#( but at least like the main ones are out of the way?? )
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최한솔 // Chwe Hansol [Vernon] Fic Recsᡣ𐭩
I love you, cause I 포기할 수 없는 Only you 너라서 yeah~
Main Recs Masterlist
MINORS DNI!!!!!!!
Please like and reblog the fics to show the creators love and support~
“The Soulmate Service” by @dkfile
Gn!reader || Soulmate au, fluff, angst, pining || W.C: 31k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・the soulmate service has one purpose: to help those who drew the short end of the stick and ended up without a person to live their forever with. after the heart wrenching realization that the boy you’ve loved since you were thirteen isn’t the one meant for you, you put your love life in the hands of vernon chwe — which, now that you think about it, is probably a very bad idea.
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✮
“Closer, Faster" by @saythenametotheworld
Fem!reader || Strangers to lovers, catching feelings, smut || Parts: 2 || Total W.C: 40.7k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・For good reason, you have forbidden yourself to get emotionally attached to temporary people until Vernon comes walking in and wrecks you to your very core.
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✮
“Filmbro-zoned” by @amourcheol
Fem!reader || college au, fluff, comedy, suggestive, ex!mingyu || W.C: 21.7k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・self-proclaimed movie mastermind chwe vernon minds his business—whether that be avoiding the popular, problematic kids in his college to reducing customer interest in his parents' film store. his plan of isolation, however, is completely destroyed when you, a seemingly insane disney fan, slam his perfect movie taste and ask for his help to take down an evil ex.
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✮
“What's Your Favorite Scary Movie?” by @onlymingyus
Fem!reader || 90s au, horror, smut, toxic, yandere!vernon || W.C: 30k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ The summer after graduating high school is supposed to be one last hurrah before you and your friends head off to college---none of you expected it to become a horror movie.
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✮
“Vice;Grip” by @daechwitatamic
[Series] || Afab!reader || Fuck buddies, angst, smut, fluff || Parts: 5 || Total W.C: 32k || Status: Completed
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・You both knew why you were there. You both knew what you needed out of it: just sex, just fun. The just of it failed to last. You know precisely the first time it was different, the first time it wasn’t for fun. You needed the same things as always: his mouth hot on your skin, his hands roaming, the feeling of him emptying your mind and pushing every bad feeling out like there wasn’t room for them anymore. But for the first time, you didn’t want those things for enjoyment. You wanted them as a salve. Make it not hurt, you could have asked him. Or, at least, make it hurt in a way I choose.
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✮
“Love Between The Lines” by @etherealyoungk
Gn!reader || TA!au, Strangers to lovers, calm x chaotic dynamic, fluff || W.C: 12k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・despite the initial nerves of your new gig as an english literature TA, you’re ready to tackle the new job. that’s where you meet vernon, the computer science TA, and he’s interesting to say the least. he’s all about coding and numbers while you live and breathe poetry and novels. it’s clear that you both have contrasting interests and personalities - but they say opposites attract, right?
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✮
“By Hook or By Cross” by @kabira
Fem!reader || meet-ugly au, strangers to lovers, slowburn, fluff, angst, smut || W.C: 12.4k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・so you punched a guy, and now he wants you to teach him how to fight, because clearly, you know how to do it better. well, fine, you say. as long as he keeps his distance. (spoiler alert: he doesn’t.)
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✮
“Do You Dream of Me?" by @miraclewoozi
Gn!reader || Soulmate au, friends to lovers, fluff, angst, pining, suggestive || W.C: 9.6k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・the first time you kiss your soulmate, you’ll open your eyes to a world of colour. the problem? vernon hates the thought that he might pull away from you and still see in monochrome. or, five times he wanted to plant one on you, and the one time you beat him to it.
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✮
“Say You Love Me (I Love You)” by @viastro
Gn!reader || Best friends to lovers, slowburn, fluff, humor || W.C: 5.8k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・three heavy words. you’re so used to saying this to the one person that’s always been by your side, because you know that he’s your other half; platonically. these words have always held some sort of meaning whenever you say it to vernon, in hopes that maybe one day he’ll say it back to you.
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✮
“Work Husband” by @wondernus
Gn!reader || Teacher au, fluff, romance, comedy, mutual pining || W.C: 8.8k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・falling for the young and flirty high school history teacher is inevitable especially when he pays for your groceries and calls himself your work husband
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✮
“Pretty Lies” by @lonelywhalien22
Afab!reader || Band au, enemies to lovers, slowburn, smut, angsty fluff || Parts: 9 || Status: Completed
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・supporting your friend mingyu becomes way more than you ever could have bargained for when you become involved with one of his bandmates
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✮
“Lost in Stereo” by @hannieehaee
Afab!reader || Band au, friends to enemies to lovers, pining, smut || W.C: 8.8k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・after kicking you out of your own band to seek success with the band on his own, vernon finds his plans falling through, all the while you'd reached success on your own. now leading your own label, vernon finds himself having to earn your forgiveness, not realizing how badly he'd hurt you years back.
Please let me know if the links have any problems~
#skye's recsᡣ𐭩#seventeen fic recs#svt fic recs#seventeen fics#vernon fic recs#vernon fanfic#hansol fic recs#seventeen imagines#seventeen angst#seventeen fluff#seventeen smut#vernon imagines#vernon fluff#vernon angst#vernon smut#vernon x reader#hansol x reader#seventeen x reader#vernon x y/n#vernon au#chwe hansol x reader#chwe hansol au#seventeen fanfic#hansol vernon chwe#vernon x you#hansol x you#hansol x y/n
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I just read the part where Kirk experiences the Enterprise's point of view in The Wounded Sky to someone else, where she sees the crew as children she is training up to the Great Desire of exploration for exploration's sake, especially Jim. His reaction, essentially: "That was really pretty. ....And then he blows her up."
I hadn't thought about that before! I checked the copyright date, and it looks like The Wounded Sky came out a year before The Search for Spock, so you were writing without knowing that sacrifice would eventually happen.
How did you feel about that? Do you wish that writing decision had been made differently? (If, as a Trek writer, you're allowed to comment on other Trek writers' choices!)
You know, I tend not to think a whole lot about such issues. First of all, because (in the long run) it gets you nowhere in particular that's useful. And secondly, because it's not a thing that, as a Trek writer in any medium except film, you have the slightest power to change.
Now, at this end of time I think we can safely say that no one's going to hire me on to write a Trek film. And also that no one at that end of the creative spectrum is going to pay the slightest attention to anything I say, either. Both of those situations are just What's So, and neither of them bothers me. (Since I have universes of my own to manage at the moment, and that's where my attention properly lies.) So as regards my opinions about other writers' work, I'm pretty much off the hook.
If I had been on screenwriting duty for that film, would there be things I'd have wanted to do differently? Hell yeah. From the premise up. But the important thing here is: would those things necessarily have worked better on the screen / with the audience? Impossible to tell. And speaking as someone repeatedly given permission to work in someone's universe, the main thing to be aware of is the expectation that your chief responsibility is to do what best serves the characters and the IP of which they're part. (There's a post over at Out of Ambit with a lot more of my thoughts on the subject:)
The other thing to remember is that, though I've worn the Canonical Hat in my time, novel work is by definition non-canonical. Doing it, you are at all times working with the understanding that the licensor rarely views your work as anything better than a corporate side hustle—a way for the IP to make some cash on the side—and will ignore you and the stuff you've created unless given pressing reasons to do otherwise. (Such as when they might make some unexpected money off it... at which point you remind yourself as forcibly as necessary that what you did is Work For Hire; they own it, lock, stock and barrel, and you should not realistically expect to be given any credit.)
And, if you understand the rules and enjoy the work enough, all of this is okay. The reward is not in making a lot of money doing it, or even in having aspects of your work openly assumed into canon. The reward lies in being allowed to contribute to a given universe in public (and, yeah, getting paid for it by the licensor). It's not payback: it's payforward. And you're left an astonishing amount of freedom to bring your vision to that universe. (Sometimes... as one colleague has McCoy say... you have to be "very, very careful" to get away with it. But it can be done.)
The truth is that even in the 1980s, I was sharing this level of playing-in-a-universe with a goodish cohort of editors and writers: a big roomful at least. Now I'm sharing it (retroactively speaking) with hundreds of them. With the best will in the world, even in the 80's the licensors (as regarded film) couldn't have realistically polled/listened to all of us regarding our creative opinions about the screenplay end of things. As for what that'd look like nowadays... I'll leave you to your own deductions. 😏
Anyway, thanks for the question. It's always nice to know that there are people who want to know what you think. 😊
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Codywan Cuddling
I heard my friend @dontbelasagnax wasn't feeling good tonight so I asked her if I could write her a little drabble or something and she asked for Codywan cuddling. Lo! I have returned with approximately 550 words of Codywan having a nice domestic evening in when Cody isn't feeling too good himself featuring cuddling, the Galactic Public Broadcasting Service, and lineage soup recipes as a love language <3 Ficlet under the cut.
Obi-Wan had known that his poor former commander wasn't feeling well when he left that morning for a day of tedious��but necessary–Council meetings. Cody had already had a low-grade fever if the back of Obi-Wan's hand was any gauge, and the way he'd squinted against even the low light of their bedroom had spoken to at least the beginnings of a headache. But he'd insisted that he would be okay and that Obi-Wan should attend to his duties, and the Order's finances were certainly important if not necessarily glamorous, and so Obi-Wan had gone–after securing his partner's promise to rest.
He's quiet as he lets themselves into their quarters, careful not to let the door slam against its frame the way it's become wont to do in recent years in case Cody's migrated to the main room since he left. From the glow of the holoscreen, it seems likely. "Codylove?"
"On the sofa," Cody rasps, holding up one hand in a sort of half-wave over the back of the couch, and Obi-Wan softens even further with sympathy. He sets his armload down on the counter carefully and starts unpacking it.
"I picked up latemeal for us from the refectory, darling."
An inquisitive head pops up over the back of the couch like a grass weasel, clearly interested in whatever Obi-Wan has to offer. It makes Obi-Wan smile, even as he notes that Cody is still squinting and privately wonders just what–if anything–he's managed to eat today.
"What'd they have today?"
"Grandmaster Yoda's specialty, rootleaf stew." Obi-Wan carefully brings the two flimsifoam soup containers and a couple of spoons around to the living area, chuckling softly as he sees Cody's nose scrunch up rather adorably. "I promise it's not as bad as it sounds, my darling. And there's nothing better for chasing away a bug, believe you me." The Jedi's eyes crinkle at the corners with humor. "And best not tell Master Yoda that I snuck enough red sauce in yours to down a krayt dragon while his back was turned."
"I love you," Cody breathes out, all relief, and Obi-Wan deposits the soup containers on the caf table in front of the sofa before Cody can inevitably ensnare him around the waist and drag him back into the (wonderful) cage of his arms. He manages just in time and of course puts up no resistance, going lax in Cody's secure hold as a nose buries itself in his hair.
"I love you too, my darling, but I'm afraid we cannot actually eat the soup in this position." Cody grunts, making absolutely no effort to actually move anywhere, and Obi-Wan laughs softly before using the Force to draw the remote to himself. "Very well then. Shall we see what's playing on GPBS?"
"Alderaan Outdoors," Cody murmurs into his hair. "It's not as much fun to watch without special Kenobi Commentary."
Warmth blooms in Obi-Wan's chest at the light, unbearably fond teasing. Cody tends to have that affect on him. He takes one of Cody's hands in both of his own and brings it up to press a whiskery kiss to his palm. "Alderaan Outdoors it is, commentary and all."
"Then soup."
"Yes, darling. Then soup."
#gifts for moots#codywan#obi wan kenobi#commander cody#i guess this counts as sickfic?#he's only a little under the weather tho#and he's being taken very good care of
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My Overall Thoughts On 1st Anniversary
The 1st anniversary of What in “Hell” is Bad has come and gone and I wanted to talk about it.
TLDR: It was not great.
The whole point of an anniversary in gacha games is for the developers to show their appreciation to the players and thank them for their continued support. And the easiest way to do that is by being generous with their rewards. And PrettyBusy did not do that with this anniversary login event. These are really bad rewards for an anniversary. Not a single gacha currency was given. No Solomon Seals, or Red Keys. Even the stingiest gachas I’ve played would at least give a free ten-pull for anniversary, but not PrettyBusy. It was very disappointing.
We did receive the A+ Jjok/Rin on the 7th day, but he’s mainly in his Jjok red lump form and he doesn’t have any voice lines (he speaks like an animal crossing character for some reason), so that was also a let down. I said this before, and I’ll say it again. Jjok would have worked really well for an April Fool’s joke, especially since Ppyong/Juno was released for April Fools previously. But he wasn’t a great gift for anniversary.
We got a King group chat (seen here) for anniversary. It was nice and seems to be the norm going forward for special events. Then, each of the nobles got a new chat for anniversary. I like that they didn’t leave anybody out. They were sweet messages.
They released a Sitri/Satan event, which was fine, lore is always interesting. It was more of a Sitri event than a Satan one, though, which is odd since they literally just had a Sitri event. It would have been better to focus the event on one of the main characters in WHB, i.e. one of the Kings, i.e. Satan.
We also got an artifact as a reward for completing the event, which gives you Solomon’s Seals once a week, which sounds really good, but-
You only get one Solomon’s Seal a week. So, in one whole year, you can get a whopping single pull. Just why.
Asmodeus, the final Demon King, was added to the game during anniversary. His release was anticlimactic/unfinished to me compared to Lucifer’s and Belphegor’s. No introductory event, no new noble, no glimpse at Abaddon. Just his Selfie Solomon Seals banner. It’s just like… is that it?
They posted a special Solomon Seals banner that included all released characters, even paywalled ones from the Nightmare Pass. If you pulled 100 times, then you could choose to guarantee a specific character, again including paywalled Nightmare Pass characters. This was interesting and something that I didn’t expect.
The 5000 seals to get the guaranteed character was very steep, though, considering how hard it is to get seals. I think 3500 would have been a lot better as a discount/reward for anniversary.
There was a discount on certain items, like Solomon Seals, which was a good deal if you were willing to spend money on the game. Though, they should have made it so you could buy multiple packs to get enough seals for the guaranteed character, rather than limiting it to just one purchase.
