#( Schlong thread was a good

[blitzbuckz]

【𐂃】 they were both a bawling mess, as much as Blitzø refused to admit it-- it was plain as day. He couldn't keep up the tough guy act, not when he had finally received the closure he's been yearning.

They had a series of unfavorable accidental encounters, which were finally laid to rest with this one more unpremeditated moment. He didn't meant to bring up the letter, he didn't want to recall their traumatizing turmoils. Needless to say, he was grateful to relive them again-- not alone, but with someone close to him who had suffered a great deal too.

The assassin raised a hand to careful adjust his former partner's cap. Assuring it kept covering the traces of their past-- their broken horns he so desperately wished he could mend.

❝ I missed y' too... I fuckin' missed y' so much!!! ❞ he instantly tugged them close again, wrapping his arms to squeeze && lift them off the ground a few inches. Sweeping them off their heels to spin themselves briefly. Burying his head onto their shoulders during their everlasting twirls before placing them back down. Returning his gaze with theirs.

❝ I didn't like seein' ya get used for profit, I hated that I couldn't do a damn thing 'cuz... no matter how hard I tried I couldn't reach y'. Everythin' kept gettin' in the way... it pissed me off so much-- that I couldn't control my anger. I took it out on ya... I said things I regretted too. I did have my own life but-- it wasn't the same without y'. Nothing ever was. I missed when we carjacked together, or the times y' helped me steal my dad's booze. I couldn't forget all of our mischiefs moments, not in a million years. Y'... made me who I am too. I... would like nothin' more than to... atone together. Yeah, we can take it a step atta time. ❞ he cooed, beaming a sheepish smile of his own. Deliberately removing their robotic hand from his facials to plant a small kiss on top of it. With his other hand, he then tipped Fizz's chin for a closer eye connection.

❝ my lazy jokes... failed solo acts... dyin' alone. Y'know, fucked up shit. Although... they didn't came close to the real thing. yer mouth is prettier to look at up-close. well, then again... yer replica did catch a bullet between their teeth. ❞ he'd tease with a soft chuckle. Loosing his tail's bind over theirs to allow the jester to break free if they wanted to. Respecting their boundaries.

At this point Fizz was scared that he had broken Blitzø up even more, flaring up his ptsd for things. That was never his intention. And this is why he really should start thinking twice, hell even thrice if possible. Fizz kept his friend close hoping he would snap out of it. There wasn't much he could say without starting repeat himself at this point. He was scared that Blitzø had gone in bad place of his mind... something that was a thing for even Fizz after waking up in a hospital, not being able to move around, being force fed with lies about Blitzø. The depression was real back then. . . He just wished the other imp would just come back to him.

After a short moment of silence Fizz began tearing up as he thought this horrid moment might have hurt Blitzø even more deep, him suddenly speaking up made the jester blink in confusion. The rush of relief washed over Fizz after hearing Blitzø's voice. A small smile formed on his face as well. Their entwined tails did calm Fizz down a lot, he even could feel their heartbeat. It felt so nice.

Quietly listening Blitzø talk without interrupting him. The smile he had on his face was soon replaced with confused and sad frown. Hallucination? And Robo said what? On what rights was Robo Fizzarolli ever spit that shit at Blitzø's face!? He could feel a strong feeling of anger on the inside. Even when living apart for 15 years where Fizz was angry at Blitzø, he could never bring himself to hate him. Sure there was a moment he forgot he ever loved Blitzø, but it was just buried under all the negative emotions.

Fizz still had his arms wrapped around Blitzø as they backed up a little, now facing the messy face of his friend. It hurt to see him like this. They were both mess at this point. But the small, sad, smile found it's way on Fizz's face as he have few slow nods.

"O-of course I forgive you! I've missed you so much during this 15 years. You always made my day if not because you were the funniest person I ever knew but just being there with me.. sharing all the time we spend together.. not only on stage. Suddenly you not being there. . . it was the worse thing ever. Fuck the fiery explosion, it didn't even hurt as much as us not being a thing no more" Fizz managed to speak up even if it still felt like there was a lump in his throat as he felt like wanting to cry some more. "And don't force yourself with the... love thing. To me it's more important that we are back in good terms. . . a-and like you said 15 years was a long time.... a lot have been happening between the time." he didn't expect Blitzø ever love him back the way Fizz loved him when they were younger. And to be fair it would get even more complicated since Fizz was currently in a relationship with the Sin of Lust. But nonetheless he still felt a lot for Blitzø, even love which he couldn't admit back then or now.. especially not now.

Slowly stretching out his limbs he gently wiped off the tears from the corner of Blitzø's eyes minding not to poke him in the eye or anything. "Wh-what was that about hallucination? And Robo? How do you know him? I mean only if you don't mind telling me. . . " he paused for a moment, reaching to brush his thumb gently against Blitzø's cheek.

"All I can say that's one huge bs what he said, and I'm sorry he ever opened his mouth."

[zayne-snowman]

Sksksjdjd CS! Zayne (but unrelated to that other thread) suggestive

----------------------

To end a nice late night study session, me and the girls decide to treat ourselves to a silly little gossip. The library is open 24 hours now but it's still off peak times in the academic year so we're probably the only ones here. The librarians are at their desk fairly far away.

In our defence....no one's around to hear so that's why we think it's acceptable to discuss who's secretly a freak in the sheets from our mutual classes so publicly.

"Hear me out, hear me out....Zayne."

I'm met with scorn and questionable looks.

"Oh come on! You can't deny he's kinda🫦!"

My point is conceded to with great reluctance. No one deny he's physically attractive. But I'm reminded (as if I need it), he's antisocial, mean and ignores everything and everyone who's not a professor or study notes. We argue over whether it's a good sign to be that dedicated or a little unhinged.

"In a way, that's even better! All that pent up tension, he should probably take it out on something.....or someone. Namely me!"

We laugh a little louder but we're at the back and it's like one am we don't care as much.

One of my friends joke that he probably hates me because I'm a yapper and I agree but not without adding, "Zayne could shut me up any day with that long schlong" before we burst into giggles again.

-🌺

Unbeknownst to the group, Zayne is almost always at the library, and can very clearly hear the conversation. At first he was going to stop it short and tell you all to leave, since you're disrupting the peace, but the mention of his name makes him stay still.

