#'you need to figure this out yourself' what do you think ive been trying to do!!!!!!!

[eorzeashan]

I keep thinking of how Watcher 2 goes uh, Cipher, there were no ghosts in the Dark Temple, which genuinely baffled both me and Eight, because she's completely sincere about it. Like you don't believe in ghosts but you believe in guys who shoot lightning and lift things with their minds...? What do you think made those people go insane then, a gas leak?

It's actually pretty typical within SWTOR for Imperials not to question superstitious matters or anything related to the Force either out of purposeful lack of knowledge, unwillingness to believe in it given how technologically advanced the Empire is and so they defer to science, or plain fear of the unknown and everything associated with the Force, but it's always a bit of an interesting shock seeing where particular officers lines lie about it. In Watcher 2's case, spirits do not exist. Regardless of the walking specter who made your personnel be in pain for no reason a few hours prior, cough.

Eight's the rare example of an Imperial who is immediately ready to accept and understand these outlying forces so he definitely believed there were spirits and other things at work, but more than that, I headcanon that Jadus sent him into the Dark Temple alone not just as a test of skill, but to test if their Force bond had manifested and would protect him from its malicious influences. In which case, it absolutely did and the agent emerges unscathed from the Temple of babbling soldiers. This also minorly awakens Eight's potential to see the world through Jadus' eyes, and so he has proof of the mysticism that other Imps refuse to accept-- another point that most likely makes investigative branches like the IRS looked down upon.

In other words, though he can't affect such things and is more Force-blind than Theron, Eight has become a medium of sorts because of his powerful connection to Jadus that leaves a mark on his being and has the willingness to quite literally open his mind to these forces. This makes him more attuned to odd situations that involve the Dark Side while retaining a self that is utterly mundane, so he acts as a sort of middle-man between the world of Sith and Imperials: the perfect union of the force and force-blind.

In the basic class story, it hasn't manifested fully but by the time of KOTFE/ET, it takes a dramatic spike in power because of Valkorion's influence and the extreme growth he and Jadus forced on each other in order to win that final battle. This is explained in-game as Valkorion leaving the ability to use the Force or amplifying it after the expacs, but Eight will never have the ability to use it, and I have no intention of ridding him of being normal despite all the ways he isn't. However, Eight and Jadus pull out all the stops to defeat the former Emperor and this nearly kills the former-- he collapses immediately after the two Sith have a psychic battle in his head and his vitals flatline, to which Lana and Theron panic. Then, Jadus himself finally appears in the flesh and whisks his Hand away. The two Alliance directors are unable to stop him, weak as they are by the battle, and no sign is found of either Eight or Jadus when the dust clears.

Eight is found weeks later in a hidden facility with no recollection of what happened prior, though he's purposefully vague about his "savior", and what happened between them. When Lana touches him, she feels a shock-- and realizes it's Eight, who she feels all the more keenly through the Force. He realizes this too, and those eyes that bore into her now look past her vestige into the depths of her soul. It feels like someone else is there. She cuts off the temporary connection immediately, the sense of wrongness remaining.

Eight still isn't force-sensitive. Nothing registers even when they test him.

And yet, no one can explain how he sees things he shouldn't, and how it's even possible for him to connect with others in this way. They leave it as another mystery surrounding the agent with no name.

[gibbearish]

hi i’m not really sure how to do this but i came from your uquiz and you seem knowledgeable and nice and so i’m asking you a question now i’m sorry

uhm, so, i think i maybe might be trans (ftm) because i’m super dysphoric and i sometimes look at guys and i get really jealous because they just get to, like, exist like that (i’m not really sure what the “that” is, but god, do i want it) and i very much don’t and when i refer to myself using he/him pronouns in my head it feels, uhm, at the risk of being a cliche, right, i guess.

but the thing is that i don’t really fit into any of the stereotypical trans guy things. like a lot of my friends when i was little were girls and though i have some stereotypically masculine hobbies (sports and physics) i also sew, and when i was little i was obsessed with being a princess for like a month before i started refusing to wear dresses.

i don’t think i’m non-binary, i tried using they/them pronouns this summer and while they didn’t actively hurt like she does, they didn’t really feel right.

so, like, am i lying to myself? i don’t know, maybe i just want to be special (i don’t want it, though, if i could just be happy as a girl i would).

sorry i just unloaded half an essay on you you obviously don’t have to reply and i know you’re probably not qualified to answer anyway, i just needed to tell someone, you know?

anyways, i hope you’re having a nice night or day or whatever. thank you, for, like, existing on the internet i guess. your quiz was very nice. bye.

howdy anon! dw i am always glad to answer questions abt this stuff even tho it make take me a while lol

my best advice for situations like this is i know its easy but don't let yourself get caught up in the trap of "well this is the label that makes me feel best but i dont technically check off every single box for it so am i just lying?" people arent video game quests, you dont have to hit every single box for it to count, youre allowed to have stuff fall outside the technical definition of a term while still calling yourself it. im very similar to you, i was in tap and ballet growing up, wore dresses and makeup for most of highschool, sewing crocheting knitting the whole shebang. but the important part is that none of those things make a difference to your identity. knowing how to sew doesnt make you a girl, it can just make you a guy who knows how to sew. its a thing you do, not who you are.

all that being said, i think another helpful angle to look at things is "does the distinction between two similar labels actually make a difference to me?" using myself as an example again, i dont call myself a trans man because while i do prefer presenting masculine, for some reason the term 'man' just doesnt feel right for me. but at the same time, to the rest of the world that's functionally what i am, right? so does that change /who/ i am? no. so for me personally, ive deliberately chosen not to file myself into either "trans man" or "nonbinary" and just move on with my day, because to me it doesnt actually make a difference which one i am, im still gonna stay on t, i still want top surgery, i still want to be perceived masculine, and thats not gonna change no matter what name is on the box so who gives a shit. just do what makes you happy

[paralien]

the constant juxtaposition between wanting and needing people to see just how badly you're hurting and giving you comfort and attention, but also the need to come across as cheerful and friendly so people won't get exhausted by you bc peoples pity is finite and God do you need the attention

[forhappysake]

"Because I love you."

A/N - Guys I'm really into these sappy pieces recently. Pls feel free to send requests for something else if inspired. Also, I might be doing a pt.3 to Teach Me at some point, I just have to pick where the story is going.

Summary - A showdown with an unsub leaves you in the hospital. Spencer can't help but feel guilty. Could almost losing you push him to confess his love? (spoilers: yes it does)

Warnings - spencer x reader, BAU level violence, some angst on Spencer's part, fluff, and a love confession

You stared down at your hands, battered and bloodied from your futile attempts to fight back. Caught off guard during an interview with a man who was only supposed to be an eye witness,  not the unsub himself, forced you to fight for your life. By the time the neighbors heard the scuffle and called the local police to come to your rescue, you figured you looked like you’d been through seven rounds of an MMA fight. Your head ached, your eye was swollen shut, and you nearly cried in agony with every breath as you were certain you’d broken a rib. 

After a tense standoff with the local police, the unsub was in custody, leaving you on the floor with your many wounds. You managed to stand yourself up and walk out the door to the waiting ambulance, only to collapse into the EMT’s arms. You felt yourself being loaded in the back of the vehicle as they started an IV. As consciousness drifted away from you, you couldn’t help but wonder where your team was. 

***

You awoke in the hospital to the steady sound of your heart monitor beeping and muffled conversation from outside your room. Your bloodied clothes had been traded in for a hospital gown at some point, and your midsection was bound tightly with some sort of bandages, you assumed to keep your rib in place. You managed to open your good eye in an attempt to find the source of those muffled voices. Your eyes landed on Emily and JJ speaking in the corner of the room, voices hushed. 

“He can’t blame himself. None of us saw this coming,” Emily said, her voice stern but laced with concern. 

JJ shook her head. “He feels terrible, Emily. I’ve seen him come in and out of here crying three times in the last two hours. He rarely cries.” 

Who could they be talking about?

Emily looked at the floor in silence, trying to formulate a reply. JJ cleared her voice to speak again. “They’re partners, Emily,” JJ said, “Of course he’s going to blame himself.” 

Spencer. 

Deciding you’d had enough of eavesdropping, you did your best to sit up, only to let out a whimper when a sharp pain pierced your side. JJ and Emily turned to face you, surprised looks on both their faces. 

“Hey, just lay back,” JJ encouraged. She rushed to the bedside, placing a soothing hand on your arm.

“How long have I been asleep?” you asked. 

Emily shook her head, “Only twelve hours, which isn’t very much considering what you’ve been through. I’ll tell the doctors you need another IV and some pain medication.”

As she turned for the door, you shook your head, “Emily, wait.”

Emily turned to face you, coming to stand at the foot of your bed. “What is it?”

“Where’s Spencer?” you asked. Emily looked to JJ, the two of them sharing a knowing glance. You and Spencer had always been close, as partners and friends. 

“He’s been going back and forth between pacing the parking lot and the lobby for hours. I can’t imagine how many steps he’s taken,” Emily joked. “I’ll go get him for you.” With that, she turned and left the room, leaving you and JJ to catch up on what you’d missed in the last few hours. 

JJ explained what happened after you’d passed out: how the unsub was in custody, finding another victim in his basement, and the team realizing that they’d sent you out to interview the lunatic on your own. “We just thought he was going to give you some information about the case. We had no reason to think that he was the one who-”

You shook your head, holding up a hand to stop her. “I didn’t think so either. It’s why I agreed to go alone. Nobody’s at fault.” 

JJ nodded, a solemn look on her face. “I’m just so glad you’re okay. We were all so worried once we connected the dots. I was telling Emily - I haven’t seen Spencer so stressed in years.” 

As if on cue, both you and JJ turned to the sound of rushed footsteps coming down the hallway. Spencer’s tall frame was running (no, sprinting) down the hospital corridor. You felt a small smile tug at the corner of your lips as he burst into the room, hair danging in front of his eyes and clearly out of breath. 

He approached your bedside, leaning down so he could be face-to-face with you. You could only see him with one good eye, but you did your best to smile to show him that you were doing alright. You brought a hand to his face, pushing the fallen strands of hair out of his eyes so you could see him more clearly. “Hello to you too,” you joked. 

“Y/N-” Spencer started, the tears quickly gathering in his eyes, “I’m so sorry. I should’ve gone with you. I should have known that-” 

“That the guy who called into the tipline was actually the unsub? Spencer, be logical. None of us knew. I was just telling JJ, nobody is at fault.”

A single tear fell down his cheek as he examined your injuries. With each scratch and bruise he found, he felt another crack forming in his heart. He hadn’t protected you. Wasn’t that what he was supposed to do? He was your partner. Your best friend. He loved you, that he knew. He’d forced that love to be as platonic as he could make it, trying to avoid ruining your perfect friendship. It was moments like this that made that more difficult than ever, as he tried to reckon with his love and his guilt. 

Your bruised hand was still cradling his face. He could feel the bandages against his stubble, and he cursed himself again. It was only then that the other presence in the room became known to him. JJ stood on the other side of the bed, another knowing smile gently painting her lips. Spencer knew what he had to do. JJ knew what Spencer had to do. He looked at her, his eyes subtly asking her to leave the two of you alone. JJ took the hint with a small nod, leaving the room without another word as you and Spencer continued to examine each other. 

“So, JJ’s filled me in on what I missed,” I said, breaking the silence. “Sounds like a pretty exciting half day,” I joked. 

Spencer shook his head, pulling away from your hand. He didn’t go far, though, intertwining his own with yours as he leaned back from the bed. “I was worried sick,” he said. 

“I can tell, Spence,” you said, trying to prop yourself up with your pillow. “You really shouldn’t have been. You know I always come out of these things relatively unscathed.” He raised an eyebrow at your statement, taking in your swollen and bruised features. “Well… maybe not unscathed. Alive, at least,” you quipped. 

An eerie silence fell over the room. You could feel the tension increase as the gears turned in his head.

“But what if you don’t someday?” he whispered, his voice far away. You looked over at him, his eyes fixed on your heart monitor and the gentle green lines rising and falling accompanied by the signature beep-beep-beeping. 

You squeezed his hand in an attempt to bring him back down to Earth. “I’ll always come back, Spencer. It’s what you and I do. We come back alive for each other.” 

The tears that had pooled in his eyes earlier spilled over his cheeks as he let out a small whimper. He leaned down, gently wrapping his arms around you as he wept. “Hey, it’s okay Spencer,” you tried to calm him. 

“No, it’s not. It-it’s not because,” he trailed off. You could still feel his shoulders shaking as he cried. 

“Why, Spencer?” you asked once more. “Please, you can tell me anything.” 

Suddenly his sobs slowed. He pulled back from your embrace, taking in your features. Bruised and battered as you were, you were the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. He felt like his heart was going to explode. Before his brain could catch up with his mouth, the words came tumbling out. “Because I love you,” he said simply. 

Your jaw dropped open at his words. While you should’ve seen this coming, nothing could prepare you for the way your heart jumped. If it wasn’t evident from the expression on your face, the heart monitor picked up its beeping, nearly doubling its pace. The sound wasn’t lost on Spencer, who frantically looked at the screen.

“Oh no,” he mumbled, quickly walking to the monitor. “Did I upset you? I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’ve just felt this way for so long and if I keep pretending like I don’t-”

“Spencer,” you cut him off, his eyes meeting yours for the first time in minutes. “I love you too.” 

The look on his face was priceless, and you wished you could have taken a picture, but you did your best to engrave it on your brain forever. His brown, teary eyes brightened in a moment, a glimmer of hope shining from within. “You do?” he asked. 

You laughed, allowing your head to fall back on the pillow behind you. “Spencer, I volunteer to work with you during nearly every case. We split a room every week. I only wished that you’d said this sooner so we could’ve split the bed, too.”

He stared at you in shock. The tears in his eyes long forgotten as a smile crept on his face.

A soft laugh left his mouth as he leaned down to you once more, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, careful to avoid any injured area. “Well, I promise that next time we can,” he said. “And,” he started once more, “I’m never letting you go anywhere by yourself again.”

You smiled up at him, running your fingers over his own. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

[cozage]

2k followers lets goooo!!! (Proud follower hereee!!!) And ive been wanting to request smth from you for a while now and i think this is the perfect opportunity !! Can u create some hesdcanons for sabo, law, luffy, zoro, and sanji (maybe shanks too?) where the reader wants to leave the crew/organization their in coz of smth from their past, making them have to? They could've already left, about to leave quietly, betrayed them unwillingly etc!!! Do your thing !

^ - ^

Angst to comfort plsss my heart cannot take anymore heartbreaks huhuhu

A/N: just did the captains for now :)

Characters: gn reader x Sabo, Law, Luffy, Shanks Total word count: 1.2k

Blackmail

Sabo

You were gone when Sabo woke up. No note, nothing. But you had knocked out some security guards in your escape off the island. So Sabo set off, trying to figure out where you had gone. He would go to the ends of the earth to find you again if he had to. 

Some people called it denial. Some called it insanity. Some called it pitiful. He didn’t care. He had been called all those things before.

But he knew you. He knew that you wouldn’t betray him. Not like that. He refused to believe everything you two shared wasn’t just an act. 

He chased you for weeks, following your tracks and just barely missing you at several encounters.

He was so close, and he couldn’t help but feel like you were leaving him a trail. You knew how to disappear. The fact that he could find you meant you wanted to be found. 