#what in hell is bad#whb#what in “hell” is bad?#critique#whb anniversary#prettybusy critique#whb critique#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#prettybusy what in hell is bad#whb jjok#whb rin#whb satan#whb asmodeus
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i dont want to reveal my identity (youll see why in a sec lol) so im saying this here rather than my main account cause im relatively well known in redacted tumblr (annnd im a pussy and this is sort of weighing on me a bit).
i dont know how to say it but there are these chats?? like mainly on discord and instagram and i think some other places too (idk i dont have twitter or x or whatever but i think theres one there too) where people have lists of these accounts they dont like and resolve to 'punish them'. im sure im explaining this terribly but i cant really say much without the people in these chats instantly knowing who i am and adding me to their insane hate pile puritan police bullshit.
i got added to one of the discord chats in august by a mutual from a redacted server i was in (not the main one like some fan one from tumblr) and genuinely? it is fucking insane. think genuine csi shit. like sorting people into who supports 'problematic ships' and 'supports problematic characters' or who are 'rape apologists' or even just 'icky' and genuinely allocating certain people to harass and threaten them. and i mean seriously organising. as in scheduling when to spam anons or making hate posts or trying to work out their real identities to 'drill the lesson in' (actual quote).
whats worse is that many bigger accounts in the fandom are in these chats. like people ive been friendly with for months (if not years) who i thought were cool, but then act completely different there. i wont name drop or anything, mainly to respect the rules of this blog and preserve my own identity (cause god knows they dont deserve that after some of the shit theyve said and done), but if youre in redacted tumblr, you defintely know at least some of them. 100% you do.
ive gone out of my way to warn some of these accounts ive seen on there frequently (so if you got an anon warning you about these chats hello!! its me!!) but i cannot understate how fucking crazy they are. not only do these supposed 'progressive accepting people' resort to misogyny, transphobia, homophobia and racism (esp this one, jesus the slurs) towards any account they dont like, they also genuinely view themselves as these insane moral authorities set on 'cleansing the fandom of the filth' (another actual quote from one of the discord chats. i genuinely had to take a lap after reading it bc it was so cringe and insane it physically hurt)
i swear im telling the truth with this btw, i know it sounds so stupid and unbelievable but i just needed to get it out of my system because ive been lurking in this chat and i feel kinda responsible for all the hate these poor people are getting, since im not standing up against them. so to anyone whos received heavy hate for 'problematic opinions' im really fucking sorry man. i shoulda tried to put a stop to it but there were so many big accounts there i was afraid of getting ostracised from the community or targeted myself.
anyway, point is. be careful. watch ur faves. and god, everyone in this moral brigade stop being so fucking demented. youre making this unfun for everyone.
(thank you for giving a space for me to speak about this btw bc i genuinely dont know how i wouldve told people widescale otherwise. i really appreciate the space you provide for us all <33 )
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https://www.tumblr.com/wraithdance/765961917651140608/i-really-liked-your-explanation-of-the-whole?source=share
I am really bad at articulating my thoughts but I think about this a lot as someone who hopes to 1- major in neuroscience (i'm 18, going to uni next year) and 2- is trans. I know being trans is not the same thing at all as POC experiences with fic, very cognizant of that, but more to the point where I relate to the aspect of not being able to get over the like mental wall of seeing "neutral" readers as me? I don't know what my brain is doing when i read certain fics but sometimes i can't do it.
I feel like I should close read some of my favorite fic and least favorite fic to see if there are triggers I didn't notice on the first read. does that make sense or seem similar to what you experience? Again I know it's not the same thing, but like i am so curious as to what cis straight white people put in their fic that makes it so obvious that they're cis straight white.
I am sorry if this bothers you, really not my intentions, I am obviously a future brain nerd and i can't stop thinking about this
Congratulations fellow Nerd! You've activated my interest in Race theory and fandom writing from an academic perspective!
Writing reflects life and to answer this question properly, I have to talk about life shit to catch you up to speed, (this should help if you take a sociology or cultural anthropology class lmao) So, Welcome to:
Calvary yaps: Sociology & Intersectionality in fandom writing 101!
Disclaimer: I'm just a random bitch on the internet who loves English and the ridiculousness of social hierarchies, this will be referencing American social constructs and in groups only, with a focus on my experience as a Black American woman who reads a shit ton of books. Don't fight me if you hate my explanation, I will simply not respond.
Read my house rules before sending me an ask, I'm just being a dumb ass rn and word vomiting my interests, so pls i beg no follow up questions unless I say I'm open to em later.
Definitions to know:
Socialization: the act of preparing individuals to participate in society by learned social norms taught in ones family or social settings like school/friend groups. (one can be socialized in gender, race, cultural practices, etc.)
Social Hierarchies: systems of social organization in which some individuals enjoy a higher social status than others (in my opinion this is a lingering safety measure from lizard brain cavemen hunter/gatherer days)
Intersectionality: A term coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw; The process of acknowledging the unique parallels a marginalized person experiences when they have more than one marginalization (ie: race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, size, etc.)
Matriarchal society: Social groups/family structures that center female figures as representatives of authority.
Implicit Bias: Unintentional bias a person may have towards a group or individual based on learned stereotypes, prejudices, perceptions based on another's background or state of being.
first, yes anon you are making sense! So the main question:
'What cis straight white people put in their fic that makes it so obvious that they're cis straight white?'
I've been mulling this question around in my head for a few days and tried to figure out how to articulate this without going into depth in Sociological theory, but I can't! So here we are lmao, this is long as fuck so TLDR here.
I've talked to a LOT of Black and PoC people over the last months because I thought I was the only one who felt strange or could tell immediately when a writer was white, despite doing the best job they could to be neutral.
Every person I spoke to agreed they could tell right away even if we don't share similar racial backgrounds.
The answer I've come up with to why that is, is because white people are socialized (taught by society/their parents how to behave) in a way many black and PoC people are not, so their reader characters will often act in a way PoC people have learned not to, so it flags for many of us.
I plan to answer another question about this at a later date so an example is with shit like:
An over deference to hyper masculine male characters (for PoC cultures like certain Black/Latine groups that are often matriarchal in nature and don’t ascribe to as many traditional gender roles, this is a flag), lack of interpersonal/familial connection, over meekness, no challenging of external factors so things just HAPPEN to the reader and lack of awareness of surroundings to name a few.
A lot of the language of the irl world places white cis people from Western countries as the default and everyone else as others. In which, PoC people have learned to navigate the world very carefully with a hyper-focus on what will potentially bring them harm/scrutiny/ostracism especially in white dominant spaces.
That extends to when we have down time while reading or partaking in media smfh.
I'm sure you've had to learn the same as a trans person navigating cis spaces and it's the same with any marginalization! If you are disabled you have an awareness of able bodied people and their expectations, same with being fat amongst skinny people, etc.
The more marginalizations you have, the louder the rules of social hierarchies become. Which is why many marginalized ppl stick close to those who 'get it' in their social groups as an act of safety in numbers. (Many of us attempt to have strong family connection/harmony because of this)
So referring to your comment about being trans is not the same thing at all as POC experiences with fic, it is when you are a Black or PoC trans person! My angel face @/buttdumplin has spoken a lot about that as a Mexican transman reading fics by cis people!
(Please for the love of God no one come to me explaining how marginalized they are so they shouldn't be lumped in with the white ppl PoC are cognizant of, I will check myself into a psych ward)
So what does that gotta do with reading fics?
No matter what anyone thinks, it is damn near impossible to not frame your writing from the perspective of your lived experiences. It's why even when I try my hardest to make my characters not sound Black, they will always read that way because I have been Black all of my life!
And it doesn't just happen with race, go on tiktok and search male authors writing women. (or here's another article lmao)
Also ask a Southerner how they know someone has never been to the South and don't know shit about our accents when they write Graves. There are linguistic tells that flag off and why we flame actors who pick up southern accents for their roles.
(They chew on that terrible goddamn Appalachian or Louisiana Accent not realizing Southern accents come in many fonts.)
So when I read a fic about Kyle Garrick from a non black person, I can tell the writer is non black by linguistic implications, the things they emphasize about him and what they don't. It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy reading fics from non black people, I can just tell!
And sometimes that means I, and other PoC's associate the Reader as a white OC while reading fics.
For example, all black people are not monolithic because of our cultural and regional experiences, but many of us share common threads. That's usually family involvement, colloquialisms, that stupid fucking cookie tin our elders put sewing supplies in...
Other non Black PoC people might share similar cultural practices, so when I'm reading fics from say a latina, I will cock my head and go wait.... are you...? And surely enough, they are a person of color.
But even while reading from a non black PoC, I have to tread carefully because anti black sentiment exists in many cultures, which is why you'll hear me say Black and PoC/Non black people interchangeably.
It’s how the conversation of Implicit bias comes up, because unknowingly non white characters can sometimes be written with a hyper focus that makes them seem inhumanly one characteristic or with little to no background while the other characters are fully fleshed out.
like the character of color is just a stand in to move the plot around white characters forward.
So all that to say, without sometimes meaning to white writers will always sound off to me in a way that my brain can pick up on in the most minuscule ways because my awareness of my blackness/otherness has been drilled in from birth and reinforced by social norms.
I can even tell immediately if a white person has been around only white spaces their whole life with the jokes they tell lol.
In the grand scheme of things the race of the writer is most important to me when something jarring comes up that slaps me away from the experience, it explains so much of the disconnect.
Every marginalized person has a threshold for what they can ignore as a ‘trigger’ before they’re ejected from reader inserts, mine is usually the association with racial historical happenings, certain gender dynamics, etc.
It's why I mention crying like a little bitch when I read my friend Jess's (Kyletogaz) TF 141 Hair series, Dragon’s (Dragonnarative-writes) Transferrable Skills, and even Xavi's (Buttdumplin) Piercing fic.
Reading those fics felt like safety and familiarity. It was a moment where I realized I could drop the mental load I had no idea I was carrying, where I was trying to prepare myself for potential emotional damage and just READ.
It's also why as a Black person who fucks with kink and sex work it's been so touch and go when navigating dark fics/kink fics/fics about Sex workers.
Because there are different rules of engagement non white kinksters have to be aware of and that leads to a point on the collective vs. Individual experience as a PoC in kink, that I’ll eventually make a post about at some point or another. Maybe…
So yeah I’m tired of yapping. I hope this long shit was enough of an explanation!! Thanks to my friends Kiko, Jules, Xavi and Folded for yapping with me so I could articulate this better!!
#asks#calvary talks fandom shit#please I beg don't send me more asks on this#my poor brain needs to focus on some more school shit
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Happy November, everyone! Here's a late collection of the icons that I've been using for the last few months. The lines and dots one is the new one! I saw some Art Deco wood carving recently that was cool and wanted to borrow the style.
The rubber duck cassowary is from July, because a loved one is really into ducks recently. The black and white cassowary is from August, for no particular reason. The Starfleet cassowary is from September, because we started doing a catch-up on things like "Strange New Worlds", "Lower Decks", and "Discovery". The cassowary made of dots is from October, just because I saw another piece of art that I liked.
Fandom news: I finally finished "Some Unknown Corner", my Qijiu reunion fix-it fic!!! Which took me WAY longer than initially expected. Part of it is that I've been spending more time with family lately (saw some people I hadn't seen in years last month), which means less time to write but has been very nice, and part it of seems to be that I'm just a little busy and burnt out at the moment.
I'm not currently planning on joining any fandom events at the moment, or making any firm fic plans; I'm letting loose and just relaxing. I will be TRYING not to be possessed by some unwieldy project. Trying!!! I'm definitely not (intentionally) writing any novels this month. For now (at least the next couple months), I don't think I'll be posting any new fic unless it's a short one-shot or already complete longfic. November and December tend to be some of the busier months in my personal life. I have some WIP projects for other fandoms that I'd like to shove out the door and use to cleanse my palate a little, but again, the main goal right now is taking it slow.
If you have a fandom project right now that is stressing you out, I offer you permission from a random stranger to take a break from it, if you want one! Enjoy a nap on the couch and some good food and a walk, if you can and if you like! Fic will wait.
Thank you for all the lovely comments and messages and such! I appreciate them very much and will be trying to casually catch up on those again. ❤️❤️❤️
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Hi, just wanted to say that I love your work! Especially with Benny and Frankie so much that I have an idea for Benny! Female reader (not picky about the name) meets Benny at a bar days after she catches her now ex-boyfriend cheating on her and they hook up at his place, but she leaves before he wakes up. She later finds out she's pregnant but doesn't tell anyone who the father is. Months later while still pregnant, her friends convince her to come with them to see a MMA fight and low and behold Benny is there fighting. He doesn't see her at first, but when the fight ends (which he wins) he sees her and she leaves abruptly while hiding her stomach since she's wearing baggy clothing. However, Benny manages to catch up to her, where she reveals the news to him. They then talk some more at her place where he reveals to her that she's been on his mind ever since that night and begins the start of something new.
One Night Can Change Everything
Pairing: Benny Miller x f!reader
Word Count: 6400+
Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!
Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.
Notes: Rea is a general nickname for a “reader” character that @mermaidxatxheart came up with and I think that’s genius! This is not beta’d.
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❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)
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**Reader is not described
Main Masterlist
Benny Miller Masterlist
“Ok, that’s it. I’m making you get out of this bed now,” My best friend Sage declares as she towers over my bed, where I have lived for the past several days. Ever since I caught my boyfriend sleeping with my co-worker. Co-workerS.
Ex-boyfriend now, I suppose.
I groan, attempting to roll over but Sage grabs my shoulder and flips me back over, digging her fingers lovingly into my skin. “I love you Rea, I do. But you have to get out of this bed. He’s not worth it.”
She’s right. I know she is. But we had been dating for nearly 2 years, mostly. It was on and off, but we had talked about marriage, kids, all of it. I thought he would be my forever but apparently, I was his “for now”.
Fuck this asshole.
I sit up quickly, nearly colliding with Sage, and yank the covers off me, determination flooding my veins, choking out the hurt. For now, at least.
“Alright, alright. I’m up.”
Sage points to the bathroom. “First, please take a shower. Then we’re going to Mick’s.”
I’d almost forgotten about Mick’s, Sage’s favorite bar. Probably because it’s full of rugged, blue-collar men and Sage definitely has a type. Not that I can blame her.
“Ok, but I’m just going for you. And science.”
Sage snorts. “Sure, Rea. Sure. Don’t forget to shave.”
