#( and also not act like people who want to avoid that like they’re lesser fans )

[blossomhcir]

// I feel the need to specify something even though I’m not as active as I would like to be: (tw for mentions of incest)

There is a huge difference between writing taboo themes and gleefully romanticizing those themes. The fact that incest exists in asoaif is not a shield you can hide behind to write incest smut and ship siblings. I do not have any objections to mentions of incest or exploring how incest impact characters or functions as a theme in asoiaf. Clearly that is not a boundary that prevents me from engaging with the work. My boundary is when writers use the existence of those themes to fetishize and enjoy incest content then act snuggly superior that I do not want to engage in said content. I’m sorry I think that topics like incest require thoughtful, nuanced handling and prefer to be conscious of how these sensitive topics are approached.

Engaging with the source material accurately means acknowledging the damage incest, grooming, and the patriarchy does to characters and the overall narrative. Engaging with the material means understanding the themes GRRM is presenting you with to actively make you think critically about the world he’s created. If you read asoiaf and blindly accept the institutions and cultural norms presented as infallible and correct, then your reading is incomplete. If you think that accurately engaging with the source material means that you can write about incest with glee and revel in siblings railing each other, you’re the one missing the point. And frankly, I don’t care to be condescended to by people who can’t understand that the existence of a taboo topic in a work is not the same as license not think critically about said taboo.

[autisticandroids]

what do you think of wincest? you seem pretty pro ship

my opinion of wincest is as follows:

- personally, i dislike it. i think it’s gross and don’t want to see it, because incest squicks me out like it does most people. there are actually parts of spn, especially the early seasons, which i find difficult to watch because the incest subtext is so strong. this is one of the reasons i’m not as big a fan of 1-3: just HUGE amounts of incest subtext. like, it’s yucky to me. even 4-5 have it, though not as much since cas and to a lesser extent ruby are there to like, break up the pair, which is a real relief. it calms down significantly in the later seasons, though it still pops up occasionally in an unpleasant way. this is why you cannot base your show on the xfiles and then make your two main characters related.

- theoretically, i don’t think there’s anything wrong with finding a fictional dynamic compelling. hell, the writers of supernatural sure seem to find it compelling! the subtext is unbearable, and imo, there’s a reasonable argument to be made that the winchester brothers’ relationship is textually emotionally incestuous, which is like. yeah add that on the pile of ways that their dynamic is abusive and toxic. 

and more specifically, i find it hysterical when destiel shippers get on their moral high horse about ethics in shipping. like, my friends, destiel is perhaps the glassest house there is when it comes to ethics in shipping. in ANY OTHER FANDOM we would be the problematic pairing that only freaks ship. it’s just that supernatural has so much incest subtext that the non-incest ship gets to be the unproblematic one by default. like destiel is a comparatively healthy fish in an unbelievably toxic pond. in any other pond destiel would be the toxic fish.

- practically, i dislike wincest shippers because they are mostly assholes. i’m sure there’s a few okay ones, but on the whole they tend to suck. this is true for several reasons.

supernatural has a large conservative fandom, including conservative transformative fans. like, specifically, the show is very appealing to homophobes because of like. the way that it is. you know. so wincest appeals specifically to homophobic fans for whom the incest taboo and the gay taboo are of about equal strength - they see being gay as so immoral that you might as well be fucking your sibling. this is i think why wincest shippers tend to be conservative, and it’s DEFINITELY part of the reason why it’s so common to find wincest shippers who also insist that dean is straight. my friend hannah has some things to say on this topic here.

if i was a samgirl i would wake up every single day mad about wincest and go to sleep every single day mad about wincest, because it must be INESCAPABLE in sam content. like, most fandom content is tied to ships in some manner, and the biggest ship for sam is wincest. and that has gotta suck.

related to my last point, in order for a “ship and let ship” mindset to be reasonable, the objectionable content in question must be made easy to avoid. and wincest isn’t, it’s everywhere. it’s easier these days because there are fewer wincest shippers, but back in the day it was just constant. and even now, like. the other day somebody wrote a destiel fic on my destiel post, but it was destiel and implies wincest. on my destiel and only destiel post. like, that’s like putting rape porn on someone else’s post about sex. like, i think it’s important that people be allowed to write rape porn, because if they’re not allowed to write rape porn, they’ll do it anyway (rape fantasy is one of the five most common sexual fantasies among women, iirc) but since they’re not allowed to write it, they’ll 1) not warn for it and 2) come up with justifications as to why it’s not really rape. which are both worse than just acknowledging it and slapping warnings on it. but you shouldn’t basically send people rape porn unprompted, that’s what they call a dick move. like that crosses a line. in the case of the person who put wincest on my post, i messaged her about it and she apologized and explained that she hadn’t participated in fandom in ten years, and had only gotten back in after the destiel confession, which is like. that’s reasonable. social etiquette re:wincest is different now. but there are plenty of wincest shippers who DON’T have that excuse and who make themselves inescapable anyway.

to quote my friend hannah again, “my grand unified theory is that whatever it is that makes wincest shippers act like That is also shared by jaime/cersei shippers. it’s the narcissistic, misanthropic fantasy of a tiny closed world containing only two siblings who don’t need or care about anyone else and have absolutely no boundaries with each other”

there is a real serious difference between liking wincest in 2005 and liking it in 2021. destiel is such a juggernaut, and fandom culture has changed so much in regards to “problematic” content, that anyone who is still a wincest shipper in 2021 is either 1) just a complete stubborn asshole or 2) living in a fandom time capsule, and both of those things are not necessarily inherently bad, but (1) can lead to just having a rather unpleasant personality, and (2) can lead to being surrounded by levels of homophobia, misogyny, and racism that aren’t usually tolerated by modern fandom

anyway. i’m not “pro-ship” because calling yourself a proshipper or an antishipper is an annoying habit for whiny babies and i refuse to participate.

[inmyarmswrappedin]

How does SKAM build a LI?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and even gave speeches to my long suffering friends about the topic. Now that we know what happened to Josh to make him the way he is, I feel like I can finally post about the way SKAM built love interest characters. 

When it’s good, SKAM is a very tightly written show because every clip, and every storyline, advances the themes that make the main character vulnerable. I would call this their “shame” but DRUCK fans don’t like that term because the show is called “pressure” and not “shame”. In the end, whether a character’s issues are internal (”shame”) or external (”pressure”) is irrelevant to what I want to talk about, so let’s just call those themes a character’s vulnerability, shall we? 

How does SKAM make every storyline relate to the themes of the season and what makes a character vulnerable? Well, one way it does that is to make the love interest the personification of a character’s fears and issues.

To wit: In season 1, Eva is called out on having no opinions of their own. If you read @skamenglishsubs‘ culture and context posts, they have listed every instance in which this theme is portrayed by having Eva follow someone else’s opinion (I recommend you do this, because there are way more instances than I picked up on!). So, who is Jonas? Jonas is an extremely opinionated person who feels he’s not a follower at all. 

In season 2, Noora is afraid of opening herself to a boyfriend, both emotionally and sexually, because when she was 13 she had sex with a guy she thought she was in love with, who then dumped her as that was all he was interested in. Who is William? William is the school’s fuckboy who dumps girls after having sex with them, and doesn’t seem to care about the girls’ feelings, but rather is just interested in them advertising his sexual prowess via hoodies. 

In season 3, Isak’s strained relationship with his mom makes him believe that it’s impossible to have a functional relationship with a person who has a mental illness, because they’re not in touch with reality. Even has bipolar disorder.

And then, in possibly one of the most simplistic ways to perceive one’s own character, in season 4, Sana is a hijabi out to prove she can do everything a ~normal Norwegian party girl~ can do. Yousef is... not a Muslim, lol. (Note that the Yousef storyline was not originally planned by Julie Andem, and in fact came about because of feedback she received from Muslim fans that they wanted Sana to have a LI. Sana’s main storyline isn’t so much about her religion, but rather her furious desire to prove the haters wrong.)

In general, most of the SKAM remakes have not tried to reinvent the wheel, and have more or less stuck to these character profiles in order to build their own seasons. Most of the changes remake stans will point to when they talk about a remake season don’t really qualify as changes (under this definition) because they don’t change the conflict between the main and the LI. 

I was pretty interested in whether the remakes had picked up on this way to build a LI, and most particularly, how the remakes that have done original seasons built their LIs. Thoughts on these after the read more.

Out of all the seasons that remade SKAM’s four seasons, I would say there are only four that didn’t stick to the character profiles as outlined above. In my opinion, it’s these seasons:

Eva’s season in SKAM España changes this because Jorge is never set up as an opinionated person. He’s a good guy, for sure, a good friend to his friends like most Jonases, but you will never catch Jorge acting like his opinions are better than Eva’s. He never calls Eva out on not having opinions of her own. Their break up scene doesn’t deal with this, and most importantly, Eva could never get the upper hand in that last conversation like the other Evas have, because Jorge is the only Jonas to kiss Eva first.

Matteo’s season in DRUCK changes this because while Matteo is afraid that his mom won’t react well if he comes out to her, we have no idea what he thinks about having relationships with people with a mental illness, as a general rule. We don’t know because David doesn’t have a MI (that we know of). He is trans, and DRUCK wisely avoided making David’s gender identity the personification of Matteo’s issues (gvgvvh imagine how shit that would’ve been!!). Matteo and David’s major conflict is that Matteo has abandonment issues and David a tendency to peace out when things get hot.

Cris’ season in SKAM España changes this because Cris’ mom doesn’t have a mental illness. In fact, Cris doesn’t know much about MI in general. While Cris does have some internalized ableism, it comes from ignorance and buying into societal prejudices against MI, rather than personal experience. Cris’ vulnerability isn’t her ideas about MI. Her issue is that she has bought into the idea that she’s an unintelligent party girl who can’t ever be responsible or dependable.

Nora’s season in SKAM España both keeps and changes the conflicts as presented in SKAM. Nora fails to trust Alejandro because he’s a fuckboy who would have sex with girls and then mock them for getting their hopes up. But, unlike Noora, Nora’s issue is that her lack of trust in Alejandro throws her into the arms of the seemingly ideal boyfriend despite the red flags, whereas Noora’s lack of trust in William made her withhold sex. 

As you can see, all Sana seasons so far (Amira N.’s included) have kept the original conflict by having a non Muslim Yousef. Under this definition, Martino’s season in SKAM Italia isn’t a subversion, because while he does live with his mom, he doesn’t think he can have a functional relationship with her. Aside from Eva Vázquez, all of the Evas kissed their Jonas first. However, I should note that while SKAM Austin kept the Eva/Jonas conflict, they’re the only other SKAM that doesn’t open with Jonas’ essay. (Which I chalk up to facebook not wanting their show to open with a blatantly anti-capitalist speech lmao.) 

Now, how did the remakes with original seasons build their LIs?

Arthur’s season in SKAM France is an interesting example, because Baguettes picked up on the LI personifying the main’s vulnerability. If Arthur is vulnerable about his (lack of) hearing, Noée embraces it, takes pride on it and bases her identify around it. So far, this is exactly how SKAM/Julie Andem built her LIs. However, Arthur rejects Noée and mocks her language. Noée disappears after s5. Alexia has no hearing issues, or any disability.

Lola’s season in SKAM France similarly picks up on the concept. Since Lola is an addict, Maya’s father was one as well. However, this conflict isn’t really explored amidst the thousand other ideas that were thrown at the wall during this season. It’s fair to say Lola and Maya’s clips don’t develop the theme of addiction throughout the season. Unless you want to count Maya telling Lola that Lola is Maya’s addiction, I suppose. 

Kato’s season in wtFOCK (oh yes I’m going there) could be said to have picked up on the concept, although not in any real elegant way. Because of fan feedback for Moyo to get a season (which they declined to do for super valid reasons I’m sure), the team decided to have Moyo be the LI and worked backwards to build the main. It is similar to how SKAM approached Sana’s LI.  Moyo is a black guy, so Kato would be a racist! Genius!

Given these precedents, I was really curious what Nora’s season in DRUCK would do with their first 100% original love interest (so, not counting David). If they decided to go with SKAM’s standard way of building a LI, there were several possibilities. Nora’s mom has addiction issues, and this is a vulnerability of Nora’s. Would that mean that Josh would have substance issues? Or maybe his dad? His mom? Nora has a mental illness. Would that mean Josh would have issues around mental illness or therapy? Would he maybe have a mental illness himself? Nora was set up from the start as a liar. Would Josh be honest to a fault? And so on. 

In the end, it seems like DRUCK has taken the same approach they did with David. That is, Nora doesn’t have to accept something about Josh that she has preconceived ideas about (Noora, Isak, Sana), neither are Josh and Nora extremes in one character trait (Eva and Jonas). With this clip, it appears that their conflict is that Nora has a problem sharing her vulnerabilities (reminder: she didn’t come clean in English class out of a desire to be vulnerable, but to prove a point) and Josh has abandonment issues that make him prefer to try to change a person or even be hurt, rather than be left behind. 

DRUCK’s approach to building a LI in s5 (and probably beyond) might end up making the season less cohesive than SKAM seasons were. On the other hand, you can argue that the way SKAM built LIs could end up being too predictable (Isak is afraid of MI so Even has a MI, Sana is a Muslim so Yousef isn’t, Noora is afraid of being used for sex so William uses girls for sex, etc) and perhaps lowkey reductionist. And that’s without getting into the issues of making a character’s mental illness, religion, gender identity, sexuality, ethnicity or race, etc... the source of another character’s vulnerability (or “shame” or “pressure” if you will). This is particularly clear in the hands of lesser writers, as seen on wtFOCK and SKAM France. 

I will also get yelled at by @dusuessekartoffel if I fail to acknowledge that DRUCK is now doing original seasons and, though based on SKAM, should therefore become its own thing, develop LIs how they will, without taking SKAM as a model for anything. Iiiiii... think that DRUCK still owes a lot to SKAM even in this generation, and I kind of feel like the way SKAM built LIs is like the real time aspect of SKAM, something that is embedded into the very concept of the show and not something you can just discard when you buy the adaptation rights, but this is certainly up for debate.  

