#( &. a soft heart in a cruel world | NATALIAISMS. )

[captainsimagines]

pretty woman, this is me trying || one

Summary: Bucky Barnes does not like to be touched. He’s completely ready to live a distant life and give up when the time is right. Until Stark hires him his own personal pretty woman. Over time, Bucky Barnes begins to learn how to touch again. How to feel again. How to love himself again.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female SexWorker!Reader

Trope(s): Holiday Fanfic ; Slow-Burn ; Friends to Lovers

Based on the Song(s): sweet nothing by Taylor Swift and Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

(1/14)

Mini-Series / AO3 Link

Warnings: PTSD themes; past sexual abuse (Hydra); strong language; panic attacks; nightmares

Word Count: 2,950+

Author’s Note: A holiday fanfic! You know I couldn’t leave you all hanging! I’m excited for this one. I know it deals with a lot more heavy situations, but I wanted to write something angsty/romantic. PLUS, I wrote this in 3 days so I’m sorry if it’s bad lol

I hope I do you justice. Love you all. xxMoni

~

     Bucky Barnes did not like to be touched.

He did not shake hands, he did not hug, he did not do well with even the slightest brush of someone’s body. The faintest of touches froze him. Paralyzed in the faint sensation. Memories of harsh hands and machines, demented laughter and sedated foreplay, echoed through his mind.

The only person he allowed to touch him when necessary was Steve, and even then Bucky had to remind himself that it was his best friend. The size of Steve’s body was not a danger. The command of his voice was for safety only, and not to order him to strip. The friendly claps on the back were meant to ease Bucky into the world, not to bend him over from behind.

Sometimes he believed he was getting better. Mornings were beautiful, food tasted great, and everyone greeted him with a smile. On those special days, Bucky's heart filled with hope. Hope he could sit in close proximity to someone else, hope he could travel outside the compound and not rely on his super soldier skills, hope he could get out of his head for one second.

But when someone entered a room too loudly, or when he was forced to physically fight an enemy—those special days crumbled to ash, now cruel illusions that sent Bucky on a downward spiral. A spiral Steve usually had to coax him out of with gentle words, words that scarily resembled begging.

So Bucky has given up on trying to fit in. On trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel. On trying to feel human again.

And fuck all that bullshit about being human was to feel pain.

Pain was not a good emotion, and it was mean to give it relevance to the human condition.

It wasn’t an emotion every human had to suffer in order to be considered living. It was an emotion that was cruel and unforgiving and completely, completely exhausting.

If Bucky Barnes had to live his life without touch again, then so be it. If he had to step out of a room to calm his nerves with the repetition of his tapping fingers, then so be it. He did not want to feel trapped, or abused, or ridiculed ever again. He did not believe in soft touches or love making anymore.

First, the war stole his boyhood.

Then the Swiss Alps stole his life.

And Hydra stole his dignity.

His time with Hydra had been documented to horrible extremes. Extremes Bucky was certain were going to be plastered on media outlets and history books. But he had discovered one night, while on a solo-mission to the compound’s lounge, that those theories were unlikely.

Because he had found Tony Stark and Natalia Romanov scouring every database and paper trail about his torture… and completely destroying it. With help from Jarvis, Bucky’s recorded nightmares were erased. Washed out. Encrypted, set on fire, and utterly gone.

Neither Tony or Natalia ever spoke to him of it. He assumed Stark was simply avoiding an awkward conversation, and that he didn’t exactly do good with such rough topics. Natalia did write down the number of her therapist for him.

He threw the piece of paper away.

And on nights like these, he really wished he hadn’t.

Bucky curled up in his thin bedsheets and clutched them close, willing his body to stop sweating. He tried to touch his knees to his chest but he was too large. If he could feel pressure there, then he could fall asleep. If there was added pressure to his back, then the sleep would be immaculate.

He turned and piled the pillows high, setting them behind his back. The coldness of the cotton seeped into his skin, instantly relaxing him. He clutched a throw pillow to his chest and pressed it down, counting by even numbers.

Pressure, a sequence, and breathing.

He could tell by the bright white light shining through his curtains that it was still night. No light that bright could be anything but the moon. That was a reassuring constant for him.

“Shall I ring for Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes?” Jarvis whispered over the speakers in Bucky’s room.

Jarvis’s random voice didn’t scare Bucky anymore. At first, it had caused Bucky to spring into a full blown panic attack. But as time went on and Jarvis continued to speak with him randomly, at odd times, Bucky’s body got used to it. Expected it.

“No, Jarvis. I’m good.”

Jarvis hummed, pausing a little before saying, “Let me know if you need anything.”

Bucky didn’t respond. He never took Jarvis up on that offer anyway.

He curled further into his mound of sheets and pillows and shut his eyes, forcing himself into a dreamless sleep.

He succeeded in sleeping, but relived memories twice over in the dark.

~

    “Twenty bucks says you don’t ask her,” Steve declared, pulling his wallet from his coat.

Wanda giggled from behind the kitchen counter, pouring coffee into her impossibly large mug. Pietro saddled up beside her, stealing the mug for himself.

Sam clicked his tongue. “Bet. I’ll do it today after dinner.”

Steve scoffs, “Fuck off. Another twenty says you won’t have the balls to ask until next week.”

Bucky snickered as he looked between his two friends. He sat with his left leg bent so he could rest his chin on his knee, comfortable enough to be casual this morning. He sipped at his hot chocolate, grateful Wanda gave him one of the festive mugs. It was December 1st, after all.

“After dinner,” Sam promised, slapping his own twenty onto the dining table.

Wanda leaned forward and snatched the money for herself. “I’ll keep this bet safe for the time being.”

“You think she’ll say yes?” Bucky asked, overly curious.

Sam asking Natasha to the annual Avengers Christmas ball? Yeah, right.

Sam puffed out his chest, his smile wide. “I’ll bet more money, Barnes. That’s how confident I am.”

Steve rolled his eyes. He finally picked up his fork and dug into his eggs. With his mouth full, he said, “If you think you know Romanoff, you don’t.”

It was Sam’s turn to roll his eyes. “Like I said, Cap. I’m confident about this.”

“Well, I think that’s a good attitude to have,” Pietro commented, sitting down beside Steve with own full plate of eggs and bacon. “And when it all crashes and fails, we get to be the ones to tell you ‘I told you so!’”

Sam flung a piece of bacon across the table, cursing Pietro’s name.

Bucky watched it all unfold, feeling both inside and outside the circle at once. He was a part of the conversation, but he still felt benched. His body would lurch forward on its own accord and try to join in—maybe to thump Pietro on the back of the head, slap Steve on the back, grab a mug of coffee from Wanda’s delicate hands.

It was funny, really. Being afraid of Wanda’s hands because of his own history and not because of the power she held within them.

He was both included, and not. There, and nowhere. Inside his head but forcing himself to step out of it. Dissociating for too long until the conversation was on another topic entirely.

Jarvis’s voice snapped them from their play fighting. “Sergeant Barnes, Sir has asked me to tell you that he would like your opinion on something.”

Bucky grumbled, drinking from his hot chocolate. “What does he want?”

“Oh, that’s the wonder of standing up and finding out for yourself, isn’t it, Sergeant Barnes?”

Sam howled, nearly choking on his last piece of bacon. “Jarvis really is Stark’s creation. Jesus fucking Christ.”

Bucky sighed, having been left with no choice. He placed his half-drunk mug in the sink and waved goodbye to everyone, trying hard not to stomp to Stark’s lab.

~

    Stark was under a massive machine with six arms and blue lasers when Bucky walked into the lab later that afternoon. He had ignored Jarvis’s constant badgering and decided to visit the lab after his morning run. Only after it Bucky was certain he wouldn’t physically fight Stark if what he had to say was idiotic.

“My one and only!”

Bucky rolled his eyes and sat at the farthest chair from the monster machine. “You called?”

“And you diddle-daddled.”

To this, Bucky actually laughs. Sometimes Stark got on his nerves, other times he was a breath of fresh, realist air.

Stark climbed out from underneath the metal monstrosity, wiping oil from his hands. Bucky waited patiently as Stark finally sat, cracking his neck three times before speaking.

“So… The Christmas Ball.”

“Uh huh.”

Stark adjusted his seating, slowly lowering himself in his rolly-chair. Bucky watched him become shorter, awkwardly staring at him and the walls simultaneously. Whatever Stark wanted to talk to him about, it was becoming less interesting to Bucky.

“Pepper has informed me that there is going to be an auction. A, donate thousands of dollars to take me out on a date, type thing.”

Bucky grimaced. “Isn’t that prostitution?”

“No, it’s escorting. Prostitution is the other honorable profession.”

Bucky hummed.

Stark wiped a stressed hand down his face, curling his lips as he continued speaking. “Pepper has also informed me that only Thor is being auctioned for real. Meaning, everyone else isn't actually on the roster. Their dates are going to be the highest bidder regardless of what anyone bids that night.”

Bucky frowned, stumped. “So, we’re denying money from actual bidders and rigging this thing?”

“No. Private donors have already given their fair share of money. We’ve flown past our goal for the evening.”

“Then why have the Ball in the first place?”

“Appearances, photo ops, meeting new people—You name it.”

So Steve and Sam were going to be “sold” to their highest bidder, who will also happen to be their dates for that evening. That nice coffee shop girl Steve has been dating for the past six months was already invited…

That meant she was bidding whatever amount she needed to, regardless of the price, for a date with Steve. Money that was already donated before the damn Ball even started.

Bucky looked to the white, marble floor for answers. But all he saw was his distorted reflection, staring back at him with creeping realization.

“What… What about me?”

Stark sighed, shrugging his shoulders empathetically. “I tried everything, Barnes. But the higher-ups forced us to include you, too.”

Bucky was going to throw up. That ball of nausea that often stuck to the back of his throat was crawling upward, scratching his tongue, begging to be let free. To spill all over this damned marble floor.

He whimpered silently, turning his face to his metal shoulder. His hair covered his anguished expression, but it was pointless to assume Stark hadn’t noticed. Bucky’s neck was already redder than the original color itself.

“Barnes, listen to me.” Bucky tried to follow the direction of Stark’s voice. When he blinked, his vision seemed to get blurrier. “Breathe. Tap those fingers. You remember you got fingers, right?”

Bucky counted to three, then began to tap his index and thumb together. He relished in the feel of his skin, in the lifted edges of his fingerprints, of his filed fingernails. Slowly, the world stopped spinning. The chair didn’t feel like it was caving in anymore. The walls stopped stretching and his ears stopped ringing.

The remnants of his panic attack settled in his chest, pulsing uncomfortably. But he could finally open his eyes long enough and not feel like passing out.

“Good, good. Now if you would just let me finish.”

Bucky huffed a quiet laugh, easily amused by Stark’s sarcasm. It was a surprise how quickly the two fell into step after Bucky moved into the compound, seeking each other out for random answers and opinions. Steve had questioned it, but accepted that if Bucky was alright with it, he wouldn’t budge.

“I spoke with Pepper. You have two options: Let me find you a date who I promise will not leak anything to the press, touch you without permission, or annoy you until you feel like swallowing a bullet.”

Bucky blinked at him, eyebrows scrunching. Stark getting him a date? Bucky didn’t want to date any of Stark’s past flings or strangers he might pull off the streets. The rational part of his brain understands that this person will be vetted and practically stalked, but it’s the irrational side that’s telling him this person might just hurt him. They could convince the world they’re the most innocent thing ever, but when he’s alone with them that mask could easily fall off and reveal eight tentacles and a flaming skull.

“Or,” Stark enunciates, standing from his incredibly low chair. He blew a fast raspberry before saying, “You and Sam attend together, or you and Natasha.”

Okay, that seemed like the better option. He trusts both Sam and Natalia, trusts them to keep their hands to themselves and protect him. Yeah, that was obviously the better choice—

But Sam wanted to ask Natalia. Sam has been wanting to ask her a million things before the Ball was ever a reality. His friend had all this insane amount of exhilarating excitement when he even thought about the red head.

Bucky couldn’t take that away from him. Even if his own comfort was the victim in this situation.

“This… person. Will they be an escort?”

Stark’s eyes widened momentarily before he steadied himself. “Yes, and maybe no. They’ll be the person I believe can be most trusted. Are you okay with the possibility of taking a hooker to the Ball?”

Bucky grunted, “Don’t use that word.”

“It’s the 21st century, Barnes. Hooker means prostitute, prostitute means sex worker, and sex worker has a positive connotation nowadays.”

“Just say escort.”

Stark grumbled beneath his breath, turning to a nearby computer and typing something into the search bar. “Jarvis, make sure this web search is wiped from the center of the earth after I’m done with it.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Tony.” Stark knew that when Bucky used his first name, it was a call to turn around and look him in the eye. So that’s exactly what Stark did. “A sex worker expects sex, don’t they? I’m not giving them that, so how can you expect me to be fine with it?”

Stark tapped his fingers against random keys, deep in thought. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding offensive. Jarvis, help me out. How do I say, ‘You don’t have to fuck the person, you can just pay them,’ kindly?”

“We will be searching for people who have voluntarily enrolled in sex work, Sergeant Barnes. Any meeting you set up with them is consensual. And the beauty of consensual sex work is, without a doubt, the freedom of choice. So think about it like this, Sergeant Barnes: They will not touch you if you do not ask. You are investing time, and they will accept the money without a kiss exchanged if that is what you wanted.”

A companion?

Bucky had only ever had Steve and Sam after he returned to the compound. Only ever hung out with them outside in the real world, too. A random person entering the compound and pretending to be his date seemed a little extreme, no? Like he couldn’t make friends of his own.

But wasn’t that the real reason behind all this? Bucky didn’t have many contacts or love interests to take to this damn Christmas Ball so he was being punished for it. Forced to interact with a stranger and the stranger forced to interact with him.

“I can do a proper search of these websites with Jarvis’s and Hill’s help and get back to you in the morning, okay? Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“I only have to meet them tomorrow and that’s it?”

Stark wobbled a flat hand in the air. “Kind of. Spend one day with them and tell me if you think you can last a whole night with them as your date. I don’t want you to be paired with someone I thought was great but you find repulsive.”

Okay, that was somewhat considerate. But a whole day? At best, Bucky will last a few hours before wanting to run under a hill.

“Okay,” he surrendered.

Stark sighed, “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, Barnes. It’s just… Maybe it’s not the ideal way, but meeting new people isn’t always a bad thing, you know?”

“Oh?” Bucky replied sarcastically.

“Oh. You think I didn’t suffer the same thing? People I knew since birth betrayed me. I’ve got trust issues too, my man.”

“We’re not comparing sad little tales, Stark.”

“Find it in your ice cold heart to be compassionate, Barnes.”

Bucky chuckled, leaning back in his seat. “So, tomorrow then?”

Stark nodded. “I’ll do my best to find you a hot piece of ass.”

“Stark!”

“Sorry! I joke. I kid. I jest.”

Bucky watched Stark toy with his experiments for ten minutes more before bidding him a good rest of his day.

Maybe a companion wouldn’t be so bad. He’d have someone to talk to after all. Text, get coffee with, watch movies with. He could do all those things with Steve and Sam but they were busy. Busy with work, busy with life, busy with everything Bucky avoided for good reason.

And even though his body is physically repulsed by the idea of being in close proximity with an absolute stranger, perhaps someone who was forced to be nice to him wasn’t exactly a lousy idea.

Maybe it was necessary.

~

[twistedroseytoesy]

Hello it's 🎵 anon again! I've discovered songs for the other characters that may or may not fit:

Yuu: Young, Dumb and Broke by Khalid or Gimme Gimme Gimme by ABBA or Money On My Mind by Sam Smith or Hate Me by Nico Collins or Wonderland by Natalia Kills

Grim: Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom by Parry Grip

Crowley: Greedy by Ariana Grande or Money Money Money by ABBA

Crewel: Fashion by Lady Gaga or Fashionista by Jimmy James

Trein: Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty from The Big Bang Theory

Vargas: Physical by Olivia Newton

Sam: Shopkeeper Song from Undertale

Ambrose: Everything Is Not as It Seems by Selena Gomez

Chenya: Twas Brillig from Alice In Wonderland

Neige: Happy by Pharrell Williams or I won't give up by Jason Mraz

The Dwarves: Heigh Ho from Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs

Rollo: I'm Sorry I Couldn't Save You by Xinclair

Riddle's Mom: The Family Jewels by Marina and The Diamonds

Falena: Save Me by Not A Robot ft adrisaurus or Lullaby for A Princess

Cheka: I Just Can't Wait To Be King from Lion King

Rielle: Part Of Your World from Little Mermaid

Jamil's Parents: Robot or Good In Me by Jon Bellion ( I feel like it's Jamil singing this to his parents) or Afton Family by APAngryPiggy

Najma: Hey Bother by Avicii or Surface Pressure from Encanto (second one is more of Jamil to Najma tbh) or You'll Be In My Heart from Tarzan (again more of Jamil to Najma)

Vil's Dad- Superstar by CG5

And that's all for now. Please let me know if these are suitable for the respective characters.

HECK YA! nice to see ya again 🎵 anon! I do have to warn you that I don't really know a lot of the side characters that arent staff, so I might not be able to say if they do or don't fit the character. Sorry about that.

Yuu: Holy heck there are so many! But I guess that makes sense due to Yuu/Mc being a self-insert for many.

The first song is a fun and laid-back kind of beat and lyrics. Fitting for the more relaxed Mc type, happily enjoying the chaos and optimistic about the future despite any troubles.

The second song is a fun beat and song. Not really sure how to categorize this one though. Fun and good song!

