#( rika gets ready to unpack a lot- )

[tierra-paldeana]

☠🌏– The crackling of the nearby chimney fire. The quiet hum of the falling snow and howling wind outside. The warm dimly lit lights against the darkening evening sky. The soft texture of the blanket on top of her, and the steam coming from the hot chocolate in her hands. Upon her arrival here today, as it was almost customary at this point, the cold had been a little much to handle, even in the middle of August, and Grusha had immediately tucked her in the couch to rise her temperature.

She was nice and cozy now, but it was always impressive just how different Glaseado was from the South of Paldea - were they there right now, she'd be wearing rather light clothing and even turning on the AC to withstand such Paldean heat. But the north sometimes seemed like a different world with these drastic temperature differences, and the view outside the window couldn't bring more ''December painting'' vibes even if it tried.

It seems there was a building snowstorm, too, with how the air and the precipitations seemed to pick up the pace as the dusk progressed. She was transfixed by the view, eyes half-lidded as she was slowly ceasing to be as sleepy as she was a few minutes ago. With how warm she was though, the prospect of a nap sounded tempting... but. She's not here for that. She knows that well.

She takes a quiet sip of the mug, noticing there were some tiny cookie bits in her chocolate - oh this was her favorite brand of powdered chocolate. Just as mindful as usual...

Grusha's home was very cozy, for sure.

''...Thank ya, Grush. I'm feelin' a lil better.''

She says as Grusha had turned to the kitchen, presumably to put the bottle of powdered chocolate and the milk away. Clodsire was laying by her feet, and after a long pause, she felt him nuzzling her leg, looking up at her.

Yeah... it was time.

''...I came here 'cause I wanted to talk to you 'bout somethin' important. We can talk 'bout it when yer back, yeah? No rush.''

She was nervous... more than she could put into words. But it had to be done, and she couldn't falter or backtrack right now. It wouldn't be fair to either of them otherwise.

@beiowzero

[trashlie]

You are SOOOO right about the unspoken feelings and yearning and the pining -- This is an essential stage, we cannot skip it!!!! Nol needs to marinate in his feelings and thoughts and wants and doubts and desires a little more. Sorry but it needs to happen, he hasn't been pathetic enough yet!! I guess people thought if Nol tells Shin-ae how she feels, it'll all click for her immediately, she'll reciprocate his feelings on the spot, and they'll live happily ever after. The end. But it's so much more complicated. She isn't ready. Nol is right. She needs to leave. She needs some rest and then time and space to calmly reflect on it all. Poisonheart said Shin-ae sometimes needs things spelled out for her, and maybe this applies here as well. But it's still not Nol's place to tell her. Perhaps she'll talk to Min-hyuk or Dieter, personally I'd love it if she spoke with a female character: Rika, Maya, or potentially Ms Park. It simply feels like a conversation that should happen with a woman (and I would love for her to bond with the female characters more). Maybe the "because you love him" will make a comeback and tie it all together, and the narrative will give her this neat little package labeled "WHY YOU CARE" that she gets to unpack. But either way I NEED Shin-ae to go through it all slowly, step by step. I need all those moments with Nol to haunt her, those feelings she tries to deny to not give her rest until she understands what it all really means. What she feels and why she feels it and oh no oh fuck this cannot be happening what am I gonna do now? Does he also like me like that? What if he doesn't? She is the MC this is important, give it to us we need it!!!!!

And RIGHT the realization IS scary and overwhelming! Especially when the stakes are so high! Dieter's confession is like a safety net for her. She knows that if she at some point falls for him and decides to date him, he will be there with open arms. No risks taken. It'd be so easy, so convenient, so safe. With Nol, however, she doesn't have that kind of safety. Even worse, he unintentionally sends her mixed signals, he keeps slipping through her fingers -- they have these intense moments, then he puts up his walls and pushes her away again, and she doesn't get why. He still calls her "Yoo" and won't even let her say his real name!! Is she ready for this? He will be gone in three days AND there is all the stuff with the Hiraharas and his past and so much more she doesn't know yet. It's a lot (and he knows this). Which means she can NOT be wishy-washy about it. In a way, she has already made up her mind when he decided to fight for their friendship. But this is different, this is new territory -- She needs to choose him again, consciously, fully aware of what it means! And THEN she can face him again, with an answer. It's just SCREECHES we're in for such a ride why would anyone want to skip this????

By the way you describing Dieter's POV really got to me. "because he sees the things Shinae doesn't know how to identify" THIS THOUGH. Listen. Shin-ae is so stuck in her own POV -- but if she could switch her perspective from actor to observer, she would see it for what it is and immediately get why this is not "friends". Now I also have this one fear that Shin-ae will chase after Dieter to "fix" this, and, still in her denial, blurt out something like "what makes you even think there's something between me and Yeong-gi" and hoo boy ouch yikes where would he even start.....

We are gathered here together, unified by our common need to watch a man be TOTALLY PATHETIC about the girl he has feelings for, unified by our most ardent desires to watch him bask and wallow in a bath of regret and want and desire, united in our need to watch Shinae go through the 5 stages of realizing you're in love with one of your most important friends lfkjakjfakfjaflkjafkafjaf But YEAH YEAH that's it!!!! THIS is the stuff that makes romance plots so good and worthy. Like, you ship because you want to see them together, want to shove them in each others' spaces yeah but like the most crucial part to me is watching them BE A MESS about each other. Nol in agony - because Shinae can't see it because he LITERALLY PUT THE MOVES ON HER and she's just like :)? because she denies there being anything and what if he's wrong what if she DOESN'T feel the way he thinks she does what if it's him all alone out on this limb agony because he keeps pushing her away and he doesn't know when and how to stop fighting and she's fighting for him to show himself and he can't bare himself but he's also fighting for her to understand why he matters so much to her and to use the words anD AKLFAFKAFJKAFJKJAFJKAFKJAFJA ROARS

But YES YES YES I would LOVE to see her go to Rika and Maya about it. I don't know if she would, just because I don't know if she'd feel like it's something she needs to (or should) talk out BUT. I still want it! I want her to bond with them and open up to them! There's that whole thing about how she didn't want to be a burden and it upset Maya that she never reached out or asked for help and instead relied on strangers so it would be SO satisfying for Shinae to, embarrassed shy flustered go to them. Actually, no, now that I'm thinking about it, I think it could be a by product? Like she'd go to them talking about Dieter because maybe an outsider view will give her the perspective will convince her what she's telling herself (lying about) that yeah it sounds like Dieter just needs sleep. But to talk about Dieter she has to address what he oversaw and imagining her just.... venting at them about how she doesn't get it, what does Yeonggi/Nol even MEAN? It's not like they did anything weird or secret! And in that way she tends to, just go off on the tangent, the snowball is rolling down the hill and it can't be stopped. She's talking about how it was just a dance that doesn't mean anything it's not weird to goof around finger dancing is totally normal and Rika and Maya are just.... looking at each other. ALSO IT WOULD BE SO GOOD because Maya was always trying to set Shinae up with people and saddle her with someone else lmao but for her to be showing actual concern about a boy, actual FEELINGS, for her to start off talking about Dieter but end up venting about Nol and so consumed with how annoyed she is with him and how much she cares about him and what does he mean convince me? how is friendship not enough to care about him what does he even WANT FROM ME? and the thought of Maya telling her "you LIKE this guy!" and Shinae recoiling because NO! YOU ALWAYS WANT TO SHOVE ME OFF ON PEOPLE but Rika isn't denying it either, Rika who always calls Maya off when she's being too pushy, Rika who is more level headed

GOD.

I want Shinae to figure it out on her own but if it does have to be spelled out for her, that would be SUCH a fun way for it to play out lmao just like.... Maya shocked that Shinae ACTUALLY likes someone, Shinae unable to even take her seriously because she's Always Doing This, but Rika averting her gaze and chewing her lip thoughtfully aljafkafkjafj AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Shinae just like no, no way you don't understand of course i don't of course i can't why would i? But THE FLUSTERS THE INTENSITY OF HIS GAZE THE THINGS HE MAKES HER FEEL THE WAY HER HEART RACED IN THE DARK WHEN HE GOT SO CLOSE TO HER SHE CAN'T HOLD HIS GAZE THAT SMILE /THAT SMILE/ WHEN HE WAS HUGGING THE BOYS AND HE SMILED OVER AT HER

scuttling up the walls yodeling ALFJAKFJAFKJAFKAJFLAFKAFJAF

We've been so pointedly kept outside of Shinae's mind all this time - which is so clever to deny us the gears turning in her head because the gears are NOT turning. She's exhausted, she's tired, she's been through hell, the sheer tensions of the night have drained her. I'm right there with @poisonheart too on Shinae needing to step away, eat some food, get some sleep - we keep talking about Shinae having the kind of dream that would make her face her feelings lmao something more direct than her own thoughts can be (the unhinged stalkyoo fans can has a dream kiss as a treat?) that makes her wake up and go "fuck what was that?!" but I am SO looking forward to when we DO get to see her thoughts, when we get to watch her work through it, agonize and fight through it. Frustrated because she doesn't get it, what does he mean how is "because we're friends" not good enough?! In fact, poison reblogged one of the other asks and her response is just SO good about how Shinae keeps trying to fit Nol into a Minhyuk-sized box that Nol just does NOT fit. And that's where Shinae keeps going in circles - unable to get to the real reason unable to see what Dieter saw. If I were better with words or more eloquent I'd say that there's something so fantastically similar about how Nol wore that blindfold deliberately and here is Shinae, unable to see Nol for what he is and instead try to see him through a best friend lens. She's so blind to it!