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: The Anime (pt. 5)

The anime is a different species than the manga, something that frequently happens during the adaptation from page to screen. Since they’re so different, I’ll analyze them separately.

In the previous section, we discussed how a new element has joined the story: Ruka and Natsume's growing tensions and jealousy over liking the same girl, and the effect it could have on their friendship. This is done a little differently in the anime, and in this part, I'll discuss the ramifications for Natsume's feelings and the consequences it has on his friendship with Ruka as well as the approval of Persona. There is also an equally important aspect of Mikan's feelings, frequently neglected in a narrative sense, and how they are growing stronger for Natsume as well.

Episode 20 vs. Chapter 25 & 26

This carries onto episode twenty, the Dance episode. This episode combines two chapters to accommodate length. In general, the anime doesn’t really explore what it means for Natsume to be a principal student, like sitting on stage with the other principals. There’s a lot unsaid here that is more important in the manga.

Even more, the last episode tied up some loose ends, or at least attempted to, in regards to the tension of the musical. In the manga, those tensions are still an open wound that nobody in the love triangle wants to touch. The anime still has some of them, but to a much lesser extent. They’ve made up and had fun between then and now.

And Mikan is completely uninterested in the Last Dance, seemingly, but spends a lot of time wondering about why others care about it, almost as if she wants to care so she can fit in. Anna and Nonoko have their crushes, the fan club girls are as obsessed with Natsume and Ruka as ever, and even Hotaru has a horde of admirers, even if she’s uninterested in them. Mikan feels left out, just like she always does, just for the sake of being different.

(One of my favorite tropes is when Person A is talking about their love life or lack thereof and the next person that shows up next just so happens to be their soulmate.)

The tensions between Natsume, Ruka, and Mikan are focus in the manga. In the anime, they’re watered down. Mikan is interested in dancing with both of them, unlike in the manga, where she desperately wants to avoid them. Mikan is more oblivious in the anime than in the manga, as a result. Manga!Mikan can feel the tension, and knows things are different now, because they’re weird! She’s a very intuitive and emotional girl and she can sense shifts and changes better than anyone. In the anime, she’s not as uncomfortable; she just wants to have a good time with her friends.

Interestingly, even though it was Ruka he pushed, it’s Mikan who’s watching him leave in the frame…

Just like in the manga, Natsume literally pushes Ruka into dancing with Mikan and they have a lot of fun dancing together before Mikan starts dancing with others. Hotaru’s “blessing” (or whatever that scene is) is a lot more obvious in the anime, with her actually requesting a “Mikan cake”, and neglecting some of the demanding, blackmailing atmosphere of the chapter. In the anime, Mikan actually seeks out Natsume and asks him to dance. In the manga, she is upset with him, but in the anime Mikan doesn’t hold grudges. She’s not tense at all and is willing to be the one to break the coldness between them. He naturally responds in the negative and insults her and they fight again, culminating in the infamous “Mikan” and “don’t care about what I call you anymore; that’s my last wish.”

Natsume: *says 2 syllables* // Mikan: *falls in love with him*

Even the anime has to concede that Natsume won with that one, lol.

Anyway, the anime also includes Ruka meeting up with Natsume and them fighting over who’d get Mikan (“You can have her, bro.” “No, bro, she likes you.” “No, bro--”), even though it’s not their decision. Even if they somehow decided Ruka would win, or Natsume would win, it’s ultimately up to Mikan to figure out who she has feelings for.

And award for best friendship in the history of all media ever goes to--

This is where the tension from the previous episode takes center stage. There’s discord and insecurity here, but not any real malice or resentment. They’re just boys and this is the first girl either of them has ever liked, and it just so happens to be the same girl. They’re best friends and they love each other, but this is a complication neither of them anticipated. Naturally, they don’t know how to communicate it, but they both know how the other feels anyway because they know each other so well they don’t need to be told. They fight that Mikan will pick the other for the Last Dance and then a very cute moment follows when Hotaru reveals she picked Mikan for the Last Dance and both of the boys start laughing. It ends, focusing on Hotaru and Mikan’s friendship and Natsume and Ruka’s friendship. They’re kids after all, and should be focusing on having fun and being children whenever they have the chance. Romance and complicated love triangles can wait. I really like this addition.

Episode 21 vs. Chapter 27

Just like in the manga, Natsume is bad at sticking to his word and he still engages with Mikan in the next episode. He still helps others with studying because of her example, and goes along with the whole class in study mode, even if he is half-assing the actual exams.

Mikan and Sumire have a plot element added, to supplement their new friendship from the Reo Arc. Sumire can’t cook and has given up on exams. Even though Mikan desperately wants the honor student award so she can see her grandpa, she sacrifices her study time to spend the whole night helping Sumire with cooking, even though she herself isn’t so talented either. This further helps showcase that Mikan is helpful, and that she is willing to sacrifice what she wants so that other people can have happiness too. Just like she was willing to leave the school she fought so hard to keep open so she can see her best friend in the first episode, she’s willing to wait a little more to see Jii-chan if it means she can help Sumire.

“Nice girlfriend you have there. Sure would be a shame if something happened to her.”

However, despite all the sweetness of Mikan’s plot, someone is watching Natsume interact with the group and more specifically with Mikan (though in the anime, it’s Persona, not the ESP), and Natsume gets warned by Persona to stay away from Mikan.

Episode 22 & Chapter 28

He does just that in the next episode, staying away from and (as a result) bothering Mikan.

We are introduced to Kaname, Tsubasa’s sickly friend who has the life-shortening alice. He uses his alice anyway, because he likes making people happy, even if it comes at a cost. After all, he grew up lonely until he made Bear, so he wants others to not feel lonely.

But Kaname isn’t the only one with the life-shortening alice. Mikan is so distressed about her revelations that she acts out a little during her chores, hitting Natsume with her duster. He simply walks away, doing as he is told to keep her safe, because that dream he had in the Reo Arc is still relevant and because Persona’s warnings are fresh in his mind. Hanging out with her is bad for both of them. Mikan doesn’t know any of this, but thoughts about poisonous alices are all she can think about, and as he walks away from her, it occurs to her that he might be suffering just like Kaname. But whereas Kaname chooses to use his alice to make others happy, Natsume has no such choice. He is forced to use it, and his life is much shorter as a result.

Sadly, once Mikan starts really liking Natsume, he's always walking away from her.

In the manga, we do get a glance of Natsume’s suffering and reliance on pain meds to get through the night, but it’s a bit different in the anime. We see him lying on his bed, struggling with the pain. But why night? The truth is that Natsume feels like that almost all the time. It’s only when he’s alone in his room that he can be honest and really let himself feel it. He doesn’t have to hide it for someone else’s sake, or to give off the impression that he is totally fine.

Summary

In this section, we discussed the consequences for Natsume's growing feelings for Mikan, and the added complication that Ruka likes her too, as well as the fact that Mikan is starting to develop feelings for Natsume as well. His illness and status as child soldier are sadly all too present, and Natsume is paralleled with Kaname in Episode 22 and then is paralleled with the mistreated lion in the circus arc, which is what I'll be discussing next, in the final part of the anime analysis.

<- Previous Part Next Part ->

[ohblackdiamond]

liner notes/unused joke summaries for kiss fics (part iv)

Despite what my general dislike of the shift key and my tendency to mock all that I love might imply, I actually overthink everything I write to a great extent. I make no claims to these explanations being in any way enjoyable, but if you wanted to know what I was thinking while writing KISS fic… now you do. Part one can be found here. Part two is here. Part three is here. 

little t&a --If Paul had boobs, they would be big and Gene would want to grab them.

>>Title from a Rolling Stones song of the same name; most of the chapter titles are from another Stones song, “The Spider and the Fly.” I started it during quarantine as a means to occupy myself and destress, and didn’t initially plan on posting it at all. Once I’d written five chapters without having posted it or mentioned it to anyone, I figured, well, I guess this might as well go somewhere, so I put it up. I had the hope that it’d give me something to strive for during the stress of lockdown, and I’d assumed that I wouldn’t ever have that much time to devote to a story again.

There were a couple of things that really inspired me. I’ve always enjoyed sexswaps as a bit of a guilty pleasure, but wanted to do a different take on them-- there’s this tendency for sexswaps to either be wacky hijinks or an excuse to write particularly brutal noncon. There’s also a tendency for the sexswapped character to almost automatically start adopting stereotypically feminine traits he didn’t have prior, with no real reason for it. I wanted to try and avoid all that as much as possible.

... There’s also another tendency for the sexswapped character never getting back to normal, and I wanted to avoid that, too. I mean, c’mon, KISS is supposed to start the Love Gun tour a month after the fic. Paul can’t exactly pull the trigger of a love taco. (Maybe gently brush it a bit...)

I had Paul already cursed for five days at the start of the fic because I thought it would make things easier and allow the plot to advance more quickly. I also felt like it would give him more autonomy-- prior to Gene showing up, he has tried (albeit in small ways) to get a handle on what’s happened to him, and while he’s hermited it up, he hasn’t given up. Autonomy in general was pretty important for me re: Paul. (Incidentally, probably one of my favorite things about this fic is that Paul’s made that poor twelve-year-old kid on his bike buy him sanitary napkins.)

I wanted to explore a couple of other things, too, mostly rock and roll’s (and KISS��� in particular) pretty heinous treatment of women. Gene and Paul argue in the eighties that groupies know the score from the beginning, and even postulates that those relationships are more “honest” than just taking a girl out to dinner. They’re not alone in this (and, of course, as married men, these days they try not to discuss those times at all); almost every band/artist from around that time period will give you the same answer. “The girls know what they’re doing.” I think many of them did know. I also think many of them came into those hotel rooms expecting a lot more than they ever received, and I think plenty of girls ended up at the very least disappointed by their encounters, if not humiliated or worse.

I don’t know if this was successful, but I also wanted to at least try to poke a few holes in celebrity/idol worship as well. Carol’s scathing comments to Paul-- “they [fans] think there’s something you’ve got that they can get at, but there’s not” pretty heavily exemplify behavior I’ve seen at conventions, fan meet-ups, etc. At the end of the day, well, there’s no point in putting them on much of a pedestal. I dunno. I’ve seen some weird crap in the name of fan worship, in and outside of RPS. Keith Richards talks about it in his book-- girls urinating on themselves out of sheer nerves/excitement just at seeing the band, etc., which, while disturbing, had to have given them a sense of being something beyond ordinary (and act accordingly, of course).

I don’t know. I like them a lot, but I can’t hero-worship these guys; they don’t live in the real world. They’re not, ultimately, relatable or accessible despite the billions of photos, the twitter posts, the meet and greets-- any more than they were 40-odd years ago. I think there can be a real danger in thinking they are. I wanted to show that, too, but again, I don’t know if it came across properly.

One of the aspects I really struggled with was getting a good handle on Paul’s innately slippery sense of identity without it overtaking the story entirely. Gene’s very stable identity was a good foil, and it helped that most of “t&a” is from his point of view, rather than Paul’s.

Another place I faltered with was Paul’s outing alone at CBGB. The first draft had the guy in the club slip quaaludes into his drink, but I really didn’t like that at all and felt it took too much control away from Paul/punished him for going out on his own. I thought it’d be more interesting if Paul deliberately took what he knew was a dangerous combination (alcohol + quaaludes) in the hopes that would make him feel better about sleeping with someone he didn’t care about.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, having him do that (and the way the scene with the guy at the club ends) also meant that I couldn’t have him hop right into bed with Gene that night, either, so that accounts for some of the delaying. I was also really wanting to make sure in general that when Gene and Paul finally did go all the way, there wasn’t any feeling of being coerced or pressured. Not that Gene would do either of those things, but I didn’t want him or Paul to be doing it out of any feeling of obligation or hurry; I wanted it to be as natural as possible, under the circumstances. And I wanted, again, Paul’s dubious sense of self and Gene’s ambiguous feelings about Paul(’s boobs) to come into play-- yes, Paul, now you, too, can take Gene on the amazing technicolor dreamdate you’ve been fantasizing about for the last seven years! Or, you know, not. Overall, there are some pacing issues and the story slows down considerably after Gene takes Paul home from CBGB, but I like to hope that most of the scenes add something.

There were a couple of secondary plotlines that got scrapped because I couldn’t get them to fit well enough with the narrative. One of them was Paul’s very troubled relationship with his sister, Julia. There’s a fair amount of references to her scattered throughout, and Paul brings her up on several occasions, generally without much provocation, and generally at mildly odd moments (at Central Park and immediately after getting drawn by Gene being the standouts). There was an initial draft of the chapter in which Ace calls Paul, where Julia’s the one calling Paul instead (after having gotten his number from their parents). I wanted to at least get the start of a reconciliation going between them. Ultimately I scrapped it because I couldn’t get it to flow with the main plot and never felt like I’d ever explored it thoroughly enough for it to be worth a detour.

The comparison between Paul and Carol is pretty blatantly obvious, even in the narrative. Paul and Gene both recognize it (Gene, initially, when he notes that Carol doesn’t seem to belong at 54 any more than Paul does), and it makes them highly uncomfortable. (Mary-Anne, Carol’s friend, also notices it-- “she [Paul] reminds me of Carol. Just pitiful.”) They’re both very shy, insecure people that have thrust themselves into a world they’re not naturally suited for (show business) in order to achieve their own ends. They’ve both put great stock in a single person who helped them (inadvertently or not) during a dark time, and are driven by those feelings, despite knowing that person is out of reach.

Physically, they’re intentionally mostly opposite (Carol’s short, with a slight build, lighter hair, blue eyes, vs. Paul being, well, Paul-- tall, fuller build, black hair, brown eyes). But narratively speaking, neither of them are described as beautiful; “cute” and “kind of pretty,” sure, but nothing past that (except when Gene says it towards the end). That was important, too, for a couple of reasons. One, I wanted to further the comparison between them; two, I wanted to at least try and dispel the idea that all groupies were glamorous; many of them were rather ordinary-looking.

