#( I JUST LIKE THE IDEA OF HER BEING A GENUINELY FRIGHTENING PERSON IN SOME CASES )

[clochanamarc]

smth smth the mental imagery of aisling being a very friendly and kind and loving person, but also she has and will continue to walk quietly into a heavily guarded building and systematically take out every single armed guard on her way to save a friend or a person of any relation to her, like she's still the woman who causes the company to panic and plan and prepare ENDLESSLY because she's not just the one who escaped, she's the one who tore them down and will gladly burn them to the ground if given another chance. all she wants is a normal, happy life, and anyone who interrupts or prevents that is going to regret it.

[saintsenara]

Hi! My curiosity was v v piqued by your proclamation in a recent ask that Hermione was by far least favourite character in the series-- not because I disagree, but because I agree, see; for me, it was always a kind of knee-jerk reaction to the incessant pedestaling of her in fandom spaces. I'd be very curious to know what it was for you or if the fanon contributed to it in some way (i totally recognise that letting fanon interpretations of a character sour the canon character itself is a wee bit silly).

no, i've been a #hater since day one.

it's nothing to do with fanon!hermione [who i primarily find boring], and nor is it about film!hermione [who is the trigger for fanon!hermione is also therefore boring]. emma watson seems perfectly fine - i can't say she's someone whose life and career i care to follow closely, but that's the case for the rest of the cast of the film series - and so it's nothing to do with projection about her either.

it's for the reason that i find - and have always found - real-life people who are like book!hermione extremely difficult to get along with.

i still think she's a fascinating character and a complex, interesting person. i'm not going to be found bashing her, and i think she's compelling to explore as her canon self - warts and all - without the tiresome flattening she undergoes in order to become flawless in fanon...

but she's not a character i have ever clicked with or related to - and so she's not my priority when it comes to what i get out of fandom either. if she were real, there are no circumstances in which we would ever be anything more than glacially polite acquaintances. there are some people who see her on the page and think "that's me" and go through the books engaging with her character as a friend - and who are then driven to seek out fandom content which focuses on her, whether in a romantic context or not - but i am definitely not one of them.

which was actually a really interesting way to experience the harry potter books as a pop culture phenomenon.

a lot of fandom conversation about the way the books approach gender is now fairly critical - and quite rightly, given the real-world impact jkr's views on gender have. but i do think this criticism sometimes fails to appreciate just how dire the representation of female characters in children's media used to be - especially in children's media which was aimed primarily at boys or equally at boys and girls.

hermione was genuinely groundbreaking as a female main character in a piece of children's literature not exclusively aimed at girls who was allowed to be annoying without being an antagonist, and frightened without being a damsel in distress, and girly without being vacuous, and loyal without being a doormat, and argumentative without being preachy, and clever without needing to be preternaturally brilliant, and respected by harry and ron without it ever really being a big deal. her fingerprints are all over the representation of child and teen girls in contemporary media, no matter how far removed the creators are from jkr in terms of style or opinions, and there is a reason why so many girls identified with her when the books were coming out.

and it was genuinely really fascinating for me growing up to not have been one of them.

[not least because of the negative aspects of her becoming such an important character. above all the idea that - instead of this being a sexist stereotype rooted in ideas of female obedience and inability to be as intellectually limitless as men - intelligent girls would actively want to be seen as diligent, well-behaved, and disinterested in challenging authority...]

[the-casbah-way]

Genuine question, is it praise for Kamala that pisses you off or just the push to vote for her? (I mean you’ve made it pretty clear that it’s really about not making Palestine part of the conversation I’m just a little lost bc it seems like a Trump win would result in the extinction of the Palestinian people?)

it seems like you're asking this with genuine good faith and if that's the case then i have no problem with that. but i need you to ask yourself: what do you think ethnic cleansing looks like in practice? what do you think the extinction of the palestinian people looks like? there's a reason why these things tend to happen under people's noses. we are literally living through the extinction of the palestinian people. right now. that is not a hypothetical future threat. it is happening right now. palestinians are being systematically starved, imprisoned, tortured, raped, and rounded up to die. there are literally videos of people being burned alive whilst hooked up to IVs in hospitals. there are videos of doctors holding the necks of dead children because if they let go their heads will fall off. this entire website is flooded with evacuation campaigns because so many people are trying to escape. if that isn't what you think the extinction of a people looks like then i don't know what to tell you. if people are seeing videos of civilian's limbs getting blown off and thinking "but what if it got worse" instead of "how do we stop this" then i cannot help them. it is the most liberal american thing in the world to see that and think "but if trump wins it'll be worse for me" or "if trump wins it will get worse". what about this isn't bad enough. people who think trump is 'the bigger evil' have never held a meaningful conversation with an actual palestinian person in their lives and it shows. one of my closest friends from when i was a teenager is palestinian and you absolutely cannot listen to what she has to say and come away from it thinking that. palestinian people have been saying for a long long time now why this attitude is so disturbing, so if people had been listening to them they would know by now. i listened to a podcast recently where a palestinian man was literally in tears trying to explain how angry and frightened he is because of americans saying shit like this. he said that in order to get to the ballot box you would have to step over the dead bodies of every palestinian who has died during this genocide. those are his words, not mine. when it comes to racism, white supremacy, genocide, colonialism or ethnic cleansing, i have a policy of listening to the marginalised victims in order to decide what's right. that shouldn't be a radical concept. if people are ACTUALLY listening to them directly they wouldn't be able to keep parroting the idea of 'but trump would be worse'. at this point i see it as nothing but either terrifying levels of ignorance or an attempt to absolve some kind of guilt for voting blue. these people exist in a liberal american echo chamber where they would rather wordlessly reblog things than actually take action. i'm not going to say anything else about it, but i hope you at least understand my point of view now

[kinfanfiction]

Charlie Eppes x Fem!Reader - Chapter 3 - Clueless

A/N: I’m too proud of this idea tbh. Maybe I should’ve waited to write this chapter and I’m jumping the gun a bit here, but I like to place an initial reason for tension so I can build on it. I will be adding in a couple of OCs but they won’t be the main focus of the plot. If, when you get to that part in this chapter you think to yourself, “Isn’t this based off that one episode?” Yes, yes it is.

Side note, the ex I’m writing for the reader is based on my ex, so I’m keeping stuff vague cause bro was demented, but if y’all wanna make up stuff about dumb shit the ex in this story we can collectively make him the worst person ever and make her experience somewhat more detailed either as subtext or to address later in the plot. (Okay maybe not the worst, but like, fairly shitty.) As for the friends, they’ll basically be your run of the mill backstabbers.

I put my whole left lung into this chapter.

     Unbeknownst to the two of you, you and Charlie had been spotted by the cherry blossom tree by two young students, Bowie and Daisy. They each took your Creative Writing and Charlie’s Applied Mathematics class, and they agreed the two of you had chemistry. There was a whole debate on campus over it. Some argued you were just colleagues who got along well, some said you must just be really good friends, and then there were those who genuinely believed you belonged together. Of course, most people knew to stay out of their professor’s personal lives, but not Bowie. They were the experimental type. Daisy, however, always tried to be the voice of reason.

    They hid nearby and whispered to each other.

    “They talk like old friends.” Bowie observed aloud.

    “Don’t you think we should be doing something more productive with our time?”

     “This is productive!” 

     “This is interference.”

     Bowie shrugged, “We’re giving them the push they need.”

     “What if we’re wrong?” Daisy crossed her arms, feeling unsure.

     “Then our interference will ultimately mean nothing. They’ll laugh it off and move on. You don’t have to do this with me, but I’m still going to pull a Clueless on them.” 

     “Hmmm..... Well, it would be interesting to see the results of the experiment...” Daisy was leaning towards joining in on Bowie’s mischief.

     “Yeah, yeah, I know you want in.” Bowie teased.

     Early the next morning, you visited Charlie in his classroom. He had papers spread out everywhere and his blackboard was actively being covered in equations. He was listening to his music again, and was very focused. You walked up to the blackboard and inspected his writing, still it made very little sense to you. “What’s this?” You asked, and he jumped as you came into his line of sight, though he quickly regained his composure.

     “What is with you and Larry always sneaking up on me?” He shook his head and took a deep breath.

     You snickered, “You’re very easy to sneak up on.” You side-eyed him and flashed a cheeky grin. “So, what are you working on?” You questioned again, looking towards the board. 

     He looked at the board as you did, “Actually, Don has asked me to help him on a case. When I went home last night, he was there and I found a map of different crime scenes, all committed by the same person in different places around the area. I started calculating where he might strike next, and I guess Don realized I could be good help in solving this case.” 

     “Oh wow, so you’re a consultant for the FBI now?” 

     He nodded, “I am.” He spoke like he was proud, but also had something else he wanted to say but couldn’t.

     “What’s wrong?” You asked.

     He sighed, “I don’t think I can tell you, but just.. be careful, alright?” Charlie requested gently.

     “I get the feeling that whoever you’re trying to catch is a pretty frightening person..”

Charlie nodded. “I really wanna help them get this guy before he hurts anyone else.” 

     “I’m sure you will. You have a brilliant mind.”

     He gave a small smile, still unsure. “Thank you.” He thought quietly for a moment, debating on asking a question that hung in the air. “Why don't you come stay with us? Just until we catch him.. which should be soon.” He tapped his chalk on the board and examined his work. “Not that anything is incredibly likely to happen to you, but maybe just to be safe?” 

     You thought about his question. It wouldn’t be too much of a hassle to stay at the Eppes’ for a little while, you’d done it before. Besides, you lived and commuted alone, which theoretically could make you an easy target for any criminal. You looked at Charlie and nodded.

     “Okay, good..” He sounded very relieved. 

     The two of you went to breakfast and since he couldn’t talk about the case itself, he instead talked about the mathematical formulas he was using to find the guy they were looking for. You listened quietly as you ate, not having much to add yourself.

     As you walked to your classroom to prepare for class, you were met with a young student you recognized as Daisy Lewis. She took your Creative Writing course which wasn’t until later that day. “Morning Professor L/n! I was at the store recently, and I saw this perfume and it made me think of you.” She spoke as she handed you a small bottle. You were a bit taken aback by the gesture, since there seemed to be no occasion for it.

     “Oh..! Thank you! That’s very sweet of you, Daisy.” You exclaimed with a polite smile. Daisy smiled back, and then stood there like she was waiting for something, and then you realized she expected you to spray it on yourself. Your eyes widened at the realization and you quickly spritzed yourself. “It smells wonderful, really, thank you.” You smiled awkwardly. Daisy stood there, trying to think of a way to stall you further to ensure that Bowie could sneak into your class and secure any unimportant piece of paper on or in your desk to use to forge your handwriting. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to prepare for a class.” You moved past Daisy and opened the door to your room just as Bowie had barely managed to slip away.

     Bowie circled back and found their friend, and the two of them went to the library to come up with a good letter to leave for Professor Eppes to find. Once they were sure they had it, Daisy drew him out of his office to “Ask about an assignment.” While Bowie planted the note in his room, having previously sprayed the inside of the envelope with the perfume Daisy gave you.

     Bowie subtly walked past Daisy to signal that the letter had been delivered. Daisy wrapped up her conversation with Professor Eppes and split. Charlie wandered back to his classroom and spotted the note. He took it and sat down. He recognized it as being what seemed to be in your handwriting, not analyzing it enough to realize it had been forged. He covered his mouth as he read, both surprised and confused. It was strange.. it didn’t seem like you. He thought about how you’d subtly distanced yourself from him over the years, could this be why? Had you begun to see him as more than a friend, and perhaps found him more intimidating because of that? He wasn’t sure what to make of it. Unfortunately, he couldn’t think about it too much because he had a case to work on. 

     When each of your classes were over, and Charlie had made some headway in helping Don with his case, you arrived at his classroom door. This time you knocked, and he had a chance to hide the letter he’d received in the top drawer of his desk. You didn’t wait for any signal to enter though, you just walked in after a couple of seconds. You didn’t want to startle him again by simply appearing. “How’s the case going?” You asked, looking at the equations written on the board. 

     He stood next to you, just about to answer when he smelled the scent of perfume. The same perfume on the letter. He looked at you and let out a small sigh. How was he supposed to approach talking about the note? You clearly weren’t going to bring it up. “It’s going good, I’m making a lot of progress. Hopefully once I give Don what I’ve got he has a better chance of finding the criminal.” His words were somewhat hopeful, but his face had ‘distracted’ written all over it. “Can I ask you a question?” You gave him a curious look and nodded silently. He looked at you with a concerned expression and took a deep breath before speaking again, “Do you feel like you can tell me anything?” 

     The words caught you by surprise, “What makes you ask that? I tell you lots of things, don’t I?” 

     He hummed, “Mmm, sometimes I feel like you hide things from me, not that you have to tell me everything, but I guess I just wanted to remind you that you can if you want to. You know, in person. I’m not that unapproachable, am I?” 

     You furrowed your eyebrows, very confused at this sudden topic of conversation. “Unapproachable? Why would I think-” You shook your head. Had he found out something you hadn’t told him about while he was away or about some dumb shit you’d done in college? If so, who told him? “Where is this coming from?” You asked. 

     “Are you pretending not to know or do you really not know?”

     “Know what?”

     He sighed again, “I got a letter this morning.”

     Your heart dropped, because apparently whatever you’d done was so bad someone had to deliver it to your best friend in writing? You’d never done anything illegal. (Okay, not anything extremely illegal). So what the hell was in that letter?

     “What letter?” You sounded a little more panicked. He felt relieved when it was obvious you really had no idea what letter he was talking about. The relief showed on his face and he couldn’t help but laugh. “I knew it didn’t sound like you.” He went to his desk and grabbed the letter, and then an actual letter you’d written him years ago that he’d kept with him. You followed and watched him, looking over his shoulder trying to read the letter. He laughed again, pointedly, as he noticed the slight differences in handwriting. “Ha!.. I’m sorry, Y/n. This is a forgery.” You grabbed the letter from him.

     “What? A forgery of my handwriting? Why? Who? What does this say?” You read it, and as you did, you noticed it smelled strongly of the perfume Daisy gave you. Then you laughed too. Not just a light laugh, you broke into uncontrollable laughter as the panic left you. “Wow, someone tried to pull a Clueless on us.” You said as your laughter finally began to fade. 

     “They did what?” 

     “Do you grade your students harshly, Charlie?” You questioned.

     “I don’t think so, I think I grade fairly. Why?”

     “We need to watch Clueless, as soon as you have the time, of course.” You insisted. “Let’s go.”

     You both picked up your things and walked to your car again. “We have to stop by my apartment so I can grab what I need for the next few days.” You explained as you got in the driver’s seat.

     “I don’t think I’ve gotten the chance to see your apartment yet.” He observed, a little excited at the idea.

     “Well, you’re welcome to visit anytime.” You offered, “But let’s see if you like it first.” You chuckled briefly and then drove out of the parking lot.

     The two of you quietly listened to music as Charlie thought about the case he was working on, and you thought about how he’d said it felt like you hid things from him. You knew from the way he worded it that he wasn’t just talking about the forged letter. You had been hiding things from him, of course, but you thought he was oblivious to that. Of course he also added the consolation that you didn’t have to tell him everything, but you thought perhaps it would be better if you did.

     You arrived at your apartment and took the elevator. Charlie held his hands behind his back and looked up at the numbers changing as you went through each floor. Soon, you arrived at your level and you walked to your front door. You walked in and grabbed a back to fill with clothes, a toothbrush, a hairbrush, and all the things you needed for work for the next few days that you kept with you at home.

     Charlie insisted he carry the bag for you after feeling how heavy it was, even if you said it was alright and that you could carry it.

     “Let me do something nice for you.” Was his final argument, and you knew you’d do something nice later in return.

     He put your bag in the back seat, and then the two of you drove to the Eppes’ home. “Evening, Alan.” You said as you walked in.

     “Good evening Y/n. You staying with us for a few days?”

     “That’s the plan.” You smiled.

     Charlie dropped your bag off in the guest room. “I have to continue working on this case, but I’ll see you at dinner. You do whatever you need to do in the meantime, alright?” 

      You nodded and smiled, and then Charlie left. You got out your work and some headphones, and you listened to some Fiona Apple as you graded your student’s work. As you quietly graded, you thought about the day. You continued to contemplate on opening up to Charlie about what you’d experienced in high school, mainly because he seemed to blame himself for your emotional and physical distance from him. You knew that at the very least you would assure him that those behaviors had nothing to do with him.

     A few hours later, Charlie knocked on the door. You didn’t hear him at first because of the loud music playing in your headphones, so he knocked again. After knocking twice and hearing no response, he slowly opened the door. Still, you didn’t notice. He could faintly hear the music blaring in your ears and he couldn't help but chuckle. He gently took the headphones off, which startled you. “Ah! Oh- Jesus you scared me.” You exclaimed, putting a hand to your chest and catching your breath. 

     He grinned knowing he’d gotten you back for all the times you’d startled him in a very similar way. “You’re gonna go deaf by fifty listening to music that loud.” 

     “What did you say?” You yelled. 

     He shook his head, “Very funny.” He rolled his eyes, and you grinned.

     “I think headphones wouldn’t have the option to turn them up so loud if you weren’t supposed to.” You determined with a shrug.

     “I don’t think that’s a very safe assumption.”

     “Maybe not, but if I’m already gearing towards going deaf early on I might as well continue to blast my music anyway.”

     “Sounds like flawed logic but hey, they're your ears. I guess it’s time for me to start learning sign language.”

     “I’m surprised you don’t already know it, since you already know just about everything.” 

     “That’s not even close to true, I just know most things when it comes to math. I don’t know english as well as you, and I’m not good at reading people, or understanding why they do things, I just focus on calculations.” 

     “I’d say your calculations help you read people and understand why they do things quite well.” You argued. 

     His expression changed to one similar to how he’d looked after he read your forged love letter. “I don’t know... they haven’t been helping me understand you more. I’ve noticed how distant you've been with me ever since I came back from Princeton. I just can’t figure out why. Maybe it’s just because we’d grown up. I guess that’s what typically happens to friends as they get older, they drift apart. I just hate that it happened to us.”

     Your expression softened, and your eyes filled with remorse. “I mean, I never intended for that to happen. Yes, there were years we had to spend apart, but I tried to help make up for that. We never stopped being friends, so we can’t have drifted that much.” 

     He clicked his tongue and looked down at the ground for a moment, “Sure, we never stopped being friends, but you changed, which is of course normal when you get older, but you seemed noticeably less comfortable around me. I don’t know why that always bothered me so much, I guess I’ve just always wondered if I did or said something to make you feel more guarded around me that maybe I wasn’t aware of?” He looked up and made eye contact with you, having finally asked the question that he hadn’t been able to ask until that moment.

     You sat quietly for a moment, trying to accept the approaching conversation. You opened your mouth to speak, closed it, and then got up from your chair. You wrapped your arms around him and held him close for the first time in a year. He froze for a second, and then tenderly wrapped his arms around you in return. “Charlie, no. I promise you did nothing wrong.” You assured him softly. Tears welled in your eyes as you thought of the real reasons you’d become a more guarded person. You let go of him and sat on the guest bed and pat the spot beside you. He sat down and waited silently for you to speak. “I know I probably shouldn’t let these experiences stick with me for as long as it has, since I was only, what, like fourteen, fifteen?” You laughed, feeling a little pathetic. 

     “But after you left, I did my best to make friends. There was one guy that seemed really interested in everything I had to say. He was really kind at first and found ways to earn my trust quickly. I was young, and naïve, so I didn’t question his attention. I liked having him as a friend, and then.. he wanted to be more than friends. I’d never had anyone like me as more than a friend before, and figured that a first relationship might be fun. At first, it seemed like we were having a good time. He got me gifts, always complimented me, showed me affection, and ultimately made me feel special. A tactic of his that I didn’t notice until later, was that he was rushing to learn everything about me. I mean everything. He got me to be vulnerable with him, and then used details about my personal life against me. He’d poke at my insecurities, when I’d tell him my fears he’d use that to scare me, and overall he was just a terrible person who enjoyed making me feel horrible. So, finally, I left him. Then I was alone again.

