Lacey could feel her throat constricting as sobs threatened to overwhelm her. She breathed deeply several times trying to deal with it.

"Then it would have been better if he stayed away until he could deal with them," she finally said. "I can't be jerked around like that; not by any man. You tell him when he has his shit together I'll talk to him. Until then he should just stay away."

Shuri sighed again. This was going to be harder than she thought. "He has already turned himself in and we are leaving for Wakanda within the hour," she stated. "I don't know when I will see him again."

"Well, that's unfortunate for him then," answered Lacey curtly, then she softened her tone. "Look, I still love him but he hurt me deeply when he did that. Tommy is devastated. Until Bucky fixes himself Tommy and I can't be around him. If that's harsh then that's how it is. Thank you for trying though."

She broke the connection and kneeled down in the grass, feeling like she wanted to throw up. At first she was going to stay here on the farm but with Clint being so angry at Bucky she wasn't sure that was good for her and Tommy either. She heard her name and saw Terry coming towards her. Surprisingly he had said nothing derogatory about Bucky which surprised her. Standing up she faced her big brother.

"Clint is still pissed," he said. "I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it's time we moved on."

"I was just thinking that," she replied. "I could buy a new farm but honestly, I'm missing city life right now."

"How do you feel about moving to Philadelphia?" he asked. "I just got a text from my renter. They're moving out. Three bedrooms, penthouse. It's the only thing I own outright. Nancy will be nearby as well."

"I accept," said Lacey. "There's a school nearby, right? As long as I walk Tommy to and from school he should be safe. What will you do?"

"I've put out feelers to the university about coaching," he replied. "I think I would be good at it. Being around Tommy helped put things into perspective."

"You haven't said anything about Bucky," she stated.

He took a deep breath and looked away briefly. "Before you came down the stairs that night he and I were having a good talk," he said. "I think whatever he said to you, whatever he did, came from a place of fear that overwhelmed him. He was likely afraid of physically hurting you because that's the only thing I can see making him leave you. He just needs to find himself again. Then you have to forgive him."

"I don't know if I can," replied Lacey. "I don't know if Tommy can."

"You forgave me," he declared. "I was terrible to you many times over. Your forgiveness saved me. At some point you can save him with three words. That's the last I'll say about it."

They walked back to the house where Laura had finally succeeded in calming Clint down. Lacey thanked them for sheltering them for so long then announced that she, Tommy and Terry were planning to live in Philadelphia.

"What about your safety?" asked Clint. "You'll be visible there."

"If Sharon Carter could find me here I can be found anywhere," said Lacey. "I'll let SHIELD know and see if Wong can put a protection spell on the apartment. It's a penthouse, with its own elevator, right?"

She looked at Terry for confirmation. "Yeah, it's very secure," he replied. "I rented it out when Lacey asked me to live here during the Blip. Now that your family is back it's better if we give you your privacy. I'll be there. We can walk Tommy to and from school. It's time we started living normally."

Three weeks later they said goodbye to the Bartons and began the long drive to Philadelphia. They stopped in Toledo staying at a motel for the night then drove the rest of the way the following day with both of them sharing the driving. When they arrived at the apartment building the concierge let them into the underground parking and handed the pass keys to Terry, welcoming him back after his time away. The trip up the elevator took only a minute and when they got out Terry was happy to see his tenants had kept it up. The furniture and appliances still looked good and it was obvious a cleaning company had been in.

"They even bought us new bedding," he called out when he went into his room. "Nice people." He went out and picked up Tommy's bag leading him to a bedroom. "This can be your room. We'll get a desk and a computer for school work. There's a sports field nearby where we can toss the football around."

Tommy hugged his uncle while Lacey went to the third bedroom and put her bag on the bed. She could hear the traffic noise outside but it wasn't as bad as she expected. As she pulled her clothes out of the bag the origami heart fell out, along with the picture of Bucky in Bucharest. She picked both up and looked at them, then placed them in the nightstand with a sigh. Why did loving someone have to be so hard sometimes?

After a major grocery shopping expedition, and a phone call to the school for an appointment to register Tommy the next day the three of them sat down to a meal and began what they hoped would be a relatively normal life in Philadelphia. Terry was successful in becoming the receiver's coach for the university football team and would be checking in there the following day. Lacey had already advised her publisher of the move. Her bank account was healthy and she had an idea for her fourth book. She would be able to write in the apartment without interruption once Tommy began school. It was a new start and she would make the best of it.

🛌 💭

It was the Hotel Inessa in Russia. The Soldier burst through the wall and took out the entire security detail of his target, a Russian oligarch. Then he grasped the target around the throat and squeezed.

"Hail HYDRA" were the only words he said just before the man slumped to the ground, dead.

The sound of a man breathing in fear and trying to put a key in a lock reached him and he looked to his left. A witness. Taking several steps towards him the Soldier focussed his attention on the man who was whimpering now, turning towards him in fear. Calmly he took the gun out of his holster, aimed it right between the man's eyes and pulled the trigger.

Bucky sat up, breathing heavily, as he woke from the nightmare. Ever since he started living in Brooklyn, it was this particular nightmare that haunted him. Even leaving the TV and the hallway light on didn't stop it. He sat there, trying to calm himself. The worst part was that until he made amends it wouldn't stop but this atonement was the hardest one yet. Hard because he made friends with the victim's father, Yori, and knew the man still suffered over the murder of his son. Sighing he got up off the makeshift bed he made on the floor. Bed, he smirked, ... it was a blanket and a couch cushion. Stepping into the shower he ran some shampoo through his now short hair and washed his face and body, rinsing off and stepping out within five minutes. The shaver took off some of the excess stubble from his jaw and chin, just enough so it wasn't a beard. He liked the feel of it when he rubbed his jaw with his flesh hand. After looking at himself in the mirror he turned away, disappointed with the man he saw.

After spending a month in a secure facility, then another month undergoing psychiatric evaluation he had finally been deemed "safe" to live amongst people. They even gave him his army pension, adjusted for the length of time he was a prisoner of HYDRA, also adjusted for inflation. It was enough to rent this small flat and eat out once in a while. His lawyer was still working on the claim for compensation; he had all the files from HYDRA which showed that certain high-ranking Army officials at the time, who were also HYDRA agents, knew he was alive and being tortured into becoming the Fist of HYDRA. Bucky figured it would be a long time, if ever, before he saw any of it.

He went to what was supposed to be his bedroom but really was just where he kept his clothes and put on his black jeans, long sleeve black T-shirt and black boots. Running his flesh hand through his still damp hair he styled it, somewhat, then noticed the picture of Lacey, stuck into the frame of the dresser mirror. It was the one he took from her place, the one the CIA confiscated when they arrested him in Leipzig. His lawyer went through a lot of trouble to get Bucky's possessions from that arrest returned to him. The only possessions he really cared about were that picture, her first and second book, the crucifix Eleni gave him, and his memory books. Even though he knew he had irreparably damaged the relationship with Lacey forever he still liked looking at the picture, reminding him of that day and night they spent together. He did wish he had a picture of Tommy, especially with his birthday coming up. With regret he realized he didn't have an address to send a birthday present to him. Some father.

Grabbing his black jacket he whirled out of the apartment and took the bus to his appointment with Dr. Raynor, his therapist. They were like oil and water. She wanted him to talk while he just wanted to be left alone. She brought up that he hadn't answered any texts from Sam. There was a reason for that ... Sam had given the shield to the Smithsonian deciding he wasn't up to being Captain America. Bucky knew he couldn't talk to him without the bitterness of that decision rearing its head.