You're... Talking about him? Not only that, but in a sexual way? He listens with baited breath, trying to stay quiet, since you clearly don't know he's there.

He rolls his eyes when they point out his 'flaws' (he thinks they are exaggerating). Although, he can't disagree with your point. He is pent up. But he should ignore it and keep working hard to achieve his goals.

Having had enough of all the nonsense he's hearing, he stands up to leave the library and find a different spot to study. Moreover, he has to... Calm himself... After all those blunt declarations.

Very openly, in front of your group, he walks out of the library, adding, "Do you even know how libraries work? You're supposed to be quiet."

[thdramas2]

732569349240553472

Kokokerome was caught previously sending himself anon hate and using slurs with proof provided to prove it was him on burner accounts in a different thread on TH so I’d be really wary about believing he’s being harassed genuinely. He clearly thrives on attention and at this point he’s doing what he knows people will hate to keep himself relevant and getting the attention even if it’s negative. Some people really believe any publicity and attention is good even if it makes them look like an insufferable asshole.

As for being jealous that he can’t draw as well as Miorjah, he admitted on his own that he once idolized and looked up to Miorjah and was “inspired” by them IN HIS OWN DOCUMENT. There is a real possibility that he could feel jealous, though possibly more of the attention that the art style, which is why he’s resorting to copying not just from them at this point but others too.

He’s also grossly obsessed with the Princessfur community yet every OC he makes based on someone else’s character from that community is the same ugly ass femboy with an ass the size of a barn that looks horrendously out of proportion to the rest of the design. They literally all look the same because Kokokerome has one body type they can draw and nothing else. Don’t even get me started on those swollen lips he draws on every character either. It’s disgustingly fetishy that every most of his female named and looking characters are hiding giant schlongs under their outfits too.

It’s also unnerving that he’s still copying from Miorjah’s visual style and layouts while they have him blocked too. Dude has no respect for anyone’s boundaries or property as long as he’s interested in it, and now we know he’ll take what he wants even if someone else bought it before he could. Absolutely disgusting behavior from someone trying to make art their income, but more disgusting are the people defending and enabling him.

Miorjah has a complex they need to get over because their OC is a boring ass unicorn and they don’t own the concept of white unicorns, but there are way too many similarities between Koko’s OCs and Miorjah’s and other artists that it’s crossing into the problematic territory. And at this point Koko knows exactly what he’s doing, and it’s intentional. His actions are coming back to bite him based on the outfit theft issue, so sooner or later his actions will catch up to him and he’ll either have to change, or he’ll have to try and rebrand but that would involve drawing something other than barn assed femboys with swollen BJ lips so I can’t see that happening since it’s literally all he draws and all he seems to know how to draw even while stealing from others.

Dude gives me the creeps for real.

huh

you learn smthin new everyday

[ceo-of-daichi]

Mostly you walk around inside the enclosure and watch them. It’s definitely not boring though because there are so many of them playing, fighting, and sleeping all over the place! *smiles* for ¥500 though, they will let you hold one of the domesticated foxes on your lap for a while. *looks up when the server brings two steaming plates and sets them on the table* I’ll have to start saving up for us to go to Norway then. *winks* That’ll be our first big trip together. -Daichi

I could probably sit and watch foxes play for hours on end. Kinda like the ocean, i could watch the ocean forever i think its so relaxing! *smiles excitedly* that sounds like it would be worth it and i am definitely going to do that.*laughs and smiles when the server puts the food in front of us* I guess you should because that would be an amazing trip, especially with you *blushes slightly and starts eating*

[hollyhomburg]

Been thinking.

do you think mc would like cockwarming kook in her mouth? i kinda imagine that she hates suckin schlong bc of 🤢him🤢 and knowing she has full control of kook in her mouth and knowing it isn’t even that much must kinda feel nice?

idk. horny + drunk + sleep deprived me is having incoherent thoughts

no no no your thoughts are very very coherent and you should speak more!!!! i definitely think that she would and that she will do this in cannon. i'm not going to spoil much but yeah cookie's the perfect little sweet mouthful for the m/c when her oral fixation is acting up, i'm just picturing koo whining and threading his hands into the m/c because even though it's not really a blowjob- after a few minutes he's definitly fully hard and close

and she's just huffing these little breaths, nose tickling the little bits of hair he has on his pelvis and she can't help herself cuz he just smells so good and sweet and tastes so simple and calming to her- her kookie, her koo. so she starts to lick and play with his skin just trying to sate her empty mouth.

and the others would just fondly watch and she might not even notice when he cums because it was mostly clear and tastes just fainly sweet like all male omega cum, and just a few dribbles and twitches in her mouth as she mindlessly laps at him and sucked slightly- maybe even painslut koo likes the drag of her teeth ever so lightly against the base of him, he's perfect sucking size, their little honey loli pop pup~

she wouldn't even care when the seat of his pants or the nest got soaked with slick, dripping and dripping until her chest is soaked with it because koo's messy like that <3 the others taunting him like "oh? is our pup enjoying our other pup's mouth? you just be still koo and let our /good/ pup play with you"

[frogtanii]

hq boys as the crimes they’d commit

warnings: CRIMES, crackfic, probably many typos idk i’m so tired lmaooo, cursing, drinking ??? idfk 😩💦

an: and i did this for what?? inspired by hq hcs royalty @sugardaddykenma @hina-wit-da-glock (AJSKSJ SORRY FOR TAGGING Y’ALL IF YOU SEE THIS, IT IS DEF NOT UP TO PAR W Y’ALLS WORKS ILY)

karasuno

sawamura daichi- insurance fraud!! somehow this is such a dad crime to commit?? dadchi didn’t try (dumb excuse, how do you accidentally commit insurance fraud smh) to commit insurance fraud but at one point in his late-thirties, he was very very broke and was already working as much as possible so, he decided to fake an ankle injury, as you do, and filed a bunch of claims which made him bank. daichi kept doing it until he was able to quit one of his jobs and buy himself a really nice suit and a rolex (uhhh 🥵). he somehow never got caught tho and to this day, none of his friends know how he was able to afford a tesla on a cop’s salary (sorry daichi but acab 😔✨)

sugawara kōshi- child abandonment!! ok you can try and fight me on this but i feel in my bones that suga absolutely despises children. he can tolerate ages 10+ but anything younger than that, he will punt them into the next dimension. the thing is, people just assume he likes kids because of how good he is with his team which is why his aunt begged him to babysit his nephew taro. taro was being an absolute brat when suga took him out for the day and he was 👉👈 this close to snapping. he put taro down for like 3 seconds to pay for their ice cream and when he turned back, the demon spawn was gone. he panicked, running around the park looking for taro when it turns out, taro was just bent down behind the bench. some random karen called the police and suga has never craved murder more.