Paul not being “playboy material as a girl” was very deliberate. I feel like a lot of sexswaps tend to make the guy in question end up a ridiculously hot babe, which didn’t quite jive with what I was going for (not that I wanted Paul to end up awful-looking, but...). ... He’s probably hotter than he thinks he is though; at least, Gene didn’t mind at all, and Pete thought he was pretty. I wanted him to be recognizable if one knew where to look (face, body language). I didn’t want him to end up a tiny, frail-looking waif-- given what he looks like as a dude, that didn’t make sense to me. So this meant the less perfect attributes had to stay and carry over to a female body. He ended up with big boobs because... well, honestly because if he wasn’t going to end up with a great figure overall, he might as well have great boobs. And I mean, really, his chest’s already pretty all right as-is.

I didn’t want there to be a love triangle, but I did want it obvious, at least in an offhand way, that Peter and Paul had had sex (Ace mentions it in the car with Peter, with his “how long did it take you”). I wanted to incorporate Ace and Peter to as great an extent as possible in general.

Marbas is an actual demon from The Lesser Key of Solomon, although other than the few sentences Paul reads off from that grimoire, there’s not much more information on him to be found. 

[gayregis]

wacky and definitely incorrect idea but,,,they killed off renfri in TWN because she'd take one look at duny and be like "ok thats a predator" (pavetta is 15?!?!)and unlike Netflix!geralt (who's very busy being mean and grunting and not talking to anyone)she'd actually get rid of him(Throw HIM off a ship, etc) before he had the opportunity to plot pavetta's murder an creepily gaze at ciri/ciri's potential for immense power

netflix nerfed themselves by controversially introducing a clear protagonist (Renfri) who's interesting and likeable and complex with a strong definable goal (revenge) and then immediately killing her off in favor of following the static antagonist (Netflix!Geralt) for the rest of the season. like interesting stylistic choice! I especially liked how they had him carry around her broach like a trophy!!! Totally not creepy to take something from the 18 yr old he could have avoided killing

uhhhhh i understand this take coming from solely the netflix show and seeing the witcher as a continuous story that’s like a bunch of episodes that fade into one another, but yeah, its a “wacky and definitely incorrect idea.” 

renfri continuing to be a character in the rest of the series wouldn’t make sense for a number of reasons. to begin with, she is confined to her own story. understand that these are short stories that are meant to stand on their own to each have certain messages. the lesser evil and a question of price are different stories and renfri belongs to the lesser evil because to kill her was “the lesser evil.” she isn’t meant to be a character outside of this story because the short stories aren’t really meant to overlap. they each have their own specific cast of characters, setting(s), plot, and morals that define them. i think the best way to think of them are like fables or folk tales. if snow white suddenly showed up in another fairy tale, that wouldn’t make any sense. i’d be like, get out of here, this isn’t your story!

not to say that it wouldn’t be cool, i mean, i definitely think it would be cool if princess adda and vereena teamed up and kicked geralt’s ass back to kaedwen, but that would defeat the entire message of both of their stories.

in addition, i think you are misunderstanding renfri’s character (but this is just my opinion and interpretation of the lesser evil). renfri and stregobor are both bad people, they are both evil that geralt is forced to decide between. i see way too many netflix fans saying renfi is cool/hot/sexy/a good character solely because she is a woman that fights with a sword and kills people, when in the witcher there are many women that fight with swords and kill people and the fact that they are woman is not really something the witcher ever focuses on. i don’t think sapkowski thought of making “strong female characters” to impress an audience like lauren hissrich did, he wasn’t trying to appeal to a diverse demographic by having more diverse characters. thus, it’s not really any better when a woman has a sword than when a man has a sword in the witcher. 

the sword is a burden. the sword kills, the sword is merciless. causing death with no feeling and no remorse is a bad thing, it is so horrific to geralt that it literally drove him to part with his daughter which he loved and adored and wanted desperately to raise, it drove him away from her because he was terrified that he would give this burden to her and thrust death and killing upon her. this is the message of the witcher, that to cause death is horrible. geralt was born into a profession that kills, he was raised and trained to kill, and he abhors this about himself, he loathes himself so viciously it annoys the absolute fuck out of anyone he’s around and they end up arguing with him that he needs to stop focusing on the fact that he’s a witcher and think about himself for himself. the fact of the matter is that 

a woman with a sword killing people isn’t a revolutionary thing in the context of the witcher, it’s not intended to be a feminist statement or a “cool” or good thing to admire. in other pieces of media, it might be because that’s their messaging, but in the witcher, the gender of the swordwielder doesn’t matter, it’s about how they wield the sword. there are certainly badass women in the witcher that are cool and easily idealized and seen as role models because of how cool and powerful they are, but you have to understand why they are powerful. renfri has turned to banditry because she was scorned from her royal inheritance, she feels cheated by fate. she is hateful towards her past and has no reason to adhere to peace, she is blinded by revenge. 

revenge is a very powerful and encompassing theme of the witcher. renfri is only one taste of it. revenge consumes another princess that later picks up the sword and turns to banditry out of desperation for something to rely upon and the feeling that she has been cheated by fate. she kills blindly because she is in pain. this is tragedy. this is sadness, cutting down innocents out of one’s own vicious pain is not an act to admire.

but on TV, “a girl has a sword” is such an incredibly revolutionary statement because everyone is starved for such a thing that they all become immediately thirsty to see more of this girl, more of her actions, even when she is not meant to be an ideal, not meant to be seen as something to emulate.

i think of the scene in baptism of fire when the rats arrive and begin to kill mercilessly, ciri runs men down. she ends up sparing one of the men, who saw such hatred and fury and pain in her eyes. when he returns home, he finds his own daughter trying to dress up like ciri, wearing her mother’s scarf tied around her neck and a stick tied to her back like a sword, because she thinks ciri falka and the rest of the rats are powerful and beautiful and wants to be like them, even when the girl she is dressed up as came a hair’s width close to slaying her father mercilessly in the street.

renfri is not a protagonist by any means. she is literally the antagonist of her own story. she’s a tragic character, her life was lost long before she gave geralt her ultimatum. 

i think what is important to keep in mind here is that these were meant to be adaptations of books. books that were published 30 years ago. if lauren hissrich and the rest of the team had done their jobs correctly and successfully, they would have abided by what was written and not written their own fanfiction which detracted massively from the themes and meaning of what was written. i understand that you dislike netflix geralt (who doesn’t?) but had they actually stuck to the books which they were meant to be adapting, you would likely like him. he doesn’t waste his time grunting instead of speaking. but netflix didn’t “nerf themselves” by killing off renfri... that’s literally what happens in the books that they are adapting, and in the books it happens for a clearer reason driven by themes and messages that the story conveys to you (not just flashy gore).

i also understand wanting to kill duny because he is a 30 yo engaged to a 15 yo pavetta, but that is more of sapkowski’s effect on the story as he treats this and other situations of dating 15 yo girls completely normalized within the fantasy society he has created, which is his fault as an author and not a character flaw of the characters in-universe. they didn’t have a choice for that to be normalized in their society, they’re characters. it’s wrong, but you can retcon it if you choose. also i think the idea of killing duny is just amusing because if you kill him, you would not get the massacre of cintra, you would not get cahir, you would not get rience, stefan skellen, vilgefortz and thus leo bonhart, schirru and thus nightingale and fulko artevelde and angouleme, there would be no stygga, there would be no lodge of sorceresses, there would also likely be no thanedd coup. the entire conflict of the entire series would just be gone. so interesting idea but it wouldn’t make sense at all and would defeat the entire story

[legmanns-moved]

Why I don’t interact with @gam.iru_ on Instagram

@gam.iru (idk what name they use) is a mestize puerto rican user who I have beef with because of their repeated instances of antiblack racism and racism against korean people, inappropriate sexual behavior, bullying of others, and a lot of other stuff. This post is going to act as my catch-all post explaining my reasons for no longer wishing to associate with them or their friends. I am not trying to “ruin their life” or intentionally make them look bad... they make themself look bad.

One of my main issues with them during the time that we were friends was their frequent use and defense of nonblack people, themself included, using the terms n*gga and n*gger. The first instance of the N word was in a group chat that we had back in early-mid 2018 for Cookie Run fans, where they would on occasion refer to certain individuals(cartoon characters, public figures, etc.) as "that n/gga", and then once I or another user called them out for it they'd insist that they were in the wrong headspace, failing to address the bigger issue.

To add from that, one of the things that lead to the termination of our friendship was their repeated defense of the use of the term "n/gger sugar" in a song by the band Queen, and continuing to listen to this song and mock me for it making me uncomfortable. This term is obviously racist, and there's never any reason for a nonblack person to use or defend it. From what I've been told byother users, gam.iru is claiming that they refused to listen to the song in question. I can confirm that gam.iru did not, in fact, avoid songs that contained the term n*gger. Their choosing to listen to the offending song in question was what made me first criticize the action. This first altercation (the first time I've called them out for the n word, not the first time it was used) was on April 17, 2019 at around 6 am EST, so 5 am for them.

Even if they were telling the truth with avoiding offending songs, it is still beyond inappropriate of them to try to defend or justify the use of this term by a nonblack individual, or furthermore claim that other individuals' actions are not racist because they don't think they're racist. Especially to me, a black person. Nonblack people do not get to dictate what is and is not considered antiblack racism, or try to tone police black people when speaking on antiblack racism. gam.iru did this on numerous occasions.

Another one of the things that they did was repeated racialized hateful remarks towards east asian musicians, specifically korean artists. Apparently, they've tried to justify this by citing that hating on kpop was a trend at the time, but the trend originated from racialized xenophobia and they knew that and simply didn't care. They repeatedly made comments lumping all korean people into one category, mocking korean artists, and all that, which is still racist regardless of intent. Using a racist meme doesn't excuse racism, and that was one of my problems with them. They also did this to a lesser extent with Japanese musicians who I listened to at the time, but I didn't mention that since their fixation seemed to be specifically on Korean people. They went a step further from simply "not liking" kpop to the mockery of korean people, bringing this up every single time other people in the group chat mentioned anything korean ,and making racist remarks.  This was my issue.

(please note that the screenshot where I call them Jack is from 2018, before they chose the name Carlos. I don't intend to deadname them, this is just a really old message. To update, they no longer go by Carlos either, and I don’t know what their new name is.)

The idea that Western artists represent and own the concept of free expression while Asian artists are "starved" and are always forced to suffer is not only racist propaganda, but dishonest. The implication that this is merely a Korean issue, when many corporations such as Disney or Atlantic Records have had repeated issues with pedophilia, abuse, and censorship of their own stars, is therefore racist no matter how you spin it. You cannot criticize the kpop industry while actively supporting the western music industry as if there's nothing wrong, which is something gam.iru has done. The entire trend of hating kpop was something started by mostly white men to emasculate east Asian men and mock them, citing that they "look the same", and mock teenage girls for liking these stars. Gam.iru , to date, has never apologize for making comments like this, or apologized to my friend, another black user, for her art "looking like a kpop stan's", and repeatedly inserting themselves into conversations discussing her interest in korean artists. All of this was done while spamming the chat with pictures of Queen (and occasionally other offending artists), whom Sharon and I had previously denounced as being antiblack in some form. I can assure you, since I was there for all of this, that gam.iru was not speaking from a place of supposed concern for Korean artists when they made these comments, but rather simply being an ass. 

To continue, the reason that their fetishization of dark skin was included in this list, is due to this being an aspect of racism. Talking about how you have a "preference" or whatever for dark skin while repeatedly engaging in antiblack racism and making comments about how hard it is to draw natural hair is disturbing. The fetishization of features associated with blackness, such as dark skin is weird as hell, and I personally take issue with it as a dark skinned person. It may not seem as significant to you, but comments like that make my skin crawl, as fetishistic racism is rather dehumanizing when you're at the receiving end of it.As someone who is dark skinned and female-presenting, I can say that the amount of sexual exploitation that dark skinned black girls go through because of this obsession with our bodies and features is incomprehensibly harmful to our psyche and self image. This fetishistic racism is also known as exoticism, which is what leads to people breeding for the aesthetic (people having mixed race children because they're "prettier") and white people adopting children of color for the Aesthetic, leading to psychologically damaged children who often times will have identity issues, be divorced from the culture, and in the case of white/poc mixed kids raised by white parents, be self hating towards the poc parent's race. This entire supposed "preference" for dark skin, juxtaposed with the fact that they have /only/ dated fairly pale white people is disturbingly fetishistic and made me and other black people who were in group chats with them violently uncomfortable.

Other racist aspects of their behavior during and after our friendship would be their frequent digital blackface and seeming mockery of mentally ill black people, as well as overuse (and misuse) of AAVE and treating black people as the punchline to many of their jokes. I can't explain what digital blackface is well in my own words, but it can be boiled down to a frequent use of black people and the black image as your way of "expressing yourself" (comments like your "inner black girl" or what have you), as a means of further commodifying the black image. Some articles/videos that explain it better than me: [X, X, X]

  In regards to mentally ill people, one of gam.iru's favorite subjects of ridicule until only recently (the past 3 months) was a mentally ill black woman who goes by Peaches online. She is a victim of repeated physical and sexual abuse who achieved notoriety in 2017(?) after running away from her home and making money through creating shock videos of eating her own feces, and sex work, when she was roughly 16 years old. Since then, her behavior has become more hideous, with attempts to sell her infant daughter and incidents of public exposure in areas where there are young children, molesting and subsequently murdering a puppy, and intentionally trying to give sexual partners STI's. There are more things that she has done, but I don't wish to go into more detail. I do not in any way intend to defend Peaches' behavior, and have limited sympathy given the severity of the crimes that she has committed. Nonetheless, gam.iru , and people like them, find this behavior-what should be clear cries for help- amusing. I can't express my disgust enough. 