Third song is really sweet, a nice beat and song with kind lyrics, this is for the Mc's that are out there to help the students of NRC, but struggle due to the financial stuff Crowley puts on them. Amazing choice!

Fourth song gives the vibes of an Mc that is in love with these toxic villains that go to this school. they're down bad despite how cruel some can be.

The last song is very fitting for the whole premise of the Twisted wonderland, using different fairy tales to call out to those they are in love with. Cool song, but didn't like the video due to its erotic nature but I could just ignore that and focus on the lyrics and music.

Grim: Roblox war flashbacks really cute song, but not much I can do with this song for Grim. A cute and fun song so thanks!

Crowley: The first song doesn't really fit him due to the fact that he would never admit that he's greedy. That's the opposite of how generous he always is! good idea but not quite.

The second song has an amazing melody right off the bat! this song is definitely fitting, could change the focus from getting a man with a lot of money to them doing better than RSA. Amazing fit, but I don't plan on writing it out. Good choice!

Crewel: The first song is a bit too intense for how he works in my head. Also, the second language that is used in the song would be hard to work with.

Second song is a lot more fitting of his personality. His commands and the way he talks to his students. PErfect fit for the fashionista teacher.

Trein: hehehe! what a cute and wholesome song for the grumpy old man. Can definitely see him singing this to Lucius when he thinks he's alone in his classroom. heck yes.

Vargas: Wow... It's a good song for him, I would just have to change a lot of the lyrics to make it more family-friendly. I like the energy just way too many innuendos.

Sam: Love this tranquil song, but there are no lyrics to change or song to write, it's great, but not quite fitting. Besides, I think the song he's got already is perfect.

Ambrose: I don't know this character, or any of the side characters much, but this song doesn't really fit his joyous attitude and kindness. Honestly think this song fits Crowley more than Ambrose. Also, A song that I think would be more fitting is "Higitus Figitus" or "that's what makes the world go around".

Chenya: Very fitting to have the Cheshire cat person sing the Cheshire cat song. Apparently, it's a part of a different song/poem, the Jabberwocky. So I might have him singing it and the mc coming into those specific lyrics. very good choice.

Neige: Both of these songs are so good for the ball of pureness that is Neige, the first song gets everyone dancing and will bring a smile to many. While the second song brings a bittersweetness that moves many to smile at times they've had in the past and to look forward to more times of joy in the future. They're perfect for him.

The Dwarves: Of course we have the little dwarves singing the original dwarves' song in the mines. Not much to say or change with this one, just perfect.

Rollo: New character I know nothing about since I try to avoid spoilers. Strange song and has fairly self deprecating vibes. Not sure if this fits him or not. not willing to look at spoilers for now over it anyway. interesting choice, I cant say much about it due to ignorance of the character.

Riddle's Mom: This woman fucking sucks. the song is amazing and shows a side to Riddle that he probably has buried to try and keep the tense peace between himself and his mother. The song shows that he's better than the things his mom demanded of him, that he's better because he strayed. He's made friends, he's happier and he's more beautiful being imperfect than the gemstones the mother expected him to be. Not going to write it since its so perfect.

Falena: So this is the brother of Leona, the king of the sunset Savana. The first song is deep and shows that Falena was aware of Leona's struggle and tried to help. The second song had an amazing MLP animatic that tugs at the heartstrings. Not fitting for the lion brothers but a song of love and heartbreak. I think the first song fits better.

Cheka: Fun childish song of carefreeness for the bundle of joy that is Cheka! also fitting for him to sing his Disney counterparts' songs. Another I wouldn't write due to not knowing him well enough.

Rielle: Apparently he's the twisted version of Ariel from the little mermaid. So that's cool! classic singing of the original characters' song. The longing to see another world, to learn something new and try something different. seems fitting for this excitable prince.

Jamil's Parents: Dang, that Robot song is very deep into the issue Jamil always had with his servitude. He blames his parents and Kalim for his upbringing, having to hold himself back, to seem lesser because he was just a servant just someone inconsequential and only there to help others. This could be an inner soul song for him.

The second song shows just how much Jamil hates that the things he was good at had to be restrained, that he had to hold himself back and never speak his mind. Another build-up to his eventual overblot.

the third song was awesome, but not very fitting to the story for Jamil. Good song and it had an awesome animation too.

Najma: the brother song is sweet but doesn't really capture the banter and the snarky remarks we see between the two, this is that deep familial love that we don't get to see much of due to how Jamil works.

Second song of surface pressure is pretty fitting for how hard Jamil works and puts on himself. During the festival we see how much Najma cares, despite the teasing, she doesn't push him or demand much. She listens and supports her brother. Probably what kept him sane when he worked as a servant for all those years.

The last song is again a bit too sappy for the two vipers, but The sentiment is sweet and they do care for each other in a passive-aggressive (at times) way.

Vil's Dad: Never seen this character, I think. So I don't know if this song fits or not. But if he's proud of what his boy can do, despite some not-so-savory things to others. Then ya that song fits him well.

[vintage-marina]

Why didn't you? Drukkari x blackwidow!reader

Pt. 2

ANGST!

Okay i didn't got the time to watch Eternals but i had an idea in my head that I can't get out. Basically Druig, Makkari and you are in a relationship, after you met their family and they told you what they were and what their purpose is, you can't help but to be bitter.

This is an black widow!reader be warned for the following trigger/content warnings: The red room, swearing, death, grief

wordcount: 999 words

Tensed.

That was the only word anyone could describe about you. You sat between Druig and Makkari, you could feel their eyes drilling on you. Your smile was turned into a frown.

Silence.

Their whole family went silent after you asked Ikaris what he meant.

''What do you mean by that?'' Coldness rolled out of your tongue, a hollowness found your body that you gladly welcomed again after it lost his way when you were rescued out of the Red Room and your eyes lost the dimmed sparkle. Out of the corners of your eyes you saw that Druig and Makkari were looking at each other in worry.

A small grin formed on his face, but Sersi looked at her lover with a hint of disapointment.

The realisation hit you after a few seconds, you didn't know you were tensed up until Makkari softened the frown on your face and Druig laid a hand on you shoulder.

''Don't touch me,'' you spoke and signed. Somewhere in the distance it sounded like a warning, a faint call to do not do it again or harm will come to you.

''My love,''

''My sweet, sweet Y/N.''

They began whispering your nicknames, trying to avert a fight. But it was hurt that you felt, anger, grief, sadness and betrayal. You couldn't hold it in anymore, no human can.

How could they betray you like that? Your lovers, how could they do that?

You stared at the carpet of someone's house, that you couldn't remember the name. Druig and Makkari's sussing fell on deaf ears.

They called themselves the Eternals, were around 7000 years old, had powers. Powers to let the world flourish, to stop harm, to stop meaningless wars and to stop the Red Room, Hydra and Thanos. They had all the resources, they could have done it. But why didn't they do it? Did they wanted it to happen?

Lowly you spoke after regaining your voice.

''Why?''

''What why, Y/N?'' It was Druig who said it, while Makkari took your balled fist, preyed it open and gave a little kiss on the knuckles on your hand.

You closed your eyes for a few seconds only to be met with the green lively eyes of Natasha.

A wave of grief crashes over you, you were sure Druig could feel/hear or how the fuck it would work your emotions. You opened your E/C eyes and were met with watery eyes.

Druig and Makkari wanted to see your face, what was going on in your mind, why you were acting so odd. But you didn't budge, you shutted yourself out, from them from the other Eternals. A coping mechanism that you quickly learned in the Red Room.

"What she meant is why we wouldn't do anything, is that right?''

You tilted your face to the right to see the face of the voice, it was Phastos. You hummed in agreement.

A soft oh escaped the lips of the Eternals.

''It's because we were told to not to intervere, Y/N.'' It was Makkari who explained it to you, but you didn't want to hear it.

''Stop,'' you signed to her. ''I don't want to hear any of this.''

Your gaze fell on Druig and the rest of their family, well 'family' Druig wouldn't call them family.

''All of you- '' your voice cracked and you snatched out your hand out of Makkari's to wipe away a stray tear. ''All of you had a choice to help the people on my planet and you didn't.'' You took a shaky breath. ''You didn't and now they are dead, because of you.''

The Eternals erupted into a defensive roar, trying to apologise, to give excuses for what they did. A flash of hot white clouded your vision and you let your tears freely fall.

What they did was inhumane, cruel. They could have saved you, saved your childhood, saved your innocence, saved your Natalia.

Your heart was broken in millions ways that even Druig and Makkari couldn't fix, maybe not even you.

Natasha, the brave, brave Natasha, your sister. Only her you could think about. Flashes of Yelena, Natasha, you, mama and papa were running through.

''Yelena, Natalia-sha help! Help!'' A cry for help came out of your mouth after papa decided to pester you. He tickled your sides while you were kicking him to let you go. A few seconds went by and Natasha flew on papa's back while Yelena poked in his rib. Your hysteric laughing ebbed away and quickly you runned to mama.

Clank!

The wooden swords were clanking against eachother. You three were in the backyard playing pirate.

'"Watch out because I, the most feared pirate in the whole world is going to destroy the both of you!'' Natasha's green eyes widend to gave her character some flair. You side eyed Yelena, a silence agreement to take the most feared pirate down.

''You're going down pirate!''

Both you and Yelena runned to Natasha to tackle her.

You three pushed your head against eachother, in the background you could hear sirencs and the engines of cars.

''You should go away, they are looking for me.'' Natasha spoke to you two in Russian. You already knew who she was talking about. The four of you flew away in a helicopter and you saw that Natasha was arrested by some man called Ross.

''You killed her,'' you swung your arms around. ''You killed her,'' your voice was raw. ''And now she's dead.''

A soft who, you could hear.

Makkari and Druig pushed you slowly to the couch and kneeled before you both cupping a cheek.

''Who Y/N?'' They ignored your insults, knowing that they came out of a dark place. A place that you hid them away from.

''If you can't talk it's okay, you can show me.'' His Irish accent was filled with desperation.

''No, don't. I don't want to be mind controlled again, ever.''

Exhaustion.

Mentally and psychical you felt exhausted.

Makkari read your lips and stroked your cheek signing that it would be okay. Worry streamed through her veins and she took Druig's hand to calm herself. It looked like Druig needed it too.

''My sister,'' you said in a low whisper.

[ihatecoconut]

No Longer Me

Cross posted to AO3

Natalia Romanova is eight years old and ‘the best the Red Room has ever seen’ when she’s pulled out of one lesson by some handlers she’s never interacted with before. They say nothing but her name, take her away from the training rooms, still dressed in her ballet gear, and down the long twisting corridors to Dreykov’s office. She’s been in the Red Room long enough to know the punishments for showing fear, but still her heart speeds up as they open the doors, usher her in and point to a chair.

There’s a second chair across from his desk as well and there’s a small blonde girl sitting in it, maybe the same age as Natalia herself when she was first brought into the Red Room. She sits next to the girl- toddler, really- and sits up straight, keeping her posture; they only could have brought her in here as a punishment and she isn’t going to give them a reason to extend that. The blonde girl shifts a little in her seat as they wait and Natalia wonders if they’re going to make her kill her, she knows how she’d do it, the girl’s face is still small enough that she could be smothered by one hand over the mouth and nose, holding her down with the other hand.

Dreykov enters and she rises instinctively, feeling the other girl copy her just a beat too late. His mouth twists up a little at that and neither of them get praised as he sits at his desk. Natalia keeps her eyes on the floor obediently and yet she can still feel him looking over her body, over the way the leotard hugs the figure that has not developed yet.

“Natalia.” He says, she can hear the proud smile in his voice and lets herself relax slightly. This isn’t a punishment.

“Yes, sir.”

“This is Yelena Belova.”

She turns to look at the girl who is already looking back up at her, bright blue eyes and blonde hair and the remnants of baby fat still on her cheeks. Natalia imagines the way her cheeks would feel soft under her own hard hands.

“The two of you have been assigned to a mission.” Dreykov continues, leaning forwards until she looks up at him. “Exciting, hmm?” He has switched to English.

“Yes, sir.” She repeats, uncertain. This is a new situation and too often new situations have meant pain and punishment, no matter how proud he seems.

Dreykov gestures with one hand and she is given a manilla folder. A brief for the mission. She curls her fingers around it like it is the most precious thing in the world. Most Widows don’t get to leave the Red Room until they have completed their training at least once, if not twice, to be able to leave at eight years old is a privilege she hadn’t dared even imagine.

“Yelena is to be your sister,” He continues, eyes fixed on her face. She schools her expression, scared that he can read her thoughts, “you will read that in the brief, and the fact that you will be a part of an all-American family.”

She doesn’t dare open it in front of him, but her fingers itch to comb through the details.

“Your handlers here will make sure you actually look like sisters. Blonde hair.”

Her red hair is the one thing that she herself owns, the one thing that nobody else shares or can take away from her. It makes her stand out in the Red Room; it makes the handlers favour her. It makes her who she is. She can’t argue.

“You will meet your new parents shortly,” Dreykov adds, turning away, “the Iron Maiden and the Red Guardian, hm?”

Her heart freezes in her chest. None of the girls in the Red Room have ever met or seen the Red Guardian, but the Iron Maiden is a regular guest- whenever she comes to report to Dreykov, she stops by the training rooms and watches them. In a world where every adult would as soon kill her as praise her, the Iron Maiden is what Natalia is most scared of, she represents everything that Natalia doesn’t want to become. Hard, cold, attuned to everyone’s movements, paranoid and yet unquestioning, the perfect spy.

“Yes, sir.”

He raises his chin, surveying them both. “Remember, she’s your sister now.”

And that’s it, they’re dismissed. Yelena blinks up at her, still too young to properly understand what his tone means, and Natalia runs Dreykov’s parting words through her head as they are escorted out. Sisters. How do sisters act?

“Take her hand.” One of the handlers orders as they make their way back down the corridors to what could generously be described as a salon.

Natalia switches the hand that is holding the file and hold it out for Yelena to take. She does, with what would be a concerning amount of enthusiasm to anyone else. The handlers punish any physical contact for the first few years, even before they start training, starving them all of human contact, and then use that to reward them with hands on shoulders, on elbows. The warmth of the little girl’s hand sends shocks up Natalia’s arm, unexpected enough that she nearly yanks her hand back; they’re being watched, however, and so she forces herself to relax and keep walking.

 The Iron Maiden herself appears while Natalia’s hair is being bleached. She has been reading the file to distract herself from how there are hands near her throat, in vulnerable places, and reading parts aloud to Yelena, the bits that she will hopefully understand.

“Natasha.” Melina Vostokoff says, watching her.

Natalia- now Natasha, an American name- cannot rise to meet her as she feels obliged to do, so she just keeps her eyes down, respectfully.

Melina sighs, “Look at me.”

She brings her gaze up instantly, moving her head fast enough that one of those bleaching her hair yanks on it.

“Hello.” Melina crouches down in front of her, smiles warmly, but Natasha can see the utter lack of emotions in her eyes, the blankness created by the Red Room. “I’m your mother now.”

Yelena, who has not been given a new name, beams at this, hopping off her chair and coming over to hug Melina. Natasha watches the same reaction she herself had experienced not long ago, the desire to shake off the girl’s unexpected warmth, the touch that has not been earned by killing another girl.

“How long will this take?” Melina asks, rising and allowing Yelena to continue clinging onto her legs.

“Another hour, maybe.” The handlers continue to speak in Russian, even as their newly minted family practices their English.

“Alright. Send them to me when you have finished. We need to pick out clothing.”

She places Yelena on Natasha’s lap, ignoring the way that Natasha instinctively flinches away and leaves. Natasha takes note of her outfit as she does- jeans and a t-shirt- in the way they have been trained to. It’s one to fit in, not stand out, not the sort of mission outfit a Widow would normally wear. She looks down at her own ballet clothes- practical, the same grey as their normal uniforms, the same one that Yelena is wearing.

Jeans. She flexes her legs and wonders what they will look like when not wearing clothes designed to show them off.

Yelena snuggles deeper into her lap and she lets her, wrapping her arms around the girl and looking again at the file. The same line as before jumps out at her: Long-term mission. Minimum two years. Maximum six years. Six years away from the Red Room might just render her useless to them, would strip her of all the skills they had taught her and leave her a normal fourteen-year-old. She shut her eyes and hoped.

 There are locks of red left on the floor when they’re done with her hair from where they cut it first and she wants to pick on up, keep it in her fist and remind herself that she isn’t the all-American girl they’ve made her out to be, that even if six years do pass, she will still be the same little girl who killed other little girls to survive. Yelena beams when they are stood, side by side, in front of the mirror and compared. They do look like sisters, now, Dreykov was cruel and frightening but he knew how to use them.

Melina greets them in the hanger. She’s standing in the middle of several boxes, more have been loaded onto the small plane that will be taking them to Cuba to catch their final flight over to America, Ohio, but these ones are open, and Natasha can see clothes in them. Each one is labelled: Pastels, Darks, Denim etc.

She’s still holding Yelena’s hand when they approach and Melina smiles approvingly.

“Come, pick some clothes.” Her Russian accent has all but vanished in the time since they last saw her.

Natasha picks out clothes that fit the brief she has been given, mostly jeans with some bright t-shirts and outer layers. Yelena tries to take all of the clothes and in the end, Melina and Natasha end up picking most of her clothes out of the pastels box. Natasha can see that Melina has completely forgotten what it is like to be a child as young as Yelena, to have that innocence- she hasn’t been one of them for too long, hasn’t been constantly faced by the newer recruits, watching the handlers break their spirits slowly and then all at once until they too follow orders like a robot, fire rounds into the centre of the target.