—--------------
An hour later and I’m walking into Mick’s front door, loud music vibrating through me. It’s busy, but I’ve seen it busier and we manage to snag a couple of stools at the bar. Within 10 minutes, Sage is led to the dance floor by some burly lumberjack, complete with flannel shirt and all. I throw my hand up in the air in a “what about me” motion as she glances behind her, shrugging and gesturing around the room before focusing all of her attention on the flannel clad bear of a man in front of her, who is surprisingly agile. I turn back to the bar, taking my hand off the top of my glass, tossing the last of the liquid down my throat, coughing slightly at the burn. I set my glass down, my finger trailing along the rim, wondering if I should call an Uber or wait for my friend, when a man slides in next to me, flagging down the bartender.
“5 beers, please.” His voice has a slight drawl to it, his tone warming me all over.
“Seems a lot for one man.” Where the hell did that courage come from?
The man, clad in a button up light blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up that opens to reveal a camo print shirt, turns his head to me and for what feels like days, I’m rendered speechless. This man is gorgeous - a sloping nose, sandy blonde hair that flips out from behind his backward hat, some patchy facial hair, and the most intensely blue eyes I’ve ever seen. They glance quickly down my body and back up, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Ain’t all for me, sweetheart. Got a table full of impatient assholes waiting for a beer.”
I cock my head to the side. “You lose a bet or something?”
The man tips his head back and laughs, his shoulders shaking with it and I feel my body tingle. I could listen to that sound forever.
“How the hell did you know that?” His smile is wide, all of his attention on me, his eyebrows raised in question.
I shrug. “I’d send the guy who lost a bet to get the first round, at least.”
He chuckles. “Smart girl…I’m Ben. Friends call me Benny.”
I tell him my name. “But my friends call me Rea.”
“I like that. Nice to meet you, Rea.” He sticks his hand out to shake mine, but before I can, 4 beers slide in front of him and he glances down at them, his shoulders dropping ever so slightly.
Finding courage from somewhere, I lay my hand on his forearm and have to resist squeezing. “You have to go back so soon?”
He smiles again, the skin around his eyes crinkling with it. “Nah, sweetheart. I’ll be right back. Promise me you’ll wait right here?” There go the eyebrows again, pulling together and making him look like a puppy. Fuck I am so screwed.
“I’ll be waiting.”
He hesitates for a brief second before taking my hand and kissing the back of it. “Now that’s something to make a man move fast.” He winks, grabs the four beers, and heads off into the crowd, making his way towards the back of the room. Hate to see him leave, but damn I’m loving watching him go, his 6’3 frame easily visible over the crowd. He drops off the beers somewhere at the back of the room, turning quickly to push his way back through the crowd, his eyes locking on mine and giving me a sly smile.
“You waited.” He slides back into the barstool next to me as I pull my leg from it, the universal gesture for this is saved.
Fuck his eyes are so blue. “You came back.”
A smile plays at the corner of his lips. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”
I look down for a moment, my mind going back to my ex and all of his cheating, making me feel less than. Benny seems to sense something, his large hand hesitating a moment before he gently squeezes my arm. “You ok?”
I shake my head, my eyes locking back on his blues. “Yeah. I’m great now you’re here.”
Benny is easy to talk to, fun, and flirty. He’s in Delta Force, or was, with his actual brother, one of the men that he’d owed a beer to earlier. We talk about everything and anything, Benny eventually pulling me to the dance floor and whisking me about, sometimes dancing and other times being silly and smiling when I laugh. After several songs, we need a break, managing to snag a couple of stools at the bar, sipping on a couple of drinks.
“So you live local?” He asks me, taking another swig from his beer.
I nod. “Yeah. I don’t typically come here, but my friend Sage dragged me out of the house.”
“Well remind me to thank her. She here?”
“Actually,” I turn and look out at the crowd for several moments, finally seeing her in the back corner, making out with Flannel Bear Man. I chuckle. “Yeah, she’s a little occupied.”
Benny chuckles, taking another swig of his beer, his free hand hesitating a moment before landing on my bare thigh, just above my knee. “Well I can keep you company.”
His warm hand against my skin has my brain short-circuiting. I can’t think of what to say so I return his question. “Are you local?”
He nods, his thumb slowly rubbing circles across my skin. “Yeah. But some water main or somethin’ broke in my building. They put us all up in hotels until they fix it. Burst a few pipes.”
“Oh no! Is your stuff ok?” I place my hand over his on my leg, giving it a little squeeze and move it further up my thigh, heat immediately rushing to an area not far from where his hand is.
He clears his throat. “Uh, y-yeah. Well, I had some water damage but didn’t lose anythin’ big. They just have to put down new floors.”
The music volume suddenly goes up by several volumes, turning the place into a mini club. Benny winces and I can see that it triggers him, the loud sounds and people becoming a little much. I lean in closer to his ear, gently rubbing circles into the back of his hand.
“It’s too fucking loud! Wanna get out of here?” I pull my head back to look at him, our faces only an inch apart. His eyes flit between mine, briefly pausing on my lips.
“If you’re sure, hell yeah.”
I smile and he returns it before I lean back into his ear. “Let me flag my friend down and let her know. Stay right here so I don’t lose you.”
He turns his head, his nose brushing against my cheek. “I’ll be right here.” Hating that I have to move, I gently place his hand on his thigh and give him a wink before turning, scanning the corner where I had last seen Sage. She’s still there, Flannel Bear Man sucking on her neck. I force my way through the crowd and eventually emerge in front of her. Sage’s gaze takes a moment to settle on me.
“Rea! Where’ve you been?” She yells above the music.
I gesture to where I came from. “At the bar. Waiting for you.”
She gasps as Flannel Bear Man starts to bite her skin. “S-sorry, Rea. I-”
I cut her off, not wanting to intrude any longer. “No worries. I’m getting out of here. With a guy. I’ll get an Uber.”
Sage reaches out and grips my wrist, breaking the suction from Flannel Man who only seems to just realize I’m standing here.
“A guy? You found someone? Do you need condoms?”
“Sage! I have to go!”
“Wait!” She pulls her clutch from somewhere and digs around in it, quickly sliding a few foiled square packages in my hand. “ Remember, it’s just a rebound. Don’t get attached. Have fun and be safe!”
I can’t help the heat in my cheeks, but I tuck the condoms in my bag. “Thanks. I’ll ping you my location.”
Sage releases my wrist and smiles at me before I turn back to Benny, shoving my way through more bodies on the dance floor. I emerge on the other side and see him still sitting where I left him, hat turned backward and looking so fucking hot.
This is all so unlike me, but I like Benny. Sage’s words echo through my head “it’s just a rebound. Have some fun.”
I walk up to Benny and he turns his head, standing and giving me a wide smile. “Ready to go, sweetheart?”
I nod and he offers me his hand, which I happily accept, his touch warming me all over as he guides us through the crowd and out the front door, the volume immediately decreasing the moment the door closes behind us.
“Now I can hear myself think!” Benny chuckles as he pulls my hand to his lips, lightly brushing them against my knuckles, his puppy dog eyes on mine. “Did you drive?
“Hhhm? Oh, uh no. Uber.”
Benny nods. “I have my jeep. I can drive us somewhere? Unless you’d feel safer using Uber?”
I study him for a moment, deciding that I trust him. “I love Jeeps.”
He smiles, his grip on my hand tightening slightly as he directs me to the parking lot, chatting a little too fast about his Jeep, like he’s nervous. He helps me into the passenger side, sliding across the hood to make it to the driver’s side quicker, smiling at my laugh. He starts the Jeep and gets the ac started before turning to me.
“Where to?”
It’s just a rebound. Have fun. “I’d love to see your hotel.”
His eyebrows raise, that same smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Yeah? You don’t have to. I mean, we could just get a burger or somethin’.”
I look down at my hands in my lap. Did I misread the signals? He was definitely coming on to me, right? I wasn’t reading into that? Before I can spiral further, Benny puts his hand over mine. “Hey, look. I like you and think you’re fucking hot as hell and would love to take you to my room to uh, show you the room. But I don’t want to presume or make you feel obligated or anything.”
I would choose a fucking gentlemen for a rebound. Fuck. I close my hand over his and meet his eyes. “Thanks, Benny. I don’t want to push you or presume either.”
He chuckles once, removing his hand to put his Jeep in reverse and then back into drive. “Sweetheart, you can take advantage of me any day.”
That breaks the awkwardness and has us laughing, falling back into conversation easily as Benny navigates through traffic. Gently, I lay his hand on my bare thigh again, wrapping my hand over his. He’s talking about something, I honestly can’t focus because he’s started to move, his fingers tracing slow lines across my skin as his hand moves further up my leg, getting closer to where I desperately want him to be. We hit a red light and the Jeep goes quiet, Benny turning to look at me as he slides his hand further up, his pinkie finger just barely tracing the crease of my thigh, heat and wet pooling just beyond his touch. My lips part and I let out a gasp of air, my eyes finding his.
There’s a moment of hesitation but then I grip his shirt, pulling him towards me, our lips crashing together. He nips at my bottom lip and I gasp, Benny taking full advantage to slide his tongue into my open mouth, a small moan escaping me. His free hand leaves the steering wheel to grip the back of my head, holding me to him as he explores my mouth. The car behind us honks and we jump apart, the light having already turned green. Benny sticks his hand up to apologize to the car behind us, driving on, but immediately places his hand back on me, this time, his pinkie grazes up my panties and I squirm a little in my seat, not used to this much attention. He stills his movements.
“Is it too much?” He’s actually concerned.
“More like, not enough.”
Benny makes it to his hotel in record time.
Heated touches and kisses down the hallway has Benny dropping his room key a few times. As he tries to jam it into the lock, I slide my hands around him from behind, moving up his stomach from under his shirt and fuck he has a nice body, my hands moving lightly over his toned chest. He finally jams the key into the lock and flings the door open, tossing his keys on top of the dresser. He spins back around to face me, his eyes blown wide and dark with lust.
He swallows hard. “Are you…are you sure?”
I step close to Benny, gently take his wrist and turn his hand palm up. One hand still holding his, I open my bag and fish out one of the foil squares, and place the condom in Benny’s hand. He glances down at it before looking back at me, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips.
“Rea, did you get a condom from your friend?”
I can feel the heat blooming in my cheeks. “No! I mean, technically yes but she-”
He cuts me off with his lips, one hand wrapped around my head and the other grips my hips, fingers digging into my skin as he pulls me flush against him. I can feel him hard beneath his jeans and I moan into his kiss, pressing myself against him so I can try to relieve some of the rapidly increasing hear between my thighs. He moves us and I feel the bed hit the back of my knees, but he holds me tighter before breaking the kiss. Both of us rip the shirts from our bodies, my bra quickly following. I reach for my pants but he grabs my wrists and stills them, his blue eys falling to my chest. He gently cups a boob and lightly pinches the nipple and I gasp, the small movement shooting straight between my legs.
Then Benny sinks to his knees, eye level with my pants. He pops open the button on my jeans, sliding them down my legs where I help him kick them off. His large fingers trace the outline of my panties, the heat pooling there as I gasp at his touch. He hooks his fingers into them and slides them down my legs too, his eyes locked on the space between my thighs.
“Fuck you’re beautiful,” he half whispers. A half chuckle escapes me before it turns into a moan as he slides his nose up my slit, bumping into my clit. He growls, using my hips to push me down on the bed, tossing my legs over his shoulders like it was nothing.
Which I have no time to think about because his mouth is on me, his hands on my inner thighs, pressing them further apart, widening his canvas. His tongue explores me, seeking all the areas that have me writhing under his firm grip. He somehow finds spots that I didn’t even know existed, sucking lightly, lapping, the coil of pleasure quickly tightening until a sound erupts from me, somewhere between a chant and a moan, my fingers gripping his hair to keep him in the same spot as he prolongs my release.
My head is in a blissful haze, but I manage a whine as he pulls away from me, taking his pants off when he does. I hear the sound of the condom opening and I watch him as he rolls the condom on himself. I lean up on my elbows to see better, because he’s gorgeous, not girthy but longer, and definitely not anywhere near a size I’ve had in me.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll take my time.” I blink, looking up at his face and see that there’s a hint of concern there, like he wants to make sure I’m comfortable.
I scoot further up on the bed to give him more space. “Don’t worry about me. I can take you.”
His eyes darken and he grabs my ankle, yanking me back down towards the end of the bed. I squeal, my body heating up again as he lowers himself between my legs. He pauses, his eyes bright as he glances between my own.
“You’re so beautiful,” there’s that almost whisper voice again, his eyebrows pulling together so he looks like a puppy.
“So are you, Benny.” We take each other in for a few more moments, my body about to burst with all of the tension and hormones racing through it. “Now please fuck me, now.” I know I’m begging, but I don’t care.
And neither does Benny, apparently, as he smirks. “Yes ma’am.”
He slowly presses his hips forward and I let out a moan as he stretches me, pushing further and further in. I’m not sure how, but he bottoms out, dropping his head to my chest, breathing heavy for a moment.
“Fuck, you feel so good. Gimme a sec so I don’t blow my load like a teenager.”
I manage some sort of confirmation sound, but then a moment later, he slowly pulls out and presses back in, repeating this a few times so I can adjust to his length. It’s driving me mad and I writhe under him, feeling every inch of him as he slowly moves in and out of me. He pulls out, his hips pausing as he looks down at me and it’s like time stops. Just for a moment. Then his lips crash to mine as he pushes forward quickly, sliding into me in one fast movement and I cry out, my hands gripping his biceps, nails digging into his skin as his hips set a fast pace, his direction and speed adjusting to my moans of pleasure. Every time he pushes in, he hits a spot somewhere at the back of me, a place no one has touched, and it sends sparks through my vision, my entire body like a livewire as he pushes me towards the edge.
“Fuck, Benny, I’m gonna-” my body ignites, pleasure radiating out from my cunt, his name tumbling from my lips in praise, begging him to keep going, or stop, or do it again. I have no idea, my head so engulfed in pleasure.
“Fuck!” He yells, pressing into me one last time before he grunts, little pants and gasps tumbling from him. His head falls to my chest as he comes down.
We stay like that for several moments, trying to catch our breath. Eventually, Benny pulls out, tossing the condom in the trash can by the bed before rolling onto his back next to me.
“What’s your third favorite dinosaur?”
I laugh, my entire body moving with it as Benny joins in, tears running down our cheeks as my movements turn me towards him.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been asked that question, let alone just after sex.”