Once again Dr. Raynor went over the three rules; don't do anything illegal, don't hurt anyone, and make sure the people he was atoning to knew he was no longer the Winter Soldier. He was James Bucky Barnes. It was exhausting talking to her and while he had no doubt about her qualifications he wished he could have had someone else. She didn't know about Lacey and Tommy; at least she hadn't said anything about them and he wanted to keep it that way.

After he left his therapy appointment he headed out for lunch and came across his friend, Yori, in the middle of an argument with a neighbour, Unique, or as he said like Monique but with a U because he was unique. Bucky did all he could to keep his eyes from rolling on that reasoning. To his embarrassment Yori set him up on a date with Leah, the server at the sushi bar they went to. Still, she agreed to it and he decided to follow through.

The following evening he showed up at the sushi bar with a bouquet of flowers because that's what guys did in his day. To her it was funny, describing the gesture as an old fashioned thing to do and he found himself on the defensive from the get go. She was nice but she wasn't Lacey and he found it uncomfortable when she brought up Yori's son, R.J. Partway through the meal Bucky excused himself, to Leah's confusion and went straight to Yori's apartment, intending to confess to R.J.'s death but he couldn't get the words out and instead paid Yori some money he owed him. That night he had the nightmare again and woke up on the floor, feeling like shit, once more.

A few days later Bucky received a gut punch when the American government announced a new Captain America on live TV, a man by the name of John Walker, a three time Medal of Honor winner. Bucky sat on the floor watching Walker's interview on TV and couldn't believe the bullshit coming out of the guy's mouth, especially when he described Steve as being like a brother to him. The sour taste in Bucky's mouth at that point was almost enough to make him throw up. He received a text the following day from Sam that he was going to Munich on a mission. Angry at him for what he considered a betrayal of everything Steve stood for Bucky showed up at the base, flashed his veteran's ID and went to the hangar that Sam would leave from. As Sam came down the stairs with Torres to board the aircraft Bucky walked right up to him and told him he shouldn't have given up the shield. Sam ignored the anger in Bucky's voice and kept walking, until he couldn't ignore what Bucky said next.

"You knew this would happen?" demanded Bucky.

"No, I didn't know," replied Sam. "The shield was supposed to be retired, never to be associated with any other man. I was just as blindsided by this as you were."

"Tell them you want it back," stated Bucky.

"I can't do that," answered Sam, frustrated. "I can't tell them I changed my mind just because I don't agree with their decision."

They went back and forth some more, each getting angrier and more frustrated with the other until Sam put his foot down and told Bucky he had something more important to deal with. He brought up a picture on his cell phone of a man with a black mask, covered by a red hand and told Bucky the guy was strong, too strong. Bucky wasn't impressed so Sam told him about the Flag Smashers and how they were causing incidents across Europe. Then they got into a nonsensical conversation about the big three, aliens, androids and wizards. In frustration Bucky invited himself along on the flight to Munich on a military cargo plane, picking up a go bag he just happened to bring. After changing into fighting clothes, and setting himself up with a comms piece, he sat and glared at Sam the entire flight. Suddenly Lt. Torres, the intelligence officer on board, called out 30 seconds and Sam jumped out of the aircraft using his wings. Bucky asked for a chute, was told there wasn't one and with a cocking of his head, tore his left sleeve off, jumping out of the aircraft without one being only 200 feet up. Crashing through the trees below him Bucky landed on the ground, flat on his back, only to have Sam laughingly tell him it was all on camera. Sam sent Red Wing to guide Bucky to where he was, inside a building where the Flag Smashers were loading a hijacked shipment of suspected weapons into different trucks.

When Sam used Red Wing's instrumentation to see a person sitting inside the back of the truck just before it and another truck left they interpreted it as a possible hostage situation. As Sam flew out of the warehouse Bucky ran, catching up quickly to the truck and opening the back door to get inside.

"These are all filed with medicines," said Bucky, once he was inside. Suddenly a young woman shyly poked her head out from behind one of the containers and Bucky greeted her. She went back behind the container and Sam's voice asked him what was going on. She came out again, looking scared. "I found a girl. She looks terrified."

A smile broke across her face and she kicked Bucky in the chest, right out of the truck and onto the front of the truck behind. He swore as he held on to the grille of the truck. She put a Flag Smashers mask on then leaped onto the cab of the second truck at the same time he was pulled up by two other mask wearing men. The three of them began beating him so Sam sent Red Wing to fire on them but the woman leaped up, grabbed it and destroyed it. In response, Sam landed on the truck and engaged the woman but she tossed him to the other truck which also had three mask wearing people on it and soon found himself on his back. Just as one of the Flag Smashers was about to hurt him an object came out of the sky, hitting the man and knocking him over. As both Sam and Bucky watched, the new Captain America, John Walker, and his second, Lemar Hoskins, landed on top of the moving trucks from a helicopter. Using the shield Walker was able to knock several of the others off. The other Flag Smashers resumed their attack and Bucky fell off the side, using his vibranium arm to slow his descent and hang on. Trapped underneath the chassis of the truck he was unable to get back up. Sam flew alongside of him just as the chassis began to come apart. Flying directly into him Sam grabbed Bucky and flew him through to the other side of the truck, rolling over and over until they came to rest in a field.

He lay on his back after rolling off Sam, looking up at the sky. "I think you were right about them," he announced grimly. "They're too strong. They have to be super soldiers."

"Tell me something I don't know," groaned Sam, still hurting from the tumble into the field.

They pulled themselves up and made their way to the road, both wondering how there were suddenly a group of super soldiers on the loose. While they walked an army vehicle drove up beside them with Walker and Hoskins in it. Walker talked to them about working together which irritated Bucky to no end. They finally agreed to take a ride back to the airport with them and Sam told the other two that those people were super soldiers. As they talked back and forth Bucky finally had enough with what he saw as two guys who didn't understand what they were really up against and he got out of the vehicle, walking towards a nearby town. Walker tried to convince Sam to join him and Hoskins but even Sam felt insulted by the attitude and also got out, catching up with Bucky.

"I'm not working with him, Sam," declared Bucky, turning suddenly. "Neither of them. They don't have a fucking clue."

"Look, I know you're still pissed about the shield," said Sam diplomatically. "He seems to think we owe him our assistance which considering how he talked down to both of us is the last thing either of us wants. But we can't allow ourselves to be affected to the point where we're on the outside, looking in."

They arrived at the train station and were able to purchase a couple of tickets to the airport. Neither said anything on the trip there and even on the flight Bucky sat brooding while Sam observed him. Bucky brought up taking the shield back but Sam pointed out the last time that happened Sharon had to go underground and both he and Steve were on the run for two years. Grimly, Bucky stood up and sat next to Sam, then looked at him seriously.

"You need to meet someone," he said quietly.

He wouldn't say anything more until they landed back in the States. After changing into civilian clothes they took a train to Baltimore and Bucky took Sam to an ordinary two story house. He knocked on the door and it opened to a young black man who looked suspiciously at both of them.

"We want to see Isaiah, please," said Bucky.

The young man who answered refused to let them in until Bucky said one more thing. "Look, tell him the guy from Goyang is here," he answered. "He's knows who I am."