Besides Peaches, frequent punchlines to gam.iru's bizarre humor were Wendy Williams, a talk show host whose rage and mental spiral has been played up by media for laughs, and Rick James, a musician who suffered from cocaine addiction and subsequently kidnapped, tortured, and sexually and physically assaulted women and girls on multiple occasions. Gam.iru unironically declared their being a fan of this man despite all of this on multiple occasions.(I really don't want to include every instance of them talking about rick james just trust me when I say it was a lot)

In regards to their misuse of AAVE, it would be inappropriate to call them out without acknowledging that just about every nonblack person I know also makes it a point to overuse and misuse AAVE. AAVE stands for African American Vernacular English, or alternatively BVE (Black Vernacular English). You probably know it better as internet slang or "stan twitter speak". This is another thing that gets misappropriated frequently in modern society, and I don't have the mental spoons to properly explain its history and the extent of why nonblack people using it is icky... to say the least. Being overly critical and outwardly racist towards black people while fixing your mouth to use our own dialogue for a trend is yet again another form of racism, and pretty nasty on their part. They're not the only person who does this or the last person who does it (this is a growing problem in society), but I take issue with them in particular for using AAVE as a joke while also being extremely antiblack. 

There are more articles that talk about this issue in detail, but to start here's this one: http://www.dailyuw.com/opinion/columnists/article_b7318c5a-fb7b-11e9-afee-a73bf103f2db.html

Besides racism, personal grievances that I and others had with them were their being uncomfortably sexual in conversation and in sfw spaces. Frequently, when we were friends, they would send nsfw memes in inappropriate locations, or a completely sfw situation would be turned into something unacceptable. The main server that I spoke with them in at this time is a child-friendly server, where we were more than clear on the fact that since there are younger individuals and people who are uncomfortable with sexual jokes here, any subject matter of that category would have to be put in certain channels. They failed to do this, and skated heavily on the fact that they were friends with many of the mods here (myself included, I admit I was too lax with them and their behavior) to evade being temporarily kicked or banned. For personal reasons, I don't want to find images of this subject matter and will not be sending any.

Another unrelated thing that's merely personal beef at this point (so I didn't include it on my story) was their repeatedly mocking/bashing/whatever their friend group from school in my DM's. By repeatedly, I mean on a daily basis. It scaled from being critical of one friend, who they believed had bad art and calling them "ddlg" (don't know their real name) while bashing them, their interests, etc. to repeatedly sending me pictures of their ex and their art and mocking everything about this person's existence. This ranged from their relationship with gender identity to things gam.iru found wrong with their art to bragging about mistreating them during their relationship. Although some of gam.iru's problems with this person were valid, as this individual's behavior on many occasions was unacceptable (will not go into detail), I now understand that this was a form of bullying, and regret all parts that I had in it.I will say that I didn't participate in the mockery of this person's art or their appearance, but my lack of speaking up on how mean gam.iru was being did enable them and give them a platform to be hateful rather than talking out their problems like a mature person would have.

This brings me to my last thing (which kind of ties back into racism), the incident that lead to our final falling out. After a series of comments mocking Kim Seokjin, a vocalist for the kpop group BTS, on June 19, 2019, I did finally ask them to stop.

(DM in question) 

After I sent my first DM, they proceeded to go invisible on Discord and leave every group chat or server that I was in. I was frustrated, but I felt that I'd said my piece, so I went to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I was still upset, and seeing that I knew they were awake but had still failed to say anything in response (it was 11 am at this point, so they were awake), I sent another DM, being an ultimatum. At this point I'll admit I was not trying to be nice or cordial at all. I apologize for the vulgarity. 

This was the last time that I made any attempt to speak to this person. About a week later, a former mutual friend (who is also more racist, ableist, and what have you but that's a whole other can of worms that I won't be getting into right now! maybe in a few hours though once I've slept) sent this message in the mod chat of the main server that we all frequented, and I responded. 

That was the end of the conversation, until October 2019. In a server that I had been in that gam.iru happened to moderate, I noticed that out of the blue I had been removed from it with no warning.

^I contacted the ex mutual friend, and this is everything to be said on that issue. 

As of today, June 1, 2020, they have not apologized for any of their actions to any of the parties involved. Accordingly, I will not retract any statements made about them being grossly racist and just gross in general until all other parties involved get their according apologies. If I get wind of them saying/doing shit like this again, I'll be just as vocal on how and why they're racist and gross, and will keep doing so until all other parties get their apologies. I have no interest in ever being affiliated with this individual again, because they have single handedly been responsible for half the drama in my life since 2017 and even if they do manage to grow as a person at some point, the damage has already been done and I want nothing to do with them. They're simply a nasty person and I don't believe that given their history, seeing any performative bs during a time of crisis for the black community is appropriate on their part. Do with this information what you will, and have a nice day.

UPDATE (June 7 2020)-

This user has still failed to apologize and considers all of the aforementioned issues “petty” so yeah I’m keeping this post up.

[burr-ell]

Babe pls go off about TTG vs TT I would love it

caps is referring to this post i made a week ago; i made sure bc i’m kind of an illiterate dumdum who’s bad at math. @zitkaplushie and @aaawunder have also decided to endorse my absolute worst impulses on the matter of cartoons vs comics SO

what’s been on my mind lately is…not really a Big Discourse, it’s mostly just a pet peeve. and as a disclaimer i’d like to say that i firmly believe in interacting with fandom any way you want. i’m not the fandom police; that job sounds heinous.

but i gotta tell ya, it can get pretty frustrating trying to find good teen titans animated content that actually feels like it’s about teen titans animated. and so much of that comes down to people who insist on shoehorning comics canon into the show—especially the people who don’t like it that none of the characters refer to each other by “real name”, and think it’s a problem that they need to fix in their fanworks.

i vaguely referenced this type of thing briefly here, but people not treating the animated series as a completely different ‘verse with a completely different structure and continuity from any comics or previous animated shows is…baffling, to me. it takes me out of the enjoyment of a lot of fan content that people produce and then file under the animated show in the archives. and i wish it didn’t because i like enjoying things, surprisingly! but it does, and i think i know why.

uninhibited gushing about teen titans under the cut:

the cartoon makes for an excellent gateway series to the lesser-known aspects of the dc universe, but it also stands really well on its own. and part of the reason for that is that you don’t need to know any comics canon to enjoy the show—you don’t even need to be familiar with batman at all in order to understand and empathize with robin as a character. and i think one element of that is the fact that nobody refers to anyone by their “real names”, because as far as the show is concerned, their superhero names are their real names. being a superhero is their full-time job, and their hero lives and personal lives are one and the same.

so it kinda grinds my gears to read fanfic tagged specifically under the animated series where characters frequently refer to each other as ‘dick’, ‘gar’, ‘vic,’ and ‘kory’—and in some cases ‘rachel’ too—and consistently reference their backstories as a part of the expanded dc universe. do they do that in the comics and the animated movies and the live-action show? sure! and there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. but i’ve always liked the fact that they make a point of avoiding that in the cartoon, and to me it’s one of the things that sets the show apart. no one has a civilian identity—they’re teenagers, they look and talk and act like teenagers, but they fight villains full-time. that’s all. and it’s great!

while the cartoon is primarily focused on action, it still manages to communicate a lot of the mature aspects of the comics’ stories and characters without having to give them civilian identities. our understanding of cyborg, for example, isn’t made better by knowing that his birth name is ‘victor stone’. his struggle to accept himself for who he is, both the human and the machine, is still core to his character arc, and it shines through whether you know the backstory or not.

disabled kids watch cyborg and they don’t need to know about silas stone and STAR Labs; they’re looking at his cybernetics as prosthetic limbs and saying “hey! he’s just like me!”. that’s the kind of thing that really matters, and that’s part of what makes the show so special to me.

on a practical level, there’s a reason starfire and raven don’t go by their “real names”—because starfire and raven are their real names. in kory’s pre-crisis comics debut, “starfire” was a code name originally born out of the effects of her energy bolts (she didn’t actually do the language kiss until about a week after they rescued her from the gordanians, so they needed to call her something). but in the cartoon, starfire is to koriand’r as john is to giovanni—it’s the english translation of her name. and raven is a half demon raised in an alternate dimension populated by monks; “rachel roth” has only ever been a pseudonym she uses to get around when she has to. it’s only robin, cyborg, and beast boy that even have secret identities to begin with in the cartoon, and it’s not that much of a reach to argue that they’re choosing to eschew those old names to better reflect who they’ve chosen to be.

and i think that last bit especially is why it bugs me that people have argued that “they’re supposed to be friends but they don’t trust each other enough to tell each other their backstories!”. because to me, it’s a lot more compelling that they trust each other enough to not need to know that information. “she’s our friend,” robin says about raven. “what more do we need to know?”. what they’re acknowledging there, to me, is that it doesn’t really matter where you’ve been or what you were born to do; it’s about who you choose to be now. and i love that, the respect of choice. having the characters refer to each other by birth name just because it’s their birth name, as if a birth name is inherently more valid and intimate, kind of undermines that to me.

teen titans works as well as it does, and still holds up almost two decades later, because it is, at its core, a show about teenage superheroes as found family that just happens to be a dc property. i’m so much more interested in fan content that plays by those rules—treating the comics canon as isolated wink-and-nudge kind of stuff, because it’s more interested in how the characters have chosen to present themselves than in making them abide by Comics Rules. again, i’m not out to be the Content Police to tell you how to enjoy a kids’ show, but it would be nice if content tagged under the animated show was actually about the animated show instead of cramming in comics canon when there are already communities and tags for comics canon. just let the cartoon be the cartoon.

[racefortheironthrone]

Thoughts on Powers of X #3

Gotta go fast!

Pride and Grace (X^2):

This issue starts off on a pretty heavy note with a look at the religion of humans in the Man-Machine Ascendancy, and what we see is that humanity has constructed a religion around transhumanism and it’s entirely negative.

So here is the catechism of this religion:

“All humans are slaves,” and humans should “accept [the machines]] dominance.”

Human nature is inherently “fallen,” and in order to ascend humans must reject “every last shred” of their humanity.

Critically, humans must reject the “heretics” who preach biological transhumanism, both becasue of the inherent impossibility of “improv[ing] on our flawed design” and their mistaken belief in free will.

And then just in case you were wondering whether Hickman was going to be at all subtle in his belief that mechanical transhumanism is bad, he then shows us a baby being baptised into this faith by having half its face lasered off as it screams in pain. 

On a more high-falutin’ level, the purple-clad cyborg priest’s concluding thought that “there is something perfect trapped in your flawed human shell” is Gnosticism turned against itself, from a religion that preached an egalitarian message of salvation through transcendant knowledge into a religion that denies the very possibility. It’s also not a good sign that the priest inverts Milton’s most famous epigram on individualistic defiance into a message of submission. 

I find it very odd that so much of the fandom can read these pages and then turn around and call Krakoan culture a cult. As I’ll get into longer, Krakoan culture is all about proving and celebrating individuality as well as community, about rejoicing in the defeat of death, and the multiple layers of call-and-response rest power in the congregation as much as the preacher. If I had to choose between these two religions, I’d pick Krakoa every time. 

And then the mutant resistance shows up bringing fire and the sword(s). And yet, in what is surprising for a group of mutants organized and led by Apocalypse, their tone is more disappointed than hostile. More on this in a bit.

Surviving Sol Mutants Infographic:

In this org chart, we learn about the mutant resistance as led by Apocalypse. Some interesting little details here:

Apocalypse has a new group of horsemen (we don’t learn that the first horsemen who Hickman has been emphasizing so much died during the fall of Krakoa until later), with Logan in the War role, Kuan-Yin Xorn as Death, North as Pestilence, and Krakoa/Cypher as Famine.

This group includes “Pureblood” (not wild about this label) mutants, Chimeras, and “Symbiotic” mutants, which covers pretty much every kind of mutant in this timeline in the same way that the All-New X-Men were designed to be internationally diverse.

While some of these designations - War for Wolverine and Death for the nihilist Xorn - make sense, there’s something really ironic about the plant-man representing Famine, and there doesn’t seem to be much of a clear link between North and the concept of Pestilence.

North as a second generation Lorna Dane/Emma Frost hybrid became a fan favorite despite uttering very few words, I guess because of the interesting combination of Magneto’s costume in Polaris’ colors and pink telepathy powers. 

For her part, Moira stands in as “Mother” of the younger mutant team (which I guess makes Apocalypse the “Father” of the older team), making this resistance cell a Brady-style fused/found family.

I was wrong about which generations Rasputin and Cardinal belong to: despite the fact that Rasputin is named Rasputin IV, both she and Cardinal are third generation Chimeras. Cardinal’s powerset seems to include Nightcrawler-style teleportation as well as Jean/Rachel/Nate-style telepathy. No idea who Freeman corresponds to, but no one else seems to know either. 

The Church, the Church is On Fire!:

On the other side of town, the Machine half of the Ascendancy reacts to the distraction attack. Omega Sentinel both seems to care more about humanity and be more human both in terms of her interests and her affect, while noted sociopath Nimrod the Lesser advocates for human genocide, just in case you were wondering who the bad guys were.

A further sign that we shouldn’t let our pre-existing knowledge color our interpretation is that we find out that the mutant resistance “have always sought to free the humans in some hope that together they might overcome the inevitability of” Nimrod. Needless to say, fighting to save “a world that hates and fears them” hasn’t exactly been Apocalypse’s wheelhouse, but it’s a sign that existential struggle changes all kinds of people’s characters in unexpected ways.

I really like the idea that mutants and humans are two peoples “divided by one language,” because it’s an interesting counter-point to Magneto’s argument in House of X #1 that a mutant language is a necessary precondition for cultural separation.

Further evidence for my thesis about AIs and analysis paralysis: Nimrod the Lesser’s obsession with trying to “disassemble the variables” and his total lack of interest in more qualitative understandings of his opposition leads him to delay just long enough to allow the resistance to get away with their data and unleash a singularity in his capital. Can’t help but see a parallel there with the Phalanx and other intelligences.

We move from there to a Highly Thematically Significant ecumenical debate between the cyborg purple priest and Cardinal, who describes himself as “a pacifist who’s been pushed to the brink” (much like Xavier?) and in the process has abandoned many of his own beliefs, even “overcome my genetic predispositions” for a higher purpose. (Which itself is thematically significant, given that the cyborg purple priest explicitly denied that one could avoid genetic destiny.) Cardinal wants to know why the priest would betray humanity on behalf of a malevolent divinity, but it’s not clear whether his own form of self-destruction is much different (although given that Cardinals deny the self, did the “terminal apocalypse seed” destroy his authentic self or create one?). 