     “I tried making friends again, and I got in with this group of girls. I thought I found a good group, but I was wrong. They only wanted me to be their friend so they could do better in english. When I wasn’t around, they made fun of me just for having interests that didn’t align with their’s. They humiliated me, time and again. They’d waste my time on purpose by doing things like inviting me out somewhere, only to never show up. So, essentially, all that taught me was to be more guarded with people in general. I shouldn’t have let that apply to our friendship, but I guess when you came back I had a fear that maybe time had changed you and that you might hurt me. Hell, I don’t know why I thought that, you gave me no reason to. It was just my own fears.” You stopped talking and looked at him. His eyes were wide, like he was taking it all in. “I’m so sorry, that was a lot. I shouldn’t have said so much, I-” Then before you knew it, he was hugging you tightly again.

     “Thank you for telling me.” He whispered. Then after a moment, he pulled away. “I just want you to know, I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. If I do something that hurts you and I don’t realize it, please tell me and I’ll do everything to make it right. But I would never, ever, go out of my way to do something to harm you. You have been my best friend for the majority of my life. I’d have to be absolutely insane to ever do anything to jeopardize that.” 

     Then you smiled, and your whole body relaxed after feeling so tense while you told him everything. You sighed in relief, “Okay, enough with the heavy shit. Let’s watch Clueless.”

[aro-is-gay-af]

The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 2

Part 1 | Part 3

I advise you to read it first, as this post is the continuation. 

Yeah, there will be Part 3 for sure. As usual, sorry for gramatical confusion and/or any mistakes.

Love you all, thank you for 100 (!) notes under Part 1. 

Warnings: Rape, Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 6768

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings’ mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

ENJOY!

You tried not to break your eye contact with Aro, as it made you unusually calm and on place. As soon as you walked through the door to the throne room you felt almost like at home. You knew it would take some time to get used to the new place, especially a place like this, though, you didn't find it repulsive or frightening.  

You sat down in the chair that Aro had pulled out for you. It was a little gesture but it made you a little less weirded out. Now, that you were alone with three kings, you were not as relaxed as you might have thought you’ll be, for your legs were trembling with exertion.

It wasn’t a surprise, though. You’ve barely eaten, been up on your feet since you got off the plane and through all day long, you were strongly convinced it was your last day on Earth. On top of this, you’ve just allowed Aro to touch your hand and then kiss it. You were certain that if it was for any other person, you wouldn’t be so willing to do so.

Aro took a seat opposite to you, whereas Marcus and Caius sat, probably, on their usual seats, not that far from you both. You were tired, but confident that some things needed to be established as soon as possible. You understood this perfectly. Also, even though Alice told you about basic things, you still were oblivious to most information.

“You have impressed me with your declaration” it was Caius who started the conversation. You looked directly at him.

“I’m not stupid, nor suicidal” you said, trying to remain as calm as possible. “At least, not anymore” you admitted, your upset tone impossible to miss. Caius tilted his head, eyeing you carefully.

“While on the plane, Alice told me briefly about basics,” you said. Seeing their stares, you rolled your eyes. “Yes, she also explained to me the laws. I knew this trip would’ve only two possible endings for me.”

Aro had known about this prior, but Marcus and Caius looked taken aback, to say at least.

“You knew you’d probably die and still came here?” it was Marcus who asked. It was a weird experience, even if you’d known him only for a few moments, to see such an authentic interest in his behaviour.

You nodded and smiled.

“Sure I did. Bella’s stupid ass didn’t give me another choice” you chuckled. Caius smiled again with that creepy smile, which he also had on his face while in the throne room.

“Stop that, brother” Aro scolded him lightly. “We don’t want to frighten [Y/N].”

Caius only rolled his eyes.

“You are familiar with the fact that I am as old as you, brother?” he asked Aro mockingly, sprawling comfortably in his chair. “There’s no need to scold me like I’m a child.”

Aro frowned.

“Yes, brother, I am certainly familiar with this. But nonetheless, you should be more gentle when it comes to [Y/N].”

Even though you’d been tired, somehow kings’ presence had risen your spirits. Also, it was quite funny to see them mock themselves like this.

“Can I say something?” you asked, visibly amused by their behaviour. You've relaxed a little and only then you felt how tired you really were.

“Of course, cara” said Marcus, who didn’t exactly talk much until now. All of them were looking at you, curious about what you wanted to say.

You smiled shyly, not being accustomed to receive so much attention at once.

“I don’t know if it’s normal but I’m not exactly…afraid of you? I guess I’m mostly curious. I wasn’t… concerned while we were heading here. Like, at all” you admitted, trying your best to find words, which would suit your emotions.

Three of them were listening very carefully, even Aro, who had already known your thoughts.

“Alice wasn’t trying to scare me, but I felt that she was extremely cautious when it came to your coven. Bella also was exaggerating with drama and I…” you immediately felt sick and couldn’t end the sentence. You were happy to maybe die? You were happy to have something to think about, other than rape? To think about something different than this unwanted child?  

It was as they felt the change in your mood. You saw Aro wanted to touch you but restrained himself from doing so. Marcus’s expression was calm but you actually thought, he was being beyond emotional about this. And Caius…he looked genuinely concerned.

You smiled sadly, as none of them said anything.

“I’m not exactly aware of how this mating bond thing works, but that’s probably the reason” you said quietly, with insecurity so overwhelming that you couldn’t look at the kings anymore.  Instead, you embraced your knees with yours arms and glanced at your feet resting on the edge of your chair.

You tried hard not to cry. You weren’t weak, you weren’t unstable. You were harmed in the most brutal way and you knew, it would take you a while to get out of this state of mind. Nevertheless, you didn’t want them to consider you weak or unworthy of their attention. Right now, they were the only ones you had in this world.

Your throat tightened and your lips trembled from the sob you denied yourself to make. One of them handed you a handkerchief, while making an effort not to touch you. You glanced up, as it turned out, at Marcus, who was holding the handkerchief in front of you.

“It is perfectly alright to cry, cara. You have no idea how many times I wished to shed at least one tear” he said, while you were wiping away yours. You believed him, of course. When you were in the throne room, at first Marcus looked completely lifeless and depressed. It changed after he spotted you, but you knew his behaviour didn’t come out of nowhere.

You’ve managed to calm yourself a little bit. After you regained your composure, Aro smiled gently at you, making you give him your full attention.

“My dear, we would be delighted to explain to you everything, but I can clearly see that you are extremely tired. So much has happened today, and the best way we can handle this, is when you are well rested. May I suggest coming back to the topic without any more delay, when you’ve had enough sleep?”

You smiled because of his intricate wording.

“Sure. Although, there’s no need for you to talk to me this way” you said amused, while also trying not to sound rude. The way Aro expressed his thoughts was extremely distinguished and you understood that this was part of his personality that he had acquired over three millennia.

Caius smiled to himself hearing your remark and Marcus didn't hide his amusement either. Even Aro seemed mildly entertained.

“Forgive me, cara mia” he said apologetically, mischievous tone of his voice never escaping your attention. “I am quite old by now” his remark made Caius laugh loudly. You laughed too.

“I don’t think your age matters in this case” you said, your spirits raised just a little bit.

 ***

 After your brief conversation, it was Marcus who showed you to your room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room, as you had all suite to yourself. As soon as you saw it, you decided that it was really too much, that a bed would suffice, but fell silent after Marcus explained, why you needed to be isolated from others.

You almost forgot they were vampires and you could die if you walked into the wrong one. You shared your concerns with Marcus, who was extremely amused to hear about them. Only the most trusted members of the guard knew of the whereabouts of your chamber. The lower ranks didn't even know that you were staying in the castle for an extended period of time.

Marcus assured that overnight the kings would consider, who would be the most qualified to become your personal guardian. You were a bit embarrassed, as you seemed to be creating quite a problem with your presence in the castle. Nonetheless, you thanked Marcus, making sure beforehand that you would definitely see the three of them, as soon as you got some sleep.

Your chamber was huge. You could’ve sworn it was twice the size of the house you owned in Forks. You had your own bathroom, walk-in-closet and even a small kitchenette with a fridge. The star of the room was the massive bed with a mattress so soft, you felt like you were lying on a cloud. Before you went to bed, you decided to have a bath, because it would be silly to sleep in such a bed while being dirty.

While searching for pyjamas, you realised there were not many clothes in the wardrobe. Could this have been a guest room? You concluded that it was very likely. Anyway, you had nothing against guest rooms which looked like this. You found a thin-strapped, ankle-length nightdress, in a fabric so pleasant that it was impossible to resist wearing it.

The bathroom was ridiculously large, with two sinks to the left of the entrance, a huge bathtub in the middle and a shower that was built into, what you assumed, was a marble wall. On the opposite side of the entrance there was a vanity, with all kinds of beauty products and perfumes. You also didn't expect the bathroom to be in bright colours, and yet, the walls and floor were white marble, whereas all other elements were golden. You didn't even want to think about the fact that indeed, you had real gold faucets to your exclusive use.

You continued to think about the fact that it seemed too much. The lavishness overwhelmed you and, at the same time, distracted you from unpleasant thoughts. The washing up part, as always, was difficult for you. You tried not to look in the mirror at all. Eventually, you decided you didn't have the energy to try a bath, so you went for a quick shower.

It wasn't until you were in the shower, before you truly felt tired. You doubted it was an evening, but you felt like you'd just done a double shift at the hospital. It felt wonderful to have your hair washed, only to cuddle up later in an incredibly soft towel.

While changing into your nightgown, you didn't even glance in the mirror. You were unable to look at your naked body in the reflection. You were afraid, even though the bruises and wounds had long been healed.

Climbing onto the bed, you tried not to think too much. You didn't want to think about what you were going to do with the baby. You didn't want to think about the fact that you would probably have to explain to Caius and Marcus, why you were pregnant in the first place. You also didn't want to think about Aro seeing those memories. You were glad that you could fall asleep and, at least for a little while, be relieved of the burden of reality.

***

 “Alright. What is there that we need to discuss?” you asked, trying to focus. You were back in the study with the round table, except that there were many more papers and books on it than the day before.

It was the strangest morning of your life. According to what Aro told you, you slept for about fifteen hours. He was by your side when you woke up, but not in such manner as to startle you in any way. He came to ask how you were feeling and what you felt like eating for breakfast. You thought that with a kitchenette in your room you would be preparing your own meals. You were very much mistaken. When you said that you would like to eat scrambled eggs, Aro only smiled and told you to get dressed.

You didn't have time to ask what you were supposed to wear since the walk-in-closet was almost empty, but he had already disappeared. It turned out that you were wrong again. In those fifteen hours, someone had managed to restock your wardrobe at least halfway. You were too surprised to look at everything, but you had never seen such expensive and well-tailored clothes. You picked out the first pieces you were sure, you would feel comfortable in.

After a quick shower, you dressed up and when you came out of bathroom, Aro was already waiting for you. He brought you your meal and while you were eating, he would talk to you about things that were of minor importance. It was hard not to notice that he was in a great mood and you had to admit that you were sharing his optimism. He waited patiently for you to end your meal so that both of you could join Marcus and Caius in the study. If your human memory didn't fail you, a great number of issues had to be discussed.

You smiled, seeing so many papers and books on the wooden table. Caius and Marcus were sitting in the exact same places as yesterday.

“You should’ve wake me sooner, you know. I never sleep this much” you said, also sitting in the same place you were assigned the evening before. Aro sat in the chair on your right.

“You should sleep as long as you feel like it, dolcezza,” said Caius, focusing all his attention on you. You blushed a little. You weren’t used to being in the centre of attention. It didn't make you uncomfortable before, but after what happened... It was going to take some time before you could fully recover.  

“Caius is right. You should get plenty of sleep, my dear. If there’s no need to wake you up, we simply will not do it,” said Aro, whose smile has not left his face even for a moment.

When Marcus had finished whatever he was doing, you could finally move on to the conversation between the four of you. You thought that Aro will lead the conversation but, apparently, you were really going to discuss this together.

“I gathered you were a nurse before. You also worked with Carlisle,” started Aro, getting straight to the point. You nodded your head in agreement.

“Yes. I worked on Paediatric Intensive Care Unit but hospital in Forks is so small that I usually ended up also helping Carlisle with many things” you admitted, trying to divide your attention between three of them. If you were to stay a human for a little while, you needed to work on that. It was rather problematic to look at them all at once.

“We became friends when Bella started seeing Edward, but then the whole moving out thing came up and right now, I don't really know if I know Carlisle as well as I thought I did,” you said, without a trace of regret in your voice. Aro knew very well that you had a grudge against the doctor. Sure, Edward had left Bella, but you were sure Carlisle would have at least told you about the promotion. Now you knew it wasn't about that at all, and yet the grudge continued.

Aro smiled lightly, but you saw a glint of sadness in his eye.

“After you transformation I will be pleased to invite here my old friend Carlisle along with his family. I hope everything will work out fine between the two of you” he said with hope in his voice. You had no idea that Carlisle new Aro to the extent that he called him an old friend. You promised yourself to talk about this with Aro while in private.

“I’m…a bit concerned about this, actually” you said anxiously. “I know I need to become a vampire one day, but…” You never ended the sentence. Were you afraid of pain? No, certainly not. However, you wanted to begin with knowing your mates just a little bit more. You wanted to know more about this world you were supposed to spend eternity in.

“It’s perfectly alright to be afraid, [Y/N]” said Marcus, leaning closer to you. You felt stupid and young.

“I don’t think I’m afraid. I’m only…uncertain, because I know close to nothing about your lifestyle and I’m not sure I’m quite ready to experience it,” you tried to explain, as best as you could. Aro was a little bit ahead of Caius and Marcus, as he saw at least parts of such thoughts in your mind. Caius was the one to answer you.

“It understandable, [Y/N]. While you’ll be spending time with us, we’re going to explain everything to you. One step at a time, as my dear brother said earlier. And tell me, how do you like your chambers?” he asked, clearly curious about your opinion. You smiled, but it was a shy one.

“I love it, really, but, as I asked Aro earlier, isn’t it too much?” you suggested, trying not to offend him. Aro and Marcus smiled softly, Caius snorted.

“Nonsense, cara. With us, you'll have the very best of all worlds” he assured you.

“In that case, thank you, all of it is truly wonderful, although I feel a little awkward.”

Again, all three just laughed, but it wasn’t impolite in one bit. Aro put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“My dear, no need for you to fret about such things as money. The most important person to us is you and we will give you whatever you need” he assured you, still with that magnificent smile. You nodded shyly, not being able to say anything. You had only been with them in a room for a short while and you felt like you were drunk. The aura they exuded was irresistible. Simultaneously you wanted to be with each of them separately and with all of them altogether. It was not an affection, not yet, but this strange attraction did not allow itself to be forgotten easily. You yearned to be in the same room with them, just to be able to talk to them and look at each other constantly.

“I have… I have a house in Forks” you said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Would you like to sell your property?” asked Caius, raising an eyebrow. Aro was also intrigued. Marcus just continued to look at you, almost as he studied your face.

“I guess. I don't think I want to go back there again” you said quietly, recalling how many bad things happened there. You were no longer at ease, not even to mention amused. The kings, just as it happened the day before, felt the shift in your behaviour. “Ever” you emphasised, but it was only a whisper.  

Bad memories deluged your thoughts. Your mother's illness and death. Your father's accident, then his death. Also, the most recent events. You swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

“I don’t want this house. I don’t want to come back to this godforsaken place ever again,” you said, wiping away a single tear with your fingers. You were ashamed, but you could not hold back the tears that followed. You did not deserve to go through all of this.

It was Marcus who spoke first.

“Cara, Aro told us nothing about your past, but I can assure you no one is going to hurt you here. You can be certain about this” he said gently, handing you a handkerchief. You accepted it gratefully, then began to quickly wipe away your tears.

“Marcus is absolutely right, [Y/N]. There is nothing in this world that we cannot protect you from. We will always be by your side. You won’t be in danger ever again” Caius assured you, while you were still trying to get these tears under control.

Aro seemed as if he wanted to lock you in an embrace and never let you go again, but he restrained himself. You knew it was because of your memories, because he saw what happened to you, and because he literally lived through it with you. You thought that probably the latter pushed you towards this decision. Who could know better what you’ve been through, than a person who knew about all things that happened during your life? You wanted a hug, desperately, and you already knew, you could trust Aro on this one.

Once he saw the permission in your eyes, you immediately found yourself in his arms. As usual, he was immensely gentle and affectionate, stroking your hair while not touching your skin, so as not to accidentally read your thoughts. You cuddled into him trustingly, not caring that he was cold. You had known him one day and he had managed to evoke more trust within you, than friends that you had known for years.

When the crying eased and you calmed down slightly, you rested your head on his shoulder. Again, just like yesterday in the throne room, you felt as if you had been home for a long time. They were your home, not some pile of stones and a roof.

“I’m sorry” you whispered, trying not to be ashamed. Aro stroked your hair again.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, cara mia,” he assured you, with a gentle tone of his voice. You glanced at Marcus and Caius, but they only seemed at ease, as you finally were calm and not crying. Not a hint of jealousy. You didn't want Aro to let you out of his embrace and apparently he wasn't going to do anything of the sort either. You felt safe within his arms.

“Can you take care of ‘selling the house’ thing?” you asked, trying to remember what were you talking about before your emotional breakdown.

“Of course, [Y/N]. You could call Isabella later, to gather things you want to have here with you,” said Caius, exceptionally calm. Maybe his behaviour in the throne room was only an act? Or maybe he was being this way only because you were a mess and he didn’t want to upset you more than you already were.

“Yes, I’d like that, please” you said politely, wiping away the last of your tears with the handkerchief you got from Marcus.

“Are you ready to talk about the child, cara, or do you want to postpone it until some other time?” Aro asked you, trying to be as gentle with the word choice as possible. You hid your face in his jet black hair. It smelled of something you couldn't quite define, but it had a calming effect on you. You heaved a number of deep breaths. He gently caressed your shoulder.

“If you feel like sharing this, cara mia, please do. If you are unable to, do not force yourself” he advised, with so much sensitivity in his tone, that you wouldn’t expect from a man, yet alone from a vampire. It seemed that nor Caius, neither Marcus wanted to push you only to get this information.

You didn’t want to ponder about it for too long. It would definitely come to an end with you simply telling nothing at all. While you were not ready at all to talk about it, you needed to explain this somehow. You weren’t ready for any unexpected touch. You were adamant that current thing with Aro was caused by situation and your emotions. While the thought of Caius or Marcus touching you wasn’t downright awful, the idea of unexpected, unwelcomed touch made you twitch uncontrollably.

“As Aro was kind enough to mention…” started Marcus, probably to assure you no words were truly needed. You might, as well, have said it already. You didn't want anyone to accidentally touch you. You wanted to welcome the touch of your mates, just as you did with Aro a few minutes before. Being touched when you didn’t want would be catastrophic, not only for your mental health, but also for the stirring relationship with kings. It would have been worse than talking about rape itself out loud.

“I was raped a few weeks ago” you choked out, trying to make your voice sound as toneless and apathetic as possible. “I haven’t decided what to do with the… with it. Yet” you added, feeling stupid and extremely anxious. You wanted to get it over with, and at the same time you knew, it would have to be talked about at some point.

Nobody said anything. They probably waited for more words, maybe more emotions. You weren’t tense or embarrassed in front of them. Although, the uncertainty, of what were their thoughts on the topic, was a little bit intimidating. As minutes passed and you were saying nothing, Caius spoke up.

“Do you want us to kill him?” he asked, sweeping you off your feet with the question. You stared at him with amazement, completely forgetting about Aro embracing you. Your gaze didn’t discourage Caius a one bit. “Maybe some tortures first? What do you say, brothers?” he asked Aro and Marcus, his eyes remaining on you.

“Could you really do that?” you asked, before Aro or Marcus could answer. Caius started laughing out loud. There was something terrifying and, yet, incomprehensibly appealing about it. He leaned towards you.

“We would burn the whole world for you,” he whispered perilously. “If you want him to suffer, to be terrified, just as you were, say the word” he clarified, with a nasty smirk on his face. “We’ll make his last hours on Earth a living hell.”

Caius had something dangerous within himself. Something primal. He wasn’t so self-composed as Aro and as insular as Marcus. He was violent, fierce, vicious. It should scare you away from him. Only it didn’t. You believed every word he said and wanted it done. Why this little man should live his life peacefully, when you were traumatised and pregnant with a child you didn’t want in a first place?

“Revenge isn’t going to make you feel better” Aro whispered warningly into your ear, but still with calm and gentle voice.