When he finally found you, curled up in a bed with shackles around your arms as you slept, he knew you were doing everything against your will. The two men who were guarding you were easy enough to take care of, and he woke you up gently. 

“We’re going home,” he whispered, unlocking your cuffs. 

When you realized it was him, you began sobbing, apologizing for all the trouble you had caused. But he refused to accept your apologize-you owed him nothing of the sort. You were safe now, that’s what mattered. 

After you return home and he’s certain you’re safe, he sets off to find the mastermind behind the whole blackmailing situation. He’ll never let anyone ever hurt you again, and those people need to be taught a lesson. 

Law

Your plan was to slip out quietly, in the dead of night. You had snuck sleeping pills into everyone’s drinks, and you were certain they would be out until morning. 

So your heart dropped when the light flicked on as you were stealthing through Law’s office to take your leave. 

“Y/N,” Law’s voice was steady and alert. “Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving.” You refused to look at him. He’d be able to see through you in an instant.

“Is that why you attempted to drug me?” he asked, and you silently cursed yourself. Of course he would notice. “This isn’t like you.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” you said through gritted teeth. “Stay out of it.”

“I know you enough to realize your hands are clenched and your entire body is tight, which means you’re doing something you don’t want to do. I also know you won’t look at me when you’re lying, so you’re obviously hiding something.”

“Just stay out of it, Law.” You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if he got hurt.

He suddenly shambled in front of you, and you couldn’t hide your tear-filled eyes anymore. He stared down at you, slightly disappointed in your lack of trust in him.

“We can figure this out together,” he reminded you. “You’re not alone. And we’re stronger together than we are apart.”

You let out a sob and collapsed into his chest, thankful for his endless love and acceptance, even when you tried to push him away. 

Luffy

Luffy didn’t understand what you meant by “leaving the crew”. Especially since you wrote it on a note.

“We’re all in agreement, right?” he asked his crew. “Y/N needs our help. So we’re going to help.”

Everyone was in instant agreement. A goodbye note wasn’t like you. Even if you did want to leave, they all deserved more than a note. 

Luffy made it his top priority to find you. They scoured the island, searching for hours. But nobody found you.

The next day, Luffy was the first one awake, and he was on the island before Sanji could even make breakfast. He was searching, determined to find you. 

When he finally rounded a corner and made eye contact with you, your eyes widened. “Leave me alone!” you hissed, and then you took off running.

He easily chased after you and tackled you to the ground. “You’re not leaving!” he yelled, pinning your arms to the ground. “Not like that!”

“Luffy!” you hissed. You both needed to be quiet, or he would be seen. “Please go! Just leave.”

“Haven’t you learned?” he asked, his voice breaking. “We’re a family. We solve problems together. You don’t leave notes saying goodbye. Don’t we mean anything to you? Don’t I?”

His big, sad eyes finally made you break down, explaining everything to him and how you couldn’t sail with him due to a problem you had on the island. 

Needless to say, Luffy fixed that problem immediately and had already forgotten about it all by the time the two of you got back to the ship. 

Shanks

“That’s a lot of supplies for a quick run to port.” Shanks’s joking tone was present, but you could hear that his voice held something else.

“Things to sell,” you replied smoothly. If you could get off the boat and away from the crew, then at least they wouldn’t be hurt in the process.

Shanks hummed, clearly not believing you. “Strange of you to sell your most prized possessions, yet leave the emeralds and diamonds we picked up from that other ship.”

“Shanks-”

“Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on.”

You thought about running, but a glimmer from the crow’s nest told you that Yasopp was watching closely. Time to switch to Plan B. “I’m leaving.”

You could feel Shank’s gaze on you, his heart breaking at your words. 

“I don’t like it here anymore,” you said, trying to keep your wits about you. “It’s suffocating. I can’t stand it.” You turned to look at him, mustering all the hatred you could. “I can’t stand any of you.”

You could see Shanks wrestling with your words, trying to decipher truth from lie. You had an excellent poker face, but unfortunately, he knew that as well. 

“Kiss me, then.” Shanks walked toward you, and you stiffened at the thought. “You may be able to lie with your words, but your lips don’t lie when they’re pressed against mine. So let’s see if you’re telling the truth.”

“I never want to kiss you aga-” His lips crashed into yours, cutting your words off. 

You tried to pull away, but you couldn’t. Your body simply wouldn’t let you. After a few moments, he pulled away, and you let out a soft whine in protest. 

Shanks grinned, the answer to his question plain as day. He was relieved to know you didn’t actually hate him, but now there was an actual problem to be solved. 

But he didn’t blame you, he blamed whoever put you in this situation. And surely they would pay.

[targaryenluvs]

VICTORS SPOILS

pairings: dark!finnick odair x fem!capitol!reader

warnings: obsession, following/stalking, creepy behaviour, naive/younger reader, age gap, (reader is 19 and finnick's around 25), non-con touching and kissing, manipulation, bj mentions/insinuations, sex mentions, prostitution mentions, finnick lowkey preying on you - descriptions of brown reader (i was self indulgent since i’m indian 😁) condescending/nit picking mother and pushy parents!

summary: a victor should be celebrated! a victor should get what ever they wish, even if it’s a sweet capitol girl who misplaced her kindness in someone who was in desperate need of reprieve and distraction.

a/n: ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!! HERES A GIFT FROM ME TO YOU ❤️GUESS WHO MADE HER OWN LITTLE HEADER GAHH!! i tried my bestttt - ive been away for a littleeee!! sorry babes <33 it was like 3am and i cooked this up in my head before opening my brewing pot (notes app) and jotting it down - NOT PROOFREAD

the hall was so loud.

they always were at capitol parties. your mother and father always dragged you along, stating that a young lady should be getting out, meeting people, friends, becoming well versed and established in the capitol. and that they wouldn’t always be here. “you need to learn to be alone, fend for yourself and stand your ground. how are you gonna do that if you’re always trying to keep to yourself dear?” your mother sweetly smiled as she looked over you, “i think you still have time to change that dress, not the most flattering sweetie.”

you scoffed as she walked away ever so elegantly. you looked over yourself in the mirror, the green dress was gorgeous, to you at least. but the blue dress your mother had chosen was breath-taking, as much as you hated to agree with her opinion. so you bit your tongue and put the chosen dress on.

mother knows best right?

the sun was setting with an especially beautiful array of colours to which you figured no one would really notice you were gone if they were all focused on something else. there was probably a screen upstairs which you could watch something on. a few things to eat and drink then you’d head up there.

finnick was glancing over to you the whole night. you’d worn blue, and he’d taken it as an ode to him. you hadn’t looked over at him yet but your leaving of the party seemed like an invitation to him to finally introduce himself.

as you settled down on the plush couch you felt all your tensions melt away. but finnick wouldn’t leave you alone for long. “i’m sorry i didn’t know this was occupied.” finnick looked sad and you had no clue why, so being as nice as you are had you opening the room in invitation to him. “no, no! i just wanted to get away from the party. you’re welcome to sit with me finnick.” it felt odd to you for some reason, calling him by his name as if he was a friend. you’d only ever seen him through screens and from afar yet he looked as amazing as always.

“are you sure?” you nodded and smiled, moving down the couch to make room for him. he sat down, respectful of your space. he looked drained and you felt the same way. “tired of the party?” you asked as he smiled and nodded, “a lot of people asking a lot of questions.” you spoke, “everyone has something to say or ask. my dad told me he got three men asking for my hand. we haven’t even been here for two hours. it’s like being in a room with vultures. and if i do accept i’ll just be, nothing. someone stuck to the side of some ugly guy who just wants a pretty face.” you didn’t know what it was about him but you felt as if you could tell him anything.

and he sat, and listened. nodding his head and adding it where appropriate. it felt, nice. having someone actually listen to what you said rather than just asking what you were wearing. he was nothing like what you expected. you’d heard the whispers. that he was a playboy, he was with and had been with multiple women and men over the years. and that he liked it, the gifts, the people, the uhm, other aspects.

“but you, i’m sure you have people to meet, scope out.” you wanted to curl up and die as soon as the words left your mouth. “no! oh my god, i do not mean it like that. you- i- you should not feel ashamed of what you like. i am so sorry- i didn’t mean to imply-” god would you stop droning on? finnick pressed his lips into a thin line, “hey it’s okay. you’re fine. in all honestly, i know everyone has mis-conceptions of me.” you took his place in attentive listening as he explained the truth.

the threats, the people pawing at him, him being sold from fourteen.

you were crying. it all sounded unbelievable and unbearable for someone to go through at such a young age, his life was ruined all because he was pretty, desirable. no child should even have to think of such things let alone experience them. and rather than you comforting him, he was sitting with his arms around you. he was too good to be true.

“i- no i’m so sorry that happened to you finnick. i had no clue, no one does. you are such an amazing person, from the little time i’ve known you. you don’t deserve any of this. how could you get away from this? we could- we could expose snow we could-” finnick cut you off with teary eyes, “there’s nothing we can do. trust me, if there was i would have tried. but i think, if i got married perhaps. i’d have a reason to stay away from the captiol. we’d live in district four, in peace.”

the idea was pretty decent, you’d give him that. and you couldn’t help your heart running a little faster at the prospect of potentially marrying him. you were already fast friends, at least you’d marry a friend? even if he potentially loved someone else or you loved another.

“what if- if you married me?”

he’d hoped you’d say that.

“you’d do that for me? seriously?” finnick faked shock as you nodded, “we’re friends, i’d much rather marry you than anyone else here to be honest. we could be happy.” you smiled as he wiped away his last tear. “y/n, that’s an amazing idea.”

your wedding was marvellous.

your parents pushed out buck after buck, no expense spared for their little girl. as if they actually cared for you. your wedding dress was white and pristine, courtesy of snow. your brown hair in curls and your brown skin glistening. but you added blue accents for finnick, or you thought you did. it’s not like he pushed for you to wear the things he bought by incessantly reminding the makeup artists and helpers that you were marrying the finnick odair, his wife deserved nothing but the best.

you stood infront of a friend, smiling, happy to be marrying a kind soul.

he stood in front of the object of his affection, his desire and love.

in the first few weeks you were undeniably happy, finnick was as sweet as ever and respected you. it was your best outcome. but overtime you seemed to notice changes in his behaviour. when you’d want to go out into town for dinner he’d always have an excuse up his sleeve.

“there’s roadworks towards your favourite restaurant honey. maybe another time?”

“apparently they’re all booked out, maybe in a few weeks time?”

“wouldn’t you rather have a home-cooked meal? i made your favourite sweetheart.”

it began to annoy after the sixth time. “it can’t always be busy can it? we use to go all the time, and it’s not like they’d refuse you finnick. what’s going on?”

“i give you everything you could ever want. why the hell do you want to go out so much? am i not enough? are you- are you seeing someone?” finnick slumped in his seat.

your eyes widened as you rushed over to him, settling on your knees as your hands were placed on his thighs, “finnick how could you say such a thing? i would never do that to you. i swear there’s nothing going on, i just, i’m bored. i’d like to go out with you, explore your district with you, meet new people with you.” finnicks eyes burnt into yours. this is certainly not how he first wanted to see you on your knees, but at least you were whining.

“yeah? you like me? you promise there’s nothing going on?” you nodded dumbly, “yes yes! nothing i promise.” finnick looked down at your hands in his lap, “how do i know you’re not lying?” your hands were on his knees as you straightened your back, coming closer to his eye level, “i promise finnick. you are my husband, i’m with you. i’ll do anything to prove it to you.”

finnick was fighting off every muscle in his cheeks to not start grinning whilst the sad look on his face was breaking your heart, “yeah? anything?” oh this was going to be good. your cheeks were flushed as you heard the words come of out his mouth, “undo my belt sweetheart, show me how much you mean it.” wavering hands hovered over his belt buckle as finnick relaxed into his seat, it couldn’t get better than this right?

wrong.

every time you asked to go out, to meet a friend, to go to the capitol he’d always sulk. and the night would end with you on your knees, him on his to make you forget, or the two of you tangled in sheets.

finnick was finally happy, he had the girl of his dreams after such a long period of sadness, of exploitation and terror. fake smiles and lingering eyes.

he finally got something out of the games.

and his gift?

the victors spoils.

[tannieastrology]

Solar Return Observations💋❤️🌹

💋This year I have a Virgo Ascendant in my solar return along with 2 Venus returns and Ive been so much more health/beauty focused. Like I care more about myself and am trying to break bad habits that I made in 2023. Im also alot more driven in sports/goals and back when I had this in 2020 I was also into skincare and makeup alot too and was into running and working out. I feel like the year you get a virgo ascendant for your solar return is the year to cleanse bad habits that youve made in the previous year its like a chance to start new.

💋The year you have Uranus in the 11th house is most likely a year where you will lose friends but will also get the chance to make new ones. I had Uranus and North Node in my 11th house last year and my 3 year long friend who claimed we were “besties” backstabbed me and cut me off with no explanation BUT I also found a friendgroup who are here to stay and am incredibely blessed to have met them. This was a year where my view on society and people changed significantly but i feel it was for the better.

💋Last year I had Sun and Pluto in the 8th house along with Moon and Mars in the 12th. I struggled really bad with my mental health(also a Gemini Rising) and my whole personality shifted from these experiences. From January my grandma almost died of cancer, I faced unrequited love, bullying from “friends”, losing friends, and overall felt pressure from school. I was just sensitive to what people said about me and let little things bother me and now that Im looking back none of it was a big deal but I dont know in the moment it affected me way too much. It made me realize that you cant ever really put your faith in people and that you need to trust and respect yourself the most. That you cant be attached to people and your faith should be put in god (atleast thats what I think). Most of the pain came from lowself esteem and I do believe that these placements made me grow a thicker skin and to become more independant. Im a completely different person now and while I did lose my innocence to the world I feel that I can survive on my own now. I guess I just grew a backbone which im really thankful for.

💋Everything that happened last year (like growth transformation death) is all related to the 8th house which is where gemini is in my natal so also keep that in mind where your solar ascendant falls in your natal.

💋This year I have a Moon in Libra in the 1st house and a Virgo Lilith exactly conjunct my ascendant and Ive been getting so much praise from woman its weird? Weirdly guys have been liking my instagram stories and when I posted on my birthday so many people came and viewed my story who dont even follow me. I also feel more pretty and empowered this year and Ive been trying to figure out how I want to present myself more. Compared to last year I feel like I am more upfront with my feelings. I feel like this year I might not struggle as much since im a Libra Ascendant and my solar return is Virgo and almost aligns with my natal chart.

💋My sadness and pain from my 2023 solar return actually really did last until my birthday aka my 2024 return😭 So keep in note that solar returns will remain effective until your next birthday.

💋I have Pluto, Mars, Sun, Vertex, Mercury, and POF, all in the 5th house this year and Im really hoping I can finally meet someone to date for the first time but so far its manifested as being more interested in hobbies/ having fun. Im not complaining tho I actually have been so much happier and I havent cried that much at all from this new Solar Return. I will say I feel like having Pluto in the 5th house will make your view change a bit on relationships. I lost feelings for my 3 year crush and I also feel like its impossible for me to properly catch feelings now. I dont know its like I broke the cycle of infatuting crushes and am way more realistic when it comes to love. Part of it is probably just me getting older but I think thats a good thing. I dont expect love like the movies anymore but i just want something REAL.

💋The year you have 8th house Venus a old flame might come back into your life.

