#( and tomorrow it's my birthday so we planned to go out for sushi )

[clochanamarc]

i need to vent in the tags abt the housemate, and i need to find a new word for this person bc "mate" is much too friendly rn.

[vorfreudevortex]

3. three can keep a secret...

a street racer!ino takuma x f!reader fic

redline masterlist // previous: chapter 2 // next: chapter 4

warnings // 5.8k words - swearing, alcohol, smoking, reckless driving (duh), all characters in college or recently graduated, mount hakone's details are not accurate for the sake of the story so pls don't try to clown me for it, mentions of weapons, mention of a car accident, injuries such as bleeding and broken bones, mention of death

✰ // the cars and the reader’s appearance in this fic are purposely kept ambiguous so you are free to have aspects look, feel, and be modified any way you’d like.

the vibes for chapter three

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆ ｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

takuma’s soft palms securely grip your waist as you wobble and sway. the skate park is empty aside from you two, the setting sun casts a golden filter through the trees and onto his glowing skin. it’s been a few days since he first kissed you. after finally exchanging phone numbers, you’ve been texting every day since, and stealing away time to see him when suguru’s attention is turned towards something else. he’s taken you for breezy late night cruises, let you drive his skyline, and hushed walks through quiet neighborhoods.

but today he treats you to sushi from his mom’s lovely shop, and now a crash course lesson in skateboarding at the secluded park near his home.

“i’m gonna let go!”

“don’t!” you shriek, clamping onto the cotton of his navy blue shirt even tighter.

“i’m kidding,” he giggles. “i won’t let go until you ask me to.”

you jerk back and forth on the worn out wood, trying to tighten your core like takuma told you to, but it does nothing as you struggle to find balance.

“are you bending your knees?”

“i’m trying to,” you whine as he walks beside you, guiding you forward slowly. you finally find a small center of stability, “wait, let go now.”

he steps back as you slowly roll forward, arms flailing and torso contorting as you try to hold the balance you had. takuma doesn’t leave your side. the uneasiness becomes too much for you and you stumble off the board, sending it flying behind you. he’s quick to grab you.

“that was great, you’re making progress!” he grins. you grip his arms.

“that was terrifying!”

“oooh, so when 4 wheels have a supercharged v8, it’s fine” he teases. “but when it’s 3 pounds of wood, it’s terrifying?”

“it’s so not the same!”

takuma laughs before wrapping his strong arms around you and pressing a kiss to your forehead. the contact is soft, gentle. you’ve noticed over the past few days that takuma is rowdy and rough when he makes contact with anything except you. when you’re there, his body and voice calms, like a precious glass ornament he’s afraid to break.

“we can be done for the day,” he suggests. “maybe another lesson tomorrow?”

“i can’t,” you pout. “my dad and brother said they have something planned for my birthday.”

“what?!” his eyes widen with alarm. “your birthday?”

“yeah,” you smile sheepishly. “i’m 21 tomorrow.”

“you should’ve said something! oh my god, i didn’t get you anything.”

“i didn’t expect you to,” you giggle. “you don’t need to get me anything, kuma.”

“no, no, no,” he pleads, tightly clinging to you. “i’ll get you something good, promise.”

“you really shouldn’t worry about it—”

“—sshhh,” he hushes you. “and this weekend, we can go out and celebrate at the underground.”

“i’d love that, kuma.”

“good,” another press to your forehead before quickly whipping around and hopping on his board. he pushes off, rolling fast and low as he approaches a ramp. he looks at you with a silly grin and playful eyes— it’s an addicting sight. “now watch this steeze!”

you can’t help but laugh at his goofy behavior as he lifts up from the ramp, the board twirling in the air before he sticks the landing.

it’s not the burning sun that sends warmth through your entire body, it’s takuma.

✰✰✰✰✰

that evening, chopsticks click and clatter around the kotatsu as your little family enjoys a comforting dinner. you, papa, and suguru prattle and laugh over minuscule conversation and steaming rice. but papa finds a lull through the noise, and takes the opportunity to say something that neither you or suguru were expecting.

“i talked to toji fushiguro the other day.”

ah, shit. 

you look at suguru, suguru looks at papa. you know that your brother never told your dad about the tense situation from a few days ago. and you both know that papa is still friends with toji, but assumed that he would keep his mouth shut to him. plus, incidents like that had an unspoken rule to stay unspoken, even to those who were familiar with the scene.

“and how did that go?” suguru responds, his words slow and careful. papa looks at you, his kind eyes suddenly serious. he holds a beer bottle, oil and grease buried deep underneath his fingernails.

“toji says that there’s some people who don’t like that there’s a girl running around and racing.” 

“i haven’t been racing, though,” you’re confused. you already know toji told your papa about the argument suguru had with his son. suguru stays quiet, looking down in his food with his brows furrowed.

“but you’ve been practicing to race,” you dad explains. “apparently, the local car community isn’t exactly excited that you’re here.”

“i’m just visiting,” you tilt your head. “i come here every summer, i think most people in the scene know that.”

“but you’re older now. you shipped out your car, doing mountain passes… getting more involved with suguru’steam.”

“that doesn’t mean anything,” suguru finally says. “who’s saying this?”

“i’m not sure,” papa admits. “but toji seemed concerned about it enough to come and talk to me.”

“and this was after suguru raced his son, right?” you ask.

“yes, but all that’s beside the point.”

“so what is the point?” your brother says, you can tell he’s getting irritated.

“well…” papa clears his throat. “…they don’t want a girl racing around them.”

“why not?” you ask and suguru rolls his eyes.

“it’s not like a girl’s never ran with us,” suguru scoffs. “this is stupid.”

“so, are people, like… mad at me?” you’re still confused. “they know my shelby is faster, they know that suguru’steaching me how to drift, so what? they don’t want the possibility of suguru’s sister being better than them? that’s so childish.”

“i agree,” suguru adds. “this is some bullshit. it’s just fun, my little sister wants to run around with me and race while she’s here for the summer, so she will. it’s not that serious.”

“trust me, i agree as well,” your papa looks anxious, the creases on his face seem more obvious than before. “it’s just that toji suggested that…”

“suggested what?” suguru huffs.