nishinoya yuu- arson!! you CANNOT tell me nishinoya doesn’t have a ~murder~ playlist that he listens to to get himself hype (me too noya, me too). one night, he got a lil too hype listening to start a riot by duckwrth and watching demolition videos on youtube. he snuck out of his house to an empty shed like 30 minutes away and maybe... lit it on fire while genocide by lil darkie played on a speaker nearby. what he did NOT anticipate was the absolute size of the fire so he freaked out and called the firefighters who promptly called the police. he didn’t want to get grounded so he called daichi to bail him out. daichi still told noya’s parents 😔.

tanaka ryūnosuke- vandalism!! tanaka had been on alt tiktok and saw a group of cool friends spray painting an abandoned building. he thought “that’s cool, lemme do that!” but then he realized he had no friends (AHDGS JK I LOVE TANAKA). he asked nishinoya who was grounded from the arson incident and he knew he definitely couldn’t ask daichi, suga, asahi, or enoshita so he decided to go it alone. that proved to be a MASSIVE mistake. he got the supplies, arrived to the building of his choice (thanks saeko :3), and decided to spray paint a huge p3ni5 in bright red paint. he finished “successfully” and zoomed back home. what he didn’t realize with his two-and-a-half braincells is that he signed his glorious piece with his full name. the cops were at his house the next morning...🧍

hinata shoyō- forgery!! hinata did NOT think that forgery was even a crime. how was he supposed to know that he wasn’t allowed to copy his mom’s signature on a permission form! all he wanted was to go to an overnight training camp 😿

kageyama tobio- attempted murder!! kageyama swears it sounds worse than was and he is absolutely incorrect. what happened was so much worse. he and hinata were having a competition to see who could hold their breath the longest underwater (you can’t tell me they haven’t done some dumbass shit like this) and kageyma lost almost instantly (he has the tiny lungs of an asthmatic). he didn’t want hinata to notice so he held hinata’s head under the water for like 10 seconds. suga walked in though, saw hinata thrashing around in the water and immediately called the police. kageyama never forgave him.

tsukishima kei- cyberbullying!! first of all, i had no idea you could get arrested for cyber bullying!? that being said, neither did tsukishima who spent 80% of his time making fun of people online (and on his real account!! bold). eventually one of the people he bullied (hinata) reported him on instagram and his very lame account was deleted (pls don’t bully people online 😤).

yamaguchi tadashi- shoplifting!! andjksh this is so funny because this scenario has happened to me and i can just SEE this happening to poor tadashi. yamaguchi gets super late night cravings (and usually tsukki will walk with him at like 3 am 🥺 nEWAYS) so he’ll sneak out and walk to the mini-mart near his house. one night, he was so tired but also super hungry so he went onto his nightly routine and basically sleepwalked into the store. he picked out his favorite chips and candy bar (which are sour cream&onion lays and milky ways in case you were wondering 😌✨) and just... walked out the store without paying. the store clerk was mysteriously missing so yamaguchi made it all the way home, ate half the bag of chips and passed out without realizing what he’d done. once he did, he cried for 2 hours straight.

nekoma

kuroo tetsurō- telemarketing fraud!! kuroo originally did telemarketing fraud as a joke?? like he was trying to prank call someone pretending that they had lost their information and they actually gave it to him??? he was mildly concerned but even more excited. he did it over and over again but he never used the info for anything. to this day, kuroo literally has a notebook full of credit card numbers and bank account passwords but he refuses to use it because he believes it’s ✨wrong✨(but it isn’t wrong to take all that information in the first place under false pretenses, not realizing that once people find out, they are forced to close credit cards and accounts but go off self righteous king). once he brought the book up to kenma and he offered to sell it on the dark web. now kuroo feels less bad about what he’s done! :D

kozume kenma- computer crime!! pfttt this one seems kinda obvious but what do you expect from kenma :). he spends so much time on the internet, he’s definitely picked up some less than legal skills that still help him now 👀. kenma did little mini crimes like getting into other people’s wifi but his crowning achievement was when he hacked into the minneapolis pd website and had it so when you opened the page, a black lives matter screen came up. he never told anyone that it was him who did it but he thinks it’s the best he’s ever done.

yaku morisuke- racketeering!! yaku, the feral king, ran an underground gambling ring in the basement of nekoma (do they have basements?? who knows! i don’t!) during his third year. the only reason it didn’t get shut down was because coach nekomata took a portion of yaku’s profits whenever he won (which was literally all the time). everyone on the team has lost money to him which is why they never play with him anymore. they won’t even let yaku play monopoly 😔.

haiba lev- indecent exposure!! poor lev’s head is so empty, he tends to fall for whatever pranks his senpai’s do to him. this time kuroo had somehow convinced him that in order to grow his schlong, he had to run outside naked for 10 minutes because the moonlight had special growing properties. lev was a lil scared ngl because he was already superrr tall and didn’t need to grow his height (or his dick ((boy is hung)) but poor lev is insecure) but he did it anyway. long story short, an old woman saw him parading around the neighborhood naked and called el policia. 0/10 dick did NOT grow and had to spend a night in jail naked 😿

aoba johsai

oikawa tōru- prostitution!! KAKKAKA iwazumi made fun of oikawa for being so shitty and said that he couldn’t pick up anyone if he tried. flattykawa took this as a personal challenge and went out onto the street, asking people if they’d have sex with him. with the way he was asking (and the way he was dressed), people assumed he was a paid w h o r e and someone eventually reported him. iwazumi had to pick oikawa up from the station- he never let him live this one down.

iwaizumi hajime- battery!! it wasn’t technically battery but oikawa is a lil bitch and overreacts (at least in his words -_-). the amount of times iwa-chan has beat the absolute shit out of oikawa is uNREAL. he just can’t handle the stupidity sometimes so he just smacks the crap outta him. not for real for real but the way oikawa reacts, you’d think a murder was occurring. one time, shittykawa screeched so loud, they got a noise complaint -_- hajime hates it in these streets.