The young man closed the door while they waited. Bucky offered little explanation and Sam began to wonder what was really going on. When they entered there was an old black man standing in a darkened living room, defiantly staring at them, especially Bucky. When he spoke to Bucky his voice was full of venom.

Bucky introduced Sam to him as Isaiah Bradley. By the conversation between Bucky and the old man Sam realized that Isaiah was another super soldier, one unknown to history. He had defeated the Winter Soldier in a physical confrontation in 1951, destroying his artificial arm. Isaiah's anger and bitterness spilled out of him as he detailed the reward he got from the military after defeating the Soldier, 30 years in prison and countless experiments performed on him as they tried to duplicate the serum that had worked on him. Bucky told him about the other super soldiers he and Sam encountered. But Isaiah didn't want to hear about it and ordered them out of his house. Sam was angry as they walked down the steps. Angry that there had been a black super soldier but no one knew about it. Angry that Bucky never told him before that day. Bucky explained he never told anyone about Isaiah, knowing that the man just wanted to live in peace.

Before Sam could say anything more a police siren sounded near them and two policemen got out of their squad car. Sam looked grimly at Bucky, expecting to be harassed for yelling at a white man. As the situation escalated Bucky finally asked if they knew who Sam was. Looking closely at them one of the cops whispered they were Avengers and suddenly their whole attitude changed. Another squad car pulled up with its lights flashing. The first two officers came back and apologetically told Bucky he was under arrest for missing his therapy appointment. Looking resigned at Sam, Bucky went with the two policemen, offered his hands to be cuffed and allowed himself to be put in the police car. Sam made his way to the station and waited to see if he could bail him out.

After some time an older woman approached him and introduced herself as Dr. Raynor, Bucky's therapist. At first Sam thought she had bailed Bucky out but she told him she had nothing to do with it. At that moment Walker and Hoskins walked in, indicating they had Bucky released on condition that he and Sam work with them. Dr. Raynor protested that Bucky's therapy wasn't finished but Walker claimed jurisdiction on him. Irritated at having her therapy schedule affected she ordered both Bucky and Sam into an interview room for a quick session. She tried several different techniques with them, seeing the hostility between them but neither would budge so she ordered them to face each other and gaze into each other's eyes, which disintegrated into a staring contest. Finally she got Bucky to share why he was so aggravated with Sam.

"Why did you give the shield back?" asked Bucky. "Steve believed that you could do this, could take his place. He believed in you and you act like it was nothing."

"You know nothing about it," said Sam defensively.

"So he was wrong for wanting the shield to go to someone he trusted," interrupted Bucky, his voice rising. "At least it looks that way to me. Maybe he was wrong about other people as well. Maybe...."

His voice broke and he couldn't complete the sentence as he glared angrily at Sam, who looked at him with a combination of sympathy and disappointment.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," replied Sam. "You likely won't understand because ...." Sam couldn't finish his sentence but Bucky could guess what he was going to say. He looked down, not accepting Sam's words which made the man angry. "We don't have time for this shit right now. Let's focus on the job we have to do and then we don't ever have to talk again. Okay? You happy?"

Sam got up and left. Dr. Raynor looked at Bucky, feeling that she had totally missed the mark on this session. Bucky left right after giving her a look from the doorway that said plenty. Outside Walker and Hoskins were waiting for them and once again asked Bucky and Sam to join them. Once again they declined. As they walked away Walker told them to stay out of his way. When they were some distance from the other two Bucky brought up that HYDRA might be involved and if it was there was someone they needed to bring in on the mission. Sam looked at Bucky in disbelief at first. He thought about it for a several moments then stopped.

"Alright, let's go see Zemo."

Chapter 18>>

Series Masterlist

Please support the author by reblogging.

[milkbreadtoast]

Your ouran thoughts are so *chef's kiss* thank you for pointing out the whole haruhi gender thing bc as a trans person myself it always rubbed me the wrong way too how it got treated

🥹🥹🥹THANK U FOR READING MY OURAN THOUGHTS... this is 1 of the first animes ive ever watched so its rly formative/influential for me and ive rewatched it several times over the yrs and noticed more things and watched my opinions of the show and charas grow and change... Haruhi is 1 of my first encounters(actually i think the first) w a nonbinary chara in media and I love everything about their chara and the way they were written (and I love the whole concept of them being the protag of a shoujo harem anime despite being nonbinary and very aro/ace... a host who woos girls at that)... I especially love the way she doesnt change herself for anyone, keeps being authentically herself the entire anime in a way that touches and changes the rest of the cast too... like 1 little detail that symbolizes this well is the personal pronouns they use in jp... Altho they tried using "ore" a few times causing tamaki to freak out (HE SHOULDVE LET HER😒).. the main personal pronoun they use is "jibun"(lit: self, oneself), and it's a gender neutral pronoun... and importantly, they consistently use "jibun", whether it's before becoming a host(in middle school, when passing/being seen as a "girl"), as a host(while passing/being seen as a "boy"), and just out in daily life... Just as she doesnt change herself or act differently in all those contexts, and is just authentically herself, regardless of how people see her... and consistent with her belief that gender and outward appearance doesn't matter, it's one's personality/who they are underneath that does...

Haruhi and Tamaki form strong narrative parallels to each other because they both suddenly came into the lives of all the other host club members, were able to see them for who they really are (and not just the facade they put on for others), and just by being their genuine selves, touch and impact them deeply, even alter the course of their lives (some more than others, like tamaki for kyouya and haruhi being the first 1 to be able to differentiate the twins)..... And this is why I think it's... unfortunate that Tamaki was written the way he was, as so close-minded in his views on gender(and sexuality), bc 1 of the core traits of his character is being otherwise open minded and extremely empathetic... the dichotomy of his chara is despite being a "vain idiot" obsessed w looks and himself, he still shows this surprising depth and ability to read others... And of course I don't think it's surprising at all for him to have these transphobic and homophobic views, given he's a teen with a rich sheltered upbringing and all, so it was prob just. Sigh. ingrained in him bc thats how he was raised but.... narratively, with the way his character is otherwise so open (and bro is literally bi too😭) it really is unfortunate... Like his openmindedness is 1 of the strongpoints of his character (like how he wasn't put off at all when he saw Kyouya's "true face"...) And I think it goes against his nature, so I hope that once he gets older he starts to listen to the trans/nb/gnc ppl in his life and change his views... LIKE HARUHI... WHICH IS WHY ITS SO STRANGE. That he never once listens to them abt their gender the entire series... and he cares abt her sm YET doesnt listen and repeatedly, stubbornly tells her shes wrong and that she needs to be more feminine.... ugh. Yeah it's painful... And then with the way the manga ends with haruhi marrying tamaki and having babies and growing her hair out and becoming more feminine, as if it was all just a phase... *Agonized* ...Tbh I really do think. That this is the product of the (presumably cis) author not knowing enough abt the trans(/queer/lgbt) experience to know what to do with the amazing, nonconforming characters they created... I really do feel like if Ouran was an anime made today, and the author was more informed about LGBT issues and experiences, Tamaki could've been written differently and maybe more accepting and open toward's Haruhi's views on gender... Sigh... Anyway rip. Tfw a work so virulently transphobic and homophobic and a product of its time can also have some of the most compelling trans and gay characters and have sm poignant scenes that stand the test of time... Ouran my problematic beloved 🥲🥹

[romaritimeharbor]