“he suggested that someone might cause trouble if clutch hangs around too much.”

“…is that a fucking threat?”

“i don’t know. but you needed to know, and clutch is old enough now where she should know it, too.”

“alright…,” your fingertips twitch. “so what happens now?”

suguru scarfs down the last of his food and stands up from the table. “i gotta call toru and ken.” your papa reaches over and places a reassuring hand over yours as suguru disappears upstairs.

“i’m sure it’s just talk. you shouldn’t stop having fun while you’re here,” his gentle words help you relax. “i love you, y/n. just be safe and smart when you’re out.”

✰✰✰✰✰

later, when the moon glows through the windows and the house settles into silence, you find yourself knocking on suguru’s bedroom door. you heard him come in earlier from the bar with his friends, and know he would be in bed now.

“come in.”

he lays back on the pillows of his bed with one knee propped up, scrolling on his phone. he only wears a pair of shorts and his long, dark hair is loose over his shoulders. his room is spotless, like always. against one side of the room is his bed and desk, the other a tv and dresser. they walls are covered in a tasteful array of signs and posters, the moonlight almost makes them seem alive. his dark wooden desk is littered with random silver car parts and tools, all clean and neatly aligned. his closet door is ajar, and each shirt is color coded.

you pad over and and he moves to make room for you as you sit beside him. his phone lights up his sleepy face, it’s a tiktok video of a beautiful nissan silvia.

“what’s up?” he smiles lazily, reaching up to wind his fingers through your hair. you slump into his shoulder.

“we never talked the other day.”

“yeah, i’m sorry. i got caught up working on satoru’s car.”

“it’s alright. i’ve already forgiven you.”

“well, i’m still sorry… never should of put you in that position.”

“don’t be,” you laugh. “i put myself there.”

“and i should’ve kept you out.” you sit up, his fingers leave your hair. he looks at you expectantly.

“nii-chan, you’ve never used your gun, right?” your voice is soft. “same with satoru?”

“no,” he looks directly in your eyes, he wouldn’t dare lie to you. “never.”

“okay,” you nod. “but, what about what papa said—”

“—i will if i need to,” he’s quick to respond. “and satoru.”

“i will, too.”

he lifts an eyebrow at your words. “huh?”

“i know how to use a gun,” you admit. “mom has one back home and taught me.”

“why would she get a gun?”

“i dont know,” you shrug. “everyone’s got one. so i guess she didn’t want to be the only one without.”

“you’re not going anywhere near my pistol.”

“i know.”

“seriously, don’t touch it under any circumstances. i don’t care if it's laying around in my car or something,” his voice is suddenly low and urgent. “if i get caught and they find your prints on it, it’s over for you.”

“you’d go to jail, too.”

“and i’ll be the only one going. you’ll have nothing to do with it.”

you’re both quiet for a moment before you ask your next question.

“why did toji fushiguro do that? don’t you think that was so weird?”

“i don’t know, i think just to piss me off some more,” suguru huffs. “either way, it was odd behavior, even from him. it was fucking disrespectful. he doesn’t know you like that so i don’t know why he would try that shit.”

“you still seem really mad about it.”

“because i am,” he sits up and grabs your arm. “that’s why i don’t want you anywhere near ino or any of the shadows. they hang out with some nasty people. fushiguro still does suspicious shit and i know he’s got his son in it too.”

“suspicious how?”

“fushiguro…” he pauses and glances at the bedroom door before lowering his voice to a whisper. “…fushiguro and his kid were the ones to help me get my gun. and i know exactly which nameless yakuza he sourced it from. and that kamo guy, the one with the tattoo on his nose, used to run drugs and other shit for him and toji. they ran around together in a motorcycle gang before they got busted and he came to tokyo.”

choso kamo? no way… he was so quiet and respectful towards you at the club, and he’s friends with takuma, the sweetest one of them all. same with megumi, he seemed so young and easily flustered, there’s not a chance that his own father has him sneaking around the city like that… right?

you want suguru to be lying but you know he isn’t. he’s never lied to you and his intense gaze solidifies his truth.

“you think anyone who willingly runs around with those guys can stay out of trouble? absolutely not. takuma and his boys were the first to get pistols. satoru and i thought the same as mom, we weren’t gonna get tied up someday as the only ones without them.”

“okay, i get it. but what does that mean for me?” you take a breathe. “i don’t wanna get caught in literal crossfire just because i wanna race.”

“you won’t.”

“how can you be sure? if toji fushiguro is this big and bad, i don’t think he’d make empty… threats… like that.”

“clutch, my team is more than just ken and toru,” he reassures. “sure, those two are always around, but the phantoms are bigger than you think. they’re just not around every time we’re out.”

“i kind of figured…”

“people say the phantoms run the streets of tokyo,” he continues. “everyone knows i don’t fool around. there’s a lot that happens when you’re not here. someone would be an idiot if they tried to come after us.”

“what about me?”

“us includes you, silly,” he smirks. “you’re my sister. you could beat most of them in a race after all. as long as you stay close to me, you’ll be alright.”

you can’t help but smile.

“suguru, i wanna be one of the fastest street racers in tokyo,” you admit. “at least while i’m here.”

“i think you’re pretty much there already,” he chuckles. “there’s no other girls who race with us.”

“i mean, even better than the handful of female racers around. i wanna be able to keep up with you.”

“is that so?”

“yeah. and i wanna win a touge pass on mount hakone, too. lots of them.”

“all before the summer ends?” he teases.

“yeah, before the summer ends,” you grin. “and then i’ll mysteriously disappear like i was never here.”

“oooh, kinda like a phantom?” he wears a shit-eating grin and you can’t help but laugh. “it’s late, you better get some sleep for you surprise tomorrow.”

“can you give me a hint?”

he looks up and purses his lips, faking a deep thought. “hmmm. it’s something you’ll never see coming.”

“yeah, i know,” you lightly smack him as he laughs. “that’s what a fucking surprise is.”

“i’m not telling you anything. but it’ll be a proper celebration of your 21st. it’s a big one, you’ll go home and be able to party now.”

“you act like i’ve never had a sip of liquor in my life,” you pull him in for a tight hug. “love you.”