Also YES I love the dilemma of "what does this MEAN?" and the "DOES HE FEEL THE SAME WAY?" and remembering the way he looks at her and the way they interacted when they thought everyone was asleep, the way he's insistent that Dieter saw something that hurt him and how indirectly it's his way of saying it meant something to him AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the shyness because how do you go see him after that?! how do you look at him talk to him when you now have this extra awareness when you realize it wasn't all the ramen you eat that's just your heart getting giddy about him aaaAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

pls I need to watch her unpack it and then throw it all around and then try to pack it all again and realize that it's all out of the bag it's never going back in!!!!!

I also kind of have that fear/expectation about Shinae and Dieter - it just.... feels like her, right? To be so bull-headed that she ignores Nol because he doesn't know what he's talking about why is he making such a big deal just so determined to fix t even though as readers we know it will absolutely!!!! make it worse! Especially because HE KNOWS WHAT HE SAW!!!!! She can blurt that out all she wants but he can call her out on her bluff, tell her that's not what he saw. Ngl a part of me WANTS it to happen because the narrative impact would be so delicious! Dieter, the character who always keeps it together who always comforts people who sees things but holds his tongue breaking and snapping and his hurt seeping out a little because what does Shinae take him for? For her to tell him it means nothing would hurt even more because he knows better. Even if she can't see it in that moment even if she hasn't grasped it in that moment he knows and for her to pretend otherwise hurts AND is insulting.

Also in that vein, for Dieter, it's not even that he oversaw that tender intimacy, the way they laughed together, the way Nol's gazes would fluster her. The dance? The dance with all her bright radiant joy having so much fun, laughing after such a harrowing night but the HURT that followed! That whole painful conversation of Nol pushing her away and how much it hurts her and how much she wants to see him for him to open up and he can't and why that hurts her so much that she left and Nol, standing there all alone taking off the headband admitting he doesn't want her to see him like this. It's not just the tenderness he saw - it's how strong those feelings are, the extent to which it affects both of them. It's not that Nol pushed her away for fun - Dieter could see that Nol was disappointed he actually drove her away, hurt that he managed to make himself hurt her again OH THE AGONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

For Shinae to try to insist that she doesn't like Yeonggi like that when Dieter already knows. When he can see what Shina means to Nol - and what he means to her. Why it hurts her so much. The day he and Soushi found her crying in the rain, why she was so torn up. The "Because you love him" just hanging like a banner between them, still flapping in the wind. He has seen how much she's been torn up over him this whole time.

This?

This is just overkill.

But yeah I have this fear/worry/expectation that she may try to chase after Dieter - because in her head that's the easy fix that one is much better to deal with. Nol being hot and cold? That's typical. Fix this first and then she can focus on the bigger issue but yes only making it a more painful mess ;____________;

In a way, she has already made up her mind when he decided to fight for their friendship. But this is different, this is new territory -- She needs to choose him again, consciously, fully aware of what it means! And THEN she can face him again, with an answer.

GOD I AM HOWLING I AM BARKING UP A TREE I'M CLIMBING THE WALLS AND SWINGING FROM THE RAFTERS YES YES YES /YESSSSSS/

Shinae deciding that no matter what, she'll be persistent like him, she'll find a new way to reach him, she won't give up and she'll keep fighting for him because that's how important he is was such a resolute choice grounded in her feelings and her wants. Wanting him to show himself!!! Wanting to see what he hides from everyone. Wanting him to be true with her, to be honest and real. What Shinae wants is so much deeper than merely friendship, so much deeper than just caring about a person. She wants all of him, every ugly part of him every vulnerable part of him everything that makes him who he is. She wants to be privy to all of it, and she doesn't see it!!!!! That she is acting on that love on those feelings on that need for ALL of him. GOD. But also yes, how he's so hot and cold and slips through her fingers and it confuses her!!!! He's so volatile, the stakes ARE so high! It's not just the danger by association, it's the way he hurts her when he doesn't want to/like it. It's the way he can't be as open and real and honest as she wants. But you are right, she has to choose him again, CONSCIOUSLY, knowing what it entails. GOD THAT WILL BE SO GOOD SOOOOO SATISFYING ;_____; AAAAAAHHHHHHH to make that choice knowing the stakes, knowing the feelings. To choose him.

Anon I am going to perish

[tommybaholland]

Hi can we get a pt.3 of the cramp simulator with the other jjk boys? (Anyone is fine but please include yuuta and megumi) thank you <3

how tough are you? [pt.3]

featuring: yuta okkotsu, megumi fushiguro, and yuji itadori

there’s a bit of suggestion in yuji’s scenario but mostly fun and wholesome times <3 glad you all enjoyed toji as well as gojo and nanami with this idea!

yuta

you were glad that you had arrived home before yuta so that you could unpack the box that was waiting outside for you. it had only been about ten minutes until you heard the door slide open, followed by his voice.

“dear? i’m home!”

 “i’m in here!” you called back. 

you heard his soft footsteps come down the hallway to join you in the living area. 

“hey, sweetie,” he greeted as he sat down next to you, leaning over to press a kiss to your head. 

“hi, yu,” you smiled, turning to look at him and fully greet him with a welcome kiss. 

“what are you doing?” he asked, looking at the items sitting in front of you on the low table. 

“i got something.”

“yeah?”

“and it’s for you,” you added.

“for me? what did you get me?” he chuckled. “i don’t need anything, lovely.” 

“mm i’m not sure that you’ll need it exactly,” you hinted. “it’s a period cramp simulator.”

“oh,” he replied, unsure of how to react. “so you want me to try it?”

you smiled cutely. “smart boy! yes, i thought it could be fun but you don’t have to if you don’t want to do it. i’m just curious to see how it works.”

“no, i’ll do it. it could be a good change of perspective,” he remarked. 

“that’s right! you can experience having a period, minus the bleeding part.”

he laughed nervously. “sure. so what do i need to do?”

“i just have to put these on your stomach,” you instructed. 

“alright. hold on,” he said as he unbuttoned his sorcerer uniform and lifted up the t-shirt underneath. you placed the wires in the appropriate spot on his lower abdomen area. 

“okay, i think that’s all i have to do,” you declared while doing a quick read over of the instructions. 

“i am ready when you are,” he informed you. 

you nodded in response before turning the dial slightly before looking up at him. however, he didn’t seem to have much of a reaction as he looked back at you expectantly. 

“is it on?” he asked.

“yeah, it’s on 2 right now,” you reported. “do you not feel anything?”

he shook his head. “you can turn it up some more.”

“okay,” you agreed before turning it up to 5. “you’re halfway to the highest setting.”

“oh, yeah. now it’s happening,” he reacted, pressing a hand to the spot where the wires were coming out of his shirt. 

“what does it feel like?” you asked, interested to hear what he has to say. 

“i.. don’t know how to describe it. it’s like a lingering pressure,” he explained. 

“does it hurt?”

“not a lot but i can definitely see how feeling this for several days would be annoying.” 

you nodded, agreeing with his assessment. “well, that’s what acetaminophen is for!”  

“yeah,” he chuckled. “that’s why i always make sure we have some in the house just for you.”

“or you could just used your reverse curse technique to take it away,” you joked.

he patted your head. “i don’t think that’s how it works, cutie. but nice try. i’ll just give you all the hugs and kisses that you want.”

he wraps his arms around you from the side, hugging you tightly. you giggled as he pressed several kisses to your cheek. 

“i wonder what 10 would feel like.”

“uh, those are labor pains apparently. i don’t think rika would like that, especially if it hurts you,” you warned. 

“even if it does hurt, she knows that you wouldn’t intentionally hurt me,” he replies. 

you eyed him before handing him the device. “here, you do it.”

he took it from you and turned the dial all the way up.

“AH!”

you jumped at his sudden cry. “yuta!”

then he was laughing. “just kidding. it does hurt a lot now, though.”

you pushed his shoulder lightly. “just turn it off, you dork.”

megumi

“oh, megumiiiiii. where are youuuu?” you called out as you entered his humble living space. you had planned to come over a little later but you couldn’t wait with what came in the mail that day. 

“are you here? oh! there you are,” you exclaimed, finding him reading a book out on the deck. 

“hey, i thought you weren’t coming until later?” he asked, puzzled by your appearance. 

“i have a surprise for you.”

he scowled. “oh no. whatever it is, i want nothing to do with it.” 

“you don’t even know what it is?” 

“i can tell by your excitement that it’s not going to be good for me,” he expressed flatly. 

“what if i told you that i’d do it with you?” 

he looked at you suspiciously. “do...what?”

you pulled out the hidden object from behind your back and presented it to him. he looked down at the strange device, looking more confused than he did when you walked in unannounced. 

“so what is it?”

“with this machine, you have the lucky chance to experience period cramps! doesn’t that sound fun?” you replied brightly.

“i honestly cannot tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.”

“so will you try it?” 

“i really don’t want to but i know you won’t let this go until i do so might as well get it over with now,” he remarked with a sigh. 