Benny shrugs, smiling. “Had to break the tension and awkwardness somehow.”
“Well that definitely works!”
His face grows serious. “You didn’t answer the question.”
After that laughing fit, I think on it a moment. “Pterodactyl. Because they can fly.”
Benny nods. “Interesting. What’s your favorite then?”
“Nope. I’m saving that answer for after round 2.”
His eyes grow dark almost instantly. “Round 2? Like, tonight?”
“Well, my friend gave me a whole row of condoms and I don’t want to take any home.”
—----
A few hours later, I’m laying in Benny’s bed, thoroughly fucked, Benny sprawled across the bed on his stomach, lightly snoring. He’s so fucking beautiful. But then Sage’s words echo in my head “It’s just a rebound. Have fun and bounce.” I sigh, unsure of what to do. I actually do like Benny, but is that just because he’s the first guy to actually pay attention to me in a long while? Self-doubt seeps in, my ex’s hurtful words and actions taking away the blissful feeling I’d had moments before. I shake my head, telling myself that if any of it was true, I wouldn’t be in a gorgeous man’s bed, a man who just spent the last few hours pulling every spark of pleasure possible from me.
I quietly stand, gathering up my clothes. I get them on and lace up my boots, trying not to wake Benny. It’s better if I leave before he wakes up. Rebounds don’t work out anyway, so why prolong the inevitable?
I turn to head towards the door and see the hotel pad of paper and pen next to the phone on the dresser. I stare at it a moment before grabbing the pen, scrawling a quick “Thank You” with a heart at the end. I slide it under his keys and walk to the door, glancing back at the sleeping form of Benny, the man who just restored my confidence. I close it quietly behind me, making sure the lock clicks into place and request an Uber to take me home.
—----
Over the next few weeks, I try to get Benny out of my head. I try to stop thinking about him or talking about him. I know he’s a rebound, and those relationships don’t work out, as Sage has reminded me more than once. And I’m not sure I’m ready for a new relationship. I think. But talking to him had been so easy, effortless. Like we had been friends since forever. In a moment of desperation, I looked up the hotel on my Uber app and called it, knowing they wouldn’t give me any information about Benny. I can’t blame them. I don’t even know his last name.
—----
2 lines. The pink lines emerge bright against the white of the testing stick, showing me the same result as the other 4 pregnancy tests I’d taken. My stomach lurches again and I make it to the toilet just in time. I close the lid and flush, wiping my mouth with a washcloth as I stare at my reflection. How the fuck did this happen? We’d used a condom every time, and he used them correctly. It must have been a faulty condom. Fuck, Benny. How am I going to tell him? No really, how? I don’t even know his last name and now I’m having his child. A knock at the door pulls me from my spiral.
“Rea?”
I sniff and wipe my face again. “Pregnant.”
She’s silent for just a beat. “Can I come in?”
I make a noise in approval and she opens the door, heads directly for me and pulls me into a hug where I let myself lose it. Tears streaming down my face, dry heaving breaths, all of it. It takes me a while to calm down enough to talk. Sage wipes my face with a cool cloth and it helps to soothe me a bit more.
“Are you going to tell him?”
I scoff. “How, Sage?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Call the hotel? They have to have his info.”
I shake my head. “They won’t give it to me. Especially since I don’t know his last name.”
Sage cocks her head to the side. “How do you know?”
“Oh. I uh, I may have called a few weeks ago to uh try and uh…find. Him.”
She opens her mouth and then closes it. “That doesn’t really matter now. Do you know what you want to do?”
There’s so much I don’t know. I don’t know Benny’s last name. I don’t know where he lives, just that it’s local. I don’t know what he’d even say. I don’t know how this happened. I don’t know a lot. But there’s one thing that I did know right away.
“I’m keeping the baby.”
Sage takes a deep breath and nods once. “I can’t wait to be an auntie.”
—----
“Come on, Rea! You need to get out.”
I sigh, rubbing the side of my belly. “I’m 6 months pregnant, Sage. I don’t belong at an MMA fight.”
Sage copies my sigh and places her hand over mine. “You’ve been cooped up in your room for weeks. Just…come out to get some fresh air?”
“By sitting in a crowded auditorium surrounded by drunks?”
Sage shrugs. “I’m sure they won’t be drunk drunk. Besides, Henry has a special section all roped off just for us.”
Henry is super sweet. The burly bear sized, flannel clad man from Mick’s had fit right into our friendship, even becoming a sort of surrogate brother for me. And it’s clear to me that he loves Sage with everything he is just by the way he looks at her.
I sigh again, shrugging in a defeated manner. Sage squeals and grips my arm. “Thank you! Oh, you’ll have fun! Just wait and see!”
So now I find myself in a crowded auditorium, surrounded by people drinking. Well, ok the crowd isn’t bad around us. Sage was right - Henry had literally roped off an entire section just for us and glared at anyone who tried to grumble about it. He was really into MMA and had a couple of cousins that were fighting so he always had tickets to some match that was happening. Are they called matches? I don’t know.
Whatever they’re called, we’re a few in, Henry leaning over to tell us about each of the fighters as they’re announced. These matches are pretty brutal - I didn’t realize just how violent they can get, even with rules in place. The last match ends and the guy with the mop comes back out, cleaning away the blood that came from the last guy losing several teeth with a blow. Once cleaned, the microphone squeaks back on to announce the next fighters.
“From Red Feather Lakes, Colorado, standing 6’3, weighing in at 195 pounds, I give you BEN MILLER!”
A familiar memory scratches at the back of my head as the crowd screams and the doors open from the locker rooms somewhere in the throngs of people now on their feet. Henry leans in to yell in my ear.
“This guy is great! He’s kicked my cousin’s asses a few times! He…”
Whatever he said after fades into the background, which has dimmed to a loud hum, as Ben Miller struts into the ring, tossing his shirt to the side, revealing a very familiar tattoo and his face finally comes into my view.
Benny.
My stomach leaps into my throat, my heart hammering through my chest as I stare down at the man who I could never shake from my mind, even before I was having his child. Which he doesn’t know about.
A bell dings and Benny takes a few steps towards his opponent, who immediately clocks him in his jaw, Benny’s head flying backwards. The man manages to get a couple more hits in, Benny almost absorbing all of the hits. But then the man hesitates and Benny takes that moment to attack, winding his way around the ring, jabbing at his opponent in swift, concise, planned motions. The man only stays up for a few more seconds before crumbling to the ground and giving in. The crowd goes wild as the ref holds Benny’s arm in the air, blood trickling down from his nose, a giant smile on his face. My stomach lurches and I quickly stand, yelling something about the bathroom to Sage as I grab my jacket and run for the doors, the room suddenly too small and loud. I shove open the arena’s double doors and stumble out into the nearly empty hallway. The doors close behind me and I pause a moment, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself. But then the doors open behind me again and I attempt to stand up right.
“Rea?”
Benny’s voice echoes down the hallway and through me, my insides simultaneously tightening with nerves but also excited and swooning at his fucking calming tone. My back is to him but I don’t move. He takes a step closer.
“Rea? Is that you?”
Fuck. This isn’t how I would want him to find out. But how would he find out? It’s not like I could find him. I didn’t even know his last name. I don’t-
“Are you ok?”
His voice is closer now, only a few steps behind me. I swallow hard, willing myself to hold it together as I turn to face him, keeping my jacket covering my belly. His bright blue eyes immediately find mine, a smile quicking spreading across his beautiful face. He’s still shirtless and I have to focus to keep my eyes on his face.
“Rea! It is you! I thought I saw your face in the crowd! Did you see me fight?”
I manage a small smile. “Y-yeah. I did. Congrats.”
He shrugs. “Thanks. That guy was easy but when I saw you, I thought maybe he’d hit my head harder than I thought. What…I mean uh, how are you?”
I sigh, my small smile dropping. “I…I have to tell you something.”
His expression turns serious. “Ok. But if it’s about me not calling you, you sort of left me without a last name or number.” He chuckles but stops when I don’t react.
I hold his gaze a moment longer before letting my jacket fall to the side, exposing my belly under my form fitting black dress. His eyes immediately fall to my belly, his head turning to the side as he takes it in. I can see the moment it clicks, only a second or 2 after I moved my jacket, his eyes widening as his brain works double time to do the math. He points to himself.
“Is that…am I…the dad?”
I nod, rubbing my hand along the side of my belly where the baby is currently moving. “Yes.” I wait for the yell or scoff of disbelief, storming off, telling me I won’t get anything. All of what I had anticipated. But when I look up at him I see tears shining in his bright blues.
“You’re not fuckin’ with me?” His eyebrows pinch together, enhancing the shine from his tears and I shake my head.
“No. You’re the only one I’ve been with since my ex.”
His eyes shift down to my belly again and his hands start to reach out, but then he stops, looking back up at me. “May I?”
I give him a small smile and nod. “Yeah.”
Benny drops to his knees in front of me, placing each of his large hands on either side of my belly, rubbing small circles into my skin. I take his hand and move it, placing it right over where I’d just felt movement.
“He was just kicking over here.”
His eyes shoot up to mine. “A boy? I’m gonna have a son?”
Fuck how can his eyebrows do that? “Yeah. A son.”
And the tears start to fall, quietly streaking down his cheeks as he laughs, trying to dab at them with the hand I hadn’t just moved. “Hey, little man. It’s me. Your dad.” A hard kick lands right in Benny’s hand and he whoops, rubbing the spot with his thumb. “You got your old man’s feet!” He continues to talk to my belly in the middle of the hallway, not caring if anyone sees him. His face is animated and lit up, despite the dried blood caked under his nose and for a second, I can see an entire future laid out before us. A wedding, a house, dancing together, maybe more kids. The love. It’s only when I snap out of this fairytale vision that I realize I was smoothing back his hair. I yank my hands back and drop them to my sides.
“Shit I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
He glances up at me. “Nah it’s ok. Actually, it felt good.” He watches me for a moment before his expression hardens. “Ok I need to get off this floor.”
He waves away my offer of a helping hand, gesturing towards my belly as he groans, standing to his full height before stretching out his legs. “I’m gettin’ too old to be kneeling on hard ass floors.”
We’re quiet for several moments, each of us just watching the other.
“Why did you leave without sayin’ anything?”
I take a deep breath. “Benny, I…I’m sorry. I thought about you after that night. A lot. My friend had told me to just make it a rebound, to get my ex out of my head. Which it did, but what I didn’t expect was..well..you. I liked, well…like you a lot. You make me laugh, have some amazing stories, you’re funny, and hot as hell. But you also make me feel seen and heard. Like I wasn’t just there for convenience, which is ironic considering how we met, I realize that. I thought about trying to find you but the hotel wouldn’t tell me anything and I didn’t have anything to go by. And then I found out I was pregnant and I feel so guilty for not t- telling y- you, but I di-didn’t know h-how. I’m so s-s-sorry!” I can’t fight the pregnancy hormones anymore and the tears come, streaming down my face as I try to turn away, looking down and wiping furiously at my face. But then he’s there, pulling me towards him as best he can, his hand cradling the back of my head.
“Hey, it’s ok. I never did tell you my last name or ask for your number neither. I could’ve but I didn’t.” My crying slows and he pulls back just enough to look down at me, wiping away a tear. “And I’ve regretted it ever since. I haven’t stopped thinkin’ about you either, Rea. But I really had no way of finding you. But now that we’ve found each other again, can I have your number? I’d really like to take you to dinner.”
I let out a shaky chuckle. “It’s ok, Benny. You don’t have to do that.”
He cocks his head. “Do…what?”
“Take me to dinner. Listen, you can be as involved as you want. I won’t hold you to anything. I just wanted you to know. But you don’t have to-”
“No. I’m not asking you out because you’re pregnant. I’m asking you out because I’ve wanted to for months and regretted it every day that I didn’t.”
“Benny, really. It’s ok.”
“No, I- will you wait right here a moment?”
I nod and he places his hand on my belly once more, his son giving him another thump before he practically runs back through the double doors. Once they close, I walk over to the wall and lean my back against it, my emotions running through me. Is he telling the truth? Were we both just fucking idiots? That’s an obvious yes. But still, I don’t want him to feel like he owes me. It would be nice to hang with him again, though. No, Rea. Don’t make him feel forced. The double doors fly open and Benny comes running up to me, his wallet in his hand.
“I don’t need money, Ben-”
He shakes his head. “No. Well I mean if you need it, I’ll gladly give it but that’s not…here.” He slides out a small slip of paper from behind his driver’s license and unfolds it, handing it to me.
It’s the thank you note I scribbled to him and left in the hotel.
Tears well in my eyes again. “You..you kept this?”
His eyes sparkle as they look at me. “Hell yeah I did. I told you, I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about you. But I had no way of findin’ you. I went to the bar every night hoping to see you walk in. But I never did.”
“I got too busy with work and then..” I gesture down to my belly and he laughs, placing a hand on my stomach again.
“Yeah I can’t blame you for not wanting to be in a bar. Especially your first trimester.”
My eyebrows raise. “What do you know about trimesters?”
“My sister was a hot fuckin’ mess during hers. Sick all the time, emotional, all of it. She felt bad about it too no matter how much we told her not to worry. My niece is 5 now and has the attitude to match.” He chuckles. “I can’t wait to meet this little guy..my little guy. Ours? Fuck this is hard to say.”
“Either way, I’m just glad you can say it.” I clutch the paper in my hand for a moment before handing it back to him.
“So when’s that dinner?”
We’re married a year later.
---------------------------------
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Historical Inaccuracies Of My Main Fandom and Favorite Movie, Crimson Peak
The costumes are EVERYTHING. That being said...Edith's daywear is a lot more 1895 than 1901. It's an amazing 1895! Truly glorious 1895! But it IS a bit behind, time-wise.
Especially for a woman, wearing clothing that was about 20 years out of date if you needed people to think you Respectable was just. Not done. It didn't have to be absolutely cutting-edge, but it had to be reasonably current in silhouette to not stand out in a bad way. Sorry, Lucille- I like Natural Form better than 1895 OR 1901, too.
The age of majority in the UK in the 19th century was 21, not 18. This wouldn't matter much EXCEPT THAT. If you look at the dates on various onscreen documents, the timeline works only if Thomas rescued Lucille from the asylum when he was 18. And would not have legally been able to do that.
Not mentioning the 1901 World's Fair in Buffalo isn't exactly wrong but considering the President of the United States got assassinated there...it's just a bit of an odd omission.