💋Tell me why I have Jupiter, North Node, and Chiron in the 8th house this year and ive been attracting money/all the things i want so easily? I got almost $450 for my birthday, a vanity, a lulu bag, and a big party and its only been like 2 weeks😭

💋 When I turn 18 in 2026 I have a stellium of Venus, Mercury, Sun, Mars, and Pluto in the 12th SOOO im predicting that I might be struggling with mental health that year, probably lost in where I want to head after high school, or Im either hiding sum secret love affair(8th house ruler of libra in 12) or like something about it is forbidden/ secretive. I also do have Moon and Jupiter in Cancer in the 5th house that year so that should be interesting lol. Let me know what aspects/ placements in your future solar returns yall find interesting and have down in the comments I wanna see.

💋A Saggitarius Ascendant/ 9th placements might mean that you get opportunity to travel

💋Having Lilith in the 2nd house might mean that you struggle with eating consistently or might struggle with self worth and body image.

💋Venus in the 4th house will be a year where you try to improve your home and find comfort in familial relationships

💋Look at transits to your solar return too theyll give you a deeper dive in whats going on you can look on astroseek.

💋12th house placements will make you inclined to find god

💋On November 16 2021 I caught feelings bad for this guy and I would go on to like him for a long time. Near that time I had a Venus Return and also a transit Solar Return with a 7th house stellium(Sun,Mars,Mercury,Moon in Libra/Scorpio). I was around this guy 24/7 and it just unexpectedly happened. Near that time Iwas having so much fun with my friends in cross country I feel so fond about those days that I could never forget.

💋 Last year having a Gemini Rising but placements like Mars and Moon in the 12th made me get talked about unknowingly behind my back so keep that in mind. Girls secretly hated me and also one of my “friends” twisted my words and spread drama about me.

💋Pay special attention to Chiron and where it is in your chart ESPECIALLY if its in retrograde

Anyways I hope yall enjoyed this was very last minute and I know people have been complaining about there not being enough Solar Return observations so here I am lol. See yall next time💋

[loliwrites]

IV. Fortitude | Edelweiss

pairing: joel miller x f!reader  rating: explicit, 18+, minors dni  warnings/tags: jackson era!joel, sharpshooter!reader, age difference [joel is mid 50s, reader is early to mid 30s], joel lives forever fight me, switching povs, canon compliant violence, brief description of blood, mention of terrible humans, brief discussion of trauma-induced menopause, SMUT, greenhouse sex [sorry plants], unprotected p in v sex, reader rides joel within an inch of his life, oral [f receiving], gentle choking, praise kink [good girl, attagirl], terms of endearment [sweet girl, pretty girl], semi-somnophilia [joel’s partly awake], mutual masturbation, female reader, no physical description, protective!joel, no use of y/n. word count: 7.0k series masterlist  a/n: we start with joel’s pov in this one. look at the tags, this is mostly pwp

⌾ ⌾ ⌾ ⌾ ⌾

“M’not sayin’ forever, Tommy. Just for a while. A week even,” Joel chased Tommy around his kitchen as he moved to prepare dinner. Elsewhere in the house, Maria was feeding the baby.

“When did you sleep with her?”

“What’re you talking about?”

“You’re doin’ that thing you always do, Joel,” Tommy shook his head and threw a skillet onto the stove. “Going in full protector mode after you sleep with a woman. Did it in the 90s. Did it again with Tess. And now with her.” He threw a handful of cut up rhubarb into the pan with butter, “she’s too valuable on patrol. She needs to go,”

Joel clenched his jaw, the muscle by his temple pulsing. “She needs a break, Tommy.”

“We all–”

“Goddammit!” Joel pounded his fists against the counter, “she’s been goin’ out with me six days a fucking week. Six days a week, thinking she’s gonna run into one of ‘em and be dragged back into that nightmare. Get fuckin’ violated on a daily basis for kicks. So excuse me if I’m goin’ full protector mode. I’m out there with her everyday. I have to go into protector mode. And it’s not just ‘cause I’m sleeping with her. You’d do the same thing if you knew what I know. Just…” he shook his head, “stick her in the greenhouse or somethin’. Give her a breather,”

“So you are sleeping with her,” Tommy smirked, pushing the rhubarb around.

Joel stared at his brother with supreme annoyance and rolled his eyes, “Tommy.”

“Okay, greenhouse, fine. Just for a week, Joel. They’ve been coming in closer and I don’t think they’re gonna stop so long as the weather’s bad,”

⌾ ⌾ ⌾ ⌾ ⌾

You weren’t sure what you had done wrong. One day you’re falling into a routine with Joel on patrol, establishing a shorthand together that makes the work easier. And the next you’re banished to the greenhouse. Well, maybe not banished. But Tommy had pulled you aside one morning when you arrived at the stables to saddle your horse, and told you that you’d be staying in Jackson this week. That he’d be going on patrol with Joel. If it wasn’t banishment, it sure felt like punishment. As your head hung low and you shuffled back to the greenhouse, you wondered if Joel had said something to Tommy about your entanglement. Maybe he’d regretted doing it and asked his brother to step in and create a little distance between the two of you.

It had been a few days since then. A few days of walking into the greenhouse and seeing Wendy’s perpetual smile and wondering why you weren’t able to do the same. A few days of replaying that night with Joel in your mind and trying to figure out where it went wrong. A few days of not seeing him. It shouldn’t have been like this. It shouldn’t have gone so far for you to be thinking… wondering… about him all day long. It shouldn’t have gotten to the point that you were second-guessing yourself. What if he didn’t like the way you did something? What if he’d been expecting more and didn’t want to deal with your “shortcomings”?

And it was perhaps a little ridiculous for your brain to have gone down this route. How many patrols had you gone on that when Joel got home, all he wanted to do was collapse onto his couch, sip a beer, and try to ignore the pang of hurt in his lower back. Maybe it was nothing. And maybe it was everything.

Between planting, watering, pruning, and harvesting, you found time to hide away in the corner of the greenhouse and admire the edelweiss. It had grown stronger in its time outside. Spending the days out in the elements, while being safely stored inside during the night, had given its root system to dig in. The stems more robust. The flower had found a way of being sturdy enough to survive the world and yet flexible enough to bend with the wind.

Wendy called out just as you’d wedged your foot between the door and the jamb. Hands full with the tray of edelweiss, you used your body to slink into the greenhouse, saving the flowers from the harsh winter night. She was heading home and suggested you do the same before the storm blew in. Judging by what you’d just endured out there, you figured the storm had already blown in. But after humming a noncommittal response to her, you heard the door open and knew she’d be on her way back home safe and warm. Into the arms of her partner. And knowing that, it put you in no particular rush to get back to your little cottage all alone.

You’d only just arranged the edelweiss tray back on its work table when you heard the door open back up. Maybe it had gotten worse out there. But far be it from Wendy to enter a room without a statement. And not hearing her voice ringing out through the glass walls, you looked up from the work table.

There he was. Walking toward you in no particular rush. It’d only been a handful of days but he looked different than your mind had allowed you to remember. His graying curls looked longer. They cascaded down to his neck and curled around his ears. His beard was a little fuller than it had been on your night with him. His gait so slow you wondered if he’d keep up the momentum to take the next step. You wanted to run up and jump into him – either kissing or swatting at him, you weren’t sure which would come first. With exhibited restraint, you only turned to face him head on; your hands nervously fiddling at your sides. Once Joel was a few steps away, you spotted that not only did he look a little worse for wear, but his clothes did too. His winter coat ripped at the shoulder seam. The sleeve hung on for dear life. And the coat itself looked like it’d been caked in mud, now dried and spattered everywhere. He even had a cut on his cheek that was a couple days old. No longer bleeding, but just by the look of it, you knew it was deep enough to have been one that took awhile to clot.

“Hi,” his voice was far lower than his normal volume. Though you heard him clearly, you lacked the immediate ability to respond more than a nod. “Miss me?”

You shook your head. That was obviously a lie and you figured Joel knew that too, judging by the smile that flickered across his face. He brought his hand up to your chin and used the leverage to tilt your head back, making it impossible for you to look anywhere but at him. His thumb brushed over your bottom lip; eyes being directed to the plush skin.

Then he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours with force. In between deep breaths, he muttered the three little words you’d been longing to hear. The ones that would reassure you he hadn’t been purposefully avoiding contact. “I missed you.” He pushed his tongue into your mouth, finding yours and it elicited a moan from him. He stepped forward into you, crowding you up against the work table. His hands moving around to your back and sliding all the way down to your ass, which he squeezed at the first possible moment. “Missed this,” he mumbled over your lips. One hand lowered between your ass and pressed up against your jeans until he hit the resistance of your entrance against it.

A whimper made its way from your throat and into Joel’s mouth. Your hands lifted to his chest; fingers curled around his flannel and tugged. At the present moment, unsure if you wanted to keep him close or push him away. Not that you’d get too much time to ponder it. Joel lifted a hand to your neck, fingers on one side, thumb on the other. It lacked any real pressure though you remained acutely aware of the feeling.

“How ‘bout you drop your pants and turn around for me?”

“Someone might see us,” you looked out, freezing with hesitation.

Joel’s fingers tightened around your throat by the smallest amount and you looked back up into his eyes. “No one’s gonna see us,” he reassured but it didn’t get you moving. “Drop your pants to your ankles, turn around, and bend over with your forearms on the table,”

The resoluteness in his gaze and voice convinced you he was right. No one would see you. They’d have to be absolutely crazy to be out in the snow flurry. So your hands went to the button of your jeans and undid it. The move to lower the zipper was even slower. Joel nodded to you, yes on the right track. And when you bent forward to push them down your legs, his hand moved from your neck to the back of your head. His massive paw cradling the back of it. Your head was so close to his waist; you figured that’s what his real intent had been. Though your pants were down, instead of returning upright, you got down on your knees and reached for his belt.

“Oh, good girl,” he growled. “Y’wanna suck on my cock?”

Your eyes flicked up to him, not sure if your answer was actually yes or no. Ultimately, you wanted him to feel good. To not put you through the mental torment you’d spent the last few days muddling through. 

“Think you could take all of it without choking?” But Joel took your hand in his and pulled you back up to your feet, “later. Turn around and bend over f’me.”

Obliging, you spun around and faced the work table. Staring at it with wide eyes, you bent over until your forearms rested over the sanded wood like he had asked of you. And looking over your shoulder, you watched as he knelt down (his knees fighting against the action), and he softly stripped you of your underwear; coaxing them down over your legs until they met with your pants at your ankles. He groped at your ass with both hands and spread the cheeks apart, presenting your most intimate areas to him. And without restraint or contemplation, he licked his lips and leaned in to you. Kissed your entrance and quickly followed it up with his tongue. Rimmed your hole and then closed his mouth around you. 

Your head bowed forward, nearly hitting the table. A hum for continuation filled the space between you, and your thighs trembled when Joel ducked lower and slid his tongue to your clit. Fists squeezed in on themselves forming slight crescent shapes in your palm. And just when you didn’t think it could feel any better, Joel shifted back to your entrance, pairing it with his fingers on your clit. While he massaged the sensitive bud with insistent fingertips, his tongue rolled over your hole, urging it open and relaxed.

“Joel,” you gasped, reaching with one hand and making contact with the back of his head. You pressed on it, pushing him tighter to you. To give you more, more, more. “Oh, god–” your legs stumbled further apart. The clinking of a belt buckle rang out and it wasn’t long from there that you heard Joel starting to stroke himself.

His lips and tongue never stopped moving and were matched perfectly to the rhythm of his fingers. Even when he pressed his tongue past your tight muscle, it seemed all part of this dance you were just starting to learn. Cheek now firmly pressed to the table, you moaned and whined for release or reprieve. He could give you either.

The climax snuck up on you again. Just a split second of realization between feeling good and feeling amazing. Your legs trembled beneath you. Had the table not been beneath you and providing your only true support, you’d have been a sobbing heap on the floor. Joel spread his large hands over your quads, rubbing them down. His lips never left your core, lapping up every drop your body was inclined to give him. And only once your legs stopped twitching, did he rise from his knees. 

His pants fell to his feet but you couldn’t bring yourself to use the energy to stand up. Your lungs were still on fire, sucking in deep breaths. Not even fully recovered before Joel wrapped an arm over your chest and hauled you up. Your back pressed tight to his chest; his lips at your ear. But what held your attention most was the feeling of his length pressing between your legs. His hand guided his member into place, notched the head at your entrance, then gripped onto your ass again to give him the space to move more freely. And the hand that was pressed over your chest shifted down to the table, right beside yours. He’d been so cautious the first time. So adamant about taking it slow, about listening to you – about using protection. This was so different from that. So frantic. Almost like them.

“Let’s see if we can make you come all over my cock,” he whispered in your ear.

Before you could respond, he pushed his hips forward, burying himself balls deep inside you in one thrust. You shrieked and tried to wiggle your hips away, but Joel lifted his hand from the table and cupped your sex. Fingertips ghosted over your clit for the time being.

“Where’re you goin’?” He smiled, kissed just below your earlobe, and began thrusting up into you, unintentionally pressing his tip against the opening to your cervix. “Feel how deep I am? Look,” Joel pressed on your lower belly which seemed to bulge each time he forced himself back into you. “All up in you. Look how you fit me so deep inside you,”

He was relentless. Taking as much as he wanted in the moment. And you, already growing sore, were there just to take it. Your ass stung with the slap of his sweat-sheened skin against yours. You wondered if this was just how it went. That all men reverted back to selfishness. That there was actually very little that separated Joel from them. The way your hip bumped into the table told you that you were going to be left with a bruise you’d seen before. You could feel your thoughts slipping away. You were on the edge of disconnecting yourself; quietness replacing the sounds of pleasure. Surely he wouldn’t notice.

Maybe he’d come back to himself. Or maybe he realized you were removing yourself from the act. But Joel’s touch to your clit grew gentler, his thrusts while still chasing an orgasm, were less harsh on your body. And his lips on your neck delivered feather light kisses up the side, back to your ear. With a voice like velvet, he purred in your ear, “oh, sweet girl. I missed you this week,”

That was all you needed to come back to him. Those simple words to remember that there was a great deal that separated Joel from the others. You let out a needy whimper. This one paired with your head turning to the side, searching for his lips. He lifted his head and kissed you slowly, letting each nerve ending feel him there. And his hips slowed to accommodate the tender action. He grinded into you, circling his hips for a continued depth. Another whine and you could feel Joel’s lips stretch into a grin against yours.

“Yeah? Tell me about it,” he pulled back and stared down into your eyes, hips returning to languid thrusts, pulling nearly all the way out and then plunging himself back in until he bottomed out.

“Missed you,” while never breaking eye contact, you lifted your hand and held on to his wrist that was still wrapped around you. His fingers rubbing over your bud like he had no particular plans of stopping soon. “Tommy wouldn’t let me go on patrol. I wanted–”

“I know,”

You silently questioned his words. Did he know what you wanted? Or did he know why Tommy hadn’t let you out past the gates? Everything was put on the back burner when your body clenched around his shaft and it pulled a guttural moan from him. His body smothered yours over the table. His hips stuttered forward.