“Yeah, I know that” you said to Aro, while still staring into Caius’s eyes. His also were crimson, but with lighter shade than Aro’s. You weren’t anxious anymore, nor were you in emotional breakdown. “But women he wants to rape will feel better if he doesn’t” you said, smiling almost as darkly as Caius. You got the feeling that you two were going to get along pretty well. Caius leaned back into his chair.

“Fantastic. We’ll talk about it more in following weeks, dear” he said, obviously pleased with the outcome of the conversation.

“Regardless if you keep the child, you’re going to be one of us” reminded Aro, to change the subject. When he mentioned transformation, you were far more conscious than few moments before. You tried not to be pessimistic about the change. You knew questions needed to be asked, but you had plenty of time to ask about anything you wanted and exactly three most experienced vampires in the world to answer them.

“We established it before, Aro” said Marcus for the first time in a while. You gathered that he wasn’t the talkative one here. You disentangled yourself from Aro's embrace and returned to your chair. Enough touching for today. However, you were sure that the sense of safety and comfort that he provided you with, would remain with you for a long time.

“I’m not able to tell you now if I want to keep the child” you said with confidence. “Anyway, I need to know what will happen, whether I decide to terminate the pregnancy or not.”

You were looking directly at Aro. You knew he had the final word here. You had a feeling how it’ll end, but you wanted to hear it anyway and have it straightforward. Aro sighed softly and smiled warmly after.

“If you’d like to keep the child, you’re going to give birth to it and when it’ll be grown up enough, it’ll become one of us” he said, his gaze extremely soft.

“Okay” you agreed. “And what if I’m not going to keep the child?” you asked, because it was the more probable occurrence. Aro saw it within your thoughts and you weren’t going to act like it wasn’t the choice you were closer to opt for. His smile remained gentle and warm, his eyes calm and soft on yours.

“The things that need to be done, are going to be done” he said, and you were extremely grateful that he didn’t use the ‘abortion’ word. You were too emotionally unstable to talk about it so straightforward. “We are going to know each other a little bit more. You’ll also meet our most trustful guards to feel safe. When you’ll be ready, one of us will change you” he explained, as simple as he could. You smiled at him a little sadly.

“Alright. Do I have any time limitations?” you asked curiously, throwing a quick glance at Caius and Marcus.

“No, dolcezza. You can take as much time as you want. You’re finally with us. That’s what truly matters to us” he reassured you. He was neither angry nor upset with the thought of you postponing transformation till the child is being born.

“One step at a time” he said cheerfully and smiled. You also smiled. It was almost impossible not to. “Cara mia, you’re so pretty when you smile. I hope you’ll be able to do that more and more here” this sentence made you blush. All three of them laughed, which made you blush even more.

“Thank you” you whispered, but it was a little unsure and hesitant. You saw concern on their faces.

“May I ask you one more question?” this time it was Marcus who asked.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Have you checked how far along are you? You’ve told us that maybe you’ll want to terminate the pregnancy, but my concern is about your health and how your body is going to catch up with the decision of yours, regardless what it’ll be” he said, very politely, trying not to offend you. You appreciated that dearly.

Marcus did ask very good question, though. You had no idea how far along you were. It was at least three months since it happened, so your first trimester should be over very soon.

“I don’t know. I haven’t checked. I couldn’t find the courage to do so. The only thing the doctor did, was to confirm the pregnancy” you answered, trying hard to remember if something else was being said.

“We should probably call the doctor, then” said Marcus, concern noticeable in his voice. Aro and Caius agreed with him, so did you.  

“So, do I have my own cook at my disposal?” you asked to change the subject and relieve tension a bit. Enough of difficult subjects for today.

“Ah, yes, my dear, of course!” said Aro with extreme enthusiasm. “I hope you enjoyed your breakfast today. If something isn’t the way you want it, tell any of us right away.”

“Oh, yes, I did! Hey, and I told you that already!” you said, quite amused. “Am I not supposed to be the one, who forgets?” you asked, laughing.

Caius laughed most loudly, clearly amused by what you’ve just said. Aro smiled, watching you being in better mood, than before. Marcus was just Marcus, but he also smiled.

You spent the rest of the day with the kings, talking about many important and less important things. Mostly, you talked about the matter of selling your house, the things you will want to have with you in the castle, the fact that you should give up your job and your personal guard. The latter has been the cause of endless discussion. Later that evening, Aro decided that Renata, his personal guard, would be temporarily assigned to you.

You wanted to argue but there was literally no point in it. You knew that for the time you were still human, you had to have some sort of guard, because you couldn't even handle half a vampire on your own. You weren't tired at all, so after eating dinner you spent time with Caius and Marcus, trying to figure out what you could do together to get to know each other better. Unfortunately, Aro was obliged to attend to some important business, but in this case, you had already established some kind of a bond with him.

Caius and Marcus deeply respected your wish not to touch you in any way. You visited the library and were sure you had simply fallen in love. Sadly, most of the books were written in languages the existence of which you were previously unaware. Marcus was more than happy to offer you to study with him. To begin with, learning Italian. You had not yet discovered what Caius liked to do, but you were sure you would soon find out.

When they too had to attend to important matters, they escorted you to your room, and you decided it would be a good idea to call Bella. Not just about the house, but generally to let her know you were alive. When you’ve finally reached her, you both couldn’t shut up.

“Hi, sister!” you squeaked, overly excited. You heard her laugh.

“Hi! Are you fine, [Y/N]? I was starting to worry, the only thing that kept me from calling you was Alice,” she said and you laughed.

“Hi [Y/N]!” you heard Alice in the background. You threw yourself on the bed, so that you could lie on your stomach. You hugged your pillow and made yourself comfortable.

“Hi Alice!” you greeted her, smiling to yourself like a mad person, who you probably were, given the circumstances. “I’m happy to hear you, Bella, seriously. Are you at Cullen’s place?” you asked curious, as where Alice came from.

“Yeah, exactly. We were all worried here, you know” she admitted, you heard how anxious she was. You couldn’t help it but laughed.

“Well, how could you leave me in the lion's den like that” you joked and heard someone’s laugh.

“She’s fun. I need to meet her” you heard again and also laughed.

“This will probably happen sooner rather than later,” you answer to this mystery someone with confidence. Bella’s side fell silent. “But, you know, I guess I’m okay. I had fifteen hours of sleep today and the best scrambled eggs in my entire life” you admitted cheerfully, thinking about you waking up and eating your breakfast in Aro’s presence. You smiled widely. You heard someone talking in the background, but you had no idea what was this all about.

“That’s good because I was worried sick when we got out of that room” Bella admitted, trying to sound not too worried, though.

“It’s better than fine, you know. And how are you? You seriously were as white as a sheet while in throne room” you said and this was your turn to be worried about Bella again. “Hey, and I hope this asshole isn’t going to leave you again. My threat is in force,” you said in a threatening tone, knowing that Edward could definitely hear it. You heard the same laugh as before plus Bella’s laugh.

“I’m sure he’ll not be doing it again. Carlisle has already scolded him decently.”

Your heart ached a little after hearing Carlisle’s name. You thought he was your friend, or maybe it was beginning of friendship, and now you had no idea what to think about it at all.

“Good. How are you, Bells?” you asked again, hugging your pillow tightly.

“I’m okay, really, [Y/N]. No need to worry about me.”

Of course you were going to worry about her. She was just like a little sister to you. No way you’d stop worrying. Suddenly, you remembered what happened in the throne room and became seriously concerned.

“Have you set a date?” you asked, and again, the other side fell silent. This time completely. You sighed heavily. “I’m not a spy, you know, but I’m worried about you. We will need to talk about all of this. I get why didn’t you tell me, but, seriously Bella, your self-preservation instinct does not exist,” you scolded her, just a little. You had a feeling that she gave no fucks, no matter what anyone could say about this situation.

“Says the “I’m staying here, Bella” person” she gritted out with sarcasm. You rolled your eyes.

“One, they wouldn’t let me leave. Two, you were in danger and I was alright with sacrificing myself to save you. Three…” this time you fell silent, realising something important. “…I wouldn’t go. I’m not able to. This bond, whatever it is, it’s strong shit. You probably now it, as you have this with Edward. I have got it triple.”

After really long moment of complete silence, Bella spoke up.

“Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?” she asked, her question as heavy as storm clouds. You sighed.

“Because I’ve got nothing to live for, ya know? I was prepared that I wouldn’t get out alive,” you admitted with sad voice, but it was downright true.

“You’re pregnant, [Y/N]” she said, like it was something, which could immediately improve your well-being and quality of life. You felt like throwing up.

“Yeah. I’m pregnant with the child I don’t want, with a man I’ve never met, who forced himself on me and made my life more miserable than it already was. I should probably send him a card or something because, guess what, I’ve never considered that my life is going to be more crappy than it already was after my parents’ death.”

When you ended the sentence and no one said anything, you just sighed heavily.

“You’ve got the date set?” you asked again, merely curious about this and to change the topic.

“Not yet” she said, her voice sad and full of emotions.

“Then do it. They’re patient, to some extent, but don't tempt fate. I don’t want to attend yet another funeral,” you said bitterly, trying not to think at all.

“How can you be so calm about all of this?” Bella snapped suddenly, making you shift uncomfortably on bed.

“And how you can be so calm? How was this your fucking plan from the very beginning? Once again, I try to understand you, while not understanding you at all” you snapped too, tired of any games. Before she could answer, you continued:

“I’m not coming back. I wanted to ask you if you could go to my house and get some things, I can make you a list if it’s going to be easier.”

You thought telling her this right away would be better than if she wasn’t aware for weeks or months.

“What?! Why aren’t you coming back?” she asked with raised voice. You wanted to shout and scream but you didn’t. It was too much for one day.

“Because I’ve got nothing to come back to. You’re going to be a vampire anyway, so I’ll see you in some time. I’m selling the house and I want to leave the past exactly where it belongs” you explained, trying not to yell. The hormone fluctuations didn't make it easy for you at all.

Another silence. You were tired of all of this.

“Can you do this for me, Bella? Because if you can’t, I’m sure…”

She didn’t let you finish.

“Of course I’ll do it for you. Can we talk tomorrow about the details?” she asked, her voice calmed a bit.

“Yeah, sure. It’s well after midnight here anyway, so I should probably go to sleep. I’ve got doctor’s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon” you said, trying to sound casually. Last thing you needed now was to argue about anything with Bella.

“Okay, so, call me tomorrow?” she asked. “And be safe.”

“You too, Bells. Take care. I love you, sis” you said, trying to stop the forthcoming tears.

“I love you too, [Y/N].”

Long after this phone call, you couldn’t get yourself to sleep. You tried bath this time, but it was mostly useless. At least, you were clean. First time after the rape, you decided to touch your belly on purpose. It began to curve gently, and, apart from that, you still felt pain and pressure in your breasts. You put on a nightdress and went to bed, this time actually trying to get some sleep. You also tried not to think too much about what the future would bring.

[maschotch]

Sjejfjej your tags abt jj are so funny i love them

Do you hate her for real or is it for funsies? I wanna read more abt your opinions on her youre cool

ahhhhhh ok i know people are gonna hate me for this but honestly fuck it 

this is way longer than i thought it was gonna be so its going under a read-more

tw self harm, homophobia, suicide mention

jj had never been my favorite. i think she could’ve been cool? maybe?? idk like she’s the only one on the team with blue eyes so thats already a red flag. then as soon as she becomes a mom, they make that her entire personality--suddenly identifying with and empathizing with mothers that... i guess she didnt?? before?? like now for some reason she’s able to understand what they’re going through as if she was just pretending to care before and didn’t really give a shit. she has suuuuch white centrist pro-life energy. but i decided i full on hated her in the episode in season 10: the itch

essentially the premise is that a bunch of people have various mental illness that makes them feel real or imagined pain, and from that come nightmarish delusions like bugs crawling in their skin. a lot of these are so horrible that people will self harm, either willingly or subconsciously. the unsub obviously takes this way too far and starts killing people, etc, but he makes a friend: someone who doesn’t know about the murders and killings but who identifies with his suffering and paranoia and they bond over showing their scars from self harm. it’s clearly an extremely emotional vulnerable moment for her and she’s spent her whole life embarrassed by her condition.

so eventually they find and interrogate this girl (again: she has no idea about the murders). she refuses to talk, so jj and kate take a different approach. they know that the closer to the truth they get, she’ll grow more uncomfortable, and the more uncomfortable she gets, she’ll scratch herself. they force this woman, who’s been manipulated by the unsub to further distrust the government, into self harming--something we see has been a lifelong issue and source of shame. and they take advantage of it. and they laugh about it.

after the whole ordeal and they find the guy save the victim etc etc jj is dropping off the girl. and she has the audacity to be mad when the girl isn’t thanking them for it. this girl was already wary of the government and instead of trying to gain her trust or explain things to her, they instantly resort to exploiting her mental illness and rely on her hurting herself to get what they need out of her. the girl feels rightfully exploited and violated, definitely traumatized by being put in that situation. criminal minds has always been a #copaganda show so its easy for viewers to forget how genuinely frightening and outright dangerous being forcefully detained by law enforcement can be. and jj is mad enough to get out of the car and follow her to her door and essentially demand gratitude.

and these characters aren’t perfect and the writers aren’t perfect and we really could just chalk it up to being a bad criminal minds moment. but hotch, in that same episode dealing with someone who has a similar mental illness with similar levels of paranoia, is able to communicate with that person without forcing her to harm herself. instead he takes the opposite approach and give her something he knows soothes it. so it’s not just a case of “whoops guess the writers blew it on this one” because they did just fine with it earlier. and for some reason jj’s upset that this girl was traumatized by how they took advantage of her. this whole show that’s supposedly about empathy and understand different kinds of mental illness and jj’s just like “okay but you should know better.” 

i can’t remember what episode this is, but the episode where the 911 operator is kidnapping children and killing their mothers? there’s a mom struggling with severe depression and suicidal thoughts. when she’s going through an extreme suicidal episode, she drops her son off at her mother’s so he doesn’t have to witness any of it: she’s trying to protect him. and again, copaganda show, but they usually do a pretty good job of empathizing with the parent and assuaging their guilt: “it’s not your fault” “you couldn’t have known this was going to happen” “nothing you could’ve done would’ve changed the unsub’s desire to take a child” etc. but instead of showing any of that empathy, even as they’re discussing the case on the plane, jj immediately victim blames her. “how could she just leave her child like that? i’d never do that” and calls her a bad mother. which i mean sure she’s probably not number one mom on the planet but she has a severe mental illness and we see derek and spencer explore the house later and realize that, despite her depression, she keeps the house easy for a child to navigate independently. she obviously loves her son very much and, as we explicitly hear throughout the episode, the kid loves his mom too, even if he’s concerned for her safety. he has no illusions: he knows his mom is depressed and he knows she goes through hard periods and instead of resenting her, he just wants to be there for her and keep her from hurting herself. despite her illness she provides for him and supports him and makes sure she has happy memories no matter how she feels about herself.

when jj is talking with her (to be fair: doing her job and trying to see if she had anything to do with her child’s disappearance), she has such “I’m an Empath” moments. the mom, only thinking of getting her child back and being extremely cooperative and explaining what exactly happened that day, says she was having one of her bad days and just wasn’t capable of taking every step to insure the child’s safety: dropping him off was something she’d done before, the child knows the drill by now, she has no reason to believe he wasn’t capable of going inside grandma’s house on his own. (in fact the only reason he didn’t was because he trusted the man who took him: it didn’t matter if the grandma knew he was coming or not, the guy was going to get him anyway) but jj, empath extraordinaire, says “i understand these bad days that you have, i really do” despite clearly not understanding the severity of the mom’s illness. it was genuinely all she could do to drop him off and protect him in the only way she knew how. and jj’s thrown for a loop when the mom rolls back her sleeves and shows the multiple self harm scars. jj still doesn’t understand and still blames her for her child being taken, something that they almost never do on this show. i’m hard pressed to think of another time they ever do that.

but you know who also doesn’t like the mom and thinks the child would be better off without her? the unsub who kills her. not a peep from jj on that one.

to be fair both of these topics are extremely personal to me, because of my own expriences with self harm and depression and suicide, and my family history of the illnesses referenced that jj belittles. so i may be biased and more offended than i should be, but i’m still justified bc jj’s still clearly in the wrong

both of these are cases of jj disregarding, exploiting, or mocking mental illness. ableism, put bluntly. so rewatching the show (as i’ve done many times over :^)) and bearing that in mind, it’s suddenly easy to see the ways she’s behaved similarly throughout the show. she’s always the first one to make fun of spencer. and even though morgan is just as willing to joke around, morgan also makes it clear that he’s messing around. when spencer seems hurt by something, morgan goes “i’m just playin” and talks it out with him. jj just shuts him down or cuts him off and has no trouble telling everyone they interact with just how annoying he is, even when that person is genuinely interested in what he’s saying. and a lot of these instances are played off as hashtag girlboss moments but its at spencer’s expense every time.

it’s not just that either. she’s insensitive across the board. she will be IN THE ROOM with spencer/derek/hotch and say something like “i guess we all turn out like our fathers in the end” or “the abuse is always cyclical and there’s no escape”. she knows about their issues with their fathers/father figures (or in hotch’s case, what’s been implied that she apparently hasn’t picked up on) and will still repeat common insecurities and lifelong concerns abuse victims have about becoming their abuser. she repeats these misconceptions even when she’s supposed to be a profiler and should know better by now.

jj had potential. she really really did. but they absolutely butchered her character and while also making her suuuuper disrespectful to everyone else. they really love their white feminism girlboss moments on this show (elle and emily are not immune from this) but while elle’s moments are about supporting women and defending herself, and emily’s moments are about embracing her sexuality and quipping at men (again--these aren’t great in context either), jj’s is about identifying with toxic masculinity and making fun of neurodivergence.

jj as a character had potential. she really did. but they kept flip flopping on who her character was. when she became a mom she was a completely different person. when she came back in season 7 she wanted to be a profiler, despite her saying she would never want to do that in earlier seasons. she doesn’t have a personality because they give her a new one every couple seasons, so she’s difficult to identify with outside of her white feminist moments and ableism.

there were so many moments that they could’ve expanded on. like how the episodes about her romantic life are frequently linked with their “gay” episodes and how she always seems especially invested in cases involving violent homophobia. it would’ve been so so interesting if in “in heat” she would’ve come out as lesbian (something i always think they should’ve done!! especially when they have will explicitly say he would be understanding if something like that happened). so at this point i just think she’s a lesbian who grew up with such traditional moral values that she cannot shake so she just stays so deep in the closet that she won’t even admit it to herself. that makes her character so much more interesting to me and i have a lot of thoughts on ways she’s projected that onto her female friends who she kinda falls in love with--the closeted lesbian experienceTM. but i really can’t just ignore all the undeniable ableism: it’s so deeply ingrained in her character--one of the few traits that lasts all show for her.

i’m sure there are more things that i’ve left out and i’m sure @t4thotchniss can help me out because we’ve been talking about this for years but this is already so long i’m not gonna try to think of the rest of it. yeah jj just has those white feminist pinterest mom vibes. honestly it’s almost enough for me to stop watching the show, and episodes with her as the focus are always ones i skip on my rewatch because i just can’t stand her. her only saving grace is that she’s hot

[elriell]

A very big point of tension within the ACOTAR fandom currently is Elain & her ability to produce Illyrian children, and I am here to discuss it. I have no intention of pointing fingers at any one group just hopefully seek to clear up why this line of thought is so damaging and ultimately hurtful to many.

A woman’s worth or ability to be a viable romantic candidate should never reside in her uterus or in this case bone structure, whether that be in day to day life or shipping the principle remains the same, this is a very harmful narrative to those who cannot reproduce.

I don’t think everyone who is arguing this point is trying to be dismissive of infertile women, I have seen a few posts trying to rationalise it by saying they are just reading the textual evidence that supports their ship, but what needs to be understood is in doing so you are implying that having/not having biological kids is a solid reason for a woman not to be a romantic partner and that is not okay.

But if we must look at it and analyse it because it is soooo important textually, then fine, let’s;

“If I had not met a shadowsinger, I would not have known that it is the family you make, not the one you are born into, that matters. I would not have known what it is to truly hope, even when the world tells you to despair.” 

The family you make, not “born in to”. Do you really believe Azriel is going to choose based off babies, he who has little connection to his biological family and has a whole paragraph dedicated to him finding his chosen family?