At the depot, Edith is shown wearing her skirt and petticoat over what looks like the top part of a chemise or combinations. Her skirts shouldn't fit properly without a corset on; even if she's not tightlacing (as most women didn't), the change in fat distribution and the fat that bodices and waistbands tended to be as tight as possible against one's corset means that this just wouldn't work. I'm not sure how it DID work given that both lead actresses were wearing corsets for the filming, actually...
This is a note for the character bios not the movie proper, but GDT mentions Carter's father fighting in the American Civil War. If Carter is 60 in 1901, he was born in 1841 and therefore more than old enough to fight himself. (Interestingly, that makes him 36 when Edith was born, and assuming he met Eleanor after the war and she was 18 when they eloped, as the bios state, he must be at least six years her senior- clearly Edith was following a family pattern in marrying a man 10 years older than her). Of course, the ages and years in the bios are all over the place anyway- that one just particularly stood out to me.
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Imo the League of Villains should have never existed from the main story of MHA. They were utterly unbalanced and were so flawed that no attempt of fixing could fix them.
I get where your coming from. I
I honestly believe the LOV really needed was time to grow away from the spotlight.
Think of the LOV as leftover pizza (I know, just stick with me for a minute)
Too long in the microwave/oven/pan and it tastes like hardback, too little and it becomes soggy muddled. There's a very specific way you need to do things and that's by not overthinking it.
Hori kept the microwave on too long and the LOV's potential evaporated.
From what I can tell, MHA worked best when it had a 'Villain of the week's type of thing going on.
This was most prominent and best set up with Stain, Stain's character/arc not only expanded the world of MHA but also brought up deeper questions about Hero society
What's most important here is that Stain didn't overstay his welcome. He rolled in, made every panel count and then went out like a champ. Affecting the protagonist and those around him.
He had an impact that's felt throughout the rest of the series (There is no Internship Arc in Ba Sing Se) not inspite of his short lived presence but because of it.
At some point, Hori lost this concept and the plot went with it.
I think the main problem with the LOV started after Kamino. Before this, every member has solid, or at least tangible ideals.
The Vanguard Action Squad was the LOV at it's most raw, not perfect but functional. They felt like people, when Spinner stops Magne from pursuing Midoriya, it feels real for the world.
Simply put the LOV (much like 1A) worked best as individuals, differing worldviews and all.
So when Hori robbed the LOV of their autonomy by practically wrangling them to Shigaraki, it in turn killed the LOV, because now nothing was individual about them.
If you want an example, how about Magne's death. Her last words are the very last time anyone in the LOV asserts any belief besides Shigaraki's own.
After this the LOV barely give any resistance to Shigaraki's plans no matter how short sighted or convoluted.
Kurogiri is outright sacrificed by the narrative so that Shigaraki finally has to step up.
Shigaraki's reaction to Toga's rage and grief follwing Magne's death can be amounted to: "Trust me bro, we're doing this for us bro, please believe me bro."
It's absurd.
As for being flawed, I'll assume you mean their motives.
What needs to be understood is that the LOV (Pre Kamino) and the PLF (Post Kamino) are not the same characters
Flanderisation is the phenomenon of a characters worst traits being exacerbated over a period of time until said character is unrecognizable from their original self.
This is what Hori did the LOV and he did this intentionally.
At some point he realized that the Villains actually had more of a point than the heroes, this likely occured after the MVA arc when fans began rooting for the LOV.
To counter this Hori sabotaged multiple characters and plots in a desperate attempt to justify his woolies and unfortunately for everyone who's isn't an abuser-stan (Enji and Bakuo). The rest of the cast and world suffered greatly.
What you ended up with are characters so detached from their origins that they might as well not even be the same characters at all.
There's an image somewhere that encapsulates this perfectly, it's a 4 panel comic with two stick figures (one black and one blue). If I ever find it or someone links it I'll be sure to upload it here
#mha critical#bnha critical#hero society critical#lov#anti endeavor#anti bakugou#anti mha ending#anti bakugo katsuki
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[Warning: Long Reblog. Skip to the end for the TLDR if you want.]
Ok, I'll come back! Oh, what's this? A fey curse? Well, that has plenty potential to be traumatizing, but it could just be something silly that won't do much. (Still a fun and neat tool.) Sometimes you need to have something a bit more... personal.
Now I don't know why you'd want me to come back. Maybe you were wondering what I meant. Well I'll tell you. D&D is a collaborative story telling game, as you would already know. And what's a story without interesting characters? While simple ones are all well and good, they can only take you so far, especially if they are a main character. (Jovi) So what can a DM, the narrator, do? Well, they dig into the character of course! Looking at every little detail to find that one nail that sticks out.
For example! Lets take a look at her pervious occupation, a student at Maid School. Now why would a promising budding maid ever leave to go adventuring? If her family could afforded school, she most likely came from a lineage of high class servants, meaning that there masters are well off. Was there a conspiracy against her family or the house they serve? What kind of conspiracy? (Poison perhaps? Or maybe the master of the house was disloyal a long time ago, and had a tryst with the head maid.) Would she know of it, if it existed, or was she sent off without the truth? Is the family that raised her still alive?
That sort of thing one has to think about when it comes to complicating an uncomplicated character. When nothing presents itself, sometimes you have to be a bit creative. I hope this helps!
TLDR: In order to properly traumatize this sweet maid, make her a secret bastard between her mom and the leading noble. This way, there is a good reason why her family allowed her to go adventuring instead of having her stay safe in the estate, at least till any possible heat dies down. ~Have Fun.~
Ah! Jovi looks like such a sweet heart! I can't wait to hear news on how she gets traumatized! (It's D&D, it will happen.) Oh, I wonder how the story will make her a more complicated character as the game goes on. (It's D&D, it will happen.)
Enjoy the simplicity while it last! :)
WHA.... HUH-
WAIT COME BACK-
COME BACK-
Wait... They don't love you like i love you- 👯👯
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-'🫧*.✧ MOUTHWASHING ✧.*🫧' -
P5
“How could we end up here…?”
Daisuke x implied F!Reader
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Written By: DeathByDay
(Also written on Mobile)
2 MONTHS AFTER THE CRASH
(continued)
You stared in shock at the sight in front of you. Jimmy had opened one of the shipping boxes, hoping for something useful. You were all disappointed after he flipped the flaps to reveal mouthwash.
“It’s.. this is..” Jimmy muttered softly, at a loss for words. “Mouthwash?” Anya finished for him, her voice squeaky, sounding like she was about to cry. “Is this the only thing in here?” You whispered through the tense air, let down by what the boxes contained.
“Un-fucking-believable.” Swansea murmured, ignoring your question. You couldn’t blame him though. You probably would’ve ignored yourself as well, due to the shock. “There’s gotta be an ocean of the stuff in here! This room looks freaking endless!” Daisuke exclaimed, waving his arms around.
“This is what they’d have six people hauling for over a year?” Jimmy asked. Daisuke and Swansea looked up towards him while you and Anya continued staring down at the liquid. “All of this.. for mouthwash?!” He shouted, getting frustrated.
“The sugar content probably offsets any potential as a disinfectant.” Anya said, looking at the back of the bottle. “Disinfectant? What are you.. let me see that!” Swansea snatched the item out of her hand, taking a look at it himself.
He stayed silent for a moment, taking his time to read it. “14% Ethanol!” He laughed, causing Daisuke to turn to him and chuckle awkwardly. “I suppose we’ll smell good at least?” He tilted his head in confusion, not understanding why the older male was grinning.
“That’s right, kiddo! You can bet your ass on that.” The older man nodded, a smirk replacing his usual frown. “W-What are you doing?!” Anya worriedly asked, hands shaking. “Stop that!” She demanded.
Swansea took the cap off the bottle before drinking the mouthwash, causing you to softly gasp. “Whew! Ohh.. shut up. I’m just an old codger taking care of his dental hygiene.” He excused. You press your lips together, brows creasing.
“You hear that? That’s the sound of 15 years of sobriety popping like a cyst. A glorious, magnificent, red hot cyst!” Swansea shouted before cheering for Captain Curly, pumping the mouthwash into the air.
“Doesn’t that burn your throat?” You asked him, eyes squinting. He chuckled before nodding slowly, already feeling the kick of the blue liquid. “Guess anyone could get seriously blasted off of this stuff.” Daisuke muttered, staring at Swansea.
“Yeah, and kill you in the process.” Jimmy added. You kept your hand on your forearm, feeling nothing but concern for the drunken man by you. You looked towards Jimmy, your face filled with curiosity.
“Could it really kill someone? Just from drinking mouthwash?” Your brows furrowed. Jimmy nodded. “Yeah, it could.” He confirmed.
“This can’t be real.. I-.. there’s no way.” Anya held her face in the palm of her hands, voice muffled by them. “Now we can go out in style!” Swansea joked before turning his head towards the boy beside you.
“Daisuke..” He sang. “Come here! Anyone ever teach you how to drink like a man?” He asked, raising the mouthwash from his hand, handing it towards the young brunette.
You couldn’t help but watch, knowing that if you tried to do anything, you’d just be labeled as a “loser” or a “party pooper” by Swansea. So, you stayed silent, not trying anything to ruin their small bonding time.
————
6 DAYS BEFORE THE CRASH
You, Swansea, Jimmy, Daisuke and Anya stood in front of the main lounge door, waiting for the captain to arrive and be surprised. You all had on party hats, yours being yellow with red spots around it.
A smile was plastered on your face, excited to do your first surprise-birthday. Swansea had informed you that every year, they do these surprises for one person per trip. You were quickly on board, happy to help set everything up.
Suddenly, the automatic door opened, revealing the blonde. The five of you started clapping as he stepped through the door. “Surprise!” Jimmy chuckled as everyone calmed down.
“Suuurpriiusee!” Daisuke shouted, a dorky grin running along his mouth. “Look at your face!” He exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air, almost smacking you in the face. “Gotcha!” Anya chuckled, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Did we get you?” You asked, tilting your head as you held your hands behind your back. Curly’s face already answered your question. “Cheers.” Swansea mutters behind you, his hands on his hips.
“Wow..” Curly murmured. “What’s the.. uh.. occasion?” He asked, his facial expression still slightly shocked. “We only get one communal birthday party per trip, right? So we can have it whenever.” Anya explained, a small smile glazing her lips.
“Only one person can really be surprise birthday’ed per trip. We did Swansea last hall, remember?” Jimmy reminded, causing Daisuke to turn towards him, his mouth open in disbelief.
“No way. I can’t believe I missed that!” He pouted as Jimmy ignored him. “You were next on the list. So, congratulations.” He continued.
“Hate to say it though, your duties have to extend to even your own birthday party.” He hesitated, chuckling. On the fridge, there’s a recipe notebook for food and beverages. Sadly enough, the cake in the book has a code to make it. And the only one who has the code scanner is the captain.
“You’re the only one with clearance to make the cake.” Anya disappointingly said, her voice soft before raising again. “The recipe is there by the machine. Hop to it, captain!” She smiled.
Curly chuckled lowly before stepping to the side and walking towards the fridge. Grabbing the code scanner, he flipped to the page the code was on before scanning it.
2341
He quickly memorized it and stepped over to the food dispenser, sweetener in hand. He set it in the machine, pushing the buttons. After a few quick seconds, it was done. He grabbed it from the dispenser before rushing to finish it, placing it in the machine and making the cake.
After only a short while, he was done. The five of you quickly sat down, ready to eat. Curly grabbed the cake and walked to the table, setting it down in the middle of you all. He then sat on the end of the table, Jimmy across from him.
“You gotta make a speech.” Daisuke started, getting hyper once again. “Speech, speech, speech!” He chanted, pumping his fists into the air. You chuckled at his actions, your mouth watering at the sight of the cake in front of you. “Go on!” Anya encouraged. Curly hesitated for a moment, causing Jimmy to interfere.
“Hey.. what’s wrong?” He asked, his brows furrowing. Curly sighed before explaining that Pony Express finally shut down, and that this would be the crews final mission together. You glanced at him, brows creasing as you felt your heartbeat get faster.
“We’ll still be paid, right? They can’t just.. send us into space and expect us not to get a paycheck, can they?” You muttered, feeing your leg bounce with anxiety.
Curly turned his head towards you, confidently nodding. “Of course. We will receive the paycheck for this delivery. I don’t know anymore than that.” He stated.
“Pony Express finally kicking the bucket, huh?” Swansea mumbled. “What a joke. And we’re the punchline.” Anya felt tears in her eyes and didn’t try to keep them in. She placed her hand to her mouth, voice muffled. “I don’t have any savings. The can’t do this.. there’s no way!” She sniffled.
“Pony Express was one of the last manned crew freighter companies. The writings been on the wall for a long time.” Swansea explained before Jimmy started getting upset, surprising nobody. “When did they tell you?” He demanded, his voice low.
“Earlier this week. I was instructed to wait until we’re closer to the haul destination, but I can’t keep something like this from you all.” Curly didn’t hesitate to reply, remaining calm as he spoke. You couldn’t say the same for Jimmy, though.
“So I guess you got what you wanted. Without the guilt.” He whispered, almost growling. “Jim.. if I had known-..” The captain gets cut off as the brunette continued. You watched carefully between the two men, not wanting it to escalate.
Suddenly, Jimmy went around the table, exposing everyone’s struggles. “Anya never got into medical school because she’s, well, let’s be real.” He trailed off before turning to Swansea. “And how many employment years Swansea got left in him?” He asked.
“Y/N’s only in this because they need the money for a new place to stay, so they’re screwed.” You glanced down at your empty plate, feeling tears prick out of the corner of your eyes. “Daisuke will be fine, mommy and daddy have him covered, so there’s that at least.”
Jimmy then stared at Curly, his eyes filled with hatred. “But you.. headed for bigger and better, right?” He asked. “I’m just.. I’m just working on my life being a place I don’t have to fucking escape!” He shouted, losing his patience. “That’s what I was trying to tell you, nothing m-..” Jimmy cut him off by slamming his hands down on the table.
“We’re the ones you’re trying to escape!” He yelled back, motioning to the five of you. “Leave the dirt behind now that your boots are clean.” You bit back a sob, not wanting them to yell anymore. You swallowed before breathing out through your mouth, your breath shaking with fear.