For his part, the cyborg priest chooses veneration of the Great Machine above all else, seemingly dying in a state of religious ecstasy. There’s also another interesting contrast being drawn here - after Magneto positioned the mutants as pagan “gods,” we have a decidedly monotheistic capital-G “god” in the form of Omega Sentinel. 

Buying Time/Space:

As his X-Men prepare to go down swinging to buy him enough time, Apocalypse and his strike team make it to the data-base. I know that Hickman is usually described as more of a world-builder than dialogue wrioter, but I loved the line “I am older than even the idea of machines.” (Not so sure that’s true, Ancient Egypt loved itself some simple machines, but he could be referring more specifically to the computer.) 

We also learn that the data they’re looking for is “when Nimrod came online,” which initially sounds unimportant...up until we see Moira and realize that historical data is priceless when you’re dealing with time-loopers.

Nimrod is alerted by Cypher/Krakoa’s accessing of the data, but it’s worth noting that Nimrod doesn’t know what they’re looking for. He’ll describe it as “old data and machine lore,” but he clearly can’t recall and hasn’t integrated the data that’s been acquired into his own mental framework - which raises the question of whether the Phalanx or higher ups do any better with the data they’ve consumed. 

In the mean-time, Rasputin and Xorn unleash his singularity in order to sideline Omega Sentinel and buy their cause a little more time. There’s an interesting parallel with what Erasmus will do in House of X #3, but the singularity adds another level.

Omega’s question “do you have any idea of what lies at the heart of a real black hole” is even more ambiguous in the wake of Powers of X #5, where we learn that there are massive AI societies inside black holes. Is the Man-Machine Ascendancy a vassal of one of these, has Omega seen one? Or is she referring to a more abstract idea about the ultimate death of all things? (Watching A Brief History of Time messed me up as a kid.)

But just as the X-Men of X^1 underestimate the self-sacrificial tenacity of Orchis humans, Omega underestimates that of the X-Men and so a singularity is unleashed on Earth. Does this destroy the planet, in the same way that the singularity of the 4th Generation Chimeras wiped out Mars? Do Rasputin, Xorn, or Cardinal end up in another time/place as the tarot cards from Powers of X #1 would suggest? Is their desination one of the Titan Societies?  

In a parallel act, Apocalypse sacrifices himself to get the data away. Even as Nimrod is giving his big speech about how Apocalypse is no longer the “fittest of all,” we see how the Big A has clearly moved beyond that conception of himself, to embrace a larger cause he’s willing to die for.

As Aocalypse is dying, Wolverine awakens Moira in her ninth life and kills her so that she can bring the data about Nimrod into her tenth life. Which is one main reason why I’m really skeptical we’ll see a reboot into an 11th life at the end of the mini-series, because otherwise why devote half or more of your run-time to what she’s learned in this life if the next one is the really important one?

Infographic of the Ninth Life of Moira X:

I just realized that Moira’s last name works as both a play on the Nation of Islam’s tradition of giving out X as a new last name symbolic of the heritage destroyed by slavery (although the X-gene probably gives that a different symbolism for Krakoan mutants), and the number 10. Yes, I can be really short-sighted sometimes.

So what new information do we get about Life 9?

Well, the Apocalypse War goes well for mutants for fourteen years, with Avengers World defeated three years later, and the Annihilation Wave repelled eleven years later. Crucially, however, Apocalypse is unable to prevent Nimrod from coming online in Year 50, and within six years the mutants lose most of their earthly power, forcing a retreat to Krakoa and the adoption of Sinister’s breeding program. This buys the mutants about thirty years, but Krakoa’s fall in advance of the collapse of Mars suggestsa that it was never more than a band-aid.

Note that once again Moira goes into a coma. Man, by this point, she and Emma are going to have plenty to talk about wrt to their Sleeping Beauty syndromes.

[tacosandtomcos]

On The Title Of “Monster”

I feel like there’s a lack of understanding still as to what a “Monster’ is, and i kinda think we should talk about it and clear some things up about the situation as i see a lot of misinformation being spread around about it.

I think people assume “Monster” is basically a species in this world, as that is sometimes what monsters calls themselves and that normally all these creatures are grouped up together.

But i believe “Monster” is actually supposed to be a class of people. It’s just a title reserved to whoever fits the bill.

Cause the thing is, the show makes it very clear that who is called a “Monster” does not rely solely on race, it depends on a few different factors to be put into this kinda group.

appearance, actions, wealth, and allegiance.

Appearance : This is more straightforward, if you seem to display any abnormal or frighting features to the mewmans, you will typically be seen as a threat, and therefore, a monster. 

Actions: This ties a bit into the allegiance section, but when monsters display anything worth seeing as a threat to their way of life, they will immediately be outed as a monster. Star actually explains this by talking about tom and the scary stuff he’s capable of.

Wealth is a very telling sign, that when a monster has enough money and power, they will be treated with more respect and that they’re “Different” then other monsters. Ludo is actually someone worth noting because he’s a prince and was under the butterflies thumb, but for some reason, he’s a monster? But then you look at the state of his family and realize, the state of his family and where ludo chooses to align, is why he’s separated from the rest of the royals who resembled monsters. His family is poor and treated with less respect (They weren’t even invited to go to an ally ball despite supposibly still being allies), and that’s even stated more when Estrella, in her chapter, talks about how they’ve gone downhill and need scratchoffs these days to do anything. They’re royals but barely so, so no one cares about them because they have no money or power anymore.

 Allegiance, something that’s made very clear in the show and book is “you’re either with us, or against us.” If you are with the Butterflies, you are their allies, their friends, you are better then a “Monster” those who oppose your needs or the expansion of your kingdom. This is Especially Displayed by Solaria in her chapter, as she wants the complete genocide of any creature she deems a “Monster”, but gives the ponyheads and Lucitors a pass for being on her side.

It’s like this, “Monster” can’t be a species if it relies on factors like who you are allinged with and how much money you have. Because that has nothing to do with your species or the creature you are.

In other forms of media monster is considered a species, but that’s not what it is in this show.

Frogman, Conjoinicorn, Kappa, Septarian, THESE are some of the species or the different races who live on mewni, but the mewmans will box them all together under one label if they don’t fit their criteria.

The most telling sign is Tom and the Demons.

Demons are not separate from monsters.

This is completely told to us in the book of spells as Conjoinicorns, who are classified as monsters according to solaria. But are a type of DEMON  according to Eclipsa.

So this entire thing proves that demons can be considered “Monsters” based on certain aspects. In this case, Conjoincorns, being on the opposing sides of the war, is what probably makes them different then demons like the Lucitors.

(This also tells us there are different types of demon, but i think the underworld itself makes that clear based on the demons we see down there)

Tom makes a speech in Is Another Mystery, and the intention of this speech in regards to tom and where he stands is despite his wealth, he’s no different then other races who are considered “Monsters”.

Tom looks like a monster, acts like a monster, even eats like a monster.

And when other “Monsters” point out that tom is rich, he makes a point of that. Yeah, he is, and that’s a deciding factor into why mewmans don’t treat him like they would other monsters.

But Erase that, and what makes tom all that different then someone like them to anyone on mewni? 

Yeah, his family is allinged with the mewmans, but if they weren’t wealthy the mewmans wouldn’t have even considered allinging with them in the first place, as there are plenty of other powerful beings they didn’t even try to make alliances with in the war. They only went for the wealthy royals nearby to them, and there are many other kingdoms in mewni they didn’t touch either because they were too poor or hated them.

But The Lucitors, as said by skywynne, even were threats to the Butterfly kingdom awhile back, pulling them down into the underworld. So they were not a fan of the butterflies at all until solaria made a plead for them, but chose not to make a plead for anyone else? 

I keep hearing people try to say “Tom’s not a monster because of this and that and mewmans don’t treat him-”, THAT’S THE POINT. Tom should be a “Monster”, and it’s unfair to treat these other creatures different then him simply due to them not being very rich or powerful.

There is meant to be a real connection here between tom and the monsters, that despite what mewni says, they aren’t so different after all. And it just tells you how garbage mewni’s class system really is.

Tom might not be able to entirely relate to everything the monsters have been going through for years. But the show does (Even it’s it’s very lackluster) make a point that tom would be treated like trash if mewmans had no idea who he was, when you remove the barrier that separates him from other monsters, set up by the mewmans, he’s just another monster to mewni.

The Lucitors aren’t monsters because they’re useful to the Butterflies, they need them. But with their savage lifestyle and monsters tendencies, the buttterflies seem like hypocrites for thinking they are somehow BETTER then other “monsters “ like them out there just because they’re rich and useful.

Tom calling himself a “Monster”, and referring to himself as a apart of this category is strange to the others because the term is linked to people like them, to outcasts and those who are considered “Abominations”. 

People were confused about why the others reacted to being surprised at tom being a monster because it should be obvious. But that reaction makes more sense when the title is for a class of people and is not solely based on looks or race.

Tom is basically “Demoting” himself.

“Monsters” are essentially a name for the creatures and races the mewmans consider “Lesser” then them, or dangerous. It’s a category, and a very selective one at that.

Tom embraces being a”Monster” by the end of the episode. Which is a step in the right direction for him as it allows him to connect with people who before now, he hadn’t made an effort to connect with. Only to find he’s a lot like them and make a stand for how garbage the system is.

“Monsters” are essentially a name for the creatures and races the mewmans consider “Lesser” then them, or dangerous. It’s a category, and a very selective one at that.

As we go forward into next season, i believe this stuff needs to be reinstated. because while the allegory in this show is not perfect, these kinda misconceptions seem to really confuse everyone and avoid the intentions of what is stated in the show and by the book. 

[staliasjeronica]

Similarities Between Jeronica and Carmuel (Elité)

While one ship is canon and the other isn’t, Jughead and Veronica and Samuel and Carla have so much in common. Here’s highlighting why!

Jeronica and Carmuel both involve a boy who is classified as poor, or lesser than, and a beautiful rich girl.

The boys use the girl to get to the bottom of the mystery, and the girls use the boy back to make sure he doesn't find out anything. Basically, an interesting version of cat and mouse?

However, despite that, both ships end up falling for one another while at the same time continuing on with their mission because they’re stubborn and feel obligated to stay loyal and on the path for why they started in the first place.

It’s mostly a guess for Jeronica since they are not canon, but if they were canon, the similar path Samuel and Carla went is more than likely the path Jughead and Veronica would go based on their characters and their dynamic in Riverdale.

Girl is a dominant bad bitch and boy loves it.

Mostly fanon for Jeronica but, again, this is mostly guessing based on how their characters are and how their dynamic goes.

According to Carla’s wiki page these facts can show just how much Carla and Veronica are basically the same person.

Carla and Veronica are similar in that they use their intelligence and beauty to their advantage. Because their fathers raised them to be successful and confident and I-get-what-I-want, both girls can be very manipulative and use sex as a way to get what they want. Basically, they let others believe that they’re begging on their knees and that the other person has all the control, when it is actually the opposite.

Both Carla and Veronica are seen as cold-hearted, prideful, and selfish characters who are willing to do anything to put the odds in their favor. However, both of them are very loyal to the people they love and care about (Carla to Polo, her father, and her friends, Veronica to her friends and somewhat her father—which is mostly bad writing since they won’t let her branch off— and her mother)

With these qualities, neither character are as cold as the front they put up. Both girls share a more vulnerable and soft side of their personalities, appreciating non-luxurious places (Veronica’s is fanon for how the fans write Veronica as liking personal interactions because that’s how her character can be read) such as Samuel's home, his food, and even having fun as an ordinary girl without money, sex, and mind games involved. This softer side emerges only when Carla is with Samuel. That is much how Jeronica’s see what would happen if Jughead and Veronica were actually given a chance. Both of their (Jeronica’s) softer sides would emerge when they’re with each other, like how Jughead is allowed to show his softer side with Betty (and not around the Serpents) and Veronica with Archie (not around her father or friends).

Sadly there is no personality snippet for Samuel on the wiki and Jughead’s doesn’t really highlight it all, however…

Both boys are soft and caring and loyal (in s1, when bad shit didn’t hit the fan). until they are pushed to a space where they aren’t (Marina is murdered, Jughead joins the Serpents). They are ruthless and will do anything to uncover the truth. Marina’s death pushed Samuel to harden, and his usually humorous and normal teenager side was pushed to the side as he adopted this darker version of himself. Which is a lot like when Jughead joins the Serpents, and made him want “to be better than they were and to stay true to himself” which forced him into tough situations where he had to cast aside his more innocent season one self.

Samuel and Jughead started out as “low class” funny, loner (Samuel when he went to the private school) boys who are able to skirt by on the sidelines just being themselves. However, later on as things come to a head, they are both impulsive yet oddly able to wait and strike… it’s a very weird thing but I noticed that they act that way.

Since the boys didn’t have much of a personality description I decided to go through all of the personality types and choose who would be what.

Ironically and not surprisingly, Veronica and Carla (would most likely be) a Commander, ENTJ.

Jughead is an Architect, INTJ, and Samuel would most likely be an Adventurer, ISFP. However while going through each personality type Samuel did fit some of Jughead’s strengths and weaknesses, but Adventurer fit him a bit more. Since the girl’s share their personality profile I will go over their’s first. I won’t give a fully detailed one because this isn’t a personality profile post, but I will give the highlights and such.

Commanders are natural-born leaders, they embody the gifts of charisma and confidence, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. However, they are also characterized by a ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination, and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they’ve set for themselves. Commanders love a good challenge, big or small, and they firmly believe that given enough time and resources, they can achieve any goal. Commanders are dominant, relentless, and unforgiving. If there’s anyone Commanders respect, it’s someone who is able to stand up to them intellectually, who is able to act with a precision and quality equal to their own. That is why Carla and Veronica vibe so well with Samuel and Jughead—those boys are able to keep up with them and bring on a challenge that they need and actually yearn for.