“Cassian looked over at Az. “You think you’ll ever be ready for one?” Ever be ready to confess to Mor what’s in your heart? “I don’t know,” Azriel said. “Do you want a child?” “It doesn’t matter what I want.” Distant words—ones that prevented Cassian from prying further. ”

While very sad words they are quite telling, this is after they are discussing Feysand’s baby, he is obviously aware of the risks it might pose Elain, but it doesn’t matter to him because he cares/loves her.

“But for them—for my family both of blood and my own choosing, for my mate … The idea that hit me did not seem so frightening.”

“A chosen family. Like the one Feyre had found for herself.”

Throughout the whole series the concept of found family is emphasised. 

The thing that makes me laugh most is the idea that further than adopting, it implies there is no way for Elain to alter her own body, do you really think if Nesta can change her and Feyre’s that Elain (who the Cauldron loves) wouldn’t grant her a gift too. That in a world of magic and faeries this couldn’t be easily explained if need be.

Using one line as justification is so bizarre to me.

 “My bones are slightly more pliant than ordinary High Fae’s, but who cares about that?”

This could very well have double meaning, could come in to play further down the line but we simply can’t say. 

Some people believe Balthazar might be a potential love interest for Gwyn and he is Illyrian, did Sarah add the line for their future children? See how easy it is for one simple line to be relevant to anyone depending on how you frame it. Of course like I said, I don’t believe it was intended to be associated with child birth at all, I am just making a point.

Sarah J Maas is an adopted kid, do you really, genuinely believe she would ever lay the groundwork for one of her couples based on them having a biological child? Does that truly make sense to anyone? 

To give you a little further emotional context, her dedications;

“To my parents: it took me a while to realize it, but I’m tremendously blessed to have you as my Number One fans—and to have you as parents. To my family: thank you for the unconditional love and support.”

“To my family (especially my parents): I love you to the moon and back.”

“To my parents: thank you for the fairy tales and folklore, for the adventures around the world, and for the weekend mornings with bagels and lox from Murray’s.”

“To my parents: it’s been one hell of a year, but we made it. I’ll never stop being amazed and grateful that I can even say those words. I love you both.”

“My wonderful parents and family: it’s been so long since we’ve been able to see each other in person, but I’ve felt your love even from hundreds of miles away.”

Yes, yes, certainly sounds like a woman who would hinge a relationship on biology. 

You can analyse textual evidence seven ways to Sunday and 9/10 I will never comment on it because theorising is all for fun, but this topic is genuinely concerning that people truly believe SJM would suggest such a thing in her literature. 

I genuinely believe she would be incredibly disappointed in her readers for thinking she would imply such a hurtful narrative.

[Infertility Article  &  How it Can Affect People] Some interesting reading if you want to understand a little more peoples pain, and trauma in this area but genuinely you can do a quick Google and find countless articles about it.

But that’s just my opinion. 

[skellebonez]

You asked for more Macaque and Mei, and I shall request more! Possibly from my Parents and Kiddos au with 7 and 36? And you get to decide if this is before or after Macaque decide that this kid is his kid

Yeah so... remember how I told you to remember a very specific piece of art for this au you drew? It gave me a bit of an idea that probably does not fit in the timeline of how Mac took Mei in, but this is my personal take on how he could have decided he couldn't just leave her because he cared too much now.

Warning: short scene of a young child being reminded of a traumatic event unintentionally and by accident, it is very vague while the child is in no danger and quickly helped, but it should be warned for.

Stop acting like a child!/Did you honestly think that was going to impress me?

"Oh... Please, small human, for 3 more minutes stop acting like a child!" The person sitting across from Macaque at the table muttered out, pulled out of trying to focus on their conversation by the small human in the room jumping on the bed. Macaque had half a mind to kick them out then and there, had he not needed the payment they were discussing to afford the room for another night.

"I am a child!" Mei responded quickly, tone terse and tight and more frustrated than a child her age should have to sound like. But Macaque couldn't blame her, stuck in the hotel room and having to listen to two adults (who she did not realize were demons discussing... business in vague terms) with little to no entertainment thanks to the TV being off for this meeting. "Maybe if you did more of your magic tricks I'd be less bored!"

"A-ah... right... my apologies," The person said quickly, sighing as they realized their mistake. While they sat with the appearance of a slightly elder woman in a black and white suit with brilliant red eyeliner to Mei, Macaque could see them for their true appearance through the glamor if he tried. Her disguise would have been a futile effort had Mei not believe the wind based magic she used earlier in their meeting to be a human magic trick and the woman a magician. The crane demon turned back to Macaque, a seemingly genuine apologetic smile on her face as she lowered her voice as much as possible. "I forget small humans are always still children."

"As long as everything is cleared," Macaque replied, watching from the corner of his eye with a smile as Mei curled into a ball and bounced one last time with a laugh before grabbing a book he had... "purchased" for her and sprawling out on the bed to read it. He hated to admit it, but the kid had grown on him. Just a bit.

"Oh yes!" The demon woman said with wide smile, pulling a card from her suit coat pocket. "Here, all the money has been loaded onto here. My brother insisted on a more substantial sum, given the job, so there are more yuan on there than you expect." Generosity for what he did was not exactly commonplace, so more than likely it was a bribe. "Keep your trap shut, Macaque" or "please don't come back and kill us" most likely. Not that he would go out of his way to do the later. Not now. The demon cleared her throat, holding out her hand. "The... you know?"

Macaque did know, pulling out a tiny scroll from a nearby bag to hand to her. It was simple, some kind of spell that could be used against her family specifically, and he watched as she looked at it with disgust.

"You have no idea the trouble you have saved my family, Six-Eared Macaque," she said, pulling out and adhering a sticker of some kind to the scroll. He'd never seen something like it before, but he wished he had taken a second to ask what she had been doing when the scroll immediately burst into flames that were held in place by her wind magic.

The effect was instantaneous. The scroll was engulfed in flame, disappearing and out in seconda. Macaque shot up to his feet. And despite his hopes she had actually been paying attention to her book enough to be distracted, Mei screamed.

He had to rush quickly to stop her running into the table to get to him, tears streaming down the young girl's face as she wrapped her arms and legs around his neck and torso immediately. She screamed and wailed into his neck, muttering "no"s into the fur that had sprouted up as his glamor fell away. She was too afraid to notice.

"Wh-what!?" The crane demon shot to her feet, worry and confusion on her face as she went to take a step forward only to be met with a deep grown and bared teeth from the monkey demon. "I-I just wanted to show you what I had designed! Is she-?"

"Come anywhere near her and I'll gouge your eyes out!" Macaque hissed in fury, raising a clawed hand to the back of Mei's head in the hopes to comfort her. He'd seen this happen before and he knew that she was not listening to him. "Did you honestly think that was going to impress me? Get out. I don't want to see your face anywhere near here for the next few days. If I do you'll have a worse fate than that scroll."

The crane demon stood up straight, face falling into a grimmace. "Y-yes, Six-Eared Macaque..." she turned, making her way to the door before pausing and looking at Mei with a frown. "For what it's worth... I'm sorry. Had I known that would frighten the child I would have waited."

He simply growled at her, ears flared and teeth bared at her until she left and he heard the clicking of the door locking behind her. He waited, listening to her footsteps rushing down the hotel hallway before he sighed shakily and backed up to sit on the bed with Mei still curled around him.

He made a mental note then and there to not only find out what those stickers were (which meant talking to the crane demon again, he did not look forward to that), but to also never allow Mei to be in the room during negotiations with demons again. Even telling them not to use fire around her was too much of a risk. Too much...

As Mei's crying softened against his neck, Macaque sighed and gently rubbed her back and muttered to her that it would be alright. There was no flame. The fire was gone. She was safe. He purred softly, the rumbles hopefully doing something to ease her fear.

It had been an inevitably that Mei would have an aversion to fire, Macaque had known this in the back of his mind the moment he saved her. Regardless of how much or little of the house fire that had taken her parents from her, the one he had rescued her from, she remembered or actually saw. Perhaps, in time, she would be less afraid. Maybe not afraid at all, given the right help in the future. But for now all flames larger than a lighter or kitchen stove horrified the young girl, making her scream and try to escape as quickly as possible. Escape to him so he could save her again.

"Are you going to leave me behind again?" Mei asked quietly as her tears slowed after a long while of crying her heart out, hiccuping softly. Macaque quickly put his glamor back up and ceased the now almost imperceptible demon purrs, not wanting her to learn of his demon form as she finally pulled back from the koala tight grip she had on him. "Please don't leave me behind this time..."

Macaque felt like a knife had been driven into his chest. When he had first saved Mei from the fire he was certain that he would just find someone to shove her at and be done with his good deed. But Mei kept coming back, not wanting to leave his side. He supposed at the time it was understandable, given what had happened, and after a time he had stopped trying to leave her behind the way he had been. He hadn't quite taken her in proper but he let her stay by his side, for the moment. And over time she'd grown on him. Now...

"I'm not going to do that," he said softly, ruffling her hair with a frown as he pulled her into another hug. "Not like that."

"What?" The young girl looked up at him as if she hadn't expected him to agree. "You mean... you're really gonna stay?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod, looking away as more tears continued to fall from her eyes. He wasn't used to this, had never actually wanted kids... at least... he thought he had never wanted kids. "I'll stay with you, happy now?"

He made his tone light, joking almost though his words were truthful. He'd learned over his short time taking care of Mei that she was smart and could pick up on sarcasm and jokes quickly. And she seemed to pick up on the light tone of his voice quickly.

"Really?" She asked in a hopeful tone.

"Yeah yeah, but you gotta stop the water works kid," he said with a smile, turning back to wipe away the tears from the corners of her eyes with his shirt sleeve. "Or you're gonna run out of tears and shrivel up like a raisin."

"No I won't," Mei countered with all the assurance of a doctor telling a patient they would live, a chuckle escaping her as she wrapped her arms around his neck in another hug. "... thank you..."

Macaque almost told her not to thank him for doing what he should have probably done a long time ago. But instead he held her close, tucking her head under his chin as he tried to hold back the comforting purrs that threatened to raise up again and reveal himself.

He made another set of mental notes as she quickly fell asleep against him and he tucked her into bed before sitting up beside her with a book of his own (thankful he could see well enough in the dark) to distract his racing mind. He needed to find somewhere for them to stay, really stay and not just cheap hotel rooms to hop from. He needed to find someone who could help her with what had happened, no more beating around the bush she needed more help than he could give. He needed to take precautions to make sure she would be safe, just in case given who he was.

Everything else... well. He was never too old to learn how to do new things for his... daughter. Yeah. His daughter sounded right he supposed. He'd be able to play it by ear.

He had 6 of them after all.

[ask-hunterxhunter]

Continuation of yandere trio: how would they b like as dads in their yandere state? What would the s/o do if she stsrted to notice that their kid starts to resemble their father's behavior? How would the adult trio react to their kid trying to help their mother escape?

Illumi

The S/O’s reaction would depend on many factors (personality, her state after everything that happened, so on), so it’s not so easy to predict it. As for Illumi’s, well… I can tell you it wouldn’t be pretty. It’s disturbing enough that Illumi would act as if you’re indeed married and happy together (though it is how he sees things), imagine how it would be with a baby.

 Because he doesn’t see anything wrong with his actions, Illumi wouldn’t force you to act as a “happy, loving wife” or bother to hide the circumstances of your relationship from his children (though he might not be so obvious, keeping a few details from them, such as kidnapping for example, especially during the first years of their lives, believing they’re “too young to understand”). It’s not that he would sit down with them at some point and tell that he’s kidnapped you, but he wouldn’t deny it if you told them. He wouldn’t be exactly happy if the child ended up asking “why do you hurt mommy” or “why don’t you love her”, but he wouldn’t go into a fit of rage, at least.

 If/When the child questioned Illumi about your “relationship”, he would give the same responses he gives when you try to explain to him that he is hurting you: Cold, “logical” arguments that completely ignore the matter of free will and the nature of feelings.

 Yes, it would be pretty messed up.

 Perhaps the only good thing we can say about this is that Illumi would never use them against you or vice-versa (such as keeping the baby away if you don’t behave, poisoning the child to hate you, or threatening to hurt them to keep you in line). He might forbid you from seeing them, but only in “extreme” cases as Illumi would have the whole “delusion that you’re a happy family” going on.

 This, however, is the only good thing we can say about Yandere!Illumi as a father. Remember the kind of yandere this guy is? The one likely to believe that you do love him, sees nothing wrong with his actions, and all? This sort of applies to his own child as well, in a sense. He would already want to raise them as he was raised but it would be worse in this case: The child would be more a part of his “ideal” of a family than individuals. Illumi would be a lot more “overprotective”, while also being manipulative, wanting to shape his children to be the “perfect successors” of his bloodline. While you can still argue with him about it, he will listen a lot less (if at all) than in a normal state of mind.

 It’s not that Illumi wouldn’t love them, but if the Zoldyck’s kind of “love” is already twisted normally, well, imagine how it would be in this scenario. He might even mention that he wouldn’t make the same mistakes he made with Killua.

 Actually, his behavior towards Killua is a pretty good indication of how he would be as a father, only worse.

 Thankfully, there is the chance of your influence and the child’s own nature rebelling against Illumi’s teachings, so they wouldn’t be an “Illumi 2.0”.

 Once Illumi realized your child is trying to help you escape (maybe even wanting to leave with you), whether you’re successful or not, he would be angry, confused, and even hurt (as hypocritical as that sounds). He is virtually incapable of understanding you both wanting to leave him. You’re a family, he loves you both, he keeps you safe… Your behavior makes no sense. Why would his wife and children want to go away?

 If you are caught in this attempt, Illumi would punish you both, all while saying that it’s not something he wants to, but he can’t have this bad behavior. He would probably place the child in chains and whip them, or some other “Zoldyck-like” punishment, while keeping you two from seeing each other for a while. If you guys kept trying, he might decide to put needles in the both of you to prevent future attempts.

 Hisoka

Hisoka never cared much for the idea of becoming a father, but once it happens, he accepts it and may surprise those around him by actually becoming excited about it after a while. This is all fine and good, but with him as a Yandere? Well, the excitement still happens and all, but it’s disturbing…

 Don’t try to point out how messed up this situation is, Hisoka will just smile and ask how can you say this? Don’t you see? You’re a family now. Yes, it’s possible that he hopes/believes this may work in his favor, somehow “pushing” you into accepting him. He certainly won’t hesitate to make use of it, often holding you close, whispering that this is “our child”, so on… Really, Hisoka may not be the abusive type of Yandere, but he is the proof that sometimes hell can exist without physical violence.

 It’s not easy to say/imagine how Hisoka would be as a dad because, well, c’mon, it’s Hisoka. However, especially in this situation, we can’t say he would change just because he became a dad (especially in his behavior towards you). It’s just not in his nature. And we can’t forget that this child was born from a person who simply does not love him. About that, it’s unclear whether Hisoka would care to keep the whole “yandere” thing hidden from the child (including that he’s keeping you with him by threat/force/whatever). He believes in living life as he wants, so while this may sound sick, he wouldn’t see why this might be problematic. If you decide to pretend to be an actual couple for the sake of the child, Hisoka may agree but he won’t be pleased about it. Remember, he is the sort of yandere that does want you to love him for real.

 While he wouldn’t completely ignore what you have to say about raising the child (at least not completely), Hisoka would probably want to train them soon, imprinting his values and views of the world on them. It wouldn’t be to Illumi’s level, but it would still be pretty dysfunctional. Not that Hisoka would see it like this, as he genuinely believes in his way of life (let’s be honest, the guy isn’t exactly one that cares too much about “good” and “bad”, is he?).

 It's hard to say whether or not Hisoka would be abusive (though it seems unlikely) despite this particular aspect (or at least it wouldn’t be to Illumi’s level), but that doesn’t mean he would be exactly a good dad. He may want to be, but his mental state simply doesn’t allow it. Even if he treats the child well, c’mon, you’re being kept against your will. There is no chance of this being a healthy environment for a child to grow (and the danger of them turning out like Hisoka is beyond scary). Besides, it’s open for debate how much of the affection Hisoka has for the child is genuine and how much is connected to his obsession for you (which would not tone down after the birth).

 If the child is smart, they would not let Hisoka know they don’t agree with him keeping you with him against your will, regardless of his argument that he does love you. Hisoka would at once start to pay attention to their moves, so escaping would be even harder.

 He would be… “Displeased” to see your child trying to help you escape (even more if you two succeed). Yes, he isn’t delusional like Illumi, but it doesn’t mean he accepts the fact that you don’t love him, and having his child helping you (and probably running away with you, if they know what’s good for them) would feel like a betrayal.

 He wouldn’t take that well at all.

 Hisoka would hunt you two down like a hound from hell, making his decision to kill all the Spiders seem like a walk on the beach. There would be no arguments, no talking, no nothing, he would find you. As much as he could be training the child, it wouldn’t be enough for them to win should they try to engage him in a fight. About that, Hisoka might see that the child doesn’t want to be an insane fighter like this, but he secretly believes that he can change that with time.

 It should be noted that Hisoka wouldn’t kill them, but it would pretty much the same it is with you in a sense: He would simply not let the child go and would resort to whatever means are necessary to keep you both with him.

 Chrollo

 Due to his lifestyle and focus on the Phantom Troupe’s goals, Chrollo never gave much thought about having children (then again, he never gave much thought about getting in a relationship and, well, see where this got you).

 Just like he was not moved by pleas or arguments, he won’t listen should you try to convince him to let you go or at least give the child to adoption (better than to be raised by an insane criminal like Chrollo, not that you would tell him that). In fact, Chrollo will be strangely excited about becoming a father. In his mind, this sort of approaches you two more (even if you’re still clear about your rejections). He would hold you close, whisper how much he loves you, that you’re going to be parents… All while ignoring that you never wanted this in the first place. Beneath this veneer of normality, there will always be that frightening tone of someone who is beyond obsessed.

 About that, it should be noted that Chrollo won’t be above using this in his attempts to manipulate you into thinking you’re better off with him and that you would be better off accepting your new life. Your protests would likely be met with a creepy smile as he points out it’s not as if you have any choice in the matter.

 Would he want to put a façade of you two being happily together for the sake of the child? Maybe (at least during their first years)… Chrollo knows you don’t love him and that he is causing you pain, but while he takes no pleasure out of it, he also doesn’t regret it enough to let you go. Does he know what he is doing is wrong? Likely, but he also knows killing people is “wrong” and does it look like he cares? So chances are, he will keep acting as he always does. He won’t bother to tell the child that he is keeping you with him by force, as it’s not something that crosses his mind.

 Once you tell them (or they realize it on their own), Chrollo will have no apologies to offer, nor will he lie or try to manipulate them. Yes, he can pretend to be all innocent and friendly with his prey but it is not the same with his own family. If the child tries to ask him about it, Chrollo will be honest, while feeding them the same arguments you’d expect from a Yandere: He loves mommy a lot, but mommy needs time to accept his love. He always makes sure mommy is happy, so it’s fine. He wouldn’t consciously manipulate his own child into helping him convince you to give in, but it may end up happening anyway.

 Sometimes, “bad” parents try to keep their children away from their world (drug dealers want their children to never touch drugs, so on). It’s not the case with Chrollo. While the Spider will always be a priority, Chrollo would certainly hope his child would grow up to become the “next head” of the group (hell, some of the Troupe’s members might be in favor of that for all we know). Even if they start to reject his teachings, Chrollo would try to get them to see things his way, but it wouldn’t be quite in the way of a father trying to convince his child to become a doctor like him. It’s not that Chrollo would hurt them, but the child might have glimpses of Chrollo’s true nature anyway.

 Once you two escape, Chrollo would do everything in his power to get you back. It doesn’t matter how. He would be worried, yes (imagine what would happen if the Mafia caught you two?), but he would also be angry, revealing the depths of his obsession with you once he has you back. Will he be relieved that you two are “safe”? Yes. But that doesn’t mean he won’t keep you two chained for a while if that’s what it takes.

 Chrollo loves his children, he does, but in the messed up state of Yandere Mode, he would not accept that they don’t want to have anything to do with the Spiders (let alone that they want nothing to do with him). He would not hesitate to keep them prisoners, like he does with you (though this is not the term he would use), trying to convince them to give in and join the Spider (again, what choice do they have?).