matsukawa issei & hanamaki takahiro- conspiracy!! issei and hiro have a secret blog where they discuss conspiracy theories and such but one day, hiro found an article that explained how jfk’s death was an inside job. he sent it to issei who began to theorize how HE’D do it. that devolved into a massive thread on their blog of how’d they murder a president which blew up and caught the attention of the cia who sent the a letter telling them to quietly delete the blog. they did because they were terrified but they kept the letter and now it’s framed in issei’s apartment.

kyōtani kentarō- assault!! baby is an angry little boy but for all the right reasons. he was at a bar (when he’s all grown up, duh) and he spotted an absolute drunk creep hitting on a girl who clearlyyyy did not reciprocate his feelings. kyōtani, being the respectful king that he is, went over to the guy, pulled him by the jacket and beat. the. shit. out of him. while the bartender was happy with the fact that the creep was out, he was not impressed with the damage to his bar. he just sent kyōtani out who casually adjusted his leather jacket and rings, and hopped on his motorcycle to ride away into the night. i am the FATTEST simp for this man ONG 🥴

shiratorizawa

ushijima wakatoshi- stalking!! poor ushijima has no idea how intimidating he can be. he was on a train late at night after practice and the woman sitting across from him left her purse sitting on the seat. being the gentleman that he is, he took the purse and followed her to return it. the only problem is that the closer he got, the faster she ran and when he tried to speak (yknow with his scary, deep, baritone voice), the woman screeched and called the cops on him because he was a “strange, big man who was following her home.” when the police showed up, ushijima was painfully confused and just held up this tiny ass purse in his massive hands. the cops laughed.

tendō satori- ???!! no one knows what crimes (or how many 😳) tendō has committed but each of his teammates have different ideas- ushijima: “i don’t believe tendou is capable of committing any sort of felony. well, maybe murder”; semi: “of COURSE he’s capable of crimes??! do you know how many times i’ve seen him come into the dorm with a suspicious stain of red on his sweater?? *shudders* if i end up dead, tendō did it...” in actuality, the only crime tendō has committed is ~drugs~ but he’s not bouta tell his friends that.

goshiki tsutomu- would be a VICTIM!! my baby tsutomu would NEVER commit a crime!!! i love this man with my everything and the only crime he’s committed is being too damn cute 😤🥺

[dzamie-oc]

06 - Mech

Ah, aren’t Synths wonderful? Modular, and you can make them do gender and sexuality in whatever way you please.

Length: 2200 words Rating: M (no sex actually happens, but genitalia are discussed a lot) Summary: A woman and her robo-derg go shopping for some parts to spice up their bedroom activities.

Minors DNI, please. It’s rated M for a reason.

-----

Lauren and her Synth, Haskell, stood at the entrance to the robotics store. It wasn’t an official outlet for his manufacturer, so they would technically be voiding his warranty, something that might have concerned them if he had still had one. As it was, however, the reason they simply stood there was less robotic and far more human.

[I told you for weeks, I’m only going in after you,] Haskell said, his primary lights a mirthful yellow against his blue and light grey plating, [watching your face go through so many emotions is well worth the delay.]

The human gently shoved him, her face hot with a blush. “Shut up, I’m getting to it.”

[Would it help if you pretended we were here to look at different parts?] The synthetic dragon took a couple steps forward, peering at the shelves. [I wonder if they’ve got a simulation link set up for a naga lower half. Oh, don’t worry, Lauren, it’s well outside of our price range, I’d only be demoing in VR. You won’t have to worry about my tail wrapping you up in your sleep any more than it already does.]

This did not in any way help Lauren’s blush, but she did stomp forward and stubbornly cross the threshold into the store. Haskell’s visor displayed blue carets for his eyes as he followed her inside. On a side thread, he bragged to other synths in their IRC chat room how positively adorable his owner looked after some well-placed teasing, and he received some encouragement, and a link to an image of a synth with a hand at the end of her tail giving him three thumbs up.

“Hey, you two!” one of the employees, a two-tailed fox, called, “good to see you again. Haskell, how’s that projector module treating you?”

“Oh, hey Shay!” Lauren replied, her nervousness instantly abated. “It’s been real useful. Now we don’t have to settle for my desktop’s monitor to watch stuff together.”

[Or my visor.]

“That was ONE TIME. Anyway, thanks for the recommendation, and... half un-thanks for telling Haskell that it’s so port-neutral.” The human jabbed a thumb towards Haskell. “Nothing quite like walking back from the bathroom to see this guy on the bed, zero legs, with a My Little Pony AMV projecting out the bottom of his torso onto the opposite wall.”

Shay looked on the verge of laughter. The blue and grey Synth scrossed his arms and turned his head up and away, while his visor displayed a gentle U shape on each side. [My taste is far beyond you organics’ comprehension. Time will vindicate me.]

“A blast and a half, I’m sure. Anyway, what brings you two back in? Looking for hardware or software?”

“Oh. Uh, hardware,” Lauren said.

[In more ways than one,] Haskell added, to a returning and deepening blush on his owner’s face.

The fox furrowed her brow, then a look of comprehension crossed her face. “Ohhh... well! Let me go grab Conny, and she’ll show you to that rather special workshop.” She strode over to a door behind the counter, stuck her head in, and shouted, “Ay Conny! Got a customer for the fun stuff! Come and get ‘em!”

A few seconds later, a synth head popped out from behind the door, pale red around a dark visor featuring a slit-pupil eye display. “The fun stuff? Oh, must be the human lady and the blue bot. Come around and follow me.”

Haskell and Lauren shared a look at the prospect of walking behind the registers, but after a moment, Haskell shrugged and followed the other Synth through the employees door, with Lauren behind him, mindful of his tail. [She pinged me over short-wave, said it’s standard enough for this sort of thing,] he explained.

Conny turned out to be not only a pale red, but an entire slightly-desaturated rainbow from head to foot. Her tail had fewer segments than Haskell’s, but was the same length, so he assumed it was some storage model. When she turned from the hallway into a side room, something rattled in her tail, and he mentally congratulated himself on the guess. The human and Synth also stepped inside, and were immediately surprised at what they saw.