“M’gonna come,” he pressed down on your back and pinned your chest to the table. “Where–”

“Inside,”

“No,” he argued and was almost undone at the sight when he looked down at his waist and bore visual witness to his shaft moving in and out of you, covered in your slick. “Too soon,”

You reached back as best you could for his hip, trying to hold him place, “doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does,” he pulled himself out. With one hand stroking himself with fury and the other pressed against the back of your head to hold you still, he came over your lower back. Rope after rope of his spend hit the dip in your back and dripped down along the curve of your spine at your lower back. And with a deep exhale, he released his length and let it rest against your backside. 

When he let go of your head, you leaned up on your elbows and looked back at him, “was it good?”

A boyish smile flashed over his lips, “it was great.” He flexed his hips forward into you, “let me find something to clean you up.”

“There’s some rags in the bin by the door.” You watched his progress of pulling his pants back up into place before he went to retrieve a rag. On his way back, you propped your head up in your hand. “Could’ve avoided this if you came inside me,” you pursed your lips matter-of-factly, “not like you’re gonna knock me up.”

He wiped the rag over your back until you were cleaned of his come. “I don’t want you to think I’m only having sex with you so I can come inside you. Ain’t doin’ it like it’s just some kink to fill you up,”

“I don’t think that,”

“I’m not like them.”

Joel tossed the rag onto the work table and you stood up to face him. With your pants still around your feet, it was almost like you were presenting yourself to him. “Definitely not like them. You’ve made me come,”

A flush rose in his cheeks and he hooked his arm around your shoulders to pull you into a haphazard kiss. You leaned in to him as well; your palm pressing into his crotch again. But Joel laced your fingers with his and led your hand away and up to his chest.

“I appreciate you but…” he kissed your forehead once and then took a step back, “it don’t work as fast as it used to.” He tapped your hip softly, “c’mon, let’s get you home.”

You pulled your pants back into place and did them up, whereupon Joel took your hand and led you out of the greenhouse. Just before you stepped back out onto the streets of Jackson, you wondered if he’d drop your hand, or if anyone would see the act. But it all was unfounded because the moment you stepped outside, you knew you wouldn’t see anyone on the street. The wind whipped your hair into your face, and it took almost all your concentration to keep it subdued. 

In fact, you’d never been so happy to see your little, half-dilapidated cottage. So much that you were the one to drop Joel’s hand to run up the porch and furiously shove your key into the lock. The winters weren’t getting any less harsh.

Joel was right behind you, and thankfully didn’t turn away at the entry, but rather followed you in and locked the door behind him. Good. He had plans to stick around for a while.

⌾ ⌾ ⌾ ⌾ ⌾

Warm, fed, and curled up beneath a wool blanket on the couch, you watched Joel add a couple logs to your wood-burning stove. He poked them around and once adjusted to his liking, slotted the little door shut and groaned when he got back onto his feet.

You slipped a hand out from beneath the blanket and reached out in his direction. Making grabby hands at him until you were convinced he was on his way over to you to stay. When he lowered himself onto the couch, you wrapped the blanket around your shoulders and scurried over into his lap; feeling almost foolish at the level of closeness you desired. But that feeling only seemed to be one sided because Joel herded you there and wrapped both arms around your waist.

After a quick lean in to peck his lips, you lifted your hand to his cheek where the healing cut was and carefully brushed your fingers over it, “how’d you get this?”

He was staring at your lips but when you questioned him again with a hum, he glanced up into your eyes, “on patrol.”

“Yeah, but how,” you moved your hand down to his jaw and scritched through his whiskers. “What happened?”

Joel knew he wasn’t going to lie to you but he also didn’t want to say too much. Maybe he’d tell you that he and Tommy had run into some more people perceived to be part of your old group, but would leave out that they had another girl with them. Maybe he’d say that they managed to handle the men, but would leave out that when they tried to help the girl – to bring her back to Jackson – she took off running. And he’d definitely leave out the fact that he and Tommy wondered if they should take her out before she had a chance to tell the others about what had happened. In the end, they didn’t, and knew they’d deal with whatever they had to in the aftermath.

“We ran into a couple guys,”

“From…?”

He nodded and eased your hair back, away from your face, “think so.”

“Did you…?”

“They’re not going to hurt anyone ever again,” he set his hand down on your thigh and gave it a squeeze. “I asked Tommy to take you off patrol for awhile,”

You inhaled slowly. A part of you thought this confession would’ve been met with anger, but you felt everything but. Instead you nodded and fiddled with a button on his shirt.

“M’tryin’ to protect you. I don’t want you to have to keep remembering these guys,” 

You nodded again. No matter how much disappointment you may’ve been feeling about it all, it paled in comparison to the empathy you had for him. It was never going to be easy for you, but you understood how hard it must’ve been for him to watch you be affected. You pushed your hand back through his hair with something resembling love, “I want to be useful and that’s the best way I know how. If it’s too much, I can ask for a different partner.”

The look of pseudo-betrayal on Joel’s face took you aback. “No. If you’re going out, I’m the one goin’ with you,” he leaned in for another kiss, both hands now cupped around your face. He tilted his head to the side and parted his lips but in a flash, pulled away and gave you the more incredulous of looks, “goin’ out with someone else... You must be crazy,”

Heat emanated throughout your body. Slowly but surely, it was happening. Joel Miller was making you his.

⌾ ⌾ ⌾ ⌾ ⌾

At some point sleep would befall you, right? Wrong. It seemed less than restful, but at least Joel was sleeping. Sometimes on his stomach, limbs all outstretched. And sometimes – like now – on his back with one hand on his chest and the other flung out, hanging off the side of the bed. You wondered if he was dreaming about anything in particular, or if the semi he was sporting was the doing of something more involuntary.

Rolling over onto your side into him, you set a gentle hand on his stomach, waiting to see if that would be enough to wake him. No luck. “Joel,” you whispered into the ether. Then just slightly louder, “Joel.”

“Hmph,”

You tried shaking him but it didn’t rouse him any further. At least not to the point of having him open his eyes, “Joel,” you whined a little louder. And when that didn’t work, you let your hand drift down from his stomach and to his crotch.

A stronger exhale came from him and figuring you were on the right track, you curled your fingers around his covered shaft and gave him a soft squeeze. He stretched out the tiniest amount so you inched in closer to him, your lips now at his neck, suckling on his skin while your hand began moving up and down the underside of his covered cock.

“Joel,”

“Hmm?”

You bit into his neck with more purpose, “I need you.” And now rolling your hips into his side, “you made me all sore and achy.” Even in the darkness, you swore you saw his lips twitch into a smirk. “Want you to fill me up,”

He took a deep breath and slowly blinked awake. Then turning his head on the pillow, he looked over at you. His voice low and gravelly, “yeah? You think you can take it right now?”

In this moment, you didn’t care how eager you looked, nodding wildly at him.

“How do I know you’re wet enough?” Joel reached forward and undid the first couple buttons on his flannel that you now wore. Enough to see your breasts; nipples perking up in the cool night air. “Show me,”

Hesitancy washed over you, hoping you’d do this correctly. Unsure of what he was expecting, you removed your hand from his length and slid it beneath the sheets and between your legs. Two of your fingers running down your slit and circling around your core. Embarrassingly wet, you thought. You never broke eye contact with Joel but when you pulled your hand out from beneath the sheets, you again grew unsure of what he was expecting. 

Out of the darkness, “set ‘em here.” The moonlight coming through the window silhouetted his face in the most beautiful way. Beyond the outline of his features, you could see he’d pursed his lips.

You brought your fingers closer to him and when they were nearly there, Joel opened his mouth. A clear invitation to resting your fingers on his tongue. He moaned at first taste and you could only watch in awe as he sucked reverently at your fingers and reached down to cup his manhood. His tongue worked over both fingers together, up and down the length of them, being sure that no part went un-licked. And when he started slowing down, you slid them out of his mouth, still staring at him in awe.

“I don’t think you’re wet enough,”

An exasperated whimper. “Joel,”

“C’mere,” he nodded his head to the side, ushering you nearer. “Get on top of me and show me how nicely you touch yourself,”

No other coaxing was needed for you to scramble on top of him, being careful to straddle him completely instead of kneeing him in the dark. Only you didn’t exactly realize how far you’d have to straddle. Almost painfully so. Your quads and hamstrings put in the work to keep yourself up enough so you could perform the act he’d asked of you. 

Joel pressed his hands to your ass to guide you forward, up closer to his bellybutton than his cock. One hand remained there but the other drifted away. You figured to his shaft, and were proved right when you felt the head of his cock bump against your ass, at the mercy of his frantic strokes.

“Go on. Let me see,”

Slowly, you let your hand snake between your spread legs, somehow not losing the courage to maintain eye contact with Joel despite the fact that something like this had never happened with anyone before. Deft fingers circled over your clit and you added pressure to your knees to lift yourself off of him enough to slide your fingers back to your entrance. When you returned them to your clit, the slick you’d gathered helped your fingers slide easier. Head bowing and chest heaving, you released a low, reverberating moan.

The muscles in Joel’s stomach flexed and he pulled his hand away from his length, bringing it up and underneath his head. With the other, he reached up and nudged his flannel off your shoulders. The fabric fell to your elbows, freeing your upper half from anything to conceal it. Finding Joel’s eyes on you, they seemed to twinkle upon having an unobstructed view of your breasts. Couldn’t even keep himself from taking a handful of your flesh, tapering down to his index finger and thumb around your nipple. You dropped yourself to his waist and grinded yourself against him.

“Look at you, pretty girl,”

There was unadulterated admiration in his eyes but you found it hard to look in them for very long. No one had ever looked at you like that for this reason. Sure, with your rifle, people you’d come across had all given you a similar type of look. But nothing like this. And with your fingers on yourself, you thought you could see stars in a way like never before. Joel had other plans for you though.

A firm squeeze on your hip got your immediate attention. “Ready to go for a ride?”

“What?”

Joel lifted his hips off the bed and up into you to get his point across. “Get after it,”

It was all you had wanted. When you rolled over into him and set your hand over his member, your intent had been for him to fill the void he’d created within you. So despite the nerves, once you understood the objective, you (as Joel put it) got after it. Lifted yourself up onto your knees just as much as was necessary to reach back between your legs and grab onto his length.

You stared directly in his eyes when you notched it at your entrance and slowly lowered down on him. His jaw fell slack; glassy-eyed and partially still fighting sleep. And the moment you were fully seated on him, his eyes drifted shut. The hand on your hip tightening around the curve there.

Oh he felt good. Molded out of something heavenly and fit inside you like a puzzle piece you didn’t know had been missing. And like this – sitting on top of him, feeling like you had every bit of control you desired was something beyond new. It almost made you wish that all the other times had been like this, while simultaneously so relieved that the first time it was like this was with Joel. 

Rocking back and forth on him at your own speed was divine. Each slight movement provided the perfect amount of friction to your clit. Better than fingers could do. Better than the way his body had rubbed against you when he was on top. You could press down on him as hard as you wanted to. And you did. Grinded down on him and circled your hips. Almost as if you were using him in the same type of way you had been used all those times before. Judging by the look on his face, you doubted if Joel cared about being used for this. His hand remained ever present on your hip and whenever the rhythm started to falter, his fingers gripped into you and helped you along. A steady pattern of movement returning to you.

“Fuck me,” he growled, voice lowering in timbre. His eyes were glued to where your bodies met. The sight of his length thrusting up into you and then coming back into sight, covered in your arousal, was almost more than he could bear. In his ascending age, he surprised himself in even being able to last as long as he had. “Squeezin’ me so good. Like you’re made for me, huh?”

A hum and a feeble nod was all you could manage. The feeling that your voice would be insufficient at the given moment was growing more real. Was this how it was supposed to feel? Decidedly, yes.

But Joel, a man not easily satisfied, wouldn’t take that for an answer. Wouldn’t let you get away with something so noncommittal. He lifted his hips clear off the bed, pushing up into you until you shrieked at the pressure of the head of his cock pressing against your cervix. “Say it,”

You threw your head back and stared up a the ceiling, desperately dragging your core along him. “M’made for you,”

“Again,”

Eyes lowered back down to Joel, capturing his face in the glow of the moonlight. Despite the immense pleasure you were getting from him, you wanted to smack him. What was he doing to you? “M’made for you,”

A smirk slid over his lips, encapsulating all of his features, “again,”

“Joel,” you whined, burying him back inside you to the hilt. You circled your hips again, keeping him deep and somehow needing him even deeper.

“Say it again and I’ll give you what you want,”

A growl rumbled in your throat. Frustration in you that only made him smile harder. “I’m made for you,”

You didn’t know it was possible for his smile to get even wider. And as promised, he set forth to give you what you wanted. A strong arm wrapped around your back, and one moment you were on top of him, and the next, you were being whipped around like a ragdoll. Body hit the mattress with force. Joel reached between and guided himself back inside you. A whisper of a moan floated out of his mouth and into yours when he pressed in for a kiss. Lips parted and tongue reaching for yours, you took everything he gave.

Knowing you were fully distracted by his lips, Joel hooked his hand beneath your knee and brought your leg up along his chest. Your foot dangled over his shoulder, and you pulled away from his kiss and looked up at him with a furrowed brow and a wince. He replaced his hands to the bed on either side of you and rocked his hips forward again, causing a deepening of your frown.

“Too much?”

“No,” you closed your eyes and made the conscious effort to allow your body to take in everything you were feeling and assign elsewhere but pain. “I think I like it,”

“Attagirl,” 

Had your eyes been open, you would’ve found Joel beaming. Oozing satisfaction. If he had known this was what was going to happen between you two, he probably wouldn’t have held a gun so steadfastly to your face when you first met a few months back. Now he let your leg fall from his chest into a much more natural position, and lowered himself in between your legs. Your thighs the perfect cradle for him. His thrusts changed from a long, deep, sweeping motion into much shorter presses inside where his shaft stretched you to capacity; your body stinging in pleasure. 

He buried his face into your neck and suckled at your skin with passion while your hand snaked to the back of his head. Fingers tangled in his curls and gave them a generous tug. You could cry out at the feeling of his length rubbing against your front wall, and very nearly did, except that the sound of his voice, all playful and gravelly, rang in your ears.

“Like how I feel in ya’, babygirl?”

All you could do was whimper and nod. It wasn’t lost on you that Joel’s lips stretched into a smile. You could feel it on your skin. 

“Y’think you can come like this?” He nibbled your earlobe softly.

Again, you could only muster a nod. This one paired with a needy moan. You certainly wanted him to make you come like this. It was all building in your lower stomach like it had when he’d gone down on you. But that was where the similarities ended. You had felt that orgasm coming in practically every nerve ending in your body. It was everywhere. Pure ecstasy. This felt much more concentrated to your core. All of it, right there where you were connected. It wasn’t not ecstasy. Just different. 

“Good fuckin’ girl,” he whispered, administering a slightly rougher bite to your neck. “Let me feel you soak me,”

“Joel,” you cried out, an actual tear falling from the outer corner of your eye.

“Yeah?” He pulled his head back away from you and nodded, encouraging, “give it to me. Show me how good I make you feel,”

In this moment of extreme vulnerability, his eyes on you felt like they were piercing your heart. Ripping away your armor and leaving your soul bare to him. It was almost too much.

Joel felt the way you tensed and strained beneath him. It wasn’t just the muscles squeezing his length, it seemed like it was every muscle in your body. He shook his head kindly, “so pretty like this. All stretched open and stuffed full of me. Takin’ me so well. You were made for me, babygirl,”

Your fingers yanked at his hair harder. It was the only thing you knew to do with the feelings going on inside you. Thankfully it appeared he knew what that meant and he didn’t change a thing. Not the speed, the force, the rhythm. Kept everything exactly the same. He was going to be the first man to get you to finish like this. 