[life-rewritten]

Fish Upon the Sky Episode 1-7 (The Problems with Walls; An analysis on Duen and Pi)

I swear, if I could just settle down, stop running away and actually analyse FUTS the way I usually do. I would have so many essays by now on how authentic and deep this show can get with some of its characterisations. As I  write this FUTS essay that has constantly been plaguing me and making me frustrated that no one else is seeing these themes, I realise again sadly how this director has sadly failed to show the vision of what he wanted for the series.  An essay on how DuenMeen and MorkPi mirror each other so much with their themes, it sounds crazy to think that they do because their storylines on the surface seem different at times. Still, also their love interests act differently towards them, and they have different dynamics with them. But that's what's so great about meta and mirroring in TV, especially in shows that aren't meant to be seen as deep or purposely filled with hints and clues to break down. Fish upon the Sky is one of those shows. It struggles to find a balance between wanting to be more profound and showing exciting themes vs pleasing and appealing to the audience, using humour and other exaggerated performances/narratives to do so. However, the writer of Fish upon the sky novel has always had her works struggle with these issues and themes. Jittirain always writes emotional stories about unrequited love, with different lessons, ideas, or characterisations that people fail to understand or truly value because the meta/depth of their personalities is hidden or misunderstood by their own directors. This is what happened in  2gether; this is what also happened in Theory of Love.

A Misunderstood Duo

In order to really understand how grand the narrative the show is failing to truly flesh out is, you need to understand that Pi and Duen (the two main characters of the show) are the narrators of both their own stories. Pi's is Fish upon the sky whilst Duen is Leech upon the sky (😂😂) but what's great is that you can already see the mirroring/similarities just by their titles. Even though their insecurities and worries seem different, it's the same theme for them;  both struggle with love because they secretly have a lot of self-deprecation and hesitancy from how people have treated them. It's not as noticeable when you see Duen's characterisation/storyline, but if you truly focus on the themes of his narrative without being distracted by the loud comedic routine he has, you'd see that his biggest insecurity, that he tries to be defensive and act like he doesn't care about is his dumbness. He genuinely feels weaker/inferior because he's known as being dumb to everyone around him. He struggles to process anything that is complex and requires more depth or thought.  It's played for laughs because he relishes in the idea that people feel exasperated by his actions. He acts like he doesn't get bothered by how people perceive him because he's still seen as socially acceptable, unlike Pi, who's actually bullied and alienated from society because of his own 'flaws'.

But you can see that it's all a façade when it comes to Duen, just like with how Pi handles his own insecurities and trauma to do with his perceived flaws. It's why Duen chooses to lie to Meen that he's a dentist. He didn't want him to see him the same way others do. This already should show that he doesn't actually enjoy being seen as dumb, but he has walls up to make it seem like he doesn't care. He knows he's constantly being compared to others, but he can't change who he is (just like Pi didn't also want to change how he looked or acted to please people at first). So he jokes and tries to see a positive in being that way; he starts to want to slack off and cheat off others when it comes to work. He stops taking University seriously and repeats classes constantly because he always fails. That is until Meen shows up, and then he starts to want Meen to believe he's something more. Why?

But in case I haven't repeated it enough, Duen is like Pi, whose insecurity is easier to see since we watched him get attacked and bullied for it immediately in the first episode. It's Pi's true thoughts and opinions we see in the show as the audience, whilst Duen's story is hidden with comic relief and unseriousness. They both try to act like they're okay with what they are being judged by in society. Thus, they act confident, they're both loud, they're selfish, acting like they don't care how people see them. Preventing others from getting to hurt them by making it look like they are in control of what they have and use that to their own advantage with others.

They both stay heavily in denial about their true feelings in general, but primarily with the critical focus; the people who make them question everything about their flaws that come into their life and frighten them the most. The ones that break down those facades; make them automatically want to run away whilst being unable to stop showing and escaping their true feelings whenever they're in their presence.

The Use of Humour and Sarcasm 

So what we end up with is a narrative with two incredibly annoying and flawed characters who are seen in the audience as exaggerated caricatures for comic relief and shallow storytelling. And it's brilliant because both their unlikable/loud, selfish personalities are just fake walls built, so they don't crumble and get affected by how society views them or wants them to act. So you see, there's the issue that people keep misunderstanding about these two stories, especially about these two brothers. They're realistic; they're flawed because they've been affected by society and the environment around them. They're acting like how anyone who's been hurt before would act, they have built up walls, and they've decided to just stay by themselves and let that guide them in everything. They deal with their issues with sarcasm and humour to reduce the seriousness of the situation, so they don't appear weak or let anything hurt them.  

That's why I love this narrative of FUTS, it's meta and more profound than people think, but because the director doesn't do the best to show it, it can get lost in all the exaggerated humour. For example, with Pi, because he's socially anxious and always overthinks how people think of him (due to his past experiences of being abused and hurt by being ignorant of how people thought of him), his world is wildly exaggerated in his head. The way he narrates the story is played for laughs and is a very telling and realistic representation of how overthinking is expressed in his mind; it's overdone, loud and nonsensical at times. That's what social anxiety does; it makes you cry about one stare, one laugh, one action someone does, it makes you panic over the most minor things, and Pi does that with panic and boisterous, sarcastic humour from the start of the show.

Hence his story also has exaggerated humour because he deals with his issues with that fake jokes and sarcasm. So the show also exaggerated humour too when we are in his perspective.  This is actually similar to Duen's breaking the 4th wall narrative style of his storyline. As with Duen, whose narrator of his story mocks and laughs at his actions ironically. When really that is just literally himself fighting with his inner voice about his true feelings about Meen. He breaks the 4th wall because he's internalising his own emotions and dealing with them as a skit; the narrator is his true self ridiculing him for not accepting that he has feelings for Meen and that he's not as bright/cool as he thinks he is. So if we understand this and notice that the narrator makes fun of him constantly and jokes about his actions, you'll realise that Duen sees himself that way too; he sees himself as a joke. He doesn't see himself as suave and carefree; he actually mocks himself internally for being dumb and being gross.

Pi: The Need for Protection and Avoidance 

So already, just from breaking it down with this point of view, Duen and Pi mirror each other so well, and their narratives because of this focus on the same themes and ideas of self-discovery. Both are flawed characters with a lot of vulnerabilities and pain that they refuse to deal with properly. An id ego defence mechanism catalysed because of their past experiences and protection of their mental space. They both stay in denial, hurting who they love by refusing to let them get to see them without the walls down and more. Pi hates that he loses control with Mork and refuses to let Mork have his heart because he believes Mork is too good for someone like him secretly.  He knows he'll be the one damaged. Hence the choice to intentionally misinterpret his brother's metaphor on the vaccine analogy and view it as the complication with getting with Mork. Let me try and use this to break down his mindset with why he chose to still choose Nan even though he knows (he does know) that he wants to be with Mork romantically. Listen to the analogy his brother uses. He mentions the iatrogenic vaccine, a vaccine intended for a patient that starts helping the patient be well but actually causes more harm than good. The end result is because of the incompatibility of the vaccine and the time it takes for those results to show up in the patient and make their lives affected in a negative conclusion.

 A vaccine ironically is meant to be an antidote, something that saves people, that helps and makes them feel better. And that's what Mork says he wants to be for Pi, it's romantic, but once his brother announces a different version of a vaccine, Pi jumps with that analogy and believes that's the truth about Mork and him that makes sense to him, than seeing it positively. So with this analogy, we can break it down this way:

The Iatrogenic vaccine was too different and incompatible with the patient. Which is what Pi believes about Mork. Remember, Pi doesn't think  (because of what people have told him) that he deserves loyalty and love from people better looking/capable than him. He sees Mork in this light from the start; he views Mork as a rival because Mork is good looking, popular, strong and cool, basically things that are not associated with Pi to others.  So Mork and him are incompatible in Pi's mind.  This is why Pi constantly asks Mork why he wants to be close to him. He just doesn't understand it.  

Second, the Iatrogenic vaccine starts off good but causes damages in an irreparable way to the patient. It's the patient that ends up being affected by this vaccine interaction, not the vaccine that caused it. Before Wan starts this vaccine conversation, he discusses how people around his hospital are patients primarily because of heartbreak; they come in with damaged mindsets, broken hearts and self-harming injuries because of being hurt by love and letting themselves be vulnerable to that. All Pi hears is people hurt themselves over the pain of heartbreak and being abandoned. That's the complication if he does finally trust Mork. Especially after Mork and him get to be close, it'd be just like with everyone who has gotten to know him in the past, who stayed by his side as 'friends', once they learnt about him, what they said is that he wasn't worth being loyal to. So many people used and deserted him, and it almost broke him. This is why Pi grow the walls he has now. Even though Pi is chasing after Nan, he's not expecting an answer from Nan that's positive; Nan is a fantasy, something he can use as a goal to want to keep chasing and distracting himself from that singleness and loneliness he felt at the start of the show. This is why he's doing all of this; he just wants a distraction from the mess of his life. But to Pi, Mork? Mork is real. He's serious; he's someone who Pi actually truly will be damaged by if he's hurt and left by him; he's someone who Pi truly loves and is real to Pi, it's terrifying, and so he rather just avoid that because of the risk of a complication. To be that patient tricked by the vaccine and left to deal with those consequences all alone? Yeh, no, he can't do that.  Pi sees him as a friend and doesn’t want to end that because that's the first thing in a while that has made him feel actually happy being himself and accepted. Being friends with Mork makes him feel safe. So again, it's selfish, but it’s all about him preserving what he already has with Mork rather than damaging it.

Those complications are exactly that result if he lets Mork in romantically and Mork sees his true self and leaves like everyone; it’s not Mork who’d be hurt. It’s Pi who’d have nothing more to believe in if he lets himself be that vulnerable. Again Pi is thinking with his head when it comes to Mork; there’s a massive risk if someone takes the wrong vaccine, that person is damaged because of it. Pis journey with Mork is the same thought process that friends to lovers have. The fear of losing each other if they cross that line, of taking things too far and ruining the foundation they had that made them safe. The fear of the love being false as it always has been from others.  Pi thinks he likes Mork because how can he not? However, Mork is always there, making it hard for him to think. He associates Mork with niceness and protectiveness, but that doesn’t mean he has to accept him romantically, and Mork sees right through him and is fond of breaking down those walls he put so high up to ensure he doesn't get hurt again. Mork is the one pushing Pi further away from him the more he clings because Pi doesn’t like losing control. Same as Duen. And Mork doesn’t let him just figure it out without manipulating everything; the more he does that, the more Pi feels manipulated and tricked into wanting Mork as a partner, and that's too scary for Pi. This is why it’ll be massive when he finds out who Mork truly is on his phone as the guy from nearby faculty.

Duen: The Need for Nonchalance and Ignorance

Duen is the inversion with his storyline; he tries to look cool and better to Meen,  refusing Meen to see him when he's worried, anxious or insecure because he himself shuts off those emotions whenever Meen triggers them. He doesn't want to face the truth, that he hates being seen as dumb and not being seen as a hero to Meen. He lies to Meen because he's trying to keep him by his side without actually letting him see his true self. After all, if he does, he also may judge or leave him too (guess what same as Pi's worries with Mork. Mirroring!).  Duen tries to act unaffected just like Pi does with Mork because again, they both know once they break down and give in, there's no turning back, they will be exposed, and the' truth' about them (which they believe and see about themselves) will push the people they truly want by their sides away.

So instead, they grapple for control by faking lack of care and feelings for their partner; they refuse to apologise quickly and refuse to give in easily to them to further their relationships, increase their trust and let them in. They refuse to let go of their fake personas and fake masks and walls they've built and try hard to hold onto the facade, which hurts Meen and Mork in the end. They both push and pull and show signs of vulnerability and romance only when they're alone with no one else around (like the tent scene with MeenDuen and the after school night scene with MorkPi outside). They show worry, devotion, and they show that they want them by their side. And these are the moments when we actually get to truly see who they are without their walls, their fake personas unshed, and their niceness, their care and protectiveness over them exposed.

Wan: The Comparison and Norm

When we're first introduced to the show, Wan is mentioned almost immediately as we see Pi's struggles. Because of Wan's reputation, people choose to crowd around Pi, and it's sad, but I also think Duen also had this same issue, just a bit different. With Pi, it's about his outer appearance, his beauty standards vs society's. It's exposed to him he lacks those, but it's his intelligence similar to Wan that makes people stay by his side at first.  He also studies dentistry as Wan studied Medicine, viewed by societal standards as impressive and praiseworthy. Pi is used by people who want to both get to Wan and want to profit from his brain and abilities. Duen is the inverted version of this; he is seen as handsome and cool and aloof, a bit messy, but the reason why Meen first leaches onto him is his street smarts and survival skills with social interactions, he knows the right people, he is seen as cool by others including Pi, but he's also seen as dumb. He's failed repeatedly, unlike his brothers at trying to obtain a degree.  So he has the outer appearance but lacks the next valuable thing in society's opinion; brains and the ability to increase your status by your talents and skills. Duen lacks that; he doesn't have any specific things about himself that he can fully be proud of. He's not highly talented, he's not intelligent, and he's also not viewed by women as extremely attractive or awe-worthy. He nonchalantly takes on this persona; he chooses to block any worries about things being serious because he lacks the smarts to think of things deeply or ponder about life's questions.

He's insecure, however, about this, and you see it when he tries to join in with Wan and Pi when they discuss vaccines and love. As Pi transforms for Nan, his lie is that he's well of without other people in his life like Mork; he pretends he's okay being seen as loud, not friendly, selfish etc.  Duen's own lie to Meen is that he is a version of Wan, of what people think Wan is; intelligent, put together and reliable. Because what Duen wants from Meen all the time (he doesn't realise he already has this devotion from Meen for just being himself when he's not trying) is for Meen to want to rely on him since that's precisely what Meen keeps telling him he likes about him, or wants to learn from him; street smarts etc. Duen likes being seen as a protector, a hero, a helper etc., to Meen. And that's why he stays adamant with his lie and refuses to let Meen truly see him below the surface.

Like Pi, he also doesn't want to admit what he knows and has fought to accept, which is, he loves Meen and wants him by his side. It's the fear of losing what he has with Meen that makes him do what he does, which is the same reason Pi also keeps rejecting Mork; it's the fear of losing him. And that's the ironic thing about Pi and Duen, they're ironically trying to preserve what they love, but because of scars, insecurities and walls, they're hurting the ones they love by just refusing to be their authentic selves. It's ironic because they think being themselves is the worst option. Yet, on the surface, they act like they're fine with who they are, they're loud about being carefree of what others think of them, they're okay if these two leave them, but in reality, their worst fears are admitting that they agree with what people see in them as flaws, that they also hate themselves for that. That's heartbreaking because they fought so hard to keep loving themselves, to keep believing in their worth, but society made them genuinely think that they're wrong. And it's painful but realistic.

Again they're all similar and mirror each other. I just want people to understand that FUTS is a deep show; I know the director doesn't do the best job with what he's been trying to show, but it is deep; there is thought at times put to it in the profound moments. In the moments where both Pi and Duen aren't being fake and are their true selves, you'll notice that the jokes and humour slowly reduce whenever they are true; the narrator also reduces for Duen because he doesn't struggle as much with his feelings for Meen like he did at the first time. All the stuff that happens in the show is on purpose, even if done messily and poorly. People love to hate on the show. It has a lot of flaws, I know, but it's not the worst thing; it has deep characters that are incredibly flawed and hurt (even Mork, who we still hope will get to understand his story) it has people that act one way on the surface but hold deep scars and pains below whilst wearing a mask. The characters are unlikable because they are realistic to how people with self-sabotaging habits and deprecation act. That's why I like this show. And I'm sad I wasn't writing out more all about the meta and moments I've enjoyed so far. Anyway, I'm grateful this show has been shown this year; it definitely made me ponder my own ideas about how I view myself and if I have walls up around the people I love. I think many people do relate to Pi or Duen somehow, and it's unfortunate that the director doesn't help us feel the same way about the narrative when it's actually a great BL story to unravel and watch.

[peaceoutofthepieces]

Here’s what I have done of that other fic I started. I want to make it a much longer one-shot, and I will if anyone likes it. It’s based on this post that has stuck with me for ages, but I only really started thinking about recently.

~^~

Lucas didn’t know what to expect.

Realistically, he didn’t think his parents were suited to this type of responsibility. His dad made the indisputable point that they could do with the extra money. Lucas didn’t bother telling him that might not work out if the student left them within a week. They could barely take care of their own child, and yet they thought it was a perfect idea to bring another into the house.

Well, not exactly a child. He couldn’t decide if that fact was better or worse. Lucas got along fine with people; he had a good group of friends, and most of their classmates liked him. He could mesh with people he had just met at parties or the skatepark or even school. Acquaintances were easy to make. People his age didn’t really scare him.

Maybe he didn’t have the best confidence around pretty boys. But none of them scared him as much as Kes, and Kes was his best friend, so he thought he was probably doing pretty well in that case, too.

He wasn’t sure how living with someone else his age (and a stranger at that) would be. His confidence and his comfort levels were feeling low. Someone from another country, someone that he’d have to live with and go to school with and exist with on a very regular basis—that was a little frightening. That had Lucas feeling unprecedented levels of stress in the week before the exchange student arrived.

It didn’t help that they ended up being the most beautiful boy Lucas had ever seen.

~^~

Lucas could admit on sight that Jens Stoffels was one of those pretty boys that left him tongue-tied and sweaty-palmed any time he was forced to interact. Which, considering their situation, happened to be quite often. On the other hand, he didn’t want to admit that Jens Stoffels scared him more than Kes. (But Lucas was starting to think he most certainly did.)

He had been standing in the hallway, lingering awkwardly, when his father had opened the door for the first time. He caught sight of the tall boy with the dark hair and sharp jaw and instantly felt his breath catch. He watched the boy stumble through a greeting, a clunky mister-and-surname hello that was met with a too enthusiastic response of, “Please, call me Hugo. You must be Jens.”

Lucas didn’t have the strength to tease his father that of course, this was Jens, they’d been expecting him for the past month. He was too busy staring to do much of anything else. He had no right, in the moment, to tease anyone.

Then Jens’s eyes met his, and Lucas watched him falter.

Then Jens smiled, and Lucas was gone.

Hugo took it as a reminder to beckon his son forward and urge him to take Jens’s bags. They both ignored Jens’s protests, which trailed off rather abruptly when Lucas’s fingertips traced the back of his hands when grabbing the handles.

Lucas didn’t think he imagined the way Jens’s breath hitched as he glanced up at the boy, but he didn’t know what to do with it. The moment went ignored.

“Hey,” Jens greeted, low and hesitant, and Lucas realised he was scowling.

It was easy to soften his expression in the face of Jens’s nerves, but it was harder than he expected to smile. The horde of butterflies in his stomach and buzz of static in his head left him able to do little more than nervously lick his lips and nod. “Hey.”

“This is Lucas,” his father introduced him, as oblivious to his son’s state as ever. “He’ll show you to his room. We have your bed already set up, and he cleared some space. I hope you really don’t mind sharing.”

Jens offered Lucas another smile, wider than the first. “No, I really don’t mind.”

~^~

Jens took in the bunk beds with a mixture of confusion and amusement. He glanced over at Lucas. “I thought you were an only child?”

“I am.” Lucas gestured vaguely. “It’s for—we changed it.”

“You went out and bought bunk beds?”

Lucas couldn’t help but smile slightly, now. “Well, I didn’t, no.”

Jens’s cheeks reddened, and he shifted the bag he still held onto to his other hand. “You know what I mean. Your parents.”

Lucas shrugged. “Another separate bed wouldn’t have fit. It doesn’t—you don’t mind, do you? I’ve been sleeping on the bottom, but we changed the sheets so you can take whichever—“

“Cool,” Jens cut him off, tossing his bag onto the top bunk and then hoisting himself up onto it. He barely avoided knocking his head into the ceiling. He raised his brows at Lucas. “Cosy.”

“Seriously, you can take the bottom.”

“I certainly can.” Jens nodded his agreement, and the glimmer in his eyes made Lucas shuffle on his feet. “But if it’s where you’d rather be, I won’t argue.”

Lucas stared at him for a moment, then realised he was doing it and quickly dragged his gaze away as Jens became more amused. He cleared his throat. “Okay,” he said loudly, ignoring Jens’s grin. “Cool. I can, uhm, show you the rest of the house, if you want.”

Jens nodded and lithely took two steps down the ladder to the floor. “Cool,” he repeated.