Daisuke seemed to have noticed because he took his eyes off of the two men arguing and glanced at you, eyes filled with worry. He placed his hand on your head before guiding you to lay down on his shoulder. The two of you stayed silent, letting them fight it out. “Let’s have some fucking cake, hm?” Jimmy muttered, leaning back into his chair and crossing his arms.
“Props to the twilight cruise of the Tulpar. Props to our captain and his new prospects.” He sarcastically said, sounding like he was about to lash out once again. Curly silently grabbed the knife and cut the first slice.
————
2 MONTHS AFTER THE CRASH
You laid beside Daisuke in your own medical sleeping bag, holding his hand. Your makeshift beds were placed next to each other, leaving no space between the two of you. Jimmy was next to you two as well, his sleeping bag not too far away.
It made you a little uneasy knowing that he’d be sleeping next to you, but it calmed you down when Daisuke offered to put his bed next to yours.
Your eyes were closed, but you weren’t asleep like he was. You heard Jimmy grumble and stand up before walking out of the lounge area. You shuffled a little and opened your eyes, scooting closer to Daisuke. You kept his hand in yours as you stared at his features.
You yawn, a strange croaking sound coming from your mouth. You chuckle silently to yourself, making sure to keep quiet for your boyfriend lying beside you. You made a risky decision to touch him, trailing your fingers against his cheek.
You felt as if you’ve fallen in love all over again. His peaceful face still filled with energy, his brunette hair as dark as caramel. You didn’t understand how he could ever pick someone like you to be his partner.
Suddenly, he stirred in his sleep, causing you to softly gasp. You take your hand away in fear of him awakening. As you did so, he frowned. He shifted closer to you, his eyes still shut as he wrapped his arms around your torso, his face smushed into your neck, breathing in your scent.
You gently embraced him, your lips to his forehead. Your lips kiss his temple before settling down. You felt your eyelids become heavy, feeling at peace. You didn’t fight it, making you fall asleep tangled in his arms, his in yours.
Just before you fell into a deep slumber, you heard the lounge door open once again. You felt eyes on the back of your head, and you couldn’t help but glance behind you. There stood Jimmy, a grim expression written on his face.
You didn’t say anything and lowered your head onto the thin pillow once again, supporting Daisuke’s head by resting your hand on his hair. You finally reached the edge of slumber, your body going limp as soft snores come from your mouth.
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authors note
suddenly feeling the urge to just kill off reader for angst.. yeahh I won’t though😭😭 I couldn’t do that to yall <33 (maybe someday.. but not now 🫶🏻)
anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!! part 6 will be up soon<3
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#indie games#mouthwashing x reader#daisuke mouthwashing#horror games#video games#x reader#writers on tumblr#daisuke x reader mouthwashing
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This quote made me think, how do you think tastes and styles of cooking differ between the tribes? Each party member has their own style of food, but Eupha and maybe Heismay are the main ones who we could extrapolate things about their culture from.
I think that paripus food definitely uses the most spices. Rhoag food uses the least
oh im so glad at least one person asks me this i've been thinking like. too much about tribe culinary profiles lately
so to start a while ago i tried to group all the principalities into their climates and ecosystems right. aside from the fact roussainte are fuckin everywhere from what we know:
oceana has a healthy fishing business and is mostly woodland, through they have a small stretch of arid land from central euchronia
central euchronia is high in desert and (presumably) arid soils, though for the purpose of sustaining grand trad let's say that south euchronia contains fertile wetland
montario is extremely mountainous and cold BUT it also has that patch of thick forest though a lot of the fauna there are like. venomous and spit fire
virga island
so when i think about the food part of their cultures i tried to keep in mind where a majority of the tribes seem to be located and how that would have impacted their culinary development, assuming that the population has been relatively consistent since the annex war. there's also their individual values to consider (VERY LONG UNDER CUT)
clemar are like, white brits, so i think assuming they have similar food to irl england is a good starting place. thanks to central euchronia having the desert climate it does however i think mostly in oceana do they have fish as part of their meals and in grand trad its mostly a delicacy. a lot of local dishes that are made up of what can be found lying around, nothing too complex, but due to the nature of where grand trad Is i think they lack a lot of real "desserts" that aren't considered a luxury (sugar is expensive)
roussaintes NEED high protein meals to sustain the amount of physical work they do, so i think meat and leafy green vegetables are a staple in most dishes. lentils, tofu (soybeans are actually really protein dense), nuts, the like. roussainte in montario probably have a lot of spice in their meals for cold weather but to also manage their appetite during military work.
rhoag are a tricky case but hear me out: i feel like a lot of their food takes after other tribes due to how long they live. it's probably customary for a rhoag to wander around a lot in all the time they have to live, so a lot of what they cook ends up influenced by all the other tribes in different ways. as for methods i imagine that they focus on recipes that don't require much physical labor (spending most of your long life in your geriatric stage probably isn't great), so a lot of soups, pan fried stuff, grilling, etc. is probably shared around.
ishkia are almost 100% spice fiends, if you're like me and assume they have bird-like traits in a lot of places they probably have much higher spice tolerance than most other tribes, in addition to their climate requiring warmer meals. a lot of farmwork is probably done down in the lush forest area because mountain farming is historically a bitch and a lot of Brain Food can't be grown in the cold. heavy "brain food" presence in casual meals (fatty fish, coffee, collard greens). a lot of roots, mushrooms, and foragables that grow in cold climates (snowpeas, watercress, acorn, etc) at high altitudes are common, though this sounds horrible bc you cant really Get them anywhere else in euchronia.
nidia because of the Everything read to me as having a high dependence on magla-rich food and stuff that grows low to the ground. a lot of root vegetables (carrots, potatoes, turnips) and berries (straw, blue, the likes) that can be infused during the growing process. lot of emphasis on eye health on that note (leafy greens, citrus, probably raise a lot of chickens for eggs in their villages). theyre very fae folk inspired to me so i imagine a lot of their delicacies are an important part of their culture (muffins, candied flowers, tarts, yknow)
paripus probably take a lot after recession foods given their status and wide-spreadedness, a lot of cheap options like rice, beans, grains, fruits and meat dried. however i also see them as having a large amount of "leftovers" or "community" foods yknow? stuff like hunters stew or bread pudding or salads, generally stuff you can make with what's left over after a big meal and you can share with other people. i think they probably have a lot of "loose" recipes with easy replacements or things you can swap out if you don't have them.
eugief society is analogous to japanese culture if you look at the architectural styles of heismay's village and his clothing so they probably have a lot that's taken from there haha. fish, savory foods, big on spices and they probably invented some form of oil frying. i imagine that the area between oceana and euchronia is heavy in rice production due to the hot and humid climate, on that note
mustari are very analogous to southeast asian/pacific islander culture! lot of rice, game, seafood, emphasis on pairing sweet with salty or savory. i imagine a lot of steamed or roasted foods. mustari that came to the capital or montario probably ended up having to mix traditional styles with the ones present there, esp due to the lack of ingredients that were only capable of being found on the archipelago (side note: here's a nice article about this stuff that i found interesting)
as for elda theyre like. they remember shit from the old world. i know this probably just means they understand how to cook meat the best and get how to properly process certain foods with what cooking material but what if will came out and showed people how to make french fries. imagine
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Hey light! I've had this scenario floating around my brain I thought I'd share. So Joker was having a really rough week and his mood swings were horrendous. Plans he'd spent weeks on were ruined and didn't go well at all. His henchmen were more annoying and tiresome than usual. One day he breaks down, curls up in bed, and has a good cry, thinking he was home alone. Y/n comes home and catches him but decides not to let him see her because it would embarrass him and make him feel way worse. She just watches in silence from afar.
This is probably wayyy out of character but I love it when J gets to show emotion poor guy 🥺
His Lighthouse: Mood Swings (LedgerJoker x f!reader)
Mood Swings - Oneshot
KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER UPDATE!
Hey hi anon!! 🖤✨
I haven’t been called Light in a while, almost forgot that's me lol 😭😭This ask is definitely wayyyyy out of character however have no fear, Chaos is here! I can always make something work. Here's something short and sweet treat to munch on while I work on the chapter updates! I hope you enjoy anon!
If you wish to be a part of the His Lighthouse taglist, (or His Angel) do let me know via comment, ask, or a quick direct message! 🖤✨
Nothing was going as he planned. It was one thing after another.
The plans he spent ages on perfecting were ruined, tensions were at an all time high, and to make matters worse, his goons were screwing up left and right.
Normally Joker would have killed any signs of weakness, but he couldn’t get rid of his entire payroll. How was it possible that everyone was annoying? Even Frost wasn’t off the hook. At least he had the decency to acknowledge his mistakes and apologize.
No one else did and that irked J even more. Either everyone was an idiot, or the universe had it out for him.
Honestly, it could be both. It was turning out to be a really rough week with no end in sight.
There was some hope when a revised plan was going well; however, it was quickly ruined by none other than Batman. Joker could not get ahead. He was this close to pulling his hair.
He had to get away before his demons started airing the place out.
The whispers were getting louder and louder. ‘Stab him, strangle them...’ and his fingers itched to obey.. until he saw your disapproving face appear in his mind.
His Light would be devastated to find out his no killing streak reverted back to zero. He was doing so well too!
For your sake, Joker managed to curb his urges, but after one of his goons screwed up and almost leaked the main hideout’s location online, enough was enough.
Joker could not handle anymore. He forcibly removed himself from the situation with a clear destination in mind: your penthouse. He sought out your peaceful bubble, perhaps you could turn his bad mood back around. Joker had to get away before he did who knows what.
And just Joker’s luck, his misfortunes followed him home. He was convinced he was cursed because this week was officially the worst.
He struggled to open your front door (of all days the key would get stuck and that was after dropping them) he felt like a raging bull. Joker saw red and he needed an outlet to purge this negative energy into. He wouldn’t dare place it on you.
No, he needed to be alone to sort this out. He felt a headache building and strangely enough, his eyes were tingling. Joker refused to believe he was going to cry.
No matter how horrendous his week was, Joker was not a crier. He refused to be weak in front of anyone and that included you.
That thought made him pause in the foyer. Where were you anyways?
He called out your name—only for silence to echo back. Of all the days you weren’t home.
J didn’t know if this were a good or a bad thing. He was glad you didn’t see him like this and yet, he kinda wished you were here to educate him on what to do.
You were aptly named his lighthouse for your skills in leading out of the darkness. And right now, it was so dark, Joker couldn’t see the end of the tunnel. His mind was fighting against him and his emotions were getting the better of him. He didn’t feel like himself.
He kicked his shoes off and ran a hand through his green tresses.
Your penthouse was pristine, a big burst of color and steeped with a whimsical flare.
A candle burned safely in a votive nearby and its soothing scent went completely over Joker’s head. He was just too far gone for the little things to calm him down. It would take a herculean effort to get him back sane.. at least back to his normal sane self.
You always demanded cleanliness and order. Everything had a place and right now, Joker felt like he didn’t belong. He considered trashing the place. The thought was too tempting to pass up.
As much as Joker told himself to behave, he stomped his way down the hall, breaking anything his hands could get a hold of.
Once he entered the bedroom, he snatched a pillow off the bed and screamed into it. He remembered you saying once that it was a great way to relieve stress, but he still felt the same afterwards. Did he somehow do it wrong?
His clown makeup was smudged all over the case, and it got his mind thinking. Yelling into a pillow was stupid. He quickly tore it into shreds.
The imported feathers floated in the air, and they provoked his inner desire to destroy more. He knew you would be angry.
Well touch luck, Joker was angry too.
The other pillows suffered the same fate as Joker tore through the room like a tornado.
He would suffer the consequences of his actions later, each tear, every crack, satisfied the demons screaming in his head. A little broken furniture was better than a pile of dead bodies. He hoped you would understand.
His rampage went on until he was out of breath and was slowly coming to his senses.
Sadly, Joker was still as angry as before. Nothing was working! Joker kicked over the decorative ottoman before belly flopping onto the bed.
Surprisingly, it survived his initial rage and despite his better judgement, Joker let out a gut wrenching yell that ended in a rare sob.
Joker thought he was stronger than this. He royally failed for letting his emotions get the better of him. This week really took a toll on him, and he had exhausted every method to calm down. All except one.
Joker was powerless against the sudden wave of sleepiness taking him under after his rare show of emotions.
He clung to the last pillow that smelled of you as you watched on from the doorway.
Your poor clown was hurting.
You weren’t ignorant to the levels of stress Joker was going through this week. His nights were longer, his tolerance weakened to the point he almost snapped at you a few times.
Nothing ever went Joker’s way with the constant perfection he demanded for his criminal heists. He put too many expectations on himself and his goons.
No one was perfect, case in point, you watched helplessly as Joker broke down. You would worry about cleaning up later. Your heart went out to Joker, who was so far removed from human emotions that he didn’t know he was having a meltdown.
He didn’t even notice you coming home, he was so overwhelmed.
He acted like a wounded animal, lashing out while on the verge of tears. Have you ever seen Joker cry before? The details didn’t matter.
You didn't dare to confront him during this rare lapse of character. He would be embarrassed and lash out, thus making things worse.
You wisely waited in the shadows. When Joker was down for the count, you stepped into the bedroom to offer your silent support.
You set your purse down and sighed at the mess Joker left behind before climbing into bed. J flinched in his sleep when you reached out for him but he slowly relaxed when his subconscious realized it was you.
His Light was finally here to help whatever was ailing him.
You cooed softly when Joker tightened his grip on you as his breathing picked up. You didn’t want him waking up.
Right now, he needed all the rest he could get. He was like a toddler all tuckered out after a tantrum. You let him sleep on your chest as you raked your hands through his green tresses.
And when Joker woke up hours later in your arms, you simply smiled at him and wiped the dried tears from his cheeks. “You feeling better, J?”
#ooc joker#soft!joker#ledger joker x reader#heath ledger x reader#heath ledger joker#ledger joker#ledger!joker#heath ledger#heath ledger x black!reader#heath ledger joker x reader#joker fanfiction#ledger joker x black!reader#joker x y/n#joker x reader#joker x you#joker x black!reader#reader insert#heath ledger joker x black!reader#ledger!joker x black!reader#joker fanfic#heath joker#chaos universe#cross posted on ao3#cross posted on wattpad#i hope you enjoy#dinner is served#thanks anon!#thanks for the ask!
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Astronomodome's 2024 US Presidential Election Liveblog
First of all I want to say I have other stuff to work on today so I might not be super up to date with stuff but I'll try my best to give my thoughts as to what's going on.