Alexei joins them then, tall and smiling, a man who did not have his childhood stolen by a man that treats them as tools. His is brunet, but light enough that it is not unthinkable that he would have blonde daughters, briefly Natasha wonders how much thought was put into creating their fake little family. He produces documents for them all, passports, birth certificates, a marriage certificate for him and Melina- for Alex and Melissa Spier.

“Spider!” Alexei laughs when he tells them their new surname and Natasha and Melina both smile back, even if neither of them find it that funny. It’s Dreykov again, another reminder that no matter how far physically they are, they will never escape the Red Room.

He seems to notice their hesitation because he puts the documentation away again and opens his arms for a hug. Yelena runs to him immediately, allowing him to pick her up and calls him ‘Papa’ without any hesitation, he laughs at that, switches her to one arm and opens the other to Natasha. She walks forwards, she knows what is expected of her and allows him to wrap her up.

“Don’t tense so much.” Melina says, frowning slightly behind her and Natasha tries to forcibly relax her body. It doesn’t work.

“It is fine,” Alexei says, releasing her, “you will get used to it.”

And then it’s Melina’s turn. This was their last chance to be pulled off and she realises, as Melina leans in to kiss her new husband that she passed whatever test this was because they didn’t pull her off, didn’t find another girl who wasn’t yet afraid of contact.

Yelena laughs at the noise they make when they separate and for a moment, Natasha allows herself to believe that this could be real. And then a handler approaches with two syringes and Natasha breathes out. Even while the charade is up, the rules still apply. Every Widow sedated on entry and exit.

“Set a good example for your sister.” Melina murmurs to her and Natasha drops her shoulders, smiles calmly up at Yelena and doesn’t stop, even when they push the needle into her neck. She thinks Yelena might have screamed, but the drug starts working immediately.

 When she wakes, it’s in a car, late at night and Melina turns around to smile at her.

“Welcome to America.”

As if on cue, they pass a sign welcoming them to Ohio and Natasha allows herself to breathe. They made it, all the way, and without anyone calling them back, locking her back up. She has a sudden desire to throw the door open, roll out of the car and run and run and run.

“The child locks are on.” Melina tells her, still turned around, dark eyes watching her, unreadable. “And you still have a tracker.”

Of course, Dreykov’s best agents know what she thinks, how she thinks and of course they prepared for that. Hatred burns through her, even as she returns Melina’s calm smile.

 The house they’re staying in is already furnished, agents have been posing as moving companies over the past week to prepare it for them. Two bedroom, two bathroom, kitchen, dining room, living room, and a small storage room that they will be keeping anything that could blow their cover. Yelena is yawning when they arrive, already tired despite the long period of unconsciousness and Alexei carries her into the house, waving at the few neighbours that are still awake and peering out at them curiously. Natasha follows, keeping close to him and slips into the other bed in their shared room.

Yelena is young enough that she will forget all she ever knew of the Red Room, memories fading until they only come up in bad dreams that she cannot understand, and Natasha suddenly hates her for it, hates that she will be happy here in Ohio while all Natasha herself will ever be able to think of is the fact that the Red Room will take them back one day, without warning, without mercy. She watches the blonde girl, sleeping happily in the new bed and turns away. She can’t sleep, something’s wrong.

“Put your arm up.” Melina’s voice says from the doorway.

Natasha sits up, fast, irritated that she hadn’t noticed the movement.

“Put your arm over the headboard.” It’s an order and her body knows how to respond to those.

She lies back down and raises her hand, hooking the wrist over the edge of the headboard and a feeling a rightness comes over her in waves, along with the sleepiness that has been kept at the edges by her unhappiness. There’s no handcuff holding her arm there, but this is how she sleeps, how she has always slept for as long as she can remember.

“Thank you.”

“Goodnight, Natasha.”

She pillows her head on her upper arm and shuts her eyes. “Goodnight, ma’am… mom.”

Melina sighs from the doorway, but she doesn’t sound annoyed, just tired. “We’ll get there.”

Sleep is already taking Natasha, the day’s travelling too much for her small body, but she hears the words and cannot help but wish that they could stay there.

[heart-of-flames]

If you don’t mind me asking, how would the RO react if the MC died or was severely injured

Aeleanor/Aeson: Death was an old friend. It had to be with beings that have lived as long as he had. It was an inevitable end to even the strongest of souls... but why did it have to be you? Why did it have to be the one person that meant more than breathing to him? Why did his old friend betray him in such a way? An old friend becoming an enemy that he would never not hold a grudge against. 

Elaria/Ezra: Choked sobs threatened to escape her throat. The pained gasps being the only thing that abated them. Tears flowing down her fair cheeks like twin rivers. Her mind couldn’t comprehend that you were gone. That she wouldn’t see you again. That the feeling of warmth and safety that always wrapped around her was gone. That it would never return. All she had were the memories and her tears. 

Catherine/Caleb: His face was buried in his hands. His body quaking with suppressed grief as images of you flash through his mind. He didn’t understand how you were gone. How you were there one moment and gone the next. Couldn’t understand that he would never see your smile or hear your laugh again. He didn’t understand how the world could be so cruel to tear you away from him.

Lydia/Luca: Silent tears fell from deep blue eyes. Rolling down her fair cheeks in an endless stream. Not a sound escaping her full lips as she stared at the nothingness before her. What had once been filled with memories of you both, now lay shattered on the ground. The remnants of her surroundings reminding her of her heart. The jagged edges of the glass would never be able to piece themselves back together. Nor would she.

Samara/Silas: “It has to be a joke,” he chokes out as he rocks himself back and forth. His hands buried in his hair as he cradled his face. Tears flowing from his eyes like a river. A normally jovial face stricken with grief and anguish. His darkened honey-brown eyes staring up towards the ceiling. A broken voice escaping from normally smiling lips. “I wouldn’t even be mad if it was a joke. I wouldn’t laugh but I wouldn’t be mad.” He lowers his head into his hands once more. “Please. Let it be a joke.”

Milena/Maven: A stony silence settles over her world as she stares at the wall in front of her. Silver eyes shining like steel daggers as they cut through the darkness. The slightly-ajar window blowing a soft breeze through the wind. Causing the scarf on the back of her chair to flutter. Her gaze zeroing in on it-- memories of her giving it to you flashing through her mind. Her mouth pressing itself into a thin line. Her entire being trying to stop the tidal wave of grief that was threatening to drown her. The faint smell of you that flowed with the breeze undid it all. Her tears and sobs escaping her just as you had. As silent and unobtainable as the wind rustling throughout the room. 

Natalia/Nikolas: Pale fingers run through raven-black locks. Trembling with the force of his breathing. Silent tears from his eyes as he stares at the ground. “My beautiful songbird,” he murmurs brokenly-- aware of the crushing silence that surrounded him. “How can this be? How can I be in a world without your beautiful songs? Without your beautiful smile to keep me going? How can I be in a world without you?”

Lauren: The words of the documents spread out across her desk start to blur. Clear, concise notes becoming muddled as her tears return to her. Pain flaring through her chest as she flung herself back. The whiskey brown of her eyes shimmering in the dim light of her office. A choked sob erupting from her throat as she turned away from her report. Trembling hands rising up to her mouth to stem the oncoming sounds of her anguish. She had to complete her work. No one but her could do it. She wouldn’t allow anyone else to do it. She had to say goodbye to you one last time. 

Faolan: A mournful howl erupted from Faolan’s lips. His crimson gaze locked with the moon. Tears running down his face as he stared at the sight that you used to fill him with such joy. “How could you take them away?” He cried with agony interlaced within his tone. “How could you take my moon away? How could you leave me in a world without their light? Why?”

Aidan: His jaw clenches as he tries to control the trembling of his body. Sharp breaths escaping from his noses as he does so. He could feel the tears that were already starting to form. His entire resolve to stay composed failing as yet another memory of your surfaces within his mind. Your smiling face causing his heart to break in two. “Why did you have to be such a dumbass?”

[georgesbestieboo]

Confessions Pt 1.

Hello my loves! few things before we get started! 

The pairing you will read here is an original character of mine with Bucky. She is the biological sister of our beloved Natasha Romanoff, was also put in the red room but later than Nat since she is a couple years younger. Also, the timeline is the comic timeline just to make it a bit more interesting, meaning, Natasha was born in 1928 and Calina, (My OC) was born in 1934 but since the Widows carry their age VERY well Nat will remain the age she appears in the movies and Calina will appear to be 26. 

Summary- Bucky and Calina have reunited years after they were the red room lovers, can they become lovers once more or will fear get in the way? 

Warnings- A bit about self doubt/disliking body, mentions of torture nothing explicit though, slight swearing, possible spelling and grammar errors (I did check but there are always those things that slip past you) 

Calina was not one to party, she would rather spend her Friday nights curled up in her bay window, a fuzzy blanket draped across her lap, a good book clutched tightly in her hands and a warm cup of chamomile tea steaming on her night table. But no. Being an Avenger meant getting dragged to all the famed, insane, and overwhelming parties of Tony Stark and to be honest she hated them. The earsplitting music, the drunk, sweaty bodies pressed together, the...the people, it scared her shitless. Alas, here she was getting dragged to the mall with her best friend and sister Natasha Romanoff in search of a party dress.   

“Come on! It’ll be fun!” The redhead promised, pouting her lip as she held open the department store door. 

“I don’t know Nat…” Calina trailed off eyeing the endless racks of sparkly dresses that certainly were not her. “You know this isn’t, me” The assassin’s eyes just about bugged out her head as she pulled a dress with such a plunged neck seeming like it was barely attached. Natasha instantly swatted the thin material away, taking her hand as she led her towards the back. 

“It used to be though,” She winked “Remember those days, Lina? Partying till dawn, drinking so much we’d see the stars, and-oh!” A short but joyous laugh escaped both lips as they thought about the nights they had spent after they had eventually both escaped the Red Room. 

Calina’s laughter soon died out and her face became serious, “Yes, but, that was then. This, this is now” 

“Oh don’t be such a sourpuss” 

“I am not a sourpuss, ew you sound like Alexi” 

Natasha shuddered. 

***

“Absolutely not” Calina declared the second she slipped the dress over her body. 

“Oh come on!” Nat sighed from the corner of the fitting room. They had been at this for almost 2 hours, every dress tried on ending up on the same, ever-growing pile of fabric on the floor. “This one looks good!” 

Calina shook her head hearing none of it. “Nope, nope, nope. It’s too…” Her fingers slid across the scratch rime stones. “Glittery” 

“Glitter is nice though!” 

“And it’s so…” Her eyes trailed over her exposed figure in the mirror, her hands coming up to cover the neckline dip that reached her stomach. “Low” 

“And that’s hot, so I don’t see the problem” 

Turning to face her sister Calina crossed her arms, “Why can’t I just wear one of your dresses?” She whined “You have like, a million” 

Natasha stood, scoffing. “One, you never wear a dress twice, and two, we need a dress that hugs your beautiful curves perfectly,” She pretended to make an hourglass outline of Calina’s body with her hands, the spy rolled her eyes. “I wanna make Barnes drool when he sees you” 

Ah, the truth comes out. 

“I knew that’s what you were trying to do!” Calina yelled, pumping her fist back. “I knew there was an ulterior motive!” The older woman smiled shyly, 

“You got me, but hey! In my defense you and Barnes flirting with each other all the time and neither of you doing anything is annoying, I just wanna give you two a small push” 

“We do not flirt all the time” 

“Yeah, yeah you do” 

“Молчи” Slipping out of the uncomfortable dress and breathing a sigh of relief she couldn’t help but groan, her eyes taking in all of the discarded clothes. “This isn’t going to work, Natalia, I look horrid in all of these” She squeezed her stomach as she stood before the mirror in her bra and underwear, her fingers pinching away at her skin, wishing it hugged her body tighter. Natasha’s heart clenched as she watched her sister doubt herself, something she had hated The Red Room for taking the idea of beauty from her mind. They had taught her that she would never be pretty, that she would never be enough, that she could never be loved. What hurt, even more, was knowing that her beloved sister still was haunted by those teachings. Those words constantly hiding in the shadows, waiting for a crack in her walls just to seep in and poison her mind. She slowly approached her sister, carefully pulling her hands away from her stomach and holding them tight.

“You are beautiful,” She whispered “Inside and out. Don’t let them control your head” Handing her the last dress they had left to try on she gave a small smile “Just try this last one on and if it doesn’t work, then I won’t make you go” 

“Fine” Slowly taking the dress from her sister’s hands she began to step into it, the silky material sliding snuggly up her body as she wriggled her hands through the thin straps. She heard Natasha gasp but she couldn’t bring herself to look in the mirror. 

“Look up младшая сестра, you look beautiful. This is the one” 

“Are you sure?” 

The woman chuckled, “Yes now hurry up and look” 

So she did. 

And my god did her heart flutter. 

She actually looked pretty. 

The dress was a deep sapphire blue, with cross material over her chest showing a bit of her stomach. The neckline dipped just enough to show the curve of her breasts but not too much as to make her uncomfortable. The dress was satin and tight, the shiny material clinging to each and every curve making her actually like her body for the time being. It stopped about mid-thigh a bit shorter than she preferred but everything else was perfect so she could let it slide for one night.

 “I like it” Her eyes were bright with excitement, something her sister had not seen in her the other in a while. “I think James will like it too” She added sheepishly attempting to hide the heat that went to her cheeks.

 “Ha! I knew it! You still like him!” Nat danced around the small dressing room triumphantly.

 “Okay, okay, don’t make such a big deal about it” Calina huffed. “Of course I still like him” Her mind wandered to the first time she had met Bucky, long ago in the Red Room, the soldier teaching her many ways to kill. Romantic, I know. But it was more than that, at the time he was The Winter Soldier, yes but he had a soft spot for the ballerina. Disobeying his strict orders to sneak in and see her during the night, spending it under the moon talking about everything and anything, sharing light kisses. It didn’t last long though, soon the authorities found out, ripping her soldier from her grasp. As the years went on she never forgot about the handsome, yet the broken man she met once upon a time. They didn’t meet again until the day on the bridge where he attacked everyone but her to find out later that he had recognized her instantly giving Hydra a run for its money as he tried to get back to her. 

Once they were reunited she knew she had her James back. While the road to trust and recovery was rough, she was by his side the entire time, holding his hand as they walked back from hell, getting through their ongoing trauma together. Calina’s feeling resurfaced, and the team knew his did too, but for two of the world, greatest trained assassins they were completely oblivious. 

“No shit” Natasha smirked, pulling Calina from her thoughts. “Now, let’s go max Tony’s credit card with this dress and then get finish getting ready at the tower. Sound good?” 

Finishing getting back into her street clothes that consisted of her over-sized jeans a sweatshirt of Bucky’s she had stolen months ago. Taking her sister’s outstretched hand a smile tugged at her lips. “Sounds good” 

***

Bucky groaned as a knock echoed throughout this floor. Shuffling to open it he was met by Sam who had a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. “I know something you don’t” He sung, pushing past the super soldier and plopping himself down in his living room. 

“I don’t remember inviting you in” Bucky deadpanned, holding his face in his hands. 

“-I just ran into Nat and Calina downstairs” 

“Cool do you want a metal?”  “Will you let me finish?! Goddamn” Sam snapped “Anyways, they’re getting ready for the party tonight. Keyword their, more than one, meaning Calina is actually attending tonight” 

Okay, that caught Buckys attention. “Lina’s coming? She never comes to the party’s?” He would know. Every time Tony threw a party, Bucky would always bring her up a plate of food, staying with her for dinner but eventually getting dragged back down to mingle by Steve even though he wanted nothing more than to stay with the girl. 

“I know, crazy right? You should totally make your move tonight, man!” The Sergeant glared at Sam. 

“Why would I do that?”

“You flirt with her all the time. You’re always touching her. You follow the woman around like a lost puppy-”

“Do not”

“-You guys have such strong chemistry anyone in the world could see it and-and! Not to mention, you guys dated before, right, in the Red Room?” 

He grit his teeth at the mention of that cruel place, thinking back to the torture they had to endure. “I’m not sure if you could call it dating, we didn’t do dating in the Red Room.”

 “But you loved her then?” 

“Of course I did” He sighed, running a tired hand through his unruly hair. Calina Romanova was his light, his steady, constant shining star. The person he fought for, the reason he even lasted as long as he did, the reason he never gave up because after all the memory wiping sessions, her smile was always in the back of his mind.

While he had forgotten everything, even himself, he never forgot the time they spent together, hoping, praying, he could hear her laugh one more time. And after 36 years, he finally could.The weight of all he had done lessened as she ran to him just before Steve had reached his apartment, he remembered it like it was yesterday.

 **Flashback**

She stood in his kitchen, the Widow suit he knew oh so well clinging to her skin as her fingers skimmed over his dusty table. “Hello James” She had whispered, her familiar accented voice standing up the hairs on his back. She stood to face him, her bright blue eyes boring into his as she smiled softly. “I’m not here to hurt you. You and I were...friends long ago I-I’m not sure if you remember me but-” 

He couldn’t believe it 

“Солнышко” The nickname he had not used in so long rolled off his tongue like he used it every day since they last parted. He couldn’t help but grin as the girl who danced around his dreams stood before him. Slowly, he approached her, his right arm reaching out to cup her face as if to check if she really was here and not just one of Hydra’s evil tricks. “Is it really you?” A tear slipped down her cheeks as a laugh bubbled throughout her chest. “You remember me” Bucky pulled her to his chest, the woman instantly responding by wrapping her arms around his torso tightly, afraid to ever let go. They held onto each other as if the world around them was crumbling down, after all these years they were finally able to hold one another again, tears stung in both of their eyes as they crushed each other into the embrace. “Of course I remember you, Calina” He murmured into her hair, breathing in the scent of Cherry Blossoms and crisp fall nights he had oh longed for. “I’ve missed you” He admitted.