Commander strengths are efficient, energetic, self-confident (they trust their abilities, make known their opinions, and believe in their capacities as leaders), strong-willed, strategic thinkers (they are known for examining every angle of a problem and not just resolving momentary issues), and charismatic and inspiring.

However, their weaknesses are stubborn and dominant, intolerant (“It’s my way or the highway”), impatient, arrogant, poor handling of emotions (commanders often trample others’ feelings, inadvertently hurting their partners and friends, especially in emotionally charged situations), and cold and ruthless.

Looking between the two characters, it makes sense that they are the same type because they act in almost the exact way, and were brought up by their controlling, rich fathers were want to stay on top and will do anything to stay on top. Now, to see how their type deals with romance.

Commanders approach dating and relationships with a set of goals and a plan to achieve them, and proceed to do so with impressive energy and enthusiasm. Romantic relationships are a serious business, and Commanders are in it for the long haul (of course, this is about people irl and these are TV show characters so it won’t always be completely right. Still, the rich lonely girl who’s only had people use her for something would totally want something permanent and long-standing).

Sensing others’ feelings and emotions will never be a comfortable skill for Commanders, but it is critical that they work consciously to develop it, both for their partners’ sake and for their own healthy emotional expression. If they don’t, they risk dominating and overruling their partners, and this insensitivity can easily break a relationship, especially early on.

Their authentic confidence makes Commanders’ sex life dynamic to say the least, and they often push to explore new ways to express their affection with imaginative enthusiasm (both couples are sensual and hot, so this makes sense that their relationships would show that explicitly).

Commanders in particular would do well to remember that their approach is just one angle of a multi-faceted spectrum of alternatives. While Commanders may view criticism as the most efficient route, they should bear in mind that their partners may be more interested in emotional support and growth, an area of self-improvement that Commanders themselves too often avoid. This is where the softness and the trust would come in, where they open themselves up to the other only with each other.

Now, to compare Jughead and Samuel’s personality profiles. Jughead and Samuel may be different in that Jughead reads a lot of books and is more of a shy bookworm and Samuel seems more of like the introverted yet extroverted if needed kind of boy, but at the same time a show that doesn’t really let us in to see how Samuel truly acts is kind of hard to pin him down to a more spot-on personality type and have it be correct. In retrospect, their personality profiles are different but in their underlying personalities on screen, they are very much alike in how they act, think, 

Both Architects and Adventurers are able to be both the “most positive dreamers and the bitterest pessimists at the same time” (Architect), and “...definitely Introverts, surprising their friends further when they step out of the spotlight to be by themselves to recharge,” (Adventurer) they both think about anything and everything, but also can shut themselves off from others to recharge (obviously that’s not exact from the words but that’s what you can take from what the descriptions say). Their strengths and weaknesses don’t exactly match up (unless you dig really deeply into how an architect’s quick, imaginative, and strategic mind can connect to an adventurer’s passion, and etc.) and neither do their profiles, but from how they are perceived on their respective shows, they clearly have underlying comparisons.

It would take like five hours to find every single little thing and compare it, so simply go to their personality profiles and you can see for yourself how they can match up. It’s hard to do so because they’re on different shows and obviously not everything is exactly the same (nor are they placed in the same plots) but overall it’s clear to say that the couples are compatible with one another AND the people inside the ships. 

[breadclubrising]

I am hearing news about Kota Ibushi actually signing with NJPW (instead of being a free bird)... does this mean... he will finally be the heavyweight champion?

OFFICIALLY, it’s still a rumor right now—we haven’t heard an official announcement from NJPW. So, because Kota… I’m going to wait until something official is announced. Keep in mind that he did the entire Cruiserweight Classic and was in NXT during that time, but still hadn’t for-sure signed in time to win the tournament. He then continued to be in NXT for a couple of months, even though he didn’t commit, and WWE kept offering him shorter contracts, better schedule flexibility, and more money. According to him, after all of that, he physically attended a secret hotel room meeting with WWE for the sole purpose of telling them no, never, and that his mind would not be changed by any money or promises they could make.

I’m not even really saying the rumor is dubious—I think it’s likely he has done exactly as he says—I’m just saying I’m gonna wait for actual official confirmation with this guy.

That said, I’m going to write a long thing about his character arc. It’s what I do.

Let’s start with the obvious: Kota Ibushi is really fucking good at wrestling. He could show up on the doorstep of any wrestling promotion in the world and be welcomed with immediate upper-card booking, open arms, and a fuckton of money. He’s just that good. He’s pretty much universally admired by other wrestlers and wrestling critics. Very few people would argue with you if you called him one of the greatest pro wrestling talents of all time.

And if breathtaking natural ability isn’t enough (it’s not), Ibushi has all the magnetism, star power, and understanding of emotion needed to make a wrestling superstar. Sure, it often gets missed or overlooked in light of his talent, and yeah, sometimes he really sucks at promos. Still, you don’t get to be ace of a company like DDT on flips alone. Don’t let the dumb jock act fool you: he’s the whole package. Let no one tell you otherwise.

In sports, a reputation like Ibushi’s usually comes with a small museum’s worth of titles, trophies, and accolades. But Ibushi doesn’t have the trophy case to back up the praise he’s earned. And that’s because in most sports, talent usually translates directly to winning and becoming legendary—but not wrestling.

Because, of course, in wrestling, the outcomes of matches are not decided by talent, they’re chosen based on the best interests of the wrestling promotion. Ibushi has been a freelancer since 2016, which neatly coincides with when he stopped winning stuff. 

Because he’s just that good, he’s gotten far better booking than most freelancers could ever dream of. But he hasn’t gotten serious pushes, because no matter how talented someone is, it ultimately doesn’t make good business sense for a wrestling promotion to have a champion who only works for himself, to invest money and reputation in someone who can’t—explicitly will not—promise your promotion a return on your investment. Which is why Ibushi’s trophy case is so empty compared to his reputation.

He obviously knows all these dots are connected. Titles never really mattered to him, back when he had titles more often. Now, he knows the reputation he has, and he knows that all he has to do is want to be the best in the world. Ibushi doesn’t love making choices, but this one he cannot avoid: achievement or freedom. His dazzling talent grants him access to both, to an extent that’s simply not available to others. And he’s actually had a really impressive amount of cake-and-eating-it-too as a freelancer; much more than most could hope for.

But since 2016, he’s deliberately chosen freedom, knowing that the cost is achievement. 

The truth is, when you’re as talented as Kota Ibushi is, sometimes your gifts feel like a burden. No matter what you want out of life, your talent is so obvious and striking that it demands you account for what you’re doing with it, both to yourself and to other people. Your talent is bigger than whatever it is that your heart wants, and you will be obligated to answer for that, to yourself and others, constantly—wherever you go and whatever you do. And that will remain true even if fulfilling your potential has a cost you don’t want to pay.

Ask Kota Ibushi. His amazing talent meant that NJPW and DDT were both willing to give him full-time contracts at the same time; he was the first wrestler to have two home promotions. Someone as good as he is almost has to accomplish unprecedented things like that, right? No one else can, and no one else would be allowed to even try—who else would be worth that level of accommodation; two promotions both willing to not only have a guy who spends half his time making money for a rival promotion, but both push him as far as he wants to go, and work their scheduling so he could successfully maintain two schedules? And even before that, he won Best of the Super Juniors as an outsider. He was the first. He was the only one. He did that. 

Buuut, the cost of fulfilling that amazing potential was his mental and emotional wellbeing. For one, it meant he had to give up one of the things that made him happiest—being a Golden Lover. For another, his life was not his own. He later said that he learned that even one schedule is incredibly draining for him, and that one of the hardest things was how little emotional investment he was able to give his performances and the storylines happening in each promotion. 

His surgery in late 2015, the reason he left both DDT and NJPW, was for a cervical disc injury he’d been living with for a while. It probably sucked, but it was also a way out of his contracts, because the bigger and more grindingly burdensome issue was that he was horribly emotionally and mentally burned out from answering to two promotions. 

In other words, to Ibushi: dismal failure. Leaving your job for mental health reasons in Japan is not a thing. He felt like he just couldn’t hack it, didn’t deserve the acclaim he receives. In his mind, he’d failed his fans and critics, and exposed himself for being the flaky, emotionally weak weirdo he always saw in the mirror. When he was well enough to wrestle again, he left Japan, a bit humbled and humiliated. If being exceptional in Japan didn’t work, maybe just one contract, but with the world’s largest and most famous wrestling promotion, home to the majority of history’s greats, would be a way to live up to all of that potential.

And just like NJPW and DDT did, WWE was willing to make accommodations they rarely make for anyone else—a major reason WWE organized the Cruiserweight Classic was to try to sign him. Not only did they famously beg him as I noted above, they offered him contract flexibility—WWE does not do that; the vast majority of WWE contracts are quite exclusive. They let it be a pretty open secret that Kota Ibushi was definitely going be the ace and crown jewel of their new Cruiserweight division. And when he didn’t sign in time to win the tournament he was going to win (if he’d signed), they didn’t tell him to fuck off. They let him stay as long as he was willing to entertain the idea of signing. 

But he ran up against the same problem: he doesn’t do well in a tightly-controlled, heavily scheduled environment. So he told WWE no, definitely not, never. And he went home, forced to come to terms with the fact that some people can handle the schedules that come with a full-time contract, but for him, it’s too emotionally taxing. 

So this perception of him that’s out there, that ‘haha that’s our fantastic dolphin son, what a ~free spirit,’ is a little unfair.  Dude isn’t a freelancer because he’s flighty, unserious, or afraid of commitment. He’s a freelancer because he quickly gets burnt out when he has to follow someone else’s rules/schedule, and his talent gives him the privilege of naming his price. It’s not that he just doesn’t feel like being serious, it’s that he hates his life when he has the kind of commitments that come with a full-time contract. When he talked about saying no to WWE, he said “I don’t wrestle for the money anyway.” That didn’t mean I don’t care about money because I love wrestling, it meant I literally can’t function as a person if I start to think of wrestling as the thing I do to get money.

That means that when he came back to Japan in late 2016, he did so on his own terms, because that was the only way he could. His solution to the problem of burnout and emotional health has been controlling his own time; deciding where, how much, and how he works (he has a school now apparently, and he does stunt work on the side too). 

But now, as the grim march of time eventually comes for all of us, his back is to the wall and he knows: if he ever wants the titles to match his talent, if he wants wrestling history to remember him as something other than a could-have-been, it’s now or never. 

So, it’s now. He’s clenching his teeth, apologizing to Tana, going back into Serious Wrestling Star mode. He even said last night that he’s still trying to get his feet back under him, and IMO that’s because he’s still readjusting to being Professional Working Guy again. ‘Cause that’s who wins titles, and he knows that now.

Back in baby Golden Lover days, Kenny looked at Kota and saw all the things he wasn’t: natural, easy talent, and the booking to match it. Kenny was jealous and felt lesser; he worried he’d be a footnote in the history of Kota Ibushi. So when the Golden Lovers broke up, Kenny chose achievement, and achieve he did. Now, Kenny has a legacy: a huge pile of best bouts, worldwide fame, a name that will never be forgotten by wrestling history. The only titles he hasn’t held in NJPW are the NEVER Openweight Championship and the Heavyweight Tag Team Championship.

Now, Kota looks at Kenny and sees someone who didn’t have the burden of obvious easy talent, but did do all of the things you’d expect of someone who did. He’s not jealous like Kenny was, but he thinks: what have I done with what I’ve been given? Kota hasn’t held a Heavyweight singles title in NJPW. Kenny’s had all of them. Kota feels overshadowed now, irony of ironies.

Now, Kenny’s choosing freedom, and Kota’s choosing achievement. But it’s not a simple swap, because there’s a third element here: happiness. Both Golden Lovers are quite obviously happiest when they’re together. The first time they were apart, they both tried to fill the void where happiness belonged; Kenny with achievement, Kota with freedom. Then, they came back together, and happiness was so important to Kenny that in the end, when he won the biggest prize, he managed to tell a story in which all that he sacrificed and fought for was ultimately, distantly, secondary in importance to being happy. 

Now they’re apart again, but don’t mistake it for the same story. Before, they thought they could replace happiness with personal fulfillment. They learned, after years of unhappiness, that they couldn’t. This time, the Golden Lovers aren’t under any illusions that they’re going to replace happiness with what they’re doing instead. Bittersweetly, the lesson is the same as before, but from the other direction: personal fulfillment isn’t compatible with happiness right now. Now, both of them are setting their sights on accomplishment, but it seems pretty clear that they’re doing so with the intention of being back together as soon as they can be. 

Serious Wrestle Guy is explicitly not personally happy. But Ibushi’s at his best when he’s happy, even if he’s not winning titles. Titles make him feel fulfilled, and he needs that, but being a Golden Lover makes him happy, and I think he’ll always return there, and so will Kenny.

In fact, I’d guess that’s why there’s been no announcement about Kota’s contract: even from the interview posted the other day, there were some allusions to the possibility of working with Kenny again in the future. I would imagine that NJPW is still trying to figure out their relationship with Kenny, and Kota’s still trying to figure out how involved he can be with AEW. (I think I just outed myself as a Golden Lovers Truther—yeah, I think it’s somewhat likely that they’re an IRL couple, and as many IRL wrestling couples do, they’re working on separate continents.) My guess is Kota’s contract won’t be final until those details are ironed out. I don’t think they’d do all that work to get back together only to close and seal the door on it.

Only time will tell, but Kota hasn’t changed: fundamentally, he is still motivated by happiness. It’s just that he was happy long enough to know he can have it forever if he wants it, but he only has a few more years to get the trophy case his talent demands, to be the Kota Ibushi he thinks wrestling history deserves.