“love you, too.”

you pull away and playfully jab your finger in his nose. “you need a soap opera on your life after the drama you caused the other night. don’t drag me into it again.” he swats your hand away with a grin.

“you shithead. get out of my room.”

at exactly 12:01 am, your phone sings:

takuma ino: happy birthday pretty girl :)

✰✰✰✰✰

your birthday flies by before you know it. papa, suguru, satoru, kento, and shoko wake you up with your favorite breakfast and gifts, including one that your mom mailed to you from back home. your bed is littered new clothes, jewelry, trinkets, and liquor at the end of the morning. suguru makes you play passenger princess in your own mustang for the day while he takes you around the city, while the others all seem to have excuses for why they can’t come spend your birthday with you.

suguru drags you all across tokyo. he takes you shopping, out for lunch, and then coffee when you get sleepy. he pays for your manicure, takes all your instagram photos for you without complaining, and to the sushi boat restaurant you’ve been wanting to visit. it’s not as good as ino family's sushi shop.

you’re exhausted by the time the sun has set, begging your brother to take you home so you can finally spend time with your papa before the night ends.

“your garage remote isn’t working,” suguru says as he fumbles with the buttons, the engine idling just outside the house.

“suguru, this has been the best day ever and i love you so much,” you start. “but i’m about to get real fucking cranky if i’m not in the house in 10 seconds.”

“relax,” he laughs. “go open the door for me and head on upstairs. i’ll pull your car in.”

you’re punching in the code when you hear suguru cut the motor of your mustang. the garage door groans open behind your back as you watch him walk up the driveway toward you.

“i thought you were gonna pull my car in?”

“i would but,” he points behind you. “there’s no room.”

your drowsiness had distracted you from realizing the shop’s lights were on when they shouldn’t have been. you look over your shoulder with wide eyes. suguru’s a fucking liar after all.

the shop is crowded with bodies that shout and holler excitedly when you finally turn around, and in the center sits your papa, satoru, kento, and shoko. between them, however, is a dark, blood red body of metal. there’s not a single scratch on the paint, and the chrome wheels gleam under the bright lights of the garage. the front license plate, brand new and snowy white, reads “CLUTCH”.

“what the fuck…”

“we all pitched in,” suguru slings an arm around your stiff shoulders and holds a key out before you. “still wanna go to bed?”

your life isn’t real. you stand there like an idiot, dumbfounded with your jaw hanging open. this is a movie— no, a dream. no, this is a prank. a sick, sick joke.

“liar,” you finally choke out. “you’re a liar. you’re lying.”

“never,” he says, finally letting a wide grin spread across his face. he pushes you into the garage and past the strangers. “i hope you don’t mind, but everyone here helped pitch in something and wanted to meet you. these are the phantoms…” he opens the driver’s door of the silvia and gently pushes you into the seat. “…and this is the newest phantom’s newest car.”

you’re crying, sobbing, bawling. you’re an absolute blubbering mess. suguru crouches down in the open door as you shakily fumble with the ignition. it roars to life and shakes the walls of the shop. the turbocharged engine sounds so good, so sweet. you wail along with it as you slump over suguru’s shoulders and wet his shirt with your tears.

you can’t stop your tears as your loved ones embrace you, it’s all so much, too much. this was much different than when your mom helped you purchase the mustang, matching whatever amount you saved up from countless hours working as a waitress from her seemingly endless bank account. the time, effort, and love that your family on this side of the world had put in just for you makes you want to burst.

you think about your papa, long hours underneath greasy hoods, meticulously tuning and fixing each motor for each client that rolled into the shop. you think about kento, serious eyes and rough hands toiling away at his side. suguru, who your father also pays for his help, and his hours flipping street cars to sell on the other side of the shop— all three of their automotive technology degrees from college being put to work constantly. shoko’s exhausting 12-hour shifts at the hospital, usually during the late hours of the night. god, even satoru, who probably poured a significant amount of his father’s bank account into this gift to make up for his constant loitering.

the nissan silvia s15 spec-r, used but practically in mint condition with only 2,500 miles on it. a 4-cylinder turbo engine with horsepower up to 250. a 6 speed transmission, of course, and 274 newton-meters of torque. 

it’s fucking beautiful.

it’s yours.

✰✰✰✰✰

it’s deep into the night when suguru, satoru, and shoko step outside for a cigarette. your papa has already gone to bed and the rest of the phantoms are gone. you had made sure to thank each and every one of them before they left. most stayed close during the evening, taking turns watching papa and kento guiding you through the foreign engine and its components. 

it was just you and kento now, gently wiping down the sparkling red paint with soft towels in the peaceful silence of the garage. you sit on the concrete, getting the low corners of the nose while he leans over the hood, carefully erasing any fingerprints and dust.

“it’s quite the ride,” kento says quietly. his eyes droop with exhaustion from running around all day with papa and satoru to get the silvia in time.

“it really is," you smile. "thank you so much again, ken."

“you’ll be cruising along with us now,” he adds. “no need to ride in our passenger seats anymore like you used to.”

you can’t help but giggle, floating high and light through your sleepiness with the liquor and adrenaline of today. you think of all the times you’ve rode shotgun with each of the boys growing up, clutching onto the handles as they’d fly around just to make you shriek with happiness. it almost makes you want to cry, knowing those innocent days have ended, but you blink away the tears.

“i’ll still hop in with you every so often, don’t worry,” but kento doesn’t respond at first, instead he crouches down to your level.

“y/n, you should know that…” his voice is low, barely above a whisper as he pauses to glance at the cracked door. in the second of silence, you can hear your brother’s voice outside. kento’s brown eyes turn back and bore into you with insane intensity.

“…i saw you yesterday.”

he sees the confusion in your face. yesterday? wait—

“with takuma ino.”

fuck.

“…y-you did?” your voice shakes. you internally panic, you don’t know what to say.

“at the skate park, didn’t i?”

oh, he’s got you now. you hesitate in how to respond, but then silently nod your head. you’ve never lied to kento, and you won’t start now.

“i thought so.”