It was clearly a Synth workshop, with a sturdy table, a selection of mechanical and electronic tools on one wall, and a number of wires for fast data transfer. But what was unusual to the pair was a solid half of a wall featuring artificial penises and vaginas. Haskell quickly switched his primary lights to a reddish pink to fit the room, same as he saw Conny do. Many of the genitals were clearly modeled after other species; Haskell quickly identified pairs resembling those of dolphins, wolves, nagas, and several kinds of dragon. But some were purely fantastical, or even designed to look congruous on a Synth. On the opposite wall hung various erotic chestplates, although those weren’t nearly as varied in their design. Haskell’s attention did linger on a pair that featured a port on each breast where the nipple would be on a human or anthro, and the thought spurred him to link a photo to the IRC, followed by “consider: boobs that can grab you back.” To his surprise, one of the other denizens shared that she had a model like that, and joked that she’d share photos for five bucks.

[So! My name is Delilah Conagher, but you can call me Conny,] the rainbow Synth said, [and this is where we keep the lewd. Now, you don’t have to answer this, but this is gonna be for you two? Or has...] A request for information appeared in Haskell’s comms; he let her see his name and pronouns. [Or has Haskell come with his owner, but plans to use this stuff on someone else?]

[Oh, I sure hope this is for us. Otherwise, I’m gonna be pretty let down after all that flirting we’ve done to each other.]

[Faaaaan-tastic. Now, what’re we kitting you out with?] Conny’s eyes curved up and a few twinkling stars blinked in her visor, a common sign that a Synth thought they were about to be very funny. [Are you getting a dongle, port, or rack?]

Haskell laughed, but Lauren, though smiling, looked mildly perplexed. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Haskell laughed louder. Conny, however, just shook her head, though her lights fading to yellow as she did so signaled her amusement. [I could guess, but the guess with the highest accuracy is only 72%. If Haskell was using she/her, that drops all the way down to 43%.]

Now it was Haskell’s turn to be confused. His visor showed eyes looking up and away with one brow slightly down, as he remarked, [43 sounds low for four... well, five options with rack only. Surprisingly even distribution.] Lauren turned to him with a clear question on her tongue, so the Synth answered it for her, counting off on his fingers. [Dick or pussy, each with and without tits. Plus a fifth for just the tits. I’m still on the default “pan” from when we installed the sexuality software, so I happen to have saved plenty of examples to show you if you don’t believe me. Not all Synths, even. Only most.]

The human shook her head. “N- um... maybe later. But, Conny, we’re getting him a... a penis.”

Without audio, Conny sent Haskell a message saying, “Assuming only one between the legs or one set on the chest is sensible, but inaccurate. A good mechanic can do wonders.” Aloud, she addressed Lauren. [Wonderful, those are fun! And all of the designs here are made to be pleasurable to the giver and receiver - trust me on this - so there’s no bad answers, although there may be some better ones for each Synth. So, anything you’re looking for for your first one?]

“First one?”

[We’re modular,] both Synths said at once.

“Oh, right. Uh... well, I think I’ll pass on the... fleshy-looking ones. I think they’d clash with his body, and feel too different than- uh, nevermind.” As Lauren’s voice trailed off, Haskell put on a rather smug and pleased look.

Not missing a beat, Conny grabbed a small selection of more robotic-looking schlongs from the wall and set them out. [Now, this one here’s a great one, both as a first time and in general. It’s not the simplest, but it’s got a vibrate function that’s insulated from the rest of the body.] She then picked up one that looked more obviously draconic, but still with a robotic aesthetic: silvery top, glossy black underside. [And this one is far and away my favorite, both in shape and novelty. Bit on the higher end for price, though, I’ll be honest with you. Doesn’t stop it from being popular with my return customers, though.]

Lauren tentatively reached out, and Conny handed the penis to her, letting her turn it over in her hand. “I mean, it’s certainly nice, but what gives it that price?”

In reply, the rainbow Synth popped one hand off, took the dildo back, and slotted it in. After a few seconds to recognize and prepare the device, the glossy black underside revealed itself to be an RGB light, slowly fading through a few colors. Haskell stared at it. Lauren, on the other hand, had a different reaction. “No. Absolutely not. I know you, Haskell, and there’s no way I’m giving you even half a reason to try to fuck me to Caramelldansen.”

[It’d be funny, though.]

“Not happening.” She pointed to one of the others. “That one looks nice, though. Haskell, how do you feel about that one?”

The blue and grey Synth nodded. [I think I’d look rather good with that on me. If you think you’d feel good with it in you, we should give it a shot.]

Conny looked between the two of them, then nodded at Haskell. [Then just hop up on the table and I’ll get you set up. Oh, that reminds me: I can also modify your lower chassis - a couple hundred, same as other port additions - to get you a proper crotch mount or two. Assuming you’re pretty standard, the best I can do is essentially a workaround where I plug it in the rear, behind your tail, and give you some fittings to secure it around your legs and/or waist.]

“It’s not necessary, though, right?”

Haskell laid down and soon felt the weight of his tail vanish, followed by a system notification that a module had been detached. The Synth mechanic kept talking. [No, but without it, Haskell will probably need or at least want your help to get the penis on and off.]

[Sounds worth it to me,] Haskell said.

“It’s not your $200.”

[Sure it is. You did tell me I could have my own account for stuff on the side. Remember, because I was ask- whining for- hold on. I was ask- whining for video games.] He gave Lauren a flat stare. [Really?]

Lauren held her hands up. “In my defense, I had forgotten I’d done that before I promised to stop touching your admin controls without telling you. But yeah, that’s fine then. Get yourself some penis compatibility.”

[Great! Alright, doc, fix me up!] Haskell said, then slipped himself into Safe Mode.

-----

[Oh, that looks fantastic,] the Synth said, admiring his new dick, [thanks for matching it to my colors.]

[I’d be a pretty poor mechanic if I couldn’t,] Conny replied, [but thanks. Now, go ahead and disable sensitivity in the device settings, or at least drop it as low as possible.]

[Huh? Doesn’t that go against the point?]

[Some modules can be equipped in public. This is not one of them. And trust me, you don’t want that thing anywhere near the default levels when you remove it, at least not until you’re used to the sensation.]

Lauren glanced down the hallway. “Yyyyeah, let’s not traumatize whoever’s in the store and potentially find out which of us is legally liable for you going streaking.”

