#( STUPID FUCKING ME )

[jellogram]

On my first day in Germany I got to my hotel and I couldn't get the lights to turn on. And I was like "Eh, fuck it, I'll just take a shower in the dark." And then the shower wouldn't get hot. I waited and waited and it stayed ice cold.

So I go down to the front desk and I'm like "My lights won't turn on and my shower won't get hot" so they send this guy up with me. We get into the room and I flick the switch and nothing happens so I'm like "See?"

And he goes "You must put your card in the slot."

"I... what? I have to put my room card in the light switch?"

"Of course!"

Now I have been in many hotels in the US and never encountered this concept, but apparently it was something most of their guests already knew. So I'm looking like a fool at this point. I feel like an idiot. The dude is fully grinning at me. I put the card in the slot and voila, the light turns on.

Then he's like "Ok, let's see if the shower works. You know you must wait for the hot water?" and I just know he's thinking I'm an idiot who also can't use a shower. This stupid American can't wait for the hot water! She can't even use a light switch or a shower!

And I guess he was distracted by these thoughts of my stupidity, because this dude fully stepped into the shower. In his nice dress shirt and slacks. He just. Gets into the shower.

And turns it on.

Have you ever seen a playing field get leveled instantaneously

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[puppppppppy]

abogagos……..

[daydreamerwonderkid]

RIP to Bruce. Can't get a single night to himself smh

[collaredkittyboy]

[kazodus]

came to me in a dream

[blueskittlesart]

Dear Big Brother

kind of a sequel to this comic

[megatronusprimedecal]

"Always got your back." "No matter what."

Transformers One (2024)

[heartorbit]

MWAH!

[stump-not-found]

bro has not slept for a week .

[esp4rr]

[cowboycatss]

JOLLY news from the zones tumbleweeds: it looks like jet-star and the kobra kid had a RIDE with RUDOLPH that went all NORTH POLE and uh, got themselves MILK, COOKIES out on SANTA’S SLEIGH. so it’s time to hit the MAILBOX and SEND YOUR LETTERS TO SANTA. keep your GIFTS WRAPPED, keep your STOCKINGS HUNG, and CAROL with your mask on if you’ve got to. here is the traffic 🦌🛷🎅🏽🎄🌵🏜️

[lilislegacy]

people always make jokes about percy making these crazy plans and annabeth being super against them. but i’m fairly very sure that 90% of the time, it’s the exact opposite?? there are literally book scenes where annabeth has a crazy plan and percy absolutely DREADS it and thinks she’s gonna get them killed lol. so please allow my take on this:

annabeth: i have a plan

percy: thank the gods. what is it?

annabeth:

percy, narrowing his eyes at her:

annabeth, biting her lip:

percy: i swear to- wise girl whatever it is i’m not doing it

annabeth: no no i really think this plan will work! you just can’t die if we want it to

percy: oh ok sorry, im so stupid because i was thinking not dying IS THE PLAN!!

annabeth:

percy, accepting his fate: what is it

annabeth: okay so you see that bottle over there that says demigod poison, instant death, do not drink?

percy:

[kavebot]

i cant with this fucking cat, chat

[mildeleaf]

Im not dead believe it or not

[anarchist-soupkitchen]

You ever come out of a conversation wishing you’ve never said anything at all? Well I have. I get too awkward I end up making stupid fucking jokes about my love of concrete, they laugh I make more stupid jokes, digging myself into a pit. All the while knowing they aren’t laughing at my jokes but at me. Fuck sake, fuck sakes,,,