Legs squeezed tighter around his hips. Biceps and abs flexed and held tense. Your entire body stiffened as the coil in your stomach snapped. A flash of white blurred out your vision and the ringing in your ears started thereafter. And then, the trembling began. It started in your legs; thighs basically vibrating against his hips. Then the shivers moved up by way of your spine until you were just a spasming mess beneath Joel. He, of course, took it all in stride wearing a proud smile. His thrusts softened but didn’t stop completely.

It was actually how you realized he was about to pull out to finish. He’d been steady through everything. Not evening the clenching of your core had made him switch up his pattern. But when his backward pull was longer than the rest had been, you knew he was about to pull out. The airy groan that came from him was also a pretty good indication.

“No,” you lowered your hands to his ass and dug your nails into his flesh. “Inside, I want it inside,” you tilted your head back, panting, but still had the power to nip at his jaw. “I earned it,”

He laughed. A quick exhale of air but in his current position, was not in the state to object too vehemently anymore. It only took one more. He simply pressed himself back into you balls deep and began painting your insides with his spend. Joel let out a deep, labored moan and settled down on top of you. The weight of him kept you present in this moment; always keenly aware that a man had just came inside you yet it was one you had asked that of. 

The feeling of him softening inside you riled you enough to lift your hand back to the side of his head, tucking a curl behind his ear. A well-placed kiss to his temple got him moving, too. “Still with me?” you mocked, scritching his head.

With a tone of feigned hurt, “I’m not that old.” As if to prove that point, he pushed up on his hand and lifted himself – almost got out of your octopus grip before you held on to keep him in place. He glanced back down at you with a boyish grin, “just gonna grab something to clean you up.”

“I don’t need to be cleaned up,” you dared to look him right in the eye. All the walls were down now. While he rolled onto his back, you turned into him, head in the crook of his neck, and rested your hand on his chest. “Do you have nightmares?”

“Sometimes. You?”

You nodded and looked up at the ceiling, thinking about how when you were a kid, your bedroom ceiling was riddled with glow in the dark stars and planets. The one above you now was pitch black. “What’re they about?”

Joel looked up at the ceiling too. He wasn’t sure he wanted to go down a long, dark path about the night of the outbreak. About Sarah. Wasn’t sure he was strong enough to relive it in consciousness. Reliving it in his subconsciousness was bad enough. “Usually that first week of outbreak. Unfortunately all those things are real and not just somethin’ my mind made up.” He glanced back over at you from his periphery, “how ‘bout yours?”

“Strangely enough, all the recent ones have been about not returning to… here. Been a long time since my nightmares were about losing home,”

He turned and lifted his head enough to kiss your forehead. When he settled back on his side, he flung his arm over you and pulled you in closer to his broad frame, “luckily here’s not going anywhere.”

Soon Joel’s breathing started to even back out; a reminder that you’d woken him out of a dead sleep. You turned away from him, scooting back as delicately as you could until your back hit his chest. In an early stage of sleep, his arm squeezed around you. Although it hadn’t started this way, after your eyes had drifted shut, it was the first stint of restful sleep that you’d had in a long, long time.

[decolonize-the-everything]

(to preface this, i am white. figured i should make that known off the bat) i wanted to come bounce an idea off of you that i've been rolling around in my head for a bit. i have this pet theory that, for the population ill call here "white progressive queers who know very little about poc and racism", a large underpinning of this group's interaction with poc is a Fear of Fucking Up and more generally, moral purity thought. they (maybe even "we"- im still hopefully learning myself) get so paralyzed by this idea and line of thinking that goes something like this: "1) since i know nothing about poc & racism, then 2) clearly in discussions about these topics, i will fuck up and say something wrong or perhaps even Bigoted, which if i did 3) makes me an Irreparable Ontologically Evil Racist, hence 4) i should just be quiet and never ask questions/speak on these topics" which then results in said White Progressive Queer and those around them never learning. i wanted to know what you think abt this and tell me if im on the mark or not

also thank u for the work u do on this blog, ive found so many helpful resources through you

You're right. In my experience that's exactly how it is.

I want to add tho: yes they're uncomfortable that they might fuck up and be considered racists sure, but a huge part of that stems from the massive inability to place the discomfort where it belongs. Which is with their own guilt.

Instead they blame the conversations for making them uncomfortable.

And let's take some worthy notes here: this is not how white people feel all the time. Because white people are not uncomfortable making these fuck ups in front of other white people.

So it's not that the conversation is uncomfortable. They are made uncomfortable. And they are made uncomfortable because even when discussing anti-racism they step into the role of oppressor (the little fuck ups or accidentally bigoted comments) so naturally and God forbid other (not white) people can See how easy it is.

My advice for white people that are like this (that nobody asked for) is

Your fuckups do not define you but how you react to them does

Listen, respect, learn

That's it. That's the whole list. Say something bad? Apologize, but don't over-explain yourself. Ask how to fix it. Google how you fucked up so you understand why it wasn't okay. Google again to get idea of how your fuck up hurts people. Google some more to make sure you don't do it again. Go to some safe space and ask some clarifying questions. Listen, respect, learn.

Maybe the people you fucked up with don't forgive you and that's okay, they don't have to. But YOU won't ever make anyone feel bad or less than in the same way ever again and that's what matters.

Having one less person making racist comments matters even if it's a struggle for that person to get to that point.

I need y'all to understand that none of you are gonna just wake up being suddenly perfect anti-racist allies. And we will literally never ever have allies like that if y'all refuse to even sit with your own discomfort.

•°•°•

This weird morality issue white people have over looking racist is also just such a non-problem. Like if y'all want a PoC perspective: white people are already being racist ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ ....we Already see y'all as racists. And also I'm gonna experience racism anyway so I'd rather it be because someone was just being ignorant on the path to anti-racism.

Y'all are so worried about how shit Looks that you can't be bothered how really things are? Like you're so afraid of looking racist you'd allow yourselves to continue being actually ignorant and casually racist. And to avoid what? Being uncomfortable for a minute? Being called-out? A mean comment?

We are trying to stop hate crimes and genocide. Like that's what we are dealing with okay. Accountability for your actions is an acquired taste but I think y'all can handle some discomfort considering.

[emphistic]

"Buttface"

Things Reader Should Acknowledge: I THINK IVE FINALLY GOTTEN THE HANG OF TUMBLR (hip hip hooray!), i plan on having yuuji being sukuna's baby brother, however, yuuji hasnt been born yet

Prologue: Ever since Sukuna moved in next door, you two have grown closer. Like, impossibly close. One might even call you two "friends;" albeit Sukuna would always shut that idea down. But one thing Sukuna wouldn't shut down? — is that he loves to see you smile. And he would do anything to hear your laugh, over and over again.

A/N: this is in the same universe as "I'm Lactose Intolerant", and while the ages of sukuna and reader dont really matter here, i wrote this with the idea of sukuna being 14 years old and reader is 13 years old (feel free to change that to whatever you desire), brownie points to whoever recognizes the movie that sukuna and reader are watching

Please REFRAIN from REPOSTING MY WORK (REBLOGS ARE EXEMPTED FROM THIS RULE)

"This movie is stupid."

"You think everything is stupid, Stupid." You quip back, flicking Sukuna's forehead.

"Touché." He scoffs, and crosses his arms over his chest before leaning further back into the couch. You put your legs on his lap.

You grin to yourself, wondering if he really didn't notice that you called him by the name "Stupid". Then you think, he's probably just in a good mood, and go back to watching the comedy playing on the screen.

"I mean, how can it take you so long to figure out that someone who looks exactly like you is actually your long lost twin sister?" Sukuna moves his hand around to somehow make his point seem more valid.

"Besides, isn't this supposed to be a comedy? Where's the humor in this? This isn't funny, at all," Sukuna drones on — until you decide that you've finally had enough.

"This isn't funny? Well . . . it's not like you're funny, either." You stick your tongue out at Sukuna, in a teasing manner — to which he does the same.

"That's just what you think. I bet you didn't even know that all your friends come to me during break just to listen to me talk. In fact, most of the time, I'm not even trying to joke around, I'm just that naturally funny," Sukuna wore a smug look on his face.

"Sure, 'Kuna. They're just laughing because you have such a funny face. Sometimes I even get you mixed up with a chihuahua, you know."

"Oh really?" Sukuna glares at you, and gets closer to your face.

You copy him, "Yes — really."

At this point, the tips of your guys' noses were just centimeters away from touching. You could practically feel his warm breath on your face.

Woah.

Now you could hear your own breathing quicken.

Since when were Sukuna's eyes so red?

Your cheeks felt warm.

Why are his eyes so, so—?

"Buttface." Sukuna interrupts the silence.

You get pulled back to reality. "What did you just call me!?"

"What, you deaf now? I called you 'buttface,' Dumbass."

"Seriously, someone needs to control your vocabulary."

"Pft, I don't need any controlling."

You laughed, "Sure, Sukuna. Sure."

The movie ended, and the credits rolled. Sukuna grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, before getting off the couch.

"Want something to drink?" He peered over his shoulder at you, raising a brow.

"Ah, sure. Lemonade."

"Too bad, I ain't getting it for you," Sukuna stuffed his hands into the pockets of his sweats and walked off — to the kitchen, you assumed.

You grumbled, and threw a pillow at his back. It just bounced off, though, and you sighed.

He returned minutes later, with a glass of lemonade in his hand. Which was a clear sign he was trying to aggravate you, because he's expressed multiple times his strong detesting of the refreshing drink. (You completely disagree with him, by the way.)

"Dude, seriously?" You frowned.

"Totally serious. I mean, I couldn't resist. This glass of lemonade was just calling my name." He took a sip.

"It is so good."

Another sip.

"Shame you don't have a glass yourself."

And another sip.

You were practically ripping out your hair at this point. "C'mon, 'Kuna. If you won't get me a glass, can I just have a tiny sip of yours?" You entreated him with all your might.

Sukuna rubbed his chin with his thumb and index finger, pretending to think about his decision. Finally, he said, "What's with that name you keep calling me? And — what's the magic word?"

You huffed, "Please?"

He gestured for you to go on.

You clasped your hands together in a desperate, beggar-like manner. "Pretty please, Sukuna? Just a teensy weensy sip? For poor ol' me."

"Hmm, let me think. How about . . . no."

You gawked at the pink haired boy.

"WHAT."

"You heard me."

"Aghhh!" You jumped on Sukuna, trying to grab the glass of lemonade yourself. If he wasn't going to share, you just had to take matters into your own hands — literally.

Your attempts were fruitless, however; Sukuna just kept on raising the glass higher and higher above his head, to the point you couldn't even reach his wrist. Damn him and his stupid growth spurt.

His hand starts to shake as you try to climb him like a tree. Next thing you know, your wish is answered. You got your lemonade. Except, not in the way you had hoped. The lemonade was everywhere. On your clothes, Sukuna's clothes, the couch, everywhere.

"Oh shit." This time, you didn't correct Sukuna's obscene language.

The room became so silent that you would be able to hear a pin drop.

"Sukuna!" You whisper-shout. (You had no idea why you were whispering.)

"Don't look at me, this was your fault!" His hand still held the now empty glass.

"Me? This was all you," you retorted, jabbing a finger into the older boy's chest.

"Sureee, Y/N. Let's just forget about the fact that you were practically climbing my body."

You blushed.

"You could've just gotten your own cup of lemonade, but no, you just had to spill mine."

You scoffed, "Well, you could've shared, but you didn't — because your shellfish."

Sukuna looked at you funny, "Do you mean 'selfish'?"

"Same thing, you know I make mistakes with pronunciation."

He shrugged. Then, a great idea popped into your head.

"Your mess," you exclaim, before pushing off of Sukuna and darting away, only to be pulled back by your hood.

"Hey!" You shout, falling back onto Sukuna's chest.

"This is your mess. You caused this, remember?"

You groaned, turned around, and tackled Sukuna. You guys ended up rolling off the couch altogether. Pillows were thrown, and the lemonade spread onto the carpet.

"Let go of my foot, you big oaf!" You yelled, shoving at Sukuna's face.

"Not until you admit this was all your fault." He continued to wrestle with you on the ground.

"In. your. dreams."

You guys continued to fight, which made the mess even bigger. It felt like hours had passed. Hours where you still didn't get even a sip of lemonade. Then, you heard the sound of keys, and next thing you know; your parents walked in.

Your heartbeat hammered in your chest.

Your mom and dad took one good look at the two of you on the floor, and your mom said, "Knock it off, you two. And clean up the couch. I don't want my living room smelling like lemonade for the rest of the year." They walked into the kitchen.

You turned back to look at Sukuna, just to find him already staring at you. You guys continued to stare at each other before bursting out into laughter. Tears were basically streaming down the both of your guys' faces at this point.

Your mom yelled from the kitchen, "Ah, young love these days. So different from us — right, honey?" Your dad responded with a loud chuckle.

Looking down, you realized the position you were in. Sukuna lying on his back beneath you, while you were sitting on top of him. The expression on your face immediately soured.

You and Sukuna pulled away from each other in record timing, both of your expressions clearly, visibly flustered.

[somanyratsinthewalls]

Sunburst and fawn for the 700 follower prompt! 😍😍😍 I love your writing!

Thank you so much my friend! Thank you for supporting my writing :') This one is hot (no pun intended?) and I think I needed this to get me back into my Ace phase. He's so cute and nice and handsome and for what?

Pairing: Ace x Fem!Reader

Prompt: Virginity Loss

WC: 3100 oops!

***MINORS DNI**

TWs: virgin reader, p in v sex, oral sex, praise, fingering, Ace is so nice ugh, alcohol consumption, consent is key! unprotected sex (not cool don't do it) a bit of cum conversation? A cumversation, if you will?

Just Do It Already (+18)

——

Ace was your friend. Sure, you made out whenever you were drunk and he made sure to kiss you goodbye before he was sent on a mission… but Ace was just your friend. There was never a conversation about progressing into a relationship, as it was something completely new to the both of you. You both skirted the idea, Ace slept over in your bed on more than one occasion but it never progressed further physically than just heavy petting and passionate kisses. 

You never told Ace you were a virgin. You knew he certainly wasn’t, so it was a fact you kept close to the chest. You talked a big game, never shying away from his touch or his lips when the two of you found each other inebriated, but thankfully Ace had been reluctant himself to try and take it further… even though you felt ready. You were older than him, for fucks sake. It was about time…

Ace had been gone for almost a month now and you were beginning to worry about his safety. You couldn’t help the morose look that plagued your features as you went about your nursing duties on the ship. As much as you tried to keep your worries hidden, it was written all over your face. 

“Oh he’ll be back soon enough, little one.” Whitebeard chuckled down at you as you flushed out his IV with saline. 

“O-oh I-“ You stutter, flustered that Dad had so perceptively picked up on your concern over Ace’s wellbeing. 

“He’s right, y/n.” Marco chimed in from behind you at his desk in the medical bay. “Ace always comes home. He might be a hot head, but he doesn’t usually bite off more than he can chew.” 

“R-right. Thanks. I should really finish the laundry…” You say as you excuse yourself to the rest of your duties for the day. You pick up the basket of soiled sheets and hike it up over your hip before you exit the medical bay. 