“yay! thank you,” you smiled before leaning over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. his hands came up to cover the blush flaring up on his cheeks. 

“okay. i have to put these on your stomach,” you instructed out loud, prompting him to pull up his shirt. 

“i hate this already,” he scoffed as you pressed the little sticky pads onto his lower abdomen area. 

“do you want me to do it with you?”

“um, sure.”

you placed your own set of pads onto your skin before grabbing the little machine. “are you ready, gumi?”

“i suppose,” he replied, becoming a little nervous about what’s going to happen.

“here we go,” you announced as you turned the dial slightly, feeling tingles pulsing through the pads on your stomach. or at least, you felt tingles but he didn’t seem like it was the same for him. 

he shifted in his seat uncomfortably, his face looking slightly pained. 

“how high is this thing turned up?” 

“we’re both on 3 right now,” you reported. 

“how high does it go?”

“10.”

“what?! and this is a 3?” he asked, exasperated. 

“i can turn it up if you want,” you offered. 

“okay,” he agreed cautiously. 

you turn the dial a little higher but only on your side. the pulsing became a little more intense but was still bearable. megumi, on the other hand, looked like he was trying really hard not to cry. 

“how high is it now?” he strained, holding a hand over his lower stomach area.

“well, i’m on 5 but you’re still on 3.”

“what,” he asked incredulously. “you didn’t turn mine up?”

“no,” you shook your head, trying really hard not to laugh at him. 

“then why does it feel like it hurts more now?” 

“probably because the anticipation of more pain made you think that you were actually experiencing it,” you explained, pointing a finger to your temple. “mind tricks.”

“can we stop now?” he said, his voice sounding more in pain than before.

“of course,” you replied, turning off the machine. 

he left out a huge breath of air before looking down at his stomach. he pulled the pads off of his skin. “this thing is weird.”

he then looked over to you. “it really didn’t hurt for you?”

“i mean, it wasn’t pleasant but cramps never are,” you expressed. “how do you feel?”

“enlightened,” he replied flatly. he smiled as you laughed at his deadpan tone. 

“i’m glad.”

“does it hurt like that every time?” he asked, moving closer to you.

“it depends-- wait, don’t you have a sister?”

he looked down, hanging his head in shame. “yes but i wasn’t always concerned with her and her...cycles.”

“fair enough,” you nodded, patting his back in comfort. 

he watched as you pulled your set of wires off of you and gathered everything back up. “but i wouldn’t mind knowing more about you or, um, i mean, yours.”

you met his wide, pretty blue eyes before grinning at him. “thank you, megumi.”

he nodded before matching your grin, leaning in to meet his lips with yours. after a few little sneaky kisses and giggles, you fully pulled away. 

“so what do you want to know?”

itadori

you boyfriend is definitely someone who gets excited when packages show up at the door, even if they’re not for him. however, he might not be so excited about what’s in the box that arrived for you today. 

“hey, babe! package for you,” he calls, entering the room with a medium-sized box in his hands. 

“oh, thank you,” you reply, taking it from his hands, rewarding him with a quick kiss. he sits down next to you on the couch, squishing up close to see what’s inside. 

“what did you get?”

“i don’t know but you should open it,” you offer, handing it back to him. 

“okay but your reaction makes me think that you know what’s in here already,” he pouts.  

you smiled, shaking your head innocently as he ripped the tape off and opened the box. he stopped before he opening up the top flaps. 

“wait, is something going to jump out at me?”

“just open it, yuji,” you pressed. 

“okay. it’s a....oh my gosh!” he yelled, effectively making you jump in your seat. 

“yuji!”

“sorry, babe. i’m kidding. so what is this thing,” he asked, pulling the mysterious device out of the box. 

“it’s for you!” you exclaimed.

“um, thank you?” he replied, severely confused. 

“it’s a period cramp simulator, babe,” you finally informed him. 

“oh....OH,” he reacted, realizing what you meant. “so i’m supposed to put this on and find out why you complain every month?”

you rolled your eyes playfully. “yes, that is exactly what this will do for you.” 

“alright then. let’s do it,” he agreed.

“great,” you smiled. “let’s just put these on you.”

“they have to go there?” he asked as you placed the wires rather low on his stomach. he squirmed slightly while giggling at the feeling of you touching his tummy.

“yes. that’s where your uterus would be,” you explained. 

“am i going to feel like i’m having a baby?”

“well, there’s a setting for that so we could if you want but let’s start small first,” you suggested.

“i think you’re all set. ready?”

“wait,” he stopped you. “will you hold my hand?”

he held his hand out for you to take. “i have to turn on the machine, babe.”

“you can do that with one hand,” he pointed out. “please, baby? what if it really hurts?”

he gave you his pouty face which he knew would work on you instantly. you finally took his hand in yours. “are you ready now?”

“yep!” he smiled brightly. 

you turned the dial slightly. you looked up at him to see that he didn’t look like he was in too much pain but was...smiling instead?

“it feels funny,” he reacted. “is it supposed to feel like that?”

“not really,” you replied, somewhat amused at his initial reaction. 

“you can turn it up. actually, turn it up all the way,” he instructed. 

“are you sure?”

he nodded and you complied, turning the setting all the way to 10. all you could hear was manic laughing from your boyfriend. 

“it tickles!” he exclaimed, still holding onto your hand. you began laughing with him, despite his unwarranted reaction. 

he wouldn’t let you turn it off until his stomach began hurting from laughing so hard. at least he was breathing heavily after it was turned off. 

“whew, that was fun.”

you shook your head in disbelief. “only you would have that kind of reaction.”

“yeah. it was weird,” he confirmed. “i’m kinda sad that it couldn’t make my chest all squishy.” 

“what?” you snorted a laugh. 

“your boobs are always bigger and squishier when you’re on your period,” he commented. 

“they hurt too, you know,” you remarked. 

“that’s why you have me to massage them,” he responded in a suggestive tone, pulling you closer to him by the hand. 

“oh, thank god,” you replied in a sarcastic tone. he pulled you into his lap, resting his head against your chest, closing his eyes as he listened to the steady beat of your heart. 

your arms wrapped around his shoulder as your hands found their way into his hair. “thank you for doing this with me, yuji. even though that is not at all what i was expecting,” you laughed. 

“of course, my sweet baby!” he replied while hugging you tightly. “i have a question.”

“yes?”

“does your butt get bigger when you’re on your period too? i feel like it does, but i can’t always tell.”

and this, folks, is the love of your life. 

workin’ it on wild card night! jjk wants to hear the next idea...

sending love to the amazing patrons for supporting this blog!

Lina Leveque | Syd

for exclusive nsfw writing and extras, join me on patreon!

[gamerwoo]

[Tales from the Pack] Hansol: Fire and Ice (Part Eight)

Characters: Hansol x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, angst but it’s actually not too angsty, i wouldn’t really call any of this fluff necessarily but it’s definitely not super angsty, mentions of not eating bc depression, mentions of death and suicide

Word count: 2,701

Summary: You’ve always been one to let your emotions get the best of you – your power reflects that – and you’ve never been good at expressing them. That’s why you always thought you’d be awful with a mate, but you never thought things would be this awful.

a/n: things in bold are in english. also since people have been asking, at the bottom of the tftp info list, there’s a list for jiung’s pack. i didn’t think remembering their names and such were really important for the story but people wanted to know who they were and requested i add it anyway. if there’s any other info you’d like me to add, please let me know!!

Previous | Next | Fire and Ice Masterlist

As expected, you were gone when Hansol woke up on the couch. He checked his room and saw a note on the nightstand, along with Chanseong’s ring. The necklace, however, wasn’t there.

Please give this to the pack. They deserve something of theirs as much as I do.

-_____

Hansol put the ring in his pocket before grabbing a jacket and some shoes to go out for the day. He figured he could make it to their house and be back in time for lunch, so he started off as soon as he was ready to go.

As he got to the door, Soonyoung stopped him, “Suvi and I went and spoke to that doctor the other day -- the one Hanbin’s pack mentioned to us. She said she can take a look at you…if you want.”

Hansol nodded, “I’m still thinking about it.”

“When will you decide?” Soonyoung sighed. “We all know it’s hurting you.”

Hansol couldn’t deny that even having on a very thin t-shirt still irritated the silver in him, but he wasn’t going to fix it until he was sure there was a good reason to.

“I’ll decide when _____ decides,” he stated before leaving the house and going toward Hanbin’s.

-

As expected, it only took a few hours in his human form. The ring was safely in his pocket, and he checked every so often to make sure it was still there. He didn’t want to touch it too much but he wanted to make sure it wasn’t suddenly lost or something.

Besides giving the pack the ring, he wanted to get a few things for you. Maybe some of your clothes or belongings you didn’t take, probably a few more shirts of Jiung’s just so you’d have other things that smelled like him. Maybe he’d even get one of his blankets or something just so it wouldn’t lose his scent as quickly. He just wanted things that would make you feel more at home with his pack, even if you only decided to stay with them for a short amount of time.

