#( &. communication. )

[obscure-entity]

types on my little puter i love your art

thank ouy so Much

[manty-monster]

It's always messed me up how manageable some symptoms of BPD could be with the right communication and understanding of the mental illness.

It's a disability, and like many disabilities, there are accessibility options, and there are concessions that can be made, knowledge that can be expanded on. Having a relationship when you have a disability can be work; sometimes, you or your partner may have to help each other. This shouldn't be different for mental disabilities.

So I wanted to come up with some basic practices that can help you if you or your loved one has BPD.

disclaimer - this is one person with BPD's opinion and may not be true for everyone, communication is key, BPD is a complex but manageable illness.

Understanding what a trigger is, neurobiologically. When a person with BPD has a trigger, their brain floods with chemicals, driving them into panic. The things they say and do should be taken under that consideration. This is not to say dismiss what's being said. There is still a conscious mind behind the words and the things and those topics may hint at a core insecurity that should be discussed later, but understand on a conscious level that your loved one may not necessarily be in a clear state of mind.

Stop responding to everything at face value. Building off #1, once you recognize that your partner is emotionally compromised, with a disorder that creates black and white thinking aka splitting, or heightened emotional responses, you can't respond to everything in the same way you would respond to a casual question. If your partner hits you with the classic "Are you mad at me?" that should be a cue to you to try and explore that more deeply.

Initiate open communication. ☆ Which brings us to communication. Open, loving communication has to come from a place of empathy first and foremost. It requires briefly stepping into your partner's shoes in communication. It's not easy to steel your immediate reaction when someone says something untrue or hurtful to you, but it does become easier if you can recognize the emotional meaning behind words as well as the literal meaning. "Are you mad?" becomes helpful inside-shorthand for "Hey, I'm feeling insecure right now. Could you help me manage that?" rather than a frustrating phrase. I had to put a star there because holy shit is it important to understand emotive communication, heightened emotions, and cognitive empathy/perspective-taking when communicating with someone with BPD. This one's gonna involve some metacognition, folks.

Calming techniques. As you learn more about each other, try to include learning what calms you or your partner down. Comforting/soothing actions can help the chemicals from being triggered or splitting to dissipate faster. Learning what makes your partner calm or happy will go a long way towards easy caring management of some symptoms. While things like "Please calm down" can make things much worse, a simple "Can you tell me about [aspect of their special interest]?" "Do you want me to turn my webcam on?" "Can I put [favorite band/show] on?" "Do you want to be held?" are much more personal, show you have an interest in helping them feel better, and can diffuse a situation. Context matters, of course. Sometimes all that's needed is "I'm listening, I love you."

Understand your partner's symptoms. Looking up symptoms of BPD and understanding them is crucial to understanding what is going on. For instance, people with BPD have a warped sense of object permanence, and sending small messages while you're away can be a way to manage this. Rejection sensitivity, which is also seen in other neurodiversities like ADHD, autism, and CPTSD (which shares like 99% of symptoms and cause with BPD), can be managed by establishing a vocabulary together to navigate rejection, trust, and symptom recognition.

Understand your partner. Every person is different, and their history and trauma are unique. Some people with BPD were neglected and abandoned, while others were parentified or victims of other forms of abuse. Many people with BPD have other comorbid neurodivergences. It's important to be curious about your own and your partner's minds. Preventing a trigger is much better than resolving one. Knowing the things that could cause yourself or your partner to split or experience another symptom can allow you to discuss it beforehand, even set up a plan to prevent it. This can include making plans for things to do in your or their absence, having an object to hold to help remember that you or they are loved (such as a bracelet or stuffed animal), or setting an alarm or using post-it notes to remember important dates or schedules. Using self-aids is a good thing!

TLDR: So much of BPD can be almost totally mitigated with empathy, pre-planning, and understanding. Having a partner with a mental illness isn't always easy, but we could be doing a lot better for people with CPTSD/BPD, and frankly, for anyone with a mental or physical disability than we are right now with leave him sis dating culture. Obviously, this whole post depends on both people being able to introspect enough to enact these things. If you have BPD, mindfulness, CBT (the therapy kind), and DBT can be very helpful for consciously managing your way through triggers.

Sources:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35357883/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3182008/

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/January-2022/Understanding-Mental-Illness-Triggers

https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bjc.12216

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202006/is-it-borderline-personality-disorder-or-is-it-really-complex-ptsd

https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/how-ptsd-cptsd-and-bpd-can-impact-relationships

https://mark-havens.medium.com/understanding-cognitive-empathy-the-key-to-better-relationships-and-communication-8b3ea7a4370c

https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6026651/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/affective-perspective-taking

you made it this far heres a cool storm i saw from a plane

[thinkspam]

[viktor-the-leshen]

[raqualswonderfunblog]

[parttimepunner]

Pour one out for a real one.