IM GOOD TOOOO!!! but omg that trope is top tier. have you ever considered.. dottore? now wait HEAR ME OUT i am a dottore hater at heart (JUSTICE FOR MY GIRL COLLEI) buttttt he is a good villain. and there’s something i love about a deeply fucked up character being soft for their child.

maybe he isn’t a traditional father but he loves them, and isn’t that enough? who’s to say whether it’s the love of a doting parent, or the love of a scientist and their prized creation... he would never harm a hair on their head, they are his most precious child after all! his hands are rough and unforgiving with his experiments, but they are oh so careful when he touches them. something about the juxtaposition of someone who is ruthless and cruel wiping their tears and holding them gently……. something something they are the one thing tethering him to his humanity, the one thing worth being human for……

idk just a thought ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

unfortunately i have... 😔 i am dottore's number one hater but. sigh.

something about being his prized creation--not a child he picked up off of the streets or otherwise attained but instead being something he created. something something uh the bond of creation between a scientist and the most advanced imitation of life that he was responsible for bringing into the world therefore technically making him their father ummmmm yeah! DUDE DO YOU THINK SCARAMOUCHE WOULD JUST HATE THEIR GUTS???? like imagine an insane ass mad scientist man caring more for his creation than a whole ARCHON did. why does dottore care about them in the way ei should, but does not, care about him? insane fr i feel like scara would not like them at all!! but anyways that's not the point <333 dottore is not a father in the traditional sense by any means but he still could not fathom harming a single hair on their pretty little head. most of humanity rejected him but they have not. something something his child giving him the approval and connection he never had with anyone else. Something ummm his child giving him a chance to be something more than just il dottore.

i swear i hate him so much do not let this decieve you!!!!!!

[bug-the-chicken-nug]

on my latest rwby au bullshit, which I think i will officially start to also tag as the "Silver Wolf" AU.

Silver Wolf AU: Premise

A combo of Ruby being a wolf faunus (on top of getting rid of the stupid rule about one trait because fuck that i want her to have the ears, tail, AND sharp teeth and nails) and having silver eyes, but silver eyed warriors now being considered like... this creepy-but-unfortunately-necessary group who barely anybody wants to really associate with, under fear of it "cursing" you. By extension, they are now known as "Witches" rather than "Warriors", regardless of gender. (This also makes it possible to just shorten it to 'Witch' and have it already be pretty obvious what a character is talking about, so it rolls off the tongue better, while also creating this uncomfortable implication that these people are put on the same level as Salem despite directly opposing her.) The "curse" is a more superstitious exaggeration of the unfortunate reality that associating with them really can put you at risk of becoming collateral when they're hunted down, on top of their eyes now being not all-or-nothing Grimm nuking, but instead having a sort of "level up" system, and the potential to unlock certain abilities that can affect people too. (the new common thread being that all of these abilities have to do with sensing and/or eliminating "darkness" and "negativity", not just Grimm) The fear of association, powers that can be directed towards humans, and the societal shunning would also do a lot to help explain exactly why Witches are so scattered and fragmented, and why people know so little about them. Because in canon, it just seems like they should be heroes who everyone should know about and have a vested interest in supporting.

Relationships:

Also, this AU would 100% be a Ladybug thing. Because I can just see Blake standing up for Ruby, and Ruby immediately being head over heels in response, but having no idea how to actually express it and also being paranoid that Blake will just think she's weird like everyone else. (And meanwhile Blake is paranoid about how Ruby will react if she finds out that Blake is technically a terrorist, and also friend/sister-zoning Ruby big time for the first few volumes, less out of a genuine lack of interest and more because of her subconscious fear of commitment)

Although there'd also be other fragments of Ruby ship teases, just because I imagine this version of her to have developed "gets a crush on anyone who's nice to her for five seconds" syndrome. (Yes I'm sorry, I know a ton of y'all hate Jaune but my Ruby's friendless, bullied, avoided, desperate-for-validation ass sees him being nice to her and unafraid of her for like ten seconds and is lowkey already thinking about a spring wedding.) This also includes a one-sided crush on Ozpin, just for how I think that'd be kinda narratively interesting and potentially a little fucked up. (Especially because the full nuance of why it's interesting can change depending on how grey this Ozpin's morals end up being. Is he subtly using it as leverage? Could this version of him be dickish enough to lead her on? Does he do it on purpose? Or does he even notice her feelings at all? Does he notice and subtly try to discourage it? What happens when he gets stuck in Oscar?) And a crush on Marrow, literally just because I think it'd be funny. Marrow: *obliviously friendly* Ruby: *practically ready to become Ruby Amin, just because he's a fellow Faunus, complimented Crescent Rose, and didn't say anything about her eyes* Blake, looking on: hmst,,, don't know why but. this is bad, actually. Weiss: *sighing deeply* you obviously know why. Meanwhile I figure Yang is human, because only Summer was a Faunus, and it kinda puts this weird Thing between her and Ruby where Ruby both greatly admires and envies her, but lowkey resents her, because she feels like Yang will never truly understand what she goes through, and gets to "have it easy". On her own end, Yang has had to sacrifice a lot of social opportunities to prioritize a good standing with Ruby, because even just admitting relation to Ruby makes people treat Yang differently anyway. So Ruby thinks of herself as a burden, and Yang is desperately trying to hide the fact that she *agrees* with Ruby, deep down. She thinks the burden is *worth it*, but she doesn't know a way of properly conveying "It's okay that you're a burden sometimes, I know it's not your fault, and I still love you even if I get frustrated with you sometimes" that doesn't make her feel incredibly guilty and paranoid that she sounds insincere. And finally (at least for now) I think this would be inch-resting for Adam because now Ruby has something that can actually give her something to do with him too, and make her feel more connected to the things that go on around her. She could even have weird mixed feelings on him, stemming from him seeing her silver eyes and not only expressing approval of them, but trying to get her to come around to his side, using the extra discrimination she's faced because of them to try and butter her up and manipulate her.

[damn-stark]

I posted 954 times in 2022

That's 2 more posts than 2021!

757 posts created (79%)

197 posts reblogged (21%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@damn-stark

@lanatheawesome

@robiinbuckley

@leahseclipse

@manny-jacinto

I tagged 716 of my posts in 2022

Only 25% of my posts had no tags

#damn-stark - 497 posts

#fanfiction - 446 posts

#stranger things fanfiction - 237 posts

#cherry - 228 posts

#attack on titan fanfiction - 199 posts

#stranger things - 173 posts

#strange - 165 posts

#attack on titan - 161 posts

#steve harrington fanfiction - 136 posts

#chispa - 122 posts

Longest Tag: 109 characters

#anyway now after i’ve written more stories i like to know the ending first so i can sculp the story from that

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Ch.14 The other woman

Chapter 14 of Strange

A/N- This chapter, this chapter is well…just find out!

Warning- Angst, swearing, some fluff, Talks of murder and death, grief and guns, jealousy, LONG CHAPTER.

Pairing- Steve Harrington x Hopper!fem-reader

Episode- 4x03, 4x04, 4x05

(Let me know if you wanna be tagged)

————

“…Y/N?”

You lick the pad of your finger so you can flip the magazine page easier.

“Hello?”

A sigh escapes your lips and you continue to dramatically flip the page with the tip of your fingers as you deliberately ignore Steve’s muffled calls that unfortunately found it’s way through the loud music playing through your headphones.

Are you an adult, are you in an adult relationship?