The fact that you were pushing him away hurt, but what hurt more was that you were unhappy. Hansol didn’t blame you, not at all. He knew you were pushing people away to cope, and people coped it different ways. Like you, some people preferred being alone rather than surrounded by others. Your brother had died, then his mate confessed to only you that he was going to kill himself, you were expected to step up and be an alpha, and everyone had been yelling at you to make decisions since the moment you woke up. He didn’t blame you for acting the way you did, even if you were pushing him away, too. He wanted to give you space to heal, hoping you’d come to him when you were ready.

But even if he wasn’t really the one who killed your brother, he understood your anger and frustration. From what your old pack had told him, you were known for bottling up your emotions until they burst, and you acted without thinking of consequences. You didn’t know how to make sense of what you felt, and you needed something or someone to blame and take your anger out on. Everyone who came near seemed to be a target, but he at least understood why you felt so angry. As long as he understood you, he didn’t think anyone else needed to.

He strolled up to the deck and knocked on the door. He smiled politely down at the mate who answered. He vaguely recalled her name was Seongmi.

“Oh, you’re from that other pack,” the girl smiled politely when she recognized him. “How can we help you?”

“Actually, I have something for your pack,” he began, as Hanbin and Jaesang made their way over. “And…I was wondering if maybe there was anything I could bring back for _____?”

“_____ ran away to your pack?” Hanbin asked, a relieved smile on his face.

Despite what Hanbin probably assumed, Hansol’s expression dropped, shaking his head, “No, not directly. She… One of our mates – the banshee – found her trying to do harm to herself. We got lucky.”

“_____…” Jaesang sighed, shaking his head as he ran his hands over his face.

Hanbin waved the younger wolf inside, “Please come in, Hansol.”

So he followed the two wolves into the living room. Most of the mates didn’t seem to be home, save for Rika who was sewing up Hyojun’s shirt that was completely torn down the back. The wolf just looked up at you and grinned while Rika kept her eyes on the needle between her delicate fingers.

The rest of the pack was inside and seemed to just be resting, mostly. Baekhan was lounging on the couch with a mug in his hands, and Jinyoung was sipping from a bottle of whiskey as he spoke about something else entirely to the two wolves in the room. The only one who seemed to be missing was Rin.

“Hey, Hansol!” Jinyoung nodded as he lifted his bottle to the young wolf. “What brings you back here? Wait, _____ didn’t–”

“_____ is safe,” Hanbin stated.

Jinyoung nodded again, trying to settle his heart that had picked up as he took another sip of whiskey, “Good, good. So then why’d you decide to stop by?”

“I went back to the house the other night,” he began as he fished around in his pocket. “I was hoping to find…well, anything related to Jiung or Chanseong, and I found Jiung’s necklace and gave it to _____. But she left and note and said you guys might want this.”

He opened his palm to show the ring. Hanbin took it, a smile growing on his face as he realized what it was. Even Rika had stopped what she was doing to see what it was.

“Is that…?” her question trailed off, her voice soft.

“It’s the ring,” Hanbin chuckled, shaking his head. “I’ll be damned. We figured there wasn’t going to be anything left.”

“That’s probably not made out of any normal gold,” Hyojun nodded. “Actually...what temperature does gold melt at?”

Hanbin looked up from the ring, his golden eyes sparkling, “Thank you, seriously. Bringing this back means the world to us.”

Hansol nodded in reply.

“You wanted some of the kid’s stuff, right?” Jaesang asked as Hanbin handed the ring off to Rika for her to look at.

Rika rolled her eyes before examining the ring, “She’s still older than you, Jae.”

“And maybe some of Jiung’s, if that’s okay. I noticed she likes to wear his things, and I figured the sweater she’s been wearing is losing his scent. Maybe there’s something that’ll keep the scent for longer that’s less prone to getting dirty,” Hansol chuckled, carding a hand through his hair.

“Of course,” Hanbin nodded. “Follow me.”

The alpha led him upstairs, going to your room first. Hansol quickly went through and grabbed anything he thought you might need, stuffing it into a backpack that was hung on the back of your door. He made sure to grab the picture of you, Jiung, and what he assumed was the rest of your family, off of your nightstand as well, and one of you and a very large group of people – he assumed was the pack before so many died – before he left the room.

Down the hall, Hanbin stopped and opened a door. As soon as it was opened, Hansol knew it was Jiung’s because it still smelled strongly of the late alpha. He looked around a bit, noticing the place was less minimalistic than yours. It had a lot more pictures on desks and dressers, and even hanging on the walls. Clearly, family and pack were something Jiung treasured dearly. There were pictures of other people around Jiung’s age, as well as pictures of people who seemed to be from other countries just like the one he’d grabbed from your room. With Hanbin’s help, Hansol was able to pack pictures that seemed most important, such as ones with your family and old pack members you were close with.

The second thing he did was go through Jiung’s clothes, grabbing as many sweaters as he could since you seemed to like warm things – he assumed it was because of your firebending power – but also a few t-shirts. Hanbin also took the knitted throw blanket from Jiung’s bed and handed it over to the younger wolf.

“His mother knitted this for him and sent it with him as a birthday gift one year,” the alpha explained. “I think _____ will like this, and she’ll probably keep it someplace where it won’t lose the scent. But if she ever misses him and needs something else to feel close to him, you know where to find us.”

Hansol gave the older wolf a grateful smile, “Thank you, Hanbin.”

“You take good care of _____, okay?” Hanbin told him, clapping a hand on Hansol’s shoulder. “If you can do anything about it, don’t let her leave you. I know she’s not really mad at you, but she’s too overwhelmed to face her real emotions. Just…help her though them if you can.”

“I’ll try,” Hansol nodded with a sure look, “I promise.”

-

As he expected, Hansol made it back just in time for lunch. He went and brought everything upstairs, planning to unpack it all afterwards. You weren’t up there, so he assumed you weren’t home – at least he hoped that you weren’t home yet but you would be. So he left the backpack on the bed and went downstairs to wash up for lunch.

As he bounded down the steps, he could hear the pack talking with each other. They seemed to be adjusting nicely to the new house which made everybody happy. Suvi was so far unrecognizable – then again, word about her might not have traveled this far yet – Eunjin hadn’t been screaming as often – though she did one night but she said it was because she couldn’t “hear them” and nobody was going to ask what that meant – and even the wolves seemed to enjoy the larger space. The only person having a more difficult time was Jia just because she was still trying to memorize the layout.

“Hansol!” Yeji grinned as she walked over to him. Dirt was covering every part of her skin that was exposed, and her tail was swishing lazily behind her with some patches of fur matted down. “Do you know if _____ is coming?”

He just shrugged, trying not to let his face turn into a frown, “I’m not sure, to be honest.”

Yeji just scrunched up her nose, one of her ears twitching slightly, “Oh… Uh, well, try not to get too upset over it, y’know? She’s still…recovering.”

“Im Yeji!” Jihoon barked, frowning at the state his mate was in. “Go clean up, you’re not eating like that!”

“Relax,” she scoffed, turning to face her mate, “I’ve eaten off the forest floor before.”

“No,” he stated, grabbing her  hand and bringing her to the bathroom. “You’re not eating while you’re covered in dirt. That’s disgusting.”

Hansol just chuckled at the couple and made his way to the kitchen where most of the pack was, and where the great smell of food was coming from. He hoped that maybe someday you and him could be like Yeji and Jihoon. He thought they were cute.

The pack started taking seats as they waited for food to be done. They typically took food from the stove and then went to wherever to eat it, but they only sat at the table to wait for it to be done. And sure enough, at noon, Soomin, Jun, and Mingyu stepped away from the stove to let the mates get their food.

And only a few seconds later did Hansol’s heartbeat pick up, and then a moment after that, the front door opened. The werewolves heard it as well, but the entire pack didn’t look until the door closed.

You appeared in the doorway, seeing lots of eyes on you which made your cheeks heat up involuntarily.

“…Hi,” was all you could think to say.

“Hi, _____!” Danbi chirped, and you thanked whatever higher being that she was there to make things less weird. “Glad to have you for lunch!”

“Yeah, come sit,” Mingyu smiled, waving you in.

As you entered the kitchen, you locked eyes with Hansol for a brief moment. He was looking at you almost in awe, like God had appeared right in front of him for afternoon tea, and you felt your face heating up even more. You cast your gaze downward as you went to take the seat between Mingyu and Eunjin.

“_____, you’re welcome to get food with the girls,” Soomin told you.

You just shook your head, replying instinctively, “Mates eat first.”

That was always the rule with your previous pack: mates, then both male and female wolves. You may not have eaten as much as a male wolf could, but you definitely ate more than any human.

So after all the mates got their food, Mingyu gestured for you to help yourself. However, you didn’t want to eat. You still had that pit in your stomach that just made you want to gag at the mere idea of food. You really just wanted to go crawl back into bed and hide, but you couldn’t do that here -- you did go back to Baekhyun just to let him know you were still alive because he panicked a lot when he woke up to you missing, and you considered just staying there again. There were too many people here to hide, and you were sure to get annoyed by the noise.

“I’m not hungry,” you mumbled, waving their concerned looks away with your hand.

“_____, you should really eat something,” Soonyoung spoke up. “When was the last time you ate?”

“When I was out,” you lied. All you actually did when you were out was hide to escape the noise and people to be alone. “I’m fine, seriously.”