Haskell nodded, and after a couple seconds, pulled the penis out of its socket, then fit a grey plate over the port, hiding it.

[And this should go without saying, but there are no returns on this sort of thing. If something goes wrong, you might get a partial refund if you send us the diagnostics, but once that dick is out of the store, we don’t want it back in here.]

Lauren took the cock and gave it a curious squeeze before placing it in the bag Conny had provided. “Fair enough. And will Shay ring us up out there, or...?”

[Yep! Alright, you two, have fun out there.]

As the two left the store after paying, Haskell linked a photo of the purchase he had taken earlier to his IRC friends. Some congratulated him on a well-chosen mod, a couple of them asked him to DM photos of it equipped, and one person floated the idea of attaching two of them to that pair of breasts with ports.

All in all, a productive day, and a precursor to a hopefully unforgettable night.

[magnum-schlong]

Pirate crew squad: a thread (long post)

[ashes-and-ashes]

A quick, dirty and fluffy piece to help me relax from the hellish week :)

~

“I need your help,” Harry says.

He’s standing in the 8th year common room, pacing up and down in front of the fireplace. The carpet is soft underneath his bare feet; he curls his toes, burying the ends in the threads.

“Well that’s a first,” Pansy mutters. She’s lying upside down on the couch, legs thrown over the backs of the cushions and dark hair spread out on the floor. Blaise is leaning next to her, his head against her knees. “Like honestly. I think this is the first time today that you’ve requested our assistance.”

“I didn’t ask for help at all today!”

“Bullshit!” Blaise counters cheerfully. “Utter and complete bullshit!”

“When did I - “

Pansy sniggers. “Breakfast time. ‘Oh do you think I should bring Draco some toast or do you think that it comes off as too boyfriendy? He likes marmalade, or is it strawberry jam, which one is it? Do you know Pansy? Should I even bring him anything?’”

Harry scowls. “It was 7! He was going to be late for classes!”

“How sickening,” Blaise mutters under his breath. “God I hope I never end up like this.”

“You don’t have a boyfriend,” Harry reminded him.

“Sure I do. I sneak into your bedroom and jack off watching you and Draco fuck. I call it my one man, one hand relationship.”

Harry groans, burying his head in his hands. It was always an effort dealing with Pansy and Blaise - he never knew if they were actually going to help him or humiliate him. He wondered how Draco was able to survive.

“Look,” Harry says, slowly. “It’s almost...it’s our 4 year anniversary. And I feel like I should...I don’t know. Get him something?”

Pansy rolls her eyes. “Jesus. Take the day off class and fuck him.“

“I can’t miss class!”

Blaise sighs. “Sure you can. You’re the Boy Who Lived. You could rent out an entire sex dungeon and no one would blink an eye.”

“I’m not - “

“Or,” Pansy mused, her lips pursed in concentration, “You could rent out a cabin. Something high up - in the mountains maybe. You’d start off simple - making breakfast - “

Blaise cut in. “Wearing nothing but an apron - “

“And maybe a chef’s hat - “

“Do you guys fantasize about me fucking Draco or something?” Harry splutters, his face going red. “Seriously, every time I attempt to talk to you, you always make this so dirty.”

Blaise shrugs. “Speaking as someone who fucked Draco for a good 5 months or so - “

“Can we not?” Harry groans. He’s pretty sure his face is on fire, his cheeks burning. It took ages for him to get used to this, the absolute disregard for boundaries that the Slytherins all shared. Pansy gives him a small smile.

“Oh please. You honestly think that we didn’t get all the details the first time you and Draco banged? We know everything, Potter. Your kinks, your turn-offs - “

Blaise shakes his head. “The size of your schlong.”

“Hairy Pounder,” Pansy remarks, and they collapse into hysterics. Harry watches them helplessly.

“You’re not being helpful!”

“I know,” Pansy says, the smile abruptly vanishing from her face. “You know what? I know exactly what you should do for your anniversary.”

“Oh yeah?” Harry says sarcastically. “And what’s that?”

“Pierce your balls,” Pansy replies, her face utterly serious.

“Or better yet,” Blaise interjects, “Get him to pierce your balls.”

“I’m done!” Harry throws his hands in the air. “Why I came to you guys, I don’t know.”

He turns, stomps down the stairs with all his might, leaving Pansy and Blaise shrieking with laughter in the room behind him.

“We charge $500 for consultation fees!” Blaise yells out.

“Fuck off!” Harry shouts back, and slams the door.

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

A survival guide to dick pics (both solicitied and unsolicited)

In a strange way, dick pics have defined this weird, at times beautiful, but mostly horrifying place we call the world wide web.

I mean is there any online experience more universal than encountering a penis you never expected nor wanted to see? It's perhaps only surpassed in its pervasiveness by trolling.

A 2017 market research survey by YouGov, an online polling company, found that 53 percent of millennial women have received one. (The online survey was weighted to represent U.S. adults over 18.) Dick pics are such an embedded aspect of our online experience, in fact, that there's even a blockchain for that. 

SEE ALSO: How porn can help stop the toxic sexual culture that led to #MeToo

Dick pics weren't even a possibility before widespread internet and cellphone access. Sure, really committed folks could snail mail penis photos. But the distinct experience of suddenly receiving digital schlong in the palm of your hand is pretty much exclusive to the smartphone age.

You don't even have to be a heterosexual woman, a gay man, bi, or romantically interested or involved with someone who owns male genitalia in order to encounter dick pics. Spend any amount of time on services like Chatroulette or OKCupid, and there they are: dicks. Everywhere.

We're in the golden age of penis portraiture. But unfortunately, we only get to talk about the negative side of it, when dick pic culture can actually be very intricate, multilayered, sex-positive, and feminist (more on that later).

So, we've helpfully put together a complete guide to getting a handle on dick pics, both of the solicited and unsolicited variety. Without further ado, some rules:

1. No, it is never OK to send an unsolicited dick pic

Let's get this one out of the way. There is never ANY reason to send an unsolicited dick pic. We don't care if you're just doing it for laughs. It doesn't matter if you think you can reasonably assume the other person is willing.

Even if it's with someone who's already given prior consent or has expressed interest in receiving a dick pic, you still can't know where in the world they are at the moment you decide to surprise them with some unrequested wang.