~^~

Dinner was a less awkward affair than Lucas expected. His mother was doing well and seemingly intent on proving it, brushing off Lucas’s offers of help and glaring at his looks and questions. He could tell Jens adored her instantly, and seemed more comfortable referring to her as Tess than he was using Hugo. Lucas had to admit, though, that his father was also on his best behavior, and Lucas himself was probably the most awkward person at the table.

It was just that, Jens was right beside him, the chairs tucked so close together at the small table that Lucas could feel his radiating warmth. He held himself stiffly in place so as not to lean towards it, and felt silly and uncomfortable in doing so.

“Are you nervous about starting on Monday, Jens?” Hugo asked, cutting through his food with half of his attention.

Tess huffed. “Of course he is. But that’s normal. And he’ll have Lucas looking after him.”

Jens didn’t seem to mind being spoken for. He glanced over at Lucas again instead, and Lucas diverted his gaze, cheeks flushing. He wasn’t, however, overly embarrassed. Jens had snuck just as many sideways looks at him.

“Actually,” Lucas said, then had to clear his throat. “You skate, right? I saw you brought a board.”

Jens nodded. “A little.”

“I was thinking we could go to the park tomorrow. You can meet Kes and Jayden.”

Hugo snorted, and Lucas shot him an unimpressed look. “What?” he demanded.

“No, nothing, nothing,” Hugo said, hasty. “It’s just a funny choice, if your goal is not overwhelming him on his first day here.”

Lucas rolled his eyes. “He’ll be fine.” Then, to Jens, “Really, they’re cool. Just a little excitable. You’ll be fine.”

Jens nodded again and smiled, small and secretive. “Sure. You’ll be looking after me, right?”

Lucas smiled down at his plate.

~^~

Lucas still hadn’t fully realised how awkward it would be until they were expected to go to bed. It became fairly obvious when he was standing lost in his own bedroom and Jens started stripping in front of him.

He made a noise in his throat, high and startled, and quickly looked away from sturdy shoulders and lithe legs. He curled his hands into fists and crossed his arms over his stomach, breathing carefully. After a second, he realised standing there like this was probably worse, and forced himself to move to his wardrobe, digging through the drawers for something to sleep in. When he turned around with a worn t-shirt and sweats, Jens was wearing a t-shirt and shorts and staring at him.

“Sorry,” Jens said, curious. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Lucas shook his head. “No,” he tried, then cleared his throat. “I just wasn’t…” He shook his head. “Why would I be uncomfortable?”

Jens eyed him for a moment, then shrugged. “Some people prefer their privacy. There’s nothing wrong with that.” He scratched at his arm, then added, “I hope you don’t feel put out. It’s probably weird opening your space like this.”

“It’s weird for you, too, isn’t it? You just got here,” Lucas shrugged again. He was being a terrible host. He was being terribly obvious.

“I mean, yeah. The whole thing is stressing me out more than I expected,” Jens admitted, laughing slightly. Lucas was terrible. “But I guess—I don’t really do awkward? I know we’re supposed to be a good match. So I guess I came with the idea already in my head that we’d be friends.”

Lucas stared at him.

Jens shifted awkwardly and gave a dry, lopsided smile. “But I guess it’s not the same on your side.”

“No,” Lucas blurted. Then, realising how that sounded, rushed to explain himself. “No, I—I hoped we’d be friends, too. We will be. I mean, I still want to be. Friends. You’re cool. It’s just that we only met, and it’s like, right into the deep end. But there’s nothing to say we won’t be friends.”

He was rambling. Of course. Jens didn’t do awkward, and Lucas was being the most awkward person on the planet. That wasn’t the way this was supposed to go.

How was this supposed to go again?

He’d never had a plan to start with, but considering all thoughts fled his mind at the first sight of Jens, he doubted it would have been much help. He was a mess.

And they’d just met.

Despite everything, Jens seemed pleasantly amused by his disastrous attempts at connecting. There was a lovely curl to his lips and an adorable tip of his head as he returned, “Okay. Good.”

He sounded so genuinely relieved, so contented at the thought of Lucas agreeing on his hopes of friendship, that Lucas couldn’t help but smile back.

Then Jens added, “Better to keep my pants on, though? At least until there’s a little more familiarity in place.”

Lucas wanted to die. He was going to die. Why was he so embarrassing? So clueless and so obvious at the same time? This was only the first day.

Jens could be here for the entire year.

“It’s sexist to assume shoulders are only sexual when they’re women’s,” Lucas said, trying to keep Jens’s jokingly serious tone, and quickly realising the response sounded better in his head. And that it probably didn’t seem all that joking, if his cheeks were as red as they felt.

But Jens laughed, and his eyes sparkled, and Lucas was truly and seriously fucked. Jens wiggled his eyebrows, said, “Can’t argue with that,” and pointedly squeezed Lucas’s shoulder on the way past, and oh no, Lucas was truly and seriously gay, wasn’t he?

Lucas mustered a tiny laugh in return, looking over his shoulder to watch Jens go. His sight caught on the still exposed calves, the dimples in the back of his knees, the ends of strong thighs, the curve of—

He whipped his gaze away and took another careful breath, and Jens simply continued down the hall to the bathroom, oblivious. Lucas stripped off his hoodie, recognising that this was the safest time to change, and told himself to get a grip.

Friends, he thought, with another breath.

Cool.

[sagamemes]

the sheridan tapes  📼  part one.   here and under the cut, you can find a little under 120 lines of dialogue from the horror podcast the sheridan tapes, specifically from episodes one to three, edited for roleplay purposes.  tw: police, murder, supernatural elements, mentions of apocalyptic scenarios, near death experiences, injuries, vehicular crash, recreational drug and alcohol use.

❝  jesus, [name]. you’re not making this easy, are you?  ❞

❝  makes you wonder... do these things follow me because i chase them, or were they always following me?  ❞

❝  darkness and complete disorientation does a number on the human brain.  ❞

❝  i don't think he was a werewolf.  ❞

❝  i’d call it the customer service smile. you know, the one that says  ‘ thank you for shopping with us, please die now ’.  ❞

❝  i’ve found the more showy the text, the less impressive the actual phenomena.  ❞

❝  my job here is kind of… shaky at the moment.  ❞

❝  [name] was also engaged in the study of the impossible in his free time.  ❞

❝  so it’s just me who drives you up the wall then?  ❞

❝  well, you’ll be happy to hear i haven’t been having any fun. no weed, no ghosts.  ❞

❝  there hasn’t been a new lead on her case in more than half a year.  ❞

❝  so here i am, wrapped up in a blanket, staring at my little fireplace, so bored i actually decided to call my sister for once.  ❞

❝  it’s a little town near bandon. very little. nice little mini-market, and that’s about it.  ❞

❝  i doubt i’ll sleep much tonight. that’s okay. i just feel like looking at the stars for a while.  ❞

❝  it's probably for the best. i am simultaneously exhausted from the drive and absolutely wired from the coffee.  ❞

❝  i wonder if there will still be ghosts out there when that happens?  when the earth is gone?  ❞

❝  glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself, then.  ❞

❝  knowing doesn’t make things any easier, but it does make them a little less frightening.  ❞

❝  that’s all just a lazy way of saying that the real explanation is too difficult—or too horrible—for them to accept.  ❞

❝  it almost killed me, but in the end it settled for putting me in pt for a year while i figured out how to use my hands again.  ❞

❝  he muttered something about my time being up. or maybe he said it wasn’t up.  ❞

❝  i don’t really care that i didn’t get any writing done today.  ❞

❝  nothing. not a single idea worth writing down, no itch i needed to scratch or question i needed to answer.  ❞

❝  guess there really is no such thing as bad press.  ❞

❝  i have no idea what a writer’s  ‘ process ’  usually looks like, but i’m pretty sure it’s not this.  ❞

❝  see what i have to deal with?  god… siblings, am i right?  ❞

❝  what can i say?  i have a soft spot for gothic architecture.  ❞

❝  computers have never been very good at reconciling paradoxes.  ❞

❝  they’re pretty much over funding my little expeditions.  ❞

❝  that kind of smile doesn’t normally show that many teeth.  ❞

❝  you know, that’s only scary the first few times you do it.  ❞

❝  one day, it will be dead. one day all the stars will burn out, go dark and silent. one day, everything will be so dark and so cold that no new stars can ever be born. the old ones will blink out one by one, like candles going out, and then… nothing. silence. darkness. void.  ❞

❝  the simplest explanation is almost always the right one.  ❞

❝  i don’t remember getting in my van, putting the key in the ignition, or speeding away from that house, but i must have.  ❞

❝  no, no, i’m fine, i’m fine, just go bother someone else.  ❞

❝  i haven’t eaten, moved, or written anything all day.  ❞

❝  but maybe that's just the fact that it is two in the morning and my brain is running mostly on caffeine.  ❞

❝  given how good a [job] he is, i know it’s not the first time he’s done it.  ❞

❝  i escaped, but i knew that whatever was in that house has just marked me as prey.  ❞

❝  calm down. think. you’re just going to confuse yourself.  ❞

❝  just wanted to tell you a couple of us are headed out to marvin’s for drinks if you want to come.  ❞

❝  one of the most disappointing things about living in america is the lack of genuinely haunted houses. out of all the supposed haunts i’ve visited, maybe one in ten seems like the real deal.  ❞

❝  sounds… peaceful. not many distractions, then?  ❞

❝  something tells me this tape wasn’t played in court.  ❞

❝  one of the neighbours must have called 911.  ❞

❝  my infamous accident. it almost killed me.  ❞

❝  i just woke up to footsteps in the kitchen. i don’t know who, or what, but there’s someone in here with me!  ❞

❝  could you shut the door on your way out, please?  ❞

❝  uh, wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon.  ❞

❝  the fire that i said went out?  yeah, it just started burning again.  ❞

❝  so i asked him to lie.  ❞

❝  it'd really be just a few of us. maybe me and [name] and one or two other tagalongs…  ❞

❝  apparently, the press had a lot of questions too.  ❞

❝  i’ve driven more than 8 hours and drunk enough bad coffee to give an elephant heart palpitations. i’m sure as hell going to get my money’s worth.  ❞

❝  oh sorry, am i bothering you now? what happened to  ‘ call anytime you want, [name] ’ or,  ‘ you’re always welcome here, [name] ’ ?  ❞

❝  i’ve forgotten to charge my phone. again.  ❞

❝  i… think i’m going to turn around now.  ❞

❝  well sorry if i wanted to have a nice talk with my sister for a change.  ❞

❝  will it just be left there forever? our legacy? look upon our works, ye mighty, and despair?  ❞

❝  no matter how far away from home you are, no matter how different the constellations might look from where you’re standing, you can always look up on a clear, dark night and feel like you’re about to fall right into it—the terrifying, endless expanse of nothingness.  ❞

❝  i know authors can do some crazy things to get out of writer’s block, but i’ve never heard of one resorting to arson.  ❞

❝  why do you always think there’s something wrong?  ❞

❝  ours is not to question why, ours is but to digitize and stay the hell out of trouble.  ❞

❝  so let’s try walking backwards. just keep an eye on it.  ❞

❝  i got lucky. or maybe i was just fast enough to escape.  ❞

❝  maybe there are secret passages behind the walls and corridors.  ❞

❝  no matter how far i walked, i couldn’t find the way i came in.  ❞

❝  well, i /know/ i’ve had worst nights. i just can’t think of any right now.  ❞

❝  i do want you to have fun, [name], i just don’t want you to get yourself killed doing it.  ❞

❝  i mean, obviously, i do care, that’s the whole reason i made this trip. to get away from the noise and focus.  ❞

❝  i might have… forgotten to tell anyone where i was going.  ❞

❝  before i get started, there’s just one thing i need to say. i have absolutely no patience for the unexplained, or the things people call  ‘ unexplainable ’,  ‘ supernatural ’, or  ‘ paranormal ’.  ❞

❝  i told [name] that i needed to get out, to get inspired.  ❞

❝  okay, if someone is messing with me, they’re going to be very sorry, very quickly.  ❞

❝  [name] lied his ass off to save yours.  ❞

❝  a crash like that does funny things to your head.  ❞

❝  i still don’t know how he got there without me noticing.  ❞

❝  any plans i had to travel abroad went up in smoke.  ❞

❝  i thought of pulling out the bad cop routine.  ❞

❝  strange how something so dead can be so beautiful.  ❞

❝  it hated me:  hated what i do, and more than that, hated who i am.  ❞

❝  lots of tall tales. and more than a few ghost stories.  ❞

❝  oh good, you’re still here!  ❞

❝  reviewers absolutely grilled it:  said it was a nonsensical rip off of the dark tower, whatever that means.  ❞

❝  i jumped out the window. cut my hands on the glass, but thankfully not bad enough to need stitches  ❞

❝  i told her, tonight.  ❞

❝  for a minute, i wondered if that would really be so bad. it was a fitting way to go, given my… well, everything.  ❞

❝  i suppose that’s a universal constant—maybe the only one.  ❞

❝  i never let myself get this turned around. especially not at night.  ❞

❝  i don’t know if it’s actually haunted. but if not, then it was sure as hell convincing.  ❞

❝  i’m not one of those people who thinks she’s the spawn of satan or something ridiculous like that.  ❞

❝  unless i’m prepared to accept that she was murdered by something that crawled out of a funhouse mirror, this isn’t much help with the case, either.  ❞

❝  i have to try and work some actual cases the rest of the time. you know, cases that might have some answers i can find.  ❞

❝  it's cold, damp, and dark as night. i'm in my element, at least.  ❞

❝  your place is waiting for you.  ❞

❝  yeah, i’m all good. great… hanging in there, you know?  one day at a time.  ❞

❝  oh, i see you. you think i’m still scared of [thing], huh?  think you can freak me out?  ❞

❝  trust me, i’ve had a hell of a day, and you do not want to mess with a pissed off…  ❞

❝  and tell my sister i'm sorry.  ❞

❝  oh god, it's cold.  ❞

❝  the night sky really is beautiful out here.  ❞

❝  tell him he shouldn’t have been such a good liar.  ❞

❝  i’ve been listening to this for the last two weeks now.  ❞

❝  it’s not even that i’m having bad ideas. i’m not having any at all.  ❞

❝  can’t get away from the work, no matter what i do.  ❞

❝  i made sure i switched off my phone before i came up here, just in case.  ❞

❝  god, these things smell of weed.  ❞

❝  yeah, well… just wanted to make sure you’re okay, you know?  ❞

❝  [name] is dead. that's all there is to it.  ❞

❝  no, i need to get out of here. it’s been a long day.  ❞

❝  a lot of the art i found was just paintings of a night sky full of stars.  ❞

❝  my job is to look the facts dead in the face and find an explanation. one that will hold up in a court of law.  ❞

❝  personal and career choices, i guess you’d call them.  ❞

❝  damn. i could’ve sworn i felt something strange about this place when i hiked through this morning… or maybe it was a different part. hard to tell this late at night, anyway.  ❞

❝  well, let’s just say a middle-aged man-child running out panicked and tearing at his eyes would hardly be a marketable image.  ❞

❝  i didn’t mind that i’d be alone—i always expected that to be how i went.  ❞

❝  i’m sure that’s on my personnel file by now, as if it could get any more problematic.  ❞

[asexualdrago]

Hugging the wall behind him and silently cried. He waited for the sudden pain she was going to inflict or hear her tease him yet again to scare him even further. But nothing came. He felt as if someone was looking at him but why weren't they doing anything to him? Were they waiting for him to look then snag him?

"Are you hurt?" The voice was deep. Particularly male. Was it another security guard or someone working the night shift? Or was it the bunny's accomplice or something?! He didn't want to look yet his curiosity got the best of him and he slowly turned his head to see the speaker.

All he saw was a tan looking metallic chest. "W-what?" Gregory lifted his head higher and looked into the face of the speaker. Only to see what appeared to be a muzzle. And a pair of bright blue eyes staring right at him. He immediately recognized it. It was one of the animatronics.

It then raised its hand towards the boy. In return Gregory winced and pushed himself further into the wall. Covering his head with his arms. "N-no p-please!" He heard a low hum and a whiz of air as the metal joints creaked of the animatronic shifted. "It's Ok. I won't hurt you." The voice was low, and deep. But strangely gentle.

Yet this didn't encourage Gregory. Only causing him to curl even more. The fabric of his shirt rubbing against his cut cheek causing it to sting. "P-p-please no" the boy cried silently. "Don't g-get me!"

_______________________________________

Glamrock Freddy had no idea what to do at this point. Usually when children are afraid of him, he does a small trick or a little joke to get them smiling. And when they are hurt he tries to be gentle and heal them but is forbidden as the guards usher him away. "Don't want to scare them more Fred." They say.

When forbidden to, he watch the children's guardians tend to them and cheer them. Usually holding them and consoling them. Or in some cases making them laugh. By strange methods usually by jabbing their fingers into their sides.

He doubted the child would like being jabbed at. Maybe when he calms down. His blue eyes scanned the scared little thing. Noting the various injuries on the child's body.

No wonder he's afraid. The intruder hurt him and now he's frightened that I would. Reaching his hand out again. Glamrock Freddy dragged his nails down the boy's back in a gentle, smooth motion. The boy shivered again. But Glamrock Freddy kept it up.

Maybe these gentle touches will let him know he's safe. He recalled his name being Gregory. Maybe he can speak to him to calm him down. "Gregory?" Instead of getting a look of excitement or something like that. It only scared the boy even more. "Oh poor thing." He stopped his stroking motion and reached out to pick the child up. Reaching under his legs and wrapping an arm around his back and picked him up with little to no effort.

Gregory began to struggle and tried to get away only for Glamrock Freddy to cuddle him close to his chest. Leaving the boy no room to struggle. He didn't want to hurt him or scare him even more. "It's Ok, I'm not going to hurt you. You're safe Gregory. Now let's get you patched up." Giving the child a gentle smile.

The boy stopped struggling and remained still. However, he noted the fear in the boy's eyes. Shifted his arms once again, he started to walk out the backstage.

He wondered what the others had found. Surely they be very excited that they found the child. But what about their creator and the intruder? All he knew it was a person in a bunny suit and they were communicating with someone but who?

He just had to get to the workshop and meet up with the others. Although, Gregory was still frightened of him. And he wanted to change that. He was also injured and he needs to heal.

Creator sometimes hurts himself when he works. Maybe he has some kind of remedy kit there when needed. He noticed Gregory remained quiet and still. But looking around when he felt that he wasn't looking. He figured he try again and soothe him. "Gregory, I know you are scared and unsure about what is happening. But I assure you, I won't do anything that will harm you." He says.

Looking down to see him stare in confusion. He noticed the boy had blue eyes just like he did. Noting the unshed tears in his eyes he felt his circuits froze slightly for scaring the poor thing by accident earlier. Reached down and rubbed his teary eyes with his thumb. Being extra careful that his long blue nail doesn't scratch him or whatnot.

The boy whined in slight protest. Noting how small he was he figured he was at least 9 to 11 years old. He was pretty frail too. Not too much pressure Freddy. Don't hurt him by accident.

He then took notice of the large cut. Placing his metallic hand over the injury and grazed his fingers over it to see how bad it was. Causing Gregory to wince. And try to push his hand away but to no avail. "S-s-stop!" The child begged. Tears falling once again. "Apologies Gregory. I want to make sure it's not infected." He then started to stroke the boy's head and hair.

_______________________________________

Gregory had no idea what was going on now. He was in the arms of one of the Glamrock Gang members and it was trying to talk to him like how an adult would interact with a child. It was crazy to say at least.

He wondered if he could get away but he remembered how tall this animatronic was compared to him and his knee was hurting and he was exhausted. He doubted he can run anywhere without being caught again.

Now he was inspecting the cut on his face and apologized for hurting him by accident. They don't act like right? They weren't programed to act like this? Right? He felt a strong, cold hand ruffle his hair and stroke his head.

The gentle touches felt genuine. The animatronic was really gentle with him. Although he felt slightly embarrassed as he was being carried like this.

He wasn't a baby. But he couldn't speak out as he was both stunned and terrified of what would happen if he did. He noticed they were taking a completely different path than the one he took to get to the backstage.

The walls were full of piping and concrete walls. Above them were red lights. He guessed they were the inside the complex's inner working. He didn't get a good look before and the red light make the animatronic a little scary but it's blue eyes made him feel better.