So the males got up to get their food, taking basically whatever was left. You listened to the pack chat with each other while you silently watched them eat. Hansol sat on the opposite side of the table between Seokmin and Joshua, and you could feel his eyes on you the entire time. However, he didn’t try making conversation with you at all.

“So, _____,” Joshua began, speaking in English as he gathered food with his utensils, “mind if I ask what you’ve been up to lately?”

You just shrugged, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen the town. I went to visit some old friends, went to see what’s changed, stuff like that.”

“And how are you…feeling today?” he asked, his tone suddenly more serious as he was referring to what happened the night before.

You just shook your head and didn’t say anything. He got the hint, though. You didn’t want to talk about it, and that was a feeling he understood. Although, you still couldn’t help but wonder how Eunjin got to you when she did. Did Jiung really manage to lead her there before anything happened? Was she sure it was him?

“Does Eunjin know who she’s speaking to?” you asked Josh, looking down at your plate. You would’ve asked her yourself, but you didn’t want to let the rest of the pack in on your conversation topic. “Like, is she aware of who they were before?”

“I think so, yeah,” Josh nodded. “Why, are you thinking about last night?”

Slowly, you nodded, looking up to meet Joshua’s curious golden eyes, “My parents believed in spirits and stuff. They also said that if you woke up from a dream with a headache, that a spirit was getting inside your head to talk to you.”

The older wolf just shrugged, “I dunno, _____. At this point, I kind of just believe any of that could be possible. I guess it’s up to you to decide if you believe, though.”

[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 51: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

Welcome back, everyone!

This last month the wait has been so much more bearable, both because for Chapter 50 we had to wait 2 long months, so this is nothing compared to that, but also because February is the shortest month! 😂

A short notice before starting: there’s a big translation mistake in the ENG version of chapter 51, this time around. It involves a character’s true name, so please, spread the word because this is going to make the fandom REALLY confused. UPDATE March 3rd 2021: the official CLAMP-FANS Youtube account updated the English translation, correcting the mistake! Go check it!

Let's not delay any further because there's LOTS to unpack in this chapter. What happened might seem "little", but actually in terms of exploration on the psychological side of the characters, there's a lot to talk about. We often say that many things are a mystery in this manga, and at times it becomes even frustrating, but if we actually stop to analyze the emotions and inner turmoil of the characters, we can actually get so much more out of it. So relax with me, and embrace all the emotions this chapter will give to us!

GIF OF THE MONTH!

This chapter could be summarized probably with just one word: FRUSTRATING. I mean it both in a good and bad way, you'll see. Ready to descend into literal hell? Under the cut!

A world of Despair

Let's start with the beautiful (and really expected) color page, featuring Our Lady 'Momo', allowing us to see the colors of her true form! The editorial text reads “Momo, the one who protects the Book. What is the secret of the mysterious world she lures (Sakura) in?” I did expect her to have white hair (like her fur in mascot form) but the blue shading was a nice surprise! This is the first time a character in CCS has got gradient hair (possibly the first CLAMP character?), it's a type of anime hair that has become quite popular in the last years. But what caught me totally by surprise is the color of the eyes!! I expected them to be blue like in this color page, but???

They're purple?? I guess it might be a callback to the red eyes of the rabbits? Anyway, beautiful as I expected. My appreciation and love for Momo really skyrocketed with this chapter, you'll see why.

But the nice feelings leave immediately space to anxiety and despair. Literally. Last chapter we were left off with an uncomfortable feeling, because in the book world Sakura was thrown in, Fujitaka didn't recognize her. And we start exactly from there, in chapter 51: Touya appears on the doorstep too, and he doesn't seem to recognize Sakura. Sakura can't take this scene anymore, and runs away. You can see in her panicked eyes that she's going to seek out the other people she knows, to check if they forgot about her too. She sees Tomoyo on her way to school, and shouts her name. But sadly, we witness another scene that we would've never wanted to witness: Tomoyo turns around, and just like Fujitaka and Touya, she seems to not know who Sakura is. It's particularly heartbreaking because we all know how much Tomoyo loves Sakura, a kind of love and intensity that only she can fully understand. But none of that is present in the polite and composed reaction of the girl. The "love" eyes, the kind and tender stare that she always reserves only for Sakura is gone. As if to rub salt in the wound, all the friends from school arrive, all together (you can really feel how this thing is "staged", because they're all conveniently together, even Rika who supposedly attends another school) and they blatantly ignore Sakura. They ask Tomoyo if she's a friend of hers, and she replies "No." (in the ENG translation this turned into “Nope” which honestly?? sounds really out-of-character for Tomoyo. It’s good for making memes but it ruins the character’s personality). That's it. That's too much to bear. Sakura starts to run again along the streets of this staged Tomoeda with tears starting to surface in her eyes, when she spots him, the love of her life. He's standing besides the swings, the iconic swings that were so important in the stages of their relationship: it's where Syaoran comforted Sakura after the Yukito heart-break (and where Sakura's feelings supposedly started to awaken at full force) and where Syaoran confessed to her, later on. It's also where Sakura and Syaoran had that sweet, sweet moment of memories & promises in chapter 43. He seems to be staring at those swings. He's got his usual serious face on, but he really seems to be thinking something while staring at those swings. Could he be possibly....? Sakura runs to him, and calls his name. And we witness, once again, the worst scene any SyaoSaku fan could see:

Syaoran, too, is completely devoided of the loving stare that he reserves only to his princess. He looks at her with a quite surprised face, and asks:

JP: “Who are you?”

With a very casual, almost rude tone, reminiscent of the way he used to talk to her in the Clow Card arc (which is the way he uses with everyone - but you see, being a stranger, I thought he’d use a little more polite tone with her) Another low blow, especially for Tsubasa fans. I'm pretty sure anyone who has read Tsubasa has felt the heartbreaking force of the infamous "anata wa dare?" scene. So it's almost impossible not to get reminded of that, here, only with reversed roles. And it stings just as much. It stings mainly for Sakura's understandable reaction: her world literally, literally, shatters under her feet, the tears in her eyes unstoppable. She falls down, into the void, her journey into the "book" is probably over, and the impression that I have is that Momo was waiting for her down there to give her an additional talk and help her understand what she had seen, but... As Sakura descends in front of Momo, tears still trailing after her, everything turns black. Time stops.

The bratty teenager and the parent

Momo, knowing perfectly what is going on, turns around slightly annoyed, scolding the culprit: Kaito himself. And this is where I am going to point out the first consistent difference in translation: ENG: “What did I tell you about time magic, Yuna D. Kaito?” JP “Didn’t I tell you to stop using time magic?” I know, at this point many of us probably went falling off their chairs or something: wasn't he about to die? Wasn't his time up? How could he possibly use the time magic? I'll expose my theories later on, in the wrap-up of this post. Another difference in translation happens right here: ENG: “Forgive me. Desperate times call for desperate measures.” JP: “(I did it) Because it was truly a situation of emergency” Here we go again with the usual embellished ENG translation that ends up going overboard. Kaito didn’t apologize at all, in the JP version. And I think it’s important to keep it that way because the way he’s acting in this whole scene is like a teenager challenging their parent who’s scolding him. Literally.

Momo asks him if he wants to go back in time again. And you can be sure as hell he replies "That’s what I intend to do" (JP) . With a hint of defiance, and his usual smile, the one that betrays a fixation that has become madness over time, and it's consuming his life away. Literally. In the meantime, Sakura floats still beside them, and it’s unclear if she can hear them or not. I have my theories for that. Momo starts a desperate attempt at stopping him. After all, she almost went through with her plan: remember her inexplicable evil laugh of the beginning of chapter 50? We actually might have misunderstood her this whole time. She wasn’t testing Sakura, the laugh wasn’t for her. I’m pretty sure now, that she was laughing wickedly because she found herself in front of a golden chance to tamper with Kaito’s plans. Yes. And she went through with it, and we saw how mildly annoyed Kaito was. But you see, Kaito is too strong. Momo knows this. She only hoped he would be too weak to intervene or that he would arrive too late. And although I’m sure Kaito understood that Momo was trying to sabotage him, he didn’t stop even for a second to think about WHY would she do something like that. Nor did he ask her. He just went and, like a villain who locks the door shut in the face of the good character trying to escape, he cuts Momo’s attempt short. Kaito holds a lot of respect for Momo, but with his stance in this scene, he’s reaffirming who’s the one holding the contract, and the owner of the book. Momo is cautious with her words, but continues anyway. She has to try. JP, Kaito: “Sakura-san’s magic keeps growing. For how long will this magic be effective?” JP, Momo: “Despite knowing that, you still intend to do it, right?” Here Momo is talking cryptically, but the message is clear: “You know soon enough your magic won’t be effective on Sakura anymore. You know she’ll fight back. Your time is at its limit. This will likely won’t end up well. And you’re still going to do it?” Again, Kaito doesn’t budge. I swear to god I’ve read this scene while saying repeatedly “you’re a madman, Kaito.” With his usual sly smile, he goes: JP, Kaito: “I have to make her produce the card needed to activate the magic” But Momo does not budge either. She brings up their pact: when he entrered in a contract with her, he revealed his true name to her. 

And here I have to alert everyone of a huge misunderstanding that led the ENG translation to commit a mistake, attributing to Kaito a “real name” that.....isn’t his real name.