Yes to both, and that did mean that you did have to talk things out like the mature adult you are. And you really did want an explanation for what you just witnessed between Steve and Nancy, but, well your anger always gets the best of you no matter how much you try to avoid it.

And now was one of those perfect examples. It’s not one of your proudest traits that’s for sure.

“Y/N, baby…”

This time since you continued to ignore him, Steve pulled down the magazine with his finger and pulled your headphones off so you’d finally listen.

You sigh and roll your eyes over to him to add a blunt, “what?

“So?” Steve chose to ignore the attitude and finally tried to bring up the conversation that’s been bugging him ever since you left the trailer park. “Are we going to talk about it?”

You squint your eyes and play dumb. “Talk about what?” You quirk your eyebrow and slide your sunglasses to the top of your head.

Steve keeps his eyes on you and nods whilst he exhales deeply before he hints at what he wants to know. “Why you’re mad? I mean,” he pauses and brushes his fingers through his hair. “You were fine one minute and then the next you’re ignoring me, so tell me why you’re mad?”

You glance at Dustin in the back seat, and he quickly looks away the moment he caught you looking back.

“Not now,” you try to brush Steve off. “We’ll talk later.”

Steve scoffs. “What? No, just tell me now.”

You pick up the magazine again and open it back to your previous page. “Now's not the time, Steve. Later.”

As of now you were waiting for Max to get out of her counselors house with some information about Chrissy, so there was time. But well on the drive to the counselors house you did grow more upset by the minute since you got in your own head about what you saw going on between Steve and Nancy.

Now, you did try to really be reasonable, but again, your anger was a real bitch.

“No,” Steve didn’t hold back from trying to get the answer from you. “Let’s talk about it now because you’re obviously upset and I want to know why.”

Out of your own accord this time, you push the magazine to rest it on your lap while you let a deep breath unfurl from your nose before you shift in your seat to face Steve a bit better so you can give him what he wants. “Well if you really want to know now then, I’ll tell you.” You feign a smile.

Steve nods and shifts to face you all too cluelessly. “Please.”

See the full post

327 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#4

Ch.15 A fire in my blood

A/N- MORE ANGST!!! AND AND LISTEN TO HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO WHEN YOU GET TOWARDS THE END (you’ll know when ;)

Warning- ANGST, HEARTACHING SADNESS, swearing, some fluff, talks of murder and death, grief, violence, jealousy, LONG CHAPTER.

Pairing- Steve Harrington x Hopper!fem-reader

Episode- 4x06 & only the very beginning of 4x07

(Let me know if you wanna be tagged)

————

*THE NEXT DAY*

“No I’m sorry, I should have never said any of it….” Steve trails off and throws the bag in his hand over his shoulder. “Pft why should I be the one that’s sorry? All I said was true,” he continues to mumble to himself as he reaches Mike Wheeler’s basement. “Jesus…she’s lucky I love her.”

Steve lifts his fist to knock on the door, but the moment he let his hand hover over the door, it suddenly swung open and Robin stood on the other side.

“Hey, dingus.” She greets him and then instantly begins to search the space behind him and the distance to his car. When she notices you’re not with him she frowns and snaps her eyes back to him to comment on your lack of presence. “Where’s y/n?”

Steve shoots Robin a perplexed look and mutters back, “what do you mean where’s y/n?”

Robin's gaze narrows and she pronouncates each word slow so he’d listen carefully this time. “I mean where is your girlfriend, Steve?”

Said man’s eyebrows knit together and he licks his lips before he slowly lets out his question, “she’s not with you? She said she was spending the night with you.”

“Well, she didn’t, you said you were going home so I thought she went with you!”

Steve drops his hand that holds the bag and completely loses all confusion to express high concern, whilst Robin lets her hand slide off the knob as she was the one left more confused.

“Don’t tell me you lost her!” Robin exclaims out of panic. “I mean in a time like this?!”

“It’s not my fault!” Steve defends himself. “We…” he trails off again, but this time to lower his voice since he’s hesitant to reveal anything. “We kind of got into a fight last night, and—”

“Kind of?” Robin retorts with her eyebrows furrowed.

“I thought you guys were all good,” Dustin suddenly interjects from behind Robin.

Steve wants to argue about him eavesdropping but now that he knew you didn’t go with Robin and that you weren’t here, he just didn’t bother, instead he rolled with it. “Yeah, well we aren’t, okay Henderson?” Steve exhales and rubs his face before he turns around to return to his car.

“Hey!” Robin quickly interjects. “Where are you going?”

Steve looks over his shoulder and shrugs to answer. “I don’t know, I’m going to look for her though.”

Robin scoffs and begins to follow after him to argue. “I really don’t think you’re someone she’s going to want to see, Steve.”

“What?” Steve snaps and notices that Dustin began to follow too. “What do you even know? You weren’t there, you don’t know who even started it.”

“Who started it? What are we five?”

Steve rolls his eyes and gets in his car, only to notice that Nancy, Max and Lucas all followed too—“what are you all doing? Stay, I’ll be right back.”

“What?” Max quips through the open door. “Y/N’s gone, we won’t just stay back. What if she’s in danger?”

Great he thought, they all heard, of fucking course.

“Yeah, but nothings wrong with her, she’s fine, she’s just mad I’ll bring her right back.”

See the full post

334 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

#3

Ch.12 California Dreamin’

Chapter 12 of Strange

A/N- We’re on season 4 now, and I do have to let you know that I’m going to be posting the new chapters every Monday!

Warning- Angst, talks of death, swearing, there's a second where Robin comes out, FLUFF!! Talks of murder and a scene that includes characters getting high.

Pairing- Steve Harrington x Hopper!fem-reader

Episode- 4x01, (half of) 4x02

(Let me know if you wanna be tagged)

————

I’m sorry I failed you as a father. I’m sorry I didn’t do any of it right, but can I say that I am so lucky to have you.

“….Mr. Fibbly the squirrel, and Hop….”

“…You have me forever….”

You swallow thickly and feign a smile Eleven believes is genuinely happy. It was stupid little figuirin out of clay, but knowing who it represented ached in your heart.

“That’s nice—”

“This is you,” Eleven interrupts you without meaning to so she can show you the figurin she made of you. “Because you’re my hero too. We’re family.”

A gasp escapes your lips and a genuine smile finally shows on your features.

“El,” you whisper, “I’m…” you pause and try to find what to say. At first you wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to make you because you weren’t a hero whatsoever, but she looked so happy, you couldn’t break her heart. “I’m touched. But remember Historical hero, okay?”

Eleven puts your figurin down and nods with a happy smile still on her face. “I know,” she says.

You spare one last glance at Hopper's figurin before looking back at Eleven putting on her last touches to the project. “And are you sure your teacher said it was fine? We have plan b just in case.”

When Eleven had mentioned the project she was meant to do she right away knew who she was going to talk about, now from the very beginning you let her down gently that Hopper was no Historical hero, local hero? Yes, but that’s not what the project asked for. Yet Eleven wouldn’t take no for an answer, so she stuck with him.

So, here’s hoping she won’t get shit for it from her teacher. Or the other kids. They’re a bunch of assholes to her.

“Yes,” she assures you. “It’s fine. Are you done packing?”

You smirk and nod in agreement as you step back from the desk. “All done. I’m ready to go….I just wish I could’ve left today…skipped talking to Miss. Vasquez. Pft.”

“She is nice,” Eleven told you over her shoulder. “Why do you not like her?”