You head to the laundry room and start washing the sheets by hand with a bar of soap and a washboard. You focus on your work and try to push the worry out of your mind. After a half hour or so, you hear commotion out on the deck of the ship. You leave the sheet in the wash bin and dry your hands on your apron before scurrying out to the deck. 

“Welcome back, mate!” “Thought you’d hauled off and deserted!” “Or got eaten by a sea king!” 

You stay to the back of the crowd that had formed on the deck of the ship, craning your neck to see what the fuss was bout. 

“Come on you guys, you had that little faith in me?” A familiar voice floats playfully through the air straight to your ears. It was Ace. You clutch your chest and let out a heavy breath. He was okay. 

You figure Ace would be caught up in the elation and welcome of his crew for awhile, so you try to slink back to finish your work. You could catch up with him later when he’s making less of a spectacle (he always did upon his return). 

“Woah woah woah hold up-“ You feel the people around you shift and a warm hand gripping your wrist and pulling you backwards. “Leaving without welcoming me back?” Ace pulled you close to him while spinning you around to face him. You swallow hard, finding it hard to steel yourself with that gorgeous freckled face so close to yours again… 

“Nearly gave me a heart attack, Firefist.” You try to sound pissed off, but the relief in your tone shown through to Ace, a small upwards quirk at the side of your lips not helping your case. “Don’t take so long without calling next time.” You scold. 

Ace makes an apologetic face. Without warning, he grips your hips and pulls you into a deep embrace, his lips close to your ear. He stroked your waist gently, his thumbs barely grazing the flesh underneath your top. 

“I promise baby, I’m going to make it up to you tonight. Gonna give it to you so fucking good…” Ace whispers softly, making sure you were the only one to hear his sinful words. He releases you just as he finished speaking, taking a few steps back to address the rest of the crowd that had formed. “No feast prepared for my arrival? Thatch!” Ace bellows across the deck. “It’s far past supper time, let’s eat!” 

The rest of the crew cheered loudly and carried Ace off to celebrate his return. You stood frozen for a few moments before you’re left alone. It was clear Ace wanted to go further with you.

Of course you wanted that, too! You were just nervous how he would feel if you told him he would be your first… you were so worried he would decide that it’s just too much pressure… too much attachment… and bail on you. Maybe you could just… not tell him…?

You broke out of your trance and headed to take a long shower. 

— — 

You took a long time to shave and moisturize your skin in the most expensive creams that a life at sea would allow. You thought that if you washed and came prepared, Ace would be less perceptive to your inexperience. You decided to put on your nicest pair of black lace panties and a matching bra, aiming to make a certain impression. You slipped on a body-con plain black dress and headed out to where the loud music was coming from. 

“Wow y/n, really showing out tonight I see… any particular reason?” Marco whistles at you and hands you a large wooden stein of beer. 

“It was laundry day.” You smirk and clink your mug with his. 

“You should really reign him in before he starts burning his own eyebrows off again.” Marco nods his head in the direction of a large group of pirates. They were all standing in a circle around a noticeably drunk Ace, cheering while Ace himself was shirtless and performing exciting and elaborate fire demonstrations.

“He’s such a ham.” You roll your eyes and drink your beer as you watch Ace relish in the feeling of being the center of attention. 

“I’m being serious, y/n. Once he knows you’re here he might cool off.” Marco remarks. 

You scoff. 

“I seriously doubt that.” You chuckle and take another big swig of alcohol. 

“Oye! Y/n! Did you see that one?” Ace shouts as he bounds over to where you were standing much like an excited puppy would. 

“Yes, yes Ace the fire-ferris-wheel never disappoints.” You giggle a bit as you push his shoulder teasingly.

“I’m leaving the two of you on your own. Stay safe kids, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Marco smiles and smacks Ace’s shoulder firmly before heading off to his quarters for the night, leaving you alone with Ace now. There were dozens of drunken pirates around you, but Ace always made you feel like it was just the two of you, no matter where you were. 

Ace leans down to nip at your bottom lip, too eager to even kiss you first. You gasp a bit and he captures your waist in his hot hands. Alcohol combined was lust was clouding his ability to control his powers, so his palms were searing hot against your skin. He moves his mouth from your lips to pepper light sucks and bites down your throat. 

“Can we go to your room, baby?” Ace whispers into your ear. He has one hand on the back of your head and the other slinking up and down your thigh. “I can’t wait anymore… need you now…” 

You pull back and nod. 

Ace grins and grabs your hand to pull you away from the deck and towards your private quarters. 

Ace leads you away from the crowd and hurriedly pushes your stateroom door open before dragging you inside. He slams the door shut behind you and is on you like a lion on a gazelle. His hands are gripping the sides of your face, pushing you into a searing kiss. His tongue pushes past your lips immediately to explore the inside of your mouth. Your hands fly up to meet his chest immediately. You push lightly, Ace pulls back from you with a hungry look in his eyes. 

“Ha ha woah pal, where’s the fire?” You chuckle nervously. 

“Oh baby I’ll show you the fire, come here…” Ace moves his hands from your face to uses them to grip your ass. He hikes you up into his arms and you yelp. Ace chuckles at his own stupid joke and moves over to toss you gently onto the bed. He climbs over on top of you much like a predatory animal hovering atop its prey. He presses a firm kiss to your lips before smooching wet kisses down your jaw and neck. Once he reached your sternum he pulls the strap of your tank dress off your shoulder, he then kissed the exposed flesh just above your covered breast. 

“Mmm let’s take this off, baby…” Ace pulls a bit harder on your top all while kissing his way down your skin. You realize that your hands were shaking as you raked them across Ace’s naked shoulders…

“I’ve never done this before!” You blurt out, almost completely involuntarily. 

Ace lifts his head from your chest to look at you with furrowed brows.

“What?” He cocks his head to the side. 

“I’m a virgin.” You spout immediately. You slap your trembling hands to your mouth. 

Ace, wide eyed now, pushes himself off you to stand on his knees on the bed. 

“Oh my god I’m so sorry! I-I had no idea! Y/n I wouldn’t ever want to make you feel-“ Ace stutters out at you, flustered now. 

“Ace it’s fine! Shut up!” You shake your head. “I didn’t tell you earlier because I wanted you to sleep with me.” You sigh. 

“Wait… so you didn’t tell me… because you want to have sex with me?” Ace scratches his head in confusion. 

“Yes! I wanted you to fuck me but I didn’t want you to be all weird about taking my virginity! It’s just it’s so not a big deal to me, I mean, the whole concept of it is a social construct! I just really like you and I want to have-“ You rattle off. 

“You’re rambling.” Ace interrupts you. He breaks into a cheeky smile. “I’ll fuck you babe, if that’s what you want. You’re sure?” He leans back over you again, hovering his face close to yours. 

“God, more than anything!” You gasp out, sounding more desperate than you’d have liked. Ace responds by hungrily taking your lips in a wet, messy kiss. You pull back briefly. 

“But Ace… can you… be a little gentle?” Your voice breaks a little of your lust filled haze and your nervousness bites at you briefly.

Ace smiles and presses a singular, tender kiss to your lips. 

“Anything for you.” 

You smile back and Ace continues where he left off in his exploration of your body, soft lips savoring each inch of skin on your collarbone. You begin to truly relax under Ace’s warm touch and you sigh in contentment. 

“Let’s get you out of this thing.” Ace says as he tugs your dress down your body and tosses it to the floor. He notices your fancy set of black lingerie and lets out a sly wolf whistle. “As pretty as you look right now, babe, I think I want it all off…” He grips the edges of your panties and slides them down your legs while you unhook your bra and let it slip to the floor to join the rest of your discarded clothing. 

You instinctively cover yourself with your hands, but Ace catches your wrists. 

“It’s okay, it’s just me. Do you want to keep going?” Ace asks earnestly. 

“Yes, please. C-can you take your clothes off too…?” You ask. Feeling a bit bare now in front of your lover, you thought that you should even the playing field. Ace grins. 

“Of course baby.” Ace briefly hops off the bed and places his hat on your nightstand. He turns away from you and kicks off his boots, followed by the sound of a belt clinking and then his shorts falling to the floor. He turns back towards you and you couldn’t help but marvel in the true beauty of his naked body. He had perfect sun kissed flesh, muscles rippling in his thighs and abs, and not to mention a very impressive cock. 

“Hey.” Ace says and you snap your eyes up to meet his gaze. “Eyes up here.” Ace winks. He then pounces on you, straddling you, and tickles his hands up your sides, making you giggle and swat his hands away. His touches become deeper and firmer, more purposeful as he started stroking up and down your sides. 

Your giggles turned into breathy sighs as he touched you. 

“Fuck me, please, Ace.” You beg for him. 

“I will, sweetheart, just gotta make sure you’re ready for me…” Ace moves back so he could spread your thighs apart and settled himself between them, his hot breath tickling your outer lips. He holds your thighs open with his strong palms as he spread your sex lewdly, exposing your sweet pearl to him. Ace leans all the way in and latches into your clit, giving it gentle sucks and licks. 

“OH, fuck!” You cry out at the sensation and your legs instinctively try to close, but Ace has them pried open still. Ace swirls his hot tongue back and forth over your sensitive nub, eliciting  gasps and moans from your dry lips. A tingling was starting to form in your lower half, a feeling that up until this point you had only given yourself.

“Can I stretch you a little, baby?” Ace says as he presses a firm kiss to your clit. 

“Yes!” You all but shout, wanting to feel more of him, wanting to keep chasing that high. 

With your consent, Ace presses one finger into your hole and slowly moves it in and out of you. You moan. You were so lost in the pleasure of Ace’s lips on your clit that you barely noticed when Ace slipped a second finger inside of you. You could feel his thick digits stretching you out, but when he curled them upwards, it hit a spot that made you yelp and jerk forward a bit. 

“There it is…” Ace smirks into your pussy as he continues to gently tap on that special spot inside you. “I want you to let go baby… You’re doing so good for me…” You whine and buck your hips, wanting him to press harder inside of you. “Wanna watch you cum, can you try and do that for me? Want you to cum all over me…” Ace praises you all while he increases the speed and pressure of his fingers. 

“AH!” You cry out as Ace pushes you to climax with his sinful hands and filthy words. This orgasm was nothing like you had given yourself. You felt your body spasm and shake for several moments as the wave of pleasure came crashing over you. 

“Good fucking girl!” Ace shouts happily as you loll your head back on the pillow and clutch your heaving chest. 

“You okay? You still want to keep going?” Ace comes back up to hover over you and strokes a lock of hair out of your sweaty face. 

“Yes, Ace.” You nod. “Please fuck me.” 

Ace lines his weeping cock up with your soaked hole. 

“And you’ll tell me if you want to stop?” Ace slides his tip through your folds and circles your clit a few times before bringing it back to rest at your entrance. 

“Yes! Now shut up and put your dick in me!” You groan, frustrated. 

Ace responds by pressing himself into you. You gasp. He sinks in a few inches then pulls back out, gently coating himself inch by inch in your wetness so he can slide further in with each stroke. It was far more intense than his fingers, but it didn’t really hurt at all, just maybe uncomfortable at first. 

“Taking it so well baby, I’m so proud of you.” Ace coos down at you, but can’t take his eyes off your pussy stretching so nicely around his member. Eventually after a few minutes of gauging your reactions and stimulating other parts of your body, Ace was able to sheath himself fully inside you. 

“Look sweetheart, you did it! So fuckin’ tight… I’m not gonna last long in here…”  Ace pants out as he starts to fuck you slow and deep. “How do you feel baby?” He asks as he slides his hands up to grab at your breasts. 

“S-so full, Ace!” You say softly, almost completely overwhelmed by the intense stimulation you were receiving. 

“You feel so amazing babe, fuck!” Ace can hardly believe how close he is to cumming. Your hot, wet center sucked him in so deeply and your fucked out face stared up at him in adoration, there was no way he could contain himself. He held out for a few minutes but once you started moaning his name, he was done for. 

“Oh shit oh fuck-“ Ace pulls out of you quickly and splatters several ropes of cum onto your mound and lower stomach. 

Ace pants as he leans back on his heels. After catching his breath, he flops next to you in bed on his stomach. 

“Hey, was this my first time or yours?” You say jokingly, still trying to catch your breath as well. 

“Ugh it’s been awhile okay…” Ace sighs as he buries his face in your pillow. 

“I’m just kidding.” You lightly slap his shoulder. “It was almost perfect.” You smile and pat his head. 

“Almost? Why almost?” Ace picks his head up and scrunches his eyebrows at you. 

“You’re about to fall asleep and I’m still here spread eagle with cum all over me.” You say.

“Oh shit-“ Ace hops up out of bed and finds some tissues to clean you up with. “Sorry baby..” He says with a sheepish grin. 

You reach up and trace his tattoo with your finger. 

“I can think of another way you could apologize.” You smirk. 

--

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part XXV

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself. Drinking is mentioned, Satoru is ooc and a bit mean. Umm... I don't know. If you think of anything, let me know.

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII, Part IV, Part XV, Part XVI, Part XVII, Part XVIII, Part XIX, Part XX, Part XXI, Part XXII, Part XXIII, Part XXIV

----------------------

“Are you sure you don’t want some company? You look kind of…” Haruki did not finish that sentence, but you could guess what he meant.

Affected? Dumbfounded? Hurt? I am, all of those.

After your argument with Satoru, both of you had returned to the table looking gloom and shaken, and none of you had had the stomach to try the dessert after all.

Out of decency, Satoru had not made any excuses to leave early. But his eyes did not meet yours for the rest of the night, alternating between Haruki, Shoko, and the dessert he would push around over his plate but would not eat. And just like you, he had lost all will to chat with the rest. Then he had said his goodbyes quickly and left you all standing on the street outside the restaurant.

After you accompanied Shoko part of the way in the direction of her house, Haruki had insisted on walking you home.

Now you were standing in front of the closed door to your apartment with concerned hazel eyes trying to decipher what was going through you head.

“I guess I could not impress your friends, could I?” he asked, testing your mood.

You still did not look at him when you replied “You didn’t do so bad. Shoko was quite pleased.”

It was true. Even if the mood had become awkward towards the end of the night, you could tell Shoko had apparently enjoyed herself for a while.

“But Gojo wasn’t… It must have been quite a chat if it let you both that quiet.”

You knew there was no hostility in his tone, but it still reminded you of everything Satoru had told you.

“Is it because…?”

“Why did you have to…?”

Both of you had spoken at the same time, but when Haruki’s eyes connected with yours, he knew the answer to the question he had not finished. “So, it is because of what I said that Gojo got so weird. Am I right?”

He sighed.

It was not like you to look for someone to blame, and in all honesty, you could probably blame yourself for most of what had happened, but…

“He got the impression you and I have something, and now he thinks I was toying with him.”

He figured it had been something like that. He had felt like Gojo was mentally throwing daggers at him when he finally returned to the table and set his eyes on him.

“I’m sorry...” Haruki’s eyes showed genuine regret. “I guess I got petty. The other night, when you told me you felt he actually likes you, and that you wanted to give him a chance…” He smiled sadly. “...I felt happy for you, really. But when I saw him tonight, and the way he looks at you, I realized I would have to let you go.”

He had never seen it up-close, the way you and Gojo orbited around each other; how any of you would say something and immediately look at the other as if waiting for their reaction, the looks and smiles between the two revealing the complicity shared, like a dance you were the only ones who knew the steps of, a synchronized waltz perfected through the years.

You leaned against the door and looked down. “He hates me now though.”