So first, how do we tell who wins?
In the U.S., the popular vote doesn't decide who wins the presidency. Instead, we use the (much hated) electoral college. Here's a helpful visual.
Every state (and DC) is given at least three electors, usually more based on population (which is why states like California and Texas have so many). There are 538 in total. To win, a candidate needs more than half of these- half of 538 is 269, so a candidate needs at least 270. (Interestingly, it is possible for both candidates to receive exactly 269 electors, in which case the universe corrupts and we all die infinitely the House of Representative chooses who wins, with each state getting one vote.)
The national popular vote may not matter, but the popular votes of each of the states do. Whoever wins the popular vote in each state (except Nebraska and Maine bc they're weird but that's not too important) wins all the electors for that state. It's very all-or-nothing which is why a lot of people don't like it.
This is a map from election forecaster 538, one of many such organizations that use polling and algorithms and election magic or something to predict who is likely to win each state. They have a lot of good graphs and stuff to look at on their site if you want to learn more about the stats of everything. As the key notes, we can see which way each state is expected to vote, as well as a few states highlighted in bold as likely swing states.
Swing states are basically wherever the election is close and the number of electors is high enough to 'swing' the election. Basically, while all the other states are mostly decided based on precedent (though surprises are possible), these states could reasonably go either way. This is why both candidates hold so many rallies in Pennsylvania, for example- it's competitive, and they want to boost their chances of winning those electors by currying favor directly with those voters.
One thing this map doesn't show is what I lovingly refer to as the Bar. It looks like this. I bring it up because if you follow the election news you'll see it. A lot.
The arrows in the middle point to 269.5, the exact midpoint. Whoever reaches that midpoint by filling up the bar wins (the beige in the middle are the tossup states who could go either way).
For example, let's look at 270towin. (the forecast websites love their special numbers.) They have a fun interactive map where you can make the votes go wherever you want to see what would happen.
^ Here's their prediction based on consensus.
^ Here, I changed Florida so it votes blue. Not likely unless I can bribe enough officials to make it so my ballot is the only one that counts (fair and just). We can see that the Bar has shifted, and the blue side has almost reached the arrows. Let's see what happens if we add another blue state. Let's say... Georgia, for example.
Wow! If the states were to vote this way, the Democrats would win, even if all the other undecided states went red. Is it likely? No. But, well, how do we know that?
In short, we don't. But we can guess, and that's what polls are for. There are several different types, but the most important ones for right now are exit polls. They'll start coming out soon, I think. I'm not sure if they have to wait until all the polls close (so people don't see them and decide not to vote or something because of it) but I think they do, at least in some states. Exit polls are conducted right outside of voting locations as voters exit, which makes them more accurate than other polls. They're not free of bias, though, so as always take them with a grain of salt. They're the first indicator we'll have of how it went, but they're not the final numbers.
One ray of hope I want to point out is the currently infamous Selzer Iowa poll (not an exit poll but still relevant). Ann Selzer is a really trusted pollster, known for a long streak of accuracy. She published a poll a day ago that indicated that Harris was beating Trump (!) in Iowa (!!) by 3 points (!!!). Iowa is... not considered a Democratic state; it went for Trump last election by 14 points. So this is really surprising (understatement). And yes, it could mean absolutely nothing... but it certainly shocked a lot of people, including Trump, who tweeted angrily about it.
States count their votes in different ways. Some results will be out within the day, others might take weeks. But usually most states can be 'called' for a candidate before every vote is counted. This is because the leading candidate will have more votes than can be overcome by the other one, even if every vote counted was for them. The important thing is that, as polls close over the next couple hours, they'll be counting. I saw one report that said election officials in Idaho, for example, plan on counting every vote "before they go to bed that night," which I thought was kind of a cute way to put it. Most states will release vote counts in batches or by county, which means that other batches or counties might still be counting as others submit their counts. That last sentence had a lot of 'count' related words in it, huh.
One thing to note about vote counting is that absentee or mail-in ballots often take longer to be received and counted than in-person votes. This can cause a phenomenon called "blue shift"- basically, a lot of mail-in ballots are cast by college students (like me!) or people who live overseas, and those groups tend to vote more Democratic than in-person voters. That means that late in the counting process, totals will often shift more towards the Democratic candidate. Famously, this is how Biden ended up winning Georgia in 2020- initially it was forecasted to remain red, but it inched over slowly as mail-in ballots were received.
So, in short, that's how we figure out who will be president. I'll be keeping track of what happens tonight, but it's very possible we won't know who wins until tomorrow morning or even later. Let's hope for the best :)
#i hope this isn't too rambly lol#i wanted to explain how it all works and why certain information comes out when without being too confusing#2024 presidential election
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sick to my stomach
╰┈➤ synopsis — The sun has long since burnt out, but inside Beomgyu's room, his fever is burning up. Won't an angel come and take care of him?
╰┈➤ pairing —beomgyu x reader (feat. soobin)
╰┈➤ word count — 5.1k
╰┈➤ content warning — sick!fic, vomiting, angst, playful jealousy, pain & suffering
ੈ✩‧₊˚ note ; sorry i lowkey died. here's a fic for your forgiveness 🫶🏻 inspo from that one soogyu incident. ALSO, i think it's ironic that right as i'm finishing writing this i get food poisoning 💀
As the sun sets, so do the shadows on Beomgyu’s face. The colour slowly fading from his flesh. His skin has long lost its warmth. Now, a cold chill takes over his bones. Lips no longer pink, but now pale and bloody. A bad habit of biting down whenever the pain becomes too much.
This stomach bug is slowly killing him.
How did it happen? Was it the winter chill that crept through his window? Tip-toeing through his room, quiet and unassuming. Slow and steady was the sickness. Beomgyu didn’t even notice until he was blinded by the fever. Coughing up a lung as he crawled into bed to retreat. It’s where he’s been resting for hours already. Brain fuzzy and feverish, he barely noticed the sun falling from the sky. The shadows smother his room and replicate his mood. Stuck fading in and out of sleep, he also happens to be unaware of the multiple missed calls lighting up his phone.
The plans he had with you and Soobin are long lost in the back of his mind. This fever has made him forgetful and calling to cancel wasn’t his main focus. He only remembers his previous plans when he hears your voice calling out into the empty house.
“Beomgyu?” You sound so happy, so excited for your plans he has to ruin. Immediately, he’s run over with regret. The very least he could do is not burden you with his sickness. But now you’re wandering up to his room, bound to be disappointed at what you’ll find waiting for you.
“Soobin’s on his way, I think we’ll end up taking his car.” He can hear your footsteps going up the stairs. Getting closer and closer to his quiet room. “Beomgyu?...” The silence is unsettling. You stop for a moment on the stairs, listening intently for any sign that he’s actually alive. Only now do you begin to grow concerned at his lack of response. The silence drags out, each second adds to the anxiety eating away at your stomach. It spirals from there, confused thoughts clutter your mind. It’s so hard to think straight, the worry will only disappear when you see him for yourself. So you continue up the stairs, tentative and unaware of what to expect.
When you open the door to his room, a ray of light streams in from the entrance. It hits Beomgyu in the eyes and he has to blink a few times to readjust. In his hazy vision, he can see the outline of you in the doorway. Is he hallucinating? You look just like an angel. A halo of light illuminates your features. Concern and confusion make-up your expression.
Beomgyu looks like the exact opposite. His eyes are glassy as they gaze up at you. Swollen from sleep, he struggles to open them all the way. In his iris, you can see how sick he really is. The stray tear trails down his face and you reach out to wipe it away. His cheeks are already a rising red colour. They’re warm in your palms and he chases your touch. Your hands, so cold in contrast. It calms his burning fever and he lets his eyes fall shut. For a brief moment, time is frozen. Your touch is like snowflakes on his skin. The words you speak softly like the winter wind. His room has become like heaven. Just his angel and him, and for this small second, he forgets about the pain that plagues him.
While Beomgyu is distracted, you take the time to look over his condition. His body’s temperature is rising; Skin glistening with sweat, the damp sheets, and bangs that stick to his forehead. You brush back the strands of hair and place your palm to his forehead.
“Shit—You’re burning up.” Worry weighs heavy in your chest. It squeezes your heart and stirs up a stomachache. “How long have you been like this?” You ask softly while staring into his eyes. Your hands run through his damp hair, trying to give him some semblance of comfort.
He turns to look up at the ceiling, avoiding your eyes. “A while.” Squeezing his eyes shut, he thinks back to when the fever struck. “I woke up already feeling sick, but I guess it got worse around noon.”
“Why didn’t you call me? I could’ve gotten here earlier.” Your voice is deep with distress. It’s eating at you from the inside out. Slowing chipping away at the cavity in your chest. Sinking in its vampire teeth and filling you with venom.
It’s so out of character to see the usually outgoing guy act so quiet. To see him almost on the edge of tears is startling to say the least. This sickness has stolen his heart and left him to rot.
“You know I hate to see you hurting like this.” You whisper into the room. There’s a touch of vulnerability in your voice. The words are spoken so softly, as if you might cry if you try to talk any louder.
Beomgyu turns to look at you. All his attention on the sound of your concern. “I know. I’m sorry.”
You shake your head, “Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault. But now that I’m here, let me try to help you.” You offer him a small smile. One that says, ‘Anything you need, I’ll be here for you.’
“Do you know your temperature?” You ask.
“No,” he groans, leaning more into your arms. “I didn’t think to check.” His voice is hoarse. Sore from the sickness, he tries to speak softly, almost in a whisper. You have to lean in closer to hear what he says.
“Okay well, I’ll go get the thermometer. I should also call Soobin to tell him you’re sick. Maybe he could even pick up some soup for you.” You say while grabbing your phone from your back pocket. You dial the ten digits and then Soobin’s speaking through the phone.
“Hey, Beomgyu’s sick so we won’t be able to hangout like we planned.” You say while attempting to sit up, but a certain someone stops you. Untangling yourself from Beomgyu and taking away his only source of comfort. He whines when you pull away but you try to ignore it and focus on what Soobin is saying. You cover the phone with your other hand and bring it down to your chest, trying to muffle the conversation.
“I’ll be right back.” You say and start to stand up again. But Beomgyu's sudden grip on your wrist says otherwise.
“No, don’t leave.” He looks up at you through half-lidded eyes. He’s almost on the edge of falling asleep, but the sudden scare of you abandoning him leaves him restless and awake. Alone in this empty room, far away from your warmth and missing your embrace.
“I’m just gonna grab the thermometer. I’ll only be a minute.” You try to reassure him.
He doesn’t appear to be persuaded as his grip only tightens. Soft and slender, he uses his other hand to wrap around your wrist. Tugging at your arm, he tries to get you to stay with him. Using all his strength, he barely even makes you stumble. It worries you how weak he is. Plagued by pain, insomnia, and a rising heat, you can’t help but pity him.
You let out a soft sigh. Your heart truly hurts for him. Reaching out, you run your hands through his hair. A slight distraction to sooth him. Beomgyu closes his eyes at the feeling, slowly falling faster to sleep. Shhh. You hush his worries. Him, slowly succumbing to sleep after making you promise to come back quickly. Only then can you take the time to step away and finish talking to Soobin.
You don’t stray too far, only walking off into the bathroom in search of the thermometer, medicine and a quiet place to talk. You rummage through the cabinets in a rush. Eye-brows furrowed and growing frustrated. The thermometer you found tucked away in a drawer, but you can’t seem to find any medicine at all. “Maybe pick up some medicine while you’re at the store, I can’t find anything here.” You say to Soobin, voice laced with frustration.
“Got it! What type should I get?” Soobin sounds upbeat despite the situation. Always happy to help, he’d do anything for his members.
“His fever’s pretty high,” You sit down on the edge of the bathtub and sigh. “Sounds like he has a sore throat too. Probably just get him some Advil and cough drops.”
“Okay, I’ll be there in 20 then.” His voice rings into the room.
You sigh in relief, one less thing to worry about. “Thanks so much Soobin, I’ll see you soon. Bye.” You hang up the phone and tuck it back in your pocket.
When you go to check back on Beomgyu, he’s just as you left him– fast asleep and still as sick as before. You stick the thermometer in his mouth that hangs slightly open– soft snores escaping it. He only startles a bit, shutting his mouth around the object and shifting slightly. But otherwise, he doesn’t wake. Long lost to the cycle of sleep. There’s use in waking him, he could probably use the rest. He looks so peaceful like this. Sound asleep and buried beneath all the blankets.
The chills seem to come and go. It’s like a wave that rolls in– soaking him in a cold sweat, then the sun appears to bring back the heat. His body can’t seem to regulate his temperature. You’ve learned over the years (after one too many unfortunate fevers) that a wet rag would help. After running to grab one, you place it on Beomgyu’s forehead. Other than this there’s nothing else you can do while he’s asleep. The thermometer finally beeps, letting you know it’s time to check his temperature. You pull it out of Beomgyu’s mouth and– Shit. 102.9, it’s pretty high. What he needs is medicine and some proper sleep. Soobin should be arriving soon, and then you should get started on making him something to eat as well. With one last look at him, you kiss his forehead and head downstairs to wait for Soobin’s arrival.
It didn’t take long for Soobin to arrive. When he got there, the conversation was quick. A few words exchanged, a short trip up to check on a still sleeping Beomgyu, and a promise to reschedule your plans whenever he gets better. After that, your attention was drawn to getting started on the soup. Maybe making him something to drink– and a few snacks too. He needs something light and easy on the stomach. You’re so focused on gathering the ingredients and stirring the soup that you don’t even notice the man sneaking up on you until he speaks.
“Liar,” Beomgyu spits, betrayal in his tone.
You spin around at the sound of his voice. Still rough from the cold, and slightly raspy since he just woke up. It’s a bit of a surprise to see him, you expected him to sleep a lot longer.
“What do you mean?” You ask. “And what are you doing up? You should be laying down upstairs. Resting.” Your concern quickly overtakes your curiosity.
Beomgyu ignores you and continues on,“You said you would be right back, but then you left.” He says with a sulk. All the while sinking down into the seat at the table. He lays his head on the wood top, watching you.
“Oh,” You let out a scoff and smile in relief. “I thought I did something serious.”
“It is serious!” He tries to shout. His voice so strained that it comes up as more of a whisper. “You already promised you’d stay and take care of me, it’s too late to back out. And now you’re off having fun and hanging out with Soobin while I was upstairs suffering. Talk about betrayal,” He grumbles.