“And I, you”

Then of course Steve Rogers had to burst in with the whole German Special Services on his ass, but ever since then, she hasn’t left his side. His soulmate was placed back into his life.

 **Flashback ended** 

 “Yo, Buck, you still with me” The man shook his head, attempting to shake away the memory seeping to the front of his mind. 

“Yeah, sorry” 

“It’s good, but you really should talk to Cal, its getting annoying watching you two make goo-goo eyes at each other and not do anything about it. So either you say something or I will” He warned, waving a finger as he dramatically excited the floor. “Oh, and you might wanna start getting ready!” He called from outside the door. Bucky rolled him but made his way to the dark blue suit he had laid out days before. 

“Here goes nothing”

~~Translations~~

Молчи- Shut up

младшая сестра- Younger sister

Солнышко- My sun

A/N Okay! I think that went well, let me know what you think and leave a heart if you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for reading, part two should be up soon but I’m on Vacation, although I will try my best to update quickly. feel free to leave recomondations! Lots of love and know I’m so proud of you! 

~Celeste 

[wishbonehearts]

( embarrassingly late ) tag dump pt. 2 !!

[fearixfox]

jxjdskdnsk the gambling one shot you made was so cute! it reminded me of my mc sm. and cause of that can i request mammon with an mc whos parents regulate some of the biggest casinos? and mc is the next hier to a powerful mafia? pretty please :D

I had a lot of fun with this one and I’m sorry it took so long! It was a lot shorter but it just kept building so it took a while. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLde0UQUs-l0KJ29TSCYYGjcrrGBkOjR7P  This is a playlist that I used for some scenes. Thank you for the ask <3

“Wanna go?” You tease as you poke Mammon’s cheek.  “I mean, I-” He lets out a sigh. “I should go to keep an eye on you. I am your first anyway.” “First pact,” you correct him with a giggle. “I know Lucifer said he would go with me and you can’t defy him but I can. So, let’s go?”

Lord Diavolo has given you an extremely special present for your birthday. A weekend out in the human world. The only regulation is that a demon brother has to accompany you. The demons jumped on the opportunity immediately but you already had your heart set on a little avatar of greed. 

You say your goodbyes to the other brothers and thank Diavolo. “Make sure you’re back before midnight on Sunday. You still have your lessons to take care of,” he says with a smile. You nod to him and look over to Mammon who was being scolded by Lucifer. He nods and gives you a nervous smile that makes your stomach jump. “Jump in when you’re ready. It will take you wherever you want to be.” Diavolo said gesturing towards the hole. 

You dash over to Mammon, taking his hand and diving headfirst into the hole. You end up in a penthouse, looking over the vast craziness of New York City. “Brings back memories!” You hum looking out the window. “Um…why’re we in New York?! Is this your place?! You mentioned you lived a quiet life but I would say this isn’t that.” Mammon says with an awestruck look. He was shocked completely.  

“Mammon,” you chuckle at his child-like gaze, “when this present was given to me I saw it more as a chance to have fun than to go back to normal life. I couldn’t think of anything more fun than spending a weekend in the Big Apple, gambling my life savings off with you.” You poke his nose and he blushes, looking away. “The penthouse is a friend’s and I already arranged this trip a while ago. Just for you and me. Is that okay?” You say with pleading eyes. “Y-yeah, I mean of course it’s fine! You have the best gambler in all of the Devildom on your side. Ya won’t lose.” He says with a wink. You squeeze his hand. “Good! Lemme drop my stuff and we can go have some fun.” 

“How’s this look?” You say spinning in an outfit that accentuated your every feature. His eyes went wide and his mind went to other places. “Y/n, we are gambling, not going to-” You put a finger to his lips. “Shush, you are in the land of y/n. Let’s go. ” Mammon was clearly not fond of your garment but little did he know how safe it would keep him.

(Poker Face- Lady Gaga)

You and Mammon enter a casino and walk around the various tables and games. “Oi y/n, are you even good at gambling? I mean you’ve beat me once by luck but you never play at home. Ya sure you’re up for it?” He was clearly trying to keep himself composed at your side but you could tell he was itching to play. You walk over to a  black jack table  “Care to find out?”. As if you said the magic words, Mammon sits down and asks the dealer to put you guys in.

“Oh, do my eyes deceive me or is that the most magnificent ever beautifully cruel y/n?” A man said to the left of you and Mammon. You’ve gotta be kidding me. I didn’t realize it would be this quick. Mammon was ready to retort but you hold his wrist. “Kuroo, it’s been a while. I didn’t realize I had the courtesy to see your smug face.” You give him a fake smile. “Oi y/n, who’s the rooster head? He looks shady.” Mammon says, clearly wary of your relationship with him. 

Well he is the Consigliere somehow but there’s no way you’re going to tell him that. He was your nanny for a good part of your life and your advisor for the rest. You are technically the underboss but in this line of work it's not the greatest. What if he knew. Would he tell? He’s an idiot of course he would. 

You were raised to scare and torture so when you were teleported to hell itself, you weren’t surprised. Living amongst the demons made you feel less corrupted, pure even. You could have a life there when it’s all said and done. You’ve realized how soft you’ve become around the brothers...around Mammon... but now wasn’t the time for that.

“He’s my father’s friend. Think of him as my uncle.” You reassure him. “Ah you wound me y/n, I’m not that old at all. Only two years older than you if I recall.” He states clearly teasing Mammon. You glare at Kuroo. “He’s only trying to get a raise out of you, Mams. You can relax. He’s actually five years older than me, not that it matters.” You give him a gentle smile. “Let’s win.” 

You play through the rounds and your skills are a little rusty but you manage. You bust and it’s now Kuroo against Mammon. Sadly you knew the game, Kuroo already bought the dealer out and within 30 minutes it was a loss. “Ugh y/n, he is your uncle right? Can we get our money back? I can’t believe me the Great Mammon lost to a simple human.” Mammon huffs. You giggle at him “No, we have more money to burn I bet you we can make double what you lost. Just give it some y/n magic.” You smile sweetly at him. Kuroo’s eyes lowered at the sight. 

“Y/n, a word? Your father wanted me to pass on a message.” He says with a tone you know you can’t object. You turn to Mammon, “Hey, I’m going to be a minute can you play roulette for me? I was never good at it and would love some Mammoney luck.” He gave a light laugh at this. “Sure thing but don’t take too long, I’ll drain ya.” He says with your card in hand. 

You move with Kuroo to a room away from prying eyes. Your expression turns cold as soon as you step into the room. “So, what’s Boss want?”  You say clearly not wasting any time. “Oh child is that any way to talk about your old man?” Kuroo teases, his eyes filled with malice. “He’s been worried sick about his second in command, but little did he know they were laying low fuckin around with some low life pretty boy.” 

Kuroo’s words made your blood boil. In a way, he was your own Lucifer, always caring for you with an iron fist. When the time came he did take a bullet for you, but it didn’t make him less irritating. “And? Is that all you had to tell me? You’re managing.” Your expression was as cold as ice. It felt like slipping into a different personality. You couldn’t tell which one you were more. The kind person you were around the brothers or the brutal underboss of this world you were forced into. “Well, I guess you’re right. You must be glad Akaashi is so capable. You disappeared for a few months and the money keeps flowing.” Kuroo sits down with a laugh. 

Now you knew why he was here. You asked Akaashi for the penthouse and he can’t deny Boss. “Still babysitting I see, even though I’m grown.” You give a light laugh. “Well, tell Boss I’ll be away for a while longer and Akaashi can take care of things until then. I’m busy working out some things.” Kuroo’s interest was piqued.

 “Ah I was wondering about the boy. He looks so exotic and youn-” ''You lay a finger on him, you’ll be filled with lead by morning. I don’t give a fuck who you are.” You cut Kuroo off. “I promise, you won’t even be safe in Hell.” Kuroo had never seen you so stern towards him before but enjoyed your wrath. “I’ll pass on the message.” 

You find your white haired demon kicking some ass at roulette and basking in his own glory. Your heart melts at the sight and Mammon notices you. “Y/n! Guess how much we won?” He says waving chips around, giving a goofy smile. “I tripled the amount on your card!” Wait, he bet all of it? “Mams do you know how much money was on the card?” You say in a serious tone. “I hav’ta tell ya I don’t sweat the small stuff. Just be grateful. For the Great Mammon has claimed victory.” He lifts you up and spins you around in glee. You can’t help but smile at him. 

You play a few more games and head out to an expensive restaurant. "Y/n, are you sure you can afford all of this?" He clearly wanted to order the whole menu. "You tripled my card somehow so might as well use it." You smile back at him.  His eyes light up as he looks at the menu, looking forward to the meal. 

(Nana triste-Natalia Lacunza)

A slow song was playing on the dance floor and Mammon looked at you with a want in his eyes. "Care for this dance, my avatar of greed?" You ask for his hand. He blushes and gives it to you. 

"Wait a minute that was backwar-'' You pull him close to you and start dancing. "It's okay Tiger. You're cuter this way." He wants to retort but can only focus on how close your bodies are. 

"Ya know, Lucifer asked me to take care of you. It's like he was handing off his child to a husband. He's so irritating at times. I mean I'm totally reliable. Don't you think Y/n?" He says softly in your ear. You let out a soft laugh. "I think you would make a wonderful husband Mams. Be careful or I may make you mine.” You whisper so close he can feel your breath on his neck. He immediately jumps back. “Like I would ever marry a human even if they’re...they’re...” He trails off. “They’re what Mammon?” You step closer to him again. “Ahhh look, foods here. Let’s eat.” He says immediately retreating. 

You both eat and drink to your heart's content. By the end of the meal, Mammon was a babbling child.  “Ya know you should be more prouda me. I went outta ma way for y/n.” He slurs. “I could’ve let Lucifer take the human like was planned but I secretly begged ta go. Don’t tell, y/n.” He whispers to you. And that’s enough of that. You take away his alcohol and start feeding him water shots. He couldn’t tell the difference. “Ya know, I told y/n I wouldn’t never marry a human but secretly if it was them it wouldn be bad. If it was, maybe I could be happy all the time.” He smiles before immediately falling over. You couldn’t help but look at him fondly. “Me too.” 

You help him into the penthouse and lay him down on your bed. I totally could. I should. No I shouldn’t. You stare at Mammon’s sleeping figure and start unbuttoning his shirt just enough for him to breathe. He was sleeping so soundly that you wish you could stay in that moment forever. “I love you, Mammon.” You whisper and kiss his head. “Always have.” 

You decide to go to the convenience store and get some things to ease his hangover. You see a couple around the sunglasses rack trying all sorts of glasses on, laughing at each other. You couldn’t help but feel a little jealous at their simple life. Sadly, nothing ever came easy for you. You bring your supplies back to see an empty bed. “Mammon? Where’d you go buddy?” You examine the bed closely and find a symbol on a small piece of paper. You crumple it and walk briskly out the door.

(Riot - Hollywood Undead)

You were going to kill Kuroo. You meant what you said and did not have to think twice about seeing the floor spattered with his blood. He wanted you home. He didn’t care what it took to get you there. He will cage Mammon up and keep him as a pet and hang it over you if it meant you would take over. It was his job after all. You knew exactly where he would take him. Kuroo would take him to the only person you can’t deny. 

You bust the gates open to the old property to see only soldiers around. “Y/n, long time no see.” Your eyes lower at the sight of Tsukishima. “Where is he?” You sneer. “Oh, whoever are you talking about?” Tsukishima laughs at your angry expression. “Olala, you mean our new mutt. He’s chained up inside like the dog he is. However, you and I have some business.” Soldiers started to surround you. “Boss said to restrain you. As long as we don’t kill you, any way is fine.” You laugh at his statement. “As if, you can.” 

You immediately jump into action and dodge the knives that are flying towards you. Soldier after soldier comes at you with swinging fists and slicing knives. “It’s bad to ruin the merchandise,” you say dealing blow after blow, making sure not to fatally injure them. Tsukishima just watches as you pummel your way to the door not even bothering to stop you himself. “You must really care for this lousy mutt. Too bad you’ll never see him again.” You ignore him and head into the house and see Mammon gagged and chained to a chair. 

“Mmmm! MMMm!” Mammon desperately tried to call your name. He had a bruise on the left side of his face and tears in his eyes. You pay him no heed as you stare at the two men at the table with him. “Ah y/n, how nice of you to join us. I was just telling Boss what great work you’ve been doing and how your loyalty inspires the rest of us.” Kuroo hummed. 

(Body-mother mother)

“Boss, I apologize for not coming sooner. I have much to discuss with you. Beginning with letting that mutt go.” You say dropping on one knee. “I was worried about you, y/n. I expected better and ya let me down.” Boss says with a disappointed tone.

 “I know, but I want you to know I come with good news. I haven’t been goofin off I promise. I wouldn’t do ya that way.” You say desperately trying to sway the conversation. “Hear me out, Father. Please.”  You feel a grip on your head that turns soft as Boss speaks “I always liked ya, y/n. You’ve done good for this family so I’ll give ya a chance.” 

You explain yourself and what you have been doing for the past three months. You leave out parts and accentuate others. Your eyes flicker to Mammon who looks scared to death but continue to keep your cold demeanor. “So father, I hope to expand our casinos to the other realm and expand our influence. Consider it insurance for when you pass.” 

“What a load of shit,” Kuroo begins but Boss holds his hand up. “So why do you need mista pretty boy here?” You give your father a promising look. “He’s the sin of greed himself, we need him if we want the money to flow. Plus he can bleed us dry if we don’t let him go.” Your father looks at him with disgust. “This poser? I’m gonna need you to prove it, kid.” You nod. “Give me five minutes with him and I can prove it to ya.” “You have three.” Boss says motioning his underlings to release him. 

You take him to the bathroom and give him a crushing embrace. “I’m so sorry Mammon. I’m so fucking sorry.” Mammon wasn’t even processing what was going around him and pushed you away. “Who? Where? What in the livin hell is going on y/n?” You put your hands on his shoulders “Look we have a minute I need you to change to your demon form and mess up some dudes under my magic.” Mammon looked absolutely baffled.

 “What? No! I don’t wanna expose my form to roosterhead and that old guy. Plus you don’t have magic.” You push him up against the wall and he can’t help being a bit frightened but also other things.  “Listen Mams, they will kill you and me both if you don’t and Solomon gave me some of his.” You lift up a vial and down it immediately. “I need you to do this for me. I promise I’ll explain everything later.” He seems unsure but nods.  

You regain your cold composure and bring him before your father. You nod to Mammon who unleashes his demon form. Your father’s face remains neutral.  “That’s quite some get up he’s got there.” Kuroo laughs at Mammon's wings going up to touch them. “I wouldn’t if I were you. He’ll send you to where he came from.” You say giving Kuroo a cocky stare. 

“If you want a demonstration you can have one, Boss. Kuroo and I have some disputes and I would love to resolve them under your careful eye.” Your father smiles at your bloodlust. “Just leave him in tact.”  You smile with glee. “Mammon, attack him but leave his vitals alone.” 

Mammon couldn’t resist your order and went after him in hand to hand combat. Kuroo was one of the best fighters but against a demon he was a mere human. Mammon slashed him up and knocked him out cold within seconds. Mammon turned to you bloodied with glowing yellow-blue eyes. That’s hot. You knew Mammon was strong but he rarely used his demon strength. To see if fully utilized was like viewing a work of art.

 “You impress me, y/n.�� Boss said, staring at Mammon’s wings. “Take care of the devildom or whatever ya call it. I want that place under our control by the time I get there.” You kneel down and nod your head. “Kid, I want ya to take care of my kin here while they’re carrying out my work. Can ya do that for me?” You can tell Mammon was blushing a little under the blood. “Yes I can, sir.” 

(Next to you-bigricepiano)

It was a few hours later and you both finally got to the penthouse exhausted and tense. You collapse falling asleep in each other's arms on the floor until morning. You wake up to the sound of Mammon snoring in your face. So beautifully irritating. You plant a kiss on his lips which causes him to jump up. “Who? What? Where?” He sees your laughing face. “Awww, y/n I was having the weirdest dream that you were a member of the mafia and I was forced ta beat up roosterhead and…” He slowly feels his face. “That wasn’t a dream was it.” 

“I wish it was and yes I know I owe you a lot of explanation but lemme clean you up first.” You say getting a rag and some hydrogen peroxide. You start cleaning his face and explaining your upbringing. Through this, Mammon’s face changed from frustrated to concerned. “I didn’t know you had it so rough, y/n. You never told us.” You smile and dab on his open wound. Mammon winces a little.

“You didn’t need to know. It’s not something I’m really proud of and I know you are all demons so sins don’t bother you as much but even so.” You laugh at your own silliness. “ I wanted to be your saving grace and live a happy life at least for the year we have.” Mammon holds onto your hand and kisses it. “Y/n, you’ve helped us so much.  It’s the least I coulda done for you.” Mammon wraps his arms and legs around you, holding you as if you were going to disappear that very minute. “If..If you had the option to stay with us forever...with me forever, would ya take it?” 

You were taken aback by his question. You loved your father and all the mafia had to offer but it could never measure up to the amount of love you felt from the demons in the short amount of time you’ve been with them. You melt into Mammon’s embrace and try to hold back tears. 

“Absolutely. Without a doubt.” 

Mammon looks at you and takes your face in the palm of his hand, wiping away your ever flowing tears. He kisses you softly, over and over until the tears are gone.