[edwardnashtons]

Re: Oswald/Edward sub vs dom. I've noticed in fandom fans tend to headcanon their favorites as a sub. So Oswald fans have a tendacy to headcanon him as a sub vs Ed fans. Of course this isn't 100%! Just a very general observation.

i don’t know how accurate your observation could be without actually keeping count to avoid confirmation bias. i’ll also say that i’m in a group chat dedicated to people whose favourite Gotham character is Ed and there was immediate top/bottom discourse because someone asked where we all stood. i didn’t keep a count either but it seemed like the majority wanted him as a ‘top’.

i think i wouldn’t have been so opposed to reading them as more versatile if the first fics i read—of which there were so, so many—weren’t so poorly done and downright ooc. they were honestly repulsive. now i find i am almost averse to the idea of reading Oswald in a more submissive role because it always seems so wrong to me.

i don’t doubt Ed could ‘top’ but i feel like if he did he wouldn’t be very confident and would want a lot of guidance from his partners. so even while ‘topping’ he wouldn’t be leading and would take cues from his partner. he’d adopt a more submissive role regardless of who’s literally on top or who’s dick/strap/fingers are going in who. edward gets very shy around his crushes, at least when they’re men. he more actively pursues women because that’s how he was taught to approach them.

but with Oswald, Lucius, even Jim, he’s hesitant about expressing affection. he melts at compliments despite still displaying confidence in his other interactions with them. he’ll happily state he’s the smartest man in Gotham while low key putting Lucius down and and striking a pose, and then blush like a schoolgirl when Lucius tells him he was helpful fifteen minutes later.

the thing is, Ed’s confidence is fake. it’s a mask. a persona. it’s fragile and he barely believes it himself. drawing from his comics backstory, his father constantly gaslighted him and undermined his own sense of intelligence. he tried to convince Ed he was an idiot and a cheater so that proof of his genius meant nothing. his mother might have contributed to a lesser degree, but at the very least we know she also hated him and wasn’t any help. if Edward is acting confident, it’s literally an act. at some point he said ‘alright, fake it til you make it’ and has been trying that out ever since.

so when someone describes him as confident, it’s very surface level. he’s suave and in control... but we can’t go five episodes without him having a complete mental breakdown, so is that really true? no. it’s not. it’s not a consistent personality trait. there’s something to said for the fact that Ed appears most confident when he is literally on a stage performing. because that’s all it is, a performance.

meanwhile, Oswald’s confidence is very real and is nearly unshakable. Ed was a witness to the one time it really broke after his mother’s death. but other than that, nothing ever stops Oswald for long because he knows he can do it and overcome it. even something as menial as building the submarine seems to shake Ed. ‘the sonar is a little harder than i thought it would be’, ‘oh, you’ll figure it out.’ ‘of course i will!’ how much of that reaction was frustration at Oswald and how much was frustration at himself and Oswald’s insinuation that he needed reassurance about his ability? he’s REALLY sensitive about the things that give him confidence and that is not a sign of a self-assured person!

this kind of got away from me but you got me thinking. anyways, if the fics i read weren’t so bad i could maybe read them switching but even then, Ed would still be a sub to me. there’s no reason he wouldn’t behave the same way, even if technically he’s ‘topping’ at that moment in time.

[phoenix-downer]

I'm still crossing my fingers for Kairi being the other playable character. No offense to any other big potential possibilities but we've 2 (3 if you count kh2) games playing Riku for a big portion of the game. Roxas had a whole game to himself as well as kh2 long prologue. Aqua technically starred in 2 games too. I'd love to have Kairi jist to finally have played all Destiny trio members and to see her fighting style. Plus since Light's going to expire maybe the keyblader who's a pure light --

(2/2) will be left standing in a reality overtaken by darkness? Idk, she’s already saved Sora’s butt once by basically defying all accepted logic. I have a feeling she could do it again (plus we’ve had so much Sora+Riku development and even really cute Kairi+Riku interactions, I want some heavy focus on the Sora+Kairi bond again considering they’re each other’s most important person).Answer, here be KH3 spoilers: 

I’d love for Kairi to be the other playable character for the reasons you mentioned, but lately I’ve been thinking there’s a good chance Roxas will be the other playable character instead.

For one, his move set is similar to Sora’s, so it’s probably easier to have him as a playable character.

For another, just like how we play as Roxas for a little while in KH2 and we even have to fight him near the end of the game, it would be an interesting twist to play as Roxas again, this time as the good guy fighting Sora near the end of the game (if Soranort happens).

Plus, if Sora falls to darkness saving Roxas, I can see Nomura going for the parallel of Roxas returning the favor and saving Sora.

And, let’s be honest, Roxas is a lot more popular with the fanbase than Kairi, and Nomura is probably aware of that. He tends to give more screentime to fan favorites like Lea, Aqua, and Riku (though Riku has waned in popularity somewhat in Japan at least) than to the (as of late) neglected Kairi and Naminé, who scored third and fourth place in the female character popularity poll behind Aqua and Xion. Of course, this is arguably even more of a reason to have Kairi be playable, but history is not on Kairi’s side here.

Would I like a playable Kairi? Yes, but honestly, I probably would enjoy playing as Roxas again. I’d rather have him be playable over Riku, since we’ve had plenty of chances to play as Riku already and DDD was more his game than Sora’s. Playable Riku wouldn’t ruin the game for me though; I do think if the other playable character was him, however, Nomura wouldn’t have been so secretive about it.

The one thing I do think that might hint at Kairi being a playable character is that she has been shown on the cover art with her Keyblade: 

This isn’t by any means conclusive, but it’s interesting to note that the only other characters who have their Keyblades on that cover art are Mickey, Sora, and Riku, who have all been playable at some point or other throughout the series.

My guess is that this is hinting that these four (Mickey, Riku, Sora, and Kairi) will be the main characters of this game, but it’s hard to say, and again, hoping for tons of screentime for characters who are not Sora is setting expectations that might not get met. 

But based on what we know, I think the narrative will follow three general arcs: Riku and Mickey’s search for Aqua and whatever comes next, Sora’s quest to gain the Power of Waking and find The Key to Return Hearts, and Kairi’s training along with Lea. It would make sense for at least one of these other main characters to be playable, and fingers crossed it’s Kairi.

Who knows, maybe we’ll get lucky and Sora, Kairi, and Riku will all be playable though! If Soranort does happen I’d love for Kairi (along with Riku) to be the ones to rescue him because of those potential parallels with KH1.

No matter what happens, however, give me more moments of Sora and Kairi bonding, please and thank you! As friends, as allies, as potential romantic interests, because we NEED to see more of their relationship! KH1 did a good job of this, but you’re exactly right - KH3 would do well to focus more on their bond again. They’ve been separated for so much of the series and that separation has NOT done their romantic development (or friendship, for that matter!) any favors. 

Think about it: we haven’t seen them on screen together since Blank Points. It’s been eight years (nine for the Japanese fans). Now, I think Nomura has something special planned for their reunion, because he carefully avoided having them meet in 0.2, but Square Enix in general lately has… not been good about having their main couples actually interact with each other (looking at you, Noctis and Luna and Snow and Serah, though the latter was much better about this than the former). And let’s face it, interaction is VITALLY important for a good romance! Don’t tell me they are deeply in love, SHOW me.

I am a HUGE SoKai fan, as anyone who has read my writing can tell you, but… even I know that if Nomura wants to further their romance in a believable way, they actually NEED to be on screen at the same time. Talking. Interacting. Cracking jokes. Making each other laugh. Comforting each other. Cheering each other up. Lingering gazes. Lingering hand holds. Reminiscing about shared memories. Grand romantic gestures. Small acts of love. Big acts of sacrifice.

And the thing is… every time they have been on screen together so far, their interactions have been fantastic! The chemistry is there, the emotion is there. Their reunions are always the highlights of the games. There just hasn’t been enough shared screentime, and the two of them desperately need more of it for their romance to develop believably.

I’d even argue that Sora’s feelings have been demonstrated well. There’s no doubt about how he feels about Kairi; he sacrificed his life for her in KH1, Xion looks like her because of how much she means to him; Naminé replaced his memories of her with memories of Naminé because Naminé knew she was the most important person to him, he can’t wake up in KH2 until he has his memories of her back, etc., etc. It’s not much of an exaggeration to say the plots of two entire KH games (COM and Days) have been centered around how much she means to him.

It’s more on Kairi’s end that I want to see more about what Sora means to her, and it’ll help if she has more screentime. Especially if she’s playable. That being said, I don’t want her to only think and talk about Sora; she needs to have just as much depth as he does. Let her interact with other people and have friends of her own, just like Sora has friends of his own. Her growing friendship with Lea is promising, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried that that’s going to center completely around Xion, given Xion’s popularity with the Japanese fans. I’m worried Lea won’t value Kairi for Kairi, instead the audience will just constantly be reminded of how much Kairi reminds him of Xion instead of treating Kairi like her own person.

I mean, c’mon, she’s the original! Without her Xion wouldn’t even look like she does! Naminé wouldn’t exist! Sora wouldn’t have needed to sacrifice himself to save her in the first place, so Roxas wouldn’t either, for that matter. For a series so big on how special and unique every heart is, no matter how it came into existence, it’s kind of shooting yourself in the foot if you treat one of the original main characters as lesser than the people she helped create! 

To be fair, though, that’s more just my concerns, and we don’t know how things will actually play out in the game, so I’ll reserve further judgment until then.

But I actually have hope that we will see Kairi and Sora interacting more in this game, mainly because of this:

“Destinies intertwine, and an oath becomes power” - combined with the quote about a new charm that seems to imply Kairi will be giving Sora some sort of leveled up version of her good luck charm, if not a completely new one, and my guess is that they will talk at least once before the final battle. Hopefully during the battle and after the battle as well. I have a hunch that even if Kairi is not playable, she might very well be a party member along with Riku for the final world.

And I am really excited about that. That screenshot above at least is proof that they’ll have time alone together to talk, which is in and of itself huge! The last time they were alone together was in KH1. Even in KH2 other people were present for their reunions. Alone time like this is a sign of something special, make no mistake about that :) (Edit to add: and no, I don’t think this is proof that Riku is dead. Riku exists outside of their relationship, and they exist outside of their relationship with Riku. He’s a good friend and knows when to give them their space, that’s all. Riku is also the deuteragonist of the series and it would make little sense to kill him off in a game that seems like it’s going to be all about saving and restoring people, but that could be an entire post of its own and I’ll leave things as they are for now). 

Anyway, this got really long-winded, but yes, I’m hoping Kairi is the other playable character too, because I want her to get the screentime and development she deserves.

Thanks for the ask!

[thenightling]

NOPE BOOK TAG!

Tag creator (A BookTube Book) - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQt_…

1. NOPE Ending: A book ending that made you go NOPE either in denial, rage or simply because the ending was crappy.

This is a tough one.  I rarely hate how literature ends.  I’ll name a few comics and then move on the literature.

Novels: The Man who fell to Earth by Walter Tevis (Love this novel but hate the ending.) The Dresden Files: Changes The Frankenstein Papers by Fred Saberhagen (He writes Dracula so well but his Frankenstein Monster...  Spoilers, he’s a f--king alien with amnesia.  That’s the twist.  He just THOUGHT he was created by Victor Frankenstein.  It’s so... Stupid. The Last vampire by Whitley Strieber.   Lilith’s Dream by Whitley Strieber   On my Honor

Lolita.  WHY is this a classic?!?

______________________________  

Comics: The Sandman: The Kindly Ones.  I know it’s a classic but out of all of the original Sandman this is the one I liked the least, loved the rest. The Dreaming (1990s to early 2000s version).   It’s just... awful. Madman & Monster (written by Steve Niles and published by IDW).  I hate the ending but like the premise.

Nineteen eighty-four by George Orwell.  Great novel, just very depressing.

Manga:

Return to Labyrinth.  The author (Jake T. Forbes) just wanted his cake and eat it too.  He establishes that Jareth is Sarah’s true love but at the same time decides that they can’t be together “For reasons” and has Toby give a “I learned something today” speech that lasts several pages to justify it.   No, if it’s true love, they’re supposed to be together.  Don’t try to placate both the shippers and the fans who want them to not be a couple, you won’t appease anyone if you try to appease both.    

Wolf’s Rain: It’s just so sad.   Why!??

 _______________________   

2. NOPE Protagonist: The main character you dislike and drives you crazy.

Novels: Miriam from The Hunger, The Last Vampire, and Lilith’s Dream by Whitley Strieber.   

The Vampire Armand from Anne Rice’s The Vampire Chronicles.   He’s too much of a Sadist.  I don’t understand the appeal.   Lolita.  WHY is this a classic?!

Comics:

Echo from The Dreaming (Late 90s / early 2000s version) 

Riri Williams, the current writing of the Captain Marvel comics,  actually pretty much all of Marvel at the moment... _______________________________________________ 

3. NOPE Series: A series that turned out to be one huge pile of NOPE after you’ve invested all of that time and energy on it, or a series you gave up on because it wasn’t worth it anymore.

Novels:

The Hunger book series by Whitley Strieber 

Anne Rice’s The Vampire Chronicles, most everything after Tale of The Body Thief and Tale of the Body Thief wasn’t that good... The Dresden Files.  I don’t know, my interest just kind of waned and also I came across a few unpleasant fans who legitimately believe women and men “talk differently” and “use different language” when speaking and told me a woman can’t write male characters and visa versa.   Mary Shelley begs to differ!    Comics: The current Sandman Universe comics...

Morbius: The Living Vampire (1990s run)

Manga:

Return to Labyrinth.  The author (Jake T. Forbes) just wanted his cake and eat it too.  He establishes that Jareth is Sarah’s true love but at the same time decides that they can’t be together “For reasons” and has Toby give a “I learned something today” speech that lasts several pages to justify it.   No, if it’s true love, they’re supposed to be together.  Don’t try to placate both the shippers and the fans who want them to not be a couple, you won’t appease anyone if you try to appease both.     

_________________________________ 

4. NOPE Popular pairing: A ship you don’t support.

I don’t really hate many pairings...

Oh, wait.  Lolita.  Do I really need to explain? Comics: Joker and Harley Quinn (original versions as created for Batman The Animated series.) Cain and Abel and their sister-wives in The Dreaming (late 90s to early 2000s comics).  That was just...  Oh, my God. Was that just to be edgy!?    For God’s sake, Abel’s fraternal twin sister was Cain’s wife and locked in attic!?   WTF?!? Lucien and Nuala (also in The Dreaming late 90s and early 2000s version).   Essentially “Hey, the people we’re in love with are dead.   Why don’t we hook up?” “Okay!  You’re good enough.  Let’s settle on each other.” 