You scoff and grab your backpack off the floor. “She’s….nosy,” you tell her in the nicest way possible.

Eleven drops her paintbrush and looks back at you to continue. “I thought that was her job?”

“Yeah,” you scoff and hang your headphones around your neck before you choose what cassette you want to listen to. “Well I don’t like her okay? She’s always asks the same damn questions, like, lady I already said I’m okay, you can stop jotting down all that in your fucking journal.” You look over at Eleven after you’re done ranting and see that all she can express is overwhelming confusion over what you just spilled out to her.

“I’ll wait outside,” you let her know and then walk out without the need for her to say anything.

After you walk out of her room, you wait in the living room for Jonathan’s friend Argyle, to pick everyone up to go to school with your headphones on to listen to, “Dancing with Myself by Generation x”.

The music on your headphones is so distracting that you tune out everything around you, only figuring out that Argyle is outside when you see the other three running out of the house.

It’s always been easy to tune out the world with music, you’d usually love to do that a lot before just out of pure enjoyment and your love for the music. But these past months as the days passed by slowly when you weren’t in Hawkins for a couple days, or when Steve wasn’t here to visit, tuning out what happened around you was not out of enjoyment, it was more of an escape from the feelings you couldn’t stop feeling. That’s all you did, everyday, every hour you weren’t eating dinner, talking to Eleven, Steve, Robin or someone in your household.

See the full post

337 notes - Posted June 13, 2022

#2

Ch.16 We Belong Together

Chapter 16 of Strange

A/N- ANGSTY CHAPTER AFTER ANGSTY CHAPTER. Enjoy friends :)

Warning- ANGST!!!!, swearing, FLUFF I REPEAT FLUFF, talks of weapons and death, blood and Injury, grief, LONG CHAPTER.

Pairing- Steve Harrington x Hopper!fem-reader

Episode- 4x07-4x08

(Let me know if you wanna be tagged)

————

Sure, the time to confess your unspoken feelings to Steve right now was pretty horrible considering where you currently are, but after what happened just now, after fearing that you almost lost him, you can’t hold back anymore. He needs to know.

Besides, if your own death is near at least he needs to be assured that the time he dedicated to you was never wasted, it was always and will forever be cherished.

“I…” you swallow thickly and speak softly. “I love you, more than anything. More than you know.”

Steve’s lips part, he blinks in surprise, and the only thing he can respond with in that moment is something witty. “That’s not what I thought you’d say.”

A soft scoff escapes your lips, and as you caress his cheeks with your thumbs his lips slowly break into a soft smile before he opens his mouth again in attempts to add something. “I—”

“Sorry to break the beautiful moment,” Robin cuts Steve off, “but do you guys think these bats have, like, rabies?”

Steve and you share a concerned look before you both look at Robin with the same confused and concerned faces.

“What?” Steve queries.

“It’s just that rabies are, like, my number one greatest fear. And I think we should probably get you to a doctor like, really soon….”

You slowly slip your hands off Steve’s face and your confused and concerned faces shift to slightly annoyed and perplexed

expressions. Just slightly.

“…because once symptoms set in,” Robin continues to ramble. “It’s too late. You’re already like, dead.”

You part your lips and draw in a small breath to talk back, but the sound of a bat chittering in the distance cuts you off and makes Robin, Eddie and Nancy get near Steve and you to watch as they begin to huddle around the gate.

“All right,” Steve says and lifts his arm to put it out in front of you for protection. “There’s not that many. We can take ‘em. Right?”

You glance at your makeshift weapon disregarded just a few inches in front of you after you were mesmerized by Steve killing that bat, and then glance up at the bats to agree with Steve. Yet, right when you were going to do so, more bats began to approach.

“You were saying?” Robin said.

“I vote run,” you voice your change of opinion now that more trouble than you can handle loomed. “There’s too many and it seems like they’re just…” you pause and narrow your eyes. “Protecting the gate?”

“The woods,” Nancy cuts in loudly. “Come on!”

Before anyone could debate her choice, she’s already taken a head start and forces you all to follow her through the woods for a few miles until you found the Upside Downs Skull Rock to take cover from the bats that kept flying above. It was actually very fucking terrifying hearing them overheard, knowing that at any second they could just dive down and attack.

Even when there was a minute of relief where it seemed that most passed, you couldn't help but stay on guard and tense.

“Oh…” Robin whispered as she poked her head out from under the rock. “Okay. That was close.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees in between pants. “Too close.”

See the full post

364 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ch.6 Smile with my heart

Chapter 6 of Strange

A/N- :)

Warning- LONG CHAPTER, swearing, mentions of drugs, angst

Pairing- Steve Harrington x Hopper!fem-reader

Episode- After season 2 & Before season 3

(Let me know if you wanna be tagged)

————

“Hello?”

One more coat.

You get closer to the mirror and partially close your eyes to carefully apply another coat of mascara so as to not stain your eyeshadow whilst you jam out to ‘Time of the Season’ by The Zombies, blasting in your headphones.

“Hello?!”

You pull away and admire yourself in the mirror and finally feel confident enough in the bathroom to begin dancing along to the music. That is until you manage to hear someone pounding on the door, after that you put your stuff away and open the door to see Hopper standing in front of the bathroom door.

“Why are you hogging up the—hey! Hey! What the hell are you wearing?!” He complains as you walk out. However, you don’t catch anything he says since your music is playing too loud. “Are you listening to me?! What are you wearing?!”

You try to grab a coat from your room, but while you walk towards the room you stop the moment you catch Eleven and Mike all giggly with each other as they press small kisses on each other. It’s disgusting.

Since Hopper was chasing after you to get an answer from you, he caught the couple and slammed the door open. “Hey! Stay apart!” He then continues to storm after you while you go to where he keeps his coats to grab a denim one with a black fur collar, even if it is baggy on you.

While you’re putting the coat on the song changes to ‘Big Love’ by Fleetwood Mac, and you only turn up the volume higher.

However, right as you turn around, you bump into Hopper, and he makes sure to pull off your headphones so you could finally hear him. “I’ve been talking to you!” He seethes and stands his ground right in front of you. “What the hell are you wearing?!”

“Oh,” you breathe out. “You have? I didn’t hear you.”

“Yeah,” he scoffs and throws you your headphones to your waiting hands. “I wonder why. You’re going to go deaf!”

You roll your eyes and try to walk off but he pulls you back and demands an answer for his question. “What are you wearing?”

You look down at your mini tight black dress, and the black sheer tights you wore on your legs under the dress. “A dress?” You clarify in a way that made it seem like he didn’t know.

Hopper steps back and wipes his mouth out of the disbelief he felt upon you saying that in his face as if it was nothing wrong. When it was to him. “That’s not a dress. That’s hardly fabric.”

You drop your shoulders and scoff. “No, it’s a dress, it’s in style right now. And I’m wearing tights. And your coat by the way. Mom let me wear it.”

Hopper scoffs and nods slowly but doesn’t give up. “Your mom. Your mom would! I’m not your mom, go change into something decent.”

You cross your arms over your chest and huff and stand your own ground. “No. Steve invited me to his celebration dinner. I don't want to wear jeans to a restaurant. Besides,” you whisper as if your friend was here. “His parents are loaded, and he says his dad is mean so I’m too insecure to wear my clothes.”