But where was he taking him? "Freddy? Where are ya, you sagging bear ball?" Gregory made a small snicker when he heard it. The animatronic looked down at him and gave him a smile although notably annoyed.

Gregory became shy and then hid his face to avoid looking at the animatronic he was laughing at. He hoped it wouldn't get mad and hurt him. But Glamrock Freddy had another idea in mind. Until then, he had to meet up with the others.

Been working on it lately due to being bored so I decided to take a crack at it. Hope you enjoy.

[mythicamagic]

As usual... I can never just choose one... soo here are my top choices you choose one. Lol

1. Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?

2. The worst thing is, that even after all of that, I’m still in love with you.

3.that ship has sailed. i’ve had my one great love already

4. we’re just…friends.” “friends don’t do this type of shit!

5. Did you just slap my ass?” / “Actually, I firmly grasped it.” 

Why did I decide 2 of the hurt/sad/angst.. idk.. i suppose im glutton for punishment. Dont hurt me too bad if you choose to do one of them myth.

Decided to do a part two for - this ask. 

I chose;  The worst thing is, that even after all of that, I’m still in love with you.

---

The air felt crisp and clean, biting at Kagome's cheeks as she wound her scarf tighter around her neck. Winter markets were so much fun. The vast array of cute little items on display made warmth light up her chest, even as the candy and children's toys reminded her of a certain fox she'd left behind in the past.

Kagome smiled at Ayumi as she prattled on about something or other.

She shouldn't feel guilty. Shippo had barely visited the village in the last year she'd been there. Everyone had moved on. Including herself, somewhat. She'd been so wrapped up in her whirlwind romance with a certain Daiyoukai- the feudal era had been irreparably damaged as a home for her the second they'd broken up.

But she missed her friends. Dearly.

She shook herself. It was too late to go back on her choice now. The well had sealed shut for good.

Ayumi stopped to grab some hot chocolate from a street vendor, allowing Kagome a moment to warm her hands, rubbing them together.

Snowflakes gently danced about like powdered sugar, kissing Kagome's face as she turned- almost bumping face-first into a muscular chest. Fresh scents of wild forests and thunderstorms filled her nose, and she stiffened.

He smells the same.

Kagome bit the inside of her cheek, blue eyes narrowing. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

"Haven't the faintest idea of what you mean," he arranged his features into mild innocence, which was near impossible due to his smiling eyes.

"Riiight," she muttered, wishing Ayumi would hurry up.

Sesshoumaru gazed down at her, a pink gift bag in hand. Kagome grit her teeth, hating that she wondered who it was meant for.

"I did not intend to run into you here, before you accuse me of anything," his silky voice caressed her hearing once more. It sounded so lulling, designed to draw her back in. "Did you take my gift home with you or did you throw it away?" he asked, deceptively casually.

"Home. But don't think that means anything- it's not the plant's fault you're trying to worm your way back into my life."

The Daiyouki smiled to himself, obviously absurdly pleased. He began pursuing the street vendor's items right beside her, gazing at children's toys with a touch of gentleness in his steady gaze. Kagome was prepared to ignore him- until he leaned down, breath fanning 'accidentally' over her cheek as he picked up a doll and straightened.

"Do you remember Rin? And the other children-"

"Don't," Kagome said, unable to move away. She hated the thrumming of her skin so much. The way it cried out. Hated him.

Her skin flared alive, body humming with hunger. Like a shot of adrenalin to the heart, Kagome dipped her chin into her scarf to try and mask her escalating breathing due to his proximity. When they'd had sex- so many years ago- it hadn't been like human lovemaking.

He'd wired new pathways within her system via his youki. Sometimes she felt like it still lived inside her, having made a home for itself. They hadn't mated, but she felt irreversibly changed by it.

Kagome made a faint noise, squeezing her eyes shut.

Resist him-

"Kagome?"

Oh thank God.

"Ayumi, let's go," she said abruptly, facing her friend with an urgent look in her eyes.

Ayumi tilted her head slightly, eyeing Sesshoumaru curiously. "A-alright?"

"You do not need to leave," he turned, exuding a magnanimous air. "I am the one who intruded on your time, please continue," he gestured to the market, ensnaring Kagome's gaze with his own. Unblinking, unable to hide his more animalistic habits even after so many years.

"I hope to see you some other time when my presence does not disturb you," he said softly, walking away.

---

When entering work that Saturday, Kagome could already sense the buzz in the air. Someone had generously donated some priceless artefacts to their museum. The previously undiscovered finds that shaken everyone due to their rarity and mint condition. No one could stop talking about it.

Kagome's blood ran cold the second the items in question were described to her. Pushing through the crowd that had gathered, she stared in horror at the display case.

Itching for a fight, she immediately stormed to his office downtown, opening the door to reception and letting herself in. "Is Sesshoumaru here?" she burst, stopping in front of the secretary's desk.

"Mr Taisho?" the woman blinked, obviously thrown by the petite, angry miko currently glaring at her and using his name so informally. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No. Just tell him Kagome is here."

She was let into his office soon enough, trying to keep a lid on her crackling reiki. Sesshoumaru glanced up from his computer. "Miko? What a pleasant surprise."

Kagome slammed an article atop his desk. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she snapped.

He raised a brow, briefly flicking his attention to the contents. A photo of red and white silks, coupled with polished spiked armour sat in a display unit. "Something wrong? It was just a donation, given in good faith."

"Donated to my workplace!" Kagome seethed, groaning and burying her face in her hands. "Don't you realise I'm going to have to see your things now every day? I've worn those clothes! I've slept in them as pyjamas! Are you trying to mess with me because you want me back?"

"That's a little dramatic, dear one, I'm not trying to 'mess with you.' It was just a donation," he rose from his seat, face inches from hers. "And if I wanted to romance you, I'd go about it much differently."

"Don't 'dear one' me," she snapped. "You could've donated that stuff years ago- or to a different museum. But no, you had to give it to mine."

"My gift was not meant to distress you, but," he rounded the table slowly, fingers dragging over the wood. "It does make me worry, seeing you so worn thin. Is something else going on? Separate from...us?"

Kagome stiffened, avoiding eye contact. Things with her boyfriend had been strained as of late, and the Daiyoukai's sudden appearance back into her life wasn't helping matters.

"There is no 'us.' I'm frustrated and exhausted, that's all. Don't make things even more complicated by asking about that stuff."

Sesshoumaru lingered close, and Kagome didn't shy away. The one person she couldn't bear to be near was also the only being who could offer some semblance of comfort to her due to his familiarity.

"This one meant to give you something," reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a business card, handing it over. Kagome immediately froze, staring at the name. "You miss him," Sesshoumaru murmured. "The kit lives in Kyoto now with his wife and children. Call him."

Tears pricked her eyes, and Kagome bowed her head. Full lips crumpled into a wobbly line.

"If there is something I regret more than our parting, it is that you felt compelled to leave. The fault lies with me."

Shaking her head, a saddened laugh bubbled up her throat. "It was my decision to break up, and it was my decision to leave the Feudal Era. Don't...blame yourself for that part."

"You did not do anything wrong," a long-fingered hand reached out, blunt nails losing their glamour. Sharp claws stroked dark curling hair back from her neck. Kagome's breathing hitched. "When we were together- you did not do anything wrong. We were both so young. It was foolish of me to act as I did, but I think it is now... that we are in the right place for something more."

Kagome shivered, body warming to him. Intuitively, the brush of fingers on her neck made her foolishly anticipate a kiss- sorely disappointed when it didn't come. "I'm not," she forced herself to say. Seeing the disappointment darken his brown eyes, she sighed. "I miss you," Kagome admitted quietly, turning away to escape from his touch. "I miss how... we were. I'm terrified of that, though. I was...under the impression we'd be together. Permanently. Then you had to go and tell me you needed 'pure' heirs to continue the family bloodline."

She laughed bitterly, loosely holding her arms. "The worst thing is, that even after all of that, I'm still in love with you."

"You are frightened that I will hurt you again."

Kagome nodded mutely. She then forced a giggle, giving a weak smile. "Besides, you may not like me as I am now. I'm more jaded than before."

"I like what I see very much," moving closer once more as though experiencing a gravitational pull, he stopped inches away. "I have missed you too," he muttered quietly, genuinely. She could feel him inhale her scent through her hair. "Very much."

Her mouth suddenly became dry. "I'm with Natsuki-"

"Leave him," a rush of passion entered his voice as Sesshoumaru swept closer, backing her into the desk. The wood dug into her thighs, their hips meeting. "This one is not interested in being 'the other man' in an affair. Nor am I interested in watching you remain with someone less than ideal," he snorted, resting his hand over her wrist and grazing his thumb over it.

"Y-you don't know anything about it!"

"I could smell your scent. It was not bright and cheerful even before I re-entered your life the other day. His feels...murky on you. Unhappy."

Kagome swallowed thickly, glancing away. "Observant as ever," she admitted softly.

"Or perhaps you did a poor job of hiding it," backing off a little- he rested his hip next to hers beside the desk, remaining near but barely touching. And yet everything felt so close. "You've changed. But you're still the same at your core, miko," hot breath fanned over her neck, teeth ghosting over the shell of her ear. "If you permitted me, I would not be reckless with your heart again, as I was in my youth."

Her palms traitorously slid up, sliding over firm muscles- running across his chest. He felt warm. His heart was beating fast. Was he nervous? Such a thing sounded impossible.

She bit her lip, secretly longing for the sensation of silks under her hands again instead of the modern cotton of his shirt.

"I don't know that I believe you," Kagome met his gaze, rewarded with the golden glow of his eyes instead of human brown.

"I've gotta go," she said reluctantly, forcing herself to pull away. "I need to be at work."

"Very well," he hummed, unmoving. "But if you...need something. You know where to find me."

He sounded almost desperate for an excuse to talk with her. Giving a curt nod, she let herself out of his office with a long breath, shaking her head. Sesshoumaru's static youki haunted her steps for the remainder of the day.

[marmosa]

short fuse.

Fred Weasley x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: zero proof reading, ha sorry 

A/N: hey guys, so i’m swamped with work rn so my writing process is totally stunted, so i’m sorry about the wait for a new fic. aside from that, i hit 118 followers??? that’s absolutely insane to me that 118 people wanna stick around to see more of my work, it makes me undeniably happy and so proud. So thank you, thank you, thank you. i wanna celebrate somehow, but i’m running dry on ideas. i shot a soulmate!au fred by my best friend and she was keen on it, so i’m leaning towards that, but i do want to celebrate in a way that caters to you guys. so my inbox is open for suggestions and requests while i handle personal obligations. sorry this was a bit of a long a/n, but i just wanna thank you all again so very much for choosing to stick around. it means a lot to me. thank you and enjoy <3

***

“I haven’t got a single clue as to what you’re talking about, she says! That’s a load of rubbish if I’ve ever heard it!”

[y/n] finally laxed and looked up from her hand, furrowing her brows as she continued to blow a soft gust of air onto the drying layer of nail varnish. Her eyes trailed along with Fred who was pacing around her dormitory, his face flushed in anger as he ranted on about some girl in his potions class who happened to piss him off earlier that morning.

“You’d think after Snape chewing our heads off about a less than perfect presentation she’d at least pull some of her weight! And I’m no academic mind you, but I would really prefer to avoid another one of my mum’s howlers this week,” he huffed, finally sitting down in one of the loveseats with an aggressive thump.

“If it’s angering you this much I suggest you either speak to Snape, but he’s insufferable so chance are that’ll bust. How do you feel about me hexing her?” [y/n] offered, offering him a small consoling smile, trying her best to lighten his mood.

It didn’t seem to work as the cloud of frustration continued to thunder above his head, the crease in his forehead more prominent than ever. He dragged his hand down his face and let his head loll back with a grunt, “I appreciate the offer but if I’m forced to another insufferable detention with Snape I’m going to do something awful.”

“What happened to the Fred who spends detention pranking Snape until he’s decided to stop giving you detention simply to avoid having to deal with your pranks again?” [y/n] queried, looking back up from the thumb she’d just fixed up.

“He went and died,” Fred grumbled, sinking further into his chair and frowning.

“Oh shove it, come here,” she waved him over, giving him a demanding stare when he remained deflated in his seat, “I said come here!”

He groaned like a petulant child and slid out of his chair, dragging all his weight as he shuffled over, plopping down onto the floor with a thud strong enough to shake the nail varnish container, earning himself a narrow glare from [y/n].

“Let me paint your nails,” she hummed, grabbing his hand and placing it in front of her without so much as a nod of confirmation.

He remained silent as she got to work, coating his nails in a fine layer of a lovely light blue, humming a small tune to herself as he continued to have the anger peel off him ever so slowly. As soon as she finished the first hand he silently gave her the other, resigning to blow a small gust of air onto the drying paint.

“You’ve gone all quiet, d’ya like getting your nails done?” she mused, grabbing one of the many q-tips spilled across her surface to wipe away at the still wet polish that dripped off the side of his thumbnail.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he mumbled, back-tracking when she squeezed his hand to emphasize that she was just asking him a genuine question, “a little, yeah.”

“Well then you should ask me to paint them more often! I think I did a pretty good job and look-!” she held up their hands together, pressing hers right under his just enough to where you could still see his nails, “we match!”

Fred couldn’t carry his anger anymore, a smile finally creeping its way onto his lips, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he returned the kind gesture. His heart decompressed, his posture relaxing as he blew off his remaining steam.

“See, all better- ah! Don’t move yet, they’re not dry,” she chastised him, bringing his hands back down flat against the surface, earning herself a shocked grimace from him, “sorry, I’d just hate for it to smudge.”

“S’alright,” he blew out a breath of air, his eyes scanning her appearance as she fussed over his nails just to make sure they were still intact.

He felt another smile coming on as he admired her. A concentrated crease in her brow, her hair out of place from the morning past, robes long discarded as she got comfortable despite the school uniform. It was impossible, he thought, to not be in love with her.

“What’re you lookin’ at Weasley? Planning to kill me in cold blood are ya?” she teased, finally content with her scan of his nails.

“If you keep biting at me with all that sass, maybe I will be,” he replied, sticking his tongue out playfully and scrunching his nose.

“Well if you wanna keep coming to me to vent you’re going to have to get used to sass. Besides I’ve known you for ages, this isn’t new, is it?” she queried, cocking her head to the side.

“It certainly isn’t,” he shook his head, “doesn’t mean you should keep doing it. But I rest my case.”

“Good, because we’re gonna be late to class, come on now.”

***

“I like the color mate, where’d ya get that fancy thing done?”

Fred looked up from the parchment in front of him, glancing over to Oliver who’d seemingly already finished up with his charms notes, “oh, it’s uh, [y/n]’s. She painted them for me before class.”

“Nice. Hopefully it doesn’t get ruined at practice today, which is after class don’t  you forget it,” Oliver added, nodding his head as if he’d just aided Fred in avoiding a perilous fate.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Fred chuckled, rolling his eyes at Oliver’s typical attitude.

Oliver seemed content with that answer and went back to his work leaving Fred be. Before he could focus back on his work he felt a piece of paper pelt the back of his head, anger twitching in his temple at the annoying gesture. He glanced behind him and saw the crumpled paper on the floor, looking around the class to see a group of Slytherin quidditch players sitting around laughing amongst themselves.

Fred glowered at them and picked up the paper, unfurling it to see a few insults and some shitty grade-level doodle that insinuated Gryffindor was going to lose the upcoming match later that week. Anger bubbled within him once more as the small gesture relit the fuse [y/n] had supposedly managed to completely put out earlier that day.

Without so much as a side glance he stuck his arm out just enough to where the Slytherin’s could see it and Flitwick couldn’t, muttering a small incantation and feeling the paper burst into flames and reduce itself to ashes in his palm within seconds.

The Slytherin’s had gone and picked a poor day to get on Fred’s nerves as it didn’t take long for another few pieces of paper to be pelted at the back of his head. Unfortunately he had quite literally had it, his stool scraping behind him bringing everyone’s attention to him in the silent class as he thundered over to the Slytherin’s.

He approached them with fury biting into every step he took, his arm surging forward as he grasped the collar of one of the upper year players, a nasty glare painted onto his features.

“You’ve got something you wanted to say to me you slimy bastard?” Fred seethed, his other hand clenched at his side, ready to swing had things decided to take the turn he was anticipating.

“Yeah, didn’t you read the papers?” The Slytherin boy replied smugly, not frightened enough for the immanent danger he was in.

“I would’ve, but none of you are literate enough to form an understandable sentence,” Fred bit back, his brows set heavy on his face, anger practically rolling off him in waves.

The other boy didn’t seem to enjoy having his intelligence insulted, his own chair scraping behind him as he stood up, though it was comical to onlookers just how much taller Fred was than he.

“What’d you say to me, Weasley?”

“I said you’re a piece of shit who’s dumb as rocks.”

That was it. Fists started flying and a ruckus had immediately begun, some students cheering while others called Flitwick’s attention, begging him to intervene in the situation. Being as tall as he was, Fred didn’t have much difficulty tackling the other boy to the ground, taking a sharp swing to his face that landed with a uncomfortably loud thump. The kid cried in pain at that and was finally overtaken by his fighting spirit.

It want on like that for a while, the other kid managing to get in a few hits too, punching Fred in the mouth and landing a nasty kick to the stomach, before Professor Flitwick and another teacher who’d been panic called in finally stopped the brawl.

“Mr. Weasley, enough!” McGonagall snapped, standing in front of him as Oliver and two other Gryffindor’s corralled him to the side and away from the boy who was groaning in pain on the floor.

“But professor he-,”

“Forget detention, you need to be taken to the infirmary this instant! Wood, escort him there immediately and please try not to track blood in the corridors,” McGonagall sighed, exasperated with having to deal with yet another issue, turning on her heel to go attend to the obviously more battered student.

As Fred’s adrenaline finally subsided, pain started to seep into his face and chest, the feeling of fresh blood spilling out of his nose finally registering to him.

“C’mon mate, we’ve got to go before it gets worse,” Oliver insisted, trying his best to forcefully move Fred who was rooted in his place without hurting his injuries.

“Yeah, yeah, right,” Fred nodded, a far away quality to his voice as he and Oliver left the class to head to Madame Pomfrey’s.

***

“Is Fred here? Where is he? Oh, Fred!”

He looked up from the cup of medicine he’d just downed, his face recoiling in disgust at the flavor, eyes sealing shut as he forced it down. When he’d finally recovered from the rancid taste he saw [y/n] barreling towards him, panic glued to her features, her robes billowing behind her.

“Hey, [y/ln],” he grinned, setting the glass down and wincing in pain as he went to uncurl his hands, the knuckles still split open and raw as he waited to have them wrapped up.

“Don’t ‘hey [y/ln]’ me, what were you thinking?” she chided, grabbing a nearby chair and pulling it to the side of his bed, “you look terrible.”

“Hey,” Fred pouted, endeared at her display of worry for his wellbeing, “But you honestly should’ve seen the other guy.”  

“I did and as mad I want to be, you did do quite a number on him. But your hands! Oh dear me,” she sighed shakily, jumping up to go collect some gauze, tape, and disinfectant.

“They’re not that bad,” he mumbled as she grabbed one of his hands, guiding it in her direction ever so gently.

“You always say that,” she clipped, taking a cotton ball out of its container on the nightstand and soaking it in disinfectant, “now just brace yourself, it’s going to sting.”

Before Fred could get a word out he was hissing in pain, collapsing his shoulders inward as his body shivered with the sting. She cooed sweet words under her breath, quickly replacing the cotton ball with gauze to protect the now freshly clean wound. After repeating the same process over again she set his now wrapped hands in his lap, discarding of the used things and returning the tools to their designated spot.

“All better,” she smiled, reaching forward and squeezing the uninjured part of his hand kindly, rubbing her thumb over the tightly wound gauze.

Fred’s heart swelled as he watched her, the fight feeling all the more worth it to have her fawn over him, “Yeah, all better.”

“Madame, he should be free to leave shouldn’t he?” [y/n] asked as Madame walked over, a tray of tools and medications in her hands.

“I’d wish it so. Mr. Weasley please remove your shirt so I can get a good look at your injury,” Pomfrey instructed, setting her tools down on the nightstand, “and [y/n] please move to the other side so I can get to work.

[y/n] passed him a wide-eyed glare as she maneuvered to the other side of the bed, her worry quickly being shoved to the side as he revealed his toned abdomen right in her face. Had circumstance not have been so worrisome, she probably would’ve been all over him, however the school infirmary was the last place she was going to do something like that.