You can’t help but try to bite back a smile at Beomgyu’s petty attitude. You just ignore his eyes on you and continue to stir the soup– it’s almost ready. “He only stopped by to drop off the soup and some medicine. We really didn’t talk for long.” Turning your head to look at him with a small smirk, you then say, “And how would you know what we were doing anyways. You were asleep.”
“I can assume.” Beomgyu mutters under his breath. “I don’t need Soobin stealing my girlfriend away from me when I’m at my weakest.”
“No ones stealing me away. Just focus on getting better and don’t worry about anything else.” You walk over to him and hand him a bowl. It’s filled with berries, the blue and red ones that are his favourite. Something to snack on while you finish the soup.
“Okay,” He sighs softly, accepting defeat to the playful argument. He takes the bowl and pops a berry in his mouth. He doesn’t have the energy to continue teasing you. Talking is growing tiresome. His throat aches and his thirst is insatiable. His chatter-box is beginning to break, slowly succumbing to the sickness like the rest of his rotting body.
Instead, he observes you. Following your movements like he’s watching a movie. It’s obvious he’s still tired. Eyes blinking slowly, lazy movements, and a quiet voice. He said he can’t get much sleep. Drifting in and out of dreamland, finally falling asleep only to wake up an hour later.
After he eats, you’ll make sure he sleeps. The shadows are closing in and the sky is growing darker. The odd star shines through the navy night, and the moon will join them very soon. What little light the day still offers shines through the window. It illuminates a small corner of the kitchen– the one where Beomgyu sits now.
You walk over to him– a warm bowl of soup held in each hand. Beomgyu can smell it from where he sits. The savoury scent makes his mouth water. He hasn’t eaten all day and he’s eager to have it all. But despite his hunger, his stomach stirs with nausea.
As if you can read the hesitance on his face, you smile at him with encouragement and say, “Just eat what you can. We can always save the rest for later.” Beomgyu nods and takes the first bite. Then another and another, until almost the entire bowl is finished.
You let out a laugh, “Slow down, don’t force yourself. Eating too fast will only upset your stomach.”
“It’s really good. Thank you.” He truly means it. He appreciates you staying by his side despite everything. Shouldering his burdens and sharing his troubles. His soul shines through his eyes, an amber colour in the light. And through his iris, it’s clear to see that he’s lovesick for you.
Although, the love only lasts for so long. “Well you don’t have to thank me, thank Soobin. He’s the one who bought it.” Beomgyu’s face immediately wrinkles in disgust. You can’t help but let a small smile slip at his expression.
“Okay, well if you’re done we can head up to bed.” Sitting up from the table, you take away his empty dishes to put in the sink. You’ll deal with them tomorrow.
“You’ll stay with me right?” Beomgyu grabs the hem of your sweater as you pass by. You stop still and look down at him with a tired smile. “Of course, I’m getting pretty tired too.”
You both make your way upstairs in a sleepy state. Tangled closely to one another and holding on tight. Not sure which limb is whose and where you begin and he ends. You stumble through a nighttime routine. Changing quickly then crawling into bed. Although that’s not before you remember to grab an Advil and wet rag. Placing it upon his forehead and giving him the tiny pill. It’s easy to drift off into sleep after that. The warmth you two emit, wrapped around each other and bundled in the blankets, chases off the winter chill. The darkness creeps into the room, closing your eyes, and dragging you off deep in a dream.
When you first wake, it isn’t by choice. Confused and still clinging onto sleep, it’s hard to think straight. You can’t see anything in the dark, but you can feel the frosty air that snuck in through the open window. The cold chill bites at your skin. It leaves you with red marks, frostbite nipping at your nose and numbing your hands. You can’t shake the shiver that runs up your spine. If you don’t shut the window, then you might end up just as sick as Beomgyu.
You try to sit up, but the warmth of the bed brings you back down. The sheets tied around your legs, handprints sinking into the mattress, and a certain boy that pulls you closer.
Every part of Beomgyu is tangled up in you. He’s wrapped up in your warm embrace. His hand bunches up the fabric of your shirt. His grip is tense, as if he’s desperately trying to get closer. He’s chasing after your heat. Your bleeding heart that pumps blood– hot and heavy. He craves your warmth and needs your love (The only two things that’ll end this sickness).
It’s not a want, but a need. You can hear it in the way his teeth chatter. Milk bone biting back a chill. You can feel how he shivers. Shaking like a leaf while in your arms.
You try to open your eyes in the dark, fighting off the shadows to see what’s wrong. Beomgyu has a look of pain etched into his skin. A strike of worry hits you in the heart. You try to take a closer look, untangling yourself from the tight grip he has around you. With your free hand, you brush back the bangs that cast shadows on his skin. Your other hand carefully cradles the back of his head, turning his sleeping face away from where it hides burrowed into your shoulder, and up to look at you instead.
His pale skin reflects the moonlight. It shines with sweat and when you glance down, you can see that he’s sweat through his shirt too. His fever has only seemed to have risen, growing more angry and ruthless than before. To check your suspicions, you gently cup his cheek in your hand. A quiet gasp leaves your lips. He’s hot to the touch.
The medicine mustn’t have been enough. And the wet rag, now fallen and forgotten on the floor, has long grown warm. You immediately sit up, now wide awake and full of worry.
Even in his sleep Beomgyu can sense you slipping away. He shifts over to your side of the bed. His hand outstretched, trying to chase your ghost. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he can’t find you. A sad look falls upon your face and you take his hand without thinking twice. Rubbing circles along his skin– slow and rhythmic. His subconscious responds, squeezing your hand tight and not letting go.
As you look down at the sorry sight of your boyfriend, you try to decide whether to wake him or not. Should you just let him sleep a little while longer? Let him live off in a dream, distant and unaware. His mind separate from the suffering his body endures. Although you don’t really want to disturb him, it’d probably be better to. Changing the sheets, giving him more medicine– it’ll all help to bring his fever down. So you lean in close and speak softly to him, “Beomgyu.” Your voice sweet as sugar. “Baby, wake up.” You rub up and down his arm so as not to startle him.
Beomgyu begins to wake at the movement. Tired eyes still heavy with sleep. Dreams of you and him still dancing in his head. His peace is now replaced with pain and he whines at the feeling of being awoken.
“Shhh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Your hand slides down to stroke his back. It settles a chill and brings back the heat in his bones.
Now slightly more awake, Beomgyu looks to you for the reason he’s awake. In your iris is a sea of grief. The dark sorrow swimming in your eyes, draining their colour and painting them gray.
You hesitate before speaking, “Your fever hasn’t seemed to have gone down. I’m gonna go grab you some more Advil– hopefully that works.” You glance down at the bed, avoiding his eyes. “I should probably change the sheets too. You sweat right through them.”
It’s only now that you mention it does he start to notice the heat that’s scorching his skin. The pain hits him all at once. His skin, sticky with sweat. Clothes stuck like a second skin and cold from the icy air. A headache drives it’s way through his skull. The pressure building right between his eyes.
Emotions overwhelmed, he begins to tear up. Red-rimmed eyes and crystal tears, he’s pretty when he cries. But the sad sight still hits your heartstring and sweet nothings start to leave your lips.
“I know, I know it hurts. I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.” You pause for a moment, swallowing down the sympathy that’s stuck in your throat. This new wave of worry makes it hard to talk. You even find that you have to take the time to fight back your own tears. “I’ll be right back.”
Beomgyu can’t find his words. Too tired to talk, he just lets out a low groan. He can feel you slipping away from him. Detangling yourself from the sheets and leaving his arms. His hand still holds yours and he only lets go at the last moment.
He sees you reach down and grab the wet cloth off the floor. Then he’s watching you walk away through blurry vision.
You aren’t gone for long, rushing to grab everything Beomgyu needs with no time to spare. But by the time you get back, the cold air has already reached him. Goosebumps litter his skin, his hair stands on end. He’s constantly switching between cold chills and a scorching heat. Too hot for a sweater, but too cold to be left alone.
It’s only a mere minute before you’re back by Beomgyu’s side. Sliding into bed while he’s pulling you close. He sits up a bit once he sees the pills in the palm of your hand. Two red tablets, the type that’s easy to swallow without an after-taste. He drinks them down with the water you’ve given him. He’s greedy with the way he takes it all. The cool liquid soothing his thirst and calming the heat. He downs the whole glass then goes to hand it back to you.
You quickly put the empty glass on the bedside table, then turn back over to face him. “Go back to bed.” You softly push his head back onto the pillow. Your fingers run through his hair, pushing it out of the way to place the wet cloth back on his forehead. “Try to get as much rest as you can. Just wake me up if you need anything.” He only huffs in response, too lazy to talk and already falling fast asleep. Once you see his body relax and eyes slowly shut, only then can you go to sleep without any worries weighing you down.
The rest of the night is a hazy collection of heatstroke. Beomgyu can’t remember anything too clearly, but he knows you never left his side.
When he’d start throwing up in the middle of the night, you’d rub his back and soothe the sickness.
The lights dimmed down so as not to agitate his headache. The lightbulb flickers overhead. It illuminates the tears that trail down his face. They leave angry red lines that run down from his eyes to his lips.
A sharp pain shoots through his stomach. It’s a constant pain that cuts up his insides. He’s emptied out everything he’s eaten, but the stomachache still stays. His head hangs over the toilet, forehead resting on his arm. The nausea is always sudden to strike, the slightest movement setting it off. Although his body aches and he’s throwing up till it’s acid, you being there helps. The way you rub up and down his back is like an anchor. Something to steady him, a soothing rhythm.
Your own head rests against Beomgyu’s nape. Still fighting off the remnants of sleep. Your whole body shaken at being awoken so suddenly by Beomgyu rushing to the bathroom. The quiet room and winter air threaten to drag you back to sleep, but you blink back the feelings. You’re here to focus on comforting the boy beside you. Even if you can’t do much to stop the sickness, just your presence is enough to bring some solace.
Your fingertips trace up along his spine. He can feel your touch through his shirt and he shivers at the feeling. Your warmth melts through the fabric and Beomgyu feels bare in front of you. He’s at his most sensitive and exposed, all for you to see. Yet, you accept him with open arms, and he couldn’t be anymore grateful.
When all the movement makes him dizzy, you’d hand him aspirins and water to wash it down.
The cup chilled from the frozen air. The heat of his hands leave fingerprints along the glass. He downs the drink in a second, starving for something to help his aching throat. It hurts to take a breath or even try to talk. Everytime a sentence scratches its way out from under his tongue, you shush him almost instantly. Sweet whispers of ‘Don’t talk’ and ‘I know what you’re trying to say’ are spoken. There’s no need for him to talk when you already know him so well. The next minute you’re handing him cough drops to soothe his sore throat.
Beomgyu pouts, they’re the bitter ones. The fake grape flavor that makes him sick to his stomach. He hates how they taste and refuses to eat them. But the next thing he knows he’s backtracking his words and you’re coaxing them down his throat with a kiss. You always taste so sweet, like strawberries at sunrise. He doesn’t even realize he’s swallowed them down like pills until you’re pulling back and he’s chasing you for more. Softly biting down on your bottom lip, his hands begin to wander. In the bathroom, dimly lit and at dawn, all his pain has run away. He can’t focus on anything other than your lips and how his heartbeat pounds in his chest. But Beomgyu is still sick and you’re pulling back to say, “If I kiss you anymore I’ll end up just as sick as you.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad.” He looks up into your eyes. It’s an endearing sight to see, his pink cheeks flushed and lips red from your attack. But the image of pain still peeks through, his eyes shine with tears that gather at the waterline. You let out a soft laugh, wiping away the tears before they fall. “Are you sure about that? Cause you don’t look to be doing so well.”
Beomgyu grabs your hand and holds it to his face. All he can do is whisper without it hurting, “But I’d take care of you. Just like you’re looking after me. Then it wouldn’t hurt as much.”
A soft smile pulls at your lips. Your heart hums a tune of tender delight. Heartstrings strumming a soft symphony of love and adoration.“I don’t doubt that you’d take care of me well, but let’s just hope it doesn’t get to that point. Let’s focus on you first, the one who’s actually sick.”
Beomgyu lets out a huff at the reminder of his illness. Even just the words washing over him is enough for the pain to multiply. His attention back on the aches that run along his body, the heat that makes his shirt stick to his skin, and the fatigue that takes away his focus.
He looks exhausted. Eye bags beginning to appear. Pink that’ll turn to purple if he can’t catch anymore sleep. “Come on,” You sigh at the sight of him. “Let’s get you to bed.” You grab his arm and guide him out of the bathroom.
Bits are pieces like this are all he remembers before the fever breaks.
It’s early in the morning. The sun begins to rise, bringing with it a rare warmth. The heat melts the snow and if for only a moment, winter’s wrath has begun to subside.
Beomgyu wakes up feeling slightly better than before. His headache has lessened, only a dull ache remains. His limbs no longer feel heavy with fatigue, instead he’s weightless and well rested. The sun is shining on his face, the bright light waking him up. Beomgyu blinks back the remnants of sleep and lets out a yawn.
Spring is blooming. A flower bud that shoots up from the snow. It’s a gentle blossom, one that’s so unlike yesterday's snow storm. The smell of flowers and the sun’s warm touch has begun to snuff out the sickness. Although nothing can compare to the real warmth right across from him. Beomgyu opens his eyes and sees you. You’re still asleep, slumbering off in a distant dream. You must have moved in your sleep, because your hair is sticking up in all directions and you’ve left his arms in the middle of the night.
Beomgyu reaches over, grabbing your arm to try and pull you closer. Right when he touches you, he can already tell something is wrong. You’re hot to the touch, a blistering heat that burns straight through your skin. Concern immediately overtakes him. Gently, he puts his palm to your forehead to check your temperature. Just as he thought, you’re running a fever.
It’s most likely his own fault. If he didn’t kiss you so carelessly– kept asking for more, then you probably wouldn’t end up sick. Although, he can’t lie and say that he’s sorry. Having you stuck with him until the sickness dies down is like a cruel dream. Wrapped in each other’s arms, sharing your warmth and waiting till the days go by. Sleeping in a bed made for two, twisted in the sheets and talking for hours. And even when it’s the worst of it– the chills and the aches, the sick stomach and the burning heat. You don’t need to worry, because he’ll take care of you. Just like he promised.
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