Hopper’s jaw is left ajar as he thinks of what you told him, and instead of answering with anything logical he chooses to comment on something else. “Steve and you aren’t dating? Why should you go? Just go to the ceremony with a decent outfit and come back.”

You scoff and step back as if offended by his comment. “No, we’re not dating, but he’s my friend. We’re best friends, he wants me to go, I can't just leave him hanging.” You walk past him to grab your purse and the gift bag, hearing Hopper walk after you.

“No. Wear something else.”

You huff and roll your eyes, but continue to head out the door with his keys in hand. “No. I’ll keep your coat on the entire time, promise!”

See the full post

427 notes - Posted May 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[yandere-sins]

One More

Genshin makes my imagination vibrate pleasantly. I just want to give Kaeya a reason to make me go “Oh?” cause he’s not even my one of my favs. But the sheer sex appeal coming from that man is dangerous.

Characters: Kaeya Alberich (Genshin Impact) x Reader Warnings: Yandere, Groping, Innuendos, Alcohol, Aphrodisiacs, Insults

»»———————— ♡ ————————««        

“Hey there, Sweetheart. What’s bringing you to the tavern so late at night?”

You had barely entered Angel’s Share and sat down at the bar before hearing the ever-so chipper voice of the cavalry captain drawing closer. There was nothing strange about meeting Kaeya here after a long day of work, but you and Charles exchanged a glance, the bartender sighing deeply. “I’ve only served him two drinks so far,” he explained, and you couldn’t help but think that was already one too many. 

But who were you to say no to the Kaeya?

Perhaps better than anyone, Kaeya knew about the little game you two were playing. The always so icy shoulder you gave him as he continued to pressure you with his flirts was only making him want you so much more. You couldn’t count the number of times he had stopped you in the headquarters, pinned you between him and the wall - in broad daylight nonetheless - asking how you’re doing and if you need help with anything. You. Were. Sick of it! If he wanted a child to play father for, he could ask Klee to hang out with him! You, on the other hand, were a remarkable knight, trusted enough with complicated orders that - luckily! - kept you out of the city for a prolonged time so you could avoid him. 

It only was hard when you weren’t on duty. Or in the city. Or close to him. 

That’s when he became frisky, rather needy too.

Kaeya brushed his face from the left side of your head to the right, taking a deep breath. If it wasn’t known that you two reached back all the way to your training days, anyone would have raised an eyebrow. But most of the other guards were able to brush off his weirdness for affectionate friendship. It was almost like only you could see behind the farce, and perhaps his estranged brother. Not like Diluc had been any help to you, though, aside from breaking Kaeya off you once or twice when he was around and noticing your discomfort.

Taking up the stool beside you, there was no prior question if the seat was taken. A rather empty keg arrived with Kaeya at the bar, and he briefly tapped the rim until Charles fished for another bottle of alcohol to fill it up with. One could say Kaeya and a drink were a good mix, but to you, they were a terrible combination. Drinking made him bold. Unrestrained even. 

Even though he offered his keg to you, you merely looked away, sipping at your own glass, one you much rather preferred to the brew he drank his night away with. Grinning, he instead took a hearty sip, leaning against the counter leisurely as he watched the bards perform near the entrance, but you didn’t miss even a single glance he sent your way every few seconds. 

It was very unfortunate that you liked Angel’s Share for its drinks best; otherwise, you’d have had a good reason to avoid the establishment. But at the same time, you couldn’t let Kaeya direct all of your life. It was no state that you shouldn’t do what you enjoyed just because he could be there, and yet, you considered it. 

“So, how was your mission? I’ve been missing your skills at training.”

“It was fine,” you answered curtly, uninterested in the conversation he initiated. There weren’t many people you talked to when you came back to Mondstadt. Somehow… it had always been hard for you to make friends with the other knights. Part of you suspected Kaeya being a reason why no one seemed to want to hang around, forcing you to spend most of your training with him since no one was willing to spar with you. Then again, you never had any evidence to confirm your suspicion, just like with many other phenomena you experienced over the years.

More than once had there been instances where your orders had been withdrawn just when you came close to solving the problems, often with the excuses that you were still too inexperienced or needed somewhere else. It had been so hard to raise in the ranks while Kaeya seemed to make leaps forward without a worry, but at least, you managed to secure your place now--one far away from the cavalry captain.

Sighing, Kaeya turned around to face the counter again, plopping his arm around your shoulders. Uncomfortably, you rolled your joints, but he instead pulled you closer to him, the smell of alcohol drafting off his lips as he spoke. “No need to play coy. You know you can tell me the truth. Didn’t you miss being home? I’m sure cleaning up those camps must have been exhausting!”

Missed being with me? seemed to be the words he wanted to say, but he packaged them in a way he knew they’d actually affect you. Kaeya had always been clever enough to poke the places that hurt. Of course, you missed home. You’d miss it more if not for him, but you had your family here, your siblings and parents that you’d like to see more often. But there was no chance with how much Kaeya liked to interfere in it. As if he was already part of your family, inviting himself and always showing up unannounced to hang out.

“‘Twas okay,” you replied after a moment of thought. 

“Well, I missed you,” he chuckled before taking another sip of his keg. “I missed you sooo much!”

That was enough for you, brushing his arm off roughly before turning on your stool to leave. You knew even finding another space to sit wouldn’t spare you from him, and if you ended up in a less crowded area, you didn’t want to imagine what he’d do. “Aw, come on,” you heard behind you as he gripped your arm, making you stop. “I get it, I get it, you’re tired. But you can’t be tired enough not to drink one more with your old pal, right?”

With his voice rising in volume, you two finally gained some attention, and you instantly felt a rush of embarrassment as you stared into quite a few pairs of perplex eyes. Kaeya might have been eccentric, but he was well-liked nonetheless. Causing a scene had never worked well for you, and since you were already deemed an outsider, you’d only catapult yourself more into the shadows if any rumors spread after you left. 

Clicking your tongue, you tore yourself out of his grip before sitting back on your chair again, holding up your finger. “One more. Only one more.”

“Of course,” Kaeya grinned, getting his will once again. “Only one.”

»»————— ♡

Hot lips brushing against each other, you had no better way to describe your state of being other than burning. For someone so cool and with an icy skill, Kaeya was not even close to being cold and reserved when it came to touching you. With a smile displayed on his mouth whenever he wasn’t using it to tease you, you could barely remember how you two ended up making out in one of the backstreets of Mondstadt. His hands were seemingly everywhere, and at the same time, lingered at the spots that created an audible cue from you when he squeezed them. 

“You’re so sensitive,” he noted as you hung in his arms, hands currently squeezing your ass from your thighs upwards. “That’s good, I like that.”

“Fucker,” you merely cursed back. “You only said one more drink! I feel like shit! What the hell was that?”

“On the contrary, you feel amazing,” he ignored your questions, pushing his leg between yours as he pressed you closer to the cold stone wall behind you. A welcome sensation, giving you back some of your senses as the chill helped to calm your heated body. “I fucking hate you, Kaeya,” you confessed drunkenly, but the time was as good as any to say it.

“Ouch,” he brushed it off with a chuckle. “Are you sure? Your body grinding against mine is giving me very different vibes, Darling.”

Next thing, he was back in your mouth, his tongue roaming and keeping yours busy as you slung your arms around him. “You’re so stupid and mean, always testing everyone. You’re probably the reason everyone is avoiding me too, and you don’t let off no matter how much I tell you to leave me alone!”