[suzypfonne]

Before January 2025:

If you are a USAmerican in a relationship that might be affected by legislation that dissolves same-sex marriages, who may no longer be recognized as next-of-kin, especially if you have children, get your rights in writing!

Your marriage certificate may not be enough to prove you have rights to make medical decisions for non-biological children or for a same-sex spouse or partner.

Go to a lawyer, get it spelled out as clearly as possible that you have a voice in emergency medical and legal situations.

[sourdough-seal]

“omg you’re so creative. how do you get your ideas” i hallucinate a single scene in the taco bell drive thru and then spend 13 months trying to write it

[mollybeenoel]

Source: poeticalphotos

[hayatheauthor]

10 Non-Lethal Injuries to Add Pain to Your Writing

New Part: 10 Lethal Injury Ideas

If you need a simple way to make your characters feel pain, here are some ideas: 

1. Sprained Ankle

A common injury that can severely limit mobility. This is useful because your characters will have to experience a mild struggle and adapt their plans to their new lack of mobiliy. Perfect to add tension to a chase scene.

2. Rib Contusion

A painful bruise on the ribs can make breathing difficult, helping you sneak in those ragged wheezes during a fight scene. Could also be used for something sport-related! It's impactful enough to leave a lingering pain but not enough to hinder their overall movement.

3. Concussions

This common brain injury can lead to confusion, dizziness, and mood swings, affecting a character’s judgment heavily. It can also cause mild amnesia.

I enjoy using concussions when you need another character to subtly take over the fight/scene, it's an easy way to switch POVs. You could also use it if you need a 'cute' recovery moment with A and B.

4. Fractured Finger

A broken finger can complicate tasks that require fine motor skills. This would be perfect for characters like artists, writers, etc. Or, a fighter who brushes it off as nothing till they try to throw a punch and are hit with pain.

5. Road Rash

Road rash is an abrasion caused by friction. Aka scraping skin. The raw, painful sting resulting from a fall can be a quick but effective way to add pain to your writing. Tip: it's great if you need a mild injury for a child.

6. Shoulder Dislocation

This injury can be excruciating and often leads to an inability to use one arm, forcing characters to confront their limitations while adding urgency to their situation. Good for torture scenes.

7. Deep Laceration

A deep laceration is a cut that requires stitches. As someone who got stitches as a kid, they really aren't that bad! A 2-3 inch wound (in length) provides just enough pain and blood to add that dramatic flair to your writing while not severely deterring your character.

This is also a great wound to look back on since it often scars. Note: the deeper and wider the cut the worse your character's condition. Don't give them a 5 inch deep gash and call that mild.

8. Burns

Whether from fire, chemicals, or hot surfaces, burns can cause intense suffering and lingering trauma. Like the previous injury, the lasting physical and emotional trauma of a burn is a great wound for characters to look back on.

If you want to explore writing burns, read here.

9. Pulled Muscle

This can create ongoing pain and restrict movement, offering a window to force your character to lean on another. Note: I personally use muscle related injuries when I want to focus more on the pain and sprains to focus on a lack of mobility.

10. Tendonitis

Inflammation of a tendon can cause chronic pain and limit a character's ability to perform tasks they usually take for granted. When exploring tendonitis make sure you research well as this can easily turn into a more severe injury.

This is a quick, brief list of ideas to provide writers inspiration. Since it is a shorter blog, I have not covered the injuries in detail. This is inspiration, not a thorough guide. Happy writing! :)

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Check out the rest of Quillology with Haya; a blog dedicated to writing and publishing tips for authors!

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[bebs-art-gallery]

Art by Essi Välimäki

[respectissexy]

There are two basic arguments for shutting the fuck up about cishets at Pride.

First: What if a trans kid asks their parents to show their support by attending Pride with them? What if a lesbian can only attend pride if she gets a ride from someone and the only person willing and able to drive her is her straight brother? What if a bi disabled person can't attend a large outdoor event without hands-on assistance from their straight partner? What if someone just wants to bring their fucking friends? What if, contrary to popular tumblr discourse, most queers don't inhabit perfectly pure social bubbles populated only by other queers? What if it's none of your business?

Second and perhaps more important: If you think you can tell that someone is CIS, let alone HET, by LOOKING at them, you are a cop and an idiot.

[guiltyidealist]

new favorite YouTube comment just dropped

[raqualswonderfunblog]

[acornsandacorns]

you know what? Fuck you. *turns your strong and stoic and serious character into a crying, traumatized, whimpering, curled up mess in the floor*