Remember: You're inherently dealing with a digital interaction when it comes to dick pics. That means consent is even harder to establish without an explicit and enthusiastic, "Yes!" Lots of communication can be lost without visual body language cues, and tone is easily misinterpreted. 

Always make sure your schlong shot is desired before proceeding. And for parties who want the D pic: Don't be afraid to respectfully ask (as long as you're clear that "no" is absolutely an OK response.)

2. When it's OK to send a dick pic it can be fantastic

Now that we've established the basic concept of consent, let's dig into the less talked about phenomenon: Lots of people (yes, including lots of women) actually love receiving solicited dick pics! 

Don't believe us? Well, Bustle recently wrote an article about the growing phenomenon of dick appreciation threads. One redditor from r/LadyBoner, Kate, explained that, "I don't like porn because I have to see the men's stupid faces, whereas with a dick pic, I can imagine whatever I want or even find a dick pic that looks like my boyfriend's." 

For her, it's even empowering. It feels like a reclamation, she said. "It's an act of choice and agency, unlike when unsolicited dick pics are sent to me ... Dicks are fantastic when I've consented to interact with them."

Here's why dick pics can be an awesomely sex positive and feminist experience: In a world where sending nudes via Snapchat is practically considered a formal "next step" in a millennial relationship, it can feel really weird if it's only one-sided. Uneven distribution of exposure between the two parties can lead to a sense of uneven vulnerability.

Nudes should be a mutually agreed upon, enjoyable, and equal experience. It's an opportunity to appreciate and explore each other from a distance (if you protect yourself properly, which we'll get into later). If you're sexting with visual aids, dick pics are integral to that balance.

There's an art to a good d pic.

Image: vicky leta / mashable

However, not all dick pics are created equally. Which brings us to ...

3. There's definitely an art to taking a great dick pic

I'm not gonna lie: Having never possessed a dick myself, there's a limit to my advice on the mechanics of taking a good dick pic. For that, check out this great guide from the creator of the blog Critique My Dick Pic (NSFW, obvs), Madeleine Holden. To summarize: Stop freaking out about size, no "log shots," and setting/production value is important.

However, as a receiver of many D pics (both solicited and unsolicited), I do consider myself something of a connoisseur of the art form. Here's what to know about creating a masterpiece:

One of the sexiest aspects of a dick pic is the sheer thrill of receiving one. It's a naughty digital secret you now share together. Like the appeal of getting your own private striptease or sexting, it's personal, just for you, and a pretty high level of intimacy for a bunch of pixels on a screen. Really makes a lady feel special, you know?

Confidence in your dick pic is super sexy — but arrogance makes us want to gag (and, no, not like the porn stars). Do not use dick pics as a platform to boast and showboat. Which goes hand-in-hand with ...

When it comes to pics, size truly doesn't matter. For one, you can't even accurately judge in a photo. And if you're throwing in an object for scale in a dick pic (like a banana — yes, I swear to god men do this), you're already failing.

What matters is making your dick pic personal. No two dicks are alike, and your partner asked to see yours for a reason. It's because they already like you, which means they probably already like your dick.

That segues perfectly into our next hot tip: NEVER REPURPOSE A DICK PIC YOU ALREADY SENT SOMEONE ELSE. It is painfully obvious when you're using a stock photo equivalent of a dick pic. Don't think we won't notice, either. Like, damn, Easter's coming up but there's a Christmas tree in your photo ... 🤔🤔🤔

I know the phrase "dick pic" rolls off the tongue (get it?!), but if you're comfortable, you might want to try a dick vid. That invites all sorts of new possibilities for creativity and intimacy, that you should always discuss with your partner first.

Have fun. Sending nudes should be about making each other feel wanted, so only dick pic when both of you feel great about what's happening.

There's a lot of trust that goes into sending a nude. And don't underestimate the need to protect yourself, your data, and your schlong. Check out these safety tips.

4. How to clap back at an unsolicited dick pic

It's hard to describe just how violating it feels to get an unsolicited dick pic. You can't ignore the negative aspects of non-consensual dick pics, and the disturbed psychology of individuals who do it.

It's ludicrous that, while we have laws prohibiting flashers IRL, virtually assaulting people on the internet has no real consequence (besides perhaps getting kicked off a platform). So we recommend shaking off the heebie jeebies of this experience by reclaiming that unwanted penis.

There's lots of different forms of revenge. One woman threatened to send any dick pics she received on Tinder to the perpetrator's mom (and actually followed through with it). Others choose witty retorts. There's even an app to help you do just that.

Artist and activist Whitney Bell reclaimed the experience of receiving unsolicited dick pics by turning them into an art gallery called I Didn’t Ask for This: A Lifetime of Dick Pics, and calling attention to harassment in the digital space. "Professional penis photographer" Soraya Doolbaz took a different artistic approach, with her high-end dicture gallery advocating for better solicited dick pics, while also stripping this symbol of patriarchal power through humor.

So do whatever feels cathartic and right for you, and grab that horrifying unwanted dick by the literal balls. Go wild. Get MS Paint involved. Photoshop a "This Is What A Feminist Looks Like" t-shirt onto it, and send it right back.

Because some fool just sent you their genitals. Abuse the hell outta that power.

5. But most importantly: Protect yourself first

We've had some fun, but the hard truth (no pun intended this time), is that clapping back can lead to even more harassment. That's a risk you don't have to take if you don't want to. And there's other, safer forms of recourse. 

Like we said, there's little to no legal consequences for it in America (though officials are trying to change that in places like Australia, Canada, and Britain). 

But the best options is to block the person immediately: Whether barring a phone number, Instagram or Snapchat account, un-matching on Tinder, disabling open DMs on Twitter, or changing your Airdrop settings to "Contacts Only."

On most platforms, you can and should report them too (though the results are not always stellar.) Many dating websites even removed the ability to exchange photos altogether to fix the issue. But the following apps explicitly classify harassment like unsolicited dick pics as a reportable offense: Twitter, Facebook, Tinder, Instagram, Reddit, and Snapchat.

So when it comes to dick pics, practice safe sexting. And above all, make sure your virtual junk is only sliding into those DMs who want them. 