“i’m sorry…” you whisper. your heart pounds so loudly in your chest that you’re afraid kento can hear it. his eyes soften just the slightest bit.

“you didn’t know i live in that area as well, didn’t you?” his question sounds more like a statement. you shake your head, frightful tears forming in your eyes. you can’t even imagine the angry words your brother will chastise you with when he finds out, or worse, the angry fists he'd throw at takuma. “calm down. i’m not going to tell suguru.”

“you’re not?”

“no. it’s not my business.”

he stands up on his feet once more. you swallow harshly, willing the blush on your cheeks and the beating in your chest to calm down. kento has never scared you, but as you look up at his towering stance from the floor, you’re nothing but intimidated.

“but you will tell him when the time is right. and you will be careful around ino and the shadows. do you understand?”

“i understand,” you manage to croak out. you feel like you’re being disciplined by your father, or maybe your high school principle. kento just nods and motions for you to stand up beside him.

“you will also drive safely and responsibly with this new car,” his finger taps the hood. “only your father and i are allowed to tune this engine. if you get in an accident, it will be because of your driving. i will not allow this motor to fail on you under any circumstances whatsoever. if there is even a speck of dust positioned incorrectly on this motor, i will not allow you to race. do you understand?”

“yes, i understand.”

“i know your brother has told you about what happened to yu. i won’t allow anything like that to happen to you,” his face changes ever so slightly, an unreadable expression. your heart skips a beat, you know all about what happened to yu haibara. 

you’ve seen glimpses of the burn marks on kento’s side, the ones from him pulling his childhood friend from a blazing car. yu haibara didn’t stand a chance, he had died in the initial wreck before the engine even caught on fire. kento had crawled out of the passenger seat, bones snapped in half and stabbing through his skin, before crawling back in when he realized yu hadn’t come out yet. bleeding and broken, he had cradled yu’s lifeless body on the touge of mount fuji until help finally came to him. kento has never raced since.

“thank you, ken,” you whisper. you know he's dead serious, he would never say such a thing if he didn't truly and absolutely mean it.

kento pulls you in for a swallowing hug, the musk of his cologne filling your lungs as he wraps you into his chest.

“damn,” you turn at satoru’s teasing voice. “someone take a picture, ken’s showing emotion.”

the trio enters the garage with drowsy faces, reeking of tobacco. kento lets go, you pray they only caught the last part of your conversation.

“all cleaned up, huh?” suguru whistles.

your brother steps between you to lean over and closely inspect the glowing red paint, kento stands stiffly on the other side of him. you glance at him. he has a soft, knowing look in his eyes, and dimples emerge in his cheeks as he puts on gentle smile. you have complete trust in knowing that kento will keep your secret safe as he opens his mouth to speak.

“yeah. all cleaned up.”

✰✰✰✰✰

all week long, you wake up early and stay up late. the boys work with you every day while your papa tinkers alongside you between his own clients. shoko stops by after her shifts for a beer and cigarette to watch the boys work. 

the first engine modifications include a better cold air intake and exhaust, while kento insists that he reprograms the ecu so your throttle response is absolutely perfect. suguru orders brand new coilovers while satoru and your papa lightly argue over which strut and sway bars will be best for you. 

the five of you spend an entire day on new tires and cambers until the angle is exactly the way you want it, and another few days installing a gorgeous wide body kit for the wheels. papa focuses on replacing the stock clutch and gear shifter. kento helps you with the brake calipers and pads. you thought you knew plenty about cars and motors, but each hour you feel like you’re being introduced to a new component or tool that you didn’t know existed. 

at the end of every night, you’re leaning against the shower wall with sleepy eyes trying to scrub the grease and oil from the crevices of your skin and the bed of your fingernails. you’re not sure the dark smell of the motor will ever leave your hair, but you slide into your bed light-headed and happy knowing your family loves you enough to provide so much for you.

you don’t talk to takuma much as week passes, only a few messages here and there. you’re too busy feeling filthy with guilt every time the boys open up a box of brand new parts for your car. but every time you start to say something, someone is shushing you. you know how expensive each part is, and on top of the expense of the car… you feel sick to your stomach just thinking about how many digits follow the dollar sign.

although you’ve taken your new silvia for a few spins, you’re itching to get out to the mountain as the week comes to an end and the car comes closer to completion. it’s all you’ve wanted to do all summer, all you’ve wanted to do for years, and now you finally have your very own vehicle to do so.

the large door of the garage is wide open and the sun is setting, shooting rays of gold into the garage and over the silvia. warm summer breezes sift through the shop. suguru talks you through properly applying a sticker on your back windshield. it’s the same one you’ve seen on all the boys’ cars; a bright white hooded ghost figure with glowing red eyes— a phantom. when you’re finished wiping it down, your brother ruffles your hair and smiles.

“let’s go to mount hakone.”

you truly couldn’t be happier. there’s no races tonight, but there’s still a few scattered cars hanging out around the straight. a few of them take casual passes through the mountain, but nothing high stakes. you recognize a few familiar phantom faces and make sure to take the time to greet them and show them your finished project, thanking them incessantly for helping your family purchase the silvia until they’re practically begging you to stop.

everyone shows respect when suguru announces he wants you to have a turn through alone. they stay back on the shoulder to wait until you come back through again, giving you supportive words as you start warming up the engine. suguru hands you the black helmet from the passenger seat for the nth time.

“where did you even get this?” you ask him as you pull it over your hair. “you’ve never even owned a motorcycle.”

“it’s for your safety,” he reaches over to make sure the chinstrap is tight enough.

“i asked where, not why,” you giggle.

“i don’t even remember. it’s been laying around in my closet for a while.”

“it’s a cool helmet! practically brand new.”

“you’re the only one to wear it.”

you fasten your new seatbelt across your chest, a red racing harness that matches the maroon paint of the silvia. suguru does the same before pulling on your straps once more.

“i got it!” you whine. “it’s tight enough.”