“Mhm,” he hummed as his lips wandered down your neck, making you stretch it out for him so he could reach better. “And now... I don’t even know! You drugged me?!” 

A soft laugh escaped him before you felt a suck at your collarbone, followed by the wet sensation of a tongue tasting your skin. “Bingo, Baby. Lisa really wanted to know what would happen if someone drank this potion and you were all too eager to get it down your throat-”

“To get away from you!” you interrupted him.

“Whatever.”

Finally, Kaeya came up on eye level again, the two of you staring at each other for a moment in silence. 

“Whatever?” you questioned, confused by his reaction. 

“Yeah, whatever. I think kissing you made me swallow at least, hm... half of it too. Even if we wanted to, we wouldn’t be able to stop now, don’t you think?” 

One of the most disgusting grins you had ever seen on the face of a person played around his lips as he pressed up to you, uniting you two in another kiss. Of course, you could stop it! You could, and you would right now. After all, you had allowed it to go on for far too long now! Pressing your hands into his shoulders, Kaeya let out a soft sigh against your lips, his uncovered eye closed as he enjoyed the affection. “One more,” he mumbled as he kissed you again and again, feverishly and impatiently. “I’ve been waiting forever to do this.”

With the excitement of a teenage boy, his hands roamed your body, pulling out the shirt from your trousers to lodge themselves beneath it. Skillful fingertips drew patterns over your skin, up your spine, and down your sides until you were gasping and shivering in his grasp. “Good,” he sighed against your lips, unbothered by you still trying to push him away, only ever flinching as he groped you. “Don’t you already know it? How much you drive me crazy? It’s only fair I drive you crazy too.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about--” you tried to contradict him. But Kaeya was quick to muffle your voice with another deep kiss. Intentionally or not, he met one of your sensitive spots as he explored you, causing a hitched moan to escape you, followed by a satisfied grunt from him. “I’ve been waiting for so long, I can’t have you take it from me now,” he breathed out huskily. 

“I’ll scream!” you threatened him. “Let me go now, Kaeya!”

“Ah-ah,” he rebuked you, one of his hands being freed of groping-duty to cover your mouth. “No one’s going to take you away from me now either. Come one, be good, okay?”

Waiting for the right moment, Kaeya couldn’t endure your angry stare for very long before falling into soft laughter. “All right, all right,” he chuckled before leaning forward brushing his lips against his hand. “One more kiss, okay? I will leave you alone after that.”

Furrowing your brows even more, he interpreted you shaking your head as a ‘no’, letting out a long, “Aww…” 

“Only one more, pretty please?” 

You had to give it to him: persistency was something he didn’t lack. It felt like shooting into your own foot, but part of you just wanted it to be over. You two had kissed so much up till now; how much worse would one more be? And if he let you go afterwards, you could definitely endure it. Lifting up your hand to yank his from your mouth, Kaeya didn’t expect you to take the initiative, looking at you perplexed as you leaned forward to kiss him. No one ever taught you how to kiss, and without his directions, you weren’t actually sure on how any of it worked, but he didn’t seem to mind, humming a pleased tune before returning your awkward smooches.

When was a kiss one kiss? When the lips parted? After the first initial touch? Kaeya’s definition was two minutes of continuous connection between you two, only briefly drawing back for air but never without upholding the contact by biting and pulling on your lip or having your tongue following his out of your mouth into the cold night. He gripped your head tightly in his palms, not allowing you to get away. Only when he let go did you fall back hard against the wall as you two finally broke apart, and you hadn’t noticed how much he had held you up. 

The rich flavor of alcohol on your tongue and his scent in your nose didn’t help with getting a clear mind, but nothing about you made sense anymore. Now that he had let you fall back and away from him, you felt even hotter than before, your body clearly bothered by the lack of stimulation. What part of ‘I wanted none of this’ did you not understand yourself? At least by the throbbing in your abdomen, you could tell that whatever kind of potion he had given to you definitely wasn’t a fun experience, but all the more potent. 

“Hurts, huh?” he laughed across from you. “Oh, fuck off,” you mustered to say, but the pain was obvious by your expression. You were barely able to keep yourself up properly.

“I’d offer my help, but you made it clear you didn’t want it.” The situation must have been really funny to him, only agitating you more. If it at least hadn’t been Kaeya, you might have accepted help, but you knew you’d have to get yourself home now all by yourself in a state of constant heat with no way to resolve it. 

“You caused all of this! You should at least take responsibility without taking advantage of the situation!”

Pushing yourself away from the wall, you decided it was time to step away. There was no use in talking with Kaeya, but the moment your support dwindled, you noticed how wobbly your legs felt, barely capable of holding you up. What had you trained all these years for if a mere potion could make you so incredibly weak? Before you could get back to the wall, one knee gave away, making you sink to the ground where you could barely catch yourself with your hands. 

“It’s really working you hard, isn’t it?” you heard him speak down from above. Squatting to your level, you felt his hand slide through your hair before gripping and lifting your head to face him. “Tell you what: If you ask nicely, I’ll help you. Can’t promise you’ll wake up in your bed tomorrow morning, but a bed nonetheless, wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Fuck you,” you hissed back, and he shook his head, disappointed. 

“Try again.”

What choices did you have? Risk the little bit of reputation you still had by being found in the morning, disheveled and drunk from the night before? The knights absolutely hated anything that would ruin their pristine prestige, so much even you knew. You had worked so hard to get where you were, could you really risk all of it? “... please,” escaped you before you could think it through further. 

“What was that?” he teased you, and you wondered why he could still be so clear even after drinking much more than you did and having had a taste of the potion from your lips. “Please help me get home.”

This time, he laughed out loud, obviously amused by how pitiful you had to behave to please him. “One more time. Say it one more time, and say it nice.”

Frustrated, you wished you could have punched him in the face, but you only bit your lip, taking a deep breath before complying. “Please, Kaeya. I need your help to get home. Please help me home!”

Embarrassment was all you could think about as he conditioned you to do as he wanted, but finally, after you did what Kaeya demanded, he petted your head, leaning forward to kiss your forehead before reaching under your arms to pull you up. “Look at you, all cute and begging me for help.”

Quickly being lifted from the ground, you found your new halt by gripping into his shoulders tightly and wrapping your legs around his waist as he held you in front of him. “You’re so adorable!” he chuckled as you clung to him much more in fear of him letting you fall than because you wanted it. He seemed to have similar thoughts, giving you a bit of a scare as he let go of you, having you hang from him by only your own strength, which you didn’t trust anymore. But just as quickly, your horrified expression made him laugh, and he gave your rear a teasing slap. Lucky for you, Kaeya didn’t make you fear any longer, embracing you back and allowing you to sink against him more as he started to make his way through the streets of Mondstadt. From an onlooker’s point of view, it might have seemed like you jumped him out of joy, but really, you clung on as if your life depended on it while Kaeya seemingly enjoyed the hug.

“Just get me home, you Asshole,” you grumbled, but your insults didn’t do any damage to his good mood. “Sure, I’ll get you home,” he replied chipper, but you already had bad thoughts as you heard that.

“At least, the place I call ‘home’,” he confirmed your suspicion, and inwardly, you already admitted defeat even as you punched your fist into his shoulder. 

“You know how it is,” he brushed it off lightly, patting your backside while he climbed the stairs towards the headquarters with seemingly no effort. 

“I can never refuse you or leave you be. I adore you way too much.”