Haruki leaned his side against the wall, looking at you. “You know,” there was a slight change in his remorseful tone from before, “when I was in high school, I was working parttime at this coffee shop, and one day during cashier duty, I spotted this person in the line and immediately felt like I needed to know them. I could have just given them their order and taken their money, but I asked them about the keychain dangling from their bag.”

I remember.

“I’ve never once regretted it,” he said looking into your eyes. “They turned out to be fun and smart, and made me so happy during a time when I was so miserable at home. I even felt a bit jealous of the friends who got to see them every day, and of that Satoru they talked so much about, and who obviously had loved them long before I even met them.”

Right, even back then, you would constantly mention Gojo during your outings. You had thought it was just natural for friends to talk so much about each other, to be constantly reminded of your bond, to see something and wonder if Satoru would like it, eat it, what would he think of it, and the need to share anything you found enjoyable with him.

‘Satoru would say this is not sweet enough.’

‘Satoru likes this anime too.’

‘The other day, Satoru said…’

Looking back at it, maybe you had fallen for him long before your lips touched his.

“I am sure he still feels the same,” Haruki said almost in a whisper as he reached for your face.

Looking at you, Haruki wondered what would have happened if you two had had more time. Would he have had a chance if you had met at a different stage in life? Would you have still drifted apart if your time had not been cut short when you were younger? If only he had met you sooner or maybe later than that hot summer that persuaded you to enter the air-conditioned coffee shop where he was working to escape the heat for a few minutes, would things have been different?

No... It is unfair to blame timing.

Those few minutes making small talk with you stretched into one of the happiest seasons of his youth. He did not want to change it, and hoped you did not either, even if the period when he could hope for anything more than friendship had come to an undeniable end.

“And you and him will sure have many more happy seasons together,” he said before pressing a caste kiss on your cheek and embracing you.

To you and Haruki, this was his way of saying goodbye to the possibility of anything else between you and him, an amicable end to a bright summer.

Unfortunately, to the white-haired man standing farther away in the hallway, who had not heard his words but witnessed his actions, although unnoticed by any of you, it felt like the end of the world he had been living in for the last few weeks.

***

If anyone had told Yaga that hiring two of his own former students as teachers would make his life this hard, he would have decided against it from the start.

Gojo was MIA, and he had had to call a substitute to cover for him. And then, there was you, who while physically present before your students, did not look as focused as usual.

You had taken your class to the training grounds for an improvised training outside, or that was what you were telling to Principal Yaga.

“I didn’t think ‘improvised’ was your teaching style, [name],” Yaga said while observing your students. “That’s more like Satoru’s.”

“I suppose,” you agreed, trying to ignore the painful feeling hearing his name caused.

Yaga glanced at you from the corner of his eye. Your face was turned to the training grounds ahead of you, but a look into your eyes would easily reveal your mind was somewhere else.

As your former mentor, Yaga usually trusted your teaching methods and knew better than to pry on your personal business, so he opted for letting it is slip.

“Now, about Satoru, you wouldn’t happen to know where he is, would you?”

That question seemed to briefly pull your mind from wherever it was, and Yaga saw you focus on the kids running around in the field and shake your head lightly. “No, I haven’t heard of him.”

Nothing since that night.

“What a way to slack off,” Yaga grumbled. “I’ll have Ijichi pay him a visit.”

Despite your low spirits, that thought amused you.

Poor Ijichi; he had been your junior in high school, and while he had become a reliable assistant, still looked up to you and Shoko. You suspected he held some of the same respect for Gojo, and that may be why he put up with his antics so much. That did not mean that Satoru had stopped treating him as his underclassman, though.

Even if he can find Satoru, he will be lucky if he can talk any reason into him and drag him to the school.

“Right, why don’t you go instead?”

Yaga was looking at you, waiting for your answer.

Had you said that aloud?

“Me?" you asked. You? Reach out to Satoru, after everything that had happened? "I can’t.. I mean, I have to watch my students.”

Lame excuse, and by the way Yaga kept his eyes on yours, you could tell he knew it was just that, an excuse.

Of course, he probably was not caught up with all the drama between you and Satoru, so he did not see any issues with his request.

“You mean the students who are about to shot us an arrow?”

“What…?”

You did not have time to finish the question when indeed, and arrow infused with curse energy flew by between you and Yaga followed by the gasps and ‘watch out’ screams of the kids.

You looked at them in disbelief and yelled, “I said no cursed tools for now! Put that away.”

Their obedience probably was motivated by Principal Yaga’s stern watch on them rather that your scolding.

“Sure, you may need to keep a sharper eye on them.” The principal’s expression was a severe as always, but you thought you saw the ghost of a smile on his face. “Check on Satoru later, alright? And tell him that he should pass by my office when he finally decides to grace us with his presence.” Now his tone had been a bit more serious.

With that, Yaga left.

Only once he was out of your sight, he allowed himself to smile more openly, remembering a certain group of students who had done their own fair share of mischief back in the day. Not that he would not give one of them a good scolding for skipping work though.

***

“Hello?” you asked, cautiously stepping into Gojo’s apartment.

You had knocked, many times actually, but there had been no response.

He had missed the whole workday at the school; as far as you knew from the assistants, he not been sent on any missions, and even Shoko had confirmed not having communicated with him at all that day.

He had not responded to your texts or calls, so you did the one thing you had been hoping to avoid all day: going to his place.

After some awkward minutes knocking on his door, you decided the situation was getting concerning and took out the emergency spare key you had to Satoru’s apartment.

When you were finally in, the darkness was the first thing you noticed. The sun was going down and some light still filtered through the partially open curtains.

Maybe he is not home?

“Satoru?” you called.

You walked further into the apartment and saw Gojo laying down on the couch of his living room. You stepped closer and noticed he was asleep.

Carefully, you towered over him.

Is he sick or...?

Only then, you noticed the half-full bottle of vodka on the table. Since when did he have alcohol at home?

“[name].”

Satoru was laying still, looking at you with half-lidded eyes, and you took a step back, straightening up. “You’re awake.”

He sat up. “How did you get in?”

At least he does not look too drunk.

You raised your hand, still holding the spare key he had given you. “You did not come to the school. Have you been here the whole day?”

His focus shifted to his surroundings as if he was disoriented.

“Where is your phone? We have called you a hundred times. Yaga is pissed, and…”

“Can-can you stop?” His brows were furrowed, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose. “I have a headache... Why is it that you are you here again?”

You huffed. “Yaga asked me to come here. Are you drunk?”

You did not recognize the look he gave you and his eyes drifted to the bottle sitting in front of him, the recollection of the last couple of days slowly coming back to him. Him telling you those awful things in the restrooms, him going to your place because he felt bad for saying them, him seeing Ikeda getting all affectionate with you, his blood boiling at the sight and the ache in his chest that followed.

The rest was a blur.

He had bought that bottle and been hesitant at first about drinking any of it. No, he did not like the taste of it nor the burning feeling in his throat, but once the alcohol had settled in, it would numb his senses, and if he was lucky, he would fall unconscious into a prolonged dreamless sleep. At that moment, it looked exactly like what he needed. The only thing he had not considered was the pounding headache he would wake up with.

The place was almost completely dark, but the little light getting in shone too brightly. He closed his eyes.

“Satoru?”

With effort, he opened his eyes enough to see you were handing him his blindfold. He must had left it discarded on the floor.

He took it, and the way his fingers brushed yours did not go unnoticed by either, but he quickened to pull his hand back and cover his eyes as if it had not happened.

You let a soft sigh scape your mouth. “Can we talk?”

You looked at him expectantly.

“I think we’ve talked enough,” he said in a flat tone.

He knew you needed to talk. What had happened in the restrooms that day had hardly been talking. It had been yelling and accusing, mostly from his part. He had felt ashamed for exploding like that, but when he thought of Ikeda holding you in front of your apartment, he could not help but feel hurt and betrayed all over again.

“No, Satoru. I mean, actually talking, explaining, and…”

And telling you I love you.

“I said there is nothing to talk about, [name]. Please just leave me alone.“

You swallowed your words. He wanted alone time. That was understandable.

“Okay,” you agreed almost breathless. “I get you are not feeling well.”

You eyed the bottle on the table in front of him. “Don’t drink more, okay?” Your voice was soft, mindful of the headache he had.

You wanted to stay and look after him, just as you always did when he was not feeling well, but his rigid posture and the way his face was turned away from you, was a clear sign that he would not be receptive to your presence now.

“And call Yaga," you continued. "He wanted to know if you’re coming to the school tomorrow or if he will need another substitute.”

The slight nod he gave you was the only confirmation that he had heard you.

“Okay,” you nodded back and turned to leave.

“[name]?”

You halted at the mention of your name and walked back, hopeful.

Satoru was still looking at some invisible point in front of him instead of your face, and the fact that his blindfold was on, and the room was almost completely dark made it only harder to read his expression.

“I’d like you to please leave your spare key.”

Huh?

You blinked once, twice. Your throat was closing. Why did you suddenly felt like crying?

Was it the foreign courteous tone in which he had request it? Was it because he was asking you to return a symbol of your friendship and trust in each other?

Perhaps, it was the underlying meaning behind such action why your hand trembled slightly when you placed the key on the table in front of him.

If he noticed the tear that landed on his carpet when you bent forward or if he was tempted to stop you and comfort you, you could not tell because you had never walked out of Satoru’s apartment faster.

----------------------

Note: Sorry for any typos, errors, etc. I'll proof-read later... at some point...someday.

For now, I hope you are all well. <3

Thank you for reading!

Next: Part XXVI

@mavs-stuff @witchbybirth @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @tqd4455 @maybe-a-bi-witch @mo0nforme @maliakealoha @zacatecanaaaa @blushhpeachh @astriarose @missesgojosatoru @ba-ks @sukunasleftkneecap @songbirdlully @cole-silas @heijihattorisgf @chokesonspit @hersheyzzz @smolbeanzzz @luciledreamz @avidreadee123 @moonmalice @ratscandaler @sadmonke @allie-jay @username23345 @spin-garden @ashehateaccount @kayzens @blehtotheblehtothebleh @stellasloth @bloopsstuff @cheesemachine44 @tetsuski @rosellerinfrost @catowru @bi-narystars @wondermilka @fortunatelyfurrygiver @shrxui @cc1306 @chili-paste

[kingshovelbug]

im sorry but i need to geek out somewhere and screaming into the void on tumblr is less likely to get me flayed than on twitter, especially if i get terms wrong. plus i can do a read more and yall can click into the tech talk if you want to verse it bombarding your twitter timelines

so idk if i only liked it or if i actually put it in my queue but i saw a post that talked about a few pieces of tech that focus on user repairs and being sustainable (fairphone and frameworks laptop) and after doing some more research into what they have to offer i actually really excited that these products are finely hitting the us market and that people are moving away from the belief that super smooth streamlined glassy = the future. being able to reliably repair and keep what you have alive verse throwing the whole thing away when maybe all you needed to do is add more ram to your current laptop (something that i would do with my laptop to keep using it for a few more years if it wasnt glued shut and i was at risk of cracking the screen) or swap out a fuse.

i know big corporations dont like it but i truly do believe with how much tech we use on a daily basis that the way that we are going to be more environmentally friendly is to move back to tech that we can hang onto for as long as we can and to recycle and then reuse what we cant. like with the frameworks laptop. i saw that they just partnered with coolermaster to create a case specifically so that you can reuse you motherboard, cpu, etc and make a portable workstation. you could dual wield with the laptop you just upgraded if you want to dedicate specific tasks to one or the other. they also specifically mentioned that you could screw it into the back of a monitor and create your own all in one. guys thats cool as shit??? if you had a 3d printer and some time you could even create that yourself

on top of the actual hardware part moving to open source programs when your able. when i update my desktop i plan on running linux. it might have a learning curve compared to windows but in terms of performance??? ive heard that it runs smoother even on older machines, that its more efficient because isnt running stuff in the background that tracks your data and shit. now i understand that not everyone can do that because there are some programs that dont play nice with linux but for my needs at least it does everything i would need it to. and maybe a couple years down the road we do figure out how to run these programs on certain flavors of linux since its open source and people fiddle with it so much. (still looking for alternatives to like word and excel though, i use google docs since its free but i want to move away from them as much as i can too since they laid of their youtube music team (i believe?? it might of been a different branch) for trying to unionize)

if anyone knows of any other smaller companies that actually focus on sustainability and user repairability please let me know. theres certain pieces of tech that i think are now unfortunately behind a software repair paywall, things that used to be just machines and are gaining more bells and whistles like cars and refrigerators if that makes sense. but the more we push for these things to be repairable by us the consumers id hope that would change, or there would at least be options that dont need specific companies to repair them or else they blow up

[fushigur0ll]

Hiii.!! So idk if u take requests or not..😅 but i js read all of ur e42 miles fic and i love the way u write him sm.!! And i was wondering if u could write a fem reader or not up to u.!! But reader having a rlly bad day and miles come home and sees her rlly upset and js comforts her.? Js like a fluff wit sum angst.?!

Ive js been havin a hard time here recently and i need some miles comfort..☹️ buttt if u dont want to do it that’s completely fine i just love ur writing smm.!!💕💕💕💕

Have a good day.!!!

..you’re the sweetest person? omg? help me now? i’m so sorry you’re having a not so good time but i hope it does it better with me writing your request and in general<3 this may be a little late because i’m going through temporary writers block once again:)

I’M HERE

꒰ ♡ ꒱ — earth42!miles notices you haven’t been yourself lately so now being the boyfriend he is, he’s gonna try and make you feel better!

includes; a tinge of angst nothing too much, fluff, tears, cuddles, kisses and a whole lotta love<3 not proofread, i just woke up💔

miles stares at his you with a blank look, noticing that ever since you came over to his house you’ve been quiet..unusually quiet. everytime he’d ask you something you’d answer with basically a monosyllable or a mutter of an ‘yes’ or a ‘no’

he’s not frustrated with you at all but he’s frustrated with himself that he can’t figure out what is wrong with you and he wants to make you feel better and not dwell in this feeling forever. he huffs and just stares at you longingly, thinking on what to do but the only other thing he can think of is just talk but you really don’t seem in the mood for that but hey

he has to try

“baby” he calls out, watching you hand freeze, the tip of the mechanical pencil was at least half an inch away from the book. you keep your hand there as you glance up at him, just staring at him with a blank look to your face and eyes making him get increasingly worried.

“c’mere” he beckons you over with a nod of his head and you sigh, placing your pencil down then your headphones before getting up from your seat to walk over to him. he pats his lap and you hesitantly sit on sideways on his lap so you can rest your head into his chest. he rubs your back softly while his other hand softly rubs your thigh, his callused hand squeezing the fat of your thigh.

“something is wrong with you and don’t deny it because you know that i know” he looks down at you not giving you a chance to deny the things he’s said.

which was true.

you didn’t want to bother him with your concerns and your train of thoughts because you thought it would’ve burdened or bothered him. your eyes start to burn with unshaded tears, your hands in your lap as you play with your fingers trying to stop yourself from crying so he wouldn’t see but if it wasn’t for miles noticing the change in your breathing pattern going from calm to staggered, made his eyebrows furrow, quickly cupping your face to see now, tears rolling down your cheeks.