WATCH: This vibrator can give you a climax and order you pizza

[ceo-of-daichi]

A fox village?!?🥺 That sounds amazing and foxes are so cute! I would love to go visit, do you get to like help them a bit to look after them or just visit them? *smiles at him excitedly* I love travelling, guess we will have to travel to Norway together then!

You like outdoorsy stuff? That’s great! *eyes light up excitedly* We can definitely do a chill movie night next time though. What kind of movies do you like? *notices you admiring the fish and smiles affectionately* As for food, I really love a good bowl of ramen, but I’m sure I’d be happy with anything you make for me. -Daichi

[good idea to start a new post. It was definitely getting a little lengthy. I’m glad you’re having fun with the character corner event though! It’s fun for me too! -Cindy 😘]

I love Marvel movies and Disney movies, anything i can sing along to *smiles happily* Although that means you have to put up with me singing through the film *laughs* Hmmm Ramen it is! I’ve never made it before but i love a challenge☺️

[resbangmod]

Resbang 2016 Throwbacks, Week 8

Time to get hype for this year’s Resbang, and what better way to do so than to check out the ghosts of Resbangs Past!

Come say hi to this year’s participants and mods on Discord!

This year’s schedule can be found here: beep

Check out these entries from resbang 2016!

[T] Under the Grinning Moon [Stein/Marie, Spirit/Kami]

This is the story of how Kami, Spirit, Marie, and Stein collide.

Warnings: Pre-Canon, Suggestive Themes, Canon-Typical Violence, Infrequent Disturbing Imagery, Canon-Compliant

by author: messofthejess @messofthejess

with artist: elevensouls @guacamoletrash​

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [[tumblr]]

[M] Pell Grant Matrimony [endgame Soul/Maka, Death the Kid/Black Star]

Mama wants an update of Maka’s life, but there’s a severe lack of anything interesting to report. She’s stuck in an eternal rut, and the only excitement in her life is her steadily disappearing underwear.

Thankfully, her cute neighbor gets her in touch with the panty-stealing culprit. Soul is sometimes evasive and secretive, though he makes up for it by showing her what it’s like to have fun on a regular basis. Just as Maka thinks she has exciting news to report to Mama, Soul turns out to be hiding more than exotic pets in the bathroom. The fake-married, secret dating AU you didn’t ask for.

Warnings: language, recreational drug use, illegal pets, Black*Star’s mooseknuckle

by authors: sojustifiable & Marsh of Sleep @sojustifiable​, @marshofsleep​

with artist: Adorabbey @adorabbey

and artist: Tilliquoi @tilliquoi​

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [adorabbey: [tumblr]] [tilliquoi: [tumblr]]

[T] Moments of Impact [Soul/Black Star]

A move halfway across the country gives Soul Evans a far different fresh start than he expected when he falls for his best friend’s childhood friend, Black Star. Through good food, theoretical conversations, and lame college parties, Soul and Black Star turn into the type of couple that makes movie theater audiences swoon.As fate would have it though, a truck rear ends their car on a cold night in December, and sends Soul flying headfirst through the windshield - taking all his memories of the last five and a half years with him. A stack of medical bills and Soul’s family trying to loop him back into his own life puts a strain on their budget and their sanity, sending them spiraling down a road neither of them ever could have imagined.With their marriage nonexistent in one of their minds and a whole alternate reality trying to tear them apart, “for better or for worse” is a vow that might not survive all that everyone thinks it should.

Warnings: traumatic injury, amnesia, estranged families

by author: itsnothingpersonal, dead link

with artist: showknight, @showknight​

Read it here: [ao3, dead link]

View it here: [[tumblr]]

[M] Soul Incubus [Soul/Maka]

Maka was just living her normal life. You know, going to college, hanging out at the clubs with friends, having a one-night stand with a stranger... A one-night stand that turns into two, and then three. But I mean, who knew an Incubus could be so attractive? SoMa College AU with a dash of Supernatural

Warnings: lotsa smut, supernatural, cursing, drinking

by author: chelseachee @chelsea-chee

with artist: Makibela @starry-maki

Read it here: [ffn]

View it here: [[tumblr]]

[T] I got 99 problems and Medusa is all of them [Soul/Maka, Giriko/Justin, Wes/Spirit]

Mean Girls/Jennifer’s Body homage. Life is hard when your brother is a musical prodigy and your parents assume you’re going to be following in his footsteps. It’s a lot harder when you decide to leave all that behind and attend public school, especially when attending public school apparently involves insane drum majors, a principal no one has ever seen, a cutthroat social scene complete with actual murder, teenage girls who are literally possessed by demons, and some crazy blue-haired guy in heelys and shutter shades who’s trying to make ‘bode’ happen.

Warnings: violence, the occult, minor character death, internalized homophobia, teenage alcohol use

by author: Bones @adulterclavis

with artist: Eisschirmchen @eisschirmchen

Read it here: [tumblr][ao3]

View it here: [[tumblr]]

[E] I Come From The Land Down Under [Stein/Marie, minor Nygus/Azusa]

It’s a beautiful, breezy evening when Marie Mjolnir checks her phone and sees that she has thirty, yes, THIRTY unread text messages from one Spirit Albarn, all featuring his readily unimpressive schlong with the question of ‘Which should I send my date?’.In a fit of what has to be the most annoyance and irritation she had ever felt, she retaliated by giving him his answer in the form of making a blog rating the pictures he sent her of his wiener. What she didn’t expect was that she would start up the newest internet sensation, spending her days rating various wieners. It’s only when she receives an all too appealing (to her) image of a rather studded Anaconda, the only image she grants a sparkling A+, that the real Boloney Pony ride begins.Of course, everyone save for her know that it belongs to Frank Stein, owner and head piercer at Needle and a Thread tattoo shop, as well as Marie’s best friend and crush of over a decade. But, of course, what would any decent story be without some kind of misconception?

Warnings: Explicit sexual content. Drug (weed) use. So many goddamn dick jokes. Horrible innuendos for sex. Pierced private bits. Dicks. More dicks. Putting the ‘dick’ in ‘ridickulous’. NSFW.

by author: DollyPopUp @dollypopup

with artist: thefishywitchy @thefishywitchy

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [[tumblr]] NSFW

Some of the writing is no longer at the links provided. If any of the artists, authors, or their partners see their resbang team is missing art, and they want to be included to the throwbacks, please shoot us​ a message!