“i just need to be sure,” he settles back in the passenger seat. “let’s run it.”

you press the gas, making the glistening new tires spin in place against the rough concrete until your gut tells you they’re sticky enough. your foot lifts from the brake, and the car is set free. your mind thinks of nothing except redlining the engine and the upcoming turn the entire way through.

your mind has made friends with each bend, rock, and tree along the path. every time you come to mount hakone, your confident builds higher and higher. and with the silvia now in your control, you’re raring to go. each day that passes means your time in japan is getting shorter, and you want— no, need— to get faster.

back at the straight, suguru whistles as you pull the handbrake for the final time and take out the key. the engine stands still and hot, you can hear the faint tick tick ticking under the hood as you tear off the constricting helmet. your hair sticks to your forehead, damp with sweat, as you try and catch your breathe. suguru shows you his phone screen.

8:42:35

it’s nowhere close to suguru’s. although unofficial because of its illegality, all the street racers in tokyo know that your brother holds the fastest time at mount hakone— 6:48:02.

“8 minutes?” you whine, even though it’s a whopping 5 seconds faster than the last pass you completed.

“this is an insanely good time,” suguru chuckles.

“no it’s not! it’s over 2 minutes slower than you.”

“relax, clutch—”

“—and a minute and 40-something seconds slower than toru.”

“you’ve already gotten so much faster since you—”

“—and a minute and 38 seconds slower than kento!”

“cool it,” suguru warns against your rare show of brattiness. “don’t pout about it. this is still faster than a lot of racers around here.

you’re still panting. you unclasp the seatbelt, slouching as your head falls back into the black suede of the headrest and close your eyes.

“you’re right, suguru. i’m sorry,” you say softly. “i’m sorry, i’m just tense from all that. it’s a good time, i know that.”

“don’t apologize, it’s alright,” he reassures. “let’s take a break.”

you pull your car to the shoulder and practically kick open the door to get out. although the icy air you had blasting during the race kept your skin cool, the cool mountain air made you feel as if you could actually breathe again. a handful of phantoms come over to you, complimenting your improving time and suggesting helpful tips while another round of racers loudly speed into the mountains.

a pair of boys your age stand off to the side, listening closely until the others leave. the dark-haired one with sleepy eyes holds a hand out to your brother first. unlike takuma, it seems like he already knows how not to piss suguru off.

“geto-san, nice to meet you,” he smiles. “my name is yuta okkotsu.”

suguru returns his smile and shakes his hand. okkotsu and his friend turn to you with a small bow before he places a hand on the shoulder of the smaller blonde boy wearing a black mask over his mouth and nose.

“this is toge inumaki,” he continues. “he’s mute, but he can hear you just fine.”

“oh, nice to meet you!” you smile.

“inumaki was wondering if you’d like to race tomorrow night, before ino-san and gojo-san,” okkotsu explains with his eyes trained on you. you look back at him but your mind is elsewhere. you didn’t know takuma and satoru were set to race tomorrow.

“uh, me?” you ask. you’re a little surprised, you weren’t expecting someone to approach you first, especially knowing now that people didn’t want you to race. inumaki raises his hands, fingers swimming through the air as he signs to okkotsu.

“if it’s alright with the both of you,” he explains. you can see the raised cheekbones of inumaki’s smile from under his mask. “inumaki just started racing as well, he thought it would be good experience for the both of you.”

“what’s your time?” suguru asks, but he speaks directly to inumaki. the boy’s eyes dart from suguru to okkotsu, nervous that suguru won’t be able to understand him. but he raises his hands anyways, and the slender fingers start to move.

eight. three. nine.

“8 minutes, 39 seconds?” suguru clarifies, inumaki nods. he clearly doesn’t care that the boy can’t speak, he just wants to know how fast he is.

“and what team are you two with?” he asks.

“we aren’t on any team,” okkotsu answers. “we’re pretty new to the scene, we just race for fun. and we don’t race for pinks or money.”

“how old are you two?”

“…17,” the boy smiles sheepishly. your brother chuckles lightly.

“well, how ‘bout it, clutch?” suguru hums. “you wanna race this guy?”

“…can i?” you respond. you’re asking suguru if he thinks you’re ready for a true touge race more than you’re asking for his permission to.

“if you want. i think you’re ready.” you smile at your brother and turn back to the boys. you hope you don’t seem too giddy, but your heart pounds with the anticipation of your first real race.

“let’s do it, inumaki-kun!”

he puts his hand to his chin and out, thank you. then, a fist with his pinky and thumb out with a gentle shake, shaka. you giggle lightly as you mimic his hands.

“but first,” suguru steps forward, towering over the boys. “we’ll do three practice passes right now with the two of you. she’s never gone through with a second car. we’ll take it slow and easy, keep your distance from her.”

inumaki nods and your brother turns to you.

“i’ll ride with you in the first round, but that’s it,” it’s your turn to nod to suguru. “helmet on, clutch. let’s go.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆ ｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

redline masterlist // previous: chapter 2 // next: chapter 4

tag list // @stillnotherapy @rieamena @magiamad0ka

© vorfreudevortex | all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, repost, or otherwise share my work.

[the---hermit]

Yes I am showing off again the tma themed coverpage of my bullet jorunal, but on my defense I think it's cool and people asked me to post more bujo pics.

23|05|2023

18/50 days of productivity

Today I wanted to catch up with at least half of yesterday's history of religions lecture before leaving earlier and meeting with a friend. Of course today the website decided not to work, so I had to change my study plans last minute. I did some reading instead, and then as I said I left early to meet up with a friend. We decided to go eat sushi before to celebrate his birthday. It was lovely to eat out with a friend, I hadn't done that in a while. The day was overall pretty chaotic and I am really tired. I am considering taking the whole weekens off to recharge before I doing some hardcore studying for my exams, but I'll decide tomorrow after doing some planning.