She cast her gaze down, pretending to occupy herself with picking at her nails as she desperately tried to focus on anything but him. She could see him looking at her quizzically, but she still refused to cave and play into her not to so pure thoughts.

“Alright, luckily there isn’t more than a bit of nasty bruising and some small fractures. I’ll go get you another dosage of medication but it’ll require that you stay the night in the infirmary,” Madame Pomfrey nodded, lifting her tray and scurrying away, continuing onto the next ailment she had to attend to.

“Stay the night, rubbish,” Fred groaned, letting his fall back against the railing of the bed with a small thunk, his chest rising and falling softly as he stared at the ceiling.

“Don’t get any bright ideas, you’re staying here or I’ll give you different reason to,” [y/n] deadpanned, folding her arms across her chest as she finally looked up at him.

“And what will you do? Hmm?” He smiled smugly, sitting back up and folding his arms over his chest, his muscles flexing with the movement.

“I-,” her brain ran blank as she quickly averted her gaze, her leg bouncing conspicuously fast, “I don’t know. Something bad probably.”

“Something bad,” he repeated with a lilt, quirking his head to the side, “ is that ‘something bad’ bothering you, [y/n]?”

Her eyes proceeded to grown wider if that was at all possible as she fumbled to find a witty response to snip back at him, but it was no use, she was all hot and bothered and at a loss of words. She resigned herself to a small shake of her head, casting her eyes down to her lap.

“Oh,” he hummed, a smugness practically dripping from his voice, “I get it, you like what you see don’t you?”

“Okay you know what, I think you’re in good hands and you’re going to be just fine on your own and now that I know you’re not dead, I’m going to head back to my dormitory now!” She jumped up, her chair scraping across the floor with an uncomfortable screech as she turned on her heel to leave.

“Now hold on-,” he interjects, grabbing her wrist the best he could with his restricted mobility, tugging her back slightly, “I was only kidding, you know that. I appreciate you coming to check up on me.”

He watched her decompress, her eyes glancing down to where he held her wrist with a tiny smile pulled onto her lips, “Of course, any time Freddie. Now if you’ll excuse me, I actually must go for homework purposes, but I might be back later. Take care.”

“Take care!” he called after her.

***

Fred cozied himself into the covers, the gentle pitter patter of the rain outside the many infirmary windows becoming the background to his thoughts as he tried to fall asleep. With a sigh he rolled onto his back, folding his hands over his chest as he found himself uncapable of falling asleep.

He was bored out of his mind, usually when he found himself in similar circumstances in his dorm he had something on hand to occupy his busy brain. However the infirmary didn’t really provide much to do unless he wanted to get up, steal a stethoscope, and start playing a one-sided game of doctor.

Before he could roll back onto his side and pull the covers closer to his chin to try and force himself asleep, a small outburst of noise drew his attention. As alertness spiked in him, he quietly reached for his wand on his nightstand, wrapping his hand around it and drawing it back under the covers, his mind starting to recite as many defense hex's he could think of.

As he prepared himself to turn around he felt a hand clasp his shoulder and before he could start screaming to try and grab everyone and their mother’s attention, another hand placed itself over his mouth followed by a shushing command.

He turned his head and felt a sudden wave of relief flooding over him as he registered the faux perpetrator, his heart then picking up pace for the same reason.

“Hey,” [y/n] smiled softly, he eyes sunken in a sleepy sort of way. “I’m gonna move my hand, don’t scream.”

Fred rolled his eyes, but nodded none the less, “you could’ve given me a heads up that you were coming, I would’ve tried harder to look more presentable.”

She looked up from her open bag at her side, her brows pushing together as she stared at him with a confused yet amused look, “you look just fine, Freddie. What’re you on about?”

Fred struggled to bite back a laugh, shaking his head as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, the blanket bunching around his waist, “Nothing, nothing- hey, what’d you even come here for anyway? Couldn’t resist being away from me for so long?”

“You wish, Weasley,” she rolled her eyes, thanking her lucky stars that there was a chair nearby and she wouldn’t have to make any extra noise bringing it over, “I’m here to paint your nails.”

“Oh,” he glanced down at his hands, noticing she was, in fact, right about the presumed notion that he needed a repaint, “Are they still gonna be blue?”

“Well, I brought the lot of the varnish with me, I was just going to let you pick,” she smiled, setting the bag down into his lap.

His face beamed as he rolled the tote bag down, revealing the pile of nail varnish containers, a childish grin spreading out on his face as he browsed the collection. [y/n] smiled to herself and prepped the nail varnish remover to get rid of the cracked and chipped polish already on his fingers.

“Can I mix ‘n match?” he quipped, holding up two colors to the moonlight to get a better look at them.

“If you’d like,” she shrugged, “it’s up to you.”

“Sick! Can I do one hand black and one red?” his voice buzzing with excitement.

“Certainly, hand them over and we can start,” she chuckled, taking the two colors and setting the rest at the foot of the bed

She pulled one of his hands to her gently, swirling the cotton ball over his nails to remove the polish. A giggle escape her when he scrunched his nose at the bitter smell of the acetone, the fumes making him blink rapidly as he got used to it.

“Well that’s mad, it feels like that stuff should’ve melted my fingers off,” he breathed incredulously, shaking his head to get rid off the weird buzz that had fanned over his brain.

“It certainly does and unfortunately the effects don’t change, you can never really get used to it,” she sighed, grabbing his other hand, continuing to wipe away at the blue.

The two feel back into silence as she feel into her focused stupor, her lips pursed to blow a small gust of wind to dry the remaining acetone while she shook a bottle of varnish in her other hand. Fred watched her with wide, adoring eyes, absolutely enamored with how dedicated she was to the task at hand. He let her continue on without interjecting, for the first time that night the silence was inviting and he quite enjoyed just hearing the clink of the cap against the bottle and the intermingling of their breaths.

“You have nice hands,” she noted absentmindedly, capping the black varnish and beginning to help it dry, missing the look Fred gave her at the suggestive nature of her compliment.

“Thanks,” he hummed, redirecting his attention to the shiny layer of red on his right hand while she continued to blow air onto his left.

“Of course,” she hummed, “now let me see both of your hands, I don’t want it to be messy.”

Fred complied and shifted his body so he was facing her, setting both his hands in her own while she inspected his nails, her focus so dedicated to her task that she yet again missed the adoring look he was giving her. A smile quirked at his lips as she absentmindedly ran her thumb over his hands, triple-checking that the varnish was indeed dry.

“Well, I suppose that does it,” she nodded, satisfied with her handy work, “d’ya like it?”

“More than anything,” he beamed, “are you going to leave now?”

“Only if you want me to, I don’t have classes tomorrow morning so I have no problem staying up,” she shrugged, secretly wishing he’d request her company.

“That’d be lovely, I was having trouble sleeping anyway,” he nodded.

“Same here. I can imagine it was only harder for you with your injuries,” she noted sadly, glancing over at his still wrapped hands, the gauze looking like it was fresh.  

“It’s not too bad, Madame Pomfrey gave me some painkillers so I’m doing alright. Besides it’s not so bad since I have you,” he added, fiddling with the folded covers around his knees.

Her eyes widened a bit as she processed his confession of sorts, her heart picking up pace in her chest at his vulnerability, her next words coming out in a hush, “That’s sweet, Freddie.”

“I’d hope so,” he whispered, raising his brows as he bobbed his head in an awkward sort of nod.

[y/n] reached forward again and took one of his hands into hers, boldly lifting it to her lips and pressing a chaste kiss to his bandaged knuckles, squeezing his wrist gently. It was all too much for Fred, she’d been too kind all day and here she was sitting in front of him now, kissing his hand and smiling at him all too innocently for how badly he wanted to kiss her then and there.

But he was at a loss of words and she was at a loss of restraint, trailing her lips up so she could press another kiss to the inside of his wrist and then the small divot of his elbow, slowly but surely pulling him forward towards her. Fred didn’t mind it though, he leaned into her with every advance, his breath coming to a stand still in his throat as she neared his face.

Her chair pushed behind her with a faint scraping noise as she stood up to accommodate for their height difference, his hand now intertwined with her own down at her side as she looked him straight in the eyes. The tension in the air was palpable and though she had been taking the initiative all day, he didn’t need anyone to tell him twice just what he needed to do.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked barely above a whisper.

“You most certainly can.”

Though he felt himself surge forward with urgency, the entire thing was as slow and sultry as they could get it. Their lips molded together softly, gentle kisses passed between each of them, quiet endearments passed between each pause for breath before going in for more. Fred cupped the back of her head with his free hand, hers doing relatively the same as she lifted her knee to his side so she could stabilize herself.

The kisses quickly became deeper, not necessarily desperate, but long and drawn out, both of them wanting to melt into the other for eternity. [y/n] wished so desperately that the circumstance were different enough to where she could curve into him, be able to feel over his arms and chest and relish in every inch of him that she’d fallen in love with. Fred similarly thought the same, his hand squeezing hers every so often to remind himself that she was there and this was happening and she was his.

When they pulled away, [y/n] pressed her forehead to his, letting their hands unwind so she could cup his face and he could caress her hips. Their breaths mingled in the buzzing silence, heart’s thumping in their ears as they relished in one another’s presence. She turned her head to the side to pepper kisses against his cheek, tilting it downward to trace loving kisses along his jawline too. He let out a breathy chuckle, feeling bad that he couldn’t just pull her into his lap and show her as much affection as she was showing him, but he knew deep down their current options were limited.

“I adore you Freddie,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to the divot where his ear met his jaw, her fingers moving to card through his hair.

Fred couldn’t believe how utterly at a loss for words he was. It was so unlike him to not have a witty word or two to put in, especially after such a moment that begged for its tension to be resolved. But after the rough day he’d had, he thought it fine to let himself receive rather than give, even if just this once.

“You’re amazing, [y/l/n],” he chuckled softly, moving his hands so they were rubbing her back gently, her shirt riding up every so often with his movements.

“As are you,” she hummed, finally pulling back to admire her lover’s face, her thumb tracing over his jaw, nose, and lips, an adoring gaze melted onto her features.

“Thank you. For all you’ve done for me today,” he added, wanting to emphasize just how appreciative he was of her, knowing he’d hopefully be able to truly make it up to her later.

“That’s what you do for people you love, right?” she smiled, biting back a giggle when his face drew into one of bashfulness.

“I suppose so,” he returned the smile, pulling her face back down for one more savored kiss, a sigh escaping her as she melted into his embrace once more, “now what do you suppose we do for the next couple hours, that is if you intend to stay?”

“Well see,” [y/n] shrugged, “now scoot over that chair is ghastly, I don’t want to sit in it anymore.”

“And were back,” Fred chuckled, obliging her request to make room for her on the bed.

“What?”

“Oh it’s nothing,” he shook his head.

“Yeah, nothing, sure,” she rolled her eyes, crossing her legs under her as she got comfy across from him.

“It is nothing!” he scoffed, kicking her before crossing his legs underneath him.

“Rubbish.”

“I warned you what would happen if you kept giving me sass didn’t I,” he quirked a brow, folding his arms over his chest.

“Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t, we may never know,” she lilted, batting her eyelashes innocently.

Fred exhaled and lolled his head to the side, unable to hide the grin on his face, “whatever, now, I bet you’re wondering how the fight went!”

“Oh yes! But spare the nasty details, I can handle it, I’d just prefer not to.”

“Whatever you say, love.”

[seijorhi]

Lev pretending to be innocent in front of the reader but is actually her stalker with those cat eyes. He asks help from her and they gradually get closer until he gets her all alone in her apartment under his care

Absolutely! Lev is prime stalker material 👀 poor reader

Lev Haiba x Reader

TW stalking, manipulation

Harmless

“Don’t you think he’s just a little… I don’t know, creepy?” your best friend murmurs in a pointed tone, stirring the sugar into her coffee. 

You bite back a sigh - it’s a conversation you’ve had countless times before and it always ends the same way. You defend Lev, chastise your friend for her paranoia and distrustful nature and eventually she relents with an unconvincing ‘if you say so’. 

“He’s harmless, honestly - Lev wouldn’t hurt a fly and he’s actually very sweet once you get to know him. I don’t know why you’re so against him. He’s a good friend.”

She huffs, taking a slow sip of her drink before she replies. “Well for one, he’s like an overgrown shadow. I swear, every time we’re out together we always seem to just magically run into him, all big and looming, and he’s always staring at you like he wants to gobble you up - just you by the way, he outright ignores the rest of us peasants - it’s like he’s obsessed with you or something, and-”

She keeps talking, but honestly you kind of zone out a little bit. You can’t judge her too harshly. She’s always been protective of you, ever since you guys were kids, you suppose it’s only natural for her to be wary of Lev.

And she’s not wrong per se. You do have the strangest habit of running into Lev around town, but it’s how you met, after all - quite literally running into the 6’5” giant as you were exiting the exact same coffee shop you were currently sitting in.

Spilling your piping hot coffee all over somebody else’s sweater doesn’t usually have the makings of a burgeoning friendship but Lev had been so sweet about the whole thing, blushing and bowing, shooting apology after apology (despite the fact that it was mostly your fault) that you couldn’t help but offer to buy his drink in compensation for ruining his morning - and more importantly his clothes.

Lev, grinning brightly, had agreed with a single condition - that you joined him. And really, after pouring hot coffee all over him, it was the least you could do.

“Hey, are you even paying attention to me?!”

You jerk a little, shaking yourself out of your reverie to find your friend glaring at you. It lacks any real heat though, and she just rolls her eyes and gives a long suffering sigh. “I’m worried about you, Y/N. Didn’t you say that some of your stuff has been going missing lately?”

An old picture of you and some friends on vacation, a necklace you used to wear religiously and you could swear that you’re missing one of your favourite bras and some panties, but… sometimes stuff like that just gets misplaced - it’s not like you’re exactly the tidiest person around. 

Still, you can’t help the way that your brows furrow at her implication, “I said I misplaced some things. Are you honestly suggesting that Lev broke into my apartment to steal that stuff?” you ask with a snicker. The very idea of the silver haired giant sneaking around your tiny apartment is ridiculous!

Your friend’s pointed silence speaks volumes. 

“Oh, come on! He’s just a friend - a little excitable maybe,” and very affectionate, always swallowing you up in tight hugs, fingers constantly seeking out yours - but somehow you don’t think that part will help your case, “but he’s just a big softie.”

She scoffs, folding her arms over her chest. She doesn’t speak for a long moment, but when she does, she reaches across the table to grab your hand in hers, squeezing it lightly. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m being a jealous, judgemental bitch because I don’t like the idea of anyone else coming to steal you away from me,” she smiles self deprecatingly, but there’s an real edge of worry in her eyes that makes your stomach twist, “but you’re the most important thing to me. I don’t want you getting hurt, and I get bad vibes from that guy.” 

You open your mouth to retort, but she just shakes her head, “Just… just promise me you’ll be careful around him, alright?”

Wordlessly, you nod.

As much as you try and dismiss her concerns, as days pass you begin to wonder if maybe she isn’t wrong.

Not about Lev of course - he might be a little over exuberant but you know he doesn’t mean any harm by it - but you think, well… you’re starting to think that maybe somebody’s following you.

At first it’s just the tickling sensation on the back of your neck. When you run to the corner store on your lunch break to pick up a snack for the afternoon a shiver runs down your spine as you get the strangest feeling that somebody’s staring at you - you can feel the weight of their gaze burning into your back, but whenever you turn there’s nobody there.

There’s never anybody there.

But… didn’t you shut the door to your closet before you left for work that morning? You could have sworn that the window to your second storey bedroom was locked.

It comes to a head one night after work. You leave later than you normally would, having lost track of time trying to get some last minute emails off and by the time you actually get out the door it’s already dark outside and it’s pouring down with rain.

You’re halfway home when you get that prickling feeling on your skin, and your gut tightens uncomfortably. Tentatively you slow, shooting a furtive glance over your shoulder. The streets of the city are normally busy at this time of the night, but the rain’s driven people away - there’s not a soul in sight, including any wannabe stalkers.

The tight grip on your heart eases and you force yourself to relax. You’re imagining things now, you think with a shake of your head and a breathless laugh. 

Nobody’s out to get you, you’re fine.

Except the prickling sensation on the back of your neck doesn’t go away, and with every step you take the discomfort in your gut becomes harder and harder to ignore. Fingers flit anxiously at your side, your grip tightening on the handle of your umbrella. The rain’s loud as it crashes around you, but as you turn down the music coming from your headphones you swear that you can hear heavy footfalls behind you.

All it would take is another quick glance to confirm your suspicions. It could just be another person out in the rain trying to make their way home, same as you. It could be all your head, paranoia brought about by your friend’s worries. But fear has clawed its way up your spine - it’s late and you’re tired and scared, rational thought has left the building and you don’t think about any of that before dropping your umbrella and taking off into a sprint.

You don’t look back.

You don’t stop until you're back in the safety of your apartment with the door locked, blinds shut and the deadbolt in place.

You’re still trembling twenty minutes later when there’s a knock at your front door.

Your heart leaps into your throat at the sound, your entire body tensing, and for a single moment you debate not answering the door, but… you let out a sigh, shaking your head. You’re being ridiculous.

A quick glance through the peephole sets your heart at ease. Standing in the hallway dressed in a slightly damp black overcoat, his silvery-grey hair dusted with rain, is Lev. 

Relief floods through you as you quickly work at the locks, flicking open the deadbolt.

“Hey, Lev,” you murmur somewhat sheepishly, stepping back to let him come inside.

His green, catlike eyes light up at the sight of you, and he doesn’t waste a moment before leaning down and enveloping you in a tight hug - never mind his wet coat. You let yourself relax into the embrace - the comforting warmth as he wraps himself around you and strokes your back. “Y/N! I’m so glad you’re home! I know I’m kinda stopping by unannounced and all, but I was just on my way…” he trails off as he pulls back slightly, eyes narrowing as they flicker across your face.

“Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he murmurs, his hands still entwined around your waist.

You smile tightly, biting down on your bottom lip. Should you tell him? There’s still some part of you that thinks maybe it’s all in your head, that you’re working yourself up for no good reason, but what if you’re not? What if there is somebody who’s-

There’s an insistent tug at your waist and your eyes dart back up to find Lev’s frown deepening. “Something’s wrong, tell me.”

A blush finds its way to your cheeks as you carefully unwind yourself from his hold and make your way back further into your living room, “I- you’ll think I’m being stupid I guess, or paranoid, but…”

“But?” he prompts.

You take a deep breath, fingers twisting in front of you, “I think that somebody might be… following me?” you phrase it almost as a question, carefully watching his face for any sign that he might start laughing at you. But he doesn’t - Lev’s features are perfectly blank as he stares back at you, and you rush to fill the sudden heavy silence that falls between the two of you. “I know it sounds insane, but my friend got me worried the other day, and things have been going missing from my place and I’m almost positive that somebody followed me home tonight and-”

“Hey,” he says, quickly stepping forward to close the distance between you. He reaches for your hand with a soft smile and you let him take it, offering a shaking smile back when his thumb smooths over the back of your palm. “I believe you. You don’t need to be scared, I’m here for you.”

You nod, swallowing down your nerves once more. 

“Do you… do you want me to stay tonight? Or at least for a few hours, you just look so fragile and frightened, I hate the thought of leaving you like this.”

Lev’s eyes show nothing but earnest concern as he studies you with a pout, and this time when your lips curl into a smile it's with genuine gratitude for your friend.

You should say no - it’s hardly fair for you to impose on him over something you’re not even sure is real, but… “Actually, that sounds good, if you don’t have plans of course - I don’t want to spoil your night or anything,” you mutter with a blush.

Lev just shakes his head with a soft laugh, “Of course not. You’re my only concern tonight, angel.”

You try not to let the relief show on your face too much. You’ll feel better knowing he’s there with you, and if nothing else you know he’ll take your mind off of things. It’s just what you need tonight - a friend. “Thank you,” you say warmly, dropping his hand so you can make your way back into the kitchen. “I was actually just about to start dinner, have you eaten yet? I was thinking pasta, but let me know if you feel like something else.”

He watches you for a moment as you open the fridge and bend over to rummage inside. “Pasta sounds great,” he calls back, shedding his damp jacket and making his way over to hang it off the coat rack by the front door.

Busy in the kitchen, you’re none the wiser to the soft click of locks turning, the deadbolt sliding back into place.