I’ll borrow this bit of translation from my dear friend @panicula because her version simply flows better than mine: JP, Momo: “When you made your contract with me, you revealed to me your real name—your truename.”

So what’s the deal here? It’s all in the scriptwriter’s work, our dear Nanase Ohkawa: she built up a very cryptic sentence using both the words 本当の名前 (real name) and 真名 (true name), the latter between brackets: the ENG translators must have thought that the one between brackets was Kaito’s real name, that is “Mana” (the pronounciation of those two kanji). But it isn’t like that. Ohkawa here might have wanted to conceal Kaito’s true name, using this  真名 as a placeholder to hide Kaito’s name, pronounced in this moment by Momo but still not disclosable to us. After all, a true name that literally reads as “True Name” sounds almost like a joke, right? Update of March 3rd, 2021: The mistake was fixed on the Youtube version of the chapter! Hopefully it’ll get fixed in the Comixology release too!

Continuing from here, we then have: JP, Momo: "We might as well say that I hold your [heart] as a magician in the palm of my hands" JP, Kaito: “That’s right.” JP, Momo: "And yet, you still wanted the [Book]'s power, even if you had to make such a dangerous bet" While the ENG version basically says the same thing, the one you find here is closer to the original.

Kaito explains that it’s because he needs two things (that will actually turn into 3 in a short while) to activate the magic he wants: Momo’s book, and the Card from Sakura. One thing I wonder is why the ENG translation keeps calling the magic Kaito wants to activate as “the magics”. Anyway, Momo decides to step up her game. THE questions arrives. “Why?”

But Kaito, just like he’s doing since long time, dodges the bullet. JP: “I just explained shortly ago that I need it"

There’s a moment of silence between the two, it’s easy to imagine the frustration running through Momo at this point, for him continuously avoiding the real problem. At the end of this page, the ENG translation makes her say “Yuna D. Kaito”, but she actually just says “You...”.

And when we turn the page, we find Momo with a sad, painful look, her eyes seem on the verge of bursting into tears at any moment. What kind of pain this creature must be feeling in this moment, well aware of the tragedy this child, no, these children are all heading to? Once again, I borrow my friend @panicula​ ‘s words for the translation of this whole page, because it’s very important: there’s another mistranslation in the ENG version, one that makes Kaito brag about his abilities with magic and gives him an ambitiousness that simply doesn’t belong to him.

JP, Momo: “You’re on the verge of gambling away your life as you try to complete the spell you seek.” JP, Kaito: “Because I discovered an art to do it.” JP, Momo: “I wonder if the you before now truly would have said, ‘I’ve found a way to do it,’ then tried to make it a reality. Surely the whole thing would have been too much of a bother for you?” JP, Kaito: “It is a bother, even now.”

And while Kaito says the last line, his eyes seem to be softening. You’re a liar, Kaito. If it was a bother, you wouldn’t have come to this point. It isn’t a bother, you literally cannot stop yourself from doing it. No one can. Because you know what’s at stake. And Momo is like:  JP: "Yeah, I guess it is. Because on top of being able to obtain almost anything immediately with your (level of) magical power, you were also missing [a certain something]" JP, Kaito: " [a certain something]?" Basically here Momo is implying he couldn't be bothered to do stuff because first, anything came easily to him, so why bother putting effort into anything? Second, he lacked emotions. Love. So he didn't really have the drive to do anything at all. That's when Momo sees that he just doesn't understand, and decides to change the question, raising the bar. If he doesn’t get it with the “why”, he will be forced to get it with this.

ENG, Momo: “Perhaps I asked you the wrong question. If you can’t tell me why you seek this power...” JP, Momo: “Let’s change the question. If you can’t understand it upon being asked [Why], then...

“ [Whom] are you doing this for?

I pointed out the difference in translation because in the JP version, Momo is very clear about what she wants from him. She wants him to understand. Understand something. And she goes as far as she can to make him realize. He’s absolutely shocked by the question. As he should. But, just at that moment, the dark place they are in shatters, and Kaito rewinds time. We don’t find out the answer to Momo’s question, and I have the feeling we won’t find it until the climax.

Sakura finds herself back to her schoolyard, art class is still on, and the first thing she sees is Akiho, who passed out on the ground while tears were still in her eyes. The scene broke my heart 😭 While Sakura and her classmates worriedly assist her, Momo all alone behind the bushes comments on how Kaito wasn’t able to finish rewinding exactly at the point he wanted, and how he literally ran away. Did the question trigger him? I sure hope it did.

Momo is sure of something. Despite his past of boredom and bother, while he didn’t care about anyone, she KNOWS that once given the reason to change, people don’t stay the same. No matter how magically strong you are, or what kind of life you’re leading. JP: “Therefore...please realize (what’s inside) of your [heart]”

Sakura comes back home, but before entering she’s invaded by a bad feeling. She’s greeted by Kero and Suppi, but they notice right away that something isn’t right with her. Sakura explains what happened to the Sakura Cards, and that The Mirror is missing. Syaoran is at home trying to track her down. She explains also that she found Akiho passed out on the ground, while absolutely not remembering nor realizing how that could’ve happened, despite being in front of her. She also talks about the ill feeling that she felt once arriving in front of her house...she calls it “the opposite of happiness”...and then...to end this chapter with a bang... Ladies and gentlemen... This is it? Sakura holds a Clear Card, with the image of her mother’s pendant watch, of which she doesn’t absolutely remember anything. 

Its name is “Time”.

DUUN DUUUUN DUUUUUUUUN.

So? Is this the Card Kaito was looking for?

I say yes.

I know, I said before that I didn’t think it would be a time card! But I have finally understood the use for it. Kaito will not use directly the card to operate the magic he wants to activate. The card will merely be a part of the process, a supply of time magic that will make Momo’s book work.

My idea is that Sakura created this card because she has listened to Kaito and Momo’s conversation while being frozen in time (her conscience probably defeated Kaito’s time magic), and it shook her so much that she produced something about what she heard.

About my theories on why Kaito is still able to walk at all, I have to admit that I’m still brainstorming them, but I have thought again about something Panicle said in our Discord server last month: time magic erodes one’s lifespan, but no one ever said that it erodes the magical power too. So it might be entirely possible that Kaito could be able to use his magic in some capacity literally until his last breath. We will see how things will unfold now that he has rewound time once again, I believe words aren’t for nothing and so, if he said his time was up, something must happen. I know many people will be angry at the time rewinding, but truth to be told, did we really believe that the final climax wouldn’t happen at the play??? And a time rewind was probably the only way to have all the needed characters active (and alive??) after what happened in chapter 50. Last but not least (to me), I liked particularly Kaito and Momo’s conversation in this chapter. For Kaito, because I had proof for the 100th time that he’s in denial. Akiho is important to him. Possibly, she’s everything that he’s got. But such an intense, unknown, devastating feeling is scary and overwhelming. Kaito feels at ease in his little bubble of loneliness. It’s his comfort-zone. He knows everything, in that little bubble. He only has himself, to deal with. Love is scary. Love hurts. Love turns your life all around. Love is unpredictable. He’s terrified of that. It’s not that “I don’t know what it means”, no, you fool, you’re already loving her in your own way. It’s just that you’re too afraid to even see that. You’re making yourself blind on purpose. And you’re throwing yourself into this mission with all you’ve got because you almost hope that death will tear you away from having to deal with these feelings. You don’t care about dying, because then you won’t need to think about what love means, or why you’re doing this, or anything else.

But Momo is trying to save him too, along with Akiho and Sakura. Because she can see that he’s a good boy, under this surface of obliviousness, unawareness and loneliness. And I loved the message she sent in this chapter: no matter how shitty your past can be, you can still turn it around. All you need is a reason to change.

If Kaito realizes that he’s doing all of this for Akiho, the next question will be: does Akiho want this? Does she want to exchange her life with the one of someone else’s? The answer will be, obviously, no, and he would be able to stop himself before it’s too late. They will find another way to save Akiho, one that doesn’t involve sacrificing anyone’s life. Sakura would be safe too, in this way. But Momo knows that the tall, tall walls around his heart are hard to bring down. And that’s why she’s so in pain in this chapter. It was hard to see her almost on the brink of tears, because she knows a tragedy is about to happen again. There’s no trace of the salty Momo in this chapter, only a desperate “aunt” or “parent” trying to save the kids she has affection for, from a sorrowful ending. The pain of knowing and being unable to do more than this. We really need Sakura to bring some hope in this grim scenario.

And yeah, with this last note I’ll end this post which, as usual, turned into an essay but I really REALLY wanted to express my thoughts on this, this time around. And yes, I’m very salty at the translation mistake about Kaito’s true name. Please try to pass the information around, if you don’t want to share this post! See you next month, the chapter will be out on March 31st (Some sources report April 1st, Sakura’s birthday!!), and we’ll probably find it on Comixology 1 day earlier. Don’t forget to visit Clamp-fans’ website to read the chapter for free!

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

The trail of the Whispering Winds 

The Moonlit Woods transforms into a different place after midnight. It's still as eerie as ever, but in a different way though - as in different vibes. I hardly venture out here for good reason so when I do, it's usually with a group, preferably those versed in magic and supernatural stuff.