 “I love you, y/n.”

“I love you too, Mammon.” 

Bonus:

“I’m telling ya, y/n is part of the mafia! They beat up so many guys and run all the major casinos.” Mammon pleads at the breakfast table. “That’s absurd. Y/n doesn’t even gamble.” Satan retorts. “Satan’s right now please shut up about this before I string you up.” Lucifer says going through today’s paper. Mammon looks on the verge of tears and shoots you a glance to which you heartily ignore. 

“Aww, well I want it to be true. A mafia y/n sends shivers up my spine. Ne, ne, are you part of the mafia?” Asmo hums. You let out a laugh. “Absolutely not. I don’t know what Mammon’s on today but I wish I had some.”  “You and me both,” Belphie says through his pillow. “It would make a good anime for sure. The whole double agent thing with a princess that has to be saved and it would be called I wanted to save a princess but turned out they were a mafia member and I had to be saved instead. AAH, Beel don’t touch my food.”  Leviathan says pushing Beel off his oatmeal. 

“I told you no one would believe you.” You whisper to Mammon. Mammon just pouts and looks away. You drag your hand up his thigh and he shivers. “Don’t worry, they don’t need to know everything.” 

[theladyofdeath]

In the Bleak Midwinter {13}

A Throne of Glass Period AU: 1920s.

Summary: 2 years after Arobynn Hammel is killed by Rowan Whitethorn, Maeve has returned from Eyllwe with a vengeance. Meanwhile, Rowan is getting married, Lorcan is a father, and Lysandra is finally ready to give her heart away. There’s been peace in The Cadre’s Orynth for 2 years, but peace never lasts.

A/N: (:

All characters belong to SJM. I am no more than a fan with a plot.

**Warning: mature content - language, alcohol use, drug use, sex, murders and shit.

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The Cadre - 1920s AU {TOG}

In the Bleak Midwinter {The Cadre, Part 2}

It was a traditional gypsy funeral, honoring their people, their heritage.

Connall was placed in a wagon, surrounded by his favorite earthly possessions, and set on fire.

The others watched, still amazed that it was happening. Connall shouldn’t have been one to go. He was too loyal, too pure. 

It made no sense.

Another cruel twist of fate.

As the wagon and all inside turned to ash, becoming one with the land, Fenrys found himself wondering what Connall would come back as, in his next life. 

Twins are unique in the sense that they are different people, of course, yet they’re two halves of the same heart, the same soul. Could he move on, Connall, in the afterlife, and come back as a sparrow or a mountain cat or a wolf if Fenrys was not there to be reincarnated alongside him? Would he be sent to some otherworldly waiting room until Fenrys took his departure from the earth, from his current life? 

How could one twin move on when the other doesn’t?

Half of Fenrys' soul had been ripped away from him, from the world, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

Fenrys just wanted to know what truly happened after death, where his brother was, and if he would ever see him again.

Because the thought of anything less had his heart shattering into a million pieces.

Over and over and over again.

~~~

Three weeks after they laid Connall to rest, Rowan sat in his office, smoking a cigarette.

It was a quiet afternoon. It was the universal nap hour - Lucy, a disgruntled Lorcan, a cranky Natalia, and a pregnant Aelin. 

Aedion and Lysandra had been holed up all day, Gavriel still spent most of his time hiding from Natalia, and Vaughan was still healing. Fenrys kept himself distant - reading and drinking and staring up at the moon. 

It left Rowan to have a little bit of alone time during the day, even though he didn’t really like it. He used to hate being around people, but now he had to keep around them to make sure they were safe.

Although he felt like he was doing a shitty job at that.

Elide.

Connall.

The next person would be Maeve. 

A part of him longed for the life he used to have. Before the estate and all that came along with it. Perhaps if he was still the little nobody from the west side of Orynth that only did the little jobs, Maeve wouldn’t think he was worth the time of day. 

Everyone would be safe.

Elide and Connall would still be alive. 

Rowan wouldn’t constantly be sitting on the edge of his seat, waiting for something, anything to go wrong and hating himself for all the negative thoughts and constant anxiety, but he just couldn’t help it.

And with Maeve being silent for three weeks, it only had Rowan even more paranoid.

She was waiting to strike.

He knew it.

But he just didn’t know how. 

All he knew was that when she would come, he would be fucking ready.

~~~~~

Lorcan laid awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering if he would ever see the inside of his own home again. He didn’t mind the estate, and it was nice to be surrounded by so many people after the loss of Elide, but he missed his own bed, the bed that he shared with her. With an ache in his chest, he looked over at the small portrait that sat on his bedside table.

Gods, she was beautiful.

As she usually did when he was alone and was thinking about her, she appeared to him. This time, she wore an evening gown of dark blue with long, dangling diamond earrings and white gloves that went up past her elbows.

“Hello, my love,” she sang. 

Lorcan didn’t say anything. He just stared at her, breathed her in, memorizing the image before she disappeared, once more. 

Elide strolled around the room before meeting him where he laid on his bed. Her fingers brushed down his cheek, but he didn’t feel it, he never fucking felt it. 

“Do you see Connall there?” Lorcan whispered, once she resumed her walk around the bedroom. “Wherever it is that you are?” 

Elide stopped, slowly turned to where Lorcan laid and cocked her head to the side. “Connall?”

“He’s dead,” Lorcan breathed. He had told her that, though, when he saw her last. He knew he had. 

“Am I dead?” she responded, her smile soft. “Why are we talking of such morbid things, my love? I came to talk about us.”

Lorcan told himself to look away from her, to look away from the figment of his imagination that was his wife, but he couldn’t. He needed to drink in her beauty, dwell in it, for just a little while. 

“What about us?” he whispered, unable to help himself. 

“How I love you, of course,” she said. “How I wish you were here with me.”

He shook his head, slowly. No, it was he who wished she was there with him, not the other way around. Lorcan didn’t wish for death.

At least he told himself as much.

He couldn’t.

Wouldn’t.

And yet, the ghost of his late wife held out her hand. “It doesn’t hurt. It’s so easy, so soft. Just follow the light, and it will be peaceful.”

For a moment, he truly thought his wife was holding out her hand to him, as if he could simply take her slender, pale fingers into his and he would be carried away, from one life to the next. 

The life where Elide waited.

But she wasn’t.

The tips of her fingers were mere inches away from the bedside table, where his revolver sat, metal glistening in the bright light streaming through the window.

The light.

Lorcan hadn’t realized he was crying until he said, his voice soft and broken, “I love you.”

“Then come to me,” she begged.

“You’re a ghost,” he whispered. 

“I am whatever you want me to be,” she promised. “Our love remains, even with this distance between us. Imagine how lovely it would be without such distance.” 

It took every ounce of his being, but Lorcan closed his eyes and wept in the silence of the estate. 

~~~

Lorcan was the last one into the dining room, but Rowan didn’t chastise him for being five minutes late. Instead, he looked around the table at the Cadre and flicked the ash from his cigarette. 

He wasn’t sure where to begin, he never was. A greeting seemed pointless on normal days, during normal times, but now, when tensions were high, greetings seemed offensive. 

What was the point of small talk when loved ones had died and their world was dissolving into chaos? 

“People are getting nervous.” Rowan began, after another long drag from his cigarette. Gavriel nodded, slowly, while Vaughan watched Fenrys, wearily, as the young lad sat slumped in his chair, cap pulled down far over his eyes. Aedion was there, too, sitting next to Lorcan, who was playing with his lighter. 

When it was clear that no one would be asking any questions, Rowan continued. “We’ve disappeared for two months, and people are starting to ask questions. So, I suggest we host a charity event. Here.” 

The room went silent. 

Then, it was Lorcan who said, “Don’t fucking act like you care about the people of Orynth. You’re trying to set a fucking trap for Maeve.” 

Rowan remained silent at the head of the table.

Lorcan scoffed as he shook his head. “You’re insane. You would willingly be letting her into-.”

“The event guests will come by invitation only,” Rowan interrupted, tired of the protests even though they’d just begun. “The only people inside would have passed through a security checkpoint. Everyone inside will remain safe. We haven’t left this house in three weeks, which is why I assume Maeve has been silent. If we host an event, people will be here, cars and carriages, and Maeve can slip onto the lands with her men, waiting for one of us to step outdoors, no doubt. But Rhoe and his men,” Rowan said, nodding toward Aedion, “will be hunting them down, one by one, already hiding before Maeve’s men step onto the land. Ready. That way, we kill them off, while also keeping our image in the public eye.”

“The public eye?” Lorcan’s hostility continued.

“Yes,” Rowan spat, through gritted teeth. “Like it or not, the people of Orynth have given us our success within the last few years. We lose their interest, their trust, and we will be nothing once again.”

“And where has it gotten us?” Lorcan asked, shaking his head as he stared at the long, sleek cherrywood table. “Rich and lonely.” 

Rowan cleared his throat. “The event will take place next Friday. I’ve already sent out invitations. We’ll auction shit off, all proceeds will go to the new library building.” 

He slipped his cigarette between his lips and pushed back his chair before rising to his feet. As he began his exit, Lorcan said, “What’s the point of these fucking meetings if you’re just going to decide shit on your own?”

Rowan froze and the room went silent, once more. With his hands shoved into his pockets, the cigarette hanging loosely from his lips, Rowan turned to meet Lorcan’s hard gaze. In a quiet, cool, steady voice, Rowan said, “So you’ll be ready.”

~~~

When Aedion made it back into his bedroom, Lysandra was out on the balcony, her elbows leaned onto the railing as her dark hair blew in the cool breeze. He met her there, standing beside her, his elbow brushing hers. 

“How’d it go?” Lysandra asked. As always, she was invited to the meeting, should have been there, according to Rowan, but she needed a break from the negativity.

Aedion didn’t blame her. 

He didn’t answer her question, though, only reached across the short distance between them and took her hand into his. 

“I’ll let you know after I process the information.” 

Lysandra huffed a humorless laugh and nodded, squeezing his hand as she did so. “Fair enough.”

He snuck a glance at her, at the way the sunlight hit her emerald eyes just right, making them glitter, shine, captivating him. She was so incredibly beautiful, so perfectly lovely, and she didn’t even know it. Aedion had been in love with her for so long, since he was no more than just a child. It had taken him years to gain her love in return, years that he waited patiently for, years that he would wait patiently for all over again. 

“You’re staring,” she said, although her eyes never left the vast landscape beyond.

“Yes,” he agreed. “I am.”

“Why?” she asked, humored, finally turning to meet his gaze. 

“Because you’re nice to look at.” Aedion grinned as Lysandra snorted. “And, because I love you.” 

Lysandra’s smile faded away as she turned her gaze back to the distant hills. “Something happened in the meeting, didn’t it?” 

Aedion didn’t answer. He didn’t want to talk about the meeting, didn’t want to talk about Rowan’s plan, didn’t want to think about any of it. All he wanted to think about was the incredible woman before him.

So he took her hand and tugged, and when she slowly turned to look at him, Aedion’s smile had vanished.

“What is it?” she whispered. “Aedion, you’re scaring me-.”

“Marry me,” he breathed.

Lysandra sucked in a breath, hesitating.

“I know I’ve said it a million times before,” he began, shaking his head, “but this time, I’m asking. I love you, and I have always loved you, and with all this...shit going on, Lysandra, I just…” His words trailed off, and he didn’t know how to make sense of all that he was feeling, so he just stopped trying, and repeated, “Marry me. Please.” 

He hadn’t realized he’d begun to cry until Lysandra reached up with trembling fingers to wipe his tears away. Her fingers trailed down his cheek, her thumb brushing his bottom lip.

“You mean it?” she asked, green eyes shining.

“Yeah,” he breathed, then laughed because he had no idea how she could possibly think he didn’t mean it. “All I want is to be your husband. All I’ve ever wanted was to be your husband.”

A slow tear rolled down her cheek. “Why do I feel like you’re only asking me this because you fear that you’ll die?”

Aedion let out a long, slow breath. “If you marry me, Lys, I promise to endure whatever hell comes my way so that we may have a long, happy life together. Alright?”

It was a promise he knew he couldn’t make. She knew it, too, because those tears flowed freely, but she only nodded, and closed her eyes as her forehead met his. “Then marry me now, Aedion Ashryver. If that’s what will protect you, marry me now.”

Their lips met in a slow, deep, tender kiss. Aedion could only hope that they could marry soon, and that such a marriage full of so much love would be enough to protect him.

To protect them both. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[atinyrabbit]

love/hate songs

Since 8tracks is messed up and playmoss is gonna disappear and Spotify doesn't have many songs, I’m posting some of my playlists here. This is a list of songs about love/hate relationships for pairings. Enemies to lovers, tsundere personalities, hero/villain couplings, opposites attract, loving someone you know you shouldn't. This list is several years old so the songs are older and kinda ‘scene.’

Major trigger warnings for the lyrics of these songs. Some songs have violent lyrics. This playlist romanticizes conflict.

Song list under read more:

Love to Hate You - Erasure Nicotine - Panic! at the Disco Don't Let It Go To Your Head - Fefe Dobson Your Love Will Kill Me - Daniel Lavoie Bruises and Bitemarks (Remix) - Good With Grenades October & April - The Rasmus feat. Anette Olzon Violator - Son of Rust Sick Amore - El Creepo Disgusting - Ke$ha Dangerous - Depeche Mode Oleander - Mother Mother Fear & Delight - The Correspondents Love is a Suicide - Natalia Kills Sex as a Weapon - Pat Benatar I'd Love To Kill You - Katie Melua Before I Ever Met You - Banks Rent - Pet Shop Boys Helpless When She Smiles - Backstreet Boys Holy - Zolita Strangelove - Depeche Mode I Won't Say (I'm In Love) - Susan Egan Can't Feel My Face - The Weeknd Only You - Ellie Goulding Devil Devil - Milck Livin' In A World Without You - The Rasmus  