Does Caitlin R. Kiernan have any concept of love, at all?  Steve and Bucky. Not because it’s a bad ship or because it’s gay but because the fans who support it are so rabid and if you suggest it’s not canon they immediately assume you’re a homophobe and send you hate.

SwanQueen (Emma Swan and The Evil Queen in Once Upon a Time) similar reasons as above.   ____________________________ 

5. NOPE. Plot twist: A plot twist you didn’t see coming or didn’t like.

The Frankenstein Papers by Fred Saberhagen.

(He writes Dracula so well but his Frankenstein Monster...  Spoilers, he’s a f--king alien with amnesia.  That’s the twist.  He just THOUGHT he was created by Victor Frankenstein.  It’s so... Stupid. _______________________________ 

6. NOPE. Protagonist action/decision: A character decision that made you shake your head NOPE.

Faust and his hornness for FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD Gretchen and almost everything he did because of that horniness. 

7. NOPE. Genre: A genre you will never read.

I don’t think there’s a genre I’d never read. But I’m not a big fan of young adult romances or bodice rippers and torture porn.    I’m not into errotica or graphic violence even though I adore Gothic Horror.

8.  Nope format:

Umm....  I prefer hardcover to paperback but I don’t avoid any particular format.  I do hate when the new Barnes and Nobel classics call things like Edgar Allan Poe and H. P. Lovecraft, Mary Shelley, and Bram Stoker “Gothic fantasy” written across the cover.  It perpetuates the idea that horror is lowbrow and it angers me that we refuse to consider good quality horror to be horror anymore. 

Anne Rice’s Prince Lestat (when I read it with wet hands and the dust jacket off) the color on the cover started to turn my fingers dark blue.   I never want that to happen again.  

9. NOPE. Trope: A trope that makes you go NOPE.

Long lost child that the protagonist didn’t know they had because the mother (or in rare cases someone else) thought it would be best the child never know they are related to the protagonist because their life is too dangerous / cursed / ect...  I hate when parental rights are stomped on for plot, and especially when “it’s okay because it’s the mother who did it and the mother just wants whats best for the child.”  

10. NOPE. Recommendation: A book recommendation that is constantly hyped and pushed at you that you simply refuse to read.

I’ve never refused to read a recommendation but I have later thought “Why did you think I’d like this?!”

Twilight “Because you love vampires.” Oh, and Frankenstein’s Monster: A Novel by Susan Heyboer O’keefe.  Just because he looks like the version from the Shelley novel doesn’t mean he acted like it.  That as awful.      

  ______________________________ 

11. NOPE. Cliche/pet peeve: A cliche or writing pet peeve that always makes you roll your eyes.

Wasn’t this already number 9?  I thought we covered this with tropes.  Many tropes are cliches.   Oh, well...

Long lost child that the protagonist didn’t know they had because the mother (or in rare cases someone else) thought it would be best the child never know they are related to the protagonist because their life is too dangerous / cursed / ect...  I hate when parental rights are stomped on for plot, and especially when “it’s okay because it’s the mother who did it and the mother just wants whats best for the child.”    (Cough) Susan in The Dresden Files. (Cough.)

Oh, and “He’s blue collar so we’re going to use him as the serrogate racist / bigot now even though he wasn’t before.”  (Cough)  Merv Pumpkinhead in the new version of The Dreaming. (Cough.)

12. NOPE. Love interest: 

I thought we established this with the ship conversation?

I don’t feel like re-writing it, just re-read that one.  Same answers apply.   I guess I can add The Corinthian from Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman.  You know if it ever gets a film or TV series adaptation someone somewhere will find him attractive and start making errotic art and fan fiction about him...

13. NOPE. Book: A book that shouldn’t have existed that made you say NOPE.

The Dreaming Late 90s early 2000s version.   I don’t really like saying any book shouldn’t exist. But there are some that are really awful sequels or insults to an established lore because of how subpar they are.   ___________________________________ 

14. NOPE. Villain: A scary villain/antagonist you would hate to cross and would make you run in the opposite direction.

The Corinthian from Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman and pretty much any antagonist created by George R. R. Martin. 

15. NOPE. Death: A character death that still haunts you.

Morpheus in Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman.

And even Abel’s death even though he comes back later.

___________________________ 

16. NOPE. Author: An author you had a bad experience reading and have decided to quit.

Anne Rice.  She doesn’t even remotely write the way she used to . It feels vapid now.  And i have trouble reconciling myself that the angry bird aliens from Brevena and the Replimoids exist in the same universe as Interview with the Vampire.   

Also she’s been very cruel and unprofessional in her behavior to those who have criticized her work and “I didn’t know I was sicking people on anyone” shared negative reviews with direct links to pages on her Facebook over the years.  it got nasty.  She even dug up one of my old reviews for Blood Canticle that I wrote FIFTEEN years ago!   

And to a lesser extent, J. K. Rowling.   Her views of Americans and especially “Nomaj” (linguistically) just makes me cringe internally.  Americans are the more old fashioned with language, not hipster (i.e Elevator vs. Lift, Cellular phone vs. Mobile). Not to mention cloistered religious-style orders (like Catholicism) use the same terms from country to country.  This is also true with Wicca.  Linguistically the American terms in Fantastic Beasts do NOT make sense.   

@sorry-for-the-chocolate @thesaramonster @zal001 @missghostlymoonshadow @kaimaciel @endlessemptynight @deathlyendless @vagaryhexxx @thegreatvampirekiller @unnecessaryhorns @sweatyeddieandaliengoo

[nehawriter16]

2018, THE YEAR THAT BROKE ME

I’m currently sitting on the floor of my bedroom. It’s been a day of avoiding real work and responsibilities, but then again, escapism is kind of the theme of this year, so it’s only accurate that I’m here writing this.

Everybody is asleep, except me. And the men I like who live overseas, but they’ve been ignoring me, so I have no desire to ring them up despite the general despair and loneliness I feel. But let’s not begin our round up with boys, because although they rank high on my list of important life lessons/disappointments this year, I don’t want also want to give them the satisfaction of first place.

In the last 365 days, a lot about my life changed. I’m going to try to sum it up as best as I can.

1) In the beginning of December, I quit an internship that anybody else would have killed for. The work and constant travelling and being yelled at by crude seniors broke the delicate petal that I am. I’d landed that job at 19, and I loved that I was thrown into the adult world so early because it taught me a lot, but two years of showing up every day to do something I don’t love killed something inside of my brain. And so, I decided to take a month off and then move to a smaller firm, not realising that my job at EY would help to keep my sanity by keeping me occupied.

The first few weeks were bliss. After twelve hour work days, I suddenly had a lot of free time and I indulged in attending fun trainings and catching up with old friends. For a short second, life was filled with hope, up until my birthday in mid Jan.

2) Since I now had the luxury of lesser work hours, I decided to pursue one of my biggest dreams – writing a book. I already had the story in mind, and I thought that despite the emotional turmoil that revisiting some of the memories would bring, the bigger picture would be worth it. It’s almost the end of December now, and I’m still sure it is.

But the truth is – my relationship with A blossomed in 2016, and died a premature death in mid 2017. And I’ve been dragging it through the ground for longer than I should be. Sometimes I wonder if I’m solely responsible for squeezing it for the story. Or maybe it was the kind of love you can’t forget. Well, I can’t. I’m sure he has.

But one of the hardest things about writing this has been taking myself back to when we were falling for each other. I’ve been reading emails about hopes and dreams and forever after it has already ended. And how do you write about happiness when you know there isn’t going to be any? All this is important for the narrative, yes, but it fucks with my mental health so badly. 2016 me was naive and trusting. 2018 me is bitter, and not too thrilled about revisiting those moments mostly because of how much they hurt just to think about, forget turning them into an interesting cliff hanger filled story.    

I have almost finished writing it though, and that’s what’s the more important thing. I don’t know what kind of nightmares publishing and finding an agent and royalties is going to bring, but at least I will have created something tangible and coherent instead of this faraway thing that I’ve dreamt of since I was 13.

3) I tanked my CA Final – and this was the biggest disappointment, no surprises there. More than the gallons of self loathing it brought on me, it was about the burden I created for my parents. Yesterday my mother, in a burst of anger, said, “If you don’t pass in May, you can’t live under our roof anymore.” She doesn’t know this, and she probably never will, but I cried myself to sleep because that thought terrifies me.

I feel like I am already just swimming through a rubble of guilt. Most people my age have already gotten well paying jobs and have been living out of home for years now. They are financing themselves and starting businesses and I don’t even read the newspaper on a daily basis. I lack the self control I used to have in school, or maybe my mother’s constant nagging and being up my ass was the only way I stayed successful when I was younger.

Of course, this career choice was a MASSIVE bad decision, and I’ve always felt out of place in it. I will never be the best, but I really do need to pass and finish. If I can’t pass it again, I will literally sink into unconquerable depression that no amount of therapy and medicines will be able to pull me out of.

I’m supposed to start studying from the 1st, and I hope that it doesn’t drive me FUCKING INSANE like the last time it did, because this time, the pressure is higher and time, lesser.

I still have some grit left in me though. The last two months of this year have been difficult, but creatively fulfilling, and I am okay with having to go back to analytical subjects again. I feel sane enough to drop into the mental battlefield that is the CA Final syllabus.  

 4) I’m 23 in a fortnight, and at least 5 of my friends got engaged this year. I was the oldest in school in my batch so they’re all younger than me. This whole finding a boy thing is stressing me the fuck out, because as per my calculations, it would take a year of courting for me to so much as like somebody seriously. After that, it would take two years for me to try every possible method to drive him away, and torture him with all my hamartias, and THEN if he doesn’t leave, and when he proposes, I’ll be like, “Okay fine. Maybe we can be engaged.” This whole process takes 3 years. I want to be married at 26, so I only have those many. The problem is that in this time period, it will not only be difficult to find an emotionally available boy with a pretty face – WAIT, for him to find me, because women don’t do the chasing – who is also sexy and charming and reads poetry and has a sensible head on his shoulders. No, in this time period I will also be taking solely career-oriented decisions as one must, and love will always take the backseat. I want to move abroad in 2020 and he may live somewhere else, and it’s clear from my several failed attempts that I can’t do long distance. Also to be noted that you cannot try this experiment with different men simultaneously. It’s sort of a one lab rat at a time type of test.

So what, then? Fuck feelings, and only be serious with hook ups? I think I’ve filled my 2018 with at least a two dozen of those hot but dumb types (tall, abs, rolling in money, half a brain, bonus if they’re good kissers, but you can never date them seriously) and to be honest I’m getting tired of them. First of all, they’re all pussies about the poetry, it literally frightens them which I find kind of hilarious, but it’s also annoying. Sure, we can roll a joint and make out on my terrace, and they’ll just pull up when I find myself getting even the least bit lonely, but the ones I really like – the fuckboys who I see have real turning into boyfriend potential – they live abroad. It’s so cliché, I might vomit, but they literally live in London and New York. London Boy is only here for a month and then he’s gone. New York one may stay back, but he always wants to meet after midnight and there’s no fucking way my parents are allowing that.

And let’s face it, I’m a relationship girl. Sure, I’ve picked up some skills with hooking up and if we’re being honest I don’t really have to make an effort, just pick a half-interesting loser from the hundred DM’s sitting in my Instagram, and it’s done. He does the work and buys the drinks. I put out. I ghost. It’s practically a system.

But I’m bored now. I need somebody entertaining. But no matter what, one of the most important lessons I’ve learnt this year is to never settle for less than what I deserve. (At least for my heart. My body gets it when she likes it, and thats enough.) So I say no to…well, everybody. True love has literally been evading me, and may for a while, I think until this CA shit is done, because it’s more important anyway.

Until then, I literally have a broadcast list called, “FWB.”

4) Do I even need to write about fake friends? Girls are so fucking FAKE NICE, it irritates me. And I have a great group of these girls in my life, who want nothing more than to use you as a stool to get to where they want. I have very few real friends and I’m so grateful for them (okay, her) because everybody else is just about the temporary bullshit. I am always afraid of judgement with them, and everything I say comes with a “what will they think of me?” filter. I don’t think real friendships should be like that at all. No, in a true friendship, you should be able to take both – your make up and fake bitch mask off and sit around in sweats, drinking and complaining about everything that’s wrong with your life.

Is this really how adults act? Will I always have to worry about the ulterior motives of everybody new I meet? And even scarier, if I spend enough time around them, will I also turn into a self centered asshole with no backbone? Will I forget who I am and start adapting to the social settings into which I’ve been thrust?

Because I hope not. Despite everything that’s happened this year, and despite almost losing my mind to mental health (yes! A thing I am still not ready to talk about! But someday will be!) I actually like my brain and what its capable of, once it starts trying. I like the stuff I come up with, the way my thoughts come out as sentences. I am actually a fan of the voice in my head, who – let’s face it – has been a real ass friend to me also. Even though she kind of went crazy with the depression, but I think the recovery has begun.

2018 was a fucking shithole, and god, I fell deep. I know 2019 is going to be even harder but I hope it is filled with more genuine happiness because it’s been a long time since I felt “happiness” as a permanent, internal feeling. It’s just been more of a fleeting and momentary thing for a few hours before the sadness envelopes me and takes lead.

So I hope that when I speak to you in – and over – the next 365 day period that’s about to begin, I am able to share some more hope and joy with you. I hope the motherfucker I’m going to marry stops sitting around on his ass and finds me, because I’m ready for my heart to be won over again. I have mourned enough, and fucked half the high spirits crowd. But most of all… I hope this book I’ve written does well. Not just because it’s a brilliant piece of shit, and a beautiful fucking story (if I may say so myself) but mostly because I really like clothes and I could use the money.

Also it would be great to stop feeling so mediocre all the time, so yeah. That would be nice. Will keep you updated Tumblr!

Love,

NC