Productivity:

finished reading and highlighting the second chapeter of The Creation Of Mythology by M. Detienne (aka the book I have to study for my history of religions class, and that I am hating with all my heart)

booked an haircut (or better I talked with my brother to fix a date cause apparently it's now a thing that we go cut our hair together and he got the appointment for both of us, but there was some planning so that's productivity)

last in person class (and I will have to rewatch the recording and waste more time because I was struggling and to make things more comolicated the person next to me wouldn't shut up so there's that)

practiced Irish on duolingo

listened to the latest episode of the books unboud podcast

Self care:

read first thing in the morning

wore a nice outfit to get motivation to get out of the house

went to lunch with a friend before our last in person class of the semester

📖:The Left Hand Of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin

[adventuresasmrsfindley]

What a great day!! Picked my neighbor friend up around 11. We went for sushi. A new to me place that was soooo good! (And she bought my lunch as a late bday present which was so kind) Then we did some shopping. Got pedicures. Stopped for a bevvy on the way home. The conversation flowed easily all day! After I dropped her off around 6, I met up with my guys at the local Mexican joint and got dinner. Then I realized she left her water bottle in my car so I was going to drop it off on my way home and she was like the boys are out playing, bring Knox over. So we all hung out for another hour or so.

Cole just headed out to get drinks with a friend for his birthday. I'm putting the small one to bed and then reading!! Happy to be home. Happy we have no plans tomorrow.

[suckitsurveys]

Yesterday

1) What was the weather like? Did it change your plans in any way? It was in the mid 70s and breezy, which was really nice because Monday and Tuesday were REALLY hot. There was a big storm the night before which cooled things off.

2) What did you do yesterday, anyway? I worked and we had a company picnic and then I went and got my nails done and then went out for sushi with two of my friends.

3) Did you eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner? What did you have? I had a banana and an english muffin with peanut butter for breakfast, a taco and some beans and rice and chips and guac for lunch at the aforementioned company picnic, and, as I also just mentioned, sushi for dinner.

4) Did you do some form of exercise? What? Nope.

5) Who did you spend the most time with? My coworkers, technically.

6) What television shows or movies did you watch? I didn’t watch anything yesterday.

7) What time did you get up and go to bed? I got up at 5am and went to bed about 10pm.

8) What was the best bit about yesterday? Sushi!!!!!!!!!!!! and being with my friends.

9) What about the worst? All the bs I had to deal with at work before the picnic.

10) Did you talk to anyone on the phone? Who? Why? Yeah, a couple work related calls and then the mechanic called me about my car and then I called my dad to let him know about it and then I called Randal when I got to his place to pick him up and then I called my husband on my way home.

Today

1) What time did you get up? 5am.

2) What are your plans for today? Working and then I have to drive my dad to the doctor and then I’ll have dinner with Mark. I also need to order the decor for my niece’s birthday party.

3) Have you eaten any meals yet? What did you have? I had an english muffin with peanut butter and i’m about to have lunch.

4) Are you planning on seeing your friends or boyfriend/girlfriend? I’m seeing my husband but I also live with him, so.

5) Does your favorite television show air today? Nope.

6) Have you spoken to your parents yet? Not yet.

7) How many texts have you received? A handful from Lolly and Mark.

8) Are you planning on going to bed early? I should but I never do.

9) Have you done anything remotely productive today? Yes I’ve gotten a lot of work done today.

10) How much money did you spend so far? Are you planning on spending more later? None yet, technically. I did pay off the credit card bill but I wouldn’t call that “spending” money. I might order my niece’s party decor in a bit though.

Tomorrow

1) What time do you have to get up tomorrow? 5am.

2) What do you hope the weather will be like? The same it is now is fine.

3) Is there anything you’re dreading about tomorrow? Work.

4) Is there anything important you need to do, or can you just relax? I have to work.

5) Do you have plans to see your friends? Not as of right now.

6) What do you hope will happen tomorrow? I hope we get pizza for me and my bosses birthdays since they both fall over the weekend.

7) Are you going to wake up at home, or somewhere else? At home.

8) If you don’t have any plans, what do you think you’ll end up doing? I’ll be working. Maybe Mark and I will have a fire to celebrate the end of the week/an early birthday thing for me.

9) Do you have to get a work out in at some point? I SHOULD but I’m “restarting” on Tuesday so I can actually get a routine together.

10) Will you be working or studying at all? Yes, working.

[xxwiltedwisteriaxx]

SO CLOSE.

I almost didn’t eat today. Everything was going well but i forgot that i’m like.. RLLY bad at hiding shit and RLLY good at complaining. So subconsciously i text my fiancé “omfg I’m ⭐️VING and this lady (a college spokesperson) won’t SHUT UP”

Then he caught me in my lie from earlier telling him i had a good brekkie, and also dug out of me that i had i had no lunch either. my excuse was “idk i jst haven’t gotten out of bed” SO, he ordered me sonic and had it doordashed to me.. (he’s in the military so he can’t jst.. go get it)

I could never be mad at him, especially not for caring about me. It was a cheeseburger, a small chili cheese tots, and a small cookie dough shake. I spent probably like fifteen minutes calculating calories until i got to 1,300 and decided just to eat the damn meal. Again, I could never be mad at my fiancé for caring about me, but DAMN.

On one hand, Im super fucking disappointed that i made it until 16:30, then broke my fast. On the other hand… ig if you REALLY put it in perspective, i had like a normal amount of calories a person should have. I jst omad-ed. I plan to fast tomorrow for my birthday (Im finally ACTUALLY 18 WOO!! No more lying on social media!! :3) and for most of the day friday since my mom will be taking my brother and i out to some fancy shmancy sushi place.

How I felt after eating:

Jst writing this as a reminder to myself.

Being hungry sucked ass, we all know this. It made me nauseous and irritable, but it felt so good to say no to my cravings. After eating i felt like crap, sure my belly is full and i’m no longer having cravings, but every bite put me deeper and deeper into shame thinking “how tf am i gonna write abt this?” But wtv, im choosing not to care today bc it’s already done with.

In all honesty, I try telling myself i feel this way for public approval, and some of that might actually be true, but really i jst want control.

But who cares, it’s only one day, and one day further away from reaching my ugw.

[myf00djournal]

How good is progress? Chip chip chip away.

My watch went a bit haywire at the beginning, missed the start apparently, and the entire run whenever I looked it kept showing inaccurate splits. At one point it said 6:15 but clearly none of them were. It made me push because I thought I was running behind pace 😤 So bizarre. That’s Apple for you lol. My Runna membership is in lieu of getting a Garmin but unfortunately they don’t have a feature that paced you through “race day” it’s just training plans. They said that feature is coming though so fingers crossed 🤞🏽

Very proud of my efforts especially over the last 6 weeks but that work started about a year ago 🙏🏽 🏃🏽‍♀️ I just completely believe in myself now. It is so daunting looking back. This time last year I was still chasing my 2022 goal of going under 30. Once everything clicks it’s just magic 🪄

I haven’t been posting my whole day lately. I just took a break. I still tracked on some days but I’m feeling like I had a good understanding of my routine foods lately and didn’t need to input everything.