Hate Love - Adelitas Way Suddenly - Peter Heppner Sick and Twisted Affair - My Darkest Days Radioactive Mirrors - Amazinglyjon Dangerous - Cascada Violence (Club Mix) - Grimes & i_o This Is Love - Air Traffic Controller Make Hate To Me - Citizen Soldier Gently Break It - Beck Pete Portrait of a Female - Cruel Youth This Could Be Love - Alkaline Trio Lie, Lie, Lie - Myra You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi I Only Wanna Be With You - Volbeat Maybe You're Not the Worst Thing Ever - Cast of Galavant I've Got You Under My Skin - Seether Human - Oh Land Le Bien Qui Fait Mal - Mozart, L'Opera Rock Can't Help Falling In Love [Light x Dark Remix] - feat. Brooke Tommee Profitt Fell For You - Green Day Stupid Grin - Dragonette Broken - Lauren Hoffman Take Me to Church - Hozier Super Psycho Love - Simon Curtis Whip - Mr.Kitty   Get You Off - Fefe Dobson Crazy Girl - Ke$ha Vice - POP ETC Cannibal - Silversun Pickups Rest in Peace - Original Cast of Buffy The Vampire Slayer Hem of Your Garment - Cake Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge Truth Or Dare - Marianas Trench We Sink - CHVRCHES Gingerbread Man - Melanie Martinez You Stupid Girl - Framing Hanley   Die For You - Red F*cking Boyfriend - The Bird & The Bee Mean - Nicole Dollanganger Must Be Crazy for Me - Melissa Etheridge That Girl - Alexz Johnson FMLYHM - Seether Bad Romance - Halestorm Aquarius - Within Temptation Flirt (With Me) - Zeromancer I'm With Stupid - Pet Shop Boys Stop This Song (Love Sick Melody) - Paramore Trying Not To Love You - Nickelback Kill for You - Zolita A Love Like War - All Time Low You Need Me - SWANS Hatef--k - The Bravery Bottled Affection - Cold War Kids True Love - ThouShaltNot Terrible Thing - Ag I Can't Decide - Scissor Sisters Exit Wounds - The Romanovs Gun - Chvrches Every Breath You Take - Chase Holfelder Whole Lotta Love - Smash Mouth Bloodsport - Sneaker Pimps XXX - Imran-C Bitter Rivals - Sleigh Bells Destruction Of Us - Mr.Kitty Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer Love Me Dead - Ludo Paralyzed - The Used River - Bishop Briggs Neon - VERSA Sucker For Pain - Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa & Imagine Dragons I'm Your Villain - Franz Ferdinand Beautiful Monster - Ne-Yo I Own You - Birgit Let Me Be Your Armor - ASSEMBLAGE 23 Perfect Enemy - t.A.T.u. Straight for the Knife - Sia One More Night - Maroon 5 I Hate You (Don't Leave Me) - Ke$ha The Moth - Aimee Mann Mad Love - The Veronicas Toxic (Acoustic Britney Spears Cover) - Johnny Goth Bad Intentions - Digital Daggers Shut Up - Nick Lachey Soldier - Bitter Ruin First Bad Habit - Vanessa Hudgens In The Darkness - Dead By Sunrise Tearin' Up My Heart - *NSYNC You'll Be Back - Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton & Jonathan Groff Crazy In A Good Way - VERIDIA Combat Baby - Metric In Bluebeard's Castle - Unwoman When Doves Cry - Prince State of Seduction - Digital Daggers Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert Broken Inside - Broken Iris Murder (feat. Minx, Chilled) - Boyinaband Why Do You Love Me - Charlotte Lawrence Follow You Home - Nickelback Love To See You Cry - Enrique Iglesias Impressed - Natalie Imbruglia Die For You - Megan McCauley Your Kind (Speak to Me) - Danger Radio Tyrant - The Bravery Violent Games - Polica Toxicated Love - NEO Nemeses (feat. John Roderick) - Jonathan Coulton Miserable - Lit Running From My Shadow - The Velvet Teaparty Barricade - Stars Trouble (Stripped) - Halsey Brutal Hearts - Bedouin Soundclash Desire - Meg Myers Sticks And Stones - The Pierces Just the Girl - The Click Five Himerus and Eros - The Spill Canvas Blood - In This Moment I'm Insane - Myah Marie Fiction (Dreams In Digital) - Orgy Whore - In This Moment Monster - Ryan Adames Foundations - Kate Nash Only When I Lose Myself - Depeche Mode Hatchet - Archive The Beginning of the Twist - The Futureheads Change - Deftones Trust Me - Marc Senter Love Me Hate Kiss Me Kill Me (Scndl Remix) - Fukkk Offf Big Bad Handsome Man - Imelda May The Mighty Fall - Fall Out Boy My Obsession - Cinema Bizarre Stitches - Orgy Miss Kiss Kiss Bang - Alex Swings Oscar Sings! Sweet Dreams - Beyonce Fuel To The Fire - The Maine Closer (Nine Inch Nails Cover) - Niki Barr Band Clueless - Orla Gartland Devil Woman - Cliff Richard Hatefuck - Motionless In White I Love You But I Don’t Like You - Molly Moore Overpower Thee - AUF dER MAUR Get Down On Your Knees And Tell Me You Love Me - All Time Low Post Blue - Placebo Genghis Khan - Miike Snow Poison - Alice Cooper I Know I'm A Wolf - Young Heretics Little Toy Gun - honeyhoney I Miss the Misery - Halestorm Dirty Sticky Floors (radio mix) - Dave Gahan Clarity - Zedd I Get A Kick Out Of You - Frank Sinatra I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts Die for You - Otherwise Labyrinth - Oomph! Black Black Heart - David Usher I Want to Destroy Something Beautiful - Josh Woodward I'm a Priest - Daniel Lavoie You Need Me - SWANS Afraid of the Dark - Phildel Virus - Ryan Adames I Wanna Be Your Dog (remix) - Emilie Simon Hello Goodbye - The Beatles Sarcasm (Album Version) - Get Scared Use Me - Hinder Poison & Wine - The Civil Wars Pretty When You Cry - VAST Tainted Love - Soft Cell Scream - Avenged Sevenfold Think About It - Danger Radio Gallery Piece - Of Montreal Bang Bang Bang Bang - Sohodolls Little Girls - Say Anything I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace Love Runs Out - OneRepublic Disarm - Smashing Pumpkins Hit Me Like a Man - The Pretty Reckless Bang Bang (feat. Adam Levine) - K'naan Hurts So Good - John Mellencamp Addicted - Kelly Clarkson Whiplash - FEMM Paralyzer - Finger Eleven Crime - Temposhark Misery Loves Company - Emilie Autumn It Was Good for You Too - Marian Call Price Of Company - The White Tie Affair Burn! - Kobra And The Lotus I Love My Lawyer - Ofelia K I Want Blood - empires (I Always Kill) The Things I Love (ft. The Real Tuesday Weld) - Claudia Brucken Misery (Cutmore Radio) - Maroon 5 Fire and Ice - Pat Benatar I Lust You - Neon Neon Pistol Whipped - Marilyn Manson Bitches Brew - Crosses A Formidable Marinade - Mikelangelo And The Black Sea Gentlemen Control - Puddle of Mudd Scary Love - Skye Sweetnam Loveyouhateyou - Sad Robot Untangle Me - Snow Ghosts A Little Taste - Skyler Stonestreet E.V.O.L - Marina and the Diamonds   (You're the) Devil in Disguise - Elvis Presley Shut Up & Kiss - Me Orianthi Cool for Chaos - Nostalghia Oyeme - Enrique Iglesias I Hate You - Sick Puppies GirlShapedLoveDrug - Gomez You Only Tell Me You Love Me When You're Drunk - Pet Shop Boys Need You Like A Drug - Zeromancer Werewolf - Cat Power Bathwater - No Doubt Bad Dog - Neon Hitch Guns And Horses - Ellie Goulding Rev 22-20 - Puscifer Won't You Please Be Nice - Nellie McKay The Perfect Drug - Nine Inch Nails Until The Day I Die - Story of the Year Womanizer - Britney Spears Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations I Think I Love You David Cassidy Stalkers - Mindless Self Indulgence   Kill Me Every Time - Blue Stahli Preface - FKA twigs Every You Every Me - Placebo Want - Disturbed Spit It Out - IAMX Destroy Me - Mr Kitty My Sweet Prince - Placebo Psycho - Imelda May Monster - Meg Myers Figured You Out - Nickelback Suffocated Love - Tricky Satisfy Me One More Time - Frank Sinatra This Love - Maroon 5 Miss Jackson (feat. Lolo) - Panic! At The Disco Fire and Ice - Pat Benatar Every Other Time Lyte - Funky Ones How Do You Love Someone - Ashley Tisdale Poison - Gin Wigmore Bitter and Sick - One Two The Outsider - Marina & the Diamonds True Love (feat Lily Rose Cooper) - Pink Bad Boy - Cascada Irresistible - Temposhark Painkiller - The Queenstons Born to Die / Russian Roulette - Amazinglyjon Like Sugar - Matchbox Twenty Mad About You - Hooverphonic Stupify - Disturbed Problems - Mother Mother What Is Love - Haddaway Animal - The Cab Marionette - Antonia I Hate You But I Love You - Russian Red Carve A Name - Mother Mother Criminal - Britney Spears Danger - Hilary Duff Fell in Love w/an Android - Simon Curtis Demon Lover - Róisín Murphy Always - Saliva Too Close - Alex Clare Little of Your Time - Maroon 5 Sex and Violence - Scissor Sisters Electric Storm - Delta Goodrem Black widow - Susanne Sundfør Dangerous Kind - Rasmus You've Really Got a Hold on Me - The Miracles Over and Over - Three Days Grace Devour - Marilyn Manson Nature of Inviting - IAMX The Odd Couple - Weezer Hurt Me Harder - Zolita Terrible Love - The National Mad Love - Jojo Boomerang - Reliant K Bad News - Sleeper Agent I Was An Island (EP Version) - Allison Weiss Rock Bottom - Hailee Steinfeld You’re the One That I Want - Lo Fang Poison - Rita Ora Kill For You - Skylar Grey ft Eminem Wouldn't Be Love - Ritual Hate Me - Nico Collins Irresistible - Fall Out Boy I Love You... I'll Kill You - Enigma

[m-lesmxrales]

If The World Was Ending

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: loss of loved ones + some curse words

Summary: Even after the events of the snap, you always find your way back to each other. To the only person who still holds your heart in her palms.

Words: 2k+

Continuation - Come Closer

Laughter filled the room, music bouncing off the ballroom walls, cuisines, sweets and alcohol spread about. Many holding glasses filled with an exquisite liquor of their choosing. Children danced about, the pitter-patter of their feet drowning into the beat of the music.

The newly wedded giggling as they danced together, the brides pearl dress swaying, gliding, floating across the white marble floor. You swirl the white wine in your glass, watching the couple with a soft grin.

The bride locks eyes with a you, a soft smile growing before she excuses herself, sharing a chaste kiss with her partner before walking over to you.

“You know,” she coos “Olivia is single`” hooking her arm with your own, tugging on it gently. Your eyebrows jump, taking a sip of the sweet liquid in hand “And she’s mentioned once or twice that she finds you really attractive.” she adds. You hum, nodding as you continue to look around the room, catching sight of your parents dancing together “That’s great and all but I’m not interested, Lea-” you’re cut off by a whine, a smile gradually growing on your lips at your best friends childishness.

“Are you serious? You won’t even at least attempt to get to know her? Bring her drink, at least?” Leah shakes your arm, a frown setting in. You let out a soft chuckle, eyes finally setting on your best friend “Talk to her, yes. Anything that involves romantic tendencies? No.” You utter. Leah purses her lips, staring at you, clearing in deep thought, “What?” you let out a small chuckle. Never liking the way she stared at you when she was deep in thought, you knew she was either scheming or pondering.

The bride sighs’, placing her chin on your shoulder “Don’t you think it’s time to move on..” her voice is gentle “time to—find someone you can spend the rest of your life with.”

The corner of your lip perks up, you ask “Like you?” internally cringing. Not meaning for it to come out as bitter as it did. You couldn’t be happier for Leah, really. But the thought of you being in a moment just like this, in a moment of complete bliss with the one woman you loved. Truly love, from the bottom and top of your heart.

Joining two different worlds together, not too far off but different enough considering you’d been working for stark industry— merging friends and family together. Knowing that you were hers and she, yours.

It hurt, still hurts.

Two and a half years had passed since the event of the accords. Two years since she had called you from an unknown number, asking you to bring her bag of necessities. Meeting in a alley way where she had rushed out of a black car, grabbing the duffle bag from your hands. Leaving you no time to ask questions. The look of regret in her eyes, and god you’d never seen them look so glossy in the 4 years you been together. She kissed you goodbye in a hurry, lasting no more than a few seconds. Not a single word exanged.

Even so, it was what the kiss held. Not just how they felt against your own in that moment. It was the passion and sorrow. She didn’t need to explain, or to apologize, you knew what she had done was for a good reason. There was always a good reason behind Natasha’s decisions and you were sure you’d understand this one, eventually.

The only thing she had left with you, besides some of her belongings and pictures of the two of you together, was a piece of paper. You’d found it in your jean pocket weeks later. A bittersweet note, really. Yet, you couldn’t help the smile that grew upon your lips.

“You’ll always be my person.” - Natalia

“Thinking about her?” Leah’s voice drew you from your thoughts, her gentle eyes staring into the side of your face. You nod, because who else would you be thinking of in a moment like this? “Where do you think she is now..” you wondered, your eyes drifting down to your now empty glass “Considering the current events occurring- aliens invaders and what not, I’m sure she somewhere in the world fighting.” Leah hummed, a smirk of her own growing hearing you snicker.

Of course Leah was firm on continuing the same day of an alien attack— one of the things you loved about her— despite some of guests not being able to make an appearance. As long as it was in upper New York and away from the madness and everyone one of her guests were safe, she couldn’t care less. Today was her special day after all.

“Yeah, yeah she probably is-“ The sounds of glasses shattering cut you off, head snapping up. Silence cutting through.

The room that was once full of bustling people, laughter and joyful conversations. Now just filling with music. The once white marble floor covered in murky grey dust, food, liquids and glass mixed in. Some guests in daze, confusion, horror. Children and teens a like in a daze. Your breath hitches as everything seemingly slows down, eyes never shifting from the sight in front of you. Any other sound but your heartbeat drowning out the latter.

What the fuck was happening? What the fuck had just happened?

None of it made sense.

Your family.

Your parents. Your siblings.

Oh god.

Just as you take a step forward a voice calls out. “Y/N-Y/N.” A shaky voice breaks your trance. You let out a shaky breath, breath you didn’t realize you were holding “Y-Yeah?” You look to your right. _Leah. Oh shit, Leah. _“What-“ she rasps, her breath ragged. The woman grips onto your shoulders, fingers digging in as she gradually becomes weaker. You eyes dart down to her body, widening at the site before you.

“Your legs..” you mumble, arms tracing around her mid, giving her now—light body, support. Forgetting the glass in hand, dropping it completely “Everything is going to be ok.” You assure her, more yourself, eyes locked onto her own.

“Y/N-“

You watch as her face folds in on itself, crumbles. The dust dropping onto your arms and hands, covering them.

Your best friends ashes.

Those were her ashes.

Your eyes skatter about the remnants of her, your one of your closest friends. Your mouth props open as you try to speak, try to let out anything. But your throat is so dry, so tight, all the emotions you’re feeling just stuck there.

Everyone had crumbled into nothing but mounds of ash. All it took were a few seconds, that’s it.

Seconds.

——

Days.

Weeks.

Months.

It had been months since the events had occurred. It had taken you weeks just to get back to the city. Back home. With all the cars that had been abandoned during the dusting, the accidents that resulted from it. Hundreds injured, hundreds dead and with them millions gone. Because of him.

Thanos.

You knew the avengers were had done their best. Fought with their hearts and souls. Putting everything on the line, even their stupid fued.

What’s worse is some of the basic resources had holted in the last few weeks. Some phone services were down. One of them—unfortunately— was yours. The only time you were lucky enough to have any form of service was when you had wifi. Using social media to get in contact with with the rest of your friends and family. As well as checking the news.

You pulled your car into the driveway of the avengers compound, music playing through the speakers . The rain blending into it in the background. Being that you were still an hours away from the city, from your loft, you decided to bunk it out here for a while.

Not really sure who was left at this point though. You’d hope that at least half of the avengers were still around.

Hoping Natasha wasn’t one of the victims.

Turning off the car engine, the music coming to a hold, steady rain filling the void. Sighing, you throw your head back. The last thing you needed was to think about the ‘what if‘s’. They only made you more anxious with time. Maybe, the reason you’d felt so calm in the few weeks is because of hope. You had hope. Hope that she was somewhere, out there on earth.

Running through all the what if’s. What if she’s not here? What if she was badly injured?

What if she’s gone? Forever this time.

Swallowing back the lump in your throat, you look up, seeing a figure under an umbrella walking towards your car. Frowning with smidge of hope in your heart that it’s one of your long time friends at the least, you step out of the car.

Slamming the car door shut, squinting slightly as you slowly watch the figure get closer before it slowly comes to a holt.

And everything stops.

Your breathing, your thoughts, your heart. It all stops.

Because she’s there. She’s right here, feet firmly planted to the ground. A solid form. For the first time in three years, Natasha’s physically here and she couldn’t look any less beautiful since you last saw her.

And she’s looking at you, with those damn eyes.

Their screaming at you. So much emotion swimming in them.

The way she’s staring at you, like she’s hoping that it’s truly you. That it’s not her mind playing tricks because the last thing she needs is that. After all they’ve lost. After everything she’s lost. A cruel trick is the last thing she needed.

“Nat..” you rasp, as you take a few steps forward in front of the car. Your eyes glossing over gradually. Her hair may be a different color, a rustic blonde bundled in a pretty braid. Yet, you’d recognize her either way. Even without the signature red.

She doesn’t answer. She can’t find her voice to answer.

“It’s really you, isn’t it?” You let out a watery chuckle, as you walk closer. You need to know if it’s truly her. To see her up close with your own eyes.

As you step in front of her you reach up, placing your hand over hers, pulling the umbrella up. you can see how tired she is. How exhausted she must feel. You can only guess what she’s been through in the last few months.

You watch as a tear slides down her cheek. Then another, slowly dripping down. Brows knitting in you watch her features, because for the first time in years, you’re seeing her cry. Seeing a new emotion from her.

Natasha drops her umbrella, arms looping around your neck in a spilt second, pulling you closer to her body. “You’re here.“ she whispers in your ear, her fingernails scraping over your scalp. “I thought you were gone too.” She admits, pulling back to look over your features. “I went to your apartment, you weren’t there. I called you. I-“ She gasps “I didn’t stop looking- couldn’t stop looking for you.”

Nodding, you grip hold her tighter. You know she’d never stop looking, hoping.

Your thumbs wiping away her tears— what you think are tears, not being able to tell with the rain— before leaning your forehead against hers, end of your lip curling slightly “It’s ok..” you breath, trying your best reassure her. Knowing that those were the words Natasha needed the most right now. Maybe it wasn’t all ok. With everything that had happened, it wasn’t ok but in this moment, it was. And just ok was enough.

Because even if they World was ending, you two would always find your way back to one another.

Even if you two had decided to end things. That you weren’t meant for eachother, it was fine. Natasha would always be the person you’d want to spend your last day on earth with. Everything else would be irrelevant.

That you knew.

Leaning in, your lips brush against hers. Testing the waters, making sure that this is what she wanted. That her heart still yearned for yours just as much as your own did and it clear when she leans in, pressing her lips to yours.

Moving together with such passion. Such love.

You can feel everything she’s held back in the last three years with the way she’s kissing you. The unspoken apology, the regret, the love she couldn’t give you, and the relief. Relief that the person she held dearly, the person she wanted to be with for the rest of your days. Was here, right here.

You were are her person.

[myriadimagines]

Preference: Marvel (MCU)

— how they react to your compassion

Characters: Stephen Strange, Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff

Warnings: —

Requester: anonymous

Request: “Preference for Scarlet Witch, Doctor Strange, & Captain America who’s s/o carries a quiet, resolute strength but is soft which in turn saves everyone in Endgame, including Thanos by being compassionate. If it’s not too troublesome search up ‘Sailor Moon S Scene - Hotaru Sacrifice And Reborn’ to make sense of this request if it doesn’t already. Overall just thank you for your work as a writer!”

A/N: hope it’s okay, sorry for the edits i had to make to your request!

— STEPHEN STRANGE

Stephen finds your compassion rather endearing, if not naive. He thinks it’s very innocent of you, to always want to see good in the world, whilst he’s much more on the pessimistic side of things. Although he loves you, he would underestimate you unintentionally, and you’d have to deal with his patronising comments every now and then about how you shouldn’t always be so nice to people he doesn’t think deserve it. It would take him a while to realise that your kindness is not equivalent to weakness, and that your kindness carries its own strength that Stephen isn’t familiar with. Stephen will eventually learn to cherish and value your compassion, as it’s something the world needs more of. 