Last time I came to the Moonlit Woods was with Team Magic - Pippa, Mariposa, Angie, and Willow. While hunting for gyroids we came across an old travel log and found a cocostar tree, which is super rare, so we struck gold with that discovery. Being with the girls made me feel a bit more confident about venturing into the woods so since then, planning out my next adventure has been in the back of my mind.

Speaking of Team Magic, the girls are looking forward to coming back for another gyroid event. Mariposa's been working with Daisy Jane on gyroid designs since then and they're pretty much ready to go. We just haven't been able to set a date yet because the girls are busy with school and college apps but they're hoping to drop by sometime in the near future.

Instead of Team Magic, we have a new group accompanying us in the woods. They don't have an official name but they have been working as a team for years. There's Taiki, a freelance exorcist who comes from a family that has dealt with the supernatural for generations. He's a friend of Miki's, having gone to the same university together.

Nene's his best friend from his hometown - she actually spent a semester at Tome U so she also got to know Miki a bit. She's also the artist Rika has been following, the one who just set up a Patreon and is in the process of getting her webcomic, Seven Wonders, published.

Haru is what they call an untethered spirit. He used to haunt the halls of the school Taiki and Nene went to before it was demolished. Basically Taiki contacted Miki who contacted her brother and his friends at the consultation center so they can find a way to keep Haru around. I only know this because Mikayla asked for some sparkle stones and essences a while back.

Then I got curious and decided to do a bit of research. Turns out there's a lot of different kind of procedures that have varying results. So what Taiki and the others did was no easy feat and they succeeded either by luck or some other factors. In other words, Haru's still a ghost or a spirit, but now he also has a physical form. He looks young - 13 or 14 at the most - but he's obviously a lot older than that - though for the most part he's like any other guy as far as I can tell.

Nene is an artist and the author of Seven Wonders, a webcomic about a girl who befriends a spirit who resides in her school. The story's loosely based on her life - as well as Taiki and Haru's. She started writing it a few years ago, originally a side project to keep herself busy. Then she began updating it regularly and grew a following, prompting her to expand the story. The webcomic then reached international audiences when Taiki offered to translate her work into English so that's when it really started taking off.

The three of them go way back, having first met almost a decade ago. Nene managed to summon Haru in hopes of granting a wish, similar to what happens with the main characters in Seven Wonders. The two end up in a series of misadventures that result in them being bonded by a curse, resulting in Nene being connected with the spirits of the school. Then Taiki came along with the intent of exorcizing spirits such as Haru, only to end up befriending him.

They've been through a lot together, even defying fate (Haru's words) so they can have this future they're living in right now. From what I've heard, dealing with the supernatural - willingly or not - always has a price to pay. It's one of those things where no matter how lightly you tread, you'll step on a landmine either way.

In other words, there's always something to lose.

Taiki was never one to have a "normal" life considering that he comes from a family of exorcists. He has an older brother and younger sister, both who are powerful and pretty well known back home. Miki mentioned that he hasn't really spoken to his family much since moving out. According to Nene and Haru, Taiki was close to his brother, having looked up to him a lot back in the day. Nene and Miki have both speculated that the rift between Taiki and his brother was probably one of the reasons why he decided to stay in Mina Creek instead of going back to Inazuma.

Nene stuck around Inazuma before deciding to join Taiki. Even after graduating she stuck around the school to see Haru, working as a janitor so she'd have an excuse to be there. But when Taiki graduated the following year, the trio didn't see much of each other. Taiki went abroad to Tome University and while Nene still visited Haru and the other spirits, she had to focus on her studies.

Then Nene signed up for a study abroad program, which happened to take her to Miki and Taiki's school. I remember Miki talking about helping out this freshman who was an international student. She said he was struggling quite a bit so it was lucky that they ran into his old friend - his senpai, as he called her back in the day. During her time there while reminiscing with Taiki, Nene was inspired to write Seven Wonders so that's how it all began.

Nene ended up dropping out of university after that semester so she became an artist/content creator while working as a school janitor. Along with that she was also the bridge between the living and the spirits, a role she carried since becoming Haru's assistant when they first met.

In the years that followed, Nene and Haru got involved in supernatural affairs while Taiki offered his assistance once in a while. Things were going well until the school had to close due to financial problems. If that wasn't bad enough, the city was going to demolish the school and a bunch of other old buildings in that area. So Haru was in a tight spot as he would have nowhere to go since he couldn't be outside of the school. And as for Nene, she didn't really have anywhere to go either since being a janitor was what kept her afloat.

Thankfully Taiki and the others were able to come up with a solution or else Nene and Haru wouldn't be here with us. Taiki made the offer for Nene to join him in Mina Creek, something which she was understandably on the fence about. She says she's been adjusting to the move a lot better than she thought, probably because she has been here before so it's not too drastic of a change.

However, it's a big leap for Haru considering that he's been restricted inside a school for years and now he's in a foreign country surrounded by a lot of unfamiliar things. He does seem to be a fast learner - Nene and Taiki were surprised at how quickly his English's improving and if I didn't know, I'd think he'd been studying the language for at least a year or so. Taiki's obviously quite fluent while Nene's sorta in between - Taiki serves as an interpreter when they need a bit of help, which is pretty much what he does during his non-exorcist job.

So far Nene's enjoying life at Minai Creek, though she admits to missing home. She finds the change in scenery intimidating but also necessary. On one hand she's sad to leave the school and the other spirits but at the same time she feels it's probably for the best. Haru's holding his own, though Nene worries about him as the changes they're going through can't be easy on him. She's also worried about Taiki too, especially since it seems like he's completely cut off his ties from his home - by that she means his family.

Nene definitely comes across as a big sister/mom friend. Taiki sometimes calls her onee-chan, which is a way one addresses their older sister in Japanese. I've met Taiki a few times before and I see a different side to him when Nene's around. Or maybe it's because this is the first time I've really gotten to know him? He just seems more ...himself? open? ... when he's with Nene and Haru. It's sweet how much he looks up to Nene - whenever he talked about her in the past you can tell how much he respects and admires her - and now that I finally meet her, I can see it. I think Nene and I are gonna be good friends.

Taiki's had his eye on the Moonlit Woods for a while as there's a section that's kinda dangerous to tread if you're not well versed with spirits and such. Only the bravest exorcists venture there to help clean up the place a little and contain the bad karma by doing what's necessary. He did his research extensively before considering going to that place due to rumors of seasoned exorcists being ill prepared and becoming corrupt, which is the worst case scenario.

Since strength lies in numbers, Taiki needed a reliable team to keep things under control and make a speedy retreat if necessary. Haru and Nene's connections to the spiritual world are valuable, especially since Haru has a bit of a pull with certain higher status spirits that can come in handy in case things go south. As for me and the campers, we're kinda the brute force, serving as the muscle and sort of an anchor to keep the others grounded. Something about certain spirits having an effect on those who can see and interact with them and taking advantage of that by blurring the lines between reality and delusion so we have to keep them from straying.

I don't know how the trio does it, especially Taiki and Nene. To live between mortals and spirits is not easy, more of a curse than a blessing to many. For people like them, they have no choice but to fulfill their roles - Taiki in damage control and Nene in being the communicator. And for Haru, being a spirit who voluntarily chose to stay in the world of the living after being bound to one through a curse, I can't imagine that being easy on him either. There's a lot to unpack with these three and whether I'll get to know the full story or not, it's clear that there's a lot on their shoulders.

Like I said, there's always a price to pay when it involves things beyond our understanding. I just hope that it was worth it. Me being cautiously optimistic, I'd like to think it was or else they wouldn't be together.

The Whispering Winds trail, as expected, was full of perils. On one hand, it was kinda good that I was kept in the dark in an ignorance is bliss sorta way. But that also makes it a bit harder to know exactly what's going on. In a place where the spirit world and mortal world becomes blurred, it gets disorienting, to put it simply. We know we're there when us mortals can see some spirits so it's important to keep our guard up.

There's a reason why they call this trail the Whispering Winds. I heard voices from all around - it wasn't a pleasant experience, to say the least. It was jarring at first but then I grew numb to it. Still, it was an unsettling feeling - 0/10 do not recommend. This is why it's best to go in a group because unexpected things will happen so it's better to be (over)prepared.

In between exorcism rituals we did a bit of sightseeing, which helped lighten the mood. Haru introduced us to some spirits he knew to be harmless and they served as guides through areas they were familiar with. Taiki and Nene did most of the heavy lifting when it came to the rituals while the rest of us stood guard. From what I've seen, it looks like a lot of work - the kind of thing you should leave to the professionals.

All around us were these blue light orb things - spiritual remnants that serve as trail markers according to Haru. Depending on the traces the remnants can leave behind, Nene can manipulate them to open up new pathways. The deeper we go into the trail, the harder it is to navigate as it's supposed to be like that for good reason. Nene's the only one who can directly interact with stuff like that so people like her are the ones who really are granted access to forbidden parts such as these. According to Haru, he and Taiki can't touch them because it can cause trouble due to their blood - meaning it's off limits for exorcists and spirits.

The light orbs also gave us some much needed visibility as well as an eerie glow. When things got quiet, it sorta felt like we were just walking down a long, dimly lit path. When things start to get a bit hazy, that's when it was time to investigate. The feeling is heavy, almost suffocating - a heavy burden to bear indeed. When the heaviness is gone, we move forward, going as far as we can before hitting a dead end. From there, our trek is over and instead of venturing a different path, we go back the way we came, careful not to disturb the newfound peace.