My week has felt pretty consistent. I did strength training 4x, and after tomorrow will have run 22.5km in total. I felt tired though because we had a shutdown period at work and I WFH. It felt very tiring to go back 🙃

I did my easy run on Tuesday but skipped a 7km progressive run on Thursday because it was 40 degrees here 🥵 I’m running my 11km long run tomorrow with my mate around the river so I’m excited for a change of scenery and some company. Next week is a deload week as it’s halfway through the program and I am keeeeeeen.

Today after parky I just got a coffee ☕️ . I had had Nutrigrain before I ran, just a small portion. I usually have half an English muffin but we ran out.

Came home and did uni work 📚 as my semester started this week.

Went to our fave sushi 🍣 place for lunch. I love my wagyu beef, prawn nigiri, katsu 🤤, 🐙 had about six plates. Then checked out JB and got one of those 14 in 1 air fryers and slow cookers all of that jazz. Josh had been eyeing it off for months and my family gave him a voucher for his birthday. Cute.

Then we got bubble tea because that’s our new Saturday thing. I tried a rose green tea. Tasty.

And then I did a uni reading and napped 🥰

Josh is currently cooking up a chicken korma with basmati and naan that I am stoked for. Get in my belly.

We have leftover lemon meringue cake from the birthdays last night so will also get into that 🤭 generous servings to fuel me up!

I hope everyone had a nice week and is enjoying their weekend 🫶🏽

[getittogetherk]

September 1, 2024

The first day of September, and a Sunday.

I'm not really sure why I haven't been journaling as much. I wonder if it's because life has calmed down somewhat. i currently have no crush, no awful work drama, and no dog to foster/dogsit.

this weekend (i'll start from yesterday) has been pretty chill but also pretty productive.

saturday, i met up with lana, sov, and matt k at a pickleball court in altadena. we were awful, me especially, but we had a good time playing pickleball. afterward, matt and i got brunch at a cute spot in altadena, and i went home for a bit before heading out again for volunteering at the VBA's, half poop patrol, and half socializing.

This morning church was out of session as it's Labor Day weekend and i met up at the VBAs again, this time to join the "Happy Tails" hike, where I carried water bottles, filled doggy water bowls, and scooped up 4 large poops. it was nice to be out hiking, taking in some Burbank views, chatting with people, and seeing how happy the dogs were to be out of the kennel.

the rest of today has so far been pretty chill. I did some dishes, took out some trash and recycling, put up the new blinds and threw out the old ones, and took out some of marilyn's yard waste. i also watched some Brooklyn 99, which has been really funny and I've found myself on two separate occasions literally booming with laughter, even though i only half-watch as I play dumb games on my phone at the same time.

other things that have brought me a sense of joy/peace: listening to music i liked earlier. a newfound "discovery" and appreciation of kim gun mo. back to listening to The Read podcast and during a walk, which I haven't taken in a long time. reading. currently reading Love in the Time of Cholera and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective people alternately.

i just feel calmer, less desperate. i'm not texting grace y constantly to see how she is, in a sense, to see how "we" are. i don't go to BJ's as often to drink and stare at the waitress who i will never date or have anything to do with. i eat fewer pounds of pasta at one time, and today, i've eaten on fruit and am planning on eating another. i've also been very recently watching less Youtube, whereas before i watched for literal hours a day and would fall asleep to it, mostly the "downfalls" of celebrities, whether real or of the youtube/tiktok variety.

this friday-monday i'll be going to portland with lana, and my birthday will be later in the month. i have currently no plans but will likely get sushi with lana, and treat myself to a massage, especially as my left shoulder has been especially stiff.

things feel weird with lorena, grace y, and especially ant, and i'm just about completely estranged from grace h at this point, but it's fine. it's not pulling at me today, although it was about two days ago. i'm trying to separate myself a bit from my feelings, and trying to have it have less of an affect on me.

tomorrow is the labor day holiday. i'm supposed to take a morning walk with my mom, and then LD will come over with her dog and we'll make firestarters for camping and then hang out for a bit, as kaelynn is likely out of town, having just started a job that puts her every week in san francisco.

on occasional i also read a book about Borderline Personality disorder to learn more about it and hopefully pick up some tools to not let it control me.

things i want to look into more in lieu of endless youtube: pickleball: rules and techniques yelp: engaging enough to get 2024 elite status things to do in portland

hoping this feeling lasts.

[ocean-anchored]