— STEVE ROGERS

Steve adores your kind heart, and it’s one of the main reasons why he fell in love with you. He values compassion, and thinks that having a kind heart during times of peril is so incredibly important. You very much look up to Steve, not knowing how much he looks up to you and admires you in return. He’s already a compassionate man at heart, but you inspire him to be as kind as he can, especially on his hardest days where he doesn’t know if he can keep fighting, to keep being brave as he knows he should be. He thinks your kindness makes you a natural leader, one that’s inspiring and powerful in your own way, and you often catch him smiling at you whilst you’re with your fellow Avengers.

— WANDA MAXIMOFF

Your kindness inspires Wanda, and she absolutely loves how you manage to stay so soft and caring in a world that she finds rather cruel. She’s had so much taken from her, has been traumatised and lost so much, and she knows that you’ve gone through your fair share of hardships and still managed to gentle. She sometimes feels as though being with you is the only thing she needs in the world, because she feels so at peace and happy when she’s around you. You make her feel as though she’s going to be okay, especially on her hardest days where she’s lost all hope, and you make her feel as though there’s still light and goodness out there in the world.

tag list: @proudchocolateaddict​ / @myfriendmagislit​ / @fire--pheonix​ / @sheridans-dynamos​ / @beautifulbows924​ / @writinqss​ / @woah-imagines​ / @steve-rogersirl​ / @gofandomsandotherstuff​ / @melannchoholic​ / @mockingjaygirl1221​ / @emmacata​ / @hauntedpocdreamer / @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt​ / @5aftermidnight​ / @fangirlsarah16​ / @cnco-babes​ / @floup-doodles​ / @diskateatscake​ / @bru-spanner​ / @real-fbi​ / @thisismysecrethappyplace​ / @natalia-helena-alianova-romanov / @fairytalesforever​ / @locke-writes​ / @lgbtonystarks​ / @ayanemoon / @batfam16​ / @girlofiron​ / @redbullchick​

[kingslcigh]

i took a trip into town and ran into THEODORE KINGSLEIGH at the general store. isn’t that the benevolent you told me about last week? the one who is TWENTY FIVE, as well as UNCONVENTIONAL and COMPASSIONATE? well, we didn’t chat for long, so i can’t say for sure, but i think you might be onto something…they even mentioned they want to FINISH GETTING THEIR M.D. like you said.

whaddup, angels ?? this tiny bean goes by the name rue ( she/her pronouns ) and i’ll be playing Soft Boy™, theodore kingsleigh. if you would like to hmu for plots / scream at me about connections all day long, please give this a BIG ‘OLE like and i’ll come wiggling into your dms shortly after. under the cut, you’ll find a brief summary about theo’s life. also all my connections and stats are listed over here and here if you want to check them out as well !! can’t wait to start interacting with your muses !!

+ disclaimer: below are a couple triggers such as alcoholism and death. please read at your own discretion, thank you.

THEODORE ALEXANDER KINGSLEIGH was born in the early hours of Spring in Birmingham, England to Duchess Adriana and Duke James of Devonshire, as well as a BROTHER for the young Christopher and Natalia. His arrival was MUCH-ANTICIPATED and there were celebrations for days prior to her introduction to the world. With his childhood consisting nothing more than LOVE and DEVOTION from his parents, Theodore had nothing to complain about. His parents loved their children dearly, especially Theodore, whose pure heart and open-mindedness they helped to cultivate: they encouraged Theodore’s belief in EXTRAORDINARY things and hoped he had carried it throughout his life growing up. His parents had always made him promise to have courage and be kind to others, for—as they explained to him—KINDNESS HAS POWER, and that they would see him through all the trials that life could offer, in life and death. His relationship with his brother, however, is a bit ESTRANGED. As much as he loves his elder brother and wishes they could see eye-to-eye, sometimes they have a tendency to butt heads often. Whether that might mean your typical SIBLING ARGUMENTS or FULL-ON BLOWN OUT FIGHTS, they just can’t seem to see get along.

When he was only two week old, Theodore and his family moved back to their home in DEVON, ENGLAND where his father, who held a high position in nobility there, was a DUKE: which, by all means gave him the title of Lord. Growing up, he never really MINDED being referred to as Lord Theodore, but sometimes because of his title, a lot of the children in his hometown would make fun of him for being a boring ‘wannabe royal’. And as time went on, he started to REGRET his father’s position and so, as he aged swore to himself that he would never introduced himself as anything other than THEODORE and that was that.

Most people would describe Theodore as The Benevolent. Despite being in a world where there’s HATRED and SUFFERING, Theodore declares himself independent and strong-willed by remaining KIND-HEARTED and SELF-LOVING, not allowing the bitterness surrounding his life to overtake him and morph him into someone as cruel as the world seems to be every day. He makes the most of his life by remaining OPTIMISTIC of the possibilities of a brighter future. But besides that, he’s also witty and sarcastic. He is unafraid to STAND UP for himself when he feels he’s in the right–or at least, attempt to do so. And although he STRIVES to contain his optimism aura, he can fall into fits of frustration and ANNOYANCE quite often.

At the tender age of twelve, Theodore was destined to be married through an ARRANGED MARRIAGE to the only daughter of the Grand Duke of Tuscany, GABRIELA VALISARI, and the two were meant to wed at the age of eighteen. Gabriela and Theodore were BOTH from nobility in their respective towns and had grown up together. Throughout the years as they’ve aged, both had grown to care less and less about the TITLES that they might one day have to abide by. Instead, they had taken advantage of their semi-freedom and LAUGHED about the big shots they hung out with and sometimes, they would have McDonalds “friend dates”. Other times, without permission, would  go thrift shopping and then considerably DONATE to charities because they just didn’t care about money as long as they had each other.

Theodore had grown to LOVE Gabriela, and Gabriela had grown to love Theodore – which was all the better considering it was an arranged marriage and the two had FALLEN IN LOVE NATURALLY. But it didn’t matter whether it was an arranged marriage or not, because they were both LOST IN BLISSFUL  IGNORANCE and they made each other so happy. Everyone from a mile away could see it in their EYES how much they loved each other – and the happiness they shared was bestowed upon them by the OTHER HALF. Things between the two were absolute bliss and they were somehow always caught FLIRTING during fancy dinner parties, and then occasionally sneak away while everyone bores themselves with BUSINESS TALK and PETTY GOSSIP to wander around on the beach wearing a tux and an evening gown.

To the two teens, their ever-growing, BUDDING ROMANCE was almost like a fairytale come to life, but with REALITY, not everyone can have a happily ever after. Two years before they were meant to be married, TRAGEDY struck the hearts of the Valisari household when their daughter had been in the crossfire of a terrible car accident on his way back to her home. The crash was so INTENSE, Gabriela unfortunately died instantly. When news of what had happened came to light, everyone was in UTTER MOURNING. The death of Gabriela was hard on the citizens who had adored her in every aspect of her life, but moreover, her MOTHER took it the hardest. Since the death of her daughter, she had begun drinking excessively to the point where she died from ALCOHOL POISONING three months after. On the other hand, her father tried his hardest to be the leader he was for the sake of the people, but even he BROKE DOWN several times.

As for Theodore, he was heartbroken and devastated. Upon hearing the news of what seemed to be a NIGHTMARE, the young boy at the time, never looked at love the same way again. For a moment, he seemed to have lost HOPE of truly being happy, but as time went on, he had realized that not living his best life wasn’t something Gabriela or his parents would have wanted for him. He remembered time again that Gabriela WANTED him to be happy and successful in his years to come. She told him that even if life throws a curve-ball, he has to be prepared to swing for a HOME RUN. So, of course, he took what he was told to heart and continued living life to the FULLEST.

When Theodore turned eighteen, he decided he wanted to continue his studies and go to UNIVERSITY in America. His life and responsibilities in England weren’t over, but knew he wanted to have CHANGE OF SCENERY and start a fresh beginning.  He LOVED to travel and in his days of traveling alongside his father for years, he wanted to expand his experiences more. His parents, of course, were HESITANT about allowing him to leave country but as time went on, they couldn’t help but allow him to travel to America for his continued studies only with ONE condition: he must travel with a bodyguard. This condition was something Theodore would have to abide by, but it also made his life DIFFICULT every time someone suspiciously asked who the creepy-looking guy following him around everywhere was.  So, with that being said, he packed his bags and ended up going to the other side of the globe to NEW YORK to study Illustration, Photography, and Human Physiology. He’s been there ever since and hasn’t looked BACK. Now that he has graduated in undergrad, finished his 1st Masters in Photography - he’s currently working remotely on his M.D. while being in STARDEW VALLEY.

[natashasbanner]

Romanov’s (For The Best)

A year after they fixed everything, Bruce was finding it hard to move on. He lost so much that day. But one day he stumbles upon a little cafe with a familiar name. It's almost too good to be true.

A/N: This idea completely came from thegirlsinthefirehouse, I couldn’t help myself and had to run with it. I hope you all enjoy because when they sent me this idea, I was in love.

Also on AO3

Bruce was lost.

It had been a year since they got the stones and brought everyone back and Bruce was struggling. In one day, Tony, Steve as they knew him and Natasha were all gone. And so was Hulk. He felt it when he put on the gauntlet, but the effects didn’t kick in until weeks later. It was like an extremely slow transformation back into himself. He was just Bruce again after a few months.

It was jarring and took some getting used to, but he got by. Just another thing lost that day.

He moved away from New York the first chance he got. He couldn’t take it. They were remodeling the tower and not a day went by when there wasn’t some sort of Iron Man memorial or celebration. He stayed in New Asgard until the transformation was over and then he went to San Francisco to study time travel with Dr. Pym and Dr. van Dyne.

For a little while he was consumed with it, but when he was alone the crushing loneliness and guilt threatened to drown him. He couldn’t bring Nat back and it haunted him, that paired with the pain in his arm kept him up most nights.

He thought the arm would heal with time but he was wrong. The burns healed, leaving his entire right arm, shoulder and part of his neck badly scarred. The nerves were fried, but he got a little movement back. Just another thing he’d learn to live with.

It was lunchtime and he’d been wandering the city for over an hour looking for a place to eat. Nothing sounded good, but his appetite hadn’t completely died with his green other half. He was about to give up and go back to his apartment when a tiny cafe tucked between a hardware store and a bookshop caught his eye. The name printed on the window stopped him in his tracks.

Romanov’s

For a moment he thought he was seeing things, but it didn’t change after he blinked a few times. It was just a coincidence, she spelled it differently, but he couldn’t deny his piqued interest. A car horn shook him out of his daze and he hurried across the street.

He reached for the door handle but hesitated.

“What am I doing?” he muttered to himself and took a step back to let someone else go inside.

This was ridiculous. The exact thing he’d been trying to avoid. Why set himself up for inevitable disappointment when he knew what he really wanted wasn’t waiting on the other side of that door.

Maybe going back to his apartment was a good idea after all. He turned and started in the direction of his apartment, but something inside the cafe caught his attention and any rational instinct went out the window.

He threw open the door and joined the short line that had formed at the counter. He craned his neck to get a better view of the person working the register. He could have sworn he saw.

He shook his head at himself. And started to leave, but then the doors to the back opened and the flash of red he caught reemerged and there she was.

Natasha, in the flesh, wearing the cafe’s uniform. There were plates stacked up her arms and a big smile on her face as she walked out to drop plates off at the tables. He watched her until she disappeared through the doors again.

He didn’t know how or why, but he was certain. It was her.

And suddenly the walls felt like they were closing in on him and his heart rate spiked. Years ago he might have been worried about leveling the small restaurant, but now he was concerned he might pass out in line.

The back doors opened again and Natasha, or the very convincing look alike, took over for the girl at the register. And he was next in line.

On instinct he turned on his heel and bolted out the door as quickly as possible. He didn’t stop until he’d passed the bookshop and slipped into the alley to get his bearings.

He was losing it. It was the only explanation. For the last year, he thought he’d seen her and Tony countless times. In a crowd, he’d catch a glimpse of red or a sculpted goatee and for a moment he’d feel hope. But then his rational mind would kick in and he’d be left with this sinking feeling of disappointment.

But never has his mind conjured such a clear image. Maybe it was time to talk to someone. Pepper suggested it the last time he talked to her and Rhodey strongly agreed. He was working on it.

He didn’t know how long he stood, hunched over in the alley, but once he was calmed down he arrived at the decision that he had to go back. He was certain he was seeing things, his mind so desperate for his friends it’s started to hallucinate them. But a small part of him, a very loud small part was telling him to go back, to make absolutely certain it wasn’t the impossible staring him in the face.

Mind made up, Bruce pushed off the wall and headed back to the cafe. He took a breath and opened the door, his eyes on the floor. He lifted his head as the door closed behind him and his heart dropped into his stomach.

She was still there, standing behind the cash register looking directly at him. She was smirking and his heart ached at the sight of it. She looked like he remembered, except the hair that she hadn’t bothered to dye back before was back to her natural red.

“Was it something I said?” she asked and it was music to his ears.

He looked over his shoulder to make sure she was talking to him before stepping up to the counter.

“Sorry?”

“You ran out of here like you’d seen a ghost,” she said, tapping around on the screen in front of her.

Bruce shook his head and patted his pants pockets. “I thought I left my wallet next door.”

He pulled it out of his pocket as proof, but there wasn’t a question in her eyes. She just continued to smile at him. He was at a loss for words and confused and his mind was blank. He must look silly, but there was nothing he could do.

“What can I get you?”

“Oh, uh, right,” he glanced up at the menu, but he glanced back down at her a heartbeat later. “Sorry, I’ve never been here.”

“Really?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “You look very familiar.”

He let out a breathy chuckle and looked back at the menu. “Must have one of those faces. I didn’t even know this place existed.”

“Been here almost ten years, you must be new to the city.”

He shrugged. “Few months. You’ve been working here the whole time?”

She laughed. “I should hope so, I own the place.”

His eyes snapped back down to her and he raised an eyebrow. “What would you recommend, Ms. Romanov?”

“The caprese panini my personal favorite and the tomato basil soup is my specialty,” she said tapping around on her screen again.

“Sold,” he said with a chuckle, his stomach rumbling loudly.

Bruce felt his cheeks warm and he scuffed his foot against carpet he was standing on.

“Here or to-go?”

“To-go. Please.”

To her credit she didn’t laugh, just focused on her screen and told him his total. “And my name’s not Romanov by the way.”

“Oh, uh, I’m sorry,” he apologized quickly handing over the cash. “I just figured with the name being printed on the window and all.”

She shrugged and handed him his receipt. “The name came with the building, I figured I draw in old and new customers.”

“Smart.”

“It’s Banner,” she said with a soft smile. “Natalia Banner.”

Bruce swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. That had to be some sort of cruel joke.

He cleared his throat. “Bruce.”

“Nice to meet you, Bruce.”

“Likewise.”

A bag appeared in window behind the counter and she turned to retrieve it. She slid it across the counter, but slid it back a little when he reached for it. She smirked and pushed it over to him. Their fingers brushed when he grabbed the handles and he saw her eyebrows wrinkle momentarily before she shook her head.

“Welcome to the city, Bruce,” she said. “Come see us again.”

His smile was involuntary as he backed toward the door. “Thanks. I will, uh definitely.”

His back hit the door and she chuckled before moving back to the register to help the customer who just came in. He glanced over his shoulder again, just in time to see her laugh at something the customer said. He smiled sadly to himself and left the cafe.

As he slowly walked back to his apartment, he almost laughed at how ironic it all was. He fought tooth and nail to bring her back, that she could live to see the world restored. He thought he failed and in a sense he had. He didn’t bring back the Natasha they knew and loved, but this version looked happy. In her little, out of the way cafe.

He’d go back, but he wouldn’t intervene. Who was he to ruin this new life for her?

It was for the best.

[dfldslsd-blog]

introducing,

- ( rome flynn, cis-male ) do you know who THEODORE KINGSLEIGH is? yeah, they moved in FLOOR C about 1 YEAR ago. the 23 year old is a MED STUDENT. i heard some talk in the lobby that they’re +COMPASSIONATE and +TRUSTWORTHY, but honestly i think HE can be -UNCONVENTIONAL and -RECKLESS. all in all, they’re a real ANOMALOUS.

waddup, peeps ?? i’m late to the intro party as always, but this tiny bean goes by the name of rue ( she/her ) and i’ll be playing soft boy™, theodore kingsleigh. he’s pretty much a new faceclaim for me with an old character’s background. however, rome has recently become my forever fave, therefore i’m so excited to have the opportunity to play him !! if you would like to hmu for plots / scream about connections all day long, please give this a like and i’ll come wiggling into your ims ( or discord; find me at mlkhoney#2233 ) shortly after. under the cut, you’ll find a brief summary about theo and his life. also all my wcs are listed over here if you wanna check that out as well. his stats can be found here too. can’t wait to start interacting !!

+ disclaimer: very slight talks of cancer and mental health are below. read at your discretion.

layer one: the stats.

name. theodore alexander kingsleigh.

alias. people usually just call him by theodore but sometimes theo make an appearance.

title. over time, he has proudly deemed himself an obsessive plant lover, artistic nutcase, or one of the missing dead poets society members.

name meaning. his true significance of his name means God’s gift.

age. twenty-three years old.

gender identity. cis-male.

pronouns. he/him.

sexual orientation. predominately panromantic demisexual. it isn’t so much so that theo is completely disinterested in sex (he’s got a perfectly good libido, thank you very much), he just doesn’t find himself sexually attracted to people based on physical appearance or initial impressions. instead he finds personality, intellect, and existing emotional attachment considerably more compelling. the idea of intimacy with somebody he’s not close with rather repulses him.

current residence. seattle.

religion. he was raised roman catholic but converted to spiritual agnosticism when he was fifteen. he views that universal ethics and love are far more important than claims about any deity and trivialize the arguments supporting or rejecting such claims. to theo, it doesn’t matter which religion someone might follow, nor does it matter whether or not someone believes in god. what matters is what someone does, not what they believe. he has his parents’ full support in his switch even though the rest of his family practices catholism.

spoken languages. spanish (fluent/main), english (fluent/2nd main), french, and a bit of chinese.

education. graduated with a bachelors of science in human physiology as well as a bachelors of fine arts in illustration and photography. currently a medical student working on his masters.

layer two: the story.