It was an interesting experience - again, it's probably for the best that I don't know too much about it. There's a whole 'nother world out there with exorcisms, spirits, psychics...as curious I am about these sorts of things, I respect that it's not my place when it comes to certain aspects. It's a fascinating world out there but we can't experience or begin to understand certain things that are beyond our scope. It sucks sometimes being just a bystander or outsider but it is what it is.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hmm... Out of curiosity, if MC was very motherly and loved taking care of children, would ever Saeran want a kid in the future (whether through pregnancy or adoption)? Of course, MC would never pressure him into parenting and would respect his decision, since they consider him much more important than their personal wishes.

I think for both Saeran and Saeyoung, there’s definitely going to be a lot of fear and unease around the topic of children. They were both abused, and they both have a pretty awful experience with adult figures. There’s a lot of trauma there in the both of them that they would have to work on and unpack before something like this conversation ever came up. We know that Saeyoung actively wants to have a family with MC, but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t going to deal with the same kind of emotional turmoil that Saeran would in the same circumstance. 

It’s highly unlikely for Saeran to be okay with this idea for a long time. Trust me, it’s nothing against his MC or anything. If they’ve got the qualities that a mother should have, he would feel bad that he doesn’t feel like he’s ready or in the right place mentally to unpack the same level of feelings. He thinks barely knows how to take care of himself and to put somebody’s life in his hands? 

That’s a lot of responsibility. What’s more is that he’s horrified, no, he’s terrified that he’s going to become his mother. His father was a shadowy figure of death and despair but he knows what he’s heard. He knows that he has heard people who continue cycles of abuse after being abused themselves, and he’s so scared that he’s going to hurt a child that it’s one of his worst intrusive thoughts. 

He’s so scared that he’s going to do something horrible. He thinks that he might become a monster, that he might somehow turn into his mother, there’s a lot of real tangible fear in this. Sometimes, that fear bleeds into what Rika did to him as well, because she tried to parent him too, and she did unspeakable things to him and he has nightmares after an MC brings up children or even is around children where—

He doesn’t even want to think about it. It’s so intrusive and petrifying. I think Saeyoung would have similar nightmares and fears, to be honest with you, even if he feels more prepared for the idea of a family with his MC, be it through adoption, or pregnancy. This is a natural fear that many people who were victims of abuse in their childhood go through when they consider if they want to be a person who has children or not. It’s to be expected. 

I think Saeran has these fears to a greater extent than Saeyoung does, and that makes it a little less likely for him to someone to have children with his MC. I’d say that if we’re talking about GE Saeran, specifically, then it may be possible in the distant future that he’s more willing to consider the idea. This is the healthy path for him, the healthiest path for Saeran in the entire game, and his choice to decide for himself what he wants is what grounds him. 

Who is to say where his headspace is in five or ten years? He may feel differently once he’s been in therapy for years and he’s had the time to get a better grasp on life. I think his newfound freedom should be applied how he wants for a while, he deserves to be able to exist for himself and focus on what makes him happy and learning to enjoy life for what it is for a while, and I’d say the same for Saeyoung. 

He may reflect and feel differently in the future, and he can’t deny that he’s seen how compassionate and caring his MC is. For now, he’s happy with just his MC and he’s looking forward to whatever they do together for the rest of their lives, be it together or otherwise. So, I’ll say that it’s not unlikely but if it is something that he considers, it will be many years from the point in the timeline that we are currently. 

[sae-you-sae-me]

Seven x MC: MC Left the RFA (Part 2)

This is the second part to this request, if you want to read it first :) 

“This is a mistake,” Seven mumbled to himself as he stood from the bench for the hundredth time in the past half an hour. He had come earlier to prepare himself, but instead he kept overthinking things.

Overthinking...right. No overthinking. He sat back down. He buried his face in his hands and took a few deep breaths. He jumped when someone touched his shoulder.

MC shot him a small smile. “Ready?”

He nodded and stood. She had said she knew a secluded cafe close by, so he let her take the lead. The walk was quiet and awkward. Neither one of them knew what to say--or perhaps there was too much to say and no way to start.

It wasn’t until they were sitting in the corner of the coffee shop did MC finally speak. “You seem tired.”

Seven nodded. “I’ve been working a lot lately.”

She chewed on her bottom lip, her hand gripping her cup more tightly. “I should probably tell you...I’m moving back into the town.”

“Why do I need to know?” he replied, keeping his voice steady and even, despite the fact that his heart was hammering hard against his chest. He could barely stop himself from trying to trace her these past two years...to have her so close by was a huge temptation.

She let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, you’re right,” she said. “I don’t know why. Actually, I don’t know why I even asked you to come here. I’m sorry. You’re probably behind in work and I--”

“MC,” Seven interrupted, his gaze shifting from his cup to her. “Get to the point. Please.”

She slouched back into her chair. Her fingers absentmindedly drummed against the table. “Last time we spoke...it didn’t go so well.”

Understatement, Seven thought. He yelled, she grabbed her things and left. He let her go once he knew the hacker situation was under control. The RFA collapsed. It was a mess.

She went on. “I want to fix things between us.”

Seven exhaled sharply, raking his fingers through his hair. “MC, I’ve told you before. The kind of life I have, it’s impossible for us to--”

“No!” she burst. “I’m not saying anything about that. I think I pushed my feelings on you too hard last time. I have no intention to. But, I don’t think our friendship should suffer.”

A mix of relief and disappointed twinged Seven’s chest. He watched her carefully for the next few moments. Her eyes remained fixed on her hands. He could see it in the downward twitch of her lips...she was expecting a rejection.

Should he give one? He was still with the agency...still hacking...still dangerous. But less so now that Saeran was rescued and on the mend. In a few years...maybe months, he’d have saved enough to quit. But it was so long off.He couldn’t  risk her life for the indefinite.

He shoved the tip of his thumb between his teeth. He’d been silent for too long. He needed to say it and get it over with. So why couldn’t he?

He let out a loud groan when his brain nearly combusted with his dramatic internal debate.

“Okay,” he finally muttered.

Her eyes grew wide. “W-what did you say?” she breathed.

He couldn’t help but chuckle at her shocked expression. It brought back unwanted nostalgia, but he could handle that for now. “I said ‘okay.’”

It had been three years since she’d come back. Since then, their friendship had slowly but surely grown. It was no anomaly for him to be sitting at the tiny island inside her apartment, watching her unpack the snacks they had just bought.

So why, in the name of Honey Buddha Chips, did he just admit he had feelings for her?

His hand slapped over his mouth, and heat rushed into his face. MC was gaping at him, the bag of chips in her hand fallen to the ground. He had messed up.

“Excuse me?” she rasped.

He swallowed his embarrassment and cleared his throat. He wiped his clammy hands on his jeans. “Sorry,” he began. “I have this bad habit of talking to myself, and it just slipped out. I’m sorry! Just forget I said anything!”

MC shook her head and leaned against the opposite side of the island. “No, what did you just say? I’m pretty sure I heard you wrong.”

He pressed his lips in a fine line. His limbs were jittery, and he wanted nothing more than to flee from the room. He snapped out of his thoughts when she stood in front of him, gripping his shoulders. “Seven?”

He shut his eyes. He might as well come clean...it’s been years. “I...I have feelings for you, MC.”

“Feelings,” she echoed, her unblinking eyes fixated on him.

He nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “But...I know you moved on years ago, so no need to think about it, okay? I’ll sort them out, I guess.”

Lies. If he was being honest with himself, he’d liked her from almost the moment she joined the chatroom. The years that passed only caused them to grow exponentially.

He was expecting a slap across the face. A rejection, maybe. Her yelling at him for refusing her before. But he wasn’t expecting her arms to slip around his neck in an embrace. He was so stunned, it took him a moment to return it.

“I may have lied about the whole moving on thing,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

He pulled her back so he could look at her face. “Beg your pardon?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t think I had a chance, so I thought it was better to be your friend than to be completely distant from you.”

“So, you still…”

“Yep,” she said matter-of-factly.

There was a few moments of silence before they broke out into laughter. Their foreheads somehow ended up together….not that either of them minded or moved away.

“Sorry,” Seven said finally. “I had planned to say something a little more smoothly than that.”

She raised a brow. “You were planning to say something eventually?”

He sucked air through his teeth. “I was planning to start planning to say something.”

MC only laughed. Her eyes searched his for a moment before she sighed. The warmth of breath hit his face, reminding him of the small distance between them. “So, now what?” she asked.

“Well,” he said. “We take it slow, as we always do, I guess. And…” his gaze drifted down to her lips. “I...have a few other ideas.”

A pink blush crept up her neck into her cheeks. Still, she didn’t pull away when his nose brushed against hers. After only half a second more of hesitance, he captured her mouth with his own, kissing her slowly. Her breath hitched but she returned it readily.

For years, their relationship had been shaky. First, everything was too fast...then there was nothing...then it was slow. A total of five years had gone by, and sometimes Seven wondered how things would’ve been different if she hadn’t left Rika’s apartment.But if all those years taught him anything, it was that time was an irrelevant factor in this equation. In the end, the outcome would always be the same as that very moment.

Check out our other headcanons~ Masterlist