November 23, 23... continued

Saturday evening I went to Grape Fest with Sasha which was also really fun. It was super busy but we had a good time & some good laughs, I enjoy her company a lot, she's a good one. Sunday I went to a new church. I was a bit nervous but I'm glad I went. A girl my age sat beside me & we ended up talking afterwards, I asked if she needed prayer & we exchanged prayer requests & numbers. Later I met up with Daniel at Courtyard for a beer & then we went for nearly a 2 hour walk. It was pretty nice, he's really genuine & intentional. We had really great conversation about life & ended up getting pretty vulnerable. He's a good guy & I'm glad to have him as a friend. Monday I ended up going to Okotoks because Ed canceled our meetings. I told Danny I forgave him which was nice, we hugged it out & its in the past. This guy Braeden works there, I know he's just a young kid but damn he's nice to look at. I went to Anneriekes for late birthday dinner & visit with J. It was good but always all about Steve. It was nice to hear the update at least but man, it's like you try to keep her at arms length but after that night she's texted me like 5 times, sent me a bunch of stuff on IG it's just a lot. I feel bad but I just got to watch myself & my time. Tuesday night I went for sushi with Kamber - finally met up with her since like 3 months ago. I really love that girl too, she's so sweet & we always have such a great time. I'm really glad to have met her & our friendiversary is coming up too in January so I need to find that out. Yesterday I essentially got off for the week since it's US thanksgiving. I had a meeting & cleaned the house etc. Zack started texting me a bunch again. I really did plan to never talk to him again, but I was worried about him again... we ended up talking, went to nose hill & just had a brief talk. I could see it in his eyes. I understand his pain. I understand how much he doesn't want to live like this. It really saddens me. I stood my ground though & my boundary was clear. He knows if he does something again that I'm blocking his number 100% & he will never hear from me again. I think he gets it but who knows. I wonder why I do this. He's my kryptonite. He's that one person that could treat me horribly & I will always come back because I fell so hard. I find him so attractive that I can't not look at him. I hate it. I hate what he does to me, how he makes me feel. But I will keep my stance & I will protect myself. I deserve more & i deserve better, I know. Then Shane came over & we played some switch games. It was nice, chill. He bought me a vegas knights toque & signed Marchessau jersey. I was beside myself.. He does too much. He's too kind. I feel like I trust him but I don't want to hurt him & I know I'm in no place to be seeing anyone anyways, nor do I even want to. He's a good friend though, really does respect my boundaries which I appreciate. Anyways - that's all for now. Im heading out for dinner at the Keg and have a massage tomorrow morning. I'm becoming happier. I'm reading more, including an audio book. I'm spending more time on myself & my self care. Spending more time with nova going out, eating cleaner & have been exercising & working out a lot more, been essentially every day for just over a week now so I'm feeling pretty good again.

[now-we-say-c0ral]

July 16, 2023

He tried to talk to me but I wouldn't say more than 5 words to him. I kind of hate him? I just went to the gym today and played some games. I lazily spent the day doing nothing. He knew better to be in the same room as me so he was in the living room most of the time. I also know I couldn't let this go on forever. I still cooked lunch for us for tomorrow even though I'm mad. I'll talk to him tomorrow before we sleep.

July 15, 2023

Had a good night's sleep last night. This was the day that Eddie and I were supposed to have our movie date. It was supposed to be tomorrow but he has a stag do tonight and I'd imagine that he's going to come home at 4am in the morning and would be so drunk and couldn't really be fun at Sunday so we moved it to today. We had some of the Silvanas that was delivered yesterday which didn't taste like the actual thing but it wasn't so sweet that you'd eat like 4 in a row.

We arrived in Stratford at around 12pm and couldn't find a decent sushi place to chow so we ended up eating at Itsu. I had some sushi and he had some teriyaki chicken which were both good. We then bought some tickets to Insidious. He wasn't the kind to watch scary movies but since I wanted to watch it, he said yes even though he was scared. The movie was very scary. I screamed like three times in the cinema while people were just clenching their teeth trying not to shout. We then headed to the shops to find some clothes on sale. I didn't buy one but Eddie did.

While on the tube home I realized that we didn't have a single picture to remember this day. I told him that I was sad about it and he told me that it wasn't that special and we didn't really need to take a picture. I was taken aback by this. I wanted to hear, "That's fine, we could take some pictures on our next date." but instead he said what he said.

I went home mad and upset because he would take pictures with his friends even when they'd just go out and eat dinner which was nothing special too but with me he wouldn't? I realized that in our 7 months of dating it's always me who was always trying to have the both of us look forward to something, always the planner and always the one inviting him and not twice did I remember his doing this while when Farrah, his friend, will be having her birthday in Turkey this September, he was the one planning the getaway. I didn't have him plan something for me to look forward to except for that whole Turkey trip but he's going out of his way for his friend but I never got that from him. I was so furious when I realized this.

I was too upset with him to even talk to him. I spoiled the date but I'm thankful that I realized this. He will not like what I'm going to be saying to him the coming days. For now, I'll let my mood boil down first.

July 14, 2023

I was assigned today in orthopaedics with Ieron, Rosie, and Chelsea. Rose was supposed to be with me during the operation that I was going to do but my manager, Elli, just told her to watch over me and only interfere if I needed help. I told her that I'll just call her when I don't know what to do. I finished the operation and Rosie was very happy with my output. She was even shocked that the consultant who had a difficult demeanor thanked me after the operation. She even mentioned in the debrief that the new scrub nurses were very good and the team made a good effort together and she even mentioned my performance to my manager. I was so happy today to be able to do something good when I thought that I couldn't. Me and Eddie also went to gym together and ate at Kitchen 37. It was good. We also bought the KBL beans he wanted so he could make some KBL.

July 13, 2023

I was assigned today in Cardiac doing God knows what. I was just there to fill-in the staffing so that it appears that they have enough people doing the list but I am not trained to scrub or to circulate in any of the listed cases and there was a transplant plotted for the day. I felt useless because I have no idea what to do and I was just there as a bystander. They're all busy and I wanted to help but I don't know how and I didn't want to slow them down by showing me what to do. It was such a weird feeling but seeing the heart through the chest is such an experience. I would want to be trained to do the case but not be assigned in Cardiac because it just demands so much of your time, apparently. Went to the gym after.

July 12, 2023

I seriously cannot remember what happened. Gym, I guess?

July 11, 2023

I was off today. Played Pokemon Unite, Diablo, talked to Danica and my family, and went to the gym. I can't remember the rest of the day.

July 10, 2023

I was so stoked to work today but that proved to be wrong when I got to work. It's rather a weird time to work during the junior doctor strike because there are less cases that no junior doctors are assisting the consultants do surgeries but also surgeries are still happening. It's not that safe, if you ask me.

I was thinking that I'll be working in orthopaedics but I was assigned in emergency with Ate Elizabeth, Ieron, Katie and Rosie who's on a late shift. The one leading the list while Rosie was still not in the unit was ate Elizabeth. There were around 3 cases listed in the morning. A laparoscopic case, an LP, and suddenly a bronchoscopy. I had no experience in the two cases apart from the laparoscopy. We ended the shift doing most of the cases except the laparoscopy because the patient has had a scan prior and the result didn't define the need for surgery but having junior nurses and a supernumerary run the emergency list and the band 6 not coming until 10am is very unsafe. The next time that this'll happen I'll definitely not be happy enough that I'm going to say something about it. No gym today.