“hey hey- what’s going on?” he frowns as you stuff your face into his chest again, sniffling and softly crying into his chest. he looks up and holds you tight to his chest as he hears you no longer trying to keep your cries to yourself with your sobs getting louder and louder the less you try to keep them concealed.

at this point he thinks he did something to hurt you this much that you’re sobbing this harsh onto him. it almost makes his eyes stings by the way he can hear the heartbreak and sadness from your cries. he sits there holding you to him tightly and kissing your cheek, temple and shoulder once in a while with small mumbles of comments like “i’m here” “i’m not going anywhere” “talk when you’re ready baby”

“Deep breaths." he whispers into your ear, trying to make you calm down. “do what i’m doing baby, come on” he holds your hand softly and starts breathing in and out for you to repeat. you nod and you start repeating him, breath still shaky but doing much better..

it took a while, like 5 minutes before you calmed down. you were about to wipe your cheeks but your boyfriend beats you to it, wiping your face for you. he fixes you on his lap so you were filling straddling him with both legs on either side of him and you facing him directly. he keeps his hand cupped on your cheek and sees you nuzzle into it with your eyes fluttering closed

“a little better?” he asks, softly and you nod.

you both sit there in silence for what feels like a while before you open your eyes again and kiss the palm of his hand then leaning forward to kiss his soft lips that kiss you back. you wrap your arms around his around his shoulders while his go around your waist, pulling you closer as you two continue to lock lips. you pull away from each-other staring into each other eyes with nothing but love and admiration.

“talk to me beautiful” he whispers, hands going back to rubbing your skin softly. you sigh and look down at your lap.

“i’m sorry- you have nothing to apologize for” he cuts you off. he tilts your face up to him again. “don’t ever apologize for feeling how you’re feeling. i just wanna be there for you” you nod and stare at him softly.

“i’m just so tired miles” you pout slightly, feeling another tear come down your face but he’s there’s to wipe it away. “i was so annoyed with classes today and some boys in my class just kept annoying me on purpose” you feel his hand tighten on your thigh but you continue “and when i stood up for myself and told them to stop— the teacher came at me..me! not them, me! i tried to explain but he just told me to go to the principals office for talking back and then i just went and i told the principal everything and he said that everything will be fine which obviously nothing turned out fine right after that” you exhale “they kept flipping harassing me and they just kept saying the most complete idiotic things about how i don’t belong here and they said…” you trailed off, frowning deeply which makes his head tilt to the side in confusion

“they said what?”

your mouth opens and closes trying to spit it out but you didn’t want to because you knew it was gonna be a 85% chance he was gonna go search for them tomorrow and deal with them

“tell me baby, i’m not gonna do anything” he mumbles bringing you much closer and you knew his ass was lying but you told him anyways.

“they..they said how i didn’t deserve you and how you could do much better then me..then they just started mentioning stuff you did in the past before me just trying to make me believe that you’re just gonna treat me like shit..then on top of all of that, the same teacher that sent me to the principals, said how i failed my test and i just couldn’t take it anymore” you sobbed “t-then my friends ditched me at lunch today and i was by myself and i didn’t want to be by myself because i knew i was gonna break down like right now” you sob harder, just mentally and physically tired. “my back hurts too” you add, shaking your head and he just sighs, pushing your head to his chest again, allowing you to get your feelings out.

“it’s okay to cry baby, let it out” he assures and you nod, holding him tight as you continue to cry. “i’m sorry, i’m crying too much” you laugh tearfully, going to wipe your tears but he beats you too it.

“again, stop apologizing” he frowns gently puts your hands down from your face to cup and rub your cheeks to wipe the tears.

“don’t you ever, ever, think i’m gonna leave you or treat you like shit..why would i? i have no reason to, pretty” he brings your face closer to kiss your nose and lips. “those idiots, they don’t know me baby, they haven’t spent a single day with me, they only just love to judge from a far and think whatever and that’s what i am” he shakes his head. “i love you too much to let you go, i’m so appreciative of you, you don’t even understand and you won’t ever. i never had anyone care and look out for me the way you do, love me the way you do” he whispers, staring deep into your eyes.

“everything you do makes me feel at home, it doesn’t make me what everyone thinks i am. you didn’t run when we met, you didn’t give up on me no matter how many times i tried to keep that wall around me” he chuckles and shakes his head. “you made me understand how it is to love someone else that isn’t my mom, dad or even my uncle. no matter how many times i see you, even still till this day, my heart beats so fast for you” he takes one hand off your cheek to get your hand that rests on his lap to bring it to his chest, right where his heart lays and no lie that was told.

you eyes widen a bit when you do indeed feel his heart beat faster then normal. you smile and so does he. “and you know i never like lying” you agree with a small nod of your head.

“i’ll talk some sense into them” that makes you look at him with a deadpan and he smiles “no one is gonna talk to my girl like that, i don’t play about you” you couldn’t help but giggle and that makes him smile every wider that you’re cheering up. “as for your test, let’s see if you can retake it and i’ll help you study. if you can’t retake it, wait for the next one and you’ll do even better. ‘n for your back, i can run you a hot or warm bath and i’ll take care of you, mkay?”

you nod

“words baby”

you smile “yes miles”

“that’s my girl”

“can we lay down first? i missed you” you whisper, rubbing his arms making him smile and nod. “anything for you” he holds your thighs as he fixes himself on his bed, laying back properly and with you still ontop of him, head on his chest listening to the fast but soft beating to his heart. he hums softly, eyes closed as he rubs your back and thigh softly.

“hearing your heart makes me happy” you speak softly, tilting your head up to look at him. he opens his eyes to looks right back at you.

“you make me happy too”

“…” you both stare at eachother bursting into laughter. “too corny baby” you chuckle and lean him to kiss him softly. “i love you” you whisper against his lips and he grins against yours, kissing you back but not before responding,

“i love you more, my beautiful girl”

fushigur0ll © 2022 all rights reserved.

[softspace-fics]

Hiiiiii I just read your new loki fic with a disabled little and I was amazing to read especially when it's relatable like that I have a bad relationship with my health 😅

If your comfortable with it I really feel that a stucky x disabled little would be a perfect match cuz bucky is disabled (just in a cooler way with the vibranium arm) and iv been reading how you write bucky and Steve and they just want what's best for they're little so I need to read them helping the reader be more comfortable with they're disability.

You can ignore this but I just wanna say I love your blog and I hope your having a great day

-🦄

Hurts.

Masterlist - All my work!

A/N - hiii! I am so sorry your request took a little bit because I wanted to make it similar yet different to my story "It's hard." because everyone's experience with pain and why they don't feel comfortable with others when in pain, or for why they have bad relationship with their health is completely different. I wish I could include everyone in each post, and if you'd like to share your story with me I'd love to know, your never alone in your battles. If you have any feed back please let me know!

Warnings⚠️: mentions of rough family life, parents saying meds should fix the pain, ignorance of how pain affects someone, negative regression, mentions of bucky in hydra but nothing significant, please let me know if I missed anything!!

Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x Little!Reader

___________

Bucky understood what it was like to be in unbearable pain, feeling like your entire body was being ripped to shreds. He had been stuck being experimented on for how long? When he told Steve about how he felt on a daily basis even after not being experimented on for a while, Steve did his best to learn how to help him out when the pain just made it unbearable.

This meant that steve tried hard to figure out the best ways to help anyone who was in severe amounts of pain. He tried epsom salts, different type of ointments, mental care, anything he possibly could think about to make bucky comfortable. 

So when they met you, you didn’t seem out of the ordinary for them, to them you were seen as such sweet person and you were pretty confident. When people would talk to you, you helped them out if you could, or were polite in saying you couldn’t. 

You had originally met the two in a library when Steve and Bucky were looking for different types of books to try and learn more about the world today. You were trying to reach for the book on the highest shelf, and pain was shooting through every fiber in your body. You were exhausted and uncomfortable when you saw Steve's shadow behind you and got spooked. You jumped and nearly fell over from moving too quickly off your tippy toes. He gently grabbed your arm to stabilize you before smiling at you and apologizing for scaring you.

He asked if you needed help with getting the book off the shelf and you quietly said yes. It was one of your favorite childhood books, you read them sometimes when you regress, although  he didn’t need to know that. You felt bad making him do it for you, even though he asked. You know it wasn’t anything significant but you had never been able to accept help. 

Your family barely paid any attention to your pain, you were thrown on meds that did nothing when you were a kid and they stopped caring. Everytime you said something you always got “Well, did you take your meds?” “Your meds worked yesterday, don’t lie to me” Meds this, meds that. It got to the point you stopped taking meds and never asked your parents for help with your pain. 

When you were able to finally get into doctor offices by yourself you got meds that helped somewhat, but you still never felt as if you could rely on anyone else to help with your aches and how you felt on the inside. You had meds which meant that you should be fine and learn to deal with the pain on your own. Right?

You had seen the duo in the bookstore quite often after the first interaction, learning they were together and they were shocked when you told them you had no clue who “captain America” or the “winter soldier” was. You never really payed attention to the world outside of your bubble, you couldn’t relate to a lot of people so you shut off a lot of the outside. 

Eventually they asked you out, and from then on is history. But something you still hadn’t told them about was the chronic pain, and the regression that came from it. You had times where getting out of bed was the worst idea ever, showering was beyond out of the question, and regression was the only option your brain had.

You’d regress young enough that you could toddle and make it from point A to point B, but past that you had no survival when you were in so much agony. This means there became times you didn’t eat for hours, you’d sleep longer than you should, and there would be times you didnt respond for hours to anyone.

Bucky and Steve got super worried on days you never replied, they tried to let you have your space, thinking that it was something that you just did, but when you didnt show up for a date at their place, they ran over, thoughts racing.

They knocked on your door which woke you up, but you had no energy to attempt in getting up. Not knowing it was them, you assumed it was a package and tried to go back to sleep when they knocked louder.

Steve continued to knock while bucky prayed that you had left a key outside to your apartment incase you lost yours. He looked under a brick and practically ran to get your door open. Thank god that he remembered people put keys under rocks.

When they got in the apartment, the quickly rushed to find you. Scanning and worridly running around.

“Y/N??” Steve shouts, checking the bathroom.

“Sweetheart?!” Bucky yells as he opens the door to your room, where he finds you crumpled in pain, your room darker than a cave.

“Please, stop screaming.” You mumble quietly, you clutch your stuffie to your chest, your regression starting to set in after being brutally awaken.

Bucky quickly comes and sits by your side, helping to pull the blanket away from your face, looking at you with complete and utter concern.

Steve eventually comes in with some things in his hands, bucky looks at him puzzled before connecting the dots.

See, Bucky found you, but Steve found your regression and safe room. Where you had soft toys and padding everywhere. It was something you had filled with everything that you could need for when your regressed, and when it hurt too much to move.

The two knew what age-regressors were from tony, seeing as him and Stephen were the proud caregivers of Peter and Wanda. So when Steve saw your pacifier and heating pads, and anything else that might help, he grabbed it all.

“Baby, can you tell us whats wrong?” Bucky softly asks, tucking your hair behind your ear, Softly rubbing your thigh with his thumb.

“Hurts.” you mumble out softly, you slowly flip over, and bury your face into bucky's stomach. His scent fills your lungs, and he slowly starts to rub your back, holding you closely. 

Steve comes up behind Bucky, his face contorted to a face of his own pain. He hated seeing you so upset, and mowing you were trying to fend for yourself, by yourself, hurt him.

“Do you want your pacifier darling?” Steve gently asks, he wasn’t sure if you knew he had found your room, and wasn’t wanting to freak you out.

Hearing him ask that question, you looked up from bucks embrace with pure terror. How did he find it? Why was he so calm about it?

Bucky softly cupped your cheek and kissed your forehead before pulling you back into his embrace, rubbing small circles on your back before he speaks calmingly.

“Doll, we know about regression or age-dreaming, there's nothing to be afraid of, we promise.”

You relax into his hold before slowly nodding. Steve hands you your paci and you slide it between your lips and just rest against bucky, the pain minorly subsiding with the extra pressure of his hug.

“Baby, I know that the pain can be hard to handle, but you don't have to go this alone, you'll never be alone now that we're here. Whatever we can do, we want to do it. Please never feel as if you have to fight this battle alone.” Bucky manages to barely whisper out, fighting his own emotions.

Your tears begin to fall, hearing words you've never heard before. You’ve had to fight by yourself for so long, that maybe them knowing wasn't for the worst.

“Your not alone anymore, never alone. We're with you now. The pain doesn't have to be suffering anymore, let us help.” Steve sits next to you and buck, rubbing your back and leaving little kisses on your head.

You slowly nod, wanting someone to be there, maybe this time, you'll be able to accept the help. The right help.

[ponett]

ive seen you post about doctor robotnik's ring racers occasionally on twitter and would like to hear your overall thoughts on the game

I'm enjoying it a lot! It plays well, has a ridiculous number of unlockable characters and tracks, and is generally just really polished. This would be impressive even for a paid indie kart racer that cost like $20-$30, but for a freeware fangame that's somehow built off of Doom? It's nuts. So much love and care went into this. I've been having a lot of fun playing through all the Grand Prix cups and clearing out the challenge board, which I've only completed 47% of it even with over 15 hours of playtime logged.

It's absolutely one of the most hardcore kart racers I've ever played, though, and that's gonna turn some people off. While playing solo even easy mode can be difficult, especially thanks to the rival system that gives one CPU buffs over the others. Anything below 150cc is a complete joke for me in Mario Kart, but even playing on the "normal" difficulty in Ring Racers (now renamed "intense" in the 2.2 patch) kicks my ass, and if you place poorly in a Grand Prix race it gives you a game over and makes you redo the race. I can't even imagine touching the higher difficulties at my current skill level.

This is compounded by how technical the game is and how many options are at your disposal. Spin dashing, tricks, fast drops, collecting and spending rings, an item roulette that can be manually stopped, a high risk high reward chargeable melee attack when you have negative rings, the ability to harass and be harassed by other racers while positioning yourself before the start of the race, gates that can only be passed through when you have a high level of boost, lots of items with different quirks that reward skilled play. And of course, perhaps most daunting of all to new players, there's the game's unique slope physics designed to mimic how they work in the 2D Sonic games, which will often require you to either spend rings for a small boost or stop and charge up a spin dash to get up a steep hill.

All of these add a lot of complexity to the game that can be pretty daunting early on, which is why it has an infamously long story-driven tutorial to introduce all of these mechanics. I'm not sure said tutorial actually does the best job introducing how those mechanics will actually be put to use in races, but I can't blame them for thinking the game needed it. (I do have to admit I am annoyed by the game's insistence upon framing everything via Sega Saturn inputs, though. I had to open the settings screen to figure out what buttons the tutorial actually wanted me to press.)

Some of these things have already been addressed in the first couple patches, of course. You can now exit the tutorial way earlier, some unlock requirements have been relaxed, there's an option to let the game automatically use your rings for you, easy mode has been made easier, a handful of problematic courses have been tweaked, etc. And I'm sure they'll continue to refine the game based on player feedback. But it's probably always going to be a fairly hardcore game. It's hard and has a high skill ceiling by design. Nintendo's never gonna make a super technical new Mario Kart for sickos - not on purpose, at least. They need it to be a pick-up-and-play party game that sells 70 million copies. But a freeware fangame not beholden to shareholders can experiment more and try to cater to that more hardcore crowd. Say what you will about Ring Racers, but it absolutely has a specific creative vision of its own beyond "Sonic Mario Kart," and I respect that even if the game sometimes frustrates me