#( idk i feel gross :/ )

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[aphel1on]

AuDHD is so funny sometimes like what do you mean my hyperfixations/special interests will last for years on end or possibly forever but they will cycle out every month or two with absolutely no transitional period or warning. like i will think about the same topic every day obsessively for 46 days in a row and on the 47th day with no visible cause adhd brain goes "ok! bored of that now" and autism brain goes "dw i got something queued up for ya" and i blast into full blown obsession on some other topic whose mental file folders haven't opened in 9 months. brain's out here treating hyperfixations like a crop rotation. once the dopamine runs out it cycles in another one but once something's in the rotation it never ever leaves. last summer we brought in one from when i was 11. it's so funny to me but frustrating too bc like. i cannot stress enough my inability to predict or control this. or how completely abrupt and random it can be

[lazylittledragon]

ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

[aurumalatus]

i'm actually so upset rn. like i genuinely feel like my urge to write has just dissipated into thin air lol. i had an anon send me a warning that someone had fed one of my old xiao oneshots into character ai for the purpose of "angst xiao rp". guys, idk if this even needs to be said because i have never seen an author on here wanting this, but I DO NOT WANT MY WORK FED TO AI. EVER. it's just a gross machine-like rewrite of the work that i put my blood, sweat, and tears into, but now it just reads as lifeless and like... nothing.

and that was my favorite xiao work i've ever written too. like i pride myself a lot on the emotion i portrayed with that oneshot, and now i just feel so grossed out.

[the-meme-monarch]

i think my only real complaint abt gravity falls is i don’t feel like i was made to Care about the the people on the cipher wheel and therefore wasn’t really. made to care about Whatever the ‘stand on the cipher wheel and hold hands’ plan was. like yeah they don’t even end up defeating bill with that anyway and that’s fine to me ! it’s really interesting to me that The Prophecy doesn’t come to pass. but i feel like they just didn’t set up those stakes. they showed the cipher wheel like Every episode for a flash after the intro. i feel like i was Supposed to care. they’re Telling us these characters are important but then they kinda just Weren’t. i just think it would’ve been nice to have had episodes centering each of the other people on it to solidify what their place on the wheel Means. these were supposed to be the people destined to see bill’s defeat. i’m not certain most of them even know his name. we could have had a wendy centric episode

[soonhoonsol]

there’s this trend on twitter/X where fans post photos of their cleavage with kpop idol photocards (typically male idols) sticking out of their bras/shirts and idk if i’m too woke or something but this seems to me like harassment toward the idols.

please remember that some of these idols are minors, and even for those who are of age, i don’t think any of those idols would appreciate this kind of content targeted towards them. you’d think they wouldn’t see it but c’mon, so many idols are chronically online now. you really think they won’t see it? especially when you tag the official group accounts and their names??

the replies under each post are typically very sexual in nature too, either toward the op, idol or both. some fans even go so far as to put the photocards in the hem of their pants/underwear. again, gross.

it’s frankly quite sickening watching kpop stans do something demeaning towards idols just for the “trend” or “a hit tweet”. it’s even more sickening that it’s so widespread that it’s become normalized and people, especially the younger crowd, don’t see any issue with what they’re doing anymore because “everyone else is doing it”.

[lilaccatholic]

Complex feelings about copyright and Disney's appalling ethics aside, it does unsettle me how quickly people jump to make and monetize the most unnerving, depraved content imaginable about characters created for children the second it hits the public domain

[xxplastic-cubexx]

maybe controversial take, but i like to think of erik being mostly a huge ladies’ man (look at all the bitches he gets canonically, he can’t NOT love the ladies) but charles is just...... this HUGE exception, lmfao. for a while he was totally oblivious to the fact that he was into charles like that but then one day it smacked him HARD across the face that their Very Special Friendship is actually romantic. he’s since embraced being a bisexual disaster but before charles he had no clue.

would be even funnier if erik and charles had already fooled around a couple times before erik actually realized he was attracted to him. who among us hasn’t fucked their completely platonic bro??

it cant be a controversial take if youre onto something my friend .....

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[zwoftt]

how dorian and ashton feel after saying and making decisions that are in character for them based on the experiences they’ve been through and that make the story more interesting yet still manage to get backlash from it:

[yakultii]

28 October / I think it’s gonna be okay guys !

[lazzarella]

I love that from the moment Tan kissed Fang on the cheek and Fang looks surprised and then has that super cute nose scrunch smile that he obviously likes him and that Tan brings out something in him no one else does (that we see)

But it’s also like… it’s always there, but it’s also a really lovely slow reveal of the full extent of his feelings? Until there’s no denying that oh, yeah, he’s just as gone as Tan is and just as adorably in love and that they’re perfectly matched

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i posted abt this on my tiktok story but i need to rant more so im putting it here 😭😭 the way a lot of mikosai shippers (on tiktok, pinterest, reddit, etc) are is such a big reminder to me of why i hate the strictly romantic soulmates trope with every fiber of my being 😭😭😭 people who interpret soulmates as "that means theyre canonically together" regardless of how the characters actually feel about each other and if they ACTUALLY get together is so fucking gross to me oh my god its so fucking gross i hate forced romance so bad 😭😭 someone cant just say "hey, we're soulmates so you HAVE to date me and its literally weird and impossible for you to like anyone else because i said so!!" and also aiura WOULDNT do that anyway ???? HELLOOO???

you have no idea how many people ive seen call all saiki ships with anyone other than aiura "problematic ships" just because "theyre soulmates"

[amoripomoea]

do you ever. look at how talented your mutuals are and think "i love you. also why do you follow me"

[yingren]

ok now that i've had some food i can sit down and write maybe perhaps possibly because i have things in my inbox and drafts but there is a tiny person in my brain looking at your inboxes so we'll see

[sturgeonrot]

*taps mic* hello helloooo is anybody there

throws this at you like a grenade. hooooly shit. slash and bash.