- so this is my baby boy, theodore  kingsleigh and i love him sm ?? he usually goes by theodore, but on occasion people call him theo but he doesn’t care what people call him as long as it’s kind.

- theo was born in london, england to both loving and supportive parents named james and adriana. he lived there until he was six years old when his family moved to denver because his parents, who are both marine biologists, were located for work.

- his parents had him when they were both young.

- unlike his older siblings, theo wasn’t a bastard though. by the time he was born, his parents had already married.

- growing up, he had and still does, have a great relationship with his parents. with his childhood consisting nothing more than love and devotion from his parents, theo had nothing to complain about. his parents loved him dearly, whose pure heart  and open-mindedness they helped to cultivate. they encouraged theo’s belief in extraordinary things and hoped he had carried it throughout his life growing up. his parents had always made him promise to have courage and be kind to others, for—as they explained to him—kindness has power, and that they would see him through all the trials that life could offer, in life and death.

- cancer/mental illness tw: when he was thirteen, his mother had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. upon hearing the news, theo’s whole world clasped. not only was he at a pivotal stage in his life where everything was changing and becoming more stressful ( becoming a teenager, starting high school, going through puberty ), one of the most important people in his life had be claimed by the deadly disease altogether. so many thoughts and feelings were going through his mind at the time, that he ran himself physically sick and had experienced his first panic attack. he has since been medically diagnosed with panic disorder. thankfully the cells on his mother’s cervix were diagnosed at precancerous stage and the doctors were able to treat it because it developed and spread. however, that didn’t and doesn’t stop theo from being in a constantly state of panic every time his mother so much as feels pain or coughs due to irrelevant reasons. the entire year had changed him and his family for a while.

- he’s the youngest of three children: natalia, christopher, and theodore. his old brother, who is three years older than him and their relationship, however, is a bit estranged. as much as he loves his brother and wishes they could see eye-to-eye, sometimes they have a tendency to butt heads often. whether that might mean your typical sibling arguments or full-on blown out fights, they just can’t seem to see get along.

- most people would describe theo as the altruistic. despite being in a world where there’s hatred and suffering, theo declares himself independent and strong-willed by remaining kind-hearted and self-loving, not allowing the bitterness surrounding his life to overtake him and morph him into someone as cruel as the world seems to be every day. he makes the most of his life by remaining optimistic of the possibilities of a brighter future. but besides that, he’s also witty and sarcastic. he is unafraid to stand up for himself when he feels he’s in the right–or at least, attempt to do so. and although he strives to contain his optimism aura, he can fall into fits of frustration and annoyance quite often.

- he’s also super quiet and shy. he loves to make friends but because of his quiet complex, he usually has trouble speaking up and making his voice heard. he tends to become flustered a lot too when he can’t express his emotions; which he has trouble doing anyway when he’s not flustered.

- theo is capable of enduing tremendous hardship. though he may not handle difficulty in the healthiest or best way, often repressing emotion, he mostly like emerges on the other side. he doesn’t know how to express his emotions in a diplomatic way, but rather fumbles it all up and starts to ramble. rarely opens up because of this.

- went to college at university of denver as an undergrad. graduated with a bachelors of science in human physiology as well as a bachelors of fine arts in illustration and photography.

- moved to settle for his masters and has loved the small town ever since.

- currently in medical school to get his M.D.

- to put it plan and simple theodore is an art ho ( he’s even going to school for it ). theo always loved anything artistic. even when he was little, he would go around with his disposable camera and take pictures of everything and then take to paper to draw of all the things he had taken pictures of as well.

- he’s like a hippie dippy child of the universe. no joke. no seriously, his place at home is full of sensual shit and art. it’s getting out of hand and somebody needs stop him soon.

- he strongly believes that art is an umbrella term that relates to expressing of oneself ( not just through photography and painting ) and that everyone has the freedom to express themselves however they please. because of his beliefs, he chooses to break gender roles like bread and wears whatever the fuck he wants because yolo.

-  his appearance pretty much represents his hippie dippy lifestyle with him wearing all sorts of cute hipster shit. he’s clothes are v flow-y but don’t let that fool you. he doesn’t miss the opportunity to represent his upper-middle class within his style, so he does dress to impress, let me tell you ( he’s a fashion ho too ). his hair color changes sometimes too depending on his mood but it’s generally never too eccentric.

[masterofmunson]

Lovesick Syndrome

Bucky x Reader

Summary: The harder it is to deny yourself your soulmate, the sicker you become. Soulmate!AU

Word Count: 2.7k+

Warnings: angst, unrequited love, kinda anti-nat (still love her tho), fluff, everybody is sick yo

N/A: HEY GUYS!! I got inspiration and i came up with this! enjoy!!

It all started when Natasha came into the Compound after Steve and ‘his’ team returned from hiding in Wakanda. She came sauntering in with a stunning man on her arm. He had thick, dark, brown hair and gorgeous sea blue eyes. He wore a thick, black leather jacket with a dark blue Henley. He was absolutely breathtaking. He took her breath away with just the small smile he gave her when she politely introduced herself.

“Hi, I’m Y/n. It’s nice to meet you,” she said, extending her arm out in front of her for the gorgeous stranger to take.

“Hi, Y/n. I’m Bucky,” he replied, shaking her hand gently.

She had to bite back the gasp threatening to spill from her lips as their hands met. It felt as if fireworks shot out from her fingertips and spread to the rest of her body at his soft touch. His touch burned her, seared her soul into only wanting him. She immediately longed for him. She immediately wanted to love and cherish and protect him. She wanted to get to know him and his smile and his laugh.

She wondered if he felt it too.

Does his hand burn under her touch? Does he want to only want her? Does he want to love and cherish and protect her too?

She wouldn’t know.

Her eyes cast downward and his flesh hand is entwined with Natasha’s perfectly manicured fingers. His other hand, the hand that touched hers, the hand that was made from metal, falls softly out of her grasp.

A gut wrenching feeling enters her body. Her eyes find his again and silently search for any desire that he might’ve felt what she did.

She doesn’t and it kills her.

Her eyes follow her line, the line only her eyes can see. It sticks out of her chest like a sore thumb. The red pulsates with each thump of her heart. It’s loud and bright and wraps around Bucky’s wrist perfectly.

She’s terrified.

She’s terrified that he can see right through her. She’s terrified that her best friend, beautiful and sexy Natasha, noticed that she’s already unexplainably head over heels in love with her boyfriend and she knows nothing about him.

She knows no one can see her soul wrap perfectly around his wrist. She knows no one knows that she can see her soul line that leads to him. She knows that no one knows of her ability to see her own fate lay in the hands of someone else’s.

“Talia’s told me so much about you!” he grinned, making her heart thump loudly against her chest. “It’s glad to finally put a name to a face. I’m glad you and Nat are so close. It’s good to meet the girl that kept my girl out of trouble for so long until we met.”

Her heart shatters.

She watches Nat gush over her beloved boyfriend silently. Her eyes stare blankly at their entwined hands as they squeeze each other’s hands every so often. Words fall on deaf ears as conversation flows without her.

It feels like she can’t breathe. It’s like her world crumbled beneath her as the man she knows she’s meant to be with is, with no doubt, in love with someone else.

She thinks it’s cruel, the idea of soulmates, that is. Everyone’s destined to be with someone but what if that someone isn’t meant to be you? It’s a cruel sick joke that she realizes too little too late because she starts to suffer the consequences not soon after their first encounter.

It begins with the small things. The getting to know yous and cute innocent questions they’d ask each other.

“What’s it like living in a world where you’re older than sliced bread?” she teased with a smirk during breakfast one morning.

His reply was, “Better now that I don’t have to get crumbs all over me.”

It made her stomach flip.

Soon after that, her stomach would start to hurt. She’d make the mistake of brushing it off, blaming it on premenstrual cramps, but it wasn’t.

Then it got worse… and worse… and worse.

The closer her and Bucky became, the sicker she got and she knew why and it was unbearable. She let it fester and rot until it became her own cancer. Being close to Bucky, with Bucky, was killing her. It was destroying her.

The pain of watching the man she loved love someone else was affecting every aspect of her life.

She couldn’t eat because she would throw it up. She couldn’t sleep because it would keep her up. She couldn’t train as often enough because she was too weak.

Then she decided that she had enough. She had enough of the hungry and sleepless nights. She had enough of Bucky and Natasha’s love affair, even though she was a bystander and that she should be Natasha. She was done, done, done.

So she started to avoid him.

She switched her whole routine in order to avoid both Bucky and Natasha. She had Tony put a coffee machine in her room so she wouldn’t have to go to the kitchen to get it as well as a mini fridge for snacks that she wouldn’t have to go to the kitchen for. Tony pretty much put a whole kitchenette into her room to accommodate her situation with Bucky and Nat.

After all, he understood.

He understood the terrible sicknesses that she would fight off in order to maintain her daily life. He understood the pain and heartache she was going as she watched her soulmate fall in love with someone else. He understood all too well and was more than willing to help her move past it as best as he could.

Sam and Wanda were the same way.

They hated that their best friend was suffering from unimaginable, unthinkable pain that they couldn’t help get better. Instead, they helped make it tolerable for her.

They changed her training schedule to their own session together and helped her stay clear of Bucky and Natasha. She was grateful towards her friends. They weren’t going to let her suffer alone. They were going to help her and it touched her.

She slowly started to regain her strength. She was stronger, healthier since she started to avoid Bucky. She returned to going on missions and she was able to eat and sleep regularly. Bucky was on the back burner. She no longer stared at the black ink adoring her heart in the dead of night cursing anyone and everyone for having his name imprinted on her precious skin. She ignored it like the man the name belonged to.

Avoiding Bucky and Natasha lasted weeks. She was avoiding them for so long that she can’t remember the last conversation she had with either of them. It had been that long.

Then it was short lived.

It happened when she was bar hopping with Sam and Wanda on one of their off days.  

She was having a blast dancing and singing along to whatever song was playing at a club they found themselves in. She was slightly tipsy and she was clinging to Sam as they followed the beat of the song on the dance floor.

She was happy. She was healthy.

In that moment, she didn’t want anything else. In that moment, she was fine with the life she had.

Near the bar, however, stood Bucky with his arms crossed as he watch Sam and Y/n have the time of their lives.

He was fuming with anger.

She had been avoiding him for weeks. She changed her training schedule to Sam and Wanda’s session. He no longer saw her at breakfast, lunch, or dinner. She no longer came to Tony’s parties. It was like she disappeared.

He doesn’t know why she’s avoiding him. He doesn’t know why she cut him off. He doesn’t know why it hurts so much.

Since she started to avoid him, he started to get insanely sick, which frightened Natasha and Steve. He was a Super Soldier. He’s not suppose to get sick, but he was.

He kept throwing up. He kept having the shivers. He kept coughing. He kept shaking. He wasn’t getting better and it scared Natasha and Steve. Him getting sick was suppose to be impossible, but there he was, laying in bed for the eighth day in a row.

None of the medicines or antibiotics were helping. Resting wasn’t working. Nothing seemed to be working.

“There’s only one other thing that I can think of that can be causing you all this sickness, Bucky,” Doctor Cho sighed, brushing a stray hair out of her face as she looked at Bucky nervously.

“What is it, Doc?” he asked nervously, sitting up in his chair. Natasha squeezes his hand.

“Are you aware of the Lovesick Syndrome?” she asked. He shook his head. “What it means, in a sense, is that you’re denying yourself of your soulmate. Your mind, body, and soul aren’t entwined with the mind, body, and soul of your soulmate, so it makes you unbearably sick. You can’t stomach the thought of being away from your soulmate, but they either a. don’t know or b. think that they or you are possibly in love with someone else, so you are the one that suffers and gets incredibly sick.”

His heart drops into his stomach and Natasha’s hand slips from his back into her lap. Helen leaves the room and the room is consumed with silence. The only thing he can hear is Natasha’s ragged breathing.

“Natalia,” he croaked, turning his head towards her. He knows she knows but he also knows that it doesn’t hurt any less.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, staring at the ground. A tear slips down her cheek. “I know. It’s okay.”

His chest tightens.

She knows.

“I love you, Natalia. You must know that. You have to know that,” he pleads.

It hurts him too, seeing her this way, because he does love her, but not in that way. Not anymore. He wants her to know that what they had was real. He wants her to know that he did think of her as his soulmate.

“I know, it’s just not in that way. Not anymore, at least.”

“Nat, please—”

“Bucky, just… go. Don’t make this harder than it already is,” she interrupted quietly.

He did.

That was two days ago.

Two long days of silence and more sickness, if that’s even possible.

He knows what, rather who, is causing all this sickness. It makes him angry and guilty and giddy. All he wants to do is talk to her, but it seems to be an impossible task, up until he saw her, Sam, and Wanda slip out of the Compound on an off day. He follows behind, careful not to give himself away.

Now, as he stands a mere 50 feet from her, he can’t help but feel so stupid.

From the moment they met, he was hers, but in every sense of the word, he was Natasha’s. He still showered her with love and affection as his heart slowly started to belong to Y/n but he didn’t do anything because he was with Natasha. He can’t help but feel guilty. He caused Y/n so much pain… so much sickness. It breaks his heart that he broke hers.

He weaves through the endless drunken bodies of the club towards her. He stands behind her and takes a deep breath before brushing his flesh hand against her arm.

Her arm burns and she spins around, face to face with Bucky. Her smile faulted and she harshly pulls her arm out of his grasp, cradling the spot her touched.

Sam and Wanda steps in front of her and it makes him angry even though he knows they’re just trying to protect her.

“I need to talk to you. Please let me talk to you,” he begged over the loud music as their eyes meet.

“It’s okay Sam, Wanda. I can handle this,” she said, resting a hand on each of their shoulders.

“Let us know if you need anything, alright?” Sam demanded softly, pulling her in for a brief hug. She nods into his chest before walking out of the club with Bucky hot on her tail.

They walk in silence for awhile before coming across a park bench. They both sit down with plenty of distance between each other.

“I think I know why you’ve been avoiding me,” he whispered into the dark night.

“I don’t think you do,” she spat back defensively, turning her head to him.

“If you don’t think I do, why are you getting so defensive?” he countered.

“Because it’s the only way I know how to protect myself without getting hurt.”

Silence consumes the pair again and her hands rub up and down her arms, attempting to rid the burning sensation Bucky gave her on her arm. Her eyes followed the cars driving past them and she suddenly wishes that she was anywhere else but on the park bench next to Bucky because he knows.

He knows that he’s her soulmate. He knows that she’s in love with him and he won’t say it.

He won’t say it because he doesn’t love her the way she loves him. He won’t say it because she’s not his soulmate even though he’s hers.

She was a glitch, a mistake.

“I know you have Lovesick Syndrome,” he states in the dark, stealing a glance at her.

Her breathing gets caught in her throat and she stares at him. She certainly wasn’t expecting that. “What?”

“Lovesick Syndrome. It’s what you get when you deny yourself your soulmate That’s why you’ve been sick, isn’t it?”

She scoffs bitterly, rolling her eyes, “I can’t deny myself of anything–of my soul mate–if he wasn’t mine to begin with,” she snapped.

He winces. He hadn’t thought of what she might be feeling.

She still doesn’t know that he’s no longer with Natasha. She doesn’t know that he too, suffered from Lovesick Syndrome. She doesn’t know and he needs to tell her.

“I know this because I’ve been denying myself of my soulmate too,” he confessed quietly.

Her breathing stutters and her eyes widen in shock. That made no sense to her. How could he be denying himself of his soulmate? Natasha was his soulmate. She had to be. He looked so in love with her.

“What?”

He nods with a soft smile. “I’ve been suffering from Lovesick Syndrome too.”

A lump forms in her throat as the gears in her head start to turn. He knows she’s putting two and two together as her eyes search his for any shred of hesitation or trick or doubt in his eyes. She finds none.

“So does that mean I’m your–you’re my…” she doesn’t finish her sentence because she’s too scared to. Soulmate… could that be her reality? Could she finally be happy?

“Soulmate?” he asks. She nods wordlessly. “Yeah, pumpkin, it does.”

“What about… what about you and Nat?” she whispers quietly, tearing her eyes away from his beautiful blues.

“After I found out why I kept being sick, we ended things. It’s not fair to her. I couldn’t be with her while my heart belonged to someone else.”

She nods again. She doesn’t know what to say.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, inching his fingers closer to hers. “I didn’t mean to put you in so much pain… get you so sick. If I realized earlier that I was in love with you, I would’ve ended things with Nat sooner. I’m so incredibly sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” she said quietly, meeting his gaze. “Avoiding you seemed like the best idea. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I had to protect myself.”

“I understand. Can we forgive each other?”

She nods with a beautiful smile. “Of course. I forgive you.”

“There’s that beautiful smile I love,” he grins, moving closer to her. “I forgive you too.”

Her smile widens and she moves so their hands entwine. Her fingers squeeze his gently and he moves down so their foreheads touch. She slowly presses her mouth against his and he eagerly responds.

He pushes against her and kisses her with every ounce of passion and love he has for her inside him. His fingers card through her hair and she smiles against his mouth.

His touch no longer burned her; it excited her.

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